#I REALLY hope I can write this well enough to convey all that lmao

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

okay I have organized my thoughts a little so I can talk about this

hex fic spoilers/discussion under the cut

1. In real life, you were adopted by a villain family when you were around the same age as Touya when he died (there’s gonna be a lot of implied discussions about how you were loved and cherished but were raised as a villain and how he was neglected and unwanted but was raised to be a hero, but more on that at a later date)

2. You are from the States and only moved overseas because you left your family’s villain life and have been trying to start over as a civilian. You don’t like to talk about the reason why, which leaves Touya to project his own reasonings based on the literal TWO random encounters he’s had with some of your family and WILDLY misinterprets the situation

3. On top of all your disabilities, you are quirkless. It is very clear Touya thinks this is the worse condition of the two.

Your villain parents set you up with everything they can to make sure you can live as independently and safely as possible on your own. You have numerous adaptive items, equipment, an assist pet with a quirk, etc that you would not have otherwise. You mention more than once that your life got a lot better after they took you in.

And the first thing Touya does in this little fantasy of his is erase all of them from your life, keeps you with your abusive biological family, and gives you a relatively powerful quirk but you get extremely bullied for it, so he is literally your only comfort and protection from everyone else.

He very much believes this is the better option. He pretty much sums up your life as ‘If you had a quirk of your own and could’ve made something of yourself on your own, you wouldn’t have been stuck with villains’. Y’know, just like him!!!!!!!!!!!!

So in this last chapter, there’s this moment, when he’s isolated you from every one you love and inadvertently made it so you have less independence and agency in your life, leaving only him for you to rely on, and you somehow start getting worse than you are in real life even with a powerful quirk that the two of you get to train together with, he can’t comprehend why. He’s literally the Eric Andre meme.

-literally snipes your entire character- Wait why are you getting worse? What could I possibly be doing wrong?

He refuses to believe a good quirk won’t make everything better and is sacrificing your character because of it.

[i-sveikata]

Hello!

I don't want to ask about the next chapter date, but I really liked when you'd talk about future chapters here, even when it was just mentioning the percentage of writing done or any small detail. So, if you don't mind and enjoy answering questions about it, what was you favorite scene to write and the most difficult one? Anything funny/interesting about it or the writing process? Have you decided where you want the next chapter to end? Was there a scene you weren't really looking forward to writing, but it needed to happen for the sake of the plot? I hope this isn't too spoiler-y, it can be as vague as you like! Hope you have a great day ✨️

hi anon! ha thats great cause i dont know it!

totally happy to talk about the chapter! lmao i got no idea about percentage done only that (as always) the chap is likely to end up longer than i expected ahhahahaahahah.

ive been writing a lot of smut scenes so most of the overall vibe of the chap has been pretty horny lol. its always a different experience writing sex scenes because youre trying to fit a lot of working parts together like what are the main emotions being conveyed? is it sexy and sensual? is it raw and messy and violently passionate? and then there's all the practical considerations like where are their hands at? who took pants off first? did you remember to remove the socks? are they actually in the kind of position that would be physically impossible in real life? lmao. i find the most important part is making a sex scene believable because youre not going to get a reaction from an audience who doesnt believe in it. and if its not believable then even that has its own function and is fulfilling some kind of narrative purpose in the moment to underlay an unaddressed tension. it feels like there are a lot of layers to the characters in this fic and honestly that comes across into the sex too!!

so in this chap they're in a very interesting new dynamic now where pete has been the one sort of chasing Vegas (and it kind of blew up in his face a little) like sure he's admitted to being angry but he hasn't quite admitted to what that did to his trust in vegas. pete offering himself to vegas was a BIG deal and vegas running off anyway was a deep cut to pete (even if vegas also gave him the ring). and that hasn't been sufficiently addressed as yet- so pete is already falling back into old habits of being a little more guarded with himself again. and vegas is such an emotional mess at the moment he's trying to deepen their intimacy as much as he can. he wants to feel close to pete but hes at least self aware enough about his chances for that which is why hes so intent in doing it through physical means (sex and bodily intimacy). i think vegas is very sensitive to any changes to petes behaviour around him so its not going to take very long for him to pick up theres something affecting the previous easy comfort they were finding in each others company before the coup. which is also why hes coming on a lot stronger in the sense of being possessive of pete and his time around people who arent a threat to him (i.e his brother and pete's family) and then being openly hostile to people who have some kind of claim to pete (like his childhood friend poom who isnt romantically interested in pete). basically vegas is feeling insecure of their relationship just as pete is feeling a little insecure about his ability to trust vegas- they're just showing the effects of this in different ways!! (well pete isnt quite showing it as yet but he will)

hmm favourite scene atm is their messy bathroom hook up tbh it is really off the wall for them. i wouldnt say theres an especially difficult scene- i dont normally view writing like that but i have been reworking a lot of that bathroom scene because its actually going to include both POVs and ive been trying to figure out the best place for that POV shift to transition (but i think i've finally decided on a point that im satisfied with). for scenes im interested in most i tend to write those first and then build on them long enough that they end up linking together with other scenes into a comprehensive storyline so there's not really scenes i'm not looking forward to writing if that makes sense? theres obvs like the research details which i end up having to search for but i usually put in placeholders so it doesnt affect the flow of the writing whilst im doing it. i guess for your question then that it would just be the scenes that i get to last? but that doesnt necessarily mean i dont like them or arent interested in them or don't want to write them. it's weirdly a lot less conscious decision making in regards to that. im mostly just filling in scenes that i havent written yet at the moment. i usually like the ideas i come up with for the sake of the plot so there's really not that much reluctance in those plot decisions tbh!! like i came up with a connection/ backstory to the minor family/ main family rings which tankhun is planning to use to his advantage (and get petes help to do so) and it ended up tying in really well with the characterisations of Mr Korn and Mr Kan so that it slotted very neatly (imo) into the fic! i dont mind being too spoilery if people don't mind being spoiled!! but i know ppl have different standards for that so it's better (and sometimes more fun!) to be a bit vague.

thanks for the questions!! it was great to think about. hope you have a great day too! :)

[kohakhearts]

13, 16 and 40 for the writer asks?

thanks ollie!!

13: what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

god this is a boring answer but. "show, don't tell." it's like the one thing i actually consciously think about when i write (well, more so when i edit tbf but same dif). in the past 3-4 years i've gotten really good at learning to be concise in my writing and i do think this my being comfortable with conveying emotions and such through small actions without a need to justify my choice in the writing is what's led to that!

