#and the writers may bite my Entire ass for trying to act like it was anything but fully deserved when he got the L handed to him anyway

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

[talk of CSA, grooming, human trafficking, sex trafficking, victim-blaming and apologism for all of the above cw. i will be on about these books' bullshit @ five until the day i die and it just keeps getting worse lmao]

i hate the narrative's half-assed attempt at giving ethan a retroactive redemption arc for a lot of reasons, and one of them is that like. five is literally, non-metaphorically a survivor of human trafficking. he was just passed on to an alien cult instead of the kind of people he'd have ended up with in the real world. and that is before you add in the blatant, BLATANT thinly veiled metaphor for sex trafficking in specific.

(fun game: go through just about any scene of his that mentions power or importance once ethan comes in, and replace it with sex, sexuality, and being attractive/desirable. bring one bucket to heave into and another full of bleach for your eyeballs. enjoy!)

and like, there's so much to unpack here. so much! but the fact that these books try to make you feel more compassion for--try to get you to absolve of WAY more guilt--a sex trafficker who did it for his own gain, and to save his own skin, than the child we watched him traffic is just utterly, breathtakingly magical

[afriendlyblackhottie]

In Like

Summary: You go to the batting cages with Frank, Mary, and your Aunt Roberta. Of course when no ones around Frank can’t keep his hands to himself. A continuation of Crush.

Pairings: Frank Adler x Black!Reader

Warnings: 18+, smut, unprotected sex, daddy kink, degradation, public sex, sex in a bathroom

(A/N: in the mood for my baby emo dirty boat daddy Frank. Trying to work through the writers block. Unedited and not proofread in the slightest. Like, follow, Reblog 💜 ✌🏾)

Tagging: @titty-teetee @zaddychris @queenoftheworldisdead @olyvoyl @liquorlaughslove @mariahthelioness29 @donutloverxo @little-baby-vixen @mochamaniacbabe @whiskey-cokenfanfic @brattycherubwrites @iam-laiya @love-more122 @doloreshazes (it wouldn’t let me tag you)

——————————————————————————

You and Frank had been trying to be careful sneaking around ever since you hooked up in his car. Of course he’d taken you home to fuck you properly after, but that morning when you left you had to sneak out so that Mary wouldn’t see you. Having to crawl out of a window was a little weird and something you’d never had to do. You got it though. He didn’t want to confuse her.

There were a lot of stolen kisses and him grabbing your tits when no one was looking. The weekly sleepovers Mary had with Roberta were reserved for you. Sometimes you hung out at Ferg’s on those nights you’d fuck in his car before he’d take you back to his place to dick you down just right.

You still came over and played with Mary as usual. It was fun being around the small girl. Especially when she stopped pretending like she wasn’t have the time of her life playing with Barbies with you. You hated to admit it, but you were growing kind of attached.

Clearly it was the same way because this morning, there’d been a little knock on your door. When you’d opened it the small blonde girl was looking up at you with so much excitement in her eyes.

“Hi, Miss Y/N!” She greeted you, hugging your leg for good measure. Frank was standing behind her looking way too good in his white t-shirt. The little baseball hat sitting on his head was so cute.

“Hi, Mary.” You hugged her back, patting the top of her head. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“Can you come to the batting cages with us?” She asked with her head tilted to the side.

You scrunched up your face. “Eh, I dunno. I’m not much of an athlete.”

“Please?” She pouted up at you. “Roberta’s coming, too.”

You sighed. “So what you’re really saying is that I have no choice.”

“That’s exactly what we’re saying,” Frank said with a smirk.

“Besides Frank can teach you,” she said before grabbing your hand. “So, come on!”

You laughed, not budging. “Sounds good, but I have to change first.”

Frank shrugged. “You look good to me.” Of course he’d say that while you’re in these little cutoff shorts.

You raised an eyebrow as he smirked. “Fine. Just let me grab my bag.”

Mary chatted with Roberta in the backseat on the car ride over. You’d steal glances at Frank as he drove because for very obvious reasons. Like him being hot as fuck especially in this beat up truck. Or the fact that ever since that night, the two of you had been hooking up in this truck every chance you could get.

It was pretty fun watching Frank help Mary with the bat while Roberta was in her own cage swinging away. “Your turn,” Mary said.

You groaned. “Do I have to?”

“Of course,” she said with a grin. “C’mon.”

“Yeah. I’ll teach you,” Frank said, motioning with his head for you to come to him.

You groaned, but maybe it would be kind of nice to be a little closer to him. The closest you could be to him with Mary and Roberta around at least. So you sighed all dramatically before standing up. “Alright.”

As you took Mary’s place with the bat, Frank stood behind you with both his hands on either side of your waist. “You ready?” He asked, being sneaky with how he was massing your sides.

“Uh huh,” you said as he put his hands over yours.

“You gonna listen to every Daddy tells you?” He whispered into your ear.

You gasped and turned around to smack his stomach. He laughed. “What! I’m trying to help!”

You shook your head and glared at him before turning around back in your position. He moved his hands back to where they were before. Then kicked your legs apart with his foot so your stance was wider.

You hit the first ball and jumped and got all excited about it. Frank chuckled before going back to how he was before behind you, pressing a little too closely into your ass. This is how you stayed with him trying to flirt in your ear. You ignored him most of the time not wanting to draw to much attention in with your aunt or Mary.

“Alright, Mary’s hungry. You mind if I take her to get some food, Frank?” Roberta asked.

“That’s fine. Here let me give you some money,” he said getting out his wallet. While he handled them, you waited.

As soon as they walked away he went back to helping you. This time tickling your neck as he kissed it repeatedly.

“Frank,” you squealed, letting out a giggle. “Stop.”

“Just happy to finally get you alone,” he said, giving your boobs a good squeeze.

“Stop!” You giggled. “What if someone comes?”

“No ones here,” he said. “Just us.” His breath felt so good against your ear. It was making your stomach tingle.

“So,” you said.

“So,” he said, turning you to face him. “If I wanted to kiss you, I could.”

You sighed, biting your lip. “I just don’t think that’d be a good idea.”

“Why not?” He asked, getting closer to your lips.

“Someone could come at any minute.”

“I don’t give a fuck who sees,” he said before bringing you close so he could place a kiss on your lips.

You moaned into it as he pulled you closer. When he deepened it, pushing you until your back against the fencing. “Frank,” you whispered, breaking away from him.

“Whose Frank? I don’t know a Frank.” He looked up as he tried to play.

You glared at him, but laughed. “Fine. Daddy.”

“That’s better.” He grinned. “What is it?”

You sighed. “Is this a good idea?”

Frank groaned, rolling his eyes all dramatically. “I don’t even care.”

You hadn’t talked about being exclusive yet. So that kind of surprised you. Before you could ask him anything further he kissed you again. Then lifted your leg to wrap around his waist.

You pulled away from him again. You pushed him away by his broad shoulders. Before going back to where you’d been before. “What? We’re here to play baseball.”

Frank laughed before going back too. “You’re really gonna be like that?”

“I’m not being like anything.” You giggled.

“You’re being a brat. I should spank you,” he whispered in your ear.

It was like your entire body clenched hearing him talk to you like that. You hated to admit it, but you kind of perked up your ass to get him close. It felt so damn good.

“See you nasty slut. I knew you liked it,” he said, wrapping his arms around your waist. His hands coming to tease the button of your shorts.

This time you didn’t stop him as he finished that. Undoing your shorts and starting to creep into your panties. “Daddy,” you moaned.

“See. Stop trying to play all innocent and shit,” he said all low into your ear. His voice raspy and slow. “Remember you’re my dirty little slut.”

As soon as he started rubbing your clit you gasped. Moving your hips back against him with the bat in your hands. You turned to look up at him where he reconnected your lips.

The feeling of him this close to you so out in the open felt so good. “Daddy,” you gasped. You leaned into him and you leaned back to put your head against his shoulder.

“What a good girl,” he said in a whisper.

You started beathing all heavy. Getting really into what he was doing to you. Your breasts heaving as you started to feel your orgasm.

The only problem was that you were knocked out of your trance when the door to the gate besides yours slammed. You jumped up and Frank quickly removed his fingers from your sensitive clit. 

You hurried to button your shorts up again. At the same time, he checked to see if the coast was clear. Before he could say anything, you moved passed him. “Where you going?” He asked.

“Bathroom,” you replied as you gathered your stuff.

He sighed and shook his head. “Alright. I’ll start packing things up.” He sighed.

As you were in the little single bathroom you were kind of prepping yourself on what to say to Frank. On how you were supposed to even act around him now that you knew he may have wanted more. Not that you didn’t. You’d love more. That didn’t stop you from feeling all nervous and worried though.

As you opened the door to see him standing there, you furrowed your eyebrows. Wearing your confusion on your face. He looked you up and down before pushing you back into it.

“Frank, what are you-“

But before you could even finish asking him, he’d pushed his lips to yours. He slid his hand into your back pocket as he closed the door behind him. He turned you around in his arms, bending you over the sink.

The first smack he put on your ass you jumped like you were trying to get away from him. There was no choice, but to take what he wanted. “What did we just talk about, Baby? What’s my name?”

You whimpered, “You’re my daddy.”

“Good little girl,” he said before kissing you again as he started to tear your shorts down your legs along with your panties.

He bent you over as he started to take himself out of his clothes. “See that’s not so hard is it? Forget it again and you’ll,” he hissed as he got behind you, taking your hips in his hands, “really regret it.”

“What are you gonna do to me?” You asked him as you looked at him through the mirror. Sure this wasn’t the most romantic place, but you were too far gone to give a shit.

He answered by pushing into you. Slamming his cock in your already wet cunt. Making you cry out before he could finally start ramming into you. Holding you on the tip of his cock before sliding you down.

“Fuck,” you gasped.

He grabbed your hips while you braced yourself against the sink. You were trying to be quiet but fuck it was kinda hard when he was fucking you like that. His dick so thick inside of you that you honestly felt like you might be too full.

You looked into the dingy mirror so you could watch him as he fucked into you. You were trying so hard to keep quiet. Just in case someone walked by. You could get pretty noisy and that last thing you needed was to get caught.

His dick always seemed to fuck into you exactly the way you needed it to. Hitting your spot as he slammed into you. It felt so damn good. Your pussy started tightening around him, signaling that your orgasm was close.

“We gotta be quick, Baby,” he said. “Need you to cum for me.”

He set you down before turning you around so he could pick you up. One of the things you liked about Frank was that he’d man handle you. There was something so hot about how he didn’t give a shit. If he wanted you in a certain position, he was putting you in it.

He started fucking into you again. Putting his face into your neck. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he started slam into you. Just trying to get you to reach your peak.

“Daddy,” you breathed out.

“See. That’s such a good slut,” he whispered in your ear.

“Yes,” you moaned into his shoulder. “God, yes! I’m gonna cum.”

“Thats it. Cum for me, Y/N. Cum for Daddy.” He panted as it finally crashed into you. His own movements faltered as he started to cum inside of you. “Fuck.”

He pecked your lips before setting you down so the two of you could make yourselves presentable again. “I can’t believe we just had sex in a gross bathroom,” you said as you finally went to walk to where Roberta and Mary had went to get lunch.

He chuckled. “I know right.” He surprised you as he grabbed your hand. “So I was kind of serious earlier. About us maybe telling them. About us.”

“That we mess around?” You teased, looking up at him with a smirk.

Frank rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “No that we’re ya know.”

“Fuck buddies?”

He laughed. “No.” He stopped walking as he tugged you to him. “That you’re my girlfriend. Maybe.”

You couldn’t help it as a smile spread across your face. “I’d like that.”

“Yeah?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

He sighed before leaning down to kiss you again. “Good.” He nuzzled your nose with his, his facial hair tickling your cheek. “You ready for this?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you replied with this smile that had appeared on your face because fuck he was cute, as he grabbed your hand again.

[gtgrandom]

“Why I ship Zutara - since so many are inclined to believe it’s a Zuko fetish”

Is Zuko my favorite animated character of all time? Why yes, yes he is. Do I identify with Katara as a barrier-breaking feminist and woman of color? Yes, yes I do. Is that why I ship them together? No.

Look, when I first watched ATLA, I was 7 years old. I don’t remember shipping anyone, but I didn’t hate that Aang and Katara ended up together. They were cute! It’s whatever.

When I rewatched the show at 13, I still thought Kataang was cute, but I ended the series shipping Zutara, and as the years went by, they rose higher and higher on my list. Now they’re my #1 OTP.

So why do I ship them?

1) They’re two sides of the same coin. Both of them grew up too fast with the loss of their mothers. Both grew up under an elder’s influence. Both of them constantly fought to prove their worth to their peers, and both held resentment toward their fathers. Both spent the entire series improving their bending and incorporating each other’s bending styles into their own.

They have so much in common, and so many shared experiences and important bonding moments (defeating Azula together, Zuko saving her life, confronting Yon Rha together, the cave scene / turning point, their battle at the North Pole...)

2) They’re opposites. Fire and Ice. Sun and Moon. Passionate male energy and the soothing, healing touch of a woman (and her chilling bite). Realism and hopeful idealism. The Blue Spirit and the Painted Lady.

Zuko grew up without a healthy sibling or father relationship. Katara eventually obtained both of these. Zuko lived in an elite world surrounded by people and bending teachers, yet he felt alone. Katara grew up on an ice cube with no bending masters, but she loved her home and family.

The parallels go on and on.

3) Symbolism. They could have embodied the Cave of Two Lovers perfectly: benders separated by cultural divide, a cave to meet in secrecy where outside conflicts are put on hold, allowing them to grow closer, to love one another.

Plus, what better way to bridge two nations with seemingly irreparable tensions than a marriage between lovers? These two went from enemies to partners in crime to friends. Imagine if they’d fallen in love. Imagine a water bender as Fire Lady, and what influence she could have on the Fire Nation’s perceptions of the Water Tribe. Imagine the prejudices she could shed herself, living in this new culture, serving its people.

4) They’re good for each other. Zuko needs someone who can help him shift his nation’s perceptions of the world. He needs someone who can take on responsibilities of her own, rally a crowd, bring hope to his world, and not only become a mother to his children, but his people. He needs a woman who, like his mother, can encourage him to be the best version of himself.

Katara needs to feel useful. She needs to feel like she’s helping people and making a difference. She needs to be more than a wife or a mother. More than a traveling companion. She‘s a caretaker, but she’s also a leader, and she needs a mature man in her life who she can leave alone, unattended for a while. Someone she can speak to about harsh realities. Someone who will not judge her for feeling negative. Someone who will understand her sarcasm, and who will vent with her when she needs it.

5) I have always shipped them for their potential, not necessarily what we were fed in the show. So I understand how others don’t see it. But as a writer, I recognize that this pairing could have been an extremely valuable storytelling tool. Aaron saw that, the actors saw that, but Bryke wanted Kataang, so we got the typical “hero gets the girl” scenario. I get it. I just wish they would have gone the extra mile.

6) I don’t ship Kataang anymore

Aang is 12 years old. He’s a child (and a monk). That’s what makes the series work, why his victory is so powerful. His youthful innocence is a reoccurring theme throughout the series. And yes, he learns to accept many hard truths of the world, but in the end, he chooses mercy and idealism. As an adult, I can’t see him as anything but a child. And I don’t ship children. I definitely don’t want to see them make out with anyone 😷

Katara acts like his mother for most of the series. She’s his caretaker first and foremost. And it’s clear she loves him, but she’s not even sure how she feels about him several episodes from the finale of the series. I’m not about to act like their relationship wasn’t romantically coded, but it felt forced at the end. It felt like they set Katara up to be his mother more than his partner. It’s regressive to her feminist arc (and don’t get me started on Korra’s depiction of her!)

And yeah. I did not find 12 year olds attractive when I was looking forward to my first year of high school. If I had the choice between Aang and Zuko at her age, you bet your ass I’m swooning over the prince of the Fire Nation. 🤷🏻‍♀️

7) I really don’t ship Maiko. I love Mai as a character (gray characters are always fun). But her relationship with Zuko formed off-screen (never a good choice for a romance arc) and she was only ever regressive to Zuko’s character. She was never going to help him grow, to be a selfless leader, to consider the importance of other nations or the lower class (she jokes about ordering servants around for fun, big yikes). She couldn’t be a positive influence on Zuko until she had an enlightened journey of her own, which she didn’t get - her only arc revolved around Azula and her love for her boyfriend. She was a source of constant negativity and pessimim. That’s the last thing a leader of a war-torn nation needs.

So yeah. I’m not trying to convince anyone to ship my ship. I’m simply explaining why I love these two so much (since so many of you think it’s a bad boy fetish), and why I reject the pairings the show left us with.

I think Zutara would have created a stronger narrative for a near-perfect show, a better romance, and a more relatable protagonist, and no one will ever change my mind about that.

[venom-inside-you]

ommmgggg just read that ask ! give us more symbiotic powers during sex Head Canons !

Okay! Y’all asked for it! I am sorry but also not sorry if this is not coherent to anyone else but me but I have a lot of thoughts so this is long, again Nonnie you asked for this. I’m also on mobile and it would be a pain in the ass to put a read-more so sorry about that as well!

(Please note mun has only seen the movie and read a few snippets of the comics regarding Venom so these are completely made up out of mun’s mind and not part of any universe except my own lololol. I also refer to Venom as he/him.)

Symbiote Powers During Sex - Head Canons!

-Before we talk about anything else!!!!! Venom’s species reproduce asexually, so he does not inherently understand copulation between humans nor does he understand the pleasurable aspects of sex. He has Eddie’s memories but that is not the same (will explain later) and understands that is how Earth is populated, but regularly scolds Eddie for being weak to others’ sexuality and needing the human connection in order to survive, constantly criticizes humans for being overly-emotional life forms. Eddie has also not had sex or has had daydreams or wet dreams about having sex with Venom.

-Let’s talk about long distance. This symbiote can stretch out pretty far from Eddie’s body so if his partner/SO/lover/whatever is in another room entirely, small tendrils or even larger tentacles can be used to do whatever.

-Speaking of what the tendrils, tentacles can do, here’s a few suggestions: licking, sucking (with little suction cups like an octopus), biting, tugging, vibrating!!! You name it, Venom can probably do it and with more than one tendril/tentacle at a time.

-Don’t even get me started on texture!! But let’s— Venom’s mass is cool and slick to the touch, but not sticky or too goopy. He does produce a substance so that in his constant shape-shifting, he doesn’t create too much heat from the friction so this could be used as a sexual lubrication. He also produces saliva that is similar to the lube but thicker and a little more sticky. ANYWAY, these tendrils/tentacles can be ribbed, bumpy, ultra smooth, and textured after a real penis (most likely Eddie’s but he’s been in other humans before Eddie so it might sorta be an amalgamation of multiple) among other textures I haven’t even mentioned!

-Foreplay (long distance or not) - tendrils and tentacles EVERYWHERE. Humans (usually) have two hands and two arms— Eddie can only do so much!! But Venom can do anything, literally anything with whatever amount of mass he’d like to use. Multiple tendrils can come together to make one tentacle or one tentacle can be split into multiple tendrils depending on the partner(s) pleasure— yes I said multiple, we’ve got a poly-alien on our hands. The more the merrier but Eddie gets tired so keep that in mind. This also means that he can fashion himself (or even Eddie’s member 👀) after all of those sick-looking Bad Dragon-esque dildos (more on that later).

-Sex can be as spontaneous or as regular as Eddie and the partner(s) and Venom want it to be, but Venom can read Eddie’s mind (and vice versa, sorta) so if Eddie thinks of something Venom may not even hesitate to go ahead and do it. Consent is always key of course!!!

-First time with a partner(s), Venom will most likely stay in the background of Eddie’s mind to experience it happen in real time. He has access to all of Eddie’s memories but it’s something else entirely to be feeling the actual act rather than watching it. Symbiotes are really observant, which gives them the ability to make quick decisions to get the upper hand, so this translates over to sexual acts.

-For Eddie’s sake, Venom prefers if the partner asks or allows Venom to participate. Venom may get more touchy-feely with the partner(s) as time goes on if the physical aspect hasn’t been introduced yet.

-Eddie is up to try anything once. Venom will do anything without hesitation, which could lead to some negative sexual experiences for either side or both if it isn’t handled right.

-To piggy-back off that, Venom does not understand aftercare. In the beginning, if Venom is too rough, Eddie is the one that has to do the aftercare. It may cause some tension between him and Eddie and the partner(s), but more conversations about what’s expected is always a healthy way to approach boundaries and future sexual endeavors! Soon he’ll start to get it, but it will be rough going at first.

-Once a boundary/sexual relationship has been established, Venom will become possessive of said partner(s). He will also touch the partner(s) in public where he knows he won’t get caught and if the partner(s) get into a position where others want to possess the partner(s), Venom will then mark the partner(s) in a place so that others know that they belong to him. And Eddie.

-Venom has observed Earth animals and their mating behaviors (either through personal experience or watching the Discovery channel while Eddie’s sleeping), so he knows that humans do not have a mating season. He does not experience heats or ruts but can pick up on human’s fluctuation hormones and pheromones enough to know when someone is aroused.

-Does Venom orgasm? Yes, I think he does. Just like a xenomorph, I HC that Venom inherits traits from the beings he has been in before. Being in Eddie for so long, he would then adapt the ability to orgasm. When he does, his mass shifts like it does when he hears higher frequencies (see the scene with the airplane and the MRI machine) and he gets a bit feral.

-Does Venom ejaculate? As a symbiote, no. But when he decides that he wants to, he uses Eddie’s cum (whether or not he has to manipulate Eddie’s body to produce more), but this also means that if he has sex with a fertile partner, that baby(ies) will not have symbiotes in them in utero. In order for baby to have a symbiote, he would have to make one but that’s a long story.

-Am I getting a little too lost in the woods here? Maybe I should rapid-fire a few to get my brain straight

-Venom can pin the partner down by any body part and basically anywhere. Weight and size don’t even matter in this context, and Y’ALL HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR CHUBBY PARTS OR ANYTHING YOU HAVE INSECURITIES ABOUT. GENDER ALSO DOESN’T MATTER AT ALL. Whatever he can tease to pull another moan out of you is exactly what he wants.

-He can also LIFT YOU IN THE AIR. I REPEAT— LIFT YOU UP IN THE AIR AND USE YOU AS A FLESHLIGHT. For multiple holes as well.

-Biting— lots of biting. Can draw blood (again, see boundaries) from the body and clean you up afterwards.

-Breath play, choking, blood play, knife play (like he can draw blood from you himself), whipping (think about all those textures!), etc

-If he has too much energy and he can’t use it all on you because he knows he can snap you like a twig, his tendrils can crack like whips around him so don’t be scared! He’s just really excited.

