#I don't think I'll post the whole thing here

[anti-endo-safe-space]

So, we're making this post because we've found out we've had a few "NPD abuse is truth!!" people who have interacted. I'll be blunt. We don't want you here.

NPD is not abusive. Narcissistic traits are not abusive. If we see one more person trying to use malignant narcissism as it being abusive then we're going to lose our shit. Stop making an already stigmatized disorder WORSE.

I'm not invalidating anyone's trauma. I hear you and I believe you, but the one thing I will do is correct. It is not NPD abuse is or narc abuse (using narc abuse as we do have NPD, if your not a pwNPD then please do not), or even malignant narcissism abuse, it's verbal/mental/emotional/physical whatever type it is abuse. Narc abuse is NOT a real thing.

Yes, there are abusive pwNPD. They aren't abusive because they have have NPD. They're just abusive. This whole belief on it is trying to divide us into "good narcissists" and "bad narcissists" where the good ones shut up and let people talk about how NPD is abusive and keep mouths closed and pretend to have empathy. The "bad" ones speak out against people's blatant ableism (which idgaf if you have a mental disorder as well, that does NOT stop you from being ableist), don't care about pretending empathy and are just themselves. What happened to not trying to divide a community already under attack all the fucking time?

To sum up a long ass message, if you believe in any form of narcissist abuse then do not interact here. Your not welcome, we don't want you, we don't even want to think of you here. Because in this situation, if any of us would be abusive, it'd be you who push that narrative in your strive to "educate" and instead ruin people for something out of their fucking control.

[thefaiao]

Do you remember what hooked you on the LISA series? It's a decently impactful set of games so I'm curious as to why you've created so many drawings from it

A great question. I don't think I can answer this with absolute precision, but I'll try. I'll begin explaining how exactly I first got into drawing LISA, and we'll work from there to the reason I believe I am still compelled to draw more of it.

I first played and finished LISA at the end of 2016. I was decently active at that point, but hadn't garnered much attention to my drawings. I had made a Hotline Miami post that had gotten decently popular, and a few Yogscast(1)(2)(3) drawings that also did decently well, but overall nothing super noteworthy. Most Yog fans at the time weren't into what I liked mainly, which was Shadow of Israphel.

I was immature at the time, so had a hard time connecting with people in fandoms. Not to mention, I was a Brasilian in a sea of Americans and Europeans. You'd be surprised how hard it was to relate with people in that setting, but I tried here and there.

I felt pretty strongly about the HM post though, since it felt like a great personal achievement. I felt a drawing I had a clear vision for had achieved what I set out to do with it. Seeing how much people liked it, it was pretty magical when you've never had a post "do well".

Anyway, people were hopping out of tumblr and onto twitter, and I did as well. Twitter, despite everything, sort of puts you way closer to other people. Your reply to someone important is very visible and hard to ignore. It was a type of equalizer. There I had gotten to get my drawings actually seen and shared by Austin, the guy who made the LISA games.

Having had my drawings shared and recognized that way had a strong impact on me, and I even got to talk with an artist I really looked up to at the time, Maren, who had also gotten into LISA. She had done art for SBFP and TF2, so it felt surreal to me to be acknowledged by someone like that. Up to that point I really felt like more of a passive observer to everything.

In 2014 I finished high-school, and 2015 I spent the whole year learning how to draw better. I tried so hard that I ended up dissociating, a very scary emotion, that I didn't even know was a thing at the time. It felt like all that time and effort was starting to pay off, and that there was a way forward here.

First I posted sketches, and the passion I had for the game and motivation from the recognition led me to put a lot more effort than usual into my drawings. I ended up making these, which got really popular, it was very validating.

So because of all that I kept drawing. I'll be honest, a lot of the time I just wanted to get even more of the attention of these weird new cool popular friends that were paying attention to me for some reason. I was very lonely at the time. I think I stayed lonely for a long time after too.

But eventually people move on, as is normal with fandoms. I didn't really feel my passion for drawing and LISA die out though. I had started a massive LISA art project at the time, that took me 5 long years, and also was more focused in college, where I did Game Design.

Drawing wise, eventually I branched out to other RPGmaker games, but LISA was very easy to draw. It was sort of a home-base for me. Something I could come back to when I was uncertain.

