#I LOVE. THE AMAROS. SO MUCH

[noxtivagus]

THE ALCHEMIST/CULINARIAN ROLE QUEST IN SHB 🥺

[alackofghosts]

honestly sometimes i log in not to rotate my camera around my wol but just the amaro hatchling

[impossible-rat-babies]

live footage of me thinking too hard about eyrie ;—;

[danny-pino-group-therapy]

I did a thing.

Photo credit X

[lupismaris]

No restaurant wins me over quite like a place with a charming wait staff that makes an effort for special occasions, throws in a bunch of free treats, and doesn't charge you for cocktails

[khajiitclaws]

I need the amaro mount so fucking bad!!!

[megalony]

Little Flirt

It's been a while, but this is a new Nick Amaro imagine, requested by the lovely @ilikestuffs-stuff. I hope you will all like it, please let me know what you think.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700 @ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro @itsgigikay

Masterlist

Summary: Nick is about to head home when he realises he's left some stuff at the precinct. So he takes his daughter with him to retrieve them, and the team meet his little girl.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright beautiful," Nick murmured softly as he kissed the top of Sophie's head, brushing his thumb across her rosy cheek when she leaned into him.

He bounced her on his hip, grinning to himself when she cosied up further into his chest like it was the middle of winter and she was trying to keep warm. Her hand was clutching his overcoat and her face was nuzzled down against his shoulder.

When he moved his hand from her cheek to rub up and down her back, she let out a content hum and started tapping her hand against his chest, still clinging to edge of his coat.

It wasn't often that Nick finished early enough to pick Sophie up from daycare, but today had been a half day since he had done the last three days in a row and worked late into the night on each shift. Leaving earlier meant he could pick Sophie up on his way home rather than (Y/n) having to come out and collect her and it meant Nick got a bit of time with his girl, one on one.

He reached the car and sat Sophie in his right arm so he could open the door and lean in to buckle her in. He clipped her in and pressed a sloppy kiss to her cheek which caused her to squeal.

She was only eighteen months old, but she was as cheeky as a ten year old and she knew just how to get Nick round her little finger. She was the apple of his eye.

"Are you ready?" He grinned when she smiled and nodded, not knowing what he was asking, only understanding his smile that radiated down at her.

Once she was in, Nick headed round and climbed in the driver's seat. He had livened up when he went in to get Sophie, but now he was starting to feel drained again. He knew once he got home he would be having something to eat and then he would spark out for a nap with Sophie. Neither of them would be doing much for the rest of the afternoon.

He turned on the ignition and glanced to the right when he got his phone from his pocket and tossed it on the passenger seat.

Where were his case files?

A deep frown set in his brow and he leaned across, moving his badge, the few takeout coffee cups and the pacifier and toys he had cluttering the seat. He stretched across to reach into the passenger footwell which seemed to tickle Sophie who giggled like he had just fallen over.

He needed those files. He had to up early in the morning to go down to court and be a witness. He had to have those files so he knew all of the relevant information and he needed the release papers for a suspect. After court Nick was meant to pick up a suspect from the cells. All those documents had to go with him so he could prepare tonight and then take them tomorrow to get the suspect, he couldn't get them released without the paperwork.

"Fuck." He tossed the empty cups and sat back in his seat, closing his eyes as he threw his head back.

Did he even pick them up from his desk? He had been in a rush to leave. The moment Liv said he could go home early, Nick packed up, grabbed his keys and shot out the squad room. He sent (Y/n) a quick message saying he would grab Sophie and would be home soon and came down here.

He didn't remember grabbing those files from his desk drawer.

Turning in his seat, Nick looked into the back where Sophie had her hand stuffed into her mouth, drooling happily as she wriggled from side to side along with the music on the radio.

"We're gonna make a detour to daddy's office, how's that sound?"

When she grinned, Nick reached out to shake her foot playfully before he spun round and put the car into gear. He didn't want to go back. He just wanted to go home, but the station was only ten minutes away and he could be in and out in two minutes. All he had to do was grab the files from his drawer and be right back out again.

He could hear Sophie giggling in the back and it made a smile light up his face. He leaned his elbow on the door and dragged his hand through his hair, brushing the forming curls back and causing them to stand on end in waves. He could feel a headache forming behind his eyes. He needed a drink and something to eat. He needed to sit down with his girls rather than work twenty hours a day on this case.

By the time he got back to the station and parked out front, Nick didn't feel like he had any energy within him to get out, let alone drive back home after he'd grabbed what he needed.

But he pushed himself out the car and ran his hands up and down his face before he opened the back door. No way was he leaving his toddler in the car, even if it would only take him a minute to grab what he needed. Someone snatching his daughter wasn't a risk he would ever take.

"Come're beautiful." He cooed, unstrapping her and cuddling her to his chest once again.

She was at the stage where she could walk now, not amazingly well, Sophie tended to keep her legs straight and kick her feet out a lot. But she could still walk, and if Nick had the time and the energy he would have put her down and let her walk for a bit. But that would take time and he didn't want to risk anyone knocking into her.

People were always rushing around, places to be and interviews they were late for. It wouldn't take much for someone to bump into her and send her flying or step back and stand on her without realising.

He loved the way Sophie looped her arm around the back of his neck and started to kick her legs that were settled around the side of his torso. When he felt her hand begin to bash on his chest as he walked into the reception, he reached up and took hold of her hand.

He swayed their hands back and forth as he headed straight down the hall towards the stairs at the back. He couldn't be bothered to wait for the lift.

"Where are we going? Daddy's work, yeah?" He murmured against the side of her head as they headed up the stairs and he bounced her in his arm just so she would giggle and wriggle against his chest.

The squadroom didn't look as empty as it did when he left. A few people were milling about, waiting for someone to take their statements and to have official interviews. There were more officers in here than usual and the phones were ringing and everyone was moving about trying to answer them.

For a dreaded moment, Nick thought walking back in here might make Liv change her mind and ask him to stay on until late. But when Sophie tapped his chest to get his attention, a wave of ease overcame him. He couldn't. He couldn't be asked to stay when he had his daughter here in his arms. She was his ticket back home.

"What, baby?" He whispered, leaning his head to one side as he tilted back to look at her properly.

His cheeks creased as a wide smile took over his features when his girl patted her hand on his cheek and leaned close. Nick obliged, leaning forward so he could kiss her. She was being sweet. Usually when she wanted a kiss, Sophie would just grab his face roughly in her hands and drag him close so she could get what she wanted.

Once he'd kissed her, twice, Nick smothered his lips against her temple and walked into the room.

He weaved around two officers stood talking to who he presumed would be a new case victim and his hand moved to rub up and down Sophie's back soothingly. He wasn't too sure if the noise in the station and the tense atmosphere might make her uneasy, but she seemed very content and eager to look around.

Once he was stood in front of his desk, Nick leaned forward and pointed towards the photo frame next to the phone.

"Who's that?"

A quiet "Mama," passed Sophie's lips as she grinned, showing off her little teeth and her tongue that poked out and made her look positively devilish.

It was one of Nick's favourite photos from his birthday two years ago, showing him with a dark pair of sunglasses, a beer raised in his hand and his arm around (Y/n). She had the brightest smile he had ever seen and Nick's chin perched on top of her head because (Y/n) always said they were 'like two pieces of a puzzle that slotted together just right.'

Keeping Sophie tilted into his chest, Nick leaned back and bent his knees so he could open his top desk drawer. He rummaged around and nodded to himself when he saw the files he thought he had picked up earlier. Those were what he needed; they could go home now.

Just as he shut the drawer, Nick leaned up straight and his eyes widened when a loud squeal passed Sophie's lips. She started to wriggle and her hand patted against her mouth, making a loud popping sound as she continued to squeal and laugh.

Nick cast his wide eyes around the station, trying to find what had caught his daughter's attention. And a soft sigh passed his lips that curved into a tepid grin when he looked and noticed Amanda heading right in their direction.

She had seen the girl in his arms and was making grabbing hands with wide eyes and an open mouth in shock.

Nick had never brought Sophie down to the station before. He never actually told the rest of the team that he had a little girl waiting at home for him. It never came up. Not everyone divulged personal information until they got to know everyone, and Nick was no different.

He didn't want to talk about Sophie. He never knew who might be listening and with the kind of people they brought in for questioning and had in custody around here, talking about his daughter didn't feel safe. It was easier not to.

She was his little girl and he liked having her as his secret, his and his alone, waiting at home for him.

He let a smile pull at his lips and he leaned Sophie back against his chest when he watched Amanda hurry over towards them.

"Who is this cutie?" Amanda's eyes danced between Nick and the little girl in his arms who she had never seen before. She held her hand out to which Sophie instantly took hold of and began swaying it back and forth in front of her like it was a toy to mess with.

"This is Sophie." He moved her a little bit higher on his hip and braced his other hip against the counter when Sophie started to move.

She began to wriggle around in his arms, swaying from side to side but she kept her left arm looped around Nick's neck like an insurance policy. Making sure he wasn't about to let her go or hand her over to someone she didn't know.

"I didn't know you had nieces."

Amanda smiled and leaned her right hand on the desk while she let Sophie sway her other hand in the air. She smoothed her thumb over the back of her hand and grinned across at her. She had no idea Nick had any kids in his family. She knew he had a little sister and that he was close to all the women in his family, but she didn't know much other than that.

"Uh, I don't. This is my baby girl." It was as if Sophie understood every word he said because she flashed her pearly whites and let go of Amanda's hand to grip the collar of his shirt instead. "Careful," He murmured, leaning his head forward towards her so she didn't strangle him with the force she yanked on his collar.

"Oh, wow." The surprise was evident in her eyes but her smile never wavered as she folded her arms over her chest and perched on the edge of his desk.

This was a new development.

Nick pressed a kiss to Sophie's cheek when she began tugging on his collar, subsequently undoing the first few buttons in the process. When she wriggled again, Nick sighed through a smile and leaned down, letting her stand on her own two feet.

There weren't many people nearby so she wasn't in danger of bumping into anyone or getting in the way. He would follow right behind her like a shadow if she tried to wander off and he would scoop her up if needed.

He could see she was excited at the prospect of being able to toddle around, her wide eyes were roaming around as if she was searching for trouble to scout out.

"How old is she?"

"Eighteen months." Nick folded his arms over the back of his chair but when he clocked his eyes on the files he had placed on his desk, he moved one hand to his pocket. He fished around for his keys and placed them on top of the file of documents, that way he wouldn't forget them for a second time.

His eyes followed Sophie as she started to bend her knees like she was doing a little dance. And when she twisted her head to look up at her dad like she was searching for approval, Nick grinned down at her and poked his tongue between his teeth.

A loud babble left her lips and she turned around, stomping her feet down on the spot before she looked in the other direction near the coffee station.

Nick looked behind him to see what had caught his daughter's attention and he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck when he realised she was looking over at Carisi.

Well, he knew bringing Sophie into the squad meant them all finding out about her, and it was too late now anyway. Amanda had already seen her and would no doubt fill in the rest of the team if he left now. He may as well let his girl wander round and see the team for a bit before they headed back home.

And it was endearing to see the way Carisi rose a brow and planted his hands on his hips when he saw the little girl staring intently at him.

She grinned, tangling her hands in front of her as she slowly trotted towards him, kicking her feet rather than properly bending her knees as she walked. Nick was rather surprised that she was so eager to go up to him, she was usually a little nervous and apprehensive around people she didn't know.

But with a wide grin that showed off her teeth and her tongue poking out, Sophie headed over to Carisi who squatted down to be level with her. He clasped his hands together between his thighs and smiled sweetly at her when she got close.

"Hi there sweetheart, where'd you come from?" When she tapped on his arm, Carisi held his hands out to see what she wanted. He let her take his hand but he was more than surprised when she shuffled forward to stand up close to him so their noses were almost touching.

A little babble left her lips and her eyes creased when she grinned which caused her nose to crinkle. She patted her hand down on his and said something else that Carisi couldn't make head nor tails of.

His eyes widened when her arms suddenly looped around his neck. She tugged and pulled until he realised she wanted to be picked up.

"Ahh…" His eyes scanned around, trying to see whose child she was so he wasn't overstepping any boundaries.

She could be the kid of a victim who had come in to make a statement. Carisi doubted she would be a suspect's child or in a suspect's custody or else the protective services would already be here to take her somewhere safe. And uniformed police wouldn't come here with their children, so he figured she was either a victim's child or one of their own detective's kid.

He narrowed his eyes when he caught Nick and Amanda both watching him and when Nick nodded, Carisi gingerly lifted the little girl up and stood back to his feet.

He walked over towards them, looking between them and the little girl who seemed to have taken a liking to him.

"What's your name?" He murmured softly, raising a brow when all he got in return was a quiet but rather chirpy 'fee'.

"Sophie." Nick corrected, emphasising the first syllable which his girl hadn't managed to master yet. He found it rather endearing the way she could only say the last syllable of her name, but they were working on pronouncing as she was finally starting to get some vocabulary.

"Don't tell me she's yours." Carisi bounced her in his arms, admiring the way she started to giggle and how it caused her to look rather devilish when she squinted her eyes and flashed her front teeth.

"My baby," He confirmed, holding his hands out to take her back into his arms. He kissed her cheek and rubbed his hand up and down her back, but he rose a brow when she kept looking over towards Carisi.

Her hands gathered against her chest like she was praying and when Carisi leaned down a little to look at her, she burst into a fit of giggles. She buried her cheek into her dad's neck, half hiding her face as she cuddled into him, clearly flustered at the attention. She had found a new friend.

"You're a little flirt, you know that?" Nick commented with a huff of indignation as he looked at his little girl.

Of course she didn't know what he was saying, but she knew enough to tilt her head up and kiss his cheek like she was buttering him up. Sophie already knew all she had to do was kiss Nick or cuddle up to him and she would have him wrapped around her finger.

"She's adorable, why didn't you tell us you had a little girl?"

"Just never came up." Nick murmured back while he smothered his lips against the top of his girl's head.

He bounced her in his arms and swayed from left to right as she cuddled into him again. He could tell that she was getting tired, she would be due a nap soon and Nick was already running on his last energy reserves. They both needed to head home for the afternoon and recover.

"Who let you two back in the building?"

Liv's voice rung out through the air and pointed across to her so Sophie would look and see who was heading their way towards the middle of the squad room.

