#I can't forget about them‚ either‚ unlike... other people. I can't imagine what it's like not to have this shit.

[fsfghgee]

Your name's become synonymous with betrayal.

To those too obtuse to understand me. ~ Bi-Han [Sub-Zero] to Syzoth [Reptile] MK1.

I think most people aren't paying enough attention to Bi-Han's nuances because of their own frustrations with specific traits/situations that make up his character (especially because of the way Bi-Han treats Tomas and how most characters despise Bi-Han's actions), but I admire you, @evilbihan and @inflamedrosenkranz, and @cienie-isengardu, and all those who make the slightest effort to understand the character. You are in the minority that highlights these nuances and I think this is so necessary, because I really don't understand how so many people see Sub-Zero Bi-Han from MK9 and Mythologies who barely had lines or interaction with other characters as deeper than Bi-Han Sub-Zero from the Liu Kang Era that got multiple interactions, diverse relationships and much longer story mode time.

Also, I think it's funny to see people saying to this day that Bi-Han Sub-Zero from previous timelines was neutral and now he's like a cartoon villain, as if the old one was somehow more noble than Bi-Han from the Liu Kang era, when all the og Bi-Han did in the past was spare Sareena because she was the only one who BEGGED him not to kill her (after he had already killed 2 demons, his rival Scorpion and more a couple of people to complete the mission) and tried to reverse the actions that the success of his mission would entail after Raiden told him to do so (otherwise, he would die. His realm would be destroyed by his client Quan Chi). Also, Raiden confirmed that his soul was indeed tainted with evil (like, he had a kind of predisposition to end up in Netherrealm for doing bad things and somehow enjoying it).

However, at no point does Liu Kang, the god and creator of Bi-Han in MK1, says that Bi-Han has a "evil heart" or that his soul is tainted with evil as Raiden told him in previous timelines. Other characters who barely know him and know nothing about his and the clan's life before he abandoned the duty imposed by Liu Kang, judge him and judge the things he does as evil without even knowing the reason behind it (and let's be honest, if all the supposed lives that Bi-Han's actions in the hope of elevating the clan cost were taken at the behest of Liu Kang, the same people who judge him would be applauding. As if some lives were worth more than others…).

And unlike Tomas, that mission at the Ying Fortress was not Bi-Han's first and the battle he missed to free Shao from prison in OutWorld would not have been his first battle either.

"After our years of idleness, it pleases me to again face kombat".

Those deep frustrations that Kuai Liang said he knew Bi-Han had, but that he never imagined that Bi-Han would accept the first offer that came along to escape them…

Tomas [Smoke]: Letting Father die… Forsaking Earthrealm? He's abandoned all reason! Kuai Liang [Scorpion]: I knew Bi-Han's frustrations ran deep. But I never thought they could inspire such madness. We can't let his corruption spread.

Did he really never imagine this could happen? Or did he just ignore what Bi-Han felt? What he used to say? And how his brother wasn't the only one who felt that way…

Tomas [Smoke]: What are you doing? Once he's exposed, won't you be made Grandmaster? Kuai Liang [Scorpion]: You forget Cyrax and Sektor. Their loyalty to Bi-Han is absolute. They'll sooner abet his corruption than follow me.

Liu Kang says he abandoned his family and some people say he betrayed his brothers, while in fact Bi-Han offered more than once the opportunity for Kuai Liang and Tomas to join him, but they declined his offers of peace because they did not agree with his vision (and they were bitter because Bi-Han had let their father die, I know I know).

All Bi-Han wants for the clan is a better future and he did what he thought was necessary to achieve it. He would like to share a prosperous future with Kuai Liang (and Tomas, even though he probably prefers Tomas to keep his mouth shut and his enthusiasm for tradition and his "father" to himself), but he was rejected. They are the ones who abandoned him first.

Bi-Han [Sub-Zero]: End this, brother! Embrace the future. Kuai-Liang [Scorpion]: I want no part of it!

Sub-Zero: Heed your Grandmaster! Scorpion: I will not betray our principles.

Sub-Zero: Your rebellion stings. Scorpion: You expect less from Scorpion? Sub-Zero: You could have ruled at my side. Scorpion: Just the thought of it sickens me.

Sub-Zero: I've gained the Lin Kuei's freedom. Smoke: You've only earned them infamy.

Sub-Zero: Resist me, and there will be consequences. Smoke: And to think I once idolized you.

Smoke: I rejected the Lin Kuei to fight for justice. Omni-Man: Justice? How stupidly self-righteous of you.

Bi-Han will not stop pursuing a better future for the Lin Kuei to please Kuai and Liu Kang, because the Lin Kuei is what matters most to him. And I'm really glad that leaks clearly show that Bi-Han was and still is an anti-hero (aka not conventional hero). And I'm not talking about og Bi-Han and his victory over Fujin and Quan Chi, I'm talking about Bi-Han from MK1 who more than once has already put his own life on the line to defend Earthrealm and will continue to defeat anyone, including gods, to defend the people he loves.

He has his own agenda, but even Liu Kang recognizes that it's not an evil one, but as we all know, Bi-Han has been walking crooked to achieve this. I'm not going to delve into how his mother may have influenced his life and the decisions he made or how the supposed not-so-great relationship he had with his father motivated him to do what he did, but there is no shortage of hints that his parents were an important part in the formation of his character (as parents are in the life of anyone who has/had them...),

Sindel: Both your parents were excellent fighters. Kuai Liang [Scorpion]: I can only hope to live up to their example.

Bi-Han [Sub-Zero]: My father was a fool to follow you. Liu Kang: He wisely honored Earthrealm with his service.

Tomas [Smoke]: If Mother were alive… Bi-Han [Sub-Zero]: She would applaud my actions.

I just want to say thanks to anyone who is interested in the nuances of Bi-Han and as much as I don't like certain attitudes of Kuai Liang and Bi-Han, I hope that one day Kuai accepts Bi-Han for who he is, not who he would like him to be, and that Bi-Han gets what he wants in the least destructive way possible. I know, a fighting game needs conflicts, but Bi-Han's connection with Kuai was and will always be eternal. Blood connection is an understatement.

Raiden: I never thought *you* would betray Earthrealm. Sub-Zero: My only loyalty is to the Lin Kuei.

__________

[nanabansama]

Tsukasa's Winter Uniform

Many people forget, but Tsukasa has appeared in TBHK since the very first chapter. He even shows up before Kou, less you count the pilot adaptation.

The odd thing is, despite Tsukasa later confirming he only wore the winter uniform to match his older brother, Tsukasa shows up in the winter uniform much earlier than their fated rooftop encounter. About a month earlier, at least.

If that weren't enough, he even shows up wearing it in the reflection of Hanako's knife, implying he wore it when he died.

Previously I guessed this was done because AidaIro hadn't finalized the designs of Amane (specifically, alive!Hanako) and Tsukasa yet, but upon further reflection I like to think it was to wordlessly show the deep connection between Hanako and Tsukasa. To leave hints for the reader, and keep them second-guessing.

I mean, who's to say the character handling the radio in Chapter 1 wasn't Hanako? It's unlikely with what we know now, but it's something a lot of people probably thought when they first read it. And I think that's kind of brilliant, given that the twins are mirror images of each other in everything except clothes. When we can't see Tsukasa's identical face, it only makes sense to give them the same clothes.

It's interesting when Tsukasa first shows up on the rooftop, too. Tsukasa has a few differences between himself and his twin, but in this encounter he shares much of the same traits. He lacks his pointy teeth and you can't even see his eyes till the end, which don't even look particularly Tsukasa-like.

The only true major difference is his kokujoudai and the black seal, which really lack any individuality at all... they are just black-colored versions of Hanako's own seal and tsueshiro. It's a very interesting choice; the least I can say is Tsukasa really went all out in matching his brother.

In some ways, it's a bit underwhelming for his face reveal. In others, it's not: I mean, Hanako's murder victim literally shares his face! What a compelling surprise! I can only imagine AidaIro was trying to emphasize this.

Later, Tsukasa returns to the broadcasting club room and catches up with Natsuhiko and Sakura. This is where his individuality begins to shine.

He changes into his hakama outfit, his pupils get tiny or his eyes go completely black, and while not every panel has them he's drawn with his signature pointy canines in a few.

His personality changes, too. You get to see Tsukasa's more childlike, innocent side. He's so much more serious when he's with Hanako, you feel a lot of tension and maybe even resentment there. But here, he becomes so carefree. While the rooftop has him feeling more like a spectre of Hanako's guilt rather than his own person, here it really sinks in that this is not just some recolored Hanako we're dealing with.

On that note, I find it interesting the twins seem more carefree when they're away from each other... hmm...

Anyway, one thing I like about this era of Tsukasa is the art AidaIro made of him. I'm a big fan of early TBHK art, and the matching baggy winter uniforms really look nice together.

I like how this art emphasizes a sort of perverted sentimentality between the two of them. They can't help reaching out to each other. I like how Hanako distinctly doesn't look happy either, something Tsukasa inquires when they meet again. He looks distressed, helplessly so. And he is: he can't break away from his guilt of killing Tsukasa, nor Tsukasa himself, who is content to keep eating away at him while he still can, knowing Amane will be his doom. It's mutual self-destruction--They can't live with each other, can't live without each other...

My love for chapter frontispieces aside, thanks for reading this far! I used to not have much appreciation for Tsukasa's winter uniform but I've come to love its symbolism a lot more as time has gone on. Perhaps I'm reading too deep into things, but what do you think?

Also before anyone tries to tell me the Chapter 17 frontispiece isn't Tsukasa allow me to introduce you to the top right corner:

[writingsforwhatever]

Part 2: Love letters to Matthew (m.s.)

Part 1

Please read the author's note in part 1!

Anyway, enjoy.

Her world seemed to halt as Matt's confession hung in the air. Shock rippled through her, rendering her momentarily speechless. It was a revelation she had never anticipated, and it left her grappling for words.

"Matt," she finally managed to utter, her voice quivering. "I... I don't know what to say."

Matt's gaze remained fixed on her. He wore an expression of vulnerability that was entirely new to her. The weight of his confession bore down on her shoulders, and she could feel her own emotions swelling within her. She had spent years wondering about his feelings, longing for some indication that he shared her sentiments. And now, in this unexpected moment, he had laid bare his heart.

Her voice quivering, with tears already forming in her eyes. "I never knew," she spoke softly, breaking the silence again. "I never knew you felt this way."

The unfairness of the situation overwhelmed her. How could he do this, especially when she had already found a home in another person's arms? It just didn't seem fair. Unfairness and dissatisfaction had always seemed to define her relationship with Matt. It had never been enough.

Seeing him in pain like this, knowing that she had felt the same way for so long, tore at her heart. All those years of hurt, of watching him leave and return, had led up to this very moment. Yet, inexplicably, it still felt like it wasn't enough for either of them.

Matt responded, his tone filled with frustration, "Forget it, it doesn't matter. I'll get over it. I just can't be near you right now; I can't even look at you. It hurts too much. Please, just go."

"Matt, don't do this. Please, just hear me out first." She tried to hold back her emotions, but the tears were already falling. However, he was already on his way to the living room, walking away from her.

He turned around once more, his expression marked by a deep frown. "What could you possibly say? You're going to Europe for two and a half months with Luke! Spare me your pity. I don't need it. Please, leave. Just leave me alone." Matt's words were filled with a mix of pain and exasperation, as he struggled to cope with the situation. Unable to bear the weight of the emotions any longer, she ran past him and out of the house, tears streaming down her face. Matt heard the front door slam shut, and he could hear Chris and Nick calling her name.

~

Europe was different from any place she'd ever been, olive groves stretched out before her, their silvery leaves shimmering in the sunlight. The gentle breeze carried the scent of blooming flowers, adding to the idyllic atmosphere yet her thoughts often wander off to the boy who was thousands of miles away from her.

Matthew is in love with her. This in fact didn't make things better as much as she thought it would. For years, she had secretly yearned to hear those three little words spill from his lips, believing that it would bring clarity, but it only added a layer of complexity to their relationship.

Matt’s confession had been long-awaited, but she couldn't help but think and feel that distance and time had definitely changed things; he lived on one coast, she was in college meeting new people on the other. No matter how hard she tried, he was drifting away. His love arrived too late. Matt needed to accept this, just as she had quietly done over the years.

She has Luke now. Luke, who loves and cares for her deeply. Their love is quiet and simple but it's sure. Unlike her relationship with Matt, which always felt intricately complicated, Luke's love was a beacon of simplicity and warmth.

The night Matt confessed his feelings, she cried under her covers while Luke, slept soundly beside her, oblivious to the emotional storm that had raged within her. It wasn't how she imagined their friendship would end, but it was inevitable.

Someone always gets hurt.

She knows this.

And it's both of them.

When Luke asked about the stains on her cheeks when she got home, she brushed him off, saying she was emotional about leaving her parents and friends for a few months. As they landed in New York, Luke remained unaware of her hidden sadness and when the plane took off for France, Luke held her hand firmly. Below them, the vibrant city lights of New York City shone brightly, yet her thoughts remained to the boy back in Boston.

She watched Luke's friends, Fiona and Andrew, their laughter echoing in the warm air. The warmth of the sun making everyone's cheeks pink, but her mind was still elsewhere. His words that day lingered like shadows in the sun's gentle glow, reminding her that their friendship could end for good.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked, taking a seat beside her with a freshly made mango shake in hand.

She offered a small smile in response. "Yeah, just feeling a bit homesick. I can't wait to get back home."

Luke returned her smile. "I get it. Home is home, but I'll miss this place for sure. Italy is amazing."

"It really is," she said, her eyes drifting over the scenery in front of them.