I think Urasawa put it quite well, with Billy Bat:

Drawing the same characters over and over is extremely rewarding, and a great way to reflect on your progress so far. I suppose it's meditative, but that's not quite the right word. It's very fun and constructive, and people can also keep track of your progress through that. I did the same with OFF characters, a game I had drawn way before all this.

Of course, I had a lot of issues because of how things developed. I related a lot of my self-worth with the validation I received from people online, and I still do, to an extent...

When I started taking the game I'm making, Meanderer, more seriously, and started living alone, posting anything felt awful. I didn't have the energy for bombastic posts, or the time spent developing the way I draw the characters like I did for LISA, that is, with ease and style. It felt very humiliating, but I understand it was a warped view of things.

It was a long and depressing time in my life, but it taught me a few important lessons, and made me sort of re-evaluate how I engage with "online" overall. But I still liked drawing LISA throughout all of this, I almost felt ashamed of it to a certain point.

All of this isn't to say I didn't love the game itself. It wasn't all just context. I really, really love LISA. It drove me to sobbing tears, which I don't think another game has gotten out of me. It's a fantastic game, that really showed what fresh things you could do with the medium. When I played it I'm not sure I fully understood how much I loved games.

I just grew up with the characters of LISA. Maybe not in my adolescence, but definitely in my adulthood, and with my art. These characters help me orient myself, understand my limits. And it's damn fun to get better at drawing them. Even just a character on an empty blank canvas, with only black and white lines. It's the most fun in the whole world.

To finish it off, I have a general philosophy of not republishing drawings. So whenever I want to do a LISA post I have to draw a LISA post. Just keep drawing and drawing. Don't get hung up on one drawing or idolize one thing you did. Keep making things. It doesn't have to make sense. Just keep drawing.

(There was a power outage while writing this and I had to retype this whole damn post by the way. Appreciate it!)

[vampire-exgirlfriend]

So many people say they're being plagarised and offer no proof except all this hearsay. The one time I saw two people actually offer proof @selfproclaimedunicorn dismissed it as their writing and the accused were basically writing the same generic boring mid smut and weren't being plagarised at all or plagiarising. She says they were causing drama over generic expressions. The funny thing was the complainants fic was being recycled in a new fandom by the accused and nobody really took it seriously except a handful of their mutuals. It's you lot who create cliques and fear mongering and this idolatry worshipping writers with huge followings, in time creating your own worst enemies. People with clout somehow in the fandoms always act like corrupt cops. But it's people in the fandom who create it. I've never seen you reblog anyone's work except your friends. I've seen Natasha reblog different people and offer nice comments. But you and your friends don't. And Ange is .... I don't know. Will she be a bullet you dodged? She has a big following end she was part of a group who were unbelievably toxic until she changed (?) People are just awful in this fandom and you know it getting a taste of it yourself here and elsewhere. I've no doubt people whose OCs are overlooked and ignored or whose x readers are not read, their voices are silent and people steal from them voraciously and nobody cares. People friends with the bigger writers close ranks and shut everyone out and everyone else is scrabbling to fit in and be noticed. I can name on one hand writers who write for the fun and not attention or notes. I don't know you and I'm sorry you have suffered this but welcome to our world

honestly, i wasn't going to answer this because so much of it is just fucking stupid.

I know exactly what you're talking about re misa, and you tagged the wrong blog. it wasn't her that said that, it was @julyzaa - and you know what...she wasn't wrong. she was talking about two fics that shared a similar premise. and we both agreed that it wasn't plagiarism. it was just two authors who wrote an aemond smutty one shot with similar vibes. of which there are a million and one fics like that right now. there is an importance in being able to discern the difference.

and i'll just say it, this obsession of constantly bringing up Ange is weird. it's creepy at this point. you're welcome to dislike someone, but it's becoming glaringly obvious that there's individuals in fandom that want to blame an outside person instead of looking at themselves and the company they keep. in my time being Ange's friend, not once have I been bullied/harrassed/intimidated - not even in a joking way. the chatting never turns toxic and the only time we're talking about other people is when shit gets weird on the dash (like it is right now). that's just normal social interaction, babes. we spend most of our time discussing fic and the show and our real lives.

