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moonstruckme · 9 months

Note

hi bae, can i pls request reader who’s recovering from eating problems and is gaining a bit of weight and gets insecure with poly marauders but they just find her more attractive cause of it

fighting demons rn

🫶🏻🫶🏻

Hi sweetheart, apologies for the wait! I was hunting your demons with a crossbow. Thanks for requesting <3

cw: implied past disordered eating, body image issues

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.4k words

Your favorite high waisted jeans used to sit just so on your hips, practically hanging off your hip bones. Now, they hug your waist, which you try to reason is where they were always meant to be, but it feels so wrong on your body. Everything about your body feels wrong. You jam your fingers in the waistband, and there’s little give. You’re beginning to wonder if you should even bother with these, when you know you’ll eat and they’ll start to bite into your midsection like a punishment. But they’re your favorite jeans.

James comes through on his way to the bathroom with a careless “Hi, lovie,” and you drop your hands from where they’ve been pinching critically at your waist.

“Hi,” you echo halfheartedly.

James pauses, pivoting slightly to give you a curious look. You have an out here, you know. You could fake a smile or feign confusion, and he’d let it go. Perhaps he’d be keeping a closer eye on you today, but James will never push the issue if you don’t feel like talking.

Maybe it’s the option that makes you think it might be nice to externalize.

“I’ve gained weight,” you say plainly. There.

James’ eyebrows shoot up, more surprised at the abruptness of your complaint than the complaint itself. “Well, I should hope so. You’ve been doing really well lately.”

“It’s just,” you sigh, “my jeans don’t fit.”

He gives you a quick look-over, then an odd sort of smile. “They look great to me. Do they not feel right?”

You feel your mouth quirk to the side. A dissatisfied pinch. “They used to feel different.”

“That’s alright, sweetheart,” he says, going into the bathroom. You hear the satisfying schwick of his deodorant cap sliding off. “Do they still sell those same ones?”

You give a tentative nod as he emerges from the bathroom again, and he shrugs at you, a funny scrunch at the bridge of his nose.

“Then get them in a bigger size.”

Not what you want to hear. Not necessarily his fault, either. James doesn’t get it. How could he? The only time James’ body doesn’t look like it was drawn into a superhero comic is the few weeks of off-season where he doesn’t train as hard and gets a bit of pudge around his middle. And even then, it’s a very lovable pudge. James Potter wouldn’t know insecurity if it slept in his bed every night. (Which it does. You do.)

“That’s not the point,” you say, and despite your best intentions your voice comes out with a petulant edge. “I just—I liked how these ones looked on me before. Don’t you think I look…different?”

The scrunch migrates from the bridge of his nose to just above it, an unhappy notch between his brows. “Well, yeah. But I mean, I like it.”

You give him a deadpan look.

“I’m being honest.” James holds up his hands. “Really, sweetheart, I didn’t want to—I know talking about your body can be an issue for you, so I didn’t want to bring it up, but you’ve been looking fantastic lately.”

You’re quiet, stuck. You aren’t sure what you’d wanted out of this anymore (validation, maybe?) but you’re not going to get it this way. You only feel bad for putting James in this position. He’s your boyfriend and a good one, he only ever had one way out of this.

“Sorry,” you say, wrapping your arms around your torso, “I didn’t mean to fish for compliments.”

“Hey.” He steps into your space, hooking his fingers through your belt loops to turn you towards him. “You’re not asking for anything I don’t want to give. You look amazing, I mean it.” Your eyes fall to his chest and he stoops to follow them, dark brows rising incredulously. “What, you don’t believe me?”

You sigh. “I’m sorry I brought it up, okay? Can we not—”

“Nope.” James lets go of one of your belt loops but keeps a firm hold on the other. “Sorry, no longer an option.” He begins tugging you out of the room. Your hips follow disloyally, and though you wrap your hands around his wrist, he holds fast.

“James, come on.” You give a little resistance, but he drags you doggedly onward. You could tear away if you commit to it, but these really are your favorite jeans and James is just as likely to take your belt loop with him.

In the living room, Sirius is mending a pair of James’ trousers while Remus does the crossword, which involves him reading the clues aloud and Sirius firing off unrelated and too-long words until Remus gets it himself. Remus hears your protest first, brows rising as James brings you into the room.

“What’s going on?” he asks, somewhat warily.

“She doesn’t believe me when I tell her she’s lovely,” James says, like Can you believe it? Remus blinks and Sirius’ eyes flit up from his work, one brow quirking.

“That’s not what I said,” you defend.

He releases you, and you step away, crossing your arms over your midsection. “Go on, then.” James sounds truly encouraging, though dubious. “Tell us how lovely you are, angel.”

You roll your eyes. It’s difficult not to feel frivolous when they put you on the spot like this. “I was only saying that I don’t like the fit of my jeans now.”

If you hadn’t had Sirius’ full attention already, you do now. He sets down James’ trousers, beckoning you forward, “C’mere, let’s see.”

You go to stand between his legs, dread coiled like a snake around your ribcage that only squeezes tighter at the unflinching intensity of Sirius’ gaze while he analyzes your face.

You look down to escape it, sticking your thumb into the waistband of your jeans. “Look, they’ve gotten small—”

“I can see for myself,” he says softly, moving your hand out of the way and replacing your thumb with his own slender fingers. They’re cool against your abdomen. He slides them around to the side of your waist, tugging experimentally at the denim. “Gorgeous, these fit great. This is exactly where you’d usually want them to be. What’s the issue?”

“It’s just—they don’t—” You feel more and more ridiculous by the second, and you can’t figure out if you’re frustrated with yourself or with them for that. “They used to sit lower, and now I—I just feel like I look weird.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you,” James insists, seating himself on the coffee table and setting his elbows on his knees. Sirius nudges your ankle with his foot, silent encouragement to sit between him and Remus. You comply. “You don’t look weird, sweetheart, you’re—listen, you’ve always been beautiful, but lately, it’s like—you’re just, you’re stunning.”

You shrink from the compliment, face humiliatingly warm. “Thanks, Jamie, but you have to say that.”

“No, he’s right,” Remus chimes in. He sounds so matter-of-fact, as if he’s simply recounting how traffic was on the way home from work today. “You don’t look the same as you did before, true, but it’s not a bad change. You’re just not used to seeing yourself healthy, is all.”

“Exactly.” James throws up his palms, relieved.

You consider this. It was warped perspective that had gotten you into this mess. Maybe you’re still not seeing things clearly quite yet.

Sirius wraps a hand around the inside of your thigh, tugging it over one of his. “Babe, if these jeans are evidence of anything, it’s that you’re finally growing into the size you were always supposed to be. If you eventually have to get a larger pair, then fine. It still won’t mean anything about you. You’re exactly right, understand?”

You nod, feeling thoroughly chastened, and Sirius grins. His fingertips dig into your thigh as he leans over to kiss your cheek.

“Honestly, I don’t know how you can’t see it,” James says, looking pleased to have some validation from the other boys. “You’re radiant, lovie, your skin is glowing, you look happier—really, you’ve never been more lovely.”

“It helps that we know you’re doing better, too,” Remus says, a bit quieter. “Frailty doesn’t suit you, dove. It’s…I love you no matter what, but it does make it easier when you’re kind to yourself. Feels more like we’re on the same team.”

“Thanks,” you say softly, then once more for good measure. “Thanks, guys.”

“Told you already,” James says, “you’re not asking for anything we don’t want to give.”

“You liked it when these jeans fit a bit saggier, showed more skin, yeah?” Sirius asks. You nod with a shrug. It doesn’t feel quite so important now. “We can do that. We’ll get you the same ones, if you want, or another pair that might sit a bit more on your hips.” He gives your thigh a squeeze through your jeans. “Gotta show off this bod, right, babydoll?”

