#I always worry about my moots when I’m gone for a long time

[kat-demon-of-chaos]

My brain has his ups and downs, though I've finally managed to admit to myself that I'm sharing it with some others instead of denying their existences, so that's new!

I did have treats... Like a whole bar of chocolate yesterday o-o

You've done a great job persisting and I'm so proud of you for it 🫂 if you wanna share, you know my discord and our chat is always open /gen, nf

I’m very proud of you💖💖 you’re always welcome in my discord/ DM as well uwu

I would kill for a bar of chocolate rn aldksk

[fatuismooches]

fabulam diu oblitus - second interlude.

synopsis: The tale of the raven and the sparrow has long been forgotten by most, but some will always remember.

includes: dottore w/ gn! reader

notes: This is the third part of this fic, please read the first two for maximum enjoyment. The tale of your and Dottore's life seems to be coming to an end. Contains non-sexual nudity (you two cuddle nearly nude) and reader has some insecurities about themselves/their body. Of course, mandatory mention to my moot @kaixserzz and all my lovely anons (you too 🎐 anon <3.)

prelude. first interlude. second interlude. postlude. sequel.

“The butterfly’s life seemed to be going well. They had their dear raven who loved them along with his multiple copies. Friends who spent time with them. But in reality, life was much harder and dimmer for them than they outwardly showed sometimes. In fact, the butterfly found themselves plagued by dreams. They weren’t nightmares, but when they woke up, it certainly felt like one. Or when they did have genuine nightmares, they felt the same unease and wept about their unfortunate situation.”

You woke up under the sun, its heat kissing your skin, leaving you warm and fuzzy. Blearily, you rubbed your eyes and looked around, trying to gauge your location. Judging from the bright sun and soft grass surrounding you, one-of-a-kind fauna that could only be found in certain places, you must be in a forest in Sumeru. You yawned, rubbing your eyes, sitting up. It was then you noticed that Zandik was sleeping peacefully next to you as well. Hehe, you couldn’t believe your eyes. Zandik, slacking off? Especially when he always got mad at you for that? Oh, you were so going to tease him later. You reached out to caress his cheek but-

In the blink of an eye, he was gone, and you were confused. Where did he go…? But that was the least of your worries, as another blink had changed the landscape to one of pitch darkness. Immediately, you got up despite not being able to see anything. And then a voice sounded from somewhere.

“[Name].” After someone said your voice, a bright spotlight was cast on you, the only light in the vast darkness that surrounded you. And that voice… it wasn’t Dottore, but it sounded oddly familiar…

“[Name], oh [Name]. The poor pitiful person who cannot do anything useful for themselves or for others,” the voice continued to echo from above, though you could not see who was speaking. But then, as you took in their words, you realized that it was your voice. Your voice was the one sounding from above. How… what? You wanted to question it but you were more focused on the content of their words.

“What are you talking about? Who- who even are you?” The voice chuckled, a carbon copy of how you would laugh.

“Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You, who cannot ever hope to be anything more than you are now, forever stuck in that useless body and mentality of yours. You, who-”

“Hey! Ugh, you’re me, are you not? Why are you being so mean?” You replied, frustrated. Was it strange to be having a conversation with yourself as well?

“Indeed, I am you. But I am the truthful part of you. I am the voice that you bury in the back of your mind, the one you try so hard to ignore. But you know that I am right.” You gritted your teeth at your other voice’s words. No, that couldn’t be true. You were far, far better than what this imposter was saying! But before you could refute those statements, they spoke again.

“Just take a look at yourself from before.” And then, another spotlight opened up in front of you. There, basking under the light, was your former self from the Akademiya. Carefree, happy, and healthy, balancing a pencil on your finger as you cheerfully discussed some academics with Zandik. More spotlights flicked on to demonstrate your skilled movements, swiftly handling your weapon in battle. Ah, showing you all the things you couldn’t do anymore. How lovely. And then those lights switched off, and one turned on behind you, making you spin around.

In the spotlight stood a tall mirror, reflecting your current self right back at you. Not just outwardly, but mostly inwardly. Your throat went dry. You were so, so different. Did your illness really change you that much? The bright and lively face from before was a stark comparison to this tired one. The mirror began to reflect your recent memories as well. The ones where the segments had to do multiple tests on you for your health. Or when you needed to be helped with stuff even children could easily manage. Something began to deeply hurt in your chest.

“When you take a look in the mirror, what do you see? I don’t need to spell it out for you, do I?” The voice from above giggled at you. You just wanted to wake up from this nightmare, already on the verge of tears. Please, just let someone wake you up. It seemed that you couldn’t be happy whether in reality or in dreams.

“Okay, you’re right!” You cried. “You’re right… I’m sorry…” You didn’t even know why or who you were apologizing to.

“Ah, so you admit it, do you? Then you must be ready to accept your fate as well.”

“My… fate?”

“Yes, your fate. Do you really think your dear Dottore will stay with you after burdening him so?” That question made your heart freeze.

“I… yes he will! Of course he will! Zandik loves me… he loves me…” Perhaps you were trying to convince yourself more than stating it as a fact.

“Love? You?” A scoff sounded from behind you, the voice being one that was easily recognizable. Dottore. Turning around, you saw your beloved, but you did not feel the wave of comfort you usually did when in the presence of your lover. The mocking tone was one thing but… it was the way he looked at you. Though his mask was on, you could read his expression. And it was certainly not one of love. The feeling of dread was slowly growing more and more larger.

“Zandik…”

“Do not call me that. I am Il Dottore to you. After all, you are nobody special.” Ah. What did you do to deserve this nightmare…? You could hear the echoes of your own laughter in the background, mocking you. What did you expect? That someone on such a high level like Dottore would stay with you? How laughable, yes, how laughable indeed! But the only thing you could do was beg. Dottore began walking away, the darkness cloaking his figure, and you could not help but run, run, run after him, tripping on your feet as you finally closed the distance between him and you. The only energy you had left was to grip onto his hanging white coat.

You clung to his leg, tears streaming down your face as you continued to plead. “Please don’t. Please! Please, I’ll do whatever you want me to. Anything you want. Just please don’t leave me alone,” you sobbed. Dottore was the only thing you had left in this world. What would you do with yourself if he was gone?

The Harbinger only looked down at you with cold, cold, eyes that made your body feel even more frigid. He then opened his mouth to speak, and you knew if you heard what he said, it would break you.

Which is why it was good when your eyes popped open to that familiar ceiling of yours. Not even a second later, you sat up immediately and would have nearly jumped out of bed if it weren’t for a pair of strong arms holding you in place. But, you didn’t register this right away, and you tried to desperately fight the grip on you but it did not let up.

“[Name],” your brain finally processed the voice that had been calling you. “[Name], calm yourself,” the voice was the very definition of calm, the complete opposite of what you were right now, so the soothing tone managed to get through to you. You swallowed, trying to steady your breathing once more, and attempted to relax your shaking body. The hands on your body remained until you had regained some kind of stability before they slid away. Blearily, you opened your eyes once again and lifted your head, blinking repeatedly to see your lover in front of you once again. Ah, so all of that was just a dream? Oh, you were so, so, thankful it wasn’t reality. 

“Zandik?” You mumbled, rubbing your eyes and adjusting to the light.

“Yes, it’s me. From my office, I could see your heart rate reaching abnormal levels, which is why I came to check on you.” You stole a glance at the machine hooked up to you, and indeed, your heart rate was higher than normal even though you had calmed down a bit. You could only imagine the level it was during the peak of your nightmare.

“Oh…” It was hard for you to form full sentences right now after that terrifying dream. 

“What happened?” He didn’t bother asking if you were okay because the answer to that was clear. You wondered to yourself if you should tell him. No, you shouldn’t, it was dumb. And it was just a dream… just a dream that surely would never become reality, so you shouldn’t waste his time with it.

“I had a dream,” you began, and Dottore looked at you expectantly. “But I forgot what happened,” you lied, hoping that he would buy it.

“It did not seem like a peaceful one.”

“Mhm… I’m not sure,” you replied briefly again. You’re not sure he believed you, but he did not further question it. But as you looked at him again, you just had to make sure he was real, and not just a figment of your imagination that would torture you again. So you reached your hands out to cup Dottore’s cheeks, feeling the intact skin under your palms. He looked at you questioningly, until you practically pinched and squished his cheeks, and normally he would have scolded you for such behavior, but you looked like you really did have a terrible dream, so he let it slide. But you still needed extra clarification.

“Are you real, Zandik?” You definitely sounded like you lost it now. But Dottore humored you anyway.

“I am real,” he affirmed.

“Prove it,” you demanded. Dottore looked at you expressionlessly, pausing for a few moments, perhaps contemplating what he should do to prove something so silly, but soon he pulled your hands away from his face and then leaned in to kiss you. His pointy teeth grazed your lips, bordering the line between a bit of pain and pleasure. You lost track of how long he kissed you like that, but you didn’t mind. You knew what he was trying to say. There was no way a fake could kiss you like that. His kisses were entirely real.

The nightmare still remained as a hazy mess in your head, but it gradually slipped away from you as you lost yourself in Dottore’s kisses.

… But that wasn’t the beginning or end of your dreams. They had been plaguing you for a while, and that one just happened to be the worst one yet. You don’t remember when they started, but you remember they started nice. The dreams felt like a warm blanket, cozy and soft, as you were back in the Akademiya from centuries ago. And they ended pleasantly too, but when you woke up, it certainly felt like the opposite. It was more like you were being suffocated, being so plainly reminded of your old life, and how different you were now. And then you wept yourself back to sleep, beginning to dread sleeping. Perhaps that’s why the nice dreams began to turn into actual nightmares. You just couldn’t understand why this was happening to you. But more importantly, you wished that Dottore hadn’t found out. 

You had lovely friends, segments who would dote on you, access to pretty much any entertainment since your lover still was a Harbinger after all (despite his budgeting issues with Pantalone), and last but certainly not least, you had the love of your life with you. Your life should feel pretty good, with all of these wonderful things around you.

But it didn’t. And you hated it. So, so much.

So it was only a matter of time before you’d be found out.

—

“And so the butterfly tried their best to hide how they truly felt. To hide the cycle of suffering from their loved ones, not wanting to burden the ravens even more. Although they tried their best, they could not keep up the act any longer.”

It started off as a normal day. You woke up with the same lingering sense of sadness, from the mini nightmare you had, but that was something you were used to. But you could have never expected this to happen.

It was during one of your regular, daily checkups. Some of the clones were there, doing their own thing, while Omega was the one administering the checkup. And you were getting the needle today, so that was nice, you guess. 

Oh, when would it end? When would you finally be free? When would your body be able to be strong again? How much longer will you be cursed to live like this? 

But after that internal monologue, you didn’t think much of it as Omega’s gloved hands carefully held your arm steady as he injected you with something. Nor did you pay much attention to the segments’ bickering, which was uncharacteristic of you. You usually liked to listen in and give your two cents on their arguments. But you hoped you didn’t seem too out of the ordinary.

However, sometimes when you try too hard, you end up doing the one thing you were trying to avoid. 

“[Name]? What is the matter?” Omega asked you, and then you realized all the other segments were staring at you as well.

“Huh? What do you mean?” You sat up a bit taller and smiled, hoping to appear your normal self. But it was then you noticed the growing dampness on your lap. Your heart leaped in your throat, and you brushed your fingers against your face, to be met with wet cheeks.

Oh. You were crying. After trying so hard not to. A part of you wanted to keep the facade up a bit longer, but it hurt too much to keep pretending, and it wouldn’t work anyway. Good thing Omega finished the checkup already. Otherwise, it would have been torture to sit there and cry while he took your vitals.

“[Name]-” Omega was the only one who could speak because the other younger clones were too shocked and unsure to say anything. But when he reached out to you, you swiftly dodged it.

“It’s nothing. It’s nothing, really!” Your voice cracked embarrassingly enough but you couldn’t pay attention to that, busy wiping your tears. Before the segments could do or say anything else, you quickly made a beeline for the door and exited into the endless corridors. If they called your name, you didn’t hear it, as you bit your lip to hide your pitiful sobs.

Hopefully hiding in your bed under the covers would alleviate some of the pain.

—

“When the raven came to check on his darling, the butterfly mourned to their companion: ‘How can you bear to look at me when I’ve been stripped of everything I once was? My wings, eyes, beauty, and soul are no more. How can you love me when I cannot even begin to like myself?’ The flightless butterfly wept as they attempted to hide their body away from the creature, though their wings were already too punctured to move. Still, they were too wrapped up in their hatred and guilt to face him. The creature was at a loss as to how to comfort his lover. How could he show that despite the fact they couldn’t fly anymore, or that their wings had lost their vibrance and become dull, he still loved them? The creature knew he had to do something, and so he decided to take off the fox fur and truly become the raven again, for his beloved’s sake.”

The sensation of being alone in your bed did not last for long, for soon enough there was a knock at your door.

“[Name]?” A muffled voice came beyond the door and you silently groaned. Of course the segments told Prime, and of course he was here now to inquire why you acted like that. And you think you forgot to lock your door too. You hoped that if you remained silent, he would just go away. You were wrong.

“[Name], I’m coming in.” And seconds later you heard the door to your room open and close, and then the footsteps stopped at the side of your bed. Though your face was under the covers, you imagine he was staring down at you.

“I heard what happened,” he began, and then his footsteps echoed throughout the room again as he walked over to the other side of the bed, where you primarily were. The pause after his sentence made you think he expected you to respond, but you didn’t of course. Then, you could feel the bed creak and dip with Dottore’s added weight, and you could feel the brush of his hands against your legs that were covered by the blankets.

“[Name], you can’t keep your head under the blankets forever. You have to come out at some point.” You hated how he was always right because as he spoke you had the desperate need to breathe some fresh air. Ugh. Reluctantly, you lowered the blanket ever so slightly, to only show your tear-stained eyes and your nose. You could feel Dottore’s eyes on you but you avoided looking at him, placing your arm over your eyes.

“[Name].”

“...”

“[Name],” Dottore’s voice had a deeper tone to it now.

“...What?”

“Tell me what is the matter.”

“Nothing is wrong. I-I just felt like crying,” you pathetically defended yourself. You hated showing such weakness in front of Dottore. Yet here you were, crying about your pitiful self while you were sure he had far more important things to attend to. After you spoke, he studied you for a few moments before he replied.

“I have no intention of leaving here until you speak. You may test my patience if you wish, but I will find out what troubles you regardless,” Dottore spoke rather matter-of-factly. You just wanted to shrivel up into nothing at this point. You knew when Dottore says he’ll do something, he’ll make good on it no matter what. And you were right, for countless minutes went by as your lover remained sitting in the same position, turning his gaze to observe your room at times before turning back to you.

Dottore realized that it had been a while since he was in your room. There were just some days when he could not afford the time, so the segments had been taking diligent care of you instead. He looked around your room and noticed some child-like drawings were pinned to the wall. Ah, that must have been you and Zandy. And the Ruin Machine parts scattered on your table. Probably another segment, perhaps Alpha. He makes a silent note to himself to ask you about everything you’ve done in his absence. He obviously wants to be updated on your life still, despite all of his bothersome duties. Dottore looks back at you and sees that you’re wearing a conflicted expression, perhaps wondering how to say what you want to say. That’s alright. Regrator will survive if he doesn’t get his paperwork today. The silence continues before you speak up softly.

“Zandik…” The call of his real name has his attention back on you, and the scholar is prepared to find a proper solution to whatever has you so worked up.

“Do you really love me?” 

…Alright, admittedly, that was not one of the things Dottore was ready to refute, and the Harbinger finds himself at a loss of words for a few moments, though he does not let it show on his face. Here he was wondering if maybe you had a bad flare-up of your illness, or if possibly some idiot spoke to you wrongly. But instead, you are questioning his love for you? How… surprising and frankly absurd, but he must get to the bottom of this.

“Where is this coming from?”

“I just…” Your face crumples further, looking even sadder if that was possible. “I just don’t understand…” You remember a conversation you had with Childe. He had said you must be quite exceptional to have the Doctor wrapped around your finger. You could only smile and bite your tongue because, in reality, you were nothing special. At least not anymore. Maybe centuries ago, but certainly not now. 

“Understand what?”

“Why you would still love me.” Your statement and crestfallen expression have Dottore’s brain working in an attempt to fully understand this misunderstanding. He could probably fill up a few journals about why you were most dear to him, his pens breaking countless times, about why everything about you far outshone the irrelevant other beings in his world, and why worshipping you instead of even the almighty Archons was something he found far more appealing. But he doesn’t have time for that, no, he needs to make you see how wrong you are as quickly as possible.

“Why would I not love you?” He inquires, hoping to tear down your arguments with reason, that also incorporates his true feelings in it.

“Well, how about my personality? I… I know I’m not the same as I used to be. I might not even be the same person anymore.” Though you generally tried to be as cheerful and happy as you could, just as your old self once was, oftentimes your illness would leave you in a despondent state. And you truly did feel bad, especially when you knew Dottore was taking time out of his busy schedule to be with you, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to speak or even touch him. You just wanted to be alone. But Dottore had an answer for you.

“[Name], I am certainly not the same person as I once was, yet you still love me, do you not? It is no different for you. Furthermore, everyone changes. In a few hundred years, I suspect both of us will be changed people once again. Yet I know that I will still be with you, and you with me, despite our changes. So, do not fear change. You may be different, but my perspective on you shall never change regardless of what you may undergo.” Ah. So no matter how much you drifted away, became distant, swallowed by your illness and your own self-loathing, maybe even becoming unrecognizable to yourself, Dottore would still love you. His words sounded sincere enough, and you wavered a bit, but you still had too many thoughts flooding your brain.

“Okay, but what about my intelligence? I can hardly compare to you or even what I used to be in the Akademiya. Isn’t that a part of what you love me for? But I can hardly offer you anything like that now.” The way you spoke made it seem like you were dead set on making him realize that he couldn’t love you anymore, and though he was indeed a bit confused and even upset that you were looking down upon yourself like that, he continued to prove you wrong.

“You were asleep for over four hundred years. It is only perfectly normal that you are not in the same state as then. But I have no doubt you’ll reach that level once again in due time,” Dottore stated as a fact rather than a possibility. “And, you have actually assisted me with your knowledge far more times than you are aware of. I can think of quite a few times where your words have helped me with my research. So, I will have to disagree with you once again, for you are far smarter than you give yourself credit for.” His voice was calm as he spoke, but it seemed to further agitate you as you chewed on your lip. 

Even as you brought up more points, he shot them down effortlessly. Though his responses did make you feel somewhat better, you still couldn’t help but feel frustrated with yourself. Why? Why couldn’t you see the things he supposedly did? The all-knowing doctor was here, spending so much time in an attempt to make you feel better, something that no one would ever experience, and yet you still couldn’t understand.  By this point, you lay defeated, hand covering your exhausted face. Your constant criticisms seemed to have come to an end as Dottore watched on, scrutinizing you. But you had one last question.

“But me… am I even attractive anymore?” Admittedly, you had trouble looking at yourself sometimes. It was just far too hard to see yourself in a positive light at times. So you had no idea how Dottore could. At these words, there was a delayed response. He remained silent before you felt the bed return to normal, his weight leaving the mattress. Then, you heard the thud of something falling to the floor, and you opened your eyes to Dottore’s unmasked face, red eyes and scars greeting you. But that was not what surprised you. He moved to brush off the black fur that lined his back and the hanging accessories attached to it, the clothing dropping to the floor. And then, he worked at his white overcoat, which pooled at his feet too. You sat up in the bed, watching him with wide and curious eyes. 

“What are you doing?” Your question received no answer as Dottore merely continued to remove his clothing. His gloves came off and his blue shirt did too. The only thing remaining on his upper body was his harness. Which was… kind of funny to be honest, even though it wasn’t meant to be.

But it was then you realized you hadn’t seen Zandik nude since all those centuries ago at the Akademiya. And now you were finally taking a good look at his body, which was covered in markings and scarred skin. So his face wasn’t the only part that had scars… You wanted to reach out, to run your hands along him, and it seemed like Dottore expected you to, in fact, even wanted you to, by the look on his face that beckoned you closer. And so you did, pulling the blankets off of you and standing up, as you hesitantly caressed his skin, all while he looked on closely.

“What do you think?” He questioned.

“What do I think?” you repeated. “Well… I still think you’re awfully handsome, of course.” That was a no-brainer, he would always be incredibly attractive to you. Though before you could inquire as to whether these scars still hurt or not, he interrupted you.

“I know,” Dottore smirked. You raised your eyebrows at that response, but he continued. “Because I know everything about you. There’s nothing about you that I do not keep a record of, and I plan to keep it that way. And though I could once again use my words to answer your question, I do believe it will be more effective to answer through actions. And now that I have revealed myself to you, I hope that you will allow me the opportunity to examine you further to show you exactly how I feel. Yes, I need hard evidence if I am to prove my case to you.”

You took in his words for a second. You were honestly very hesitant about revealing your body to Zandik because you feared what he would think, but the way he spoke with such certainty made you feel a bit comforted. So you relented. 

“Alright,” you murmured, releasing your grip on him to shed your own clothes. Your clothes from your upper half fell onto the floor, leaving you topless. Dottore’s gaze remained on you intently, but there wasn’t anything sexual about this. He simply wanted to observe your beauty. But your bottom half remained covered.

“Continue.” You crossed your arms and sent him a look.

“I’m only continuing if you do too,” you motioned to how his pants and other things were on as well. “I… want to see all of you too.” You would feel more safe that way, not wanting to feel alone. Dottore chuckled.

“As you wish,” he went along with your request and stripped himself further. You gulped as your gaze raked along the rest of his body. His legs didn’t have as many scars as his upper body, but they were still there. Now, Dottore looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to follow through, and you did. You stripped yourself of your lower garments until both of you were only left in your underwear. As the cold air hit your bare body, you suddenly felt wildly self-conscious again.

“Well,” your throat was dry as you mumbled, “here I am. This is me.” You kept your eyes on the floor, not wanting to see his facial expression. Because you were deathly scared of disappointment. The few seconds of silence that followed made you suck in your breath, your stomach churning at what he could possibly be thinking. How frail and weak you probably looked, along with all the other imperfections you hated about yourself. It was all so noticeable to you, there was no way Dottore would miss it either. This was a horrible idea, and you opened your mouth to speak, to forget it, desperate to hide away from your lover when he spoke one lone word that made you stiffen.

“Beautiful.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You hesitantly met Dottore’s gaze so you could gauge his expression, and as much as you wanted to convince yourself that he was lying because there was no way your pitiful self could reach that level of praise from him, you knew he wasn’t. You’ve known him longer than anyone, so you knew when he was being sincere. And right now, there wasn’t a hint of mocking or falseness in his tone.

You could no longer hold his gaze at that simple but heavily loaded word, but in a few seconds, his bare hands were running around your body. You wanted to shy away from his touch, but Dottore’s grip on you was strong and firm. His fingers fluttered down your arms, your tummy, your back, carefully examining every inch of you while you could only watch on… it seemed as though he had your entire body mapped out and memorized. In fact, it seemed like he was enjoying this, a small hum escaping him as he mentally made notes about you. 

“Indeed, quite beautiful, even more than I predicted. Really, it’s rather interesting to see how my hypothesis can fall so short of reality.” His words made your body heat up in embarrassment, but you still couldn’t help but be confused by his words. Surely you weren’t anything that special. But he sure looked at you like you were.

“Would you permit me to have a closer look?”

“I… uh, sure,” you fumbled over your words, still left speechless from that. Zandik then effortlessly picked you up and placed you on the bed, making you squeak from the unexpected movement. He could quite literally see every part of you, as he now hovered over you as you lay on your back, his eyes boring into your figure as he restrained you from trying to squirm away. Your body was stiff and nervous as he hummed, gliding a finger across your body until he reached one particular scar.

“Ah, I remember this one. When I was on the ladder near the bookshelves in the Akademiya’s library and accidentally dropped a book on you.” You blinked once, and then twice at his words. Dottore actually remembered that, just from a mere marking? After you got over your initial surprise, you couldn’t help but let out some giggles at that. You had forgotten how you had gotten some of your scars since you avoided looking at yourself, but that memory was just too good.

“You know you nearly killed me that day? All because I called you ‘love’,” you huffed to which Dottore chuckled.

“You called me ‘love’ in public. Of course I would be startled.”

“It was three AM in the library, and there was no one there,” you rolled your eyes, finding some more comfort at how Dottore’s hands would wander over the parts you considered imperfections. 

“And this one, it was from when that idiot pushed you over.” The scar he was referring to was when you were on a group expedition with numerous other scholars, and some guy thought it would be a good idea to barrel into you, making you take a pretty nasty fall. Zandik was more pissed off than you. Looking back now, it was pretty funny. You didn’t realize it, but Dottore was doing a good job of distracting you from your thoughts. It just felt… really nice to be genuinely appreciated for who you were, despite the flaws you had, and you began to relax a little bit more. 

After some more memories and reminiscing, the room went silent again as the only thing that could be heard was the breathing of you two, your own breaths much calmer than what they were a while ago. Not a single part of your body hadn’t fallen victim to his hands. You were now cuddled into his chest as he held you. You just loved Dottore so much. Though your insecurities still lingered a little bit in the back of your mind, he did help you to feel much better. After all, who else besides you was afforded the words “you’re beautiful” from none other than Il Dottore?

Not to mention how handsome Zandik was. You got to brush your hands all over his body too… Although you were sad he’s been hurt so much, he was still wildly attractive. You wanted to like this more with him… more open. More exposed. You’d still be quite nervous every time, but maybe this could… help you. And you’d get more bonding time with your beloved.

“Zandik… could we start taking baths together?”

“Baths?” Zandik echoed while stroking your hair, then smirked at you.  “Could it be that you want to see more of me, dear [Name]? Why, I could never have expected you to be so bold.” You couldn’t help but blush and roll your eyes at his teasing.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, you got me there Zandik,” you huffed, further burying your face into his chest, fingering the straps of his harness. “I just thought it would be nice to do that with you,” you mumbled shyly, to which Zandik only chuckled.

