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#HOW IS THIS EVEN L'S FAULT?????????
NOW SHE'S TRYING TO KILL LIGHT????????
L IS VERY SAD ABOUT HIS FRIEND ;A; srsly tho shout out to that actor, he's putting his entire L-ussy into his performance, good for him!!! (pls pronounce it 'ell-ussy' it sounds better that way)
i wonder if im meant to be taking light's part in the film??? he's a wishy-washy snivelling little coward, so im not really. doing that 👀👀👀 i DO like that everyone ELSE is a lot more passionate about murder than he is tho!!! both mia AND L actually WANT to murder ppl for fun and profit OR to avenge a dead friend. they have actual motives and desires and strong feelings!!!!!
meanwhile the king of the incels is going back and forth so much u never even know what he actually WANTS... he just. hasn't got much of. anything really. he's just sort of there. very bland and boring. his high pitched screams are funny tho!!!
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xxylan · 2 months
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i need him i fear
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kyouka-supremacy · 3 months
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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things-methinks · 3 months
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Chat, what are the thoughts on Lando's statement about texting with Max and sorting this out
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isekyaaa · 4 months
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But on the other hand, a psychological horror fanfiction of That's Not My Neighbor in which you are the doorman and a certain entity becomes obsessed with making your life a living hell.
#story ideas#i just can't get out of my mind a scene where like....#it's already at the end of your shift and the last person comes to the window#it's someone you already let in though so you assume it's a doppelganger#but upon giving this person a look over you begin to realize with horror that there's nothing wrong with this person#they have everything right#and if that is the case.......#w h o w a s t h e p e r s o n y o u l e t i n ?#i can't imagine sitting there realizing that everyone will die and it's all your fault#you let in the real person and you just sit there with your face in your hands ready to let death come#but the evening passes... and the next morning comes.... and life goes on as usual#nobody is dead#but you definitely let in both the imposter and the real person#so where did the doppelganger go?#and then you start overthinking everything#is the doppelganger still in the building? did it kill anyone? and if so who was replaced?#are this person's eyes too big? was her hair always like that? was his hat always that specific shade of gray?#eventually you realize that this is all just a game to the imposter#it's seeing you slowly go insane and is loving each and every single moment of it#and when your mind finally breaks from the abject fear and guilt it has built up within you brick by brick...?#that's when you'll taste your sweetest#i also could totally make this into a yandere like thing where it wants to keep you alive#that's an option too haha#idk how to write psychological or horror or yandere tho so like....... it'll be a first for me
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"Crowley's actually a girl's name" hit me like a truck
Gomens and other similar pieces of media can only wish to have the absolute insanity of BBC johnlock tbh
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bipherpol · 1 year
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i have come to the alarming realization that i cannot do cp9+asl fic on the grounds that them being siblings means that cp9 probably would teach all three of them what they know and can you imagine those three idiots with the stupid cipher pol six powers skills
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Ok so like.....*sigh*
So like in the show he basically asks her to marry him and she says yes, and they're both like "Promise? Promise!" but she keeps fucking conveniently remembering and forgetting "the promise to mother" like I know he's intoxicating af and it's hard to hold a thought around this man (I also have a very hard time holding a thought looking at him), but pick a goddamn side and have a backbone about it ffs!! Like you can't waffle on people like this girl!! You literally sat here and engaged yourself to this man and then you go off and do THAT???
I would like to note that so far in the (very drastically different) novel, there is no such promise ever made, and she fucks off to the steppe because she's mad at Ning Yi thinking the whole entire time he had just been cozying up as part of a plot to kill her so leaving bought her time, space, and a power base to fight back and he just eats the misunderstanding like "????? fine, come and kill me when you're ready, at least I'll get to see you again, I am ok with this." which makes a bit more sense tbh.
In a loooot a lot of ways, the tv show is about 1000x more polished than the book, but at least the book has fewer slaps in the face like this. They become a bit more obvious on rewatch, especially after pawing through the novel. (I hope the translator finishes it someday!! They picked it up again this past may after two years of nothing so here's hoping!)
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thesundanceghost · 1 year
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I am little confused as to where this sudden distaste for the “third act misunderstanding” trope came from like… I don’t know I think you have to admit that it’s like a classic storytelling device……… to introduce conflict or another twist to keep the plot driving forward and provide a new obstacle to give the story another dimension??
