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#I don’t think she’d judge me for it! she’s very chill but also anyone knowing your ao3 username is uhhhh
herembers · 1 year
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A friend of mine was reading THG for the first time recently and she was saying how she wished there was a book from Peeta’s POV and I was like…uh…there is…sorta…gave her a link to Peeta’s Games on Ao3 and she’s like, “wow omg this is so cool. How did you find this site???”
Meanwhile I’m sweating… listen, friend, 😔 don’t make me spell it out for you lmao
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teabookgremlin · 1 year
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babe wake up lila’s thoughts on yellowjackets 02x04 just dropped. as per usual spoilers below cut. i loved this week’s ep so very hyped to share my thoughts!
- obsessed w/ fugue state tai at jessica roberts’ house. she was on a fucking mission and i respect it. i really liked having her wake up on the way to find van, i was kinda hoping she’d only come to once arriving at van’s shop but i liked to see that tai still had the same goal as other tai
- kinda obsessed with the new cover of the intro song, i mean it always goes so hard but it definitely slapped this week, wonder if it’ll stay this way for the rest of the season or not
- I DO NOT TRUST WALTER he knows what misty likes just too well. the musicals, the flattery, calling her a good friend, he wants something from her and he is trying to get her to trust him. i doubt she will and i want him to die at her hand but we’ll see as long as they don’t end up a couple i’m chill
- misty and crystal singing and annoying the others i love these loser girls so much
- who do we think stole some of the bear? i would say ben but like it would be hard for him to get out there without anyone noticing and i don’t think he has the motivation to go through extra effort for food rn. maybe javi? i don’t think sleep walking tai bc van has been following her. adding this to the list of cabin mysteries right next to who shit in the piss bucket
- “what exactly would you do about it, eat me?” ben no longer gives a fuck he is so ready to be bitchy to these cannibal teenagers and i love that for him
- very interested by lottie this episode oh boy, but as i’m going chronologically lets start with her silence when the hunting competition was proposed. it’s really interesting to me how she doesn’t seem to want this at all, like she does not want the influence she has over the girls, she does not want to be seen as this power and i’m intrigued to know if that’ll change at all
- now onto adult lottie: i want to know if something in particular happened to make her so scared of her visions bc in the wilderness so far she’s just been kinda going along with them so i’m curious to see when that shift occurs
- need to know what the dripping is that mari hears and absolutely loved her asking akilah to help her find it. mari is a hater to everyone but her we love to see it
- AKILAH MY BEST FRIEND AKILAH THE LITTLE MOUSE FRIEND SO FUCKING CUTE AKILAH IS JUST LIKE ME FOR REAL
- lottie returned to bear heart altar to perform a blood sacrifice —> did this bring the moose in some way? 
- obsessed with nat being so protective over lisa when they were with her mother that was so sweet nat really is the kindest of the bunch
- “not a bad person just a bad criminal” shauna you are in not position to judge how good a criminal someone is you also kinda suck at it
- nat taking the fish was so cute
- i don’t even know what to say about lottie’s hallucination except i’m in pain and lottie lee is real we won but i’m still very sad
- nat after they lost the moose made me want to cry. she is putting so much pressure on herself to feed everyone and just ugh she is making me feel things. and then her blaming herself for lottie almost dying too my girl <3
- LOTTIENAT that’s it that’s all i have for the tub scene
- so intrigued by the queen of hearts w/ eyes scratched out, maybe some connection to man w/ no eyes? connection to antler queen? idk maybe we will see lottie find out about man w/ no eyes and that’ll mean something?
- what the fuck happened to javi. where was he. how’d he survive. what’s wrong with him. is that even the real javi. i have many questions
- i think that van becoming increasingly convinced that tai has a connection to wilderness is going to lead to tai leaning into it more to stay close to van. their dynamic will probably start to shift more and i’m so interested to see how
- ok now onto the best part: ADULT TAIVAN THEY ARE HERE WE HAVE THEM MY BELOVEDS HAVE BEEN REUNITED
- just van’s expression when seeing tai, the little barely there smile as she says her name, her little shop, she’s real she’s here i love her she’s amazing thank you lauren
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thefanficmonster · 3 years
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Rumors
Corpse Husband x Bimbo!Reader (Female)
Warnings: Mentions of Slut Shaming, Swearing
Genre: Fluff, Tiniest bit of Angst, RPF (Real Person Fic)
Summary: When some rumors start floating around, every content creator does their best to either ignore them or defuse the situation. However, sometimes, the fans attempt to do the defusing themselves which only leads to a worse disaster. That’s the case for Corpse whose fans were quick to jump to his protection of some ‘false’ rumors.
Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request, it was a joy to write. I’m sorry for how long it has taken me to complete and post the fic but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy reading it at least half as much as I enjoyed writing it! Love, Vy ❤
Corpse cracks his knuckles, then his shoulders, then his collarbone, then the his neck. He clenches his jaw as he breathes steadily and rhythmically, trying to control an overwhelming wave of anger that he has never felt before. This is a situation he’s never had to deal with nor did he ever think he’d have to deal with and address on a fucking livestream on top of all, but here he is now, doing his best to count to ten and not go on a Twitter responding spree, calling people out on their bullshit. He wanted to do so, he still wants to, but he was stopped in his intentions and brought to a calm mindset where he was swayed into dealing with this the civil way and not by roasting the fuck out of any and every foul-mouthed person he’s seen on his Twitter timeline.
He can’t really guarantee and civility during the stream either, he’s aware his tolerance is as thin as a stretched out, old rubber band and is a slight tug away from snapping and allowing him to unleash hell on these people because of who he’s been seeing red these past few days. 
Let’s not risk a misunderstanding here - Corpse absolutely loves and adores his fans, but seeing this behavior from them is quite upsetting and disappointing. When he uses the terms like ‘assholes’, ‘jerks’ and ‘rude motherfuckers’ he isn’t referring to them. He knows they are good people, but are using the completely wrong tactic of defending him, not to mention he doesn’t even need defending. Even if he did, he’s more than capable of doing it on his own and not getting other people involved.
“Hello everyone, hope you’re doing well.“ He finally settles on saying, officially kicking off the stream. If there’s any indicator of the serious nature of this stream, it’s probably the lack of lo-fi and the lack of even attempted playfulness and cheeriness in his voice. That’s how you know shit isn’t to be messed around about. “I just realized I didn’t specify what I’ll be doing in the Tweet, but I’ll tell you now, so those who aren’t interested in the subject or want to steer clear of the drama can leave. However, I wouldn’t advise clicking off considering this will be an overall, how do I say this, rant, of sorts? It’s meant to knock some sense in the people who have been spreading hate for a specific person on all social media platforms she’s active on.“
The majority of the viewers are already familiar with the subject, some even guilty of spreading the hate Corpse mentioned, but there are a few that are completely clueless - the ones actually not interested in online drama, not just saying they ‘hate drama’. With those people in mind, Corpse takes to addressing the issue from its very beginning.
“So, for a month now, me and this streamer, who’s also a TikTok star, by the name of Y/N have been interacting a lot on social media. She’s an incredibly sweet girl that a lot of people have prejudice towards. She’s very misjudged and misunderstood because people see he solely as her content, if that makes sense. They only know she’s that streamer who wears revealing clothes on her streams and posts risqué pictures on her Instagram. Like, no.“ Corpse cannot even fully believe he has to address this and that slut-shaming people is still a thing in the twenty-first century. He closes his eyes for a moment, fist tightening and his knuckles turning white, “I don’t understand how so many people can be so shallow and just plain jerks towards her in general, but then again - this is especially for my fans, the members of my fandom - I don’t understand the need you guys feel to put Y/N down to defend me from some ridiculous rumors as if it’s the first time I’ve had to deal with people talking shit for attention or to get someone canceled.“ He sighs, reminding himself to slow his roll as to not confuse any viewers who still don’t know the full story, “Anyway, back to the timeline of events. So, considering we’ve never interacted before, all the replying to comments, retweeting, liking posts and whatever sparked some dating rumors. Isn’t that just fucking hilarious - you see two people interacting on social media and the first thing that comes to mind is that they’re in a romantic relationship. Where did the friendship go? Does no one value or consider friendships to be a valid type of human relation anymore?“ He runs a hand through his hair, making another pause to clear his mind and prevent his frustration from overflowing. He promised he wouldn’t lose his cool and would remain calm and collected, but the more he talks about it the tighter he clenches his fist and the faster his heartrate is. His neck and ears are red from the tension he feels all over, almost like he’s physically restraining a raging wild animal and not just his own thoughts and emotions.
There’s layers to his anger, the lower ones - aka the ones he’s yet to get to - will be a nightmarish test of his self-control, he already knows it. Judging by how much of a toll this rant has already taken on him, his patience and control growing thinner and thinner, he’s not sure how he’ll power through the last layers without his voice raising awfully high in volume and his fists searching for some object to punch. To an ignorant eye, his reaction would seem exaggerated and overboard, but little does that ignorant eye know...
“When some of my fans saw those rumors, they reacted very badly. It was quite disappointing to see. Guys, I appreciate you standing up for me even though you shouldn’t do that - I can defend myself, not that this was a matter I needed defending from to begin with. But just the way some of you went about it was horrifically wrong and quite upsetting, to me but especially to Y/N herself.“ He can feel it, the aggravation growing, bubbling up in his chest, “What I saw disgusted me, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. The things some of you were saying...I couldn’t believe you are in fact the same people who are my fans, my lovely fans who I’ve always thought so highly of. Never did I think you could be able of slut-shaming so vulgarly and grossly, I couldn’t believe what I was reading.“
He has every right to be upset - the things being said about Y/N were truly awful and a lot of things being said were meant to defend Corpse and defuse the rumors, doing so while stomping all over Y/N and her content. Rightfully so, many of her fans were outraged and quick to jump to her defense but were unfortunately outnumbered, leading Corpse to believe not many of her fans are actually real or as dedicated as his which only fueled his fury further.
Anyway, let’s take a look at Y/N’s point of view. Being a content creator for as long as she has, refusing to change her style no matter how many people disagreed and insulted her about it, she’s grown quite used to people spitting insults at her on every social media possible. It’s sad how throughout the majority of her content creating career she’s only had haters, creeps and fake fans watching her videos and streams. Rare are those in her fandom who’d actually stick up for her and defend her in ‘scandals’ such as this one. However, no amount of experience with dealing with hate could have prepared her for this outpour of some of the meanest shit she’s ever heard and been called in her life.
Y/N likes the content she makes, she’s comfortable in her skin and loves her body. She loves showing it off too and nor she nor anyone who wants that deserves to be shamed for who they are and what they do, especially when they aren’t hurting anyone and their content is still appropriate. People have always bashed her for all elements of who she is: her appearance, her clothing style, her streams, her gaming skills, her voice on occasion. She can count the instances when she’s received positive feedback on the fingers of her hands which would depress anyone else but not her. She’s always created content for her own amusement and entertainment so people’s opinions never really bothered her. Until now, until this very drama that has hit a specific nerve, an insecurity of hers she’s never talked about. The comments such as:
(Vy Speaking: Comments containing slut-shaming ahead, go to ### if you want to skip)
“Corpse would never date a slut like her“
“Corpse dating this thot? Please internet stop being ridiculous“
“Corpse ain’t a pimp, y’all need to chill“
“Even if they datin they gon break up soon - whore stays a whore“
###
bothered her far more than she’d like to admit. She has no one to open up about it either, she knows what she’ll get in response if she does - she’ll be told it’s her fault. Her fault because of the way she dresses, the way she talks and acts, because she chose this career to begin with. All her fault. The only person she can turn to she refuses to because she doesn’t want to be a bother - not after so many people confirmed her worries that she’s not good enough for him already anyway, the least she can do is avoid bothering him the best she can.
And that is exactly why this has upset Corpse so much.
“Here’s a little message specifically meant for those who claimed I’d never date someone like Y/N or specifically Y/N. You better listen carefully: Don’t you ever, and I mean EVER slut-shame my girlfriend or any other person ever. I cannot believe I have to explicitly remind you that your behavior isn’t ok. You should fucking know that your behavior isn’t right and that you’re a massive piece of shit for saying those awful things about others you judge solely on appearance and clothing. Does it surprise you that I am, in fact, dating Y/N? If you say yes for the reason you think she’s not good enough for me or that I deserve better, please get the fuck out of my fandom. No one disrespects my girl and gets away with it. That’s final!“
Though still under the influence of a flurry of negative emotions, overhearing Corpse literally telling people to exclude themselves from his fandom for being mean to her, Y/N’s taking a step towards emotional recovery knowing her boyfriend will always have her back. He’ll always be there to prove people wrong, defend her and stand by her. He’ll be there to catch her when the hate knocks her off her feet.
But most importantly: he’ll never ask her to change. Not her style, not her clothes, not her personality, nothing. He fell for her the way she is and for who she is, and he will never allow anyone to try to change her either. For someone who’s never had much support all her life, a single speck of support overpowers all the hate within the blink of an eye. Corpse will always be her knight in shining armor, the knight who defeated all the hateful demons by just entering her life. And though she’s still struggling with the ‘Am I good enough for someone so wonderful?’ and ‘He deserves better, doesn’t he?’ questions, with his hand holding hers, she’ll never let those doubts and insecurities overpower her.
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kpopfanfictrash · 4 years
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Raise the Barre (Ch. 11)
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Author: kpopfanfictrash
Pairing: Jimin / Reader
Rating: 18+ (Eventual Smut)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers / Dance Academy!AU
Warnings: ANGST part 3! But again, with progress attached.
Word Count: 10,246
Summary: You and Park Jimin have been rivals for as long as you’ve known one another; ever since he tripped you in the front row of your first dance convention. When you graduate from high school and enter Russet Ballet Academy, you tell yourself you’re leaving all past quarrels behind. The main problem with this though, is that your past seems determined not to leave you alone.
Worse still, the obstacles you face while out in the real world might prove more challenging than anything your enemy has to offer.  
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When you woke Saturday morning, you felt clearer about things than you’d felt all week. Your nap had lasted longer than intended, so when you woke around ten and groggily looked at your phone, you realized you’d missed your opportunity to talk to Finn.
He’d called around seven, but you seemed to have slept through this, and he’d left you no voicemail. Shooting him a text, you tried to stay up but promptly fell back asleep. When you woke to the sun streaming through your windows the next morning, you realized this was it. You’d reached a breaking point.
Pushing aside your covers, you climbed down from bed and began to get ready. Staring at yourself in the mirror, you fixed yourself up as best as you could before leaving the dorm. It was still early in the morning, the air containing a chill while you walked to the coffee shop. Finn still hadn’t responded to your text from the night prior, so you decided to give him an hour before you went over.
It had been three days since your fight in the library. If he didn’t know what to say to you by now, he could figure out what to say when he saw you in person. Steeling yourself for this possibility, you entered the shop and walked to the counter.
Staring at the holiday specials on the board, you felt nothing but numbness. As you ordered a peppermint latte and left a tip, you made a mental note to pick up Noelle one on your way home. She’d been the best friend to you this week – all weeks, really. Despite not knowing what was wrong, she’d done her best to cheer you up and be there for you.
Sipping your coffee at a table in the corner, you stared blankly at your phone. It was strange, being in a place you’d once been happy with Finn and no longer feeling attached to the memory. It was strange, contemplating the idea of breaking up with a cool sort of detachment, as though it were happening to someone other than you.
You wondered if all relationships reached a point where you simply felt tired. Maybe all humans had an emotional cap; a quota wherein all emotions following simply went unfelt. If this was this case, you imagined you might have hit yours.
Once your drink was finished, you stood and walked to place your mug in the bin. It had officially been an hour, which meant it was time to confront Finn at Redfield. Hiking your bag higher, you were about to leave the shop when you heard a familiar voice coming from behind a potted plant.
“Mom, are you serious?” Sabrina said, sounding upset. “This is a good thing.”
Uncertain, you paused. When you glanced around the fern, you saw Sabrina seated with someone unfamiliar at a table. The other person was a woman – older than you and, judging by the conversation, she seemed to be Sabrina’s mother.
Whoever she was, the woman sighed with the tone of someone who’d had this conversation before. “Tell me what’s good about it, Sabrina,” she demanded. “Vlad Copson is recommending you take additional classes outside of Russet.”
“I know.” Sabrina faltered. “It’s just because I asked about the contemporary dance program, though. I don’t… I don’t have a lot of experience in that area.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“I’m not saying it’s anyone’s fault, I’m just saying I want to–”
“We’ve been over this before, Sabrina. You need to work harder.”
Sabrina stopped talking. “I know.”
“Do you, though?” Pulling out her phone, her mother scrolled through her email. “You’ve had every advantage money could buy. Private lessons, an elite dance academy. How could you possibly be falling behind? It’s barely even the first semester.”
“Everyone’s talented at Russet, mom.”
Realizing you were staring, you side-stepped until you were hidden partway behind the fern. Mind racing, you wondered if this was what Sabrina had wanted to discuss. You’d had no idea she was interested in contemporary dance. She hadn’t seemed comfortable in the master class last week – but then again, maybe that’s what sparked this conversation.
It was strange to hear her sounding so small, so defeated. You were used to Sabrina being larger than life. If nothing else, the Sabrina you knew was confident – as soon as you thought this, a different memory came to mind. Something Jimin had said to you inside Dr. Gonzalez’s office.
He’d compared you to Sabrina and mentioned she was more insecure than you were.
“Why don’t you ask one of your friends for help?” said Sabrina’s mother. “Kelsey… or Alex?”
“Katie and Allison,” Sabrina stiffly corrected. “I asked them but um, they didn’t have time. You know… end of semester and stuff…”
She trailed off, sounding uncomfortable and you frowned. Again, you remembered last week’s master class. Sabrina’s friend Katie had stood beside Jungkook instead of helping her out. You’d thought it was weird at the time, but maybe they weren’t as close as you thought they were.
Or maybe they were similar, in that Katie wasn’t the type of person to help someone else when she had the chance to pull ahead.
Her mother made a noncommittal noise. “We’ll, you’ll just have to figure something out then, won’t you? I told you something like this would happen. That boy was a distraction. You’re better off now that you’ve ended things with him.”
Stiffening, you wondered if the boy they spoke about was Jimin, but then Sabrina scowled.
“Eamon was not a distraction,” she said, sounding sure of herself for the very first time.
Eyes widening, you stared. You’d had no idea Sabrina and Eamon were even a thing. Frantically, you thought back and tried to piece it together. You remembered Eamon leaving the dance floor at the club to head upstairs, which was where Sabrina had been sitting. Ten minutes later, she’d stormed into the downstairs bathroom in tears.
Based on what her mom was saying, it sounded as though Sabrina had broken up with Eamon. Immediately, your heart fell, and you wondered if your fight with Sabrina in the bathroom had been part of this aftermath.
“Still,” her mother said. “The time you spent with him was time you could’ve spent practicing! You’re young, Sabrina and ballerinas only perform until they’re thirty-five – if that. You’ll have plenty of time to date later on.”
“I barely even saw him as it was!”
“Maybe I need to cut the hours on your phone again.”
“You don’t need to do that,” Sabrina said tightly. “I need to go.” She stood from the table, chair scraping beneath her. “I told Katie we’d meet to head to a ballet class uptown. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Alright, then.”
Her mom didn’t seem concerned, waving goodbye like one might an acquaintance. Sabrina hovered a moment before hitching her bag to walk past. You realized you were still standing there, gawping at and swiftly sprang into action.
Pushing your way out the door, the bell jingled above you. You saw Sabrina’s head move but left before you could see if she’d noticed your presence. Hurrying down the sidewalk, you pulled your jacket tighter and kept your head down. That hadn’t seemed like a conversation you were meant to overhear.
Also, you weren’t sure what you’d overheard. As your steps began to slow, Sabrina’s comment from earlier in the year began to make sense. She’d relayed her mother’s advice on success – that only a few women ever made it to the top and as such, if Sabrina helped you to succeed, it’d be detrimental to her.
Having now seen Sabrina’s mom in action, you understood where she got this from. At the time, you’d been mad at Sabrina but now, you felt a strange sense of pity. The possibility of Sabrina falling behind had never crossed your mind and yet, it seemed Mr. Vlad had recommended extra classes. This made you think about what Jimin had said. Everyone at Russet was corrected, at some point of another.
At least you had a support system to fall back on, though; Sabrina had nothing. Her so-called friends had fled at the first sign of conflict and her mother didn’t seem interested beyond her ranking in class. This struck you as indescribably sad.
Unfortunately, you didn’t have time to linger upon Sabrina’s situation – as soon as you entered Redfield’s campus, all thoughts of Russet flew from your mind. Redfield University was such a short walk you’re your campus; if you did break up, it would be so awkward to run into Finn later on.
This was something you would’ve considered in high school, but you hadn’t imagined this to be a factor once you went to college. The realization made your heart sink, realizing how distant you’d become despite living so close together.
As you walked under Redfield’s archway, you exhaled a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. Orange-brown leaves crunched underfoot, seemingly having fallen from trees overnight. As you wound between dorms, you saw only a few people about at this hour. Pulling your bag higher, you hoped Finn would even be at his dorm.
He’d talked about moving off campus a few weeks ago – there wasn’t much space in the city for dorms, so students often moved out after freshman year, or even during their second semester. Maybe Finn would move further away and solve your concerns about running into each other.
Startled, you realized you were thinking about Finn in the past tense. Shaking this thought from mind, you stuffed your hands in your pockets and walked to his dorm. It took longer this time for someone to let you in – it seemed most of Redfield didn’t wake before 10:00 AM – but soon enough, you were climbing the steps to his room.
Your hands trembled as you walked down the hall, the lack of noise oddly suffocating when you stopped at his door. It took you a long moment to knock; several heartbeats you counted out like a watch.
After a second, you heard movement inside.
“Ben?” Finn called out, a bit groggy. “I already told you. I don’t want to get breakfast, I –”
He pulled open the door, revealing the entire room and you froze.
It was difficult to choose what to focus on first. Finn, in his boxers, Madison tugging on jeans, or the unmade bed behind them in the corner. Your gaze darted to each one in turn until, feeling suddenly nauseous, you stumbled backwards.
When he saw it was you, Finn froze in place. As soon as he came to his senses, he stepped into the hall and tried to shut the door, but it was too late. You’d already seen.
Every emotion you’d felt over the past couple of days rose to the surface. All the horror you’d felt, the self-flagellation you’d done – it had all been for nothing.
Suddenly livid, you began to see red.
“No,” you said, pushing past him. Shoving open the door, you glared hard at Madison. “I think I’d rather have this conversation in here. You should leave,” you informed her.
Finn muttered something which sounded like a curse. Madison glanced at him, startled and Finn slowly turned. Wrestling a hand through his hair, he seemed slightly panicked as he nodded at Madison.
“You should probably go, Maddie,” he said.
Hearing him speak, your vision blurred. He’d called Madison ‘Maddie’ in the library, but it suddenly struck you how familiar it was. How casual, how intimate her name sounded on his tongue. Closing your eyes, you forced the image from mind.
It refused to go.
Swallowing hard, you realized you couldn’t do this. You couldn’t have this conversation right now; couldn’t stay any longer.
Opening your eyes, you quickly shook your head. “I have to go,” you said, pushing past him. “Forget it, Finn. We’re done.”
As soon as you left, you bolted for the exit. Heading for the stairs, your blood pounded in your veins and drowned out all thought. You were grateful for this, since if you had time to think rationally, you’d think about Finn and Madison, half-dressed in the dorm.
Slamming open the door to the stairwell, you were halfway across the lobby when the elevator dinged and slid open.
“Y/N, wait!” Finn gasped, running out. He hopped on one foot as he slid on a sneaker. “Please – please, talk to me.”
You continued to walk. “There’s nothing to talk about, Finn.”
“There is,” he insisted, grabbing you by the elbow and turning you to face him.
Roughly, you shrugged him off.
“Please,” he begged, sounding desperate. “Please. I fucked up, Y/N. I fucked up so badly and I’m sorry.”
Freezing in place, you met his gaze.
You honestly couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Finn was asking you to forgive him. He was asking you to forgive him as though he wanted you to stay. He had cheated on you. Finn was an absolute idiot if he thought you’d forgive him after that. If he thought you could trust him after that.
Immediately, your heart sank because you’d cheated on him, as well – maybe not like this, but you’d cheated all the same.
Some of the anger drained from your body.
“What are you sorry about?” you said, turning to face him.
Finn shook his head. “For… that,” he said. “For you having to see that.”
“Are you sorry for sleeping with her?”
He winced. “Yes.”
Releasing a low laugh, you looked away. A strange thought occurred to you, and you remembered Yoongi’s reaction when he’d said the name Madison. It seemed too coincidental for you to have walked in on their first time together.
Still facing away from him, you asked, “How many times?”
Finn paused. He exhaled, sounding pained and you felt your heart stumble.
“Just once,” he whispered. “But… we kissed last weekend. I was really drunk on Halloween and I… apparently, we kissed.”
It hurt more than you thought it would. Like a physical punch to the gut, you imagined Finn with his body on hers, their lips molded together, and his hands tangled her hair.
Swallowing hard, you nodded. “Oh.”
“It was stupid,” Finn insisted, stepping forward. “The kiss on Halloween – I didn’t even remember it until Madison told me on Thursday. She was there when I came back from our fight and asked if I remembered what happened Saturday. I said that I didn’t. She explained what happened, we got to talking and I…”
“I get it,” you said tightly, looking back. “I don’t need a play-by-play.”
“Sorry.”
“I called you, Finn. Multiple times.”
“I know.” Lifting his palms, he rubbed at his eyes. “I know, but when I got your message… I didn’t want to talk anymore. I thought what I wanted was to break up with you and Madison… she was simple, you know? I was hurt, she was there and it just kind of happened.”
His words sounded so crushingly similar to how you’d felt with Jimin. It was like looking at a warped mirror of yourself and this was when you realized nothing about this was normal. The two of you had hurt each other too many times to ever get back.
“Please say something,” he said. “Y/N, please.”
“What do you want me to say?” you said quietly.
“I – I don’t know.”
After a moment, you said, “Do you still love me?”
“Yes,” Finn murmured.
When you made a dismissive noise, his gaze narrowed.
“It’s true,” Finn insisted, stepping closer. “I do love you. That’s what I realized when I woke up this morning. I rolled over and saw her and I just… I knew, Y/N. I’d made the worst mistake of my life. I woke up this morning and knew I didn’t want to break up after all.”
“Don’t… don’t do that,” you exhaled, looking away.
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t try and put this back together,” you bit out, eyes flashing. “If it took you sleeping with someone else to make you realize you wanted me, then I don’t know what to tell you.”
Finn was silent for a moment.
“I know,” he said miserably. “I know that you’re right, and I’m sorry.”
The words hung in the air and you couldn’t help it – you ached. The temptation to give in was right there. The temptation to forgive, to forget and let things go back to normal. But when you looked at Finn, you saw her, and you knew this could never be fixed.
“Why?” you said, voicing the first question you thought of.
He blinked. “Why, what?”
“Why her?”
“I…” He looked down. “I don’t know. She was my friend and then… I don’t know. She was there. Maddie listened to me, she paid attention and it felt like you were slipping further away.”
“So… you slept with her because she listened to you?”
Finn groaned and closed his eyes. “I don’t even know why I’m trying to explain. I can’t. I can’t explain this away, it can’t be excused… I’m sorry, Y/N.” Slowly, he shook his head. “So, so sorry.”
After a moment, you looked at the elevator. “Is she still up there?”
Finn opened his eyes and nodded.
“Tell her to go.”
Silently, he pulled out his phone and sent a text. Finn waited for a reply and once he got it, slipped his phone back in his pants.
“She’s taking the stairs down,” he said.
“Then let’s take the elevator.”
While you waited for this to come, you crossed both arms over your chest and stared at the numbers. You weren’t going upstairs because you thought Finn deserved a second chance. If anything, his infidelity made it clear you both wanted out. Your constant hurting each other meant more than the love you’d once shared.
This wasn’t love, anyways.
Hanging onto that ideal would only demolish you further. You were going upstairs because you owed that much to yourself. You deserved more than half-explanations and you weren’t leaving until you got them. You and Finn had been together two years at this point. If you left now and ran away, you’d always wonder what if.
When you entered his room, you came to a stop in the center. Yoongi wasn’t here and you felt a twinge of regret, realizing he’d been trying to tell you something Wednesday. Turning around, you slowly sat on the edge of his futon. This seemed a safer option than his bed.
Finn hovered a few feet away.
“So,” you said, looking up. “You still love me?”
“I do.”
Gently, you closed your eyes. “And you think that’s enough?”
Finn didn’t say anything at first, sensing a trap until at last, you sighed.
“It’s not enough,” you said, opening your eyes. “That’s what I was coming over to tell you. Finn, you haven’t even texted me since our fight on Wednesday. You just ghosted me, and I know – I know I’ve done that to you, too. But that’s the point! We keep hurting one another. Is this really the relationship you want?”
“No,” he said miserably.
“Then, what do you want?”
“What do you expect me to say to that?” he said, sounding frustrated.
“You’re the one who’s saying you love me,” you pointed out. “You’re the one who’s saying this was all a mistake. Do you really want to be together still, Finn?”
“Yes.”
“Bullshit!” You gave a bitter laugh. “Don’t just say the word without knowing what it means. Do you want to be in this relationship, Finn? I don’t mean the idyllic version of us. I mean the messy, right-now version. Do you really want that?”
He stared at you, uncertain. “I just… I want us how we used to be.”
“Don’t you see, though?” you whispered. “We can’t be that. I want that too, Finn, but so much has happened. Not just the cheating, but everything else. All the fighting, all the miscommunication. You have a specific idea of what your girlfriend should be, and I’m not it. Not anymore.”
“I don’t need any of that though,” Finn finally said. He sat beside you on the futon. “I mean, yeah. I’d like to see you more. I want to be with you more. But that’s just it. I want you. I –”
“I kissed Jimin.”
Finn immediately stopped. He stared at you a second, as though struggling to make sense of the words. When you turned and met gaze, you felt your heart break again. This wasn’t how you’d planned on telling him. You had wanted to explain, wanted to ease him into it, but it was clear Finn wouldn’t stop until he knew this was over.
His lips parted, and then his gaze narrowed. “When did this happen?”
“Wednesday.”
“So, after…” He paused, as though calculating. “After our fight.”
“Yeah. After you accused me of cheating with him.”
Finn sat back on the futon, a bit dazed. He stared at the wall for a long moment, then looked your way. “Was our fight… was that the reason…?”
“No,” you said sadly. “Or maybe. I don’t know. There were a lot of things. I was confused and upset, so I went to dance and Jimin was there…”
Trailing off, you heard the words said out loud and knew how similar they sounded to his. You had been upset and Jimin had been there. The main difference was, after Finn had cheated he’d realized he wanted to stay and you’d realized you needed to go.
Glancing at him, you waited for Finn to speak, but he didn’t.
“I was crying,” you whispered. “Jimin saw me and he asked what was wrong. He was being so nice and I just… I kissed him. I don’t know why.”
Finn slowly closed his eyes.
Now, you were the one waiting desperately for him to speak. “Say something.”
He shook his head. “I don’t… don’t know what to say. Do you want to be with him? Is that what this is about?”
“No, I – well, I don’t know.”
He opened his eyes in disbelief.  “You don’t know?”
“I wanted to come and talk to you,” you said, a bit frantic. “We haven’t talked since Wednesday and I needed to see what you felt.”
“What I felt?” Finn stared. “I felt like I’d fucked up, but I still loved you and wanted us to be together. Now, you’re telling me you don’t want that.”
“It’s not that I don’t want it. It’s just – how?” you blurted. “Finn, you cheated on me. How am I supposed to trust you after this? How are you supposed to trust me?”
His face crumpled a little. “I don’t know,” he said hoarsely. “And please… don’t say that’s all I seem to be able to say.”
You managed to smile, although this disappeared quickly.
“Guess you know me pretty well,” you said quietly.
Finn sat there and stared at the floor for a moment. “Yeah, I guess I do,” he exhaled. “Which is why I have to say… this thing with Jimin. It’s not just a kiss, is it?”
Slowly, you shook your head.
He closed his eyes. “Right. So… what now?”
“I think you know what now.”
Finn leaned back on the futon. “Were you planning on breaking up with me when you came over this morning?”
“I wanted to talk things out with you, Finn. Things have been so bad lately.”
“So, yes.”
“I honestly didn’t know.” You looked at him helplessly. “But after seeing you with her, it all seemed so clear. Finn, what are we doing? We’ve hurt each other so much and we keep on hurting each other.”
“I know.” Miserably, he looked away. “I just… I love you, Y/N.”
“I love you too, Finn.”
Honestly, you weren’t sure if you loved him anymore but seated on this futon, faced with the prospect of not being together, you couldn’t help but reminisce about the past. All the good times you’d spent, the laughter, the kisses and firsts that you’d shared. Finn had meant so much to you at one point. How your relationship ended didn’t change that.
Slowly, he turned, and you saw his eyes were red. “So, is this…” Choking a little, he swallowed. “Are we…?”
Heart breaking, you leaned in and wrapped your arms around him. Something wet landed on your shoulder and you realized he was crying. Hugging Finn tighter, you buried your face in his chest and felt your eyes start to water.
For a long time, you simply held one another and cried. It felt therapeutic, as though everything had changed but for only this moment, you’d found your way back. For a single moment, you let yourself believe the semester had never happened and none of this pain had ever come between you.
It didn’t work completely.
In the back of your mind, your heart continued to ache. The image of Finn with someone else remained and you couldn’t fully erase it. For a moment though, you let yourself play make-believe.
