#I am a tma survivor i know who they are

[whosectype]

I love Chester and Norris from the podcast The Magnus Protocol, who is Jon and Martin?

[lights-at-night]

did anyone else pick up on how many of the cases weren't from the victim's point of view? it's happened 3 times so far (4 if you count daria? she's complicated) out of seven cases. tma in comparison has 130 out of 154 statements (i am only counting s1-4 because s5 messes with format) (if the numbers are a bit funky please note that i hand counted them so i apologise for that). of course, we only have six episodes of protocol, but there is clearly a difference and i can still make a post out of it.

maybe it's because we aren't only getting stories from the survivors now, as other people have mentioned

but also, those accounts from the perpetrator remind me somewhat of statements from avatars. needles' poetic, ominous manner of speech sounded similar to statements like jane prentiss, manuela dominguez, etc. (side note: needles was very corruption in my opinion. calling the stabbing/other violent actions an act of affection was definitely reminiscent of jane and the hive, just saying). others have pointed the parallels between jonah magnus and the violin guy, but i'll do it again: guy obtains much power via acts of violence, and despite knowing it hurts people this guy continues to see the skill and power with a cost as a blessing, keeps the origin of the power secret and passes it onto another person, who they tell the origin of the power to and bestow the power upon this other person, who did not ask for this. samuel webber's contentment with his new form while retaining an underlying sense of fear is comparable to avatars who love and fear their entity in equal measure.

as well as this, these cases seem more directly aligned with tma entities. magp 4 is extremely slaughter, and resembles mag 42 (grifter's bone). magp 3 is corruption, and mag 6 is also corruption in my opinion (i think people agree with me on that?).

i'm sorry i haven't planned this out i just noticed something and spent an hour typing on my phone about it. tell me your thoughts in the tags, i'd love to see someone make an actual theory about this!

[shizucheese]

I'm going to use some discourse (?) I've been seeing on my feed as a bouncing-off point for some thoughts and theories I have as of TMAGP 8.

So like...I know a lot of people who are arguing about Gerry being goth vs. not goth in TMAGP are basing it off of the idea that he's happy.

"This Gerry isn't goth because he's happy and not traumatized!"

"You don't need to be traumatized to be goth, you can be happy and have lived a good life and still be goth!"

Um...guys? How often does it turn out that the most cheerful people are the ones hurting most?

Gerard Keaye is living with Gertrude Robinson and calling her "GG", and she's calling him her grandson.

Let me say that again:

Gerard Keay, descendent of Friend-of-Jonah Magnus (and finder of books that eventually were stolen by Jonah that may or may not have eventually became what we now know as Leitners) Albrect von Closen, lives with Gertrude Robinson, whose TMA counterpart was the head archivist of the Magnust Institute, and the Archivist, Avatar of the Eye. And calls her "GG." And she calls him her grandson.

Do you seriously believe for even a second that he was telling the truth about not having had much experience or remembering much about the Magnus Institute?

Do you honestly think for a second that those two are actually grandmother and grandson, even by adoption, and that this isn't just a cover? (Didn't they pull this same shit/ let people assume they were related in TMA, too?)

Like here I am smacking myself because I missed the very obvious fact that "there were no survivors"--in reference to the fire at the Magnus Institute--1) may not even be true for all we know (this is the fucking Magnus Institute, ffs), and 2) even if it is true, only means that nobody who was in the building at the time of the fire survived; it does not mean that everybody who worked for the Institute died.

So here's what I'm thinking: Gerry was absolutely part of the Gifted Kids program. Gertrude was an employee at the Institute. Maybe she was directly involved with the Gifted Kids program, or maybe she was Head Archivist again, but somehow had some involvement, even just tangentially, with the Gifted Kids program, or via some other circumstances ended up getting to know Gerry. Or maybe Gerry ending up with her was just pure dumb luck on his part.

Maybe she and Gerry survived the fire (maybe they were two of the very few, or were the only survivors?) And Gertrude took Gerry in after the fact.

Or maybe the Gifted Kids Program was like....exactly the kind of Bad News (tm) that I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking it was, and Gertrude had enough of a conscious that she grabbed Gerry and fucking ran, and so they weren't even there when the fire happened?

Or, wait, like....

What if the fire was a smokescreen to distract from her grabbing Gerry and running, or was to cover up any evidence of their existence or something so they could go into hiding?

What if Gerry isn't Gertrude's only "grandkid"?

The timeline absolutely does not line up for her to have been one of Gertrude's "grandkids," I'm acknowledging this here and now, because by 1999, when the fire happened, Agnes should have been in her 40's. But we also don't know how different the timeline is in the TMAGP universe or how long the Magnus Institute might have been running this "Gifted Kid Program", or what it involved, or what they would have considered "Gifted" in the context of what they were all about. So like...what if?

And if that's the case, who else might be Gertrude's "grandchildren" that we might recognize?

[calamityquellerei]

new pinned! pretty similar to the last one just with some added clarification as well as a DNI/BYI.

my name is Ei. i also go by Aoi, Baiyu, and Arabella!

in terms of marginalized identities i'm a bit all over the place. i'm a POC (Black, Falasteeni, Chinese, Japanese + others*). i'm queer as in fuck you and also as in lesbian and grayaroace. i'm intersex and transfeminine. i'm physically disabled and chronically ill. i'm Mad/mentally ill, including schizophrenia, personality disorders, and others. i'm a traumagenic disordered plural system. i'm intellectually disabled, autistic, and adhd.

*others refers to racial identities that i am not as connected to, and therefore am not comfortable listing.

full disclosure that i am also thin, hearing, seeing, non-religious, and usamerican. i only list these so people know what experiences i cannot speak on.

i'm an activist! i'm currently part of @bfpnola's advocacy committee, advocating for intellectually disabled, intersex, and Falasteeni lives.

i'm semiverbal (all the time not "go semiverbal") and a full time TTS user. i have been semiverbal my entire life.

i'm also a cult/OA survivor, although i don't talk about it very often and would prefer to not be asked about it.

DNF/BYF under the cut!

Before You Follow: - i support all plurals including nontraumagenic, nondisordered, median, spiritual, etc. plurals - i support the full decolonization of Falasteen. i do not support israel's existence as a state. - do not ask who is fronting or which alter made a post, even if we are good friends. - i support and love transmascs! i believe in transandrophobia and i firmly believe transmascs face unique oppression/discrimination because of their transmasculine identities. - i do not believe in TME/TMA labels, as nobody is "exempt" from any form of oppression. - i reclaim some slurs but not a lot and not often. if you reclaim a lot of slurs very often i support you! - i use support needs and severity labels for my autism (i have medium support needs/moderate autism).

Do Not Follow: - people who are going to drag me into syscourse. i'm pro endo, but i also don't mind interacting with most anti endos and neutrals and idc if you follow me as an anti as long as you're not going to harass me or try to make me do syscourse with you. - israel supporters, two-state "solution" supporters, anyone who doesn't support the full decolonization of Falasteen. - people who don't believe in transandrophobia - people who use TME/TMA labels - people who think support needs labels for autism are useless or "dividing the community" - anyone who regularly posts about shipcourse or is going to drag me into it - people who say "go semiverbal" or "go nonverbal". this only rly applies if you've been educated and choose to ignore the people educating you, if you genuinely didn't know and are open to education that's different. - people who use the term "theyfab" outside of an educational/reclamation context. even if you think the person deserves to be called it or if you claim it's not a derogatory term.

[althea-the-angel]

So guess who went down the rabbit hole of Magnus Archives/Magnus Protocol lore. Me! (Also spoilers for the Magnus Archives I guess?)

                                        THEORY 1 (AUs are canon?)

So, in the Magnus Protocol, the institute burnt down in 1999 and there were no survivors. (https://rustyquill.com/show/the-magnus-protocol/ me? citing my sources? shocking!) 

But we know for a fact that this didn’t happen in the Magnus Archives as we still have an institute and Gertrude was murdered years later by Elias, and so couldn’t have possibly died in 1999 like she would have if the institute burnt down while she was working there.

There is also the fact that in the Magnus protocol the institute is in Manchester while the fandom wiki (https://the-magnus-archives.fandom.com/wiki/The_Magnus_Institute) says that it was originally in Edinburgh but was then moved to Chelsea in London. Neither of those place are Manchester so it’s either a continuity issue or another piece of evidence for this theory.

Given that both of these things don’t line up with tma canon, and at least the fire one is definitely intentional, I think that the Magnus Protocol is set in some sort of alternate universe (and it’s not impossible bc similar things have happened before in tma, but we’ll get back to that later). That’s not my full theory though.

