#I DO NOT OWN THIS CONCEPT I WANNA MAKE THAT CLEAR

[fluffycoffeebuns]

I had the privilege to go to GalaxyCon 2023 a month ago, and I managed to meet the absolutely phenomenal @misslovelyillustration !

Jordan’s art work is such an inspiration to me, and I couldn’t resist redrawing one of the art prints I bought from her! Jordan, I really hope you like it!!

‼️‼️THIS IS A REDRAW. I DO NOT OWN THIS CONCEPT‼️‼️

Concept owned by @misslovelyillustration

Character belongs to me

[virgomooning]

Everybody be quiet I’ve hit a stroke of genius

[buckymorelikefuckme]

and baby makes three

(the reboot)

bucky barnes x fem reader

words: 11.3k

warnings: **18+ ONLY** friends to lovers, pining, smut, oral (f receiving), breeding kink, pregnancy kink, cockwarming (kind of??), trigger warning for having troubles with getting pregnant. it's still super fuckin soft despite all of that though, i swear.

a/n: okay so it's currently 6am as i'm typing this and i haven't been to sleep yet bc i decided to just heavily edit this instead of rewrite it bc i'm lazy i guess idk. this was posted originally back in 2021 i believe and it's still on ao3 it's just orphaned rip. i promise i'll be writing and posting new stuff soon ok pls have faith in me and cheer me on bc it's hard and scary and i don't wanna disappoint anybody :( ANYWAY, as usual, any and all mistakes are my own. if i've missed anything important pls let me know so i can correct it. feedback is encouraged (pls) and appreciated (i am begging...)

The idea of you having a child one day always seemed foreign and very unlikely. Sure, you liked kids well enough, but having one of your own…

It’s a thought that’s sat in a corner deep in your mind, buried beneath a million other impossible concepts; a thought that you’ve only ever glanced over and never gave your full attention, having ruled it out ages ago as something you just couldn’t—or wouldn’t—do.

And then, on a day like any other, it pushes its way to the forefront of your mind, making itself known and unwilling to leave.

You’re going into the clothing store to find a new cardigan after your most favorite one got eaten by the dryer. Usually you’re a single-minded shopper, walking into a store with tunnel vision and on a mission to get what you need and that’s it.

Today, however, you make the mistake of letting your eyes wander on your way to the sweater section. Your gaze just so happens to land on the baby clothes… and your steps falter. It’s there that you see it, a tiny, pink onesie with a sleeping teddy bear printed on the front, displayed on an even tinier hanger. There’s matching pants with teddy bears all over them and ruffles on the butt and all your brain can muster up is cutecutecutecutecute.

Your feet carry you closer and before you realize what you’re doing you pick up the outfit, letting out a coo when you realize the teddy bear is fuzzy, softly rubbing your thumb across it. Somehow, you walk out of the store, not with a new cardigan, but with the cute baby outfit and a bow you thought looked adorable with it.

It’s not until you get home that it hits you, that you bought baby clothes for a baby you don’t even have.

The feeling that rushes through you is hard to describe. Shame? Embarrassment?

...Yearning?

No. Definitely not. Nope.

There’s absolutely no yearning going on here, not for a baby. You’ve never even had that desire before and you certainly don’t see yourself having it now. You shake your head to clear it, telling yourself you’ll take it back tomorrow.

Except you don’t take it back. You conveniently “forget” and it stays shoved on the top shelf in your hall closet. You pretend you don’t pause in front of said closet throughout the following days—weeks—chewing on the inside of your cheek and staring at the door like you can see through the wood at the evidence of your impulsive purchase.

It gets harder to ignore, though, when you start getting ads for baby clothing brands. And baby toys, bottles, handy little gadgets for new parents, nursery decor… It’s endless.

Then, as if it wasn’t already bad enough, all of your childhood friends start popping out babies like it’s a brand new trend. You don't think you've seen your social media this flooded with pregnancy announcements and baby arrivals, ever. Your emotions are mixed; happy for them, and for their excitement, but there’s also a weird discomfort settled in your stomach.

You hesitate to be that person who thinks the universe is trying to tell you something, but you do wonder. Why else would you suddenly have these feelings? Why else would there be baby stuff everywhere you look now?

It brings on other thoughts, as well. In this day and age, it’s not too unusual for women to have babies without being married, or without a significant other at all. There is the pressure, still, to at least be in a relationship, but considering you’ve been practically in love with one of your closest friends for the last two years, it’s safe to say that you’re tragically single, so having a baby with someone is out of the question.

And god, do you even want a baby?

As soon as the thought crosses your mind, with a sudden clarity that hits you like a ton of bricks, you realize you do. It feels like a freight train has slammed into you. Your mind’s eye supplies you with images of a swollen belly and wide smile, a precious baby wrapped in a soft blanket, cradled in your arms, a gummy grin and happy giggle.

Emotion consumes you then, longing like you’ve never felt in your life, chest aching with how badly you want that.

It’s not as if you’re too young. You’re plenty old enough and you’ve got a secure job. You don’t subscribe to that whole biological clock nonsense, but you do feel that if you are going to potentially have a baby, it might be better to do it now while you’re still in relatively good health.

You groan, dropping your face into your open palms, the movie you'd been watching to try and distract yourself long forgotten as it continues to play on the television.

This is a lot to think about, you ponder to yourself. Taking a deep breath in and releasing it slowly, you decide the mature thing to do is give yourself more time to ruminate on it. Having a baby is no small decision. You need to be absolutely certain it’s what you want. It’s going to change your entire life, everything, and you’d be responsible for a new life. So, you’ll have to give yourself a few months to decide and then you can go from there.

***

You’re scrolling through yet another article on your laptop, engrossed in every detail of the process of artificial insemination and the symptoms and side effects that come with it. So engrossed, in fact, that you don’t hear the key turning in the lock, the door opening and closing, and the heavy footfalls that follow.

It’s only when Bucky asks, “Whatcha reading?” that you are even aware of his presence.

You startle so hard that your knee slams into the underside of your table. Ignoring the throbbing pain in your knee and your wildly beating heart, you close your laptop with a snap and turn to Bucky.

“You could knock,” you grouse.

“Why give me a key, then?” he retorts, unapologetic.

You roll your eyes and grumble under your breath, “Clearly, it was a mistake.”

“You didn’t answer me.”

Brows furrowed, you ask, “What?”

He gestures to your laptop. “What were you reading? Your nose was nearly smushed against the screen.”

You blink, trying to think of a reasonable excuse and coming up empty.

“Nothing,” is all your brilliant mind can supply.

Bucky’s eyes narrow for a few seconds, and you pray to every higher power and all that is holy and good that he won’t press further. You remain frozen under Bucky’s suspicious stare, hearing that Old West shootout music playing in your mind.

Thankfully, it seems the deities are feeling indulgent, as Bucky chooses let it go.

He holds up the bags he carried in. “I brought lunch.”

You perk up instantly. “Did you go to that one place—?”

“With the fried rice you like so much, yes,” he finishes for you, smiling.

“You’re the best,” you sigh, stomach rumbling eagerly.

“I know,” he replies, solemn and dramatic like the idiot he is.

He begins taking out the styrofoam boxes and chattering on about something dumb Steve did the other day, and you mean to listen, you really do. It’s just. That article is still lingering in your brain. There’s so many steps and hassles. Plus, it’s not cheap. It would be a hefty investment.

You’d only researched it because, after months of contemplating the pros and cons of having a baby, you determined the pros far outweigh the cons. But then the problem was: how to even make it happen.

Your first thought was that you didn’t think you’d let just any man come inside you, for many obvious reasons. You’d shuddered to think of it. Then there was surrogacy, which is admirable and wonderful, but you’d quickly dismissed that idea as you realized you wanted to actually carry the baby yourself. So that led you to artificial insemination. You weren’t sure how you felt about it yet. There was something a little too clinical about choosing a random man’s sperm to have injected into your uterus.

Bucky’s still speaking as he grabs plates and forks, unaware of your inner monologue. “And then he got Sam involved,” he’s saying, scooping out food onto the plates, “which, as you know, I always think is a dumb thing to do.”

“I want to have a baby,” you blurt, eyes widening at your outburst.

Bucky fumbles with the spoon, sending fried rice flying, muttering curses as he tries to catch it with no luck as it lands with a dull clunk on the table. The silence that follows is loud. It feels like your heart is in your throat as you wait for him to just say something, anything.

“This is… quite a mess I’ve made,” Bucky finally observes. His voice is a bit higher than usual. “Where’s your vacuum? Actually, do you have one of those mini ones? Or would Clorox wipes be better? You know what, I’ll do both.”

He nods decisively then turns an expectant look towards you. His eyes look a bit wild, but you wisely keep that to yourself.

Wordlessly, you direct him to your hall closet. You realize your error a second too late when he opens the closet and reaches for the vacuum on the top shelf, where the purchase you’d made months ago also rests. His fingers get caught in the plastic bag when he grabs the handheld vacuum and its contents spill out. He goes to catch them right away, but once it registers what they are, he lets go of them like they’re on fire and nearly drops the vacuum on his foot.

Heat has been steadily creeping up your neck, but now your whole body feels aflame with embarrassment. The two of you stare at the baby clothes lying unassumingly on the floor for a long moment, until Bucky quietly walks back to the table with the vacuum clutched tightly in his fist. He flicks the switch on and it whirs to life, sucking up the bits of rice scattered around the table.

There’s another lengthy silence after he turns the vacuum off and you're unable to find the right thing to say to break it. Bucky does it for you.

“So… You’re serious.”

You meet his eyes and sigh heavily. “Yeah.”

He blinks a few times before clearing his throat, schooling his expression carefully. “I didn’t realize you were seeing someone.”

You cough lightly and start picking the peas out of your fried rice. “Well, that would be because I’m not.”

“I don’t think I follow,” he admits slowly.

You sigh again, lowering your gaze to your lap. “Look, I’ve thought about this a lot, okay? I’ve given myself months to really make sure it’s what I want. I’m in a good place in my life to have one, Bucky, and I don’t want to feel pressured to wait until I might get married.” You lift your gaze to his. “I want to have a baby,” you repeat firmly. “And I don’t need a partner to have one.”

You’re not sure why you feel the need to defend yourself. It’s not up to Bucky what you decide to do. You don’t need his approval, or anyone else’s. Maybe it’s because, even though you know it's not true, it feels like you're making too hasty of a decision.

After a beat, Bucky amends, “Well, I mean… You do…”

“Oh my god, shut up, you know what I mean,” you groan as you smack his arm, glad that he's not calling you crazy or trying to talk you out of it.

He doesn’t even flinch, the jerk.

“Wait, so what were you reading when I got here?” he suddenly questions, brows furrowed.

“Nothing,” you say too quickly, guiltily.

“Let me see your laptop then,” he counters as he crosses his arms over his chest.

You flounder for a second, scoffing. “What? No!”

“It can’t be that embarrassing, just show me,” he wheedles.

“Absolutely not.”

“Let me see!”

“It’s private!”

“Don’t be a chicken.”

Your eye twitches. “I’m not a chicken.” Bucky smirks and before he can even open his mouth you interject with a finger pointed accusingly at his face, “Do not start clucking at me, Bucky. I’ll kick your ass,” you threaten, though it's weak and you're not the only one who knows it.

You glare when his smirk only widens. Slowly, he moves his arms like he’s gonna flap them like chicken wings.

“Ugh! God, fine! You wanna know what I was reading?” You open your laptop and slide it over to him, turning it to where he can read it. “There.”

Bucky scans the page, then scans it again, eyes flicking all over like it’s in a different language. His cheeks grow redder and redder as he reads and you get a small sense of satisfaction at the sight.

“Wow,” he mutters finally. “You’re turkey baster serious.”

“James Buchanan Barnes,” you say, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“What?” he asks innocently.

When you make eye contact with him, you purse your lips to keep the laughter threatening to bubble out at bay, but the ever growing smile on Bucky’s face is hard to resist and you find yourself snorting a laugh that leads to uncontrollable giggles. Bucky’s laughing with you, his eyes crinkling on the sides. The tension you hadn’t realized you held in your shoulders loosens and you nudge his knee with yours in silent thanks.

“So,” he says after you've both calmed down.

“So,” you repeat, dragging it out, drumming your fingers on the tabletop. “I’ve been doing research, checking out all of my options, and while artificial insemination seems like the best choice… I don’t know, there’s just something too clinical about it,” you reply, voicing your concerns, “It doesn’t feel right. I know I said I don’t need a partner, and I don’t, but… Having absolutely no connection is weird.”

You shrug, waving a hand as if to say oh well, putting an end to the conversation, and pick up your plate to carry it over to the microwave. You reheat Bucky’s food while you’re up, and then you both start eating in comfortable silence. He gets halfway through his meal before speaking up.

“Have you… I mean, did you think about… I’ve heard that, uh. Some people ask another person…”

He trails off, clearly frustrated that he can’t just spit out what he’s trying to say. You think you understand what he means, though.

“I read up on surrogacy,” you say, biting your lip. “But I don’t think I’d want someone else to carry my baby.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean—I wasn’t suggesting, uh, that. Not that there’s anything wrong with it!” he rushes to say.

You tilt your head. “What did you mean then?”

“Well,” Bucky starts, stilted, licking his lips. “For the artificial insemination, have you considered… you know. Asking someone you’re close with?”

You frown, not following.

“For—for the sperm,” he clarifies, shifting in his seat.

“Oh,” you breathe, blinking rapidly, surprised as you think of how to reply. “Um. No? I wouldn’t even know who I could ask, to be honest. That’s quite the request, you know? Who would—“

“Me,” he interrupts, determined and cheeks flushed, “I would.”

Your own face heats. “Oh,” you say again, quieter.

You can say, with full confidence, that not once did it cross your mind to ask anyone to help you, but you especially would have never given thought to asking Bucky.

For a list of reasons, really, with “it’s Bucky” being right at the very top. Like—sure, yes, you’re in love with him, but after two years of no signs of reciprocation you’ve learned to stop dreaming, to stop hoping. If the attraction was mutual he would have shown it by now, right? And on top of that, his friendship means the world to you and you wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it. You'd never forgive yourself if you ever managed to fuck up the one good, constant thing going for you.

“Bucky,” you start, slow and careful, “this… This isn't something you can just jump into. It’s something you should think about for a while.”

He contemplates that for a second. “You’re right,” he concedes with a nod. “But…” He purses his lips, glancing away for a minute before turning back to you, leaning forward. “Okay listen, this is important for you. It’s going to change your whole life. You said it yourself, not having a connection to the sperm donor feels wrong. You’re my best friend, alright? I—care about you. You should pick someone you can trust.”

He clenches his jaw after he finishes speaking. You sort of hate the way your heart both flutters and plummets at his words. It’s nice to know you matter to him, just not in the way you’ve wanted for too long.

And if you’re really honest with yourself, Bucky would be a great choice as a donor. He’s in great health, has strong features that would look wonderful on any gender. But would you be able to handle the repercussions of having his child? Would you be able to look at your baby and see those features without it sending a pang through your chest every single time? You can’t say for certain.

