#I had posted this on twitter and deleted it because it was vent art from back in like. Ohhh I forget. Must have been january

[naturecalls111]

on liking girls

[lintwriting]

I'm making this post to compile the Weibo allegations against Jullian Champenois, the voice actor for Kim Kitsuragi, since I found navigating the screenshots to be a bit confusing. I've translated some of them to the best of my ability and would definitely be open to others reviewing these translations for errors, as I am Chinese American and therefore could be missing some cultural context. I've linked to Chinese definition websites to explain some of the translation choices that are more inferences.

The rest of the translations are from 阿阮 @woon__ton on twitter, who has been in contact with the original Weibo poster to ask for permission for their translated reposts, as well as permission for my repost here.

Outline of the Weibo Post

The allegations originated from a post on Weibo by a Chinese artist. The body of the post contains a summary of their experience, and attached are:

Screenshots of their personal Instagram DMs with Jullian

A screenshot of an older post where they express feeling weary about Jullian's DMs

Screenshot of vent messages demonstrating how this experience has affected their work.

After posting, other commenters chimed in with similar experiences, and this caused the original poster to update the original post.

They first updated it with a screenshot showing them blocking Jullian Champenois

Next, a testimony from a commenter

A second testimony from another commenter

Screenshots of DMs from that second commenter

*Update: Additional testimony from the original poster

The Body of the Original Weibo Post

Below will be screenshots of the body of the original Weibo post, with translations from @woon__ton on twitter.

(via 阿阮 @woon__ton on twitter)

This text was later edited to update about the additional testimonies and to add greater context. The added context explains how the Weibo poster could tell that Jullian Champenois's DMs were targeted, unprofessional, and sexual in nature, as the poster had gone through a similar situation before with another creator. The updated context is translated below.

* I realized something was wrong so quickly because I had a similar experience at the end of 2019. Scott lobdell, a DC comic writer and screenwriter of Happy Death Day, came back to like my drawings and privately messaged me after I followed him on Instagram. His account at that time was nuked (chinese internet slang for when accounts get banned or suddenly have all their content taken down) [so I can't access the logs anymore], so I don’t remember the content of the chat, but for specific news discussions, you can google the keyword “Scott Lobdell sex harrasment”. This situation is very common in the industry. They deliberately prey on people from their fan lists.

For context, Scott Lobdell, from what I can tell, would hit on young female artists working at the same cons as him, both in person and in text messages, with implications of him holding his position in the industry over them.

Although the Weibo poster can no longer access the log of Scott's harassment of them because his account got banned/deleted (at least, I think that's what the usage of 'nuke' is saying, they could also be saying that their own account got nuked), they note how their chat with Jullian Champenois was reminiscent of the same conversation they had with Scott Lobdell—a man known and 'retired' for his harassment of young female artists.

Lobdell's harassment is a good example for context due to how he demonstrates the inappropriateness of 'flirting' and hitting on young female artists in professional contexts.

1. Screenshots of their personal DMs with Jullian Champenois

Below are the screenshots of the Instagram DMs the Weibo Poster had with Julllian Champenois. Note the profile picture, as his profile picture will look the same across other screenshots with him in it.

Also note the way the conversation starts out polite, focused on both of their respective arts. Then he shifts the conversation to sexual topics, first by mentioning his explicit song, then by suddenly bringing up an explicit art account, @ken_chk, they were both following. The Weibo poster steers the conversation away from these topics.

They also mention this in the comments, but they find the fact that he asked their age, ethnicity, and sexuality afterwards to also be suspicious/sexual in nature. The sentiment being "Why would the artist's age matter?" or "Why would you fixate on me potentially being 17 years old when I've mentioned college graduation finals?" or "Why would you ask that if not for sexual reasons?"

@woon__ton on twitter notes that he is seemingly consistently looking for college aged girls, and other commenters/victims got the sense that the strange insistent questions about nationality were related to "yellow fever."

2. Weibo Screenshot of an older post where they express feeling weary about Jullian's Dms

The next attached photo was a screenshot of a Weibo post the Weibo poster had made in 2023. I'm assuming that in this screenshot that they're talking about Jullian Champenois, since this whole post is about him.

First I'll be transcribing the translation. Then I'll be clarifying the idioms/translation choices with asterisks, before giving an overall summary of the screenshot.

Feel free to skip to the 2. Summary section, as the translation clarification section is a little long.

“It reminds me a bit of my PTSD, the last time I was praised in private [instagram] DMs it was the Scott Lobdell [situation] where [he] later disappeared from the internet for some reason[.] I don't remember the reasoning, but at the time I had suddenly felt that he was kind of creepy so I indirectly lost my interest on Jason Todd(桶 is the Chinese nickname of Todd/Red Hood, Lobdell was the writer of n52 Redhood comic). It was not a good experience haha..." * "I feel that there is a cultural difference where Chinese people may take getting sent private messages out of nowhere a bit harder. It may also be a me problem. Maybe I am a Sakura girl at heart (internet slang, sakura is the culture symbol of Japan so it’s the nickname of Japanese girl, they tend to be a little bit more shy and social in a more careful and polite way to avoid offending anyone, no negative meaning behind this). uneasy desu ('I am anxious' but using the word desu to stand in for "I am")" "I don't remember the timeline, but it seemed like someone in the industry accused him of sexually harassing young female artists." “As a result, even when I am excited, I am still very wary of people because I have become disillusioned."

*UPDATE: I have updated this post''s translation with clarification from the Weibo poster.

I translated a phrase as "pulled up carrot," but it was actually the transliteration of Scott Lobdell's name into Chinese. I translated a phrase as "climbing the wall" "bucket," but it was actually the Chinese fandom term for 'no longer liking' and the Chinese name for Jason Todd.

In addition, I translated Sakura Girl as (slang based on Japanese animation, meaning a delicately stupid young girl) but the poster has clarified that Sakura girl is not supposed to have a deprecating connotation. The focus is on shyness or politeness, not stupidity!

I will keep my first translations in the next few paragraphs in to maintain transparency and to keep some necessary information, but they are no longer accurate. The paragraphs in brackets can be skipped over.

[[[[[The full idiom goes "the pulled up carrot also pulls up mud," or the idea that investigating a criminal who was arrested first can lead to the exposure of other criminals. The same way pulling a carrot out will pull loose some dirt, exposing one person may also dig up dirt on their associates.

With the mention of "later disappeared from the internet," I think the Weibo poster was referencing Scott Lobdell, whose account was nuked and who also had privately DM'd them with praise/sexual advances. The implication could be that the last time they got DM'd like this, it was in a creepy way and they were too afraid to speak out for fear of getting attacked/exposed themselves. Or that he disappeared to avoid getting exposed. This paragraph is a little unclear.

The 'pulled up carrot' situation might also have something to do with the explicit artist, ken_chk, mentioned in the DMs with Jullian. The weibo poster clarifies in a later edit that they didn't censor @ken_chk's handle in the screenshots because ken_chk was also embroiled in a sexual scandal involving targeting his fans.

