#I TECHNICALLY MISSED IT BUT ITS OK GUYS.

[vampireofsorrow]

a gabriel for ultratober day 3

[dizzybizz]

some doodles

[stinkrascal]

that counts as posting straud even though its still bg3 content but like it totally counts okay. so anon dont yell at me

[bag0fsnakes]

that new rose gold hero looks so familiar but I can't figure out why

[izzibeeb]

want to post OC pride art but I Am Nervous

[mayspicer]

Ok, the boss is no more! There were some super stressful moments but surprisingly we all survived o:

My animal companion got hit with disintegrate, but we had hero points to make him avoid it. I would cry actually, because disintegrate means no resurrection x_x

The war is prevented! At least this one, because Cayden's party is right at the center of a much bigger one just starting. Today we saved the country. Cayden is trying to not even save the whole world, just maybe slow the whole thing down and save as much people as possible...

[arolesbianism]

Ohhh baby we're so back new stamper kit hell yeah

[mrfoox]

Everytime I realize how.... Chill... My mom is im... Im torn between thinking it's the best and not /:

[f1rodrigo]

the mclaren boy mystery | part two

l. norris / o. piastri

summary: in which your boyfriend is a formula one driver for team mclaren and when you finally decide it's time to start hinting to the world, the internet is confused on exactly which driver is your boyfriend. pairing: social media au || lando norris / oscar piastri x reader fc: jazmyn makenna a/n: sorry this took a little longer than i expected! it was so fun to make though. i didn't want to say who she's actually with because i feel like it's fun for the readers to have to figure that out too! so please share any guesses you have lol i'm interested to see what people think the outcome will be. hope you enjoy and thank you sm for reading<3

part one | sweet relief series | valentine's day drabble

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liked by yourbrother, maxverstappen1, and 101,225 others

yourusername happy birthday to my favorite brother, i love you and am so grateful to know i have someone in my life who looks after me like you do<3 here's my fav pics of us of course they're all racing related lol, our first love

view all 982 comments

yourbrother "my favorite brother"... As far as I know I am your only brother 😐

⤷ yourusername 🥱🥱🥱🥱 technicalities

yourbrother Thank you least favorite sister, miss those days. Have to get back out on the karting track, been too long since I've beaten you

⤷ yourusername been too long since you've been beaten, you mean?

⤷ yourbrother Yeah, yeah we'll let the track times speak for themselves

⤷ user1 ok but we have to admit the brother sister banter is kind of adorable

⤷ user2 no bc she seems so sweet 😭

user3 nah because what is max verstappen doing in this girls likes now????

⤷ user4 and the plot thickens 😯

user5 she saw everyone calling her a fake f1 fan and said take a look at this

user6 yn hater club how you guys feeling right about now

⤷ user7 🤡🤡🤡🤡

user8 honestly kind of hope she's dating one of them

⤷ user9 yall switch up so fast please 😭😭

user10 seriously..... you HAD to only post f1 related photos lmfao so totally pandering to the landoscar fans

user11 f1 school of wags next graduate

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liked by mclaren, yourusername, and 1,891,218 others

landonorris DOUBLE PODIUM!!!!!!!! couldn't have asked for a better race, congrats @/oscarpiastri and a huge thanks as always to @/mclaren 🧡

view all 5,871 comments

user1 I SAY THATS MY BABY AND IM SO PROUD 😭

user2 mclaren double podium... oh i used to pray for times like these

user3 oscar piastri you are insane omfg

user4 MY POOKIES LOOK AT THEM !!!!!!!!! 🫂

user5 save me landoscar SAVE ME

yourusername jumping up and down screaming and crying losing my mind

⤷ landonorris you should probably get that checked out....

⤷ user6 THATS IT, ITS YN AND LANDO IM CALLING IT

⤷ user7 nah nah nah this is so giving gf of the bestie banter

⤷ user8 agreed hopping on the oscaryn train 💪🏻

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yourusername added to their story

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oscarpiastri added to their story

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liked by kellypiquet, oscarpiastri, and 789,012 others

yourusername qatar gp smiles <3 practice timeeee

📸 @/kellypiquet

view all 1,281 comments

kellypiquet so beautiful

⤷ yourusername all you

landonorris eye spy a mclaren car down there?

⤷ yourusername ? i just see a tractor

⤷ landonorris not funny. 😐

⤷ yourusername i certainly laughed

⤷ oscarpiastri same actually

⤷ user1 i dont know how much longer i can take this

⤷ user2 GUYSSSS i am telling you its so oscaryn

⤷ user3 WHAT literally look at the Proof its so landoyn 🥱

⤷ user4 i am giggling we're literally in a shipwar

user5 she's so pretty i'm sorry guys i love her 😵‍💫

⤷ user6 well yes!

user7 patiently waiting for one of the mcl boys to main feed post her then we know for sure ‼️

⤷ user8 at this rate it still won't clear anything up

lilymhe miss u beautiful

⤷ yourusername omg i miss u more ms lily

⤷ user9 she has The wag stamp of approval WE MOVE!

user10 theres four e's at the end of 'time'....... landos number is 4 i've got it guys 😃😃

⤷ user11 seek medical attention STAT

⤷ user12 bro thinks this is a taylor swift album release

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liked by mclaren, landonorris, and 789,012 others

yourusername oscar piastri sprint race winner AND mclaren double podium, better start calling me the good luck charm

view all 1,281 comments

user1 nah bc you're onto something.....

user2 she can't be serious 😐

⤷ user3 well no shit it's just an instagram caption

user4 i cannot be the only one who finds the caption extremely weird

⤷ user5 nah i'm with you i've never liked her 🙄

⤷ user6 its just so odd like forcing yourself into the mclaren narrative completely taking away from the boys achievements writing it off as your own doing...