Yet, the chance to have that type of connection with him, selfishly, sounds too good to pass up.

“At least think about it for a few days,” you murmur reluctantly.

It’s the most acceptance he’ll get and he knows it. A smile blooms across his face and you have to swallow down the warring emotions rising within you.

***

With the amount of research you do on the subject now, it doesn’t take long for you to find out that there are at-home kits for artificial insemination that are much easier (and cheaper). It’s easy to settle on that, clicking on the info to order your kit with butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

You read through the instructions online and it all sounds simple enough, until you get to the part where it says that having an orgasm after injection helps increase your chances of conception.

Blinking, heat crawling up your neck, you read that step several times, hoping you read it wrong, but it doesn’t change.

You… You can’t masturbate with Bucky’s sperm inside you. That’s a line you refuse to cross.

And besides, he’s a healthy man in his thirties who exercises regularly and eats fairly healthy food! You probably—definitely—won’t need to take that step. It’ll be fine. Probably.

Once the kit arrives, you call Bucky and ask him to come over so you can explain the process to him. Since he’s only across the hall of your apartment building, he’s there a moment later, letting himself in with his key.

“Let’s make a baby,” is how he greets you.

“Hold your horses,” you reply, fighting back a laugh. “I gotta walk you through everything first.”

He plops himself down next to you on your couch. “Fine, fine. Go ahead.”

Squaring your shoulders, you begin telling him how it all works, and what parts he is key for. You speak through your awkwardness, avoiding eye contact, when you explain that he’ll need to masturbate into a clean, sterile cup. You leave out how it’s suggested for you to also masturbate, deciding it’s not pertinent information for him to know.

“When do we start?” he asks once you’re done.

“I have to take an ovulation test first to find out the best days for me to conceive, but once I do that we’ll be able to, um.” You gesture vaguely. “I’ll be able to do the injections.”

He nods. “Alright.” He looks at you then, taking your hand in his and giving it a squeeze. “I’ll be here every step of the way, okay?”

“I know,” you say, smiling. “Thank you, Bucky.”

“You’re welcome,” he returns softly.

“No, really, thank you,” you assert. “This is a lot to take on and I can never fully repay you.”

Bucky shakes his head. “I want you to be happy, and I can see that having this baby is going to do that. I’ll do whatever I need to do to ensure it happens.”

You pull him into a hug, willing yourself to not cry. You’re not sure he’ll ever understand what this means for you, personally, or that you’d ever find a way to express it. He’s giving you so much more than just a baby.

***

The first injection time comes and you find yourself fidgeting where you sit as you wait for Bucky to bring over the, uh… sample. You do your best to not think about what he’s doing in his apartment, to not think about exactly how he’s collecting his sperm.

Now is not the time, you mentally scold yourself. Get it together.

A timid knock at your door alerts you to his presence. The fact he’s knocking says a lot about his own level of embarrassment about the situation.

His cheeks are pink when you open the door. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi,” you return.

He clears his throat and lifts the small cup in his hand. “Here’s… well, you know.”

You gingerly take it from him, not knowing what else to say, but when he smiles somewhat crookedly and turns to leave, you find yourself asking, “Will you stay?”

Bucky’s steps pause. “Huh?”

“Will you—I mean… Would you mind staying?” You shift on your feet. “This is a big moment for me. I-I don’t want to do it alone.”

“Are you asking me to…?” He trails off awkwardly.

“Oh! God, no, I wouldn’t—no,” you assure, huffing a laugh, “I’m doing the injection, I just need a little moral support. That’s all.”

Bucky smiles. “Sure, I’ll stay.”

Relief floods through you. You step aside to let him in, closing the door behind him. He follows you to your bedroom and just before entering you stop in your tracks, nearly causing Bucky to bump into you.

“Um,” you mutter, turning to him. “You’ll have to, ah, sit out here,” you explain. “I have to be lying down…”

Understanding dawns on him. “Oh! Right, right, of course. Sorry.”

“I’ll let you know when I’m done,” you promise.

He nods and watches you close the door. You walk over to your bed and sit down, glancing at the syringe you’ll be using and biting the inside of your cheek.

This is it. There’s really no going back after this. Sure, you may not get pregnant the first time, but Bucky’s already said he’d help you for as long as it takes. It’s just… very real now. You don’t feel any doubts, though. You want this.

Inhaling a large breath and slowly letting it out, hands shaking, you take the lid off the cup and pick up the syringe. You remember the instructions, making sure there’s as little air sucked in as possible when you draw out the semen, and getting rid of the few air bubbles that you see. You grab your pillows and lie down, propping them beneath you to lift your hips.

“Here I go,” you mumble to yourself, taking another deep breath and releasing it.

A couple minutes later, the syringe is empty and you’ve got your legs pulled up to your chest. You cover yourself with your blanket and call out Bucky’s name.

“You okay?” you hear through the door.

“Will you come here, please?” you ask.

He walks in cautiously, making sure you’re decently covered before entering fully, wisely not commenting on your position. “Well?”

“I did it,” you whisper.

He stays quiet, letting you parse through your thoughts. You blink when you feel tears threatening to gather in your eyes. He’s beside you in an instant, crawling in the bed and lying down, taking your hand in his.

“Congratulations,” he says softly.

“Don’t congratulate me yet,” you reply, sniffing and wiping at your eyes.

“Still,” he presses. “You’re one step closer now.”

He pulls your hand up and kisses the back of it. You give him a watery smile. The two of you lay there in silence for a moment before Bucky breaks it.

“This isn’t how I pictured myself making a baby.”

It startles a laugh out of you and Bucky grins, pleased to have helped ease the tense atmosphere. He distracts you with idle conversation after that, talking about his plans for the upcoming weekend, asking about yours, tells you about the newest stupid thing Sam did; he talks and talks and talks, until your anxiety is gone, and then he stays to cook dinner for you.

Your hug when he gets ready to head back to his apartment lasts a couple minutes longer than usual. Bucky quietly allows it, dropping a kiss on your forehead when you pull away.

“Same time next week?” he jokes, making you crack a smile.

“Goodbye, Bucky,” you reply exasperatedly as you close your door.

“Bye, sweetheart,” he returns over his shoulder.

***

Weeks pass. More injections. Pregnancy tests taken.

But nothing happens.

All of your tests come back negative.

When reading up on artificial insemination, and pregnancy in general, you’d understood that there was a chance it wouldn’t happen right away. You thought you were fine with that, that you’d be alright with the waiting and all. Looking at your growing collection of negative tests, however, has a sense of dread building within you. You do your best to quell it, telling yourself there’s no need to stress over it. Yet.

Besides, your mind supplies in an overly cheerful manner, there’s still one more method to try!

***

The next time Bucky brings over his sample, he lets himself in, like always, and passes along the cup with an encouraging smile. You try to smile back, but it feels more like a grimace. He either doesn’t notice or he at least pretends not to, thankfully.

But when he goes to make himself comfortable to wait, you’re reminded that you haven’t told him about the, uh… change in procedure, so to speak.

You clear your throat delicately. “I don’t think you’ll need to stick around this time.”

Bucky frowns. “Why not?”

“Because…” You trail off, cheeks pinking, yet not finishing the sentence, because how do you explain this?

“I promised you I’d be here every step of the way,” he recalls. “I intend to keep that promise.”

You wince. “I really appreciate where your heart is, Bucky, I really do, but I literally cannot let you be here for this injection.”

“Why not?”

You look heavenward for mercy. “I have to…”

When you don’t finish your sentence again, Bucky raises a single brow, gesturing for you to go on. “You have to… what?”

You huff, throwing your arms out. “I have to orgasm, okay?”

His eyes go a little bit wide, but you can tell he tries to control his reaction. He swallows, shifting where he sits on the couch.

“Oh,” he mumbles. “Have… have you had to do that before?”

“No. Well, I mean, it was suggested, but I never…”

His eyebrows furrow. “Does it help or something?”

You absently scratch your neck. “They say it increases the chances of conception.”

“But you haven’t been doing… that.”

“I didn’t think I’d need to.”

Bucky inhales like he’s going to say something, but then doesn’t.

“Yeah, so, I don’t think you should be here,” you utter, quickly adding, “No offense.”

“No, yeah, that’s fair, um. I’ll just—I’ll head back to my apartment,” he states as he stands. “You can—I mean, if you still want me to—I can come back over? After you… uh…”

“I’ll let you know,” you reply, voice tight and high.

He nods, looking lost and like he wants to say more but thinks better of it. Finally, he mutters a soft bye and is out the door.

Alone now, your stomach feels like it’s tying itself in knots and your heart is doing its damnedest to beat out of your chest. You try to tell yourself that it’s just another injection, that this is the same as any other time you've done this, but you know it’s not. It's really, really not.

Laying down on your bed, syringe in hand, is much more nerve wracking than before. On your left lies a new addition to your routine. You don’t know why you’re acting like such a prude all the sudden. It’s not like you’ve never masturbated before. Though, you suppose the major difference is that you didn’t have Bucky’s sperm hangin’ out in your vagina all those other times while you did it.

“Quit being such a goober about this,” you tell yourself.

This has to be done for a reason. If you want to have a baby—and you do, very badly—then you’re gonna have to deal with the process.

Once you’ve injected the sperm, you reach for your bullet vibrator next to your left hand. The instructions say not to insert anything, only to stimulate your clit. You try to clear your head, think of it as a chore or something, yet it’s hard not to think of a certain someone.

The vibrator buzzes with the press of a button. You adjust your hips, making sure they’re tilted, then bring the vibrator to your clit. The first touch makes your stomach tense and thighs spasm.

You close your eyes, running the toy along your slit. You really don’t want to drag this out, would prefer to get it over with as quickly as possible, but your mind begins running away with images.

Bucky, settled between your spread thighs, one hand resting on one of them, the other controlling the vibrator. You imagine he’d tease you, slowly trail it along the crease of your thighs, over your hips; everywhere but where you wanted it.

Bucky would probably give in once you whine and beg enough, once your desperation bled into your voice, and hold the vibrator directly to your clit, drink in your cries of pleasure like they’re the finest whisky.

He’d mutter soft but firm encouragement, tell you how good you’re doing, how good you sound. He’d start circling the vibrator, going from quick to lazy swirls, then he’d change the setting to a higher one just to hear you whimper. His free hand would run up your torso to pinch at your nipples for added stimulation.

When you imagine him leaning down to add his tongue into the mix, your mind blanks as your climax hits you, a ragged moan forcing its way out of your throat. You’re quick to turn the vibrator off and toss it to the floor, deciding you’ll worry about cleaning it later, chest heaving as you pant for breath after an intense orgasm.

Shame and embarrassment consume you, mock you for using Bucky to rub one out. You’d given in to the fantasy so easily.

Truthfully, it’s not the first time you’ve thought of him while pleasuring yourself, but the context this time is completely different, and you feel immediately guilty. Admittedly, it’s probably irrational.

That doesn’t stop you from cringing at your actions.

***

You’re sure you’ve bought out the entire pregnancy test section from the convenience store down the block. Currently, there are six different brands in front of you, all promising the most accurate results.

Bucky is sitting in your bedroom, quietly waiting for you to pee on all of them so you can both find out what they say. You chug the last bit of your third bottle of water even though your bladder is fit to burst at any moment. Turning the faucet on for modesty, you make quick work of the tests, then wash your hands.

And wait.

You call Bucky into the bathroom with you. The two of you quietly sit on the edge of your bathtub, counting down the minutes. Part of you wishes Bucky would say something dumb to break the tension, like he usually does, but you're also kind of glad he's just here, next to you, a silent comfort.

It seems like hours have passed when you’re finally sure you can check them.

The first one is negative, and so is the second. The third, however, reads positive. Your heart begins racing, clutching at the counter, but before your hopes get too carried away you read the rest. To your dismay, they are all negative. You stare down at them all, eyes falling on the loan positive test multiple times, knowing that it’s likely a false positive, yet stupidly hoping otherwise.

Your chin wobbles. Bucky hugs you from behind, resting his cheek on your shoulder.

“What do I do, Bucky?”

At your broken whisper, he sighs. “I don’t know, sweetheart.”

Neither of you know what to say or do after that. Bucky continues offering quiet support, his solid presence at your back, and you’re grateful. Eventually, he leads you out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, sitting you down at the table as he starts preparing dinner.

When you’re both eating the spaghetti he made, he breaks the silence.

“Do you think…” he starts, pausing to think of how to phrase his question before carefully carrying on. “Are you going to stop?”

“I don’t want to,” you answer, the implied but hanging heavy in the air.

Bucky sits his fork down. “I know you want this, very much.” He pushes his hair out of his face as he leans forward, elbows settling on the table. “But I hate seeing how sad you get when the tests come out negative. I feel so… powerless. Like I could be doing more or something.”

“You’re doing all you can, Bucky,” you assure.

“That’s the thing, though. I don’t think I am.”

You frown. “What do you mean?”

He licks his lips, locking his fingers together. “I think we should have sex.”

Your fork drops to your plate with a clang, eyes going wide.

“I apologize for how blunt that came out,” he states with a wince. “But, I mean, think about it. You’ve only been using my sperm from a syringe, and up until the last time, you hadn’t been, um, orgasming with it.” You look away, bashful. “I just wonder if maybe trying the old-fashioned way would give you better results.”

“Bucky,” you start, opening and closing your mouth a couple times before shaking your head. “It’s one thing for you to offer your sperm, which I’m thankful for, truly, but… Having sex?”

“I’ve already told you I’m willing to do whatever I need to do,” he retorts earnestly. “Your happiness means a lot to me, okay? I hate sitting around and watching your heart break every week. You’ve tried it your way, now I think we should try mine.”

“I-I don’t know,” you hesitate, chewing on the inside of your cheek, knee beginning to bounce under the table.

His hand slides onto your knee, stilling the movement as he ducks his head to meet your gaze. His eyes are impossibly sincere and your resolve crumbles in an instant.

“It won’t… It’s not going to change anything,” he assures. “I won’t allow it.”

You swallow roughly. He may not, but your heart is going to take its toughest beating yet. It’s going to be hopeless trying to overcome the inevitable emotions that come with sex.

Even so, somehow, your longing for a baby eclipses all of this. Now that you’ve imagined holding your child in your arms, raising them and loving them, you can’t go back. Not anymore.

“Okay,” you allow, softly.

Bucky’s shoulders relax, lips tipping up into a devastating smile.

You’re so fucked. (Pun intended.)

***

Two nights later, you’re pacing in your bedroom, impatiently waiting for Bucky to arrive. You’d been unsure whether or not you should dress up. You didn’t see the point, honestly. Still, a small part of you wondered what his reaction would be if he saw you all done up in lingerie. At the moment, you’re in an oversized t-shirt and pajama shorts.

It’s Bucky, you think, and this isn’t a normal situation, it doesn’t matter what I’m wearing.

You hear his key turning in the lock then and your heart begins hammering away. He calls your name as he enters.