and frankly, i don't know where this idea of 'clique' came from or why it seems this is an accusation that's being thrown around - not just at myself but others. there's no clique. there's no secret club or burn book or whatever you think there is lurking out there where we're concerned. im so confused as to why it's an issue that friend groups crop up and people get close. that's the nature of being mutuals! it's weird to be angry at people for making friendships and taking those friendships offline.

this is my blog and i'm allowed to reblog what I want - as is everyone else. you don't have a solution for whole 'clique' conundrum you seem so concerned with, so I can only assume your answer would be for me to just reblog everything I see, in hopes that your work reaches an audience. and i'm not going to do that. i will reblog the stories and edits that speak to me, that inspire me, that i actually enjoyed. and i've become friends with a lot of those authors, sure. because i put in the effort to get to know them. i stopped posting on tumblr because I got no response when posting my fic. My audience is clearly elsewhere. But it's always 'will you reblog my stuff' but it's never reciprocated, so what's the point in supporting mutuals if the mutual relationship is gone? have you ever reached out to me? have you ever struck up a conversation or attempted to chat about something other than fic? no? then why do you have any expectations of me at all where your fic is concerned? maybe look that the relationships you have formed and you'll have your answer.

[ultfreakme]

"I'd burn down the world for you."

Jay laughs. That's an understatement, he cackles, chortles, folds over in his chair and nearly drops his tablet on the tile floor of his office. "What tiktoks are you watching?" he wipes his eyes.

Jon's neck heats. Even after over a year of dating, he keeps finding ways to stick his foot in his mouth. "What!" Jon raises his hands defensively. "I might!"

Jay levels him with a steady look. "You would not, be serious."

"I could," Jon tries again. "Like a little."

"Really convincing me here babe." He returns to his work, tapping away at an email meant for Daily Star, then switching to a secret personal project none of the Supers should know about (sans Jon and Nat).

Jon sits on the large table. Dark wood, covered in printouts, post-its, notes, and candy wrapper, he shuffles them back to make space for himself, not like he can make it worse. "I just wanted to try saying it. It's what everyone says, you know, even if they don't mean it."

Jay picks up his stylus, carefully scanning a document for The Truth. "Again, I don't know what tiktoks you're watching these days- or is it some anime? Are you watching crappy shojo anime?"

Jon grumbles. "I have excellent taste in shojo anime and you'd know if you at least tried to watch Monthly Nozaki-kun with me."

"Fine, fine I'll watch it," says Jay. "Point is, no one actually means it when they say they'd do dramatic and destructive acts of useless violence for someone."

"But they do," Jon insists. "There are people who'd put everything aside if something happens to their boyfriend. And I--I can't."

Setting the tab aside, Jay rolls his chair closer to Jon. "What really brought this on?" He looks up at him, warm, honey brown eyes, sharp with the focus of an interrogation. Jon resists the urge to lean down and cup his face. Where should he begin?

"I wish I could say stuff like that without thinking forever about, like, moral consequences and actual global devastation," says Jon. "Ivy would do it for Harley, and you know Harley would do it back. But I can't even say shit like that without some alert going off somewhere."

He does feel the urge, he felt it a million times with Bendix. The urge to just, end it. It would have been so easy, even if he knew it was wrong. The instincts battled but there was always a clear victor. He's seen The Aerie not give a second thought before dropping people from skyscraper-heights when someone got a hold of Wink. He didn't approve, he never will. But he wonders, sometimes, to let the power flow and not stop it.

He keeps thinking it; 'I'd let everything go to waste to keep you safe. You deserve the world, you deserve everything' to the point he feels sick and helpless with it. He would, but he can't.

"They also end up being apprehended by Batman for trying that shit. Threats of ending-the-world are bad."

"I know but-- just-- I feel like I'm not, fully here with you, for you. You know?" Like they're one side, he can say it all he wants but if things get messy, everyone would expect Superman to leave his boyfriend behind. He hopes to every higher force hearing to never put them in that position, but after Waller and Nia, he worries, he fears. All it takes is one person with a motive.

"I don't expect you to go nuts with your powers for me," Jay says easily, tracing circles on Jon's knee. "I'd actually fight you if you go 'I let the bad thing happen for you', like that's where it ends."

Jon bends down. "But what if I did it to keep you safe?"

"Same thing," Jay turns his chin up, their noses an inch away. "Lois told me once, you aren't just mine to keep. You've got a whole world, it's not just me in it that matters."