⤷ user7 omfg yall are so dramatic just say you're jealous they're not dating you lmfao

⤷ user8 no fr because it is not that serious it's clearly a joke like she loves them cmon now

mclaren BRB getting your paddock passes for the duration of the season

⤷ yourusername i'm giggling, i love you guys 😙

⤷ user9 see mclaren is fine with it so yall should be too

⤷ user10 now i'm going to need all the haters to sit DOWN and shut the fuck UP

oscarpiastri wait can you send me that picture

⤷ yourusername i literally did already but okay

⤷ oscarpiastri ok could do with less attitude

⤷ yourusername you have not seen real attitude piastri

⤷ oscarpiastri 😧

⤷ user11 i think this just converted me to team oscar

⤷ user12 nah this is literally landoyn confirmation

landonorris 🍀

⤷ user13 i am picking up what he's putting down

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part one | sweet relief series | valentine's day drabble

taglist:

@landoscar-f1 , @urfavnoirette , @imsiriuslyreal

[jellitchi]

vat7k designs in my head...

i thought their canon designs were a eensy weensy bit Unpolished so i made these mostly for myself. erm if u rly want it i think varian is 19 here, hugo 19, nuru 18, yong 12.

i also made rhem all playlists and had to draw them a cover so thats what the last img is I linked each of em under my notes for all of em... Under the cut is Like a Huge Infodump of notes i have for each chara,,,,,,

i kept varians design basically the same, i dislike the design w the orange neck thing so i just Nuked it😭... Here's Varians playlist

Hugos design i just wanted to put him in something more Loose. hes a thief, a professional escape artist. i dont think wearing clunky metal is ideal for him. i also gave him a prosthetic arm (blond w no arm design trope!) but u cant see it in the ref so i added another drawing of him in his under layering👍 i vaguely referenced russian(?) clothes for him as well... Yeah not too much changed w him i just tried to make him slippery-er. Here's Hugo's playlist

yong came relatively easy to me, if it wasn't obvious i did rip gaming from g*nshin's hoodie. i thought the lion hood was Adorable and freaking perfect for what i had in mind for hos character. since the og notes said the fire kingdom is loosely Chinese inspired i basically just kept that. i mashed tgt a buncha diff dynasties though sorry for how inconsistent i was... i think he looks Okay. anyways i changed yongs role a bit, ill explain why im adjusting some of their roles later but i kept yong as the Jinx Type character. hes the eldest in his family and has a buncha younger siblings, hes a lion dancer and does performances w his family/siblings. he rly like special effects n keeps tryna incorporate his fireworks into their performances (it flops and he has to sew up the dmg) ill explain more of yongs role in another post maybe shrugs... Here's Yong's Playlist

miss nuru was a bit of a struggle for me i might share my full design process with her coz i did a Bunch of mockups for her😭😭😭... i didnt have a specific country of reference for her but i chose to make her vaguely south asian inspired. i also really wanted to keep the sheer fabric w the star / constellation map. i love that idea its so cute so shes still technically the navigator. but she also wields a sword too, fencing or whatever. (her and varian r Huge Cass fangirls which is probably why she started tryna use a sword (snuck out to watch cass compete) Okay ill talk abt this later) in my head, okay ill Probably make a whole nother post talking abt how im interpreting/writing each chara, but in my head i think nuru is the youngest and her kingdom's archivist. shes mostly in charge of like Her kingdoms history / artifacts / etc. ok im getting too side tracked ill save the lore dump for later but thats Nurus role in the party. Here's Nuru's Playlist

uhm below i made their character stats mostly to help me with planning / role developing. the yellow is their base stats the color behind is their end stats i guess. i was gonna explain my reasoning for their stats but ermm this post is kinda Really long so sorry😭... varian max int for obvious reasons, also max charisma just coz i feel like u kinda learn a thing or two being around a couple manipulators and spending time in jail idk shrugs... (also lets not forget the "ud b surprised what ppl would do for a cookie!") Hugo slippery guy, if a brick is thrown at him as hes running hes gonna try n run faster to shatter it, his mindset is Run Run Run! i think hes relatively agile too but yeah mostly a Speedster. i think he n varian got no Physical strength varian maybe just like A little coz Farm boy but I rly doubt quirin is making him do a Lotta heavy lifting. yong has incredible stamina and agility because hed a performer. nuru is the strongest coz this team would literally Flop without a proper Offense😭... i think varian n hugo r able to outwit plenty of their opponents but i think nuru is pretty good in a fight, same w yong. Yeah Okay Sorry for a Long Long Post thanks hope u guys enjoy

[novastarrs]

I Can Explain|| Clarisse La Rue

Paring: Clarisse La Rue x Demeter’s Daughter Reader

Summary: You find a bear cub while walking in the woods and bring him back to your cabin.