"*About why I didn't delete the artist Ken mention in the chat history—because he was the reason why I raised the alarm. One of the reasons is that I read something about his character on Weibo about a few months ago. I just forgot to unfollow him on Instagram. I can’t find any evidence about what he did, but the Internet has testimonies, so I won't write it off." "* Regarding the artist Ken, the matter has been issued with the consent of the person involved. According to the person involved, Ken will also select fans to target. Please see the person’s experience for details"

So another implication could be that Jullian bringing up such a shady person in the DMs unprompted demonstrates his shady associations. Jullian is the 'carrot pulling up the mud' by doing so.

For context, the poster had felt the need to disavow ken_chk by clarifying that they had only been still following ken_chk by accident. Jullian still following him and even bringing him up unprompted could be a bad look in light of the similar allegations of misconduct surrounding both him and ken_chk.

I am unsure though, as I am not very familiar with this idiom, nor am I familiar with the allegations against ken_chk listed here. I could be totally misinterpreting this line of the post and the ken_chk edit, as I've had to infer some pronouns and commas that weren't originally there due to the nature of Chinese grammar.

'Climbing the wall,' in addition to cheating, can seem to mean getting over obstacles in various contexts, like getting over the firewall to pirate stuff. However, I've translated it as 'cheating' as there's the word "bucket" that follows it. Bucket is also a word for 'trash,' so it'd make sense to translate it as 'cheating trash.'

Later another victim who responded in the comments accounted that by sexually harassing them, Jullian Champenois was also potentially cheating on his girlfriend that they knew he had at the time, lending more credence to the idea that wall climbing comment is about Jullian, though I am still unsure.]]]]]

2. Summary Section

I think this post was first made right after Jullian first messaged the Weibo poster with the innocent messages about their art back in October 2023, months before the more recent sexual DMs from him on March 30th, 2024.

Despite the polite nature of these October DMs, the Weibo poster was weary of Jullian's DMs in this first 2023 post, mentioning how in the past they had gotten similar DMs from Scott Lobdell, only for those complimentary DMs to later be revealed as openings for sexual advances. Their 'PTSD,' as they put it.

In addition, they note a potential cultural difference between Chinese netizens and Western/English-speaking ones. It might be a bigger deal in China to get send someone DMs. Maybe it's more intimate/intimidating/professional, in contrast to it potentially being more casual in the West.

With the summary out of the way, I do want to say that some Western netizens have responded to the later DMs with the sentiment of "these are not examples of harassment, just flirting in bad taste," but this could be related to the cultural mismatch the poster mentioned here.

Getting flirted with in the DMs is very normal to a lot of people in the West, as 'sliding into their DMs' is synonymous with flirting, but perhaps in China, either this is not the norm or Jullian's type of flirting is not the norm, especially within the context of a professional art account.

If you find yourself thinking the same way as those western netizens, I'd ask you to reframe Jullian's DMs less as a casual instagram DM, and more like a work slack or LinkedIn message from a colleague/client, as the DMs we have been/will be talking about are in the context of their own work or hiring him for work. This should help you get a better sense of why the victims felt uncomfortable.

3. Screenshot of Weibo poster's vent messages demonstrating how this has affected their work

The next attached photo was a screenshot of vent texts. I'm not sure the context of the texts, but the content is definitely about their regrets with Jullian Champenois.

Why shouldn't I just be frank and rant a little? I want to be so woke (as in another way to say clear-headed, not related to American progressive slang) that you'll see me awake, anaesthesia-free on the operating table when they cut me open[.] Do you get me[?] Well Any way you look at it, I'm miserable On top of all this, I've got a big graduation project that's in comic form. That comic was adapting the poem that is currently acting as my temporary nicotine replacement for my disco elysium withdrawals*** So I would listen to [Jullian Champenois's] songs at the time God, it hurts so much Luckily, my nicotine replacement was for another character (they're probably saying that the poem reminded them of another disco elysium character, not Kim Kitsuragi, hence their relief) For a moment there, I was thinking of to talking to him about my graduation project and about disco elysium.

*** So I'm making the assumption that the original poster is talking about a graduation project that they're working on. Since they're an artist, it's a comic that they're making. They then say something about an original poem. They use the word that means "original" in the context of adaptation, like the original book a movie is based off of. So the full phrase is 'the comic's original poem,' which I'm taking to mean that they're adapting a poem into comic form.

This is relevant because I think they're trying to say that the poem is currently the thing they're obsessing over while waiting for more Disco Elysium content. They use the term "meal replacement," which seems to be a Chinese fandom term referring to the content people look at during a fandom drought—like people hitting the end of all the Disco Elysium content out there and deciding to check out Pathologic, since they've heard that game scratches the same itch.

So I think this screenshot is supposed to be them venting their feelings about how this situation with Jullian made them feel. They want to be clear-headed about his actions, even if it makes them feel miserable. And they note how his actions have tainted their experience working on a Disco Elysium-inspired comic.

1. Screenshot of the Weibo Poster Blocking Jullian Champenois

After talking with other commenters, the Weibo poster posted their closing remarks with Jullian Champenois, especially noting how he used their work and their interest in his work as a pretense for flirting with them instead of genuine artistic interest.

2. Next, testimony from a commenter

(translation via 阿阮 @woon__ton on twitter)

阿阮 @woon__ton also notes that "If anyone questions why I didn't release the screenshots, it's because this fan suffered severe trauma and was unable to provide the original chat log."

3. A second testimony from another commenter

Hello blogger, I also suffered sexual harassment from Jullian at the end of last year. Because my friends know that I like Disco Elysium very much, [they] said [they] could give me an autograph. I was very excited and happy at the time. A few days later, Jullian himself said that he could add me on WeChat, so I could directly tell him what I wanted him to sign. I was so happy and felt very lucky. After that, he was always very polite and took the initiative to chat with me, but within a few days he started to sexually harass me. I can't find the chat records from that time, only one or two that were sent to friends. I was very disillusioned at the time…so I blocked him, but he added me on New Year's Day. After I saw your Weibo, I remembered this incident again. He was really disgusting… I loved Disco Elysium so much, but he ruined it all. Okay, I hope you can share this. He is a habitual criminal and has yellow fever, and likes to chat up Chinese girls. At the same time last year, I searched for his name on Weibo and found that many people who followed him on Instagram were greeted by him. Everyone thought he was very nice, but that‘s not the case. When I first added him, I didn't expect him to talk to me a lot. Because it was such a surprise, I expressed a lot of my love for Disco Elysium and Kim. He asked me if I knew about Kim's sexuality. When I told him that I knew, he emphasized that he was a straight man, and then asked a lot about exchanging private information. After he sexually harassed me, I couldn't even tell him off for it because my friend was_____, I was waiting until he left _____ before I could block him. After I rejected him, he was still interested in striking up another conversation. I said that I knew he had a girlfriend, and it was very strange to do this. He said that his girlfriend didn't care and knew that he was doing it, which 'was its own kind of fun.' Made me feel very sick.

4. DM Screenshots from the Second Commenter

This commenter then submitted DMs that Jullian had sent them. The original poster has shared them, noting that the profile pic is clearly Jullian's.

