#I am anticipating drama ✨

[onigiriico]

Shidou audio drama (t2) - English TL

[ links: Spotify / Youtube ]

Thank you Shidou for going on a deep dive into both medicine and law in one drama. I have not learned this much new vocabulary in a while lmao (Jokes aside though, I do hope that I managed to get through this without any major errors! As always, if you find any mistakes anyway or just have questions, feel free to bring them to my ask box or my Twitter ✨)

Also, there's a direct quote from the Japanese criminal law at one point in this vd - the translation of that line is based on this translation of Japanese law.

⬇️ full voice drama translation under the cut ⬇️

(door opens)

E: It’s been a while, Shidou.

S: Orbital floor fracture on the right. Traumatic retinal detachment. Bruising. Lacerations. Partial fracture of the thorax. This is Kajiyama-kun’s present condition.

E: I know that. I didn’t anticipate Kotoko’s behavior, either. For now, I’ll be taking the opportunity of this second trial to judge–

E: Fuuta’s…

S: Shiina-kun’s is even worse. Head lacerations. Bruising all over her body. Left anterior compression fracture. A sprained neck. Fractured ribs. Further fracturing to the left arm. And furthermore… this may be outside of my profession, but her mental health is deteriorating as well.

E: Mahiru…

S: Both their minds and bodies are at their limits. Let’s stop this already, Es-kun. A lot has happened while you were gone. At this rate, someone might end up dead.

S: That’s not what I mean! I think we should put an end to Milgram as a whole. Both for our sake and for yours.

E: …That’s impossible.

S: Why?

E: I can’t think of any method of stopping it… or any way to get out.

S: …!

E: Milgram won’t end just because I want it to. That’s all I know. It won’t end until your judgment is complete. That’s the core of it.

S: You’re… the same as us, aren’t you? You just got caught up in a bigger picture.

E: Don’t lump me in with you! You’re an inmate, I’m the Warden. Now that I’ve started this, I intend to see it through until the end.

S: Es-kun…

E: Anyways, your eyes sure have gained some life since we last saw each other. Back then, you always wore an expression that made it hard to tell whether you were alive or dead, but…

S: Is that so?

E: Is it because you’ve received the result of the first trial…?

S: About that… I’ve been thinking that I would like to hear your thoughts. Why did you forgive me? Even though I asked not to be forgiven.

E: Why would the Warden listen to what a prisoner tells them? I decide based on my own standards.

S: You saw my true self, didn’t you? There ought to be very few people who have killed more than I have. In comparison to me, the prisoners who weren’t forgiven have also hardly done anything wrong.

E: You’re a doctor. I’ve deduced that your murders happened in the context of medical procedures.

S: …

E: Organ transplants… in other words, the act of removing organs from braindead patients. That’s what your murder is. Am I wrong?

S: I see. So that’s what was shown in the footage?

E: Not that straight-forward, of course. But from the information given, we came to the conclusion that this is the most likely scenario.

S: Hm? ‘We’...?

E: …

S: You said ‘we’ just now...

E: …Did I… say that…?

S: Yes.

E: …Fine. Don’t worry about it. Let’s get back to the topic. The topic of what I deduced, that is.

S: It’s impressive, isn’t it… Milgram… After all this time, I won’t try to deny it being a top class prison, but it really is the real thing.

E: Is that your way of saying I was right?

S: Well… About halfway, I would say.

E: Hmph. Either way, I judged that murders as the result of medical practices could be forgiven. Without regard to what you were hoping for.

S: …

E: I intend to investigate in my own way. Whether or not it’s okay to regard braindead patients entirely as dead… it seems that this has become an increasingly controversial topic in recent years.

S: You’ve done your research.

E: I don’t care about the discussions of your world, though. I decided that you could be forgiven. That’s enough.

S: … Why is that?

E: In the first place, getting involved with organ transplants is part of your job as a doctor. I doubt it’s something that you did out of your own free will.

S: I… I took a lot of pride in my work. I considered it a good deed. I wouldn’t say I didn’t do it out of my own will.

E: Well, you did it to save people, didn’t you? In truth, there must have been a fair amount of people whom you did save with it.

S: I thought so, too. Doing it for a good cause without a single doubt.

E: In exchange for the life of a person who has no option left but to await death, you can save a person who has the chance to live on, right? In that case, you shouldn’t even have to think twice.

S: I thought so, too… arrogant as I was.

E: Is that to say that you don’t think that way anymore?

S: Yes, that’s right. You know, I… continuously tried to persuade the relatives of a braindead patient who were against organ transplants. Giving them reasons like the ones you just mentioned, Es-kun. “In order to save the life of someone you don’t know, please let me kill your family,” I told them. It doesn’t even take much thinking to realize how cruel that is, but… I didn’t realize it until the very end.

E: … Isn’t that just a placebo? I would think that family ties play no role in that context.

S: Do you still feel that way if it’s your own family?

E: …

S: Es-kun, is your family alive and well?

E: I don’t know… I don’t remember.

S: Is that so? I’m sorry about that.

E: It’s fine. It’s not like I feel any particular way about something I don’t even remember. Besides, I don’t think my judgment would change even if it involved my own family.

S: There’s no way.

E: Even if my family happened to end up imprisoned in Milgram, I would see my job through to the end.

S: Family is… special.

E: Huh?

S: Let’s digress for a moment. Have you studied criminal law?

E: Well, the most important parts at least. I’ve been learning about it since I started working as the Warden.

S: Excellent. So, for example, if someone harbors a criminal or tampers with evidence in order to protect that criminal, that is a crime in itself, right?

E: That’s articles 103 and 104.

S: You remembered well. Can you recall article 105 as well?

E: No… Are you familiar with it?

S: It’s not my area of expertise, but I remember it because it left a big impression on me. Article 105 states that, “when a crime prescribed under the preceding two Articles is committed for the benefit of the criminal or fugitive by a relative of such person, the relative may be exempted.”

E: So essentially, even if someone covered for a criminal or helped them out, they won’t be held legally responsible for it if the criminal is part of their family?

S: That’s right. For me, no matter whether it’s according to the law or in any other context, it’s only normal to help each other in a family.

E: That’s a very fascinating story. But even with all this, I still don’t get what you’re trying to say.

S: (chuckles) I wonder. Maybe I just wanted you to listen to it.

E: … As always, I can’t entirely wrap my head around you.

S: I’m talking about how, unlike you, I can no longer claim that I’m doing my work for a good cause. I’ve lost the right to.

E: And something happened that changed your mind?

S: That’s… right. Although you’ll probably be finding out about that once you watch the extracted footage.

E: Yeah. Let’s have a look.

S: Es-kun. I’ve killed a lot of people. Like I previously told you in the interrogation, I’ve killed for selfish reasons as well. So…

E: Are you about to beg me not to forgive you again? Even though I’ve already told you it’s no use?

S: That’s right. Please don’t forgive me… is what I would like to ask.

E: …

S: I… “I don’t want to be forgiven”. That feeling of mine remains the same. I need to be punished. I need to atone for my sins. I don’t think Milgram is in the right, but…! There is no better place than this to atone for my crimes. But… as long as Milgram continues like this… we won’t be able to save those who get injured if I don’t get forgiven!

E: …!

S: Even now, Shiina-kun is still in a condition where any digression could be fatal. She can’t live without my treatment. If I’m not forgiven, she will end up dying!

E: That’s… true, I suppose.

S: From now on, conflicts between the prisoners will probably become more frequent. If I’m not there… they will be in even more danger.

E: Shidou…

(machinery whirrs, bell rings)

S: I need to be punished… but I need to stay alive, or young lives will be lost. I… I don’t know what to wish for anymore. I’m starting to think… that I want to live. That I want to be forgiven. Despite being so riddled with sins…!

E: … Shidou. Do you remember what I told you?

S: …

E: Back when you were still fine with dying at any moment, I told you to desperately want to live. “Because we have an attachment to life, punishments for sins exist in the first place. Your existence in itself is a sacrilege to Milgram and myself,” I said.

S: Yes… I remember.

E: And now, finally, you’ve gotten attached to life and become a real prisoner of Milgram. That’s what I believe. You wanting to be forgiven, and your wish… those are the steps that now represent you.

S: … That won’t do… I mustn’t be forgiven. Otherwise… the countless lives I’ve taken will never be paid back. 

E: Heh. If you’re really trying to give your life as compensation for the people you’ve killed, then there’s no reason to stay alive that will hold up, anyway.

S: …

E: Don’t face them with a life that you’re easily willing to throw away.

S: Es-kun, you’re a… strict… person, aren’t you?

E: I told you before, didn’t I? Because you’re the type of person I dislike the most.

S: (chuckles) It’s a pity. Since coming to Milgram, I’m being hated by children left and right. Even though I do like them.

E: Hmph. Like I care. But… but, you know…

S: Hm?

E: Thank you for saving Fuuta and Mahiru. I’m glad you’re here in Milgram, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

S: Es…kun…

E: That’s all. Prisoner no.5, Shidou – sing your sins.

[pastelcheckereddreams]

Four Seasons Manor (四季山庄): Set Layout!

If you’ve been following my descent into madness my research progress for my next set design project, you’ll know that it immediately became impossible for me to work out the layout of Siji Manor from screenshot studies of the show alone. To backtrack to about a year ago: it quickly became clear that the exterior shots of the manor’s first courtyard and the birdseye view we see in episode 24 is not located in the same set, or possibly even film base, as the “interior set”. Unfortunately, that secondary set is where many of the indoor scenes take place (with significant rooms, such as Wen Kexing’s bedroom being redressed to be used for other scenes in the show), and is where the secondary courtyard is located.  I soon realised that I had to do three things in order to create a Four Seasons Manor for my project that feels as authentic as possible to the one we are presented with in the show. First, find the full film base on Google Earth (which has the most up-to-date satalite imagery I can find); second, identify all the buildings to create a “complete” Manor and confirm the secondary set isn’t just another part of the first; and third, find the secondary set in order to correctly map its layout and marry it with the birdseye view. Friends, I have achieved two of those three things. The second set still evades me. But so far, I have finally managed to correctly and completely identify the film base that is presented to us as Four Seasons Manor:

Full research breakdown under the cut. Find part two and three linked below, and please consider supporting my research and art projects through kofi or INPRNT 🙏✨

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

project list | kofi | prints

This is one of two full manor sets on Hengdian World Studio’s No.1 Mountain in the ‘Spring and Autumn Tang Park’ filmbase. In anticipation for the birdseye plan in my set design project, I’ve gone ahead and mapped it out faithfully to the satalite image:

As you can see, there's five distinct areas that make up this manor: three courtyards (labelled 1,2,4) and two gardens (3,5). The first courtyard will be familiar to everyone who has watched Word of Honor:

It is the main courtyard of Four Seasons Manor. Likewise, the fifth area will also be familiar to you all, although you may not realise it yet. It's Sanbai Manor:*

*With the exception of the main gate. The main gate of Sanbai Manor is actually from another set in the Spring and Autumn Park filmbase - the Tang Palace. There is fantastic drone footage of that set here. The Sanbai Manor gate is at the rear of the set, but you may recognise the opening shot of this clip as another place we see in the very first episode of WOH 🤫 Edit: I forgot I had a second douyin clip for the Tang Palace set.

