#I didn't catch any fish by the way but I had fun with my friends and met a lot of dogs.

[captain-astors]

Indifference

[himezoro]

Can you do head canons of how the straw hats would cheer you up if they noticed you were sad?

— thank you so much for requesting, and being my first request ! ୨୧ i mainly focused on the monster trio, i'll be happy to do a part 2 with other straw hats if you want to (tbh i was so excited to write after work that i could not wait lmao). i hope you'll enjoy it as much as i liked writing it for you ⋆˙⟡♡ i didn't know if it was meant to be their s/o, so i went for both hypothesis.

— ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ : how would the monster trio cheer you up if they noticed you were sad ?

wc : 1400+

warning! : mention of gender (female) in sanji's part !

sailing with the strawhats has always been pure magic and ectic each day. watching the sun sets in the most beautiful places, feeling the breeze tickling your nose, discovering nature in all its glory, dancing to the rythm of the waves. but traveling the seas had its tough times. who could have thought that your inner demons would catch up, when the thousands sunny would go so many ways ?

during these tempestuous times, with a forced smile on your face, the light in your eyes dimmed, and when you thought (or, your inner demons so declared), no one noticed, or that no one cared...

monkey d luffy

[ if you were his friend ]

luffy brings light with each blink of his round, bright eyes. he is the life of the party, hell, he is the party.

and even though he is used to having some more quiet souls around him, like zoro or robin, he sure can notice when someone is feeling sad, especially a crewmate. a friend.

when he noticed your absence during the time the ship decked on a beautiful beach, luffy asked for you, as he would for any of his comrades.

when he heard you stayed on the ship "to get some rest", he nodded and kept on having fun with usopp and chopper.

but the time flied, and you did not show up.

luffy would scream for you at the top of his lungs for you to come out and look at him pull pranks and build a really fun castle. he would do anything to make you laugh. even if it meant getting dugged in the sand by his friends or used as a kite for kite-surfing.

if his screams didn't make you come out (or, get him killed by nami), he would run to the ship and offer you a present : seashells he collected.

he would offer his biggest smile and tell you that he will be back soon with a giant fish for everyone to eat.

needless to say, he ended up drowning and that, made you laugh.

[ if you were his s/o ]

again, luffy may look a little over the moon, but he can make the difference between introversion and sadness.

if he would do anything to make you laugh as a friend, as a partner, luffy would tend to be more quiet.

luffy immediatly feels your sadness, even from miles away. it clenches his heart. he hates it when he knows his antics are not enough to make you smile. he feels like he failed in some way.

luffy's love language is physical touch. be prepared for a lot of cuddling sessions where he would not.let.you.breathe.

he hopes to bring warmth to your heart. he would not kiss you, but trap you with his elastic arms for as long as you want, or until he has to eat.

if you say you need space and alone time, luffy would respect that. instead, he would put his hat on your head and patiently wait until you're ready to be welcomed in his arms.

he's a sweetheart overall i want to squish him

roronoa zoro

[ if you were his friend ]

roronoa zoro is a quiet animal, a man of a few words. he respects boundaries more than anyone on the ship, which is why you liked having him around, especially during these dark times.

but just because zoro is quiet doesn't mean he does not notice. boy, does he notice. that man is always on watch, his guard on, he can feel the switch in the air the second he saw you sitting in a secluded space of the ship.

he knows he's not skillfull with words, and he knows he does not like prying. so, he does not ask questions. he just acknowledges your current state, and leaves you space.

when other crew members would ask for you, he would lie and say you're asleep in your quarters and do not want to be disturbed. he would make sure no one gets close to the place you're currently hiding, knowing that if you were there, it meant not wanting to be seen dealing with these emotions.

he would yell at luffy for being too loud and pretend it disturbs his own peace.

when he sees you come out looking sad again and cross his path, he would not talk or say anything. instead, he would give you a small, silent, yet, eloquent nod.

in other words : zoro would be the greatest gardian

[ if you were his s/o ]

zoro often felt like he was not a great partner. he's not energetic like luffy, romantic and eloquent like sanji... he feels like a brute.

but if there's one thing zoro is confident in for sure, in his relationship with you, it's his ability to protect you, to shield you from harm.

as a friend, he always feels protective of his crewmates, but when it comes to his s/o, this boy would build a whole planet just for them to be safe and sound. at peace.

so he immediatly notices you were sad with the way you bid "goodnight" after dinner.

he left you alone for a couple of minutes, just so you would not feel oppressed. again, this man knows boundaries.

yet, he is unable to stay away from you and leaving you alone in such state. his duty is to protect you from even the smallest ant. even if he has a lot of trust in your strength, he cannot help but to come into your room and sit, lay by you. he would not ask you to talk, but he will. after placing a kiss on your wet temple and a hand on your shivering shoulder, he would quietly state, with determination and pure adoration : "i'll be waiting by your side, if you need anything."

he would probably fall asleep, but he kept his promise, and his hand remained on your shoulder the entire time.

vinsmoke sanji

[ if you were his friend ]

sanji cares about the well-being of his crewmates like no other. after all, he is the chef, he is responsible for your health, and you know what they say : le bonheur est dans l'assiette (translation, happiness lies in the plate).

so when sanji notices you have not finished your meal last night, he figures that you just didn't like its taste.

so the next day for lunch, he tried to improve his recipe and served the meal once again, but to no avail. you did not eat a bite and quickly left.

sanji then understood the meal was not the issue here (he's a great chef after all, i cannot see him fail a recipe), but it was something else. you were sad. and this man cannot let a pretty lady in such dismay (or a friend in general).

sanji would bake your favorite cookies and, if you're a female, bring them over to you on a silver tray with the most marvelous bouquet to make you feel like a princess. it would be difficult for him to hide his excitement when he sees you, but he would understand your need to be left alone if this would please you.

but if you needed someone to talk, female or not, this man would pour down a cup of wonderful tea and listen to you for minutes, hours, hell, even for days, and provide a lot of advices and support.

he would not eat the treats he made for you, claiming they were yours and he "feeds off your growing happiness".

[ if you were his s/o ]

he would do everything he would do for a friend. after all, sanji is known to be kindhearted, thoughtful and attentive.

but when it comes to his s/o being sad ? he would feel it right away, like lightning.

before checking on you and reacting, sanji would think. this boy is sensitive, filled with empathy. so he would question himself and wonder if he is the cause of your sadness. is he too cliché ? is he too pushy ? does he not compliment you enough ? is the attention he gives to other ladies problematic ? he would think a lot about his own actions to make sure he can comfort you the right way.

so even though he notices your sadness really early on, he takes a while to react.

but when he does, expect your favorite treats along with a wonderful handwritten note under the plate where this boy tells you everything he wants you to know, "so you can cherish these words forever and hold them to your heart when feeling sorrow"

he would not give you the plate in person if you asked to be left alone, instead, he would silently leave it by your window and wait until you open it to offer you a sweet, loving kiss, on top of your forehead. like la cerise sur le gâteau (translation, the cherry on top of the cake).

2024 © himezoro - do not repost or translate my work. likes, reblogs, and comments are welcome

[thatlonelymonster]

Little fights

Pairing: Lo'ak x male Metkayina reader x Aonung

Pronouns used: he/him

Words: 2k

Warnings: none

Request: “If your requests are open can I req some Aonung x male reader x Lo’ak? Any plot really, just some fluff would be nice”

"(M/n)! (M/n), over here!" What was that? My thoughts were still cloudy when I was awakened from my nap on the beach. "Oh man, just leave him, can’t you see he's sleeping?" "(M/n), look!" I sat up and rubbed my eyes. My gaze wandered over the water until I could see two figures not far away from me, to whom I could assign the voices from just now. It took me a second to get on my feet. Then I stretched briefly and patted some sand off of my tweng.

Finally, I started moving to make my way to the water. The spot where the low waves reached the beach was barely a few meters away. As the waves swept over my feet, I sighed contentedly. Feeling the coolness of the ocean on my body was one of my favorite feelings. But the quiet satisfaction did not last long when the same voice from earlier called my name again: "(M/n), look what I caught!" One of my boyfriends, Lo'ak, waved his hands excitedly in the air. His fingers were clasped around a short spear, on which a fish, a little larger than his head, was wriggling impaled. "Nice catch, love!" I closed the few steps between us and patted his shoulder with a grin. "Right?" He beamed from ear to ear. He had such a way about him, his joy was just contagious. "And Aonung made fun of me because of it!" I tried to contain myself from chuckling when I noticed the little pout that had now spread across his lips. It was clear to me that he was only looking for my confirmation with his actions. And since I knew what made him tick, I didn't want to deny him the little praise. So I just leaned over and gave him a small kiss that served its purpose and put the smile back on his pretty face. "Oh, don't hold it against him, he's just jealous because he hasn't caught anything yet." I quipped. Although I had said this quietly, a second later I heard some angry mumbling. Something about how this is not true and Lo'ak being like a baby who wouldn't even catch a tadpole.

I hadn't intended to have to start this all over again and I regretted saying anything at all. The relationship between Lo'ak and Aonung was, well, let's say more often still difficult. Before Lo'ak had joined our relationship, they had become friends to some extent, but not without constantly teasing each other. I had expected it to get better since the three of us were together, but now they were constantly arguing for my attention, which of them was better at what and more unnecessary quarrels on a toddler level. This rivalry, whether playful or not, sometimes really got on my nerves, as they were both very important to me. And I wasn't their mother to arbitrate such things all the time. Sometimes I wish that everything could just be a little more tension-free. I turned to Aonung, thinking about saying something, and couldn't decide whether to apologize to him for my comment or blame him for his. However, this decision was taken away from me when Lo'ak caught me off guard by placing his spear in the water and jumping into my arms, almost causing me to fall backwards in the process. By doing so, he was successful in drawing my attention back to him.

I put my hands around his back to hold him up. "Are you proud of me?" His gaze rested intensely on my face and he gave me an expression full of joyful anticipation. For now, I buried my face in the crook of his neck so he couldn't see my amused smile. It was mean, I knew that, but somehow Aonung wasn't entirely wrong with his words. Of course, since Lo'ak was one of the forest people, he had no practice in our hunt and had to start very small. And, of course, I didn't want to dissuade him from this progress by discouraging him. "Yes, soo proud!" I muttered, fueling his ego. Aonung snorted in exasperation. "Come on, can you even call this little thing a fish? Even a baby could catch something like that!", he said spitefully with his typical challenging grin. I had learned to just ignore his cheeky comments to Lo'ak, because when I scolded them for their little fights, both of them just ended up whining. "Oh, is that so, Aonung? You don't have to say anything, because unlike you, I actually caught something! And I'm not even from here!" He stuck his tongue out at the older boy. "Guys, please!" "He started it!", came from both of them at the same time.

