#I do wonder how different their lives might've been

[blueorchidwolf]

@canisalbus

I love and adore your doggos and your art style and how you play with colors, and they inspired me to do a draw! I know these two didn't meet as kids, but I couldn't help running with the what-if storybook vibe :D

[calypsocolada]

MISO SOUP AND SWEET POTATOES | g. tomioka

(click here for part two!)

synopsis: you're tasked with convinicing Giyu to join the Hashira Training author's note: hello. this was a days worth of writing. from 11 am to 3 am. i even wrote parts in my notepad at work. i really like how this turned out. i finished the hashira training arc last night and think that final episode might've been the best episode of anime i have actually ever seen. this is a whole ass story cw: slightly suggestive, major spoilers for rengoku and the hashira training arc, character death, gore, ANGST, fluff, happy ending, not proofread, fem reader, use of y/n a lil, lover!giyu, hardheaded!reader wc: 6.3k

click here for my masterlist

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“Would you mind talking to Giyu for me? So that Giyu, who tends to put himself into a negative frame of mind can start looking ahead again. Will you be persistent in your efforts to speak with him?” 

You stared at the letter. You reread it again and again and again. Your body still aches from the previous fight in the swordsmith village and you sort of hoped this was a hallucination. That you were still unconscious. But as your crow beside you squawked and you jumped you knew it was real. The paper crinkled beneath your hands. Kagaya’s handwriting is flawless and script. You followed the trail of his pen again. 

Would you mind speaking to Giyu for me?

You wondered if maybe this letter was accidentally sent to you. Even as your eyes wandered back up to the top of the paper that clearly said ‘Dear Y/n’. Even if it didn’t say your name there were no accidents with Kagaya. 

But… but there had to be. Out of everyone, all the Hashira that were certainly closer to Giyu. But you, the newest Hashira, had been chosen to speak with him? In what world did that make any sense? You barely knew the guy. Granted he had been the reason you joined the corp originally but he’d dodged your very presence the best he could ever since. 

Your village had been attacked about four years ago. Same old story for a lot of people victimized by demons. There was never a happy ending with those monsters involved. Always blood. Always loss. It was no different for you. Half of your family was slaughtered before you could even rouse yourself from sleep. But when you did all you saw was the inkblots of blood on your white walls, the color shining from being hit by the moonlight. You remembered sitting up and feeling numb as you heard someone screaming. The scream that never left you. Something you’d never be able to ingest for as long as you lived. 

When you got to your feet your mother had busted into your room. She looked pale, blood gushing from beneath her white nightgown. She scooped you up and kissed your head as she stuffed you into the closet. She shushed your cry’s and told you not to come out until the sun shone beneath the crack in the door. She gave you one last kiss. You didn’t know then it was the last. You reached for her but she pushed your hands back, silently shook her head then pressed the door closed. 

You’d always been a good kid. You stayed put exactly as you’d been told. Even as you heard more screams. Even as it went quiet. 

Only until that sun shone beneath your door did you move. You busted out of that closet. Your mother’s name is the first thing on your lips but she wasn’t the first person you saw. The scene in your house was horrific to say the least. The sights of the people you loved in multiple torn pieces is something that comes back to you in flashes when you fight demons. 

It spurs you on to do exactly what they did to your family back to them. To tear them to shreds. 

In the middle of it all was a boy. He was sitting so still that you didn’t even notice him amongst the slaughter. Your living room was still dark, dark enough that it kept this monster safe as it rose to its full height. No longer a boy but a creature from your deepest darkest nightmares. It had your family’s blood on its mouth as it smiled a wickedly devilish smile. 

“Hmm. Missed one.” It spoke in a gravelly tone as it swallowed whatever it was chewing on. You could guess what. You stepped back into your mother’s blood… or maybe your father’s? The blood, thick beneath your foot slid out from underneath you and you crashed into their bodies, something sharp sticking into your side as you gasped in sudden pain. Your mother’s hand still gripped a knife that had now lodged itself in your thigh. The demon only laughed. “Clumsy one aren’t you. Mother wasted her time hiding something so useless.” He growled, approaching with a predatory gleam in his dark eyes. 

When he pounced towards you something momentary took hold over you. You, a measly twelve years old, ripped that knife from your own leg and thrusted it into the demon's eye. The creature roared like nothing you’d heard before as it stumbled back away from you. You just blinked as you watched it, numbness contending with your fear. The creature yanked the knife out and tossed it angrily to the side. It growled, fuming as it charged back at you. You raised your hands to defend yourself, screwing your eyes shut. You heard the whoosh of something cutting through the air itself and when you opened your eyes the creature had halted its assault. It locked eyes with you moments before its head toppled right off its shoulder. You stared in abject horror as the creature's body started to burn a blood red color and you saw a figure behind it. You were as still as a statue as the figure behind  it took shape. 

The shape of a boy, he couldn’t have been much older than you. Eyes an indigo blue, dark and almost unfeeling as they met yours. You watched as he gave a quick swipe of his sword to rid it of the demons burning blood as he sheathed it back at his side. 

“Are you hurt?” He asked, his voice young like yours. You weren’t hurt. Somehow. And you couldn’t open your mouth to answer him, not with your body still on top of your parents. You just stared at him, even as your eyesight got cloudy and stinging tears slid down your cheeks. 

The boy walked towards you and remained still, unable to move as he bent down in front of you. He reached and clumsily brushed the tears from your face. It was as if he knew you wouldn’t part your lips to speak because wordlessly he, with immaculate ease, picked you up off the corpses and carried you out of the house. You moved for the first time in minutes as your head tilted to look back towards your family. 

“Eyes on me.” He said and sure enough your eyes snapped to him. To take in his face. Eyes endlessly dark blue as they stared forwards. He had to have been your age, maybe a year older. He had the shape of a young face, with full cheeks and raven black hair to the nape of his neck. You couldn’t look away, it had nothing to do with his looks but everything to do with his command. 

You were a good kid. When someone told you to do something you did it. Years later you would come to thank Giyu for that, for commanding you to look at him instead of glancing back at what remained of your family.

Everything after that was just sort of a blur. You stayed some place warm, a faint fire flickering and that boy with the sword stayed with you until some men in black uniforms found you. You remember not being able to walk, the shock and grief of the night not letting you. You’d held onto your saviors shirt, your fist balled. He let you, in fact he even came along with you and the men in black and when they asked you to let go you blinked at them. You hadn’t even noticed you were still holding on. You let go in an instant. Your hand is sore from how tightly you’d been clenching. The men in black’s hands were on your shoulders guiding you away and when you looked back your voice came to you. 

“What’s your name?” You asked, everything paused for you so you could hear his answer. 

“Giyu.” He answered. You put a name to his face. You parted your lips to thank him but nothing came out again. You couldn’t say thanks. Not when you were the only breathing because you cowardly hid in the closet. You felt you didn’t deserve to be thankful. You met his eyes again and something, somehow, told you he understood. He gave you the softest nod of his head and when he turned to leave you felt your heart drop. Like something had bonded you to this boy. But you turned and let yourself be whisked away. 

A year later you worked for the very same people as Giyu had. You were given a sword and trained thoroughly by a man with red and orange hair. You weren’t ever good with names but the fire in him fueled the fire in you. Which is why you eagerly learned that breathing style and trudged up that mountain to crush the selection test. 

A few years after that you ran into Giyu. You were sent on a mission to help the Water Hashira. You’d never met any other Hashira besides Rengoku so you were sort of apprehensive. You never liked meeting new people. All those years spent with Rengoku and his fiery personality you wished at least some of it had rubbed off on you but… you were still demure and quiet, quick to anger and prone to disappearing. You liked your alone time. You had all but begged Rengoku to let you go with him in his mission, apparently some demon had infested a train, that sounded far more exhilarating than helping some water Hashira you didn’t know. Rengoku did what he always did when you were disappointed. He gave you a sort of unwanted hug, though secretly you wanted and needed it, and ruffled your hair. 

“We’ll see each other in two weeks. Next mission is yours and mine.” He said and then he was gone and you were boarding a train going the opposite way. 

When you arrived, stepping off the train your eyes met the same indigo blue eyes from so many years ago. When you were both kids. Now both adults. You stopped where you stood, unable to walk any closer as everything fled back. Stuff you had managed to keep down deep for so many years. Memories you wanted to erase. All that time wasted and drudged back up in mere seconds. Giyu may have had those same eyes but he was grown now. His hair longer and tied back, his face had lost that boyish roundness. He looked tall and lean. Well at least taller than you. For a moment he looked just as surprised as you but he smoothed over that emotion into something practiced. 

“It’s you.” He said, his voice deep and soft. You swallowed, your hand resting on your sword. 

“You’re the water Hashira?” You asked and he nodded his head as the train behind you dinged and slowly pulled out of the stop, the wind brushing your hair over your shoulders. 

“You’re Rengoku’s tsuguko?” At that you nodded your head back at him. His eyes trailed to your sword, to your haori, and old one Rengoku had lent you. His eyes lingered on that fiery pattern.  

“I never learned your name.” He said and then his eyes flicked to yours. You swallowed dryly, you weren’t sure why he made you so nervous, why your heart was beating so fast. You wondered if he was a part of a life you wanted to die off. The scared girl in the closet was far from who you were now. Rengoku never got to meet that scared girl. No one had. Except Giyu. You told him your name and he repeated it, as if feeling how it felt on his own lips. Your heart skipped a traitorous beat at the way he spoke your name. It felt different coming from him. You grabbed ahold of yourself.

“Shall we?”

But your mission with Giyu was cut off with the sudden death of Rengoku. You and Giyu hadn’t made it back to the village before both of your crows had delivered the news. You still remembered everything about that moment. Giyu walking beside you, your haori catching a gust of wind, cold wind, as if winter was coming. You could replay your footsteps on the dirt road. The distant flapping of wings growing closer and closer and then stopping as they landed. Your initial glance over at the water Hashira before the delivering of the news. The ripple before the crack in your soul. Giyu had been present for the worst two days of your life. Something about losing someone again that felt like family irrevocably broke something in you all over again. This pain you felt before today you wondered for years if it would last. Rengoku had healed some of it. And begrudgingly and foolishly you let him in. But now you have your answer. This pain would last forever. You couldn’t even cry, you just stared blankly ahead, just as you had in your dark house wrecked with the stench of blood. 

You felt a hand on your shoulder, you didn’t want to look at him.

“Go, I’ll finish the mission.” He said, his voice different, there was a coldness before but now only warmth. You still didn’t look at him as you turned to leave.

“Be careful.” You choked out before taking off in a run back towards the train station. 

You’d seen Giyu a few times after that but only in passing, never long enough to start up a proper conversation though both of you hated talking. You never let anyone else in after that. You took up the position of Fire Hashira and the only thing fiery about you was your utter hatred for demons. The other Hashira were sort of weary of you and that kept them at a distance. You only talked when absolutely needed and was the first to leave after Hashira meetings. You liked that distance. You’d do anything to keep it. There was only so much heartbreak and loss you could take. You were at your limit. You didn’t have room for anyone in your scabbard dying heart. 

That’s why receiving that letter from Kagaya had caught you so off guard. He of all people knew who you were and still he asked you for a favor. Probably a dying wish. He had shown you kindness and since it was the only thing he’d ever asked you for, reluctantly, you found yourself at the front of Giyu’s home. It was cold out as your knuckles rapped against the wooden door. You waited, stepped back and looked off to the side, expecting to see Kagaya’s crow lingering around somewhere to report back to him. A minute had passed as you gave one more series of knocks. Nothing. Maybe he wasn’t home. You sighed and turned to leave just as the wooden door clicked and was pulled open. When you turned back those striking blue eyes met yours. There was skepticism on his face as you swallowed. That feeling that met you every time you saw Giyu never seemed to fade. That persistent speeding of your heart. That faltering of words. All highly inconvenient.

“Y/n?” Giyu spoke first, pulling the door open just a tad more. He was in casual clothing, he looked as though he may have just woken up.

“Giyu. I never knew you lived in this part of town.” You lied. You knew. 

“It’s quiet.”

“I can see.” The lack of noise was slightly unsettling, only the rustling of leaves in the wind could be heard. You swallowed. “May I come in?” Your voice was slightly strained and didn’t at all sound like you wanted to do that but to your detriment Giyu moved to the side. Giyu’s home was a reflection of himself. It was clean, almost sterile, with dark walnut furnishings and dark curtains. He really must’ve been sleeping because he reaches over and flicks on a few lanterns, casting an orange glow to his living room. 

“I wasn’t expecting company,” He says over his shoulder and you almost agree.

“Unwanted?” You ask and when he shakes his head ‘no’ you relax sort of. 

“I’ll make us some food. Did you travel long?” He asks as he leads you towards the kitchen. You take a seat at the kitchen island and watch him get to work. 

“Yeah. Long train ride.” You answer as Giyu nods his head. You know he’s probably dying to know why you’re here but you're sure if you told him things would turn sour. You watched Giyu gather ingredients and supplies, he was very orderly about things, kept things nice and clean as he prepared dinner for you both. You had a lot of experience cooking growing up with Rengoku, that man could eat and eat. Just at the thought you felt a pang and forced your face not to show it.

