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justarandomgirly · 2 years

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People treat me like a kid.

Im in my early 30s. Ive been working since graduation, supporting myself, making my own money,no husband of boyfriend helping me pay my bills.

I am a nurse. Ive seen shit. People died in front of me. I was resuscitating. Ive cleaned shit off people's asses. I have already some health problems.

Yet people treat me like a kid, I just slightly mention Ihave backpain and they go like "from what?" as if young person in their 30s had to be like a robot who is capable of working 24/7,

they force to me eat stuff I dont want, like when Im at a party or some family gathering or work meeting and there is food, I say I dont like that food, but they keep going like "try it youll like it" what am i 5 years old????? You think i cant make my own decision???? Maybe i already ate it and thats how i know i hate it? I even told once i cant eat seashells cos I'll get sick abd those people said "thats nonsense i eat them and im fine"

I dont think that needs commentary. THEY are fine eating them so i must be too. And they force me to try the food, from all sides, like im 5 year old, ive even had people throw that stuff on my plate.

And im trying to say politely to them I dont wanna eat it. Until i literaly explode and say "stop! Im not eating it!" And guess what? Im the bad guy then cos Im shouting and they "just wanted for me to try it". Again. Few even ignored when I mentioned I had allergy.

When Im quiet around someone, just being on my phone, minding my own business or going thru a magazine, I dont wanna talk to anyone cos Im introvert and I hate people, people always try to start convo with me, they are uncapable of reading my body language, that I clearly dont wanna be bothered, they ask me annoying completely useless questions,

and this one even once said (coworker, to another coworker) that I refused to talk to them. Refused? Bitch nobody asked you to start a convo with me. I was minding my own business on my phone, you were the one uncapable to stay quiet.

And if I do talk to people and casualy mention my backpain or something, I am told "from what? Youre young". So why should I talk to people if i get no understanding, just mockery and being put down? Yeah sure. Im 32 and I lay in my bed all day and money pours into my bank account itself.

Or at a family gathering. I go to kitchen cos idk sauce is still not cooked so I go and start preparing it. And some older female relative comes and stands beside me and immediately starts lecturing me how to cook it. As if i didnt know! Im not cooking for the first time! At least if i was doing it wrong but im not! Im roasting onion and that relative starts telling me what to do with it next. Why????? I know what im supposed to do! And btw i brought some food that i cooked and its already on the table and they all love it. So logically if i can make the pork so delicious I CAN COOK A FUCKING SAUCE!

I am a child to people. Despite my age and making my own money with noone's help.

Then they all wonder why I dont go to their birthdays and why I dont visit them etc.

And as i said its not only relatives. Its collegues, patients, everyone. Cos I did have some patients asking for older nurse when I was going to change their catheter.

Fuck people. Fuck everyone.

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kiefbowl · 4 years

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Hi, im 23 and my boyfriend is 44. We've been together for just over a year and have been good together, we have open communication and mutual respect. I guess I'm just wondering, in your opinion, because I respect you and value your thought processes, if its still wrong or predatory? I love him very much, he seems to love me too. Am I being naive?

Thank you for the appreciation. I’d like to put a caveat up front that I can’t know what your relationship looks like, and the only one who knows what it’s like and how healthy it is is you. Additionally, a relationship can have healthy qualities and unhealthy qualities, and good people can have a bad relationship. Healthy parts doesn’t mean the whole is good.

No, I don’t think you’re being naive. I don’t think there’s any value judgement to attach to a 23 year old entering a relationship with a 44 year old. It does make my eyebrows raise. I find it extremely difficult to believe a 44 year old and a 23 year old have a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship. I don’t think it’s impossible for large age gaps to exist in a healthy relationships necessarily, but when it happens with someone in their 20s, that rings alarm bells to me. Your 20s are still formative years, and it can be hard to see that while you’re living them. There’s a lot of growth you’re going to do before you turn 30. Your career probably hasn’t really taken root yet, your earning potential is going to (probably) increase (maybe even very drastically at some point), you probably don’t really own a lot of stuff and the stuff you own is most likely not all that important to you or of good quality, you’re still young enough to be under your parents insurance, your credit is likely not that great (not that it’s bad, but age of credit lines is a big factor in your credit score), among other admin things that might not seem that big of a deal but do help you form an identity. When I was 23, my responsibility as a consumer was nonexistent because I was poor, at points unemployed, at points living at home...it’s only in the past few years I could start challenging myself to live up to my values and a sense of character that’s important to me as a consumer because I can move around the world more freely. It comes with money, but also career position. So that’s one aspect of being 23...

The other aspect of being 23 is you are very, very, very young, and even without a lot of money it can be very fun to be very, very, very young. It can be a lot of fun being older, too. I’m not old, by any means, but from this point in my life looking forward I’m much more excited to get older than I was at 23. At 23 I dreaded it because it felt like I was running out of time to be young. You get older and you learn to accept it and you realize how much in your life can change in a short time and you realize there’s wisdom, position, and status to gain in each decade of your life. Obviously, not every one is fortunate and not everyone is going to have increasing good fortune as they age, but regardless of what you make or do, you learn and grow as you get older, and I think it’s easier to appreciate as your enter your 30s. So don’t worry about getting older, but let me tell you 23 is FUN.

23 was also the worst year of my life. I couldn’t afford chicken nuggets. But my friends and I were also working a crummy starbucks job that gave me almost no responsibility. I would wake up at 11, smoke weed and eat cereal, watch netflix, walk to work, work 2:30 - 11, then go out to a bar with my friends and eat cheap wings until 2 am, go home and play with my cat and go to bed literally whenever in an apartment with no furniture to take care of. I’d be off on a random weekday and grab another random friend who was off to go on day trip in their shitty car to Milwaukee for the hell of it, or go take a long walk on the beach listening to music all day, or go downtown and go to a museum on a discount day because no one was there, or ride my bike in the summer sun to nowhere in particular in the middle of the day because people were at work, and then come back home and do fuck all. Then I’d do it all again, plus steal croissants from work and drink endless coffee all day. And it didn’t matter, I could wake up the next day energized. Yes, I was stressed out, and I didn’t always appreciate the joy that can be found in that life because of it also sucked ass, but the energy and fortitude you have as a young 20 something is a beautiful thing to live through. I wouldn’t go back to that life now having the space I’ve made myself in the world, but I love thinking back to it and I’m glad it happened. I had to work really really hard to carve my little place in the world (and I’m not done yet!!), but there was a moment right before I hit the pavement to make that happen where my life felt endless, fresh, uninhibited, palpable. 23 has a different freedom than 30 for me. Money allows me to move in the world freely at 30, time allowed me to move in the world freely at 23. At 23, you can do dumb things, party, hang out, be lazy, be reckless, make quick decisions, change your mind...and it’s good, not bad. It’s learning, and it’s fun. It’s celebration, and it gives you hard lessons worth learning.

A relationship is a lot of responsibility, and it can take the place of some of that youthful freedom. That’s not always a bad thing, love can be very fulfilling. When you’re strapped for cash, it can also be financially helpful. Two 20-somethings joining forces can get each other on their feet to be independent at a time it’s a struggle to do it alone. You’re in the same boat, you have the same struggle. But a 44 year old isn’t experiencing life the same way you are. And believe me, 44 year olds know that. A litmus test to to your bf’s intentions might be how he talks about that fact. Does it ever come up? Does he speak about it freely? Does he laud it over you or do you share experiences with each other like companions?

This isn’t the only factor to consider when trying to figure out if your bf is “predatory” in your words. Who your boyfriend may be and his intentions aren’t the only thing to consider when you want to figure out if you should be in a relationship with him. Who YOU are is equally important. I don’t know a 23 year old who wasn’t different the very next year. I don’t know a 24 year old who wasn’t different the very next year. I don’t know a 25 year old who wasn’t different the very next year. Maybe that’s true for every year, but the differences between my life one year to the next between 20 - 26 were striking. I walked out on two jobs when I had nothing in my bank account simply because “fuck this”....this year I was terrified to lose my job because what about my retirement fund. I work for “the man” now when 6 years ago I caused a mass walk out at work. I’m probably not going to have a radically different life next year. That wasn’t true of my early 20s. The switch from “my life is a mess but it can be anything” to “next year I should start a will and keep care of my assets” happens quicker than you think. Is he letting you live that life right now? Is he encouraging it? Believe me, you can be a mess at any age (and it can be a fun mess, too), and you aren’t old at 30 or even 40 or honestly even 50, you’re just not as tided to things in your 20s. Is he clipping your wings to be kept, or is he letting you fly recklessly into the sun just so you can see how far is too far? You just can’t get 23 back. It’s a lot harder to crash and burn and then pop back up without a scratch after your 20s. Does he want to crash and burn with you? Will he even let you without him? Does he know if you go out into the world young and messy you might learn a lesson or two that makes won’t make him appealing to you anymore? Is his love coming from a place where he wants you to thrive by your own mistakes? Is he excited to watch you walk out the door to take on a new day blind but fearless, just so you can come home and tell him the adventure you took and how it changed you? Or does he find that childish, exhausting, unfitting? Does he want to see you grow into “his” adulthood? Does he need you to fit into his established life more than he wants to live and work beside your unestablished life? I couldn’t even date someone younger with your age difference. They would be 8. But would I tell an 8 year old not to learn to ride a bike because I can just give them a ride in my car, or would I tell them it’s worth learning even though I know they’re going to scratch their knees up? If I loved an 8 year old, I know to see them thrive they have to scratch their knees up a little and I can’t get in the way of it, or they might not learn to ride their bike to take long rides in the summer sun.

