#Human story repository

[thesarahshay]

Being over 40 means you have so many stories that you can be talking to a friend you've known for 10 years and mention in passing "that time the head writer for Fairly Odd Parents bought me lunch" and they're like "...the time that WHAT?"

[misscammiedawn]

Plurality on the Disc

CW: Fatphobia, euthanasia

One thing you can always say about Pratchett was that he did not believe in prejudice. The man saw the world through a lens of satire and yet in all things he attempted to see the humanity in all things and tried to bleed that compassion into the world he created, especially with the modernization of the central city, Ankh Morpork.

Pratchett's works as early as the 90s were showing positive trans representation in Cheery Littlebottom, a dwarf who opts to present femme within a culture that treats displays of gender other than the "default", without acknowledging the inherent bias that the "default" gender presentation within Dwarf culture is masculine. It seems Pratchett was able to display "Male or Political" as a fallacy long before toxic gamer culture.

Sensing that the audience may have found this too subtle he went on to write Monstrous Regiment in 2003, a story about a group of women who take up arms, disguise their gender and live as men to fight in a war. As many things on the Disc it was written with fantasy and satire in mind and yet was incredibly detailed in historical accuracy. As trans-folx continuously remind: "We have always been here"

Today's topic, though, is on plurality. Typically in Media, Myself and I essays we focus on depictions of DID with an emphasis on psychopathology. Pathology and mental illness do not really factor into the fantasy world of Discworld. One need only look at the "Sideflashes" depicted in Monstrous Regiment, those being moments where a vampire character has traumatic hallucinations of the Vietnam War of our world, to know that Pratchett is more interested in satirizing the genre mediums he is working within rather than depicting accurate portraits of real mental illness.

That said, in one of his final books, Thud! Pratchett did have a character with two distinct personalities who could withhold information from one another say "It's supposed to be an illness, but all I can say is, we've gotten along well."

Pratchett always leads with compassion and in all of his work he does his research. Though he never wrote much about the supposed illness mentioned in Thud!, he has written plural characters and we're going to focus on one right now.

The books in question are Maskerade (1995) and Carpe Jugulum (2003). These books heavily feature the characters Agnes Nitt and Perdita X Dream.

The first of the two stories is a parody of The Phantom of the Opera with a heavy emphasis on the real life stress and drama behind the scenes of any stage performance. A must read for any theatre kid who wishes to see 'the show must go on' taken to ludicrous extremes.

Agnes is a young witch who has talent as a singer. So much so that she is able to sing in harmony with herself. She decides to move to the big city and join the opera house in hopes of turning her talents to become a star.

Agnes is a prim and proper young witch, raised to think and act a certain way. The problem is, of course, she wants to act in ways unbecoming of who she is perceived as. So growing up when she misbehaved and acted outside of these rigid expectations she would compartmentalize all of her behaviors into Perdita X Dream, "the thin woman trying to get out"

She'd caught herself saying 'poot!' and 'dang!' when she wanted to swear, and using pink writing paper. She'd got a reputation for being calm and capable in a crisis. Next thing she knew she'd be making shortbread and apple pies as good as her mother's, and then there'd be no hope for her. So she'd introduced Perdita. She'd heard somewhere that inside every fat woman was a thin woman trying to get out[3] so she'd named her Perdita. She was a good repository for all those thoughts that Agnes couldn't think on account of her wonderful personality. Perdita would use black writing paper if she could get away with it, and would be beautifully pale instead of embarrassingly flushed. Perdita wanted to be an interestingly lost soul in plumcoloured lipstick. Just occasionally, though, Agnes thought Perdita was as dumb as she was.

It is not uncommon for those with dissociative disorders to have these idealized personas that take on lives of their own. Though the Fae beauty known as Dawn is a name and identity that I have forged through decades of actualizing, my humble roots will always be the performance of what we thought a strong and capable woman would look and sound like. The fact we borrowed the blueprints is neither here nor there.

In moving to the city of Ankh, Agnes decides that she is free of those who have told her what to do and able to live as she has always desired. She adopts the name Perdita as her own and signs up to sing.

After moving in to the opera house she becomes entangled in the plot of Phantom of the Opera. The central story of the book is a retelling of PotO but with the Disc's patented absurdity added on and Agnes being used as a perspective character. At a point Christine, the only woman capable of exclaiming a whisper, switches rooms with Agnes because she is keeps hearing voices while she's trying to sleep. That night the voice from behind the mirror calls out into the darkness, thinking it is speaking to Christine, and speaks to Agnes instead.

There is makes it very clear as to why Agnes cannot be the central figure of the book.

Agnes pulled the bedclothes up higher. 'In the middle of the night?!' 'Night is nothing to me. I belong to the night. And I can help you.' It was a pleasant voice. It seemed to be coming from the mirror. 'Help me to do what?!' 'Don't you want to be the best singer in the opera?' 'Oh, Perdita is a lot better than me!!' There was silence for a moment, and then the voice said: 'But while I cannot teach her to look and move like you, I can teach you to sing like her.' Agnes stared into the darkness, shock and humiliation rising from her like steam.

Fatphobia is real and is on The Disc, I am sad to say.

But it is after this incident that Agnes begins to recognize the prejudice that has been levied at her the entire book and the prim and proper Agnes politely thinks calm and pleasant thoughts when she is insulted, it is Perdita who thinks rude words.

This gets worse as the plot goes on and the managers cast Christine as the lead and have Agnes sing the lead from the chorus.

The humiliation and compartmentalized resentment continues on and...

What she was about to do was wrong. Very wrong. And all her life she'd done things that were right. Go on, said Perdita. In fact, she probably wouldn't even do it. But there was no harm in just asking where there was a herbal shop, so she asked. And there was no harm in going in, so she went in. And it certainly wasn't against any kind of law to buy the ingredients she bought. After all, she might get a headache later on, or be unable to sleep. And it would mean nothing at all to take them back to her room and tuck them under the mattress. That's right, said Perdita.

Passive Influence is a term used for when a part/alter pushes for action while another part is fronting in the system.

In this example Perdita is steering Agnes to perform actions that are not congruent with her nature and her beliefs. Agnes is not capable of plotting revenge against someone and enacting a scheme and so even while performing the actions she is rationalizing to herself that she is not actually doing anything untoward because it is not in her nature to do such a thing.

The traits exist but they do not belong to Agnes and at this point she has not yet realized that the Perdita identity that she has formed is capable of asserting her own will.

The formation of a dissociative disorder typically occurs when a child is in a situation of constant trauma and need to adapt contradicting realities in order to function. Most common of which is the contradiction of needing protection, nurture and safety from the caregivers who provide terror and pain. To function within that framework a young mind will compartmentalize experiences in order to maintain a reality where both these truths are compatible.

Agnes, in part due to the prejudice she faces for her weight, has to have a wonderful personality. Her acceptance within society requires her to act the part and be a kind and sweet girl with a wonderful personality. Always be the best version of herself in spite of her looks because without that wonderful personality she will only be regarded as a large woman and will be discarded.

So she puts away all the thoughts that run contrary to that narrative. Anything that doesn't fit in the Nice Girl persona.

Aren't you just tired of putting up with it, though? Don't you want to go apeshit?

If you were someone like Agnes Nitt, wouldn't you long to be someone as dark and mysterious as Perdita X Dream?

As the book goes on Perdita continues thinking things from behind Agnes' eyes and the narrative begins describing their differing perspectives. The schism growing wider and wider throughout the story.

At the start of the book, when Perdita began becoming more prominent, the prose would say "Perdita thought a rude word" then, as in the passive influence section, "Perdita said" is included in the text. Later still Agnes and Perdita converse within the prose.

The candle burned with a greenish-blue edge to the flame. Somewhere, said Perdita, there was the secret room. If there wasn't a huge and glittering secret cavern, what on earth was life for? There had to be a secret room. A room, full of. . . giant candles, and enormous stalagmites. . . But it certainly isn't here, said Agnes.

The further on the story goes the more comfortable both character and author are in sharing the back and forth between Nitt and Dream.