“Of course. I see no reason as to why we can’t.” Dottore felt you smile against his bare skin, but he felt the need to give you a little talk.

“[Name],” he began, his voice a touch more serious than before, and you knew that he was probably going to lecture you a little bit. He tapped his fingers on your neck, a sign that he wanted you to look at him. So very reluctantly, you stopped nuzzling his chest and peeked up at him nervously. He sighed as he held your chin, just in case you tried to look away like you always did.

“I expect you will not hold your tongue around me in the future, yes? Allowing such thoughts to fester will only lead to further misunderstandings down the line. I do not want to see that for you,” he said rather sternly, but you knew it was with good intentions. Still, you hated putting your stupid troubles onto Dottore. It was surely so frivolous compared to what he had to deal with… And of course, it seems like your lover read your mind based on his next words.

“[Name], your words will never be anything less than important to me. You must speak to me whenever something ails you. All this is not good for your health, either.” Then, after a pause, he added a bit more solemnly, unconsciously holding your nude body tighter against his. “You have been completely silent for four hundred years. I want to hear whatever you have to say, regardless of what it may be.” Ah, that was right. He had to deal with you being deathly quiet for that long…

“Alright, I will,” you promised, returning the gesture and holding him tighter (if that was even possible, considering how weak you were).

“Good,” he replied, back to his usual demeanor.

This wouldn’t be the end. There would still be many days when you felt like this all over again. When your negative thoughts got the best of you and tried to consume you whole. In fact, every day could be a struggle, with your illness and mood fluctuating. But that could wait for tomorrow.

Right now, there was only this moment where only the two of you existed, and that was all that mattered.

Bonus:

Dottore had begun to move away from you, and his warmth leaving your body immediately had you protesting and clinging onto him.

“[Name], you have to put your clothes back on now otherwise you’re going to catch a chill.”

“I don’t want to,” you whined, trying to pull his arm back into the bed. He looked at you with amusement.

“Alright,” he gave into your demands, “but only for a little while more. And you must come even closer then.”

You didn’t know if it was possible to get any closer to Zandik than this, but you happily accepted.

—

“Although the raven and butterfly promised to be bound to each other for all eternity, the butterfly began to long for something more. They became somewhat jealous of the other creatures in the forest, and longed to follow their ways with their own darling.”

Marriage.

It was something that was growing more and more of a need rather than a want. You never thought you would be here, lying awake at night, daydreaming of Dottore marrying you, but here you were now. Admittedly, hearing the stories from the other Fatui agents was mainly what put the idea in your head. When you inquired into their love life, many of them would tell you about their spouse. “Spouse.” What a wonderful word. A sign that their love for each other had reached such a stage had you smiling. But then you realized that you could not call Dottore your husband, nor could he call you his spouse.

You didn’t expect it to bother you that much, but it did. Why weren’t you two married? Was that why people doubted your relationship so much? Perhaps if you had a ring and some papers to show for it, it would finally get through their thick skulls?

Besides that, the idea of marrying Zandik was very appealing. You didn’t need or want some big, fancy wedding, but rather it was the notion of marriage that you enjoyed. Yes, you knew you two would never be apart from each other, but marrying him was still nice to think about. And it would be so cute! So you made up your mind to marry Zandik. All you needed was to get him to agree.

“Dottore, let’s get married.” That one sentence made Dottore stop moving his pen, leaving a blot of ink where he left it resting.

“Pardon?” You had barged into his office a mere few seconds ago and those were the first words you uttered.

“I would like us to get married. You know, officially and all of that.” You stood right in front of his desk, staring at him with a proud smile on your face. Dottore stared right back at you with an unreadable expressionable, silence overtaking the room, before chuckling and picking back up his pen. 

“Very amusing, dear,” he continued writing whatever he was working on. You furrowed your eyebrows at his dismissal, quite offended at how he blew you off, before grabbing the pen right from his hand, unclicking it, and placing it in the cup holder. You had his attention once again.

“Zandik,” you emphasized his real name so he knew you were serious, “I mean it.” Dottore peered at you before folding his hands on his desk.

“Why?”

“Why?” You repeated. Wasn’t it completely obvious, the reasons as to why one would want to get married? And really, how many people could be like “Oh yeah, I’ve been married for a few hundred years!” (You imagined yourself doing that to others in the future. Well, hopefully, you’ll be alive in a few centuries too.) 

“Well, I mean, because we love each other of course. And marriage is one of the highest displays of love one could show to another.” 

“I see,” he seemed to take in your words. “Although I beg to differ. I believe that the mere concept of marriage could never compare to how I have shown my devotion to you in much larger amounts.”

“I-I guess you’re right about that,” you admitted, “but it would be… romantic! And there would be hard evidence, yes, tangible proof for both of us as a sign of our love.”

“Tangible proof?” The Harbinger chuckled. “I already have much evidence of our love. It’s standing right in front of me. What more proof would I want than you?” He then tapped to his neck, and you followed suit, brushing your fingers against your neck only to find a bite mark that was healing. Ugh! How dare he be both romantic and refute both of your points? And also curse him for not taking you seriously! Normally, you would have gotten mushy over the flirting but this time you felt the prick of annoyance.

“It could be like, a new chapter for us. You know.” You were running out of practical reasons. The legal benefits stuff, last names, or whatever, didn’t apply to or matter to the two of you. Your relationship was quite unique after all. A Harbinger didn’t care much for the law anyway.

“I can’t see our relationship changing that much after one ceremony.” 

“Well, it would be gradual…” 

“What exactly would be different?” You couldn’t believe you were going back and forth about a subject such as marriage. Wouldn’t the average person be overjoyed to be proposed to by their longtime lover?! Ah, but you should kick yourself for expecting things to go normally. Zandik was certainly not the average person. 

“Okay, then how about the fact that I want to marry you, Zandik? Nothing more, nothing less. It’s solely what I want. That’s all.” You didn’t realize your voice had risen in volume until after the fact, and you immediately winced at his expression. You probably looked so dumb, getting so worked up over something like this. 

But indeed, you were sure Dottore could see the selfish part of you now. Perhaps there was a part of you who felt guilty for being unable to express your love in the same ways you used to be able to due to your illness. A part of you who still felt terribly sorry for your lover, having to deal with your lackluster abilities. So perhaps by marrying Dottore, it would be a way of showing him how much you loved him, a simple yet clearly efficient act that would hopefully be sufficient enough for a while, until you were strong enough to do more extravagant things. But oh, you should have known better than that. You can’t get away like that, [Name]. So you quickly backtracked your words. There was no use in pushing this subject. And really, you were obviously quite content with the current state of the relationship. He loved you, you loved him. What more could you ask for, especially being the way you are now?

“You’re right, it’s dumb. Never mind,” you mumbled in a deflated manner, gaze falling downcast. “I’ll go now,” you tried to quickly excuse yourself and go hide in a corner, but Dottore’s sigh made you stop.

“[Name], come here,” he called you over to his lap. Although you wanted to just run out of the office, you knew that he would catch you before you could make any good distance, so it was probably best to just comply now. So you made your way to Dottore and sat down on his lap, his hands steadying you and pulling your back flush against his chest. One arm was secured around your tummy while the other stroked your cheek.

“[Name], you know I did not mean to offend you. I was simply curious as to your reasoning.”

“Mhm.” Oh, you were definitely mad at him from the way you refused to meet his eye. He sighed once again, and he knew there was only one way to fix this situation.

“Let us get married.” Those few words made you perk up in his lap and practically swing around, your chest now pressed against his.

“Really?” You looked up at him with pleading eyes, hands gripping the fabric of his shirt. “But why?”

“Yes, really. And for why… think of it as indulging my curiosity while simultaneously making my soon-to-be partner happy. It does interest me to see if our attitudes to each other will change after marriage.” Really, the bigger part of the picture was that he didn’t want you to sulk or be mad at him, he preferred to see you smiling. But he didn’t need to say that part out loud. And he couldn’t anyway because, in the next instant, you kissed him hard before launching into a whole speech.

“Oh, I promise, it won’t even be anything big! I know you don’t like big fancy gatherings, so it could just be the two of us! And maybe the Tsaritsa I think, because we still need the person to officiate it or whatever, but I promise it won’t be a hassle! Trust me, you’re going to enjoy it okay?” You spoke so fast he was surprised you didn’t trip over your words. As quick as you spoke, you pecked his cheeks before hopping off his lap and out the door, muttering something about getting help from Columbina.

…Well, it was a good thing that you were still full of surprises, Dottore thought.

—

“And so the raven and the butterfly promised to join together in an act of union, although their lives were already heavily intertwined. Soon, there would be truly nothing that could sever their bond of love. But the raven still needed a bit of help understanding the importance of such an official union.”

By now, news of his wedding had spread. Not to the underlings, no, he did not want to listen to their gossiping every corner he turned. But rather all of the Harbingers knew of the event. Most of them were completely baffled but had the decency to send their well wishes. For you, mostly. Not for him. And then there were others who wanted to intrude on his business badly. Namely Pantalone. He was the first to wish him, and the first to curse him if he hurt you in any way. 

And now he was the first to badger him on his marriage. Apparently, he believed that he wasn’t trying hard enough, as he left all the details and organization to you. Dottore didn’t really see the problem. He was letting you live your dream, and you were perfectly fine without his input. But Pantalone clearly had a problem with this.

“Dear Doctor, you truly are an idiot sometimes.” Dottore paused his writing.

“Excuse me?”

“Your lack of attention is one thing, but do you think that showing up in bloody clothes is acceptable?” He was probably the kind of person to finish a surgery and then head straight to the wedding right after. Dottore glanced at his arms and indeed, there were some dried blood stains that he had yet to change out of. But he scoffed at the banker, he may not care much for social etiquette, but even he knew the basics.

“Obviously I would wear clean clothes,” he clarified.

“I’m sure you would,” Pantalone replied calmly and sarcastically. “But my point still stands, as you clearly have no idea how serious this is.” Dottore was partially offended by Pantalone’s words. The piles of notebooks about you surely showed how much he knew and understood you.

“[Name] would be happy regardless of what I do. Besides, the ceremony is only for an hour or so. Perhaps even less.”

“Yes, they would be,” he sighed. “I don't think I'll ever understand how that poor thing tolerates you. But just think about this,” he began pacing around the room as if he didn’t subtly insult the doctor. “Of course, I’m sure I barely know the faintest thing about [Name]’s past, but when was the last time you’ve seen them so eager to get all dressed up? So excited for something, hmm?” Dottore crossed his arms and began to thoughtfully consider his co-worker’s words. 

Indeed, you were practically bouncing and glowing with every footstep you took. Really, to think something like this could make you so happy. Perhaps this was another example of how his brain worked differently from yours. You had marked the day on your calendar and the first thing you did when you woke up every morning was count the days until the ceremony. You were also far more affectionate, being in your “honeymoon phase” as you called it. 

Every so often, Columbina, who was also covering the expense for you, would barge into the lab with countless clothes and designers who would customize an outfit for you. Dottore didn’t quite understand or particularly enjoy your friendship, but he couldn’t deny he liked hearing you laugh and smile, so he let it slide. Of course, neither he nor the segments were allowed to see as you insisted it would remain a surprise until the wedding. Zandy was excluded from this rule though.

“It may be only a mere hour, but surely the Doctor is capable enough to make his soon-to-be spouse happy in that short time. Even your own segments know better,” Pantalone continued with a smile still on his face. “I’ll even choose the outfit for you, as I’m sure you have nothing of the sort in that dreadful closet of yours.” And yes, Dottore often showed up to balls and gatherings in his same clothes, ignoring the fact they were usually formal occasions. For your sake, he really wasn’t going to let the Doctor show up to your wedding looking like… that. 

Although Dottore didn’t appreciate Regrator’s passive-aggressive words, he was beginning to understand and he hated that the man was right. Pantalone took Dottore’s silence as a sign that he had won.

“So we have a deal then?”

“Fine,” Dottore grumbled. Ah, the lengths he’d go for you…

“Splendid. I’m sure [Name] will be positively ecstatic by this. Also, the Mora will be coming out of your funding budget.”

“...What?”

—

“At long last, the raven and the butterfly swore themselves to each other, promising to allow nothing to come between their love.”

The date of your wedding had come, and Dottore had barely seen you. Yes, you had been whisked off by Columbina early in the morning to prepare for the ceremony. But he would see you soon enough.

True to his word, Pantalone had provided a suit that fit him rather well. (He could only hope that it didn’t dent his budget too much, though.) As he got ready, he wondered how you would look. He could only assume that Columbina was going to make you look your very best. Although Dottore always thought the tradition of two spouses not showing their outfits to each other until the day of the wedding was stupid, he was beginning to see the appeal of anticipation. Like after when he’s working on an experiment and the only way to progress is to wait. Actually, he thought the concept of marriage was stupid in the first place, but here he was anyway. And he never thought he would ever find himself wearing a suit, but look at him now. Ah, you really did change him, don’t you?

The venue was Zapolyarny Palace of course. There was no better place. Not only was the inside of it quite beautiful, it was the home of the Tsaritsa who would be conducting the ceremony. The wedding was to be a very private thing, with only you, him, and the God in attendance. You both preferred it that way, wanting the moment to be between only you two. So when Dottore arrived at the grand hall, he expected it to be empty, but the Tsaritsa was there before him, already standing at the altar. A smile appeared on her face once she saw him.

“My dear Harbinger, there you are,” she waved him over and he soon found himself standing next to the Archon. 

“Your Highness,” Dottore nodded his head as a form of respect while the Tsaritsa continued to hum in delight.

“Why, you look quite dashing today. I know [Name] will be overjoyed once they see you.” The Tsaritsa had been rooting for you two for a long time, and now it had finally officially come to fruition. Dottore chuckled at her words.

“I would hope so. This is the first time they’ve seen me in such attire. Speaking of, where are they?”

“They will be here soon. Columbina is fussing over them a lot. But you, are you excited Dottore?” The scholar mulled over her words. Perhaps excited was a stretch, but he was indeed looking forward to it. Perhaps it was the act of making you happy that brought him more joy than the actual marriage. Perhaps the idea of seeing the ring on your finger brought him a certain sense of possessiveness knowing others could see his claim on you. Perhaps the idea of kissing you until you couldn’t take it anymore after the wedding was appealing as well.

…Alright, maybe he was excited. The Tsaritsa seemed to notice his inner conflict.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to answer. I know exactly how my Harbinger feels about this all, anyway,” the Cryo Archon sent a knowing look to her subject, to which Dottore internally cursed himself for showing those emotions. But at that moment a door swung open and a chorus of giggles echoed into the room. Columbina’s face peered through the door before she swiftly hid herself again.

“Oh! Looks like we’ve kept them waiting.”

“Huh, Dottore is there already?”

“Yes, dear [Name], now it’s your time to shine~” There was a shuffle of feet and movement in the other room, but he could not see it as you were not near the doorway.

“W-wait! Are you sure I look okay? What if something is messed up or-”

“Darling, you’re worrying far too much. I bet Il Dottore himself will be left speechless by your beauty.”

“But- but, I don’t know, what if he doesn’t- ah, hey!” Your words were abruptly cut off as Columbina practically shoved you out of the room, nearly making you trip and then slamming the door shut with only a “good luck!” You scowled at your friend’s ill but well-intentioned treatment before immediately straightening up, knowing that the Tsaritsa and your soon-to-be husband could now see you.

And then your eyes landed on your Zandik. He was stunning. Well, he was always stunning to you, but his beauty could surely not be described by your limited vocabulary right now. The suit hugged him so perfectly, going so well with his mask. Perhaps it was because it was such a special day, but everything about him just seemed to stand out more than usual.

Little did you know, Dottore was similarly entranced by you, immediately raking his eyes over your figure and analyzing every part of you. Only that he did not outwardly show it unlike you, who stood there comically with your mouth agape. Dottore had always thought you were the most beautiful being to come into Teyvat. Not even the Gods could hold a candle to your beauty, which was certainly a high standard to meet, but you exceeded it. Perhaps it was blasphemous to compare a mere human to an almighty God, but he felt no remorse in speaking the truth.

“Dearest [Name], you look as beautiful as freshly fallen snow,” the Tsaritsa’s praise snapped you out of your stupefied daze and you composed yourself once again.

“T-thank you, Your Highness,” you gratefully accepted the praise, and then realized they were looking at you expectantly. Especially Dottore. His gaze didn’t leave you for one second as you hurried to the altar. Somehow, as you stood across from him, you were a bit embarrassed to meet his gaze. The jitters were finally settling in.

“We are gathered here today to witness the joining of [Name] and Zandik. Two people who have displayed undying love for each other for centuries,” the Archon began, sending soft looks to the two of you, and then nudging your arm to finally meet the gaze of your lover. So you hesitantly lifted your face to make eye contact with Dottore. There he stood, a smile stretched on his face.

The smile was composed of many things. Naturally, it reflected his usual assured self-confidence with a hint of a smirk. But more importantly, it contained something more real, more soft, that even you had only seen very occasionally. Although it was veiled under many layers that left it hard to see, you could see it was a smile of love. That made you grow a bit warm, and you couldn’t help the smile that crept up on your lips. 

“These two have been through the unthinkable together, and yet their bonds remain unbreakable, their love everlasting. Although they do not need marriage to prove how deep their love is for each other, today they will make it official.” The Tsaritsa kept her words short and sweet. She knew either of you did not care for all of the long, boring, drawn-out details. You two just really wanted to get married. And it was better for you to profess your vows in private. She knew her Harbinger would hold his words back in her presence. She then turned to you and asked the question you saw coming, motioning for you two to hold hands. Dottore still wore gloves, but this pair was thinner than his usual ones.

“Do you take Zandik to be your husband? To love and cherish him above all else?”

“I do,” you replied with no hesitation. The God then turned to Dottore.

“Do you take [Name] to be your spouse? To love and cherish them regardless of what may happen?”

“I do,” you could see his shark teeth peeking out from his mouth. The Tsaritsa nodded in acknowledgment of the answers.

“By the power vested within me as the Tsaritsa, the Cryo Archon of Snezhnaya, I now pronounce you as a lawfully wedded couple,” the Tsaritsa said seriously before she switched to a more lighthearted tone. “You may now kiss,” she smiled at the two of you. And then Dottore leaned in for the kiss first, catching you off guard but you eagerly reciprocated. You had intended for it to be a short but sweet kiss, considering the Tsaritsa was right there, but it seemed like Dottore had other plans, as he deepened the kiss. Highly aware of the Cryo God’s amused stare, you tried to mumble a protest against your sealed lips and gripped your husband’s suit harder to get him to stop embarrassing you. But this only made the Archon laugh.

“It is always lovely to see a couple so passionately in love. How beautiful,” the Tsaritsa grinned, giving her last blessing before Dottore finally pulled away from you. “But, I will not intrude on the newlyweds' time any longer. Please, I hope you enjoy the rest of the day, and may it remain eternal in your memories,” the Tsaritsa smiled knowingly at the two of you before making her exit. She was indeed the God of Love. Only you and your new husband remained in the spacious hall now, and a silence swept into the room. Well, what does one say or do after getting married?

“Zandik-”

“Ah ah, we still have one thing to do.” He then produced two boxes presumably with rings inside.

“Oh! The rings!” You had forgotten about that until now, with all of the things that had happened.

“Give me your hand, dear.” Oh, it always gave you butterflies when he called you a pet name. He was really in a good mood. You stuck out your hand and he popped the box open, revealing a gorgeous ring, a dazzling blue jewel in the center. You were definitely going to end up with a sore lip, from how much you were biting it to stop smiling so hard. Dottore then slipped the ring onto your finger with ease, a perfect fit of course. It was no surprise he knew your measurements without having to ask. But now it was your turn. 

You fiddled with his ring in your hand. It was a lot simpler than your one, probably because he did not care much for such extravagance on himself, and he would most likely keep it stored away rather than on his finger for obvious reasons. He definitely did not want the blood of a random person dirtying it…

With bated breath, you tenderly grasped his fingers and slipped the band onto him. It was done, and you were incredibly pleased.

“My husband,” you smiled.

“My darling,” he reciprocated your affections and was about to speak again when you suddenly launched yourself at him, hugging him with as much strength as you could muster.

“You’re mine, all mine. My husband,” you repeated the words as they felt so good on your tongue. Your husband wrapped an arm around you, stroking your hair.

“I have always been yours,” he replied like this was old news. But if becoming your husband would help solidify that for you, then this was well worth it, Dottore thought. “And you have always been mine. It will never change.” He felt you smile and giggle into his chest before you pulled away, a truly happy expression on your face.

“See? I was true to my word, wasn’t I? Quick and simple, just the two of us. You liked it, didn’t you?” Oh, you were just begging for praise now. But he would entertain you, just for today.

“Indeed, it was an efficient ceremony. But I’d say the best part was seeing you like this,” Dottore commented as he ran his hands over your chest, admiring the smaller details about your attire and how well it hugged you. “Very alluring,” he rumbled. You ignored the heat rising up your body as you returned the compliment.

“Well, I could say the same thing about you, love. I would have never guessed you would have greeted me in such an outfit,” you traced your fingers over his tie, resisting the urge to yank on it to kiss him. That could wait for later because right now you were shamelessly staring at him in it.

“Well, I can assure you that you’ll have another chance to further examine me later,” he chuckled at your prying gaze, “but for now, give me your hand.” You looked at him questioningly but agreed when he pulled you closer yet again.

“Did you know? It is customary for newlyweds to dance at their weddings. That is something you would enjoy, no?”

“Oh! I’d love to! But we don’t know how to dance, do we?” Dottore grinned widely, his pointy teeth nipping his lip, making you question him.

“Wait, you know how to dance?”

“Of course. Being a Harbinger means acquiring a vast variety of skills.”

“You never told me that!”

“You never asked.”

“Well, it’s not something I would normally ask you! You should have told me,” you huffed. 

“Now I’m going to look dumb, with my lack of dancing skills compared to you.” Your husband chuckled.

“Do not fret. I will guide you.” He raised your already clasped hands higher until you two were in basic form. Well, as best as you could, because there was not only your inexperience, but your illness made it hard to keep up such a stance. 

And you two danced. If it could be called dancing, considering the amount of time you stepped on his feet or even tripped, along with the multitude of apologies. But it didn’t matter. It was fun, and your laughter rang out loudly in the grand hall. It didn’t matter that it came to a point when your feet couldn’t handle it anymore, you still let yourself be twirled and adored by your new husband, enjoying the first delight of being married.

—

“The hearts of the raven and butterfly were undeniably together as one, which led to great joy for the two of them.”

Alright, you had to admit it. Dottore was right. Outwardly, it seemed like nothing much had changed about your relationship. Life was really the same routine. Your illness and his duties still existed after all. But that was okay! Change does not need to be seen to occur. Perhaps the change happened within you both. Your heart was certainly lighter now. But it would certainly make you happier to partake in some more “domestic” activities, now that you two were a married couple. Though you obviously weren’t going to bring that up to your husband. He already has enough to do, after all! Still working on the cure to your illness too, without rest…

… 

…Well, you shouldn’t think about it too much! You should believe in your husband, no matter what happens. And speaking of, it seemed like your wish for domesticity would be granted without you asking, for one day Dottore came to you with a request.

“[Name], I require your assistance.” Those few words had you immediately intrigued because it was rare that Dottore asked you for your help since most of the stuff he needed help with was far beyond your ability now. Naturally, you were eager to please him.

“I need you to help me…” you held your breath in anticipation, “cook.” 

Huh? In disbelief, you could not help but repeat his words.

“You want me to help you cook? Like a meal?”

“Yes, that’s correct,” Dottore replied, dead serious. You had to hold back your laughter.

“But… why?” Dottore let out a sigh and rubbed his temples.

“Regrator has forced my hand into doing frivolous nonsense for the sake of his games once again. What happened was…” Dottore then went on to explain the conversation he had with the Ninth Harbinger. Apparently, they had gotten into one of their usual prickly discussions, and somehow it had turned into a list of things the other could not do, and cooking had been brought up. Of course, not wanting to appear inferior to the other Harbinger (who was surprisingly a decent cook) declared himself as an okay one too. Pantalone, who loved to be as petty as possible when it came to his co-worker (and could probably detect the lie anyway), requested him to demonstrate his skills to him. If he was a good cook like he claimed, then it would surely be no issue, right? He wouldn’t mind putting his budget on the line, right?

Now, this was one of the very few times Dottore regretted lying for the sake of his goals. That was definitely worth a long laugh, you thought, as you couldn’t hold in your laughter anymore. Dottore was not amused in the slightest. But then you had a thought. You wondered if Pantalone did this on purpose so that you could enjoy the domestic life with your husband. He was very perceptive when it came to these things after all. Maybe you were reaching with that but… you thanked him silently anyway.

“So your plan is to have me help you cook, and then pass it off as if you did all of it? Well, I certainly won’t say no. But I worry for you… I still remember what happened in the Akademiya.” You don’t want to think about the dreadful times of Zandik ruining the dorm’s kitchen when he tried to cook.

“It will be alright. I will follow your lead.” Oh, being in charge of Dottore for a few hours? Well, now you really couldn’t pass up this opportunity. 

For the dish, you had decided to go with something you were familiar with. Samosas. You remember making them for Zandik quite often in the Akademiya. In fact, it was the first dish you cooked for him and one of the things that won him over. Those were good times.

Although, your hands were still not the best at dealing with stuff in the kitchen. They were shaky and you could possibly hurt yourself. So instead you decided to guide him through the technical part of the process. Thankfully, Dottore’s expertise with a scalpel came in handing while cutting ingredients. So that part wasn’t too hard. You just had to ignore how your body warmed when you had to place your hands over his to show him how to properly do it.

