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#I NEED TO CHUCK WOOD LIKE A WOOD CHUCK
bonemeal12 · 4 months
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Hrrrggg essay has an EVIL limit at 800 words you can’t let me talk about the Comics Code and the Hays Code and queer representation and censorship in media and make me STOP TALKING I still have SO MUCH MORE TO TALK ABOUT PLEASEPLEASEPL
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theexorcistiii · 2 years
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They call it better call Saul because you “SAUL” the show
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hatters-workshop · 2 years
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Burning the candle not only at both ends but also somehow a secret third end.
#working full time#also trying to run a small art business#and get myself booked in for conventions and markets#that i know are going to eat my spoons#like a wood chipper#but that i need to do because selling online seems to be dead in the water#and feeling incredibly bad imposter syndrome#because i dont know if my prints are high enough paper weight#which feels like such a dumb thing to get anxious about#but talking to other artists made me feel like i should just chuck out all my stock#cos they were all saying they use paper at east twice the weight of mine#but ive always bought art for the art#not the paper#and dont know if others think like me or like them#and im also trying to get art churned out#for a print run that i need to do#pretty much the second i check some test prints that i ordered last week#because someone preordered a design that i wasnt planning on printing any time soon#and also while im at it i should try and get some prints done for a goth market ive signed myself up for#but that means making the art and it's fighting me#and i just feel so shitty right now#through and through and through shitty#and lonely#i miss a lot of my friends but i keep feeling like i have to chase others to remind them i exist#and then they're done with me#ive sent ten messages to the person who is meant to be my best friend since the last time she responded#i met up with a high school friend in the summer#and now shes either blocked me or deleted her facebook#and then when people do message me#and sometimes when people do message me they happen to time it when my spoons are too low to talk
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the-busy-ghost · 2 years
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Why did all the big shops decide to have a rattan renaissance right when I didn’t need it
#I bet trying to find rattan homewares when I do need them will be like pulling teeth#Trends are really dumb quite frankly#Everyone just ends up with the same house but then when you try to look for that stuff in a few years it's gone#And it encourages people to buy a load of rubbish and then dump it#Dark wood was all the rage ten years ago but I can't find it now for love nor money#Do people not LIKE the stuff they buy#Do they only buy it because it was 'in' at the time and then they feel like they haave to throw it out when it's out of fashion?#I understand buying what you have to when there's no other option- for example people who didn't really like pine furniture#but that was all they were able to get at the time- I can understand them finally replacing it when something better comes along in ten year#But there's far too many people dumping their stuff for that#I'm too picky though to be fair#I have only the bare minimum of furniture and my house looks really dull because I won't buy something I don't love unless I really need it#But still#If it means that in a few years I DO have loads of things I like which I will keep for decades#Rather than buying stuff I'm indifferent to (and don't really need- I don't mean beds or plates) and chucking it out when it's still good#I suppose that's a cost saving#Still though#I'm not hugely into rattan but there are one or two things I think might want in ten years#When I won't be able ot get them anymore#Unless I wait for them to all be thrown out#Also does anyone remember when shops used to have DIFFERENT stock?#Because currently it seems like everyone is sacrificing at the altar of mid-century modern#And you know there's a place for mid-century modern but it used to be that only some shops went all-in for a style#whereas others were known for something a bit different or had a wider appeal#And even if the style is different the colour scheme is still the same- Cotswold company (expensive) may have 'older' style furniture#but it's all in light browns and grey-greens and blue which is the same colour scheme as every other shop out there#First world problems I know and I'm trying to resist the pressure to have my life and house just organised and done quickly#because these things take time and that's ok and personally I don't actually need all that much stuff#But sometimes family members will very kindly volunteer to go shopping with me#Anyway! That's my selfish rant over for today I just have a lot of Thoughts about homewares and trends and 'fast furnishing'
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A cosmic lightning bolt.
Yeah, if your ears operate she can give anyone a headache.
#emotional manipulation? probably#it runs in the family.....especially with the women#lady is like cayla might bypass her and come ask you...#I am like when she asks her all she does is tell her to ask me#but I kept that part to myself#E so 5 is you're counting a set where I am the vesica Pisces#look.....I overwhelmed the fuck out of you in class....like....period....but you weren't exactly discouraging me#you know me I just show up and ripple#was there a different vibe in the blue dot club that one night#in. that regard i is 6 (like •| see I can fucking twist that shit too babygirl)#H on 45 is an I go figure#🤔 you did run your dick sucker about 45 a lot#I don't even know how to describe your H.I.D. you use on the iot#she walks in deaf and dry(well....you were probably excited going in) and walks out hearing and soaked#I mean your reproductive hormones I think spark around me....hmmmm#even if you're high or eapecially if you're high#uppers vs Chuck Norris#and third eye overwhelemed good good....now hit her Crown#happy girthday#you silly girl happy was an old name#boing boing boing#yes you do make it happy#your organ talks are great but I'm highly audio and visual#does it make pretty fish tail for me to admire#then it's all good#yeah I want to play with all of you by the way#wood that has been dead for years looks exactly as alive in flow as a green tree#to a certain degree#it's more complex than I can abstract into words#I need to use I can't abstract it into words for you but...(fill in abstraction into words)
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mostly-imagines · 6 months
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Banished
jason todd x fem!reader
aka jason misses his girlfriend
warnings: extremely mild angst, he’s just mopey (he’s fine)
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Jason sits slumped over the kitchen island, head lying in his crossed arms. His now soggy cereal disregarded after barely a few bites.
Dick’s been rummaging through the cabinets for the better part of twenty minutes and Tim sits atop of the nook table shoving donuts in his mouth for the better part of thirty.
Damian trudges past them to the nook bench, taking out a knife and beginning to whittle away at a block of wood.
He glances at Jason with a scowl. “If you’re going to be so miserable, can’t you do it in your own home?”
Jason just grunts.
He wishes. You and Bruce had conspired to trap him at the mansion for the week so he could heal from injuries sustained during the last mission without risk of him suiting up and sneaking away from you in the middle of the night.
It’s not even the fact that he’s basically being babysat that’s got him so disgruntled. He wouldn’t mind it at all if you were here too. But you were dead set that the manor was too far out of your way for work, so you’d stay behind. A lose-lose for Jason.
“He’s just mad his girlfriend kicked him out.” Dick teases, swiping through the fridge.
Tim snorts from the doorway, “Me too. He’s a lot more depressing on his own.”
Jason kept his head down as he blindly reached for the spoon in his cereal and chucked it at Tim’s head.
Tim catches it without thought, continuing, “A lot more irritable, at least. Why isn’t she here?”
“She’s gotta work.” Dick says, scanning through the pantry.
Damian peeps his head up from his project. “But Todd has a rather large supply of less than legally obtained money, does he not?”
“Yeah, but she said she wants to pay her own rent, I think.” Dicks hums, finally giving up on his quest for a snack.
Damian pauses.
“So she wants to live in a tiny apartment?” He asks, a mixture of confused and horrified.
“Watch your mouth.” Jason mumbles.
“It was a genuine question!” Damian protests, face screwed up.
Jason finally lifts his head up, turning to his little brother with a raised brows. “And I’m genuinely going to break your nose.”
It’s an empty threat, maybe. But it was enough to shut Damian up anyways. Jason turns back to his cereal and swishes the bowl around.
Dick rests his arms on the counter across from Jason and speaks lowly. “You know, it is just a few days. She’s coming back.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Jason was never one for showing his feelings—let alone talking about them.
He misses you, plain and simple. Dick could see that much clearly, though the longing looked unfamiliar on Jason.
Bruce lingers in the hallway, just past the island, listening.
He’ll admit (to himself) that he’s worried about Jason. It’s been three days and Jason has yet to show a crack in this demeanor. And while it’s not uncommon for him to stow himself away, there is something quite wrong with the way he hasn’t countered his brother’s jabs at him or teased them.
And while he could do without the blatant threats, he’s proud to hear his son defending his girlfriend, even over trivial things. It’s one of the few moments where he feels like he did right by him as a father.
And now here’s his son, caring about someone else more than he cares about himself. Someone who’s a good person, no less. It had been your idea to trick Jason into staying at the manor, you were scared that he would push his body past its limit when you couldn’t do anything to help.
Bruce knew you didn’t feel great about basically banishing him for the week but he could see that you just wanted what was best for Jason. He could see it so clearly. Maybe Bruce could never have been a perfect father, could never have given his son everything he needed despite having more money than he could ever use. Maybe he couldn’t help him, even now.
But you could.
Bruce peers around the corner, leaning up against the doorframe.
He watches Damian give up on carving at his block and start into the leg of the table.
He watches the bickering that broke out after Tim grab the last glazed donut, which was apparently the only thing Dick could possibly fathom eating.
And he watches Jason.
As Jason’s phone lights up on the counter next to him. He glances down at it with a frown before his face absolutely lights up.
He scrambles to pick the phone up and starts typing away. A quiet action that catches the attention of all of his brothers.
He types and types, waits for ten seconds for a response and types and types again—smile on his face.
The Waynes didn’t need to be the greatest detectives in the world to know who he was texting.
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ceilidho · 2 months
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sundog
prompt: Simon comes across a girl when she's recently been evicted and takes her back to his place, despite her reservations (nsfw, 8.5k) [based on this old post] [on ao3 here]
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The circumstances of your life change so abruptly that you lose sight of it for a moment. 
Then, you’re out on the streets with the clothes on your back and a suitcase packed so full that a sweater sleeve sticks out where the zippers meet. The locks to your apartment have already been changed. You know because you tried them anyway, desperately hoping that the eviction notice taped to your door might have been misplaced.
Evidently not. The keys don’t work. You contemplate chucking them on the walk out, but instead you keep them close like a talisman of protection, though it’s failed to live up to its purpose so far. 
You’ve got it under control for a day. If by ‘under control’, you mean experiencing a full body panic attack in the locker room of the twenty-four hour gym down the street from your old apartment. The staff gives you uncomfortable looks when you come in on the verge of tears with your suitcase rolling behind you, but they let you in because your membership is up to date. If you can count on anything in life, it’s consumerism. 
That doesn’t last long though, mainly because a locker and a wood bench won’t cut it in the long term. You sleep in the back of the local library until a stern-faced, if pitying, librarian threatens to call the cops on you. Pity isn’t sympathy, evidently. 
Gym management threatens to cut the lock on the locker you’ve been using as temporary storage space. Matter of fact, they say, you can’t be using the locker room as your quasi apartment between the hours of nine P.M. and seven A.M. just because everything else in the city is closed. Go home, they say. 
What home, you don’t say, before packing up your things and heading out on your way. 
If there’s one thing you can count on, it’s capitalism. 
You didn’t think this kind of thing could happen to someone like you. Someone like you being an ordinary person. Homelessness always felt like a far away concept. But the world is cruel and life is brutal. What you didn’t realize before was that, at any moment in time, you’ve been closer to poverty than wealth, and here you are now, sitting in the park with your suitcase between your legs, the sun rapidly setting behind you, your phone at ten percent battery, and nowhere to go because your family is, frankly, nonexistent, and your friends, for lack of a better word, have almost entirely washed their hands of you.
Sorry, they’d say, the frown emoji expressing something like pity at a distance. We don’t have a couch to spare. 
I can sleep on the floor, you’d texted back. They’d gotten cagey after that. People like to be wanted only to a certain extent.
You can feel the panic rise up in you, too big to contain. It comes out in the form of blubbering tears and snot running from your nose. Big, hiccuping sobs. It’s not pretty. Passersby avert their eyes for the most part, save for the ones that eye you with something bordering on perverse delight and that’s what finally makes you get up and speed walk away, lest they feel compelled to approach you. 
But even in the tailwinds of summer, it gets cold outside at night. Worst of all, as the evening grows dark, the streets empty out until you can’t help but feel like a beacon with your little rolling suitcase. It clatters against the sidewalk as you try to hoof it down the street, looking for any shop still open to loiter in. Most close after nine though. You’ve googled homeless shelters, but the sheer anxiety keeps you floundering around up and down the streets instead.
It feels beyond helpless. You’re in a state like you’ve never been before, crying under a streetlamp because you needed a moment just to get your bearings. 
What you know now is that this world is a house of false bottoms. You thought the circumstances of your life could never change. You were never well to do, but you were doing well. The sight of the unhoused sitting with their backs to the brick and mortar stores on your walk home or congregated in a park in the middle of the city with their tents and shopping carts used to fill you with immeasurable pity, maybe even a quiet moment’s reflection; now, you see them as kin. 
Easy, isn’t it? To slip between states. To go from solid to liquid to gaseous. Easier than you ever could have expected. 
When it starts to rain, you almost close your eyes in relief. Anyone could’ve predicted this. 
You almost don’t respond to him at first, keeping your eyes trained on the sidewalk to avoid any bumps. Also, it never pays to look up at a man barking at you, especially not when he’s barking something like, Girl or Bird, turn around. 
Then he says it again, closer this time, and you’re forced to look up, if only to see who’s approaching you. Your suspicion melts away to distrust at the sight of the man stalking towards you. Distrust with a touch of trepidation—maybe outright alarm. Surely no man his size wearing a balaclava tucked into a hoodie straining around his arms would have innocent designs on you. 
He’s one of the bigger men you’ve ever come across. You look across the street to see if there’s a bar missing its bouncer, but all the shop fronts are dark like the ones on your side. 
You don’t bolt at the sight of him, but it’s a near thing. He appears from nowhere, and yet there’s nowhere for him to hide. Not with the size and breadth of him damn near taking up the whole sidewalk. His demeanour and stride evoke such a sense of authority that at first you mistake him for a plainclothes man, and wouldn’t that be just the icing on the shit cake of a week you’ve been experiencing. But something about him says otherwise. 
“Plan on catchin’ your death out here?” he asks, and you shiver. Not from the cold, but from the sound of his voice. 
You’re not used to talking to strangers. A month ago, you would’ve ignored the man lambasting you for being out in the rain; maybe crossed the street and hailed a cab instead. You don’t have those kinds of options anymore. The only thing left in your repertoire is to shout back. 
“I’ve got mace!” you yell out, your voice a hoarse rattle carved out from hours spent crying. 
“That’ll do ya fuck all out here,” he says, a touch condescendingly. “You lost or somethin’?”
“I’m not lost,” you sniff, rubbing the snot away from your nose with the end of your sleeve.
“Then get home instead of roamin’ the streets. You’re askin’ to get snatched up, bird.”
The threat of that has been lingering in your head these past few days, even stretching back to the very first moment that you noticed the sign on your door, but now it has its intended effect. You shake. 
“I can’t,” you whisper.
“Bloody hell,” he sighs. “Why the fuck not? Need someone to call you a cab?”
“I got evicted. I don’t have a home,” you say, and sniffle when your nose leaks again. Saying it outloud brings tears to your eyes again, a pressure building behind your orbital sockets and down to the tip of your nose. 
You must look like the saddest thing in the world standing there in the rain under the dim light of the streetlamp, the pole looped with graffiti and old gum. When the man berating you for being out in it takes a step forward, coming into the light, you can finally make out the bored depths of his eyes. A deep brown. Entirely unimpressed with the picture in front of him, maybe even a bit peeved. 
Your socks are wet and your shoes squelch when you take a step back. You pull the sheer sweater tighter around your frame, but it does nothing to protect you from the damp, frigid air. 
“You been out here long?” he asks, taking another step closer. Not tentatively either. His gaze sweeps over you proprietarily, taking stock; his arrogance comes as an afterthought. He’s not rubbing it in your face that he can do whatever he likes—he just does. 
You wheel your suitcase around in front of you to put something between the two of you. “…Just today. The gym kicked me out.”
You sound petulant, words chewed between your lips and teeth; begrudgingly admitting to the various pitfalls of your existence. All the bad luck. It’s shameful to admit to losing complete control of your life. 
“Haven’t ya got any family, girl? Friends? What’re they letting a girl like you stay out on the streets for?”
You could be sick on the pavement. “…That’s none of your business.”