This commenter also commented that the friends they had mentioned also had similar experiences with Jullian Champenois, which could push the number of victims to 4+.

I'd also like to share a comment on the original Weibo post from this same commenter:

"This incident did not affect my playing of Disco Elysium (the voice will be turned off hhh), but I really felt a huge spiritual pain, like my faith was completely shattered, like the statue of the Innocence in the church turned into a smelly rotten rag."

Additions

In addition, there is a testimony from a third person not attached on the post, which @woon__ton posted on twitter. It can be found here, and it outlines how an anonymous user paid Jullian in a professional context to voice for a product for her, only for him to make an unprofessional advance on her. Although the harassment is not directly shown in the WeChat screenshot, his apology for his inappropriate behavior is shown.

This testifier would like to remain anonymous.

*5 Update: Additional Testimony from the original poster on Weibo

The original poster is emphasizing the predatory nature of Jullian's DMs, differentiating them from the "just awkward flirting" narrative that some Western/English speaking people have had in response to these allegations.

First of all, his "yellow fever" aspect of specifically asking about Chinese girls, who are often fetishized to be more shy/submissive/less likely to talk. But in this case, it's also him specifically being inappropriate with people for whom there is a language/cultural barrier, making it harder for them to speak out—either due to a literal language barrier between them and his Western audience, or the plausible deniability of all this being a 'cultural misunderstanding' (which is very unlikely, since Jullian has apparently lived in China and therefore is very aware of the norms there).

Second of all, his usage of a professional/work account to make sexual advances. Again, comparisons to the Scott Lobdell situation should be made, as they highlight why it's sleazy to use their work as an excuse/opening to make sexual advances on someone. Not only does it cross boundaries, but it's also not treating the artist with the respect they deserve as someone just trying to work.

Closing

The Weibo poster would prefer if people not follow them on Weibo over this situation, as they posted the situation on their work/professional art account, and it is painful for them to see too many notifications about this.

They also note that they still love Disco Elysium and Kim Kitsuragi and that the allegations against Jullian Champenois should not reflect on the dev team of Disco Elysium, as there were also women working on the team, etc.

With this post, I've tried my best to accurately convey the sentiments of the original poster of the Weibo without commenting on the proof or the legality or what the ramifications should be or how we should interpret this, etc (beyond a quick mention of a potential cultural clash). I'll update the post with better translations if something comes up or if anybody mentions any suggestions/clarifications.

[huntinglove]

How to get away from antiship spaces (mostly)

Warnings: Long post, antis mention, mentions of pedophilia, rape, self harm and gore (none show, not descriptive)

Have you recently learned that you align yourself with the proship label? Would you like to get away from antis as safely as you can? Here's what I've learned, as an ex anti:

1. It may be hard, but try to get rid of/abandon your accounts where you used to interact with antis.

This is one of the hardest steps because having a lot of followers can be discouraging, but it's the safest approach in this situation, because if antis see you following or interacting with proshippers they WILL question you about it and depending on how you tackle their asks they'll throw you to the wolves and publicly "warn" people about you so people can mass report your account/harass you

This applies to anything; Tumblr blogs, Twitter profiles, Discord servers, if you've interacted with antis block them and delete your account if you decide to adopt the proship label

Antis constantly claim that they don't harass people but as soon as someone drops the anti label they dogpile them and call them "traitors" as well as their usual buzzwords to catch people's attention, it's better to pull the plug directly than just rebrand your account

1.5. If you REALLY want to keep your account because you've used it for a long time or because it works as a portfolio, please create a different account to post about proship content

If you make a new account remember to block your anti mutuals/followers from your main account before you start posting, art styles can be very unique and easy to spot similarities in, as well as typing patterns and reoccurring emojis/symbols

If there's the option to, keep your profile private until you've built a steady environment for yourself, if you prefer to keep your profile private permanently that's also a good option!

Remember, your safety matters more than numbers on a screen!

2. This one should go without saying but, please don't share much of your trauma/mental health issues/triggers with people online in general, but especially not with antis

I used to talk about my struggles and vent publicly a lot, antis would stalk my accounts and send me all types of fucked up content.

I've had people send me rape videos and threats, people telling me I deserved the abuse I went through, people would send me gore and self harm images, as well as suicide tutorials.

They can and will use all of it to their advantage, they're restless and will dig up even decade old posts if they feel it'll be useful for them. It can and will take a toll on your mental health, so please save yourself the trouble and only open up with people you genuinely trust and feel safe talking to!

You're not alone, but please don't let dangerous people take advantage of you when you're at a bad spot

3. Keep an eye on your followers, especially if your profiles are public. There are always some things to look out for to make sure your followers aren't antis pretending to be proshippers

According to my personal experience, here's some red flags to look out for:

A.Antis think that the word proship means problematic ship, so they'll refer to pairings as "a proship"

Most proshippers dislike this terminology because it comes from an incorrect definition and usually avoid it

B. TikTok antis specifically come up and use a lot of emoji combos, creating meanings for them and usually adding one or two combos that are actually known to proshippers, along with some never seen before

A lot of the time they use it to identify themselves, a sign that means "I'm not actually a proshipper, just baiting"

I've also seen antis use the clover emoji in combos, inspired by the "clovergender/cloversexual" scam that 4channers came up with, to make it seem like the LGBTQ+ community was welcoming to offending pedophiles. Antis do this because they assimilate the proship label with problematic ships, mostly age gaps/underage content

C. Their account is brand new but they already follow a lot of proshippers. This is usually because they'll follow proshippers who've been posted on a blocklist, usually in the exact order that they've been listed too

If they're on Tumblr, they'll usually keep the people they follow public, so that other antis can find and harass those proshippers

D. Keep an eye on their follow list. Like stated above, they'll usually keep it public and 9 times out of 10 there will be an out of place antiship account, it's most likely their main profile/account/blog

E. They'll use their usual buzzwords on their own posts

For example, if they're trying to mimic a proselfship account they'll post pictures of underage characters and caption it things like "omg i'm such a pedo" and tag their post with proship related tags

Of course this doesn't apply to everyone, so it's always important to take context into consideration, as well as how many of these red flags may apply.

And lastly, please remember that the block button is your friend.

If someone's interacting with you and something about them seems/feels off, block and move on

[mrs-monaghan]

Another entry. Firstly, Still With Me? Did JK release a new song that I didn’t know about? Secondly, I would rather speculate that a song is about someone then a hand gesture that a lot of people do.

I saw them coming at us for paying attention to numbers and 11/08 even though that's way more real than whatever tf this is. Like... aren't they embarrassed????

Anyway guys, I have an announcement to make.

Attention please!

Thank u ☺☺

Okay so I've been getting alot of frustrated asks mad at tkkrs and antis on twitter, right? Unfortunately I tend not to post them because I don't wanna bring too much negativity on this blog. Especially when some of those things are vile AF. Anyway, the point of this post is, My friends and I are in a Jikook discord and a few of us do this thing on twitter where we fight antis and shit especially when they come to Jikook spaces.