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pallas-cat · 1 year
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..
too long for tags so vent under cut lmfao
idk how people can understand how daunting it is to like
sit on the verge of a more and more plausible serious mental illness diagnosis
one that at least a few professionals mentioned without ever like officially saying it and not knowing what to do in the meantime bar be terrified of what it does because cluster Bs in general get downright demonized and god knows me feeling any single emotion is either
1. an exaggeration of my fault and smth i should learn to manage rightfully (which is obv understandable and i try to take accountability)
2. me being fucking normal and daring to be negative and angry in a normal way but having an entire fucking repressed entourage of people (my family <3)
and the thing is i'm still not too great at knowing when it's one or the other
and like it's not just the adhd it's not just the anxiety it's a more sinister aspect of what i am and i want to get rid of it so bad lest it hurts people
like the worst it has done so far is me snapping at people at times
but what if all the harm i do to myself bubbles up even further i just don't like what i'm doing and i don't like how i lost control of that!
i swear im not throwing a pity party im just like reflecting a lot because i just hate being so wired wrong despite things objectively going alright after me doing a somewhat non-consequential fuck-up
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[talk of CSA, grooming, human trafficking, sex trafficking, victim-blaming and apologism for all of the above cw. i will be on about these books' bullshit @ five until the day i die and it just keeps getting worse lmao]
i hate the narrative's half-assed attempt at giving ethan a retroactive redemption arc for a lot of reasons, and one of them is that like. five is literally, non-metaphorically a survivor of human trafficking. he was just passed on to an alien cult instead of the kind of people he'd have ended up with in the real world. and that is before you add in the blatant, BLATANT thinly veiled metaphor for sex trafficking in specific.
(fun game: go through just about any scene of his that mentions power or importance once ethan comes in, and replace it with sex, sexuality, and being attractive/desirable. bring one bucket to heave into and another full of bleach for your eyeballs. enjoy!)
and like, there's so much to unpack here. so much! but the fact that these books try to make you feel more compassion for--try to get you to absolve of WAY more guilt--a sex trafficker who did it for his own gain, and to save his own skin, than the child we watched him traffic is just utterly, breathtakingly magical
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mefilas · 9 months
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I am being cursed by a spiteful ghost but the curse is just that all of my teammates in splatoon are the dumbest shits ever put on this planet
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suguae · 7 months
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Haunted
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Toji cannot move on, until he realized too late.
Warnings: Angst, slightest fluff (reader and baby 'gumi moment)
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You were just a girl, standing in front of a man, asking him to love you.
How hard was that for him? Yes, he wasn’t good with his words but he wasn’t good at anything else either. He was just there.
Maybe because the woman he truly loved—he was still mourning over her. His sad eyes every time he watched an old couple dance together, wishing he had been doing that but with her. The cute babies babble with their mothers as Megumi babbles with his father, how he wished his wife was still here instead of you. He never said it, but that’s what it felt like. 
And perhaps that's what it was. 
Sometimes he curses himself out when he accidentally calls you his wife's name. During intimate times only. You tried—trying to keep the emotions in as if it wasn’t breaking every part of you, was the hardest part. “Look he’s walking...” You smiled at the dark haired baby who was walking towards you. Toji smiled, making sure he’d record every second of it; deep down he wished his wife was the one the baby was walking towards instead of you.
And it was wrong—so wrong. 
“This relationship, I’m with you but Toji—Toji this is the loneliest I’ve ever felt.” You whispered while he ate his leftovers, his brows still furrowed from the argument occurring earlier. Having Toji work from 9–5 wasn’t the best but good thing he had you, helping him out with so much. Picking up groceries, picking up his lovely son—until you mentioned that one of his teachers mistaken you as his biological mother. That right there was enough to make Toji angry for weeks at least.
But not this time.
He stopped chewing on his food after you spoke, waiting for more of an explanation. Which you figured he needed, “I don’t think you’re in love with me–” 
“I like you [name], a lot.” He cleared his throat. He leaned back on his chair as his arms crossed waiting for you to continue the sentence he interrupted. 
Right, he liked you a lot. These three rough years you’ve been dating Toji—that particular l word was never uttered once, not even if he was drunk, or having a special moment with you. You huffed trying to find the right words for Toji to understand. That was until little Megumi started crying from his room. “I’ll try to put him back to sleep, finish eating.” He watched as your fragile little body sulked its way to Megumi’s room.
He knew this was gonna happen, he knew you were bound to leave him sooner or later. 