                         THEORY 2 (Sometimes you gotta commit arson)

Now, we know that the Magnus Protocol is an alternate universe because of the fire, but what caused the fire to happen in the Magnus Protocol but not in tma?Welcome to the 2nd part of my theory (where I felt like a god bc all the pieces were connecting but it was like 2am and I wasn’t really thinking about things like evidence or proof) 

See, it could be that a random event happened/didn’t happen in the Magnus Protocol and we just never hear about it in tma (and I’m not willing to rule out Agnes Montague just yet considering she would have been alive at the time) but I like to think that the clues would be there for us to find, both because mysteries with clues hidden throughout are kinda the name of the game for tma and I imagine that would hold true for this, and because it’s fun.

So, if the clues are hidden throughout, then what happened in 1999 in the Magnus Protocol universe that didn’t happen in tma?

According to the timeline for tma on the fandom wiki, (https://the-magnus-archives.fandom.com/wiki/Timeline#2000 again not sure how much I trust the details to be correct but I am not going through 200+ episodes to try and assemble a timeline) only three things happened in 1999 that we know about (Copypasted bc I’m lazy)

A number of the Magnus Institute's files are leaked to the press, causing widespread derision (MAG 68).

September - Mikaele Salesa sells a meat grinder to the cook on his ship. The cook begins serving his own meat to the crew, healing himself with the meat grinder. Mikaele fights the cook, who is thrown overboard (MAG 115).

October - The Bright Lake amusement park closes its doors for the last time (MAG 156).

I doubt that the meat grinder had anything to do with the fire considering that they weren't even in the area of the Magnus Institute, and pretty much had nothing to do with it, so we can rule that one out. Which leaves us with Bright Lake closing and files being released.

I considered that Bright Lake might be involved as they’re one of the only solid Extinction phenomenon, but fire doesn’t really seem to be the Extinction’s thing, (though alternate universes, of a kind, are so maybe they are involved) and again, it’s just not in the right area of the world. (also, fun fact, there is a real Bright Lake amusement park in I think the same place as in tma, and it’s open, so that’s fun)

That leaves us with the files being released. Off the bat this one is the most likely simply because it takes place at the Magnus Institute. It was also probably meant to be an act against the Magnus Institute, which increases the likelihood of the fire and the file release being related. After all, someone who is already pissed at the Magnus Institute could easily choose to seek their revenge in different ways in different universes. The intentions behind releasing sensitive information and burning a place to the ground could easily be the same. Plus the files being released is something that’s mentioned more then once, (I think, considering that I actually vaguely remember it, it probably was) whereas the meat grinder is a statement that never comes up again, and the Bright Lake thing is a single sentence in a statement that doesn’t even take place in 1999.

                            THEORY 3 (The timeline works, so why not)

So, we’ve figured out that the Magnus Protocol is most likely set in an alternate universe, and that whoever released the files in tma was probably the one to set the fire in the Magnus Protocol, but remember how I mentioned that alternate universes have happened before in tma? (I haven't finished season 5 bc procrastination is a bitch, but I think they may be mentioned there too? idk) So in tma there’s this lady called Anya Villette. Now she makes a statement in MAG 114 and it’s basically about how she was hired to clean Hilltop Road (the house, not like the entire street) and she got transported from her universe to tma. Now this confirms that alternate universes are a thing in tma. (I think it’s also confirmed in the end of season 5 bc there were a lot of jokes about it) 

Now this next bit isn’t really a theory, but what if Anya’s universe is also the Magnus Protocol Universe. There isn’t really any evidence for this, so again, not really a theory, just a claim with a decent timeline, but basically Anya says that she’s never heard of the Magnus Institute before when making her statement. She gives her statement in 2009. (And there are some time shenanigans but it doesn’t impact the year so we’re just gonna ignore it) In the Magnus Protocol, the institute burnt down in 1999, so if the file release never happened, (which I think was said to be why everyone knew what the Magnus Institute is? I feel like I remember that but I could be completely wrong.) and the institute ceased to exist in 1999 then it’s entirely possible that Anya wouldn’t know about it, despite it existing at one point in her universe.

[boombox-fuckboy]

Hi @rec-rewind, I hope you don't mind I make a post for this. I know you like Unwell, you've heard TMA, and you're listening to Archive 81 (if season 2 was more your thing). Here's 30 other horror pods for you:

Alice Isn't Dead: A truck driver travels America, telling stories of her strange encounters while looking for the wife she had thought was dead.

A Voice From Darkness: A radio help line for all your strangest and most disturbing troubles. Host Dr. Ryder takes calls, answers questions, shares strange history, and discusses ongoing supernatural problems around America.

The Blood Crow Stories: Each season is it's own horror story. S1 is tapes from a doomed cruise ship in WW2, S2 is a religious horror western, S3 is a cyberpunk with demons, and S4 is the occult and old-time movie studios.

The Deep Vault: Dead Signals' (Archive 81) other podcast, following survivors of a crumbling world in an underground bunker, complete with robots, ai, cosmic entities, etc.

Dining in the Void: Heads up for initial pacing issues and rough audio, but the issue is resolved, and I enjoy other aspects of the show enough to disregard. A group of strangers are summoned to a space station for a party, and promptly locked in with various horrors and an ominous countdown, until they can work out who the host is.

Dos: After You: A charming young hitman leaves home to travel Europe, hoping to track down, and kill, the god he fell in love with.

Down: A group of scientists and explorers are put in a submarine sent down an apparently bottomless pit in Antarctica. Nobody likes what they find down there.

Duggan Hull: After her friend/ex-girlfriend goes missing, a young woman tries to track her down and ends up in the middle of a strange and disturbing small town mystery. Fantastic piece of cosmic horror. (Not on Spotify)

Hello From The Hallowoods: A powerful entity visits your nightmares bearing stories of the people, in varying states of human and alive, who inhabit the Hallowoods, through horrors and joys, and as their lives begin to meet. Super queer.

Hi Nay: Supernatural horror following a young woman named Mari, who's babaylan (shaman) family background draws her into helping people with various horrific supernatural problems around Toronto. Formatted as phone calls to her mother telling her what's happened.

The Hotel: About a supernatural hotel that kills people, and the weird staff that make it happen.

How I Died: Work recordings of a forensic pathologist who can see ghosts, when he moves to a new town and encounters a strange sequence of murders.

I am in Eskew: Personal accounts from a man living in something that very much wants to be a city, and an investigator who was, in her words, hired to kill a ghost. Creatively horrific stories with a gentle voice and ambient rain. Rougher audio initially but not uncomfortably so.

Janus Descending: A xenopalentologist and a xenoarcheologist investigate the abandoned ruins of an ancient alien civilisation and find more than they bargained for. Listen to the supercut for this one. Really clever use of a strange format: you hear her recordings first to last, and his last to first, and it's all the more heartbreaking for it.

The Lost Cat Podcast: A man befriends strange entities, loses bits of himself and drinks an awful lot of wine while looking for his cat. Unique and fun writing that's stuck with me, yet just the right hint of cliché to make it satisfying in the moment, too. Soft and cosmic horror. (Not on Spotify)

Mabel: Series of voicemails from an elderly woman's caretaker, to her unresponding grandaughter. Horror/mystery with a slow slide into poetic lesbian fae body horror.

Maps of the Lost: An audio guide book to the strange people, places, and happenings of Britan. Lovely soothing voice, more supernatural or new weird but horror enough for this list.

The Mistholme Museum of Mystery, Morbidity and Mortality: You're led through a museum of strange artifacts by a sweet audio tour guide AI, who will tell you the story behind each one. More new weird but there's plenty horror in there too.

Old Gods of Appalachia: Tales from the 1800s and 1900s of an alternate Appalachia inhabited by witches, old gods, and entities beyond understanding. With the air of being told stories around a campfire, these tales are connected by individuals or places, seperate but not detached. Any character is disposable, but none are treated with less respect than they deserve.

The Petrol Station: Strange and unsettling stories from a young woman working at a 24 hour petrol station in a very remote british town. Only 5 episodes, but I am hoping for more.

Red Valley: British cryogenic conspiracy comedy horror with some truely gorey sfx at times. Not my sense of humor personally, but it is enjoyable regardless and well made.

SAYER: Several sophisticated AI bully you into completing an array of both mundane and horrible tasks.

SCP: Find Us Alive: First, you don't need to know anything about SCP to enjoy this. A research team gets trapped in an underground research facility when the complex collapses and the building is dragged into a pocket dimension. The tear it was designed to study begins creating tiny copies of itself, generating strange entities the team needs to deal with. Oh, and the entire situation physically resets every 30 days. And yet, this is genuinely also an office comedy.