If Maskerade was the introduction to the concept then Carpe Jugulum (2003) is where Agnes Nitt and Perdita X Dream's shared mind and body become central figures in the story and are allowed to explore themselves a little more. In the previous story Perdita is treated as where Agnes puts all of her unseemly actions and desires.

In Carpe Jugulum it is treated very emphatically as a dissociative disorder where two parts of the same mind share control over the same body.

She simply sang in harmony with herself. Unless she concentrated it was happening more and more these days. Perdita had rather a reedy voice, but she insisted on joining in. Those who are inclined to casual cruelty say that inside a fat girl is a thin girl and a lot of chocolate. Agnes’s thin girl was Perdita. She wasn’t sure how she’d acquired the invisible passenger. Her mother had told her that when she was small she’d been in the habit of blaming accidents and mysteries, such as the disappearance of a bowl of cream or the breaking of a prized jug, on “the other little girl.”

The tone is set early on with Pratchett working to codify that which already existed by including Agnes putting the pieces together as an adult based on what others had told her she did as a child, something all too common with those with dissociative disorders.

The pair are living in harmony for the most part, Perdita enjoys getting to sing with Agnes and is fiercely defensive of her host. She does not enjoy it when people are mean to Agnes. It is why she focused much of Maskerade on scowling at Christine. Though Perdita herself seems to enjoy bullying Agnes, as she does delight in cruelly calling her a lump.

The story this time is about a group of Modern Sexy Vampires moving in to the witches' town and deciding to take over. Much of the book's satire is a comparison of the Anne Rice and World of Darkness ethos on vampire lore and comparing it to the more gothic and classic depictions such as Nosferatu and Bram Stoker's Dracula.

As well as the complete and utter violation that is "treating people like things".

The story also introduces Mightily Oats (who Perdita will squee about having a cool ponytail), a parody of the catholic vampire slayer trope. He, himself, has a "rifted personality" like Agnes and Perdita due to his adherence to the contradicting commandments and beliefs held within the religious texts of his faith, Om.

Unfortunately, Perdita's alliance with Agnes is harmed when the vampires move in and Perdita finds herself largely attracted to them. Perdita is the very essence of a scene kid, after all, she'd listen to Evanescence if they existed on The Disc. Throughout the early phase of the vampire plot Perdita finds herself internally shaking Agnes and screaming petulantly at her that she is fumbling the ball so hard when faced with them.

Ask him his name! Perdita yelled. No, that’d be forward of me, Agnes thought. Perdita screamed, You were built forward, you stupid lump—

I am certain many reading this will empathize. I certainly do.

But all too quickly the plot of the vampires is revealed and they begin using their vampire hypnosis to control the town. All while Perdita is screaming rebellion and demanding they be given garlic enemas.

Perdita is unimpacted by the mind control. What's worse is that the vampires can read minds and can tell there's something odd about Agnes but not quite what.

Ur…” She stopped it turning into a giggle. “Not really. Not very well…” Didn’t you listen to what they were saying? They’re vampires! “Shut up,” she said aloud. “I beg your pardon?” said Vlad, looking puzzled. “And they’re…well, they’re not a very good orchestra…” Didn’t you pay any attention to what they were saying at all, you useless lump? “They’re a very bad orchestra,” said Vlad. “Well, the King only bought the instruments last month and basically they’re trying to learn together—” Chop his head off! Give him a garlic enema! “Are you all right? You really know there are no vampires here, don’t you…” He’s controlling you! Perdita screamed. They’re… affecting people! “I’m a bit… faint from all the excitement,” Agnes mumbled. “I think I’ll go home.” Some instinct at bone-marrow level made her add, “I’ll ask Nanny to go with me.” Vlad gave her an odd look, as if she wasn’t reacting in quite the right way. Then he smiled. Agnes noticed that he had very white teeth. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you, Miss Nitt,” he said. “There’s something so… inner about you.” That’s me! That’s me! He can’t work me out! Now let’s both get out of here! yelled Perdita.

Up until now Perdita has been a very internal experience for plurality, itself a rarity within fiction. Perdita never fronts in the entirety of Maskerade. She is a sharp and judgmental voice in the back of Agnes' head and shaped much like her repressed desires.

After escaping the clutches of vampire mind control and escaping from the dangerous circumstance Perdita yanks control of the body and outs herself to fellow witch Nanny Ogg, leading to the first time either Nitt or Dream have had to describe their situation to someone outside the body.

“It’s all right,” said Agnes. “It’s me again, Agnes Nitt, but…She’s here but… I’m sort of holding on. Yes! Yes! All right! All right, just shut up, will y— Look, it’s my body, you’re just a figment of my imagina—Okay! Okay! Perhaps it’s not quite so clear c—Let me just talk to Nanny, will you?” “Which one are you now?” said Nanny Ogg. “I’m still Agnes, of course.” She rolled her eyes up. “All right! I’m Agnes currently being advised by Perdita, who is also me. In a way. And I’m not too fat, thank you so very much!” “How many of you are there in there?” said Nanny. “What do you mean, ‘room for ten’?” shouted Agnes. “Shut up! Listen, Perdita says there were vampires at the party. The Magpyr family, she says. She can’t understand how we acted. They were putting a kind of…’fluence over everyone. Including me, which is why she was able to break thr—Yes, all right, I’m telling it, thank you!” “Why not her, then?” said Nanny. “Because she’s got a mind of her own! […] Nanny rubbed her chin, torn between the vampiric revelation and prurient curiosity about Perdita. “How does Perdita work, then?” she said. Agnes sighed. “Look, you know the part of you that wants to do all the things you don’t dare do, and thinks the thoughts you don’t dare think?” Nanny’s face stayed blank. Agnes floundered. “Like…maybe…rip off all your clothes and run naked in the rain?” she hazarded. “Oh yes. Right,” said Nanny. “Well…I suppose Perdita is that part of me.” “Really? I’ve always been that part of me,” said Nanny. “The important thing is to remember where you left your clothes.”

This is the compassion in Pratchett's writing I'd mentioned. In this story Perdita is revealed to be part of Agnes and though Nanny Ogg is confused and a little ignorant of the whole affair, going as far as to yell "is she treating you alright in there?" into Perdita's ear, she is caring and understanding. In Maskerade Nanny was the one person in Lancre who accepted Agnes changing her name to Perdita, reasoning that "people ought to call themselves what they want."

In approaching the abnormal circumstance with compassion in the fiction it helps those reading get a broader and better understanding of how to be kind and treat those impacted in real life.

Also, as a side note, Agnes yelling at Nanny while "currently advised by Perdita" may not be an overt piece of representation but there is a concept called Blending within plurality. It's not mentioned in textbooks I've read but is often discussed in support communities. At times when two parts are co-conscious in front their traits will become a little blended.

In a way parts of a dissociative system are simply a way of storing traits necessary to function but dividing them to prevent emotional harm and damage or to maintain a form of continuity of self. To give an example we were ejected by our caregivers and internalized it as our own fault for being undesirable so part of us cannot fathom doing anything which would make us disposable and unlikable but our circumstances required becoming cold and focused for survival and so the sweet kind and lovable empathy driven part and the cold and angry survival part are kept in separate boxes. Likewise we have trauma related to eroticism but there is still an attraction to such material within us and so in order to function I handle that aspect of our life and shelter the others from being impacted. At first due to heavy dissociation and denial and these days due to practice in therapy allowing us to let parts "opt out" and retreat inwards when they do not want to be involved in what is happening with the body.

In a way blended parts are closer to what a person would be like if they were singlet, though blurring does not often involve the entire system if there are more than 2 parts.

And though I say 'closer', I do not mean entirely as typically when blended people are in an activated state. In the above case where Perdita and Nanny had triggered Agnes' frustrations about her weight being bullied, she was unable to control the emotion of her reaction.

We refer to such days when we are blended and incapable of controlling our emotional reactions as "thin skinned days". They were more common prior to diagnosis.