When you left his dorm hours later, you felt utterly exhausted. Finn had tried to convince you to stay longer, but you’d flatly refused. At some point, you needed to draw the line.
Coming to a stop outside Redfield, you stared at the brick archway and realized you wouldn’t see it again. You were single.
For a word which was supposed to feel freeing, it felt oddly heavy. Turning around, you began to walk in the direction of Russet. It didn’t take long to get there, entering Grace Hall and climbing the steps to your room in a numbed haze.
Noelle took one look at you when you entered and immediately shut her laptop. Dimly, you realized you’d forgotten her coffee. You needed to remember to do that tomorrow. Before you could make it two steps inside though, you felt the tears forming.
“Oh, no babe,” said Noelle, descending her ladder. “Don’t cry!”
As you plopped down on the futon, she joined, rubbing your back while you buried your face in your hands.
“I’m sorry,” you said, choking up a little. “I just – Finn…”
“What happened?”
“We… we broke up.”
“Oh, no, babe.”
“Yeah,” you said, wiping your eyes on your sleeve.
“What happened?”
“I…” You hesitated. “He cheated on me.”
“He what?” Noelle rose from the futon. “That crusty, limp lint ball. I will… I will cut off his balls with a rusty spoon!”
“I also kissed Jimin.”
Startled, she turned. “Oh.” Noelle paused. “Well. I’m still going to cut off Finn’s balls.”
Weakly, you laughed. Taking a deep breath, you found the whole story pouring out of you again. Noelle sat down, listening to you speak and nodding encouragingly. Oddly enough, as you told her everything, the weight on your chest seemed to lighten a little.
You’d thought it would be the opposite. This was one of the main reasons you’d kept things inside you for so long, not bothering to tell anyone what you were going through. The idea of burdening others made you feel guilty but talking to your mom had made you realize some truths about yourself.
It was the same thing with Noelle. Seeing her face when you described walking in on Finn and Madison was enough to reinforce you’d made the right decision. She was so livid when you told her, you needed to tug her back to the futon again.
“Okay, but you only kissed Jimin,” she insisted. “You stopped right away! And you know what Finn did? He avoided you for days, decided you were going to break up and then slept with someone else. He kissed her!” she said, arms flailing. “And thought hm, better go in deeper! God, I hate men.”
It hurt to laugh, but you couldn’t help it. Noelle was right. It was ridiculous when she put it like that. Yes, you’d fucked things up but at least you’d tried to fix it. At least you’d been realistic about what had happened. Finn had messed up and just wanted you to forgive him.
“The worst part was he tried to get me to stay,” you whispered, knees curled into your chest. “That really hurt, you know? It was like he didn’t realize how much he wanted me until he’d had someone else. I couldn’t stop thinking… what about the next time? What if every time things got hard, he ran off and stuck his dick in someone else?”
Although Noelle snorted, she shook her head. “He’s dumb, babe. And immature. Men that age always are.”
“I know,” you said quietly, staring at your knees. “But he was my dumb and immature guy. And now… I just feel kind of empty.”
“Ah, Y/N.”
“I know.” Closing your eyes, you shook your head. “It’s stupid, but I keep thinking about all the small things that’ll be different. Like, Finn loves this one video game and I used to send him memes I found on Twitter all the time. Or we were watching this TV show together and now, I’ll have to watch the next season alone. Or Finn won’t text me good morning, or tell me good night and I just…”
“Hey.” Noelle pulled you closer when you began to cry. “It’s okay, babe. Even if he hurt you, even if it was the right decision to break up – you can still be upset about it. You can still love him. Feelings like that don’t go away overnight.”
Weakly, you nodded. You knew Noelle was right but couldn’t help feeling broken. Everyone said the only thing which healed heartbreak was time. It was the only balm to this kind of pain, but on the first day of your breakup, time seemed like such a cruel concept.
“If it makes you feel better,” Noelle offered. “I’ll watch the TV show with you.”
“You don’t even know what it is.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
Weakly, you smiled. “You might end up regretting that.”
“I might,” she agreed, smiling as you pulled away.
Standing up from the futon, Noelle went to your minifridge and opened the freezer compartment. “Fuck weigh-ins,” she said, retrieving your ice cream and grabbing two spoons.
You both dug in, taking a large bite of fudge ripple. The treat tasted like sawdust on your tongue – somehow, you didn’t seem to have an appetite.
“I think you did the right thing, for what it’s worth,” Noelle offered.
“Yeah?” you said, taking another scoop. “Then, why does it suck so much?”
“Love sucks.”
“True.”
“He cheated, babe,” she said, a bit gentler.
“Yeah. I think that’s the worst part, though. I can kind of understand why he did.”
“Oh, no.” Noelle clucked her tongue. “Don’t go down that road.”
Weakly, you smiled. “It’s just… Finn was right. I never had time for him. I didn’t really fit in with his Redfield friends. His schedule always took a backseat to mine and I just… I can understand him not feeling like a priority in my life. What kind of girlfriend does that make me?”
“The strong kind.”
When you looked at her, Noelle seemed deadly serious. Lowering her ice cream spoon, she slowly exhaled.
“You’re a woman with ambition, Y/N,” she said quietly. “I won’t lie, that terrifies a lot of men. A lot of guys want their ego stroked and when their self-esteem can’t be fixed by someone else, they’ll blame you. You’re not a bad person for knowing what you want, though. When you find the right guy, he’ll love that about you.”
Immediately, your eyes watered. It was exactly what you’d needed to hear right now. Leaning forward, you hugged her again and silently thanked Russet Academy for pairing you as roommates.
You stayed awake for a while, ordering a pizza which Noelle forced you to eat. As she put on a movie and you settled into the futon, you thought more about Finn and what Noelle had said.
She was right, you knew. Finn didn’t want the kind of woman you’d become. The kind of woman he wanted wasn’t bad – not inherently. He wanted someone who fit into his life, someone who wasn’t defined by their career. Someone who could leave their job at five and spend time with him after.
It was fine to want those things, but it wasn’t okay to place those things on you. Possibly if you’d realized this earlier, none of this would’ve happened. It was pointless to wonder what-if, though. Before you came to Russet, you hadn’t even known this part of yourself existed.
You and Finn had spent two wonderful years together in high school. That wasn’t something you wanted to forget, but things between you were different now. It would be foolish to stay together while trying to ignore the fact that you both walked on different paths.
Somewhere in the middle of the second movie you dozed off and when you woke, you found Noelle turning off the lights and putting things away. Mumbling good night, you climbed into bed and plugged your phone into the wall.
Finn hadn’t texted, for which you were grateful.
Jimin hadn’t either.
Rolling over, you found you couldn’t think about him right now. There was too much to unpack, especially fresh off your breakup with Finn. You’d said things about Jimin you needed to digest, but you couldn’t afford to do that right now.
Right now, all you could do was start to recover.
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By Monday morning, you felt like a zombie. Noelle had done her best to distract you over the weekend, but the looming prospect of Monday drained whatever progress you’d made.
It was the closest you’d ever come to being late to class. The second hand was between 7:59 and 8:00 when you and Noelle entered the room. Setting your things down at the barre, you caught Mr. Vlad’s disapproving gaze before he shut the door.
He began to teach pliés and you found yourself falling into the familiar rhythm. All weekend long, you’d dreaded coming to dance because you knew you’d be distracted. In the past, whenever your personal life had fallen apart, this usually had resulted in mistakes in your professional. Not today.
Today, you let the soothing movement drag you under. The repetitive nature of warm-ups gave a much-needed break to your overworked mind. For the first time in days, your eyes didn’t water for unknown reasons. Overwhelmed with gratitude for the momentary peace, you threw yourself into your exercises at center.
When the time came to find your partner, you spotted Jimin for the first time today. He found you first, winding across the room to stand by your side.
He was silent for a moment, then glanced in your direction. “Hey.”
“Hey,” you said softly.
Jimin’s brow furrowed. He searched your face and seemed about to speak, but then Mr. Vlad began to teach. Falling quiet, Jimin learned the steps alongside you. He didn’t say anything more during adagio, but you caught him occasionally looking from the corner of your eye.
Feebly, you hoped you didn’t look too terrible. This was probably a lost cause, given you’d barely glanced in the mirror before leaving. Not that how you looked was a priority right now. It didn’t even crack the top ten, but you couldn’t help wanting Jimin to see you. Your conversation with Finn had been eye-opening in so many ways.
Not least of all was how you felt about Jimin. Finn had asked if you wanted to date him and you’d replied you didn’t know.
Just a week prior, you would’ve blustered your way through a response. You would’ve said of course, not but you would’ve been lying. Something important existed between you, but along with it came a sinking feeling.
Breaking up with Finn had been the most difficult decision you’d ever made. Everything Noelle had said was right – feelings didn’t disappear overnight, no matter how badly you wanted them to. No matter the pain he’d put you through and no matter the pain you’d caused him.
You had a lot you needed to learn before you began dating someone new. You’d thought you’d known what you wanted before and had been proven wrong. It would be equally foolish to think you knew what you wanted right now.
Besides, you had kissed Jimin while still dating Finn. That was a terrible foundation to a new relationship. Your own words came back to you about trusting Finn. He’d cheated on you with Madison and you knew that if you’d stayed, you would have always wondered if he’d do it again.
Maybe Jimin would always think this about you.
The thought made your chest ache since it could’ve been avoided. If you’d done something differently, if you’d been less stubborn and ended things with Finn earlier, you wouldn’t be feeling this way now.
Such thoughts were pointless though because they weren’t what had happened. It was meaningless to wonder what-if because the point was, you hadn’t. You hadn’t ended things earlier. You hadn’t left when Jimin found you that night. You’d made the choices which made the most sense at the time – or in a moment of weakness – and now, you needed to live with the consequences.
At the end of class, you were packing your things when you felt a shadow fall over your bag. Glancing up, you expected to see Jimin and found Sabrina before you.
Surprised, you sat back. You’d nearly forgotten about the conversation you’d overheard in the cafe but now, it all came rushing back. As you straightened, you caught sight of Jimin as he walked out the door and felt your stomach twist.
You had been hoping to catch Jimin after class to tell him – what, exactly?
You didn’t know what you’d wanted to say. You didn’t know what would be appropriate. Should you say you’d broken up with Finn? You didn’t want to give Jimin any kind of false hope. He should at least know you were sorry, though. You were sorry for kissing him, sorry you’d run away and sorry in general for messing things up so badly.
“Hey, Y/N.” Sabrina adjusted her bag. “Can we talk?”
After a moment, you nodded and zipped your bag shut. “Yeah,” you said as you stood. “Yeah, okay.”
Noelle walked past, hovering when she saw you speaking with Sabrina. Her gaze moved between you. “Are you heading back to the dorm, Y/N?”
“In a second,” you said, managing to smile. “I just need to do something first.”
Noelle nodded, but her gaze lingered before she walked away. You couldn’t blame her for her suspicion. Sabrina had been nothing but rude to you the entire year but now, you had a little more insight as to why.
Somehow, you couldn’t bring yourself to hate her. You kept contrasting your last phone call to your mom with the conversation you’d overheard. If Sabrina received that kind of support in her own home, it kind of made sense for her to be the way she was with ballet.
Sabrina turned, leaving the class as you followed. You walked beside her in silence until you reached a secluded part of the hall. Here, Sabrina turned and hesitated when she saw you. The difference was startling; you were so used to the version of Sabrina who was constantly on the defensive.
“Hey,” she repeated.
She didn’t add on, so you arched a brow. “Hey. Don’t take this the wrong way, Sabrina but – what do you want?”
Her upper lip quirked. Just as quickly, her expression smoothed to normalcy. “I thought I saw you on Saturday,” she said bluntly. “Was that you in the coffee shop near Grace?”
You paused, debating whether to lie but deciding it wasn’t worth it.
“Yeah,” you said. “That was me.”
“Did you hear what me and my mom were saying?”
Again, you hesitated but before you could respond, she rolled her eyes. “What am I saying?” Sabrina muttered. “I know you were close enough to overhear.”
Unwittingly, you almost smiled. It was kind of refreshing to hear her speak like this again. Your last interactions had thrown you, making you rethink who Sabrina was. Her bluntness was oddly comforting in its normalcy.
“Well, if you know I overheard, why are you asking?” you shot back. “Look – you don’t need to worry about me telling anyone. I’ll forget what I heard, and we can go back to hating each other. I don’t care about your personal life, Sabrina.”
A flicker of something unknown passed over her face. She nodded, curt and you turned to leave – but then she exhaled.
“Wait,” she said quietly.
Stopping in your tracks, you looked over your shoulder. “What?”
Sabrina made the oddest expression, halfway between regret and disgust. “I wanted to apologize,” she said at last.
Eyes widening, you froze. Seeming to mistake your silence for anger, Sabrina barreled on.
“That’s why I wanted to talk the other day in class,” she admitted. “It’s been bothering me all week what went down on Halloween. I wasn’t in a good place then and I took that out on you. I – I’m sorry about that.”
Finally, you managed to shake yourself free.
“You’re… apologizing? To me?”
“Yes. Listen, this is awkward enough without me having to repeat myself.”
Again, you suppressed a smile. Folding your arms over your chest, you forced a stern expression. “Yeah, well, forgive me if I’m having trouble comprehending,” you said. “You don’t really seem like the apology type.”
“I’m not.”
“Then, why are you now?”
Sabrina exhaled and looked away. “I’m not going to pretend I regret everything that’s happened between us this year,” she said. “Most of it I stand by. But… it wasn’t your fault I snapped at you on Halloween. I was down and I was feeling jealous.”
Your eyes widened. “Jealous? Of me?”
She nodded, then looked back. “I got crappy feedback during the master class and then you came over, inviting me out on Halloween like some pity invitation. I know,” she said, catching your look. “Maybe that’s not what you intended, but that’s what it felt like. And then I was at that party, looking around and… I just realized no one liked me.”
More than anything else, this startled you. You hadn’t seen Sabrina much at the party but hadn’t heard anything negative, so you’d assumed she had a good time.
“I never really thought you’d be worried about something that,” you said cautiously. “Whether people liked you, or not.”
“Most of the time I don’t.” Sabrina paused. “Well. I don’t know. It’s hard,” she admitted, playing with a thread on her bag. “For the most part, I don’t. But sometimes…”
“Sometimes you do,” you finished.
“Yeah.” She nodded. “I know it’s no one’s fault but mine. I’m the one who pushes people away, who refused to help you when you asked. I was the one who left Jimin on read when he said he just wanted to be friends.”
“He… what?” you said, snagging on this thought.
Sabrina rolled her eyes. “You two really need to work through whatever’s going on between you. But anyways,” she continued. “I was going through a lot and… and I just lashed out. You were the one who happened to be closest.”
 “That sucks, but… I get it,” you said.
You really could. It was what you did, after all. You’d done the same thing to Jimin after you got bad feedback at Russet. You’d eventually moved past this as a habit, but you couldn’t fault Sabrina for having the same journey as you.
“Seriously, though.” You tilted your head. “Why are you telling me this? It seems very… out of character for you.”
“I know.” Sabrina considered. “Honestly? I’m not sure. It’d be easier not to, but… then you overheard my conversation with my mom.”
Awkward, you shifted your weight. “Ah.”
Again, you thought you understood. It was difficult to reveal vulnerable parts of yourself. Sometimes it was easier when someone else did it for you.
“So,” you said and then paused. “Is your mom… always like that?”
“Like what?”
“So… intense?”
She gave a bitter smile. “That was her being chill.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah.” Sabrina shrugged. “She means well, I guess. My mom raised me alone after my dad left when I was young. She’s the top lawyer in the city, so she has firsthand experience on how to get there.” Here, Sabrina hesitated. “I just don’t think it’s always been the happiest road for her.”
“Probably not,” you admitted.
“I always thought that’s what I wanted,” Sabrina said softly. “To be like her, but with dance. At the top of my field, not needing anyone but myself. Now… I don’t know.”
Knowing this put a lot of things in perspective. Sabrina had been raised to believe she could only rely upon herself. It was no wonder she’d turned you down so many times.
“Well,” you said slowly. “I don’t think anything is set in stone, if that makes you feel better. It’s only the first semester, after all. There’s still plenty of time to make friends if that’s what you want.”
“Yeah.” She paused. “Maybe.”
You hesitated, and then nodded. “I appreciate the apology.”
“No problem.”
Glancing away, you wondered if this was all. While it helped to understand where Sabrina was coming from, you couldn’t imagine having sleepovers with her anytime soon. It was nice of her to apologize, but that was only a first step. You didn’t have much in common.
Except that wasn’t true, you realized. You had a lot in common, possibly more than you’d given yourself credit for. You understood more than you wanted about where she was coming from.
Turning back, you met her gaze. “So, Eamon?”
Her eyebrows shot upwards. “You heard that?”
“Kind of,” you said, offering a guilty smile. “What happened there?”
For the first time, a touch of sadness entered her gaze. “It’s a long story,” Sabrina said, and then hesitated.
You considered, then said, “I have time. Are you heading back to Grace Hall?”
Although Sabrina seemed surprised, she nodded, and you turned around. As you fell into step alongside her, you thought about how weird this all was. Returning to the dorm with Sabrina, talking and not being at each other’s throats.
Maybe you wouldn’t ever be friends, but you appreciated her attempt at an apology. You hadn’t realized how exhausting it was to have an enemy. To be constantly directing negative energy at something you couldn’t control – you had to give Sabrina credit because apologizing took courage. Taking a step forward was always an act of bravery.
As you walked, you felt your gut twist and an unknown voice whispered in your ear. It’d take an equal amount of courage to make things right with Jimin. Steeling yourself as you left the building, you determined you would do just that.
One step at a time, you’d move yourself forward.
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Sabrina didn’t stay long, just long enough to explain about Eamon. Apparently, they’d been hooking up at the start of the year but had become something serious. Sabrina had broken it off at her mother’s insistence, but they hooked up again shortly before Halloween. When she’d ended things a second time, Eamon had been understandably frustrated.
It seemed clear Sabrina liked him, but you kept that thought to yourself. She’d either realize this on her own, or you’d eventually get to the point where you could give her a reality check. Once she eventually left, you lounged on your bed and scrolled through your phone.
As odd as the encounter with Sabrina had been, it’d taken your mind off Jimin and Finn for a moment. Now, left alone with your thoughts, you had time to overthink all your actions.
On Sunday, Noelle had made you go through your phone and delete all old conversations with Finn, blocking him on social media so he couldn’t reach out. You’d balked at this but eventually given in. Clearly, you were a creature of habit – it made sense to set physical boundaries.
Oddly though, it hadn’t been difficult not to text Finn today. Maybe because you’d been growing apart for so long. There had been multiple weeks since the start of the semester when you and Finn hadn’t even spoken for days.
Rolling over, you opened your photos and released a sigh. Finally, you began the arduous task you’d been dreading. Although you’d blocked Finn on social media, you’d yet to go through your old albums to delete. It had felt somehow wrong, as though you were ridding yourself of memories you one day might want.
Starting at the beginning of the semester, you began to delete. You found one from the night you’d moved into Russet and another from a walk at sunset along the river. There was one of Finn in his dorm room, pulling a stupid face at the camera. You deleted each one with a heavy heart, moving on to the next grouping and pausing.
Your scrolling had brought you to Halloween night. You found several photos of you, Noelle and Irene dressed as the PowerPuff girls. More from the pregame followed, with you playing flip cup and Jasmine cracking up. There were some from the couch and a few from when Hoseok had stolen your phone – when you scrolled to the next one, you froze.
The shot was candid, not taken by you, although you were in it. Paulo had made you laugh, nearly doubling over while you sat on the sofa. Irene and Jasmine were also in the shot, but it was Jimin who made you stop scrolling.
He was in the photo too, also laughing but his gaze remained focused on you. The look he gave you – it made your breath catch. You couldn’t remember the last time someone had looked at you like that; like they simply enjoyed seeing you happy.
Suddenly, you threw aside your covers and descended your bed. As you tossed on a coat, you hastily checked the mirror before deciding fuck it, and hurrying out the door. Your coat flapped as you walked, trying to zip this up with one hand.
It was only a block to the boy’s dorm, but it might as well have been across the entire city. Your teeth were chattering by the time you arrived, hurrying into the warmth of the lobby. You took the steps two at a time to Jimin’s floor, hurrying down the hall before you could second-guess yourself.
When you finally reached his doorway, you paused.
Eyes closed, you willed yourself to breathe. You could do this. Completely unconvinced by your lukewarm pep talk, you opened your eyes and forced yourself to knock.
You heard movement inside, saw the handle turn and then Hoseok flung open the door. When he met your gaze, his eyes widened. This fact made you wince, since it was obvious Hoseok knew about the kiss between you and Jimin. Either that, or you looked like an absolute mess. Possibly both.
Staring at you, Hoseok made a noise which sounded like, “Argh.”
Before you could respond, Jimin called out.
“Is that Alex?” he groaned, sounding closer. “Did he break the showerhead again? Because I swear to god, if he –”
Jimin stepped into the doorframe, stopping once he saw you. He stared at you for a moment and Hoseok awkwardly eased himself backwards.
“Uh, I forgot I need to go to the store,” he said, grabbing his coat. Shoving his feet into sneakers, Hoseok grabbed keys from a chair. “Just um, need to grab a few things. Ice cream. Condoms. You know, the usual. Bye, guys!” he said, edging around you. “Have fun!”
Hoseok fairly ran down the hall, his coat flapping behind him.
After a moment, you returned to Jimin. He still hadn’t moved, continuing to stare at you from inside his room.
“Hey,” you said weakly, giving a wave.
His gaze hardened.
“Wait,” you blurted, throwing out a hand in case he shut the door. “Please, Jimin. Just let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain, Y/N,” he said, a bit quiet.
“Yes, there is. Can I come in?”
Jimin hesitated, warring with something but finally, he sighed and stepped aside. You nodded your thanks as you passed, stopping inside his room.
It smelled like him. There were the usual dorm smells of plaster and concrete but beneath that was his cologne, his detergent and something unmistakably Jimin. It made your heart clench as you turned around.
Jimin continued to look at you warily.
Seeing him like this tore something within you. It hurt, seeing such blatant mistrust in his gaze. It hurt to stand here and wonder if he was the reason you were single. Deep down, you knew this wasn’t the case, but all the pain mingled and was hard to separate. Looking at him made you feel hurt, yet hopeful; confused, yet still longing.
Broken, you inhaled as you shut your eyes. “Finn and I broke up.”
“You – what?”
You could hear the shock in Jimin’s voice. Shock, confusion – and maybe something else. Something more, which made you long to move closer.
“Yeah,” you continued. “We broke up on Saturday.”
Jimin was quiet for a moment, long enough for you to open your eyes. His expression had softened a little, but not by much. Instead, he cocked his head.
“That’s why you looked so sad in class today,” he said at last.
Apparently, you’d done a worse job of hiding things than you’d thought.
“Yeah,” you said. “That’s why.”
Jimin swallowed and nodded before looking away. He pushed a hand through his hair, leaving several strands ruffled as he lowered his hand. Multiple emotions fled across his expression until at last, he exhaled and looked back.
“How are you?” he said.
It was such a Jimin response, your eyes immediately filled with tears. Of course, with all this between you, his first instinct would be your well-being.
His eyes widened in response. “No – Y/N, no,” Jimin said, rushing forward. Forcing himself to stop, he held himself still. “I didn’t mean to… shit,” he cursed, hanging his head. “Even when I’m mad at you, I just… I don’t want you to be sad, Y/N.”
The simplicity of his statement settled over you, making your heart ache in all its jagged pieces. Jimin was so good. He was so good to you, and you didn’t deserve him.
“Well,” you said with a hiccup. “I’ve been better, but that’s not why I came here.”
“No?”
“I came here to apologize.”
He blinked, but didn’t respond, so you took this as a sign to continue.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” you said in a rush. “I had a boyfriend and no matter how bad things were between us, I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. At the very least, I should’ve stayed when you asked me to talk. I – I’m so sorry, Jimin. Things have gotten so messed up.”
While you were speaking, his expression began to change. No longer did he seem angry, but something within his gaze had changed to uncertainty.
Swallowing hard, Jimin looked away. “It wasn’t your fault, Y/N.”
“No, I –”
“It wasn’t.” He looked back. “I knew you had a boyfriend. I knew it, but it didn’t stop me from feeling something for you. I was the idiot. Of course, the kiss didn’t mean something to you. It wasn’t fair of me to… to expect that from you and –”
“It did, though,” you said, cutting him off.
Jimin paused. “What?”
“The kiss. It meant something to me”
Breathing hitching, he stared at you in confusion. “What are you saying, Y/N?”
“I’m saying kissing you wasn’t about Finn,” you whispered, wrapping both arms around your waist. “I didn’t kiss you because Finn and I were fighting. I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Because I’d been wondering for weeks what it would be like. That’s why I kissed you, Jimin.”
Staring at you, his expression turned wondering.
“He was cheating on me,” you said, wanting him to know the whole truth. “That’s what I found when I went to see him on Saturday. My boyfriend was cheating on me.”
At this, his face hardened. “He’s… a fucking idiot,” Jimin said, low and intense. “What was he thinking, cheating on you? I swear, I’ll–”
“I cheated on him too, though.”
Jimin stopped talking.
He stared at you for a moment, and something within him seemed to falter. In that moment, you knew he understood. The kiss had been a mistake. You had been in the wrong and still, you couldn’t bring yourself to regret it. Neither of you did.
“That was different,” he said at last.
“Was it?” you said. “I think Finn and I have been drifting apart for a while now. Maybe if I had ended things earlier, things would’ve been better. I don’t know.”
“Maybe,” he allowed. “But you can’t blame yourself for that, Y/N.”
“I think I can a little. I didn’t want to admit we were growing apart. I couldn’t see things were over between us because there wasn’t some big, glaring reason.”
“That’s hard for anyone to do, though.”
“It wasn’t for you,” you pointed out. “You broke up with your ex before college.”
“That was different. We weren’t in love. You loved Finn – or you did at one point.”
Slowly, you nodded. “I did.”
“And now?” The look he gave you was cryptic. “Are you saying things between you are truly over?”
“Yeah,” you said quietly. “Things haven’t worked for a long time. I just didn’t want to see it.”
Jimin stared at you a moment, then his face gradually fell.
“I hate seeing you like this,” he said.
“Like a mess?”
“No. Sad.”
Staring at Jimin, your breath caught in your throat. The way he was looking at you made your heart ache and for a moment, you let yourself imagine a different reality. One where you’d never become enemies and instead, all the passion between you had been put into your friendship. Maybe even more than that.
At some point, Finn had looked at you the way Jimin did now. You just couldn’t remember the last time he had.
Even so, the fact that you’d compared Jimin to Finn in the same sentence was exactly the reason you needed to say what you did next.
“I’m not confessing to you,” you whispered, before you could stop yourself.
His expression flickered. “I didn’t think you were.”
“It’s just…” Trailing off, you shut your eyes. “I’m still hurting, Jimin. I might not be in love with Finn anymore, but I still love him. I don’t want to start a new relationship and have it become a mistake.”
“So. A new relationship would be a mistake?”
“It would be,” you said, opening your eyes. “At least, it would be right now. Finn and I broke up barely two days ago. I’m still hurt and confused and it just… I don’t want to mess anything up by diving into something else.”
Jimin looked at you intently, seeming to understand what you wouldn’t say. You couldn’t be with him until you’d moved on from Finn.
As intense as your feelings for Jimin were, it would be a mistake to start dating right now. The embers of your previous relationship still burned and if you entered something now with Jimin, he would always exist in the shadow of Finn.
If you wanted a chance at happiness – a real chance – you needed to give yourself some time to heal.
“I get it,” Jimin said, however quiet. “You should take your time.”
“Okay,” you said.
You stood there a moment, the silence lengthening between you but not in a bad way. It felt like a new kind of moment – one where you looked at Jimin and for the first time, saw possibilities and not only regrets.
“That’s all I came here to say,” you said softly. “I just wanted to tell you –”
“Y/N?” he said, interrupting.
Blinking, you stopped. “Yeah?”
Meeting your gaze, Jimin kept his own steady. “When you’re ready,” he said quietly. “You’ll tell me. Right?”
Thrown, you stared at him a moment. Finally, you nodded.
“Yeah,” you whispered. “I’ll tell you.”
Jimin smiled. You stood there another moment before realizing there was nothing more to say. You’d apologized and he’d apologized. He knew you were single, but you needed more time. You’d tell him once your heart became available again.
Saying goodbye, you left Jimin’s room and when you entered the hall, you felt completely unburdened for the first time in months. This sadness still lingered, a heaviness in your heart from everything which had happened but for the first time in ages, the future felt open.
As you exited the building, you came to a stop on the sidewalk and took a deep breath. The inky sky above you was full of city light and beyond that, were the stars.
When you inhaled, the air burned your lungs but somehow, this provided the clarity you needed. Winter could be like that. It was painful, withering away dead things, but it also made way for new growth to come.
Smiling faintly to yourself, you began to walk home.
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Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading 😊 WE ARE ALMOST DONE! Only the Epilogue remains! New chapters of Raise the Barre will be posted weekly; dates are listed on the series Master List. Requests for updates will be deleted.
RAISE THE BARRE MASTERLIST
© kpopfanfictrash, 2020. Do not copy or repost without permission.
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wagner-fell · 3 years
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I am still very new to this website and I don’t know how link a post but this fic is based on a post by @sandersgrey
(If someone reading this knows how to link a post please either explain it to me or link it in the comments because that post is *amazing*)
“Hmmm,” said Tessa, depositing Mina into Kit’s waiting arms and examining her buzzing phone critically. She shot a quizzical look in his direction.
Jem looked up from his novel. “What is ‘hmmm’, my love?”
Kit mimed vomiting but stopped dead in his tracks when she replied, “it’s Astrid’s mother. You remember her from parent teacher night, don’t you, my darling?” Kit swears they were being extra insufferable just to mess with him but he didn’t have the time to be annoyed when Astrid’s. Mom. Was. Calling. Tessa.
To understand why Kit was panicking as much as he was, you must know that Astrid’s mom was incredibly chill. She never got mad. The worst punishment she’d ever given her daughter was taking away her iPod for a week so she couldn’t listen to Mitski.
Was she calling about last night when Astrid, Mari and Kit threw eggs at the Shadowhunter’s that were giving Mari’s pack a hard time for no reason? No, that couldn’t be it. She’d given them the eggs.
Could the call be about the day before yesterday when Kit and Astrid got distracted doing homework and ended up snapping the coffee table clean in half while battling gladiator style with pool noodles? No, that wasn’t it. She’d just handed Astrid a twenty and told them to go to Kevin’s parents' shop and get a new one. Was she pissed because they ended up spending the money on ice cream instead? No, they ended up finding a table for free in the rubbing bin outside a fancy hotel.
Kit clutched his sister to his chest and prepared for the worst.
“Seo-yoon! What can I do for- Oh, hello Astrid!” Tessa paused briefly, presumably to listen to Astrid speak, and Kit sighed in relief.
“Kit is occupied at the moment but I can relay the message.” Another pause. “Oh don’t be frightened of me. I’m a tots rad mom. Your secret is safe with me.” Kit felt his face flush red as he heard his best friend’s laughter echo across the living room. “Okay! I’ll let him know. He has to get Mina to sleep before he can leave though. Lord knows he’s the only one who can these days.” Tessa chuckled at something Astrid said before wishing her good luck in her endeavour and ending the call.
She turned her attention back to Kit. “Astrid needs your help breaking into your teacher’s home to retrieve her cell phone.”
Kit blinked at her, dumbfounded. “You aren’t mad I’m going to go break the law?”
Because of course he was doing it. Astrid’s dad had bought it for her and he was extremely cautious about money. That was one of three things Kit knew about her dad. He was cheap, he lived in America and he loved the movie Fight Club.
Tessa ruffled Kit’s hair affectionately. “Please. I’ve raised two other Herondales. At least I know about this particular adventure beforehand.”
Mina began snoring softly and Kit handed her back to her mother. He grabbed his bag and started his journey to the door when Tessa added, “she also told me to say hi to a ‘daddy Kit’. Are you ‘daddy Kit?’”
‘Daddy Kit’ closed his eyes and wished for the sweet release of death.
“Why is Kit a daddy,” Jem asked, genuinely confused. “Aren’t I the daddy?”
Kit swung the door open so fast not even a speed rune could have aided him. But not before I heard Tessa reply, “Lily Chen certainly thinks so.”
Mrs. MacNamara clapped her hands together. “Why don’t we all go around and say a few things about ourselves?”
Kit buried his face into his hands. He’d been relieved when no other teacher had fulfilled the Disney channel stereotype of making every student introduce themselves to the new kid. But Mrs. MacNamara didn’t even seem to realize what she was doing.
All Kit’s fellow classmates groan. Expect one. Her hand shot up immediately. She was short, like smaller than Clary short. She wore a baggy pink shirt with the words ‘Queen Glimmer of Etheria’ sewed on with purple sequins and tight black jeans. Her colourful, choppy hair was in a low ponytail and she flew a few strands out of her eyes as her hand wiggled in the hair.
Mrs. MacNamara pointed at her. She stood up and smiled at Kit. “Hi. My name is Astrid. My hobbies include making my little cousin’s girl Barbies kiss, as it should be, and watching television shows where everyone is a terrible person so you can love all of them!”
“And what shows might that be?” asked Kit, already in the process of pulling out his phone and opening the Notes app.