These are the main two areas used in WOH of this set. Confirmation of the rest of the set comes from drama New Life Begins and various douyin videos and tourist photos on the internet. I won't bore you with a breakdown because Tumblr has eaten too many drafts of this post and I am Tired, but here is a snapshot of my confirmation process:

Find the difference between these two pictures

Edit: On rewatch, I can confirm that are 4 is also used in WOH. We see it in the very first scene of episode 1, dressed as the Military Governer Li’s Manor:

Here is a daylight photograph (source here) of that same building:

You may be wondering though, about the alternate layout I have detailed in my map:

Friends, this is where I would like to hear your ideas.

After scouring many clips and photographs trying to confirm whether these photos are part of this same set or a later development, I've found that since the satalite picture of this site was taken by Google Earth in 2020, corresponding to what we see in WOH, Hengdian has remodeled this part of the set. You can see a wonderful walkthrough of areas 4 and 5 here, in which you can see the remodelled layout:

This douyin video was the last confirmation I needed to place the photographs from the article. This photograph in particular feels very much like Siji Manor to me, and so I will be trying to include this remodelled layout in my project design:

But.

Despite not having located the secondary set yet, I have been thinking over which area would be best to remodel myself, to try and incoporate the kitchen space and the two rooms it sits between, which I have confirmed to be WKX and ZZS's rooms:

Reminder of that early process here.

There are two options that I see right now:

1) I use area 4 as this second courtyard. I remove the gate, make the main room ZZS's room, remove the side halls, drop in a kitchen, put WKX's room where the gate was. Chengling's training dummies then get dropped whereabouts the hexagonal pavillion is in the alternate layout, and I tweak a random building here or there:

However, somewhat crucially - the view from WKX's moon widow would be blocked by the big building that is the centerpiece of area 5. I don't like that. Past the first courtyard, there's a certain sprawl and lack of uniformity to Siji Manor created in part by this CGI shot. I think that's why the above photo appealed so much to me.

So, 2) I remodel area 3. It's pretty sparse. I was thinking of making courtyard #2's main hall into a private study or meeting room, with the sidehalls being ZZS's "medicine room" and the "first night room" - the Cold River Room, as @minnarr​ called it in their stellar sleuthing post (I hope you don't mind that I'm using the name? And may continue to use it? Also, I'm still searching for this set and your sleuthing is going to be so much help.) - they could later become Chengling's room (and Han Ying's. For hanwenzhou headcanon rights).

Area 4 could then be used as a training courtyard and lecture hall perhaps? Meanwhile area 3 can be completely redone, to have ZZS's room at the bottom facing north, WKX's facing south:

The "training area" is then still technically past a covered walkway to the left of their courtyard. The spirit remains. However, crucially: The dotted line between areas 3 and 4 is indicative of a drop in elevation. The whole set is on a slope, with areas 1,2 and 3 at a higher elevation to 4 and 5. So. If the moon window in WKX's room did face west across the garden and down the mountain, it would actually be true to the CGI we see out of his window in the show: Especially because you see part of a roof. That could totally be the roof of the building that sits against the dotted line.

But additionally, there's also this alternate orientation:

It makes the kitchen feel more tucked away, and the additional screened walkway would give ZZS and WKX their privacy. But the view from the moon window would be blocked, and there's no reason to not have the rooms central to the courtyard the way they are here.

...Does any of that make sense? I bypassed Normal about this show a solid year ago. I'm leaning towards option 2 right now, but I will continue my hunt through cdrama for this other set. What's irritating is that I can see its style in lots of other places, including Lotus Pier, and I just can't find the real world setting for it...

ANYWAY, as always, thank you for joining me on my research adventures -supporting me through ko-fi, and checking out my previous CQL projects here and on inprnt, would be greatly appreciated.

Find part two and three linked below, and please consider supporting my research and art projects through kofi or INPRNT 🙏✨

Part One | Part Two | Part Three project list | kofi | prints

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 9th July ✨

For a good long while now, I've been sharing my weekly thoughts on the fantastic audio drama I've listened to each week on Twitter... I think it's time to start sharing them here too!

I’d love to start by shouting out @tellnotalespod’s S2 crowdfunding campaign. I need to know what happens to these characters like I need air to breathe and I have a specially vested interest as I’m going to be playing a really sweet ghostie this season. PLEASE let’s make this happen!!  

🌲Happy birthday to Mx Wellman, the @hellofromthehallowoods creator! I listened to this week’s episode while cycling to and from work and happened to be wearing leggings with lightning bolts on them…. You can imagine how FAST I got home during Olivier’s affirmations! 

📻 (104) The first @monstrousagonies letter made me so sad for the writer but really raises such a good point about how to cope with people doubting the authenticity of your identity. I especially feel that this is important when people enter more diverse (often online) spaces and meet people who have identities that you may not have met otherwise. If a new identity resonates with you, you can explore that! “And if you do decide that transformation is right for you, well. Welcome home.”

🌒 (S4E17) OUGH I don’t want to spoil anything because today’s Moonbase Theta Out (@monkeymanproductions) episode isn’t out at the time of writing but oh my GOD. BRACE yourselves. You’re going to cry, you’re going to laugh, you’re going to wish you could act HALF as well as Tau Zaman and Cat Blackard!! I am SO excited for the season finale - I’m sure it’s going to be … explosive. 

🧛‍♂️ @re-dracula Renfield time! I was so confused about this part of the story when I first read it, but the team are doing an amazing job of bringing it to life! 

🧬 Ep 3 of Regina Prime was great! Poor Prime, she’s wandering into something far greater than she could have ever anticipated and I love the contrast between her cheerful exploration and the jaded additions from Omega. I’m enjoying this so much!! 

 💫 This week I listened to episodes 7-9 of Wolf 359. I love Doug and Hera’s relationship. I’m not sure if the genre of the show is going to shift over time, but I’m really enjoying how it’s falling in the same weird place as WTNV where the events are strange and a little uncomfortable, but you’re always waiting for the punchline. 

Hope everyone has a lovely week! I’ve told myself that I’m going to wrap up writing S2 of The Vesta Clinic by the end of the month and it’s looking like that’s going to be possible!! Sending only the finest creative vibes to everyone else who’s working on something they want to be proud of! 

[btsgotjams27]

this is us ~ jjk | 11

you receive an unexpected call.

✨ title: this is us | (sequel to all grown up) ✨ pairing: jungkook x f!reader | ✨ rating: m/18+ | minors dni ✨ genre/au: drama, romance, angst, fluff, smut | est!relationship, age gap, bff's younger brother ✨ playlist ✨ a/n: if you haven’t read the prequel to this, please do so here! :) you can read them here on AO3 & Wattpad

[ SERIES MASTERLIST ] | next ✨ 12 ~ i do

chapter eleven ~ the call | wc: 7.8k warnings: yuna smacks jungkook upside the head, jungkook hates himself, yuna has an accident, hospitals, oc has a heart-wrenching convo with her mom, oc briefly talks to jungkook's mom (who's the complete opposite of her mom), angst and more tears

One week. One week without Jungkook by your side. It felt weird. Like a massive part of your life had disappeared.

No tattooed arm draped over you. No warm body to snuggle you from behind. No 'I-need-you-at-3-am-sex'. No coffee or breakfast ready to go once you woke up. No late-night ramen talks. You were met with nothing but silence. It's like your world suddenly stopped. The routine you came to know and love, the physical presence of Jungkook--gone.

The week had passed by much slower than anticipated because you didn't know what to do with yourself. Hyunie had gone MIA. Yuna was pregnant and tired all the time. And then you realized that pretty much concluded your circle of friends. Once you passed the age of thirty, honestly, out of college, it was so much harder to make friends. Everyone was always busy doing their own thing, and you didn't care about befriending hundreds of people. You preferred having a few close friends that knew you well and that you could confide in. But once Jungkook was out of the picture (for now), you realized how lonely you were.

Saturdays were laundry days and as you stuffed your clothes in the washer, sitting at the bottom was Jungkook's hoodie. You stared at it, debating if you should wash it because it wouldn't smell like him anymore if you did. So, you opted to leave it alone, and you'd figure out what to do with it later.

While waiting for the laundry, you sat on the couch looking around, seeing traces of you and Jungkook throughout your place. You wondered if it was too early to start taking pictures down. The two of you technically weren't broken up, just on a break - figuring out the next steps. But you couldn't lie, it was hard to see his face scattered through your apartment. You weren't sure what you wanted; all you knew was that you wanted Jungkook, but how could you be with someone who kissed and touched someone that wasn't you?

Your phone buzzed on the coffee table, and a notification appeared. A small part of you wanted it to be Jungkook checking up on you because you hadn't heard from him since he left, but you also knew that he was getting ready to go on a trip with Namjoon and Jin, so he probably wouldn't have time.

You picked up your phone and saw it was Yuna, asking how you were doing and if you needed anything. Funny because you should be asking her since she was pregnant, which warranted more concern than a broken heart. This past week, more than usual, she sent you an obscene amount of TikTok videos of silly and funny things, which did help you get your mind off Jungkook for a little bit. You were just happy to laugh again.

You 11:27 AM I'm doing fine. Thanks for checking up on me. I don't need anything, but I know the boys are going on their trip today, so text me if you need ice cream or something lol.

Yuna 11:30 AM We could eat ice cream together if you want. I'll text you whenever they leave so you don't have to see...you know...

You 11:32 AM Thanks for the offer but I might just stay home if that's okay. But please text me if you need anything, 'kay? Love you.

As you set your phone down, another buzz came in. You thought it was Yuna again trying to convince you to hang out, but to your surprise, it was none other than Kenji.

Kenji 11:34 AM Just checking in to see if you've made a decision yet. The clock is ticking. ⌛⌛

Honestly, your show was the last thing on your mind, but you tossed the idea back and forth about working with Kenji. You wondered if you agreed to it if Jungkook would think you were only saying yes to spite him. But in reality, that was hardly the case. Considering what your story was about and Kenji's type of director, he would be the perfect man for the job. He'd be able to push you and the story into something extraordinary. It would be worth it to work with him despite what Jungkook thought.

You 11:40 AM You gonna be on your best behavior if I say yes to you?

Kenji 11:45 AM 😁😁😁 Let's get to work baby!

You 11:47 AM 😑😑😑

Kenji 11:48 AM I promise I'll be good. Don't want your boyfriend to come beat me up.

And there you go again, your eyes beginning to well up at the mention of Jungkook. It didn't take a lot to get you crying these days.

An hour later, the washer began singing its melodious song, letting you know that your laundry finished. You began to unload your clothes, hanging them over the drying rack. You looked at the bottom of the basket once more, picking up the hoodie at the bottom. You held it tight, bringing it to your nose before taking a small sniff. If someone were you catch you right now, they'd probably think you were weird. But the faintest smell of Jungkook still lingered on it. He always preferred softer scents which you grew to love too.