“In here,” you reply, twisting your fingers nervously.

He walks into your room looking just as on edge as you are. He also seems to have had the same idea about his attire, comfortable in his white tee and sweatpants. His feet are bare and for whatever reason that feels way more intimate than it has any right to.

“Hey,” he greets.

“Hi.”

You bite your lip, eyes flitting around your room and coming back to settle on Bucky. He huffs.

“This is ridiculous,” he declares, “It’s just us.”

“Right,” you nod, biting the inside of your cheek.

“It’s not gonna be weird.”

“Nope.”

His jaw ticks. You stare back at him. It only takes a moment for you to realize that somebody has to make the first move, so you steel yourself and turn on your heel, walking towards your bed.

“I’m keeping my shirt on,” you announce as you unceremoniously drop onto the mattress, grabbing your pillows to stuff them under you.

Bucky follows at a sedate pace, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. He pauses next to you, taking a second to roll his shoulders, then he climbs in and settles in front of your bent legs. He gingerly places his hands on your knees.

“May I?” he asks.

Mouth suddenly dry, you nod. He moves his hands to the waistband of your shorts and tugs. You lift your hips to help him slide them down and off, along with your underwear. Gently, he spreads your legs.

Your breathing has picked up considerably, eyes firmly trained on the ceiling. You know you’re already wet and are blessedly thankful he doesn’t mention it.

The first slide of his fingers has you inhaling sharply. He slowly gathers your slick and trails it up to your clit, lightly circling it. Your mind recalls your fantasy, but you quickly shove it back to the depths of your thoughts, lest you do something idiotic like tell him about it.

He spreads your legs more, adjusting his position between them. His fingers move down until he can sink one into you. You gasp, hands shooting out to grasp your sheets. He wastes no time and begins thrusting his finger inside you.

It becomes quickly apparent to you that it’s going to be very difficult to hold back any noise or reactions. Goddamnit, you will try, though!

When he decides it’s time to add another finger, you feel yourself clench around them, and his soft fuck does not go unnoticed, evident in the way your pussy traitorously clenches again.

“Can I…?” he asks, voice cracking, but doesn’t finish his thought, making you have to break your staring contest with the ceiling and look at him.

He’s not even looking back at you, he’s staring at his fingers, watching them pump in and out of you, half bent over with a slack jaw, like he wants to…

He meets your eyes then, licking his lips.

Oh.

Swallowing around the sudden lump in your throat, knowing you’re probably going to regret it, you nod.

He’s leaning over and sucking on your clit before you can even blink. You cry out, thighs trying to clamp around his head, but his free hand shoots out to hold you open. It makes you squirm, fisting the sheets even tighter. His fingers curl inside you as his tongue licks around them and you whine, high and needy, and then mouth is back on your clit, tongue swiping over it, sucking on it with loud, obscene noises.

His hand comes up to grab the hem of your shirt, shoves it upward until it’s bunched underneath your breasts. Those fingers ghost back down your torso, goosebumps erupting in their wake.

He speeds up his thrusts and your hand flies down to grip his hair. You don’t think you’re meant to hear the quiet grunt he lets out, but you do, and it has you panting even harder. Your orgasm is building, fast, and you pull on his hair in warning.

“Bucky,” you say on a gasp.

Using his arm to hold you down, his free hand joins, thumb swiping over your clit now as he dips his head to slide his tongue in alongside his fingers. It draws a yell out of you, the ever expanding pleasure within you bursting into the hardest orgasm you’ve experienced thus far in your adult life. You know you’re moaning, bucking into the sensations coursing through you, and you’d feel abashed if you didn’t feel so fucking good.

Before you can become too sensitive, Bucky withdraws his fingers and sits up. You can’t even really catch your breath, though, because in the next second he’s whipping his t-shirt off and shoving his sweatpants down far enough to free his cock.

Your thighs do clamp closed then, at the sight of how thick he is, and he tries and fails to keep his smirk hidden.

“Oh, shut up,” you wheeze.

“Didn’t say anything,” he counters.

He doesn’t let you argue, choosing that moment to shuffle closer and line up with your opening. Cautiously, he eases himself inside, inch by inch. Your mouth drops open, brows furrowing as he fills you, stretching you so perfectly. When he’s in as far as he can go, the breath wooshes out of him, his head falling back. You know he’s trying to be polite and let you adjust, but—

“Oh my god, move,” you demand, impatient.

He huffs a laugh, dropping his heavy lidded gaze to yours. “Bossy.”

“Did you really expect anything else—oh!”

The grin he aims your way after grinding into you is downright sinful. You mentally tell yourself to kick him for that later.

He grabs your hips and the pillows and settles you closer to his lap, changing the angle, then pulls out and glides back in, creating a painstakingly slow rhythm.

You have to close your eyes. You can’t look at him anymore. You knew he was probably a god in bed, but to now have firsthand experience? There was no way you’d be able to fuck anyone else without comparing them.

His grip on your hips tightens, the only warning you get before his thrusts turn sharp.

“Fuck,” you cry out, your hands reaching up to grip the pillow beneath your head.

The sound of your skin meeting his is harsh in the otherwise quiet room. Well, okay, you’re not exactly being quiet, but you can’t be blamed for that.

Bucky, however, is nearly silent. The only thing you hear from him is heavy breathing. You wonder if he’s holding back, the thought crossing your mind for a split second, and then you’re clenching around his cock, trying to see if you can gain a reaction. And boy, do you get one.

He grunts and sucks in a breath, lips parting as his eyes squeeze shut. His hips pick up their pace and hair falls into his face. You find yourself wishing he was closer so you could brush it out of the way.

Stop it, you scold yourself.

He pauses to grind into you again, your walls fluttering around his throbbing cock, and you both sigh. Bucky leans forward, hooking your legs into the crooks of his elbows, and resumes his brutal pace.

“O-Oh,” you whimper.

The new angle is heavenly, his cock dragging along a spot inside you that you thought nobody else could find. Unable to help yourself, you clutch at his arms, nails digging in.

“Shit,” he groans, thrusts faltering.

He lets go of one of your legs to slip his hand between you, rubbing at your clit and sending you that much closer to your second orgasm. He can tell you’re close, but you’re gonna need something to push you over the edge. He leans down even closer, breath fanning out against your cheek.

“C’mon,” he pants. “Let go.”

You shiver when his tongue flicks your earlobe and sucks it into his mouth, keening as the pressure builds. He thrusts harder, faster, and when you grasp his hair and pull, he growls and latches on to your shoulder, biting down. You gasp from the added pain and then you’re coming, shuddering and whining through your release. Bucky isn’t far behind, raising up and fucking into you savagely before pausing abruptly, groaning as he finally comes. He lazily thrusts a few more times to draw it out, then stops, stilling with his cock inside you.

Your hair is sticking to your forehead, as well as your shirt to your clammy back, breathing in lungfuls of air. Bucky is softly caressing your thighs, letting out shaky breaths as your pussy continues to flutter around him.

It takes several moments for you to gather your wits, for the rest of the world to come filtering back in. You are truly and completely fucked now, in every sense of the word.

“Well…” You trail off, voice scratchy.

“That was…”

“Mhm,” you mumble.

Bucky sighs heavily. “Let’s hope it worked this time.”

You hum. “Thank you for your service,” you reply with a lazy salute.

You yelp when he pinches your hip, kicking at him in retaliation. The jostling reminds you, with a gasping groan, that he’s still buried balls deep inside you.

“Um.” You cough lightly. “You wanna, you know… pull out?”

He looks down where you’re connected like it hadn’t even dawned on him. “Oh, uh. Well, I thought maybe it could, like. Help.”

His gaze stays locked, fingers flexing on your hips, and you feel like squirming again.

“I think it’s good,” you say quietly.

Bucky finally glances back up at your shy tone, cheeks pinking. He clears his throat.

“Right.”

Carefully, he eases his softening cock out of you, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from making a noise.

You can’t hold back yours, though, gasping once he’s gone. You feel unbearably empty, but refrain from voicing that incessant thought.

Bucky’s intense eyes stare at your pussy until you reach for the throw blanket next to you. He watches you throw it over your lap, drawing your legs up to your chest, and takes that as his cue, jolting into action.

“Okay, so.” He starts, then stops, climbs off your bed and pulls his sweatpants back up. “This was—I mean, if it doesn’t take this time, we can… try again.”

“Yeah,” you mutter. “Sounds good.”

He nods, bending to pick up his discarded t-shirt. “Great. I’ll just, um, see myself out, I guess.”

You nod, sending a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes in his direction. He seems to contemplate something for a second, then leans down to kiss your forehead before saying a quick goodbye and leaving.

As soon as you hear your apartment door shut, you let your tears fall.

***

It’s not really like you mean to avoid him after that.

Honest.

You simply become busy, that’s all. You definitely don’t go out of your way by taking the stairs in your apartment building to avoid possibly bumping into him in the elevator. No, you take the stairs because you could use the cardio. It’s important you stay healthy right now. And when he texts you to ask if you want to have dinner, you can’t help that you’ve got boatloads of work to catch up on—all five times he asks.

Okay, so, that’s a lie. You’re totally avoiding him. But what on earth are you supposed to say to him now? You don’t think you’d even be able to look him in the eye anymore, not after the fuck of your goddamn life.

That night confirmed what you already knew for the last two years: Bucky absolutely ruined you for anyone else.

More than anything, though, you were angry with yourself. He’d only offered because you weren’t getting your desired results the other way. You should have been able to separate your feelings and emotions from all of it. After all, none of this was about whatever you feel towards Bucky. This was about trying to conceive a baby.

You try telling yourself to get over it. He’s your best friend, you can’t just cut him off because you’re a spineless pansy.

I just need some time, you reason. You can give yourself a few days to wallow over what could have been and then you can reach out to him and pretend like everything is fine. Because it is.

***

Flash forward two weeks to you attempting to sneak into your apartment, only to jump out of your skin when you turn around and find Bucky sitting on your couch, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Oh, good, you’re still alive,” he drawls.

His tone suggests annoyance. You suppose you deserve that.

“Hey,” you say after a pause.

He stares at you for a moment longer before speaking again. “I thought we agreed we wouldn’t let it get weird.”

You agreed, you almost say, thankfully biting it back. You drop your purse on the entryway table, sliding your shoes off and making your way over to sit next to him.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble. You tug your sweater sleeves down and tuck your feet beneath you. “I haven’t ever… I’ve never been intimate with a friend before. It was just… a lot.”

It’s a half truth, at least. You haven’t had sex with a friend before. Or, well, not one you had feelings for.

“You could’ve just told me,” he replies, reaching for your hand.

You nod. “I know, and I should have, I just. Things are all out of whack lately with the whole… trying to get pregnant thing.”

“If I overstepped in any way—” Bucky starts, but you’re quick to interrupt.

“You didn’t,” you promise. “You’ve been nothing but fantastic throughout this whole ordeal. Honestly, Bucky, you’ve done way more than anyone else would have in this situation. I just had a lot going on in my head and let it get the best of me. I’m fine, I swear.”

He searches your eyes and must find what he’s looking for.

“Don’t shut me out again,” he pleads.

Heart cracking in your chest, you can only nod, shuffling closer to pull him into a hug. He buries his face in your neck and holds on tight.

***

Another week passes.

Bucky is with you as you wait for the results of the latest pregnancy test. He’s reassured you that you’ll keep trying until it happens if it didn’t work this time.

When the timer on your phone goes off, you release the breath you’ve been holding. You take tentative steps over to the sink and gingerly pick up the test.

Positive.

Your stomach swoops. It’s positive. You check again, reading the digitized screen, but it stays the same. Positive. Holy shit.

“Okay, wait, no, I need to do more. I can’t get my hopes up again,” you mutter, rushing to open the cabinet under your sink to dig out several more varieties of tests.

You don’t even wait for Bucky to leave before you’re peeing on the other sticks. He’s seen it all at this point anyway, and he doesn’t seem to care, sitting on the edge of your tub with an anxious expression. The downside is that you have to wait another few minutes for these tests to finish and you can’t sit still, pacing back and forth in the small space of your bathroom.

The timer goes off again. You feel like you’re going to throw up when you finally work up the courage to look down.

Every single one of them… Positive.

A shocked, happy laugh escapes you. You cover your mouth, turning to Bucky with wide eyes.

He rises to his full height, coming closer and peering down at the tests, then back to your teary eyed expression.

“Did we…?”

Words failing you, you nod, giggling in astonishment. Bucky’s face breaks into the biggest, handsomest, most gut-wrenching smile. His happiness is palpable and you’re suddenly so overcome with emotion. Your hands are gripping his face and angling it to align your lips to his before you register what you’re doing. He freezes and you hurriedly pull away, taking a few steps back.

“I’m so sorry, I-I don’t know why—”

“Shut up,” he cuts you off, closing the gap between you in a single stride.

He kisses you like his life depends on it, pressing your bodies as close as possible, his hands cupping your cheeks. You clutch his shirt desperately, never wanting to let go. He steals the breath straight from your lungs when he swipes at the seam of your lips with his tongue, moaning happily when you allow him access. A feeble whine from you after he flicks his tongue against yours makes him break the kiss.

“I have a confession,” he breathes into the miniscule space between your mouths.

“What?” you question distractedly.

“I’m in love with you.”

Your gaze shoots up to his, astounded. He brushes stray hairs off your forehead, runs his thumbs softly under your eyes.

“I’ve been selfish this whole time,” he reveals. “I couldn’t let you choose some random stranger to be your sperm donor, to father your child, couldn’t bear the thought of you carrying their baby, because I’ve been in love with you since the moment I met you. I wanted to be the one. And I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, but I’m not sorry I did it.”

You’re hearing the words, yet your brain can’t seem to make sense of them. Surely you’re hearing him wrong. You can’t possibly have this too, right? You can't have Bucky and have his baby…

But he’s here, very real and solid beneath your hands, looking at you like you’re his entire world.

“Bucky…” You trail off, struggling to find the right words, at a complete loss. “I-I’ve loved you for so long now, I didn’t think you…” You shake your head, a giggle escaping you as you stare at him in wonder. “I couldn’t let myself hope.”

He grins, relieved, planting a few chaste kisses to your mouth. “I know this entire circumstance is totally backwards, but I want you, and I want this baby. I meant it when I said I’m not going anywhere.”

Fresh tears gather in the corners of your eyes. “Are you sure?” you still ask.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

You have to kiss him then, uncaring of the tears that trickle down your face. The only thing you are focused on is the way his hands trail down your back, pausing to squeeze your ass, then grip underneath to lift you. Your legs wrap around his waist, arms locked around his neck, as he heads for your bed. He makes a point of throwing your extra pillows on the floor before settling between your thighs and kissing the hell out of you.

He pulls away only to undress you and himself, but he’s always back as quickly as possible, lips pressing kisses wherever he can reach. You impatiently tug at him until his lips are attached to yours again. The way he fucks his tongue into your mouth is nothing short of indecent and it sends a rush of pure want all the way to your core.

