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corazondebeskar-reads · 3 months

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no quiet on this earth

Joel Miller x f!reader

originally for Febuwhump 2024 Day 10 - killing in self defense | Febuwhump masterlist

words: 2.8k

summary: You and Joel run into hunters on patrol.

-- I'm a fucking menace, and this is Joel & reader from "you know you never stood a chance" (spoiler warning). BUT this can be read as a standalone. I just can't seem to help myself/let them go.

warnings: established relationship, jackson, patrol partners, hunters, Joel and reader both kill hunters, canon-typical violence, graphic descriptions of violence, lots of blood, oral (m receiving), p in v unprotected, creampie, feelings, guilt/trauma, trauma response, a little hurt and a LOT of comfort, Joel takes care of you, one (1) ass slap, pussy/clit spanking

dividers by @saradika-graphics

They had been waiting for you. Not the biggest group of hunters that’s come ‘round, but there hadn’t been any signs. It was supposed to be an easy half-day route.

It was also your first patrol with Joel.

You’re already off to a rough morning. He’s settled back into Out There Joel, gruff and tense, and you’re already feeling useless again even though you know you can handle it now.

You’re on horseback, you with a gentle brown mare that you’re a little irritated about. Penny is notoriously slow and usually used to teach people to ride. Tommy taught you to ride ages ago, but Joel fucking insisted.

“Ain’t havin’ you have to deal with a spooked horse our first time out.”

“Our first time. I’ve been out loads of times,” you grumbled. He leveled you with a look so stern that you rolled your eyes.

“Don’t start with your smart mouth,” he said. “Only way this works is—“

“If I do what I’m told. I got it. Same shit, different place.”

To say you’re pissed would be an understatement. You thought after all the shit you’ve been through that he’d trust you now. And you’ve gotten quite good with your revolver and halfway decent with the rifle.

Now, out here on the trail to the safe house, neither of you has said a word. Just like the good old days. Y’know. If they had been good.

You’re nearly there when they make their move. They don’t have guns, thank fuckin’ god, but there are five of them and two of you.

It becomes quickly clear that they want the horses. Joel makes quick work of the first hunter that lunges for him.

One comes at him from each side, and you’re too worried to notice the other two do the same to you.

One grabs the reins and the other tries to yank you from the saddle. Your boots are stuck, and they don’t seem to particularly care if they break your legs during the extraction.

You free your feet, boots left behind, and let the brick house of a man pull you down. He doesn’t care much about your landing, so when you hit the ground, you grapple for your revolver.

His partner yells, and he spins back to you, a huge fist aiming for your face. But it doesn’t connect, because your bullet does first.

He was close enough that it would have been near impossible to miss, which also meant that his stupid body landed on you, turning your clothes into a sponge for his blood.

Joel’s rampaged through the others by now and turns to take down the one trying to abscond with your horse.

But he doesn’t make the shot, because he freezes up when he sees you.

“Get the fucking horse,” you yell.

He swears and loads the rifle, one neat bullet into the head of the escaping hunter. He hadn’t fully mounted your mare yet, and his corpse crumples into the soft spring soil.

Joel whistles and Penny takes her fucking time to come back, giving him a very unimpressed look and shaking her mane.

He heaves the dead man off you. “Where?” he says sharply, eyes darting all over your body.

“Nowhere, Joel, I’m fine,” you say.

He’s already dropping to his knees, hands gripping and patting every inch of you before cradling your face. “You’re sure?”

“I mean, I think so. Unless I’m in shock, but I guess we’ll find out in a little bit.”

“Not funny, sweetheart,” he mutters, doing another check, slower this time and more thorough.

You let him. You feel kind of funny, dizzy almost, but mostly just… muted. Like the world around you is muffled and you’re suddenly hyper aware of how blood is turning tacky and your jeans are stiffening as it dries.

“Hey,” he snaps.

You’re pretty sure that means he was already talking to you, and when you look up and meet his eyes, they abandon their irritation for concern beneath furrowed brows.

“Sweetheart, listen to me,” he says, voice low and slow. It draws out the Texan twang and loops you in. “You’re okay. You’re safe. I’ve got you. You did what you had to do, okay?”

“Okay,” you echo, but the word sticks in your throat, tasting of copper.

“Say it.”

“I did what I had to do.”

You’ve done as he said, but he looks more worried for it.

“Alright, c’mon. I’m gettin’ you home.”

“But—“

“Rethink that, baby. I ain’t in the mood to argue.”

“But we were supposed to—“

“Yeah, and plans fuckin’ change. We’re going back. Tommy and I can come out and deal with the bodies later.”

He stands and pulls you up, though you follow willingly. You hover where you stand as he pulls a rope from his bag and tethers it to Penny’s lead.

“What’re you doing?”

“Want you on Oakley with me.”

“I can ride,” you snap. “I’m not fucking hurt.”

“I know,” Joel says. “But you’re gonna ride with me.”

“Don’t start this shit,” you say, mortified when your voice and hands are trembling. “I can handle myself.”

He spins around, fury written in the curl of his lip. “I fuckin’ know that! I don’t give a shit. You’re riding with me, end of fuckin’ discussion.”

You open your mouth, ready to bite back, but he seizes you by the shoulders and shakes you a little.

“Don’t you fuckin’ get it? It’s not about you,” he snarls. You’re crushed against him before you realize it’s an embrace. “You’re gonna fuckin’ ride up here, so I know you’re okay.”

“Oh,” you whisper, leaning into him. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” he says, but the fight is already leaving him. He presses a kiss to the top of your head before he lets go. “Now get on the damn horse before I put ya there myself.”

You think you deserve credit for only hesitating a little, tempted to see if he really would. But his jaw ticks and you heave yourself up onto Oakley. Joel swings himself behind you, caging you in as he takes the reins.

“You’re so fuckin’ stubborn,” he gripes.

“I learned it by watching you,” you say, voice pitched in mockery of the vague memory.

But instead of irritation, something akin to relief flashes across his face. “Yeah, s’that right?”

“Uh-huh.” Now that everything has calmed, you’re exhausted. He can tell because of course he can. He knows you too well.

“C’mon, lean back. I got ya. Not gonna let you fall.”

You don’t sleep, not really, but you fall into something between the light and dark. It’s blissfully absent of reality. You’re only aware of the soft sunshine, the sway of the horse, and Joel.

Joel, your Joel, is everything right now. All encompassing. You’re surrounded by his warmth and smoky musk, masking the chill and tang of the stains on your skin.

His heart seems to beat in time with Oakley’s hooves and the steady pace he encourages keeps you lulled in this safest place.

“Holy shit, what happened?” Carl asks at the gates, almost loud enough to knock you from your peace.

“Nothin’ too serious, she ain’t hurt,” Joel’s smooth tone settles you back down. “But do me a favor and get the horses back? Send Tommy my way in a while. I’m gonna take her home.”

Home. It sounds so nice. But you’re already there, you want to tell him. There’s nowhere you’d rather be than right here.

You must actually say it, because he chuckles. “Okay, sweetheart, but I can think of somewhere I’d rather be.”

It hurts a little before he leans in and murmurs in your ear.

“I’d rather be in a warm bath with ya. That sound better than stayin’ put?”

“Oh,” you say. “Yeah, you’re right. Way better idea.”

He makes good on his promise when you get home. While he draws the water, he peels your ruined clothes off and sits you on the bathroom counter to rinse the blood into the sink.

You sit very still with your eyes clenched shut as he cleans you.

“I know,” he murmurs. “First one’s the hardest.”

You can’t quite stopper the whimper.

“This is part of why I don’t like ya goin’ out there. I can’t protect you from this.” The admission costs him, but he seems to decide it’s worth it when you look up at him.

The tub isn’t really big enough for both of you, but he makes it work, long sprawling limbs propped up to make room for you against his chest. You lie on your side, both to make more room and to press your ear to his chest and listen to his strong, tender heart.

He holds you there, hand gentle on your head and the other around your shoulder until neither of you can pretend the water is comfortable still. More importantly, his cock’s been pressing against you for a little while now, and you’re unable to ignore it anymore.

You roll over on your stomach, legs bent a little funny to fit, but it’s the right angle to press a kiss to the fat mushroom head that you love so much.

“Sweetheart, you don’t need—”

But you just give him a look, because he knows better, he knows you’d never do anything you don’t want to. And he knows how often you crave it, how your throat aches for it.

He raises his hands in surrender. “I sure as hell ain’t gonna stop ya.”

With the convoluted seating arrangement, you’re able to swallow down his length, working your throat open in the way you’ve grown to know well. It’s a lot at once, but the way he groans is worth the effort.

You choke and gag a little, but neither of you are really bothered by it. Quite the opposite. And you’re grateful for the way the thoughts you don’t want to face are knocked from your brain each time he ruts deeper.

Too soon, though, he’s pulling you off, spit thick with precum stringing between him and your lips as you whine.

“C’mon, let’s get out. I gotta have more of you.”

You don’t dry off quite as much as you’d like, but you’re probably going to need to change the sheets anyway. He can’t be bothered to let you towel off properly, picking you up and setting you on the bed before crawling over your body.

He kisses you, ferocious but hesitant, and you trail your hands up his arms, basking in the way he encompasses you for the second time today. His soft, powerful body leaves no wiggle room, practically pinning you down with his bulk.

Except he’s holding himself up, tense. And the gentleness of his tongue and distinct lack of nipping teeth in his kiss is grating.

You turn your head to break apart. “Stop acting like I’m gonna fall apart.”

“I—”

“Oh, don’t even. It’s like you think I’m going to break if you touch me.”

“I didn’t want to make it feel like…”

“I know,” you say, softer. “But I want to feel you, Joel. I don’t want to feel the ghost of it… him. Please.”

“You wanna feel me, sweetheart? Want me to be a little rough with ya?”

“Unless you’re too tired. S’it past your bedtime, old man?”

He doesn’t fall for the taunt, but he pretends to, and you’re deeply grateful as he snarls and bites at your breast before licking and sucking at your nipple, taking it between his teeth and shaking a little.

“Oh, fuck,” you moan, hand tangling into his hair. He wears it a little shaggier these days, and you find you like it long. A lot.

“Think you can take it just like this?” he says around your other nipple. The hand that isn’t holding him up has reached down to his cock, rubbing it against your clit until you squirm, and then dragging it down your slit. “You’re fuckin’ soaked. I think you can take it.”

He doesn’t wait any longer than the first little nod of your head before he flicks his hips, parting you, forcing your body to make room for him. It takes a second thrust to push all the way in, and you cry out as he stuffs you full.

It hurts so good. It’s just the edge you need to feel awake again. The world is no less fuzzy but the haze is pleasurable and electric instead of the numb fog that refused to dissipate.

“That’s my girl,” he says.

It floods you with warmth. You think maybe the sappiness is leaking through, that he can see how stupidly in love you feel.

Or, you know, it’s actually leaking, since you’re apparently fucking crying. You can’t really begrudge yourself for it. It’s been a hell of a day.

“There you go,” he murmurs, the gentleness of his voice playing second to the harsh slap of his hips and the tight pinch of his fingers on your breasts. “Let it out, sweetheart. Let me help you.”

His pace, somehow, intensifies, the brutal snap of his cock blunt against the softest parts of you. He pushes your legs to your chest so he can shove his way in deeper, and smacks a harsh hand against your ass from his new vantage point.

He grips your hip with one hand and lets up on your tits, only to show no mercy to your clit. He skips over the gentle circles and soft strokes, instead pinching and tugging. He wrenches two orgasms from you before he eases off.

“Hold your pussy open for me,” he grunts.

You look at him with wide eyes. How can he still be finding ways to shock you with depravity? The two of you have to have fucked every which way, and yet. You slide a hand down but he shakes his head.

“Both of ‘em, baby. Nice and wide.”

Your cheeks are burning as he lifts up onto his knees, pushing your legs apart to watch as you spread your lips wide. For a moment, he’s mesmerized by the push and pull of his cock splitting you apart and the way it comes out a little slicker each time.

“Look at that,” he says, a smug smirk spreading. “Fuckin’ creamin’ all over me, sweetheart. Now hold still.”

Before you really process the order, still dying from how hot his filthy words are, he slaps your clit. You jerk and let go, crying out more in surprise than pain.

“Put your fuckin’ hands back,” he says, and you obey.

Your whole body is on fire, maybe. He brings his hand down sharply again and again, making you hold yourself spread wide for him to use as he pleases.

It doesn’t really surprise either of you when you come. He finally knocks your hands away from your cunt and leans back down over you, hips stammering sloppily.

“Can I—” he chokes out, and you’re nodding so hard it shakes your brain around. He digs his fingers into your hips. “C’mon, sweetheart, one more. Gimmie one more while I fill you up.”

He goes to reach for your clit, but it doesn’t matter. As soon as he starts twitching and pulsing inside you, you come, eyes rolling back and fingernails digging into his biceps.

When you’ve both settled, there’s something bright in his eyes, something wild and dangerous. He sinks his teeth into your collarbone and doesn’t pull out. His softening cock isn’t much smaller than it is erect, and he stays buried deep in you, eyes trailing over your face.

“What?” you say softly.

“I thought… thought I fuckin’ lost you today.” His voice is gruff but tight.

“You didn’t, Joel. M’right here.”

He kisses you, and it’s not gentle exactly, not like earlier, but it’s tender and demanding. His hands grip you and roam, not pursuing pleasure but just to have his fill of you, to feel your body warm and alive beneath him.

When he breaks away from your swollen lips, he presses a kiss to your forehead. “You did good. I don’t like it, but you did good. I’m not gonna ask you not to go out again, but—”

“I’m gonna ask Tommy if I can have a break,” you say, pursing your lips. “I’m not a coward, but I don’t know if I can do that again.” You’re burning again, but this time with shame.

“No one expects you to. It doesn’t mean you’re a coward. You’re tough, sweetheart. But y’ain’t a killer.”

“I am, though,” you whisper.

“Stop. Yes, you killed that man today. But you had to. It was him or you. You’re a survivor. But I’m going to make damn sure you don’t have to be anymore, alright? We’re safe here, now.”

You let out a ragged sigh and try to relax back into the pillow. “Okay,” you agree. You can tell he needs it. How scared he was.

At least for now, you’ll let him protect you from this.

*title from "Death For My Birthday" by Say Anything

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #jackson!joel #joel miller fic #the last of us fic #joel miller smut #the last of us smut #fic: you know you never stood a chance #fuck it we'll call this a surprise deleted scene lmao #febuwhump #febuwhump2024 #febuwhumpday10

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the-doomed-witch · 2 years

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✦ You’re An Idiot & I Love You

Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: After Thanos, you and Wanda quit the team to live a peaceful life together, trying to leave behind the trauma. (Read warnings)

Word Count: 4.0k

Author’s Note: hello here’s another fic, i’ve been working on it since almost a week :) i cannot stop listening to 305 by shawn mendes so i based the latter part of this fic on the song <3 the initial part is just a vent fic lmao. i’m thinking of writing a part two, but i don’t really know. my gif btw!

Warnings: 18+ MINORS+MEN DNI. traumatic past events, post-war trauma, flashbacks & nightmares, smut, thigh riding, fingering, praise kink, names (princess), a little angst, fluffy | best friends to lovers

Masterlist

YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED TO REPOST OR COPY MY WORK.

— ✦ —

You hit the pause button on your phone, look at the clouds and sigh. The park near your home is an amazing place to be, with all its flora, and a clearer view of the sky. Cities are so full of buildings, it’s almost impossible to see a clear sky outside the park anymore.

Whenever anxiety comes over, sitting on the park bench and listening to white noise helps you calm down. It also helps Wanda know where to take you when you aren’t at your best.

Sometimes she would hold your hand and sit next to you, listening to the same sound in a different pair of headphones. It’s truly therapeutic for both of you. The events of the past few years have been deeply disturbing for the entire team of Avengers. So you and Wanda decided to quit the team, and swore that both of you wouldn’t never exercise your powers again. Of course, there could be exceptional cases where the use of powers is ultimately the only way, but it’s mostly nothing to do with your simple lives.

Wanda goes to a therapist sometimes, and has offered you to try it out too, several times. You just deny with a simple shake of your head, and keep the topic aside. You’re happy to see her get better, settle her unsolved traumas, and accept Vision’s death.

“I knew you’d be here.” Wanda walks up to you, which is also the reason why you clicked the pause button. You give her a sincere smile, which she returns happily.

“Guess I’ve developed a little longing for this place. I can’t help but be here, I feel the safest here when you aren’t around.”

“Oh Y/N, you know I always come back home and always will. You’re my best friend, and the only one. I’m so happy that living together has worked out for the both of us.”

“So am I, Wands. I know I don’t have to run around the compound looking for you anymore.” Smiling with melancholy, you continue, “I miss bumping into our friends while doing that.”

She sighs deeply. There are memories of Vision in her mind, but they don’t feel like a dagger anymore. They are just bittersweet feelings for a star-crossed love. “Y/N, it’s been years since we left the team. Do you think they miss us? I wish we had parted with no hard feelings.”