As the story continues the pair need to see-saw their consciousness to avoid vampire mind control and we are treated to moments of Agnes being the "invisible passenger" in the situation, going as far to show her ability to focus attention on reading is not as sharp as Agnes'. Something I can assure you is quite true within parts of a dissociative system. Goodness knows Cammie would never have the patience to do the reading and typing necessary for these essays.

The story continues on and though there are moments of casual misunderstanding which are a par for the course in such tales, such as Nanny telling Perdita to "give Agnes her body back, you know it's hers really--" before knocking her out to ensure Agnes has control. They throw out lines like:

“Yes, that’s Agnes,” she said, standing back. “Her face goes sharper when it’s the other one. See? I told you she’d be the one that came back. She’s got more practice.”

And let me say, when someone knows you and loves you enough to recognize a part by the way they wear their face alone, it's something. I am simply incapable of reading a moment like that and not breaking into a smile and thinking of the many times our long distance love has tried to explain how she can just tell without a word when we have switched.

But as always. Pratchett leads with compassion. Where Nanny Ogg says that she thinks people should be called what they want to be called in Maskerade, regarding Agnes' wish to be called Perdita (not Perditax), it is Granny Weatherwax the beating heart and soul of the Discworld who says it best

Ah...one mind, split in half. There were more Agneses in the world than Agnes dreamed of, Granny told herself. All the girl had done was to give the thing a name, and once you give the thing a name you give it life...

Once you give a thing a name, you give it life.

That is compassion. To not fully understand something and how it forms and how it presents, but to respect it all the same. To know it has a form and should be treated as real because by virtue of being named it is real.

That is what so much of Pratchett's work is focused on. The humanity of seeing others as they wish to be and respecting them. It's such a low bar to clear in our world and yet sometimes it really does need to be emphasized.

Typically when Granny says something it's from the perspective of age and wisdom. It may not always be without bias but it is with a weight of knowledge and respect.

The final book in the series contents with Sir Pratchett's knowledge of his own death. He knew for years. He even did a documentary on medical aid in dying. He poured it all into depicting a tale that includes Granny's death.

The works of Terry Pratchett have long been a companion in our life. We've been reading them our entire life. To this day we have refused to read beyond Granny's death scene in Shepherd's Crown. We broke down crying when we saw the "I ATE'NT DEAD" call back. We couldn't pick up the book again after that.

It's too difficult to think that one of the voices that taught us morality is gone from this world. Our tag for Discworld is GNU Terry Pratchett. As long as the name is spoken he is never really gone.

As long as Shepherds Crown still has pages yet unread, the book series isn't really over.

-

For more of my essays on positive DID representation in media, please check out my Media, Myself and I tag.

[lemonhemlock]

I actually agree with your opinions on dany but don't you think that her fall arc wouldn't work well nowadays ? I think when Martin was envisioning Dany's story in the 90's, it was meant to be something groundbreaking in the fantasy genre and it certainly would have, had all the books been written and published back to back. But I don't think the backlash to her ending in S8 was just because of the execution. Most people just fundamentally believe that Dany as endgame villain is misogynistic.

hmmmm i actually think that having white saviour dany turn megalomaniac dictator is a message we desperate need in these times because it helps deconstruct whiteness and offer a more profound take on feminism than most media we get served today

as you can see from my recent anons, there is a very deep-seated refusal or fear or laziness or idek what to call it from dany/targ stans to engage with intersectionality even at the most basic level! i've brought up this concept so many times that i sound like a broken record (and i don't purport to be any kind of scholar on the matter) but so, so many of them (even when they're well-intentioned!) just cannot seem to surpass this "if also victim how can not 100% right" mentality in regards to dany.

you must be familiar by now with the never ending chorus of bemoaning girlboss feminism and wanting complex & unpalatable women on screen but not being able to stand it in practice when female characters are not perfect. in the books, dany would have the most slow burn downfall arc and a ton of pages devoted to her innermost thoughts and character progression so that you could see exactly how a combination of idealism and entitlement can turn valiant crusaders with a lot of power into authoritarians who need to impose their world view at all costs. how dangerous it can be to believe that you're the repository of truth and justice!

let's also put it this way: think back to the season 3 finale and remember detergent white daenerys surrounded by a sea of faceless brown people in awe of her and calling her mhysa....

... and then you'd have the author tell you that this was supposed to be played straight and there is no subversion at all? those silly monolithic ethnics just needed an aryan princess coming from a long line of blood purity inbreeding to liberate them! how could that be an up-to-date feminism message in 2024? for that reason alone it's supremely out of touch. when has this ever even been a thing? 'white woman bravely frees slaves'. are white women historically known to have fought for human rights concerning other minoritized groups? it would be a pretty condescending message to put in your best-selling book if you ask me

[cunning-frog]

Holed Stones in English Folk Magic

Sources at the end

Stones with naturally occurring holes in them have many uses in magic all over the world. In England they have been used for protection and luck as well as in medicine. Holed stones are known by many different names, In England they have been and are known by numerous names such as Hag stones, Witch stones, Serpents'/Snakes' eggs, Adder stones, and Lucky stones. For the sake of clarity, I will be referring to them as ‘holed stones’.

Luck and Protection

Holed stones are used as amulets for protection against Hags, witches, faeries, and other spirits, when they are used in this way they are referred to as hag or witch stones. People would hang a holed stone above the door of their home or barn, and sometimes passageways within the home. People would also keep a small holed stone in a pocket for luck and protection.

Holed stones have also been known for being lucky, being worn around the neck for luck or tossed over the shoulder after spitting through the stone's hole to grant a wish. It was also said that is a person tied a holed stone to their house keys, those who resided in the home would be prosperous.

In communities where fishing and/or sailing was common the use of holed stones for protection was common, tying them to the bows of boats or inside of smaller rowing boats for protection while at sea. Holed stones were also used to protect against drowning, Christopher Duffin (2011) writes, “The coxswain of the Ramsay lifeboat [during 1929], also a fisherman by trade, always wore a small discoidal [holed] stone around his neck, threaded with copper wire. The amulet, passed down through three generations of fishermen, was credited with preserving the life of the wearer through terrible maritime circumstances.”

Medicine

As these holed stones protected against hags, witches, faeries, and other spirits they would often be used in medicine, as magic was often thought to be the cause of illness.

One of the illnesses holed stones were used to treat is ‘hag-riding’, in the book A Dictionary of English Folklore it is defined as  “a frightening sensation of being held immobile in bed, often by a heavy weight pressing on one’s stomach or chest […] In folklore, it was thought of as a magical attack, though whether by demonic incubus, ghost, harmful fairy, or witch varied according to place and period.” (Simpson & Roud, 2003) Today hag-riding is understood to be sleep paralysis. To treat hag-riding a holed stone would be hung above the bed of the sufferer or, if the sufferer is an animal, placed in a stable.

This belief applied to both humans as well as other animals; hag stones were often used in the treatment of ill livestock. In Lancashire holed stones would be tied to the back of cows to protect them from all forms of harm, “self-holed stones, termed ‘lucky-stones,’ are still suspended over the backs of cows in order that they may be protected from every diabolical influence.” (Harland and Wilkinson 1873).

Sources:

 Thwaite, A.-S. (2020). Magic and the material culture of healing in early modern England [Apollo - University of Cambridge Repository]. https://doi.org/10.17863/CAM.63593

Vicky, King (2021, November 11). Hag Stones and Lucky Charms. https://www.horniman.ac.uk/story/hag-stones-and-lucky-charms/

Pitt Rivers Museum, Accession Number: 1985.51.987.1 https://www.prm.ox.ac.uk/collections-online#/item/prm-object-239947 (c) Pitt Rivers Museum, University of Oxford, Date Accessed: 21 January 2024

Adams, Thomas, fl. 1612-1653., 2013, A commentary or, exposition vpon the diuine second epistle generall, written by the blessed apostle St. Peter. By Thomas Adams, Oxford Text Archive, http://hdl.handle.net/20.500.12024/A00665

Jacqueline Simpson & Steve Roud (2003). A Dictionary of English Folklore. Oxford University Press. https://www.oxfordreference.com/display/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803095941856

Christopher J. Duffin (2011) Herbert Toms (1874–1940), Witch Stones, and Porosphaera Beads, Folklore, 122:1, 84-101, DOI: 10.1080/0015587X.2011.537134

Harland, J., & Wilkinson, T. T. (1873). Lancashire Legends: Traditions, Pagents, Sports, & C. With an Appendix Containing a Rare Tract on the Lancashire Witches, & C., &c. G. Routledge. https://archive.org/details/cu31924028040057

Photo source:

File:Hag Stones (8020251781).jpg. (2023, February 2). Wikimedia Commons. Retrieved 04:11, January 26, 2024 from https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=File:Hag_Stones_(8020251781).jpg&oldid=729610598.