Luke shifted the conversation. "Have you talked to your parents yet?"

She nodded. "Yeah, they're doing well. My dad mentioned that Haley has a crush on our neighbor, Josh," she shared, rolling her eyes playfully and letting out a chuckle.

Luke almost choked on his drink, chuckling too. "Oh boy, Josh better watch out."

She nodded, acknowledging that her little sister could be quite a handful at times, but she loved her, nonetheless.

Luke's curiosity turned to her friends. "What about your friends? Chris and his brothers? How are they?"

Her thoughts briefly wandered to a recent text from Alahna. "Alahna visited them in L.A. 2 days ago."

Luke, unaware of her feelings of not wanting to talk about them, continued the conversation. "Nice. How are they?"

"Who?" she asked, momentarily confused, her gaze shifting to the side.

"Chris, Nick, and Matt?" Luke clarified, his eyes lingering on her profile to gauge her reactions. "And Alahna?"

"They're doing great," she replied. "Alahna mentioned they're planning to take her to Beverly Hills before she heads back to Boston."

Luke nodded in understanding. Sensing her desire to change the subject. "You want to swim later?"

Her eyes lit up with excitement as she replied, "Absolutely! Let's do it." Grateful for the subject change she pushed the Matt thoughts in the back of her head.

~

"You suck at cooking eggs, Alahna." Chris teased, a playful tone in his voice. It was the first week of September 2023, and the late morning sunlight of Los Angeles shone through the kitchen, making the room bright and warm.

"It's not my fault that you scared me. I thought you'd be up later." Alahna defended, grinning.

"I couldn't sleep anymore; you woke me up with all your ruckus here." Chris said lightheartedly. "I'm surprised you didn't wake up Matt over there."

Alahna set up the plates for her and Chris, the newly cooked eggs now a little bit saggy and one slightly burnt. "You know he was up all night?" she whispered, a hint of concern in her voice.

"He was?" Chris asked, sitting down.

"Yeah, I came downstairs to grab a glass of water, and apparently, he saw Luke's post on Snapchat."

"How did you know?"

"He was sitting here. I could see his phone. I recognized that picture because I saw it too just minutes before."

"The... him and?" Chris trailed off, understanding dawning on him. It was a photo of Luke and her kissing at the pool. A sweet, innocent kiss, but it was enough to shatter Matt's heart into pieces.

Alahna sat down and looked Chris in the eyes. "Chris, I forgot to tell you, but remember the time Matt had a girlfriend?"

Chris's eyes locked onto Alahna's, urging her to continue. He remembered those days with the girl from Florida.

"Well, about a month after, I think? I forgot exactly when. It was a long time ago. But Chloe and I met with her, and she admitted that she has been in love with Matt for years. We told her we already knew—" Alahna chuckled, and Chris nodded in agreement.

"What?" Matt's voice echoed from the wall beside his bedroom doorway, leaving Chris and Alahna exchanging shocked expressions.

Matt's voice hung in the air. "Matt," Chris began cautiously, stepping closer to him, "we didn't mean for you to hear that. It's just that Alahna and I were talking, and..."

Matt interrupted, his voice tinged with a mixture of disbelief and pain, "She said that?"

Alahna nodded solemnly, her concern deepening. "Yes, Matt."

Matt's expression tightened, his fists clenching at his sides. "How long have you known, Chris?"

Chris sighed sadly, choosing his words carefully. "She didn't admit it to me, but I've always known, you know? Bro, anyone could see it in her face. She's always been about you. For years."

Matt turned away; frustration evident as he ran his hand through his messy hair while he processed what he had just heard. "I can't believe this… I was so blind, and now it's too late," he muttered.

Alahna stood up and walked over to Matt, her voice gentle. "Matt, I'm really sorry you had to find out this way. It wasn't our place to tell you because we know how much it would mean coming from her. She loves you a lot. I hope you know that."

Matt stayed quiet for a moment, lost in thought. It all started to make sense now—the times she turned away or seemed distant when he had a girlfriend back in 9th grade, the fake smiles she wore when he talked about his high school crushes. He felt incredibly stupid, realizing that Nick had been right all along. He was beginning to think he was the most oblivious person on the planet, especially remembering how she had gotten sad when he didn't mention having a girlfriend from Florida. He had misinterpreted her feelings as mere sensitivity.

She had been in love with him for years, and he had been too oblivious to see it. And now, she's with someone else.

"What are you gonna do?" Chris asked, his eyes filled with sympathy as he observed his brother processing the revelation.

Matt sighed deeply, his shoulders slumping. "I don't know, Chris," he admitted, uncertainty clouding his thoughts.

"He's not going to do anything, Chris," Nick chimed in, his voice carrying the grogginess of just waking up. His tousled hair and half-asleep appearance drew everyone's attention.

"Nick," Alahna cautioned, her tone barely above a whisper.

Nick shrugged, unfiltered as ever. "What? Matt had his chance, and he missed it. She's happy now. Why would he want to ruin that for her?" he bluntly stated, embodying the frank and opinionated brother he had always been.

Chris, torn between his desire to see them together and the undeniable truth in Nick's words, couldn't help but nod in agreement. Matt had indeed let his opportunity slip away long ago, and now he had to face the consequences of it.

Matt sat down and lowered his head, absorbing his brother's words like a heavy truth he couldn't deny. The weight of missed chances and regret hung in the air.

Alahna exchanged a meaningful glance with Nick, understanding his perspective, even if it stung.

As the morning light crept into the room, the silence continued.

Nick sighed deeply, closing his eyes as to calm himself. This time he spoke with gentleness in his tone, "Look, Matt. I'm not trying to be negative or anything... But I've seen her get hurt over and over again by you. I just- She's with Luke. It would be unfair."

Nick’s straightforwardness, as abrasive as it might have sounded, held an undeniable truth. He was the voice of reason in the room. His message was clear: it would not be fair to all of them.

Matt grumbled, his hands pressing against his forehead in frustration. "I had no idea she loved me, Nick," he admitted with frustration.

Nick looked at him with a sad expression. "We know, and funnily, even your ex could see it," he said softly.

Matt let out a deep sigh remembering the fight he and his ex-girlfriend had when he admitted that he kissed his best friend. "If she's happy, then I'm happy. It's okay. I'll be okay." He stood up, trying to put on a brave face.

The three of them shared knowing looks, aware of the emotions in the room. Chris decided to bring up a painful topic. "Matt, you also need to apologize for what happened back home when you told her to leave."

Matt's cheerful demeanor faltered briefly. "I'll apologize when she gets back from Europe," he replied, not wanting to dwell on the day she had left his house, when he had wanted to chase after her but didn't. He had spent nights crying and regretting what he did, ignoring Chris and Nick's knocks on his door.

As Matt walked toward his room, he added, "I'm going to be okay. Trust me."

Understanding that Matt was only lying to himself, they let it go.

‘Be there in 10 😊 see ya’

She looked at Matt’s text for a few seconds before sighing, a heavy sadness enveloping her. It's the first day of Senior year the final chapter of high school, and here she was, trying to mend her broken heart.

"Are you okay, honey?" Her mother's green eyes full of concern. Beside her mom is Haley's school clothes all folded neatly ready to be worn.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Just not feeling like going to school, that's all," she replied, her gaze fixed on her worn-out Converse.

"Why? Talk to me about it," her mother urged, taking a seat beside her. "Is it about your subjects? Your teachers?"

She sighed again, glancing at the time on her phone. "It's Matt."

Her mother furrowed her eyebrows, clearly lost and confused. "Matt? Did you guys have a fight?"

Since when had Matthew upset her daughter?

"No, Mom. We didn't fight," she replied, impatient. She kept looking out the window, feeling nervous.

"Then why..."

"It's just..." She paused, aware of the curious looks her mom is giving her. "He has a girlfriend, Emily, and she's been with us all summer. He said it's not serious, but I don't know. I don't know why I'm feeling like this." Her shoulders slumped at the little confession, but her mother knew.

Matt was a constant presence in her daughter's life, just as much as his own brothers. They grew up together, celebrated Christmases, birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Halloween — every occasion imaginable.

Her mother, Elizabeth always had a hunch, but she believed they were probably too young to comprehend or understand.

As for Matt, he was bound to break a few hearts, even though Elizabeth hoped her daughter wouldn't be one of them, yet she understood that it was inevitable. Her daughter and the blue-eyed boy were as thick as thieves. They were inseparable. And so now that she has confessed without really saying it, she knew.

And she just hopes the fall wouldn't be too high and prays that she'll find the strength to weather the heartbreak that comes with it.

"Why? What are you feeling?" She asked gently, hoping but not pushing her to open up.

"I don't know. I'm confused and I'm hurt. I'm hurt that he has a girlfriend," she said with a sad smile.

Bingo.

"Oh, honey." Elizabeth enveloped her into a hug, soothingly rubbing her back. "How long have you been feeling this way?"

"Months."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"Of course not," she replied, standing up and shaking her head. "I'd never. He's going to want to not be friends with me, Mom. I know Matt."

"If it's bothering you so much, just try. I'm sure he'll understand, sweetheart." Her mom stood up too, trying to catch her eyes. "This is Matt we're talking about, aren't we? He cares about you. He'll unders-"

"No, no way!" She argued, already walking towards the front door. "Just forget I said this, mom. I'll get over it."

Elizabeth could only watch her daughter walk away before she could say goodbye, anxiously waiting for the familiar car that had been arriving at their house like clockwork ever since Matt had learned to drive.

Chris runs down the stairs at 7 am in the morning. "Matt, let's go we're gonna be late."

Nick was already in the car, grumbling. "What took you so long? And who are you texting?"

Matt rolled his eyes, inserting the key into the ignition and starting the car. "Can you shut your mouth Nick? It's too early for you to be talking this loud."

It was clear that Matt's feeling anxious by going back to school again. People just never made sense to him, especially people from high school. He hated it. Hated them.

As they made a stop to pick up Alahna and Emily, the road is still slightly damp from last night's rain. Gradually, a sense of realization began to dawn upon Matt - It was their finaly year in high school, and he couldn't help but feel grateful for it.

Meanwhile, she watched as Matt's car approached her driveway. She couldn't deny the sinking feeling in her chest as she saw Emily sitting in the back with Alahna. Of course, she's here. As the car pulled up, she took a deep breath and mirrored Nick's cheerful laughing smile and mood.

"Hey youuuu." Nick teased as she climbed to sit beside him. "Missed you."

"You literally just saw me last week, Nick." She chuckled, glancing at Matt from the corner of her eyes, not fully acknowledging him. "Hi Chris."

"Hi bestie, long time no see." Chris turned his whole body to look and flash a playful smile at her.

"Shut up."

She exchanged waves with Emily and Alahna. From the driver's seat, Matt felt a sense of confusion wash over him. He couldn't help but wonder why she didn't even greet him.

In November 2023, she saw Matthew again.

When Chris mentioned that they were coming home back in October, she remained resolute in her decision to remain confined within her school dorm. She didn't want to meet them and see Matt. Just the thought of last June, when he confessed his love right before she left for Europe with Luke, still haunted her.

She sometimes wonders if he did it because he was being mean, or he just doesn't want to see her happy. Cause why now? Why now that she has already found someone that truly loves her?

He was unfair, she thought. The bad timing of his love just broke her heart over again.

The kiss last year, Matt's girlfriend and now this - It was all cruel and she couldn't endure it any longer, especially when she has spent her entire life loving him. She deserved to be happy.

And so, she ignored their texts. She knew she was being a bad friend by not replying. Matt made several attempts to reach out, offering apologies in the weeks following her return from Italy, but she ignored them still. They stopped eventually and she couldn't deny, it made her a little sad.

Her plan to distance herself from Matt and anyone connected to him was successful until Thanksgiving in November arrived.

In all her mother's holiday spirit, Elizabeth had extended yet another invitation to the boys' family for the upcoming occasion after seeing Marylou at the grocery store two weeks ago. This had been their tradition for years as family friends and Elizabeth was completely oblivious to the inner turmoil her daughter had been wrestling within for months.

However, everything changed when she heard Nick's familiar laughter emanating from downstairs, causing her to freeze in her tracks, despite being already halfway down the staircase. She stood there, frozen, her eyes locked with the boy she had painstakingly avoided for the past few months. Matt held her gaze and for a moment, it was like they're the only people in the room. 

One thing stood out - Matt looked different and she couldn't help but notice it. He was clad in a blue flannel shirt and jeans, a combination that remarkably complemented his features. It seemed almost impossible, but the outfit made his blue eyes even bluer. On that chilly Thanksgiving night in Boston, Matthew Sturniolo appeared almost angelic, emitting an air of maturity that was a far cry from the Matt she remembered from their high school days. The years had been kind to him, and her heart ached with the realization of just how much she had missed him even though it had only been a few months. She realized that, deep down, she still cared about him, and it will never change. Matt will always have place in her heart that he owns.

Walking down the stairs, she couldn't help but feel like a girl going to prom, with her date waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. Only, in this case, her date was a handsome, blue-eyed boy wearing a pair of New Balance sneakers.

The room’s silence was broken only by the soft murmur of the exchanged how are yous and the pounding of her heart. Chris, ever the mediator, exchanged a quick glance with Nick, and then he cleared his throat, attempting to ease the tension in the room.

She took a deep breath and smiled when he was inches away from her, she couldn’t help but think that this Thanksgiving might be different from all the others, and it had nothing to do with the Roast Chicken with Maple Butter on the table and Chris’s smirk.

As everyone in the room felt the awkwardness, they all retreated to the cozy living room, leaving her and Matt alone. Nick and Chris gave her comforting hugs before following their own parents, Nick shot her a look that said, "We'll discuss this later," while Chris wore a sly grin that she couldn't resist rolling her eyes at. Oh, how she missed them terribly.

