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#I felt like everything I said was Wrong and Bad and would get me in trouble
yunniestars · 15 hours
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"maybe this time, love won't end."
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. . . ACT IV. "Oh No, I'm Falling In Love." ʚɞ pairing: kinich x gn!reader ʚɞ cw: kind of short sorry, mostly fluff hehe, reader is shit at cooking
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"sorry..." you dry his hair off using a towel as you apologize. "to be fair, it started to rain heavily, too. so it would've saved you from being sick."
"it's fine," kinich responds as he mesmerize over how your hands knead his hair with tender. "i would've said yes either way. but you really didn't had to headlock me like that," he frowns which erupts a giggle from you.
"i literally never seen you make that face. i should do it more often." he scoffs at your suggestion.
even with such childish banter, kinich feels so much warmth from what was happening at the moment. the loud and thunderous rain contrasted the comforting laughter from the both of you. it reminded him of how you'd tend to his wounds when he came home from a commission that made him end up in a bunch of bruises.
this very moment felt like one of them, however he knew it wasn't the same.
the love and affection he felt, though, remained.
suddenly, he felt something caress his hair. and it wasn't a towel.
"hmm?" kinich feels your hand on top of his hair, which surprised him. "what are you doing?"
"feeling your hair. it's so soft," you tell him as you bask into the softness of the strands. "seriously, how do you have better hair than me? it's so annoying," you sounded a pout which made him chuckle.
"maybe it's because you're the one taking care of it."
୨୧
time ticks down and before the both of you knew it, the hour of supper had arrived.
kinich would expect that it would've been domestic, cozy and full of laughter. he thought that it'd be a simple moment of peace with shared fondness.
boy he was so wrong. because apparently alongside your memories, your amnesia also caused you to forget your ability how to cook -- or more like, you have no idea how to measure things and the portions you pour in the dish ends up altering the taste completely.
"oh my archons- i said SALT."
"THAT'S SALT YOU DUM-DUM."
"look at the label closely, and it says 'sugar'."
"oh."
it was rare for kinich to get verbally upset, but this very moment had him wanting to throw punches at you and toss you from the very top of tectipac peak. he tries his very best to not show his frustration and be patient but oh goodness gracious of all archons you were stubborn.
"kinich! how much soup do i pour in?" you ask but even though you did, your hand had a mind of its own and poured a lot of soup on the bowl which could only take half of the amount you poured on, which ultimately led you to dropping the bowl and a loud yelp from you.
kinich immediately stopped what he was doing and immediately ran up to you, caressing your burnt hand while bringing you to a place away from the shards of glass.
"are you okay? how bad does it hurt?" he asks while checking for any bruises.
"a little..." you responded while feeling a bit faint from the altercation that just happened. kinich sighed and carried you to your couch, gently laying you on top of there.
"stay," he instructs while he goes off to grab your first-aid kit. you were confused on how he already knew where it was placed, but perhaps it's due to the amount of times he crashed in your place.
besides everything, though, you felt your heart thump at how he'd take such good care of you. even though you were stupid to pour an unreasonable amount of soup in the cup, he never insulted you and just immediately came to your aid. it felt nice, considering how you'd always get called out for being clumsy when you still lived with your family.
it wasn't just that, though. the way he'd gently hold you felt like you just fit right in his arms. is it platonic to say that being your friend's arms felt like home? because that's exactly how you felt.
you were used to how boyfriend-material kinich would be but goddamn it still made your heart skip a beat each time.
then again, he said it's how he treated his friends in general, so did you really have any right to feel like that?
after a time of thinking, he soon comes back with the first-aid kit in his hands and kneels in front of you, grabbing that injured hand onto his immediately to treat it.
"so reckless... you just do whatever you want, huh?" he huffs while applying ointment on your burn.
"i'm sorry," you apologize, feeling a lot of guilt while refusing to look at him.
"for?"
"for being clumsy and... not being a good host."
"host?" kinich raises a brow and remembers the main reason how he winded up in your abode. "ah, you don't need to apologize for any of that." "but-"
"but what? no matter the amount of apologizes you utter to me, you'll still do the same thing ever again, and i would be a fool to repeatedly tell you that it's 'okay'," he chuckles lightly and touches your bandaged hand. "i treasure you a lot, so i'm willing to put up with your antics."
ah fuck.
you feel yourself burning up at your words, while also feeling tears well up in your eyes. "i mean that much to you?"
"of course."
you smile and look at him with a gaze you'd only ever show to him. "well, i feel the same."
୨୧
a few hours after eating and cleaning up, the rain hasn't still gone away which led up to the reason why he's staying at your home overnight for the time-being.
"i'm going to sleep at the couch," kinich says, about to tell you good night until you beat him to it.
"no, you're sleeping in my bed," you refute. "you're the guest, i should be the one sleeping on the couch."
kinich sighs and crosses his arms. "well, looks like this is another argument i can't wait, so how about this -- we share a bed."
the idea made you blush. even though kinich looked nonchalant on the surface, deep down he was pulling his own hair for saying such crass things. now he felt kind of like some creep for saying it.
"sorry, i shouldn't have said anything," he apologizes, wanting to break the awkward tension. but you just shake your head and drag him on your bed.
"it's fine. we can share," you fiddle your hands together.
oh. well... that definitely surprised him.
"what? are you sure? i just suggested it because i didn't want you to sleep on the couch and i know you're going to force me to sleep on your bed so..." he trails off and you just put your index finger on his lip, which immediately shuts him up.
"if i say we can share, then we can. okay?" you huff and place your finger back down, leaving him to no choice (even though he really liked the idea). "
and so, you two end up sharing the same comforter. surprisingly, kinich ended up falling asleep real fast. after all, you did notice how exhausted he looked even before the two of you got soaked by the cold rain.
you smile and stop any urges to go and caress his face. you notice his long lashes, the marking on his neck, and of course your favorite part of him, how soft his hair looked. even while sleeping, he looked so undoubtedly beautiful that you'd think about what it'd be like if you kissed him- woah there.
kisses?
beautiful?
you notice how you used such words towards him, ones that only couples would ever refer to each other. but can you blame yourself? he was so full of love, giving you attention when you barely ask for it, doing things that you'd only let him do to you.
the more you think of it, more the realization finally dawns upon you...
you were in love.
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୨୧ act iii | act v ୨୧ masterlist
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♡ tags: @lvvcian @sunsethw4 @wutap @gasoline-eater @ellieloverrr @romyoia @lunavixia @hipsdofangirl @3lectraheart @keiiqq @fantasyhopperhea @idontevenknow129 @kimura-uzuri
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a/n: finally!! ive been wanting to finish this chapter ive had the idea since act 3 but i am so sorry for not updating a lot as of late!! :( ive been preparing for lots and lots of projects + exams r coming up. not sure if i can keep on updating consistently, but most likely when exams end and also during our club week hehe. thank u so much for being patient :')
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damiansgoodgirll · 2 days
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I know this is so wrong on many levels, but would you please make something with punk cheating on her wife with reader? It can be smut and angsty at the same time, like they both are feeling really guilty but they can’t stop the sexual tension between them 🥵😭😩❤️🙏
AJ I LOVE YOU I PROMISE
cm punk x reader
likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated!