The Sheridan Tapes: In 2018, famous horror writer Anna Sheridan went missing leaving behind a collection of strange tapes. Listen along as a young detective with his own strange past tries to work out what happened to her. Cosmic horror.

The Silt Verses: In a modern world where gods are both commercialised and banned, two followers of an outlawed river god go on a pilgrimage. Great worldbuilding and tasty body horror. Same creators as Eskew (further up this list)

Station Blue: Isolation horror following a maintenance man who sets up an antarctic research base ahead of the main crew. Based on the creator's experiences with her own untreated mental illness but also there's some cosmic fuckery and light body horror.

Video Palace: Guy (and his wife when she has time) hosts a personal investigation into a collection of video tapes generally considered an urban legend, after he finds one and begins sleep talking.

The White Vault: A repair group sent to a research base near Svalbard gets trapped inside as an unending snowstorm rages, decides to take a nosy at the tunnels under the base, and find some disturbing things. Fantastic audio and a fun cast of accents and languages.

VAST Horizon: An agronomist travelling to a new world wakes from cryo to find the ship empty, off-course, and damaged. With the guidence of a malfunctioning AI, she tries to work out what happened and how to stop the situation aboard from getting worse.

WOE.BEGONE: A man's curiousity gets the better of him as he begins to play an alternate reality game of a different kind. The challenges are brutal and disturbing, but for the prize on offer, it might just be worth it. Single most endearing asshole lead I've encountered, very funny, very gay, and the music slaps.

Hopefully at least one appeals.

[dathen]

I know the show probably meant Annabelle’s assessment of Martin being manipulative to be taken at face value, but I have Very Strong Feelings about that kind of interpretation so am still clinging to my own.

Annabelle:  You always managed to get what you wanted through shrugs and stammerings that weren’t nearly as awkward as they seemed.

But when did Martin “always get what he wanted”?  Did he get the love of his mother, who never wanted to see his face even as she was dying?  Did he get the respect of Jon (or any of the assistants, for that matter) in season 1 by playing up an awkward, stammering persona?  Did he want Basira to write him off as “just uselessly standing around making tea”?  

It’s kind of like Melanie’s “everyone keeps telling me I need to sympathize with Jon!!” rant--who is telling you that?  Where are the examples?

What Martin did get was simply....not being noticed.  A survival tactic.  A very common survival tactic of chronic abuse victims like Martin.  His s1-4 writing is some of my favorite of any character I’ve ever come across because of how precisely it mirrors someone who’s been raised in an abusive household and knows to avoid notice and keep his head down.  

It’s a survival tactic that helped him with his mother, with Elias, and with Peter, but that worked against him in his interpersonal relationships.  Jon started to notice Martin when Martin asserted himself and stopped taking Jon’s bullshit.  People mainly took Martin seriously during his “go off” moments (for example, Tim following him into the tunnels).  Every example we have of Martin actually getting something he wants with the people he actually likes involves him being blunt and direct.   As the show continues and his character develops, he begins to assert himself more with those he cares about as a natural result of his growth.

But know what else is common for survivors of chronic abuse like Martin?  The fear that your survival tactics make you manipulative, underhanded, and deceitful.  This is an established psychological effect.  You might grow up in a household where you don’t have the freedom to simply ask for something you need without being yelled at for being selfish, entitled, demanding.  You come up with ways to hint at it, make the other person think it’s their idea to offer it.  Then you head out into the world and interact with people who had the freedom to just say what they think, and realize they see you as passive-aggressive and sneaky.  “Why don’t you just say what you think?  Why don’t you just say what you need?”  Because you’ve never had that luxury before, and it’s terrifying to try.

I choose to believe that it’s Martin’s fear of being manipulative towards people he cares about makes him appealing to the Web.  We saw a glimpse of this fear in TMA 170, when confessing that he lied on his CV: “I mean I tried to be a good person, but we’re really up against it.”  He feels like having to lie to survive makes him a bad person.  

I would have loved if Annabelle had just flat-out said it was that fear that made Martin appealing, because the actual dialogue was frankly triggering, but why would she soothe a fear she finds so tasty?  And of course Martin agrees, because it’s his fear in the first place.  And then of course Elias had pulled the hackneyed old “you tricking me makes you the same as me” villain argument.

Unfortunately I feel it’s a bit too late for the show to contradict Annabelle on this, as much as I want it to.  Maybe it was meant as a nod to the Web Martin theory without actually taking that direction, without considering the implications or build-up.  Maybe it just has faith that we’ll read the three of them as unreliable narrators, not knowing how much of a long-running trope this is.  I’m not holding my breath, but they can pry this interpretation from my cold dead hands.

[ajkal2]

the essay: childhood trauma, responsibility, and tma. part 1: jon

in a tma fic i published like six months ago, i left an authors note that promised an essay on jon and tim’s trauma to anyone who asked. several people asked, and so here i am!

the fic is called a deeply annoying child. it’s about being a kid and seeing something horrible, and it’s about jon and tim’s rocky relationship. 

this post isn’t actually about the fic. it’s a breakdown of jon’s mental state through s1-3. im going to make another post about tim, and then a final one linking it all back to the fic. i’ll chuck links to those on here when they’re posted!

but first, let’s talk about my boy, JON ‘JARCHIVIST’ SIMS.  

(fair warning- this isn’t a fully backed up meta post, it’s my interpretation of canon. any thoughts/queries/additions welcome! my askbox is always open <3) 

part o: a note on guilt

hey, you know what’s fucked up? an eight-year-old kid with survivors guilt. 

as a child, jon watched someone he knew die, due to circumstances that, while they were not his fault, were set in motion by his actions. children (and often teens!) think in black-and-white. complex logic often just doesn’t occur to them.  jon, at 8, looks at what happened, and says that’s my fault. i did that. jon didn’t like his bully, and wanted him to go away, and then he did. that instinctive reaction is something i think he never grows out of. when you already hate yourself, it’s easy to pile more fuel onto that flame.  he doesn’t think about risk, not to him, because he deserves whatever happens. he let someone die. he doesn’t ever forgive himself for that.

part i: belief (precanon+s1)

now, i have a headcanon about why jon doesn’t believe statement givers, and imma lay it all out for you right here. 

when jon was 8, and freshly traumatised, i think he tried to tell someone what happened. beneath all the layers, jon is compassionate, and tries to help people. now, picture this. a kid, one with a history of troubled behaviour and an atypical home life, goes up to someone (a police officer, his carer, a teacher) and tells them a giant spider ate someone. what’s that person, someone who is a rational adult, someone who doesn’t believe in silly things, going to say back? are they going to believe that kid? 

no. no way. they’re going to tell that kid that they��re making up stories, that they had a nightmare, that they should stop making jokes about someone who actually disappeared, jon, you need to be more sensitive about these things. 

now, that kind of dissonance- ‘this did happen, it was real’ and ‘everyone i talk to is telling me it’s not real’- is hard on adults. to a kid? devastating. 

jon, because he’s jon, would have been desperately searching for a way to explain this, and i think the thing he grabs on to is evidence. if he had some evidence of what happened, if he could prove what happened, people would believe him.*

but he doesn’t have evidence. and he resents that, and he resents that so much that by the time he’s an adult he’s settled into a mindset towards the supernatural somewhat akin to ‘i didn’t get believed, but you think you should be believed? what’s so good about you? you think you’re better than me?** fuck you! i don’t believe you!’   this is also a way of keeping himself safe. if the monsters aren’t real, they can’t hurt him.

and then, through s1, that mindset is chipped at. the statement givers start being real people, who come into jon’s office and cry when he dismisses them, and that clearly makes him uncomfortable. martin gives his statement, and martin has evidence. jon knows martin, and knows that he’s a good person, so martin having evidence isn’t likely to be an attack at jon. 

jane prentiss attacks the institute, and then suddenly jon’s shield of denial and anger is ripped away, because the monsters are real, and they can hurt him. 

*would they? i don’t know. people can be very attached to believing that the world is good, and kids are misguided, and there are a hundred thousand ways to explain away a piece of evidence, as jon comes to know well. 