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nastyburger · 4 years

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Okay but how did the first meeting tm go between all of the dannyverse tm. Did danny b just show up at danny’s school and go ‘hey im the new sub’? Did dex try and go home for a hot sec? Did SAM try and go home/ to tucker’s place? Did tucker try and go to his house/ danny’s place?? I have questions

the initial meeting period, which i like to call “the search” takes place over like two days, each character having having a different amount of time they spent in the canon universe in reference to “the portal surge” as we’ll call it

(this ended up being really long so im putting it under a read more for everyones sake lol)

dex pops in at the same time as the surge, so hes really been in the canon dimension for like 30? 40 minutes tops? until he finds the trio. he knows immediately hes not in his home (his amity is a lot more advanced with tech) and distinctly remembers being sucked into some sort of portal, so being the smart cookie he is reasonably infers parallel universe and sets out to find answers. he flies around in his mech (invisibly) until he hones in on an ecto signature clearly reading halfa in a crowd. whether its vlad or someone else, dex figures that a halfa was probably his best bet for help so he puts on his hoodie with hood up and slips into the crowd. (the mech is close behind but remains hidden and follows dex around until its needed)

he actually initially bumps into danny by mistake while searching (”oops sorry” / ”sorry, its fine i wasnt looking”) before taking a double take and going “wait that dude has my face??? hold on is he the halfa signature im tracking???” and runs after them. he catches up after they leave the crowd and are in a less populated area and grabs danny’s arm, startling everyone, and essentially going “wait, you’re a halfa right? possibly named danny fenton??” which effectively sends everyone into panic mode until dex pulls his hood down to show he has danny’s exact face and says “can you please help me???”. this panic morphs into full blown freak out.

they eventually calm down though, and set to sort this out. this was around late afternoon.

danny b was launched into a few days before the surge, and was actually dropped a little outside of amity. at first he thought he had been sent into the past, but seeing a news story in a tv store display and seeing a 14 year old danny phantom with white hair and green eyes effectively shuts down his idea. basically has a john mulaney “adult life as a half ghost is already so weird, this might as well happen” moment in a parking lot and moves on trying to find this alt version of himself for help on how to get home.

it was a little tough for him in those few days, he doesnt carry cash and his bank account for his debit wouldnt exist, so he went hungry for a bit (probably used his ghost powers to steal some food when he got desperate) and slept on a couple park benches and all that. its a little sad really.

eventually, after days of wandering around, his ghost sense goes off as he passes a park and sees a group of 4 kids huddled together. its starting to get a little dark out by this point. danny b approaches the gang movie peter b style: from behind, somewhat ominously with his hand outstretch, with the declaration of “hey, kids....” and dex stranger danger panics and electrocutes him with his robot arm. he passes out.

the kids assess the situation, dex being able to read that danny b is a halfa (”how many of you guys is there supposed to be in this universe?” / ”only vlad and me as far as i know.”) and tucker pointing out that he kinda looks like danny if you imagine the hair black (”great, its ANOTHER version of danny like we dont have enough of those”). afterwards, they take everyone to fenton works, canon trio through the door and dex easily sneaking in with unconscious DB.

once danny b wakes up (in his childhood room nonetheless which is a little disorienting), he immediately takes refuge in canon danny’s shower, also taking the time to shave and eat whatevers in the fridge. the trio are a bit weirded out by this older danny, especially when hes on his 4th pudding cup and eating it like a rabid animal (”do NOT judge me its been a hard few days”). but they more or less get used to him, especially when he proves to be a pretty cool guy. once DB’s basic necessities were taken care of, they start to form a plan of action.

the first step they decide on is finding any other stranded interdimensional people. lucky for them, dex locks in on 2 other halfa signatures in the general area. they set out to search the next day.

mourner and ghouly are found almost simultaneously. dex tracks them down immediately and determines that one is flying through the air as a ghost and the other is in human form on the ground. the group splits up with danny looking for the full ghost, db partnered with sam to sniff out the human form one, and tucker staying with dex in the mech (everyone communicating through fenton phones).

danny finds mourner (”i think i found.....a sam? as a ghost?”) and needless to say that first encounter doesnt go well. mourner popped up a couple hours after the surge while it was nighttime, so she spent most of the night flying around trying to figure stuff out but not garnering a lot of information with the world asleep. seeing danny just makes her instantly hostile thinking its another weird ghost trick so she starts blasting and they duke it out for a bit. she really only stops until dex and tucker show up in the mech and reveal themselves does she realize “okay different versions of people i know, this is weird but its not a ghost manipulating me by puppeteering my dead friend around i guess”. she calms down and joins the group.

ghouly is easily the smoothest encounter, the gang has gone through this enough already to not freak out over it. most reaction would probably be mild amazement and typical confusion (”oh wow its a goth sam and........an older danny? with red hair?” / “we found a different version of tucker, i guess he’s a halfa”) ghouly just doesnt have as much reason to panic as much here. he got launched into this dimension at the same time as dex (the moment the surge happen) but was more or less lost and wandering around since his gps and technology didnt seem to have signal. he didnt sleep overnight so he’s running a bit on empty but bought an energy drink and sandwich earlier that morning (he carries cash) so he hasnt gone full homeless mode like danny b did.

while his initial reaction/meet up with the others were definitely the least weird and confusing, ghouly probably does stare at canon danny a little too much to the point where its a bit awkward. (”sorry its just so weird not seeing you wear black and also i still find you really cute and grappling with whether or not this is considered cheating if youre like the same person”)

#Anonymous #dannyverse au #seance

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thetierdslytherin · 4 years

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The Avatar’s sister pt.2

Bolin x reader

this is a continuation of the avatar’s sister and it’s also based off of season 1 eipsode 2 of lok

2.2k words

I'm woken in the morning by an incessant knocking on my door. I try to ignore it by pulling a pillow over my head but after the knocking doesn't stop I'm forced to get up and answer the door “what!” I throw the door open coming face to face with.“Korra! You better have a good reason for getting me up before the sun is up.” I cross my arms standing in the doorway waiting for her explanation

“I do! I have training in 30 minutes and you know Tenzin's rule I can't leave unless your with me so we gotta go so I can be on time, get dressed” Korra pushes me out of the way entering my room “come right inthen” I say sarcastically shutting my door following her to my closet as she goes through it throwing clothes in my direction “Now get dressed and cleaned up. We don’t have a lot of time. Plus the sooner we get there the sooner you get to see Bolin” My heart beats a little faster at the mention of Bolin as I change into some of my water tribe clothes then brush my teeth and fix my y/h/c hair into a braid.

“Well even Bolin isn't enough to make me move fast this early in the morning and I just met the guy. Besides you only to see Mako” I tease as we head out of the building to the shore “Korra i’m well aware i'm not your mother or in charge of you but please be careful I don't want to see you get hurt”

“psh y/n i'm gonna be fine your making a big deal out of this”

I sigh and stop walking, Korra stopping with me. I look into her eyes before saying “Korra I know guys like Mako, i've dated too many guys like him I just don't want you to get hurt”

“Yeah well maybe you just start minding your own business like you said you're not my mother and you're sure as hell not in charge of me so let me live my life for once!”Well,That could have gone better. We spent the rest of our journey in silence only speaking when we ordered breakfast. Maybe I am being too controlling. Korra deserves to live her own life and make her own mistakes. But we did just meet the brothers yesterday and know literally nothing about them. But I know Korra and if I push the issue any more she’ll just cut me out of her life until she's over it.

“Your late” Mako doesn't even turn to look at us when we enter.

“Okay yeah true but we brought food so lets call it even then?”

I move to one of the tables setting their food down “yeah Mako look at this y/n was nice enough to bring us food so let's just take a break and enjoy the food” Bolin says starting to make his way over

“ we haven't even started yet so let's not. C’mon on Bo, Korra we have a lot of training to get through” The three of them run through drills for the better part of an hour before moving to the cool downs.

“What's the big idea making me train this early in the morning? The morning is evil” okay dramatic much Korra? The three of them move into a triangle passing a weighted ball around.

“Were the rookies so we get the worst time slot in the gym” Bolin passes the ball to Mako

“And you're the rookiest of us all, we gotta get you up to speed if we want to survive in the tournament deal with it!” he passes to Korra

“You deal with it” she passes the ball back to Mako sending him flying backwards

“Children, children can you please not hurt each other this early in the morning. Alright let's not make this any more unbearable then it has to be” I pass by them to check on Mako and other than a sour look on his face he seems perfectly fine.

Bolin pipes up “uh y/n not that i'm not happy to see you I really am it's just why are you here? you're not on the team?”

I glanced at Korra and said, “you didn't tell them?” she shakes her head I guess she just thought I would “tenzin's one condition for her joining the team. Wherever she goes I go so that means you're stuck with me, pretty boy. and you too mako… I guess” I go moving to stand by Korra.

“There are my hard working street urchins, it's an honor to finally meet you avatar” a muscly man in his mid thirties approaches us.

“And you are?” Korra says crossing her arms.alright then just go ahead and pretend like i'm not even here.

“Butaka I run this whole pro bending shabang. Anyways here your winnings from the match” Mako goes to pocket the cash but before he can Butaka stops him.

“First you owe me for the avatars new gear, gym and equipment rentals for last month, rent on your apartment, and a personal loan on groceries” By the time he's done there no cash left. Is it always like this for them?

“Oh uh one more item of business the Fire Ferrets need to ante up 30,000 yuans for the championship pot” Damn ok that's more than I make for 6 months at my job and the brothers definitely don't have that kind of money just lying around.How are they gonna come up with it?

“30,000 yuans!” My thoughts exactly Bolin

“Sorry kids you have till the end of the week to pay or your out” with that final statement Butaka leaves along with the fire ferrets chances of playing in the championship.

“The two of you wouldn't happen to have a secrets bank account filled with gold would you?” Mako and Bolin look at us with hopeful eyes

“No sorry boys I mean I have some money I could pitch in but not 30,000 yuans”

“I've got nothing. I've never really needed money, I've always had someone taking care of me” Korra shrugs, giving a small smile.

“Then I wouldn't say you've had nothing then” Makos words carries no venom though, just distant sadness packing up his gear throwing it into a duffle bag.

“I'm sorry I didn't mean-” “no its alright its just ever since we lost our parents we've been on our own” Bolin says giving Korra a sad smile shuffling towards us

“Bolin, I'm so sorry that you had to go through it” I put my hand on his shoulder trying to offer some sort of comfort.

“So anyway how are we gonna come up with the money?”

“Ooh ooh I got it. I've been training pabu to do circus tricks now people would pay good money to see that” Bolin raises pabu into the air twirling him once.

“C'mon bolin we need serious ideas” the smile immediately falls from bolins face and I can't help but stand up for him “that is a serious idea Mako. When we first came from the water tribe I know I would've paid to see pabu perform”

“ don't worry about it, I'll figure it out. I always do” and after that Mako walks out of the training room presumably to ‘figure it out’.

“Hey korra why don't you head on back to the island bolin and I are gonna hang out for a little bit” he looks at me confused“we are?” I give him a nod “we are”.

“Yeah okay y/n just don't stay out too late you know how Tenzin gets” I give her a smile and a ‘of course’ then it’s just bolin and I left.

“So Bolin, how about you show me some of pabus tricks and you help me eat the rest of breakfast that Korra and I brought?” “um yeah but can i get a quick shower first im kinda gross?”

“Only if you let me join you.” spirits his eyes almost bugged out of his head at my comment stammering to get an answer out before I take mercy on him “i’m teasing you Bo”

He clears his throat “right right yeah totally know that” That leads me to where I am right now Bolin and I on their couch eating cold pastries.

“Hey Bolin” he pauses his eating for a second to look at me “why don't you tell me something about you. I mean we basically know nothing about each other except our shared love of pro bending and food” he looks thoughtful for a moment “Pshh not true” I shoot him a look saying ‘you sure about that’

“Well I know you're a waterbender and that you have a sister and where you live...and that sounds way creepier than I meant it. I just mean you know you live with Tenzin who lives on air temple island not like I've been stalking you because that would be weird...” i've noticed he does this thing whenever he's embarrassed he’ll scrunch his whole face up for a second and start playing with his hands, which he's doing right now

“Well okay but I don't know any of the important stuff” I say leaning in propping my chin on my hand

“What's the ‘important stuff?’”