Sometimes, it feels like it's just Jay. But he is right, he knows the consequence of letting one person define fate of the world. He's seen it in the version of his father who did let the world burn in the name of his mom. She'd hate it, and so would Jay.

"I'll try my best not to let the world burn down for you?" Jon says.

Jay pecks a kiss on his cheek. "Getting warmer, I am totally seduced and charmed."

Jon places a quick press to his forehead and leans backs, kicking his feet. "So, what would you do?"

Stylus paused over the tablet, Jay watches ahead. "I'm not Superman."

Jon tilts his head and makes a questioning sound.

He chuckles and brings the tablet back to life, circling a sentence for a grammatical error. "I'm not for protecting anything and everything all the time," he says. "I've got to prioritize, and my priorities are based on what I care about."

Jon should probably discourage him and tell him no. No he can't just prioritize. No, he has to care about the rest of the universe too because superheroes, powers, responsibilities.

But it does feel nice to know someone would tear everything apart for him, selfish as it is. He wouldn't even hate Jay for it if he did it.

[daily-odile]

staring

[sohaoying]

unfinished business

[torgawl]

instead of just cross eyes and star eyes distinguishing dynasties in khaenri'ah, why do some khaenri'ahns cover one eye specifically? there’s many things that seem interconnected regarding the lore:

crimson moon turning around to look like an eye; irmin the one-eyed king; the unknown god’s cubes containing eyes in their design (same ones present in the cataclysm as well as the crimson moon), her glitching looking like arlecchino’s, and the four pointed star pattern that appeared when she showed up to the twins; forbidden knowledge and nibelung’s influence; fischl's auge der verurteilung aka eye of condemnation (crimson eye) and her skin's description "o holiest of sovereigns, high princess of immernachtreich (kingdom of evernight)!".

kaeya's note about the alberich saying "i saved this one memento from the fire 'father' made while he wasn’t paying attention. this was in violation of our principles. our clan's affairs should never be recorded" and "though we could not restore khaenri'ah to life, we of the alberich clan should lead lives as those who blaze like fire, rather than those who wallow in the embers [small piece of burning or glowing coal or wood in a dying fire]", father being in quotation marks and references to fire and ashes; the orphanage in khaenri'ah that wanted to house children from destroyed worlds and non-threats that leaked into the kingdom, in hopes of finding beings from beyond the sky who could transcend the gods; perinheri's first memory being transversing something like a chimney, filled with ash and being asked if he wasn't dead just for him to see the eye (crimson moon) and being told he was reborn; dust and the blood of of dragons (or dragon-like beings like durin and elynas) being connected to rhinedottir and the art of khemia; fire as rebirth and life but also, the balemoon blood specifically being connected to loss of memories and loss of memory being equivalent to death (not physical);  despite the orphanage never being able to find that transcendal person, it had many unusual individuals who became knights of the kingdom.

irmin as the first divine halberd (that once pierced the axis mundi [cosmic/world axis, world pillar, center of the world, world tree, etc.] and connected the nine worlds), the prinzessin der verurteilungas (fischl) as the last one; fischl and kaeya comparing themselves to one another and their parallels to irmin and odin; der ring des nibelungen, in which the dwarf (or nibelung) alberich creates a ring capable of controlling the world, using gold he stole from the rhinemaidens (or rheintöchter "rhine-daughters"). the conflict that arises over the ownership of this ring eventually leads to the destruction of the gods and their home, valhalla.

irminsul (irmin + sul) meaning great pillar and being a reference to the yggdrasil, the tree that supports the universe; the description of the item silver twig �� collected in the center of the world - talking about a sage that hanged himself upside down in the irminsul tree to gain knowledge of the runes and the cosmos, then going into a secret kingdom down its roots [also a reference to hanged man in tarot that symbolizes wisdom, divination, sacrifice, prophecy, etc.]; odin who hung himself upside down from the sacred world tree, yggdrasil, for nine days and nights sacrificing his eye and throwing himself on his spear (gungir) as a ritual sacrifice in order to obtain secret wisdom; memories, fire and crimson moon hand in hand with the irminsul, king irmin and the concept of fate; the fake sky, the stars and being able to see fate but also fate being a means of the heavenly principles to control the world (neuvillette calling it puppet strings); khaenri'ah, a supposed godless nation but the crimson moon dynasty revering the moon (and hilichurls worshiping istaroth); the crimson moon having an eye on humanity and always being present associated with punishment and destruction (fall of gurabad, remuria and the catclysm).