“Grey’s Anatomy, Glee, Grey’s Anatomy again because it’s seventeen seasons as of right now. And to be fair it practically became a different show when they killed off Mark Sloan.”
“That’s enough, Miss Yang,” said Mrs. MacNamara. Astrid sat down and winked at Kit. Then she took out her phone and airdropped him a complete list of all her favorite shows, along with her number.
After Blessica’s pre-birthday birthday party, they went to Cirenworth and stayed up till four A.M. binging them.
They met outside a queer dry bar called Aries Not Welcome, the unspoken gathering place of the Merry Hoes. It was run by a poly lesbian couple in their mid-thirties. Quinn, Sydney and Aliyah may not have served alcohol but at least they were open 24/7.
“Did you bring the shit?”
Kit gave her a look. “The shit? How conclusive.”
“Shut up. You know, the shadowhunter thing.”
“The shadowhunter thing?”
“The, the, the glow stick that you draw with.”
“The glow stick that I draw wi-“ Kit closed his eyes briefly. “Do you mean a stele?”
Astrid snapped her fingers. “That’s it!” Kit shook his head in exasperation, smiling fondly. “I borrowed a torch from Quinn, let’s move.”
“Should I be worried that you know where Mr. Smith lives?” questioned Kit as he followed Astrid’s lead through the park.
“Should I be worried that your mom was fine with us breaking and entering?” she shot back playfully. Kit pushed Astrid and she fell off the path, laughing all the way.
“You called me ‘daddy’ to my mom’s face.”
She just laughed harder, slinging her arm around Kit’s shoulder. “It was over the phone, Christopher. And as I should.”
“Pffffttt. Why did you get your phone taken anyway?” She put her hands into her jumper pocket and looked at the ground. “Astrid.” She remained silent. “Astrid?”
She mumbled something under her breath. “What?” asked Kit.
“I WAS READING NINEJ FANFICTION!” she shouted.
Kit gasped. “I thought you were a die hard Kanej shipper,” he whispered.
“I’m a multishipper, okay?!” she replied, equally quiet.
“Does Blessica know?”
She shook her head. “And she will never find out.”
Kit saw the opportunity and he seized it. “She’ll never find out as long as you never call me daddy in front of either of my parents.”
She removed her arm from his shoulder and guided them out of the park, in the direction of the many apartments that lined this side of town. “I hate you.”
“Well, so does Mari. You're not special, Ast.”
She rolled her eyes. “You know Mari doesn’t actually hate you, right?! They’re just still in the enemy phase of your enemies-to-lovers romance. She only dislikes you because they feel something for you but they don’t know what so she interrupts it as loathing. In reality, her inner soul knows you’re hot and shmexie.”
Kit didn’t know how to process this so he just nodded and follow Astrid in silence to Mr. Smith’s house. (Plus, he was kinda glad that, according to his best friend, he had a little more time for Mari to ‘discover their true feelings’. If Kit screwed this up, he was out of countries to run off to.)
“Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me.”
“What,” asked Kit, turning around to face Astrid and closing the drawer he was rifling through. “Did you find your phone?”
“Yeah. But I also found Blessica’s. She was Snapping Kevin. Platonic my ass. But he took the fucking trans flag out of her phone!”
Kit snatched Blessica’s phone out of her hand to examine it for herself. She was telling the truth. Where the glitter pride flag usually rested was just a clear purple case. Kit couldn’t believe his eyes.
“It’s one thing to misgender her every day.” Blessica had forced all four of the other Merry Hoes to sign a contract saying they wouldn’t do anything to harm him because of it. “But this is the last straw. You know what we have to do.” Oops.
“Yeah, but we don’t have any spray paint.”
Kit eyed Mr. Smith’s pink sofa, blue bar stool covers and white picture frames. “I think I have something better in mind.”
It would have been easier for both parties to just zip off the sofa cushions and tape them to the wall but by ripping them off in strips, they ensured he would have to buy new ones. And judging by the car he drove and the fiji water in his fridge, Mr. Smith could definitely afford it.
That reminded him, “I’ll finish up with this. Go put all his fiji water into my bag.” Astrid saluted him and ran off. “Wait.” She stopped and looked at him. “Steal all the remotes you can find.”
“How is he not awake?,” asked Astrid as they ripped the fabric of his seating from the stool.
He shrugged. “Don’t question it.” He shoved the bundle of cloth into her arms. “Glue this above the pink. I’ll handle the frames.”
“Say the magic word,” she sang.
“Please?”
“No. Lesbian. Come on, I thought you knew me better than that.”
Kit laughed quietly. “Can you lesbian glue this above the pink?”
She grinned at Kit. “It would be my pleasure.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hello! Sorry I haven’t written anything in so long. School just restarted and it has been…a lot.
@adoravel-fenomeno @thechangeling @the-blackdale @the-wckd-powers @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @im-not-ruined-im-ruination @ithurielkeepsgettingkidnapped @noah-herondale-lightwood @arangiajoan @shelvesofgold @maxboythedog @book-dragon-not-worm @hardlymatters
Very sorry if I forgot anyone. Lmk if you want to be addEd/removEd from the tag list.
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jarofstyles · 4 years
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SK8ER BOI - Kickflip
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A/N: Here is the first installment our take on bad boy harry! It gets into things pretty quick but there is lots of content to come. Skater boy Harry is essentially what you wish every boy with a nicotine addiction was like featuring Timothée Chalamet as the uninterested boyfriend 🤭 We had a lot of fun writing this story so we hope you enjoy! - n+d
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masterlist
pairing: Harry Styles x Reader
warnings: smut, cheating
word count: 8.5k
Y/N was just an average girl. 
Though some could say she tread on the nerdier side of things, she was neither here nor there as far as social groups at school. No one really bullied her, she sort of just kept to herself and did her work and that was all she needed to get by. Her parents were middle class, working average jobs, and Y/N would likely follow suit. She really wasn’t sure what she wanted to do just yet. Everything was fine in her life, except for the fact that her boyfriend of three years refused to touch her. It was a shame really. She had grown a really strong attachment to him and they used to hang out all the time, but as they got older it seemed like he wanted less and less to do with her. His status as student body president definitely helped her out and well... Everyone had a crush on Timothée. She really wanted to explore with him, wanted to pleasure him and vice versa, bond in a way so many others described. But she just boiled it down to her not being sexy enough for him. She saw the browser history on his computer when he left it out in his bed while showering. He didn’t even try to hide it. Y/N, couldn’t say she didn’t have fantasies about one particular bad boy. Harry. 
Harry was in fact, that skater boy. That one guy that rode his board out of school— until he had gotten his car. He still rode it around the school campus, not at all hiding it. Even at the age of 17, he had gotten tattoos. His parents were wicked cool. They didn’t mind him doing whatever as long as he did well in school, and attended functions like family parties and whatever. They were close, anyways. His father was a well known quantum physicist and his mum, a romance novel author. His group of friends called his home their main hang out area. He had a good head on his shoulder despite what his look may say. He knew people would definitely be judging him and truth be told, he didn’t much care. He was more into what he was working towards versus what high school champs had to say. 
Harry was intrigued when Mr. Beck partnered him with Y/N for a science project, though. She was a very good girl. Known for good grades and dating that class president dude, Timothée. He was pretty sure the dude was 100% gay or at least bi based on the subtle flirting he had initiated with Harry until a few years back when he decided to date Y/N. In his opinion, it was a waste because whenever he saw them, there was no passion. Y/N was hot as fuck— you’d have to be blind to not see it. But he didn’t know what went on behind the scenes. He wasn’t close with her but she seemed chill enough, so he didn’t mind when she was partnered with him. 
“Hey. Come in.” He said politely as he answered the door for Y/N, holding it open and taking her bag. He could hear the little jingle of bells on collars and realized he hadn’t warned her. “Uh— we have a bunch of cats. Is that cool? Or do we need to leave? Sorry, I didn’t think to ask if you were allergic or something.”
“Hi.” Y/N squeaked out, taking a step inside and thanking him for taking her bag. His house was massive! You’d never be able to tell he had a house like this just by looking at him, but the address clearly stated it was his so she didn’t bother leaving and looking for another. The first thing she noticed besides the beautiful interior of the house was the sound of little bells. Y/N turned her head to see about four cats coming towards her and her heart melted. “Oh my goodness! I didn’t know you had kitties!” She quickly dropped down to her knees to greet them, “hi little angels!” She cooed, sticking her hand out for each of them to have a sniff and see if they liked her or not before she went to pet them. She looked up at Harry with a bright smile, “Sorry, my parents never let me have pets after my bunny died in 4th grade because they didn’t want me to go through that emotional trauma again.” She knew it was a bit of an overshare, but that’s just the kind of person she was. Harry looked extremely attractive from this angle, ideas swirling around in her mind about all the things she could do with him. Y/N stood up again, fixing her little overalls before pulling off her shoes and leaving them by the door. She didn’t want to get a nice house like this all messy. She walked up to Harry again, expecting him to lead her towards his room or wherever they wanted to work.
Harry was impressed. All the cats seemed to like her, including Grumpy. He was named that for a reason. His smush face and grumpy look were warnings for how he really didn’t like anyone but Harry and his parents. But he was rubbing against Y/N’s hand and then her leg with a purr. 
“Oh. I’m sorry about your rabbit. It always sucks when they die.” Harry said softly. He wasn’t sure why she told him, but it did make him sad to hear it. He lost a cat a few months back and it did hurt. There was definite emotional trauma in it. “They like you. That’s cool. They’ll probably follow us up. Are you cool with going to my room? That’s where my computer is.” He hadn’t brought it down but his room was his preferred study space. He also didn’t want her to think he was some creep so gave her the option, which she nodded to. “It’s at the top, the attic space so prepare for some steps.” He said sheepishly, picking up her bag again so he could carry it up. “Oof. Are there bricks in ‘ere?” He was teasing.
“I don’t mind.” Y/N felt good about the fact that his cats liked her, she was rather fond of them already so she didn’t mind them coming upstairs with them. She felt herself get all nervous because well... she would be going to Harry’s room. He probably had no idea about the filthy thoughts she had about him, even just watching him walk up the stairs was hot. “No! Just my laptop and notebook... maybe a pencil case... and a water bottle.” Y/N defended, feeling her face get all blushy because she did realize there was quite a lot of stuff in her bag. However, walking up the stairs wasn’t all too difficult. They were perfectly spaced out which was nice, all of the decor in the house was beautiful but still very cozy. The house was definitely lived in. 
His room though? Goodness. 
“Wow...” Y/N mumbled as she stepped up inside. It was amazing. The walls were white but he had a theme of wood and navy, some vintage looking items here and there. Overall she noticed his little reading nook and what seemed to be an astronomy section with bean bags and a telescope. He even had a mini fridge in there and a cupboard... even a microwave! It was a whole little man cave. 
“Yeah, s’nice. It’s my own little place.” He smiled at her reaction, putting her bag down on his bed as he grabbed his laptop and unplugged it from the charger. “Want a water?” He didn’t listen for an answer, rather grabbed her one and handed it to her. His mum had raised him to always give company a drink. “We can work on my bed. The cats will probably come in here and pretend they aren’t looking for attention when they are.” He smirked, going over to his bed and sitting against the headboard like area. She looked shy so he tilted his head, patting the blanket. “C’mon then. Don’t be shy. This isn’t your first time in a boys room, is it?” He couldn’t imagine that Timothée was dating a hot bitch like Y/N and not be tapping it. If she didn’t have a boyfriend he would be trying to get her to know better because she really was gorgeous. But they’d been dating too long and Y/N probably wouldn’t go for that.
Y/N knew that her blush gave away her answer as she went to sit on his bed, not quite next to him though. She was a bit too nervous for that. In her mind she was already sitting on Harry’s lap with his hands gripping at her ass, his perfectly plump lips slotted between her own. Y/N shook her own thoughts out of her head but felt like she needed to answer his question. 
“Maybe it is...” She mumbled, pulling her laptop out of her bag and turning it on. It suddenly got very hot in his room and not just because they were in the attic. Y/N was burning up, his eyes were very obviously on her and she knew he’d ask and she’d definitely confess to him. She’d do anything Harry wanted her to do really, fuck. She just wanted to be touched. Seeing the look of shock and confusion prompted her to explain further despite how anxiety provoking it might have been. “Timmy and I don’t—” Y/N started, looking away feeling all embarrassed. “He won’t...” She couldn’t even say it, she was just that shy and embarrassed.
Oh. Wow. He didn’t.... he didn’t fuck her? Harry thought.
“You’re kidding?” He raised a brow. He understood what she meant. It went from zero to a hundred real quickly but he couldn’t say he was angry about it. He just didn’t understand why. 
Y/N’s face grew incredibly hot, looking up at Harry with a serious but semi spooked expression when he asked if she was kidding. She absolutely wasn’t kidding. If she was kidding she wouldn’t be so damn horny and ravenous. She felt like she could burst all the time, touch starved beyond belief. Sure, he’d kiss her, but never anything too passionate. It would always make him uncomfortable the second they got too hot. 
“How come you’re tellin’ me this? I mean... it’s fine you do, I won’t say shit but, we barely know each other.” He questioned, putting an arm behind his head as he looked expectantly at her for an answer. She was hot. Sexy as fuck, had that innocent good girl appeal and he loved that shit, personally. Timmy. God, the least sexy name to moan in bed. Really. He could only think about the fairy godparents cartoon. Ick. He was surprised though. “You’ve been dating for years, haven’t you?” It definitely wasn’t a Y/N problem. She was blurting things out so if she wanted to, she would have told him.
Y/N’s mouth went dry because well, she had an answer for him, she just wasn’t sure how he’d react. “cause... I know you enough to know you make me really nervous, especially right now.” Y/N was really bad at being sexy, her delivery and flirting was horrible but she hoped he picked up what she was putting down. “Yeah... we’ve been together for three years.” Y/N explained, letting out a deep breath. “It wasn’t so bad at first, but I just—” She was horny. She was so fucking horny it was ridiculous. She’d probably moan if they held hands at this point. “I’ve tried, but he’s not into it I guess.”
Harry could tell she was horny. He could feel it. He just knew. Looking at her, she was a bit antsy. Not able to sit still but most importantly, squeezing her thighs together. No way. She was horny and maybe partly because of him? 
“Not into it? That’s some bullshit.” Harry scoffed. “Not to be weird, but you’re hot as fuck. If he’s not into it he might be gay or is just blind.” He didn’t want to offend her but he had a feeling it was the first. Either way, there had to be a reason for him not wanting to eat the girl alive. Harry had definitely noticed Y/N before. She was cute, kind, had his favorite type of body, and had pretty, full lips. Also, a very cute laugh. She was innocent and he liked that type of vibe. Maybe it was a bit fucked to be aroused by that but hey, he was a teenage boy as well. “Don’t have to be nervous, babe. I don’t bite. Unless asked.” He gave her another smirk. Her blush was cute and her flush reminded him again at how easy it was to work her up. They’d begun working but Harry still had a question of two, and he could feel her hormones— he swore he could. The poor thing. 
Well. There it goes. 
The guy Y/N had been having sexual fantasies about for years calling her hot? Of course she wouldn’t be able to calm down now. Her face hadn’t cooled off, he didn’t really give her a chance to either. She just pulled her hair up into a bun but it didn’t help. Poor girl, you could see it on her neck too. She was just nervous and embarrassed and horny. So so horny. Timmy being gay though? It could be a solid explanation for why he didn’t want to touch her. It’s not like he looked at other girls, he always called her pretty and complimented her looks. Was always okay with cuddling and other platonic stuff.. maybe the kissing was just him trying to make it seem believable. Harry was always around though, sometimes she’d just imagine it was his hair she was carding through, that it was his jaw she was cupping instead of Timmy’s. She loved Timmy, she did, but she wasn’t sexually attracted to him. She tried to be, wanted to be, if he reciprocated maybe she would be? But even having Harry next to her was turning her on. Even hearing him say he didn’t bite unless asked? She could have died, swore she let out a whimper when she shifted. 
“Has he touched you at all?” Harry questioned.
“No, just kissed but like.. nothing crazy.”
“Seriously? He’s holdin’  out on you like that? That’s not fair.” Harry muttered. Fucking crazy. The fact that the guy got one of the hottest girls in school and refused to do anything with her when it was blatantly obvious that she needed a good dicking, more than anything? Negligent, at best. “You said you tried and he’s not into it... what did you try? Was it something weird or just asking?” He was trying to figure this out. “You don’t have to tell me and it’s none of my business but, m’just curious.” He was curious if she was hinting towards Harry taking care of it. Which he would happily do. The poor thing looked like she needed an orgasm more than anything else. He wouldn’t be opposed to a good make out session and finger fuck.
Y/N was surprised by how genuinely shocked he was that nothing was happening between her and Timmy. It made those butterflies spring up in her stomach and go haywire, his tone was suggesting he was curious which was good of course. If he thought she was attractive then... surely she wasn’t the problem. 
“I um...” Y/N was so nervous talking about this stuff, it really wasn’t like her at all. Hearing her say these things out loud made her physically cringe but he did ask. He couldn’t read her mind, could he? “Anytime I’d try to like... grind on him when we kiss and stuff, he’d just stop it.” She explained, feeling her cheeks get all boiling hot again. She regretted wearing a sweater. “I haven’t brought it up to him or anything cause I don’t want him to feel bad.” Y/N was still a sweetheart, she didn’t want to hurt his feelings or make him feel inadequate. She’d been with him for three years, that was quite the long time.
“Jesus. That is either some good control or he can’t get hard. If he can’t, he's definitely not straight, babe.” Harry could be positive about that. Any straight man would be like an eager puppy to get between her legs. Harry included, if that was offered up. “M’sorry. That sucks. So you’ve been sexually frustrated for 3 years then?” He shook his head. “Not to be a dick, but how come you haven’t broken up with him yet? He isn’t meeting your needs. Any good man takes care of their girl. It’s just... how it should be.” Harry couldn’t believe this. “Trust me, you’re hot as fuck. Again, sorry if this is crude but— you’ve got the perfect thighs and probably a gorgeous pussy. Can’t imagine a man not wanting to get his mouth or hands on it. Or your tits. M’sure you’re told that often.” Maybe his vulgar speech would deter her but he had a feeling she would love it.
If someone told Y/N she’d be sitting on a bed with her crush while he told her that she had great thighs, tits, and assumed she had a gorgeous pussy, she would have laughed in their face. Harry looked completely serious too, his own eyes had grown dark and Y/N just felt stuck in shock. 
“Yeah..” She squeaked, swallowing thickly as she tried to focus back on the project but she was just staring at the screen. “He’s my best friend.. I care about him and he’s been there for me through a lot I— I couldn’t just do that.” She didn’t have the heart to break up with him. She needed a proper reason, just so she could feel guilt free. Y/N couldn’t just ask him to help her out could she? He had expressed to her how he felt like any good man took care of their girl's needs and well... she wasn’t his girl but oh did she want to be. As far as Y/N knew, he had slept around quite a lot. He thought she was attractive but he probably thought many girls were attractive. Maybe he’d just fuck anything? 
But she’d been thinking about him for so long.
Harry knew that she was avoiding looking at him because she was aroused by his words. She liked what he had to say and how he said it. It was obvious by her reaction. Which did make him smile a bit. She was flushed and biting her lower lip and he wanted to see just how flustered he could get her. 
“I get that. But how great is he if he’s not taking care of a need you obviously are being deprived of.” Harry muttered. Little French shit. He could fight him for that alone. “Are you horny, Y/N?” He asked. His body shifted so he was properly facing her, closer than before.
She really thought she’d be able to hold it together, but when he asked her flat out if she was horny she knew she couldn’t lie anymore. Y/N has fully shown up to do work and now it was looking like she was going to get an orgasm too? That seemed fake, there’s no way. But he had shifted a bit closer to her, completely forgetting about his laptop. Her eyes snapped to look up at him, swallowing thickly before looking back at her laptop. 
“Maybe.” She offered up shyly. She kept glancing up at him and looking away. She was just that nervous. Y/N couldn’t even pretend she felt bad for liking it either. It wasn’t like she hadn’t given Timmy an option, she was positive he probably would be upset... maybe he would be, but— she couldn’t pass this up, she’d been thinking about it for so long.
“Do you want me to take care of you?” Harry couldn’t pass this opportunity up either. Especially because it was a dream. Y/N was exactly his type and he liked her energy. She wasn’t being treated properly by her boyfriend and that wasn’t okay in his book. He knew she would say yes but the whimper made his stomach clench. She was desperate for it. The look on her eyes showed it. His hand came up to feel her face, immediately feeling her cheek lean into his touch. 
“Poor girl. Have been left to fend for yourself for a while. S’not fair to you. Not at all.” He sighed, truly in awe of how any man could let a wet cunt and a woman eager to use it up. “What would you like me to do?” He wanted to coax something out of her. “How worked up are you?”
Y/N’s heart dropped so far it probably fell out of her ass. Hearing him offer to take care of her sent her into a fit of emotions. Her eyes got all floaty, her cunt creating a second heartbeat, her body was naturally leaning towards his and she could have sworn she was dreaming at this point because it was all too good. Of course she agreed, closing her laptop and casting it aside so she could focus on the task at hand. She was far too focused on how good it felt to have his hand on her cheek that she hadn’t registered that he was asking her about what she wanted him to do. Y/N felt her face warm up all over again because she didn’t want to say it outright. It would sound so dirty, she felt like she couldn’t say. She scanned his eyes, waiting for him to say something but he wasn’t letting up. 
“I—I’m really sticky..” She whispered, already feeling shy and embarrassed about all of this. Y/N knew she wasn’t exactly sexy or anything.
Harry knew that she may be embarrassed of how she said things but to him, it was hot. The fact no one else had touched her before and she was going to let him... it was sexy as fuck. Especially because she has a boyfriend who wasn’t up to par with what she wanted.
“S’okay, love. That’s good. Very normal.” He felt himself harden a bit at the visual. “C’mere. Come on my lap.” He motioned for her to straddle him, which she did eagerly. Fuck, this was going to be fun. He was going to teach her some shit. “Why don’t you show me how you like to kiss, sweetheart? Let me see how you want things. Don’t be embarrassed about it either. I promise I’ll find it hot.” He pulled her face down to his and felt his body warm up, her eyes blow and obviously her face warm and eager to get herself touched. “Just kissing for a bit. Then I’ll touch.”’
She wasn’t sure how she was meant to keep her breathing steady when he had so casually just asked her to straddle his lap. Y/N didn’t really think before she moved, surprising even herself with how easily and comfortably she moved into his lap. She felt like everything had gone into slow motion, nodding when he asked her to show him how she liked to kiss. That she could do. 
Y/N was positive he could feel her clench, cunt throbbing at the idea of finally getting to kiss him. She’d been waiting for so long, she felt like she wouldn’t be able to stop once she started. With her face mere centimeters away from his face, she paused for a moment before letting her eyes flutter shut as she leaned in. 
Fuck. 
The pathetic sounding whimpered she released at the feeling had her blushing even harder. Y/N hadn’t made many sounds or answered many of his questions, but that was mostly because she was used to being quiet. This kiss however? God was it perfect. Y/N felt hungry, kissing him with such a desperate need. There was still passion behind it, but she just really wanted him.
Harry could tell this girl was hungry for it. Literally starved for orgasms and he couldn’t help but think about what a damn shame it was that no one had been giving it to her. When her mouth tasted this good and she was so eager and hot in her kisses, he would give her whatever the fuck she wanted. He kissed deep right back, hand wrapping around her hip and pulling her down on to him. She was pleased at that, Harry showing her it was okay to grind. Which, to be honest, may have been a mistake considering how good she was at it. He groaned into her mouth as she rocked and worked her hips, her lips open as she whimpered. 
“S’it good? Think you’re rubbin’ your clit right against my cock like that.” He murmured into her mouth, wanting to talk dirty and see what she would do. What she would respond with.
She couldn’t have imagined it being this good, him kissing her back as if he too had wanted her for all this time. It didn’t feel like this when she kissed Timmy, as awful as it was to say, she was starting to think that maybe Harry was right about him. She was quickly snapped out of those thoughts when his hand pushed her hips down against him. 
“Mmmm” A long whine fell into his mouth, her hips moving at a pretty eager pace. Y/N really wanted to cum. She wanted it so bad she genuinely thought she’d lose it. Of course, she’s made herself cum before, but it felt so different when someone else was involved. Especially that someone being Harry. Y/N felt her cunt throb at the dirty talk. Another pathetic sounding moan fell from her lips and her eyes nearly rolled back in pleasure. “Feels so good.” She whimpered against his lips, desperate for him to touch her. Y/N wasn’t sure what he would do, but having his hands on her? In any way? She would surely lose her mind. She wasn’t sure what to do with her hands, sticking to his shoulder cause it just seemed right to steady herself. Y/N needs something more.
“Good. You can touch me.” Harry gave her the go ahead. “Wherever you want.” She obviously didn’t know how to do it and he wasn’t going to shame her or want to make her feel uncomfortable. Rather, he slid a hand up her skirt, gently lifting it up and getting his hands into her panties. It was arousing to say the least. His hands held her ass, grabbing at it and helping her move her hips. Holding the bare skin, he squeezed and licked into her mouth, feeling her work her cunt harder and hump a little faster against him. Obviously it felt good to her. “Such a perfect ass, baby.” He whispered, giving her a sweet pet name. “So eager for me. So sweet.” He chuckled, moving to kiss at her neck. She was going to lose it and he liked that he was the one doing it.
Funny how things unfolded exactly how Y/N pictured it in her mind. The second she sat down on the bed she was thinking about straddling him and having his hands on her ass and now that’s exactly what they were doing. It felt so fucking good too. Y/N was trying to hold back her whimpers, but Harry didn’t let up. He just kept licking into her mouth, rubbing and squeezing at her ass as if she wasn’t completely losing it in his lap. Her hands hand hesitantly traveled up to his hair, the way she’d do it to Timmy except... he seemed to respond in a much more appropriate way. Harry seemed to like it, liked it a lot based on the hard squeeze he gave her ass. Y/N let out shaky moans when his lips attached to her neck, she couldn’t take it anymore. 
“Please— I need more.” She pleaded, “feels good, but I need more.. please.” Y/N was begging him to touch her. She wouldn’t tell him explicitly, but if he wanted to lay her down and work his fingers against her she’d like that or even if he wanted to put his mouth to work. Anything, she just needed to cum.
“There we go. Love to hear you ask me.” Harry had been waiting for that begging, and he had gotten it. There was a quick switchover, Harry laying her down and gently moving so he was between her thighs. He would start simple. His finger ran over the soaked through cotton of her pink panties, groaning at the sight. “They’re completely soaked.” He hissed, gently pulling them to the side. He couldn’t stop the deep breath that came when he saw her arousal stringing to the panties when he moved it over. “Fuck me. S’sticky all over your panties. I love that.” He has that effect on her, didn’t he? That was the best part. He had done that. He was going to make her feel the best she ever had. Fingers spread her open, a hum of appreciation coming from his mouth. “Just like I knew it. You’ve got the prettiest pussy... so wet... look how swollen your clit is.” He murmured, thumbing over it. It was visible and his mouth was watering. That pressure on her clit alone had the girl jilting under his touch, making him feel satisfied. His thumb rubbed harder in the sensitive part, watching her face scrunch up in pleasure. “So pretty. Fuck. Can’t believe he’s never touched it. Left it for me to play with.”
Thank goodness she was laying down because Y/N was sure she wouldn’t have been able to keep herself up. He had simply lifted her skirt and revealed her panties, he didn’t even think twice. It seemed everything he did just turned her on. She liked that he just took what he wanted but also made sure she was feeling good. Y/N didn’t realize just how wet she was until he started to run his fingers over her and they felt completely slick. Her eyes rolled back, one of her hands gripping at his bed sheets while the other stayed on the nape of his neck tangled into his perfect locks. Her breath hitched, her other hand moving to cover her mouth because she knew she was about to be so fucking loud. Her body practically twitched whenever he rubbed over her swollen clit, his fingers were working magic in her and honestly, she wasn’t even sure if she could do it better herself. 
“Ah!” Y/N whined, her hips bucking up against his touch when she felt herself getting closer. She was so worked up she knew she could cum right then and there if he would let her. Her body was giving it away.
It made Harry all too aware of how stupid Timothée was. He wasn’t touching this cunt? Wasn’t getting these reactions? He had to be gay. There was no other way. 
“You’re so sensitive... fuck.” Harry couldn’t believe she was trusting him. If all people do this to her. It wasn’t like they’d ever been close. They went to each other’s birthday parties in elementary school like all the kids in classes did. But that was about it. Thank god for anatomy. 
“Just relax, love.” He muttered, spreading her legs further as he got comfortable. “This is gonna feel really good. Just do what feels right. Can pull on my hair... be as loud as you want, please. Love to hear I’m going a good job.” He smirked, holding her thighs open as he licked one thick stripe up her cunt.
“Oh— oh my god!” Y/N gasped loudly when she felt his wet tongue on her cunt. Her legs twitched from the pleasure that was spiking now that he was focused in her clit. Her hand traveled down to tug at his hair as suggested, her whole body reacting to his actions. She’d never felt anything like this before, felt like she was dreaming. At first she was a bit shy with the noises she was making, but he clearly didn’t like that, immediately increasing the pressure and speed and sticking to it so that she was a moaning mess for him. Y/N knew that if anyone was home they’d think someone was being tortured but god— it was nothing but sweet sweet pleasure. When Y/N played with herself on her own she never pushed her limits like Harry was doing. She was so sensitive and she knew that, but he was purposely working over her most sensitive spots so she was writhing and twitching beneath him. “Ah— mmmm—“ Y/N whined out, “Harry!” She gasped, feeling herself falling over the edge quite rapidly. Her orgasm hit her like a ton of bricks, it was so incredibly fast she wasn’t ready for that at all. Her moans were high pitched and whiny, her breathing heavy as she tried to get air in her lungs. She held herself back too, felt like she was going to pee on him if he kept going.
Harry kept going. 
If this was her first orgasm by someone else, her first proper orgasm? She was going to get the best one. He knew she was sensitive— could feel it in her shaking thighs, but he was a man of conviction. He went full on, suckling on her clit. The way she was reacting was beautiful, a soundless scream followed by his name and shudders. However— he wasn’t expecting her to squirt. It was the hottest damn thing he had ever experienced in his life. Her first orgasm and she was cumming that hard, Harry pulling back and rubbing her clit hard as she continued to leak. 
“Fuuuuuck, yes. Give it to me, sweetheart.” He groaned. Holy fuck. He hadn’t expected it to turn out like this at all but he wasn’t going to complain.
The sound that escaped her even shocked Y/N. A loud, borderline pained, scream left from her throat and her eyes squeezed shut. Her breathing was shaky, her hands having moved to cover her face because holy fuck was she overwhelmed. It was a lot. Y/N didn’t think it was humanly possible to cum that hard, and he just kept going. She was so sensitive it hurt, especially when he started rubbing on her clit after she seemingly peed on him but, he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she thought he liked it. Y/N was in an endless stream of whimpers and throaty moans, he didn’t seem like he was giving up any time soon and she wasn’t sure if she could handle another. 
“It hurts—” She whimpered out, moving her hands from her face to grip at the pillow behind her. “But it feels so good.” Y/N was completely fucked. So gone for, the hormones and endorphins overcoming her. He seemed to know what he was doing, so she let him continue. She didn’t want him to stop if she was going to keep feeling like this.
“God, you’re so good. Letting me do whatever I want... we’re so deprived before, weren’t you?” Harry was shocked. The fact she was letting him continue, shaking but loving every bit? He was happy. Damn. Finally, a girl who could keep up with him and she had to be taken. “You okay?” He asked, rubbing his thumb over her clit lazily. His mouth had kissed at her thighs, biting down gently on one. “Hm.. can I mark here?” It wasn’t like her boyfriend was gonna see it. “And you don’t mind if I get myself off, do you?” He wanted to cum on her thighs or her stomach. His cock ached in his pants and he had no problem just getting her off, but he needed to cum. Of course he wouldn’t ask her to do anything, though. Despite it all, he respected her. She was a good girl. He was tainting her a bit but, she was happy to be tainted.
Y/N nodded her head to let him know she was okay, but he didn’t seem happy with her nodding, he wanted an answer. “Yes.” She whimpered out an answer to all of the things that he asked, still breathing shakily and twitching whenever the tension built up enough. The slow rubbing on her clit was still bringing her lots of pleasure, it made her want to cum again and that freaked her out. Could she really take that much? She’d never seen a cock in person before. Only even in porn but she didn’t watch that either because it made her feel yucky. Y/N swallowed thickly, seeing just how big he was. Holy shit. That was meant to fit inside someone? She already had trouble sticking her fingers in, but that? However, she was interested in watching him. Y/N watched him with loopy eyes, knowing for a fact she’d worship him after this. If he let her come back for more she happily would. Hell, she’d follow him around like a puppy if he kept making her feel like this.
It was probably the hottest hook up Harry’s ever had. Truth be told. He was in shock that Y/N was so needy for it and the fact she had let him be the one to play with her, to get her off, it was astonishing. There was nothing hotter than watching her legs open and pussy pulsing a bit from the intensity of her orgasms. 
“Mmm... you’re fucking hot.” Harry hissed, stroking himself as he bit down on her thigh. She let out a yelp that turned into a whine as he sucked a mark on to the softness of it, smirking when she rutted into his finger. After that though, he decided to take things up. “M’not gonna go in. Just... relax.” He rested himself against her cunt and rubbed the tip against her clit as he stroked himself heavily, hissing when her slickness covered him. It made it easy to stroke. “Jesus, you’re good. Feels good, hm? Better than your own fingers?” He knew it was. She looked fucked out, hips bucking into his own as he approached his own orgasm. Would it be too far to cum on her cunt? “Can I... fuck, can I cum on your cunt?” He had originally wanted her tummy or her thighs but seeing his cock against her now... he felt a bit primal.