Surprisingly, he was rather non-combative as you instructed him what to do, the spices to add, how to mix and add the ingredients, and whatnot. It was rather cute, really, to see him try so hard. The only problem was that he still fucking blew it, smoke filling the room (you had no idea how that could happen) and you had to do it yourself (with him standing protectively next to you as if the food and fire were going to jump out and attack you.) 

At least shaping and rolling out the dough was a less challenging task for him… though it seemed like he lacked the patience and delicateness needed for the rest of it, so he opted to rest his hands around your waist, face nuzzled into the crook of your neck as he observed your handiwork. It was a little bit crooked, considering your shaky hands, but far better than whatever Dottore was doing. And although you welcomed the weight of his chest pressed against your back, you weren’t really sure why he continued to look since this wasn’t all that interesting.

“Dottore, you know you don’t need to stay? I can tell you when the samosas are done, I know you’re busy.” Your husband seemed to playfully ponder your words.

“I’d prefer to observe the skillfulness of my spouse.” The fact that he wanted to stay with you made you smile.

“From this position of all? Mhm, sure thing,” you hummed in amusement as his arms tightened around you.

The domestic life was a good one.

(Pantalone took one look at the samosas and instantly knew the Doctor could have never made them, but did not say a word, for his goal had been accomplished.)

After that, strangely enough, there were a few more events that you would consider “domestic.” They weren’t frequent, no, but you wouldn’t say they were thinly sparse. One of your favorites had just been a few days ago.

“Eh? You want to… read a book with me?” You had absolutely no idea why Dottore suddenly entered your room as night fell with only that request. You were surprised by this as he never took an interest in your novels. Although you took an interest in his scientific texts every now and then, you still preferred your silly fictional novels. It was nice to escape to another world. But that wasn’t the point right now.

“That’s correct.”

“But why?”

“Why not? Is it so strange that I want to learn more about what occupies my lover’s time so much?”

“Well… no,” you admitted. You were caught off guard at first, but of course, you’d happily agree. “Okay, you can choose any book you want,” you motioned to your shelves which was home to numerous other things than books as well. Dottore looked at the variety of books you had before choosing one at random, wiping the dust off. You two then got comfortable in bed, your back pressed snugly against his chest as he held the book open in front of you. Looking at the title, you couldn’t seem to remember what this one was about, so it would definitely be nice to reread it with your husband. 

As he began to read the first few pages, your mind began to recall bits and pieces of the book. And that’s when it hit you. You remember this book had a… particularly passionate kissing scene right at the very beginning that had your face a little hot the first time you read it. Oh, you definitely did not want Dottore to know that! Why did he have to choose this book out of all the ones there? At this realization, you began to grow antsy between his arms.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just realized, we should probably stop reading this book.”

“Why?” 

“Um, you see, this is actually the second book in the series. So we need to read the first book first in order to understand it.” The poor excuse flew off your tongue.

“Where is this first book, then?”

“Well, I don’t own it…”

“So you read the second book without reading the first?”

“Erm, yes, I did actually… and I’m warning you now so you aren’t confused like I was! It’s for your own sake.” Okay, now you had dug yourself in a hole because that was obviously a blatant lie.

“You’re hiding something,” Dottore observed after blankly staring at you for a few moments, before swiftly moving the book out of your reach and flipping through the pages, to which you protested obviously giving yourself away. But it was too late.

“Oh? What do we have here?” He quickly scanned a few pages, his grin only growing larger and larger as you hid your face. But Dottore found it extremely amusing if anything.

“Why, I would have never thought this is the kind of stuff you read. Perhaps there is more that I don’t know about you than I thought,” he teased, causing a loud groan to emit from you. A part of you wondered if he planned this, from the way he was already moving in to nip at your earlobe.

“Tell me, did you come in here because you actually wanted to read or just tease me?” You pouted as he cupped your chin, bringing you close for a kiss, to which you happily reciprocated, albeit a bit peeved.

“I guess you’ll never know,” Dottore smirked before enveloping you in his arms and pushing you down onto the bed, capturing your lips once again. “But I am curious to find out how realistic those scenes could be.”

Needless to say, a lot more kissing than reading got done that day.

—

“The raven and butterfly’s happiness continued for much longer. But of course, every creature is aware that nothing lasts forever, and even the lightning in the sky would agree with that statement. All fairytales must come to an end. That was no different for the raven and the butterfly.”

Ah. The time had flown by rather quickly, Nahida thought. Already she was nearly at the end of this tale, despite how lengthy it was. For some reason, that always seemed to happen whenever she tried to retell this particular chronicle. But now, she was ready once again to see this story to the very end, as always.

However, her gentle heart still cannot help but feel a little bit of pity for the two of you, knowing how this tale ends.

[wyverewings]

Gonna post a sort of story based on a batshit insane Pokémon headcanon I have

And it’s all based on this pic

Yes, you’re reading it right, my brain connected some weird ass dots. And I’ve even made a backstory for them in my brain which I’ll read now!

(just to clarify since some of my moots were confused: Latiaos canonically are a proper species with multiple specimens, there are mentions of them having flocks in the Pokédex and in the Japanese version of the Heroes movie it’s directly shown theres multiple of them. A lot of you probably know but this is just for those who don’t)

So! Pretty much all of my Pokémon stuff is set in the same universe, which I’m calling the Therianverse because a good amount of the protagonists in the stories are shapeshifting Pokemon who take human form

One of the main things in this AU is that pretty much all Pokémon are unambiguously sapient, and also are allowed to be trainers.

Now that I’ve explained how this universe works, I’ll talk about these fellas

In the Sevii Archipelago, there lived a couple, named Melusine and Luster. Sometimes, they would visit towns for a bit before disappearing for a while, then visiting different towns. They were kind folks, so they were a welcome sight whenever they appeared. One could always recognize them by the mysterious orbs they wore on wrist bracelets, but no one could’ve known that these were in fact, the key to their disguises.

The orbs, properly known as Soul Dew, were objects with amazing magical powers, including the ability to shapeshift. The couple were in fact Latiaos, flying from island to island. Of course, this probably wouldn’t have changed most people’s opinions that much, but the couple did have reason to worry…

At one point, they would disappear for a much longer time than usual. In fact, this time was years. People thought that they would have left, of course. But they hadn’t. They still disguised themselves, though, they needed to keep their children safe, after all.

The twins were to stay home, for they didn’t get the grasp of shapeshifting for a while. Their parents were happy to help, though, and soon enough, they would go out to meet the world. The parents would “return”, this time with their children, and the story that they had moved to raise their children elsewhere.

The children were very much adored by the townsfolk, and led happy lives with their parents. So it was a bit of a shock when their parents would have a second pair of babies.

They weren’t particularly excited about this new development, worried that they wouldn’t be as loved anymore. Of course, their parents would assure them that they were okay, but the children wouldn’t accept this.

At some point, the parents would actually leave to meet with their friends far away. The children and the townsfolk knew it wasn’t for long though, especially since they said that they’d only be gone for a few days.

When a few days passed by, they didn’t return.

When a week passed by, they didn’t return.

When a month passed by, they didn’t return.

Of course, the worst was assumed. Their children were especially hurt, not helped by the fact that they would have to raise their siblings. Fortunately, some of their family friends offered to help them raise the new siblings.

Just under a year later, the new children would hatch, and were given the Soul Dews that their parents had made before their birth.

Seven years would pass. The two older children had found their names (AN: in this au, pokemon culture has pokemon name themselves rather than their parents do so): Lucian and Lorelei. They were around 17 years of age, two years after one could legally become a Trainer. Neither was particularly interested in the prospect, as they still had to help raise their little siblings. And their siblings were starting to become clawfulls with their mischief and curiousity.

So at night, the little siblings had begun a routine of flying around at night when people wouldn’t see them. (Their big siblings knew because y’know, psychics, but couldn’t really stop them from that) But one night, they flew all the way into morning, when there were people to see them… Specifically, Team Rocket.

Suddenly, they were struck by something, and fell from the sky. When they realized what had happened, they tried to escape, but one had been hit by a Sticky Web and couldn’t move themself. So their twin would help them get out, leaving themself vulnerable to capture.

One escaped from the web. The other didn’t return home.

The elder siblings had a feeling something like this would happen, but they at least hoped that it would involve both of the twins returning and them getting a lecture. But a lecture would be too cruel now. They had to do something. They knew their little sibling would be safe with their caretakers and understand to be careful. They would set off in the dead of night to rescue their lost sibling.

This, however, was still a cruelty to the sibling who was abandoned, they had thought their siblings hated them so much that they didn’t want to deal with them anymore. And for several years, they would live in guilt… until they received a mysterious vision.

There’s more to the story, but that’s the basic backstory. Fortunately all the siblings have nicer lives now, Lorelei became part of the Kanto-Johto Elite Four and retired, Lucian stayed on the Sinnoh E4, Will escaped kidnapping (though losing two of his eyes in the process) and would become part of the Kanto-Johto E4 once Lorelei retired, and Anabel would reunite with her twin and also make amends with her elder siblings (though it did kinda generally make them bitter) and also joined the Hoenn Battle Frontier, and also is Looker’s assistant with his detective stuff, though that’s more relevant to the Sun/Moon part of this AU.

For some clarification: the parents are probably dead, haven’t quite figured that out yet. Also I had the idea that Latiaos can change their scale color depending on their gender identity, and since Will and Anabel are nonbinary they’re purple :]

[maximons]

All Is Lost

Summary: Zombies have taken over the world, humanity on the edge of extinction. All hope was lost. Despite that, Wanda couldn’t seem to let go of Y/n, who had fallen victim to the plague herself.

Word Count: 2,263

Genre: Angst

Requested?: No

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, death, cannibalism, suicide, mentions of blood. Spoilers for Ep. 5 of What If...?

A/N: I know, I know, I’m gonna get into the stuff I promised soon. But for now, the Zombies episode inspired me and this came out. If you haven’t seen the episode yet, go watch it. Its amazing and depressing. Also this is DARK guys, probably the darkest thing I’ve ever written, so...Happy Reading!

The Zombie apocalypse was always something everyone joked about, but never something that anyone could actually predict.

Everything happened so quickly, Wanda could barely keep up. It’s hard to believe that everything was so normal only two weeks ago. Now, she was locked away with Vision in an abandoned military base in New Jersey. Desperate to survive for as long as possible while Vision worked on a cure.

Some of his experiments had been a success, most notably Scott Lang who he was able to revert back from his zombified state. However, the man was now only a severed head.

Despite the success, Vision was less than optimistic. For one, Scott was one of the first infected. While the cure worked on him, the android theorized that the disease has mutated greatly since then, and it was likely impossible to cure everyone. And even if he could, the technology to do so is beyond human comprehension and therefore doesn’t exist.

Vision might have all but given up hope, but Wanda didn’t. She couldn’t. She refused to give up on you.

Wanda and you have been best friends for as long as Wanda had been an Avenger. You were already a member of the team and greeted her with an open mind and open arms, despite all she had done. You had fire powers, and while your powers weren’t identical to Wanda’s, you still offered some basic tips and tricks to keep such explosive powers at bay.

It wasn’t a surprise that she fell in love with you.

But her stupid fear had to get in the way, and when you came to confess your own feelings for her, she panicked and rejected you. You were so heartbroken, Wanda didn’t need to read your mind to know that.

And it kills her everyday knowing that that was the last interaction she had with you. The last one with you as yourself anyway.

All that remained now was the flesh hungry, blood thirsty monster that wore your, now rotting, skin.

This wasn’t you, she knows that. She looked into your mind and saw no trace of the woman you once were, the one she loved with all her heart. She couldn’t feel you, you were gone.

Despite this, Wanda couldn’t let you go. She couldn’t handle losing you entirely. She already lost almost everyone.

She managed to convince Vision to keep you in the base for testing. You were locked behind a large steel door, with only a window to see you through. But you were here, and that’s all Wanda cared about.

The cure wasn’t working for you. Your powers caused it to incinerate when it entered your system, proving it to be ineffective. Still, she refused to give up.

Vision thought it best to terminate you after the failed tests, but Wanda begged him not to. Knowing he couldn’t overpower her, and sensing his friend’s distress with anything that comes to you, he agreed. As long as Wanda had it under control.

She doubted he knew that she was luring innocent survivors into the base so you could feed on them, but she did what she had to do.

Wanda spent most of her days sitting outside of your cell. The first few days, you were ravenous. Banging on the walls and trying to burn them down, growling and screeching with the inhuman noise that took over your vocal chords, but you didn’t manage to break free. After a while, it seemed you have given up, and just sat in place. Only moving when Wanda opened the cell and let some of your ‘food’ in.

There were times where Wanda thought that maybe, just maybe, the cure was working more than they thought. You seemed to have recognized her, your facial expressions formed into ones that she had recognized and missed dearly. But that hope quickly died when she would peek into your head and still sense nothing.

“Hey, Y/n.” Wanda walked up to outside your cell and sat cross-legged like she did everyday. Your head rose, staring at her with your now glowing yellow eyes. “Still no progress on the cure, but don’t worry, I’m not giving up yet.” You offered no response, not that she expected one. “It’s hard. It’s only getting worse out there...” She sighed as she trailed off. She raised her hand to the glass, like she always did. “I’m going to figure it out...we’re gonna get you back to normal, and I’m going to tell you every day how much I love you. I miss you so much, but...we’re almost there. I can feel it...” Wanda’s voice started choking up, as tears ran down her face. “We deserve our happy ending.”

Her hand was still pressed against the glass as she finished her speech. She was about to lower it, but then something unexpected happened. You stared at her hand curiously, beginning to raise your own. Wanda watched, smile forming on her face as your arm made it’s way to the glass. 

“Wanda! Please come here, we have a situation.” You had almost pressed your hand against Wanda’s, when Vision’s voice interrupted. Your attention turned to the direction it came from and you let out a growl, clearly angry at the interruption. Wanda sighed in disappointment, but she tried not to let it take over. You still showed massive improvement, something worth reporting back to Vision. “It’s okay.” She soothed you. “I’m going to go see what he wants then I’ll be right back, okay? I know you’re hungry, I’ll get you some food too.” You didn’t offer a response as she walked off.

“Vis! I have to tell you-” Wanda began as she walked into the main room, but cut herself off at the new faces. She didn’t recognize the bald woman with the spear or the wimpy looking man in a workers uniform, but she was familiar with Peter. What surprised her most though, was Bruce Banner. A man she hasn’t seen in over three years. “What is going on?”

“I ran into them outside the premises. Apparently word has gotten out about the cure.” Vision answered before turning his attention back to the guests. “As I told you, I am afraid we cannot help you. The cure seems to be a moot point.”

“Well, what about-” Peter began, but he was interrupted by a new voice.

“For something you have no hope for, you sure don’t have a problem bringing in new test subjects.” Wanda recognized Bucky Barnes’ voice. She turned around, and her eyes widened as she saw King T’challa on his arm, struggling to stand on his one remaining leg.

Shit.

“My king! We thought you dead.” The bald woman exclaimed in relief and surprise.

“Your highness. I was not aware you were in the base.” Vision said, confused on how that got by him. It didn’t take him long to figure out why. “Wanda...”

“I’m sorry.” Wanda whispered, knowing she was caught. “The cure wasn’t working on Y/n, and in order to keep her at bay, I had to feed her.”

“So you fed her our King?” A spear was raised to her throat, threateningly.

“It was nothing personal, I promise. I have her under control and the cure is starting to work, I know it. We just need a little more time!”

“Why not just kill her? You lured innocent people to their deaths just for her when there a couple million more Zombies out there that you could use for testing. Ones that have a chance of being cured.” The whole room went quiet after Bucky said that.

“Uh oh. Shouldn’t have said that.” Wanda heard Scott say, but she was too busy glaring at Bucky. Her eyes started to go red, but before she could do anything, she noticed the spear held to her throat begin to glow red and melt. The woman dropped the spear as it began to burn her hands.

“Did it just suddenly get like, super hot?” Peter asked as he began to fan himself.

“Oh no...” Wanda trailed off. She looked up to notice the steal walls that led to your cell begin to melt. “You’ve done it now...she hasn’t eaten in days.” Before anyone could respond, the steel doors melted completely. The man in the uniform was unfortunate enough to be standing in front of it, as a strong burst of flame shot out and incinerated him on the spot. Only a second later, you flew out the door, covered in flames as you hovered above everyone.

Wanda watched in horror as you began to fight everyone. They weren’t holding up very well, and that’s when Wanda finally realized what she had done. This wasn’t you, and if you were still here, you would hate to see your body be used to attack and kill others.

“Vision! Get us out of here!” She heard Bruce yell, and Vision shot a blast towards the wall, blowing it up and letting everyone out. Wanda turned her focus back to you, you watched them starting to escape and you began to fly after them, but a red mist surrounded you before you could. You turned your head, starting to growl, but stopped when you saw it was Wanda.

“Y/n. Stop...” You tilted your head, still struggling to move as Wanda came closer. She took a chance and reached up, gently placing a hand on your face. “I am so sorry...you never deserved this...” Your face softened at the touch, beginning to show the signs of emotion that Wanda desperately held onto. However, it was clear now that it was too late.

You snapped out of it, as you managed to break free from Wanda’s hold. You opened your mouth wide, intent on biting and feeding on her, but something stopped you. You hesitated, and Wanda noticed. You settled for pushing her aside to the ground as you reignited yourself and flew out of the base.

Wanda picked herself up after a moment, intent on stopping you. She ran past Okoye’s body, charred and eaten, but she was sure there was little time until she turned. She ran faster to where you were, now facing off against Bucky. She sprinted further, about to take off and fly when she paused.

Vision was face down on the ground. She kneeled next to him, glowing red hand turning over his body, afraid of what she’ll see. Once he was turned, Wanda gasped at the sight. The mind stone was torn out of his head.

“Oh no...no, no, no...��� She held his body, tears slowly building as she mourned the loss of her best friend. She had officially lost everything. “I am so sorry Vis...I’m going to make this right, I promise.”

She heard Bucky scream. She looked over to see you start to feed on him. She saw Bruce, Peter, Scott and T’challa in the distance, making their way to the jet. They were your next target.

No. Wanda wasn’t going to let that happen. It ends now.

She used her powers to propel herself forward, landing directly in your path. You growled at her yet again as she used her powers to hold you. “Y/n...please, stop.” You struggled to get out of the hold, but Wanda held on. “This isn’t you...you wouldn’t want this...I love you more than anything, and I’m so sorry...I hope one day, you’ll forgive me.” 

Wanda used her powers to grab the gun laying by Bucky’s side. She held in to your head, ready to pull the trigger...but she couldn’t. She let out a scream of frustration and dropped her hold on both you and the gun. The gun fell to the ground, but you haven’t moved.

“I can’t do it...I...I’m not strong enough...” Wanda began crying, shutting her eyes and waited for you to finish her off. She failed everyone, no one deserved death more than her. She opened her eyes when nothing came. You stood, staring at her with a tilt of your head. The yellow of your eyes dimming as you stared.

“W....Wan...” You struggled to let out, but it was enough for Wanda to hear. She cried even harder. She was right, you were almost there...but it was too late now.

You took in your surroundings as best you could, you didn’t have a lot of awareness, but you knew enough to piece everything together. You saw the influx of zombies starting to enter to base.  Everyone needed to get away. You turned back to Wanda, and you knew what you had to do. You felt the little control you had start to slip away.

You bent down and picked up the discarded gun. You shakily pointed it to your temple, the control slipping away faster and faster. “Love....you....I...sorry...” You managed to croak out. Before you could lose control completely, you pulled the trigger.

Wanda watched in horror as you shot yourself in the head. Pieces of your brain landing on her, your blood drenching her. She looked down to see your body, half your face still together, but you were gone. Truly gone.

She knelt down sobbing, as she held your body. After a moment she looked up to see the Hulk appear as the zombies began to overwhelm the base. She saw the jet take off, and she gave a weak smile. They got away. Wanda’s job was done. This is where her story ends. All was lost for her.

So when the zombies finally reached her, she didn’t fight back. Accepting her death with open arms.

Epilogue

[shreddedparchment]

A Wife for Thor Pt.19

The True Heir

03/09/2021

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader          Word Count: 5,781

Warnings: angst, depression, pregnancy, marital troubles, pining

A/N: There is very little editing. Forgive me. I’m sleepy. I’ve been up writing all night. I’ve also been hurting, but it’s all good! I’m so happy to get this chapter out. *insert evil laugh* If you happen to reblog, thank you so much for helping me spread my work! it truly means so much, more than you know. xoxo

Sunday

Today you do nothing.

You’d opened up your laptop last night and attempted to scribble a few lines for your next book, but all you could think about was Thor, Jane, the babies to come, and where exactly you fit amongst all of it.

After typing Thor’s name along with a few other random words for the tenth time, you gave up and shut the laptop. You’d crawled into bed, bundled up under your fluffy comforter, and bid goodbye to the world as you caved in to unconsciousness.

The fact that morning is here, you find that your hope for today to be better than  yesterday was silly. How can anything ever be good again?

You place your hands on your lower tummy, caressing what feels like a very slight swell. It’s just barely harder than the rest of your stomach. Firm. Despite the happiness that your baby brings you, you stare across the room at your computer and can’t find it in you to get up and work.

Instead you roll over onto your other side and pull Thor’s--that is to say, the one he’d used while he was here--pillow over to cling to.

Thor’s texts are also still fresh in your mind.

Sleep didn’t dull their effect on you or the confusion they raised.

Did they mean that he wouldn’t get an annulment? That’s sorta what you were getting from them. His declarations that he couldn’t live without you and that he would die for you and that he missed you so much at his side sounded like he was also telling himself how he felt. As if he were, not so much convincing, but reaffirming what he already knew.

You reach over and switch your phone on, clicking through to your messages to find that Thor must have stolen his phone back from Loki at some point.

Thor: Good morning, my cherub. I hope you slept well.

Thor: I could hardly sleep with you absent beside me.

Thor: Our bed is too big without you in it.

Thor: Have you seen the doctor yet? You’ll text me as soon as you get a diagnosis, won’t you? I’ll be waiting.

Thor: Loki insists that I give you some distance to rest but being apart from you is torture.

Thor: Would you be very angry with me if I came to see you?

Thor: I have some things I must deal with here before I can go though. Loki is right. I should allow you rest and fix things here before I come to you.

Thor: Are you still sleeping, cherub? I’m sorry if my messages are disturbing you. I haven’t gone this long without talking to you since...I wish I’d met you years ago. When things weren’t so complicated.

Thor: Would you have let me court you even though I am the God of Thunder? Future King of Asgard? Would you have married me when I came back with my people to live here on Earth?

Thor: I think if I had to choose all over again, you’re still the only woman equal to the task of being my Queen.

Thor: And the love that has grown between us is...I will never take it for granted…

As you read that last message, you assume he wants to say he won’t take it for granted again. He’s already let it slip through his fingers, although he doesn’t know it yet.

Thor: Perhaps this can be that break you were talking of. For our baby? Maybe we do need a little bit of relaxation to let our bodies recover?

Thor: And yet, I can’t wait to start a family with you, cherub.

You’re bawling all over again, your eyes flooding with tears as you bury your face into his pillow and sob loudly.

He’d said that he missed your body next to his. You can relate. You want to feel the heavy fall of his chest, the deep breaths that fill his lungs and escape through his lips in a quiet little snore that always makes you cuddle into his side.

Normally, he’d respond by turning to face you and holding you right up against his chest.

The comfort that simple thing would give you right now when your heart is aching so painfully is what you so desperately need. But...you’re so angry too. You don’t want him near you.

The images that flood your mind are torture. Mixtures of pleasant, happy moments now marred by the betrayal and anger that has taken hold of your heart.

You bury your face into the pillow and scream until your throat really does go hoarse. Frustration at the force of change you’ve had to make in the past twenty-four hours.

You’re startled back to the present when your phone rings. You make a small attempt  to clear your throat then answer and the absolute gravel voice you use settles any wondering as to whether your illness is real.

“Hello?” you whisper, clearing your throat to no avail.

“Oh, cherub, you sound terrible.”

Your heart panics. How are you supposed to talk to him?

You don’t want to talk to him.

“I can’t really talk,” you say weakly hoping he’ll take the hint.

“Did the doctor see you already?” Thor asks, his worry evident in the quiet tone of his voice.

“Yes, he gave me some medicine and told me to try not to talk,” you lie, surprisingly easy right now since you don’t want to talk.

For your emotional sanity, you need to hang up soon.

“I’m so sorry, love. I wish I could take this illness from you. Where’s David? I’d like to talk to him.”

You panic again, floundering as you cough and clear your throat to buy some time.

“He’s not here. He went to the store to get some groceries,” you hope he buys it.

“I’ll call him a little later then. If you need anything, let me know. I’ll get it for you.”

“Thanks, Thor,” you mumble, suddenly not wanting to hang up.

How can one person give you so much ease and worry all at once? How can he be your source of agony and comfort at the same time? It’s not fair.

“I have so much to tell you, but...now is not the right time. You need to get better first.”

Nevermind! Fuck this guy. Your heart sinks.

“I have to go,” you tell him, hoping he’ll just hang up and leave you be now.

“Very well. I love you, cherub.”

How do you answer him without giving anything away just yet?

“Me too,” you choose. And it’s true.

Even if he’s torn your heart into pieces, he’s still the father of your baby and you still love him.

Whatever madness overcame him when he’d suggested to Loki getting an annulment was the best course of action seems to have passed. Loki must be right about him.

“Bye, Thor,” you whimper.

“Bye, Y/N,” he says your name, making your heart quake a bit.

You hang up and quickly dial up David.

He answers after two rings.

“Hello? How is my favorite girl in the whole wide world?”

He sounds amused by something, or just happy. It’s such a difference to how you feel at the moment that it breaks you and you sob again, renewing your tears.

“Y/N? What’s the matter?” David demands, clearly now beginning to fret over the way you sound.

You tell him everything. Somehow you manage to get it all out minus one important detail and when you’re done recounting the most horrible night of your life, David sighs heavily and you can almost picture him settling into a deep armchair with massive worry weighing on his shoulders.