"Hi Sophie, hi." A bright smile lit up Liv's face and she reached her hand out to brush Sophie's cheek. "How are you?" Her other hand tucked into her pocket and she leaned her head to one side as Sophie nodded. The happy expression on her face told Liv that she was okay and had been since the last time she had seen her.

"You knew, about her?"

"Of course I knew."

Nick could hardly keep this kind of information from Liv when she was his partner at work. She had seen him take a few worried calls from (Y/n), regarding their daughter. She had also seen Sophie on a few occasions. And now Liv was their Captain, she had to know who Nick's emergency contacts were and any dependants he had back home that relied on him.

She needed to know about his family in case anything happened to him on the job and she had to alert his emergency contact. Or if something happened at home and Nick would need to leave work to be with his family.

"Do you want a chocolate, sweetie?" Reaching behind her, Amanda scoured her desk until she found the bar of chocolate she hadn't opened yet. She was more than willing to share with the newest member of their team.

Nick turned to look at Amanda, a tender smile on his face but he shook his head.

He looked down at his girl, dragging his hand softly up and down her back while he murmured "What do we say?" against her temple and shook his head again.

All eyes fell onto Sophie when she lifted one hand and gently shook her index finger along with twisting her head from left to right. A quiet round of "No, no no," left her lips which caused a few soft laughs to befall the group as they watched her.

"She's allergic to milk, aren't you baby?"

They had to be cautious what they gave Sophie, she was allergic to most types of milk, even the baby formula. They had to buy a special product that didn't flare her skin up in blotches or make her throat swell or cause her to be sick. It meant no cheese, no regular drinking milk, no chocolate and they had to check all the treats and food they gave Sophie to try since she was able to eat little bits of normal food now.

When she got older they would have to buy her special varieties of chocolate that was made without milk and find biscuits and lots of snacks that she would be able to have.

"Oh, sorry. I'll find you some milk-free treats next time, honey." Amanda tossed the bar back on her desk before Sophie set her sights on it and got upset if she couldn't have it. She would get some little treats in for whenever Nick decided to bring her by the station next.

"Alright, we're gonna go home now, we only came back in for these." With his keys hooked onto his thumb, he grabbed the file he needed and eased Sophie back down to her feet so she could walk for a little bit and tire herself out. He held his hand out in front of her and traced his thumb over the back of her hand as she leaned into his leg.

"Bring her back to see us soon, won't you?" Amanda patted his shoulder and waved at Sophie who grinned, but it was clear she was starting to get tired.

"You saying bye?"

He motioned the file out towards the team, grinning softly when Sophie started to wave and babbled something akin to bye-bye.

Carisi leaned against his desk and crossed one leg over the other and when he waved, he muttered a soft "Bye cutie." And he couldn't help but laugh when she grinned and cuddled closer to Nick. She bounced up and down, bending her knees again and leaning back and forth until Nick started to walk, encouraging her to walk with him.

She kept looking back over her shoulder, grinning and babbling as she looked back at the team until she was finally in the corridor, out of sight. It was safe to say she had made some new friends back there.

***

A tender look crossed (Y/n)'s face when she padded into the living room. Reaching over, she softly turned the volume down on the tv that was playing an old Disney movie in the background, but her eyes were solely focused on the sight on the sofa.

Nick was in his slacks, a pair of grey joggers and a matching hoodie that looked a size too big for him. He had his feet hanging over the arm of the sofa, one arm bent behind his head which would surely make his hands and fingers go numb. And there on his chest, was Sophie.

The toddler was curled up on his chest, her head tucked into the crook of his neck with Nick's chin perched on top of her head. He had his left arm curved around her frame that looked small and petite with her knees tucked into her tummy and her frame as small as possible on his chest.

Moving over to them, (Y/n) gently squished down on the edge of the sofa, bumping into his hip as she did. She pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa and draped it across the pair of them before she slowly leaned forward and pecked his temple.

Her lips curved into a grin when Nick tilted his head back with a quiet grumble and he smiled. His eyes stayed closed, but he expertly tilted his head until he could brush his nose against hers and capture her in a kiss.

"You two look comfy." (Y/n) murmured against his lips as she moved her hand to hold his shoulder, steadying herself above him so she didn't fall down onto him and crush him or their girl.

She could see how tired he looked when he finally opened his eyes that were glazed and hazy as he looked up at her.

Nick unhooked his arm from behind his head and grazed his tingling fingertips across her cheek and down her skin so he could cup the back of her neck.

"Hm," He glanced his eyes down to Sophie who was dead to the world, breathing softly into his hoodie and creating a damp patch where she was starting to drool around her pacifier. "There's room for one more." Nick murmured.

He kept one arm looped around Sophie, making sure she didn't move or become disturbed while he inched to the left. He pressed his hip up against the back of the sofa and twisted a little so there was more room beside him for (Y/n).

He and their girl were too comfy to move at the moment. He wasn't sure what time it was, but Nick knew he would have to take Sophie upstairs and settle her to bed soon. But not yet. He had gotten showered, had tea and changed Sophie into her pyjamas before they sat down to watch a movie. He didn't intend to fall asleep but he couldn't help it. Once Sophie dozed off, Nick wasn't far behind.

He trailed his hand down (Y/n)'s neck and along her side until he tugged her back so she would take the hint and lie with them.

(Y/n) smiled and shuffled around, trying to lay on her left side without toppling backwards and falling off the sofa. She hooked her right leg over Nick's leg, pressing her knee into his, practically straddling his thigh. Her right arm looped over Sophie's back and she smiled when Nick draped the blanket over her too.

She nuzzled her head into his shoulder, smiling to herself as she cosied up into the hood of his hoodie that was scrunched up around his neck. It smelled of comfort and his aftershave and Nick was as warm as a hot water bottle.

She loved the way he started to drag his fingertips up and down her side, along her hip and over her thigh like he was drawing patterns into her skin and writing secret messages to her.

"This is nice." She whispered into his hoodie, closing her eyes that suddenly felt overwhelmed and tired. The three of them might just ending up sleeping down here if none of them had the energy to move soon.

Nick pressed a soft kiss to the top of (Y/n)'s head, keeping his lips there for a while as he breathed in the scent of her raspberry shampoo. His eyes fell closed and he could already feel himself on the verge of falling back asleep.

This was what he liked the most. After being stuck in the squad room for hours on end going through paperwork and case files and finding links and information and names. After seeing things he wished he hadn't witnessed and supporting victims who were broken, sometimes beyond repair, this is what kept him going.

This is what kept Nick going through those moments that stretched into days. He blundered on so he could have moments like this, with one of his girls in each arms. Laid out, no worries, no problems, no victims flashing before his eyes, no screams rattling around in his head. No danger, no paperwork, no stress.

Just him and his girls.

[fatecantstopme]

I Can't Walk Away

Pairing: Nick Amaro x plus size!reader

Summary: When you and your boyfriend break up, you're faced with the seemingly impossible task of putting yourself back together. Luckily for you, your very handsome coworker is more than happy to help along the way.

Warnings: Body image issues, low self-esteem, mentions of toxic/abusive relationships, cursing, use of pet names. SMUT, light dom/sub vibes, oral (F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V).

A/N: This was entirely self-indulgent and I have no regrets.

Spanish Translations:

Querida: sweetheart/darling

Hermosa: beautiful

Mierda: shit

Por favor: please

Si: yes

All other translations will be after the sentence in brackets/italics.

You dropped onto Olivia's couch with a huff, tears still threatening to break through your stubborn facade.

"Are we gonna talk about it or do I need to have someone beat him up?" Liv asked you, a small smirk gracing her face.

"As much as I'd love to see his ass get handed to him, I think we should avoid committing any crimes," you said lightly.

Olivia sighed softly and reached over to put her arm around you. You leaned into her shoulder and began to let your guard drop. Olivia had been your best friend for over a decade now, your time working together in SVU having brought you closer than you could have imagined.

"He was an asshole, (Y/N/N)," she said softly. "You deserve better."

"You say that, but I guess I just don't believe it," you muttered.

It nearly broke her heart to hear you speak so negatively of yourself, but she knew no matter how many uplifting words she spoke, you would still refuse to believe her.

"Maybe there's something wrong with me," you whispered, tears finally beginning to fall. "Maybe I'm broken--unloveable."

"Hey," she chided. "You are so many things, (Y/N), but broken and unloveable are not among them."

She tightened her grip on you, pulling you into a proper side hug. She let you cry into her shoulder, her own heart breaking along with yours.

You knew, objectively, she was right--your now-ex was indeed an asshole. He'd never treated you well and had often put you down and made you feel terrible about yourself. Your self-esteem had been lower than usual when you met him and in the 6 months you'd been together, he'd managed to destroy whatever vestige of self-love you had left.

There wasn't a single thing about you he didn't belittle. Whether it was your physical appearance, your career, your hobbies, your dreams...he made you feel like everything you ever did was a mistake. In his estimation, you were too fat, unintelligent, boring...and your choice in career was just about the worst thing you could do.

You'd made it your mission in life to help the victims of particularly heinous crimes, which is why you'd been working at SVU for almost 12 years. You were the squad's forensic psychologist, and you loved your work. In many respects, it was the one thing that really brought joy to your life. It was your greatest passion--and the amount of time you spent at work certainly showed it.

Yet during those 6 months with him...your love for the job had begun to wane. Every time you'd stay late or have to cancel a date, he'd berate you for it--mocking your job and your inability to 'be a real person'. Now that you'd finally taken the leap and broken up with him, you were hopeful you could fall back in love with your work.

In this moment, however, all you could think about were the horrible things he'd said to you when you told him you wanted to break up. He'd been especially cruel, calling out every physical insecurity you had and making you feel like an absolute pile of human garbage. He'd called you fat, ugly, unloveable, gross...and a million other things you couldn't bear to repeat.

You weren't thin--you knew that, but you weren't gross. That was just offensive. Unfortunately, he wasn't the first ex to make comments about your weight--something you'd been struggling with for most of your adult life. The words had hit you harder than you'd expected, making you actually think he might be right...maybe you were the problem.

Olivia's voice broke you out of your thoughts, "Do you want to stay here tonight?"

You just nodded, not trusting your voice to answer her properly.

She squeezed you a little tighter, her reassuring presence grounding you in ways you desperately needed. You were always thankful for her friendship, but it was moments like this where you were reminded how much she really meant to you.

**********

You'd spent most of the weekend at Olivia's and by the time Monday rolled around, you were feeling a little bit better. She always knew what to do and say to make everything okay. It was a gift you'd always envied and appreciated.

It was very typical of you to be the first person in the office, having been an early riser most of your life. So you were more than a little surprised when you walked into the precinct Monday morning and spotted Nick Amaro sitting at his desk.

"You're in early," you commented lightly in lieu of greeting.

He turned his gaze to look over at you and shot you a disarming smile. "I couldn't sleep, so I figured I might as well get a head start on some paperwork I've been putting off."

"Wise man. Wouldn't want to upset the boss."

He grinned. "She's strict." His voice was teasing and warm and it made you feel something in your gut you always tried to ignore.

In truth, you were extremely attracted to Nick--it was undeniable. You had not, nor would you ever, tell him or act on it. Nick was so far out of your league it wasn't even funny. Besides, he was newly single, still fresh from his divorce.

"She can be calmed with good coffee and blueberry muffins," you said conspiratorially.

Nick chuckled. "I'm gonna have to write that down."

You offered him a smile before continuing past him to your office. You were surprised when his voice stopped you after a few steps.

"How was your weekend?"

You turned back to face him. "Friday was absolute shit," you said honestly. "But I spent Saturday and part of yesterday with Liv, so it's better now."

A look of concern crossed his face. "Everything okay?"

You feigned a smile. "Everything's fine. Thanks for asking."

His eyes narrowed as he gazed at you skeptically. "Is it that guy again?"

Your cheeks darkened, embarrassed Nick even knew about your ex. "We broke up."

Nick almost looked relieved. "I would say sorry, but it wouldn't be honest. I never liked the guy--he didn't treat you right."

You were surprised he paid enough attention to the things you said to know just how badly your ex had treated you. "Oh?"

Nick stood up and took a couple steps closer to you. He was still a professional distance away, but he could speak quieter so only you could hear him.

"You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. You're an amazing woman, (Y/N), and a good man would never treat you the way he did. He clearly didn't recognize your worth."

His words slammed into you with surprising force. "I-um-thank you," you muttered softly.

"You can thank me by dating a man who will love you the way you deserve," he said lowly. "Como una reina." [Like a queen.]

His last three words were so quiet you weren't even sure you'd heard him properly--or if you were supposed to hear them at all. You weren't fluent in Spanish by any means, but you understood the basics...enough to know he'd said something about a queen. That is, if you heard him correctly.

You were about to ask him to elaborate when Olivia came into the squad room. She sent a warm smile your way and issued greetings to both you and Nick. Her arrival broke whatever spell Nick had been under, and he went back to his desk quietly.

You went into your office, leaving the door open behind you so you could hear the goings on and the arrival of the rest of the squad. There were plenty of things for you to do, but you couldn't get Nick's words out of your head.

**********

Olivia looked up from her computer when Nick knocked on the doorframe entering her office.

"Mind if I come in?" he asked.

"Sure," she said with a smile.

He came in and quietly shut the door behind him.

"Uh-oh...closed door conversation? Everything okay?"

"With me, yes," he answered. "But I wanted to ask you something and I don't want anyone overhearing."

"Okay..."

"It's about (Y/N)."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. "What about her?"

"She mentioned she'd spent the weekend with you and she and that asshole broke up."

Olivia chuckled softly, glad to hear she wasn't the only one who hated your ex.

"I know it's not really my business, but I can tell something is really upsetting her. Hell, I've noticed a change in her since the moment they started dating--and not in a good way."

"He isn't a good person," Olivia conceded.

"Tell me about it," Nick muttered. "Anyway, I just--well, I just want to know if she's okay? I mean, really okay."

"Why don't you ask her?"

"I did, but I know she wasn't being honest with me."

Olivia sighed. She had a feeling he was asking about you for a reason, but she wasn't sure it was her place to tell him the truth. She was torn between being honest with her partner and keeping her best friend's pain to herself.

"I don't know if it's my place to tell you, but he did say some particularly cruel things about her when she broke up with him."