-THE TONGUE. I guess I have to explain this one a little bit but just imagine his tongue as whatever you want it to do, just like the tendrils and the tentacles. Wrapped around a clit, vibrating, corkscrewed around a cock and balls, etc

-Saliva literally everywhere. He doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.

-He may not talk to the partner much but when he does, it’s usually very like proper and straight-forward. As in “You may orgasm now” or “We can feel that you are close to your peak” etc

-PET NAMES. He likes calling you Little One

-Pet names for him? He prefers being called Venom because like duh that’s his name and he doesn’t understand the pet name at first. Whatever the partner(s) is/are comfortable with calling him, he will respond to it after a while. Maybe even get an ego boost from it.

-Is there anything he doesn’t like to do? YES. Vore— sorry y’all. Even if the partner can regenerate, that’s not something I as a writer am comfortable with writing. In other universes, maybe.

Okay so I’m going to stop there or I’ll be here all day. I’m sure I’ll think of some more but if there are any specific scenarios, please ask!! Anon is on so feel free to submit whatever your heart desires!

[mannatea]

Excuse me I want the opinions about the apocalyptic humans are the real monsters please!

>Are you sure you would like to board this train?

Anyway, sure! I have a lot of thoughts. And opinions. And considerations. Hopefully this train of thought is worth the trip. All aboaaaaard!

Part I: This Mentality Doesn’t Exist in Just Fiction!

I take issue with this phrasing as a general rule because humans are still human. Calling them “monsters” for their evil deeds—something everyone is capable of performing, by the way—is just...asinine to the nth degree. Sure, we’d all like to imagine we’re not capable of Great Evil, but WE ARE. 

I don’t want to dive into Purity Police Politics here, but here’s a question for (general) you: where is the line drawn? What makes a “bad” person “a monster” vs. just being a bad/thoughtless/careless person? 

I think we can all agree that objectively some acts are evil. If you’ve been following the news this year, you probably have a million examples, but (TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS LINK) here’s a particularly terrible one; they even call the abusers monsters in this news article. Why? I think you know why. They want to emotionally distance themselves. They want to believe that these people are unique in their ability to cause harm and suffering to another human being.

But WOWEE!!! Spoiler alert: the writer is just as capable of abuse as the people who committed the crime!!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I think most people are UNLIKELY to commit a crime like that, or even hurt another person with malicious intent or hatred in their hearts. But to pretend we are not all capable of it is putting yourself on a pedestal above the rest of humanity, and...I dunno. That’s awfully cocky.

Tumblr in particular loves to talk about toxicity and abuse, and they love to paint themselves as “better than” or “above” that behavior, but 1) we are all capable of toxicity, have been problematic in our lifetime, and have probably done something abusive to someone else at one point or another, and 2) we must remember that this is true of everyone else as well as ourselves. The important thing is that we strive to behave better, to learn to recognize when we are hurting someone else, to CARE THAT WE MIGHT BE HURTING SOMEONE ELSE, and to actively work to just be better/kinder people.

I totally get the desire to call a cruel, abusive, or evil person “a monster” but THEY ARE NOT. They are people. People are not infallible. Monsters by definition are imaginary creatures, but the abuse these people inflict is real. The crimes are real. The hurt is real. The effect these people have on those around them is as real as they themselves are, and to pretend for even a moment that it’s not, that they are somehow separate from  you and I, that the rules apply differently for them than you and I, is just...harmful? 

Because again, where do you draw the line? 

Part II: Using Monster as an Insult

Monsters are creations, always, as they are by definition imaginary creatures. I think some might look to the Nature vs. Nurture Debate when it comes to criminal acts to try and justify their use of the word “monster” to refer to people like the abusers in the link above (aka: “society shaped them into that, it was never their natural inclination”) but that feels vaguely like cherry-picking to me, and I don’t like it.

Also, “Monster” is used as such a joking insult online these days (you’re a monster for dissing my anime waifu headcanons) it’s lost its bite if it ever had it to begin with. My beloved cat CiCi’s nickname was ‘Monster’ because the first Christmas I had her she rolled around on the Christmas presents and hissed at anyone who tried to move them. We also have an energy drink named Monster. Cookie Monster. Created ‘monsters’ with their own lore like werewolves and vampires and kelpies and Bigfoot.

So you risk one of three things by calling someone a monster: 1) it comes across like a joking insult/cute pet name, 2) you’re putting them on par with beings that literally do not exist except in fiction, and that half of this hellsite wants to fuck MANY people actually enjoy talking/reading about as part of an entire literary genre, or 3) you’re saying they’re literally not human beings and therefore not worth being considered as such.

None of these options are good.

Part III: “Humans Were the Real Monsters All Along!™”

Maybe when literacy levels were super low and only the wealthy had the leisure time and access to literature they could read for fun, this kind of reveal was Intriguing, but I’m here to tell you that it’s never been interesting to any person who has lived in the real world, like, ever.

I feel like for children this may be different (I dunno, as a child you don’t always understand what’s going on around you/are more likely to be sheltered from these kinds of truths outside of fiction), but I highly doubt that, say, peasants in 1620 weren’t well aware that humans were capable of evil.

Sure, they did the same thing we like to do and called people who committed particularly heinous acts ‘monsters’ (probably for the same reasons we do as well as because they wanted to believe they were safe in their communities and that their neighbors were also different and not capable of doing that sort of thing) but again you see the general level of denial:

This person is not like me.

I am different.

I must call them something else.

Which, yes you are different, but the difference is NOT in WHAT you are, it’s in HOW YOU ACT and the emotions you act upon!

Society has a history of doing this separation, and of revealing in fiction that humans are actually the real monsters, but again, those of us who exist in the real world already know that human beings are capable of great evil. Even if we are surprised by the level of vileness or not is irrelevant; we all know that logically this kind of thing happens in the real world and that human beings are responsible for it.

Part IV: Bad Reveal. BAD!

In some pieces of media, the writers go out of their way to be like, “THE MONSTERS WE’VE HATED ALL THIS TIME AND HAVE BEEN FIGHTING WERE ONCE HUMAN LIKE US. WE COULD BECOME LIKE THEM! OH NO!”

Which...lol.

Let’s look at zombies, a monster created for the sake of this kind of narrative. They were “once human” but are now mindless beings completely unaware of the hurt they are inflicting, even on those they might have known in their lifetime. Zombies can infect living human beings, turning them into zombies. The humans in these stories don’t want to become zombies, so they fight the zombies (with varying results, depending on the particular piece of media you choose to consume).

Zombie stories have a huge cult following; people love this kind of thing. On the surface you might think zombie stories fit the above narrative, and they do, but like...literally. “They were human once but aren’t anymore!” is almost never a reveal in these stories; it’s something everyone already knows and is actively fighting against.

"Humans are the real monsters” rarely has much to do with the zombies. It almost always occurs when a human in the group of survivors betrays the others in a big way.

The betrayer is then painted as the REAL monster here, the REAL threat. You might notice that lot of post-apocalyptic and/or humans-vs.-monsters fiction follows the same pattern: humans fight monsters, (optional ingredient: the monsters were once human!), and then they find out that Actually, Humans Were the Real Monsters All Along!

Again, anyone reading this post already knows that. They go out in public and see people who can’t be assed to wear a mask. “Wah it itches.” “Wah I can’t breathe.” “Wah it’s inconvenient for me and I’m not infected I know I’m fine!”

These same maskless fools would tell you to your face that the betrayer in these stories is a monster. They themselves, however, are not capable of hurting other people! They’re better than that! That person is a monster! They would never betray their allies. Except they do, every day, by refusing to wear a mask to protect other people from themselves. “Just in case” isn’t a good enough reason for them because it’s an inconvenience and they don’t like how it feels.

Sure, wearing a mask during a pandemic seems like such a small thing compared to, you know, betraying your fellow survivors in the apocalypse, but you have to consider context. If wearing a mask during a pandemic that has literally killed huNDreDS oF thousands is so inconvenient they won’t even wear it for the 3 minutes they are in the gas station...would you trust this person in a post-apocalyptic setting? Would they gather food for a physically disabled survivor? Would they literally fight to protect someone ill? Share resources fairly? You know if they can’t wear a mask for three minutes in a whole damn day they wouldn’t step up like that. They could easily end up being the betrayer in a situation like that. They’ve never been desperate enough to do something like that before, and they probably don’t think they’re capable of it now, but we know what they do when something is a minor inconvenience to them. Imagine a major inconvenience. Imagine their whole life being turned upside-down!

My issues with the reveal of “Humans are actually the real monsters!” are many, but the biggest issue I take with it from a writing perspective is that it’s almost never accurate when you look at the scope of the story.

Tens of thousands of zombies vs. one (1) betrayer: and you’re telling me the betrayer is the real monster? The bigger threat??? BULLSHIT. Sure, it takes a real asshole to betray people during the literal apocalypse, but that act doesn’t take away from the fact that they are human, LET ALONE the fact that using this particular point as a Big Important Reveal tells me you’re a shit writer who thinks you’re smart.

(For the record, you might have a character who will prioritize this and consider that betrayer the bigger threat, but we’re not talking about character development/motivations so much as overarching narratives the writer includes in the story separate from that.)

Anyway, I’m not saying stories with this premise in them are shit, I’m saying that this concept as a big plot reveal/climax of a story is shit. How can this even be a reveal worth revealing? Has anyone ever turned on the news?

Part V: Drawing the Line and Other Particulars

I definitely do not have the expertise or the experience to make this a detailed point, so please forgive me for that, but let’s talk about that line again, because this point absolutely cannot be overlooked.

Where is it? What makes one person who commits a crime or evil act a monster and not another? Is it the act committed? Their mental state? What about the mentally ill? What about neurodivergent people? What about children?

As an extreme example: is a woman who throws her baby off a building a monster? NO!!! SHE’S HUMAN and she did something terrible. We might like to say we’re different and we would neVeR do that, but we don’t know because we have never been in her shoes. We are missing context even the courts will never have or fully grasp. We do not know or understand her mental state no matter what the doctors say. Calling her a monster doesn’t do anything but put her in a separate category from the rest of us, which is harmful on SO many levels, starting with the fact that it means nobody talks to her, nobody gets her side of the story, nobody listens, and so we have no perspective, no understanding, no desire to learn.

Things like this are why it took so long for PPD to even begin to be understood, and why EVEN NOW women are afraid to talk about it and all related issues. I follow a ob-gyn on YouTube and the amount of women in her comments who thank her (oftentimes VERY emotionally) for openly saying it’s normal to not immediately feel a connection to your baby when they are born is mind-blowing. Not everyone will feel that! Sometimes you have to get to know your baby because they are an individual person and that is how love works for some people! But 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 100 years ago: that was unthinkable to admit. You lied about it and you felt like a terrible person instead. What kind of mom doesn’t love their baby instantly? You must be the worst. Meanwhile, the woman you’re getting your information from doesn’t feel that bond either and is lying about it because she feels pressured and just as bad as you do. All this suffering, and for what?! Stigma. Being told you’re not human if you don’t feel like that.

Don’t you know the bond with that baby suffered from this issue, too? Don’t you think it affected the parent/child relationship for the rest of their lives?

Not everyone who commits a crime falls into a category like this, and maybe the woman in my example doesn’t either, but I hope your takeaway is that calling people monsters keeps them separated from other people to the point where their story becomes just as fictional as the monsters they are called, and when it is heard it is enjoyed as fiction, rather than seriously considered.

Let’s not pretend that this separation of humanity into “human” and “not human” based on the way someone acts hasn’t hindered progress in the mental health/medical fields for everyone. When people are not considered human they are not given human treatment, rights, consideration, or empathy.

Part VI: TL;DR:

we are all human and capable of doing bad things.

the difference between a bad person and you or I is a lot more complex and multilayered than “they did a terrible thing and I did not do that terrible thing.”

calling people ‘monsters’ for the bad things they do dehumanizes them and may:

strip them of responsibility for their actions by insinuating they were born that way or they aren’t actually human like you and I, and/or

prevent them from getting the help they need/from others who have not done anything bad yet getting the help they need

it’s not a good reveal in fiction

because most of us already know people commit evil acts,

and it is oftentimes is presented in a way that doesn’t actually make sense for the story.

--

Sorry that it got long and probably isn’t very well organized! I wrote it in bursts at work. But anyway yeah...

I don’t mind when characters feel this way about other characters, but to see it used as a narrative feature/reveal/et cetera in fiction is like, so tiresome. No shit, Sherlock. I turn on the news. I followed true crime for a while. WE ALL KNOW PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF DOING TERRIBLE, AWFUL THINGS TO OTHER LIVING THINGS.

Having *that* be your big reveal in a story is so childish it embarrasses me to see it. Wow, congrats on figuring out something at 47 that the rest of us learned on the playground before we turned 7!

:(

[my-miraculous-headcanons]

According to production codes (confirmed by Astruc to be the order they created them in and best watch order) Party Crasher then Puppeteer 2 are the last 2 episodes before Chat Blanc, Felix, Ladybug, and the finale. What are your thoughts on that? Also, due to status quo, do you think there will be any romantic relationships with anyone regarding the mains anytime soon (by the end of next season)

I’m going to be honest with you, I haven’t been watching the new episodes, and I don’t really plan to until everything’s out, specifically because all the episodes have been airing out of order. I really don’t like the statue scene however, because you know… it was impossible not to get spoiled on that.

I really, really hate that Marinette is always the one to get majorly embarrassed when in regards to her crush. I keep hearing people excuse it by saying ‘We’ve all had embarrassing moments from teenaged crushes!’ and here’s the thing… that’s not my problem with it.

My problem is that Marinette is the ONLY ONE ever humiliated for having a crush. 

Literally there is NEVER a Ladrien or Ladynoir moment where Adrien/Chat Noir severely humiliates himself in front of Ladybug as a result of his crush. Adrien almost never acts like a truly awkward and smitten teenager and that’s, in my opinion, completely unfair. (Any moments he DOES have where he’s being weird are pretty unmemorable, so no, they don’t count.)

The embarrassment Marinette is put through is legit severely traumatising. I’m speaking from experience, these are the types of incidents you will remember well into your adulthood, and no, it’s not always something to laugh about when you’re older. 

Marinette’s crush was outed on live television to the entirety of Paris without her consent, for example. That is not something you forget about. That’s going to be something so mortifying that she’ll have anxiety-induced dreams about it for years. That’s going to be something that she’ll remember right before going to bed, and it’ll still be so humiliating that it’ll keep her up at night dwelling on it. (How the FUCK was she not the one to get akumatised?)

Furthermore, any and all attempts Marinette makes in making her feelings known always come back to bite her in the ass. It’s exhausting to watch, and I can only imagine how exhausting it would be to live with. I can’t find myself rooting for it anymore. I sincerely just want her to give up on him at this point.

Also… you know what really bothers me?

Chat Noir is implied to be able to confess to Ladybug without anything seriously straining their friendship, even if she were to reject him. Which she did. With the way the writers keep avoiding Marinette the chance to confess, it seems to imply to me that her and Adrien’s friendship is, in comparison, really fragile. That if she were to confess, it would crumble. That’s… unbalanced. And makes no sense because they keep going back and forth between ‘Marinette has perfectly fine moments around Adrien without any stuttering and they’re super great, close friends!’ and ‘Marinette is entirely incapable of forming complete sentences around Adrien and cannot be in the same room with him at all!’

What the fuck?

I’m getting sick of this. Everyone keeps saying Adrienette is endgame, but here’s the truth for you guys: It’s Not. You know what is endgame? Ladynoir. Because with the way things are going, it’s entirely obvious that Marinette is not even on Adrien’s romantic radar. But you know what, Chat Noir is on Marinette’s. She’s already openly admitted that if it weren’t for Adrien, she may have really considered Chat Noir. We’re shown time and time again that Ladybug does, indeed, have a soft spot for Chat Noir. 

But for some reason, Adrien can’t do the same for Marinette. This isn’t about loyalty to one’s crush, because you know, Adrien’s been flat out rejected twice now and has even attempted to date another girl. No, this is what they’re telling us: Adrien isn’t interested in Marinette at all. She is LITERALLY the girl behind the mask, the very woman he said that he’d love, but he doesn’t feel anything romantic for her. Clearly he thinks she has all the good qualities that Ladybug has! After all, he compliments her all the time and has even called her an everyday Ladybug! But, no, he still doesn’t like her. Why is that?

Honestly, at this point the only conclusion I can come to is that there’s just something inherently about Marinette that he just doesn’t like. He’s already shown that he’s capable of looking towards other girls, so I don’t want to hear the ‘loyalty to Ladybug’ excuse. The fact of the matter is that there’s something about Marinette that rules her out as a romantic interest to him.

Which, uh, is bad. At this point, the only way I can see them getting together is either is Ladybug finally decides to return Chat Noir’s affections, or an identity reveal happens. (And sorry guys, I can NEVER see Marinette using Ladybug to date a civilian, so I don’t see Ladrien happening either.) 

I’m gonna be honest with you, as much as I like Ladynoir, I’m going to be upset if this is how it happens. That Adrien is rewarded for continuously attempting to capture Ladybug’s heart despite her repetitively telling him no. Like, did you guys see what happened with Oblivio? He got them both into serious shit because he was busy lounging around trying to flirt while Ladybug was doing all the work. Like, I’m not messing with you, he got them both hit by a memory wipe akuma because of his bullshit. 

Unless Adrien learns about the concept of ‘time and place,’ and unless Adrien learns to respect boundaries and take a solid ‘no’ for an answer, I’m going to be FURIOUS if this is how Ladynoir happens. 

And if they get together because of an identity reveal… No. I’m not going to be happy. Y’all can say whatever you like, but unless Adrien acknowledges that he COULD at least see Marinette in a romantic light, their relationship after an identity reveal would essentially boil down to this: Adrien’s only dating Marinette because she’s Ladybug. Before he had discovered her being Ladybug, he wouldn’t have even considered it, not for a moment. 

You can understand why that really upsets me, right?

(I have SO MUCH MORE to say about this, but I’m gonna wrap this up.)

In conclusion, I sincerely hope that they don’t get together by this season. Or, at least, not unless some of the upcoming episodes have Adrien and Marinette go through some serious development. AKA, Adrien accepting Ladybug’s responses, and Marinette, if not outright letting go, calming down her crush enough that it no longer results in her dignity getting sacrificed. 

…

(Also, I DEMAND we have scenes where Adrien embarrasses the FUCK out of himself in front of Ladybug, now. Both as his civilian self and as his superhero self. It’s EQUALITY! HUMILIATE THE RICH BOY, YOU COWARDS.)

(Like I said, I wouldn’t have so much of a problem with Marinette getting humiliated all the time if it weren’t for the fact that she’s the only one to ever be humiliated so severely at all. She’s not the only awkward teenager in the show.)

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1979

Under the cut.

I discuss Michael Jackson’s life and actions a little bit underneath here. So be warned if that’s something that will upset you.

The Bee Gees -- "Too Much Heaven" -- January 6, 1979

Uugh. When The Bee Gees weren't releasing bad, bloodless, falsetto disco, they were releasing bad, bloodless, falsetto lite "rock." Also the lyrics are about how love is soooo hard to get, so they're special since they have love, and yuck. Nonsense and glop.

Rod Stewart -- "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" -- February 10, 1979

I laughed out loud when I saw this next on the list. People can't have taken it seriously in 1979, right? It was seen like "I'm Too Sexy", yes? Even though Rod Stewart was a "serious" singer -- come on, this is a ridiculous song. It isn't about the narrator; it's about two people meeting on a dance floor and then going to have what's probably a one-night stand. But when Rod Stewart sings the chorus, it sounds like it's about him. It's a highly unsexy and very silly song.

Gloria Gaynor -- "I Will Survive" -- March 10, 1979

The joy I feel listening to this song. It's the best disco song. The bright piano flourish opens to Gaynor's amazing voice and phenomenal singing ability. She sells her anger at the guy who's "back to bother" her, along with the assertion that she's now totally confident and is gonna do great without him, will all her life to live and all her love to give. The lyrics are great, which is incredibly rare for any dance song. The music is great. And Gaynor is perfect. You can belt it in the car and it drives people to the dance floor. Just an amazing, incredible song.

The Bee Gees -- "Tragedy" -- March 24, 1979

The real tragedy is that The Bee Gees shat up disco. What could it have been if not for their influence? There were disco singers and groups who escaped it, but Barry Gibb and Friends' clogging of the charts kept out so many worthy acts. Lots of synth on this song, and synth can be really cool (I'm a diehard fan of The Alan Parsons Project), but the Bee Gees made it boring and turgid. Then that damned falsetto. I don't care about the lyrics, I just want to not hear the Bee Gees again ever.

The Doobie Brothers -- "What A Fool Believes" -- April 14, 1979

The guy the song is about thinks he's going to get an ex back because she was nice when he met her again. He's a fool, and "no wise man has the power to reason away." The music's good, too, a sort of mild rock. "Yacht rock" I suppose. The sentiment is kinda country music though. Good song, anyway.

Amii Stewart -- "Knock on Wood" -- April 21, 1979

What is that in the background? A synth sound, obviously, but it sounds like -- a washboard? I have no idea, but it's annoying. This is a cover of an older soul song by Eddie Floyd that's pretty good, but they wreck it here. The amount of gunk clogging it up is painful. Also Amii Stewart doesn't modulate at all, her voice is a constant blare. Headache-inducing.

Blondie -- "Heart of Glass" -- April 28, 1979

The 80s are coming. Blondie does interesting things with synth here, the beat's irresistible, Debbie Harry's voice is unique, and the lyrics are about an ended relationship that was "a pain in the ass." Not some huge broken-hearted thing, despite the "heart of glass" lyric. Just... done, that didn't work, moving on. Not that the lyrics particularly matter here. It's all about the interesting, different-sounding music.

Peaches & Herb -- "Reunited" -- May 5, 1979

If synth can sound more synthetic than usual, that's how this song begins. It's about a couple getting back together, but it doesn't sound like they were ever in a lot of pain or that they're really excited now. There's some neat guitar stuff. It could be worse. But mostly it's bland.

Donna Summer -- "Hot Stuff" -- June 2, 1979

It's a disco song, but with a lot more rock in it than disco usually has. Maybe that's why it's survived so much better than most disco. The narrator wants one of her lovers (of whom she obviously has many) to answer the phone so that she can get laid. It's the ballad of Romance Sims. It's fun.

Bee Gees -- "Love You Inside Out" -- June 9, 1979

Well, ew. This guy's whining that the woman he loves has too many lovers but he's the one who will "love you inside out," whatever the hell that means. It sounds like a serial killer. She needs to dump him, and also probably move and change her name. And, of course, there's Barry Gibb's horrible orchestration and falsetto.