‼️ +18, smut, angst, toxic phil, mean phil, cheating, daddy issues (?)
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nasty attraction
what you and phil were doing was wrong on so many levels. he had a wife waiting for him at home, a wife he loved. he promised her to love and protect her, to be always by her side and yet he every week, after raw, he was always in your bed.
it started as an accident. he felt so guilty after you slept together that he avoided for a month. when he realised that he couldn’t avoid you forever, he talked with you, explained that what happened was just a mistake and that he had no feelings for you, that he was deeply in love with his wife and that he needed time to make amend.
you were hurt. you knew that he didn’t have feelings for you but the harsh way he said it, almost as if it was your fault you had sex, it hurt you.
he promised he would have never happened again but he couldn’t keep it promise much as just a few weeks later he was the one dragging you into his hotel room.
he needed to let go some tension and he thought that you wouldn’t mind. of course you didn’t mind. you were probably too focused on your crush for the old man to think that he was only using you.
that mistake turned into more and more mistakes and you couldn’t deny the immense attraction that you had for him. he was older, hot, more experienced than you, rough and cold, married.
all the red flags were right in front of you but you were too blind to see them.
“one last time…this is our last time…” he whispered while one of his hand was working on your clit as the other kept your wrists clutched to the bed.
everytime, he swore that it was going to be the last time but every week the same routine occurred.
he was happily married. he loved his wife more than he could explain. but there was something that you had that made him crawl under your skin.
you were young, in your twenties. you were inexperienced so that lead him to be able to do everything he wanted with you and your body. he knew you had a crush on him, he wasn’t stupid. and he knew it was wrong to play with your feelings but he couldn’t help it. you were like a stress reliever for him, someone he would be rough and mean, someone he could release all the past tension he had.
“fuck…” you moaned, your voice soft while his calloused hands kept harshly stimulating your clit.
“uh uh…bad girls don’t get to cum…” he loved the game he was playing “turn around…ass up” he ordered. he expected you to obey as you always did but there was some hesitation this time “i gave you an order y/n…don’t make me punish you” this was a common routine. he would tease you, he would turn you around and fuck you and then he would leave.
“i don’t want to…” you confessed, opening your eyes.
“to do what?” he didn’t meant to be so mean with you. sometimes he forgot that you were a person just like him and that you had feelings. especially after the whole situation with drew mcintyre, he was more stressed than ever.
“this…” you didn’t want to sound so weak but something shifted between the two of you. he wasn’t always so mean. sure, he wasn’t a vanilla lover but there times where he would actually take his time with you and make you feel appreciated. none of this quick fuck excuses “the way you’ve been treating me for the past weeks…i don’t deserve this phil…i’m not your whore and even if you don’t see this thing the way i see it, you don’t have to treat me like im nothing…” you didn’t meet his eyes.
guilt flowing through his body.
you were right. he knew you were right. but he knew that if he showed even the slightest bit of emotion and kindness towards you, he knew it would be over for him. he didn’t love you, absolutely. he didn’t have a crush like you had. but he was attracted by you, there was like a magnet around you that kept pulling him towards you.
he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. thinking about how your presence was so intoxicating for him.
“i know…and i’m sorry…” he apologised “i’m so fucking sorry…i shouldn’t have been so rude with you, i just…”
“you just?” you were curious.
“what we do…it’s so wrong, i know i shouldn’t do this, i have an amazing wife waiting for me at home…i love her more than anything but i can’t help being so fucking attracted to you, and i know that if i get affectionate with you everything will change and i don’t want that…” he looked at you while speaking and it seemed true to his words.
“we can stop if you want to…” you hoped he would say no.
“that‘s the fucking problem…i can’t stop, i can’t get enough of you, your body, the way you sounds so sweet everytime you cum on my dick…i can’t stop this” he whispered in your ear, sending shivers down your spine.
“one last time?” you asked him, hoping that he would say yes.
“one last time…” and he swore that it was going to be the last time for you and him.
he gently laid you down on the bed and kissed upon your body, as if he wanted to apologize for being so mean with you. and for a second you believed him, you believed that his intentions were pure but you remembered that he was a married man, a man who loved his wife, a man who couldn’t give you the future you wanted and deserved and for that you will always resent him.
when he pushed inside of you, his movements were slow, calm. like he wanted to savour you one last time.
he moaned into your shoulder, trying to control himself. he wanted to own you, to show you who was in charge. he wanted to bend you over like he always did but tonight was different, he wanted to have you one last time.
“shit…phil…” you didn’t mean to sound so weak but he was hitting all of the right spots inside of you and you couldn’t keep your moans low. he knew your body so well, and he knew what pushed you on the edge.
“right there baby?” he smirked, taking a deep look into your face. your eyes were closed, trying to stop tears from falling.
“yes…” and that was all he needed to hear since he started moving a little faster, hitting your sweet spot.
“i wanna feel you coming around my dick…one last time…” there was a little of sadness, maybe resentment.
his lips left some kisses over your neck and collarbone, mixing with the pleasure he was already bringing you. this was a sweet phil, a side that you never saw. and you thought about how lucky was his wife to have him, to having him kiss her goodnight every single night, how lucky she was to have him in her arms and hold him every day. you wanted to be that girl and you knew that someday you would get your chance to be loved, just that it wouldn’t be phil to love you like that.
a tear rolled down your eye, both from sadness and pleasure, he was easily bringing you over the edge “phil…i’m so close…” you moaned as your hands moved to mark his back. you didn’t mean to but if that was your last time together, you needed to have him as close as possible so you brought him closer to you. your chest meeting with tattooed one.
he sped a little more, you could hear the cracks from the bed, wondering if your hotel neighbours were hearing those too.
“come for me baby…” he whispered against your skin. those words making you clench hard around his dick that released inside of you. with a deep growl phil came, spilling inside of you. your legs still shaking a bit from the stimulation.
you both looked at each other, speechless. you hoped he would say something first but nothing came out of his mouth.
“our last time uh?” you tried to laugh, but deep down all you wanted to do was cry.
he chuckled, trying to ease the tension “yeah…our last time…i should probably go back to my bedroom” he whispered.
“you should” you didn’t want to hear more words coming out his mouth. you wanted to be left alone and never see him again.
he quickly stood up and he dressed himself. he took one look at you before leaving the room.
you stayed there, watching the ceiling and let all those tears fall.
“she’s so lucky…” you whispered, knowing that you’ll never have him.
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babeejeon · 1 day
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Jungkook drabble 3
Author note: This just came to my mind all of a sudden. I am sick and it late at night, I am supposed to sleep. But I can't sleep and I don't want inspiration to fade away. So here it's. Based on my life and imagination. Definitely would feel better if Jungkook was here to cuddle me. But at least here, there is a little fluff...