Nick's eyes narrowed and Olivia could see the anger flare in them. "What did he say to her?" Even his voice was laced with fury--the mere idea someone would hurt you sent him off the edge.

"I can't tell you," Olivia answered. "But if you really want to know, then I think you should talk to her. She trusts you, so she may open up to you."

Nick nodded, anger still boiling beneath the surface. "You're right--I didn't mean to intrude or anything."

Olivia shook her head. "It's alright. I know you care about her...I guess I'm just a little surprised by your anger."

He winced slightly, feeling embarrassed for his display of emotion. "I don't like the idea of some guy making her feel like shit."

"Neither do I," she said honestly. "I am curious though...what made you ask about her?"

"Wha-what do you mean?"

Olivia smiled slowly. "I mean, why do you want to know badly enough to ask me?"

Nick had a feeling Olivia could see right through him--they'd been partners for a few years after all. He wasn't sure how to answer--or if he wanted to be entirely truthful. In the end, he opted for vague honesty. "I care about her."

Olivia watched his expression in silence for a long moment before responding. "So do I."

Nick could see the meaning behind her words as clearly as if she'd spoken them aloud--don't hurt my friend. He didn't say it, but he hoped Olivia knew he would never hurt you...it would break his heart.

**********

"Hey (Y/N/N). You busy?"

You looked up to see Nick standing in your office doorway, leaning against the frame. You swallowed thickly as you pushed down the improper thoughts blazing through your mind at the sight.

"Uh--no. What's up?"

He stepped into the room, edging closer to your desk. "I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight. My treat."

You raised your eyebrows at him, unsure of the cause of his request. "Is there some sort of celebration I'm unaware of?"

He chuckled lightly. "Other than your new-found freedom, no. I just...well, I wanted to spend a little time with you. Ya know, if you want."

You bit your bottom lip as you contemplated his offer. "Well, I don't have any other plans, so why not?"

He grinned. "Excellent. Do you want time to go home first or just leave from here?"

You looked down at your outfit, suddenly feeling very frumpy and unattractive. You knew he wasn't asking you out on a date--just a friend inviting you to dinner to cheer you up. Even still, you really didn't want to go out looking like this. "Do you mind if I go home and change first?"

"Not at all. I can pick you up from your place, if you'd like?"

"Oh, uh-yeah. Sure."

He smiled again. "Perfect. 6:30?"

You nodded. "Sounds good."

You watched him walk out of your office, mind racing as you tried to figure out his motivations and what the hell you were gonna wear.

**********

By the time 6pm rolled around, you'd managed to change your clothes somewhere in the realm of 50 times, and you still weren't entirely satisfied. Even your favorite outfit didn't feel right--you could hear your ex's voice in the back of your mind telling you everything you tried on looked bad.

You dug further into your closet, looking for something simple--cover the things you wanna hide and accentuate the things you wanna show off. Your eyes fell on a beautiful black dress you'd actually never worn. You'd purchased it on a whim because you'd loved it in the store and Olivia had insisted it was too perfect to pass up on.

You pulled the dress off the hanger and put it on, pleased it still fit properly. When you turned to look in the mirror, you almost didn't recognize yourself--you actually felt pretty. The bodice of the dress was tight, but the lower half was flowy. The material was a soft, stretch satin, with a low neckline and flutter sleeves. The dress hit right above your knees and it practically screamed for a pair of heels.

You found your favorite black pumps, slipping them on and smiling at your reflection. You put on some jewelry to spice up the look, sprayed your favorite perfume, and double checked your hair and makeup one last time. You didn't wear much makeup on the daily, so you didn't go too wild with your makeup for the evening. You'd added some eyeliner and lipstick, but otherwise you looked natural. You'd actually been having a good hair day already, so you were pleased to see it was still behaving properly.

You'd just put the last finishing touches on the outfit when you heard the buzzer ring. You quickly went to answer it, and upon hearing Nick's voice, told him you'd be right down.

You took one last look in the mirror, took a deep breath, and headed downstairs feeling both excited and trepidatious. You reminded yourself once again this was just two friends having dinner--purely platonic...but you'd be lying to yourself if you said you didn't want it to be an actual date.

Nick was waiting just outside the front entrance to your apartment building, and he turned around when he heard the door open. Nothing could have prepared you for the look on his face when he saw you.

"Santa mierda," he breathed. "You look incredible." [Holy shit.]

You blushed and looked away. "Thank you," you mumbled softly.

He stepped towards you and gently touched your chin, lifting your face to meet his gaze. "You're very welcome."

He dropped his hand, but his eyes stayed fixed on your face for a long moment. "Do you like Italian?" he asked.

"Of course," you answered, silently pleased your voice sounded normal.

"Excellent." He gestured towards his car and you followed behind him. He opened the passenger door and helped you in before getting in the driver's seat.

The drive wasn't very long, and your nerves kept you quiet for most of the ride. You listened to him chatter on about nothing, simply enjoying the sound of his voice.

When you arrived at the restaurant, he once again opened your door and helped you out, but this time his hand didn't leave yours. He placed your hand through the loop he'd made with his arm and guided you to the entrance.

Once you were seated, your nerves began to ratchet up even higher. Unfortunately for you, Nick was both an extremely good detective and an annoyingly perceptive person. As such, he noticed your discomfort immediately.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," you lied.

"It's just me, (Y/N/N)," he said quietly.

You exhaled slowly--realizing he was right. It was Nick for God's sake. He was your colleague, your friend. There was no reason to be nervous. "You're right."

He smiled, reaching across the table to squeeze your hand. He pulled it back to his side of the table as the server arrived for your drink order.

You were grateful for the glass of wine he delivered moments later, lifting it to your lips almost immediately. You knew the liquid would calm your nerves--maybe then you wouldn't embarrass yourself.

"I'm glad you agreed to have dinner with me," Nick said softly as he sipped his own glass of wine.

"I was a little surprised, in all honesty."

"That I asked or that you agreed?" he teased lightly.

You smiled. "Definitely the former."

"I hate seeing you upset," he admitted. "I thought I might be able to cheer you up a little."

"Thanks, Nick. You're a good friend."

His face fell slightly, but he quickly hid it behind a soft smile. "May I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Whatever he was going to ask was cut off by the arrival of the server to take your food order.

As soon as the server left the table, Nick leaned forward and lowered his voice. "What did he say to you that hurt you so much?"

"What?"

"Your ex."

Your expression shifted and you looked down at the table. "It doesn't matter."

"It does to me."

"Why?"

"Because whatever he said hurt you--and I'm willing to bet my career that he was wrong."

Your eyes snapped back up to meet his. His expression was deadly serious, yet it somehow put you at ease in a way only Nick could. "He said some unpleasant things about my physical appearance that I could have lived without hearing."

Surprise lit up his handsome face. "Unpleasant things about your appearance? I'll bet my life he was wrong."

Now it was your turn to be surprised. "I wouldn't make that bet, Nick."

"I'm confident. Tell me what he said and I'll judge for myself."

You took a deep breath, exhaling slowly before giving him a quick overview. "Essentially he said I'm unattractive and fat--I recall the word 'gross' being used as well."

Nick's temper flared instantly, the urge to punch that son of a bitch in the face nearly overwhelming. "He said what?"

Even if you didn't know Nick, you would have been able to see the rage simmering in his eyes, hear it in his tone. "It's not a big deal."

"If he was here, I'd launch him through a window. Bastard."

"I'm okay," you reassured him quietly.

Your soft voice grounded him, as it so often did, and he felt his anger dissipating. He was still angry, but the urge to hunt that asshole down had begun to fade.

"He was wrong, you know."

"Huh?"

"He was wrong. Not only are you one of the most beautiful women I have ever laid eyes on, but your body is perfectly proportioned--deliciously soft and curvy. You're about as far from gross as a human being can be."

He spoke with such conviction, such assuredness, that you almost believed him--almost.

"While I appreciate the compliment, Nick, you've never seen me naked...your opinion would change, trust me."

Nick's eyes flared with a new kind of intensity. "I highly doubt that."

"His did," you said quietly.

"He clearly didn't know what he had."

Your eyes met his, shoulders tense, discomfort obvious in every movement you made.

"Listen to me, (Y/N). I'll say it as many times as it takes for you to believe me--I think you're gorgeous. Stunning. Elegante. Sin fin perfecta." [Elegant. Endlessly perfect.] He reached for your hand and you let him take it in his. "You are a prize, (Y/N). Any man worth a damn would be honored to call you his."

You didn't know what to say. His words surprised you and warmed your soul at the same time. You could also feel the familiar tightening in your gut, accompanied by an entire swarm of butterflies dancing in your stomach.

"Forget every terrible thing he ever said to you, hermosa. Let me fill your mind with praise. Let me remind you of your beauty, inside and out, of your brilliance, of your kindness, your empathy...of all the little things that make you the incredible woman you are."

"Nick..." you whispered, his name the only coherent thing you were able to utter.

The moment was shattered by the arrival of your food. You'd been hungry when you sat down at the table, but your body was now flooded with a very different kind of hunger--a hunger you now believed Nick shared.

"Thank you, Nick," you said softly. "I know it's not nearly enough, but thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. I meant every word."

You gave him a small smile. "Still..."

He returned the expression.

The two of you ate in silence for several minutes, minds clearly elsewhere. After a while, Nick noticed you'd done more moving the food around the plate than actually eating and he called you out on it.

"Eat your food, querida. You'll need your strength."

Your head snapped up, eyes meeting his gaze. "For what?"

He leaned forward. "If you'll let me, I'm going to spend several hours showing you exactly how sexy I think you are."

You gulped. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

He grinned wolfishly. "By worshipping that amazing body of yours...over and over again, until you're screaming my name."

You suddenly found it very difficult to breathe, let alone eat. Nick, on the other hand, went right back to eating his food as if he hadn't just threatened you with an incredibly good time.

You had to force yourself to focus on your food, desperately trying to ignore the throbbing between your legs.

As soon as the meal was over, Nick asked for the check and paid, revealing just how desperate he was to get back to your place.

Once again, he helped you into the car, only this time his hand lingered on the small of your back.

Anticipation flooded through you as Nick drove through the streets of the city. You'd wanted him for so long--never once thinking he'd reciprocate the desire. Despite his words earlier in the evening, you still felt a shred of self-doubt...worrying he might not find you as attractive once you were naked.

"Where's that pretty head at, querida?" he asked softly, noticing your anxiety.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Of course."

"If you don't want to go through with this...you know, when you see me without my clothes on...please just tell me. I don't want you to feel like you have to do something you don't wanna do."

He reached over and grabbed your hand, squeezing it tightly. "I don't have to promise that because I know what I want, (Y/N)...and that's you. You could be a alien underneath those clothes and I'd still want you."

You laughed lightly. "I promise I'm not an alien."

He grinned. "Then we're gonna be just fine, baby."

You closed your eyes, silently willing yourself to believe him. You trusted him with your life--something you'd never experienced with any of your past relationships. Every fiber of your being told you Nick would never hurt you on purpose--never. You just needed to trust him--let go of your pain and give in to your desires.

When you finally made it back to your apartment, Nick gave you a gentle reminder. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to, (Y/N)."

"I want to," you whispered.

He inhaled slowly and took a step towards you. "Say 'no' or 'stop' and I'll stop immediately, okay? No hard feelings--I won't push you."

"I don't want to say no, Nick."

He took another step towards you, effectively backing you against the wall. "If you wanna stop--"

"Nick, please just kiss me," you begged softly.

He groaned softly before leaning in to press his lips to yours. His kiss was like fire and ice--more addictive than any drug known to man. He kissed you like you were the air he needed to breathe--like he would rather suffocate to death than stop.

He pressed his warm body against yours, wedging his knee between your thighs to keep you from squeezing them together. His tongue tangled with yours, quickly asserting dominance as he deepened the kiss.

Your hands went to the buttons on his white button down, quickly undoing them in a desperate need to feel his skin. He helped you remove the shirt, followed by his undershirt, leaving his toned chest bare for you to see.

You bit your lip and stifled a soft groan as you appreciated his form.

"You can touch me, querida," he said softly. "I wanna feel your soft hands on my skin."

You did as he asked, hands gliding over his smooth, tan skin. He sighed softly and leaned into your touch, lips grazing your jaw affectionately.

Your hands traveled to his hips and you began to loosen his belt. He allowed you to unbutton his pants and he helped you remove them.

"I think you're a bit overdressed for the occasion, hermosa," he teased huskily.

You tensed slightly, a feeling of dread washing over you.

Of course, Nick felt it and instantly began to sooth your worries. "You can keep on as much as you want, querida, but I want to see you. I've wanted to touch you like this since the day I met you. But if you're more comfortable keeping your clothes on, that's alright."

You looked up at him, his dark eyes warm and honest. You took a deep breath and pushed him back slightly, giving yourself the room to pull your dress off over your head.

You dropped your dress to the ground, but your eyes didn't meet his gaze--you couldn't even bring yourself to look at his face, too afraid of what you might see there.

"Querida, por favor," Nick whispered. "Look at me."

You looked up at him slowly, a soft gasp leaving your lips as you took in his hungry expression.

"I wanna kiss every square inch of your beautiful body, hermosa. Will you let me?"

You nodded tentatively.

"I need to hear you say it, baby," he pleaded.

"I want you Nick, please."

He groaned and pressed his body against yours again. "Say that again, querida."

"I want you," you whispered.

"Fuck--" He slammed his lips against yours, sliding his tongue into your mouth almost immediately. You melted in his arms, reveling in the feeling of his body against yours.

He finally pulled away to catch his breath, but his hands didn't leave your body. Now that he'd touched you so intimately, he never wanted to stop.

"Come with me," he whispered, before guiding you to your bedroom. "Lay down on the bed for me, querida."

You did as he asked, noticing how his eyes never left your body.

He made sure you were looking at him before he began to lower his boxer briefs, slowly revealing his large cock. He was already painfully hard, a bead of precum lingering at the tip.

You licked your lips in anticipation, an action he noticed with pride.

"Like what you see, hermosa?"

"Very much so."

He smiled and climbed onto the bed, covering your soft body with his hard one. "May I take off your bra?"

You nodded.

"Baby..." he said in a clear warning tone.

You understood his meaning instantly, a flood of arousal going straight to your core at the order. "Yes, papi."

His eyes widened for a moment, surprised and pleased at your use of the title. "Such a good girl, aren't you?"