His eyes go flat at that, unimpressed. “You always this nasty to people tryin’ to help?”
And you’re not. That’s the part that grates the most. You’re all soft underbelly; no bark, no bite. It’s inconceivable that this could’ve happened to you—inconceivable because your head is filled with false promises and mythologies. The myth of exceptionalism. This happens to other people. Not good girls that go to college and get their degrees and find a stable job. 
They’ve pulled the rug out from under you so fast that you haven’t even toppled over yet. That’s how quick it all happened. 
“What help are you?” The bite comes out of nowhere, fueled by bitter humiliation and resentment for the predicament you’ve found yourself in. “Are you gonna put me up in a hotel?”
“Think I’m made of money, bird?” he asks rhetorically. 
“You’ve probably got more than I have.” 
Now you’re weepy again at the thought. Down to your last hundred dollars and you’re in between jobs at the moment. It might’ve been easier to haul yourself out of poverty if applying for jobs didn’t require a mailing address. That’ll be your first priority once you find a place to live. But conversely, how are you meant to find housing with no proof of income? Landlords laugh in your face before slamming the door shut. The conversations are circular, but they always come to a grinding halt; that’s the only thing you’ve learned to expect. 
The worst part of this whole conversation is that it doesn’t follow any of the scripts you’ve previously memorized. When have you ever had to deal with a man interrogating you about your place of residence? It makes no sense. 
It’s inconceivable to imagine that this is happening to you, but it is. Life comes at you hard, with a razor’s edge. Sharp enough to cut, to lacerate. 
“You need a place to stay,” he states bluntly. 
“It’s fine. I’ll—I’ll find something.” 
“You could come home with me.” He says it so bluntly that for a moment all you can do is blink. Surely you misheard him. Surely a man of his size and breadth, dark mask obscuring his face, wouldn’t be daft enough to ask a woman he found on the street to come home with him.
The offer, as well-intentioned as you hope it is, puts you on edge. “No, that’s…that’s alright. I don’t want to…put you out. I was going to look up nearby shelters.”
“Shelters’ll all be full this time of night,” he says. “Never been on the streets?”
You clenched your teeth, nerves starting to get the better of you. 
“I can go to a church,” you say, voice terse now, frayed with nerves. 
He snorts. “Haven’t been to one in a long time, but pretty sure those close too, pet. It’s late.”
You sway on your feet, the suitcase at your side the only thing keeping your knees from buckling. Dead ends everywhere you turn. You’ve always thought of yourself as resourceful; that if push came to shove, you’d figure your way out of any sticky situation. That smacks of arrogance now. All your suppositions are dissolving right in front of you, your own self-image along with it. 
A heavy foot stepping into a puddle brings you back to focus. The masked man is closer now, within arm’s reach. Your heart jumps into your throat. He towers over you, monolith man; big as a sequoia, or other deadland creatures that vanish out of sight when you catch a shadow out of the corner of your eye and whirl around to look it dead on. 
“I can’t go home with a stranger.”
You know you’re not supposed to put your faith in strange men. Bad things happen to girls that go around trusting any man that offers up their help. 
The fist in your chest loosens infinitesimally when the man reaches up to pull the mask off his head. He’s every inch the brute you imagined in your head—blunt chin and crooked nose, a nasty scar running up his lip. There are scars all over his face, in fact—bisecting his left eyebrow and down his cheek. The blond hair on his head is slightly grown out, like he’s used to keeping it neat and tight but it’s been awhile since his head has seen a razor. His beard grows in a bit patchy, the burnish gold of a five o’clock shadow.
You frown. “Is that supposed to make me trust you?”
“Well, now we’re not strangers, are we?”
“That doesn’t—that doesn’t change anything! I still don’t know you.”
He shrugs. Takes a step back. “Suit yourself then. No skin off my ass.”
Your stomach roils, anxiety coming back with a vengeance. You hadn’t noticed it recede since the man started talking to you, but you notice its return. When he makes a move to turn back around, you lurch forward, your hand extending out and fisting in the side of his shirt. He pauses, then looks down at you. 
“…Where else am I supposed to go?” you whisper.
He tilts his head. “Could sleep on a bench in the park.”
You glare at him through tear-soaked eyes. “That’s not funny.”
“Wasn’t meant to be. You’re shit out of other options at this time of night.”
“So, what? Now it’s-it’s my fault or something?”  
His eyes don’t exactly soften, but they lose their hard edge. 
“I’m not gonna ask twice,” he says. Not cautioning you, just stating a fact. “You coming or not?”
Disaster seems like a given at this point. At least you could pick your poison. 
Words are beyond you though, so you just bite your lip and nod, eyes downcast now. 
What else is there for you to do but follow him after that? You trail along after him like a sad, wet cat left out in the rain. 
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He finds her wandering the streets with her pretty little suitcase rolling over every bump and crack in the sidewalk and there’s no fighting the urge to drag her home. 
She doesn’t look like a runaway. Just a poor thing down on her luck. Her cheeks practically glisten with her tears when she looks up at him with her big, pathetic eyes, and it makes his cock plump up against his thigh. 
That’s not what this is about though. Simon presses his hand against his dick to rub out some of the ache while she flutters around the bedroom and reminds himself of that again. He didn’t take her home to maul her like a dog. He dragged her back to his flat because she looked wounded and scared out of her wits. 
He can be good every now and then. 
“Sit down, will ya?” he grunts, tugging her down onto the couch when she flits across the room to grab more of her shit out of her suitcase, glancing down at him apprehensively on her way by. She yelps when he sends her sprawling onto the couch. 
His flat isn’t much. A one-bedroom above a laundromat; eggshell walls and torn up baseboards because he hasn’t gotten around to fixing the place up. It’s better than sleeping on the streets though, he knows that much. 
Simon’s no stranger to that; if being in the military taught him anything, it was how to survive regardless of circumstances. In the weeks after his medical discharge—his knees beyond busted, basically bone on bone, and even these days, though he works more to have something to do than to earn a living, they still scream at him when he puts too much weight on them—he wandered aimlessly for a bit, crashing on Gaz’s couch for a bit and sleeping on benches for a spell after that before finding his footing again. 
Simon ignores the way that she yaps at him though, used to tuning people out. He flicks on the television and flips to a show that looks vaguely entertaining before getting up and ambling over to the kitchen. 
“D-do you want me to help?” she asks from the kitchen, tripping over her words in her haste to get them out. 
She reeks of the need to please. Desperate; cloying, sickly sweet like flowering dracaena. It clings to her like a perfume, silk-wrapped and packaged just for him. It could give a man like him indecent thoughts. His thoughts already tend towards the impure. 
He must eye her like a ravenous animal because she flinches suddenly under his gaze, eyes flicking away nervously before meeting his again. Good girl, Simon wants to say. Eyes on me. 
“Sit down,” he barks instead, and relishes in the way she sits back down with her hands tucked under her thighs. 
She’s really a pretty little thing. A shame that he found her out wandering in the rain, out where any man with worse intentions could have stumbled across her. The thought alone could drive him to violence. Again he stares at the back of her head and the slope of her shoulders, evaluating. His bloodlust dulls to a simmer. It pounds in his ears like a dull drum, but at least now he can hear again. 
Anyone else could have found her first, but they didn’t. He did. That tempers the homicidal impulse thrumming in his blood. She’s in his flat now, freshly showered and skin still damp. When she looks over her shoulder, it’s him she sees. 
Poor bird with her clipped wings. She’s not in danger of flying off anytime soon. The thought placates him. Tucked away in his cage, he doesn’t have to rend anyone limb from limb.
It’s been years since he traded in his fatigues for a hi vis jumpsuit, but some days he misses it so acutely that his hands shake and his vision fades in and out. This is one of those days. He toys with the idea of reaching out to Price in the morning to learn more about her, but then discards the idea. Better if it comes straight from her.
Besides, he doesn’t like asking for favours anyway.
“Name’s Simon, by the way,” he grunts, nostrils flaring when he sees her flinch at the sound of his voice. “Riley.”
“Oh,” is all she says. He waits a beat.
“Gonna give me your name, bird?”
She does, voice squeaky like it’s said under duress. That pisses him off more. 
He's not much of a cook, but he can whip up something quick, so he tosses one of his frozen meals into the microwave and sits her in front of the TV while she shivers and shakes on the couch.
They eat in silence, the TV on in the background. It’s the only noise besides the soft sound of her chewing. Simon can tell she’s gone hungry in recent days by the voracious way she eats, unable to keep herself from shovelling the food into her mouth. She seems almost embarrassed by it after swallowing her last bite, looking over at him from the corner of her eye like a guilty dog. He ignores it, keeping his eyes on the TV instead.
He can tell she wants to say something. A shit childhood and two decades in the military have left him with the ability to sniff out tension, and it comes off her in waves. After putting her plate on the coffee table, she sits back against the couch and squeezes her fists over her lap. Gnaws her lip and casts furtive glances in his direction. When the tears build up on her waterline, his cock twitches. 
“What?” he barks after the umpteenth sniffle, twisting to face her. 
“I—um—I just wanted to say thank you,” she whispers, her head still tilted downward, trying to make herself small enough to go unnoticed. 
Simon stares down at her, unblinking. He half wishes she’d cry a little more, just a few tears to soothe the beast in his chest. It’s better for her that her eyes remain dry. He doesn’t think he could hold himself back if one slipped down her cheek right now. He’d have to grab her by the nape of her neck and twist her over the side of the couch, shove down both their drawers and feed his cock into the warm, wet slot between her legs. Pummel her little cunt until his spend leaks out in thick, viscous globs, until her thighs shake so violently that only his hands on her shoulders and his shaft shoved deep in her pussy keeps her upright. 
He can almost smell it from between her legs, throbbing with gratefulness. He stares down unabashedly at the spot between her legs. Let her say something about it. 
“Don’t mention it,” he says instead, tilting his head when her tongue peeks out to wet her lips. “‘Was nothing.”
“No, it was really nice of you,” she insists, speaking more forcefully after gathering up some of her courage. “What if I…—you took a stranger into your house.”
That gets the blood pumping. “Gonna gut me while I sleep, pet?”
It’s half deranged that his cock chubs up in his jeans at the thought of his little bird with a knife in her hands, hands dripping with wet, dark blood. He shifts, readjusting himself so the metal teeth of his zipper don’t bite into his dick. 
She frowns. Endearing. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“Not really good at looking after yourself, are you?”
“I am—it’s just…” tears build up on her waterline again, “it was one thing after another. I couldn’t get it all together.”
Pity isn’t an emotion he’s accustomed to feeling. Simon’s not even sure if that’s what he’s feeling now. It’s more like the bastard child of pity. 
He lets her off to bed with a warning not to fuck with anything in his room. She skitters off quickly after that. Her cute little ass follows her into the room until she shuts the door behind her, hiding it from view. He huffs. Being good never gets him anywhere.
He lets her run away though because he can’t tarnish everything he touches. Some things deserve to stay polished. 
Instead, he brushes his teeth and washes the last of the dishes before turning in as well, getting a clean sheet out of the linen closet to drape over himself. The couch isn’t nearly long enough for him to stretch out on, not like the king sized bed in his room; there’s already a spring poking him right in the middle of his back.
Sleep won’t come easy tonight. 
Simon wakes up on the couch with a kink in his neck. He lays there for several minutes gritting his teeth until the worst of it passes. When he sits up, his back cracks and pops, joints loosening only reluctantly. His age is getting away from him again; the wear and tear on his body finally starting to catch up. There’s only so much abuse he can put himself through. 
The morning races on outside his front door and he has work to get to, but his body orients towards the closed door of his bedroom almost without his say. It creaks as it swings open. 
In the slowly dimming haze of sleep, he must have subconsciously thought he dreamt the night before because seeing the girl from yesterday curled up in his bed halts him in his tracks. Her suitcase is open on the floor beside the bed. She must have changed into her pyjamas after slinking away last night because he doesn’t recognize the little cotton shorts hugging the swell of her ass and the shirt riding up over her belly button. 
Despite the perfunctory morning jerk he gave himself just ten minutes prior, his cock twitches in his work pants, gaze locked on the underside of her ass, the flesh peeking out from beneath her sleep shorts. 
The hunger ebbs out of a deep, cavernous hole in him. A heavy, oppressive heat; lust so gnarled and twisted that he hardly recognizes it. He can see it play out in his mind—crawling over the bird’s prone form and turning her over onto her belly, his knees on either side of her legs, cloaking her. Tugging down the zipper of his pants and wrenching those slutty shorts down to mid-thigh before burying his shaft in her hole. Little bird that followed him home, sleeping in his bed. She should thank him for his help with a wet hole. 
Simon takes a step into the room and then stops. He won’t—can’t—
His teeth grind together from how hard he clenches his jaw. 
He stands in the doorway and watches her sleep in his bed for longer than he should. Only when he feels something ugly well up in his chest does he finally bark out her name, snorting softly when she jumps and nearly falls right off the side of the bed. 
“Get up,” Simon grunts. “And make yourself something to eat. I’ve gotta head out.”
He walks away before the befuddled look on her face makes him crack a smile. 
She tiptoes out a few minutes later, still in her PJs. Her wary glances tick him off. For the effort it’s taken him to keep his hands to himself, he deserves more than her shifty looks, scoring him like he split her little peach open in her sleep.  
Breakfast is an uncomfortable affair. It’s partly his fault, but he doesn’t apologize for it. They eat in tense silence until it’s time for him to head to work. 
“Don't think about leaving—any of my shit gets nicked and it's your ass.”
He leaves her with that warning, slamming the door behind him.
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Your heart goes quiet at the dawning of your new life. 
Adjusting to your new reality takes a bit of effort. The first few days with Simon feel tenuous at best. You worry constantly about doing something wrong and finding yourself back out on the streets. You’re thankful to the point of pandering, apologizing for any sudden move or sound that you make. You can tell it annoys him. 
The real work is recontextualizing your perception of yourself. The world feels strange now that you’re outside of it; alien somehow. You used to think of yourself as somehow inextricably woven into the fabric of society. The thought of losing everything never even occurred to you. It never even presented itself as a possibility. You worried about homelessness the way people worry about quicksand—in some nebulous way touching on the real without being absorbed by it. 
And now you are cut from another cloth altogether; abruptly, without any warning. You used to feel like one with the rest of the world, a kind of kinship based less on parentage or ancestry and more on inner nature. Weren’t you the same as any of them? But now the drapery has been pulled down and you know—you are not the same. 
Your future used to shimmer under the surface like a bioluminescent fish, but now it’s just a ghost.
He tells you to stay put when he goes to work so you do, spending the days puttering around the apartment, watching TV, and cleaning. There’s not much else to do. It’s almost a relief, to be honest. You’ve spent so much time without a place to call home that the second someone offered you one, the outside world became anathema in your head. You couldn’t step foot out of the front door even if you wanted to. 
Tears well up at the smallest thing. You blubber over not being able to work the coffee machine in the kitchen. When the sound goes out on the TV, you cry so hard that it leaves you woozy. You’re lachrymose, downtrodden. Soul a startling verdigris; your waterlines might as well be white with encrustations of salt. 
He must notice the dark cloud following you from room to room, but he doesn’t bring it up. You’d find it tactful, but you know him a bit better than that. 
Then Simon brings home a cat after his shift one day and you don’t know what to say to that.
Thank you doesn’t seem to suffice. I love it doesn’t cut it close. The truth of the matter is that words only ever approximate the feeling; they can get close enough to give you a glimmer of what’s stashed inside, but you can’t pry them all the way open. So you take the off-white cat from him when he practically tosses the poor thing into your arms, and stare up at him wide-eyed, eyes already watering for reasons once again unbeknownst to you. 
“Thank you for taking him home,” you say, already on the verge of tears.
He stares down at you, unblinking. You’re learning to read into his silences though. 
“Don’t expect me to take care of it,” he says instead of accepting your thanks. “If you can’t handle it, it’s going back outside.” 
You hold the cat tight to your chest, staring up at him with horror until the little beast nearly scratches your eye out in an effort to squirm out of your arms. 