---
Jungkook entered home, but it was oddly silent. Usually she would be home at this hour but there were no traces of life in the house. He went to the bedroom to change his clothes only to find her laying in the bed, looking kind of sick. She didn't even notice him entering the room, she was staring to the ceiling.
"What's wrong?" he asked and finally catched her attention.
"Oh, you are already home?"
"It's 8 p.m. Y/N."
"Oh!" she seemed unaware.
"What happened? Are you sick?" he sit next to her in the bed and checked her fever with his hand.
"Yeah, I felt a little sick." she answered.
"Why didn't you told me? I would come home earlier."
"It's not that serious. I just felt sick at work and they brought me to the hospital. After the serum I was better but they insisted to drive me home."
"You got hospitalized and didn't tell me?" He asked in shock.
"I didn't get hospitalized, my coworkers just dragged me there." she argued.
"And they didn't even bother to inform me?" he seemed to be getting angry.
"I asked them not to, I didn't want you to worry." she explained.
"Of course I would worry, you are my wife Y/N!". Yes, he was definitely angry.
"But you would worry unnecessarily. It wasn't that bad and I felt way better after the serum."
"Did you take a look on the mirror? You look lifeless and about to break. I should be deciding if I worry necessarily or not."
"But baby~" she dragged "baby~" extra long. "I was really okay." She gave him puppy eyes.
"Don't try to use 'baby' to me! This is serious. Next time you are going to tell me, no matter what, even if you broke your nail or feel indigested after lunch. Everything, whether it is small or not." he said seriously.
"Okay." she complied. "At least give me a hug." She made grabby hands like a baby.
He smiled, "Let me change and I will cuddle you."
"Cuddles?" she asked eagerly.
"Yeah."
"Great."
After changing his clothes he sit the bed and put his back on the bedboard. Opened his arms for her to come into his arms.
"As expected..." she sighed happily.
"As expected what?" He asked curiously.
"As expected, I feel so safe in your arms. Like everything is going to be okay, there is nothing to be worried about. Illogically I feel so safe and sound, and happy." she paused and look up from his chest to see his face. "I wonder if it goes like Jeon Jungkook effect or effect of love in the literature."
He laughed at her words. "Of course it is the effect of love. I feel the same when you are in my arms."
She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "I don't think I am the type of person to give reassurance or hope or something. I radiate stress and worry."
"Yeah, you don't give those vibes. But I know if I have you, everything is going to be okay. We would figure everything out. As long as I feel you and your love, I know we will be okay."
"Hımm, I still think it's Jeon Jungkook effect. It couldn't be just love." she said.
"Or maybe you are just madly in love with me." He winked at her.
She smiled shyly. "Yeah, maybe I am. It is weird though. I almost blushed."
"You really did blush." he teased her, only for her to hide her face to his chest. He laughed, 'it must be the Y/N effect' he thought to himself. Cause his heart was melting.
After a few seconds of comfortable silence she asked. "Love is still an interesting concept, isnt it?"
"Why?"
"You know, all my life I thought that love can't complete your life or has nothing to do with your happiness. Cause if you are sad alone, love can't make you happy all of a sudden or it is not going to solve all your problems magically. But when I met you I finally felt complete, I felt happy, I felt satisfied with my life and hopeful from the future."
"It's because we had what the other needed, so we completed each other's lives. No more searching for the mysterious things that we hope that will complete us." he said.
"Maybe we were just searching for each other. Not knowing but yearning for each other." she suggested.
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*not my gif <3
Spencer Reid x daughter!reader
Sick Day
Summary: Reader has a cold and Spencer takes care of her
Warnings: Mild sickness, none that I know of
Word Count: ~1.1k
Dread filled your stomach when you woke up and felt the annoyingly familiar feeling of a sore throat and blocked nose.
You tiredly looked at the time on your phone and saw that you were almost late for school.
Begrudgingly, you got out of bed and started to get ready, doing your best to ignore your worsening sickness.
You heard your dad knock on your door and mentally prepared yourself to pretend to be fine.
Spencer was always incredibly attentive when you were sick, sometimes overly so.
Usually it was comforting and nice, but right now you just needed to get ready so you wouldn't be late for school.
You didn't fully register that you hadn't actually said anything yet.
"Sweetheart? Can I come in?" Spencer asked.
"Yes." You prayed he couldn't hear the difference in your voice from your stuffy nose.
He opened your door and entered your room, a plate of food in hand, "I know you're almost late but I made you some breakfast."
He put the plate down on your desk and noticed your frazzled behavior.
Your bed was still unmade. A few random items of clothing were thrown here and there, presumably from when you got dressed, and he noticed the frantic way you tried to make sure you had everything you needed.
"Are you okay? Did you oversleep?"
"Uh, yeah, apparently." You grabbed your hairbrush and started trying to make your hair look more presentable.
It was apparently one of those days where your hair would just not comply.
Spencer saw your breathing get heavier, a tell-tale sign that you were getting frustrated.
"Your hair looks fine," he remarked.
"Fine isn't good enough," you grumbled in response.
Your preoccupation with your hair meant you didn't see the way his eyes narrowed as he studied you a little closer.
It was nearly impossible for you to hide things from him, with his mixture of parental instincts and profiling skills.
"Are you sure you're okay?" It was honestly kind of a trick question, he could tell you weren't.
You swallowed less often than usual, an indication of a sore throat. Your breathing was quiet, and less frequent. And he could in fact hear the tiny change in your voice. He saw the way you paused to think about every little thing, like everything you did took a lot of effort.
You also showed no indication of being about to eat the food he brought you, your tastebuds tended to get weird when you were sick.
"I'm fine." A harshness you rarely displayed was evident in your tone of voice.
"Sweetie, I can tell you're sick," Spencer finally said.
"I'm not sick," you insisted.
"Yes, you are," he said more sternly.
"Why didn't you just tell me, sweetheart?" he asked gentler.
"Why would it matter?" You started heading to the door but your dad stopped you by lightly holding your shoulder.
"You can't go to school if you're sick, you need to rest."
"I'll be fine, just let me go." You shrugged his hand off of your shoulder in annoyance.
"Baby, I'm serious. If you force yourself to go out and sit through hours of school, you'll make your health worse, and you could get other kids sick."
You frustratedly looked at him. "I'm fine," you repeated.
"Come on, odds are you already know everything your teachers would say. And it's Friday, you'll probably be better by Monday."
He wasn't wrong.
But you had it so ingrained in your head that you couldn't miss a day of school. You couldn't honestly explain why.
Spencer was well aware of that thinking pattern of yours, but your health and wellbeing would always matter more.
He noticed you pondering it in your head.
"I don't have work today," he reminded you. "We can have a nice, relaxed day together, it'll be fun."
"Okay," you finally agreed.
Spencer breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm gonna call the school quickly to let them know you're not going."
Hearing that phrase left a bad taste in your mouth, but you also felt a weight lift from your shoulders knowing you could just rest.