A soft moan left your lips at the praise and he smiled to himself, pleased he was able to suss out what you liked.

His hand snaked around your back, deftly unclasping your bra with surprising ease. The moment your breasts were bared to his gaze, his mouth descended on you, taking a pert nipple into his mouth.

You moaned softly, fingers intertwining into his dark locks. His lips and hands massaged your breasts, giving them equal attention. True to his word, he moved tantalizingly slowly down your body, kissing every inch of skin he could, while avoiding where you needed him most.

By the time he made his way back up to your face, you were begging him to touch your pussy--pleading for some relief.

"Nick, please--I need you."

"What did you call me?" he asked harshly.

Your eyes widened lustfully. "I'm sorry, papi!"

He smiled, ghosting his fingers across your still-clothed pussy. "That's my good girl."

You whimpered at the feather-light touches he placed to your mound, desperate for more. "Please, papi."

"Hmm? Qué deseas?" [What do you want?]

"Please touch me," you begged.

"I am touching you, querida."

"More, papi. Please!"

He smiled. "Normally I'd take my time teasing you--making you beg for what you want...but if I'm being honest, I'm as desperate to touch you as you are to feel it, so I'll be nice to you this time."

He tugged your panties off quickly before spreading your thighs as wide as he could, revealing your dripping wet folds.

"All this for me, baby?" he growled.

"Only you, papi," you responded.

"Yeah? No one else makes you this wet?"

You shook your head vehemently. "No one else."

"Now I have one rule, hermosa. I wanna hear you--every little sound coming out of that pretty mouth. Be as loud as you want. Entiendes?" [Understand?]

"Si, papi," you whimpered.

He smirked as he lowered himself down onto the bed between your legs. His strong hands gripped your hips and he tugged you as close to his face as he could before diving into your pussy with a deep groan of pleasure.

You gasped at the sensation, the sound quickly becoming moans of enjoyment. Nick was quite skilled with his mouth--his tongue alone made you feel things you'd never before experienced.

Your fingers tangled into his hair, tugging at the roots as you desperately sought your release.

Nick held you in place as he continued his assault on your pussy, ensuring he had complete control over your pleasure.

"Feels so good," you gasped. "Gonna cum, papi."

He groaned against your clit, the vibrations sending a shockwave of pleasure through your body. He could feel how close you were by the way your thighs tried to close and your grip on his hair tightened.

Your moans became more desperate--needy, and he slid two fingers into your pussy, gently pressing into your g-spot rapidly.

You cried out, legs shaking slightly, seconds before your orgasm ripped through you like a tidal wave. His name left your lips in a gasped scream as he worked you through your high, only stopping when you began to squirm away.

You were completely breathless when he lifted his head, mouth and chin soaked in your juices. He licked his lips and wiped his mouth on his hand, licking it clean as he maintained eye contact with you. "You taste so good baby...I can't get enough."

You reached for him and he obliged, leaning forward to kiss you softly. You tasted yourself on his lips and tongue, a soft sound of pleasure escaping into his mouth.

"Querida," he whispered against your lips. "I need to be inside you."

"Please," you whimpered.

"Do you have protection?"

"I'm on the pill..."

"I'm clean," he assured you.

"Me too."

He lined his cock up with your entrance and looked back up at your face. "Are you sure, hermosa?"

"Si papi. I want you to fuck me."

He groaned softly before thrusting into you, sheathing himself fully inside of you in one swift movement.

You cried out, the stretch both overwhelming and extremely pleasurable all at once. You clutched his neck and he breathed deeply, trying to calm his racing heart.

"You can move," you whispered.

"Not yet, querida. I need a moment."

"Are you okay?" you asked in concern.

"Your pussy feels so damn incredible, baby...I'm just trying to control myself so I don't hurt you."

You bit your lip and lifted his face up to look at you. "I like a little bit of pain, papi." You clenched your pussy tightly for emphasis.

"Mierda," he ground out. "You sure?"

"Fuck me senseless, Nick. Por favor."

As much as he loved you calling him 'papi', hearing you say his name like that made him feral. He pulled out and thrust back in harshly, starting a fast, hard pace.

"Baby, say my name again," he begged.

"Nick," you moaned lowly.

"Fuck." He was fucking you like it was the last thing he was ever going to do and you'd never experienced anything like it.

You felt the coil tightening in your abdomen, and for the first time in your life, you knew you were going to cum during penetration. Your moans were loud enough to wake the neighbors, your nails dug into his muscular back, and your pussy had his cock in a vice grip.

"You gonna cum for me, (Y/N)?"

You nodded rapidly, unable to voice a response. The only thing coming out of your mouth was a string of incoherent moans and pleas.

"I wanna feel you cum, baby. Cubre mi polla." [Coat my cock.]

"Nick!" you whined.

"What do you need, querida? Tell me."

"More," you whimpered.

He slipped his hand between your bodies and began to gently massage your clit. "This what you need, baby?"

"Nick!" you screamed. "Don't stop!"

"That's it, baby. That's it. I've got you. Cum for me, querida. Ven por mí." [Come for me.]

You cried out in ecstasy as the waves of pleasure overwhelmed your senses. You clung to him desperately, as if he was a life raft while you were adrift in the ocean.

He began to chase his own high as you came down, your awareness coming back to you. His thrusts were fast and rough, his breathing ragged.

"I want you to cum for me, papi. Fill me up," you begged.

"Dios mio! You feel so good, baby. Wanna cum for you."

You clenched your pussy as tightly as you could, desperate for him to enjoy this as much as you did.

"(Y/N)!" he cried out as he came, his hot seed filling you up.

His thrusts slowed and faltered before he finally collapsed on top of you, breathless and satiated.

You held him close, running your fingers through his hair as he caught his breath. You were a little worried he would regret this now that it was over, but your fears were assuaged the moment he lifted his head to look at you.

His beautiful brown eyes were warm and loving as he gazed at you, happiness and contentment clear in his expression. "That was incredible," he murmured softly.

You blushed slightly. "You were incredible."

"As were you, querida."

He pressed his lips to yours as he pulled himself up. He rolled onto his side and pulled you with him, so your head rested against his chest.

"I'm thinking we take a power nap, then we go for round two," Nick said softly.

"Round two?!"

He grinned. "I did promise you I was gonna worship this sexy body of yours for hours."

"I didn't think you were serious, Nick," you said with a chuckle.

"Oh, baby, I'm always serious about worshipping you. I think you'll learn that very quickly."

You smiled and kissed his chest softly. You debated whether you wanted to voice the question that popped into your head, but once again, Nick beat you to it.

"You know this isn't a one time thing, right?" Nick asked gently. "I mean, unless you want it to be."

You looked up at him, expression soft and affectionate. "I was actually just going to ask you that."

He grinned. "So...you saying you might wanna see me again?"

"I see you every day, Nick," you teased.

"I mean like this, hermosa. Naked in your bed, making you scream my name, giving you as much pleasure as your pretty little body will take."

Your breath hitched in your chest, giving away just how badly you wanted that. "That too."

He chuckled and kissed the top of your head. "If I'm lucky, you'll let me take you out more too. Dinner, dancing, walks in the park, musicals...whatever you want. Wherever you go, I want to be there too."

Your eyes widened in surprise and tears filled them. You'd never had someone speak to you the way Nick did, let alone want to be with you in the way he just described.

"Querida," he whispered as he wiped your eyes. "Don't cry."

"Tears of joy," you assured him. "I promise."

His expression warmed, filling with the love and admiration he clearly felt for you. "So you'll be mine then? Exclusively?"

Your lips parted and you smiled. "I would love that."

He smiled back. "Thank god...because whether you knew it or not, I've been yours exclusively for the past year."

"What?"

He blushed slightly. "I...well I've wanted to be with you since my marriage fell apart, but I didn't want you to think you were some kind of rebound, so I kept myself professional. It's gotten harder and harder to do and then seeing you dating someone who treated you so terribly knowing full-well I would die for you made it nearly impossible."

"I didn't know," you whispered.

"I went to great lengths to make sure of that," Nick said softly. "But now that I have you? Now that I know what it's like to touch you, hold you, kiss you, make love to you? Baby, I can't walk away. You're stuck with me."

You pulled yourself up into a sitting position, straddling his strong body. You leaned down to kiss him softly, pouring all of your emotion into the kiss. "There's no one I'd rather be stuck with, Nick Amaro," you whispered against his lips.

He grinned and wrapped his arms around you, kissing you with as much passion as he could muster. He was determined to spend every minute of the rest of his life making sure you knew how incredible you were, how much he appreciated you, and how madly in love with you he would always be.

[railingsofsorrow]

5 hours apart

[spencer reid x reader]

summary: “I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts.” “I don't want you to miss me. It's tearing me apart.” from this prompt list.

pairing: spencer reid x svu!detective!f!reader

w.c: 3.7K

warnings/content: long distance relationship; crying; sadness; discussions of a case related to kidnapping (brief); migraine; this o.s approaches healthy siblings dynamic and some childhood trauma, be aware; discussions about marriage; spencer does not beat the pipe cleaner allegations.

A/N: decided to do a crossover one shot between criminal minds and law and order: svu (my newest obsession)because I love both shows (and nick amaro has older brother vibes) and it fit pretty well. there's like a few Spanish terms that I used and please consider that I did Spanish in high school and had a few classes afterwards, forgive me if I made some misspellings.

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There are two missed calls on your phonescreen when you turn it on. The heavy load of paperwork you needed to finish plus the migraine that did not leave you alone forced you to turn your phone off during the daytime so you could concentrate on working. Amanda and Fin telling you to go home wasn't as effective as your boss ordering the exact same thing upon seeing your tired state. Thankfully, by the time he did that, you had already finished everything and you happily obliged.

The keychain clinking against the doorknob makes you drop your shoulders in relief. You aren't home but it's close enough. It's been a few months since you have stepped into your brother's place, but it's the same as you remember. Grey couch, the spotless kitchen island that you can see as soon as you walk in, the innumerous pictures of your brother and your niece scattered around the walls.

You throw your dark brown blazer on the loveseat across the room and sit on the couch unceremoniously, pressing play on the latest voice message.

“Hey... It's me. I called you before and it went straight to voicemail, I... I forgot to say something.” You snort, hair falling off of your ponytail as you let it loose down your shoulders. Never have you ever seen your boyfriend forget something. “I'm sorry I couldn't make it. I know I promised and I really wanted to go but the case, it was a serious one, they needed me.” The guilt in his voice breaks a part of you inside. “I-I'm sorry I let you down.” There's a beat, some voices in the background that you can't make out who it is because they're too far away. “I love you and I'll make it up to you, okay? Call me when you can, please.” And the message ends.

You only notice you start crying when a sob echoes through the room and the sound comes from you.

You were never mad at him. Deep down, you expected him to cancel on you because of a case, you knew you would if you were needed. Both if you are not the kind of people who let your people hanging, especially if the reason is work. And that's fine, when you started dating Spencer, that was the first thing you understood, as he did.

Being far away from him is what kills you. You manage to work long-distance. He visits you on his (rare) day-offs, you escape for a few days to Virginia. It works. It's how you do. But there are moments in which you just need him close and it's not like you can drive over to his apartment right away. 5 hours apart does that to a couple. It's not unbearable, but it's painful.

You miss him.

So you dial the number you know by heart, sniffling quietly on your bubble of loneliness in the empty apartment.

You don't know where he is, if he's home, if he's in a completely different timezone. You don't care.

It rings twice before his voice fills up the call. “Hi—Hey, angel.” He sounds frantic. You smile thinking he must have been waiting for your call.

“Hey, Spence,” you respond, folding your knees on the couch. “Are you home? I didn't text first to see if it was a good time to talk, sorry.”

“It's always a good time to talk to you.” He says without hesitantion. “I'm on the motel, packing.”

“Oh, so did the case end okay?”

You can feel the relief through his exhale. “Yes, we found the boy on time. He's finally back with his parents. Home.”

Your mouth twitches, “that's good.” And you make sure to add as you always do, “you saved a life today, I'm proud of you.”

His soft awkward chuckle causes a tearful grin out of you. You can practically see him blushing.

“Thank you. It was... It's a good feeling.”

“Are you happy?”

“Not really.”

You brows furrow slightly. “Why? Did something happen?”

“I miss you,” he says. “I am happy that we saved someone today, of course but... You know, the first person I wanted to tell it to was you. I just— I miss you. So much it hurts.”

You close your eyes as the tears slip one by one down your cheeks, you felt their salty taste. Your chest clenching as you stay silent for what feels like several minutes until Spencer's concerned tone breaks the silence.

“Angel?”

“Please don't miss me. It's tearing me apart.” Your request doesn't quite make sense but you don't have time to think it through before you say it. It just what comes out of your heart.

“Please, don't cry.”

You let out a tearful laugh, attempting to dry your tears foolishly.

“I'm always missing you, sweetheart. I'm sorry but that's inevitable.” He adds, sadly.

“It hurts so fucking much.”

Spencer clears his throat and you know he's either refraining from crying himself or trying to mask it.

“I know. I'm sorry.” He pauses. “I wish I was there.”

You shake your head even though he can't see it. “'s not your fault. It's your job, you can't help it.”

"I hate it that you're crying and I'm not there to comfort you."

"I'm fine," you whisper, sniffling. "Don't worry about me. Today was just... A shitty day, really."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You hum, fiddling with the soft fabric of the light green hand-knit throw blanket your brother always left on his couch. "Migraine." It's what you say and all he needs to know to wince in the other side of the line.

"Did you take something for it?" Spencer is aware of your frequent migraines and how much they bother you.

"Yeah, it's okay now." You reply even though there's a little painful pang in the back of your back right now.

"Maybe you should try to sleep a little. Did you know that sleeping seven hours every night impacts on your focus, body weight and immune system? Actually, adults aged from sixteen to sixty years should all get at least seven hours sleep every night, but that's almost never happens because of people's usual hectic work schedules-" He sucks in a breathe upon noticing he's rambling non-stop. You laugh and suddenly the harsh grip on your heart diminishes a little. His voice appeasing the momentary heartache you're going through.

"Says you. Who never sleeps, anyway. And work on caffeine 24/7."

"Hey," his tone has a tinge of amusement but he pretends to be offended. "I sleep."

"You do when I'm there. Cause I force you."

"Oh, you're so cruel to me, angel."

Your lips widen into a smirk. "That I am."