“I think that it’s fine. It’s been years, nothing big has happened. And I hope it only stays this way. I don’t care if someone is still pissed off after so long, the war damaged us just as it did them, and we are still recovering.”

“But Y/N… you’re just refusing it all. There’s no point in being delusional. It’s affecting you, and your mental health in a really bad way.”

“I know but I cannot help it Wanda! I have had nothing before the Avengers, I don’t even know what I am grieving for. I haven’t had anyone to go home to since forever, and now that I have it, I wouldn’t change it for anything. Not even for friends who’d have hard feelings against me after I choose to live a life post-war.” You feel like you’ve spoken too much, because you feel like tearing up.

Wanda comes closer to you and hugs you tight. “Y/N, honey, it’s okay I’m right here.”

You sit there with her, since there’s nothing else you can do right now. For several minutes, none of you loosen the grip, too scared that either of you could turn to dust.

— ✦ —

On the way back home, you hold hands like little kids. Living with your best friend has got to be the best decision you’ve ever made. Feels like she holds a key to the corner of your heart that nobody has dared to discover.

“Hey, what are you thinking?” she moves closer and sits next to you on the couch.

“Nothing, just that you’re probably my favourite person in the whole world.”

“Stop being so cheesy and tell me the truth.”

“It is the truth. I love being with you Wanda, I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/N. Your existence lights up mine. I don’t want to leave you, ever.”

You give her a kiss on the cheek, and reply, “I will not leave you, ever.” After being through all the devastating events together, you’ve both developed quite a habit of sitting together in silence and thinking. Snapping out of the state, you go to your room to sleep. Or maybe just lay down. Wanda remains in the living room.

— ✦ —

It’s almost 4:30AM and you haven’t slept. Thoughts about Thanos, his army, your teammates, Natasha, and Tony come back. Illusions of blasts, gore and doom fill up your mind. Countless number of people have lost loved ones.

Maybe, just maybe, you could have done something to save your friends. Resentment and regret feel like two old friends who come to lay down next to you.

Wanda is in her room, you can sense her sleeping. It would be a good thing to have someone to talk to, but not that great if you’d have to wake her up. Eyes open, you go back to staring at the ceiling. Tears begin pooling in the corners of your eyes, ready to roll down any moment now.

Silently, you sniff away the mildest nightmare of the night.

— ✦ —

You sit at your desk a couple of hours later, and begin writing something that you don’t know. “Good morning. You're up early?” Wanda walks in. She’s still wearing her shorts and tank top. And she looks damn fine.

“Good morning. Also, what do you mean by ‘up’?” you reply back sarcastically.

“Oh well, don’t tell me you stayed up all night. Now come here, you desperately need a morning hug.”

“You’re a hundred and ten percent correct.”

You get up and go hug her closely. She rubs your back and whispers words of reassurance in your ear. You just hold her and smell her messy hair. You’re sure she used your shampoo but it only makes you want to hug her tighter. After letting go, you look at her face adoringly and tell her sincerely, “You look pretty. So pretty.” She blushes and pushes your shoulder lightly, as a friendly gesture.

“Stop teasing me! I haven’t even had my coffee yet. I’m gonna have to sound mad at you if you make fun of me right now.”

“You think I’m joking? You look fucking gorgeous. Not even kidding, I’d kiss you if we were toge-” You regain consciousness and regret saying anything at all. Should’ve told her I’m being satirical for no reason, you think.

“What was that you said?”

“Nothing.”

“No no, you said something. Say it.”

“Uhhhh that I was making fun of you for nothing. Go tie a bun or something.”

“Did you just say that you would kiss me?”

“What?! No!”

“Okay, if you say so. I don’t trust my ears anyway.” She simply walks out of the room with an air of smugness.

During breakfast, she asks you a question you never expected, but should’ve seen coming. “But like, let’s say hypothetically, would you kiss me if I asked you to?”

You almost choke on the toast. “Wanda, let me have my breakfast in peace. Please.”

“Another question, who would you kiss? Who is your type even? I’ve literally never seen you talk about this in almost over a decade of our friendship. Come on, Y/N, there’s got to be someone.”

“No Wanda, I don’t have a type. If someone is for me, they’re for me. There’s no one that I like right now.”

Her face grew serious and her smile faltered. “You know I can read your mind if I want to, don’t you?”

“I know that. I also know you wouldn’t break a promise to know about a possible date of mine or something.”

“Fine, you win.”

— ✦ —

You’ve been in the park almost all day again. But your mind has been thinking of something else today.

Why did I even say that at all? Would I even kiss her? Would she kiss me back at all? She probably still misses Vision. She literally loved him so much, they were perfect together. No, I shouldn’t even think of this. Especially when Wanda loved Vision so much, and probably still does. But then again it’s just ‘probably’. SHUT UP Y/N.

Screw this. I don’t want to kiss her at all. Never ever.

— ✦ —

“Well you came back quickly, I didn’t even have to come to the garden to bring you back. That’s new.”

“Yeah I guess?”

“Too tempted to kiss me, aren’t you honey?”

“Can you please stop with that Wanda? I don’t even know why I said that at all. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause awkwardness between us. But you’re kind of amplifying it and it’s making me uncomfortable. Can we just not do this? You simply looked gorgeous, that’s all. And I’m not the one to kiss someone just because of how they look. Just leave this.”

“Oh-uhm, okay Y/N. I’m sorry, let’s not make anything uncomfortable for either one of us.”

Wanda seemed deeply hurt by your evidently irritated reply. For a moment, she also felt terror-stricken. It was a side of you that she had seen, but never faced before.

“Thank you. Do you need some help with dinner?”

“Nah it’s almost ready. You might want to set up the table though.”

“Most certainly.”

— ✦ —

The following week is all the same. Everything is sort of normal. Morning comes, you have breakfast with Wanda, you go to the park, Wanda comes to pick you up in the evening, you both have dinner, go back to your own rooms, and you grieve.

A parcel arrives in the mail. It’s addressed to “Y/N Maximoff” and you’re quite unsure how that feels like. Wanda takes notice of it, but says nothing. You kind of wish she’d say something about it. Wanda makes mention of going back to her chores, but you ask her, “Don’t you want to know what’s in the box? I mean, they could’ve mistaken either one of our names.”

“Not really, you can go ahead and open it.”

It was a real bummer. You feel guilty about her attitude towards you. You know something is definitely off with Wanda. You sure have had fights and arguments with her before, but none of them have made her turn away like this. You keep the box aside and decide to open it once Wanda starts talking to you again.

I mean, we are talking but you know what I mean, you tell yourself. And find it stupid. However, the rest of the day continues.

You decide against going to the dear park today, considering how pissed off Wanda already seemed. There has got to be something which could make up her mood.

“Hey Wands, you wanna watch a sitcom? It’s been a while since we sat together to watch one.”

“No Y/N, you can watch it by yourself. I’ve got some work to do.”

And in the same way, she was successful at avoiding spending time with you through any other activity. She was mad at you. You had to clear things with her as soon as possible, before she could find a hundred more reasons to be mad at you.

By the time evening arrived, all the work should definitely have been done. You did not disturb Wanda during her online work even though you’d do that normally whenever you stayed at home.

“Wanda, I need to talk to you. Please stop walking around. You aren’t even listening to me! Just wait for a few minutes. Tell me what is wrong.” You hold her hand to hold her back from leaving.

She takes a deep breath and questions you, “Why do you think something is wrong? Besides, you are the one who did not go have her nerves calmed at a park today but I didn’t go around poking in your business. Leave my hand!”

“Hey, hey take it easy. Wanda, your face literally says “I am pissed off but I want you to guess what it is about” and since I honestly cannot figure it out so I’m simply asking you. If you don’t want to tell me then nevermind. Whatever it is, I am sorry.”

“I don’t want your apologies, keep them with you. And you can go do whatever the hell you want, I don't feel like talking to you right now. Also yes, I am pissed off.” Wanda’s voice slowly rises with every word she speaks, and a little discussion transforms into a heated argument.

“Fine, if that’s what you want. I won’t talk to you and I’m not even going to speak a word around you. You can say au revoir to my voice because I’m not gonna say anything. Night!”

“Yeah, as if I wanna hear you talk. I’m tired of it anyways. Night!”

Both of you have gone to bed without having dinner. And your mind is playing with you again. Flashbacks of not only the greatest war, but also your biggest fight with your best friend till now. You can hear her words echo in your mind.

“Yeah as if I wanna hear you talk. I’m tired of it anyways.”

“You can go do whatever the hell you want.”

“Leave my hand.”

In all these years, you have never heard her asking you to stop holding her hand. It was too heartbreaking to even imagine it.

— ✦ —

Wanda doesn’t talk to you the following day. Or the one after. Or the next. No calling you for the meal, no coming to pick you up from the park, nothing. You feel like you have had enough, so you approach her directly.

“So, do you want me to move out or something?”

“No Y/N.”

“Then speak your mind Wanda, I don’t even know what’s going on.”

“‘Speak your mind’ you say? Okay, here goes nothing.”

Without hesitation, she places her hand on the back of your neck and pulls you closer. For a moment, she stares into your eyes, and then kisses you deeply. You’re feeling both surprised, and satisfied. She closes her eyes to just feel you, and you place your hands in her hair. Her lips leave a trail as they move down to your neck, you tilt your head upwards to grant her all the access she would need. Wanda bites your skin and you let out a rough moan, driving her completely crazy.

That’s when you realise. Your best friend is marking your neck and you have no idea what’s going on. You gently motion for her to stop, which, reluctantly, she complies with.

“What?”

She clearly wants to go back to the moment, so she breathlessly asks you in return, “What?”

“Wanda.”

“Y/N.” She looks at you with a grin and pecks your lips again. “Alright, fine, let me explain.”

“Yes please, because as much as I love it, I’m still clueless.”

“I just have one question, now that you know, would you ever kiss me?”

Your cheeks redden up at her question. You avoid eye contact, gulp, and reply, “If you want then yes.”

She probably wants to growl and bang her head against the wall. “WHY DON’T YOU TELL ME HOW YOU FUCKING FEEL ABOUT ME?! CAN’T YOU SEE?!”

“See what Wanda?”

“Oh my God I cannot believe this. You are an idiot and I love you so fucking much.”

“Wa-”

“Don’t you dare say another word, I hate you! You’re just acting-” You shut her up by kissing her intensely, and again, and again, and yet again.

After pulling yourself away, you need some fresh air. So you sit on the couch, and beckon Wanda to follow. As soon as you’re sat, she decides to sit on your thigh, facing you. She slips her hands inside your t-shirt and seeks your permission, “Can I?” You smile and nod back at her, giving her consent.

She unhooks your bra, and cups your breasts in her hands each. Gently, she begins stimulating them. Your shoulders relax as she helps you feel lighter. You shut your eyes as Wanda gets you all worked up.

Suddenly, she pulls out her hands. You open your eyes and frown, uncertain about what happened. Wanda rubs herself against your thigh, making you moan by feeling her wetness. “Take off your shirt.” She directs you. You do as asked, and she’s met with the sight of your bare upper body. She immediately dives in to lick and play with your nipples, as you close your eyes again. Quite occasionally, you managed to say the same two coherent words; “Oh Wanda…”

She loves seeing you this way. It’s been years since she saw you relieve your stress. She hovers on your top, and connects her lips with your lips once again.

After a long heavy make out session, you decide to consider her wetness still lingering on your thigh. Grabbing her by the hips, you guide her for a pace. She’s in her yellow cotton shorts, and probably wouldn’t mind ruining them even more for you. Her moans get louder and louder till she finally says, “Y/N I’m gonna-”

“Yes honey, do it.” was all it needed for the knot in her stomach to release as she made a mess on your thigh. You slip two fingers within her heat to help her ride it out slowly. You mutter small praises to help her stabilise herself after her climax. Words like “You’re such a good girl” and “You did so well, princess” clearly had an effect on her. When you’re done and you pull out your hand from her dripping cunt, you let Wanda have a seat beside you.

She keeps on breathing heavily, but then looks at the sight of you licking your fingers clean. It was irrestitable for her, she had to pull you into a deep kiss. It was evident — she loved kissing you, whether it was a cute peck, a make out session, or just her catching her breath.

“Let me return the favour detka.” She requests you. You feel like it isn’t really necessary, but you don’t feel like breaking the moment so you let her do it. She pulls down your shorts, and begins teasing you over the panties with her fingers. You arch your back and groan, “Wanda please don’t-” So she bends and kisses your clothed core once before helping you strip off.

Slowly, she pushes in a finger, then adds another one. You spontaneously grasp her shoulders, which perturbs her. So she withdraws her fingers and looks at you tenderly and asks, “Y/N, are you really okay with this?”

“It’s just that… it’s been so long since I have…”

“Hey, I understand. If you want me to stop I can stop right away. You are always my first priority.”

“No, I want this Wanda. Everything feels so right, after so long.”

She slowly kisses you again, and this time not leaving out a single space she hasn’t discovered yet. Before you could do anything, she filled your intimacy with her fingers yet again. It’s an agonisingly slow pace, and it makes you shudder underneath her. “You look so gorgeous Y/N. You’re the most beautiful person I know, inside and out.” You can only breathe heavily in response because you’re (i) speechless, (ii) cuntful.

Gradually, she picks up the speed for you. Echoes of your pants and screams fill the room, and Wanda is enjoying every single bit of it. Soon enough, you were ready for your release. You try to warn her, but she understands your signal and whispers gently, “Come for your princess, Y/N.” It was all you needed to make a mess all over her fingers. She rides you through it as your elevated heartbeat goes back to normal.

She watches you with affection, and moments later you return Wanda’s gaze. She sits beside you again, and you both are in a familiar comfortable silence all over again. You decide to break it and bring up the previous conversation, “So… I guess I love you too? You’re the idiot by the way.”

“What do you mean that you guess? If you want to play the game then don’t forget you’re the naked one here and I can tease you really bad.”

“Oh really princess?” You wink at her and shift closer to her. She wraps her arm around you and says, “Let’s get a little cleaned up. I’m feeling a little hungry.”

You innocently ask her, “What do you want to eat?” but her mind is already running towards the wrong places. She swallows and replies, “A cup of green tea would do for me right now, would you like one?” You shake your head in the positive and get up.

— ✦ —

You two sit on the balcony to have the green tea. It’s late at night and the city is asleep. Your mind stares at the dark sky, still not quite visible because of the buildings. Wanda looks towards you the same time you look at her, she’s smiling. “Look at the moon Y/N!” She points towards it. Your gaze stays fixed on Wanda.

“I am looking at her. She’s breathtaking.”

— ✦ —

The following morning was enchanting as ever. You wake in Wanda’s arms, who is already lying awake next to you, waiting for you. “Good morning detka,” she whispers, “I hope you had a nice sleep.”

Morning laziness takes over you, so you hug her tightly and hum. She giggles and rubs your back with her hand, indicating for you to not doze off again. You groan, “I feel like I've slept after years, probably the first time ever.”

“It’s because you are sleeping for the first time in years. I love seeing you like this, but you need to wake up lyubov.”

“Fine, but you have to answer my question.”

“Go ahead.”

“What were you mad about, yesterday and before that?”

She hides her face behind your shoulder. “It’s stupid.” You hold her chin softly and tilt her head so she’s facing you. She sighs.

“Fine. I just didn’t realise how badly I’ve ever wanted to kiss you until you accidentally said that you’d kiss me if we were together. I’ve never been around someone who I could sit together with, listening to some white noise, and feel at home with. Hell, I’ve never been with anyone who could tell me they love me with my morning face. And then you backed off by acting all I-would-never-kiss-you so I was just a little pissed off. I’m sorry. You see, it’s stupid.”

“It isn’t, you’re just an idiot in love with another idiot. Also, don’t you dare say anything about your morning face. Your freckles, your faded accent, your natural hair - my goodness Wanda, I’d seriously kiss you if we were together.” You place little pecks all over her face, making her chuckle. “I love you Wanda.”

“And I love you Y/N.”

You hear the doorbell ring out of the blue. Against your will, you had to get up and open the door. There’s the mail for the day - a few bills, and a small box, addressed to “Y/N Maximoff” again.

You call Wanda outside the room. When she comes next to you, you ask her, “This is the second box. What do you think it is?” She arches her eyebrows suspiciously and takes the box away from you to keep it next to the bowl of keys. “We can find that out later.” she says before kissing your neck.

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x reader #wanda x y/n #wanda x you #mcu wanda #wanda x fem!reader #wanda smut #scarlet witch #scarlet witch x y/n #scarlet witch x you #scarlet witch x reader

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kukuandkookie · 2 months

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People keep claiming Chinese BL manhua really only have stories featuring toxic male leads, so I offered to give recommendations with green flags... Someone finally said yes, so here's what I typed up in response!:

I Ship My Rival x Me:

One of my personal favourites!

