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wosofutbolfan · 2 months

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When Somebody Loved Me (Everything Was Beautiful)

Alexia Putellas x Reader

A story of a lifetime spent growing together. To what end?

Songfic

WC: 17k. Check TW inside.

TW: Bullying based on disability. Death of a parent. Angst. Grief.

Hi Guys.

This has sat in my drafts for months and inside my head for even longer. There is no part 2 planned. This is angsty with fluffy moments. Be warned.

I think we can all agree the most heart wrenching media moment of all time is Toy Story 2 and the below song.

If you don't agree. Move along this is not for you.

Reader calls Alexia, Alex throughout this fic. That's based on this video. Cause I have never heard someone refer to that and I thought it was cute. Alexia refers to R as 'Conejito' as a literal translation of bunny - I have since realised there's a more vulgar translation of this which I'm ignoring. Ha.

Spoiler Alert - This story deals with the death of a parent. Which I went back and forth on writing. Something about it still feels ick to me because these are real people. I may delete. Everything within is based on my own experience of parental loss. And it comes from no place of malace or weirdness.

This also deals with a severe speech impediment - which again, I do not suffer from myself but have experience with and hope I have done the struggle justice for anyone who may suffer.

My spanish is google translate because I am an ignorant English speaker. Apologies.

When somebody loved me Everything was beautiful Every hour we spent together Lives within my heart

It was raining on the day that you met her.

That was strange. For Barcelona. The rain.

You found yourself where you usually could be found, to anyone who would take notice. Which wasn’t anyone to your knowledge except for a few observant teachers. In the art room, in the back corner, working relentlessly at an easel that your favourite teacher would set up for you.

You had transferred into the school part way through term, and for the first few days as with most schools you were the new and shiny thing. At 12 a lot of the kids in school had known each other since birth and you were new fresh blood to entertain them.

That didn’t last too long though when they realised you weren’t actually that interesting.

Shy and quiet as you always had been, you kept yourself to yourself. Its not that you didn’t want to make friends. You did. You so desperately did. But you just didn’t know how.

You had a stutter. That never helped. Kids could be cruel. And with the move from your hometown to Mollet for your mum's job it had only gotten worse.

Words felt like lead in your mouth, your jaw felt tight and you struggled to get your words out. They stuck in your throat and refused to move from there.

The teachers were kind. Your peers were not. Your speech therapist was helping. You spent more time than any 12 year old should thinking about sentence structure and breathing techniques.

You knew your parents worried about you. Waiting for you to get home from school every day with worried glances and eager smiles; “Did you make any friends today niña?” your dad would ask, pretending to be casual, flicking through some book or another. “Not today Papi.” You would reply, never wanting to lie to your family, before happily jumping the couch next to him and starting to scribble in your notebook.

“Maybe tomorrow niña. There is always tomorrow”.

Well. Turns out dads are clever.

Because there was always tomorrow. And on an unusually rainy day for Mollet tomorrow came.

“Putellas!! Get back here! Pute-...”

The door to the art room quickly opened and slammed closed. The noise jolts you out of your peaceful reverie. A tall brunette girl smashed her back against the door and a hand quickly flicked out to turn the lights off to the room.

She clearly hadn’t noticed you huddled in the corner as she slid down the door onto her butt. Closing her eyes she let out a deep sigh and rested her forehead on her knees.

You didn't know what to do.

You knew who she was. Of course you did. She was Alexia Putellas.

The Alexia Putellas. Futbol superstar. Well… the 12 year old playground version of that. The coolest girl in school. She oozes confidence. Was always surrounded by a gaggle of your peers. Never without a ball at her feet or in her hands. But she hadn’t noticed you. Arm still raised working on the canvas in front of you, vision now impeded by the dark she had forced onto the room by turning the light off. You froze. Mouth slightly agape and hand starting to sweat. You watched as she rocked her forehead side to side on her knees. Your arm became tired in its upright position and the noise of you plopping the brush back into the water jar seemed to jolt her out of her stupor. Her neck snapped up and you met her wide, hazel eyes that bore into you. “Oh! Lo siento, I didn’t… I didn’t know anyone else was in here.” She was met with silence. Your stutter affected you terribly on a good day. Nevermind your safehaven suddenly being invaded by the coolest girl in school. Who you had idolised from afar since arriving in Mollet. Her head tilted curiously as she took you in. You felt her eyes drift to the canvas behind you. “Did you paint that?” She stands to her full height, still keeping her distance from you. “Why are you painting in the dark…?” She asks curiously. Head still tilted. Faced with a direct question you couldn’t put it off any longer. You couldn’t delay the inevitable. “Y..y…you, tu…tu….switched off….” Changing the words you intended to use halfway through was a coping mechanism that your therapist had tried to get you to work out of your system. She called it masking. You called it getting by. You raise your hand and point to the lightswitch that she had flicked when she entered the room. She looks at you harder now. You feel her eyes boring into you and wait for the inevitable laughter. The pity. Maybe even the cruelty that you are used to when people hear you speak. You cast your eyes down, waiting for the blow. But you just hear a flick of a switch, and the darkness behind your eyelids lifting. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have switched it off if I had known. I was just trying to get away. I kicked a football at Senorita Lopez by accident in the gym. They won’t let me play outside in the rain. Idiotas” You lift your eyes at her gentle, lilting tone as a smile teases your lips. She's moved closer to you now. “You didn’t answer. Did you paint this?” Her hand comes out to hover over the lines of your still-wet painting. Carefully. Again, you’ve been asked a direct question. “Si.” you reply, quietly. You don’t struggle so much with single words. “By yourself?” she asked, aghast, wonder taking over her features. You nod in reply. “This is so cool! Show me!” A grin overtakes your features as you nod more enthusiastically. Glasses slipping down your nose. Pulling out a fresh canvas for your new friend. “Lo siento, I haven’t told you my name. My Papa says it's rude not to introduce myself…” she stands tall and thrusts out her hand. Very formally. Very practised. “I am Alexia Putellas Segura.” You pause for a moment, looking at her outstretched hand. You wipe your clammy hands on your jeans. And shake her hand. “A…A…” you grow frustrated with yourself, the words getting stuck in your throat. You pull your hand away but Alexia keeps her grip firm and nods at you encouragingly. “Al…Alex… Alex.” you give up. Eyes downcast. Maybe you can tell your papa you nearly made a friend today. “Alex! Cool! I’ve never had that nickname! Most people call me Ale. But it can be our thing. I know you, you are y/n I remember Senora Perez making you stand at the front of class. Show me how to paint! Please? ” Alexia was not a good painter. She quickly got bored and distracted by the newspaper on the desk intended for a paper mache project which she screwed up together, fashioned into a football and then spent the rest of the wet lunchtime kicking around the art room aiming for various targets that she would shout out to you.

You dutifully cheered at every successful hit of the target. That night as you climbed onto the couch next to your papa and he asked; “Did you make any friends today niña?”. You couldn’t wait to reply; “Si! Alex.” You missed the way his newspaper dropped ever so slightly, and he caught the eye of your mami who was in the kitchen. “Ah, Si? Alex should come for dinner! We would love to welcome him!” He replied, his delight even obvious to you. “No tonta… Alex is a girl!” you let out. In that hilariously moody way only 12 year olds can. You became inseparable. Alexia was your best friend. Complete and total opposites. She would spend wet lunches in the art room with you. She would drag you to the playing fields after school and on break and you would be a goalie for her. Which was really just you standing complaining about where you found yourself and you dived away from balls as she cackled out a laugh. She came round for dinner with your family most nights. You spent every weekend at the Putellas household, travelling to her football games, strapped up next to Alba in the back of the Putellas family car, scribbling away in a notebook as you drew landscapes that you passed. On the way home you would sketch and sketch, only slightly hindered by the weight of your gangly best friend as she slept on your shoulder. Your art would sit on both family fridges. Alex’s football boots would litter both entrance ways. Your mami would pick Alba up from the junior school if Eli got stuck at work. Joint family dinners were the norm.

Your relationship evolved through the years. Easily. Blissfully. You grew together. You became taller, however still paling in height compared to your best friend. You got braces and had them removed, You wore contacts most days now instead of your thick rimmed glasses. Though you still could usually be found in the art rooms.

Alexia filled out, she became less gangly and more strong, after years dedicated to football and training.

Your speech improved. Your stammer only comes out rarely and you know your triggers. You worked hard every week with your speech therapist but you always credited Alexia. She gave you confidence.

No one at school would roll their eyes or laugh at you when Alexia was by your side. She didn’t rush you. She didn’t finish your sentences. Nothing was more formidable within your school walls than if Alexia had found out someone had made fun of you, or not been patient with you. She got in trouble countless times defending your honor. Even if the teachers hated punishing her for it.

You maybe realised on some level that you were as important to Alexia as she was to you the day that caused her to miss the U15 School Championship final.

One of the more idiotic older basketball boys had caught you in the hallway. Trying to impress his gaggle of followers he had tripped you up as you were on your way scurrying into the art rooms to finish the sign you had made for Jaume to wave at the upcoming championship final. You had fallen flat on your face, quickly moving onto your back and pressing yourself against the wall. It had been a while due to Alexia's influence but you had dealt with bullies your entire life and you knew you had to just make yourself small and wait it out. “Oh s-s-s-s-s–s-s-oooorry it w-w-w-as an a-a-a-a-accident!!” the boy taunted you, leaning over you and exaggerating your stutter.

His spittle hitting your face and making you wince. He brought himself to his full height, which was impressive for a 16 year old and turned to his friends. “Honestly, how is she even in this school, she is so estupida!” His guffaw was matched by his followers however their faces quickly dropped as they looked behind their ringleader. “What did you just say to her?” a cold, terse voice entered the conversation. You didn’t see his face drop but you could imagine it.

He quickly turned and looked at Alexia standing in the doorway. Sunshine behind her darkening your view. As she stepped into the halfway you took in the thunderous look on her face. You don’t think you’ve ever seen her as angry.

You barely recognised her. “I-i-i sai…” This time he wasn’t impersonating you.

He knew he was fucked. She moved quicker than you had ever seen her move on the football pitch. The tall boys friends quickly scattered as she grabbed him by his shoulders. He may have had at least two foot of height difference on her but that quickly diminished to nothing as she kneed him squarely between the legs. He doubled over in pain as she landed blow after blow to his stomach. “Alex… stop.” you instructed, gathering yourself to your feet.

Your voice cut through her rage and she immediately stopped her punches. He scurried off as soon as he was able to, no serious damage done apart from to his ego… and maybe his balls. She turned to face you after shouting some choice expletives to his back, face immediately morphing into one of concern, eyebrows furrowed as her hands cupped your face. “¿Estás bien?” She asked, seriously. Hands moving to check you over.

“Si, Si, estoy bien.” you replied. “You shouldn’t have done that Alex.” you regarded her with sceptical eyes.

Her brow furrowed further, “What should I have done then? He’s un maton, he hurt you. I taught him a lesson. I would do it again. I would. I am not sorry.” she said firmly as she moved your head beneath her chin and wrapped her strong arms around you.

You tried to pretend that the butterflies in your stomach erupting at her protectiveness were a normal reaction to a friend.

Right? She repeated the same platitudes the next day, but this time with Jaumes hand on her shoulder as she sat in the headmaster's office. The boy she had humiliated so happened to be the son of one of the school governors. The headmaster told the footballer and her father that if Alexia apologised to the boy then she would go unpunished, otherwise, he would be forced to stop any of her extra-curricular activities, including the interschool championship final. Which, as headmaster, he really didn't want to do when his school had their first chance of winning in over a decade. She refused.

She was banned from playing.

The team lost.

Badly. The guilt ate away at you as you both watched from the sidelines as the 5th goal against your team went in.

She grasped your knee, and still watched the game. “Stop feeling guilty. I am still not sorry. There are more important things than football conejita.”

You took a breath and placed your hand on top of hers. You turned to look at her incredulously. “I mean, very few. Football is still in the top 2. Food is 3.” she continued, deadpan. Forcing a laugh out of you. You asked her once, years after first meeting, one sleepover when you were both lying side by side on the Putellas trampoline looking up at the stars. Why was she so patient with you? When no one else was? She looked at you, dumbfounded, genuinely confused by the question. “You have a voice y/n. You deserve to be heard.” she replied. Moving into her favourite position which was pulling all of your weight completely on top of her. Your head rested over her heart. You could hear the thump thump thump against your ear. You hoped she couldn’t feel the fluttering of yours.

It was that simple to her. “Plus you looked like a rabbit in the headlights when I barged in, you were too cute. Mi pequeña coneja”.

Your Alex.

You transitioned from best friends into girlfriends at 16 with no fanfare. A shy kiss after a win at Alexia's latest championship sealed it. Her grin splitting her face. Yours matching when you realised your dreams could become a reality. Hands held tentatively in the backseat of Jaumes car as he smiled at the scene through his rear view mirror. Days later, as you both stood in front of your mami and papi shyly holding hands you realised, squeezing the trembling hand in yours, that it was the first time you had seen Alex nervous. In all of your years of friendship.

Alexia still had her weirdly formal streak, the same as the day you met her, so you let her do what she felt she needed to.

“Senor y Senora y/l/n… “ she started, taking a breath. “Mi and y/f/n…”

Your parents caught your eye, dumbfounded. She never used their titles. They rarely heard her use your name. You were always conejito.

“Alexia… estimada…” your mami started, with kind eyes. You could tell she knew what was coming. You shook your head at her slightly, Alexia too caught up in her own moment to notice. Your mami let her speak.

“Mi and y/f/n…”

Your papi, however, was not as emotionally in tune as your mami, “Monito, what is going on? Why are you being muy loca? Have you got mi mija pregnant? I know you're an overachiever bu…” “Papi!” you screeched out, interrupting him.

Alex stood mouth agape, face flushed as she looked to you for help. “Papi, Mami, Alex is tr…try…tryi�� telling you that we’re together together.” you let out, raising your joined hands. Your mami let out a laugh behind her hands, your papi however stood and exclaimed, “Was that some sort of secret!? Dios Mio of course you are! We thought you had been for years! You made me change your bedtime story from princesses to football-playing princesses on the day you met! Why do you think your Mami makes you keep your door open when this one stays, Mija?”

Now it's your turn to blush as your mouth drops open. As he passes Alexia he gently smacks her upside the head, ruffling her long brunette hair. “Now come on cabeza de bola, me and the guys from work are starting a 5 a side. I need your help on penalties…” You huff out a laugh as your girlfriend is dragged away, confused look stuck on her face - eyebrows adorably drawn and mouth furrowed and clinging to your hand until distance forces her to let go.

Your mami settles her arm across your shoulders. “I’m happy for you Mija” she mutters, in her gentle tone as you fall into her embrace. “You’re going to marry that girl one day.” Even after everything that would happen and the hell you would feel, you thank God for the unseasonal rain in Barcelona that day in junior school.

And when she was sadI was there to dry her tearsAnd when she was happy, so was IWhen she loved me It wasn’t long after you made your relationship official that you had your first real test.

You knew something was wrong with your girlfriend probably before she did. You knew her like the back of your hand. Though it finally came to a head one early evening at the Putellas household.

You had both picked Alba up from school, and you had set out to making dinner in the Putellas kitchen whilst Alexia's parents were both stuck at work.

It was standard practice, occurring at least once a week. You moved through the kitchen with ease. The ease is what alerted you.

Usually, on nights like these, Alba would huff off to her room like any other pubescent teenager, head stuck in her phone and earphones firmly in place. Alexia however, would usually be found attached to your back, arms wrapped around you as you cooked, or sat at the breakfast bar, swiping chopped veggies til you hit her with a spoon to make her stop, rolling your eyes as she insisted she was a growing girl and she needed the extra.

No, this was too easy, you thought, as you moved around, you missed your big inconvenience in the kitchen and you made sure your pasta sauce was bubbling nicely and went to search for her.

You find her in the living room, her large frame draped over the sofa, eyes mindlessly watching the TV. But you can tell she isn’t watching whatever is on. Ale isn’t a big TV-watcher. She's very rarely sitting still for long enough to concentrate. The exception being if you're in her lap, where she entertains herself by playing with your hair or tracing the lines on your palm. “Hey, amor, estás bien?” your voice brings her out of her thoughts, “Ey? Ah sí conejito, lo siento, is dinner ready?” she asks, making to stand, but being stopped by your hand on her shoulder. “Ay, when did I become the hired help, ey?” you ask, trying to tease a smile out of your girlfriend. “Dinner will be ready soon. Tell me what's on your mind.” The thing about Alex is she’s an open book. People may think she is stern and serious but she wears her heart on her sleeve. You can always see her thoughts plainly on her face, so you know something troubling her. She knows she can’t hide it from you, so she doesn’t try. “I’ve been offered a professional contract.” She states, plainley. Your heart lifts for her. Your whole life Alexia has bled football. For many years she believed, and you did too though you would never admit it, that it wouldn't be possible to make a career from the sport. You don’t think you have ever seen Alexia as sad as when she aged out of the Barcelona FC teams. She was devastated. It was a harsh reminder that Spain wasn't the USA. The opportunities are not always available. But the thing you loved most about Alexia was her dogged determinedness. She would train in the morning, in the afternoon, between classes. You are overjoyed that all of that hard work has paid off. Something wasn’t adding up with her reaction, however. “Alex, that's amazing news!” you exclaimed, unable to hide the joy in your voice. “Why are you not more excited? Is it a bad deal?” “No, amor, it is a fair deal.” she sighs. You just look into her eyes, waiting for her to tell you what she wants to share. She takes a deep breath. “It’s Levante, I would have to move to Valencia.” Ah, you see. Your heart breaks at the sad frown painted on the usually stern face of your girlfriend. Your hand moves up to trace her eyebrow, forcing them to unfrown and moving down to cup her cheek. She leans heavily into the warmth of your hand, and damp eyes open, fixing to yours. “Oh Alex, it’s okay” you whisper. The truth is you had always known that with the career your girlfriend was destined to follow, that you would have to spend time away from each other. You already did. Alexia has often been away throughout your friendship and now your relationship for national camps.

You had a very mature relationship for 17 year olds. Having been woven into each other's lives for so many years. You were part of each other's DNA. You knew how to manage the time without your girlfriend. You were both grade A communicators. You accepted that this would be different, and no doubt unimaginably hard for the footballer, her family was her life. But so was football. And you know you needed to encourage her to take this step. “It’s not okay!” she stated, firmly, sitting up straight on the couch. “It’s not fair! Finally I get what I have dreamed of but it comes at the expense of everything I love. Mi familia, Barcelona, you! Why can’t I have both? I don’t know what to do” “You go to Levante, Alexia.” you say, seriously, “This is a huge opportunity for you.” She looks at you incredulously and you’re not sure what you’ve done wrong. “Oh, so it is that easy for you? Si? You just let me go like it doesn’t even bother you!” You aren’t used to Alexia's stern frown being sent your way, usually it's aimed at someone in defence of you. Or at a goalkeeper. You, however, know the brunette is feeling vulnerable, she has waves of insecurity at times, she puts so much pressure on herself it's inevitable, but you are always there to assure her of her worth, and your love. “You know that's not true, amor.” you say, tenderly, hand reaching into her brunette locks to sooth her. “I agree, it’s not fair that Barca don’t have a women's team but I have always known your talent would take you away from me, “ she opens her mouth to interject, “but I love you. And I know you love me. We are tethered. Forever. When, not if, you go to Valencia, we will make it work. You know we will amor, you can have both” “But I will miss you.” she whimpers, pathetically. “I will miss you every second. But it will get better, it’ll pass Alex.” Her head finds your neck as she settles in there. Her larger frame is quite comically draped over you. “Do you promise?” she lets out, weakly. And you don’t let a moment pass, “I promise.” and seal your promise with a kiss to the crown of her head. She moves her chin up and faces you, “Beso, por favour” she asks, who are you to refuse? You kiss softly, you don’t know how many minutes you are tasting her sweet lips pass before you are interrupted by a sulky 14 year old. “Ewwww!”

Alba appeared, making the two of you split apart, her disgust at the scene she's found making you laugh as Alexia peels herself from you, rolling her eyes.

“I’m gonna tell Mami that you two were making out instead of feeding m…ahh!” Albas accusations getting lost as Alexia chases her around the living room, ready to fight in a way only sisters can.

A strange smelling odour fills your nose. Oh… Oh no. You rush into the kitchen to find your dinner smoking on the hob.

“Oi, Putellas diablos!” You stick your head into the living room where you find Alexia sat on her younger sister whilst she tries to battle off the huge weight she finds on herself. They both pause and look at you guiltily. “C’mon, shoes on, we’re going out to eat, on me, we’re celebrating!”

Both of them unite in cheers as they childishly jump up and run to the front door in glee, shoving each other out of the way to try to get their shoes on first as you watch, affectionately shaking your head.

It will be months later, after a summer filled with memories made with your girlfriend, days at the beach, trips to the market, lazy days at home and soft moments made in the streets of Barna, that you would find yourself alone in bed.

That was weird.

You had spent the day packing with Alexia, the sadness of moving away had started to be replaced with excitement from the tall girl. Her dreams were coming true, okay, it may not be perfect, she finally understands, but it's a step in the right direction.

She can’t believe that she's going to get paid to play football.

Paid. The evening after a long day of packing was spent having a family meal at the Putellas household. Your family is also in attendance. It was a loud and joyous affair and it helped to keep the sadness out of your girlfriend's eyes. After a long evening of sombremesa Alexia had insisted on coming back with you to your parents to your house.

She didn’t want to spend her last evening in Barcelona in her empty bedroom, instead finding solace in yours. You had both talked into the early hours, in the arms of each other, trading soft touches and exchanging breaths until sleep took you. You pretended for her sake that you couldn’t hear her rattling breaths or feel the dampness of her cheeks on your fingers.

Now, however, you were alone, and unsure at what woke you up. Until a tapping comes to your attention. You sit up in bed and hear it again. What is that? You get out of bed and go towards your window, yep, there it is again, coming from outside. You throw open the curtains and peer out into the moonlit garden.

It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the darkness but you can’t take that moment because you suddenly are hit squarely in the face by a pebble.

“Ouch.. what the he…” you stand suddenly and bang your head on the window frame “Ow, Fuck!” “Ay Dios Mío, lo siento amor! I didn’t see you had opened the window!” Alexia's panicked voice reached your ears, why was she in the garden? What the hell was going on? “Are you okay conejito?” You take a moment to steady yourself and your mind into your new and abrupt situation. “Conejito?” “Yes, Alex, I am fine. What are you doing out there?” You’re met with silence. “Al?” The tall brunette is scuffing her foot against the pebbles of the garden that she had previously been launching at the window. “I don’t want to say. I feel stupid now.” You arch your eyebrow in her direction. You don't think that she can even see it but she knows what's aimed in her direction. “I couldn’t sleep. I was too excited. And also sad. And muddled. And I will miss you so much so I was just imagining how good it will feel when you visit, or I visit. Or when I score a goal and you’re watching. Which I know you’ve seen but now it's my job.” she rambles, pausing momentarily to take a breath.

“Anyway, I thought about how cool it would be if I came to visit and woke you up by throwing stones at your window like in a film! You’d love that! Then I just couldn’t wait to do it. So here’s me, doing it. I’m being romantic.” She throws a crooked grin up at the window and your heart literally melts. “I..I….” and you promptly burst into tears. “Oh no mi amor no! Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to throw a pebble at your face! I’m sorry!” she gestures towards you with her hands frantically. “It’s not that Alex, you’re just such an idiot. And I love you so much. I am going to miss you so much. Get up here.” needing her arms wrapped around you. She nods vigorously and makes to climb the trellis that goes to your window. “No you idiot! Use the door! You have a key!” “Oh yeah.” you hear her mutter to herself before she scurried back inside. As you’re settled back into her warm arms, her huge hands palming through your hair. “That was very romantic Alex.” you mumble and you practically hear her purr with pride at herself. “Next time though bebe, use your key, I would much rather you be here in bed with me.” “Noted.” she mumbles into your skin, wiping away the tears that you can’t stop from rolling down your cheeks. Alexia got settled into her professional team quickly and efficiently, she was one of the youngest but easily the most talented on the pitch. You would travel up with Jaume religiously at the weekends wherever you could, your time in the week spent busy with the Art College you had enrolled in. Alba sometimes tagging along when you bribed her with snacks.

As promised you were there when she scored her first professional goal, her beaming smile sent directly to you and Jaume in the stands, stood cheering for her. You witnessed her wide eyes, after the game, as you stood waiting for your celebratory hug and maybe a cheeky kiss, when she was stopped by a little hand. “Hola.” the small girl had to crane her neck to look up at your girlfriend. She was shaking with excitement. “Hola?” she replied, confused. “Can I have your autograph por favour?” she asked, sweetly. Alexia just stood there, like a sim.

You stepped forward with your notepad and drawing pencil that you carry everywhere, you had more drawings of inside a football stadium than anyone would need. You ripped out a page and handed Ale the pencil. “Of…of course?” She scribbled down her autograph for the young girl who beamed and ran away holding it above her head to show her mami who picked her up in glee. Alexia's wide eyes stared at you. “Did you see that?” “I saw that bebe, I handed you the pencil. I also saw your goal, superstar!” You couldn’t control your grin, which was mirrored by your girlfriend. “You played so well! Alex!” You're interrupted as she drags you over the fencing and pulls you into a bear hug. Her face nuzzled into your neck, her body vibrating with excitement. “I scored for you conejito!” she says “Well, hija, I won’t be offended, I have only been to every game you’ve played for 10 years” Jaume appears above you both still in the stands, smiling teasing his lips. “And you papa!” she releases you and pulls her papa into a hug. Dragging you back in after a moment before declaring that her first goal means that she deserves pizza and ice cream courtesy of her papa.

Through the summer and the fall We had each other, that was all Just she and I together Like it was meant to be

You finished your college course and your love for art had never died. You made the trip to Valencia wherever possible to see Alex and she came back to Barna at least once a month to see her family and you on an off weekend. You would spend those weekends living at Alexias house, soaking up every moment together as much as possible.

She would bring her clothes home for Eli to wash as she was useless at anything practical. You would make sure that you would always snag a sweater of hers before it was washed and keep hold of it, soaking in her scent before you could swap it out again. Alexia, used to pretend she hated it, they would always be returned with paint stains around the cuffs which would harden and she said irritated her skin. You tried to be more careful but you didn’t stop stealing them.

You saw the same amount of her family as before she moved away, your lives had been so intrinsically linked that you had become an honorary Putellas, and she was a part of your family. You hung around with Alba and you helped Eli with her shopping when her car broke down. You were family.

Weirdly enough, it was you that met Alexia's future best friend first. After college, you started to make money from your art by being a live artist at weddings.

You knew your parents were worried about what you would do with your art. Teaching was the obvious choice but with your speech issues, it was your idea of hell.

This was perfect.

It was a niche business but you got paid well and you loved it. You got to go to weddings for a job. You got to capture people's joy on the most important day of their lives. You would sit in the corner with an easel set up, sketching and painting guests, the dance floor, the top table. And you could immediately give your paintings to the couple and their guests, the validation was enormous, you were good at what you did. Discreet and professional.