16: how many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? share one of them?

oh god LOL so many. the big au ideas in my brain right now are the starter mew au and the orre au. i think i recently shared a bit about the orre au (though i'd be so happy to share more if anyone asked me about it!), so i'll share a bit about the starter mew au instead!

basically way back in december @jaystrifes sent me this ask, which festered in my brain and has grown into a whole jn rewrite (that currently remains just plotted...but one day i'll have the time to write it. i hope dhjfghjd). it doesn't go exactly as i said in the ask - i've had time to sit with the idea since then and some of my thoughts have changed a bit - but the basic premise is still the same. this idea of like...mew feeding off of goh's twisted sense of self. what to him is evidence of his capability is to mew a fun little game, and it's making all the rules. i've spent all the time i've been plotting it working out like...ok, so what is the goal of project mew? how does goh fit into it? how does gary fit into it? and the other side of like - ok, so what's the connection between the mewtwo we see in the genesect movie and giovanni's mewtwo? what does that imply about team rocket's research on mew and their attempts at cloning it? goh and ash also met mewtwo in jn - and it didn't wipe their memories or anything, which suggests it respected them enough not to, even after goh insulted it by insinuating battling it was only worth it to get data on mew. there's just a lot of potential with mewtwo and mew that's not really fully explored in jn, so i wanted to dig into that a bit - at the same time as diving into this version of goh who is even more isolated than in canon and who's not just a victim of parental neglect but also of this psychological dependency on mew. his relationship with ash in particular has been fun to analyze. in my mock-up ao3 draft i said that "ash has aura powers and contrarily goh is more of a self-proclaimed empath" so that's...pretty much their dynamic in a nutshell LMAO.

anyway! i titled the au progeny and do have a tag for it, so i'm sure i'll start throwing more things in there once i actually start writing the thing lol

40: if someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

i answered this one here but you know what? i'll also say again about this year's christmas fic i'd love to see art of the boys in their matching christmas sweaters LOL. i can only imagine the abject horror on goh's face lmaoooo

get to know your fic writer!

[altschmerzes]

5 and 19 for the writer asks!!

5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

yes, i absolutely positively have. every time a project gets Too Big And Involved it ends up with a playlist. like you knowwwww it's a whole Thing when it gets a playlist. i don't have links to drop but i can compile some of them if anyone is interested and promises not to clown on me for my cringe music taste 😂

19. what are some books or authors that influenced your style the most?

tamsyn muir's locked tomb has had a huge influence on my style. this is obviously like, especially super the case when i'm writing locked tomb fic lmao but it holds over generally, also. there's a kind of, like... specificity and sharpness to it that i have tried to incorporate versions of into my own work, reflecting on what worked about it so well and why. she has such a grasp of like. really long-sticking phrases, she described something as looking like chopped-up jewelry once, and i think about that a lot. also, the greenwing and dart books by victoria goddard have impacted me too, i think, in the way they convey characterization particularly through what a person passively thinks about or comments on and the things they think are normal and what they think are weird. one of the things i like the most about her books is the way she conveys what's important to a character, as well as characterization and character dynamics more broadly.

i think historically, terry pratchett and patricia c wrede massively impacted me when i was younger.

pratchett particularly in the way he phrased things and constructed like... his writing has a very strong knack for evoking a powerful and lasting emotion. there are a few feelings that i've been gripped by for a long time from his tiffany aching books specifically. like, there's the unfairness of the bit about the woman that everyone thought was a witch and mistreated her, and the construction of The Witch as a whole. there's a bit i can't remember exactly but it was something like "it was enough that she was all alone, it was enough that she looked strange because she had no teeth" and the sense of just. intense 'it's not fair' has stuck with me forever. and the melancholy and regret of the... prayers left for granny aching after her death - granny aching mind my sheep, granny aching find my lamb. please find our girl becky what ran away i'm sorry. and then the righteous indignation and determination of - all witches are selfish, so turn selfishness into a weapon. make all things yours. make all hopes and wishes yours. walk the gale for them. mind the sheepfold. my land, my dreams, my brother, how dare you try to take these things because they are mine. i have a duty. etc. the way he struck such a powerfully lasting impression with those scenes, and with such small points of focus sometimes, man. that left an imprint on me and i have been striving to hit that same kind of like. leaving an impression with the powerful conveyance of a feeling.

and then wrede just. man her writing is fun. it is so, so fun to me, and the way she built the worlds she wrote in were just... wildly entertaining and fun and sincere at the same time, and that's something i think i've been chasing in my own work ever since. i'm not very good at fun sometimes, and so i think about that a lot.

[thychesters]

20 Questions for fic writers

@acewithapaintbrush posted and said "go for it" so here i am! putting this under a cut because it got long lmao

How many works do you have on Ao3?

33

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

303,124

3. What fandoms do you write for?

dc/batman/birds of prey, with some until dawn and uncharted thrown in there. right now it's mostly one piece though.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

ship to wreck. (one piece/zolu)

ocean breathes salty. (one piece/zolu)

ronald mcdonald eat your heart out. (dc/batman/bruce & dick)

the salt & the sea. (one piece/zolu/reincarnation au)

misery loves company. (dc/batman/jason & damian)

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes! i appreciate them a ton. sometimes it might take me a few days but i try to respond to every single one

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ooh that's a tough one, because while i like to include a lot of notes of angst, most of the endings have been on decent notes. maybe if you go out in the woods today (until dawn) because it's a vanishing hitchhiker au.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably the salt & the sea. (one piece)! i'd like to think all of that build up to the end and the reunion was worth it. (and it was to me, at least!)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

luckily i have not!

9. Do you write smut?

hehe i have and i want to again!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

nope! not really my thing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

years ago i noticed some similarities in ideas, but nothing too major.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i haven't!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have... considered doing so...

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

since i tend to bop between fandoms, i don't really have one! right now it's zolu, but i also really enjoy the dynamics of the straw hats as a whole. i'm rotating them in my mind like a rotisserie chicken.

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i think unfortunately the first op fic i started is going to end up being something the buzzards (me) pick at for lines and ideas. or maybe someday in the far future it will see the light of day. (i started it 70 episodes into my watch and stabbed zoro haha)

16. What are your writing strengths?

i like to think i can convey emotions and character interactions. i also enjoy some of the physicality between them, so i hope that shows as well!

17. What are you writing weaknesses?

balancing out dialogue between a large cast of characters and pacing in action sequences. want to keep enough happening to keep things moving, but not repeat myself four times.

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

why not, if it works?

19. First Fandom you wrote for?

honestly i think my friend and i wrote twilight parody fic when we were in middle school LMAO

20. Favorite fic you have written?

more recently i'm very proud of the zolu reincarnation au i've mentioned above, but i'm also really, really happy with the way the zoro pining fic ode to an ocean. turned out. that one has a few of my favorite lines in it! (also maybe my next wip ... or who knows)

thanks for the tag by proxy ace!

if they're interested in doing so, i'm tagging @lookforanewangle, @beck-a-leck, @sciencemyfiction, @ghostlandtoo, and @microcomets! (hi claire!)

[persephoneflouwers]

Lucky Again

I spent the last few days thinking about this song quite a lot. I haven’t paid much attention to it at first, probably the excitement felt a bit mitigated by the fact we knew the song already, but I’ve been binge listening to the album for a month now and every week it’s a new week obsessing with a different song, so now it’s Lucky Again turn. I haven’t read many analysis or opinions lately, because I’ve been pretty busy, so I’m sorry if this is something someone already wrote about or if it doesn’t really make sense. It does make sense in my head tho, so I’ll hope I can articulate my thoughts well enough to convey the message lol.