Based on the hilarious novel, commonly known as I Ship My Adversary x Me and also has an audio drama adaptation on MaoEr FM. Basically a story about two actors who are seen as complete rivals by everyone except the actors themselves, which annoys the main character (Wei Yanzi) enough that when he discovers there are actual fans who ship them instead of pit them against one another, he’s so excited he sort of starts shipping them too (in like, an abstract, theoretical manner lmao). This of course causes shenanigans as he actually gets to know the person who people ship him with/pit him against, Gu Yiliang.

Gu Yiliang is a true sweetheart and the greenest of green flags. He’s a complete puppy and I love him. And this means, naturally, the only misunderstandings in this story are of the hilarious kind (you’ll know what I mean if you read it lol). 😂

This one actually used to be available officially in English on the Bilibili manhua’s international app before it got shut down, but it recently got picked up by Seven Seas, the company behind a lot of official English translations of danmei (Chinese BL)!

Touch Your World:

A literally colour-blind boy (as in, he cannot see colour at all and only sees things in black and white) discovers someone who he can see colour on. This person is a designer who has suffered past betrayal and trauma that has caused him to shut himself up and grow much more on edge, but this chance meeting draws both parties out of their shells.

Pixiu’s Eatery, No Way Out:

Not a green flag top in the traditional sense, but here we meet the mythical Pixiu: an ancient Chinese mythical creature who now runs a restaurant. While he’s a penny-pincher with a temper and he doesn’t get along with his love interest at first (a ghost named Wen Xi who he finds suspicious due to Wen Xi’s ties to a past rival of his named Taotie), Pixiu and Wen Xi eventually grow, quite naturally—and hilariously!—into a found family.

The Wife Is First:

Based on a novel of pretty much the same name (and is written by the same author as the popular manhua and donghua, No Doubt in Us (a heterosexual body-swap romance, which also has a subtle gay side ship)). Here we meet Jing Shao just as he’s about to lose everything: once a royal and a powerful general, he has been betrayed by all those around him…except the husband he has never treated well.

As such, when we first meet him, we actually witness his—and his husband’s—deaths. But then he awakens and finds himself back in time to the night right after he was forced to wed this husband of his, and Jing Shao vows to treat him well from now on because he stuck with him through thick and thin despite everything.

Don’t Say You Love Me:

A high school romance with a supernatural twist: Lin Yutong was confessed to by his best friend, Qin Weiyun, at their graduation party. When he drunkenly freaked out and ran away, Qin Weiyun was hit by a car during the chase…

Devastated by his loss, Lin Yutong quickly wakes up to find himself back at the start of his high school journey, right before he meets Qin Weiyun… And this time, he wants to keep Qin Weiyun safe.

But his overly familiar attitude at first gets the wary Qin Weiyun a tad suspicious, because he’s actually quite an aloof person.

The author and artist of this one is also behind another popular manhua titled Your Dream Is Delicious, which is about a demon named Yi Kui who discovers he enjoys eating the nightmares of Lin You. This eventually leads to them—you guessed it—falling in love.

It’s Not That I Want to Wear Women’s Clothing:

Our main character is hired to crossdress to help this CEO get over his gynophobia (fear of touching women) without him knowing. Naturally, this leads to an awkward romantic journey of both identities of our main character getting close to this CEO…who at first glance seems like the typical cold and aloof CEO type, except he’s actually quite a sweetheart.

Salt Friend:

A slice-of-life high school story about the “school bully” named Tong Yang who’s actually a crybaby and the aloof person named Xiao Zhen who discovers him crying. While the two don’t seem like they’d get along at first glance, this quickly becomes a friends-to-lovers story that navigates family drama alongside the romance.

How’d I Get a Heroine’s Script?:

A transmigration story with a twist. Chao Yi is wheelchair-bound but finds himself eventually as a young lord in what is basically a palace drama (court politics, intrigue, family drama, all that good stuff). His System, Qin Que, tasks him with wooing the difficult 7th prince, Gu Yunheng, who smiles on the surface but is quite cold in actuality.

Despite the two getting off on the wrong foot—mostly because Gu Yunheng is really hard to get close to—they soon end up as unlikely allies…especially since there’s a lot of secrets, such as regarding the death of the body Chao Yi’s occupying, the scheming princes, and even Gu Yunheng himself.

See You My King:

Zhang Li, a student interested in what is basically ancient Egypt, goes on an expedition to the ruined civilization and nearly loses his life. Except at the same time, he discovers an ancient tomb with a statue that actually comes to life and saves him…

And this statue even follows him home. This statue is sweet and loving despite its inability to speak, and Zhang Li grows attached to it (or him)… But then the statue falls apart and Zhang Li is devastated.

In wishing for a miracle to bring them back together, the statue’s stone heart sends Zhang Li back in time…to when this ancient civilization is still present. And that’s how he discovers his stone statue is the “tyrant king” of this region, and as cruel as he seems at first glance, both this king and Zhang Li eventually grow close and unfold the different sides to one another that makes them inseparable in the face of all kinds of threats.

Trapping the Foxy Doctor:

A doctor and a psychiatrist meet…except it doesn’t seem like a perfect love story at first glance. Not because the doctor is traditionally foxy (seductive and/or cunning), but because he’s so silly and on-the-nose that he initially kind of rubs the psychiatrist the wrong way. Except, of course, with the kind of sunny sincerity displayed by our doctor Zhi Banyi, you can’t resist him for long…

And the psychiatrist, Lin Li, is himself quite a polite soul despite his complex upbringing. As such, the two end up together through a series of cases where they have to collaborate and help clients, with a lot of shenanigans sprinkled in between (including the fact Lin Li has a side-job live-streaming as a woman—and “she” just so happens to be Zhi Banyi’s favourite streamer lol).

Pirouette Into My Heart aka Salad Days:

You know the “he was a skater boy and she did ballet” kind of set-up? Well here we have a boxer and a ballet dancer…and hey, “can I make it any more obvious”?

This one is basically a feel-good story of the century. It’s childhood friends to lovers, and it’s soft and cuddly and encouraging, as we follow the main character, Jiang Shen, in achieving his ballet dreams. And on every step of the way, he’s accompanied by the boxer Bai Jinyi, who’s also chasing his own dreams.

The draw of this one is that while there’s obviously conflict to drive the plot along, it’s ultimately a comforting story, so you get all warm and squishy inside reading it. Bai Jinyi and Jiang Shen are very supportive of one another, as is everyone around them.

There’s even extras at the very end that swap the classes of the two main characters, which makes for a similarly compelling AU. 🤭

Beryl and Sapphire:

Not always BL but often is. What do I mean by that? Well it’s a story that can switch to any universe even as the characters stay the same, and some worlds are just one-off gags while some are whole story arcs. The original manhua features stick figures, so if you really want to experience this one, I’d recommend the donghua. The first season also cleverly shows the main characters as actors in the OP, which explains all the world-switching pretty easily haha.

Don’t Pick Up Boyfriends from the Trash Bin:

Unfortunately I’m not sure the manhua for this one is still ongoing, but the original novel (all about transmigration and hopping multiple worlds) 100% features a green flag top.

The Guy Inside Me:

I know the title sounds sexual lol but it’s actually a joke about how it’s a body-swap story. 😆

The original Chinese title is “This Question Is Too Difficult”) and of course, the author also wrote Fake Slackers, which has two very smart students act like terrible ones due to not wanting trouble.

Falling to Where I Belong:

The thing about this one is that the top is 100% a total green flag... It's the main character that's more of a red flag, in the sense he at first only asks the top out to humiliate him due to a misunderstanding.

But it's still a heartfelt story filled with regret and growth, and I did really like the portrayal of Cheng Feichi. Personally I think the manhua humanizes him a bit more than the novel since we didn't really get his POV in the novel that often, but I did hope for even more emotion in the ending... Still, it was a satisfying read, and while I would like to comfort the main character, Zhen Yeming, over his regrets, I really want to just give all the good things to Cheng Feichi, who definitely deserves it after everything he went through.

More Than Brothers:

For the "non-freaks" out there, they're not actual brothers, don’t worry; not adopted brothers either. Just a guy who saw his younger friend as his bro…until this friend disappeared from his life and apparently got into a bad crowd… Except in reality he is being harassed and is struggling to leave his abusive family.

The Protagonist Just Wants to Fall in Love:

Kind of a classic in the transmigration genre, except now we get multiple worlds in multiple arcs. Our protagonists are Systems on their final mission, aiming to become human by the end of it, and their task is to guide their protagonists away from the path of "darkening" (essentially corruption).

And each and every one of these systems do so by getting their protagonist to fall in love with them lol.

Unsurprisingly, my favourite arc so far—in the manhua at least!—is the historical one between the advisor and the emperor, but the third—and currently ongoing as the time of me writing this—world between two university students who started getting close during military training and by playing games is also quite cute.

And okay, man I could really keep going, especially with the manhua that are based on novels, but this post is already really long asjakfl. It was, in fact, so fucking long YouTube wouldn't even let me post it at first until I cut it down AMFKGSJDFGS.

But I still want to at least give a shout out to some of the manhua with pretty healthy, green flag tops/gongs!:

Like Han Yuan, despite the characters not getting along at first and Yu Han being rather aloof to the spoiled Luo Linyuan, is still quite sweet at its core. Lovely Allergen is as well, even with their "brotherly" relationship being the forefront of the conflict between Song Yu and Yue Zishi.

Another kind I wanted to bring up is the ones where their worlds or stories are dark, but the characters aren't necessarily. Like The Film Emperor, He Insisted on Being My Patron has a very green flag gong (he's such a puppy!), but he and the main character are up against the reddest of red flags of a villain LMDFKGSJFD.

It's also not a manhua I think people who want green flag leads would necessarily enjoy, given that beyond being "darker," it also goes into the territory of fan service-y and "problematic" nsfw content, but again, the male lead is really quite sweet to the main character despite the shitty situation they're in.

And I thought of Bu Chonghua from Tunhai aka Swallowing the Seas (another one based on a novel), since the main character there, Wu Yu, comes to see Bu Chonghua as so good and just that he pushes him away because he feels like he can't dirty such a man with his own darkness, both in his past and personality. It's a trope I really enjoy.

I'll briefly mention some ⚠️ spoilers ⚠️but the reason I wanted to highlight it is because: the latest chapter of the manhua has Bu Chonghua overhear Wu Yu saying he likes Bu Chonghua, and this is after Wu Yu disappeared and Bu Chonghua is worried he skipped town for good. He follows Wu Yu, all while wondering if the like Wu Yu holds for him is the same as his liking of Wu Yu, and when Wu Yu is about to be gravely injured in an underground fighting ring, Bu Chonghua steps in to save him... The chapter ends with Wu Yu holding him back pleading with him to stop because it's not worth dirtying his hands with such a man as his opponent, and that's such a delicious flavour of angst because like...Wu Yu thinks it's fine for he himself to fight against such a person, but he doesn't want Bu Chonghua to. ;-;

Oops. I didn't mean for this to become a deeper ramble of Tunhai KMSGFKGHSJ. It's just interesting to me since Tunhai and its prequel, Poyun aka Breaking Through the Clouds, may not have what the people who prefer green flag tops want in terms of content, but its tops are technically not that much of a red flag either.

Which also get us to the kind of stories where plot can also sort of outweigh whether a top/gong is a green flag or not. Like No Arguing With Mr. Mo has two characters who struggle greatly in their relationship, with the question of "are they in love?" being an overarching issue for them, meaning it's not exactly healthy, and prevents them from being fully either green or red flags.

I also didn't bring up a lot of historical/xianxia manhua, which I'm sure some people may disagree with... Like the leads in Tianbao Fuyao Lu are arguably quite good, and while I haven't read Dinghai Fusheng Lu yet, I assume it's in a similar boat as something set in the same world.

And then there's the ones that develop into green flags... Like Mo Ran starts off awful, yes, but he does become much better later on!! But I don't think that's what those people after green flags want to hear lol. Plus I'd argue Erha is best experienced in novel (or audio drama) form over the manhua anyway—the manhua feels more like something made for established fans in my opinion.

Regardless, I hope this shows that with so many listed above, many manhua actually feature male leads who really do care for their love interests in a healthy, respectful way, whether they're 100% green flags or they develop into green flags or they're not even complete green flags. ^^

Edit: Oh I forgot to link my full list of danmei/baihe manhua recs HMSKFJSKS. I currently don’t have any summaries, tags, or content warnings in this list though, but there’s quite the range of stories!:

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the-ace-with-spades · 10 months

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Concept: Christopher only realizes how serious of a trauma the tsunami was when he's already almost finishing high school.

I know in the show he's got nightmares about the tsunami but I couldn't help notice how the nightmares are more about Shannon dying in the tsunami than the tsunami itself, which is understandable given that his mom's death was sudden and probably unexplained to him beyond 'there was an accident'. So his brain was probably struggling to process that she's not coming back ever again, like she did when he asked for her to be back on Christmas.

The nightmares aren't about him or even about Buck. Kids' brains can be weird about trauma.

(Skippable context: When I was seven, my dad and I had a car accident. The car behind us skidded on black ice when we were on a river bridge, hit us and we hit another car that swiveled down the hill into the river and then we also hit the balustrade hard enough the front of our car was dangling out. The people in front of us died in the water. We were moved back onto the road by the firefighters after about half an hour, with my dad staring at that river the whole time.

I didn't remember it like that at all, only learned the above from the firefighter who had checked me out on the scene and remembered me years later when my dad set the hedge on fire and the same station answered the call, literally said 'I didn't cut you out of that car so you could set the whole village on fire' to my dad. I only remembered my dad telling me if I wait patiently in the car, he's going to get me McDonald's tomorrow and asking me what I'd written in the letter to Santa (which 6yo me refused to say because it was a list for Santa only) and the firefighter teddy bear Stefan I got from the mentioned firefighter. I literally went on with my life like nothing happened. Like, my dad's leg had stitches but he said it was alright because 'scars are cool', and I literally begged my mum so she'd let me go to school the next day so I wouldn't miss the clay day and then in the evening called out my dad for not taking me for my promised Happy Meal. No nightmares, no fears of bridges, cars or rivers. I didn't even connect that the new car wasn't there because my dad got bored of the last one like he said, but because the old one was totaled.)

So what if Chris only realized how serious the tsunami was years and years later when, idk, they were writing personal statements for college applications and 'the day that changed your life' question comes up and everyone has some either traumatizing or motivational examples but he doesn't know how to answer. And one of his friends says, "Weren't you caught in the tsunami with your dad?" (which, by that point Buck and Eddie are married and he calls Buck pops). And his automatic, absent-minded answer is, "Yeah, but that wasn't a big deal."

And everyone just stares. Because he said surviving a tsunami wasn't a big deal.

Chris knows where they're coming from because if someone told him they survived a tsunami, he wouldn't dismiss them and tell them it's not a big deal.

And obviously, he vaguely remembers asking Buck where all the water went and he remembers that the run Buck did with him in his arms after that was kind of funny and then the water hit.

But he doesn't remember the water hitting him or destroying stuff on its way, just remembers Buck telling him to keep swimming and that he's got him. And the next thing he remembers, they're on the fire truck and Buck is helping people and Chris felt so proud for helping by watching the ropes (which, now he knows was a distraction, duh) and then he remembers Buck just telling him to wait patiently and then playing I Spy and it was kind of fun again and Buck was hugging him and just, it was nice, a bit unusual, but kinda felt like they were just sitting on abuela's back porch, but wet.

Even when he fell into the water again, he wasn't that scared because he heard Buck jumping after him and he was sure he'd get to him in a minute or so. And then the water retrieved and some nice lady helped him and he was still kind of fine because he knew Buck would find him and then they could go to the aquarium like Buck promised early in the day. In fact, the process of looking for Buck was the only time he remembers feeling scared - because he was thinking, what if Buck doesn't find him before Dad comes back after work to pick him up? Dad is going to be mad at Buck if they aren't there.

He just never clocked in how close to dying he was, or how close to dying Buck was.

And that day he comes back from school and asks Eddie if he can tell him what happened during the tsunami because he remembers it differently than he probably should. Eddie gets really quiet and tells him, "I don't know. I never asked Buck for details. All that mattered to me was that the two of you were in one piece."

In the time it takes for Buck to get back home, he rationalizes that maybe it wasn't a big deal to Buck either, he was a firefighter, he probably dealt with enough of that stuff to not really be that affected, and maybe it was just different for both of them.

But then he asks Buck if he can tell him about the tsunami and Buck gets really quiet and pale and finally says, "It was the worst day of my life."

#buddie #christopher diaz #evan buck buckley #eddie diaz #911 fox #i gave you some of my life lore here sorry #q #op #charlie writes

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the-cookie-of-doom · 1 month

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split/kid! Kim AU as promised 😘

send me an ask and I'll tell you about one of these WIPs!

I haven't thought about this fic in so long I forgot it even existed, but I added it to the list just for you <3

In this fic, through ~magical handwaving~, Kim's younger self is split from his adult self. It was meant to only cut out his memories/trauma (bc Kim will turn to magic before therapy), but oops! Turns out all those memories became a whole person! So now there's a ~13 year old knife-wielding Kim running around the compound, and adult KimChay have no idea. The significance of that age is that's how old Kim was the first time he killed someone, and he sees that as the thing that ruined him as a person. So if he can get rid of the part of himself that decided to be a murderer, maybe he can become a better man for Chay. Spoiler, that's not how it works.

