#I dont particularly enjoy having someone explain to me things I already know so if I seem a bit harsh that's why

[simply-ellas-stuff]

Submission by Anon: 

Scott conspired with Gerard Argent behind everyone’s back, told Gerard that Matt was the Kanima’s master (thus selling Matt and Jackson out to Gerard), and then tried – but failed – to murder Gerard using Derek’s body against his will. And Derek was never allowed to hold Scott accountable by Jeff Davis; just like Isaac was never allowed to react when Scott acted like a jealous asshole and repeatedly hit him because Isaac liked Allison, his ex girlfriend. Not to mention that Scott had zero problem working with Deucalion (who murdered Boyd, Erica and a shit tons of other people for power) to kill Josh and Tracy, just because it benefitted him. So Scott acting all morally superior and victim blaming Stiles for killing Donovan – a murderous wendigo who assaulted and actively tried to eat Stiles alive – in self defense is hypocrisy 101 and only proves Scott’s double standards. Not to mention that Stiles was the victim of Donovan’s brutal assault and of Theo’s blackmail: he’s not obligated to share his own traumas with Scott like Scott wanted and demanded. So Stiles choosing not to tell Scott about Donovan is both understandable and worthy of empathy. 

Just because Scott is a “true alpha”  it doesn’t mean that his friends have to obey him or let him condemn them for something they didn’t even do and that was not their fault. Scott chose to think Stiles was a cold blooded monster and serial killer based on his own prejudice and on Theo’s words alone; Scott fell for Theo’s cheap lies since the very beginning and let Theo fool him; Theo played Scott like a kazoo; Scott flat out lied to Kira’s face about her fox spirit. That’s Scott’s fault, not Stiles’ nor anyone else’s. Scott’s own actions and words proved Stiles and Theo right in the end, that’s why he had to beg his friends to give him another chance (even though Jeff Davis didn’t make Scott work all that hard to get them back to be honest. He just made them accept Scott back because Scott needs them.) 

Teen Wolf is an ensemble show. Stiles, Lydia, Allison, Derek and Kira are all lead and main characters in the series – Season 3B is entirely focused on Stiles and Void Stiles with Dylan O'Brien at its front and center, and it’s the highest rated and most critically acclaimed season of Teen Wolf. Their feelings and traumas are just as important as Scott’s. But some people (aka rabid Scott stans & apologists) keep acting like they aren’t and as if Scott’s butthurt is the only thing that matters for some reason – stooping as low as to blame other characters (mostly Stiles and Derek, the characters Scott/Posey stans have an obsessive hate boner for) for Scott’s own canon failures and shitty behaviour

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In response to the above submission sent to me: You could’ve just messaged me. This submission feels as if you’re (… for lack of a better word) attacking me for already being on your side with the fact that due to the writing Scott is painted as if he’s got the highest moral point. I have at no point ever said that Scott was completely infallible because of his “True Alpha” status. I have however said that a lot of his trauma gets dismissed often and I think it’s something that should be spoken about. Scott can be both True Alpha and have Trauma that needs to be discussed.

If you’d like to speak about Scott and the bad writing of the show and how that way trauma, justice/injustice and morality is handled in the show, I am open to the discussion. You will not however act as if I have implied or stated that Scott was allowed to do whatever the fuck he wanted because he was a true Alpha. I have openly stated that his actions about the shit Theo told him and then his reaction to Stiles after the Donavon situation was a dick move and complete bullshit.

And Dear writer, I’ll call you D, if you don’t mind; if you’re going to submit something to someone without speaking to them prior, you might want to make sure your email isn’t attached to your ‘anonymous" submission because I now have your email address and know you like BTS. Please be safe on the internet. So to the person who submitted this, Please contact me to discuss this show. Otherwise, Don’t submit things without logging out first. If you’d like me to delete this submission, please contact me. Thank you.

[trumpkinhotboy]

Chronic protective brother syndrome

Pairing: big brother!nick nelson x little sister!reader

Type: Request (thank you so much!!)

Warnings: Mention of fainting, having a chronic illness, but nothing too intense

Word count: 1900

Requests: Open! For Heartstopper, twilight wolfpack, chronicles of narnia and harry potter

A/n: honestly… i dont have much to say except that i love writing for requests and that big brother nick makes me weak in the knees. Hope you enjoy angels xxx

*gif is not mine

Summary: The reader has been living with diabetes her whole life. She's grown quite accustomed to it and manages it well with the help of her supportive family. Although sometimes, support can feel a little suffocating...

Through your 14 years of existence, you have grown quite accustomed to life with type 1 diabetes. As you grew up and became more conscious of what it meant to live with a chronic disease, you learned to accept and care for yourself quite well. 

Your mother, Sarah, was a real trooper and never let you down, always carrying you when you felt exhausted and done with your condition, which did happen more often than you care to admit. Luckily, you also had someone else in your corner: your older brother. 

Nick is known to be quite protective. Especially with the people he cares for. However, that aspect of his personality gained a new high when you were born, and your mother explained why you could never do everything just as he did. Of course, you would still be able to do most of them. You would simply need to be a little more careful. 

Sarah remembers very clearly the look in little Nick’s eyes when she explained why you were always sick. You were resting in bed after a substantial flare-up when his eyes welled up with tears. That's when he finally understood that there was something in your own body that would always try to fight and hurt itself. That’s also when he promised himself he would do everything to protect you. Your mum still tells that story with a few tears welling up in her eyes. 

Nick knew you could have a lot of complications from your disease. To avoid them, he always made sure you had everything you needed at all times. You usually didn't mind, seeing how your ADHD sometimes made it a little harder for you to remember to pack your stuff. Plus, the fatigue diabetes often fogged you with did not help in that department. 

The thing is you were now 14 years old, finally starting to make new friends and explore the jungle that is social life in high school. So when your 16-year-old brother comes over, and all your lady friends swoon over him, or worse, when he comes over to baby you, it gets a little irritating. Luckily, Nick was quite stubborn about that stuff and was not about to let you get hurt just because of the image you wanted to project.

That was until you made quite a scene in front of everyone.

You had been feeling particularly irritated and moody that day. So when you saw your brother walk over to you with a backup diabetes kit, which was his creation, you felt anger boil in your blood.

It did not help to hear some nasty year 10 make jokes from a picnic table near your friends and you. "Oh, would you look at that? Diabetes Nelson still needs her big brother to bring her her little drugs. I don't understand how someone like him could be related to her."

It was stupid. It wasn't even a good insult. Plus, the people who kept making comments were not something to be impressed with. Still, you couldn't help the shame from creeping on your cheeks.

So this time, when your big brother came to check on you and offered you your safety pouch, you refused.

"I already have the normal one. I don't need this one."

"I know, but I don't think you've put the new insulin shots in. I brought you the safety one just in case."

The snickers you heard from the people behind had you gritting your teeth. You couldn't understand their exact words, but you knew it wasn't positive. 

"Don't you have anything better to do than watch over me all day?" you hissed. "I'm not stupid Nick."

Your diabetes also made you prone to mood swings, mostly when your blood sugar levels were too high or low. That's why Nick usually did not make a big deal out of these outbursts, but this time felt different. Hurt flashed in his eyes, and briefly, you regretted the words.

"I never said that. I just want to make sure you have everything you need. You know the risks." His tone was soft, his gaze focused on you. He tried as much as he could not to make a big deal out of this, but your reaction had the exact opposite effect. He knew how the fear of being judged could make a person act in such a terrible way. 

"I don't need you to remind me how weak and useless my body is, okay? I'm the one living with diabetes, Nick. Not you." You whispered angrily.

You grabbed your bag and left him planted there without looking back. Nick and you were usually like two peas in a pod, and to leave him there hurt much more than you would care to admit. 

You got back in class, trying to act normal, but after an hour in, you felt queasy and feeble. You had indulged in some sweets some friends offered after your altercation with Nick, brushing off the risk with your ongoing anger. Subtly, you pricked your finger and couldn't help your eyes from growing two sizes when you saw the little numbers your tracker presented. You were in hyperglycemia and urgently needed to get a shot of insulin. Swiftly, you asked to be excused from the class and headed for the bathroom. The walls seemed to shake around you, and your vision kept warping up. Cursing yourself for being this dumb, you opened your bag with shaking hands, searching for your shots.

"Shit."

There was only one thing worse than fighting with Nick, and it was when you realized he had been right. You mumbled under your breath, trying to stay calm and figure out a quick solution because this was becoming urgent, and you needed the care right now. Calling Nick would do no good since he was at Truham anyway. You decided to head back to class to ask for your teacher's help, but once you tried climbing the stairs, a thousand little dots started dancing around. You were able to mutter an 'I feel kinda dizzy' before everything turned black.

You awoke to a commotion. Distorted sounds and everything around you moved too fast to register. Someone was holding your hand while you felt a pinch in your arm. 

"It's okay, it's okay Y/n. You're going to be okay. I'm here."

You knew that voice. You lifted your gaze with an effort and only saw a flash of red hair before darkness swallowed you once more.

This time, when you woke up, everything was silent and peaceful. You were lying in a bed, a hospital bed, with an IV drip set up in your arm. Nick was resting in the chair next to you, his worried eyes set on his phone as he quickly typed.

"Hey," you croaked. 

His head whipped up in surprise when he heard your voice. He immediately dropped his phone to come by your side. His hand flew to your forehead. The coolness of it felt incredibly refreshing as you leaned into the touch.

"Hey, kid," he whispered. He tried putting a smile on his face, but it couldn't hide the worry he was truly feeling.

"So, I'm guessing I fainted? And someone found me? And they panicked ?"

"Panicked is an understatement."

He explained that Imogen found you at the bottom of the stairs. She didn't know whether you had fallen from them or just fainted at the bottom, so she immediately called for help and texted him.

"I ran to Higgs faster than Charlie ever could," he added with a smirk, his joke stealing a chuckle from your chest.

"I'm sorry for causing such a commotion. I should wear a bracelet that says fainting is normal for me so people won't worry."

His gaze hardened at your comment. "Fainting is not normal for you. It's a bad sign, and you know it."

You sheepishly dropped your gaze. Okay, he wasn't ready to make jokes about it yet. Charlie would have laughed, you secretly thought.

"I don't understand why you pulled that crap. I just wanted to help you." 

You lay back in bed with a sigh and covered your eyes with your forearm. You did know Nick only wanted to help, but still. His kind gestures irritated you so much sometimes.

"It's already hard enough to be the sick kid. That was my only thing when I was in middle school. I thought now I could step away from it, that I could be someone else. Be known for other things than my messed up immune system." 

You noticed Nick's expression softened once you uncovered your eyes. 

"And I know you want to help and trust me, I appreciate it. It's just that sometimes it feels like you don't believe in me. Like you don't think I'm capable of doing stuff. Instead of helping me become stronger, you keep worrying me with your horror scenarios."

It was now Nick's turn to look all sheepish and guilty. You might have been right in saying he tended to get a little paranoid when you wanted to try new things. He only thought about protecting you. He never realized the effect it would have on your self-esteem. 

"I'm tired of being afraid. I've looked it up, and there are so many people with diabetes who are doing amazing things. I can stay healthy and still be a badass kid who tries new stuff."

He looked up, his eyes holding so much uncertainty and fear. Though through it all, love was the strongest thing in his gaze. He grabbed your hand once again with a tight smile.

"I hear you, I'm sorry. I never thought it would make you feel like this, or else I wouldn't have done it."

"Nick." You gave him a knowing look.

"Okay, okay. I might have still done it, but only because you're my baby sister, and I want you to be healthy and have a long, long life, okay?"

You nodded while tightening your grip on his hand. 

"I promise I will be less overbearing, and I will support you in whatever new thing you want to try."

"Thanks, Nick, and for school, could you maybe not come and do your big brother number in front of all my friends? I appreciate the gesture, but I'm over dealing with the dumbasses." 

He sighed heavily but still agreed to your request. "About that, just a piece of advice. I've learned that sometimes the thing we are afraid will show our weakness or vulnerability only does when we allow it to. Once you reclaim your power and own it, it all switches around. Anyone who has something to say about it will suddenly disappear, or you won't care what they have to say anymore."

You nodded sheepishly. You honestly didn't care about your diabetes. I mean, it could be a gigantic pain, and you would have to be careful for the rest of your life. But all in all, you were pretty lucky. You had your condition mostly under control when you weren't a sassy dumbass, and you had the best support system someone could wish for. 

"Look at me. You're going to be okay kiddo." Your brother squeezed your hand tighter in a reassuring motion. 

You lifted your head to meet his supportive gaze and smiled in return. Yes, you would be okay.

[rabit333n]

awkward ||

matt sturniolo🫶

CW - none i dont think ??? kissing i guess. its mostly just fluff (i think im using that word right?). it might be corny.

this is my first time publishing any of my writing !!!!! PLEASE be nice to me. :)

summary - matts been your best friend since middle school. when on a drive late one night something accidental turns into the both of you kissing. reader is the pink text, matt is the blue text. :3

based off this song !

you and matt had been best friends for as long as you remembered -- well, as long as things actually started to matter to you. you moved to matts school in the 7th grade, you were thirteen years old at the time.

it was a fresh start, something new, you had gone to the same place your entire life, so to say you were anxious on your first day was an understatement.

in your first period, you got sat next to a quiet boy. at the time, you were grateful he wasnt immature and disrespectful like most of the boys your age you had met.

you tried your hardest to mind your business and focus on the review from what they were taught the previous year, but your nervs and your lack of understanding got in the way.

after about 5 minutes of visible frustration, the boy beside you took notice of your expression and offered to help

-- "hi, i dont mean to bother you, but i noticed you seem a bit confused ? do you mind if i help you?"

your cheeks flush a light pink out of embarassment, not realizing how obvious it was that you had no idea what you were doing.