You soon get a client list for miles and the money starts to pour in.

It was at one of these weddings that you met Mapi. She caught your eye during the speeches and you started to draw her outline. She was clearly very very gay at a very straight wedding. But it wasn’t just that that caught your eye, her tattoos intrigued you. And you loved sketching them and adding hints of colour here and there.

She looked up at you and caught you sketching, as guests often would, you were able to not let it distract you, ever the professional you offered a gentle smile.

“You like football?” a heavily accented voice reached your ears as you were adding the finishing touches to the dancefloor scene that was set out before you.

“Que?” It wasn’t often that guests interacted with you, but sometimes it happened.

“Your bag, FC Barcelona? That's not usual for a pretty girl like you, to like football.”

“Ah, Si.” You reply, your eyes not moving from your painting. “It’s my girlfriends.” you reply, emphasising your relationship status, not wanting a moment of confusion.

“Ah, boo, you have ruined my fun.” She replies, “Maria Leon '' She introduces herself, hand out for you to shake, you don’t take her hand, handing your paint-y hands up. She holds her hands up in surrender. “I see, I see. FC Barcelona though. Good team. No women's team though.”

“No, but there will be, and my girlfriend will be their top scorer when it happens” you reply confidently. “You seem so sure?” “I am.” She lets out a laugh. “I can’t argue with that, then I will be their best defender” she offers a huge smile. Mapis smile is magic and makes you smile.

You and Mapi become firm friends. She talks. And talks and talks and talks. You don’t know how she has so much to say. But she is fun and she is kind. Your stutter makes an appearance as it sometimes does but it is perfectly offset by her inability to stop yapping. You don’t feel a pressure to fill the silence because you know she will.

Years later, at a supercup final, you will both laugh about your first conversation. About how both of your statements came true. Turns out, people paid well for authentic paintings of their favourite moments. And as a young adult you found yourself with enough money to get yourself a small apartment in Mollet. You loved it. And you loved the independence it brought you. You think that was the happiest time of your life. You would spend days on your sun drenched terracotta tiled balcony. Painting watercolour and sketching the scenes both in your mind and your view over the square that your apartment was on. You had quite the online following and would get some commissions for your art which brought you a sense of purpose and joy. The absolute best time was when Alexia had a free weekend, or a break, she would stay with you and you would live in domestic bliss. It was an unspoken agreement. No question that she would make her base for her time back at your apartment. Even when she wasn’t there you wouldn’t sleep on her side of the bed. More of her clothes made their way into your closet. More of her sweaters would get paint marks on them. You would cook together, sing together, dance together in your small kitchenette. Feeling happy and in love as only young people can. Nothing gets between you. Training had been kind to your girlfriend, and you struggled to keep your eyes off her as she would do basic tasks. She was thick. For want of a better word. Her gangly limbs had become pure muscle, her back would ripple when putting on a t-shirt, you would find yourself staring at her forearms as she would cut vegetables. She knew what she did to you and she loved it. Often sending a wink your was and sending you into more of a stuttering mess then usual, heat climbing to your face. You felt your heart grow as you would go shopping for groceries together. Take strolls in the square, you sitting on a bench and sketching as she inevitably got herself involved in a football game with the local kids. Her favourite time of day would be Friday nights. Often, if she was lucky, she would be scheduled an early kick off on fridays. You would travel back from the game together with her papi. You took the backseat as you knew you would monopolise her time back all weekend. Giving her a chance to catch up with her family. You would get home, she would shower whilst you made a light dinner, both taking it in on the balcony before moving inside and settling on the couch. She would put on some illegally screened recordings of the game she had played in. But she would mute it as she pulled you into her chest. You would have a sketchbook in hand and continue working on your art, or a piece from a wedding that needed finishing up. You always told her the commentary wouldn’t distract you. But she insisted. Once finally saying, “I like the sound of your pencil, it soothes me, and sometimes you trace the sketch on my leg with your free hand. It gives me goosebumps. I like it.” you never asked again. You argued, of course, like any couple did. But it never lasted long. Alex would get angry when she would find paint in the sink, and you would struggle to share your space at first. But you never went to bed in a fight. Even if you tried to be stubborn your body would fail you and you would gravitate towards her in the moments before sleep, muttering your apologies or forgiveness. In those early days of young adulthood it would be the only time in your relationship where you had more money than Alex.

Football did not pay well. It did not pay a living wage.

You didn’t care.

You felt privileged every time you scanned your card for the groceries, or paid for dinner on a date. You knew she hated it though. “One day conejito, I will give you everything life can offer, I promise” she would whisper into your skin whilst she tried to make it up to you in other ways. You would always tell her you had everything you needed right there with you. It was perfect. Life was perfect. You had friends, a stable job, the love of your life. Yes, distance was hard, yes, each time she left you would cry and hold her tighter to you, but you knew it wasn’t forever, and you never felt that distance in your relationship. You grew together, like a plant, your love was carefully cultivated in experiences and shared memories.

And when she was lonely I was there to comfort her And I knew that she loved me

You had never felt sadness like it. It was all encompassing. You couldn’t get away from it. You were sad for your chosen family. You were sad for your own family. You were sad for yourself. But you were devastated for your girlfriend. You didn’t know what to do with so much sadness. You couldn’t hold it in, but you couldn’t let it out. You needed to be strong for your girlfriend. Who was walking around as a shell of the person that you knew her to be. Well, that was when she was walking, she would throw herself into her childhood bedroom and stay there silently for hours. You would be okay with it if she was sleeping, but she just stared at the wall aimlessly. Her Papa was her inspiration. The reason she got into football. She would look up to him even as she towered over him. And it was so so cruel that he had been taken away from her in such a manner. A week after Jamues passing you found yourself next to Alexia at his funeral. It was a beautiful affair, a celebration of the life of a man who loved hard and was loved hard. The morning had been difficult, you had ironed Alexia's dress and set it out for her. She took your instruction like a small child, you brushed her hair straight and pulled it out from her face. You struggled to speak. Such immense grief you felt the words became garbled in your mouth, rendering you mute. But you didn’t want any pressure on Alexia.

You knew when your stutter made an appearance she would drop everything, concentrate on doing your exercises with you, hand automatically cupping your jaw and massaging the soft area beneath your ear because she knew that relaxed your facial muscles. So you both moved around silently. That morning. As you guided her around what needed to be done. As you packed her bag with tissues you hoped that you needed to use them. You hadn’t seen her cry since she rushed home from Valencia to the news. So no, you didn’t know what to do with your grief. You loved him too. He was the first person you had loved and lost. You had your own special relationship built from long car journeys and shared snacks. He would put your art on his fridge like you were one of his own. He was kind and he was half of the person who you loved to your core. God. If you felt like this. You don’t know how Alexia was still breathing. You had been spending all week as the Putellas household. Not leaving Alex's side. But also not leaving Alba, who would lean heavily into you of an evening, seemingly crying all of the tears that her sister couldn’t. It felt healthy though, through the tears you could share memories and make her laugh. You would go to bed with Alex and the silence would continue. When you were sure she was asleep you would sneak out of bed and grab your sketch pad, settle into the corner of the room and just let it out. Her dad told you once at a game how his father worked as a coal miner. He said it proudly, he adored hard work. That's where Alexia got her devotion from. It was a passing moment, a memory that you didn't even know you had. But it stuck with you as you went into the Putellas garden and took a lump of coal from the barbeque and settled yourself into the dewey grass. Hand not stopping over your sketchpad and tears rolling down your cheeks.

The night after the funeral you stayed at your own parents house. You couldn’t handle the loneliness of your own apartment. You didn’t want to intrude at the Putellas residence, and you hoped that maybe some time with her family would be what Alexia needed to open up. You were right, but not in the way you imagined. A soft clink, clink, clink, woke you up, This time you were not frightened. You had heard this noise before. You immediately jumped out of bed and ran to your window, showing it open and shoving your head out. “Alex! What are you doing here, why didn’t you use your key?” The brunette looked up at you with sad eyes, you saw she was in her pyjamas, eyes sideways showing no car, she had walked here. “I forgot it.” she let out, morosely. “Oh mi amor, no p..p..problem, hold on I will come down and let you in.” before you had a chance to bring your body back into the house you heard her again, “You left me.” your heart cracked into two. You didn’t reply but instead hurried downstairs into the moonlit garden. She stood there, with all her muscle and height, looking everything like a toddler who was lost in a supermarket. You took her hand in yours and used your other to cup her cheek. “Oh, mi amor I didn’t leave you, I thought you wanted some space.” Maybe you expected her to agree, maybe you expected her to disagree and shout at you for getting it so wrong. You didnt realise that you were to her, like an umbrella in the rain, protecting her from the downpour. With you gone she drowned in the grief. You didn’t expect her lip to tremble and her to burst into tears. “I want my papa.” Those 4 words broke your heart as you huddled her into your arms, rocking lightly to bring her confort. There was nothing you could say, you just brought her into your bed and held her as she cried, painting her skin with whispers of your love “I know, bebe, I know, I promise it’ll pass, I promise, and I will be here. The pain will go. It will pass Alex and I will be here.” It became a mantra that you whispered into her skin.

As she calmed down you took a moment to think. As you got out of bed and she groaned in annoyance you hushed her with your lips to her skin. “Un momento, mi amor, I have something for you.”

You presented it nervously, unsure of the reaction you would get.

It was a framed picture that you had created. Not like your usual artwork as it was made from coal. Coal from the Putellas barbecue to be exact. It was a sketch of a man in the stands of a football stadium, somehow, eyes beaming with pride, laugh lines visible on his face. A footballer with a long ponytail and similar features jumping into his arms.

It was a scene you had witnessed hundreds of times throughout the years. You didn’t need to see it again to create it. The coal added a haunting and beautiful dimension to it. When you explained your reasoning Alexia looked deeply into your eyes. Holding onto the frame with white knuckles like her life depended on it.

“I love you.”

And when Alexia scored and helped her team to win the U19 Championship for her country not 3 weeks later. Celebrating with eyes to the sky, fingers pointed. You knew that, eventually, she would be okay.

So the years went by I stayed the same But she began to drift away I was left alone Still, I waited for the day When she'd say, "I will always love you"

It was as though it had been destined for years but finally finally the news came that Barcelona FC would have a women's team. Mapi had texted you with glee when the news broke out, she knew that she was stuck in her own contract but the fact it existed made it a possibility for her dreams to come true. Your girlfriend, on the other hand, was a free agent. You thought, privately, that even if she wasn't a free agent that she would break every law on planet earth to play for her childhood club. She was offered a contract and signed without any hesitation. A mist in her eyes at the missing presence in her signing photos. You drove with Alba to collect her and all her things from a year in Valencia directly to your apartment. As you unpacked her stuff, Alba on a food run with money you had shoved into her hand, your small flat suddenly felt full. “Alex,” You called, from the living room, you heard her shuffle around and pop her head into the bedroom where you stood, surrounded by boxes. “Si, conejito?” she asked, breathlessly. You took in her smile, that you had missed over the months, the light in her eyes, the ease of her movements. “I am just asking, I don’t actually remember asking you to move in?” You say, teasingly, gesturing to her boxes surrounding you. It was true, you hadn’t, it had just been assumed by both of you, as well as both of your families. A blush rose up her neck, “I mean… I-i-..”. You burst out laughing. “I am just teasing you”. A glint in her eyes took over and you had half a second to brace yourself before you were tackled by an almost 6ft wall of muscle. You landed gently on the bed with a thump. “Well, light of my life. I think it’s too late for that. Maybe I can make up for my rudeness.” Her voice takes on a sultry tone, attacking your neck with kisses, making you groan. “No, No, No, No, stop it you two! Why is this my life!” Well. Alba was back, You groaned as Alexias full body weight fell onto you as she heard her sister. You had a feeling you both had plenty of time to make up for it. Living with Alexia full time was natural. You had obviously had practice from the year she spent in Valencia but you didn’t realise how easy it would be. You knew where to step to not fall over her boots in the hallway without looking.

You amended your grocery show to include all her weird protein-packed foods. She would help you get ready for work in your evening gowns that you had to wear to fit in at the weddings, and she would stay up to make sure you got home safe and listened as you babbled on about your favourite parts, all the while taking it in for ideas for your own wedding. You continued to make money at weddings, Alexia rose through the ranks at the new Barcelona Femini team. Quickly establishing herself as a calm and serious captain.

She took her role seriously, she would study games religiously at home as you would paint or sketch. Your easel set up in the living room or on the balcony. She would rub your shoulders as you painted, eyes set on the TV at the game. The shared time doing your own activities matched you both perfectly. And just like that, years passed. Years in domestic bliss. Spent together and with your families. Vacations in Ibiza and even a pet cat called Pablo Petcatso, or Pabs for short, entered your little family unit. He was a ginger cat who loved a cuddle and loved getting into Alexia's kit bag, he even made it to the training once or twice, and you had to drive over there to pick him back up. Dragging him away from 22 cooing footballers.

Women's football grew, as did Alexia's paycheck. And with that, you think, looking back, as did the cracks in your relationship.

“We're here!” Alexias excited voice explained, you had pulled up outside a tall apartment building in the centre of Barcelona. She hadn’t shared with you where you were going. Insisting it needed to be a surprise.

“And where is here?” you looked up at the towering glass building above you, you didn’t come into the city much, you preferred the quiet of your suburb.

“You’ll see, you’ll see!” Her excitement was catching, and you found yourself giddy as the elevator took you further into the skies of the city.

“Ta-da!” She presents a huge open plan space before you, the glass fronted living room has views over the city to the sea. You could count at least 3 bedrooms from where you stood in the hallway. The kitchen was sleek, straight lines and clean granite.

“What is this place?” you ask, confused, taking in your surroundings. “It's our new apartment!” What? “What?” you breathe out. “Don’t you love it?!” Alexia remains giddy, her excitement not fading and she fails to notice your unenthused reaction. Your mind whirred. “Come look, come look!” she grabbed your hand, and pulled you further into the apartment. Proudly presenting each room to you. “And this room. I thought you could have it as your art studio!” “Art studio?” you whisper. “Yeah! Isn’t it so cool, and so much space. Now I wont get cross at you for getting paint all over the kitchen! Pabs will have so much room to explore!” She turns around and pulls you into her embrace, you are still shellshocked at everything presented to you. “I promised you, didn’t I? I would give you the world conejito.” Her eyes are so bright with joy, the smile so wide on her face, you couldn’t help but smile. Yes, the sleek lines, the large space, and the modern kitchen were beautiful. You didn’t see it for yourself, you preferred your terracotta tiled balcony and your plants overtaking your kitchenette. You loved painting in your living room when Alexia would watch a match. Pabs crawling over your shoulders, your little bubble with your family. But you could see how proud Alex was of herself, of what she had achieved. You must have taken a moment too long, as her eyebrows furrow. “You don’t like it.” you said, plainly, “No… No Alex, I do! I was just so surprised. I love it, and I love you.” “Yeah?” her eyes brighten again. You kiss her lips softly, “Yeah.” “Good! And think conejito, maybe one day there would be room for a bigger family?” she asks, shyly. Your heart melted as you nodded frantically and threw yourself into her embrace. As Alexia's career grew, so did the pressure on her. She was often away, it was something your whole relationship had survived, but now, being away with both club and country, as well as in an apartment that had never truly felt like home. You felt lonely. You would come home from weddings with only Pabs to greet you, you would create art in your studio without the background noise of Alexia watching a game, or preparing a smoothie. She would do that in the living area. Nights together were rarer. Your love never dimmed. Alexia showed you in her every movement that she adored you. Date nights, whilst few and far between, were the highlight of your week. Though that soon became the highlight of your month. The one saving grace during this time was that Mapi had finally joined Barcelona Femini and you took it on yourself to be her personal Barcelona guide. As Alexia's fame grew, you shied more into the background. You weren't an extrovert. You would never hide your relationship and you never asked Alexia to but the only social media that you had was that to promote your artwork. Meanwhile, Alexia's followers grew and grew. A few crazed fans had deep dived into her archives and knew of you but that was only a portion of the fanbase. She hated the delving into her private life, and that caused her to stop posting anything of you onto her public accounts. Any trace of you, gone. Before being a footballer, in Alex’ mind, she was your protector, that hadn’t changed from 15 years ago. With 2021 came great change. All of the years of dreams and hard work had paid off and Barca had reached the champions league final. You travelled to Gothenburg with Eli and Alba, a nervousness in your stomach more than usual. For both your girlfriend and your best friend. You celebrated the win with a euphoria you had rarely felt. Everything felt worth it. The lonely nights, the travel around the country, the sacrifices you had to make as the partner of La Reina.

And as she pulled you into her arms after the final whistle, and pulled you over the barricade the same way she did when she scored her first professional goal your heart couldn’t swell more with pride. You don’t want to say that Alexia changed after the Ballon D’or. Because she didn’t. Well, maybe she did, she suddenly sported bright blonde locks which, you admit was sexy, but you missed the softness her natural hair gave her face. By the second Ballon D’or you thought maybe it was you that changed. Maybe it was you that put up a barrier. One that couldn’t be identified easily. But with study it could be noticed. The problem was that Alex wasn’t there to notice. Yeah, you were together, you did things together, you made love and you made memories. You went back to Mollet regularly and ate with your families and you went to games with Alba. But Alexia was busy. She had brand deals, she had interviews, she had achieved her dream of being the best footballer in the world. You knew she was since you were 12. But now the world knew too. And the world wanted her attention.

Oftentimes she was exhausted when she got home. She didn’t want to cuddle on the couch. She didn't want to walk around the plaza. She didn’t want to hear about your day. She would ask, but you could tell her mind was elsewhere, in some contract somewhere, so you started to lie. To give answers which would satisfy her without arousing suspicion. Always trying to put her ease first.

You would decline for nights out with her teammates, you even lied once or twice and said you had a wedding to paint, just to avoid suspicion. Alexia would take your answer as the truth, and kiss your cheek lightly as she left the apartment which quickly felt like it had become your prison. Mapi could see through you. She would try to get you to talk, but she was Alexia's team mate. Alex was her captain. It didn’t feel right to discuss your relationship issues with her. Not when you wouldn’t even talk to the woman in question about it. You found yourself in the familiar seats of the Johan Cryuff stadium taking in the first home game of the new season. Alba and Eli by your side. The first game was always a family affair. With the Putellas cousins in attendance, a restaurant booked for this evening for you all. It was an easy win for the Champions of Europe. And as you stood with Mapi and her new girlfriend Ingrid at the end of the match chatting, Patri bounded over, sweat on her brow and joy in her eyes. “Hola Senora La Reina” she teased you, kissing your cheek, you had been around the team so much that they all knew you well. “Ay, Idiota, hands off” and large, familiar hands wrapped around your middle, a kiss planted to your other cheek as you melted into her embrace. “Congrats bebe” you muttered, craning you neck you see her looking down at you with a smile. “Senora Reina, you’ll come out for drinks with us to celebrate the win, won’t you?” Parti asked, full of joy.

The attention of the 4 footballers on you suddenly unsettled you. Maybe it was the busy environment. Maybe it was being with Ingrid who you’d only met a few times. Maybe it was Alexias hands around you for the first time in what felt like months. But you struggled to get your words out. “Ah, gra…grac…gracias for the invite diablo, but m…m…me…” “She’s coming out with mi familia Patri, it’s tradition! You know that! Vamos, I will come out quickly for a drink then join you all, conejito” Alexia interrupted you, planted a final kiss on your cheek and headed to the changing rooms. She didn’t feel you freeze in her embrace. She didn’t see Patri and Mapis expressions change. She didn’t see Ingrid's look of confusion. You felt sick. You felt like you were about to burst into tears. Your throat burned and you struggled to swallow.

You felt small. You shuffled your feet on the ground and looked up to see Mapis' face had grown furious, her girlfriend's arm had come to rest over her shoulders, trying to settle her but unsure why. You went straight into damage control. Alexia has protected you your entire life. She had never interrupted you, she knew you couldn’t stand when people would finish your sentences. It was the worst thing you could do to someone with a stutter. She knew that. You don’t know why Alexia's endless patience ran out that day. But you knew you wanted to protect her from your best friend's rage. You knew it would happen one day, you just wish it had happened without any witnesses. For both of your sakes. “Mapi, it's fine.” “It is not fine!” Patri backs away from the situation with a kiss to your cheek and an apologetic look. “I don’t know what's wrong with her lately. I am going to kill her…” she moves towards the changing rooms but you pause her with a soft hand. “Maps, please don’t. It’s f…f…okay. I am okay. Ju…just go get changed and go on your night out. I will t..text you tomorrow. Please.” You look to Ingrid for help, you don’t know her well but she has the power over Mapi seemingly, and as she guides her to the changing rooms the small Spaniard seems to settle down.

Not enough though, apparently, because as soon as she sees her captain again, a flicker of that rage comes back to her. “What the fuck is wrong with you!” Mapi hisses to her captain, “Maria, stop” Ingrid tugged her by the elbow, trying to take her away. Alexia looked up from her phone with a look of indignation, yes she was Mapis friend but she was still her captain, and they were in front of the whole team. Her defensive wall immediately came up. “Discuple?” Her eyes cast across the changing room, their team mates continued to get changed and pretended they weren’t eaves dropping into the mini argument that had developed.

“I said, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Mapi spat out. “Why did you interrupt her?” Something in Alexia's stomach dropped. Her hands become clammy, her body reacting to the accusation before her mind could. “What? I didn’t. I would never.” she whispers in reply, but more to herself. “No, No I didn't.” she said more surely, somewhat desperately.

Mapi takes in her best friend's demeanour, the usually stoic and strong captain looked devastated, maybe even petrified? Mapi knew what she had done, but could see that Alexia would punish herself more than Mapi ever could. She stepped away, guided by Ingrid. Leaving Alexia to replay the last 10 minutes, desperately. Mapi saw the moment that realisation came to the Catalan Captain, as she bolted out of the changing room, hair damp, throwing her shirt on as she sprinted back into the stadium. Which is where she found you, moments later. You were sitting in the friends and family section, Alexias new baby cousin settled onto your knee, playing with your hands and babbling to himself. You made cooing noises and spoke softly to him and all her Tias and Tios got rounded up for your meal out. You felt her presence behind you, you could practically feel her anxiety coming off her in waves. You looked back quickly and confirmed your suspicions, her blonde hair damp and wetting her shoulders, her foot twisting against the concrete floor, hands knotted together and bottom lip drawn into her lip, chewing anxiously. “It’s fine Alex.” you said, as you turned, attention back on the baby in your lap. She must have seen this acknowledgement as her body surged towards you, she loudly collapsed into the seat next to you, the anxiety coming off her in waves. “Conej…” she started. “No Alex, I pr…pr… I swear. It’s okay. But I’m currently holding the ba…bab…ba… child.” you take a sigh. “I am holding the child and I don’t want to cry so p…please. It’s okay.” If it's possible. She looked even more devastated. Her whole face collapsed. She hated when you would revert to old techniques to speak, by changing up your words mid sentence. Alexia was your protector. It was her proudest badge. Before she was a footballer, in her mind, she was your partner. And she had let you down. She had done the worst thing she could have done. To an outsider Alexia's moment of impatience may have been a minor indiscretion at most. But to you? To Alex? It was the basis of your whole relationship. You felt safe with her. You had a voice, she said, all those years ago when you fell in love, and you deserved to be heard. And now she has brought that into question. “Can I touch you?” she asked, gently. This brought tears to your eyes and you nodded, whilst still entertaining the baby in your lap with coo’s and a false smile. She touched your knee, the heat of her hand bleeding into your skin. “You don’t need to mask in front of me y/f/n.” Alexia never used your name. “Please. Use the words you want to use. I am here to listen. Always.” You are interrupted as Alexias Tia comes to claim her baby, who you hand back with a last pat on the stomach and raspberry to the cheek. You are trying to avoid the next 5 minutes you know will happen. Alexia is somewhat rude when her Tia offers her congratulations, eyes boreing into your head. You sweep your hair back as you face her, having had a moment to think you get your words out easier. “Alex, it’s okay. It was bound to happen one day. Don’t worry about it. Please. Go out with your friends. I will go to the meal as planned. I promise. Alba will drive me home later.” “No.” Alexia says desperately, clutching your hand in hers, “Let’s just go home, amor. Please.” “Ale I made a promise to your mami. I am going to eat. I will see you later.” you press a kiss to her cheek and wander off towards her family. As she stands, watching you interact with her sister and her mami, her teammates call her over. She feels torn. She just wants to go home with you. She just wants to wrap you up in cotton wool and keep you in her arms. Safe. But you don’t want that right now, so she turns to do as instructed. Throwing one more glance your way, missing Albas worried face as she wipes a tear from your cheek.

Lonely and forgotten Never thought she'd look my way And she smiled at me and held me Just like she used to do Like she loved me When she loved me

You came home early. You asked if Alba could drop you off as soon as you had finished your meal. She was happy to oblige, worried about your silence the entire meal. You were looking down at your phone as you entered your apartment. Assuring Mapi again that you were fine and she should enjoy her drinks. You go to flick on the light in the living area when a stream of light below the door of your studio distracts you. You push the door open cautiously and see Alexia standing there, looking at your work in progress. It was different to your usual work. A close up sketch of a hand, wrapped around a flower, tenderly, it was in the early stages, you could see the lines of the palm and the blades of grass in the field behind. It was mounted onto canvas on your easel and the splashes of colour you had started to add contrasted against the paleness of the room. She hadn’t heard you enter, too lost in the image before her, but Pabs making a run for the door as it opened brought her attention to you. As you stand there, under her gaze, you struggle to remember the last time you saw Alexia in your studio. Yeah she would bob in to let you know dinner was ready, or that she was heading out, but she didn’t come in often enough to take in your work anymore. Now it wasn’t forced on her in the living space. It seemed Alexia had the same realisation as she broke her gaze with you and gestured towards your painting, and then further, to your desk overlooking the window, where more of your work lay. “You’re amazing. I didn’t… I.” a deep breath. “I hadn’t forgotten but I think I… Got lost? Somewhere along the way?” you tilt your head curiously. You don’t know what she’s talking about. “I have been a bad partner to you.”

“Alex…” “No. I have. And I’m not interrupting you but I won’t let you lie to protect me.” her eyes go again to your easel. “You’re amazing. You are so talented. You are filled with so much kindness. You deserve so much more than this.” her eyes fill with tears and she looks at you. “I tried. You know? I promise I did. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought this,” she gestures towards you and around you “was what you deserved. And it is. But more than that you deserve everything.” She takes a step towards you and grasps your hands with hers, her hands are cold, you note. As you take her in you see dried tear tracks down her cheeks, and… damp hair. “Alexia, did you not go out with the team?” “How do you think that I could go out with the team after what I did?” she asks, aghast. The reminder of the way the evening went washes over you. Alexia panics when she sees your eyes fill with tears. And she pulls you into her chest. “I am so, so sorry mi amor. I am so sorry” she whispers into your hair. “I have broken something sacred between us. And I will never forgive myself.” she swears to you. Though that doesnt bring you any joy. “I forgive you Alex.” she shakes her head in despair, joining you in tears. “You said it was bound to happen someday,” she starts, “Do not think like that amor. It was not. This is not your fault. In any way. It is mine. Please don’t think that, you deserve to be heard. I am so so sorry. So sorry. I will never do it again, promesa.” All you can do is nod into her chest.