As always, no one took the blame. In the end, I decided to let them discuss it when else because I couldn't bear their squabbling again. So, without further ado, I just went back towards the beach, literally running away from my problems for the moment. At least in part, because Lo'ak was still clinging to my neck and now wrapped his legs around my waist so as not to fall off due to my movement. "Hey, where are we going?" he asked, confused. "I don't know. I'll just separate you from each other until you behave appropriately for your age again." I also didn't care if Lo'ak was offended by my comment now. If he were, he would simply end up somewhere in the water. I was just fed up at the moment. However, to my surprise, he just relaxed in my arms and caressed the tattoos on my shoulders with his fingers. I waited for him to say something, but he didn't.

It wasn't until I arrived at the small cave somewhere near the beach, where we often came, that he let go of my neck and dropped on his own feet. Even though I loved carrying him around, I was glad that I didn't have to hold his weight anymore as it made walking kind of difficult. "Do we want to cook the fish for dinner?" he asked softly. The fish. "Well, did you bring it with you?" We both looked at each other in expressionless realization. "We forgot the fish." I sighed. "Then we'll just eat with the others later." He nodded. But I could see a hint of disappointment on his face. "You'll catch another one tomorrow!" He nodded again. Then he reached out to me and gave me the grasping hands movement. "Cuddle?" I asked him with my head tilted to the side. Instead of giving me an answer, he simply pulled me into a tight embrace. I didn't know why he was so needy for attention today, but of course I didn't mind. "Come on, let's make ourselves comfortable." I looked around the cave. It wasn't big, but it didn't have to be. When we first found it, we put a little effort into decorating it with leaves and laying out moss to sit on, built a small fire pit from a circle of stones and that was it. It wasn't my home, but I felt almost as at home here as I did in the village. Yet this was probably because I shared this place with my boyfriends and thus connected it with them.

I chose a large moss pillow to sit on and pulled Lo'ak by the hand towards me. As he wriggled around, trying to find a position that was comfortable for both of us, I watched him. In the end, he just rested his head on my chest and pulled his legs to him like a baby. My gaze wandered over his beautiful body. His skin tone, which had a darker shade of blue than mine, his strong but delicate hands with five beautifully long fingers, the patterns on his arms, chest, torso and legs, and actually all over his body, his thin forest tail, which probably made swimming much more difficult. He wasn't just special because he looked different from my people. He was also unique in his own way. "What is it?" I looked down and saw him staring at me with his big yellow orbs. It just looked indescribably adorable. "Nothing. You're just unbelievably beautiful." I gave him a warm smile. A dark purple blush crept onto his cheeks and he quickly hid them in his hands. "Don't just say something like that, skxawng!" His embarrassment made me laugh. "And you don't hide your cute face!" Carefully, I grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands away from his face. His pupils were slightly dilated and his face still had a soft shade of purple. This sight made my face heat up as well. Without taking my eyes off him, I intertwined my fingers with his.

"Wow, now you're even cuddling without me. Lo'ak jumped when we suddenly heard a voice in the entrance of the cave. I laughed at his startled expression. Then I turned to the figure that was now approaching. The beautiful figure of my other boyfriend. He gave us a hurt look. So sad and genuine-looking that it would have convinced me if I hadn't known him so well. His arms were crossed in front of his chest and he was holding something in his hands. Could that... "You brought the fish!" Lo'ak exclaimed happily. "Yes, but I'm not giving it to you since you're shutting me out like that." Lo'ak's happy expression turned into a guilty one. "Aonung, don't tease him like that!" He huffed. "Don't tease him like that!" he imitated me in a silly voice. "Why are you babying him all day?" I stared at him and he held my gaze. "Are you actually jealous?" I asked incredulously as I slowly saw through him. "No." It sounded more like a question than an answer. That would probably never change. Why did he always want to play tough and cool to hide the fact that he needed something? No matter if it was help or attention. He never asked for it and for years I noticed how he suffered in silence when he was struggling with something. This thought made me a little sad. Not only did he think he had to behave this way, he also acted like that in front of me as if I hadn't known him all his life. I had been his friend all these years, and not so long ago I become his boyfriend. "(M/n)?"

Yeah, maybe I had stared at him for too long. "Come here, darling." I opened one arm for him while holding Lo'ak's hand with the other. He still pretended to weigh whether or not to do it, but the next second, he put the spear with the fish on it down and got on his knees to crawl up to me and curl up next to Lo'ak in my arm. "We would never leave you out, you know that, right?" I asked him, gently stroking his head with my hand. He closed his eyes and kept silent. I sighed. "I love you so much. Both of you. Can't you imagine how hard it is for me to see you arguing all the time? I know you don't hate each other and I don't want to choose between the two of you. Moments like this are just too precious. Don't you prefer that to arguing?" They were both quiet, probably too proud to say anything. "I'm sorry I made fun of your hunting skills, Lo'ak." Aonung spoke under his breath. Lo'ak turned his gaze to him. "I'm sorry I stuck my tongue out at you and mocked you for not catching anything. I know you're a great hunter!" The words of the two almost melted my heart. "(M/n), are you crying?" "No!" Suddenly, they both laughed together. "You two are impossible!" I said, giggling and shaking my head. "I know, I know." Aonung snickered. We stayed like this for a few more minutes, then the older one shifted in my arms. "As much as I enjoy this, can we get up and make a fire now? It's getting dark and I'm really hungry!"

I hope you liked it :)

[archangeldyke-all]

*heavy breathing* I need more protective Sev, that bodyguard fic had me foaming at the mouth...anyways please may I request vigilante!sevika x journalist!reader

i was up all night thinking about this ask anon this is such a good idea

men and minors dni

"you really won't come with me?" you ask. sevika laughs across the table at you.

"fuck no."

"sevika!" you pout. she shakes her head.

"what made you think i'd say yes? you know i hate the promenade." she grunts. you roll your eyes.

"but you're just invested in this story as i am!"

"you don't know they'll strike tonight."

"right. the masked vigilante that's been picking off zaun's corrupt rich one by one won't be attending the biggest gala of the year, that makes sense. don't be stupid sev! they're gonna be there, and they're gonna take their next victim, and i'm gonna be there to catch 'em. and then you're gonna feel like an asshole for not comin' with me."

"'catch 'em'?" sevika asks. you roll your eyes.

"no, fine, not catch 'em. just ask 'em a few questions." you say, leaning back in your chair as the waitress arrives with your food.

you've been investigating this vigilante since they started their work about a year ago. you don't know much, just that they're protecting the people of zaun better than any piltover enforcer ever has. they're quick and efficient, they don't leave a trace. they'll kill anyone from corrupt businessmen who live on the promenade to lowlife domestic abusers in the depths of the undercity.

you work for the local radio station, you get a weekly hour long segment where you can talk about whatever you want. lately, this mysterious vigilante has been all you've talked about.

about six months ago, you got a visitor at work. sevika. she told you she'd heard your segment last night, and she was fascinated with the new hero of zaun. you'd never met the woman before, but the two of you became fast friends discussing the vigilante and comparing notes. and now, she's abandoning you.

"i can't believe you. you're supposed to be my partner in crime!" you pout as you tuck into your sandwich. sevika chuckles around her burger.

"i've got a job, you know." she says. you roll your eyes.

"you don't work nights." you grunt. sevika chuckles.

"maybe i just don't wanna meet my hero. aren't you worried you'll meet 'em and they'll be... normal?"

"what are you talking about, that would be amazing! a normal person taking justice into their own hands? protecting the vulnerable and poor? that's the story of the year right there!" you say, throwing a french fry at sevika across the table. she just rolls her eyes and tosses the fry in her mouth.

the gala blows. you spent half your paycheck on a dress nice enough for this, and you're definitely regretting it. it's just a bunch of rich people who make their money off exploited miners making speeches about how hard they worked for their money. at least the food's good. and the drinks are free.

you've caught no sight of anyone who looks like your mysterious vigilante. the worst part is sevika's gonna be a know-it-all asshole about it. you can already hear her now, 'i told you it'd be a bust,' and 'i can't believe you spent that much on a dress!' you pout. she's such an asshole. you're still a bit pissed she didn't come with you. you were looking forward to seeing her in a suit or dress, maybe dancing with her for a bit, making fun of rich assholes all night long as you both slip fancy silverware into your purse to sell later.

you sigh. you've been daydreaming about sevika a lot lately. the teeny tiny crush you've had on her since the moment you met her has grown ten times in size, and now you're so hopelessly in love with your friend that you can't go twenty minutes without thinking about her. fuck this, you're going to smoke.

you make your way to the balcony, leaning against the wall and fishing a joint out of your purse. shit. you don't have a lighter.

there's a man beside you smoking a cigar. you recognize him from the papers, the CEO of some chemtech company that's in deep shit right now for it's human experimentation. "you need a light?" he asks. you snatch the lighter out of his outstretched hand, lighting your joint before passing it back. "what, no thank you?" he asks with a smirk. you roll your eyes.

"my cousin was one of the poor fucks who signed up to get poked and prodded by your scientists. died three weeks later. all for a hundred extra bucks." you spit out. the man chuckles.

"i'm sorry for your loss, dear, but you should know i had nothing to do with it." you take a long drag off your joint, considering how many nights you'd spend in jail if you decked this fucker right here and now. "i was just as shocked as the public was when these accusations came to light!" he insists, his cocky smirk never leaving his lips. you roll your eyes. "what's a pretty girl like you doing here all alone, anyways?" he asks. you scoff at him.

"working." you say. he raises an eyebrow at you and you turn to go back inside. before you can push the door open, he's got a hand around your wrist.

"working? what kind of work do you do?" he asks, his eyes trailing up and down your body. "anything i can... support you in?" he asks as he licks his lips. you scoff.

"fuck you! i'm not a hooker! and even if i was i'd rather die than sleep with a spineless fuck like you." you grunt as you struggle against his hold. he backhands you, and you gasp, your hand coming up to hold your cheek.

"you better watch your mouth, girl." he grunts out, crowding you against the balcony railing. you gulp.

you're trapped. if you back up any further, you'll tip over the ledge and fall a few hundred feet to your death. his hands are pinned on either side of you, and in front of you his growing erection is pressing against your thigh. panic starts to build in your chest. "get the fuck off of me." you squeak. he chuckles.

"and why would i do that? i got you right where i want you now." he whispers against your ear. you shiver. "don't worry, honey. once i'm done with you i'll send you home with enough money to feed you for a month." tears start welling in your eyes as you push against his chest. he brings his hand up to choke you. you whimper. "if you keep makin' noises like that, i'll pay you double." he grunts.

behind him, something falls and lands on the balcony with a thump. you can't make out what it is, and he doesn't seem to notice. just as your vision begins fading in the corners, his grip on your throat releases. you gasp in a quick breath and watch as the man stumbles backwards. you blink. he's holding his own neck now, with both hands, as blood trickles through his fingers. you blink again. his stumbling stops when he backs into something, and he turns around to look at his assailant.

you look at them at the same time.

six foot something, broad shoulders, shrouded in black clothing, a ski mask over their face, blood dripping off the pink sword being sheathed back into their copper arm. you blink.

the man collapses to his knees in front of the vigilante, choking on his own blood. they don't seem to notice, their silver eyes locked on yours. the fear and panic in your body recede, something similar to glee rising up. you smile.