You smiled as you opened the door to see the little Megumi standing on top of his little bed. His hands wiping his tears as he ran towards you, his arms now wrapping around your legs. “Sleep with mama and papa.” He cried out as you leaned down to pick up the little boy. “[name] and papa, not mama okay?” You corrected him, if Toji were to find out that he had been calling you that, then that argument would’ve climaxed.
The little boy nodded, his tears now gone as you swayed him around. “Sleep with you.” He mumbled, leaning his head on your shoulder as he played with a strand of your hair. “Just for tonight.” You whispered, watching Megumi pick up his head and smile. Content with your answer. 
Toji’s heart could just swell at the sight. You treated his son as if he was your own and nothing looked so much better right now, except for the fact that he wished it was his wife.
Megumi was now soundly sleeping between you and Toji, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” His eyes shut tightly hearing those piercing words leave your mouth. It hurt when his wife left him, but this hurt was different—different because he knew it was coming yet he didn’t want to do anything about it. 
“I’m sorry—”
“You don’t need to be the one apologizing.” He watched your soft gaze stare at completely nothing. He was confused, this was his fault. He never treated you how you needed deserved to be treated. “It was my fault for throwing myself at a man who simply was not ready.”
The next morning was silent—baby ‘gumi was confused at the saddened look on your face. Constantly walking up to you asking if you were okay. He was still just a baby, yet he read the room so well. “I’m sure we can work this out—” Toji now sitting next to you on the couch, some cartoon playing in the back as Megumi’s little head sat on your lap. “You’re not ready, Toji.” You nodded, eyes still glued on the tv as if it was meant for you and not the little Megumi. 
“And how are you so sure—”
“Tell me you love me then.” Your eyes are now fixed on Toji’s. It was hard, he felt as if his mouth had been glued shut. You sigh, bringing your gaze back to the tv, “I love you—but it’s hard when it’s one sided Toji.” 
It hurt much more, seeing you drive away as the clueless Megumi waved you out. Poor thing thinks you’re simply going to the store. The house that once felt like home was so dull now. Toji sat little ‘gumi down on the couch. 
His constant, “mama?” or “[name]?” while he kept his gaze on the door every so often. Nothing prepared Toji for this. Megumi cried that he wanted to sleep with his mama and papa, his heart swelled knowing that he had been talking about you.
You were gone, just like his wife. But it hurt—it hurt so much more knowing that you’re alive trying your best to…move on. He stayed up late that same night, stumbling upon a video from two years ago. When Megumi first learned how to walk. You and Toji had just started dating but the look of happiness plastered your face as you watched the little baby walking. 
That was one thing Toji never forgot about, how much you loved kids. Telling him how once you had kids of your own you would finally be able to live in peace. How he heard of it less and less as the years went on, he wonders if you still think that.
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sorenlionheart · 9 months
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when i look back at my t/oh hyperfixation i do find it a little surprising i kept up with the show past season 1, not to say the show is bad but it went in a different direction than what i expected for better or for worse
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thewispsings · 3 months
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two people that matched each others freak | max verstappen
pairing: max verstappen x teammate!reader
summary: max verstappen and y/n l/n love to match each others freak.
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liked by, carlossainz, maxverstappen1, redbullracing and 692,028 others!
yourusername: what an unfortunate series of events. first crash kinda nervous 🥰🥰@/carlossainz kill yourself for what you did to me.
view comments below!
user1: LMAO THE CASUAL SELFIE AFTER THAT BIG ASS CRASH ??
user2: carlos deserves way more then a 5 place penalty after that…
user3: no literally ??? y/n is literally BLEEDING !!
maxverstappen1: yeah @/carlossainz. KILL YOURSELF.
user4: you tell ‘em max 🗣️🗣️
user5: queens first crash and it’s not even her fault 😞😞
user6: queens first crash and she almost DIES
user7: carlos hate club reunite !!!
user8: oh let’s not…
user9: to quote y/n: “accidents happen. i know carlos didn’t get into his car with the intention of hurting me. there’s no hard feelings whatsoever.”
carlossainz: IM SO SORRY Y/N.
yourusername: i only take apologies in cash and gift cards xx.
maxverstappen: i only take apologies in cash.
carlossainz: why would i apologize to you?
maxverstappen1: because you almost killed my bestfriend.
carlossainz: do you accept venmo?
user8: max still calling y/n his bestfriend even tho they’ve been dating for two years now is so ??