She pulls you from the room and settles you both into the sofa, keeping the light off, only the skyline of the city illuminating your living room through the large, glassed wall.

She lets you cry into her t-shirt, soaking it more than her damp hair, and through the darkness you pull away and take in her face, she looks youthful. Gone, the professional make up, the expensive jewellery, and hair darkened by the dampness from her shower. You take in a large choked breath. “We need to talk.” you let out. Fear takes over her features and she starts to shake her head. “No, Mi Conejito please no, don’t do this.” she wails. It is a heart wrenching sound. She thinks she's going to be sick. “Woah, woah, woah” you place your hands on her cheeks and pull her panicked eyes to yours; “Mi amor I am not breaking up with you.” you state, clearly. “I am not. Now breathe with me.” Her eyes steady from their darting around the room in fear, and you place your hand on her chest, making her breathe with you. “Okay, okay… okay. Yes, please. Talk to me.” she begs, trying to get oxygen back into her lungs. “I feel alone. I feel… sa…sad. A lot of the time. And I know… you y…you aren’t doing it on pur…purpose.” Your girlfriend looks heartbroken. Like she had just found out her entire family had died. But refuses to interrupt you as you speak. But you have needed this conversation for so long, that the words start to tumble out of you. Getting lodged in your throat. Har large hand comes up to that familiar place, and massages the soft tissue behind your jaw. Trying to help you without interrupting. “You aren’t doing it on purpose.” you repeat. She pauses for a moment and doesn't ask what you thought she would. “Why am I making you anxious?” she asks, cutting through your thoughts. You move away from her and settle your elbows to your knees. Rubbing your face as you feel a large hand settle onto your back. You hated your stutter. You hated that it ruled your life, but most of all you hated how it exposed you. You were like a child who can’t hide a blush in front of their crush. “You aren’t, Alexia.” “Alex.” she corrects, “I am Alex to you” she insists, “your Alex. It’s just me, mi amor.” she looks at you desperately. “I feel alone, you are never here, and when you are here physically, you aren’t here in your head. Your head is in the clouds, it is with your agent, with your coach, it is not with me.” you’ve started now, so you won’t be able to stop yourself “it is me and Pabs and, even though you're dumb as bricks bebe, you're a better conversationalist than him” you try to joke, a half smile on your face. Which she matches, hand not stopping her ministrations on your back.

“I cannot remember the last time we just sat together, the last time that we cooked together. Can you Alex?” you don’t receive a reply,

“I haven’t had your eyes, look at me, really look at me for months. You give your time so easily to those around you, your team mates, people I see you out with at events. I can’t blame you, this is what you always dreamed of. But… I miss you.” Your speech is strong now; “and I love you. That will never change. But you need to know how I am feeling. So it's fair to you. I feel as though you are bigger than the world. And I am just the girl you saved in the art room.” She is openly crying now. “Don’t say that, you are everything” she mumbled, through tears.

She knew that she had been busy. But she didn’t realise the damage that she had done. She had been to events, you had been at her side. But. When was the last time she asked about a wedding you’d worked? God, you used to sit for hours describing the beautiful scenes, and she’d store away ideas for your own wedding. The last gallery you had shown at? When had she last visited your mami and papi, who had been there for her her entire life? She kept you off social media for your protection, but she didn’t mean to erase you. When had she become so god damn selfish. “Amor, I think that somewhere along the way, I had forgotten, and forgotten to remind you. There are more important things than football. Well. Football is second”.

You are thrown back to a memory, a school championship 15 years ago, sat on the bleachers watching your school get destroyed. The lanky football captain sat by your side. You can’t help it but tears fill your eyes. You missed her. That girl. The one you were and the one she was. “But.. you told me once, that I could have both.” she whispered, into your neck, “and you can, Alex. Of course you can. But you have to want both. And at the moment. It feels. It feels like you don’t want me.” “No! Mi Amor, Mi Vida, Mi Conejito. You are everything. Eres mi mundo. I am nothing without you.” she takes a breath, deep and shuddering. “I will fix this. Thank you for telling me how you feel. I have a chance to fix this. Si?” she asks, desperately. You nod, “Of course Alex, and it's for both of us to fix, I should have said something sooner.” She refuses your admittance of guilt and drags you into bed. She sticks to you like a second skin. Moves with you to brush your teeth. Standing waiting whilst you use the toilet. She places a fresh glass of water on your bedside table.You want to tell her to give you a bit of space, but the fear in her eyes prevents you from doing so. As soon as you crawl into your side of the bed she has pulled you into her embrace and the warmth that fills you goes beyond the shared body heat. For the first time in a long time, you wake up in the strong arms of Alexia. She hasn’t moved in the night an inch, and you take a moment to take her in. This is what you missed. Just breathing the same air as her. Just existing in the same space. As though she can feel you looking at her she begins to stir. Taking a moment to come to her senses, her arms grip you tighter around your waist. “Hola, Mi amor” she whispers into the air. Your response is a kiss to her lips, which she steals, hungrily. As you deepen the kiss you feel her begin to pull away. “Lo siento, mi amor, we cannot get carried away. Things to do.” your heart hurts again. You roll off the taller girl and reach for your phone as a distraction.

You thought, maybe, just maybe, for today at least. You would spend the day together. “Things to do!” she repeats, jumping out of bed with glee. “Where’s your passport”. That grabs your attention. “Que?” you ask, confusingly. “Your passport amor, Vamos!” She had long ago left the bed, and had started moving around the room, picking up various bags which had definitely not been there when you went to bed and moving them into the hallway. She was like a ball of energy, she stripped off her oversized t-shirt she had worn to bed, leaving her standing in just her boxers. Your eyes widened at the sight. Well, you think, at least all the time not spent with you was doing something good. You find yourself in a trance, practically salivating at your view.

A change of clothes being thrown at your head brings you out of your stupor. “Dressed. Go.” Alexia teases you, definitely having caught you starting. This makes you finally start to move as you shrug on the jogging bottoms and hoodie she threw at you. Happily, you note, it's one of hers that you’ve already destroyed with paint marks on the cuffs. “Why do you need my passport Alex? What's with the bags?” “We’re going on vacation!” That stops you, half in, and half out of your hoodie. Getting yourself stuck. “Vacation?” you ask, voice muffled by the fabric. You hear Alexia make her way over to you, then feel her gently pull you free from your fabric prison. “Si…” she gently tells you. A look overcomes her face which you can’t distinguish, then she kisses your nose, softly. “Vacation. Just me and you amor.”

“But what about work?” you ask, still catching up. “You don’t have anything booked for 6 days, I checked your calendar. And where we are going, you can bring all your art things if you need them. I’ve packed the basics in my carry-on already.” “Not my work. Alex, your work. You have a busy week.” at this point you seem to have lost her attention as she turns to your question dismissively. “I cancelled it.” she replies, simply. “You cancelled it.” you repeat. “Si.” “Alexia! Have you lost your mind! You have training, you have that meeting with Oakley - you have the pre-euros media to do! You have a game in 3 days” you reel off her calendar, watching as she continues to dress and pack her toiletries. She heaves out a sigh and turns back to you.

“Conejito, I know what I had, you don’t need to tell me I have just spent all night cancelling all of them. I spoke to Jona and he’s happy for me to miss the game. The rest of it doesn’t matter.” she moves closer to you again, “So no, I have not lost my mind. But, I did almost lose you, so please. Please tell me where your passport is so we can get on the plane I booked. Mapi will be here in a moment to take Pabs for the week.” You find yourself standing there, stunned. She seemingly had thought of everything. You look into the hall at the bags packed there ready to go. Pabs sniffed them curiously. She’s looking at you with wide, expecting eyes. There's nothing else for you to do you suppose. As you turn from her and open your bedside table, a smile can’t be kept off your face, you turn triumphantly with your passport held high. “Voila!” you present it to her; “What are you waiting for then Alex! We've got a plane to catch!” as you scurry out of the room and you hear the front door knock. Alexias cackle behind you. Alexia was always full of surprises when she wanted to be and she remained tight lipped all the way to the airport, refusing to tell you your destination.

You assumed it would be one of the islands somewhere, with the size of her luggage maybe somewhere farther afield, sun, sea and a pool somewhere promised. But she shocked you. When you got to the check in desk and realised you were flying to Switzerland you could have been knocked down with a feather. Your Alex, who was upset when she even had to wear a bikini top in the month of August, has booked for you to go to Switzerland?

She ignored your curious stare and just continued to sweet talk the check in lady, upgrading you to business class. As you descended hours later, between the snow peaked mountains against a stunning orange sun you couldn't believe what you were seeing. Your hands itched to claim the sketch book from Alexias carry on. Soon, after collecting your luggage and Alexia picking up a hire car that has also been pre booked (seriously did this girl sleep at all the night before?), you found yourself being driven through a mountain forest, as a lodge that seemed to cling to the mountainside came into view, isolated and beautiful. You stood on the wooden balcony, hands gripping a warm drink as you took in the view of the sun setting behind the mountains. “Look at that, Amor.” you felt, more than heard, whispered against your ear. Lips planting a kiss at your jaw as strong hands settle over your stomach.

You fell back into her embrace. “It’s so beautiful.” you replied, eyes focused on the scene before you. “I saw this advert. Months ago.” she continued. “Just in the back of a catalogue at work. They will have the Euros near here, you know, 2025?” That made you snort with laughter. “Ah, I see Putellas, now it makes sense how you’ve been dragged from the beach, scoping out the environment are we? Anything for that competitive edge.” your teasing is clear in your voice.

You feel a pinch on your stomach, “No, idiota,” though the laugh is clear in her voice. “I saw that advert and I couldn’t get it out of my head. It is so beautiful here.” you hum in agreement, “But what I could not get out of my head was that I wanted you to see it. I love seeing the world through your eyes.”

She turns you in her embrace and she places a gentle kiss to your forehead as you feel her breathe you in. “You see things so beautifully, Amor, and then you paint them for the world to see. You are so special.” Your heart melts at the blonde, and you feel some of the despair that had settled into your stomach over the last months shrink. Here Alexia was, at work, flicking through some promotional material between interviews and training, and her thoughts are with you. “And I will not let you forget how special you are, ever. Never again”. You spent those days in pure bliss. You spend the days hiking - her pretending to be as tired as you at the peak of a mountain, she was a terrible actress but you appreciate the sentiment non the less - having picnics, exploring the mountain villages, and on one particularly spicy day, skinny dipping in an isolated mountain lake that a swiss teammate had told Alexia about. Evenings were spent looking up at the stars together, you firmly in alexias lap on the balcony, sharing a glass of wine which you held. She pointed out stars that her Papa had shown her and given silly names to, and you were there to catch her tears. She would complain only minimally that she was cold, and you would offer to warm her up and she would lead you gently into the bedroom. Nights spent in each other's embrace, sighs shared and no alarms to wake you. You would dance around the kitchen, play cards at the table, share wine and stories and just catch up.

The pit in your stomach mended with each kiss, each peel of laughter and each stroke of the skin.

One evening, after the skinny dipping adventure in which the footballer insisted that she must have hypothermia and had taken herself off over an hour ago telling you she wasn’t coming out of the warm shower until she had become a prune. You had started to add the finishing touches to a sketch of the scene beyond your lodges window when you felt the blonde return into the room, You eyed her quickly, flannel tartan pyjamas covering her tall frame, hanging over her wrists, matching shorts which are despicably short. Fuzzy socks on her feet. She looked absolutely adorable.

You didn’t know why she was staring at you though, She moved towards you and you made space for her on the couch. “You have your glasses on, Conejita.” she mumbled, and you reached up, as though to confirm they were on your face, “I didn’t know you still wore them.” You didn’t, too be honest, but with the long day of fresh air and a strong sun on the mountainside your eyes had grown tired. You shrugged at her, as she placed a soft kiss on your lips. Lovesick look in her eyes. “You’re so hot.” She mumbled, more to herself. You hear though, and the blush runs up your neck.

You moved to get your work off your lap but she stopped you, pulling you back into her embrace and you automatically moved your knees up to rest your sketchbook there. “Carry on, please.” her chin rested on your shoulder. You hesitated, you didn’t come all this way to not spend time with the blonde, you wanted to soak in every minute. You wouldn’t be happy if she started to kick a ball around in the kitchen. She could sense your hesitation, “please. Remember, I like the sound of your pencil.” she moves your free hand to her bare thigh, “and it gives me goosebumps.” You fell in love again over those 6 days. You never fell out of it. But maybe you both just needed reminding. You felt whole, your communication about how you were feeling had worked, Alexia had listened. You just had one worry though, as the plane landed back in Barna you couldn’t hold it in. “Alex.” you said, before the seatbelt sign came on, gripping her arm lightly. “This was the best trip of my life. Thank you.” Her smile cracked her face, and she looked immensely proud of herself. “Mine too, Amor.” she agreed, easily, her face was peaceful . “But. I can’t go back to how things were again, si? I don’t think I could survive it, not after this week.” she's already shaking her head. “It won’t, I promise. I will not let that happen. Me and you, Si? That is all that is important” you take a moment, “And Pabs.” you amend for her, breaking the tension. “Si, of course” she rolls her eyes, “and Pablo Petcatso.”

When somebody loved me Everything was beautiful Every hour we spent together Lives within my heart When she loved me

“Hey, Al?” you shout, into the living room as you enter your flat. It's been a few weeks since you returned from your impromptu get away. A busy few weeks. You have been booked up and Alex had to make up for the time she had lost, Barca were still in 4 competitions so the match load was heavy. You could see she was trying though, so that made the darkness that had started to creep back in more bearable. She wasn’t home from training yet. Which disappointed you more than usual. You were giddy.

You had just found out that your art had been selected to be shown at a huge gallery opening in the centre of the city. An established and high-end gallery. It was a big deal, and it was potentially your big break. You got flutters in your stomach even thinking about the commissions it could make you. Pabs popped his head around the door and you picked him up giddily and span him around, his meow in response you took as a congratulations as you danced and laughed. You didn’t hear the door behind you open but you heard your favourite voice in the world, “And what have I walked into here, hey, a party with my favourite two? Without me?” Alexia laughed. “Alex, we're celebrating!” you let Pabs free from your grip as he scurried away from his crazy mama. Her arms loop around you as you move into a slow dance, grinning up at her; “Ah, Si? And what are we celebrating?” “I got chosen! For the gallery!” Your feet leave the floor as the taller girl fully brings you into her arms, lifting you and spinning you around in glee, the squeal she lets out is full of childlike joy. “Of course you did! You are amazing!” she plops you back down and attacks your face with kisses. “I’m so proud of you Mi Amor and I am so excited to see your gallery. Oh I can get all dressed up and be your arm piece!” The thought brings you pure joy, the image of Alexia standing by your side, proudly, champagne in hand. Your Mami and Papi and Eli and Alba all present. Pabs in a little bow tie. “Si?” you ask, shyly, much more used to being by her side, “You’ll come? It is in 4 weeks. The 16th. You should be just starting on break.” A shadow of sadness passes her face at your insecurity, “Amor even if I was not on break I would not miss this for the world. If I had the world cup final I would call in sick. I will be there. I will be the girl with the biggest bouquet of flowers in all of Barna with the lovesick look on her face.” It had been a whirlwind of a month, you had to put the finishing touches on your pieces.

You have chosen to showcase your best landscapes.

Scenes from the road to Valencia, The Square in Mollett, Beach Scenes in Barca, Snow capped mountains of Switzerland.

It was the story of your love for Alexia. Told through scenes only the two of you could understand the significance of.

In the week leading up to the opening, you would spend late nights at the gallery, setting up lighting with Mapi and your Papi. Eli would walk around straightening frames on the walls. As you settled into bed each night, Alexia would open her arms and bring you into her warn embrace.

You couldn’t wait to share your love story with the world. Alexia was having a bad day. It started bad. And continued to be bad. First, she woke up alone, which she hated.

She recalled a kiss to the forehead and a whispered ‘I'll see you later’ before she'd dozed back off. Then she realised that she had forgotten to charge her phone and was therefore late to training. Well. Not late for normal people. But late for Alexia. Then she forgot her socks and had to steal some of Irenes. She had a bad training session and Patri beat her in all their 1v1’s. And then the icing on the cake. She was dragged out from her gym session to do media which she hated. By the time she had finished the changing rooms were mostly empty, with only Pina and Patri left, scheming together in a corner.

“Ah now, Capi! Turn that frown upside down!” Pina teased her, “Ay, come out for a drink with me and Patri, the girls are all coming later, a bonding session before the break!”

And Alexia would usually say no, she wasn’t one for massive social events. But a drink sounded good. And it was the last day of training before the break.

Which is how she found herself 4 drinks in, deep in a booth in Patris favourite bar downtown. Most of the girls had joined them and laughter and chatter filled the roped off space. Something was missing and it took Alexia a moment to realise that there wasn’t a yapping in her ear.

“Ay, Pina, where are Mapi and Ingrid?”

“They text the group, they had something on but they’re going to join us after. Ah… here they are!” Pina turned as Patri dragged her to the dance floor. Alexia turned to where Pina had pointed and saw Ingrid and Mapi walking towards her. She smiled and raised her hand in a wave, as they got closer she took in their state of dress; “Ay, sexy mamas, it’s only a night out with the team. Why are you dressed so nice? Have you just come from your wedding?” Mapi looked at Alexia. But really, really looked at her. “What?” nothing. “Maria, what? Why are you looking at me like that? Ingrid?” she faced the usually kind woman but she wasn’t met with her usual smile, “What’s happening? Wh-ohmygod.” It hit Alexia like a freight train. Like 10 freight trains. She physically had to hold onto the chair to her side to remain standing. “No, no, no, I didn’t, I couldn’t have done.” She starts to pat herself down and pulls her phone out, dead, still uncharged from the night before. She holds it up to Mapi, as evidence, evidence of what she doesn’t know. As though it gives her a lifeline. She knows it doesn’t. “Ingrid? Ingrid please tell me I didn’t miss it.” she asks, desperately. The tall girl looks away, as though she can’t even face what the captain had done. “Alexia.” The rage is barely contained in Mapis' voice. “I can’t even look at you.” Mapi turns to leave, but it's as though her anger wont let her; she turns again and spits out; “Do you think she needed a reminder on her phone to know when the Champions League final was? Do you think… I can’t… I have just come from her gallery opening. Her life's work. A life shared with you. And here you are. At a bar. Celebrating, what? A game of football? A half season well done? Fuck off. Seriously. Fuck. Off” Ingrid grips her hand and tries to pull her away. All Alexia can do is stand there and take it, it's not a hundredth of what she deserves. “No Ingrid.” She pulls her hand free and pushes her finger into Alexia's chest. “You are a selfish monster. She thought you must be hurt. That's what she thought. She thought you were in a ditch somewhere. She almost cancelled the whole thing to run around hospitals to find you. But then Alba saw you on Patris instagram. And here you are. La Reina.” Mapi looks her up and down, pure disgust on her face. “Your Mamis held her as she sobbed. Alba redid her makeup. I would steer clear of her Papi for months if I were you. She is strong, and she gave a speech.” Alexia couldn’t breathe. You gave a speech? She wasn’t there. She wasn’t there. “Please, Maria, stop. I can’t listen.” Alexia couldn’t take it. She moved Mapis' hand off her chest and ran to the door of the club. One thought in her mind. Get to you. Get to you. “It's too late Alexia.” Mapi shouts to her back. She ignores her. It can’t be. No It can't be. She jumps out of the uber onto the unfamiliar street. The lights to the gallery are off but she desperately tries the door regardless. Banging on it with her fist in frustration. She lets out a scream into the empty street. Peering through the windows she sees wall after wall of your work. Scenes she recognises from her life. Football pitches. Beaches, Mountains. The scene from your balcony in Mollet. It was all so beautiful. So carefully curated. And she wasn’t there. She takes off at a run. It’s not too late. Mapi is wrong. It’s not too late. She will die if it is too late. “Y/N!” she barged into the apartment. She must have ran 10 miles. “Y/N are you here?” She runs from room to room. But there is no one there. When that's established she plugs her phone into the charger on the breakfast bar and makes her way back through the apartment. She goes into the bedroom. No, please no. The wardrobe is open, your side is empty. She looks around. Your things are gone.

The kitchen remains largely unaffected. Though the picture of you and your parents no longer sits on the shelf. Your trainers are gone from the hall. Your favourite blanket from the couch. She looks at the walls. Anything you had painted. Gone. Alexia always insisted that your art be on the walls, in each home you shared together. “Why would I want strangers work on the walls, Mi Amor? When I have the best artist in the world here?” she would say, making you blush. She was addicted to that blush. She walks back into the hallway. One picture remains in pride of place. The picture you presented to her in her darkest moment. You would never take that away from her. It was a gift of pure adoration. All it does is make the stabbing pain in Alexia's heart worsen. She pushes open the door to your art studio. All that remains are paints and blank canvases. Except. In the middle of the room. The easel. A picture she had seen before, in its early stages. A hand. A hand holding a beautiful flower. But it had changed somehow. Pressure lines had appeared. The flower beginning to wilt under the force. It wasn’t your usual work. Alexia stood closer. Entranced. As she inspected the image she saw the light tease off still wet paint. You had touched this up recently. Her eyes search, frantically for anything of your last moments in the apartment when she catches it. Too light for anyone not searching for it. 11. Blended into skin at the wrist of the image. A tattoo. So lightly painted but it etched itself fiercely into Alexia's soul. This was her hand. This hand that was silently destructive, was hers. She saw a post it note stuck to the leg of the easel and in your looping handwriting: ‘Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting that they won't use it.’

She brought her hand up to her mouth and let out an audible gasp. She runs into the kitchen and dry heaves over the sink. There, she watches as her tears splash into the marble. And as she watches. She takes note of a single paint droplet. Her tears joined it, creating the most heart crushing piece of work she had ever seen.

God. She used to get so angry at that paint in the sink.

It's been years, she thought, years since she found paint in the sink. How much did you have to lessen yourself in order to be with her?

She collapsed into a seated position. Back against the kitchen cabinet. And brought her knees to her chest. She sobbed. And sobbed. She was joined at one point by Pabs. She thought you’d taken him with you. But no, in a typical act of kindness you wouldn’t leave her alone in her despair.

His little bow tie still sat around his neck, skew-whiff, as he looked at his mama curiously. He licked her nose and she sobbed harder.

Weeks passed.

She doesn’t know how she got through those weeks. Thousands of missed calls. Hundreds of messages. Went unanswered.

Alexia didn’t hear from you. Her Mami and Alba had forgiven her after Alba had found her in a state and unable to look after herself but they made it clear they were on your side. Mapi wouldnt look at her. They wouldn't tell her where you were, they wouldn’t pass on any message.

She was too frightened to go to your Mami and Papa.

She hadn’t trained well for weeks, She arrived at training exhausted. Sleep would never find her. She was barely clinging on. Jona still insisted she play. She was La Reina.

And then she broke. And that's where Irene found her, after another match of lacklustre performance. In a back corridor of the stadium. Broken and staring at the wall in front of her.

A ghost of the woman she was.

Her phone lay next to her. A message from you. A response to her apologies, her thoughts, the pain she had told you she felt for your failed relationship.

Finally, Word you were alive.

3 words in fact. “It’ll pass Alexia.”

#woso x reader #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas imagine #woso community

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neil-gaiman · 9 months

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Hello Mr Neil Gaiman, I write to say you have ruined me; again. Four times in my life I have been utterly and hopelessly rotted and ruined and consumed by your work. First was when I was 4 and first watched Coraline, I didn't even know who you were and couldn't conceive it either way back then; but I remember watching the movie so much until the disc scratched, and making my mum buy me a coraline doll and lalaloopsy dolls that reminded me of it. Then when I was 12, when season one of good omens came out, and I immediately found out it was a book (WHAT?? IT'S A BOOK?? I NEED TO READ IT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-)(I read it), and it was all I could find myself speaking about for months. This year when season 2 came out, I was absolutely heartbroken, and this altered my brain in a way I had never even dreamed possible; everything clicked that the common denominator in making me go insane was *you*, so I followed you on tumblr and everywhere I could and I made it my life's mission to read more of your books. First, as soon as I could, I read The Neil Gaiman Reader in two days and it was SO GOOD (and returned it to the library as soon as I finished), and I knew instantly I had to get The Ocean At The End Of The Lane. Only trouble is, where I live has basically no books, of anyone's, ever, so I searched probably five different bookshops until I found it and I immediately got it. I wasn't allowed to read it till Christmas though. Then Christmas day came, the day I had hyped up in my head for so long, simply because I got to read this book, so in one sitting on Christmas, I read the ocean at the end of the lane. I think I have found a new obsession to occupy my brain. How do you write all of these things? How do you inspire these feelings? I feel like you have a kind of magic to you. I have spent basically the whole day since googling everything I can about this novel (and hoping, wishing and praying that the play will return and come to Western Australia some day), but now I have the VERY URGENT request of answering my questions please please please pretty please. 1) What are some things you wish people knew about The Ocean At The End Of The Lane that they don't know already? 2)What are questions that you want people to ask about it, but haven't yet? 3) Where did you get all of the magic and emotion and EVERYTHING encapsulated those pages? - Yours sincerely, an extremely obsessed high school senior.

Dear E.O.H.S.S.

I'm really happy it had that effect on you. Now we both have to hope that the National Theatre adaptation of The Ocean at the End of the Lane gets revived and makes it to Australia, because most of your questions are sort of answered in the play.

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enwoso · 2 months

Note

If you’re still doing requests, how about grumpy is desperate for a dog but alessia’s allergic, but in the end she finally caves

PRETTY PLEASE! — alessia russo x child!reader

honestly quite enjoyed writing this, based off my own experience of begging my mum and dad for a dog when i was wee little one xo

grumpy masterlist

ever since beth and viv welcomed their new puppy into their family but also to the team and even more specifically to you. you had constantly been asking sometimes it would be more than once a day, when you could get a puppy of your own.

sometimes it would be a the first thing you'd ask in the morning and most of the time it would be the last thing you asked before falling into a deep sleep.

"mummy can we please get a puppy like beth and viv?" you asked after meeting myle for the first time, "not right now lovie, mummy doesn't have time to look after you and a puppy"

"mummy look at the picture i drew, there's me, you and a little puppy! can we please please get a puppy?" you smiled holding up your drawing proudly. "oh that's lovely, maybe when you get older you can"

"mummy! do you like my list of names i have for my puppy when i'm older!" you held out a piece of paper. "lets hear a couple then!" mummy asked, "um ollie, luna, rocky, oreo..." you trailed off.