crimson moon's semblance (arlecchino’s weapon) implying the crimson moon sought vengeance (“few survived the utter destruction of their kind, hiding in the shadows where the sun did not shine, longing for the crimson moon to decree their desire for vengeance be repaid”); the design of the weapon and arlecchino’s boss attacks resembling the double helix present in deathly statuette material dropped by abyss heralds, abyss lectors and shadowy husks, which has a single red eye. it apparently whispers "see, my child. all that lies under the throne of heaven shall be destroyed by upheaval. the eternal peace of the pitch-dark void shall embrace us all.” as you gaze at it.

the abyss order being founded by chlothar alberich and pierro being the first harbinger; the "sinner" – the crystal in chains from the chasm, protected by an abyss herald - not being a god but still worshipped by the abyss order. the voice stating to chlothar and the traveler’s twin that he "[knows their] fate well" and urged them to become a "transcendent one" saying he would "shed a tear at the end of time... as i gaze back upon your life". he also imbued chlothar with the power of the abyss, which alleviated his worsening conditions. the “sinner” refered to chlothar as “dear creature”; dainsleif, pierro and kaeya being examples of khaenriahns who hide their right eye; dainsleif being called “bough keeper”, bough is a branch of a tree, but also his constellation being a snake ring like ouroboros – representing the eternal renewal cycle of life, death and rebirth; the loom of fate being an operation of the abyss order first encountered during "a herald without adherents" quest.

“the threads of your fate lie in my hands” a quote by fischl connecting to the weaves of fate; fischl stating that if she does not obtain the divine halberd “...this world and everything in it is going to burn in hellfire” (legend of the shattered halberd vol. ii). some other excerpts of the book also include: “but unbeknownst to him, this was the greatest cursed sword of all, that had once burned the entire world to cinders: laevatain [in norse mythology, a weapon crafted by loki and the only capable of defeating the cockerel viðofnir, inhabiting the top of yggdrasil], the sword had extinguished after the world was burned, but... it burned bright once more. ‘the whole world... destroyed again...’ weiyang [fischl] fell unconscious as she spoke” (vol. iv), and, "the world is beyond repair. it shall be born anew from the ashes of the last” (vol. vi); dainsleif saying “none will escape the flames. see for yourself” but also neuvillette’s character story including “the puppet strings glossed as "divine rules" would one day be burned away by the fires of judgment” when talking about constellations; burning away the old world, project stuzha by the fatui and the image of dottore burning the irminsul; nahida saying fontaine's prophecy was engraved in the irminsul, implying the tree also contains the history of the future; sibylla, a prophetess who guarded the irminsul in an ancient city located in what later became the high seas (referred to as abyssal depths). she sacrificed her life for the sake of creating phobos, remus' grand symphony, but her lack of a will ultimately caused the project to fail, as her vague desire to "grant happiness to all in the world who are called humans" caused phobos to attempt to satisfy everyone's desires — including destructive and selfish ones — and set remuria towards the course of its self-destruction (possibly tying concepts of will and fate together); thinking of dottore's plan, it would make sense to burn the tree that holds memories with a fire able to erase them (arlecchino's balemoon powers) so that the world can be born anew breaking away from the shackles of fate.

there’s also the improvisation kaeya does during the play in his hangouts. "do you believe in fate? if fate decreed your life was to end in tragedy, what would you do?". he then throws a prop and we interact, choosing if we would face our fate bravely or challenge it and rise above it. kaeya then goes on saying "then so must it be! yes, so must it be! i shall discard this intaglio and rid myself of the shackles of fate", "fate means to send the machinations of war to every corner of the land to fan the flames of conflict till they ungulf the entire world… fate would see my sword tainted with the blood of innocents, that the bright banner of my homeland might fly in every nation known to mankind. but i shall not bow to the will of fate i am no pawn in heaven’s plan. i, qubad, will spend the rest of my days in a foreign land, 'till i breathe my last in a place far from home" and finishes the play with "but i must walk this path, or freedom dies by my hand. goodbye, my tribe and kin. farewell, sweet land of my birth". the prop we get from kaeya, the intaglio, symbolizes the noble origins of prince qubad in the play and the blood-red jewel (blood, red... funny, uh?) is said to be a crystallization of the question kaeya asked us about destiny. furthermore, an intaglio can be a type of engraved gem or metal signet ring.