user9: they were bestfriends for 6 years before that so..
charles_leclerc: give us a big scare there l/n 😬 happy you’re okay!
yourusername: thank you charles ❤️ but because you are carlos teammate, i feel like i am also owed compensation from you as well.
maxverstappen1: yeah leclerc! pay up!!
charles_leclerc: text me the amount 😞
user10: i love how max just goes along with everything y/n says???
user11: we love a man who matches his gfs freak ❤️❤️
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liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz, redbullracing, and 720,629 others!
maxverstappen1: thank you to @/charles_leclerc and @/carlossainz for funding our date night 💙
view comments below!
user12: NO WAY
user13: CARLOS AND CHARLES ACTUALLY SENT THEM THE MONEY ???
user14: this is so cute 🥹
user15: yns so pretty 🙁
maxverstappen1: the prettiest 💙💙
user16: i just looked at my bf and sighed
charles_leclerc: ofc!! cute couple 🥰🥰
user17: charles definitely has a favorite couple
user18: y/n, my favorite nerd
user19: max, my favorite nerd lover
user20: perfect couple
user21: i have a theory that y/n and max are so happy together because they genuinely compliment each other so well
user21: they literally clicked as soon as they met, and they have said that “they feel at home” with each other, they can be their true selves when they’re together
user21: conclusion; i’m lonely and i wish i had a relationship like this
carlossainz: you’re welcome ig. am i forgiven now?
yourusername: we’ll see!
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liked by 284,029 others!
f1gossip: throwback thursday!!! throwback to when max and y/n broke the internet, by announcing they were both no longer virgins..through cake.
view comments below!
user22: oh yes the good old days
user23: been matching each others freak since DAY ONE
user24: back when ynstappen was still not OFFICIALLY confirmed
user25: you should throwback to when max refused to resign with red bull until they gave y/n a multi-year contract ☺️☺️
user26: this was a CRAZY day for f1
user27: this connected the dots for all the ynstappen shippers because they basically confirmed they lost their virginity to EACHOTHER!!
user28: did we ever find out who’s idea this was?
user29: a couple months ago it was brought up and max spoke: “i know lots of people think it was yns idea..but it was actually mine. i guess i was just tired to hiding our relationship, so i brought it up, and y/n thought it was hilarious.”
user30: my parents ☝️☝️
user31: from teammates, to friends, to bestfriends, to lovers. living my dream.
user32: them.
user33: if they breakup i will genuinely never believe in love ever again.
user34: them becoming bestfriends was so unexpected, but made so much sense.
user35: if it weren’t for the ice cream shop they never would have happened ☹️
user36: pls explain?
user35: this is when y/n and max had just started the season as teammates, max hadnt performed his best at one of the races, coming in at 6th with y/n behind in 7th
user35: after the race, y/n had unexpectedly asked max to go get ice cream with her at a ice cream shop nearby
user35: max, feeling like he didn’t deserve to celebrate in anyway, declined. but y/n persisted, basically pulling him into that ice cream shop
user35: that’s when max said he truly had the time of his life, he felt happy, even though his race went horrible, he said that he has so much fun with yn and that he has never laughed so hard; the start of ynstappen ☹️
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liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing, landonorris, and 729,624 others!
yourusername: siri, play nasty by tinahe.
view comments below!
maxverstappen1: listening to it right now!
maxverstappen1: oh wow
maxverstappen1: i like this liefde!! 💙💙
maxverstappen1: come to the room so we can listen together!!
yourusername: coming!! 💙💙
landonorris: you are aware you can text privately right?
user36: THE ICE CREAM SHOP PICTURE
user37: he looks so happy 😭😭😭😭
user38: sobs
user39: y/n healing maxs inner child is something i KNEW i needed.
user40: power couple !!!
danielricciardo: i been a nasty girl, i been a nasty girl
user41: i need someone to love me like max loves y/n
landonorris: whos gonna match my freak 😣
user58: ME I WILL PLS LANDO I WILL
user42: the first picture?? 😭😭
user43: omg the second picture. i’m going to throw up with joy. i love you guys.
user44: ynstappen ships used to PRAY for days like these.