REQUEST ARE OPEN

——

Nature has always been your favorite thing in the world. No matter if it was plants or animals, you were attracted to it and they were attracted to you. When you were six your father walked down stairs after hearing rustling in the kitchen, assuming it was just you trying to get a snack.

Imagine his surprise when he found raccoons in the kitchen with you petting them like they were dogs. As you got older it made more sense on why you loved nature because your mother was Demeter meaning animals adored you to death and your couldn’t say no to them.

This is the reason you found yourself in a sticky situation.

While walking in the woods you ran into a baby bear and couldn’t find its mother and you couldn’t just leave the little guy so you know what you did?

You scooped him up and ran to your cabin, how did no one notice a little fuzzy bear in your arms? You had no clue but you weren’t complaining.

Once you reached your cabin you locked the door and when your girlfriend tried to open it, you panicked.

You knew for a fact Clarisse wasn’t going to rat you out to Chiron or Mr. D because she loved you way too much for that but she’s already given you a talk about taking in animals after the flying squirrel incident.

Naturally you did what felt like the best solution…you threw a blanket over your new friend and ran out the door and quickly closed it before Clarisse could see inside and your temporary roommate.

A surprised look formed on her face but as quickly as it appeared it was gone as she smiled at you. Not a cocky smirk like she normally gave people to keep up her bad girl persona but a real smile that was reserved only for you.

“Hey, buttercup.” She said walking over to you and pressing a quick kiss on your lips, looking at you with so much adoration that you basically melted.

She never failed to make you feel shy under her gaze.

“Hi.” You said shyly, leaning your back against the door and holding onto the handle tightly.

Clarisse was the daughter of Ares and the children of said man noticed everything and she definitely noticed the nervous look on your face and the way you were gripping the door knob.

“Are you ok?” Clarisse asked crossing her arms with a raised eyebrow and you had to stop yourself from looking at the way her muscles flexed as she moved.

“Yeah, I’m great!” You said immediately, looking at her with big doe eyes and an awkward smile.

She knew you were lying but she didn’t push you for answers, knowing you would come to her when you were ready to her what’s on your mind.

“Anyways can I come in? I want to tell you about the new kid.” Clarisse tried to reach behind you to open the door but you shook your head.

“NO!” You shouted surprising both of you since you never raised your voice, clearing your throat you continued. “Uhm, my cabin is super messy. Let’s go to your cabin instead.”

Without waiting for her to respond you tried to usher her down the steps of the balcony when a crash came from inside your cabin and Clarisse didn’t miss the way you tensed up or how you avoided looking her in the eye.

“(Y/N), who’s in your cabin?” She slowly asked, grip tightening around her spear that she carried everywhere and you had to stop yourself from snorting at the accusation it was a person.

“No one.” You replied just as another crash came from the room.

Technically you weren’t lying, a person wasn’t in your cabin but an animal most definitely was.

Rolling her eyes, Clarisse moved you aside gently and barged into the room. Her spear glowing with electricity ready to fry the person her girlfriend was trying to hide.

You quickly followed her and your jaw dropped at the sight of your decapitated stuffed animal that was in the jaw’s of your new friend who was currently messing with the stuffing that was carelessly floating in the air and covering the floor.

Clarisse just stared at the sight in front of her for a moment before she slowly turned her head and raised an eyebrow at you but you just smiled.

“I can explain…”

[skythealmighty]

why am i just now finding out about thisisnotawebsitedotcom i feel a little stupid.. then again i dont have the Book of Bill so maybe im lucky to know about it ???

#rocket talk #gravity falls #miss this show. anyway twink cipher fuckign jumpscared me

(3 notes)

👓 the-nerdiest-glasses Follow

Why Flatland counts as an object show: an essay

Keep reading

🔧 warp-pipe-sfx Follow

Why Flatland does NOT count as an object show: a rebuttal

Keep reading

⛓️ chainsaw-massacres Follow

why flatland isnt an object show: its a book + movie you assholes

#this argument is fucking stupid its just flatland

(3,821 notes)

🔘 join-my-evil-polycule-deactivated08142020 asked: Im going to tear apart your circuitboard until its broken irreparably

🌈 super-rainbow-epic-computer Follow

lol ok have fun w that 👍

also do u know any recipes for roasted pumpkin seeds the internets failing me rn and im cooking a big dinner for me and my bf

🔘 join-my-evil-polycule-deactivated08142020

Oh yeah sure https://www.jessicagavin.com/how-to-roast-pumpkin-seeds/#wprm-recipe-container-35845

🔘 join-my-evil-polycule-deactivated08142020

Wait why am I telling you this go die I hate you

🌈 super-rainbow-epic-computer Follow

thx for the help!

☝i-date-iconic-posts Follow

Date of origin: November 3rd, 2021

(216,025 notes)

❌ mephonex-deletes-your-favs Follow

~~Welcome to MePhoneX deletes your favs!!~~

I'm mod Xav (the only mod rn - -"), here to cause trauma to your favorite characters :)! PLEASE keep in mind that submissions will take a while to get to, because I have to photoshop out the limbs + background or even completely recreate someone's object if they're transparent!