As we know recently a big Jikook account with 15k followers was attacked the other day for liking a post from an anti. But she had no idea that person was one. She just liked the post coz it was Jikook related. It's an easy mistake to make, really. She tried apologising and explaining she'd blocked the anti but these assholes didn't listen. They went though her profile and started commenting under all her regular, normal tweets that she was an anti and should be ashamed of herself or whatever. They were determined to give her no peace whatsoever.

When called out themselves, one account shamelessly said that they were antis and proud. That they didn't pretend that they don't hate Jimin. This really made me mad. It's not the first time they've been quite proud of the Jimin hate they partake in. Tkk accounts will gets thousand of likes on a post hating on Jimin and this ain't right. An anon sent in an ask venting about us being cowards and I agree. They attack Jikookers and these jkkrs end up deleting their Jikook posts. THIS SHIT AIN'T RIGHT!!! Its not.

They do this thing where they move in balk. My friends and I tried to back this account up. Encouraged her not to let them get to her. But it dont matter that 5 people are on your side if 30 people are telling you to kill yourself its just... /sigh/

This account is still running. But they had to unfollow everyone they follow and start from scratch. This ain't right guys. Its just not fair no matter how u look at it. I think we need to start giving tkkrs the same energy they give us.

Simply ignoring them is NOT working. We don't go to them, they come to us. I think its time Jikookers fought fire with fire. Which is why I'm making this post. A few of us had the idea to create a Jikook fighting discord.

If you are reading this and are tired of taking shit lying down. If you have wanted to fight these people but you were worried that you are just one person and won't make a difference. If you see the Jimin hate and wish there was something you could do about it, I come with an offer. Fuck tkkrs. Fuck antis. Fuck solos and fuck ot7 accounts that call out the vermin but then delete their tweets when they start to loose followers. Fuck all these people. Lets do something about this, ourselves.

Tkkrs are the ones causing chain reactions. If they didn't attack Jimin, Jimin solos wouldn't attack V and JK. (Yesterday I saw an art of JK with a dirty diaper and I just...🤮) If they shipped in peace and didn't attack Jimin literally all this shit wouldn't be happening.

I say we give them a taste of their own medicine. So if you see this post and you agree that enough is enough, then come join us here.

If you can't join then spread the word. Time to defend Kookmin and Koominers. Fuck this shit. The vermin have ran rampant for long enough. Photoshopping Jimin getting blown by band pd wasn't enough. Now they're editing him into porn. Guys, they've go10 too comfortable. Let's do something!

1) Create a separate twitter account before you join us. Safer not to use your main

2) ONLY Jikookers allowed in this discord. If you are not one of us we will know.

See you soon. I hope some of you consider. This shit has to stop. Kookminers assemble!!

Bless 💜

[ship-discourse-confessions]

Hey!! Are you a proshipper? Are you an anti? Please read this post, I want engagement from as many people of as many different opinions as possible!

I have a question that I made a temporary sideblog for because I’ve gotten completely different answers depending on who I ask this question (pro vs anti ship)

I fundamentally disagree with a lot of the “talking points” on either side, so I’m not really sure which camp I fit into (and the one I’m assigned usually changes to the opposite of whoever I’m talking to). So I thought it’d be really interesting to see what people have to say about this. I dunno, I like talking, and discussing media. Talk to me about media.

I’ve sorted these into two sections: opinions usually grouped with “proshippers” and opinions usually grouped with “antis.”

Proship Opinions:

Censorship is bad.

We should not censor the internet and banning legal content here is fruitless. It just doesn’t work, and it takes away efforts from restricting actually harmful content.

Harassment is also bad.

Even when the person being harassed is objectively disgusting and vile.

There is never any excuse to tell someone to kill themself. This feels so obvious, why are we even arguing this.

Restricting the content allowed on some sites (AO3) is kinda stupid.

FF.net and Wattpad are living examples of what happens when you restrict written content: it still gets in, but this time completely untagged and with no warning.

I hate AO3’s current policy and I don’t use the site because of that, but the alternative is so much worse, especially considering they can’t afford the extensive mod team that would require.

Just use the block button.

Getting all bent out of shape in someone’s askbox because of their content is completely pointless. You just exhaust yourself and waste your own energy thinking about this person when they definitely don’t give a fuck what you, some bitch on the internet, think of their content.

The easiest solution for your own wellbeing is just to block them and move on. Then you can never think about them again.

Fictional content is never the same as the real thing, and it’s insulting to survivors to insinuate it is.

No children are harmed by the creation of fictional content. Comparing it to real CP is a slap in the face to real survivors.

The concept of “problematic content” being bad by design is kinda dumb.

There are ways to handle anything in fiction tastefully. Your story can cover topics of sexual abuse, murder, exploitation, etc. without being “problematic.”

The reason for the content’s creation and posting greatly changes how it should be viewed and how the creator should be treated.

I’m reminded of Alfred’s Playhouse. It’s so obviously a cry for help, but everyone ignored it because of the gross and shocking subject matter shown. The creator is a disgusting person, but that is unrelated to her creation of Alfred’s Playhouse, a representation of her own real experiences.

It’s… So obvious to me when someone is suffering and using art to vent or call for help. These people aren’t the people we should be talking about when we discuss the handling of sensitive topics in fiction.

Anti Opinions:

The things you create/enjoy completely change the way I view you as a person, fundamentally.

I don’t think you can be a good person and enjoy thinking about fictional children being molested.

I cut people off if I find out they secretly enjoy this content.

Including ex-friends. It hurts and I feel betrayed, but I was not friends with, nor will I ever be friends with, someone who enjoys (whatever).

I think people deserve to know if one of their favorite artists is secretly into something reprehensible.

If a big artist I like had a secret twitter where they posted incest porn, I would be pissed if someone who knew didn’t tell me.

AO3 sucks.

Specifically because of their policy on RPF in reference to (underage) streamers. If someone requests that the NSFW content featuring them be deleted, AO3 should delete it. If someone goes to AO3 and requests they take down a specific fic about them, AO3 should delete it. But they didn’t, and they don’t. So I don’t use AO3.

“Problematic content” should be criticized when it is handled in offensive ways.

There are ways to handle topics such as child abuse, sexual exploitation, etc. tastefully and respectfully to victims, but when creators fail to do this, they deserve to have their treatment of the subject pointed out.

SEE MY ABOVE POINT ABOUT CREATORS WHO ARE SUFFERING, vent art does not fucking count and pointing out the way someone handles their own real experiences in their vent art makes you an asshole.

Proshipping as I’ve seen it looks like such an unhealthy coping mechanism.

To my knowledge, “shipping” means that you enjoy the dynamic between two (or more) characters, typically in a romantic or sexual way. Enjoying the romantic or sexual dynamic between a minor and an adult you headcanon to be grooming them is… So beyond fucked.

This is 100% not my business and I’m never gonna tell someone this, but it’s an opinion I personally hold that I’ve seen attached to antis before.

[egg-emperor]

You're very right in the tags of that one post. Toxic positivity is just as bad as toxic negativity, sometimes worse due to the handling of constructive criticism because of can-do-no-wrong attitude that stifles growth and creativity.