[mihhkael]

> Flower dance

[muffinrecord]

Not totally MR related but... I post on here about my depression sometimes, so why not?

I've been feeling a lot happier lately. It's nice.

[kaatiba]

i guess i should just accept that i am primarily a fanfiction writer. i've completed one (1) long-form original work in my whole life and it's increasingly feeling like a fluke. i've written two "collections" of prompt fills, which are very like fanfiction as you take someone else's idea and run off with it, but they're not short stories really, as they're not complete narratives, just expansions. fanfiction I can write quickly and easily and well and I almost always finish them. but I can't do the same with og work no matter how hard I try. And maybe that'll change in the future but I just feel like a failure and a fraud and a flop

[red-catmander]

the charr have some really cool things going on musically. it's sometimes a little hard to discern what goes where on the overworld map because stuff gets assigned to odd places to fulfil the need for battle themes, etc, but there are a few interesting things.

the charr starting instance has this music playing which is a good summation of the kind of things that follow the charr around, that is to say strings, brass and driving percussion. these things aren't unique to them, certainly, but if it sounds particularly warlike it's probably associated with the charr in the ost. if that melody seems very familiar, that's because it is, it shows up again in charr triumphant (you've probably heard it during tequatl). there are a lot of songs associated with the charr and it's worth skipping around the og ost for them. that low, kind of oppressive music you hear in the citadel is actually smodur's theme. again, low horns, sweeping strings, heavy percussion but like way off in the distance. industrial sounding. all this to say that legion charr, specifically, have a really distinct sound to them. but these songs are from when the game initially launched and things change, as everything does, in time

in the beginning of season five, they make a point to reinforce these elements and how they're specific to charr. the grothmar songs are full of these things to really hammer it home. you probably don't notice you're making the association.

when the frost legion arrives, it takes all your associations and breaks them over its knee. it's like charr music times 1000%. to hammer home just how freakish and unnatural they are, electronic synths get introduced, as does the shrill, horror movie strings you hear in bjora marches. as you creep further and further down the soundtrack the charr elements eventually melt into a kind of indistinct mess. this is a charr theme that has completely forgotten how to do its job, it's slurry, slush, core components running and bumping into each other and never getting anywhere because jormag has completely subsumed their legion. about five minutes in horns briefly trill like it might get started and it never does. why would it? they're not charr anymore

[strange-creature-222]

"I could drink your blood if you'd let my baby" no actually.

You can't. I won't let you.

if I did there's A chance that A. I might die and B. I might also become a vampire

And both of those would mean I have to give up garlic bread and other delicious things with garlic in them, and sorry man, I just can't

D

[keeps-ache]

HEY

[dragon-tamer-1]

I want to be able to reblog people's art without having to worry about people's negative reactions when it's someone that a majority of people don't like, is that so much to ask?

Why must it be a problem if I like someone's art even if the person believes in something others don't? Why must people treat people like they're bad for liking someone's art and writing when others don't like that person because of their beliefs?

I'm just hanging out and reblogging art and writing that I find enjoyable. In the end that's just what I'm doing when I reblog stuff. Enjoying it. If it's something I don't enjoy/like to see, I just block the tag or, if it's a specific blog that I decided that I didn't enjoy and don't want to see I block that blog as well. Otherwise just vibing. I don't hate anyone that doesn't like someone else of course, but the way people talk about that one person, it's like they think it's the worst possible thing for someone to enjoy that person's art and writing. I just can't hate someone based on that person's beliefs, it just goes against my own personal beliefs, and I can't help that I still enjoy those things.

I try to keep the drama and stuff off my blog cause I'm not about that. And it shouldn't be treated like some kind of crime to still enjoy someone's art/writing/etc just because other people don't like that person, in my opinion.

[byanyan]

laira schmitt, with love, always. / emily berry, the numbers game / p.d / unknown / cowboyvamp

[molabuddy]

↖ (you can probably guess why he is upset rightnow)