Y/N had never expected this. This was the farthest she’d gone with anyone and the fact that it was with the guy that she’d been fantasizing about for years? It felt so unreal, definitely added to the intensity of her orgasms. Having him mark her? In a place where she’d be the only one to find it? That made her cunt throb. He started rubbing himself on her and she felt like that was a whole other level of horny. He felt so good against her, Y/N didn’t think she was that hot but Harry seemed to think so and that was enough to get her to feel confident enough to answer him with her full voice when he asked to cum on her cunt. 
“Yeah... you can cum on me..” Y/N didn’t have it in her to say cunt yet, but baby steps nonetheless. Harry was so hot, he looked so good above her. They weren’t even naked, just their lower halves, which in a way made it hotter because they were just that needy. His face was still slick with her, and that was something she couldn’t get over. 
It was apparent that Y/N didn’t know just how hot she was and that was a goddamn shame in Harry’s opinion. Because she was. She was so hot and he was sure that this wasn’t going to be the only time they had fun. 
“Fuck.. fuck.” He hissed as he began to cum on her. There was nothing like watching his cum stripe over her, soiling it with the white cream. It only made his orgasm better, a groan leaving him as he ran his cock through the slit and pressed against her clit again. “Fuck me, that’s so hot.” He whispered, mouth open at just how good it looked. When he saw her gawking at it, her tits moving under the fabric of her top, he smirked. “Want to taste it?” He ran two fingers through the mess.
Watching Harry cum was definitely the hottest thing Y/N had ever seen, the sounds he released and his scrunched up face was enough to make her shudder. On top of that, the feeling of hot cum ribboning over her cunt was something that she again couldn’t explain. It felt good, satisfying, especially because he seemed to be dying over it.
“Yes.”
It was a quiet squeak of an answer but it was an answer. Y/N was curious, she wanted to know what he tasted like and had a feeling that he too wanted her to try. If she didn’t like it she’d pretend to like it, but holy fuck she did actually like it. It was salty, a strange texture, but definitely not the worst thing she’d ever had in her mouth. It had its own taste, but she enjoyed that. Her mouth was wrapped around his fingers, gently licking and sucking the cum off his fingers while watching his eyes. He seemed to like this a lot too. Y/N was learning quite a bit, mostly that Timmy was definitely gay. But she didn’t just want to confront him like that that wouldn’t be fair. As soon as she was done, Harry kissed her again. This time it was more gentle than before. A kiss of appreciation. That was some good shit. Harry hadn’t been with someone who was a virgin and didn’t realize how horny they got— maybe it was just Y/N, though. He could have been having this and he didn’t. 
It was a good thing for Harry though. He got to have what he wanted and while he knew that was a lot, he didn’t really care that he could potentially hurt his feelings. He had made Y/N feel inadequate anyways. 
“Let me clean you up.” He murmured, smiling when she pouted when he pulled away. He was gentle with it, wiping her clean with tissues next to his bed. When she jumped, he chuckled. 
“Sensitive, I know.” He was smug about it though. Yes. He had done that. Though it was a shame she was too sensitive to clean it with his tongue. He would have been down.
The kiss was definitely something that Y/N needed. It was a nice little reminder that Harry was a gentleman and that she hadn’t just gone and done stuff with someone who was a complete asshole. Y/N always knew that Harry was a good guy, sure she’d heard rumors about him and knew he had gotten around and did drugs, but never had she heard about him being mean. Even when cleaning her up he was gentle, but of course she felt all shy again because she was laying fully exposed in front of the guy she had a crush on who had just made her cum three times within the span of 20 minutes. It was a lot. She’d completely forgotten about the fact that she was here to do an anatomy project. Y/N stayed quiet for the most part, letting him clean her up. Once she was finished she slipped on her panties again, though it felt quite dirty because they were still soaking wet. She’d need to take a shower when she got home. “Thank you.” She told him, feeling herself blush all over again.
“You’re welcome. Do you want a pair of boxers or something to wear instead of your panties?” Harry didn’t want her to be uncomfortable. At the relieved look on her face, he chuckled and went to his drawer, grabbing his smaller pair. “Here. May be big on you but, better than being uncomfortable.” He threw them to her and grabbed his water bottle, taking a sip before sitting down. “Want to do this project then?” Now that the sexual tension was at least fixed for a bit, he was happy to get to work. He wanted to see her get a good grade too. It didn’t have to be weird. 
“Oh, thanks.” Y/N smiled bashfully and stood up to change into them. There was no need for her to be all shy about it anymore. Y/N put her dirty panties to the side, taking a sip of her water bottle as well because lord knows she needed up. She was definitely a lot looser after their little activities, much more relaxed and open to talking and working. 
It really did feel better after they'd fucked around. Harry noticed that Y/N was more loose and seemed to feel more at ease now that he’s had his mouth on her pussy. They’d done a bit today and he was sure he would be on her mind for a long time after she left, which made him smug. 
----
They were finishing up when he asked for her number. “Put yours in. Dunno if you want to do this again but... I wouldn’t mind.” Harry would love it.
Y/N was already thinking about doing this again. Now that all her initial nerves were out of the way, she felt like I’d be easier for her to do things with him. She’d probably never initiate it again like this until she was this desperate, but whenever he wanted her again, if he did, she’d happily come over. She typed in her number and texted herself.
“The project or?” Y/N was a bit stupid sometimes, she didn’t want to assume he wanted to but based on the look on his face she figured he meant the other thing. “Oh, yeah— I um... I’d like that very much.” She said and finished putting her stuff away. “Thanks again... I’ll see you.” Y/N spoke when he walked her down the stairs and out the door. 
She’d left her panties in his room.
He had come upstairs to find the lovely gift that was left. Sure, it wasn’t on purpose but it was his now. He’d let her know that. They smelled like her and damn, it was good. Stuffed in his side drawer, he sat and absorbed the whole thing. Maybe he should feel guilt for having her cheat. But she needed it. The poor girl was nearly frothing at the mouth with need for sexual release and something about him tickled her. He couldn’t say no to that. Especially when she was so excited to do it and so responsive. 
Later that night he texted her. 
‘Hey, it’s Harry’
‘Did you want to come over again on Friday and work?’ He snickered at that. They’d work but... he knew by Friday she would be wanting more. 
‘Also, appreciate the gift you left. They’re lovely. Xx’ He sent a picture of the waistband of the panties in his hand.
On the bike ride home Y/N felt herself whimper every time she went over a bump. Harry had definitely done a number on her and she couldn’t have been more thankful. She texted Timmy when she got home, asking him about how he was and how his day was as usual though, she was surprised she didn’t feel really guilty. By the time she had showered and freshened up, she saw that she’d received texts back from both of them, but of course she wanted to answer Harry’s first. 
‘Hii! yeah, I can do that!’
‘oh my god 🤭’
She left them at his house? Fuck. She should have just put them in her bag but... she did have his boxers, so it didn’t really matter did it? Timmy had texted her back responding with how his day went saying he was super busy getting ready for his re-election campaign. It was his way of saying they wouldn’t really be able to hang out. She told him that she was sad but that she’d see him at school. Realistically she knew she needed to talk to him, but she wanted him to be able to tell her I’m his own time. She’d stop trying to have sex with him, only if he tried though.
‘I’ll be having fun with them. They’re in great hands. Don’t worry.’
He was smug about it for sure. But still, he couldn’t help but feel beyond happy about it because perhaps he had found a new person to fuck around with. Sure, he liked hook ups at parties but he had wanted a designated person to be around and fuck with. And Y/N was a cool chick. He hadn’t paid too much attention to her before, only to notice she was hot and also questioning why she was dating that kid. But the closer he got, the hotter she was. And fun to be around after she chilled out. She hadn’t mentioned being surprised by his room and the kind of nerdy star stuff in it. So he liked her a bit more for that. 
‘Good. Come over on Friday and we can work late. My dad’s away and my mom is on her book tour shit, so we’ll be alone, if that’s cool w you?’
Was he? He was flirting a bit wasn’t he? Y/N wasn’t exactly sure but him suggesting that his parents would be away and that they would be alone in his house again made butterflies erupt in her stomach. She was really excited to see his cats again and hang out, they’d likely finish another part of their project and likely fuck around a bit and that made her nervous all over again. 
‘Okaaay sounds good :) ’
She set her phone on her stomach and just looked up at the ceiling. Holy shit. Y/N couldn’t wait for Friday now, excited to see what else he’d have in store for her. She was simply excited to get to know him a bit more, he was hiding a lot of stuff from people from school. Of course she noticed all the astronomy shit in his room, saw the tons of books that he had with sticky notes showing they were clearly annotated. There was a lot more to him than met the eye.
---------------------------------------
[part 2]
A/N: Without giving too much away, yes, skater boy harry is bi and is whore for astronomy but we’ll get into that later ;) - n+d
let us know what you think!
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Adopting E-001 (Eveline Adoption Au)
Ok I know like Eveline’s dead but just imagine Eveline getting adopted by the four lords (And Mother Miranda) . She always wanted a family in RE7 and I think the four lords are exactly the family her little crazy ass needs
Donna Beneviento: Eveline would love all her dolls no doubt, she’d probably spend most of her time there since Despite how shy Donna is she’s probably the most well equipped to deal with a child. I like to think she even gifts Eveline with a little doll so she could have a little playmate, they probably both mess with any poor soul who ends up in there with Eveline being the little girl in the hallway and angie popping up five seconds later to game end some dude.  They’d be the deadliest duo possibly and trust me there’s nothing more creepy than a little girl and a haunted ass doll, plus tbh they do kinda look like sisters!
Alcina Dimitrescu: She’s definitely never the type to be prepared for a child? If I recall correctly all of her daughters were teenagers when they were adopted so chances are having a little girl would be a hectic change of pace, she’d probably leave her with Bela, Daniela and Cassandra who would be more than happy to show their little sister how to tear a man thing limb from limb properly and then give her a little piggyback ride around Castle Dimitrescu with Alcina watching with a smile in the  background. She occasionally finds little Eveline walking around and pats her on the head, saying that she’s going to do her very proud Karl Heisenberg: OH BOY. This one is gonna be fun. Karl would no doubt be the fun uncle, making Eveline a little metal figure and just taking her on a joyride on his custom motorcycle around the factory (Don’t ask how that works but trust me.) He’d pretty much be chill about it, if he’s unable to watch her then he has one of his zombie automatons take care of her and Eveline is happy just to have yet another playmate. She nicknames the zombie “Jesse” based off a name or two of victims she heard at the baker house (Plus Jesse and Heisenberg? I had to make a breaking bad reference where I could.) and like over time i think she invests enough in said zombie to try and teach him a little bit of words much to her frustration. She still appreciates seeing him skewer molded she makes for fun though. Karl finds it kind of odd that she invests so much into a zombie but he’s not going to kill her fun especially since it’s honestly kind of both morbid and cute that they always come back covered in some poor molded or lycans blood. Hell he even joins in a good majority of the time when he’s not on lord business, helping them mow through a couple lycans/molded as some sort of bonding time. I think he also calls her something like “Scamp” or “Evie”  Salvatore Moreau: Uncle Sal!! Others might find him gross but Eveline is honestly quite used to swampy areas given that she literally spent 3 years at the baker house. She knows what its like to feel disliked by the others and as such I think she tends to spend most of her time with him and trying to make him laugh, playing hide and seek in the mines or riding on his back while he’s in fish form. She loves him to death and she will literally skewer anyone who so much as makes him feel bad about himself. Salvatore himself is just so happy to have someone who doesn’t judge him at all and accepts him as he is, she might creep him out a little but she has the best of intentions (When it comes to him and the other lords. Humans and the grunt molded/lycans not so much) I think Moreau knows a few sea shanties and songs about fishing that he teaches Eveline, Eveline learns them happily and can recant them by memory which makes Salvatore’s Warm and Slimy heart even happier. I like to think of their relationship like the Big Daddies and Little sisters from Bioshock basically, meaning sal is very affectionate towards her and will literally go apeshit at anyone who tries to harm his sister. Mother Miranda: I think she likely sees Evie as like the perfect person to reincarnate her little daughter Eva with but the four lords catch onto her shit and basically force her to accept little Evie as is since they all would put aside their differences and send Miranda burning and screaming to her dead daughter if they hurt her. Miranda accepts this eventually, just happy to have another little shit in her house again. I think she is really affectionate once she gets used to evie? Like she didn’t get to spend much time with her daughter and here is this little ten year old girl, not a day older than Her Eva and she looks exactly like her too. She gives her a little teddy bear and puts her to bed, whispering a little lullaby she probably sung to Eva long ago and smiles. I don’t think there’s honestly much to say with her, she’d just be happy and a lot less salty Sure their family is imperfect, they still need to have a constant influx of prey but they’re a screwed up ass family no need to dodge that. What they do have in common though is that they have Eveline
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whatiwillsay · 4 years
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submission: we need to talk about ttb (spade-riddles)
Hey Cam. Seeing that ask defending TTB’s doxxing has sort of pushed me to finally share some of my story on Tumblr, I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to anyone fully, so this will probably be long, but I hope you don’t mind me venting.
I’m one of the people that got emailed by TTB. I don’t feel comfortable posting this off anon, but I was in a Discord server with you and @bisluthq and some other people back in Dec/Jan. I don’t know if you remember me, but my name on there was one word and began with an L and ended with an S.
I want to share the full story, but I also don’t feel comfortable with sharing certain details publicly because I’m still very wary of getting outed further by her if she sees this, so I’m gonna be vague about some things
Request to her followers — If you see this, please don’t send this to her. Like I’m genuinely asking you not to because I don’t trust her not to cross any more lines. My dad is a major homophobe with serious anger issues who has literally been arrested for violence before, and she doesn’t really think carefully or maybe even care about how any actions she takes could lead to people being harmed, so I’m not eager to see how she might react.
Anyway, I first got an email back in December, and I was really freaked out by it at first. I spoke to one of my mutuals about it, and although we both agreed it was super weird and invasive and creepy, we ended up trying to see the funny side of it. So, I kinda just brushed it off and moved on. I was mainly just really confused about why I had been targeted because at the time, I thought it was only me who’d gotten an email like that. I didn’t understand why she’d specifically targeted me instead of other people who she clearly disliked a lot more.
About a week later, I saw someone on Tumblr mentioning a strange email, and I realised other people must have gotten them too. I spoke to Nat about what happened to me and ended up in the Discord
At the time, I felt like I’d gotten off really easy comparatively to others because I initially didn’t realise that she’d contacted anyone else. And so I tried to act chill about it because I didn’t want to make things about me, but honestly, I was extremely anxious. I felt on edge for over a week. I would keep checking her blog again and again because I was super worried that she would post our personal details publicly. I scrolled through my entire blog from start to finish and deleted a lot of posts that were either personal or that I just didn’t want anyone I knew in real life to read.
This part I have to be vague about because it would basically give away who I am, but it was only a while later when I thought I was in the clear that someone I knew in real life texted me and mentioned seeing a weird email about me. The email had been sent a while back, and they’d been shown it by the original recipient/s. Multiple people had been shown it, but luckily (kinda), only two of those people were actually people I saw on a regular basis
I’m mostly closeted, but I’m kind of technically out to a few of my immediate family members. But it’s very much a DADT situation because they’re not accepting, and they like to just pretend I’m straight. And so I basically have to act closeted even when I’m around them, and I can’t even ALLUDE to being gay.
But with my dad, it’s different. He’s very homophobic. I’m only gonna mention this next part so that people understand what kind of dangerous situation that TTB could have put me in. (And the other people that she doxxed too because she didn’t know how safe their individual situations were). It’s all really personal, and I wouldn’t ordinarily feel comfortable sharing any of this at all, even anonymously, but I think it needs to be said because her actions were extremely fucking irresponsible.
Right, so when I first “came out” to my dad, it was actually an accident, and he reacted… extremely badly. This was back in like… 2018 or 2019, I can’t remember the exact year
(TW // physical abuse, homophobia)
He was extremely angry, literally shaking. He yelled at me, he described in graphic detail how he was going to “break every bone in my body”, “strangle the life out of me”, “drown me”, etc. He kept telling me that I’m disgusting and going to Hell, you get the idea. He was having a lot of fun with making strangling motions and stabbing motions with his hands, and he kept slamming his hand onto the table. That went on for about 15 minutes, and then he stood up and threw a chair from the dining table at me. That was fun lol. And he punched me in the head pretty hard which kinda knocked me back. I felt dizzy, I had to sit down on the floor. At that point, my mum who had been crying and asking him to stop physically intervened, and he ended up storming out of the house instead. My mum’s a genuinely good person btw. She’s a little homophobic, but she cares about me a lot, and I’m very grateful for her. She hates him too, but she’s kinda stuck with him… It wasn’t her fault
He literally hates gay people. He complains about us on the regular. One time, he threw the remote at the TV and cracked the screen just because there was a gay male couple kissing onscreen. Another time, he threw a rock at a gay man on the street. There was also a time where he forced a few of my siblings (who didn’t want to do it) to throw peeled oranges out of the window at people celebrating pride while he drove past them and yelled insults at them. He found that really funny. Anyway, I’m sure you guys get the idea of what kind of person he is
He hasn’t laid a hand on anybody in several months though, so I do think he’s trying to be better at least. Like he’s still verbally abusive and controlling and awful, but I appreciate that he’s at least making an effort to calm down with the hitting and kicking and stuff
Anyway, with my dad, it’s less DADT and more that I think he’s got it in his head that he managed to scare me into “seeing the error of my ways” and that I’ve “stopped choosing to be gay” and that I’m now straight. So, if it had been HIM who had gotten that email, it would’ve been like… extremely bad. Like I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. And this is why I’m so angry at TTB. It was extremely, extremely irresponsible of her to not consider these kinds of possibilities before she sent out her stupid emails. She’s supposed to be an ally, but it didn’t even cross her mind that these emails would lead to people being outed and possibly even harmed?? It’s not okay at all. I’m just very grateful that she didn’t send one to him because I don’t even know what kind of situation I would be in right now.
Anyway, enough about my fucking awful dad… I feel uncomfortable that I even typed all of that out, but I wanted people to understand how dangerous her actions could have been. Like I mean, my dad’s got PTSD and extreme anger issues from his teenage years, so I do try not to judge him TOO harshly, but there’s no excuse for being a huge bigot or occasionally violent. The idea of him being the one who got that email is still so scary to me. Like my heart is racing just thinking about it
One of the people that DID read the email was the male friend I mentioned earlier though. He was shown it by someone else for a particular reason, and he was a very important person to me. Like he was a good guy, we were close, he helped me out with certain personal issues I have and is one of only two people that I know in real life that I felt comfortable confiding in about them. We’d always meet up once a week, sometimes twice, and we’d just talk about stuff and make an effort to help each other out with things. Like he was very important to me.
It turns out that he’d looked through my blog before I’d got around to scrubbing it, and he asked me if I was gay in person the next time we met up. I couldn’t lie because like… he’d have known I was lying right to his face. So, I told him I was, and you should have seen his face. It made me feel so awful about myself. He looked really stunned and shocked and kinda uncomfortable. Like it got so awkward, and I started rambling and making things worse. He was avoiding eye contact, and my voice was shaking.
I ended up making up an excuse to leave about 5 mins later and had an actual anxiety attack. Again, this is embarrassing and something I’d never usually talk about online, but I just want to get it all off my chest so that I can move past it all.
So, I was like on the verge of tears (I don’t cry easily), I couldn’t breathe properly, I was pacing around the building, and I just wanted to escape, so I headed straight for the doors. There was a queue of about 100 people lined up and waiting to leave, and I couldn’t think straight or breathe and just needed to be outside, so I tried to go out through the other exit which is for staff only. The security guard stopped me and basically publicly humiliated me in front of all of those people. He loudly shamed me and said I “didn’t have any decency” for attempted to jump the queue, lectured me in this really condescending tone, and then sent me right to the back of that huge line. Meanwhile, I was literally in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.
And then I eventually got outside and had to call my mum to come and pick me up instead of just making my own way home like I usually do. She’s amazing though tbh because she actually came to get me and didn’t even question why. I had to skip all of my plans for the rest of the day and instead just hid upstairs in my bedroom with the lights off until the next day. I refused to tell any of my family members what had happened even though they kept asking. I just felt so, so awful, and my anxiety was through the roof
To be honest, before that happened, my mindset was like: “I mean, if I get outed, it obviously wouldn’t be good, but I think I’d be able to deal with it fine”. But then, when it actually happened, and I saw the way my close friend reacted, I had like a whole emotional breakdown lol. It’s like, you think you’d be fairly chill in a situation, but when it actually happens, your reaction can be really unpredictable. I was so embarrassed by everything about that entire incident. I didn’t even want to show my face the next day.
It’s been almost two months since that happened, and in that entire time, my friend has contacted me once. We literally used to meet up once or twice a week (and during lockdown, we’d do video calls or phone calls instead), but since then, we’ve barely even spoken. Things are just so awkward now. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like TTB’s taken one of my best friends away from me. I don’t think he’s a homophobe or anything, he has openly gay friends and is fairly accepting, but I think it’s just the way that he found out that has just made things so weird between us now. I feel like if I’d had the chance to come out to him myself in my own way, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. But I’m gonna text him next week and see if we can maybe try to fix our friendship, but I doubt it at this point
The other people who were shown the email, I mostly just avoid. I don’t really care about them knowing that much because I wasn’t close to them, but it’s just really embarrassing knowing that they probably scrolled through my Tumblr blog before I scrubbed it
And about Tumblr… This used to be the only place that I could fully be myself. It was like a “safe space” for me which feels ironic now. But I haven’t been active on my blog since December. I still lurk occasionally, but I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I did consider deleting my current blog and starting afresh with a new one, but I don’t think it’d make much of a difference… Like she’s kind of ruined Tumblr for me. I do still enjoy reading people’s blogs every now and then, but I don’t feel relaxed here anymore, I just feel on edge.
It’s mainly the fact that SHE’S still here. She still has a platform, she still has a bunch of followers. It’s been so hard seeing her face next to no consequences whatsoever for the horrible things that she’s done to so many different people. And it upsets me that she hasn’t even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Plus, it makes me feel even worse that the Hard Kay blogs and some other people are still supporting her and pretending that this whole thing just didn’t happen. Like do they just not care? Or is it that she’s twisted things and made them believe that the situation was different to what it actually was?
And tbh, this whole situation has even set me back in my own sort of personal self-acceptance journey. I had such bad internalised homophobia when I was younger, and it took me so many years to get to a place where I had mostly accepted myself. But now I just feel ashamed again, and I’ve gone back to my old habit of trying to force myself to be attracted to men. Like I downloaded Tinder the other day and set my preference to men and was swiping through profiles. It’s kinda silly actually. I did snap out of it and delete the app the next day though. But I don’t know, I feel like this whole thing has just kinda fucked with me a bit. I am trying to work this stuff out and get back to normal though. I think I’ll be good again in maybe a month or so, hopefully.
And… yeah. I just really resent her, and this situation upsets me. Because the reason she did this was so petty and ridiculous, and I guess she didn’t even realise how much it would impact people? Like I do know that my situation wasn’t as bad as some of the other people’s situations, and I feel really bad for them, and I hope they’re all doing okay. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. But it still has impacted me a lot more than I actually thought it would. I thought I’d get over it within a couple of weeks. But it’s been like two months, and I’m still not completely over it
I know it might not sound like a huge thing, but being outed really does affect you, even if it’s only to a few people. Because to me, I feel like I’ve had my sense of like, security and comfort taken away, and it’s kinda distressing. Sorry if I sound dramatic with any of this, I just really needed to say all of this stuff to other people besides myself lol
Like her actions have literally led to me being outed to a few people. A close friendship that I had has basically been ruined. I don’t feel comfortable or secure on Tumblr anymore, even though it used to be an important outlet for me. I’ve had a resurgence of anxiety about my sexuality. Etc.
And again, my dad is extremely homophobic and literally made death threats to me and physically attacked me back when I accidentally came out to him in 2018 or 2019. And if he had gotten that email, I don’t even know what would have happened. I don’t think he would have like… SERIOUSLY physically harmed me, but there would definitely have been a repeat of the first incident. More throwing chairs at me and hitting and screaming and death threats. I don’t really want to think about it.
It just bothers me that she didn’t even consider that? Like did it not even cross her mind? And my dad is bad, but I’m sure there are people in the fandom who have even worse parents, and she could have got one of those people instead. It’s just so… I don’t know, it’s just so frustrating to me.
Anyway, I just hate her for what she did… Like maybe I shouldn’t, but I really do resent her so much, and I don’t think I could forgive her even if she apologised to us all (which I don’t think she even would because she doesn’t seem to have any decency whatsoever). The least she could do is at least express some kind of remorse, but she just genuinely doesn’t care, and that’s super messed up. All over some stupid Tumblr blog that is much less important than she thinks it is.
But anyway… I apologise for the whole rant, and if anybody read all the way down to here, I appreciate it. I do actually feel a bit better now that I’ve got this all typed out. And I’m sorry for the oversharing lol, I usually don’t do this, but I just felt like I really needed to tell people and get it off my chest so that I can try to get over it — L
submisssion⬆️⬆️⬆️
ok L i am trying to remain calm here because this isn’t about me.  but i am very emotional right now.  i am so so so infinitely sorry that you had to go through this harrowing and terrifying experience.  ttb (now blogging under spade-riddles) is absolutely disgusting, lower than dirt, that she would put your life, safety, and well-being at risk over a fucking kaylor blog.
please please please im me or get in touch somehow because i want to offer you support.  have you been financially impacted by this?  we can raise money.  do you need therapy?  we can help you find the support you need.  this community is unequivocally here for you.  whatever you need, if it’s in my power to help you get it, i will.  you have my solemn promise on that.
i am so deeply and desperately sorry that you have gone through this.  i was shaking while reading your story.
i am in touch with other people and we are in discussion about the best way to let tumblr know what happened.  this will be a safe space for you (and all of us) again if it’s the last thing i do.  this community is 100% here for you in any way we can help, sending you all the support and love we have.
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flowerflamestars · 4 years
Note
okay i’m still obsessed with your idea of nesta and tarquin together!! would you mind giving us a little more on that, like how would they first interact, what would nesta think of him, all of that? thank you so much!!!! 💚💚
I would love to!!!
The important thing to remember about the Tarquin Draft is that is has the same main story as Daylight: Nesta in Day, Nesta the Library, Helion’s grumpy best, best truest friend ride or die companion.
So Nesta doesn’t actually meet Tarquin again until she’s halfway to okay. It’s plotwise timeline closest to where she is in the most recent chapter- feeling at home in her body, really hitting her stride as Librarian, gaining a reputation as just an absolutely formidable force who helps anyone who asks.
There’s been correspondence between the Library and Summer- Nesta, acting as a go-between for Kallias- but remember, no one uses her name. 
So it’s a big surprise when the Librarian arrives in Summer, pulls down her black and gold hood and...there is Feyre Archeron’s face, like a nightmare. Except not- wearier, sharper, older, devastation and salvation like the sunrise after a storm at sea- Nesta, who laughs in Cresseida’s face when the Princess of Adriata calls her a Night Court spy.
Nesta: wouldn’t that require belonging to the Night Court? Try my baby sister, if you’d like to yell about idiotic plans. Where are the books that keep eating people?
Cresseida is so wary, but Nesta, of course, isn’t actually going to leave before handling the cursed trove some Summer sailors pulled from the sea. She’s the Librarian.
Tarquin just...doesn’t want this. Doesn’t want to be proved inexperienced, that he can’t act for his people’s good by a beautiful woman again. But Nesta aggressively wants to help, and ultimately, he lets her.
And Nesta acts nothing like Feyre.
She takes off that cloak of office (listen, I’m picturing like, the coolest wide-legged, sleeveless white linen jumpsuit that has EVER existed, chic but functional), puts on a sunhat that she...magicked into her hand? and stomps into the shallows. Starts pulling sailors souls out of the treasure and hauling them to shore.
It’s terrifyingly efficient. And listen, Tarquin doesn’t give a shit about rank, so he, after some very blushy surprise because no, he did not know he had a competency kink and Nesta Archeron has tiny adorable little freckles on her shoulders- gets in the waves to help.
Nesta doesn’t even look at him.
What she does is save the lives of twelve of his men, pick up the faintly hissing, utterly cursed chest of books that started all this, and ask Cresseida is there’s a room where she can work. 
So they take her to the palace. 
The beautiful ambassadors rooms, windows and silk and the sound of water. 
It becomes clear that the curse is in fact, just a curse, but one that can only be broken under the full moon, which is two weeks away. So Nesta stays, being the only person who can keep that magic from spreading. The only payment she wants is to take the books back when she goes which leaves Tarquin, arms full of the traditional gift of pearls, VERY embarrassed.
But he gets over it. Tarquin is genuinely chill- he has baggage from the weight of his responsibility, of being fooled by the Night Court- but he’s also so, so young. Kind. Curious. He doesn’t want to judge Nesta on the actions of people related to her, and once she proves herself, he doesn’t.
And meanwhile Nesta is like, cool. Cool, cool, cool- I can’t sleep while I’m here, I can’t winnow home and sleep because the Library can’t suppress a curse from hundreds of miles away, I’m not going to steal the books like a fucking thief in the night like Feyre-
So Nesta does a lot of exploring. 
Tarquin comes into the harbor one morning, pink still streaking the sky. He’d been up in predawn doing Manly Boating Things with his navy- he walks through the harbor, lets the sounds his happy people sooth the rush of magic that still surprises him- to shape the sea, to cease the waves, to bend the world, to call the tide- and goes looking for breakfast.
Instead, he finds Nesta.
In line a line waiting for fresh bread and pastries, in another insanely attractive white outfit, looking at the sky. She’s alone- he’d given her guards, servants, knew damn well Cresseida was watching her- holding a basket, drinking coffee with her free hand.
So Tarquin joins her.
It cannot be overstated how genuinely charmed they both are with how normal it is. No death and war between them. No magic drawing them together. No real history- Nesta isn’t Feyre in the slightest- just a man with salt drying in his hair and a beautiful grin, asking if he can buy Nesta breakfast. 
Just Nesta, and the only High Lord she’s ever met besides Helion who isn’t aggressive. As she says, Nesta has as many problems with High Fae men as they tend to her- the siren song of power, challenge called to challenge by her very primordial being.
And listen, Tarquin is a huge, very physical dude. Summer faeries are touchy, in a friendly way. But he also, like Helion, is smart enough to pick up on how screamingly uncomfortable men make Nesta. He doesn’t know why, and noticing it made him feel a little sick- but he’s careful. Kind, funny Tarquin, whose managed in knowing her just a few days to figure out how to approach her without triggering her.
So Nesta says yes. Nesta probably says something snarky as hell about his High Lordly hospitality.
And Tarquin laughs- genuinely, beautiful.
He’s still laughing when they get to humble little window, and Nesta goes still. 
Tarquin clocks it- handles what they’re doing, gets Nesta out of the line of people without unnecessarily touching her. He sort of thinks she’s having a panic attack?- finds a nice quiet bench under a tree. He’s also pretty sure he’s making it worse just by being present, but he’s not going to leave her alone like this- so Tarquin just like, sits on the ground.
Which startles Nesta. She looks up- he doesn’t know her well enough to know what’s going on, so he’s extremely confused when Nesta goes: why is she here?
Tarquin: ???
Nesta: the HUMAN
There’s part of Nesta thinking the worst possible scenarios- what her past and the Night court taught her. 
But Tarquin just like, blinks? Sets down the pastry bag on the bench for Nesta and is says well, she was shipwrecked. A whole passenger ship from the continent last summer- she was going to the North, to start a new business. But she liked it here, and decided to stay. 
Nesta: that human woman, owns a business? Here. 
Tarquin, who’s starting to get what is happening here: Yes. She’s a Summer Court citizen.
Nesta eats a pastry. Nesta, face wry, eventually hands a pastry to Tarquin, who’d seemingly decided she needed them more than he did. Tarquin wolfs it down in three bites, just enough time for Nesta to grumpily confess: I’ve never seen a free human, above the Wall.
Tarquin, haltingly, shyly is like: well, I want it to be different. We all share the same world. Acting like we’re not all the same is how Hybern almost took over- 
By the end of the sentence he’d managed to look up. That was the voice a High Lord, a man who had power and would use it.
So they have this truce, a spark of very real, pretty damned charmed interest. They walk back to the Palace across the whole city, talking.
The next day Nesta is deep in working Librarianing while she’s there- and Tarquin just pops up. Draws as little attention to himself as possible to be like, here. I noticed your hat blew away yesterday? So I brought you a new one. And some coffee. Do you like it cold? Don’t let me get in the way, what you’re doing is important.
What he means by important: incredible. 
It had taken him ages to find her, because Nesta is apparently spending her spare time- does she sleep??- winnowing all over his territory, solving any problems anyone asks of her, bringing books to schools. Talking to regional leaders about what their educational needs are. Chatting with sea monsters so the fishermen understand they’ll be totally safe, so long as they always throw back in that one kind of crab that the baby krackens exclusively eat.
And look, it is a coping strategy. Nesta CANNOT rest by the sound of the sea- but she’d also realized this kingdom her sister had fucked with had been hit so, so hard by Amarantha, and then the war. That she can help, so she will.