“Do you need help?” 

“That’s alright, you rest.” Giyu intones, setting a cup in front of you as he fills it with hot black tea. You thank him, wrapping your hands around the warm mug. You stare down into the tea for a moment and realize you had no idea how to go about this little favor Kagaya had asked of you. You barely spoke with anyone, you were well out of practice. How genuine would this ask even be coming from you? 

“How’re you?” You asked, not letting yourself be embarrassed by your lack of social skills. Giyu flicks on the stove.

“Do you really want to know?” He asked over his shoulder and stupidly, because he wasn’t even looking at you, you nodded your head before clearing your throat and speaking.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.” You hoped that didn’t come out as sharp as it sounded.

“I’m… well. Thank you for asking.” Giyu answered, his monotone answer at war with the words he spoke. He sounded anything but well. You remembered the last Hashira meeting. You remembered Giyu’s back turned as he said, “I’m not like the rest of you.” Unlike Sanemi you didn’t feel angry at that. In fact you knew how that felt. To feel unwelcomed and wanting it to stay that way. 

“If you’re well then I’m well.” You said and when Giyu turned, his eyes meeting yours, you felt a flash of how you saw him that first time. You blinked it away as he turned back.

“I didn’t think… you of all the Hashira’s would be the first to visit.” Giyu said, turning back to the stove. You stared at the back of his head. 

“Me neither.” You said with a soft sigh. “But here I am.”

“Here you are.” He says, his voice soft again. It did funny things to you. Funny things that only he could elicit. It was frustrating.

“Giyu…” You trailed off, unsure how to broach the subject. “Did something happen? To make you not want to help out with the Hashira training?” Giyu was quiet for a long moment. You watched him stir some stuff into the pan and for a moment you thought he hadn’t heard you. 

“Can we not… talk about that?” He asks almost kindly. But that’s all you needed to talk about. If you didn’t stay on topic you’d be doing Kagaya a disservice, though could you count that as a hardy first try?

“Of course.” You answered, fiddling with your hands. You’d left your sword back at the inn you were staying at and wished you’d had it just so you could fiddle with something else. “Though, I apologize but, I almost wish I could sit it out too.”

“Why’s that?”

“Training a bunch of snot nosed kids sounds like hell to me.” You spoke truthfully and watched Giyu;s shoulders rise and fall quickly, almost like he was maybe laughing, but he still wasn't facing you so you wouldn’t know.

“Not a fan?”

“I had my fill with the three from the swordsmith village.” Tanjiro, his little demon sister, Nezuko and Sanemi’s little brother Genya. All a handful. But very capable in a fight. 

“How’re your wounds? I… never got to ask.” Giyu says as he reaches for some seasoning, finally turning to the side to face you.

“Scarring up.” You said and Giyu nodded his head, his eyes drifting to the scar on your cheek.

“Two upper ranks. If anyone could handle them I knew it’d be you.” He says with a sort of gleam in his eye. 

“Can’t take the credit. That red head kid killed one of ‘em while MItsuri and I held off its body. Muichiro took one by himself.” You recounted, the fight honestly felt like it would never end.

“You and Kanroji worked together?”

“Surprising, right?”

“Not at all.” Giyu answers. “You two are very alike.”

“In what way?” You almost laughed at that statement. 

“Strong, fierce, never quit.”

“I think we all have that in common.” You say and Giyu gets this look in his eyes as he turns back away. You feel as though you lost some ground. You chew the inside of your lip. Clearly Giyu doesn’t feel as though he had that in common with you. Something ignited in you. A need to say something on your mind. “Giyu… I-- I never thanked you.”

“Thanked me?”

“I’ve… wrestled with it for a long time. How to… go about it. Kyojuro used to tell me to practice with all the people we met. To thank them for stupid things, like holding the door open or bringing me food. Just so the words didn’t feel so foreign. But I never really felt thankful for you saving me. I lived because my whole family died. Because I hid.” You take in a shaky breath. You’d never talked about this stuff out loud, not even with Rengoku. You felt embarrassed suddenly, shaking your head, you forced out a choked laugh. “Nevermind. I don’t know what I’m saying.” You felt his eyes on you but you forced yourself to keep looking down at your warm tea. As long as you stayed like this maybe he’d move the conversation along to something else. You cursed yourself for ruining the mood, if there even was one to begin with.

“You don’t have to stop. I… I would like to know more about you. I… always have.” Your eyes shot to his like a gun hitting its mark. Those dark eyes, you could swim in them. Get lost in them. Those eyes… could make you feel something. That made you shoot to your feet, your tea spilling over. Giyu didn’t startle, he just turned to grab a rag but when he turned back you were halfway to the front door. He dropped the towel on the table. “W-wait, Y/N,” He called to you but when he rounded into the living room the front door slammed closed. 

You fumbled outside, steps clumsy as you started to run and run. You didn’t want to think about it. You had to get away, as far as those legs of yours could take you. You could run to the next town over, retrieve your sword in the morning and never speak to the water hashira again. Never again. Favor be damned. What you felt was dangerous. That kind of thing left you the hollow husk you were today. You preferred this safe loneliness. You couldn’t ever be hurt again. You stopped for a moment, the cold air tough to run in as you huffed and puffed out condensation clouds.

“You’re fast.” You hadn’t even heard his approach. You didn’t turn, just swallowed.

“I- realized I have something to do in the morning. Can’t stay out late.”

“Come back, Y/n. Please.” His voice was doing that soft thing you body liked so much. You clenched your jaw, if you could stab your heart you would.

“Can’t.”

“Why? And… tell me the truth.” You heard him walk a bit closer. Please, you thought, just go back home.

“Maybe you’re right. What you said at the last meeting, that you’re not like us other Hashira. Maybe I just realized it.” You wanted to hurt him, it was a common defense you used quite often. 

“And?”

“And I’m wasting my time speaking with someone who’d rather sit on the sidelines.” You spat over your shoulder. That’ll do it, you thought, that’ll get him to leave. It was quiet, heartbreakingly quiet and you were too much of a coward to see the hurt you caused so you started to walk away towards your inn.

“I… don’t care if you hate me.” You stopped walking instantly and turned, Giyu looked stricken, as if you slapped him. You regretted turning around. “You can hate me all you want. Yell at me, hit me, whatever you want to do. But I need you to know… you might regret me saving you but I have never regretted saving you…”

“Giyu,”

“Please… let me.” He straightened slightly. “I… am amazed by you.” His words hit you like the sharpest sting. Like a knife in the gut that slowly twists. “You’re incredible, nothing ever could rival you. You… lost so many yet you fight with purpose. I could never be like you.” You tense your jaw, eyes sharp. 

“That’s where you’re wrong.” You take a step towards him. “I am hateful. I don’t have a purpose to fight anymore I just do it because it needs to be done. You don’t know me at all.”

“Maybe I don’t. But… I want to.”

“Why?”

“I’m not succinct.” Giyu sighs, as if tired. “I just do.” Want to know you. You stared at him and that traitorous heart of yours, that naive heart did another flip. You shook your head. 

“You don’t. No one does.”

“Rengoku did.” Your eyes lit like fire, some heat filling your soul. You wanted to yell at him for saying his name. For bringing him into this. But you’d done it first. 

“He’s dead. They all are. My whole family. I don’t want to know you. I don’t want you to know me. I want you to go back home and let me be.” 

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Maybe for the same reason your eyes find mine every time we're in the same room.” Giyu took a step closer, you watched him move as though he was going to strike you down. LIke he was going for a killing blow.

“I… I don’t do that.” The lie was so obvious to your ears it almost made you cringe outwardly. 

“I’m not trying to embarrass you because… I look for you in every room. I… I lied to you the second time we saw each other so many years ago I… I knew you were Rengoku’s tsuguko because he’d written to me. He… sensed something and told me he was sending you to me for that mission. I was so… so damn nervous to see you again after so many years. So curious about how you were faring and I couldn’t even get more than fifteen words out. And when Rengoku passed I would write Kagaya, ask him how you were because I was too much of a coward to ask you myself.” That’s why Kagaya wrote to you. Your heart still beat, skipped a beat then beat again. Everything was falling into place. Why Rengoku had sent you away when you had always gone on his missions with him. The scheming man was playing matchmaker. And even Kagaya was playing the same damn game. 

“Don’t say anything else, Giyu. Please.”

“I won’t speak the rest of the night if you come back. You can even leave at first light. Just please… let me feed you and give you a place to sleep.”

“My inn isn’t too far.”

“Please.” The emotion in his voice was staggering. It was a plea. It had sounded like something he needed even more than breathing. You stared at him. If you went with him now that would be the very first crack in your walls. You never gave an inch away since Rengoku died and if you started now everything would crumble.

“No. I’m going back to my inn.”

“I’ll join the hashira training.” He said and your lips parted in silent surprise. “That’s why you came tonight wasn’t it? You’d never do it alone so Kagaya must’ve written to you? Am I right?” Your face must’ve given away the answer because Giyu continued and you realized right here and now this is the most you two have ever talked. An hour together had more dialogue than almost eight years. And this was why you kept your distance all these years. Because if anyone knew you it was Giyu, he’d seen you at your lowest yet here he was… begging you to stay for just a few hours. “Come back and I’ll join. You can consider your favor a success.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I’d do it for you.”

“Be serious.” You growled and Giyu took another step forward. You hadn’t noticed him getting so close but suddenly he was close enough to touch. You stepped back. 

“Come back. Please.”

“You’re annoyingly persistent.”

“I just want you safe. That’s all.”

“You already saved me once. That’s enough.” You condemned with a shake of your head. Giyu looked doubtful for a moment, unsure of how to convince you to come back. But if you made good on Kaguya's favor this could be the end of it. “I’ll come back.” His eyes shot up to yours. “But I’m gone first light.” He nodded his head at that. 

Giyu finished up dinner as you set the table. It was quiet between you two after everything. Giyu had all but confessed the real depth of his feelings but you had an idea and it wasn’t something you’d let yourself dwell on. That idea was something close to hope. Something close to the degree of happiness. That’s not something you wanted. Not something you’d let yourself have. If there was one thing you were truly good at, it was self destruction. 

You took your seat as Giyu placed down the food. Miso soup with sweet potatoes. You stared at it, stricken. Rengoku’s favorite meal. 

“Y/n? Are you alright?” 

“Seriously? That was at least your sixth bowl.” You huffed as Rengoku smirked as he pulled the bowl to his lips, slurping down the rest of its contents. He placed it down and reached for the ladle again. You watched him in amused surprise as he dulled out a seventh bowl. “You’re overgorging yourself.”

“It’s too good. Who taught you to cook, kid?” 

“You did.” You sighed with an eyeroll as Rengoku laughed heartily.

“Ah! That’s right I did.”

You blinked a few times and suddenly your face felt wet. You pressed a hand to your cheek. You hadn’t cried since losing your parents. You thought you were incapable, that you had exhausted your tear ducts at night. You hadn’t cried when you lost Rengoku and you always felt inhuman because of it. You looked across the table and met Giyu’s wide eyed stare, he looked startled at your tears.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and you couldn’t stop the tears now. They fell so fluidly, so overwhelmingly. You tried to apologize but your words just came out in stuttered croaks in your throat. Giyu stood so fast he knocked his chair over as he crossed to the other side of the table. He dropped to his knees beside you and pulled you to him. Rengoku hugged you a lot. You’d say it was unwanted but it was something you needed. Giyu’s arms around you felt different. He hugged you close to his chest, his hand tangled in your hair as you fell prey to your emotions. But startlingly so… it felt nice. Bottling things up for so long had very nearly ended you and you might’ve been able to really shut off your humanity if it hadn't been for that damned letter. If it hadn't been for Rengoku’s unending kindness. If it hadn't been for Giyu’s persistence. You could’ve nearly ended up as black hearted as the demon that flipped your life upside down. That was the most startling revelation of them all.

Giyu hugged you tight as you fell to pieces. He didn’t let go, never even loosened his arms a little bit around you. He just held you and let you cry and cry. It should’ve been embarrassing but as he pulled your hair back out of your face and wiped your wet cheeks there wasn’t an ounce of that annoying sympathy in his eyes. Just utter understanding. And this was the most inopportune time, seeing as your eyes were probably bloodshot, nose probably running like crazy, but without thinking you sucked in a ragged breath and then pressed your mouth to his.

Giyu made a sound low in his throat, you felt his arms around you tighten, drawing you in, deepening the kiss. This wasn’t something you knew of. Your parent’s pecked each other’s lips and cheeks but this… no this was something for behind closed doors. For just you two. That fire that pooled in your stomach upon seeing Giyu had heightened at least tenfold when he pulled you into his lap. Your bodies pressed against one anothers, no room, not even a milimeter’s length of space. He kissed you softly, but you kissed him back hard. That chasm of loneliness in you had reached its peak and you wanted it gone. He gently ran his hand through your hair and you balled your fist in his shirt. He gently lowered you back and kissed you against the hardwood flooring of his kitchen. 