I think Lucky Again is a very comforting song, more like self-comforting. It is a love song, but to himself. And since when I started reading at it like this… Lucky Again has been hurting more than any other song in the album. Yeah, I said that about All this time too but yall know what I mean lol. They are very very very personal songs. Louis is so good at writing about himself and being so open to fucking stub your heart with a single word, but sometimes it goes a bit unheard. Not here tho, not here.

Anyway. Let’s start!

You give and give until it's gone away, Just tell yourself you've got another day

Starting with a bang. I usually read deeper than necessary but the incipit feels a bit tough, doesn’t it? He’s saying life can get consuming. It consumes you, your time, your energies, sometimes your feelings. You give and give until everything is gone and you go though your day by inertia, one day after the other.

You've lived that life, you just don't see it yet

Truth been spoken. When you are in your darkest place, it’s hard to appreciate what you have and usually you miss it when it’s gone (oh wait! Maybe you don't know what's lost 'til you find it 🎶)

I see how hard you've worked to be yourself

When I tell you I sobbed the first time this line clicked in my brain. Just imagine Louis saying this to himself… argh! I don’t know how to react. It’s like absolutely amazing he appreciates and values how much he has grown as a person and how many steps forward he has taken and how rough some times were. It’s amazing to see him acknowledging he came out of his own dark places or at least he has tried. I was wondering what Louis meant when he said in some interviews he doesn’t like when people pity him, and I see why. There’s nothing to pity here, it’s just congratulations for how strong and tough he is. Hard work always always pays off.

If you believe that guy is Superman, They're selling tickets at the cinema

The interpretations of this line are potentially endless, but it always hit me for how real it is. It spoke to me like the best way to say ‘it’s bullshit, but you do you’. It’s a recurrent concept in FITF, the disillusionment and the concreteness of reality. He’s not a dreamer in this album, always very optimistic, positive, mature but never not pragmatic. He sounds jealous at some point, like one of those things you say to your partner when they make a comment about somebody else, right? But it’s the way he sets this in a specific direction, he sets the tone with two words: superMAN and cinema. So it feels to me like he is talking about a famous person who usually gets idolised, and by extent fame, popularity in general. I am not a teacher, but I would say this is a rhetoric figure called Synecdoche and I absolutely adore it! So does Louis, by the way. The choice of words is interesting and telling. He’s using believe as something a bit negative here. That’s ironic for an abum called FAITH in the future, isn’t it? But it’s his way apparently. He wants to create a paradox, a contrast and it’s clear since the cover of the album, since it doesn’t strike as a faithful cover to me lmao

Whatever gets you through the darkest night, Just find the light, Out in the madness, hold tight

Now that I’m writing about it, every line in this song feels like a ring of a chain and everyone references the other like it’s 🤯. Sometimes when I listen to songs I imagine how the singer would speak to someone else. For this part, I clearly see future Louis talking to present Louis and that applies to any other timeline, it’s an inception of Louis talking to himself basically. He’s encouraging to keep going no matter what (whatever gets you).

Through the night… isn’t it a-m-a-z-i-n-g how consistent this theme is in Louis songs? He’s been singing Through the dark for months and look at her, coming back in disguise! Self references are hot, but this one gets the cake. Is he by any chance saying «whatever gets you through the night… we will find a way through the dark» etc etc? Love it. 10/10.

'Cause I'm a hard man to lose

This has always felt a bit… weird. Like imagine you go “im hard man to lose” in a song where you are basically saying you are happy you’re together again or something. It feels… arrogant? A bit? And honestly that’s not a ‘songwriter Louis’ move. I just don’t see it. And I know, it’s always about the layers with him, but what if it’s literal this time? What if he is saying “I am not the one gives up, I am not the one losing”? After all, he’s been pretty open here about how hard he worked, he has just said he has to hold tightly.

But I figured it out then made my way back To a life I would choose

He settled it for me in this line. He is not one to lose, that’s how he went back to the life he chose and he says it as proudly as he can because the thing is… it doesn’t matter how crazy it is (the madness and all that) but he would do it again. Despite all the shit, he would do it again. You can take it as a nod to his relationship of course. He changes the line second time with ‘I'm a hard man to find, but you figured it out and I love you for that’, almost pushing for a love story interpretation. But to me it feels more like he is talking about second chances, specifically in his life and work opportunities . The life I would choose part screams career to me and hits you in the face pretty hard if you think of how many obstacles he has been going through since the start of his solo career and even before during the band.

We were lucky once, I could be lucky again

He’s been using only you/I form til here. Now, I know this we can be misleading. It’s very natural to conceive a we as an us, like two people in a relationship or something, but see… that’s very Louis lol. He writes songs like stories and here he’s storytelling. Sometimes it even feels like a plurale maiestatis! I use it an embarrassing amount of time especially for non-formal conversations, and probably this is my bias of interpretation since English is not my first language but it’s curious the way he switches from a We (in past form), to I (possible future form). That’s why I think the we is used only to help with the story he’s writing about, the past he’s recalling while writing the song.

Before the world had got so serious, Before the time it got away from us

Layers againnnnn! Is this about his past maybe in the band or before that? Is this about… I don’t know, the pandemic? The world got pretty serious in 2020 didn’t it? And stunt-wise things haven’t been looking pretty bright since the second half of 2020 so… yeah. But actually I consider this a description of more innocent times. He seems nostalgic of. Still… he doesn’t seem to be willing to go back then again. He misses simple times, but has faith the future would make him feel lucky again.

It got away from us… is so strong. It’s powerful the way he never really blames anyone for the bad or the wrong. It’s just that time goes away. Very Heraclitus of him with the panta rei and all (an usual recurrent theme in Louis songwriting) and very it is what it is too. He’s very coherent in his songs, I love it.

I meet you at the favorite subway stop, We grab some food then meet the lads for one

Storytelling king strikes again. He’s so good in describing moments from the past. Like Saturdays is a song born entirely from past memories, so I really shouldn’t be surprised he does it in Lucky too, but still! Look, lines like this are seriously meant to paint a scenario in your head and he does it so well. Meet, eat and smoke with friends like a Netflix and chill ante litteram. It’s so straightforward. 11/10.

Look back on a time, I was lucky once, I could be lucky again

I love love LOOOVE the way he uses look back on a time, because he really kinda confirms how all he just did was recalling moments from a past life through lyrical narration.

What a gem of a song.

Also special mention to The unfiltered version of Lucky again with the “I’m lucky/I’m in love” whatever the fuck you meant by that, Louis, that was pretty sick and it should have survived the final revisions.