You found yourself practically hugging the black piece of clothing, then undoubtedly, you slipped it on over your head, cozying into the soft cotton. It felt like a warm hug from him. You wonder if he missed you as much as you missed him, and then the thought of Jungkook overwhelms you again.

The rest of the day dragged on as you mindlessly cleaned your apartment, even though it was already spotless. You didn't want to go out because it reminded you that you had no one to go out with.

You crawled into bed at the night's end with Jungkook's hoodie still on. Pathetic, you know, but you couldn't help it. Laying in bed, you scrolled through your phone, looking at his old text messages and pictures. It became a nightly routine once Jungkook left.

You clicked off your screen, groaning at the fact that you were torturing yourself by scrolling through photos. You pressed the side button to check the time, and your lock screen illuminated a picture of you and Jungkook at Yuna's wedding, dancing and smiling like nothing was wrong with the world. This moment captured in time what seemed felt like a lifetime ago. It was as if you were staring at two completely different people. Those two dancing away were happy, maybe even naïve, full of hope and love. The screen darkened, and now it was only a reflection of you, teary-eyed again like you had been all week. You wiped away the tear pooling in the corner of your eyes.

Setting your phone on the table, you turned away, laying on your side, hugging a pillow. Not a minute later, your phone began to ring. Picking up, you didn't recognize the number but figured you should answer anyway in case it was an necessary.

"Hello?"

Namjoon, Jin, and Jungkook planned a guy's weekend trip to Namjoon's parents' cabin. The same place you and Jungkook went with Hyunie, Jimin, and Taehyung.

The dread on Jungkook's face was apparent when he walked through the threshold to his sister's place. He knew she'd beat him if she could. He was packed and ready to go, just stopping to pick up Namjoon and Jin.

Namjoon immediately greeted Jungkook when he came in, telling him he was almost ready. Yuna was on the couch, watching TV, glaring while he sat beside her.

"Jungkookie, can you get the remote for me? I can't reach it." Yuna reached her hand out, but the protruding belly was in her way.

He reached for the remote, handing it to her. But Yuna gestured for him to come to her.

"There's something in your hair," Yuna squinted, tilting her head. She continued to glare at her brother.

His hands reached up, touching his dark locks. "Where?"

"Nope, still there. Come here. I'll help."

Instead of helping, she lightly smacked him upside of his head, earning an 'ow' from him.

"What the hell, Noona?"

"That's for cheating on my best friend," she scowled, crossing her arms. If only she could say what was on her mind, this was mild compared to the things running through it. She had a lot more up her sleeve, but considering you were both hurting, she'd keep some things to herself. If only Jungkook saw the aftermath of when you told her and then when she blew up after telling Namjoon what happened. She clenched her jaw and curled her fist, and with every fiber of her being, trying not to become violent.

He massaged the spot she hit and didn't bother to argue because he knew he needed a good scolding from his big sister.

Yuna's voice became shaky. "How could you do this to her? To your relationship? You guys were doing well, and I thought you were getting ready to propose. What happened?"

She didn't understand what had gone wrong. She thought he was completely head over heels in love with you. But all it took was one person to come back and ruin everything.

After he had spoken to Namjoon and Jin at the housewarming party, he may or may not have started to shop around, looking for rings. He even secretly measured your finger while you were sleeping, trying to get your ring size. Lucky for him, Jungkook got Yuna's opinion on a few different options he had picked out.

Jungkook sat slumped over on the floor next to Yuna, burying his head in the crook of his arm. Yuna felt guilty for hitting her baby brother, but he deserved it. She softly placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Jungkook-ah..." Yuna mumbled. He hummed back, not turning to her. "Please fight for her. I can't lose her," she said with a shaky voice.

As much as Yuna disliked your and Jungkook's relationship in the beginning because she didn't want to see her brother get hurt. She overlooked the fact that Jungkook could hurt you too. Her brother would always be around, he's family--so she could never get rid of him, but you...you could easily drift away because it would hurt too much to be around Jungkook. And she wouldn't blame you if you never wanted anything to do with their family again. But the thought of losing you and not going through big life events together pained Yuna. The two of you have been through thick and thin, but she wasn't sure if your friendship could survive this one.

Jungkook finally gazed at his big sister, eyes teary, nostrils flaring rapidly, ready to burst into tears. He'd been crying every day since he left your place. "Noona...I don't--I don't know how to fix this."

The pad of Yuna's thumb wiped away a tear from Jungkook's eyes. "It's going to take time. Give her time."

Time. It was the one thing that Jungkook feared. Time apart could either make the heart grow fonder or make you drift from him. It could make you realize that what you wanted was not him but something better, someone better. He had thrown everything out the window, and for what? A moment of weakness struck him at the worst time. It was one thing he'd never forgive himself for.

"You ready?" Namjoon asked, not realizing the serious moment his wife and brother-in-law were having.

Jungkook quickly wiped away his tears, pretending he was okay with a smile. He stood, ready to head out.

"Jungkookie," Yuna called out, and he turned to her, "Everything's going to be okay."

He was thankful that his sister was hopeful but considering all the shit you've been through with previous boyfriends. He could see why you compared him to them, and he wasn't any better as much as he tried to justify it.

The boys' weekend trip would be better if it weren't for this dark, looming cloud over Jungkook. He didn't know how to fill this gaping hole within himself. He was a mess, unsure of what to do with himself or who he was without you by his side. To distract himself, he worked tirelessly on the project he was in charge of at work, and he played games until he was exhausted and ultimately passed out. It helped somewhat to keep his mind off you, but every night he'd wake up in a cold sweat, wondering where you were, and then the cycle of trying to keep you off his mind repeated.

The cabin was exactly like Jungkook remembered, but spring had sprung instead of light snow piles on trees and the patio. Life was evident here and there throughout the fields the cabin was facing - flowers blooming, birds chirping like nothing was wrong with the world. But not in Jungkook's world - his had turned upside down.

Jin immediately claimed the loft bedroom, which Jungkook didn't mind. There were too many memories of you and him - kissing, touching, fucking, and it was too much for him. Barely there for thirty minutes, and the only thing that consumed his mind was you. Honestly, you were the only thing taking up space in every corner of his mind, body, and soul.

Jungkook walked out to the patio, nursing his beer, watching the sunset color the sky, a beautiful palette of apricot and lilac and marshmallow clouds soft enough to sleep on. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before letting out a shaky one. His heart was burdensome as to what the next steps with you were. He didn't know if there would be any future with you - he sure as hell wouldn't want anything to do with himself after his actions. He broke your trust, lost your respect, and he lost his integrity and sense of dignity. Even he wasn't sure how he would redeem himself.

"Jungkook-ah--" Namjoon broke him out of his thoughts, "Dinner's ready."

The three ate silently, and all sensed the elephant in the room.

Jungkook was tired of the lack of words and patronizing stares, so he set down his chopsticks and glared at the two men at the table. "Spit out whatever you want to say," he huffed, not that he was eager to hear them scold him.

They looked at him, going about eating their food, both unwilling to speak what's on their mind.

"Come on, yell at me. Hit me. Please tell me how stupid I am. Tell me how much I fucked this up," Jungkook declared, nervously tapping the table. He deserved it. He deserved being told he's an asshole. He deserved being told that he wasn't worthy of you.

"You're being a bit dramatic, Jungkook-ah," Jin argued. Although he may have disagreed with how his friend handled things, it didn't warrant a punch to the face, even if he wanted to.

"What about you, huh?" Jungkook directed it to Namjoon. "I'm sure Yuna told you everything."

He sighed, setting his chopsticks aside. "Will us telling you off make you feel better about yourself?" he inquired. Namjoon shook his head, returning to pick up his chopsticks to finish his dinner. He understood that Jungkook was in a tough spot, but Namjoon thought the young man was too hard on himself. Namjoon certainly wasn't excusing his actions but thought Jungkook should be gentle with himself too.

Jungkook shrugged. "Maybe." As if Jungkook wasn't already wallowing in self-pity and deprecation since Alex showed up - he needed more, others telling him how worthless he was.

"Have you thought about why you did what you did? Are there underlying feelings for Alex? Is there something you're not happy with in your relationship with Y/n? Something you want but she can't give you, and maybe that's why you did what you did with Alex?" Namjoon asked, wanting the young man to think about his motives.

"No--I don't even like Alex. She's the worst person I've ever come to know.

"O-kay...then why did you kiss her? Touch her?" Jin asked, confused by the contradiction of his words versus actions.

Jungkook rubbed his face and groaned in frustration. "I DON'T KNOW!" The young man cried out, then apologized for getting upset. "I'm not mad at your questions. I'm mad at myself. I fucking hate myself."

A beat passed before he continued.

"Maybe...maybe it's because I don't have all of Y/n. It's like I do, and I don't at the same time. You know? I feel like I give her all of me, but there are still some parts of her that she's hiding, afraid to share with me. I've been patient in letting her tell me things when she's ready, but sometimes I don't understand why she doesn't trust me with whatever it may be. Am I too young or immature? I've tried to show her that I'm good enough, but...I don't know. Maybe that's why I kissed Alex. Maybe that's why I gave in."

Jin and Namjoon quickly glanced at each other. The two of them discussed this privately in the presence of Yuna after everything went down. They had suspected this was the case. Namjoon knew about your miscarriage and reproductive issues, but he promised his wife he wouldn't tell a soul what he knew.

Jungkook stared at his two friends, probably dismissing him in their heads. "You guys think I'm the scum of the earth, huh?" The younger man implored.

"We didn't say anything," Namjoon said, looking away from Jungkook and at his plate of food.

"You don't have to. Your silence is deafening," Jungkook stated, scooting his chair back, causing a screech against the wooden floors. He stood, walked, and placed his plate in the sink, turning on the water to begin washing his dishes. For some strange reason, Jungkook always found solace in washing dishes. He could mindlessly clean while warm water ran and soapy bubbles on his skin.

Jin and Namjoon cleared their plates and brought them to Jungkook. Jin leaned against the counter, watching the young man beat himself again.

"Hyung, what am I gonna do?" Jungkook asked, hands under the running water, scrubbing away the dirty dishes.

Jin crossed his arms. "Well, what exactly did she say?"

"She said she wanted to take a break. I have no idea what that means or what it entails. Like, can I still call her? See her? Kiss her?"

He shook his head. "You probably shouldn't kiss her no matter how much you want to. You need to give her space to figure things out. She's hurt by the one person she loves, and it will take time to trust you again."

"What if I lose her in the process? What if she never trusts me again?" Jungkook paused, scrubbing the plate to gaze up at Jin. His mind already went to the worst possible scenarios, replaying over and over again this past week - you breaking it off and leaving him, maybe never wanting to speak or see him again. You'd always been a part of his life in some way or another, and a world where the two of you wouldn't collide, made him sick to his stomach.