** this ties into jon’s self hatred, as people saying they are better than him kicks him right in the Issues. 

part ii: paranoia (s2)

after prentiss attacks, jon is left floundering. his old I Do Not See It mindset has been smashed to pieces, and underneath all the trauma he’s been brutally suppressing is bubbling up. jon has no real experience in judging threats, because for the last 20 years he’s been burying his head in the sand and yelling he can’t see any threats. so he overcompensates, and assumes everything is a threat. his experience re:not being believed tells him that everyone around him is stupid and wrong and the only person he can rely on is himself.  

so he investigates. he’s convinced that his life is in imminent danger, that everyone around him is plotting to kill him. he doesn’t hold back, because you don’t hold back in a life-or-death scenario.  he knows something is wrong. something is very wrong. he’s sure it’s a threat to him, a threat to his life. but he can’t put a finger on what it is.

this is when his friendship with tim breaks down. i’ll talk about tim in a minute. 

jon spirals, and obsesses, and wrings answers out of the ether until it all falls together. he understands what is wrong, that it’s sasha that wants him dead. or, well, not sasha. he’s been winding up tighter and tighter all series, and he lets loose by striking out, acting for once instead of reacting. it is remarkably easy to buy an axe in central london, after all.

and then, well, that doesn’t go well. 

 part iii: desperation (s3)

after what jon did backfired so badly, he goes to georgie, because he has no other option. and he thinks, what went wrong? and the answer he comes up with is i didn’t know enough.* that’s why it all went wrong, because he didn’t know what he was dealing with. and so the solution is to find out more.

he’s starting to realise that he’s changing.** he wants to find out more about that as well, to control it. 

so he goes and finds out more. or, tries to. he doesn’t have many leads.*** jon is not good at judging threat, and doesn’t know the danger he is putting himself in. he’s stubborn, and locked onto getting more knowledge like a dog and a bone.****

and then he does get more knowledge, but it’s the knowledge that the world is ending, and he’s the only one who can fix it.***** he can’t process his trauma. he doesn’t have time. the world is ending. 

in late s3, jon is desperate. he’s overworking himself. he feels alone: daisy’s at his throat, elias is dangling information over his head, tim... 

we’ll talk about tim later. 

basira doesn’t trust him, georgie isn’t happy with him, melanie’s never liked him. he gets kidnapped for a month, and no one notices. the only person jon has firmly in his corner is martin.****** and he doesn’t have time to talk to martin, because he’s getting kidnapped, and jetting across the world chasing shadows, and desperately, desperately trying not to fuck everything up again. 

and he doesn’t! they build a plan. it’s dangerous, sure, but jon doesn’t even know what that means anymore. his whole life is dangerous. jon going into the unknowing is cautiously, waveringly hopeful. maybe this time it won’t go wrong. this time they know what to do, they know what they’re dealing with. 

and, the tragedy is, it doesn’t go wrong. they save the world. they send elias to prison. it all goes to plan. and tim is dead, and daisy is buried, and jon is lost in dreams. 

*👁️ **👁️ ***👁️ ****👁️  ***** he’s not the only one, of course, there are a whole team of people working on stopping the Unknowing, but jon is the Archivist. he’s the heir to gertrude’s legacy. 

****** this is where they fall in love, after all. which is a good thing, of course, but it adds an extra weight to every interaction they have, guessing and double-guessing how the other feels, until jon actually can’t talk to martin, not how he wants to, because he’s not sure if they’re there yet. (martin is there. jon doesn’t have time to be.) 

see yall next time 

i would like to cover s4 and s5, but this post is 1.5k already, and i’ve covered up to when the fic takes place! next time i will be ranting incoherently about timothy stoker, punctuated by bursts on uncontrollable sobbing. when that’s up, i’ll chuck a link here, and on the author notes of the fic i’m doing this for. see you then!

[pocketsizedquasar]

it’s been a bit now so. misc 200/end of mag in general thoughts? under a cut because this is a bit long, and i will preface this to say that i mostly enjoyed the episode but this is going to be mostly my criticisms, bc i feel like the good parts have already been well covered by people other than me. so yeah just a warning this is mostly crit

- it’s Still very hard for me to parse how i feel about this episode, but i think after sitting on it for a bit, i’ve come to the general conclusion that i am very satisfied plot-wise (in terms of tragedy/the structure of tragedies, the open-endedness of our ending, the general Writing TM), but not so much satisfied character-wise (in terms of arc and relationship resolution). I think we deserved more resolution on wtgfs -- i wanted more with them! more with melanie and jon; more with the melanie and georgie and basira’s side of the plan. more than that really small tidbit that we got at the end! and... honestly? a little bit more emphasis on the weight of Jon actually dooming other worlds in the end, and what that means for Jon and for wtgfs/basira. Especially with the context of the consequences re: the Web...won. no caveats or complications, the Web got. Exactly what it wanted.

- on that note,  From a uh. Critique against capitalism standpoint I’m not sure how I feel about the ending? And I don’t really want to. Read too much into what isn’t there? But I mean mag has long been a pretty explicit anticapitalist narrative so...? Yeah, I’m not a big fan of the implications of WTGFs and basira basically just being treated as narratively right in terms of letting the eldritch evil stand-in for capitalism have whatever it wanted and feeding it and doing exactly what it asked them to do. and having Little consequence as a result of that. Obviously they’ll still face loads of hardship, but that comes from the apocalypse, not from, like,.,, doing the direct bidding of the Capitalist Monster/System/etc to be clear, i’m not like...mad they made the “wrong” decision; there was no wrong or right decision here. but I am a little upset that for all they spent 199 discussing the various consequences of each choice, we got to see very little of that actual consequence playing out...none of the survivors seem to really be carrying the guilt or even the full understanding of what they did, because they never saw the suffering they could create as anything more than a hypothetical. i feel like we could have spent just a bit more time with them dealing with that. a bit more time even with jon dealing with that, a bit more time spent on jon changing his mind. other people have said as much better than me but. yeah

- i feel like there was a lot of character stuff brought up in s5 and especially act iii that i would’ve loved to have seen more resolution of. why have that whole thing about Georgie telling jon to give melanie his last words himself, if Jon was going to come back but then never bring that up again (full disclosure this is smthn that @pronouncingitwang​ brought up!)? Why have Jon say he was “going to go  apologize to [his] boyfriend”/Jon tell Martin multiple times that they were going to talk about their fight “later” and then not have that happen on screen? Why did we have two whole episodes of cultist interactions if they were just going to be removed off screen? Why have martin’s “I’ll get jon to destroy me like the others” decision if that doesn’t really come up? what about salesa!! why tell us melanie hating jon is a projection of her self hatred and then not bring that up again? why give annabelle all those juicy interactions with martin and then turn her into a monster when jon shows up, why give her so much character and backstory and then so thoroughly remove her agency? why have all these really cool parallels between jon and annabelle if annabelle is just going to be this monstrous and agency-less plot device with no follow-up? what happened to her!

- on that note...annabelle. They... really took this character who is a Black woman and who had so many parallels to Jon and who they could’ve like. very easily Actually made into a protagonist of color (because we only got one!! and she’s a cop!!!!) (or if not protagonist, at least smthn more sympathetic), (which wouldn’t have negated previous racial problems w tma, but would’ve shown growth from them) and made her a scary monster who just Serves her capitalist entity overlord without personal agency and then bows out when she’s no longer needed...you can have whatever diagetic/watsonian explanations you want for how 197 went, like sure she was just ~being dramatic~ and putting on a show for jon, but all that is still something the writers Decided to do in the real world, and the racial implications of her character arc are just. not great. and her character had So much more narrative potential. idk i will forever be salty about annabelle

- i Still Don’t Like the web being sentient!! i said this after 197 and i’m sayin it again! i think it makes it less frightening and less interesting! with the End being aware of its own, well, end, I actually thought that worked, and i really liked the corpse routes ep, but for some reason I didn’t with the Web? which seems hypocritical of me, I know, but, look: The embodiment of the fear of dying being aware of and welcoming its own dying emphasizes the inevitability and the truth of that fear. Which is why it works for the End. It’s still not recognizably /human/, because it is inexorable and certain, in a way nothing human can be. So its awareness of its own end DOESNT feel like flattening the worldbuilding. And using my own logic, I guess sure you could say the embodiment of the fear of manipulation and schemes being capable of scheming does the same thing but it. It rly doesn’t feel the same to me? Bc that’s rly a fear borne of human sentience & behavior. and so to give it that sentience makes it feel more human, and less interesting within the context of the horror. this is definitely just a personal taste thing as far as how i like horror and eldritch deities and such but yeah.

- i liked the statement a lot like, as a little self contained story? it was really nice to have jon give us one last story before the end. I thought that was sweet and i liked how the statement was written! on the same note though, i could’ve also gone without knowing like. the entire cosmology of how the fears came into being. again, just a personal thing, i don’t like my horror to be known, even at the end of it all when it doesn’t matter what we’re still scared of anymore. I just. I want my fears to be frightening and beyond comprehension and unknowable. it just leads me to have more questions than i really need at the Final episode? i would love to keep the jon giving us one final statement thing, and you know what? i would've loved: statement of the archivist, regarding jonathan sims. no idea what you’d do with that but it sounds cool in my head.