[boinin]

2024 check-in

It's been a while since I talked about Cassis Orange here. For those wondering, I still don't have a concrete ETA on when I'll publish the next chapters. I'm actively writing the final chapters as of now however, after a few false starts and writers' block. All I can say from here is, I'll keep people posted 🐞

For anyone interested in behind-the-scenes rambling about my writing process, more below the cut.

What's holding things up? Well, I like to finish a full draft of a piece, allow myself some breathing space from it, before going back to review, edit and weave together the chapter's themes and ideas.

Emphasis on "finish a full draft". That's a mistake I've made with Cassis Orange. I've always had sight of the destination, and the scenes needed to get the characters there, but not always how these scenes should join up or how they ought to flow.

In addition, nailing down themes and authentic character growth has been challenging. Lastly, the gap between writing chapters 1-8 and writing 9-10 has slowed progress, as I end up needing to re-read what's already there for consistency.

None of this is to the fic's detriment (I hope), but it's knocked my own motivation at times. "Done is better than perfect" is a motto I continually remind myself of. It's taking me longer than I'd like, that's just life. But I remain excited to finish the story, which is the main metric of concern 😉

Anyway, why is finishing a full draft so important?

Well...

Here's a quick look at my old drafts folder:

Chapter 9's main difficulty, despite me knowing exactly what needs to happen, is hitting the right emotional notes and character milestones. I've already made three distinct stabs at the same scenes, none of which really achieve what I want them to.

Thankfully, these particular issues aren't on the same scale as what I faced with Chapter 7. shudders I am confident about where to go next.

If you're wondering, IMO the best solution to this issue is to just... write them anyway. See the events out, imperfect as they may be. It's more insightful to revise a dysfunctional scene from beginning to end, than a half-baked draft that tails off in author despair and confusion.

A recurring mistake, which I'll try to learn from going forward.

|| Spoilers for published chapters of Cassis Orange start here! ||

This is my note on the oldest draft (which I first started in May, apparently?? holy fuck). Because I wrote out of sequence, the Chapter 9 I'd started doesn't align with the direction Chapter 7 and Chapter 8 took. In fact, it's different enough from what I want to convey that I've considered recycling the draft into its own fic. May still do, but not before I finish CO.

The "Kunigami Sadboi" draft is exactly what it sounds like lmao. In short, I sketched out some angsty scenes in his POV that take place between chapter 7 and chapter 8. Alexa, play I'm Not Okay (I Promise).

Ultimately, I determined these don't fit the vibe of the Chapter 9 I want to publish. But they served a valuable creative purpose. Even if it's not spelled out for you (the hypothetical reader), it's important that the writer (me) and by extension, the characters, know what happened off-screen.

These drafts are imperfect. But now that I'm carving out the final Chapter 9, I can cherry-pick ideas and imagery from them. No writing goes to waste, even if it's destined to lounge in your drafts folder for all eternity.

Anyway, if you've got this far, you deserve a medal. Instead, have a snippet of how Chapter 9 could have looked, had I hit publish on that older version. Featuring out-of-character weepy Chigiri and indulgent author moralising via Kunigami!

I'm irrationally fond of this moment, though it doesn't hold up for a number of reasons. It's what the idiom kill your darlings refers to. I can like this excerpt, and it may have some merit, but it doesn't serve the narrative at large. So it dies, along with the 15,000 other words that didn't quite hit the mark 🥲

Here's another snippet, from Kunigami's sadboi days:

Again, something I personally enjoyed writing. Kunigami's dynamic with his kids is something I treasure a lot about this AU. It's simply one of those scenes that's best kept to headcanon, due to the shape I want Chapter 9 to take.

[thatdesklamp]

Maggie idk how to convey how much intrinsic warmth means to me.

Very few fics have impacted me the way this one has. You dragged me in from the first line; I’ve reread IW (PLUS all the Satoru one-shots, in order thank you very very much!) 5 times. And each time I find something new about my Hebi-Hebi. The Satoru POVs have really helped me see the deeper meanings in the main story, they’ve added color, depth to an already perfect (imho) piece. I can’t get enough of it.

It’s also the first time I’ve been actually able to “see” the story in my mind. I can see Satoru’s cheek twitch when he’s pretending, I can visualize him on the rooftop (beautiful beautiful beautiful), I can see Satoru’s home burning before me. I feel Hebi’s wants, fears, anger viscerally. Especially her love for Satoru. (I mean he is the one that brought me back to this site after years of letting my blog rot) I have NEVER experienced that before! It’s super hard for me to read and enjoy it, but you’ve done it! I’m so grateful to you, to this story you’ve given not just me but the fandom.

I know it’s going to be something I look back on for years. Fondly, softly, with tears in my eyes. (You’ve made me cry so much, but also laugh, fall in love, made my hands ache with longing and shake with anger.) I’m so thankful to you for sharing it with us, idek what else I could say besides that. After all I’m just a pfp on the screen.

Still, I hope that now you know that I think fondly of you, Satoru, and my Hebi-chan. I hope that college is going well, that your pillow is always cool before bed, that your days are full of light and love !

Stay swaggy, Maggie.

- Autumn 💘

Hello hello hi this is so so lovely

I don’t fully know how to respond to this? This is all just so so kind and sweet and lovely of you to say and I’m kicking my feet a lil bit over here.

I’m really glad I’ve, like, … been able to emotionally impact you? Through writing? It sounds so silly but it really is all any writer really hopes to do, even if i am but a writer of x reader fanfic LMAO. The whole ‘the story you’ve given to the fandom’ is WILD truly but it’s so so cool to know that there are genuinely multiple people who rock with IW. Sounds very casual but you know what I mean lol.

Agh. This is just.. really kind. Know that I’m very grateful for you for saying this. <333 Thanks sm. I hope things are going so so cool for you my friend <3

[arsenic-io]

I did a fanfiction about the Olympic torchbearer and (technically) the flag bearer. I don't really... remember writing this tbh, it was written in about 45 mins total between me posting my art and falling asleep so have some consideration for the quality lmao.

I've shared the text below, but it's probably easier to read on AO3 - if you do read it there let me know what you think <3

Freefall

(Idk why Cape is always capitalised, my phone does that apparently)

There is always something exhilarating about falling. The rush of air past you, the tug at your senses as your every inch screams that this is wrong and dangerous and horrible. The only hope you have is your faith in your ability to eye up an angle accurately, to jump with that angle in mind and to have enough of your brain still under your own control as you hit the ground to remember to roll.

As someone (something? They're not sure anymore) who spends so much of their time in the catacombs of Paris by necessity, the open air and free fall that comes with traversing the rooftops is as close to drugs as the Phantom can get these days. Whether that is because buying drugs is more difficult when you're part ghost, part concept, all incorporeal, or because drugs would no longer work on them is irrelevant. What is relevant is The Flag-bearer whose ghostly horse has come to a standstill at the edge of the rooftop they just leapt from.