Jin stood beside his friend, rubbing his shoulders. "Only time will tell."

Again, with 'time.' Jungkook was starting to hate the four-letter word. T-I-M-E. He wishes he could fast forward to when he could be with you again. But he'd wait a lifetime if he had to.

The night had gone by quickly. Jungkook didn't want to spoil the rest of their weekend there, so he figured he should stop pouting and talking about you every chance he got. He was sure everyone was tired of him pouring out his broken heart.

The three of them were heading to bed when Namjoon's phone began buzzing in the pocket of his sweats. He reached in, pulling it out, frowning at the screen. He never answered what looked like spam but picked up anyway.

"Hello?" Namjoon answered. "Yes, this is he." Namjoon's eyes quickly darted to Jin and Jungkook, then to the ground.

The voice on the other line was muffled, and Jin and Jungkook couldn't hear anything.

Namjoon's eyes widened. "What?!" his voice grew louder, "Yes, I'm a few hours away, but I'll have someone come down right now. I'll be there as soon as I can. Thank you."

Jin and Jungkook looked at him with worried eyes. Namjoon hung up and immediately brushed past the two toward the bedroom.

"Hyung, what's going on?" Jungkook asked, chasing after him, and Jin followed closely behind.

"It's Yuna. She fell, and she's going to the hospital. I'm sorry, guys. We gotta go back," Namjoon said, grabbing his bag and franticly searching the room for anything he needed to take.

Jungkook could see Namjoon's hands shaking while holding his duffel bag. "Hyung--Noona's gonna be okay. I promise."

Namjoon nodded at the young man's sentiment. 

"I'll get the car," Jin said before taking off.

"Call Y/n. She can get there the fastest," Jungkook stated.

Namjoon agreed, grabbing his phone to call you.

Walking into the dim, cold hallway, you weren't sure what to expect once you passed through the double doors. The low hum of beeps echoed when you walked the hallway, the heel of your boots softly clicking with every step. You stopped to take a deep breath before walking through the threshold. The first bed in the room was empty, and a divider covered the second. You sat on the chair in front of the bed, staring at the one person who despised you but had to call family.

Hello, is this the daughter of _____ ______?

"Yes, this is she."

This was a call you were not expecting when you picked up.

Your mother has been in an accident, and you were listed as the next of kin. If you could please come to the hospital, we need to sort out some paperwork for her.

"Okay, yes, I'll be there."

You never liked hospitals - they always brought bad memories. The first time was your father's sudden heart attack, which led to his death, then all the personal shit you had to deal with.

You hadn't spoken to her in months. The last conversation took a turn for the worst, and she revealed secrets she'd been keeping for all of your life - a conversation you've been keeping to yourself because you didn't have the heart to tell Yuna or Jungkook. You weren't sure what to do with this secret, so it had become a secret you had buried.

This was the only time you ever saw your mother peaceful when she was sleeping. You watched her, trying to shift into a comfortable position, but her arm sling didn't allow her. She tossed and turned from side to side, finally peering her eyes open to see you sitting in front of her. She didn't say anything but groaned at your presence.

"It's nice to see you too, mother," you said sarcastically.

She tried her best to turn away from you, but the pillow behind her was obstructing her arm, so she could not move it back. You knew she wouldn't ask for help, and she was always stubborn and had to do everything herself. But she needed assistance, so out of the goodness of your heart, you stood by her bedside, removing the second pillow and placing it under her arm to keep it elevated.

"What are you doing here?" your mother asked with malice, turning away from you to peer outside the darkened window.

"The hospital called asking me to come down," you replied. This was the last place you'd expect to see your mother, but given that she was your only "family," you figured you should at least check to see if she was alright, it was the least you could do.

"Well, I'm fine, so you can go. I don't need you."

"Suit yourself. Good luck getting home," you huffed at her comment and shook your head, letting go of the railing on the bed. You spun around, ready to leave her to her demise. If she was going to be a heinous bitch, when you were the product of something you had no control over, then you wanted no part of her life. You'd been fine figuring out everything on your own, so you didn't need her.

You had no problem walking away. She didn't deserve your kindness or sympathy. If she wanted to blame you for everything that happened between her and your father, that was on her, not you. You had no control over the actions of your father or what kind of relationship they had. So you didn't need to put up with any more of her bullshit.

You entered the hallway, ready to never see your mother again, but you stopped in your tracks, fists, and jaws clenched, retracing your steps back towards her room. Your phone buzzed in your bag, breaking you out of your moment of anger. You knitted your brows when you looked at Namjoon's name lighting up on your phone screen. "Namjoon?"

"Hey, Y/n, not sure if you got my texts, but I decided to call you too. Are you at the hospital?"

"I'm here. Why?" You were confused. You didn't tell anyone you were there. Not even Yuna knew.

"Oh, you are! Good. How's Yuna doing?" Namjoon asked with relief in his voice.

Your eyes suddenly widened. "Yuna? What do you mean? Is she okay?"

"You're...not with her?"

You cleared your throat, hesitant to say why you were at the hospital. You paused briefly before answering, "I'm with my mom..."

"Oh, um, Yuna fell, and we're trying to get back to the city, but we can't because some big tree fell, and they're trying to clear it, but I don't know when they'll be done. When you have a chance, can you check up on her?"

"Yes! Of course, I'll finish up with my mom and find out where Yuna is."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're such a lifesaver. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'll call you later to give you our ETA."

There was a weird twinge in your heart when Namjoon said that - don't know what I'd do without you. With everything going on with Jungkook, you realize that if you slowly drift apart from Yuna, you could also lose your friendship with Namjoon and maybe even Jin. You could potentially lose Jungkook, but you could also lose your friends.

"Bye, Joon," you said before ending the call.

You peered at your phone and then at your mother's room. You didn't want to deal with her and would do it later.

"Yuna--babe!" you cried out, rushing to her side, your eyes raking over her, seeing her ankle bandaged up. "What happened?"

"I was clumsy because, hello," she pointed to her belly, "pregnancy has somehow turned me into my clumsy husband. I rolled on my ankle and fell, but I'm fine. Baby's fine too."

You leaned over, pulling her close against your chest. "Geez, you scared me. Us," you emphasized the last part because you were sure Namjoon was losing his mind not being here, which reminded you to call him back before he went ballistic.

"I'm fine," Yuna said, shifting to her previous position. She caressed her baby bump, then tilted her head at you. "How did you get here so fast?"

You flashed her a thin smile, then drew in the chair behind you. "I, uh, my mom is here. She also had an accident."

"Oh my gosh. Is your mom okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine."

"You should go be with her. You must be so worried."

Was this the right time to tell Yuna everything your mom had spilled to you a few months ago? About who your 'real' mother was? Now was as good a time as any. You're not sure why you'd need to keep this from your best friend.

"I have something I need to tell you," you looked up at Yuna, and she had nothing but concern in her eyes, waiting for you to continue. "So, you know how my mom has never shown me any kind of love throughout my life?" Yuna nodded and hummed. "Well, it turns out I'm actually not her daughter, and that's why she hates me so much."

Yuna gasped and covered her mouth. "What? What do you mean?"

"It turns out my dad had an affair with someone early on in their marriage, and it resulted in me," you sighed, "Long story short, my birth mom died, and my dad and mom were stuck with me." You looked at Yuna and could already see the pity in her eyes, which was probably one reason you avoided telling her. Your life was a shit show, so growing up, you preferred being at Yuna and Jungkook's. It was a nice escape from your crappy life.

"Good god--" Yuna huffed. She clenched her jaw, her heart racing. "That doesn't give her the right to treat you like she has. I'm sorry, but she's a despicable human being."

You agreed. Your mother was something alright...she wasn't the best, but what you hated most about yourself because you always tried to put yourself in the other person's shoes - to see their viewpoint. Though you weren't trying to excuse your mother for how she's treated you, you understood to an extent what she must have felt while raising you - having to see the result of her husband's infidelity every single day of her life.

"Don't you dare try to excuse her shitty job as a mom," Yuna cried out. She definitely knew you too well.

"I'm not."

"...how long have you known?"

"For a while now," you said, nervously biting your lip.

"Does Jungkook know?" Yuna probably shouldn't have brought up her baby brother, but she couldn't fathom you bearing this secret all on your own.

You shook your head. There were still plenty of things you needed to tell Jungkook but wondered if there was any need to now.

"Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry you had to go through this by yourself."

"It's fine," you said, feeling bad about how this somehow turned into a show about you when it was Yuna in the hospital.

"No, it's not," Yuna asserted. "I love you, Y/n. You're like a sister to me, and you're family. You've been with me through thick and thin, and I will not forget that. But I need you to promise me something," she said, waiting for you to acknowledge her, which you hummed in response. "I need you to stop holding things back from me, no matter how hard it is. I know you don't like sharing your burdens, but I'll always bear them with you. You never have to walk through it alone."

Your chest began to swell at your best friend's words. You've never wanted to dump your problems on someone else for fear of them being annoyed with you whining and pouting. Maybe it was the lack of parents that made you feel unsafe enough to share yourself with others - fully share yourself.

You could feel your eyes glistening once more. You couldn't help but be such an emotional wreck. As much as you hated crying, you always felt better after doing it.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. After Jungkook and I started seeing each other, maybe even before then, like during your wedding planning, I felt I had lost your trust because I wasn't upfront about liking Jungkook. You probably noticed me not coming to you as much when I had something on my mind. I didn't feel right because I knew I hurt you and didn't know if we could go back to the way things were."

Your sudden confession felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, and as you got older, you understood that not all friendships would look like they used to. Did you miss the times you had with Yuna before Jungkook? Yes, but you had good moments with her after Jungkook too.

"I don't want to go back to the way things were," Yuna stated, holding out her hand for yours, "I know I don't say this as much as I should, but Y/n...you don't realize how strong you are. I've never known anyone like you through all the years I've known you. You've been dealt a shitty hand in life, but you always overcome them. You're level-headed, think about your choices very carefully, and are slow to anger, and I know you always have that little voice in your head making you second-guess yourself. Know that your choice will always be the right one for you."

"Are you trying to make me cry right now?" you chuckled, patting the tears running down your cheeks. "Thanks, I needed to hear that."

Yuna laughed. "I love you," she said, squeezing your hand.

You stood beside her bed, leaning over to hug her. "Love you too friend."

The two of you talked for a while longer before Yuna fell asleep. You told her you'd stay until Namjoon came so that he could switch places with you. The TV quietly played in the background, and you mindlessly watched whatever was on - an old episode of a variety show. You softly chuckled at the game they were playing.

"Hi, sweetheart," said a voice from behind.

You looked up to see Yuna and Jungkook's mom. It's been a while since you last saw her, but you always loved their mother, and she felt more like a mother to you than your own. You stood up to bow, but she pulled you in for a hug.

"It's so good to see you, honey," she said before pulling away, getting a good look at you. She cupped your cheeks, and her hands were a bit icy from the cold night. "You get more beautiful every time I see you," she said with a big smile, gently patting your cheek. You mumbled, thanks flashing a thin smile. "How's my baby girl and grandchild?"