You put your backpack down and got changed into comfier clothes again.
Spencer came back to your room after calling your school.
"I can make you something else to eat if you don't want to eat that." Spencer gestured to your still untouched plate.
You looked over at the food. "I don't want to be wasteful." You looked back at your dad with a twinge of guilt in your expression.
"You won't be, I'll eat it," Spencer assured you.
You nodded your head, not wanting to talk more because of your sore throat.
Spencer picked up the plate from your desk and started exiting your room, with you following behind him.
He made you food that was more appealing to your taste buds at the time and then you both settled comfortably on the couch.
Spencer grabbed a blanket for you and some tissues for your nose.
He let you pick a movie to watch. Unsurprisingly, it was the same one you always wanted to watch.
He didn't mind. Although it wasn't exactly his favorite movie, it was yours. Which automatically meant he loved it, too.
It made him happy to see the awe in your eyes everytime you watched it. The way you quietly mouthed the lines to yourself.
Spencer took your empty plate to the kitchen and came back with some medicine and a glass of water for you.
You quickly drank it and then turned on your favorite show.
While you watched your show, Spencer made your favorite kind of soup. Also the only type of soup he knew how to make.
You ate in silence, except for a few chuckles every now and then at the series you were watching.
Spencer read for a while after you both finished eating, seeing as he'd already watched every episode of your favorite show at least twice, and could recite almost all of them word for word.
You finished the last episode of the season you were on and just sat in silence for a minute.
The sun set and Spencer turned on a few lights before going back to his book.
"Dad?" You said quietly.
"Mhm?" Spencer hummed in response, turning a page.
"Can you read to me, please?"
A soft smile graced Spencer's face, "Of course I can. Anything specific you want me to read?"
You sat up slowly and shook your head.
Spencer held one of his arms open and waited for you to lay down on his chest.
He gently stroked your arm and pulled the blanket further up your body.
Although you didn't care much about the topic of his book, hearing his voice was soothing.
"Dad?" You interrupted him after a bit.
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Thank you for taking care of me," you mumbled sleepily.
"You're welcome, sweetheart. That's what I'm here for."
"I love you," you said quietly, cuddling into him further.
"I love you, too."
Your tired eyes finally shut and you fell asleep.
Spencer let you sleep for a while before eventually picking you up and putting you in your bed.
Sick days weren't so terrible when you got to spend them with your dad.
fin. ♡
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starheirxero · 6 hours
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Xero- Xero, I just thought of something- And it's fucking me up BAD- I am in SHAMBLES/POS- ITS HAUNTING ME-
Lunara tore their Eclipse apart from the inside out. They ripped him into pieces. This we know.
And it wasnt enough. It would never be enough.
They told Sun, that it lacked the satisfaction they were hoping for. It "wasn't as fun as they would've liked".
And of course it wasn't. It could never be, really.
Because revenge will never take away the scars left behind. It will never right the wrong.
As Lunar has said, "an eye for an eye makes the world go blind" !
It would never be enough. It would never heal them. And it didn't.
It only made them angrier, more bitter. It caused them to wreck havoc, until eventually, nothing was left. Until even their anger burnt out.
And they still weren't satisfied. They simply grew numb. Their anger, their scars, had eaten them from the inside out, until nothing was left.
But what if this wasn't all?
What if their anger, their self-inflicted madness, came from something else? Something worse even?
Because recently, I remembered Lunar and Eclipse's conversation!
When Lunar and Eclipse talked, and found something akin to mutual ground, Eclipse told Lunar, he was proud of them. Proud because they killed him. Proud because they "finally got it".
And suddenly, something clicked into place for me!
What if Lunara's Eclipse declared his pride for them, just as he drew his last breath?
What if, after an endless cycle of abuse and resets, of deaths, they finally freed themself?
What if they tore him apart, screaming at him? "You did this to me, are you happy? Are you satisfied?"
And what if, in his last moments, when they finally let up and he stopped screaming, he grinned at them through his own remains, telling them "Finally you get it." "You actually made me proud."
What if, even in his last moments, he still looked upon them with condescension? What if he still had that arrogant and smug tone in his voice? What if, even in death, he would not let them go?
Because god, of course this would be the final straw.
They thought, they finally ripped themself free from his control, only for him to tell them, that they became what he wanted them to be.
"You did this to me, are you happy? Are you satisfied?" "I am. You are perfect now, thanks to me."
Even in death, he has complete and utter control over them. Because they are exactly what he wanted them to be.
Maybe it drove them to insanity, as they destroyed everything in their path.
Maybe they tried to be worse because of it.
Maybe, by the time Earth meets them, they reached acceptance. Accepting, that they will never be free from his grasp.
Maybe, a small, twisted part of them felt happiness at the prospect of Eclipse's pride.
Whatever they might've felt, one thing is perfectly clear.
He will always haunt them, always haunt their narrative. He will always be the ghost looking over their shoulders, keeping a tight hold on their strings. They will never find peace in this life.
-Stardust
STARDUST I'M GUNNA SHAKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't even BEGIN with how many DISEASES THIS IS GIVING ME. HOLY SHIT.
That fits in so perfectly with what we already know about Lunara I can't OVER IT. OF COURSE HIS SMUG SATISFACTION WOULD MAKE MATTERS SO MUCH WORSE. OF COURSE HIS LAST WORDS BEING THAT THEY PLAYED DIRECTLY INTO HIS HANDS WOULD PUSH THEM TO THEIR LIMIT. OF COURSE. OF COURSE!!!!!
AND THE IDEA OF THERE STILL BEING AN INKLING OF JOY FROM THAT AHHHHHHHHHH AHAHAUAHAGAHAGSJSG STARDUST YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEE HOLY SHIT
Being so utterly torn up inside because they finally got to kill Eclipse but he said he was proud of them for finally getting it but that's not the response they wanted but that validation has been something they've craved for such a long time but they don't want it anymore but they can't help it BUT— AUAGAHAGAHHH!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS GUT WRENCHING. THIS IS GUNNA HAUNT ME. I'M ADOPTING THIS INTO MY BELIEF SYSTEM ASAP ABDKWBJSDH
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Today's the day. Today's the day, Amelie decides, gathering the courage. Today is finally the day they come out to their father and stop putting on the façade of a trophy.
It gets ready, making sure to give Willard extra attention, partially due to stalling and dragging everything out until it can't anymore. Partially because faer cat can see their stress and worries.
This can go so many ways,many of which are dangerously wrong,but it has to do it. The stress and denial is just not worth it anymore. The façade is cracking either way.
Unlike usual, instead of getting there through a door,it takes a taxi. Amelie needs the extra time to think things through. Unfortunately, getting to their father's office isn't a long ride and it's over before they can even relax in the slightest.
So they make their way, knocking quietly on the door with a slightly shaking hand.
“Please come in.”- faer father says, unaware of who is standing behind the door.
With a moment of hesitation,it enters the office,a slight smile on their face. It's aware it looks different,but they couldn't do it anymore. They were sick of dressing in pinks and dresses that felt suffocating. They were sick of seeing the same ginger hair as their father's.