The background flag is in the header and the X (recreated from an image of MePhoneX) I overlay on top is the profile picture if you want to make your own :) just @ this blog and I'll reblog it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~❌~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RULES ABOUT SUBMISSIONS:

NO INANIMATE INSANITY CONTESTANTS. I would like to avoid Apollo's Dodgeball thanks (plus it's insensitive)

No algebralien or algebralien-adjacent characters! I love those guys too I get it but I honestly don't have a good method of 'deleting' them planned. Feel free to do it on your own time though!

If someone asks me to take down a submission with them in it I will do it without questions. This is for a variety of reasons, but I think you get it.

Alright, that's it! Have fun :)

#not xed out #mod xav #pinned post #your fav is #your fave is #mephone #mephonex #inanimate insanity #ii2 finale

(681 notes)

📁 sticky-note-hit-post Follow

has anyone else wondered why this spaghetti code webbed site can connect across DIFFERENT UNIVERSES??? or is that just me

(2,416 notes)

🦀 thesamepictureofbaxtereveryday Follow

follow for the same picture of my crab every day!!!!! look at him :D

(3 notes)

anonymous asked: greeny how does it feel to be technically a higher being than most other people on the site

🟢 greenyguy Follow

sir this is a wendys

#i didnt order an existential crisis today :(

(37,102 notes)

🎤 screamintothemic Follow

todays liveblog!! B)

🎤 screamintothemic Follow

knife and suitcase made it to the finale!! hell yeah so proud of them

🎤 screamintothemic Follow

balloons talk with suitcase didnt go so well :/ i hope they can get some alone time without anyone else so they can like talk properly next time

🎤 screamintothemic Follow

mepad???

🎤 screamintothemic Follow

oh i think the finale challenge is happening

🎤 screamintothemic Follow

baseball looks worried but lightbulb's brushing him off :|

🎤 screamintothemic Follow

ojs backing away from paper??? wh

🎤 screamintothemic Follow

WHJDT THE FUCK

🎤 screamintothemic Follow

WAIT I HAVENT SEEN SOAP IN A WHILE WHERE IS SHE???

🎤 screamintothemic Follow

OH GOD

#mics ramblings #SOAP???!??

(11 notes)

anonymous asked: evil woman are so hot <3 i will do whatever you want queen

🌐 dr-who-could-never Follow

Awwww, this means a lot to me, anon! Could you find Film Reel for me and doxx him? That would be really helpful <3

#He's been evading me #It's really annoying #Hard to take over the world when I have to worry about him 🙄

(6 notes)

🥄 only-a-spoonful Follow

WHY DO I KEEP GETTING SENT ASKS ABOUT PREGNANCY?!

#I'M GOING TO QUIT TUMBLR AT THIS RATE.

(47,284 notes)

📗 journal-of-secrets Follow

if this fuckass hand keeps showing up at the edge of my vision i'm going to hit something

📗 journal-of-secrets Follow

#maybe hes in love with you

what the hell is wrong with you.

[angelyuji]

yandere superman headcanons

tw kidnapping, "nice" guys/incel behavior (kinda), isolation as punishment, manipulation, yandere stuff... the usual

yandere clark kent x gn!reader

diana prince is next guys I LOVE WOMEN!!! lemme know abt any tags i miss or just any other superman thoughts (yandere or not) cuz i love superman a lot

hes so big and buff and strong

hhnhsdngnnhnhnngnfhgnnngngn

sorry

ive been obsessed with superman and lois recently and i thought to myself “i need him so bad id do unspeakable things”

ALSOOOOOO have u guys seen the new superman??? ohmygodddd HELLOOO SAILOR

anyway here we go :)

sweetest kindest angel alive… at first glance

actual clark is genuinely the best sweetest guy in the world and i don’t think that would technically change but if anything he’d start buying into the incel/nice guy pills and that’s what would warp him

he’s literally sooo sweet to you (i cant get over how much a of cutie pie clark kent is)

ok pause lemme start from the beginning

when he first met you, he was e n a m o u r e d like he thinks youre the most beautiful person in the world type stuff

at first, the relationship is normal, you guys are friends, study buddies, coworkers, yk normal shit

he’s still super in love but hes kinda aware that its one-sided and he can’t make you like him

you guys are super close friends tho

but as his crush progresses, he starts to consult more than his friends and normal relationship advice, he starts to consult incel chatrooms and subreddits

he wants to go further than friendship with you, but all the guys in these chatrooms are telling him awful things abt u. for example:

‘hi! requesting help for getting out of the friendzone with my friend’ i’ve been friends with them for a long time, but i see them as more than a friend. ive had to watch as they date all these awful people and i just want them to see me more than a friend. any advice is appreciated!