-- "yeah, actually, if you want to.. they didnt cover this at my old school so i just.."

you shrug awkwardly and lean back a bit as he reassures you and begins explaining.

-- "dont feel bad though, none of this will matter when we get out of school, yaknow?"

his eyes shift from the paper on the table in front of you both onto your eyes

-- "im matt, by the way."

he mentions his name before quickly leaning away from you, he hadnt realized how close he got to you when explaining.

you nod and smile softly, happy to have had a nice interaction with someone -- specifically a boy, not in a romantic way, really just in the sense that its rare to find a boy your age whos atleast a little bit emotionally mature.

-- "im y/n. thanks for the help, by the way, i really needed it. i had no idea what i was doing"

you mutter with a slight nervous giggle. you and matt soon became close friends, talking everyday in and out of class. he introduced you to his triplet brothers, and his friendgroup. while you didnt fit in with his friends as much as you'd like to, you were grateful you had people to talk to. since then, as the dynamic between you both grew, you became inseperable.

☆☆☆☆

its been 7 years since then, and you and matt are the closest youve ever been. matt knows you better than you know yourself. you cant hide from him the way you hide from yourself.

you currently, though, were on a drive with him. your favorite thing to do was to go on long drives and find some random parking lot to sit in with the windows down, listening to music, talking about random shit, learning about the very few things you both dont already know about the other. you sat in the parking lot of a convience store you didnt care to remember the name of, windows all the way down with the wind gently blowing through your hair.

you always got the aux cord when you rode with matt, he knows how important music is to you. even if he doesnt particularly like the music youre playing, he puts up with it because he enjoys seeing you get excited over certain songs.

"Use Once & Destroy" by Hole played softly through the speakers. matt had turned the radio down so it was easier for you both to focus on each other.

you had the visor down while you looked at your makeup in the mirror, wiping away the smudged eyeliner that had condensed beneath your lower lashes throughout the day.

-- "god, i fucking hate when my makeup does this.."

you mumble to yourself once theres a moment of silence between the two of you.

-- "it makes me look disheveled."

you complain quietly as you flip the visor back up, giving up on your goal of getting rid of the black residue underneath your waterline.

-- "i think you look pretty. i dunno, i dont think you look messy.. it makes you look real, it makes you look like you."

matt says sweetly as he studies you fixing your makeup, seemingly mesmerized by your dedication. you smile softly and tuck your hair behind your ears.

-- "thank you, matti."

you say sweetly to him, studying the look on his face. he turns away for a second as you lean over the center console, expecting to give him a peck on the cheek (..which, is something thats been accustomary in your friendship, its supposedly platonic)

until he turns his head back to face you, your lips landing onto his. you pull back quickly, your eyes growing as you cover your mouth.

his reaction similar to yours, his eyes growing before he starts profusely apologizing.

your cheeks heat up as your mind races, sifting through every thought youve had of moments like this before.

you knew you shouldnt think about your best friend in that position, but you couldnt help it. he was obviously very attractive, and you have always had some romantic feelings for him, whether you admitted it to yourself or not.

matt goes quiet, the awkward silence filling the space small space between you. both of your faces flushed red, studying each other subtly.

usually youd both brush off an interaction like this, but it was different this time. something about the situation maybe, or the subconcious emotions that created tension around you both.

-- "can i kiss you?"

he asks softly after a period of uncomfortable silence that slowly shaped itself into comfort, the way it always does with the two of you.

you nod slightly, the question adding to the absurdity of the moment.

as he leans forward, you mirror his motions until he places one hand on your jaw and the other on the back of your neck, gently intertwining fingers with your hair.

your lips lock and you place your hand on his forearm, the other on his shoulder as the two of you hold the kiss for about 3 seconds before pulling away.

you both stayed in the same position as you smiled widely, your cheeks pink while your eyes shifted away from his, flustered and happy that things werent weird like you thought they might be.

matt brushes your hair out of your face as a smile creeps onto his mouth when he sees the expression on your face.

-- "youre so fuckin beautiful, y/n."

[musashi]

1, 12, 30, 32, 42, 50 for the fic asks?

tysm!

What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

oooh thats hard and would depend on fandom too. maybe just chapter 1 of DTE? honestly i feel like DTE is me at my best i'd feel weird reccing anything else, but. its long x3

Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

nope! i've been the same forever.

Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

talked about this a little bit in a previous ask abt swallowtail :] but also, both my multichapters were WAY outside of my comfort zone. i did not think i had ONE complete multichapter in me, let alone TWO.

it just made me more cocky. i already genuinely believe i can do anything, but kicking so much ass at both of them really didn't help.

Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

one time i wrote a very short fic about franziska von karma snotting like a toddler all over her brother's fucking work desk while passionately denying that she was capable of catching a cold and @pictureswithboxes left me a review that said 'you made franziska von karma so gross in this fic' and i think to this day it's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. the fastest a comment has ever grown on me. idk how to explain this. idk how to explain why i loved it so much, its like

everyone compliments me on my tenderness. my caretaking. and its cool ig. but i don't think i'm good at writing that stuff, and it's not why i write sickfic. or like, it's not what i enjoy most about writing sickfic. my favourite part of writing sickfic is torture! obviously there has to be comfort or i dont enjoy the hurt, but i feel as though misery is what i write best. i am soooo good at writing low-level misery, itchy discomfort, little minute details. and i feel like most ppl focus on the other part. and im like, BUT DID YOU SEE THE MISERY?

and bailey's out here like yeah i saw it. if i was in that room w her i'd be spraying her with lysol. you made this hot lady a plague rat awesome job. one time this same mutual said something along the lines of "i wanna say i wanna eat this fic but i dont. its full of germs. im patting it gently, from far away, with gloves on, and disinfectant" ljsghsfhf

it's just nice to be seen for the craft i REALLY enjoy: giving hot girls messy headcolds. like yeah its cool that they get looked after. but did you see how disheveled i made them? <3

also just the complete lack of worry that i'd be offended by this comment, too. as i'm sure you all know i hate it when people are anxious/scared around me and try to butter me up with sweet/soft language. it makes me feel handled with kid gloves at best, and it makes me feel intimidating and scary at worst. having someone just boldly come into my comment box like "YOU MADE HER SO GROSS. THANK YOU" without a second thought about if i might find that phrasing indelicate, i was like oh my god please be my friend. i need to be friends with you or i'll die. speak my damn language some more i'm thriving. anyways this is now a bailey appreciation ask, sorry for party rocking.

not gonna answer 50 cause i dont do broad/nonspecific questions sghdfg

[genderqueer-karma]

little rant because i just feel Blah right now.

don’t read if you don’t feel like hearing about my drama and “mental anguish”.

y’all may or may not know this, but i came out to my parents about five years ago after a brief stint in the hospital. i wrote them letters. (because my father lived in another city at the time, i mailed his to him.) what you definitely know, or at least could figure out, is that they are incredibly christian and decidedly not pro-queer, even if they’ve never been outright violent in their bigotry.

i had conversations with both of them after they read the letters; most explaining how i felt and what was going on with me. it was vulnerable, honest, and a very dumb choice. naturally, both of them grilled me with questions, even after i’d laid my soul (at the time) bare.

suffice it to say, when i told them the name i wanted to go by at the time, neither of them agreed, and kept calling me my birth name and “she/her” without so much as a care. when i said i’d wanted a binder, they’d outright refused, so i took matters into my own hands and bought one (years later). it was a little gc2b one, the racerback kind that really looked like a sports bra.

i felt accomplished to have that thing when it had arrived, like i was finally taking a step towards enjoying my life. the only problem? it was too small. i had to send it back.

i’d tried, but my mother intercepted it (i was trying to use a previously used envelope, which apparently was a bad call. granted, i was really young at the time and didn’t know you couldn’t do that.)

she figured out i got one of those “flat bra things” because i’d (mistakenly) drawn her a picture of one in my letter, believing that she’d kindly help me get one. when the replacement one arrived, i had to immediately surrender it to her, and i never saw it again. i miss it every day.

fast forward to the present day. yesterday, in fact. i bit the bullet and recently got a replacement for my long lost binder (that i’m 100% sure was thrown away) but got it sent to a friend’s house this time. i found out it was delivered saturday while i was out of town. i haven’t gone to get it yet.

yesterday night, around 11, i was made aware of the fact that someone i grew up with changed their name to a more masculine one. now, they’ve been masc (in appearance) for a while, so i had no feelings about it except “good for them!” because that’s how i honestly feel. i’m glad they have the resources and (hopefully) support to do that.

but i can’t lie. another, uglier, feeling was settled deep in my spirit. how come they got all this support (not from my mom, who no doubt has already gone on several rants to her sisters and mother, despite the fact that they only know this person tangentially) when i was stuck having to sneak around and only be myself on the internet? i come people around them were at least marginally supportive, even if they didn’t have a complete understanding or just didn’t care? why am i not allowed to be independent?

and i know other people have it considerably worse, but this is right at my doorstep. to say that i wish i could be that person at this moment is an understatement. not even for the name change; just so i could feel what it was like to be able to express myself and explore my identity freely.

and obviously i dont know the whole story, it could be much worse for them behind the scenes. but that still doesn’t stop me from feeling bitter and envious. not particularly at them, but in a way that cuts back at me and everyone i know.

i’m 99% sure i was outed to family members, even though i expressly said i didn’t want that. but of course, nobody cares enough to treat me differently. so i live in mildly uncomfortable silence.

regardless. i’m happy for them. i am. but this is another in a long line of people who are honestly doing way better at the “growing up” thing than me. and it stings.

[fox-daddy]

Incorrect quotes/edited posts I've seen in a pm seymore video.

But not as the arcana characters but as Arcadia fallen characters.

I know the player character has a name but I refuse to refer to them as anything other than player character. I also threw in my oc once in a while because why not.

~~~

Player character: pins an image of a galaxy on the notice board saying 'all my best fights happen here' as a joke*

Ann's writing underneath it: that isn't even our galaxy. Who, let alone how are you fight out there?

Michael's handwriting underneth: wouldn't you like to know?

~~~

My oc Hunter specifically @ Elizabeth in a joking tone: 'show your awnser' and 'explain how you got your awnser' and any other similar thing are the worst! Dont make me explain myself! I dont know! You taught me how to do this, you should already know.

~~~

Mime: I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy

Vil the character I made purely to be a jerk: I would. Pussy

Michael: I'm not going to sink to their level

Vil: I will. Coward

Victoria: I'm the bigger person

Vil: I'm 150cm tall. Give me the knife.

~~~

Ann: please retire the 'we are made from stardust' phrase. I'm so tired of it.

Michael: stars are made of flesh

Ann: I've changed my mind go back to the orignal phrase

~~~

Player character: just learned about history. Appalled.

~~~

Player character: TONIGHT WE DRINK FROM THE POND!

Victoria: NO THE FUCK WE DON'T!

Mime:already drinking the pond water* wait we're not drinking from the pond?

~~~

Some villager: I want to decompose in a bog

Quinn: well you clearly dont know the first thing about bogs.

Player character: being in the bog is like the opposite of decomposition. Get pickled idiot.

Michael: 'Get pickled idiot?' You know I might actually try and remember that one

~~~

My oc Kyle trying to be a bard; I once bought four sausage rolls, but little did the chasher realize I actually had five in my bag. The universe of course tried to fix this imbalance by causing a tear in my bag causing me to drop a sausage roll, but not so easily defeated I eat it anyway. The universe's counterplay? I got food poisoning. Total equilibrium.

The sparrow who just wanted to sing about the sparrows in:

~~~

Michael: is it route or route?

Mime: is it caramel or caramel?

Player character: is it either or either?

Ann: is it read or read?

Victoria: I hate all of you right now

Kaidan: your language is weird

Michael: you don't seem content with this content

~~~

Ann: how smart are you?

Player character: I mean I'm an alchemist appreciate so- *about to say pretty smart but gets interrupted*

Ann: I'll go ask Quinn

Player character internally:

~~~

Player character: 'apprentice acts like it's a job' was a sentence I did not expect to find looking up reviews for the shop.

~~~

Player character: every word that starts with n should have a silent g infront of it. Gnorway, gnuclear, gnervous system and most importantly gnipples

Michael: at some point my brain decided based on the word knee that body parts starting with n should have a silent k infront. Particularly the word neck. So I disagree with gnipples whole heartedly and think it should be knipples

Player character: how about a compromise? Gn words and kn words get switched. So now it's gnowledge and gneecaps. But also knome and knosticism

Ann: the problem with that is that it doesn't account for the orignal dilemma which is gnipples vs knipples. I for one think it should be pnipples like pneumonia

Michael: okay but what about mnipples like 'mnemonic'

Mime: this is the kind of discourse I enjoy watching from this group

Michael: female presenting gkpmnipples

Victoria: what the fuck are you guys doing, trying to invent neo-french?

Player character: dont you mean, gkpmneo-french?

Victoria: no, I don't.

~~~ the only modern day ones because it was too funny to me not to add~~

Player character: imagine if all the talking mirror tropes came from someone seeing a time traveler talking to their smart phone?

Michael: siri, siri in my phone, how the fuck do I get home?