“Well, the good thing is, if he goes through with an annulment, you’re to be given a monthly allowance for the rest of your life. It was a condition in your contract, should Thor change his mind about marrying you. But he didn’t so it was moot, until now. You will be a very rich woman. More so than the small fortune you originally inherited.

“I know that money is hardly a consolation for the man that you love-” David sighs again. “Perhaps he said it in madness? He must have been very upset. Caught by surprise?” David offers.

“Even if he doesn’t mean it or doesn’t go through with it, I know that for you the point is the thought was there.

“However, I do think we must make allowances for Thor. I’m sorry to say. He is a king and he’s responsible for his entire people. A baby would give them security. Stability. A legitimate heir would tie them to Earth forever.

“We musn’t make light of his choices. This isn’t a common situation to find one’s self in. For either of you.”

“David, I’m pregnant.” You finally explain, knowing that it will maybe just show him a little bit more of what you’re facing. “I went to tell Thor and that’s when I overheard them.”

For a moment he’s speechless. When he speaks again, his voice is heightened.

“Congratulations! I-I knew it would happen eventually. The timing is a little-”

“I haven’t told him yet, clearly.”

Silence again. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I was so happy when I went to tell him and then I heard their conversation and I-I just can’t find the strength to do it right now. Not until I know whether he wants the annulment.”

David breathes in deeply and then exhales slowly into the phone. His breath is light and soft.

“You’re afraid that he will only stay with you because of the child,” a statement.

David knows you better than anyone else in your life. It’s not surprising that he’d make the leap so quickly.

“He’s willing to leave me and marry Jane because of her baby. It’s possible that he’ll stay by my side only because of our baby and I’d rather he do what’s best for our people than to stay with me because of a sense of obligation.”

“It could be that Jane will not want him. She might keep her child away from the Asgardian royal court. Didn’t she refuse to marry him because she didn’t want to be Queen?” David’s voice is pensive. “This might all feel much larger than it is. I suggest you take some time to really think through your actions before making any decisions.”

“I’m not going to never tell him, David. He’s the father of my child. He has to know that he has two and not just the one. I don’t think I could do that to him. I could never keep him from his children.

“Either of them.”

“You are magnanimous, Y/N. More than even I thought you were capable of.”

“Bullshit. I ran away and am refusing to see him until I get my week of space,” you nod firmly. “But David-?”

“Tell me,” he urges you, recognizing your tone of anguish.

“I-I know that I accepted this marriage hesitantly. It wasn’t like I asked for it and you know how I felt before Thor asked me to marry him. You know how s-scared I was about marrying someone who was in love with someone else, and now...now he’s-”

“He’s married to you, Y/N. Not Ms. Foster. And from what I have been able to see, he does love you. Not Jane. This is a temporary setback. If you’re angry at him, be angry at him. Don’t pretend you aren’t. If you’re hurt, show it. Wear your heart on your sleeve.

“Loving someone is one of life’s greatest blessings. Sometimes that love doesn’t last, sometimes it takes a beating. But you must choose whether your love is worth fighting for.

“You’ve also got obligations that you cannot escape from. Duties to your people as their Queen.”

“Assuming Thor doesn’t leave me and take my crown,” you scoff.

“I’m with your brother-in-law. I don’t think it will come to that. I think Thor was a little shocked and thrown by Ms. Foster’s news. Now that he has had some time to think, I believe he’ll do right by you and when you tell him, your child.”

“I won’t tell him until he makes up his mind,” you insist.

“That is your prerogative. Do what you need to. What can I do to help? What do you need from me?”

“Just be prepared for any eventuality. I’m not sure what’s going to happen at the end of this week. Oh, and if Thor calls you--just make something up and tell me what you say. He thinks you drove me from the airport and have been staying with me.”

“Using me as your alibi so that your husband won’t come looking for you,” David clicks his tongue. “How much detail shall I give him?”

“You’ve got a job too, just tell him you’re coming and going. Tony had his staff install some security on the house after the honeymoon. I’m safe here. He’ll believe that I’m safe if that’s all you say.

“Anyway, I need to go. I have two more calls to make before I can relax and enjoy my break from the throne.”

“If you need anything, you know how to reach me. Anything, Y/N. I mean it.”

“Thanks, David. I can always count on you,” you smile.

Just a tiny one. A very subtle curve at the corners of your lips.

“Well, you do pay me,” he jokes, which actually pulls a small laugh from you.

“Right. Bye, David.”

“Goodbye, Your Majesty.”

You take only a minute to think about your conversation with David before you make the most important calls of your week in solitude.

The first one is simple. Just a reminder of doctor-patient confidentiality. He understands what you’re saying even if he doesn’t practice by that mentality.

Dr. Wilson’s phone call is more difficult. She wants an explanation. She wants to know why she’s not allowed to tell your husband, the King of New Asgard, that he’s finally got what you and he have been wanting.

An heir!

It’s painful to talk about but you tell her what’s happened. You tell her that Thor doesn’t know that you know about Jane’s baby.

She’s very quiet as you talk. She assumes things and you can hear her anger when she starts to ask for what she can tell Thor.

“He didn’t cheat on me, Dr. Wilson,” you explain, hoping that this will ease her anger.

You’re angry at Thor because of the annulment, not because he and Jane have created a life from their love. You’re hurt because he’s willing or was willing--you’re not sure yet--to leave you to be with Jane, even if not for love but for the baby growing within her.

You’re hurt because the man you love was choosing his duty over his feelings for you.

Even though you know that he’s right to do it. Even though you know that you should understand because he’s King and you also took an oath to put the people of New Asgard first.

It’s your duty to put their well-being before your own. That doesn’t mean you have to like it.

In Thor’s mind, his only duty is to his child. Jane’s child. He doesn’t know you’re carrying one of your own yet. Even though that would probably make sure that he stays with you because of the baby, you don’t want that to be the reason he stays.

Proud fool.

“Thor slept with Jane the same night he proposed to me. This was before we loved each other, when leaving Jane was the hardest thing he’d had to do. I don’t hold that against him.”

You don’t tell her about the annulment. She doesn’t need to know how messy this all is.

“He’ll probably call for you and Dr. Alric soon. Loki suggested they get Jane checked so act surprised? But please don’t tell him I’m pregnant. Not yet. He’s coming to see me at the end of the week and I’ll tell him myself then. Please?” And it really is a genuine plea.

“I’ll do whatever you need, Your Majesty. I would like to come and check on you. You don’t sound well.”

She’s very sweet and her concern is touching.

“Thor will probably send you to me eventually. He’s worried but he’s clearly got other things on his mind.”

“I’ll make arrangements to head over there tomorrow. Oh, can you hold for one minute Your Majesty? I’m so sorry.”

“Of course.”

There’s silence on the phone for a few minutes before she comes back.

“It was His Majesty. He’s told me about Jane but she’s not available for an examination until later in the week. So, he’s asked me to come to you first. I’ll be there tonight.”

For some reason, the idea of having her with you eases some of the stress you’ve been carrying with you since yesterday.

“I’ll call and have a car sent for you.”

“Actually, His Majesty has promised to bring me straight to you via bifrost.”

“Wait, what?” You sit up in bed, clutching your blanket to your chest as your nerves suddenly fray and panic begins to build up within you.

“Should I come by plane?” She asks, worried by the sound of your voice.

You can’t see Thor. No. You can’t.

“No. I’ll just be going out later tonight to pick up a few things that I need here at the house. Toilet paper, napkins, laundry soap. I just didn’t want you to get here when I was out, but I’ll text you the passcode to get in.”

You’ll just have to make sure that you’re not at home when they come. That’s what you’ll do. This is a perfect excuse to be out since you need to get the stuff you listed anyway.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t just like me to come by plane?”

“No, really. The sooner you get here, the better. The car ride is so long from the airport. I’ll see you tonight, Dr. Wilson.”

“Bye, Your Majesty.”

Even though you know that you have hours upon hours until Thor brings Dr. Wilson here, you force yourself out of bed and abandon your plans to wallow in your feelings so that you can shower, get dressed, and leave the house.

If Thor’s coming, you’re going to be as far away from your house as you can be. You’re not ready to see him again just yet. You only have small errands to run but you’re gonna stay out all damn day if it’s the last thing you do.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday

Thor is at a loss. Completely and utterly lost without you.

If he was ever in doubt as to how he really felt about you--which he never has been because he knows himself well enough to know better--he knows now that you are the light of his new life here on Earth.

His reign would mean significantly less without you at his side.

Even though the time you’ve spent together has been a short few months, they have been the best months of his life.

If he’d had one of those other women he’d interviewed become his Queen, this life he’s chosen to lead would have felt empty and tedious. Instead of watching his Queen spend her time with his people leading the way in progress.

You’re so eager to be part of the Asgardian populace. They’ve embraced you so fully.

With a sigh, Thor leans forward and buries his face into his hands as he mentally trashes himself for the absolute fool that he’s been about this entire situation.

The fact that he’d even entertained the thought of leaving you.

He wants to cry and tear his hair out in frustration.

Should he tell you that the thought was weighed along with many others at Jane’s news?

And Jane.

Thor groans.

She’s been avoiding him since she told him. He can’t exactly blame her for it. He hadn’t exactly taken the news well.

He had no reason to expect her to be receptive to him after he’d basically accused her of being confused about it. She knew her own body. If she said she was pregnant, what reason would he have to doubt her?

He’s messed everything up so much and he’s terrified to tell you about Jane.

What if you have the same idea he did? What if you decide to leave him in some foolish attempt to have him marry her and legitimize his future child?

It’s something you would do. Sacrifice yourself so that he could do the right thing.

The thought of living this life of rule without you at his side is unbearable.

With another frustrated groan, he gets up and moves to pace the length of the room, ignoring the large pile of paperwork on his desk as his mind moves in circles.

It always comes back to you.

And then you’d been out when he’d gone to drop off Dr. Wilson. He hadn’t expected you to be gone. He’d wanted to see you. To hold you. Touch you. Hear your voice after so much turmoil.

You are his only solace.

Going so close to you and not seeing you has left him with a terrible pain in his chest.

His phone rings.

Thor dives for his phone and fumbles with it as he grabs it off the bed. He almost loses it over the opposite edge.

He literally throws himself towards it and lands with a grunt onto the bed as he catches it.

He presses the button on the screen without looking to see who it is because he only wants it to be you.

“Cherub?” he gasps, his voice an octave higher than normal with the little bit of exertion he just underwent.

“Oh, no. Sorry, Your Majesty, it’s Dr. Wilson. I was just calling to give you your daily report on Her Majesty’s health.”

“Oh, yes, of course. I’m sorry. I just haven’t heard from-” He clears his throat, sits up, and slides to the edge of the bed. “No matter. How is my Queen, doctor?”

“She was asleep. But just woke up. She’s very tired. Her throat is better, but she’s had a fever every morning since Sunday.”

Thor sits up straighter, hand clenched into a fist around the edge of the bed as his heart starts to thrum loudly.

“Is she seriously ill?”

“No, of course not, Your Majesty. But she really does need rest. She has been under severe stress and I’m sorry to say that your constant messages are not letting her rest.”

Thor’s heart drops and buries itself into a hole at the bottom of his stomach. He feels numb suddenly, fearful of what he might be doing to you. The guilt of what he knows he must tell you soon also weighs down on him.

“Are you saying that I should leave her be until she is recovered?” Thor checks, just in case he’s not understanding correctly.

“I’m saying that if you want her to get well quickly, you must give her what she asked you for. She needs rest.”

Thor hates that he can’t be there to check on you. He wants to feel you close. He wants to see you. What if you’re deathly ill and you’re telling Dr. Wilson to lie for you?

You abhor lies and cherish honesty , but he can see you lying in order to spare him pain. Just as he is lying to spare you the worry of all this uncertainty with Jane.

Although he knows that he can never lose you now and even with a child coming with Jane, you are his wife and he can’t leave you. He was stupid to think he could even try. The thought was a sin and he’ll never forgive himself for thinking it.

Loki was so angry with him.

Rightfully so.

The good thing is that you’ll never know how bleak things looked. At least he has found his sanity again.

“Will you keep me informed? I’ll stop contacting her if you will promise to tell me how she fares. If she gets worse, I want to know.” Thor insists, his voice passionate and begging.

“You have my word, Your Majesty. Have you heard anything from Ms. Foster? Do we know exactly when we’ll be running her tests?”

“She’s very busy. As of now, it’s looking more and more likely that we won’t be able to find the time until the week’s end. After we confirm her pregnancy, I’ll tell Y/N. I’m sorry that I’ve asked you to collude in this business.”

There’s a long pause and for a moment Thor thinks that maybe the phone has disconnected but then Dr. Wilson sighs, “I cannot wait for this week to be over. Will you come back for me then? When she’s ready?”

“Yes. I’ll pick you up in the same spot that I left you. My wife wasn’t too upset about her lawn, was she? Only, Stark seems to get irritated with me every time I land on his.”

“No,” Dr. Wilson chuckles once. “She was not upset. Again, there’s little more than her throat, head, and fever on her mind. I’ve gotta go. She’s gone out into the garden for some fresh air but I need to get her back into bed.”

“Please take good care of her, doctor. She’s...well, she’s my wife,” Thor finishes heavily.