Anita Ward -- "Ring My Bell" -- June 30, 1979

Disco, of course. He's been gone for a while and she's singing to him "you can ring my bell." So, they're gonna celebrate his homecoming with lots of sex. The lines "You can ring my bell, ring my bell/ (Ring my bell/ ding-dong-ding)" repeat a couple hundred times. The background synth sounds are painfully repetitive. Like something on The Prisoner used to brainwash people. And Anita Ward sings in a Betty Boop-ish sort of childish voice that I also find annoying. It's not Bee Gees bad, but it's bad.

Donna Summer -- "Bad Girls" -- July 14, 1979

"Bad girls" are not the same as "sad girls." Sorry, this song might be fine or even good, but that one line has always bugged me way too much. So does the police whistle.

Chic -- "Good Times" -- August 18, 1979

Disco about how "happy days are here again" for now. The lyrics are obviously pretty shallow, but at least there is a line about how it won't last forever. That's not my problem anyway. My problem is that the chorus bores me, musically. Like, it hurts. There are two notes I think? And the beat is the same throughout. I always sort of ignored this song before, but on actively trying to listen to it, I have started to hate it. It doesn't interact well with my brain chemistry.

The Knack -- "My Sharona" -- August 25, 1979

This became a hit again when Reality Bites came out. So I danced in a convenience store to it my freshman year of college. We were "of the younger kind" then, considering I was 17. That made me like the song better -- it was about me! Rock isn't supposed to be clean, and you're really not supposed to take it as advice. The riff is amazing, and I love this song.

Robert John -- "Sad Eyes" -- October 6, 1979

I've never heard this song before. The music box sounding intro lasts a while and lulls you into complacency before the horrible falsetto kicks in. Not only extremely 70s white man falsetto, but an entitled brat of a man breaking up with a woman and being put out that she's looking at him with "sad eyes." Incredibly bad in an incredibly 70s way. I can see why I've never heard this song before. It's absolutely terrible.

Michael Jackson -- "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" -- October 13, 1979

Sigh. All right, now that he's an adult, gotta tackle Michael Jackson. He was a rampant and, as far as we know, unrepentant child molester. He destroyed people in the most personal way possible short of actual murder. (Phil Spector is still worse.) He was murdered through at least extreme malpractice by his doctor. He was forced into stardom as a child himself. And he was a huge, massive, incredibly gigantic star, even after he became a punchline. I was never a big fan, but like most children of the 80s, I loved some of his songs and spent a lot of time doing the moonwalk, or as close as I could get. I feel an immense amount of pity for him, along with utterly despising him, along with admiring his talent, along with being sickened by the fact that Hollywood and the music industry knew and no one did anything about what he was doing. All in all, I end up at this place: Child stardom must end.

Okay, now for the music. This song takes forever to actually start. Also I have actually never heard it before today. Probably because it's falsetto. Jackson's falsetto is obviously far superior to Barry Gibb's, but it's still falsetto the whole song. The riff is great once it starts, and everything about the music should be good -- but, falsetto. The whole time, as far as I can tell. I can't listen to all of it. Whose idea was it that falsetto should ever be anything other than an occasional few bars? Was it Frankie Valli? I'm gonna blame Frankie Valli.

Herb Alpert -- "Rise" -- October 20, 1979

It's a jazz-funk instrumental and it's pretty good. Piano, guitar, trumpet, some kind of glittering thing -- xylophone? Bells? The people laughing like it's a laid-back party are annoying, but not enough to wreck the song. If this doesn't play on every cruise ship ever, they're missing a trick.

M -- "Pop Music" -- November 3, 1979

I saw the title, and thought I didn't know the song. Then I heard the first bars of the song and went, "OH this one." It's New Wave. I love a lot of New Wave, but this one's on the purposefully shallow end, rather than the Eurythmics end. The lyrics are nonsense, but the beat is pretty irresistable. Which makes it a dance song, whatever its intent. One of the lines is, "Dance in the supermarket," so it probably was intended to be danced to. In any case, I find it pretty forgettable, but fine.

The Eagles -- "Heartache Tonight" -- November 10, 1979

I've heard this song before, but not often. I'm not sure if it's about sex before a breakup or about cheating. Don Henley does not have Elvis' voice, though he seems to be trying to reach that level. Real power is required for the chorus, and Henley lacks it. If this were sung by Freddie Mercury, we'd have something. Queen also would have brought more musical interest generally. But as-is, it doesn't work for me.

The Commodores' -- "Still" -- November 17, 1979

Lionel Richie was still the frontman/ writer for The Commodores here. Should I explore why I can't stand Lionel Richie's music? I'd have to listen to it more to fully understand. It always sounds totally insincere to me. The songs themselves are too slow. This one doesn't have a bassline. It's so polished and gloopy. And in this song, that pause between "I love you" and "still" is both highly predictable and entirely phony. I managed to listen to the entire song, and I rolled my eyes throughout, but especially at that last whispered "still." Oh he's just so sad puh-leaze. Crying his way to the bank.

Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer -- "No More Tears" -- November 24, 1979

I hate Barbra Streisand's singing and like Donna Summer's. I wish this were just Donna Summer. If it were, I'd probably like the song. It's slow for almost 2 minutes, then becomes disco. Streisand isn't able to do as much self-loving in a fast dance song, but it's still there. I tried to find a version with just Donna Summer and failed. So, I dunno, the fact that I can actually listen to the whole thing makes me think it's the most tolerable song with Barbra Streisand in existence. But it would have been so much better without her.

Styx -- "Babe" -- December 8, 1979

Styx was prog rock, but watered-down, simplified prog-rock. Lite prog rock, as weird as that is. But they still had that massive theatricality of prog rock, which I like, and they were great for places like Pine Knob. Outside of those massive arenas, they don't work for me. Dennis DeYoung, the writer and singer of this song, belts the whole way through. Yeah, he hits the notes, but he doesn't seem to realize you're supposed to sometimes modulate, even on a power ballad. Meh.

Rupert Holmes -- "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" -- December 22, 1979

If you take this song seriously, you're likely to hate it. It ain't that deep. It's a goofy song about a goofy thing -- both he and his wife are bored and want to cheat, so they write personal ads, and lo, they answer each other's personals! Though how that happens when they're the blandest Reaganite yuppies ever, I'm not sure. Maybe it's because they're both full of themselves ("if you have half a brain.") I enjoy this song because it is catchy, silly, and totally non-serious. I do not like pina coladas, btw.

BEST OF 1979: "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. WORST OF 1979: "Love You Inside Out" by the Bee Gees

[chicagocityofclans]

Helo Adama → Dylan O'Brien → Rat Animal Shifter

→ Basic Information 

Age: 28

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight 

Born or Made: Born 

Birthday: August 1st

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Religion: Deism 

→ His Personality Helo personality is most accurately described as intelligent, hyperactive, and curious. He is a notorious bookworm who excels at piecing together clues and figuring out mysteries. Helo enjoys puzzles and acts as the main IT guy for the pack in order to gain information and evidence regarding the threats that they face. For this reason, his intelligence is his greatest strength within the pack and has either given them an advantage or has outright saved them in multiple situations. He is slow to trust people, but once he warms up to them and the person gains his trust, he becomes very close to them and will do whatever he has to do in order to protect them and ensure their safety. Because of his hyperactiveness, Helo can often become so overwhelmed by trauma that he both physically and verbally lashes out at those around him. Despite his increasingly violent reactions to bad news, he is a very loyal person who would do anything to protect his loved ones, even if it means giving up his life to do so. 

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Full Time Head of CTRL

Scars: None

Tattoos: Matching Tetris Pieces with Hanna 

Two Likes: Technology and Amazon

Two Dislikes: Best Buy and LEGO

Two Fears: Blackouts and Losing Hard Drive Data

Two Hobbies: Videos Games and Role-Playing 

Three Positive Traits: Outspoken, Sarcastic, Clever

Three Negative Traits: Long-Winded, Awkward, Arrogant

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Graeme Adama (Father): Graeme is Helo’s number one fan and motivator. Graeme has always had an active role in Helo’s life, whether it was reading him Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings before bed as a child or helping him build foundations for CTRL as an adult. Graeme has taken time off from RED and joined Helo on CTRL after the Underground attack. Nick has been pushing for Graeme's return and Helo has been pushing to find a way to help RED win some leeway Underground. He wants his father to return with some type of advantage. 

My Bellarose Adama (Mother): My Bellarose seems like a character from a book that Helo’s has not read yet. Everything about his mother is perfect enough to be unreal or made up by an exquisite writer. She can do no wrong in his eyes. She is currently teamed with BOND and SKIN. Helo has no idea how she jungles Graeme, work and their family but somehow it all gets done and more. Helo is happy she has taken a liking to Hanna, just like the rest of their family. 

Sibling Names:

Radak Adama (Brother): Radak is Helo’s older brother. They are complete opposites of each other but surprisingly get already well. Radak has never been into technology or science fiction/fantasy. Radak joined BOND in order to travel and get away from Chicago, he always wanted to see the world and learn about different cultures and languages. When Radak is home he usually works on SKIN. 

Vala Azalea Adama (Sister): Vala is Helo’s older sister. She is one of the RED survivors and has recently celebrated her 30th birthday. She had a mental breakdown recently, feeling unaccomplished and with a shit ton of survivor's guilt. Helo feels absolutely helpless. He has taken to constantly checking on her and is trying to include her in wedding plans to brighten her up. Helo is considering hooking her up with Louis or Achilles to get her spirits up. 

Tahmoh Adama (Brother): Tahmoh is Helo’s little brother. Tahmoh is a 23 year old nerd that has recently joined the ranks of GOLD. Helo is proud of him, knowing he worked hard for the position while attending community college full-time. While Helo had gotten his degree online, Tahmoh rebelled and went to one of the local colleges. Helo was surprised that Nick allowed Tahmoh to attend college. However, it was not until after Tahmoh graduation that Tahmoh was able to tell their family that he was only allowed to attend if he kept an eye out for the Jackals and other shifters who attended college there too. 

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

Hanna Moore (Mate and Fiancee): Hanna and Helo have been dating for 5 years. They met on an online dating app. The first time they met in public, Helo brought Louis with him, thinking it was a scam. Helo and Hanna clicked in person just like they did over the phone; adding Louis as their third party too. 6 months into their relationship, Helo asked Hanna to move and join his pack. A long distance relationship wasn’t hard, but Helo wanted her close and running CTRL, which was still new at the time, was becoming too much to leave for a weekend getaway. Helo does not reject the decision at all and does not think that they are moving too fast. He knows whether he is living until 90 or 400 years old, he wants to share his life with Hanna. Which is why he proposed and they are planning to start a life despite people thinking they will not last or will regret it. In the history of Adama’s there has never been a divorce and there are currently 30 living generations. While Helo does not want to add kids to their equation yet, he does see them there in the far future.

Platonic Connections:

Louis Martin-Rovet (Best Friend): Helo cannot remember when Louis and he became best friends or when they actually met. Every time a question about how they met comes up they both spin an outrageous elaborate story, coming up with it and crazy details as they go along. Despite their obvious age difference, Louis being older than Helo’s parents and maternal grandparents, the two of them might as well be brothers. 

Theo ‘Hibachi’ Easton (Friend): Helo and Hibachi could easily be described as being your typical nerd buddies. Helo was there to help Theo when he needed his Tumblr page set up, and Theo was one of the very small numbers that knew about Helo dating Hannah first. Their friendship is an easy one, where both are simply comfortable being themselves around the other.

Achilles Idris (Friend): Helo really likes Achilles and enjoys having him around. It is hard to believe that Achilles is Jax's older brother. However, this adds to Helo theory that Nick and Jo raising Jax had a large effect on the person he grew up to be. Achilles is currently a part of GOLD and BOND, thus Helo has been seeing a lot of him. It is nice having someone else closer to his age in his inner circle too. 

Ray Hamelin (Associate): When Helo first developed CTRL, he had to implement it into NERVOUS and BOND before CTRL could become official. Helo and Ray formed a professional relationship during that time. Helo has nothing but respect for Ray and the job he does for their pack as a whole.

Jim Montgomery (Unsure): Jim has been coming around more and more often. Helo is unsure as to why but also does not want to find out why either. Helo has been running micro surveillance cameras in and out of the police department for SKIN and is currently working on a credit card system for them. Helo is hoping to match their spending habits to different names the human shifters may have, which could possibly bring a large amount of unknown shifted forms to light.

Ryan Cleirigh (Possible Contact/New Friend): Ryan has an amazing podcast that Helo listens to on his down time or whenever he needs something playing softly in the background and music isn’t cutting it. Helo has joined Ryan a few times for shows as a guest and accompanies Ray whenever he goes too.

Hostile Connections:

Jaxson Idris (Annoyance): Helo and Jax never got along and always clashed with one another. Helo does not know what it is about Jax but the air around Jax always ruffles his feathers and sends him up a wall. Helo has tried in the past to bury the hatchet but it has always come to bite him in the ass. Jax will never receive mercy from Helo or his personal CTRL care; which Helo usually gives to his team members.

Pets:

None

→ History Helo was raised by loving parents and has always had a close relationship with the entire family; including siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. Helo grew up around the supernatural but did not grow up as a typical rat. Helo’s family, the Adama's, have always refused to sleep with tens of thousands of other rats. They enjoy the finer things and as a result, Helo grew up within a separate house which is unlike many of the local rats. While he did not follow in his families by joining GOLD, SKIN or RED, Helo did start his own team called CTRL when he was old enough. That won the approval of both his family and extended family. CTRL is in control of surveillance, tech support, data processing, basic hacking and virtual mapping. They are also in charge of accounting for SUGAR, research and development for BOND, and simple tracking for other teams. → The Present Helo’s love for technology is how he stumbled on an online dating app for supernaturals and how he met Hanna. Hanna was in Fort Wayne, Indiana when they were matched, but the two commuted alternating weekends to make it work. Hanna eventually moved up to Chicago to be with Helo and join his pack. Hanna moved to Chicago only 6 months after meeting face to face for the first time. They celebrated their 5 years anniversary where Helo had proposed to Hanna. They are slowly planning their wedding much to everyone's cringe. A lot of people disapprove but Helo has always known what he wanted, and it has yet to come to bite him in the ass. Helo’s immediate family and his best friend, Louis seem to be the only ones that are in support of how quickly their relationship is moving.

Helo’s to-do-list has been overflowing for CTRL. He is slowly but surely knocking them all out by working overtime and pulling all nighters. Helo is working on big projects for BOND, GOLD, SKIN, RED and CAMO that has taken priority over other projects that he has been handing off to his team members. CTRL is currently without a second which Helo isn’t actively looking for but is willing to consider after missing an important wedding venue appointment.

[meraki-loki]

It’s Okay - Chris Evans x Reader Fic

Word Count: 1,771

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: fluff, suggestive material, slight adulty scenario

My very first public fic on tumblr! I hope you enjoy and feedback is very much appreciated!!

You take off your glasses and rub your face. You sigh heavily before whimpering and dropping your head on the desk.

"I don't understand this..." You whimper, nearly sobbing into your hands.

You were currently studying for your math exam. It was stressing you out because you couldn't understand this one topic that just so happens to be one of the most important.

You’ve watched millions of videos and read your textbook over and over. Yet you still can't comprehend it.

You were desperate to just stop and give up completely. Throw all these papers in the trash and give up but you can't. You have to pass this exam, you have to get a good score, you need to be the best.

You lift your head and wipe away the tears staining your cheeks, taking a deep breath.

Putting your glasses back on you pick up your pencil.

As you try to solve an example problem the front door opens. It was Chris.

"Baby? Are you still awake?" His voice carries through the hallway from the living room. As he set his coat and keys down he listened for a response.

Nothing.

He toed off his shoes before making his way to your shared bedroom.

You could hear his feet padding against the floorboards but you still paid no attention to him.

Your face was starting to hurt from how hard your brows were furrowed in confusion, only becoming more and more frustrated.

The door creaked open and the sweet voice of your boyfriend spoke, "Hey sweetheart. what're you doing still up? It's kind of late."

"Studying." You were not in the mood to be bothered. With your job and your exams you were very stressed out and couldn’t deal with any distraction.

"Oh. But it's late, you should rest. Knowing you you've been studying since you got home I’m sure you'll do amazing." Your mind barely registered the surprise and the small hint of hurt in his voice but it also quickly dismissed it.

He came up behind you and placed his large hands on your shoulders trying to coax you to bed.

"No i can't. I need to get it all right. I need to understand everything. I have to." You moved your shoulders hoping he'd take them off and let you study but he didn't.

He sighs and spins your chair around, kneeling in front of you.

Shining baby blue eyes stare into your own.

"Babe. You have to relax. You're gonna do great I know you are. All you do is study and-"

You cut him off, "Chris you don't understand. I don't need to do great, I need to do amazing! I need to be one of the best. And if you're gonna keep bothering me just leave."

Your harsh words obviously take a toll on him as hurt flashes in his gorgeous blue eyes.

He doesn't say anything and stands back up. Closing your eyes, you place your head in your hands as you hear the bedroom door close shut.

You try to continue my studying but now all you can think about is how you harsh you were to Chris just now. The person you trust with your life, the person you love with all that you are, and you hurt him.

Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, throat burning, making it harder to breath.

Everything hits you all at once and you break. You cry silently, hoping Chris won’t hear you.

All of your stress and anxiety really hits you all at once and you can’t stop it. You cry for a couple of minutes before wiping your face dry and stepping out of the room to find Chris.

You step into the living room and look into the kitchen but he isn't there. The bathroom was also empty when you passed by it.

Tears well up in your eyes and panic fills your mind. You brace yourself on the wall and breathe heavily, trying to ground yourself.

You push off of the wall and make your way to the last spot that you haven’t checked.

A special spot to either be together or in some cases be alone.

You remember the day you were left to explore the house together and you both instantly knew it was perfect.

It was a beautiful fall evening when the house's real estate agent left us to explore on our own.

I was walking down the hallway when I found a staircase leading upwards.

That's weird. I thought this was only one floor. Hm.

"Hey babe! Come look!" I yell out to my beloved.

"What's up sweetheart? Ooh I wonder where this leads."

We both went up the stairs to find a gorgeous balcony that overlooked the backyard. You could see the sun setting in the horizon over the trees.

"Oh wow. This is amazing. I bet this would look beautiful at night when everything is covered in a blanket of darkness."

I stood at the railing, feeling his warm hands on me. One on my hip, the other sneakily trying to slip under my shirt.

"You and your writer words. You know you'd look beautiful under my blankets tonight." He whispered in my ear. I couldn't see his face but I knew he had a stupid shit-eating grin.

I raise my hand and hit the mass of muscle that is his bicep, giggling, "Chris shut up!"

He chuckles and I feel his warm palm press against my bare stomach, "You say stop but your body says something else baby."

I feel his warm breath on the side of my neck as he whispers and presses a small kiss.

I turn around and flip the position so that he's now leaning against the railing.

His hands are planted on my hips and I push myself closer to him, spreading his legs.

He gives me his signature smile and I take one hand and slide it up his shirt, feeling his smooth skin and muscle, whispering in his ear, "I don't think it's just my body that's saying something."

I wrap my free hand around his neck and weave my fingers through his hair tugging a bit causing him groan softly.

"Now, weren't you saying no earlier?" he says.

I lean in closely brushing my lips with his. I see the different shades of blue in his eyes as he stares at me intently.

Chris bites his lower lip, trying to suppress a smile, and lowers his hands to grip my butt.

He smirks when I gasp quietly, "Sorry but you know I'm an ass man."

At that I laugh and press my forehead on his.

"I love you, you dork."

"I love you more sweetheart."

You run up the stairs going up 2 steps at a time.

By now the tears have created a slight pulsating headache and your heart was beating faster than ever.

If he isn't out there you may just lose it all.

You stop at the door and take a breath to calm down. Slowly you push the door open.

Mentally you let out a sigh of relief but physically you don’t think you were breathing at all.

Chris' head turns to side slightly as he hears the door creak open, peering behind him. He lets out a sigh, his body visibly slumps against the railing.

The moon is so big and bright tonight that it lights up the entire balcony as if it was on a movie set.

My tears start running again and this time you know for sure they won't stop. You let out an almost choking and strangled sound.

And just as he turns around you latch yourself around his torso, only seeing his worried face for a split second.

"Hey, hey what's wrong?" He forgets why he was upset and tries to get you to look at him but you shake your head and cry into his chest.

"I-I'm sorry. I s-shouldn't have acted t-that way towards y-you." You stutter as you try to apologize but it proves difficult as you basically choke on a mixture of your tears and sobs that rock your body.

Chris doesn't say anything and instead holds you tightly. One arm around your shoulder, the other holding your head, and his cheek pressed against your hair.

"I was s-so stressed but I s-shouldn't have taken it out on you. I was so scared you'd l-leave me."

Chris shushes tries to shush you and holds you tighter if that was even possible.

“I’m s-so s-sorry. Don’t leave me. Please.”

He doesn’t say anything, just places a lingering kiss on your head and lets you cry.

When your sobbing turns into small sniffles he sits you down on one of the balcony chairs and kneels in front of you like earlier.

He rubs soothing circles into your knee and simply stares at you lovingly.

You think about the moment that you blew up at Chris and your face crumbles again, eyes welling up with tears.

Chris looks up at and wipes away a stray tear,”Hey. Don’t worry about it. You’re okay. I understand, you’re stressed. Don’t feel bad sweetie.”

“I’m sorry.” You mumble looking down at your hands before looking back up to him.

He smiles and can see that his eyes are full of worry and love.

“Come on, let's go inside,” He stands up and takes your hand leading you to your shared bedroom

He strips down to some pajama pants, pulls back the covers and climbs in pulling you into his broad and bare chest.

When he settles in with your arms around his waist he speaks, “You’re gonna do amazing. Don’t doubt yourself ever, you’re the smartest person I know.”

He takes your head into his warm hands and says, “And don’t ever think I’d leave you. You are the light of my life y/n. You understand my job is unpredictable and I can be gone for so long but you still stay here. With me. Most people would grow tired of it but you don’t. You have no idea how grateful I am for you, I would never leave you. I love you so much, you can’t even imagine.”

Tears yet again fill your eyes and his eyes crease and fill with worry yet again.

You let out a small laugh, “They’re happy tears, Chris. I’m so happy and I love you more than you could ever know.”

The rest of the night is full of you both quietly talking and sharing small quick kisses until you finally fall asleep in each other’s arms.

[perlukafarinn]

Movies (I saw) of the 2010s, ranked

Because I had lots of better things to do but no inclination to do them.