James seems more than taken aback at the sight of his child standing there with bright blue hair and a purple velvet suit,so unlike the version he is used to.
“Alice? Is everything alright? You… look rather different today.”
He says the word as if it's bad. To him,it very well might be. He was always too worried about others' opinions about him, doing his best to blend in and not drive any attention towards his appearance. He loved saying how the nail that sticks out gets hammered in.
“I can assure you that I am feeling perfectly fine,no need to worry about me.”- they smile, sitting down in the chair in front of his desk.
“What's the matter with your appearance? Is this some sort of a joke?”
“About that… I have come to tell you something.”
Amelie breathes in, fidgeting with faer septum slightly. They avoid its father's eyes,scared of what they'll see in them. His disapproval might as well break them.
“Well then. Go on,Alice.”
Amelie takes a deep breath,feeling the scrutinising gaze on them. Will he take their words seriously? Only one way to find it out.
“Well,first off,please call me Amelie. I… I do not like being called Alice anymore. Second, my pronouns are they/them,so please do not call me a girl. I am non binary and aro ace. I am no longer willingly tolerating being misgendered,so please make sure to remember this.”
They rattle it out,scared of being interrupted. Amelie stills,waiting for a reaction. James seems to process this for a few minutes before breaking into an amused loud chuckle.
“Really,Alice? That is what you had to say? I almost thought you wanted to discuss serious matters. I told you several years ago,sweetie, you will forever stay my precious little girl.”
He gets up to pinch Amelie's cheek. Others would see it as a sign of affection,but to them,it was patronising. A confirmation that he will stubbornly refuse to acknowledge the change of his child.
"Are you sure your work is not stressing you out too much? Mayhaps you could benefit from a change?"
Their heart drops and shatters right beneath their feet,despair and anger slowly bubbling. What did they try for? It changed nothing. Might as well have made it worse. Should they accept this? Keep up the façade and let it slowly break them to pieces until fae can no longer function?
The words said by Outis and Jackson echo in their mind. Giving up means leaving them behind,and they could not do it. They couldn't let down their friends and let this defeat them.
So they make a choice.
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tubbytarchia · 3 days
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The thing about Evo Jimmy that makes me happy is that he’s so much more of a menace and messes around with people!! Sure everytime he does it he loses or something goes wrong but he’s not afraid to do it and doesn’t even think of the consequences!! He only acts civil is when Martyn’s there and if he’s not, no one is safe.
Netty and Jimmy’s friendship is also really sweet because she likes to join in on his mischief and follows him without hesitation,same goes with Jimmy. They both share half a brain cell and they couldn’t care less!! I also love the fact that they both had the most episodes on Evo, they quite literally ran Evo together. Even if they weren’t that lore based or whatever,it was still there and Jimmy’s listener lore needs to more appreciated!!! I wish Evo went on longer so I could’ve seen what would’ve happened. Jimmy also out right hated the watchers and didn’t care at all what they said. After the Listeners gave him his little mission he realised it immediately that the watchers weren’t good people. I also love how Jimmy makes small hints of the watchers but never outright says it,or he mentions them and just brushes past it.
To sum it up: I want Jimmy’s mischievous ways back. I miss him being a little asshole and messing with people
I wholeheartedly agree that I wish Jimmy was mischievous more often like he used to be even if he would often get punished for it, although I do think we've been seeing a bit more of that in places, and I also very much miss Netty and her and Jimmy's banter. I don't think Jimmy was that much of a menace though, rather he just sassed people back, especially those who he felt had done wrong by him, but his entire shtick in Evo was to be a cop and he did very genuinely try to be one, setting out to prove himself to be good rather than a troublemaker when Martyn wasn't around; to prove to Martyn that he was good. Eg when he helped mine resources for Netty's library, gave every piece of it to Netty, surprising her, and then said something like "did you get a picture?". But that might be the culprit, that he was overly punished for any mishaps and quips to the point that he wanted to prove his potential and capability till the end of Evo and started feeling progressively more culpable over the course of future SMPs
This is a trend in most of Jimmy's playthroughs where he just gets caught in other people's crossfire and painted as bad rather than doing anything actually worth punishing himself. I like when he has the assertiveness to get back at people, to turn pranks back around like he did in Legacy and for some of X Life, to hold Martyn accountable in Evo rather than always taking the blame himself, to almost beat Sausage to death in SOS after everything Sausage had said and put him through, when he rejected Scott's poppy in RL and proclaimed that Scott wasn't forgiven for getting him killed. I wish he'd gotten back at people in ESMP2 calling him a toy the same way he did at the Mafia in Evo which continuously villainized him. I like when he's sassy, I like when he gets back at people, I like when he stands his ground, I like when he does pranks, I like when he doesn't let himself be shot down, especially when trying to take charge (another trend, where he keeps trying to take charge as he sees necessary in relationships and otherwise, only to be knocked down 500 pegs). I like when banter involves him rather than just being aimed at him. But I genuinely don't think he's ever been a proper asshole, he deserves to stab and kill and I wish he did but he's only done so when he believes to have been wronged, or he'd stop himself and often apologize or feel guilty etc. I wrote a long post on my thoughts on Evo awhile back where I went more in debth
Don't have much to say about the Listener stuff, the time that Jimmy spent without Martyn at the end is important to his character imo but the end of Evo just kinda lost me in general, any kind of watcher/listener lore passes me by unfortunately but if other people enjoyed that whole bit then more power to them absolutely
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pepprs · 2 years
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hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.
#purrs#the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships#are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings ar#PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on#EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!#the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im don#forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths#but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole#THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot t#the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i#im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally#never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be#and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not#regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!#and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that#there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold o#him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely#if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im jus#grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help f#from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effectiv#effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT#STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT#OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!!#delete later#my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and#compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i#swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD
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muzzlemouths · 2 years
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🤲
🤲what do YOU get out of writing?
I really struggled with answering this one because I'm not sure how to put it into words. I've always been writing - my whole life, even during those years I was convinced I should quit - all I thought about was writing.
From the earliest days it brought me comfort when no one and nothing else could, its always been a safe way to vent and express myself, it helps me work through emotions when I don't understand them any other way, and it brings me inarticulable joy to speak fluently on pen when my mouth fails me.
I've been eat sleep and breathing this media for as long as I could hold a pencil and at this point it's just a part of who I am, I can't imagine myself without it. I know that's super dramatic, but I can't express it any other way. It's really, truly important to me.