The phone goes dead and Thor sits there staring at his phone until he can find the strength to get to his feet and go off in search of Jane. They really need to talk.

~~~~~~~~~~

Friday

Thor is upset.

He’s beyond frustrated by now.

He’s irritated.

It’s a week tomorrow since he’s seen you and he can’t stand the distance anymore.

Dr. Wilson snuck him a photo but you’d been sitting on your sofa, looking weak and withdrawn.

He’s not sure what exactly is making you sick, but he knows that he can’t go another day without seeing you.

He needs to get Dr. Wilson back here and he needs to get confirmation so that he can have something to tell you once he sees you.

He won’t lose you over this.

It was one last time. One final goodbye with Jane and he’d thought she was on her birth control but apparently she hadn’t been so he hadn’t bothered to protect himself from the possibility of getting her pregnant.

Why hadn’t she said anything?! Why hadn’t she told him that she wasn’t on her pill?

He knows it’s wrong to blame her. It took both of them to make this baby, but being away from you for so long is wearing thin and he’s losing all semblance of patience.

It takes some very careful maneuvering. Heimdall is sent first, then Hilde, then Loki.

None of them know why they’re going in to corner Jane in the tower except for Loki. Well, Heimdall knows, but there’s no hiding much from Heimdall. He pretends not to know and that’s good enough for Thor.

Loki is just stepping out of the tower when he turns to look at Thor with a grave almost exhausted expression.

“She’s up there,” he assures Thor, frowning as he shuts the heavy door. “When will this end, Thor? Are you going to keep the Queen away forever?”

Thor says nothing, he’s too upset to speak. He pulls the door open roughly and stomps his way up the steps taking them two at a time until he’s standing on the top floor landing.

He can see Jane biting her lip, pacing the length of the room until she turns and finally sees him.

“Thor…” she gasps, not expecting to see him.

“We have to talk, Jane.”

She looks away, turning her back on him then moves towards her laptop which she carefully closes. She puts her hand up to her throat and turns to face him.

“I will have Dr. Wilson brought in and Dr. Alric to give you the same tests they have been giving Y/N. They will be confirming your pregnancy and once we have that, then we can all sit down and figure out-”

“I’m not pregnant,” Jane gasps, her voice filling the room despite the quiet breath that escapes her pink lips.

Thor’s stomach twists. It’s agony.

On the one hand, the words she’s just spoken are...they’re a celebration. They’re simplicity. They’re peace and a return back to normal where in his life there is only you.

On the other hand, he’s just lost a baby he never had. An heir that he’d been expecting and now can never get back.

He’d made plans for this child. He’s pictured his life with them, the happiness and joy that their birth would bring to the people of New Asgard. The assurance that they would always belong to Earth.

He’d picked names for boys and girls. He’d begun to make a list of nursery items they would need even as he lamented that the baby was not yours but Jane’s.

This baby would have, and had already begun to change his life.

And now this?!

“What?” he very nearly spits.

Jane is so flustered she’s wringing her hands hard, welting them red.

“I’m...I didn’t expect to come here and see you with her and see how fast you just-” she waves her hand as if shooing away some animal. “-moved on. It’s like you were never with me.

“You were both so happy and talking about the future and I just lost it for a little bit,” she shrugs. “I have no excuses, Thor. I’m sorry if what I said hurt you. It was selfish of me and I just loved you for so long. You were mine, you know? And now you’re married, planning to have kids, and your wife is so nice and considerate and even though she has every reason to hate me, she was polite and so damn perfect…

“I’m not afraid to say that it made me hate her. I’m ashamed of it, but not enough to take it back.”

The silence is thick. The air suddenly grows charged and Thor’s eyes shine a bright sparkling blue.

His hands crackle and his eye spits as if full of blue fire.

The sky overhead thunders and the world shakes with the boom. The lightning strikes sharp and fast, shaking the tower so that for a moment, Thor can see how Jane thinks it might topple.

His anger gives way to betrayal and his lightning fizzles out as he takes a step towards her, his brow furrowed, eye full of pain as he stares at her, searching for the joke that this must be.

There is no way that this is really happening.

“You lied to me?” Thor accuses.

Jane blanches, her lips going pale as she takes a step towards him.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lie, I just-I didn’t want to see you with her anymore and I wasn’t thinking straight so I just said it before I could stop myself. I know that it was wrong and I didn’t think it would go on for so long. I wanted to tell you almost as soon as I said it that it wasn’t true, but then you just took off and then the Queen left and I wasn’t sure if you told her and maybe that’s why she wasn’t here.”

Thor shakes his head, turning away from her as he paces towards the stairs but then turns back, his anger returning but full of pain now.

“I defended you. When Loki insisted I have you tested I asked him if he doubted you and I assured him that you would not lie about something this important. What reason would you have to lie?” he demands, almost of himself instead of Jane.

“Thor,” Jane begins.

“How long were you going to let me think you were carrying my child? How long were you planning to con me?” he accuses and his words seem to hurt Jane.

Thor can’t find it in him to care too much.

“I wasn’t-that’s not what I meant to do, Thor. Please, you have to believe me. I just didn’t know how much seeing you with her would-”

“You have no right to be upset!” he booms, his voice loud and it startles Jane quiet.

She’s never heard him angry like this. She’s never heard his voice raised.

“I gave you every opportunity to be with me, to marry me, to build a life here with me and be my Queen. You didn’t want it! You flat-out refused to be tied down by me and this Kingdom but now that you see me and my wife happy, you change your mind?

“You have the audacity to raise obstacles between us because you have regrets?”

“Thor,” she tries again, but Thor won’t let her speak.

“Get out,” he says sternly, turning to move towards the stairs.

“What?!”

“I said, get out. You are no longer welcome in my home. Pray no one ever finds out of your treachery. And should you have the urge to return for any reason, don’t.”

Thor storms down the steps, so angry that each step shakes the tower.

He’s breathing heavily as he slams the door shut behind him.

The storm air helps to calm him a bit. It clears his mind at least and the past week zooms by him like an unpleasant movie.

All of that worry and the plotting and planning. The agony that he felt wondering if you’d leave him when you found out about his child with Jane was the most unbearable.

Your face flashes before his eyes and he knows that there’s only one place he can be right now.

He throws his hand out and a metallic whistling rushes closer before his fist closes around his hammer.

He swings it firmly and throws it up into the air as he makes for your home.

Now that he has nothing to keep him here, he’s eager to get back to you. He’ll tell you everything and hope that you can forgive him for lying to you about Jane.

Even though it was a lie by omission, it was still a lie.

“I’m coming, my cherub,” he whispers, so eager to have you in his arms again.

Nothing will ever tear him from you again. He is certain. Nothing. Not a false heir, or a former love, no doubts exist within him anymore. You are the one.

The only one.

[bloodorangesoup]

Work Song | B.B.

Request: Have you ever heard work song by hozier? It gives me such bucky vibes 🥺 like imagine him waking up from a nightmare & singing it to calm him down

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2.05k (this was supposed to be a drabble but I got carried away lol)

Warnings: Slight angst, fluff, bad singing (unless you can actually sing), Bucky being a big softy

My Masterlist

Notes: Anon you need to name yourself cause you obviously have good taste in music and I kinda want some moots on here. This song is so perfect for Bucky. I truly appreciate the suggestion, it gives me inspiration of what to write while procrastinating on works in progress <3

You were awoken when the sheets and comforter were yanked off of you, shocking you awake with the chill of the night air. You squinted your eyes open only to be faced with Bucky’s back as he was sat up in bed. You could see by the rhythmic curling of his spine that he was breathing fast and heavy, prompting you to sit up with him.

“Baby,” you groaned as you stretched your back and faced him, “you alright?”

His eyes stared forward, expressionless, until he snapped out of it and looked at you with a worried face. It was almost as if Bucky hadn’t even noticed you had sat up until he heard your voice. You wanted to kiss in between his eyebrows to smooth the lines that the furrow of them had formed. You leaned towards him and laid your hand on his back, feeling the expansion and deflation of his breathing, it had calmed a bit but you could feel the still rapid beating of his heart. He opened his mouth for a second, hesitating before releasing a breath and answering.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay. Sorry I woke you up. There's still a couple hours left before you have to get up, lay back down.” He said, motioning with his head towards your pillow. You simply shook your head and dragged your hand from his back up to his neck and around to his cheek. He leaned his head into your cupped palm, closing his eyes at the comfort your touch gave him.

“Can we cuddle then?” You asked, more for him than you. It was an unspoken declaration in the air of “you’re a terrible liar,” but by now in your relationship, Bucky knew that if he wanted to talk about his nightmares, you were always there and ready to listen. If he didn’t want to talk then you could at least try to get him back to sleep or calm his nerves.

He answered you with a nod. You grabbed his pillow and stacked it on top of your own, giving you a cushion to comfortably lay down with your back slightly elevated. He understood what to do and without hesitation crawled over to you and wrapped his arms around your torso, laying halfway on top of you and resting his cheek on the top of your breast, right over your heart. Both your bodies shifted a few times until they found the perfect interlock with each other, sinking down into the bed.

“Do you remember that song I showed you the other day, the one you said you really liked?” You didn’t know where you were trying to go with this conversation, but you figured that getting him sleepy again would be hard, so talking about whatever came to your head might help put him down. Bucky could feel the vibrations of your voice all throughout your chest. He wished in that moment that the two of you could stay like this forever, that he could feel your sweet voice like this for the rest of his life.

“The “take me to church” one?”

“Yeah, that one. The dude who sings that has another song I really love, it makes me think of you whenever I hear it.”

“What’s it called?” He mumbled weakly. You gave him a squeeze and continued.

“Work Song.”

“Hmm,” Bucky hummed against your chest, waiting a moment before speaking, “could you sing it for me, doll?”

“If you want, but I can’t promise it’ll sound pretty,” you answered with a breathy chuckle. You wanted to comfort Bucky, but you definitely weren’t a singer. It was difficult enough to be in tune with songs, you weren’t sure you could even manage with half his body resting on you.

“It doesn’t have to sound pretty, if you sing it it’ll be perfect. Please?”

It took Bucky a long time to be okay with asking for things and accepting that receiving favors didn’t equate to weakness. You knew that him asking you to do this for him was hard and you weren’t going to let him down.

“Alright.” You cleared your throat and breathed in before exhaling quickly, cutting the words out of your mouth as your brain tried to think of how the song goes.

“Well, it starts with a low piano note and this soft clap, and there's a harmony that goes ‘hmmm, hmm mmm’ and then another clap and ‘hmm mmm’,” you explained, emphasizing every clap with a light tap if your hand on his back. You looked down at him and lifted your other hand, weaving yo fingers through his hair to gently move back and forth over his scalp. You looked back up to the ceiling with your eyes open, imagining how the stars would look if the roof was gone.

“And that part goes on for a bit…” you said into the silence of the room. As you explained, Bucky had shifted his head to rest the underside of his chin flush against your chest and looked up at you. Due to the way your face looked up he couldn’t see it completely, but he could see how the light of the moon pouring into the room cast a glow across your cheekbones and jaw. He watched as you fumbled through the intro, trying to explain to him how the different sounds come together, and he swore you had never looked more beautiful.

He drank in the way the hums of the song rattled under his chin, how you would pause for a few moments trying to think of what came next in the song. He felt your heartbeat against his throat and the rise and fall of your chest with every breath you would take before letting out another hum. He was right, you could be singing any song and it would be perfect.

“And then he starts singing, he goes,” you took in a breath before singing.

“‘Boys, workin' on empty

Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?

I just think about my baby

I'm so full of love I could barely eat’

“‘There's nothin' sweeter than my baby

I'd never want once from the cherry tree

'Cause my baby's sweet as can be

She give me toothaches just from kissin' me’.”

He noted how the corners of your mouth tilted upward at that last line. You weren’t singing it exactly as the song went, the melody was a bit off and the pitch was much lower than it was supposed to be, but Bucky felt like every word you sang floated out into the world, carrying its refreshing life and coolness into his soul.

“And then there's this really deep bass note that hits and then the chorus goes,

“‘When, my, time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her’.”

Bucky thought of how he always seemed to crawl back to you. For once, he didn’t feel guilty for his presence in your life. He relished in the feeling of having you under him, in the knowledge that of all the people in the world, you would let him crawl home to you. If he had to crawl to someone, he would thank any and all higher powers that it was you.

“And then the song gets lighters and the hums come back,” you mumbled.

“‘Boys, when my baby found me

I was three days on a drunken sin

I woke with her walls around me

Nothin' in her room but an empty crib’

“‘And I was burning up a fever

I didn't care much how long I lived

But I swear, I thought I dreamed her

She never asked me once about the wrong I did’.”

Memories swirled around in Bucky’s head of all the times he felt like ending it all. He knew he was perfectly capable of doing it, but there was always a stubborn sliver of hope splintered in his head that prevented him from going through with anything. He didn’t like to think back to those times, but hearing the words leave your lips made it clear to him that you were the sliver of hope, some force of the universe had kept him around long enough to reach you and hold on. He closed his eyes and listened as you gently worked through the chorus twice more.

“‘My babe would never fret none

About what my hands and my body done

If the Lord don't forgive me

I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me’.”

Bucky’s brows furrowed as he thought of how unconditionally you cared for him. You weren’t blind to the troubles that came with loving someone like him, with accepting what he did and offering him sanctuary from himself. He didn’t know if he would ever be sure of the idea that he deserved love, but he was okay with being selfish if it meant having you by his side.

“‘When I was kissin' on my baby

And she'd put her love down, soft and sweet

In the low lamp light, I was free

Heaven and hell were words to me’.”

Tears had started to well in Bucky’s eyes. He looked up once again at your face, delicately bathed in moonlight, and thought of how he looked in the light, how you both looked together in the light. If you looked so beautiful and lovely, maybe he could too. He didn't feel exposed or ugly, he felt safe, he felt free. He was overwhelmed with emotion. His heart was pounding and he was choked up, he had never felt as completely and dramatically in love with you as he did in that moment.

You wrapped up the song, carrying it out with the same hums and claps that brought it in. Looking down, you saw Bucky’s face buried in the space between your breasts and could hear a sharp intake of breath, indicating that he was crying. You ran your hand that had been tapping his back up and down his spine. You took your hand from his hair and used it to push his disheveled hair out of his eyes and off his forehead, causing him to look up at you.

To Bucky, you looked like an angel. You both laid in silence, looking into each other's eyes, while Bucky simply hugged you closer and let his tears fall freely. You leaned down and placed a few gentle kisses on his forehead. He finally settled his breathing and sniffled a few times before speaking, he was ready to talk.

“I’ve killed enough people,” he sniffled before continuing, his voice croaky, “I’ve killed enough people to give me nightmares for the rest of my life.” He sighed and closed his eyes, feeling too shameful to keep looking at you.

You sank down lower in the sheets and tightened your hold on him, bringing his face and body up and closer to you.

“I’m so sorry, Buck. I wish there was more I could do.” You finally let go of the few tears building in your eyes, letting them roll down your cheeks to the corner of your lips.

“You’re here. You love me. That’s all I need,” he let out with a sob. You nodded your head and tugged on his body, signaling to him to come up.

He shifted himself higher in the bed, his face coming parallel to yours. You snaked your hand around his neck and craned him to look into your eyes. You observed the glassiness of them and how it accentuated the bright blueness within them. You thought of how, even when he was sobbing, he looked more beautiful than ever.

“I love you so much, y/n” he whispered with shaky breaths.

“I love you too, Buck, more than anything.”

You pulled him completely into you, your swollen lips gliding against one another, mixing your salty tears. You brought your hands to the sides of his face, rubbing your thumbs over his cheekbones, feeling how beautiful he was even with your eyes closed. You both pulled back slowly, only far enough to rest your foreheads together.

“I love you.”

[avengerscompound]

Small Gods: Lost Objects - 5

Lost Objects:  A Thor Fanfic

Lost Objects Masterlist | More Small Gods PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Thor x F!Reader

Rating: E

Word Count:  1722

Warnings: Mentions of sex, oh umm... hey there’s a little bit of talk about things in the trailers for the loki series some people who don’t know anything about the comics might not have picked up.  Should have warned on the series for that.  I wouldn’t personally call them spoilers, because ... i haven’t seen the series to spoil it, but if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like to know anything...

Synopsis: Thor has lost a lot in a very short period of time and he’s worried about losing himself too.  He goes to the one person who understands loss.

Chapter 5

Barnaby the fat ginger cat sat down and began grooming himself as the black one seemed to stare at you and Thor.  In what really was only a few seconds, Thor seemed to have a whole thought journey.  It started with how close the green of that cat’s eyes was to Loki’s and ended with the conclusion that the cat must be Loki.  The journey took him through a lot of stops, including Loki’s ability to shapeshift, the fact he had faked his death twice in the past, and the fact you could draw lost things to you, but once he landed on it, his eyes went wide.

The cat mimicked Thor’s expression as the man jumped to his feet.  “Loki!”  Thor shouted, sending the black cat running.  Barnaby seemed to watch him go with a look of contempt like he was above such things.  “Loki!”  Thor shouted again, chasing after him.

“Thor?”  You asked, following on, though with much less urgency than Thor.  “It won’t be Loki.”

“It has to be,” Thor said, looking around.  The cat had vanished, but two rows over there was a bang and the smell of sulfur followed by a cat yowling.  Thor charged in the direction of the sound and when he came around the corner and came to a screeching halt as he reached his brother who was lying up against a partially knocked over shelf, his legs in the air, rubbing his head as various pieces of cutlery, jewelry and stuffed animals clattered down around him.

He looked up at Thor with an expression of resignation.  “Hello, brother.”

“Loki!”  Thor roared, pulling his brother to his feet and drawing him into a tight embrace.  “I knew you must not be dead.  You are always the trickster.”

Loki did not hug back but did not resist the affection either.  Just allowing it to happen.  “What are you talking about?”  He asked, dryly.

You appeared behind both the men and looked between them blinking.  “What?  How?  How are you here?”

“That is a very good question,” Loki said, pulling back from Thor.  “As is, why I can’t seem to leave.”

“Come,” you said, gesturing to both men.  “I think this is a tea conversation.”

“Yes,” Thor said, clapping Loki on the shoulder.  He hadn’t felt so light and genuinely happy for years.  He had resigned himself to be the last of Odin’s lineage and yet here was his brother, returned to him again.  “Come.  Let us celebrate!”

Loki allowed himself to be dragged down to your kitchen, where you began to potter around.  You brewed tea and coffee and tried to find some kind of sweet to be served with it.  Eventually finding a packet of slightly stale cookies behind a teapot with a mismatched lid.

“Tell us, how did you escape Thanos?  And how is it you are here?”  Thor asked as you moved around the kitchen.

Loki picked up one of the cookies and sniffed it before taking a hesitant bite.  When he appeared to deem it satisfactory he shoved the whole thing into his mouth and grabbed a handful of others.  It was very un-Loki-like and reminded Thor more of his old friend Volstagg than his much more dignified brother.  “How do you even know of Thanos?” Loki said through a mouthful of cookies.  “Besides, I don’t know what he has to do with anything.  After I escaped from Midgard with the tesseract, I used it to travel around.  I worked out a way to move through time, which was fun…”

“Wait?  What?”  Thor asked.  “When you were on Midgard with the tesseract?  The last I saw you we were in space.  And how did you get the tesseract after Thanos destroyed it?”

“You are speaking nonsense,” Loki snarked.  “Thanos never obtained the tesseract, and he certainly didn’t break it.  The Time Variance Authority confiscated it.”

You put a sandwich down in front of Loki, and Thor wasn’t sure if you’d made it or just found it like that. It was on a large crusty roll, filled with various meats and salad, and wrapped in thin white paper.   Loki picked it up and sniffed it before taking a large bite.

“Why don’t you tell us when you last saw Thor and what has happened to you since,” you said, taking a seat at the table.

Loki rolled his eyes.  “After the battle that I brought to Midgard, you shackled me and were going to let the Midgardians lock me up.  There was some kerfuffle in Stark’s building and the tesseract fell from its case.  I took it and used it to leave.  I went to some friends who removed the restraints you put on me and I was traveling around, entertaining myself.  Then the TVA took offense and locked me up, confiscating the Tesseract.  I was just breaking out to go get it when suddenly I was here and you and this lesser god were fornicating.”

Loki spat the words lesser god the same way he used the word mortal or Midgardian. Like even the words themselves were beneath him.  Thor considered addressing it, but he was more distracted by the tale Loki had just spun.  It didn’t make sense and he was having trouble getting his head around it.  “You were taken back to Asgard and locked up.  Mother was killed when there was a prison breakout,” he said.

Loki started at Thor mid-bite and slowly lowered the sandwich to the table.  “Mother was killed?”

“You know this!”  Thor roared, slamming his hands on the table.  “You were there!  Why are you saying these things?”

“I know not of what you speak, brother,” Loki said.  “When I last saw mother she was alive and well.  Certainly, I have not returned home since I fell from the Rainbow Bridge, but if she passed…”

Thor looked at you like you might have some answers to what was happening right now.  You took a sip of your tea and seemed to think.  “The time variance authority exists outside of time, correct?  I don’t know much about them, but it is generally accepted that they are not of this universe exactly?”

“That’s what they say,” Loki said in a bored voice.

“And when you were escaping, had they realized you were gone?  Were they looking for you?”  You asked.

“Yes,” Loki said.  “Which was why I was in the form of a cat.  I was moving through the vents.”

You nodded and looked at Thor.  “This is just a hypothesis, because… this isn’t how my powers work, Thor, but-” you glanced at Loki and shook your head.  “I don’t think this is your Loki.  At least… not the one you knew more recently.  After the battle there was a divergence, this Loki got away and yours did not.  And just now - I think there is power in you worshipping me, Thor.  What I am… Loki said it himself, I’m small-time.  People don’t actually worship me, they pray and they beg the universe for the return of their missing keys or cell phones.  It’s never to me directly, and it’s never very hard.  Yet here you are, one of the Norse gods, and you were on your knees for me.”

Loki scoffed and took a long drink of his tea.  Thor ignored him.  “You think you brought him here?”

“Yes,” you said.  “I can’t be sure.  I’ve never brought a person here before.  Small pets are the limit of the living creatures with free will.  But maybe if Loki was in cat form, and maybe if they were wishing for him back, while we were… doing what we were doing… it was enough to bring him here.”

“Well, I’d like to go, if it is all the same to you,” Loki said, sounding bored.

“Brother, I haven’t seen you for a long time.  I saw the life choked from you.  Surely you can stay for a little while.  We have much to catch up on,” Thor said.

“The last time I saw you, you had planned to lock me up for eternity,” Loki said.  “What has changed?”

Thor frowned and shook his head.  This was not the Loki he had worked with to save Jane and stop the dark elves, nor the Loki who had helped him escape Sakaar and stop Ragnarok.  This was the angry Loki who had attacked a city at the behest of a titan and whose pain of finding his father had lied to him about his past for over a millennium was fresh and raw.  “You are my brother.”

“And what else?”  Loki asked.

“And I have lost everyone,” Thor said.  “Mother and father are dead.  Jane left me.  Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun, Heimdall, even Stark and Rogers.  They are all gone.  Loki, Asgard is gone.”

“And that is why I find you hiding with this lesser god?”  Loki scoffed.  “Why would I want to stay in such a world anyway brother?  Where I am from, everyone is alive and well - as far as I know.”

Thor lowered his eyes.  “Why must you be so cruel?”

Loki started laughing and patted Thor’s shoulder.  “Oh brother, I’m sorry.  You are in a bad way, aren’t you?”

“It might be a moot point,” you said with a shrug.  “You’re mine now Loki.  I can return you to the ones looking for you, and perhaps you could leave with Thor because he was also looking for you, but otherwise, you are stuck with me.  That’s why you didn’t go anywhere when you tried to teleport out.  Would you like me to return you to the people of the TVA?”

“I obviously do not,” Loki deadpanned.

“Then you might as well make yourself comfortable,” you said, pouring him more tea.  “You clearly haven’t eaten properly for a long time.  Why not rest and recharge and we can work out what to do?”

“Fabulous,” Loki snarked.  “Just what I’ve always wanted - to be stuck with some hoarder deity.”

“Cheer up brother, it isn’t so bad here,” Thor said, grinning and clapping Loki on his back.  He had his brother back, even if it wasn’t quite the Loki he knew, it was still one he was familiar with.  Soon he’d have Mjolnir too.  Coming to see you had been the best decision he’d made in a long time.

// NEXT

[spookysmujer]

No Más pt.2, O.Diaz

Summary: Things seem out of place after Oscar asks you to skip town for the weekend. You never listen and you were right not to this time.

warnings: angst, DamselinDistress!Oscar 🤪, cute s h e t, violence

word count: 3.1K

a/n:  Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! THANK YOU FOR 1.3K OF Y’ALL! Here is the long awaited part 2 of No Más which was fun asf to write, hehe. Please don’t forget, follow me if you aren’t, join the fam 💗 heart/comment/ reblog my content as well. And turn on those notifications for when I post new content, love y’all!

(Gif belongs to @merakiaes​ ✨)

“Oscar? Hey, I’m back, Oscar!” You move through the house, looking frantically throughout the rooms. When he doesn’t show up anywhere you’ve looked, you sigh in defeat and you lean against the bathroom door. 

“Dammit!” 

Your ears perk at the sound of his voice coming from the back yard. The shuffling of metal can be heard as you start to make your way towards the shed, you find him with dirty hands and a car part in his hand. You sigh in relief as you’ve been worried about him the whole way home.

He gives you a brief look before putting his attention back to the part in his hand, you step towards him and rub his back despite the thin layer of sweat, “I thought something had happened to you, I was worried and you couldn’t answer your phone.” You are peering up at him as he continues to keep his attention on what’s in front of him.

“Been here all day, mami. You worry too much.” He steps forwards to get under the hood on a project car he’s been working on. You roll your eyes as he’s been working on this car for as long as you can remember. 

“I worry too much? What was I supposed to think with how things had gone down? Excuse me for thinking something happened.” You throw your hands in defeat, Oscar loved to see you get frustrated like this. When you voice your concern for him, it made his heart do a little dancey dance. He glances at you as he sees you rubbing your temples, “Aye.” You open your eyes.

Oscar wipes his hands on a rag and cradles your face, the motor oil smells strong but whenever he gets you to look into his eyes, all else falls away. “I’m good, you’re good, we both good. Mmkay? No one is gonna get me. Everything is handled.”

You nod and settle your hands against his chest as he pulls you in for a kiss, “The Prophet$ are done for.  Now we just worry about our hustle and getting the fuck out of the Ridge.” He steps back to his project and you settle any worries right then and there, sitting on the old, yanked out car seat to keep him company.

But that 4 months ago. 

That’s when Oscar and Cesar had gotten themselves in a little beef with the Prophet$. You were always so worried when he would he leave the house when he wouldn’t tell you where he was off to, or worst when he had some of the Santos keep you on the opposite side of town that one day, when you got home and you couldn’t find him til his cursing for jamming his finger from the shed gave him away. The day the Prophets$ no longer stood a problem for the streets.

Right now you are standing in the middle of his living room, chest tight and burning from running from the bus station. You’re lungs and calves on fire as you stand there waiting for him to emerge from the back side of the house. But to no avail, despite his car being parked in its usual spot. With a trembling lip, “Oscar..?” 

But again, nothing. You have his cross chain tight in your balled up fist. As you head tips forward, you hold in the sounds that threaten to escape you as the tears begin to trickle down your cheeks and onto the floor below you. All those feelings, those nagging feelings that kept bugging you that something wasn’t right. But Oscar kept on reassuring you that everything would be fine. 

And the level-headed you tries to make sense of the situation at hand, to make it rational and that this is no different from any other type of business Oscar had to handle. You make your way to the kitchen to sit at the table to calm your nerves before jumping into action. But the hope lasts just for a moment, you see a note hanging from the refrigerator. 

           “Mano, you will always be one of two reasons I fight everyday to find a way out. Garcias por todo. Take care of Y/N for me.”

In that very moment, you understood those sappy love movies. Those long novels made sense. And if you could explain what it feels like? Ripping fabric down the middle, stitches tearing apart and barely hanging on. It feels very much like that. 

The sound of a people talking catches your attention as you peer out of the kitchen window. You see a few santos, one including Sad Eyes. Before marching out to question them, you snatch the note. They turn at the sound of the door swinging open. The ones who were just about to plop down on the run down couch immediately stand and straighten their stances as if you were the Queen of England or something.

“Y/N, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be on a bus out of town?” Sad Eyes towers in front of you, a look in his eye that has him just as bewildered as you are.