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liked by, yourusername, redbullracing, danielricciardo, and 829,924 others!
maxverstappen1: i’ll match her freak!!! i will !!!
view comments below!
user45: yes max, we know
user46: i just looked at my boyfriend and sighed
user47: the shirt???
maxverstappen1: @/danielricciardo thank you for the shirt :D i love it 💙
user48: i’m totally ready for max to wear that shirt on race day…
yourusername: the perfect photographer 🥰
maxverstappen1: it’s easy when my muse is perfect ☺️☺️
user49: that SHOULD BE ME.
user50: con🥹gra🥹tula🥹tions
user51: no one will ever understand how much i love this couple
user52: we love a man who matches his gfs energy ❗️❗️❗️
user53: so happy for you guys! haha. ha. ha. so happy.
charles_leclerc: beautiful shirt mate!
user54: the way charles and max still don’t follow each other but this is charles every time max post:
user55: oh! such a cute shirt! haha, ha, i’m so lonely.
user56: max could do better
maxverstappen1: kill yourself you worthless piece of garbage
user57: y’all saying you miss mad max but he makes an appearance every time someone says something negative about y/n 😭
. . .
notes: took a small break to enjoy my summer break start!! but i’m back, request are open !!
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peachesofteal · 3 months
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Through Me (The Flood) - secret baby fic Simon Riley / female reader - 18+ fantasy smut, description of a threesome, hospital/medical jargon request: team dinner, sick fic, someone drops the L word
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"Cannae get over the size of the lad."
Orion's got a fist curled around Johnny's fingers, trying and failing to pull them into his mouth.
"I know." You roll your eyes, inclining your head towards Simon. "Are you really surprised though?"
Everyone laughs. Simon warms.
You've broken out of your shell, piece by piece over the course of dinner, shyly getting to know everyone, watching their banter and usual bullshit.
He wasn't sure it was possible, but the way you tease Soap makes him love you even more.
"No, suppose not." Soap laughs, and you smile at him, full and bright, so cute he could tug you into his lap right here in front of his entire team, spread you wide for them to see, show them how much of a good girl you are. How perfect you are, how you cum on his fingers, how tight your pussy squeezes. Of course, he'd never let Johnny or Kyle touch you, too much inexperience, too much raw energy, but his captain-
he'd help you take John's cock. Hold your back to his chest, pull your knees up towards your ears. You'd whine and cry and he'd lick your tears, telling you how pretty you are with his captain's fat cock in your belly, reaching down to rub your clit and spread his fingers over where you're stretched.
It's fantasy. Nothing more. He's shared girls with John in the past, but the things they did as younger men are in the past, where they belong. They’re both too possessive, obsessive, and neither could bear it.
You'll never know another man again.
"Okay," Cami claps, pulling his attention, "Pie?"
"I'll help." You push your chair back, leaning over to press a kiss against Orion's cheek, and then stand, brow crinkled, slowly blinking.
Everything in Simon goes cold, muscles tensing. Something is wrong. He calls your name, but you don't respond. "Hey, hey mama-" In a split second, he hands the baby to Soap, turning back just in time to see your legs buckling, falling towards the edge of the table, where Price leaps from his seat, catching you with a forearm.
Chairs scrape, Cami shouts, Gaz starts dialing as you're lowered to the floor, his captain's fingers firm under your jaw. "Pulse is elevated." Nausea roars, skull pressurizing as Simon drops to his knees at your side, holding your face between his hands. He says your name, says it over and over, desperation and fear cracking the syllables, splitting them wide. You're breathing, but your heart is racing, triple a normal rhythm.
This is his fault. He should have pushed you harder to see a specialist, should have paid better attention, should have taken better care of-
Orion starts to cry.
"They're on their way." Gaz tells the room calmly, level head prevailing. It jolts Simon, orients him, pulls him out of a dreadful spiral and back to the needs at hand. He holds onto it, composure barely a shred as he strokes his thumb across the apple of your cheek, counting your breaths, gaze locked on the rise and fall of your chest.
"It's okay," he says, hoping somewhere behind your closed eyes, you can hear him, "it's gonna be alright, honey. I'm here, 'm right here."
Time passes in a blur, everything happening too quickly and all at once, medics arriving, flat keys passing to Gaz and Cami, who offer to take Orion home and stay there for as long as needed, John and Soap promising they'll meet him at the hospital as you're loaded into the back of the ambulance, Simon stepping in behind.
"She's gonna be alright, LT." Johnny yells right before the doors close, confidence in his eyes. It's hopeful, and firm, and Simon clings to it as they race down the road, unable to look away from where you lay with an oxygen mask fitted over your nose and mouth, monitors beeping too quickly in the foreground on the sirens.