At first, you’re not sure what to make of it. It can’t be a peace offering because, apart from the rare occasions where you manage to get on his nerves (not wholly impossible, but you’re learning how to stay on his good side for the most part), you and Simon get along pretty well. You coexist, at least. He cooks, you clean. 
It’s likely a distraction, you finally realize, something to keep you from moping around the apartment all the time, listless and directionless. Despite the fact that you’re no longer in any immediate danger now that you have a roof over your head, misery still clings to you like a second skin. The relative safety of Simon’s flat has actually only given you a chance to really properly mourn the loss of your former life. 
Training the cat to wear a harness without tipping over (the little drama king) and taking him on his first walk outside (just a little turn around the block, though you half jump out of your skin whenever you cross paths with another person) gives you enough of a sense of purpose to propel you through the next week. 
You can tell that Simon thinks the cat is more trouble than it’s worth, especially when it decides to fixate on the one person in the flat that doesn’t pay it a lick of attention, but still it makes your heart melt to see it curled up by his side when you watch TV together at the end of the night. 
“Is this normal for you?” you ask, hands folded in your lap.
His gaze doesn’t move from the television screen. “Is what normal?”
“Taking in strays.”
He snorts, then takes a second to answer. “No.”
You wonder if he intends to sound as caustic as he comes across. The truth is self-evident though. Words only mask the real, and the real in this case is that Simon Riley is a man that feeds and takes home strays. He can grumble about it all he wants. It’s a bit demeaning to think of yourself that way, but once again, the truth is what it is. 
You study him from the corner of your eye until bedtime rolls around again. He’s become the most interesting thing in the world to you, through every fault of his own.
If he didn’t want you to fixate on him, he wouldn’t have left you home alone with nothing else to do. 
“Bird!” Simon roars from the other room. “The cat’s pissed on the floor again.”
You spring out of bed before Simon has a chance to toss it out onto the balcony. 
It feels temporary up until the first time you use Simon’s address on a job application. It stands out stark on your phone screen, black on glowing white. You’ve always preferred it to dark mode, though that preference has fluctuated in recent weeks as you’ve spent more and more time on your phone. 
This is the first time staring at the screen without blinking for a prolonged period of time that hasn’t left you with a throbbing migraine. 
He tells you to stop bothering him with stupid shit when you ask him if it’s alright to use his address. That answers that. Guilt lingers on the periphery of your mind the first time that you do, but then the application is submitted. An innocuous grey box that redefines your whole world in a way that [Thanks for applying!] doesn’t seem to encapsulate. 
Your old friends come next. They come back one by one, guilty, furtive looks aplenty. You Facetime the one who wouldn’t let you sleep on her couch while sitting on Simon’s bed. When she asks you about your living situation, all you tell her is that you found a roommate. It doesn’t feel right to give her more information than that. What has she done to deserve your honesty? 
You manage pleasantries and a half decent conversation, but truth again lingers at the back of your mind. The unspoken reality that this person—someone you trusted—could’ve been there for you in your time of need but chose to look the other way instead. Like taking you in would’ve been some big, terrible thing. 
The body forgets everything except what hurts it. The body remembers nothing except what helps it survive. 
Gratefulness lodges into your heart like an arrow shot from a castle’s ramparts intent on your demise. You could pull it out from the other side and succumb to blood loss, or you could push forward, lay siege to the man hidden inside its walls. 
And you do. You want to show him every grateful inch of you. Even when it only results in more upset. Simon comes home to the smoke alarm blaring and a small fire in the microwave before he bans you from the kitchen altogether. You only cry for an hour in the bedroom with the door shut before he drags you out to takeout on the table in the living room. It’s an improvement. 
“I’m sorry,” you sniffle into your veggie burger, on the verge of tears again when you glance into the kitchen to see most of the mess still there. 
“It’s fine.”
“I just want to—I wanted to make it up to you…for taking me in.”
“You don’t owe me shit,” he says brusquely, dismissing you. His tone tells you to drop it, but that seems as likely as you growing wings and flying away. 
“Yes, I do. You let me stay here when I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”
“If you want to make it up to me, take care of the cat and stop leaving your shit all over the bathroom. Found your knickers on the floor after you showered yesterday.”
Your face goes hot at that. You have nothing else to say. 
Your attraction is a banal consequence of living under the same roof as him. There are only so many times he can come up behind you while you’re making your morning cup of coffee and swipe your mug before taking a sip from over your shoulder, barricading you against the counter. Acutely aware of the size of him with the way he’s pressed up against you. 
You lose your train of thought whenever Simon wanders into a room. He lumbers in like a beast, steel-toed boots covered in mud and dust, ignoring the way you scold him for walking around the apartment in his shoes. Just cocks an eyebrow and stares down at you knowingly, like he can see right through you, knows that you’re only squawking and flitting around to hide the way your thighs rub together. 
“It’s my fuckin’ flat,” he says instead of pointing out that your pussy’s wet because she knows there’s a man in the house that could take care of her proper. You know it too. 
“I live here too, you know,” you huff. “I can’t wash the floors every time you come home.”
“Thought I was doing you a favour letting you live here.”
His words would fill you with righteous indignation, but they don’t because his actions don’t line up. You study him like a moth under glass, enthralled by the parts of him that used to frighten you. 
It’s more than that though. He’s wedged himself into the hurt place in your heart, holding it up like Atlas. 
You really do think that there’s something so special about him that you’ll never be able to articulate. Simon is everything you didn’t know you desperately wanted. The longer you live with him, the harder it is to deny how much you need him. 
You will show your gratitude though. Every tender, aching morsel of it. 
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The little peach she grinds on his thigh is wet and ripe. Simon doesn’t tell her that he doesn’t need her gratitude; if he wanted it, he would’ve taken it already. But he doesn’t shove her out of his lap either. It’s not his problem if she thinks it’s necessary or not.
Maybe it’s not solely for his benefit, he concedes when she winds both arms around his neck and pushes her supple tits into his chest, climbing over his lap until her pussy is pressed right up against the cock fattening up in his jeans. She whimpers like she’s in pain. 
Must not come a lot; he knows she at least hasn’t in recent days. Simon’s always been a light sleeper—he’s sure he would’ve heard any desperate attempts to get herself off in his bed, the springs creaking under her weight, her hushed, bitten off moans leaking out from under the doorframe. The thought riles him up more than he thought it would. 
Still, Simon doesn’t lift a hand to help the poor bird in his lap as she grinds down on his length. His arms stay stretched across the back of the couch, hips canted just enough to give her a perch and nothing more. 
She gasps every word into his ear, voice all pitched and breathy. “Ah, ah, ah—thank you, thank you, I…—can I please have it? Please, please let me, Simon, pleasepleaseplease—”
It feels like everything they’ve been through so far has been leading to this. He’d smelt it coming like blood in the water. 
All week, his bird has been sitting on her hands and trying not to give herself away. Cloaked in a nervous, frenetic energy. Anticipatory. She’d doe-eyed him the night before and begged him to sleep in the bed with her instead of wrecking his back on the couch, but he’d ignored her in favour of watching Argentina decimate Croatia in the semi-finals. It must have not sat right with her though because she’d been broody from the moment he left for work until he got home, steering him into the kitchen and practically hand feeding him before coaxing him into the living room to watch a movie while she cuddled up beside him.
That hadn’t lasted long. 
“What’s gotten into you, pet?” Simon asks, hardly dissuading her when she presses petal soft lips to his jaw and nuzzles, breathing heavily. His heart swells. Desperate little slut. 
“Took care of me,” she mumbles, almost slurring her words. “Always taking care of me, Simon.”
There’s no denying how hard it makes him to think about being her protector. The littlest things make her smile. Even the bloody cat had her trailing after him for a week straight after the fact, eternally underfoot. Always trying to curry favour. Eager to please. 
Her worship leaves him unbalanced. Unstable even. A train careening off its track, the massive weight of catastrophe right behind it. The sense that life will never be the same after this. His surface level indifference is underscored by steeled self-control. He keeps his arms on the couch because he knows the second he puts them on her, it’s over. There’ll be no holding him back anymore, no possibility of him ever letting her go back out into the real world. Lock jawed, teeth sunk into her tender underbelly. 
“Told you, you don’t owe me nothing,” Simon murmurs, curling his hands under her ass. 
“Then—then…—I don’t know, pretend it’s just for me.” It’s a joke because they both know it’s not just for her. When her eyes sparkle with amusement, his cock throbs.
He lets her ruck the shirt over his head and struggle with his belt until she manages to unbuckle it like he has no say in the matter. She’s far less considerate with her own clothes, shucking them off and nearly ripping her knickers in the process, which almost prompts him to take her by the wrists and slow her down. He likes the lace and frills. 
It’s a fight to fit his cock into her hole, as slick as she is. Coin slot tight; he almost breaks and tells her to take it easy when she reaches behind her to line his shaft up with her entrance and sits down, just barely stretching around the mushroomed head of his dick before wincing, tears springing into her eyes. 
Simon does break when she tries to sink down another inch, thighs shaking violently. “Right, get off—you ain’t ready for this.”
“I am!” she insists, face screwed up in a scowl and a bead of sweat dripping down her temple. “Just—I can do it, Simon—”
“No, you can’t. You’re rushing and hurting yourself—”
“Wait, okay, wait, I can…just give me a minute, okay?” she begs, and he doesn’t tell her that he’d give her all the time in the world. Stay on this couch until the flesh fell off his bones. He’s waited so long; what’s a little longer? 
Besides, the sight of her stretching herself out with her fingers is reward enough. She whines into his shoulder and shudders when she has to force another finger in before she’s ready. Too eager. It could give a man a complex. His blood is already scorching him from the inside out, too hot for his veins.  
He considers helping her out, but watching her writhe and struggle in his lap is far more enjoyable. 
He stopped paying attention awhile back, too focused on cupping her tits and running his tongue around the budded areola, sucking her pert nipple into his mouth, but she couldn’t have gotten to more than three fingers before running out of patience and lining him up again. This time, she sinks a bit deeper on the first stroke, still choking on her breath but forcing herself to take a bit more. 
“You’re alright—you’re alright,” Simon murmurs, stroking a hand up and down her back while she impales herself on his length. She’s still too tight to take him comfortably, sweats and shakes over him. He pinches her nipple to distract her from the pain and smiles when she yelps. 
She melts all over him, slick drenching his shaft and lap, her tongue lapping at the sweaty skin of his neck. Honeysuckle fragrant; the sweetest thing he’s ever known. Silken, tight. Fits like a glove around him. 
He could lose himself in her. Piston into her until the thought of where he begins and where he ends dissolves into the tight warmth between her legs.
His bird is a greedy girl. She uses him like a toy to get herself off, bouncing in his lap and mewling into his ear everytime his cockhead nudges against her cervix. Too big to fit all the way in. 
“You do this a lot, pet? Fuck every man that lends you a hand?” he pants, taunting her.
“No!” she snarls in his ear, feisty and sharp-toothed. Her nails dig into his back, scoring white lines into his skin. The shiver that wracks him is so violent that his arms tighten around her waist reflexively, making her gasp. 
It doesn’t matter whether she does this often or not; the only thing that matters is that he’s the only man that gets to fuck her from here on out. Still, winding her up is half the fun. 
“Perfect girl,” Simon chuckles, breathless. “Made for me. Got m’self a pet right off the street.”
And he did, didn’t he? Went wandering out into the night and came home with a bird fluttering her wet little wings. 
His conscience is clean. He could’ve tied her down, kept her right where he wanted her (in his bed, his flat, the yawning cavity of his chest—) but his self-control remains unparalleled. Tough as nails. Strong as steel. And now look at what he has as a reward for his patience—a fever-hot cunt around his cock and delicate fingernails scratching the base of his skull. 
A pretty bird that’s made his chest a cage. 
The world goes vertical, horizontal. Fluid; sliding away from him. Something crashes in the background, so far off in the distance that he can hardly make out the sound. 
He opens his eyes to find the ceiling staring back down at him, and then her face, hovering over him on the carpeted floor, her hands kneading the muscle of his chest. Her brows are drawn tight now, pinched. She stares down at him, past him, gaze like a transparent veil. 
“Gi’me…gi’me…” she pants, barely able to pull herself off his cock. 
He has to dig his fingers into her ass and pull her off, ignoring the way she whines and begs him to fill her back up. Ignores it because he knows what’s best for her; knows how to take care of what he owns. 
When he bucks up into her, she chokes, fingers nearly yanking his chest hair out. 
“Fuckin’ hell, that’s pretty,” he breathes. Snaps his hips up into hers again, relishing in the way she squeezes tight around him, almost to the point of pain. 
His pleasure always comes jagged though. Whether the ache of his joints or nails tearing up the skin of his back and chest. Vicious and messy—how he likes it. She gives him everything he could want and more. The hand dug into his chest right above his heart could pierce right through the flesh and tear it out.
He pulls her all the way off his cock just for the pleasure of hearing her beg him again, then pulls her up his chest and eats her out until the beast in his belly calms down. 
He yields to her whining only after a good few minutes. Soft bastard. Drags her back down until her soaked hole mouths at the head of his cock and he thrusts back up inside. Home. It’s his now, whether she likes it or not. Simon guesses he’s lucky that she wants it too; if he had to convince her, he would, but her desperation is just another gift for him to savour. 
“Squeeze me good, bird. Say thank you—” thank you for taking me home, thank you for keeping me– almost spills off his tongue, but he reigns it in. She knows what to be thankful for. 
“Nngh, Simon,” she sings, fucking herself on his cock. The sweetest sound he’s ever heard. 
Simon’s never felt bigger than under his sweet bird. Thighs spread so wide around him that he knows she’ll ache in the morning. Brutish hands groping her thighs and waist and tits, rough against the softness of her skin. Stuffed full of a big cock, not even to the root; she bites right through her bottom lip when Simon pets at the thin skin stretched around his cock, her gaze wounded, overwhelmed. 
Nearly blacks out at the thought of cramming a finger up there too. Only faint concern for her well-being tamps down the urge. 
“Come on, fuck—that good, pet?”
“R-right there, oh god, ohgodohgod—”
He lets her ride him until she comes, until he comes, until his spend is blistering hot in her cunt, drooling down the length of his cock, frothy white with her cream and his come. 
It’s a sight to look at. Gets him right in the chest. Nothing like times of yore; this is something with meaning, with feeling. When he lifts her off, his seed trickles out of her soft hole in white globs and makes his chest ache. It doesn’t matter whether it takes root or not. All that he needs is already here. 
Beautiful and rare as a sundog; haloed by light. All this time, he dared not think this could be it. 
He thinks he’ll love her with the same ferocity Icarus had on his descent.
She shivers when he traces his fingers up her spine. “N’more. M’tired.”
“Wasn’t gonna, pet.”
The bedroom then. She twitches in his arms when Simon carries her to bed and pats his chest approvingly when he slides in beside her. 
He could’ve told her that it’d end up this way. He smiles indulgently when she shifts and splays over his chest, her nose nudging his nipple. Already fast asleep. 
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In the morning, you sit across from him, half a grapefruit in a bowl in front of you and a mug of coffee, black. 
“I think I want to go back to school,” you say, apropos of nothing. The spoon clinks against the inside of the bowl. 
“Yeah?” he says, only half-listening. 
“I can always get a part time job on the days when I don’t have class. I never liked my old job anyway.”
“Do whatever you want,” Simon grunts. “Not my problem.”
Under the table, your cat’s tail curls around your ankle while he waits for you to sneak him the scraps. 
You smile.
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ew-selfish-art · 1 year
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Dpxdc AU: consultant groups can be used to outsource problems for companies so why not monarchies?
Danny is listening to the various eyeballs and ghosts chatter on about all the issues that he now has to oversee and advise and make so many freaking decisions on. It’s annoying that it all has to come down to his call because he was a dumb 14 year old who didn’t want his town to permanently live in the ghost zone.
Now 17, King of the Infinite, and a bit wiser to the world, Danny is doing his best to balance his teenage ambitions to not give a shit and his protective obsession to very much give a shit.