“Like your favorite color. You know a person's favorite color will tell you a lot about them”

“Whoa hey now you just stepped over a line. I can't possibly tell you that” we make eye contact bursting out laughing at the notion.

“ok fine I don't really have a favorite color” he scratches the back of his neck giving me a half smile

“well maybe instead of telling me your favorite color you tell me about your parents” after seeing the look in Bolins eyes I quickly backtrack “you don't have to though I imagine it's a touchy subject I was just curious” he sighs setting his food down turning to me

“no it’s not that it’s just not a very fun story to tell” he takes a deep breathe grounding himself “when Mako was 7 and I was 5 we were at home with our parents one night and a fire bender broke in trying to steal from us… he killed them right in front of us y/n, after that it was just mako and I. It's been that way ever since” he looks down trying in vain to keep me from seeing the tears in his eyes. I grab his hand running my thumb over his knuckles.

“Hey bolin why don't we go and set up for pabu to do his tricks” he glances at me “we could set it up under fire lord zuko's statute?” he laughs wiping the tears from his eyes

“yeah y/n that sounds perfect”

We're both sitting on the base of zuko's statue on a carpet with two cups and a plank for pabu to walk on.Bolin and pabu have matching get ups and bolin has a fake mustache. while I sit beside Bolin bending water into different shapes to amuse myself. “Come one come all see pabu the fantasstic fire ferret as he crosses the ladder of peril upside down” Pabu then crosses the plank and flips landing on one paw which i'll admit is cute but not 30,000 yuans cute. “Thank you folks you are too kind too kind” Bolin says as a man passes by dropping 1 yuan into the cup.

Bolin looks a little upset by how far we still have to go “Hey Bolin look its a start you don't have to get all the money yourself i'd be happy to pitch in and i'm sure mako found a way to make some money” he sighs “yeah i'm sure mako has” that's the problem isn't it? I bet bolin is tired of his brother always solving his problems or better yet being the one who gets them out of ruts.

“Hey bolin is that you?” I Look up to see a well dressed man with urban water tribe clothes on getting out of his sato mobile

“oh hey shady shin” he waves at the man and I urgently whisper to bolin “by any chance is this leader of the triple threat triads shady shin?”

“mhmm”

Wow since when did bolin run with gangsters? “I hear you're a big time pro bender now. Not bad.Anyways lighting bolt zolt is looking to hire some extra muscle”

“I don't know shin Mako told me to stay away from the triple threats”

“it's just some security work nothing crooked” he pulls out a fat wad of cash and throws it in Bolin’s cup he's about to agree before I cut him off before he can agree “double it and were both in i'm a water bender and a healer plus i'm good at ‘security work”

“Alright kid deal don't make me regret it” he puts another was of cash in the cup “now let's get going” Bolin and I follow him and get in the back of his sato mobile. What a mistake that was.

#bolin x reader #bolin x y/n #bolin x you #bolin #mako #mako x reader #legend of korra #korra #lok

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lindalevanimamm · 4 years

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Reality- Chapter 13

Tomorrow is the first RFA party that I organized. I had begun working on it a few weeks ago, it’s going to be a small party. It’s small mostly because the organization hasn’t gotten big yet, so we’re having to make new connections. I’m nervous about it. I worked really hard to get people to come, and planned it all, so I can only hope that it will be a success. Saeyoung has still been on edge about the agency being here, but nothing has happened. There’s been so sign of any of them. I’ve been doing my best to comfort him about it, but he can’t shake the feeling that something is going to happen. From what he’s told me, the agency is not good and they’ve caused him a lot of trauma. I’m trying to prepare for the party tomorrow, by relaxing.

I’m not good at it, but I’ve got the bath water going and face masks prepared. I turned the water off and threw in a bath bomb and bubbles. I then grabbed a face mask and applied it before getting in the water. It was warm, and nice. I turned on some music and listened. I quickly grew bored. How do girls just chill in a bath for so long? It was relaxing for a whole 5 minutes, but now I’m bored. Thankfully, I heard my phone go off from the other side of the bathroom. I carefully got up, and reached across for it, trying to stay in the bath. I got water absolutely everywhere, but I managed to grab my phone. Thank God this bathroom isn’t huge. I got comfortable and unlocked my phone.

Saeyoung: heyy are you ready for tomorrow?

(Y/N): I’m getting ready

Saeyoung: what does that mean?

(Y/N): it means I’m trying to relax by taking a bath, but I’m bored already

Saeyoung: *blushing emoji*

Saeyoung: so I probably shouldn’t hack into your phone to see you?

(Y/N): I will hurt you and never talk to you again perv

Saeyoung: I’m kidding!

Saeyoung: you doing a face mask and everything?

I sighed and took a selfie, making sure only my face showed. I’m not comfortable with that kind of stuff yet, but a selfie sure.

(Y/N): *selfie*

Saeyoung: aawww my little ghost

(Y/N): aww my stupid boyfriend who threatens to hack my phone when im in the bath

Saeyoung: :(

(Y/N): :)

(Y/N): what about you are you ready for tomorrow?

Saeyoung: im still nervous about the agency...I really thought that was my boss the other week

(Y/N): but both you and Saeran have looked into it again right?

Saeyoung: yeah…

(Y/N): and you both found nothing?

Saeeyoung: yes

(Y/N): then there’s nothing to worry about. You all would have found something, you’re both smarter than the agency

Saeyoung: yeah I guess

(Y/N): well I’m not guessing. I trust you. Nothing is going to happen. You’re the one that organized all of the security for the party, so it’ll be safe.

Saeyoung: I hope so

Saeyoung: how are you feeling about it?

(Y/N): I feel like everyone will be safe if that’s what you’re asking?

Saeyoung: well, yes, but also no. I mean are you nervous about how it’ll go?

(Y/N): Oh, yeah I’m super nervous about it. What if no one even shows up? I put a lot of work in it, and I don’t want it to be a flop

Saeyoung: well, if no one shows up then I guess the 7 of us will party alone

(Y/N): yeah…

Saeyoung: I’m sure it won’t be a flop, people will show up

(Y/N): thanks

(Y/N): well I’m going to get out of this bath and get ready for bed. Talk to you later?

Saeyoung: always

I got out of the bath and put a robe on, before letting the water drain. I took off the face mask and rinsed my face. I looked in the mirror and frowned. I really hope it turns out fine. I hope people come. I brushed my teeth and all that before leaving to go to my bedroom and changing into pajamas. I looked at my phone and noticed everyone was in a chatroom. I got on and talked to them all for a good hour. We talked about tomorrow. Everyone is excited for the party and is sure it’ll be a success. I still don’t know if it will be. I started to get a headache from looking at my phone for so long and thinking about tomorrow. I told everyone to have a goodnight before logging out of the chatroom. I got up and took a few painkillers for my headache before heading to sleep. Before I set my phone on my night stand I noticed Saeyoung had texted me once again.

Saeyoung: I’ll be there around 2 to pick you up okay?

Saeyoung: Don’t feel too nervous about tomorrow. Have a good night :)

(Y/N): thanks sae :). Goodnight.

I woke up with a massive headache. I groaned as I rolled over to check the time. I felt around my nightstand for my phone, but it wasn’t there. I opened my eyes and a wave of panic fell over me. Why am I here? What? I sat up and took in my surroundings. I was in my universe, not Saeyoung’s. I don’t understand, I didn’t go through the portal. What is happening? The party was supposed to be today, what do I do? I don’t have a phone, where is it? I quickly got out of the bed and looked for my phone. I had no luck. I guess only I came back to this universe. I felt a panic attack quickly approaching me. How am I here? Did something happen? Is Saeyoung okay? How do I contact them? What do I do? I curled up and cried. It was the first time I had cried in a while. After about half an hour, I calmed down and started thinking. What do I do first? I don’t have anyone I can call or anything here… the portal! I’ll just go back through the portal to their universe and then I can ask Saeyoung what is happening. I got up and then realized I was still in pajamas. I ran to my kitchen and took more painkillers. I don’t care how bad I feel, I need to get back. I then found some clothes and threw them on before grabbing my keys and leaving. I had left a wallet here with this universe’s currency, so I was able to get on the bus. I sat on the bus and anxiously waited for the stop. The portal was not close. My legs bounced and I worried. I avoided eye contact with people around me. I knew I probably looked like a mess. I somehow am back in this universe, and then I had a panic attack. My head is killing me and I didn’t bother with make up or anything, because I need to find out what’s happening, if everyone is okay. When the bus finally made it to the stop, I jumped up and practically ran to the apartment. I ran inside and to the door, before I remembered I didn’t know how to get in. The main lock was a code. I thought and tried every combination I could. I smiled when I tried my birthday and it unlocked. It somehow unlocked all of the crazy locks on the door. I know Saeyoung isn’t stupid enough to use the same code for each lock, so he must have programmed it to do this for me and this specific code. I opened the door and walked in. My stomach dropped. There used to be a huge portal in the middle of the living room, but now it was everywhere. It looked like someone had come in and smashed it to pieces. Parts of metal were sprinkled throughout the living room. I fell to my knees. Something happened. I can’t fix it. I can’t contact Saeyoung. Just when I was feeling better, this happened. I was hoping I’d come here and just walk back through the portal, but that’s not happening. I broke down completely. I don’t know how long I sat in that living room and sobbed. I was at a loss for what I should do. Eventually, I ran out of tears. My throat was sore, my body felt weak, and my head was pounding harder than it ever had. I feel like I just lost everything. I lost my friends, my new life, and my happiness. I can’t just sit here and give up, there has to be a way to contact Saeyoung again. I got up and left the apartment, there is nothing I can do to fix the portal, I have no idea how it all works. I got back on the bus and headed to my old apartment. Once there, I grabbed some money and left again.

I headed to the nearest store. I decided to head straight to the electronic section to buy a phone. My best bet at talking to everyone again, started with me getting a phone. I looked through the section and decided on one that wouldn’t destroy my bank account. I then walked through the store and grabbed a few groceries. I didn’t know how long I’d be back, but I’d need food. I need to pick up a few more clothes, and some essentials. I paid and quickly made it back to my apartment. I first decided to eat, because I was starving. I made a quick meal and ate quickly. I pulled out the phone and set it up. Now what? I downloaded the game, and opened it up. I began playing immediately. Nothing. This isn’t them, it’s just the game. What can I do? How can I let Saeyoung know it’s me? I have no idea what to do. I decided it was a long shot, but I went to the internet. I sat and read hundreds of thousands of articles and threads about alternate universes, but none of them helped. I’ll have to trust Saeyoung. He’ll look for me, right? But what if he doesn’t care enough to? He couldn’t like you… Stop. I got up and looked at the time. It was the first time I noticed what day it was. What? It’s Sunday? No, that means...the RFA party already happened. I must have been out for an entire day again when I came back. My whole body hurt, and I was tired of thinking. I have no idea what to do. What can I do? Maybe I’ll try figuring out how to fix the portal...yeah right, it’s not even worth me trying. I’ll never get it. For now I’ll just wait. I’ll stay here and keep playing the game, hoping Saeyoung will find a way. He will. I decided to just sleep for the night. It was still early, only like 6:30, but I was tired. I didn’t want to think any longer.