"Mr Riley?" He turns from his pacing on a dime, registering the subtle jerk from the nurse before her expression turns placid. "Your wife is conscious, we've admitted her for some testing. Would you like to see her?"
"Yes." He croaks, looking over his shoulder at Johnny and Price, who give him a serious nod. Testing. Admitted. Christ. "What happened? Is she..." he loses his words, fear seizing his lungs yet again, before he manages a breath, "is she going to be okay?" They come to a stop in front of a room, and the nurse gives him a sympathetic smile.
"She's conscious, heart rate down to a healthy bpm. The cardiologist will be by shortly to discuss everything with you." It's a non answer, building frustration in the pit of his stomach, but he nods. "Found him!" She announces as she opens the door, and you smile from across the room.
He's never closed a distance so fast in his life.
"Hey-" He covers your mouth with his, hand on the back of your head. He was supposed to protect you, keep you safe, and look where you are. "Whoa." You whisper, and he shakes his head.
"Scared me to death."
"I'm sorry. I d-don't... I don't know what's wrong." Your voice creaks, breaking on a thick note, and he pulls a chair as close as he can manage up to the bed, holding onto your hand.
"It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay. We're gonna figure it out, alright?" You nod, lower lip rolling, trembling, and he wants to wrap you up, rip himself open and bury you inside his heart, hidden away from everything, anything that could hurt you, even your own body.
"Orion?"
"Went home with Kyle and Cami. They'll stay as long as we need them." You sniffle, tear spilling down your cheek. He feels sick.
"Shhh, you're alright, mama."
"I'm scared." You're crying now, trying to wipe your face with trembling fingers.
"I know. I know you are, but it's going to be okay. I'm here, 'm gonna make sure you're taken care of. Take a breath f'me," your inhale is shaky, but you manage it, and he smiles encouragingly, "that's it- good."
The knock on the door comes a few seconds later, and Simon swallows everything threatening to upend him as the doctor steps in the room. It's okay. It's okay.
"Mrs Riley?" You manage a raised eyebrow in Simon's direction, and he gives you a small smile. Best to not get into it. You clear your throat.
"That's... me."
"A what?"
"A tilt table test. It's the most accurate test for diagnosing POTS." You're nervous, Simon can tell, glancing continually at him, who is latched onto every word coming from the doctor's mouth.
"What... how does it work?"
"We lay you flat on a table, and then after a few minutes, tilt you directly upright. At the same time, we track your heart rate with an ECG, and your blood pressure with a cuff. If the tilt doesn't trigger the response, we usually start an IV to give you a little bit of medicine which can provoke the response so to speak, if needed." You gulp.
"Is it safe?" Simon grits, the idea of you strapped to table with wires and an IV making his head spine.
"Very safe," the doctor reassures patiently, "the test has little risk of complications." You squeeze Simon's hand, and he squeezes back. I'm here.
"Okay, let's... let's do it then."
The test takes too long. Every minute, every second you're not within eye sight breaks him down, threatens to derail his level head.
By the time you’re back in the room, he’s resumed pacing, hand rubbing the back of his neck raw.
“Hi.” You smile. You seem… better. More relaxed, less scared. It soothes him.
“Hey mama. Everything go alright?”
“I fainted during the test.” You whisper, and he brings your hand to his lips.
“That’s alright.”
It’s POTS. More severe than a standard case, the doctor says, explaining how an off label side effect of a specific medication helps treat the condition. In addition, he goes over things that may exacerbate it, caffeine, alcohol, stress, and promises you can still breastfeed on the medicine and resume normal activity.
There’s a plan. A treatment. An answer, and Simon likes that. He likes knowing the path ahead, how to better care for you, how to make sure you’re supported, and you’re more comfortable too, happy to know there’s an end in sight for your symptoms.
What started as a terrifying experience ends as an okay one, and when the two of you relieve Gaz and Cami at home, he can’t help but pull you into his body, Orion snuggled in your arms.
“Want to tell me what that Mrs. Riley thing was about?” He shrugs as nonchalantly as he can muster.
“I love you, mama, and you’re going to be my wife. Might as well get you used to the name sooner rather than later.” He doesn’t miss your sharp intake breath, the shiver cascading over your skin.
Your head tips back, lips parted, and he kisses you long and slow, holding you tight, safe in his arms.
Where you belong.
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