Sams parents are making her learn the family business and Tucker is trying to make this internship he’s got with a fancy tech company out of New Jersey into a career without college… so while they’re commiserating with Danny the idea comes up.
Earth has a shit ton of heroes. Like, ever since the Justice League *poofed* the GIW out of existence with the Meta human acts- more and more caped crusaders seemed to be coming out of the wood work. More villains too but still, more people who seemed wise to their abilities and morals. Danny has literally never taken an ethics class.
But rn, Eye-mothy and Eye-Bert are arguing over how Danny as King Phantom is supposed to tackle the problem of some fucking pool acting as a weird trade route with a cult and… ugh it’s just so boring but like also such a fucking problem. But… maybe it can be someone else’s issue.
Opening a portal, Danny escapes into space and gets to work finding the base of operations- Tucker had told him there was a new satellite after all and there’s no way it wasn’t connected to the hero orgs- and boom he flies into the Watchtower.
“Hey- are any of you guys willing to consult on some weird pools of ectoplasm in Pakistan? Green and glowing little lakes of bullshit and magic?” Danny asks into the meeting room of the JL regardless of their startled and alarmed exclamations.
“… I could consult on that.” A voice comes from the corner, and Danny recognizes him as one of the bat people. Or bird? The guy is in a lot of red and clearly wasn’t supposed to be in this meeting based on the way he’s propped in the corner. The room erupts in protest but Danny barely hears them through his excitement and focus on the dude.
“Great! I’ll have him back before the end of the day! Lets go Bird boy!” And with that, Danny grabbed the Bird, chucked them both through a portal back into his thrown room and begins to explain the way these eyeballs are totally trying to trap him into doing more work than he needs to do.
“What do I call you by the way? I’m Danny but you’ll probably hear them call me King Phantom.”
“I go by Red Robin, and honestly, I’ve been trying to get this shit taken care of for years.”
From there Tim becomes a regular consultant for King Phantom- the Bat Family is losing their minds with him constantly going to the land of the dead but also Constantine said not to piss off the king at all costs.
Danny is just thrilled that this dude has a shit ton of insight as well as business sense- like he could legit run the monarchy way better than him despite the fact that they’re the same age.
They end up working together for years, and even when there’s not an active issue at hand, Danny will meet up with the bird just to talk.
Sam and Tucker think they’re hilarious each time they ask if Danny’s proposed yet.
Tim has already planned their wedding but all of that information is in a folder more secured than the nuclear codes- Danny needs to ask him on a date first.
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evilgwrl · 27 days
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Neighbour!Simon Riley x Reader
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Girl Next Door (Two)
CW: Mutual masturbation again, Simon has incredibly perverted thoughts about you, a stranger jumps into your backyard!!! :)
Previous Chapter, Next Chapter
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The Summer air was sticky, spits of sweat clinging to the back of your neck as intricates of hair moulded to your skin. You felt damp, your clothes acting like an uncomfortable Band-Aid that strained against your flesh causing an itching sensation that wouldn’t subside no matter how hard you rubbed or scratched.
It was upsetting, you dearly loved your garden. You took great pride in how pretty it was, the adornment of tulips and dahlias, entwined between rows of carnations and peonies. There was a stark difference between your house and your neighbour, even between the differing shades of grass, his a deeper juniper and yours a dewy pine.
Steady hands gripped the blue watering can, droplets beading at the top before feeding the parched plants. Gloved hands patted down the wet dirt, your eyes squinting under the boiling sun as you hurried under some shade. Thirsty lips found the straw, the sickly sweetness of pink lemonade sliding down your throat as you let out a dramatic sigh.
Your eyes trailed over the fence, the wood structure was tall, yet not tall enough to fully conceal your neighbour’s house, his kitchen on display as you froze, a staggering figure watching out the window at you. You waved awkwardly, holding up your glass of lemonade as Simon turned around, walking away from the glass pane.
Your belly felt hot. Was he watching you that whole time? You glanced down at your sundress, a bright red puffed out with a drastic shade of yellow flowers splattered around the fabric. Did he think you looked weird? Or pretty? What if he thought you were creepy and staring at him first?
You shook your head, chucking your gardening gloves to the side as you strolled inside. The soft strum of music played, your fans working overtime to cool down your house. You had never made much of an effort to speak to your neighbour, yet realised he never made much of an effort to speak to anyone. You had never seen him converse with anyone in the neighbourhood, and there was only a handful of times when another car was pulled into his driveway.
Maybe he was lonely. You despised the way your brain worked, always conjuring up someone’s life story without even a hint of the person. Nevertheless, you found yourself in the kitchen, sifting flour into a sugary mix, moulding chocolate chips into the dough balls before placing them in the oven.
Your kitchen broiled with the smell of chocolate chip cookies, your fingers padding into the tops of them before letting them sit and harden. You would admit, you partook in several hobbies, baking and gardening being two of them. Though you didn’t need to be doing this, a part of you was aching to understand the man who has been living next door to you for over 2 years now.
Shaky hands guided you out the door as you contemplated knocking, pacing back and forth across the porch several times before you anxiously padded against the wood, straightening out your sundress with a plate of cookies in your other. Simon stayed seated for a moment, creeping towards the door almost silently before beady eyes looked through the peephole. The Lieutenant stilled, taking in your pretty figure and the baking in your other hand, the subtle display of your cleavage almost enticing him as he watched you bounce on your feet nervously, awaiting him.
He opened the door, a neutral expression on his face. “Hello!” You squeaked, “I was baking, and I just wanted to bring you some. We haven’t really met before, and I guess I wanted to be a friendly neighbour seeing as you’ve just gotten home from being away.” You rambled on a bit before shutting yourself up, holding the plate out.
Simon held his breath as you spoke, taking in the way your lashes fluttered every time you looked around in a fiddly manner. “Thanks.” His voice was gruff, his accent piercing through the deepness as he showed no sign of emotion in his expression.
“Well... I guess that’s it, enjoy the cookies,” you sighed, handing off the plate as you turned on your heels. Simon let out a deep breath before calling out to you.
“Do you want to come in and I don’t know, watch something? I was just watching the TV, and you went to the trouble of making these. The polite thing to do.”
You nodded, slowly, but let a big smile crack through your face as you quickly huddled inside his home. His house was a lot darker than yours, with neutral colours staining the furniture with minimalistic pieces of clutter. There was a stark difference between the two of you in general. You appeared full of colour and life whereas he was more reserved and mysterious.
You plonked yourself on his couch, grey leather rubbing against the back of your thighs as you adjusted the skirt of your dress. He placed the cookies on the coffee table in front of you both, the cushions sinking as he sat down, his large thighs spread as he turned on the television, his arm automatically slinging across the top of the sofa.
It was awkward. Neither of you spoke as he fiddled with the channels, landing on some old sitcom you had only seen when nothing else was on. Your nimble fingers reached for a cookie as you held your hand over you to make a makeshift plate. Simon’s dark eyes flickered towards you, watching the way your mouth moved, lips curling over the cookie before you sucked any crumbs up.
As time passed, you grew more comfortable, your legs plush against the seat as you rested against the armrest, laying your face on the palm of your hand as you occasionally laughed. Simon felt like a creep, focusing more on you than the TV show he chose. He noted all the small details in your face, every visible crease and line in your features, the way your cheeks puffed up slightly as you laughed and how your iris’ would dart across the screen when a new person appeared.
Greedy carob orbs sucked in the sight of your supple cleavage, the delicate bounce of your breasts as you adjusted yourself occasionally. His cock chubbed at the display of your skin, the hem of your dress riding up over the plushness of your thighs, as his tongue darted out to lick his dry lips.
He rubbed his hand over his mouth as he looked away from you, eyebrows furrowed at the perverted thoughts racking around his skull. He adjusted his pants subtly, letting out a near-silent groan at the thought of you bent over the couch, wanton holes on display as you wept into the leather, his hands cracking down on the fat of your ass as he left a stain of his large hand.
He imagined you on your knees in front of him, doe-eyes staring up at him with unshed tears as you spluttered around his girthy cock, taking him down your tight throat as you dribbled onto your bare breasts. But oh dear, his length practically aches as he imagined the sight of you bouncing on his lap, tight cunt filled with him as he forced you to focus on the dumb show, narrating what was happening as he kissed your sloppy cervix, staining your gummy walls with hot spurts of his cum.
He was almost sad when the show ended, your knees knocking together as you thanked him for inviting you in. He gave you a small smile, eyes creasing slightly as he nodded.
“Thank you for the cookies. If you need anything, let me know.”
You almost giggled in excitement as you rushed inside your own house. It became a routine now; one you didn’t even know he knew about. Desperate fingers clung to the lace of your panties, peeling them down your legs as you ground your sloppy pussy against your pillow, vibrator nestled into your hardened clit as you moaned out into the palm of your hands.
Your hands found your neglected chest, pulling the straps of your nightgown down as you tweaked at the puffy buds, swirling your digits around them as your eyes rolled back in sheer pleasure. Simon’s hand rutted to the frequency of your moans, slick balls aching for release as he waited for the higher-pitched squeal you let out while you orgasmed, yet it never came.
Instead, he was greeted with the sound of a more frightened squeal and frantic rustling. Your eyes were dead shut as you approached your high, opening to take in your blissful figure before they twitched towards the window, the sight of a man climbing over your fence sending chills through every nerve you had as you squealed, rolling onto the floor as you adjusted your nightgown.
Distressed hands reached for your phone, calling emergency services about an intruder before you did the most sensible thing you believed to be possible while you waited.
You frantically banged against Simon’s door.
756 notes · View notes
bluesidez · 6 months
Text
GymRat!Miguel Part 3
content warning: small food mentions, a little suggestive at parts so MINORS BEWARE, sexual tension?? 😗, insecure thoughts about a plus size body (may or may not be triggering for some), a few mean girls, college party, alcohol, drugs, mentions of throw up like once, a bad look for sororities (sorry, y'all are probably very wonderful people)
word count: 3.2k (NOT A DRABBLE WTF 😭) not proofread, if you see a mistake lmk
GymRat!Miguel's workout playlist is here! I had to stop myself from adding more songs because it’s already so long lol. I didn't even include any cool down songs.
Prev | Next ✩°。 ⋆⸜ 🎧✮ Masterlist
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GymRat!Miguel who wakes up without having to hobble to the bathroom for once. No morning wood because his dream of you was soft this time. You two were cuddled up on a couch with the world’s most fluffy blanket. He smiles to himself as he drags his feet to the bathroom. It was if dancing clouds and bubbles were floating around his head.
GymRat!Miguel who’s able to sit and chat with Ms. Beatrice longer today because his class doesn’t start until that after noon. He compliments her on the egg sandwich from the other day and she squeezes his cheeks when she thanks him as if he were a baby.
GymRat!Miguel who tinkers in the engineering building as he waits for lunch. He joined the small but mighty robotics team as soon as he found out there was one. There was a fighting robot division, and he needed to figure out the problems with his team’s robot sooner rather than later.
GymRat!Miguel who spots you at the student center having your lunch. He wastes no time to grab his food and book it to your table. He calls your name before he gets there, not wanting to startle you. You smile when you look up surprised to see him there.
"Can I join you?" he says, trying not to seem out of breath with how fast his heart is beating.
"Yeah," you say, arranging your things around. You push your computer to the side as he places his burito bowl on the table. "I'm finally getting to see you outside of lab."
In his mind, he takes a note of you being in the student center at this time. He wants to make eating with you a routine thing.
"What were you watching?" he asks, trying to curb the rush that your presence has on him. He opened up his bowl and started to mix his food, waiting patiently for your answer.
"This is a little embarrassing but," you pause to dump one of your nuggets in sauce. "I was watching someone explain the downfall of Chuck E. Cheese." Your voice gets softer as you finish your sentence, eyes avoiding his gaze.
You were so cute. And it's almost as if you've never met him, the ultimate nerd.
"Nothing wrong with wanting to know why more and more locations went from five animatronics to one. Or how they started to sell their pizzas under ghost kitchens," he says, taking a bite from his bowl.
You looked at him and your smile grew. Miguel could only think 'there she is. there's my girl.'
The two of you chatted about everything from malfunctioning Chuck E's to your classes to your food. Miguel was through the roof.
GymRat!Miguel who offers to carry your art portfolio case for you to the art building. Anything to extend your time together. Plus, why should you have to hold it when he's here? He holds the doors for you and presses the elevator buttons before you can even think to.
GymRat!Miguel who really loves when the elevator door closes and he can look down at as you talk away. Just for those few seconds, the outside world is quiet and it's just you two. In another world, he'd kiss you before the doors open. In another world, he'd tilt your head up and have you look at him when you speak, he wanted to read your eyes too.
You're staring at him expectantly, eyes reminding him of baby deers. He tilts his head at you, wondering why you're staring at him.
"Miguel the door is open. We have to leave before it closes," you say.
He's instantly broke back to reality.
"Right! Sorry," he says, heat rising on the back of his neck. He steps out and holds his hand in front of the opening so that the door doesn't close you.
"Thank you," you say, a giggle under your breath.
Miguel has done some pretty embarrassing things when it comes to you, but he didn't think it would bleed into when he was actually in front of you.
In this world, he needed to not give you the creeps. Get it together.
GymRat!Miguel who is ecstatic that you still want to come work out with him. You all plan to meet that Friday. You don't know what you want to work out, but you say you're excited. Miguel has tonight, Wednesday, and Thursday to plan the perfect workout for you.
Should he go buy a bottle so he can make you a smoothie? Or should he offer to buy you a smoothie afterwards? Do you even like smoothies? Maybe he should invite you to breakfast. Would you want to eat right after you worked out? You needed to eat to make sure you can speed up the healing process though....
GymRat!Miguel who waves you goodbye when it's almost time for your studio class to start, mind filled with so many questions.
Your friend turns to you immediately when Miguel is gone.
"And who was that?" she says, eyes shocked.
"He's a guy from my lab. His name is Miguel," you say, grinning in your hands. You felt like kicking your feet in the air, but alas, no time.
"He's super hot. Like, seriously," your friend says, moving her taboret next to her workspace. "I would hit it. Constantly."
"Please stop talking," you say, laughing along. "I'm not even sure if he goes for girls like me. I'd rather not get my hopes up." You wanted to keep yourself in reality and falling for Miguel might put you too close to the land of delusion. You figured that Miguel was just super nice, especially after you two worked so hard for that lab project.
Your friend stops and looks at you, she slams the liquin tin on the table and puts her hand on her hip.
"First of all, those "types of guys" love big girls, so don't give me that. Second of all, are you not seeing how he looks at you. He's giving you the biggest puppy dog eyes, like, ever." She picks the liquin tin back up and starts scooping aggressively at the sides. "You gotta be more confident! You're gorgeous, anyone with a functioning brain can see that."
You stand there stunned, shocked at your friend's outburst. "I am confident!" Partially true. "I just...don't want to be hurt."
"I understand that, but have you even asked if he likes you or not?"
You shake your head no.
"Exactly. The night is still young," your friend says, pointing her palette knife at you. "And if you don't go for it, I will."
"Oh my god, shut up," you say, throwing a crumbled shop towel at her. You still kept her words in the back of your mind, storing it for later.
GymRat!Miguel who paces in front of the campus gym, waiting for your arrival. He got up extra early and gave himself a pep talk in the mirror. It wasn't a date, per se, but he felt that it could lead to one if he played his cards right. He decided to just invite you out to eat, figuring you would bring your stickered-water bottle.
GymRat!Miguel who spots you before you even call his name. He waves, smile taking over his features. You wave back, and it isn't until you're ten steps away that he finally takes in your full outfit. Another two-piece that was going to be the death of him, the only thing was that this was in the flesh. He cursed under his breath before you got closer, brain short-circuiting at the fabric hugging your skin.
"Ready to go?" he asks, forcing himself to not look at your body and to look at your face.
"Yeah! I'm a little nervous but I'm ready to work," you say, following him to the door.
He opens the doors for you, "Nothing to be nervous about. You're in good hands."