[tragedycoded]

character profile tag!

@the-golden-comet how did you know I needed to repopulate my characters tags <3 Thank you for the tag!

I know everyone here knows him, but let's do this for the protagonist of Doom Metal Love Story anyway.

Name: Cole Francis Sullivan

Nickname: First Sergeant (his rank), variations on his rank ("Top" is pretty funny); Kentucky (Hofer); angel/dear-heart/whatever the current hyperfixation is (Royston)

Kind of Being: Human

Age: variable (born 1835; story takes place 1872-74)

Sex: Male

Appearance: Average height and sturdily built, wearing the field uniform and calf-length boots he only took off to change into his parade dress every evening, Hofer knew who he was looking at before he saw the man's face. (Prologue, Hofer POV)

Until Sullivan sat up, unfurling as he prepared to ride into battle again. Glowing with life, invigorated, half-mad with knowing what he wanted, finally. Ambitious in the way of warrior-kings of old, invulnerable and ageless, lamplight catching the gold and the silver in his brown hair, his red beard aflame. That bayonet scar on his shoulder marking him as human. That bullet scar on the back of his calf. Royston could adore the man and not put him up among idols. Why make him an angel, or a god, or a star. There were so many already, hundreds and thousands and countless of all. There was only one him. (February 1873, Royston POV)

Occupation: First Sergeant in the United States Army Cavalry Division; fort sheriff of Fort Sarras, Kansas

Family members: William (father, deceased); Aileen O'Hare (mother.) Only child.

Pets: Molly, a 12-year-old Morgan horse

Best friend: Major Erik Hofer, Surgeon of Fort Sarras, Kansas; Royston will annoy the shit out of me if I don't acknowledge that he is Sullivan's lover.

Describe his/her room: In the Golden Ending, he sleeps in a barrack with the rest of the NCOs. Based on photographs I've found, it would appear he does not have a roommate. He has a bed, a bureau, a nightstand to put a lamp on, and a peg over his bed for his weapons (rifle, revolver, saber.) This is a fucking hotel compared to the Bad Ending, where he's in a barrack with three other people (Quartermaster Sergeant Harrelson, Hofer, and possibly Sergeant Miller? or else it was the sergeant who dies in the bombardment the weekend before Royston Kool-Aid Mans into Fort Cano.)

Way of speaking: No indoor voice. Direct -> firm -> blunt if you're really not listening to him. Polite, until you give him a reason not to be. Hiding an accent.

Physical characteristics (posture, gestures, attitude): Always at attention. Observant. Ready to react. Always carrying at least two weapons; is a weapon.

Royston wants everyone to know he "fills out that damned uniform."

Items in his/her back pocket/ purse:

HERE I'LL SHOW YOU

(This guy's a private, don't even worry about it. He'd be carrying the same equipment and hey he has the same facial hair right on.)

Hobbies: Reading, playing chess, throwing darts.

Favorite sports: Bat-and-ball.

Abilities/Talents/Powers: Marksmanship mastery, horseback riding expertise, melee combat (saber specialization), leadership. Is the 10th Cavalry Regiment's filthy joke repository (he has a strong memory when it comes to dick jokes.)

He acquires additional, uh, "abilities" in Book 2 but that's a massive spoiler.

Relationships (how he/she is with other people): Preoccupied. Easy to lose touch with. Will go HAM on anything/anyone threatening someone he loves.

Fears: He just told me he doesn't much care for broccoli. When I asked him why he said the fact that it's shaped like a tree is disconcerting.

I understand.

Faults: He's stubborn. His refusal to follow orders that are counter to his own code of honor has cost him promotions. "HE ONLY EATS LIKE FIVE FOODS," Royston says.

Good points:

He may flinch, but he is brave.

He's a leader.

He's loyal (possibly to fault.)

He's physically and mentally strong.

"HIS ASS," Royston says. (Translation: He has a healthy sense of humor.)

What he/she wants more than anything else: To go to sleep at night knowing he did the best he could to protect his country and the people he loves; and, if is his time to die, for his death to not be in furtherance of an unjust cause.

Wait--

"Since he's wandered off and appears to no longer be listening... I want Arthur safe, and alive, and with me. Which I recognize is both a far more difficult condition to satisfy and antithetical to the previous answer."

HAPPY FRIDAY TAG LIST LET'S GO BAP BAP BAP

@lychhiker-writes @cowboybrunch @saturnine-saturneight @ashfordlabs @autism-purgatory

@noblebs @aintgonnatakethis @the-golden-comet @asablehart @mauvecatfic

@leahnardo-da-veggie @sableglass @gioiaalbanoart @words-after-midnight

@lavender-bloom @jev-urisk @wyked-ao3

[ozzgin]

hope this doesn't come off as rude, but do you condone the usage of ai art? because I noticed you use ai art for quite a few of your post headers ^^;

No worries, it's a reasonable question, although a rather complex one! There are multiple layers that I would like to go through when answering you.

Do I condone the use of AI as a replacement for actual art? Obviously not. I enjoy drawing, and I enjoy collecting art. This won't change regardless of technology. The reality, however, is that generative AI will continue to develop, whether we like it or not. So, you know, instead of denying its existence, I would prefer to openly discuss it and have it regulated by laws and ethical conducts. For example, laws that would protect artists from being laid off in favor of one single AI engineer. Or laws that would limit the profit companies can make using undisclosed AI. Basically, making sure that this new technology serves the people instead or rendering them useless.

Do I condone the use of AI for individual use? Depends. My opinion is that non-profit, entertainment purposes are not the root of the problem. Someone generating a funny image of a cat is not the equivalent of someone generating hundreds of images a day. Those terrible environmental statistics you see online are mostly targeted at this kind of business usage. If you were to go on Instagram, for example, you would find a lot of accounts who publish vast amounts of AI works, often omitting this fact. Some sell merch, advice, or - if they are honest about their methods - courses and books on prompts and AI imagery. It's an actual thing. Does it take visibility away from actual artists? Absolutely. Even worse, it leads to a lot of doubt, where artists must prove themselves against accusatory claims. Again, I believe the solution is not to ignore progress or demand it stops, but to find concrete measures and implement them.

I use AI images for story headers, strictly for decorative purposes. If I want to express something visually, I will draw it myself. I do not have the time nor resources to draw every single picture I want to use on my hobby blog. Whoever disagrees with it is free to pay me a full employee salary. Mind you, on that note, I've seen a lot of people mentioning Pinterest and similar as open sources for pictures. They are not free repositories to just grab whatever you want. That photograph of a foggy forest was taken by someone and requires crediting. That unspecified manga panel was drawn by someone and requires crediting. 90% of the images I see here have no source or credit. I find it terribly hypocritical to parade as a supporter of human arts while conveniently ignoring every case where said human art is stolen, modified or uncredited.

Lastly, do I condone the use of AI by artists? This is an interesting topic, and a recent case immediately comes to mind: a well-established artist I've been following for over a decade has alluded to potentially training AI to replicate their art in the future. It's their way of easing their workload. Is it any different from comic artists using filtered photos to skip drawing backgrounds, for example? Is it any different from commission artists pre-drawing body parts and objects as brushes and stamps, so they can skip a lot of the drawing process? I am not a professional artist, nor do I require the use of this sort of assistance, but I cannot help but wonder: how many of the individuals who had a meltdown over this suggestion have actually paid or tipped an artist in their life? How many of them regularly call out stolen content? How many are mindful about the content they share/distribute/save, making sure it involves given permissions and fulfills ethical standards? I'm not necessarily calling people out; rather, I'm saying that the outrage is misdirected and untargeted.