– dude these ungrateful bitches are never gonna see u

– people like them never see the good guy until its too late

– u just gotta make them like u, nobody understands the nice guy until u make them

– all of these responses are so weird, just be normal and flirt a little!

ur stupid fuckign idiot nice guys don’t get a chance till u make them give u chance

women are so fucking stupid

reading all these “helpful” comments really warped his mindset

he went from innocent farm boy to incel misogynist becuz

they have to be right! like why else have u not given him the time of day as more than a friend

so soon, ur gonna notice these changes

he went from being supportive bestie to making snide comments, putting you down, making moves on you that you clearly don’t want

ur hurt, heartbroken, your friend became something unrecognizable

u’ll ask for some distance, just to think abt if u want to continue the friendship and clark will realize that he can’t make you like him from just this

so you’re gonna go home, take a nap, and next thing you know you’re getting snatched from bed by freaking superman

he genuinely believes he’s done the right thing

he’ll bring u to the fortress first. he has everything set up already, so u wont freeze or starve to death

i wont bore with the details but he would NEVER lay a hand on u

that’s NOT my superman

its more like

“i need you to eat something.” clark begs you, his eyes filled with worry. he had crouched down next to where you sat. clark had given you free-reign around his fortress, but you chose to sit in the corner near the entrance.

“fuck you.” you turn away from him, anger dripping from your voice. you haven’t eaten since he brought you to his ice castle, but you can’t remember how long ago that was. you missed home, your friends, your family. you missed freedom. you hear clark sigh.

“you’re gonna get sick if you keep going like this, (y/n).” his hand touches your face and you slap his hand away. you know there was no way you could hurt superman, but he holds his hand looking hurt, and you feel a twinge of guilt. he holds out a bag from Big Belly Burgers and places it next to you.

you scooch back, your back hitting the wall, not willing to back down. “i’ll eat if you let me go.” you feel like a child throwing a tantrum, but you would do anything to go home.

you see him rub his forehead in frustration, “this isn’t working.” he mutters to himself. you don’t say anything, wanting to see what he would do. instead of trying to fight you again, clark picks up the bag. “i’ll come back when you’re ready.” he says.

“come back? what are you talking ab-” in one blast of air, clark was gone and you were alone.

days had gone by, you felt like you were going crazy from the solitude and the hunger. thankfully, clark had left mountains of water bottles for you, so you tried to fill up with those. it wasn’t enough, you had started to miss your kidnapper’s company after many conversations with yourself. all you could do was sleep or stare at the wall, blankly. after a week, you couldn’t take the isolation. “clark?” you call out, weakly. not a moment passes before he appeared before you.

his eyes were filled with pity and worry, “are you ready, sweetheart?” his hands cup your face and you lean into the warmth, nodding.

he could never hurt you. that entire week away was killing him, but the commenters were right. you just needed to know that he was all you needed.

[its-time-to-write]

Thank you so much for the response to my request <3. the fic was better then I could have hoped!!!!

I have a new request (but feel free to focus on the story themes you were wanting to do!), I have been really wanting to see a Jamie fic where he takes care of sick reader. Could be period or illness (no preference) and Jamie has no idea how to help but tries his best. I think its a cute idea

Can't wait to read more of your fics!

Thank you so much for requesting!! Literally love when people ask me to write things. Also, apparently everyone loves a sickfic because my other one has the most notes of everything I’ve written. Anyway, here’s your fic!

there’s orange juice in the kitchen

You are not sure of much, but you know one thing: you’re in pain. It’s 2am, and you’ve gotten a grand total of two hours of sleep. You’ve given up on laying in your bed and have filled up your bath with hot water, bubbles, and bath salts. Lots of bath salts. Your abdomen feels like it’s shredding itself and you suppose, technically speaking, it is. You’re just relieved that tomorrow is the weekend and you don’t have to slog through a work day, white-knuckling these absolutely ripping period cramps. 

You don’t have regular periods like, ever, and your doctor’s concerned about your fertility. You remember waving it off with the statement, “That’s a problem for another day.” Thing is, that was just a cop-out. You didn’t want to think about it for a single second because then it would become real, and you make it a personal point never to complain about a period no matter how brutal it is because at least it’s something and never mind that your last one was four months ago, you’re ok. You have a good life and good people and you’re fine. 

It’s just the principle, you know? The desire of choice. 

The hormones don’t help either. 

But anyway, you’re in your tiny bath trying to soothe the pain you’re in, trying to make yourself tired enough to fall asleep once you get out. You breathe, in, out. In, out. 

You’re up till 6am when you finally doze off. 

—

You wake up in a sweaty haze. You’re in soft pants and a large t-shirt, on top of your sheets rather than in them. You reach for your phone then pull your legs in with a sharp gasp. You’re still in pain. 

It subsides so you reach again and check the time. 9:01. You groan. Three hours of dubious sleep is not enough. You have a missed text from Sam (remind me which brand of kitchenware you use?) two missed texts from Keeley (look at this absolutely adorable puppy! Attached: 1 Image), and a missed call from Jamie. 

Ah, right. Jamie. 

Your boyfriend. 

Who you were supposed to meet for breakfast exactly sixteen minutes ago. 

Shit. 

You call him back and he answers on the first ring. 

“Hey love!” he says. “You alright? Not like you to miss breakfast.”

You grimace. “I uh, I wasn’t feeling well last night and I haven’t slept very good. I forgot to text you. Didn’t fall asleep until 6.”

“A.M.?” Jamie asks and you reply to the affirmative. He lets out a long “shiiit,” followed by a, “how contagious are you?”

“For you? Not very,” you say. “For another girl, incredibly contagious, although some say that’s an old wive’s tale.”

Jamie is silent in confusion, then- “Ohh, I get it! You’re not sick-sick, you’re on your fucking period.”