Finally, Matt broke the silence, keeping a safe distance from her. "Hi," he said, his voice carrying a mixture of longing and regret, "It's been too long."

Her throat felt dry, but she managed a small smile in return. "Yeah, it has," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "You look... good."

She couldn’t believe that after all this time, Matt still had that effect on her.

Matt chuckled softly, his eyes never leaving her face. "I could say the same about you," he said, his gaze softening. "Different but still the same you I knew."

The silence after Matt spoke hung in the air, both of them seemingly lost. The other room beside them remained hushed, everyone subtly listening to their conversation.

Before she could respond, Matt cleared his throat, mentally scolding himself for making her uncomfortable with his feelings. "How was Europe?"

"Europe was incredible," she replied, briefly breaking eye contact with him. "It was beautiful."

"I'm sure it was," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

The way he said it, so softly, made her glance up at him again only to find him looking at her still. Matt smiled, a hint of resignation in his expression as he nodded and tucked his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. It was now his turn to break eye contact. "I'm sure it was," he repeated, the realization dawning on her.

Europe. Matt. Their plan. She cringed.

Just as she was about to say something again, Chris interrupted, his voice carrying a teasing tone, “Hey, you two, hate to break up the reunion, but dinner’s ready.”

She couldn’t help but laugh, her cheeks turning a shade of pink. “Alright, Chris, we’re coming,” she replied, grateful for the interruption.

Matt shot his brother a knowing look and smiled.

After the lively dinner, with Matt and Chris by her side, making jokes about missing each other, and her dad sharing a funny memory, the tension faded away quickly and like always, the usual routine after such gatherings – they all gathered in the living room to play different board games. She glanced around, seeing Nick and Justin on the other side of the room. Meanwhile, Chris was engrossed in conversation with both her dad and his, laughter filled the room.

However, even amid the happy ambiance, a sad thought worked its way to her mind – how much longer would these gatherings remain a constant in their lives? They were like a lifeline to her memories of childhood. She could come to terms with not ending up with Matt but the notion that this might never happen again bothered her.

Nick's voice abruptly pulled her from her thoughts. "Matt wants to talk to you," he whispered.

"Huh? Where is he?" She scanned the room, her confusion growing.

Nick couldn't help but chuckle at her bewildered state as he patted her shoulder. "You're zoning out, girl."

"I'm sorry. Where is he, Nick?"

"He's in the car, waiting for you," Nick pointed at the front door.

"What? Why? Is he crazy? It's freezing out!" She hurriedly searched for her coat from the other room, ready to rush out, but Nick stopped her before she could leave. "Just talk to Matt, okay? Sort things out. Be patient with him. You mean a lot to him, and I know you still care. If I'm really wrong and you're not into him anymore, please, just let him down gently."

Speechless, her throat went dry. In the background, she could hear their families talking, soft chatters filling the room with warmth. She met Nick's eyes once more, nodding in understanding. "I love him, Nick."

This time, it was her response that made Nick hug her. "I know."

He eventually released her, "Just be honest with Matt, he can take it."

"And be honest with yourself." Nick added, his gaze gentle but knowing.

It was clear that Nick could see thru her facade. She had never stopped loving Matt, and she couldn't even imagine the day she won't. With a final glance to her friend she had known her whole life, she stepped outside, finding Matt in his phone as he sat inside the car.

"Matthew Bernard Sturniolo, I swear to God, I'm going to kill you," she exclaimed, her voice echoing through the house. Her furious footsteps reverberated as she chased Matt around, her sock-clad feet making a soft padding sound against the wooden floor. She could already sense Nick's growing frustration and annoyance about what could be causing this commotion on a quiet afternoon.

As she watched Matt's mop of brown hair rushing down the stairs, she couldn't help but burst into laughter at how silly he looked. She knew she couldn't compete with Matt's long strides.

"Matt, I'm dead serious," she called out, following him to the kitchen and towards his brother's room. However, it was too late; he was already halfway to Nick's, his laughter filling the room as he locked the door behind him.

"What the fuck is going on?" Nick stood up, clearly taken aback by the noise. He walked towards his door to unlock it, allowing her to come in.

It had been a warm Saturday afternoon when Matt had invited her to hang out at his house. The day had started off peacefully, with the two of them lying on his bed but then Matt had snatched her phone from her hand after noticing she had been on Snapchat for 10 minutes, giggling.

"Seriously, Matt, this isn't funny. Give me my phone!" Her voice pleading.

Matt chuckled, raising his hand to signal "wait" when Nick made an attempt to snatch the phone from his grasp. His eyes darted over the Snapchat conversation at lightning speed, a glint of mischief in his eyes when he glanced back at her.

"Come on, Matt, give her the phone back," Nick groaned, evidently tired. "What are you even looking at?"

"She has a crush on that football guy, Daniel," Matt chuckled again.

"The senior?" Nick asked, an amused and surprised expression forming as he turned to look at her.

She protested, "No, I don't!" Taking a step closer to Matt, she added, "Give it back, Matt!"

"Just a sec," he hushed her once more, retreating against the wall, eyes fixed on her phone screen. He finally looked back at her, his smile fading. "He asked you out to Homecoming?"

Nick smirked at her. "He did? Oh my goodness."

She sighed, embarrassment washing over her. "Well, I'm not even sure if I'm going."

"Why not? Daniel Thompson is hot." Nick replied.

She blushed, her face turning hot. Once again, Matt shifted his attention from the phone to her, locking eyes with her. He held her gaze and with a shrug, tossed her phone onto Nick's bed. "He's a jerk."

With a groan, she reached for her phone. "Ugh. I hate you so much."

She walked out of the room, leaving the two of them behind.

Matt swiftly followed her to the living room and back upstairs to his room, where they had been hanging out just five minutes earlier. "You never told me you'd been talking to him."

Rolling her eyes, she started going up the stairs. Her back to him. "I don't have to tell you everything, you know."

"So what? Are you guys a thing now?" Matt asked, his brows furrowed. A subtle hint of jealousy in his expression.

She continued walking towards his room, yearning for the comfort of his bed. Ready to be swallowed whole by his comforters. "No, we're not."

With a frown, she turned to face him. "God, you're so annoying, Matt. Why do you care? And he's not a jerk, for your information. You don't even know him."

Upon arriving in Matt's room, he closed the door and watched her climb back into his bed, grabbing her phone. With a dismissive roll of his eyes, he joined her on the bed. "Yes, he is. Oh my God. Did you not hear what he did to Stacy Martin last year?"

"They'd broken up when he did that."

"Whatever, I'm just saying he's not a good guy," he frowned, his eyes fixed on her face.

"What's your issue with Daniel? Can't I have a date? He's the only one who asked me out, you know," she stated matter-of-factly, sounding a bit sad. Matt could see her turn away from him, wounded by her own confession.

"Are you kidding me? I'm sure someone else would. Just not Daniel fucking Thompson, jesus," Matt muttered. He knew he was being unreasonably harsh, but he couldn't fathom why she chose Daniel Thompson as her date. Of all people!

"Enough, Matt. You don't know anything."

"I don't know anything? You don't even know he threw his chips at me in 3rd grade!"

"Oh my God. So this is about what happened in 3rd grade? You guys were 8 years old! Holy crap," she stood up, leaving. "I'm going to Nick's room. You're so annoying."

Matt was left momentarily speechless as he watched her walked out of the room. "I'm just trying to look out for you," he called after her.

Turning around to face him, arms crossed. "You don't have to. I can handle it myself."

"You're my best friend, I just care about you." Matt whispered.

Feeling her heart break at his words, she replied, "If I'm your best friend, then why did you ask Nicole out?"

Matt groaned, pinching his forehead in frustration. "It's not the same. Nicole is different."

A heavy silence enveloped them. She regretted opening this can of worms. Matt had no idea how deeply it had hurt her when she found out that he asked this girl out for homecoming. He could ask anyone, doesn’t matter if it’s not her, just not Nicole, but he still did.

"She hates me, Matt," she shot back, a mixture of anger and frustration on her face.

"No, she doesn't!" Matt whispered loudly, his eyes pleading as he defended.

"Fuck you. I'm leaving."

Matt watched her rush down the stairs, slamming his front door. He sighed, running his hands through his hair. Chris came out of his own room, hearing everything.

"Is your girlfriend mad at you again?" he teased.

"Shut up, Chris."

"I told you, Matt. She likes you."

"Shut the fuck up, Chris!”

Meanwhile, Nick watched the exchange from the sidelines, a knowing smile playing on his lips. As the door closed behind Matt, he couldn't help but think that perhaps there was more to their friendship than meets the eye. But he decided to keep that to himself for now and let them figure it out on their own.

As she walked down her steps, thoughts of Luke consumed her. Luke, who was now her ex-boyfriend, remained blissfully oblivious of the ongoing chaos, primarily centered around her and Matt.

When she was about to open the passenger door, she found Matt already extending his arms to open it for her.

"Hey."

"Hi," she replied offering a small smile as she settled into her seat. She watched Matt attentively as he took a moment to collect himself, fully aware that this night could either make or break her. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah," Matt whispered, nodding. His fingers restlessly fidgeting.

She nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"I wanted to apologize for last time. What I did was uncalled for. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I'm truly, deeply sorry."

"Matt—"

"Let me finish because if I don't say this now, I'll never get the chance to say it again," he cut her off, lowering his gaze to his knuckles. Slowly, he turned to face her entirely, and she couldn't help but notice the scent of his shampoo and the faint flush on his cheeks and lips from the cold.

"I'm sure you already know where I'm going with this, right?" He asked, his eyes locking onto hers through his lashes. She didn't know if it was the way he's looking at her or the nervous fidgeting of his fingers, but she swore her heart never beat this fast.

"Listen, it all came crashing down on me. All those years of stalling, all this denial. It's like my eyes were closed and when I opened it, you're all I could see. God, this is so weird, but I love you, okay?" Matt rambled and took a deep breath. "You're my best friend and I'm in love with you. How crazy is that? I thought that only happens in movies."

"Matt—"

"And I hate myself for it. I swear I'm not saying this because I'm expecting you to feel the same way. I'll get over this, alright? Just give me time."

"Matt—"

"...because I can't lose you. You mean so much to me. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself—"

She replied with an eye roll, her fingers clutching the collar of his flannel shirt. At that very moment, it was as though the entire world had faded away,

The kiss was a culmination of all the pent-up longing they had held onto. For Matt, this moment had been a year in the making since that unforgettable night in L.A. The soft pressure of their lips meeting perfectly is making her go crazy. He was initially taken aback, but his hands instinctively found their place on her neck. His fingers caressing her cheeks, making her stomach tingly from the warm she's feeling all over her body. She had to break the kiss off to breathe, but Matt pulled her back. "The second time's even better," he whispered to himself causing her to blush.

Matthew Sturniolo, in his awkward nature, didn't know why he was so natural at kissing her and how easy it felt. The kiss was tender and heated, leaving them both breathless. She rested her right hand on his shoulder, feeling the soft fabric of his shirt.

And then, as if Matt couldn't make her melt any further, he spoke in the softest, most loving voice she had ever heard from him. "Come closer.”

Matt traced her bottom lip, eyes never leaving her parted lips. “You have no idea how much I love you. I’m sorry if I made it seem like I regret kissing you last year because I don’t.”

He kissed her once more, this time with a slow, gentle tenderness that made her feel like she might dissolve into a puddle from the softness of it. “I could never.”

“You’re driving me crazy, Matthew,” she murmured foolishly, her mouth still entwined with his.

With a gentle chuckle, he broke off their kiss and locked his gaze onto her, making her feel a bit shy. "So does this mean you feel the same..."

"Oh my god, Matt." She shook her head, smiling. "I've been waiting for you to say these things since high school."

"Wait, what?"

“You really think I’m not head over heels in love with your dumb fucking ass?” She playfully rolled her eyes, enjoying his reactions.

“Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that?”

"Matt, first of all, you're incredibly dense and second, even your grandma knows it."

He sighed, remembering the times he had talked with his brothers, even his mom. "Even grammie?!"

She groaned, covering her face. "Maaatttt," she muttered.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Matt smiled softly, his cheeks matching the blush that was forming on her face. He reached for her hands, intertwining his fingers with her. "For everything. I was so blind..."

Before he could continue, she interrupted him with another kiss, and just as it was about to deepen, she pulled away, whispering and giggling, "Took you long enough."

Matt was the first one through the door, leading the way with her hand tightly held in his. A heartwarming scene unfolded before them as their entire family stood there, all sharing knowing smiles, and watching in hushed anticipation. It was Matt's father who couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Finally!" which was met with a chorus of cheers and clapping.

Chris approached them first with open arms, enveloping Matt in a bear hug and then her, a big grin on his face as he playfully teased, "Fucking finally."

"It's about time!" Her dad chimed in with a whistle. "Woohoo! I knew it!"

Her cheeks turned a shade of pink, and she buried her face in Matt's arms, muttering. "Oh my god, dad."

"aww" and "finally" echoed around them making the atmosphere more joyful than ever.

As Matt held her close, she couldn't help but think about the letters she'd show him later.

On that cold November night in 2023, Matthew Sturniolo officially became hers.

[sonicasura]

Realizing this now but Poppy Playtime would fit in the Transformersverse creepily well once you think about it. Shockwave, Meltdown, Mandroid, Tarantulas... They have experimented and create terror for various purposes that left either disgust, horror, or both on viewers than just the opposition.