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ultraviolencced · 2 years

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being the oldest sister is a fucking curse

#it’s the constant guilt for no real reason #the constant feeling that you have to help them and put their struggles before my own #all while you’re largely ignored by everyone #everyone forgets i’m autistic and mentally i’ll but because i’m not overdosing or dealing with an eating disorder and daily outward #panic attacks no one pays attention to the the small things i struggle to mask #me: i hate driving on the interstate family: everyday drive to a neighboring town on i25 #it’s like they either don’t actually know any of my triggers bc they don’t pay attention or even ask even tho they know i’m neurodivergent #and my lupus and mctd are in a pretty bad flare rn so i feel like extra shit and they know that there are days i can’t do anything #i need to stop being a little bitch about this and suck it up #shut the fuck up taylor

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gators-aid · 8 months

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decode (pt. 3) - toji f. x reader

masterlist

part two | part four

previously titled: leave us

you and toji fushiguro have been in an on-again-off-again relationship all throughout high school. over the summer break after graduation, you find out you're pregnant. too bad toji has already skipped town after your last breakup.

tags: fem!reader, cheating, underage (mentions they have sex, but nothing explict, toji and reader are high school freshmen), mentioned eating disorder (not really a disorder, reader just forgets to eat, tag is just in case), mention of domestic abuse (not between toji & reader), americanized setting, non sorcerer universe, 00's setting, reader is megumi's mom, exes to lovers (eventually), their relationship is toxic rn, not beta read we die like toji :(

wc: 3.4k

You had met Toji in your first year of high school at some house party. Some sophomore that Utahime knew was throwing it, giving the two of you an in.

You and Utahime had been dancing on the dude’s couch, bottles in hand. You had never really drank before, but you made sure to keep yourself aware enough to get the two of you home by the end of the night. Your house was a fifteen minute walk from here, and your plan was to sneak the two of you through your window before three.

That’s when you saw him. He was leaning against the wall talking to some girl. Just by his looks, you thought he might have been a couple years above you. He was tall, taller than most guys in the house, and definitely more muscular. You were immediately attracted, Utahime giggled at you once she saw where you were looking. “You should go talk to him!” She slurred, still moving to the sound of the music with you.

“Seems like he’s got his hands busy.” You whisper-yelled over the music. He had them all over that girl.

“Utahime!” You heard from below the two of you. Hakari, the guy whose house this was (and your future coworker), held on to her hand as she almost stumbled over to look down at him. “We’re gonna play seven minutes in heaven! Y’all wanna come?”

“That’s fucking corny!” Utahime giggled, “Let’s go, Y/N!” The two of you followed in a straight line behind Hakari to a relatively empty, but still extremely loud hallway. You all sat down in a circle with a group of students you didn’t recognize.

“Hey, you guys weren’t gonna start the fun without us, right?” You hear from behind you. It’s the guy from earlier. He pushes his hair (you think it's black, but can’t tell from the lighting) back and takes a swig of a beer bottle. The girl from earlier is with him, along with another guy you didn’t recognize.

“Toji, let us use that bottle. Hakari broke the other one!” One guy yells over the music. “Thought this was seven minutes in heaven,” A girl with stark white hair begins, “You don’t need a bottle for that game.”

“Too much work to write everyone’s names down, there’s a bunch of freshmen here. I don’t know them.” Hakari responds.

“Scoot over!” The tall guy, Toji, yells at you over the music, and you do. Allowing his group of three to squeeze in next to you. Utahime giggles and leans over your lap to address him. “Hey!” She yells, almost falling over your lap. “What’s your name? My friend Y/N-”

“I’ll go first!” you yell, hoping to silence her before she can say anything embarrassing.

“Wheeeew look at the brave young freshman!” Hakari yells. “Hey, what’s your name again?” You ignore him and spin the bottle. 'Damn,' you think, 'I’m actually going to have to go into a closet with someone after this.' You just wanted to interrupt Utahime.

It lands on some guy you don't recognize.

“Wee woo wee woo!” Hakari yells, mocking a police siren. “New rule, freshman and senior pairings will not be allowed! Go again!” he yells at you. The group bursts out laughing as you grab the bottle to spin again.

The bottle spins and spins until it lands on… the girl that Toji was making out with earlier. She makes a face and looks at you. “I’m not into girls, sorry!” She yells.

“I am!” Utahime announces to the group.

“What the hell, Takako, you have such a dirty mind!” Hakari says. You can feel Toji eyeing you. It’s slightly unsettling. “Seven minutes in heaven does not imply romantic or sexual advances!”

She scoffs, “Then why didn’t you let her go in there with Kenjaku?” You’re doing everything you can to avoid Toji’s gaze. Seriously, what was this dude’s problem? Was there something on your face? Did your makeup come off to reveal the big ass pimple on your cheek? Shit, you knew you should’ve used more setting spray.

“Because it’s my duty to protect the young women attending my party, Takako! Better safe than sorry.”

Suddenly, you see a hand go down to the bottle and tilt it slightly. It’s Toji, and he’s pointed the bottle directly at himself. “Well, would you look at that! Seems like the bottle has mysteriously landed on me and not Takako!” He yells over the music.

You take this time to finally look him in the face. From this close, you notice the scar on the side of his lip, his piercing green eyes.

“But…” you say, confused, “they said no seniors and freshmen.”

The group bursts into laughter. “Don’t know if I should be offended or not.” He says.

“He’s in our year, Y/N!” Utahime exclaims, “He’s in my algebra class, I couldn’t remember his name though…”

“Wait, this isn’t how it works!” Takako says, panicked. Now that you’ve already looked at Toji, you can see her arm locked into his, she’s yelling into the group’s circle.

“The bottle lands where it lands!” Toji says, throwing his arms up. “Come on, mama,” he starts, untangling from Takako. “We got seven minutes.”

He grabs your arm and leads you to the hall closet. You can hear whoops and whistles from behind you, but you don’t know if it’s from your small group or from the rest of the party goers.

He turns the light on, and the two of you push back winter coats to make room in the closet. He closes the door behind the two of you. For a moment he’s quiet. He just looks at you. “You’re really pretty.” He says, leaning against the door, a little too cockily for a high school freshman.

“Thanks.” You say quietly. It’s a little less loud in the closet, music muffled by the bundle of winter coats. “Is um.. Is Takako your girlfriend or something?”

He laughs, “Why do you ask?”

“Because it’s pretty fucked up if you took me in here with her sitting right out there.”

He smiles. “Nah.” He says, leaning closer to you. “She’s not.”

You can feel his breath on your face, and smell his cologne from here. It’s a little strong, you can smell the beer in his breath too. “She’s into you though,” you say. He leans closer and you put your hand gently on his chest. Your lips are millimeters apart. “That was kinda mean,” He laughs again. “To be really, really honest, I don’t give a fuck about her.”

“That's really mean.” You respond, and suddenly your lips are on each other. This isn’t your first kiss, but Toji makes it feel like it is. You two grasp onto each other desperately, hold onto each other like you’ve known each other for years, like he’s a long lost love.

It doesn’t escalate from there, you two just kiss and kiss and kiss.

You don’t notice how long it’s been until you hear a knock on the door. Toji pulls away from your face and rests his forehead on yours. “Damn.” He says, licking his lips.

That night, Toji had offered to drive you and Utahime home. You had spent the last couple hours at the party together, you continued drinking while Toji refrained, wanting to drive you home.

He had helped you sneak Utahime into your bedroom. In your time spent with Toji, you hadn’t noticed her drinking more and more, so by the time you got her into Toji’s car, she was passed out cold.

You had held Utahime in your arms as Toji climbed into your window and pulled her through. You climbed in after.

“Thank you so much.” You said to him as the two of you lay her in your bed. “You’re seriously a life saver.”

“It’s no problem, anything for a pretty lady like you.” You rolled your eyes.

He climbed back out your window, turning around to face you one more time before you left. You lent onto your window sill and smiled at him. “I’ll see you on Monday?” you asked. He smiled back. “I’ll see you then.” He lent up and kissed you on the lips once more before turning back around and walking to his truck.

You did see him on Monday. And almost every Monday after.

You and Toji became incredibly close incredibly fast. Toji clung to you for affection, you clung to him for attention. You sat together at lunch everyday. He’d buy you Cokes from the overpriced vending machine and you’d invite him into your bedroom everytime it got to be too much at home. You guys never officially started dating, it just seemed like it happened overnight.

He never came over during the day. You were too nervous to tell your mother and he was too nervous to meet her.

She didn’t know you even had a boyfriend until Toji cheated on you. Not the best introduction. You were working late at the diner, you often did on weekends to speed up the process of your college fund. It was Shoko who had told you.

She, Geto, and Gojo had come to the diner after leaving a party. They were all clearly a little tipsy, so one of the older servers had passed them off onto you. “I’m not dealing with definitely-not-drunk teenagers at this time of night. I’m ready to go home.”

“Oh my god! I know you! You’re Y/N! We’re in the same government class!” Geto slurred. You smiled at him. “How are you guys doing? You go to Hakari’s party?” You asked.