"mummy please please please can we get a puppy?" you asked as a yawn escaped your lips as mummy was tucking you into bed, "we'll see okay, sleep tight lovie. mummy loves you lots"

alessia had been toying with the idea for a while, now while she was most definitely a dog person. like she loved being around dogs, and loved nothing more than having a good puppy snuggle.

however there came an obstacle with alessia getting her own little puppy herself. she was allergic. not like deathly allergic but still would end up with itchy eyes and a runny nose if she spent too much time around dogs.

and admittedly alessia had been very against getting you a dog, not just because she was allergic but also because it was already difficult for her to manage her schedule around your needs without having to factor in looking after a dog too.

but it was getting hard to keep saying no, your sad little nod as alessia never gave the answer you wanted to hear along with the fact you were very persistent in your attempts in trying to convince your mummy. even getting one of the girls to go as far as helping you write out a letter on how you would look after the dog and give it snuggles anytime it needed. writing the words please, please, pretty please in big giant letters.

alessia was starting to crack as a few times she found her self doing some research before backing down and coming back to the same open google tab a few days later.

which is what she found herself looking at now, puppy's which needed to be adopted.

"less, what are you doing?" beth asked as she dragged alessia out of her own little bubble in the arsenal canteen. beth having spotted the blonde staring off into space, her phone opened on something on google as alessia sat by herself.

"oh, nothing. just- do you think lovie is too young for me to add a puppy into the mix as well?" alessia asked, beth probably being one who would be able to give her the best advice, maybe not fully on daughter situation but most definitely on the puppy advice.

"i see your starting to crack!" beth teased knowing that for months you'd been asking for nothing more than a little fury friend as alessia sighed a little bit before nodding. alessia was in fact starting to crack and warm up to the idea of getting you your own little puppy.

"i just can’t keep seeing that sad little face of hers each time i tell her no, but i don't know where to start!" alessia huffed placing her phone down on the table, beth giving a knowing nod and hum.

"i get that, well your slightly allergic aren't you?" beth clarified as alessia nodded, "well i would say start looking at breeds which are hypoallergenic first and then go from there!"

since the conversation, beth had been helping alessia find the perfect puppy to fit into your little family.

and to alessia's look she had found the perfect dog, in the form of a labradoodle puppy and he was coming home with alessia today.

you had been at nursery all day, so alessia had time to go and pick up the puppy and then get everything on the list of things that beth said would be needed before dropping off the puppy at her house where beth and viv would be, to stay with the puppy while alessia went to go and get you from nursery.

it had taken weeks of planning, organising and more planning along with more pleads for a puppy from you to make sure one alessia could give a puppy a loving home while still looking after you but also to make sure alessia wasn't biting off more than she could chew at the moment.

"have you had a good day lovie?" alessia asked as you were sat in your car seat in the same line of traffic, that you would always be stuck at just before the last turn to your home.

"yes! we played outside and then we learned to write and i drew!" you grinned as alessia took interest into what you did throughout the day as you began to explain in more detail of what you did in the day.

the traffic finally eased and alessia was pulling into the driveway of your home. alessia got out first before opening your car door and unbuckling you.

"jump out then lovie" alessia held out her hand for you to hold as you jumped the same distance from the car to the gravelled driveway. alessia grabbing your little backpack before leading you inside.

"bethy! viv?" you looked at them confused, wondering how on earth they got here. "what are you doing here!"

"can we not come and see are favourite russo ey?" beth joked as a small scoff came from alessia as she placed your back and shoes away, before her owns.

"yes, but where myle?" you walked over to them both as they were sat on the couch, slotting yourself into the small gap between the both of them as you talked with them.

"she's out with steph and calvin" viv said as you hummed a small pout coming into your face, you loved myle. she was so small and bouncy and loved to play. whenever you were at beth's, myle would always bring her toys to you and you would run around the garden and she would chase you around, it was your own special game.

you always wanted a puppy of your own but mummy said to wait until you were older but that was too long in your mind.

"but we did bring something else that we think you might enjoy" viv nudged you once seeing your frown as your mummy came from the kitchen small little scratches on the wooden floor following behind her.

"who dat?" you asked your mummy moving out the way to reveal a small fluffy brown puppy with a little bit of white on its face.

"he's your puppy" your mummy smiled as she moved to sit on the floor the puppy immediately going to sit in her lap, as you looked on a little confused not sure how to react as beth was nudging you forwards.

"he look like calvin" you grinned, moving off the couch towards your mummy as you sat next to her to stoke the small puppy, he was so soft. the puppy moving to lick your hand as you giggled.

"he does, what are you going to call him?" mummy asked as you hummed, your thinking face appearing on your face.

"um rocky!" you called out as some looks came your way from beth and viv before they both agreed on your name choice.

"you sure?" mummy asked knowing you had a tendency to change your mind quickly but you shook your head firmly as you carried on stroking rocky.

"rocky it is then!" alessia giggled as rocky moved from her lap and towards you, him placing his head on your outstretched legs.

alessia moving to sit on the other couch near beth and viv and the three of them watched on in awe of your little interactions with rocky. knowing you were 100% on cloud nine, your wish had come true.

"oh tiny!" beth blurted out remembering she had something else for you, you head snapping up from watching rocky as you looked towards beth.

"i got rocky a little elephant too, cause i know you have your elephant teddy which you take everywhere" beth smiled as viv passed the small elephant dog toy to you. it having a squeaky noise in its tummy, making rocky’s head tilt every time he heard it.

a smile not leaving your face as the elephant toy was pretty much identical to yours but it was a slightly darker grey meaning there was no chance of getting the two mixed up.

"what do you say lovie?" alessia looked at you with a nod of the head towards beth.

"thank you bethy, thank you vivi" you hugged them both as they both hugged you tightly back, as you gave the toy to rocky. he immediately putting it into his mouth and leaning his paws on it.

"thank you mummy for rocky!" you ran over to hug your mummy, knocking her back slightly into the couch at the speed at which you came flying in at. alessia attacking your cheek with multiple kisses as your giggled, repeating over for her to stop in between your giggles.

mummy let you go and you went straight back to where rocky was lying on the floor, lying on your tummy next to him as you stoked and cuddled him. him having a little nap in your arms.

"thanks for helping me with all of this, this will have made her entire year" alessia smiled appreciatively at the two, as viv waved the blondes thanks off, "anything to see her happy"

it's safe to say you and rocky were now inseparable.

#alessia russo x reader #alessia russo #alessia russo x y/n #woso community #woso x reader #woso #woso imagine #woso blurbs #awfc #arsenal women #arsenal wfc #arsenal #beth mead #viv miedema #england wnt #england women #england #enwoso

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empath-bunny · 2 months

Text

Single Dad!James who trusts with his life that you, bsf!reader, will protect and take care of baby Harry.

Single Dad!James who thinks you staying over to help take care of newborn Harry are sleepovers (he didn’t mature one bit).

Single Dad!James who doesn’t correct people when they think you are Harry’s mum.

Single Dad!James who video calls you whenever toddler Harry accomplishes a small milestone while you are at work.

Single Dad!James who kisses your cheek and Harry’s crown who’s in your arms while passing beside you.

Single Dad!James who doesn’t realise women are flirting with him because he only has eye for his family, Harry and you.

Harry who looks at you like you hung up the stars 🥹

Single Dad!James who suddenly starts getting weird feelings when watching you take care of Harry and do mundane things.

Single Dad!James who apparates (had to Google how to write that fucking word) desperately at wolfstar’s house and cries out to Sirius that he likes you.

Sirius who barks out laughing, saying he doesn’t like you, he loves you.

Single Dad!James who is very vocal and close with his friends so him telling you “I love you” is a regular thing,

Until he meant it differently.

He loved you.

He wants to be with you.

He wants you to be Harry’s mum.

_______

Wrote this at 2:40 AM, so it’s rushed, sorry for any mistakes! Please let me know so I can fix them.

Tomorrow’s my first day back at uni and I wanted to write anything and get it out there, rip the bandaid off. I feel like a pop star bc one post I made got 50 reblogs!!! Like holy shit imagine 50 people in an auditorium listening to me talk shit!!!! Last time that happened I was in the theatre and I forgot the closing word of the play. I improvised, ofc.

So, Dad!james is currently the hot topic on my feed, you all know I’m a hoe for that combo, I had to put in my two cents, I’m totally projecting.

Constructive criticism is well received here! Actually, it is begged for. How am I going to improve if people don’t tell me where I fuck up?

#james potter x reader #James potter x bsf!reader #James potter x you #dad!james potter x reader #dad!james potter x bsf!reader #headlines #fanfic #first whaterever this is #marauders #marauders era #single dad!James potter x reader #I’m tired af

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smooth-perceval · 1 year

Text

The significance of 16.

Charles Leclerc x Fem!reader

Summary: Charles was never on time, and now he only worried if he was too late for her.

Warning: Swearing, Love confessions, angst, fluff, run away bride!! Google translate, my bad writing.

Key: Y/N (your name) Michael (Fiancé name)

Word count: 2,069

A/N: somewhat a quick cute idea- hope you enjoy! I actually found this rather quick and cute- she may have jumped back to him quickly but so would I if I had Charles Leclerc.

Today was the day- I was finally getting married… finally saying I do-

Looking at myself in the mirror, I swayed side to side the dress flowing with me… it seems surreal- it doesn’t seem right-

“Y/N? Est-ce que je peux entrer?” (Am I okay to come in?)

Broken out of my trance I looked at the door- “oh oui -” (yes) moving away from the mirror, I watched as Pascale entered.

“oh chérie, regarde-toi...” (oh darling, look at you…) Smiling wide at me, she held her hands out bringing me into a warm embrace.

“tu es magnifique!” (You look beautiful)

Kissing both my cheeks, she held onto either sides of my arms. “Merci…” (thank you)

Furrowing her eyebrows she leaned in closer. “quel est le problème?” (What’s the matter?)

Shaking my head I smiled waving her off, going over to the window. “rien je vais bien.” (Nothing I’m fine.)

“quand une fille dit : je vais bien, les larmes aux yeux... elle ne va pas bien.” (When a girl says I’m fine with tears in her eyes… she is not fine.) Sitting down on the 2-seater lounger, she patted the seat next to her, smiling so warmly. “parle moi” (talk to me)

Looking out the window I took sixteen deep breaths, before taking a seat down next to her, straight away she gripped ahold of my hand comfortingly. When I finally found the courage, I looked up into her eyes, mascara slowly running down my cheeks.

“Charles est-il là?” (Is Charles here?) nodding her head slowly, her smile now faultering, I only mimicked her. The shoot of pain going through my wounded heart “j'aimerais que ton fils arrête de me briser le cœur” (I wish your son would stop breaking my heart) laughing a little, I looked down at our hands.

“je ne pouvais pas l'attendre éternellement Pascale.” (I couldn’t wait forever for him Pascale.) sighing I accepted my defeat.

I like Michael he treats me right… His there when I need… sometimes- he respects me- he never left me hanging… again sometimes.

“tu l'aime?” (Do you love him?) as if she was reading my mind, I was shocked she asked such forward questions, it cause me to stand up abruptly. “De quelle question s'agit-il ? Je l'épouse-” (What question is that? I’m marrying him-)

“je ne parlais pas de Michael chéri...” (I wasn’t talking about Michael dear…)

“Oh…” falling silent I looked down at the floor, what words was there to give? I pined over Charles for years… since we were kids I’d say, and always got turned away for being too young for him… too young my ass. His 1 year and 8 months older…

“qu'est-ce que j'ai utilisé pour te dire, hein ?” (What did I use to tell you huh?) Smiling up at me she stood up slowly.

“il y a une signification dans le nombre seize” (there's a significance in the number sixteen) smiling sadly at her I moved back over to the mirror, now wiping my mascara off my cheeks once again- this is all I done all morning… repeatedly wipe away tears.

“il est presque temps-” (it’s nearly time) re-applying some concealer and mascara, I fanned my face to calm down my red eyes and puffy lips. Moving up behind me I felt Pascale rest her head against my arm looking at me also in the mirror.

“Je t'aimerai toujours chérie, quel que soit le résultat que tu choisis” (I’ll always love you dear, whatever outcome you choose.) and just like that she left the room, my dad now making an entrance.

“You ready darling?” Looking over at him I nodded my head.

“Dad…” smiling he moved in the room, concern in his eyes. “What’s wrong-?”

“How did you know mum was the one?”

Smiling wide he leant against the now closed door. “I looked at her, and I knew… and when she was walking down that aisle. I couldn’t see myself with anyone else.” He reached his hand out touching my cheek. “You’ll understand, now let’s get you to that aisle” taking my hand, I quickly reached over grabbing my bouquet, taking the slow walk with dad to the ceremony.

There we stood outside the closed doors, and behind there was the guy in about to stay with for the rest of my life… or so I hope. Dad quickly turned it me pulling the veil over to cover my face. Smiling at me once again.

It was real when the pianos were heard, the doors slowly opened, standing there I watched as everyone turned, scanning each person I can see in view- my stomach knotted… once again I was taking sixteen deep breaths, before my feet moved.

My hand gripped my dad’s arm tight- I felt like I was about to walk fire, or drown in a pool of judgment.

The only judgment was me on myself.

We made it half way down the aisle… then I saw him, not Michael- My Charles. His eyes were red, brimmed with tears- and even in a moment like this he still offered a tight lipped smile, his hands were clasped in front of himself- and I only silently prayed he grabbed me and pulled me away.

But he didn’t…

My hand was placed in Michael’s, as a sign that my dad was ‘giving me away’ once done Michael leaned forward moving the veil behind.

“You look lovely-” and I couldn’t help the half smile I returned him…

And now looking at him- it didn’t make sense, I don’t feel the butterflies like I do with Charles… I don’t feel giddy around him- my smile doesn’t reach my eyes, he doesn’t make me want to pull my hair out, he doesn’t scream to me the type of guy that truthfully would go to the ends of the earth and make sure I felt loved- I was more of a convenience… and even if Charles didn’t realise it- he done all that, he made me feel love without realising, wether it was ensuring I didn’t injure myself on sharp corners, or looking after me when I am sick- and beating the boys up when we was younger whenever they would make a horrible comment… But what Charles was so stupid of doing was never realising I was so in love with him while he was loving everyone else and that pained me.

I shot my shot with him fifteen times, and each time it was brushed off with a “you’re only young you’ll grow out of it.” And now? Well his standing there at my ceremony with them begging eyes- maybe I was delusional, but I could see it. I could see him asking me not to go through with it.

“Y/N?” Quickly snapping my head to the officiant with a hum and wide eyes.

“I said do you take Michael Stone to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

I didn’t mean to- but I looked back at Michael and then as always I found myself back looking at Charles.

“I do…” the defeat that I felt in my heart showed in Charles eyes, his head hung low- my eyes fell back onto Michael, welling up with tears.

“Not…” sucking in a deep breath- gasps rang out, I rose my hand to his cheek. Shock plastered on his face- “Im sorry… I love you Michael… but I’m not in love with you” the tears fell, as I watched his face turn more confused. “You don’t love me… we both know it… and I don’t want to spend my life wondering what would have happened if I didn’t do this… but I can’t marry you.” Looking down at the floor, I then looked back up at him smiling sadly. “I can’t marry you when I’m completely and incandescently in love with someone else…”

Nodding his head slowly… Michael reached his hands up resting on my arms, brushing up and down in a soothing manner. “I understand… but promise me he can love you- with love I couldn’t give…”

“I hope so-” reaching up onto my tiptoes I kissed his cheek, before grabbing my dress and speed walking back down the aisle.

Listening to the rustling behind me- someone urgently asking people to move out their way- but yet it didn’t stop me.

Whether me and Charles was meant to be or not- I knew I wasn’t meant to marry Michael… we both knew. Pushing the doors to the church open, I fled down the steps- like Cinderella leaving the ball.

“Y/N- wait!” Turning around I see him running behind practically missing steps as he ran down.

“What Charles-” tilting my head up at him I felt a sense of pride- I just walked out of my wedding- I was invincible.

“Don’t leave me now.” Breathing in heavily, his chest rising and falling catching its breath back.

“Fifteen times I’ve tried with you Charles.” Stepping away from him I titled my head back towards the floor.

“The significance of sixteen.” And before I knew it- the thing I’ve dreamed about all my life- the thing I yearned for finally happened.

His lips were crushed onto mine, one hand behind my head the other wrapped securely around my body. It didn’t take long for me to respond- kissing him back with so much adrenaline and passion. My hands made their way to his chest, as I gently pushed him back…

“Charles…” whispering his name against his lips, I pulled away slowly, looking up at him through my lashes. “What do you want from me…”

“I’m so in love with you.” Blurting out whatever made it to his lips first, my eyes widened a little- both smiling shyly at each other. A light chuckle escaping him.

“I mean- I can’t let you run out my life… not when I am in love with you…”

“I waited sixteen years to hear those words from you-” touching his cheek, I moved away from him looking around.

“I don’t know if I really need to have my hopes crushed by you once again Charles.” Picking back up my dress I glanced back at him.

“Do you know what love is Charles?”

Nodding his head, stuffing his hand in the pockets of his suit pants, trying to make himself smaller. “I felt it every day for 16years- and I nearly lost it today… please tell me there’s a part of you that still loves me” The hope in his eyes was what burned in chest.

Weighing my choices, I finally got what I wanted- I got Charles… was it worth the sixteen year wait, the fifteen failed attempts- sixteen including this one depending how it ends…

And for the 100th time today, I took sixteen deep breaths. “How about some lunch Charlie?”

“Why did I wait this long for you?” Letting out a puff of air he moved in again- kissing me somewhat rougher than before. “God I love you so.”

“You’ll have to wait to hear it from me again.” With one quick kiss and a smile at him, he smiled back so warmly- taking my hand in his pulling me down the street to his car.

Opening the door for me we both looked at my dress and at the car. “This isn’t going to work…”

“Rip the dress-” laughing a little I started tugging at the bottom of the dress the fabric ripping so effortlessly. “I was hoping the ripping clothes off would wait until later-” with a cheeky smile he crouched down infront of me ripping the dress in places I wasn’t reaching.

“I’ll pretend to not hear that.” Blushy faced, I pulled at fabrics to make the dress not so puffy.

“Good thing you don’t need ears to be shown something.” His hand grazed my calf as he stood back up.

“Now- let me take you away Mrs.Leclerc.” Furrowing my brows at him tilting my head slightly. “I don’t plan on another attempt down the aisle any time soon-”

“Your fate was sealed with me 16 years ago.” Kissing my lips gently, I smiled more to myself sliding into his car.

“God the significance of sixteen.”

“The best number chèrie” (darling)shutting the door behind me, it was then I see Pascale and my parents at the top steps of the church smiling down on us, he was right fortunately our fate was sealed.

God I hate loving you Charles Leclerc.

Masterlist

#f1 imagine #formula one imagine #imagine #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader

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riiwrites · 7 months

Note

Do you have any tips or advice on writing,your way with words truly is amazing-♦️

thank you sm lovely anon, this is such a sweet compliment 🥹

i’m not good with tips or writing tbh, like one day I just started this blog and started writing and now I’m here I guess 😭 (funfact i acc ran an IT fanfiction blog back when I was like 11 this is not my proudest moment I shouldn’t have even been on this app)

i’m a big fan of english literature and always have been, im taking higher english next year for s5 and I’ve learned quite a bit tbh that I think can help!

1. my teacher always tells me to not repeat the same words over and over again. like for example :

“character watches s/o walk into the room with their bright smile and bright eyes”

instead, you could say :

“character watches s/o walk into the room with their beaming smile and bright eyes”

personally in my opinion repetition is good for both writing and poetry but using more adapted words can really elevate your writing. but that’s just my opinion on what it does for me and i try my best not to repeat the same words consistently. if you struggle to think of more advanced words you can use google because that’s quite literally what i do but you can also use a thesaurus, they’re quite helpful i used to use them in primary school for writing :)

2. another tip i can think of is using techniques of writing, this also goes for poetry too (as im currently having to study for my english exam on poetry). there’s a few techniques you can use in writing fanfiction such as

- metaphors (an implied comparison eg. “my mum has a heart of gold” - meaning my mum is a kind hearted woman. she is)

- similes (similar to a metaphor but it’s a direct comparison, typically used in the forms of “like a” or “as” eg. “she was as cold as ice” - meaning that her personality and demeanour is rather cold and stern.)

- personification (similar to a metaphor also but this connects human characteristics such as personalities or emotions to a non living thing eg. “the trees danced in the wind” - trees cant dance like a human can, but the way they bristle in the wind can make it seem like they’re dancing)

i know some of these people would’ve already heard about but i thought I’d add in the examples and explanations just to clarify it for people who are confused and want to learn about it

this isn’t a MUST you have to include in your writing or anything but these are just tips on ways you can elevate your writing and personification is specifically good for describing scenery so the reader can feel more engaged within the story :). these are only a few of the techniques i use so if you wish to hear about more please do feel free to shoot me an ask.

3. one last tip that comes from me in my experience of writing is actually educating yourself by reading some writings you’re interested in. one thing I’ve learned about writing is that you can gain experience by becoming influenced by other people’s writings on any part of the internet. not like plagiarism of course but i mean you can become inspired by the way they write and adapt your own writing style.

i’ve learned so much from my beautiful and amazing moots and they’re all just so talented, im forever grateful and proud for each and one of them :)

but i hope this helps ♦️ anon, and YOU are my first official emoji anon HEHEHE SO THANK YOU!! and i will be adding more to this tip list if i think of anything.

and please remember, anyone can be a writer. it doesn’t matter wherever you’re a natural or if you’re “inexperienced”. we all engage and write in different styles and ways and that’s what making writing such a beautiful thing to contribute in. so don’t give up and if you need anything at all don’t be afraid to message me, i hope you’ve given this a read and again, i hope it helps. <3

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd x reader #bsd headcanons #fluff #bsd x you #writing #riiwrites #writing tips #fanfic #fan fiction writing #tips

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formulaa-1 · 2 years

Note

something with figure skater!reader x Max Verstappen and him supporting her competing.

instagram au⛸️ M.V

I loved writing this one cos I’m a figure skater !

figure skater!reader x max verstappen

warnings: google translate Dutch🇳🇱

y/nusername

y/nusername: preparing for the 2023 comps⛸️

Liked by maxverstappen1 and 347,293 others

view all 349 comments

lilyonice: I love this costume y/n!

maxverstappen1: 🥇🥇🥇

y/nusername: ik hou van jou 🫶🏼

landonorris: mum and dad

y/nusername: go away Landon.

landonorris: 😮😕😞😖😭😭😭

mv33fan: max supporting y/n >>>

maxverstappen1’s story

y/nusername

y/nusername: ladies get yourself a man who will tie your skates for you❤️

tagged: maxverstappen1

Liked by sophiekumpen, victoriaverstappen and 234,383 others

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sophiekumpen: raised him right ❤️

y/nusername: you sure did ❤️

user28: CRYING AT THESE COMMENTS

maxverstappen1: what can I say, im a man of many talents

landonorris: you count tying ice skates as a talent ?

y/nusername: he got humbled real quick

maxverstappen1: I can’t believe this

fan38: LANDO IS EVERYWHERE MAN 😭

y/nlover33: this couple is just *chefs kiss*

user222: SCREAMING😍😫😫

f1waggupdatess

f1waggupdatess: 1st photo was taken by a fan and the other three were from y/n and max’s instagrams.

Liked by 33_maxverstappennn and 13,272 others

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y/nnobsessed; stop 🥹 the first photo is so cute 🥹

fanof33: ikr ??😖 it’s the way max got on the ice with normal shoes on to put her skates on 😫 boyfriend materiallllll

user022: omg yes !!!!!!!!!

mverstappen_: I’m so happy she’ll be attending more races this year ! and I’m pretty sure max is attending more of her comps this year to🥹❤️

username228: romeooooo and julietttttt

authors note- this is short and sweet just like me ;) hope you enjoy <3

#f1 instagram au #formula 1 #instagram au #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #fiction #charles leclerc #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x y/n #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen #mv33 #red bull racing #f1 fandom #red bull formula 1

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amberjazmyn · 2 months

Text

"whenever you're ready bug"💔

pairing : max verstappen x fem!younger sister verstappen reader & f1 grid x platonic!fem younger sister verstappen reader

summary : max's younger sister always seemed to draw the short straw in her short life. first, she was born way earlier than she was meant to be, had what seemed like hundreds of surgeries and hospital stays and was then diagnosed with terminal cancer that shortened her life which was always uncertain from the beginning.

warnings : sadness, older brother x max, sibling loss, terminal illness, crying, just genuinely upsetting, surrender by natalie taylor if that even counts as a warning and dodgy dutch google translations + maybe a couple mentions of j*s verstappen but no more!

a/n : i know, i'm such an ass for giving all the depressing one-shots to max but, i can't help it! this is what happens when i love a particular person so much, i write depressing fics about them. i've gone back at forth a different few times with whether or not i should have this as child loss or sibling loss or child loss but i'm back at sibling loss. lyrics in bold italics, flashbacks in italics, present in normal font and it'll be written in lowercase like always .

being diagnosed with cancer or really any illness at any age was a nightmare and indeed the worst thing that could happen to a family. however, for nine-year-old willow verstappen, younger sister of max and victoria verstappen, it was even more nightmarish. especially since everything about her illness and cancer diagnosis was posted on nearly every single social media site and magazine because of how high profile her older brother max was due to him being a formula one driver and how famous that then made her and her sister victoria by proxy. in saying that though, it didn't really bother the young nine-year-old too much because at the end of the day, she was able to share her experiences with her specific cancer and give those young people who were also dealing with the same thing that they had someone else their age who understood what they were going through and that ultimately, they weren't alone in their fight with cancer.

however, there did come a stage where willow could feel herself start to give up and, it seemed as though everyone in her family and extended f1 grid family could also see it happening, which terrified them.

we let the waters rise, we drifted to survive.

by the minute, willow was getting weaker and the cancer was getting so much stronger to the point where she felt like she was merely drifting, treading through the water to survive the day let alone the next one. not only was this having a weighing effect on willow, but it was also having the same effect on her parents, jos and sophie, her older brother max and older sister victoria as well as the extended formula 1 grid family who she called her "bonus family". going through this with willow was starting to weigh everyone down. not because the girl was a burden, but because they knew she was getting weaker as the days went by and were getting ready to let go.

one year ago

it felt like all the walls in the doctor's office were closing in on sophie and her eldest child, max. they never imagined they'd be getting this news after another regular hospital trip for their youngest daughter and sister, eight-year-old willow verstappen. jos not at the hospital for his daughter because he now had a whole different family to take care of.

"...meneer verstappen? max, heb je gehoord wat ik je net vertelde?" willow's doctor, dr phelps questioned, max blinked a couple of times before responding mr verstappen? max, did you hear what i just told you?

"nee, sorry, wat zei je? kunt u dat alstublieft herhalen?" max still sounded like he was so far away from dr phelps' office but did his best to not tune out this time since it seemed as though it was quite important what he was telling him and his mum no, sorry, what did you say? could you please repeat that?