~~~

Player character: I can't find my headphones and target is closed, this is a nightmare

Mime: just put an ant in each ear and they will sing to you

Player character: not a half bad idea actually

Michael: I read that wrong and thought you were still in the target after closing time and your biggest concern was lack of music instead of the creature

Player character: t-the creature?!

~~~

Ann: let's face it even when the video game says press any button to start you still push the start button

Kaidan: I once knew someone who would push the z button and they still scare me

Player character: I press the X button

Michael: I once pushed the power button

Ann:... do I even need to ask why

Michael: It is one of the many buttons is it not?

[hyunubear]

Your description of the majority of men reactors 💀 Oh yes, catling benson is one of those I enjoy as well! I wasn't sure if you were referring to them because I still haven't watched their last video, but I had the feeling something was going on. I'm glad she's being transparent about how she feels.

I think reactors often happen to have particularly excited or dramatic reactions and get/feel pressured to have the same reaction to everything they watch, also to avoid toxic fans comments... I'm sorry (not sorry) but I blame young new kpop fans for this, especially those coming from twitter, where these reactors seem to find most (if not all) rude (or worse) comments. Of course not all of them are like this, I know and see so many that are not, they are respectful and behave in a more human and chill way, but there's a big portion that does, sadly.

Anyway. I'm all for reacting to a limited number of groups, if I were ever to do such thing, I would react to my favorites and occasionally others. However, I also realize that for many this is or becomes a job, and so the wider the public the better... About authenticity, for me it's quite fundamental otherwise I just feel like I'm wasting my time...

My fav reactors are (apart from the two i've already mentioned), the safe cave (they're also been pretty transparent with subscribers over time, took breaks when needed and made clear how and what they react to, definitely my number 1) and Lktv (he does bang his head lmao but I enjoy his reactions, he does comment a lot most of the time.)

Recently I saw a few reactions from millennial men and katriinka, a vocal coach. They seem good, at least from what I saw. I knew i forgot something 🤡 choreography! Idk why is so hard to find good dancers reactions... there's jeff avenue, there was a time he used to explain even more stuff and it was 👌👌👌 Musa is too much for me 💀 too much... I also find it exaggerated, also because it's like a standard for him to react that way. And when there's an important message behind he doesn't seem to catch it? I haven't watched all his videos, but some made me mad lol so I was like, "okay, enough, thank u next".

Exactly! Like it’s to be expected for someone who’s reacting to kpop for the first time to be blown away by pretty much everything bc kpop is just on a different level than western music videos, but after a while it becomes the norm and u have to start being real… otherwise whats the point?

Yeah i also think that toxic stans are a huge part of the problem but i think its time for ppl to stop tiptoeing around and trying to fit their content into a mold just to avoid toxic stans bc all that does is give them more power. (Obv its easy for me to sit here and say this but idk i feel like we need to just do our own thing until these toxic stans learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them and their faves)

Oooh ive seen kaia’s vids on search but i dont think ive ever checked any of them out! I’ll definitely give them a shot! And I actually watched lktv’s reaction to beautiful liar and as far as enthusiasm goes they were pretty decent but one thing that kind of gave me the ick was the random korean words they threw around (and the korean greeting) idk it just gave me koreaboo vibes kdkdkdk

I remember there was this one vocal coach reacts who had really long hair and he was pretty real. Like he clearly wasnt doing it to appease kpopies. Their main reaction content wasnt even kpop but i havent seen them around (tho i didnt look them up either) in ages. Yeah… im sorry jeff avenue’s reactions are boring too.

[deepthinker28]

My brain my biggest enemy

Oftentimes I have wondered what death is like or what happens after it? Wondering whether I will feel free or whether I'll just be shoved into another body and made to bear the burden of worldly emotions again. I knew my curiosity about this was not just curiosity but was something deeper than that. Why was I sickened by the idea that I would be brought into this world again. My brain and my thoughts have been my biggest enemy since i can think. It's what makes me embarrassed about myself, it's what makes me doubt myself and it's what makes me feel little. I don't know when this started so maybe that's why I don't know how to end it. The first step to overcoming every problem, I believe, is knowing there is a problem. Then why can't I overcome it? I know there is a problem but I can't explain it. Maybe I can't explain it because I'm afraid of what it means. It simply means I'm weak. People I love have repeatedly told me I'm a strong person, maybe that's what scares me, that I have already let myself down. I can't imagine letting someone else down. Or maybe I'm afraid of the worry I will cause or I'm afraid that they will forever change the way they see me. What if they dont like me? When I don't like myself can I really afford to have other people not like me as well? So I hide, I hide under sarcasm, anger and the tag of “introvert” but when in reality all I want to do is go home. “Home” what a wonderful word, it's the most beautiful word to me because it's my deepest desire. One might think home is where we reside, oh but it is so much more than that. So much more than words can describe but for me home is where my brain is quiet, it's where my anxieties are at rest. It's where I'm not hurt. It's where I'm not weak. It's where I'm not scared. More importantly, it's where I'm at ease and comfortable. I am yet to find a place like that. Ones who know me will say it's the 4 walls of my room, but while it provides temporary comfort it's not home. The word has acquired so much emotion and meaning in my life that I find myself saying a million times that I just want to go home. For me home is not a physical location, it's an emotional state. So sometimes when I mean home it means I want to go back to a moment in time when everything was okay. But the funny thing is I may say it a million times that I want to go home but I don't even know which moment that is. I often think about death. I wonder what I will miss the most, will I miss the warmth of my mother, the care of my father, the protection of my brother, the love and fun of my friends? In my dying moments what will be my biggest regret? That I didn't get to fulfil my ambitions? That I didn't get to give my loved ones everything I promised? Or how much people will cry at my loss. The last one I'm not particularly scared of. I have been a terrible person my whole life, why o why will someone cry over my demise? It's my brain you know, it makes me anxious and self conscious . If you look at my life I have no problems or worries , I have everything that someone would want, but like I said it's my brain you know it makes me irritable and moody and makes me hate myself. Why does it do it? I don't know. I cry and beg that I just want to enjoy life then why? Just why do you make me want to tear my body to shreds and just be done with this world? I can see and I know that life is good right now then why do you want to leave it? I knew my curiosity of death was a problem when it looked like a solution, a solution to problems I don’t have. My brain is my worst enemy. It makes me fight battles everyday that I don't have, I'm always in an inner struggle. It would be alot easier if I had someone to blame but the truth is it's just me, it's always me vs my brain. If you ever see me quiet it's because my brain is telling me you’re a terrible person. If you ever see me hide or not respond or simply gaze it's because my brain is telling me you’re a terrible person and everyone knows it. I want to care and I want to love and I want to help but I'm restricted and I feel constrained. Hurting comes more naturally because I know how to because my brain does it to me everyday. I hate when people compliment me cause my brain cannot accept it. It sees everything good as false and fleeting and in those moments it makes sure that I know that I am a terrible person and everyone knows it. I repeat a few phrases not because Im stupid but rather to stress the importance of what it means and its consequences. I stress them to shine an inner light into my being. How I ask? How does one fight and win with their own brain? At this point I'm terrified of it. If it's like this when things are good I can only imagine what it will be like when things are bad? I'm afraid it's going to kill me or worse, make me do it. I am constantly terrified of what the future holds because I know my brain in the moment of a problem, in a moment of fight or flight will make me choose flight and I'm even more terrified of what in that moment flight will mean. It's wrong to dismiss something saying “it's all in your head”, because it is, it is all in my head but when it's in your head how do you get it out? 

Home, what a beautiful word it is, I wish it was a physical place and not a moment in time so I could stay in it forever. Home the most beautiful word is out of my reach. Honest truth is this word is the only thing that keeps me going, the hope that someday i will find my home is what makes me want to live, it's what gives me the strength to fight against myself. Maybe that's where my curiosity for death began. It's the belief that people instil and things that people say when someone is gone “ oh he's gone to a better place and he's finally at peace”. Emotions and ups and downs that give life its meaning is where my brain asks me, ``Is this really what you want to do? Its my stupid brain you know, things that shouldnt hurt people hurt me 10 fold, and the things that hurt people well they are excruciating. I thought this feeling was something everyone felt but i highly doubt that someone unknowingly also hurting you would make you want to rip your own heart out and squeeze it till it stops beating, I hardly think that on a daily basis someone feels the need to just scream and scream till they can feel themselves slowly losing their voice and i hardly think that people want to just remove their brain and stomp on it repeatedly till it's nothing but a mush at the slightest feeling of pain. My brain, my biggest enemy, seems to taunt me everyday, for it has desires and ambitions and the capability. It hides its evilness towards me in front of others through this and keeps these feelings in the shadows. It's a conniving and smart enemy. I'll give it that. It gives me just enough desire to make me want to wake up but enough hate and worry that I regret ever having listened to it in the first place. If anyone ever reads this just know that I know when I hurt someone. I know when I come off as distant and rude or unhelpful. But what you don't know is that in those times my body is at my worst because it's my brain who has won in those moments. I want to help and I want to smile and I want to make others happy. I don't want to be shut off and irritable and selfish and you don't know how strongly I desire to do so but what can I do it's my brain that dictates my body, my brain my biggest enemy. 

But this is my attempt 

I give my brain the benefit of the doubt, for what it was or can become is based on the people around you. And the one thing it's managed to make me do and probably the only good thing it's ever done to me is give me a handful of people I can rely on. I believe it is inherently good, but it has its own demons, demons whose origin I may not know but who I am meant to defeat. My brain which is supposed to be my biggest gift and asset has been taken over, and out of my control, but it is mine in the end and abandoning it would be my biggest failure. Even if it screams flight I will fight, even if it means fighting against it. I am a small piece in this world, my brain an even smaller one so why should I let it win. I strive to believe it will come back to be a part of me cause it's only each other that we have, and winning will be its biggest failure. I'll admit I need help but maybe right now i dont have the courage to ask for it. Mainly because I don't know if anyone will even want to. But I want to survive, survive this feeling because I will miss, I will miss my mothers warmth, my fathers care, my brothers care and the love of my friends. And they are who can make a home for me, the most beautiful place in the world so for that desire I will stay and I will fight. I know this fight won't be easy, it's a fight against my own judgement, my own urges and impulses but it's a fight that's necessary. I tried giving into it but it only made things  more unbearable and it's making my body give up on me, I don't want to lose the only thing on my side. 

To find the silver lining in an extremely dark and disruptive cloud: it has  made me want to change my ambitions. My ambition in life now is not money or power or fame but rather to create this sense of home for every person around me. To be a home to people I love, when they think home I want to be the thing they imagine. It may seem unnatural of me to do this for the people who have known me but it's time they change their understanding of me. My quest for this home and to provide this home is going to be my biggest strength and I want to use it as

[neurotichousewife]

Do i quit my nursing degree?

I've already had a year out. About to start my first placement after coming back. And i had a full on breakdown and have ended up calling in sick because i couldnt convince myself to leave the house and go.

Ive worked in care for 9 years. Was a young carer before that. I worked as a paid student nurse at the begining of the pandemic and a carer in elderly care in the later stages. God i am so tired. Staffings getting worse and worse and I'm burnt out from my care job. And honestly the thought of essays and lectures makes me want to throw myself out the window.

I told myself get through the last year of uni.

Then your qualified and fine.

But ive spent my year out working in care. And i dont think i can do it any more.

There are different types of nursing.

But the thought of going back to placements i enjoyed makes me want to cry. And i didnt even realise that untill i wrote it down.

How would i cope if im qualified ?

If someone said hey tommorow your qualified working full time on this ward, would i take it ?

God i dont know. Honestly at this point probs not. Again the thought makes me want to cry .

I feel sad and disapointed in myself for not being strong enough.

For wasting the skills ive been taught. For 3 years of work. And the thing is, i was an ok student nurse. So isn't it kinda my duty to finish the degree and be a nurse ?

I used to be so excited about uni and nursing.

I nearly dropped out in my first year, but it drew me back in and i figured it would get better. And the next placement i found intresting and cool. But i still struggled though it. I still was incredibly stressed, tired and had panic attacks. I was intrested in the area it was in and it linked back to my last degree. But so do so many things.

And again. If i could work on that ward tommorow as a nurse ? No. I honestly just dont want to and i cant quiet explain why. It sounds childish. I dont want to. But it is what it is.

i have so many health problems. I kept collapsing. That's why i took a year out in the first place. I am alot better but i may still faint occasionally.

My mental health varies. But is heavily dependent on my enviroment. And honestly at work right now, my mental health is worryingly bad. I highly doubt its gonna magically get better. Particularly if i push myself to stay.