She has an air of disapproval as she looks down at them, and although they don't really have eyes, or a mouth, or a face anymore, the Phantom tries their best to convey a smirk. It seems to work, as her horse huffs a snort in lieu of an eye roll and she tugs on the reins to take a step back.

Honestly, the Phantom doesn't know why the horse doesn't jump down after them, it's as ghostly and magic and not-a-living-horse as the Phantom themselves and that distance of a jump would be enough for even a bold human to make, but regardless the Horsewoman will make her own, alternative way down to find the Phantom again so they should probably take advantage of their headstart.

The reason they are being chased is because of a prank gone, well, exactly to plan.

The ceremony begins tomorrow and the city is up to its decapitated neck in preparations as the river becomes the focus of months of planning and practice and so, so much money. Some of the more quiet spirits, the Hunchback and such, have stayed away from the hullabaloo, but with all of the faff about the waterways (one of Phantom's favourite things about the city) and the added nuisance of a camera crew in their usual haunt, they had come out of seclusion to see what the fuss was about. And then ran directly, physically into the Horsewoman. Or well, her horse.

It makes an impression on a recluse, to see someone so damn shiny and bold in the Parisian sunlight, and almost like a particularly dumb pigeon the Phantom just... couldn't help themselves.

Therefore the prank: Grand Theft Cape.

Therefore² the being chased down by the owner of said Cape.

Their first plan was ingenious. They were going to simply snatch the cape while The Flag-bearer was occupied observing the preparations and then dissappear only slightly mockingly into the waterways of the catacombs on their boat. This plan was almost immediately foiled by the realisation that the horse could apparently run on water, but the simplicity of it was nice.

See, being a recluse who lives underground limits the Phantom's knowledge of their fellow spirits quite severely, and this knowledge is especially lacking when it comes to the more niche of spirits, such as those only really around for specific events or a limited time, such as The Flag-bearer. All the Phantom knew was that she was militant, horse riding and beautiful, the rest was... to be determined.

Knowing what they do now, the Phantom would have adjusted the original plan somewhat, but hindsight and all that.

Keeping their footsteps light, the Phantom moves almost back the way they came, trying to gain height while adjusting to the sensation of wearing a cape on their back. Although their normal attire is certainly flowy, the swish of movement brought by the stolen fabric is odd and difficult to adjust to.

One annoying thing about ghost horses is that apparently they don't make any noise.

The Phantom is reduced purely to sight to track their pursuer and so high ground is invaluable. There isn't exactly a plan beyond 'evade' right now, although they hope to fix that as they are evading maybe they'll hide the Cape on an inconveniently high tower or something, let it billow mockingly in the wind. That would get The Flag-bearer's attention.

Not that they don't have her attention currently, they chide themselves as they see the flicker of white and silver move on the streets below. They might have a little to much of her attention actually.

Paris is a big city, with rooftops beffiting that descriptor, so it isn't as if the Phantom is running out of space. But this chase has continued from mid afternoon to sundown now and as incorporeal a concept as they are, something close to fatigue or boredom snags at them as they traverse the skyline.

Something else snags at them as well when they make they next jump, more physical this time as the cape simply... doesn't follow their motion and they swing back, trapped by their momentum, into the side of the building. If they had a body with functioning nerves it would be sore.

They are hanging like a scuffed kitten from their stolen cape as they look up into the bemused and stalwart face of The Flag-bearer. She is still mounted on her horse, bearing the full weight of holding them up with one unstrained arm while the other soothes the ears of her companion.

It seems like she is waiting for them to speak.

"Hello." They begin. She tilts her head.

"Sorry about the, uh," the Phantom wiggles slightly in her hold, "theft."

Her eyes do something which in no way resembles an eye roll, yet somehow serves the same purpose.

"You caught me, so I guess that means you win!" They shift trying to avoid eyecontact despite their lack of eyes. "You win the Cape you already had! So just, uh, set me down and I'll hand it over to you." She tilts her head, this time to the other side.

The Phantom looks at the drop below them and then back up at her trying to convey a sense of 'I won't run I promise' which they don't think convinces her.

She pulls a leaf of paper from... somewhere on her or on the horse and holds it out. The Phantom takes it, realising she might be a mute spirit (which would explain the horse's lack of horse noises) but all the paper reads is this: get the flame to its destination.

"Ah, but I'm not," she shifts her hold on the cape slightly, jostling them a little, "I'm only in the ceremony a little. For dramatic effect. I'm not supposed to touch the torch at all!"

The Flag-bearer hoists them higher, reaches over to unclasp the Cape and then the Phantom is falling through the night air, wind tugging at their hood.

[fatuismooches]

adding more to my last ask and in affirmation to what you said in your tags: HE DOES. kabuki loves using that combo of his so much.

if there is anything that never fails to make him smile it's the sight of yours whenever he addresses you by "dear (name)" and he just adores the reaction you give in response to it.

both his expression and smile soften at the sight of you either blushing or smiling warmly in return. bonus point for both which happens more often than not, your heart soars whilst he speaks the endearment aloud with such love; holding you close from behind as his veil shields the two of you.

he would never pass up the opportunity for anything else just so he could address you by that endearment. especially when he brightens up the beginning of your day by waking up first and already made you chazuke or some lavender melon soup.

you roused up from your peaceful slumber due to the sunlight assaulting your eyes, opening them only to be greeted with a familiar warmth being gone. it was a little strange to not see your lover first thing into the day, he never leaves bed until you woke up, and just as you were about to get up and look for him...

“oh?” ah, there he was. “morning, dear (name)!” the kabukimono exclaimed with such infectious delight, a bowl of chazuke in hand while the other held a cup of what you presumed to be water.

albeit faint due to the tiredness painting your face, a smile crept up to your lips at the endearment and at the sight of him. sitting up with a soft yawn. “good morning to you too, love.” you reciprocated the gesture, and his expression couldn't get any brighter.

—

the two of you are currently making lunch, what exactly? you don't know. but whatever dish you manage to make will stick. lavender melon was the main ingredient, and much to your dismay, the quantity he added wasn't enough.

“dear (name),” he called out, you could almost hear a hint of apology in his tone as you too were occupied with the side dish. you turn your attention to him with a smile, “yes kabu, what is it?”

hearing you speak in that ever familiar soft tone reassured him a bit. “can you give me that lavender melon?” he spoke with a finger pointed towards your left side. you nod and comply, passing him said melon and abandoning your dish to help him with his.

—

a soft and content smile tugged at his lips as he listened to the soothing sound of your steady heartbeat, arms loosely wrapped around one another as you hum a quiet tune, your fingers gently combing through his hair.

for a moment, his mind traveled back to when you taught him about taking naps, his smile widening ever so slightly as the familiarity of this moment strikes a cord within him. a common occurrence really, but he'll never get tired of the warmth that washes over his hollow chest, sinking deeper into that foreign yet familiar warmth.

the last thing the puppet hears from you is a softly murmured "sweet dreams, love." but before his sleepiness got the better of him, he gently squeezed you in his embrace whilst whispering; “good night, dear (name)...”

just a short thingy. it's actually bedtime as i am writing this ( way past it actually lmao ) so apologies for how brief it is and possibly not as well written as i hoped it would.

that aside plus all and all, he adores addressing you by that endearment of his. his voice laced with nothing but boundless love for you <3

— signed, ayame.