"ik zei dat willow, met de recente diagnose van terminale kanker, nog steeds chemotherapie kan proberen en misschien een beetje radiotherapie, maar we zijn er niet zeker van dat het zal werken op de manier waarop het gewoonlijk zou werken als we het eerder hadden gezien..." i was saying that, with willow's recent diagnosis of terminal cancer, she can still try chemotherapy and maybe a little bit of radiotherapy but we are not certain that it'll work in the way it usually would if we had seen it earlier

ahh, yes, that's what the conversation was about, his baby sister had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. and they were talking about roads of treatment and how successful they could potentially be for a tiny little eight-year-old. max could feel a sob building in his throat and it seemed like his mum, sophie, could feel it too, holding her son's hand tightly, she just wished they were anywhere but in dr phelps' office right now.

"...ah, uhm, dus theoretisch gesproken, als mijn zus...willow een of meerdere chemotherapieën en misschien radiotherapie zou ondergaan, hoe lang zou je dan realistisch gezien zeggen dat we haar bij ons zouden hebben?" max gulped as he fiddled with the scrunched up tissue in his palm given to him by his mum as he squeezed sophie's hand with the other one ah, umm, so, theoretically speaking, if my sister...willow, was to undergo a round or couple of chemotherapy and maybe radiotherapy, how long would you say we'd have her with us, realistically?

"nu, max, ik zou het je echt niet kunnen vertellen, omdat dit zo nieuw is en zo laat in het ontdekken van de kanker, dat we echt geen idee hebben hoe lang het haar leven mogelijk zou kunnen verlengen. maar zodra de chemo- en radiotherapie beginnen, kunnen we dat soort dingen gaan inschatten..." dr phelps responded as max felt his heart shatter now, max, i really couldn't tell you because this is so new and so late in finding the cancer, we truly have no idea how long it could potentially prolong her life. but, once the chemo and radiotherapy do start, then we can start estimating things like that

sophie feeling like she was holding it all together, his face almost crumbling as he then turned away from the doctor. then he caught a glimpse of his precious baby sister sitting ever so peacefully in the waiting room with her brother's teammates, daniel and charles. the both of them lovingly putting their hands up to take care of her whilst the other drivers were keeping kelly and penelope occupied, once again, jos and the step-siblings nowhere to be found.

"...ze verdient dit niet..." max croaked out, bringing his tissue up to cover his face as sophie comforted her son whilst dr phelps sighed solemnly she doesn't deserve this

"...nee, dat doet ze niet maximaal, niemand van haar leeftijd doet dat. ze is zo jong, maar helaas gebeuren deze dingen en het is absoluut wreed. maar ik beloof dat we er alles aan zullen doen om ervoor te zorgen dat je kleine zusje en dochter de beste kans krijgen om te overleven en haar kanker te verslaan, aangezien ze zo sterk was tijdens al haar andere operaties en kwalen," dr phelps was confident in the idea that once again, little willow was going to survive another diagnosis no, she doesn't max, no one her ages does. she's so young but, unfortunately, these things happen and it's absolutely cruel. but i promise, we'll do everything we can to make sure your little sister and daughter gets the best chance of surviving and beating her cancer since she was so strong during all of her other surgeries and ailments

but, heartbreakingly, max and sophie thought otherwise and it seemed as though, in willow's eyes, she too thought the same thing as her mum and older brother.

willow's pov

i lay in my hospital bed, a smile on my face as i saw my mum, max and victoria open the door and let in my three of my bonus siblings from max's f1 grid. leaving me alone to spend time with them whilst they went to get lunch. usually, it would only be two, maybe one, allowed in my room. but, by an exception rule, i was allowed to have more than just one or two in my room at once.

"hey will," daniel smiled, closing the door behind him since he was the last one to file into the room

"hey, danny!" i smiled as i then gave him a hug since i had already given charles and carlos a hug beforehand

my smile then quickly disappeared as i caught a glimpse of max looking like he was crying. but, he was trying to be discrete about it as i looked out of the window behind daniel's shoulder. even though he was supposed to be getting lunch with mum, victoria, kelly and penelope. it seemed like daniel, charles and carlos all noticed it even though i also tried to be discrete about it.

"why are you suddenly so upset, will? you were just smiling a second ago, what's up chickadee?" charles spoke up as he got himself comfortable on my bed, immediately grabbing my hand to hold - not for my comfort but for his even though it did make me feel ten times better

"maxie's crying, char but he's trying to hide it even though he's supposed to be getting lunch with mum, kelly and penelope. why won't he cry in front of me or when he thinks i can't see it? i just wish he'd be more vulnerable with me because i always tell him when i'm sad or when i'm scared... so why can't he?" i sighed as all three, daniel, charles and carlos gave me empathetic smiles as daniel takes a big breath in, charles and carlos letting daniel explain

"well, mon chéri, it's slightly complicated because, whilst your big brother hasn't always been the most showing of his emotions, it's different when it comes to you and penelope. he doesn't tend to cry in front of you two because he knows that, one, penelope won't completely understand why mummy's boyfriend is upset but knows something is wrong and two, he knows that if you see him cry that it'll either worry you or question him on why he's crying. he just doesn't want you to worry about why he's crying because sometimes, he's just emotional because of how much he really loves you, penelope and kelly..." daniel trailed off as he caressed my hand comfortingly as i nodded my head, feeling somewhat better

"...he also wishes that if he could, he would switch places with you. have him be in this bed and sick but, all of us in f1 always tell him that that would have been even worse. we all wish that you didn't have to deal with this. because you always seemed to be given the short straws in life. but, we are all so glad that we still get to have you with us at this very moment, right now. because right now is what's important, okay? not tomorrow, not yesterday, not next week or the next week. today, right now, okay, you understand?" daniel explained as i smiled softly and nodded my head as i then smiled at charles and carlos to reassure them

a knock at my door then got everyone's attention. my day nurse walked into my room, letting me know that i was being given another dose of treatment. even though i knew it wasn't really doing anything to help me as it used to when i first started it a year ago.

i needed you to stay, but i let you drift away

when eight-year-old willow was first diagnosed, although she needed everyone to stay, she began to drift away. away from her mum, her brother and sister, her niece and nephews and even her bonus siblings. although she didn't want to, she was doing it because she didn't want her family to see her like they were going to. so, before it was to start happening, she made sure to have everyone stay away from her. except, even though she thought it worked, it really didn't work, even though willow resisted at times.

willow's pov

having to hide my treatment from my family, specifically my older sister victoria's kids and penelope for the first couple of months was probably the hardest thing ever. anytime they tried to come into my room to spend time with me, i'd push then away and tell them that i was tired or that i was feeling sick and couldn't spend time with them. which, in all fairness to me, wasn't always a lie since i do have cancer and that makes you feel ill. but, when i did start my chemo treatments, i was beginning to feel a lot better that i could realistically deal with hanging out and chatting with penelope and my niece and nephews rather than entirely and selfishly shutting them out. however, there just came to a point where i couldn't hide the treatments any longer and, one day when it was me giving myself does of chemo, penelope and my sister blue jaye had run into my room. thankfully without my niece and nephews but i digress. before penelope screamed, causing a whole frenzy and literal cavalier of max and kelly, mum and nurses to rush into my room as though something was wrong with me. but, to be fair, i couldn't blame nor be mad at penelope since i don't think any of the kids or my siblings were told that some days, i would be giving myself solo dosages if my regular day nurses weren't available to do it for me. and since it was the first time they had seen me do it, let alone at all and had no idea i was even getting treatment, i understood penelope and blue's fear because i myself wanted to scream when i was told that i'd have to learn to do my own dosages as well.

"...p! willow! is everything okay? why did you scream, penelope?!" kelly suddenly barges in, the rest of the cavalier behind her

only to see that i was calmly doing my chemo dosages calming her down. only for her to turn around and see penelope, holding blue jaye to her chest, hugging each other. the both of them cramped near one of my chest of drawers in the far corner of my hospital room in distress

the moment kelly, max, daniel, carlos and mum saw that, it seemed like their hearts all individually broke. then, immediately, penelope saw max and bolted over to him after giving blue a sweet kiss on her head of hair and handing her over. before she then ran over to her kelly as well. watching it all go down made me feel like i was in trouble since i should have realised that penelope and blue jaye were going to come in and that i should have waited until after they had left to do my chemo doses, not whilst they were walking in.

carlos seemed to notice this and immediately took action whilst mum and max calmed down a sobbing blue jay and whilst kelly and daniel calmed down a sobbing penelope, "oh bebe. willow, ven aquí cariño!" carlos whispered in spanish as he held me as tightly as he could whilst not messing up my ivs and drips that i had attached to me whilst receiving chemo oh, baby. willow, come here sweetheart!

"is...is this all my fault carlos? why p and blue jaye are crying?" i whispered, too scared to speak any louder just in case i would get in trouble as carlos' face nearly collapsed as he shook his head, his eyes sincere

"absolutely not querida darling! it is not your fault at all! whilst you knew that your sister and penelope were coming in to visit you, you didn't know when which was for sure not your fault at all! and it wasn't their fault either. not like blue would understand but they weren't even told that you were taking treatments or that some days you'd be doing it yourself. so don't put that blame on yourself, you don't need that extra baggage, querida. you are not in trouble at all," carlos insisted as i nodded my head, wholeheartedly believing him as he hugged me again as i smiled softly

however, penelope and blue jaye had been comforted enough to where they were able to hang out with me and talk, well, me and penelope did. blue jay just sat in my lap and was being cute. that was until they were quickly ushered out, along with carlos, daniel and kelly when my nurses, mum and max looked devastated. as if they had some sad news they needed to tell me that was going to most definitely be sad. but, to me, the news seemed obvious so it confused me why mum and max looked so upset.

my nurse then started to explain the news in more detail to mum and max. but, because i had already overheard this news and already kind of seen it coming, i tuned out. only tuning back in when max broke down in tears abruptly, apologising to the nurse, mum and me before walking out of the hospital room.

"...i...i am so sorry..." max sobbed out as he then abruptly left, running down the hallway of the hospital floor as i tuned back in

and i was confused as i saw the way the family outside reacted. daniel giving penelope to kelly as he started to run after max.

"...willow, lieverd, heb je iets gehoord wat de verpleegster net zei?" mum then spoke up in dutch as i slowly shook my head no as she took a breath in before smiling, slightly brushing my hair willow, sweetpea, did you hear anything that the nurse just said?

"n...nee, waarom? heb ik iets verkeerd gedaan, mama? waar...waar gaat maxie heen? ik...ik heb hem nodig, mama..." i trailed off as fear engulfed me as mum hugged me before letting go and explaining to me what my nurse had said before max ran off n...no, why? did i do something wrong, mum? where...where's maxie going? i...i need him, mummy

"...oh, engel, nee, je hebt niets verkeerd gedaan...je verpleegster legde ons alleen uit dat de chemo niet meer werkt, dat weet je toch?" mum trembled, her hands resting on my shoulders oh, angel, no, you haven't done anything wrong...it's just, your nurse was explaining to us that the chemo isn't working anymore, you know that right?

i was worried for less than a second before realising that it had been mentioned to me before. even though i did have a sense it stopped working properly as i nodded my head.

"ja... ja, natuurlijk, dat weet ik, het werd mij al eerder verteld," i smiled, obviously not understanding properly as mum gasped out a small cry, stopping herself from fully crying as i looked at her in confusion yeah...yeah, of course, i know that, it was mentioned to me before

"do you understand what that means, willow?" mum looked at me with a sad questioning look, no longer bothered to speak dutch, it took me some time to process it but i slowly nodded my head

"yeah...yeah, it means that it's no longer effectively treating my cancer..." wait, the chemo is no longer effectively treating my cancer... does that mean i'm going to die before i turn ten?

"...wait, umm, nurse, could you...could you please go and find my brother? don't worry about me, i have mum with me, she knows what to do, thanks..." i was trying to comprehend all of this news and it was difficult

yet this hospital and these four walls have been basically my whole life. and especially considering this chemo hasn't been effectively working for ages and only now i've fully realised it?

"...of course willow. as soon as i find your brother, i'll invite him in," the nurse smiled and left with nothing more as i smiled back at her as i watched her leave

"thanks..." i breathed out as she left to find max as it was now just mum and me as she then spoke up

"babe, why'd you send the nurse out to find max?" that was all it took for me to collapse in her arms as i started to panic

"oh, babe, what's wrong?" she reacted, rubbing my back as she hugged me as tightly as she physically could as i slowly started to feel better

"i...i'm scared mummy, i...i don't want to die," i panicked as mum hugged me again and rubbed my back before pulling away, her hands on my shoulders

"darling, you are not going to die. you are going to be absolutely fine. we've only been told the results of the chemo treatments, we also have you in radiotherapy and still haven't been given the results about how that's going. so, who knows, maybe whilst the chemo isn't working, the radiotherapy might be and that's why it could be affecting the chemo results? don't always look on the negative side sweetheart," mum smiled softly, rubbing my shoulders as i nodded my head because she did have a point - we still hadn't been given my radiotherapy results yet

however, in the split second of being comforted by my mum and feeling wide awake, i suddenly felt limp and grew tired. falling forwards into mum's grip, and in a state of pure quick thinking and keeping calm and collected, she hit the emergency button. this then immediately paged one of my nurses to my room.

"mummy...i...i'm tired...i'm...i'm so tired..." i mumbled out sleepily as i felt mum's breathing quicken as she held me after her hand released the emergency button as i weakly smiled

"--nurses to room 452, cancer patient, nurses to room 452, cancer patient..." was heard over the loudspeakers through the hospital floor which i could tell would freak out the rest of my family since they all were aware of my room number

suddenly, doctors and nurses swarmed my room, immediately removing my mum's grip from me as they laid me back down properly on my bed. the last thing i remembered hearing was the nurse screaming, "everyone get out now!"

my love, where are you? my love, where are you?

thankfully, the real reason why willow was tired wasn't that she was about to die. it was just simply because of the chemo dosage. she had accidentally given herself a little too much than she was supposed to. and it was suspected that it happened when the penelope and blue jaye panic situation happened. which, at first worried everyone but, it was quickly levelled properly and willow was fine again. she was now in a deep sleep and in a place of everything being at the levels they were supposed to be. however, willow could tell that her brother was resting next to his sister and silently crying whilst daniel tried to calm him down as kelly and mum took care of the kids.

willow's pov

thankfully, after the scare i had with my chemo dosage, i woke up around four-ish hours later. but, i was keeping my eyes closed, simply resting them whilst max cried into my hand that i had laid at my side as he caressed it. daniel sat next to him and comforted him. even though i was resting my eyes and somewhat awake, i could hear him whisper.

"come on schatje honey, where's all your energy gone? you've never been this tired before, what happened?" he whispered into my hand as i heard him cry as i could feel daniel try to comfort him

"it's not gone completely max. she's just storing it all before using it when she's got all of it. she's still your sister," daniel whispered to my brother as i smiled, he was right, i hadn't gone anywhere

"where is my little girl, will? open your eyes schatje, it's been four hours! what's better up there as your reason to not open your eyes? come on darling, i wanna see your blue eyes!" max started to sob and it broke my heart

everyone knew that max, my brother, wasn't one to be that emotional of a person. it was always obvious as to why but, i won't comment on it. but, now i understood why he always ran away from me when he would start to cry or even get the smallest bit emotional as my eyes started to flutter open. daniel nudging max to look up from my hands.

"maxie..." i mumbled as i slowly sat myself up, daniel nudging max to look up, when he did he smiled small

"willow...are you okay? is something hurting? are you hungry? do you..."

"...maxie, i'm fine, calm down, please. i'm just tired but, nothing that a splash of water to the face and some food can't fix. i promise i am okay and, to answer your question, even if it was rhetorical, my energy hasn't completely disappeared. it's just halfway full and i'm wanting it to be all the way full before i start using it. and your little sister hasn't gone anywhere, i'm still here max," i smiled as i combed my fingers through his hair as he smiled, it slowly started to reach his eyes as tears welled in his eyes

"i'm never leaving maxie..."

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

willow was slowly starting to deteriorate and it was painful. not in a physical sense but in a mental sense. okay, maybe it physically hurt a little bit but, the girl never said anything because she didn't want to hear her doctors and nurses talking anymore. and she didn't want them giving her more harmful drugs in her system. however, willow's hospice carer and main oncologist, dr phelps realised what was going on. and then told willow's current guests, penelope and kelly to leave so dr phelps could talk to willow in private.

willow's pov

dr phelps knew something was up, he knew i was in pain. physically and mentally. however, this was the first time in a while that he was questioning me about it.

closing the door on max's girlfriend and her daughter, kelly and penelope, he sat down and gave me a raised eyebrow, "okay, come on small one. tell me what's up? there's something going on that you're not telling the rest of your family. so, tell me, what's going on?" dr phelps tilted his head to look at me, i had never felt this weak or small in my entire life as i huffed

"nothing dr phelps, i'm fine," i lied, again

yeah, this was something i had been doing this past month. along with the forcing everyone to speak english since any other language just messed with my head. especially considering i basically only had this month left before i drop dead anyway. so, might as well lie, right? which, when you remember the fact i'm nine years old and i'm saying this, is quite sad

"no, you're not willow. i've been by your side for the entire year and a half that you've gone through this. this is the exact opposite of how you acted so, what's wrong? you know if you don't or can't tell your mum, brother, kelly, the rest of the f1 grid, you can and have to tell me. so, spill, what is going through that little undeveloped head of yours?" although i really didn't want to laugh, dr phelps did always find a way in how he did his consults to make it lighthearted and comedic in the right places as i smiled

"seriously? do i have to?" i joked with a small giggle, acting like the teenager i'd never get to be as dr phelps nodded his head with a half smile

"uh-huh, come on small one. cough it up, what's wrong?" dr phelps smiled as i huffed, explaining everything to him, having no clue that my max and charles had walked past, hearing it all

"i'm tired dr phelps. like, in a way i've never been before and i...i'm so sore. the amount of pain i'm in is so painful it feels like i'm in pain every day. why...why can't it just stop doctor?" i was wanting to cry but, i couldn't because of how unbearable the pain was getting

"i know small one, i know how tired you are. but, are you able to hold on a little bit longer? just a little? i mean, it's almost your maxie's birthday. and, i know for a fact, even though i shouldn't say this, that one of your brother's birthday wishes is for you to be there with the family and sing him happy birthday. you think you could hold on a little longer for that?" dr phelps stroked my cheeks as i shrugged my shoulders - i've gotten so tired that i'm just not so sure how much longer i can continue this fight, even though getting to maxie's next birthday would be amazing

"i...i want to but, i...i don't know anymore dr phelps," i mumbled when i heard a sob muffled by either a hand or someone's shoulder

looking past dr phelps, the door opened, and i noticed max and charles - max crying into charles' shoulder as he tried to once again comfort max.

"i...i'm sorry maxie but, i-i'm just so tired..." my eyes started to close as dr phelps let them know that i was sleeping, i was fine and my heart machine and the others alike were still working normally, i was just sleeping

"...it's alright guys, willow is okay. she's just sleeping, she's not dead," dr phelps smiled as they all nodded their heads, breathing a sigh of relief

"thanks, dr phelps. i think we're okay to watch her now. go and eat something, i'm sure you're starving, thank you again," max whispered as dr phelps nodded his head and left shortly after as i felt max grab my hand

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

willow was on the last stretch of her life before her cancer would take over her life and slowly kill her. she had been spending the last month on hospice treatment at her home in the netherlands with her family, the extended f1 grid family and dr phelps. the thing that hurt everyone the most other than the obvious was how much younger she looked. even though she was still just a kid at nine-years-old. she was weak, skinny and basically unrecognisable. to the point where penelope, blue jaye and the rest of the step-siblings and niece and nephews sometimes couldn't recognise willow. she had just helped her family celebrate her brother's birthday just three weeks shy of coming back home for hospice care. she managed to get healthy enough to sit on her brother's lap at a restaurant and sing happy birthday to him with the rest of the family. however, straight after, willow's health quickly declined and had her bedridden ever since.

willow's pov

i was so tired and weak and i always felt so sick that all i wanted to do was just sleep. however, i knew if i did close my eyes, there was a chance i wouldn't open them again. and that would, no pun intended, kill my entire family but especially my brother. so, for the sake of my brother and the rest of my family, i tried. i tried so hard to keep my eyes open until i physically couldn't any longer.

"hey chickadee, you alright?" daniel yawned as he slowly woke up, charles already awake, nudging max and lando as they opened their eyes as well

for context, these four crazies had been with me all night. whilst mum, kelly and the other f1 drivers volunteered to watch the other children whilst dr phelps could actually sleep through the night properly. because, normally, it's dr phelps that stays with me overnight in my bedroom, not my family.

"mm, i've been better danny but, you know, it's life," i smirked weakley as he gave me a sad smile

max hadn't let go of my hand, i started to stroke my finger against his hand as i gave him a small smile, "maxie, will i be forgotten about?" i mumble as max gasps out, tears slowly landing on my hand

"oh, honey, no, never. you'll always be with me, mum, kelly, penelope and blue jaye. blue and the rest of the siblings and penelope will be told everything about their older sister," he sniffled softly as i nodded my head, barely even able to acknowledge daniel, lando and charles who watched on in devastation

"maxie? i'm...i'm tired. can i go to sleep? when can i go home?" i was so weak and tired, i had never felt so little and like an infant until now

max sniffled again, knowing the "home" i meant wasn't our physical home which my bedroom was in right now. daniel and charles tried to comfort him whilst lando comforted me.

"whenever you're ready, schatje," he cried into my hand as i breathed out softly, a small smile on face

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender?"

it was now coming up to willow's last few days alive. and she was getting even more weaker if that was possible, as the days went on. she was slowly starting to surrender to her cancer and was wanting her brother and the family to do the same thing as well. they didn't deserve this. to have to constantly take care of her every single day when her brother and bonus family were meant to be coming into their next season of formula one. but, it seemed as though since the new beginnings and the cancer diagnosis and everything else with the new formula one season, they were for now extending the break a little longer for max until further notice. sacrificing it all to let him take care of her in her last months alive. willow saw it as something max didn't need, an extra "thing" he didn't need stressing over but he didn't. max saw it as being a hero and just doing what was right. being together as a family a little bit longer before he was away for majority of the year so he could take care of his dying sister.

willow's pov

today was a quiet day, no one really said anything. as though everyone knew that i was coming to the last stretch of my life. so, max, daniel, charles and lando all sat around my bed. whilst mum, kelly, heidi, alex and penelope/my siblings sat around my room. they were all so upset and it was the first time i had everyone in my room all at the same time since leaving the hospital and coming home. but, it was the first time i had really seen max so upset. sure, i had seen and heard him cry plenty of times but, not like this. and it sucked. i hated seeing anyone upset but none more so than my family, especially my brother. because it made me feel helpless, i mean, more than i already was. i literally couldn't move or do anything to make him feel better. hell, the only thing he wanted was for me to get better but, that was the one thing i definitely couldn't and have failed to do. slowly, the family started to trail out of my room leaving lando with me. they all took advantage of the new starbucks and convenience store that had been built right on the corner of the street we live on. the rest of the family decided to walk over to for some lunch whilst lando stayed back with me as that was the rule. i always needed at least one person to stay with me at all times, day and night.

"wanna know a secret, bug?" lando whispered as i looked up at him, mustering all the strength i had to hold his hand

"what is it lando?" i spoke softly, caressing his hand as he smiled

"i'm scared," what he said was so simple but it was heartbreaking as i nodded my head, believing him

"yeah? do you wanna know my secret?" i whispered as i held his hand slightly tighter as he combed his fingers through my hair as he nodded

"yeah, what is it?" he responded with a smile as i smiled back

"i'm scared too," i gulped as lando nodded his head

but he didn't bring it back up straight away which confused me. until he finally did lift his head back up when a exposed tear that i don't think he meant to release streamed down his cheek.

"oh, lando, don't cry," i whispered, slowly bringing my finger up to wipe it away which makes him laugh softly

"i'm scared, bug, of course, i'm going to cry," he whispered back as i smiled again, my finger that wiped his tear slowly coming back down to rest at my side

"you'll be fine, i promise lando ," i smiled as i fiddled weakly with my blanket as lando hummed

"how do you know, will? you won't be here for it?" he whimpered as i pressed my lips together before bringing my finger up again to wipe another one one of his tears

"i'll always be here lando, you just won't see me," i smiled as he sniffled, trying to look away as i struggled in grabbing his chin to look at me

"i...i'll miss you little bug," lando whimpered as more tears fell down his cheeks, chuckling, not because i was insensitive, thanks dad, not really, but because i was thinking the same thing

"i'll miss you too lando but, it's okay. i'll be the ghost that haunts you in your dreams every night *tearful giggles*. which sounds awful so, maybe not in your dreams but on the track. but, i'll be keeping you - all of you guys - safe. i'll give you signs every single day. if you ever need anything, just call my name, and i'll be there," i whispered to him as he nodded his head

he let his head fall into my arm as i cooed, my hand curving around the back of his head. i. then smoothed his hair to calm him down.

can we, can we surrender? i surrender

just like the day earlier, before willow and her family, said anything, it was figured out that she'd be spending some alone time with charles. in the same way she did with lando yesterday. with charles crying and willow trying to comfort him, soothing him, the nine-year-old suddenly felt at peace. almost as if her surrender was coming to its end. just like yesterday, charles had taken advantage of everyone else going around the corner for lunch. so, this time it was charles that stayed with willow.

willow's pov

"...willow...willow..." whispering to wake me up, my eyes fluttered open and i woke up, charles was sitting next to me

a small smile that barely reached his eyes on his face as he relaxed knowing i was still alive.

"...what's wrong charlie? are you okay?" i mumbled with worry, charles scoffed and shook his head

his lip then trembled as if he was about to cry - oh no, please charlie, don't cry. i feel like all i've seen lately is you guys cry or be sad. this wasn't the first time i had seen charlie cry but it was the first time i'd seen him cry like this. and i just want us to get through a day without someone crying.

"i don't care if i'm okay, are you okay willow?" he responded as i was taken aback - i had never really been asked that question in a while and, i wasn't so sure how to give a truthful answer

"umm...yeah i'm fi--" just as i was about to lie, charles caught me and prevented me even though i think he knew

he knew just like i did, that i wasn't lying on purpose. but because i just didn't know how to truthfully answer the question as he swallowed back a sob.

"--no you're not willow, please baby. don't lie to me, please tell me the truth sweetheart," he choked out as i looked up at him as my lip trembled

"i...i don't know charlie. i'm just...tired...so tired and i..." he cut me off, sobs softly wracking his body as his head fell onto my arm

"...please don't say it willow, please don't say it..." he sobbed as i took in a deep breath, as deep as i could and i whispered it

"...i'm done...i surrender...i'm ready..." i whispered as i fell asleep, my heart machine beating steadily, charles quietly sobbing as he brushed my hair back with one hand whilst the other one wiped away his tears

no one will win this time, i just want you back, i'm running to your side

it continued to come to willow's final days on earth and having one-on-one time with her family. and today, it was with daniel. also the girl when waking up after charles had fallen asleep, started to write some letters for her family. she just hoped they were intelligible enough to be understood.

willow's pov

as i woke up from my short little nap, taking a quick look at my vitals, to make sure i didn't need to scream for dr phelps, i smiled. i saw daniel. with a small smile, with his arms crossed and his feet weirdly crossed as he rested his weight on the side post of my door frame.