You shoved your chair away from you both and hooked your legs around his hips. He made another sound and you found that you liked it so you tightened your hold and slid your hand in his hair. That awarded you another sound, like a whimper. When he pulled back for air you yanked him by the hair back to your lips. Fuck air. You didn’t need that. You’d rather breathe him in. He whimpered again, his hips mindlessly moving, sending a wave of heat through you and this time it was your turn to groan. He hooked an arm around your back and with strength and swiftness, he hoisted you up off the floor without even breaking the kiss. You gasped in surprise and he walked you through the hallway. Kissing you against the wall and the door and the dresser before he finally made it to his bed. 

You two fell into the softness of his covers, his body trapping you beneath him. He trailed his lips away from yours and whimpered at the loss of contact. But he kissed both your cheeks, your forehead, the tip of your nose and to your jaw. He paid extra attention to your neck before kissing your collar bones. He kissed his way back down your body. Kissing your scars that had once been an eyesore to you. Ever so gently tracing some absentmindedly with his other hand. Whatever growing between you two was something to be earned. Sure you loved Giyu but you needed more time with him. You spent eight years barely speaking. You could tell Giyu felt that too because when his lips met yours again and pulled back you both blinked tiredly at one another. 

Astonishingly you watched the softest of smiles spread across Giyu’s face. You wanted to catalog this moment forever. To remember it till the day you died. Giyu pressed one last kiss to your forehead and then dropped beside you on the bed. He pulled you to him, your back pressed to his front. Your legs tangled as his hand reached across you and intertwined with yours. You blushed but settled against him. The dregs of sleep calling for you. You two didn’t need to speak another word.  

You watched the first light roll in through Giyu’s curtains. It shone like blades across his room. Giyu softly snored beside you, arms still around your body. You’d never kissed a single soul before but you knew what a kiss meant. You knew whenever your dad kissed your mom or the other way around that it was an unspoken way to say I love you. But it was a different kind of love your parents shared. You loved your family. You loved Rengoku. 

But you loved Giyu. 

You loved him as you clamped your fist in his shirt the night he saved you. You loved him when you stepped off that train. You loved him at every hashira meeting and every stolen glance. You loved him as you read Kagaya’s letter and loved him when he opened the door. As he chased you down in the street and begged you to come back to his home. So many problems never go away, some pain felt as though it would last forever and you never thought you could break through. You never thought you could just grow around it, because nothing was more persistent than a plant in the presence of the sun. You never told Rengoku you loved him, never told him how much he meant to you and that his kindness never fell to deaf ears. You had spent eight years loving Giyu and not letting yourself know it.

And all it took was some miso soup and sweet potatoes.

[youuuimeanmee]

Get ready with me to be surprised with

✨️Anya's Origin✨️

Hint: Romania

I had some free time, so I reread the latest chapter of Spy x Family, chapter 92.

Barbara said she and Sigmund were in Covenia for awhile. We know Westalis and Ostania are a reference for the West Germany and Eastern Germany, so I wondered if Covenia is based on a real place too. I was bored, y'see.

I quick-searched a country name that ended with -nia, but no luck.

I remembered a theory that Anya is more superior in Classical languange because she might've come from a place that uses that languange. A wild idea popped up to me that Covenia still uses (or references) that language. Since Sigmund has many classical books, it's not a stretch to assume he learned that language because he used to live in Covenia. Based on that assumption, I searched what country is still using Latin languange, what languange that references Latin.

... bingo.

Covenia and Romania. Who would've thought.

I searched where is Romania located because my geography sucks.

Oh it's in Europe, great! And it's close with Ukraine too, Russia...

Wait. I thought the story is based in the '60s, so, could they be related at that time?

Wow, so they ARE related.

And the timeline matched with SxF's world too.

When I clicked the "Romania" word, I stumbled on this.

.....

Could it be,

Anya originally comes from Covenia, which is a reference to Romanian People's Republic?

Does it mean the organization that experiment on Anya is based in Soviet?

And to think that Sigmund, a well-known neurology professor, used to rehabilitate wounded soldiers in Covenia... Is it really a rehabilitation though?

*cold sweat*

Anyways.

If Anya really comes from Covenia/Romania, the initial spelling of her name would make sense then, but I have zero idea about Romanian alphabet to confirm it.

Of course I searched it.

The Romanian alphabet is a variant of the Latin alphabet used for writing the Romanian language. It is a modification of the classical Latin alphabet and consists of 31 letters, five of which (Ă, Â, Î, Ș, and Ț) have been modified from their Latin originals for the phonetic requirements of the language

Oh shoot it's getting warmer.

Double check to make sure, I tried to look if [î] is really the replacement alphabet for [y].

OH SHIT.

K, Q, W and Y, not part of the native alphabet, were officially introduced in the Romanian alphabet in 1982.

Now it makes sense. No wonder Anya spelled her name like that.

It's because in the place where she came from, the alphabet Y wasn't used yet. And it's not supposed to be Ania either; it's Anîa. But I doubt a small child like her would understand the difference between i and î.

Summary:

Anya might've come from Covenia/Romania. It explains her initial name and her excellence in Classical language.

The organization that experimented on Anya might've come from the Soviet.

Sigmund might have some connections with Anya more than we thought; the theories were right on track. Because he studies neurology and lived in Covenia for some time, he is fluid in Classical languange and he knows how to make learning more fun.

I wanted to try searching what kind of brain-related research did Soviet do at that time, but then I might come up with lobotomy or some dark shit and I'm not prepared for that, so I'm gonna let the sleeping dogs lie until we get more informations from Endo.

Annd that's it. I'm very surprised with this finding. My quick 5-minutes search turned into 2-hours brainrot. And my hands are still cold. I'm not sure if it's intentional from Endo or it's just some happy coincidence, but at least I'm more aware with Covenia now.

Thank you for following me in this short journey! Byee 👋

[rationaliity]

modern! blade lives a surprisingly domestic life compared to what a lot of people could think for him. was he covered in scars and tattoos, with long dyed hair and piercings ? absolutely he was. did he drive a motorcycle and smoke weed whenever he got the chance, and sometimes whenever he didn't even have the chance ? yeah. was he rough around the edges, and so hard to approach that any normal person with even a slight sense of self worth would rather die then be forced to say even a simple ' hello ' to him ? that was just blade, it was who he was as a whole, and that's okay. but when the two of you were home alone, he was.. almost a different person.

" bladie ~ " you called out, poking your head from the bedroom. he'd been in the shower for a while, you were wondering if he was smoking without you again, or if he had finally keeled over from all of his self destructive habits. you knew the latter wasn't possible. blade was almost indestructible at this point, nothing could hurt him that he had tried. and it's blade, he's tried nearly everything that he could think of. not necessarily out of a wish to die, and not because he wanted to live on the edge. the darker aspects of life just called to him, as if he were atoning for sins he'd made in a past life and still couldn't do it.

" yes ? " blade asked, opened the bathroom door, his hair wrapped in one of your floral towels, his lazy black tee shirt having stains from a funny mix of his poor attempt at trying bleach art and how many times the both of you had dyed your hair over and over again. his grey sweatpants hung on his hips, and you were pretty sure you could find god in his skin that peaked underneath his shirt as his hand raised to grab the towel around his hair. " do you need something ? "

" nah, " you shook your head, obviously staring at him as he let his damp hair fall down his back, throwing the towel in the bathroom and really not caring where it landed. " i was just checking up on you. making sure you aren't dead yet or anything. " at least you were honest, he had to give you that.

" i haven't died yet, are you so eager to attend my funeral ? " he joked, walking towards you. if you were anyone else, you might've shrunk back with the way that he was looking at you. but he was your blade, you knew that he wouldn't hurt you no matter what was happening, and especially not in such a surprisingly tender moment like this.

" can't wait.. although it'd be a double funeral. it's definitely a funeral i can't miss, since i'm going to be a participate and all. " by the time you spoke, he was already in front of you, his hand on your cheek. blade grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him.

" a double funeral ? how.. charming. " he didn't smile or anything, but you could tell that he was happy with your little proclamation." are you ready for bed ? "

yeah, the two of you were a little morbid. maybe you smoked with him from time to time, maybe you were his passenger on his motorcycle. maybe you traced patterns in his tattoos and kissed his his piercings. maybe he loved you. maybe you loved him. maybe you were willing to die together just as much as you were willing to live together.

— ♡ rationaliity 2024

[luveline]

Hi Jade! If you feel up to it, could I request steve zombieau and perhaps while reader and steve are on the road maybe she takes care of him for once when he feels ill? Love this series so much ❤️

thank you for your request gorgeous!!! steve zombie!au. fem!reader, 1.3k

cw throwing up/ vomiting

Steve thinks you're awesome even when you piss him off, and you piss him off often (though if it's really your fault is up for debate). He likes your smile, your hands, the way you whisper when the sun goes down even if there's nobody around to hear you but him. He likes how you tie your shoelaces, how you cut open a can, hell, he even likes the way you breathe. Asleep at night, your snoring. 

He's starting to think he likes everything about you. Which is confusing, because a couple of months ago he would wish from time to time that you never met. If he didn't know you, maybe he could leave you behind. If you weren't so endearing, right from the start, he could've left you at Hawkins High and biked across Indiana. He might've been able to catch up with Robin. 

It only took a couple of days of knowing you to realise that wasn't a fair thing to think about. Plus, you saved his life. Steve was never going to leave you behind. So you're permanent, and you're awesome, and Steve hadn't realised until now that among those things, you're a good friend to him. 

"Do you think you're done?" you're asking softly, crouched in a dusty room with him and paying no mind to the vomit puddle at your feet. "We can go sit somewhere else." 

Steve fell to his knees unthinking when the first wave of nausea wracked him. It was the painful twist of guts that you're both nearly, horrifyingly, used to these days. Food poisoning. 

He shakes his head, hands trembling, mouth hot. "Don't think so."

"You want me to get your drink out of your bag?"

"Waste. I'll just throw it back up." 

"It'll make your throat feel better in the meantime." 

You rub his shoulder through his coat, an action that should be useless but in actuality is quite comforting. Steve wonders if he'd have thought to rub your back if it were you throwing up. 

Steve nods once, tight, hating that he needs things. You nod back and dig through your bag for your canteen. He wants to point out the lie, and argue that he'll waste his own water on feeling better and not yours, but the nausea rears and he has to curl his hand into something as he heaves. 

His hair is just long enough to need holding out of his face. You stroke it away from his mouth and wait with him, seemingly unbothered by his vomiting. It gets on your shoes and you still don't care, you just hum sympathetically, carding hair behind his ears. "You should listen to yourself more often, Steve, you said those spaghetti shapes tasted weird." 

"I thought maybe they tasted strange because I'm not five anymore," he says hoarsely. 

You laugh and hug his shoulders. "Poor guy," you say near his ear, your fondness a warming thing as you press your face to the side of his head. You squeeze him gently. "Does this make you feel better at all, or am I making it worse?" 

"Better." He closes his eyes, hands on his knees. "Definitely better." 

You hug him for a while. Faces squished together, your arms around him. Eventually he puts a hand on your thigh and slumps into you like a loser. 

You move him away from his gross throw up pool and insist on staying in a different room. Food poisoning is just one of those things you've had to learn to live with when things get tough, scraping by and risking it on an empty stomach. There truthfully isn't much for Steve to even expel but his body found it, and for the rest of the day he feels drained. 

You dote. Steve is a little surprised, he must look especially pathetic or something. You don't tease him for being grumpy or look after him with any feigned begrudgement, you just do it. You gather cushions for him and sit him down on a single bed (he refuses to sleep it off). You take his shoes and wash them with your own, sitting beside him when you're done, the two of you in your socks. He could pretend you were friends hanging out after work like he and Robin used to do, pyjama movie nights that left popcorn crumbs in his bed for days after. 

He misses her, then. More than he can explain. It sucks any energy he had left out of him. He lays back in bed and let's you take care of him for a bit.

Hours later, when it's dark, and you've made the executive decision to seal the house and stay the night, you lay beside him with your neck skewed funny against the wall, pulling his arm to your stomach. He gets this crazy feeling like butterflies in his stomach that he puts down to lingering nausea. 

"You feeling any better?" you ask, your hand smoothing up and down his arm as you talk. You, your hand begins to fall. Feeling, it strokes gently over his pulse. Any, your hand lightens, fingertips tracing his skin. Better, they climb the hill of his arm. You clasp the crook of his elbow in your hand like another hug. 

"I feel fine." 

"You can try and eat some of the emergency jerky before we sleep, okay? It'll be easy to keep down, even if you have to ruin your teeth chewing it." 

He brushed vigorously after throwing up. The jerky will taste like mint. It honestly doesn't even matter to him, so long as you keep stroking his arm. "In a bit," he agrees. 

"Okay… I'm sorry you're sick, Steve." 

"Why are you sorry?" he asks, surprised. 

"It's not nice seeing you sick. Like, it's gross seeing someone else throw up, but I don't like seeing you all mopey and sad."

"Now you know how I feel." He turns his head to yours. "You always have something wrong with you." 

You look away from him. Steve didn't say it to embarrass you, he just meant that seeing you unwell and hurting so often hurts him, because he cares about you. The point was that he cares. 

He lifts his head to remove one of his pillows. "Here. You'll mess up your neck." 

"You'd have to do all my looking for me," you say sheepishly, lifting your head like he had to accept the pillow. 