Poppy Playtime could fit right in even more so when you notice how the toys operate. All of them are taught to pretend to be normal children playthings. Still like statues until no one notices and the perfect time to strike. Ambush predators that need to eat as there is evidence like tailoring Boxy Boo's appetite to human flesh(to get rid of those who knew too much) in a recording found inside Project Playtime or the EXP.1006/The Prototype not needing to eat unlike the other experiments within a recording inside Poppy Playtime.

I can't forget the most darkest information. These living toys were once human and the Chapter 3 ARG has given more evidence children being potential subjects. In Chapter 2, there are documents that label a kid's name but also a toy in the Game Station.

Children were actively being tested by scientists before the conversion. However the final nail in the coffin is this official video from Mob Entertainment's YouTube page. A confirmed toy who was once a person.

It gets even worse. This shit is morbid enough so how bad can it become? The Bigger Bodies Initiative. A plan to make giant toys for the purpose of labor. Legitimate slave labor in order to cut costs as these human experiments will work to sustain the factory until they are killed. Toys meant to never age so they continue to live unless put out of their misery.

Now I know you're thinking they couldn't stand a chance against Cybertronians. A giant toy might be able to offline Minicons and damage regular bots to some degree unless trained to aim for weakspots. Like ambush predators tend to do. TFA Optimus and TFP Arcee wouldn't have fun with Mommy Long Legs due to personal trauma involving spiders.

No, the danger is directed to their human companions. Most Transformers series has at least one person becoming an important member of the team with the majority being teenagers and CHILDREN. Poppy Playtime's monstrous toys can easily kill humans as Boxy Boo is made to devour adults whole without a peep.

There's no way to discern or even expect a simple children's plaything could be a man eating monster. Optimus kills a toy that found its way into base and Ratchet does an autopsy. Imagine their horror upon discovering human organs being intertwined to make an actual alive creature.

The dread only deepens as realization dawns that these are from children. Someone is bound to feel ill especially when you consider Optimus fondness for humans and the iterations with young charges. Death seems natural to a species intertwined by war for over multiple millenia.

They stomach the grief as until the battle is truly won, they can't mourn fallen comrades for long without being in constant danger. What people like Shockwave does to others truly wrought terror. To know their own kind is subjected to experimentation so extreme, so vile, that you don't believe there's a line this person won't cross.

Real horror can come from those they cherish becoming targets to an unforeseen threat. Morbid realization that toys could kill and devour the humans who snared their sparks. The disgust since these monsters once being their charges' species even possibly their age. And it can be your fault as toys like plushies are common innocent gifts.

TFP Bulkhead getting Miko a little Catnap toy as a present for her birthday. Imagine his horror seeing the girl unconscious, pain etched on her face from vivid nightmares. The toy he gave to Miko ready to take a bite out of her neck until he crushes it. Bulkhead would be forever haunted by the incident.

Now there are two threats hiding in plain sight. The machinery used for everyday life can potentially be a war criminal with the only indicator of potential death being an emblem. Now simple children playthings are possibly a former human that feeds on others.

And this threat doesn't have a warning sign until it's too late.

For those who want to delve further then here are the recordings so far. Chapter 1 & 2, Ch 3, Project Playtime Phase 1+2. Chapter 3 ARG summarized can be found here. Finally the documents from Poppy Playtime right here.

[the-stove-is-divorced]

Just read your post about the 100 subscriber, and wanted to congratulate you, so :

Congratulations!! 🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉

You totally deserve it and even more. Honestly I'm surprised not more people are subscribed smh

Anyway, seeing as this is a great opportunity to take a sneak peak, I will gladly take it lol

So, my question is, what happens next in your Steven x gotham crossover? And what where you thinking when you decide to merge something as dark and twisted with something also as dark and twisted but better well hidden than the other franchise?

Seriously I wanna open and dissect your brain and see what up with it (not complaining tho, your crossovers are always fun to read)

THANK YOU! ( ´ ▽ ` ) And oh, I haven't thought about that fic in a hot minute, haha. I kinda wanna re-write bits since I absolutely relied on fanon, unfortunately, bleh. But to answer ya, Steven ends up meeting Damian while looking for a new job! I'll put a excerpt down below :D

As for what I was thinking, the idea came to be suddenly, and I was so enraptured by it, I had to write myself. As for why it's so compelling to me: Steven, unlike, characters like Danny from DP, or Spider-Man for crossovers, does not fit in Gotham's world. The others make sense. They fit the mold of vigilante, secret identities, a specific flavor of hero angst, perils from villains, etc, which is why it's so easy to imagine them there. They can adapt easily. They make sense. They fit Gotham's ecosystem, they're vigilantes.

But Steven? He's like a bright pink canon ball of chaos to me. He's a hero, but not seen in the same way the others are, he doesn't hide his identity because everyone knows who he is, and he has to escape his own own narrow expectations of who he's supposed to be. His villains aren't just familiar strangers, but directly impacted by Diamonds, if not Diamonds themselves at one point. His hero-like angst comes from responsibility, a desire to help, but he gets to retire, he has to, for his own sanity.

There's still horror, angst, gut punches, peril, etc, but it's shaped so differently, that putting someone like Steven in to the Gotham ecosystem has to disrupt it, and how that can happen fascinates me deeply. It's still a character adapting to Gotham, but also Gotham adapting to him, or at least, if I got that far. He doesn't quite fit the mold of teenage vigilante, like the others do, and thus what to do with him and think of him (via heroes, villains, civilians), and what he'll do is a delightful to think about. But he's still strange enough that it isn't outrageous to consider, because Gotham is strange, it has to be by nature. It can't go like how crossovers tend to go, which is exactly what I wanted, or tried to attempt.

Sliding over closer, carefully still, Damian lets his hand waver around the lion's nose, letting the creature sniff it if need be, to which it simply blinks, expectantly.

Damian swallows, and gently, lets his fingers brush the lion’s mane. It’s so soft. He can’t help but coo, quietly, brushing as much as it allows. He curses, he wishes he hadn’t broken his arm, otherwise he could be petting it with both of his hands, as he should’ve been destined to do.

Foolishly, too overcome by the beauty of the lion he forgets his troubles, Damian clenching his fist tight, an ache spikes right back in retaliation, making him hiss and wince. He freezes, instinctively, over displaying such an open weakness before a stranger. Then again, there is nothing particularly frightening about him. Other than Damian’s usual, reasonable sense of wary paranoia, and ignoring his basis for the big cat, this teen reeks of tourist obliviousness fitting for Metropolis and potentially damning for one existing in Gotham. The teenager, the stranger with the Lion, doesn’t seem dangerous, either. Or capable of it, really. He’s disgustingly friendly. Unless-

The teenager’s eyes linger over to Damian’s cast, interrupting Damian’s paranoid spiral. “Oh, your arm! Is it broken? Do you, um, do you want me to fix that? Your arm? I can?”

The older teenager points at Damian’s cast, his head tilted ever so slightly, and when the light catches, the wind brushing back the leaves to spotlight his eyes, his black pupils seem almost cat-like for a second, a shaded pink hue embedded within them, distinctly in the shape of diamonds. 

Alien, Damian almost breathes. He’s gotta be an alien. Either that or a meta. Or, a heavy magic user to be shaped so subtly by his own magic, or to be so thoroughly warped by some sort of artifact. Damian stares at him, and decides sporadically, if just for the sake of seeing where this goes, and silently remarking if this is a kidnapping scheme, he’s knocking this guy unconscious and stealing his lion, nods. Better yet, if he’s a criminal, he has stumbled upon a tidy excuse to show how greatly he can perform in spite of such an injury. 

“You may assist.” 

The teenager does not whisper some ancient, ritual spell, nor does he transfer his hands upon Damian’s cast, murmuring words beyond human comprehension. Seamlessly, the teeenager licks his finger, and pokes Damian in the arm, pressing gently, before looking at him expectantly. 

The man’s a lunatic, Damian swiftly decides.

And like any normal, rational being with any functioning brain matter, he quickly calculates how many steps to take in order to dropkick this fiend into the dirt, without dirtying his clothes, and thus capturing Father’s suspicion. Cannot get caught doing any labor, less his family notices, and decides to stick with him something as stupid as a babysitter of some sort. Though, this weirdness probably would be justifiable for perhaps body slamming him into the ground and snapping his fingers.Just as Damian shifts back, something happens.

His arm glitters.

Light wraps around it, glowing softly beneath the cast, a fluttery, spiral of pink drifting into the air, warmth tingling his bones until he flexes his arm, bracing for the harsh spike of pain, but none comes. There’s no soreness, no exhaustion, no nothing. The light fades, and jut like that: his arm is fixed. It feels fine. It feels normal. It doesn’t even ache.

He pauses. His mind whirs. 

Damian stares at the (possibly insane, or socially oblivious, yet strangely, perhaps, genuinely friendly) alien, (or meta, or magic, to be determined) boy and his majestic pink lion. He flexes his arm again. Wiggles it. Tense it. Hits it. No pain, no numbing sensation, or strange marks that he can see. The tingling ache lingering along his bones have faded away. Forgotten. Gone. 

“You healed me,” Damian murmured in awe.  

He’s-he’s back on patrol now, he could storm right back into the Manor and prove just how capable he truly is, march right up to Father and show everyone, even that miserable, disrespectful heathen Drake and- 

But, Father would be suspicious. This was no doubt something mystical, or magical, or meta adjacent, and then what intentions, what side effects, what tests and pokes and prods would Damian have to endure to prove this is to be trusted to be back on the field?That Damian could be back in his spot, where he belonged, immediately?

[randomthoughtssideblog]

So in The Amazing Digital Circus, It seems like all the humans have 'avatars/bodies that somewhat correspond to their personality (From what little we've seen)

Ragatha is an old Rag doll, a toy from someone's childhood, and she's seemingly the most forwardly kind and caring of the Circus. She gives Pomni actual advice on how to survive and cope with being in the circus, her first line being "Let's just try to calm down, everything is going to be fine" Like one might imagine their toy telling them when they are frightened.

Jax is a rabbit. Jax is also a JackAss, but because there's no swearing in the Circus, it likely 'Autocorrected' to Jack Rabbit. not only that, but his Bugs-Bunnian attitude and shenanigans shine brightly in how he acts. (Now, Jax is mean, but I don't know that he's evil. But he is mean)

Kauffmo, from what little we know of him, was a Jokester. Ragatha and Gangle both referencing not finding his jokes funny (Ragatha Laughing to make him feel Better, Gangle not.) Being a clown would make sense for someone who wants good-hearted fun, unlike Jax.

Gangle, while we don't have much of her, seems to have something wrong separate to being in the circus? This one is definitely a stretch, but maybe Gangle has something similar to BPD? With Tragedy representing Depression and Comedy representing Mania? or She's literally masking her sadness for others?

I only have one Idea of what Zooble's deal could be, but given their heavy "Mean (Girl)" Vibe, it could be a center of attention thing?

I don't know, we're theorizing here.

Now, for Kinger and Pomni, who seem to have the most connection.

Pomni is a Jester. Not a clown, A jester, which are very different. Clowns make fools of themselves to get other's to laugh. Jester's were employed by Royalty for entertainment, to jest.This gave them impunity to speak freely about whatever subject matter may be at hand.

Pomni, the latest addition, has the clearest sense of the outside world has the freedom to speak freely about the circus, likely in part of not being used to the circus.

Kinger, who has been in the circus longest and is the oldest, is the least attached to reality, often blanking out and reacting slowly to what happens to him. In spite of this, He seems to be the most technically knowledgeable about the goings on of the circus

Insect Collection -> The Gloink Queen acting as a Queen Bee (Eating things and making more of their species)

He knew Kauffmo was going Crazy/had gone crazy talking about an exit before the reveal.

At the end he talks about how the food wasn't actually being eaten, only giving the feeling of being eaten.

There was also the "Queener" door that was crossed out.

Kinger seemingly is smarter than he's let on, and as much as Caine can't directly affect people's minds, he can give them experiences.

And, assuming Kinger did make the Circus (with help given the complexity of what it would take to program the Circus,) He would have the greatest likelihood of survival, since he would know how the world worked unlike pretty much any one else, only turning paranoid after years of survival and losing others.

Pomni and Kinger, the newest and Oldest residents, a Jester and a King, the most grounded and most out there.

I'd be willing to bet Pomni will get Kinger (If he's the creator) To get them all out of the circus and back into the real world.

Of course we are only one episode in, and I could have missed somethings, either said by the creators or a line I'm forgetting about.

[theminecraftbee]

Yeah, I knew it was unlikely for anyone to partner with a spirit from the start like Grian does, in fact my first idea for this was "episode where xB gets possessed by the spirit of Hiding or something and plot twist the episode doesn't end with him defeated, the monster is invisible by definition and after its conflict is done it can't be caught, plot twist xB stays like that for the rest of the season peacefully somehow, I guess that could mean somehow being a full magical girl who's just undetectable instead of having a transformation sequence, this could also power up his ability so Scar eventually forgets he even has that guy to look out for..." and then I couldn't think of any situation where a character whose whole plot point is staying hidden would do anything to cause the heroes to notice it enough for an episode to happen anyway, and then I imagined that first burst of all of them escaping, off to do various chaotic things, and then the one that's based on some concept that's naturally peaceful and quiet all along just calmly floats along until it finds someone who's used to being quiet and would be happy to be rid of what little attention he does get, so I thought it would be funny if the two just met and instantly agreed fully or however partnership works, like before the monster attacks have happened enough that xB even knows about them, you know?