- very minor and very specific-to-me thing but i Don’t Like that basira got to be the Last Words...sorry y’all I just don’t like basira i can’t get behind trying to make me feel sympathetic for a cop who stood by and let people get murdered by the state for years and only felt bad about it bc fearpocalypse i just can’t. i don’t like her never have never will and also melanie and georgie are right there why didn’t they get to have the last words it would have been so much better ... why not have the person who loved jon and Knew very deeply his tendency to self-sacrifice say something or why not the person who is in-canon very similar to Jon and self-admittedly projecting her self hatred onto him say some sort of her own attempt at peace why not either of these two ahhhh

- i uhhhh. really liked jon killing jonah. jon for once getting to be angry for himself. that felt really nice. no ceaseless watcher nonsense either, just him and a knife and beating the shit out of this guy who even now continues to underestimate and belittle him. and i liked jon doing what he did in general -- i actually changed my mind on this; i really didn’t like it at first but i do now. i’m sad that it came at the expense of his promise to martin, but it makes sense and...i don’t want to say jon was right, because i again don’t think any of the decisions were right per se, but in terms of like... not doing what the “elder fear deity who wants to feed on fear and pain for literal eternity” wanted... yeah. i get it. he would never have been able to go along with that willingly. and he really shouldn’t have been, considering all that he went through being a puppet for said elder fear deity. and from a tragedy standpoint too, i actually think it’s a really really well written end for him. considering how my favorite tragedies are structured and how the way out has to be presented to us, but the tragic hero Ultimately will always fall back on their faults, yeah, this makes a lot of sense. hamlet is granted a way out and he doesn’t take it; he always always hesitates. captain ahab is granted the chance to turn and leave his chase and love instead, and he doesn’t take it. orpheus turns around. etc etc. I think it was also really lovely that jon got a twist on that, that in the end he did change, for just a moment, and chose love instead. even in the face of all the horror that that might mean. i really like that he and martin are together, wherever or however they are. that martin is allowed to feel (rightly) furious and betrayed and still so, so unconditionally in love. 

idk i have more thoughts probably but again they’re very hard to parse and mostly just getting into the super specific realm which i don’t think is particularly helpful

i have a lot of feelings for jon and martin and their ending i think it was the best possible ending we could’ve gotten for those two and i Am really. I just have a lot of feelings.

[cuntess-carmilla]

if you weren’t gender essentialist you wouldn’t have “no men” in your bio. And you’re acting like it isn’t tma lesbians who are spearheading these conversations because terfs apply the same shit you’ve said about men to us and your posts about lesbianism get terf engagement bc the verbiage you use is similar to theirs.

It says "unless I followed 1st" aka they can follow, but under a specific set of circumstances, and they can otherwise interact freely. It also says "no whites", do I have to defend myself over that too now? I'm sorry you can't read properly past the first few words of a line, but that's not my fault. Hell, I'd add "no ableds" as well if it wasn't because a lot of disabled people don't even know that they're disabled because FUCK am I done with the ableds.

Not that I owe you an explanation but both boundaries are there because men and white people of all genders in this website have either treated me violently REPEATEDLY SINCE 2011, or allowed their followers to treat me that way. Men have also sexually harassed me here and I'm already a survivor since I was a child, I don't need more of that.

TERFs will twist and apply literally anything to their ideology, even when it's blatantly hostile to them. Have you not seen them try to claim theoretical and literary work that LITERALLY goes out of its way to be trans inclusive at times very explicitly? TERFs are dumb as shit and think their ideology is as natural as "male violence" so everyone not a transfem Must deep down inside agree with them even if they're saying the opposite!

They also reblog posts about femicide no matter how it's handled OR IF IT MENTIONS TRANSFEMICIDES ALONGSIDE THE FEMICIDES OF CIS WOMEN (been done to my posts!), and posts about abortion that treat the subject gender neutrally. They've reblogged my posts on fucking chronic illness as well, much more than a few times, not from me directly as if they were MY followers, but because it showed up on their dashes after many reblogs.

They've reblogged my posts on goth stuff, disability posts that have nothing to do with gender, global south politics that have nothing to do with feminism... Are those posts TERFy too now?

How about my posts where I talk about the inherent fatalism and uselessness of feminism that sees men as inevitably violent, awful or abusive, how that is suicidal feminism and an easy way out for men to yet again escape accountability when they actively choose to side with the patriarchy? Do those not count now because you're bent on projecting your perception of me onto me at all costs and have that held as fact by everyone?

Do I have to show you my selfies with my cis guy friends to convince you I don't think even cis men are inherently the Devil? Do I have to bring up my relationships both platonic and not to the transfems in my life? I really don't want to do that last one because that'd feel cheap as hell, exploitative of those treasured relationships and gross, but God...

I make 99.9% of my posts on lesbianism explicitly trans inclusive of both non-binary sapphics of all sorts and sapphic trans women. Those are posts that usually don't even remotely mention men other than "lesbians don't like men, bi women do but they're still not straight", and TERFs still engage as if I hadn't said any of those things. TERFs will engage with any-fucking-thing like that Gardfield meme going "Huh, wonder who that's for" at a poster of his own face crossed out.

You seem to be under the impression that TERFs like me waaaaay more than they actually do. They don't! Obviously I'm not and will never be targetted by them the way transfems are, but they're not part of my hypothetical fanclub either.

Sometimes they reblog my posts specifically to tell me to fuck off for being a "sellout" or accusing me of being a trans woman myself or of not being a Real Lesbian™ for my past long-term relationship. You probably don't see it in the notes because rather than make a spectacle of my attempts to commit to trans women's liberation, to show how Good™ I am of an ally, I block them on sight and ignore them with veeeeeeery rare exceptions because I don't want my transfem followers exposed to their bullshit. I go out of my way to block them en masse, for hours at a time, whenever one reblogs me too, and I often try to find the last decent person that lead them to me and warn them that a TERF is following them. I block them on sight even when they're TERFs who happen to be chronically ill and who reblog my chronic illness posts, which could be of major positive material impact to their disabled lives, but genuinely fuck them anyway. They can fuck off.

I don't know what else you want from me other than to remove a boundary I set for my safety and peace of mind, one that's not anywhere near as absolute as you (poorly) interpret it to be. If that is what you want, sorry, I'm not gonna do that. I've been harassed and stalked by men too much here for that. It's enough that it happens offline all the time, I'd like to avoid it where I can exert some actual control for once.

That said; I blocked you and I told you I did in the last message you sent me. You still went out of your way to bypass that boundary through a VPN or some other tool of the sort. You've been sending me messages for weeks that were (if I remember correctly) all vague and much more meant to upset me than to actually try to hold me accountable for anything (which is why I didn't engage until now) and I blocked you then too. Please get a fucking life. This isn't good or healthy for you.

While you work on getting yourself a nice hobby, anon will be off indefinitely. Good luck going forward. Sorry to all the nice anons and the anons who came to me for chronic illness related reasons that I used to get.

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

You know how there’s The Mechanisms are in TMA aus well The Mechanisms the equivalent Silent Hill UFO ending they just abduct everyone at the end

I am so sorry but my brain did a whole thing after reading this

The final scene of tma Martin and Jon stand at the top of the panopticon facing off with Jonah

"What? did you really think the watcher would choose you two over me? I have given it everything it desires. And now you two? You shall never leave this place."

Then faintly rising of the screams they hear... Music?

not the sort of music from the stranger, no, this has words and they can almost make the words out as the music draws nearer, "you know the void is screaming mad, no happy ending out there lad!" And then the cannons begin to fire at the panopticon, blowing a massive hole in the side reveal a beautiful ship

The mechs run in excited for a battle but all they find is an old man and two guys who look like they haven't bathed in months they were hoping to join in on some big violence and then take the most ferocious of the survivors on board but these would have to do

Ashes glances at jon and Martin and back to Jonah, "so.... which of you is more of an asshole?"

Jonah quickly points at jon and Martin while they stand frozen in shock

Jonny shrugs and shoots Jonah square in the head and turns to the two of them, "Welcome to the crew, do either of you play bagpipes?"