When you bury your fingers in his hair, gripping it tight, he grunts, biting your lip. You whimper and he grins as he pulls away.

“You make the most beautiful sounds,” he praises, his hands beginning to sweep down and up, tickling under your breasts.

His thumb and forefinger pinch one of your nipples and you gasp, back arching off your mattress. He repeats it on the other side, just to hear the same noise.

“Bucky, please,” you beg.

“Please what?” he prods. His hands drift further to the creases of your thighs, spreading them open. “What do you need?”

You whine, canting your hips up. “You, I need you, please.”

“You have me, sweetheart.” He tilts his head and you make a noise of frustration. “Use your words, darlin’.”

“Fuck me, please,” you burst out, feeling your pussy clench around nothing.

Bucky smiles, slow and torturous. “Yeah? Want me to fuck you? Fuck this perfect pussy until you’re so full of my come that it drips down your beautiful thighs?”

“Oh god,” you mumble.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he teases.

His fingers slide down your slit, gathering your slick then thrusts two fingers in at once. You groan brokenly, shifting your hips to try and get more friction, but he holds them down with his metal arm. Agonizingly slow, he begins fucking you with his fingers. It’s good, it’s amazing, but it’s not enough. Not when you know what his cock feels like. He takes his precious time fingering you and you’re sure you’re going to lose your mind before the day is done.

“You have no idea how incredible you felt around my cock,” he tells you in a ridiculously conversational tone. “I was trying to think of any excuse I could come up with to have you at least one more time.”

He shifts until his mouth is directly above where you’re dripping for him, and he waits until you make eye contact with him.

“But now I’m gonna spend the rest of my life making you come apart on my cock any chance I get.”

You hardly have any functioning brain cells at the moment, but even if you could form a coherent sentence you wouldn’t have been able to say it aloud, because then he’s descending and all you can feel is the wet warmth of his mouth.

He definitely doesn’t hold back this time, that much is apparent in the way he devours you, lips and tongue drawing out noises you’ve never heard yourself make, pressing his face so far into your pussy that he has to come up for air. His mouth and chin shine when you chance a look down, and when you clench on his fingers his smile goes smug at the corners.

He plants kisses along your hips, the insides of your thighs, around where his fingers are buried within you. He curls them, in search of the spot he found last time. He knows he found it when you try to close your thighs around his head and cry out. Now that he's found it, he angles to brush it on every thrust of his fingers and attaches his mouth back on your clit.

You chant his name, nearly sobbing as you approach your climax, until finally you fly over the edge. Your vision blurs and you’re not sure if you’re making any noise now, unable to hear past the blood rushing in your ears. Bucky helps you ride it out until you’re shuddering from sensitivity.

He kisses your thighs again, trailing them up your stomach and between the valley of your breasts.

“So good, did so well,” he mutters.

Weakly, you lift your hands to trace them down his toned stomach and around his back, down further so you can cop a feel of your own, smiling at his grunt of surprise.

“That was great and all,” you say, arching your back so your chest presses against his, “but I do believe I asked you to fuck me.”

He arches an eyebrow. “Who said I was done with you?” It’s apparently a rhetorical question, as he continues before you get a chance to reply. “I’m gonna fuck you until you come, and then I’m gonna keep fucking you until you come again, and only then will I come so deep inside you there’ll be zero doubt I’ve put a baby there.”

Your legs are lifted and thrown over his shoulders in a blink, his cock pushing into your pussy, dragging out a high-pitched moan from you. There’s barely a pause and then he’s fucking you, just like you asked. The pace is brutal right from the start, a steady rhythm that has you mewling and writhing in pleasure. Bucky is watching his cock as he thrusts in and out of you, his mouth hanging open slightly as he pants. He hikes your hips up a little higher and you jolt through your startled moan. This angle is divine and the telltale signs of your second orgasm start tingling at the base of your spine.

“Can feel you,” Bucky says through panting breaths, “so close. C’mon, let me feel you.”

He pulls you down on his cock, grinding into you, his thumb reaching to rub tight circles over your clit. You sob through your release, shuddering against Bucky as you clench around him. He groans, still barely moving as you come down from your high.

“Fuck,” he grunts. “Come here.”

He helps you sit up, still seated on his cock, making you both hiss from your movement. Your arms automatically wrap around his shoulders and his around your waist. He kisses you so sweetly, a stark contradiction to the way he just fucked you. When you pull away, resting your foreheads together, he grins.

“Hi.”

You crack a smile. “Hi.”

“Ready for more?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“You think you got it in you?” you tease as you play with the hair at the nape of his neck.

The light smack to your ass startles you and you let out a soft sound of surprise, hands tugging his hair harshly. Bucky’s eyes light up.

“Interesting,” he muses.

Another slap, a little harder than the first, and you’re whimpering, your walls clenching around his still hard cock.

“I’ll play with that later,” he promises, voice breathy.

You bury your face in his neck and start shifting your hips. He takes the hint, gathering you as close as he can and thrusts up into you. He can’t pull out as far this way, but the snap of his hips more than makes up for it. You mouth at his collarbone messily, kissing and licking your way up to his jaw, biting marks wherever you see fit. You make it up to his mouth and he kisses you, wet and filthy. You suck on his tongue and a ragged moan claws its way out of his throat. The need for air eventually has you pulling away.

“It’s a good thing you love me back,” you whisper in his ear. “Nobody else could ever compare to you.”

He growls, fisting your hair and yanking your head back to look him in the eye.

“Nobody will ever compare,” he corrects.

You moan. “Yes,” you agree, whining, “No one else could’ve given me a baby.”

Bucky thrusts harder and faster at your words. You’re picking up on a few hints and you can’t say it’s not doing it for you either.

“Filled me up so good, fucked me so well. Gonna be round with your baby soon.”

“Fuck, fuck,” he keens, hurrying to lay you flat on your back so he can fuck into you easier.

The sound of skin meeting skin fills the room, your cries of pleasure mixing in with Bucky’s grunts and curses. His grip on you tightens almost painfully as he chases both your and his orgasm. You’re sure to have bruises tomorrow and you already know you'll be poking at them to remember this moment.

“C’mon, baby, wanna feel you too,” you beg.

His thumb finds your swollen clit once more. It’s beyond sensitive now, feels like a shockwave coursing through you, and without any warning, you come. You spasm around Bucky and he swears under his breath, thrusts going sloppy. With a final groan, he comes inside you, his hips moving seemingly on their own as he draws out both your pleasures. Slowly, he comes to a stop, but he leaves his cock buried in you like he did last time.

You know you’re gonna feel too empty when he does pull out, so you don’t mind sitting like this for a while. Bucky softly runs his hands across every inch of your skin he can touch and you bask in the affection. You card your fingers through his sweaty hair, smiling when he hums happily. It takes only a minute for you to notice the way his hands migrate to your stomach, and when you do you kiss his shoulder.

“Maybe we should go again later,” you suggest faintly.

Bucky grins. “We can do it a hundred more times if you want.”

“Guess I better enjoy it while I can.”

His smile goes soft at the edges.

It’s not lost on you how incredibly crazy all of this is. There will undoubtedly be a conversation, a much needed one that isn’t going to be simple or easy, but it’s necessary.

For now, though, you bask in Bucky’s warmth and loving embrace.

***

Keys jingle as they unlock the door and you perk up where you’re sprawled on the couch. Bucky enters, arms laden with bags from the convenience store.

“They didn’t have the banana ice cream you asked for,” he announces, continuing before your pout fully forms, “but they did have the double chocolate brownie kind you love so much, so I got that, as well as the sour gummy worms, beef jerky, and fried pickles from the deli on your list of demands.”

“What about—”

“And your strawberry Fanta,” he adds with a fond, slightly exasperated smile.

You’re unable to stop your expression from going soft and dreamy.

Ever since you and Bucky figured out where to go with your relationship, he’s been even more attentive and accommodating (and that’s saying something).

You expressed your worry about the possibility of something going wrong, that one or both of you would get bored and leave, or there’d be a big fight that neither of you could forgive. He was quick to reassure you of his commitment, told you there was no way he would ever get bored of you, and that as long as you both promise to talk things out in a calm, mature way, then you’d be alright.

It all sounded so easy when it was put like that. The more you thought about it, though, the more you realized he was right. It wasn’t fair to either of you to already give up before you’d even started. So you’d taken a deep breath and leaped.

Now, you’re five and a half months in, your belly steadily growing and making everyday life increasingly uncomfortable. The changes to your body were physically and emotionally draining, to say the least. Moreso the emotional side. You’d hoped you wouldn’t be one of those pregnant women with strange cravings, and for the most part they were pretty tame, but you do like to dip your sour gummy worms in banana ice cream. Bucky didn’t attempt to hide his disgust over that.

“What did I do to deserve you?” you ask on a pleased sigh.

He places your small cornucopia of goods on the coffee table. You sit up, huffing for breath during the struggle. You go to reach for the ice cream first, but Bucky catches your hand, lacing his fingers with yours and kissing your knuckles as he kneels in front of you.

“You were yourself. Smart, kind, selfless, unbelievably sexy.” You snort at that, but he’s undeterred. “And you’re giving me the best gift I could ever dream of. A family.”

Instantly, you’re crying. He’s grown accustomed to the mood swings by now, taking it in stride as he wipes away the tears with gentle hands.

“Stop being so disgusting,” you blubber through your hiccuping cries. “You’re such an asshole.”

Bucky laughs. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

You sniffle, kissing him. “Love you,” you grumble.

He leans down and plants the softest of kisses to your belly. “And I love you, little lady.”

The idea of you having a child one day always seemed foreign and unlikely, but life has a way of turning out exactly how it’s supposed to… And you wouldn’t change a thing.

[hannieehaee]

what they'd be like if they had a crush on you

wc: 1075

a/n: no one requested thishsjss but i thought it was a cute concept so T-T

masterlist

seungcheol -

he'd constantly try to impress you by acting manly and dependable around you. he'd wanna show you what you were getting if you ever looked his way. if you ever needed anything he'd drop whatever he was doing to help you. he'd also be super possessive over you, fighting any of the guys if they ever tried to get closer to you than him. would want your attention on him at all times, not realizing he was making his intentions very obvious.

jeonghan -

he'd be confident about it. he'd probably treat you like any other friend but with a hint of something more. he'd always give you extra attention and make sure you were at least somewhat aware of his intentions. eventually he'd be more direct about it, maybe even teasing you about his own crush on you. would not actually confess to you but make it super clear he liked you, inciting you to do something about it.

joshua -

i think he'd literally just tell you. he's a confident guy, so he'd be able to measure as to whether or not you like him after a few times hanging out. he'd be flirty with you but remain a true gentleman at all times. he'd open doors for you, maybe give you little gifts every so often, get you food, etc. he'd do tiny little things to show how much he liked and thought about you, probably easily getting you to fall for him.

jun -

cutie would get so bashful around you. he'd giggle at anything you said, always avoiding your eyes as he did it. he'd try to impress you whenever you were around, but he'd be really subtle about it. he'd also try to stick close to you during group hangouts so that he could get some one-on-one time with you. would probably do his best to get close to you before very shyly telling you about his feelings.

soonyoung -

he'd think he was being subtle but he'd be so fucking obvious about it. whenever you were around, he'd do things to try and impress you like carry something heavy to show off his muscles or show off his dancing skills or some shit like that. he'd also literally just follow you around. he'd wanna be in your presence as much as possible so he could finally win you over.

wonwoo -

he'd be the sweetest guy to ever have a crush on you. he'd communicate his crush through his actions. would seek you out so you could hang out one-on-one very often. would listen to your problems and always be in the know about anything going on in your life. you'd probably end up developing a super strong emotional attachment to each other before he even confessed. would probably have you in the limbo between friends for lovers for a while (give him to me pls).

jihoon -

he'd be so shy about it lmao. he'd be so reserved and overly polite around you, avoiding eye contact and even avoiding you in general. you'd probably think he disliked you from how little he'd interact with you. 100% the type to somehow make you feel rejected by him and have to go apologize to you over the misunderstanding. also 100% the type to accidentally confess his crush while apologizing.

seokmin -

he'd be his super friendly self with you and even seek you out as much as he could. he'd be obvious about it but without actually being direct. he'd basically treat you like his s/o already without even confessing lmao. he'd give you his jacket when it was cold, buy you a warm drink every morning, walk you home, hold your hand, etc. he'd do all this without ever even confessing his crush, thinking he's treating you like any other friend. you'd have to snap him out of it and ask him to make things official yourself.

mingyu -

he'd either just straight up flirt with you or be a shy blushing mess around you. it'd depend on the nature of your relationship. for the most part, i think he'd be rlly bashful around you at first, until he realized maybeee the feelings might be mutual. in that case he'd be such a little shit and do stuff like flex around you or show off his height or literally just say suggestive shit to your face in order to get you to react.

minghao -

would probably try and court you. he seems like a traditional person when it comes to relationships, so he would probably make his intentions clear right off the bat, but not actually ask you out until you grew closer. another member who would have you in the limbo between friends and lovers until formally asking you to be his. would never feel nervous or anxious about his crush on you. he'd relish on it, actually.

seungkwan -

despite being super outgoing and making it seem like embarrassment is scared of him, he'd be a bit shy and bashful about his crush. he'd probably become your bestie in the process of trying to get closer to you. he'd accidentally put himself in the friendzone because of f how friendly he is. lucky for him he's cute and the odds that you liked him back were very high. would have to be talked by jeonghan or vernon into confessing.

vernon -

he seems like he'd be chill about it on the outside but a mess on the inside. no one would even know he liked you unless he straight up told them. he'd be that subtle. but any time you two interacted or you dared make some type of physical contact with him his heartbeat would go crazy. he'd have to give himself pep talks every night to learn to control his breathing when he was around you.

chan -

everyone would know and everyone would make fun of him because of it. he'd probably make the mistake of telling one member about it and the next day they'd all know. even you'd know. but not because of him being obvious but more like because the members would tease him while you were around. he'd just give it up and play into it at that point. i mean, you already knew so he might as well just be direct about it at this point, right? he'd try to get to you with his humor (and im ngl it'd work) and maybe even flirt with you too.

[facefullofsadness]

HII SORRY IDK IF REQS R ON OR OFF BUT CAN I REQ GUITARIST DOM NEIGHBOUR YUNJIN X NERD SUB Y/N (FEM)

first of all, yes reqs are open dw. second, ANON IM OBSESSED WITH THIS CONCEPT GRRR FOAMING AT THE MOUTH

content - dom guitarist neighbor!yunjin x nerd sub!y/n (written like "studious nerd" not "loser nerd" like in the sakura fic), smut (rough sex, fingering, choking, degradation, mommy kink, edging)

wc - 1652

a/n - ffos stop writing rockstar!yunjin smut challenge (difficulty: impossible). and when I do a rockstar!au series w a bunch of diff idols just fucking y/n brainless, then what? bc look at the material, rockstar winter, giselle, hanni, yunjin, wendy, phew, I'm dizzy.

all you want to do is study or relax, but yunjin has her own agenda.