Saeyoung’s POV:

After getting ready I left the bunker to go pick up (Y/N). I left early because they hadn’t been answering my messages all morning. Maybe they just slept in, they still have a while until we need to be there. What if they’re sick? I drove as fast as I could to their apartment. Once there I knocked on the door and called out their name. They didn’t reply. (Y/N) had given me a key to use, so I unlocked their door and went in. I looked around and didn’t see them. I went to their bedroom and nothing. I started to get worried. Where is (Y/N)? I then noticed their phone was still on their nightstand. (Y/N) wouldn’t just leave their phone, something is wrong. I checked, and sure enough, they hadn’t read any of my messages. I immediately called Saeran. “Saeran?”

“Yeah what’s up? I thought you were getting (Y/N)?” Saeran answered.

“I am, well I was. Something is wrong. (Y/N) isn’t here, and their phone is here. They don’t go anywhere without it. Can you check the cameras?” I asked.

“Yeah give me a second…” I waited for a response. I bit my lip. Where are you? Are you okay? Did something happen? “Weird…” Saeran mumbled.

“What’s weird?” I asked.

“I’m watching now. They got home last night after work it seems, and then nothing. (Y/N) didn’t leave the apartment. From last night until when you got there, no one existed or entered the apartment...you sure (Y/N) isn’t there?”

“Positive. I checked every room. What happened? Did you check nearby cameras?” I asked, growing more concerned.

“Yes, just checked the last one. No sign of them… What’s going on? It’s not like (Y/N) to do anything like this, I thought they were happy,” Saeran drifted off.

“They were. I’m coming back, is something wrong with the portal?” I asked. There was a pause. I could hear Saeran get up from his office to head to the room the portal was in. I heard him stop, and then nothing. “Saeran? What’s going on?”

“The portal is gone,” he stated.

“What do you mean the portal is gone?” I asked, practically yelling.

“It’s just a metal circle, no portal. Something is wrong… I think….I think (Y/N) got sent back to their universe…” I hung up and ran to my car. My mind raced with worry. I have to get back. I don’t know how fast I was going, I’m extremely lucky I wasn’t pulled over is all I know. I ran into the bunker, for once annoyed that the security was so hard to get through. I ran downstairs to the portal. Saeran was there, already sitting with his computer out and running diagnostics. “Find anything?” I asked. He shook his head.

“No, something is off. It’s almost as if it just stopped working, but that doesn’t make sense… it’s almost like someone covered something up,” he replied. I grabbed a computer and sat down. I pulled up the codes and began to work. He was right, it looked as if it just stopped working, but it wouldn’t do that. I checked the math so many times so this wouldn’t happen. The two of us lost track of time, before we were interrupted by a phone call. I picked up my phone, it was Zen. “Yeah?” I answered.

“Saeyoung! What’s going on? Why aren’t you and (Y/N) here yet? Guests are going to start coming. Saeran hasn’t gotten here yet either,” Zen began.

“Listen,” I interrupted. “Don’t freak out, but I think (Y/N) is back in their universe.”

“What?!”

“Something is wrong. Sometime between this morning and last night, they got back. The portal is messed up, it’s too clean. Tell Jaehee, Jumin, and Yoosung we won’t be coming. Saeran and I are going to stay back and figure it out. (Y/N) would want you all to continue with the party,” I instructed him.

“Yeah, uh, okay. I’ll tell them. I hope they’re okay…” he paused. “Yeah okay, call me if you find anything okay?” Zen asked.

“I will, bye,” I hung up and immediately got back to work. The code is to clean for it to have just stopped working. (Y/N) is probably so confused and angry. I’m sorry. I’m coming. After another hour or so, I found something. A code that was not supposed to be there. It was a virus. Someone hacked into the portal and left a virus. The virus made the portal stop, made (Y/N) go back and then covered it up. It’s a damn smart virus. I informed Saeran and we worked to kill the virus. I then stumbled on a line of code and stopped breathing. “They did this…” I paused. “I knew it wasn’t nothing. The agency is trying to get back at me by sending (Y/N) back.” Saeran looked up.

“The agency did this?” he asked. I nodded. “What do they want?”

“They want me to work for them again, if I don’t they’re sending people to hurt (Y/N),” I answered.

“How can they do that if (Y/N) is in their universe?”

“They stole the code. They can make their own portal. We have to take them down and fast. Get this portal working again, I’m going to look for where the agency is hiding.” Hang on a little longer (Y/N), I’m coming. I don’t want to lose you.

#saeyoung choi x reader #saeyoung choi #707 #707 x reader #mystic messenger #fanfic

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kim-isnt-seaweed · 5 years

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^^those photos are all taken by me. Use them ig you want but please credit me.

Hello people!

How was your week? I had a fairly good week, it was hectic and tiring but it was good until i caught a cold.

Monday: Monday since i didnt have to work i stayed home laminating my interactive material and when T came home from work we went to Emart. He bought me a really cute watch since i needed it for classes since i didnt want to keep checning my phone, he wanted to buy a smart watch for both of us (hahaha i sound like we can just buy those things whenever we want but no, we save up for those type of things) but i dont want one because i geniuenly dont have a need for one, anyway we bought stuff at emart and came home. I thought at the time i had avoided the cold i thought i caught on Sunday.

Tuesday: went to work, every tuesday staff reuinion at the center and then i went to my first class the 27 m/o baby, he is really cute and you can notice he is somewhat understanding what i am teaching him but he cant speak yet so its tough to tell for sure. The second class was new kid i was added and he is the type of kids that ..are difficult, the mother had forgotten the class was on tuesdays at 6:30 and my boss forgot to call her to confirm (usually teachers do that but she said since im a forgeiner she would do it) besides they gave me the families old address thankfully the new house was a street away. The boy was not having it, he did not want to have class and he was just doing whatever the fuck he wanted, most of my students are young so its normal for them to get distracted but you can tell the difference when they get natrually distracted because they include me in their distraction for examole the baby boy keeps trying to gwt mw to play ball with him, or anotherone that just telling me about pokemon but this boy did not give a fuck about me or the class he was just difficult but i was like whatever i will go through if the class and maybe its just because he's tired, so who knows but when i was going his mom gave him an orange and he just threw it on the floor and smeared it with his foot as if it was funny and his mom said nothing so ..he still seems a bit difficult.

Wednesday: t was at home for the morning but had to go to work that night so i decided to make lunch for both of us: carne asada, refired beans a co-worker who grew up in Guatemala gave me and cilantro rice i made with the left over cilantro the Pho place gave me. I went to work at 4, and when i got to my students house i noticed he had a cold and i immediately was like "uh-oh" you know how kids are (he is 3) they dont cover their nose, whipe their nose with their hands and then touch you and your stuff. After class i came home and later that night my throat started feeling weird.

Side note: my mom would always make soup and salad everyday for lunch and dinner (same thing for both meals as is common in Colombia) and without fail they had cilantro ALWAYS! So i grew up eating cilantro, but it wasnt until i moved to Korea and the first time eating mexican food with T he was like "oh no the taste of cilantro is too strong i cant eat this" and i was like "Cilantro has a taste????" Like i grew up eating that in soups and stuff, never on its own so i never recognized the taste, let alone believe it was strong, i just thought it was a must for food like salt or whattever, the only other thing i new of cilantro was that it makes you sleepy, so if there was too much on our food it was like "mom is trying to make us chill" idk if its true or its just placeboo at this point since i grew up hearing it thus believing it. So yeah, i didnt know cilantro had a taste of its own until i moved to Korea, thankfully T has learned to like it but he judges me when i add a bit too much.

Thursday: my throat was even more irritated that morning but i felt fine in general, t had the day off so i made lunch again: arroz con pollo. I went to work, T took me to my classes on his new scooter motorcycle and while he waited he went shopping. My second student on thrusdays is a bitbhard because he is all over the place distracted and skipping all the steps but its okay because at least he looks excited for the class. Then i had my last class and went out to eat dinmer with T, by this time my throat was in so much pain it hurt to talk but the rest of me felt fine, we went to Kondae to eat Makchang (i think its the large intestine of the pork) and then i bought a leather jacket more like i bought a fake leather jacket because T has been dying to see me in a leather jacket (boy shoulda seen me at 16) idk why so now he can finally stop talking about it.

Friday: my throat felt better so i thought i had avoided getting a cold, i went to the center to pick up my class materials for next week and for the new student on fridays my boss had only told me about the night before. I went back home and since T again had the day free we went to the bank to open a family account, then he took me to my class, i was nervous because i had been told the kids mom is scary but when i arrived there (a bit late since i had forgotten something and had to go back to the center) they were so nice, their appartment is amazing, its huge and has a beautiful view people say celebreties live in those buildings too which explains the amount of security in the complex which is odd for most korean apartments. The mom was so nice, the dad too and their little boy is wonderful too so idk what they wete talking about tbh. When class finished we came back home, took all my pants (all except one i recently bought) a skirt and a dress to the seamstress because they were too big on me now and the lady was like "why are they so big??" "Its hard for you to find clothes the fit well, right? (it is) since you have a butt (i dont i just store most of my fat in my thighs and hips but not the butt) but your waist is so small" then when she got to the dress she seemed troubled because it was more work than what it seemedm we paid 90 bucks which is apparently expensive? Idk how since she has to do a lot of work on my clothes, 7 items and 2 items for T. Then we came home and i started to feel sick again, when bed time came i was completely sick.

Today: sleeping was terrible, i kept choking in my sleep because i have a stuffy nose and a very swollen throat. T woke up at all hours trying to help me feel better, giving me wster and medicine, i felt so bad since he had to wake up early but there he was taking care of me at like 4 am. When he woke up for work all i remember is him telling our cat "Bean, mom is sick be nice to her today and take care of here" aside from that being cute on its own i actually think she listend to him, although bean is very sweet she has moments when she likes to bully me, trip me ovet, bite my legs or scratch my hands (only me she never does that to T even if he was the one annoying her she takes it out on me) but today she has been so sweet and calm, no yelling or demanding snacks, no bullying just love.

At one my MIL took me to the doctors, they somehow always mention the fact i got surgery on my nose for allergy reasons and say something i cant fully understand and no one can translate for me but i am starting to feel the surgery was a waist of money, my allergies are back (not as bad as before but their back) and everytime i get a cold it fucks me up so hard. Then when comming home my MIL bought me so much pastries and bread because i didnt want lunch or let her pay for my medicine.

Sometimes i look at T and feel so lucky i have a husband that is so sweet, selfless and careing but then i see his parents and im like yep that makes sense. His parents have always been so sweet and understanding, the accepted me for me get go and have always treated me like a daughter, sometimes i tease T telling him his dad loves me more than than him haha his parents helped pay for my surgery back when we had only been dating for a year (my parents couldnt afford it i mean back at home they could but Korean money is much more expensive than Colombian money) and now everytime i mention trying to pay them back they wont have it.