"hey goober, am i allowed to enter your counselling room?" daniel joked as i smiled and laughed slightly

this entire time, daniel had been trying to make me laugh and, he finally did it. and, in all honesty, the both of us couldn't have been happier.

"a nine-year-old is qualified enough to be a therapist? nice joke danny *giggles*. but, yes, you may enter, no one is stopping you from entering. as, this appointment is all yours, mr ricciardo. speaking of, what's up daniel, how are you dealing with this?" and yes, it went from zero to a hundred in seriousness quickly

but, it was because it is a serious topic as we both mirrored each other. crossed over arms and small smiles on our faces.

"i mean, i've been better but, i'm alright. but, most importantly, how are you willow? you haven't really cried once, why haven't you cried? you're meant to cry willow," daniel explained, his voice getting shaky quickly as i took in a deep breath and shrugged my shoulders

"i dunno," i shrugged, honestly, i had no idea why i hadn't cried yet

it was maybe because i didn't want to seem weaker than i already am. once again, thanks jos verstappen for that train of thought.

"you've got to know willow, please. before this whole thing became this, you were always crying. almost every day and now it's the other way around, why?" daniel pleaded as, once again, i just shrugged my shoulders

"i don't know daniel, that's my honest response," i shrugged as daniel just bit his lip to stop his sobs from getting too loud - this was the first time i'd actually seen daniel cry and it was really jarring

"just know that you are allowed to cry babe, no one is stopping you. hell, if you need to scream, just scream and we'll all be there to make it go away," daniel softly smiled as he gave me a kiss on the head as he then started to leave shortly after

but, before he could fully leave, i stopped him.

"...daniel, wait..." i called out, daniel stopping and turning around, smiling small

"...what's up bug, you okay?" he asked as he walked back over as i nodded my head but handed him something

"yeah, i'm okay. i just, i wanted to give you these since dr phelps can't take them. before you ask, i wrote everyone a letter as well as added a photo so you really don't forget me. and for the kids and my little verstappens, they have a separate letter even though i know they won't understand it until they're a lot older. and promise me you won't let them read the letters until after i die..." i muttered as i handed daniel the letters, i could tell he was struggling to accept the letters but did so anyway

"of course, i will. i'll make sure we won't forget you. i promise baby girl. thank you, willow," he whispered, kissing my cheek as i smiled as he walked out of my room for the shift change with dr phelps

flying my white flag, my white flag. my love, where are you, my love, where are you?

the countdown on willow's life was really quickly coming to an end and she wanted to make sure she got all the love, hugs and kisses and tears until her last breath. since the verstappen had said her final goodbye to blue jaye, penelope and her nieces and nephews, all of them not old enough to understand properly, cousins, uncles, aunties and parents, she had forced her brother and bonus f1 brothers to slowly get back into the f1 season (mostly max as he was the one that had taken the longest to return back). and this was so they were still working to some degree. and, on one of the days off, dr phelps let willow be alone with her brother and bonus brothers, not wanting to ruin it with them. and, it was comforting for the girl. the only talk between the group was every single memory that they shared together. willow, her brother, charles, daniel and lando were all cuddled up on the bed together.

willow's pov

talking about all the memories i've shared with my brother and bonus f1 brothers is the best way i could possibly begin the end of my time on this earth. max, charles, daniel and lando were all cuddled up together on my bed. thankful that it was quite large so, it was nice being so close to each other because it was truly comforting.

"...oh oh oh! i just remembered another one!" daniel piped out as we all laughed at the tone of his voice - it went high-pitched for those who were wondering why it was funny

"i remember we were being interviewed during one of the press conferences. willow, you were watching from the sidelines but you were so calm and collected that no one knew you were there until the end when it was mentioned. and you threw your hands up in such excitement because it was the first time you were being shouted out whilst being at a interview with us. it was the cutest thing ever and i literally remember that like it was yesterday!" daniel explained as we all smiled as i grabbed my drink bottle to have a drink to disguise an oncoming cough, feeling fine afterwards

"wow, i totally forgot about that dan, does anyone have any others?" lando giggled out as max piped up for the first time in a while

"i have one..." max piped up as we all turned to look at my brother who now looked as though he spends his days crying - which, he basically does at this stage when he isn't head first in the races

"what is it max?" daniel smiled as max took in a deep breath, puling me closer to him as i giggled softly

"when you ran into the parc ferme for the first time. you were waiting behind the barricades with mum and victoria but got too excited that the moment you knew they weren't looking, you took that as your chance...and you ran straight over to me. it was just after you got your cancer diagnosis and before i halted everything formula one. you had been looking forward to that grand prix for so long that no one could even think to be mad at you, not even mum and victoria, when you ran over to congratulate me on my win to give me a hug," max cuddled into me as i smiled - yeah that was a memory of mine that i remembered and well too

"another one was when me, penelope and kelly surprised mum on her birthday by making her that photo album. even though me and kelly were the ones that made it considering penelope is still young. but it was really cute seeing her reaction and how excited she was to receive it," i giggled softly as max and the other three agreed

just as we were about to continue our trip down memory lane, a knock came on my door. dr phelps behind it as he gave an apologetic look that he had to cut our time together short but, we understood.

"...hey guys. i am so sorry to do this but, i am afraid it is time to hook willow back up to all of her other machines that isn't her life-support machine. but, whilst i'm doing this, if anyone does have any concerns, queries or anything, do feel free to ask. and, if she's able to, willow can help me answer them, right wills?" dr phelps winked as i smiled and nodded my head

"of course, so, any questions?" i smiled softly as max moved away from the bed, as did lando, daniel and charles so dr phelps could hook me up to the other machines again

reason being was for a certain amount everyday, i'd have some time off of those machines, except for my life-support machine. even though i should have been kept on all of these machines, it was only because i was coming to the end of my life that i was taking breaks from the other crucial machines i was hooked up to.

i then noticed that charles had a question and he spoke up, "willow..." he begun as i smiled

"...yeah charlie, you got a question?" smiling at my favourite monégasque, i could tell that charles was going to break his own heart and then everyone else's with his question but i knew he had to ask it anyway

"how long will it take for you to die when all the machines are turned off, not just these ones you're getting hooked back onto?" charles gave me a worried look as i smiled, knowing he was terrified of seeing it with his own eyes

"it depends, charlie. and if i'm right, it could take a couple of hours or an entire day, is that right dr phelps?" i responded, still asking dr phelps for help as he nods his head, letting me know i was correct

"yes, however, whilst we're talking about life support machines, willow can obviously die before we make the decision to turn her off life support if and when we come to that decision. because, sadly, we will have to come to that choice. like anyone on life support, whether it's due to cancer or because they're clinically brain dead or whatever, of course they can succumb to whatever caused them to be on life support to have them pass away before their day of their life support getting turned off happens. it just means the life-support machine will still beep because that's how we'll know that it's happened and we'll still have to turn it off. just, it wouldn't be the main reason why they've passed on, it'll just be that they've passed on before having to manually take her off of life-support." dr phelps expanded and i could tell that nearly took charles to his knees

he managed to compose himself however as he nodded his head and squeezed my hand as i squeezed it back.

"any other questions?" i smiled as daniel took in a deep breath, max staying frozen, obviously knowing the answers to these questions

which is why he didn't say anything, not that i think he wanted to say anything anyway which was fair.

"will it hurt? like, will you be able to feel any of it happening?" another thing that daniel and the rest of my family had been worried about when we were all told that i'd die soon - if it would hurt as i smiled

as dr phelps shook his head, i responded, "not at all daniel, it'll be like falling asleep or as though your blinking but you don't open your eyes to blink again," i smiled as i grabbed a tight squeeze of daniel's hand as he nodded his head

i then looked at lando, i knew he wanted to say something. a way to stall dr phelps from eventually turning off the machines.

so, he did, "how would you feel if we went back to formula one full-time for the next week? would you be okay?" lando said softly as my eyes lit up, nodding my head

"oh my gosh! i'd love for you guys to go back to racing for the new season for the next week! seriously! i can have mum and if you want, you can have the wags and penelope here as well!" i was so excited as i think that released a lot of stress off of not just max but my bonus brothers as well

"well, then, that just leaves us to dedicate this season of formula one to you! and i don't care what you say!" daniel buts in which makes us all giggle

"oh, thank you daniel! you know you didn't need to do that! i love you!" i laughed as daniel hugged me again as he kissed my face

"nope, we're doing it! no matter how many times you refuse it, these races and wins are dedicated to you. we also agreed with the rest of the grid in advance anyway that they'd be dedicated to you so, no take backs!" daniel smiled as i rolled my eyes and smiled

"okay fine, if you feel like you need to, here is my full permission!" i smiled as my brother and bonus brothers cheered, making me giggle

my love, where are you? my love, where are you?

the hectic schedule of formula one was starting to slow down as it was starting to once again reach the end of the season. the races having more than a week or two of breaks in between. meaning that after this weeks race, it was a three week break before returning for the next triple header of races. it was during that race before the three week break before the next triple header that willow stayed alive. when, suddenly, during heidi and kika's (the girlfriends of daniel and pierre) shift of looking after their favourite little verstappen, willow's life support machine started to beat unevenly. that was when dr phelps said that, willow's time had come and heidi and kika had to say goodbye. both girls, of course, freaked out. the drivers were all in mexico for the mexican grand prix, nowhere near monaco. whilst the guys were either in their cars doing the race or the podium ceremony, heidi rang max's team principal, christian horner. telling him that it had happened peacefully and that it would be better if the drivers all returned back to monaco as quickly as possible. just so max and the drivers could fly over to monaco and say their goodbyes to their sister and adopted sister.

willow's pov

since the last catch up, i managed to keep strong throughout the last few grand prixs for the season of formula one. and today was their last grand prix before a three week break before the next triple header. they were currently in mexico for the mexico grand prix. even though i promised them i'd be alive by the time they finished the mexico grand prix, being well enough to see their next triple header of races. but, i had a feeling that i wasn't going to be able to do that. but, i did not think i'd get to the mexican grand prix and that would be the day it'd happen. as i half slept peacefully, with heidi, daniel's girlfriend and kika, pierre's girlfriend, softly singing to me and cuddling me in bed, my life support machine started to go awol as did my body. straight away, without hesitation, heidi and kika both shot right up, running to get dr phelps. this is it, i'm going to die tonight. i'm scared, heck, what's a word that means the same thing as scared but means even more? i mean, i genuinely thought i'd make it at least, at least, through the rest of the season, not the mexican grand prix!

"...kika, heidi, i...i'm tired, when can i go? i'm so tired," i sobbed, for the first time. wishing the rest of the family were here, so they knew i wasn't in pain

"oh, angel, it's alright baby girl!" heidi soothed, running her fingers through my hair as i weakly smiled

"heidi...kika...when...when can i let...let go?" it was like i was five again when i first seriously injured myself - i felt so young and like i was penelope's or blue jaye's age again as i sobbed weakly

"whenever you're ready baby girl, whenever you're ready," kika this time whispered as i whimpered and then, after another verse of kika and heidi singing, it happened, my life support machine started going, my body going, getting ready to flatline

beep....beep...beep...beep...beep...beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

i could hear everything. i could hear heidi, kika and dr phelps running to the bed. i could hear heidi screaming at dr phelps to try and keep me alive just for a few hours longer so mum, max and my f1 grid family could see me alive once more. just one last time. however, dr phelps couldn't so, kika got heidi to ring christian, screaming and sobbing down the phone line. grabbing her phone to ring christian horner, red bull's team principal telling him i was gone. hearing heidi and kika cry and scream like that hurt, it felt like i was getting thrown into a wall or getting stabbed near my heart.

"...dr phelps! please! do something! just keep her alive for a few hours longer please!"heidi screamed, sobbing as i could just picture dr phelps and him shaking his head, telling both heidi and kika that he, unfortunately, couldn't and that, it was time to pull the plug

"heidi, kika, please, darlings, i can't. i'm not allowed to, there is nothing more for me to do for willow. she wasn't in any pain girls, you could see that, she is in complete peace. she was happy that you two were with her in her last moments when her family or the f1 grid couldn't be. she couldn't feel anything at all. she was at peace with it, please, i know it is hard but, it's time to let her go you two," dr phelps said softly as kika and heidi's cries got louder and more grief-stricken

"i...i can't let her go, dr phelps! please, just a little bit longer, let her brother and her f1 family fly home to see her, please! let them say goodbye!" heidi cried out as dr phelps just shook his head again, he couldn't, there was nothing else that could have been done to keep me alive - kika struggling to comfort heidi as she was also distraught and sobbing

"i'm sorry heidi but, i have to. are you stable enough to ring christian to let him know so he can pass this information to the guys?" dr phelps spoke calmly but with a tinge of sadness as heidi nodded her head - kika also worried that she wouldn't be able to

"yes," heidi was trying so hard to calm herself down before calling christian as kika remained stuck to her side in comfort

daniel's pov

the amount of fun all of us drivers were having at the mexican grand prix was insane. but not just me, lando, max, charles and pierre but the entire f1 grid. i genuinely never thought that we'd be able to get this happy considering what was going on back home in monaco with our sister willow and our girlfriend's (pierre and mine) who was looking after her. however, as the race and podium celebrations finished, christian walked over. he looked distressed and panicked. a sheer difference from the joy he had on his face moments ago considering it was a double rb podium with max in first and checo in third, lando coming second. shedding off my fireproofs, i could tell something wasn't right. it looked like the rest of the teams who also knew about willow's cancer and her recent decline in health did too.

from the look on christian's face, we could all tell it was serious. especially when only just a second ago, lando and charles had made max laugh. the first time the older brother had truly laughed in what felt like forever. but then, in a split second, he was back to his grief-stricken face.

all of us ran to the red bull garage, including those who weren't racing for red bull to where christian was as he fights with himself as to how he should tell us. max grabs ahold of my arm, which i don't mind. this could very well possibly be about willow. i also snake my arm around his waist and pull him close to me. then, christian dropped the gauntlet and told us when everything just came crashing down around us, not just for max, all of us.

"...guys, before i tell you this news, i want you all to take a deep breath and compose yourselves, okay?" christian begins as max looks at me, without even needing to be told, he already knew what christian was going to say and my heart shattered at the look in max's eyes

"what's wrong christian? are willow, kika and heidi okay?" pierre questioned, hoping they were okay as christian gave a slight shake of the head

"i...i'm sorry guys but, no, she isn't okay. heidi just called me in absolute hysterics. willow was half asleep half awake, both girls, heidi and kika was with her. the girls singing her to sleep and cuddling when, out of nowhere, willow's life support machine went awol. as did willow's body and then it stopped..." hearing that just completed my shattered heart but it obliterated max's heart

he was hysterical and i had no idea what to do. max's legs had almost collapsed from underneath him and i had no idea what to do. so, i just fell down with him, grabbing him just in time and turned his head into my shoulder, his body into mine. and he wept as i rubbed his back, his fingers digging into my back, not caring if it hurt - even though i knew it wasn't going to help him and nothing any of us did was going to bring willow back, it was the one thing i could do to help him control something.

the silence that filled the red bull garage was piercing. it was so painfully quiet as i looked at christian to continue telling us what happened. although i knew max didn't want to hear it, it was just so we had clarity. all i needed to know was if it hurt our little verstappen or not.

"...was...was it painful? like, was she in any pain?" i stammered out as i could feel the tears welling in my eyes stream down my cheeks as i took in a shaky breath, holding max tightly - christian giving me an emapthetic look

"not at all, daniel. heidi and kika were told by dr phelps that it did not hurt at all and that she was in complete peace. she couldn't feel a single thing daniel. i'm now going to tell the other team principals and the rest of the officials for the mexican grand prix. on top of the three week break, if any of you need it, we can push the first race of the triple header by another week so you guys get four weeks off if needed as bereavement leave," christian then announced as all of us drivers just stood in shock as we all looked at each other and nodded our heads

"thank you christian. thanks so much. we'll grab our stuff and get to the car so we can get to the jets," i gulped as i knew this meant that the whole journey back to monaco, max would be inconsolable and so would the rest of the verstappens (kelly and penelope included)

and that, that made the rest of us feel horrible because we were all in this family. and we were all bonus brothers to willow.

𓆩♱𓆪

the drive to the plane and then the plane ride was awful. straight up awful. no one could say anything, not even the songs of the radio in the car or jet could make us sing or get excited. it was as though they knew the bereavement that we had just gone through. as every single song was one sad song after another. max couldn't stop crying, which, we didn't blame him for, whilst charles held him close. whilst pierre and i were told to be kept an eye on by fernando and checo since we were the other two (after max) without our partners since kika and heidi were already in monaco with dr phelps and willow. and carlos was wondering how on earth penelope and the kids were going to be told since they couldn't be kept in the dark.

finally arriving at the house in monaco, we were all dreading it. seeing all our cars there, telling us that whilst it seemed like it to others, we actually weren't there at all during willow's last moments. then, finally, for the first time since telling us, christian spoke up. letting us know that we had arrived and it was time for us to go inside the house.

"...come on guys, we're here," christian spoke softly, now this was something we were all scared of happening during any of the grand prixs but most definitely the ones out of europe - willow dying and us not being there for her

walking into the house felt strange. it felt eerie and like it was the most obvious thing that someone, a literal child, my adopted sister and my best friend's sister, willow, had just died. i grabbed a tight hold of max. my hand snaking around max's waist as we walked into the house before we saw kelly who immediately went for max. heidi, my girlfriend and pierre's girlfriend kika are the next people we saw. it was so easy to tell that they both had been crying the whole time, just like max. neither girl, kika and heidi, said anything, we didn't need them to. pierre, max and i just included the girls into the hold we had with max and kelly and we just held each other as they cried. i then went up to willow's room quickly to grab the letters before coming back down where everyone else had taken a seat on the couch.

"good that everyone is sat down but umm, i have something i need to give to you all..." i trailed off as i noticed how everyone watched me with such intensity

"...these. willow made me promise her that i would keep these letters a secret and that i would give them to you or even mention them until she died. we have the choice of reading them aloud to each other now or reading them privately whenever you feel ready to do so. there is one for each of us. including penelope, blue jaye and the other little verstappens and max. and along with the letter she added a photo of herself so we wouldn't forget her," i was so calm, except for the little falter when mentioning the letters for penelope, blue jaye and the rest of the little verstappens and it was scary

but, honestly, i think it was nice for them all but max and kelly especially, to have someone to be so calm. i then gulped, grabbing my own letter as well as max's, ours being the two on the top.

"thanks, daniel," max muttered, kelly smiling gratefully as i smiled at the both of them with a small head nod

"of course max," i smiled softly as i then walked out, with the idea to read my own letter privately because i knew i would cry and i didn't want to cry in front of everyone nor set max and possibly kelly off

i mention kelly because even though kelly is only max's girlfriend and not anything else, she still absolutely adored willow. kelly loved willow in the same way she loved her daughter penelope. and i knew kelly would do everything she could to comfort max and the verstappens and help them through this indescribable loss, the same way the rest of the f1 grid will when he eventually returns.

i watched then as charles walked into willow's room for one last goodbye alongside max, kelly having just stepped out as i stepped in.

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

charles' pov

sliding our letters on the bedside table, max and i were sitting with willow. she looked like she was fast asleep like she was about to wake up from that sleep. tightly holding his sister's hand, max refused to believe it, his eyes looking at his letter. he refused to believe that his younger sister had actually died and done so peacefully. he wanted to believe that she was just going to wake up. holding her hand like he was and watching her like this took him back, all the way back to when he was meeting her for the very first time. and he would have her sleeping on his bare chest. yeah, sorry sophie, sleep time with willow was always going to be a brother/sister thing. except, that wasn't what was going to happen this time. this time, she was nine, staying at that age forever, and max was in his mid twenties, thereabouts and she wasn't going to wake up from a nap and have some quality time with her brother. this time, she was sleeping forever, peacefully. no more pain and suffering. no more crying in private, behind her family's back, even though we suspected it. no more being tired and scared if she was going to wake up the next time or not. this time, willow knew what the true meaning of peace meant. and she was only nine, not allowed to get another year older as the rest of her family would. not allowed to get to watch her family grow up and potentially watch them travel through life.

max's pov

i wasn't ready for this. i was never going to be ready for this day to come. she looked like she was three again, having her afternoon nap. so she could get energised for some more playtime with her brother, which was me. she looked so peaceful like she was sleeping. seeing her like this was a double-edged sword. on one side, made me happy because, like charles' dad herve, she was no longer in any pain and she was now going to live life with herve forever free and in peaceful, painless bliss. however, on the other side, it made me upset. and the fact that she was no longer allowed to have her tenth birthday, or even her eleventh birthday. not even her twelfth or thirteenth birthdays either. she wasn't even allowed to watch her other siblings or penelope or her nieces and nephews grow up in the future. i just wanted my sister to wake up and wipe away me and her family's tears away and tell us that she was okay. that she was going to survive another day with me, with us, her family. for the first time that charles and i had been in here, i spoke up.

"...she...she looks so peaceful charles. like she's three again and i'm still going crazy at the fact that i have another sister," i whimpered out as charles sighed as he rubbed my back

"yeah, she really does max," charles smiled softly as i sniffled, wiping a tear from my cheek as i smiled as well

"i...i always told her that, if she needs to leave, she can do it whenever she was ready. i never wanted her to be in pain charles. neither did mum, victoria or kelly, but, i just wish her ready was our ready..." i choked out as charles pulled me in for a hug as i cried again

"i know max, i know," he whispered repeatedly as i continued to cry

"i...i miss my sister," i sobbed out as i could feel charles tighten as if he was keeping himself from crying in front of me

"have you read the letter that daniel gave you, yet, max? maybe that could help?" charles whispered as i staggered and grabbed the letter

"no, i...i can't. it hurts too much to even look over at it," i whispered, tears stinging my waterline and cheeks as charles smiled small

"it's okay max, i can't read mine either and it seems like daniel can't either. i thought i could but, i really couldn't. maybe we'll read them as a group together in a few weeks, maybe that'll be easier," charles whispered as i nodded my head, just resting it on his shoulder

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

now, max left and it was just charles and willow. it was the next day after being told willow had died. unlike max, charles couldn't find it within him to leave his little verstappen alone for the night. dr phelps had requested at least a week or less from the coroner's before arriving to take willow's body away. charles just couldn't bring himself to leave her in that room on her own. he felt like he was being begged without willow even saying anything for him to stay with her. and, he did. he talked to her and he cried and that was the circle of events that he did throughout the night until he fell asleep. his head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm.

charles' pov

i just couldn't do it. i couldn't leave willow alone. i just couldn't. unlike max and kelly since they had to continue taking care of penelope and the rest of the verstappen's, i wasn't able to. i felt as though willow, without even saying anything, was asking me to stay with her. so, i just started to talk to her. with that obviously came the crying as she actually couldn't respond. and that just made me upset that i wasn't getting any responses from the little verstappen. which then made me feel weird for talking to the deceased girl. this then kept on going on a repeated cycle until i fell asleep. resting my head on her exposed and untouched arm.

"...it feels so weird without you, mon ange. it's like, i don't know. nothing seems fun anymore. the rest of our f1 season will no longer be properly exciting anymore. sure, it's only been a day since you died but, i've never seen your brother so burnt out and exhausted. i'm scared willow, what are we going to do without you? what are we going to do without you after this f1 season ends?" i cried out, i was truly lost, what were we going to do?

sure, we were stil going strong in this season of f1 with no signs of slowing down but, it was obvious that there were talks of the grid changing and evolving again. but, nothing was fully set in stone yet. we had a great few years as the current grid and we had willow with us for nine of those years. she's literally been with us basically since some of us have started in f1. now she was gone. and it was like we were all having to rebuild our lives all over again after losing our best friend, a similar thing definitely going through max's mind too, since this is the first time he's lost someone so close to him before.

"please, willow, don't do this to us. we always told you to leave whenever you were ready but, why didn't you understand we meant our ready, not your ready!" i sobbed out once again, crying into willow's clean white bedsheets

"fuck sake! it feels like our little f1 family has just stopped spinning but everyone else's continues to spin around us. what are we going to do? what will we do now?" i couldn't stop crying, it was quite embarrassing. however, i slowly found myself getting tired

"i love you so much willow. whilst the loss of my dad and godfather hurt, and is something i'll never understand for the rest of my life, i'll never be able to understand this. the loss of my beautiful, sweet, forever young baby red bull. god, willow, if you're up there with my dad and jules, please let them know that we love them and miss them," i sobbed out as i felt my eyes close and all of a sudden, i was knocked out asleep, my head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm

𓆩♱𓆪

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender? i surrender, i surrender

liked by kellypiquet, landonorris, danielricciardo, heidiberger, charlesleclerc, pierregasly, victoriaverstappen and 12,000k others

maxverstappen1 willow violet verstappen. she was my little sister. and my family got the honour of having her as ours for nine years. and how i wish every single day i open my eyes that willow got to do the same thing and have more than just nine years. ever since the day victoria and i found out we were getting another sibling, we knew the risk but also the pure joy of mum and dad keeping the pregnancy. but, they did anyway and boy are we glad they did. whilst this post only shows me, kelly, penelope and willow, it's only because all the other photos that willow has with the other siblings, victoria's kids and the f1 grid are from their last few days together. and because all the other kids are still so young and don't know what's just happened and the beveravement we've just had, i don't want to share them online, not now anyway. watching my eight year old sister get diagnosed with cancer and then get to see her celebrate her ninth birthday, help celebrate our mum's birthday as well as my own birthday and some grand prix's will always be something we are so grateful for as a family. even though she didn't get to see her tenth birthday and every other birthday after that whilst the rest of us get to turn another year older and meet and watch the other kids in the family grow up for the short time she had with them. watching little willow go through her cancer and then the short amount of treatment we had her on for, we always told her that whenever she was ready to go, she could go. but, no one who loses anyone to cancer or any terminal illness admits that when they say that statement, they don't mean when their family member is ready to go. they mean when everybody else is ready. and that wasn't any different for me and my family with willow. we didn't want her to leave when she was ready because we knew it would be way before the rest of us were ready. but, now writing this and posting it halfway through this years formula one season, i am so proud of my little sister for letting go when she was ready to. and not feeling like she had to wait for everyone else around her to be ready for her to leave. she knew she wasn't going to be painless unless she let herself go and she has done just that. like i mention literally everywhere and anywhere i can, being your older brother, willow violet, was the best thing in the world for me. and i have no doubts that your mum and other siblings would say the very same thing. we all love you to the moon, the stars and the milky way, schatje. maxie will talk to you soon, sleep tight princess 🤍

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kellypiquet our beautiful little girl. your beautiful mini-me

maxverstappen1 kellypiquet i know! i remember how upset dad and mum got when willow looked like me

landonorris breaking my heart here, max! we miss you every day willow

maxverstappen1 landonorris sorry lando but i can't deal with the feeling of people forgetting her. and i miss her too 🤍

danielricciardo my god, max, when will my tears stop? i miss your cuddles, willow 🤍

maxverstappen1 danielricciardo good question i have no idea and she gave the best cuddles didn't she?

heidiberger all of these photos and more and i still wish she was here so we could take more 🤍

maxverstappen1 heidiberger i know. i think about that every day and my heart shatters

charlesleclerc our sweet willow violet. miss you, mon ange 🤍

maxverstappen1 charlesleclerc 🤍🤍

pierregasly max, this is beautiful. miss you willow 🤍

maxverstappen1 pierregasly thank you pierre🤍

victoriaverstappen oh stop it max! my heart is broken in two 🤍

maxverstappen1 victoriaverstappen i don't want people to forget our sister vic🤍

f1fanatic i cannot even imagine how these last two months have been for you guys. willow was such a sweet little girl. for sure everyone's favourite verstappen! i remember how much she loved victoria's littles as well as penelope 🤍

maxverstappen1 f1fanatic i can't either and then i remember. and she really was, she was such a sweet soul with too much love to carry in her tiny body, especially for penelope and her nieces and nephews 🤍

fin

this took nearly all day to rewrite so please love this please and thank you! also, i legit went back and forth from having this be about child loss or sibling loss so many times when i finally decided sibling loss cause i couldn't have it within me to have max be an actual biological dad to a daughter and then have the kid pass away. so, for part two, i'll have the timelines change a little so when she's older, it's still the same f1 grid like it is now in 2024 but no ages have changed? if you know what i mean...