He brings you to his locker so you can put your bag in there, not wanting anyone to snag your belongings.
You guys start at the track, walking a lap as a warm up. Usually Miguel would do a lap or two of jogging, and as much as he wanted to watch you bounce, especially on him, this was a beginner workout. He didn't want to scare you with how intense he can get. While walking, you guys chatted about little things. Miguel tells you how wasn't nearly this big four years ago, ensuring you that the path to get here can be hard. You tell him that you just want be healthy, not caring if you lost weight or gained muscle. Miguel was secretly happy to hear this because he liked your body the way it was, but he would roll with whatever you were feeling.
GymRat!Miguel who helps you stretch. You both sit on the floor and face each other with your feet touching. Miguel saw how much smaller your feet were compared to his and his heart fluttered. His mind was filled with a million voices rambling off new things about you.
"She's focusing so hard"
"How can a gym outfit be so hot"
"She's so close to me when we do this stretch"
"Her hands are so warm"
"Maybe I should have stretched her from behind too"
That last thought gets Miguel to move you guys to the next part of the routine. How is his head always in the gutter?
GymRat!Miguel who starts you off with dumbbells, giving you the 5 lb weights to start. He starts you off with a few shoulder and arm exercises, giving you tips and praise along the way. His touches linger on your arms as he corrects your form, watching your body intensely. His constant "good"s, "one more''s, and "uh huh"s hit you right in your core. You're thankful that you're out of breath and heated from the workout, otherwise you would have melted before him.
GymRat!Miguel who pulls out all of the stops, using the heavier weights for his sets. He screams on the inside when you cheer him on. You clap at the end of one of his harder sets, happy that he pushed himself. He bows in silly way, sweat dripping down his face and laughing at your actions.
GymRat!Miguel who spots you while you use a heavier weight to do squats. You wanted to go for the 15 lb weight even though it was your first time doing weighted squats. He didn't want you to fall over, so he stood behind you and held his hands in the air by your waist as you went down. He knew that he was supposed to be focused, but he couldn't help but to glance at your ass a few times. God.
GymRat!Miguel who ends off your workout with the bikes, you guys making it a small competition. He stands and cycles, watching as your jaw dropped. You started to stand but got a little scared and gave up quick. Miguel couldn't have that. He stopped moving and got up to be by your side.
"You got it! Don't be scared," he says, watching you work.
"I literally can't do that," you say, cycling a little faster.
"Sure you can! Try it, I'm right here," he says, encouraging you.
You fight your fear and stand up and cycle. "Oh my god," you say, breaths coming out hard.
"That's it, that's it," Miguel says, voice warm as he praises you. "You're doing so good. Keep going."
You push until you can't anymore, Miguel cheering at your side.
GymRat!Miguel who guides you to the showers after your workout. It sucks that he can't be in there with you. His imagination can only get him so far.
GymRat!Miguel who waits for you to come out of the bathroom, ready to ask you to go for smoothies and breakfast. He hopes you say yes.
GymRat!Miguel who is in awe again at how you look. How many two-piece sets did you have? How does he survive them every single time? He mutters up the courage to ask you if you wanted to go get smoothies, adding on that he would pay. You glow and say yes, stating that you love smoothies. He's soaring.
GymRat!Miguel who brings your food to the table, two wraps and two smoothies. A protein shake for him and a fruit smoothie for you.
"That was a really good workout today. You definitely put me to work," you say, unwrapping the straw to stab it through the top. You hum at the flavor as you take a sip.
"Good?" Miguel asks, and you nod your head with your thumb up. "I'm glad you liked the workout. I was excited to have a partner."
"A partner? Why didn't you invite us to join?"
You both look up to see a few girls standing by the checkout counter. Miguel notices them as the sorority girls from his literature class. They walk over to your table, eyes twinkling as they take in Miguel.
Miguel chuckles awkwardly, not knowing what to say. He didn't think he had to deal with them outside of class too.
One of the girls look at you and goes, "Oo are you a personal trainer?"
You're taken aback, eyes scanning between the girls. You're about to open your mouth to respond but Miguel gets to them first.
"No, we're workout partners," he says, snapping at the girl. "And we're kind of having a conversation right now so is there anything else that you guys want to say?"
The girl cowers a bit at Miguel's words, laughing as if he told a joke and twirling her hair. The leader of the pack turns to Miguel, "Sorry about that. We wanted to see if you could come to our party tomorrow night. It'll be super fun and we would love to see you there."
A party? Miguel hadn't gone to one since he moved on campus. He always wanted to experience a college one. He turned to you and saw that you just tapped at your phone, not looking to the girls.
"I'll go if I can bring her," Miguel says, tapping his foot against yours. You look up, shock in your eyes,
Some of the girls slump, and the leader tightens her smile, "Fine! That's cool. I'll send you the details later."
The girls walk off and you stare at them, eyes squinting.
"They're an interesting bunch aren't they?" you say, continuing to eat your wrap.
"Right?" Miguel says, turning back to you.
GymRat!Miguel who comes to your dorm, ready to walk you to the party. He knocks on your door, a little nervous. He had on a nice top, the top open a little bit and a thin chain around his neck. After a while, you opened the door and gobsmacked him again with your outfit.
"Wow," he says, standing in the door like an idiot.
"Is it bad?" you ask, body glowing.
"No, you look amazing," Miguel says. "Ready to go?" He holds his arm out, softly smiling at you.
You nod and intertwine your arm through his.
GymRat!Miguel who takes in the atmosphere, frat guys yelling by a pool table, a few girls dancing with red solo cups, some people making out on the couch.
For Miguel, it was a lot.
He turned to you, yelling to ask if you wanted a drink. You say yes and you both make your way to the kitchen.
There, you both are met with the sorority girls crowding the kitchen. Some of them are passing some pills around and others are chatting by the island. One of them looks up and sees you guys lingering by the entrance.
"Miguel! You made it! Come on have a drink," she pulls him closer in the room. "Want a xannie?"
"I'm good," he says, handing you a cup of Pink Whitney. You take a sip and turn your nose a little bit. You might have to suck it up to get through the night.
"I'm so glad you made it. I have something that I've been meaning to show you," she says, batting her eyes. She convinces him to follow her up the stairs.
Miguel yells over his shoulder that he'll be right back.
You stand in the kitchen, fingers tapping against your cup. You felt a little silly and out of place. You didn't know anyone else here and the people were cliquey.
You joined a few games of beer pong, trying to enjoy yourself, but you couldn't help but to think about Miguel.
You dance a little, joining some random girls in the middle of the room. The music is ok, but you were just trying to have a good time. After an hour or so, you get nervous. Miguel hasn't been back in a while.
You head back to the kitchen, thinking maybe he could be in there.
"If you're looking for Miguel, he's probably deep in a bed right now," one girl giggles as she comes up beside you, grabbing another drink.
"What?" you say, eyebrows furrowed.
"Yeah girl, why else would he be gone so long? I tried to go up there and the doors were locked. Just text him tomorrow."
Your hand grips your cup tighter, watching as the girl goes back into the thick of the crowd.
You decide to wait a little longer, scrolling on the same three apps back to back for another hour. You look at the time again and the 3 am stares back at you mockingly.
You figure that he's really not coming back down and open your Instagram to give him a text.
“Hey Miguel! I’m gonna go ahead and go back to my dorm. It's getting pretty late."
You walk back to your dorm, arms wrapped around yourself to brace from the cold.
GymRat!Miguel who finally makes it to a bathroom that's not occupied with some one hovering over the toilet. He feels out of it. Throwing back a few too many shots. He was trying to get back downstairs but there was always someone there to pull him back, offering something.
A shot? Sure.
A pill? No.
A game? Maybe.
The girl who brought him up there tried her best to get in his pants, but if he was being honest, he didn't even remember her name. Or any of the names of the girls that came in afterwards. He declined every one of them, just wanting to get some air.
He was able to check his phone.
3:35 am.
He sees your message and feels sick. He runs downstairs and out the door, the cool air sobering him up a bit.
"Fuck," he says hands to his head. He squats and texts you back.
"I am so sorry. I got caught up. Did you make it back safely?"
It was so late, there was no way you would respond. He fucked up.
He texted Gabriel, maybe his drunk mind pushing him to seek help from his little brother.
"So if I invite a girl to a party and leave her what are the chances that she will text me back? :((("
"Dude. It's almost 4am. And where is this so-called game that you have? Ik you're not asking me about anything"
"Gabri :(((("
"I'll be honest, she's probably blocking your number. IF she even has it lol"
Yeah. He fucked up.
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dividers by: @yeribbon 🩵
a/n: Miguel's gym playlist is such a jarring difference from my own gym playlist. 😭 I left you guys with an extra long addition today because I have soooo much hw that's piling up and it's tearing me apart.
As always, leave a like and reblog. Leave comments please. 🥺 I want to see your reactions! Let me know how you feel. 🩵
taglist: @ghost-lantern @miguelhugger2099 @slushycoookie @emelie-s-h @lake-lili @obsessed-with-miguels-ass @scaleniusrm @superiorspiderass @lexluvswriting @flordelalunas @froggygal @vmpz8sauceee @famouscattale @nixinluv02 @jada-of-arcadia @spideykid22 @what-the-jams @julia4today @tojishugetiddies @samjinxx @sleeklyalisha @the-pan-liquid @prongs-lover @kikaaauu @urlocallocachica @wanderlustingcastaway @peachey-pie @ch3rry-bl1ss @girl-of-multi-fandoms @love-kha1 @manlikemilesmyguy @sillysillygoofygoose @monticellohoe
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the-music-maniac · 8 months
Text
Not that I read mpreg all that often (not really my thing generally speaking) but I came across some "Sanji is pregnant" fics in the sanzo/zosan tag, and not nearly the same amount for Zoro. It got me thinking about the trope. I think the lack of Zoro fics here is a tragic oversight. I think we as a fandom are absolutely and tragically ignoring the potential comedy gold of Zoro being the one to be pregnant instead.
Because when people write Sanji, the general trend I'm seeing (upon scanning through some of the fics quickly) is that he's cautious about it. Conscientious, careful to make sure things are okay. Which - arguably I could see, Sanji is probably the more practical of the two (not by a whole lot but still)and he didn't have a good childhood. Sanji being pregnant is usually a fic about his heaps of parental issues, childhood trauma and angst - which is fun to read. It's good. It's amazing, even.
Zoro being pregnant is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT gonna be a COMEDY. We're talking about a man who once tried to fight Kuina holding like 20 bokkens. We're talking about a man who got stuck in wax and thought the reasonable solution was to cut off his legs.
The entire crew spends the next 9 months tearing their hair out, preventing Zoro from doing stupid shit (exhibit A: cutting off his own limbs). They spend the same amount of time trying to stop Luffy from gum-gum-grabbing Zoro and yeeting him anytime he needs to get them out of a sticky situation.
The crew (mostly Sanji) is on 24/7 prevent-zoro-from-drinking-alcohol duty (impossible). Chopper is constantly stressed in the later months cause no one puts it past Zoro to get lost somewhere, give birth out in the woods and come strolling back with a baby tucked under his arm. They have to start hiding Zoro's dumbbells.
Franky and Usopp design and build a nursery and spends the entire time suspiciously teary eyed. Sanji tries to pretend he's unaffected but spends an entire night creating a 9 month meal plan of all the nutrients Zoro and the baby are gonna need. Not even a day later, one of the crew finds him up at 2 am making a mountain of food because Zoro made the mistake of offhandedly mentioning he had particular pregnancy craving within earshot of Sanji. In the end Zoro has to sit on him to stop Sanji from running himself ragged.
Robin keeps spouting morbid childbirth facts and quotes from parental advice books in equal measure. Nami keeps going on shopping sprees for cute baby clothes and adding the cost of them to Zoro's debt. Brook keeps writing lullabies and trying to sing them to Zoro's stomach. Zoro 100% uses his pregnancy belly as an excuse to walk around without a shirt 24/7 without getting nagged.
Somehow word gets out that the famous pirate hunter Zoro is pregnant, and at the next big fight with the Marines, half the soldiers refuse to fight him and instead start telling him to sit down, take it easy, shouting advice at him etc. Etc. Zoro loses his shit a little bit and cuts their boat in half.
Mihawk, upon finding out, tells Zoro in no uncertain terms that that is his grandchild and he's expecting them to visit so he can meet the baby when they're born. Zoro vehemently denies that Mihawk is his father (he is). Zeff upon finding out, is almost as bad as Sanji when it comes to being a mother hen. Perona buys even more baby clothes for the baby. She buys one singular shirt for Zoro as a joke, and it coincidentally happens to be the exact same brand of "mama" crop top he was forced to wear in that one filler episode. Zoro tries to chuck it into the ocean (he fails).
I'm essentially saying it would be absolute chaos, and it would be the funniest thing I've ever read. 9 months of Marimo wrangling. Can you imagine the look on Zoro's face if one of the opponents he was fighting were to tell him that he's "glowing"?
PLEASE, I would actually wheeze myself to death. The best part is you can still have plenty of Sanji angst. He still has parental issues except now they're flavoured with "I'm not ready to be a father" and "I'm terrified I'm gonna become my biological sperm donor" and "please don't die because of childbirth complications, that happened to my mother(sort of, I know she died after but it kinda counts), and I can't handle that happening again to you". Lots of cute/tender moments of Zoro comforting and reassuring Sanji. We can even have Zoro angst. He probably views protecting his crew as the one and only job he's good for (not true but that's probably what he thinks). Not being able to fulfill that is probably not helping his self esteem, and that sense of uselessness warring with his need to protect the baby - but the contradictory thing here is that to protect the baby he HAS to sit back and let other people do that FOR him. That plus all the other restrictions, people treating him differently, but him at the same time refusing to view his own child as a weakness. Imagine the havoc that would wreak. Oh my god.