The whole idea behind the fic is Kim learning to forgive himself for the things he had to do to survive. It's a lot harder to blame yourself for life going wrong when you have to look that frightened child in the eyes and tell him everything is his fault. Kid Kim is also a darling, and the brother feels make me weep.

Chay’s phone is ringing on the nightstand. He reaches blindly for it, preoccupied with Kim’s mouth on his own. “Ignore it,” Kim murmurs, giving Chay’s bottom lip a chastising little bite. He’s half on top of Chay, both of them naked, hands wandering, and well on their way to a second round. Kim is making a very compelling argument, but… “It’s hia,” Chay says, and finally grasps his phone, hitting “accept” on the second to last ring. Kim huffs at him and starts pressing warm kisses along his jaw instead. “Hello?” “Chay,” Porsche greets jovially. “Question for you. Why is your boyfriend a child?” “... He isn’t?” Chay looks down at Kim, now mouthing at his collarbone, just to make sure. And yep, still the same twenty-three year old he’s been for the last four months. “I’m literally staring at him, and he is.” “I’m literally naked with him, and he isn’t. I think I would have noticed.” Porsche snorts on the other end of the line. Kim looks up at him curiously, his tongue tracing wet circles around a nipple. Chay tugs his hair to make him stop but it only encourages him to bite. “Want to tell me why you think Kim is a child, hia?” “I’m a what?” Kim asks, his voice low and rough and dripping with judgment. “Has your brother lost his mind?” “See for yourself.” Seconds later Chay gets a text alert. He pulls up the messages, and nearly drops his phone when he sees the picture that loads. There, sitting beside Kinn, wearing obviously borrowed clothes and the stormiest scowl Chay has ever seen, is Kim. Unmistakably, irrefutably Kim. Chay, left gaping and unable to speak, turns his phone around to show his lover. “... Hm.” “What the fuck?” Chay whispers. Then, “Porsche, I’ve got to go. We’re on our way.” He ends the call. “You’re not surprised. Why are you not surprised?” “I’m surprised.” “Really? Because you sounded like I just told you the road flooded in monsoon season.” Chay pushes himself up to his elbows, dislodging Kim. “What gives? What did you do?” “Why do you think I did something?” “Because there’s two of you!” “... I didn’t do anything that would have done that.” “But you did do something.” Silence. Kim refuses to meet his eyes. “Kim.” “It wasn’t anything bad! I just… Look, don’t be mad, okay?” Chay takes a deep breath, and then another. They’ve been together for two years now. They’ve seen each other through a lot. Chay can confidently say they’ve reached a place where Chay would forgive him for anything, because he trusts Kim not to do anything unforgivable. “Tell me what happened, then we can figure out what’s going on,” Chay says. “I might have… gotten rid of… my memories. Of my childhood.” “... What?” Kim squirms. He pulls the blankets up higher, suddenly vulnerable in his nudity. At least he doesn’t try to run away. “You’re always telling me to go to therapy. I thought I could go straight to the source, cut it out, then,” he takes a shuddering breath, “then I would be okay.” “Kim, you can’t—that’s not how it works.” Kim shrinks in on himself. Chay doesn’t let him hide, drawing Kim into his arms when he tries, clutching him close. “That’s—that’s half your life! And it’s just, what, gone?” “I thought it would be. Guess not. I promise I didn’t know this would happen.” “And you were just going to hide this from me?” Kim shrugs. Chay’s heart clenches wondering how long Kim could have gotten away with it. He never talks about his childhood as it is, like he’s already locked that part of himself away. “When do your memories start, then?” “When I was thirteen, I think.” “Why that age?” “That was the first time I killed a man.” Kim squeezes his arms around Chay’s middle, hiding away in his shoulders. Quietly, he adds, “That’s what broke me.” The day he lost his innocence, Chay thinks. He stopped being a child when he took his first life. Except he doesn’t believe that for a second. Trauma isn’t what makes someone an adult; Chay would know. Kim was still so young, and he must have been terrified. Alone.

#cookie writes #kimchay #i love this fic so much #and Kim ends up taking such good care of his child self #they cuddle after little kim has a nightmare etc.#but also little Kim and Chay are the cutest things ever #chay is like yay it's like a free little brother! im not the baby anymore!#and little Kim has the CUTEST crush on him #he's so excited when he finds out adult kim is dating chay

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canonicallyobserving911 · 4 months

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“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 21 is now available on AO3.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Currently 21 chapters completed: 797.3K Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

___________

Here's a snippet from one of Buck's and Eddie's romantically fluffy conversations included in Chapter 21.

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Without ending their embrace, Buck turns around in his arms and once they’re face to face, he says, “I’m going to miss you”.

“I’m going to miss you too.” He replies then he leans in and kisses him.

It’s a long, deep and slow kiss that he hopes will remain imprinted in the front of his mind until they see each other again in more than 56 hours.

They only break it when they need to come up for air and after they do, they lean their foreheads against each other’s with their lips only millimeters apart.

“I love you!” Eddie emphatically admits.

“I love you too with every piece of me!”

“We only have 5 more days until we leave for Europe and 7 more days until we get married.”

“And I can’t wait.” Buck replies then he kisses his fiancé once more because he can. When he pulls back, he looks into Eddie’s honey brown eyes and exclaims, “Babe, since we’ll only be in the states for a few more days… I—I want us to enjoy them. I don’t want to think about anything but us getting ready to leave L.A. so we can focus on us getting married.”

He smiles and nods. “I love that idea. Let’s focus solely on our trip and leave whatever happened in the last few weeks right here in Los Angeles, CA.”

___________

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago. They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial. But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories. Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie. It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-21 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #The Diaz Family #buddie fanfic #911 fanfic #ao3 fanfic #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #Hiatus Reading #911 abc #911 on abc #buddie wip #“I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”#Chapter 21 is now available on AO3

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across-violet-skies · 4 months

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Febuwhump day 1: helpless

Whumpee: Legend

Whump Rating: 5/10

TWs: panic attacks, being forced to face trauma

The second he stepped through the portal, Legend knew he was in trouble.

He had been dropped in Wind’s world, on an island, thankfully, and not the sea. Unfortunately for him, the island wasn’t exactly capable of housing their group of nine. It was just a long strip of rock, interrupted by the occasional pillar. There wasn’t any plant life in sight. There was no way they could stay here.

As the rest of their group passed through the portal behind him, Legend immediately took on the defensive. He scowled, crossing his arms and wrinkling his nose while he waited for everyone else to come to the same conclusion he had.

Wind’s grin was bright as he looked around. “My world!” His smile dimmed only slightly as he hummed to himself. “We’ll have to get off this island, though… I’ll call Tetra!”

The sailor already had his strange rock necklace out by the time Legend spoke up. “I’m not getting on a boat,” he insisted, turning his nose up.

“...What?” Wind shook his head, frowning. “We can’t stay here, we have to sail!”

Time held a hand out, sighing. “Sailor, contact Tetra.”

Wind saluted playfully, nodding once. “Aye-aye!”

“Veteran.” Time turned toward him slowly, unamused. “When the boat gets here, we’re getting on and sailing to a better island. This rock isn’t big enough for all of us.”

Legend scowled, gritting his teeth. “Like hell it isn’t!” (It wasn’t). “We can stay here just fine!” (They couldn’t).

The Old Man pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling. “We’re leaving as soon as we can. I don’t want to argue about this.”

“Tetra’s on her way!” Wind announced excitedly. “And there’s nothing to worry about! Tetra’s boat is one of the best around; it’s perfectly safe!” The sailor grinned, elbowing Legend.

The Vet stepped back, almost growling at this point. “I am not worried,” he hissed, narrowing his eyes. “I just don’t think we have to leave this island. It’s a waste of our time.”

“Staying here is a waste of time!” Wind argued, frowning. “And I want to see Aryll! It’s not often we get to be here, and we always go to see Ravio when we’re in your world!” He shoved a finger into Legend’s chest, forcefully enough to make the Veteran stumble.

“Wind, enough!” Warriors stepped in, scolding the younger hero. He glanced between Wind and Legend, brows furrowed. “What’s the problem?”

“Legend’s refusing to get on Tetra’s boat!”

The Veteran bared his teeth, nose scrunching with the movement. “I do not partake in sailing or boating of any kind,” he reminded, practically seething. “And I absolutely will not get on a boat!”

Legend kept feeding his fire, hoping that his explosive anger would keep everyone from seeing the real reason he refused to sail.

Fear.

Ever since Koholint, Legend had been unable to even be near the ocean, let alone sail on it. He had managed to work through some of it with time (and thank Hylia for that, because it was hard to avoid oceans during this adventure), but boats were still very much out of the question for him.

The Captain sighed, shaking his head. “So what, then, are you just going to stay here and starve to death while the rest of us have Grandma’s soup for dinner?”

Wind hit Warriors in the stomach, huffing. “She’s my grandma, not yours!”

Legend scowled, fully prepared to go head-to-head with the Captain. There was no way in hell he was getting on a boat. Absolutely no way.

“Hey!” Wind’s shout caught the attention of the rest of the group, all eight of them looking at the sailor with confusion. “Tetra!” He pointed out to sea, where, if Legend squinted, he could indeed see the outline of a ship. His heart rate picked up at the sight of the large, hulking pirate ship, painfully aware that his time was running out.

Legend didn’t often feel helpless, but in this moment it was difficult to feel otherwise. The fast-approaching ship felt like a time bomb, and his heart was the ticker.

The Captain crossed his arms, nodding in approval. “She got here quick,” he commented, humming.

“She must’ve been nearby,” Wind mused, shrugging. “But it doesn’t matter. We’ve got a ship!”

Time rounded up all the stragglers (Hyrule and Wild, mostly), bringing them all closer together. “Does everyone have their stuff?”

Despite the chorus of affirmatives brushing past Legend’s ears, he didn’t hear any of it. He heard the blood rushing in his ears like waves upon a sandy shore, the distant tune sung by a voice too good to be true. It all materialized before his eyes– Legend saw the rough seas in the thick of a thunderstorm, rolling and tossing as he struggled to cling to his tiny raft. His sail blustered in the horrid winds, and as he looked to the sky, he gasped, bracing himself for impact-

“-Legend!” Hyrule’s voice was the one to drag him out of it, small, calloused hands gripping his shoulders, shaking him roughly.

The Veteran gasped, neck and shoulders tensing as he quickly pushed Hyrule away, eyes wide. The traveler looked hurt for a brief second before the worry came back. As Legend glanced around, he realized they were all looking at him with varying degrees of concern and confusion.

“Breathe,” Twilight reminded, frowning.

Legend frowned. Breathe? He was breathing! He was- oh, he wasn’t breathing.

He wasn’t breathing.

Mind still overrun with panic, Legend desperately scratched at his chest with the notion that it would help him to breathe. He fell to his knees, gasping as he scraped at his throat. His lungs finally gave in, but each breath was short and almost wheezy, desperation and panic fully in control now.

It was Hyrule who snapped him out of it– for the second time now. The traveler kneeled beside him, wrapping Legend in a loose hug. “Breathe, just breathe. You’re okay, everything’s okay. Nothing bad is gonna happen, I promise,” he whispered, holding the Veteran close. “We’re all here with you. It’s gonna be okay.”

Legend choked out a breath that sounded almost like a sob, resting his forehead against Hyrule’s shoulder with a shudder. His hands dropped to his lap, trembling from the ferocity of his fear. Hyrule kept whispering words of comfort to the Vet until his breathing was calmer and steady, albeit a little shaky. The traveler was the only one who knew anything about Legend’s adventure on Koholint, and even he wasn’t filled in on most of the details. What Hyrule did know, however, was that Legend had been sailing when the whole thing started, and it was this adventure that made the Veteran the most bitter.

“Um…” Wind looked uneasy, glancing between the pair on the ground and the fast-approaching ship. “Tetra’s almost here, should we…”

“It’s okay,” Hyrule answered quickly, interrupting. He leaned in closer to Legend so that his words would only be audible to the Vet. “We have to get on the ship.” Legend shook his head. “We have to. But Wind said it wouldn’t be far, and once we get to Outset we don’t have to go anywhere else. Even if the others decide to sail somewhere else, you and I can stay on land. Is that okay?”

Legend gripped Hyrule’s tunic, grabbing fistfuls of the fabric. “I don’t want to get on a boat.”

“I know,” the traveler murmured. “But we have to. They’re right; we can’t stay here.”

“...Don’t make me get on a boat,” Legend whispered, so quiet even Hyrule barely heard him. “Please don’t make me.”

Hyrule frowned, sighing. “It’ll be okay. I’m sure we could wait in the bottom of the ship if that would be better,” he offered. “But we really do have to go. I’d be happy to stay with you the whole time, and it doesn’t look like there’ll be any storms.”

Legend tensed at the mention of storms, shuddering. He looked up at Hyrule miserably, searching for any sign of a lie in the traveler’s soft brown eyes. He found none, so despite the fear eagerly gnawing through his heart, he agreed. “...Okay.”

Hyrule lit up, eyes wide. “Really?” He smiled, squeezing Legend’s upper arm as he stood up. “Thank you.”

Ignoring the stares from the others, Legend allowed Hyrule to help him up, holding on to the traveler’s hand for comfort. Despite the way his heart hammered in his chest at the sight of the large ship, Legend held strong, facing his fears head-on. He was their Veteran, for Hylia’s sake– he could handle sailing. He wasn’t alone this time– he had his predecessor for support as well as the rest of his brothers. And this was a real ship– it would take a lot more than a storm to take it down.

A lightning strike would probably do the trick, though.

It was different. It was fine. He wouldn’t get caught in a storm and locked away in a dream this time. Probably.

The ship slowed to a stop, a ladder tossed out to them. Wind climbed up first, then Wild followed, and soon enough everyone was on the ship except for Hyrule and Legend.

The traveler smiled encouragingly, nodding. With a deep breath, Legend released Hyrule’s hand, climbing the rungs of the ladder with ease. He reached the top, pausing as he looked down. Hyrule was right below him, still smiling.

Legend took another breath, exhaling slowly. He could do this.

He hoisted himself up onto the ship, immediately gripping onto the side as the waves swayed them gently. He closed his eyes, startled when a gentle hand rested on his shoulder.

Hyrule beamed at him, bright and sunny despite the overcast sky. He held out a hand. “Wanna go sit in the downstairs of the ship? Tetra said ‘Niko’ will watch out for us, whoever that is.”

Legend sighed, accepting the traveler’s hand with a ghost of a smile. “Yeah. Let’s do that.”

–> support me on ao3!

#febuwhump #febuwhump 2024 #febuwhumpday1 #tw panic attack #tw trauma #linked universe #lu legend #lu hyrule #downfall duo #lu wind #lu chain #linked universe fanfic #ao3 #riv writes

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magicshopaholic · 11 months

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Other People (Seokjin x OC)

Summary: You learn a new trick, while Seokjin discovers something unexpected at Big Hit.

Pairing: Seokjin x OC

Genre: Best friends; angst

Word count: 8.5 K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: language, alcohol, mention of diets, mentions of brain surgery, mentions of a car accident (again, Nari is a surgeon, so)

A/N: This got unnecessarily long; I would apologise for it, but I couldn't find a single thing I wanted to delete. It's also two am so I've made an executive decision to not proofread this. I wish I could predict the reaction to this fic but I honestly have no idea. Takes place approximately three months after The Test.

Tagging: @bbl32 @quarter-life-crisis2 @dreaming-with-happiness @meirkive @faearchives @margopinkerton @purpleseoul7 @kflixnet (italics could not be tagged; drop a message if you want to be added)

Listen to: "don't know why" by norah jones

seokjin masterlist | main masterlist

It’s cold and rainy in Seoul, even when it shouldn’t be.

The day had started off as a nice sunny winter morning in November, the sun a soft golden, a welcome respite from the low temperature. As noon arrived, so did the clouds. By late afternoon, they were grey and ample, sealing the city in a coffin.

Now, the evening doesn’t look at all like it’s continued from the same morning. The rain comes down in torrents, creating a constant din, loud enough for people to have to speak in slightly raised voices to be heard properly.

Nari stands outside the ER with a coffee in one hand and her phone in the other, waiting for the ambulance to arrive. The coffee is losing its heat with every passing second and she tries to gulp it down as fast as she can without burning her tongue in the process.

“What do we have?” Daeun appears from behind her, tying her hair into a ponytail, trauma gown already on.

“Two cars crashed into each other outside the mall,” supplies Nari. “Five victims, multiple contusions, broken bones and at least one head trauma. Coffee?”

Daeun accepts the cup with a nod and takes a noisy sip. “Ah, that’s good stuff. Shit, the rain is bad. I don’t think this will be our only car accident today.”

“Not even close,” mutters Nari, as two more fellow doctors join them. “I just hope we have the room.”