You wipe your face, “Where is he? Where did he go? He sent me away, why? Tell me!” You begin to push at him to which he begins to stumble back, he tries to get his footing right but your constant shoving makes it nearly impossible. “Yo, cut the shit! Nothing you need to be concerned about. He said he can handle it which means we don’t ask questions.”

A laugh escapes you. So much so that you double over with your hands resting on your knees. When you straighten yourself upright again, the Santos can see you are laughing as tears are streaming down your face. They look at you like you just escaped the insane asylum.

“What’s this? Tell me everything's okay then.” You hold out the note, the tremble in your hand visible. Sad Eyes keeps his eyes on you as he grabs the note. When he does look at it, you see the very moment he realizes Oscar does not have whatever he says he has handled. A goodbye letter? That’s not something he would do though. It’s better to break amends if you know you aren’t making it out. Why would he do something like this? Sad Eyes stares at the note even though he read it over times.

He doesn’t know what to say. All he can do is sigh deeply and look back to you. And he sees how far you are beginning to slip. Funny, he used to be the one to tell Oscar that your tendency to worry would be the death of you and here you are now, descending in the hole that used to be filled by Oscar. 

You aren’t sure what happened in the next few moments but you are suddenly staring at the ceiling of Oscar’s room. The room is dark and quiet, the light from the street lights barely shining through the curtains. 

“You fainted.”

  Cesar’s voice sounds from across the room, causing you to jump. He gives you a half smile as he stands to make his way over to you. Once he sits besides you, he reaches over to grasp your hand, “Sad Eyes called. I saw the note when I got home from my shift. He told me he had some things to handle with Cuchillos. I told him I could go with him but he said he doesn’t need back-up… it’s my fault. I should’ve gone with him. No one knows where he is. No one has seen him.”

The panic spreads through the younger Diaz like wildfire and you immediately sit upright to pull him into your hold. He unravels quickly in your arms, fearing that he made a grave mistake to not be more adamant on going with Oscar.  “Cesar, stop. None of this is your fault. You did nothing wrong, okay? Hey, look at me,” You pull his face to look at yours, “You did not do anything to harm your brother. And we are going to find him. You hear me? Me and you, we’re gonna look for him.”

“We all are.” Monse stands near the door with Ruby and Jamal behind her. They give you small smiles and you return it back to them, nodding in agreement. You look to Cesar and squeeze his face and take a deep inhale. Where do you even start?

And for the rest of that day, you all were stumped. How do you find someone who left no clues? Who left no trace to where he went? It was useless to try to go to the police, you knew from Cesar that some cops work for Cuchillos. Oscar left his phone and wallet at his place so trying to trace his phone would be moot. The silence started to eat away with you, you tell them you were gonna get some air. 

You walk onto the porch and lean against the railing looking out at Oscar’s shiny red baby. You smile to yourself thinking off all the memories you’ve had with him in his car. The many late night drives when you couldn’t sleep. The drive-inn movie dates. The first time you got to drive his car as well when you nearly took off the bumper parking at Santa Monica pier. All those memories infiltrate your mind, the good ones as well as the bad ones. When he would bring you home early from a party if you two were arguing. Or when you’d sit in the passenger sit, arms crossed, lips sealed as he would be going off on you.

With all those memories replaying in your head, you walk over and run your hand over the hood. If it’s three things Oscar loves is: Family, Food and his impala. That makes you chuckle out loud. How you wish he were here right now, “Where are you, papas?” You whisper to yourself.

Before you walk back to join the others, you spot the scratch mark near the rear tire on the driver side. You try to wipe at it but the scratch is deeper than the paint. You remember instantly Oscar telling you some little traviesos had swiped his car with their bikes when he went to meet Cuchillos that night. 

And when you push the first domino, the rest fall with it. 

You remember he didn’t tell you much about that night he was supposed to grill but had to last minute meet with the boss lady. He did mention the scratch though. He said that’s what he gets for stopping by Saul’s Place, a little taco restaurant, right after his inconspicuous meeting. You remember he took you once. And you also remember that very time he took you, he needed to handle something briefly in the area and told you he’d meet you at Saul’s place. 

Cuchillos has lots of territory and with that territory comes lots of hiding spots for little meetings such as the one she had with Oscar that night and the others. Which has to mean that Saul’s Place has to be near wherever they met and could possibly be now. And if I were Cuchillos, I would make it so that I meet specific people in specific places. You pull out your lanyard from your back pocket, unlocking his car with the spare key he gave to you. 

The teens in the house are alerted when they hear the impala roar to life. They exit the house in time to see you take off away from the house. Cesar tries to call out for you but it’s no use, you’re gone in the blink of an eye. He stands in the middle of the street, feeling defeated. 

The shaky breath you’ve been holding is finally exhaled as you make the drive to Saul’s. And when you do reach, you open the maps app on your phone. Searching the screen for nearby areas. You zoom in, zoom out, slide it left and right and there are no obvious answers. You lock your phone and slam your head back, you gaze out of the window and from the distance see an abandoned warehouse. 

“Plain sight. Ordinary. A perfect spot.” You say to yourself out loud.  And then you see the spec of black shine. An SUV. That’s gotta be it. You reach over to the glove compartment and nearly cry out with rejoice when you see the 9mm still rests on the registration papers. Quickly checking the chamber to see if it is loaded, which it is, you exit the car and make your way across the street. 

What am I gonna do? Walk there and threaten someone like Cuchillos and her guys? The anxiety in you begins to speak, halting your trek. You shake it though, despite how loud it becomes. The sound of gravel crunching causes you to move quickly behind a nearby bush. 

Two men are walking the grounds, quickly appearing in front of the entrance visible to you and then disappearing around the side of the warehouse soon after. You take the opportunity to get in before they double back. When you get in, rays of the sun are poking through the rusted metal. The quiet is eerie but it’s quickly overcome with distant noises. 

“You don’t come through when I need you to and that is the reason you are here. Do you understand that?” A female voice sounds and it could only belong to the elusive Cuchillos. “Go, I want to do this alone. He can barely move. I won’t be long.” 

Shuffling of feet can be heard approaching you which causes you to quickly stumble back into the shadows, you hold your breath as people pass you by and you going unnoticed. You take a look and see that a few men exit the same way you entered. Cuchillos is talking again so you follow her voice until it gets loud enough to be directly next to you. 

You finally see them. Oscar is chained with his arms above him, body beat and bruised. An eyebrow split open and running blood down his face,  an eye swollen shut. He looks awful and the sight clenches your heart. At the moment, you see Cuchillos with a gun to his head. It takes all your restraint you have to not lunge out in the moment but it would just end badly for the both of you. 

The 9mm resting in the band of your pants behind you. You reach for it and pull out the silencer barrel, twisting it on as you slowly move towards them. Your heart is racing, your breathing harsh as you step quietly closer.

“Truly sad. So much good potential. At least this way, your hermano can rise up in the ranks. Hopefully he’ll do much better than his big brother and waste of a father, 3rd time a charm, right? I’d ask you if you have any last words but I don’t care.” She clocks the gun as he looks at her dead in the eyes, ready to accept his fate. 

But she sees it. She sees Oscars eyes move slightly when he spots you. Cuchillos swivels on her heels and faces you. Her hands move to point the gun at you but if it’s one thing Oscar had taught you is that when there is an enemy approaching behind you, to move your weapon toward them first before turning your attention and/or body. There will always be a second delay if you turn your body first. And in this moment, you see what he means. Because you were quicker. 

You fire a shot at her thigh causing her to shriek and fall. She turns over to grab her handgun but you kick it away and shoot her hand, another screech escapes her. She clutches her hand to her chest, rolling on her back. Her face shows disgust. You squat and cock your head, a sinister smile appearing on your face, “3rd times a charm, right?” An empty shell falls after shooting another round, this time between her eyes.

A giant weight is released off of your chest as her lifeless body lays there. You grab her gun and shove it in your waistband as you look at Oscar, who has a look of relief plastered over his bloody face.  You hold the gun to the chains and shoot, they break and he falls. Quickly rushing over to him, you cradle his face, “Oscar? Hey, look at me. You’re alright, just get up. We gotta move out of here, her guys are gonna be piling in any minute.”

He only groans as you try to help him stand, he weighs a ton. But he manages to stand and lean on you, you hold the gun on your free hand and walk towards the exit, the sound of someone approaching causes you to panic. But Oscar jumps into action mode, pulling the gun from your waist band and into a stance for the advancing party. The both of you in position.

“Hey!” 

“Yo!” 

Oscar curses under his breath as Cesar appears with Sad Eyes close behind. You nearly throw up from the amount of panic that had just built up. Oscar relaxes his body as you plant yourself into his side. 

“Jesus H, when did you two become Mr. and Mrs. Smith?” Cesar’s comment even manages to get a laugh out of Oscar. The older Diaz steps forward and pulls his mano into a bear hug. Cesar immediately hugs him back. Definitely a sight for sore eyes. The four you look back to see the darkness finally defeated. 

The drive home was quiet. But even then you would take the quiet over anything else. Oscar rests his hand on your thigh as you pull into the driveway of the Diaz household. You help him in the house and to the bathroom to get all cleaned and bandaged up. 

“Hey, te quiero mucho.” Oscar whispers to you as you finish wiping off any dried blood from his forehead. “It’s done. No more. All of it. And within the next couple of weeks, we’ll be out of here. Living in some suburban ass neighborhood where curfew is 9PM.”

You laugh while he smiles, pulling you into his arms. You rest your head against his chest as he kisses the top of your head. But truly it didn’t matter. Whether you were fated to spend the rest of your days here in unpredictable Freeridge or in a gated community with a weekly neighborhood watch meeting on Thursdays. Home is him. Whenever he may choose to go, you follow. From this moment til beyond.

taglist: @clemmingstylins0n @fairygardenss@princesstiffxoxo@firebenderwolf @spookysnena @mbaku-babygirl @chellybear98@multiyfandomgirl40 @i-just-wanna-live-gc@roury66 @kkim120 @lillict @tinylumpiaa @prettymya3@starrynite7114 @onmyspookysblock @aneitii @b3mybunnybaby  @angelxfics  @spookysbabymama @ladylj @vayagrxce @irenne-stans (please let me know if you want to be added or removed!)

[obsessive-dumpling]

Mini Fic

Meant to post this before Wednesday but didn’t have enough time! But I wrote this little doodle for my beautiful moot @hoe-doroki she deserves better but this is all my brainrot could muster. (Sorry doll)

Please enjoy this mini fic of Izuku, in his sleep deprived state, trying to figure out how to address Kacchan’s apology.

It was a blur. All the people who came up to check on Izuku, being ushered this way and that. It wasn't that he wasn't grateful, or that he wasn't happy to see so many faces he missed, he was just exhausted. The adrenaline long since run out, and in its place was just the sheer weight of it all. Not to mention, the additional weight of doubt over simply being there. But even tired and distracted as he was, he wasn't oblivious. 

Or maybe a better way to put it, is that he could never miss something that he never looked away from to begin with. His eyes always automatically scanning and landing on blonde. If we wanted to consider this one of his parallel processes, then it would probably be his first. Always looking to Kacchan, automatically fixing on where he was. He had done it his whole life, and though he was sure the other boy knew of this, he never seemed to acknowledge or participate. 

Until now. 

No matter how the crowd jostled Izuku, pulling him from talking to the citizens, then the heroes, then Recovery girl, then being brough back to the dorms, spikey blonde hair never once left his peripheral. Before UA, it was as if Bakugo Katsuki simply marked north, and Izuku would align himself to it. His former friend’s back the needle guiding him. During their time at UA, that metaphor shifted as they learned to work together again. Making it seem more like being attached by a bungee cord than someone following a compass by themself. If Kacchan pulled one way, Izuku was forced to follow and vice versa. But this? 

This felt more like a dance. As Izuku moved, Katsuki moved, but it wasn't forceful. It felt more natural. Izuku, and his second natured awareness of the other found himself shifting every time he was moved, keeping his body pointed towards the other. This wasn't new, he had been doing it since the compass phase. What was new was the fact that Katsuki was doing the same. His movements were almost unnoticeable but always ended with his body pointed towards Izuku, and usually no more than an arm's length away. With the exception of when his mom finally dragged him to the dorm showers to get cleaned up. Even then though, when he came out, Kacchan was standing near the door. Somehow Izuku knew, he had been there the whole time.  

“Now, I don't expect this to change a thing between us, but I gotta speak... my truth.”

The words rang through his mind.

“Izuku... I'm sorry for everything.“

Izuku..

Izuku.

"Izuku!" 

"Huh, what?!" He shook his head and looked at his mother, whose eyes were wide with worry. "Sorry, I must have spaced out." 

He rubbed the back of his neck and allowed himself to use the opportunity to glance over his shoulder, hoping to still find the blonde hair in his sights. They sat in the dorm kitchen to eat before his mother would allow him to go sleep. When he looked over his shoulder though, he was met with red eyes already on him. He lowered his arm but held his gaze. Neither looked as if they were going to look away. Or even that they wanted to for that matter. Both just stared, with quiet resolution.

“I knew he would bring you home,” Izuku’s mother spoke softly, her voice pulled him away for a moment to look back at her. “It was in his eyes.” 

Izuku didn’t know what to say to that. Just like he didn’t know what to say to Kacchan. His mother saw his lack of answer and smiled.

“You’ll get there,” she continued in her hushed tone. “It’s in your eyes too.”

His eyebrows pulled together, he didn’t know what that meant. He looked over his shoulder again, only to find that Kacchan was gone. Panic built in his stomach, as his eyes scanned the room. Why am I panicking? He thought to himself. Class-A milled about as they “celebrated” their successful retrieval mission simply with some time spent together. But there was no Kacchan.

“You should get some sleep, nerd.” A low voice said next to him. He whirled around just to find Kacchan leaning over him to pick up his and his mother’s plates.

“Oh, thank you Katsuki,” Inko smiled at him, but stood and took the plates from his hands. “You should get some sleep too though.” He looked back at her for a moment, they seemed to share a silent conversation. In the end he shrugged and turned to walk towards the staircase, hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Goodnight,” he said quietly as he passed Izuku. Izuku stared after him.

“Now, I don't expect this to change a thing between us,”

But how can it not? Izuku thought. And what if I want it to?

Izuku stood abruptly when the door to the stairwell swung shut, cutting his sight of the other off.

“Maybe you should go upstairs too,” his mother spoke next to him. “I’ll tell everyone you said goodnight.” She winked at him. He leaned down and quickly kissed her cheek.

“Thank you,” he whispered and made his way quietly to the elevator. He waited for the doors to open and when they did he jammed his thumb into the number four button.

“Izuku... I'm sorry for everything.“

I don’t know what to say to that! I never expected an apology! I never wanted an apology! I forgave you along time ago! Did you not see that?

The doors closed and he felt the elevator starting to move.

“but I gotta speak... my truth.”

No, of course you did. Just like I saw you trying to atone. We always see each other, don’t we? But we never say anything! We’re always missing each other.

The elevator dinged and Izuku staggered off, the exhaustion slightly over taking him now. But he stumbled on down the hall, letting his sleep deprivation fill him with bravery, until he faced the second to last door on the right with the gold name plate that read “Bakugou”.

“Izuku...”

I don’t really know what I want to say yet, but I know what I want to hear, and I know who I want to see!

He took a deep breath and raised his fist to knock on the door.

“Izuku…?”

That was too loud to be in his head.

He whirled around for a second time and feared for a moment that he might get whiplash. The thought washed out of his mind as quickly as it appeared though as he faced surprised red eyes. There was silence for a long moment as they stared at each other. Finally, his mom’s voice rang through his head:

“It was in his eyes.”

“Again.” Izuku spoke firmly. He watched as surprise changed to confusion.

“What?”

“Say it again.” The confusion deepened for a beat before suddenly blossoming into understanding.

“Izuku…” The corners of Izuku’s mouth twitched but he held back his smile.

“Again.” Katsuki raised an eyebrow but obliged.

“Izuku,” He spoke with less hesitancy.

Izuku swallowed unsure of how far he could push his luck telling Kacchan what to do. Something told him though, that he could push this pretty far if he wanted to. Unsatisfied with the current results, he continued.

“Again.” He said taking a step towards Kacchan, who immediately stood straighter.

“Izuku.” He finally said with complete confidence and also took a step forward, leaving only one step between them.

Izuku couldn’t contain it any longer, he let go of the sun flare smile he had held back and a fresh new set of tears all at once.

“I gotta speak my truth too,” he choked out. “Kacchan, I---” his eyes became heavier than he was expecting with the tears. They slid shut and he slid forward, closing the gap.

Katsuki caught him quickly and turned him to see his face. Izuku had finally fallen asleep.

A vein pulsed in Katsuki’s forehead.

Are you kidding me? How are you going to pass out at a time like this? He thought to himself.

Unconscious, Izuku turned further into his arms. Katsuki froze until he settled again.

“Kacchan,” Izuku mumbled. Katsuki leaned forward. “I’m home.”

With no one around, a single tear rolled down Katsuki’s face as he slowly bent down and scooped Izuku up under the knees. He fumbled with the doorknob, walked in quietly, and closed the door behind him. He gently laid him on the bed so he could finally sleep, safe, and where he could see him.

Ya know what? I can wait.

“Welcome home, Izuku.”  

[kyunsies]

i think positivity is what everyone needs and mote here on tumblr.. what do you like the most or a compliment/what do you think of each one of your mutuals?

hi bby !!! i agree, we all deserve to be kind to each other <3

as for compliments aimed at me …. I really think it’s sweet when someone comments on my outfit :) i try hard to come up with cool outfits so it makes me happy someone thinks the same 🥰

ahhhhh , i have many mutuals whom i love very much and they all contribute to making this experience so nice on here in their own way, i couldn’t possibly name all of them and what they’ve done for me :( just to name a few tho:

i love how @imnameimss is a friend who will always have your back !! she’s very loyal and had a pure heart, i’m grateful she keeps me sane on here 💓

i love how @hyunubear always keeps it real with me, she’s very transparent and doesn’t sugar coat things (which we need friends like this !!) and her humor is top notch in the mbb community <3

i love how @hyungkyun is such a unique person and her personality is something i look for a friend irl 🥺 she’s very kind and a “low maintenance” friend, no matter how much time passes she’s always just as warm as where u left off with her :(

i love that @wonheons always tries her best to keep conversations long and thoughtful, you never feel “superficial” when talking to lissa 💖 she always has nice things to put in the tags in every single post that her moots makes and you can tell she really cares about her friends 💖

i love how @chaotichae is just being herself on here and i love seeing that on my dash !! i read her tags and think “only nessa” 🥰 another unique personality and i’m glad our lives have crossed paths … she really is my comfort in human form <3

i love how @hyungwonssign is so incredibly attentive to everyone 🥺 maria really is so sweet and she’s the type of person i can say “whoever is her best friend is really lucky to have her” ; like suni she’s very loyal and i can just tell practicing kindness for her comes easily !!

i love how @kkyuns is another loyal friend who will not go anywhere <3 she will drop everything for you and she is the Most Selfless person on the planet . don’t tell her i said this but she’s my in real life nursing role model tbh 💖 i love her so much and i only want good things for her <3

i really enjoy talking to @shyung-shoes because she is genuinely interested in what you have to say !! i think jill is really quirky (in the best way) and you can always count on her for her taste in everything; her personality is very liberating ? she just does what she finds joy in and i admire that so much 💖

i love how @moistyshownu will always be the mom friend in my eyes <3 another moot who’s humor is top tier and also really just does her own thing, is here vibing making the wonderful creation she wants whenever she wants and overall being so loving and comforting to everyone 💕💓💘💗💞💖

i love that @joosgf has so so so much love to give to everyone 🥺 lulu is someone who i want to see happy always and she is super supportive 💖 adore her love for joohoney i think it comes from a very genuine place and i honestly couldn’t imagine tumblr being very enjoyable for me without her :(

i love @leejooheons not only for her amazing content but her personality as well ; tumblr doesn’t feel complete without her in my eyes , knows just about everyone and is chiming in on posts and the right time and is always there for her friends 🥺

i love that @minhyukopedia is 1 of 3 of the quintessential minbebes i adore on here !! spams me with changkyun content occasionally and is someone i’m always rooting for on the side .. does so much for minhyuk and much more for monbebe on this website, also her artwork is so beautiful, she’s so talented 🥰

and @minhyukie is 2 of 3 of the quintessential minbebes and she’s been with me for a little while too !! another lovely gal who i feel tumblr is incomplete without her presence and i know she’s on hiatus but we’ve shared a lot of things together and i just trust her so much 💞 she’s someone who i know i can say whatever i want and ahe’ll listen without judgment <3 another low maintenance friend and she’s always understanding, i miss u amy 🥺

absolutely love @kimyongs ‘s kind soul and calming presence “; bom is an absolute sweetheart and i just want to give her a hug all the time :( also another friend who if her presence is gone, i feel lonely :( love her so dearly she just radiates the sun and im happy i have her here with me on this blog <3

i love @5-14 and her ability to just !!!!! make me so happy !!!!! i remember the first time i messaged her and i was so dang nervous about her response but all of my worries washed away when she said such sweet words to me :( she just has a way with making me look forward to the next time we talk no matter the length of time passes and i think this is a very special characteristic <3 also 3 of 3 of the quintessential minbebe squad <3

there are so many more moots who i love with my whole heart and i would like to compliment them in just being them and making in so easy for me to love them but that would take me days to do 🥺💖 hoping that this gives u some positivity this weekend, thank you anon for allowing me to spread some love today :)

[lokisasylum]

Saw this tag last night and thought it was pretty cool, but was passing out from exhaustion from the vaccine so I couldn’t do it.

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). see if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag some of your favorite authors!

1. No Ordinary Love [BTS, yoonmin - Still in the works, but I wanted to add it because I really like the Prologue]

When I entered the club that night… I wasn't expecting anything to happen beyond a casual conversation and perhaps sharing a few drinks.

I knew very well how delicate the situation stood between us after a disastrous breakup years ago, followed by a bittersweet reunion that ended anything but friendly.

No, I wasn't there to beg nor did I want him to take me back. Jiminie had his life and I had mine.

All I wanted was someone to talk to… and he was there for me.

Can you blame me for that?

2. Forever, You Said. [BTS, jikook, vampire au]

All my life I wanted nothing more than to get away and live my life the way I want. So why… does it suddenly not feel enough? Why do I feel like I'm missing something? - Jungkook 

3. Lunatic High [BTS, fantasy au]

The sound of his own harsh breathing echoed loudly in his ears, only matched by the sound of his erratic heartbeat as he ran half blindly through the field. 

4. Heal My Heart [BTS, jikook; historical au]

"Did you come here to yell at me too?"

Jimin rolled his eyes, but couldn't stop the smile that was already forming on his lips at the sight of the young knight sulking in the corner of the room like a child.

"Of course not. I’m your physician not your squad leader or Seokjin-hyung for that matter." The elder reassured him while placing the bowl of water, rags, ointment and bandages on the nearest table. "So obviously I’m here to treat your wounds… just like I always do." He added in a smaller voice, more to himself than to Jeongguk.

5. A Promised Scenery [BTS, vmin; canon]

It was 4:00 AM, but they hadn't gone inside when they said they would half an hour ago.

Or rather they had meant to.

But the minute that their hands were clasped so tight, like they never wanted to let go, and their eyes met in a whirlwind of emotions, shy smiles and embarrassed laughter. That moment was the first time where the world stopped spinning for them.

6. You're my Tear/You're my Fear [BTS, jikook; songfic]

A broken home.

A sad song.

The curtain rises, but its the same old story from before. Different scenarios, but always the same ending.

7. Yoongi's Confession [BTS, yoonmin; canon]

Our entire relationship, our love, our life can only be compared to a violent car crash on an empty road at night under the pouring rain. 

 Lots of dark moments, heartaches, blood, sweat and tears. 

 It’s how it started... and ended.

8. Love Cravings [BTS, vminkook; a/b/o]

Jungkook groaned as his phone rang for the 20th time that night when he had finally gotten into his car.

All he wanted was to get back home, to his warm bed and SLEEP like he deserved. Was that too much to ask?

9. Dirty Habits [BTS, jikook; labeled as “late valentines smut” LOL]

Jungkook stumbled through the front door of his apartment, nearly tripping on the ‘Welcome Home’ mat that never quite made you feel as welcome as it was intended to. 

10. So Trust Me [BTS, vminkook]

--Words of love, encouragement, good health, best wishes, and strength continued to flow in waves every minute into his cell phone. Lifting his spirit and filling his heart with joy little by little though not as fast or as overwhelming as it normally should.

It’s been a hard year, not just for him, but for everyone.

Even with all the happiness and beautiful memories being created around him, there was still sadness lingering in his heart. But he wouldn’t let it show, not yet, not here.

11. The Reason [BTS, vminkook]

“Jimin-ssi, keep your defense up!!” Jungkook barked out without breaking his stance as he watched the other male stumble backwards on to the snowy ground with a loud thud.

Taehyung watched from the side, leaning against the wall next to the glass sliding doors to their apartment. Worry etched on to his features behind the large scarf half covering his face to protect him from the cold weather. It’s not the first time he’s come to watch his two lovers spar, but as to why the two insist on doing it at such an early hour in the morning where it’s the coldest its beyond him.

12. Peppermint Kisses [BTS, vminkook]

Something was up in the dorm and Jungkook didn’t like it one bit.

And that something was related to two particular members of Bangtan.

The 95z.

13. UNSTEADY (Prequel to All or Nothing) [BTS, jikook; canon]

I watched him lie through his teeth again today during practice. But it wasn’t just today, there had been many other times where I had watched Jimin do the same; skipping meals, sleepless nights, and when nothing else worked he’d wear himself out with excessive practice hours in the studio by himself.

But I’m not blind, I know it’s on me… yet he still insists on taking the fall by himself for what happened that day.

14. The Sleepover [BTS, vminkook]

Taehyung was the first to stir awake that morning with a long groan. His lashes fluttered weakly against his cheek as he tried to fight off both sleep and nausea from his system.

The hangover making its presence known with a vengeance.

15. All or Nothing [BTS, jikook; canon]

The door to his and Hoseok’s shared room slammed so hard that he could have sworn the thing would come off its hinges any moment.

How dare he?

How fucking dare he?

16. Beautiful Tragedy [BTS, jikook; soulmate au]

When I was four my mother used to tell me stories about Soulmates and how they were always bound to find each other no matter what. Because they were destined to be.

Born and made for each other.

No distance was too far, no language became a barrier, no obstacle too high or low to overcome. No hardship was too much to bare. Because soulmates were two halves of the same soul who's primary purpose was to find their way back to one another and therefore spoke their own language in their hearts.

17. Private Show [BTS, jikook; canon]

“You’re late.” A voice scolded from somewhere in the still dark room.

His hand immediately left the doorknob to reach for the light switch, revealing a figure leaning on the farthest wall, against the mirrors. His pink hair hidden by a cap worn low which also hid his face, a jean jacket over a black buttoned up shirt, dark ripped jeans and boots.

It was Jimin.

18. Sin For You [BTS, vmin; AU]

He was singing our song again at our favorite karaoke bar.

Our secret song… the one nobody knows about. That keeps us connected even at times when we had been involved with someone else.

19. It's all in your mind [BTS, canon with some subtle jikook]

It felt strange to be back home after being away for so long while filming the second season of Bon Voyage, and with a new comeback sometime in September, the schedules were sure to be tight for the rest of the year. So everyone at the dorm tried to make the most of it by getting organized and rest.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I mean... it said favorite opening LINES, in PLURAL.

WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED TODAY, KIDS?

That I need to work on my entries better =_=

Repeated patterns I may have noticed? Hmm... that I usually start the opening scenes with someone walking into a room (usually angry and throwing shit LOL), or describing sounds/smells/feelings.

And that in most cases its JK walking into said rooms and literally walking into some unknown chaos 😌😅 (said chaos being Jimin).

Tag... I don’t know if any of my favorite authors are here on tumblr, much less if I’m following any of them because lately I’ve been checking out authors who announce their work via twitter.

But if any of my moots are authors, go for it.

[sooyoungl0vr]

when they fall in love with you but you’re their guardian angel | wayv

genre! fluff and angst, angel!au warnings! mentions of blood, suggestive death pairing! wayv x gn!reader author’s note! this is a liiiitle long, each realm kind of switches for each member and this whole thing all in all is very messy but! my ideas were flowing today so double update hehe dedication! @sugawarush​ my bestie and @stayctday for being my first moot on here! happy reading <3 again, not proofread!

꒰ kun! ꒱

he knew how much trouble you could get in if he fell in love with you, but you were just so perfect he couldn’t resist himself.

he loved how your wings looked so soft, and they were. he knew because you would envelope him in them whenever he felt sad, exhausted or drained, you would be there for him. arms and wings spread for him.

on some days, you’d take him with you up in the air, overlooking all the beautiful cities and buildings, his worries long forgotten. seeing you, feeling you had just been the start of this dream he so desperately wanted to hold onto.

after one particularly hard day filled with practices and angry retorts towards his bandmates, kun had wanted nothing more than to cuddle up with you, sipping on hot chocolate as you tell him endless stories of your life as an angel. but instead of opening his door to your bright smile and pure wings,