I don't have a concrete conclusion to the last paragraph. It's a novel dilemma, a gray area with a lot of factors involved. At least to me. I wanted to include it in the conversation to show that generative AI and its implications are rapidly changing and expanding, so it's difficult to encapsulate it all in one definite opinion. All I can tell you is that my appreciation for human art has not changed, and I will continue to support it. :)

[myalgias]

Excerpts from the article:

Because it’s clear that being “the last public space” isn’t a privilege. It’s a sign that something has gone terribly wrong.

At the time, countless articles asked if new technology meant “the death of the public library.” Instead, the institution completely transformed itself. Libraries carved out a new role providing online access to those who needed it. They abandoned the big central desk, stopped shushing patrons, and pushed employees out onto the floor to do programming. Today, you’ll find a semester’s load of classes, events, and seminars at your local library: on digital photography, estate planning, quilting, audio recording, taxes for seniors, gaming for teens, and countless “circle times” in which introverts who probably chose the profession because of their passion for Victorian literature are forced to perform “The Bear Went over the Mountain” to rooms full of rioting toddlers.

In the midst of this transformation, new demands began to emerge. Libraries have always been a welcoming space for the entire community. Alexander Calhoun, Calgary’s first librarian, used the space for adult education programs and welcomed “transients” and the unemployed into the building during the Depression. But the past forty years of urban life have seen those demands grow exponentially. In the late 1970s, “homelessness” as we know it today didn’t really exist; the issue only emerged as a serious social problem in the 1980s. Since then, as governments have abandoned building social housing and rents have skyrocketed, homelessness in Canada has transformed into a snowballing human rights issue. Meanwhile, the opioid crisis has devastated communities, killing more than 34,000 Canadians between 2016 and 2022, according to the Public Health Agency of Canada. And the country’s mental health care system, always an underfunded patchwork of services, is today completely unequipped to deal with demand. According to the Canadian Institute for Health Information, from 2020 to 2021, Canadians waited a median of twenty-two days for their first counselling session. As other communal support networks have suffered cutbacks and disintegrated, the library has found itself as one of the only places left with an open door.

When people tell the story of this transformation, from book repository to social services hub, it’s usually as an uncomplicated triumph. A recent “love letter” to libraries in the New York Times has a typical capsule history: “As local safety nets shriveled, the library roof magically expanded from umbrella to tarp to circus tent to airplane hangar. The modern library keeps its citizens warm, safe, healthy, entertained, educated, hydrated and, above all, connected.” That story, while heartwarming, obscures the reality of what has happened. No institution “magically” takes on the role of the entire welfare state, especially none as underfunded as the public library. If the library has managed to expand its protective umbrella, it has done so after a series of difficult decisions. And that expansion has come with costs.

[littleeyesofpallas]

As much as I've always been pretty critical of the Lost Agent arc, and the Fullbringers as a concept, and the way their individual powers were handled... There really were a few little nuggets worth exploring that I wish there had been better plot accomodations to do so with.

I love the whole animist idea, I just don't know that it fit very well into the Bleach world building. The idea of imbuing spirit and power and indeed a Heart into inanimate objects, especially in the context of Ichigo and Ginjo having lost shinigami powers in different ways, COULD have made for a really fascinating parallel with zanpakutou if it had been even lightly explored.

And while the idea of the Fullbringers getting their innate powers as a consequence of hollow attacks on their mothers was wildly and needlessly arbitrary, I DO wish they'd interrogated the Hollow-like nature of those powers. We got a few back stories more or less just establishing that they were all a little toxic, but not all in ways that reflected the Hollow M.O. it didn't come as a conflict of powerful desire and overindulgence. It didn't manifest as a need to consume and destroy those close to them.

It could have been really interesting to see more of how a human can have an innately hollow like personality or impulse problems. It could have been cool to see how a familiarity with hollows spiritually could have resulted in a natural need to manifest a mask, but the mask is the Fullbring, but the Fullbring is more like a zanpakutou and its shikai than like a hollow mask. So instead of putting the best of yourself into a sword that can look you in the eye and offer you power in exchange for self respect and understanding you put the worst of yourself into an object and it gives you power in exchange for indulging in your compulsions and fixations.

Really the best version of this that we got was Riruka, where her "love" is literally possessive and manifests that first time as her abducting the boy she's basically stalking. And basically no one else got this kind of relationship with their Fullbring

Arguably Yukio replacing his negligent parents with his videogame world sort of touches on a version of it as well, but he's given such a passive role in that dynamic that it doesn't quite reflect on him so much as on his parents. If anything it could have been interesting to see his life as not as bad as he'd convinced himself it was, but that he actively chose fantasy over reality, rather than being pushed towards it by circumstance.

Alternatively it could have been cool to see how the Fullbring itself could've been hollow-like. In the way a hollow puts itself into its mask, a Fullbringer puts themselves into their objects. Is the spirit given to that special object benevolent, or even ambivalent, or is it a repository for all its user's negative thoughts and feelings? Does it grow stronger only as it serves to mask more and more of their self hatred and identity issues? Like the initial threat of the inner hollow swallowing and consuming an identity that Hirako threatens Ichigo with, could the Fullbring itself have threatened to consume its user? If you put enough of yourself into the object, and the object gains power and identity, is it possible that one day the object contains more of "you" than you do? Does it begin to want power on its own? Does it start to take more of that power, that emotional investment, that connection, that heart from its human user?

It would have been an interesting vehicle for Ichigo's arc if the Fullbring has explicitly been powered by unhealthy obsession and the substitution of a fetish totem in place of real interpersonal connections: if Ichigo's implicit flaw had been his attachment to his powers as an extension of his need to protect others. The way Riruka's flaw was in how she loved people onesidedly, literally objectifying them. The way Yukio's flaw was in how he retreated into a fake reality while neglecting the real one in a desperate need for control.

[nomadomar]

Arabization: The Lost Stories of Transformation

Chapter 3: The Scholar's Dilemma

The sun was setting over Istanbul, casting a golden hue over the sprawling city that straddled two continents. In the 16th century, Istanbul was the beating heart of the Ottoman Empire, a city where the East met the West in a vibrant tapestry of culture, trade, and ideas. Within its grand walls, the Topkapi Palace stood as a symbol of the empire’s power and knowledge, a labyrinth of opulent chambers and vast libraries where the wisdom of the world was stored.

In one of the palace’s lesser-known corners, a forgotten room had recently been uncovered—a chamber that had remained sealed for generations. Inside, a single scroll lay undisturbed, its parchment yellowed with age, the symbols inscribed upon it indecipherable to all who had attempted to read it. The scroll’s mysterious origins had sparked curiosity and speculation, leading the Sultan’s chief librarian to summon one man who might be able to unlock its secrets: Niketas, a Greek scholar known throughout the empire for his brilliant mind and mastery of classical languages.

As Niketas approached the weathered scroll, the air in the chamber seemed to thicken with anticipation. The chief librarian watched closely, aware that this was no ordinary text. Niketas, however, was calm, his mind already at work, attempting to place the symbols in the context of the many languages he had studied. He unrolled the scroll with care, his fingers brushing over the ancient parchment. As the symbols came into view, they seemed to shimmer, pulsating with a life of their own, as if guarding the secrets of a lost world.

Niketas leaned in, his sharp eyes scanning the script. It was unlike anything he had ever seen, yet it drew him in, compelling him to delve deeper. There was something about the symbols—a rhythm, a pattern—that hinted at a meaning just beyond his grasp. His pulse quickened as he began to decipher the first few lines, the words slowly unraveling like the threads of a long-forgotten tapestry.

The text spoke of a civilization that predated even the oldest Sumerian records, a society that had flourished in the deserts of Arabia, leaving behind not just monuments and relics, but a legacy of wisdom that transcended time. The words on the scroll were not mere historical accounts; they were a repository of knowledge, a key to understanding the essence of an ancient Arab civilization that had once been the pinnacle of human achievement.