But she just kind of stops. Tarquin left as quickly as he came she’s just there like- coffee. hat. BEAUTIFUL RESPECTFUL MAN. It’s not the vibe of her and Helion. It’s flirty but not...pressing? It’s nothing like how any faerie man (see: Cassian) who wanted her has ever, ever treated her and it’s just...so, nice.
He’s nice. Gorgeous. Easy to be around, which Does Not Happen to Nesta ever.
Nesta breaks the curse and leaves. 
Keeps her promise to the schools, visits to sit on the shore and talk to sea monster babies, so much more prodigious now that they have enough food.
Tarquin thinks she’s amazing, and he starts writing to her. For real Lordship reasons, but also just to see what she’ll say- he wants to know how humans live. How his cities could integrate them. Can they use magic? Will they, if it’s available to them?  
Tarquin finds someone- witty, beautiful, so intriguing- who believes in the value of his most difficult dreams. Nesta finds someone who looks at the most fraught, hurt parts of her- humanity lost, a terrible human life, that she still, even now, asks herself sometimes if she can belong, and treats those things as important and integral.
And they fall in love.
It’s a story about a lot of things- Nesta, who drowned to become, learning the whole seas of world will still for her, protect her. Tarquin who does revolutionize his kingdom, and spend centuries counting Nesta’s freckles as they peel and disappear. 
Love of choice. Nesta, in the sun, being adored. Tarquin, who so many people think is foolish, a reckless dreamer, defended by the most loyal person on earth. 
There’s small details i love so much it makes me want to go to the extremely troublesome work of writing them their own story- Nesta inviting the mermaids from the Night Court waters to live in a place no on is afraid of them. Tarquin who is both sort of a golden retriever but ALSO a proud, petty bitch when tried, draping Nesta head to toe in rubies for inter-court events. 
With Tarquin the story really embraces the idea of eternity- of possibility. They’re young, they’re equals in this eternal life. There’s so many years ahead of them, so many things they can do: they have time to go slow, to make changes, to learn each other inside and out as they become the people they want to be.
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wizkiddx · 4 years
Text
...surprise
um okay so here I am trying angst again. this is kind of intended to be open ended bcos might have a part two at some point. im also lazy and has a few time jumps. also if someone could pls explain if you just get pics for the top of these off internet or credit on like gifs or something that’d be appreciated.
Summary: Tom comes home and everything is most definitely not the way he left, nor is it healthy
Warnings: please read with caution esp relationship with food / weightloss, but just generally a person in a bad bad head space, lots of self blame - then next parts will carry different warnings too
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Tom had been away for months. Months and months away from his girlfriend, separated entirely by his filming locations in Europe and America; while you were busy slowly and steadily climbing the ranks of your law firm. Being an intense period for the pair, you hadn’t managed to see each other in 2 and a half months.  Of course, both go you were used to this - 3 years deep into a relationship between an actor and a wanna-be lawyer- this was the name of the game.
But honestly? You both just kept falling deeper and deeper, making the separation harder to deal with - rather than getting used to it as one might hope.
That's why Tom felt such an incredibly overwhelming wave of relief as he dumped his bags just outside his front door. Even though he was exhausted from the travelling, just the mere act of finally phishing out his housekeys brought a massive grin to his face - caused particularly by the sight of his tacky little keyring from a Moroccan market that you’d bought him. That had been your first holiday. There’s that old saying that before you move in with someone go on holiday first - Tom understood it to mean you supposedly see all the bad and ugly stuff people can hide from each other, a prewiring before committing to living in the same space. However that holiday all he’d learned was incredible you are to him. To his dying day, Tom will never forget the moment he looked over to his left when the two of you were on this night time stargaze in the depth of the Moroccan desert. Y/n had never seen stars like it, the skies so incredibly clear and lit up with an array of magical blues and purples and whites on its sark background. The sight, for no unexplainable reason, had you completely opening up to Tom about things she’d never told a single soul. And in that moment he’d had this sort of realisation. Not about how much he loved her - because that is just the cliche thing everyone says… and also just wasn’t true.
In that moment he’d rather realised the potential. The sort of ‘I’m not there yet but I know you could become the centre of my universe’. The sort of ‘I’m not ready to say this yet, but I want to spend my life with you’. The sort of ‘at some point in my life I’m not sure my heart will be able to beat without yours’.
He still hadn’t quite got to explicitly saying all that yet, by asking you for the ultimate commitment. But he planned to now he was coming back to you.
Even with the chill of the early evening winter air, Tom was almost ecstatic as he unlocked the door and let himself in. He hadn’t told you that he was coming home, you thought he had another two weeks on the job, but Tom was a bit of an old romantic - he loved seeing your eyes fill with wonder as he surprised you in whatever way. Sometimes it was as simple as a note on the fridge, or a small bouquet from behind his back or as fancy as a surprise holiday.
However, this time, though it was only 6 in the evening, all the lights of their house were off making Tom raise an eyebrow as he quietly slipped off his shoes - not wanting to scare Y/n just in case.
Tom had sworn when he’d been on the phone with you the previous day, you didn’t have any plans tonight but perhaps maybe a spontaneous pub trip and been offered with work colleagues. The house felt a little cold as he padded through it, poking his head into every room just to check Y/n wasn’t there. His last port of call was the bedroom.
By this point, Tom was pretty resigned on the fact you were out and he’d maybe cook a meal for when you got back or hide about the house or something. But instead, when he poked his head around this door, he sighed in delight at the sight of a still mound under the plush white sheets. For a brief moment, Tom paused, before tiptoeing steadily round to her bedside. The light was still off but the hallway light illuminated the room enough so he could make out your soft features and the messy ball of hair that had been haphazardly thrown in a bun. Furthermore, he could also notice in the light the packet of painkillers and migraine tablets lying opened on the bedside - which made him freeze. Y/n didn’t get migraines often at all, but when she did Tom knew just how bad they could be. That explained the fact you were spark out at six o’clock, making Tom give a sympathetic smile. He crept back out the room with a little spring in his step, deciding that since he had had a long day travelling he'd grab a snack and join you. Unfortunately though, when he enthusiastically yanked the fridge open the sight was a rather depressing one. He didn’t really know what he was craving but the fridge contents were of almost no use to anyone. The place was bloody baron, apart from a tub of butter and of course his special beers that Y/n would never dare touch. With a small huff though, Tom resigned himself to some bread and butter, before getting ready for bed.
It was probably an hour later when Tom was carefully crawling under the duvet to settle in beside Y/n after the disappointing snack and maybe a solitary ‘welcome home beer’ - it would be rude not to. God was he excited to just have his girlfriend in his arms again though. So, Tom naturally reached over and powerfully yet gently pulled you back towards him - making your back flush with his as you mumbled something incoherent. Chuckling slightly at your apparent annoyance of being disturbed, Tom pressed a kiss to her temple before settling down momentarily.
But something wasn’t quite right, making Tom shuffle about a bit - ever adjusting huis grasp on your waist as he attempted to get comfy. With the migraine medications forcing you into a deep deep sleep you barely stirred and that just made the unease increase for Tom. Because you didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Ever so slowly Tom started to peel back the duvet from your body from his now sitting upright position. Typically, Y/n was wearing one of his hoodies, however more concerningly it seemed to pool and collect around your frame more than normal.
Now, Y/n was never the most petite person in the world - by no means overweight, instead of beautiful curves and muscle. To Tom now though, it was as if someone had literally shrunk you - like a picture on a word document you needed to make narrower to fit the margins. Even in the dim light of the bedroom he know realised you looked pale. Honestly, Tom didn’t know how long he just sat there staring at you, until you sighed a little and pulled the duvet back up to just under your chin.
He didn’t know what to think or do. All he knew was you didn’t look well and that you hadn’t said a thing to him. Feeling so very uncomfortable within himself, Tom climbed out the bed and simultaneously grabbed his phone. He knew he had to call someone, to check that you hadn’t been ill - but then who to call? Someone that wouldn’t judge or instantly worry- your mum was completely off the cards. Also, he hadn’t even given you the chance to explain yet, so really he knew there was only a couple of options who were close enough to him too.
“Hey what’s up?” “Um nothing much, back in the UK though so-“ “Oh shit really! Kept that one quite bro” “Yeh well came back to surprise Y/n” “Oh you're soooo whipped” “Fuck off Haz, have you um… have you seen her recently anyway?” “You're asking me if I’ve seen your girl while you’ve been away?” “I’m being serious. You’re pretty much brother and sister and I’m -I’m a bit worried.” “What? You know she wouldn’t cheat especially with me” Haz’s tone turned less serious, using a goofy accent “ I know too much.” Haz still attempted to lighten the mood, this conversation very unexpected and making him grow more and more concerned himself. “Haz quit it. I’m worried she’s been ill. I’ve come in and she’s asleep with a migraine but there’s no food in the fridge and she’s skinny as hell.” “Fuck er sorry I didn’t realise. But um no she’s been cancelling on us for the past like two weeks cos like…I don’t know said she was just snowed under at the firm so” “But before then?” “No yeh she was fine. Went to the pub a couple times and she always drove so didn’t drink but nothing weird - think she wanted to keep a clear head. What are you thinking?” “I don’t know to be honest mate. She seemed fine on the phone but I swear to god she looks half the size  of what she was when I left.” “Just talk to her in the morning? She probably is just stressed if work has been mad busy.” Tom hummed in agreement, half trying to convince himself too. “Yeh yeh, sorry for bothering you.” “Oh shut up mate - I’ll see you both at your parents for the roast tomorrow? Sams got some new recipe I think, he’s been wittering on about it for days.” “Yeh we’ll be there, see you then mate.” 
After signing off to Haz, Tom placed his phone on the little table on the upstairs hallway and sighed. He knew he was being over-protective but he couldn’t help it. Y/n was always the one to care for him, in fact to care for everybody int he room and then some.
He’d get to the bottom of whatever this was tomorrow, and so the rest of the evening Tom spent rather unhappily get ready before bed yet again before climbing back in next to you.
///////////////////////////
Tom woke before you, a combination of jet lag and the worry in the pit of his stomach meaning he stirred awake first. Instinctively he pulled you closer and nuzzled his nose into the side of your neck as he slowly began to wake up properly - shrugging off the grogginess. Tom was still really excited for you to realise he was back, predicting you  to excitedly hug him ever so tight and then spend the morning between the sheets. He knew you found the distance tough, especially when all your closest friends were coupled off, it meant you just didn’t have ‘your person’. It was almost as if you were single again and instead of pining over an ex, hopelessly and completely in love with someone across the globe. But that just made your time together even more invaluable and precious.
So even with his slight unease at your slimmer silhouette, Tom didn't have any control over the loopy grin that came to his face as you started to stir and mumble something incoherent, all the while (and subconsciously) inching closer towards him. By the slight fluttering under your eyelid, Tom knew you were waking up and so took the moment to tuck your frizzy bed hair behind your ear. Sighing contently Y/n’s eyes fluttered completely open and Tom met your gaze with the most gently of smiles.
However, he then watched moment by moment as your expression morphed for one of peacefulness and content, through confusion, and ending at pure terror. He had barely thought of asking you why, before you yelped, throwing yourself up into a sitting position and backing as far away on the bed as you could from Tom. “TOM... I-you can’t be here! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” “Y/n hey what’s wrong-“ “GET OUT! G-GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU CAN’T BE HERE” you  yanked the bedsheets to completely cover your huddled up body, as if trying to protect yourself. At this point, tears were streaming down your face and what truly terrified Tom was the expression of horror in your eyes. He threw his hands in the air and unsteadily stumbled to his feet. “O-okay I’m-“ “GET OUT!!! YOU CAN'T SEE ME GET OUT!” Completely bemused and shocked, Tom just nodded jerkily -already halfway out the door and accidentally slamming it in haste.
He had absolutely zero clue what that was about. But what he knew for a fact? He’d never ever seen you like that… you looked so completely terrified… of him? Tom couldn’t for the life of him work out what the hell was going on, as he paced from the shut door to the hallway wall and back again, running his hand through his hair throughout. He could hear you sobbing and whisper yelling - presumably at yourself. It felt as though his heart was being torn out, seeing you that upset and it appearing as his fault? He was acting on pure instinct and adrenalin because your pain hurt him too. He had no control of the physiological response in his body, making his hands shake and breathing increase in speed as it inversely got shallower too.
And so he took a short inhalation, biting his bottom lip as he knocked on the door. “Y/n?….” He got no response after waiting a couple of seconds so tried again - because he could hear you trying to stifle your sobs. After another two failed attempts he opted for a different approach. “Y/n… I’m worried about you… look, I know your upset right now but I need you to let me know your okay… or I’ll have to come in and…and I don’t want to spook you” “Don’t come in.” It was a sharp reply, with a voice that was cracked and clearly trying to keep It together. “Okay… I-I’m sorry if my surprise of coming home was a dumb idea…I-I’ve missed you.” Tom tried speaking softly, as he knelt down and sat with this back against the wall while nervously fiddling with his watch strap that he’d forgot to take off last night. Again he waited for a response but got nothing, again having to warn you he needed to know you were okay. He heard movements from the other side of the door, making him turn his head to the left, pressing his ear on the cool gloss paint. “I-I’m sorry” You barely were whispering, but Tom could sense you were now sitting in a position mirroring his “You don’t meed to apologise love” Returning her tone, Tom sighed at the end - trying to get his brain to process what was going on.
Y/n wasn’t one to overreact and Tom could count on one hand the number of serious fights they’d had in the three year romance. And even then, he was the one to raise his voice - when she argued it was more reasoned, slow and controlled. Actually it was one of the things that in those moments infuriated him even more - you were just so level headed and sensible. Scratch that, sensible purely in this context - everywhere else you were just as loopy as him. So this situation felt so very alien. He didn’t know how to help you and he bloody hated feeling useless.
After a few moments, you replied to apologise once again, for shouting specifically,  and Tom nodded - not that you could see. But that was one of the things Y/n had taught him, sometimes you just have accept things - no matter the context. Accept he wasn’t actually a superhero and couldn’t do everything, accept that sometimes he could be a dick and out of line or accept an apology.
“Can you.. can you try and tell me why your upset? I want to help.” He was trying to be gentle, non-confrontational. But he knew something was so wrong. He needed to know so he could try and help out. “I…”Y/n began, but quickly trailed off, as if trying to formulate the words properly. “I’ve just been ill and” again another pause “and I haven’t been looking after myself very well. I just planned to be umm- to be better when you got back.”
It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t really the truth either, at least not the whole truth. But it wasn’t a lie.
“I’m not sure I understand why your so worried about what I think though?” Tom inquired, as he started to fiddle with the door handle in his left hand - as if easing the idea of coming into his girlfriend without scaring you. In reply, you sighed again trying to put the words together without explicitly spelling it out to him. “I don’t- I thought you’d just be disappointed or-or think I’m reliant on you. I’m not and I can handle myself I just…. I don’t know.” “I love you, you idiot.”Tom chuckled at that, while standing up. “Can I come in now please? I promise I’m not disappointed just want to help you feel better.”
The door opened and no sooner could Tom take a step forward than Y/n ran into his chest, wrapping herself tightly around him in apology. He knew that he didn’t have the full story but really didn’t want to push her, more preferring to just love her. So that’s what they spent the rest of the morning doing, in their pyjamas and watching TV. Quite obviously, she wasn’t really making a lot of conversation, Tom filled some gaps with talking about filming - to which she’d hum in agreement or chuckle along. But for the most part Y/n was concentrating on something else.
The all-consuming guilt. That was what was eating away at her.
part 2?
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sevlgi · 4 years
Text
would it be so bad
requested: yes
group: twice
pairing: tzuyu x fem!reader
genre: fluff, angst
contents: hogwarts!au, quidditch player!tzuyu, rivals!au. [23/33]
warnings: none
synopsis: You’ve never exactly been the bright kind, at least not when it comes to love. Would it be so bad to realize your feelings for your partner in crime, though?
a/n: i decided to make the reader’s house ambiguous lol but i hope you enjoy! (also i realize that this isn’t british english, please excuse my idiot american english). i was originally gonna post this tomorrow in time for “cry for me”, but i realized that i should be respectful to jonghyun, and i will not be posting tomorrow ❤
word count: 5.3k
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“Tzuyu Chou and Y/N Y/L/N. Why is it that whenever something happens, it is always you two?”
The Slytherin standing beside you in McGonagall’s office stood as impassive as ever, no emotion to be found in her blank expression or her perfect posture. Perhaps that was a thing that Snape taught to his favorite students-- the ability to wipe any guilt or liability off your face in an instant, to stay steadfast in any situation.
Or maybe that was just Tzuyu’s own charm, you noted as you swayed back and forth on the balls of your feet, turning slightly so that you could view her side profile in your peripheral vision. Merlin’s balls, she’s gorgeous, you sighed to yourself, unable to take your eyes off the girl who had been your rival since before birth.
Instantly, you regretted it. “Y/L/N! Have something to say to Ms. Chou?” the professor snapped, the book she threw to the desk making a sharp cracking noise as you faced her again with your fingers knotted behind your back.
“No, ma’am,” you answered, moving your hand to zip your lips shut. Despite McGonagall’s exasperated sigh, a smile quirked at the corner of her lips; she’d always been kinder than she expressed on the outside, and that seemed to be no exception when it came to you.
“You do realize that you can’t get away with decimating the Quidditch pitch, do you?” The witch sat sternly at her desk, a quill scribbling on parchment of its own accord beside her. “It’ll cost thousands of Galleons to repair, and it may not even be possible to do so before the season begins. The two of you collapsed it!”
Tzuyu spoke for the first time since being called into the Headmaster’s office, her eyes still trained on the wall next to McGonagall’s head. “If I may. I believe I did more damage.”
“That is not a thing to be proud of!” Standing, the woman clenched her fists tightly and you smiled at the affect the two of you were able to have on her. No one had seemed to infuriate her quite so much since James Potter; even the Weasley twins were overshadowed as soon as you and Tzuyu sat on the Sorting Hat’s stool. “I realize that you may think you’re carrying on your families’ legacies, or that you’re gaining fame for your antics, but you will not pass your 6th year if you keep this up. I will make sure of it personally.”
“Understood, Headmaster,” you bowed. Your voice was still noticeably singsong-y, and McGonagall bristled at the tone, but she said nothing as Tzuyu followed your lead in dipping her head. “Won’t happen again.”
Had it been any of the other teachers, you were sure that you wouldn’t have been allowed to leave without a year’s detention, but the Headmaster merely pursed her lips and waved her office door open. “Very well. I expect to see you in Transfiguration tomorrow and not caving in the North Tower.”
And as soon as the (not-so) imposing wooden doors slammed shut behind the two of you, Tzuyu raised an eyebrow. “Did you mean it when you said it wouldn’t happen again?”
“Of course not,” you grinned in response, relaxing into a comfortable slouch again. “I just meant we wouldn’t collapse the Quidditch Pitch again. It’s too boring to do the same thing twice.”
She scoffed and followed as you swayed down the hallway, her voice a bit too quiet to echo off the stone walls like yours did. “Of course. And what exactly do you have next, Y/L/N? You won’t be able to one-up my Hogsmeade stunt, I’ll have you know. My parents taught me well.”
“Your parents were nowhere close to mine,” you sniffed, stopping to wave at Fred Weasley’s portrait on the wall. He wasn’t inside, of course, probably off to bother someone, but you liked seeing the heaps of unused pranks piled underneath the frame as offerings. “Which means that you’ll never get on my level either.”
Tzuyu easily caught up to you with her long legs, the slightly-too-short Slytherin robe swishing about her ankles. But no matter how much she annoyed you, the wintery sunlight shined brilliantly on the planes of her face, pooling in the dark color of her eyes. There was that kind of beauty to her that instantly told you she was a Slytherin, a kind of untouchable coldness that didn’t match the warmth hidden inside her heart. “Tell that to the amount of detention I’ve been forced to do,” she protested. “I had hours last week, while you--”
“Never seen a Slytherin so eager to serve detention.” Fred had returned, leaning on an empty portrait’s wall with a familiar smirk on his face. “Y/L/N, Tzuyu. Any mischief to let me in on?”
“McGonagall nabbed us for wrecking the Quidditch Pitch,” Tzuyu rushed to explain before you, a hint of pride sparking in her eyes when she beat you to the punch. “It’s collapsed. And all my doing.”
“Your-” You shoved her, hands colliding with her arm slightly harder than you meant to. But you didn’t bother to apologize, declaring, “I’ll have you know that I did more. I collapsed two of the bleachers, for Merlin’s sake!”
Fred watched the exchange with amusement, egging you on when Tzuyu glared at you. “Go on, pick a fight. You’re right outside old Flitwick’s classroom, though. I’m sure he won’t be too happy for the resident couple of troublemakers to interrupt lecturing first years on Charms.”
“We aren’t a couple,” Tzuyu blurted, stepping back from where she’d been inches away from your throat with her wand. You stared at her in confusion; when had Fred mentioned the two of you to be dating? “Just-- I don’t even like her.”
There was an all-knowing smile on the portrait’s face that you didn’t like, an expression that must’ve been passed on to his nephews as well judging by how often you saw it. “I know. Didn’t even mention that, really.”
“Yeah, Tzuyu, the hell?” When she avoided your gaze, you sighed and grabbed her arm, ignoring how she attempted to pull away at first. “Well, good seeing you, Fred. I’ll let you know how the next attempt goes.”
“Good luck!” he called out as you left. “She’s a stubborn one.”
You stopped at one of the arches leading out to the courtyard, your back to the students idly roaming. Tzuyu still avoided your gaze, crossing her arms and running her thumb over the engravings on her wand. “Hey. What was that about, Chou?”
She hesitated to answer even with her lips parted, and the bell that rang loudly in your ears served as her excuse. “Well, you heard it. Time for potions, don’t want to fail out.”
She walked off, ignoring the group of 4th year boys staring at her with parchment scrolls crumpled in their hands. But your brow was knitted as you stared at her retreating silhouette, and at the way that she walked too fast to notice Dahyun and Chaeyoung raising their hands to wave at her. “Since when have you cared about that?”
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Mina and Chaeyoung were disgustingly adorable at the dining table, but you were grateful enough for their company that you didn’t really care. “Maybe we should get Tzuyu’s ears checked,” Mina chuckled as she took a bite of the cake that her girlfriend fed her. “It’s not unlike Fred to say those things, but it is unlike her to take it so seriously.”
“Right? I didn’t think he was insinuating us to be a couple at all,” you frowned, digging into the treacle tart that you’d been picking at for the past hour. To be honest, you weren’t all that hungry, your mind only fixated on your friend/rival. “Do you think something else is going on?”
Chaeyoung shrugged, lips jutting out in a pout as she thought. “If it was anyone else, I’d think she was shaken up from being lectured by McGonagall. But it’s you two, so I doubt it. Double Troublemakers, aren’t you?”
“Double Troublemakers,” you snickered. “Jeongyeon really didn’t know what she was doing, coming up with that name first year.”
Jeongyeon herself, passing by on Nayeon’s arm, shouted out in protest and threw a balled-up handkerchief at your head. “Watch out, Y/N, I’m not scared of you and your pranks.”
“You should be,” you shouted back, incinerating the ball with a simple spell. “Tzuyu’s not going to protect you from me!”
“Hey, hey, speaking of Tzuyu, shouldn’t you be helping her with a potion right now?” Mina mentioned, tapping your arm. “I think you promised to help her at half past seven, and it’s already eight.”
Your eyes widened to the size of a house elf’s, and you scrambled up. “Oh, bloody hell. Thanks for the reminder, she’s going to be pissed.”
Chaeyoung commented offhandedly, “I don’t think she’ll be too pissed off at you.” But you didn’t pay too much mind, rushing out into the icy hallway and leaving your half-finished dessert behind with your friends. You cursed yourself for not bringing your scarf to dinner as you rushed to the Potions wing; for whatever reason, Snape insisted on charming that specific tower to be at the level of the Arctic Ocean. Tzuyu never seemed to mind, but it wasn’t comfortable when you only had your house robes to protect you from the chill.
The door banged into the stone wall unflatteringly, but the Slytherin girl didn’t even bother to look up from her cauldron. “Tzuyu, I’m so sorry--”
“It’s fine, Y/N,” she sighed, flashing you a quick smile as she snapped her book shut. “Just gave me some more time to memorize the potion.”
As you rounded the corner of the huge table, you peered at the array of ingredients laid out. Potions had never been your strong suit-- you’d usually been too busy pranking Jihyo than listening-- and you had no clue what you were supposed to be making whatsoever. “Uh. How am I supposed to help you if I don’t have a recipe?”
Tzuyu raised her eyebrow slightly at you, tying her hair up loosely and motioning for you to do the same as she lit a flame under the cauldron. “Just do what I tell you. It’s not difficult. Besides, I’m going to be working with Dahyun on this, I need to practice how to give directions.”
“Are you jabbing at my Potions skills, Chou?” you rolled your eyes, taking off your cloak. Despite the chill of the potions wing, the other girl had evidently cast a spell that made it boiling hot in the classroom, leaving you in a normal sweater embroidered with the crest of your house.
She didn’t answer, handing you a plant to cut open inside. “By the way. You aren’t wearing any perfume, are you?” Tzuyu asked suddenly, avoiding your gaze as she ground pearl dust even finer in a stone mortar. “It distracts me, don’t look at me like that.”
“You being close enough to smell my perfume is out of the ordinary,” you snorted in response, sprinkling the peppermint into the boiling water. “But no. I’m not wearing any.”
The thing about working with Tzuyu was that everything usually ended up in silence. Not uncomfortable silence, but the kind that made you focus on the way that the candles cast a warm light onto the wooden tables, and the kind that made you notice the smell of the opened potion books. As the girl stirred in more and more ingredients, though, and as colored steam rose from the cauldron, the musty scent of parchment and tinny metal was replaced with--
A clatter sounded as Tzuyu shoved the cauldron over, the potion fizzing when it met the table. You could only stare as your hard work spilled out of the pewter cauldron rolling on the table, but the other girl spoke before you. “O-oh. I’m sorry, I think you should go. I can clean this up myself.”
“I... are you sure? I can help,” you offered, reaching for your robes nonetheless.
“I’m fine. Go.” Her voice was strange, like she wanted to say something to you but was holding it in, but you didn’t comment on it. Despite everything the two of you had been through together, you realized that you didn’t really have a right to ask more out of the girl; you didn’t know her outside of bickering, after all.
When you closed the classroom door softly behind you, though, you realized that you could still smell the potion’s aftermath in a cloud around you. Kerosene, like the kind you used to blow up the stadium a week ago, bitter chocolate, and the faintest hint of the house elves’ kitchen when you snuck in to steal Tzuyu’s favorite bread.
It was the kind of familiar that made you miss it while it was still here, like a ghost that you couldn’t grasp and hold close to your heart in the way that you desperately wished you could. And it made you stare at the closed door of the classroom, listen closer to the sound of Tzuyu mopping up the spilled potion by hand even though she didn’t have to.
It was weird, that’s what it was.
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Momo and Nayeon clutched onto each other as you shined the light of your wand into the dark. Tzuyu was just behind you with her own wand held overhead; you were pretty sure that you could see Sana clutching onto the Slytherin’s arm and cowering behind the tallest girl of the group. “Are... are you sure that this is a good idea?” Jihyo asked, her voice uncharacteristically small.
“Ah, come on. It’s one of the Marauders’ abandoned tunnels, who knows what we could find?” you persuaded, turning back to grin at them. When no one reciprocated, you switched to a pout instead. “Rude.”
“We’ll split like this.” Tzuyu waved her wand between the eight remaining girls, parting them like the red sea into two groups. “Nayeon and Momo, you split, you’re too scared to be in one group together. Y/N and I will go together.”
Dahyun wiggled her eyebrows at that. “Ooh. Together, huh? Just the two of you?”
Even in the darkness of the tunnel, you could see Tzuyu’s cheeks flush brightly. She stabbed her wand in front of her in an attempt to shine the light away from her face, muttering out, “Let’s go.”
You waved goodbye at your friends, being tugged forward by the Slytherin girl and nearly tripping over the tree roots winding through the tunnel. “H-hey, why’re you walking so fast? Trying to kill me, Chou?”
“If I killed you, there wouldn’t be any fun in prank wars.” She glanced back at you, eyes straying to the map that you had clutched in your hand. “Where’d you get that, by the way?”
“Fred,” you answered, waving the scroll around. It was stained, of course, with the pumpkin juice that Sana had spilled on you that morning, and with the ink that you had smeared when copying down the Weasley’s overly complicated instructions. “He said that something in here’s going to help us with whatever we plan to do next.”
Tzuyu frowned at you slightly, still pushing aside cobwebs and vines to forge further down the tunnel. “Did you tell him about the rig we’re going to set up for McGonagall?”
You shrugged and peered down at a cockroach skittering over the dirty ground. “Of course not. Fred may be a legend, but legends don’t get treated any differently when it comes to knowledge about Double Trouble’s plans.”
“I hate that name.” Tzuyu stepped through another archway into a tiny cave, a rough stone throne with a button on the armchair the only thing inside. She flicked her eyes over, nodding her head at the chair. “This it?”
You lunged forward, pressing down on the button before you could have any regrets. “Only one way to know.”
And-- nothing happened whatsoever. Your partner in crime stood there with crossed arms, the backs of her calves almost hitting the stone of the throne. “What’s supposed to happ--”
A strong gust of wind, stronger than anything you’d ever felt before, punched all the breath out of you and sent you flying, the force of your body knocking Tzuyu onto the chair. To prevent injury, your hands flew out in front of you and pressed into the crumbly dirt wall on either side of Tzuyu’s head, your knees probably bruising with how hard they hit the stone.
When you opened your eyes, previously squeezed shut, you found yourself sitting on the lap of the Slytherin girl, her hands hovering on either side of your waist and your foreheads almost pressed together. She looked somewhat shocked, eyes wide and her breath shivering on your lips.
Before you could apologize and scramble off, though, you were interrupted by someone coughing at the entrance. “Dahyun’s right, apparently.”
You leaped off of Tzuyu’s lap faster than you could’ve thought possible, heat burning at your ears when you found Jeongyeon and Nayeon smirking at the entrance at the cave. “S-so. Uh. You found anything?” you questioned, attempting not to look directly at either of them.
“Nah,” Jeongyeon answered after a pause, apparently feeling merciful. “I think Fred was messing with you.”
“Damn,” you breathed out, adjusting the collar of your sweater to be perfectly straight. All of a sudden, it was too warm underground, and the heavy robe you wore was pulling you down into the ground. Maybe that last part was wishful thinking. “Let’s go, then. I’ll go get Momo’s group,” you volunteered, brushing past your friends into the tunnels again.
Tzuyu didn’t follow, thankfully, because you didn’t need anything else confusing your senses with the smell of kerosene, chocolate, and sourdough bread wafting past your nose already.
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“GO MOMO!”
You cheered louder than anyone else in the bleachers, maybe except for Jihyo, who was practically hanging off the railing as she waved a banner for your Hufflepuff friends.
Chaeyoung laughed, her nose bright red in the winter chill. Sana and Momo waved at you and all her friends as they strolled out with the rest of her team, hands gloved and what seemed to be 3 scarves wrapped around both of their necks. But you were holding in the loudest cheer of all for when the Slytherin team descended to the pitch, and you raised your voice even more when Tzuyu appeared with her broom in her hand.
Unlike Jihyo, she looked nervous, face drawn tight as she stopped with the rest of her team on the grass. She only wore her usual green robes, wisps of caramel brown hair fluttering about her face, but she was more stunning than anyone else in the entirety of Hogwarts. “CHOU TZUYU, YOU KICK THEIR ASSES!”
She looked up in surprise at your shout, a small smile coming onto her face when she spotted you clustered among your friends, all dressed in contrasting house colors but cheering for the same people. You only waved harder when she stared at you, almost hitting Jihyo in the face when you swung both arms in opposite directions.
And when the game started, it was just as chaotic as it ever was to be sitting on the bleachers. Jihyo, who played for Gryffindor, and Chaeyoung for the Ravenclaw team, were thankfully undivided this time, merely screaming their friends’ names instead of houses. Usually, you were next to someone much quieter in their support, a certain Slytherin who was dominating the field instead.
“And Tzuyu scores! Brilliant Chaser, this one, and gorgeous, too, if Y/L/N would just take the hint!” Felix shouted out at the announcer’s podium, his usually growling voice higher pitched to be heard over the crowd’s shouts.
No one seemed to hear him, not even your friends as they thrusted the Slytherin banner up in the air and whooped. You and Tzuyu both stopped in your tracks, staring blankly at the tiny blonde dot that was Lee Felix. For the Chaser, though, it turned out to be much more dangerous, as a Bludger hit by a Hufflepuff Beater slammed into her right below her right arm.
Everything went silent, a dolphin-like tone ringing in your ears as you watched Tzuyu plummet down to the ground. With the way her hair streamed in the wind, you’d think she was floating, but you were cruelly brought back to reality when she hit the ground like a bag of loose bones, a sharp whistle from Madam Hooch making time move normally again.
“Tzuyu,” you gasped, stumbling back into Dahyun, who didn’t complain. “Tz--”
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“Three fractured ribs, along with a completely shattered wrist. Can someone tell me what she was looking at?”
Your nails tightened on the skin of your palms as you stared at the wrinkled bedsheet underneath Tzuyu’s good hand, your foot tapping relentlessly against the tile of the hospital wing. Perhaps Jihyo and Mina, talking quietly with Madam Pomfrey, didn’t think you could hear them talk, but every word of theirs echoed unfortunately loudly in the otherwise empty wing. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at Tzuyu, or at the violent purple bruises all along her right side, or at her frail and newly healed wrist cradled to her chest as she slept.