"You'd have a bad neck," he says. He hopes you get it. The problem wouldn't be having to do things for you; taking care of you isn't something he thinks about anymore, it's just another thing he does to survive. 

You seem to understand, closing your eyes, curling so your face is a little closer to his, his arm still very much in your grasp. Steve thinks fuck it, fuck thinking, he's sick and tired and maybe you've been his friend this whole time. He turns on his side and put his arm over your chest in a half-hug. 

"Did you put a chair in front of the door?" he asks, closing his eyes. 

"Yeah, I did. Are we sleeping?" 

Steve presses his face into your shoulder in answer. A nap will do you both good. 

(You sleep for sixteen hours, the best either of you have slept for weeks.) 

[hoseokslefteyebrow]

In which you meet for the first time.

Arranged marriage au.

In which the first years find out you're engaged, and to whom.

An arranged marriage.

You're stunned. But annoyed all the same. 

You're surprised too, even though you know that it's odd and useless to feel that way.

As a member of the L/N clan, you of course would've been forced to be married off sooner or later.

Thankfully, the actual marriage won't happen until years later, when you're grown up, an actual adult.

You're only 13 now.

You can't help the scowl on your face as you enter the room your supposed future 'fiance' is in.

Your eyes are quick to connect with a beautiful pair of purple eyes.

You have to admit, he's cute. If you would have seen him across your school, you might've been interested in him. 

You'd never dare to make a move on him though, not if you had been in the same school or would have seen him elsewhere. And especially not with these circumstances

Currently, the grudge you hold against him due to this arranged marriage is clouding your judgment. You dislike him even when he hasn't spoken a word to you just yet.

Your eyes stray to the symbols on the side of his mouth. Ah right, his family's technique was cursed speech. Powerful, admittedly. You have a vague idea of how it works, but you can't help but wonder if it affects casual speech too.

" L/N Y/N." 

Your introduction is basic.

The boy across from you blushes.

He looks sweet. You shake the thought off.

" Inumaki Toge."

You nod. An awkward silence overtakes the two of you for a few moments.

You don't know what to say.

Your mother had all but shoved you in this room, without further directions or whatsoever.

You awkwardly sit down on the couch in the sitting room, your hands tapping your thighs nervously for a moment.

" Kelp."

You blink as he sits down on a chair across from you, a small coffee table between the two of you.

" What?" 

What was that supposed to mean?

He frowns, searching his pockets before pulling out his phone and typing away.

Great. So he's ignoring you now.

" So, uhm, what's your opinion on our situation-"

You pause as he turns the phone to you.

' Sorry, due to my cursed speech technique I can only talk in Onigiri ingredients to avoid accidentally cursing those around me.'

" Oh." 

You exclaim softly, understanding him better now.

He turns the phone back to himself, typing away again.

" I don't know how to feel about our situation yet. I always knew I have a chance of ending up in an arranged marriage due to my hereditary technique. I understand if you feel different though. I hoped we could see how things go. We can always fight it if either of us dislike it. I won't force you into marriage with me.'

Your eyes widen at his consideration. This was not what you had expected at all.

The only other person you've met who has a hereditary technique is Naoya Zen'In, and you hate that guy with a passion.

You blush softly at Toge's words, smiling as you nod in agreement.

" I have to admit that I thought more negatively about the situation. But you seem nice. Maybe we should see how things go."

Toge blushes slightly as well, smiling softly as he nods.

It was an uncomfortable, odd situation for the both of you. You're only thirteen, and yet both of your parents have already decided that your lives are to be spent with one another.

He takes his phone back, and for a moment, the two of you are silent again.

" Uhm... What's your favorite onigiri ingredient?"

He smiles at you.

" Tuna Mayo."

Before you even realize it, the two of you are talking, (well, mostly you. He's mostly typing, or answering in Onigiri ingredients when it's a yes or no question), getting to know one another.

At the end of the day, you are nowhere near certain about eventually being married to him, yet you have to admit that you enjoyed spending time with him.

And that you looked forward to the next time you're seeing each other again.

[ A/N: Decided to do a small drabble collection of their marriage in little scenarios. Just for the heck of it. Requests about this specific trope are welcome (no guarantee that I'll accept though) ]

[dropthedemiurge]

Boys Be Brave [EP.4] // Translation notes

Not so many this time so let me know if you're curious about anything else, I'll point out what I thought was interesting^^

"If you like someone, you start to feel ashamed/embarrassed. I'd rather die than to show him how embarrassing I am."

This interestingly ties to my previous post! Where I mentioned that Balgeum said the same word in another phrase: "Don't follow me around like a clueless fool. It's fucking embarrassing".

He didn't use any other specific words so I noted how vague it was, and I wonder if he was trying to tell Inho he was shameful for clinging to him but that's actually a word he found to describe his own feelings towards Inho. It doesn't matter whether Balgeum spends his entire life in poverty, debts and hustling as he said he's used to it, but he's ashamed of being with someone, even loving someone while he's so pitiful in his own eyes. A hole in his sock, family in financial ruins, he just doesn't dare to see a carefree happiness for himself, and he punishes and curses himself out for even having hope.

What is also interesting – I'm not sure whether other character names really have meanings or wordplays, but 밝음 means "brightness". Which also feel like a bit of a cruel joke to be named like that and live such tiring and grey life.

I was so confused with the subs here. I can guess what they tried to go for, but Kiseob literally says '아쉬었어', "I feel a bit bad about yesterday =)" It's a word that can be translated to "It's such a shame that... (something happened)", "It's too bad that... (I didn't achieve something)", like you can say it when you tried to buy a ticket but they were all sold out instantly. Or you missed some opportunity and regret it now.

We know Kiseob was talking about something else (I think he wanted to say it's too bad that he and Jinwoo couldn't enjoy making out for longer or something) but it's no wonder Jinwoo got so offended by this, because he thought Kiseob meant he regretted that he even kissed Jinwoo yesterday because the kiss was too bad. Does this sentence even make sense?xD

And that's why he started riling himself up and freaking out that it was all because of his kissing skills.

That's Kiseob's confusion right there after seeing that Jinwoo fled the scene after his comment. He didn't actually call himself a pervert of anything but he wondered what was wrong with his words, were they too much for Jinwoo to run away. I do believe he meant that it was too bad that nothing much happened after that kiss yesterday instead xD

So he apologized via message that it might've been too much and he will be careful from now on. Jinwoo, of course, read that completely differently again. And then Jinwoo angrily tells him not to be so arrogant after just that first kiss (he's not good but he'll be with practice, and Kiseob should not be the judge!). Meanwhile (I think) Kiseob is confused and focuses on the word 'the first kiss', so to him, that might sound like a promise of more to come, therefore he just sends 'okay'? But he also says they didn't really get to talk about their kiss later. I might be confused with the last msg too x)

Miscommunication, BL's beloved.

(if you're curious about the heart and emoji message, it was from the last time, Kiseob sent "I want to give you something as a last gift... can you come out?". And idk why, the message before that says 'Refridgerator', probably also something from 1-2 episodes xD)

"Who are you to evaluate me?" The boy really thinks Kiseob is the alpha expert on love, daring and romance, and he misjudges him himself huh xD

"By the way, you become weak-hearted if someone is hurt". My interpretation of this line – Kiseob talks about how Jinwoo cares about him and his wound anyway, despite all his defenses and rejections. Jinwoo, of course, denies and says it's because Kiseob will be a nuisance when he' gets's hurt.

Just a little nuance – Kiseob asks Jinwoo about everything, he doesn't say it in a mocking factual way at all. "Your schedule is disrupted because you like me, right? And you did that (kissed me) yesterday because you like me, right? Why do you like me?"

He is constantly asking because he doesn't know the difference. He is trying to understand himself through Jinwoo's feelings, so he asks. Asks why people like, how do they like, how does that feeling manifest in real life – because he doesn't know anything, even if he likes Jinwoo, he doesn't know why, he doesn't really realize it himself. He doesn't know why he kissed. He dated but he never experienced the feeling of love. He can't give Jinwoo any honest answers yet. Well, he's honest that he's not sure about anything, but it's not the answer planning-and-unambiguous Jinwoo wants to hear.

Can I just step out of BL show for a lil bit and say that I really liked them?! I think they were adorable together. Too bad polar opposites attracts and Jinwoo needs Kiseob and not the certain copy of himself (who also isn't the prim and perfect as she shows herself).

Anyway! There is one point in Jinwoo's perfect-ideal-type checklist which says 'To have J in the name like in 'JIN-woo''. 진 (jin) can also come from 'truth' so he invented that symbolic connection/condition for a partner. Which is also why Kiseob in the previous episode wanted to change his name to the one that includes J as well, but he choose the name 'Jongji' which had a ridiculous meaning of 'stop'. Again, technically correct but absolutely far from what Jinwoo actually wanted.

Isn't it interesting that, even though he went on a day with his Ideal Type, Jinwoo still enjoyed not the library date or the meaningful messages, but the game arcade time? The one that's supposed to be meaningless and not productive and with the purpose of just having fun? And he kept being distracted by the illusions/thoughts of Kiseob?:D Yeeeah... Maybe your perfect type checklist needs some revisions, Jinwoo.

About the side couple – I was right! They will go to three dates because Balgeum gave in. He even will sacrifice his never-ending-worktime for that. Hehe. He also says 'I have to become rich' with determination which in my mind, connecting to his 'I'd rather die than look so embarrassing to Inho' means that he now has a new goal. To... I guess, work even HARDER to be able to have a chance dating Inho. Will they even work out right now? No one knows, but it's obvious they both are willing to give it a second chance.

And the last bit – it's pretty obvious, but Hyejin actually shouts 'You fucking bastard!!!', which is so hilarious.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS I ADORE YOUR WRITING!!!

“I need you, why do you always leave me?” With Narinder from Cotl with a reincarnated mortal s/o who always dies young? I’m such a sucker for this kind of troupe oh my lawd

Thank you so much and have a wonderful day/night!

Ong this trope is so good it hurts </3

Request more angst/horror prompts here!

.......

"Lamb, you must perform the resurrection ritual again."

"Narinder, it's barely been two days.." With a weary sigh, the sheep closed their gospel book, already becoming irritated with their former master's blunt request. "I may have taken your role as death, but even I have my limits. I can't just do that ritual whenev-"

"I had to bury my spouse yet again."

".....oh." A small pit in formed in their stomach, knowing exactly who he was talking about. "Again? What happened this time?"

"Some fool thought it would be funny to dare [y/n] to eat a deadly dish...and they accepted it, only to die puking their guts out." Narinder huffed, although deep inside it killed him to know that your death this time around was entirely avoidable.

He never thought he'd ever care for a mortal..much less one of Lamb's first followers, who somehow kept dying young and became the first one they resurrected.

Your existence has become a never-ending cycle of death and rebirth, and he wondered when they'll finally accept that you're simply not meant to live a prolonged life.

However, now that he himself was in the cult and wedded to you...he saw things differently. From a new perspective.

After you died once right before his very eyes--and not through the Red Crown--he suddenly understood that same grief Lamb endured ugh after they killed one of their spouses, who became mind-controlled by Shamura.

He thought of them as weak.

But not anymore.

Not when it became his turn to suffer in a similar fashion, counting the hours (or days, even) until Lamb could resurrect you.

He lost count of how many times you've died since then, although he knows you aren't trying to kill yourself on purpose. You were very "accident-prone" and sometimes did stupid things that you shouldn't have---such as accepting a dare to eat a "deadly dish" stew.

You might've been a fool for that, but he still loved you.

Unfortunately, not even the golden skull necklace Lamb gifted you provided any protection from death....besides old age, of course.

At least Narinder knew you'd never pass away naturally, but knowing it couldn't spare you from other causes didn't make him feel any better.

"Fine..I will do the resurrection at dawn." Lamb finally caved, understanding how much you truly meant to him. "But you must talk to [y/n] about this. With each rebirth, they slowly forget more and more of their past lives."

"....is that so?" The black feline raised an eyebrow, surprised.

This was new information to him--although he never exactly had the chance to revive somebody over and over, except for his former vessel whenever they foolishly perished during a crusade.

But they were very different.

They were nigh-immortal...you weren't.

"First they forgot how they previously died, then they forgot which shelter they slept it, and then they forgot how to cook their favorite meal...you see where I'm going with this?"

He didn't speak, afraid that his former vessel was correct. But it's not something he wanted to think about at all...even though it's certainly possible.

Suddenly he was beginning to realize the repercussions of the same doctrine that got him exiled over a millennia ago..

"I can't watch over them all the time..as their spouse you're gonna have to step it up, or else...they might-"

"Just do the ritual, please.."

Lamb's ears flicked up with surprise, never expecting Narinder to grovel at their podium. The only other time he acted this way was when he begged them to kill him instead of sparing his life, although it didn't do him much good as they chose mercy.

But this time, they felt a bit of pity for him.

He must truly care about you.

They simply nodded. "I will need more bones."

.........

You found yourself back in a familiar place:

Floating over a glowing red sigil, followers in hoods kneeling all around you, Lamb's eyes glowing with a powerful energy....and you expelling ichor from your body in a rather disgusting display.

You never did get used to puking out this black magical goop.