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elytrafemme · 2 years
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wish i could be all spiteful at my therapist saying that i have borderline functioning tendencies but not consistently enough for it to be classified as an abnormal behavioral thing. like i wish i could do what i’ve been doing for months and plan ways to get her to quit her job or put her in an uncomfortable ultimatum or do anything to get a different response to the same question i’ve asked her for two years. 
but instead... i’m just tired, honestly. like. yeah. my biggest curse is the fact that i can cope with things. which sounds twisted. but if i wasn’t able to cope, i would get help. these problems would be fixed because an intervention would be necessary and forced. but i don’t need an intervention. so the problems aren’t going away. 
and part of me says, so make yourself need an intervention. act out. do something crazy. but it’s like. i’ve already done that. i keep doing things that i say are out of control but are at least partly purposeful so that someone reacts to it. and it hasn’t changed anything. so there really is no way out of this conundrum except to keep repressing this anger over and over because there’s no resolution for it. 
weird. 
#neg#vent#nightmare.vent#negative#do not reblog#if something bad happens to me. i immediately present it to people#and also over exaggerate my issues. the only other thing i could add is lying to people but.#if i start lying. i would tell someone i'm lying. immediately. just so that they would say something.#there's really nothing left to do anymore. i think i've done just about everything to try and get an answer.#even when i was like. 11. i was doing unstable shit so that people would tell me what was wrong with me.#i know the real answer is to wait. do 2-3 sessions a week in the summer. do the same in college.#pay a shit ton of money to see an analyst.#that's what my therapist told me. she was really good today honestly.#she did say that she felt the same about the bpd thing. like when she was a kid she thought that she'd get diagnosed with it#but had the same realization i did. and i don't like that.#because i don't want to be like her. i don't really like her.#but i mean she said nice stuff today. was really really helpful as always honestly.#when i let her talk that is but. i don't know. it's not enough.#something has got to give. but my rock bottom has to be theatric and perfectly timed.#and there's never a time that feels good enough.#so i'm stalling probably yeah. but just. i need it to matter. i need to only do it once.#do something so appalling that people institutionalize me#i think maybe i'll start lying. baby steps. i don't know.#i don't fucking know.#also since. someone will say it. it's not that i'm hooked on getting diagnosed w bpd specifically.#the reason i bring it up is because my symptoms have aligned very closely with it for years and my therapist agrees with that.#it's the best of many examples of me being so close to an answer but it not being attainable.
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inthelittlegenny · 19 days
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tavern talk is great; just completed it. 10/10 would recommend if you want something super chill (i'm going to ramble in the tags so probably spoilers)
#okie i loved the story and how everything was lowkey connected#like the quests at the beginning were mentioned later on#i want to know about the endings though like is there good/bad?#(a quick google search shows there is different endings)#i got a defeated quasar; dead tia and grace but overall success#that's probably mid#i loved tia though she was my fav (well one of them)#tia; caer; jade; baya were probably my favourites#melli was cute; lil detective#oh and voy who doesn't love him#did not like iniko though; which i usually like chaotic characters but they were not it for me#hex and grace were cool but so sad omg#i liked clay until he got super angry about tia like i get it; but it's no ones fault don't have a go at me#oh speaking of being angry#fable; god#they lowkey annoyed me#i liked them; don't get me wrong#i'm not the biggest fan of anxiety-riddled characters; and then they get angry i don't make them a drink after they one-sided shout at me#and everyone is judging me for not making them a drink? guys. it wasn't an official quest. i said don't go or wait or whatever#so not my fault#neil is a stupid name haha; i liked zephir/malachite/kumo but i'm not mad at neil#him and fable are cute though; kinda prefer fable/caer though.... if i was too choose.... just saying#i did feel like it was game though that encouraged charisma over fighting though#i made zephir kill the vamp and felt punished for that; and just making charisma the 'correct' choice for the decisions is boring#i don't know for certain if that^ is the case though; but it has that vibe#also i kinda wish the inkeeper remained mysterious#i liked being an npc/having little ambition but then boom backstory was forced on me and i was an adventurer? ugh#knowing the villain though is fun#also i wish there was more freedom in the drinks#but i understand that would mean 10x more writing
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mbat · 2 months
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i feel like the biggest problems with lucifer wouldnt be there if it wasnt a show written by christians for christians and i do mean that
#i mostly just mean that it felt like they couldnt let a story be interesting because itd go against their beliefs#like lucifer didnt like his father because his father banished him and abandoned him#but then we meet his father and his father is just... a guy. who toootally had the best intentions#except erase my sarcasm because thats literally how they play it out is that god didnt mean to hurt luci....#but it wouldve been so much more interesting if god actually was antagonistic and had not so great intentions#and needed to be redeemed but you cant redeem god because god would never need to be redeemed!#like you see the issue there? what. luci was just exaggerating his situation? seeing it wrong? making stuff up?#like. he was the abused and neglected son who was punished for standing up for what he believed in but whatever i guess#and yes i do think kicking your child out is abuse#also everyone always complains about maze going against luci in like every season and i blame that on them going 'well shes a demon so'#i think the only time i can remember it feeling justified is when she just wants to go home but luci wont take her but even then#she goes a bit far yknow?#and dont even get me started on the finale and how ive heard that they said it was because in christianity everything is set in stone#or whatever dumbass reason they had for making luci just as bad as his father but pretending it was. again. with the best intentions#ABANDONING YOUR CHILD IS STILL ABANDONING YOUR CHILD#the reason he did it wasnt even good like. it severely sucked and i dont consider the ending canon at all.#i could go on. i obviously like the show but i soo wish it was written differently a lot of the time.#also of course the show focuses heavily on punishment because the devil and also its a cop show#though they do lean into the redemption stuff later on in the show blah blah blah ugh#lucifer#my post
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fardf150 · 3 months
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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voulezloux · 4 months
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.
#proceed at your own risk i’m back again w/ more shit#had to text my therapist today bc i had like#come to the realization that i was craving the pain that i got when i used to sh#i’m not an active harm to myself i wouldn’t do it again and im not suicidal#but i just had this intense need to have the same pain i got when i sh’d#& scared my mom <3 & she told me to text my therapist <3#she told me to journal and idk how to fucking do that#so i have trauma workbooks coming in tomorrow as well as a copy of wreck this journal#i figured wrecking the journal would be the closest i can get to sh without actually doing it#idk my life fucking sucks rn and i want things to be fucking done i want to be future me not going through this#i feel like i’m being too dependent on bean for comfort and like that’s fucking dumb#i feel bad for just not being okay even tho i know it’s okay to not be okay especially rb#i also just knwo#that my dad is waiting for me to come back to him#hat in hand and tail between my legs to apologize for being mean to him :-(#bc obviously i’m the one who did everything wrong!#i hate being the 7 year old hiding in the pantry#i’ve been hiding in the pantry my whole life to make my dad comfortable#it also hurts to read back on the screenshots and see that my dad just doesn’t give a fuck about me#like i’m not purposely doing it but i have to remember detials when i talk about it to my mom#and it’s just a big ol reminder that my dad didn’t refute any part of my texts#that said i never felt like i was important to him or that i was an afterthought or i wasn’t a priority to him#like he cherry picked things he responded to#he focused on me calling my sister the favorite child and the park i chose instead of like#literally anything else#he apologized for making me feel like an afterthought but never told me that i wasn’t one to him which ig is nitpicky#but he never once in any of the messages tries to comfort me or reassure me that what i was saying wasn’t true#plus he threw in my face that HES been through trauma and he was just SHARING his childhood with his KIDS#like thanks dad! say it with your whole chest you don’t give a fuck about what you did to me! or the affect it’s had on me#he ‘didn’t want to trigger me’ but dude you fucking made things right with your EX WIFE and not your fucking SON
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slutforleeminho · 10 months
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“i wanna try something.” you breathed out between the hot and messy kisses you were giving minho, his hands gripping your waist tighter and pulling your hips down against his clothed bulge. he was already so hard, it amazed you how you could do the bare minimum and he would be fully erect in just minutes.