Its a long rant into the void. But its helped my brain vaguelly sort its shit out atleast

[introvert--weeb]

Hello! I dont know if you still do requests, but ill ask just in case.

Can I ask for a tokyo revengers x gn! Reader? (pLEASE MAKE IT PLATONIC)

So basically, reader is this fearless, calm person. Reader isnt particularly strong or sporty nor are they good academically(is thag how u spell it)

Prompt : Reader is Mikey's and Baji's childhood friend.

Reader meets them again in coincidence and tries to cactch up and feels inferior due to their somewhat success? And then reader meets the other members.

Also bonus if mikey and baji is lowkey scared of reader

ALSO BONUS BONUS IF THE OTHER MEMBERS SEES MIKEY AND BAJI AFRAID OF READER

Thank you :]]

Hey!

Of course I can do this!! I love the idea!

Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy the end product! Also, I'm so sorry for how long it's taken me to get this out! 😭❤️

--

Mikey, Baji with childhood friend!reader (ft. Toman Captains, Vice Captains)

TW: mentions of feeling inferior, friendly violence (boys getting kicked)

--

There had always been a third. Every great group consisted of a trio, mainly two boys and a girl. And this was no exception.

When Mikey and Baji were young, learning at the Sano Dojo together, they had met a girl. This girl was decent at karate but not on their level. What had started out as teasing the small girl had quickly developed into a friendship. You were the one needed to reign these two boys back in.

You were not known for being strong like Mikey and Baji, and you weren't particularly academically smart. In fact, a word that would best describe you was average. You didn't excel in any area except maybe some people would call you cute. But you feared nothing, not even a fight against someone twice your size. You faced every challenge in your life with a calm mind and calmer attitude.

All throughout your childhood, you would follow the two boys around and cause chaos that only children could get away with. But eventually, you had stopped attending the Dojo. Next thing you knew, you were in middle school and had lost contact with the duo. It was heartbreaking when you thought about it. You were all so close but time had taken its toll on that friendship.

Years had passed since you had seen the two boys. In no time, you were a 3rd year at Mizo Middle and deciding what you wanted for your future. It was too early to come to a decision in your mind but your parents had insisted that the earlier you decided, the better.

School had ended and you were already planning on hanging out at the riverbank to clear your mind. After all, it was a Friday and your homework could wait for now. The walk to the destination was calm enough, having parted from your friends half way due to differing destinations.

Once you had reached the grassy bank, you threw your bag and settled yourself besides it, paying little to no attention to what was happening around you. If you were, you may have noticed a familiar pair of boys relaxing a little way from where you flopped down.

Mikey had noticed you first, asking his friend if he thought you looked familiar. Sure, it had been a couple years but you hadn't changed that much. Your hair was still the same except a little longer, your eyes still held that childlike wonder in them although it had been dulled, and the way your body positioned itself was the exact same. Baji looked over as well and almost instantly knew it was you. The missing part of their trio.

"Hey! Y/N!" Why was someone calling your name? Feeling a. little irritated that your peace was being disturbed, you glared over in the direction of where the voice had come from. However, once you caught sight of two familiar boys, the glare softened and a small smile tugged at your lips. It was them.

Baji and Mikey stood to their feet and made their way over to where you sat, grins pulling at both of their faces. All of you spoke about what had happened over the years. How you were attending Mizo Middle and knew of Takamichi and his small group of friends. Baji explained how he had been held back a year due to his grades but had met a boy named Chifuyu through it. And Mikey explained how he created Toman, a biker gang that consisted of 50 loyal members.

You couldn't help but feel inferior while you listen to the boys explain their lives. They were spending their youth as it should be, having fun and surrounded by people they care about. While you were simply floating through life, taking everything as it comes.

The boys expressed their desire for you to meet the rest of Toman, wanting to introduce you back into their lives. After all, it would be good to have the trio together again.

Mikey had decided to meet everyone at the park the next day. He had taken your number at the river bank so he simply text you the details along with everyone else. Thank God it was a Saturday so you had no obligations to school and the like.

Since you were meeting new people, you decided to at least dress up a bit. So a pair of jeans, a nice t-shirt and sneakers was your go to. Casual yet didn't look like you just rolled out of bed. Once ready, you checked the message again to confirm the location and time within your own mind.

It didn't take you long to reach the park. In fact, you were 10 minutes early so you decided to play a game on your phone to pass the time.

"Waiting long, Y/N?" The familiar voice of Mikey snatched your attention away from the mobile game. Shutting the game and shoving the device back into your pocket, you looked up to find a small group of boys with Mikey and Baji front and center. Once they reached you, the introductions began.

As the day went on, you all decided to sit in the field to properly talk. You sat besides Baji and a boy you now knew as Chifuyu. It was all going great, the conversation was flowing with very little awkward moments. That was until Mikey and Baji had brought up on thing.

"I remember when Y/N couldn't even land a kick properly!" Baji laughed, memories of his childhood friendship coming to light to the group. Mikey chuckled, seeming to also remember.

You couldn't believe that the boys had just said that in front of their friends. Sure, you had a time where you couldn't kick properly but you were new to Karate and hadn't spent as much time as them two practicing. Your gaze turned to the culprits, face calm yet eyes giving a warning that they ignored.

"You want to see how well I can kick now, huh?"

Mikey and Baji couldn't help to feel scared of your calm words. They had forgotten how scary you could get when provoked, obviously omitting that from their fond memories of you. Their facial expressions changed from amused to fearful as their own gazes moved to your face.

In no time, you were chasing the pair as they ran away from you, threats about how you would 'give them firsthand experience at how good you could kick'. Mikey and Baji, although scared of you, couldn't stop the laughter as memories from the past filled their minds. It would always end up like this.

The rest of Toman couldn't believe how scared their leader and First Division Captain was of you. Mikey, the boy who would take on anyone, was scared of a girl that wasn't even part of the gang life? And Baji as well? Chifuyu was the first one to laugh, followed quickly by the rest.

Having proved your point finally, the trio joined back with the group. Draken and the others had taken to teasing the boys over being scared of a kick but they didn't know just how hard it was. Baji and Mikey were wary of what they said from that point on.

[adachys]

having some thoughts about the end of shineva 3+1 😄 I can’t put everything into words properly but i really enjoyed this movie. it may not ave been perfect but i loved a lot of things about it. i dont expect anyone to read this i just wanna dump my thoughts even if it’s unorganized. this is not really anything you should take seriously and i may or may not repeat things I already said in this but my memory is very bad and i like to reiterate things. this is also my first attempt at posting on tumblr. the song below is what i was listening to while writing this terribly long “analysis”? “infodump”? whatever this would be called

first, about asuka

this scene in particular really stood out to me because we finally know why asuka acts the way she acts. shinji saying “i liked you too” was also pretty powerful because it shows his growth and they finally both moved on and she got closure. the curse of eva is gone.

shes always been a loner. in the rebuilds particularly, she is aware she is a clone of the true asuka. she’s convinced herself she doesn’t need anybody to help her. her mom was distant and her dad never there. when kensuke takes her in after shinji nearly causes the third impact, she’s finally accepted and loved for the first time. kensuke is the father figure she never had. mari also truly loved her for who she was as well, calling her pet names like princess and your highness. i thought that was sweet. honestly i dont have much to say about asuka right now but i love her anyway.

shinji (this one is long)

it was very moving when shinji finally reconciled with gendo. he finds out his father was just like him. he was on the path to being like gendo but instead of constantly grieving over kaworus death, he snaps himself out of it and finally accepts the fact. unlike gendo who eternally grieves over yui and cost all of earth to suffer for it. he couldn’t love shinji because he didn’t know how. he was so hyper focused on yui that it blinded him from what was important. that was his escape. in the part before they fight in the imaginary world, shinji cant go near him because of gendos AT field. he was afraid of his own son. skipping ahead because there’s so much to talk about, shinji abolishes all evangelions after saying farewell to rei and is alone sitting at the beach, but this time the ocean is restored to blue. he reconciled with everyone (gendo, asuka, rei, and kaworu). but something (someone) is missing. the animation decomposes to sketches. then an evangelion comes out of the water. mari falls out, and says something along the lines of “i told you I’d come back for you” (i dont exactly remember what she said) but at that moment everything returns to color and full animation. she came back for him as she promised. considering she’s a rebuild exclusive character she is the only one shinji doesn’t reminisce with. she represents moving on from the past, going to a new future.

ok so now for my train scene analysis. i admit i was not a fan of mari at first because i saw her as an unnecessary fanservice character that served nothing to the plot. as i explained just above there is more to her than was initially shown, even if she didn’t have much screentime. the picture above was very sad to watch(in a good way) though, she grabs shinjis hand and leads him to a new world, without evangelion. my interpretation is that this happens right after the beach scene. shinji wakes in a bench at a train station after the curse is completely lifted and he is an adult as he should be. on the other side of the tracks there is the original cast. the train has always been significant in the original series and the rebuilds too. it was shinjis way of escapism, to run away in his mind. this time around everyone is outside of the train, most likely representing he’s not gonna run away anymore, he has no reason to. as i said above, he wakes up immediately after the beach scene. so mari comes in and takes off his DSS collar, the symbol of his duty of piloting an eva and the weight of his “sin”. she puts it in her pocket, and i feel like thats her acknowledging his trauma but still accepting him as a person. they exchange a few lines. mari is by nature, flirtatious, and I believe shinji reciprocating that shows his growth, really. he is more confident than he was (unlike in NGE where he is kind of a wimpy pushover). so anyways, mari reaches out her hand. right now, theyre still in the anti-verse, hence the characters who have left are only just across the tracks. he wouldn’t have met them without the circumstances of eva. but shinji has already said goodbye and gladly takes mari’s hand to the outside of the station, where there is now footage of anno’s hometown. the message to the audience is that the true end of evangelion has finally happened and it is totally behind anno himself. whether or not the audience will put evangelion behind them is up to them. I know i wont be over this series anytime soon… and since this ending is up to interpretation i also want to believe that in the new universe shinji crosses path with his old friends again…

to end this shinji segment he is actually one of my favorite characters in the series and i relate to him to some degree (embarrassing moment…)

now about rei ayanami

she was definitely my favorite in this movie. the way she learned human emotion and hard work… the way she tried to think for herself instead of only doing what she was told… learning names of emotions and finding out who she is, i was broken when rei exploded into LCL. the note she left for hikari, “good night good morning thank you good bye” was just 😔💔😢😂😭👍

when she realizes she is running out of time, she goes to shinji, who has yet to overcome his emotions at a place that was formerly NERV(if I remember correctly). she asks him if he has thought of a new name for her and he says “you’ll always be ayanami”. she is content with this answer. one of her final words are “i wanted to spend more time with the boy i loved”. this is shinji. earlier asuka told her the ayanami series is programmed to love the ikaris and want to take care of them. rei doesn’t mind this either. I will always love rei and she didn’t deserve any of this…

now about kaworu

he is easily one of the most misunderstood characters in evangelion. people see him as manipulative but in reality he is the opposite. he is the only one who told shinji he loved him. at first, when he fell in love with shinji, that was him falling in live with humanity. shinjis fragile nature and heart, as an alien kaworu knew nothing of human emotions. shinji helped him realize what they were. his sacrifice and taking on shinjis first DSS choker was proof of this. in the original TV series, kaworu does a similar sacrifice so shinji can save humanity, but thats something for another day…his character is emphasized in 3+1 as well and i will talk about it.

in his confrontation scene, shinji speaks to kaworu on the dream train. kaworu notices how shinji has changed and shinji says that he can handle pain and heartbreak now. he won’t cry anymore and let himself be weighed down by the past. the scene then cuts to the beach where they first met, with shinji saying he knows this is a significant place, even if doesn’t remember meeting him there for the first time. kaworu says he is just like shinji. shinji says then that means you’re like my father. that line confused me a bit, but then I realized kaworu and shinji parallels gendo and yui. kaworu went through time and time again to make sure shinji could be happy. like how gendo hoped to attain instrumentality and reunite with yui in a better world. (Honestly i have some events mixed up in the wrong order but that doesn’t change much) kaworu then says their names are in the book of life so they’ll keep on meeting again and again. kaji appears to talk to kaworu and says that kaworu wanted shinjis happiness so he could be happy. after talking for a bit, kaworu appears to shinji near their piano room and tells him he is sorry. he misunderstood his happiness. as a kawoshin shipper…. I am happy with this type of closure. kaworu learns that shinji doesn’t need to be dependent on him for them to love each other and that his own self fulfillment should come first before devoting himself to someone else. I’m coping so hard right now..!!

i think i wrote enough for now… i have a lot of thoughts and theres more i wanna say… but this should be fine.

[writingonsaturn]

Better Unsaid