That ever-growing toxicity combined with this weird form of puritanism that has people harassing and dogpiling on others if they dare have an independent thought outside the hivemind is what's forcing me away from the Sonic fandom and never returning again, despite how much I love Eggman. I've already stopped reblogging Sonic art on my main blog and interacting with the fandom at large outside of a close circle of trusted friends across social media, they're the only thing even keeping that dying flame for this series stoked. I'm almost ready to delete it all and revamp my main blog theme to distance myself further. It hurts to know I'm no longer welcome in something that has been a major part of my life since I started gaming, something I've seen grow from literally nothing as I grew.

I still enjoy so many things about this series, and I had so much fun with everything up until this point, but being pushed out and treated like you're worse than trash for disagreeing with one thing feels like a knife being twisted in my heart. I don't want to go, but at this point I feel I have no choice to leave it all behind.

I'm sorry to sound whiny with this all, but I guess I just needed somewhere to vent. Should I consider this my goodbye letter to the Sonic series? Maybe so.

Thanks, Julian. Again, sorry for the vent.

Nah don't apologize, that's exactly how I've been feeling too. There's a big problem with both toxic positivity and negativity in this fandom and I'd say the former has been a much bigger one lately. I wouldn't say any of my criticisms of the latest media I'm not a fan of has been that harsh, aside from the occasional rants where I've been especially worked up and upset.

Most of the time it was just calm criticism that I was being asked to talk about in my inbox, it's not like I was going onto other people's posts and inboxes trying to be negative. But it's just blown up out of proportion because people take offense merely being something they don't want to see, because I see it as anything less than perfect and amazing. And that's where the toxic positivity comes in.

What I do always comes from a place of deep passion and my boldness in expressing true feelings is dismissed as nothing but hatred. Just because again, it's not highly positive endless praise without question or criticism. There's a lot of toxic positivity and also puritanism especially when it comes to my views and creations of Eggman compared to what people would prefer I think and do instead.

I've stepped away from fandom massively too because there isn't much out there that appeals to me anymore. It's a hivemind where you're not allowed to voice different opinions or even state facts as it's immediately taken as an attack. It's full of high praise of everything and intolerance towards people that don't feel the same, they accuse me of being horrible and hateful and trying to attack specific people with things I make on my own blog.

I don't think I'm ever really going to come back either beyond interaction with the small amount of people I still follow that aren't with that crowd and their mindset and either feel the same or accept I feel differently, like I can with them as long as they respect me too. I don't seek out content from anywhere else aside from heavily filtered Tumblr search. I'll never search Eggman on Twitter again for the sake of my sanity lol

While it does help me feel better to not surround myself with things that make me uncomfortable and avoid it as well as I can, it does hurt to leave almost everything behind and not feel welcome amongst the masses just because we can't agree on everything and are open with criticism, no matter how sensible and calm we are about it. I'm going to miss out on the small amount of stuff out there I would like as a result which is sad too.

But then when I'm at my worst after all recent events, I've contemplated deleting everything and leaving because even though there are a few reasons I have to stick around and it's not all bad, it still feels like I don't belong and do everything wrong in some people's eyes and am hated by many and it just makes me miserable with all the constant reminders. It hurts that something that's been so special and important to me almost all my life is now attached to this pain.

It was fun up until this point for me too but now I feel pushed out because of how many places I've been kicked out of and how many I've been blocked by. It really does hurt a lot, how it feels like everything can go wrong just for being yourself and being open and honest about how you feel. It does stifle growth and creativity a lot when different perspectives and ideas are immediately shunned and looked down upon and responded to aggressively.

I don't really want to go either but I've accepted I need to take a step back, as big of a part of my life it was for so long. And I've been considering that I might have to leave official media behind soon as it just feels like there might not be anything for me anymore. Even before shit really hit the fan fandom wise, I started pondering it. Leaving that will hurt even more but I'm trying not to hold on to what hurts or discomforts me and just doesn't bring me the happiness it did before.

If I do have to leave both fandom and official media behind entirely, it will hurt a lot but I still appreciate for the people I still follow, old official content, and sharing my analysis, headcanons, fics, gushing, etc. I'm still passionate as ever about Eggman and love to create from it and share it, that's why I care so much and have such strong opinions and bold ways of expressing it in the first place. It's sad that it had to come to this but I appreciate the good times and memories and I won't let all this stop me from doing what I love.

But yeah you're not alone in this, I feel exactly the same way and I'm saying my goodbye to most of the fandom too and possibly the entire series itself soon with the way things might be going from here.

You're welcome and no need to be sorry 💜

[rikamae]

When I was on Twitter, I made a friend. Can I call her a friend? We were mutuals who drew each other's oc's hanging out and being cute. She is an amazing artist. We bonded over being queer, struggling with our religion, and the basic drama that comes up in Fandom. She's Palestinian.

A year ago, I had retweeted posts from her about Israel's cruelty and sent her a direct message to let her know that I supported her. Together we vented about all of it. How nobody will help because "politics" but it was so much more important than that. I promised to keep spreading the word.

And then, I had to delete Twitter for Mental health reasons. It was a cesspool of negativity and drama. I came back to Tumblr and didn't look back. Until now.

But I resisted because I was scared to know. Was she okay?? Was she alive??? Why can't I help her-

After feeling helpless I swallowed my fear. I downloaded the app. I log in to my account. With tears in my eyes I see that she's posting. No longer is it art and doodles but posts to spread awareness, posts to help Palestine, posts that says she is safe.

I message her. I tell her I love her. I tell her I'm trying my best and when I feel helpless I try even harder. I tell her I pray every day for her, for them, for Palestine and everyone brave enough to take a stand.

I made a promise to my friend. Could you make a promise, too? Promise to keep talking and give them a voice. Promise not to lose hope. Because the people of Palestine are survivors. They refuse to stop. We should do the same. Fight for an end to this evil forced upon innocent people. Never let the people in power forget their complacency.

From the river to the sea Palestine will be free

[khepiari]

Hello, children of lusty void. I need to vent about censorship nonsense brewing up!

[first published as note on a fic of mine that has age gap and child marriage as the plot of romance, this here is an updated version of the author’s note for more people.]

Before the TiffnanyG election debacle, my OTP, and my fellow OTP fandom had been caught between pro-ship vs antis and the whole age gap is problematic idiocy.

Recently, I came across same problems on other fandoms where posts and accounts were created that have been exclusively targeting shippers, creators and consumers on Twitter and Instagram and Tumblr which have “problematic ship” dynamics namely characters with age gaps or have NSFW and other such things.

Look if you have faced bullying because of your ship preference, do not engage for your own mental well-being, report the account, share the account details with your fellow friends from the same ship fandom and do a mass reporting, and don't stop at that, send email to your respective social media companies and take screenshots at every step of it and keep it. In case you find no action has been taken, you can use the screenshots to make your case stronger when you re-report.

Shipping is a personal choice and no one has the right to ship-shame you, if these bullies can't distinguish between fiction and fictional characters and reality, then they are definitely in need of classes on critical reading and thinking. Please read this to understand what Proship means!