As I went through all the new releases I watched this decade, a few things came to mind: 

I missed so much! Most recently, I still haven’t seen Parasite, The Lighthouse or The Irishman. I’ve also seen only one of Disney’s live action remakes, two out of four Star Wars films of the decade, and I’ve missed quite a few of Marvel and DC’s outings. My tendency to mostly watch older films came to bite me in the ass here. But c’est la vie, there’s only so many hours in the day! 

A huge part of my viewing history took place during film festivals, so festival movies are way over-represented here. I’m not mad about it.

There’s not too many outright bad movies on my list, because I tend to avoid movies that look bad or like I might not like them (shocker, I know). Even the ones in my bottom ten aren’t as dreadful as I was expecting. 

There’s no way I can rank all these films numerically! What about movies that I can tell are good but just aren’t for me? What about movies that are bad but enjoyable? How can you compare tired Oscar-bait with soulless blockbusters? It’s impossible!

Hence these categories. I’m doing a top 10 worst and best, and the categories go roughly from worse to better movies, but otherwise this isn’t based on quality so much as what clever category names I could come up with (or couldn’t, as the case may be). I’m also listing the movies within each category alphabetically because that’s even less ranking I need to do.

Buckle up, this is over 6000 words...

Oh, and if you don’t feel like reading the whole thing I still encourage you to reply with your own favorite movies of the decade! 

The Worst Exactly what it says on the tin. These movies aren’t just unenjoyable or disposable, they are actively unpleasant to watch. 

American Hustle (2013) Wait, this got how many Oscar nominations again??

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013) This movie is so bloated and yet they couldn’t find any time to actually develop most of the main characters? I had such a bad time watching this one, I ended up skipping out on the last part of the trilogy. 

Hurricane Bianca (2016) This looked like it might be enjoyably bad but it wasn’t. I still love Bianca Del Rio, don’t get me wrong, but her humor is not the kind you build a whole movie around, yet alone two. And yet…

Hurricane Bianca: From Russia With Hate (2018) Yeah, I watched them both. I’m a simple woman: I see Katya in a trailer, I watch. I really shouldn’t have bothered, this one is even worse.

Iron Man 2 (2010) Superhero fatigue got me bad in the past few years but even before then I hated this movie. Literally nothing enjoyable here, I was aggressively bored while watching. The Lack (2014) This is a movie about women, written and directed by a man, called “The Lack”. You might think I’m being uncharitable to say this movie is entirely about penis envy but the writer/director himself confirmed this at the Q&A I was at. This is why Q&As are always a bad idea, people!

Left Behind (2014) This one tips into “enjoyably bad” at times but in the end, it’s still two hours of your life wasted on a movie meant to make its Evangelical viewers feel vindicated in their horrible beliefs. Morgenrøde (2014) I have a fairly high tolerance for slow movies but this movie is sloooowwww and literally nothing happens in it. This is the movie that taught me not to trust it when festival brochures use the word “contemplative”.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010) Just dreadful. This is the worst kind of film in my books: the kind made to follow a trend, not to tell a story. 

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) It’s been eight years since the fourth PotC movie came out?? God, it’s been a long decade.

The Utterly Disposable I didn’t exactly have a bad time watching these but they left no impression on me. 

Alex Strangelove (2018)  Netflix has released so many unremarkable-looking teen movies this decade. This is one of the few I bothered to watch and it’s cute enough, I guess. 

Fyrir framan annað fólk (2016)  I am Icelandic but I don’t watch a whole lot of Icelandic movies and I feel kind of guilty about that. Not guilty enough to give a boring movie a pass, though.

Ghostbusters (2016)  This super did not need to exist and not even my love for Kate McKinnon makes it any less disposable. 

The Great Gatsby (2013)  At least it’s pretty.

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) I remember this getting a few laughs out of me but that’s about it.

The Imitation Game (2014) I think I just… don’t like Beneditch Cumberbatch? Sorry. This movie is the perfect expression of the bland, middle-of-the-road biopic, with the added mishandling of the subject’s sexuality.

Isn’t It Romantic (2019)  I love a good satire but this ain’t it, chief. This movie isn’t doing anything that Crazy Ex-Girlfriend hasn’t done 100x better.

John Carter (2012)  If you’re gonna throw this much money into something, you could at least hire a charismatic lead actor. Then again, it seemed to work for Avatar. Magic Mike (2012)  I did like that this sexy stripper movie kept showing how unhappy the main character is doing what he does as if that wouldn’t totally ruin the fantasy.

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)  Watched this on an airplane, which is fitting. This feels like a quintessential airplane movie; it’s mildly entertaining but ultimately disposable enough that it has completely slipped your mind by the time you reach baggage claim.

Paul (2011)  Occasionally funny, I think? Barely remember it tbh.

Planetary (2015)     There’s some interesting points buried in here but the movie’s too busy trying to look important to actually get them across effectively. Also feels surprisingly padded for just 80 minutes. Valentine’s Day (2010) Taylor Swift was actually kind of funny in this, which was a pleasant surprise. Zero impact otherwise. 

“I Have No Memory of This Place” Movies I literally could not remember watching until I had read the entire synopsis, but for one reason or another was not comfortable calling “disposable”. 

Bobby Sands: 66 Days (2015), The Departure (2017),  Hell Is Empty: All the Devils Are Here (2016), Innsæi (2016), Last of the Elephant Men (2015), Late Summer (2016), Speed Sisters (2015), Una (2016), The War Show (2016) Lumping all of these together because they’re all festival movies I have hardly any memory of and that I may have in fact fallen asleep over.

Incendies (2010)  Chalk this up to me seeing it almost a decade ago. When I finally remembered it, I could vaguely recall finding it affective. Probably due for a rewatch.

Prisoners (2013), Rush (2013), Warrior (2011) Around 2012-2014 I was working my way through IMdB’s top 250 list and I saw so many forgettable movies about men committing various violent acts. Literally can’t remember a single thing about these movies.

I’m So Sick of Superheroes Dear God Make It Stop I’d probably like some of these more if not for superhero fatigue but that is the trade-off for total global dominance. A couple of superhero movies did escape this category and you’ll see them later on my list.

Thor (2011), Iron Man Three (2013), Thor: The Dark World (2013), Captain America: Winter Soldier (2014), Guardians of the Galaxy (2014), Ant-Man (2015), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), Captain America: Civil War (2016), Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Lumping all of Marvel’s movies in this category together because I don’t really have a lot to say about Marvel anymore. Special mention to Winter Soldier for being the movie that soured on me the most and to Age of Ultron for in hindsight being the beginning of my superhero fatigue. 

The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Boy, this trilogy ended on a sour note.  Man of Steel (2013)  Confused story structure aside, this movie is utterly grey and joyless. It’s also army propaganda! 

X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) The only reason I watched this was because it was on IMdB’s top 250 list. Peter Dinklage was good in it, if I recall correctly.

Don’t Like This Nope.

12 Years a Slave (2013)  Very uncomfortable to sit through, which I get was the point, but I’m not sure it was the right choice. It honestly feels like misery porn.

Black Swan (2010) I’ve long made peace with the fact that Darren Aronofsky will just never click with me.

The Broken Circle Breakdown (2012) This movie is exhausting to watch because of the near constant country music playing. Loudly. 

Kate Plays Christine (2016)  This is a movie about a really interesting topic but instead of the real tragedy that actually happened it chooses to focus on an actress’s fictional struggle to connect with her role. I think the movie wanted us to think the struggle was real (heh) but for that they would’ve needed a better actress.  La La Land (2016)  I love classic musicals and I really wanted to like this movie but in the end I just couldn’t. As a movie it’s okay but it’s not a good musical and the whole white savior of jazz thing was……….. an odd choice.

Last Days in the Desert (2015)  I’m a sucker for good, thoughtful religious films. The idea of Jesus and the devil being played by the same actor was intriguing to me and I liked that the devil wasn’t evil so much as just tired. But ultimately, this movie felt a little too cold for me.

Magic Mike: XXL (2015)  I have no idea why every critic on the planet seems to love this movie. Strippers aggressively thrusting their crotch in your face is not sexy, it’s uncomfortable!

A Silent Voice (2016)  Melodramatic and not in the fun, over-the-top way.

Vonarstræti (2014) It’s good but it’s just not for me.

Wir Monster (2015) I saw this at a Q&A screening and decided I didn’t wanna stick around after the credits rolled. On my way out, I tripped and almost fell onto the actors as they were walking past me. That experience had a way bigger impact on me than the movie itself. Make of that what you will.

Guilty Pleasures/So Bad They’re Good An enjoyably bad movie is a better watch than a middlingly competent one.

#REALITYHIGH (2017)  Incredibly clichéd and tries way too hard to be “hip” or “lit” or whatever it is the kids were saying back in 2017. Don’t care, I’ve seen it four times. 

Bridget Jones’s Baby (2016) The first Bridget Jones is a highlight of the genre. The second one is just bad but the third tips over into enjoyably bad. I also loved having Renée Zellweger back on my screen!

A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish (2019) Recently watched this with my sister while baking and wrapping Christmas presents. It’s a terrible movie but we had fun (mostly by making fun of it).

Descendants (2015), Descendants 2 (2017), Descendants 3 (2019) I’m not apologizing for this even though I feel like I kind of should. 

The Kissing Booth (2018) This movie is like a 13-year-old’s first fanfic come to life so of course I’m gonna love it. Even if the love interest is incredibly unappealing.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012) Who would’ve thought at the start of the decade that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson would turn into indie darlings starring in one critically acclaimed film after the next? I love that for them.

Oscar Bait but I’m Not Biting Not sure the Oscars weren’t a mistake tbh.

The Artist (2011) I kind of enjoyed this but ultimately it’s watered-down Hollywood history made appealing to modern audiences and its aim is far higher than its reach.

Birdman (2014) It was a fun watch but it left no impression.

Darkest Hour (2017) Technically a good movie but such obvious Oscar bait I just couldn’t fully enjoy it.

The Help (2011) Let’s leave the white savior narrative behind in the 2010s, shall we?

The King’s Speech (2010) I love Colin Firth. I barely remember this movie.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017)  Don’t love that the racist cop is the most fully fleshed-out character in this movie while the black characters are all unnamed extras.   

Whiplash (2014) It’s just drumming, J.K. Simmons, it’s not that serious. 

I Feel Like I Should Like This More This category is mostly three camps, as you’ll see. 

120 battements par minute (2017), 69 Minutes of 86 Days (2017),  Fire at Sea (2016),  I, Daniel Blake (2016) All important movies with a worthy message that I just couldn’t connect with on a personal level.

Adieu au langage (2014), Before We Vanish (2017), Bridesmaids (2011), Jagten (2012),  A Separation (2011), Timbuktu (2014), Transit (2018), Winter’s Bone (2010) Critically acclaimed, maybe it’s just me?

Her (2013) The rest is all movies I expected to like more than I did. I’m not sure what didn’t click with this one. It’s been a while since I saw it.

Get Out (2017) I wasn’t gonna watch it because I don’t really watch horror so when I finally caved, I knew pretty much everything about it. Watching a movie the first time  knowing everything that happens in it and after seeing it dissected for months on end by every critic on the planet does take a lot of the enjoyment away, as it turns out.

Gone Girl (2014) Really thought I’d love it. It’s good just didn’t click with me.

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)  It’s pretty. Liam Neeson is always fun. 

Pacific Rim (2013)  Mako is great and I enjoy the chemistry between her and Raleigh but ultimately this one just kind of slipped out of my mind as soon as I’d seen it. 

Toni Erdmann (2016)  It’s too damn long!

The Tree of Life (2011)  I just watched this the other day so it’s very possible my opinion will change. I was expecting to love it but I… didn’t. It felt like this movie was trying too hard to be profound and important, at the cost of actually saying something, well, profound and important.

No Strong Feelings One Way or the Other I actually have nothing to say about any of these movies and most of them are good but they had to go somewhere.

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011), Boyhood (2014), Brave (2012), Creed (2015), Django Unchained (2012), Exit Through the Gift Shop (2010), Flavours of Youth (2018), Frozen (2013), The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012), Interstellar (2014), Intouchable (2011), The Jungle Book (2016), Monsters University (2013), Rogue One (2016), Schaste moe (2010), Shutter Island (2010), Three Identical Strangers (2018), To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018), Undir trénu (2017), Wreck-It Ralph (2012)

Middling Festival Fare I have nothing to say about these either but I couldn’t lump them in with the others. I mostly liked them more than the movies in the previous category and they took bigger risks. Some of them might even be great, just very much not my cup of tea.

3 Tage in Quiberon (2018), Acid Forest (2018), Amateurs in Space (2016), Barakah Meets Barakah (2015), Der Andständige (2014), Disappearance (2017), Dreams by the Sea (2017), En fremmed flytter ind (2017), Føniks (2018), The Girl Down Loch Aenzi (2016), God Exists, Her Name is Petrunija (2019), Gods of Molenbeek (2019), Jag är Ingrid (2015), Já, Olga Hepnarová (2016), Looking for Oum Kulthum (2017), Mister Universo (2016), Neruda (2016), The Raven and the Seagull (2018), Rester vertical (2016), Slow West (2015), Sugar Coated (2015), Summer Survivors (2018), Tickled (2016), Worldly Girl (2016)

Maybe Not the Best But a Lot of Fun Better than those guilty pleasures but generally pretty flawed. Austenland (2013) A very cute little romcom. Extra points for Jennifer Coolidge, the most underrated character actress of this century.

Baby Driver (2017) I feel like revisiting this one might not be as enjoyable for reasons that have nothing to do with the film’s quality but I had fun watching it in the theater. 

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010) I was a fan of this franchise from the start so even though this movie is kind of dour and dark, it was still a blast to watch. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011) Do I love every choice this movie made? No. But I saw this at a midnight screening, in full cosplay with my friends, in a theater packed with fans. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

I, Tonya (2017)  For a movie that contains so much abuse and such a bummer ending, it’s surprisingly entertaining!

The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)    Lego Batman is my favorite Batman.

Nothing Like a Dame (2018)  I just really love Maggie Smith.

On - drakon (2015) This movie feels like it was pitched as “Twilight but with dragons!”. It’s fun, though, and it’s got an interesting aesthetic and a proactive heroine who gets herself out of trouble with ingenuity and bravery.

Sing Street (2016) I love the soundtrack to this movie and the characters are incredibly endearing. The story is very simple in not a great way but it doesn’t need to be deep to be enjoyable.

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) I like that they skip the origin story for once and keep the scope of it fairly limited. A very nice little slice-of-life teen movie combined with a superhero flick. Tom Holland is a good Spider-Man. Would’ve been better without Iron Man tbh. Star Trek Beyond (2016)  I feel like they got the characters right here, which was a problem for the first Star Trek of the rebooted trilogy. It’s a fairly inconsequential movie but it’s a blast.

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015) I’m not the biggest Star Wars fan so I don’t have a lot of opinions here. It’s fun! Not a lot more I want from Star Wars. Ultimately didn’t intrigue me enough to wanna see the rest of the trilogy.

Ten no Chasuke (2015) This movie is a little weird, a little goofy and a lot of fun. I like the guy who just constantly lives through different movie plots because the angel writing his life can’t think of anything original, that tickled me.

Good Movies I Don’t Have a Clever Title Here They’re good movies, Brent. 

Barbara Rubin and the Exploding NY Underground (2018)  An enjoyable, well-made documentary but considering its subject matter disappointingly conventional.

Black Panther (2018) This movie could have been much better had it not been under the constraints of the MCU. Still one of the best offerings of the genre this decade.

Boy Meets Girl (2014) We need more movies like this. Not just for representation (although that is important) but also because cinema needs a greater variety of stories than are currently being told. 

Brooklyn (2015) The scope of this movie is very small but the characterization is nuanced and every aspect of the film goes towards furthering that. 

Bugs (2016) The focus of this movie is split between its very interesting subject matter (the use of bugs as food around the world) and the chefs we’re following around who kind of seem like dicks and honestly drag the movie down a lot.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)  Steve Rogers is one of my favorite MCU characters, purely on the strength of this movie. In a world where no one seems to know how to adapt Superman to film, it’s nice they got this one right.

Cloud Atlas (2012) This movie has such lofty ambitions and I admire it for that, even if the execution is off at times. But the use of yellowface is..... bad. It’s very bad and the directors should have known better. 

Cold War (2018) I love the music in this, which is good because it is near constant.

Damsel (2018) I love a deconstructed western and I love Robert Pattinson. It’s a shame that the female character at the center of the story wasn’t better developed, considering how much screen time she got.

Damsels in Distress (2011) This movie is quirky and cutesie, which isn’t everyone’s cup of tea (and usually isn’t mine) but I love it. Some solid acting goes a long way.

Der kommer en dag (2016) This movie is two hours of children suffering yet it comes across as so optimistic? I think it’s the space race stuff. Who doesn’t love the space race?

Frantz (2016) I am always down for stories that reckon with the effects of WWI. 

Future Baby (2016) There’s a scene in this movie where a surrogate mother gives birth and it is both very graphic and heart-wrenching. If the rest of the movie were more like that one scene, it’d be on my shortlist for the best of the decade.

Fyre (2019)  How was Fyre Festival a real thing that happened?

Girls Don’t Fly (2016) Girls don’t fly because the man training them to be pilots is a dick and treats them horribly. It’s a bummer but important to uncover. 

Hidden Figures (2016) Kevin Costner’s character needed to be written out - black stories that don’t involve “good” white people are both possible and necessary. But I adore all three main actresses and they do some amazing work.

Hjartasteinn (2016) The subject matter is cliché but it’s handled beautifully. 

The Lego Movie (2014) Everything is awesome! Everything is cool when you’re part of a team!

Journey to the Shore (2015) I honestly wasn’t sure how to feel for most of the run time of this movie but by the end it got me.

On Body and Soul (2017) This movie feels like a dream and I mean that in a good way.

The Salvation (2014) Have I mentioned that I love deconstructed westerns? Mads Mikkelsen is always on point, even with garbage material, but he’s got some good stuff to work with here.

Searching for Ingmar Bergman (2018) This movie made me more interested in its director, Margarethe von Trotta, than Bergman himself. Everyone should check out The Lost Honour of Katharina Blum!

The Shape of Water (2017) This movie is very much like a fairy-tale, which means it’s not particularly nuanced or complicated, but it is beautiful.

Still the Water (2014)  This movie starts with a cow being graphically slaughtered and yet the only word I can think of to describe it is “gentle”. But maybe skip the first five minutes if you’re sensitive to blood or animal death.

Studio 54 (2018) How were the 70s even real?

Sumarbörn (2017)    It’s a rare feat to get such good acting out of child actors.

Thor: Ragnarök (2017)    The best MCU movie. It’s a lot of fun without once losing its heart, which is a rare thing for Marvel (just google the words “bathos” and “mcu”, other people have covered this already). 

Warm Bodies (2013) The cutest rom-com of the decade features a zombie as its main lead. I’m not mad about it.

Wild Tales (2014) The dissonance between the realist shooting style and the cartoonish violence often results in some excellent dark humor. The rest of the time, it just feels kind of off. 

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013) Jordan Belfast is both a lot of fun and utterly despicable and the movie is not afraid to go as balls to the walls as it needs to.

The Young Karl Marx (2017) So like... Marx and Engel were into each other? At least a little, right?

Great Movies Also No Clever Title

Andið eðlilega (2018) Okay so I don’t watch a lot of Icelandic cinema but from what I have seen, I am incredibly encouraged by the direction it is heading. Call this exhibit A.

Ága (2018)  This movie is very slow and not a lot happens but that’s kind of why it works so well. It hooked me in and had me genuinely interested in every uneventful scene.

Brecht’s Threepenny Film (2018)  I walked away feeling like I’d understood maybe one third of this film but it left me with a feeling of exhilaration that’s hard to define and that few films manage.

Les aventures extraordinaires d'Adèle Blanc-Sec (2010)  Adèle Blanc-Sec is like Tintin and Indiana Jones combined except way better. In a just world, she would be a much more popular character and the reported film trilogy would have actually happened.

En duva satt på en gren och funderade på tillvaron (2014)  This movie is delightfully weird and messed up. Nothing more to say here.

The Favourite (2018)  I was honestly expecting to be let down by this movie after all the overwhelming praise but as it turns out, it deserved all of the accolades and possibly more.

Gravity (2013)  This movie was kind of marketed as “realistic sci-fi” and while I can’t say it felt particularly real, the emotional arc sure as hell did.

Inception (2010) The complexity of this film was vastly over-hyped but it’s still the best work I’ve seen by Nolan (though to be fair, I still haven’t seen Dunkirk).  Kreuzweg (2014) The film is composed of just fourteen still shots, representing the Stations of the Cross. That could have come across as really gimmicky but it works because the shots are well staged and the material is just that good. Loveless (2017) This is the bleakest, most depressing movie I think I’ve ever seen.  The Martian (2015)  The best thing about this movie is the way it shows the world coming together just to save this one guy. International cooperation is the future!

Paradies: Liebe (2012)  This is a movie about sex tourism and it is as unpleasant to watch as that sounds. But it’s also incredible. 

Paradies: Hoffnung (2013)  The third in Seidl’s paradise trilogy (I missed the middle part, don’t remember why). Just as messed up as Liebe but mildly more palatable.

Une nouvelle amie (2014)  I saw this movie with my dad, which was kind of awkward, but that doesn’t take away from its beauty. We really do need more stories like this.

Tale of Tales (2015)  I am always here for a fairytale adaptation, particularly ones that stick close to the dark, gruesome, humorous tone of most traditional fairytales. 

Welcome to Norway (2016)  This movie is just really, really funny.

White God (2014) If you’re sensitive to animal abuse then this is not the film for you. The dogs in this movie actually won the Palm Dog Award and it was well deserved. They’re very good dogs! Tom of Finland (2017) How refreshing to see a movie about a historical gay person that isn’t all death and tragedy! It does have some of that, unavoidably, but it’s also a lot of fun and ultimately is a celebration of a very important sub-cultural figure.

Vinterbrødre (2017) I wasn’t expecting a movie set in a mining community to look this beautiful. 

Wonder Woman (2017) The best superhero movie of the decade, despite the slightly messy third act. It’s such an earnest, hopeful movie and unlike most films of the genre, it’s not afraid to take itself seriously or to come across as cheesy. Superheroes are cheesy! That’s one of the best things about them!

Amazing Animation I don’t like animation being singled out from live action as if it’s somehow less, but I wanted to highlight how many excellent animated films were made this decade. 

The Breadwinner (2017) I’ve seen this film’s production company, Cartoon Saloon, been called the Irish version of Disney but Disney has never made anything half this daring. Coco (2017)  The ending made me sob like a little kid. This movie doesn’t get enough credit for being one of only two Pixar films this decade to live up to their early work.