"sev?" you ask, tentatively. the eyes behind the mask blink. you giggle. "are you fucking kidding me?!" you ask, giddy. the vigilante before you sighs, their shoulders falling, a hand coming up to scratch the back of their head.

by your feet, the man's gargling and wheezing subsides. he's dead, finally. you step over his corpse into sevika's space, slowly reaching up to fiddle with her ski mask. she doesn't smack you away, so you slowly pull the mask up and over her face.

sevika's biting her lip, a worried look in her eye. you giggle. "you had work, huh?" you ask. she shrugs.

"i mean, technically this is work." she says. you shake your head in disbelief.

"i can't fuckin' believe you. this whole time?" you ask. she shrugs.

"i-- i didn't think we'd become friends." she admits. "i just wanted to make sure you weren't gonna expose me." she says. "i didn't really expect--" she cuts herself off. you blink up at her.

"expect what?" you ask.

"i didn't expect you." she finishes simply. you open your mouth to ask her what she means, but you're distracted by the shadow of a figure approaching the glass door that leads to the balcony.

"shit. you need to go." you say, pulling her mask back down over her face. she glances behind her and curses.

"fuck." she grunts, before turning and leaping up to catch the lip of the roof. she pulls herself up, then turns to reach her hand down for you. "come on." she says. you blink, then reach up to take her hand.

she pulls you up to the roof effortlessly, steadying you as you take your heels off to walk better on the slanted slate tiles as you both run away from the scene of the crime. sevika takes you back the way you suppose she'd came, down a fire escape, across a ladder between two roofs, then down into a dingy alleyway.

she catches you before your feet can get mangled by broken glass and pebbles on the alleyway, holding you bridal style. you giggle. she gulps. "you're ridiculous." you say. she shrugs. "did you know i was out there with him?" you ask. she shakes her head no.

"just heard a struggle." she says. "he wasn't the initial target tonight, but... i'm glad i went after him instead."

"me too." you say. she huffs above you. you bite your lip. "i really missed you tonight." you admit. sevika blinks down at you.

"i was gonna tell you eventually, you know." she says. you smile.

"it's okay." you say. she shakes her head no. "what?" you ask.

"it's not. you're my best friend and i've been keeping way too many secrets from you. i know i can trust you it's just..." she trails off.

"secrets?" you ask. she freezes. you laugh. "come on, sev, it can't be worse than 'i'm actually the masked hero you've been obsessed with for the past year'." you say. she huffs. you elbow her.

"i'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." you say. sevika raises an eyebrow at you.

"you got secrets?"

"just one." you say, shrugging. sevika blinks.

"okay." she says. you gulp.

"okay. put me down." you demand. sevika tosses your heels onto the ground before gently helping you into them. she keeps her hands on your hips as you wobble, shoving your feet into the shoes. she doesn't move them once you're done.

"so?" she asks. you sigh.

"if i tell you this and you act like a jackass i'm telling all of zaun your secret identity." you whisper. sevika laughs at the empty threat.

"no you wouldn't, you're not a snitch." she says. you huff.

"i know." you say. then you shrug, look sevika in her eye, and speak. "i'm kinda in love with you." you say. sevika freezes, her hands on your hips clenching into your flesh.

"'me' like, me? or 'me' like... me?" she asks, gesutring at her all black get up. you chuckle.

"you like you, sevika. you. the you i've actually known for half a year. i mean the whole vigilante thing is hot, sure, but. you're the one i'm always thinking about." you whisper.

"you think about me more than the new hero of zaun?" she asks, disbelieving. you chuckle.

"is it that hard to believe?" you ask. she gulps.

"a bit. you're very dedicated to your work. almost figured me out a few times there." she says. you laugh.

"so?" you ask. she blinks at you. "what's your other secret?" you ask. a smile slowly crawls up her face.

"oh." she says, like she's just remembering her end of the deal. "can i just show you instead?" she asks. you blink, then nod.

you expect her to take you somewhere, or maybe pull something out of her pocket. maybe she's gonna show you another feature on her mech arm, or maybe she's got a secret hideout somewhere.

what you don't expect, is for sevika to surge forward, both hands coming up to cup your jaw, her lips crashing against yours.

you squeak in surprise, then moan in pleasure, your hands coming up to wrap around sevika's strong shoulders as her hands move down to grip your waist. she presses you against the wall of the alleyway, sighing against your lips in relief, shoving a thigh between your legs. you gasp and pull away to look at her.

sevika's grinning down at you, a cocky little glint in her eye.

"surprise." she whispers against your lips. you giggle, then pull her down for another kiss.

your listeners are gonna be pissed when you give up your search for zaun's new hero. oh well, you think as you press your lips against sevika's, sevika will help me come up with a new story.

taglist!

@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

[ilearhmajeste]

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that's family guy You have to at least sniff or they'll make fun of you for laughing from another room BLUMANgrouphome

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[theflyingfeeling]

hiiiiiiii I just wrote this little Olli/Allu thingie for fun, I hope you'll have fun reading it 💖 it's soft with a pinch of pining (please act surprised), and somewhat based on a couple of conversations that have been had here in the Olli/Allu Delulu Land, some of which in my/other people's asks, others in DMs 💕

~

Olli and Aleksi had touched each other in many ways before they first kissed each other. Perhaps that was exactly what messed with Olli's head the most.

They had hugged and wrapped their arms around the other's shoulder, like any good friends did. They had exchanged a massage or two in the tour bus or backstage, and each time had left Olli a little dry-mouthed somehow, to hear Aleksi's satisfied moans or to have Aleksi's fingers graze over his shoulder blades all too gently for it to be called a massage. It's nothing, Olli would say to himself in those moments. I've got this under control.

(Already then he had known it wasn't quite how things were.)

There had been the subtle touches of hands during signing sessions and the light nudges of feet under the table at band dinners that had lived inside Olli's head for days after. When either of them was tired enough, they'd lie their head on the other's shoulder or lap and have their hair played with, absentmindedly, at least in Olli's case, until he'd notice Aleksi was staring up at him with what Olli identified as curiosity or questioning, as if Olli would somehow be able to explain how or why his fingers found it so easy to twirl Aleksi's locks around them. It just happened, every heart-shattering time, and Olli had no means to do anything about it.

Amazingly, some of the touches they had shared had been far too intimate for just two guys who enjoyed each other's company but had never even kissed each other before, like that time a hotel room play-wrestle had turned into grinding against each other until they had messed their pants, or when they had been bored out of their minds on a day off and helped each other release some built-up steam under their duvet (they hadn't been bothered to notify the hotel reception for having given them only one). Yet another time they had schemed against Niko in a game of hotel room roulette and celebrated their victory by sucking each other's brains off the following night, just for the heck of it, because it was fun and they both felt like it (And Other Lies Olli Told Himself at Night When He Couldn't Sleep).

They hadn't talked about it afterwards, because why would they have? Hey mate, 'twas fun having you in my mouth last night, I hope that didn't awaken anything in you, haha, anyway, whatcha wanna have for lunch today? In Olli's defence, it hadn't awaken anything in him, per se; that had happened a long time ago already, by touches that had been far more innocent and far more devastating.

Still, ever since that night, Olli had been wondering what it might feel like to have Aleksi's tongue elsewhere on him. The thought alone sent shivers through his entire body.

"You're not getting sick again, are you?" Niko asked him, and it was then Olli realised he had got too lost in his thoughts once again. "Better not make a habit out of it, catching something whenever we're touring the States."

"Nah, it's just..." Olli lost his line of thought when his eyes met Aleksi's across the lounge. The flash of his sympathetic smile before he turned back to his phone was enough to empty Olli's mind again. "I'm not getting sick. No need to worry. It's just... chilly here."

Also, I was imagining our DJ's tongue on my shoulder bone, on my navel, on my own tongue, but let's not get into too much detail about that.

"It's 27 fucking degrees outside..." Niko mumbled, but left it at that. Olli almost felt like kissing the man on the mouth for deciding not to bother him about it further; Niko, if anyone, would've fished the truth out of him eventually.

Olli resumed his useless daydreams about Aleksi's tongue, his eyes locked on Aleksi's brown flannel jacket thrown on the lounge sofa instead of the man himself, in fear of being too obvious, or maybe in fear of Aleksi looking back at him, whichever would be the worst option. At the same time, he craved for Aleksi's attention and for his gaze on him as much as he ached for Aleksi's touch, even though the last one had taken place just moments ago when Aleksi had lightly braced his hand on Olli's knee when he had passed him on his way to the back of the bus, where Olli had been losing himself in a variety of imaginary scenarios involving himself, Aleksi, and their hands all over each other's bodies. Yes, just a small touch from him, and Olli had been going dizzy with the need for more.

Maybe he was getting sick after all.

Olli closed his eyes and tried to think of something else for change, but Aleksi's mere presence was like a siren's song that kept calling him, and helplessly he dived into another reverie that would take him back to the night they had tested out a bath bomb a fan had given to Aleksi and ended up exchanging footjobs in the hotel room bath, or that morning after they had all spent the night in some Central European train station because their flight had been cancelled, and Olli had been so tired he hadn't noticed a pickpocket taking his phone out of his hand, but he had sensed Aleksi's calm breathing against his neck as they had leaned against each other on the dirty station floor. The combination of his favourite Aleksi memories and the gentle sway of the moving tour bus was like a rocking cradle lulling Olli until his muscles relaxed and his head felt heavy.

He felt a sudden warmth next to him, but by then he was too far gone to see what it was, and instead laid his head on something soft and familiar. If falling asleep came easy to him, so did clearing his mind off anything except for Aleksi and his soft fingers caressing his cheek, which was the last thought he had before he fell asleep.

~

When he next opened his eyes, he realised why Aleksi's touches had felt so real in his dream.

"Hey," Aleksi whispered at him, his face hovering above Olli's. "Slept well?"

Olli had, though his eyelids still weighed a ton each. He wondered how long he had been sleeping; the dim-lit lounge offered no clues of the passage of time.

"The others went to bed already."

"Ah."

"How's your neck? I... tried to make you more comfortable."

"Oh."

Olli hated how his sleepy brain only provided him with single-syllable answers.

"Yeah. 'Cause... that one time you got a killer headache from sleeping on the sofa without a pillow, remember?"

"Mmmh." Olli did, but he had not expected Aleksi to keep books about his physical troubles. "I mean. Thanks."

He sat up, his neck feeling no more stiff than it already had been from hours of sitting in a moving vehicle.

"Feeling alright?"

Physically, Olli may have been, but Aleksi's shoulder was pressed against his and his nose inches away from Olli's face and his poor heart skipping beats left and right at the sight of Aleksi's eyes up so close all of a sudden, so his honest answer to the question would be a matter of perspective entirely.

"Yeah, I'm good."

As good as I possibly could, after having dreamt about the warmth of your skin under my fingertips and lips, only to wake up to find your fingertips on me instead and your mouth but a spur of the moment away from mine.

"Wanna keep me company a little while? I'm not tired at all yet."

There's no force in the world that could rip me from next to you right now.