Fandom is meant to be a safe space you curate by your own choice where people with similar interest communicate, create, collaborate and fiction is the best way to explore one's ideas; sometimes those ideas can be cringy, problematic, vile or outright scary and that's okay and that’s why Dead Dove: Do Not Eat exists. Because we are channelling our ideas, thoughts and traumas and curiosities and thriving towards a path of self awareness with help of our fan art, fanfic, fic prompts, podfic, fmvs, amvs, animatics, songfic, character role-playing, cosplaying, writing threadfic or just engaging in speculative discussion or just vibing.

Thinking is not a crime, writing or creating creative work is not a crime. As long as you do not harm people in real life or practice the evil elements of your imagination in reality; you are fine as a person. Trust me; my mind is a wonderland of gore and angsty stories where I want characters to burn someone or declaw an animal for the story I am telling, and I have never gone and tied up a lover of mine with leather belts and poured burning liquid wax on them just because I imagined it and assumed it is a language of love, and I have many pets as well whom I will never hurt.

We should never shame shippers or fangirl, fanboys, fanperson for their OTP or headcanons, they are harming no one, if you don't like something, just ignore it!

Before ao3 existed, reading fanfics on Fanfiction dot net was playing a Russian Roulette. All the fics basically came with K, K+, T, M, MA, and it came with a warning Don’t Like it Don’t Read it! And then came the purge, overnight MA content was gone! And worse things happened, people stopped rating their insane stories! Instead of preventing people from reading triggering stuff with the rating, the rating system was used to censor people out and their work deleted!

Having Ao3’s tagging system is a privilege that has been built on years of trial and errors and loss of many stories! We are literally standing on a graveyard of purged and exiled stories! And it is a fanperson/fandom’s duty to make sure that you select your tags wisely and read the tags and story summary. Even after that, if people choose to violate the barricades put to protect them, why should the creators be blamed? [Read this]

And it is an awful and unhealthy attitude to engage with fanworks with so much hate, why would you waste your time hounding people of ships, ficwriters or fanartists you don't like? You cannot change the world with meanness. And how is sending CSEM (child sexual exploitation material) against Ao3 volunteers helping the cause of your protest?

I can understand why many of them oppose and demand content moderation, because of age difference, complicated and complex topics that need supervision and proper understanding before a person delves into them, and of course the NSFW stuff. First, they are fictional. Second, each creator changes or adds their own details in their creation.

Each writer can deal with age gap stories or any kind of topic the way they interpret it! Each artist will put their own twist to NSFW. Soulmate AUs sound loveliest, but they can be a horror story of about predestination vs free will! Yes, Soulmate AU horror story can make people uncomfortable because of the way it is written. Similarly, body possession trope can be a story of transition and self acceptance instead of presenting it as an invasion of body, or it can be written as a story of change!

Context brings clarity. Proship and Antis are by-product of same fandom. So how does these divides crop up? It is simple, people interpret things from different contextual standpoints. Many factors play role into the whole process of thought making; hence the terminology Thought Process. No two minds think the same because no two minds process the same information in the same way. Two people from the same fandom might come to a same fanfic; one for SMUT, while another comes to elongate the established emotional relation they have with the story. One can hate the fanfic for being NSFW and feel it is a corruption of their beloved story, and second others will love it for the NSFW because the OG Work didn’t have anything, and they wanted to read it. Both can be right and both can be wrong at the same time. Contextual reading/consumption is common, it is critically thinking and examining stories what makes aware brains. And by principle I am against censorship, because someone’s world view or imagined discomfort should not take away someone else’s right to express. Even if I don’t like a work of fiction, I will defend its existence. Words on paper [I mean all mediums] don’t hurt people, people hurt people.

Difference lies in how a story or art work is created, and if I had written a Soulmate AU Horror Story with tinted lenses, it definitely could be a read as a predatory story. I understand the concern about running into things that are “bad” in fiction! But not every work of fiction owes people comfort. We write the stories that we think needs to be told. Everyone has a right to be concerned, hence we think like this— “If we don’t let 10 years old into an A+ film in theatre, why should they be exposed to A+ stuff in words and artworks?”

Hence, the tags have been put up for better navigation. Hence, we have warnings and rating on Netflix screen when we turn on Squid Games. You cannot read a Mature story on Ao3 without consenting to read it. Many will argue —“But the trigger warnings and tags were not properly done.” No, you can’t expect every author to tag every possible thing that can trigger a reader. The trigger warnings are in place to give you a heads-up, a moment to understand what you are getting into, and should be used it as indication. No writer or creator wants to hurt you, we all write and create something because we love and want to share joy. How are people reacting to books in real life? Do you think Little Red Riding Hood should have a trigger warning for people with Lupophobia or Thanatophobia because Red Riding gets eaten by the wolf? And what about its rendition at the hands of Angela Carter, where beastiliy is written and printed in book form? Shape of Water has Monsterfucking, people knew about a monster from teaser, but not about the fucking. Like life, literature [including fanfics] are full of surprises, and we might not like many of them, it is part of growing up not just 16 turning 17 then 18, then 19; no you have to face shitty stuff your entire life because growing up is painful. And not liking something is a natural reaction, sometimes the dislike is overwhelming, and turns into rage and revulsion and yet you should not demand censorship!

Censorship kills creativity. If we give an inch to the voices of “but what about this and this group of people who suffered?” we open a crack to a system that is meant to preserve. The group who suffered, suffered at the hands of real physical people. A book murdered no one until it was held by a hand that saw it as a weapon, similarly reading/watching a “vile” fanfic or fanart could damage no one in real life, because there is no direct action and reaction that left consequences. Archive of Our Own is an ARCHIVE. It is meant to digitally preserve everything ever created in it, and slowly they are bringing in other fan works that are in danger of extinction as more and more people are capitalizing on the internet like it is real estate. And Ao3 was never meant to be the only fanspace! Tumblr used to be one, look what the purge did! When you implant censorship, you are pushing creators who are already marginalized to the extremes end of the internet. As Kis aka blow_me_a_kiss on Twitter said, Ao3 is not a business that needs a manager for people to complain about every time they run into things that don’t align with certain world views, it is a collective. This is how things and institutes and systems are meant to run publicly! You have to learn to curate your own reading/entertainment lists, and you really can’t appreciate the good without having your face slammed by the bad. Why should you or anyone need a pre-formed judgement about things they consume; reviews, kudos, comments, praises are all there to show what people felt after coming in contact with a creation, it is not a universally common experience! Hence, some people love Inception and hail it as masterpiece, while some people like me find it very basic storytelling. You have to have learn to face the bad! You must. Censorship is not about protecting the vulnerable! It never was, censorship has always been about exercising power over the vulnerable one. It takes a lot of courage and time for creators to present their beloved works to the world. Remember what happened to Isabal Fall? All she did was write a story, and people’s inbuilt fears and apprehensiveness turned into bullying which they projected on her, and she was forced to out herself! The same happened to Becky Albertalli author of Simon Vs The Homo Sapien Agenda.

I request you all not to engage with so much hate, I have been shipper/fanperson since I was 13 and been active on internet since 18! I began working on fics when my first ship was a rare pair, I am 29 today, and it is one of the biggest ships; biggest queer ships in my fandom!