I also noticed i have three big bruises on my legs i have no idea where they came from. Its annoying because everytime i hurt myself and say "oh this is gonna leave a bruise" there is no bruise to be found, but then these bruises appear and its like for you to be so big and persistent shouldnt i remember what your from???

Tomorrow: T and i finally both have the same free day, but this fucking cold will probably ruin it all so who knows.

Anyways that was my week, i hope you all had a good week too!

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shytiff · 3 years

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May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake.

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits

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remindme2breathe · 3 years

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What comes easy won’t last long, and what lasts long won’t come easy

Here we are again. The flavor of the day is bland with a twist of desperation.

I am not perfect by any means. I make mistakes and like to think I’ve been capable of owning them. I’ve always thought of myself to be fairly level headed, someone who can look at the bigger picture from everyone’s position. I have been overly accommodating to the people who surround me, I try way harder for them then I do for myself. I am guilty of being ‘a people pleaser’. I don’t know when that started really, but in my 30′s it became severely obvious, and I kinda hate myself for that.

I am walking into my 8th year of my relationship with my boyfriend... B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D. Not Fiance, not husband... shit, hardly a partner. He is a BOY, and I am stuck here. Not against my will obviously, I can kick him out whenever I please, however, my life with him is a complicated one that effects too many people (there I am, people pleasing again. Buckle up folks, this happens often).

I am 7 years older then my boyfriend, let’s call him Blu (that was my dog’s name). I met Blu by accident actually. In May of 2013 my then husband and I decided we just could not work it out anymore and we split ways. We were cordial, able to remain friendly for the sake of our kids. We accepted that although we failed MARRIAGE, we will not fail Co-Parenting. He left our family home in May and by September I met Blu. There’s some chaos there but I’ll tell that tale on another occasion. Remember when I said I met Blu by accident? I was serious. I had a friend named Emma who loved drama! She came to my house and told me about a site that she found out her boyfriend was on and she wanted to see if he would flirt with me (or another fake identity she made up to be honest, she just used my information to create an account), I call that playing with fire, but you know how that can go. Anyway, she did what she needed to and got the information that she wanted. I was uninterested in those apps so I never bothered to look into it. A couple of days later someone named Blu would send me multiple messages trying to get me to talk. I decided to respond, I explained that my name wasn’t what was listed and explained the whole situation to him, he just laughed it off. I didn’t know then that he was so familiar with drama like my darling friends little stunt. Anyway, we got to talking and it was very soon when he asked if I was interested in meeting up. After all the crime shows and books I’m into it was a hard HELL NO for me. I asked him to give me a little time, I also explained my position.

He told me a lot about himself, single dad, shares custody of two very young children with his ex. He lived with his parents about 2 miles from where I was. He didn’t seem cocky or arrogant, or maybe I just didn’t see it. We exited the chats and moved on to phone texts. He would message me every morning, afternoon and night. He knew about the age difference and didn’t care. Meanwhile I felt incredibly insecure about it. After about 7 weeks I finally caved and said I would meet him somewhere public, he said his family was having a BBQ at his house for me to just come by. I thought that out and figured: who would kill or rape me with all their family there?! So I went, but I never went inside his home. I stayed by my car, we talked for hours. I remember in the end I was fitting on the trunk of my car and him on the edge of the sidewalk... maybe 1:30 am when I finally decided to head home. He didn’t try any funny business, and was completely respectful. Before I left he asked if he can take me out to eat somewhere, like an official date, I still felt a little odd but I agreed. At that dinner I told him everything, about my pending divorce, how my custody is currently working, etc.

Me and him were from different worlds entirely. There were a few occasions that really pointed the differences out. For example, he listens to REAL MEXICAN MUSIC (google CALIBRE 50) where as my Mexican music consisted of Reggeton, Salsa, Bachata. He was 100% grounded in his Mexican roots, where my mixed breed havin’ ass was raised in an American household, where dinners were served at a certain time, we ate together as a family, we attended church on Sundays, we were close. The structure of my life was typical American Family with the added components of my nationalities; Mexican and Puerto Rican. We didn’t curse around our elders, I didn’t know of drugs, or habits. That was the first shot, the second time I noticed the difference was in October when we made arrangements to carve pumpkins with his kids and mine. On that particular day his mom and sisters were home, so of course I invited them to participate. They looked at the pumpkins as though they just landed from outter space! The third time was just a couple of months after, December. While my house was decked out with Christmas trees, stockings, and nicely wrapped presents... his house had no tree, no gifts, nothing.

We have gone through a lot over the years, mostly good things (or so I thought). Have you ever laid next to someone you felt the closest to and think Gosh, I don’t even know him? Eight years later and I still think that. I use to cry myself to sleep. I still feel so incredibly alone, and more so... misunderstood. The SANE me wants to think I have a right to think this way, but he comes in and convinces me that I am the problem. Meet Blu, head of the narcissists.

He is consumed with his cars, weed and sex. He has a problem with being faithful. And I have a problem with trusting him, and every time I feel I can let my guard down, he always comes in to remind me that I can’t. Things are about to get personal, I hope you don’t mind.

The first time I found out about his ‘extra activities’ we were already living together, this was maybe a little over a year after we became official with each other. He left his phone in the living room and it was getting a ton of texts, to my luck he is also a very heavy sleeper. I opened the messages and read them (OMG WHY WOULD YOU GO THROUGH HIS MESSAGES?! FK OFF KAREN, THIS IS MY REALITY, NOT YOURS!). It was a girl asking if he was gonna go by. I messaged her back as though I was him and she went along. I ended up waking him up, my eyes red and burning from all the crying. I asked him about it and all he was able to say is WHY ARE YOU GOING THROUGH MY PHONE, turned it off and went to bed. I remember feeling low, but that didn’t stop me dumb ass from going to lay next to him and crying until I fell asleep. He ended up changing his number after a few days and said he was ‘sorry’. Those types of situations happened maybe twice a year.

In 2016 I helped him open his own business, he had no money so I put up most of it (yes, stupid, I hear ya!) with the condition that he would not be listed on any documents as an owner. He argued with me about me not making him feel like a man (people pleasing in 3, 2, 1...) So I added him to the paperwork. I felt bad for him, I never wanted him to feel like that despite what he made me feel like. On one occasion he was working late, me being scar’d for life, I called him about 12:20 am and asked if I could take him anything or if he needs something because he had been working since 2 pm. He told me he was fine, but I said OK LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING. I went anyway to ‘take him food’, when I was driving up a black Honda was driving off, and there was Blu looking like he saw a ghost. I asked who that was an immediately he yelled and asked why I was there. I said that I brought him something to eat to which he said MY FRIEND JUST BROUGHT ME SOMETHING... my friend... hmmm... At about 4 a.m. I messaged and asked if he was ok and he said IM NOT COMING HOME, IM DONE! My pride didn’t allow this to just happen, I responded with OK. I locked his ATM card, Gas Card, and any credit lines. He came home (I thought he would) hootin and hollerin! I quietly took my explosion waiting for him to finish. At that point I said to just leave the work truck keys and to be on his way. He refused.

In 2018 he started recording his phone calls for work purposes (you wouldn’t believe how many people try and cheat ya to save a buck!). I had access to the recordings but never listened to them because they were of a bunch of truckers asking for stuff. One day though, I was triggered. He said he was going to go down the street to help my sister and brother in law move something. I thought it was strange because my sister told me everything! So when he left I asked her about it, she said ‘yea it was weird he offered to come help’ I then asked her to call me once he left. About 10 minutes later I got the text “HEY SORRY HE LEFT LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO BACK HOME” We lived literally five minutes away, so I waited. After about 30 minutes I decided to listen to the recordings. He called a girl asking her to meet him in the Bank Of America Parking lot about 5 minutes the opposite way, he told her he was able to leave his kids with his dad for a little while so he can go see her. My heart SANK. I felt it at the pit of my stomach. This entire douche bag drove MY CAR to see some hoe??? FOR REAL! So I texted him and said where are you? He messaged about 10 minutes later and said IM ON MY WAY HOME I JUST FINISHED AT YOUR SISTERS. I didn’t respond. When he came it we went at it. Let me clear the air: I AM NOT AN ARGUER. I don’t find it useful to scream and yell, but my emotions were shot, I was on a different level now. I dropped the bomb! I guess he didn’t see it coming because he was unable to keep up with the shit storm I was dishing out. In the middle of it, that broad had the nerve to call him. I told him to answer it and he said no. When I got ahold of his phone he had the NUTS to tell me NOT TO FK IT UP FOR HIM. Shattered. I was non-existent.

to be continued

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seleniftie · 7 years

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rules // answer these 83 questions and tag some people

Thank you @heartbeatkaleidoscope for tagging me!! love you! I’m tagging @swiftie92, @champagneseaa, @taylorselenaswift and @taylorswiftyouarethebestthing.

the last: 

1. drink: water

 2. phone call: my friend Coline yesterday evening. She’s in Argentina.

 3. text message: Prune, my internship supervisor

 4. song you listened to: Vance Joy - Take Your Time (his new album is out!!)

 5. time you cried: I think it was last Sunday? I watched videos of soldiers coming home. Best idea ever.

 6. dated someone twice: nope

 7. kissed someone and regretted it: hmmmmm yes and no

 8. been cheated on: yes and no

 9. lost someone special: oh dear yes. a friend.

 10. been depressed: no, thankfully. I’m an anxious person.

 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Ha lol yeeeep. Actually was good times.

three favorite colors:

 12. burgundy

 13. pastel blue

 14. pastel pink

in the last year have you:

 15. made new friends: yes!!

 16. fallen out of love: no

 17. laughed until you cried: yes god this is the best feeling ever

 18: found out someone was talking about you: Ooh yes. Great times. Right before I left forBerlin.

 19. found out who your friends are: yes, going abroad and being separate from my college squad made me realize who are the ones who you’re gonna be friends with for a while... and who are just “squad” friends.

 20. kissed someone on your facebook list: yes. HA.

general

22. Most of them. There’s only about a dozen of people but I’m planning on meeting them soon... if I haven’t met them already ;)

 23. do you have any pets: YES MY DOG BARBOUILLE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND MISS HIM SO MUCH IT’S BEEN ONE FREAKING MONTH ALREADY AND I’M NOT SEEING HIM BEFORE JULY

 24. do you want to change your name: my name is so very basic and only french people know how to pronounce it right... and i’ve kinda already changed it anyway. at least for people abroad! I really like the Cee nickname.

 25. what did you do for your last birthday: hmmm had like three parties. it was insane and really great times. and i’m not being ironic!

 26. what time did you wake up: 8:40am and i died

 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: As my dear friend Sandra said: “Posting on this godforsaken site”

 28. something you can’t wait for: seeing my friends this weekend! they’re coming to Berlin. And traveling around Europe! flying to copenhagen next weekend, to rome in april and so many other destinations.... and of course... SEEING TAYLOR SWIFT LIVE IN LONDON AND MEET @noitsholly @champagneseaa @flyawayswift @taylorswiftz @ethereal-swiftness @shakeitoff6202 AND THE LIST GOES ON WOOOO

 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: over one month ago!