“We don’t,” says Jason, shifting from one foot to another. “Two of the trauma rooms are still unusable from the pipe leakage and the most of the X-ray machines are done after the Wednesday Soccer Team Incident. We have exactly one CT machine in working condition. The hospital is going to have to scrape money off the sidewalk to pay for all those repairs,” he adds, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Good thing they’re hosting a fundraiser then,” says Daeun dryly, just as the ambulance pulls in and the paramedics spill out. “A bunch of rich donors with their cheque books hanging out of their pockets - if that doesn’t work, I don’t know what will.”

Two patients, strapped to a gurney each are then lowered out of the ambulance. All four of them dash forward and tag themselves to a patient, hurrying inside as they listen to the paramedics rattle off their initial assessment and vitals on the field. Nari finds herself next to a woman, possibly in her thirties, with fresh cuts on her face and arms. Her t-shirt is drenched and her jacket has been ripped off, most likely by the paramedics themselves.

“Abdomen is tender so there might be internal bleeding,” says one of the paramedics. “There was no fire but there’s indication that she might have a swollen airway because of the fumes.”

“Alright, we need to get a CT,” says Nari, scanning the ER for an empty trauma room but finding none. “Damn it,” she mutters. “Okay, we’re going to have to keep her here - maybe we can use an ultrasound for now until we can move her.”

“Empty bed over here.” Jason steers the gurney over and immediately hooks the patient up to an IV. “I’ll get the portable ultrasound.”

“I’ll check her airway.” Nari gets to work immediately, trying to intubate the patient, who seems to have passed out entirely. She’s almost done when Jason returns, a nurse and the portable ultrasound machine in tow.

“This better work,” he mutters to her as the nurse begins positioning the patient correctly. “If we can’t find the bleed on this, we’re going to have to get in line for CT, which will take… hours.”

“Here’s hoping,” she agrees, standing back and observing the screen as he moves the transducer over the patient’s abdomen. She sighs and bites her lip when the image comes up clean. “Nothing. Move it to the left?”

Jason obliges, clicking his tongue. “I can’t believe the hospital doesn’t have a budget set aside to fix this stuff. This is a hospital,” he repeats, sounding appropriately frustrated. “Damn it, this bleed is really small. It’s barely showing up on the scan.”

“It has to be there. Here, let me try,” she offers, taking the transducer from him and moving it slower along the woman’s torso. “Do we all have to actually go to this fundraising thing, though? Can’t we skip?”

Jason scoffs. “It’s either dress up and smile at a bunch of rich people or stay here in the ER all night because all the attendings will be at the event. We’re not going to get a night off. The best we can do is make sure we’re all there so we at least have someone to talk to.”

It takes a second to click. “Shit, that’s it.”

“What is? Did you find the bleed?”

“What? No. Sorry,” she mutters, going back to the ultrasound, feeling an encouraging flutter in her stomach. I didn’t find the bleed, she thinks apologetically. I found a segue.

—

It’s hours later when Nari finally gets a moment alone. Sitting at a table in the residents’ locker room, a sandwich in one hand and her phone in the other, she stares at her last chat with Seokjin. It’s a depressing series of heys and what’s ups and not muches, which is all it’s been for months now, ever since they’d last seen each other in August.

It started with superficial questions and forced conversation, half-hearted plans to meet before he had to leave for Europe again, until they dwindled down to monosyllabic answers that Nari found herself too humiliated to keep going, for more than one reason.

For one, it didn’t help her newfound insecurity of being a clingy friend, especially to a man who had made perfectly clear that he didn’t see her as anything but a friend. On top of that, she had no way of knowing what he was thinking. He wasn’t angry; she knew what Seokjin was like when he was angry and if he truly was, she would know.

No, he wasn’t angry. He was… distant. Part of it could’ve been that he was busy, completing an entire promotional activity across Europe. But now that he’s back from their last stop in Japan, Nari knows that they have to get back on track. Being her date to a fundraiser isn’t her top pick, but it might just be the right balance between an organized event where he can’t ignore her and a public enough place that they won’t have to be alone at any point. Besides, if it doesn’t happen now, between his stint in Europe and his tour beginning early next year, she has a sinking feeling that their relationship will stagnate right here.

She swallows, her heart racing slightly. It’s the middle of the night; Seokjin is most likely asleep, which gives her a great excuse to text and not call.

Nari [01:11]

Hey.

She sends it before she loses her nerve, the soft whoosh sounding awfully final. Her stomach tugs uncomfortably with anxiety that she’s only recently started to associate with Seokjin, a strange and new feeling of not being able to expect what’s coming.

She continues staring dementedly at the phone, its screen dark, until she finishes the entire sandwich.

“It’s the middle of the fucking night, Nari,” she mutters to herself, standing up with a groan and stretching. There’s no point wasting her night worrying when she’s probably not going to get a response until tomorrow. She changes out of her scrubs and runs a hand through her unwashed hair, counting herself lucky that she can get a good six hours of sleep before she has to return in the morning.

The rain has slowed to a drizzle now; despite the cold, Nari tilts her head to the sky slightly, welcoming the fresh air. She runs her hands through her hair again, feeling the droplets cooling her scalp as her hair falls around her shoulders in clumpy strands. She doesn’t even make it past the entrance when she feels the unmistakable vibration of her phone in her bag, touching her hip.

Nari freezes. This is unprecedented; Seokjin is never awake this late. Fishing out her phone, she lets out a low breath when she sees a message from him. She can ignore it, to be sure, and deal with it tomorrow morning - but then she would come off as a coward.

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s ridiculously late, maybe it’s the fact that she just spent a better part of the evening fixing a bleed in a person’s abdomen - but the inner voice in her head simply sighs tiredly and goes it’s just Seokjin, prompting her to shake her head and open his message.

Kimbap [01:35]

Hey.

It’s anticlimactic, for sure, but still unexpected. Nari takes a seat on a bench near the parking lot and wipes the droplets off her screen with the sleeve of her jacket, hoping this isn’t going to be another one of their pointless conversations.

But he replied, didn’t he?

He did. Even though it’s the middle of the night. Encouraged, she responds.

Nari [01:39]

Didn’t expect you to be awake.

Kimbap [01:40]

We’re watching a movie at the dorm.

Nari [01:40]

Oh. Which one?

Kimbap [01:41]

Hereditary. I hate it.

Nari [01:41]

Jesus. Then why are you still watching it?

Kimbap [01:41]

There’s a bet and Jungkook is involved. It’s a long story.

Nari’s immediate response of I have time gets backspaced instantly. The honest truth is that she doesn’t have time and he clearly doesn’t want to talk about it. She can’t be sure how well a joke will land right now but she also knows that she needs to respond fast or this is doomed to be another one of their hopeless attempts at a conversation.

All of a sudden, her phone rings and Nari almost drops it. It’s Seokjin, his name blinking bright on the screen. Now fully panicking - because this was not part of the plan - Nari looks around wildly around the empty parking lot, as though hoping for someone to spring out of the bushes and tell her what to do.

The phone is still ringing. Before she realises what’s happening, her thumb does an awkward sort of spasm and lands on the screen, answering the call.

Here goes nothing, she thinks. “Um, h-hello?” she stutters.

“Hey.”

It’s like a football being kicked into her ribcage from the inside. Nari winces, wondering when her anxiety got this severe, to the point where her best friend’s voice is starting to cause her physical comfort. She leans back on the bench and tries to breathe slowly.

“Aren’t you, um, watching a movie?”

“Yeah. But if I’m on the phone, I have a decent excuse to get out of it.”

Oh. Nari feels her shoulders deflate. “Glad to be of help,” she murmurs, chuckling awkwardly. “How - how are you? Are you in Seoul?”

“Yeah, I am. Busy, though,” he adds quickly. “The album’s coming out in a week, so there’s a lot of work going on for it.”

“Right. Of course. How’s that going?”

“It’s fine. Hectic, as per usual. What about you?” he asks after a moment. “How’s the hospital, and the… surgeries and stuff?”

“Same. I mean, hectic. As usual.” Nari closes her eyes and feels her heart sink at the sheer effort this conversation is taking. She can’t begin to think about how they got here and it seems way too exhausting to even try.

“You sound tired.” Seokjin pauses, the sentence sounding incomplete. “Have you - I mean, are you still at the hospital?”

“Going home now. I just got a sandwich at the cafeteria,” she adds, hoping she’s guessed his half-question right.

“Now? I thought you hated the night cafeteria.”

“I do, but it beats the vending machine crap. Have to make do when the jajjangmyeon isn’t an option,” she jokes, bracing herself for his response.

But all he does is chuckle half-heartedly. “Yeah. What’s up? You texted?”

“Oh, right. Yeah.” Nari had barely worked up the nerve to text him about the fundraiser; asking him over the phone was a whole different ball game. “I was just thinking…” She trails off, her eyes widening as her vocal chords stay unwilling to go further.

“M-hm?”

Pull yourself together, woman.

“I was thinking that… we haven’t hung out in a while,” she ventures bravely, her knee jerking up and down. “And there’s a - there’s a thing later this week, so… that could be… you know.” She swallows, wishing Jason hadn’t put this stupid idea in her head in the first place. “... If you want,” she finishes lamely.

Seokjin is silent for a few seconds, during which Nari goes from anticipation to full-blown horror. “I’m sorry, are you - are you inviting me to something?” he asks, sounding confused.

“Um, kind of?”

“Like a party?”

“Well, no. Not a fun one,” she says wryly. “It’s a - there’s a fundraiser. And I have to go and… yeah, I was wondering if maybe you do, too. Since we haven’t hung out in a while.”

“Fundraiser, huh?” He doesn’t sound enthused at all. “Like, for charity? Wait, who’s the charity?”

“We are the charity,” she explains, rolling her eyes. “The hospital. Which means it’s just going to be all board members and senior doctors and other board members - and us. The residents.”

“Huh. Way to make it sound appealing, Nari.”

“It’s not appealing, at all. But it’s free food and booze and I get a chance to get out of my scrubs,” she points out. “Nice dress, straightened hair. And you’ll have to wear a suit,” she adds apologetically.

“Right.” There’s a soft sound and Nari realises a moment later that he’s laughing quietly. It makes her stomach feel uncomfortably heavy.

“What?” she asks, a bit defensively.

“Nothing,” he says, still chuckling. “We haven’t hung out in a while, so your idea was to do so at a… boring work event?”

Nari is quiet for a moment. The fact that he laughed is still prickling. “Well, I’d be open to other suggestions but you haven’t really had the time,” she can’t resist saying. “I work long hours; I don’t really get a lot of other opportunities to go out.”

“Yeah, Nari, I work long hours, too,” he reminds her, sounding irritatingly calm. “But if it’s either that or a hospital charity fundraising event filled with doctors… I think I’ll pick the long hours.” He chuckles again.

You’re a fucking idiot, Nari.

“Got it. See you around, Seokjin.”

“Nari, come on, I was joking -”

His words get cut off when she hangs up, fuming. She puts her phone on silent then, for good measure, and begins storming home in the cold. She won’t respond to any of his calls or messages tonight, the arse, she thinks. But fate must be on her side, for even after she gets home, changes and gets into bed, Seokjin doesn’t call or message.

—

Seokjin reaches the Big Hit building earlier than required. There’s no one in the rehearsal room yet, not even Hoseok, so he decides to get a much needed shot of caffeine from the cafeteria on the fourteenth floor. As he waits in line, he scans the food menu, each item like a gourmet creation.

Have to make do when the jajjangmyeon isn’t an option.

Seokjin sighs and tries not to think about what Nari had for dinner last night, but by the time his coffee is handed to him, he knows he’s a goner. It had taken him every ounce of restraint to not reach out to her again last night, knowing that no good would come of it. But now, in the light of day, he knows he can’t avoid it any longer.

He calls her before he can talk himself out of it. Looking out at the city from the floor-to-ceiling windows and sipping his coffee, he hears her phone ring continuously until it goes to voicemail. He tries not to read too much into it; she’s probably already at work and she rarely answers unless she’s taking a break. It’s better than the other option; the feeling of Nari being angry with him is too foreign for him to consider right now.

He dials her number again to be certain and when it once again goes to voicemail, he clears his throat and takes another sip of coffee for liquid courage.

“Hey, Nari,” he begins, then sighs. “Look, I’m sorry if I was a bit of a dick last night. You just caught me off guard. Honestly, I… I didn’t think you really wanted to hang out with me so when you said you did, it just kind of threw me. And your event does sound boring,” he adds, hoping she hears the teasing in his voice, “but I’ll be there anyway. Suit and everything. I want to hang out with you, too,” he says after a moment, knowing the words don’t even begin to explain the magnitude of how much he wants to see her again, how hard it’s been to distance himself since the last time he saw her. “So… yeah. Text me the details.”

He should be saying something more but he can’t think what. As he looks around, hoping the words will come to him, he spots a figure just outside the cafeteria doors and does a double take. His mind runs through a myriad of memories to zero in on the right one, when he remembers he’s still on the phone.

“Anyway, I have to go. Bye.” Locking his phone and heading out towards the figure, Seokjin pushes his shoulders back and hopes he isn’t wrong. She’s in a slim navy blazer, skinny jeans and very high heels, a sleek laptop tucked under one arm and her fingers flying across the keypad of a Blackberry.

He taps her shoulder with a feather-light touch. “Um, hi? I think I have something that belongs to you?”

When she turns around, face carefully blank, Seokjin is momentarily sure of two things: one, that she is exactly who he thought she was, and two, that her lack of expression can only mean that she doesn’t remember him.

“You do?” A moment later, her perfectly lined lips tilt upwards slightly. “That’s right. What was it again?”

“Um…” Seokjin licks his lips, glad that he didn’t just go up to a random stranger and interrupt her in the middle of what seems to be a very long email. “I think it was a collectible of some kind? Very glamorous. Had a name on the inside?”

Her smile widens. “Do you remember what it was?”

Seokjin gulps but keeps his face still. “Of course. It was… Seulgi.” The relief at her nod is unexpected. “You think I’d forget the person that saved my hand that night? How would I ever hold a mic otherwise? My career might have been over!”

Seulgi laugh, a nice, low laugh. Her teeth are perfectly lined and perfectly white, shining against light bronze skin without a single pore. Her hair is long, straight and black, not a strand out of place. She looks like she belongs on a pamphlet for corporate employees.

Which reminds him.

“Do you - do you actually work here?” he asks. “In Big Hit?”

“Yeah,” she answers, looking only very slightly apologetic. “I thought I recognised you that night as well but I couldn’t be sure. I only just moved to the Marketing team. Sorry.”

“Uh, no, don’t be.” Seokjiin shakes his head. “It’s good to see you. And now I can return the wrist brace to you, too! This is great.”

“I mean, you don’t have to. I told you, I have a bunch of them,” she reminds him, raising her left hand slightly. From under the sleeve of her blazer, a navy blue brace, just like the purple one she’d lent him, peaks out.

“No, no, I should,” he says anyway, shaking his head and glancing at the clock on his phone. There’s a message on his notification tray… “It’s back in my…” He wracks his brain, “... uh, flight. Which I took. The day after you lent me the brace.” He drops his face in his hands when she laughs again, low and husky.

“It’s really okay,” she says, touching his arm before taking a step back. “I actually do have a lot of them. And maybe they’ll help out some other poor soul who’s hurt his wrist.”

“That’s the hope,” he agrees, knowing his ears are reddening. “Man, I really wish I’d known you worked here. I would’ve… I don’t know. Broken the news about losing your brace sooner, for starters.”

“The loss would’ve been easier,” she agrees.

Seokjin bites his lip, preparing to let the awkwardness wash over him but it doesn’t. Seulgi’s warm, despite her appearance suggesting she’s about to walk into a room and fire a dozen people.

“I feel really guilty, though,” he repeats after a moment. “Can I - I don’t know… buy you a coffee? It’s no collector’s edition wrist brace, but still?”

“Oh, that actually sounds good,” she replies, and for a moment his heart skips a beat of relief, “but the line seems long and I have a meeting.” She holds her Blackberry up apologetically.

For the first time, Seokjin notices a Galaxy in her other hand – a personal cell and a work cell. She’s core corporate, he realises, possibly senior management. He doesn’t know why, but it’s slightly intimidating.

“Oh. Oh, okay. Sure.” He nods as she moves past him. “It was good to see you, though.”

“Yeah, you, too. Glad your wrist is better.” With a quick wave, she heads down the corridor and disappears from view.

Seokjin watches her leave, still cringing somewhat over the wrist brace he hasn’t thought about in months. She’d been the only person that night he’d had a normal conversation with - somehow, this doesn’t seem like the best way to show his gratitude.

It’s time to head for practice, anyway. As he steps into the elevator, he opens his messages and breathes a sigh of relief.

Nari [09:14]

[Location]

Nari [09:14]

Friday, 7 pm

—

It’s hours later when they’re finally done with practice. All seven of them, a choreographer and a couple camerapersons are the only ones left. Jimin and Jungkook are still standing, going over their portion of the choreography as Hoseok watches, even though they look like they might collapse any second. Taehyung is spread-eagled on the floor, his bowl hat on his face. Yoongi is sitting in one corner of the room, staring into nothing.