Because of this OTP, I have made many friends and read amazing fictions and seen glorious fanarts and doujinshi and watch cosplayers do beautiful concept photography.

Please do not be mean and rude and do not bully people because you don't like something.

Death threats are not cool, they hurt, and can suck away a joy of participation from people. Even if the account you are bullying has an anime/manga image with no real name, there is a real person behind the screen.

Be kind.

Be kind.

Be fucking aggressively kind!

[nyxzee]

i debated putting this on my art blog but as a point i've been vocal about this shit since it happened and i'm still fucking livid about it all despite how fucking long ago it was. this is going to be linked in my pinned posts so as a heads up, warning for all types of abuse, self harm (including a detailed description), suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, overdose mentions, intense mental health shit, ableist narratives and gore along with mistreatment from the fandom

hi, i'm nyx, this blog used to be called emeridan and my old main was bardofmotherfuck - i was one of the gamzee fans who was sent gore, the wish i kill myself, and other abuse for identifying with gamzee. this wasn't a "oh lol funny clown he's goofy like me" i identify with him due to abuse trauma, due to being an addict and mentally ill. because i was hurt deeply by religion and losing my faith caused me to fall into bad fucking shit. to slightly minor extents i identify due to the friendship and romantic issues he had, fuck gamzee makara even had me, a then 20something realize i was bisexual and nonbinary! to a more intense one i identify with him because his agency was taken away and he was made a slave to other peoples horrific intentions - which isn't fun as i hope you'd imagine. i used to have a tag for the vent art i did involving the makara line (blood, gore, abuse all in this tag as you'd expect someone with severe trauma to have in vent art)

i'm not unique in this. there are a lot of gamzee fans who dealt with this. it was a huge fucking issue, it happened on msparp too, to the extent they posted about it happening because it was so fucking frequent. there are multiple gamzee fans i used to follow on tumblr who were sent the same and worse shit. i'm not mentioning them because even to the ones still into homestuck content, this shit was traumatic. i'm a petty bitch so as a protest i only drew gamzee for a while! (just in case these are the real time posts from my main: 1, 2), i have this account from 2015 here, i have this mentioned again here. this fandom abuse has been established well for me, it started 9 months into my homestuck art centric blog after all!

i'm still here in spite of people wanting me to kill myself. honestly despite being petty and boastful in still being here about it when it happened i wasn't actually feeling like that in real life. shocking i know. i had an intense cutting period due to it, i'm still scared of having my submit open, i still want to vomit whenever i get an email that anyone's sent me anything. i've seriously considered suicide a lotta times because i was so frequently told i was in the wrong, i've still got methods in mind and whenever i take my regular medication for the chronic pain shit i think things would be better if i flat out just took everything and didn't wake up ever again. a lotta it is real life trauma, but i used and still use homestuck (and especially gamzee) to help with that.

i talk about it whenever i see a brief chance to, i just haven't screamed loudly in a while that this abuse happened. i find screaming that i'm hurt exhausting and i'm still pretty sure someone will end up giving me shit - and for what i'm doing in this fucking post i'm damn fucking sure i've painted a target on myself again. but i don't care. i am who i am, i've been through all the shit life has thrown (and continues to throw) at me.

@ardenttheories posted a thing that includes a message i sent on twitter (on anon of course because i was scared) in this post here. blog's inactive, i dunno anything about ardent and that isn't the point of this. i'm just proving i've been here for a long fucking time and i've seen some fucking horrors. the message was one i sent on twitter and it looks like the op has deleted their account so i can't prove this but i think i've shown that this isn't a thing i've pulled outta my ass because i'm one of the bitter old fans who hates the current team and wants to lie to hurt them.

i actually don't know anyone aside from james roach being involved and the fact kate was asked to rejoin the team. this is mentioned here by sarah who, was in fact part of this problem but of course that doesn't matter because gamzee fans are pigshit (no tag because i don't wanna waste anything on that drivel!). here's a casual reminder of what exactly the pigshit comment is referring to.

i don't think the trauma of gamzee fans trumps the trauma the team got. trauma and fandom abuse is bad all round. it's not fun, it's gross and painful and people who send abuse are fucking monsters. however, the team was a big part in sending a giant fuck you to the trauma gamzee fans have gotten. that's what the problem is here, that's what this whole post has been leading to. i'm not writing this as a call to cancel homestuck^2 - i'm writing this because i want some acknowledgement on what happened to us. as i said, i'm still here despite the abuse, hopes i'd kill myself and the want to kill myself so i'm making a point of saying something.

the issues in the fandom of team members didn't start with the hs^2 team, it had a nice jumpstart from shelby cragg. i refuse to link any of the accounts who have posted accounts of this as i don't want to get people who dealt with her more stress and the only other person who mentions it isn't someone i want to link any traffic towards. google 'shelby cragg gamzee hate' and you'll find it. she used to tag horrific shit on gamzee fans artwork. fans who had in fact, been sent gore and harassment. she used to post about how great abusive ships were, how actual abuse victims (specifically the gamzee fan ones!) should feel about gam/rezi, how stupid gamzee fans were and directly bait and switch gamzee fans who she'd directly told to call her out if she fucked up by telling them they were random people who had no right to call her out. she had an abuse survivor friend so of course, the wrong abuse survivors didn't matter.

her co-authoring the serendipity gospels which while not official canon had become fandom canon. purples and teals of course work together on alternia after they grow up! gamzee was a total abusive nut case whose personality was either lol druggie or abusive monster and terezi was his victim, gamzee was a bunch of things in this fanfic and it's still looked to as the greatest fanfic in fandom history. as anything shelby touched involving gamzee his portrayal in it was racist, ableist and was always abusive in some way to any character he was placed with. i'm not here to talk about the person who wrote it with her or whatever work she's doing now with her non homestuck content. my point is the fanfiction was bad and it became fanon legend.

gamzee fans have been out crying that we have endured severe trauma that made us relate to gamzee. we weren't there for the ableist shit shelby made out of his character. there are different types of fans for his character, but i hope i've made a point that i'm referring to the people like me. the ones who were directly targeted because of our mental illnesses and abuse history. the ones who monsters wanted to kill.

homestuck proper ended on a bad note for gamzee fans. we had no conclusion, we had nothing. in the end after everything we were left with absolutely nothing but people filling in the blanks to say we likely deserved it because we liked this fucking awful clown. we got nothing for what happened to us. we just had to blindly accept we were hated and people wanted us dead for identifying with a fictional character.

then the epilogue's happened. then homestuck^2. then pesterquest. it bought this hate for us back front and center. the team hated us, hated a character who helped us get through shit no one should have had to endure.

like shelby did, they brutalized his character, and i'm damn fucking sure those cunts know what happened to us. we screamed, and screamed and SCREAMED that we were suffering but they boiled it down to "oh they just like that abusive man! let me make him more abusive" - the portrayal of gamzee in the new work is nothing but someone constantly spitting in our faces. the album of the team's string of bullshit should give you an idea on how the rest of this is gonna go.