Y'all don't understand, I don't even read mpreg that often and yet this is literally my ideal fic HAHAAAAA
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letorip · 2 months
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Can you do headcanons about meeting/first date with Jenna’s characters?
meetings & first dates
very funny to think about, i really did have quite good fun writing this one. thank you as always to the anon who requested, i was happy to oblige. also this isn’t what i originally planned to put out but casual [iii] should be out soon so maybe this’ll fill the void. i'm also on holiday at the moment, so that's why i'm posting at a weird hour (5 am) my ass had a plane to catch
i think i cooked on the lorraine one, would y'all want that one too
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wednesday addams
you meet her in jericho, working behind the counter of the hardware store your parents own, when she stomps inside in her rain soaked boots and down a random aisle without a word at you
when she comes back with a shovel, some duct tape, a taser, and some rope, you have to awkwardly joke that it looks like she's trying to kill something
she doesn't laugh at your joke, instead staring right back at you, and you feel yourself gulp
that's your first interaction, and you don't see her again for a few days, until she comes back to buy a box of nails, and then a week later, a bucket, and a few days after that, a plunger
you won't know it until later, but she didn't actually need the nails or the bucket, she just needed an excuse to go back to the hardware store and buy some stuff so she could get up close to you
after four or five trips of her buying the most odd, random shit, she works up the courage to actually start talking to you a bit more. after a few more trips after that, you ask her what the stuff is all for, and she lets you in on the creature in the woods killing the locals, and that she claims to have seen it
for what it's worth, you believe her immediately, about rowan and the hyde and crackstone, and you listen to her theorise, leaning on the counter until someone else comes in and asks you where the plywood is, and you have to actually go do your job. wednesday stares down the intruder, trying to smite them with her eyes, but you always give her an apologetic smile before you leave
she tells you later when you're better friends and she's confessing, but she thinks of you as an odd comfort and home that she never realised she desired, and being in the hardware store and having you smile at her gave her a single fluttering of that warmth
eventually she brings you on her investigations and her cold, dead heart is running a million miles an hour the entire time, but you have to hide how close you are to wednesday from your father, because of his passionate dislike of outcasts
wednesday comes to your back window and chucks rocks at the glass to get your attention, romeo and juliet style, so that you can sneak out
when you actually ask her out, it's before you've even kissed, and wednesday wordlessly nods yes with her mouth hanging open, before she grabs the collar of your jacket and messily kisses you for the first time
your first date is to a movie, and to a horror movie, to be more specific. you take her to get food at a local diner that's open 24 hours, super late at night, and though she makes a remark about how these restaurants were unhealthy and an indicator of what's wrong with america, she thoroughly enjoys her waffle and you even manage to get her to wear one of those silly diner hates for a moment. she doesn't admit it, but she likes making you laugh
the movie is an incredibly rough experience. you despise horror movies, but wednesday is left smiling at the screen as a man is ripped to shreds in front of your eyes
that is until she realises your discomfort, and she realises you only did this because you knew she would like it. the realisation literally blows her mind, and she watches your face contort in disgust and fear, before gently reaching over and hastily grabbing your hand
she doesn't say another word, struggling to process the new emotions until you're both done with the movie and walking home. you're ranting about how gross it was and how you would be having nightmares for weeks because of it, and then she reaches up to the back of your neck and pulls you down into another fiery kiss, right as it starts to rain
tara carpenter
you've known tara for years, since you're also from woodsboro. you went to the same elementary school and she’s known of you for a long, long time since you chased her around the playground with a lizard in your hands
tara's always liked you, and you've both always had some attraction to each other and magical chemistry, but there's always been something to keep you apart
tara's involvement with amber and then chad, and then your own girlfriends, it was never the right time for you both to explore whatever electricity you could feel between you, so you didn't until you were both well into your year at blackmore
you only really get close until you take the same film class as tara. tara takes it because she's a film major and you take it because you need the credit and it's the only option of a class that takes place after 8 in the morning
you sit right next to each other and for the whole semester, you two slowly grow closer and closer, poking each other and whispering stuff while the professor prattles on
she's the de facto film buff of the group, only rivalled by mindy, and so you go to her whenever you're working on a project, because you're definitely the type to watch stupid shit, and not the high-brow film stuff the class requires
it means you end up hanging out a lot, at the library, at the coffee shop, on the couch of her apartment. you both set up the '1 for 1' rule, in which she gets to show you a movie for ever movie you get to show her
and she shows you really annoyingly good stuff, while you make her watch utter garbage. neither of you admit it, but you end up liking some of the high-brow art she pushes and she ends up having fun with the stupid movies you show her
when she makes you watch the babadook, you make her watch hot tub time machine, when she makes you watch citizen kane, you make her watch bridesmaids, and when she makes you watch la la land, you make her watch zoolander. it's a mutual exchange of interests, and you both lean against each other when you watch them on the couch or on her bed
paddington absolutely makes tara carpenter cry, there, i said it, and you show it to her and hug her when she does
things are genuinely just so easy and perfect with you, and it's so natural in a way that is unnatural for tara, but in a good way. you're unlike anyone she's ever been with, and it's refreshing and new in a way that's so exciting when you both kiss during the movie before sunrise
that's why it's so funny when your first date goes absolutely awfully
it rains on you, while you both walk to the restaurant and neither of you brought an umbrella because it wasn't projected to rain. then the sushi place you're bringing her to completely forgets your reservation and you're both waiting 30 minutes to get a table, and to top matters off, you end up being allergic to a fish you try for the first time, and need to get taken in hospital
you're not even choking really, just broken out into hives and feeling lightheaded, and tara's in the ambulance with you on the way there, and you're both talking casually, like "how was your day?"
you both get there and realise tara forgot her phone at the restaurant, and whereas anyone else would be pissed and call it a terrible date and give up, you both are fucking laughing your heads off at how cartoonishly awful the date went, even though it's a hospital, and that probably isn't the right place to be laughing in
when you're released super late that night, you both end up just wandering around new york until the late hours of the morning, just talking and occasionally holding hands. tara mentions that it reminds her of la la land, and you kiss, and what would've been a deal-breaking, awful date for anyone else just becomes something you shared with each other, and brings you even more in love
reminds me of the song ant pile by dominic fike
lorraine day
you meet lorraine as the kid of the new corn farmer in town, after your grandfather gets too old to be able to maintain his land by himself. your father has to come back and take over, due to his declining health, and you first see each other when lorraine and her daddy come to say hello and talk business for cow feed
she spots you in the back, leaning on the fence next to the field with your arms crossed and your hat pulled low, and you're just watching her and her dad talking to yours with a frown
she's set on edge by your presence, even though you're not really part of the conversation. she has to stop herself when she realises she keeps looking over at you every couple seconds, and you're still just staring at her and her father in a way that isn't exactly friendly
your dad is a generally nice guy, and he gives her your name in a passing mention and graciously accepts the pie lorraine's momma made to bring to the new partners, but it overall isn't a great first impression, and she decides right there in her daddy's truck on the ride home that she doesn't like you very much
when you're brought up again, it's by her father a week or so later. he's mentioning how helpful you are around your grandfather's farm over dinner, saying how your grandfather is blessed to have someone so good-hearted, and lorraine can’t help but remember the look of you glowering against the fence at them and doubt how true that is
she still doesn't like you, when you actually talk for the first time. RJ is bringing her home after an incredibly awkward date and gets a flat, and just as it starts to rain, guess who spots her and decides to pull over in their rusty ass pickup truck with a weird look on your face that lorraine can't help but assume is smugness
your truck bed is full of tools and supplies for your grandfather's farm and you haven't got a spare on you, but you know there's one in the shed on your farm. there's only one seat open in your truck, and even though lorraine heavily hints to RJ that she doesn't want to go, she's volunteered, as RJ doesn't want to leave his van on the side of the road, even though there's not many people who would touch the piece of junk
you snort when he insinuates that lorraine wouldn't be strong enough to fend off anyone who would take the van, and even though she's equally as miffed by RJ's assumption she's a bit annoyed by you defending her
the ride home is incredibly tense and neither of you say much until you're pulling into your yard and you say, "for the record, i highly doubt he'll be fending anyone off either." it's funny and it almost makes her laugh until she remembers she decided she didn't like you and she has to get serious again, and tells you not to talk about her boyfriend that way, and you don't say anything for the rest of the time you're helping her
she sits in the truck watching you from the wing mirror as you roll the spare out from your shed and then hoist it into the truck bed, looking sweaty and muscles tensing with effort. even though you're kind of annoying, you're tanned and you're fit, and it's something she can't help but notice whenever she goes to your farm in search of her father, who sometimes comes over to buy corn for his cattle
you both naturally start to grow into something resembling a friendship. you'll shoot the shit when you're not working, leaning on the handle of a shovel half in the ground, and lorraine will walk over and just kind of talk to you for a while. she doesn't even really realise the annoyance has melted away until it smacks her in the face that she was really wrong about you
your first date isn't actually a date until it's over. lorraine is at a lake day with her friends when one shows up with you in tow. she didn't even realise you had friends, but you're there with them and you look damn good in your swim suit, and you actually start talking a little bit about leaving the big city for your grandfather
you're all having fun, swimming around and talking, and she sees you're pretty funny when you want to be. it's kind of jarring to see just how wrong she was about you, and you both end up dancing around to your friend playing guitar and singing along
you end up being her ride home, and though there's still an underlying tension in the air, this time your truck is full of laughter and you're both actually talking. about halfway through, you accidentally let it slip that you asked your friend if lorraine was going to be there, and though the tips of your ears are red and you're apologising, lorraine can't help but reach right over and kiss you, and suddenly everything feels right in the world
cairo sweet
you meet her on the first day of creative writing, as the new student at your school, and mr. miller's seating chart places you directly next to her. she stares at you a bit, as if unimpressed by your existence, and you stare right back at her, equally as unimpressed
though you're new, you quickly skyrocket to incredible academic success, and cairo is enraged to find that with the transfer of credits, you're now really the valedictorian, sweeping it from underneath her feet at the very end of her senior year
with that, she absolutely despises you and everything you stand for
you have to trade papers for peer grading and while you calmly grade it at first, when you see that yours is covered in marks and cairo is being absolutely brutal beyond belief, nitpicking every little punctuation mark and symbol she can, you get a bit annoyed and start doing the exact same thing to her
it's a giant game of one-upping the other, and you guys repeatedly mess with each other like a chess match of fucking each other over. neither of you will admit you find the other annoyingly magnetic and captivating, you instead resort to messing with each other's standings
you both are duking it out over each little test grade, as cairo desperately tries to regain her spot at number one and you attempt to fend her off and keep your place. she'll brag about her perfect score on the calculus exam, and then you'll clap back with your extra credit. you absolutely dominate her in maths and sciences but she has you beat in creative writing and histories
winnie is greatly amused by the whole ordeal, and keeps insisting to cairo that you both should get it over with and fuck already but she scoffs and claims to resent the implication. doesn't mean she hasn't thought about it, though
her involvement with mr. miller is something she's only doing to maintain her spot as mr. miller's favourite student. cairo has the writing skill to back it up and is incredibly gifted with the pen, but you ooze a certain charisma that makes the teachers around you all giant fans, and she would be lying if she didn't say she was worried you would pull mr. miller's recommendation letter with it, and steal it right out from under her. it's entirely possible for a teacher to write more than one recommendation letter, she just wants the satisfaction of being the first one to get it
when you're partnered up on a group writing project that needs to be done in pairs, cairo sees it as the perfect opportunity to gather intel on you. another thing she hates is how mysterious you are, and how not many people actually know that much about you, other than how pleasant you are
she insists it has to happen at your house, and though you try to argue, she insists it has to be the case. it surprises her, when she puts your address into her phone and she sees it's a small one bedroom apartment in a bad part of town, without air conditioning and with terrible plumbing, and that your father works three jobs to support you
she doesn't know what she expected, but that's definitely not it, with your ability to dress and intelligence. suddenly her arch nemesis gains a third dimension, and she understands just how hard you work
though you're guarded at first, you both actually slowly discover that you don't exactly mind the other that much. you still want to keep your spot and she desperately wants it for her own, but you say something silly and it makes her laugh- really laugh- for what feels like the first time in a long time
you work together on the project more and more, and suddenly she's enjoying your company and wanting you around. she's definitely a little bit disgusted by that at first, but it's something she can't deny
she asks you on your first date to a poetry reading on a saturday, and you're a bit confused since the group project is already over, but you decide to go anyways and you have a great time. you say something profound after one of the poems, and cairo's eyes just drop to your lips in a weird amazement
she's dragging you to the bathroom immediately before the next poem can even start, and i don't think i have to say what happens next, but it's messy and there's lipstick everywhere
your father snorts when you get home that night, and there's dark red lipstick smudged all over your lips and a bit down your neck, and you roll your eyes at him with a smile
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shadowdaddies · 9 months
Note
Hi
Read two emotionally damaging and frustrating fics abt my fave bat boys and need a pick me up
Just like reader x rhys x azriel and some fluff and smut and whatever else you wanna do
Thanks 🫶
hey love💜 I needed a pick me up today too, this was therapeutic for me so I hope you enjoy too
Love Intertwined
poly! Azriel x Rhys x Reader
Warnings: smut below the cut, self-indulgent praise kink, oral f!receiving, oral m!receiving, p in sex, minors dni
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Stumbling through the front door, you chucked your shoes to the corner with a thud. Tears threatened to fall, a shaky breath leaving your lips as you closed the door behind you, forehead leaning against the wood while you struggled to calm yourself.
It had been one of those days where it seemed that everything that could go wrong, did. All you wanted in this moment was a break, some time with your mates. With a deep sigh, you wiped the corners of your eyes and moved into your home in search of Rhys and Azriel.
The house was completely quiet, faelights dim as you peered around corner after corner. “Az? Rhys?” you called out, unease creeping through your bones as your calls went unanswered. Just as you were about to give up and tromp up to your bed, a shadow whipped out from under the kitchen door. 
The wisp of darkness oscillated enthusiastically in front of you before twirling in your hair, the feeling tickling the back of your neck causing you to giggle. You watched the shadow pause in front of you once more before flying back under the door, a silent request for you to follow.
Cracking open the door to the kitchen, a pleasantly familiar aroma flooded your senses. Your heart tumbled in your chest as you looked up to see Rhys pulling plates and cutlery as Azriel pulled a dish from the oven. The shadow from a moment ago curled around Azriel’s ear, the shadowsinger’s head whipping in your direction in surprise. 
Sensing the change in the energy of the room, Rhys lifted his own head, briefly glancing at Azriel before following his gaze to you. Violet eyes drank in your appearance, a playful smile pulling at Rhys’s lips as he set down the plates and moved towards you.
Warm hands found your waist, Rhys leaning down to kiss you in greeting. “We were hoping to surprise you,” he murmured, nosing at your neck as he breathed in your scent. 
Already distracted from your previous thoughts, you managed to refocus your vision to see Rhys and Azriel both smirking at you in amusement. “I... I am surprised,” you breathed, eyes flicking to your favorite meal displayed out on the counter. With a hum and a kiss to your neck, Rhys moved away from you to take over plating the dishes. 
Azriel let him, taking the opportunity to greet you himself as scarred hands slid up your waist, massaging the skin below your breasts. Shadows twined in your hair, tilting your head how Azriel liked as he leaned in to kiss you with fervor, tongue sliding between your lips as you gasped into his mouth.
Heady with desire, you barely heard Rhys clearing his throat before Azriel pulled away, tongue flicking the roof of your mouth as he did so. “Let’s eat dinner, my love,” Az murmured, taking your hand as he led you towards the table. 
Rhys pulled out your chair, seating you between himself and Azriel as Az set your plate and wine in front of you. “Thank you both. You don’t know how much I needed this today,” you whispered, emotions flooding you as you took each of their hands in yours. 
Azriel rubbed a thumb along the back of the hand he held as Rhys lifted the other to his lips. “We know, darling. We felt through the bond what a difficult day it was for you, so we have dinner... and more planned for afterwards,” he purred, playfully nipping at your knuckles before setting your hand down. 
You enjoyed the rest of your dinner, savoring the quiet chit-chat and gentle touches with your loves. As dinner ended, you moved to clear the dishes when a wisp of black wrapped around your hand. Azriel slipped his hand under yours, taking the plates and standing up. Rhys pulled your chair out, his broad arms wrapping around your waist and legs as he picked you up bridal style.
With a giggle, you attempted a weak protest that your mate quelled with one look, violet eyes already dark with desire. You swallowed, your own arousal building as Rhys carried you away from Azriel, who was still scrubbing away at the dishes.
“He’ll join us shortly,” Rhys promised, pressing a kiss to your hair as he carried you upstairs to your bedroom. With a flourish of his hand, the door opened to reveal candles and flower petals scattered throughout the space, your favorite music playing softly from a symphonia in the corner. 
Rhys set you down gently on the bed, keeping a hand on your chest in silent request to stay still before he moved to the nightstand. Noticing a bottle of your lavender oil on the table, you arched a questioning brow at Rhys, who - with a dark chuckle and another flourish of his hand - vanished the clothes from your body. 
You gasped at the cold air as you were exposed to the room. The sound of the door clicking open pulled you from the moment as you watched Azriel prowl into the room, a predatory gaze raking over your naked form as he shut the door behind him. 
Azriel’s gaze flicked to Rhys, displeasure shining in his eyes as the shadowsinger took in the High Lord’s fully clothed form. “Strip,” he ordered, already unbuttoning his own shirt. The scent of arousal grew heavy in the room, both Rhys’s and your eyes darkening as you took in Azriel’s bare chest. 
Rhys hurriedly pulled off the rest of his clothes, awaiting further instruction from Azriel as the spymaster finished undressing. You were struggling to stay still on the mattress, subtly rubbing your legs together as Az gave you a knowing smirk. 
With a jerk of his chin, Azriel ordered Rhysand to the bed. “Sit behind her, her head on your stomach.” The both of you eagerly obeyed, getting into position as Azriel took the oil from the nightstand. “Hand,” he murmured to Rhys, the High Lord, quickly holding out an open palm for Azriel to pour the scented oil onto it. 