 30. what are you listening to right now: there’s public works on Kurfürstendamm.

 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes and i had a crush on him when i was 11 and he wanted to date me but i freaked out and said no???? the story of my life.

 32. something that is getting on your nerves: rude people. and the evil side of this fucking world. can’t it be my little pony

 33. most visited website: TUMBLR

 34. hair color: Dark Brown

 35. long or short hair: long.

 36. do you have a crush on someone: pffff hm hm hm yes and no

 37. what do you like about yourself: i like my ability to listen and learn fast and my musical talents and i also love my face but hate is as much so.

 38. piercings: two in each ear!

 39. blood type: lemme check. *takes wallet* 0+!

 40: nickname: Cee, Cam, Cami, Biquette, Winnie, Nestor... whatever.

 41. relationship: single af

 42. zodiac sign: taurus

 43. pronouns: she/her

 44. favorite tv show: HM HM BROOKLYN 99

 45. tattoos: none

 46. right or left handed: righ handed!

 47. surgery: wisdom teeth in 2014 i think? and kidney/ureter surgery two years ago (yay kidney stones)

 48. sport: does taking the stairs count?

 49. vacation: copenhagen in one week <3

more general: 

51. eating: i just ate vegan sandwich biscuits. a delight.

 52. drinking: water is your friend. hydrate yourselves.

 53. im about to: work... lol

 54. waiting for: taylor to come back on tumblr. jk. waiting for a new guitar to play more but i need to buy one first but I’m broke cause i still haven’t been paid and have like 50 euros left on my bank account yay me

 55. want: happiness and a positive state of mind and a clear skin and success in music

 56. get married: lolz who knows but for now NEVER. I find it so scary to commit yourself to someone for a lifetime when I haven’t even ever been in a healthy and good relationship? ew.

 57. career: I want to be a singer. if not, let’s go save the world wih diplomatic work

which is better: 

58. hugs or kisses: Hugs alllll the way. kisses are gross

 59. lips or eyes: Eyes

 60. taller or shorter: Taller

 61. older or younger: Older or same age is better but really depends on the person i mean half of my friends on here are 15 soooo

 62. nice arms or nice stomach: stomach

 63. hookup or relationship: tired of hookups, give me a relationship already

 64. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker when drunk, hesitant all my life

have you ever:

 65. kissed a stranger: yes lol

 66. drank hard liquor: oooh yes lol

 67. lost glasses/contacts: nope but my friend louise can tell you about that

 68. turned someone down: yes lol

 69. sex on the first date: nope

 70: had your heart broken: yes lol

 71. been arrested: ...no? could have tho

 72. cried when someone died: yes.

73. fallen for a friend: nope.

do you believe in: 

74. yourself: I try!

 75. miracles: kinda? I believe in karma

 76. love at first sight: yes I mean I imagine it could happen

 77. santa: there are kids on this website

 78. kiss on the first date: yes

 79. angels: I don’t

other 

80. best friend’s name: I don’t have best friends.... you either are my friend or you are not. But among my favorite in real life friends if i can say that there are Zoé, Adeline, Léa, Pauline, Oksanna, Marion.......... and now i feel bad for the others. and I obviously adore my internet friends Sandra, Alex, Holly, Jenny, Morgen, Taylor (cause we’re best friends duh)

 81. eye colour: dark green!

 82. fave movie: I adore Rudderless.

 83. fave actor/actress: I have no idea cause I have no knowledge about acting and whatsoever and I don’t watch movies / series enough. But Andy Samberg is phenomenal.

And that’s a wrap! been in the office for over an hour. TIME TO WORK BITCHES

#challenge

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cybernightwanderer · 4 years

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I went over the “How to Recognize the Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse” article and heres whats familiar : 46 out of 64 Signs LOL

-Name-calling. They’ll blatantly call you “stupid,” “a loser,” or words too awful to repeat here. There were too many times my mom would come to my room yelling and threatning to beat, or actually beat me up and call me a whore and a piece of shit. Still does, just doesnt call me a whore now, just calls me stupid and a a piece of shit occasionally. -Character assassination. This usually involves the word “always.” You’re always late, wrong, screwing up, disagreeable, and so on. Basically, they say you’re not a good person. Everyday AALL DAY. Things i used or barely did as a child , and keeps trowing at as an adult. -Yelling. Yelling, screaming, and swearing are meant to intimidate and make you feel small and inconsequential. It might be accompanied by fist-pounding or throwing things. No need to even explain this. -Patronizing. “Aw, sweetie, I know you try, but this is just beyond your understanding.” “Ah nooo, youll never be responsible to have your own life” -Public embarrassment. They pick fights, expose your secrets, or make fun of your shortcomings in public. Yup...

-Dismissiveness. You tell them about something that’s important to you and they say it’s nothing. Body language like eye-rolling, smirking, headshaking, and sighing help convey the same message. Trying to explain to her i dont like something or i dont wanna do something and why, trying to explain certain things she does harms me. And i just get mocked and threatned instead. - Insults of your appearance. They tell you, just before you go out, that your hair is ugly or your outfit is clownish. Every single day. Also to a point that she did this many times in front of strangers, or in front of my friends.

-Belittling your accomplishments. Your abuser might tell you that your achievements mean nothing, or they may even claim responsibility for your success. Yup -Put-downs of your interests. They might tell you that your hobby is a childish waste of time or you’re out of your league when you play sports. Really, it’s that they’d rather you not participate in activities without them. I stopped practising my drawing skills because she would always say i had no future in drawing characters and shitty stuff. Even tho i was starting and practising. That i had no future in it. -Pushing your buttons. Once your abuser knows about something that annoys you, they’ll bring it up or do it every chance they get. Daily picking fights with me, the yells at me for fighting with her and misstreats me. -Threats. Telling you they’ll take the kids and disappear, or saying “There’s no telling what I might do.” Threatning to kick me off the house whenever i refuse to do something she tells me to. For example, a few years ago, i was barely holding on with a minimal wage , she would take a cut out of it, so there was this month i did a whole month without days off to try and gather money to go to barcelona. She knew i had money saved up and threatened to kick me off the house if i didnt give her extra 100 euros for house rent. Usually stuff like this always. -Monitoring your whereabouts. They want to know where you are all the time and insist that you respond to calls or texts immediately. They might show up just to see if you’re where you’re supposed to be. If i go out with my friends or stay in my friends houses, if i go to a concert or anything, she will non stop be calling me and texting until i reply. Even if i already told her who i would be with and where ( i have to tell her always ) And always have to tell what i am doing. If i dont she will be mad for weeks and take it out on me. -Digital spying. They might check your internet history, emails, texts, and call log. They might even demand your passwords. Like the previous one, she asks my aunt to sent her my ig stuff and fb stuff i post, so i had to remove my entire family from my social network. Because she would always come up to me daily “ ah u posted this why? “ wether it would be a selfie or a poem. And is always messaging me on whatsapp and humiliating me and crontrolling wich picture i post on whatsapp. I generaly like to post my user photo of whatsapp as something funny, wether its my face with a filter, or a funny meme. Two months ago i posted a guy with his ass pinned up, wich was hilarious. She kept yelling at me everymorning, and even threatned to hit me , to take the picture down , because it looked bad. The picture was something like this ( not this, but the pose kinda )