That plus the "mysterious helper who may or may not know all the secrets but either way ends up not being a threat" trope and the "unremarkable background character with an inexplicably dedicated fandom" trope, it would work just as well to have him start appearing at any time but it feels funnier/more fulfilling to be able to look at this imaginary anime and have at least one frame of every single episode where he's visible!

oh hmmm that's actually a fun one. and to be fair, i think xb would be... rather happy to slip into the background, honestly. sure, this is all... a lot more than he'd prefer to deal with. but watching scar's crew deal with it has given him SOME idea of how to handle the fact he still has a spirit around, and being able to be invisible sometimes... it's useful. it's useful!

i think maybe he shows up in the background of some support group episodes afterwards and if you aren't paying attention it's hard to realize what's happening.

however i'm honestly still not sure how early in the plot we can have a spirit partnership here? i think maybe. xb is an early possession victim (maybe one of the first ones blackbird interferes with?) but the spirit escapes. xb sort of just slips away without letting anyone help him quietly because he manages to get unpossessed but he just KNOWS people are gonna be weird about the fact the spirit escaped. plus, he has unlocked a little more of his magical potential now. he can just... make himself disappear. he doesn't know why. it's not a partnership, so much as a potential he already had that, like a few other members of the plot (bdubs being out big example), due to a combination "wishing star getting closer" and "spirit possession", he can do even more.

and it's... nice. sometimes it isn't nice - he basically can't go out to eat unless he's with someone else, the waitstaff will forget he's there, and actually for anything he needs to be remembered for it's kind of a pain, but in a lot of life he just... slides in the background now. and if he really, really wants to be noticed he can mostly turn it off? but eh, he's an introvert anyway, as long as his small circle of friends still talks to him, he's fine. keralis and hypno and beef haven't forgotten he exists yet.

(hypno nearly forgets once. it makes xb's hair stand on end. he puts more effort into his side of the friendship with him for months afterwards. hypno's bemused. "you never texted back so quick before. what's gotten into you - monsters making you remember your mortality?" and it's... easier than the actual answer to go with that. hypno says xb should go to the support group again. xb doesn't say: they won't remember i'm there too if i don't make an effort to talk the whole time.)

its later in the plot, after... i had a timeline somewhere, but i think at LEAST after bdubs joins the squad and DEFINITELY after the "the magical girl crew fights the military" incident. it's then that the spirit of hiding reappears, and, drawn once again to xb's magic, despite the fact he's arguably more resistant to possession now, turns up where xb is.

and like... look. xb really, really doesn't want to get possessed again. because as nice as fading into the background is, he just... he doesn't want...

and they find themselves at an impasse.

xb gets this guy, is the thing. compared to other spirits, this guy doesn't do that much. it just... makes it easy to forget itself. to forget other people. and there's a horror in that, too, but there's also... xb can relate. before all of this started, he would have thought he'd be content to be entirely forgotten as well. it's just, the brief moment when someone he was close to had no recognition in his eyes -

"hey," xb says to the spirit that does not want to leave but that he doesn't want to let possess him. "hey. change of plans. how about we make a deal? i think there's something we can both offer to each other."

two days later, he slips into keralis's door and, once he finds the man, quietly sobs. he never says why. afterwards, he goes back to almost-normal. almost. if you aren't one of his friends, at least. his friends are... concerned. he's up to something.

xb assures them: he won't interfere that much. not his style. also, if he WERE to get noticed, he's pretty sure he might get dissected or something? so. much better to just... adjust from the background when he can.

he's sure it'll turn out fine.

[notnights]

Random fun acetate ribbun fact? Good fic!!!!

As in this is your fun fact, or you're asking me for a fun fact? (Either way thanks hehe.)

Uh lets see fun fact. I mentioned this the other day but deleted it because I don't like giving away too much about a story though it's technically not spoilers either but like people to figure out the beats themselves. But ehh uhhh:

Its about Kinger and Queenie being the original hanahaki case in the in the story. I dropped a few hints about it, but I don't know how well it came across. It's hard to know what a reader's view might be compared to yours when you know all the twist and turns you put in ya know?

Since we know nothing about those two yet, I kind of threw them under the narrative bus in the sense I used them in whatever way I wanted to help with the story lol. One day we're gonna find out what their deal was, and my fic will be outdated as it possibly depicts them as completely inaccurate. (Imagine they're divorced.)

I was originally going to leave just a single hint in chapter one as a solo; Kinger mentioning he was vomiting up affection. As well as him explaining how yellow camellias symbolize longing; fitting for them in the Digital Circus. They long for an escape; it's their default flower. And then him gifting camellias to Queenie, was meant to imply he was also vomiting up those same flowers.

I however ended up adding more hints in chapter 3 and 4 though. I'll leave those as a surprise to reread for unless folks can't find them and want me to point them out.

This was meant to be evident to the audience, but not to the characters. As every time the couple come up I also have Gangle look at them as a frame of reference. She admires this love they had, that she never saw herself. How nice it must have been compared to this horrible love story she's experiencing now. But she is blissfully ignorant that Kinger and Queenie also had a rough start.

Admittedly NOT as rough of a start as Gangle and Jax did of course. I like to imagine Caine gave them the same prescription but, Queenie was neutral about Kinger before then, unlike Gangle who already resented Jax. And Kinger was kind to Queenie prior to his illness unlike Jax who's been nothing by terrible to Gangle even after falling for her.

So we can assume our King and Queen chess piece had a more typical hanahaki story. A bit reluctant at first, but ultimately became a loving couple. That the second Digital Circus hanahaki couple puts on a pedestal to compare themselves to, without even knowing they also suffered from similar (but less intense) problems.

I also like to think Kinger forgot the details of this event himself. He remembers being sick, Queenie nursing him back to health, him being very affectionate, namely in giving her a lot of flowers. But he doesn't specifically remember the case itself. Maybe doesn't even remember these being connected.

He has vague recallings, such as Caine taping up the door, Gangle showing him rare colored flowers then mentioning Jax is sick, but sadly it's not enough to bring the memory back in full. Just thoughts of "huh this seems familiar..."

Likewise, if Caine forgot, you know poor Kinger did, as I imagine Caine's memory is a lot sturdier than Kinger's. My excuse for Caine forgetting is that, if he's an AI, he still has limitations due to the computer he's attached to. Could be fantasy digital with endless memory and infinite terabytes, but for this lets say he only has so much memory to work with.

So finer unneeded details get deleted to ensure he continues to have space for new ones. Recognizes what hanahaki is, but doesn't have the specific name or exact reference for it until he looks it up again. Doesn't remember who was involved in the original case, or how exactly it was resolved. Just that "we had this before; this fixed it! Somehow!" He didn't delete the memory completely because, what if this happened again! Needs to hold onto a piece of it just in case.

So uh anyways there's the implied and hidden Kinger and Queenie lore in my fic.

And you also may be wondering how exactly was Kinger capable of throwing up you may be wondering? ???? ????

????? ?????? ?? ?? ???

[snowyslytherinowl]

Just a Rant about Slytherins in Harry Potter

I just watched this video on YouTube about the depiction of Slytherin House in Harry Potter. I agree with a lot the creator said, but I'm not going to recap the video since you can watch it. However, I do want to talk a little about Slytherins. And of course, this is just my opinion and I don't mind if people disagree respectfully.

One thing that I don't like about Harry Potter and ultimately the reason why I'll never love it as much as The Hunger Games is because of how one-dimensional it is. This aspect reminds us that at the end of the day, Harry Potter is a series for children. It has themes that are more complex and maybe not appropriate for kids, but I think a lot of fans forget (especially adult fans) that Harry Potter is a kid's book. I fall victim to this as well because I became a Harry Potter fan as an adult. Fun fact: I've only been a fan for 9 months; I can't claim I was a fan since I was 8 years old like some long-term fans can. Anyway, a lot of things in Harry Potter are seen as a dichotomy. Most characters are either good or bad and all houses are either good or bad (and the synonym for "bad" in this case would be Slytherin).

I think the reason why Slytherins are seen as bad is because the Harry Potter series defines "bad" as anyone who's a murderer, prejudiced, and/or has a hand in murder. Just as the video pointed out, the only (slightly) significant Slytherin character who mostly goes against this definition is Slughorn. But think about all the murderers in Harry Potter; perhaps the only Harry-Potter-defined "bad" person who isn't in Slytherin is Peter Pettigrew.

We see plenty of characters that aren't completely good (and of course, no character can ever be a saint 100% of the time) and unlikable that aren't in Slytherin. Lockhart was annoying and stuck up. Marietta Edgecombe betrayed the DA. Zacharias Smith was a pain in the ass. Cormac McLaggen was arrogant. Percy Weasley betrayed his family for a while. What do most of these characters have in common? They're arrogant, but they aren't seen as bad as Slytherins. The sin of arrogance is not nearly as bad as the sin of murder, so of course these characters are going to be put on the back seat in comparison to the Slytherins. Nonetheless, why do we see Slytherins as inherently bad while we see these other characters as just a few bad seeds in an otherwise good apple?

But if you ask fans who their most hated character is, most are going to say Umbridge. Umbridge could've killed Harry when she released the Dementors in Little Whinging, but she isn't a serial killer like Voldemort or Bellatrix. I'm not sure where I saw this, but someone said this is because not many of us know a serial killer; however, many of us know an Umbridge. And let's not forget to point out that she's a Slytherin.

And while I'm not here to say that we should hate serial killer Slytherins on the same level as arrogant Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, I still don't think it's fair to villainize Slytherins. I also am not sure where I saw this, but someone once said to imagine this scenario: you're an ambitious eleven-year-old who's excited to attend Hogwarts! You get sorted into Slytherin because you're ambitious, but then everyone outside your House hates you. Why are we villainizing little kids? It's because a lot of them are going to grow up to become bad. However, this is mostly because Slytherin House reinforces blood-purist ideals.

Another thing that the video pointed out is that Slytherin traits often align with traits of the other Houses, except their traits carry a negative connotation. Intelligence and cunningness are very similar traits, except being cunning is seen as a bad thing. Being hard-working and being ambitious often go hand-in-hand, except ambition can cause you to lose yourself. So why even have a Hogwarts house that breeds blood purists, has students that can fit into other Houses, and has been seen as evil for centuries? I'm not exactly sure.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Man those people on your ‘why are you straight edge’ poll are really showing their disdain for people who engage with any sort of drug… if I may add, I voted for having a medical restriction (my liver is failing thank youuuu immune system) AND I also take prescription opiate medication to help with pain. Every time I take my painkillers on days where I’m not working so that I can enjoy my hobbies I have complicated feelings about it because anti opiate rhetoric is just EVERYWHERE and it’s like… I just want to have a nice day. Getting over the ‘oh but it can be ADDICTIVE’ stigma is so important and it’s really not different just because I have a prescription. People who are so nasty about drug use for recreation are so stressful to me.

Ikr it's like people have such disdain for addicts, and drug users in general. I get upset about this because while I personally am a very casual user and I spend most of the time sober and am self assured so I can walk people being dicks about it off, but I know addicts and their lives are hard enough without all the stigma piled on top of it. I just wish everyone could be addiction neutral and pro harm reduction but they're so moralistic about it. I wasnt the politest I could have been about people not drinking and having sex because I was trying to keep it light and I know people take things like this really serious and it kinda backfired.

But like I totally know what you mean about the opioid thing. I really think that our society could benefit from being a little more addiction neutral, because yeah sometimes substance dependency does ruin your life, but I'm neurodivergent and I've met people where I think that doing life with drugs is better for them. Like you raise a great point about opioids. They're dangerous and addictive but if you're in pain because of a disability you need pain management. It's not really an option if you want to lead a normal life. There's a lot of heroin addicts who got that way because they needed pain management and their doctors refused them on the basis that they might become addicted, but taking a daily pill to improve your life, while it may be illegal depending on the substance, isn't bad. I bring up my own neurodivergence because I've heard of the same thing with ADHD and stimulants. Most people who have an ADHD diagnosis can get an Adderall prescription, but undiagnosed people and people falling through insurance cracks will sometimes turn to the street version. And it's like those people, both the ones with a script and the ones who are self medicating, should not be forced to live a substandard life because of someone else imagines there's some purity to a life without drugs. The goal should be to get those people the drugs they need in the safest way possible.

And I come down really easy, to the point where I forget to take prescription meds and don't experience any ill effects, but I have a friend who experiences a come down from their adhd meds thats not unlike the comedown ive seen from my other friend who's a meth user, and this friend with the ADHD meds can't function without them. But when the doctor and the pharmacist get them their meds on time they live a perfectly happy fulfilling life. That's what I mean when I say I'm addiction neutral. Most people who get addicted didn't just pick up heroin or whatever one day for shits and giggles. When I fuck around with "highly addictive" substances I make sure I'm in a good place and it's not a problem to drop them. People who develop problems are usually either they're escaping from something or self medicating. The goal for society can't be to never do drugs we've had drugs literally for longer than we've been humans.

I've heard second hand of a study which I haven't gone looking for, I might, because as you can tell this is a bit of a soap box for me, where they gave Heroin addicts a prescribed dose of heroin like you would pick up Percocet for chronic pain at a pharmacy, and because those addicts weren't shooting up mystery amounts and worrying where they were going to get their next hit from so they didn't start rattling and all the other things that make addicts lives hell, they were able to start doing things like holding down jobs. That study should have been a game changer. I want addicts to be able to live, and selfishly I want to be able to go to the drug store when I'm bored and say "one mdma high no fentanyl please" and leave with something to spice up the afternoon. That's like, not a moral failing on my part even though I'm not self medicating I'm just having fun.

The way the war on drugs has ruined drugs, which like, genuinely drugs are sort of magical when you think about it. Not just the fun ones either. Like when I was a baby I had a really bad bladder infection that absolutely would have killed me if I had had that same situation just like 100 years ago, but my mom was able to force a pill down my throat and it went away. Since then I've probably had at least a dozen little things like that that would have killed me dead if someone hadn't invented a chemical that could interact with my body and make it genuinely not a problem. and the fact that we have that for things like chronic pain and we're too afraid to use it because of stigma is so insane. Like god forbid people get high.