As Niketas read on, he felt a strange sensation—a tingling at the back of his mind, as if the scroll was communicating with him on a level beyond language. The logical, methodical part of his mind resisted this idea, but another part of him, a part he had long suppressed, welcomed it. He had always been driven by an insatiable thirst for knowledge, a desire to uncover the truths of the world. But there was more to it than that. Beneath his erudition lay a secret obsession with the Arab world, a culture he viewed with both admiration and envy.

Niketas had spent his life steeped in the works of Homer, Aristotle, and Plato, but it was the poetry, science, and philosophy of the Arab scholars that had always fascinated him. He admired their contributions to mathematics, astronomy, and medicine—fields in which they had surpassed even the greatest minds of Greece. Yet, this fascination was something he had kept hidden, knowing that his peers would never understand his desire to immerse himself in the very culture that had overshadowed his own.

As he deciphered more of the text, Niketas began to experience strange dreams—dreams where he walked through cities of white marble, their streets lined with palm trees and bustling with activity. He heard the voices of long-dead scholars, their words filled with wisdom and insight, as they debated under the shade of a grand colonnade. In these dreams, he saw himself wearing the robes of an Arab sage, his every movement filled with purpose and confidence.

These dreams were not mere figments of his imagination; they felt real, as if he were living another life in a different time. When he awoke, the dreams stayed with him, influencing his thoughts and actions. He found himself speaking Arabic with ease, as though the language had always been a part of him. His Greek heritage, once a source of pride, began to fade in importance. He started to adopt the customs and habits of the Arabs, even changing his attire to match those he now felt an inexplicable kinship with.

The scroll’s influence grew stronger with each passing day, altering not just Niketas’s mind but his very soul. He became increasingly isolated from his colleagues, who noticed the profound changes in him but could not comprehend their cause. Niketas’s transformation was gradual yet relentless, pulling him deeper into an identity that felt both foreign and utterly natural.

He stopped attending the meetings of the Greek scholars at the palace, preferring instead to spend his time in the company of Arab intellectuals. His once-immaculate Greek robes were replaced by flowing Arab garments, and his diet, once rich with the flavors of the Mediterranean, now consisted of the simple, nourishing dishes of the desert. The more he embraced this new identity, the more the scroll seemed to reward him, revealing its secrets in greater detail, guiding him on a path that felt predestined.

The text, Niketas realized, was not just a collection of words; it was a living entity, a repository of the essence of a civilization that had transcended time. The knowledge it contained was not merely academic; it was transformative, reshaping the very fabric of who he was. The logical, methodical part of his mind had been overwhelmed by something far more powerful—a mystical force that defied reason but felt undeniably real.

As the days turned into weeks, Niketas became consumed by the text. He no longer thought of himself as a Greek scholar; that identity had faded like a distant memory. He was now something else, something more—an embodiment of the wisdom contained within the scroll. His transformation was complete by the time he had fully deciphered the text. He was no longer Niketas; he had become Sheikh Nuh al-Hakim, a sage of the Arab world, a revered figure whose wisdom was sought by scholars from across the empire.

Sheikh Nuh’s old identity had faded away, replaced by a new purpose: to spread the ancient knowledge contained in the text to the furthest reaches of the Ottoman Empire. His transformation was an unstoppable force, one that had not only altered his being but also influenced those around him. The other scholars, both Greek and Arab, came to him for guidance, drawn to the depth of his understanding and the clarity of his vision.

The story concludes with Sheikh Nuh al-Hakim standing in a grand lecture hall within the palace, teaching a new generation of scholars. The scroll, once a mystery, was now a wellspring of knowledge that had reshaped not only Niketas but also the intellectual landscape of the empire. As he looked out over his students, he felt a deep sense of fulfillment, knowing that the wisdom of the ancient Arab civilization would continue to thrive through him.

His journey was complete, not just as a scholar, but as a man who had fully embraced a new identity, leaving behind the past in pursuit of a greater truth. Sheikh Nuh al-Hakim was no longer bound by the constraints of his Greek heritage; he had become a bridge between cultures, a vessel through which the knowledge of the ancient Arab world could flow into the future.

As he ended his lecture and dismissed his students, Sheikh Nuh al-Hakim stood alone in the lecture hall, the echoes of his words still reverberating in the air. He gazed at the scroll, now enshrined in a place of honor at the front of the room, and felt a profound connection to the civilization it represented. His transformation had been both a journey and a destination, leading him to a place where knowledge was not just learned, but lived.

With a quiet resolve, Sheikh Nuh al-Hakim left the lecture hall, his mind already turning to the next task, the next opportunity to spread the wisdom he had come to embody. His past as Niketas was but a shadow, eclipsed by the light of a new identity that shone brightly in the vast tapestry of the Arab world.

Arabization: The Lost Stories of Transformation Chapter 1: The Scribe's Awakening Chapter 2: The Moorish Guardian Chapter 3: The Scholar's Dilemma

The next chapter will be released next Monday 23rd September. 💚

[dotthings]

All right, here's the spn 5.18 rewatch Dean and Cas brainrot.

And this was only near the beginning of where that story's going to go!!

As Dean breaks, so shall Cas break. They're so entangled here and it's heartwrenching. Both of them have been moving towards despair most of S5, mirroring each other, both of them losing faith. Dean's losing faith in his brother, Cas losing faith in his father, Cas finds a liquor store and he drinks it, Cas losing faith in Dean is what makes Cas finally snap and temporarily go out of his mind.

The beatdown in the alley is exactly the wrong way for Cas to go about things, and that was the point. I can't cheer Cas on, and Dean didn't deserve that. It wasn't the way to reach Dean.

But I can feel how tragic this is. Seeing Cas spin out and break, and he has no precedent on how to handle the emotions coursing through him, he's still a semi-feral cosmic being, full of hurt and disappointment and anger. Cas's feelings are valid...but that doesn't mean every demonstration of anger is the right thing. While Dean is sinking into despair and we know he's feeling that he's disappointed Cas.

There's a bit of a Bobby parallel too--not that Bobby goes to the extremes Cas goes to. But Bobby's words as he snaps at Dean and tries to guilt him about giving up, is also a wrong approach with Dean. It's Bobby leaning on Dean so hard to be the repository of his hope, the keeper of his faith, and it's what Cas does too, and both lash out at Dean in different ways. So we can talk about Cas has a lot to learn and a lot more to go, and he does, I'm not saying Bobby is like Cas, but pointing out that even a middle-aged compassionate human with lots of experience with feelings like Bobby is imperfect. As is Dean. And Sam. And that's one of the show's long running themes.

I will point out Cas is holding back. Given his power levels what he does in that alley is incredibly dangerous, but the fact that he's snapping and yet will not actually do grievous lasting hurt to Dean. He never forgets who Dean is, he's dealing with all these feelings, hurt and disappointment, but not so far gone he forgets. And then he uncurls his fist.

Cas never does anything like that again, except when he is literally being mind-controlled, by a magic spell or angel brainwashing. S5 is the one and only time Cas lands a fist on Dean of his own volition. And let's not forget how Sam and Dean strike each other, of their own volition.

The Dean and Cas dynamics in this ep are also so utterly unhinged, from both sides.

"I gave everything for you and this is what you give me" actual canonical dialogue!!!

And Dean, who is lashing out at everyone he's close to in this episode, in different ways, with Cas he chooses a sexual taunt, he chooses to mock Cas flirtatiously.

"Well Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that, I got laid" and then he winks. And it's not a reassuring wink, or a brotherly wink, it's a full on saucy come-on kind of wink. And the way Cas glowers at him and shuts the panic room door!!!!

Also when Dean kills Zach, he does it with an angel blade, which he would have gotten from Cas. And that after the alleyway, Cas tells Dean in calm words, that his faith in Dean has faltered, instead of doing it with violence. It stings, but it's progress, and he is there, standing with Dean, despite Cas's claims of losing faith, and risks himself to disperse the angels so Sam and Dean can rescue Adam.