“I’m sorry, Madam Pomfrey. Sana... Sana and I asked Felix to say it as a joke, we didn’t think that Tzuyu would be so surprised,” Jihyo sighed. “And we didn’t think that Steelman would take advantage and hit her so hard.”
Pomfrey was quiet for a second, and the jagged tip of your nails nearly ripped your skin as you waited for one of them to speak. “I see. Well, I do believe you had good intentions, all of you. I will be speaking with Ms. Steelman about her actions, but Quidditch is tough sometimes. Please, refrain from asking Mr. Lee to play such jokes from  now on.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Mina joined you first, her hand a comforting weight on your shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself, Y/N.”
“Who said I was blaming myself?” you laughed listlessly, shaking your head. “Who am I kidding? I am blaming myself. Because it’s my fault. It isn’t Felix’s for playing an innocent joke, and it isn’t Jihyo and Sana’s--”
Jihyo shook her head as she knelt near you, her head obstructing the view of Tzuyu’s sleep-peaceful expression. “Y/N, please. You couldn’t have gotten there on time. It’s none of our faults, okay? Besides, we shouldn’t... we shouldn’t have rushed you on this.”
“What?” you blinked up at your friends. “Rushed me?”
They exchanged looks, Mina closing her mouth when the Gryffindor girl shook her head in warning. “I think it’s best for you to find it out on your own time. Because you will,” Jihyo smiled. “I have faith in you, Y/N. Now, don’t stay here too late, Pomfrey will take care of Tzuyu just fine.”
“Seriously,” Mina warned as she retreated, the sympathy in her eyes the last thing that you wanted to see. “Sleep early!”
You raised a hand in farewell, sighing and leaning back in your chair once they were gone. Your friends meant well, of course, and you genuinely didn’t blame anyone for the incident, but you couldn’t help but think about what you could’ve done to save Tzuyu. There must’ve been some spell, some prank mechanism that would’ve done something...
And just like that, hours passed. The sky had begun to turn back to cloudy blue-grey from the black of the night by the time you found your head drooping onto your arms; you had draped one of the blankets that Pomfrey left behind over your own shoulders, your hair loose and splaying out at the foot of the bed when your friend woke up. “Y/N?”
Blinking blearily, you found Tzuyu staring blankly at you. “Why’re you still here? It’s almost dawn.”
There should have only been one answer at the tip of your tongue-- “I was worried” or “I couldn’t leave you alone” or something normal-- but instead, you found answers to questions that you didn’t remember asking just begging to be let out.
Because the potion that you had made all those weeks ago was Amortentia, and it smelled like the kerosene that you used in so many prank wars with Tzuyu, and the bitter chocolate she tried to convince you to like. It smelled like the bread that you stole from the house elves to cheer her up, and it smelled like the vanilla hand lotion that you bought for her on Valentine’s day in 3rd year.
And she asked you whether you were wearing perfume because she wanted to know if Amortentia smelled like you for her, and Tzuyu must’ve knocked the cauldron over because it did. Because--
“You love me.”
You didn’t expect the jolt that shook the entire hospital bed, the Slytherin girl jerking back like you had burned her with your words. “I... what?” Her eyes darted back and forth as she bit down on her lip, almost scrambling back as your eyes began to shine with a revelation that turned your entire world upside down. “Y/N, what’re you talking about?”
Her fists were ice cold in your hands, her expression unrelenting as you attempted to persuade her to admit the truth that should’ve made sense all along. “Your Amortentia smelled like me, didn’t it? Because mine smelled like kerosene, and... and bread, and everything you like. And you reacted so intensely when Fred called us a couple because you like me,” you breathed with the biggest grin of your life on your face. “No, because you love me.”
Tzuyu shook her head and snatched her hands out of your grasp, clutching the bedsheets closer to her chest as if that would protect her from you or something. “You aren’t making sense right now, Y/N. I.. I want you to leave. Before you confuse me further.”
You stared at her for a good twenty seconds, at the girl who was avoiding your eyes like you had told her you’d murdered her mother. “Wh-what?”
“I want you to leave.” The Chaser’s voice sounded steady, but it wasn’t confident in the way that you knew it to be. There was something lying underneath that made her voice that of a stranger to you, and you obeyed it as you stood. 
“Okay.”
Not another word slipped from your lips as you made your way out of the Hospital Wing, standing on the balcony of a silent castle with blankets still wrapped around your shoulders.
That definitely wasn’t how you expected anything to go.
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For nearly a week, you spent your free blocks alone, poring mindlessly over all your books by the Great Lake. Nothing you read actually stuck in your mind, though, the words floating before your eyes in hurricanes of black ink. No matter how much Chaeyoung or Momo attempted to convince you, you wouldn’t go back to the hospital wing; instead, you asked Mina for updates, probably the only one of your friends who you knew wouldn’t pressure you to talk to Tzuyu.
Groaning, you collapsed down onto the grass, flicking your quill away from you. It wasn’t fun devising pranks and coming up with plans to rig the Headmaster’s office without her, and there was no real lure in winning when there was no one to win against. Instead of thinking about the water that you wanted to splatter down on McGonagall, you could only think about how to apologize to your friend, how to take back a truth that you weren’t sure you could forget yourself.
But with the way that she responded, could it mean that you were right? Was it possible that Tzuyu really loved you, and you... you really loved her back?
“Y/N?”
Your head jerked to look at the source of your voice, a crack sounding when you turned too fast. “Ow,” you mumbled, raising your hand up to cup the back of your neck. However, you were completely fixated on the slightly paler-looking girl, standing just a few feet away from you. “Uh. Hey?”
“Hey,” she smiled. So she’s not angry. Tzuyu wasn’t wearing her characteristic expensive robes for once, dressed instead in a pretty skirt that was too cold for the lakeside and a black coat slung over her shoulders. “You didn’t come to visit me.”
Shrugging, you reached over and cleared your books away for her to sit. “I figured you wouldn’t want me to.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” she frowned, plopping down beside you and crossing her legs. “You’re my friend.”
“Friend, huh?” You chuckled listlessly, leaning back with your arms supporting you. The surface of the Great Lake rippled softly, and you wondered whether there really was a squid inside that could drag you away from the awkwardness sitting between the two of you. “That’s it?”
Tzuyu laid her hand over yours, her skin cold from the spring weather. She almost looked like she pitied you even though she was the one fresh out of the hospital wing, and you hated that expression on her. “What do you mean? Should there be something else?”
If you were slightly less impulsive, you wouldn’t be scrambling to your feet, crossing you arms to stare in disbelief at the beautiful girl sitting cross-legged mere feet away from the Whomping Willow. “Are you serious? Tzuyu, are you just going to ignore everything we-- everything I said that night?”
She stood as well, her hands still reaching out for yours and her eyebrows furrowed. “Y/N, I wasn’t going to ignore it, I just don’t know how to talk about it. That.”
You scoffed, jerking away from her grasp. Some part of you thanked Merlin that you were alone, because you didn’t know if you wanted your friends witnessing anything that you knew was about to go down. “That. Answer me something, Chou. Would it be so bad to be with me? To admit that... that you love me. And I love you back?”
Tzuyu froze, her hands faltering in midair. “You love me back?”
“Of course I do!” And suddenly, you were rushing forward to meet her again, eyes pleading for her to understand how genuine you were being. “I meant it when I said so, and Amortentia doesn’t lie. Tell me, what did your potion smell like?”
She stammered out, “B- burning books. From the time we set the library on fire, and the stupid perfume you wear. Ink, because you refuse to use the pens that Jeongyeon bought you, and--”
You still paused a second before connecting your lips, giving Tzuyu time to back out, but she might’ve moved even faster than you so that her hands were wrapped around your waist. She tasted like chocolate and bread, too, and you smiled into the kiss when you realized that she probably stole from the kitchen before coming to find you.
The long, winding roots of some tree tripped you over, your back colliding with the grassy ground with a loud thump, but you didn’t care as the Slytherin girl landed right on top of you. “To-- to answer your question. It wouldn’t be bad at all, to be with you,” Tzuyu laughed breathily, her smile so much brighter than you ever remembered it to be. “I love you, Y/N.”
And instead of responding, you pulled her in again, lips moving against hers for maybe a minute before you were surprised by a bug that Tzuyu held up against your face. “Chou Tzuyu, you devil!”
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magicman111 · 3 years
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A Moth to a Flame - Chapter One
Marcy watched the sun slowly set on Newtopia as she’d done many an evening before. The sharp squawks of the gulls rang through the orange sky. She looked quite the forlorn figure standing by the hotel entrance, the gentle evening breeze that ruffled her cloak underscoring her solitude.
Her eyes remained fixated in the same direction her friend had taken off, maybe in some fleeting fool’s hope she’d change her mind and come sprinting back right into her arms.
Not a chance, Marbles.
Anne was long gone by now. Hopefully, she’d caught up with the Plantars’ fwagon before they reached the city gate. Judging by how quickly she booked it, the odds were in her favor. That girl didn’t make varsity back home for nothing.
Marcy only hoped those sweet, simple frogs knew just how lucky they were to have someone like Anne in their lives.
Sighing, her head lowered, she licked her wounds slowly.
Really? That easy, huh?  
Could Anne have made it any more obvious that she wanted to get out of there faster than she did? After they’d been apart for so long, and for a family of farmer frogs whom she’d known for what? Months?
No, don’t do that, she pulled herself up. It wasn’t right for her to be mad at the Plantars. This wasn’t their fault. Sprig and Polly were a barrel of fun at the slumber party, providing you disregarded their life-threatening encounter with the jelly-fish ghosts. Hop Pop, meanwhile, reminded her so much of her own grandpa it was uncanny. They were sweet, decent folk who’d taken Anne in and kept her safe all this time. It was just...
Her lips twisted into a bitter frown. How else was she supposed to feel but a little rejected?
However, was she really allowed to complain when holding her tongue was so normalised for her by this point? Marcy was a people pleaser, she understood that much about herself. Anytime Anne and Sasha got into an argument, she was there to keep the peace and everyone happy. So if Anna-Banana wanted to spend more time with her bumpkin frog family than her literal best friend since preschool, who was she to say no?
The story with her folks wasn’t all that different either. When they pressured her to keep up her studies, up to and including PSAT prep despite it being years away, she did as she was told like a good girl to make them proud, and they were. She hoped they were.
Goodness knows what they must be thinking right now—
Nope nope nope! Don’t go there, don’t go there.
She’d already lost too much sleep at night ruminating over the unspeakable pain she’d most surely put them through, it was the last thing she needed right now. She tried to do the logical thing and focus on the positives instead. That usually worked.
Anne wouldn’t be away for too long. They’d be together again as soon as Hop Pop’s contacts returned the Box to Wartwood and then it was off to the first of the three temples to get those gems recharged. Once that side quest was done and dusted, it was a simple matter of finding Sasha and making their way home.
Looking down, she caught herself wringing her hands.
Home.
That sure was the plan.
I mean... what else are we supposed to do?
“Always sad to see someone go, isn’t it?”
Marcy quickly wiped her eyes and glanced over her shoulder to greet the towering form of King Andrias.
Almost instantly, her mood perked up a notch. He was the one person whom she trusted, more than anyone else in all of Amphibia. Ever since she first landed outside the city walls, he took her under his wings and ensured her smooth transition into this brave new world.
Andrias was without doubt one of the kindest and wisest people Marcy could have ever hoped to meet. He was a true listener, and there were very few you could say that about, her parents included. How often had he been there to lend both an understanding ear and sage advice over games of flipwart?
Games she won more often than not, she wasn’t humble enough not to brag.
It was also he who sent Marcy on the daring missions that would eventually make her the hero of Newtopian society she was today. All because he recognised the value of her talents beyond passing an exam or helping her friends with their homework. No other 13-year-old had their own solid gold statue adorning a city bridge.
She owed this king a debt she couldn’t possibly repay, but one he was far too altruistic in nature to demand.
Then, why did he look so... solemn?
“Come along, Marcy. We need to talk.”
Maybe it was his serious tone of voice or those specific choice of words, but they made the hair on the back of Marcy’s neck stand on end. In an almost pavlovian manner, she corrected her posture and she held her chin erect.
Shoving whatever remaining conflicted thoughts aside, she silently followed Andrias back to the castle like a pilot fish tailing its great white. She was so puny next to this tremendous salamander, he could crush her with a single blow of his fist if he so chose. Not that a gentle, goofy giant like Andrias would even dream of doing such a thing.
So when he was dead serious, Marcy knew better to zip it, listen, and do as instructed.
Their quiet journey took them all the way back to the castle and into the royal throne room, a place she was all too familiar with by now. To enter this hallowed hall was a privilege bestowed only to a select few. For Marcy, it was where she had her morning debriefs over bugachinos.
Instead of going straight up to the throne for their pow wow as she anticipated, Andrias guided her down a small passageway to their left.
When they made their way up to the statue of what Marcy recognised as one of his ancestors, one of the great rulers of Amphibia, they came to a stop. Andrias then gazed down at her with the most serious look she’d seen him give anyone.
“Marcy, before we go any further,” he spoke sternly, “I need to be absolutely crystal clear about something. Okay?”
“Y-Yes, Andrias?” Marcy asked, shivering a little. She did not like being pulled out of her comfort zone, not like this.
“You’re about to enter the most secret place in all of Newtopia,” he continued, now down on one knee and his hand hovering over her shoulder, as close as they could be to eye level. “What I’m going to show you... I need you to swear you won’t share with another living soul. Not to Anne, not to Lady Olivia, no one. Do you understand? I can’t emphasise this enough, Marcy.”
“Of course,” she answered earnestly, trying to sound more confident. “You know you can always trust me, Andrias.”
A ghost of that warm, fatherly smile returned to his big blue countenance.
“Trust is a hard thing to come by, kid, and you’ve gone above and beyond to earn mine. It’s just that I’m not exaggerating here when I say this is a big one.”
Marcy simply placed one hand over his huge index, the other over her heart.
She smiled back at him sweetly, genuinely, “I promise.”
“Very well.”
Nodding in approval, Adrias rose. He reached out, pushing a luminous coral torch upwards.
It didn’t take an encyclopedic knowledge of ‘Creatures & Caverns’ for Marcy to predict that the statue was going to shift to the left next, revealing the spiralling staircase leading to Frog knows where. She probably should’ve been more surprised, but come on, it wasn’t exactly the first secret passage she’d come across in this castle lately. 
“Follow me,” was all Andrias said, before he pulled off the same coral torch, then proceeded down the stairs without another word. Marcy followed obediently, unable to ignore the unnerving chill that was now travelling up her spine.
Was it... always this cold around here?
Something about all this just felt so unsettling compared to last time. She couldn’t really explain why; she knew she was safe with Andrias and that he wouldn’t do anything to intentionally put her in harm’s way. It was a gut feeling and that sort of thing bugged a rational person like her to no end.
She tried to take her mind off it by hazarding her best guess as to precisely what he was going to show her. Either she did that or started getting all worked up dwelling on Anne again, which she’d rather not at the moment.
Another secret library, perhaps? Probably not, though she wouldn’t be at all disappointed if it was. Maybe there were forbidden texts about the dark arts hidden away down there. Magic users were incredibly rare in Amphibia these days—Marcy had already searched far and wide—so might this be her chance?
Oh, how the very idea of being able to cast actual magic excited her. Being Chief Ranger of the Knight Guard was a great honor and nothing to sneeze at, but to be a powerful sorceress, one who could communicate with spirits, raise the dead, shuffle the orifices on her enemy’s faces—
Okay, rein those snails in, Mar-Mar.
Her musings were interrupted by a strange noise emanating from below. At first she figured it was just her imagination, but the further they continued their descent, the clearer it became.
It sounded an awful lot like beeping. Yes, that was it. A progressively growing cacophony of bleeps, bloops and chirps, the kind she’d expect to hear from a high-tech supercomputer. Something absolutely alien in a world like Amphibia, she and her friends excluded.
Before Marcy could ask Andrias if he heard it too, she was distracted by the emergence of an orange glow chasing away the darkness below. It was a warm, almost heavenly light that conjured the mental image of a crackling fireplace on Christmas morning, protecting you from the snowstorm outside.
The chill in her spine had by now spread to the crown of her head and the tips of her toes. Her throat tightened up. Beads of cold sweat dripped down her forehead.
What the... Marcy could not say a word, only think.
There was something down there. Something greater than any library, however inconceivable that sounded. Whether it was good or bad was irrelevant to her at that moment.
It called her.
The duo finally reached the foot of the staircase and entered the sacred sanctum.
Marcy’s jaw dropped.
“Woah.”
There were no shelves of books. No ancient Amphibian artifacts. There weren’t even any walls that she could make out from where she stood. Just an apparently endless sea of darkness encompassing a large round platform from which both the enticing glow and the lowkey din of beeps originated.
Marcy resumed taking Andrias’ lead as they stepped out onto the platform, the clink-clank of their boots confirming her assumption it was made of metal. The whole thing appeared more at home on an alien spaceship than in the dungeons of a castle.
Upon arriving at its centre, Andrias knelt down on both knees and, much to Marcy’s curiosity, removed his crown and set it down on the floor. She took the hint by following suit.
Any lingering fears melted away the more she basked herself in the radiance. It was as if the beams were steadily pouring into her body, clearing up her headspace, reducing any tension in her body. She recalled a favored memory from when she was five-years-old, when she and Anne spent a whole summer afternoon by the beach. How the tides would come in and out without fail, washing away the ruins of their sandcastles, the seaweed, one of Anne’s sandles and the teeny tiny baby seahorse they rescued.
Like a nice blank canvas.
Was this a private place of worship? Not according to her expansive studies of Amphibian anthropology. Or maybe it was a place for Andrias to meditate away from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the castle. Seemed a skosh excessive if that was the case.
“Truly captivating, I know.”
Andrais’ baritone brought Marcy back down to earth. She straightened up and tried to refocus herself. They were down here for an important reason, at least she believed they were.
“One can spend hours down here,” Andrias boomed ominously. “Adrift in their own thoughts and... dreams.” The light cast his face in a rather unnerving shadow as he stared ahead into the void. “But I’m sure you know I haven’t brought you here to show off my retreat from the world.” He took a long, deep breath, like he was mentally steeling himself for what he said next, “As much as it pains me to say it, I’m afraid I haven’t been entirely truthful with you, Marcy.”
He produced from his sleeve what appeared at first glance to be two giant pieces of parchment and unfolded them neatly on the metal surface. A closer inspection told Marcy they were in fact pages torn from an exceptionally large book. Judging not only by the size, but the font and format as well, she easily pieced together its origin.
“Are these...?”
“From the book we “found” in the wing?” Andrias chuckled mirthlessly. “Yes. Still kinda surprised you didn’t pick up there were pages missing, but that's not important right now. Please, read.”
The platform provided ideal reading light. Marcy’s ability to read at a 12th Grade level meant she cruised through the text and finished within minutes.
She read it once, then twice. A third and fourth time just to make sure her eyes weren’t deceiving her.
Her bottom began to tremble.
No... Nononono, this... this can’t be right. I-It’s impossible! How in the world can it...?!
No amount of curative rays could unfreeze the blood in her veins. The metaphorical pistons in her brain were firing on full cylinders in a vain attempt to digest this earth-shattering information. For a split second, she thought she was going to pass out.
Desperate, she turned to the stone-faced Andrias to plead for some kind of answer, but she found no words with which to speak. All the personal growth and development that made her Newtopia’s champion had been stripped of her and she was reduced to nothing more than a helpless lost toddler.
A comforting set of giant digits placed themselves under her chin, the same way a father would do for his daughter.
“All this time, I’ve been testing you,” Andrias told her, his voice full of pride. “The games of flipwart, the missions, the “secret library”, even the barbari-ant colony I had lured to the city. I was watching you, studying your every action. With each challenge I issued, you excelled my expectations. You’re an exceptionally talented human being, Marcy, truly worthy of the name ‘Wu’.”
Even if these words were meant to serve as comfort or encouragement, they had only the opposite effect for Marcy. Tears were leaking out the corners of her eyes.
She mustered only a pitiful whimper, “I-I don’t understand.”
“Don’t worry, kiddo,” he promised, “you will soon enough. He’s so excited to meet you.”
“... He?”
Lifting his mighty hand in the air, he thrusted it into the nothingness facing them. Marcy instinctively followed its direction.
“Marcy Wu,” Andrias’ thundering voice resonated throughout the sanctuary, “allow me to introduce you... to my master.”
No sooner had he finished, the whole world started to tremble at Marcy’s knees, throwing her off her balance. A rumbling, mechanical ROAR struck her ears so loud she had to cover them to protect the drums from rupture. Yet despite this sensory assault, she somehow forced her eyes to stay wide open. She needed to face whatever was coming.
Marcy gazed into the abyss.
And the abyss gazed back with all thirteen of its eyes.
Terror. Pure mounting terror overwhelmed every cell of her being. Her pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks. If her mouth stretched any wider, her jaw risked snapping clean off its hinges.
Everything around her faded into black. Andrias, the platform and its glow, the beeping, all vanished into the ether. All now that existed were herself and those colossal demonic eyes plucked from the deepest recesses of her nightmares, their leer burrowing into her very soul.
Marcy wanted to scream until she coughed up her lungs. Moreso, she just wanted to wake up. This was all a dream, it had to be. A lucid dream that had gone on for far too long. She and her friends weren’t in another dimension inhabited by talking frogs, such a notion was a scientific absurdity. She sure as heck wasn’t a ranger in some anthropomorphic newt army.
Any moment now, her wizard kitty alarm would ring and she’d wake up in her soft, cozy bed. Dad would have left for work by now, planting a goodbye kiss on her sleeping forehead as he did every morning since she was little. Mom would be already making her her favorite congee rice and youtiao for breakfast. Then she would begin the process of packing up her room for the big move to Oregon like a good girl.
Yes, she would even happily do that. Anything to bring an end to this ordeal!
Shhhh
Her train of thought screeched to a sudden halt.
Marcy
It’s gonna be okay
And just like that, as if those were the five magic words required, everything was fine again. No more panic, no more existential terror. Her heart rate lowered to a steady, non-life threatening level.
The tide had risen up and washed Marcy’s mind clean.
Like a nice blank canvas.
What quickly followed was an epiphany of sorts.
There was nothing for her to fear. Once she accepted that fact, the warm sensation from before returned greater than ever, engulfing her in what could only be described as a spiritual hug. She could feel the pair of hands, tender as her own mother’s, caressing her face and flicking away her tears. They even ruffled her raven hair in the same playful manner.
Come to me, daughter of Wu
Let me get a good look at you
Marcy obeyed. Getting down on all fours, she crawled across the nonexistent ground—the laws of physics evidently had no place here—until her face and the eyes’ chief pupil were within inches of each other.
Fresh tears, now ones of ecstasy, trickled down her cheeks and evaporated in the pulsating heat.
“You’re beautiful.”
I know
We’ve gotta lot to talk about, Marcy
And I have a feeling...
You and I are gonna become the best of friends
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jess-the-vampire · 3 years
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Sky And The Forces Of The Multiverse, Chapter 51
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Sky had to admit, she was impressed with her own magic skill by this point, even if the progress she was making seemed minimal. She never really tried to dip down much, it's not something anyone can just...do after all, it takes time and work. There was probably no way she could do it by the time the plan would come to action but training couldn't hurt either.
Especially if it was to protect a friend.
Even trying to shoot magic from her hands drove sky crazy, how did judas do this so naturally? Guess when you grow up doing magic like this you don't have to go through so much training to get it to work. Sky was half human too, who knows how that might affect her powers even if she did go through mewberty. She kinda felt silly trying to do magic like this, throwing out her hands and shout spells...but it was better then nothing.
Angel could do magic normally, no wand required.
Lucky.
He was getting better, he'd probably been practicing a lot in his spare time, probably to show off to his mom. His aim was far improved and he seemed far stronger at his spellcasting, from what magic he knew . Sky felt she spent more time watching him then making any progress, if even if it was just to get an idea of how to make her magic work a little.
It was probably pointless anyway.
Unlocking that kinda magic required a lot more to trigger it, otherwise sky wouldn't get very far no matter hoe hard she was trying. Strong emotional reactions were surefire, like...how she nearly attacked her mom...and the masked person, and...other happenings. Those were close but not really the results she was looking for either, she was looking for something like angel had.
Where he went berserk...over her getting hurt.
Wow they both had a bad habit of going evil when they ever did unlock this magic huh? That was both scary and...kinda neat in a weird way, though last thing sky needed was to make herself look worse then she did. Angel could tell she was having trouble, though he wasn't judging, he knew it wasn't going to be easy. "Maybe like...try and clear your mind and stuff? I think that's supposed to help, so you can focus?", that might've been more harsh then it needed to be,
But sky didn't seem to care.
"I can try".
She wasn't good at clearing her head, there was always too much going on in her mind for something like that to even happen. Even now, her mind was going back to judas and the plan. It was like a bug that refused to just leave the room, no matter what she wanted. She grumbled as she sat down on the grass, "Ugh, i can't focus, i'm too worried and everything".
She kicked at the dirt underneath her, "It was different last time, i wasn't trying to do anything intentionally, i just got really upset and for a moment...blam...magic. Now...it's not the same, i only had those outbursts because you got in danger or i felt upset...and i can't channel things all the time like that...like...why can't me being happy channel that same power?".
"Well, maybe you're just not feeling that kinda emotional nearly as strongly right now?", he shot out another web, hitting the wall with perfect accuracy now, "I guess maybe training and stuff happening in real time just...don't feel the same way...even i haven't been able to master my own form...so i think it just means...we have a lot channeling to do".
"You've been learning from eclipsa huh?".
"I did at times stay late with her...she...likes my presence and helping me...not that i ever got too far with it. Clearing your head is supposed to help but also...you can focus on a memory with a strong reaction, that can help your magic too sometimes...so...maybe we should do that? Channel strong memories...i mean i don't know if happy ones really will do much for me to control a raging monster but...".
"Angel, that's a good idea, maybe if i do clear my head properly i can like...channel something, maybe, Mom never really explained the process to me, but it's worth a shot".
He smiled, his ears perking up, "Oh, well, glad i can be of some kind of help then! Maybe it'll work a lot better for you then me, i'm still pretty far behind on my own magic" He shot another spell and sky went back to focusing, seeing if she could recover any strong memories to trigger something. She went back to the chandelier incident, reminded of the party and her performance.
It was hard to channel the anger she had when he mother spoke to her the way she did. in fact it was a hard memory to fully recover at all. Maybe she had to go and try and new one to see if she had better results, she had to have other moments. Right, the time angel was nearly killed and that set her off like crazy, that was also a rather insane moment of magic for her.
She hadn't been so full of rage in a long time.
Though she was worried how she'd react to that memory again.
She had to take a moment to chill and breath, holding her hand out before the memory came back to her. She didn't want to accidentally blow up the entire garden if she wasn't careful about her own actions up to this point. Granted, blowing up a wall wasn't exactly a better option but well, she was going to have to take some risks somewhere it seemed.
She felt her cheeks puff up, remembering the pure anger of angel nearly being killed down by some freak.
Angel stepped back, a slight bit of glow in the princess's cheeks, but it quickly faded, the memory was strong but because nothing was happening it didn't appear the have nearly the same strength. Sky sighing, her hand touching her marks, "Well, it's a start...i guess i should be happy we got a reaction at all...i guess that whole thing...really had me upset".
Angel sent a sad smile her way.
"Hey, i'm just glad you cared at all...i'm...i wasn't sure anyone would if things went wrong...i kinda went into the thing knowing there was a good chance i might not make it out alive all things considered...it...was probably a dumb idea when i think more about it".
She snorted in his direction, "Dude, of course we'd care if something happened to you...but...it doesn't seem to be enough to get me to really unlock my abilities...for now...but...i'll take it. At least it's better then nothing.". She sighed before going back to tryin to do more spells with no success, "I'll figure this out...hopefully...if i could just...get a better grip on my emotions...and with enough practice...". She watched angel go back to doing spells, thoughtful, "Hey...thanks for doing this with me...it's really nice".
"Yeah of course...it's not fully for you though, i...wanna be able to protect myself as well, i wasn't very good before...and i don't want to feel vulnerable again, i felt so...powerless when i almost got killed...and i need to keep my strength up". He shot spells at the wall even harder, "I'm glad you're protecting me but i also don't want to feel so weak either...i want to be able to defend myself if anything happens again...want to know i can...take care of myself when i'm a leader".
"I can't blame you on that one, i would do the same if i was in your shoes", her feet scratched the dirt, making a neat little imprint with it," i just hope it doesn't end up feeling like you're protecting me when i should be looking out for you". Angel stopped casting his spells, quick to notice her change in tone, "It shouldn't have to be a one vs another thing...we should be...looking out for each other...all of us".
"But if i don't get better soon, i'll be worthless for the plan".
"Sky, look, maybe this is something better said by jude and everything but...you're more then your magic, you spent a lot of time beating me without knowing much magic at all, you don't need it to do good...even if you don't learn to dip down...i trust you'll do great out there". The princess took a moment before gently pushing him, laughing, "You're right...i did kick your ass pretty good without it".
"Ok but you don't have to remind me of that...", sky snickering as she got back into focusing, "Says the person who kept a whole journal of all the times we fought, you're far more guilty of this then i am". He blushed as she got back in focus, "Maybe if things get bad, i can really taze the guy, that outta pack a punch and they might not even see it coming either".
"Well, i didn't think they'd avoid my bite either but...you know how that went, but i have faith in you princess."
Sky snickered, "Well, i can say this for sure, next time, your teeth won't miss, i'm sure of it". The laughs ringing in the air as sky enjoyed the moment, she really needed this, and angel made sure she got the break and night to make amends she deserved. And for once, sky felt confident maybe she could actually get the hang of this magic thing properly.
She had the support to help at least.
-
"You ok landon?".
Landon peeked through the window of the carriage at bernard's house, seeing rhombulus parked outside and feeling his whole body shake. "Do i look ready mom? I'm a mess, i should've fixed myself up a lot more, how am i supposed to go in there and be cool with him when i'm sweaty and freaked out?". He raised an arm to display and marco quickly made him move it back down.
"Landon, it's going to be just fine, do like you practiced".
"This is different, he's going to be looking at me and watching me talk, i'm not even sure about how he's going to react, he might just want to be friends and friends only. All that time i spent and thing might get worse between us and we never talk again". Once again marco found themsleves trying to comfort the boy, handing him some water, "you'll be ok, just take it easy".
'I'm sorry mom, it's just...what if i can't do it? i'm worried i can't".
"Landon, it's going to be just fine, i'll be waiting out here if you need me to make a quick getaway ok? But you have to finally face him down, i know you're scared but this time you're going to have to put that to the side and be brave for both you and bernard on this one. He needs this as much as you do, closure, and he won't be able to rest until you both have it".
Landon slumped back, "Guess i just don't want to know what his final answer will be".
"But you know you have to...".
"Yeah...".
"Landon, it's going to be ok, i promise...i know you're nervous, but it's going to be ok, just go in there and do your best. I have plenty of faith that things will work out between you two, you both seemed to care about each other a lot, and i doubt you won't be friends still after this". The demon nodded, his mother comforting him to the best of their ability, his hands gripping each other tight.
His mother kissed his cheek, "Hey, if you need to bail out at any point, i'm here, but i believe in you...ok?". Landon gulped before finally getting out of the carriage, lucky he was even allowed to on on this trip at all. This was not an emergency and everyone was very uncomfortable even going to other dimensions at this point, but marco insisted this was important.
And it was, for landon.
Rhombulus seemed to disapprove of this choice, sneering as the kid got closer, but letting him in anyway.
He was expected after all.
The rest of the commission were inside and the parents of this lovely home seemed more then used to them now. As used as one to get to having three interdimensional gods living in their home. They were eating their snacks, sitting on heir couches, and chilling as if nothing was happening. Guess they had to be a little bored by now, but still, it was a serious job.
Imagine they came back and hey were following asleep like this? And they thought things were bad before.
Landon spotted bernard's mom quickly who ushered him away from the commission members and upstairs without hesitation, "Ok, he's waiting for you up there, let me know if you need anything and please, don't break anything". She didn't seem the happiest to see him but she wasn't mad at him or anything, so that was a little better then what he thought in his head.
But that didn't help his nerves, he could spot bernard's room and took a few steps forward.
He had to be just as nervous as he was...right? He didn't greet him at the door so he was left with a similar impression that was the case. Then the door opened to let him in, a sleep and messy teenage boy waiting for him. Landon feeling his heartbeat rise even faster and want to flee the scene extremely fast, his body forcing itself to stay put so he didn't chicken out.
"Hey landon".
"H-hey...bernard", god why did he have to make himself sound so awkward the moment he saw him again? He swore his voice cracked too, because of course it did.
Bernard didn't look fully dressed, not did he seem to be entirely...himself, which was a warning sign, but they had to get this over with. Landon had to just go over and finish up before he made another bad choice, though bernard looked very cute. He had never seen him like this outside of the sleepover the one time, most of the time he was more...well kept.
Bernard yawned, "Sorry i'm not looking that great, but...i'm happy you came, means a lot to me if you want to come in and well...y'know, do this whole thing". Landon nodded quickly as he entered the messy teenage boy's room, the door shutting behind them. He took a set on the bed as bernard started going into his closet, nervous about who should speak first.
It was uncomfortably silent after all.
Bernard and landon both wanted the other to make the first move instead, as if they were waiting each other out. The silence however, was killing landon and it wouldn't get them anywhere if neither of them even said a word to each other. Landon really felt his stomach churn, just how bad did he screw up that bernard could hardly even look at him right now?