“Yeah! It was really fun, but Gojo’s curfew is at one so we gotta get him sobered up.” Geto supplied.

“Hey, Y/N, are you still with Toji? I see you too together alllllll the time at school.” Gojo slurred. You laughed. “Kind of.” You and Toji had gotten into an argument that afternoon. Toji was going to that same party, and you, having to work, couldn’t go with. Somehow, it turned into an argument about who does more for who. You weren’t broken up, and you weren’t on a break, but you were both certainly angry with each other.

“Ohhhh what the fuck?” Gojo said, looking wide-eyed at his friends. They all looked between each other, clearly confused and talking to each other through their facial expressions.

“Uhh, Y/N, can you just get us some waters, and can you get Gojo like an omelet or some shit?” Shoko says. “Uhh yeah! Of course!”

“No mushrooms!” Gojo shouts as you walk away. You turn and give him a thumbs up.

That whole night, you could feel the tension from the table. Like they all felt bad for you. Like they pitied you. After they paid the bill and Geto and Gojo walked out, Shoko called you over. “Hey, Y/N, you almost done working?” She asked.

“Yeah, you guys were my last table for tonight. What’s up?”

“Look,” she says, “I don’t know what’s up with you and Toji, it’s not my business, but I think you should probably know he and Takako were all over each other at Hakari’s tonight.” She looked into your eyes to gauge a reaction.

Your heart had dropped. You could feel your fingertips tingling like you had lost all the blood in them. They felt lighter than the rest of your body. “Oh, uh, yeah it's not a big deal.” You say. You start to wring your hands on your waist apron. “Thanks for letting me know, though.” You attempt a smile at her. She looks at you with pity and concern, until you can almost visibly see her say ‘fuck it’ in her head. She leans in and gives you a hug.

You vowed it not to be true, but Shoko had no reason to lie to you. Gojo and Geto had no reason to act so strange when you mentioned you’re still with Toji. Shoko bringing up Takako was not a coincidence.

You squeeze her back and you can feel your breathing picking up. “T-Thank, um, Thank you.” you say.

You didn’t call him when your shift was over for him to pick you up as usual, instead opting to take the bus route. You got home that night, thankful to see that your mother had already gone to sleep. You ignored the food she left for you in the fridge and went straight to the shower.

You didn’t cry until you got into bed, when you could smell his cologne on your pillow. You stayed like that for hours. Curled up, silently sobbing, until you heard a light knocking on your window. You knew who it was. The only person it could be,

“Y/N?” He whispered through the window. He sounded panicked. You could hear the pane slide up and him climb in.

“Oh, shit, thank god.” He whispered, climbing into your bed. His voice was shaking. “Hey, you awake, mama?”

You turned around to face him. “You had me scared, baby.” He said, moving your hair out of your face. “You never called after your shift. Just ‘cause you’re mad at me doesn’t mean I won’t come get you.”

“You fucked her, didn’t you?” You asked, your voice cracking.

“Huh?”

“You. Fucked. Her. Didn’t. You?”

His hand froze on your cheek.

You sat up in your bed. “You fucked her, and then you wanted to come and see me after?” You asked, voice rising with each word.

“Hey-”

“What?” You ask. You’re fully yelling now. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Y/N, stop yelling.” He warns. He stands up from the bed. You stand up and get in his face.

“Don’t tell me what to do, Toji!” You pushed his chest. He didn’t move an inch. “You don’t get to come in here, acting like you’re all worried about me! Acting like you give a fuck!” You were full on sobbing by now.

“Y/N-”

“What the hell is going on in here?” You hear your door swing open and whip around to see your mother standing at the door with a baseball bat in hand.

Shit.

“What the fuck are you doing in my house? Get the hell out of here!”

Toji books it out the window, looking at you one last time before leaving.

“What the hell are you thinking, Y/N? You have a boy in here?” She yells at you. “You’re too young for this! Doing this under my roof, are you insane?”

You just stand there staring at the floor. “Mom?” You ask, voice cracking. She sets the bat down by your door and rushes to your side. “Did he hurt you? Y/N? What did he do?” You cling onto the back of her shirt and cry into her neck. “Mom-” Is all you can get out before you’re violently shaking and you can feel your knees give out.

It’s a week later when you see Toji again. Your mother had let you stay home from school for a day, and when you got back, Toji was nowhere to be found.

Word got around school quickly. If it hadn’t been Shoko who told you, It could’ve been ten other people. Utahime and Saori, another girl you befriended, became your lunch buddies, taking Toji’s place.

You didn’t want to seem as hurt as you felt, not with Takako grinning at you in the halls every time she saw you.

He was at your window that night. You didn’t have work, and had taken the free time to catch up on some assignment you had missed. You heard a knock on your window and immediately tensed. “Fuck.” You whispered to yourself when you heard the pane slide up.

You hadn’t even thought about locking your window. Didn’t expect Toji to want anything to do with you.

“I saw the light on." He explained, like it gave him the right to come in, "Can we talk?” He whispered, “and can you not yell?” You didn’t look up at him. He towered over you from where you sat at your desk. “Can’t promise you anything.” You said. You pretended to work on an algebra problem, but you couldn’t focus with him in the room.

“Come with me to my truck then.” He pleads. You tap your pencil on the wooden desk and turn your head to look up at him. He looks a mess. Hair mussed like he hadn’t brushed it in days, clothes rumpled and stained. His right eye sports a fading black ring around it.

You bite your lip. You refuse to show any concern, but you're too curious. You point your pencil at his eye, “What happened there?” He stares at you for a second.

“Can you come or not?” He asks. This would be a common occurrence throughout the rest of your relationship. Toji showing up with a new bruise and brushing you off when you question it.

“Can you answer my question?” You taunt back.

“Please, Y/N.”

You sigh and throw your pencil down on the desk. “I’m doing homework, Toji.” You respond.

“Please.” He begs.

You know you shouldn’t. You and your mother had had a lengthy conversation just this morning. “You need to stay away from boys like him.” she said as she moved around the kitchen to prepare you breakfast. This hadn’t been a common occurrence until she noticed you had stopped eating. It wasn’t intentional, you just didn’t have the energy for it anymore. “They don’t do anything but lead you down a path you don’t want to go down, Y/N.” She says, placing a plate of eggs and toast in front of you. “He’s showing you who he is right now. Believe him.”

You contemplated it. You knew, deep down, that you shouldn’t. Knew you should’ve called for your mom the second he tapped on your window. But you didn’t.

“Okay.”

The two of you crawled out of your window and walked a few houses down to Toji’s truck, parked in an abandoned parking lot. The two of you hop in at the same time. You had suddenly wished you grabbed your coat. It wasn’t necessarily cold, you just wanted something to comfort you.

“I fucked up.” There it is. His voice, even if he’s saying something incredibly delusional and ridiculous, that is your comfort. He turns in his seat to face you. You do the same, your foot coming up to rest in the seat.

“I really, really fucked up.”

“So what’s your excuse?” You ask. You know it’s a bit hurtful. That was a little intentional.

“I just.. I don’t have one.”

You think about that for a second. “Sooo…” you begin with a laugh, suddenly ten times more bitter than before. “You had sex with another girl… just because?” You ask.

He has nothing to say to that.

“What am I to you, Toji?”

He looks at you for a second like he’s pondering. Trying to put it into words, or maybe trying to come up with something. You didn’t know.

“Everything.” He says, finally.

You smile. It’s a nasty, bitter smile. “That so?” You ask. “I’d hate to see how you treat someone you hate. Gotta be pretty bad.”

“Baby..”

“I’m sorry if I’m misunderstanding you here.” You say, you put your foot back onto the floor of his truck. “You brought me out here, interrupted me, mind you, to what? Tell me that you cheated on me because you felt like it?”

You don’t think you’ve ever been this angry in your life. You get out of the car. Not waiting for a response. You slam the door, briskly walking back home.

“Y/N! Come the fuck on!” You can hear him slamming the door and following you. “Don’t walk out here by yourself.” He’s being dramatic. Your house is literally within your field of vision. You can hear his feet rushing to catch up to you. You turn around and point your finger at his chest. “Leave me the fuck alone.” You say with as much conviction as you can muster.

He does.

When you get back home, you realize you had left your phone on your desk next to your abandoned algebra homework. You have a message from Utahime waiting for you. When you open your flip phone up, you read

hime <3: wanna go 2 hakari’s w me this fri?