I imagine you're some kind of stem or pre-med major where ur head is always buried in books, trying to study and memorize and re-memorize and review all this fucking material. ur always preoccupied with your studies that when u finally get that moment to rest, you really bask in the peace of silence after a long day.

but of course, you can never have good things. bc as soon as you lay back on your couch, ur favorite snack next to you and putting your comfort show on the tv, you hear music blasting from your neighbor. the melody u conclude being an arctic monkeys song (taste jennifer! listen to do I wanna know for immersion :)) which you would enjoy on any other day, if not for the fact that you were trying to relax and NOT feel the vibrations of the electric guitar from next door. that being said, this neighbor had been practicing music EVERY DAY for the past few weeks.

it drove u insane. you have never tried to confront ur neighbor bc you hoped they would stop on their own (maybe due to social anxiety too but that's neither here nor there), but after WEEKS of this perpetual migraine, you had no choice.

building up the courage to walk over to their door and proceeding to practically pound on it, music louder now that you were outside their apartment. you were fully prepared to go ape-shit on the menace that had been tormenting your serenity for so long. but you didn't prepare for them to be hot?!

the music stopping after 3 rounds of your aggressive knocking and finally a red-haired sexy ass woman swung open the door fully, guitar slung on her back and tatted arms crossed, wearing black tattered clothes, the woman towering over you as she leaned forward, looking up at her eyebrow and septum piercings.

you gulped nervously, not expecting such a sight, the ginger raising an eyebrow at you curiously.

"what do you want?" she'd ask annoyedly.

her tone pissed you off and snapped u out of your trance, "for you to lower your music or stop playing."

bold, she thought.

"why should I?" the woman leaned against her door frame, a smirk tugging at her lips.

you huff out frustratingly, "because you've been blasting your music for the past few weeks and I'm sick and tired of it, it gives me a headache and you have no respect."

she scoffs, "aw, is my princess missing out on her beauty sleep?"

you close ur eyes and sigh, regaining urself so you wouldn't blow up, then looking up at the girl's eyes, "can you PLEASE lower the music at least?"

the ginger uncrosses her arms and leans forward again, one hand on the door frame and another gesturing at you, "do I get anything in return for being such a good girl for you?"

u feel chills go down your spine at her words and your cheeks heat up. the sound of her deep chuckle makes you look away.

"fuck you're cute, what's your name?" she tilts her head to the side.

"y-y/n."

"I've never seen you around y/n. you're telling me I've been living next to an absolute babe for the past few months and I didn't know? can't be having that."

your eyes dart anywhere else before you clear your throat, "anyway, thank you, I'll get going now."

"ah, ah, ah, not so fast y/n-ie. I haven't even told you my name yet!" you feel a hand snatch your wrist and pull you back, your body falling into hers.

you look up at the red-haired neighbor, "it's yunjin, jennifer to friends, but you can moan mommy to me."

you scream internally and feel your heartbeat racing. it'd be so fucking cringe to hear it if anyone else said it, but something about the way jen held you and looked at you like her next meal made your lower stomach feel on fire.

"do you wanna know how talented guitarists are with their fingers?" her naughty half-lidded gaze trailed the features of your face, looking so innocent to her, with your large black framed glasses and wide eyes.

"you're disgusting and a pervert miss jennifer," you say, trying to cover up your attraction to her and the situation (failing btw).

you try to pull away from her grasp, her strong hands gripping your arms tighter and holding you close, her face coming closer to yours, "oh please, don't lie and tell me you don't wanna fuck me."

"you really don't have any respect do you?"

"and where was your respect? came pounding on my door, demanding whatever bullshit you just said, didn't even ask me for my name miss neighbor!" a cocky smile spreading on yunjin's face.

"well I apologize but it should be common sense to not blast your music for the entire 5th floor to hear," you roll your eyes, crossing your arms in her hold.

"you look even better when you're angry, maybe I should piss you off some more."

god she pissed you off so much, it's unfortunate the girl was really fucking hot.

"I'm not pissed," you lied.

"no? what are you then? horny?" the audacity really.

you roll your eyes, "can I go?"

jen gives you an annoyingly smug expression and shakes her head left to right before pulling you into her place, shutting the door behind you, and pinning you to it.

"you may not be horny, which I don't believe, but I am now."

her grip leaves your arms and trails your sides. you let out a heavy sigh but try to hold your composure.

"hm? you're not pushing me away? does that mean I'm right?"

she chuckles lowly next to your ear, her greedy hands slipping under your sweatshirt and rubbing the skin.

"sh-shut up," you mumble, turning your head away from her face in your neck, her mouth leaving hot breaths and wet kisses across it.

her calloused fingertips tap against your waist and travel higher, "no bra? was your intention to get fucked so I could change my mind?"

she's so vulgar, like it gives you the ick, but she feels so good, you ignore the bullshit spilling from her lips.

she feels up your stomach and places each hand on your boobs, kneading them eagerly and breathing hard on your neck. you bite your lip to prevent any noise from escaping your mouth. you knew it was wrong, you knew it was dirty, but you knew it felt too good to wanna stop.

"c'mon princess, let it out for me," yunjin would whisper against your skin, her thumbs circling your hard nipples.

your hands clutch her bare shoulders as you feel her smile against your jaw. you struggle hard to hold back a whine as she pushes you into the door using her warm body.

"I have nothing to let out for you," lying again.

"I guess I just have to tear it out from you then," the guitarist says before taking her hands out from under your sweatshirt and grabbing you by the thighs, lifting you up and carrying you to her room.

your body falls against the plush mattress and you watch as the woman slings her guitar off her shoulders, crawling on the bed towards you.

"you may be able to resist how good it feels now, but not after I have my way with you... I won't be the one making so much noise after all."

oh and she truly kept her word.

yunjin's right hand fingers were plunged deep inside your pussy, thrusting in and out at unfathomable speed, while her left hand fingers were in your mouth, shoving them down your throat and making you gag.

your shorts and panties were somewhere lost in her room and if your vision wasn't blurred with tears, you swear your clothes hang from one of the guitars she had displayed on the wall. you sat with your legs wide open on jen's lap, your back against the headboard for stability, tongue sticking out so her fingers can reach deeper into your mouth.

all you could make out were the choking noises coming from your throat and muffled moaning conjoined with it. your cunt was on fire due to the pace at which her digits were ramming into you. your eyes were rolled back and your thighs trembled.

"you sick fuck, you're really enjoying this you know? I know you are, I know you love how rough I'm treating you. who would've known some lowly nerd like you would be into such freaky shit."

she'd pull the fingers in your throat out which caused you to release a deep groan, but return her hand to your neck, squeezing and pinning you against the headboard.

"m-mommy..." you'd desperately whimper out.

a sick chuckle leaves her throat hearing you call her the title she mentioned earlier.

"you may be a whore but you're good at following directions, aren't you princess?" she sinisterly smiles at your fucked out expression, pulling her fingers all the way out to slam them in again, using four digits to plunge into your gushing cunt.

your vision blurs completely as you feel your high coming quick. your back arches off of the wall and your body melts into yunjin's hold.

"cumming already? so sensitive, I don't wanna end it yet," she immediately retracts her hand from your pulsing core.

you whine desperately at the loss of contact and jennifer's grip on your neck tightens.

"listen here little slut, I barely even started. you're going to hold out until I have my way with you, got it?"

let's just say you're not the neighbor making the noise complaints in the next few hours (days? weeks? yunjin realllyyyy liked you).

a/n - guitarists' finger dexterity is no joke (I play guitar so someone plsss hmu :.) aka huh yunjin hit my line im begging you)

[solaariia]

the self-concept

hellour! this is gonna be a long post!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

i was studying for my social psychology course today (for context i'm a psych major) and read something that might be helpful for everyone who's been having doubts about manifestation subconsciously being part of our everyday lives—as opposed to something made up by the internet.

the information i'm about to provide is from actual sociologists and psychologists, so this is rooted in studies. i promise i'm not about to pull info out of my ass! this is mainly just a very very brief summary of the self concept chapter we're reading about in class.

side note, i named all the researchers in case you wanna check out their work yourself! i made this post to provide insight about our self-concept and clear limiting beliefs. :)

what is self-concept?

so we hear the term self-concept a lot in the manifestation community. Neville, Edward, Sammy, Dr Joe Dispenza, bloggers on tumblr… all of them talk about it all the time. but what does it actually mean?

the self-concept refers to the total sum of beliefs that people have about themselves. it consists of cognitive molecules that social psychologist Hazel Markus called self-schemas. these are the beliefs about ourselves that guide the processing of self relevant information. but what does this actually mean?

well, self-schemas are to the self-concept what books are to a library. if someone asks about yourself, you will probably answer with something quick like: “i am a woman” or “i am a student.” those simple attributes are part of your self-schema; if we want to go deeper, body weight is also a self-schema. for people who regard weight as a crucial part of their beliefs, something simple like a gym trip with friends or buying stuff at the supermarket may trigger thoughts about the self. but if a person is aschematic (not concerned by a certain attribute) about body weight, no thoughts will pop up.

we already know that the self is a special object of our attention. whether its a thought or a song, our consciousness is like a spotlight. this means that it can shine on one object at one point in time, yet shift rapidly from one object to another and process information outside of awareness. in this spotlight, the self is at the forefront of our minds. its what's most important to us at that moment. keep this in mind for later!

to finish with the explanations, neurologist Oliver Sacks highlighted two important points about the self:

🩷 there is a private “inner” self, and an “outer” self we show to others. if we don’t self reflect to understand how were feeling, how will we understand our emotions and actions?

🩷 the self is heavily influenced by social factors.

now–what does that last point mean? well, what we think about ourselves is rooted from childhood. if we grow up hearing “you’ll never amount to anything” or “you’re my favorite child” (extreme examples i know), then that's what we’ll ingrain in our self-concept. this notion brings me to the fun stuff–the studies!

is self-concept scientifically proven?

psychologist Gordon Gallup performed a series of studies where he put animals in front of a mirror to test if they could recognize themselves. at first, they vocalized and greeted themselves in the mirror (my dog did this too when he was a pup, he would bark at his own reflection and play with it), but after several days, only great apes seemed capable of self recognition, using the mirror just like any other human would. grooming themselves, making faces… in short, they recognized themselves!

why do i bring this experiment up? well, this proves that the concept of “me” is necessary to define our self-concept. we must first recognize ourselves as Something to become Someone.

using that same study in humans, this process of self-recognition begins between 18-24 months. which means that from this point onwards we start to define Self (consciousness).

you might read this and–admittedly–think: “oh this blog post hasn’t said anything about manifestation!” true, but i want to present the basics or self-concept first to understand how it affects our daily thoughts!

there was another experiment we talked about in one of my lectures (i do not remember who performed this study specifically, but Dr Patrick Heck did one similar to this one and the results were the same), where participants were told to take a test. half of them were told to boast about themselves, and the rest were instructed to describe themselves modestly. naturally, participants who spoke highly of themselves scored higher on these tests than participants who didn’t. so… you all see where i’m going with this.

remember how i said to keep the “consciousness is a spotlight” paragraph in mind? i’ll finally touch on it with this next and last thing i’m gonna talk about (in this post at least!).

we already established that the first step in the evolution of our self-concept is the ability to recognize ourselves as Someone. the second step, however, involves social factors. sociologist Charles Horton Cooley introduced the term looking-glass self to suggest that other people serve as a mirror in which we see ourselves. and another sociologist by the name of George Herbert added that the only way to know ourselves is by imagining the opinions of our significant others and applying them to our self-concepts. sounds familiar?

how do i change my self-concept?

Neville mentioned the “mirror-self” on his conferences too. he said that one of his favorite techniques to better his Self was to imagine a loved one speaking kindly of himself. in his book Your Faith is Your Fortune, Neville wrote: “Stop trying to change the world since it is only the mirror. Man’s attempt to change the world by force is as fruitless as breaking a mirror in the hope of changing his face. Leave the mirror and change your face. Leave the world alone and change your conceptions of yourself. The reflection then will be satisfactory.”

since the self-concept is a library (our perception of Self) made out of self-schemas (books brought to us by our peers), we can see that sometimes, what we think of ourselves is just an amalgamation of beliefs implanted to us by the people in our lives. so if we were given these books we don’t like, why should we keep them in our library?

to change these negative beliefs we have about ourselves, all we have to do is replace them with positive ones. i know, i know, this is what every person who studies loa and manifestation regurgitates over and over. its nothing that hasn’t been posted to numerous blogs or twitter threads before.

however, the point about this whole post is to tell you why that is the only way to change your self-concept. if your daily thoughts are filled with phrases like: “my sp doesn’t want me” and “i’m so broke” or “what’s the point? this is all worthless anyways.” STOP. DROP. CHANGE.

journal. write your limiting beliefs in your ipad, paper, wood, stone–whatever.

use your hands to apply muscle memory. once you have them, CROSS THEM OUT!

i can’t manifest = I CAN MANIFEST EVERYTHING I WANT

i hope i shift tonight = I KNOW I SHIFT EVERY NIGHT

i wish i had money = I HAVE ALL THE MONEY I WANT AND MORE

just those small changes are enough to rewire your entire self-concept. also, exposure. the more exposure you have to something, the more insecure it will make you. if you’re having a hard time manifesting, remove all blogs, twitter accounts, and people that limit your beliefs. less exposure to negativity = less negativity reflected in your self-concept.

problems with the Self will always be there. if you remove a negative belief, another will pop up. all you can do is learn more about your “inner” self and recognize how you’re feeling. what you can do is focus on the positives, and automatically, your self-concept will change.

persist in the assumption until it becomes your reality!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

thank you all for making it this far! just in case, the book i got this information from is Social Psychology 11th Edition authored by Kassin, Fein and, H.R. Markus. there’s a lot of interesting information on this academic book that is similar to the ones Dr Joe Dispenza has written, so i could make another post like this in the future! take care!

[fairyyarchive]

Hey homegirl can u write ab fwb zoro and the reader wants to take a nap w him (preferably when he’s shirtless)… it doesnt even have to be straight smut i wanna feel the TENSIONNNN

ok first of all. absolutely omg. fwb w zoro is one of my fav things and I just love seeing him get a lil nervous around you because it's so cute <3 this ended up being a lot softer than I initially thought, so I hope you enjoy! <3 faye contains: fwb's reader + zoro, nicknames (darlin' from zoro drives me crazyyy ugh), mentions of sex but no explicit smut, cuddling, fluff, naps, shirtless zoro, fwb but they have feelings

sleep in the sun

Sometimes, life at sea could get a little boring. Sure, there were always new obstacles to overcome with the Straw Hats, people to help and fights to win (and one triple-armed swordsman to patch up) almost every day; but the in-betweens left you to entertain yourself. On a ship in the middle of the sea, all you could do to pass the time was reading, pacing the deck, bothering Sanji, or … underneath the aforementioned swordsman. 

Look, it’s not that either of you intended for this to happen, but with days at sea and only five other people to talk to and the tightness in your chest when he stood too closely behind you, it seemed almost inevitable that few drinks one night led to a kiss, a soft “C’mere,” muttered as his strong hands pulled you on top of his lap. 