a/n okay this has been all over the place!! it was originally going to be a blurb and darker and closer to smutty (so keep your eyes out for that??? lol), but then I made it softer and the concept got away from me and it got soooo much longer than expected lmao and i still dont love where it ended so maybe part 2?? i have the idea i just dont know lol 

summary: Reader is a princess and Anakin has been her guard during the most public season for the past two years (not the most logical thing but just go with it lol, it gets explained better in the fic) and after a near death experience the two are conveniently forced into a....

ONE BED TROPE ONE BED TROPE *cough cough* ONE BED TROPE WITH ONE PERSON HAVING TO WAKE UP THE OTHER BC THEYRE HAVING A NIGHTMARE,, :)))))))

  --

His smugness is the only thing about him I can consider ‘ugly’. And because I am so desperate to not have feeling for Anakin, the Jedi who has been assigned to protect me through coronation season (which lasts for most of winter), for the last two coronation seasons, I hold onto my distaste for that side of him. Which is why I suppress my laugh as he waits for my reaction with that confident smile. 

“Come on, that was funny.” 

Rolling my eyes, I let myself sit on my bed. I can’t tell if he’s actually funny or if my evening has been so boring that his sense of humor has started to become appealing to me due to comparison. In short, the suitor I was forced to spend an entire evening with lacked personality so much I’m starting to find Anakin funny.

“You’re much more entertaining than this evening’s suitor.” 

Anakin’s expression shifts slightly, his assured grin dropping slightly. “Another miss?” 

“You have no idea.” I relax slightly, taking a moment to be glad that I completed my father’s request and now I can just enjoy the time I have with Anakin. “I know my father’s desperate to make sure my marriage is useful for our people and that he worries about this selection process because he always thought my mother would be here to help, but sometimes I wish he wouldn’t rush it so much. It feels like all he wants me for is to marry me off in exchange of finance or weaponry or something diplomatic.” 

“You’re more than that.” His response is so soft I think I might have missed it if I needed it less. I curse myself for feeling so validated by him. His words shouldn’t mean anything to me. After all, he could easily just be saying that because agreeing with my father will just make me more unpleasant to be around. 

I smile politely while avoiding his eyes. I keep my hands on either side of me, fighting the urge to fidget. “Thank you, Anakin.” My words sound weak in my own ears, so I’m sure he notices my shift in mood. “I’m tired today, I think I’m going to go to bed early.” Normally, I’d be able to shrug off these kinds of things, but the beginning of Coronation Season makes me irritable. The anniversary of my mother’s death hits me harder each year. 

“Y/n.” My name comes out so velvety I can’t find it in myself to interrupt him. “You are more than someone meant to be used as some kind of royal currency, and I mean that as more than just a...friend.” 

I let his last word linger. We’ve tried so many titles that never seem to fit right. He’s the chosen one, one of the most powerful Jedi to exist, and the Jedi assigned to protect me each Coronation Season because that’s when my mother was assassinated. He’s my guard, but we’ve spent too many nights laughing together and talking about everything and anything. And I guess now he’s my friend, even though sometimes when he looks at me in a certain way or sits too close to me or reaches for my hand to guide me somewhere I can’t breathe right. 

“Anakin, you know I love when you’re here, even though sometimes you drive me insane. And I appreciate your kindness, but your words can’t change the truth. That’s how my father sees me and he’s not exactly wrong. I’m not a son, I haven’t been raised to lead an army or lead much, and--” 

“I’ve seen you in meeting after meeting, convention after convention. I’ve witnessed the way you handle real problems and I know how you care about your people. You’d make a great leader, you don’t need a husband to be valuable.” 

My chest swells, feelings I never let myself think about mixing with thoughts of Anakin that I’ve spent so long trying to avoid. “That settles it, you’re my favorite person.” 

He grins, the look warm enough to melt the odd lump in my throat. I fight down a smile as he steps forward. “And I wasn’t before?” 

“I take it back--your head’s big enough without the additional praise.” 

Rolling my eyes, I lean back slightly in order to recreate the distance he so easily destroyed. “And I thought you had finally warmed up to me, princess.” 

The use of my title makes me skeptical. The last time Anakin used it was when he was trying to ease me so that I’d walk around the palace garden so he had an excuse to do the same. It was beyond late and I was half asleep, but he had os much energy he was desperate and just needed to do one more thing. I felt bad that his schedule revolved so heavily around mine (and when he softens his eyes and says please, I’m left incapable of saying the word ‘no’) so I agreed. 

“What do you want?” 

Anakin dramatically clutches a hand over his heart. He throws his head back slightly as if he’s just taken a fatal blow. “When did you turn so cynical? I’ve been back for three days and I’m starting to believe you’re a different person now.” 

Yeah...he’s definitely getting ready to ask for something that’s more trouble than it’s worth. Then again, everything with him seems to be worth it in some capacity. Even if it’s just that one smile he gets when he’s truly content and doesn’t think anyone’s looking. 

“Mhm,” I mumble, still fighting a grin, “so you’re not going to ask me anything?” 

His lips part slightly as he exhales. I watch the way his eyes narrow at my victorious expression. “I don’t have anything to ask of you, but I do have a small request. A request so small you won’t have to do anything but say yes.”

Suspicious. Too easy. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“You just said I was your favorite person. Remember that.” 

I’m too tired for his coyness. I’d rather him make his ridiculous request now so that I can be in bed within the hour. Though I can’t pretend I don’t normally feel better after letting him drag me along on whatever ‘adventure’ he just needed to complete while also not letting me out of his sight. I used to tell him that I wouldn’t tell anyone if I wasn’t under supervision for an hour or two a day, but he dismissed the idea immediately. That’s been the cornerstone of everything. 

“What is it?” 

He sighs once, tilting his head slightly. The way his eyes soften tells me he’s already won at least half the battle. “They still haven’t caught the attempted--” Anakin pauses, something behind his eyes darkening. I know what he’s remembering. Last night, an assassin had gotten closer than they ever had. I had almost been shot in the garden, Anakin had barely pushed me to the ground in time. A fact he’s been beating himself up for since, especially considering that no one has been able to find my attempted killer yet. “They were so close to you. They were within palace limits and they disappeared like they never existed. Who’s to say they don’t work here and are waiting for the next moment you’re exposed? Who’s to say they aren’t here tonight, waiting for me to retire for the night?” 

I didn’t realize how my near death experience had been so personal to him. He, like everyone else, was beyond frantic after it happened. But my father put an end to verbal worry before it could truly begin. He said the best thing we could do was act like everything was fine as the assailant was searched for. Anakin hadn’t been particularly cheery after my father instructed the guards to focus their search on known enemies instead of prioritizing venting the staff closest to me. I comforted him as best as I could, but he didn’t feel like speaking about it and I had to worry about the suitor meeting my father wouldn’t let me cancel. 

“Anakin, you’re right next door to me.” I have to fight the urge to reach for him. “I was fine because of you, and I will be fine because of you.” 

He sighs once, his expression not easing. “And if the person is silent? The attacker could easily work in the palace, but no one wanted to direct the search inwards.” His words are more strained than I’ve ever heard them be. “I think it’d be smart for me to stay in here. I know you’ve refused having a guard stay in your room or outside your door, but...” Anakin sighs. “Your safety would be more assured.” 

Him staying in my room? The only line I’ve ever been allowed to draw, and I’m actually considering letting that go. If he seemed even slightly less sad, I wouldn’t even consider it. It’s not a good idea. I’m already too attached to him. “Anakin--” 

“I’d feel more assured.” 

Damn him. Stupid, extremely sweet Anakin who makes saying no to him impossible. I stretch my arm forward, letting my hand squeezes his forearm gently. “There’s no reason to not feel assured.” He doesn’t ease, the cloudiness behind his eyes remains stubborn. “You’re still worried.” No reaction, the haze that’s taken him isn’t letting go. “Fine--but tell no one or my father is going to take to posting guards at my door every night.” 

...I guess there are worse ways to spend a night. Which is kind of a problem since I’m trying to...enjoy Anakin less. Ugh, I even sound dumb in my head. “I promise, princess.” 

Ugh, he’s adorable. “You’re intolerable.” I stand from he foot of my bed and pull back the covers on my bed. He doesn’t reply, something dark still playing for him. I watch him move to face the door. Wait--is he doing what I think he’s doing? “No, you’re not going to stand there all night. You need sleep.” He has the audacity to give me an annoyed look. “I already didn’t want to do this so now you have to listen to my conditions.” 

He raises an eyebrow, his lips pressing together oddly. He’s trying to gauge something from my expression, perhaps he’s looking for buttons to press to get his way. I guess I look as stubborn as I feel because instead of arguing he just sits on the floor. What? I watch him cautiously, trying to figure out if this is some weird argument trick. 

“What are you doing?” 

“What you asked.”

And just like that I’ve put myself in a position that I will no doubt regret terribly the second common sense returns to me. There’s no way to deny that Anakin and I are closer than we probably should be. We’ve felt like friends first since the day we first met. I can’t think of any reason to not offer to let him sleep in my bed except those stupid budding feelings I refuse to label. 

It’s not like I actually like him. I can’t--I’m going to be married to some nobleman and he’s prohibited from ever forming attachments. I’m not even sure if we’re allowed to be friends. Having actual feelings for him would be so, so pointless. It would just lead to heartache and the ruining of the one genuine relationship I have. I’m just a tiny bit confused right now because he’s objectively really attractive and he’s always there for me. Always there to make a joke after a particularly rough meeting. Always there to offer me a supportive smile. Always there to humble me when I teeter on acting like my father. 

Anyone’s heart would flutter at that, so it doesn’t mean anything. And if it does, I need to squash any budding feelings now before I mess things up. Which is why I should keep him at arm’s length until I get it together. But is that fair to him? And what if doing that is making things worse? What if it’s just reinforcing the idea of having feelings? 

This is ridiculous. I’m going to get over this if it kills me. It’s just a bed and it’s only sleeping. I’m meant to be able to lead an entire union and I can’t sleep next to someone and act normal?” “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.” 

The second the words leave my mouth I regret it all. What’s wrong with me? Did I seriously think I’d be okay?

I hear his soft exhale, “I’ll be fine. I’ve slept in worse places than on your marble floor.” 

His voice sounds so weighted I can’t help but feel bad for not noticing that he’s still bothered. Whether he’s upset about his near miss or the fact that my father didn’t take his advice, I don’t know. But something’s wrong. The easy thing to do would be to just let him sleep it off. The smart thing to do would be to leave him alone until tomorrow. 

I think of all the times that I’ve been upset and Anakin had refused to let me go to sleep angry or sad or overwhelmed. “I know, but it’s really not a big deal. It’s not like we don’t know each other. I mean, last Coronation Season you buttoned me into more gowns than my handmaid. And I owe you for saving me from one of the worst suitors I’ve ever had.” 

“I’m starting to think we need to develop some kind of signal.” 

The tiny bit of lightness that’s returned to his voice makes all of my internal struggle feel worth it. “You always seem to know.” 

“That’s because when you’re reaching your limit, that one line appears between your eyebrows.”

I didn’t realize I had such a tell. I try to remember the way that the suitor drawled on and on about how amazing he was and how he couldn’t wait for the day he had a bride to bear his children and plan (tedious) social events. My hand moves to my forehead, trying to feel the crease Anakin mentioned. Can everyone tell when I’m growing tired? Am I that transparent? 

Anakin’s slight laugh steals my attention. He’s facing me again, his elbow holding his head up on the foot of my bed. “What are you doing?” 

“I don’t--I don’t think i get a crease between my eyebrows when I’m irritated.” 

I hear him stand. I don’t realize he’s approaching me until he’s so close I could touch him without even needing. to stretch. “No, when you’re irritated you raise your eyebrows slightly, because that’s when you’re at your most sarcastic.” 

“Really?” 

The corner of his mouth tugs upwards. “Just like that.” I force myself to keep my expression blank. “When you’re reaching your limit, your eyebrows crease here.” His finger taps the space between my brows so gently I almost don’t realize what he’s doing. “And when you’re trying not to laugh--which is often, because you refuse to admit that I’m funny--you press your lips together in a way that forms a dimple here.” The knuckle of his pointer finger brushes against the bottom of my cheek. 

I bite my tongue to fight the warmth spreading across my face. “I didn’t realize i was so transparent.”

“I can’t always tell what you’re thinking.” 

“I’ll take it.” Maybe if I was less tired, I’d argue a little more. “You know you’re not that difficult to read either.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, I can tell when you’re just being stubborn for the sake of it. I can see it in your eyes and you’re doing it right now.” 

His expression harshens slightly before softening. “Y/n--” 

“I’m not wrong.” 

He sighs once, stepping back. I watch him pace around my bed before taking a seat on the edge of my other side of the bed. “Are you happy now?” 

“Happy that I won? Absolutely.” 

Anakin halfheartedly glares at me. “Careful, add a crown and a robe that trails down a throne and I’d feel like I was speaking to your father.” 

“Careful, another side comment like that and I’ll ‘accidentally’ kick you off the bed in the middle of the night.” 

“Not if I kick you off the bed first.” 

I trace a thoughtless pattern on the fabric of my bedsheets. “What are you? Twelve?” 

“I’m older than you.” 

“Barely.” I continue the thoughtless pattern tracing as I fight the sleep from my eyes. “Your comebacks are usually more creative than that.” 

He exhales, relaxing slightly as he rests his back against a pillow. “I’m tired, like you claimed to be.” His eyes flutter slightly, a bit of his exhaustion showing. “Go to sleep.” 

I should. I’m too old to think I can put off a tomorrow I don’t want by just staying up. This is stupid. I’m too old to think I can put off the anniversary of my mother’s death by going to bed. She had been taken from us on castle grounds, killed by a revolutionist who viewed my mother as a class traitor. I still remember the way she slumped to the ground, her blood staining the snow beneath her. I remember the way the guards were so busy chasing her killer no one thought to keep me away from the body. 