"They're both doing good. Just a few bumps, but the doctor said it was nothing to worry about. They'll keep her here for observation for precaution."

"Ah, that's good to hear," she said as she sat in the empty chair next to Yuna's bed. She took Yuna's hand in hers before flicking her eyes to yours. "How are you and Jungkookie?"

Jungkook's mom never opposed your relationship. It was quite the opposite which was a surprise. She supported the two of you one hundred percent. She even told you she would tease Jungkook about his crush on you when he was younger, asking him when he would finally confess his feelings for you. But of course, she wouldn't know about the current state of your relationship because who would've told her? Certainly not Jungkook himself.

You cleared your throat, debating whether to lie or tell her the truth. "We're um...taking a small break from each other right now," you explained, shuffling over to the other side of Yuna's beside.

"Oh, sweetheart," she looked at you with sorrowful eyes. "Do you need me to beat him for you?" she teased with a light chuckle, making you snort.

"I think Yuna already did," you said, staring at your best friend, sleeping peacefully.

"Ah, good, I'm glad someone did it."

"I'll leave you here with her. I have to go see someone."

"Your mother?"

Your eyes perked up, and you nodded. "How did you know?"

"I heard her yelling at a nurse while coming up to see Yuna, and I stopped to see the commotion."

Oh god. Not Jungkook's mother talking to your mother. "I'm sorry if she said anything to you about Jungkook and me."

She shook her head. "You have nothing to worry about, sweetheart."

Your lips thinned, wondering what they could have talked about. Was your mother completely vile like she usually was? You hoped it wasn't the case and your mother would have some respect for Jungkook's mother. They were, in fact, friends once before.

"I'll be back," you smiled at her. You were thankful that you had someone like her who loved you even though you weren't hers.

You took time walking to your mother's room, thinking about what you wanted to say. Honestly, you had a lot you wanted to say, but if she were determined not to be a part of your life, you wouldn't stop her.

You could hear the light chatter and laughter from the TV show resounding as you approached the room. Your mother was watching one of her favorite variety shows. When you were younger, you'd often find yourself sitting next to her, laughing along - it was the only time she'd bear your presence. You walked in, and your mother was sitting, smiling, laughing away at the show until she saw you standing. She acknowledged your presence for a moment before returning to her show.

You took it upon yourself to sit in the chair beside her bed. Nervously, you licked your lips and shuffled in your seat until you found a comfortable position. Your mother stared at you, wondering why you were there.

"I would like it if you took a moment to listen to what I have to say, and then you'll never have to hear from me again, okay?"

She didn't respond, but her eyes returned to the screen in front of her. You sighed, annoyed at her lack of response.

"My whole life, all I ever wanted to do was make you proud," you chuckled, realizing how silly it sounded because it was an impossible feat, "I'm sorry I wasn't the daughter you wanted but the one you were stuck with. If I could go back and change things, I would." She glanced at you briefly. "I'm sorry that you weren't happy in your marriage, and what dad did to you was unfair. If there's one thing I learned from you, it's that you're strong, and I'd like to think that I got that from you," your voice started to become shaky. "I don't know what your life was like before, dad, and I don't know what your life will look like now, but I do hope that you find happiness because you deserve it. You were robbed of a beautiful marriage. You were robbed of having your own child."

A flood of tears began to flush down your cheeks, your hands patting and wiping away at the streams coming down, sniffles growing louder as you continued, "You were robbed of so many things, mother...so, now I understand why it was so hard for you to love me or even like me - it was because I wasn't yours."

You stopped to take a deep breath. Your thoughts overwhelm you and your mother. You could see that she was, in fact, human because of the tears she began wiping away. You'd always known she had a heart. She just built her walls so high and so thick that no one was able to penetrate them.

"Even though you never saw me as yours, you'll always be my mom. You're the only one I've ever known," you cleared your throat and continued through your shaky voice, "I hope life treats you well and that somehow you'll find happiness."

The twinge in your heart grew ten times more prominent by the end of your monologue. You hoped you were able to get everything off your chest. It's certainly been a long time coming. You've spent countless nights reflecting on your life and your mother's and concluded that you had lived your life long enough without her, so her not being involved in it wouldn't make a difference either way. She chose a path of destruction and displeasure, and you sure weren't going to go down the same direction. You wanted a life filled with love, joy, and hope - everything she wasn't.

You rose from your seat, gazing at her once more before heading out the door. You stopped to look back again; she had already turned away from you. You held onto the door entrance, lightly tapping, debating if you should say goodbye, but opted out. You didn't have anything else to say to her. You had made your peace.

You sat in the hospital lobby, thinking about how much you disliked them. They were so dull and sad, and the contrast of hospitals made your stomach twist- filled with sad and happy life events. Someone could give life to a brand new baby on one floor, and then on another floor, someone could be saying goodbye to a loved one.

Peering up from the ground to the commotion echoing before you, you saw Jungkook, Jin, and Namjoon rushing through the sliding double doors. Namjoon hurried in your direction, asking what room Yuna was in. As you told him, he and Jin went together, leaving you and Jungkook alone.

"Hey...." Jungkook softly called to you, making you gaze up at him, "Are you okay?" He searched your face for an answer. He could tell you had been crying, your eyes were puffy, and the tip of your nose was ruby red.

You swiped your finger underneath your runny rose, looking away from Jungkook. "Yeah...'m fine." You were always bad at lying, and Jungkook could always tell.

He sat next to you, his familial warmth filling up the space, and it was a warmth you had missed so much this past week.

"It's good to see you. It just sucks it's under these circumstances," Jungkook said as his hand struggled to see if he should hold yours. He shifted his hand a few times before settling it on his thigh. He wasn't sure if you'd be comfortable with him touching you.

But you helped him, placing your hand on top of his, curling your fingers between his. You could've easily not held his hand, but you were tired of going against the current. Right now, you need to be in the comfort of Jungkook's presence, and you'd sort out your feelings later.

He was taken aback by your gesture, but he didn't resist it. He had missed you so much this week. Jungkook wanted to keep this moment frozen as long as he could.

You glanced at him; your heart was racing a million miles a minute. "Can you do something for me?" He looked back at you, agreeing to your ask. "Can you stand up?"

He was confused by your request but wouldn't refuse you. He stood to his feet, as did you. Jungkook towered over you, which you loved so much. You always felt safe in his arms. The pair of you faced each other, his hand still entangled with yours.

"Can you...hold me?"

Your little chat with your mother shook you to the core. Sitting in the lobby, you realized that you were now truly alone.

Your father - gone.

Your birth mother - gone.

Your 'mother' - practically non-existent.

Jungkook scanned your face again, trying to figure out if this was a test. You looked up, eyes starting to pool with tears.

"Just for a little bit..." you expressed with such sadness.

In all the years that Jungkook has known you, he'd never seen you look so heartbroken - not even when he told you about Alex. This was different, and whatever was going on was more painful than he could ever imagine, something he could probably never fix.

He brought his other hand to cup your cheek, the pad of his thumb gently caressing your cheek. You closed your eyes and leaned in without hesitation, a tear streaming down your face. And then, he finally embraced you, holding you as tight as he could - a part of him never wanting to let go because he didn't want to lose you. He wanted to be your person. He wanted to be your everything, be there for you through the good and the bad, and champion and support you for the rest of his life. That's what he wanted. So, he was scared to let go because he didn't know if he'd get to become that for you. He knew whatever the reason for you giving in to him right now, the feeling would eventually pass, and you'd come back to your senses, remembering that the two of you were on a break.

You softly sobbed into his hoodie, letting everything you were holding in go. These past few weeks had been such a rollercoaster of emotions; honestly, you were just so tired of life continuing to shit on you. You weren't sure how much more you could take.

Jungkook quietly shushed you, telling you it'd be okay. "I'll always be here if you need anything, okay?"

His remark made you sob even more, chest heaving, short breaths leaving your mouth, continual snot running from your nose, slowly dripping down to the top of your lip. You turned your head, pressing it against his chest, hearing his heart thump rapidly, and your hands gripped tightly onto the back of his hoodie.

The two of you stood like this in the lobby for a while until you finally settled. Jungkook didn't say anything and didn't ask what was on your mind even though he desperately wanted to. You breathed a big sigh, slightly pulling away, taking his scent along with you.

You nibbled your bottom lip, quickly exploring Jungkook's eyes before landing on his lips. It would be a complete lie to say you weren't tempted to reach up and kiss them. You admit you almost gave into a moment of weakness, but it was time to return to reality and remember that you initiated a break from him.

"I'm--gonna head home."

"I can take you home," Jungkook immediately responded. He was hoping you'd accept his offer but was leaving room in his heart if you denied it.

"I'll just grab a taxi," you flashed a thin smile, "Thanks, Kook," you said, reaching up to kiss his cheek. You quickly pulled away in case you decided to give in and kiss him.

You walked out of the hospital and into the cab, wondering what your future would look like without your mother, you and Jungkook on the rocks, your best friend about to be a mom, and Hyunie nowhere to be found. You felt as though you were aimlessly wandering through life - just surviving, not living. Life around you moves a million miles a minute, but you are frozen in time, watching life pass you. You wondered when it would be your time to shine.

✨ next ~ i do

[thatgirl4815]

Elle..do we know anything about sandray endgame in the OF novel? ‘Cause atp i am 🥲✨SCARED✨

What is happening?? Ofts was going fine up until ep10 and ✨ep11✨ happens. What is jojo thinking?Why did they add Boeing in the penultimate episode. This should have happened during the halloween episode. Then this might have added much more sense.

Boeing: ep10:going after topmew;ep11:going after sandray;ep12:potentially going after boston(if the preview is correct) LIKE WTF IS THIS??!!

1. I am happy for bostonnick with whatever is going on for them(but i wanted an open relationship for them)

2. Topmew topmew topmew I have so many things to say about them like i am happy mew gave him another chance. (Not to make this about me But my ex was a cheater and i gave them a chance though we were happy most of the time i was paranoid if they might cheat again and it didnt end well..so this might be a ‘me’ problem)

3. Cheum babied him just like that, the girl who judges everyone and their mama for everything doesnt feel like what atom said and did is probelmatic????!!! Boston might have gone to jail!!!!

4. SANDRAY. Oh i am trying to collect proper words to write about them.. 💕BOYFRIENDS 💕they are painfully in love with each other😭 but sand baby ily i really do but wtf happened to youu!!i know you might have some lingering feelings about boeing(🤮)and thats okay but dont send away ray your BOYFRIEND and then go and talk to boeing(🤮)

OMG WHERE IS THIS GOING???HOW IS EP12 GONNA END??WE HAVE TOO MANY PROBLEMS TO SOLVE!!ARE WE REALLY GETTING SEASON2???ATP I AM NOT GONNA BE HAPPY WITH AN OPEN ENDING FOR SANDRAY I NEED NEED NEED HAPPY HAPPY BOYFRIEND SANDRAY

Unpopular opinion:they should have ended this with ep10 if they wanted to add boeing in the last 2 episodes

I am really so sorry for ranting so much i wanted to vent my anger somewhere🙏🙏

Love you lots!!❤️

I do not know anything about the novel besides a few snippets I've seen translated, but those are all of scenes we've already seen in the series. And I'm glad for that, because even though the anticipation is killing me, getting spoiled would honestly ruin the whole experience for me (and so close to the end would be heartbreaking).