Since then, a silent agreement between the two of you kept you returning to each other during sleepless nights and empty afternoons. It wasn’t exactly official, nor was it exactly public, but it was a closeness you both craved – a calm safety you’d never found in your travels alone. Zoro was strong and kind beneath the hardened exterior he’d built to protect himself, and you’d be lying to yourself if you said the sight of him shirtless and sweaty after a fight didn’t do a little something to you.

Today in particular found the two of you bored out of your minds; the others exploring and no doubt causing a ruckus the town at which you were docked. Feeling the effects of last night’s rendezvous and resulting lack of sleep left you and Zoro opting out of the outing, with the ship to yourselves and the warm afternoon sun and misty sea breeze creating the perfect weather to laze about in. 

As you wandered up to the deck of the Merry, you smiled softly when you found your green-haired swordsman lounging in a hammock, cotton pants tied low around his waist, and bare chest soaking up the sun’s warmth. His arms were folded behind his head, eyes closed. He looked so peaceful like this, the slight scowl he usually wore melted, taught muscles relaxed. You tried to ignore the tug in your heart when you saw him like this, a fondness that had made its home in your chest sometime lately.

“You asleep?” You approached him quietly, trying your best not to disturb him if he was.

“Nah,” Zoro opened his eyes, turning to face you. A lazy smile reached his lips when he saw you, hair a bit tousled and eyes gleaming in the light. His own heart panged at how beautifully the sun painted you, and he silently thanked the universe for blessing him with your company on the ship. 

“Can I … lay with you for a bit?” You bit your lip, suddenly shy. The man had seen you naked several times now, in various positions and much more embarrassing situations. So why did the concept of simply napping in the same hammock, mostly clothed at that, make your heart race?

Zoro cleared his throat, brows raised a little in surprise. Was he blushing too? “Ah - sure, yeah you can. C’mere darlin’,” he extended his arms to wrap them around your waist, allowing for you to climb into the hammock on top of him. 

You settled into his embrace, your head resting on his just above his heartbeat and his sun kissed skin warming you. Zoro shifted beneath you, getting comfortable with the added person to the hammock. His arms wrapped firmly around your waist and held you close, as if he thought you may float away from him if he didn’t. You breathed him in, all clean musk and sweat and bright citrus, with a bite of sea air. Warm, comorting, Zoro.

“Mmm. You smell so good,” you sighed against him. 

“Yeah?” His chest rose and fell in a soft chuckle, eyes already closed again as you relaxed against him. You nodded, nuzzling further into the crook of his neck and peppering soft kisses on the bare skin of his neck and shoulder. A soft grin broke across his face, the joy in his heart unavoidable with you on him like this. 

Your eyes drifted closed as the breeze ruffled your hair, your breathing beginning to slow as your mind drifted off to sleep. Zoro drifted off soon after, his breathing steady and heartbeat calm as he held you tight, a warmth in his heart that he knew always belonged to you.

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊

let me know how you like this! I'd love to do more fwb with zoro <3 ty for all the love! <3 faye

☆.。. Masterlist

☆.。. Requests open!

[pinkacademiaprincess]

Hiii I’m so sorry to bother you!, hope your day goes well <3 I just want to ask, how can I improve in maths? I’m preparing myself for the sat and I have trouble with understanding it. Any tips would be very much appreciated, thanku !! ♡

Become a Math Whiz: Acing Math Class & the SAT 📈✏️📚👩‍🏫

ty for the ask & the kind words! you are never a bother, i'm happy to help 🥰 i can def give some tips as someone who went from struggling w/ math to being good at it. and i’ve taken the SAT so i know that experience as well! i hope this helps 💗

take accountability

it’s very easy to try to shift blame & avoid taking responsibility for your grades/ performance. i used to think things like “the teacher is just bad!” or “i’m just not a math person!” but this mindset is just deflecting. some things are out of your control, like what teacher you have or preferring other subjects, but you have to step up & work hard to create your own success! remembering this will help you stay motivated and disciplined.

find your learning style

i talked about this in a previous post too, but there are different styles of learning - visual, auditory, hands-on, & reading/writing - and not all of them work for everyone. if you spend a ton of time studying and don’t see improvement or results, that’s a big sign that you’re studying wrong. a method that works for your friend or that your teacher uses might not actually be effective for you. so do some research into learning styles and study methods, and find implement strategies that work for you.

never fall behind

okay, easier said than done. but one of the biggest reasons i used to struggle is math is that i would get stuck on a concept, never fully master it, and then i’d stay behind. in math, a lot of topics build on each other. if you get stuck on a topic, it’s crucial that you figure it out asap or your confusion will snowball. you can’t build a solid structure on top of a wobbly foundation. the moment you encounter a problem area, study it until you’ve completely understood.

practice makes perfect

i try to steer clear of recommending specific study methods b/c everyone has different learning styles. but math is so dependent on problem solving & applications that you really have to master this skill in order to succeed. beyond just reviewing your notes & reading over concepts, you need to practice applying topics by solving problems. do the homework questions & do them for accuracy, even if it’s just graded for completion. find extra problems in the textbook, workbook, online, etc. redo questions from class or the hw that confused you until you can do them correctly without your notes. drill it until you can solve them AND understand how the steps work!

ask for help

i am clearly a big proponent of asking for help. in school, your teachers are gonna be one of the best resources you have. for one, they’re teachers for a reason, so even if you think they’re not too great at explaining stuff, they know the concepts. and besides that, your teachers the ones who are creating units, assigning your work, writing & grading your tests... they should be your go-to for questions. visit them during office hours or email to set up a meeting where you can discuss concepts. ask for extra practice problems, ask them to look over your work & let you know how it looks, talk through your work with them. aside from teachers, you can get help from a tutor, a classmate, whoever you can turn to. but pls don’t suffer alone! succeeding with help is still succeeding.

use the internet

so maybe your teacher truly sucks at explaining. maybe you don’t have classmates to help and can’t afford a tutor. or maybe you just wanna supplement your learning another way. i really really recommend utilizing free learning tools online!! khan academy is an obvious one for videos, practice problems, and more. you can also find tons of youtube videos explaining math topics. sometimes it helps to hear things explained another way. i also google “[math concept] practice problems” if i want extra questions to work through.

bonus: tips for SAT math

the SAT is a bit different b/c the math concepts aren’t actually too advanced. it’s all multiple choice so you don’t get to rely on partial points for showing your work. the SAT is testing your strategy & speed as much as it’s actually testing you on math concepts, so here are my best tips for that specifically:

use khan academy’s SAT prep tool - it’s free (!!!!!) and it links to your collegeboard account. it uses prior years’ SAT content so it’s very similar to the test itself. it helps you pace yourself, pinpoint your problem areas, learn & apply concepts, & track your progress. here's a screenshot from when i used it, as you can see my scores improved and i was able to ultimately get a superscore of 1450!

take practice tests - this helps you get familiar with the time constraint. khan academy has plenty!!

do a ton of SAT math practice questions - ideally, find a ton of questions used in prior SAT tests and just crank them out. the test's concepts are quite repetitive so if you just focus on the topics they usually test, you can master them

learn test-taking strategies - the SAT is multiple choice and has a tricky time constraint, so however you can save time will help. become good at using the process of elimination & other multiple choice test methods. you can find these sorts of tips online!

i hope this helps! know that you are completely capable of improving at math. i went from thinking i suck at it & doing poorly in math class to acing my calc courses & studying to enter a math-focused field. utilize your resources and figure out your best study style asap, and you WILL see improvements!

[nuhuhwinniethepooh]

Pt.2 to Prodigy! Gojo Satoru (Readers pov : From the beginning)

___________________________________________________

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who was raised by your grandparents your whole life after a tragic accident that took away both your parents, making you an orphan in just a day.

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who excels in all your classes with the bare minimum, hiding your true talents for years on end just so that you don't have to leave your grandparents behind. You know that they'll force you to move away for further studies if they find out afterall, they love you and want only the best for you.

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who adores helping out in the bakery, why waste money in hiring workers when you're right there? You're eager and young; your grandparents pleads with you to study and enjoy your last year of middle-school life instead but no, you don't need to. Having a photogenic memory has its advantages, add your problem-solving skills and easily adapting body with it and you're unstoppable so no, you're not gonna let them work alone.

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who notices that your grandmother is coughing a lot more than usual and your grandfather is clearly hiding something from the two of you. You saw him shred a piece of paper almost furiously which was very unlike him, he was usually the calm one. You catch sight of a shredded piece of paper on the floor with the letters 'ojo' on it .

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who panics when you find your grandmother lying on the floor, breathing shallowly. Anyone would think she's dead, you hurriedly rush her to the hospital.

"It's old age. It's finally catching up to her, nothing we can do about it," they say. Holding her frail, unconscious hands upto your lips, you kiss it gently.

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who breaks the news about your grandmother collapsing to your grandfather and watch his heart shatter, your own heart quickly following after his. He finally breaks down and tells you the news that had him stressing for weeks on end, the bakery had to be sold. You can't believe your ears, the bakery had to be sold?!

"What do you mean, grandpa? You're selling the bakery?!" You whisper-yell, your mind unable to process the information as you watch your grandfather tearfully nod his head.

"But why?! Is it because of grandma?! We have enough money to pay for her hospital fees! Besides, we've been running this bakery for so long! We can't just sell it," you say softly, tears springing up in your eyes.

"I don't wanna do this but I have no either choice. Either we sell it or we get evicted with nothing to our name," he answers tearfully, his trembling hands holding onto your hands.

"But why?" Your voice cracks, feeling pathetic for the first time in your life. "Something about a construction, sweet pea. This foolish grandfather of yours destroyed the paper before reading it and now you have to face the consequences, I'm sorry," he whispers. You reassure him tearfully that it wasn't his fault, hugging him tight.

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who finds out that the whole neighborhood was being bought one by one and the bakery was the last man standing. Unwilling to part with the land, you have a firm hold on it despite being so young; it wasn't a particularly hard concept to understand, for you at least.

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who's closing the bakery up for the night but gets an unwanted visitor instead; you watch a black sedan pulling up, a white set of hair popping out of the back seat and gazing at the bakery sineage.

"He's weird," you think, creeped out by the fact that he was wearing tinted sunglasses at night. Who even does that? You clear your throat as you watch him enter, " we're closed for the night."

"Is it though?"

"It is," you answer, biting back a remark at his smug smile.

"Well, it's open now," he says, pulling down one of the up-turned chair and sitting on it, "manspreading of course, I'm not surprised," you sigh to yourself.

"I want a hot chocolate, lots of marshmallows with it," he orders, flicking his wrist at you as he looks around the bakery with a satisfied hum. You roll your eyes," coming right up," you mumble, opting to get it done and over with.

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who's surprised by his eyes as you put the mug down in front of him, catching a look of the bright cerulean blues from above, hidden beneath the glasses.

"Shame that I didn't find this place sooner, the hot chocolate's good," he says between sips, looking at you...well at least you think he is, his glasses makes it difficult to know where he's looking. "Well now that you know you're welcome to come again," you answer with a small smile at the compliment, the bakery's hot chocolate was good. A skill your grandparents made sure to drill in you, the art of making hot chocolate.

He shakes his head," that won't be possible since this place is getting sold anyways, a shame really," he says, making you freeze. "It's not going anywhere," you say firmly, confused at the amused glance you're getting. Gulping his drink down, he slams the mug on the table with a smile," We'll see about that," he hums, pulling out his wallet and putting down an exorbitant amount of money on the table. You clear your throat, staring at him with surprise," that's too mu-"

"For your troubles," he cuts you off, you catch a quick sight of his ID before he snaps it shut and walks off. 'Gojo Satoru'. 'Gojo'.....you think back on the letters you saw before- 'ojo' and suddenly it all clicks; the white hair, the visit, the attitude.

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who researches up on him and finds out that he's only two years older than you. Graduating middle school after two months, you cheerfully rush to the hospital to visit your grandma to tell her about your day, only to find out she died an hour ago. Your find your grandpa collapsed besides her bed unable to bear with the grief.

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who is forced to sell the bakery to take care of your bedridden grandfather and continue your schooling simultaneously, rage running through high-school. Applying in the same university built upon the land that you grew up on, your fond memories and life all erased with no hint of it ever being there.

Baker's granddaughter!Reader who blames the Gojo clan for your misfortune, you were perfectly happy before they came and ruined your life. Your childhood home, gone. Your loving grandmother, gone. Your grandfather, bedridden and in a comatose state. "It's all their fault," you think.

"Only if they never interfered," you say bitterly, voice soft as you hold your grandfather's hand in yours. The beeping machine besides him the only proof that he's still breathing, still living. "I'll get our revenge for all the things they put us through, I promise," you continue, letting go of his hand and kissing his forehead softly.

"I'll give them what they gave us ten-fold, grandpa. You just wait and watch, I'll be back."

Vengeful! Reader who gets in the university with a whopping never seen before percentage and an ever-growing conviction; you were gonna burn this university and the Gojo clan to the ground, slowly but surely.

__________________________________________________

Series? I don't know what we call it but yea. Part.2, a small outlook on your life.

Pt.1 Prodigy Gojo Satoru

Should I write a spin-off where Reader is just a normal student without the tragic backstory?

Tags : @ritsatoru @virtuapicklequirkreader @sharkluver

Masterlist

[a-certain-romance]

house wife reader pt 3!!! (house wife annon atp)

i wanna expand on shenhe and house wife reader bc i lost my 50/50 for her again

shenhe and housewife reader!!, Shenhe would be troubled to know if her house wife could leave her in an instance. Just so she knows you wont leave her she sometimes bends you over the kitchen counter ripping a hole in her favourite suit to let out her boner to fuck you desperately. She needs to cum in you leave some mark inside you so you get the hint.

She always cums raw inside she always wants your around so if you get an accidentital conception she’ll freak out at first and be confused since are you gonna leave? are you gonna scream at her? But turns out your making a new life with her guess her house wife really is something. she’ll happily learn abt parenting with you just for the slight mistake she caused from her own insecurities

beidou and her house wife reader is really something sometimes you beg along to go into going on the sea trips with her since you cant handle being lonely she reluctantly agrees sometimes but all you can do is sit in her cabin all day

at one point she drank too much and stumbled into the cabin, Full of lust she tears both your clothing off. she first gets you to suck her off getting her already to penetrate your cunt since you both knew how desperate you were for eachother you both just couldnt fuck due to the crew

but i know definetly they can hear that night of intamacy

lets also talk abt the inazuman girls more mainly miko rn

Yae miko is a very busy cunning woman who can only afford to give half of her time to you but that doesnt mean shes highly possesive over you, leaving condoms filled with her cum in your shared bedroom sometimes from how much she wishes she could be there for her house wife or while at night she wants you to rut against her cock and gets hard at the thought of it. All she can do now is rut against your cunt desperatly not trying to wake you up since she knows how hard her house wife works<3

untill she couldnt take it anymore she needed you she needed your tight cunt around her cock

she softly wakes up that night opening your thighs leaving cute bike marks and hickeys with her fangs as a sense of ownership before her buldge from her night suit is finally clear she pulls down her pants down enough for her semi hard cock to appear before slowly inserting the first few inchs

she was intoxicaited and drugged by how good you felt around her cock spasming already to cum inside but she knew she had to make it special she slowly started to join your hips and disattaxh them but honestly she got too desperate and started pouding away till you woke up

“go back to sleep, mommy’s g’nna make you feel real good princess” you knew you couldnt argue with your wife you cook and clean for her everyday and serve her as much as you could

honestly you thought you fsiled as a wife to have theese urges inside of you but turns out your wife was just as desperate as you <3

Dude I lost my 50/50 on her weapon I feel your pain.