“Y/n?” 

I scratch the back of my arm in hopes of banishing my thoughts. “Yes?” 

“You’re being quiet.” 

“You said to go to sleep, that tends to be a quiet thing.” 

I can feel his eyes on me. “Since when do you listen to me?” Not trusting myself to actually reply, I only offer him a hum of acknowledgement. “I know you’re not half asleep.” 

Folding my hands on my lap, I avoid his gaze. “It’s tomorrow.” 

I don’t know why I trust him to understand my vague response, but I do. His silence stretches over us like a thin blanket on a cold night. Maybe he doesn’t understand what I’m implying. I can always correct him tomorrow, when my eyelids are no longer as heavy as my heart. The more seconds that pass in total silence, the more I think that maybe he’s fallen asleep. 

I wouldn’t be surprised, Anakin has seemed tired recently, like some additional weight he won’t share with anyone has been thrust onto his shoulders. A small part of me rolls in guilt. I need to be a better friend, just because I’m suddenly a little too aware of him doesn’t mean I can shrug him off and ignore him. 

My hand almost flinches away from the feeling of something surprisingly warm touching my pinky. When I realize that it’s just Anakin and that the contact was probably accidental, I force myself to ease. It’s not like we’ve never touched before, I don’t understand why I’m making it weird. Sitting in my bed in the dark doesn’t change anything. His hand turns slightly, pressing into mine a little more assuredly. Biting my tongue, I turn my hand slightly, exposing my palm. And just like that, our fingers intertwine. 

“She would have been proud of you.” His voice comes out so low I barely register the words. 

The words shouldn’t mean much to me--he never knew my mother and has no way to know what she wanted me to be.--and yet I find comfort in them. I smile, turning my head towards him. “You didn’t even know her.” 

He rolls his eyes slightly, relaxing further before squeezing my hand once. “Who wouldn’t be proud of you? You’re kind and smart and decent to be around when you’re not telling me what to do.” 

My heart swells in my chest so much I’m surprised it doesn’t burst. Could he be cuter? “Yeah...now I’m sure you’re my favorite person.” 

“Now you’re sure?” 

The smugness in his voice has me rolling my eyes. “Don’t make me regret saying that.” 

“Maybe in the morning,” he says easily, “now go to sleep. There’s nothing worse than escorting you from meeting to meeting while you’re tired.” 

“I’m not that bad.” Even in this darkness, I can make out the way he raises an eyebrow. “Shut up--I’m going to sleep, but not because of you.” 

He lets out a slight huff. “You’re impossible.” 

The desire to respond to his comment is not enough for me to win the fight against the weight of my eyelids. The moment my eyes shut, I feel powerless to anything that isn’t sleep. I let myself fall into a weightless sleep, my only tether being the Anakin’s fingers around mine. 

--

A distant noise yanks me from my sleep. I’m too drowsy to do anything but register the sound. I hear another similar...whine? cry? I can’t tell and I’m too asleep to figure it out. I almost fall asleep again, but a third distressed sound keeps me from it. I wipe my eyes lazily with the back of my hand as I try to sit up. 

Squinting, I make out a figure on my bed. It takes me a moment to remember Anakin and how I fell asleep. Our hands are still together and no light is peering through my window so it can’t be that long since I fell asleep. Another disgruntled sound carries itself throughout the room. I shift slightly, leaning over Anakin cautiously. 

Golden brown curls are beginning to stick to his forehead and his eyebrows are drawn together sharply. He’s having a nightmare.  I shift even further forward before cautiously placing a hand on his shoulder before squeezing him gently. 

“Anakin,” I whisper, “it’s not--it’s not real.” His eyebrows draw together even more harshly. I shake him a little more stubbornly. “Anakin, wake up--you’re having a ni--”

 My forearm is grabbed so suddenly I barely register it before I feel my back shoved into my mattress. I blink twice. His dark eyes are frantic and the look on his face is far from the gentle, easygoing expression I’m used to. He’s breathing deeply, his chest rising and falling from above me. I swallow a slight panic and something I don’t understand as I try to keep my eyes on his face and my thoughts away from how close he is. Anakin pries his fingers from my forearm one by one until only his palm is touching me. 

“Y/n, I--” 

“It’s okay.” Honestly, I’m more worried about his uneven breathing than the way he grabbed me. I can’t imagine everything he’s been through or how justified his nightmares are. Anakin moves his hand away from me. I don’t sit up until he’s off of me and sitting with his back against my headboard. “It’s okay--I just--you were having a nightmare and I thought I should wake you.” He doesn’t react. I turn my body further, keeping my back straight. Anakin doesn’t move, and the longer he stays still, the more I feel like I should say something else. “Do you want talk about it? Or do--do you want to talk about something else? Or go to sleep? Or get some water? Or--” The far off look behind his eyes silences me. I scoot forward slightly. “You’re okay, Anakin, I promise.” 

His head turns at that, his eyes searching mine for something I don’t understand. “I thought...” He cuts himself off by swallowing once. 

I shift a little more, trying to find anything normal in his expression. “Thought what?” 

Anakin’s hand is on my arm so quickly I don’t even register his movement. I let his fingers press into my skin. He’s holding onto me like I’m a figment of a dream and he’s beginning to wake up. “I thought I’d failed.” He exhales, the sound heavy. “Failed you and that you’d--I  thought I had lost you.” 

A lump rises in my throat, thick and unmoving. Cautiously, I place my hand over the one still gripping my shoulder like a lifeline. “You didn’t. Nothing happened, it was just a dream.” 

His gaze falls to the ground before he repeats the last of my words. “Just a dream.” There’s a hollowness to his voice I don’t understand. 

I exhale, carefully running my thumb over his knuckles. “Yes.” He doesn’t say anything but his expression hardens again. I let us sit there like that for a long minute. “I promise.” 

“You can’t promise things like that.”

I sigh, unsure of where to go from here. “Bad dreams are only bad dreams.” He doesn’t reply. “I think you should try to get some more sleep.” 

Anakin is unresponsive. I shift back, but before I can transition from almost being on top of him to just sitting next to him, he pulls on my arm to keep in place. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.” 

“Nothing’s going to happen to me.” 

“You almost died today, y/n. I was right there and if I had been a second later--” 

“But you weren’t.” He doesn’t ease. “You were there and I was fine. Don’t torment yourself over what could have been. You’ll drive yourself crazy.” 

“If anything ever happened to y--” 

“It’s not going to,” I whisper, ignoring the way his hold on my arm tightens even further, “Especially this time a year when I have a pretty good gau--” 

He tilts his head slightly, eyebrows drawing together and a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Pretty good? Really?” 

“Someone needs to watch your ego, chosen one.” This time when he tries for a smile, the look has some strength behind it. Relief pools in my stomach. “Now get some sleep, tomorrow’s a busy day and when you’re sleepy you’re beyond irritable.”  

Anakin lets me pull away enough to lay down, but he doesn’t follow. Not for a long second. When he does, his movements are impossibly rigid. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as carefully as I can manage. 

“Y/n?” 

I regret turning my head immediately. I didn’t realize how close he was. It would take no effort from me to make our lips meet. Wait--why am I thinking of that? I’m not allowed to think of stuff like that...especially not about him. 

“Yes?”

He lets out a breath before moving his hand. I don’t understand his hesitation until I feel his hand cupping my cheek gently. “What if next time I’m not enough? What if next time I lose you because I’m not strong enough?” 

I never thought my death would be such a personal thing to him. Sure, I knew that we had some kind of bond, some kind of friendship, and that my death would bring sadness. But I never imagined I’d matter enough to him that thoughts of my death would be frightening enough to slip into his subconscious and become a thing of nightmares. 

“You are enough. Nothing is going to happen to me and if it does it’s not going to be because of you.” Anakin’s lips press together in a way that implies serious uncertainty. His thumb brushes across my cheek so unexpectedly I almost ask him what he’s doing. The intensity behind his eyes is enough to burn me. “Was your dream really that bad?” 

He lets out an uncertain breath as his eyebrows draw together. I don’t miss the way his jaw clenches. “It’s more than the dream. I...y/n, princess,” he tacts on, a hint of humor returning to him, “you’re more than a mission to me.” 

The admission is so soft I can’t help but smile. “I know, Anakin, we’re--” 

“You’re more than a friend to me.” I don’t know if my blood freezes in my veins or if my lungs don’t contract when they should or if my heart literally skips a beat, but I know something in me completely stops at his words. “I--” 

“Don’t say it.” I don’t know how I managed to cut him off so sharply and I’m a little disappointed when I do, but it’s the right thing to do. Thought of the code that’s so important to him have clouded half the immense shock and joy swelling in my chest. “What you’re trying to say...I um, I want to say the same.” I try to drop my gaze but he tilts my head up slightly with his hand. “But we shouldn’t, you know that.” 

"You want to us to pretend that nothing’s different? You want me to escort you from meetings with one suitor to the next every Coronation Season until you’re married off?” 

“No, I’m not saying that. The point is that I’m not saying anything.” His eyebrows draw together in uncertainty. “Isn’t it enough for now, for both of us to just know? If we say it...that could mean bad things for you. And I don’t want to be a bad thing for you.” 

“You could never be.”

It’d be so easy to believe him. To believe him and to let him say what I never imagined I’d be able to hear and damn the consequences of tomorrow. “Can we just refrain from verbally saying anything until you’re sure?” 

“I’m sure right now. I’ve been sure since the first time we ever walked in the garden together. The night after the first Coronation Ball I escorted you to.” 

I remember that night well. The way he hadn’t scolded me for needing air or taking off my uncomfortably high heels to walk in the grass. “If you mean it, you won’t say it yet. I refuse to get in the way of what you’re meant for.”

His thumb runs my cheek entirely, stopping at the corner of my mouth. “Are you capable of not disagreeing with me?” 

Rolling my eyes slightly, I place my hand over his. “Probably not.” 

Anakin exhales, his playful irritation clear in the sound. “You’re impossible when you’re tired.” 

“I am not tired.” 

“I can see the sleep in your eyes.” 

“I can see it in yours too.” 

He pauses, eyebrows drawn together cautiously. “I’ll go to sleep if you do.”

He must be more tired than I thought if he’s compromising with me so quickly. “Deal.” 

Neither of us close our eyes for a long second, we just watch each other with wide eyes. It still doesn’t feel like he’s eased, but he’s come back to me so much more than he was earlier. I’ll make sure to check how he’s feeling in the morning. The first morning after we’ve...I don’t know. 

I’m trying really hard not to get excited because anything that’s been not said could be taken back so easily. That’s the point--but it’s hard not to let my heart get ahead of my rationality. I’ll just take the good for what it is for now and tomorrow we can figure out the rest. Even though he’s not allowed to form attachments and my father really wants to marry me off to foreign royalty.

Tomorrow. This can begin to be solved tomorrow. My eyes shut and I let myself roll fully onto my back. The second I’m comfortably settled, I feel Anakin shift against the bed. I’m too tired to open my eyes until I feel a weight placed against my chest. 

I open my eyes on instinct, less surprised than I should be when I see Anakin’s head resting against my chest. Before I can speak, I feel his arm rest against my side. “Anakin,” I breathe, my hand moving to smooth his hair out of his face the way I’ve wanted to for so long. “What did we just talk about?” 

“You said not to say anything,” he mumbles comfortably, “I’m not saying anything.” ...It is kind of the ideal compromise. Especially since I’m too tired to find reason and he feels so warm. “I can feel you overthinking. Go back to smoothing my hair before I have to rise and stand at your door so that your handmaid comes to wake you. Something tells me she’d be glad for the excuse to get rid of me.” 

That might be the most dramatic thing I’ve ever heard him say. Selma is the most patient woman in the palace. “Selma would never report anything involving me, I can’t believe you don’t like her. She’s the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.”  

“She’s the one that doesn’t like me,” he says, “she always watches me like she’s trying to figure out if I’m planning on stealing you away.” 

Too tired to fight my smile, I go back to smoothing his hair out with my fingers. After a moment, he lets out an exhale that relaxes his entire body. “Goodnight, princess.” 

“Goodnight.” The word is barely a mumble as I feel sleep tug against me for the second time tonight. 

It’s strange, but my excitement doesn’t diminish my tiredness, it just makes the prospect of rest feel so much fuller. Safer. Because there’s so much to sort out and grieve but it’s okay, because we have the time and everything feels okay because Anakin is here, right beneath my fingertips. 

[rek1s-headband]

hello! First off, just wanna say your writing is amazing and gives me so much joy with how well you write the characters. Secondly, mayhaps a set of headcanons for poly!y/n with Langa and Reki or a cute date one shot?

➯ A/N: Hey! Thanks for the request, hope you enjoy:)

➯“Lady and the (two) tramps” poly date one-shot

➯ Characters: Reki Kyan x Langa Hasegawa x gn reader

i know it says “lady” and the 2 tramps but thats just cause yall act out a scene from the movie dw its still a gn reader

➯ Warnings: none:)

➯ Word count: 2K

You skipped down the stairs at the sound of someone enthusiastically knocking at your door. You could only assume it was Reki, he always picked you up before the two of you headed over to Langas, whose house was furthest out of you three. You flung the door open, grinning when you saw Reki smiling up at you from the doorstop. You let out a scream of delight, jumping into his arms as he responded with a laugh. You heard his skateboard skitter along your driveway when he dropped it, arms coming up to wrap around you as he spun you around.

“Hey sweetheart” you heard him muffle into the side of your neck as he held you close, and you could feel the smile on his lips. He slowly brought his head out, hair ruffled and a dopey grin on his face. You reached up to fix his hair, reciprocating his greeting with a smile of your own. You brought him around the side of your house to collect your skateboard and help him retrieve his from where it was cast on the floor. He reached out to offer his hand to you, bringing it up to kiss it when you accepted. “Shall we go?” He cocked his head to the side, smiling brightly when you nodded and stood onto your skateboard.