#formula one #angst #max verstappen #trigger warnings #mentions of terminal illnesss #tears #do not read if it triggers you #sibling loss

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val-made-a-mistake · 1 year

Text

❝FIREWHISKEY.❞

(not my gif)

summary: liquid courage - that's firewhiskey. a drink you and george can both overindulge in, sometimes, but it always seems to bring you closer together.

warnings: fluff central, alcohol (obviously), underage drinking, hangovers, mentions of vomiting, just a disclaimer, it’s been several years since i last picked up the harry potter series, you can probably guess the reason why, so i SINCERELY doubt everything will perfectly follow the timeline. my friend asked me to write something for the twins for her birthday and gave me her blessing to post, please know i’m trying my best lol. this is set loosely during the summer where the weasleys and friends attend the world cup. (google confused me on the twins’ ages so they’re seventeen, not sixteen.)

word count: 1k

tag list: @mizu-soup

a/n: happy birthday fred and george! psst...when i first posted the sneak peek of this fic, i said i had written SCENES for george, not just this singular one you'll (hopefully) read after the "read more" line. i'm planning to post these scenes as a little ficlet series eventually and develop george and reader's relationship more (firewhiskey is the main theme in all of them, as you can probably guess) but my life is a total dumpster fire at the moment, so who knows how fast that'll happen. please enjoy for now :) i love you

//////

Up on the highest floor of the Burrow, the window was a thin, uncurtained rectangle stretching up to the roof, and early in the morning, if, say, you’d gotten so drunk on Firewhiskey the night before you’d blacked out and subsequently forgotten to hoist Ginny’s old mattress up against the wall to cover it, the sunrise nearly blinded you and every other occupant of the room come 7 AM.

Not the most pleasant awakening one could have in the early morning.

“Merlin,” Fred moaned, wincing at the stream of sunlight and shoving his face into the pillow. “Ron, get the bloody mattress.”

“Why does it have to be me?” Ron cried, bounding up from the misshapen heap of blankets on the floor.

“You’re closest, you moron!” George snapped back. “Dunno about Fred, but my head’s pounding, Y/N woke up with her head in the bucket…”

“I’m awake, George,” you bit out from the opposite side of the room, absentmindedly grabbing onto the rim of the bucket in case you were to throw up again: your mouth tasted like something had died and rotted in your throat, and your voice sounded rough and gravelly from the dehydration. “Fuck, that’s the last time I’m drinking Firewhiskey…”

“You lot okay?” Harry whispered from opposite Ron on the floor. You didn’t think anything of it at the time, but he was clutching his forehead, gently rubbing his scar. Regardless of what it may have meant, you felt pity for him: you, Fred, and George might have just turned seventeen, and had drank Firewhiskey plenty before you’d legally been able to, but Harry was fourteen, much too young for a hangover. God, he’d only wanted a sip, why’d you let it go this far?

“We’re alive, I think,” Fred groaned as Ron got up to block the window; his voice was still muffled from his head in the pillow. “Mum will have everything in the pantry for a Rejuvenation Potion, right?”

“Reckon we can nick the cauldron from Percy’s room?” you put in tiredly, rolling over onto your back to stare at him.

George snorted and rolled his eyes. “Oh, no, Y/N, that’s gonna be impossible.”

You’d opened your mouth to hit him with a snarky remark of your own, but too late: in a blink of an eye, George had vanished.

Before you could even roll your eyes at how abruptly he disappeared— and how clever he obviously thought he was as you’d failed your Apparition Test three times in a row and still couldn’t legally do it — he’d Apparated back into the room with a small rusty cauldron in his hands.

“Percy’s in the kitchen,” he told the room, his grin as smug as ever. “Go down and distract him for me, will you? Look alive, you lot.”

The sunlight no longer a threat to his wellbeing, Fred rose from the squashed, broken mess of a couch, rubbing his eyes. “I’ll see what Mum’s making for breakfast.”

He Disapparated, but not fast enough for you not to spot his identical grin. You had to glare at the wall. They loved teasing you, and no matter how much you may have loved them, you’d never hear the end of it.

There was an awkward silence as everyone seemed unwilling to move.

“Ron, get out,” George said, looking over at the misshapen heap of blankets that bore a wincing Ron.

“Fuck you,” he shot back immediately, and George grinned.

“You better not let Mum hear that sass. Harry, I love you mate, I don’t want to sound like I’m kicking you out, but can you leave me and Y/N alone for a moment? Potion’s gonna take, like, fifteen minutes to brew.”

“No problem,” Harry groaned, reaching for his glasses as he climbed to his feet. “Ron, c’mon.”

Much slower than either of the twins, Ron got up, wobbled to the door with his best friend’s aid, and with the loud CREAK of the door opening, they were gone. George was already taking the ingredients he’d gathered out of the cauldron: you saw several packets of herbs, tiny vials of juices, and a large stirring spoon.

Working deftly, he pointed his wand at the pan underneath the cauldron. “Incendio.”

A fire ignited immediately.

“Do you think you’re gonna vomit again?” he asked you as he ripped a packet of herbs open and dumped them into the cauldron. His voice was so gentle you almost didn’t register he was talking to.

You probably weren’t going to, so you finally let go of the bucket. “I don’t think so.”

“Last time she’s drinking Firewhiskey, she says,” he mocked you, wiggling his shoulders sarcastically. “That’s what you say literally ever morning after, you know.”

Slightly above him on the only bed of the room, you pinned him with the most searing death glare you could manage.

George grinned at you - his real grin, completely free of sarcasm or smugness. “Hang in there, love.”

A small silence fell as you watched him.

“I think if you had any ounce of ambition, you’d be a Healer at St Mungos,” you told him absentmindedly.

“St Mungos!” he gasped, his eyes jumping up to yours as he uncorked a small vial of a mysterious reddish juice. “How dare you, Y/N! You want to set me up with Snape for a few more years?”

You laughed, even though it upset your stomach, which was already growling incessantly. “No, I - I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Jesus, I need some of Molly’s scrambled eggs.”

“Go on without me,” he told you, eyeing a measurement of an equally mysterious brown powder that your Muggleborn background likened to hot cocoa mix. “Tell Mum I’m sleeping and am not to be disturbed. And tell Ron if he rats us out about what happens last night, he’ll wish he was never born.”

“I don’t think he will,” you said tiredly, rising. “But I’ll tell them nonetheless. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he responded. “Stay alive for me.”

You smiled gently; your head was still pounding, and now that you were on your feet, your whole world was spinning. “I’ll try.”

#george weasley #george weasley x reader #george weasley x y/n #george weasley x you #harry potter #hp #hp fandom #hp fic #hp fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter fandom #fred weasley #james phelps #oliver phelps #ron weasley #ginny weasley

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httpsdana · 11 months

Note

I am guessing that requests are open, If they are not, please ignore

I saw your Rasmus fic, and omg he is so fucking precious. Living sunshine literally.

Can I get numbers 26,27 and 46 from your prompt list with him? Maybe he takes the reader to Denmark to meet his family and he gets jealous because one(or both lol, for added spice) of his brothers get too cozy with her? Friendly ofc, but he still feels akward about it? At the end he talks about it with reader and she reassures him that she only wants him? Hurt-comfort basically

Sorry If it's too specific or not specific enough<3

Danish Love~Rasmus Højlund

*GIF isn't mine. credits to the owner*

weird how i found a gif of him with one of his brothers immediately (I hope this is him so I don't sound stupid). also google said Emil and Oscar are the names of his brothers and that they're twins. I'm sorry if its wrong, but correct me if I am. enjoy <3

you can request from my prompt list

this is my master list

players/drivers I write for

26-"Hold up. Are you jealous ?"

27-"tell me what's wrong"

46-"My mum/dad loves you"

The cold Danish breeze hit their skin as soon as they stepped out of the car. Rasmus and y/n were at the Denmark, so y/n can meet his parents for the first time in real life. They have spoken a few times on facetime but they were already close.

"go on. knock on the door. I'll get our bags" Rasmus ushered her to knock the door, walking back to the car

She raised up her now cold hand, and knocked softly on the door. A few seconds and the door opened, to be met by one of his brothers.

"you must be y/n? I'm Oscar, its nice to finally meet you" he greeted with a smile, making y/n smile back. She shook his hand that was out for her and studied his features that seem to be exactly like Rasmus'

"its nice to meet you too Oscar" she smiled at him, before he let her in and went to help his brother.

As soon as she stepped inside, his mother came with a huge smile and wide arms

"sweetheart. its so good to finally meet you for real. you're even prettier in real life" She hugged her immediately, engulfing her in a warm cozy feeling.

"thank you. its nice to be here with you" she hugged her back, before they pulled away when her husband came.

"hello darling. how are you doing?" he hugged her lightly patting her head when they pulled away. She smiled at him before speaking up

"I'm good. glad to be here. how are you guys doing?" she asked nicely, them smiling back at her

"we've been waiting for you two. speaking of that. where's Rasmus?" his mother asked

"oh he's getting our bags from the car with Oscar" she said

They nodded before his father went to help his sons and his mother dragged y/n with her to the kitchen

"I like y/n. she seems like a nice girl" Oscar told Rasmus, making him look at him weirdly

"yeah she is. when did you two speak?" he asked, ignoring the weird feeling bubbling inside of him

"oh I opened the door for her. she's such a sweetheart" Oscar smiled, before walking inside with two bags in his hands, leaving Rasmus lost deep in his thoughts

He didn't want to feel this way, but the way his brother was smiling was weird. He shook his head and locked the car before walking back to his house

He entered the house, and was met by his girlfriend's laugh from the kitchen. He smiled before walking to the kitchen, only to be met by his brother and girlfriend, laughing at something he hasn't figured out yet.

He furrowed his eyebrows before clearing his throat and getting their attention. His mother was nowhere to be seen and they were alone in the kitchen.

"I see you already met Oscar" he spoke up, some sarcasm evident in his voice, making his girlfriend confused. She was sat on the counter and motioned for him to come closer. He smirked and walked to her, pressing his lips roughly on her for a solid second, catching her off guard.

"ugh that was so unnecessary" Oscar rolled his eyes jokily

Rasmus rolled his eyes too, before turning to his brother.

"if you don't like it just go" he shrugged, making his brother chuckle before leaving

"what was that?" y/n asked, a small smile playing on the corner of her lips

Rasmus shook his head and put his arms around her waist and stood between her legs. He leaned in and closed the distance between them, kissing her lips passionately. Her hand reached to his jaw, while one of his rested on her cheek. Rasmus was about to deepen their kiss before they were interrupted

"ew what the fuck?" a voice said, making them pull away quickly

y/n was met with another blondie, guessing he was Rasmus' other brother

"Emil" Rasmus smiled, giving his brother a small hug

y/n was embarrassed by the situation they were caught in, but when Emil smiled at her she relaxed a bit.

"you must be the famous y/n. not only mom and dad but also Oscar won't shut up about you" he said with a slight laugh, making her laugh too

Rasmus clenched his jaw, rolling his eyes before he walked out of the kitchen with a huff

"what's his problem?" Emil asked, only for y/n to shrug in response

Time Skip

"you know. my mom and dad love you. they literally haven't stopped talking about you since we arrived" Rasmus said, making y/n blush slightly

"I'm glad. wouldn't want them to hate me or something" she joked

"how could anyone hate someone like you" he replied, pulling her closer to him. She smiled and rolled her eyes jokingly, before pecking his lips a few times.

"even your brothers like me. I'm glad they do" she said, making his smile drop. He rolled his eyes and pulled away, making y/n confused

"what's up?" she asked, sitting down next to him on the bed in the room they were sleeping in

"nothing" he mumbled, scrolling through his phone to avoid her tense gaze on him

She grabbed his jaw gently and turned his face to look at him. She stared into his beautiful blue eyes and smiled slightly before talking

"tell me what's wrong" she insisted, making him sigh

"its just...my brothers seem to like you a lot. like don't get me wrong I want them to like you and be close but its just that they seem to be a lot too cozy. especially Oscar" he confessed making her chuckle

"Hold up. Are you jealous ?" she asked with a smirk, making him groan. He covered his face with his hands, to hide his red cheeks

"I'm not...I just don't like what they're doing" he said, still avoiding her eyes. She turned his face again to her, and pressed a kiss on the tip of his nose

"you know I only love you darling. plus I only like older guys, Oscar and Emil are too young for me. In fact I prefer their older brother. he's one smoking hot man" she said, making him laugh

He leaned in and kissed her lightly, before laying his head on her chest. She dropped back on the bed, with Rasmus laying on top of her. She scratched his scalp with her nails, making him sigh in satisfaction.

"I love you sweetheart" he whispered, already falling asleep because of their tiring trip

" I love you more darling. get some sleep. you need it baby"

#football #football blurb #football imagine #football one shot #football x reader #footballer imagine #manchester united #man united #man utd #rasmus højlund #rasmus hojlund imagines #rasmus hojlund x reader #rasmus hojlund x y/n #rasmus hojlund x you #rasmus hojlund blurb #rasmus hojlund fanfic #rasmus hojlund fluff #rasmus hojlund #rasmus højlund x you

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pjisskullourful · 20 days

Text

𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓮𝓽𝓼

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

🌼Damiano × reader

part 29 [series masterpost]

NSFW 🔥 filthy horny playtime for adults only

° Damiano David/female reader insert

wordcount:: 9,015

° request from my shopping star anon: I was doing some thinking on how to make a sexy situation without having to do it riskily/near other people right, then I saw THIS. Sex JENGA. Now, hear me out. [...] Write stuff on Jenga tiles, leave a few blank then mix them up. Make a tower without looking at the writing [...] it gets progressively sexy ;) and you gotta see how long you can last before it leads to hot desperate sex bc both are horny mfers who are being teased [requests are soo fucking open!][but commissions get priority- book one here]

° lyrics stolen from britney spears

You stirred awake as you rolled over in the bed, your eyes cracking open a little. Immediately something caught your interest - a bright rectangle beaming light directly onto your boyfriend's face. You moved closer to him, glancing up at the window to try to orientate yourself in this rented room. The world outside was still dark, in stark contrast to the phone Damiano was staring at.

You had to concentrate to regain your bearings, bringing the hours before you had fallen asleep back into focus. Christmas night - Damiano and his family had still been awake and enjoying their shared time together when you had retired for the night. You had been feeling sluggish after eating too much of the dinner Damiano and his mum had made. But the others had remained in the festive spirit, reminiscing and laughing.

There were no sounds coming from the other side of the shut door, leading you to believe that you had been asleep for many hours. You felt rested as you started to come into awareness more-and-more.

You got Damiano’s attention by resting your hand on his chest as you moved in closer. “What time is it?”

“Two.” He replied as he began to wrap an arm around you.

You paused from snuggling into his side, lifting your head as your eyebrows jumped up. “Why aren’t you asleep?”

“I don't know, I couldn't find any sheep.” He said.

You were perplexed, wondering if you hadn't heard him properly. You lifted your head from the pillow, turning your bleary eyes to the screen of his phone. The layout and colour scheme looked familiar, he was just playing Alchemy Stars, nothing out of the ordinary. You had never played the battling game yourself, but so far as you knew (and according to what he had mentioned in the past) there were no sheep included. What would their place be in the RPG?

“Sheep?” You asked.

He took his eyes off of the screen, looking at you with a little smile developing on his lips. “Yeah, there were no sheep for me to count, how could I possibly fall asleep?”

“Oh.” You said and you shook your head. “That kind of sheep. But aren't you tired, baby?”

He locked the screen and started to put his phone aside. “Well I thought I was…” He rolled over, facing you and you found a good reason to pull yourself further out of your slumber. “But then I've been laying here and just not falling asleep. I guess I'm not done with the day yet.”

You scooched in closer, the tip of your nose almost touching his. “Is there anything I can do to help you fall asleep?”

“Do you know where I can find some sheep?” He asked.

“I would definitely have to Google that.” You said.

He started to stroke the tips of his fingers against your cheek. “What if we were just awake together?”

“Okay.” You said with a smile.

There was a familiar kind of stirring inside of you as he moved to close the distance between the two of you with a kiss. His fingers continued to caress your cheek while his other arm slid around you. Your bare chest was brought to his body, feeling a warmth greater than the comfort of the blankets.

“You fell asleep pretty fast, huh?” He asked.

“Yeah, my tummy was all full and there were no other presents left for me to open, why would I stay awake?” You replied.

“I'm not surprised that you were asleep by the time I got up here. But I thought you might have stayed awake for a bit and spent some time thinking about your little assignment.” He said, the dim light from outside showing you his face.

You knew exactly what he was talking about, there was only one assignment. It was something he had thought up, it went along with a gift he had bought you. This was one of the gifts that you had opened in your room, a handful of items that there shouldn't be an audience for the unwrapping of, strictly for you and your boyfriend.

Sex Jenga - you didn't know how he had found this item. It was a version of the stacking game that came with modification stickers. There were blank rectangular stickers that you needed to write on before placing them on the individual pieces.

Your assignment was to plan the sexual prompts, each tile needed a different risque action. You weren't sure that you could come up with fifty-four sexy ideas. The instructions had come with some examples but you didn't like all of them.

“Honestly it didn't even cross my mind, ‘cause it's not like we're on the verge of playing it. We can't play it while we're in a house full of people.” You said.

“Actually we could, we would just have to play the quiet version.” He said.

“What, like right now?” You asked.

“Yeah, are you busy with something else?” He replied.

“Why don't we do the assignment together? And we do it lying down just like this? ‘Cause you might end up getting sleepy, in the process you could find those sheep.”

“Okay, if that's how you wanna do it.” He said.

“You're gonna be better at this than me because you're not half-asleep like me.” You said as you rolled over and started reaching out for your phone.

“It's not a competition, kitty. We're working on the same list.” He said. “I’m not expecting you to force yourself to stay awake. Look, put your head right here…” He patted his covered pectoral. “And you can drift off again if you need to.”

You relocated your head from the pillow to his chest, his closest arm draped around you. You kept your phone in your hand, triggering the screen to re-illuminate. “No, I think I’m probably more likely to stay awake now.”

“Great. Well, I have one rule…” He said before he paused, a thoughtful look on his face. “Actually, two rules.”

“Alright, what are they?” You asked.

“No pussy suggestions.” He said.

“What, so what am I supposed to do, just write cock worship for every block?” You asked, disbelieving.

“No, no, no.” He said, starting to laugh a little. “I meant no wimpy suggestions. You can make as many about pussy as you like. But it’s a dirty game, don’t give me a bunch of tame ideas. Don’t write something like kiss my neck, something like that should become: give me a hickey.”

You nodded as you opened a blank document on your phone. “Alright, I’ll only write stuff that I would do just in private, or Ethan’s backyard.”

“That’s the spirit.” He said. “The next rule is that we both get vetoes.”

“Great.”

“You will have five, and I get…” You looked up from your phone when he paused, and you found he was smiling more broadly as he watched for your reaction. “Ten.”

You were almost too surprised to contain yourself. “What?”

“Hey, I thought you didn’t want to make too much noise.” He playfully chastised you, squeezing you tighter momentarily.

“How is that fair?” You asked, making the effort to keep your voice low again.

“I’m the Daddy, I have extra responsibilities, therefore I’m entitled to extra benefits.” He said. “Do you see the fairness in that?”

You made a show of pouting. “Yeah, I guess.” You took your eyes away from his gloating face, looking back at your phone, with your thumbs poised for typing. “Can I put give a hickey on my list?”

“Sure, but don’t leave out that idea you had for cock worship.” He said.

“Well I just wasn’t sure what time limit to put on that. Obviously there needs to be one because you would be down for hours of that. But what’s too long and what’s too short?” You asked.

He nodded, looking more thoughtful again. “You’re right. Because this is about the tease, we don’t want to push it too far and have the game going for a ridiculously long time. Let’s say ten minutes is the absolute maximum- anything longer than that, we should just ditch the game and call it sex. How about nothing shorter than two minutes?”

“That sounds good.” You said, entering these parameters into your phone. “Sounds fair.”

Your list started to grow and you were feeling less sleepy by the second. You found that the ideas flowed once you tapped into the inspiration of thinking about these activities in relation to your boyfriend. You imagined things you would want to do to him, and the ideas began to multiply almost effortlessly.

But the trick was to not give the fantasy too much time. If you dedicated too much time to the image, then it could have an effect on you that went beyond mere distraction.

The beating of your heart got a little more noticeable. You squirmed even closer to Damiano and began caressing your foot against his leg.

Thinking about how things would feel could really get you going, which you needed to avoid. You didn’t want to get so turned on before the game had even begun (all of the blocks were still neatly packed away). He would surely take delight in teasing you over how quickly you got turned on.

He seemed pleased with your progress when you provided an update. He didn’t take issue with any of the prompts that you read out. He helped you determine how many cunt spanks. You weren’t surprised when he said your idea of cockwarming should have two stickers - one for five minutes, another for a ten minute stretch.

He shared some of his prompts with you. There was taking the other player’s underwear off and performing a short strip tease. He had included ice play, which you simply had to veto given the current season.

There were the occasional duplicates, both of you interested in the same idea. When it came time to combine your lists, you agreed to let some prompts show up on two stickers. Making out was the kind of thing you would happily do more than once.

The sky outside was still primarily dark when you finished the master list, despite the hours that had gone into the activity. He wasn't any closer to falling asleep. You didn't think you would be able to drift off again until your thoughts came to a satisfying conclusion.

You didn't discourage him when he got the box open and started to write on the provided stickers. You dressed yourself in your pyjamas and set off to get some water from the kitchen.

When you returned (shutting and locking the door behind you) it was to find him setting the tower up.

“Now you’re gonna know where each block is.” You stated. “The game is gonna go exactly how you want it to. Is this another one of your Daddy extra benefits?”

He added another level of blocks to his tower. “You are really over-estimating my memory.”

“You remember all of those song lyrics.” You said.

He made a face. “There are several compilations on the internet that would argue the truth of what you just said.” He carefully stacked three more tiles. “I shuffled them up as best I could and I’ve been adding them with the stickers facing down so that I’m not seeing where every exact block goes. I haven’t been trying to rig it, or whatever.”

“Okay.” You said, sitting down on the edge of the mattress so that you could watch him getting closer to a completed, seventy-five centimetre tall tower. You couldn’t see any of the stickers, giving his statement complete believability.

“Were there any signs of life out there?” He asked about his family member’s current activity.

“No, it seems like everyone is still tucked in.” You said.

“It’s almost as if they’re too far away to hear anything that we do in here.” He said.

“Yeah, yet.” You sarcastically responded, speaking quietly as you lifted your glass to your lips, having another drink.

“So what’s your final answer?” He asked. “Are we gonna play, or should I indulge the masculine urge to destroy something five seconds after completing it?”

“No, don’t destroy it. We can play.” You said and you moved to join him on the floor, sitting opposite him, the tower between you. “Let’s see if there is a quiet mode for this game.”

He depleted the scattered pile next to him by placing the final three blocks in their uniform spot at the top. Then he looked at you, wearing an encouraging smile. “I think you should go first, because it’s your gift.”

You considered the neat tower, with all of the stickers out of sight it looked like you were about to partake in a regular and innocent game. You had no idea what you were on the verge of uncovering. You reached without trepidation, your eyes set on a block at the side.

You got it free without any threats to the structural integrity of the rest of the tower. You turned the piece over and found his handwriting - the innocence of the game was immediately dispelled.

You licked your lips as you showed it to him, reading it. “Receive oral for two minutes.”

“Fuck yeah, starting with a bang.” He said.

You laid the tile carefully across the top, starting a new level. “Am I supposed to count or something to keep track of the time?” He kept a safe distance from the tower as he started to move toward you, crawling on all-fours. “Because I don’t know how specific I will be with that. If you’re giving it to me really great, I might forget what order the numbers should be in.”

“Aw, babygirl might get a bit dumb?” He asked. “It’s okay, we’ll use a phone timer, that can help us to not get so carried away, hm?”

“But not too loud.” You insisted.

He rolled his eyes as he stopped and fetched his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants. He began tapping his fingers across the screen. “It won't wake anybody up. I'll show you.”

He set the timer for a few seconds, the tone coming clearly through the speaker of his phone. He let it trill a handful of times before hitting the button to silence it. He looked at you as you waited. You listened as carefully as you could, ready to hear even the slightest stirring.

But it didn't come. The bedroom that the two of you were in was positioned the most separated from the other bedrooms. The noise from his phone couldn't carry the distance to his family members, it seemed.

“Okay? How about you tell me who's always right?” He asked, moving in to get so close to you.

You smiled, your cheeks heating as you let those paranoid thoughts go, no longer letting them slow you down. “Daddy is.”

“Mm-hmm.” He said, his nose bumping against yours before his eyes moved down. “Seeing that options about taking clothes off are still in play, I guess I'll just sneak these cute pants and panties down to your knees for only a minute.”

“Sounds good.” You said, changing your position so that you were resting on your knees.

You draped your arm around the back of his neck, stealing a kiss. He kept kissing you, not needing to look at what he was doing with his hands. He secured the waistband of your printed p.j bottoms and your panties in his grasp at the same time, taking them down together. You had altogether stopped trying to hear anything beyond this bedroom.

The home’s central heating kept you from feeling a terrible chill as he got these parts of your body uncovered. You moved, placing your ass down on the floor.

He considered you with a hungry look, before getting distracted by picking his phone up again. “Okay, two minutes.” He set the timer and put the phone aside, you put your eyes on him instead of paying any attention to the countdown. He bent down and moved his head between your thighs. But he spoke instead of letting you feel his mouth instantly. “Kitten, you’re- how long have you been wet?”