[nova-alien-rants]

i feel so incredibly lucky.

i honestly don't even know how to verbalize everything i'm feeling and have been feeling for a long time already, but i should probably try because i think it's worth putting this out there. i legitimately think that brendon is one of the best things to have ever happened to me. like, EVER. plenty of times have i thought and said "this person is the one," but he... god, he feels so different in literally the best way possible.

my entire life i have always been so desperate for someone to love me the way i love them. wholeheartedly, accepting them for all their flaws, doing everything i can to be there for them when they struggle to be there for themselves. i've always wanted to mean the world, to mean everything to someone. to be loved genuinely and accepted exactly as i am without needing to hide parts of myself just to keep that love close.

it's already been a year with him and it somehow seems to simultaneously have gone by at a snail's pace and in the blink of an eye. i can't believe i went 20 years without him. i can't imagine life without him. it's as if i never actually lived before him and moon.

he's so secure. in his attachment, in his mindset, in his life, in everything. to him, everything is okay and always will be okay. even if things are really hard, it's okay to feel upset and things will get better. he doesn't just know this, he FEELS it. he LIVES by it. this security and okayness are a PART of him.

there is not a SINGLE OUNCE of anxiety from him, regardless of the circumstance, and it's amazing. it's so refreshing and so unlike anything i've ever experienced. it's absolutely foreign and i still do feel afraid sometimes, but even when i get afraid he assures me it's okay. he hugs me as i sob and tells me i'm safe. he tells me how much he loves me and how much i'm wanted. just writing about it makes me cry.

the past year has taught me that i really needed someone with a secure attachment. i need the example, i need the space to feel my feelings, i need the ability to heal, i need to emulate the patterns, i need to learn to self regulate, all of which a securely attached person to provide. no fighting, no anxiety, no anger, none of it. even when i get triggered and act out, there's no argument. my bullshittery peters out almost immediately.

i don't want to say i'm obsessed with him because i'm definitely not, but god, i love him. i'm in love with him and i feel his love for me. i feel so loved and it's the most incredible thing in the world. he ticks off every single box for everything i didn't even know i wanted or needed in someone. he's teaching me how to genuinely love myself in a way which is healthy not just for me but also other people. he's fixing my universe and i don't think he even knows it.

and that doesn't mean i'm completely reliant on him for my healing, because i was still going strong well before i got with him, but he's seriously expediting it. i feel like when people are traumatized, they end up spending time with other traumatized people. with others who are mentally ill. and the community is nice, but i think we forget just how much someone who hasn't gone through what we have can help us process everything.

i love both of my partners so much. they both have such different yet such incredibly amazing and important roles in my life and i genuinely don't know where i'd be without either of them. i hope they will stay by my side forever, and me by theirs. what a blessing they are not just to me, but to everyone whose lives they are able to touch.

one helps me learn what i still need to work on, and the other helps me learn how i should work on it and how to accept where i am. they somehow manage to be polar opposites, two sides of a coin, and yet they both complete me. even despite everything going on with me, with the world, i just feel so good and whole. i feel so lucky and i know they feel lucky too.

i think little me would be overjoyed.

[alexwatchesshows]

Black Sails III (S1E3) review

Spoilers for up to and including E3.

Finally some Flint insight (Flintsight?).

They'd already established a level of trust between Flint and Miranda with just the few minutes in E2, but the beginning of this episode really establishes familiarity between the two-- Flint knows about the spies that the pastor keeps posting by Miranda's house, and Miranda knows about Flint's goals with the Urca (which would mean she was one of the first people to know). The exact nature of their relationship is unclear, and is muddied even further by Richard Guthrie (awful houseguest that he is) snooping and finding a painting of "Mr and Mrs Thomas Hamilton", more on that in later episodes I guess. Seriously, though, Richard Guthrie is vying for world's worst houseguest-- Flint and Billy save him from being arrested, then Flint takes him somewhere relatively safe to recover, and he responds to this by ordering Miranda about (in the scene with Eleanor) and just searching the house. Miranda, meanwhile, seems to be wanting to start a book club with almost anyone she meets, which is so valid but also suggests that maybe Flint hasn't considered that as he's been off adventuring or whatever, she's actually been quite lonely (she also expresses disappointment at not being able to have him all to herself for a bit), almost forgetting about her in a single-minded pursuit of the Urca. Bringing her a book was a nice touch, though. We also meet Pastor Lambrick who is a... character. Honestly, I don't really know why he's in this show other than to emphasise Miranda's loneliness. There's a weird flirting via Bible vibe that neither of them seem massively into, especially Lambrick, who seems very big on "love through suffering" and all that shit. I guess he does give some insight into what the other inhabitants of the island think of the pirates (i.e. they aren't they're greatest fans), but his views are very black and white, to the extent that he can't possibly imagine why Miranda, a non-pirate, would willingly live with Flint, and asks if he's holding her captive. We also end on a note of Miranda being very perceptive and intellegent, with her recommendation of Meditations (I think?) to Richard Guthrie, and her reading being used to reflect on where all the characters are by the end of the episode. Flint evidently isn't happy about it though.

Meanwhile, Silver is being a slippery bastard. Somehow, I can believe him when he says "we might be friends by then". He's just very good at manipulating people. Not Randall though. He does begin to uncover a level of dissent within the crew though. I was intially interested by whatshisname saying "you know what he is" instead of who, but it turns out that he just believes Flint is undead. Billy seems to be staying loyal to Flint, despite the whole page debacle, but maybe things will change if he learns more about him. Admittedly, the observation that "to (Flint) we're all disposable. Chits to be used for his own purposes" does ring true, given what we've seen so far. Flint clearly does have big goals that he believes will benefit everyone, but he also believes that his way is best and that he's free to do whatever necessary to achieve those ends.

Gates is also good with people but, unlike Silver, this seems to come from just generally being an alright guy. He's good with Billy, he has a good raport with Hornigold, and he even manages to sort of manage Flint. Hornigold is one of the characters in Black Sails who was also a historical figure (I'll make a post about that maybe later). Gates does reference him having connections to the Scottish aristocracy but I can't find any definite confirmation of that. Either way, it's an interesting way to tie in broader historical context. He also reads Jack like a book and uses this to arrange an actually mildly productive meeting of the captains. Jack, meanwhile, is having a slightly less successful time. Gates feels like a father to maybe half the characters, and him talking to Jack feels like a case of "you got yourself into this mess, you're old enough to get yourself out", leaving Jack to coax Vane out of his weird drugs and sex den (those sure are some healthy coping mechanisms you've got there sir) with promises of getting Eleanor to love him again, then being a weird sort of wingman for him throughout that meeting. Vane surprisingly keeps his shit throughout, unlike Flint, who seems to be lacking his usual reason when it comes to Vane, eventually causing Gates to also lose his shit, which I'd imagine would really take some work. We do get an interesting insight into Vane's mind in this scene though, in that we see that he does genuinely trust (and maybe even love) Eleanor, possibly more than she does, and apparently enough to stake the lives of his crew on it. It's not clear whether Eleanor reciprocates these feelings, but it clearly evokes something in her when Vane stands up for her.

This is a very interesting Eleanor episode too-- we get to see her two dads, the one who effectively raised her and the other one who gave her an island, that's definitely not a complicated dynamic, especially not when you throw in the fact that Richard G. owns Mr Scott. It maybe explains Eleanor's somewhat lack of emotional maturity. RG is emotionally distant, and Mr. Scott has to be more concerned with the prosperity of the island and whatever RG's orders are than with Eleanor. Maybe it is because of this that Eleanor fundamentally cannot understand Max's approach to her situation. All care she has been given is fairly material (control of the island, advice on how to make it prosper, etc.), so maybe this is why she cannot understand Max's more emotional approach, which centres her pride and self-sufficiency over any physical and material wellbeing that Eleanor can offer. I'm going to be very honest and say that I hate this plotline, it does feel generally unnecessary and a little gratuitous in how much is portrayed, but it does reveal a lot in terms of how the characters function emotionally. Max is willing to put herself into a very difficult position to preserve her own pride (and withstands it, as seen in the "rocky promontary" scene at the end). Eleanor cannot see why Max won't accept her help, and is additionally very impulsive and emotionally-driven, doing what feels right for her. Vane defaults to withdrawing from any difficult situation, telling Eleanor that "(he) had no choice" in the situation, instead of maybe taking responsibility for the fact that he doesn't have much control over his crew, something that Eleanor has called him out on before, and pretty much lets them run wild and do shit like this. Still, Eleanor's response does feel like it centres her feelings over anything else, and something tells me that it's just going to add fuel to the fire, especially given that Max is determined to stay until she's worked off her debt.

The ending scene is really beautiful. I actually want to read Meditations, and maybe when I do I'll do a little post about it on here, but it's a really neat way of linking all the characters and plotlines at the end of the episode.

[canceramorem]

Syracuse NY, not exactly where Jeypizzle would have ever imagined he would be at this point in his life (2018). Many years ago I swore to myself and to God that I would not travel, live or even visit any state north of Virginia. Including VIRGINIA. It should be called an " uncommon wealth" state, it's uncommonly unfair, and people like @valeriejanegreen are happy in such a miserable , fake, not quite Florida, and will never be California- state, such as Virginia. I used to have a sticker in the hotel room I resided in for two years, and it was one of those " Virginia is for lovers" stickers with a heart on it. But instead of "Lovers" , I had scratched it to say " Losers" . Yeah Valerie, you and your homeboy Duane Kookey, love Virginia and New York , "Virginia is for losers". And so is New York, mainly St Lawrence County .losers and people that are sex offenders. That's the home county of Marie But as far as I'm concerned, I would have just forgotten Virginia and points north altogether. I go south and west - FUCK GOING NORTH, FUCK NEW YORK MASSACHUSETTS RHODE ISLAND, ( I lived and grew up in Newport, Rhode Island. Do you know how bad ass Newport RI is ?) I lived by the way of points south, and to continue southbound. Well thanks Marie. Uh- hum "$carlett" .

Here is a little insight into this woman named Marie Clara Camp, a woman that I was, and still am, in fact, deeply in love with. Marie was born in 1975, July 9 to be exact. She is a cancer in the zodiac signs , and I am a Capricorn. I'm not big on horoscopes, and only recently did I discover this, that we are unlikely, but highly compatible soul mates. Marie has a disorder, well, a few actually....

Marie has 8 personalities, and all 8 of them are compulsive liars. It's not something that she (them- all 8 personalities) can control. She lies in order to preserve her Self-righteous image. Although she has a master's degree, she works in a fast food restaurant. She is such a lovable woman, but she hasn't been married ever, she goes to church , but will lie about going.

She can't stand to admit when she is wrong. ( Which is more often than not). Even when she gets caught in the act of doing something wrong , she claims plausible deniability , especially when it comes to cheating on me or flirting. Trying to twist it back on the person that caught her red- handed (me) .She will use the "poor Marie" defense,asking complete strangers for help, as if I did something to her . I have even seen her flirt with whatever man comes to her aid - because she usually makes a scene , yelling and screaming when confronted with any accusations that you bring against her. She will all but forget who I am and team up against me, with a complete stranger. saying " Jason this" or " he" did this or that ( referring to me, Jey pizzle). This always involves her denying it, and then either physically attacking me or yelling as to cause unneeded attention.

Just trying to get an honest 100% truthful answer from her is a lesson in futility, trying to get a straight forward answer from her is literally like forcing a cat into water. It's will leave you scratched ( emotionally) , and with a crushed ego. ( She will try and make you feel stupid, like you should have known that's just how she is, and shes not gonna change it ever.) She would mumble things under her breath and think that she was being honest with me. Well, she was telling me the truth, but I couldn't hear nor understand, what she was saying. It would end up with me getting so mad and upset because she said that she told me. Well, I didn't hear , so can you repeat it? And she wouldn't. Which led to me just going in circles with her and her personalities. It really is impossible for her to just tell the truth. This proved to be so exhausting, so draining that it actually caused me psychosis. So , here we were, two people in love. In love , and in this state of psychosis, but madly in love with each other. It turned out to be mind boggling , the way she would do this mumbling, and talking under her breath (Phychobabble). She thought it was normal. It was not normal. But I looked past the madness. I looked past it, and pushed forward with a love vengeance . Hoping that someway , somehow, she would just be honest with me. Because, as the zodiac suggests, and how I felt, I loved this woman . And I wanted to and still want to, is spend my life with her. I even offered to go to the psych-ward with her. Just so she wouldn't be alone in there. I meant it, I really would! But I was just a pawn in her game of power, you see to her, image is everything. She's like that Magazine 'Marie Claire' Do you think they show the real stories behind the plastic 'fake' girls that are in that magazine? Fuck No! And The Marie I fell in love with reminds me of the fake -ass ' perfect ' girls in that magazine, she paints a picture of perfection , but is far from perfect. I was and still am good with that, but at some point, we all need to be accountable for our actions, and My Marie Bear is no different. Maybe it's because she needs men to crash and burn for her. It builds up her sense of being a goddess. She has even told me she is a " Goddess" . More like a "Succubus". A Succubus that has sex with men and then steals their souls. Like she did to me. She sucked all of the good out of my soul and left me a brokenhearted, love- crippled -crash test dummy. Hopping on buses and traveling to be with her, while the whole time she was messaging " Marco Givenspace ", telling him things like " Mo and Marie". I even discovered messages between her and her online African -American lover. I discovered this gem of infidelity, accidentally. Can you imagine what this did to my heart. Hurt is an understatement. Pain is relative. This is just, I don't even know how to describe it, I guess call it , just plain old "shitty", to do to someone. To hear her tell it, she doesn't know who he is or why I saw it. I guess it wasn't meant for my eyes.