And so the two of you made your way to Langa’s, you shooting him a quick text to let him know you were on the way. You and Reki made light conversation as you skated along the roads of Okinawa, talking about where the three of you would go today. It was a Saturday, which usually meant it as date night for you three. What you did on your dates changed quite a bit, but according to Reki, Joe had some new recipies on his menu that he wanted to try, and he thought you and Langa might like them. Joe’s was a regular date spot, the three of you annoying the shit out of the poor man with your antics. You would stay there for hours, simply asking for water and breadsticks until he threatened to kick you out in an attempt to lengthen your visit. He would never actually kick the three of you out though, he loves you too much. You hope.

You picked up your board as you and Reki got to the front of Langa’s house, both of you knocking at the same time. You could hear his mother behind the door calling him excitedly, telling him his partners were at the door. You heard what sounded like Langa practically falling down his stairs, and you and Reki shared a look, both wondering just what was going on in the house. Based on Langa’s dishevelled demeanour as he stepped out the door, something of the sort had indeed happened. His expression quickly picked up when he saw the two of you waiting for him. He pulled the two of you into a hug, giving Reki a quick kiss on the cheek before turning around to press one to your forehead. And once again you were skating down the road, except this time it was all three of you, headed to Joe’s to stuff yourselves with his new meals.

The smell of Italian cuisine wafted through your nostrils as you took in the scenery around you. Joe’s was particularly packed today, but your booth was empty as usual, the three of you slipping into it while laughing at something Langa had said. After the first month or so of you going to Joe’s on Saturdays, he’d started reserving the booth for you to ensure you had somewhere to sit. You sat beside Langa while Reki slid into the other side of the booth. You’d swap who sat where every week, for example last week Langa and Reki sat on one side while you took the other. Joe made his way out of the kitchen, smiling when he saw the three of you sitting down. He made his way over to you, menus in one hand and a notepad in the other.

“I was wondering when you kids would finally show up! Thought you’d decided to ditch me this week.” The three of you laughed while he placed the menus down, looking at you expectedly. “so let me guess,” he pointed at you, “breadsticks?” You laughed while Reki shook his head, to which Joe gave him a puzzled look. “No? But its what you always seem to get. In a rush to leave today?” Langa flipped through the menu, pointing out a few things to you with one hand while the other snaked around your waist.

“Not today, were on a mission.” Reki explained while you slid down in your seat, stretching and getting comfy while Langa practically salivated over the menu. “We heard you’ve got some new stuff on the menu, and we wanted to make sure we had enough time to try it.” You and Langa nodded enthusiastically while Joe chuckled, checking his watch.

“Well you’re lucky you didn’t get here later, I have just enough time to whip up the new ones for you before I close up. So dont go getting too comfy, I’ll have to kick you out within the hour!” You smiled at Joe, sliding even further down into your seat and cuddling into Langa, exaggeratedly putting your arms around him as you batted your eyes as Joe.

“Oh dont worry, we wont get too comfy!” Langa played along, practically lying down in the booth with you as you faked being asleep. Reki giggled across from you, snapping a few pictures of the two of you. You shot into the booth beside him to look at the photos, horrified when you realized he had posted them on his story. You pouted as he pulled you into his side, giving you a quick kiss as he explained how cute the two of you looked. You slid back into Langa, both of you pretending to ignore Reki, laughing when he started whining about how he’d leave and make you two pay for everything yourselves.

When the food finally came, you all watched with wide eyes as four big plates were put in front of you: a new spaghetti and meatballs with “improved sauce”, a huge pizza littered with [whatever toppings you like], a lasagna dish with extra crispy cheese, and a big basket of garlic bread. Langa was practically foaming at the mouth beside you as you watched Reki immediately lunge for a slice of pizza. You turned around to thank Joe before grabbing your own fork and diving into the lasagna.

After the three of you had demolished the better of 2/3 of all the dishes, you grabbed the pate of meatballs, declaring you wanted to try something with them. “It’ll be cute! Come on” you begged as you set up your camera. The plan was to recreate the scene from The Lady and the Tramp, taking turns sharing a string of spaghetti before meeting in the middle. They eventually agreed, allowing you to hand them a string of spaghetti to put in their mouth.

First was Reki, who kept sucking too fast and pulling it out of your mouth, just eating it for himself. Eventually he got it right, pulling you into a sweet kiss in the middle of the table. You had to tap him to make him take away his hand he’d placed at the back of your head in an attempt to keep you there just a bit longer, worried that people were staring. He giggled, watching as Langa made his way to the other side of the table so you could properly film it. Reki gave him a quick kiss before Langa gently placed the spaghetti in his mouth. However, he kept laughing and had to replace it multiple times. Finally he stopped laughing long enough for you to meet him in the middle, giving him a soft kiss. When you broke away he was quickly getting up and coming back to your side, declaring it was him and Reki’s turn. They took the longest, Langa’s laughing and Reki’s speedy eating combining to create absolute chaos. When you finally had it filmed, you looked around to see the restaurant completely deserted, Joe yelling a muffled “Get out!” from the kitchen. You picked up your boards and ran out, leaving your money on the table and yelling a “Thanks!” In Joe’s general direction.

You skated along the road, stopping at a corner store to pick up some snacks for while the three of you were skating. Reki was playing music from his speaker as you talked, acting as background noise while you laughed together. Just as you had been picked up, you and Reki skated with Langa back to his house. His mom was already waiting for him at the door, waving at you excitedly when she saw the three of you come into view. You all went up to the door, giving her a hug and making small talk while you said goodbye to Langa for the night. After Reki said goodbye and walked over to talk to his mom, you wrapped your arms around his neck, planting a kiss on his cheek and holding him tight. He laughed, rubbing your back as he pulled away from the hug to run his hand through your hair and along your cheek, pulling you back in for one final kiss. You and Reki waited until they had both gone inside before skating off, headed for your house.

You hung around your door with Reki for a few minutes, not wanting to go inside and for the night to be over. Soon enough though, you were telling Reki he needed to head home, not wanting him to skate home by himself too late. He chuckled, pulling you close and resting his chin on your head. “Now what kind of boyfriend would I be if I couldn’t defend you and Langa? I’ll be fine sweetheart.” He pulled away to look at you, smiling down at you while he rubbed your face. You leaned into the touch, telling him you were still going to worry and he should head home regardless. He faked a pout before grinning, pulling you close and giving you another kiss, swaying you as your hand came up to mess with his hair. When you finally pulled away, you stayed in his arms for a little while before finally stepping closer to your door, letting go of his hand last as you opened it. You waved goodbye to Reki before blowing a kiss, which he caught, bringing his hand to his mouth.

Before you closed your door, Reki stood onto his board and began to make his way down your driveway. “Goodnight sweetheart!” He yelled as he looked behind at you, nearly falling off his board because he wasn’t looking at where he was going. You laughed, waving back.

“Goodnight my prince!” You could see him smile at the nickname from the end of your driveway, before finally pushing off. You closed the door when he left your sight, smiling to yourself as you made your way back to your room. You looked at the videos you took earlier that day, smiling when you heard Reki cheer in the background of you and Langa’s video. You sent them into the group chat the three of you had, laughing at the pictures Reki took of you and Langa and saving them to your phone.

Maybe the three of you might make a reappearance at Joe’s the following day. After all, the food was delicious, among other things..

[thefanficmonster]

Caught Red-handed

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing, Struggling with migraines 

Genre: Fluff, Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having suffered from migraines all their life, Y/N knows better than to give them much attention or let them hinder their work too much. However, their boyfriend is a lot more worried than they are and has taken it as his personal duty to ease their pain as much as he possibly can. 

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request, I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to get to it, write and post it, but here it finally is and I hope you come across it and read it! I’ve never experienced migraines nor have I known someone who has so if I’ve misrepresented or written any misinformation, anyone who catches it, feel free to let me know either in the comments or in my inbox/messages! Love, Vy ❤

The first time I got a headache was in the middle of math class in eighth grade. I remember it so distinctly because I had never before experienced such sudden and such intense pain. I got to go home early that day and spent a good portion of the day trying to sleep it off but to no avail.

Since then I’ve grown used to having to deal with a pain so strong it renders me unable to function for a whole day about two times a month. Sometimes, I even try to be stubborn with it - I try to push through as much work as I can despite the migraine, but that never works out for a long time considering it ends up crippling me in the end. That’s never kept me from trying over and over again though!

Now, to contrast my nonchalance and even annoyance with these pesky attacks, is my boyfriend Corpse’s concern over them. I’ve tried explaining to him that I’ve grown used to them and that I try not to let them bother me and that he shouldn’t stress over them so much but I may as well be talking to a wall because all he has to do is see me squint my eyes or cringe and he enters concerned-mother mode. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it to no end, I just don’t want him worrying over something so small. Also, a minor convenience: if the migraine doesn’t hinder me from tending to my tasks, Corpse will. He’ll make sure I’m off the task I’m working and transported into bed in an instant.

That’s why I’m now clenching my jaw, struggling to maintain a poker face as I work on an important project I have to send to my boss by the start of next week. I’ve got plenty of time, but I like to stay on top of my work so it doesn’t pile on top of me, you know what I’m saying. Corpse is sitting on the couch next to me, casually glancing at me every now and then while remaining quiet as to not disturb me. So far so good, he hasn’t noticed anything and, if I didn’t know any better I would sigh in relief. There’s nothing to trigger the pain to arise any further - the lights are dim, I’m staying hydrated, and I downed two painkillers in the bathroom about an hour and a half ago - so I’m sure I’ll be in the clear at least until dinner.

“Wanna watch a movie when you’re done?“ Corpse asks, “Unless you’re tired or anything...“

I flash him a grateful smile, giving his knee a squeeze of reassurance, “I’d love to, babe. But I can’t promise that I won’t fall asleep.”

He chuckles, “Yeah, I know you’ve got a tendency of doing that.” Giving me a side-glance he adds, “It’s cute.”

I roll my eyes, already sensing a blush creeping up on my cheeks and neck which I hide by turning to face my laptop screen. One thing I can’t hide though is the wide grin that’s spread across my face as I mutter: “Shut up.”

Just then, a particularly sharp jolt of pain courses through my head, testing that ability to maintain a resting face. Thankfully, Corpse is turned in the opposite direction, searching for his phone, so I allow myself a brief cringe at the discomfort. 

Guess the painkillers are dying down on me, I think to myself, a second away from sighing exasperatedly at the thought that I have to down two more. It was wishful of me to think I could enjoy the luxury of a dull ache until dinner, now the migraine is straight up mocking me.

I quietly stand up from the couch and make my way to the bathroom so I can take another dose of aspirin because I don’t think I’ll be able to focus on my work for very long if it keeps hitting me with this intensity. Opening the door to the small cabinet above the sink, I automatically reach out for the bottle of pills but stop when I see a surprise.

Directly in front of the bottle stands a note written in, you guessed it, Corpse’s handwriting.

‘Already losing effect, huh? When are you thinking of coming clean?‘

Well shoot, am I that transparent?

I sheepishly exit the bathroom, walking back into the living room where Corpse greets me with the same stance as a parent greeting their kid who’s gotten home past curfew: legs crossed, arms folded over his chest, one eyebrow raised, the whole nine yards.

“Yeah, they’re already losing effect.“ I admit, a small apologetic smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, my cheeks burning with an embarrassed blush. “And I wasn’t gonna tell you at all.” I hurry to add: “Please don’t be mad though.“

Corpse shifts slightly, his gaze giving me a onceover as he contemplates how to pursue the case. I’ve already got several arguments/defenses ready - the perks of working for a lawyer - but I know he’ll dismiss all of them no matter how strong they might come off as in court. Bottom line: even statements that would fly in court can’t fly with Corpse sometimes. Especially when my health and well-being are the topic of observation.

“What have we said about lying?“ He finally asks, causing me to cringe and ball my fists in guilt.

However, I still have my arguments ready: “You never asked me so I never technically lied.” One might say I have quite the audacity to plead not guilty right now, even though I’ve been caught red-handed, but what can I say, I’m stubborn in nature. And Corpse knows this, he’s just testing me for his own amusement.

“Poor excuse, Y/N.“ He says with disapproval, shaking his head and fully embracing his disappointed parent persona. “You’re lucky I’m feeling generous today. So, as punishment for hiding the truth from me, you are to ditch that project you’ve been bugging yourself over and come cuddle and watch a movie with me. Bonus points for you if you fall asleep.“

I needn’t be told twice - not only will it wipe that look off his features but it’ll also get earn me a movie night with the additional benefit of cuddling with my boyfriend? - how could I refuse?

I can’t help it, I just gotta push my luck here and poke the bear with a stick, “If the punishments are so sweet I might start being dishonest more often.“

Corpse rolls his eyes, scooting on the couch and tapping the space he’s freed up for me, “I said I was feeling generous, don’t bet on it happening often though.”

Alright, enough luck-pushing, I should be grateful for this generosity instead. I should be using it to the max.

So, what’s stopping you from doing just that?

Good question, brain, good question.

Head still pounding just not as intensely, I slip under the thin soft comforter to find myself not only wrapped in it but also in Corpse’s arm, his warm embrace bringing me instant comfort, walking me on the tight-rope of falling asleep right away.

“Sneaky bastard.“ I attempt to mutter, yawning halfway through. 