You chuckle, despite remaining curled up on your side. 

“Yes,” you reply, “My fucking period. I feel nauseous and tired and I am bleeding so. Much. It’s like my body’s making up for the last four months of nothing.”

Jamie’s silent for a moment and you internally cringe, kicking yourself for over sharing. You haven’t been together that long, about a month and a half, and he doesn’t need to know that about you. He’s a famous footballer, after all, and a guy’s guy. Probably gets grossed out about periods and stuff. 

Then he says, “Can I come over? I’ll bring food,” and your worries almost completely evaporate. 

“As long as you don’t care about how disgusting I am or the fact that I hurt a lot, sure,” you say. “I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

—

Jamie’s at your flat in 40 minutes, which is fast considering how much food he walks in with. He’s brought a bag of Chinese takeout, plus two overflowing grocery bags. 

“This is for now, these are for later,” he explains. He’s in a pink sweatshirt with matching shorts and socks, and maybe it’s the damned hormones again but he looks hot. His hair is pushed back with a headband and you want him to fuck you. You don’t think you can convince him, though, what with the blood. And the fact that he’s Jamie fucking Tartt. And that he probably doesn’t do shit like that because it’s gross. 

Your brain whispers, but he’s here, isn’t he? so you just push that thought down to live with other scary ones like, I will never have kids, or I’m going to live with this pain for the rest of my life.

Jamie is oblivious to this, just pulling everything out of the bags and chattering on. He’s kicked off his trainers near the door, and he hasn’t made any comments about the fact that you’ve wrapped a blanket around your shoulders like a shroud, or that your hair is in the messiest bun in the history of the world. Not the sexy, reader-insert fan fiction type of messy bun, either. Just an I-did-not-get-anywhere-NEAR-enough-sleep-last-night messy bun. 

“-and me mum always drank orange juice, swore it helped with bloating or hydration or somethin’, I don’t really know, but I got some of that too and this tea that’s supposed to help with cramps, and also a shit-ton of chocolate because I didn’t know which kind was your favorite. I was thinking we can sit on the couch and watch a movie or play Animal Crossing or some shit while eating the takeout, then I can cook you a proper fucking meal later. Coach always says it’s important to have a balanced meal when you’re under the weather, and I think it applies to this too.” He stops when he notices you just looking at him. “You alright, babe?”

“Yeah, I just- why did you get all this?” you blurt out. 

For the first time since you’ve known him, Jamie looks unsure of himself. “I dunno. I mean, I do know. You didn’t sound great over the phone, and Keeley’s always telling me to fucking listen to other people, and me mum was always the same on her period so I used to get her the things she wanted all the time. And-” he takes a breath, “and I picked up on what you said. The fuckin’ four-months shit. That ain’t good babe. Even I know that. And, we haven’t been together that long, but I’m pretty fucking sure you know that too, and I wanted to let you know I’m sorry.”

You’re momentarily fixed on the way he says certain words. Keeleh. Sorreh. It’s sweet, for some reason, and it causes a dull ache in your chest. You realize what he’s actually said to you and that ache deepens. You’d kiss him if you weren’t sure your breath was gross. 

So instead, you settle for nodding and staring at your kitchen wall. That’s because option one is kissing and option two is crying. You can’t do either right now.

A traitor tear slips out your eye anyway, and you hope Jamie won’t see it. He does. 

“Hey, hey.” He comes around the counter and pulls you into a hug, blanket shroud, messy bun, and all. “Love. It’s alright. It’s alright. You’re not alone, and we’re going to go sit on the couch and eat as much food as we can and then pass out, alright? We’re not going to think about anything else except what’s right in fuckin’ front of us.”

“That was,” you sniff, “weirdly philosophical. And very sweet. And I’m sorry for being disgusting.”

Jamie pulls away from you, and you think this is the first time he’s realized how gross you are. 

“Don’t say that shit, babe,” he says, and you laugh before you realize he isn’t joking. 

“I’m serious,” he continues. “You might feel disgusting, but you aren’t. You smell like fucking lavender, for Christ’s sake. Your pajamas are clean, and so’s your hair. Might be fuckin’ messy right now, but me mum also taught me to braid, so it’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”

You pull him back against you and let some more tears come out. 

“Why are you being so nice,” you ask, voice muffled through his sweatshirt. 

“Oh, dunno,” he replies, hint of a smile in his voice, “Think you’re fit. I like shower sex. You pick.” He pauses. “Maybe both. Heard that it can help with cramps.”

You laugh wetly into his chest. He’s warm and comforting, and so completely not what you expected him to be. You both stand in the kitchen for another minute, his cheek resting on your head before he says, “Oi, you hungry?”

“God, yes,” you say, “I could eat a fucking horse.”

“Good.” Jamie picks up the bulging bag of takeout and a roll of paper towels. “Lead the way, babe.”

—

It’s not until much later, after you’ve eaten, watched a movie, and showered (and all that implies) that you realize you’re finally tired. Finally calm. You let yourself relax on your bed in Jamie’s arms, breathing in his clean smell. In, out. In, out. By the third breath, you’re asleep. 

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

Hey, I love your Miss D and her Manthing series! However, I do have a question about it.