( my asks are always so lengthy .. oops )

OH MY GOSH I LOVE THISSSSS 😭😭😭 I feel like Kabukimono uses it when you're sad too :( Because when he says it, his deep love for you is also so intensely conveyed even though it's only two simple words, it's bound to make you smile again even if it's just a little bit because he just loves you so much. (Also makes me wonder, if you two are having a disagreement or something, would pulling out the "dear [name]" make you fold? 😭) (And the veil?? i needed to admit this but i love the veil part of his outfit so much 🥺 imagine cuddling under the veil especially when it's raining and he's trying his best to keep you dry 🥺)

I love how you showed Kabukimono using the endearment at all times of the day... i think it just tends to slip out of him unconsciously far too many times but he just rolls with it!! Sometimes he doesn't even need to think about being romantic!! I don't even know what to add IT'S ALREADY SO CUTE. (I have the hc that when Kabukimono first started cooking for you he literally tried so hard, when you were out of the house he spent all day in there and when you came back he had to keep you out because it was A MESS in there ("o-oh, dear [name], why don't you go take a bath?? don't worry about me! i'll make dinner!" <- said after he tried multiple times to get the flavors to your exact likings)

STOP IT WAS AMAZINGLY WRITTEN... i love the way you write him 💗💗 I'M GONNA BE REREADING THIS!! And I'm horrifically guilty of staying up late too but go to sleep earlier okay! Or else Kuni will drag you to sleep instead >:(

[subskz]

“i promise to treat yr boy with plenty of care”

⚠️ BB4 SPOILERS

literally dizzy from crying as i write this HJSHDS but WE MOVE!!! missus rin yr a sick and twisted individual like actually diabolical bcuz why the fawk would you do this 2 me. channie my fucking baby…. i get y/n i understand ha trust nd believe but like 🥹🥹🥹 every fucking line of that breakup scene beat my ass like ya girl was fighting for her life,,, ion think i told you enough how many amazing lines bb has but legit when i read it every 5 seconds i’m like DAM out fucken loud especially what chan was saying like when he tells y/n it doesn’t matter what’s good for him, when he said “i think this hurts more than anything else you could ever do to me”….. dawg.

this sentence is the one that got me and idk why

iseul got me FAWKED UP btw y/n better than me bcuz her ass woulda been BLOCKEDT after that phonecall 🤣 nd when channie called himself a good boy…….yeah it’s fucking over for me. thx for ruining my life with this masterpiece fr yr really something else like it’s crazy how talented you are. ilysm queenie nd a bitch gone be praying that the next chapter won’t beat my ass like this one 🫶🏽

HELP ME LMFAOO 😭😭😭 i am innocent!! the reader is treating channie w plenty of care after all…too much care even…it just so happens that he doesn’t know how to accept it so it loops right back around into hurting him -_-;

dizzy from crying NOOO oh my god i’m so sorry babe ㅠㅠ i honestly had no idea how bb4 was gonna be received so needless to say i’m a bit floored by your reaction (in the best way!!) i do apologize that it caused some tears though, i hope you’re feeling better now after the mess of emotions in that chapter ^^; i can’t lie i was in the word doc fighting for my life too, channie and the reader’s breakup scene was definitely one of the most time-consuming to write i really decided to write 34k words of nothing but emotions knowing full well it isn’t my strong suit 😭 but it feels so fulfilling to me that you felt everything i hoped to convey and that you took notice of so many lines, thank u so much for being invested enough to do so <3

that sentence!! i’m so glad u liked it (or perhaps didnt like it LMAO) i did make myself a bit sad thinking abt it, how bb channie tries to beat everyone to the punch by mistreating himself in anticipation of them doing the same ㅠ and you have every right to dislike iseul HAHA she is definitely not in the running for friend of the year…but at least now the reader is being more open w her and they can both grow!

channie calling himself a good boy in such a vulnerable headspace was a bit of a cruel addition but i couldn’t help myself 💔 i owe u an apology for that one too hehe. thank you again for always taking the time to give such detailed feedback and showing me such kindness! i appreciate every msg u send and i really hope you’ll enjoy the final part! ily right back angel ^_^

[ode2rin]

ISAGI DEBUT, ISAGI DEBUT ON ODE2RIN! THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS ONES FOR THE ISAGI KISSERS (me).

isagi is the cutest in my opinion, he remains my lover no matter what other characters are introduced. everyone else is my side chick. but isagi definitely gives sun after the rain energy. you’ll fall on your face a few times and he’ll be there to help put you back. which is why him hanging out with people who’ve been stood up sounds like a canonical event in my mind. the small conversation about coffee, yeah he gonna do his best to engage someone. this plays well with his soft personality to the other boys of blue lock when he’s off field. that episode of additional time where barou, nagi, and chigiri realized how much they rely on isagi for help on basic tasks. yeah he’s got a good heart in my mind and is just a helpful guy who wants everyone to feel good.

MOVING ON, the descriptions in this piece? yeah mimi, i might need to live in your brain for a minute.

your descriptions of readers bad experiences with love hits home to all hopeless romantics who just get met with a wall of disappointment.

“and coming from someone who has been gravely hurt in the name of so-called love, it’s impossible not to wonder if such love even exists in this world or if it's merely a figment of your imagination born from those contemporary romance books you read on your lonely nights.”

yeah i’m in this, and i don’t know if i like it or i feel seen.

ALSO, how you describe isagi? im in your walls??

“it's an understatement, as a matter of fact. the guy before you is downright mesmerizing. if you could gaze at his face for more than two seconds without being called weird, you could map the entirety of how blessed this man’s face is — the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he speaks, the subtle strength in his jawline, and the way his hair falls in a perfectly disheveled manner”

AND

“amidst the lively exchange, you catch glimpses of isagi's gentle nature, his ability to make you feel at ease, and his genuine curiosity about your thoughts and experiences. it's a refreshing change from the superficial interactions you've had in the past, and you're left wondering if the man in front of you is even real.”

delicious, delectable, i love him desperately. i don’t know if anyone has mentioned this but your writing has definitely made large amounts of improvement in the short time you’ve been active. it’s honestly fun to see you become more detailed in descriptions and conveying deep insights about the reader through words. in a post you mentioned that in something you were writing that the reader was feeling to similar to you and i’m going to guess that this one might be the one in particular due to how vivid you describe their feelings and thoughts. i’ve been reading your posts since sometime in may and i absolutely adore anything you write or post. so i will fight all your mean and nasty anons for you! we will box them deadass!

have a great day mimi! xoxoxoxoxoxo (extra today)

(🏹 anon)

sorry for the extra long wall of text, i hope this reaches you well! i gave myself an emoji i hope it’s not taken yet. love you mimi, mwah!