Azriel poured more oil on his own hands, rubbing them together to warm the liquid as Rhysand did the same. They must have had a plan, because at Azriel’s subtle nod, they moved their hands to begin massaging you. Azriel started at your feet, working his way up your calves and thighs, while Rhys started with your neck and shoulders, working the tension from your arms and upper body.
Your breathing grew heavy as Rhys’s hands moved to your breasts, Azriel’s simultaneously working up your inner thighs. Your tongue darted out to lick your lips, a soft moan escaping as Rhys toyed with your sensitive nipples, rubbing circles and tugging. 
Azriel pushed your legs apart, groaning at the sight of your soaked pussy as he pinned your hips to the mattress. Your back arched as he licked a stripe up your core, Rhys pinching your nipples in warning. You settled back into the mattress with a huff, both males chuckling at your impatience.
Without warning, Azriel dove in, his tongue thrusting into your core, nose bumping your clit as he worked you expertly. Rhys’s hands roved your body, fingertips gently grazing sensitive areas as Azriel moved to suck your clit. As Azriel flicked his tongue one last time, your high crashed into you, stars flecking your eyesight as you panted, head lolling back against Rhys. 
You moved to sit up, but Rhys’s hands pushed you down against his lap as he and Azriel leaned towards each other. Azriel gripped Rhys’s hair, fingers threading through onyx locks as he kissed him with the same demand he had with you earlier. Rhys whimpered into the kiss, the sound making you feel weak.
The males pulled apart slightly, Rhys’s tongue flicking out to lick the remainder of your juices from Azriel’s chin. “Fuck, darling. You always taste incredible,” Rhys praised, looking down at you with a feline grin.
Azriel’s hands gripped your hips, hazel eyes alight as he watched your expression. “Would you like to taste Rhys now?” he cooed at you, a low groan escaping both of them as you nodded eagerly.
With no effort, Azriel flipped you over by your hips so that you were hovering over Rhys now, your ass in the air with Azriel kneeling behind you. Rhys shifted up onto his knees, Azriel’s hand at your back pushing you down towards your mate’s hard cock. 
Scarred hands kneaded your ass, a light smack landing on the skin wringing a desperate mewl from you. “Can you be a good girl and take both of us?” Azriel murmured, a teasing finger sliding through your slit. 
A pathetic moan left your lips as you nodded, struggling for words as your mouth watered at the sight of Rhys’s cock in front of you. “Yes, yes I can. I’ll be good,” you promised, looking to Rhys with doe eyes. 
With a growl, one of Rhys’s hands gripped your chin, the other pumping his length as he brought it to your lips. You licked his slit, savoring the salty flavor of him before wrapping your mouth around the tip and sucking softly. 
“Don’t tease,” Rhys ground out, his hands moving to thread through your hair. Without warning, you took him completely, bobbing rapidly up and down his length. “Fuck,” Rhys moaned loudly. “Good girl, just like that,” he praised through his own breathy moans.
You felt the head of Azriel’s cock sliding through your folds, his fingers gathering the wetness to spread over his length. Voice muffled by Rhys’s cock, you whined and wiggled your hips in an attempt to beg Azriel for more.
“Aw, there is our sweet girl,” Azriel cooed, landing another smack to your ass as he thrust fully inside of you. You screamed around Rhys’s length, the vibration causing him to buck his hips against you.
Eyes watering as you gagged around his cock, you allowed Azriel’s relentless pace against your pussy to drive your own around Rhys. 
“Fuck, I’m close, Az,” Rhys murmured, his hands fumbling in attempt to slow your pace on his length. Azriel refused to let up, hitting you deep as you clawed at Rhys’s thighs. Familiar talons scraped against your mental walls, asking permission for you to let Rhys into your mind.
Numbly, you lowered them, and your orgasm hit you instantly at the sight Rhys showed you - scratch marks from your nails as you drooled around his cock, Azriel’s sweat-slicked hair, abdominals flexing as he pounded into you. 
With a scream, your pussy clenched around Azriel as the three of you came simultaneously, Rhys’s release filling your mouth as Azriel’s filled your pussy. Swallowing, you licked up the bit of Rhys’s cum that had spilled from your lips as you collapsed against his chest.
Azriel gently pulled out of you, climbing off the bed for a moment before he returned with a damp cloth, cleaning you up and pressing a kiss to your temple. You heard the sound of running water from the bathroom, knowing Azriel must be starting a bath for you. 
Rhys’s arms wrapped gently around you, your mate picking you up gently as he carried you to the bathroom. “Relax, darling. We’ll take care of you,” he murmured, joining Azriel in the bath as the two of them helped wash your hair. 
By the time you finished in the bath, you were half-asleep, vaguely aware of Azriel wrapping you in a soft towel as he carried you to bed, where you slept peacefully in between your two mates.
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mediumgayitalian · 7 months
Text
“Hey. You.”
The most beat up pair of purple Chucks he’s ever seen enter his line of sight. Following them up the person they are attached to, he squints, trying to make out a face in the backdrop of the bright midday sun.
“What,” Nico says flatly.
Kayla is unbothered by his attitude. “I need your help.”
Now that is a sentence Nico does not often hear. He waits for a following because someone has died and I need you to handle it, or perhaps a more interesting because there is a ghost terrorizing camp that you need to take care of, but no explanation is forthcoming.
“Because…?” Nico prompts, eyebrows raising. Kayla huffs.
“My dumbass older brother has been working for seventy straight hours. Every time we try to drag him out he just — I dunno, talks around it. He’s fast and disorienting and none of us have managed, but if he doesn’t sleep soon he’s going to collapse. Again.”
Nico blinks. He’d wondered why he’d been having so much peace over the last couple days — there has not been, in hindsight, even one knock on his door at an obnoxious hour, nor has he been bagged about missing breakfast or lunch or dessert or whatever else. He has, for the most part, woken up well past noon and spent his time wandering the woods.
…Huh.
No wonder he’s been so bored.
“Don’t know how I’m supposed to help you with that,” he says shortly. “Knock him unconscious and drag his body back to bed.”
Kayla shakes her head. “Tried that. He has a very thick skull. Just made him mad.”
Nico was kidding, mostly, but the idea of Kayla tiptoeing behind a distracted Will and walloping him upside the head in the name of sisterly love makes him smile despite himself. Just as quickly, he twists it into a scowl, because he does not like the teasing expression that has wormed itself across the daughter of Apollo’s face.
“Well, then, pray, I guess.”
“Just talk to him,” she says, exasperated. “He listens to you.” She turns and strides off before Nico can say no, actually, Solace is a stubborn pain in the ass who delights particularly in ignoring everything I say, not sure where you got that from. And somehow, Nico feels like this is not something that’s just going to go away.
He groans, and curses at the heavens, and stomps towards the infirmary.
———
The infirmary is, when Nico walks in, surprisingly crowded.
It’s never really empty, not at camp, but it’d been a lot quieter the last time Nico had been dragged in (he got a papercut. Well, a sword gash to the artery, but nothing a square of ambrosia couldn’t fix, and definitely nothing worth a forty-straight-minute lecture from Will, that was for certain). Then, maybe a third of the cots had been occupied, and most patients where lucid enough to be complaining. Medics were either actively arguing with difficult campers, or chatting amongst themselves.
Now, not a single cot is free. The infirmary swells with pained groans and sounds of retching. Medics and medics-in-training rush from bed to bed; none of them as hurriedly as Will Solace, who might as well be a blur of movement.
“Woah,” Nico says, darting his arms out to catch the aforementioned blur of movement as he rapidly approaches the ground, having tripped on a supply cart. “Slow down, Solace, or you’re gonna end up on a cot.”
“Sounds good,” he mumbles. His eyes are bloodshot. “Gimme ten, and I’ll come check you out, okay? Unless you’re dying. Are you dying?” He frowns, concentrating. A familiar glow comes from his hands, but it’s — weak, almost. More of a flicker than anything. “No, you’re not dying. Good. Be back soon.”
Despite his parting words, he doesn’t move.
“Did my legs stop working?” he wonders, and promptly goes fully limp. Nico yelps, scrambling to keep from dropping him.
“Um, help?” he yells. “Medic down?”
“Cot!” someone yells back. “Be there soon-ish!”
Nico glances side to side, but, as he expected, everything is occupied, and every medic is busy. Several people, he is now noticing, are covered in the same, pulsating red welts, clutching bowls and buckets to their chests, faces green with nausea. Some kind of outbreak. Austin, Will’s brother, is sprinting from bed to bed, checking fevers, firing off hymns. Kayla ducks in from the back doors, throwing on a scrub shirt, and rushes to help. A few other people Nico recognises as regular volunteers are doing what they can to keep people upright and as comfortable as possible, until one of the healers can get to them.
Will is still unconscious.
Nico ducks into the nearest shadow, and disappears.
———
part two
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boobav · 2 years
Text
Medical Attention
Cole Cassidy x Reader
a/n: why are there so many bj fics and never handjob ones I think we need to start addressing this in the fanfic community...
content: smut (handjob), a bit of blood, un-established relationship, afab!reader
word count: 3.5k
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Bullets spewed from what appeared to be the cliffs themselves, pinging off metal and digging into wood all around your crumpled form; you twitched at every impact, at every sound, and instinctually budged up closer to the man taking cover beside you. Your thoughts were racing at useless speeds- how had you not noticed your attackers sooner? How had someone like you ended up in such a tight situation? It really was a sucker-punch to the ego your career had carefully cultivated up until now. Another bullet smacked into the metal behind your ear and sent it ringing painfully- but you had to think of something unless you felt like fucking dying- which, unsurprisingly, wasn't on the agenda. Your eyes skimmed back over the area as if they hadn't done so a million times, squinting through the riled-up dust and reflections of sunlight. Dilapidated buildings were spotted about the area, 24/7 neon signs dead in the daylight, but no, none of this scenery struck a cord with the escapist spirit in you.
You spoke, words spilling out as liquid, "How the hell are we getting out of this Cass?" His sharp eyes darted to yours, shadowed by the cowboy hat that had to be replaced bi-weekly due to bullet holes. A cigar was notably absent from his parted lips, typical behaviour when he was, for once, taking a situation seriously.
"We're gonna make for that buildin' sugar, after I chuck this," He raised a blue flashbang to your vision as another flurry of bullets ricocheted off your flimsy cover, "Lady's parked up ahead, we can make it, I bet."
You would've scoffed if the situation was anything but this, "Your bike?"
"Uh-huh. You ready?" Your eyes ran to the weighty shift in his hips, and you nodded an affirmative. Whether this was gonna work or not it was the best bet you had, really. Cassidy's sweat-lines brows furrowed deeper, and without another ounce of hesitation he tore the grenade's pin off with his teeth, proceeding then to lob it backwards. Someone shouted, a sound so shrill it almost sounded like a fire alarm, and as the crackling-sound erupted, Cass grabbed your wrist and forced you into a wild sprint across the gravel road. Your boots kicked up dirt as they pounded against the ground, dry air forcing that grime to cling to your clothing in moss-like clumps. Cass didn't break his grip once, forcing you to adopt his relentless pace, and right as you reached your destination, he, with a messy harshness, threw you into the open doorway before himself. A single bullet shot into the open air, whistling like a stock-sound effect, and it forced from your partner a strangled cry as he dove through the doorway. Poisonous panic filled your veins- but it was swiftly knocked out by the cowboy landing unceremoniously on top of you. Every ounce of air was expelled from your lungs in an instant, and your lungs worked overtime to gulp back replacements. Note to self: never, ever expect grace in this job.
"You get hit?" You spoke in an exhale, hands tugging at Cass' belt to drag him and yourself deeper into the wooden building.
"Sure as hell feels like it," He grunted, rolling off you to lean against the wall and examine his left leg; you scrambled up too, wary of the time limitations, and ripped off a strip of your relatively-clean undershirt. Cole's eyes were watching you with an acute intensity, but you were so focused on wrapping his leg that you didn't even notice.
You pulled the shirt-made-bandage into a knot, "No it just skimmed you, lucky since I haven't a clue how to drive a motorbike. Come on cowboy." Upon standing, you tugged Cass up too; in any other moment you would've made fun of the uncharacteristically pathetic whimper that left his throat, but seeing as he'd been shot, you shut up. "You can walk?"
"'Course I can." His gaze met yours as you stood face-to-face, "Whilst it's numb anyway. Come on,"
He lead you out the rustic building's side-entrance, and whilst the wind whipped up the empty town's street, the two of you snuck from house to house until reaching one painted in peeling white. The town itself seemed utterly deserted, a sad old mess really, but it had its charms. That flickering café sign, for example, had a strangely comforting aura about it... Though it was rather hard to enjoy whilst being pursued by a group of bandits. You pressed inside the white building- but Cass grabbed hold of your wrist and held a finger to his lips. There was someone outside, moving as quietly as you, so apparently your pursuers had split up to quicken their search. A smart move. Usually.
You moved on, one tentative foot in front of the other, and when the footsteps outside made it clear that their owner was about to breach the building, you pressed yourself smoothly besides the door, silent, ready. The stranger's cowboy hat poked in first, and with a satisfying 'smack' a moment later, you pistol whipped him into oblivion. Oblivion meaning sleep, of course.
Cassidy flashed you a slightly alarmed smile, "You sure you didn't kill him with that swing?"
"Mm, I'm sure. Maybe next time." He tilted his head in a sort of... Apprehensive approval and pushed you through the door by the small of your back, ushering you along.
"Alright, let's pick up the pace. Not long now." His southern drawl did nothing to add to the urgency, in fact, it did the exact opposite, which tended to be the case so often it had to be purposeful. Sometimes you really did question his attitude to life. It was distinctly casual, distinctly nonchalant as if his life wasn't in danger every week- which it most definitely was. Still... He was skilled, smart in his own way, cute too, if you dared say it. So sticking alongside him wasn't too difficult a task.
The rest of the short journey went quickly and smoothly; the midday sun beat down upon your sweating back whilst objects wavered uncertainly in the distance, but, despite the difficulty scorching heat brought with it, you kept moving. Soon enough you made it to Cassidy's horrendously parked motorbike, wincing as he tested his damaged leg. The dusty cliffs stared down at the two of you, looming but providing little shade, and as the bike spun into motion a figure emerged on a nearby clifftop; your eyes narrowed, your breath stilled, and in a split-second you drew your gun and fired once. The enemy's own bullet skid past your face, bristling past a strand of hair, and they went down with a distant thud as your shot connected with their leg. Your exhale was long as you pressed your head against Cass' back, arms wrapping together around his torso. Safety, you hoped, would come without further fire. Well at any rate, you were much too tired and lazy to pick your gun from its holster again, so maybe you'd be swerving around dodging bullets for the next hour.
"Glad we're on the same side, pumpkin." Cass chuckled, metal arm patting your thigh in congrats, but, despite your laugh, your eyes were trained solely on the dark stain spreading methodically, thread by thread, over your companion's dark jeans.
-
The ride to the safehouse was calm, breezy even. The wind rushed through your hair, cooling you considerably, a gracious gift in this sweltering heat. Buildings and homes rushed by, each soon becoming a small dot in the background of your picturesque ride. The world and its inhabitants appeared fleetingly, mirages of another life, and you were far more content than you'd like to admit. Freedom encased you, lifted you into higher spirits, and with Cassidy mumbling stupid little stories to the air, this feeling was greatly accentuated. Heaven, in this moment, was completely real to you. Your partner shifted his leg, causing a hitch in his breathing; you looked down through your lashes, cringing against his shoulder as you stared at the drying blood stain. That, perhaps, was not so heavenly.
Luckily, the dusty safehouse was right around the bend. Cass parked outside in his usual sloppy manner, and with his metal arm slung over your sore shoulder, the two of you stumbled inside.
"Alright, sit-" You grunted in exertion, "Right there. I'll grab the medkit." Cassidy collapsed onto the couch, head thrown back in the throes of post-adrenaline-realization. You dashed off, returning near instantaneously, ruby med-kit in hand, and proceeded to settle onto the floor to be in-line with his wound. There was no time to waste, seeing as if this thing got infected it would become a much larger issue. Cass stared down at you through his lashes, watched as you carefully pulled off his armour plating, carefully rolled up his jeans. He hissed through clenched teeth as the reddened edge of the cut hit fresh air.