How to Train Your Dragon (2010) The flight scenes in this movie gave me actual vertigo and I loved it.

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)  The rare sequel that’s actually better than the original! For all the franchises that exist out there just to continue milking that cash cow, it’s nice to see something get continued because the filmmakers had more stories to tell.

Loving Vincent (2017)  This movie has been criticized for a weak plot, to which I say: it’s an animated movie made up of oil paintings! Do you really care about the plot? Sometimes the spectacle is all you need, especially when it’s something that touches you as deeply as Vincent van Gogh’s art does.

Moana (2016)  Moana’s scenes with her grandmother and Te Fiti are up there with some of the most emotionally evocative stuff to come out of Disney studios. It’s a pity the rest of the movie couldn’t quite live up to that.

Rise of the Guardians (2012)  Mostly, this movie just looks incredible. I am also an eternal sucker for Chris Pine, even if his voice sounds weird coming out of a teenager’s mouth.  

Song of the Sea (2014)  This is the most beautiful animated film I’ve ever seen outside of Studio Ghibli’s best, both the look and the feel of it. 

Tangled (2010) I know I sound like an old fogy but this movie would’ve been much better if it had been traditionally animated. Still pretty good!

Toy Story 3 (2010) It’s been nine years since the third Toy Story came out?? Christ, this decade.

Your Name (2016) I really should be watching more anime.

Zootopia (2016) Disney’s best work since Treasure Planet, which is an underrated masterpiece. It’s almost worth the resurgence in furries (jk furries, you’re okay).

This Is Why You Guys Should Be Watching Documentaries Because documentaries are a seriously underrated art form.

Ama-San (2016) This is the kind of cinema vérité filmmaking I live for.

Behind the Curve (2018) The existence of flat earthers remains baffling (well, maybe not that baffling when you look at the rest of our society) but this documentary is excellent.

Dawson City: Frozen Time (2016)  This is a documentary about a cache of lost silent films that were found in the 70s and most of the movie is silent, with information being conveyed through text and images. It’s these kinds of choices that elevate a good documentary beyond just educational programming.

Exodus: Where I Come From Is Disappearing (2016)  Absolutely heart-wrenching. It’s difficult to watch but the issues it discusses shouldn’t be looked away from. 

Foodies (2014) There’s a foodie in this movie who rates his food on looks before he even tastes it and a chef whose signature dish is a dessert called “sex on the beach” which includes a very realistic-looking used condom. I wanted those two to meet but they never did and that is my one criticism of this film.

Free Solo (2018)  I developed a fear of heights after watching this movie.

The Great Green Wall (2019)  I had never heard of the great green wall before seeing this movie. It’s so surreal to get a window into a society where no one is arguing about climate change because they are already undeniably feeling the effects of it. And by strange, I mean incredibly sad and upsetting.

How to Let Go of the World: and Love All the Things Climate Can’t Change (2016)  Speaking of climate change. This movie takes on climate grief and shows why you can’t stop at that, why you need to push past it and keep fighting. I’d argue The Great Green Wall actually does that same thing and better but it’s still a very necessary message.

Into the Inferno (2016)  Werner Herzog is just. The best. Especially his documentaries.

Kismet (2014) This movie examines how art affects people by way of one of the least respected art forms out there (soap operas). I just really love that premise and the execution is even better.

Merchants of Doubt (2014) Honestly fuck every single person making money by hastening our descent towards climate catastrophe. Good movie, though.

My Scientology Movie (2015)  This was the first Louis Theroux movie I saw and it’s a great one to start with. For all they’ve been treated like a joke, Scientologists are actually pretty scary.

The Other Side of Everything (2017)  The personal is the political in this film. What an incredible look at the ways our past shapes our present and future. 

Pervert Park (2014) This movie fucked me up.

The Prison in Twelve Landscapes (2016) The conceit of this film is looking at the US prison system indirectly by keeping the camera outside the actual prisons and off actual prisoners. It works incredibly well, just astounding documentary film making. 

Push (2019)  Just when you thought you couldn’t hate the rental market any more!

Safari (2016) Fuck trophy hunters.

The Silence of Others (2018)  I didn’t even know about the Spanish 1977 Amnesty Law until I saw this movie. Maybe that’s just my own ignorance but I feel it shows how necessary documentaries like these are. 

Tower (2016) I cried like a baby watching this movie. Using rotoscope animation to tell the story of the 1966 shootings a the University of Texas was I think an excellent choice and made for a unique documentary.

Visages villages (2017) Agnès Varda is possibly my favorite director and it hurts to leave this one off the “best” list (call it an unofficial #11). Still not sure I shouldn’t have swapped out one of the actual top ten for it. 

Welcome to Sodom (2018) The world is so fucked up. 

It Stayed With Me Movies that left me reeling and that I couldn’t get out of my head for days after watching (call all of them an unofficial joint #12).

The Act of Killing (2012) Speaking of fucked up! It is absolutely surreal seeing these mass murderers try to justify their actions to the interviewers. “I was just doing my job” is no excuse and trying to use it as one is actually reprehensible. 

Arrival (2016) I didn’t actually see it until this year and I felt it couldn’t possibly live up to the hype but it did! It’s reminiscent of Interstellar in that in this ‘hard’ science fiction story the ultimate solution is based on an emotional revelation but Arrival pulled it off much better. The Congress (2013)  This is basically two movies in one; one is fairly grounded sci-fi and the other is just a straight up acid trip in film form. In any case, Robin Wright is absolutely flawless.

Carol (2015) Cate Blanchett please date me. Grüße aus Fukushima (2016)  I’m always gonna be a sucker for a movie about women connecting and helping each other through trauma. 

High Life (2018) I saw this one knowing nothing about it and ngl it shocked me a bit. The way it incrementally got more and more fucked up made me feel a bit like a frog being slowly boiled alive.  November (2017) The atmosphere this movie creates is unreal. Maybe not the strongest characterization but it balances a feeling of magic and wonder with just utter bleakness and it left me reeling. Paterson (2016) I can’t even fully explain why I loved this movie so much or why it stuck me. Mostly, it’s just so damn cozy.  The Square (2017) I mean, that scene with the ape man was fucked up right?  Tangerine (2015) I don’t think filming on your iPhone is the future of cinema or anything but it does show how accessible filmmaking is slowly becoming. Also, that scene of Alexandra performing Toyland is one of the best musical moments in cinema this decade and that is not up for debate. Team Hurricane (2017) I’ve never seen a movie with an aesthetic like this before (it’s very vaporwave) but this film is about and was mostly shot by a group of actual teenage girls. It’s a little melodramatic in places but at the same time that feels very sincere and the girls all clearly have a lot of talent and a lot to say.  Varda par Agnes (2019) This movie probably wouldn’t have stuck with me so much if Agnès Varda hadn’t died earlier this year. She is a truly unparalleled figure in film history.

The Best According to me, anyway. But I’m right.

Cameraperson (2016) This is a different kind of documentary filmmaking. What it most reminds me of is Beaches of Agnès (no, I’m never done talking about Agnès Varda) but even that is not a perfect comparison. It’s deeply personal while also covering an insane variety of topics.  Embrace of the Serpent (2015) This movie feels like a dream and I mean that in the best way possible. At turns beautiful, brutal, and absolutely baffling. The Florida Project (2017) I’ve seen this movie criticized for glorifying poverty and I can’t discount that opinion. For my part, I thought this movie did an incredible job balancing the world as seen through the eyes of a carefree child enjoying her summer and the dangerous, precarious reality of living in poverty.  Inside Out (2015) When Pixar gets it right, they get it really right. The Love Witch (2016) I just really, really love witches. The best looking live action movie of the decade. The fact that writer/director/editor/producer Anna Biller hasn’t made another film since is an actual crime.  Melancholia (2011) No movie has ever hit me this hard in such a visceral way; I was miserable for days after seeing it. Lars von Trier is an asshole but he knows how to film depression.  Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) Believe the hype, it is actually perfect. And I don’t even like action movies! Moonlight (2016) It’s rare to see a movie this deeply, devastatingly human. The final two shots of the film, paired together, are literally the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in a theater. Kona fer í stríð (2018) The best Icelandic movie that’s been made yet. Halldóra Geirharðsdóttir is a national treasure.  Shoplifters (2018) I mean, who’s expecting a movie called ‘Shoplifters’ to be so devastating? It’s such a painful film but it is also heartwarming and intimate.  Un couteau dans le coeur (2018) This movie is strange and funny and violent and gorgeous. I’ve never had such a good experience at a film festival as I did the two times I went to see this movie.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

So, I learned something recently...

Mary Kate Olsen (the top billed twin; I feel kinda bad for Ashley) is married to a man 17 years her senior, who also happens to be the half brother to the former President of France.

That sounds like the plot to one of their movies! Like, there’s a foreign exchange student at their school and they discover that he’s secretly foreign royalty.  I can picture the whole thing in my head, I’ve thought about this a lot:

It has a late 90s/early 2000s aesthetic; kinda grungey and “totally radical, dude!”

Twins Mary Jane and Kelsey are just your average upper middle class teenagers living in multi-million dollar beachfront property with their widower dad, a security guard with dreams of being a detective.  His firm just got a big contract to provide security for the visiting diplomats of the vaguely Eastern European kingdom of Slovotia (it’s generically foreign; funny accents, weird customs, offensive Slavic stereotypes, the works. The writers based it on Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia, Austria-Hungary, Ruritania, Backwardistan, etc)

At school, the girls are introduced to hunky Slovotian exchange student Nico.  He’s, like, SO cool, but he doesn’t flaunt it.  He’s quiet, tries not to make waves, and sneaks away at lunch to be by himself; the girls follow him and find him talking to a a burly bodyguard.  Turns out, he’s the Crown Prince of Slovotia!  His uncle, Count Bartok (who is clearly the antagonist but SHHH don’t tell anyone, we don’t know that yet) is visiting America as part of the Slovotian delegation; his brother, the King, wants to normalize relations with the west, but the Count doesn’t really like America.

Nico and his bodyguard Dolf (a hulking man of few words) ask the girls not to reveal his secret; he just wants to live a normal life, and be a normal teenager.  The girls decide to show him around town and introduce him to hip American concepts like the mall and beaches and fast food.

They buy a hot dog from a street vendor, and Nico looks appalled.  “My uncle, he say Americans, they are dogs, but I did not know they were to be eating them, yes?”

“They’re not really made out of dog, Nico!  Try it, you’ll like it.”

He takes one bite, and is enraptured.  “This is best thing I have ever to be eating!”  He walks over to the vendor and offers to buy him out.  “You there, meat monger. This dog that is hot, it is food fit for king!  I buy your shop, I pay ten million Slovotian Kronle, good price yes?”

“Sure thing, whatever you say boss!  Good price!  Great price!  My ticket’s finally come it, it’s easy street from here on out!”

They show him around “the city.”  It’s never specified which city that is though; they live on a beach and go surfing, so it might be LA, but there are hotdog vendors and people with Brooklyn accents, so it could just as well be New York.  Maybe there’s a shot in the middle of the film where the bad guys are looking at a satellite map of the USA, and the camera zooms into the center of the country, or there’s a blinking red dot somewhere on a random coast.  The point is that there is no definitive location; it’s just meant to represent whatever city is closest to the viewer’s hometown (the writers didn’t put that much effort into it because this is a no budget direct-to-VHS Mary Kate and Ashley movie.  What did you expect?)

Dolf follows them everywhere they go, and Nico complains that he wants to have some privacy.  “You do not be seeing other kids with bodyguards, yes?”  Wacky hijinks ensue as the trio try to evade him; there’s definitely a chase scene set to a punk rock song like SR-17′s ‘Right Now’ or something by Bowling For Soup.  They sit on a park bench reading newspapers as Dolf runs by, then hightail it in the opposite direction.  They casually steal hats and sunglasses from passersby to blend into the crowd.  They walk in line behind a couple buys carrying a sofa.  The chase ends with them hopping into a taxi and laughing with one another as we see Dolf give chase for a second before giving up in frustration.

Nico confides in the girls that life as a prince is not easy.  His father, King Vladimyr XVI, is always telling him how big a responsibility he has, how important he is to Slovotia’s future.  “My father, he tell me, Nico, you will one day be King, so you must to be acting like one, yes?”  It’s so hard to be royal, he can never just be himself, he has to act a certain way to make his parents happy.  The girls tell him that they know exactly what he means; high school isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either.  They have homework and chores, and they too have to act a certain way or the cool kids will think they’re a couple of losers with a capital L (Nico doesn’t understand what the word cool means, “what does temperature have to be doing with this?”)

Suddenly, the trio is attacked by some dude in a track suit and gold chains with a jersey accent; he tries to kidnap Nico, and just when all hope seems lost Dolf appears from nowhere and lifts the would-be abductor up by the collar.

They interrogate him; Dolf holds him by the ankles from a second story window.  “I ain’t sayins nothin, youse will never get a word outta me.”

Dolf says that if he doesn’t start talking he will disappear.  “Maybe you wake up in gulag, yes?”

He sings like a canary.  He was hired by Count Bartok to kidnap Nico.  Bartok hates America and thinks his older brother Vladimyr is foolish for trying to normalize relations with them.  He hoped that by having Nico kidnapped, he could blame the American government and end the diplomatic mission early.  If anything were to happen to the boy, Bartok would become next in line to be king!  He’s going to blame the girls’ father for Nico’s disappearance because he was supposed to be head of security.

“That’s everything I know. Hey, I’m sorry, okays?  I just needed the money, ya know? I ain’t a bad guy, I’m just in a bad sitchy-ation.”  The girls tell Dolf that he can let the kidnapper go, but he takes this literally and drops him out of the window (onto a bush! He’s fine)

They have to race to city hall to meet the Slovotian delegation and stop Bartok from doing anything drastic.  Mary Kate plays the edgy tomboy, so she teaches Nico and Dolf how to skateboard so they can get across town super fast.  This sequence is filmed with a fish eye lens so it looks “totally bodacious.” As the group barrels down the crowded sidewalk, pedestrians leap out of their way.

They make it just in time to be locked out of the ceremony.  Bartok is giving a big speech condemning the Americans for kidnapping his poor nephew, and the girls have to watch helplessly as their dad is taken away in handcuffs.  Dolf uses his espionage training to break into city hall and get the trio into the sound booth undetected.

“Hey Dolf, where’d you learn to do all this stuff?”

“I have many skills” (he is implied to be ex-KGB and it’s played for laughs)

The girls interrupt Bartok’s speech with video they took of the kidnapper revealing his entire plan.  Bartok denies it, but the girls’ dad pulls some as-yet-unseen sleuthing skills out of his ass to prove that Bartok is lying, finally living his dream of being a detective.  Nico bursts into the room and orders the Slovotian guards to arrest his uncle, but Bartok pulls a pistol and holds one of the twins hostage.  Nico uses some of the American skills he learned to free her (he kicks his skateboard towards Bartok’s feet, and he slips on it)

Bartok is taken away, screaming that he would have gotten away with it were it not for those meddling twins, and the girls break the fourth wall by making a Scooby-Doo joke to the camera.  Nico delivers a heartfelt speech to the gathered crowd at city hall about how much he has come to love America and how he’s proud to be representing Slovotia and normalizing relations with the west.  He wants to open malls and hot dog stands and skateboard parks in Slovotia, and he gets a standing ovation as the mayor awards him the key to the city.

The girls are so proud of their dad, and he is just as proud of them.  Just then, King Vladimyr and Queen Anastasia themselves make a live appearance, apparently having flown all the way from Slovotia (it’s never explained how they got there so fast).  They thank the girls for helping their son, and award their father their kingdom’s highest honor. They even offer him a job as Dolf’s second in command, but he declines, saying he’d rather remain at his humble career and raise his family in the states.

The girls encourage Nico to tell his father how he feels.  He knows he will be king someday, but that is very far off, and he would like some time to just be a kid instead of a prince all the time.  The King decrees that Nico may stay in the United States and have a normal high school experience, “you are to be having twelve bodyguards instead of twenty now, good compromise, yes?”  The girls roll their eyes and laugh; Nico’s dad still has a lot to learn!

Nico tells the girls that they are “very cold” (he meant “cool,” but it’s the thought that counts)  He and Mary Kate kiss, and Ashley jokingly asks if he has a brother.  As it turns out, there’s a nerdy kid at school who is played by the same actor as Nico who’s had a crush on her for years, so she gets with him instead (once he takes off his glasses)

Freeze frame

THE END

Roll credits

80 minute run time

Return the tape to Blockbuster and never watch it again

[i-am-the-gay-shit]

The Machine of a Dream

SO... I'm totally suppose to be updating 'My only Sun'... But I have writers block and can't force anything new yet... I've re-written the 4th chapter... like... 10 times... So I'm taking a break from that! (Sorry to anyone waiting for that update, I promise to try and get it before the end of next week!) I've been listening to I'm in Love with My Car, and this idea came to mind. Enjoy:) This is a Smut! (Maylor. Sex scene. Please read at your own risk! <3)

The scenery passed so quickly it was just a blur of dark shadows, brown, and orange. The Radio blared some new song by The Sweet as the wind whipped through the open windows.

His arm hung out the window and tried to flow with the wind while he moved his head to the beat. His brown, unruly hair flying all over his face, but he didn't care. Not when the moment was so perfect... Speaking of perfect…

Looking over, he couldn't help the smile on his face grow wider as that blonde hair danced with the wind and those pink lips were spread in a pearly white smile. Dark sunglasses hid familiar brilliant blue eyes which was slightly disappointing, but not terribly. Oh no. Even still, his boy always looked so... sexy while driving like this... His left hand lazily holding the top of the wheel while his right arm was propped on the open window, hand tapping the visor to the rhythm. Only changing his right hand to the wheel when his left hand needed to shift.

They were far from London by now, on some older road surrounded by plains of dead, brown grass thanks to the cold autumn that had settled. The wind around them definitely had a bite to it, but neither of them wanted to let go of the free feeling it gave them. Speeding down the lonesome road with the radio at maximum volume. Singing to old classics they had grown up to, brand new songs, and everything in the middle. It was bliss.

"That was 'The Sweet', yeah?" Roger had to pretty much yell over the wind and the radio.

"Yeah... 'Fox on the run', I think they said." Brian nods with a smile, having to raise his own voice as well.

"Huh... It was good... Liked the beat." He heard Roger comment to himself as the song switched to a much more familiar tune.

"The machine of a dream, such a clean machine

With the pistons a pumpin', and the hubcaps all gleam..."

One of their own. Well. One of Rogers. One Brian was originally against. The lyrics were just... very... awkward. But he had to confess... after hearing Roger record and sing it... God he was captivated. He always forgot what an amazing voice his boyfriend had... Bohemian Rhapsody really brought some light into Roger's range, but this song... the raspy, deeper vocals... did something to him…

"Heh. Bet you didn't expect to hear this on the radio." Roger commented louder than his previous. Brian could hear the slight bitterness to his smug tone.

"Actually... I'm surprised this is the first time I've heard it on the radio." Brian said with complete honesty, keeping his eyes front. Out of the corner of his gaze, he saw Roger take his sunglasses off and look over at him. Probably trying to figure out if Brian was really being truthful or being a dick.

"...Seriously?" Roger asked, making Brian look over. Their eyes locking before Brian reached over and pushed Rogers face so he was looking at the road.

"Yes, I'm serious, Rog. I made fun of you before I heard the song, but after... Babe, your voice just made that song for me." He smiled as he watched Rogers eyes flicker from the road, to him, and back to the road. Almost like he was waiting for a mean comment. But it never came. Brian just smiled fondly before leaning his head back against the headrest and watch the scenery rush by.



"I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile

I'm in love with my car, string back gloves in my automolove"

Roger switched hands on the wheel to downshift, but before he could take his hand from the shift Brin reached over and gently put his hand over Rogers. Neither said anything. They didn't have to. Both silently watched the road as their fingers slowly entwined. Roger kept his speed steady so he didn't have to shift and so they could keep their hands together for as long as possible. Brian knew Roger hated driving in the city because they could never hold hands like this, and he also knew Roger took a personal pleasure from their small intimate touches. But he loved those sweet touches too.

"Bri... I have to downshift." His voice was soft and almost completely drowned out by the radio which now was blasting The Beatles - Hello, Goodbye, honestly one of their personal favorites but now wasn't the time to bring it up. Something in the blondes soft voice made Brian unease. Not in a bad way, he just knew his lover enough to know that calm and quiet almost always came before a storm.

Slowly he untangled their fingers and allowed Roger to operate his car fluently. Slowly down shifting as they lost speed, until the were off and parked at the side of the road. The upbeat tune was the only noise at this point since the wind had died down. They just sat there without a word, enjoying the peaceful scenery and song, before Brian looked over at Roger. The blonde was nodding his head to the beat while looking out his window.

"...Roger, you okay?" He asked softly, reaching hand over to place it on Rogers hand which was resting on his thigh. Slowly the blonde turned to face him. Blue eyes locking with hazel. Roger didn't look mad. He honestly didn't have any specific emotion written on his face. It was just kind of... blank. But from his eyes, Brian knew Roger was relaxed. But something was bothering him.

"Rog?" He spoke up when his lover didn't make a move to reply. Roger just smiled softly after a moment.

"...I love you, Brian." He said softly. He couldn't even hear the radio at this point. All he was focused on were those simple words that made him smile ear-to-ear like a school boy.

"I love you too, Roger." Brian replied with a warm smile before they both leaned in for a kiss. It was simple and soft, just like the words they had spoken. One kiss... two... three... four... Brian honestly loved when he could count their kisses. He didn't know why, but it was just a small detail he couldn't get enough of... Which was quite opposite for the younger man who would much rather a quick pace kiss. The vast difference between their likes and preferences always made Brian laugh. He wondered how they made it work, but somehow... they always made it work. Not flawlessly, but it still worked.

They pulled away slowly, still facing each other as they leaned back in their seats. Eyes barely breaking contact.

"...Do you really like the song?" Roger asks softly, averting his eyes.

"Babe, I love it.... now." He admitted. Roger shot a glare at him, making him chuckle. He turned the radio down before continuing. "Hey. It's no secret I didn't like it before. But after I heard you sing it... I really came to love it." Now Brian averted his eyes shyly.

He looked down at the stick shift and studied the numbers and pattern on the little head as if he never saw one before in his life before he heard the small click of Rogers seat belt, making him look up.

"Rog-"

He was cut off by Roger leaning in completely and taking his lips into a deeper kiss than their previous kisses. Brian let a small shocked noise come from his throat before closing his eyes and accepting the sweet lips and intoxicating tongue. He heard another click and felt his own seat belt loosen.