But once you landed on the floorboards of the temple, you sighed in relief, wiping your mouth on your sleeve before gazing at everyone surrounding you.

"So...what have I missed?"

A few of them uncovered their hoods and greeted you, happy to see you return to the land of the living. Others kept their distance, looking rather annoyed that Lamb decided to resurrect you for the umpteenth time.

One, however, stood there motionless, refusing to remove his own hood.

You looked to him, watching as he approached you, being unsure of his intentions. Although judging from the way other followers hastily moved out of his way...this person must have held great influence over them.

The fact that he had three glowing red eyes was most alluring.

Have you met him before?

Before you could ask him who he was, he suddenly grabbed you by the wrist. "H-Hey! Ouch!" You winced, feeling his claws slightly digging into you as he began dragging you out of the temple.

"Where are you taking me??"

"....stop talking."

His voice was low and quiet, and also....sad?

You were immensely confused by this mystery follower's behavior, especially as he led you to his hut--one that was more decorative than the standard shelters on the other side of the cult grounds.

While you remained silent, you couldn't help being bedazzled by the outside of it, although you didn't have time to really get a good look around the inside.

Because the next thing you knew...

You were pushed onto the bed, with him crawling onto it and laying beside you. Then he uncovered his hood, two long cat ears flicking upwards as his eyes met yours for a brief moment.

And in that split second, you swore they were filled to the brim with tears.

You blinked, afraid to speak considering how angry he sounded just moments ago, but you were even more perplexed when he flopped onto your chest. From his throat, a purring sound rumbled, and you could feel it throughout your entire body....and in your very soul.

"Please..don't do this to me..." His ears flattened.

"Do....what?" Reaching down, you awkwardly placed a hand on his head, slowly petting his fur and hoping it provided him some comfort. "I don't know what's wrong, but..I hope this is okay."

Your uncertain tone only further devastated Narinder. This was exactly how you'd comfort him after his nightmares. He only ever allowed you to see him in such moments of vulnerability, so you never needed to ask for his permission. You would simply do it.

Had you forgotten that, too?

Was that damned Lamb right after all?

Were you forgetting.....him?

"I need you, why do you always leave me?" He mumbled, heartbroken as the tears slid down his cheeks, droplets splattering onto the symbol adorning your ragged shirt. "With each new life, I-I'm...losing more and more of you, [y/n]. I don't know if you are cursed or if it's fate deciding to test me....o-or maybe Lamb's followers wish to see me suffer....but...I'm so tired of watching you die and being unable to do anything about it. I've taken you for granted.."

"................."

".....forget it. You don't even know what day of the week it is..why do I bother trying?" With a sniffle, he reluctantly removed himself from your arms, believing he blew his last chance to save your memories..

Now you were acting like a total stranger to him, and it honestly felt as though you had already died before you even left the temple.

Maybe this was a sign that he needed to stop and move on.

Maybe he simply wasn't destined for love.

Maybe this was karma for all the atrocities committed in his name.

Maybe the next time you perished, no matter the reason, he'll-

"It's easy to forget things like that, Nari...but how could I ever forget the love of my life?"

Blinking through his tears, Narinder felt his breath hitch when your hand gently grasped his own. He looked back at you with astonishment, before glancing down at the matching rings that still adorned your fingers.

Then he gazed into your eyes, seeing your smile.

"You..remember me?"

"Of course I do, you silly kit---woah!!" You were suddenly tackled back onto the bed by your husband, feeling him nuzzling up to you and purring even louder than before.

But you simply giggled and held him closely, petting his fur in a comforting way. "I'm sorry for scaring you...it takes a while for all my memories to come back. D-Did I do anything dumb last time?"

"Just...promise me you'll never accept a dare from anybody again." He huffed, trying to hide the fact he was still sniveling like a helpless kitten.

"Alright." You sighed. "I promise to be more careful. I'll try harder to watch my back, too."

"Do you swear it?"

"...I swear it."

"Good."

[justfangirlstuffs]

A Saltwater Room

Part 3 featuring @scarredlove's Sea Slug AU boys. :D

Part 1 here, Part 2 here.

Wordcount: 2055

As you slept you had strange dreams. Dreams of being underwater yet somehow able to breathe. Dreams of hands gently cradling you and bright eyes peering at you through the darkness, dreams of being wrapped up in warmth and softness. And any time you felt scared, soft gentle words of comfort were murmured into your ears, allowing you to sink further and further into restful slumber.

Sunlight pressed against your eyelids and you groaned. You didn't want to wake up. You just wanted to stay wrapped up in the warmth of your bed sheets... except... how was the sunlight getting in? Didn't you close the curtains? Something shifted against you, and you very quickly realized you were not alone. And you were not in bed, and these were not your bed sheets.

Blinking your eyes into focus, you found yourself wrapped up in curtains and folds of reds and blues and golds. You were laying atop the yellow sea creature, their arms wrapped around your middle, while the blue one was loosely draped over your legs in a way that didn't hurt but kept you effectively pinned you in place. No wonder you were so warm; now that you were awake you could feel the soft hum of their bodies. They appeared to be fast asleep.

Taking in your surroundings you found yourself in a different sea cave. Much larger than the one you'd fallen asleep in. You were currently resting on a sandy shore that lead to the opening of the cave that had two wide arches looking out into endless ocean. Small waves gently lapped over the sand, trying their best to reach you but lacking the strength or motivation to get very far. Big mood, honestly.

Overhead, a large, jagged hole served as a skylight, letting the sunshine in but still keeping most of the cave in shade. A few large rocks sat in the center, probably perfect spots for sunbathing during certain times of the day. As your eyes roamed, you noticed a part of the cave seemed to go deeper, but you couldn't see too far in before it melded into blackness. Still, you couldn't help but be nervous that something might emerge from those shadows.

It then dawned on you that you were far too calm for this situation. You could feel your panic, your fears and anxiety, but it was like there was a layer of... something separating you from it, not allowing it to reach up and pulled you under. Or... maybe you were just so overstimulated from yesterday you just didn't have the energy to have another attack. Regardless, it was time to address the two sea creatures in the room with you.

“Um... hello?” You lightly nudged against them, trying to get them to wake up so you could have some freedom of movement.

They both stirred, the blue one arching their back as they stretched. Seeing you awake, they slithered off of you. The yellow one waited until you were fully sitting up in your bed of sand before also putting some respectable distance. Huh... okay... so far this was a lot... tamer than your first encounter with either of them.

“Good morning. How are you feeling?” the yellow one asked, rubbing their hands fretfully. “When Moon brought you here, I was worried he might've been too late. You were so cold, I thought-”

“Moon?” you repeated, rubbing your head. Your eyes widened. “Wait... as in... Sun and Moon?”

Moon immediately perked up. “You remember us?”

Glancing between the pair of them, it suddenly clicked. No wonder they seemed so familiar and yet so unrecognizable. Because the last time you'd seen them, they were tiny slugs living in your aquarium, small enough to fit in your hand.

“But... you were...” You pointed to your hand. “And now you're...” You gestured vaguely at them.

“Mm, I suppose we do look a bit different,” Sun mused. “Though, to be fair, in such a small space we weren't able to really... stretch our legs, so to speak.”

A bit different. Understatement of the century if there ever was one. Still... you couldn't believe that they were actually here. You thought you'd lost them forever years ago. Your family had been getting ready to move, and you were taking one last stroll with them, in the little aquatic carrying case you had made so you could take them with you whenever you had to leave the house. If they wanted to, of course.

However, your jerk of a cousin stole them from you and you'd chased him, trying to get them back. Then the idiot dropped them into the river that opened out into the ocean. You tried so hard to save them. You cut your hands and knees open on rocks trying to get to them in time, but the ocean stole them away, along with your blood and the tears you cried. You remember being so distraught that you had sulked for weeks afterwards. You'd lost your three best friends, yet no one seemed to understand how much they meant to you. When your parents offer to get you new slugs, you had refused, because how could you possibly replace them?

“Have you been here this whole time?” you asked them.

“Mm, here and there,” Sun answered vaguely. He reached forward and gave you a small boop on the noise. “Looking for you.”

“Waiting for you,” Moon added, his hands worrying the front ruffles of his robes. “Sorry for scaring you. Just... missed you.”

“I might have been a little... hasty as well,” Sun admitted, fingers toying with one of his rays. “I was just so happy. I apologize.”

They... had been looking for you all this time? All these years? What had they been getting up to? Had they gotten lonely? It must have been so scary for them, for their world to explode in such an abrupt and unexpected manner. But at least it seemed like they'd been able to adapt in a way that helped them to survive. Plus, the fact that they were apologizing for their behavior, however well-intentioned it was, really meant a lot.

“So, wait, if you two are here, then where is...” The sentence died in your throat as the pair's eyes widened and a large shadow suddenly loomed over you.

Turning around, your heart leapt up into your throat, clogging up any words you might have said. If these really were your Sun and Moon, then there was no doubt who this could be. Eclipse was so very tall. Taller than the other two. His robes were a deep midnight black laced with gold, adorned with bright yellow polka dots that gleamed with light. Like Sun, he had a halo of appendages around his face that were reminiscent of rays, only more elaborate. Golden yellow eyes shined down at you, his expression unreadable.

Wordlessly he knelt down, one of his large hands reaching out to gently stroke your hair. “Are you all right?” His voice was a gentle rumble, like distant thunder.

“Y-yeah,” you mumbled. “I think so.”

“Good,” he said. Then both of his hands were gripping your face, not harshly, but enough to get your attention as his face suddenly twisted in anger. “What the hell were you thinking?” Suddenly the thunder was not so distant anymore. “Wandering the beach after dark! Are you looking to get eaten?”

The unexpected admonishment cut you deeply and tears sprang up in your eyes. “Why are you yelling at me?” you squeaked.

Eclipse let you go looking panicked, clearly not having expected you to outright cry in the face of his ire.

“Nice going, idiot!” Moon chided, smacking Eclipse on the back of the head.

“I agree,” Sun muttered looking soured as well.

“Shut up! It's both of your faults they nearly died to begin with!” Then, to your amazement, Eclipse scruffed them both with each hand and threw them hand over hand into the water where they splashed, spraying droplets everywhere.

Moon make a few splashes and gargling sounds before playing dead, whilst Sun went full on theatrical mode. “Oh no! Whatever will I do? I need a beautiful strong pearl to save me from this dreadful predicament.” He glanced at you and winked.

A small snort left you, chased by a few giggles. You wiped the stray tears away with the back of your hand. Eclipse lightly touched your shoulder and you winced on reflex. His hand withdrew, his expression sullen but penitent.

“Sorry about that, Angelfish. I got carried away,” he muttered. “When those two brought you here, you were frozen, and your breathing was so slow.”

Shoot... had you really been that in danger of exposure? You gave a small shiver. “I don't do well with yelling,” you told him frankly. “But... it's nice that you cared, Eclipse.”

The use of his name got a reaction, as several of the colorful appendages around his face twitched as a smile spread over his visage. By this point, Sun and Moon were over their theatrics and had come back ashore to rejoin you. Though you noticed they were continuing to keep their distance, even though their expressions and the way they seemed to almost unconsciously gravitate towards you spoke volumes as to how much restraint they were exercising.

“Clip likes to act big and scary, but really he's the biggest softy of all of us,” Sun remarked with a wide grin.

“He's softer than a jellyfish,” Moon teased, poking at Eclipse's side. The latter gave a playful swipe at Moon who ducked away with a soft cackle.

The sight brought a grin to your face, warming your insides. The familiar way they acted, the way they teased and ribbed each other... they really were family. Even though Eclipse tried to act bothered, you were almost certain there was a fondness behind the irritation he was sporting. Gaud... seeing them all here stirred up so many memories, and your head felt so abuzz it was overwhelming. What was once so far off and distance now felt fresh and vivid as though just yesterday you'd been in your bedroom chatting happily away with them.

Suddenly, you were overwhelmed with the strongest urge to hug them, to hold them in a way you couldn't before. And yet... so much time had passed between then and now. You were different, and they were very different. Was it really okay for you to just... pick up where you last left off? Especially when you didn't know them anymore, not like this anyway. But... it would be so nice to have friends again. To have someone in your corner.

“So, what-” you began, however you were cut off as your stomach gave a monstrous growl that seemed to echo through the cave. The three of them stared at you and you were so embarrassed you wanted to hide your face in your hands.

“You're hungry,” Eclipse remarked. Not a question.

“I guess I shouldn't have skipped dinner,” you mumbled, rubbing your stomach.

“You WHAT?” he demanded. However, when you winced at his tone he clenched his fist and released a long heavy sigh. “Let's get you home.”

“Wait, but...” You glanced between the three of them. You still had so many questions.

“Go home, eat and rest,” Eclipse instructed firmly. He extended a hand, and you shyly took it. It was so large compared to your own, but it was soft, warm, and kind. He easily pulled you up onto your feet. “We can talk more later, once you've had time to...” He trailed off, as though searching for the right words.

“Process?” you supplied.

“Yes, that.” He pulled you closer, until you were only a breath apart from him. Your cheeks flushed at the proximity. “All you have to do is call for us, and we'll come find you.” He leaned down pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Warmth bloomed from the spot as your heart thrummed in response. Then suddenly you started to feel very sleepy. You slumped against him, and his arms cradling you was the last sensation you felt before you passed out.