"Slow down sweet- shit stings more than I thought it would." You obliged, but it's not like you could've kept moving anyway. The bullet had skimmed him at a weird angle, below the knee and not easily accessible. If you'd tried to tug his jeans up further it would probably hurt...
"I think you're gonna have to take your pants off."
"What now?" The instant shock on the cowboy's face was enough to make you double over laughing- and he joined in with that strange chuckle one does when not quite understanding a joke.
Your laughter faded, and you choked out words, "I said you need to take these off," You unrolled the jean leg and pinched it, "I can't get to that cut properly otherwise." You were slightly embarrassed at the words leaving your mouth, but your mind was prioritizing getting this issue dealt with before worrying about strange fantasies. Cass stared down at you, an adorably dumbstruck look plastered on his face, but it was soon replaced with a mild amusement.
"Alright then." His deft fingers moved to unbuckle his belt and the infamous 'BAMF' buckle clinked against itself. "I think 'ure lyin' just to see me half-naked."
"What! You're projecting real hard, Cole." He just chuckled, then shrugged, a wide smile now taking residence on his bearded face. "Stop smiling and take your goddamn pants off!"
"Alright, alright. Yes ma'am." His light eyes flicked to yours with undertones of slight uncertainty, but a sly grin stayed present. It was too infectious- you had to smile back at the stupid man, but, despite all the joking around, you felt an almost teenage nervousness taking hold of your heart.
Cass' belt slid through the loops of his jeans, smoothly, and then clattered to the floor as he discarded it. The button of his jeans came next, popping open with directions from his metal hand, and then his zip slid with a satisfying sound. You realized you were staring, and glanced away, eyes finding perch on some ugly painting you'd never noticed before- Christ it was ugly. Who had thought putting that up was a good idea?
By now Cassidy had shucked off his hat, boots and now stood, kicking off his jeans with all the grace of a three legged dog; he made a low noise through his teeth as the fabric detached from the drying wound. Whilst he was at it he pulled off the armour on his chest, but he treated it with a bit more care than his poor belt. It found perch on the floor, and with that done, he fell back into his comfortable couch position, exhaling in the pleasure of having an un-burdened chest.
He sat now, leaning back with his hands over the back of the couch, in black boxers and a casual undershirt. It's not like you hadn't seen him like this before... You had. Maybe once or twice. But your relationship tended to be relatively professional, relatively business-focused. Whenever, even for the briefest second, it went further, you felt the sharp constrictions of a heart that did not want a 'business relationship'. And that, especially in this economy, was a red flag. A red flag that was on fire and waving around desperately in the desert wind.
His voice pulled you back to reality, "How's it lookin' Doc?"
"Not terrible. Isn't too deep, either." You got up to fetch a little towel from the bathroom, wetted it, and returned to your post. "But it's gonna mess you up for a week or so." The white towel reddened as you brushed it gently over his upper-calf, wetting the tanned skin and blood-speckled hair; your movements were gentle, probably considered by most to be caresses. As you swept directly over the cut he sucked in a harsh breath- but you dared not look up and make eye-contact. You wrapped up the wound after cleaning it thoroughly, round-and-round the bandage went before being tied into a neat little knot. Cass had said barely a word during this process, and, seeing as he usually never shut up, that was rather concerning. Brief, throaty noises of pain were all that came from him; there had never really been a problem of tension between the two of you, but right now, in this odd moment where you lay kneeling on the floor packing up a med-kit in front of a modern-day gunslinger, the air felt thicker than mud. It made you feel something you'd never felt before in this mans presence: self-consciousness. Your kept your eyes to the floor, not looking up once whilst closing the kit- and finally, as you stood and took a fleeting look at your partner, you realized exactly why he was unable to form words.
He was hard.
His entire body was brutally tense. He was no longer slack against the couch but sitting almost completely upright. The only thing giving away his living status was the shallow breathing of his chest. You had no fucking clue what to say or do and, oh god, when he finally met your gaze it felt as though you'd fall right to the ground and pass away. Though, that would be extremely embarrassing, so you avoided it.
You decided to mutter some nonsense, seeing as he was clearly struggling to say anything. "It's... Normal... For that to happen." Was it though? Was it normal to get hard over your friend dressing your painful wound? Probably not.
He cleared his throat, his words coming out strained, "Yeah... I don't-" But he couldn't finish. His head fell, an awkward cringe disappearing with it.
Fucking hell.
You felt a years worth of unrealized fantasy wash over you in a tidal wave; you had to do something, now. Did you want to escalate this thing from a business relationship? You almost laughed at the thought- if this was anything like a business relationship, you wouldn't have been on the floor tending over him like a concerned lover in the first place; he certainly could've dealt with the problem himself. Blood was rushing through your ears and right as Cassidy was about to stand and condemn himself to a torturous bubble of embarrassment- you spoke with stunted words.
"I can help. With that." His face returned from its sullen position, confusion with an edge of shock present on it; his lips moved beneath his beard, attempting to form words, and in this brief silence you were almost overcome with grief at what you'd said. What if it really was normal, and he thought the idea of doing anything with you was preposterous? What if he was chaste as a monk and you had just offended his honour?
"You-" He breathed out a chuckle, finally responding, "You sure 'bout that?"
Relief rushed through you, an antidote to the overthinking, "I'm sure."
Cass looked down, considering something, and returned to your gaze with a newfound intensity. He patted his solid thigh, once, and spoke. "Come on up then, doll."
Fuck it. Everybody's slept with their partner-in-crime-cowboy-friend at least once in their lives.
You were soon straddling the man's thigh; a glint of amusement twinkled in your eyes as his hips shifted, his clothed cock twitching at the two of you making contact. Now inches apart, you slipped your fingers under his shirt and smoothed over the chiseled skin, lust-clouded eyes searching his for approval, and an ocean of it you found. His gaze flicked to your partially-open lips, then back up, then down again, and as your fingers brushed over his needy cock- he pressed his lips against yours with a moan, beard scratching against you in a strangely endearing manner. Images of previous nights alone flashed in your mind, now surrounded by a mocking aura- this could've been yours long ago. You freed him from his confines as his tongue met yours, cock hot and heavy against your palm. Cass' metal hand met your waist whilst the other clenched at the couch, veins flexing at the strain. That was the part of him you loved the most, you thought, his strong hands that treated you and you alone with so much tenderness.
Your own hand begun its motions almost automatically, stroking his throbbing cock at a withheld, teasing pace. Unfortunately, during this, you had to pull from his wild kiss for a gasping breath. His gaze was burning through you, half-lidded and desperate; it was like being in the direct view of a God, a being so important that you felt the urge to dedicate more than you could offer, to offer everything to him. Strings of praises left his pretty lips, 'keep goin', princess' his eyes now screwed up in an almost painful expression of wavering ecstasy. You withdrew your hand from his cock for a millisecond to spit into your palm, and his eyes re-opened to investigate the interruption.
He was so gorgeous you could cry.
The perfect hair, framing the perfect face with the perfect nose, the messy beard and perfectly intense eyes. You pressed against him another chain of brief kisses whilst wrapping your fingers around him, one at a time. On impulse he bucked into them with a shuddering groan that shot right to your core; the look on his pleasure-drunk face was so erotic you truly thought it alone might make you cum. As if hearing your thoughts, he bounced his thigh, a gasp spilling from your lips at the shock of friction against your clit.
You quickened your pace, deft fingers wrapped tight around his cock and moving in quick pumps. Your thumb pressed thickly against the head of his dick, a bead of pre-cum slipping over your fingers as he threw his head back with a indiscernible curse; the pride that filled you over having this strong man come apart at your ministrations was immeasurably sweet, immeasurably tantalizing. You moved closer, pressing against his tanned neck a line of wet kisses, hand pumping his cock desperately fast and forcing from his throat a string of grunts as he grew closer and closer to his peak. More broken words stumbled and fell from his lips, 'jus' like that, keep goin''. He was rutting up into your hand now, apprehension and control gone to the wind; his expression was in the throes of pleasure, eyebrows arched, wet lips parted absently. He met your eyes through his dark lashes, a weak smirk finding perch on his expression; he looked so utterly wrecked by a mere handjob, shaggy hair a complete mess against the couch, and at once it hit you that all those lingering glances and touches were far, far from those of a concerned friends. The thought of him yearning for this, yearning for your touch, made your thighs clench with unreserved arousal; by now your panties were soaked, but not for one second did you think of anything besides Cassidy. You kept moving, hand tugging from the base of his thick cock to the head, and he kissed you again, hard, moaning into your mouth whilst he twitched in your hand. Finally- his firm hips stuttered as he spilled hot cum over your fingers and his own dark shirt. You hummed in approval against his mouth, soon after pulling away for pesky air. Cass meanwhile let his head fall back against the couch, chest heaving against that much-too-tight shirt of his. Feeling rather bold, you raised your hand to your lips as his gaze re-emerged through his lashes and licked his mess from your fingers- his instant response came as a groan and a firm slap against your thigh.
"Can't say that's how I imagined us endin' up in this situation.." He sighed, contently, but tiredly.
"What's that supposed to mean?" You asked, pressing another chain of hot kisses against his neck as he tucked himself back into his boxers.
"Thought maybe I'd rescue you or somethin', have you profess 'ure undying love." He was grinning... But something told you that this was an actual macho fantasy of his.
"Well, there's always next time cowpoke." You rolled off his thigh, settling onto the couch beside him. "How are we gonna explain to everyone that this is how we got together?"
Cass chuckled, mumbling something about the night not being over, and reached over to grab his hat and settle it onto your head. You glanced over, confused- but the look in his eyes said more than any words could.
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mynameisjag · 3 days
Text
For @help-i-need-a-cool-username
Sorry it took so long!
MCU Poolverine meets 97' pre-Morpherine?
Scott has a bad day...
“Are they…chittering at each other?”
“Like fucking stressed out cats.”
Sure enough, that was the sound.
“I’m sorry, he usually isn’t so…”
“Feral? Mine is, it’s good for them to let loose once in awhile, keeps the angry muppet faces from happening too often.”
“Yours does it too?,” Morph turned toward their new…friend?...acquaintance?, “so, I’m Morph and the short man doing the impression of a guard dog is Wolverine.”
“Deadpool and the taller man acting like a cat on catnip is my Wolverine! I like how yours is a short King with blue hair.”
“Thank you? Umm, yours is,” currently ripping a car tire off and chucking at his Logan, “destroying Cyclop's car?”
“Yeah, he does that, it makes him feel better.”
The tire went sailing by them as Logan dodged it, rolling out of the way, only to get tackled as soon as he stood up.
“What is going on out here-what happened to my car!?”
Sure enough, Scott was standing at the top of the mansion stairs having just exited, car keys dangling in one hand as he watched the visitor Logan get thrown backwards into it, turn midair to position himself to springboard off the car back towards the other Wolverine. The force of the ricochet pushing the vehicle sideways into the stone fence wall, getting stuck half through it.
“I was gone less then five minutes, I just came back to grab my wallet?!”
“The girls are fighting,” Deadpool ignores the confused look the X-men leader sent his way, and cupped his hands around his covered mouth, “Hey, Peanut, stop playing and come say hi. You’re making us look rude!”, he turned back to Morph, hands now going to his hips, “I’ve swear I’ve taught him manners, though maybe using whiskey as a motivator isn’t the best thing to teach him with.”
Both of the fighting men glanced over at the group, huffing a little before putting back their claws, still giving each other the side eye as they started to walk over.
Scott took a deep breath through his nose, turning toward his team member that wasn’t destroying the yard, “Morph, care to explain.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, the sky opened up and this two fell on top of us and Logan took some real offensive to be squished.”
“Took offensive to them squishing you, you can’t spring back up like I can.”
“Awe, there’s that Wolvie overprotection, a universal trait.”, the red clad hero threw his arm around his partner's shoulders and laying his head against his.
“I will and have thrown you into a mob of gunfire.”, the other Wolverine accepted the touches, even going as far as to look more relaxed.
“Only because you know I like it!”
Morph shared a look with their world’s Logan, the other giving a one shoulder shrug in confusion.
Scott seemed just as confused, “I’m sorry, he throws you into bullets?”
“Worried about little ole me!? Don’t be getting your Superhero panties in a twist, bullets can’t do shit to me, besides I enjoy it. Getting him riled up and being tossed across whole rooms is part of the fun of it.”
“Who are you two? Why are you destroying our stuff?”
“Jeez, Introductions again, fine, I’m Deadpool, again, and this is my Wolverine, again, if it gets too confusing for you to keep up with who is who, well, I like to call him, Peanut, Majesty, Honey Badger, Furiosa, Papi, Mami, Angel Face, Babygirl-“
“If you don’t pick something to call me, he is going to keep going.”
“-my meow meow, homeslice from the deep woods, Jessica-“
“Jessica?”
“Jessica it is!,” the man turned and pressed his covered lips to his partners cheek, giving a dramatic kissing sound, “Muah, the Jessica to my Roger Rabbit, the movie version of course.”
“Jessica”, let out a deep tired sounding sigh, “Just call me James.”
Scott turned toward the destroyed car then back to them, “Jessica.”
The newly dubbed ‘Jessica’ face went from neutral to scowling, Deadpool pinched his cheek, “and there’s the angry muppet face back with full force!”, he caught himself from falling over as he was shrugged off, giggling slightly as he refocused on the three bystanders, “Any who, you and everyone else is probably wondering what the hell is going on, and the truth is-“
“-Dumbass here ass dialed us to the wrong universe.”
Morph watched as Logan seemed to sniff the air, taking a half step toward the other him, who instantly noticed, they themselves ignored the situation that was about to happen and refocused on the man in red, “How do you “ass dial” to the wrong universe?”
“Mostly by failing a split and falling hard on the device in your back pocket, that may or may not be stolen, which takes you, your partner and your kids that were nearby into another universe-oh fuck-we gotta find mini-Wolvie and little Miss Mary.”
“Who?”
“Mine and Jessica’s babygirls! Mini takes right after her Daddy and Mary has my good looks!”
Morph blinked, “You two…together…have kids?”
“The dog is not a our kid!”, the Wolverine’s were circling each other again, more curious then ready to fight again.
“But you agree your mini is both of ours!”
Another slow blink before Morph leaned closer to Deadpool, ignoring Scott heading toward his destroyed car and the other two sniffing each other?, they plastered a big smile on their face, “So kids, partners, cute nicknames, sounds like you two are close.”
“More then just close, but don’t you worry, I’m pretty sure I don’t exist in this world, little off limits apparently, sooo,” the merc pulled the other closer to him, shoulder to shoulder as he directed their attention over to the two Wolverines trying to pull the car out of the fence wall as Scott directed them, “I gotta make sure my boy is taken care of in all worlds, and since I’m not here, that leaves that responsibility to you!”
“Excuse me, why would-“
“-Nope! No excuses with me around, either you get your shit together or I’m going to see if two Logan’s can live together, most likely no, but it will be fun to find out! Like having a full course meal with a little dessert on the side. Someone is going to be overstuffed in the end.”
The car rolled by them sideways, coming to a stop upside, Morph just sighed fondly as Logan waved at them before jumping up on the vehicle, the variant right behind them as they both stared down a fuming Scott, “How can you stay mad at him, look at him, he’s never seen the top of a shelf before.”
“See you get it, I bet you’re his Roger Rabbit too.”
They're side-eye could kill a person, “What does that mean?”
“Simple, you can make him laugh," there was a nonchalant one shoulder shrug, "you've already got a place in his heart with that gesture alone."
“…oh…”
“Look at that face, realization baby, bet his nose scrunches up and he snorts, bet he play fights with you, bet you get drinks together-“
“-please shut up, I’m having a crisis.”
“You’re an X-man…X-person?, whatever, you should be used to crisis, both personal and external by now, so nut up buttercup, we are going to get you your little stinky bear cat."
Deadpool gave them an enthusiastic thumbs up...Morph just sighed in resignation.
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