“y/n!” his strangled gasp catches your attention, your body flinching away from him. his bag drops to the floor as he rushes to your side, his arms going straight through your figure. eyes widening, the blood continues to flow out from the wounds on your wings.

“w-what happened? why can’t i touch you?!” kun yells out, frantic. he knew staying calm was something he probably should have done, but right now, he didn’t want to lose you. he couldn’t lose you.

“it’s okay, hmm? you don’t need my p-protection anymore.” your sad smile haunts him, blood slowly trickling down your chin.

“no. no, this is my fault isn’t it? i shouldn’t have—!” kun’s panicking. he knew loving you was a risk, he knew he shouldn’t have done it.

“it’s not, kun. you’re so hard on yourself, as always.”

your usual bubbly voice was soft, your smile wasn’t as bright— neither were your eyes. kun lets out a shaky breath, scooting closer to you. he wasn’t about to let you be alone, not even in death.

your sad smile is the last he sees, contrary to the bright ones you’ve shared with him all your life, watching quietly as you fade from his arms.

꒰ ten! ꒱

you’ve always been the foolish one. you weren’t one to follow rules, even as a human. your parents had always scolded you, telling you every little thing they wanted you to change about yourself.

so when ten showers you with compliments, you hadn’t known how to handle them.

“what?” the blush on your cheeks made him giggle as he sipped on his coffee, his free hand stroking leon’s fur as he laid next to him.

“i said you’re adorable.” ten shrugs, loving the way you’d get flustered over every single thing he said.

he knew loving you would come with a price, but right now is all he’d ever ask for, the both of you sitting in his room with his cats and your beautiful wings tucked away on your back.

꒰ winwin! ꒱

one of the many things sicheng loved about you were your eyes. you hadn’t ever heard that before, people usually loved your wings, or your halo, but sicheng loved your eyes.

“my eyes? what’s so cool about them?” your brows furrowed as you looked to the nearest mirror, examining the way your pupils dialated ever so slightly.

“i love them because i see you in them.” he murmurs, focusing on the way his body moved to the soft beats of the music.

you turn towards him, his attention fully on the music. “what?”

smiling, he still doesn’t look towards you, your confusion growing with every second.

“i see you. i see the way you love, the way you empathise, the way you think, everything.” sicheng grins, the sweat drips off his forehead as the music in the background fades, transitioning into another song on his playlist.

your smile perhaps is the brightest thing in that room that night.

꒰ lucas! ꒱

lucas would be so infatuated with you. the first day he sees you, walking around the dorm, playing tricks with bella even if she couldn’t see you.  both of you would be so shocked, your expressions mirroring each other.

over time, lucas falls for everything about you. your smile, your wings, your personality, your love for people; name anything involving you and he’s probably in love with it already.

“we can’t, xuxi.” your sad murmur confused him as he watched you play with your fingers. the blush that had taken over your cheeks assured him you returned his feelings.

“we can’t? do you have an angel boyfriend or something?” his light retort pushes a small laugh from you, shaking your head in response.

“humans can’t love their guardian angels.” his frown grows deeper as he attempts to reach for you. you move away from him, rising to your feet and stretching your wings.

“i’m going, xuxi. don’t do anything that needs my protection while i’m gone, okay?” smiling slightly, lucas tries once more to reach for you, but his hand goes right through your arm as you fade away from his sight, away from his heart.

away from him.

꒰ xiaojun! ꒱

dejun would absolutely fall in love with you the moment he sees you. your looks take his breath away, but upon getting to know you he falls more in love with you.

the first time you saved him messed with his head, thinking he had seen you in his dream. but alas, he woke up with your gorgeous eyes worriedly peering down at him.

“you good, dejun?” smiling slightly, he jumps, not recognizing you. his eyes travels to your wings, his heart pounds as confusion swirls in his mind.

“oh! i’m your guardian angel, y/n!”

dejun’s heart calms, recognizing you as his savior. the pink on his cheeks only intensify as your smile brightens.

he knew falling for you would be the easiest thing in the world.

꒰ hendery! ꒱

poor dery wouldn’t believe that you were an angel. seeing your wings and all only pushed nervous laughs from him, his hand reaching his phone to ring any one of his bandmates that a saesang had reached their dorms. rolling your eyes, you sit down next to louis, petting the cat’s head and listening to him purr.

“do you want to fly with me?”

your question halts his movements, his eyes widening as he stares at you. your eyes sparkle as you smile at him, rising to your feet and stretching your wings.

“c’mon, i’ll show you i’m real.”

that was the first time hendery had felt his heart flutter. it was different than hearing the cheers from their fans pre-concert, different than perfecting a dance, different than everything.

he learned everything about you, your likes, your dislikes, your life as an angel, your favorite places to be. he learned about your human life, or the little that you remember of it. he learned your favorite color, favorite word. he learned you.

he didn’t know when it started, but he’s completely smitten over of you. his heart would pound every time you needed to save him, his cheeks would burn every time you complimented him.

he was completely head over heels for you, and he was only continuing to fall for you every day.

꒰ yangyang! ꒱

he hadn’t expected you to show up. he’s heard from his bandmates about guardian angels, but never did he expect to meet his very own.

“hiya! you’re home!” smiling, you seing your legs as you sit on the edge of his bed. the crease of his bed isn’t there, proof of you truly only existing for him.

“y-you’re... my guardian angel, right?” his soft whisper is hesitant as he smiles back, finding yours very contagious.

your brow raises as you grin wider, feeling happy he wasn’t scared of you. “why yes! happy to be of service!”

he had discovered just how much you mirrored him, and maybe that’s why he had fallen in love with you. your bubbly personality complimented his so well, he hadn’t known why you didn’t show up sooner.

he never really needed saving, but you stuck around him more often than you should’ve, and he was grateful. he knew how selfish that had been, but frankly, he didn’t care. he loved your presence, he loved your laugh, he loved your smile, he loved you.

“y/n?” yang grins as he sees light flowing from inside his room, already excited to find you sitting on his bed.

“i’m not angel y/l/n, unfortunately.” a higher pitched voice answers him as he opens his door, the sight of a different girl— a different angel startles him.

“who are you?” he frowns, grippimg his bag tightly.

“angel y/l/n has broken our sacred rule, so she has faded from existence. i’m your guardian angel now.”

yang’s heart drops as the images of you slowly fade from his memory.

“no.”

his new angel watches in pity, slight sadness as she watches the young boy forget his first love.

ah yes. pain <3

[paperbodiesamongthestars]

Day 30: Lily-of-the-valley

Hey! We made it to the end of the Harringrove April Challenge! Read this one on AO3, or read all of my entries for the challenge!

The sunny April day when Neil seized up and starting clutching at his chest at the breakfast table wasn’t the best day of Billy’s life—that had come two months earlier, in Steve Harrington’s stupid plaid bedroom—but it was definitely in the top three. Well, top five, anyway—he’d had a run of good days in the last couple of months. 

Susan, as expected, fluttered around uselessly while Neil toppled from his chair and Max, also as expected, calmly continued eating her breakfast. It took a lot to faze her, these days, and Neil had started grabbing her arm, hard, when she did something he didn’t like. Which, Max being who she was, was often. For his part, Billy stared at his father thrashing around on the floor and tried to look like he was frozen in shock, but no one was paying attention to him anyway. Susan was focused on Neil, and Max glanced over at them only once before she went back to eating her cereal. By the time anyone got around to calling 911, it was mostly a moot point. Neil died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital of an acute cardiac arrhythmia.

The months after Neil’s death were strange ones in the Mayfield-Hargrove household. It turned out that Neil had quite a sizable insurance policy, so his death hadn’t put Susan in a difficult position the way Billy had been worried it would. Outwardly, life carried on much the same as before—Billy drove Max to and from school, and both of them were expected to be home for dinner nearly every night. In many other ways, however, the difference was profound. Susan cooked whatever she wanted, for one thing, and it turned out she was a decent cook when she wasn’t trying to make Neil happy. She hummed to herself as she moved around the house, and redecorated the living room, and joined a book club.

Billy’s shoulders gradually came down from around his ears when Susan didn’t immediately kick him out, and when he broke a glass in the kitchen two months after Neil’s death, he only panicked for a moment. Susan came out at the sound of shattering glass, and once she had established that Billy was okay, she got down on the kitchen floor with him and helped him clean it up. 

Max gradually lost the brittle edge she had started to pick up after she had walked in on Neil shoving Billy into a wall in December, and she smiled and laughed more freely than she had in months. Part of that was probably because Lucas was welcome at their house anytime, but the other part of it was because there wasn’t anyone around to get mad when she wanted to cut her hair shorter, or leave her door open while she listened to music, or tease her dumb step-brother.   

It wasn’t always easy, but it gradually got easier. The first time Susan tried to tell Billy he couldn’t go somewhere, he screamed that she wasn’t his real mom, and then stormed out and drove to Steve’s house, where he sat outside for so long that Steve came out and climbed into the passenger seat to hold his hand until he stopped shaking. When he finally got up the courage to go back to the house, the door was unlocked and the porch light was on, and the lock was gone from the outside of his bedroom door. Susan was sitting in the kitchen, waiting up for him, and the look on her face when he came in the door wasn’t anger—it was relief. 

“I may not be your real mom,” she said firmly, “but I am going to parent you, so you’d better get used to it.” Billy had always assumed that Max had gotten her fire from her dad, but it turned out that maybe she had gotten a little bit of it from her mom. Susan made him cook dinner for a full month after that, but she didn’t take his keys, or kick him out, or tell him he was a worthless piece of shit who didn’t deserve any of the nice things he had.  

The next time she told him he couldn’t go somewhere, he snapped at her instead of yelling, and then he stormed into his room and slammed the door shut as hard as he could, but he didn’t leave. He got dinner duty again and he had to clean the bathroom for a full month, but he found that he wasn’t even really that mad about it. 

By the end of the summer he hardly even bothered to tell Susan that she wasn’t his real mom anymore, and he hadn’t slammed his door in ages. He just rolled his eyes and did what she told him to do because she continued to demonstrate that she gave a shit about him, for some reason, and Billy didn’t hate that nearly as much as he thought he would. 

Partway through September, Billy was reluctantly dragging himself out of Steve’s bed, and Steve was, as usual, not helping. 

“I have to go home, baby,” Billy said, leaning back in for yet another kiss. Steve pulled back and smiled at him, bright and happy. 

“You’ve never called it that before,” he said, and Billy frowned at him. 

“What?” he asked, confused.  

“You always say that you have to go back to the house,” Steve said. “You’ve never called it home before.” 

“Oh,” was all Billy could manage to say. He flushed and looked away. Steve sat up and pulled him close, pressing a kiss to his temple. 

“I think it’s really nice,” he said. “It makes me happy that it feels like a home to you now.” Billy didn’t say it out loud, but it made him happy too. 

Steve was in the kitchen at Billy’s house on a cool October Saturday, using a serrated knife to slice around the top of a pumpkin. He was telling Dustin and Will a story, as animatedly as ever, and it took a moment for Billy, absorbed in scooping the seeds out of his own pumpkin, to register Steve muttering a quiet “Shit.” By the time Billy looked up, hands covered in pumpkin guts, Steve’s wrist and forearm were covered in blood. Billy scrambled to his feet, but before he could do anything Susan was there, wrapping Steve’s hand in a clean dishtowel. She had him raise the arm above his head to slow the bleeding, and held the towel firmly to the deepest part of the cut. 

Once the bleeding had slowed, she had the cut cleaned, disinfected, and bandaged in no time. She caught Billy watching her as she walked Steve efficiently through the process, and she flushed a little when she met his gaze. 

They didn’t talk about it until later that night, when the jack-o-lanterns were set up on the front porch and Max was off at a sleepover. Steve was asleep on the couch, bandaged hand tucked carefully above his head. He still looked pale, and Billy gently smoothed the hair back from his forehead. He didn’t realize Susan was there until she cleared her throat behind him. Billy stopped himself from snatching his hand back, and reached out to gently run his thumb over Steve’s cheekbone before he turned to her. She gestured toward the kitchen with her head, and he followed her. 

Billy sat quietly at the kitchen table while Susan made two mugs of tea. She slid one across to him and then sat down, eyes on her mug. There was a long silence. 

“You reacted quickly today,” Billy said quietly, and then he cleared his throat. “Thank you.” He hoped it conveyed what he wanted it to. She glanced up, her gaze drifting to where the top of Steve’s head was just visible over the arm of the couch, and she smiled a little. Then she looked back down. 

“I used to volunteer with kids a lot when Max was little. I guess the first-aid training never really leaves you,” she said. 

“So…” Billy said, and then trailed off. He wasn’t sure he could say it out loud. She saved him from having to. 

“So yes, I have always known that time is of the essence when dealing with a potential heart problem,” Susan said with a sigh. “I have also always been pretty decent in a crisis.” Billy just stared at her, remembering her wringing her hands while she stood over a twitching Neil, making no move toward the phone. 

“But…” Billy said helplessly. She shrugged. 

“Neil never did think I was particularly capable. It’s possible that seeing any competence at all on my part would have killed him right then and there,” she said drily, with a twist of her mouth that might have been a smile, and Billy almost choked on his tea. She looked up and calmly met his gaze. “I guess we’ll never know,” she said slowly. “Just like we’ll never know why Neil’s salad that night contained some finely chopped greens that no one else’s salad had.” Billy paled, but Susan reached across the table and placed a hand over his. “Things have been good, these past several months,” she said firmly. There was a very long silence. 

“Steve’s mom has a really beautiful garden,” Billy said, in what must have seemed like a complete non sequitur. Susan looked at him, a question in her eyes. “She grows all kinds of flowers,” Billy said, “including a large patch of lily-of-the-valley. She’s been warning Steve to stay away from it since he was just a kid.” He watched understanding dawn in her eyes. 

“I wondered why the dishwasher was running when I got back from the hospital,” she murmured. 

“I didn’t let Max touch anything,” Billy said. It was important to him that she know that. Susan nodded. 

“Well,” Susan said, finishing the last sip of her tea and standing up, “if you think it would be alright with Steve’s mom, maybe you could cut some from her garden sometime. They’re lovely flowers, and it might be nice to display them in the house.” Billy caught the little gleam in her eye and wondered, not for the first time, what it must have been like, being married to his dad. “Oh, and Billy?” she said as he carried his mug to the sink to wash it. He turned to look at her. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m going to bed. If you don’t want to wake Steve up to move him to your room after you think I’m asleep, you’re welcome to just sleep out here with him. It certainly doesn’t bother me.” Billy just stared at her. He could feel the blush spreading over his face and down his neck. The smile she shot him was almost, but not quite, a smirk. “Good night,” she said. 

“Good night,” he replied faintly as she turned and walked down the hall. He shook his head as he returned to the living room and his sleeping boyfriend. Who could have guessed that Susan was so full of surprises? Billy stretched out on the couch, and Steve snuggled closer to him with a soft, contented little sound, burying his face in Billy’s neck. Billy smiled to himself. The sunny April day when Neil died had been a good day, but it wasn’t in the top five anymore. It wasn’t even going to stay in the top ten for long, and not just because he had a perfect boyfriend. He also had a family, and a place that felt like a home. 

He’d bring Susan all the lily-of-the-valley she wanted. It didn’t bloom year round, but maybe she’d like a nice perfume. Or a throw pillow with the pattern on it. Steve would have some good ideas; Billy could ask him tomorrow, when they woke up together on the couch in Billy’s home. Maybe he and Steve could even get matching tattoos. After all, Steve and his patch of lily-of-the-valley had brought a lot of good into Billy’s life, by taking just one bad thing out of it. 

[betweentheracks]

Updates//Recent Inactivity

Hello all! This is me finally taking some time to sit down and offer up a rundown on how life is currently going as a means of explaining my inactivity. This is a personal post that is guaranteed to be both rambling and emotional so if that is not your cup of tea, I understand and happily advise you just skip over this post as it is not relevant to the actual content this blog was intended for.

EDITED: After reading this back I now realize this is really just me spilling the tea on my own life and is laughably dishy in details which is extremely not my usual stance on my personal privacy. But idk, it was cathartic so I'm leaving it as is despite the urge to redact 70% of what I say.

I'll start with the good news that I am officially out of lockdown and have remained COVID-19 free since my return home from the hospital. This also means my son finally was allowed to come home to me which is dazzling and exciting and also a little terrible too. He's at a precocious age where tantrums are the cool way to communicate and having been gone for so long completely thrashing his established routine has caused friction. He came home and his parent was not the same as when he left; is much weaker and less energetic than before, paler and shaky - but also there's the addition of my best friend having moved in to assist and take care of me/him while we all do our best to muddle through.

The readjustment has been rough and a lot of this week has made me incredibly thankful to have practically zero memory of how I was as a child. There have been injuries: I have been whacked in the face with the metal cover for a floor vent while dozing on the sofa instead of paying rapt attention to whatever silliness he was showing off to me, there was his complete dismissal of me asking him to stay back and away from the hot oven as I pulled lunch from it's fiery jaws only to then be faced with a toddler quickly approaching with his hand raised to touch so I naturally made a move to block him and in the process I let go of the oven door which slammed upward and clamped my arm tightly between it and the inside cavern of the oven while it was set to a roasty 400 degrees Fahrenheit - earning me a mangled arm with burns of varying degrees, and then we also had that fit where it seemed like a much more grand idea to scale the babygate cordoning the stairs and I had to rush up them to stop him from tumbling face first down two flights and of course did the falling all on my own and did it backwards then slammed painfully into the wall of the landing. This all happened within a 48hr time frame and makes me wonder why I am so catastrophically inclined.

I have bruises that range the majority of my spine courtesy of the wall and stairs, two minor first degree burns on my forearm that are in the shape of an equals and quite large despite the lack of actual pain I feel from them, and the underside of my forearm was instantly blistered then popped then melted down into a horrid glob of skin mush and sticky red-orange and is a second degree burn that I have been assured is no real cause for concern as long as I tend it with care. In all, I managed to escape my momjuries relatively unscathed and with a child that was scared senseless at having hurt his momma and is quick to listen and never stops cuddling me in the time since. Here's hoping he isn't significantly traumatized from this since exactly none of this is especially his fault and is due to my clumsy, accident-prone status in life.

So yes, The Toddler has returned home to me and after some happenings we have settled and are happy. However, his blast from the past father has suddenly just decided to reemerge after more than a year of radio silence and static and has slapped me with a custody petition. Hooray. While I have no worries on this matter due to my mother working for one of the top custody lawyers in the state and snagging him as my representation, and the utter lack of competency on my estranged baby daddy's end clearly being displayed in literally anything and everything the idiot does/says, I do have to now go through the overhaul of a custody case and that is just so weak and exhaustive. Not to mention the basis of his claims that I am not fit to raise a child are founded in my health concerns and the crazy work schedule I keep; ironically, my health is making it so that I have much less insane hours and makes this fairly moot but to each their own I guess. Also worth noting on this matter is that he only did this now because he was recently placed under penalty for child support back pay and nothing in this world matters to him like his money and this is his special way of getting one over on me for tampering with his meager earnings. (He's a wannabe musician - the soundcloud rapper sort, just so we are all on the same page here). If I thought for even a second this was a genuine desire to be an active and stable parent I would be a lot less pressed to act in favor of making it legally binding that he can only see him under a supervisory condition and share time evenly, but it just is not believable in the slightest.

So the thing is - my health is actually quite dismal presently. I'm due in for open heart surgery on the 8th of April and until then I have been doing my utmost to mind all the nagging I get from doctors, PT specialists, the surgeons that will be slicing and dicing me, and my in-family medical practitioner that sometimes remembers he is also my brother and not just an MD. But like, you guys, this surgery is terrifying and technically is two surgeries rolled into one. They'll be cracking my chest open and then stopping my heart while they lift it from where it sits sweetly unhinged and lopsided in my body and very finely shave away some of the excess muscle that has built up around the wall of my heart as well as some unfriendly scar tissue that has lingered since my last surgery years ago. Granted there is no accidental slip that nicks my ugly gargantuan heart and renders me as good as dead, once this first part is finished the other surgeon will need to be deft and very quick to place this ventricular assisting piece in the valve that has all but given up on functioning altogether and do so in the time remaining before the time limit for my heart being essentially unplugged from by body is up, which would also feasibly mean my death. Lots of exciting and terrible sounding consequences, am I right?

Well let's bear it in mind that I am just below 30 in age and therefore not duly experienced in the realm of facing down my own mortality via making all necessary legal arrangements and managing my affairs and assets so that, in event of my untimely death, the custody case still doesn't stand a chance of snatching my son away to the sad misfortune of being raised by a man that has stated openly he only has interest in his kids so far as what they can do for him/get for him in terms of benefit and that he would be unwilling to be hypocritical and never deter his children from drugs and a lifestyle of extremely questionable moral integrity and hygiene alike. Eugh. But I also have had to make sure there is a DNR in place just in case things go wrong during the operation, my will has also been finalized and notarized, all my savings and financial/material assets have been squared away to come into my child's inheritance when he is of age and, most importantly, a document that states clear and direct instructions for him to be placed in care of my mother or, if she is unwilling or incapable, he will be under custodial order and guardianship of my best friend whom he has always viewed as a pseudo-dad anyway. Legally binding and even in light of the paternity petition this document supersedes parental right by way of the provided evidence I have submitted to prove a lack of parental credibility. That's right, I spent days lowkey stalking and sleuthing about to capture what I needed to show this man for what he actually is and I have precisely zero guilt or shame for doing it; this is my child on the line and that means momma doesn't have to play by the rules of snitches getting stitches or whatever other scary street rules he tosses at me as idle threats. (He's done this routinely for all the years I have known him, and it is somehow both pathetic and hilarious because he knows for a fact that, if I wanted, I could throttle him in less time than it would take for him to form a rational thought between his drug soaked braincells - I was also a person of less than savory character not too long ago and can handle myself very well. But I digress because I am losing my track of thought.

After the surgery I will have so damn much PT and rehab, all of which will be specific to varying parts of my body that will need to be reworked and strengthened. Weeks, months of it really. This surgery is major and hits heavy enough that I will be in the hospital for at least 10-14 days just recovering from it without taking into consideration any number of complications that could pop up. Hell, if they get in there and find a situation worse than they currently have an understanding of in the limited capacity of cardiology tech can provide of such a gnarled beastly heart and realize they can't really do anything with it after all, I'll be added to the transplant list. I think this is more daunting to consider than the surgery, honestly.

In that way that doctors have about them, I was "comforted" by being informed that this was an inevitability and I would have been faced with this in a matter of years - less than a handful actually - but the way COVID-19 chewed through me sped it up. I'm sure my years of substance issues were also very helpful in this endeavor, but either way I still am unsure whether I feel better knowing this or not? Mostly I think I feel conflicted and hopeful tempered with the caution of life being super shady in the ways it has often brought me to the doorsteps of dying in situations that seem like odd chance. I also am gifted with being so capable in jinxing myself that I brought myself to COVID-19 ("The way life is going I'll probably square up with Rona next week or some bullshit." Positive test flagged within the following week) and also into labor ("Watch me go into labor on Labor Day since that would be the sort of universal pun that would strike my bad penny having ass." Indeed hatched my youngling on Labor Day of that year) by saying some things within the scope of my bad humor that instantly manifested as reality so I'm not taking any risks here lol.

The gist is that life is really stirring up the winds over here and so I haven't been online and posting anything that would make my blog valid in a fat minute. I do apologize for this and also for the fact that this post took me nearly a week to type up, but when things calm a little I will be back in full. For the time being I will be sporadic and do what I can when I can!

Thanks to anyone that read this mess all the way here! And a big thank you to all of you still supporting me!

[vampiregirl1797]

Revelations on the Jet

Spencer Reid x Reader

GIF Not Mine.

Warnings: Mentions of a psycho unsub, otherwise none.

Word Count: 3,557.

Click Here For Masterlist.

Summary: Y/N is a technical analyst for the BAU unit at the FBI. Hotch asks her to come out and help with a case, but on the flight home a certain secret may come out, one she’s worked hard to keep buried for a while now—her crush on a certain genius. 

Working for the FBI had never been part of ‘the plan’ when I was younger. Growing up, whenever someone asked me that question I’d always answer with a crime-fighter, and I supposed in a way I was. I was recruited when I left collage at 22, my technical analyst skills had been better than anyone in my graduating class, and apparently good enough to garner the attention of government officials. I started working under the guidance of Penelope Garcia, a colourful, bright and warm hearted woman that I’d become fast friends with. Once she was confident in my abilities, I was officiated and added on to work with her and the BAU team. 

Now here I was at 25, and happier than I’d ever imagined I could be. I had a job I adored, friends that were more like family and a crush on a certain team member that I planned to take to the grave. Life was good.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by my phone ringing, I answered without checking who it was, eager to complete some tasks for the team, ‘hello you’re graced with the presence of Y/N, speak and your wish will be granted.’ I supposed you could say working in the same office as Garcia had rubbed off on me a little...

‘Y/N, we’ve found an encrypted computer in the unsub’s establishment, we need you to come down here right away to get into it.’ Hotch’s commanding voice spoke through my headset.

‘Come down there? Wouldn’t you rather Garcia? I mean she’s far more experienced than I am.’ I said, slightly panicked at the idea of leaving the comfort of the bat cave and going into the field.

‘No, Garcia is working on shutting down the website the unsub is using to communicate with the public, and we don’t have time to waste by sending the computer to you.’ He explained, his tone booking no room for argument.

‘Okay sir. I’ll be on the first flight out to Georgia.’ I sighed in defeat.

‘Text JJ with your flight details and she will arrange transportation.’ He hung up the phone and I took a deep breath in an attempt to crush my growing anxiety.

It took me two minutes of typing to secure myself a seat on the next available flight to Georgia, and once I was finished I started to pack up any equipment I might need, in case anymore tech-savvy equipment was uncovered while I was there. All in all I was done in twenty minutes, the to-go bag I had packed for occasions such as these—though this was my first time using it— was sitting on my lap as I waited for the alert that my car was here to drive me to the airport.

‘You’ll be fine, once you’re there and they sit you down at a computer, it’ll be like you’re here with me, just like always.’ Garcia said, her voice comforting as she patted my hand.

‘You’re right, I just over-think and worry about worst case scenarios.’ I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

‘If only our resident genius was here, he could tell you the low statistics of worse case scenarios actually occurring.’ She chuckled and after a moment, I did too, being able to picture Reid spouting out statistics was like breathing at this point.

‘You’re right. Nothing to worry about.’ I nodded, feeling a lot better.

The blonde butterfly gave me a knowing smile and handed me a small stuffed elephant, ‘take him with you, he’ll keep you safe and make you feel comforted.’

‘I can’t take Earl!’ I exclaimed, attempting to give him back but she refused.

‘He’s in your hands now, I expect him to come back as good as new.’ She gave me a serious look and I nodded, knowing she would be able to see the sincerity in my expression; at this point I had more ‘cheerful reminders’ in our office than she did, so I understood the importance of keeping them safe.

Ten minutes later I received the call informing me that my transportation had arrived. After a hug with Garcia, Earl and I were on our way to the airport, ready to decode this computer and help put this sicko behind bars.

//

I thanked the driver that JJ had arranged to pick me up as he dropped me off at the station with my equipment— he’d already taken me to drop my to go bag in my reserved room at the hotel. With a deep breath, I clutched Earl tighter in my right hand and carefully laid my bag over my shoulder.

‘Let’s do this.’ I whispered, walking through the doors with more confidence than I was feeling. 

I couldn’t see any familiar faces and I was just about to ask one of the uniformed officers where the FBI agents had set up when I saw familiar soft brown hair exiting one of the conference rooms.

‘Reid!’ I shouted, perhaps a little too loudly, but I ignored the stares of the officers and made my way over to the genius. 