The conversation carries on for a while, until you figure out which time it is where he is and immediately orders him to go to sleep because he has an early flight to catch in the morning. He's reluctant, but he eventually lets it go because you need to sleep too and you will talk in the next day again.

Before he hangs up, he asks, the first time he hesitates in the call. "Uh, does- does your brother hate me?"

Your brain takes a few seconds to grasp what he's implying, until you remember what was supposed to happen this weekend. Spencer would come over to your place in New York to meet your brother.

You bite your lip, straightening your legs out on the ouch. "Yeah, about that..."

"He does, doesn't he? I don't blame him, I did screw up-"

"Wait, baby, that's not it. I... I actually didn't tell him." A pause, you curse under your breath. Now he must thing you didn't want him to come. "Spence?"

"Did I pressure to do something you didn't want? I should have asked you if you wanted meet to meet him, right? I think I kind of invited myself over and-"

"Stop." You cut him off. "No, Spencer. You didn't pressure me into anything. I want you two to meet, of course I do. You're one of the most important people to me, but I really forgot. I'm not making up an excuse."

"Alright, yeah. Okay." He says and you hear a door closing and wood creaking. He must be sitting on the bed.

"I love you." You receive the mental image of the scrunch of his nose and the smile he can't help whenever you drop the L bomb out of nowhere. "And you know he doesn't have to approve anything, right? Nick has no say in who I date or not."

"But he's your brother, he's important to you and I would meet him someday anyway because- I, well." Your body shakes with laughter and the phone almost drops from your hand.

"What, are you proposing now, genius? Through the phone, really?"

"Don't make fun of me." Spencer warns playfully.

You take a few seconds to process that he doesn't deny it. You said it as a joke but he didn't even deny it that he thinks about marrying you. God, your chest could combust.

"You think about it?" You ask, shifting your position to bring your knees to your chest. "Us? Someday?"

"You mean getting married to you? Yes. I do. We haven't discussed it yet, but... Yes, I do think about it."

"Mhm."

"Has it ever... crossed your mind?" He's reluctant, shy to ask even. You find it cute as everything Spencer Reid does. Marriage is something that never really crossed your mind, to be honest. You think is nice when people get married and show their love to their loved ones, but your parents' relationship carved a fear deep within your chest and your entire perception of love had to be relearned through the years they separated. One thing that you learned is that no person and no relationship is the same. It's not because your father broke your trust and destroyed a part of your and your brother's childhood that your future partners will do the same. It is easier said than done, but you're coming around to the idea.

"Not before you." You admit quietly.

"Oh."

“Yeah.” You ponder out loud. “It scares me a bit, that I consider spending the rest of my life by your side. Doesn't it scare you?”

“It does,” he replies. “But the idea is nice to think about.”

You smile, letting out a soft breath. “Yeah, it is nice.”

A male voice calls out for him in his end and you know he has to go. You had already taken up much of his time, anyway.

“They want to go to a bar nearby to celebrate.” Spencer explains to you, not sounding too thrilled about the idea.

You snicker, “go have fun, genius. You deserve it. Try to enjoy it even if this is not your usual idea for fun. I love you.”

“I love you more.” Spencer says and laughs at your groan of protest on the other side.

“We're not going to be one of those couples who never hang up because you love me more or no, I love you more, Spencer.”

“I just like to mess with you.” He admits with an edge of amusement to his tone. And damn you miss the smirk you know he's making right now.

“Yeah, I know. Now go, have fun. And have a safe flight tomorrow, text me when you land?”

“Of course, angel. Try to sleep a bit, you need the rest.”

You smile. “Sure. Bye, Spence.”

“Bye, angel.”

An hour or two goes by since your phone call with your boyfriend and manage to cook some dinner and then throw yourself back on the couch while a random show is played on TV. You end up falling asleep and wake up upon hearing the jiggling keys against the door of your brother's apartment, rubbing your eyes in your disoriented sleepy state. Checking your phone, the screen says 11p.m.

Nick stops midway from his way to the couch, where he was probably about to throw himself at. From his tired eyes and hunched over stance, you are able to tell how exhausted he is. “Why are you always here?” Nick throws himself on the floor instead, his head falling against your knees. The tone he used would make you slap him right behind his ear, if you weren't still with your mind in that phone call and a million miles away from New York. “I thought you rented an apartment. Or is it that you just miss me?”

“I don't miss you.” You mumble, voice muffled by the soft fabric of the blanket covering half of your face. “I see you every day, idiot. How can I miss you.”

Nick raises an arm towards your calf and you immediately kick his hand away before it can get to your feet. He chuckles, fluttering his eyes open for the first time since he got home. He glances up at you, who's glaring at him. His smile falls.

“What's wrong?”

You shrug, pulling your knees up to your chest and turning your head towards the TV. You weren't paying attention since the show started, you had no idea what is going on. “I cooked dinner. Left you a plate on the microwave. Go eat, I bet you didn't have a proper meal. You never do.”

“That's not true—”

“Eating burritos isn't a proper meal, Nick.” You groan as he tries to take another look at your face. “Stop it. I'm fine.”

“Yeah, I don't buy it. What happened?” If there's one thing your brother is, that thing is anxious. Nick is a worrier. And he's completely paranoid about knowing what's going on to find a solution before the time runs out. Even if there is no time to run out. He gently tips your chin up, frowning. “Why have you been cryin’?”

You turn your face away from his reach, sitting up on the couch. You take a moment to form your answer and he's anxiously waiting for it, coffee-brown eyes inspecting your matching ones.

You decide to go simple, but it's also the truth. “'s not a good day, that's all.”

He blinks and then the concern opens some space for understanding in his expression. And just like that, he figures out what's been making you upset. You don't doubt that he really knows, since your brother and you always understand each other with a look.

“D'you wanna talk about it?” His usual sarcastic tone gives place to a softer one. The one he uses in moments where his little sister needs her older brother.

You shrug, letting out a sigh before resting your head against the couch, eyes studying the ceiling. “It's nothing, I just... I miss Virginia, that's all.”

Nick hums, nodding. “You mean you miss the skinny kid from the FBI.”

A laugh bubbles out of you unexpectedly, you playfully shove his shoulder as he offers you an unimpressed look.

“Stop being mean to him.”

“Me?” Nick pulls himself up to the sofa, groaning when his joints complain as he stands up. “'m not being mean to anybody.”

“Okay, grandpa.”

“Hey,” he throws a pillow at you, narrowing his eyes threateningly. “you don't get to be mean to me.” You roll your eyes. There he goes playing the older card that just makes him look exactly like an elderly. “Why don't you take a few days off? I can't remember the last time you did that.” Before you can respond to that, he frowns, turning to you as if he just had thought of something. “Or why doesn't the skinny kid come and visit you? It's not that hard.”

“He was gonna to that this weekend.” His raised eyebrow makes you sigh and shake your head. “He had a case last minute, so he couldn't.”

He pauses, munching on his cheek. You question his thoughtful expression.

“What? No jokes now?”

“It's serious then? You and him.”

You blink at him, puzzled by the question. It wasn't what you expected. “W—yes. Why would you ask that?” He had walked up to the kitchen to grab a bite of whatever you had made him and you followed right behind.

“Nothin’,” he says, turning the microwave on and stepping towards the fridge to grab something to drink. “I just never saw you in a serious relationship.”

You pause.

Okay, you had a few flings in your life, it's not like your love life is messy, it is actually pretty simple. You and the people you've previously have relationships (or situationships) enjoyed having fun. You weren't looking for anything serious and when you were... well, your job got in the way. Until Spencer Reid. He's the unexpected occurrence that showed up during a local case to investigate a series of murders in the city of New York and both of your teams worked together. If someone told you before that you would get attached so quickly to someone and consider driving five hours just because you missed them then you would have laughed in their face.

Your brother might actually have a point. He had never seen you in a serious commitment before, he has, however, had the opportunity to try and scare off some of your partners — the ones he accidentally met, at least.

“I don't need to disclosure every aspect of my love life to you, Nicholas.”

You crossed your arms as the corner of his lips lift in a knowing smile. “Stand down, tiger. I just made an observation, no need to get defensive.”

“I'm not.” You say, shifting on your feet, suddenly self-conscious with the whole conversation. It's difficult to talk about someone so important to you to another someone that's important to you. You've never share much about your personal life and inner struggles with anybody, and that has everything to do with the man you call “father” in the biological sense. But Spencer managed to push through these walls and he didn't demeaned you because of your trauma, neither did he treated you as if you were made out of glass, that you could shatter at any given second. He understood you and you understood him, which is why love has always been within your reach in your relationship. It was only a matter of time.

“He's important to you, isn't he?” The microwave beeped but none of you move.

“Yes.” You utter, playing with the ring on your index finger. “I know we don't— we don't talk about these stuff...”

“We can if you want to—”

“No, it's not— That's not it. I mean. You're my brother and we have a good communication but I never felt the need to formally introduce anyone to you because you're family, Nick. You're my only family,” you finally look at him. “If it ever got to the point, one day, where it was worth it for me to do that, then I would. I just thought that I wasn't made for love, you know?”

You see him rushing to disagree with you and probably say you can't think like this and that is not true, so you intervene before, smiling.

“But I know that that is not true, alright? Porque le quiero y sé que él también.” His eyes soften at your claim and you feel like crying again because you miss Spencer and you wish he's there with you. “So yeah, it is serious. And the reason he was going to come visit me was to meet you properly.”

“What?”

“Yes. That was my reaction too.” A fond smile takes over your mouth. “He insisted he wanted to meet you because he knows how important you are to me.”

“Oh.” He is officially caught off guard and it makes you chuckle. That is a rare image you're seeing in front of you. No one catches Nick Amaro off guard. One point to Spencer, I guess. “Well, now I just have to meet this chico who stole my sister's heart.” He's back to his playful persona, lifting a hand to ruffle your hair, and you flip him off. “Let's see if he is all that you claim he is.”

“He's a good guy, asshole.” He hums, munching on his food. “You'll see,” you say with a small grin while you turn back to the living room to lay back on the couch.

“We'll see.” He mumbles from the kitchen, shaking his head when a thought crosses his mind. He can't believe you fell in love, he still sees you as an annoying toddler who wouldn't let him be at school while he was trying to impress his friends because you were too shy to make your own and would cling to him like a lifeline. In all honesty, Nick has always enjoyed your company, it makes him feel grounded. He cares about your well-being and tries to protect you from every bad thing you have to face, but he knows he can't. Sometimes, you gotta face things on your own. And, sometimes, you don't need your older brother to shield you from pain. It's hard for him to accept that, especially after what you both endured through your lives.

You're all grown up now and he has to stand down his overprotective side because you can handle things, he knows you do. Though he'll be there, in the corner, having your back as always. Because that's what brothers do.

Hopefully, this Spencer Reid will pass the test.

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[translation]

Porque le quiero y sé que él también. = because I love him and I know that he does too

chico = boy, kid

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taglist: @lilyviolets ; @whore-for-spencer-reid ; @yeonalie @ninkieminjaj ;

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Nick Amaro NSFW Alphabet  

Guys I finished rewatching season 14 and I forgot how much I hate the storyline they give Nick. I love him as a character, but I would love to completely reconstruct his backstory. He has to be one of the most personally screwed-over characters in SVU. Am I the only one who hates the hidden love child-which I’m completely disregarding? Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this!  

Warnings- Some Maria-hate (sorry not sorry).  

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) 

Nick's aftercare is exceptional. He cleans you up, washing any mess he has made off you with a warm washcloth or a hot shower. Then it is cuddling and whatever you want in your post-glow bliss. Usually, it’s time for you to talk about whatever you want. Something you did, a movie you saw, an awful joke you heard that you laughed at but didn’t seem worth bothering him about. He wants to hear it all.

It’s a time that you have this full attention. Sometimes it leads to more vulnerable emotional conversations that he seems to have an easier time having when his walls are down after sex. Sometimes words are too much and the two of you just hold each other, caressing each other's bodies.  

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and their partner’s)  

Nick’s favorite body part of himself is his hands. They are rough, calloused, and strong from years of sports, hard work, and shooting a gun. They are dexterous and versatile enough to accomplish his endless paperwork, playing catch with Zara, fixing things around the house, and his favorite teasing you with them until you come apart so prettily with his name on your lips. 

Nick loves your entire body. He tells you all the time there is nothing he would ever change. He loves your curves and doesn’t discriminate between them. Why be a boobs or ass man, when he has two hands and a willing mouth that can have both and more?  

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)  

Nick is a jealous man, and he knows it. You are his and nobody else. After spending a significant amount of time watching any another man try to talk or flirt with you there is nothing more that he wants to do than take you to his bed and paint his cum all over your body. It gives him undeniable satisfaction seeing his seed on your skin claiming you in the most barbaric way. He should hate it because it may be considered demeaning, but he can’t. Even later when he is cleaning you up, he smiles knowing the evidence of his DNA still lingers on your skin, clinging to you.    

D = Dirty secret (self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)  

It’s not necessarily dirty but you made Nick come embarrassingly early by calling him Papi one day out of nowhere while you were riding him. He never liked the idea of being called daddy by his partners. It seemed weird to him but hearing the word Papi come from your lips as you took your pleasure from him did all the right things.

When you guys were basking in the afterglow, he casually asked you about the nickname. You had admitted that one of your friends had told you it was a common term of endearment for Cuban men but you seemed a bit embarrassed. Instead of just telling you he liked it he spent the next few months trying to casually reinforce the nickname whenever you used it by getting you off as many times as possible.     

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)  

Nick has experience. While he did go through a bit of a Casanova stage in his teens and early twenties, he has always been more of a long-term partner kind of guy. The different women did teach him about different ways to enjoy sex and a bit of experimentation. However, when he married Maria, it was narrowed down to what she liked. She liked sex that was very plain and vanilla, missionary mostly. She wasn't very interested in sex after she had Zara and what they did do was repetitive.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) 

Nick’s favorite position is doggy. He likes the control of your body it gives. His hands are free to caress and massage you. He can take you with your back pressed tightly to his chest fistful of your hair to make you look at him and steal open mouth kisses as he thrust into you. Or he can push you down on your knees with your face in the mattress as he holds your wrist behind your back and pounds into you hard and fast. Moans and his name bouncing from the walls as he takes you deeper and deeper. He loves leaving Hickes and love bites on your neck and down the back of your shoulder.      