Warnings: Smut written by a minor, possessive tendencies (Shenhe, Miko kinda), creampies (Shenhe), mention of pregnancy(Shenhe), power dynamics (Beidou), submission (Beidou), crying (Beidou), blowjob (Beidou), Riding (Beidou), Somno (Miko),

Links to pt1, pt2, & pt3

She’s so out of touch with society that sometimes she’ll get a bit insecure. Wouldn’t you rather want someone who has more knowledge about modern city life? Someone who can treat you to all the things Liyue has to offer? But she doesn’t let these thoughts get the better of her, not when she can do something about it. And that something is you, when she fucks your brains out. Suit be damned, a thin piece of material won’t get in the way of sex. She’s obsessed with the way her cum drips out of you when your pussy gets full of her. She finds it so incredibly hot how you’ve taken so much of her that the only place left for her cum to go is to drip out.

And it’s this same obsession that lead her to this accidental conception. In her time spent with Chongyun, she’s learned a bit or two about taking care of “kids”. And with the help of Cloud Retainer, she’ll try her best to fulfill the responsibilities of a mother.

A small part of her loves it. You’re “ruined” for anyone else. Not that she’s forcing you to stay with her after, but now your lives are intertwined in ways she didn’t anticipate. Her hand holds yours as she pounds away at you during another late night. You’re already carrying her child, so might as well cum inside again.

As much as she loves having you on board, she can’t always protect you from the dangers out at sea. Beidou feels much more comfortable with you safe and sound on land, even though it makes her miss you like crazy. There isn’t much you can do without the proper training needed to be apart of either the Shield or Spear groups so there isn’t a lot to do to pass the hours. There’s drinking of course, and on one of those nights you stop at a few glasses to go back into the cabin.

When she stumbles in with that look in her eye you know what’s about to happen. But here’s the fun part: when she’s drunk, she’s a lot more sensitive. You found this out long before you boarded. And ever since, with Beidou’s consent of course, you use that to your full advantage.

She has the faintest bit of pre-cum leaking out of her cock. You coo at how sensitive she is, aren’t you just so needy? You’ll hold the tip gently in your hand, softly wrapping your hand around it as you guide it towards your mouth. The sound of her whimpers fills your ears as she buckles greedily into you.

“Been waiting so long to have you like this. Damn the crew if they hear us, I need you”

She’s on the verge of tears as you suck her cock almost all the way. Her hand shakily grip the back of your head; weakly helping you bob your head up and down while massaging her balls for leverage. You’re usually the louder once, but when Beidou’s drunk, her breathy moans are hard to conceal.

Her cock will twitch inside your throat. When her eyebrows crease in pleasure and concentration, she paints your throat white with her cum. When you release your mouth from her cock, with a thin string of saliva connecting the two, you replace your mouth with your cunt as you shift to sit on Beidou’s lap.

She tends to sober up quickly after you suck her off, but she’s too overwhelmed to take full control. She’s tends to be the one to dominate and always loves the power trip. When she’s like this for you, she has no qualms over giving the reins to you.

Straddle her and hope there’s no noise complaints the next day.

Miko hates how she can get caught up in her work so easily. It happens a lot more than she would like since there’s always so much to be done. You’re always on her mind however. The image of your tired body cuddled in her arms, or tending to the various chores you assist with, or having your body spread out for her on the sheets. Sometimes in her office she would take her cock out and stroke it until she came. Sure it was a mess to clean up, but she desperately needed the stress relief.

Miko is mindful of your energy. No matter how much she wants it, she doesn’t want to over-exhaust your poor body. And that was how she started to bring up somno with you. You would get your much needed rest, and she would get her much needed release. She’s only settled with grinding but lately she’s been craving more.

Those first few inches felt like heaven. It feels like it’s been so long since she’s had your wet pussy wrapped around her. She was going to make this last. She started slow as she would any other night. A steady pace so your body can get used to the feeling. Her blunt nails dig into your hips as she began to loose control. It’s as if her instincts are being controlled by something else, something primal within her.

She can sense your eyelids flutter open but quietly shushes you before you can say a word. “You’re doing so good, you’re so good for me, princess. Close your eyes and let Mommy use you to get off.” She has big plans for you tonight, too bad you’ll be asleep for most of it.

[scintillyyy]

as we all know i LOVE rite of passage (detective comics #618-#621) and to the father i never knew (batman #480). i have analyzed them so much & i will continue to analyze them so much more in the future. they are so, so dear to me. i look at them with heart eyes.

at the same time, i blame them for fanon drakes.

because listen--the concepts that fanon drakes largely came out of are from these particular potrayals of them & particular panels from them--rite of passage is famous for the postcard letter, which fandom warped to mean they don't call tim (along with the drakes as selfish ceos) and the way thay they're portrayed as ostentatiously wealthy with the million dollar jet (leading to tim & the idea that he grew up ostentatiously weathly in the vein of bruce wayne wealth with his empty mansion and completely unaware what a banana costs or what normal people are like). the idea that they had tim as a business baby does have roots in jack saying that tim is going to take over the company one day (and tim not wanting to take over the company one day) in the father i never knew. now fanon has warped & exaggerated these traits immersely, but the initial concepts honestly stem mainly from alan grant's work on them (because it's the only time we see them *so* ostentatiously wealthy, on everyone else/the vast majority of the time they drakes are upper class but also jack and dana make tim do chores and he has normal sized rooms and boarding schools).

and i just wanna talk a little bit about how and why those traits came to be under him & why they ended up working in interesting ways in canon but end up falling flat in fanon. because those traits were put there for very specific reasons & when you lose or alter the context of them, it takes away what's interesting about them existing to begin with.

because let's give the main context for them: the drakes were this way under alan grant. and when alan grant is writing, alan grant is gonna put his agenda in there. and i say that in an entirely neutral way. and in the 80s, alan grant was an anarchist--notably creating the character of lonnie machin aka anarky. which brings us to our second main context: though he was never even a contender for it, alan grant had created lonnie with the thought that he could maybe make lonnie the third robin (unbeknownst to grant, wolfman and o'neil had already decided on and were creating tim drake specifically for the role--there were no other real contenders at the time).

so when you read through grant's issues on batman and on how he wrote the drakes you do have to take into consideration the following: that grant had a statement to make & thay he had a clear interest in foiling the robin that was created with that of the one he tried to. he wanted to explore a story of capitalistic greed and exploitation and its negatives. so when he writes the drakes as greedy, as ostentatious, as bitter people who argue over a beleaguered secretary's head in rite of passage it's because he has to *set the stage for how this greed will lead to their downfall*. and it does! it gets them kidnapped, it gets their secretary killed. it is a *lesson*, cautioning against greed--does he not have them also lament while they were kidnapped thay had they known what life had coming, they would have chosen to not waste any of the good things (their son)-- the things that *really* matter, not their greed or that which came of it. it is why that as they're reaping the consequences of their greed, tim is simultaneously in his own battle with anarky--so that he can be foiled against him, and making tim's parents stand for everything anarky fights against is *part of tim's foiling against lonnie*, part of his ideological fight with him--as tim is winning, his parents are losing. as tim walks away from lonnie, proud to be able to tell bruce that he tracked him down all by himself, proud to have won, tim is about to receive the worst news--that bruce was unable to save his mom and his dad is comatose, who paid the ultimate price for their greed. the exaggerated awful traits of the drakes work here *because* it fits into the bigger story as a whole--they need to be that awful to make a statement on how capitalism and greed kills and ruins you. and even then grant is not without sympathy for this--tim, as the person who loses so much as a result of everything, is treated very sympathetically despite being a foil for lonnie. tim may have won the battle against lonnie, but he lost so much more. even jack and janet are allowed their moment of realization that they made the wrong decisions before being punished for them. it works to service the inherent political statements embedded within. the exaggerated awful traits work as social commentary.

even in to the father i never knew, the themes of greed & what greed will cost are there (though there are also lots of other delicious themes as well). in here, tim and his lack of greed is played against the greed of his father and phil marin--his father wants him to take over the company, but tim wants to take care of the city--and meanwhile jack's company is being embezzled from by a man he trusts who *tim* ultimately stops. jack's greed and refusal to know his son almost loses him everything and he is unaware of it all. tim knows everything but can't tell him anything. again, jack's exaggerated awful traits work here as *social commentary*.

and when you take away this social commentary aspect of their traits when you exaggerate them and just make them awful to tim, you do start to lose what made these traits *work* in the comics. because then you just get awful for the sake of being awful. irredeemable with no remorse. a rich kid needing to be saved by a rich man. you lose the meat of what their exaggerated negative traits wete supposed to stand for when you lose the interplay of class and social commentary.

[bulbabutt]

if i can be corny for a second i wanna talk about the greatest strengths of the 2003 tmnt series and why it speaks to me (esp as a queer person)

so i might have alluded to this before, but let me say it outright: each show is definitely a product of its time, and the ideals of whatever generation its from. whether talking about the humour, the story, the dialogue etc, its always important to remember that these shows will always come off in a way due to the generation theyre from. and thats not a bad thing! it just means its important to think about them from that perspective.

2003 is a show of my generation growing up, and a thing about that era that maybe some people younger than me wont understand is there is so much more language commonly available to describe yourself now than there was then. you can take this in any context; mental health, sexuality, gender identity, or even just the ability to describe your relationships with more (idk if this will be the right word) therapist language.

in 03 we have a family unit of splinter and his sons, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. we have a splinter who hasnt opened up to his sons about the trauma hes experienced, but not in a way of shutting them out, simply because it isnt their responsibility to know as they are teenagers. he tells them of the mutagen that created them, but not of his past with his master yoshi, who he calls father when by himself, but never around his sons which is just an interesting concept to think about.

(i do not intent this next sentence as ragging on the two shows after this when i say it, simply from a character standpoint) this is the splinter who completely doesnt make his problems his sons problems, but he also is very willing to tell them the truth when he knows they're ready. this is is the most idyllic version of splitner out of all of them, even when comparing to his mirage counterpart (who hes the most based on) due to that splinter raising them to be ninja specifically to make them fight shredder. this one is just their father who loves them and wants to keep them safe the best way he can, and he was never a human in the first place to even know how to be that. so this whole family dynamic starts with him, and the way he raised his sons reflects his parenting.

so, the setting and year this show is made is 2003. something very relatable here is how there isnt a lot of language for the personality quirks of the turtles. there's so much evidence here for mikey having adhd, his brothers will say things like "why doesnt mikey have to help?" and the answer is "well, he'd be bored. and whats worse, mikey not helping or mikey being bored?" its this beautiful moment of, "hey, we know its not fair, but thats how mikey is, and its better for everyone if we just respect that thats how he is" mikey cant keep his hands off stuff, they know this they dont yell at him for behaving that way, they just stop him. this coding feels the most specific, but like i said. its 2003. we dont have the words to describe what this is yet, and if we do its not common knowledge.

another example is in the classic episode where raphael meets casey jones. raphael is sparring with mikey, and he lashes out and nearly kills mikey. everyone reacts to this by getting him to stop, and no one is more upset than raphael himself. they all tell him to go get some air, which he does. theres no moment of any of them screaming at him for losing his temper, its very clear that they all know he's going to do that himself. and he does go get some air. they all know thats what he needs. he goes and meets casey jones, another hot head, and raph has to help coach this hot head on his anger. when he comes back at the end of the episode after having let out that aggression, he apologizes and no one is upset with him. there's a very clear understanding among his family that he cannot help it, but the best thing they can do is give him his space when he needs it. watching this from a 2023 perspective (20 years later) im sure we could analyze this as a few things going on with raph, my mind comes to autism but at the end of the day it doesnt matter why he behaves like this, the point is that he does and the best thing his family does is just...help him. which they do. and they never hold it against him.

when leo is going through his ptsd arc hes at his closest to raph as a character, the show draws a lot of parallels (like having him go let out some aggression with casey) and we get to see the dynamic in reverse. in "i, monster" (the rat king episode) leo is losing it, taking on rat king alone and not wanting to let up. raphael is actively holding his brothers back when they say "we shouldnt leave him to fight alone", raphael says "if leo gets in trouble i'm the first one in there, but right now it looks like leo's got more than one monster to work out of his system" raph doesn't exactly know what leos going through, but he recognizes it. he knows he needs to fight alone, so raph lets him. its only when the building collapses and leo is no longer in a safe position that he says "leo lets go", which leo wordlessly agrees with and actually listens.

this is what i think is the best part of these guys, the unconditional understanding they have for the way they are. we still have our "raphs a big hot head" "mikeys annoying" jokes, but they feel like genuine good natured sibling ribbing because they know each other on that level.

and to go back to the fact that this show is set in 2003, there's something so specific about the way mikey constantly makes references to liking women's clothing, to being fine with feminine language, and to being open about being the pretty turtle who "has that effect on minds of men" speaks to me as a queer person. this could easily be intended as homophobic jokes and probably is, because again.... its the mid 2000s, thats very much what media was like, thats what the jokes were. especially with the girly screams mikey does being one of the first jokes of this nature.

but theres something that happens in season 4, where an alien is attacking mikey, and donnie rushes in and says "hey, thats my sibling" that sticks out. and it happens again in fast forward. when talking to the dark turtles leo says "you and your brothers" "me and my siblings"

because of the way this family unit just understands each other without ever having a conversation about things, it feels like its not a joke. theres some kind of affirmation happening here. even if it seems like i could be reading into it too much, its specific! and it keeps happening!

and by the end of the show, when mikey says he wants to be maid of honour, even if that line in the media itself was intended to be a joke, no one in their family treats it like one. of course mikey is the maid of honour, he asked to be one! the only real offence taken is when april says bride's maid, to which he is offended because hes so much more important than that!

so from a story standpoint, this show doesnt have the intricate complexities and butting heads of latter iterations, there isnt much relationship growth to be had (in fact once we get to around season 5 the flanderization of the characters kind of begins and it loses some of the more complexities) but thats because its just not the focus of the story! the story is more about what they go through together, and thats fine! thats what our shows kind of were at the time. not saying there isnt any relationship growth, but its very much not the focus because these turtles? they already understand each other in a healthy way.

so to me, these guys are kind of the most wholesome family unit

[monstertsunami]

MY SGRAFFITO PLATES ARE FINALLY DONE !!!!

before/after glaze fires because the detail is soo hard to capture on camera with all the shine..

bonuses & rambles under cut !!

the wing plate was marbled clay & terracotta, and the underside REALLY shows it

bonus bisqueware snake to match the rest of the bisqueware pics. i am disappointed that the green underglaze was lighter than i remembered and muddied all the foliage :( wanted to make it clear in the main post so i chose a photo i took when i had just finished carving.

and the kinda wonky concept design that kicked off all 3! i didnt originally plan to carve each individual scale and leaf .....

process ramble time !!! my studio doesnt have the right type of wheels to use a bat on so i couldnt throw these. which disappointed me at first because handbuilt plates usually look reallyyy wacky and i get quite self concious over imperfections in my clay forms. i developed a really good process to get these as pretty as possible though! I used a convex slump mold to get the shape- convex molds are the best fo get a consistant & uniform face on each plate. usually i do this before the weekend, so when i come back i can carve away all the imperfections on a footing wheel without deforming the plate.

i usually keep it on a mold throughout the entire process- once ive carved the bottom i flip it over and set it in a concave mold to support the rim. this also helps with carving, so the wheels little hands can grab onto the mold and dont interfere with my work. when the plate looks all smooth and nice, i spend the rest of the day underglazing, then i can move on to carving it all away! it took only about 3-4 days of studio time to carve each plates design after it was footed, leaving me the last two days of the week to prep my clay for the next one!

im really happy with how these turned out, they taught me a lot about making mistakes with ceramics and really helped me get confident with my process. honestly it was way easier than my typical sculpture work, cause i already have a ton of experience with the 2D aspects of these designs, while i still have a lot to learn about sculpting even after almost three years of working with clay :3 the loss of detail in the snake's foliage is still disheartening but hell! every piece ive ever made has disappointed me and it only keeps me creating. someday i WILL make something perfect with my own two hands. and no amount of bad glaze choices along the way can fucking stop me.

oh also- the fish & snake plates both have meaning and feature specific species (i just wanted to carve wings into the other plate lol, not too much symbolism there) so take a crack at analyzing them and guessing the species if u wanna!