Seokjin feels too tired to move, every single muscle aching. He leans back against the mirror and tries to catch his breath. Next to him, Namjoon is lying on the floor and texting. Seokjin catches a couple of words and immediately looks away; It seems to be in English, so it’s a fairly easy guess who the other person is.

“Any plans tonight, hyung?” Yoongi trudges over and tumbles down on his other side, crossing his legs.

“Not a one,” answers Seokjin. “In fact, I don’t think I’ll be getting out of bed for a while so if you need anything, I’ll respond to you in two to five business days.”

“You need to be at the studio tomorrow morning.”

There’s a pause. “Fine, but apart from that,” he amends, wagging his finger in Yoongi’s face, “two to five business days.”

“There’s also the interview on Friday.”

“Damn it, Yoongi,” groans Seokjin, glaring at him. “Fine, but that’s the last one. I have plans to vegetate all weekend in my apartment,” he informs him, knowing that there’s no way he'll get the entire weekend off, but needing to put across the point, “so just… don’t ruin it for me.” He watches Yoongi make a motion that might be a chuckle and rolls his eyes. “And besides, the interview is on Thursday. So my weekend begins on Friday.”

“The interview is on Friday,” says Yoongi calmly.

“No, it’s not. It’s Thursday. The twenty-fourth.”

“Thursday is the twenty-third.”

“No,” repeats Seokjin, feeling his pulse start to race, “it - it was always on Thursday.”

“No, it’s Friday,” pipes up Namjoon from his other side, not looking away from his phone.

And thus, Seokjin is left to spend the rest of the day in a growing pit of guilt, knowing that he’s going to have to disappoint Nari yet again - this time, completely unintentionally.

Her hesitation last night had not gone unnoticed by him. It was hard to hear but equally hard to respond to, and Seokjin half-hoped that she would find it too hard to go through with actually inviting him somewhere and drop the idea altogether.

But she persisted and while it made Seokjin profusely glad that she still cared, it also meant that he would have to find a way to face her after avoiding her for months.

It doesn’t feel nearly as easy as it sounds, for Seokjin has absolutely no idea what to expect when it comes to Nari now. Part of him still feels guilty for lying to her the day after the wedding; her question had taken him completely off guard and lying about his feelings was the only way he’d been able to think of to avoid the situation getting worse.

It was a mess already but somehow, twenty-four hours later, it was So Much Worse. Somehow, Nari had come to him with a problem he couldn’t ignore. Somehow, he suddenly had to reevaluate his entire life with her in it, and somehow, in less than a day, his short-lived future with Nari as the mother of his child and best friend for life had been created and shattered.

It was hard to think of, and so much harder to talk to Nari about. Seokjin had been on the verge, dozens of times, of just breaking the ice and chatting with his best friend while he sat in cold European towns and watched Taehyung get his heart broken over and over again by Dilara Komyshan.

At least we’re not that bad yet, he’d tried to tell himself. He wanted to tell her, too, that they weren’t that bad, that they were okay, that he just needed some time. But the thought of confessing his surreal daydream, of irretrievably changing their friendship felt like too much of a responsibility - especially if she didn’t respond well. Avoiding her sucked, but it beat being around her with nothing to say.

Still, saying no to her outright, when she’d asked him point blank to accompany him to something was too hard. The fundraiser thing did sound boring, but he wanted to see her, too, so badly. It felt like a missing limb, not being able to talk to her.

Nice dress, straightened hair. And he would have to be in a suit. He shudders when he remembers what happened the last time she was in a nice dress and he was in a suit.

“Namjoon.” Seokjin jogs over to the leader as they’re heading out of the building to their cars in the basement. “About this press conference on Friday.”

“Yeah?”

Seokjin hesitates, already sensing a no-nonsense mood. It hasn’t been the best day for Namjoon; the choreography was a complicated one, he was having to negotiate schedules all day, and if he’s not mistaken, he and Kaya have definitely been having some disagreement all day.

“About this press conference on Thursday -”

“Friday.”

“- I was - yes, Friday -” Seokjin clears his throat. “How important would you say it is for all of us to show up, on a scale of one to… Grammys?”

Namjoon stares. “At least VMAs.”

Seokjin nods seriously, even though it doesn’t help him in the least. “Okay,” he says, changing tacks, “how long do you think it’ll go on?”

“Uh, I don’t know.” Namjoon sighs, scrolling through some document on his phone. “It should be done by six, but there’s a sponsors’ dinner after that - but that won’t be filmed so maybe we can leave early… of course, we’ll need to let management know so they have an exit plan…” He shakes his head and continues muttering under his breath.

“Okay, sure,” interrupts Seokjin, sensing that Namjoon is starting to lose the plot. “But what time do you think the event will actually end? Because I have to be somewhere else.”

“Where?”

“Uh… a thing. With Nari,” he adds shortly. To his relief, Namjoon simply raises his eyebrows but doesn’t probe.

“I - I don’t know, hyung,” he says, not sounding apologetic at all. It’s definitely a fight with Kaya. “We won’t know until we get there. Depends on the sponsors. If it helps, it’s happening right here, in this building.”

It does help, a bit, for the location is closer to the Big Hit building than the hospital is. Still, it could be better.

“Look, I just need to tell Nari if I can make it or not,” he says, no longer beating around the bush. “I don’t want to make her a promise I can’t keep.”

Namjoon licks his lips slowly and nods. “I think you’ve been in this business long enough to know the answer to that, hyung,” he says cryptically, patting his shoulder and walking away.

“What the hell does that mean?” Seokjin demands, but Namjoon just shrugs and continues walking away.

He does know what it means, though. But you’re a coward, Kim Seokjin, says the voice inside his head, sounding like Nari’s, as he prepares to text her later that night rather than call, knowing (and somewhat hoping) that she’ll be too busy to answer right away.

Seokjin [20:11]

I have some not so great news.

To his horror, she replies almost immediately.

Nari [20:13]

Bring it.

Seokjin [20:13]

Promise you won’t get mad?

Nari [20:14]

I’m two beers and a tequila shot down. This would be the right time to give me some not so great news.

Seokjin pauses. She’s drinking, which means she got off work at a reasonable time tonight. He should be glad about that, for her, but he can’t figure out what is also bothering him about it.

Seokjin [20:16]

Oh? No surgeries?

Nari [20:16]

Nope, I’m not on call tonight. I was going to go home and crash but the others convinced me to have a drink first.

Seokjin [20:17]

Sounds like more than a drink.

Nari [20:18]

I may have gotten carried away, but zero regrets.

Seokjin [20:18]

Do you have a ride home?

Nari [20:19]

I live half a block away from the hospital. I’m sure most of these guys will crash at my place when they’re too trashed to get home.

Seokjin [20:19]

Are you sure?

Nari [20:20]

Yes. You don’t have to worry about me, you know.

She’s drunk; her transparency makes that clear. This may be the best or the worst time to give her the news, but Seokjin doesn’t think he can continue worrying about this for the rest of the night.

Seokjin [20:21]

Okay. Look, I need to talk to you about Friday.

Nari [20:21]

Something came up and you don’t think you can make it?

Seokjin’s heart jerks. He may not have met Nari much over the last few months, but he still knows her well enough to tell when she’s reaching the end of her tether.

Seokjin [20:22]

It’s a press thing. I can’t miss it.

Nari [20:23]

Of course. Unfortunate that you found out about it only today.

Seokjin [20:23]

No, it’s not that. I actually forgot. I thought it was on Thursday but it turns out it’s actually Friday. It’s my fault - I mixed up the days.

Nari [20:24]

Of course. Some other time, I guess.

Seokjin can picture her scoff, locking her phone and placing it on a bar table, screen down. He scrambles.

Seokjin [20:25]

I’m just saying I’ll be a little late.

Nari [20:25]

Late? Are you sure?

Seokjin [20:26]

Yeah. I don’t know how late but I’ll be there. I’ll try my best anyway.

Nari [20:26]

I’m sure you will.

This time, her status goes from “online” to “offline” and he knows she’s gone. This is a side of Nari he hasn’t seen in years: snide and sarcastic. It’s incredibly rare, requires a mix of things to be going wrong in her life, and has never, ever been directed at him.

Seokjin feels squeamish and guilty and helpless all at once - but he’s also beginning to get mildly annoyed. He’s determined to show up now, if for nothing else than to prove her wrong.

Take that, Nari. He pictures showing up at the event, jogging up the stairs and bursting into a hall filled with white-haired individuals in conservative finery. Nari, in the same leaf-green bridesmaid’s dress with strappy high heels, would be at the end of the hall at the bar, looking victorious at the assumption that he hasn’t shown. The crowd would part then and she would turn, the satisfied smirk fading at the sight of him, late and panting - but there.

The next moment, Seokjin cringes at this ridiculous fantasy. Even the imaginary voice in his head that sounds a bit like Nari snickers.

—

Nari fingers the strap of her dress nervously, feeling rather odd at being this dressed up around people who only ever see her in scrubs. Most of the other doctors seem to be feeling similarly, though, and she tries to coach herself to remember that they’re still the same people - just wearing make-up and cologne.

“Hey,” comes Jason’s voice from behind her, and she turns, glad to see someone she knows. “You - wow, you look amazing.”

“Really?” Nari asks quickly, smoothing down her dress. It’s long and plain black, nothing fancy, with a thin necklace and the only strappy high heels she owns. “It’s not too low cut?”

“Um -” Jason frowns and immediately looks away. “I - I don’t know. It looks - I mean, I didn’t -” He stutters in confusion, his gaze darting around in panic. “I don’t - I mean, should I look?”

“What? No, of course not.” She shakes her head and sighs. “Sorry. I’m just not used to it.”

“Used to what?”

“This,” she says, referring to nothing in particular. “The dress and the hair and the - the make-up. I don’t do it very often.” Looking up to see him still deliberately looking away, she slaps his shoulder. “Damn it, Jace, you can look at me now.”

“Oh.” He makes a big show of slowly moving his gaze towards her, grinning when she chuckles begrudgingly. “Don’t worry, dude. You look great.”

“Thanks. You, too, by the way,” she says honestly, noting the suit and the neatly brushed hair. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen your jaw this smooth,” she remarks, turning his chin slightly.

“A last minute shave in the residents’ locker room changed the game.” Jason rubs his jaw and winces slightly. “Should I be concerned about my skills as a surgeon that I cut myself in two different places while doing it?”

Nari laughs, feeling slightly less nervous. “Not unless you’re the patient. Also, where the hell is everybody else?”

“Oh, Daeun got pulled into surgery - her motorcycle guy ruptured his spleen,” he answers, gesturing to the bartender. “She said she’d be back if it got over in time. Hyeri had to monitor her valve replacement lady to see if she’ll make it through the night. Oh, and Eunji is over there,” he adds, pointing to the other end of the hall.

Nari squints in the direction he’s pointing. “Who’s that she’s with?”

“Her boyfriend, probably.” Jason shrugs as the bartender comes over. “A chaebol type, from what I can tell. Hey. you want a drink?”

“Uh, sure. Beer. Wait, can we have beer?” She frowns.

“I don’t know. Not fancy enough, is it?”

“We don’t have beer,” volunteers the bartender.

“Right,” says Nari. “In that case, I will have a glass of your strongest… whatever is strongest.”

Jason nods seriously. “Two of those. Thank you.”

The bartender raises an eyebrow but nods anyway, going back to mix their drinks.

“So… it’s just you and me?” She leans back against the bar and scans the room. “Wait, do you have a date coming, too?”

“What?” Jason wrinkles his nose. “No. I’ve been on a neuro rotation all week - I haven’t had time to breathe, forget about looking for a date. You?”

“Have I had time to breathe?”

“Do you have a date.”

“Right.” Nari bites her lip. “Not exactly. I mean, I - I invited a friend. Seokjin - you met him, remember?”

“Yeah, of course.” Jason nods as their drinks arrive and they automatically pick theirs up. “Cheers. So why isn’t he a date?”

“Because he’s a friend.” As she says it, a terrifying possibility occurs to her: could Seokjin actually think this is a date? It would explain his random excuse to arrive “late” - if he does at all.

“He is? Really?” He looks mildly curious. “Because that night at Hyeri’s - I could’ve sworn he had a thing for you.”

Nari’s heart skips a beat. “You’re not the first person to think that,” she mutters into her glass, taking a stinging sip of what tastes like scotch. “Ugh, that’s disgusting.”

“It’s strong,” he remarks. “But I didn’t catch that. What did you say?”

“Nothing.” She shakes her head, the painful humiliation of that moment after the wedding seeping into her body again. “Just… he doesn’t. Have a thing for me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Really? I mean, because it seemed like -”

“Jason,” she interrupts him, needing this conversation to end. “He doesn’t. Believe me. I’m completely sure.”

For a moment, it looks like he’s going to say something else but then seems to think the better of it. Nari is thankful; reliving that moment is bad enough, but her mind is now also preoccupied with the possibility that Seokjin might be avoiding coming tonight because he thinks she’s asked him on a date - and because he’s nice and can’t reject her outright twice, he’s having to resort to half-hearted lies and work excuses.

It’s a grim thought. She and Seokjin haven’t spoken since he told her he’d try to make it - and she’d been less than gracious about it. It was the alcohol, she’d reasoned the next morning, and despite the annoyance with his flimsy attempts at avoiding her, she’d dropped him a cursory Seriously, don’t worry about it. She’d waited just long enough to get a I’ll still try my best, and tried not to think about it since.

Nari takes another sip of her disgusting drink, not sure which is worse - if he shows or if he doesn’t.

—

“There he is. Jerk.”

Seokjin’s ears perk up at Taehyung’s quiet snarl. He follows the younger member’s gaze and feels his mouth twist as well when he spots the one journalist who had pestered them relentlessly with questions, each one more backhanded than the previous one, ranging from their solo ambitions to accusations of plagiarism.

“Where’s Namjoon?” he mutters, looking around. “Let’s make sure he doesn’t run into that guy without other guests around. Or witnesses,” he adds.

“He’s over by the water,” supplies Jungkook. “I think he’s talking to one of the sponsors.”

“Let’s keep an eye on him, then,” says Yoongi dryly. “Just in case he decides to do something drastic, like get into a logically structured argument.”

Seokjin half-chuckles. He does want Namjoon to come over, partly to keep an eye on him but mostly to check when he can leave. He checks his phone; it’s almost eight. As much as Nari’s last message, days ago, hadn’t seemed at all confident that he would make it, it only made him more determined to show up.

Namjoon doesn’t come over, though. Eventually, Seokjin joins him, hoping to get a moment of his time between guests.

“Maybe you should take a break,” he suggests, after another one of the sponsors leave and Namjoon’s well-practiced public smile fades. “Eat something? Or even have a drink?”

Namjoon smiles wearily. “Thanks, hyung. Maybe later.” He runs a hand over his face. “God, I can’t wait to get out of here. Zoom date with Kaya,” he adds, answering Seokjin’s silent question.

“Then we should leave now,” he says immediately, jumping at the opportunity. “Or you’ll just get even more tired and you’ll have to cancel on Kaya.”

“Are you kidding? It’s the only thing I’ve been looking forward to all day,” he replies, shaking his head. “There’s no way I’m cancelling.”

Seokjin responds to this with a grimace; while he would ordinarily find it sweet, right now, this blatant happiness is just annoying. He tries to think of another line of reasoning that could convince Namjoon to bounce, but before he can, two middle-aged people, one man and one woman, join them.

There’s some initial greeting; Seokjin gets through it robotically while Namjoon goes from tired to charming in a microsecond. The topic predictability begins with the press conference that just took place, followed by both guests praising Namjoon for his wonderful answers that he receives with respectful gratitude.

“I’m sorry you all have to stay for the dinner,” the woman says to Seokjin while the other two speak about something else. “You’re so young; I’m sure you all have other plans tonight.”

Lady, you have no idea. But he forces a smile on his face. “We’re happy to be here. Besides, if I’m lucky,” he adds hopefully after a moment, “my plans might still be there after this.”

“Oh?” The lady seems most interested. “A fancy party you need to get to?”

“Something like that. I have to meet someone at an event.”

“Girlfriend?”

“No,” he answers hastily. “Just a friend. It’s a work thing at the hospital she works. She’s a doctor,” he adds for good measure.

To his surprise, the lady nods. “Oh, I know that. It’s a fundraiser, right? Seoul National Hospital?” When Seokjin raises his eyebrows and nods, she smiles in acknowledgement. “I have a couple of friends there, too. Those doctors do such good work - pity they don’t have the money to continue their work in peace. Your friend is smart, though,” she says after a moment, patting Seokjin’s shoulder with a knowing look, “inviting a BTS member to the event.”

Seokjin doesn’t immediately understand. “I’m sorry?”

“Well, they need the money, don’t they?” She chuckles, sounding almost impressed. “Not a lot of people have the contacts to bring in someone like BTS to be a donor.”