"Rog-"

Brain tried again but was once again unable to finish his sentence before the blondes lips were on his again. He felt Roger shift in his own seat as he pulled away for a moment. Brian was about to take this opportunity to speak up again, but was taken by surprise as the small blonde easily slid from the drivers seat to his own... Happily straddling his lap. Their eyes met for a slight moment and a spark just just ignited. Their lips meeting quickly, teeth clashing in the heat of the moment and tongues dancing together. Rogers hands gently cupping Brian's face as Brian held his hips. Their position was uncomfortable as hell, but neither really cared as their lips connected and reconnected in a series of searing, passionate  kisses.

"Roger-" kiss "-Meadows-" kiss "-Taylor-" kiss "-Are we really-" Kiss "-about to act like a couple of-" Kiss "-horny ass teenagers, and screw mindlessly in the back seat of your car with the radio playing?" Brian was finally able to get his entire sentence out by turning his face from those invading and wicked lips, which only smirked at Brian.

"Why, my dear, Brian Harold May. We are not teenagers, nor will we be mindlessly fucking. I prefer to call it "passionate, hot, sexy, love making". And we're not in the backseat. We're in the passenger's seat." Roger smirked as he spoke in a smart-ass tone. But let out a surprised squeak as Brian slapped his ass gently.

"Alright, smartass. Are we really going to act like horny ass adults and have a passionate, hot, love making session in the passenger's seat of your car?" Brian corrected himself with a fake annoyed tone. The smile on his face told Roger that he wasn't truly annoyed, just playing.

"Uh. You forgot 'sexy'. But I'll let it slide." Roger giggled as Brian gently smacked the back of his head this time. "But yes. To answer your question: That's exactly what we're about to do. Are you against it?" Roger cocked an eyebrow with that devilish smirk on his lips.

"Not in the slightest. Just wanted to make sure I had the story right~" Brian cooed before catching Rogers lips in another deep kiss. This time their hands roamed. Brian let his hands gently cup the perfect curved of Rogers ass, loving the way the jeans fit him. While Roger wasn't wasting anytime and let his hands instantly start to unbutton the taller mans white shirt. It wasn't long until the shirt was long gone and thrown to the back. Rogers hands roaming Brian's broad shoulders, down to his arms, back up and down to his chest.

Brian let his hands rub and grip at the clothed ass of his lover, loving the small noises coming from the young mans throat. Especially loving the moan, breaking their kiss, when their clothed erections brushed against each other.

"Brian..." Roger breathed out before moaning again as Brian rolled his hips up, rubbing them together again, both of them moaning softly this time. Their lips soon met again with a new fire burning as their hips continuously moved against each other.

Rogers hand suddenly left Brian chest, reached down between the seat, and clicked a small button that sent Brian flying backward with the seat and breaking their kiss. Brian laid there in shocked for a moment, his brain slowly registering that Roger had made his seat go back, before being brought back to reality as Roger stripped off his shirt with no problem and threw it to the back. He suddenly hoped no other cars decided to take this back road for a Saturday drive, because he knew all they would see is Roger... Though from a far, he was sure Roger would look like a woman anyway...

"Hm... Distracted~?" Roger practically purred as he leaned down and kissed at Brian's neck.

"Kind of..." Brian hummed, enjoying the small assault on his neck. He loved when Roger licked and kissed at his neck...

"What's on your mind~?" Roger smirked against the skin before licking and giving a small bite, making Brian groan softly.

"Well..." Brian started but stopped as he let in a sharp breathe from the feeling of Roger's teeth on his neck. He cleared his throat before continuing. "I'm thinking about my hand on your grease gun~" Brian teased. He felt those lips stop dead in their tracks before Roger pulled away so that he was sitting up. Face in his hands and shoulders shaking as if he were crying, which made Brian sit up as best as he could. He didn't mean to make him cry!

"Rog, babe, I'm sorry! I didn't mean for that to be-" He started off in a panic before he heard a small giggle. Slowly he realized the blonde wasn't crying, but laughing. Slowly Roger removed his hands from his face and was laughing so hard his face was red and tears started to form in his eyes. This made Brian start to laugh too.

"I-I could have gone all fu-fucking night without hearing that, Brian!" Roger laughed out, trying to steady and calm himself which only made him laugh harder. Brian was laughing just as hard at this point.

"Yo-you're the one wh-who wrote the bloody lyrics!" Brian tried to say clearly between laughter.

"Doesn't mean you have to whisper them to me during sex!" They both laughed for a good minute or two before calming down. "Bloody, idiot..." Roger said in a whisper, smiling and shaking his head.

"Aw, but you love me?" Brian said innocently, laying back and giving big puppy dog eyes.

"You know I do." Roger smiled before leaning down and kissing Brian again, not as deep as before, but still a nice kiss.

"Wait. We have a situation to take care of before we start kissing again." Brian said softly, pulling away. Roger gave a confused look. "Your pants. They need to be off, Love."

"Oh... Yeah, I guess that's how sex works, huh?" Roger laughed softly. Brian smiled and nodded with a small hum. His hands making quick work of the blondes button and zipper, helping him struggle out of the jeans and underwear before tossing both in the back with their shirts.

"Well, that was a bloody nightmare." Roger huffed before straddling Brian again.

"Yeah? Imagine if we were trying to make out and do that at the same time." The taller said with an amused smile on his lips.

"Yeah, yeah." The blonde huffed again before opening the glove box and grabbing something. "Before you stop us again for something, here." He said before tossing a bottle of lube onto Brian's chest.

"I-.... Why do you have lube in the glove box?" Brian smirked, but Roger just rolled his eyes

"For when I have my hand on your grease gun." Roger said sarcastically, but Brian didn't have time to laugh. Their lips were pushed together and dancing again before he could register anything. His brain finally caught up and he took the lube from his chest. Opening in and pouring some on his hand without breaking their kiss.

He wrapped his left arm around Rogers waist as his slick, right hand brushed against his entrance before thrusting his first finger in. Roger moaned into their kiss as the digit easily entered him; his body still loose from their previous encounter. Brian knew he really didn't have to prepare his lover, but felt the need to anyway. If only to push Roger as close to the edge as he could get him before...

"Brian..." Roger gasped out, breaking their kiss. The older man just hummed before allowing a second finger to slip in, loving the gasps and whines coming from his lover as he moved his fingers in a scissor motion. He only spent a moment like this before thrusting a third finger and moving the fingers in out out easily.

"Fuck~! Brian..." Roger moaned out all of a sudden, making Brian smirk.

"Hm? Right there?" He asked as his fingers gently teased the same spot. Roger moaned out and whined. "What was that, babe? You need to use your words..." Brian cooed, his fingers brushing that spot again.

"Ah-ahhnn, fuck, Brian, right there... please..." Roger manages to moan out.

"Of course." Brian hums before letting his fingers continuously brush against his lovers prostate, not letting them hit full on, but definitely enough to making the man above him a moaning mess. He marveled at the way Roger's body arched slightly and hips pushed back against his fingers. The way his head leaned back and how he bit his bottom lip, like that was going to keep him quiet.

"Want more?" He asks softly, receiving a small whine as an answer, making him chuckle. "Okay..." He says before removing his fingers and grabbing the lube. Rogers fingers already working his zipper and pants just enough to pull his aching cock out. Humming softly, Brian poured some more lube on his hand before tossing the tube in the back seat and stroking his erection. Groaning softly at the cool, wet feeling. Though he didn't enjoy the feeling for long because Roger grew impatient and smacked his hand away. But Brian couldn't complain when he felt Roger's warm heat surround him slowly... well... he could complain, but he sure as shit wasn't about to.

Groaning out, he closed his eyes and enjoyed his lover slowly taking all of him. The way they fit together was just perfect.  Brian couldn't be sure how long they took or when exactly Roger was completely seated on his lap, but he was in heaven the entire time.

Gently gripping on his lovers pale hips, he moved his hips softly. As if trying to ask permission to move without words. Roger gasped softly before resting his hands on Brian's shoulders to steady himself. Slowly lifting himself up, until the head of Brian's cock was almost ready to slip out, before letting gravity guide him back down. They both moaned and moved together, Brian slowly thrusting up and Roger sinks back down. Both trying to find a comfortable position before speeding their rhythm up. Soon the only sound that filled the air around them was the lewd, wet sound of their skin meeting and both of their moans.

"Brian~~! Fuck~! Right there, babe~" Roger moaned out, throwing his head back in pleasure. Brian gripped his hips tighter before thrusting up harder, right into his sweet spot. Roger moaned out and quickened his pace. Brian could tell the blonde was already close and just let him take the control he needed. Slamming down and speeding up, pleasuring them both. He had no complaints and enjoyed laying back in pleasure; watching that blonde hair bounce softly, eyes close tightly, and mouth hang open slightly. He could probably come at that sight alone...

"Ffffffffuck, Brian~!" Rogers voice whines and moans as he rides his lover like no tomorrow.

"Go on, babe... Roger, come for me... Come on, babe..." Brian encourages softly between moans. Roger didn't need to be told twice before tightening around Brian's cock and coming, riding out his orgasam as Brian moans and bucks his hips up. His own release flowing close behind.

"Fuck..." Roger pants out, letting himself slowly relax. Brian's hands gently massaging his hips. Without anymore words, Roger laid down and snuggled to Brian. Both enjoying the quiet of the evening.

It was around 1 am when they finally got back to London. Both walking side by side, arm around the others waist, into their shared apartment for the band. Neither was surprised to see the TV or their two bandmates snuggling on the couch.

"We were wondering about you two..." John said softly, not taking his eyes off the action packed, cheesy movie playing.

"We just took a drive..." Brian said simply. John's eyes flickered to Brian and then to Roger, noting their messy hair and clothes. But he didn't say anything, instead he just looked back at the TV, not even wanting to know what the two really did.

"Oh, guess what we heard on the radio today..." Freddie muttered sleepily as they two walked past the couch and to the stairs.

"With my hand on your grease gun?" Roger whispered before bursting into a fit of giggles, making Brian smile widely and bite his lip to try and not laugh. The comment didn't go unnoticed by their friends, but again John just looked at them before looking away, shaking his head. While Freddie just looked over in a confused, sleepy state of mind, before John simply just put his hand on Freddie's head and guided him back to lay on his chest. Trying to ignore the giggling duo headed for their room.

[shireness-says]

If I Could See Your Face Once More (3/6)

Summary: This time, there’s no celebration at Granny’s when the latest crisis has been resolved. Instead, they’re left to deal with the body of Killian Jones. A 5B canon divergence where Killian dies in Camelot, never becoming a Dark One. Rated T for language. Also on AO3. ~6.6K. Chapter 1 Chapter 2

A/N: I ended up switching days to post my third @csmarchmadness, so here’s Chapter 3, a day earlier than expected! Thanks, as always, to @xemmaloveskillianx for organizing the even and @snidgetsafan for beta-ing, as well as the discord ladies for helping me figure out where parts of this section were going. 

Thanks for all your wonderful feedback so far - I’m so glad you’re liking where I’ve taken this! I’ll have Chapter 4 up as soon as I can - it’s about half written now, so hopefully I can buckle down on the rest. Brace yourselves for the angst, guys. 

Tagging: @thejollyroger-writer, @profdanglaisstuff, @captainsjedi, @ultraluckycatnd, @superchocovian, @snowbellewells, @killianjones4ever82, @wellhellotragic, @ohmakemeahercules. Shoot me a message if you want to be added to the list!

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think! I hope you enjoy!

As far as rude awakenings go, the entire house shaking has to top the list.

While half asleep, Killian had been happy to write it off as Emma tossing around in bed, as she’s prone to do (his favorite little bed hog), but as the shaking continues, shaking him fully out of slumber and straight into panic instead, it becomes obvious that something is happening. Something dire, something unusual even for the Underworld. It makes him sit bolt upright in bed, alert and trying to safely discern what the hell is going on as Emma grumbles incoherently at the sudden removal of her human pillow.

“Wake up, love,” he says urgently. When she just groans, not willing to rouse herself from her hazy dreamland, Killian resorts to shaking her. “Emma, love, you’ve got to wake up, something’s the matter.”

Just then, the shaking abruptly stops. Emma blearily blinks up at at him, blessedly awake. “Was something… shaking?” She asks groggily.

“Aye. I don’t know what,” he replies, quickly getting out of bed and moving to retrieve his trousers and shirt. Unlike certain blondes in his life, he’s always careful to fold his laundry and either put it away or into the dirty clothes basket instead of tossing them into corners willy-nilly.

“Well we’ve got to go find out!” Emma shoots right back, tossing the covers back and swinging her legs over the side of the mattress.

“Aye. I’d think it was an earthquake, but down here —” Killian’s train of thought is abruptly cut off as he hears a soft oof from Emma, followed by an alarming screech of bedsprings. When he whips back around from where he had been facing away from the bed, Emma is sitting wide-eyed, both hands gripping at the edge of the mattress.

Killian’s certain he’s never moved faster, crouching down in front of Emma in a flash and reaching for her hand. “Are you alright, Emma? Love, talk to me. Are you okay, is the baby okay?”

“Calm down, Captain. Everything’s fine, I just stood up too fast, blood rush or whatever.” Patting his hand briefly, she stands back up again, this time without any problems, and moves to collect her own jeans and sweater.

Emma may not seem too concerned, but the incident - small as it is - really throws things into harsh perspective. He’s already been wrestling with guilt over the fact that Emma’s here, in danger, in the first place - not to mention Henry and their unborn child - but this really reminds him of all the other, more mundane dangers facing them. Emma’s a woman of action; he’s always known that, it was one of the many myriad of things that made him fall in love with her in the first place. But that same impulsiveness, that same urge to help that drives her to action, puts her in a lot of dangerous situations - not just crazy things like this, things that would only happen to the Savior, but everyday dangers too. Her job as Sheriff doesn’t help; Storybrooke is a quiet town, but even quiet towns can host robberies gone wrong or domestic disputes or any number of other circumstances that might prove dangerous, or even deadly, to a bold sheriff too concerned with saving others to worry enough about herself.

“Maybe you should let us investigate this one, love,” he hazards cautiously. This will almost certainly come back to bite him, but he feels he can’t go without saying something. She already can only use her magic sparingly, and guns and swords won’t do much against the already deceased. Standing by while she charges into danger just feels like he’s playing a part in whatever harm might come to them.

Emma looks over at him as she pulls her jeans on, narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips in disapproval before turning back to button her pants. Their little one protrudes just enough that she’s had to rig up a new closure system with a hair binder, something Killian usually finds adorable, but today just reminds him of how much is at stake. “I’m fine, Killian,” she sighs, exasperation tinging her tone. “I’m not about to break.”

“I know you’re strong and hearty, love, but we don’t know what we’re facing out there. And there’s the babe to think about now, too,” he presses.

“What, so I’m supposed to just sit around here, twiddling my thumbs while everyone else rushes off into God only knows what? I’m supposed to be here to save you! I can’t do that just sitting on my ass!”

“I can’t let you do that though at the cost of your own life! I’m already dead, Emma - what the hell else can happen to me?”

Killian regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth, but there’s nothing to be done about it. Still, seeing the tears pooling at the bottom of her eyes is like a stab through his heart. He hopes they’re a product of her fluctuating hormones, but he’s afraid they’re not; that feels like denying responsibility anyways, and those tears are certainly his fault.

“Emma, love…” he tries again, reaching for her, but she just shakes her head and leaves the room, leaving Killian all alone. With a sigh, he turns to finish securing his brace and shrugging on a shirt.

Give them both a moment to calm down; then he’ll turn his attention to fixing the mess he’s made.

He doesn’t get a chance, though, Regina already waiting in their living room when Killian finally makes it down the stairs. He wants to go straight to Emma, to try and make up (or, ideally, come to some kind of compromise that keeps her safe but still involved) and put this whole thing behind them, but they can’t do that with Regina standing right there.

“Madame Mayor,” he nods. Things have never been exactly natural between himself and the former Evil Queen; it’s easiest to fall back on practiced formalities. Still, that won’t stop him from asking why she’s here. It is still his own house, after all, and a man is entitled to such things. “May I ask what you’re doing here, Your Majesty? Or how, for that matter, since I didn’t hear the front door or doorbell?”

Regina sniffs in mild disdain at the questioning; he probably shouldn’t have expected any less. “Unlike your girlfriend here,” she emphasizes, “there’s nothing wrong with my magic.” At Killian’s blank stare - more unamused than confused, in truth - she elaborates. “I transported myself over into your living room. You felt the disturbance I assume, unless you’re even more oblivious than I gave you credit for?” Ignoring the jibe, Killian nods curtly. “Well, my sister dearest managed to get herself pulled into a portal. With the baby at that.”

“Are they both alright?” Emma asks, blessedly keeping the focus on the problem at hand before the Queen goes off on a rant about her sister (deserved or not).

“Zelena twisted her ankle upon landing, but Vera’s fine.” It’s obvious from Regina’s tone which person’s wellbeing she finds important. “Hades had some underling waiting, but Greenie was able to scare him off with her magic. As far as anyone can tell, he wanted the baby for some purpose, and Zelena was just collateral damage.”

“Robin must be relieved that the little one is alright,” Killian comments. What was the baby’s name? Vera? Soon enough, he and Emma will have to be picking out names for their own babe, if they can just both make it out of the Underworld in one piece.

“He is. We both are,” Regina agrees, a smile almost teasing at the edges of her mouth before she snaps back to her businesslike facade again. “Zelena thinks she might know something, however, and I’d really like to get home and away from the miserable bitch as soon as possible, so if you’re done with the small talk…” she trails off, fixing both Killian and Emma in turn with an expectant look.

Killian jumps to retrieve Emma’s heavy coat and his own leather jacket. They may not have a chance to talk for a while, not with the rush of everything happening, but maybe he can show his love, his care, his apology in smaller ways. She meets his eyes briefly as he opens the coat wide to slip her arms into, and he tries to put all the words he can’t yet say into a small smile; part apology, part reassurance, all love. Emma just looks away, though, reaching for her hat and gloves instead.

Not a good sign.

“I can only take you one at a time,” Regina warns brusquely, “so you’re going to have to wait a moment, Captain.”

“That’s fine,” he assures. “I should collect my brother anyways.”

“Are you sure that’s a wise idea, after his little disappearing act the other day?” Regina demands. She’s always cut straight to the point, and Killian usually appreciates that - hell, would admire it in anyone else - but he finds himself wishing she would perhaps mince her words just a bit. There’s something to be said for tact in small doses. It also reminds him that while the group at large knows that something happened yesterday for both he and Liam to suddenly disappear for hours on end, they don’t know all the detail of Liam’s betrayal.

“No, but for better or worse, I’m hoping he’ll have insights that will be of use to us.” Killian keeps things as vague as possible, but Regina looks like she suspects something’s up all the same. Not that it’s not warranted. The first order of business today will have to be making Liam confess to everyone. It’s as good a penance as any; Killian certainly wouldn’t want to face an angry Regina, let alone the Lady Snow. As much as he’s looking forward to his brother being interrogated by the Evil Queen, however, he’s not keen on receiving the same treatment himself. It’ll be a miracle if he can get out of the house without her demanding any more answers. “I’ll meet you at the Mayor’s Mansion as soon as I can,” he excuses, moving to leave. Things are still unsettled between himself and Emma, but it feels wrong to just leave without any gesture towards her, so he quickly drops a kiss on her cheek on his way to the door, letting their fingers brush in passing. She doesn’t say anything, or move to make it a real kiss, but she doesn’t pull away from him either, which Killian is willing to take as a small success.

Getting better.

It’s only a short walk from the house to the harbor, where Liam is already up and about on the Jolly Roger. “Brother!” he calls. “Did you feel the quaking?”

A burst of irritation fizzles through Killian’s veins. What does Liam think he is, some kind of imbecile? Brother knows best. It makes him wonder if his brother was always like this, and Killian was just too blinded by devotion to see it.

“Yes, that’s why I’m here,” he grinds out. “Gather whatever you need, we’re expected back at the Mayor’s Mansion.”

“I take it you’re still mad at me,” Liam comments on his way down the gangplank.

“Aye, well, it’s not exactly something you get over in only one night,” Killian snipes back.

“Killian, please —”

“No, this is what’s going to happen,” Killian interrupts. “We’re going to go and face Emma’s family - my family and friends, and explain exactly what you did, what you told Hades, what was on those pages. You are going to do everything you can to help us. And it still won’t fully make up for what you tried to do to me, what you tried to take from me, but it will at least be a start, and we can evaluate from there. Understood?”

“Aye, Brother, but what do you think this —”

“Further discussion will not be necessary.”

The rest of their walk is pretty quiet after that.

To his credit, Liam does confess to the group at large without any extra prodding. Reactions are almost exactly what Killian would have expected: Henry is furious at the betrayal, Belle is shocked, Snow seems to be hovering somewhere around maternal disappointment, and Regina rolls her eyes.

“Can you at least tell us what was on the pages?” she sighs, her voice sounding absolutely exhausted for this early in the day. That’s a feat, Killian can’t help but think as he watches the haughty mayor rub at her temples as if to make a headache go away.

“I wasn’t exactly looking too closely at their contents,” Liam admits with a wince. “All I can tell you is that illustration depicted some sort of rock, or gemstone.”

“It’s a crystal,” Zelena’s voice calls from the doorway, where she’d apparently limped over. “The Olympian Crystal.” Killian hadn’t seen her when he came in; he assumes they got the inevitable sniping out of the way before Killian arrived back at the Mayor’s Mansion with Liam. Not that he regrets missing it; even if he wasn’t already predisposed to dislike the Wicked Witch, especially after the incidents of the Second Curse - he’s not likely to soon forget her attempt to manipulate and drown him, thank you very much - her particular brand of constant drama isn’t to Killian’s taste. In his opinion, it’s never a good sign when he, the man who devoted centuries of his life to the pursuit of revenge, thinks you’ve gone a little too far.

“How can you be so certain of that?” Robin bites back. It’s harsher than Killian is used to from the easy-going bandit, but after everything Zelena has done to him, Killian supposes that’s warranted.

“Hades and I have clashed before. And unlike some of us here,” she says pointedly, “I’m willing to dig up a little research about my enemies so I can attack them head-on, instead of rushing in with some half-cocked plan.” There’s no telling who that was aimed at; probably Regina, but it could frankly apply to half the people in the room.

“Yes, you’re a champion researcher, we bow to you in awe,” Regina drawls sarcastically. “Do you want to tell the rest of the class about this ‘Olympic Crystal’, or do you just want to brag?”

“It’s the Olympian Crystal, since you obviously weren’t listening,” Zelena snaps back. Ah, siblings. “Supposedly, it’s a divine weapon that can be used to defeat Hades.”

“And you never used it? What a go-getter you are, sis.”