I feel his lips on the top of my head, placing a quick and gentle kiss in my hair before he says, “You’re welcome, babe.”

Count your lucky stars, Y/N. You’ve got one of the good ones.

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[aetherarf]

Okay, so if someone else hasn't already brought it up and to build on the Autistic hcs, how would Diluc feel about a close friend (or s/o) w/ ADHD offering to show him and or share their collection of misc stimmy stuff (basically a mix of misc things they personally find really satisfying to mess with ie some bits of fabric, interesting lids, switches, clips, beads, ect) ?

ANONYMOUS:

godam the autistic diluc hcs got me super soft, so uh- related to that can you do some platonic or romantic (i dont mind either way) hcs with autistic diluc + adhd reader solidarity? 👉👈

like maybe they relate over sensory issues or stimming, or them helping each other with diverging symptoms, or something? 👉👈

tysm <3

Got two separate, put them together! Here you go!

This can be read as pure platonic or in the pining stage of romance.

Bonus! Kaeya being a good brother! sorta.

[[ ADHD!Reader, Summary: Diluc hasn't really known a lot about himself... But somehow, you introduce him to a part of himself he long since forgot about, and he's more than happy about it.

Word Count: 1'600 ]]

Diluc didn't mind his newest patron. While, perhaps, they struggled to focus at times, and seemed to fidget often, he didn't hold it against them. Besides, they were pleasant to talk to, and at times, would go on long tales about ... Well. Anything. And he liked to listen, encouraging them to keep speaking whenever they ceased, oftentimes apologizing.

That patron was you.

You went regularly. Maybe you wanted wine one night, apple cider vinegar the next, and the third you just wanted company, but whenever Diluc was there, you found yourself deciding you were happy with just the company... Well... And maybe a fruity drink he offered you from time to time. They tasted better when he made them, anyway.

But you noticed something, how he'd seem a little twitchy when the tavern was particularly full, and how he would either fumble with his gloves, or tapping his fingertips on the bar with a shockingly consistent rhythm, able to keep in tune with the bards song quite well.

You wondered, idly, if he had stimmed, and avoided it in public.

When questioned, he gave you an odd look.

"No, I don't." He said, "I don't know what that is."

"oh. Nevermind, then!"

But that night, you couldn't let it go. You wondered, maybe, he'd enjoy stimming? Well, no reason not to try!

You had gathered a few of your stimming objects--a sort of slime that made a nice crunchy noise you got from Marjorie, only downside is you had to replace it sometimes, but it was quite nice. Nicely kept in it's container, you tossed it in.

A few pieces of fabric, some silky, some fluffy like fur... You liked toying with them, having them in your pocket while you fumbled with it. Good for being subtle about it.

A string of beads that clicked together nicely, oddly shaped but nice for rolling between fingertips...

And, yet another from Marjorie, a small cube that had many switches and buttons. It was some old contraption that was found in a Ruin Guard, you attracted by the pleasant noises it made when you toyed with it, and after inspecting the insides, you discovered it empty, so it was safe to mess with. Durable, too.

Putting these in a pouch, you headed back to the Angel's Share. Sure, earlier than expected, but it was open, so...

You walked in, seeing him tying up his hair in a high ponytail with a black ribbon, slightly mesmerized as he tied a quaint bow, before he noticed you.

"You're early," he said, voice calm... Perhaps happy.

"Yes, I had something I wanted to show you," you said, walking over and placing the bag on the table, and he looked at it curiously, until tugging it open, showing all of the objects you brought, organizing them neatly, before looking at him expectantly, "These! These are for stimming."

Diluc observed them, oddly. "I still don't know what 'stimming' is." He said, his way of asking what it was.

"Uhm," you thought, "Controlled stimulation, I guess? It's easier to show then explain. Here-" you grabbed the small container of crunchy, arguably non-sticky slime, and set it upon the table, crushing it in your hands, admiring how it oozed between your fingers, but the pleasant sound of crunching. "You just sort of toy with it. It helps my mind feel... At ease. Here," you rolled the slime back into a ball, " You try."

He looked at it... And pulled off his gloves, setting them on the table as he picked up the ball of slime, squishing it slightly, a faint crackling as he did so. Eventually, he held it in one palm, and crushed it as you did, his eyes widening... And then he kept folding it in his hands, eventually leaning forward and setting it on the table, poking into it.

As you looked at his face, you could tell that "Lord Ragnvindr" wasn't present. Instead, a childish, excited soul had presented itself, mesmerized with his new toy.

Oh, how happy he was. You could get some more another time, or buy him some... He seemed so... Happy. It was hard to not want to give him as much as he could ever want.

And that was a single object. How happy would he be, with the others?

"Diluc," you said, but he didn't respond, "Diluc." You said a little louder, and he jerked his head up, looking at you in surprise, "Here, I think you'll like this one, too." Offered him the small cube, and you took the slime, putting it away, resolving to leave it for him. He took it, and looked at it oddly before he moved it in his fingers, thumb frantically pressing the buttons-once again, in a odd sort of rhythm. You wondered if that green bard could use that rhythm to write a song.

Actually, maybe he played music... he seemed to have the rhythm for it.

Eventually, someone walked up beside you, a man in blue with a fluffy mass slung over his shoulder, "Hey Diluc." Kaeya. You knew him. Diluc spoke little about him, but when he did, it was often with a longing tone, or subtle praises.

Diluc didn't respond, entranced by the object in his hand.

"... Diluc? Hey! Diiiluuuuc?" He half leaned over the bar, until Diluc noticed him, jumping slightly... and then spoke with a groan.

"What do you want, Kaeya?" He asked, nearly a demand.

"Whew, thought I lost you there. Is it really so hard to pay attention to your dear baby brother?" He set his elbows on the bar, and propped his head up with his hands, puffing out his cheeks in a pouting expression, "What did little Kaeya do..."

"Do you want your usual?" He asked, despite how usually he'd be snapping at Kaeya now, having turned around and grabbed a bottle of wine.

Kaeya, for a split second, looked baffled, looking over to you, and gesturing to Diluc... you just shrugged.

"Sure." Kaeya said, voice the same as always as his confusion dissipated. "My, someone's having a good day." He stood up properly, taking the wine offered to him, "Add it to my tab?"

Diluc was already scribbling in a notepad, "Got it."

Kaeya froze again, looked at you... and finally leaving.

Instead of thinking about all those weird looks Kaeya gave you, you decided to show Diluc through the rest of the things you brought...

...

Eventually, you decided it was time to go- you couldn't stay as late as usual, but when Diluc asked, with the heartbroken gaze of a pup, "You're leaving?"

"I'll be back tomorrow! I have work early tomorrow, too..." You half muttered out, horrifically tempted to ruin tomorrow for a better tonight.

"...I see. I'll see you tomorrow." He said, displeased but not wanting to cause you anymore fuss. You walked out of the Tavern, sighing in regret... you'd probably thank yourself in the morning.

Probably.

"Hey," you jumped at the unexpected voice, seeing Kaeya sitting at one of the tables placed outside.

"Oh... hi," you muttered, "It's cold out-Wouldn't you... rather be outside?"

Kaeya hummed to himself, closing his eye... "Yeah, but I needed to ask you something. Won't take long," he gestured to the chair beside him, "Come, sit."

You obeyed, "I do have to get home, so please hurry."

"I will... But-" he hesitated, "What was with Diluc? Did you... do something, to him? He seemed so happy."

You didn't want to think about how he sounded so... sad, about it.

"Uhm...Well, I saw he fidgeted a lot, and I do to. I have some little toys, I guess, I use to help me calm down. I brought them and gave a few to him, and he really liked them. Maybe it was that?"

Kaeya was quiet for a moment tapping his foot as he thought.

"Just those little toys?"

You shrugged, "Yeah. They... help me get pent up energy. Maybe the reason he isn't, uhm, that happy, is that he was just... sort of built up inside? I wouldn't know."

"I see," Kaeya said, looking over at the currently closed door to the tavern, "You know, he hasn't been that calm in years. Since we were little,"

Another long moment of silence, and then Kaeya looked back to you. He sat up properly, and grabbed something off his belt--a bag of mora, and set it on the table.

"Do me a favor-I don't know where I'd find any stuff like that, but use this to buy some more things like that. It..."

He tensed.

"Diluc's happiness mean a lot to me."

You hesitantly looked at the bag... granted, you had to custom order most of the stuff--not that it was pricy, but it was a hassle...

Seeing Kaeya's pleading gaze, you couldn't help but accept it.

"Okay," you said with a smile, "I'm sure Diluc will be happy to know-"

"Maybe don't tell him." Kaeya interrupted you, "I don't want him to think anything... weird, is going on between us. Either you and me or me and him. I'm happy just... seeing him happy."

You didn't know what to think.

"Okay, I'll make sure to get him some more stuff. I-I liked seeing him happy too."

Kaeya smirked, "Oh, I can tell. Well, I'm cold. See you tomorrow, hot stuff." He said, walking to the tavern and closing the door behind him quickly, leaving you in the cold chill of the night.

Well, better get home. Still had to get to bed, and you needed to give Diluc a very roundabout gift from Kaeya.

[ohheyitsokay]

I don’t have a specific something to think about but just like

✨ Paz ✨

That’s it. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk 😌

Also I hope you’re having a good week with your relatives. And if it isn’t, then at least that it’ll be over quickly 🥺

Hellooo May! obviously I've been thinking about Paz because... you're right, ✨ Paz ✨

so first I got hit full in the heart with a fic about teaching post mando-displacement how to live in the galaxy as more than a Mandalorian, and showing him how to navigate... things, but

that sparked a whole other string of thoughts, of the reader living in the covert so those are under the cut :)

also thank you! honestly, me too. I hope you're doing well!

warnings: sexual content, afab reader

>>

I cant get over the idea that there are Mandalorian customs and traditions and superstitions and lore that are completely unwritten. Not 'the Way', but engrained little things that every culture develops.

Little Paz, child-sized helmet still gleaming, his eyes just as bright beneath it. Tugging on the beskar and gloves of the elders, respectful but curious. Watching over the shoulders of the craftsman and caretakers, absorbing all of it with awe, taking it greedily, adorably, making it his own. Asking questions like it's his job, learning the tribe, the mannerisms and history, soaking it all in like a sponge.

Taking Din, quiet and nervous, under his wing, pretending he knows it all. A student, and then teacher, a big brother, a budding Mandalorian.

And Paz, your giant, sweet, well-meaning love, teaching you as best as he can.

Tugging you close by the fire, face of his helmet mashing your ear as he eagerly whispers context to the stories, almost wiggling with that same child-like excitement.

Have you heard this story? Did you know?

Staying up late, wishing this covert location could see the stars so he could share their legends while pointing to their equivalent heavenly bodies. Holding your hand, aching in his chest because his two favorite things in the world - you and his people, are colliding. It makes him feel full of warmth and strength and raw energy like he could protect those two things against a galaxy of armies.

He whispers that he loves you in Mandalorian into the darkness.

Paz, sharing the little traditional things, embossing them onto your heart, making you bit by bit more a part of his home, part of his people.

"Cyar'ika, you have to use this seasoning for dinner," He seems nervous that you havent, already, a little annoyed that he forgot to tell you.

"Okay, but... why?"

"It - well, Leanna, the woman I told you about, she," he's not actually sure, but he saw it, remembered it on this dish, every single time.

You smile, and he presses his chest to your back, reaching around and taking a pinch in his big fingers.

"See? Like this," he rumbles proudly in your ear.

And you do.

Paz, sometimes forgetting you're not one of them, expecting you to know something, or thinking something is normal, and his earnest, confused shuffling as he realizes.

You kiss at his chest, his neck, telling him silently but loudly that you need him. Your love, tilting his head, desperately pushing you away, hurt that you would try to seduce him at a time like this.

"Love, why are you being cruel?" His tone is gentle, but genuinely a touch upset. "Must you tempt me during the Clean day?"

"What?" You're dumbfounded, arousal forgotten as you stare at him. There's something in his words the way he says it, something in the stiffness in his shoulders and the way he glances ove this shoulder like someone is watching.

And he sees the confusion on your face, and realizes you dont know. How could you?

Scolding himself, he tells you on wash days before they go on a big mission, he's supposed to fast, to hold himself above distractions, clothes cleaning and mind clear so he can be prepared. And old ritual, used for warriors to be intentional about their last few days, and make boundaries if they were were in grey situations. Not particularly necessary, but... he likes to do things right.

He holds you close, promises when the sun sets you can have him all to yourself. He'll make it up to you, of course he will.

Paz, falling more in love with you every moment that he sees you remember, trying to learn, because you know how important it is too him.

He came home later than he meant, but earlier than he told you. Poor execution for a surprize, but he can hardly wait to see you, knows you wont mind waking up for a few hours if it means having him in your bed again. But when he walks in he sees a candle lit, blue, he notices, a letter half burned with words for his safety. He didnt teach you that one, a sharp ache in his heart realizing you mustve asked someone else.

You wished for his safety, did all the little things the other partners promised would help. You cared about him, enough to learn, and enough to do it. He knew you loved him, heard you say it, saw it even but... this was for when he wasnt hear. This was a private love, something you didnt know if he would ever see.

He wondered, as he woke you with wanton kisses and hands taking every inch of your body for his own, if it was too soon to ask you to marry him.

Paz, creating traditions for just the two of you.

"Did you know that you always bring me gifts in threes?"

Your Mandalorian hummed, pausing his mouth against your core, two fingers buried inside of you. Propping yourself into your elbows, you enjoyed the pause, the sharpness of overstimulation smoothing over.

"Everything in threes. Flowers, kisses, ration packs," you explained, and he chuckled, removing his hands and sliding them up your body, moving his mouth against yours.

He had never thought about it but it felt.. right somehow, like an unintentional cornerstone to your relationship.

"I guess we need another round, then," he said, eyes glinting.

As you moan in disbelieving affirmation, he tucks the knowledge away. A new custom, for him and you.

<<

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