This ep is some raw, emotional Dean and Cas and it's one of the Kripke era eps that rewired my brain on that relationship, like The End.

[familyabolisher]

I’d love to hear more about the terrible thing at the edge of the lake! It’s really well written, and idk if i was just projecting or if you’re so skilled that you made it clear that Anthony lived his childhood as a girl without ever really saying it. Genuinely, i don’t know how you did that.

lake story commentary under the read more >:)

yeah i mean, as you say, the crux of this story is that our narrator is a trans man. i threw in a handful of clues that gestured towards the fact:

the name being the very first thing we learn about him, and the fact that he takes pride in it (& feels the need to share that pride with his "audience"). it's a chosen name; he is a pretty pretentious guy, and he wants us to see the artistry behind it. the story closes with him telling us that he "[has] been Anthony Misha Cohen ever since" he entered the lake; with what the lake represents in the story, this is him telling us that he decided to transition.

that the dead fox "made no advances" on the dead rabbit, and "thus disproved that claim to all of Nature’s predispositions being wholly ineluctable"; this is, of course, a gesture towards biological determinism. anthony points it out to us because that's what he's trying to focalise in telling this story. a lot of the piece is about agency versus inevitability, what we do and what is done to us. in the end, he chooses to act rather than be acted upon, which is how he is able to articulate his transness.

that one of the body parts thrown up by the lake is a severed breast; ha ha, top surgery, etc. looking at this more broadly, the narrative focus turning to these individual, isolated body parts ("Ought the lake to have thrown up a whole human body for my taking? It never did.") was intended to speak to a sense of alienation induced by dysphoria.

to speak a little more broadly, the story is in part about finding yourself coming into conflict with narratives of "coherence," which is to say, normativity, and (as i glossed in the second bullet point) about agency vs. subjectivity. i like to read the lake in the passage from streetcar that i referenced as representative of what lies outside the limits of heteronormativity; if you don't know, this specific passage has blanche describe the time she accidentally caused the suicide of her gay husband by revealing to him that she saw & was disgusted by his sexual relationship with another man. when he shoots himself, he becomes a 'terrible thing at the edge of the lake,' and i'm caught by his being, specifically, a 'thing'; for the rest of the play, he & his death come to metonymically stand for the essential failure of heterosexuality & sexual normativity that leads blanche to eventual ruin. he ceases to be a person and becomes a piece of metonymy; a signifier of the possibility of queerness, and the social paradigms that such a possibility threatens to rupture. this slots in well with my interest in spatial demarcation in fiction as a process of marking the boundaries of hegemony; all of streetcar takes place in one apartment, and who can and cannot live comfortably within the borders of the apartment aligns entirely with who can and cannot live comfortably within the borders of heteronormativity. compare apartment to lake; if the 'thing at the edge of the lake' is allan grey, and is therefore the possibility of queerness, then the lake itself is the repository, in a sense, for everything that sexual normativity & hegemony fundamentally cannot absorb.

& that's what anthony's lake is! ofc we're talking about transness in my story, but i'm playing around with the same essential idea of something that exists through its abjection & its absence, made sense of through its presumed impossibility. & it sets him at odds with his family, none of whom can see it. long before he can put words to what he wants, he has to live with the physical presence of the lake, & how that presence moulds his interfacing with the world even as he is the only person able to "see" it. as i said, i'm playing with the idea of spatial zones as standing in for discursive ones; the lake represents the marginalised, peripheralised forms of gender + sexuality by which sexual normativity + hegemony has to make sense of itself, and anthony lives with a heightened awareness of their existence before he has the language or the frameworks to properly recognise them. similarly, even people who cannot "see" the lake (for whom sexual normativity is naturalised such that the lake's "function" can become, in effect, background noise) can read this accidental departure from the norm into his affect.

& this idea of course brings us to the eyeball which provokes what is discursively figured as transition. i wrote this as an inversion of blanche's "I saw! You disgust me!" - when blanche "sees," queerness is no longer a distant & peripheral construction shoring up her understanding of heterosexuality without her ever having to confront it, but is instead in her immediate vicinity, and her response is to set off the chain of events that restore allan to "the edge of the lake" and to metonymic signifier. when anthony is "seen," by the lake itself, the world made possible by the lake is -- again -- no longer distant & peripheral, but immediate, and confrontational ("nothing but the water to distinguish it from me") (this is also why i referenced clare quilty, and vladimir nabokov/vivian darkbloom -- lolita doppelgangers strike a similar chord to this moment!). unlike blanche, his response to seeing and being seen is to finally admit to himself that the world represented by the "lake" is the world to which he wishes to belong. it's important that this is a conscious and deliberate choice -- throughout the story, it's always possible for anthony to remain, essentially, an unhappy girl, and to grow up into an unhappy woman. he tells us as much -- "But there were practical reasons for which I between the ages of eleven and twenty-one felt that I could not merely become that which I anticipated so fervently. If the lake were to take me—as I was certain it intended to do—I for so long committed resolutely to the idea that it had to be a happy happenstance, a fortuitous accident by which I could willingly and joyously forfeit all agency in the matter. I lasted so long in this state." anthony knows, at some level, what he is, but he spends a long time trying to make sense of it without having to act. when he is finally "seen," he acts, and this to me is a useful way of thinking about transness; not as deterministic inevitability, but as an expression of gendered agency.

i don't want to break it down sentence-by-sentence because i feel like that takes a lot of the fun out of reading it, but i hope this commentary was helpful -- i love this piece, i was dying to talk about it.

[alessiathepirate]

December 24

Prompt: "I thought you were going home for Christmas." "Well, I couldn't leave you all alone."

The Dark Pictures Anthology: The Curator x fem!reader

•••

The Repository didn't look like an ordinary room at all. Even the halls leading up to it weren't normal, they led to many different places if you didn't have a compass with you and the ability to know how it works.

Still, for Christmas it was quite ordinary.

Nothing changed, everything looked like it did yesterday or the day before yesterday. It was dark, full of books and cold. Quite cold, even with the fireplace present.

But no matter how empty and cold it seemed when compared to the streets in the cities, she stayed there for the holiday. Or at least came back for the holiday.

"I thought you were going home for Christmas." The Curator said, not hiding his surprised tone, as she walked through the door.

He was holding a book in his hands, a thick one, the one she knew was full of empty pages. They must have had a visitor.

"Well, I couldn't leave you all alone here, could I?" she asked with a small smile as she got rid of her gloves and started to take off her scarf.

Soon the book was put on The Curator's desk as he walked around it to help her with her coat. His hands unbuttoned it carefully, and she couldn't help but smile shily when he helped it off her shoulders, his fingers barely touching her arms.

"I appreciate the concern dear, but you should've gone home to enjoy the holidays."

"I changed my mind. I'd rather spend it here with you than spend it with people who don't think of me as someone important." she explained slowly.

"Stupidity when one's left in the dark about things is always amusing." he said as she started to walk around, eventually walking up to the desk to see which story he's telling. "I hope you don't believe that of yourself."

"Every life is equally important." she said as she smiled, knowing that's part of the teachings in the stories. "If I see it right we have a story to finish. 'House of Ashes' again?"

"That seemed to fit our visitor best."

She stayed there, leaning against the desk as she looked at him and considered him. They both had important roles in the job they were doing even if she was the only human being in it.

Would they have time for a bit of celebration?

Did The Curator celebrate it?

"When will our visitor be back?" she asked.

"In about an hour or so, I believe."

They both looked at the other, seemingly both of them understanding what she wanted. She smiled at that.

"Merry Christmas by the way." she said with a careful tone and a slight headtilt. "Care to have a drink with me?"

It was very rare that The Curator smiled, but right then he did. Without answering her he picked up two glasses and a bottle of wine, the kind they drank once or twice when no visitor came.

They chose to move toward the fireplace, where she put two armchairs years before. That was the warmest corner of the Repository. She adored it a lot.

Before taking a glass from him and sitting down, she pulled the small Christmas stocking from her pocket, not bigger than her palm. She put it up above the fireplace, making her favourite corner more comfortable.