“whatever you want, baby.” he looked at you with so much love and admiration. that’s how he always responded to your requests, inside and outside the bedroom. ‘whatever you want, if i have it it’s yours.’ and then he’d kiss you until you forgot what it was you were even asking of him.
“you don’t even know what it is yet. how can you be so sure that you’ll want to?” you moved away from his lips to his neck, leaving little love bites as you went. he sighed when you sucked on the little sensitive spot behind his ear.
“oh baby, it isn’t in my blood to say no to you, especially when you’re sitting on top of me like this. you could tie me down to this bed right now and take me however you wanted and i wouldn’t refuse.” his brows were furrowed and eyes screwed shut, focusing on the feeling of your lips on his skin. he looked so fucked out, which made you wonder if he was just saying those things and not actually meaning them. but you refused to pass this moment up without at least trying. so you sat straight up, separating your top half from his. his eyes shot open and searched you face for the answer as to why you stopped. “did i say something wrong? i’m sorry, love, i didn’t-”
“no, you said exactly what i wanted to hear.” you smirked down at him, waiting for him to realize what you meant and when his eyes widened and you felt his dick twitch through his thin sweatpants you knew he understood. “would you like that? for me to cuff you this bed and have my way with you,” you asked in the most innocent voice you could, a big contrast to your words. “use you however i please.” your words went straight to his throbbing cock.
“yes. fuck, baby please.” his eyes were full of lust and anticipation, his voice so quiet and submissive that you didn’t recognize this person under you at all. you didn’t respond verbally, settling on silently removing yourself from his lap and stripping him of all remaining clothing. you didn’t get naked yourself until the pair of handcuffs you kept in your bedside table were safely securing his wrists to the bed frame above his head. when you did take your clothes off you did so very slowly, taking your time just to see him squirm. Minho didn’t take his eyes off of you once, not until you were back on top of him and the tip of his pulsing cock was pressed against your entrance. he threw his head back and sighed before he swallowed hard, trying to keep himself from falling apart beneath you. at least not so soon.
you took in everything about this moment, not wanting to forget anything about it. the way the veins that ran down his arms bulged, to the way he twitched every now and then, seemingly very worked up. his chest rising and falling violently, you’ve never seen him like this, so…. so submissive and pliant. it made you want to eat him alive. you ran your hands up his torso, feeling his hot skin against the palm of your hands. a little whine escaped his lips when you grazed his nipples with your fingernails. his hips rutted up into you, resulting in his swollen tip slipping inside of you. he gasped from the sudden stimulation and raised them higher in search of more. you took both of his nipple in between your fingers and and pinched them. he winced from the pain and looked at you with confusion all over his face.
“bad boy,” his eyes widened. “ i didn’t say you could do that.” you didn’t know why you had said that and immediately regretted it. minho was always the dominant one in your relationship, the one who called the shots, the one who called you a bad girl. and that’s why you were in complete shock when he uttered a quiet “i’m sorry.” you tried to hide your surprise the best you could and continue with your switched roles. “how will you make it up to me?” he scanned the room as if the answer was written on the walls somewhere, and apparently it was cause his eyes lit up as he quickly turned his head to look at you.
“sit on my face.”
“hmmm,” you pretended to think about it. “should i?” he quickly nodded and you chuckled at his eagerness. the thought did have you clenching so you moved up his body until your thighs were on either side of his head. his eyes sparkled as he stared at your dripping sex, his tongue slipping out to wet his lips. he looked starved and he just found the perfect meal, so he lifted his head in attempt to attach his lip to your core. he only made it so far before you yanked his head back by his hair. “once again, not asking for permission,” your whole brain chemistry was altered when he basically sobbed, a little tear sliding down the side of his face. “i should punish you,” you were loving this a little too much. “but that will have to wait.” he opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off by completely sitting on his mouth. he didn’t miss a beat before devouring, running his tongue through your folds before nipping and sucking harshly on your clit. his hands were balled up into fists and pulling away from the cuffs, his biceps flexing from the strain on his muscles. the veins on his arms were protruding and you couldn’t keep yourself from running a finger over them, tracing out the greenish blue lines. his skin was on fire, almost too hot for you to touch. almost.
you mindlessly started grinding down on his tongue, riding his face for your own pleasure. you weaved your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to you, chasing after the euphoric feeling you knew only he could give you. and after a few more thrusts of his tongue and sucking hard on your clit one last time, you were coming. chest heaving and moaning his name like it’s the only thing you knew. once you came down and moved off of his face minho took a deep breath of air and only then you realized you almost suffocated the poor boy. “aww i’m sorry baby, could you not breathe?” you held the side of his face, wiping away your arousal from the corner of his mouth. he was too busy trying to catch his breath to answer you but that was fine you’d get an answer out of him.
you sank down on his cock completely without so much as a warning. “ah- baby wait- i wasn’t- fuck i wasn’t ready.”
“i don’t need your permission.” you ground yourself against him. he threw his head back against the pillows and arched his back.
“if you keep going i’m gonna come. so please… stop.” he pleaded, his voice was so quiet which was very unlike him, so you knew he was telling the truth, he was about to explode.
“you want me to stop?” you went from grinding to full on bouncy on him now.
“ahh fuck i’m coming!” his eyes screwed shut, bracing himself for quite possibly the most intense orgasm he’s ever had. only for it to be ripped away. his eyes shot open. “why’d you stop?!” he looked infuriated with you, he was so close why would you take that away from him?
“you told me to stop.” you smirked at him. “why? did you want to come? i’m so, so sorry.” you were talking to him like a baby, pouting down at him like he was a child. “well i guess we can consider that your punishment.”
“uncuff me.” he demanded. “now.”
“oh baby i’d love to.” you grinned. “ but i’m not finished with you yet.”
.
.
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i’m back!!!!! did you miss me?
taglist: @bangchansbae @yumiblogs @fawnpeaks
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starkeyisthelastname · 2 months
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okay y’all, we are jumping into this. pornstar!rafe makes a big decision. ⭐️ (thank you to my bae @oceandriveab for her request and being so patient! 💖 )
He had quite literally fucked you to sleep after storming off set all because he couldn’t get his dick up because he had you on his mind. He knew the decision he had to make and that was one he never thought he would ever do and that quit filming professionally. Even if he hadn’t opened up to you much at all, and he was terrified of confessing his feelings to someone he only had ever fucked, he couldn’t continue on with this career because his addiction was now you.