[siarven]

Hey, you mentioned that you like all those queer hopepunk horror podcasts in some tags and I wanna know: which podcasts are you talking about? Ever since tma ended, I've been looking for a podcast that could fill its place

Hello!! :DDD

So (in true fashion of a Good Memory™) I suddenly forgot Everything, so I enlisted a friend's help! ( @followthatgoose, who has also listened to all of these, some multiple times. I'm still kind of working on them because I hit sudden No More Podcasts™ a while back sadly, and am currently back to audiobooks for the most part. But I'd trust Soren's podcasting taste with my life, sooo :D) So the proper premise-descriptions are mostly provided by them <3

- Hello from the Hallowoods (kind of like how I'd originally hoped Welcome to Night Vale would be! It's a radio broadcast-esque story about queer survivors at the end of the world, really nice mix of following the characters as they live and also their fight against the horrors of the hallowoods. It also has some of the Best Quotes and the narrator has a fantastic voice <3 fantastic vibes overall)

- The Sheridan Tapes (found footage horror (with very nice music and soundscaping), following a detective as he tries to piece together what happened to a missing horror writer. monster of the week type recordings mixed with what is happening 'real time' to characters. a lot of Very Good emotional moments. also very queer)

- The Mistholme Museum (monster of the week format combined with 'real time' moments too, an audio tour guide takes you on a tour of the mistholme museum's exhibits. there are canonically queer characters, though so far it is not as Queer™ as the others. set in australia)

- Kane and Feels (in the words of Soren, "can best be described as a Vibe that is really good to zone out to and just exist in (liminal space my beloved). it's done in a noir style (which is IMPECCABLE) and the main characters are an academic who studies the supernatural, and his ex cop friend who punches the supernatural when it is causing problems. other than having canonically stated queer characters there is also Very Nice queer subtext around the main characters (particularly kane). also the academic is named lucifer kane, i feel like that speaks for itself xD")

- The White Vault (this one isn't as queer sadly, (though it does have Two Gays later on) but it has the most fantastic creepy-horror vibes that kinda feel similar to tma's horror vibes, and it's fairly short and really cool! It's about a multi-national group (the cast being from those nationalities as well, it feels amazingly real in that sense <3) sent to an arctic outpost to repair a broken radio, and then a blizzard keeps them from returning and everything escalates in the most deliciously terrible way. I've binged it two or three times so far >:D It's currently on hiatus but we'll get a fifth (final?) season staring in October!)

- I can always and forever recommend Rusty Quill Gaming as a honorary mention, just because it's partially the same people and it's fantastic and even though it doesn't start out as horror, alex has been knew (that man just can't help himself from putting horror everywhere, it's GREAT). It's a very good time and has made me cry and there's a lot of content to listen to with familiar voices, and I love it a lot even though I'm usually not a ttrpg listener <3

Apart from these I've also heard that Old Gods of Appalachia is good (though I personally didn't like the vibes), I've listened to a big chunk of I Am In Eskew which had some extremely nice episodes and some I didn't vibe with quite as much (it also lacked the queer, if I remember right), and by the same people (and apparently very queer?) The Silt Verses, though I haven't listened to that yet. I think that one has a lot of body horror, from what I've seen, and an aro character, which makes me go very :hypereyes:, but yeah :)

I hope these help!

If anyone wants to add recs, please do!!

Also Soren / @followthatgoose wants to find other people to scream with about the sheridan tapes so if anyone following me has listened to that pls message them xD <3

[scriptlgbt]

TW: Transmisogyny, and mentions of sexual assault

Ask

Hi, I'd like to mention my ask is on sexual assault.

The victim (f) and abuser (m) are both cis and straight and the victim now shys away from men. But how would she see people who are not cis? Could she see a trans woman as an abuser if she knew she had a penis aka has the body part that the abuser used? How about a trans man? Or another gender identity? Especially if gender identity is not easily seen or when people don't pass as their wanted* gender. Say, the victim says she needs a woman's comfort and approaches a nonbinary character who uses male* pronouns, I don't know how to deal with that. I don't want to make it sound cissexist or transphobic but still be able to validate abuse triggers and circle of comfort. Otherwise my only solution is to put all non cis people or even cis people who are nonconforming and don't present as cis out of scences with the victim, but isn't that cissexist?

Answer

I first need to link our Writing Trans Characters: Corrections of Common Mistakes post, as you've made a couple of missteps when it comes to wording. I have put red asterisks beside the issues, if it helps any. But just in case, the first one should either just say "their gender" or "their actual gender" rather than "their wanted gender" and the second asterisk is covered in the linked post.

First, I think you are asking about how one hypothetical individual would respond when this isn't necessarily the purview of this blog. Everyone responds differently to sexual assault. Not all responses are healthy coping mechanisms. And some people get PTSD and some don't. (And contrary to popular belief: the presence of PTSD is not always 1:1 with the severity of the event. But I digress.)

I can try to advise on writing this in a respectful way. I don't think people who aren't trans women specifically are qualified to write a version of this story that involves genitalia as being the factor for safety. It is specifically trans women who are constantly seen as predatory and whose genitals are seen as disqualifying them from experiencing oppression. Despite trans women facing some of the highest rates of sexual violence out of any other demographic. It would be most responsible for you as a writer to write this character's aversion to be around people who directly remind her of her assailant. Personally, I do double takes around people with the hair cut and colour of my rapist. For different reasons, I also can't deal with people when they are expressing anger, especially if it involves some kind of angry interaction with their environment, like kicking a wall or slamming down a keyboard or mouse. My reaction is to become small or initiate a fawn response, especially if I can't flee. I'm probably projecting with this one but for other survivors that I've talked to, a lot of our trauma is more about the circumstances than people who fit a whole category that our rapist belongs to. Things like a certain style of bench, certain events, florescent lighting. Being alone with just one other person you don't know very well in a situation can also make things harder. I think it makes sense to be skittish around men after experiencing violence from them. BUT It does not makes sense to group an exceptionally marginalized group of women in with them, in a fictional story you are writing. There's just too much baggage to address there, too many things tied up in that which are harmful (explicitly transmisogynist) when put in public.

It also goes into committing sexual harassment to actually ask and assume the genitalia of people you interact with. That's not information everyone has the right to, regardless of what they've been through.

Trans women are targeted by narratives that claim their bodies are somehow dangerous. Often it revolves around their genitalia, regardless of what their genitalia actually is, regardless of who they are, regardless of their experiences as survivors (when applicable, which is at least 47% of the time). That's a very specific, very transmisogynist belief. It is specifically used to justify taking their lives.

I am not trying to deny that trauma can be illogical. But it is unhealthy, maladaptive, and oppressive, to use trauma in order to marginalize people. Writing this into something fictional is dangerously irresponsible and will most likely be used as transmisogynist propaganda. Even if you mean well. It is an attitude which people use to rationalize policies which criminalize trans women and put them in extremely dangerous situations just for existing. This sort of thing has been used to rationalize hate crimes and, in cases where transmisogynoir has come into play, lynchings.

For these reasons among others, I would find a different way to write your character's triggers. Or else get a trans woman survivor to co-write these scenes. I do not trust that anyone outside of that group could write this in a way that is remotely respectful.

- mod nat

*Note: I am TME, but a TMA person was involved in sensitivity-reading this answer.

[zukosgay]

I see you posting about horror and I would love some recs if you have some to share 🙏

i just accidentally deleted a whole list fjahsjdasd i hate my life. anyways, i’m just gonna go ahead and assume you know the classics that get recommended all the time (the babadook, the ring, the exorcist, the vvitch, the conjuring, hereditary, the thing, insidious, etc.). here’s some underrated/indie horror movies i rarely see talked about (favs are in italics):

The not-actually-that-scary-but-still-good horror movies:

Let The Right One In (2008) – I mean, it’s literally my favorite movie/book and I have a tattoo of it, we been knew

Possum (2018) – I cannot even begin to tell you how much I adore this movie. Horror movies about CSA that explore it without once showing the actual rape, but still being terrifying/disturbing nonetheless?? Just an irish guy chilling with the puppet personification of his csa trauma????? Hells yeah (huge TW for spiders tho, i mean. I’m not scared of spiders but that fucking puppet is stil terrifying no matter how much I look at it)

Hard Candy has a soft spot in my heart. That’s my emotional support „ellen page tortures pedophiles“ movie

Thirst (2009)

Ravenous (1999) THE INHERENT ROMANTICISM OF BEING GAY AND CANNIBALS ON A MOUNTAIN. Brokeback mountain for cannibals

We Are What We Are (2010)

Marrowbone (2017)

The transfiguration (2016) – there’s so little vampire stories with black people, and i really loved how this wasn’t outright fantasy horror but had more of a ‚vampirism as an actual mental illness‘ approach

Nightbreed (1990) this movie IS lgbt cinema history

Gerald’s Game (2017) – we get it elena you love horror movies about the trauma of CSA

The autopsy of jane doe (2017) - i feel like this movie is perfect for horror fans who are tentative about seeing any big grotesque/gorey jumpscares 

As Above, So Below (2014) (the first and so far only movie that got permission to film in the paris catacombs) (also good for starters)

The Actually-Scary (at least to me) movies:

Lake Mungo (2008) ((think of TMA’s The End)) (i deadass think about this movie so often, the story is so devastating and really stays in my head. also the bg ghosts)

The [REC] franchise!!! any of those movies fuck me up and are TERRIFYING (again ff) 

I watched 30 Days of Night (2007) when it came out, when i was way too young, and it still to this day holds the spot for coolest vampire design (they modelled them after the jaws of white sharks!!! They’re supposed to be slavic strigoi) and also one of the only one times where i was actually scared by vampires

Livid (2011) (french horror movie!) (v gorey)

The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014) (found footage of a demonic mom – you’ll see a lot of FF on this list cuz i think it’s criminally underrated and terrifying if done well)

NOROI: The Curse (2005) ((ff))

Open water (2003) (this is scary to me because it’s based on a true story about a couple who went cave diving in the ocean with a guide who got LEFT BEHIND in the middle of the motherfucking ocean – with literally nothing to hold onto and no one even reporting them missing. Also, after i watched this i did a lil research and turns out there’s quite a lot of people ‚going missing‘ while taking swimming lessons where the guides will just drive to shore without them YEARLY. Fucked up if true) ((this has tma the vast vibes))

Clown (2014) (I recommend this to people who aren’t scared to like Eli Roth movies and think It Chap. 1 was boring)

Martyrs (2008) – a classic, this movie is bound to disturb you. It’s about child abuse and the survivors of child abuse enacting revenge, though it’s not the typical csa/anything similiar. HUGE tw for uhhhh, torture, self harm, mutilation etc..

Mama (2008) – the goth tattooed rocker chic jessica chastain movie

The bay (2012) (ff)

The last exorcism (2010) (ff)

The wailing (2016)

If you put on any V/H/S movie for me I’m guaranteed to shit my pants, so there’s that

May (2002) – i turned lesbophobic after watching this movie. About a lesbian obsessed with dolls i’ll say nothing more

The not-as-scary-but-still-scary-so-i-dont-wanna-put-them-in-the-first-list-in-case-i-traumatize-anyone movies:

Creep 1 & 2

The Strangers

The void (2016) ((tma the spiral))

The Hallow (2015)

The loved ones (2009) – a classic

Excision (2012) (if you liked raw)

Devil’s pass (2013)

Afflicted (2013) ((ff))

The cell (2000)

Session 9 (2001)

They Look Like People (2015)

The children (2008) – fuck them KIDS

The blackcoat’s daughter (2015)

I really liked Armie Hammer’s netflix original Wounds (2019)? IDK why. I found the story (albeit better suited as a short story) fascinating

Night Eats The World (2018) – another french movie! This time it’s about the inherent isolation and loneliness in locking yourself in a parisian apartment all alone with a bunch of zombies eating the rest of the world

Pontypool (2008)

The lure (2015) – yes, we’re polish, yes, we’re mermaids, yes, we eat men, yes, we also perform in a pop girl group WE EXIST!

I am not a serial killer (2016)

Green room (2015)

That’s it, pretty much. 

[trashcreatyre]

I'm gonna explain one of my TMA playlists bc I've been wanting to do that for several months, and how else am I supposed to procrastinate my animatic project at one in the morning?

(here's the link to the playlist bc I think its pretty slappin')

General:

Body Terror Song By AJJ-

I know that it could technically be a flesh song, but I feel like its a bit more vague than that? if that makes sense?

The Afternoon By Lemon Demon-

there's gonna be a lot of Lemon Demon songs in this lol- This one is also pretty vague, but for some reason it kinda reminds me of Michael specifically? I don't 100% know how to describe it.

thrifted youth By dalynn-

Most of the descriptions/reasonings in the general section are pretty simplistic and vague huh? I guess it just kinda fits the vibe? I might be saying that for a lot of the general ones-

Aurora Borealis By Lemon Demon-

this one reminds me of the season five, kinda feels like a jmart song. (also you'll probably notice that there's not much in the ship theme in this playlist. I like to keep my ship playlists separate from my more general ones, don't know why.)

Under My Skin By Jukebox The Ghost-

just kinda fits the vibe y'know? other than that I don't really know.

Turn the Lights Off By Tally Hall-

i can't actually remember why I put this one specifically- that's a bit unfortunate-

When He Died By Lemon Demon-

This one mostly just fits the vibe, makes me think about the really old Victorian era statements.

Ancient Aliens By Lemon Demon-

again, fits the vibe.

She Doesn't Sleep By Anthony Amorim-

Feels like a random statement tbh. also reminds me of Not!Sasha too.

Nightmare Fuel By Lemon Demon-

funky song- fits the vibe- I don't know what more I can say-

Everybody Loves Me by OneRepublic-

I don't remember actually???? I think It was an Elias one??? but thinking about it now that doesn't really make much sense???? I'm gonna keep it tho, fits the vibe, at least it does to me.

Bloody Nose By Jack Conte-

fits the vibe :)

Christmas Kids By Roar-

I think I saw an animatic to this one time? now I can only think of the season one archival staff,,,, my beloveds,,,,

La nuit en matin By OH MU-

imma be honest, I have no idea what this one's actually about, but It lowkey reminds me of the intro music during end of season three- y'know, the clown vibes :D

9 to 5 By Dolly Parton-

Archival staff moment

American Healthcare By Penelope Scott-

I guess it could technically be seen as an End themed one? but I put it on bc I felt like it fit the vibes (are you getting sick of reading vibes? i'm getting sick of typing it)

Butch 4 Butch By Rio Romeo-

mostly just the rat filled piano line,,,,,, and also it fits the vibes to me.

Oblivion By Grimes-

Kinda feels like a statement?? In a way?

Murders By Miracle Musical-

the vibes. hopefully thats the last time i type that for this-

oh yeah woo yeah, we're onto the specific Entities now B) lets start with the one that probably has the most, if not, it sure feels like it-

The Spiral:

Spiral Eyes By Rewenge-

yeahhhh,,,, I know it doesn't really fit the vibes all that well, But the title fits and I like it so-

The Distortionist By Ghost and Pals-

this one is SUPER obvious, but it fits REALLY well in my mind.

Out of Her Head (Outerlude) [From The Film Possibly in Michigan] By Korban Baxter-

I can literally picture this one- I lowkey wanna do an animatic of this one one day.

A Crow's Trial By Vane Lily-

OKAY- so this last one is because it's the song from an absolutely GORGEOUS animation/animatic by Akidachi on YouTube, I ADORE this animation. please watch it omg-

again, I'm like, 90% sure that The Spiral has the most songs on this playlist, definitely not a bias or anything. next up is the mf uhhhh-

The Corruption:

Spiral of Ants By Lemon Demon-

no explanation needed.

Maggot By Slutever-

Mostly just the name, but it's a good song too so-

Sick On Seventh Street By Sarah and the Safe Word-

fits the vibe title and actual song wise.

in retrospect under my skin probably could be here-

The Web:

Redesign Your Logo (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

Feels like a very web song,,,

Boris The Spider By The Who-

Spider,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Spider Dance By Toby Fox-

Yes,,, like from undertale,,,,,,,

i think thats it for the web (i swore there were more,,,,)

The Lonely:

Nobody By Mitski-

C'mon, you didn't think I WOULDN'T put this one on, did you?

This December By Ricky Montgomery-

idk what it is exactly about this one, just,,,, feels correct?

Blue Jay Way By The Beatles-

MANNNNNNN- i love this song, my mom hates it- that's unrelated- but I always just feel like there's fog or like, an eerie sea, or something- while listening to it. it feels very lonely-

I'm a Member of the Midnight Crew (1909) By Eddie Morton-

I have no idea why spotify suggested this song to me, but I will never not find it funny. Anyway- reminds me of the crew on Peter's ship :)

The Stranger:

Rattlesnake By Kabaret Sybarit-

Idk, feels like smth Nikola would sing at jon- idk how else to explain it-

A Mask of My Own Face By Lemon Demon-

pretty self explanatory lolll

The Slaughter:

War Pigs By Black Sabbath-

war.

The Hunt:

The Hunter By Slaves-

maybe this one is because it's because it's litterally called the hunter, and that they say hunter a bunch, but it is fun to listen to-

Teeth By 8 Graves-

I cannot remember my reasoning at this current moment-

The Flesh:

Body By Mother Mother-

the lyrics do be fittin doe

The Dark:

Everything Goes Dark By The Hoosiers-

i mean- everything goes dark- what more do you want me to say-

Dr.Sunshine Is Dead By Will Wood and the Tapeworms-

i think its mostly the song's vibe and the title.

The End:

The Trick to life By The Hoosiers-

the trick to life is not to get too attached to it.

Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world By Will Wood-

remember death.