But messages to other dudes didn't matter. Bad decisions have always been a big downfall for Jeypizzle. And being so in love that it blinds your decision making process , like looking directly into the sun for five minutes without blinking, that's what the blindness was like. But even Stevie Wonder could see what was going on. I just used love as an excuse not to see the truth.

Throw in a few months of missing your twin-flame (soulmate), her asking you to come to her sooner rather than later, and the police raiding your spot, and you have the perfect recipe for "Escape from Asheville " pt 1 -brokenheart pie. Comes with a side order of regret and a big glass of fuck you Jpizzle to wash down the pain and problems that follow. What I once considered absolutely insane , I was more than ready to do the unspeakable, which was go through that damn New York port authority bus station. Toting bags, wasting money- Fucking drinks for like 6 dollars. The people , the rudeness, the cops , the everything I cannot stand, I was ready to embrace it with a big hug and kiss. And not to mention the money spent on these ' love trips ' to New York . Sure, the church financed most of them. So I guess that means I owe God for wasting church money on me , traveling on God's money to see Marie. Well you can have my soul God, well, what's left of it after she got it first, and left me with hardly any soul left. I feel like a casualty of love. That's when you love someone so much and they take all your love and don't give you back what you deserve, or at times, none at all.

This part of my departure from Asheville is still a little bit grey. I know that at some point , our hill was just off the chain with visitors, theives , junkies Angelas (nasty redhead). Yeah , it was a matter of time before shit went down. And if I was not hallucinating , then one night or really early in the morning , this day it went down just the way it should have -with me not getting arrested , and getting to Syracuse NY.

I was just casually gacked out , watching the darkness , dancing with Shadow people, and not sleeping. Which after a few days , can make you see shit . I went to check on my charging block at the Target 🎯 sign, I charged anything I need charged there. This night as I crept down the muddy embankment . I couldn't help but notice , what appeared to be Asheville police cars going down the rode single file , all the way to Chuck E Cheese! So, I crept back up the hill like a fucking crab backstepping from a big lobster. Fuck the charging blocks , fuck the gear I left up on the other Gary cook spot . I had my binoculars, some good shit, and a strong will to not get arrested, and most importantly I had the love of my life telling me she wants me and she loves me. I gathered up all of my tweeking capabilities and formed an escape- type plan. Ever -so -carefully, I avoided flashlights chasing me - , and a bunch of cops and more cops, trying to get something or somebody on the hill that was like a fucking disposal site for anything illegal. Good ole dollar tree hill had been the hottest spot in Asheville , for over a year. Since day one when Gary and I first found it. I had lived on the hill with my Marie bear, real bears ( a family of them) , and Gary . As heart wrenching and dangerous as it was , I had to leave and get to her in NY.

A big thank you to the ABCCM in black mountain for helping me get to my wife in Syracuse in September 2018, I am forever grateful for everything you-all have done for me. God is great! And we owe you immensely.

So I got into Syracuse on a Sunday. Of course , " Clara - Bell" ( same girl, different name) wasn't there to meet me at the station. She did tell me the address and it was a few miles away still. So I hauled ass, and in about an hour or so , she came out to see me in the rite-aid parking lot, hung for an hour, then went to where she was staying at , - a fucking domestic violence woman's shelter. And she was supposedly, running from me! Imagine that! Who runs from someone , yet tells them to come exactly to where they are at?

WTF , so I camped out and the usual , um , being treated like a fun dummy- is really the only thing that comes to mind. Clara Bell did bring me some food though. It was good and the cheddar cheese she brought , well it was right from New York state and was delicious, considering I was famished and just about starving.

I don't regret anything I did in the name of love or for her. I took the chances, and there is no such thing as reward without taking risk. I just want you to realize that I did everything you wanted , I was trying to overcome the odds , and at the same time make sure you were safe. The day when you walked by me and then rushed to get away so you could be with Jose, or the guy from that big church that you met the day you punched me in the head. Or whoever else, the guy from the " Ox", how you told him you needed help, and you were hanging around the fucking " Ox" . That's not loyalty, that is so hurtful to do to someone that loved you so much , locked me out of 511 Bellevue , you just hurt me so bad, I have been so faithful and really never did so much as kiss another woman. I couldn't, I really was lovestruck, love blinded , and under your spell. Here you were, living with all guys , and all these guys trying to get me out of the picture so they could have you. Finally I left new York, and left so hurt, I'm still not right to this day from that.

Getting on the bus to go to Texas , I believe that was the beginning of the end of my life, the time when having a broken heart so bad can actually fuck a person up and start cancer. It's not scientifically proven, but I know it didn't help my aging -heartbroken -46 year old self.

I felt like the biggest dummy. I had came to this fucking horrible place all because she asked me to, and not just one time! I had left when Marie went into the psych ward at St Joe's hospital and refused to have visitors. So I did what every person that wants to leave New York state does,(go to social services) I went to the Onanandaga county DSS office and pleaded for a bus ticket back to NC. well, my case worker, Stacy Butterfield asked me why. "Didn't you just come here for this woman?" - I told everyone the real reason why I was there. Which was for Marie, and nothing else. I didn't come to New York state for any kind of opportunity or to make a life there. I came to New York for the sole reason of being with Marie Camp. So I told the Butterfield Case worker lady that it didn't work out and that Marie had left me, and that she was in the mental hospital psych ward, and she didn't want visitors. Which is the truth. When she went into that hospital and she specifically told those hospital people that she didn't want me in there to visit her, I was so fucking hurt. And the fucking asshole New York Hospital security guards , they told me , just go back to North Carolina, she doesn't want you here. Well, I was at DSS the next morning trying to get back to NC. I'll never forget what the Butterfield woman said - " We are not a travel agency " and then she gave me a voucher to get a bus ticket. And I left New York and went back to North Carolina , only to return to New York a few weeks later when Marie gets out of the hospital and in a sweet caring voice ask me- " Why did you leave?". So I returned to Syracuse , because the thought of her being alone was just too much for me to handle. And when I returned it was more of the same. Except this time she was actually at the bus station to meet me, but let's jump to me leaving Syracuse and being back in Asheville while Marie was in the psych ward.

In between time when I got back to North Carolina from Syracuse the first time. I was like a zombie. Wandering aimlessly around the streets of Asheville in a daze. "Looking for Marie with a flashlight in the daytime" that's what it was comparable too. All I could think of was her . Love sick is nothing compared to " love crippled" , yes , love can do that to a person. It has a crippling effect on them. I was so love crippled , that I had to do something. So remember the character named " Tim" , he's the one who I thought was my friend . He was another homeless guy that thinks he is the shit. He is the one named in the email that I received from Marie (soundofloveintime@gmail.com) that email that says Tim basically forced her to have sex with him. All over some fucking dope - when I went to the hospital , freezing and heartbroken in the winter 2017, when we were in our early stages of the relationship. Well Tim knew I loved Marie, when I asked him nonshalantly about Marie, he answered " oh yeah, 'Crazy Marie', I bought her a cheeseburger one time". ( This infuriated me even more, because she loves food, and that was his in- food and dope). Tim was in my sights and I wanted nothing more than to fuck him up for what he did or what she says he did in that heartbreaking email from way back in 2017.

So guess who I ran into. Yup you guessed it , fucking RAPE-O - Timothy Fitgerald Wright. That's his full government name, Google it and you will see. He really is a rapist. And this is how funny life is... Tim and I had an " association" I never let him know that I knew what he did to the love of my life. So when I ran into him, I was all buddy -buddy with him. Plotting for a way to get him back for what he did while I was in the hospital. So what better way than get him where it hurts- his money. Well this was going to be easy, Tim wanted someone to open a bank account so he could deposit like 250$ in it. "Tim, I got you" , is what I told him , we went to the bank at Walmart on Airport Rd and within 15 minutes , had a balance in a checking account that was in my name, a balance of 250$. So we had to wait for the debit card to come or something to that effect. So we grabbed a box or two of some medicine so we could go to Tim's place and actually make some real medicine, you know " go" . So we got everything needed and Tim and his girlfriend Kelly, and myself headed out the long and windy road to his place in Fairview. (Tim had gotten disability at this point, had a place to live and money) We had to wait till the next day for me to actually start the medicine making process, that night at Tim's, I even talked to Marie on the phone. She denies she sent the email. Even to this day , she swears up and down that it never happened, that she never sent it. There's all kinds of conspiracy theories about it according to Marie. The point is, I got an email from her account and this fucking rapists name was in it and what it said would tear any man's heart to pieces.

So , the next day . I'm at this fucking RAPE-O clown, Tim's place . I was cleaning out the shed and getting ready to make some shit. Well, that's when three Buncombe county sheriff's deputies startled me. They asked me if I had seen Tim. I told them no , but then at that very moment , Tim comes walking out. Needless to say, he was arrested, he was arrested for rape. You see , Tim was a rapist. He was charged with raping a different woman and robbing her ( Not Marie). He was a certified rapist, and he raped the woman I love, and had gotten away with it. Tim was arrested, and I took the money that he'd given me to open an account for him. I took it and bought a bus ticket to Syracuse NY , and two days later. I was with her. There really is such a thing as God. Because Tim got what he deserved, well not completely. And suddenly , all my worries ended, and all my love pains went away, and once again, I was the happiest man on earth. Because I was with her.

She was there, at the Greyhound station waiting for me, and I hugged her so hard as if it were the last hug given by man to another woman on earth. We walked and within five minutes , we were in some bushes in the parking lot of "Destination USA" - the mall near the Greyhound station in Syracuse. We were in those bushes making love like two people that are madly in love. Cars passing by and they probably could see us. We didn't care, because we were in love , so much in love. Love is such a beautiful thing . True love never dies, I really believe that. It never dies, but it does most certainly kill. Just like the old Ed Hardy Tattoos. " Love kills slowly"

So , this is the part when Marie gets a place and the place is like a boarding house for men. She had gotten the place on her own, with help from DSS. Her landlord would prove to be another one on the long list of men trying to fuck my chick. It's very disheartening when you have someone you love so dearly , and they think it's ok to flirt. To flirt and actually get caught in the act and still deny it. Yup, that's Marie. Deny it completely , even when you get caught red handed- Just deny it.

The place was just a raggedy old ass three or four level big house. Just old. The landlord said , " make sure that when you leave, set off a bug bomb , to kill the bed bugs" . WHAT,? BED BUGS? ARE YOU SERIOUS MARIE? So, Marie didn't really want me around. I could sense it. I was staying in the absolute worst place I had ever stayed in. The "Ox" as it was called. Was short for the " oxford " men's shelter in Syracuse. It was absolutely horrible . And just the fact that I stayed there is testament to how much I loved this woman. This place was scumbag central. And I met a guy there. This guy actually knew Marie. He claims he met her there and that she was flirting with him too. Well , I don't think she knew, but this guy was out on parole and staying at the "Ox" , he was on parole for killing someone. So , here you go Marie, great choice of friends you have.Fucking flirting with murderers, and trying to get him to buy her a phone, that's what he said. And I believe him. Because he doesn't have any reason to lie.

Anyhow, so Marie finally got a place. I was so excited, we finally get some time alone. Or did we? Marie's kind heart will get you fucked up EVERYTIME!

DeeDee was this black chick that Marie had become friends with. Deedee was homeless and looking for someone to use. Well, here comes Marie on the scene. And I was there , so, I watched the whole thing go down , we met DeeDee on the street. She was trying to get Marie to take off and leave me. And like so many other times, I begged Marie , I begged her to tell DeeDee to get the fuck gone. It's always other people that get in our relationship and fuck it up. I've been telling Marie this from the very beginning. But , she thinks it's "cool" to help people and put them before me, because that's what she does , and did with DeeDee , and many others, so , here we are stuck with Marie's new friend DeeDee. So we go back to Marie's place. Dee Dee is upstairs and Marie and I are in her downstairs bathroom. We got so high, and we fucked so good, any man that had Marie after that night could not compare to what I did to her, and the way I made her feel . I had pretty much ruined it for any man after that night. That night set the standard for having sex and having sex with Marie. At one point I had her on her head , upside down , and right side up. It was, most definitely, no doubt in my mind , the best sex humanly possible. To finish it off , we decided to go up to her room. And set up a little divider , you know a partition like , so we could continue our night of sex. That's what we liked doing, getting high and having sex, literally all night and into the next day . Sometimes , for days. Yes, I could perform like that, and Marie, well , she's a machine. This chick can fuck like no other. I guarantee it. That's another reason why we are so good together, not good , PERFECT! So with DeeDee on the other side of the room, I commenced to going down on Marie . I was eating her out for at least three hours , if not more. Time stands still when we are together. And this time it wouldn't be any different. I was and still am , a master at cunnilingus . Marie will tell you, my head game is serious. But this particular night, I was going to town , eating , sucking , licking , you name it- for at least three hours , I was. Until I started itching. Then I would stop and scratch. And scratch some more and itch some more. And then DeeDee said, are they biting you too? Well folks , it's a wrap. Fucking bed bug psychosis is real. And I had it . Those fucking bed bugs ruined it , and me . I'm scratching now. Just thinking about it. Well, the next few weeks turned from bad to worse. With Marie locking me out of her place and leaving me alone to stay in some fucking shit hole shelter in Syracuse, a place that I only went to , because she asked me to. I was so hurt , and actually ruined from that experience, I wanted to get as far away from her as possible. So I gathered up my courage, and went to the Catholic Charities , and asked for a ticket away from her and there.....