"I know I should try at least, so I'd maybe be a little less jetlagged tomorrow, but..."

And deprive me of the chance to see you adorably sleepy again, resting your chin on my shoulder and pulling me to your bunk for an early afternoon nap? No chance in hell.

"Sure," he heard himself say anyway, because of course he would.

"It's good to be back in the States again, isn't it?"

"It is," Olli just nodded, letting Aleksi do most of the speaking.

"Lots of great memories, eh?"

Tons, actually, most of them somehow related to you.

"Uh-huh."

"I mean, sometimes it's rough, of course, but it's all worth it, in the end?"

"Wouldn't change a day," Olli said, although it was only half the truth; he'd never give up the thrill of playing at new locations to rooms full of people who were about to have experience the best show of their lives, but he could've lived without the sleepless nights he had spent thinking back to Aleksi's smile over his Mountain Dew or how he could swear Aleksi had stopped to stare at Olli's mouth a little too many times to not make Olli think.

(Thinking was the worst.)

"Yeah, me neither," Aleksi agreed. His eyes did it again: glancing at Olli's lips once, twice, perhaps a third time if Olli hadn't averted his own gaze.

The silence that then followed had Olli both hoping and fearing Aleksi would mercilessly cut their late-night talk short and suggest they go to bed after all, but he was soon to find out it was in vain.

"Except for maybe that day Porko pissed himself. The bus reeked for days afterwards, eugh."

It was a small miracle no one in the bunk section began to grunt in displeasure when Olli snorted loudly at Aleksi's anecdote that hit Olli like a lightning out of the blue West Coast sky and bended him over in giggles, bonking his head on Aleksi's shoulder where it rested as his shoulders shook and his chest vibrated with laughter. He felt Aleksi's hand on his back, just staying there for some unknown purpose, but Olli was too tired and too giggly to preoccupy himself with it.

Perhaps he should have, because when he lifted his head, there was no escape: Aleksi's hand was now in the back of his neck, and Olli's nose touching the side of Aleksi's. His lungs forgot how to breathe, because his brain was no longer giving orders to the rest of his body, except for his eyes that kept travelling between Aleksi's eyes and his red, parted lips.

Their lips touched, but it wasn't quite a kiss yet; however, it was enough for Olli to understand having Aleksi's lips wrapped around his erection once upon a wild night was merely a foretaste, an omen of something that would turn his entire world upside down, or at least that's what happened to all his internal organs when their mouths finally melted against each other and Olli melted in Aleksi's gentle embrace. Their first kiss was a tender one, shy even, so light that it was barely even there, and Olli kept holding his breath in fear of scaring it away if he did something has reckless as using the bodily functions that kept him alive. The next one was a little more experimental, a shade more daring, with Aleksi's bottom lip captured by Olli. That was when Olli noticed Aleksi was probably as frightened as he was, sucking in a trembling breath when Olli let go of him.

Olli brought his hand to the side of Aleksi's neck. He felt the man's pulse under his palm, pounding as vigorously as Olli's own.

"Aleksi..." he begun, without the faintest idea of what he even wanted to say. That seemed to be just enough, however, to make Aleksi sigh before pulling Olli back in, bringing their mouth against one another, tasting him, taking him.

Olli had had Aleksi touching him in almost every way he could imagine, but he had a feeling this one might just become his favourite.

[mentallyshattered]

This is part 14 of the "What if Yuu didn't want to go back?" Series!

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

"A nightmare? Both of them? I've heard of familiars having similar dreams, given how common it is, but it's generally accepted that having a familiar is a nightmare deterrent." Vil pauses, his face pensive. "Generally, though, having a familiar means you won't have any nightmare you can't be woken from. And you're sure it was a bad dream?"

"Positive. He kept begging some unknown figure for help; it was something like 'please, make this stop' over and over again, quietly."

"Hmm. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I'll see what I can do."

"You know, Roi de Poison, I have seen Monseur Smoke go and punch trees quite often, until he bleeds. Every time, his attacks last one half-hour, if uninterrupted."

"That does sound like it could be related." Vil turns his head towards me and Grim rather suddenly, as though he forgot we were there. "Yuu, Grim, go and eat. You need the energy, and you've already done enough here. Make sure to drink some water; you two haven't been drinking enough."

Grim and I follow Vil's instruction and leave. Breakfast is avocado toast, which I'm pretty sure is our housewarden's way of making sure everybody eats a decent amout of something green instead of living on fish like the whole dorm seems to try.

While the ice water is nice, I can't bring myself to enjoy it. What of my friends? What of Ace and Deuce, with their tyrant housewarden? What of Korrak and Mandible, with their unknown nightmares?

"H-Hey, Yuu."

"Hi, Korrak! What's up?" Looking into his smokey grey eyes, I can understand why Rook calls him 'Monseur Smoke.'

"Not much, but I'm p-p-pretty sure we have t-t-t-t-to join a club. What club are you joining?"

"Myeh? We have to join a club?"

"Yeah, by the end of the week," Mandible adds, "have you seen the options?"

"Uhh, nope." Grim and I speak in unison this time.

"Well, w-w-we can all g-go and look at the opt-t-t-tions lat-t-t- Mandible, you know what I was g-g-going t-t-t-"

"Sure do. Anyway, do you two wanna go to the courtyard later today and look at the options?"

"Sure! Sounds fun."

Korrak looks relived. "Thanks, bud. You've always b-b-been there f-for me." Korrak turns to Grim and I. "Th-th-the speech issue is w-w-w-worse when I haven't eat-t-t-en."

Grim and I nod. "Isn't everything?"

"Fair point." Mandible seems to share Grim's sentiment. I hand Korrak a piece of toast, and he starts adding butter and avocado almost immediately.

When Grim and I get to class, we discover a well-rested Ace with no collar on.

"Yeah, housewarden Riddle must've had a change of heart or something. He's stopped enforcing most of the rules, and now Ace's punishment for stealing is helping Trey bake the tarts for the party. We still can't play croquet after 5:00pm, though."

I smile. Grim and I were right. Riddle did just need a hug and some time to himself.

The rest of class goes by without incident. It would be boring if I weren't learning the history of an entirely new world, but, hey, I'm in luck!

Alchemy sees me successfully using magic to catch a glass jar that got knocked off of a shelf. It "certainly would've shattered" on the stone floor if not for my "catlike reflexes-" or so Crewel says, anyway.

To be honest, I didn't even realize I knew a spell that could save that jar. I just panicked and attempted one I've read about. Good for me!

P.E. sucks, as usual. Ace stays conscious, though! Not without a bad sunburn that got him sent to the nurse anyway, but baby steps.

Lunch is tomato soup, which is the first time the main dish of a Pomefiore meal does not and cannot include fish. Even this morning, there were pieces of salmon for the avocado toast.

"So, Epel, w-what club are you in?"

"Spelldrive. Cain't wait fer practice t' start up, lemme tell ya! Hopefully I'll git bigger an' stop lookin' so-"

"Epel, Vil's in the room." Epel, despite having just been interrupted by four people, one of whom is a cat and another of whom is an opossum, does not delay his speaking. That's gotten pretty normal, after all.

"Whoop, sorry. Thanks, y'all. 'Nyway, I'd jus' like t' be a little less girly, y'know?"

"I g-get that. I got mist-t-t-aken for a girl all the t-t-t-"

"Take another bite of your soup, Korrak."

"Thanks, Mandible." He obeys. "Anyway, people u-used t-t-to think I was a girl all the t-t-time. They'd p-pick on me 'cause of that- you should've seen th-the looks on their faces when I beat the shit out of them."

Korrak laughs. I recall what I heard Rook say about Korrak punching trees until he bleeds, and spilling no blood for half an hour every time. Guess that's just what he's like.

Korrak doesn't strike me as a violent person so much as the retalliative sort. Why would he be violent? He doesn't start fights, he doesn't bully people, and he doesn't tolerate bullshit.

"It was always real f-funny, watching them s-s-suff-"

"Korrak." Our housewarden now stands tall behind the Korrak's confident figure.

"Uh, when I beat the bully out o-of them."

"Perfect." With that, Vil walks off. I wonder, why did it take him so long to react? Then again, this room is full of teens. Epel can't be the only potty mouth.

Korrak watches Vil go and shrugs. "That's life, I s-suppose." His stutter has noticeably improved since eating more of his soup, but is still present.

"Do you fight often, Korrak?"

"Only when I g-gotta. Kids back a-at my elementary school called me th-the gas st-t-t-ation, cuz I w-was nice t-t-to have around unt-il there were s-sparks."

Yeah, that makes sense. It's a little hard to imagine people pissing him off at all, but especially recalling the tree-punching thing. After all, Korrak stands tall and confident, with square shoulders and a smirk that suggests anyone who goes looking for trouble with him will find more of it than they bargained for. There's a spark in his eyes, like the sun peaking out from smoke, that makes it obvious: you fuck with Korrak, you've fucked up.

He's not shy, that's my point. He is kinda cute though, what with the hair- ashy purple and super fluffy. Combine that with his beautiful eyes and some teenage jealousy, and you've probably got at least one kid challenging him to make sure he stays away from their lover.

"Myah, we have class!"

Everybody's eyes widen. Evidently, the whole room forgot we aren't eating dinner.

Then, from various voices accross the room: "run!"

Luckily, Grim and I make it to class on time. Biology class is about morays today- specifically, the differences between cold sea morays and warm sea morays.

According to Trein, there's a trench that separates the sea. Morays who lay eggs on the south side lay two connected egg sacks. One side only has babies with magical left eyes, and the other only has babies with magical right eyes. The babies in each side fight until only one is left, and the survivors are twins.

Warm sea morays have nothing of the sort. Eggs can't be carried over the trench because the temperature change kills them, and keeping them on the side they weren't laid on requires keeping them at the temperature of the other side.

Cold sea morays can lay warm sea eggs, and vice versa. It's all location, and it's all very facinating. But, alas, class cannot go on forever.

MacGyvering shows us using drills as motors for fans, boats, and a variety of other things. Not really, though- we're making blueprints. Reasonable enough, if you ask me.

Finally, class is over. I hold Grim and carry him to the courtyard so he can sleep on the way. Korrak and Mandible are already waiting.

They wave. I wave back. Korrak motions to me to stand over by him, and I follow his lead. Beside him is a big list of all the clubs, pinned to the wall.

"I was thinking of joining the track and field club, but I'm not really sure. What do you think?"

"Well... what kind of stuff do you like?"

"The science club sounds fascinating. I've always liked all of it, anyway, but..."

"But what?"

"Well, I want to be more physical."

"You don't have to be in a club to use the gymnasium, Korrak."

"Yeah, great point. Science Club it is!" With that, he starts filling out an application that apparently just needed a few more fields to be filled in.

"Myeh?.. what time is... oh, I took a nap." Grim yawns, putting his, frankly, adorable little teeth on display. "What club are we joining?"

"I don't know yet. That's why we're here, Grim."