“He never came back after that frankly bizarre attempt to snatch Oz from under my nose, and unlike some people, I don’t feel the need to go actively looking for trouble! I never needed to use it!”

“Well maybe if you had we wouldn’t —”

“Alright,” David interrupts, blessedly so in Killian’s opinion. “Do you know where we can find this… Crystal?”

“No, Blondie,” Zelena sneers. “Like I said: I never needed to.”

That sits with all of them for a moment. This had seemed like such a good lead, but there’s nowhere to take it. Maybe the Crystal wouldn’t bring Killian back to life, but it could take Hades out of the picture, remove a major hurdle to their quest. But without any idea of where to find it, they’re just stuck.

“We could talk to the Apprentice,” Henry suggests suddenly. “I mean, he’s got to be down here, right?”

“That’s not a bad idea, actually,” Regina comments, the pride and surprise warring in her voice.

“Well done, lad,” Killian murmurs, nudging Henry affectionately.

“Okay, so we go see the Apprentice,” David says, no small amount of impatience tinging his tone and no doubt fueling his decisiveness on the matter.

“You can do that. I’ll start here with the baby, I couldn’t possibly walk on my ankle,” Zelena sniffs. With that, the room dissolves into a chaos of Robin and Regina protesting and insisting she can’t be left alone with Vera, as David starts just as loudly insisting that they need to leave right now, they can’t afford to waste time.

In the midst of all that, Killian takes the opportunity to tug on Emma’s sleeve. “Can we talk for a moment, love?”

She nods and follows him readily to an unused office, but still doesn’t say anything, instead crossing her arms over her chest and shifting from foot to foot. She looks nervous about this conversation, he realizes, and that helps a little bit.

“I’m sorry,” he says, diving right in. “I didn’t mean to suggest you were putting the baby in danger.”

“I know,” she replies quietly, still shuffling her feet. “My emotions are running so high right now, and I just…” she pauses, apparently collecting herself. “I just want to go home. With you. As soon as we can.”

“I know, love, I do too. I’m just horribly afraid that it’ll be at some awful cost. You’re already trapped here by that headstone. I’m thankful for everything you’re doing to save me, but I’m terrified it’ll be at the cost of someone else’s life - your own, or the Bean’s, or anyone else’s. Especially our child. You and I…” he pauses, organizing his thoughts. “You and I, we didn’t have happy childhoods. We didn’t even have safe childhoods, and I’ve always known that if I was lucky enough to have a child, I’d do my damndest to protect them for anything that might hurt them. The little one isn’t even here, and I already feel like I’ve failed at keeping them safe. What kind of parent does that?” he begs.

“It’s not your fault, Killian,” Emma assures him, stepping forward to cup his cheek in her hand. “You’re doing your best, and the fact that you’re trying is what’s going to make you a great dad.”

Killian smiles weakly back at her. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I know you can take care of yourself,” he assures Emma. “It’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with you. But with everything that’s going on, I just…” Worry. Overreact. Wonder if I’m really worth it all.

“I know,” Emma says, and he really thinks she might. She’s always been able to see right through him, after all. “There’s going to come a time where I need to do that, take a backseat, and I’ll let you fuss over me all you want then. But for now…”

“For now, you’ve got it,” Killian finishes. He’ll still worry, of course, still try to protect her when they’re out in the field, fighting the forces of evil, but how is that different from before, really? He’s been by her side since Neverland, trying to keep her safe and happy. Now there’s just a little someone else to watch over as well. “I love you,” he says, making sure to look her in the eyes and attempt to impart exactly how much he means the words.

“I love you too,” Emma smiles back, pressing up for a kiss. Killian’s hand drops to her waist out of habit, allowing his thumb to brush over her growing stomach. “Now, you ready to go see a magician about a crystal?”

“Aye, love. Lead the way.”

———

The Apprentice lives in the same little cottage that he did in the living world, though his window boxes and garden beds are sadly empty. This place isn’t conducive to any form of life, even that of a more botanical bent. In truth, Killian dreads this visit due to all the messy history between himself and the mystical old man. The Apprentice may have seemed to forgive Killian before his untimely death at the hands of the Darkness, despite everything he had done, but Killian isn’t sure he’s forgiven himself. No matter how many times Emma and Henry tell him that he can’t be held responsible for trapping the fairies and the Apprentice in the hat, no matter the fact that he knows Gold was pulling the strings that whole episode, Killian still feels guilty. Even if he wasn’t in control of himself at the time, he was the one that sucked everyone into some unspeakable in-between world, that had to listen to their screams and watch them fight against the portal’s winds. It was a terrible reminder of all the darkness he’s capable of and had succumbed to in the past. Facing the Apprentice is a terrible reminder of all that.

He doesn’t offer any judgement as he opens the door, though, doesn’t slam it in Killian’s face (as would be well deserved) or even demand to know why they’re here. Instead, he just nods knowingly before opening the door wider to let everyone through.

“You’re here about the Olympian Crystal,” the Apprentice says as they file past into his little parlor. It’s a statement, a fact, not a question. He knows this, and is just waiting for everyone else to realize it.

“Yes, actually,” Killian replies. A not-insignificant part of himself wants to know how exactly the Apprentice knew what they were here for, but it seems rude somehow to ask. Looking through their little crowd, his companions seem to be wondering the same thing, if their confused expressions are anything to go by - Regina being the obvious exception, far too regal and refined for such emotional transparency. The man is a powerful magician; who are they to demand an explanation for his methods?

Thankfully, the old man seems to sense their puzzlement. “My master’s book of prophecies has foretold many things, both in life and now in death,” he explains. Ah, yes, Merlin. Killian had been impressed, if somewhat intimidated, by the man’s powers of foresight in Camelot; with so many centuries on his hands, it makes a certain amount of sense that he put some of his visions down to paper for his Apprentice’s reference. “Please, sit,” he offers, sweeping an arm towards the old fashioned upholstered chairs. “I assume you have many questions.”

“Yes, actually,” Snow replies, apparently taking the lead in this conversation. That might be for the best, actually; she has more tact than any of the rest of them. “What exactly is this Crystal? We’ve only just learned of the existence of the myths surrounding it.”

“And what did those legends say?”

“That it has the power to defeat Hades,” Emma replies, cutting to the point. Never one to mince words, his love. “And it’s a real thing? Not just a story?”

“It’s a real thing,” the Apprentice confirms, “one of Zeus’ thunderbolts made into solid form. Its efficacy against a god has never been tested, and so is yet to be seen, but I can tell you this for certain: it’s a powerful tool with the power of life and death.”

“Does that mean we could use it to help Killian?” Henry asks eagerly. Killian and Emma both lean forward in anticipation of the answer, as if the closer proximity will give them better - or at least faster - news. Could this be it, the solution to their problem?

“In the right hands, yes,” the Apprentice agrees. Even that conditional agreement makes Killian’s heart race with hope. “It is beyond my knowledge how to use it, however. I assume that it’s a conduit of some kind - a tool to amplify magic, a divine wand.”

“We can work with that,” David nods, his face set in determination. This must have been how he looked back in the Enchanted Forest as the consort of a bandit princess - a solid born leader. “Emma’s the Savior - if any magic could activate the powers of the Crystal, it’d be hers.”

“And do you know where it is?” Emma asks, steering the conversation back on topic.

“The book says that when it fell from Olympus, it landed in the River of Lost Souls. Unfortunately, it was less illustrative as to the specifics of where in the River.”

“And I suppose that’s the toxic river we already had to deal with to rescue Hook in the first place,” Regina deadpans, eliciting a nod of confirmation from the Apprentice. “Excellent.”

“Yeah but if this is the thing that can bring Killian back with us —” Emma starts to argue, before Regina cuts her off.

“Yes, that’s fine, don’t jump down my throat. I’m not suggesting we don’t pursue this, I’m just saying that it’s going to be difficult. Remember the part where the waters basically steal your soul and wipe your memories?”

“I don’t suppose you have a solution for that?” Killian asks the Apprentice, quickly redirecting before Emma and Regina can snipe at each other any more.

The other man just shakes his head in the negative though, sending a chill through Killian’s lifeless veins. “So what, that’s a one-way trip for someone?”

“Perhaps the Crystal can undo the River’s damage, but that’s never been tested, of course,” the old man explains.

“And there’s no other way?” Belle asks.

“There’s tales of an ambrosia bush, but it’s been lost for centuries. Even Merlin’s records don’t offer any clue to its whereabouts.”

“And I can’t just… write it into existence?” Henry cuts in.

“That’s beyond the abilities of the Author. Your job is merely to record. Argue all you like,” he tells the collected group, “but this is the best way as things currently stand.”

“Yes, but it’s not actually a viable option, you see, because we’re not sacrificing anyone,” Killian explains, his patience officially having run out. “We’ll just have to find this ambrosia bush, then, because —”

“I’ll do it.”

All heads snap towards Liam at the sound of his voice. Surely he didn’t just say what Killian thinks he said? As they stare at him in shock, however, he repeats the words with even more firmness and determination. “I’ll do it. I’ll retrieve the Crystal.”

“Liam, you can’t —” Killian tries to protest, but it gets him nowhere.

“I’m the expendable one here, Brother,” he reminds Killian. “You and I are the only ones not living, and we’ve got to get you home. It has to be me.” More quietly, he adds a private plea for Killian’s ears only. “Let me do this, Killian. Let me make up for the hurt I’ve caused.”

“I can’t let you do it this way,” Killian insists. Of course he’s been furious with Liam, and still is in many ways, but this? This is going too far. This could turn Liam into a shade of himself if it fails.

“You have to, Killian. It’s the only way. Though I wouldn’t say no if your lady love were to cast some sort of protection spell,” he jokes in an attempt to lighten to mood. It doesn’t work, not in the least.

“He’s right,” Regina says. “We’ll try the protection spell, but as much as I hate to admit it, Captain Jones is right. He’s the one we can spare.”

(Killian especially hates hearing it from Regina, and especially like that - like his brother is just some tool to be used and disposed of.)

As much as Killian’s heart screams in protest at the thought of his brother sacrificing himself to possibly become nothing more than an empty shell, another permanent farewell, his head knows they’re right. It’s the only way, and if Killian wants to return to his future in the living world, he’s going to have to accept that sacrifice.

“It’s the only way,” he echoes softly, nodding in resignation.

He may be mad at his brother, but he never wanted this.

———

The cave system beneath the Underworld through which the River of Lost Souls flows is cold and damp, fostering a foreboding air as the chill sinks into all their bones. The otherworldly green glow of the River’s waters doesn’t help matters either, making the whole thing feel even more nightmarish in an already unworldly place. Curiously, it reminds Killian of the catacombs he once saw in a far off land, so long ago that he can’t remember the name anymore. The glimpse of metal structuring or the stone ledges carefully carved out of the rock is a bare reminder of human presence in this empty space - that this is somehow a place built by people, but not truly intended for them. The only word for it, truly, is eerie.

It takes less time to find the Crystal than expected - only a day and a half of searching - but they seem to simultaneously pass in a blink and stretch on forever. They’d divided into small groups to punt up and down the waterways - Killian, Emma, and her parents in one boat with Regina, Robin, and Liam in the other. There’d been some debate about the divide - David in particular had wanted to be in the other boat, seemingly wanting to keep a closer eye on Liam. That’s reasonable, Killian supposes, after everything that had been revealed earlier that day. It takes a good deal of scolding from both Emma and Snow to convince him to climb into their skiff, all capped off by a very charming “You’re being ridiculous, Dad, get over here before you piss Mom off even more. You’re coming with us.”

(Whatever works, right?)

Still, the squabbling is a waste of time. One thing they can all agree upon, however, is to keep Henry as far away from the search as possible. No one knows exactly what those waters would do to a living being, and they don’t care to find out - especially not with Henry. No one wants him anywhere near that water. Instead, he’s persuaded to stay up above with Belle, doing research about how to use this Crystal once they find it. Henry’s not happy about it, but he agrees eventually - especially when it becomes obvious that no one is caving. Ultimately, Killian thinks the only reason Henry goes without anymore fuss is that he’s tasked with the responsibility of watching over Belle and the baby, and especially of ensuring that Zelena doesn’t try to stage a kidnapping in Robin and Regina’s absence or otherwise betray them. Whatever it takes, Killian tells himself, and at least this lets the lad feel helpful. They’re not all disconnected from each other anyways - Regina rigs up a system of handheld mirrors to talk to each other in case problems arise or one of the parties actually finds the Crystal.

It’s Regina’s party that ultimately locates the bloody thing, somehow glowing even brighter underneath the murky green of the River of Souls. Ultimately, they decide to wait until the next morning to attempt to retrieve the Crystal itself, due both to time and the need to form a more concrete plan, and instead head home to rest. There’s a lot of discussion that night, none of which Killian particularly likes - especially since it relies on Emma casting a protection spell over Liam.

“That’s not my expertise,” Regina sniffs when Killian suggests she do it herself.  “Savior magic would be much more effective in this circumstance.”

Savior magic or not, though, the fact remains that magic has exhausted Emma since she became pregnant. There’s no hospital down here to go to if she passes out again, and Killian is terrified of something happening.

“It’ll be fine,” Emma tries to reassure him quietly, squeezing his hand in an attempt at comfort. “It’ll just be a moment and then you can make me rest.”

Under other circumstances, maybe Killian would try to argue or find another way, but the fact of the matter is that they’ve been backed into a corner. This is the only plan they have to rescue him from the Underworld, and the only way they can both retrieve the Crystal and offer Liam some marginal protection from the danger of the green waters is to draw upon Emma’s powers. There’s no other way. When Emma insists that she can do it, too, there’s even less point in trying to argue. It’s just how things will have to be.

Killian sits up for a drink with Liam that night, the last before Gods only know what will happen. It’s impossible to find the right words to say, though: I wish things were different? I don’t know if I forgive you, but I want to try? Thank you for what you’re about to do? I never needed you to make up for your actions in this way? I’ve never needed a hero, just a brother? Ever since Liam’s betrayal, Killian has been a mess of emotions, and his brother’s volunteering to retrieve the Crystal, more than likely at his own peril, has only added more conflicting feelings to the mix. This is the brother he remembers from his youth - the born leader, the man who’d rather put himself in danger before anyone else, but it seems almost disingenuous. Too little, too late and all that.

Still, as Liam drops his head after dragging minutes of silence, rising to deposit his glass in the sink, Killian feels that rush of panic that this might be the last time. “Liam…” he starts, forcing himself to try one last time to say everything on his mind, maybe find some sort of closure with the brother he’s idolized more than anyone only for him to let Killianhim down more than anyone elseever has. It doesn’t work; the words don’t magically appear upon his tongue, and his words trail off into nothing.

Nevertheless, Liam smiles and drops his hand to pat Killian’s shoulder. “I know, Brother,” he assures. And maybe he does. Liam was always good at understanding the words unsaid, and something about his face says that he sees all the mess of love and hurt and anger and worry on Killian’s own visage.

It doesn’t make things any easier when the fateful moment comes and Liam stands at the edge of the stone landing, stripped out of his shoes and coat and tying the end of a rope around his waist. It had been decided that, should worst come to worst, they’d need a way to retrieve Liam, with or without the Crystal. It’s entirely possible that due to the water’s properties, he could reach the Crystal and just forget to swim back up. In fact, there’s so many ways that this could go wrong, but Killian is trying not to think of any of them. Trying.

(Failing. All his fault…)

A small blessing is that Emma had cast a protection spell around Liam without any problems. Killian had hovered anxiously at her side, just in case she’d become faint again, but it had been unnecessary. Put it down to a good breakfast or her previous abstinence from using magic. At Killian’s pestering, she’d admitted that her magic, that well of power within her she’s never been able to fully describe, feels depleted, but as close as he’s watching, it hasn’t seemed to exhaust her body and mind along with it.

“I’m fine,” she smiles, squeezing his forearm affectionately, and he doesn’t have any reason not to believe that. Before she can drop her hand back down to her side, Killian quickly catches it, lacing their fingers together and squeezing back as he turns towards his brother.

“You don’t have to do this,” Killian offers one last time as Liam eyes the glowing green waters and the Crystal sunken beneath them.

Liam exhales a breath before turning to face Killian. “You know I do.” The silence of so many words unsaid, so many things they could say and should say and need to say hangs heavy in the air. Everyone else has the tact to give them a little space. Liam breaks the oppressive stillness to pull Killian into an almost aggressive hug. “I love you, Brother,” he whispers fiercely.

And really, that’s the crux of the matter, isn’t it? Beneath everything else Killian is feeling right now, he loves Liam. Always has, always will. That’s all that matters, especially now in what might be their last moments together is this goes poorly. “I love you too,” he whispers back into the flesh of Liam’s shoulder, the spot he always used to rest his head as a young lad, fighting the tears that threaten to fall.

When they break apart, Liam nods briskly, his face settling again into an expression of determination as he turns towards the rest of their little group. “Are you ready with the rope?” he asks.

“Whenever you are, Captain,” Robin promises with his usual good humor.

“No sense in waiting, then,” Liam concludes. And with a final brave smile in Killian’s direction, he executes a neat dive into the River.

It feels like an eternity, watching Liam dive ever deeper towards the bottom of the riverbed. Killian feels like he’s holding his breath the entire while, disregarding the fact that he no longer has any breath to hold. It’s terrifying to watch. The Crystal doesn’t appear to be too far below the surface, but Liam keeps swimming and swimming and reaching and reaching and never quite getting there. All the while, they can see Emma’s protective spell spark and fizzle, visibly disintegrating under the erosion of the waters. Even as Killian thinks it, he spots pieces flaking off and floating to the surface even as Liam is still forced to keep going. It feels like watching his brother die right before his eyes again, and Killian can’t do a damn thing to stop it.

By some miracle, though, Liam keeps going. They all stand ready by the rope, ready to pull him back up, but his brother doesn’t show any signs of the confusion the River of Souls could visit upon him. Maybe this could work, maybe all hope isn’t lost —

And it isn’t. Liam grabs onto the Crystal and Killian lets out all that breath he’d been holding unnecessarily, slumping forward with relief. Below the surface, Liam kicks off from the bottom and swims for the surface, ascending at what seems a much quicker pace than his descent. That may just be an illusion though; Killian knows how time can drag when faced with that kind of dread.

Liam breaks the water’s surface with a grin, shaking his head and sending droplets flying. “It seems there might be some truth to the stories about this thing,” he declares. “It certainly healed me.”

Killian lurches forward to envelop his brother in a desperate hug as soon as Liam is back on dry land. He can’t even bring himself to be bothered by the way Liam is no doubt soaking his clothes, so great is his relief. “Thank the gods it did,” he mutters. “Thank the gods you’re okay.”

“Of course I am, Brother,” Liam whispers back. “You thought I could leave you again?”

Killian holds tight for a moment longer before a pointed clearing of Regina’s throat breaks them apart. “Can we return to less humid ground now that we have the damn thing? Or are you two planning to stay down here for the foreseeable future?”

“After you, Your Majesty,” Killian gladly cedes. As they all settle back in the boats to make their way back towards the elevator and upper surface of the Underworld, Killian gladly pulls Emma into his side, dropping a kiss on the crown of her hair and drawing comfort from her presence. Finally, finally there’s a glimmer of hope that they might actually be able to save him.

When the elevator doors open, however, it’s to reveal their worst case scenario: Hades himself standing between the doors and where Belle is trying to protect Henry with her very body.

“So good of you to show up!” the god oozes. “Have I got a proposition for you!”

[funsize-lucifer-hongjoong]

We Are Stars for each other

 Here is Chapter one of my first fic. We are Stars for each other. It’s not great I’ll admit, but I’m a first time writer, so please take it easy on me. I’ll be posting chapters periodically here until we get up with my AO3 page (Links up top) 

RATING IS M FOR MATURE FOR EVENTUAL SMUT

Reader x Hongjoong (an maybe a pinch of wooyoung)

"Another beautiful day in Seoul", you think quietly to yourself as you walk to the nearest subway station.

It's only been a year since you moved, after a particularly nasty breakup. You needed change and what better way than to move across the world. When you finally caught your train, you stayed in deep thought, remembering how you got here in the first place.

Shortly before the big move, you contacted a friend of yours whom you went to High school with, Park Min Seo. She was an exchange student from South Korea, with a bubbly personality.

When she moved back to Seoul after College she became a model for an international agency, traveling all over the world. When you'd asked her if you could move in with her, just until you got on your feet, she said yes immediately. She added that she was gone for long periods of time, and it'd be nice to have someone to watch over her place while she was gone.

Then, a week later on your 30th birthday, you did it. You sold off your entire life and got on an airplane. When you landed at Incheon Airport you were overwhelmed by everything. The number of people, the noise, and the lights. Even at night, Seoul was lit up. It was going to be hard, and scary, but you knew it was everything you needed.

The first few months were hard. You wanted to give up and just go home. Your job was demanding at times, and you weren't used to it. Every day when you got up, you looked in the mirror to tell yourself, "Today is gonna be a better day, just keep pushing." Sometimes you'd say this to yourself with tears streaming down your face. It didn't matter though, your struggles had to end sometime, right?

---

Walking into your shared apartment, you spot Min Seo on the floor directly in front of the TV

"Another variety show? Do even watch those for the entertainment or just to see cute boys, Minie?" You teased her gently, knowing your pet name didn't sit so well with her.

She turned to you sharply, "Aish, Y/N! Be quiet! A new group is debuting and I've been watching their pre-debut for months!"

You put your hands up in defeat, a smile playing gently at your lips.

Min Seo had been there for you through all the ups and downs. Even when she wasn't home she was only a call or text away.

She had things she loved though, and K-pop was one of them. She would go on and on about her bias in this group or that, but to you, it wasn't important. You weren't particularly into K-pop. If a song was playing from a cafe or in a taxi you'd sing along what you'd heard before. There was just no time for it, you had work, and a life to live.

No sooner are you walking down the hallway to your room when you hear her scream. Quickly you turn around and run back into the living room to assess the damage she may have caused herself.

"Jesus, Min Seo you scared the life out of me! Are you alright?"

"Oh, my actual GOD! There's a fan event for Ateez next week. There's a hi-touch, a concert, and everything. I have to get tickets. Now." She says this as she's getting up to run to her phone, ordering what you presume is tickets for said event.

She looks up at you with a sad face, "Y/N, go with me, please? I don't want to go alone, and I know no one else will."

"Alright Minie, I'll go, but only to the concert. I don't like the idea of touching the hands of young men. You don't know where they've been." You shudder as the thought skipped through your mind.

Min Seo looks up from her phone with a smile on her face, "Good, 'cause I already bought two tickets."

The next week goes by without you realizing it. You're so busy at work, that by the time you get home you can barely shower and pass out. When finally Friday comes along to greet you with open arms.