Suddenly you have an idea. Make him hurt like you did. Maybe a little worse, if he cared about you at all, that is. Deep down you knew he did. Even if only a little.

you: ofc :)

longer chapter for tonight! i'm having fun writing this! thank you for the support!

i changed the name to decode because i was listening to it while writing this chapter and it was a little bit too perfect. everybody say thank you hayley williams.

other songs i listened to while writing include

breaking benjamin - diary of jane

foo fighters - everlong

bts (suga) - trivia: seesaw

paramore - all i wanted

i feel like im on drugs rn

tag list, comment to be added

@mechalily @nialiuwanderlust @xo-evangeline @ilovebattinson @cherrypieyourface @amaiyasha @erensslut

#toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #toji x y/n #toji x you #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader

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jellyfiishatr · 1 year

Note

Hi!! Feel free to ignore if you don’t take these request, but could you write head cannons of Miles or Hobie (or both) with an anorexic reader? Platonic or romantic it doesn’t really matter. I’m just struggling a bit rn and thought I’d ask (that sounds so guilt-trippy i’m sorry i don’t mean it that way) Again feel free to ignore!! Have a good day you’re a wonderful author !!

a/n : AHHH it's okay!! I think this is sweet, I hope you're doing alright and that this'll bring u some comfort ♡ have a great day/night anon >_<★!!

☆☆☆

Content : comfort / fluff / headcanons

Content warning : eating disorder / anorexia mention

Miles Morales!!

☆ Miles is definitely an understanding person

☆ when he first noticed you stopped eating so much he didn't think much of it, but when you stopped coming to lunch with him entirely he knew something was up.

☆ he took note of how skinny you were getting, he'd jokingly ask if you were going to the gym without him and you'd laugh it off and say "my bad dude, forgot to tell you haha."

☆ when you'd finally get to telling him you weren't doing so great, he'd start sobbing with you. Giving you a hug and gently caressing your back in a friendly way

☆ he'd do his own research and watch videos on how to help you

☆ when it comes to meals, he's patient with you

☆ he waits patiently for you to eat, whether you finish or not doesn't bother him. As long as you ate, he's happy

☆ he's the type to cover up the calories on any food packaging, drawing over them with a sharpie

☆ Miles is also the type to get you some comfort foods of yours everytime you guys hang out or have a study sesh

☆ overall : Miles is patient and understands from a certain point of how you feel, and he does whatever he can to help you feel better

Hobie Brown!!

☆ Hobie's also an understanding person

☆ he'd notice immediately when you'd stop eating your favorite foods with him

☆ he already had taken note of the fact you weren't as cheery or were getting skinny so quickly

☆ while sitting with him, quietly enjoying his presence he'd ask you, "are you feeling okay?"

☆ and when you started sniffling on his shoulder he wrapped his arm around yours and rubbed your arm gently.

☆ ^"It's alright, you'll be alright." He'd say os a soft tone to you.

☆ he'd be very careful with certain food, making sure to have the labels or the calories covered

☆ he always eats with you, eating slowly so you both finish at the same time

☆ overall : Hobie understands its a long process to feel better, so he wants to make sure he's with you every step of the way.

☆☆☆

(I hope this was well executed!! Tell me if I've gotten anything wrong in this fic anon!!)

#across the spiderverse #spiderman atsv #Atsv #Spiderpunk #Spiderman #miles morales #Miles x reader #miles morales x reader #hobie brown #Hobie x reader #Hobie brown x reader #Spiderman : across the spiderverse

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hurts2think · 2 months

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Hey! I love your Red x reader one shots and I have such a huge crush on Kylie rn.

I was wondering if you can do an imagine where fem!reader is going through something (you can make it up) and she’s not eating or sleeping and she thinks no one notices but Red does and she comforts reader?

You don’t need to if you aren’t comfortable w it tho!

♥️Red Hearts x Reader♥️

Reader pronouns: She/her

Pairing: Red Hearts x Fem!Reader

Plot: Reader has been dealing with a lot and falling behind on many basic necessities like eating and sleeping. She hopes her girlfriend doesn't realize, but it gets to the point where it's impossible to avoid the conversation.

Word count: 2.1k

Extra: I want to put a CW for Eating disorders. I never use that term in the fic and the fic has nothing to do with weight or body issues, just depression. I wrote this from my own experiences so it's not like I'm writing about something I'm ignorant on. There was a lot of projection in this but I tried my best to keep it tame. Please don't read this if you're sensitive to depression or disorderly eating habits. 🫶 This is also a vulnerable thing for me to write about so please be kind.

Studying for things like quizzes and exams was never something that came very naturally to you. You always found yourself very distracted and never to stay on one topic at the same time. So you thought, maybe having someone to study with you could help keep you on track and actually get some work done.Unfortunately, you picked the wrong person to study with.

You felt that the obvious choice was your girlfriend, Red. But unsurprisingly, she's not the most efficient studier either. Really she only accepted your invite as an excuse to hangout with you, you could tell by the way she kept trying to start unrelated conversations, and the way she'd slouch and groan everytime she had to write something down instead of listen to you talk.

"Okay, we've been working for literal hours. Let's go get something to eat, I'm starving." She complained, leaning back in her chair and tilting her head back, "There's a new café down town not very far."

You close your notebook and sigh, “If you’re hungry just run down to the dorm kitchen and garb something.” You say, looking at your bored to death girlfriend.

She lifts her head and gives you an annoyed look, “Oh come on. Are you seriously not hungry? Let’s just go out. We haven’t gone out in forever." She groaned.

Red leaned closer to you, grabbing your hand as if trying to convince you that a date in the middle of your study session was a good idea.

How could you refuse that? The flirtatious smirk she gave you was almost enough to make your heart explode, you really couldn't say no, "Fine." You sigh with a small smile.

With a hop out of her chair, Red grins, "Great. And I hope you have money because I lost my wallet." She winked, clearly that was untrue.

You chuckle, "Hmm. Interesting you always lose your wallet right before we go out," you chuckle. You didn't actually mind paying for her, it was actually something you loved. You loved spending all your time and money on your wonderful girlfriend.

----

The two of you walk to this café that Red was talking about. You weren't really hungry at all. Actually, you haven't been very hungry in awhile. Your relationship with food had become a little weird recently.

Not for any reason someone might assume. It's not like you were trying to lose weight or anything, you just hadn't felt the means to eat. You never spoke about it and mostly often lied about when you ate so that you didn't worry your girlfriend, but it was getting harder to hide it because of the physical effects it was having on you.

The two of you sat across from each other at a little circle table. The café had a couple other people in there, mostly working on their laptops or reading. It was a cute café, very calming and sweet smelling.

"So, what're you feeling today? Coffee? Pastries? You liked those weird fruit pastry things last time, they might have something like that here," Red said, gazing at the menu that sat on the wall above the workers.

You pull out your own laptop and a notebook because you still planned on getting at least some work done while you were here, "Oh. No thanks. Get what you want, I'm not hungry." You open your laptop before pulling out your wallet and tossing it to Red.

Red caught the wallet before giving you a weird look. She leaned over and shut your laptop, forcing you to look her in the eyes, "I've been with you all day and you didn't even eat the cookies I brought. How are you not hungry?"

You just shrugged awkwardly, "I ate before you came over," you lie. You hated lying, especially to your girlfriend. It made you feel so guilty and sick. Or maybe you felt sick from your horrible eating habits.

"Bullshit." Red said plainly, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair.

"Excuse me?" You ask, a little astonished at how quick she was to accuse you of lying.

Red glares, "You've been weird recently. You've been insanely tired, skipping lunch while claiming you'll eat after school, everytime you stand up you get concerningly dizzy, what's up with you?" She asked. Obviously she was worried but her words came off as stern so that you had no room for lying to her.

You shift uncomfortably in your seat, looking away from her. "It's nothing, really, just order something. Don't worry about it." You attempt to brush it off but you have a feeling she wouldn't let it go so easily.

"You know, I'm not stupid, just admit you're having an issue and I can help. Let me help you." Red insisted, reaching over and grabbing your hands from across the table.

She was clearly worried and only wanted to help you, which is why you felt bad at your growing irritation of the subject, “Can’t you just leave it alone? I really don't feel like talking about it.” You pull your hands away and cross your arms.

Red resisted the urge to role her eyes at your refusal to talk, but she tried not to argue, “Just— just please tell me what’s wrong?” She tried making her voice sound sympathetic and you could tell she was really struggling. She was never very good with talking about feelings despite how much she cares.