YOOO OKAY NOW WE'RE ON THE ONES THAT I HAVE ACTUAL THINGS TO SAY ABOUT NOW- at least for the most part-

Characters:

i think i'm gonna go from least to most for this- (spoilers, Jon has the most ones because I care him)

Cryptid Hunt- Demo By Averno, Sushi Soucy-

this one makes me think of the WTGFs,,,,,

You're at the Party (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

makes me think about Micheal Shelley,,,,,,,

Saint Bernard By Lincoln-

Alice "daisy" Toner moment-

Mary By The Happy Fits-

mary keay,,,,,,

there used to be a gerry one too, but the more I heard it in the context of the playlist and him, It just didn't fit,,,,,

Ew it's Elias/jonah time-

The Fine Print By The Stupendium-

capitalism- jk- kinda- Idk, just feels like it fits because he really just kinda,,, doesn't care about his employees-

How Bad Can I Be? from the lorax-

I had to-

Boss 3 from the terraria soundtrack-

Listen- I don't know why- but- it has elias/jonah vibes- the vibes are fowl, but the song is good.

Ruler of Everything By Tally Hill-

Panopticon/eyepocolypes time-

Ayooo it's jon time- I really hope I can write out my thoughts in a way that makes any kind of sense- /foreshadowing

A Sadness Runs Through Him By The Hoosiers-

Goddddd,,,,, he's just kinda filled with sadness and survivors guilt, just like, all the time huh?

Home By Cavetown-

the lyrics are just- very him- like- I just gjbdjgsflkjns-

Broken Crown By Mumford & Sons-

frick- the foreshadowing was accurate- the best I can describe it is that the lyrics just???? y'know??? hhh why am I like this sometimes-

Sweet HIbiscus Tea By Penelope Scott-

i'm willing to bet that he never wanted to be the main character-

Honey I'm Home By Ghost and Pals-

I saw a Jon centric animatic to this one time- I can't for the life of me remember who by, But everytime I hear the moth lines, my brain goes ":0" Because I remember there was a time when people kept drawing moth jon- I don't know where that came from but I thought it was very cool.

Who Are You, Really? By Mikky Ekko-

I'm like- actually starting to get frustrated with how poorly im articulating my thoughts right now- this just isn't funny anymore-

Sleep By My Chemical Romance-

I'm not actually sure why for this one- I just remeber putting on my black parade CD, hearing this, and being like, "damn, that do kinda be jon tho-"

I hope you enjoyed my ramblings- tbh, all this sounded and read out better in my head. My words might not make sense, but I do like how the playlist is. also im very tired, maybe this would've been written better if I wasn't struggling to keep my eyes open lol. I'm gonna fall asleep now- or maybe i'll post a spiral themed doodle dump again, who knows. I don't know.

[dathen]

INTRODUCING: THE MISSING TAPES BINGO CHALLENGE!

What are the missing tapes?  

So much happened after Season 3 and during Season 4 that we didn’t get to see.  With us being limited to Jon’s point of view/whatever force is behind the tapes, many events and character interactions take place offscreen.  The Missing Tapes is a fan content challenge to visit these moments and explore character feelings from new angles.

How do I participate?

This isn’t an event week or tied down to any specific time.  Go for a bingo, or just try a prompt or two!  If you write anything for this challenge, use the #missingtapesbingo tag so others can find it easily.

Many thanks to @somuchbetterthanthat​, @evanescentjasmine​, and @holdthosebees​ for helping me brainstorm prompts, and @zykaben​ for the lovely graphic!

After the cut is a text list of the prompts, from top left to lower right.  I also included a brief summary for context, and episode references for when these are mentioned or implied.  

1.  Others’ PoV of Martin losing his mother - (TMA 127)  Basira tells Jon that watching how hard this hit Martin kept her from pushing him too hard about his plans.  “He tried to stay strong, keep it together, but...that sort of thing...”

2.  Basira finding that she’s the sole survivor of the Unknowing - (TMA 122)  “The others-- Tim--  Is he…?   ...Oh.”  “Daisy, too.”  “I’m sorry.”  “Yeah.”  

3.  Melanie and Georgie rekindling their friendship post-surgery - (TMA 131, 145)  Melanie fell out of contact with Georgie during Jon’s coma, but gets in touch again after escaping the Slaughter.  “Who else is there? I mean, Basira is… heh. She’s been the only one for a long time.”  

4.  Basira and Martin’s phone calls during the Scottish Honeymoon - (TMA 160)  Martin and Basira have regular phone calls while he and Jon are in hiding.  “How was she?”  “Oh, same as last week.”

5.  Basira, Daisy, and Jon going for drinks - (TMA 136, 140)  “You look awful. You try drinking with Daisy again?”

6.  Reactions to the s3 deaths/disappearances - (TMA 122)  Tim’s death, Daisy’s body not being found, and Jon as good as dead.  Not limited to the Archives team (the rest of the Institute? Jon’s extended family? Oliver’s dreams? go wild).

7.  Basira and/or Martin reacting to Peter Lukas vanishing researchers - (TMA 123)  “Rumor is a couple of researchers up on the third floor decided to ignore some of his new directives, and… whoosh.”

8.  Anti-Lonely sleepovers - (TMA 150)  “We’re all well aware that with Peter Lukas in charge of the Institute, [the Lonely] is a very real danger to all of us. We are trying. Daisy, Basira and I, we don’t leave the Institute much anymore, so we do spend a lot of time together.” 

9.  Melanie and Georgie getting together - (sometime between TMA 145 and 157)  “I didn’t-- I didn’t realize you were to-together.”

10.  Basira during the S4 finale - (TMA 158-160)  Left alone after Daisy draws off the Hunters, waiting for Jon to return with Martin, her PoV of the aftermath, etc.

11.  Georgie learns about Jon/starts visiting him in the hospital - (TMA 121)  Georgie regularly visits Jon during his coma and talks to him.  “Sorry about that, Jon, but you really don’t need friends like that.”  

12.  Melanie and Basira trauma bonding during Jon’s coma - (TMA 123)  “She saved my life, John. She saved all of us. I won’t forget that.”

13.  FREE SPACE

14.  Melanie picks up a hobby as part of therapy - (after TMA 136)  (Implied) Melanie is trying a different approach to life as part of her therapy sessions.  “Since when?”  “Always.  I’m...trying to be more open about this stuff.”

15.  Basira or Melanie helping Daisy with physical therapy - (TMA 133)  “Hey, there you are. You’re meant to be doing your exercises.”  “You were out.”

16.  Basira, Melanie, and Martin going out for drinks - (TMA 98, 106)  Started in season 3, but could have also happened between the seasons. “Listen, you really look like you could use a drink. Um, me and Basira were just about to pop out. So...do you want to join us?” 

17.  Daisy and Basira conversations post-coffin - (TMA 132+)  “Basira she’s...she’s been good.  We’re together, so it’s good...if she didn’t keep treating me like a china doll.  But it’s alright.”

18.  Daisy learns Melanie’s name; possible fledgling friendship - Daisy didn’t bother learning Melanie’s name pre-Unknowing (TMA 112), but can’t stand being alone post-coffin.  "He’s gone with Martin and… the other one.”  “Melanie.”  “Sure.”

19.  Melanie moving in with Georgie - (TMA 157)  Takes place sometime between Melanie going to therapy and Melanie recovering from blinding herself.

20.  Archive member ambushed by a jealous avatar post-Unknowing - (TMA 123)  Stopping the Unknowing drew a lot of hostile attention to the Archives from the followers of other entities.  “We made a big noise with the Unknowing and… other stuff and now they’ve taken notice. We’re safe in here, usually. But we don’t go out much anymore.”

21.  Jared Hopworth’s attack on the archive - (TMA 123, 131)  “When we came up through the floor, it was wonderful. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on their faces.”

22.  Melanie and Basira’s dynamic post-surgery - (TMA 131)  Melanie goes through the same struggle with hating Basira because of the surgery as she does Jon.  “I sort of, maybe, hate her now.  I don’t know.  I can’t look at her without my leg hurting.  But what else am I going to do?  ... She deals in ‘intel’ these days, in usable data, assets. Not feelings. Not people."

23.  The team discovering Martin’s stash of tapes - (TMA 151)  “Jon found the tapes you made for him.”  “Shh, shh!”  “Found a stash of them awhile ago. I made sure he shared with the club.”

24.  The Archives team hating on Elias/Peter Lukas together - (Implied)  Nothing causes bonding better than a common enemy, right?

25.  Post-Flesh attack fallout, hurt/comfort - (TMA 123, 131)  “You were attacked. When?”  "About two months ago.  It was the Flesh."  “Oh, god.”  “Yeah, it was bad. We took them all out.”