How come we never see Ethan talk? In some of these situations, like the most recent one with the blood bathtub, he could’ve communicated that he’s uncomfortable. I understand that the entire joke is that the Dimitrescus treat him like a pet, but the rest of the world is very aware that he’s a guy just as sentient/ sapient as them. Does your Ethan just not talk?

No hate, btw! Your comics are great and really funny, but the poor dude looks so uncomfortable in some situations and I feel like if he could’ve talked, he would’ve sat down at least Alcina and explain the situation.

i get this question a lot! and the most simple straight forawrd answer (it is not a very good one) is not to look into it too much! i know its a bad answer but thats how i went into the comic while i was making it! just: ok lets just make really funny scenarios to make people laugh!

they dont nesscarily make sense, ans they could technically be avoided but, they arent for the sake of the silly comic to happen in the first place! ethan HAS tried to speak before but is repeatedly intteruptted at least where we have seen him try (heisenberg)

u could headcannon whatever reason! ive seen people say that they headcannon him to be mute bcs of PTSD, or maybe they speak romanian and he doesnt understand them and they dont understand him in the end, he just doesnt talk for the sake of comedy in the comic! but u can decide whatever reason u want!

[marvelmaniac2000]

My Spaghetti and Meatballs

Summary: imagine giving Eddie simple human decency and he definitely gets stalkerish and insane. 

Characters: Edward Nashton x fem! Reader 

Minors DNI / +18 Only 

Subject: Smut! Stalking, voyeurism, anxiety reader, aesthetically pleasing content, extreme attachment/abandonment issues, orphanage, unprotected sex (practice safe sex everyone) 

Words: 2.0k

Side notes: I’ve been bored lately and needed to dribble some stories down. I’ve been sickly obsessed with pauly poo.  This was inspired by the spaceman intereview he did with adam sandler and fantasmas tv show.

 You hummed a tune to yourself to keep calm.. You were very hungry and you planned on making spaghetti and meatballs for yourself. But also of course to help save money by having leftovers. Some of your anxiety started to kick in because it was a little dark outside in the city and you were alone commuting to the grocery store. Even though Gotham had its reputation it wasn’t much you could do but always look out for yourself. You had on beat up converse shoes and warm auburn fall peacoat on in a cool first week of October. You were about average looking (in your own opinion) and didn’t draw much response from other strangers.

"Ok" you mouth to yourself, while looking at your grocery list in your notes. I need noodles, ground beef, etc . You mumbled to yourself and looked down the aisle for each ingredient. 

 “H-hey excuse me” you snapped your head up and looked at the man in front of you. 

 “Hi” you gave a dry response before realizing who it was.

“O-oh my goodness, Eddie!..” you swiveled your items out of your basket in your hand before bringing him in a hug. Edward gasped a little, finally seeing you in front of him. It has almost been years but it only felt like yesterday since he saw you in the very flesh directly talking to him. He has been following you and keeping touch with you since the day you guys both turned eighteen, but technically you both have been on your own since sixteen from the orphanage. It was one of the worst days of his life, when you finally were taken into an adoptive family at the late age of sixteen years old. 

   It felt like a jab to his stomach losing the family member he created within himself. The foster parents didn’t mean anything to him, the real mother he had was you. You were his sister, mother and girlfriend he needed. You were everything he needed of course.Edward knew he wasn’t going to be adopted, but he didn’t care. He stared at you barely able to make out any last words. Just your presence and knowing you were ok was what all he needed to know. As long as you were protected and were there for him, he could continue on. He knew you like the back of his hand. Some days he could go without checking on you, but he had to make sure you were still ok. Sometimes he would send money and support to your live stream, and fantasize of the costume you put on display for that video. It was his ritual. 

 “You look good Eds, you’re still just as adorable and sweet growing up” you couldn’t help but squeeze  his pink cheeks together and peck him on the cheek. Words couldn’t describe what he meant to you. You and Eddie were the only ones who tried to survive the foster home life and survive shitty school years too. You both slept together in the same bunk rooms, you slept in his bed when he was scared and rubbed him to sleep, you made sure his favorite cereal was there, even if the other kids sometimes would get greedy and not share. You cleaned his glasses for him, bought him clothes with little money you did have from your high school job. He was your baby. He gave you meaning when nothing else felt like so. Eddie's face turned a flush red. A rush of happiness and warmth swept over his body that he never felt in awhile. But it has been awhile since anyone showed him any type of affection and especially coming from you. Any type of praise from you sent him over the edge and he wanted more. 

  “I missed you too, I wanted to make sure you were still doing ok, I see you’re working now and have your own life” Eddie wanted to know if you had a boyfriend. He couldn’t afford to have you keep any secrets away from him.  “Yea I’ve been more happy than I've ever been, my own money, own life, no worries, it’s great.” You notice how upset your Eddie looked. “Why don’t you come over to my apartment, I’m making your favorite” you smiled. If Eddie could cry of happiness he could. He wanted to ball up in bed with you and cuddle as long as he could. “That would be great” he pushed the rim of his glasses up and followed you out to purchase the groceries. 