"Just drop it. I don't want to talk about it so I won't. I don't have to tell you everything. it's not even important." You snap, before immediately going quiet. You didn't mean to get angry, really, you didn't. You weren't even angry at her. Just... Frustrated.

Red looked as if she wanted to argue back, you could see in her face that she was not happy, "Fine. Whatever."

The way she spoke that made your heart ache. You felt stupid for snapping like that when she was just trying to make sure you were okay.

----

The two of you pretty much sat in silence the rest of the time at the café before she decided to go back to her own dorm instead of finishing with the studying.

You still felt awful and could tell Red was still upset. But you just kissed her goodbye and went back to your dorm.

The whole encounter made you feel like abandoning your work and just sleeping for the rest of the day. You really were tired. You've been so tired all of the time.

So tired and depressed. All you do when you get to your dorm and sit there with your own filthy sadness. Thank goodness no one shares a dorm with you or they'd probably be annoyed by how much you drag yourself around and sulk.

Usually when at school you put a smile on and get all happy with everyone else but that's been especially hard recently. The only thing you can really ever feel like doing is sitting in bed and staring at the ceiling. Stare and let your head be flooded with the un-happy thoughts that plagued you.

You felt guilty for being so depressed. You had great friends, you went to a great school, and had an even greater girlfriend, how could you still be sad?

While you thought about all of this you started to drift off into sleep. It was still early in the day but you couldn't stop yourself from it.

----

You were suddenly awakened by the sound of a hard knock on your door. You sat up and got out of bed, unaware of what time of day it even was. It felt like your room was spinning.

Your head was light, your vision was blurry, your stomach felt like it was rising to your throat and you were about to puke it up but couldn't.

You stumbled towards the door and leaned on it for a moment to try and regain yourself but you couldn't. There was another knock on the door and the vibration of it ran through you, making you feel even sicker.

Finally you opened the door to see Red. Well, kind of see her, your vision kept focusing and unfocusing, but it was enough to recognize her.

Before she could even say anything, you felt your entire body about to collapse. Red was quick to swoop in and catch you before you hit the ground.

"Oh my gosh are you okay? What happened?" She started asking you a hundred questions at once but you could hardly bring yourself to answer.

Clearly she was panicking but once she realized all you could do was mumble out responses, she picked you up, holding you bridal style and carrying you over to your bed. She laid you down and gave you a moment to regain yourself.

"Wait, here, I might have something that can help." She said, digging through her bag and pulling out a water bottle and bag of chips.

It was hard to think at the moment or even say anything but you could feel the guilt rushing back to you. Feeling like you were a horrible girlfriend for making the person you care about most worry so much.

She opened the bag of chips and water bottle, shoving them in your hands. Just the idea of eating thing made you want to vomit but you had a feeling there was no getting out of this.

So you took small bites and small sips of water. Your hands were shaking as you held them, feeling like everything weighed ten pounds heavier.

After what took a little too long, you finished the bag of chips and the whole water bottle. You could feel yourself feeling a little better, obviously it didn't immediately fix all of your problems, but just having something in your body made you feel at least functional enough to stand up and have a conversation.

But when you tried standing, Red just shoved you back onto the bed.

"You need to stay there and rest." She demanded, "Now... Can you please tell me what's wrong?" This time her voice was filled with genuine worry and sympathy.

You look down at your hands, unable to look her in the eyes. You suddenly felt your own eyes fill with tears, as if it was all about to coming pouring out at once, "I just... I dunno... I haven't been doing well recently..." You start off, choking on your words a little bit.

"I haven't been able to sleep or eat well, I haven't been able to get out of bed other than for school, and everything is just so heavy," you say, trying your hardest to prevent the tears from spilling out.

Red gives you a worried look. She decides to carefully get in the bed with you, sitting next to you and wrapping her arms around you, "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Because I didn't want to bother you." You reply, slowly resting your head on her shoulder.

"Bother me?" She says, looking almost confused, "Your issues aren't bothersome. I just want to make sure you're okay and I want to help you every way I can."

"I know..." You mutter, still feeling guilty. "I'm sorry."

"Hey! You don't have to apologize." She says, narrowing her eyes, "It's not your fault you feel this way. But I am here to help you. I can help if you'll let me."

You finally look her in the eyes, gently grabbing her hand, "Thank you."

"Of course. I always love to help my beautiful girlfriend. I'll help you stay on top of your sleeping schedule, I'll force your to eat breakfast and lunch at school, I'll come over for dinner..." she smiles, leaning over and placing a soft kiss on your lips.

You can't help but smile as she kisses you, once she tries to pull away you bring her back for just a second longer in the kiss. Then you finally let go, "I'm serious. Thank you. You're so... Amazing. I love you so much... I'm sorry it's hard for me to talk about my problems. I trust you... I just hate seeing you worry."

Red rubs your shoulder in comfort, "Me worrying just means I care. And you're lucky. I don't care about very many people," she teasingly nudges you, "But, I'm you're girlfriend. It's kind of my job to make sure you're okay. It's the least I can do after all of the amazing things you've done for me." She smiles, "I love you too..."

The sweet words made your heart melt. Your face heated up slightly at the affection. Sometimes it was hard for Red to be affectionate but you could tell she loved it, so this really was a treat.

You couldn't believe you had such a perfect girlfriend. The very thought of her made you feel a little better no matter what. You really were lucky to have someone like her.

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azrielsdove · 9 months

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Requesting rhys x reader

reader has an eating disorder that rhys thought she was passed it. She tries to hide little things from him like wearing baggier clothes cause she’s losing weight. Once he has suspicions he starts making her meals but she just says she isn’t hungry or she already ate but he keeps pushing her to eat so she does. But he catches her in the bathroom throwing up after. He’s really angry at first but then just wants to help her stop so he peels food labels off everything, never leaves her alone, she can’t go to the bathroom by herself. He gets rid of scales and mirrors. Idk I’m just really feeling a super over protective /controlling rhys rn

Okay, this is not exactly what you asked for, but I really struggled to get too dark with it. I have definitely had this feeling before, and I couldn’t bring myself to write it as serious! I still wanted to do your request, knowing that sometimes it helps to see struggles like this in stories, and see them overcome it. I hope you still enjoy this, it is a little short but sweet I think. Please let me know!!

***

Beautiful Girl

Warnings: Negative body image

***

You looked over yourself in the mirror, admiring the way the dress fell on your body. It was tight, sheer, and sexy. You knew you looked good, having fought hard to get to this level of acceptance. You turned to the side, tracing your hands down the material. You were truly beautiful.

Cassian walked into the living room where you were still standing in front of the mirror. He whistled, the sound causing you to turn your head sharply. You smiled, spinning slowly for him. “Damn girl! You look hot.” You laughed, throwing your head back.

“Don’t let Rhys hear those sort of words come out of your mouth.” You chided, a smile on your lips. Cassian’s eyes looked affectionally over you, ever the flirt. His stare caught on the sheer paneling over your stomach, a teasing smile on his face.

“Guess I will need to up your training, get some abs on that body of yours!” He laughed, turning to sit on the couch to wait for the others.

You stilled.

You knew the words were a joke, hardly even anything negative. The small, terrible part of your mind suddenly started up, picking out all your imperfections as you looked on the mirror. You felt self conscious in this dress now, an embarrassment to Rhys. You had halfway decided to go change when he appeared in the room, walking over to you.

“My beautiful, perfect love. You look ravishing.” He sent a wicked smile your way, pressing a kiss to your lips. You couldn’t help but think about his hands on you waist, on how your body must feel under them. He noticed your hesitation, eyes catching yours. “You okay?” He asked quietly, worry filling his face. You forced a smile on your face and kissed him again.

“Never better.”

***

It had been a few days since Cassian made that comment and you were falling deeper into your mind. You would stand in front of the mirror before your baths, nitpicking every part of your body. You stopped wearing your normal tight revealing clothes, instead opting for loose and big. You even sized up in your fighting leather for training, allowing the looser form to hide your body.

Rhys noticed, of course.

He didn’t understand what had caused you to start to fall down this path again, when you had been doing so well. You hadn’t had any issues in years. He didn’t want to ask, knowing it would send you into a further spiral if he brought it up.

Instead, he took it upon himself to rid the house of anything that would hurt you. You woke up one morning to find all the mirrors were gone, Rhys acting like they had never existed. You found one of his shirts and a pair of loose trousers left out for you, slightly better than what you had been wearing. When you went to find Rhys in the kitchen, you found him with two plates of food for the both of you. He started making all your meals, showering you in compliments, leaving comfortable clothes out for you.