‘Y/N!’ His expression brightened as he took me in, and when he saw that I was clutching Earl, his eyes softened. 

Before I could say anything, Reid scooped me up in his arms and just like that I was surrounded by warmth. My face rested against his chest and I couldn’t help but slightly nuzzle against the soft cardigan he was wearing, relaxing into him as the scent of his fabric softener and woodsy cologne invaded my nostrils. Honestly, Reid gave the best hugs, it was impossible not to feel relaxed, comforted and safe in his warm embrace. I’m not sure how long he held me for, but when he pulled back to look at my face, his hands lingering on the tops of my arms, my previous anxiety was gone.

‘How are you feeling? Do you need something to drink, something to eat?’ He asked, his voice soft as his observant cinnamon eyes took in my expression.

‘I’m good, I ate on the plane and I have water in my bag.’ I smiled, trying not to blush as I felt his hand hovering above my lower back as he led me to the conference room.

‘Are you ready for this?’ He asked once I was sat down with the unsub’s laptop in front of me and the appropriate equipment attached.

‘Honey, I don’t think I ever am, but it doesn’t matter, any hesitation on my part could endanger lives or prevent us from saving them so we prevail.’ I pulled my hair up into a ponytail with one of the scrunchies I kept on my wrist and began typing.

Due to my concentration on my task, I failed to notice the way Reid’s cheeks coloured red at my term of endearment, or how he fiddled with the papers in front of him as a ruse whenever he paused for a moment to observe me. 

‘It’s too quiet in here.’ I mumbled after a while, knowing at the bat cave I’d have music playing in the background, not so loud that we couldn’t concentrate or wouldn’t hear our phones if they rang, but loud enough for me to concentrate fully. Pen hated it at first, until I suggested we took turns picking the music, now she loved it and needed it as much as I did.

‘There’s no sound system in here, but I have my headphones in my bag if you wanna hook them up to your phone?’ Spence suggested, sounding almost timid.

‘That would be amazing,’ I paused for a moment to accept them with a bright smile, before plugging them into my phone and getting back to work. 

I clicked on one of my many ‘work’ playlists and carried on, humming along to Apocalyptic by Hailstorm. Great song. 

I couldn’t have told you how long I was working for, but when a hand tapped me on the shoulder I was so startled that I screamed, my right hand blindly lashing out in the direction of whoever had interrupted me. I exhaled a breath of relief when I saw Derek, hands up in surrender and making no attempts to hide his amusement. I pulled my headphones off and gently set them on the desk in front of me.

‘Derek what the hell?’ I exclaimed, my hand over my chest in an attempt to calm my heartbeat, ‘I was in the zone, you don’t bring someone out of the zone like that unless you want to give them a cardiac arrest!’

‘I’m sorry sweet girl, are you alright?’ He chuckled, winding an arm around my shoulders and pulling me in for a side hug. 

‘I will be,’ I sent him a glare as I pulled back, but we both knew it was half-hearted.

‘Where is everyone?’ I wondered, but my question was rendered moot as I saw Reid, JJ and Prentiss making their way over to us.

‘Hotch and Rossi are interviewing the latest victim’s parents, JJ and Prentiss and I have just come back from the latest crime scene.’ Morgan explained.

‘Latest victim?’ I repeated, my tone hinting at my sadness over the news. 

‘Yeah.’ Derek offered a comforting smile, kissing my cheek and releasing me as the others joined us in the room.

‘Y/N!’ Prentiss and JJ said in unison, both stepping forward and wrapping me in a hug.

‘Nice to see you’ve come up for air!’ JJ teased as they both pulled back and took seats at the table. 

‘Nice to be acknowledged.’ Prentiss winked to show she was teasing.

I chuckled, but I could feel a flush of embarrassment as I paced, trying to ease my suddenly stiff muscles, ‘sorry guys, you know what I’m like, plus it’s paying off as I’m almost in!’

‘That’s great, Y/N.’ Spence offered me a bright smile and a cup of coffee.

‘Oh my god, thank you so much!’ I cheered, taking a gulp straight away, pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t scalding hot, but the perfect drinking temperature. 

The others laughed at my exclamation but I paid them no mind, knowing they were only jesting. Plus they knew me well enough to know about my caffeine addiction by now.

‘Right, if I get back in now, I can probably have the computer completely de-encrypted by the time Hotch and Rossi get back.’ I cracked my knuckles, put my headphones back on and dove back in after giving them a peace sign. 

It felt like seconds had passed when Reid placed his hand next to my computer, not suddenly enough to scare me, but soft enough to gain my attention. I looked from his hand and up to him, smiling immediately at the sight of his soft cinnamon orbs.

‘What’s up Spence?’ I asked, slipping the headphones to rest around my neck. 

‘Hotch was wondering how close you are?’ He murmured softly, his chin gesturing to the speakerphone at the centre of the table.

‘Actually, Sir, I’m waiting for the final part of the code to be de-encrypted, so minutes.’ I said, my voice tentative.

‘That’s great, Y/N, we’re all on our way back to the station to see what you’ve uncovered.’ He replied, and I barely managed to get out a ‘thank you sir’ before he hung up the phone.

‘Why are they all coming back?’ I wondered, my voice soft and a little confused. Usually in these kinds of cases Pen and I sifted through the relevant information and then sent it directly to the team.

‘This unsub takes great gratification in his murders, but when we searched his apartment we didn’t find any souvenirs that would allow him to relive his crimes. We think he has something on his laptop to allow him to do that.’ Spencer explained, his eyes gentle with understanding as my expression became distraught.

‘Right, okay, sicko souvenirs coming right up.’ I said, putting my nausea and disgust to the back of my mind to allow myself to focus.

‘Are you sure you don’t want a minute?’ He said, his hand gently resting on top of mine on the keyboard and halting my movements. 

I turned my hand over and gripped it in mine tightly. No words were spoken between us, he let me hold his hand for as long as I needed and when I finally felt in control of my emotions again, I sent him a grateful smile that he returned.

‘Thank you, Spence. I didn’t realise how much I needed that.’ I squeezed his hand once more before letting go.

‘I’m always here for you, Y/N, whenever you need me.’ He promised, patting my shoulder on his way out of the room. He was holding his coffee mug so I assumed he was going to get a refill. 

I was snapped out of watching him walk away as the computer in front of me beeped: ‘Access Granted’ was written in green against the black desktop, before it disappeared and allowed me into his files. With a deep breath I started sifting through, finding the evidence of his crimes quicker than I would have liked— it turned out that aside from some accounting files, this laptop was primarily used for storing every horrific thing he’d done to these women. He had nine videos, each of a different blonde haired Caucasian woman being tortured and then eventually murdered. I could tell this must have gone on for hours for each individual woman, but he’d clearly edited the footage down to the ‘best bits.’ Each was five minutes long and I’d just finished watching the last video when the team rejoined me.

‘Videos.’ I said, elaborating at the confusion, ‘his souvenirs are videos of his victims. The torture and each individual murder. He’s clearly edited the footage, but if he did that on this laptop then I can probably recover it if you need me to.’ 

‘We’ll all watch the current videos as they are, you get started on that, Y/N.’ Hotch said as the team all pulled out their tablets to watch the videos I’d already sent to them.

I nodded, pulling my headphones up and taking a deep breath to squelch the dread bubbling up in my gut. This isn’t about you I reminded myself, and with a nod I dove back in and uncovered frame by horrifying frame that the unsub had edited out. I had to call Pen and ask her to split the footage with me, as it was too much for me to shift through by myself, and time was of the essence. Once it was divided I leapt back in, trying not to flinch at every scream. I frowned when I noticed the unsub look up to the camera and smile, but he wasn’t looking into the lens, he was looking at something behind the camera. Or someone. With a hunch in mind, I ran the audio through a filter and took out the girls screams, bringing me to a shocking revelation. The unsub had a partner... and it was a woman.

//

As much as I hated flying, I was honestly relieved to be on the jet back to Quantico. I was settled in one of the singular seats by the window, staring out into the darkness and hoping that the victim we’d manage to save would recover from the trauma she’d been subjected to. No one should have to go through something so horrific, but I was just glad she hadn’t died like the others.

‘Hey.’ Spence’s soft voice broke me from my mind. 

‘Hey.’ I returned the greeting with a smile and accepting the blanket he offered me, ‘how did you know I was cold?’

‘I saw you rubbing your upper arms.’ He shrugged but he looked almost... bashful and it made my heartbeat stutter in my chest.

‘Well, thank you.’ I lifted the blanket to cover his both and explained at Reid’s raised brow, ‘we both know you’ll be dozing off soon, you might as well be cozy.’

He laughed softly, not wanting to disturb the other passengers— they’d all been asleep for a while now. When his arm came up and rested on my shoulders, I snuggled into his side without hesitation, missing the fond expression that formed on his face as I did. For the first time since he’d hugged me yesterday, I finally felt relaxed, calm and safe.

‘You did good on this case, you know.’ He said after a moment, his hand moving softly up and down on my arm.

I blushed, but otherwise reminded silent, not knowing what to say and not really believing he wasn’t just trying to be nice.

‘I’m serious. If you hadn’t uncovered that the partner was a woman, we would have released the girl when she came to the station claiming the unsub had beat her up.’ He said, the passion he usually reserved for his trivia coating his words.

‘I’m glad I helped, and I’m glad we were able to save Angela.’ I murmured quietly, but I knew he could hear me.

‘Me too.’ He agreed, holding me tighter to his side.

We were silent for a while, until he cleared his throat and said something that had me from the cusp of falling a sleep, to wide awake within seconds.

‘Derek pointed something out to me yesterday before you got to Georgia. He said that whenever you’re around me you’re relaxed in a way that you aren’t with anyone else.’ He spoke fast, his tone coated with anxiety and... hope? ‘It’s something I’ve never noticed before, but when he mentioned it, I found myself observing things I’d never seen before. The way you calmed as soon as you hugged me after you arrived at the station, the way you didn’t completely melt into the hugs Derek, JJ and Prentiss gave you. The way you didn’t jump when I caught your attention, the way your expression brightens up whenever we make eye contact.’ 

My heart was thundering in my chest, but my body refused to stiffen and remained as relaxed as it always did when I was in Spencer’s arms. I didn’t know what to do, I thought I’d been more subtle but apparently not. What should I say? But I realised he hadn’t actually asked me anything yet, and I assumed he was only bringing this up to address my feelings and gently let me down. Instead of jumping in and potentially making the situation worse, I decided to wait until he asked me whatever he was building up to ask me.

‘I guess I realised you feel safe and carefree with me.’ He took a deep breath, ‘and I’m relieved because you make me feel the same way. You make me feel calm, you make my mind slow down so I can actually keep up with the millions of thoughts that are constantly swirling through my mind. When you hug me, smile at me, hold my hand... the tension I didn’t realise I was carrying around just eases from my body. I can’t explain it with justice, Y/N, but I’m certain that what I’m feeling is love. I’m in love with you. And I was wondering if there was a chance that you would maybe go on a date with me?’

I knew my expression was mirroring the surprise and complete and utter shock I was feeling on the inside, because Spencer’s face started to redden with embarrassment. He opened his mouth again, probably to apologise, or something equally absurd, but I lifted my hand and gently placed it over his mouth.

‘I would love to go on a date with you, Spence.’ I told him, removing my hand when his eyes sparkled with relief and complete joy.

‘Thank god.’ He breathed, his forehead resting against mine as his eyes fluttered closed.

I breathed out a laugh, rubbing my nose against his softly and murmuring, ‘I love you too, you know. I have for a while.’

His lids lifted, his eyes had warmed to chocolate as they swam with happiness, ‘you have no idea how good that is to hear.’ His hand brushed my hair behind my ear and then caressed the side of my face.

‘I think I know pretty well.’ I grinned, my hand curling in his hair as we moved towards each other simultaneously. 

His lips were soft, warm and wonderful as they moved against mine. A part of me couldn’t believe how natural it felt to kiss him, but the other part of me was unsurprised— everything felt natural with Spencer, from hugging, to holding hands and not speaking a word to each other for hours at a time but enjoying one another’s presence regardless, there had never been a moment that hadn’t felt right. And this was no exception. His lips moved expertly across mine, with no hesitation, no reverence, as if we had done this together a million times before. And I had no doubt in my mind that we would do this a million times after, because there was no way that being with him felt so perfect, if it wasn’t meant to be. Spence was my soulmate that I was sure of.

A/N: I know, another Spencer Reid imagine! I’d apologise but I love him, and he’s all I’ve been inspired to write lately, so I’m embracing it. Hope you liked this one! 

[starryknight09]

Surprise?

Febuwhump Day 27: identity reveal

Read on AO3.

________________________________________________________

“Hey do you want to come over tonight?” Ned asked as they stood at their lockers, shoving their books into their backpacks.

“I can’t.  It’s a Friday remember?” Peter said, feeling kind of bad.  He knew he’d been neglecting Ned lately with everything that was going on in his life.  Juggling decathlon, school, homework, Spiderman, and his internship made it seem like there was just never enough time in the day, or week for that matter, for all the stuff he needed to get done.

“So?” Ned frowned.

“I have my Stark internship on Fridays.” He reminded him.

“Oh right.” Ned nodded as they walked down the hallway toward the school doors.  “So, are you going to tell Mr. Stark about you know what today?”

“Um no.” He winced.  He’d applied for the Stark internship on a whim a year ago and had actually gotten it.  The day he’d found out he was going to be interning directly under Tony Stark, he’d almost wet himself, but after almost a year of working with him, that had definitely faded.  As Mr. Stark would say, he sassed him more than he complimented him now.  

When he’d gotten bit by the radioactive spider six months ago, he’d thought about telling Mr. Stark about his new powers, but by then they’d grown close enough that he was worried Mr. Stark wouldn’t allow him to keep being Spiderman if he found out.  And then Ben had died.  And thoughts of anything else had gone out the window.

“Peter.” Ned chastised.  “It’s been weeks.  You should just tell him.  He’s going to figure it out soon anyway.”

“Not necessarily.  Spiderman’s been around for the last six months and Mr. Stark hasn’t figured it out yet.” Peter hedged.  Ok, so realistically he knew Mr. Stark would eventually figure it out, but he’d been extra careful ever since the man had started up his hunt to find out who Spiderman was.  Besides, Peter had an advantage.  He worked directly with his enemy, so he was always one step ahead of him and Mr. Stark had no idea.

“Yeah he’s been around for six months, but Mr. Stark has only been looking for him for the last three weeks.” Ned argued.  “He’s getting closer and you know it.”

Peter did know it.  On Wednesday Mr. Stark had shown him a clip of Spiderman swinging into an abandoned alleyway to change.  His mentor had been so sure he’d had him, but then a garbage truck had driven by the entrance of the alleyway just as Peter was leaving in his street clothes, luckily obscuring his identity.  Mr. Stark had sworn up a blue streak and Peter had made a mental note to be much more cognizant of city cameras whenever he was getting in and out of the suit.

“But if I tell him who I am then it’ll take all the fun out of it for him.” Peter smirked.  He’d known Mr. Stark long enough to know that as much as he kept complaining about ‘this webhead’ he was enjoying the challenge of it.  Peter didn’t want to spoil it for him.  At least that’s what he’d been telling himself the last few weeks ever since Mr. Stark had told him he wanted his help to find Spiderman.

“You’re playing with fire dude.” Ned warned as they passed through the school doors to outside.

“Why?  What’s he going to do to me if he finds out?” Peter said with false bravado.  “Ground me?  He’s not my dad.”

“Does he know that though?” Ned joked.  “Didn’t he pack you a lunch for school when you stayed over at his place last week?”

“Yeah.”

“And didn’t he spend all day watching a Star Wars marathon with you last weekend when he doesn’t even like Star Wars?”

Peter made a face.  Ok, so Ned kind of had a point.

“And don’t him and your aunt have like coffee dates every month now just to talk about you?”

“Ok ok I get it.”

“So how do you think he’s going to react when he finds out you’ve been keeping this from him?” Ned asked.

“He’s going to be pissed.” He decided.

“Right.” Ned nodded.  “And do you think he’ll be more or less pissed if he finds out on his own instead of you telling him about it?”

“Definitely more.” Peter agreed.

“Ok so you agree you should tell him today.”

“No.”

“Peter!” Ned shook his head.  “You’re hopeless.”

“It’s all a moot point anyway.  He’s not going to find out.”

“Hopeless and in denial.” Ned said.

Peter rolled his eyes.

“Whatever dude.  It’s your funeral.  Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Ned clapped him on the shoulder and turned to start walking home.  “Text me if you want to hang out this weekend.”

“I will.” Peter said and made his way toward the nondescript Audi waiting for him.

“Hey Happy.” He greeted the man behind the steering wheel as he crawled in.  Or as he liked to think of him, not-so-Happy.

Happy didn’t respond to his greeting as he started driving away, but Peter still liked to think he was slowly growing on the man.

“Guess what we did in chemistry today?  Our teacher said—”

“I’ll give you this snickers bar if you don’t talk for the next ten minutes.” Happy interrupted, holding up said candy bar as proof.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Ok.” He stared out the window.  The man was bringing him candy now.  He was definitely growing on him.

**********

Ned was wrong.  Mr. Stark didn’t figure out Spiderman’s identity that week.  Or even the week after.  Or the week after that.  Although Peter did have another close call with a traffic camera he didn’t know was installed nearby when he’d taken his mask off to deal with a bloody nose.  In the intervening weeks, he’d thought more seriously about coming clean to his mentor because Mr. Stark was getting a little obsessive and it was making Peter’s life a lot harder.  He had to completely avoid the area near his apartment now because Tony had come up with an algorithm to track where Spiderman was sighted and he was using it as a tool to try to narrow in on his possible residence.  Admittedly smart, but super annoying for Peter because now he had to walk at least ten blocks home every night after Spidermanning.  And his mentor had even figured out the components of his web fluid, although he hadn’t been able to successfully reverse engineer it yet.  Part of Peter felt a spark of pride at that even though some of his Mr. Stark’s failure might’ve been his fault.  He’d been trying his hardest to slow him down.  But now that his mentor knew the web fluid materials, he was looking for people who had bought large quantities of those exact chemicals.  At least Peter was safe in that regard, he still mooched everything from his chemistry class.  But by now even Peter had to admit it was only a matter of time before Mr. Stark thought of something even Peter couldn’t foresee or deter.

Ned had been on his case the past week about telling the man and Peter was seriously considering it for the first time.  

“Hey Mr. Stark!” He greeted as he walked into the man’s lab, feeling his usual flash of wonder.  After a year, having access to Tony Stark’s private lab still hadn’t gotten old.

“Hey Mr. Parker.” His mentor said, spinning in his desk chair to face him.  “How many more times am I going to have to tell you to call me Tony?”

Peter shrugged.  Honestly, he did it now solely because he knew it annoyed him.  “What are you doing?” He asked, sidestepping the question and pointing to the holoscreens Mr. Stark had pulled up over his desk.

Mr. Stark narrowed his eyes at him as if trying to decide whether or not to push the name thing, but after a moment he twirled back to face the screens, letting it go.  “I’m hacking into a bodega’s security camera.”

Peter walked over to him, dropping his backpack on the ground next to the desk with the weight of the knowledge that it held the suit of the very vigilante Mr. Stark was looking for.  He stared at the screens over the man’s shoulder.  They looked oddly familiar.  “Why?”

“Because I’ve finally got the little pipsqueak.” Mr. Stark said with eager excitement.

“What are you talking about?  Because you’re starting to sound a little supervillainy...” Peter joked.

“Spiderman.” Mr. Stark answered.  “I finally got him.”

Peter’s heart leapt into his chest as he asked nervously, “You did?  Um h-how?”

“He repeatedly patrols around this area.” Mr. Stark explained and pointed to the corresponding area on the map of Queens.  The part right by Mr. Delmar’s shop.  Oh shit.  He hadn’t thought of that and he thought he’d been so careful.  “Ever since I realized it, I’ve had FRIDAY continuously scanning the traffic cameras and we got lucky.  She caught him going into this alleyway here.” Mr. Stark pointed to the alley on the screen.  “Now watch.  A minute later someone comes out.”

Peter watched himself exit the alleyway with his navy hoodie pulled up over his head to obscure his face.  He breathed a silent sigh of relief.  There was no way you could tell that was him.

“Now, I know you can’t see his face, and I couldn’t get a good enough angle from any other cameras in the area, but I managed to follow him the next three blocks to this bodega.  I screened the footage from outside of it for the previous hour before he goes in, and if I’m right, it should be completely empty except for him.”

Yeah, that tracked.  No one had been in there when he’d visited Mr. Delmar and Murph yesterday.

“So?” He asked, sensing Mr. Stark was waiting for him to do so.

“So my young grasshopper, whoever this guy is goes in with his hood up, but when he comes out ten minutes later, look.” Mr. Stark pointed to the screen.  “His hood is still up but the strings around it aren’t pulled tight anymore which means…”

“He took it off in the store.” Peter mumbled in shock.  He had taken it off in the store.  He’d thought he was safe, and he hadn’t wanted Mr. Delmar to think he was being a weirdo punk.

“He took it off in the store.” Mr. Stark repeated with satisfaction.  “So, if I can hack into the bodega’s security footage, I can finally figure out exactly who this little twerp is that’s been evading me these past couple months.”

“Uh huh.” He said distractedly as he tried to figure out a way out of this, but no ideas came to mind.  Shit.  He never should’ve stopped for a sandwich yesterday during patrol.  It didn’t matter how hungry he’d been or how good they tasted.

Mr. Stark continued typing away and moment later declared, “Ah ha!  I’m in.”

“Um Mr. Stark, there’s something I need to tell you.” Peter tried to nervously interject, but his mentor was in the zone.  Peter could’ve been screaming he was on fire and Mr. Stark wouldn’t have heard him.

“Get ready to be amazed kid.” Mr. Stark said, cocky as hell as he brought up the footage from the camera behind Mr. Delmar’s counter.  “It’s finally time to see exactly who you are Spiderman.”

“Uh…” He really needed to say something or do something or—

Too late.  The feed from Mr. Delmar’s camera came up on the screen.  He froze.  There was Mr. Delmar, and Murph lying on the counter, and there he was walking in with his hood over his head.  Shit.  His hand moved up to his hood.  It was a lot like watching a train wreck in slow motion.  And his hood was off.  His profile wasn’t very descript, but he knew any second he’d turn toward Mr. Delmar and be facing the camera straight on.  And yep.  There he was.  In all his idiot glory.

“Wait.” Mr. Stark frowned and leaned closer to the screen as if he didn’t believe his eyes.  “That looks like…”

Peter winced and a split second later Mr. Stark whirled to face him, face showing absolute shock.

“You.” Mr. Stark accused and then said in disbelief.  “It’s you.”

He fake shrugged, holding his hands out, palms up.  “Surprise?”

“What the f—”

“I’m sorry!”

Mr. Stark stood from his chair so fast it fell over backward.  He pointed a finger at him.  “You’re Spiderman?  This whole time I’ve been looking for him and he’s been in my own lab?  My very own intern?”

“Um, it looks like it?”

“Don’t be cute.  Yes or no.”

“Yes.” He nodded, backing up as Mr. Stark slowly advanced toward him.  Peter’s eyes widened.  “I was going to tell you!  I was!  But then I just…didn’t?”

“You were helping me look for him!”

Peter made a considering face.  “Well, I was pretending to?  But really I was trying to stay one step ahead of you.”

He bumped into his desk chair and fell into it.  Tony stood over him, arms crossed, still looking more than a little angry.

“How.  Did.  This.  Happen?” Tony ground out.

“Um, remember that field to Oscorp that I went on about six months ago that you said I shouldn’t go on?” Peter asked nervously.

“Yes.”

“Turns out you were right.” He said as he nodded.

“What?”

“I uh got bit by a radioactive spider, and it made me so sick I thought I was dying, but then I woke up and I was this.” He gestured at his body.

Mr. Stark’s eyes narrowed at him.

“Oh.  Um.” He lifted his shirt so Mr. Stark could see his perfectly chiseled six pack abs.

“Jesus kid.” Mr. Stark shook his head.

“Oh and I lied about getting contacts.  I didn’t.  I just don’t need glasses anymore.  The bite fixed all of that.  And I don’t have allergies or asthma anymore either, so you can update that on my employee form if you want.”

“Yes because that’s what’s important right now.” Mr. Stark scoffed.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated although it seemed like Mr. Stark’s anger was cooling.  He didn’t look like he was about to have an aneurysm anymore.  “I should’ve told you when you started looking for Spiderman.  I know I wasted your time.”

“No!  You should’ve told me six months ago when it first happened!” Mr. Stark yelled.  Ok, so maybe he was still pretty mad.  “You thought you were dying and you didn’t tell anyone?  And then you woke up with superpowers and you still didn’t tell anyone?”

“Yeah, that’s the gist of it.” He grimaced.

Mr. Stark put his hand over his face as she shook his head.  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before dropping his hand and meeting Peter’s gaze to ask, “So no one knows?”

“Well, um, Ned knows because he caught me sneaking into my room as Spiderman, and now…you know.” Peter answered.

“May doesn’t know?”

“No.” He shook his head vehemently.

“Of course not.” Mr. Stark scoffed. “Because why would you tell a responsible adult you’re going out at all hours of the night to fight criminals.  Jesus.” Mr. Stark shook his head again in disbelief.  “You’re going out at all hours of the night to fight criminals.  Well that ends today.”

“No!” Peter shot to his feet and raised his chin as he faced Mr. Stark unflinchingly.  “I’m not going to stop!  And you can’t make me!” He knew the wording made him sound like a petulant child but he didn’t care.

Mr. Stark raised his eyebrows at him in challenge and Peter had to force himself to stand tall and not wither under his gaze.  Sometimes he forgot Mr. Stark was Ironman, Tony Stark, but at times like these, getting stared down by the man, he remembered.

Mr. Stark shook his head and said, “You’re fourteen years old.”  

“I’m fifteen!  And I know you know that!  You got me a birthday present.” He accused.  “Besides, I’ve been doing this for six months and I’ve been fine.  I’m not going to stop now.  And this is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you!  I knew you’d go all nuts about it!”

“Yes because not wanting to let a child run around in the middle of the night fighting crime is nuts.” Mr. Stark rolled his eyes.

“I’m not a child!”

Mr. Stark frowned and the next second he suddenly spun on his heels and marched over to where he’d left his backpack, lifting it up to his desk and opening it.

“Hey that’s mine!” Peter protested, hurrying over to him but it was too late.  Mr. Stark fished out his Spiderman suit from the bottom of it and held it out.

“This? This is what you fight crime in?  It’s a onesie!”

“No it’s not.” He frowned.  He’d put a lot of work into making that.  He didn’t appreciate Mr. Stark making fun of it.

“What is it then?”

“My super suit.” He smiled.

“We are never watching The Incredibles again.” Mr. Stark shook his head.  “And what are these?” His mentor asked, holding up his goggles to his own eyes.  “How the hell do you even see anything through these?”

Peter snatched them from his hands.  “They help.  Ever since I got my powers all my senses are have been dialed to eleven.  There’s way too much input.  Those help me filter it out and focus.”

Mr. Stark frowned, looking at him in a way he never had before, like there might be something wrong with him, which didn’t make any sense.  He’d never once looked at weak, little, half blind, asthmatic Peter Parker the way he was now looking at Spiderman.  Peter didn’t like it.

Mr. Stark dropped his suit to his desk with a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “So let me get this straight, you got bit by a radioactive spider, almost died but didn’t, woke up with super powers and then decided to sew a onesie and start swinging around town fighting crime?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Tell me why.  Why are you doing this?” The man ordered and Peter could tell this was important.

“Because…when you can do the things I can and you don’t and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.” He explained solemnly and tried not to think of his uncle lying limp on the concrete, bleeding out.

Mr. Stark sighed and dropped back down into his desk chair, resting a fist over his mouth as he examined Peter.

Peter tried not to fidget under the scrutiny.

“If I let you do this, we’re doing it my way.” Mr. Stark finally spoke.

“Yes!” Peter thrust his arms in the air and then threw himself at Mr. Stark to hug him.  “Thank Mr. Stark!  Thank you!”

Mr. Stark patted his back awkwardly.  “Yeah.  All right.  All right.  Don’t thank me yet.  There are going to be ground rules.  A lot of ground rules.  And a curfew.”

“Aw come on.” Peter complained as he pulled away.

“And I don’t want to hear any sass about it, because you can say I can’t stop you all you want, but you and I both know I can.” Mr. Stark held a finger up at him in warning.  It was true.  He did know.  “First of all, I’m going to make you a suit.”

“Really?” His eyes went wide.

“Really.  You’re in dire need of an upgrade.  I can’t let you keep swinging around town in this.” Mr. Stark poked at his super suit as if was a stinky pile of garbage.

“It’s not that bad…” He argued but the thought of having a suit built for him by Mr. Stark made him want to jump up and down in excitement.

“And I’m telling May.” Mr. Stark said.

“No!  Please Mr. Stark, you can’t tell her!”

“She needs to know kid.  You’re her responsibility and you’re out there risking your life.”

“Risking my life is kind of an exaggeration.  I mean I don’t do that many dangerous things.  I’m more like the friendly neighborhood spiderman.”

“I saw a video of you webbing up bank robbers last week.  They were shooting at you.  Very real bullets.  Very real life risking danger.” Mr. Stark said, not amused.  A second later he frowned as he stared off in the distance at the wall behind Peter, looking like he was deep in thought.

“Uh, Mr. Stark?” Peter prompted.

“Just replaying in my head all those videos I’ve seen of you doing stupidly dangerous stunts.”

Peter rolled his eyes.  “They’re not that bad.”

Mr. Stark arched an eyebrow at him.

“Please don’t tell May.” He pleaded.  “If she knows she’s going to freak out and then I’m going to freak out and she doesn’t need this kind of stress right now, not after…” He trailed off, not wanting to talk about his uncle’s death.  He could tell Mr. Stark understood though because he made the face everyone made whenever Peter mentioned Ben these days.

Mr. Stark ran a hand down his face and nodded.  “Ok fine.”

“Thank you!”

“But I reserve the right to change my mind at any time.”

“Fine.” Peter didn’t like it, but it was better than the alternative.

“So.” Mr. Stark sighed and slapped his thighs before standing.  “That web fluid.  You made that yourself?”

“Yeah.”

Mr. Stark smiled, and Peter didn’t think he was imagining the pride in his eyes.  “Where’d you get the supplies?”

“Chemistry class.”

Mr. Stark snorted.  “Of course you did.  You want to walk me through how you make it?”

Peter grinned.  “Sure.”

Huh.  Maybe Ned had been right.  Mr. Stark finding out hadn’t been as bad as he’d thought it would be.