"Thank Christ for the weekend." You say softly, as you sit down on your bed in exhaustion, knowing that sleep isn't far away.

Waking up was the worst part of it all. You suddenly remembered you had a concert to go to. The anxiety started to set in.

"What do people wear to these things?" You leaf through the clothes in your closet, "There's nothing in here but work clothes and pajamas for fuck's sake!" snatching a pair of jeans from your drawer.

Finally dressed in jeans and a plain shirt, your hair in a high ponytail, you couldn't be bothered to try.

With one final look in the mirror, "Well no one said I had to impress anyone."

"Sorry I took so long, I was doing my makeup!" Min Seo comes running through the kitchen, zipping her pants, "I hope we aren't late."

She's dressed beautifully, her hair is curled, and her makeup flawless. You secretly wished you had the ability to look so perfect with no effort.

"Are you trying to flirt with those boys, or kill them Minie? cause your ass, in those jeans, is gonna give 'em a heart attack!" Jokingly, you poke at her butt.

She looks almost insulted, "AISH! Does it look bad?! I can change into something else!"

"Oh no Minie, they look great, can we go now? There's a drama on tonight, and I'd like to make it home in time to watch it."

One cab and twenty minutes later, you're there. A small venue with high windows, on a modern white exterior.

Inside you can see a table and some chairs set up, a small stage on the other side with standing room, and posters adorning the walls with 8 men plastered on them, along with ATEEZ in orange lettering.

"Isn't San smoking hot? He's the most handsome bias I've ever had" Min Seo says, raising her eyebrow for added emphasis, as she drags you inside.

"Not really," you look at the poster above you, "None of them are. I'm here to support you Minie, not flirt with teenagers."

"Y/N! They're all of age, thank you very much!", she huffs in your direction before she turns toward a side door, "There they are! I'm dying right now."

When she pulls you to stand in the line, you see them all for the first time. Each one of them is dressed to perfection in red suits with gold accents and chains.

For a moment you find yourself thinking that they weren't too bad. Then you noticed all the boys were aggravating each other. They were pushing and laughing.

"Men acting like teenage boys, no surprise there." You say as you stand at the back of the room and out of the line.

You stand at the back, waiting for Min Seo when you feel someone staring from across the room. Scanning across the room, you see girls in line, security guards, and then a pair of green eyes.

At the end of the table is where he's sitting. He seems smaller than all the others. His hair is short on top, bangs barely brushing his forehead, but the length touches the top of his shoulders.

It was his eyes you couldn't get away from. They looked mischievous like he was up to something. You see him bite his lip, and the thought crosses your mind to go up and talk to him. You quickly force the urge back down.

You close your eyes and lean your head back, thinking, "Y/N, you're just doing this because you're starved for attention, don't be so desperate. He's a kid."

It was apparent when you came back to yourself that he wasn't just a kid. You tried to steal another look at him. He seemed busy with the girls coming up. Thoughtfully, you take his form in, and he looks like he was made to be an Idol.

Harmless staring turned into a bad idea when he sees you. Green eyes again, peering into your soul. Your breath hitches in your throat, a pink flush pulsing across your cheeks.

You look at him, slightly confused, "Does he think I'm a fan or something? 'Eh, it's probably just a misunderstanding."

Then you see it, he lifts his hand and waves. You're feeling flustered now, though you aren't sure why. With a slight raise of your hand, you wave back.

"Aw, isn't he cute. He thinks I'm a fan,"

A few moments later Min Seo runs up, red eyes and blushed cheeks, rambling a million miles a minute, "and San grabbed my hand and laid it against his face! Y/N? are you even listening?"

You snap back to reality, the face of the boy with the high cheeks in the front of your mind.

"Huh... Oh, sorry Minie, I was lost in thought." You played it off well, you think.

As the hi-touch ends, the workers come out and move tables and gifts out of the way. Girls were pushing and straining to see the boys as they walked over to the stage.

All 8 members are standing in a line and the little one introduces himself as Hongjoong, and they are Ateez.

Your eyes are stuck on the boy standing at the opposite end though, the tall one with grey hair. His eyes are haunting you, as he scans the crowd, smiling and waving. Young girls are screaming. It seems he's a hit with nearly all of them.

"Leave it to me, to like the one that everyone else likes." You roll your eyes as the thought passes your mind.

One thing that doesn't change, is the little guy at the end, his eyes keep drifting to you. As soon as you catch him, they dart away again. His cheeks are pink.

"I need to get in touch with their makeup artist," you decide, "They all look like they're in love. Big contact lenses, dark eyeliner, pink cheeks, and red lips. They're literally produced to seduce." Thinking to yourself, you space out.

"Oh, Y/N, I think HongJoong is staring at you." Min Seo says, without turning too much, as to not draw attention.

"Yeah, Minie. I see that. He probably just thinks I'm a fan and that he's gotta be nice."

As the words leave your mouth the music comes on. Min Seo pulls you toward the stage, pushing to the front.

"Pirate King! They're dancing to my favorite song!" Min Seo says while pulling your sweater sleeve.

"Alright Min Seo, chill. It's ok. They aren't going to jump across the stage and kiss you or anything."

The look Min Seo gave you chilled you to the bone as she replied, "Don't jinx me, you don't know what could happen!"

Once again you put your hands up in defeat. There was no losing against her in an argument.

That's when you look up a bit and see the little one doing a vicious body roll in front of you. He was biting his bottom lip, and you couldn't look away. A blush had crept up your cheeks without you knowing it. He smirked and then disappeared into the group of boys behind him.

The music was nearly deafening it was so loud. While 8 men weaved in and out of formations, dancing in time with ease of practice and years of training.

The grey-haired one was at the front as the music blared out in English, "Will you be my friend?" with a shy wave and a kick of his head to the side.

You felt like you were melting from the inside out. Heat pulsing through your body to the beat. The hip thrusts next nearly made you pass out cold.

"Fucks sake, Minie. Is this for kids?! They're practically eye-banging the crowd while they literally bang the air." Min Seo had no reply, she was dead silent.

Looking over to check on her you could see she was engrossed in the current debauchery you just mentioned.

All she could do was mumble out a few words, "Don't curse, Y/N." with a gentle slap on the arm.

When you look back up you notice the formation changing. The boys all ducked down, leaving the little one in the middle, standing alone. His voice dropping a bit as he raps with precision. You're awestruck by the amount of power behind such a small guy.

As you're staring, trying to figure out what exactly you're seeing, he says "You need a Pirate King." while pointing at you and winking.

You can't seem to help it, but your eyes are drawn to the one with the cat-like stare and grey hair. Stuck on the way he sneers and grimaces while dancing.

"Stop it Y/N! These are teenage boys. You're just being needy, and stupid." You think while smacking your forehead.

As the song ends, the boys wave and bow to the crowd. All the girls, Min Seo included, start to scream terms of endearment.

Shaking your head in disbelief, you catch him staring again. He winks at you with a smirk. You just raise your eyebrow at him.

"Well that one's layin' it on thick." As you turn to leave, Min Seo right behind you.

Leaving the building was no easy feat. Tons of teenage girls were clamoring over one another to get out so that they could catch a glimpse of the boys as they got in their vehicle.

Min Seo stayed back a bit, to let the stampede pass. As you both walk through the door into the cool spring air.

Min Seo turns to you, "So dinner and a drink before we head home?"

"You nailed it Minie. How do you know everything I'm thinking?" There's relief in your voice.

She puts her arm through yours, "Cause I'm your best friend, silly!".

Thank God for Min Seo.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S2 Ep 41: It’s Mai’s Turn to Get Electrocuted

Hey guys, welcome to the Christmas Break.

It’s TV watching season, so lets watch some TV and over-analyze a 20 yo kid’s show, you in?

Odion, after suffering from a lightning strike and getting impaled by many pieces of that fake millennium rod he was holding gets dropped off in the only room on this blimp that has sheets. He also had the added shock of witnessing his brother morph into a somewhat evil-er dude with saiyan hair, which I dunno, I’d want to take a nap too, that’s a lot to deal with.

(And thanks to some reader input, turns out this Marik isn’t so much a ghost situation so much. I mean, I guess it’s more of a Season Zero --this is your deep down scary personality taking over-- type thing but it’s not like I really finished Season Zero so...We’re just rolling with it.)

Glad we have an actual hospital wing--confused as to why Bakura isn’t here.

But I guess lightning strike is slightly worse than having a bleeding stab wound for 12 hours. I mean I’m no doctor, maybe it is? Anyway, Odion is hooked up to all sorts of computers and life support although there aren’t any cords attached to him anywhere on his body. Not even one piss-yellow IV bag.

Check out the size of that IBM. This is what a widescreen used to look like.

The rest of the Yuge Crew are here although I’m pretty sure that’s not how hospitals work. Pretty sure you have to be related to drop on in directly after being put in intensive care but like, they are on a blimp so I guess it’s different up there. But also, this guy has abducted them once already and just tried to kill Joey for the second time, and now they are like “We’re basically on BFF family terms with this Odion guy, lets visit that bedside.”

Although, mind you, his real family is Marik and Ishizu, both of which have never said aloud that Odion is their brother. This family is sort of bad at life, TBH.

Since we’re barrelling right into a Mai arc we have to confront one of her 2 big Mai character conflicts--which is either “this is why I don’t get married” or “OMG I am going to die forever alone.” Which is interesting, because last time we hung out with her, we did whatever we could to keep her independent, while in this episode Mai mourns that being independent is the ultimate curse. Girl wants whatever she doesn’t have, pretty much.

Ah, Miss independent, never thought I’d get that song stuck in my head again. Thanks, Mai. Except in this version, instead of falling in love, Mai just makes weird friendships with jail bait teenagers. Why can’t she make friends with like, Roland? He’s her age. Or maybe this nice doctor? But whatever, age is meaningless on this show.

(read more under the cut)

Anyway, Joey has decided to tell us all about that dream he had but leaves out the parts where he dropped everything he owns, and then knocked himself over a desk onto his face, and then in the same dream Kaiba kinda walked in from off screen, dunked on him, and then walked directly off screen again.

Mai is deeply touched.

And then, because she is Mai, gets extremely offended immediately afterward.

I can keep hoping it’ll be Duke Devlin but like...as much as I want him to do more on this show, I really think the only people who remember Duke Devlin at this point are all the animators who were like “HOW many people are in this shot?! Why did we make a season where every scene is a freakin crowd scene!?”

*I know the shading on her ass was supposed to be attractive but it looks like nasty sweat stains*

(Also what the hell computer-machinery is supposed to be behind them in this scene?)

This one time where Joey doth protest too much is the first time we have ever, ever on this show seen Joey act less than vague towards Mai. During the dream episode he blushed, but I thought that was because of Serenity being there for her brother in his dream. I didn’t at all think that was over Mai at the time.

But I guess this is happening now? I mean people kept saying “yes, Joey and Mai will be a thing” and I was like “they better start building up to that because like...nothing is happening.” but this show’s version of building up to that was by just not being vague one single time.

Which in this show is a big deal, I guess. Because shortly after this event, Tea remembers that her character description sheet says “Is bossy AF” with red underline and was like “OMG I totally forgot and it’s been like 20 episodes since I did anything, I gotta hurry” and she just lost her lid.

I’m regretting more and more that joke I made that TeaxKaiba was way more reasonable than TeaxYugi, because sometimes when Tea goes ham she may as well be wearing a long spiky coat with boots leggings. Tea had two very different personalities way before she ever got possessed by Bakura. Like, Tea is kind of a monster actually, but we rarely get to see it because she gets completely distracted and cries a lot when it just feels like...the other half of her, the half that bit a guy once--like she legit bit a guy on this show--that side of Tea would just never cry over cards. Or cry, period. She sure wasn’t crying when she bit that guy!

This is mostly because I think the writers didn’t know how to write a girl like Tea since she’s a mix of a Season Zero Tea and this more old fashioned-’feminine’ version I think they were trying to turn her into for this series. It’s weird. It’s weird that this group of friends have nothing to say about these very abrupt changes in her behavior. Then again, it took them a while to notice the abrupt changes in Yugi.

Anyway, Joey isn’t done getting harassed by everyone he knows yet.

We have Marik trapped in a blimp in the sky and the entire Kaiba security force, why are we dueling him anymore? I mean I know why, we are contractually obligated to show lots of card content in this show to sell cards, but at this point I feel like maybe they should drive the blimp over international waters and resort to maritime law. Give Kaiba a gun.

Actually don’t do that, it would be bad. Don’t give Kaiba a gun. Give it to Duke or something, he seems stable enough. He seems like he’d be able to shoot somebody but not everybody, if you know what I mean.

And because it’s the Mai arc, we gotta have Mai duel next. There’s only 3 people left to go against: Ishizu, Kaiba, and Marik. I think. There’s so many people on this show. Tea isn’t playing, right? I mean I really do feel like like I’ve forgotten someone--maybe Shadi? Miho? So many people are on this blimp.

Whatever, I’ll just roll with it, if I forgot someone I’m sure they’ll show up at some point.

Mai sure is that girlfriend.

Anyway, lets see what Marik’s up to. Ah, he really is visiting his older brother after all.

That’s right--Marik has to play twice. I mean obvi the first Marik was Odion, but still, it just feels like it’s Marik playing twice.

Also can we please talk about Marik’s cargo pants obsession for a little bit? This arch villain is in CARGO PANTS. Like, they have puffy pockets. He figured out that the hoodie was a bad look, but then he was like “I’ll just cover my tum-tum, and then put on my khaki cargo pants with a sensible belt.”

It just sort of insinuates that Marik only owns cultist robes and cargo pants. Just those two things. Imagine if every pant in your closet was cargo pants. Just imagine with me. You’d go mad, too. Imagine you packed for a trip, a nice vacay on a blimp, and then you opened your luggage and you were like “oops! all cargo pants!” you’d fly home.

Marik looks like he’s going to Casual Khaki’s Friday at the office from about the stomach down, and then stomach up up he’s ready to join piccolo and fuse brains or whatever the hell goes on in Dragonball Z.

And Yugi and his friends are late to Mai’s duel because they are teenagers and also of course they would. This whole season was introduced with Yugi being chronically late to stuff.

The bathroom joke in this episode is canon, PS. I skipped a Season Zero episode where Tristan went to the loo and so Yugi held his spot in line and it took like 30 minutes before Tristan finally got back. Tristan’s epic poops have apparently been Yugioh canon since the very beginning.

I’m learning so much about the lore.

Now that Marik no longer has to hide who he is, he has decided that he’ll just use the Shadow Realm willy-nilly now. Although Marik did this without playing any cards at all, it doesn’t seem to register to Seto Kaiba that this is not a hologram. Maybe Kaiba sneezed when Marik summoned it and just assumed he missed a card play or something.

So now, for our gimmick!

Every time we fight in the Shadow Realm it feels like the rules are a little bit different, and Marik decided to make this duel a memory fight.

The Shadow Realm seems to eat on your greatest insecurities, and for Mai it’s feeling all alone. Not sure how that works once the duel is over--her friends will still be there, so like...she can just get a heads up on the one day they went camping that one time and then boom, friendship rekindled, I think. But for now, this is very scary for everyone involved.

But I mean at least she isn’t a playing card, or being thrown into a graveyard by being played as a card, or being devoured by gloopy blobs, or rapidly dying because of the exposure to the shadow zone. As far as Shadow Realms go this one seems kind of tame.

But I guess we shall see if somehow losing Tea will effect her story in any way.

Depends on which Tea, in my opinion, but if we’re going for the normal boring one that only cries wellllllll I wouldn’t notice if she were gone, just saying. Now, if it’s the fun Tea that bites people and yanks their ears off their face, well being forced to lose my memories of her is what the writers do to me basically every episode of this show. Let Tea bite more people in the arm. Let that girl rage.

But all that will be for another recap where we can all watch Mai get Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-ed as if a memory wipe hasn’t happened at least once to every single person on this show with the exception of Mokuba. And Mokuba was a paper card for like I want to say about 10 episodes, so...

Anyways, if you just got here I do have these in chrono order from s1 ep1, here is a link.

[naruhearts]

13x03: “But I CAN’T!!”

I...

I’m floored.

I just.

I have an entire amalgam of scream-y and flail-y thoughts darting inside my head like they’re high on sugar because of 13x03 overall, but this scene???

Sam: “I didn’t ‘end bad’. When I was ‘the freak’—when I was drinking demon blood—”

Dean: “C’mon man, that was totally different.”

Sam: “Was it? Because you could’ve put a bullet in me. Dad told you to put a bullet in me but you didn’t. You saved me. So help me save him.”

Dean: “You deserved to be saved. He doesn’t!”

Sam: “Yes he does, Dean! Of course he does!!”

Dean: “Look, I know you think that you can use him as some sort of an—interdimensional can opener. That’s fine. But don’t act like you care about him because you only care about what he can do for you. So if you wanna pretend, that’s fine. But me, I can hardly look at the kid ‘cause when I do, all I see is everybody we’ve lost!”

Sam: “Mom chose to take that shot at Lucifer. That is not on Jack.”

Dean: “And what about Cas?”

Sam: “What about Cas?”

Dean: “He manipulated him. He made him promises—said ‘Paradise on Earth’, and Cas bought it. And you know what that got him? It got him DEAD. Now you might be able to forget about that but I CAN’T!!”

Jack: *powers up* Castiel…

*Cas wakes*

I want to send Berens, Dabb & Co 134045093490384098 rainbow cakes.

This heart-wrenching, severely emotional exchange between Dean and Sam ended me. It ended me because Dean STIMULATED JACK’S POWERS--EMOTIONALLY-DRIVEN POWERS (Dean as the Emotional Hero)--while we as a collective gasping audience biting our nails observed that:

DEAN’S GRIEF IS CAS-CENTRED. He’s grieving--he’s hollow and internally festering and no longer gives a single flying shit--BECAUSE OF CAS. Mary is mentioned by SAM, whereas DEAN is the one who once again BRINGS CAS TO THE FOREFRONT OF THEIR ARGUMENT. This was a MAJOR EXPOSITION and made me yell at @thetwistedwillow and @sactownbrowns3 in crazy-ass excitement. I honestly don’t know how to explain Dean’s HUGE emotional outburst to non-Destiel believers in an objective, detached way ‘cause oh my god, seriously? At this point, after ALL the layered, textualized subtext from 13x01 and 13x02 we’ve gotten which keep tying together these consistencies--presenting Dean’s grief on a pretty much gargantuan scale that is “nothing like we’ve ever seen before”? THEY TRULY INDICATE THAT DEAN WAS IN LOVE WITH CAS.

(S7 Grieving!Dean / “I can’t shrug this off” callback that is much more blatant. So much more blatant. Look at the sheer grief-stricken anguish written across Dean’s face. Look at his furious, broken eyes. Look at him scream. ARGH. May I additionally point out Sam’s silent understanding here? Remember, Sam knows. He always knew.)

Copying and pasting something I wrote not-so-calmly several weeks ago since it’s 100% relevant to 13x03:

How do you explain the continuous distinction between Sam and Dean in terms of GRIEF PROCESSING (which, fyi, the showrunners/writers themselves keep pushing into PR)? (Yes, PR is not showrunning but at this point…*mic drop*) How do you explain the constant “DEAN IS TORN AND WRECKED AND EMOTIONALLY INCAPACITATED WHILE SAM ISN’T” discourse that the writers themselves seemingly substantiate with their interviews/sneak peeks/etc? How do you explain stuff like “Dean is just as low as we’ve ever seen him. And he just doesn’t seem to be at that point, being able to turn disaster around and come back. And of course the re-emergence of Castiel is a huge piece in turning Dean around again”? How come SAM isn’t the one who is FURIOUS AT JACK, who WANTS TO “SHOOT HIM IN THE FACE”/GET RID OF HIM, and who would, no doubt, BLAME HIM FOR CAS’ DEATH? How come SAM isn’t the one who “doesn’t deal with grief very well” (thank you, Jensen)? HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN ALL OF THIS?

Well. You can’t beat around the bush anymore. It’s futile difficult to sift through your brain and find a convincing counter-proposition to “Dean is grieving because he lost the love of his life and he hates Jack for it”. 

13x03 just corroborated this like a damn crater-sized bomb (yeah, the scene was a bomb).

¯\_(ツ)_/¯    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯     ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

**I’m sorry, I need to delve into 3/4 wank-y side commentary**

I mean, so many of us--so many meta writers in the Destiel community--have predicted this steep, sharp bump in the road ever since Cas died in 12x23. 

It's logical to assume Dean will cope with his grief THIS TERRIBLY since we base it on the belief that he is in love with Cas. 

Dabb & Co are pushing it to the surface. The Destiel love story was an integral part of the show the whole time. 

Calling S13 “boring, weird, or OOC” simply goes to show that antis don’t understand SPN’s storytelling structure. Right now, it paves the way for the full character progression of TFW's individual members (and TFW altogether via Jack BLANK SLATE Winchester). Antis don't understand past-present narrative symbolism and miss the fact that S13 is about Journeys, Connections, and New Beginnings. Cas had to die so he can be REBORN and gain (self)confidence/(self)faith. Dean had to grieve so he can HEAL and gain (self)acceptance, (self)tolerance, and (self)forgiveness.

Haters think Dean is "OOC" when the reality is--Dean’s in character! This is how he's going to react to Cas' death. 

Bottom line: antis say S13 "doesn't make sense”/"has shitty storylines"/"made Dean soft" because they don't see the Destiel. Dean's behaviour is derived from HIS FEELINGS FOR CAS. It’s the biggest piece of the puzzle that they're missing. If you don't believe in Destiel, S13 will make no sense. I’m not surprised that the hate towards S13 is at an all-time high (based on what I’ve seen lately). 

**wipes sweat off face and returns to 03 review**

  JACK KNOWS. Knows Dean BLAMES him for CAS’ DEATH. KNOWS DEAN IS IN LOVE WITH HIS FATHER. KNOWS HE MUST BRING CAS BACK TO WIN DEAN’S APPROVAL (aka he “NEEDS A WIN” FOR HIMSELF and FOR DEAN). This depicted vital callbacks to:  a) 12x19 Cas telling Dean he needs a win for him and for himself/Cas ‘doing the wrong thing for the right reasons’ to try and seek inner self-validation (obviously in this case, bringing Cas back is the right thing--“the re-emergence of Castiel is a huge piece in turning Dean around again” characteristically).  b) Dean’s own harrowing past/childhood, pulling out the Dean--seeking--John’s--approval and general neglectful Grieving!John/Dean--John--Sam parallels in regards to Sam as ‘the freak’ and dangling them right in front of our noses.  Yup, Jack is TFW’s unifying mirror. 

gif credit: x