"It looks better, doesn't it?" she asked as she took a glass from him.

"Much better dear."

They sipped some wine after they gently collided their glasses. One of his arms rested around her waist as a sign of affection.

"You know, we are probably the only ones who work during Christmas and no one's there to appreciate what we do." she said as they sat down.

"Once again, the stupidity of the blind. The world would be empty without the stories we tell."

She hummed, putting her glass aside.

Loving Death meant having these moments. The calm ones. The beautiful ones. The ones in a warm and comfortable corner.

She looked at their hands holding each other, fingers intertwined.

Loving Death meant loving the thought of dying too.

"Care to read a story for me while we wait?" she asked.

The Curator most obviously said yes.

[thedupshadove]

Recap of a thought/research journey I went on recently:

It all started with a Tumblr post (which alas I now can't find) where someone was asked about the possibility of a M*A*S*H AU set in the Iraq or Afghanistan conflicts. And the person responded that it wouldn't work because "M*A*S*H needs the draft"--that if you set it in an era when the US isn't practicing military conscription, you fundamentally alter the story and most of the characters.

And that got me wondering, if we can't bring M*A*S*H forward in time, can we instead bring it back? My immediate thought was "Mexican-American Surgical Hospital"

But then I did a little digging, and discovered that my initial assumption--that the draft was something the U.S. just Had until it Didn't--was wrong. We didn't have a peacetime draft until the 20th century, and we've only used conscription during 6 conflicts, and the Mexican-American War wasn't one of them. Instead, our choices are: The Revolutionary War, The Civil War, The Two World Wars, Korea, and Vietnam.

I discarded Vietnam right away because a.) too obvious and b.) doesn't fit the goal of moving the story farther into the past. And the American Revolution, Civil War, and WWII all feel like bad fits because, even as we acknowledge that they were deep repositories of human suffering (as even the most just war must be), and that the "good guys" weren't angels, and that the high generals were all too willing to make "acceptable losses" out of their own men, we still feel that there was the germ of something that legitimately needed to be fought for. (and besides, WWII is too close to Korea temporarly).

Now, WWI, by contrast, has been writ into the history books as a gigantic political clusterfuck that killed 40 million people for not a single goddamn reason, so maybe a M*A*S*H WWI AU has potential? Well, maybe, but I'm not entirely convinced, for one important reason.

See, one of the most legitimately moving parts of AfterM*A*S*H was the speech Klinger gives in court, where he talks about how, in mainstream American society, it's as if the Korean war never even happened. And the same can very much not be said for WWI. That's part of what gives M*A*S*H its power, to me; that it sets itself in a place and time of American misbehavior that doesn't get the kind of light shined on it that Vietnam does.

So, if you're going to preserve M*A*S*H's status as a story about war... maybe it actually does have to be a story about the Korean war. Which is somewhat at odds with both the recieved wisdom that it was "really" about Vietnam, and the take that it's about war as a whole.

[fictional-library-tournament]

Prelims round 1, poll 10

Propaganda

The Library, Beauty: A Retelling of the Story of Beauty and the Beast by Robin McKinley:

None

The Great Library, Thursday Next chronicles by Jasper Fforde:

The Great Library contains every book ever written, both as literal texts and as worlds with living characters who act out and protect their stories! It's about the metafiction! It's about narrative shape and autonomy! It's about metaphors that are alive and ready to fight back! Also the Cheshire Cat is there and Miss Havisham does illegal drag racing.

The Library Starship Alexandria, Krøniken om stjerneskipet Alexandria by Jon Bing:

The library ship Alexandria flies between the stars in the 1970s Norwegian children's book series, in a universe colonised by humanity - but travel between planets takes years, and communication is at the speed of the fastest ship. Alexandria and her sister library ships travel from world to world, bringing the totality of their stored databanks of knowledge to each world, free to use for a time, free to copy and keep - and when she inevitably leaves, her librarian staff settling into cryosleep once more, it is with yet another world's knowledge added to pay forward. Vote for Alexandria, not just because "giant library starship" is cool, but because her mission - to gather, preserve and share the totality of human knowledge - however unrealistic a goal - is at the very core of what libraries are and aspire to be.

Athenaeum, Nevernight Chronicle by Jay Kristoff:

All the books that never were! And bookworms!

Grimm Collection – New York Circulating Repository, The Grimm Legacy by Polly Shulman:

it's a library where you can check out fairy tale objects. there's also collections for science fiction objects and horror novel stuff. and it goes in depth to like what pages do and how the call numbers work which is pretty fun for a book about libraries to do

Bag End library, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien:

Not the largest collection, but in possession of THE primary sources regarding the Fellowship of the Ring and the adventure to the Lonely Mountain, as well as several other historical texts and translations that may otherwise have been lost to time without the care and keeping of Bilbo, Frodo, and Sam.

[beevean]

Changing Castlevania from a living Creature of Chaos to Dracula's Castle of Science was so lame

It is, and not just because you have such a cool concept of a castle that is actually an eldritch location that defies the laws of logic and reality, intimately tied with its Lord, and there was nothing done with it. (special shout out to LoS for actually doing something very cool with it)

Reducing Dracula to a "man of science" is a bit... I don't know how to say. My first word is "tasteless"?

One, I noticed the focus the story puts on Dracula's supposed holding on knowledge. Lisa going to him to ask him to teach him older ways to heal people is cute. Isaac wanting to protect him because his knowledge is more important than his own life is ehhh feels reductive IMO (and this is why making Isaac both a worshipper and Dracula's bestie doesn't work), but whatever. Alucard lamenting that with his madness and death the world will lose "a repository of centuries of learning" feels weird at this point. Like. Why is the main concern what Dracula can offer to the world? Why is he only worth something because he's a giant living library? Besides, the castle didn't crumble with his death unlike in the games, so all of his books and inventions or whatever he has still stand. What about him as a person? Don't you care about your damn father, Alucard?

Two, it's just another way to CHURCH BAD. See? Humans are stupid because they have the CHURCH BAD that holds them back! Vampires don't, so they get to have electricity in the 15th century! Ohhh, ahhh! And Lisa doesn't get to escape this, ofc, because she was the one who was offended at the idea of being seen as a witch - no no she wants to learn real science, thank you very much!

And three, tied to the above, it's yet another piece that adds to the elvification of vampires. I'm reminded of this scene:

Lenore: Mm. It's a lovely night, don't you think? Hector: It's a bloody chilly night. It was warmer in my cell. Lenore: That's because we channel waste heat around the castle with pipes. Hector: Really? Even to the cells? Lenore: I keep telling you. We're not monsters. Hector: Dracula's castle moved heat around with pipes. Is that vampire magic? Lenore: Actually, just science. Centuries old. The thing is, Hector, humans forget things and vampires don't. You have a lot to learn.

(yeah sure you're not monsters because you keep the cell warm, that's why you guys stripped hector naked and doused him in icy water, lenore you are such a bad liar and you're lucky hector was lobotomized after s2)

And this scene, where Alucard lights the lamps in the Belmont Hold and the Japanese not-twins are all amazed:

Sumi: Magic lanterns! Alucard: Lightning. Not magic. Taka: You put lightning into lamps and you tell us it's not magic? Alucard: It's really not. The Parthians were storing lightning in jars two hundred years before Christ.

Again, vampires are soooo cool because they have advanced technology to dazzle the inferior rac-- I mean, humans with. They have their own culture, their own books with their own "vampire philosophy", untampered by the stupid CHURCH BAD. That's what makes them worthy of being protected :) and that's why the Belmonts are mean when they kill them and their mysterious children :)

In some aspects, NFCV really reminds me of Twilight - and in this case, it's the insistence on both making vampires "creatures of science" (something something crosses freak them out because amazing predator vision) and elevating them to a noble, smarter race that is nothing but superior to the stupid humans. The only thing missing was Hector or Isaac going all Bella Swan and begging to be turned by Lenore or Dracula to become a superior creature.

[singularfortean]

The latest 'Reports from the Void' discusses the extreme fear and sense of evil that some witnesses report during encounters with winged humanoids.