I have to think that Jojo and the rest of the crew/writers know that adding an ex, particularly at the end of a series, is very common and--imo--is almost always a needless way of stirring up drama. The TopBoeingMew conflict was resolved fairly early in the ep, and I wasn't at all surprised with the way Boeing pursued Sand, but Sand's reaction still bothers me. I take it the writers are using the BoeingSandRay plot to 1) create conflict in SandRay's relationship after they've already resolved their other issues and 2) connect that conflict to Sand personally, seeing as many of the conflicts in SandRay's relationship have been from Ray's side of things.

It's certainly an interesting approach to use Sand's reaction to Boeing as further proof that he doesn't know how to no to people, even those that have hurt him most. While it's true that he didn't reciprocate Boeing's advances or say anything to suggest he was all for them, he also just allowed it to happen. Given what Boeing did to him and the state of his relationship with Ray, I find this behavior just generally odd. It's not entirely out of character, but...it is to some degree.

I'm pleasantly surprised that Nick is portrayed as way less pathetic in his relationship with Boston now. Yes, he was eager to get back with Boston last episode, but he's not groveling at his feet the way he was before. He even expresses hesitation over being in a relationship with Boston when he's going to move away soon. Interested to see if that dynamic will remain consistent or if Boeing will screw things up. (Also, about Cheum, I'm also quite frustrated that she brushes Atom's behavior to the side like it's nothing. Like that was a serious accusation people. Why are we acting like it's nothing??)

I'm glad we got that scene of Top crying to Mew and the discussion of paranoia and distrust in their relationship. I think they've established some healthy communication in the wake of Top's betrayal. This is a personal thing, and it's a valid reaction, but something about Mew's behavior towards Top at the beginning of the episode was incredibly annoying to me. First of all, using Boeing to make Top jealous is just stooping to Top's level, so I'm glad Mew quickly moved on from that. But something about Mew's expressions when talking to Top strike me as so entitled. Mew as a character rubs me the wrong way more often than not, and I'm tempted to say it's all because of that sense of entitlement just ebbing off of him at all times. He's justified in being angry at Top, but every time he's onscreen I can't help but get annoyed.

Prayer circle for happy boyfriends SandRay in the finale!! I'm a bit scared but still hopeful that once this Boeing mess is sorted out, they'll be okay. They were just fine until he came back, which tells me that once he's removed from the situation, they'll go back to being happy and in love. I choose to believe the best. 😊🥲 <3

[ghostwise]

there’s a flame that burns out at sea

✨ Marinadonna Bertolini (2/2) ✨

words: 2k summary: A chance encounter on the Dareia gives Mar a chance to test herself against the sea once more.

It hurts, sometimes.

In the cold, or when she pushes herself too hard while training, her knee reminds her of rocks sharp as teeth, riptide currents, and the deep taste of ocean water; brine and blood both swirling within her, tempering some internal fire that sputters and burns at her core, refusing to be put out.

It happens. She's accustomed to it.

Discreet as ever, Mar shifts her weight from one leg to another, easing up on the painful knee.

Discreet as ever, Aeran offers a brief touch to her shoulder, and raises a brow.

All good?

The salty air lifts a strand of hair off her face. Marinadonna nods.

.

Being aboard the Dareia feels familiar and unfamiliar at once. Mar is comfortable aboard, given her seafaring childhood, certainly; but the ship is a wonder unlike anything she’s ever seen. It has a character and a personality that demand respect. Dareia gives an impression like a stately old woman, a matriarch not to be underestimated. In that sense, Mar likes her a lot. Silly to anthropomorphize a ship, but she does.

Mar thinks of this idly as she stands at the bow of the ship, eyes fixed on the unmarred blue sea. Then she spots something.

A fraction of a second passes before realization sinks in. Mar focuses, her black eyes widening, her figure jolting forward to grip the handrails. She stares, brows furrowed. There, near the horizon. No mistaking it.

“Aeran!” she calls, and turns away with a purpose.

Striding toward midship, she finds him on the deck, along with Nova and Marsala.

“We are being approached by a hostile vessel,” Mar says matter of factly, before turning to Marsala and Nova. “They must have an accomplished illusionist aboard, seeing as I am the one alerting you of this, rather than anyone on your crew.”

Her tone is calm, but holds just enough tension to impress the fact that this is an emergency. Aeran, who knows her better than anyone, picks up on this right away; he sets his mouth and Mar glimpses the part of him that sparks under pressure.

“Where?” he asks simply.

“Off starboard,” she says, utterly thankful for him. And with that, they’re off.

Aeran springs into action, alerting the captain who sounds an alarm throughout the ship. Xanael’s voice fills the air, magically dispersed throughout all decks as Malsara quickly sets off to Zenaida’s side. It is something of a relief, not being challenged or ignored; Mar feels anticipation rising within her, but also a sense of satisfaction at being taken seriously, without anyone questioning her judgment. Only she and Aeran could have seen this threat coming, and only she could have assessed it so quickly.

Nova lingers beside her, eyes searching her for a moment.

“Did you recognize the ship?” she asks.

Mar looks at her, unblinking. She nods. “Faran pirates.”

A low sound escapes Nova. “And thanks to you we won’t be caught off guard by them. I dare say we owe you a debt of gratitude.”

“We can talk about debts,” Mar says grimly, “after we’ve dealt with this.”

Dareia is fast and her crew is seasoned; Mar watches as sails are tacked throughout the vessel to make use of the wind and magic of those aboard, channeling haste into every bit of wood, every bulkhead, as the ship cuts across the water. It’s a valiant effort, but she tugs her goggles on and restlessly grips Longclaw at her side.

Aeran returns soon after. Together, they watch as the Faran pirate ship gains on them. It is still far enough away that the whole thing feels like a drama played out in slow motion.

“They know, don’t they?” Aeran says after a moment, dusky blue eyes fixed on the approaching vessel. “They’ve realized we’re trying to outpace them.”

“It won’t work,” Mar remarks. She taps her boot against his calf, half-playful in the face of what’s coming. “Ready for this, Ranran? It’s not unheard of for pirates to make use of illusion magic. There are plenty of tales about enemies that ambush ships out at sea, and then vanish without a trace, leaving empty vessels behind.”

“Like ghost ships?” Aeran smiles, unfazed. “We’ll watch each other’s backs, yeah?”

Mar secures her pigtails and steels her heart as the ship draws nearer. “Always.”

 .

It's a laborious game of cat and mouse, but sure enough, the distance between the two vessels decreases. As dusk falls, the enemy ship is near enough for Mar to clearly see the name on the hull. BITTER ENDS it reads, and Mar guides Captain Xanael, who cannot make an assessment of the situation without her feedback.

“Moving up quick on us,” Mar says. “Ship is alee and readying harpoons. We have a few minutes at most before they strike.”

“We’ve got defenses, but without a clear look at them we’re just blindly lashing out,” Xanael says. “Until we can actually see our blasted enemy... Wayfarer Bertolini, can you get over there?” he asks suddenly. “Find that illusionist and incapacitate them?”

Mar’s heart quickens. She looks at Xanael, then at Aeran, who scowls at the suggestion.

“I can do it,” she says. “But I’ll have to go alone. Strike hard and fast so as to have the element of surprise. If I am doing this, I have to do it now.”

“I’ll cover you,” Aeran says. “But gods... just be careful, Mar.”

Mar holds back a frown. That hesitation—that fear in his voice—it’ll seep into her if she lets it. She’s too close to him, and what she needs now is for him to recklessly believe in her invulnerability.

“When am I not?” she asks, trying to maintain levity.

Catching her meaning, Aeran forces a grin and clasps her shoulder.

They make a striking pair together; dressed all in black, with the new armor Zenaida has bequeathed them. Mar thinks with some irony that it is fitting that it should be put to the test so soon.

She readies her grappling hook and waits for the ship to come near enough. It is far away, but she is confident in her throw. She pitches it in a smooth motion—it flies overhead, and she can see shock dawning on the faces of the nearest pirates, so she takes off running before they can react.

Things happen quickly.

Aeran shoots two arrows into the fray, knocking back the first enemies to rush at her, giving her ample chance to get herself over. For a moment she is airborne, swinging aboard from the Dareia onto Bitter Ends, where Aeran has shot down another enemy in her wake.

Now her fight or flight response drives her forward. She’s awash with adrenaline; she draws her sword and stomps through the deck, looking for the mage behind the ship-wide illusion. It must look curious to the onlookers; as if she is standing on thin air, high above the choppy waves. Meanwhile Aeran follows along from the Dareia, never losing sight of her.

“Drop the ruse!”

Mar hears a voice call out over the waves, a sharp and keen growl, and she senses a nearly imperceptible shift in the air as the magic ceases. She knows from a raucous call from the ship over that this is now a fair fight. The Dareia’s crew can see their assailants before they’ve made a first strike.

In a way, it’s a relief. She no longer has to hunt for the illusionist, whose identity remains a mystery—but now she’s on an enemy ship, surrounded. One problem at a time, she thinks.

“We have a guest.”

That voice comes again, loud without being forceful, projected with ease and confidence, as the speaker comes into view from the mast above her.

She is half-melusine, like her, with a shock of white hair and blue-grey skin. Curious skull-like markings overlap both her eyes, standing out eerily against her complexion, which is almost metallic. Her frame is strikingly tall and looming, her smile sharp-toothed, and an ouroboros tattoo snakes around her neck.

“Clever little fighter,” she says. “How did you see us coming? Spotted the wake behind our ship, did you? Not many could.”

“Were you the one casting the illusion?” Mar asks.

The woman grins. “What do you think?”

“Mar!”

Aeran’s voice sounds from a distance. The woman does not react, simply deflecting an expertly shot arrow with a swipe of her sword.

Mar does not answer. She can sense a fight when it’s coming, so she is not surprised when the woman drops from her perch and starts towards her.

 .

Xanael shouts commands as warriors from Zenaida’s crew come aboard, clambering over on boat hooks and ropes, and there are fights and skirmishes happening throughout the deck.

Mar recalls years of training at the Spire, and wields Longclaw like an extension of herself. But her foe is surprisingly adept. With a broadsword of her own, she parries and counters her at every step, pushing her back against the railing.

Mar braces herself against the wooden frame. She feints, then pushes off and manages to land a heavy kick against her chest.

“Oh, stronger than you look, are you?” Slightly breathless, the woman chuckles and sweeps her hair back. She gives her sword a little flourish before diving in again. “You’re quite troublesome, you know? I ought to chop your little pigtails off.”