He wasn't used to this from him, the tension was intensely uncomfortable compared to the usual laughing and giggling between the two. He twiddled his fingers together and tried to choke up a word or two, needing to be brave and come out with it. "Hey look, i'm sorry fi i made things uncomfortable between us...i wasn't supposed to even send you that video...it was an accident", was that good? He hoped so.
The human paused, meaning he had heard landon alright.
"Mason pushed the wrong button, it wasn't supposed to head to you like this, i just want us to be friends again ok? I never meant to hurt you or bother you or make things awkward. But i also get it if you don't want to be friends anymore either with me, i know this would make you feel weird and i don't want you to feel weird around me either...it's just...you mean a lot to me".
"How long?".
His voice caught him off guard.
"How long have you liked me?".
Landon froze, stammering, "Since we met actually...i dunno you came up to me and i thought you were...cool, i know that sounds really corny but it's true. You were so cool and i wanted to get to know you and you wanted to get to know me...and i found it...attractive. I mean i didn't notice it at first bit over time it made sense why i was acting this way about you".
Was that good?, it was hard to tell when he wasn't looking at him right now.
"Look, if you want me to leave i will, i know you're upset with me and i don't wanna be some burden on you. You're just...a great person and i'm glad i got to have you as my friend, even if it was just for a little while". He meant that sincerely, he liked having this guy as his friend, and he was going to miss them if they never spoke every again, "You deserve better friends who don't make you go through this kinda stuff anyway".
"Landon...".
"I'm right, you got kidnapped and you could've died because of it, and it was because of me, if you and me weren't friends you would have never had to deal with that happening to you". God, he sounded so pathetic, was this really how he wanted to even handle this in the slightest? He felt himself curl up a little, clenching teeth, "I wanted to tell you how i felt sooner but i was worried what you'd think. I've never confessed to anyone in my life before and i got scared to screw up or say anything"'.
It was hard to tell what bernard was thinking with his back turned, but he was just going to have to keep pushing through this no matter how embarrassing it was. "I just think you're really cool, i like your magic stuff and your attitude, and your confidence...and how you laugh at my jokes and support me...and i'm dead serious about all of it...i never meant to make you feel uncomfortable.".
Bernard finally turned around, a look of surprise on his face.
"Landon...i...you don't make me feel uncomfortable", he suddenly seemed to feel ashamed of his silence this whole time, his shoulders sagging and his expression more sad. "I...i admit, it was overwhelming finding out...i think it's because i well...i've been on dates before...and a lot of them were...mixed". The human took a seat next to landon, his feet dangling off the bed.
"I...y'know, constantly changed myself everywhere we went and i would get confessed to a lot, but it never felt right because i wasn't being myself...i was just trying to fit in. I guess when you confessed i had so many thoughts, like if this was another occurrence of me not being myself and you not liking the real me, or that you did like the real me, to all the times we hung out and i had no idea...i...had a lot going on".
The human eyed his worried friend, before smiling a little, "But...i'm not mad at you for any of this, none of this was your fault. You had no idea anything like this would happen and it's ok, i'm not mad at you at all. My parents might have some issues, but i don't...because it wasn't your fault that happened. Landon, i'm still processing everything but i'm not mad at you".
"You aren't?".
"Of course not, i just...have a lot to think about with all of this, i'm a little overwhelmed but i'm not mad at you landon. I just need a lot of time to really think on things, if that's ok...". Landon seemed relieved, his face suddenly becoming far happier then he meant for it to, "Yeah, yeah of course! You can take all the time you need if you want, no pressure or anything, you can uh...get back to me when you're ready".
He laughed and landon felt himself turn deep red.
"Yeah of course, when i'm ready, i don't want to leave you hanging or anything...", the human noticed landons face an poked at it charmingly. "I have to admit...it's...a little flattering that you...feel this way about me. I've just never been complimented this much before , or had anyone write a song for me before for that matter, it's actually sweet".
"You find it sweet?".
"Yeah well...it's really good and i can tell you put a lot of hard work into it, it's...nice that i...inspire you like that". I never saw myself having a song about me, always thought the only way something like that would happen was if i won some dumb contest or something. I...i'm sorry you didn't get me to see it under different conditions, i know this was not how you wanted me to...experience it".
"Well...i'm sorry i was acting so weird for awhile towards you...it was a lot more obvious then i thought originally. You...you were worried about me and you had every right to worry about me...everything just got so complicated and i had a hard time trying to figure out what was the best way to handle it. I guess i should've tried to handle it sooner, to avoid this from happening."
"Hey, i'm not great at this stuff either, i might never have caught on without the video. Heh, it took me a few minutes to click as the music started playing that you were going for...y'know, You...play really well landon". He blushed, trying to hide his face as much as possible as he turned away from the cute boy, "Yeah well, i do play it almost all the time".
"It pays off, at least you might get to make it into a career, my parents still are on the fence about magic".
The way he said it seemed to make landon's heart crack just a little
"I'm sorry to hear that...i well, i was really hoping they'd change their minds about it and stuff...you should be allowed to do the hobbies you like, like you're really good at them too, you were able to escape your handcuffs because of magic! It's...amazing...how you were able to actually do that, they don't appreciate enough of your skills, you're...amazing".
He felt himself blushing again and quickly coughed, "Oh right, sorry, this might be making your more uncomfortable".
But bernard laughed, "It's ok, i'm just glad someone cares, i feel sometimes like...no one really does, i've just...wanted someone around who likes what i like and doesn't make fun of it". He sighed, rubbing his hair, "I escaped my cell through magic, that's...impressive, i never knew i'd need to and magic helped me do it, i was just hoping for better i guess from my parents".
The prince watching him sadly, letting out another deep sigh.
"I wanted to confess to you that day...the day you were kidnapped...i know it doesn't matter now but i did, and then when things went wrong i changed my mind because you had enough going on to worry about me. After you got kidnapped and hurt and everything, there was no way we could talk about it, i knew it was a bad idea. I'm sorry things got so bad that you were worried about me like that".
"Landon, it's ok".
"No, it's not".
"No, it is...i'm sure, it was complicated. I...i got kidnapped, and you just wanted me to take the time to recover before unloading this on me, it's not a bad thing. Truth be told, i was terrified down there, i didn't know if I'd make it out alive or not, for a few moments i really thought i might not. But...you helped find me, and...that's important, your confession could wait...".
"But...then i started acting weird...and your texts".
"Landon, of course i was worried about you, we're friends...if you needed space it's ok, you can also just well...text me if you need a break for a bit. I only got worried cause i care about you...but if you need space...it's ok. I didn't really know you were going through so much emotional turmoil because of me and everything, i should have suspected though. I guess i've been so distracted i never even considered you were acting this way because you might of liked me a little more then being just friends, but...i'm glad it's out in the open now".
"You really still wanna be friends?".
"Dude, yeah, of course i do...i'll need some time to process the whole...crush thing, but...it doesn't make me wanna not be your friend. It'll take some getting used to but i like being your friend. I like us hanging out, and i like having someone around who respects my hobbies and interests and shows me all kinda of things i'd never see in a million years. You're a really cool person landon, i like being with you...i don't want us to stop being friends because of this".
Landon felt himself blush and heart beat a bit faster, it was worse that he knew what he was doing to him.
"W-well, i like having you around to like my hobbies and stuff too...yeah".
The human laughed, "I'm sorry for being such a drag and everything this morning, i got to admit, i just have a lot of bad experiences dating...and dealing with crushes. I guess for me it brought back some memories...but i won't bother you with them in detail or anything. Because i think you're different landon, i really think you care about me and everything".
Landon clutched his head in his hands and grumbled, still blushing, "And i was thinking you'd hate me and everything after what happened for a little while...cause...i just didn't...i didn't want to make you uncomfortable". He shifted in his seat before pinching his nose in frustration, "I should have at least told you i needed some time tho...i didn't meant to worry you-".
"No no like i said i-".
Landon turned around, only to realize he might of gotten just a LITTLE too close to bernard's face, making him jolt back quickly. Even bernard cut off his sentence at the action, "Well, uh anyways...glad we talked about this. So well, i guess if you need anything or want to stay for a while...i'll convince my parents to do it, hopefully. They're getting used to your friends down there".
"They aren't exactly our friends, but thank you...we haven't really gotten to hang out properly since...it happened. I was worried about even asking since...well, your parents...they must hate me for what happened with you. Even if you forgive me, i am still the reason they lost you to begin with, and they were terrified...your house got bugged and-".
"Landon, please, don't worry about them, they're always like that. They panic about everything, it's why they're like this about my magic, they're desperate to be good parents and well...make me some perfect kid. I mean i'm obviously not one but they want me to be one. Point being it's ok, don't worry and freak out, they're always like this anyway and i think they'll live with it".
He was doing it again.
"I'm sorry".
"Hey look, let's go down and take a break...your mom's outside right? How about you let them know and we can just...have some time together for a little bit? Some not awkward time together, we can hang in my room for today if you want and we could...properly catch up, if that's ok?". That sounded great, landon finally getting himself to relax as he pulled out his compact.
"Thanks".
-
"So this is it huh?".
She was looking at the broken wand with extreme curiosity, star watching her very closely as she examined it. She was giving luna the chance to make things up and be trusted but that didn't meant she was just cool handing sky's want over to just anyone. Luna was still on the fence these days to everyone and the wand was in bad enough condition.
"Yeah that's it alright".
"It's in better condition then i was expecting it to be in when i heard it broke, i'll give it this...but yeah, it needs a good repair. I must admit though, wands are hard to crack, this thing must've been hit with a powerful spell. But at least it's fixable, you might just need an expert on this one, though you're not going to like who i suggest to help you with it...".
Star grumbled, knowing where this was going.
"Mom, right?".
"She'd know if anyone.".
"Of course she would, i had a bad feeling you were going to mention i'd need her help, "But fine, whatever, is there anything else you want to let me know about? You and eclipsa were going off about a gem or something?". She was starting to get a little pouty and the less she focused on her mom the better, "Well, me and eclipsa weren't idiots, sky has a rare opal on her wand...you can see the multiverse in it if you look close enough".'
"Rare?".
"Yeah, omni owns these things, never been on a wand before...i think".
That even seemed so surprise star, guess there were things the commission still weren't fully being honest about with her. Luna didn't seem as phased by it though, looking through it curiously, "I'll be honest, i don't really think sky is responsible for taking us here...she...has no reason to and she's not knowledgeable enough to do it even on accident, but...knowing this is on her wand...it's...probably not a coincidence".
"What exactly do you mean by that?".
"C'mon now mom, a magic wand that combusted before we came here? And it just so happens to have a gemstone like this? Even if it wasn't sky it certaintly makes the most sense to be her, the problem is she doesn't know a spell that could do this...so i have to imagine what might of actually happened was we got dragged out of our own dimensions, and got pulled through her crystal into yours".
"Actually...that...kinda makes sense", the queen mumbled, folding her arms together, "But like, you all unwillingly were pulled...right? So someone had to have done this to you, unless this is omni's doing". The person in question had to have knowledge and access to the multiverse in order to even do this and pull it off, and there wasn't a high suspect list.
"No, i don't think it's omni, if the commission were behind it they would've acted upon whatever they wanted us for...not...be as useless as they are now. Before were suspected them but after this much time, well, we don't trust them but we don't think it is them either. It's only so baffling because we're out of many other options, and i've never seen this happen before".
"Well there has to be SOMEONE who can do it".
"I know but, no one here matches well...", then she seemed to think of something, before shutting it down, "No no, that could work but that's far more absurd, we need something more within the lines of reason". Star blinked at luna as she held her hand up to keep star from asking further on the matter, ".We'll start with a list of the main suspects and work from there".
"Luna, we went through the main suspects, there is no one else".
"Have you checked meteora or moon yet?", luna asked skeptically, her suggestion catching the queen off guard, she hadn't really gone into either of them had she? But it was for good reason. "Meteora was doing tasks, she has it on record and my mom...my mom has no reason to even bother doing something like this, where's your proof on that one?".
"You heard me, limited other options".
"Still, my mom would never do something like this...maybe in your word she would but not here...right?".
"You tell me, maybe she would, maybe she wouldn't. I just know she's a suspect and since she's been absent from everything before this point she doesn't have nearly as much of an alibi, even with grandpa...you know how easily distracted he gets". She wasn't wrong, moon could manage it if she were behind it, but there was also no reason for her mother to do this...and she would never attempt to kill a child either.
Even if that child had previous outbrusts about their family.
"i don't believe it but it'll keep it in mind, but frankly...we need a better list, none of these people seem to have anything to do with it", she sent luna a look of worry, "Luna, i think whoever did this is not from mewni, as silly as that is, a disappointment, i know...i think we all thought it had to be family...but it's not". Luna hated to admit it, but she had to agree with the idea, it probably was something else.
"I don't fully agree but i don't fully disagree either, i've heard worse. But learning that kinda magic takes years of proactive. Not to mention accessing the commission tower, it leaves me uneasy, we could pass by this guy on the way to work. Can you imagine how i feel possibly knowing who this is, for them to be a friend of mine only for them to do al of this?".
If luna did she wasn't showing it well.
"You have to know how much that hurts and messes with all of us, we don't just ignore these ideas because we don't buy into them. But if you're right how do we even begin to react? This whole thing has gotten under all of our skin and there's no way we can just forgive and forget if it turns out to be one of us. You don't know who it is, so it's much easier to-".
"Ok, sorry i tried to help, i didn't say it to be rude or anything, it was just an idea"., luna sat back and crossed her arms, putting her feet up nearby. "I do this all the time back home, i catch criminals all the time back home so it's kinda important for me to do stuff like this and try and make a profile of some kind, that way you could spot them even unmasked".
"You scare me with the fact you can spot bad people by just looking at them, i hope me in your world learns to get a grip because you're lucky to not be dead going through all of this", luna snickered, "You're not entirely wrong, i am lucky, but i'm also hard working, so that's another reason i've lived so long, i rarely ever get caught with my talent".
"Is that so? Is that why you're prisoner now?".
Luna's smile was quickly wiped from her face.
"Thought so...but hey, you did say rarely, so this has happened to you before. And you're still here now, so i guess that still says something about you and getting out of stuff like this. I rarely could get myself out of situations without a little help, even if i was a tough fighter. Even now sky usually needs judas to help her out, but thankfully she's never really been kidnapped either".
"I had to learn to do things myself, if...either of you had died the crown would go to me, and if i couldn't take care of myself i was doomed to end up the same way. If you thought i would allow myself to ever be put in that position you were sorely mistaken, I wanted to be a strong queen, stronger then anyone before me...and avoid all the mistakes the others made".
"Like solaria?"
Luna was quiet, "Yeah, especially her, there's...some things about her past i prefer not to repeat, you're honestly lucky in this universe.". The queen jolted her head to luna at that, her face skeptic, "Wait, what do you mean by that? How are we lucky? She still caused massive devastation and we're still recovering from everything she's done, we're not lucky".
The lighter blonde hummed, her fingers twirling the rim of a teacup.
"I...was shocked when i saw angel for the first time, i never really explained why but...it's...well, because his kingdom doesn't exist back home. Or at least not anymore, it's ruins where i live". Star didn't seem to like where this conversation was going but luna continued, "I never got to meet his kind before now, i just knew about what they once were, and well...stories from you".
"From...me?".
"Solaria caused the devastation, but you...you were the one to hit the mark that started everything back home, and it all started with their kingdom. If things hadn't escalated, i might not be the same person anymore. But...it is what it is...it's just worth mentioning that while solaria here might still be quite the queen, you should be lucky you didn't end up with a worse version of her".
"I'll be honest...i'm surprised how much you don't like her, sorry if it sounds rude but i was expecting...you to like...something about her".
Luna shot star back a dirty look, "Outside of her determination to help her people and power there's not much to admire, what she did led to issues we're still solving today, and as far as i'm concerned that does not make you a good queen. You are not a good queen if people remember you for reasons of hatred, i should not be having to fix her messes 800 years later".
Ok so yeah, she really didn't like the old queen herself, even if related to her.
"Sorry for bringing it up then, it was worth asking".
Luna sat back on the bed, spreading out her arms, "It's a lot of stress trying to be a good queen back home, you want to be unique bit you also want to be strong and something to be proud of. It's...a flawed system, always has been a very flawed system. The kind of pressure it puts on everyone is...well it's something alright, not much better in war time".
"I put a lot of high expectation on sky...", the queen laid back, sighing to herself, having to agree with luna. "I know i did, i don't know why it happened, it just did, and i know it really upset her...even though...i just want her to do well. I want her to do well on her own as queen someday and i dunno, i'm never sure what to do, less freedom, too much freedom...i learned from too much freedom.".
"Well based on what i've seen you didn't do much as far as training her by the looks of it, she could barely hold her wand right!".
Luna really has a way of making people feel bad about themselves.
"She really had a hard time preforming magic, i egged her on so bad the ceiling came down", great, she was back to being mad at herself. She could've prevented this so much sooner if she had just...done things so much differently. Maybe sky wouldn't have been accused of crimes, or had even been in danger at all. A little danger was expected out here but not...so often.
Not like this.
"Luna, considering what i know about me from...your world, i'm not coming to you for parental advice. But...i think at the very least i have a better idea of what i need to improve on if i don't want us to end up like me and my mother right now.", she probably could've phrased that far better then she did but luna got the point. "It's been so long...i forget what it was like".
"Well now that moon is stuck here you're probably being reminded of it more then ever, as far as i can tell, nothing has changed about here...i hear enough through everyone else at this point that i'm glad i barely have to talk to her outside of the occasion. Back home grandma and i didn't agree on many things either, it's a lot messier between all three of us in that castle.".
"Luna, your dimension sounds...awful, for the record, not sure if that's what you were going for but, it sounds awful. I'm surprise you even want to go back after everything", she didn't exactly mean for it to sound so rude, it was clear why luna wanted to go back and that going back mattered to her. But it seemed there was little back home that was actually...well, to look forward to besides seeing her family again.
She almost wished luna could stay, not go back to a world like that.
Such an unpleasant world to grow up in.
"Honestly, sometimes i think that too, but i know it's what i want to do...i wouldn't just leave them. And...i won't leave them now especially, it's clear what seems to happen when i make choices to leave people behind, i get myself in more trouble". She motioned to her room, "I can't stay here, you know that and i know that, we have places we need to be and people who need us, we don't belong here".
"Luna, i don't know all of you that well, but i think all of you do belong here, not permanently, i know you all have families to return to...but well...i think being here has...helped you all, to some extent, maybe more then you could ever really get back home". That made luna pause, laying back on her bed, "I guess you really could say that,...i don't think people will even really...recognize me fully when i get back, maybe, it depends how long i've been gone for them...they might not even remember what i was like before i left all of them".
"I'm sorry you've all been gone so long".
"You say that like we didn't lie to your face for months about who we were this entire time, it's not your fault. We insisted on not coming to you for help, and our lack of progress is partially more our fault...and circumstance". She took a deep breath, "I tend not to ask people for help if i can avoid it, and i was aggressive about us staying hidden, and it worked for a while but...it was never going to work forever, there was too many of us, someone was bound to find out".
"Well, you had me fooled, for a good while, though i guess in retrospect the fact you were that good at fighting should've been some kind of red flag, no one who goes into knight training even comes in so perfect. Even on mewni where you could die at any minute, you would've been a good knight if you had been from this dimension though, though heh...oh wow, we assigned you under jackie".
"You can imagine how that went for me".
"Well, i guess it's hard for me to really say, i guess at least in the end you got to spend some good time with us even if we aren't technically your family. I can only hope that talking to us provided you some comfort, maybe. I think...if i was trapped somewhere else, just seeing my mom's face would really help. I...i got really upset when she vanished, after meteora".
Luna paused, letting the thought ponder for a bit.
"You don't hate your mom as much as you want to, she gives you grief and isn't making the situation any better for you...but i can tell that to an extent you're glad she's here. Someone to give you advice...and help you. She's not amazing by any means but i can tell you're glad she's here to help in this crazy situation, even if her help isn't really helping.".
"I've been on my own with the throne for a while...so i dunno, maybe i just miss her", star sunk in her seat, "I nmeed to stop venting, that's not what this meeting was about, it was about the wand, i'm just dealing with a lot of emotions right now. I've never really...confided in someone about this, well, someone who isn't my wife or my best friend at least".
The queen stood up, "I'm trying to handle this stuff on my own without help, but i guess i wouldn't be taking my own advice if i kept doing that, especially when help is coming right to my doorstep to help me on stuff like this. I'll...go talk to mom soon after this, we can come to some kinda agreement on the plan , and maybe work things out properly".
She held out her hand, "The wand, i better head out and i'm not leaving it here with you, no offence." Luna handed it over without any hesitation on her part, star pocketing it, "But...i'll admit, it was nice talking to you, even if i fully don't get why, i can see why eclipsa likes you, she tends to love the kinda people she can soften up from their cold dark hearts".
Luna pouted at that but accepted it anyway, "Well, just update the others and make sure...they're ok, especially judas, i worry about him...a lot. So if you could check up on him and make sure he's alright, i at least would like that". The queen understood, holding the door open playfully. "Cya later prisoner, don't hurt yourself too much in here...ok?".
Like luna could ever get herself that hurt down here? but the thought of it all was rather nice. Better then the other times she was taken hostage, most of those guys were hesitant to even give her food. No one wanted to fight luna when she was at her fully power, no one could even be prepared for it. Luna was the kinda person who could bite your hand off even without any sharp teeth whatsoever.
and no one was gonna test that theory, no one
A few days later, marco found themselves back to work on the plan, landon in a far better mood then he had been, texting his crush in the nearby corner as marco went over their ideas with the rest of the team.
"Alright, we can eliminate that one.", marco said, crossing off yet another idea they considered in their mission. Honestly it was impressive how smart these kids where when it came, ideas like this but it should've been expected. Having some people to bounce ideas off was a brilliant idea and they were all so excited too. Galexia was the most excited actually, she loved talking about her ideas and drawings to with people.
In fact this was the most comfortable anyone had ever seen her at all, period.
Her drawings even made marco laugh at random.
She beamed though, she seemed to like the reaction she was getting out of the queen, in fact she seemed to like the adults in general a lot more then others, I guess considering she grew up with a lot of them that was fair. But every other teen had at least some minor issues with the adults, and yet galeixa was more then happy to spill them everything and talk.
She was so smart it was crazy, her ideas never always made sense but no one really seemed to care that much either. Galexia has been paying attention, that was for sure, she had an ungodly amount of drawings just based on the plan. Some were of the plan itself and others were of them failing the plan, which was no something anyone wanted to see right now. But last there was a plan and it's on it's way guys to getting better.
"Maybe we can hide weapons in my dress", sunny suggested, "I've done it before, just in case anything bad happens and i lose my wand, i wanna be able to protect myself, even without magic". Honestly marco wanted to question why someone as young as her reallly needed so many weapons but maybe it was best just to not provoke it right now for them.
"I think the plan i went with might be out best bet, but these ae some good ideas. Just don't suggest anything too dangerous, i don't wanna put you guys at too much of a risk. I mean i know you guys get into this kinda stuff often but you know what i meant. This is still something we need to be careful with, sorry, safety is always my priority when doing anything with my kids".
"Your kids?".
They never meant for it to come out like that, but i guess upon closest inspection, they seemed to be their parental figure now, it was like marco had adopted a bunch of new kids out of complete nowhere. "Sorry sorry, didn't mean to make it found like...nevermind, i'm just impressed your all of your ideas. But i think in the end our next option is gpnna have to be mind, found good?'
"You even sure it's going to work?", landon asked, huffing at his parent, "Landon, no I'll be honest i'm not, but if we prepare enough for what we may handle when it happens we can prepare for anything with this guy". It was about being flexible and covering any hole, it was all or nothing in this situation and leaving cracks open was the last thing anyone wanted to do.
this entire plan was to be a big trap, a trap is useless if it can be escaped.
With their kids already being in danger enough times throughout this marco had to step up, there was no way they were letting any more kids be put in serious danger, and they were already taking a risk in letting angel even be some form of bait. Marco had to be smart about this, they could run this over several more times to get every nook and cranny.
If they could they'd booby trap the whole castle, they would.
But then that'd risk the safety of everyone else inside, and being trapped in with the crazy person was also a bad idea.
So if they were lucky, the plan would work first go, and they'd not even have to worry about these plan bs or cs. It was just a bit unpredictable where this was going to go, they had been fooled before and if this plan even got out then all of this would be for nothing. For all they knew they'd posses someone else to go in their place and escape them once again.
The mind control aspect really bothered marco.
what if they used it on one of them? That was a thought marco didn't want to consider, especially if it hit him or tom, they'd be powerful and they could really hurt someone if they were made to do so. Marco considered making charms for everyone, perhaps they could attach them to their outfits, not anywhere that they could be seen of course but still.
Then they could be protected at least from that.
Marco made a mental note to tell sky later.
"Ok, so we seem to have somewhat of a good plan going, thanks to judas we have an idea of how the party is going to look, So that outta help immensely when it comes to here to put everyone for this plan. We can keep most of you safe and catch them without anyone at harm, and if this works well then we'll finally be free. You'll all just have to stick to your roles and-".
Landon raised his hand.
"Roles? What?".
"Landon, the party is being used mostly as a front, therefore you have to pretend like nothing is wrong the entire time. If we aren't acting natural they're going to catch on very quick to something happening", landon sunk in his seat, "Right right, but like...won't it be more suspicious if we aren't on edge at least a little the whole night, they're not stupid...i think".
"We can do our best landon".
Landon didn't exactly like this idea, who knew what could happen like this? But marco was right, they were just going to have to be careful, and maybe stay wary of who they talked to. They didn't want to let this person in on any secrets they shouldn't know about, but hopefully they'd be fine. this meeting seemed very effective, marco was going to have star to talk to star about it and-
"Thanks for helping us!", sunny piped up, "And...thanks, we're happy to be considered your kids...", she blushed and marco smiled. "You guys...haven't really had a proper parental figure since you got stuck here, we assumed you were here because your parents let you be here...and we're no substitute for your actual parents but...i hope we can at least help in the meantime."
"You're doing great i promise!", sunny was always so positive, it was surprising how through all of this she still kept a smile on her face. "It's been super nice getting to spend so much time with you, i think we all feel a little at home here. We've lived here so long i guess it's become a second home to us...while also kinda being our home already as well".
Marco bit their lips, thinking of something.
"When we send you home, are we sure you can even come back?'.
They never had to consider it much before this point but now was as good a time as ever to really think about it. Sunny wasn't just a girl from another world, but she was a friend to mason, their youngest son, not to mention friends with everyone else too. They'd well, be sad if they never say any of them again and well, it was an idea that was thought about and could not be helped.
"Sky thought the same thing and she thought, well, we might figure something else out so...we're trying not to think about it too hard y'know? Don't want to get everyone upset right?". Her voice didn't sound like she was too happy about it though, sunny sounding like she almost wanted to hold back from some crying of her own about the matter. At least, it sounded like it.
Losing everyone else must have broken her heart to think about too.
"Sunny i promise we'll all stay together somehow...ok? i don't want to see any of you separated forever either, mason's never been so happy in his life/ He likes having more friends to spend time with, and of course, you all have grown very close. It'd be a burden to separate you, i promise we won't let this all be forever, you'll all see each other again".
Sunny looked over to lexi, who was still drawing by herself, smiling and ignoring most of the world around her.
"I guess i keep worrying about that, even though i try not to...", she admitted, "I'm supposed to be the positive one here, keeping everyone up and happy but...sometimes, i feel sad...thinking about this stuff. i'm going to miss you guys...i really am, i just got used to having sisters and new brothers and saying goodbye, to all of this, it's going to be hard...".
"Well, we'll try and make your last days here the best they can be then, just in case getting back in contact is...hard. You girls at least deserve a few last nights stress free before going home...it's not much, but you all deserve it after everything you've been through. You can even bring some things back home with you if you want to, memories and stuff".
"My parents probably think i've been kidnapped or something".
Yeah, yeah they would, heck knows if this happened to any of their sons marco would feel the same way by now, if they didn't think they died or something. The worry that had to be on their faces must be devastating. Sunny must think about it a lot, especially since she had a little brother back home she loved and had to live without her for so long.
"Don't worry about the now, think about how happy they'll be to see you again", marco said gently, "That's what matters here, getting you home to see them, they'll be thrilled and delighted. I know being away is scary but, it won't be permanent. We will make sure you get home, even if it takes years, don't give up on us ok? We won't let you feel abandoned."
Landon a little way a ways, turned his head away.
"Years, mom you know we can't do that, someone is going to find out eventually".
"I know lardon, but that's no reason to not try. We're going to have to help and not stil and cower even if someone is after them. These girls need to go and everything, the longer they stay here who knows what could happen, it's better they get home as soon as they can before anything worse happens to them. But we need to catch them first, free their names".
"You've been meeting with them right, how badly do people think sky or luna did it?".
Marco tensed up, feeling their shoulders stiffen as they looked for the best works, "Well since that day it's already been a mixed bag, but it hasn't gotten worse if you're looking for good news, i don't think people have gotten stronger on it. Luna must've kicked out a lot of the previous ideas they had which is both good and very bad all things considered".
"Figures as much, we better watch out".
"Oh don't doubt you will, no one feels safe".
"Hey...i hate to ask but, what happens to luna...if this all fails? We're delaying the trail but...there's no way we can defend her if we don't catch the real culprit and...what are they gonna do to her?", the question hit marco like a punch to the gut. They had been avoiding that answer entirely because they knew the answer and didn't want to worry the kids.
Sky was royalty, at worst if she had been convicted she'd lose her right to the throne and her wand.
But luna on the other hand, and with her true identity not known to anyone outside of their ground.
She wasn't nearly as safe.
Around here she was just seem as another citizen, she had no protections outside of perhaps the words of jackie and the royal family to protect her. But even that had a chance of not mattering, because a royal family can trust the wrong people. There was a chance of luna ending up in a BAD situation if they didn't do something soon and the thought was dreadful.
She already had a family back home waiting for her but if they never saw her again due to something like...like being frozen, that'd be even worse.
"We won't let that happen, we'll make sure of it. Even if...things get really bad", Marco was quick to change the subject, going through their papers and papers of plans and ideas. "I'm going to run these by tom and his parents, we need approval for some of these traps within the castle. We're already building up the ballroom for the event and the sooner we have a head start the better".
Landon stood up, ready to head out and join their mother as marco stopped in their tracks and turned again to sunny, "Remember, don't forget the stakeout soon, get some rest and practice your lines...oh...and keep sky updated. She's spending a lot of time with angel and i don't want her to forget about her role, though...it's great seeing her a lot happier...".
"You got it! Uh...thanks for everything", marco smiled at her as landon followed them out, Landon examining the mask and outfit sunny had given him in his arms. It was fitted for him by sky, but he still wasn't sure about it. At least he wasn't doing any of the actual acting or anything, all he has to do was dress up and play music, nothing more, nothing less.
He just needed to be careful.
Not just because of him being a prince, he's just...nearly gotten into fights in there now and if a fight broke out things would not end well, the place was quite on most days but who knows who might head inside on a more ruely day. Demons could be nice people, but they were violent too, and it was always best to keep your watch on them, so landon just hoped this idea was a bust and nothing happened.
It probably would be.
It was that idea alone that was enough to relax him.
Because of his magical abilities he got a little anxious about using his violin at all in case of well, what happened last time, but it would probably be ok as long as he didn't try to do that song again. Besides, he was barely getting results as is, and he wasn't using a wand violin. He needed to chill out, the worst thing to worry about were his nerves at playing in front of people.
Just thinking about it was making his stomach turn, or maybe that was just his guilt at not telling his mother about what he'd been doing.
they knew he knew they did, so why was it so hard to just say something about it?
Marco walked alongside the demon as they made it finally to the nearest bathroom to change and try on the clothes and see how well they worked in case sky needed to fix anything. Marco hadn't said anything yet and he felt their silence was their way of trying to get them to talk. They had done this before when they were really mad after all and landon was feeling the sting of it now.
He went inside to change, not saying anything.
He was so happy everything with bernard was a lot better, not perfect, but better. The entire scare had left him feeing broken for a while and the fact he was still getting texts was a relief in his mind, even if things were still awkward. He felt as if he were walking on eggshells, but he knew this was on him, there was no one else to blame for this then him.
He should say something, marco would go easy on him and he knew it, he just...felt guilty.
How many times was he gonna keep going behind everyone's backs and getting caught? He wasn't sure why he was like this? Maybe he just had a hard time admitting he wanted help? He wasn't a very social person and people knew that, he tended to handle things along when he had the chance and only his mom was ever someone he went to for serious help.
Guess that was bound to kick him in the butt eventually, screw his awkwardness.
He tried on the costume and moved in front of the mirror, sighing to himself, and putting in the mask. It fit well, sky had no business being so good at all of this honestly, she was far more talented then people gave her credit for. Landon just wished he wasn't in some kinda rut right now and could feel a lot better about it. Staring at himself in the mirror before looking to the bathroom door.
He was going to have to suck it up and confront this wasn't he? If he didn't he wouldn't be able to focus and he might get himself into another situation all over again. He did deal with bernard and that went well right? Him trying magic can't be too bad, especially since nothing came of it or anything, why was he panicking over him doing something so minor?
"Landon? You ok in there?".
He took some deep breaths before splashing water on his face, "Yeah mom, i'm coming out in a minute".