Grim hops onto the ground, does the iconic kitty stretch, and hops onto the bench. Before I can wonder why, he jumps onto Korrak's shoulder- the one that doesn't have Mandible on it- and onto my shoulder from there.

"You can just ask me to pick you up, Grim."

"Where's the fun in that?"

I sigh and roll my eyes. What clubs are there? Board Games, Mountain Lovers, Gargoyle Studies... out of those, Board Games seem like the best option.

"Where are the applications?" Korrak hands me one.

"Hey, you didn't even tell me what club you picked! We're both going, so we both need to approve!"

"I picked the board games club, Grim."

"Ooh. Sounds fun, I'm in!"

I grin. "We sure are!"

[needleworm]

i don't know josh please tell me about him. if u want

ough i would love to. this is going to end up so much fucking text because i don't know how to be concise so courtesy readmore also the linebreaks might make no sense but it's better than a massive chunk of text which is what it was initially before i realized that is Awful

ok so josh(ua majkavić) is my character for my friends and i's monster of the week campaign The Body and like his entire character concept is being if damien thorn or rosemary's baby or any other human-raised demonspawn grew up to become a guy who sucks. he grew up around the appalachian part of georgia but has been living in the general area of chicago with his ineffectual nerd roommates for most of his adulthood now

he's pretty majorly depressive/somewhat of a doomer, terminally insincere, and is generally predisposed to cruelty, but he's a pretty funny guy mostly intentionally. in all reality he cares quite hard and usually does not actually mean to be awful but it is literally his nature it makes him feel kind of bad sometimes but he also genuinely has to throw up if anyone cries around him. he also did beat a kid on an opposing roller hockey team to death when he was like 15 and made blood and dead fish rain on his town for about 12 hours don't worry about it.

he doesn't really leave his room if he can help it he has a really scary like prison gym setup in there and a carefully controlled climate both so he can keep as covered up as possible all the time and so his intricate crypto rig(/only source of income because he doesn't want to be a line cook again) doesn't catch on fire

has tyler durden-esque god-daddy issues despite having no father involved in his creation and is a COLOSSAL momma's boy to the point of getting about as close to being a misandrist as a cis bi man can get. speaking of which his mom (rosemary<3 aren't i clever) is a slightly hippieish cultist who had him as part of a ritual so he can bring about the radical change her group wants and bring about the end times but she also loves her baby (29 year old son) so so so so so so so much. he knows that most kids didn't have animal sacrifices at their birthday parties but he doesn't feel like having that conversation with anybody!

ok anyway ummmmmm let's see. he is the kind of guy that shaves his head in response to any occasion of major stress. starting as a young teenager one of his favorite hobbies was writing gruesome chainmail stories and he stopped in his early 20s but he thinks about going back to it sometimes. he was hooking up semi-regularly with their now-dead roommate and that is going to be a bigger deal than he ever expected it to be. his favorite movie is martyrs and his favorite game is cs:go which he is VASTLY toxic in. he's 5'10" and gets insecure about it sometimes. while he is quite good with computers he is still the least tech-inclined of his household and he recently clicked on a sketchy link his sister's hacked account sent him once and his roommates have lost all faith in his internet safety knowledge and he is suffering the consequences more in that way than he is in actual damage to his pc. he has a really bad tattoo somewhere but i haven't decided where or what yet a tribal tattoo is tempting but almost feels too obvious for a former linecook

he is very fun i think i do a bad job at describing him in a way that doesn't sound intolerable to play with i promise everyone loves josh. i still have not finished art of him at any point but the best i have to offer is this. jotch at 29 at the time of the campaign, around 15-16, and at his ninthish birthday with his mom:D

[wandering-spaghetti]

Cheap Adventures & Elusive Prey

Picture it, 2016, a couple of poor young people move in together just starting out our independent, grown up (or so we thought) lives and a fish we didn't know existed.

We were both working blue collar jobs and not making a lot, but also putting a teenager (my cousin) through school, including JROTC and FFA . Money was tight and we didn't have a lot extra to go out and do your typical fun things like movies or eating out. What we ended up doing in most of our free time was riding dirt roads on our way home from work. Ths evolved into stopping at every creek along the way to see if we could catch fish. You wouldn't catch us without fishing poles in the vehicle that summer!

And there we discovered one of our favorite things to do. Even now, eight years later and a lot better off you can still catch us creek fishing multiple times a year, especially in the summer. Fishing was fairly cheap for us to do and it was always so much fun because you never knew what you would catch. And finding new fishing spots was a challenge when we had the extra gas to ride around.

Several weeks into our fishing adventures I was talking to a coworker about some of our fishing experiences and he asked me if we had caught any Redfin Pike. I had never heard of such a fish so I was intrigued and asked him what it was and why they were special. According to him, Redfin Pike is a special kind of creek fish that is really hard to catch. They are elusive and don't bite just anything that drops into the water, they are also big fighters when you hook them despite being a small fish. They only get about 12 inches long. According to my coworker and other old timers I have spoken to apparently they are quite good to eat, talked about as a "chicken of the creek". He talked about them like they were almost a mythical fish. A unicorn, so to speak.

Part of what makes them hard to find is that they only thrive in running water, so many of the streams and creeks they used to flourish in have dried up or have been redirected to the point that they don't flow enough to be a suitable habitat for Redfin Pike.

My coworker also told me that they were bloodthirsty fish and that to catch them you would want to use a lure or other bait with red on it to resemble an open wound.

That was all it took, we were on a mission. A mission to find a unicorn. I mean, a Redfin Pike.

Armed with our favorite fishing gear and some new things we splurged on for this special fish, we headed out to some of our favorite spots. It took us a few weeks but eventually we did find a good fishing hole that was, if not teeming, then definitly well stocked with Redfn Pike.

What surprised us though is that we did not catch the first ones off anything red as we had been hearing that Pike loved. We caught the first ones on a blue crappie grub while we were trying to catch Warmouths at a creek that ran through a friend's property. We were so surprised that it took us a minute to realize that we had finally caught a Redfin Pike!

They were everything we had been told and so much fun to catch. We went to that same fishing spot several days later and were able to catch a few more on a lure that is a favorite of my husband's, he has caught everything from Largemouth Bass to tiny Breem, and yes, Redfin Pike.

Picture below of my husband, so proud of catching a fish we had spent weeks trying to find, and our biggest catch to date.

To this day we haven't eaten one of these so I can't speak for the taste but they are every bit as fun to catch as they are reputed to be. If you ever have the opportunity to fish in a creek in Georgia, be sure to keep an eye out for our elusive friend the Redfin Pike.

If you liked this post please visit my blog. The clicks really do help my self esteem :)

[hanabeeri]

i have a lot on my mind. well it isn't a lot it's just two thoughts that are spiraling TT

I. i don't like the way my sisters husband (and she herself too) restrict my nieces usage of media and the internet in general. the day before yesterday she asked me whether i could give her extra lessons in english because she failed her exam and needs to pass in order to be able to attend the next grade. and i wholeheartedly believe that she wouldn't have failed her exam if her parents would have allowed her to browse the web where she be confronted with english pretty much everywhere. or even play games! my other niece and nephew learned english by playing minecraft! i personally learned english by watching pewdiepie and scrolling through tumblr. besides we're not living in the 90s anymore where the internet was just a nice thing to have, we are living in the 20s of the 21st century and people rely on the internet a lot more and incorporate it more into daily activities! how do they think she will manage in the future? she once came to me because she didn't even have a clue on how to make a powerpoint. i mean yeah at her age i didn't know how to make complex and pretty looking ones either, but most could do a simple one: black text on white slides, consisting of either way too many bullet notes or walls of text. it's so frustrating. also i gave her my phone number and told her to please read the books that i gave her and if she needed any help to ask me. and she still didn't text me. girl, i know you are struggling i tested you two days ago and skfkskdksks anyways. i hope she will pass despite her parents being too restrictive. i'm pretty sure my niece in 2nd grade knows more on how to navigate media.

II. recently i was talking about bl and gl anime and manga with my friend from university, but i was so tired that day that i couldn't properly explain myself. and since i had a small breakdown over it at breakfast earlier i will try to explain myself now. it's not that i don't like to watch anime or read manga (i wish there would be a word like kana, hiragana&katakana but for anime&manga) that have bl/gl couples inside, it's just that i don't like it when shows are reduced to just that when they have a complex story or at best an entertaining one. i also don't like joining fandoms anymore for the very same reason, because everywhere you go there are only ships, and while it's fun to indulge yourself sometimes i'm not that big of a fan of it anymore; i used to be but nowadays i prefer to watch the series and discuss the lore or characters. another reason why i don't like to watch bl/gl anime is because more than not it's bl, and even more often than not they aren't even canon, which usually leads to the creation of a fandom that solely builds its likes and dislikes on fetishes. sometimes it's not even the fandom per se, sometimes it's the mentality of so many people that see two guys hugging each other and immediately stamping them off as gay. people however do not do the same to girls. this just shows how messed up some beliefs still are. i would like to enjoy series without being shoved pornographic art or written work in my face that scream 'i don't care about the series i'm a porn addict that found a bl ship and will not use it to let my mind go wild', good for u, but i personally don't want to engage with that. at least make it worthwhile and have an interesting plot. when im watching or reading a shounen or seinen im there for the series, not the ships, it's just so tiring for me. if there is some bl romance involved (eg banana fish) i don't mind, i like it, too. but again, more often than not those series get reduced to traumatic romances and people forget the rest. (i will continue later i have to catch my bus)

i'm back. anyways. continuing. not every series will obviously be about romance which is why it's of course not necessary that relationships are explicitly made canon. i'm fine with that, but i don't like bait. and yes i do think of many things as bait. i don't care if japan has a different society and culture because YoI was still published and the relationship between yuri and viktor has been so wonderfully displayed and showed even without direct kisses or proclamations of love. i'm just not the biggest fan when a series has a male cast only and fans reduce it to: yeah they're all gay. all of them. they fuck and friendships suddenly aren't a thing anymore. i'm the embodiment of yes i'm gay yes i'm homophobic. that's that. during the discussion with my friend i brought up LOTR because i had no clue that people even shipped sam/frodo or aragorn/legolas until i dipped my toe in the fandom. and then i ran. aragorn has the most gorgeous wife so, no. and sam and frodo wouldn't have been shipped as much if they were female. let's be honest, people ship them because they are male. even in fetishes women or female presenting people are not welcome. i'm not crying about it btw i'm glad gl isn't fetishized to the point where it's uncomfortable, it's usually very childish sjfksksks. i'm simply putting it in perspective. and that's where i will draw the line, and my conclusion is: i will watch the great pretender but i doubt i will see anything more than two guys that are close.

do not mind the text below because i came back to finish my thoughts. my train is late and i don't want to wait until the next class starts so i'm just going home, i'll revise the material on my own sifksksksk

ok nevermind im tired of this discussion with myself maybe i'm just a hater. just kidding i'm simply not in the mood to write out my thoughts anymore. here are the vibes do what u want with them. i was bothered but i found my inner peace again and now i'm unbothered again.

[palialaina]

....it's so nice to know that I am not the only one who does a thing in panic mode.