You huffed impatiently. “Don’t go wasting my minute with talking.” You began playing with his short hair as he brought his face right up to your pussy. “You’re on the clock, I’ll do the talking.”

He complied, letting you feel the swirl of his tongue at your entrance. He pushed it briefly inside before swiping up, setting your clitoris as his focus. Your eyes fluttered shut as you sank into this intensity. Your blood rushed into this area as he alternated between kissing and licking the hood.

“I guess that wetness has been building up.” You said as he continued at this dazzling massage. “When we were making the list, I was being a good girl and concentrating on the task Daddy set for me. And stuff like two minutes of sixty-nine isn’t an abstract concept. Thinking about all of it had an effect on me, I’m only human.”

Your fingers glided between his short strands of light hair. The persistent work of his tongue had you feeling the spread of an enticing heat beneath your skin.

Your legs started to feel like jelly when the sound of the timer reached your ears. You bit into your lower lip, feeling like you needed a bit of extra help to keep you from swearing. You couldn’t let him think that it was beyond you to take this teasing, not this early into the game.

You felt him move away and the timer was halted, but you kept your eyes shut. You took a pause before letting this moment end. You acknowledged the new feelings inside you, a different kind of energy rushing your veins. It wasn’t enough to intoxicate you, not yet.

“Alright, my turn.” He announced.

You opened your eyes, finding that he was facing the tower, with no interest in helping you fix the position of your pants. You covered yourself up again, your desires shrinking enough for you to concentrate on other things.

He picked out one of the tiles. “Give a sexy lap dance.”

“Ooh, very nice.” You said, keenly rubbing your hands together.

“You have to let me play music for this, just give me one song and I will play it extremely low.” He said as you got up, going back over to take a seat on the mattress. “It will be awkward if I try to do it without music.”

You kept to yourself your disagreement with him thinking that he could ever look awkward while doing a sexy dance. You just nodded as you got comfortable, legs dangling from the side of the bed. “Alright, one song.”

He got to his feet, his eyes down as he used his phone. You had some guesses for which song he was going to pick.

“It's going to be a fully-clothed sexy dance?” You asked. “‘Cause it's not the strip tease block, we haven't gotten to the clothes off bricks yet…”

“It's good, this way I know you'll be paying attention to my dance moves ‘cause you won't be distracted by looking at parts of my body.” He said, prompting you to roll your eyes.

The electronic beat started to play from his phone, softly, barely any louder than the two of you had been talking. You weren’t surprised when Britney Spears’ voice joined the music.

‘Hey, over there, please forgive me…’

He dropped the phone onto the bed beside you, freeing up his hands for the dance. He smiled, his lower lip held between his teeth as he shimmied his shoulders, stepping closer to you. He parted his legs so that he could stand directly in front of you, his legs on the outside of yours. He bent forward, at the same time grabbing the back of your head. He brought your face flush to the centre of his chest, shimmying as if he could motorboat you. This made you giggle as you played along, shaking your head.

‘Wanna whisper in your ear, make it clear, a little question…’

He propped one of his feet up on the bed, directly beside your ass so that his thighs could be spread even further. He started to roll his hips, a smooth and rhythmic thrusting into the air directly in front of you.

“Yeah Daddy, give me those Magic Mike moves.” You said, giggling less now.

He slightly pulled up the bottom of his shirt, letting you see the trail of hair that led down to his pubes. “I’m gonna do moves that make Magic Mike look like Basic Michael.”

‘...would you hold it against me?’

“I feel like they do a lot of shit like this…” He said as he put one of his hands on your shoulder to help support himself.

He stopped those smooth rolling of his hips, instead he jutted into your face, then back-and-forth. The thrusts had a more aggressive quality, as if he were demanding your attention, rather than just encouraging it.

With his crotch filling the majority of your vision, you couldn’t help noticing that beneath the fabric of his pants, you could see the movement of his cock. You could see the way the shaft bounced and swung, it greatly interested you.

“Yeah, they get stilted with their super-macho-ness.” You said.

‘I want more, wanna see it. So I’m asking you tonight…’

He quit doing his little impression so that he could spin around, putting his back to you. He bent forward, his hands going to his knees as he put an arch in his back. Then he started to bounce his elevated ass, going in time with the relentless beat as all of your attention was secured.

‘So if I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?’

He backed up until he could place himself almost in your lap. This was when he threw his ass even higher into the air, making you giggle when it almost smacked into your face. He was undeterred, gyrating smoothly through this slightly slower part of the song, leading to the breakdown.

‘And show me how you work it out…’

He sat down on your lap, now grinding himself on your thighs. You felt the friction between you as he grinded back-and-forth, so close to you, but not lingering.

He picked up one of your hands by the wrist, putting it where he wanted it. He placed your open palm on his pectoral, then started to gradually guide it down over the material of his shirt. At the same time he was doing some body-rolls, all of his movements measured and sensual.

‘’Cause you feel like paradise and I need a vacation tonight…’

He was dragging your hand closer to his crotch, the rest of his body in constant motion. You wished you could be writhing with him, getting carried away.

But you were very aware of the time limit, refusing to let that slip from your mind, no matter how good he felt. You heard the music beginning to fade out and he slowed his movements before stopping altogether.

He stayed in your lap as he fetched his phone, stopping it from playing another song. You wrapped your arms around his middle and took your chance to give him some kisses on his neck.

“That was great. You can always hold your body against me.” You said.

He chuckled as he started to stand up. “Thank you. Maybe I’ll pull that tile again later and you can have an encore. Your turn, kitty.”

He knelt down next to the tower and you resumed your spot on the ground, your cheeks feeling a little warmer than before. You made a calculated move as you went for a new tile, nudging one out from the middle spot. You got it free, leaving the rest of the tower undisturbed.

“Receive five spanks.” You read aloud, when you looked up, you found him grinning widely.

He changed his position, taking his ass down to the ground. He crossed his legs in front of himself, patting his thighs. “Get across Daddy’s lap. Now, the fact that you’re still wearing pants should muffle the sounds of the actual spanks. But when it comes to the sounds that you might wanna make… I guess I’ll just have to put my hand over your mouth.”

“Good thing you’ve got a solution for everything.” You said, starting to move toward him.

He continued to smile until you turned so that he was no longer in your line of sight. You moved your body over his legs before you lowered yourself down. Your chest and tummy rested on him, and you arched your back. He reached around, placing his fingers over your lips, holding firm. Immediately you liked the way this felt, needing no control.

This was a position you would have been more than happy to stay in. Your heart was fluttering as you tried to prepare for the first strike, you were so excited.

Then his palm collided with your asscheek and your breathing halted. Warmth bloomed into the pit of your gut and you were certain there would be new moisture coming into your panties. If you had been totally alone, you would have moaned to show him how pleased you were. Instead you boosted your butt up higher for him.

You felt his hand near your ass but the sharp collision didn’t come, he had a question first. “Should I do five overall, or five spanks per cheek? So then we could have an even number…”

With his hand still firmly over your lips, you didn’t have much chance to respond. But it seemed he didn’t truly need your opinion because you were soon feeling the next spank.

The noise was muffled, the sharp and crisp snap replaced by a dull thud. But it felt just as effective as it always did. You could tell that he was putting so much of his strength into the strikes and you were certain that beneath the fabric your skin would be filling with rosy colour.

The third and fourth spanks were delivered to each cheek. Your eyes fluttered shut as you awaited the fifth spank. There was so much more you were craving. You wondered where the tile with pussy spanks written on it was in the tower.

He gave you another powerful slap, then seemed to stop. He was content with this odd number, letting out a contented sigh as he relaxed the hand that held your mouth.

“I’m very impressed by how quiet you kept yourself. I’m a little surprised, actually. Good work, baby.” He said.

You accepted that no further spanks were coming and started to move yourself out of his lap. You could feel that your heart was still racing a little as you braced yourself with your knees on the ground. “Thank you.”

He gave you a kiss that was over way too fast before he put his attention back on the Jenga stack. He picked out a new tile as you settled in the spot next to him.

He was getting up in the same second that he had added this tile to the top of the tower. He narrated as he grabbed the waistband of his pants. “Take your underwear off- finally we’re losing some fucking clothes in this game.”

You waited to start your next turn so that you could watch. He took the sweatpants off entirely, then pulled his briefs down. As soon as they were removed, he got the pants back on. You could give his cock a very brief, visual assessment before it was covered again. There wasn’t much stiffness to notice - you would have to remain patient for the time being.

You picked the next tile, finding the potential key to getting him erect. He was sitting next to you and you showed him the sticker as you read it. “Give a rim job for six minutes.”

His eyes instantly lit up. “I was hoping that one would come up before the tower got knocked over. Do you want me to get on the bed, or I’ll just lie down where I am?”

You placed the tile at the top of the stack. “If you’re comfortable here, you can stay as is.”

“Easy.” He said and he grabbed his phone before starting to move. He repositioned until he could get his chest down to the floor. He laid down mostly flat, taking a moment to bring his pants down, exposing his ass for you. He got the material around his knees, giving you access only to what you needed.

You got yourself down, lying some of your body over his legs. You braced yourself with a hand on each buttcheek as you bowed your head lower. You gently eased the cheeks apart, revealing his hole. It was a pleasing sight and you were ready to focus all of your passion on this target.

You began by spitting onto it, your aim ensuring it landed practically perfectly. This made him immediately flinch, his head raising.

“Oh! I was gonna ask you to tell me when you were ready for the timer to start.” He said.

You considered telling him that you were indeed ready. Instead you showed him, applying your tongue to his hole. You moved it up-and-down across his opening, spreading your saliva further in this intimate crevice.

“Alright, it’s set.” He told you.

You warmed the area some more by guiding your tongue up-and-down a couple more times. Then you trained the tip of your tongue to his hole, swirling it around repeatedly, appreciating the taste and texture of this natural ring.

You held his cheeks firmly apart and started to see how much of your tongue you could get into this tight area. Beneath you, you felt the muscles in his legs tightening.

He let out a shaky exhale. “Eat that asshole up like you fuckin’ love it.”

You were so happy to know that you were having such an effect on him, it inspired you, making you want to see what other reactions you could draw out of him in this way. You sank your tongue in a little deeper and he lifted his hips from the ground, pushing more of his ass into your face.

You held his cheeks so firmly that your fingernails started to press into his supple skin. You curled your tongue up, taking it up to the roof of his hole. You began massaging this spot thoroughly, wanting to make him overcome by delighting tingles.

“Babygirl…” He whimpered, the tone of his voice brought butterflies into your tummy.

He reached back with one hand, grabbing for the back of your head. He didn’t need to worry about you retracting, you were having too much fun for that. The way his asshole fluttered keenly against your tongue was making you feel more-and-more proud of yourself.

You began to bob your head a little, giving him more motion to enjoy. He let out a low, happy hum in response to this progression. Your lips pushed against his hot and wet skin, then eased back. But you were soon going forward again, burying yourself into him so gladly.

“Fuck, you’re makin’ it real hard to care about this game.” He said. “I’m so tempted to cancel the timer and just let you play around with your tongue ‘til you find that g-spot and it gets fuckin’ impossible for me to not cum all over this carpet.”

You swirled your tongue inside of him, wanting to indicate to him that you were interested in continued exploration.

But the timer began to ring, interrupting you from going any further. Before you could follow through with your idea to just keep going, his hand left the back of your head. It was clear that he wanted to proceed with the game as he started to lower his hips back down toward the ground.

He laid flat as he noisily tried to catch his breath. “That got me… I was seein’ stars.”

You licked your lips as you sat up. You were feeling powerful, there was a swell of accomplishment inside of you.

“It’s your turn, Daddy.”

He sighed before slowly starting to make the moves to lift himself from the floor. He wiped a hand across his face, it sounded like he hadn’t yet fully caught his breath. Before his dick could be covered by his pants again, your keen eyes did another quick assessment. Now he was definitely hard, which made you feel even prouder.

Seemingly he didn’t want this to disrupt the game because he promptly pulled his pants up to their earlier position. As soon as his cock was tucked away, he put his attention back on the tower. You admired how his length stretched out the front of his pants for an extra moment, or two. You refocused when he began to read aloud.

“French kiss for four minutes.”

You instantly got closer to him, trailing your hand up his thigh. “But who makes it French?”

He added this new tile to the top of the steady stack. “You were just working your tongue, why don’t we give it a little rest?”

“Okay.” You agreed as he set the needed timer.

Then he turned to you, smiling as he brought his hands up to either side of your face. You were smiling as well, you could feel the tension that was between the two of you - you were so keen to break it.

Your mouths met, both of you holding your lips apart straight away. Lips quickly collided before you felt his tongue, moving forward without hesitation. At the same time his thumbs caressed your cheeks, which were filled with giddy heat.

Your hand was resting high up on his thigh and you were consumed by temptation, thinking about how you could easily escalate this situation. It was a little ridiculous how easy it would be.

But that would go against the point of the game. You knew that if you wanted to remain in a position where he would call you good girl, you couldn’t try to assume any control. If all he wanted to do was French kiss, then you wouldn’t do anything more.

You just caressed your fingers against his thigh, instead of reaching your hand any higher. You got your other hand further away from his dick by wrapping your arm around his middle.

The consistent massaging of his tongue against yours was wonderful, it was inviting you to surrender and just melt for him. Your sense of time passing got lost as you just enjoyed feeling so close to him.

You were just as unhappy to hear the trilling of his phone’s timer this time around. Maybe he was feeling something similar because he didn’t instantly conclude the kiss. He kept his mouth on yours as he took one of his hands off of your face. He retracted his tongue, changing his approach to cover your mouth with kisses. As you tried to match his speed, he silenced the ringing.

You were getting a little short on breath as he slowly brought an end to these kisses. He drew back after giving your lower lip a suck.

“Your turn, pet.” He said as you began to open your eyes.

You were reluctant to move away from him, but you did it. You hoped to pull a good block, something that would add to the intimacy.

“Grind on your partner’s ass for nine minutes.” You read before you looked at him, checking for his reaction.

“Saucy.” He said. “I figure we can both take our pants down so that it’s more fun than dry humping.”

“That sounds great.” You said, adding to the top of the Jenga stack.

You were getting excited by the thought of getting stimulation directly on your cunt. With his phone in hand, he laid down, flat on his chest again. He pushed his pants down to just above his knees and you did the same, taking your underwear down too (it was even damper than before).

“I’ll start the timer when I feel your pussy on my skin.” He said and you agreed.

Your head was rushing with anticipation. There was already a quiver in your cunt as you thought back to occasions of grinding on his thigh. With how much you were already turned on, you wondered if an orgasm could be secured, if the right technique was employed.

“What are the, like, rules? I don’t wanna do it wrong.” You said, holding yourself back from straddling him yet.

“There are no rules- well, just that you have to stop after nine minutes. But you can grind however you want, however feels best for you.” He said.

You licked your lips as you nodded. “Right.”

You lifted one of your legs, passing it over him as you shifted your body weight. You kept yourself balanced with your knees on the ground on either side of his hips.

“Oh yep, that’s a very wet pussy.” He said in response to you lowering yourself to sit on his butt. “You’ve been really enjoying our game, haven’t you kitten?”

You leaned forward, putting the pressure on a different part of your crotch. “Mm-hmm, it’s heaps of fun.”

You put your hands to your labia majora and eased them back, then you pushed your exposed clitoral hood onto his skin. It was immediately receptive to the pressure and you smiled, pleased by this beginning.

You could stimulate yourself even further by thrusting your hips, testing out how much you could move. The pleasure radiated out to more of your body, making you want to press harder. You put more of your strength into your motions, quickly rewarded and feeling like you wanted to melt even more.

“I said there was no wrong way to do this, but I think you've found the exact right way to do it.” He said. “Keep having heaps of fun for me, yeah?”

You rocked your hips faster and harder. “Yes, Daddy.”

You didn't care about the time limit, you had no interest in holding yourself back. Your thighs clenched against him as you rode the waves of pleasure higher.

When you got an idea you didn't pause, wasting time on consideration. You simply started to bounce yourself on his ass, creating quick collisions that had you feeling more sensitive. You couldn't help the quiet whines that came with this.

“Oh, are you a bunny now? Bouncing around back there.” He observed.

“It’s almost like when my Master spanks my clit. But not as good.” You said before another whimper slipped out of your mouth. “But it’s still very good.”

You switched back to grinding before you could tire yourself out too much. You enjoyed this more sustained pressure on your clitoral hood and the warm tingles it made you feel. You grabbed for a handful of his shirt as you kept dragging your clitoris back-and-forth across his skin.

“You’re practically painting on me with all that cum.” He said and it was true that his butt was getting quite slick in your claimed path. “I’m gonna make you clean your desperate mess off of me with your tongue.”

“I’ll do it.” You said immediately.

“Yeah, I know you will.” He said.

You felt his body tense beneath yours, but you were too concentrated on your own tempo to put thought into what he was doing.

But you started paying attention when he arched his back to push his ass more firmly into you. This was followed by him matching your rhythm. He rocked back into you, giving the activity on your clitoral hood even more impact. You could feel how it rattled you, deep down at your core where it was inescapable.

You latched your other hand onto his side, gripping him here as your need became all-consuming. You gave everything to your rutting, trying to not slip off because your body was screaming out for the pleasure to continue.

“Do you like grinding on that ass, you needy little toy?” He asked. “You’re so desperate to get off and so fucking turned on, all without Daddy even touching you. I can go back to playing my game and you would probably come anyways.”

He picked up his phone and you saw Alchemy Stars on the screen again. There was something tantalising about having him partially ignoring you. You didn’t know why it appealed to you, making your heart thump harder in your chest.

You started to experience unpredictable twitches in your limbs and you acknowledged the pressure in you to simply fall apart. Your chest swelled as you relentlessly rolled your hips, the motion carried through to his body.

“Please, please…” You whispered between your ragged breaths. “Can you please pause the timer, please? Don’t let it- please pause it before it-... please?”

“That’s kind of going against the point of the timer, my little toy.” He said.

You huffed but you didn’t let your tempo suffer, you were going to keep at it for as long as you were allowed, drawing nearer to the release. “No, I know, but, please? I think I could come and- please?”

“Here I was thinking that you wanted to play a fair game.” He said, the teasing in his tone as appealing as it was frustrating. “And pausing and manipulating the timer definitely takes some of the fairness away.”

Again you acted on an idea without fully thinking it through. As you kept riding his butt, you looked to your side and how far the tower was from you.

Not too far, so you stuck your foot out. It connected with the stack and, with a loud noise, the Jenga tiles went flying. You managed to knock over all but the bottom two levels, smiling at the outcome - game over. He stopped writhing, but you weren’t willing to yet.

“Okay, I lost, now we can fuck.” You said cheerfully.

“God, you really are desperate, aren’t you?”

You put your hands up to his shoulders, instantly holding so tight. “Yes, please fuck your desperate kitty, Daddy.”

“Yep, we will.” He said and you stopped moving finally, wanting to conserve some energy. “But not on the bed.”

You began climbing off of him. “That’s fine.”

He propped himself up a little and pointed over to your carnage. “You’re going to lie down there.”

You walked on your knees across the floor, going to where the majority of the blocks seemed to have landed. Once close enough, you swept your arm out, pushing the tiles out of the way.

He interrupted before you could get most of the mess cleared. “Hey, when did I say you could move those?”

“But isn’t this where you told me to lay?” You asked.

“Yeah, you’re going to lie on top of the tiles.” He said and you just stared back at him, waiting for him to admit this was a joke. Instead he added to the idea. “You don’t get to sabotage the end of the game like that and just escape all punishment. That was naughty of you, toy. So take your punishment and lay on the tiles.”

You decided to take on his challenge. You didn’t think the discomfort would be a problem for very long - getting fucked was sure to be a strong enough distraction.

You grabbed the bottom of your shirt, taking it up and over your head, showing him just how willing you were. As he watched, you started to take your pants and underwear off.

You were feeling a little unsure, but also excited, this was the emotion you chose to show. You moved, lifting your butt. You got yourself closer-and-closer to the ruined stack, until you had no choice but to lower yourself onto it. You watched over your shoulder, seeing the disarray getting nearer.

The firm ridges pressed into you, at all different angles and in so many different spots. But you didn’t let that discourage you, putting more of your weight onto the blocks. Their edges dug into your skin even more, hints of disbelief in his expression at the sight.

You laid back, fully giving your body to this strange and unfamiliar feeling. On top of the uneven surface, you got yourself as flat as you possibly could. There were some gaps in the arrangement of blocks where your skin rested against only carpet - for an inch or two. But it wasn’t enough respite for you to feel comfort, you put the luxury of feeling comfortable out of your mind for now. It was the reward you could earn.

He ditched his shirt as he came closer. In the way he was looking at you, you could tell that he was impressed, and that felt better than lying on any bed. He looked at the space in front of him, making sure he didn’t put either of his knees down on top of the pieces. Meanwhile you focused your eyes on the front of his pants, his stiff dick straining against the material.

Before getting any closer, he pulled them down and you got to see his boner bounce free. Your breath came in quick as you watched him take the pants off, and keep them off.

He took a pause, looking at the assortment of tiles around your legs. He picked up some, tossing them out of the way so that no part of his body had to go on top of them.

He got himself positioned in between your parted legs and began to lean down. “Do you still like your Christmas present?”

“Mm-hmm, thank you for getting it for me, Daddy.” You said.

He started to climb on top of you, forcing you even harder into the rigid Jenga tiles. But you didn’t make any complaints, gladly letting your mouth become preoccupied with kisses.

You drew some comfort from how good his body felt on yours, enjoying that uninterrupted feeling of skin on skin. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as your tongue teased at his lips.

He began grinding into you and you were rushed with a sense of gratitude when you realised there was no timer on the verge of going off. There wasn’t any holding the passion back now. Your body was dominated by his, his moves purposeful and increasing the intensity.

You held onto him tighter when you felt his tip stretching your already aching pussy open. All of your excitement and those building sensitivities finally had focus.

He whined in response to your tongue coming into his mouth. You explored along the roof of his mouth as he eased more of his length inside of you. Quivers of anticipation started at your core as his hips drew nearer to yours. Your walls parting perfectly to accommodate him.

Feeling him buried in so deep brought a needy moan from you, it happened before you had the chance to worry about controlling your volume. With how receptive your pussy was, you didn’t really have the space in your mind to spare a thought for the world beyond this bedroom. Concerns that had felt so big and present were so easily dwarfed by the promise of more pleasure.

He brought an end to the kiss. And before you could possibly plan your next move, he placed his open palm over your lips. You opened your eyes as he kept his hand here.

“You’re very worked up. So I’m gonna hold my hand right here to keep you from getting carried away and embarrassing yourself, okay?” He said.

You nodded your head. He used his other hand to brace himself, placing it on the floor. Then he started to experiment with his range of motion, rutting into you, without much urgency at first. As he put more power into his movements, your body shifted, making the tiles move and drag a little. They clattered against one another, creating a strange kind of music.

He found the right way to move and the pumping of his hips gained consistency. He worked at a quick rhythm, your inner-walls fluttering in response to the stimulation.

You took your legs away from the rigid blocks, gaining a little relief by wrapping them around his waist. The rest of your body continued to experience the uncomfortable sensation, you were sure your skin would bare the marks of the tile’s edges for a few hours.

As you swung your hips with him, he was able to move deeper. You felt his swollen tip rubbing against your walls, taking your excitement to the next level.

It didn’t take long for you to match his tempo. You lifted your hips up higher-and-higher, getting your ass away from the hard Jenga pieces as well. It also served the purpose of giving his every plunge into you more impact.

You were making more noises behind his hand, a quiet whining as each thrust felt better than the last. You had started to shiver, getting truly overrun with these Heavenly sensations.

There was a different tone in his voice when he spoke next, but he was still in control enough to keep the volume low. “Letting me fuck you on these blocks ‘cause you’re just so fucking needy.” You nodded your head, eyes wide as you beheld the determination on his face. “I like it when you’re needy…

“It suits me really well…” He said, snapping his hips down harder between your legs. “‘Cause Daddy can take care of your needs better than anyone else ever could. And Daddy loves taking care of you, even when you’re naughty.”

His rhythm raced ahead of you, taking you by surprise. You were too floored by his energy to know how to match him at first. You kept your hips in motion, squirming through this escalation.

Now he was fucking into your g-spot, making you want to fall apart from your core. Your eyes rolled back, your release seemingly so close.

“Always gonna take care of you.” He said before his head dropped, resting on your shoulder as all of his energy went to that relentless snapping of his hips. “Always.”

As you stared up at the ceiling, stars came into your vision, changing the appearance of the paint. You wanted to plead with him to let you have the orgasm. But with so many other things demanding your attention, it was hard to think and you couldn’t figure out how to do that with his hand still held over your mouth.

“Always, alw…” His word transformed into a whine, a desperate sound just for you.

His next strokes into you were accompanied by a feeling of extra heat in your cunt. He was starting to unload, more cum drawn out of him with every movement.

You started to disappear into your release, overcome beyond anything else. You soared, forgetting about the tile’s edges making your skin sting in certain places. You were flooded by only pleasurable sensations as you writhed between him and the Jenga pieces.

“Okay, okay, okay…” He said, sounding a little breathless as he took his hand off of your face and rocked his body weight back. “Get up from that shit, I can’t believe you-...” He sat back on the ground and grabbed for your hands.

With his help, you sat up, the tiles noisily shifting beneath you, digging in anew. But you weren’t paying the feeling much attention, not while you were still feeling the giddiness of your orgasm.

You climbed off of all of the uneven blocks, going to the safety of your boyfriend. You placed yourself in his lap and he put his arms around you.

You looked back over your shoulder. “Did I fuck up any of the stickers?”

“Oh my God, I do not even slightly care about that right now. I just need to make sure you’re okay.” He said.

You turned your head to look at him, but he had already extended his neck, his head held so that he could look at your back. “Of course I am, what are you talking about?”

“The blocks didn’t hurt you too bad?” He asked, his fingers hovering near the short lines scattered across your back.

“No, it didn’t feel good, it sucked, actually. But it wasn’t so bad, it wasn’t getting-a-tattoo level of pain.” You said.

“Okay.”

You readjusted and put your hands up on his face, directing him to look at you. “I promise that I’m fine. That was a lot of fun.”

A smile began on his lips. “It was, wasn’t it?”

In the echo of all of that energy, you stayed attached to one another. You discussed each of your favourite parts of the scene, its effects could still be felt through your body. You told him which tiles you wished had been pulled and he reassured you that a follow-up round would be played once you were home.

Your request for aftercare was very simple: sleep. He agreed that he was feeling quite tired now, willing to give falling asleep another attempt. There were no more complaints about having no sheep to count.

The relief that you felt when your body reached the mattress was a little unreal. The comfort flooded you immediately and you were so grateful as all of those bad sensations fled from you.

You were the little spoon and he turned the lamp off, no longer needing to look at the temporary marks on your back.

Your eyes travelled to the nearby window and you lifted your head from the pillow. “Shit, the sun is literally starting to come up.”

“Shh, just close your eyes, you won’t even see it.” He said and he placed a hand over your eyes.

»»————-　♡　————-««

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