[sorry this took a while i was really like this 🥺 the whole time i was reading thru it ]

you don't know how much this means to me. i often joke about not needing any attention for my writing because i write for myself and for my silly pookies. but at the end of the day, i am still a human sitting through hours of pouring my heart out and translating my thoughts into words. and as much as one might try to deny it, knowing that someone enjoyed the piece of writing i put out here can really make a difference, especially when you're someone who receives 'flop' in your asks like me lmao (enough negativity, shoo shoo shoo!). i love hearing your thoughts, 🏹 anon (ps. i actually call you paragraph anon in my mind XD). 

no, but you're so right about isagi giving off 'sun after the rain' energy. if you haven't seen it, i actually mentioned in a previous ask how isagi is the guy who comes after heartbreaks (if you want to read it, here!). i wanted to portray him as someone who naturally exudes comfort in his presence, to the point where you can't help but lower your guard and let him in, if that makes any sense. that's just the vibe i got from him, especially in the first few episodes when chigiri was struggling to free himself.

you wouldn't want to live in my mind, even for a minute, i assure you 😭 and not at you pulling out these sentences jsaksklajs

i'm glad to know that my intention in writing the reader's background has reached the right audience. i was contemplating the direction i took with how i wrote the reader's experiences. i wondered if it would still be relatable or if i made them a bit too sappy (which i did, but it was for the plot T^T). and yes, you're right!! i was referring to this fic when i said that the reader is a little bit too 'me' XD. and now, reading your thoughts, i guess it's you and me hehe. don't worry, if you feel seen by the reader, i'm happy to let you know that i was attacked (and it kind of felt like i was oversharing as a writer, by the way T^T).

“i don't know if anyone has mentioned this, but your writing has definitely shown significant improvement in the short time you've been active” stop ✋🏻 you're making me cry ✋🏻 as someone who goes into hiding after posting because she doesn't have a good relationship with her works, this means so much to me, you don't understand :( i'm actually trying to focus more on writing the reader better. my past works were heavy on the characters' thoughts because i wanted to characterize them properly (i hope i did, oh my god), but in “just maybe”, i wanted to try writing solely from the reader's point of view.

thank you so much, anon! i'll be printing this out, and it will replace my awards on our walls.

i hope you're well and having the time of your life! love you lots <3

(don't worry, the emoji is not taken hehe. i'll go and search for your other asks to tag them properly so i can come back to it 🫵🏻)

[halcyone-of-the-sea]

How do you name a story your working on?

Like mine is MW2 AU with a bunch of different parts. The problem is that each part is like a different aesthetic.

Hey! This question actually got me thinking about how I manage to title things, lol, but I think I have a good enough answer. Let's use my Cult of Vagabonds series as an example since you're making a series/group of fics as well.

Well, to begin, I came up with the overarching title by thinking over what the plot would even be about - I find it's important to lay out themes and a few turning points before you start writing.

Cult of Vagabonds is about: Grief, anger, loyalty, but above all it's about loneliness and a sense of separation/displacement.

Thinking over those words I got to thinking about a way that would describe that - 'vagabonds' means "a person who wanders from place to place without a home or job." The part that really stood out to me was 'wanders' and I knew the Reader would be doing quite a lot of that not only in the literal sense but metaphorically as well.

So, I used that for the latter half of the title. As you can probably already tell there's a lot of research that goes into my naming of titles, lol. Really it's a lot of identifying themes. What is the core of the story about? What word fits with that? How can you convey that theme effectively in a few descriptive words?

From then I looked at the inner conflict that affects not only the Reader but Gaz as well. Both have their reservations about key points in the story: Reader, the presence of Gaz as a whole, and Gaz, the situation he's been put into without his team. Both are displaced/feeling separated. Thus, a small group of individuals - Cult.

The Cult in Cult of Vagabonds is a bit looser than Vagabonds, but the other definition of the word I chose to use was "...a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing."

Entirely, the title means 'A misplaced admiration for being separated' - the earlier bit is more directed to the Reader's own struggles, but, I think you get the point, lmao.

Overall for titles, I look at the core points of what I'm writing and it can take a while to figure that out. I usually leave titles for last because after I'm done writing and jump back for editing I can pick up on hidden plot points pretty well. I think that could help you out a lot!

You can look back at the aesthetic of your fics and draw feelings from them - name those feelings and you can sometimes even use that!

For my Soap Fic - Right Person, - I knew that the MC was going to die from the beginning. I also knew that if she hadn't kicked the bucket she and Soap would have gotten together. It was what people call a 'right person, wrong time' situation and I only understood that as I re-read it. From then I made that the official title and made revisions.

It's okay to put a placeholder title as well - just what you're trying to push across before you start writing. You can always change it when you finish and I find that can help when you're really pushing for a particular theme/feeling right off the bat.

Like, I could come up with, let's say, His Dancing Phantom, and I already have a feeling that something is going to go wrong in the fic since the name is essentially, 'his dancing ghost.'

My titles usually hold descriptive words, if that helps you too. Reveries, gossamer, wistful, laughing, overflow, etc.

Looking up a list of descriptive words or synonyms of something you want to convey works for me, so maybe it'll work for you too!

I really hope this helped, Love, and if you have any other questions I'd be happy to answer!

[fickleminder]

In response to your post about your writing...

Forgive the essay, but you're one of the best writers I've seen on this platform. My favorite is probably "the years start coming and they don't stop coming"; it never gets old. I also LOVE "The Sphynx" and "Dirty Pop(sicles)" (but that last one... lmao).

I think the way you write is typically clear, concise, and interesting. You do a good job at varying sentence length and structure, and you use a wide range of vocab to avoid repetition. These things also give the MC a relatable personality and convey their emotions in a subtle way (not to mention the fact that they can be downright hilarious). "Actions speak louder than words" is always a hallmark of good writing, and I'd say you nail that most of the time.

One thing about fanfiction is that you don't have many opportunities to describe things without relaying something your reader already knows. But this is arguably good practice; in general you don't want to stop time to give a full description of an environment unless the character is in awe and observing it all in detail themselves (even then, keep it brief).

Personally, I like your character- and plot-centric approach; truthfully, the details of the setting and what someone's wearing aren't important to the reader... unless, of course, they are.

Some might disapprove of your "abrupt" transitions, but I think it works really well for you. The way you introduce the next part usually makes it easy to pick up and avoids being repetitive, so I don't see it as a problem (quite the opposite, actually).

In short, you do a great job! Do you write/plan on writing formally at all, or is it just a hobby for you?

I had to lie down and reboot my brain a few times before even thinking about how to reply this. This is such a motivating thing to read first thing in the morning, holy shit.

Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m going to print this essay and hang it on my wall.