Though I suppose, being fair, Reth brought this one on himself.

Berryyyyy......

I did... a thing. And now I don't know what to do with myself. You know Reth and I have been talking a lot lately, and the other day I told you I thought he was cute. But I'm really not the kinda person to do things on impulse. I'm the take my time and think about things sorta person. And he's only just started telling me what's really up with him, and more than anything I just wanted to be a friend that he can trust.

.....but as he was kinda joking around he told me I could flirt with him or give him a heartdrop lily if I wanted to. And so I said okay and then...did. It's not that I didn't mean it, because I did, but I think I was taken aback at myself just as much as he was, but he asked if I was really sure and then said he was gonna take the gift before I changed my mind. And then we both got awkward and said we had to get to work and ran off. I.... don't know what to do with myself now??

Anyway, if Reth comes looking, I'm not here. I'm hiding in a hole somewhere.

Help.

-Lark

I honestly can't say if this is better or worse than what happened with me and Jel. But it makes me feel a little better? (Though I suppose Reth being far more forward than Jel made it easier to shove something at him immediately.)

I tabled my dinner party idea (for the moment, we're gonna try and all four of us get together next week. Squee!), brought macarons and other new cooking recipes over for Lark, and we spent a few hours going back and forth about which one of us is more awkward. And we're kind of decided we're siblings, or maybe we were in the place we were before.

I like that. Having them as a sibling.

But that was definitely a fun letter to get. At least we can both agree that we have very terrible ways of starting relationships...

Less dramatic news, my entire house smells of fish, and I am entirely blaming that on the trout dinner. It's so hard! And catching rainbow trout takes forever... but it is kind of nice to just sit and catch fish. I think I understand a little more why Einar likes it. But I still think I prefer my garden.

Oooohhh.... I wonder if I can use all the fish I don't want as worm food?

I may have to try that. I was catching a lot of dace between my two rainbow trout.

Fortunately, I have mostly covered up the scent with blueberry pie. I used up all my blueberries, but you know what? Totally worth it. Mmmmm~ I absolutely remembered this recipe without any help at all. Maybe I was some sort of baker in the other life? Reth's soups and the other dishes confuse me, but sweet like the macarons or the blueberry pie aren't so bad!

I have one more room to add to my house after the living room's done, but making it is a little tricky. I don't need a full sized room for a second bathroom (I'm shy about people walking through my room! It's silly, but... that's more my space than the rest of the house, I guess...) so maybe just a hallway sized spot with no windows will be okay? Or maybe two, and it's just a really long bathroom?

I'll have to think on it. But I swear, every time I earn some money up, this house eats it. I will be glad when it's done, I have so many other things I want/need to buy.

....no, brain, we don't need to make a guest room for Lark to sleep over in. And no power in the world could convince Jel to stay the night, no matter how much I'd like that.

I had the whole table laid out earlier, before Lark's letter arrived. It's a shame it'll all have to wait, but oh well. I can make it again next week. If they show up.

I hope they do. I really want to have a tiny dinner party with the people I like best. Both romantically and not.

[talesofedo]

Because he obviously lives in my head rent-free this year, here is a compilation of Okada Izo headcanons I've come up with, mostly while I was supposed to be doing other things (like work).

Just to clarify, these are about the historical Okada Izo, and not based on novel, manga, movie, or TV series canon, although all of those are great interpretations of the historical person in their own way. My headcanons are not historical fact and shouldn't be taken as such, although I suppose there is always a chance some could be accurate.

If you're interested in the actual Okada Izo, I've previously made a "today I learned" post about him, which you can find here.

...

+ As a young child (before the age of 10), Izo was best described as kind and helpful at home, in the neighborhood, and at school (once he started attending), but especially with his little brother, Keikichi, who was 6 years younger. However, nobody would have described him as gentle. Even with the best intentions, little Izo occasionally showed all the gentleness of a wild boar.

+ Even when he was a child, Izo's hair was difficult to manage. It was thick and wavy (though not quite as bad as Ryoma's) and always looked a bit messy, even when properly put together using hair oil or wax. There were many periods in Izo's adult life when he wouldn't (or couldn't) spend money on buying hair oil/wax or having his hair done at the bath house.

+ When Izo was 8 years old, his mother started teaching him how to play Go, which she had learned from her father. Like his mother, Izo excelled at the game because he understood the strategy aspect of the game, but also because he remembered past games and worked hard to avoid repeating mistakes. Unfortunately, because so many of his peers thought of him as stupid, he was rarely given a chance to play. Had Takechi Hanpeita ever challenged him to a game of Go, Izo would have easily beaten him. One person who did ask him to play on occasion was Katsu Kaishu. Izo had about a 50/50 chance of winning against him.

+ When Izo's family moved from Iwamura village to Enokuchi village, he was 10 years old [historical fact] and not looking forward to starting at a new school because he understood that his reading and writing wasn't at the same level as other students'. (My theory about Izo's reading and writing can be found in this previous post.) He was worried about getting bullied and, as a result, came across as shy and standoffish at first.

+ Even though he was bullied for his reading and writing by the teacher and at times by his classmates, the other boys still wanted to be his friends: he was a fast runner (for short distances especially), a great climber, and generally good at any physical activity. Izo was the boy you wanted in your group if you were going to catch fish in the river or play generals and definitely if you were going to get into a "sword" (stick) fight with another group.

+ Izo partially made up for his difficulty with reading and writing by having an excellent memory and being able to recall texts that had been read aloud and stories he'd heard. He had a particularly large repertoire of ghost stories to scare his friends and his little brother. He continued to have a very good memory well into adulthood, including for places, dates, and small details. Unfortunately, this meant that when he did confess to his crimes after torture, and gave evidence about his comrades in the Kinnoto, he was able to provide a lot of detailed information.

+ Izo had a small jagged scar on the right side of his chest, about halfway between his clavicle and his nipple, which he got at age 12 trying to free a friend's kite from a tree. He lost his footing about halfway up and fell, hitting several branches along the way, one of which broke off and stabbed through his skin. Although the wound wasn't very serious (the branch was stopped by a rib), his friends ran off in terror. He made fun of them for this later and they didn't live it down for a long time.

+ Izo was afraid of dogs after a pack of feral dogs attacked him outside of town when he was 14 and returning late in the day. Although he didn't get any serious bites, the dogs tore his hakama and scratched his legs. Luckily, a group of farmers who were passing nearby, were able to chase the dogs away.

+ Izo's favorite food was manju. He did not like any foods that had a strong smell, such as chives [historical fact].

+ The fencing hall was the first place outside his own home where Izo was ever praised by an adult, which caused him to work especially hard to feel worthy of getting praise. He enjoyed being acknowledged for being good at something, particularly because he was never praised at school, only admonished by the teacher for being "stupid".

+ After Takechi Hanpeita opened his own dojo in 1855 [historical fact], Izo spent significantly more time there than anywhere else, including his own home. This was partially due to the fact that Takechi-sensei praised him more than anyone else, but also partially due to the fact that Izo was now teaching younger students who looked up to him. He enjoyed being able to give encouragement to others while also getting it himself for his hard work. He also enjoyed being paid a (very) small amount of money for teaching. Izo had more of a sense of belonging and family here than he had experienced anywhere else before.

+ Even though Takechi's dojo was where Izo felt most at home, he had been aware for some time that Takechi-sensei often referred to him as "that idiot" when he was speaking to other people and that even sensei's wife, Tomie, called him Takechi's "stray puppy." However, because he could not help looking at Takechi-sensei through rose-colored glasses and felt indebted to him, Izo came to think of "idiot" as a term of endearment and never complained.

+ Izo's relationship with Takechi Hanpeita was complicated. According to historical descriptions, Takechi was intelligent, well-educated, well-spoken, charismatic, talented at swordsmanship, cultured, taller than average, and handsome. Izo respected him for all of his skill and knowledge, felt indebted to him for being given a chance to travel and further his swordsmanship, and was incredibly infatuated with Takechi (which he kept to himself).

+ Izo often found it difficult to articulate his thoughts and as a teenager became more quiet and introverted if the subject was anything "complicated", such as political discussion, or required individual thought and introspection. On the other hand, he was outgoing and excitable when talking about swordsmanship, telling stories, or recounting experiences he had (such as seeing an important person in town). Much of the time, the latter was unfortunately mistaken as "bragging" and earned him scoldings from adults and generally negative feedback from his peers.

+ Because he had been accused of "bragging" in the past and because he had spent so many years being called stupid by his teachers, Izo generally tried not drawing attention to himself outside the dojo. He found it embarassing when fellow Kinnoto members made fools of themselves with the entertainers at tea houses and would never willingly join in any dancing or singing in public. He also blushed very easily so there was no way to even hide his embarrassment.

+ Izo never thought of his swordsmanship as being out of the ordinary, but he was better than most, not just because of his continuous hard work but also because of his natural speed and talent. The fact that he only received his Menkyo Chuden (middle license) at Shigakukan was an enormous disappointment to him, especially because the master called his swordsmanship vulgar and without dignity in front of everyone. Even so, he continued to work hard at any of the other dojos where he was allowed to train, thanks to Takechi-sensei helping him have those opportunities.

+ Izo often felt abandoned when Takechi-sensei would leave him behind at one sword school or another to finish his training while he (Takechi) moved on to build his contacts with shishi from across the area in his pursuit of Sonno Joi. Although Izo never complained, and on some level understood being able to continue his studies was doing him a favor, he felt hurt anytime sensei left him behind.

+ When Izo felt nervous or anxious, he often chewed his fingernails.

+ Physical appearance: As an adult, Izo was of average height at 165cm (5'5") and of slightly smaller than average build. He was a little shorter than his teacher Takechi Hanpeita, and quite a bit taller than Katsu Kaishu (who was unusually short). He had a darker skin tone and freckles / spots / sun damage from being outside a lot. He was also described as having crooked teeth [historical fact].

+ The very first person Izo ever killed was Inoue Saichiro, whom he strangled with a tenugui. If he hadn't been with a group of three others from the Kinnoto who were there to help, in addition to having been slightly drunk on the sake their group had during dinner, Izo probably would not have gone through with the murder. As it was, once their group had thrown Inoue's body into the river, Izo threw up and then didn't sleep the following three nights.

+ Izo told himself he would never assassinate anyone again, that this murder was an exception to keep Takechi-sensei safe from being prosecuted, but being so indebted to sensei for all the years of being able to travel and learn swordsmanship, he couldn't say no the next time he was asked. He felt that it would have made him ungrateful and disloyal to someone who'd done so much for him.

+ Izo first started drinking a few days after Inoue's murder because one of his comrades suggested it would help him sleep if he had a few cups of sake before going to bed. However, it didn't take long for him to start drinking regularly. This gave him a reputation for really enjoying women and booze (as much of his drinking was done in the entertainment district) and caused many problems with his comrades because he started borrowing money to cover his bills. If Takechi noticed Izo's drinking, he never brought it up.