So I returned to a place that I would never in a million years go to. And she acted like I was just some dumbass . Some fucking fun dummy, which I was. And the fucking pain she caused was like no other. And I will never forget, the lady from the Catholic Charities in Syracuse , the woman who brought me to the bus station , her name was Mary Jane I remember because she told me as she helped me into the terminal. She said " you'll be back" well, she was with the church. So maybe it was God , communicating through her. But either way you look at it. She was fucking right. Because as you will see if you keep reading this story, I do come back to the state of New York, whick would make it a trifecta of stupidness. A three- dummy strikes -and your out- you big Dummy, Jpizzle!

And so, it was Thanksgiving day in 2018. I arrived in Corpus that night. I was in a place I loved , but without the only woman I loved. Actually , she is the only person I really love. I love God, but I love Marie even though she does what she does. She doesn't realize the pain she causes. God , help me. I feel like a dog that was just dropped off at an animal shelter. Not given any reason why, just abandoned. My heart is hurting me really bad right now. I think I'm going to cry, God , why does love hurt so bad?, See there it goes, that fucking good heart of mine. It's like my heart is addicted to the pain called Marie Camp. Even after all the bullshit, and her doing nothing to improve our getting back together. She is happy without me, she has her ' freedom' as she calls it. Free to help out other dudes , freedom to fuck whoever, and freedom to delete her numbers and or block me. Freedom from me, what she fails to realize , is I will leave her alone, FOREVER. Because , my days are numbered. Yes, they really are. They told me , I have stage four cancer that has metastasized to my bones, yes, all throughout my body, the cancer has spread. And is thriving on my brokenhearted soul...

Although , at times , I feel as though , she knows, I am the best man for her. And that there isn't and won't ever be, someone that loves her as much as I .

[honoringthehorrific]

I watched X (2022) after Pearl (2022) and here's what I thought...

Lord have mercy it's been a while hasn't it? Lets churn out one for the new year! As always: Spoilers under the cut! <3

I'm gonna do this one differently than my usual reviews since I haven't seen the movie in a while, instead of my typical play by play I'm gonna just tell you what I thought and talk about specific scenes. Now, I know this movie was the first in the series, but I was more drawn to the look of the prequel, and I hadn't heard much promo for this movie until my dad watched it alone and boasted to me about it being one of the most fucked movies he's ever seen and I knew I had to watch it. I will say if you're going into this movie expecting some super disturbing gore-fest...Prepare to be disappointed. Don't get me wrong AT ALL the blood and effects are beautiful and i thought the amount of violence was perfect. However don't be fooled. Anyone who says this movie is gross or disturbing or fucked up may just be echoing the point the movie is trying to make.

This movie is about getting older, its about sex and porno and being free but I genuinely think the main focus is getting older.

When we meet pearl she sees herself reflected in Maxine and that's made painfully clear by the choice to cast Mia Goth as BOTH Pearl and Maxine. Pearl consistently watches Maxine almost out of jealousy but I would even argue out of mourning...She's seeing this girl come to her home, This beautiful girl who looks just like her when she was her age, making those movies the projectionist showed her when she was younger. Seeing this girl with a boyfriend who wants to make her a star, with friends...I imagine its painful to a degree...

Pearl repeatedly expresses sexual desires she still has but can't act on them because she's too old...Harold's heart can't take the strain sex would put on it and she has no other outlets as the young adults are either disgusted with her and reject her advances (RJ and Max) or treat her as if she's a child. (Bobby Lynne) I loved these characters so much. While it pays homage to one of my all time favorite slashers, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, It isn't like your typical slasher. These kids are lovable. These kids you want to see make it...Except maybe Wayne. You get snippets of their personalities and their motives as time goes on: Bobby Lynne wants to be a star like the other girls but also she thought about becoming a nurse because her nanna used to get confused. Jackson is a Vietnam vet who actually shows Howard immense respect unlike the typical rude kid persona we see in movies like these. RJ wants to make serious movies and is a cinema buff but he also cares a lot about his girlfriend Lorraine. Lorraine, while being the typical "pure" virgin character, also wants to join in and experience something new. Maxine came from an Evangelical christian household and seems to be escaping that constricting life with Wayne. One thing that I think is incredibly sad is when people mention how "fucked up" this movie is, the focus seems to center not on the gore or effects but...on the fact that it displays the elderly in a sexual light and wanting to still have sex. It's interesting because even in the movie, despite certain characters discounting the elderly couple (Wayne mentions something a long the lines of Harold forgetting how to use his dick) there is this scene where Bobby-Lynne is explaining things to Lorraine, and it's not a main focus in her statement, but she says that in the sex industry nothing matters, gay, straight, your race, or your age. I think we have a really idealized version of MILFs and Cougars, Older women with sexual desires, when we forget that often those "Older women" can look like pearl...

I thought the underlying message of even the elderly can want love and sex was sort of romantic and beautiful? I wish more people picked up on it and I'm certain I'm not the only one who did. It's just strange talking to anyone i know in person who saw this movie talk about it like it's so nasty and grotesque when it seems like the gore is somewhat minimal compared to the typical slashers I know these people watch? Now that's not to discount the effects AT ALL I loved what we did see when we saw it, RJ's blood spatter on the headlights, Wayne getting his eyeballs gouged out (that one actually made me cringe in my seat!) All of these were done pretty well while at the same time having this sort of....at home feel? I'm really not ragging on them i love practical effects and i don't know how much of this was practical but some of the effects feel like someone did it by hand, It felt akin to watching a movie from the 80s vs one modernly. Which honestly could have been the feel that they were going for.

The ending was sooo good too. I loved finding out that Maxine had some sort of tie back to this TV preacher we keep seeing. I loved the scene where she repeats him and you can hear on the TV him speak before her, "Say it with me now!" The one thing I don't like is how pearl turns on her at the end? Calling her a whore and what not however, I don't think this is out of character for pearl, she has a lot of outbursts like this in her prequel movie, the one that i can think of mainly is the scarecrow scene if you've seen Pearl (P.S. if you haven't oh my god?? go watch it?? even if you hated X I think Pearl is a reaaaally good stand alone film!) I do think it was fitting even if i didn't particularly like it. The end where Max drives off, hitting pearl on the way seems soooo fitting too. The comparison of pearl and max through the movie, their confrontation at the end where max wins and hits her with the truck after she falls and breaks her hip...It feels fitting maybe because of how the elderly and the young butt heads...Maybe how the young typically come out the end because the elderly pass away...I don't know maybe I'm reaching too far on this one. Over all a pretty good movie, I'd give it a 7/10 just because it seems like for how people hyped it up and the trailers hyped it up the gore and story elements just didn't scream at me that this was a fucked up movie. It definitely feels like a weaker movie compared to pearl, pearl worked so good as a stand alone film and I feel like X had potential to be that good? I think this was still a very good movie! I recommend it :) --- Post Notes: I'm sorry this one took so long. It's been a while since I actually watched X and I was really worried about this review not being as solid or as consistent as my pearl one. I think it's still all over the place but I wanted to give you guys this because i think there's at least a handful of people that I've kept waiting on this :) If I missed anything and you wanna pick my brain on it I'll respond to any asks or any replies (Note replies are gonna get responses from my main account @playboycreature cause this is a side blog)

[kamil-a]

btw im still yet to finish the last piece of elliot nonstay but. okay this has the vague appearance of an essay (long) but has no structure or thesis whatsoever. lets ramble.

i think we can already hold a gender studies class (lmao) on it that goes something like this, that all alice's insecurities about her relationship with elliot fuel these very..... image of a housewife comforting her tired breadwinning husband...ish, do you know what i mean? acts. oh he's so tired from work (more on this later), i need to cook for him i need to fix his clothes i need to literally massage him.

but all that's stuff he already has access too because a: he's a foodie who loves seeking out cool niche restaurants, b: his clothes fix themselves with literal magic, and c: everyone in the hatter house massages each other as a post-work bonding hobby (WHICH IS CUTE). actually i take back c i cant imagine elliot letting people touch him. well except blood of course. oho! haha. hehehe. okay let's get back on track.

right so the POINT is she's losing at girl really bad in this one, and really struggling with that, and he isnt noticing because to him the thing she is providing is...romantic love? intimacy? companionship? obviously cookies your gf made are more special than cookies a chef made!! but from her point of view, no matter how much she runs, she can't catch up to actually Providing Housewifery to him (because she's not a hatter girl). (interestingly, she doesn't do this stuff as much when she IS a hatter girl).

okay, it's later, more on this: she also, by her own in game admission, fixes his coat to take her mind off the parts of their relationship she's scared to tackle, namely that he works at the murder factory. and that he's in opposition to HER chosen territory, which means it's her friends and coworkers he's killing at least part of the time. she's throwing every justification she can at this one, but mostly trying to distract herself.

one more interesting twist: there are times when she can't bring herself to lie and tell her partner she's staying for sure, and this is not one of them. she directly chooses to straight up lie to elliot (oh ill just go home and say goodbye and then come back!)

(It's been a while, but i think that's actually her for real not lying plan in stay route. Huh.)

anyway this is kind of a usual thing to do with elliot, who tends to get really stubborn on dumb arguments until you just go okay fine i agree with whatever bs youre saying. but this isnt a dumb argument and i suspect he knows she's lying, or at least doubts her out of insecurity, and i bet that's why he went behind HER back to try and find a way to force her to stay.

(but of course as we know she can only be forced to stay if by some deepdown subconscious will, she- im trying to find a not awful sounding way to put this, because "wants to be forced" is, yikes!- wants the option to leave taken out of the equation hard enough. It's a free will reacharound. but that doesn't excuse elliot or anyone else TO BE CLEAR , it's just a little grimace moment about Themes.)

but in any case, unlike in stay, i get the feeling alice has never really had a deep conversation with him, has always tried to keep it light, puts SOOOO much weight on what a cute little bunny he is, because i think she's scared of finding out things about him she doesn't want to know, and he rolls with it because he's scared of scaring her. she [shrek 2 png] doesn't even know how he wants to die. lmao. which 2 BE FAIR she doesnt find out from talking to him in stay route either but at least she knows it.

she never ever likes having feelings convos but she REALLY tries to avoid it in this one lmao, stuffing his face full of muffins whenever he tries to say he loves her, which IS ADORABLE AND NOT A BAD THING 2 BE CLEAR it just is one point in this constellation of a relationship she's afraid of having a real direct conversation in. That said maybe im forgetting things and wrong about this, that's always an option. It's just fun to say words.

anyway i imagine blood is watching his best friend ever and his new friend he's grown to really value having this weird eggshell relationship like :^) this is fine!

oh one more thing. i worry a lot whenever she talks about specifically wanting to be where lorina is, how when she says she wants to go home and home means lorina to her....... just bad feelings from this.

but can you connect this sentiment popping up to how dismally she's losing at girl in this one? something something the deep knowledge that going to where lorina is means going [points in the vague direction of human heaven] and the last and most potent weapon any player of the girl game has in her arsenal is death and eulogy? idk, maybe. whoa this got dark, sorry.

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You've probably seen tons of face masks claiming to give you glowing skin and amazing results. But let’s be real – most of them are either uncomfortable, complicated to use, or just don’t deliver.

Our Red Light Face Mask is different. Imagine a mask that’s soft and comfy, made from high-quality silicone, and made in a FDA-cleared factory.

From Kim Kardashian to Victoria Beckham and Julia Roberts, Hollywood’s most radiant faces are all pampering their skin with LED light therapy. This anti-aging essential has become the go-to choice of celebs, promising effortless rejuvenation and youthful-looking skin.

No more heavy, awkward masks that feel like a workout to wear. Our mask is lightweight with an adjustable head strap – you might even forget you’re wearing it!

And guess what? It’s rechargeable and portable. You can use it while watching TV, cooking, or even working on your laptop. Plus, it’s designed to be easy to use – no confusing manuals or complicated steps. Just put it on and let it work its magic.

But here's the real kicker – it actually works. We're talking real, visible results. Your skin will glow, look healthier, and feel rejuvenated. No more empty promises. With our Light Therapy Facial-X7 Mask, you get a skincare product that delivers.

7 Different Light Options, Each Targeting Specific Skin Concerns:

Unlike other face masks that offer only ONE type of light therapy, our Red Light Face Mask comes with 7 different light options, each targeting specific skin concerns:

Red light = Boosts collagen production for firmer, younger-looking skin.

Blue light = Fights acne and soothes irritation.

Green light: = Balances skin tone and reduces redness.

Yellow light = Energizes your skin cells.

Purple light = Combines red and blue light benefits for the ultimate skin rejuvenation.

Cyan light = Enhances cell energy.

Laser light = Penetrates deep to improve overall skin health.

Backed by Science

The Light Therapy Facial-X7 Mask isn't just hype – it's backed by science. Light therapy has been proven to boost collagen production, reduce inflammation, and improve overall skin health.

While most masks in the market only offer 1 to two light options, we offer 7 light colors - which target specific skin concerns, providing a comprehensive skincare solution that delivers real, visible results.

Manufactured with Care

The Light Therapy Facial-X7 Mask is made in a certified factory that meets all FDA guidelines (FDA-cleared). This means you can trust the quality and safety of our product. We ensure that every mask is crafted to the highest standards, so you get a product that is not only effective but also safe for regular use.

You can also try this Product Light Therapy Facial-X7

Tried and Tested 

Thousands of satisfied customers and A-list celebrities can't be wrong. Join the growing number of people who have transformed their skin with Red Light Therapy. See the difference for yourself and get ready to glow!

Disclaimer

There are some affiliate links in this article by which I can get little commission.