You should have known better than to answer the door because as you woke up the next morning with a sore body, an empty bed and no sign or explanation from Rafe. You should have expected this and him telling you he couldn’t work anymore because he couldn’t get you off his mind was a bunch of bullshit. He told you from the start he loved pussy too much to ever quit, and you should have stopped falling for him right there. You may been acting on high emotions, but you picked up your phone and began texting him.
Rafe’s phone had been on silent when he had met with his agent and manager. He flat out told them that he was done and they laughed, an amused look on both of their faces. The ‘pussy slayer’ was retiring at 30? There was no way. Everyone knew how much he loved pussy, I mean.. what else was he gonna do? Even if he hadn’t told you much about him, or knew much about you, he knew what he felt for you was enough for him to find a new purpose in life. He knew he said he needed to take baby steps because this was all new to him, but he was tired of the jealousy he constantly felt, the way he couldn’t get you off his fucking mind. He had to show you how he felt and then would let everything fall into place after, it could have been a reckless decision but he didn’t care.
‘I don’t expect a relationship with you, but when you come to my house and tell me that I’m yours just to dip off without any explanation is bullshit Rafe. I can’t do these games with you anymore. You wanna focus on work so bad. Fine. So will I.’
You had blocked him after you sent it, whether it was right or wrong. You didn’t want to, in fact it hurt you to think about Rafe not being in your life. What hurt worse though was how this man had ruined you to the point he never left your mind, that every time he shot a scene with someone else you were filled with nothing but jealousy, and that you couldn’t continue on knowing he would constantly feed you this shit so that he could get a nut in a few times a week. Your insecurities were becoming overshadowed by fear, because you had no idea what Rafe had just done.
You had a feeling you knew who it was by the heavy knocks on your door. You didn’t want to answer and you wanted to tell him to go away. Your own body betrayed you as you began walking over to the door to answer it. He better have a damn good reason on why he was here after his little Houdini act he pulled.
“You wanna block me now?” Rafe asked, stepping through the door without another thought.
You shrugged, arms crossed over your chest as you challenged him. “Why does it matter Rafe? I should have never got my feelings involved with someone who only cares about fucking on camera and getting money from it.” You told him, avoiding his gaze. Maybe it was your own fault because he didn’t know exactly how you felt, but he certainly didn’t make it easy for you. When he whispered sweet shit in your ear it made you feel like you could tell him that you were falling for him. It would then reel back to you being afraid of rejection because he would disappear, or talk about how he loved his career too much to ever quit.
“Do you even know what I was doing? I was firing my agent and my manager because I told them I was done fucking doing porn.” He said, causing your eyes to meet his.
You didn’t believe him. There was no way the man who was obsessed with sex and couldn’t even give you a real reason on why he became a pornstar in the first place had really quit. You laughed, did he really think you were that dumb? “You are lying. You’ve hit an all time low if you think that you can tell me something like that just to fuck me again.” You said with a scoff.
Rafe did a lot of punk shit to try and hide his feelings from you, but this wasn’t something he would joke about. He laughed, shaking his head. “You think I’m lying? I fuckin quit because I love you!” He said, blurting it out before he stopped himself. It was like once he said it, he couldn’t stop the rest from flowing as he continued on. “You don’t understand how hard this is for me! This career is the only thing I have had that has made me feel worth something because I fucked everything else up in my life. This is what made me feel invincible and that I could be somebody. I don’t have anyone else because everyone pushed me away due to my choices. Then I meet you and I don’t even fucking know you, but I feel this insane connection that absolutely terrifies me. It scares me the way I feel about you, and that I really should be taking baby steps. I.. I just can’t though. I don’t want to fuck this up like I did everything else, but… I am fucking in love with you and fucking random girls on camera just to get money isn’t worth losing you over.” He told you.
This was the first time Rafe had ever truly been honest with you and you could read it all over his face. You swallowed the lump in your throat as he stepped closer, taking you by the hands as he pulled you closer. “Let me show you.” He whispered in the softest voice you had ever heard him use. You didn’t know what he meant by that, but there was no way you were turning him away.
No matter how much you loved the brutal sex the two of you shared and we’re sure there was more of that to come, this was an entirely new feeling you both were experiencing. He was being gentle with you for the first time, pouring every ounce of confusing emotions and feelings he had into you. He had you in a deep missionary position, his toned hips grinding into yours as he buried his head in your neck. “You are so goddamn beautiful.” He whispered in a breathy groan.
His cock somehow felt 10 times bigger when he went slow and it was throwing you off at how good this fucking felt. Tears streamed down your face much like the first time he had ever fucked you, but for an entirely different reason. You overwhelmed by love, clinging onto him life a lifeline as you were afraid to let him go. He had ruined you for any other man and right now you were perfectly fine with that. “Rafe… you feel so fucking good..” You whimpered, your eyes rolling back at a little as his tip kept brushing over your g-spot.
Rafe groaned into your smooth skin, his lips traveling across your collarbone and across your jaw line until he met your eyes. He knew he must have really been in love with you because he had never made love and didn’t know he was capable of such a thing. He knew his nasty side was inevitable but he really was determined to show you that he was serious about this.
“Yeah baby, say my fuckin name. That’s yours to say. All yours… my sweet angel.” His words firm but genuine as his lips ghosted over yours. The way you made him feel was better than any drug or any career, and he knew no matter how scary this was for him, you were his girl without a doubt.
The tears flowed even more as he said that, your eyes falling into his ocean ones as his cock explored every inch of you. Your lower tummy fluttered and head spun as you felt an insane orgasm approaching. “Rafe… you’re gonna make me cum. Please don’t stop.. please.” You nearly begged him, manicured nails digging into the skin of his back.
Rafe had always prided himself for being able to go many rounds before cumming. He was so overwhelmed with love, that he knew he was wasn’t going to last long. “I’m not baby, I fuckin got you. Yeah? Cum all over my cock.” He whispered against your lips before pulling you in for a deep kiss.
You couldn’t help but sob at his words, trying your best to focus on the kiss as your orgasm started to take over. You screamed his name, not caring who heard, as this moment was way too important. You shuddered against him, wrapping your legs around his waist to trap him in as his thrusts started to get sloppy. He didn’t know what you had done to him, but he found himself going back to whisper in your ear as he started slowly coming undone. “I’m gonna fuckin fill you up baby, this is all for you..” He breathed out, voice rugged as his nuts tightened and eyes rolled back at your cunt still squeezing him in.
Rafe’s groans were sweet music to your ears as his seed warmed your insides, this time followed by a gentle raspy voice whispering against your skin. “I love you..” He told you, the butterflies hitting your belly and your face breaking out into a beautiful smile.
“I love you.” You whispered back.
Rafe hadn’t said that to someone or heard it back since before he had lost his family. This was the first girl he had ever felt this way about and while the two of you may have been jumping into something that was unclear and had a lot of questions that needed to be answered, he knew this was all worth it.
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