[sepublic]

I can't remember if I've already said it, I don't think I have... But I can see the parallels to Bill and King, with the first and most obvious ones being their appearances; Specifically, Bill's 'costume' and King's natural look. They're both pretenders that way, Bill intentionally, while King was accidental when it came to his past.

They're scrawny little guys with delusions of grandeur, and they rely a lot on the bigger, taller people around them to help out; Such as Tarak and the other Titan Trappers, but even the Archivists. Likewise, King in S1 often had to resort to calling upon Luz or Eda to destroy his enemies for him.

And indeed, that obsession with destroying others to prove their strength is there; But Bill took it genuinely seriously, and because of that is a factor into King being an orphan, the last of his kind. But most of it can be attributed to the Archivists, whom I theorize made Bill immortal, which is why he's still alive even after all these years.

There's their relationships with one Archivist in particular, the Collector: Bill's is insincere and remote, he's using the kid for his own purposes not unlike Belos with the Titan, and also like Belos period. King doesn't do that, but had he met the Collector a lot earlier, he could've! He very well could've. The Collector even mentions Bill as one of the people they felt used and betrayed by, and they mistook King for another in their paranoia and cycle of being hurt.

And what intrigues me is that based on the murals we see, there might've been a giant Titan Trapper that helped the Archivists kill the Titans; Of course, this could be more of a visual metaphor for the group as a whole. But a part of me wonders if this was meant to be Bill in his youth, and that's why Tarak holds him in such high regard. Obviously he's a puny wimp now, but considering it's been probably millions of years since those times, Bill is technically looking great for his prehistoric age.

I can see the parallels between this and the stylized depictions of King's 'original' form as the King of Demons. They're both giant monsters who slay their enemies and have followers, although by the present-day Bill's an actual example of someone past his prime; All of the other Trappers are presumably descendants, because they've never seen a living Titan themselves.

This makes Bill the last of his generation, his 'kind' in a sense; And so is King. Because of Bill and the Archivists; Likewise, Bill can only be the last survivor because of the Archivists, per my speculations. Him, the Collector, and King had their worlds rocked by the Archivists in different ways, as I wonder if Bill wasn't even able to successfully hunt Titans until his 'Grand Huntsmen' came along.

But now he's ruling over people who can only dream of that fame, and King ruled over toys and plushes and the like. The Titan Trappers are fake; They wear fake costumes, they call themselves that despite only one having actually had that experience, it's a delusional dream. And King was also fake, a kid who misunderstood the world around him and was admittedly encouraged to by his mother. Of course, the way Eda feeds into King's dreams is different than how Bill does his younger Trappers.

I dunno; Maybe the Archivists are the older, powerful, magical beings like Eda; Bill and King, as I've explained; And the Collector and Luz, who have their own magic. But Bill's relationship with the Collector is so parasitic and insincere, whereas King looks up to Luz as his big sister and his worst lies to her have been merely kiddish (because he's a kid).

Makes it all the more fitting that King and Bill have a pseudo-confrontation in the finale... Maybe not exactly, because it's ambiguous as to how conscious Bill actually was in his puppet state. You can't help but wonder what happened to Bill and the other Trappers; If him and Tarak were turned into puppets, they must've either arrived at the isles during the two-month time skip, or the Collector's spies scoured the entire planet.

I wonder if the Collector recognizes Bill pre-imprisonment? If he worked with the Archivists, they might've seen him... If they didn't then, they did when Bill needed a new Archivist after the adults ditched him. Oh to see that scene of Bill trying to take his 'rightful place' next to the Collector, only to see an actual Titan there, and King has all the power to destroy this dude. But after all of his self-reflection, and not wanting to enable this behavior from a kid he's trying to make reasonable, King just settles for "These guys make me uncomfortable, puppet them" and that's it.

But afterwards... Did the Collector free them too? And the Titan Trappers were sentenced to community service like Kikimora? Did everyone agree to turn a blind eye to Bill at least, and he's trapped as a puppet somewhere in the depths of the Archives, or somewhere else, to be forgotten forever...

Okay that last bit sounds too dark for the protagonists and the lessons they're trying to impart to the Collector but man. To be a broken record, I have to wonder if we would've gotten more conflict and a proper resolution between King and Bill. To see him realize from the nightmare sequence or something else that Bill contributed towards and probably killed some of King’s older siblings, the ones he mourned and wanted so badly as well!!! To have King WEH Bill in the face and destroy his mask; Maybe it’s a second death for that one sibling of King’s, but like their dad (augh) it at least keeps their body from being desecrated and misused any further, and exposes Bill for the liar he is!!!

[exo-raskreia]

Gojo & the Angel Number 3612

WARNING: DELULU IDEAS

This edited image from the 11hr Shounen Jump lofi video may have more meaning than I originally thought, at least according to some translations from the Google Translate mobile app.

In this delulu post, I had briefly theorized the image could hint that both women will help in Gojo's revival, as it's like he's headed north towards them. Shoko is farther back, which after 261, could indicate her role is done (her & Yuuta healed his body). Since Utahime is at the center, it could mean she will be the key to guide Gojo's soul back.

I've wondered if there could be any more potential interpretations of this image & what I discovered actually feeds further into my delulu...

According to the mobile app, the words "trust & truth" are directly behind Gojo.

This could imply how much Gojo trusts Utahime (and vice-versa). I wonder what "truth" could mean here. The word "reality" is another translation that pops up; if this is more accurate, then could we see it as Utahime will guide Gojo back to reality, if he's not actually dead but in a state of limbo? The full word is mostly blocked by Gojo here, so I wanted to verify if these are what it really it says.

In this image with Ijichi, who's in the same location, we can see the full text. After "trust," it says either "track record" on the app, or "achievements" on the website, depending which you use.

We know Ijichi is the man Gojo trusts the most. I wonder what the other words mean. In regards to Ijichi, is it that he always achieves what Gojo makes him do? lol

In regards to Utahime, it almost seems like the kanji for "truth" was isolated so it would stand out. Wonder if it was intentional...

Next to Gojo's blindfold is seemingly the number 3612.

(This is once I selected the highlighted text to translate separately on the GojoHime image. For some reason, the number doesn't even get detected on the Ijichi image? I tried at least one other translator & got the same number).

According to Angel Number numerology, 3612 means "a sign of improvement." In this article, it elaborates on how one should fill their lives with love to have a positive impact on others' lives, & in turn, inspiring them to do the same. Sounds a lot like what Gojo strived for, right?

(I will summarize most of it with a few images).

• It tells one to seek clarity to overcome challenges & live a peaceful life.

• It tells one is about to go on a spiritual journey to reach enlightenment.

Like, seriously?! Hello?!

• If you're single, you will find love as you already know exactly what kind of person you're looking for. If you're already in a relationship, it's a sign that you're ready to commit, as you already know that person well enough to know you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

If Gojo hasn't already realized it, Utahime is the one for him 😌. He's pointing at her here, after all (341, guys? The Yagasuri pattern? 😏)... If we go with the headcanon that they could've been in a secret relationship this whole time, then Gojo might've proposed to her during the time-skip, got married already, or will do so after his return... 🤪

• It's a sign to go achieve your dreams, to believe in yourself & capabilities.

Gojo never gave up on his dreams. He did everything he could to raise stronger allies, to help his students in the battle against Sukuna. So no, Gojo did not intend to die as he said so himself in 261 to Yuuta. Gojo should return to see his dreams through.

• It's a sign to never let anyone stop you from growing & improving. Surround yourself with like-minded people.

Gojo shouldn't let this loss stop him from achieving his dreams & goals. He should see this through to the end. He will choose the path to do it.

• The breakdown of the numbers basically describes Gojo & what he should do?? 🫢

In particular, the meaning of the number 1 gives hope that things will be different & better for Gojo.

The number 2 is encouraging Gojo to let others help him, to not work alone; we've seen him ask for favors from his fellow colleagues, such as Utahime before. However, he didn't want his students to help carry his burden of becoming a "monster", which is understandable; and yet, they wanted to be there for him.

The number 612 could indicate Gojo will get support & encouragement (you know, like slaps on the back?) from his dead comrades at the airport before he departs towards his awaiting comrades in the living world?

The number 12 gives the hope that once revived, Gojo would have a new perspective, a new outlook that will allow him to finally break that barrier between himself & others, to better connect with them. He will no longer feel so isolated nor misunderstood.

• In general, 3612 comes down to not giving up & you will find success. Gojo will have to make that choice to return, to do what he had set out to do in the first place. He can't give up now, can't settle for the airport when his living comrades are still in danger. He wanted to see his dreams come true & as of right now, they have not been achieved (unless Gege intends to write a tragic story with no payoff 😑).

• I've looked up the only other legible text in the image, NVFG, but the only thing I found is that it's some kind of surgical procedure to reconstruct bones in certain parts of the body? Like legs & neck? Something like that (the medical terminology is so confusing, lol, so take this with a grain of salt). Which, ironically, kinda fits with what happened to Gojo? His neck was intact though; his head remained attached to his body, indicating that his RCT was not compromised...

• The word "trust" & this number being placed in between GojoHime here is interesting. Are they trying to hint at us that Utahime still has a role to play? That she may do something to help Gojo reach enlightenment? Like in this theory? Whether it was deliberate or not, it's still fun to headcanon.

I'm not sure how accurate what I got is anyway; the number could just be a mistranslation. If it's completely wrong, then man, what an eerie coincidence...

If any of you have better luck translating the remaining text in the image (like the text right above Utahime), or even make more sense of the translations here, let me know! Not to mention, is the background in this image present anywhere in the manga? If so, any ideas on what the building is? If anyone finds anything on it, let me know!

Don't know if Gege actually believes in this stuff nor if it was even intentional, but he has shown to be quite the number nerd... Once again, this is just an observation based on my research & it really feeds into my delulu.

[limey-writes]

Hi! I hope you’re accepting imagine ideas, if not that’s cool. If you are I’ve kind of been wondering: how do you think the different yandere mercs would react to learning their counterpart/rival also was yandere for their darling? Ex:, medic is yandere for y/n but soon learns that heavy is yandere for them also. Same goes with rivals like sniper and spy + demo and soldier, stuff like that. I could imagine most would try to get the other merc out of the picture but some may try to work something out. Thanks and have a good day :)

Ooooo that's pretty interesting, I can totally mess with that yeh tw: Yandere themes, maybe some blood, you know how it be and how it do (: Imma do your sniper/spy and demo/solly, since thats a fun dynamic too lol ~~~

Sniper and Spy have been always at each other's throats, but when it came down to meeting someone new who seemed to really catch their attention. They were left to constantly bicker and fight around each other even when you'd be there, it would be slight jabs at each other or ending up beating the ever living christ out of each other until the other finally leaves the two of you be. Sniper would go on and try to hijack anything you would be doing with Spy, whether it would be getting you to come with him in places that would be far away from where Spy might have some wandering eyes. Sniper is whispering sweet nothings into your ear, tempting you with everything you could ever want while he's trying to make sure that nothing would be better than spending nights with him in his camper rather than cooped up with some old smoking rat, right? Spy on the other hand was always trying to gift you things you've had your eye on for a while, showing you different things that he knows would absolutely make you want them. Whether it be jewelry, fancy clothes, items, hell he'd go as far to buy you a new sleek car if you really wanted it. Spy is a gifting man, and if that doesn't keep you away from Sniper, how about a trip to France? Or Spain? Anywhere that would be far enough from the bastard of a bushman just to earn your attention. He knows better than to outright tell you that Sniper was not good enough, besides, he doesn't have to tell you that he's gross, why not show you? After all, what are these totally not doctored pictures doing that he found laying around with Sniper with someone else? How odd. ~~~ Demo and Soldier were always close, spending time together and doing everything together, you'd think that when you came into their lives that they'd actually cooperate and see if they could possibly keep you in both of their lives...which worked for a while. Except Demo was a little hesitant and nervous to let you be by yourself with Soldier, and Soldier was not wanting to spend a minute apart from you. So it's basically Demo playing babysitter and Solly getting to bring you with him on the most dangerous kinda thing he's ever thought of doing. You can imagine the kind of heart attack that Demo had when he saw you and Soldier flying through the air like two proud american eagles. (Soldier's exact words after Demo had to tend to any scratch you might've gotten on the way down, which is nothing but he cant help but be worried.) Soldier follows you wherever you go, to the store? Yup. On a walk? Holding your hand, watching your six. Going to take a nap? Not without him in the room to protect from anyone waking you up, which is usually him yelling at someone to go away and not bother you. Soldier adores you to the moon and back and even more, which means you can do no wrong in his eyes, no matter what you do he's rooting you on and on your side at all times. Which means if anyone ever tells you no, wrongs you, or makes you frown, you bet your ass that their neck is being snapped in an instant. Soldier plays no games and neither does Demo, so they can always be found tag teaming by brainstorming ways that they can make sure some asshole who said something behind your back disappears for the rest of their days. They'd never tell you what happened though, even asking Solly would give you an odd answer that would probably never make sense, but why care about some random person? You have them after all!