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)  

Nick is a very passionate man but that doesn’t always translate into seriousness. You guys have had sex that you have laughed halfway through. You have been mid sex and his beard rubbed just right to tickle you and send you squirming with laughter that was contagious.  

H = Hair (how well-groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) 

Nick’s hair is dark and thick, and it curls when it gets too long. He keeps it trimmed up for hygiene's sake typically. He doesn’t think much about it when it gets overgrown when life is too busy, or he just can’t be bothered. When he is in a relationship, he keeps up on it more as a respectful consideration for you. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)  

Nick is the definition of a Latino lover. He will spend his time with foreplay and the sex making sure you know how important you and your pleasure are to him. He calls you sweet nicknames and tells you how much you mean to him and how he has missed you and your body. If he pins your hands, he intertwines your fingers.  

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) 

 Nick doesn’t masturbate often. When he does it's usually not to pleasure himself so much as to get a release from some stress. It’s quick and efficient and then he washes up and continues with his day or gets ready for sleep. He will also get himself off if he is horny, but you are not available or in the mood.      

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) 

Nick’s love language is words of affirmation, and he has a major praise kink that he likes to mix with his dirty talk. He is also a bit of an exhibitionist. He likes to push the line of where you can have sex without getting caught. Just be careful while he’s drinking because it heightens all these kinks and can lead to some pretty close calls.  

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) 

Nick’s favorite place to have sex is the bedroom because it has the most options and comfort. He has become a big fan of the laundry room. While the space is limited, Zara doesn’t feel the need to interrupt when you go in there because she doesn’t think there is anything of value and would rather watch TV while you guys do the ‘laundry’ unlike when you guys try to sneak away to the bedroom or bathroom. There is a door so there is no risk of her getting in there unexpectedly. Nick has also found many uses for the dryer while it’s on that aren’t clothes-related.     

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) 

Nick is not hard to convince to have sex or turn on. But he is a very visual man, and if you want to make him go feral wearing lingerie or one of his shirts buttoned halfway up is a good way of giving him an instant boner.    

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)  

Nick grew up with an abusive dad and he watched him beat his mom. He will never hit, slap, or do anything that could hurt you. An open-palmed smack on the ass is about as far as he will take it and that’s only if you enjoy it. He will never degrade you because it is against his morals of respecting women.    

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)  

Nick likes to get as much as he likes to receive. He wants you to sit on his face, sit not hover. If you don’t know the difference, he will pull you down on top of him and lick and devour your cunt until your legs are shaking to the point where sitting is the only option. He will work you up so well you will be riding his face. He loves 69ing too. Your moan vibrating around his dick from the pleasure of him eating out your pretty pussy? The answer is always yes.  

Nick loves a good blowjob. You found that it can fix his bad attitude. He came home in a bad mood and was trying to start a fight about something petty and irrelevant. He was in the kitchen slamming stuff around as he was making his coffee, bitching about how messy it was. You knew it had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with a disaster case, and marched over to him and grabbed his belt. He froze at first not sure what was going on, but it wasn't complaints falling from his lips when you dropped to your knees and gave him a quick messy blowjob. When you were done and got back to your feet, you pecked his lips and told him you were late for work leaving him stunned. When you returned home the kitchen was clean, he had cooked homemade traditional Cuban food, and he apologized to you all night long with a lot more than just his mouth.        

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) 

Nick likes to make the foreplay slow and passionate, to make sure you are satisfied and ready to take him. When it comes to sex his preferred pace is fast and on the rougher side. Your body in his hands as he pounds into you your breast bouncing, head thrown back as you take him.  

He does have a gentler side that comes out quite often. One that takes you slow and steady. He will kiss every inch of your body whispering Spanish words of endearment and praise against your skin. These are the times he wants to look you in the eyes and make sure you know his love for you in this physical act. That you can hear it, feel it, taste it, and see it in his eyes.      

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)  

Nick loves a good quicky. Life is busy, especially with a job like his and kids. Sometimes you just have to take those fifteen minutes and make them worth every second. It doesn’t always need to be long to be good and satisfying. Besides Nick enjoys seeing you after a quick tousle out with your friends or random people knowing exactly what causes that flush in your cheeks. Knowing that his cum is still leaking out of you and into your wet panties unless of course he still has them in his pocket for safekeeping.  

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) 

Nick is willing to experiment with his limits. He is willing to try any position you want at least once. He likes to push the limits where you two can get away with having sex. He likes the bathrooms at bars, the laundry room when Zara is preoccupied, and getting head when he is driving in low to no-traffic areas. He likes the adrenaline of the possibility, but he doesn’t actually want to get caught. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)  

Nick has stamina for days. He can drag out foreplay and sex for hours if you will let him. If you're planning on a sleepless night and are okay walking a little funny the next day you only have to give him about a half hour to recuperate and he will be ready to go again if you are.    

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)  

No, Nick’s not a toy guy. He is kind of old-fashioned and I think he might take it as a hit to his masculinity if you wanted to use them when you were in bed together.  

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)  

Nick is an ungodly tease. His sweet and dirty talk is second to none. He can get you wet just by telling you about what he is going to do to you. The innocent but consistent touches drive you crazy. Then when he finally has you in the bedroom you can almost taste the pleasure, he is going to give you. He teases you more and tisks about how impatient you are. “All good things come to those who wait, Corazón.”

If you want his teasing to stop, you will have to beg him or start teasing him back. He can give way better than he can take. You will have him changing his pace quick.    

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)  

Nick isn’t loud but he is by no means silent. He likes to dirty talk, and praise you in bed with a mix of English and Spanish words. He grunts and moans but keeps the noise to a minimum when Zara is in the house. If he knows that there isn’t a risk of being interrupted or overheard that is when Nick gets louder and likes to fuck you to upbeat Cuban music.   

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)  

Nick doesn’t know how to ask for attention or affection. He grew up with a controlling abusive father and a traumatized turned aloof mother. Then he married Maria, a strong-willed but distant and emotionally unavailable soldier. He never got consistent affection and doesn't understand his own need for it. He doesn’t consciously know he does it, but when he needs that affection, he will initiate sex even if he is not in the mood to have it. He will make it so good for you like he has to earn it. You will moan and call his name as he wrecks you with his fingers and mouth.  

Then he will usually wave you off when you go to reciprocate even if he is hard. He knows that what he really wants is already within reach because when you are pleasure drunk and boneless it always means that you are willing and wanting to cuddle. Your fingers will stroke and play with his hair, your other hand wandering his back teasing tense muscles until they relax. It takes you a long time to figure out what he is doing and when you do it breaks your heart.   

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) 

Nick has a lean body with muscular arms and thighs. His chest is toned with a visible six-pack. He has a sparse dusting of hair on his lower stomach, a happy trail leading down to his goods. Nick is a big boy, above average in size. His cock is thick and long with a slight upwards curve.   

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)  

Nick has a pretty high sex drive but good control over it. While he would prefer to have sex four or five times a week, he doesn’t expect that. He has times when he becomes a sex hound, and you swear it always seems to match up to when you're ovulating. His sex drive can also completely diminish during bad sex crime cases.    

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) 

Nick is one of those rare men that sex boosts his energy, at least for a little while. The flood of endorphins gives him a giddy relaxed high. If it is a quickie or during the middle of the day, he will have the sudden urge to accomplish something, or if you're really lucky cook traditional Cuban food. If it’s time for bed you will almost always fall asleep before him, but he is content to lay in bed with you either just cuddled up or playing games on his phone until the high fades.  

I forgot how long this prompt takes but hey there’s Nick’s! I have quite a few Nick miniseries that I’m going to be working on. One is the relationship building between the reader and Zara while still featuring Nick of course.  

I have another series that will be more angsty and will probably take longer because it’s going to be a split vibe of what could have happened in a situation with Nick and the reader's relationship when tragedy hits. I’m excited to challenge my writing in that way. 

Let me know if either of these piques your interest! I hope you enjoyed xoxo  

[fireflysummers]

Heroes, Gods, and the Invisible Narrator

Slay the Princess as a Framework for the Cyclical Reproduction of Colonialist Narratives in Data Science & Technology

An Essay by FireflySummers

All images are captioned.

Content Warnings: Body Horror, Discussion of Racism and Colonialism

Spoilers for Slay the Princess (2023) by @abby-howard and Black Tabby Games.

If you enjoy this article, consider reading my guide to arguing against the use of AI image generators or the academic article it's based on.

Introduction: The Hero and the Princess

You're on a path in the woods, and at the end of that path is a cabin. And in the basement of that cabin is a Princess. You're here to slay her. If you don't, it will be the end of the world.

Slay the Princess is a 2023 indie horror game by Abby Howard and published through Black Tabby Games, with voice talent by Jonathan Sims (yes, that one) and Nichole Goodnight.

The game starts with you dropped without context in the middle of the woods. But that’s alright. The Narrator is here to guide you. You are the hero, you have your weapon, and you have a monster to slay.

From there, it's the player's choice exactly how to proceed--whether that be listening to the voice of the narrator, or attempting to subvert him. You can kill her as instructed, or sit and chat, or even free her from her chains.

It doesn't matter.

Regardless of whether you are successful in your goal, you will inevitably (and often quite violently) die.

And then...

You are once again on a path in the woods.

The cycle repeats itself, the narrator seemingly none the wiser. But the woods are different, and so is the cabin. You're different, and worse... so is she.

Based on your actions in the previous loop, the princess has... changed. Distorted.

Had you attempted a daring rescue, she is now a damsel--sweet and submissive and already fallen in love with you.

Had you previously betrayed her, she has warped into something malicious and sinister, ready to repay your kindness in full.

But once again, it doesn't matter.

Because the no matter what you choose, no matter how the world around you contorts under the weight of repeated loops, it will always be you and the princess.

Why? Because that’s how the story goes.

So says the narrator.

So now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about data.

Chapter I: Echoes and Shattered Mirrors

The problem with "data" is that we don't really think too much about it anymore. Or, at least, we think about it in the same abstract way we think about "a billion people." It's gotten so big, so seemingly impersonal that it's easy to forget that contemporary concept of "data" in the west is a phenomenon only a couple centuries old [1].

This modern conception of the word describes the ways that we translate the world into words and numbers that can then be categorized and analyzed. As such, data has a lot of practical uses, whether that be putting a rover on mars or tracking the outbreak of a viral contagion. However, this functionality makes it all too easy to overlook the fact that data itself is not neutral. It is gathered by people, sorted into categories designed by people, and interpreted by people. At every step, there are people involved, such that contemporary technology is embedded with systemic injustices, and not always by accident.

The reproduction of systems of oppression are most obvious from the margins. In his 2019 article As If, Ramon Amaro describes the Aspire Mirror (2016): a speculative design project by by Joy Buolamwini that contended with the fact that the standard facial recognition algorithm library had been trained almost exclusively on white faces. The simplest solution was to artificially lighten darker skin-tones for the algorithm to recognize, which Amaro uses to illustrate the way that technology is developed with an assumption of whiteness [2].

This observation applies across other intersections as well, such as trans identity [3], which has been colloquially dubbed "The Misgendering Machine" [4] for its insistence on classifying people into a strict gender binary based only on physical appearance.

This has also popped up in my own research, brought to my attention by the artist @b4kuch1n who has spoken at length with me about the connection between their Vietnamese heritage and the clothing they design in their illustrative work [5]. They call out AI image generators for reinforcing colonialism by stripping art with significant personal and cultural meaning of their context and history, using them to produce a poor facsimile to sell to the highest bidder.

All this describes an iterative cycle which defines normalcy through a white, western lens, with a limited range of acceptable diversity. Within this cycle, AI feeds on data gathered under colonialist ideology, then producing an artifact that reinforces existing systemic bias. When this data is, in turn, once again fed to the machine, that bias becomes all the more severe, and the range of acceptability narrower [2, 6].

Luciana Parisi and Denise Ferreira da Silva touch on a similar point in their article Black Feminist Tools, Critique, and Techno-poethics but on a much broader scale. They call up the Greek myth of Prometheus, who was punished by the gods for his hubris for stealing fire to give to humanity. Parisi and Ferreira da Silva point to how this, and other parts of the “Western Cosmology” map to humanity’s relationship with technology [7].

However, while this story seems to celebrate the technological advancement of humanity, there are darker colonialist undertones. It frames the world in terms of the gods and man, the oppressor and the oppressed; but it provides no other way of being. So instead the story repeats itself, with so-called progress an inextricable part of these two classes of being. This doesn’t bode well for visions of the future, then–because surely, eventually, the oppressed will one day be the machines [7, 8].

It’s… depressing. But it’s only really true, if you assume that that’s the only way the story could go.

“Stories don't care who takes part in them. All that matters is that the story gets told, that the story repeats. Or, if you prefer to think of it like this: stories are a parasitical life form, warping lives in the service only of the story itself.” ― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

Chapter II: The Invisible Narrator

So why does the narrator get to call the shots on how a story might go? Who even are they? What do they want? How much power do they actually have?

With the exception of first person writing, a lot of the time the narrator is invisible. This is different from an unreliable narrator. With an unreliable narrator, at some point the audience becomes aware of their presence in order for the story to function as intended. An invisible narrator is never meant to be seen.

In Slay the Princess, the narrator would very much like to be invisible. Instead, he has been dragged out into the light, because you (and the inner voices you pick up along the way), are starting to argue with him. And he doesn’t like it.

Despite his claims that the princess will lie and cheat in order to escape, as the game progresses it’s clear that the narrator is every bit as manipulative–if not moreso, because he actually knows what’s going on. And, if the player tries to diverge from the path that he’s set before them, the correct path, then it rapidly becomes clear that he, at least to start, has the power to force that correct path.

While this is very much a narrative device, the act of calling attention to the narrator is important beyond that context. 

The Hero’s Journey is the true monomyth, something to which all stories can be reduced. It doesn’t matter that the author, Joseph Campbell, was a raging misogynist whose framework flattened cultures and stories to fit a western lens [9, 10]. It was used in Star Wars, so clearly it’s a universal framework.

The metaverse will soon replace the real world and crypto is the future of currency! Never mind that the organizations pushing it are suspiciously pyramid shaped. Get on board or be left behind.

Generative AI is pushed as the next big thing. The harms it inflicts on creatives and the harmful stereotypes it perpetuates are just bugs in the system. Never mind that the evangelists for this technology speak over the concerns of marginalized people [5]. That’s a skill issue, you gotta keep up.