- Unilateral decision-making. They might close a joint bank account, cancel your doctor’s appointment, or speak with your boss without asking. ALWAYS does these kinds of things without my consent. I work 12h a day everyday, im always tired, and i barely have money , and she “trying to take care of me “ will settle apointments for really expensive doctors witouth asking me if i even want, and will get mad at me when i tell her to cancel , saying im a big girl that i have to do it, SO i have to take out sometype of time during my busy work day to make a call to cancel something she settled without even asking me , and will be mad for weeks and take it out on me calling me names and shit. And if i dont accept her “ lending me the money for the apointment “ she will get mad and call me ungratfull and stupid. -Financial control. They might keep bank accounts in their name only and make you ask for money. You might be expected to account for every penny you spend. Well yeah.. dont even need to say anything here. - Lecturing. Belaboring your errors with long monologues makes it clear they think you’re beneath them. Or here... -Direct orders. From “Get my dinner on the table now” to “Stop taking the pill,” orders are expected to be followed despite your plans to the contrary. This daily basis. -Outbursts. You were told to cancel that outing with your friend or put the car in the garage, but didn’t, so now you have to put up with a red-faced tirade about how uncooperative you are. Always calling me lazy and shit for not doing HER OWN STUFF. -Treating you like a child. They tell you what to wear, what and how much to eat, or which friends you can see. I am 30 years old. -Feigned helplessness. They may say they don’t know how to do something. Sometimes it’s easier to do it yourself than to explain it. They know this and take advantage of it. Whatever happends she always plays the pity party card “ ahh im old” , “ ahhh i had an aneurism ( even tho she has been fine for two/three years now LOL )”, “ ahh my blood pressure “ She used that as an excuse to always ditch arguments or important discussions when she is loosing, and if i dont shut up she will threaten to kick me off the house or beat me. For example the other day she was shamming me out of nowhere from trying to commit suicide, and i told her she was one of the main reasons. She immediatly started to call me names, tried to hit me, and trow me out of the car. -Unpredictability. They’ll explode with rage out of nowhere, suddenly shower you with affection, or become dark and moody at the drop of a hat to keep you walking on eggshells. She flips randomly during the day, im afraid to leave my room. Or that she will enter my room. -They walk out. In a social situation, stomping out of the room leaves you holding the bag. At home, it’s a tool to keep the problem unresolved. She humiliates me in public then randomly walks out. -Using others. Abusers may tell you that “everybody” thinks you’re crazy or “they all say” you’re wrong. She likes to tell her friends and our family how “ irresponsable”, “immature” and no good for nothing i am, and how i am LEECHING her off... LOL -Jealousy. They accuse you of flirting or cheating on them. Usualy when i game or sometimes, ppl call me and talk to me, and she will eavesdropp my conversation and enter my room to hear better, or later wait until i leave the room , to complain about how i treat my friends so well , and speak so well to them , and how it is possible that i talk to her bad all the time and treat her like shit (? LOL ) Well for starters my friends dont misstreat me or call me names, or try to humiliate me or control me LOL or even pick fights with me. She will get mad at me for not wanting to spend time with her, and spending time with my friends. That im ungratefull and a bad daughter. LOL -Turning the tables. They say you cause their rage and control issues by being such a pain. This, that its my fault. That its my fault everything. - Denying something you know is true. An abuser will deny that an argument or even an agreement took place. This is called gaslighting. It’s meant to make you question your own memory and sanity. For example the other day , olso on the car, with the suicide attempt talk, i was trying to explain why and i told her my most painfull memory of her, was her beating me up for not knowing how to solve a math problem in 3rd grade. That she punched me several times because she tought i had awnsered 7 instead of 1. And she started yelling at me saying i made that up and shit. Like bitch i was afraid of doing my homework home because you would beat the crap out of me, instead of teatching me LOL. She once again used the “ blood pressure “ excuse and tried to hit me and kick me off the car in mid highway. -Using guilt. They might say something like, “You owe me this. Look at all I’ve done for you,” in an attempt to get their way. Ahh this is a classic. She says i owe her everything she asks for because SHE BIRTHED ME AND RAISED ME. And she used this argument to manipulate me in everything. -Goading then blaming. Abusers know just how to upset you. But once the trouble starts, it’s your fault for creating it. Yup -Denying their abuse. When you complain about their attacks, abusers will deny it, seemingly bewildered at the very thought of it. According to her, she just does everything she does because she cares LOL. -Accusing you of abuse. They say you’re the one who has anger and control issues and they’re the helpless victim. LOLOLOL cannot say this enought, SHE ACCUSES ME of being the abusive one , simply because i talk back, because i dont wanna be around her and because i fight with her LOL. Even tho she starts the fights and im just defending myself from her. -Trivializing. When you want to talk about your hurt feelings, they accuse you of overreacting and making mountains out of molehills. Yup -Saying you have no sense of humor. Abusers make personal jokes about you. If you object, they’ll tell you to lighten up. Yup -Blaming you for their problems. Whatever’s wrong in their life is all your fault. You’re not supportive enough, didn’t do enough, or stuck your nose where it didn’t belong. ALSO YUP -Destroying and denying. They might crack your cell phone screen or “lose” your car keys, then deny it. Tried to break my things numerous of times, or trash them or give them away. Wich she did. -Demanding respect. No perceived slight will go unpunished, and you’re expected to defer to them. But it’s a one-way street. Yup... She will happly tell me how to dress saying what im wearing is ugly, i will politely tell her to stop, she will continue to give her “opinion” i will get tired and yell to stop , she will immediatly demand respect and tell me i have no right to talk back at her and that im disrespectfull and stupid. -Shutting down communication. They’ll ignore your attempts at conversation in person, by text, or by phone. Yup -Dehumanizing you. They’ll look away when you’re talking or stare at something else when they speak to you. Yup -Keeping you from socializing. Whenever you have plans to go out, they come up with a distraction or beg you not to go. Also Yup She wouldnt let me go out if i didnt do my bed, and would make up shit just so i wouldnt go out, until i got tired and gave up. -Trying to come between you and your family. They’ll tell family members that you don’t want to see them or make excuses why you can’t attend family functions. Well she constantly came in between my first real good therapist. I was finally seeing a good therapist a few years ago. I was finally relieved and tought i could trust him, all of a suddent she demanded to be in the therapy sessions. So in the sessions instead of talking about what upset me and her constant mental abuse, the therapist gave in to her demands, and started adressing HER issues with me. I remenber the LAST time i decided to attend the doctor. He would first attend my mom , then me. So i came up, and he started his usual talks, and i wanted to talk to him that day about the nightmares i was having and if he could help me. And all of a suddent he cut the conversation off by saying “ ah wait so your mother tells be you have been staying a lot of time on your computer “ “ that you dont socialize with your friends and that you dont go out “ I mean i wonder why i get stuck in my pc and dont go out with my friends LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL She would always cut me off from meeting my friends, she would always control me, so i had less interest or courage to make friends year by year. And gaming was the only thing that brought me joy in my shitty depressed life coz i couldnt develop any interests. -Withholding affection. They won’t touch you, not even to hold your hand or pat you on the shoulder. They may refuse sexual relations to punish you or to get you to do something. She wil straight up give me the cold shoulder, ignore me if she is mad because i didnt do something how she wanted. When i had hand surgery, she refused to go with me, or get me. By me it was ok , she didnt need to go or anything. So after surgery i told the doctors i would take myself home, and why. And they didnt allowe me and still called my mom even thought i told them she wouldnt. She treated me so badly after picking me up from the hospital because they called her. -Tuning you out. They’ll wave you off, change the subject, or just plain ignore you when you want to talk about your relationship. Yup -Actively working to turn others against you. They’ll tell co-workers, friends, and even your family that you’re unstable and prone to hysterics. YUP -Calling you needy. When you’re really down and out and reach out for support, they’ll tell you you’re too needy or the world can’t stop turning for your little problems. YUP -Interrupting. You’re on the phone or texting and they get in your face to let you know your attention should be on them. Yup -Indifference. They see you hurt or crying and do nothing. Yup - Disputing your feelings. Whatever you feel, they’ll say you’re wrong to feel that way or that’s not really what you feel at all. Yup

#domestic violence #domestic abuse #suicide #depression #anxiety #toxic #toxic mother #toxic behaviour #toxic family #self #toughts #end my life #misery #pain #trauma #end my fucking life #end my existence #end my pain #end my misery

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urscottsdale · 7 years

Note

1-100 😌

1:when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? i rarely eat cereal but i think i usually balance them pretty equally or try to lol

2:do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? i love it as long as im all bundled up

3:what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? usually the closest piece of paper i can find

4:how do you take your coffee/tea? with lots of sugar 😏

5:are you self-conscious of your smile? very

6:do you keep plants? nope

7:do you name your plants? nada

8:what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? writing and music

9:do you like singing/humming to yourself? sometimes

10:do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? all of the above

11:what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? no friends, no jokes other than maybe im the quiet one

12:what’s your favorite planet? pluto

13:what’s something that made you smile today? my dog

14:if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? my room: messy, theirs: clean

15:go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! uranus is tilted on its side 😉

16:what’s your favorite pasta dish? spaghetti

17:what color do you really want to dye your hair? blue

18:tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. idk tbh

19:do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i dont

20:what’s your favorite eye color? brown eyes 😍

21:talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. who comes up with these questions? bc i dont have a favorite bag

22:are you a morning person? no i hate mornings

23:what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? listen to music

24:is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? theres a couple, one doesnt know it tho

25:what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? never broken into anywhere lol

26:what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? vanz

27:what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? mint

28:sunrise or sunset? sunset

29:what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? randomly checking up on me and actually meaning it when they say they care

30:think of it: have you ever been truly scared? a handful of times yes

31:what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. love socks and wearing them, dont sleep in them and i have an assortment of colors bc white is boring

32:tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. there was this time i went out drinking with my friend after graduation, these two guys were hitting on her after she called them gay (even bought us drinks), my friend is gay so that was interesting lol

33:what’s your fave pastry? doughnuts

34:tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? winnie the pooh and hell yes i still have it

35:do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? love them but never use them

36:which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? backstreet boys

37:do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i like keeping it clean but it tends to stay messy lol

38:tell us about your pet peeves! i have too many pet peeves tbh

39:what color do you wear the most? blue and maroon (not together tho)

40:think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? cross necklace is self-explanatory, dog tag necklace i got from my parents so it holds a special meaning to me

41:what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? to kill a mockingbird

42:do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! starbucks…

43:who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? lol one of my friends back in like 5th grade

44:when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? summer and winter breaks in high school

45:do you trust your instincts a lot? yup

46:tell us the worst pun you can think of. sex while camping is fucking in tents ;)

47:what food do you think should be banned from the universe? most kinds of fish

48:what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? being alone, and yes actually

49:do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? yes but i cant remember tbh. most i have were gifted to me.

50:what’s an odd thing you collect? keys

51:think of a person. what song do you associate with them? @thisvanessa - count on me by bruno mars

52:what are your favorite memes of the year so far? im pretty sure ive never seen a meme i didnt love so. the spongebob one is pretty good tho.

53:have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i wish i could tell u

54:who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? my dog lol

55:what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? idk im pretty passive aggressive so i do a lot lol

56:what are some things you find endearing in people? same as earlier, randomly checking up on me and also saying they miss me

57:go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? nope

58:who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? my ex friend is the wine mom and idk maybe im the vodka aunt lol

59:what’s your favorite myth? the earth is flat

60:do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yess langston hughes and edgar allan poe

61:what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? cant think of any tbh, maybe the dancing chicken that used to be passed around for years in my family

62:do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? orange juice and cran-grape juice

63:are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i just leave them be

64:what color is the sky where you are right now? gray

65:is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? yes

66:what would your ideal flower crown look like? idk not big on flower crowns

67:how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i love them so much

68:what’s winter like where you live? hot with a random cold day here and there

69:what are your favorite board games? wahoo/marbles, sorry, candyland, pretty much all of them lol

70:have you ever used a ouija board? nope

71:what’s your favorite kind of tea? sweet tea

72:are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yes but im also too lazy to note things so i end up forgetting a lot

73:what are some of your worst habits? procrastination

74:describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. beautiful, bubbly, cute, always smiling even tho i know they r sad deep down

75:tell us about your pets! small, black fur ball full of energy

76:is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? so many things

77:pink or yellow lemonade? pink

78:are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither im a minion dc club

79:what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? idk told me i give them butterflies or get nervous when talking to me

80:what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? i think they r an off white an bc my apartment landlord wont let me change them lol

81:describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. dark pools of chocolate

82:are/were you good in school? i was alright could of been better if i wasnt so lazy

83:what’s some of your favorite album art? never thought about that maybe something justin bieber has done

84:are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? i want to but im not sure tbh

85:do you read comics? what are your faves? nope

86:do you like concept albums? which ones? yes theres a lot

87:what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? high school musical

88:are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? yes

89:are you close to your parents? yes

90:talk about your one of you favorite cities. im pretty sure i could never get tired of nyc

91:where do you plan on traveling this year? i successfully did not travel anywhere this year, thank you bank account ur the best

92:are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? drown it in cheese

93:what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? short hair, short on the sides and longer on top

94:who was the last person you know to have a birthday? me

95:what are your plans for this weekend? lazy days

96:do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastination is my middle name

97:myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INFP, scorpio and hufflepuff

98:when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? i dont think ive ever been hiking but i want to

99:list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. over and over again by tim mcgraw, make you miss me by sam hunt, remember when by alan jackson, unhinged by nick jonas, chainsaw by nick jonas, untitled by simple plan and welcome to my life by simple plan

100:if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? damn thats a really hard one. probably the future tbh.