[romanoffsbish]

How to Mend What’s Broken

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Prompt

"I feel your absence in everything that I do alone, in every place I go without you."

Warnings: Angst; Breakup, Jealous Nat.

This is the first of many ghost posts, I’m queuing up my requested blurbs/fics as I finish them, but I won’t really be here.

She'd thought you were bluffing, that this year long mission would be like any of the others, and that when she came home with flowers and chocolates that you'd just happily embrace her. That wasn't the case though, she came back to find you'd not only moved out of your shared apartment, but that you apparently moved on. Hearing it through her family, the one you now shared after half a decade together was hard, but actually seeing it was truly devastating.

—————-

—————-

"Nat, if you go on the mission, then I'm gone.," the words replay in her fractured mind, on a continuous loop as she's forced to watch you dancing with another at Tony's New Year's party—it wasn't right, she felt nauseous seeing the way her hands sat on your hips, pulling you in for a kiss, and the worst part being the way you beamed back at her, pushing her fallen hair behind her ear, the same way you did hers.

Natasha could feel the bile rising up her throat, she couldn't stomach the sight of you two so happy together. Shifting on her feet she faced the bar again, chasing the obnoxious burning in her throat down with a different kind. She could hear you giggle from across the room, and in turn the next shot was thrown back. Every time she saw her hands on you flash in her mind another shot was taken, her high tolerance aside, the woman smelled like a distillery, and truly needed to be stopped.

"Sestra, slow down.," Yelena hissed, yanking the shot glass from her sister's hand, sending her a warning glare as she tried to grab it back., "Natasha, you made your choice, live with it.," The redheads shoulders deflated instantly at her words, because they were the ugly truth.

Months—you gave her so many of them to get it together, to finally put you first for once, but she continuously failed to do so, leaving you behind for those fleeting rushes of adrenaline, but that high she so desperately craved wasn't the same when she didn't have your arms to crash into after she finally returned home.

No, instead of welcome home cuddles, and whispers of 'I love you' between steamy kisses she's met with cold sheets, and nightmares. The kind that shows her how bleak her future is going to be without the love you two had fostered, she shakes her head as the aforementioned images began to flood her inebriated mind again., "It wasn't worth it."

Yelena clapped her sister on the shoulder, a smile riddled with pity sent her way., "Da, tupitsa, nakonets ty ponyal, teper' ispravlyay.," the redhead glared at her unbothered sister., "Good luck Natasha, you better succeed. I want my future sister in law back like yesterday."

(Yes dumbass, finally you understand, now fix it.)

Natasha didn't know how, or when, but she knew she'd get you back, because in the grand scheme of it all, you're definitely her soulmate. Part of her wondered if tonight might be the time, since she could feel your intense stare from a mile away, her heart even fluttered a bit at the premature hope it was filling up with.

It wasn't fair to your girlfriend, Clara, but you couldn't remove your gaze from your first love. The clueless girl was clinging to you, her head laying over your chest, and you hoped she didn't hear the skip in your heartbeat every time you got to see the other woman's face.

Natasha looked stunning in the black dress that clung to her every curve, the swell of her breasts visible to the naked eye due to the surprisingly low cut of the fabric. Part of you wondered if she did it on purpose, she had to have known you'd RSVP'd to the party, and as exciting as it is to know it might've been for you, you know she's no longer yours to gawk at.

Still, your eyes managed to linger on her all throughout the night, wandering her body in its entirety. Eventually catching the necklace that you got her for your second anniversary. Your fingers ghosted over the imprint of yours through your dress, causing your heart to ache, and for you to run off the dance floor as if you were Cinderella herself and the dreaded clock was about to strike midnight—which it was.

Natasha watched you run off the floor and onto the balcony, your hand clutching at your chest, and the other covering your mouth. To most you looked like you were going to be sick, but she knew you were trying to hold back the tears to keep your tough front up. She wasted no time running after you either, the door had barely shut before she was bursting through it, and catching the way your body shook with sobs, an ache consumed her as she watched all the pain she'd caused you come flooding right on out of you. It was painfully humbling...

"Natasha...," you went to tell her to leave, even if that's the opposite of what you wanted, you knew you needed her to go, because just one smile would be enough for you to crumble, and you didn't want that again. To be putty in her deceitful little hands, the ones that loved you so well on the sparingly good days, and left you craving so much more on the bulk of the rest., "I need you to...," the redhead however had other plans, ignoring you, and desperately blurting out a truth of her very own.

"I feel your absence in everything that I do alone, in every place I go without you.," her voice was not but a whisper as she moved to cage your trembling body in between hers, and the balconies metal rail., "I love you so much Y/N—my precious little dove."

"Natasha, please.," your hands gripped the rail even tighter as you pleaded for her to stop, to walk away like she always does; to let you go., "Tell me to stop, to go," she pressed her lips to the nape of your neck., "I- I can't.," a tear left your eye as you shamefully crumbled at the simplest of affections. How could you not? Natasha's touch had the power to set your body alight with need, no one else could compare, and deep down you were content with that.

Without giving you room to slip away she was able to turn you to face her, a soft smile on her face., "But God, Nat, I desperately want to.," you shakily admitted, causing her face to fall., "because I deserve so much better.," though your voice cracked, the conviction in your eyes was strong, and a ghost of a smirk befell her face as she filled with pride at seeing you fight for yourself so very well., "I'll do better!"

She could see you already registered her words as empty., "Fuck, detka please, I'll do anything you want or need if it means you'll just be mine again.," your brows furrowed at the sight of her being so vulnerable, it wasn't foreign for her to be like this with you, but this public display of it by her surely was. It honestly made you more willing to listen, and maybe take her seriously.

"I-I can't sleep another night without you Y/N, that damn apartment could never be a home without your laughter filling it, and my heart.," she paused, frantically grabbing at your hand so that you could feel the organ's steady thumping beneath your fingertips., "It will never be whole again without yours beating beside it, do you feel that? How hard it's beating against my ribcage? That's all you. Without you it's forever been out of sync."

Silence followed up the Russian's monologue. It consumed the air around the both of you, but it wasn't suffocating, the party was thankfully silenced by the compound's thick panes of glass, and the streets below were just quiet. The world continued to fade away as you stared into her gorgeous, viridescent eyes, and felt her heart beating in sync with your very own. If not for Natasha leaning in you're certain you could've been lost in her gaze for an eternity.

Natasha bit back a sob as the hand on her chest lightly pushed her back, fear of your incoming rejection rising steadily, but then she watched you smile as your hand slid over to the charm. A golden chain with her trademark spider dangling from it, your initials engraved in the bottom of the piece, and the color of your eyes matched the color of the jewel adorning it., "You kept it?," she frowned immediately., "I'd never dream of taking it off, it's a part of me as much as you are Y/N; a testament to our love."

To prove her point she gently tugged on your own chain, pulling the nearly identical charm from where it was hidden beneath your clothes. She smirked at your nervous fiddling while also admiring the piece that mirrored hers, the gem was an emerald, and her thumb ran over the markings that were her own on the bottom., “You kept it?,” she teasingly threw your words back at you causing you to pout., “Well yeah, it was really expensive.,” you groaned playfully, but she saw the way you clutched onto it as she dropped it, safely returning it to beneath your clothing., “Plus, it was all I had left of you.”

“Y/N, you have all of me.,” her thumb lovingly stroked over the apple of your cheek, you melted into the affection with so much ease that the former assassin nearly broke down. You’ve always put your unwavering faith in her, and that’s one of the many reasons she fell for you—hard and fast. The Avengers title, and culmination of her past meant nothing to you. To you she was Natty, with the strong arms, hot smirk, with horrible cooking abilities, and to her you were the definition of everything. Your soft voice pulled her out of her reverie., “Are your sure Nat? Because I can’t go back to being your second choice, I won’t do it.”

“You never were Y/N/N.,” she quietly admits, and before she could try to kiss you again you moved to whisper in her ear., “I’m no cheat Natalia, give me a few minutes, maybe let the Winter chill calm the ants in your pants, hm?,” she rolled her eyes, then smirked as you stared back at her skeptically., “Ants aren’t all I have in these pants by the way.,” she winked, then cackled as you subtly flipped her off before venturing off to find your unfortunate date.

Natasha watched over the city of New York, every second you were gone a spike of panic shot through her. What if the woman isn’t all that understanding? What if she hurts you? Before her mind could make her travel to rescue you the door slid open, she turned on instinct, but also she was feeling a bit hopeful., “Catch me!,” you squealed, running full force at the slightly sobered redhead, she mirrors your excitement as she spins you around though, then she tries to kiss you again in the thrill of the moment, but your finger slips in between your lips and she groans., “What is it now?”

“The countdown.,” you huffed, and she listened closely to hear all the shouting from indoors., “10,9,8…,” she tapped your dangling legs, and you got the message to wrap them around her., “3,2,1… Happy New Year!!!,” your cheers were abruptly brought to a close as Natasha’s lips met yours in a needy way, but you certainly weren’t going to complain, especially not when your ability to have done so was sullied by the tongue that was pretty much down your throat.

The kiss was messy, it’d been 387 days since she’d last been able to kiss you like this, and if you were aware at all you’d better be preparing for a long night, her roaming hands a sign that she isn’t planning on stopping anytime soon. Not that you’d want her to, your body was a squirming mess beneath hers as she’d laid you on a lounging chair, then quickly mounted you. Her lungs burned, but it wasn’t until you had tapped at her shoulder that she retracted with a displeased growl, reluctantly allowing you to breathe while she admired the dishevelment.

“To new beginnings.,” she whispered against your lips with a smirk as you panted wildly. Your eyes squinted as her bright phone screen was brought up to your face, the words slowly coming together as your cognition returned with each gasp of oxygen you inhaled., “Nat?,” your lip wobbled as you read it, and she leaned down to kiss you again, but far more tenderly like your quivering voice told her you needed., “Effective immediately detka; I’m all yours.,”

“No more missions?,” you sought out clarity with a bright smile and nervous stomach, and your beautiful woman beamed down to you, nodding her head while cupping your cheeks. The soft look she gave you warmed your heart, but you were a bit more focused on the way your entire body warmed at her great news., “Please, take me home Natasha.,” her eyes widened when your breathy plea came out, surveying your eyes she could see the lust at the forefront, so she scooped you up, and ran., “Whatever my detka wants, she fucking gets.”

——————————

2,264 Words.

❤️🤖

(Image source)

[jellijin]

love and strawberries .ᐟ

୨ৎ in which you and yujun go on your weekly friend date ! and end up as a little more than friends ... ୨ৎ bestfriend!yujun x fem reader ୨ৎ warnings : a bit of crying, food mentions ୨ৎ wc : 512 ୨ৎ rora's notes : friends to lovers my fav trope hehe ^-^ this was fun to write + this is HEAVILY inspired by this post, go show it some love!! ୨ৎ

10 minutes, you thought to yourself. 10 minutes until yujun comes to pick you up and you're still standing in front of your closet, as if waiting for it to pick an outfit for you.

you and yujun have been going on friendly dates every week for almost a year now, why does this time feel... different? anxiety begins to form in your chest as you rush to get dressed, having to look your best for him. wait, what? since when do you care about how you look, especially around yujun, the guy who makes you feel the most comfortable? you wonder what might've changed, when suddenly, your thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door.

he's here.

you sprint to the door, opening it to see the boy holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers, with rosy cheeks and his signature shy smile. "hi..! are those for me?" you mutter, an equally embarrassed smile on your face. "yeah.. thought you might like them, you know!" his grip on the bouquet grows stronger as the both of you begin walking towards your usual spot, the park where you met for the first time.

you remember it like it was yesterday. how you sat there, crying your eyes out behind a tree after your ex partner dumped you, how yujun rushed to you, offering to buy you ice cream to cheer you up, and how your heart fluttered when he spoke. his voice sounded like one an angel would have, and his face was just as ethereal. you still blush when you think of this day.

yujun lays the picnic blanket on the ground, making sure all the food he prepared was in place before taking a seat next to you. as usual, the two of you began eating and chatting, about everything that happened in your lives from the last time you hung out. you grab a strawberry and eat it, as you feel his hand next to your mouth, wiping away the sweet excess liquid and placing it in his mouth.

you freeze. the thought of an indirect kiss with him makes your cheeks heat up, just as much as your heart. your shy gaze meets his, and you feel as if you could drown in his eyes. their brown color, and the soft gaze of his that makes you feel oh so comforted, so safe. he really is beautiful, you think.

"y/n..?" he breaks the silence, his lips curling up into a small grin. gosh, i wanna kiss you so bad, you think. out loud, unfortunately.

with a gasp, your lips intertwine. his lips are just as soft as you imagined, with a slight taste of vanilla to them. your hands wander around his body, eventually resting on his shoulders, as his hands hold onto your waist. the moment goes on for what feels like hours, until he breaks the kiss, gasping for air. "does that mean you feel the same or..?" you question, cheeks all flushed and a lovesick gaze in your eyes.

"what do you think?"

[nocturnesmoon]

Hello! I've been lurking on your blog for a little bit and I saw your vampire 141 reader and absolutely fell in LOVE, so I was wondering if youre at all able to write a similar prompt but with a Seraph(im) reader :D? If not, have a nice day and I hope you continue writing !!