Something drops in his stomach. “Oh, I - I think you’ve misunderstood. She’s my friend and we - we haven’t met in a long time because we’ve both been very busy. It’s not a - I mean, I’m not a - a donor.”

The lady looks confused for a moment. “Oh. My apologies. It just seemed like a smart thing to do, you know?”

Seokjin swallows. “Sure,” he says shortly. “But, uh… it’s not like that.” He nods to himself, knowing he’s right. “Nari would never do that.”

—

Nari shuffles through the crowd to where she can see Jason with Eunji and her boyfriend, taking care not to trip in her heels. She sees them turn and spot her as she gets close, but she doesn’t have time for pleasantries.

“Incoming,” she states. All of their eyes dart up and behind her; Eunji is the first one to notice.

“Damn it. Come on, babe,” she commands her partner, taking his hand and setting off. “Let’s go dance before he gets us.” In a flash of a second, they’re both gone.

“Okay, it’s our turn,” she says hurriedly to Jason, placing her drink on the bar and gathering her long dress in her hand. “If Dr Jung gets hold of us, it’s going to be a repeat of the mixer.”

Jason grimaces. “Oh, God. You mean when he tried to recruit each of us one by one by using his holiday calendar as a selling point?”

“That’s the one. Come on, he’s already seen me, but maybe we can still make a break for it!” she whispers dramatically, getting ready to go but stopping when he grabs her wrist.

“It’s too late,” he says gravely. “We’re going to need another plan. Tell me about your craniotomy today.”

“I - what?” Nari’s eyes widen. “Did you not hear me?”

“I did. Now talk to me about something medical,” he instructs. “And make it seem like there’s a problem - like, just talk urgently. Come on,” he urges, shaking her wrist.

“Um - okay, uh, the patient came in with migraines and was having seizures so we did an MRI and found an aneurysm located in the temporal lobe of the brain -”

“That’s great,” he whispers, and Nari notices his gaze slide carefully to the left to watch Dr Jung reach them, before quickly looking back at Nari. “But his vitals still aren’t stable,” he says suddenly, at a regular volume.

Nari’s jaw drops before she realises what he’s doing. “His blood pressure is what we need to observe carefully or he’s going to need another surgery tomorrow.”

“Is there any chance the aneurysm could’ve burst anyway? Even after you clipped it?”

Nari stares, a little thrown by how convincing his acting is.

“Answer me!”

“A little over the top, don’t you think?” she mutters.

“The man is two feet behind you,” he replies, equally quietly, before tugging her closer and placing his hands dramatically on her shoulders. “What if it’s a brain bleed? What if -”

“How dare you?” She interrupts him, jabbing him in the chest. “My aneurysm was clipped perfectly, you son of a bitch!”

Jason’s eyes flicker with this unexpected turn of conversation but he plays along. “We still need to get an MRI to rule out any other complications, like a hematoma, or an air embolism or -” He pauses, craning his neck slightly, “... and he’s gone.” His shoulders relax and his hands slide off her arms.

“No way did that work,” she marvels in a low voice, turning around to check and see that he’s right.

“Of course it did. Nobody interrupts two doctors discussing a patient,” he says absently, rubbing a spot on his chest. “You may need some practice, though. I think you bruised my chest.”

“Don’t be a baby,” she tells him teasingly, asking for another drink and feeling a lot more relaxed than before. “But that was a pretty neat trick.”

“I can teach you many, young ‘un,” he says seriously, casually taking a sip of his third scotch. “But I don’t think we have the time tonight. Won’t Seokjin be here soon?”

Her drink arrives then and Nari takes it with a quiet thanks. Taking a larger sip than intended, she shakes her head. “He’s not going to make it,” she says, swallowing and wincing.

“Oh.” Jason frowns. “Did he call?”

“Nope.” Nari shakes her head, finding it a bit sad how unsurprised she is. “But he’s not going to make it.”

His frown deepens slightly and she’s sure he’s picked up on her change in tone, but she’s thankful he doesn’t mention it.

“Do you want to learn another trick then?” he offers.

Nari smiles, trying to look at the bright side: Seokjin would not have enjoyed this. He wouldn’t know anyone and he wouldn’t understand any of their conversation. A call would have been nice, but things aren’t the same anymore.

She’s here, she has a night off, and she’s not alone. It could be a lot worse.

“Sure,” she answers. “But I’m going to need to be a lot more drunk for the next one.”

—

The ETA on the map says forty minutes. Seokjin has no idea how long hospital fundraisers last, but he needs to try. He exits the building, already tired from the negotiating he had to do to leave early. It’s starting to drizzle, so he ducks into the nearest establishment - a small cafe - as he waits for his car. The traffic outside is ridiculous, though; he hasn’t the faintest idea how long it’ll actually take him to get to the fundraiser.

Nari hasn’t called or messaged, though. Neither has he, he knows, but her last message had implied such a lack of faith in his intention to show up that it had rankled him just a bit. Over the course of the week, it had festered until it’s now more of a challenge than anything else, for he can’t think of a single other reason as to why he’s going to this thing.

For Nari, says the voice weakly, sounding unconvinced. Nari, it seems, neither knows nor cares if he shows up, for all the interest she’s shown in his whereabouts. I’ll try me best, he’d said, meaning it completely, but she clearly didn’t believe it.

Seokjin sighs, mentally so exhausted that he can’t even muster the energy to be annoyed or hurt or confused right now. He’s just about to step back outside when he hears a voice he doesn’t expect.

“Can I get a bottle of water, please?”

He turns to see straight hair and a blazer, mint green this time, with the sleeves pushed up. “Seulgi?” he calls unsurely.

She turns and her eyes light up in recognition. “Hey, Seokjin. How are you?”

“Tired,” he admits. “You?”

“The same. Just trying to find the guiltiest pleasure on the menu to break my diet with tonight,” she says, pointing at the few items on the board. “It’s just been one of those days.”

“Tell me about it,” he murmurs, taking a few steps to stand beside her. “Anything catch your eye?”

“Not really. It’s just sandwiches,” she grumbles. “But I don’t really have a lot of options right now.”

Seokjin is quiet for a few seconds while she gets a bottle of water and takes a long swig from it. “I actually know of a ramen place close by. If you want. I break my diets there all the time,” he tells her.

“Really?” This time he isn’t imagining it; her eyes do light up. “How much?”

“Well… enough to feel like I’ve rebelled against the company for the night, but not so much that I can’t resume it the next day.”

“That’s the perfect amount.”

“Is that a yes?”

Seulgi grins tiredly, reminding him for a moment of Namjoon earlier tonight. “It is.” Her eyes flicker lower and her smile fades. “Oh, wait. You’re in a suit - are you going somewhere?”

Seokjin bites his lip. “I was at the press conference, and the dinner after that.”

“Oh.” She doesn’t look fully convinced. “And you were going… where?”

“Well, now I’m going to get ramen because it’s in my head.”

She cracks a smile. “I’m serious, though. You’re in a suit,” she repeats, adjusting the strap of her handbag on her shoulder. “Are you sure you don’t need to be somewhere?”

Question of the hour. But Seokjin knows that even if he does make it through the traffic, this will still be the easiest conversation he’s going to have all day.

“No. I don’t need to be anywhere.”

—

Thank you for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

#seokjin x oc #seokjin x reader #seokjin fanfic #thebtswritersclub #btshoneyhive #bangtanwhq #bangtantheatrenet #bangtanbathhouse #bangtanoasis #micdropnet #hyunglinenetwrok #k-vanity #wkcnet #bts jin fanfic #bts jin angst

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arcanumsposts · 7 months

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Day Two - Nine of my favorite books and why.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

The Secret History is definitely my favorite book I’ve read. The story is written so beautifully and in a way it speaks to me. “The snow in the mountains was melting, and bunny had been dead for several weeks before came to understand the gravity of our situation.” That opening sentence pulled me in almost immediately.

I first read this book this past winter, I had bought it two years prior and never got around to reading it, it was more so I had been in a reading slump for a while. A really bad snow storm had hit my area where I live and it was -70° fahrenheit with the wind chill and the entire county had lost power for seven hours. I didn’t want to waste the battery on my phone or laptop in case of an emergency. So I lit a candle that I could hold, I grabbed The Secret History and I sat in the small love seat in my living room with a blanket and I started reading it with candlelight.

This book maybe changed my life. My outlook on life is so different, and I can genuinely say that I have changed so much as a person after reading this book. I don’t mean to glamorize it because I know what Donna’s intentions were when writing this but, this book truly brought me out of my reading slump and the depression spell I was under.

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

I don’t believe I could even express words to describe why this is one of my favorite books. I fear it is because, I, Myself relate to Dorian in a way. I fear my youthful days are only passing me. I understand it is different for Dorian but as for myself, I hate the idea of death, of never achieving or fulfilling my desires or pleasures.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

This book has to be on this list because mary shelley is my love. I absolutely adore her. But with Frankenstein, I love the idea of a mad scientist. In a way though, I feel I relate to the monster in Frankenstein. Rage, Grief, Loneliness. That my life has no meaning than to serve a “master.” Taking revenge on others who have wronged me or simply accidentally hurting another. I think this book is a beautiful representation of love, revenge, life. And it’s warnings of advanced science, which I guess you could say is very relevant for today.

Dracula by Bram Stoker

I love the set up of the story in this book. The gothic theme of it all is so addicting. But other than that, i could care less for the theme of good vs evil because I love vampires and the whole myth behind them. Really I only enjoy this book because of the gothic vampire element of it all. Very comforting I guess I could say.

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio

If We Were Villains is another dark academia novel, similar to The Secret History. I don’t quite understand the debate over which book is better because they are both very different books except the dark academia element of it all. The students in this book are very normal, I’d say, very similar to how theatre kids were when I was in school. I think it is very beautiful, the symbolism of Shakespeare and all of their actions. Oliver saying he blames shakespeare for everything that happened. The story between Oliver and James. The ending wrecked me. All in all, I think IWWV is a beautiful story. There should be no debate whether this book or that book is better. Enjoy what you want.

The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky

I found myself enjoying this book because of how I relate to Ivan in the book. Ivan’s takes on religion, mortality and his philosophy, i found myself questioning myself those same concepts at times in my life. Like Ivan, we prefer logic and intellect over heart and emotion. Ivan traps himself in his logic because of his trauma from his father, he’s set in his way of thinking and in doing so, he keeps people at a distance, as he believes he does not deserve that kind of happiness. I relate to that in so many ways, never letting people get too close nor letting myself love. Keeping others at a distance and acting cold.

The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe

The raven I believe is one of my favorites because of the symbolism of madness. Losing his loved one and being tortured by the raven, continously saying “nevermore”. How grief and sadness can overtake an individual in such a way that it consume them entirely.

Macbeth by Shakespeare

I like the idea of Macbeth for starters. The symbolism of how ambition can lead to something estranged and dangerous. Something wicked this way comes. Fair is foul, foul is fair. This play is especially interesting to me because of the history of the making of macbeth. How it’s rumoured to be cursed by witches after Shakespeare had been warned as to not use real incantation.

Kill Switch by Penelope Douglas

This one may be controversial because of Damon Torrance. I sympathize with Damon’s trauma yet I do not defend his actions. I only found this book to be my favorite from the series because of the inner monologue of Damon. The pain and suffering he endured. I found myself relating to his pain and how I act out and become cold and distant just as Damon did. My trauma is not the same as Damon’s but it is very similar.

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mrsaltieri-real · 10 months

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His Perfect Victim (Mickey Altieri x OC!Dahlia Levine)

Chapter One: One Door Closes

Okay SO!!! I have been working on making this a series for such a long time and after a lot of trial and error it’s FINALLY in the works and the first chapter is DONE. It’s a lot shorter than the ones to come but it’s a good starting point I think!

Depending on how long you’ve been here you may no I did a one-shot for this fic a long ass time ago called Darling Dahlia. Well, I’ve changed the name but this is it! The first chapter! I wanna give a huge massive thank you to @bisexual-horror-fan for not only editing and beta reading the first chapter but for giving me the motivation to finally bring Dahlia to life after so many months of me getting so annoyed and frustrated at my lack of progress. THANK YOU DUDE!

Word count: Almost 1.5k

Warnings: The whole fic will be rated explicit, language, teasing, trauma, mentions of the Woodsbro murders, death (yes already but don’t worry!) Mickey being a complete ass, Dahlia being an ass right back to him

Dahlia’s face claim is below!

Here we go! Chapter One!

You know them times where it seems like absolutely everything goes wrong all at once? You fail a test, forget to defrost the fucking chicken or your cousin decides to go on a murder spree all within the same day?

All three of these things happened to me. It’s easy to guess which hit hardest.

I can still see Stu’s hesitant eyes looking down at me as his accomplice and best friend Billy brought his blade down to my stomach, plunging it deep inside of me. I didn’t cry, I didn’t scream. I accepted the pain, I welcomed the darkness and just waited for it to be over. I see both of their faces every time I close my eyes, in every single dream I’ve had. Billy’s expression of pure undiluted concentration and Stu’s sad and torn blue eyes dragging themselves away from me as the knife imbedded into my torso.

The only things I know that happened after are what Sidney and Randy told me. Sid had managed to single-handedly kill them both, putting an end to the series of grisly murders they had committed and calling the police. I remember waking up in the hospital, parents sobbing at my bedside, telling me that I had in fact been legally dead for three minutes. I remember Stu’s parents visiting and my mom screaming at her brother to “Get the fuck out!”.

I remember Sid and Randy telling me that Billy and Stu had killed Tatum.

But despite all of it, I felt nothing. It was like after Billy stabbed me and I’d died, the part of me actually being able to feel things went along with it. In a way it was good. It meant the betrayal of my own flesh and blood didn’t hurt me as much as it hurt the rest of my family, my parents completely cut themselves off from my aunt and uncle after everything, not wanting to associate themselves with the Macher name. It was obvious this was for the sake of appearances and of course, their image. We were a well off family, not because my parents worked hard but because Stu and I’s grandparents were ridiculously wealthy and left just about everything to our respective parents.

But none of that mattered when I stepped foot in Windsor College. When I met him.

Everything changed in an instant. Leaving Woodsbro behind with two of my best friends and finally finding someone I could bear my soul too I was a whole new person. I got feeling back, I could feel again. It was the perfect time for all of us to reinvent ourselves and be happy again, new life, new friends, new boyfriends.

It was like the moment I laid eyes on Mickey something inside of me snapped back into place and began to heal me. It took a long time, a painfully long time for me to want to accept the fact that I wanted him. Part of me wishes I’d given into it sooner, soaked up every last part of the version of him I’d known at the time to be true whilst the more rational side wishes I’d never stepped foot onto this campus, never let him touch me, never let him know me. Everything about him was just magnetic and looking back at it now, that should have been the first of many red flags. No one can be that charismatic, that charming and not be hiding something dark and sinister, there is just no way.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you about the first time I met Mickey Altieri.

“I think this will be good for you, you know? Make some new friends, start to move on.” Sid had her fingers wrapped around my wrist, tugging me gently over to her small circle of friends all sat crowded in the college square.

“I don’t need to make new friends. I’m fine by myself.” Of course I appreciated her concern for me, but I was getting really tired of being told what I needed to do. If I wanted to be alone, why couldn’t I be alone?

“Dahlia,” Sid abruptly stopped walking, turning to face me with those goddamned brown eyes looking down at me imploringly, “it’s been months. We all need to at least try and move on, you know?”

“I know, Sid.” I sighed a little, eyes nervously flickering up to the three people sitting perched on the bench, Randy luckily amongst them. I smiled a little as I saw him eagerly wave at Sidney and I, beckoning us over. “Just…” I struggled to hold her gaze, voice dropping to be a bit quieter, as if lowering the volume would make the admission and subsequent minor vulnerability easier to push out, “It’s hard.”

Sid’s expression turned sympathetic, her hand moving to grasp mine. Sidney has good hands, strong, grounding, firm yet soft, just like her. She speaks again, “I know, Dahlia. But I really think this could help. They’re all great, very understanding and they won’t push you to talk about…Well, what happened.”

“God, fine.” I mumbled and she nodded, looking just slightly smug as she gently tugged me closer to the group.

A chorus of “Hey, Sid” was uttered before Sid introduced me. “Dahlia, this is Derek, Hallie and Mickey. Guys, this is Dahlia.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little awkwardly as my eyes scanned the tight knit group. Randy was looking at me encouragingly and Sidney squeezed my hand a little.

I said nothing.

I still felt nothing.

Great.

Even then, I subconsciously noticed that Mickey was staring at me a little too hard. He was sitting with his back leaning against the wall with his foot propped up on the bench, toying with a video camera in his hand as he gave me a quick and not at all subtle once over. Despite the zombie-like trance I’d been in for the last few months, it made the blood rush to my cheeks and lightly stain them.

I mean, I wasn’t stupid. He was ridiculously good looking. His dark hair stuck up a little, he was toned and the thin fabric of his sweater clung to his body in a way that made it almost painful to look away and his brown eyes were just so…Full.