“If you are trying to get a rise out of me, it won’t work,” Mar says. “But since you asked: Yes, I am stronger than I look.”

Spotting her chance, Mar drives the hilt of Longclaw forward, making use of its sharpened edge. Pinning the enemy’s sword in place she makes to disarm her—the broadsword clatters onto the wooden deck—but Mar is surprised when the woman recklessly flings herself forward and grips her by her dominant arm.

Mar freezes. She can see the reason behind the tactic now: most people would falter at the sensation of their magic being dampened. But for her, it just feels familiar. She sees the same recognition in the woman’s face, which goes still for a moment, a curious look in her eyes.

“You...” she breathes, and then lets out a laugh. “You, too. No wonder.”

“PITERAQ! We’re being swamped!”

A crewmate’s call draws her attention away, distracting her for a moment. It’s all the time Aeran needs; in an instant he’s landed an arrow, sharp and true, right in Piteraq’s chest. Mar can hear it strike through layers of armor: not enough to kill, but enough to wound, and Piteraq releases her with a strangled cry of pain.

“You’re magianis,” Mar says, shocked. A half-melusine magianis like herself—she’s never met another.

“Just one of my many charming qualities,” Piteraq says sardonically, blood seeping through her leather waistcoat. “Good match, little fighter. But we know how to pick our battles, don’t we?” She takes a breath and addresses the others. “FALL BACK!” she shouts. “They have Wayfarers aboard! Not worth the headache!”

And without further ado, she lifts Mar as easily as if she were a ragdoll.

That’s cheating, Mar thinks indignantly, before she is tossed overboard.

 .

Mar is again met by the deep taste of ocean water. Brine and blood still swirl around her—but this time it isn’t her blood, it is the privateer captain’s. This time she feels herself being tossed in the ship’s wake for only a moment, before coming to her senses and fighting the powerful currents. She kicks hard, and swims up towards the surface, towards the diminishing sunlight above.

The sky is beginning to twinkle with stars. The fight ended before it truly began. As the Dareia regroups, Bitter Ends shrouds herself in illusion once more, and speeds off into the sunset.

Captain Xanael directs his crew to check for injuries, assess potential damage, and, using magic, they calm the waters surrounding the ship while Mar and a few others make their way onboard.

Aeran is there waiting. Pulling her up, he draws her into a tight embrace.

“Are you hurt?” he asks.

“I’m fine,” Mar replies with a chuckle. “Like I said. I’m always careful.”

An argument starts up in the background, as Zenaida insists to Xanael that they do not have the time nor the resources to pursue the enemy ship. They must not be distracted from their ongoing mission or the journey to Velantis. Their voices fade away, though, as Aeran gives her an inscrutable look, nods, and steps back after a long moment.

The facts are this: injuries were minimal and fatalities none. Thanks to Mar.

 .

Mar considers this encounter for days, thinking about the crew of Bitter Ends and their magianis captain. Stronger than you look, she’d said. Mar smiles.

With weeks of sailing ahead of them yet, the crew falls back into routine, but with newfound respect for the Wayfarers aboard. Meanwhile that fire inside Mar burns and grows, brighter than ever. Refusing to be put out.

[firstkanaphans]

✨Watch & Rewatch Drama List ✨

Tagged by the lovely @khaotunq 💛

Currently Watching

(in order from my most to least favorite)

A Boss and a Babe - I am unironically enjoying this. Yes, I was surprised too but I love neurodivergent leads and Thailand rarely gives them to us. Also, according to the special episode, it seems like we're heading into secret dating territory and that's my all-time favorite trope.

Bed Friend - It's giving PrapaiSky but with more consent. (And, unfortunately, also more trauma).

Friendzone 2: Dangerous Area - Just started this and the first one was hit or miss for me, so I don't have high hopes.

[Side note: Someone let me know if Midnight Museum turns gay and I'll pick that up as well]

Rewatching

Not Me - I was having Yok withdrawls. What can I say?

Looking Forward To

(in order from my most to least anticipated)

Only Friends - FirstKhao. Friends with Benefits. High-ish heat. Need I say more?

The Next Prince - A modern royalty AU? Yes, please.

Our Skyy 2 - I just finished Star in My Mind so I have officially seen all of the originals and am particularly looking forward to the episodes for The Eclipse and My School President.

23.5 Degrees - The MilkLove/GeminiFourth combo is top tier, although I do worry about GMMTV's ability to give me a good GL. Idol Factory they are not.

Hidden Agenda - The trailer had practice kissing. Need I say more?

To anyone who wants to participate: consider yourself tagged!

[acefaun]

Hello. Is RRR a good movie? What's your opinion on it? Happy Valentines day 💓 ( I know i am late).

Hello, loves! Good day!

Try 2 of “Can Faun write a movie review on Tumblr without getting bonked with Tumblr’s galaxy-sized eraser?”

I'm calm this time, I promise. I come with opinion. ✨

I looooved RRR! I was so deeply invested in my brOTP. 💖 I’m lucky I don’t have apartment neighbors or they’d have heard me screaming for my boys the whole time. (We’re gonna ignore that my screaming was probably mostly to cover up the sounds of bones breaking and blood splattering…)

But Bheem and Raju are just 🫶🏻 BROTP🫶🏻 

I think my favorite aspect outside of the storyline was the fact that the music was literally a narrative device. It wasn’t just background music to make the scenes feel powerful. I mean…. It made the scenes feel more powerful, but the lyrics were genuinely telling the story. 

🥺If I could stop crying over the back to back betrayals, that’d be great. Like they don’t even know they’re low key fighting for the same thing and my feelings for them are just hnskhddnkdhsns

But kudos to the one white chick that actually helped them(only after Raju popped her tires with nails… but that’s besides the point!). You know, you know, 🥰 Bheem’s English babe. 💖 I ADORE how love transcends language barriers. That woman deserves all the happiness with Bheem!! 

Overall, it was very beautiful and the story played out in a way that I really couldn’t have anticipated. For a three hour movie, that was a roller coaster! I feel like that movie did a 360 on me at least three times. It was like every hour had a completely different motive. Honestly, a movie like this could’ve probably been split into three parts but I feel like it would’ve lost its powerful transitions with their relationships and all the betrayals. The DRAMA and ANGST. I feed on main character angst. My soul flourishes to witness their pain!!

I hope this review was enough… 😅 I’m not 100% sure what to comment on, but those were the things that stood out most to me! My most important note for this movie: LONG LIVE MY BROTP(Bheem and Raju)!!!!!

[lovebooksforeversblog]

Review : Maniac by @onleyjameswrites

😮Wow wow wow!!! Maniac was one of my anticipating reads forever and it didn't disappoint I enjoyed it thoroughly. 😘

Mainly because from the very first book of Necessary Evils I was fascinated by both Thomas and Aiden. I was rooting for them and I am glad they found each other in the end. 💑

I was completely blown away by Thomas childhood trauma and was so happy he had Aiden now to help him through it. The tension and chemistry and sex was soooo good and dirty talking I loved it... Aiden and Thomas deserve THE WORLD. 🌍

And now I'm kinda sad that I have completed the series and will be missing these characters alot. At the same time I am completely happy that every character got a well deserved HEA. ♾️🫶🏻

💖With a bittersweet heart I am saying goodbye to the mulvaney family ( until next reread though )

@onleyjameswrites thanks alot for writing these magnificent, crazy dangerous, lovely, beautiful men {women too}. U made this characters part of my life.. Thank you. 🥰👏

I wish there are loads and loads of bonus epilogues in the future and I can't wait to meet and greet Jericho's boys soon 😇

: if you guys love handsome men, fast paced romance with some suspense, amazing actions, crazy love making and dirty talking, family dramas this series is Highly recommend for you guys 📚🏳‍🌈✨💑

[fujunfuren]

Helloo

Yeah, I like that they offer perspective to each other. There are lots of conversations (between the leads, and also with others) that make me go "I like this drama".

I'm not the brightest one so that plot twist (of Suho bringing an usb to hack the computer) surprised me.

Cameos are pretty fine in this drama. They carry the story well without being too obvious as a guest actor/actress.

Everyone is sus to me. I was expecting Jay to be the president from the get-go... but now idk, we'll see.

Lol at this point we're living in the world of Jeokmeok. Everyone is somehow related to it. (I was very uncomfortable with the possibility of Jae In working for the Jeokmeok but I'm glad she is not. I mean, at least not on purpose.)

I want the president to be an impressive villain. I hope it doesn't turn out to be a pathetic/boring character.

For my thoughts...

"feel like they accomplished something only to ruin it all over again" I like this about this drama. They all got plan, they put it on the action and then they fail. The drama has many failures, it brings an interesting spark. (Not the first attempt tho... I was like "girl, haven't you thought that they would torture you by using your weakest point, too?") It might look like it all goes in ruin (and it does) but I don't feel like my time is being robbed.

Do you have any fav characters?? I like the psychiatrist and the lawyer friend! Last episode has a ✨sincere✨ conversation scene of Moo Young and him. I was so happy that there is one, but I didn't understand some points because the subs were kind of hard to follow/comprehend?? Anyways. I like them. And Yo Han's annoying presence is so fun to watch, he really carries the comedy part on his shoulder.

I still have no idea what this drama can bring to me, so I have no thoughts or expectations other than the anticipation of enjoying upcoming episodes. I am enjoying the acting, dialogues, ~frauds~.

FRIENDDDDDD

YOUR GUESSS ISSSSS RIGHTTTT. The latest 2 eps were very wow for me like it's nearly the end but the revelations *chef's kiss* I love it!

I feel you, I like how there's constant mishaps, nothing is ever perfect and it relates back to how these jeokmok kids are somehow always trapped in the cycle of their past. As much as they want to escape and get out of the jeokmok ways, old habits die hard.

I really like DaJung and Ringo, I just want to protect them<3333.. Despite the harsh treatment they experienced, they are just really nice kids. But Yohan's annoying ass lmao I love that for him. I like yohan's and jaein's interaction. and yes the one at the dinner table about the fork and how he nonchalantly revealed he was abused(?).

Mooyoung and Yohan are soooo, i love when he annoys the hell out of mooyoung. they are bross. I need to rewatch that scene I missed the convo maybe.

I know Jay was sus but the revealllll. He is creepy, he groomed her since so young omgg and so soo obsessive of her. My heart breaks for roum, she really had to take in all the shocking truths in a day and deal with everything with a "sane" mind. When suho said something about worrying roum will never recover, I have the same worry. she was slowly going back to how she was originally, a softie and caring person and with all of these getting thrown at her, but I know she's strong willed so I hope she'll finally be free from all the burdens soon.

the last part of ep 14 tho, she is finally genuinely trusting and depending on him. Drives me a little crazy yeah now how to wait 4more days.