  You both arrived at your apartment that was dimly lit with your tv still on. “Oh uh sorry for the mess I don’t usually like to clean up until I get the energy to sometimes.” You wanted to make Eddie feel at home like he always felt. “Um just sit over there Eds you can watch tv if you like, there’s a blanket over there” 

 “It’s ok I’ll just watch tv from here, you always go above and beyond for me” Eddie was just happy to finally have you here and inside your apartment. He looked around taking in the different furniture, decor and things you had inside your place. He notices your desktop and computer in the corner of the room with a gaming chair just like in your videos you use.

  You took off your jacket and lit a bunch of candles that you had decorated on your kitchen counters. 

You wondered what Eddie was doing around lately. He didn’t seem like the type to hang around town alone. But maybe he has changed now that he is older. You let the noodles boil and create your special tomato sauce in a separate pan. 

  “Sooo eddie what have you been eating now huh? Frozen dinners?” you joked while looking at him mindlessly watching tv. He looked so cute with his big puppy dog eyes.

   “Very funny but I make do with whatever I can make myself” he smiled. “But I always miss your food ” He watched the tv hoping this moment would never end. Your cheek flushed a bit red hearing him talk. Eddie was somewhat of an old soul, he reminded of guys who deserve everything in the world, but was just sort of awkward. But it was nice finally having him around, it did feel a bit lonely not having anyone around, but you wouldn’t change it for the world, finally having your peace and independence living your life. The tomato sauce smelled amazing in the entire room. You pour the paste inside the noodles and mix it well together. You brought a plate to Eddie with a fork. Eddie smiled and felt like he was home once again. You sat next to him curled up on the side watching whatever show was on. 

   “So what do you know for work?” You nervously peeled your fingernails. Eddie chewed with a mouth full of food before he talked. 

“Nothing much, just a financial analyst at a company, but I guess it’s ok” he hummed while he ate. “Oh that’s good to hear” you watch him with adoration while he stuffed his face. 

  “Do you mind if I stay here for the night? I think it’s supposed to be a really bad storm tonight.” Edward looked at you with his eyes. “Of course it’s not a problem at all,” you smiled. “Here I’ll get you some towels and stuff for a shower.” Edward watches you leave, seeing you disappear in your bedroom. He wondered what your bedroom looked like. If it was normal and basic or with different colors with many pillows. 

  “Um the towels and stuff are in this closet if you need them, you gesture the closet against the wall” you showed him. “Ok” he nodded. 

“I’ll just jump in the shower real quick” you told him before making your way out. Eddie gave you a reassuring nod before looking out the autumn window noticing the seasons beginning to change. He hated the fact that he lied to you, but it was the only way he could stay any much longer here with you. He watched you make your way into the bathroom to cleanse yourself up. Eddie pants began to harden listening to the echo of the water running down your body and your nude body lathered up with soap. 

His aching bulged pressed against him. He tossed the blanket over his legs to casually cover his member. 

  To make matters even worse you came out of the steaming hot shower with a sexy baby doll gown and fluff slippers. “It’s all yours Eddie” you sat next to him on the sofa in a sigh of relief. “Thanks” he managed before striding in the bathroom. You cover yourself up with a cozy blanket and turn the channels to see what else is on cable. 

   Eddie noticed used pads and looked inside your dirty laundry basket. You had a pretty lace black thong that had trimmed lace around it. He balled up the fabric and stuffed two more pairs inside his pocket before jumping into your shower. Eddie missed everything about you and your warmth. The way you took care of everything around him. Then finally he slowly came back out with only his clothes but with a tank top and his boxer briefs. 

  “Come cuddle with me Eddie” you laying gently on top of him.  “You know I’m glad you’re doing ok eddie” you held him close feeling him.

   “Me too” he mumbled in heaven. You felt his bulge between your legs and tried to make sure you weren’t imagining it. Eddie couldn’t manage to get it down even after taking a shower. He wanted you so badly right at that moment. “Do you need help with this?” you whispered while moving your hand to his boxers. “Umm yes” he groaned. “I can help” you push your hand down in his boxers and rub the precum that glossed over his dick. 

“Just like that?” you managed to say.

   “Y-yes” he groaned again. You pull yourself up to kiss him on the lips before rubbing his member a little harder. Eddie bucked his hips to your hand as you continued your pace. 

You moaned from feeling him get pleasure from it. 

  “Can I put it in me Eddie?” you asked him before stopping. 

   “Of course I want you now,” he demanded. You slide your panties off and stick it in slowly before riding him at a slow deliberate pace. Eddie held onto your hips as guiding for you to go quicker.

    “Oh Eddie” you moaned, lowering yourself to kiss him passionately. His hands roamed under your gown and greedily gave your plump boobs a squeeze. You whimper feeling him take control. Eddie could barely catch his breath before his mouth met your soft nipples. You gave out a loud moan rocking your hips harder with him grazing your wet insides. 

   “Mmmm” you threw your head back and felt him touch your g spot. 

  “Right there baby” Eddie put on his glasses and now watched you with his emerald eyes. “I’m going to come” Eddie murmured  before cumming his load inside of you. You stop your pace before catching your breath. 

 There was a rumble of thunder outside before you both realized what was happening. “I’m glad you’re here to keep me safe huh?” you giggled. “I guess so, we always had each other's backs, remember?” 

“I do” you cooed. Eddie pulled himself out of you before covering the blanket with both of you falling asleep.   

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