Full of mirth and life and so much I don’t think I could actually list it all. When was the last time I felt that full? Had I ever, even before that night? In his eyes I could see the excitement and wonder in them from where I stood and it was oddly enticing, I focused on that as opposed to my usual depressing internal monologue.

He managed to ruin my little initial fascination with him in about three seconds.

“Oh! You’re the chick who died, right, I- ow!” I watched as the girl, Hallie, darted out her hand and smacked Mickey upside of the head, “Jesus, what?”

“You can’t just say something like that to someone, God you’re an ass.” The mild disgust on her face twists to an apologetic smile as she continued on, “ I apologise for Mickey, he has zero fucking tact.” Hallie’s expression turned warmer as she was moving up the bench to make room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mickey roll his eyes a little before he settled his gaze back onto me.

“No, no it’s fine. Yeah, I am. Glad that’s so interesting to you Michael.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me, an amused smile cracking on his face. “Mickey.” He corrected me, sounding amused as he did so.

I held back a scoff as I told him, “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

That was the first time I ever spoke directly to him. I can’t help but imagine how things would be now if I never bothered, never got so captivated with the way he’d look at me all through the rest of the day and every single day after.

It was never creepy, far from it. Instead it was almost as though he knew something I knew, like he knew me already.

Little did I know he did know me. He knew every single thing about me.

Chapter Two HERE

#this series is already everything to me #i am unbelievably excited to post this #been working on the plot for SO long #hope you all wind up loving Dahlia and Mickey #because fuck #they’re my babies #scream #mickey altieri #scream 2 #timothy olyphant #mickey Altieri x oc #dahlia levine #his perfect victim

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shadyruinskryptonite · 5 months

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Titan Bending Chapter 11

Warning: Violence consistent with cannon, NSFW so MDNI, language, major character death (both consistent with canon of both AOT and ATLA as well as diverging from canon), so much trauma literally everyone is so traumatized, very much slow burn, a little enemies to lovers, SO MUCH ANGST, hurt/comfort, hurt and delayed comfort, AFAB reader

Chapter Warnings: Death, brief mention of an implied abusive relationship with the reader’s father, heavy artillery, fighting, severe injuries, burns, talks of the reader wanting to get laid

WC: 3437

Previous Chapter, Next Chapter

Masterlist

Tags: @mochminnie @sseleniaa

On top of the wall, watching the cannonballs hit this behemoth with little to no effect, I feel a new wave of exhaustion hit me.

How have these people gone on like this for so long? It’s like every step forward is 20 back.

Looking over at Eren coiling rope around his arm, I can’t help but notice that his eyes don’t have the same fire in them. And thinking about it, they haven’t since we got him back.

Time for a goold ol’ mom pep-talk.

Kneeling down next to him, he doesn’t seem to notice my presence until I put my hand on his shoulder. He barely spares me a glance as he continues about his work.

“How ya holdin up, kiddo? It’s been a hell of a few days for you,” I enquire gently.

“I’m fine. Don’t you have something you should be doing?” He says coldly.

“Oh what, now you’re trying to fit me into the soldier mould? Come on now,” I grin reassuringly at him and I can see that the most I’m going to get is a twitch of the corner of his mouth. Shifting in front of him, I continue, “Ya know, no one expects you to have all of the answers. And frankly, if you did have all of them, at least a few would be wrong.”

His eyes shift towards me in a bit of a glare. “If this is your attempt to cheer me up it’s pretty shitty.”

I laugh a little before saying, “What I’m getting at is that if you tried to do everything and solve everything completely on your own then you’d be bound to make mistakes. But you’re not on your own. You have an entire squad - I would even argue an entire military - behind you to help you out however we can. There is not a single thing that you’re going through that you’re going through alone. But even so, you still deserve to give yourself more credit. Not only are you in a position that no one else has ever been in, you’re taking it in your stride. And thinking about last night as an example, Levi wouldn’t have given you a choice if he didn’t think you’d make the right one. He would’ve ordered you to do what he thought was best. And not only did you make a choice, you made one that saved every last one of us. If I had as much pressure on my shoulders as you currently have on yours, I don’t know if I’d be able to stand upright. I guess what I’m saying all boils down to the fact that I’m proud of you.”

By the end of my little speech, I see slight tears forming in his eyes and a ghost of a smile on his lips. As I go to stand up, I give him the slightest kiss on the top of his head and move off to see what Hange might need me to do.

Suddenly, the steam shifts and is blasting us all. I furiously bend to try to redirect it or make it dissipate, but it’s so hot that there’s no bendable water in the air.

Then there’s one hand on the wall.

And then another.

Luckily Hange thought to bring water up on top of the wall to deal with the heat and whatever people don’t dump on themselves, I bend around to make the air more breathable.

As the Garrison retreats, we take our turn, firing artillery at its hands to make it lose balance as Eren transforms. He runs forward, and, just like Erwin anticipated, the mouth is open because there’s no real mouth to speak of. As he throws the gunpowder in, the entire top of the titan explodes into pieces.

Everyone takes off to dispatch each flying piece, myself included. Taking the remaining water from the barrels, I slice through everything I can reach. But just as quickly as we sprung into action, it seemed that the pieces started to disappear in front of our eyes.

Someone got it!

I see Historia fall to the ground where a supply cart breaks her fall. Jumping after her, I get there just as she announces to the people that she is the rightful queen of the walls. In the ensuing chaos she glances in my direction and before rejoining the Scouts on top of the wall, I shoot her a broad grin and a thumbs up.

I’ve got a lot of people to be proud of today it seems.

Once I return to the top of the wall, a patrol is done of the ruins of the Reiss chapel. Everyone has their different assignments and, once again, Levi pairs me with him. He brandishes a gun while I have a small stream of water. Near where the chapel once was, we see a figure moving and descend on him to investigate. This man, covered in burns and cuts and looking like he’s on his last legs, is none other than Kenny. Levi tries to dismiss me but instead I drop to the ground and try to heal him. However, one touch and it’s clear that he’s hurt as badly as he looks and that my healing won’t be able to do anything for him.

Just as I’m about to step away, I hear a clatter and see that he’s got a syringe with titan fluid. Levi is just as surprised as I am, but I’m the only one that takes up a fighting stance.

I bet I could whip it out of his hand…yeah, he’s no where near strong enough to fight that off!

Before I can act, Levi calls his bluff. It quickly becomes clear that Kenny isn’t going to use that serum. In fact, it’s pretty clear that he knows he’s not going to get off the ground ever again.

Almost prophetically, Kenny says “All of us had to spend our lives drunk on something, otherwise we’d have no cause to keep pushing on. Everyone was a slave to somethin’.”

As if his body was rejecting the philosophy, he begins to violently cough up blood. Levi takes it as his opportunity to try to get more information out of him, stooping to his level and almost trying to shake the answers out. At Kenny’s mention of “we Ackermans” turning against the king, my eyes flick to Levi. I cringe when Kenny coughs on him, knowing his aversion to all things dirty. But, surprisingly, he doesn’t really seem phased. He doesn’t even make a move to wipe it off.

Levi’s next question takes me by surprise as well. It’s nothing to do with humanity. “Apparently, that’s my name as well. Tell me, who are you? What were you to my mom?”

The life is quickly draining from Kenny’s eyes, but he manages another chuckle before he calls Levi a dumb ass and reveals, “I’m just…her brother.”

Looking back to Levi, his facial expression reminds me of a little kid. Every part of me wants to reach out and comfort him, but I knew he would reject it immediately. And if that feeling weren’t bad enough, his next words practically broke my heart.

“That day, why? Why did you leave me?” He looks away as he finishes his question.

“Because…I just wasn’t cut out…to be somebody’s dad.” When Kenny spoke, Levi turned to look at him again. At this point, I’m positive I’m not looking at the Levi I had grown to know over the last few months but rather a small child filled with hurt. I’m aware that he’s at least somewhat older than me, but it feels like he’s just another one of my kids right now that needs to be told it’ll be okay.

At that moment, as a final act, Kenny smacks the box with the titan serum to Levi’s chest and when his gaze moves back up to meet Kenny’s again, he’s gone. A massive wave of guilt washes over me because I know I shouldn’t have been here for this private moment between them.

Levi sat there for a prolonged moment staring at Kenny. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had forgotten I was even there. But after a while, I gently walk up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. The touch makes him jump and he still has every emotion written all over his face when he looks up at me. I have to make a concerted effort not to show a trace of pity.

With my hand now squeezing his shoulder, I whisper, “Come on, let’s go back to HQ. It’s almost time for the coronation, anyway.”

Shaking the emotion away, I catch Levi steal one more glance at Kenny. For three quarters of the walk back, we’re silent. There aren’t words for someone who has just had all of that thrown at them. However, when we’re almost back, I do speak up.

“I’m sorry I intruded on that. I just…when he had the serum I couldn’t leave you to deal with whatever happened on your own.”

Slowly, he responds, “It’s fine. Could you just-”

Knowing what he was about to ask, I cut him off and say “I won’t tell anyone about anything that was just said.” I look towards him to see that he was already looking at me and he nods when I make eye contact. He still hadn’t wiped the emotion or blood from his face but he was starting to look more like himself. Realizing that blood was still splattered across him, I bend a tiny bit of water from the air and instruct, “Wait, let me get that for you.”

He stops and I very gently brush both of his cheeks where the blood was concentrated. I can feel him stiffen under my touch and I recognize how intimate that moment just was.

I clear my throat and, trying to lighten the mood ever so slightly, I gently shove his arm and say, “Ya know, if you were one of the kids I’d offer to hug you right about now.”

I can see a ghost of a smile as he says a small “thank you.” By now we’ve made it back and it’s time for Historia’s coronation.

Since I don’t have a uniform like everyone else, Hange offered to let me wear one of her’s and, upon inspection, it seemed clean enough. I quickly changed so I could meet up with the rest of my squad.

My squad. I never thought I’d be so willingly saying that, let alone thinking it.

Connie is the first person to notice me and shouts, “Wow, what happened to not being a soldier?!”

Everyone turns to look at me with completely astonished faces. Jean even goes so far as to say, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything other than all black.”

“I can’t look like a bum or a burgler next to all of you for such a monumental event!” I say lightly.

Walking with all of them to meet up with Levi, Historia mentions that she’s going to punch Levi. Eren is trying to talk her out of it, but everyone else seems on board. I even throw in my two cents, saying “Ya know, I can tell you from personal experience it’s very therapeutic to punch that little shit.” Most everyone laughs but Eren seems genuinely terrified for her wellbeing.

When we walk up to Levi, it almost seems like she’s going to back out. I can tell that he’s confused but all of a sudden she lets out a scream and runs up to him, hitting him in the arm. Everyone other than Mikasa and I are horrified.

Damn, maybe I should’ve spent a little less time helping Armin with hand-to-hand and a little more helping her out…

To everyone’s shock though, Levi laughs and, even more surprisingly, smiles. Softly, he says, “Thanks you guys, I needed that.”

Everyone else is left dumbfounded, but I catch his eye and smile back at him. He seems to hold my eye contact a moment too long, and it has me feeling some type of way.

God now that things have calmed down maybe I can go to a bar and get laid, this is ridiculous.

That night, I woke up after only a couple of hours.

Even after everything that’s happened the last few days I still can’t sleep like a normal person.

I decided sitting on the roof would be nice, but as I left my room I saw light from underneath Levi’s door. On a whim, I decided to knock.

“Name, rank, and business,” he called from the otherside. Instead of saying anything, I took it upon myself to head inside.

Opening the door just wide enough to stick my head in, I smile at Levi and say, “I was just headed to the roof for some fresh air and I saw that you were up. Figured I’d ask you to join me.”

He blinks at me for a moment. He doesn’t say anything but he gets up and grabs his cloak to come with me. I begin walking towards the stairs but he turns, causing me to stop and look at him. “Is there another way to the roof that I don’t know about?”

“I figured I’d make some tea, show you what real tea tastes like,” he jokes.

Playfully rolling my eyes, I try to follow him instead, but he simply tells me to go to the roof and he’ll meet me up there. So I head up and wait for him.

It’s a very clear night, and every star in the sky is visible. Sitting there, taking it in, I reflect on the last few days events.

It feels like a lifetime ago that the kids were trying to teach me to ride a horse.

As I begin to let my train of thought run wild, I hear the door click and realize Levi has joined me. Wordlessly setting the tray down next to me, he takes a seat on the other side. Stil looking towards the sky, I mindlessly reach down to grab my tea cup and bring it to my lips.

Fuck, it’s good. It couldn’t have been shitty?

Feeling his eyes on me, waiting for a response, I begrudgingly say, “It’s fine.” Wanting to see his reaction to me using his own line on him, I allow myself to look at him in my peripheral vision.

Smug bastard.

“It could use some sugar though,” I mumble in addition, not wanting to inflate his ego too much. He scoffs at me, but I can’t help but smile at the reaction. A comfortable silence blankets us.

After a moment of sitting there, I realize just how chilly it is. It’s not enough to make me want to go back inside, but it is enough to send a visible chill up my spine. Ever observant, Levi obviously notices. Unlike the last time we were on the roof together, he doesn’t ask if I’m cold and instead takes his cloak off and drapes it around my shoulders. I turn and smile gratefully at him, and he looks away as soon as I do.

With a soft giggle, I remark, “You really do notice everything.”

This makes him turn back to me. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you just now noticed that I shivered but any time I make any kind of expression you seem to pick up on it. Actually, you’re usually the only person to pick up on it.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could swear I see him blush. After a small pause, he quietly says, “It seems like you’re pretty observant yourself, then.”

I chucke as my mind flashes to every sticky situation I’ve ever been in that required heightened observance. Being on my own in the wilderness, every battle I’ve been in, when I was such a small child that had to be in tune with every minutia of my father’s emotions so that I could avoid them or prepare myself.

“Hey, you okay?” Levi breaks me out of my own mind.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, just got a bit lost in my head there,” I apologize.

Almost inaudibly, Levi whispers, “What were you thinking about?”

I search his face, despite not knowing what I’m looking for. Without looking away, I decide I owe him some kind of answer. So I say, “Just sort of about all of the times being observant was the difference between life and death. How important that skill has been for me throughout my life.” I allow my voice to trail off towards the end.

“I can second that. But…but you already knew I’d agree with that sentiment, didn’t you?” This time, when he spoke, he didn’t look away. Instead it felt like he was staring into my soul and despite having been intentionally vague it felt to me like I had just laid my entire self out bare before him.

“I probably could’ve guessed, yeah.”

“How is it that you already know things like this about me?” Levi asks sounding almost scared.

In response, I shrug a little before saying, “Well, I guess I just see a lot of similarities in how we operate.”

“Like what?”

“Um, well, thinking about any of the strategies and plans you’ve put together over the last week. You don’t strategize like Erwin and Hange, like the military. Your strategies always seem more…more…desparate isn’t the right word, but more like an animal that’s been cornered.” I quickly add, “And I’m not saying that as a bad thing! Everything you’ve said and planned has been extremely sound and probably exactly what I would come up with too. I guess I just mean that, as someone who personally has only ever had to strategize to save my own ass, I can kind of tell that your mind works around survival.”

I desperately didn’t want to offend him, and luckily it didn’t seem like he took anything that I said as an insult.

I also didn’t want to say it, but any thoughts I had about Levi previously having had a rough life were confirmed by the conversation he and Kenny had earlier in the day.

Quietly, he asks, “Do you think it’s that obvious to everyone?”

I respond easily, “Oh, no. I don’t think it’s obvious to anyone, honestly. I think the way it would be obvious to people is if they look past the icy mask that you wear. And even then, I think it would take a lot more time and/or personal experience for someone to figure out the root of what makes you tick.”

With wide eyes, Levi says “L-look past the mask?”

“Yeah, the whole ‘Humanity’s Strongest’ bullshit. Forgive me for psycho-analyzing you, but that whole moniker seems to be a pretty nice wall to hide behind so you don’t risk anyone actually knowing Levi the person.”

“A-and you? You…you’ve looked past it?”

“Frankly, I’ve only recently started trying to,” I laugh before continuing on, “I honestly didn’t see anything more than a self-righteous prick until about a week or so ago.” This elicits a pretty hardy snort from him. “That being said, now that we’ve worked next to each other more seriously I think I’m starting to see a bit more. And since I’m being so open right now, I’ll admit that I think I like just plain Levi one hell of a lot more than Captain Levi: Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.”

We sit there, frozen, staring at each other for what feels like an eternity. Finally, the moment is broken when we both finish off our tea. He stumbles through saying he’s gonna head back in and I agree.

Handing his cloak back to him, his hand brushes my arm and despite the cold night air it’s like he’s bending fire across my skin. We walk down the stairs in silence and I offer to do the dishes since he made the tea. With a simple nod I head towards the kitchen but instead of going back to his office, he follows me. I don’t say anything as I begin to wash the dishes and set the clean ones aside, only to then find him drying them off and putting them away. I smile to myself at how far we’ve come and how well we actually work together.

In front of our respective doors, we bid each other goodnight and disappear from view.

I could really see myself being friends with just plain Levi.

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