You finally broke at breakfast a few days later, overwhelmed with his actions. “Why have you been doing this?” You demanded, arms crossed in front of you. Rhys paused for a second, looking up at you.

“Doing what?” He asked, feigning innocence. You rolled your eyes and let out a long sigh.

“Rhysand,” you began, “the mirrors are gone. You’re making my meals, picking out my clothes. Why?”

There was a long pause.

“I noticed. How you were looking at yourself. Sizing up your clothing. I saw you in here sitting in front of a plate of barely anything, hardly touching it.” He stood, coming over to you. “This is not the first time i’ve seen this in you,” he spoke softly, “I know the signs.”

You remained silent, face flushed with embarrassment. He had caught you so easily, so quickly. “I- It just got bad again.” You whispered, looking down at the ground. Rhys cupped your face in his hands, bringing you back up to look at him.

“I know,” he said, “It isn’t always going to be easy. Lucky for you, I will be by your side to help you through.” He gave you a cocky smile, drawing a laugh from you. You leaned up and kissed him, love flowing through your body.

“Thank you, Rhys. For always protecting me, even from myself.” You noticed a faint blush on his neck at your words, smiling to yourself. Even after all these years, your words still affected him like that. He pulled you into a tight hug, holding you close.

“Can I ask what spurred this? To try to prevent it from happening again?” He asked, pulling away to look at your face. You debated not telling him, knowing Cassian would surely suffer. Unfortunately for him, you could never hide anything from the High Lord, your love.

“Cass made a comment the night we went to dinner, about ‘putting some abs on’. It wasn’t even an insult, just a joking tease about training. It hit me wrong I guess, sending my mind back into that dark hole.” Rhys’ eyes flashed with anger at your words, his arms holding onto you tighter. “He didn’t mean anything by it!” You assured, not wanting him to unleash his full wrath onto the General.

“I’m sure he didn’t,” Rhys said coolly, “but he needs to learn to be more careful with his words.”

***

You didn’t know what Rhys had said or done to Cassian, but the next day he was on his knees in front of you, dramatically begging your forgiveness and showering you in apologies. You laughed at him, pulling him up to his feet. “No hard feelings, Cass.” You assured, giving him a hug. “But maybe think before you speak next time.”

For the weeks after, Rhys continued to make your meals and lay out your clothes. His outfits slowly got tighter and more revealing, allowing you the time to sink back into your skin. He showered you with plenty of compliments in every one, making sure you smiled everyday. He assisted you in training, helping you get back to strengthening your body, not harming it. You began to feel confident again, even admiring yourself in the reflection of the window one night. Rhys had caught you standing there, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist. “Beautiful girl,” he murmured, kissing your neck softly. You leaned into his touch and looked at the image of the two of you, the power and love you exuded.

You were strong, powerful, and beautiful. Rhys had only pushed you to see that truth once again. You were the one that allowed his love to push down the darkness, instead of letting it swallow you up like it had before.

***

#acotar #acotar x reader #rhysand #rhys x reader #rhysand x reader #beautiful girl #requests

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avocado-writing · 10 months

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hey! first off, i love your writing so much.

secondly, i’d love to see an aziraphale x reader x crowley fic where the reader has some mental health issues (specifically like anxiety and depression) and they’re going through a really rough time at the moment (maybe they’re just in a really bad headspace or their meds aren’t working so they’re struggling really bad) and they just get support and comfort from aziracrow. (i’m ngl this is kind of a self indulgent ask bc i’m personally going through some bad mental health stuff rn -100/10 i do not recommend). anyways, there’s no rush at all i’m just a sucker for hurt/comfort and fluff.

hope you have an amazing day!

notes: finally getting around to clearing out my requests, sorry this took so long - I was sort of avoiding it for a while because I wasn’t in a great space either. I hope you’re doing better x

pairing: aziraphale x reader x crowley (could be read as platonic)

cw: depression/seasonal affective disorder

rating: T

It’s difficult.

Some days it feels like the fog won’t lift. The dark months, they always get you and it’s awful - you just want to sleep for a long time and not wake up until you know it will be better. You need to get your meds adjusted, really, but the idea of going outside and dealing with people is just a little bit sickening.

You can’t. You just can’t.

The lethargy that can only be brought on with melancholia plagues your every waking moment. You know that you’d forget to take care of yourself if it wasn’t for the two of them.

God knows they’re wonderful.

Every morning you wake up to a check-in text from Crowley, gently encouraging you to shower because they’ll be over soon. You find the effort to drag yourself to the bathroom and stand under the powerful jet for long enough that you start to zone out, only leaving the enclosure of water and steam when you hear the two of them walk into your flat.

You never gave them the key. They manage to get in anyway.

They bring breakfast - well, Aziraphale brings breakfast, and he eats it with you to make sure that you eat at all. That can be something that you forget. Crowley watches you over the rim of his coffee cup until he’s certain you’ve had an adequate amount, and then a miracle takes care of the washing up.

Then they’re around you for as much or as little as you want them to be, but never more than a phone call away.

One day you find yourself crying into your fried eggs, and the two of them look aghast. In a flash they’re by your side, holding you, a hand running up and down your back in comfort.

“My dear, what’s the matter?” Aziraphale asks, and you can hear him snap his jaw shut quickly because well, the depression is the matter. It’s so ridiculous you end up laughing through your sobs.

“Sorry. Sorry, I’m being silly,” you manage, wiping your eyes on your sleeve. “I just… you’re so wonderful to me. I don’t deserve it.”

“None of that,” Crowley chastises you, gently, “‘course you ‘deserve it’.”

“It isn’t a burden to look after someone you care about, darling,” Aziraphale adds.

And you can’t bring yourself to say anything more, so you just let yourself be held very tightly.

tags: @angiestopit @foolishprincipalitee @smile-eywa @staygoldsquatchling02 @underratedboogeyman @specter-soltare @candlewitch-cryptic @cool-ontherun-world @emilynissangtr @willbedecided @bdffkierenwalker @cool-iguana @ilyatan @civil-groupie @willyoubethepookietomypookster @lxsm2 @clarina04 @wtfhasmy-lifecometo @mrgatotortuga @wereallbrokenangels @night-affiliate @silcosmoke @kimqueenofhell @chewbrry @bajablast23 @h3k3t @am-i-obsessed---maybe @bakerstreethound@a-mediocore-writer@darktealrat @chaospossum @belilwen @rex-ray @hunterispunk

#aziraphale x reader x crowley #crowley x reader x aziraphale #good omens x reader #request

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softwaring · 1 year

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i feel like girl dinner is just a sign that ed culture is rotting our brains again. like labeling small snacks and sides as a feminine and demure thing to eat for dinner… and popeyes just duplicated their sides tab and called it girl dinner, that’s not like an entire meal in the picture. like they’re all listed as separate items, an order of fries is girl dinner. idk pls tell me if i’m wrong but this trend screams bad things to me. what do you think?

honestly as someone who struggled and struggles w anorexia i don’t see the problem, everyone’s EDs are different but for me this would encourage me to eat more than anything.

i like smaller meals and indecision can frustrate me to the point i jst don’t eat lmao. i also don’t think they’re trying to literally label that as a full healthy meal, just using the name a tiktok trend is using rn to capitalize on it. popeyes is just like any awful capitalist corporation so it’s all a marketing ploy but i don’t think it’s an affront to ppl/girls with eating disorders to have smaller carb based meals tbh

#ed mention -#like i can see the TikTok trend being used badly and as a way to promote ED too but it’s basically how you use it?#a dinner labeled a girl dinner doesn’t =/= an ED dinner #eating disorder tw

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plasmasimagination · 10 months

Note

Hi! I hope You’re doing well and I wanted to ask who you’d match me with from HSR, preferably the guys because ahhahdjsbdks my pfp, but ignore jingy rn I want your true and honest opinion. (I don’t mind a female suggestion either)

I’m going to really try and keep this short (I feel like I will fail this as I literally over-explain everything—) but don’t feel pressured at all to reply to this or anything! (I kinda feel i alr did this but im forgetful too help-)

A quick summary:

I’m afab, like 160cm(5’2? With chest which I hate because I want the dark academia dressing style (i dont have money)), she/they, libra, INFP, I’m sorry, I haven’t really had the hyperfixation on sun moon and rising and well astrology stuff tbh 😭

My personality (a mess im so sorry):

Well, I don’t think I could tell you. What I know of myself is that I try to be honest, I am loyal to my friends and probably obsessive when someone shows me interest and i dont know- (there’s some mental disorders going around, along a suspicion of autism) Personally I see myself as a shy annoying brat, while in reality I don’t ever initiate conversation and never know what to say unless it’s about a hyperfixation or something—AGAIN I OVEREXPLAIN EVERYTHING. My mouth doesn’t work as well as I’d like to, I cry too much (imo) I’m sensitive to well a lot, I get overstimulated quickly depending on the situation and um well I’m a picky eater I guess.