Hi anon! I can certainly try, i hope this is what you meant by it, if not feel free to shoot in another request and i'd love to make more :)) Takes place in the same universe as this

How much trouble do you think you can get into for asking a few questions?

Just a few simple, seemingly innocent questions.

Apparently quite a lot, if you're the right (wrong) type of creature, born into the right (wrong) celestial plane, and in servitude to the right (wrong) god.

One would think that being among god’s favorites would be a blissful thing. Full of everything good in your servitude of the almighty. A seraph's magnitude of power, should bring glory and easy existence, right? A dream come true for some, more akin to a family nightmare in reality.

A court of angels built for hope and peace, to fight the forces of evil, but what about when the forces of evil are your fallen brothers and sisters? The same people who were once the closest to you, all thrown away the moment they did something they weren't supposed to.

One of those things being the creation of monsters that now live in shadows on the mortal realm. Incredible how one drop of divine intervention could create such interesting creatures, and how incredible it is how quickly humans could turn on them.

Humans, such beautifully contradicting creatures.

You had always loathed them to some extent, a result of your growing care for the named monsters of their world. You had always believed it would be possible for it all to coexist, but all the thinking got you was your other seraphim's voices calling you naive and too young.

You shut your mouth until you couldn't, you held it all back until it blew up in your face.

You had never expected to end up like any of the fallen, you had spent centuries fighting to protect the beloved humanity from evil things they couldn't comprehend. You'd never expect to be falling from the sky, into the earthly planes with your wings broken. All over a few questions that was too much.

When you reached the ground, you wept. The betrayal stung worse than your broken wings, you had been abandoned by the father, your brothers and sisters turned on you the moment you weren't useful. The hierarchy more than likely celebrating your demise if you knew them well enough, sadistic ones they are.

You ended up spending a long long time on earth, you had no way of switching to a different celestial plane, so you had to make do in the mortal world. Your god has abandoned you, yet part of your celestial power still remains.

Why you can't say, but you imagine there's still some use for you in this world. You can't decide whether it’s a relief or more angering. All of you have left is your six wings tied to your back, which two of them are broken, and half your divine power in your hand.

You do all you can think to do with it, seek out the creatures you were so desperately trying to defend. Perhaps they might be the only type to understand your strife, to show you a place in a world where you are everything different.

How wrong you could be.

You quickly start to doubt your own inhibitions, that these creatures might've been reasonable. Some of them could be, but in vicious groups they prove quite the threat even to others of their own species.

Forced on the run, while defending yourself against the creatures you had longed to meet. It wasn't exactly the time of your life you had hoped for. Nor was the group you'd meet soon after.

Going from place to place wasn't all the easy anymore, unable to fly you'd have to do most places on foot, while having to stay out of sight. Changing form with broken wings isn't the easiest thing in the world, so you would have to wait until they had healed up.

The first time they found you was in an open clearing in the forest, close to a pond they had to pass on their route during a mission. The 141 had been on the mission for a few days now, eliminating an important target, and now exhausted they've finally been able to go to the exfil point.

Soap is the first one that sees you, in the middle of the pack he stops up dead in his tracks causing Gaz to almost crash into him. Though before he could spout some kind of insult his way, Soap promptly shut him up by pointing in your direction. The entire group stops in shock as they take in your appearance.

You had placed yourself next to the pond, gently nursing your wings in hopes of them healing better soon. The mortal plane didn't exactly have the same rate of healing as it did in your old home. All you could do was wait, and keep the wing groomed and free of parasites.

Price is the first to realize what you were, the wings etched into your back should be enough of a sign but there are so few of your kind. He had heard about you both from old legends but also from newer times. Tales of fallen seraphim who still wanted to do good, they were often in some kind cooperation with human military, in the pursuit of the more vile monsters that are loose.

He orders his men to stay back as his mind works laps to decide on what to do. You haven't noticed them, he wonders why. He's never met any seraphim in person, but he's heard of their divine abilities, their senses being way beyond the ordinary, he'd thought you'd have an incredible awareness, it's not like they're hidden.

The possibility of you being a threat was still prominent, but something told him he didn't have to worry about that. So, he slowly starts to approach you, catching your attention once he starts speaking to you.

You're very clearly startled by them, upset that you let them sneak up on you even if unintentionally. Being confronted by humans so suddenly, wasn't something you had prepared for, and despite Price's calming voice trying to coax you, you still looked like a terrified sheep. A far cry from the warrior you could've been, had been.

Ghost watches with intent, thinking back to the one time he saw a seraph when he was a kid. It was an encounter nobody ever believed when he would tell the story, but to him it was very real. Your own existence in front of them only confirmed it.

While Price slowly coaxes you into a more receptible and relaxed state, Ghost informs the two sergeants on what type of being you were. Not many knew of the Seraphim's existence, especially the fallen ones that now roamed on earth. Normally they were all very hidden, taking on different forms and only showing their wings and glowing eyes when they needed to call on divine power.

You're not really sure why Price's wording works, but he manages to assure you that they don't mean you any harm. They all come up to you, questioning you, taking a look at your broken wing. You thought you'd hate the touch of a human, but you find it warm when Gaz gently holds your broken wing and assesses what could be done with it.

Soap is crouched in front of you, asking you insane questions about your background that you're reluctant to answer. All the while Price and Ghost stand a few meters away, discussing what to do with you and the mission. They hadn't expected to find anyone out here, but in your injured and confused state, they can't find it in their hearts to just leave you there.

You're confused with yourself, why you let them fuss over you, why you let them close, but you're even more upset at yourself for letting them take you with them. You should be angry at your own instincts for letting yourself be so easily coaxed into going with them. The promise of bettering your wing was an all too appealing prospect.

Ghost and Soap do the teamwork of helping you up, your exhausted state making them insist that you lean onto them. Price is much more practical on his questioning, a lot gentler in his tone as well. He sticks to the specifics, leaving your past to yourself and getting the information out of you that was needed now. You notice the way they glance at each other once you confirm you have nowhere to go.

They take you with them back to an exfil point, and then further back to a base they normally reside at. You're given quite a few stares as you walk between the four of them, and despite their stern glares and quips to get others to look away, it doesn't help much.

They get you inside and split up, Price going to file paperwork of both the mission and their new arrival. Sneakily filing you away as a kind of stray they picked up and intend to keep for the benefit of the mission. The easiest way to avoid any unwanted interventions from the higher ups at least for now while you get used to it all and they get more information out of you.

Meanwhile Ghost, Gaz and Soap get you settled into the base, getting you cleaned up and acquainted with your new surroundings. Gaz, ever fascinated with your wings, helps clean out the accumulating sweat and dirt that's etched itself into your pristine feathers.

Soap lends you some of his clothes, despite your clear displeasure for the odd clothing. It was something you had never had to concern yourself with before, and now you had to wear the itchy fabric all the time. A very quick cause for another meltdown they coax you through once they realized how much that part bothered you.

Ghost takes a look at your broken wings, fixing up something that could help stabilize it so it could start healing at a better rate. No matter how many times he told you to sit still you couldn't help but squirm as you felt his hands graze over your feathers. It wasn't normal for humans to be touching you so...intimately...it was something you'd have to get used to.

A few weeks pass, two broken wings healed, and you're still with them. You're slowly getting accustomed to their presence around you, their fuzzing, and inquiries, you almost dare admit that you like it, that you might like them.

Never in your life would you have expected to have to admit to yourself that you liked a group of humans beyond your divine contracts. Yet the way they see you and spend time with you, is something you find yourself holding precious to your heart.

Once you discover Soap's drawing habits you can't help but observe him whenever he does it. You find it fascinating the control he has over his hands and the brushstrokes against the fragile paper. He even starts teaching you some of your own, though you struggle with coming up what to draw. You end up drawing some of your seraphim brothers and sister from memory, which he takes great interest in.

Gaz ends up going with you when you go to fly again, the first time was a little bit of a disaster, you crashed straight down. Causing all four of them to worry about you, though luckily you didn't break anything this time. You weren't used to the soreness in your wings, nor the training you'd have to do to get back to your usual level of excellent flying.

Though when you do get it back, you're going out to fly every day. Gaz isn't exactly with you, but he observes you from the ground. You tried offering to show him what it's like, but he kindly declined, mumbling something about it reminding him too much of an unfortunate helicopter ride.

Time spent with Ghost is normally quiet activities that don't require a lot of talking, you enjoy the silent respite, being able to enjoy his company without a single word having to be shared. You often go to him when Soap and Gaz's spontaneous activities get too much, he quickly puts them down before dragging you to a quiet place to relax. Naps with him a top tier, even if you don't really need the sleep the same way he does.

Price will occasionally have you in his office, helping him with paperwork and research on monsters. He finds that you know a lot more than anyone else on probably the entire planet does. You explain their behaviors, their chances at rehabilitation and their threat levels. You admire him and his work, despite having an unfathomable number of years more to your name, his decisions are wise and calculated, he knows what he's doing.

Eventually you even come on missions with them, under great supervision at first, both to learn more about you and to keep a general eye on you. Though it’s a quick agreement between them all that you're an important asset. It's a lot easier to go monster hunting when you have a seraph that can quite literally put the fear of god into them.

Life with them is far from anything you could've expected, so different from your old life, but you find yourself enjoying your time. You're doing something worthwhile, and maybe the godly intervention you were so sure those monster's needed could still depend on you. Either way, you'd have a new group behind your back, one you could rely on more than any other type you'd seen in your divine existence.

I could see this developing into a lil AU of monsters and humans and other mythical things. Definitely getting the gears in my head stirring... I've also got some more ideas for the vampire reader, so watch out for that in the coming time once i get more time to write >:))

[ominous-feychild]

Guys I literally JUST realized a thing about my autism/masking/alexithymia. I noticed there was an alexithymia tag here on tumblr and when I investigated, there was this one post listing these symptoms:

and I just--

I've had these exact, MAJOR struggles through my whole life for one.

But for two, and what's really interesting in my opinion...

Yesterday, I was having a video call with my mom. I've been off of some medications that I'm supposed to be taking because of financial issues, so my mental is NOT in a great place and I've had NO spoons for the past month. But while on call with her, she seriously, unironically, asked me if I thought I really needed the meds. Because, apparently, I "wasn't acting like I needed them" or something like that. And I'm sure I don't need to explain why that pissed me tf off.

But, like... at the time, the closest thing I could come up with for an answer was that "I have no spoons and no energy to do anything"; "I lived 17 years without meds, I kind-of know how to fake it"; and "I haven't had much socializing lately, so I have enough Social Energy™ to fake being okay right now."

Now that I'm not being put on the spot and after reading that post, I'm slowly figuring out that I've always done this. I mean, I've obviously always struggled to describe my own emotions and need to analyze my physical reactions to figure them out, but like. I'm just now starting to realize that I've really struggled to describe exactly how I'm "feeling bad" or, in fact, that I am feeling bad at all.

I mean, again, considering the alexithymia, that last part is a given. But it's kinda putting into perspective exactly how I've always had to understand "I don't have the energy to do anything" or "it's incredibly difficult to do anything" or "something deep inside of me feels Wrong™ and I can neither address nor identify it". I'd just passively have those "feelings" and struggle to continue life despite them.

It brings back thoughts of my struggles with masking, and how I was never diagnosed with autism as a child. Looking back, it should've been incredibly obvious. I had SO many of the tell-tale signs. But I guess it wasn't today, and there wasn't anywhere near as much awareness of what those signs were... but really. Textbook.

I'm sure my masking made it more difficult to recognize the signs as I got older. Hell, I even read over different "autism diagnosis checklist"s countless times, thinking to myself "oh wow it's a lot like me!... exceeeeeptttt--" and moved on from there.

I keep digressing. My point is, since discovering my autism and how it was hidden by masking, I've always wondered where my mask ends and where I begin. Most of the time, I feel like I feel nothing, even when I'm not depressed. I've been told I don't show my emotions, like when I'm happy (aka my chest is light and I feel free). That, or people can't tell when I like/dislike them (though that's partially a trauma thing). Other times, I've been told I'm smiling when I didn't even realize I was happy, much less that I was actually smiling. Some people have told me I'm incredibly easy to read, that my emotions show very clearly. But how can they when I feel like I feel nothing?

Which leads me back to what I said earlier, my conversation with my mother. How she asked if I actually need my meds because "I don't seem like I do". I guess I kind-of understand now, why she might've seen it that way. Do most people always show signs of how they actually feel? And how does the fact that I "don't feel" effect what I show?

I've wondered about that for a while. How much of how I act is because I was trained to, one way or another? How much of the emotion I show is because I learned to? Do I even show the emotions I feel? I really can't know because the people I know irl, who would better be able to tell me how I act, aren't understanding of any of these things. My older sister is lowkey ableist and thinks she sees the grand plan of the universe, my mother is too "pull yourself up by the bootstraps!!!" to accept Spoon Theory or mental health struggles, and just about everyone else in my life comes and goes as quickly as the wind.

Anyhow, this was a long rant that I've kinda had half-formed thoughts about for a while. Thanks for reading, hopefully this can help or entertain whoever stumbles upon this?