#thisvanessa #answered

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buffalowingsfortwo · 5 years

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from faith

2 september 2019

ash,

i was suppose to leave today, around 1. but my mom said my dispersement check arrived— which just means financial aid money, and that we needed to open an account for me as soon as possible. so at 6 in the morning tomorrow, i have to leave for school, get to my 9 am class, then go with my mom to start my account at a chase bank up there and come back for my 3:00 class.

but before i knew this, i still was under the impression that i was leaving this afternoon. so, i packed up all my stuff and cleaned my room as soon as i got up. i still needed to wash a load of laundry, but as soon as i stepped outside my door with my basket of clothes, ashley stopped me and said she was next to wash. i told her i was leaving soon so i really needed to wash but she laughed and said it wasn’t her problem. i didn’t say anything in response.

the rest the afternoon was uninteresting. not to imply any other aspect of my life is interesting because most of the time its not. i ate, showered (because you’re allowed to shower in afternoons when you know you’re not going out), watched how i met your mother and did my makeup. a standard, predictable day home for me. i wanted to paint, but i left my paints back at my dorm so painted my nails instead. its a nude-pink. very on brand for me. if i wore anything else i think the world would collapse. in fact, in the millions of times i have ever gotten my nails done, i have asked for “light-sheer pink” every single time but one. that one time i didn’t, i got a pastel purple color. i had left school during my gap to get them done and when my mom picked me up, she was so mad at the fact that i had left without letting her know that i got screamed at, grounded for like 3 months and to top it all of, one of my nails broke the very next day. needless to say i never tried to get a color other than my faithful sheer pink ever again.

in the evening i sat on my floor and listened to music. i usually don’t have the attention span to do only that, but today my mind was exhausted so i lasted a full hour. one song that stood out in particular was, “she makes dirty words sound pretty”. it was one song i would never shut up about in middle school, and im sure you remember. if you don’t, play the song and within the first few seconds i guarantee you’ll go, “OHH”. actually, listen to it regardless. i added it a few days ago after i saw a video of vic fuentes singing and the nostalgia within me rose. we can make fun of the cringey things we did and liked when we were kids all we want, but they’re still part of what was made us, us.

a friend facetimed me today but i let it ring. im beginning to separate myself from my old friends. not all of them. just the ones i could tell never cared about me, the ones you could tell never cared about me. but if im completely honest, having a few fake friends here and there isn’t the worst thing in the world. it certainly makes things interesting.

in complete other news, i miss being alone. i’ve always been the one who wanted to stay the longest. like when im out with people, and they get tired cause its late but i don’t want the night to end and i cant understand how they could waste any time not having fun together. or when my family has a game night (rare, but its happened), and one by one they retreat to bed but i stay until its just me. and when graduation day was getting closer and everyone was feeling bitter-sweet, i was busy feeling just bitter. i could go on but i think you get the point. anyways, i think it finally caught up to me. because my family was all eating together (which we hardly ever do), to have family time before i went back, i guess. but after maybe 30 minutes i felt like i was going to pass out, so i went to my room and laid down. i don’t want to go back to school tomorrow, either. because for about three more weeks i won’t be alone for longer than an hour at most and its going to drive me insane. thank god for marijuana.

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chanelvenus · 7 years

Text

92 truths

i got tagged by the babe @beebeecee !! thank uuu

im nt tagging anyone but if u wanna do this go ahead and tag me so i can read it !

THE LAST: 1. Drink: water stay hydrated kids 2. Phone call: my bf when i freaked the fuck out on saturday lmao 3. Text message: my roommate i complained abou howt amazing this one masters program is and how i need around 27000€ 4. Song you listened to: bang yongguk - yamazaki 5. Time you cried: don't drag me but i shed a tear when i said goodbye to my bf last time i visited bcs im not used to not being around him 24/7.......... HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: yah kinda 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. Been cheated on: god no 9. Lost someone special: no? im blessed 10. Been depressed: nothing diagnosed 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: black pink red IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: oh hell yeah 16. Fallen out of love: not really 17. Laughed until you cried: last week actually 18. Found out someone was talking about you: maybe i don't remember 19. Met someone who changed you: YAH 20. Found out who your friends are: i guess? i really love the friends i have rn 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yah

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i recently cleaned it lmao so everyone 23. Do you have any pets: nah 24. Do you want to change your name: my name is cool ok 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: NOTHING it was lit 26. What time did you wake up: 8:30am 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching memes on youtube i think 28. Name something you can’t wait for: having a new job aka €€€ and the new semester !! im gonna have some lit classes 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: mid July 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: id love to have more cash lol literally all my problems right now are money related 31. What are you listening right now: ........ german battle rap bye insight job (<3) vs emmax 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yah 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my bank account 34. Most visited Website: youtube Tumblr asos

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: a few 36. Mark/s: ??????? 37. Childhood dream: being a lawyer by e 38. Hair colo(u)r: platinum blonde 39. Long or short hair: shorttttt 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Keanu reeves ! always ! currently its 2017 Keanu but soon it'll change to late 80s again i can feel it 41. What do you like about yourself: i have many different interests so i can talk to all kinds of ppl ? 42. Piercings: ears two holes on each side, wanna get two more tho 43. Bloodtype: ask again when i donated blood in a few weeks 44. Nickname: none really 45. Relationship status: taken 46. Zodiac: LEO 47. Pronouns: She/Her 48. Favorite TV Show: i like Brooklyn99 ? sex and the city??? 49. Tattoos: im planning a few 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: at the beginning of august i got nose surgery ? 52. Hair dyed in different color: yah i bleached this shit out of it 53. Sport: used to do swimming badminton n shit 55. Vacation: im planning Paris rn 56. Pair of trainers: i literally collect sneakers what u want from me. my favorites are my reebok insta pump over branded in black/white?? i want airmax 95?? MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: just had toast 58. Drinking: still water 59. I’m about to: eat something chocolate-y and do the dishes 61. Waiting for: the exams to be over, the semester to start ?? 62. Want: money 63. Get married: ya 64. Career: i am a philosophy and art history student do u really think i got any career plans... WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: depends 66. Lips or eyes: lips 67. Shorter or taller: taller 68. Older or younger: both is ok as long as its not too dramatic 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms 71. Sensitive or loud: ???? what 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: what kind of question is this

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: nah 75. Drank hard liquor: nooo 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nah 77. Turned someone down: ya 78. Sex in the first date: nope 79. Broken someone’s heart: i hope not ? 80. Had your heart broken: kinda??? 81. Been arrested: omg no 82. Cried when someone died: i always cry. 83. Fallen for a friend: yeah DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: sometimes a lot sometimes not at all but overall i know ill be fine 85. Miracles: ya 86. Love at first sight: yes :( 87. Santa Claus: hfjskhfkjsdf 88. Kiss in the first date: do u really have to believe in this... 89. Angels: something like that ya OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: i don't do the best friend thing 91. Eyecolor: muddy green 92. Favorite movie: OH BOYYYYY ?? maybe ?? fight club the social network tasm2 ?? BILL AND TED??? the devil wears Prada????? idk !

#tagged #god this is LONG

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aw-yeah-jimin · 7 years

Text

get to know me

tagged by @honey-hoseok - i havent been tagged in a thing in ages lol thank you~

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. (im like gonna tag like 3 people tbh)

THE LAST: 1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: i lit cant remember the last time i made a phonecall... mightve been when the hospital rang about my address change 3. Text message: mum about picking me up 4. Song you listened to: neyo because of you 5. Time you cried: idk couple of weeks ago

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: nah 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. Been cheated on: nah 9. Lost someone special: not really 10. Been depressed: ye 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yeah lmao

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. orange 13. blue 14. grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: kinda idk??? theyre kinda more like acquaintances really i dont talk to them much outside of uni and theyre all like from birmingham so they have their home mates anyway 16. Fallen out of love: nah 17. Laughed until you cried: i do all the time tbh 18. Found out someone was talking about you: ye... but like everyone in the flat talked shit about each other so im not surprised but it was joke because she thought i banged on the walls when her and her bf had sex??? like no i just hit my head a lot because i cant sit still 19. Met someone who changed you: nah 20. Found out who your friends are: kinda 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nah

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: like all but about 10-20 23. Do you have any pets: ye man we got a dog like 2 weeks ago lmao 24. Do you want to change your name: nah 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: nothing tbh went bank and doctors lol 26. What time did you wake up: about 10:20 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: just watching tv 28. Name something you can’t wait for: tbh to go back to uni/find out if me new flatmates are terrible or good this time lol 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like an hour ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: im not really unhappy with anything rn 31. What are you listening to right now: the tv 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: ye lol one of my uni flatmates was a tom 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: not a lot really 34. Most visited website: youtube probably

LOST QUESTIONS. 35. Mole/s: ye a few 36. Mark/s: i have a few from rashes that i kept scratching but then they went away but you can still see where they were 37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be a policewoman i think lol 38. Hair color: brown 39. Long or short hair: short-ish 40. Do you have a crush on someone: not really 41. What do you like about yourself: er like looks wise i like me nose lmao n like just in general i think im good at communicating like i can make a convo out of any random crap 42. Piercings: i have the standard lobes, and then daith and conch on me right ear 43. Blood type: AB+ 44. Nickname: lou/loulou 45. Relationship status: single 46. Zodiac: cancer 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV show: omg so many like rick and morty, adventure time, steven universe, coach trip, hollyoaks, its aunny 49. Tattoos: nah 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: nah 52. Hair dyed in different colors: i used to dye the ends different colours but i havent for a couple years 53. Sport: i lit havent done sport since school n i was only good at netball n table tennis tbh n like i just messed around in P.E. most of the time and me and amy made up our own versions of how to do things lol 54. There’s no question here so fun fact: ???idk likeee... i really actually enjoy doing laundry but everyone else seems to hate it and idgi bc i find it to be one of the easiest chores even when you hang it out on a washing line its really not that bad 55. Vacation: i havent been away since 2011:( but on that one it was a school trip, we went to america skiing, and on the way back had a stop over in france because it was cheaper than direct to england lol 56. Pair of trainers: i just live in vans tbh lol but i have a pair of nike hitops that are like 6 years old but theyre so comfy for like long distance driving/walking far lol

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: nothing 58. Drinking: water 59. I’m about to: do nothing tbh lol it's chill out time 60. No question here either so another fun fact: erm like i think im good with money??? like compared to me mates and that i think im less like sponteneous and i think more about what im buying and also what i could buy instead that i actually properly need lol 61. Waiting for: this was already a question??? 62. Want: i want the zephyr vans but we dont have that colour here;( 63. Get married: im honestly not too bothered if i do get married or not 64. Career: im like still not fully sure what i want to do, like i just do business in general at uni, but im leaning towards something in accounting and finance

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: the same height or taller, like im quite tall too so 68. Older or younger: i lean toward older but younger by a year or 2 is cool 69. No question here: ??????????????????????k 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: nice arms i guess 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant i suppose

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: nah 75. Drank hard liquour: ye 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i dont use either 77. Turned someone down: nah 78. Sex in the first date: nah 79. Broken someone’s heart: not to my knowledge 80. Had your heart broken: nah 81. Been arrested: nah 82. Cried when someone died: no one i know has died since i was like 6 so idk if i did then or not bc i cant remember 83. Fallen for a friend: nah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: most of the time 85. Miracles: sorta 86. Love at first sight: not really 87. Santa Claus: nah 88. Kiss in the first date: depends how it goes 89. Angels: nah

OTHER: 90. Current best friend’s name: i dont really have one tbh 91. Eye color: green 92. Favorite movie: im not much of a movie person tbh i probably watch three a year lol but my fav one i saw recently is girls trip

okay tagging: @run-run-run-rn @chensguns @auroraemberneko @22wooji n yeah cya

#i literally dont talk to anyone here anymore i have no one to tag grshw #you aint gotta do it obvs lol literally the only 4 people i can think of that are ingrained in my memory

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