+ The only person Izo ever hated was Tanaka Shinbei of Satsuma, a fellow hitokiri who had previously killed Shimada Sakon. Shinbei was introduced to Takechi in August 1862 and became Takechi's sworn brother that same month [historical fact]. Izo was jealous that this random person from Satsuma had immediately made a place for himself by Takechi-sensei's side. When Izo found out that Shinbei had been arrested and subsequently killed himself on 11 July 1863 [historical fact], his only reaction was, "Good."

+ Izo had a fairly long (about 3.5 inches) scar going across his left forearm where he was cut during the assassination of Honma Seiichiro. A group of the Kinnoto had cornered Honma, but as an experienced swordsman their would-be victim put up a desperate fight. In the course of this, Izo was pushed back into a building and the tip of his blade caught on the cross-beam of the overhanging roof, allowing Honma to cut him while he was defenseless. The only reason Izo was not more badly injured was that one of his comrades had managed to stab Honma in the side at almost the same instant he brought down his sword - otherwise, Izo might have lost his arm. He later often wondered whether that might have been for the better.

+ Izo left Kyoto and went to Edo in 1863 because Takechi-sensei had left for Tosa once again. Without sensei in Kyoto, Izo's position among the Kinnoto was on shaky ground and he felt unwelcome: people who had harbored negative feelings about him as a person and about his murders on Takechi's orders were no longer afraid to voice their opinions once Takechi was not there to protect him.

+ Izo's time as Katsu Kaishu's bodyguard may have been the happiest part of his adulthood because Katsu-sensei never treated him any differently than his disciples, never talked down to him, and never called him stupid or an idiot. In fact, sensei went out of his way to explain things and include Izo in conversations. It was the first time someone made an effort to do so without expecting anything in return or being patronizing. Izo stopped drinking almost entirely during his time with Katsu Kaishu.

+ If Izo had to choose between fight or flight, he would have always chosen flight if he was alone and fight if he was with someone else, especially someone he was protecting. If he chose to fight, Izo's adrenaline would be so high that he later could not remember any details, and while he would try to play it off and make light of it, it would take a long time to calm himself after. Because the adrenaline rush made Izo overly excited and giggly, something he couldn't control, the behavior was often mistaken as "enjoying killing."

+ Izo left his position as Katsu Kaishu's bodyguard because of a misunderstanding following one such adrenaline rush: after saving sensei's life when the two of them were attacked late at night, Izo was smiling and Katsu admonished him: "You should not enjoy killing people." Having expected praise for a job well done, and being caught entirely off guard, Izo could only offer: "If I hadn't been there, sensei's head would be rolling in the street." When Katsu-sensei did not respond, Izo's mind was left to fill in the blanks. In the end, he somehow convinced himself that he did not deserve good things to happen to him, and that he needed to leave before he caused bad things to happen to Katsu-sensei. He never knew that Katsu Kaishu regretted not having apologized and prevented him from leaving [historical fact].

+ After Izo left Katsu Kaishu, his life spiraled downhill. Unsure what to do next, he returned to Kyoto where he realized he couldn't actually go to Tosa's residence in the city because he was considered a deserter from his domain.

+ Learning that Takechi-sensei had been arrested in Tosa in September 1863 left him even more despondent. The money he still had (some remaining pay from Katsu Kaishu and some money he had borrowed from Takasugi Shinsaku) did not go all that far for lodging and everyday costs and it wasn't long before Izo found himself on the street, worrying not only about his next meal but also his increasing need for alcohol because he had again started drinking heavily. Eventually, he sold the blade of his long sword, the more valuable of the two, to tide himself over. Even so, there were days he only ate by stealing stale food offerings at shrines or graveyards.

+ Around the end of winter (early February 1864), Izo started living in an abandoned home, a former merchant's residence that had been sealed off by the Kyoto magistracy because the family and their two servants had been killed by thieves. At least here he was able to sleep next to a brazier to stay warm, and selling some of the smaller items left behind in the home gave him a little income to cover food and drink. However, he was caught by the magistrate and charged with burglary after neighbors reported someone suspicious had been going in and out through a loose fence board.

+ Izo's time in the Kyoto jail was absolutely miserable. He wasn't beaten during questioning because he readily admitted to living in the abandoned house and selling items found there, but he spent the entire first week experiencing severe alcohol withdrawal.

+ After two weeks in the jail, due to its current back-log of cases, Izo received his punishment for burglary: 100 strikes and being tattooed as a criminal. After another five days, the period required to let the tattoo heal, he was brought to the edge of town to be banished, where a metsuke from Tosa waited for him to take him into custody and return him to Tosa.

+ Back in Tosa, Izo held out against severe torture for nearly 10 months, refusing to give any information about Takechi and the Kinnoto because he still felt indebted to sensei for all the years of support and giving him ability to travel to further his swordsmanship. However, he readily offered information about his own crimes committed in Kyoto, which he claimed were his own doing and not ordered by anyone else.

+ When Izo found out that Takechi had approached his brother and father asking for their help to poison Izo so he wouldn't give up any information, his world crumbled. For the first time in his life, he had to confront the fact that Takechi, to whom he felt so indebted, had only used him and thought nothing more of him than as disposable tool for his own ends. Heartbroken and angry, Izo gave up any information he had about Takechi and the Kinnoto, and then withdrew into himself waiting for his execution day. He wouldn't even make any effort to eat when he was offered food, or respond if anyone spoke to him, but he would occasionally ask to speak or send a letter to Takechi-sensei [historical fact], some part of him still holding out hope that there was some kind of explanation sensei could give him.

[izzy-b-hands]

Pirate Party Part Two

Party pirates, partying in a piratey way on a pirate ship! Sugar! So much sugar it's not historically accurate! But why take that joy from these fictional children?

TW for emetophobia, underage smoking even tho I don't think they had those laws back then, but they do for this fic I guess lol

---

"Can I learn?" the little girl, maybe seven years old, with her blonde hair falling in her eyes, looked up to Jim.

"How to throw knives?"

The girl nodded. "It's really cool how you do that."

"Thanks," Jim smiled. "Well...okay, you can't tell your parents though. No throwing knives in front of them."

They knelt down and handed the girl a knife, only for Oluwande to snag it instead.

"Jim!"

"She wants to learn!"

"She's a child!"

"I know!"

"This is a fucking knife!"

"I know that too!"

The girl let out a whimper, and they both broke into apologies.

"I'm sorry," Oluwande said. "Jim just keeps their knives really sharp, and I didn't want you to get hurt."

The girl nodded thoughtfully. "Could I learn with less sharp ones?"

"Actually, then if you get cut it's gonna hurt way worse," Jim said.

Oluwande gave them a look.

"It's true!"

"Can I learn how to fish?" The girl asked.

They both let out relieved sighs.

"Absolutely," Oluwande said. "Wait until you see all the weird fish there are..."

From the corner, Izzy listened until they were too far away to hear. This, to him, was maximum, peak, bullshit. There were so many children, and they were everywhere all at once, and sticky! They hadn't even been fed yet, and they were somehow already sticky. It was ridiculous!

Luckily there were a few older kids who had gotten his hints to keep the kids away from him, and they all redirected any of the younger ones if they so much as looked at him.

Except for one.

"Parties are stupid," the boy slouched by him against the wooden wall, and rolled his eyes. "Fucking kid shit."

Izzy bit back a smile. The boy was maybe sixteen, give or take a year or two. "Yeah, I hear ya. I'm not up for all this shit either."

"Like, who even has birthday parties anymore, that's so immature," the boy scoffed, and Izzy faked a cough to stop himself from bursting out laughing. "Like, be original, do something cool."

He was dying, the kid reminded him so much of himself and Ed at that age. It was horrible and funny, but also wild that the kid was clearly trying to impress him.

"What would you have done?" Izzy asked. "Pirate ship isn't cool enough?"

"Okay, so, the locale is actually cool," the kid replied. "But the activities are like...dancing to kid songs? And cake? And whatever that one guy with the seagull is doing?"

Izzy peered out and could just see Mr. Buttons doing what looked like a magic routine with a seagull for some of the kids.

"You don't wanna keep seagull guy?" Izzy joked.

The kid laughed. "Well. I guess he could stay."

Izzy nodded. "Mom made you come to watch a sibling?"

"How'd you know?"

"Just a guess," Izzy said. "You'd rather be doing stuff you think is fun."

"Yeah," the kid said. "Trenton, by the way."

"Izzy."

"Like, me and my friends, we like music and hanging out, and smoking stuff," Trenton said.

"Stuff?" Izzy asked.

"We can't get full smokes from anybody, so we all just cut off bits of our parent's and then glue them back together."

He nearly lost it then. It physically hurt not to laugh. Trenton was so earnest, so painfully wanting someone to think he was cool. The feeling took Izzy back into his own memories.

"Nice," he managed to choke out. "Say, why don't I go grab us each a cigar or a pipe or something?"

Trenton's eyes were dinner plates. "For real?"

Izzy shrugged. "I'm not your parent, and this is a party, right? Hell, I first smoked at thirteen, how old are you?"

"Almost fifteen," Trenton replied.

"You need to catch up then!" Izzy crowed. "I'll be right back with some, hang on."

As he went around the corner to the nearest stash of cigars, he ran into Lucius.

"You are not."

"He's at the age where he wants to be rebellious," Izzy sighed. "I had people help me do stupid shit as a kid, and looking back those were the adults I admired most!"

"I'm sorry your childhood was like that, because that sounds excessive and ultimately damaging," Lucius said sharply. "But you can't give him a cigar."

"He'll throw up and not want the rest anyway," Izzy protested. "That's what I did with my first cigar."

"Ew," Lucius grimaced.

"Yeah, me and Ed, one stolen cigar. Ran miles away from town to smoke it," Izzy continued fondly. "Taking a puff, then puking. Giving it to Ed for his turn, and he'd do the same, then give it back to me and-"

"Yeah, that's good, I get it," Lucius interrupted. "I just-"

"Look, I'm not trying to be creepy or a bad influence or whatever," Izzy cut him off. "Honestly, I know how it seems. He just seems miserable, and miserable kids act up. But maybe if he's happy, even if sick, he'll just fuck off and lay around for the rest of the party."

Lucius nodded. "I hate that that's a good point. I pulled a littler one off a rope and he bit me when I said he couldn't be up there."

"What is it with you and getting bit?"

"I don't know," Lucius muttered. "Anyway...fine. One cigar, but after that he goes to sit in his assigned chair and wait for lunch!"

"Thanks Mom," Izzy rolled his eyes and retrieved the cigar, ignoring the pain when Lucius slammed his hand with the metal lid of the stash box.

Back at the wall Trenton looked like he might pass out already just at the sight of the cigar.

"You said you've smoked before, right?" Izzy asked, knowing full well that had been a lie.

"Yeah, but maybe remind me?"

He smiled as he ran through instructions, and watched the kid light up.

"Take it easy, not so much at once," Izzy warned, finally plucking the cigar from his hand.

But Trenton was preoccupied coughing his lungs out, then hurling over the side of the ship to the delight of the nearby seagulls.

"What did you do?" Ed asked, exasperated. The baby on his hip whined at the cigar smoke in her eyes.