RAHHH I LOVE FOOD. And I’m chubby. I’m VERY self conscious and messy (which I’m sure you’ve noticed if you got this far)

Fun fact! If i were to live alone (still living with parents because house market is hell) I’d probably forget to eat a lot/overeat even more than I already do. Why? Because I don’t feel it. I don’t feel a limit to my ‘hunger’ and I don’t even really think I feel hungry at times.

Also, I hate to be perceived by people. It makes me feel like… too much alive. I don’t really feel a connection between my mind and my body, like someone sees my body and I’m just: THAT AINT ME YALL PLEASE IT AINT MEEEEE 😭😭😭😭 but id never say that bc again, my mouth doesn’t work.

I think I’m pretty useless at a lot too, but I don’t mean for this to be a traumadump thingy, which I also don’t realise when I should stop or not like RIGHT NOW I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP (the doubt is real, I’m so sorry—)

LAST THING!

I’m a Jing Yuan simp, obviously, name and all, but I also firmly believe we wouldn’t be good together? Like he’d be great for me. But what would I bring to him? Besides messy thoughts and nothing?… Which is literally nothing. I want to be someone he could properly rely on and not just a hopeless random girlypop who stops processing information after something becomes a bit too much mentally.

I have my serious moments, which will for most part go unnoticed online, but it’s not like I’m inherently useful or whatever. I feel like I’m really lacking in lots of aspects, and yes I’m aware I’m not ‘old’ yet, but my thoughts eat me alive and I won’t be surprised if I well blablah me me me I hate talking about me. Nothing bad even happened I’m just weird at this point, apologies! (Im a mess, my mind is still that 12 year old kid who just wanted a good hug from her mom and a good chat with her mom without all the school and later college problems aghh I wanna be 5 again.)

ANYWAYS if you made it this far, kudos to your determination anddd i hope you stay hydrated! And eat well. Health before anything.

I FAILED TO KEEP IT SHORT. Sorry I- AAAA that’s how my brain is.

Good god jingsnuggler you're Litteraly the best request I've had in my inbox- (IM SORRY MY OTHER CUTIEPIES DONT GET JEALOUS)

And I also was scrolling from like bottom to top to write some request and saw your pfp and was like "wait didn't I just recently get another one of them?" And I was right >:} You really did stay in my memory HSHSHS anyways anyways not tryna chit chat too long since we know why you're here, and I'll use both of your submits to give you the perfect match...

Drumrolls please....

🥁🥁🥁

JING YUAN!

WAIT ! LISTEN IM NOT BIASED.

I genuinely with all of my heart think that you guys would be perfect like no joke

He would balance you out, just fine.

He's a gentle soul, and would find you very amusing and enjoy being around you

Your talkative and bubbly nature would soothe his soul and calm him even.

Sensitive personality? Don't worry Jing yuan will pat your head and tell you it's fine

Forget to eat? Jing yuan will take note of it. And make sure you never forget. Ever

Okay enough of fluff you said you don't think you have anything to offer for him while I strongly disagree

I think Jing yuan needs someone who can keep him entertained, someone that can talk to him, he's a lonely man believe it or not, he doesn't really interact much with plp other than Yanqing, and between you and me Yanqing is boring af

So he'll greatly appreciate having a small birdie on his shoulder that will tell him all that they think , after hours of doing general work all he would need is to have someone talk to him about some casual stuff and random thoughts, yk?

I also think he would turn to you in case of a crisis, sometimes just come home to you and lay down to cuddle with you, it comforts him somewhat, youre like his stress reliever, hes usually very reserved and calm with other people, but with you..it's so different

To him you're like a fresh breath of air, like just a slap to the face to wake him up, you keep him from going freaking insane

I don't think Jing yuan is usually fit for people with a personality of like blade or Dan Heng (just an example of personality I am no shipper nor anti shipper don't shoot me)

Like ...yeah I guess they can be friends but like...Jing yuan wouldn't click with them? I don't know how to explain it but jing yuan needs someone lively and like all over the place, so he can take time to slowly organize you and your thoughts in his mind.

Phew that's all from me, sending lots of hugs and loves I hope to see you around on my blog since you're a small blessing on my acc (≧◡≦) ♡

#hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #honkai x reader #jing yuan x you #jing yuan x y/n #honkai jing yuan #jing yuan x reader #jing yuan

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duckymcdoorknob · 2 years

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Could I have an emergency request please? I feel like I still have to be nice about it.

Not only is a triple blow, but I’ve relapsed, another time with my eating disorder and had suicidal thoughts from family. It’s just getting so bad and loud again I’m so sorry.

Could I have Reki kyan comforting his s/o with this kind of problem?

Hell yes you can.

I’m pushing this up so far because Reki is such a comfort character and I FEEL EXACTLY AS YOU DO RN.

I’m so damn proud of you for reaching out to me. Please let me know if you need anything at all.

I love you, anon.

CW BELOW THE CUT: ED behaviors, Suic1dal Thoughts.

𝑅𝑒𝑘𝑖 𝐾𝑦𝑎𝑛

Anyone who sees you and Reki together will immediately argue that the two of you are soulmates.

You both fit like peas in a pod, mutually loving and supporting each other no matter the issue. So, when you suddenly distanced yourself from him, Reki was instantly concerned.

His attempts to keep his daily life at bay failed, for he was only worried about you and what was eating you.

Mr. Oka noticed, telling him to take a few days off. So, he hung out at Sia La Luce during the evenings. He met with his friends, mind swimming.

Langa and Miya noticed, asking him if he had been taking care of himself. Shadow noticed, offering to fight whoever Reki needed him to. Finally, Joe and Cherry noticed, the pink-haired male cutting into the thick tension.

“Reki, what could be causing you so much stress?”

“(Y/N).” He answered breathlessly, taking his head through his hands, “They’ve disappeared on me. I haven’t spoken to them in about three days, and I’m just so worried about them I-“

“I saw them yesterday.” Langa interrupted suddenly, “They were at our spot in the park last night. I tried to say hi, but they ignored me. If I’m being honest, they’re probably there again tonight.”

Reki’s eyes widened as he jumped out of his seat, immediately looking to Joe for permission.

“Go, Kiddo. I’ll keep your plate warm.” The man said, wrapping the boy in a jacket.

Reki wasted no time grabbing his own jacket, in the event that you would need one, and raced to the park on his skateboard. To his relief, you were exactly where Langa said you were.

“(Y/N)!” He called, sprinting toward you, “Sweetheart, hey, can you hear me?”

You look up at him, shivering violently with tears in your eyes. Your boyfriend carefully placed the jacket on your shoulders. He sat down on the bench next to you, “I’m here when you’re ready to talk to me, love.”

Instead of talking, you simply fell forward into his chest and let out all of your lamentations. Reki held you securely, rubbing the top of your head with one hand, and holding your waist with another. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you. It’s alright.” He whispered.

Your love held you as you finally were able to cry out all of the pent up troubles. You inevitably stained his signature yellow hoodie, but he couldn’t give two shits right now.

“Reki I-I’m… I’m so sorry,” you whimpered.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Your boyfriend reassured you, “Keeping stuff inside will just tear you apart eventually.”

“I- I don’t.. I don’t know if im ready…” you whisper in reply.

“Then don’t be. I have as long as you need.”

After a few more minutes of quiet reassurance, you were finally ready to tell Reki of your week.

“M-My family…” you began, “They’re uh.. heh, being themselves again.”

“I see.”

“I just don’t really want to be here anymore.” You admit. “I-I hate who I am. I can’t stomach a single thing. Even the thought of eating makes me so sick. You shouldn’t be here, I don’t want you to be burdened with taking care of me.”

“(Y/N), sweetie-pie, there’s no place I’d rather be.” Reki replied with a gentle smile, “If it means that I can get you to acknowledge that how you’re feeling is okay, I’ll stay with you till infinity.”