Computers will eventually, likely soon, advance so far as to replace humans altogether. The robot uprising is on the horizon [8]. 

Who perpetuates these stories? What do they have to gain?

Why is the only story for the future replications of unjust systems of power? Why must the hero always slay the monster?

Because so says the narrator. And so long as they are invisible, it is simple to assume that this is simply the way things are.

Chapter III: The End...?

This is the part where Slay the Princess starts feeling like a stretch, but I’ve already killed the horse so I might as well beat it until the end too.

Because what is the end result here?

According to the game… collapse. A recursive story whose biases narrow the scope of each iteration ultimately collapses in on itself. The princess becomes so sharp that she is nothing but blades to eviscerate you. The princess becomes so perfect a damsel that she is a caricature of the trope. The story whittles itself away to nothing. And then the cycle begins anew.

There’s no climactic final battle with the narrator. He created this box, set things in motion, but he is beyond the player’s reach to confront directly. The only way out is to become aware of the box itself, and the agenda of the narrator. It requires acknowledgement of the artificiality of the roles thrust upon you and the Princess, the false dichotomy of hero or villain.

Slay the Princess doesn’t actually provide an answer to what lies outside of the box, merely acknowledges it as a limit that can be overcome. 

With regards to the less fanciful narratives that comprise our day-to-day lives, it’s difficult to see the boxes and dichotomies we’ve been forced into, let alone what might be beyond them. But if the limit placed is that there are no stories that can exist outside of capitalism, outside of colonialism, outside of rigid hierarchies and oppressive structures, then that limit can be broken [12].

Denouement: Doomed by the Narrative

Video games are an interesting artistic medium, due to their inherent interactivity. The commonly accepted mechanics of the medium, such as flavor text that provides in-game information and commentary, are an excellent example of an invisible narrator. Branching dialogue trees and multiple endings can help obscure this further, giving the player a sense of genuine agency… which provides an interesting opportunity to drag an invisible narrator into the light.

There are a number of games that have explored the power differential between the narrator and the player (The Stanley Parable, Little Misfortune, Undertale, Buddy.io, OneShot, etc…)

However, Slay the Princess works well here because it not only emphasizes the artificial limitations that the narrator sets on a story, but the way that these stories recursively loop in on themselves, reinforcing the fears and biases of previous iterations. 

Critical data theory probably had nothing to do with the game’s development (Abby Howard if you're reading this, lmk). However, it works as a surprisingly cohesive framework for illustrating the ways that we can become ensnared by a narrative, and the importance of knowing who, exactly, is narrating the story. Although it is difficult or impossible to conceptualize what might exist beyond the artificial limits placed by even a well-intentioned narrator, calling attention to them and the box they’ve constructed is the first step in breaking out of this cycle.

“You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage.” ― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

Epilogue

If you've read this far, thank you for your time! This was an adaptation of my final presentation for a Critical Data Studies course. Truthfully, this course posed quite a challenge--I found the readings of philosophers such as Kant, Adorno, Foucault, etc... difficult to parse. More contemporary scholars were significantly more accessible. My only hope is that I haven't gravely misinterpreted the scholars and researchers whose work inspired this piece.

I honestly feel like this might have worked best as a video essay, but I don't know how to do those, and don't have the time to learn or the money to outsource.

Slay the Princess is available for purchase now on Steam.

Screencaps from ManBadassHero Let's Plays: [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6]

Post Dividers by @cafekitsune

Citations:

Rosenberg, D. (2018). Data as word. Historical Studies in the Natural Sciences, 48(5), 557-567.

Amaro, Ramon. (2019). As If. e-flux Architecture. Becoming Digital. https://www.e-flux.com/architecture/becoming-digital/248073/as-if/

What Ethical AI Really Means by PhilosophyTube

Keyes, O. (2018). The misgendering machines: Trans/HCI implications of automatic gender recognition. Proceedings of the ACM on human-computer interaction, 2(CSCW), 1-22.

Allred, A.M., Aragon, C. (2023). Art in the Machine: Value Misalignment and AI “Art”. In: Luo, Y. (eds) Cooperative Design, Visualization, and Engineering. CDVE 2023. Lecture Notes in Computer Science, vol 14166. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-43815-8_4

Amaro, R. (2019). Artificial Intelligence: warped, colorful forms and their unclear geometries.

Parisisi, L., Ferreira da Silva, D. Black Feminist Tools, Critique, and Techno-poethics. e-flux. Issue #123. https://www.e-flux.com/journal/123/436929/black-feminist-tools-critique-and-techno-poethics/

AI - Our Shiny New Robot King | Sophie from Mars by Sophie From Mars

Joseph Campbell and the Myth of the Monomyth | Part 1 by Maggie Mae Fish

Joseph Campbell and the N@zis | Part 2 by Maggie Mae Fish

How Barbie Cis-ified the Matrix by Jessie Gender

[urrockstar-xe]

detective sweetheart - n.a x fem!reader

posted nov 3rd, 2023 12:22 am

this was what i did for my "based on my day" challenge (i spent it watching svu season 14 lmfao) its also my first time writing for nick amaro or any detectives in general so I'm sorry if he's a bit ooc, its also a crossover with criminal minds and i think i made up the whole technical analyst assistant thing but that's my job in my criminal minds DR lmfao. hope you enjoy :)

this includes alcohol (reader consumption), use of Y/n, and possibly wrong wording for FBI stuff?? the reader likes children (in a not creepy way). Jennifer Jareau

summary: the BAU's technical analyst assistant develops quite the crush on SVU's detective Nick Amaro

masterlist

word count: 0.8k

You sat quietly in a bar, sitting amongst a group of FBI agents you knew well and a few detectives you’d just recently had the pleasure of meeting, chatting about the now-closed case and a few chatting about their children, you hadn’t spoken much, too busy trying not to stare at Detective Nick Amaro.

“Detective Amaro, this is Y/n L/n, she’s our technical analyst assistant, our official technical analyst is back at Quantico focusing on another case” Your boss, Aaron Hotchner, introduced you to one of the detectives you’d be working with for a necrophilia serial killer case, 

You two spent the last few days working very closely together on this case. 

Penelope had been working on another case and due to a small fire that you and Penelope accidentally started with a candle in your already small office, Hotch decided to bring you with the team to Manhattan.

And of course, with your luck, Penelope couldn’t be there to fangirl over the hot detective with you, so you had to deal with the consequences of your short attention span all on your own, (granted our beloved Spencer did try to relate and fangirl with you, he did his best, but he was quite busy getting into conspiracy arguments with Sergeant John Munch).

Now that the case was over, Hotch decided that the team was in no rush back to Quantico and could leave in the morning, so while he called in early and left back to his hotel, the rest of you went out with some of the SVU detectives,

Including Nick 

of course.

“What about you? Got any kids?” Nick asked, accidentally snapping you out of your trance, as he handed JJ back her phone after she showed him a photo of her boys.

“Oh, uh”

fuck, he smelt good, why did Derek have to sit you right next to him?? 

“No, no kids, I do adore them though” You smiled in a way you hoped wasn’t too awkward, before Emily spoke up “She’s great with them too! I mean they just love her” 

Nick smiled at that, nodding as Emily talked. 

You laughed awkwardly in response, “she’s exaggerating” you whispered just loud enough for Nick to hear, earning a laugh. 

oh my god, he LAUGHS?

“As much fun this has been, I’m gonna call it a night” JJ announced, standing up from her seat, her actions mirrored by Spencer as he agreed. 

They were shortly followed by Olivia, Fin, and Emily. Derek went home with a pretty girl (obviously) and finally, Rossi left with Rollins, after she offered him a ride back to the hotel.

That left, you and Nick, alone

of fucking course

“So, miss L/n, how was your first time in New York, huh?” He asked, taking a sip of his bourbon or was it whiskey? Maybe scotch? You couldn’t remember

“Oh, you mean besides the corpse-loving freak? Pretty great, thanks for asking, Detective.” you joked, feeling less intimidated thanks to the vodka cranberry sitting in front of you.

He laughed, “Yeah, dumb question” he shook his head almost embarrassed but you were eating it up.

“How was your first time working with the BAU, hm?” Nick smiled as you practically hummed the question, he thought it was cute, and you could tell, which only boosted your confidence.

“Gotta be honest, I was worried you guys would swarm in and take everything over but, it was a lot easier than I expected” You nod in response, 

“A lot of people think that, but typically it’s an ego thing. was it an ego thing for you, Nicky?” The nickname had slipped off your tongue with ease as you teased your schoolgirl crush, having called him that just a few days ago when you first started working together.

Nick scoffed, “What? No, absolutely not” but the small smirk on his lips was a dead giveaway. “Okay, maybe it was kind of an ego thing, just a little bit” he whispered his confession. You all but giggled in response

“It’s gettin’ late, what do you say I walk you back to your hotel huh?” he offered, standing up and putting his coat on before reaching for yours 

“I’d like that, thank you, Detective” You smiled, standing from your seat and sighing as he carefully put your coat on for you.

The hotel wasn’t far but god you wished it had been, it would’ve given you some more time to flirt with the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen in your life

(exaggerating? Pft nuh-uh) 

But yet, here you stood, in front of the tall building that ruined your excitement.

“Hey, uh how would you feel if the next time you were in New York, I took you out?” Nick asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket, his tie hanging loosely around his neck.

You smiled, hoping the lights surrounding you both hid the blush on your cheeks instead of accentuating it. “Or if you’re ever in Virginia?” 

He smiled, nodding. 

“I think I’d like that a lot” You responded, quietly, suddenly very sober.

“Great, have a safe flight back home, alright?”

it's already over

“Thank you for walking me back, Nick” 

“Anytime, goodnight, sweetheart” he smiled once more.

Sweetheart

“Goodnight, detective”

[noellawrites]

Yandere svu; what if they found out the reader still slept with a childhood stuffed animal?

Would they still let the reader sleep with it?

Would they take it as a punishment?

What if the reader preferred the stuffed animal to them? Like cuddling it over them.

oooh i like this question!!! my opinions are below

if somehow you manage to hold onto your favorite stuffed animal and it ends up with you at their place:

Mike Dodds will be very sympathetic. he did take you away from your life and everything you know, after all. the least he can do is let you hold and cuddle with your childhood stuffed animal when you’re feeling sad. eventually, if you keep preferring it to his own warmth, he will take it away at night and you’ll have no choice but to cuddle with him.

Rafael Barba rolls his eyes at the way you even still have this piece of crap. but of course, it’s so much like you. he’ll love having a bargaining chip that you actually care about, though. you’re refusing sex? he’ll dangle your stuffed animal out the 14th story window. crying and won’t stop? he’ll take scissors to it with a smirk.

Sonny Carisi will think it’s cute at first, but he will get tired of it very quickly. what’s so special about a stupid stuffed animal anyway? he’s right there, and he’s a real human who loves you! he’s jealous, so he’ll take the stuffed animal away when you act out or when he has any excuse to.

Nick Amaro has mixed feelings. he understands your bond to the stuffed animal, but he gets annoyed when it takes your attention away from him. what do you mean you don’t want to cuddle him or touch him? what do you mean you’re sad? you miss your family? it must be that stuffed animal. don’t worry, it’ll go bye-bye for a while.

[storiesofsvu]

Home

Amanda Rolins x reader (brief mentions of Amanda x Nick) Warnings: language, alcohol consumption, it's hurt/comfort but mainly fluff, if that makes sense? LOL. This has been sitting in the drafts for a very long time and I think was a tipsy idea while watching old svu ideas that got jotted down and then added to bit by bit. I'm not sure if I'm totally happy with it, but I was determined to finish it and this is what we're left with. Basically Amanda deserves all the proper love and affection. The end.

You’d had a thing for Amanda for a while, it started out as a physical attraction that morphed into friendship, someone you enjoyed spending time with, someone you didn’t mind getting trapped in a car on stakeouts with. You shared interests, had similar coffee tastes, were both dog people, preferred take out to cooking and could spend hours watching trashy reality television. All it took was one night at a bar with a few too many beers and a few of your favourite songs on the dance floor to lead to a hot and heavy make out session that ended tangled in the sheets of Amanda’s bed.

When it happened a second time she felt a little bad, letting you know that while she was being safe, you weren’t the only person she was sleeping with. In return you let out a small laugh, telling her that it was clear as day her and Nick had something going on and you had no concern if she was hooking up with him too. With that conversation out of the way you were free to continue on with your random casual nights together. Some nights you’d end up with Amanda, others you’d go home alone and sometimes you’d find your own fun elsewhere, there were no hard feelings or sense of jealousy between either of you.

You slowly watched as Amanada started to slip under Amaro’s charm spell, ever the girl who wanted to be the fixer, the problem solver, do it on her own big sister. As his parenting relationship with Maria got worse her desire to be the one to help him through it grew, wanting to be there when he needed someone, no matter what the context was. Some nights he wanted to drink, to vent, talk things through with someone who could stay somewhat neutral and not argue with everything he said. Some nights he wanted to just forget and those were the ones he always went to Amanda for. The deeper he sank, the more entangled she became and he pulled her right down with him.

When it came to your relationship with Amanda, you truly never cared, even if she was leaving your living room because he called. The night he showed up at Amanda’s when you were there you were the first one to pour him a drink and toss him a smoke, reminding him how much relationships can suck. You continued to be Amanda’s friend, trying to support her through the entire ordeal while she was giving Nick her all and letting herself derail in the process.

“Thanks for meeting me.” She huffed, sliding into the bar stool beside you and you could tell she was pissed.

“Don’t worry about it. What’s up?” You asked, sliding her a shot that she threw back faster than you’d expected.

“Fucking Nick.” She grumbled, signalling the bartender for another round, “I get that he’s going through it but isn’t he supposed to be arguing with Maria?”

“’Manda…” you cautiously warned, “is he taking this shit out on you now?”

“He’s not doing it on purpose.” She defended, “he’s just so fucking irritable now. Everything’s an argument, he either wants to drink in silence or fuck.”

“I think it might be time for you to step back, let him cope on his own.”

“No, it’s fine. He needs someone to talk to and I know I can get through to him, I just need a little bit longer, really get under his skin.”

“Then maybe try to do it without pushing all his buttons?” You offered and she rolled her eyes, only half offended.