I feel like I struggle with “show don’t tell” a lot, which leads to the balancing act between elaborating/describing and not over-explaining/stating the obvious. I’ve written plots too vaguely before, and I always have to remind myself that plot twists readers can see coming (or at least don’t come completely out of nowhere) are actually a good thing 😅

I’ll keep your encouragement in mind Anon! And to answer your question, writing’s just a hobby for me. It’s something I want to keep absolutely stress-free, so I don’t do those “write x words a day” stuff or monthly challenges. Kudos to the writers who do though, I have mad respect for them 🫡

I can’t say this enough, but thank you again. I’ll let you in on something: I’m actually in the middle of commissioning an artist for an illustration of a scene in The Sphinx. Since you enjoyed that piece (I had a lot of fun writing it too even though xOC fics generally aren’t popular), I hope you’ll look forward to it when it’s finally done.

Have a great rest of the week Anon 💕💕💕💕

[sarah-sandwich]

aaa i've been dying waiting for lemon boy to be complete so i can read it all at once and i just spent the last day binging it and im!!!!!! there arent even enough words to convey how much i loved it!!!!!! how do you write them so amazingly every time??? (i think i might be going back and re-reading all your other fics this week so like hm expect other asks like this)

also! abbie and morgan!!!!!! theyre my absolute favorites i love them both so much i would go to war for them howwwwww do you write them so welllllll???? i never even looked twice at their characters before finding your works but dude you make them such unforgettable people that i kahsksvsmsvsks dunno how to act anymore

i aspire to one day write so well to invoke the same emotions im feeling rn in other people, youre lowkey my role model (and also my fav blog that im following on here i like every single post you reblog such great taste mmm chefs kiss) <333

This is the sweetest most validating thing I'm 😭😭😭😭😭

I hope you don't mind I had to sit on it for a couple days bc every time I opened it I was overrun by the warmest of fuzzies and needed to go walk them off lmao

I just !!!!! Thank you so much! This is everything 💖🤧

Abbie is so special to me <333 The first time I had to write her I was like,,,,,,and who the hell is this? I just needed Harley to have a sister and didn't really care much beyond wanting them to have a solid but playful relationship. Then I started actually writing her and just 😍 I can't write a Harley fic without her now lmao I feel like she grows a little bigger, a little better defined with every fic I write.

Thank you again! This made my week!

[chaotiktik]

Posting this for accountability to myself HEHE will keep adding to this until I finish writing all my thoughts down hehe yay me

--

Writing about Collen is not easy. I get so many words jumbled because my brain is not just wired right anymore. It's so hard to write, for fuck's sake, everyone who writes knows that.

And for all the feelings involved in this, I don't think there are enough words to convey how I truly feel. But we'll try today.

We fought a whole lot the last week and personally, it was a particularly hard battle to go through. I even wrecked my phone last Thursday night, so that made it impossible for me to recover faster. The phone was valuable to me as it contained my whole relationship with Collen. Granted I backed up some of the online files and other photos/videos, but most of the screenshots and screen recordings and other photos I hold dear are still in the internal memory - I was devastated to say the least.

-- Friday

But Friday came and though I wanted to get my phone fixed and my dogs groomed, my resolve was that I had to see Collen because honestly, at this point, that's the only thing that will probably help with my mental wellness. So I went to the office where she was working overtime.

Goddamn, I felt so guilty for not being okay because she was extra sweet. She was trying her best to keep me afloat (and even fed huhu) despite how busy she was. There are a lot of days like that now that I don't feel like I have a hold on myself anymore but she keeps me sane as best she can given our circumstances.

We even went out that night with a friend, but I loved that small adventure I had with her. I feel bad sometimes that I'm not rich or capable enough that we commute when coming home to our place, but I'm thankful she goes to these adventures with me too.

Friday was amazing, I felt like a huge chunk of what I was bringing left me. Collen is wonderful, she tries her darndest, and I love that so much about her. I am a fucking pain in the ass most days, and she still keeps up with me, I don't know how she does it.

-- Saturday

I'm thankful I got to spend the night with her. I've spent a whole lot of nights with her the last two months. I've been over at their place the last I don't know how many weeks now and though I've loved spending time with her at their place and bonding with her family, this is the only time for a long time, Vietnam excluded, that we have had private moments alone.

It's been the same routine every time she sleeps over - it's a struggle to wake her up what more a little early lmao. Granted we have sponty plans for the day to watch UAAP basketball games at the MOA Arena, so it was a must that I wake her up earlier than planned. But I loved this weird routine I have with her, it's the loud yet comfortable silence with a few random conversations in between that I really enjoy.

On to lunch, and I don't think I have ever felt this with anyone else - that swelling of happiness I feel whenever I see her talk to my parents about anything and everything. I've always been really talkative and I guess I get that from both my parents, so seeing her entertain all that talk without skipping a beat is just touching for me. We almost didn't make it out the house since both of them were really just not out of stories to tell her.

After our brief lunch with the parents, we had to commute to the Arena in my hopes of making it at least halfway through the UST game. I was so guilty since I didn't manage our time well and of course we were gonna be late already, but she was just pushing through the commute with me, even if she was already tired and commute-sweaty and a bit sleepy since I forgot to offer her coffee at home (as a non-coffee enthusiast, I MUST remember this na talaga!!!). We got to the Arena - and man the suite! a must to experience really - at least halfway through the game which UST lost, but it was a fun game to watch. We stayed there for another game during which I had fun just randomly conversing and making fun of other people and being all serious and cheering with her. I have always enjoyed any time I spend with her, but just being/feeling young again with little worries in the world makes it a tad better.

Our adventure didn't stop there for we had another commute back to Trinoma to catch a movie - A Very Good Girl! a must-watch, honestly! Kathryn is a fucking revelation. I have been badgering her to watch this on a movie date since the teaser trailer came out, and I honestly already forgot because of how long it's been, but she remembered and asked me out to watch after the game; extremely touched she did as I already let go of the idea. Anyway, we did commute back to Quezon City - during which a pervert on the train kept looking at her and that made me really pissed hay fucking perverts talaga! - and rushed through our ~sponsored~ dinner date just to be able to catch the film. I enjoyed that sponty date with her, even when it was such a hassle commuting everywhere and just trying to make time.

Truthfully, I enjoy any time I get to spend time with her especially when we go on dates outside. Much as all of our house dates are really fun, going out with her feels like a quick refresh on everything that's been happening within our relationship and our individual lives as well. Collen is such a bright ball of sunshine and I could honestly use that a lot more these days. Most days I feel like just being with her heals my inner child and helps with some of my adult traumas somehow and I'm so thankful I have her.

-- Sunday

Sunday was a reset of sorts. We had the whole day to ourselves and we just spent it being together - talking, having fun, resting, watching, spending some time with my parents and the dogs. As usual, we got up a little too late and spent too much couple time in my room alone that my dad teased us once we got downstairs that it's already too late that we're having breakfast, lunch, and dinner in just one meal. She was also so excited to make her own coffee that day, even watched so many videos on Youtube just to perfect it.

Gonna add to this some moreeee

-- Monday