“I want you to know first and foremost, that I love you to the moon and back. There isn’t a thing about you that I would change, and I hope that one day I can help you see that. You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met, that’s precisely why I’ve fallen so in love with you.”

“I want you here by my side until we’re both old and wrinkly, playing card games in a nursing home.” This comment got a watery chuckle out of you.

“I love you, Reki.” You replied, wiping your tears.

“I love you too, (Y/N). You’re so amazing, and I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You’re worth so much more than you think you are, and there’s just something about you that makes me love you so much more every time I see you. It will get better, I promise you. We’re not going to be stuck here forever, the clock will continue to run.”

“Now, if you’re feeling up to it, I can ask Joe to make you something very light at Sia La Luce, so you can join us for dinner. If not, you are more than welcome to come home with me. We can watch that one video compilation of the cats that you love so much.”

Regardless of your decision for dinner, you opted to join Reki at Joe’s restaurant. You were very pleased to see everyone, especially after a very enthusiastic hug from little Miya(who promptly let go and muttered insults along the lines of “stupid slime, making me worry”).

It would be a long journey to self love and re-discovery. But, you knew in your heart that if Reki was by your side, there’s nothing that you couldn’t do.

—————♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎—————

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dear-space-cadet · 1 month

Text

having an eating disorder that doesn’t even have any body image component is so funny bc like. I don’t even want to be skinny. I just feel like I’d probably need to die if I tasted anything rn. I hate the tastes. NO MORE TASTES 2024

#says the trilobite #cw ed

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moonstruckme · 1 year

Note

Hi! I am absolutely in love with your writing! The way you portray our boys is just *chefs kiss*

Anywho, I was wondering if I could request poly!marauders x plus size reader? Maybe she is very confident until somebody picks on her and she starts becoming obsessed with dieting and stuff. (I'm struggling a lot with that rn) just a bunch of worry and comfort from our boys.

If you don't feel comfortable writing this or just the prompt I gave it's okay. Ily!♡

Hi, thanks for requesting my love! I'm really sorry you're struggling right now, I know how hard it can be and hope you're doing your best to take good care of yourself. You're beautiful just as you are <33

cw: size insecurity, behavior that hints at disordered eating

poly!marauders x plus size!reader ♡ 1.2k words

The worst part is, you know they weren’t even really trying to insult you.

You smiled as best you could, said your thanks politely, and moved on. Moved on outwardly, that is. Inside, the words play over and over in your head, like a song on the radio that gets worse each time you listen to it. It wasn’t that they were vicious, or particularly clever, or even wrong. It’s just, you’re not used to people commenting on your body like that.

You know you’re not skinny. So does everyone else. Neither of you typically feel the need to confer about it. Every now and again, some cruel busybody will say something, but that��s fairly easy to brush off. They’re insecure about their own looks, they have nothing better to do than fixate on strangers’ appearances, they’ve probably been on diet pills since they were twelve. You wish them well and mostly forget about it. But what’s worse is when someone comes to you with good intentions. The idea of being perceived as pitiful or wrong—really, having your physical form perceived at all—by someone who seems to want the best for you is what really hurts. That’s what makes you want to hide, to shrink yourself down until they can’t see you anymore. To become the invisible status quo.

It’s why, over the last few days, anything skintight or remotely showy has been relegated to the back of your closet in favor of things that hide your figure. Why you’ve stopped drawing attention to yourself with colorful makeup and instead started focusing on your health. Well, your health as it presents itself externally.

“Anyone else fancy a dessert?” Sirius muses as you sit reading on the couch, Remus reading the next book in the series beside you.

“Um, no,” James says, holding up a hand of cards from the game he and Sirius have been playing, “you only want to go so you don’t have to stick around and lose.”

“Whatever my other, subconscious motives may be,” Sirius says guilelessly, “I really feel like something chocolate. Don’t you, Moons?”

That’s always a safe bet. Remus looks up from his book, intrigued. “I could go for some chocolate.”

Sirius grins. “What about you, gorgeous?”

That’s usually a safe bet too. But you shouldn’t. “Thanks, but I’m still full from dinner.”

Sirius looks cheated, and Remus cocks his head at you. “Really? Didn’t seem like you ate much.” He’s not wrong. Remus had made the most incredible feta pasta, it was borderline heartbreaking to leave any on your plate. But you’re trying to practice restraint, and thankfully, James had happily taken care of your leftovers for you. “Did you have a late lunch or something?”

“Mhm.”

James looks up, eyebrows furrow bemusedly behind his glasses. “No you didn’t, angel. You said you didn’t feel like lunch after we had breakfast together, remember?”

“Oh.” You nod. So what? You’d had a late breakfast, and a decently sized dinner, and why do you really need more than two meals anyway? Who made that rule? You’re a bit hungry, but your body just needs time to adjust to your new routine. It’s used to overindulging. And nothing about today means you deserve dessert. “Right.”

Sirius wraps his fingers delicately around your ankle, smoothing a path up your shin with his palm. “Darling,” he says, and he looks distracted as he runs his fingers over the old scars on your knee, but you know him well enough to recognize when he’s keyed in, “did you eat anything today, other than breakfast and that little bit of dinner? Any snacks or anything?”

You can’t help the little rush of pride that goes through you. “No.”

Sirius doesn’t look proud. In fact, he’s frowning, as are Remus and James. You change tactics. “I’m not really hungry, though.”

“No?” Sirius' voice is unsettlingly gentle. “Why don’t you want to have dessert tonight, pretty girl?”

“Because,” you say, beginning to feel defensive (though you’re not sure of what), “I don’t need it.”

“It’s not about need, though,” James says, and why is it beginning to feel like you’re in an argument? “It’s about what you want. Do you want a little something sweet?”

“I…” Yes. The answer is yes, but do you want it more than you want to feel good about yourself? “I think what I want more is to prove to myself that I can go without it.”

Remus’ scars shift as his face scrunches in concern. “Dove,” he says, and you can’t decide if his tone is more reprimand or pity. You don’t like either option. “Where is this coming from?”

“I’m just…I’m trying something new,” you decide. “I want to lose a little weight, okay? Nothing crazy.”

“But why?” James sets down his cards, looking completely befuddled. “Angel, you’re gorgeous. You can do whatever you want, but we love you just like you are.”

“And,” Sirius adds before you can reply, “we love you most when you’re happy. I sort of thought,” he says, lowering his voice like he’s telling you a secret, “that our late-night treat runs made you happy. No?”

“They do.” You pull your legs up onto the couch, away from Sirius’ touch. “I just…I think it would make me happy to be a more normal size, too.”

Remus looks gutted. “Honey, you…it’s your body, and you should do whatever feels right for you to be healthy, but…we love you like this,” he insists, ardent. “You’re beautiful, I mean it, and I hate the idea that you might want to change for…well, for anyone other than yourself.”

You hesitate. You’re not actually sure who you’re doing this for. When had you become one of the people who want for you to be smaller so desperately? “You seriously don’t think I would look better if I were thinner?” You’ve never been one to put much stock into what any men think of your appearance, so you feel silly for asking, but you’re in a vulnerable state. And really, don’t all guys want a girl that looks like the love interests in the movies you all grew up with?

James looks you in the eye, letting you see the earnestness in his as he says, “You’re absolutely lovely, right here, right now. We wouldn’t change a thing.”

Your answering smile is oddly watery. Remus makes an awfully lovely cooing sound, leaning over to wrap an arm around your waist and paying no mind to the chub there as he pulls you into his side. “Don’t be upset, darling. You know what I bet will cheer you up?” He smiles as you look up at him questioningly, kissing between your brows. “Some chocolate. How would you feel about that?”

You let out a quiet little laugh. “Pretty good.”

“Yes!” Sirius pumps his fist in the air, already abandoning his cards and standing up. “I knew you’d come through, gorgeous. Now I think the more pressing question is, do we want chocolate pastries or chocolate ice cream?”

“Ice cream, obviously,” James says. “Before it gets so cold out we don’t feel like it.”

“Not all of us suffer from weather constraints,” Sirius argues. “I vote pastry.”

“Why would you bring ice cream up if you didn’t want it? Think long and hard, Pads. Are you going to feel like a frozen dessert when you need three layers to go outside in a few weeks?”

Remus rolls his eyes at you as you follow them out the door, letting your boys continue their bickering all the way to the store.

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