“It’s the easiest way to get him actually talking, I thought maybe a different emotion would come through this time.”

“Just be careful okay. I don’t want you getting too deeply wrapped up in all this and then end up being the one licking her own wounds afterwards.”

“I’m a tough kid,” she shot you a grin, “I can handle it.” Her phone buzzed on the bar top and she let out a sigh, throwing back another shot of whiskey before scooping up the device, “duty calls.”

You watched her pick up the phone as she disappeared out of the bar and let out your own sigh, wondering if you were going to be down a friend by the time all of this sorted itself out.

Two months later and you didn’t have much left to wonder about as Nick was gone, leaving the squad to relocate across the country in LA with his new family. You’d watched Amanda when he made the announcement to the team but she didn’t even flinch, a soft smile on her face knowing that he would be happier out West. His last few weeks it was as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, the stress evaporating as he finally found where he truly belonged.

Amanda felt lighter too, that sense of having to consistently check in and make sure someone was okay floating away with the summer breeze. She was able to relax, get up early enough to spend her mornings running through the park with Frannie and finally catch up on all the reality tv she’d missed. And this time the evenings on your couch were free from any and all interruptions. She wasn’t sad, she knew that everything happened for a reason and that her situationship with Nick had an end date all along, but there was a part of her that missed her friend, her work partner and that was what you could feel floating off of her.

She hadn’t been mopey about it at all, but there was still a sense of melancholy in the air as the commercial break played. Your arm was strewn across the back of the couch, Amanda tucked into your side, letting out a little sigh as she relaxed deeper into the embrace. You instinctively pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head,

“You wanna talk?”

“No.” She mumbled back, “I’m fine, swear. Just been kinda moody recently, dunno why.”

“You’re allowed.” You replied, your arm squeezing her softly before your finger curled under her chin, tilting her face up to yours, “you want me to help you forget?”

“Yeah?” Her brow raised in your direction, a gleam in her eyes as her lips curved up into a grin, “what’ve you got in mind?”

“Well…” you leant down, pressing your lips to hers, your teeth nipping at her lower lip, smirking at the way her breath caught in her throat, “I was thinking for starters that I could fuck you so good you wouldn’t even remember he existed.”

Amanda laughed softly, catching your lips in another kiss, “I certainly like the sound of that.” It only took a moment before your tongue slipped into her mouth as you caged her into the couch, a hand already creeping under her shirt and the television (among other things) were long forgotten.

And just like that your sexual affair with Amanda was sparked right back up again, your relationship skyrocketing from barely seeing each other to spending practically every night tangled in each others bedsheets. Though there was something different this time, nothing was holding either of you back, there were no other outside players, you spent nearly all of your time together now. Partnered up at work meant your days were spent together, the pure carnal desire for sex meant nights were shared, and what was left was evenings to devour takeout on the couch while the tv played and coffee in the park with Frannie on weekend mornings. Amanda would often catch herself with a dopey smile on her cheeks while she watched just how comfortable you were in her home. How you treated it like your own, you never had to ask questions, you just new exactly where everything was. A warmth would bloom in her chest every time your hand found hers, glancing up to catch the soft smile on your cheeks before you’d make a kissy face in her direction.

Not only was she finally starting to feel whole again, she knew that the reason was you, that you were the one who had been making her whole all along. She wasn’t quite sure what real love felt like, but she was certain it had to feel something like this, you were always there for her, you supported her in whatever dreams she wanted to explore, you helped ground her when she needed to be brought back to earth. You made her inescapably happy and she was noticeably more relaxed and joyful whenever you were around. She couldn’t be totally sure without asking you, but she was pretty confident that you shared similar feelings by the way you’d let out a small laugh and you cheeks would tinge whenever she caught you staring at her.

Amanda wanted you, that was for certain, and she wanted a future with you, to face life together as a team, grow old with you and spend the rest of her life happier than she ever had expected. But she suddenly had a piece of baggage that was a very big deal breaker and that’s why her heart was pounding out of her chest when she finally summoned the courage to knock on your apartment door.

“Hey.” You greeted as you pulled the door open, “didn’t expect to see you tonight, it’s late.” You stepped back to let her into the apartment and Amanda felt frozen on her feet, completely unable to move as she let out a shuddering breath and you noticed the tears in her eyes. “Whoa, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

Amanda shrugged, flailing her hands as she did her best to keep her emotions inside, her lip quivering as it attempted to all spill out.

“C’mere.” Your voice was impeccably soft as you wrapped an arm around her shoulders, guiding her into the apartment and over to the couch. “You wanna drink? I’ve got an open bottle of pinot.”

She shook her head and you dropped down onto the couch beside her, your hand finding hers, linking your fingers as your thumb stroked across her knuckles. She took a minute, taking deep breaths to try and calm herself down and once she was sure she wasn’t about to burst into tears she finally looked up at you.

“I fucked up.” She admitted, a tear escaping to glide over her cheek. You were quick to reach out, wiping it away as you cupped her cheek, your thumb stroking soothingly. The tenderness made her heart swell even more and she let out a shaky sigh, “I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you and instead of having the balls to say it I screw it all up like I screw everything up.”

“Amanda…” you started softly, a warmth beaming from your eyes toward her as you squeezed at her hands, “you didn’t have to say it, and I doubt you’ve screwed anything up, just talk to me.”

“I want to be with you, this is so much more than just sex to me and that alone is scary enough.”

“It doesn’t have to be, because it’s always been more than just sex, we were both too nervous to admit it.”

Amanda sniffled, wiping away another tear, “fuck.”

“What’s going on Amanda? I adore you; I want to be with you too, I see a future with you, a future of us, I even referred to you as my girlfriend earlier this week so I don’t see what the problem is. We practically live together already and—”

“I’m pregnant.”

She had to get it out before you listed another ten reasons that you were perfect for her, that you would be perfect together, she couldn’t bear to hear all of that only to have you walk away in the end. She risked a glance up, her teary eyes meeting yours as your head tilted slightly.

“Oh. Okay,” your voice somehow got even softer, “have you thought about what you want to do?” You asked, your thumb continuing to soothingly brush over her knuckles.

Amanda took a breath, ducking her gaze, “I can’t just get rid of it, no matter how hard I try to think about it, that’s just not me and once it’s born I don’t think I’d be able to give a baby away.”

“Have you been to the doctor yet? My sister’s OB was fantastic, we could set up an appointment next week.” It was Amanda’s turn to look up at you with a quizzical expression on her face, watching as you glanced around your apartment, lower lip tugged into your mouth, “your place is bigger, extra bedroom and all, I’ll talk to my landlord about getting out of my lease.”

“Wait, what?” She asked and you looked back towards her.

“A newborn’s a lot of work, I’d want to be around as much as possible and like I said we practically live together already, why bother renting two places?”

“I’m confused…” she admitted with a small laugh, “I thought you were going to break up with me, not suggest moving in together.”

“Why would I break up with you?”

“You said you didn’t want kids…” She shrugged and it was your turn to let out a little laugh.

“So did you.” You squeezed at her hand, “but surprises happen and this can be a little happy one for us. I wasn’t adamant on not having kids, they just weren’t a big priority for me.”

Amanda chewed on her lip, her hands fidgeting in her lap as she tried to make sense of everything flying through her head at the moment, “but why change your mind for me?”

“I didn’t change my mind per say, life just presented me with an opportunity and I’m choosing to take it, because I want to, and I want to be with you, because I’m in love with you.”

“Really?” Her eyes were wide when she looked up at you and you giggled, the warm smile remaining on your cheeks.

“Of course I do, you doof. C’mere,” you tugged on her hand, effectively pulling her into your lap and she let out a little surprised squeal as her knees settled on either side of your legs. One of your arms wrapped around her, the other cupping her cheek, “you’ve always been my best friend, and I’ve always loved you like that. I’ll admit I was a little scared of falling in love with you another way and losing what we had, but it looks like that was the perfect thing to let myself do because I love what we have now, what we will have in the future.”

“I love you too.” She finally uttered the words and felt a weight lifted off her chest, a small smile breaking onto her cheeks and you leant up, kissing her softly. Amanda melted into you, her hands looping around your shoulders as your lips moved with grace together. You barely pulled away from the kiss, her forehead resting on yours as you kissed the tip of her nose and she let out a happy hum. “You make me so fucking happy, happier than I ever thought I could be, and I never thought I was gonna find something like that.” This time the tears blurring her eyes were ones of joy and they matched the ones forming in your eyes.

“And now you’ve got even more than that,” you smiled, “because we’re having a baby.”

“We’re having a baby.” She replied in a whisper, a smile etched permanently across her feature and she laughed softly as you stole another kiss. “Are you still gonna love me when I look like a beached whale?”

“Of course, I’ll even rub your feet and hand feed you grapes.”

“Promise?” She asked with a grin and you laughed, kissing her once more.

“Cross my heart.”

The warmth Amanda felt blooming through her was like nothing she’d ever felt before and she knew that in that moment she was exactly who she was meant to be, and exactly where she was meant to be. She knew she was safe, cared for, she had someone who had her back and always would, someone who loved her and truly meant it when they said it. She felt at peace, and most importantly, at home.

Because being anywhere with you meant she was home. You were her home, and that was all she needed.

____________________

@mickey-gomez @hbkpop @bisexualcrowley @red1culous @imlike-so-gaydude @altsvu @lesbianspacecowboy @wannabe-fic-reader @gaylorrds @beccabarba @mysticfalls01 @alexbllake @infernumlilith @australiancarisi @wandas-wife @emskisworld @samwithnoplan @multifandomlesbianic @sia2raw @dxtery @anlin2058 @itisdoctortoyousir @alexxavicry @daddy-heather-dunbar @evilregal2002 @7thavenger @m00nkn1ghts @sapphicprentiss @geekyandgay98 @onmykneesformarvel @desperate-gay @kmc1989 @irishavengersassemble @noahrex @temp0rary-bliss @wittygutsy

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

Over your head

It's been a while and most of this is personal to my life. Just needed to little Nick loving.

Warnings: None, just fluffy Nick.

WC: 736.

Enjoy x

You should have said no, but you couldn’t now, everything was in place and you knew it have to be like ripping a band aid off, but you were nervous. When Liv came to you and told you that SVU was going to be getting the funds to have an in-house forensic science lab and suggested that you go and get your degree so you could be the head of the lab, it took you nearly 3 days to decide. Life had not been kind recently and you were in your era of second guessing yourself with everything you had been through and what was still to come in your personal life. Your divorce was finally coming to the final stages of being settled and you had just got the kids in a routine as a single mom, and now you were nothing but crazy taking on a full-time degree study as well as working. It was lucky you lived with your mum and the kids went to the same school as Amanda's girls, so between her and Sonny, when you needed it, they said they had it all under control.

As you walked into the huge lecture hall, you found a seat as far up the back as possible and you sat down, sitting your bag on the seat next to you. You had a little giggle as your eyes scanned around the room at all these “Young kids” doing a course as heavy as this, thinking about everything you had seen after 12 years of SVU.

You were looking down at your phone to a message Amanda had messaged you about her plans with all the kids that afternoon after school when you heard a familiar voice and instantly all your worries melted away, your eyes slowly scanned up and surprisingly your eyes met and you blushed as he gave you quick wink and continued talking,

“Good morning, everyone, I’ am Nick Amaro your professor for the next 12 months. I’ am here to answer any questions you may have. All I ask is no phones during my class, unless an extreme emergency” Nick looked at you with a smirk and you giggled to yourself dropping you phone back into your bag.

If that is what you had to listen too for 1 hour every day for the next year, you would be glad to do it. Listening to Nick talking about all his lab skills and referring to his SVU days and cases he had worked on with you and how it led him to this path, made you feel warm and fuzzy. You hadn’t seen him since the night he told you he was moving to LA, your life was already a mess from the break up and he held you on floor as you sobbed at the fact that you were losing your best friend. You had kept in contact, he calling and facetiming the kids as often as he could but you never would have thought in a million years that he would be back in New York teaching.

You watched as all the other students filed out and then you stood up walking out of the aisle you  were sitting on and you walked down the stairs. Just as you were almost at the bottom, Nick walked from around his desk and made his way towards the stairs, stopping at the bottom step not stepping up. You stopped on the bottom step, looking down at Nick, not taking them off his as you sat your bag down on the chair next to you. It was like a magnet pulled you together, your arms going around his neck and his around you middle,

“I’ve missed you sweetheart” Nick kissed the cheek he could reach.

You lent back, your arms going from around his neck and your hands went straight to his beaded cheeks, his moving to your hips, the feel of his facial hair smooth on your hands,

“You have no idea how much I have missed you. How long are you back for?”

“At the moment 3 years” he squeezed your hips “But I’ am hoping I won’t need to leave again”

“Have something important to stay for Professor?” You grinned.

“Yes actually” he paused for a moment looking down at your lips and then looking back up at your eyes “I ‘am looking at her”

Tags: @beccabarba @ben-c-group-therapy @alwaysachorusgirl @jemmakates

[m4tret]

Some of the Batfam members if they were alcoholic drinks

Did somebody ask for this? Absolutely not, but I love drinking and I love the Bat-fam so:

Bruce Wayne as Amaro: It's a strong liquor, it tastes bitter, that's why it might be unlikeable to some people, but actually it has his benefits if taken after dinner, making you feel better after a long, stressful day.

Jason Todd as Absinthe: A spirit which is illegal in some countries due to his high alcohol content, if you're not careful, it can be fatal even after a few shots. It just reminds me of the brutal manners that Jason used to have in pre-52 as Red Hood. Reminds me also of the Painting "Absinthe" by Edgar Degas which represents my mood after reading UTRH.

Tim Drake as Midori: A really sweet and tasty liquor, not really strong, but quite unique considering his unusual colour, which reminds me of Tim as Robin in the early comics: someone who stands out with his optimistic personality and different backgrounds

Cassandra Cain as Wine: This one is personal, it's a drink that you can underestimate at first, but it's actually really strong, it's not a drink for getting drunk, it's something that you need to know to understand. It's also pretty versatile, based on the food you're eating or the event, you change the type of wine, similarly, Cassandra Cain adapts her fighting style based on her opponent

The other two that I don't want to explain too much:

Alfred as Rum: gives me old sophisticated man vibes

Stephanie Brown as Ginja/Ginjinha: idk funny drink