He finally pulled himself together, sighing as he opened the door to face his mother, "Mom, i...want to talk to you...about something?". But he was stopped in his tracks, his mom looking at him softly in his outfit, making him blush. "Hijo, you look so grown up...i'm...honestly happy to see you so...open and out there. Look at you opening up and making friends and talking to your crushes.".
"Mom...".
Were they...crying?
They looked like they were crying and landon was hit with a new wave of emotions.
"Sorry, i just...judas is hitting his coronation, mason is hitting puberty and...you're changing a lot too...it's...overwhelming", they wiped at their face, "Didn't mean to start crying or anything, i'm just...so proud...and...you're all so grown up". Landon rubbed at his arms, still blushing hard and having a hard time looking their mom in the eyes, he wasn't expecting this...but...it shouldn't stop him either.
"Mom...you're...right".
Marco looked at them confused at first, right about them making friends and talking to crushes? Landon knowing he needed to clarify more.
"I have been semi-lying...to you, i...when the text incident happened...it was because i was doing magic...not demon magic. I...i realized my violin, i can do spells with it if i really concentrated, it's not the same as a wand but i think i'm the one channeling it, and...i tried to practice it behind your back. I'm really sorry, it just meant so much to me to learn magic and everything and you guys were saying no and-".
"Landon it's ok", they reassured, putting a hand on their shoulder.
"I'm...just happy you told me...instead of me having to find out the hard way.", he felt so much more warm inside hearing that, they really weren't that mad at him for not doing what they were supposed to? Well they were probably a little mad, but not as mad as he was expecting after all the other stuff he had done up to this point. The human sighing.
"We'll work something out...later, for now you're grounded, just for a few days tho."
Yeah, that was expected, but he was glad it wasn't for much longer.
"I'm glad you aren't hurt though, it's easy to get hurt doing magic like that...there's a reason the wand exists...", the pondered for a moment, biting their lips, "We have enough on our plate right now...but...when we get this resolved, i'll make sure to help you learn it. We may have to ask to borrow sky's wand...when it's fixed, but...i'll make sure you figure out this scary part of yourself...".
"D-did you have to use the wand to...to also learn all of this?".
They nodded, "Yeah, it didn't matter at the time because sky wasn't around to use it and star didn't need to anymore...so it gave me the chance to learn so i could well...y'know, do what i do now". As an example, marco cast a small red orb in his hand, "It's not the same as her magic...but, i like to think of it as something new that we can do...discovery and everything. I have to admit, i'm...happy i'm not the only one with it, it's nice being able to have someone else who understands and finds it just as weird".
"I'm still sorry, i shouldn't have lied...".
"If it helps, i wasn't dead honest about my powers to star at first either...it...took me a while before i could talk about it, There was a lot going on at the time and i was just trying to be a good friend". Landon felt a hand grip his shoulder, "I need to also be better for you, a better example for you...but, i think we're both making some progress, and...i'm happy for that".
He had to agree, "I guess...a little progress is better then nothing, right?".
They smiled.
"C'mon, let's change out of that and take a break, if it's ok, i'd like to watch you play. Get you less nervous to perform. It's a way to be there for you, and still help with the plans...unless you don't want me to?". But Landon shook their head, "No, i...i think i'd like that actually, please?". He didn't mean to sound so...needy, but marco seemed more then happy with it.
"Then it's settled, c'mon, i think i need a break too".
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raziroo · 3 years
Text
Chapter Four | I Take A Liking To Lilac All Of A Sudden
Pairing: Lotor x Reader (There you go)
Genre: Angst? I don't knowww
Warnings: Mentions of cancer, mild swearing
Word Count: 1,676
Author’s Note: This is kind of a filler? I can't write long shit in one sitting, so. It's important to reader and lotor's relationship, tho.
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‘Good luck. Come back alive, all of you, alright?’ I asked, my eyes roving over the three people standing before me – Matt, Pidge, and Shiro. ‘It��s, like, one of the simplest things you could do. You give Lotor, you get Mr. Holt. Simple. Very simple and easily doable. Right?’ My gaze dragged over all of them once more as I picked at my nails nervously. As much as I was aware of the fact that this trade wasn’t simple and easily doable, I knew that I would legitimately have a nervous breakdown if I didn’t spew lies through my teeth.
Shiro smiled at me lightly. ‘Of course. I’ll make sure nothing goes wrong. You guys take care too.’
‘If, however, anything happens,’ Allura chided, ‘the other lions will arrive as soon as possible.’
‘Yeah,’ Pidge said with a wry smirk, ‘so try not to pass out.’
‘Okay,’ I nodded my head rapidly, ‘yeah, okay, I – I can do that.’
‘Good. Well, we’ll get going then,’ Shiro announced, and turned around, the others following him.
Hopefully, all would go well.
. . . . .
You know what? Everything actually went relatively well. Yes, my hunch turned out to be correct and Zarkon chose to go through with the ‘I was lying all along! Bwahahaha!’ route and ended up getting himself killed at the hands of his son, but overall, I’d say it was a win-win, seeing that we got Pidge’s father back (thank God, who knows what havoc she’d wreak if we ended up not getting Sam back) and the evil maniacal tyrant who’d been ruling over the universe for ten thousand years died.
The one downside was that now there needed to be a new Emperor, because following Zarkon’s death, not only the Galra empire, but simultaneously the entire universe had gone into a state of chaos too. There was no doubt that underlings and generals would try to take over smaller parts of the empire, and once that happened, Voltron being able to do anything would be a stretch.
And, according to Lotor, a ceremony to crown the new emperor, the Kral Zera, would now be taking place. Once he said that, he really didn’t need to say more – it was obvious what his implications were. A new emperor was to be crowned, and if Voltron was to achieve peace, Lotor would have to go and secure the throne. It was a sensible thought to be had, no problem. The thing was, to reach the Kral Zera, which was taking place in two days, in itself was a decision to be taken with utmost thought. The Paladins just didn’t have enough time to decide.
On the one hand, Shiro and Lotor were adamant that the latter be crowned emperor; the other Paladins, however, were justifiably hesitant. I had been standing there listening to them going back and forth, not saying a word myself, like always.
To be honest, I just wanted to go sleep. For some reason, I’d been feeling overly anxious these past few days. White was still not responding to me, I was having regular dreams about the day I woke up here. It was always that one day, that first conversation I had with Shiro. It was as if my subconsciousness too wanted me to reach out to Shiro because there was clearly something weird going on with him.
My suspicions only solidified when I heard Shiro’s voice boom through the room. My head snapped up. Lance with a look of shock and the slightest bit of fear on his face, Shiro’s visage twisted with uncharacteristic anger.
‘Shiro. I think you should just relax a little.’ The man turned to me, brows pinched.
‘I am relaxed -’
‘No, I really think you aren’t… so, like… take it easy, yeah?’ I asked, jumping my eyebrows, arms still folded in front of me, maintaining a calm yet defensive posture. I could feel the entire room’s gazes on me. After all, I almost never spoke in such discussions, or any discussions, really, and indirectly opposing Shiro, of all people, was way too brave a thing for me to do.
Shiro looked at me with slight disbelief, a glint in his eye challenging me to speak up. ‘You want me to take it easy? Take it easy? The fate of the universe depends on this, taking it easy is really not an option right now. I’ve put my foot down – as the Leader of Voltron, I’ve taken this decision. You aren’t someone befitted to oppose me.’
Ok, wow. Everyone shared the same opinion apparently, as now the silence seemed piercing. Clicking my tongue, I tilted my head. ‘Well, maybe not as a Paladin, which I’m not, or a member of the coalition. But as a friend, Shiro, you’ve been acting strange. Everyone realises this. You realise this. … Maybe, I don’t know… maybe all this reflecting on you’ve been doing, maybe the role of leader is taking a toll on you? I, heh,’ I chuckle, ‘I really am not sure. But you’re not relaxed, and you’re not acting yourself.’
‘Could you please not tell me how to be a Paladin?’
‘While you all waste time squabbling, sinister forces are conspiring to fill the Galra power void. If I don’t return to claim the throne, there’s no telling who will.’
Does being royalty instantly make you a hundred times more dramatic? Sinister forces? Deadass?
I walked out.
. . . . .
Shiro went behind our back.
Yeah.
Acting like a complete bitch, he took Lotor to the Kral Zera, where, for your information, he could’ve been blown up. By Keith.
I wanted to deck Shiro. Instead, I visited White. I had hopes she’d respond to me, since I’d been brave and spoken my mind. I prayed on all the Gods and Deities above that my expectations became reality.
Yeah, they didn’t. She didn’t budge. The whole entire two goddamned hours I sat in front of White, she ignored me. Frustrated, I ended up punching her, resulting in bleeding knuckles. Lotor saw that, by the way. He seemed to always be keeping an eye on White, regardless of me being there or not, which I admit is a little strange, but I wasn’t judging. These aliens seemed to worship the Lions.
Lotor also invited us to the Galra headquarters, and lord oh my lord, was it fancy. Allura had gone off to do research with Lotor (I’d been about to make a joke about what “research” those two were really about to do, if you catch my drift, but then I saw Lance looking at the pair glumly, and thought better of it. I’d lightly punched Lance on the shoulder, and raised my eyebrows so as to say ‘They’re gorgeous aliens who could give Bella Hadid and Harry Styles a run for their money, it can’t be helped.’ He laughed.) I accompanied Hunk, Lance and Pidge in their shenanigans for a while, but ended up wandering around the place.
Space was beautiful. Even through a window, I wanted to just stare at it for as long as I could, enjoying a show more realistic than ever before. It was really similar to all the Marvel movies I’d watched; I felt a weird sense of pride at that realization. I remembered how I’d cried at the end of Infinity War, my friends clinging to me and bawling as well; how loud I’d squealed at an absolutely steamy piece of Kakashi fanart Cory had drawn; how happy I’d been when Sasha, my neighbour and childhood friend, had come out victorious after battling cancer for years.
I hadn’t realized when the tears had started slipping down my cheeks. I wiped at them, but they wouldn’t go. Sniffling and wiping so furiously my skin would get burned when I heard footsteps, I turned to see Lotor approaching me.
‘Hey -’ shit, my voice was so thick. Clearing my throat obnoxiously loud, I greeted him again. ‘Hey, uh… what… how’s yours and Allura’s research going?’
‘The research has been going quite smoothly.’
‘Hmm. Nice.’
Lotor was staring – no, correction - scrutinising me. I could feel it, his intense as hell eyes burning into the side of my face. I wasn’t going to give up, though. I stared at the window with as much concentration as he me.
He was the first to speak up. Ha.
‘You’re not of the Paladins.’
‘Really? I didn’t know, thanks,’ I still wasn’t looking at him.
‘Deepest apologies if I offended you -’
‘You didn’t, it’s okay.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘…If you wish to answer, why do you appear… distant, compared to the other Paladins? You say they are your friends, but there’s such scarce interaction… you seem acquaintances at best.’
‘… They are my friends. I like to think so, because, well… because I don’t have anyone to go back home to.’
‘Oh. My apologies, I didn’t mean to pry.’
‘You didn’t pry, chill. It’s not that my family’s dead or anything, it’s just that… no, well, my family is dead, but… like, they’ve been dead for around three hundred or so years…?’ I turned to Lotor, brows furrowed. He looked less confused than me.
‘Sorry, no, that’s – that’s shit explanation, um… you could say… I… I’ve lived past my time. I’m alive when I’m not supposed to be.’
I didn’t explicitly mention, as you can see, that I was a time traveller, because I wasn’t really one with that fact yet. I’d accepted it, yes, but that didn’t mean I was comfortable with it. It was still a foreign truth, something I didn’t take great joy in talking or thinking about.
When I turned to Lotor, I felt like he’d understood what he needed to already.
It was bizarre. A lilac alien was the last person I would expect to understand me so easily, but it was what it was.
31 notes · View notes
percywinchester27 · 4 years
Text
A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-24)
Word count: 3.5K
Pairing: Sam X Reader AU
Warnings: Feels, angst, the usual
Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.
A/N: Thank you for all the love, guys <3
The story employs two different timelines. The present timeline for the story takes place in 2014. Please let me know what you guys think :)
Beta: @deanssweetheart23​​. I love you <3
A lot like ‘Us’ masterlist
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You stumbled on to the sofa in a bit of a daze, drawing the rug over you to keep the chill at bay. Your mind was screaming out in a dissonance of voices, all telling you different things at the same time, pushing you to go back to him, to ask him why didn’t he rid himself of a relationship that must have brought him nothing but hurt and pain? Why had he dragged this marriage all by himself for so long?
It was clear as day now- there was no other girl in Sam’s life. Only you. For all your incessant speculation, it had only ever been you. 
“Y/N, you okay?”
Meg was next to you, her hand on your arm. “What happened?”
“I’m still married to him,” you whispered. “I’m still married to Sam. Meg-” you turned to her- “I thought he would’ve annulled the marriage. He had no reason to be bound to it. I left him high and dry. It’s the first thing he should’ve done- free himself… but… I saw his wedding ring. I can’t believe…”
Meg got up and walked to the fridge. You watched as she pulled out two beer bottles, opened them with her teeth and handed you one. She took a seat next to you, swinging her arm around your shoulder.
Slowly, you brought the bottle to your lips and took a swig. The cold bitterness of the beer was strangely comforting next to the warmth of your friend’s body. Meg didn’t utter a word. She drank from her own bottle, not easing the grip on your shoulder.
It was going to be a whole new challenge to face Sam now. Up until today you were simply happy that in Sam’s friendship, you were getting back crumbs of what you used to have. To know that he was still very much yours and yet not yours at all was very very painful. Wouldn’t you want to fling yourself at him the next time you saw him? 
You wanted to ask Sam why he hadn’t severed the ties legally, but you didn’t think you had it in you. What would you say? So hey, Sam… remember when you loved me so much, but I left you anyway? Yeah, so why are we still married?
 He’d kept his every promise, been faithful to you all along. You realised with a shock that you and Sam had been looking at the whole situation from two completely different angles. When you’d seen him in the lecture hall, a part of your past- one which you’d tried to bury very deep had resurfaced again. For him, he’d stepped into a generic lecture and found his wife staring down at him. It explained so much- Why he’d never been as lost to himself as you had been to yourself. You had resented his ability to smile, to be himself while you’d been a wreck all these years. Only now did you understand that the reason he had held on to himself was because he had never let go of you.
Silent tears rolled down cheeks as anger and disgust for yourself weighed you down. 
“It’ll be alright,” Meg said in a low voice.
You took another swig, wondering if Sam will ever stop surprising you and knowing once again that you never deserved him.
*********************
“Bad night?” Madison was sympathetic. 
You answered honestly, “It was my doing, I had it coming.”
“We’re almost to the end. You can sleep the exhaustion off.”
The two of you were sitting in the front row, waiting to be called up on the stage for the vote of thanks. It was relieving that the Induction fair had come to an end without any incidence- everything had gone as smoothly as you had planned and a lot of the alumni had come up to you to congratulate you for planning and managing it so well. You even had a couple of contact cards tucked in the pocket of your jacket, asking you to give them a call for the summer internship.
Madison was really impressed that you had offers. Summer internships were rare for first years, especially so without recommendations. She was sad for herself that Acton Griswold never broke the first year rule. You encouraged her to use her dad’s influence if it helped. It wasn’t like she would be taking someone else's place. She would only be creating one for herself. To be a good lawyer, one had to be pragmatic, you understood that very well and didn’t judge Madison for wanting to use all the resources at her disposal.
When it was time for the vote of thanks, you made it a point to thank all the speakers and hosts and then your team- each of the members individually for having your back. There had been some wonderful lectures and discussions. You might have been biased, but Sam’s had been the best- it was hopeful and inspiring. He’d looked great on the stage.
Afterwards, the committee had arranged a small lunch for the alumni still left, in one of the campus eateries. There was expensive alcohol and enticing music. A lot of people made their way to the center of the room and began dancing again, trying to revive the mood from last night. On your part, you were simply trying to avoid Sam. You could sense that he was trying to catch your eyes- probably to ask you why you had left so suddenly last evening. Luckily, he was a popular target and people kept going up to him to strike conversations.
You felt a hand on your shoulder, then another at your waist, making you jump back a step.
“Hey, it’s me!” Brad said with his usual arrogant grin. 
“What’re you doing?”
“You promised me a dance, remember?”
You wanted to slap yourself for agreeing to it. “I didn’t promise anything.”
“Aw, don’t be like that,” he smirked. “You said one dance. Yesterday your guy didn’t leave you for a second and then you disappeared. At least, let me have one dance now?”
You knew from experience that he wouldn’t budge, so as annoying as it was, you put your hand on his shoulder- not to draw yourself closer to him, but to maintain a firm distance. If you were going to dance, it would be at your terms.
“Gee, I’m feeling very lucky today!” 
“I can’t even dance.”
“That’s fine.” There it was again, the overconfidence. “Hey, listen. Me and the guys and some people from class are having a pool party this weekend. I’ll see you there, right?”
“I can’t. I’ll be working this weekend.”
He rolled his eyes. “I know you aren’t working. I checked the schedule at the library. So don’t even try to wiggle out of this one.”
“I don’t know why you won’t give up, Brad,” you sighed as you moved from side to side. 
“Because I know one day you’ll say yes. No one’s ever said no to me… except you.”
“So this is about your ego?”
He snorted. “It’s because I really like you. At least, give it a shot. What’s stopping you?”
The fact that I don’t like you. At all. And oh, apparently, I’m married.
“I’m not interested in dating anyone,” you told him flatly. 
Something in his eyes changed, they became darker, his jaw tensed. “Let me change your mind.” His hand pressed against the small of your back, bunching up in the fabric of your dress. The fingers resting against your shoulders dug into the skin. He leaned in quickly- before you could react- far too quickly.
Just as you braced yourself to push him away, another hand landed on your shoulder, right above Brad’s, yanking his fingers away none too gently.
“Y/N!” A cheerful voice exclaimed, pulling you right from Brad’s arms into his own. 
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” said Chase Lincoln, with the sort of jovial outrage that comes only after years and years of friendship. “How dare you evade me like this, you frivolous wench!”
You were absolutely baffled; next to you, so was Brad.
Chase turned to give him a dismissive look. “I’m sorry, mate,” he said, not sounding sorry at all. “I have some business to settle with this girl, here. If you’ll excuse us.”
Without waiting for Brad to react, Chase whirled you away, single handedly managing to keep the both of you upright. 
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean,” you stuttered, as he spun you. His hands were light on your waist and in your hand- very respectable.
“Don’t say sorry,” he grinned. “I thought you were in a bit of a tight spot over there.” 
“I was,” you breathed, still trying to keep up with his pace of dancing. You wanted to thank him for saving you from that, at the same time you didn't want to utter the words because you barely knew the man.
“Look-”
“Don’t thank me,” he cut you off. “It was the decent thing to do. Besides, my friend over there would have snapped a tendon or two, if I hadn’t.”
Chase jerked his head in the direction and you followed with your gaze to see Sam standing ramrod straight, hands balled into fists, jaw clenched. Even from this far away you could see he was coiled like a tight wire about to snap.
“He couldn’t intercede,” Chase said in a low voice. “And I couldn’t help but. Then there’s also the matter that I’ve been dying to get in a word with the lovely Mrs. Winchester. It’s not like Sam can come break us up either.” 
Mrs. Winchester. The name resonated in your ears. If you hadn’t had all of the last miserable night to accept that fact, your legs might have just given out now.”
Chase laughed all of a sudden, the sound apologetic. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you or anything. You can ask me to get the hell lost and that would be that.”
“I don’t know what you want.”
At least, Chase wasn’t hurling abuses at her for ditching Sam. 
“It’s nothing to do with Sam, actually,” he said. You noticed for the first time just how sharp his green eyes were. They gave you the feeling of being Xrayed. Not many people must be able to lie to him. “I have an offer for you.”
“An offer?”
“Yep. How would you like to come and work at Acton Griswold? It’s a great place to work in.”
You stared at him. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Wouldn’t dare.”
“I know Acton Gris doesn’t take first year interns.” Not even with recommendations.
Chase grinned. “Who’s talking about internships? Hell, no. You’ll be left with photo-copying and standing in café lines all day. I’m talking about actual work. I had the chance to go through your CV for the committee selection. Come work there as a part-time paralegal.”
“I wouldn’t fit in,” you mumbled. Chase’s words did not make any sense. You had no backing, neither were you naïve. You knew jobs like that had hundreds and hundreds of applications every week.
His eyes twinkled. “Trust me, you would. I could recommend you. I’m sure after more than two years of working there, I have enough pull.”
“Please, don’t.” Despite having asked Madison to use all the pull, you couldn’t bear the idea of someone doing it for you. 
“Look, Sam told me that you helped him out with James’s case. I feel terrible about being swamped that day and not being there for him. Even his assistant, Stacey was on a leave. You saved that poor kid from jail.”
You hadn’t really done anything, and you told Chase that. His answering smile looked peaceful, like you had cleared some unknown test.
“Will you, at least, apply? I swear I won’t do anything to further your application. If you get in, it’ll be all you.” He hesitated before adding. “I won’t tell Sam if you don’t want me to.”
“Oh, no… it’s nothing like that. I don’t want to keep anything from him.” Not anymore.
Chase smiled. “Don’t worry, he’s too high up to be involved with the paralegals anyway. Word around the block is, they’re considering him for senior partner. He’d be the youngest in their history.”
You dropped your hands from around his shoulder, clapping them. “My God, that’s wonderful!” The grin spreading on your lips threatened to split your face. “I can’t think of anyone who would deserve it more.”
“That makes two of us.” Chase let go of you completely. “I’m glad he has someone who would be happy about his successes.”
That wiped the grin off of your face completely.
“He’s not the sort of guy who leaves people behind. When he left Johnson’s, he didn’t ditch Stacey, he brought her along… and me. I don’t think he has the ability to move on.”
The words felt heavy in the air between the two of you, and with Chase’s eyes boring into yours it was impossible to look away. He was imploring you to believe him. 
He gave you his patented grin, one that said he was up to no good. “And unlike your college here, Acton Gris has no policy against fraternizing. I’ll see you around, Y/N!” Chase nodded and backed away, leaving you standing there wondering what the hell had just happened. 
*********************
Sam hurriedly cleared his desk, in an effort to get out soon. Sundays were strictly reserved for Max… It’s a rule he didn’t break, Induction fairs notwithstanding. Those were mandatory for him as a faculty member.
So much for him dreading the Induction fair because it would be boring. Sam should have known nothing with Y/N could be even remotely disinteresting. In the past weekend, he’d oscillated from the nervousness of a teenager to a piercing hope. Today, he’d almost had a coronary.
Sam knew it was wrong. God, he knew it was wrong to want to punch a guy- especially a student! But he’d been touching Y/N… when she didn’t want to be touched. Sam could have sworn, that guy had leaned in with the intention of kissing her. He was almost sure. God bless Chase’s soul for jumping in when he did.
Chase had drawn her in his arms gently, and then turned to throw Sam a wink. Chase was the best wingman when he wanted to be one.
Then there was the new anxiety of having Chase with her. Y/N- she wasn’t like other people. She felt things too deeply and Chase didn’t know that. What if he said anything that unconsciously hurt her… or accidentally mentioned Max or something from Sam’s past? As it is the way she’d left yesterday had Sam on edge.
Abruptly Y/N grinned and Chased bowed just a bit. Sam’s whole body relaxed. 
He turned around and headed back to his office in the Law building. Standing there, watching Y/N was only drawing him thin. There were still a few papers he needed to grade and then get back to Max as soon as possible.
Not for the first time, Sam was grateful for Max. In all this mess, his kid kept him tethered. Sam would have gone off the orbit and done something stupid regarding Y/N. But one thought of Max and he was grounded back to reality. Max was his first priority… not that the kid was making it any easy for him lately.
Sam had seen him looking at Y/N’s photo again last night. The picture, one of her standing by the balcony, was taken a few days after her first acceptance. She was smiling down at Dean who was mowing the lawn and Sam had clicked the moment unbeknownst to her. She looked gorgeous. Sam couldn’t bear to see it everyday, so the picture had remained in the first drawer of his bedside table. In his moments of weakness, he could hold on to it and remind himself, something that pure had been his once.
A flimsy material caught Sam’s attention as he shut his desk drawer. Y/N’s scarf from last night. He hadn’t taken it home with him, choosing to leave it. 
Maybe he could drop it at her place on his way home. That would be an innocent reason, right? He could ask her what was up with her yesterday. Y/N had been miffed at Sam for not seeing her in the library often. That meant not meeting him must be a bad thing for her. Sam was more excited about the prospect of returning her scarf than he was about most things in his life.
The door to Sam’s office sprang open, making him look up in surprise.
Y/N’s roommate, Meg, was standing at the door, her face a mask of contempt. 
“Meg,” he said, surprised.
“Didn’t expect me, did you?”
Her hostile sneer would have tipped him off, had Sam not been riding the high if getting to see Y/N.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t,” he said. “Please, take a seat.”
“Cut out your bullshit, Winchester,” she spat, coming up to him. “What do you think you’re doing making Y/N’s life miserable like that?”
Sam couldn’t understand. “What… what do you mean?”
“Don’t,” she hissed. “Don’t you dare act like you don’t know anything. Every time she meets you, Y/N’s a wreck. When she found out you were the one who got her home that night… she was besides herself. I’ve never seen her so terrified or more out of her element. And I don’t know what the fuck you did to her last night, but she couldn’t stop crying.”
Meg took another step forward. “You think it’s so cool dragging her along with you like this? Why don’t you set her free? Or are you that much of a sadist to see her suffer day in and day out?”
“Suffer?” He repeated dully.
“When I first saw her, Y/N looked dead,” Meg said, fury in each word. “Her eyes were sunken and her cheeks were hollowed. When she laughed for the first time, it sounded hysterical, like she’d forgotten how to do it. Hell, her skin stretched over her bones even when she smiled. I’ve seen her struggle day after day trying to get a hold on herself, learn how to be happy again… and if you mess that up, Winchester, I swear I’ll smash your face in.”
Sam knew he should say something back, anything, but the picture that Meg had painted was too painful… a hollow Y/N, the one that had left him in the hospital. If she’d been the same when she moved in with Meg, how many years had she suffered at the stake of such mind numbing agony? And yet, he had seen life behind her eyes… he’d seen her happy, smiling…
“I don’t know what you did to her all those years ago,” she continued, her voice like ice. “Y/N wouldn’t say, but I know it was enough to kill a part of her. And I know somehow it was your fault.”
“Did she say that? Did Y/N say it was because of me?” 
“No!” She spat, frustrated. “I don’t know why she can’t see what you’re doing to her. I can. You’re a slow seeping poison. Just leave her alone. Y/N was happy before you decided to come back and wreck her life again. Set her free.”
Something was choking Sam’s breath, words just wouldn’t come out. Was he keeping her from happiness? Was that why she had fled last night?
Meg jabbed a finger in his direction. “Remember.”
She turned on her heel and was almost out of the door when Sam managed to croak, “Meg-”
Meg looked over her shoulder. 
With numb legs Sam made his way to her. “Take this with you,” he said, handing her the scarf with shaking hands. “It’s Y/N’s. She gave it to me yesterday. It would be best if you give it back to her.”
Meg snatched the scarf from him and then with one last look of derision, stormed out.
All Sam could do was fall in his chair, hands raking through his hair. What had he been thinking? What had been playing at? As if there was any chance in the world that he wouldn’t remind Y/N of what she had lost. Of course she was hurting and it was his damn fault, because he thought they could be friends again, because he hoped it could ever lead to anything more.
And there was always Max to think of. Right in front of his eyes the flimsy dream he had brought to life collapsed in a heap of shattered glass. Maybe in a parallel reality somewhere, Y/N would be in his life, Max would be their son and everything would be perfect. This was not that world. Here, Sam was sentenced to live out his life by himself and he’d be damned if let Y/N get hurt because of him again.
*********************
A/N 2: Okay... I’m sorry? *hides face* At least the reader has a playdate with Max!
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hello! if you don't mind, could you do headcanon for omen x sage? thank you so much! also, i love your headcanons uwu
(A/N: mmmkay you took the literal embodiment of death and paired him with a radiant healer. What else is new. I had fun speculating for this one! I hope you enjoy!)
They both love to read
They’re not as different as you might think
Omen takes life, including his - repeatedly
Sage gives life, but in order to do so, she’d have to take it from somewhere wouldn’t she? Nothing comes from nothing
Now before you cuss me out that she could be giving her own life force or dragging their souls back into their bodies--
“Sage, the life you give, do you ever wonder where it’s taken from?”
Would he have a line like that for her if that was the case? Would he really?
He knows something and honestly, to me, that’s the most interesting part about their relationship
But I feel like that’s a lot to unpack there so I’ll leave it for a theory post
On to the fluff
Sage likes to cook - especially recepies she can remember from home
Since she joined the protocol Sage rarely gets to visit, and the Chinese food substitutes elsewhere felt less than adequate
So she started making them herself - dumplings, chinese noodles, wontons, you name it
Omen can’t eat, but he can smell
Before he started out with Sage, Omen considered it unnecessary and loathsome - he could smell the food, flowers, even fresh air
But that’s all that it was to him. A smell.
He could smell food, but he couldn’t be hungry. He could smell the fresh air, but could only faintly remember how good it felt to have it rushing through his lungs
He could remember how much better these things felt when he was alive, how much more vibrant and beautiful it was to simply live
Now, all of these scents haunted him, only strenghtening the melancholy of his days among the living
He never told this to anyone
Sage picked it up by herself, and is also the only one who can fanthom even just trying to understand Omen’s mentality
Because when you think about it, she understands death
Sage will play around in the kitchen, probing and trying different variations of flavours, while Omen will sit there, silently observing
Sage hoped to return his faith in life, to amplify his senses so he could at least feel like he’s living again
She didn’t succeed. Not directly.
Her cooking didn’t bring him back - but it did tie a smell to a feeling
Omen felt completely content and at ease while in her presence
He didn’t get the feeling of getting judged or pointed at
After a long while, he felt happy
Every time he’d pick up a spice he’d remember the love they’ve built over the years
Every time he stepped inside and smelled ginger or galric, he would remember Sage
He would remember how to be happy
He would start noticing joy he’d otherwise overlook
He’d remember his incredible luck (may the irony never defeat him), to be with someone so life-giving
Sage helped him with his social skills a lot
He’s still antisocial though
I mean, she’s a magic worker but there are some things you just can’t fix
One thing Sage likes to have in her life is touch - hand on the shoulder, a kiss on the head here and there, walking down the street hand in hand, touching while asleep...
...Omen is not very touchy
He doesn’t like to be touched, or vice versa
But deep down, he’s afraid
What if I hurt her?
So he had to relearn human contact
That was hard, sice he’s spent a good portion of his radiant time in a lab, being pricked and prodded like a test subject
Also he generally doesn’t like touching warmer things since it disturbes his atoms and he finds it harder to keep them together
So...they had a bit of a hiccup there
But he got better at it because it made Sage happy and that was good enough for him
So when he came home from a mission one day, and wrapped his arms around Sage on his own, her brain couldn’t process for a moment
They don’t often run missions together
Omen cannot work proficently with Sage around, since he would just tail her and obliterate anyone in her path
He lost everything once, and it won’t happen again
Sage is annoyed by this, since she’s being babied for being a healer by everyone else already, like she can’t clutch that bitch
She also has the worst luck. She fell for the only agent she can’t revive.
She can’t stand and watch Omen offering himself as bait and willingly dying time and time again
Sage is strongly against his suicidal callouts, since she’s the only one with a full grasp on how painful it really is for him
They’re both cat people
Omen likes to chill in Sage’s room in the HQ, since it has a lot of vegetation and is always well ventilated
There’s a lot of hugs from behind when they’re alone
It just showcases the trust Omen has in Sage - he’d probably kill anyone else who tried to do that on a reflex
Omen rather shows than tells
So Sage will find little things he left for her, or brought from a new place he went to
A new book, a piece of handcrafted art, a postcard
Little things, and she collects them all
(And if we’re going there imagine her coming home from her own mission, seeing an envelope on the desk and excitedly wondering what he left this time, only to find a report saying that a certain phantom is MIA - or vice versa)
They don’t go out on dates much (people stare and Omen ain’t a fan)
But they will have booked days for just staying in, watching a documentary and cuddling
Omen, if they have to cuddle, likes being close
Close enough to feel her heartbeat, or to just see her breathe
He can sometimes imagine doing that himself
Deep down, he wishes he was human. For her. So he could give her a normal, healthy relationship, without the constant threat of disintegrating or dying
Oh by the way Sage gives him a kiss on the forhead sometimes and he fucking melts
He generally hides under his hood, mainly because he’s less intimidating when he has it on (I shit you not)
And every time Sage looks at him without a hint of fear, it blows him away completely
Omen was viewed by people as a monster, they were afraid
And Sage just...I don’t care if you’re in the middle of the chapter, empty the dishwasher please
Sage is a mom friend and some of that transmits into her relationships
Yes, she’s caring. Yes, she’s amazing at helping others. But for the love of fuck, don’t challenge her. Ever.
Omen likes that best about her
Everyone underestimates her as in what’s a healer gonna do? Kill us? and she just wrecks them all, using their own pretentiousness against them
But when you think about it, there’s a reason everyone is so desperate to keep her out of harm’s way - she’s the only one who doesn’t get a second chance
When she dies, it’s over
There’s noone to bring her back
And that’s what Omen is so afraid of
(A/N: okay, I’m reading over this again and I realise that this isn’t exactly the fluff you were looking for, but I can’t get out of my skin. Lemme know what you think. I hope you liked it!
Thank you for reading!
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