[nhasablogg]

Tickle fics

Fandom: Red, White and Royal Blue

Characters: Henry/Alex

Summary: Alex reads a tickle fic about them aloud and Henry is having a totally chill reaction to it.

A/N: Soooo I do admit not a lot of tickling happens in this one (if any?). It's more of those fics with (the concept of) tickling that I love writing. BUT if you're nice maybe I will write you a sequel with the thing Alex mentions toward the end ;) Actually I probably WILL write it either way, although maybe I won't have the fics be connected. I hope you like this regardless!

Words. 1.2k

Alex finds it funny, and Henry likes watching him giggle over the phone, but, respectfully, Henry is about to die if he keeps it up.

Gripping the pillow he’s fighting against covering his face with, he tries to keep his features neutral, the opposite of Alex’s animated movements. He’s all hands and expressions, all laughter and voices. Maybe it’s Henry’s silence over the voice Alex has chosen to adopt each time Henry’s character speaks - too high pitched, not even the right British accent - that finally makes him look up from the phone, eyebrow raised, sentence dying at the tip of his tongue. “You don’t like this story?”

“It’s a great story.”

“But you’re barely reacting.”

“I was simply just enchanted by the descriptions. You know-” He sits up straighter, eyes on the back of Alex’s phone. “My interpretation of the story relies on how you read it to me. What words you choose to emphasize. What tone you adopt.”

“So you’re saying the way I’m reading is boring.”

“Not at all.”

“Hmm. Okay, look.” He shoves the phone in Henry’s face. “Read this.”

All Henry sees is giggle and tickles and it makes him want to scream. “Okay.”

“Read it aloud. I wanna see how you’d read it.” He leans back, grinning at him. “Since apparently I’m not a good narrator.”

“Oh my god, Alex, that’s not what I meant. I simply thought it was an interesting observation which was entirely on topic by the way-”

“You’re trying to get out of this.”

“I am not-”

“So read.”

They’ve done this before. Henry has never cared about the world of fanfiction, which Alex finds interesting since he is a man of letters and stories. Alex, on the other hand, was looking up fanfiction about the two of them the very moment they started sleeping together, sending him links and screenshots with lewd emojis. It was only after they became official that he started reading them aloud to him, sometimes as a joke, sometimes to see what Henry thought of certain, uh, activities. Henry has never called him out on it, mostly because it’s been quite effective.

“Look,” he said earlier that evening, tapping Henry on the arm. “I found a tickle fic of us.”

Henry nearly broke his own neck from how quickly he turned toward him. “S-sorry?”

Alex took his spluttering in the wrong way and nodded eagerly. “I know! Apparently that’s a thing. Listen to this.” He cleared his throat. “This is in the middle of the fic, it doesn’t start like this. Henry managed to call out a panicked, “No!” before Alex had switched spots, fingers curling over the area and making Henry howl with laughter, much different than June’s quiet pleading, but nowhere near Alex’s yelling. I don’t yell by the way. Also it’s a little weird that June’s in here. But oh my god, I need to read you the whole thing, it’s glorious. It’s about me compiling a list about my favorite things about you and putting you being ticklish on there, which I guess is kinda true. The author’s this weirdo called N-”

Henry grips the phone tighter now, scanning the screen. “Where did you stop?”

“About here.” Alex points and Henry tries to breathe.

“‘I should pin you before you fall off,’ he said, and Henry positively whined- I don’t whine.”

Alex waves his hand. “You do. Keep reading.”

“‘You liked that?’ ‘Let go of me, you brute.’”

“It does kinda sound like you, doesn’t it?” Alex has his cheek pressed to Henry’s shoulder, eyes on the phone. He can probably feel the heat radiating off of him and Henry tries to calm down, he really really does. “You’re certainly just as ticklish. Not sure if you like it when I tickle you, though.” He turns to grin at him, all cheeky innocence and Henry deserves a prize for the way he doesn’t look away.

“Right.” The prize should promptly be taken from him due to the way his voice wavers.

Alex sits up, as if he only just now realizes how not chill Henry has been during this entire interaction. “Wait, do you?”

“No.”

“Baby.”

It’s so unfair when Alex baby’s him. “I don’t.”

To Alex’s credit he seems to be trying very hard not to smile now. “You’re blushing.”

“It’s very hot in here.”

“Come to think of it, you’ve been blushing this entire time.”

“I have not.”

“Did you write this fic?”

“What? No!”

“But it’s not far off, is it? You don’t mind when I tickle you.”

Henry finally covers his face with that stupid pillow. “Please god, what did I do to deserve this.”

Alex is laughing as he pulls at the pillowcase. “Come on, don’t hide. It’s cute. I swear I didn’t pick this fic to embarrass you. I hadn’t connected the dots until literally just now.”

“There are no dots.” Henry gives up on the pillow and lets Alex take it. “This fic is simply not good.”

“Oh, come on now.” Alex makes a move as if to touch him and thinks better of it. “You almost never protest when I tickle you. You always seem to be in a better mood afterward. You don’t have to be into it or anything to not mind it.”

Henry whines - stupid N being right - and shuts his eyes. “I- okay, fine, I don’t fully mind it. Not when you do it.”

“Baby, that’s so cute.”

“I will literally murder you.”

“Tell me.” Alex is suddenly closer. Henry can feel his breath at his neck, but he refuses to open his eyes. “Did it do something to you to hear me read that fic?”

“Alex-”

“Did you enjoy it? I certainly like watching you squirm.”

Henry opens his eyes and Alex is right there. “I won’t answer that.” A breath, and, “You already know the answer.”

“Oh, that I do.” A fingertip on Henry’s thigh. Henry imagines it moving further in, touching his most delicate skin. He rarely allows himself to think this - shame and guilt always gripping him - but sometimes, when he’s alone in bed or has Alex sleeping beside him, he imagines what it would be like to fully lose control to teasing fingers.

He’s never thought this fantasy will play out. He doesn’t know how to approach it now.

But Alex is there, so certain with it. So nonjudgmental.

“Tell me,” he says now, finger still but still touching. “What would you want me to do to you, if you could have me do anything? Pin you? Tie you up? Tickle you so gently you nearly scream? Or maybe you’re more into the playfulness of it. Maybe you like it when I’m quick and brief.”

“I don’t know what I like.” It wasn’t a lie.

“Oh. Well.” Alex grins, all teeth and glee. “Maybe one of those fics can help us figure it out. Combined with some experimentation, of course.���

Henry doesn’t know if he should curse N out or thank her. Maybe both.

[mynqzo]

my insane batshit gritty semi-realistic sapphic reimagining of barbie and the three musketeers

okay so many people were confused on if that last drawing of mine was just an oc named barbie or whatever but im here to tell you no! its my insane reimagining of the corinne in the movie barbie and the three musketeers, but sapphic and insane. so today I’m going to dump on you my insane reimagining of barbie and the three musketeers in a semi realistic gritty setting where they’re all sapphic and when they become musketeers they instead work to overthrow the monarchy. this is not a joke I've been thinking about this for months. like i will take alexandre dumas legacy and make it so gay and barbie.

okay so first things I thought of were weapons and such and what they could be replaced with in this setting cause most of the characters have things like ribbons and fans as weapons (and while that's so slay and I love that/never want that to change in the movie, I wanna make it semi-realistic in this gritty reimagining). so corinne’s weapon in the movie is a rapier so we’re keeping that. viveca has those two long ribbons (I’m sure they have a name but I forgot them sobs) and I think in my head she would have a two whips instead, whip dual wielder ohooo. renée has a slingshot (honestly so lame of the movie to give her that) and in my head she has a musket or pistol. aramina has two fans and I think replacing those with daggers would be really swag. and just to be clear all the characters in this version are aged up to be in their late twenties to early thirties.

for corinne, the story will follow the traditional ‘the three musketeers’ storyline but instead corinne is actively held back by her mother from going to paris and becoming a musketeer because her mother believes she’ll fall into the same fate as her father did and die. so she instead sneaks out because she feels like if she became a successful musketeer she could establish a comfortable life for her mother. in my head she's kind of like a cocky playboy kinda character where she's a little full of herself but has a lot of drive to find out what happened to her father and how he came to pass but also to succeed so she can take care of her mother better. like she's essentially the person who would ask you to fence shirtless because she wants to prove that she doesn't need armour.

for aramina I feel like her concept of a hopeless romantic can be made more complex if added with religious calling like for aramis in the original three musketeers. like she has a deeply religious upbringing but she cant stop falling in love with people and getting into trouble about it and it especially shows when she meets corinne and the others and; you guessed it, falls in love with them too. a nice mix of guilt and romance. she could have been a faithful follower of the church and been a nun but fell in love with one of the nuns and was caught and therefore shunned and punished, but she kept doing it again and again and her behavior became too obnoxious for the church to allow so they kicked her out, and she’s still plagued by this guilt while also wanting to follow her heart. she essentially ended up as a maid because her church rejected her and her family refused to take her back in on account of her sinning (rip) so she's essentially trying to find purpose in life while also overcoming this insane guilt she's carrying with her for her own desires.

renée’s story in my head follows that of a noble who then became a street musician and eventual musketeer. in the original musketeer story, athos was married to milady de winter [who was the villain] and attempted to kill her after discovering she was a criminal and then he became a drunkard about it because it made him so sad. for renée, she could have been married to a wealthy man that her family arranged her to marry but he was like, a bad guy and wasn’t really nice to her etc and also was a criminal on the run, so she tried to kill him because she was sick of his shit but her kill attempt ended up with her being fought off by him and excommunicated by her and his family (because they dont know he’s a criminal) so she ended up as a street musician and that lead to her being a maid in the palace and you know the drill.

viveca, the same as was in the movie and book as porthos, loves fashion and clothing and is always dressed super dapper and i feel like this could easily make her be a seamstress in the palace who directly works with the royal family when it comes to making them garments (alongside being a maid). she would know the internal workings of the royal family and be the person who could spy on the politics of everything the easiest out of everyone. i feel like she can put up a facade very well with the royal family where she can act like she’s totally into what theyr doing and not totally planning to go against them at any point like at all.

essentially they work for the palace as maids, one way or another, and do all the shenanigans of protecting the prince from getting assassinated by snooping around and whatnot only for them to turn around and be the people who go out of their way to assassinate the prince because they quickly realize that he’s kind of a shit head. they essentially side with the group of people planning the assassination which leads them into meeting a group of rebels and people who protest the royal family. there’s this journey to realize that the true villain of the story is renée ex husband she tried to super kill who became an advisor to the prince and king after the assassination attempt (and the old advisor was kicked to the curb). so the ex-husband is now doing evil whispery advisor nonsense where he’s trying to convince the prince that the musketeers all are actually planning his assassination (even if its true like how dare you sir ex-husband) and that he should execute them publicly and then provided a bunch of false evidence to ‘prove’ (like its True they do wanna take down the prince but like yknow). and its like a whole thing. during this all they all fall in love and form a sapphic polycule and its complicated and nasty and oof.

thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[killakalx]

kal it’s me it’s 😵‍💫 and i have been STEWING on this. the concept is so clear in my head but trying to convey it in words is killing me. just imagine dick, who claims that baby making — though his favourite activity — isn’t what he wants. he’s only just beginning to process the horrors of his own childhood, the last thing he wants is to bring a child into the world. not yet, at least. despite all that, when he’s balls deep in you, the mere suggestion of pulling out has him forcefully turning your face away to hide the scowl it prompted. like, i just have such vivid image of dick getting a little mean about it, and you’re gonna have to walk w me here kal. it’s not like he actually wants to put a baby in you, but the urge he has to mark you inside and out is feral and all consuming. dick, who wants to pull out, but swears up and down that your pussy is begging to be filled up. “see? she’s crying for it,” and he says this as he slows down, torturously slow strokes dragging out the sound of the sticky recoil that follows every time he pushes in. “wanna pull out, but this slutty pussy jus’ keeps pulling me back in,” he’d say it like he’s amazed. you’re not opposed to him cumming inside, but he spends so much time babbling and talking himself up to it — justifying it. there is so much more to be said but i fear i’m not sane enough to try and express them.

— 😵‍💫

there is a lot more to be said ml. my first fic for dick on this acc was pretty similar to this, him trying so hard not to fill you up just for you to clamp around his cock, pulling him right back in. but he’s a lot softer in thst drabble. the meanie in him is probably gonna justify and project it on you. pulling your head down and forcing you to look at the way your pussy sucks him inside, the way your thighs and his pelvis are drenched in your cum and slick. “you want it just as bad, don’t you- you want me to fuck you full, pretty girl?” does it count as manipulation if you do???? “‘course you want it, sweetheart, she’s crying for it.” ughhh giving the pussy pronouns n talking to her is so hot. now he’s got you gushing around the base of his cock while he buries himself inside you. takes forever to pull out just so he can look at his cum leak out of you and watch you jolt when he pushes it back inside.

then he’s apologizing and heading out for plan b. bless his heart