"Sorry," Izzy stubbed the cigar out quickly, waving away the smoke. "Sorry for that kiddo, you weren't meant to get any of that."

"Izzy," Ed said. "Seriously, is he okay?"

"First cigar puff, and he took a big one," Izzy laughed.

Ed's face relaxed. "Oh fuck, is that all? Poor thing, but we all do it."

"Part of growing up," Izzy agreed.

"Yeah, but you're too little for that yet," Ed said to the baby, booping her nose. "Not till you're a silly teenager, making bad decisions and having fun."

A knife suddenly went whizzing past them both, nearly nailing Izzy's head. The baby started to cry, and Ed handed her to Izzy as he rushed off shouting for Jim and Oluwande.

Izzy stared at the baby, who stared back at him, both in the way one might examine a particularly disgusting bug.

"So...what the fuck, huh?" Izzy asked her.

She looked around, babbled something lightly, then hiccuped. For a moment, she seemed content, and he thought maybe he didn't mind the little ones as much as he thought.

Then she gulped, hiccuped, and vomited all over his neck and chest, and he had to resist the urge to drop her and run to puke off the side of the ship himself.

[holidayvisa]

6 April 2024 - (continued 2 of 3)

Elise and I continued clockwise around Teapot, and there was a huge school of blue maomao following us. Elise said that I could shoot a big blue maomao. I dove down and aimed with my speargun, but there were so many fish, I had some indecision paralysis. I kept taking aim at different blue maomao, and then a bigger one would swim past. I kept doing the goldilocks thing and switching my aim, and eventually, I ran out of air before I'd taken a shot, so I swam back up to the surface.

Elise laughed and said that the entire school of blue maomao was behind me! They knew I was the predator, and there were HUNDREDS of fish that kept swimming just behind where I was looking. I breathed deeply for a while, and when I was ready, I dove back down. I picked a big blue maomao, and I took aim and pulled the trigger. I speared it! I swam back to the surface, and I killed it, and gilled and gutted it.

Elise held onto my blue maomao, so that if any sharks came by to investigate, they'd come towards her instead of me. We continued swimming clockwise around Teapot, and the school of blue maomao was so huge that we just kept swimming through the school. Maybe they were following us too. But the school was multiple hundreds of fish! Elise told me that if I see another big blue maomao, that I could shoot it. I dove down and found a big one, and speared it! After killing it, and gilling and gutting it, we bumped into Kieran. Kieran was following a kingfish, hoping to spear that. Elise swapped spearguns with me, so that I'd hold onto the two blue maomao, and she took the other speargun. She said she was going to help Kieran catch a kingfish; she'd catch a koheru and cut it up to use as burley (?berley?) to attract the kingfish. Elise disappeared for a couple minutes, looking for koheru. I heard her yell to Kieran, but Kieran didn't hear her. I assumed she'd seen his kingfish. Then, looking above the surface of the water, I saw Elise dive down, but she's too far away for me to see her underwater. She's underwater for a long while, maybe a whole minute. I thought to myself, "oh no, Elise, I hope you're not trying to shoot that kingfish yourself without a float-boat." And then, before I had time to do anything, I heard screams from underwater. I have a brief moment of panic, and the screams got louder, and then I saw Elise surface. She let out a loud laugh and happy wahoo's. She pulled up a snapper!

She'd speared a HUGE snapper! She killed it, but doesn't gill and gut it. We swam our fish back to the boat, and Elise weighed her snapper - 17 LBS! It was a monster snapper!

Kieran spent a long while following and hunting for his kingfish, but he didn't ever get it. Eventually, he came back to the boat, and we decided to head back to Motukawanui to eat some lunch. We drove the boats back to Motukawanui, but we anchored the boats on the opposite side of the island from where the hut is.

The girls cut up one of the fish and shared some sashimi with everyone. The sashimi was DELICIOUS. Elise and I decided to get back in the water and just do some fun swimming without spearguns. We swam around relatively shallow water (only 4 or 5 meters deep). I picked a bunch of kina (sea urchin) from the bottom, and I cracked them open and ate the raw kina meat as a snack. Elise and I swam around for a long time just looking at all the fish. Elise cracked open some kina underwater and fed the fish. They ate the kina out of her hands! Elise found a scorpion fish (a fish that has venomous spines) and several moray eels.

We looked around and saw that our friends had started swimming back to the boats. We didn't want to hold up our friends, so we swam back to the boats, too. When we got back, our friends offered us some sausages that they'd cooked up while we were swimming! I dove into the water a few times from the boat. We drove the boats all the way around Motukawanui Island back to the beach where the hut is. We took our gear off the boats and helped our friends take all their gear off the boats. Ryan and Kieran drove the boats out to anchor them for the night. (cont.)

[stories-from-peter]

Fishing for Fun and Profit

Weaver Lake is a beautiful spot not far from where I live. We do some wilderness camping there every year. One year when my son Graham was about 13 we went camping with my friend Kate and her 10 year old son, Ross. The boys were eager to do some fishing so we took a canoe and fishing gear with us to the lake.

When we arrived at the lake Kate took her dog for a walk. I saw two couples in their twenties camping near us. When they saw the boys with their fishing rods they offered to buy any fish the boys caught for $5 a fish. The boys got very excited about getting paid for having fun and insisted on going fishing the very next morning.

I offered to stay on the beach with the dog while the rest of the group took the canoe out. The dog and I sat on a rock and watched the group paddle off into the distance. I waited patiently on shore, hoping they would catch something before boredom set in. To my surprise it wasn't long before I saw some frantic hand waving in the canoe and then it turned and headed quickly back to shore.

When the canoe hit the beach I could see Ross had a good sized trout in his hand. I was a bit shocked when he put it back in the water because it looked like it was slowly starting to swim away. Ross grabbed it back and the two boys ran off up the hill toward our tent. Kate and I stayed behind to take the dog for a walk and pack up the paddles and fishing rods. As we strolled back up the hill Kate told me the boys didn't catch the fish. They found it floating on the lake and she wasn't sure why they would want to take it back to camp.

I told her about the cash for fish deal. Kate gave me an agonized look and said "They wouldn't, would they?". I replied “They’re boys. Of course they would.” As we got near the camp we could see the young couples were already digging into their lunch. What do you do in that situation? Tell them to go straight to a hospital or pretend there was nothing wrong with the fish. We took the easy way out.

The next morning we asked our neighbors how they liked yesterday's meal. They were quite happy with it and offered to buy more fish if the boys caught any. Lucky for us the two couples departed before we worked up the nerve to tell them the true history of their lunch.

[proof0fexistence]

"Everyone has their vices"

How to determine if you're going through a difficult time:

Stop all your medications against your therapist's advice, since the last one you tried made you want to kill yourself.

End your first relationship, during which you spent 80% of your free time with that person exclusively. Proceed to have limited close friendships.

Overbook your schedule with 3 jobs, 2 time-consuming clubs, difficult classes, and a new honor society that makes you feel shiny, but will take up so much of your time. Attempt to make new friendships, while never seeing your truly close friends, your roommates.

Spend 3-weeks in your hometown. This forces you to slow down, put a halt to the momentum. You may actually being to realize that you're struggling. You may actually reach out to loved ones, have meaningful conversations about the support you need, or at least reach an understanding about how you're not perfect, and, hey, maybe you don't need to be.

As soon as you consider getting back on medication, hop on a plane to Italy. You're going abroad for 8 weeks with people you don't know, in a place where you don't know the language, doing a project that you don't enjoy.

You don't stop being sad in Europe. I learned this the hard way. I am learning* this the hard way. Venice is mystical -- I continue to get lost in the narrow passageways and romantic bridges that divide the city into fractiles. And, it's not a home. I think even if I was happy, it feels offputting. There are no trees or grass in any real sense, and the resulting air quality has irritated my lungs. The canal water is murky, and often smells of sewage or fish. The people are, well, non-existent. That's not true. It was charmingly/eerily quiet prior to Carnival, which is when all hell broke loose. Those skinny walkways became bloated with people in puffer jackets and backpacks and masks. It would probably be fun in a lot of different circumstances. If, for example, I had ever intended on traveling here. But, of course, this location was not my choice. It never was. The place where I was supposed to go, deemed (rightfully) too unsafe to travel to by my university, was also not where I wanted to go, but at least I had prepared myself for it. I set the expectations, and I was disappointed by the change in plan. This all manifests itself as ungrateful, I'm aware of that. I am lucky to have this experience, and I have had a lot of laughs, and made good friends while here, but it still does not discount the sour emotions which have bubbled to the surface.

I won't bore you with the details, but I feel like I didn't know the extent to which I could hate myself before coming on this trip. I can't do anything right, according to myself. The self-hatred feeds the anxiety, which prevents me from doing what I want to do or say or act how I want, which feeds the depression. It's a positive feedback loop of negativity.

I tried to do a lot before telling my parents. I know that they would never be mad at me for being upset, they've dealt with troubled children before. But they worry about me, and I never really give them enough to show them not to worry about me, texts and phone calls are few and far between. But I hit a wall when I was traveling, we went to Bologna. Everything that could have gone wrong, did. I wasted money on train I didn't take, our plans kept falling through, I kissed a girl at the club which made the two guys I was with go strangely quiet on the ride home. I felt like my nerves were shot. We woke up that Sunday morning at 5:30 to catch a bus and then a train and then another bus (when they say it's easy to travel in Europe, they're lying) to the Ferrari Museum, which I honestly had no interest in going to. So, we boarded that bus, with the dredges of clubgoers returning home, and I just sobbed. I took a train back to Venice, and called my parents to tell them everything I've been feeling.

Self-medication. That was my mother's recommendation to me. "Go find some weed, someone there has to sell it. If you can't find that, at least wine is cheap there." I took it to heart. I went out, I bought some weed, and for a week straight, I prescribed myself 2 long drags from an overfilled blunt of the terrace outside my room. Did it help? Of course not, but it numbed things a little bit.

And then, of course, there's the alcohol. I took that advice a little too seriously, unfortunately. Never in my life have I blacked out more frequently than I have here. I will go out buzzed, get to the bar, have a drink or two, and the night will have escaped me. I wake up in the morning still in my clothes from the night before, lights on, and with the cash in my pocket from the night before replaced with a pounding headache. We decided to go clubbing all night a few weekends back, because, when in Rome, I guess. I remember the bus ride there, the walk from the bus station, getting in the doors and getting my free drink that came with my ticket, and then that's it! The entire night, 11PM-5AM, gone from my memory. The people I was with remember it all too well. I apparently went behind the VIP bar to steal pineapple and candies, too 50+ flash photos on my digital camera, and kept running away from them (they told me this in good spirits, thank god). I think I just need to escape sometimes, and that's how my mind is choosing to do it.

Brynne said that she'll go through phases where she's just out of it and that's why she blacks out so often (not scientifically proven, I checked). I guess I'm just in one of those stages in life. The economy of my health is up and down, it's not managed by trends in the market. Maybe if it was, I'd have predicted such an intense downturn.