[localplaguenurse]

It’s two am and my skin allergy is bothering me so I’m here to drop asks

Ok so imo Morax is a terrible liar I mean seriously met him for the first time during the liyue archon quest and I was already suspicious that he was the so called “dead” geo archon. So how did he manage to hide his plans away from Wifey

Genuine question cause like, did he not anticipate that his wife would not react well (understatement fr) to his death?? 😭

Full honesty it was mostly because I just wanted ✨drama✨ but I did at least have a reasoning/thought process behind it

They would’ve been suspicious but he would have given them the “I need you to trust my judgement” talk and explained that he can’t fully go into detail because contract stuff. They had a feeling it was serious but not faking his own death.

I did sort of have an alternate scene in my head where it was him giving them the “is my job done now?” speech, and they were like “whatever you feel is right, you have my support” and then it turns out he was talking about faking his death which uh... not really what wifey had in mind.

[bertievi]

Okay! So!

I’ve will be back from a six day, 1044 mile journey tomorrow evening, I will be exhausted because no it was not in any sensical straight line and was a total indulgence trip 👀 more of that to come later.

But I will be catching up and posting opens and starters as soon as I am up for it, very likely on Friday because the muses are quite loud after their own holiday from the dash. Just letting you all know that I will be back and I can only apologise for that!

[cesimnida]

[KDRAMA REVIEW] Our Beloved Summer

I am a sucker for slow-burn romances, angst and all that and this one is just right up my alley!!! If you love those things, I definitely recommend OBS for you! To be honest, my mind's a little clouded and I am not yet done crying as I am drafting this but I want to write this as soon as possible so I won't forget the feeling.

Note: I want this to be as spoiler free as possible but I might have spoiled some minor things.

Our Beloved Summer is one of my most anticipated dramas; Wooshik's acting got me ever since I saw him in Train to Busan and I really liked Dami's performance in Itaewon Class. I haven't watched The Witch Part I yet though but yes, I'm planning to watch it soon (maybe this weekend?). Initially, I expected this as a typical rom-com drama where they were high school friends whose relationship developed through the years and ended up as lovers in the present. Amazingly, adding up the ex-lovers trope SERIOUSLY SEALED THE DEAL FOR ME. However, I started the drama 3 weeks late because I was trying to finish another drama before committing myself to OBS. Since reading the plot, I was pretty sure that I won't be able to finish any other drama once I start this because I will be so invested in it. Turns out I was right and thankfully, I managed finishing my previously currently watching drama before starting it.

Watching Our Beloved Summer was such a treat because the story-telling and transition is so smooth even though we have two timelines - the past and present lives (or documentary) of Ung and Yeonsoo. Even with this, I never felt confused while watching which is a plus for me as I get confused with alternating timelines easily. Additionally, I LOVE the OSTs! The songs play just in time to make a scene more meaningful and emotional which was very effective in triggering my tears most of the time. I have also read the OST translations and I kid you not, being able to know the meaning behind the lyrics adds up to the emotional effect of the songs every time it's played in a certain scene. I never NOT cried hearing There For You ever since I read the translations, I swear! The lyrics are related to their story, it felt like they're Yeonsu and Ung's letters for each other. It was such a wonderful feeling being able to watch a drama that can make you feel like you are also involved in the story because watching Our Beloved Summer made me feel like I was watching Ung and Yeonsu’s story behind Ji Ung's lenses.

Dami and Wooshik went above and beyond my expectations! The ✨chemistry✨ was over the top, their micro-expressions and the little details they add in their acting (e.g., those on cue tears, facial expressions, little adlibs, etc.) made a big difference and they definitely owned Yeonsu and Ung. They made themselves as their characters and it's hard to imagine different actors playing the roles they played in this drama. Actually, the supporting characters did a stellar job as well! This is why I really liked the ending: they gave their friends and family their well-deserved spotlights in the last episode! Honestly, this is one of the best endings I have ever watched, they wrapped it up so beautifully I'm so speechless, all I did was cry happy tears.

Our Beloved Summer is not just about ex-lovers meeting and falling in love again but instead, it's a tale of two individuals finding the path in confronting their fears and past that haunts them, being able to overcome these with the help of the people they love most and of course, themselves. It's about acceptance of past mistakes, forgiveness and growth. They also perfectly showed that healing is a painful process but it isn't impossible to overcome if you have the right mindset and a good set of support system - that quality is better than quantity and communication is always the key. And most importantly, it showed us the beauty in finding a love you thought was lost and it taught us to trust the process - that there's always a chance in discovering what you truly want for yourself and being happy again.

It's heartwarming to see the relationship and dynamics they have with the people around them. Even though small in numbers but it is of good quality - just what they needed. It made me realize that having just the right amount of people you can trust is the life I wish to have. Having these people around and sometimes telling them what they needed to hear allowed them to grow outside their comfort zones and realize, albeit later than I expected, how lucky they are for having them in the good and bad times of their life. Being able to witness their journey was such a ride and I'd love to experience it all over again by re-watching it!

Thinking of it, the plot is simple but it was written and executed so beautifully and will most certainly stay in my heart for a long time. The way they showed us the different love languages being present in the leads' relationship added a different kind of intimacy to the scenes, it's such a wonderful thing to watch. The journey was full of tears, happy and sad, but definitely worth it! My only complaint is that I thought this was a rom-com but why do I feel like I cried most of the time? Lol. But still, 100/10!

Thank you OBS team! That was a good run. I'll probably have a hard time watching a new series so I'll just bask into the OBS greatness for now.

[kinghamilton]

I keep getting close to a milestone and then people unfollow me so I've decided ✨why wait to give a shout-out to the people who make my tumblr experience a lovely one? ✨

To my Nico Haunting Madness squad for being the most hilarious and absolute best 👻

@kweenphia sweetie... I don't know what my fandom life would be without you. I love our discussions so much and I would keep staying up late to chat and and write half stories with you any day <3

@holdmyhopeinyourhands honestly what is there not to love about you... You're always so fun and positive and I like being able to cry about our psg boys together and make fun of every stupid drama. I also don't understand how you have the patience to deal with all your weird anons but 85% of the time your answers are absolutely hilarious.

@lauda4theback bless you and your so well argumented rants when people are being absolutely ridiculous. I am in awe of you. Truly.

@querencva you're a baby but one I want to wrap in a blanket. I hope you succeed in your studies and your internships. I adore seeing your name on my dash. I always smile when I see your icon.

@lescedes my fellow fand(m)om, I appreciate you so much... You have the absolute best blog name on this entire website and you're such a kind person.

Another special shout-out to two of my favorite people. I am so glad I met you both:

To the amazing @historygeek12 for being such a sweet and kind person 💞 you are always here to talk to and I feel very lucky to know you 💙💜

To my fellow French sweetheart @ctolisso for letting me rant about how our national team is just a whole bunch of clowns wearing blue outfits 🤡🇨🇵 and for being a gem in general that is not afraid to threaten me with a good guillotine time 🥖❤️

To some special people that I absolutely love to see on my dash or in my notifications whether we're mutuals or not:

@grandprixwinnerpierregasly I think you were the very first f1 blog I followed and I don't regret it one bit. You are such a genuinely lovable person!

@l8tof1 for being such mood all the time; your posts, your tags... Honey you brighten my dash every day. I don't know how else to say it. I see your name and my heart is happy.

@eld1ablhoe Honesty... you make me laugh so hard so much and thank you for all the motogp and Bayern content. I always anticipate a laugh when I see your name and icon appear.

@heureux4430 you're so nice and I loved each time we've talked! And I like that you diversify my dash with some NBA and music 👌

@electric-arc for being my favorite pro Bottas blog, I think there's barely any post I don't like or reblog for you (and if I miss some it's only because I'm not online at the right time!)

@hungerpunch I see your reblogs and I absolutely love your tags all the time!!!

This post is getting long and there are other people I want to mention and I want to give a special shout-out to all of you but honestly I'd just keep rambling about how I love seeing you on my dash or notifications. I love to talk to you when we do or admire your presence from afar when I'm too shy to reach out, or see your URL pop-up in my notifications. So another few people I have grown to love on here these past few months in no particular order:

@7xwc @itsmetheabnormalone @watermelonseb @sewis-rights @cinnamonstroll @halohamilton @teenwaywardasgardian @lewisbian @teampapaya @heartsoftruth @milou-in-space @goalkepa @eyessshut @sirlewismybeloved @louisxgolden @milky-wayyy @the-place-to-sparkle

I hope I am not forgetting anyone 🥺 if so I am deeply, deeply sorry and it's just my dumb brain being emotional making this post ❤️

[lildoodlecat]

🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to and publish them. then, send this ask to some of your favorite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨ (Hi Jay!!! It's been a while :3. I'm 16 now and on a quest to play the Xillia(s)~ As you can see, a certain soft medical school boi has quickly worked his way into my heart. I love Jude so much holy HECK he truly is just a lil guy 🥺)

5 songs ohboy.. in no specific order rn i'm gonna go with:

一花一劍 (One Flower, One Sword) by Li Xingyi — which is the,, sub theme song?? for the tgcf donghua slkdfjkld i continue to have many emotions over it AND the official video for it bc ue

白夜 ～True Light～by Shunishi Miyamoto — DN Angel opening! I actually watched the anime when I was a kid bc of this song lskdfjsk

忘羨 (WangXian) from the MDZS Audio Drama — this one is probably self-explanatory.. I think abt my silly little gays very frequently

Ball of Yarn by Cranbersher — one of my favorite lil instrumentals from this guy, made for bg music when he made a stop-motion puppet of Yarny from Unravel (gently pushes his channel toward you he makes so much cool stop-motion and Cranbersher's Guide to Stop-Motion is both interesting and may or may not become a plot-driven narrative with a highly-anticipated finale financed on kickstarter (of which i am a backer slkfdjldfj) to be released tentatively sometime next year :3)

Light Your Sword from Sword Art Online — sao unfortunately has a banger soundtrack and imma be real there's so many medleys reprises and remixes so i have no idea what the original version might be?? for this one bc Luminous Sword sounds similar (obviously) and I'm 90% there's a few more that have the same kinda thing going on so

ohh that took me a hot minute lskfjlsk anyway

(HI PAVV happy birthday!!! i thought it was this month but i wasn’t sure.. also i consistently forget you and my sister are the same age like she is maybe a week older than you?? wild how that happens. And yes!!! I've seen you creeping into Xillia on my dash :D!! Jude truly is just a lil guy I'm glad you like him <3)

[the-pale-goddess]

Dude if you hype me up anymore for the final installment of drunk lord au I think my brain will leak out of my ears. I CAN'T BE ANYMORE HYPED. I AM AT MAXIMUM HYPE. I MIGHT EXPLODE FROM ANTICIPATION. Please have mercy thank u.

KSGKSGSKSGKSBS LOVE YOU ❤️

But please, don’t explode, my dear ❤️ You’ll need this energy to survive the drama! That third snippet featuring Tobias will probably be the last sneak peek because I don’t want to reveal any spoilers, so no more teasing ksgskgskgs

I hope the wait will be worth all the stress and the conclusion to this AU will live up to its hype ✨ Thank you for sending this message, wish you could see my grin right now 🥰