the epilogue portrayal of gamzee went into the shit we'd had enough already, it turned a character who helped people cope become a gross dystopian version of our fucking abusers!!! the shit we'd endured from the fandom and our real life trauma was the butt of every fucking joke. there was no conclusion to his actual arc in it, there was no happy resolution for us, but there was a shout out to us. we got our moment of acknowledgment! they turned something that had helped real life abuse survivors, mentally ill people, addicts and victims of religious trauma - a fictional character who people wanted us dead over - into our abusers, into the worst things we'd dealt with, into a fucking mockery of our abuse. ALL of our abuse. all of our trauma. all we'd been through.

homestuck^2 did this further. they were parading the mockery of our abuse to the fullest extent they could think to do. i couldn't get past gamzee's death. but i know they've continued to hate us. i know they can't wait for us to end up killing ourselves so they can piss on our graves.

i have a review of pesterquest here, it's not complete. i couldn't finish the game fully. rose's story caused a self harm relapse and a huge hope i'd be brave enough to take the fucking overdose and end it all. i didn't go into how much gamzee's route broke me. i couldn't. i gained something outta it though! my left pinky and index fingers often lose feeling and i'm unable to use them unless i rigorously shake my hand for five minutes because i burnt my arm as badly as i could. i have cigarette burns all over my wrist, it looks like an octopus scarred me with every arm of its on one side and like someone made an attempt to burn down to my bone with something far bigger than a cigarette on the other. it wasn't something other than a cigarette, but it was a few cigarettes in the same spot. it was burning until i snuffed it out, relighting and burning down again until i'd finished the cigarette, lighting another and repeating. i did this until i felt like i'd earned my right to be alive again.

i need you to understand i'm disabled due to severe pain. i have fibromyalgia that was undiagnosed and untreated since i was 15. i'm 30 now. i've been suffering chronic headaches since i was 11. i've had my lip ripped open. i have ganglion cysts that make bending my wrist in the slightest hurt. i tore both rotator cuffs severely 10 years ago, my wrists are hypermobile and hurt constantly. my dominant arm sufferers from tendonitis. my jaw is so fucked i can't open it fully some days and it always makes a horrific pop outta alignment when i yawn. i've spent at least 10 years sleeping on a couch instead of on a bed as i either didn't have a bed or the one i had was so busted it made sleep impossible, as such my back and neck are a fucking nightmare stream of nonstop pain. i have back trauma from a car accident as a kid. i've strangled myself a few times with cords to try numb the pain out, i've been physically abused to the point i nearly died, i've been sexually assaulted multiple times, i've been violently ill from attempted overdoses or allergies. my point is, i know pain. it's the oldest companion i have and i'm tired of having it.

the continued burning i did to myself from that night however, surpassed any of those individual incidents. it eclipsed the regular intense agony i'm in daily for a solid month. the emotional turmoil of a life like mine had led to this. i'd found fiction to hide in, i'd found a character who so perfectly captured all of this trauma, all of this pain, all of this shit i've had to fucking deal with. i've had people try and take him away, i've had monsters try and get me to take the plunge and kill myself. i thought i was largely numb to bad gamzee interpretation and could move past all this hurt. it turns out i wasn't numb and this shit would continue to hurt. but it wasn't just a random ignorant idiot this time round, it was official. it was the team digging my grave and getting ready to throw shit on top of my corpse. that hurts in a unique way.

i don't do homestuck^2 now or ever. i refuse to finish pesterquest. i do my best to ignore the additional trauma the original team was aiming for. i viciously ignore and deny the shit they pull now. i quietly hiss to friends that some disgusting and ignorant cunt said the dumbest fucking shit that makes me want to scream until my vocal cords snap. i see the odd snapshot of what mutilation is happening to a comic that frankly saved my life in so many ways. i don't look in the gamzee tag as someone will have tagged the mutilated hs^2 version in there and that will do nothing but hurt. i don't enjoy being irritated by the snapshots i've seen. i want noting more than a fucking retcon where hs^2 and pesterquest are removed and we were left with the snapchat panels as the finale of homestuck.

in a more petty sense i want a personalized apology from everyone involved in the project, tattoo "i'm a dumb cunt" to their forehead, write an essay as long as homestuck's entire transcript about why they're sorry for what they did. i want the fans who rejoice in the mangled mess that gamzee is in hs^2 to shut the fuck up and delete their blogs. i want the amount of money the kickstarter for hiveswap raised deposited into my paypal account weekly. i want my therapy sessions paid for until i die. i want them to pay for private health care so i can stop physically hurting. what i want is illogical and those are frivolous things off the top of my head. they're stupid and petty and a complete fantasy.

what i really want though, is something that seems like it's a million times more impossible than a weekly deposit of $2485506. i want some fucking acknowledgment of this shit having happened. i've laid out my personal history with this shit, but it's not a personal "here's the essay nyx wrote about how much gamzee hate has fucked them up - it's totally worse than what the homestuck^2 team went through - gamzee hate is a bannable offense as such on every site due to it" that i want. i've burnt down to my bones on how much this shit has hurt me and in truth, i think i'm largely writing this for myself so i can at least say i said something. i wasn't a coward. i stood up and shouted at the void that gamzee fans have been badly abused.

the truth is: i want the abuse gamzee fans went through, the harassment, the gore, the threats and the physical abuse some of us have endured recognized. i'm not trying to overshadow the harassment the team got. but i'm saying the personalized attacks on us were unjustified. the mockery of the abuse we received from real life abusers and the abuse we were sent online for liking gamzee makara. they knew what they were doing. they did it to mock us. they did it to hurt us because we were the wrong kinda victim. we weren't their warped view of the canon and we interpreted, saw, identified, found comfort and loved a character who they disliked. our real life trauma and circumstance wasn't what they saw in gamzee and we had the fucking nerve to see ourselves in a character who can't be replicated in any other media. we were the ones in the wrong. we're the wrong victims. the wrong fans. the pigshit.

i've been writing this for over four hours now and i think i've exhausted how much i can say this stuff. it's been painful and i've ripped myself open to say this all but i think i'm doing the right thing. i'll second guess my way for the rest of my life, i'll overthink everything i do every time because i'm the wrong sorta victim. overall, in a sense i don't care anymore. i'm not numb by any means, i'm not saying i don't care as a bravado this time. i'm saying that i'm not letting you motherfucking cunts put me in the darkest place i've ever fucking been again. i'm not relapsing and losing more use of my hand. i know what kind of people the team are, i know the ignorance and venomous victim blaming and hate in people who hate gamzee fans. over all my final point is this:

it's unfair. why was this shit justifiable. why do we get ignored when we're hurt severely. why don't we matter. why can't our method of coping with homestuck be accepted like everyone else's. why are we the wrong ones. why did we deserve this. why was the fandom abuse towards us a good funny thing.

why the fuck do you hate us so much?

[babochkas]

i'm putting this post under a read more because it's long & i'm sorry it's related to the drama but, i really need to clear up the situation on my end:

to start with, i've never sent anyone anon hate. i don't support that at all because i know how shitty it is to get it. my post today was absolutely a vague, but not about anyone in the rpc and i specifically stated it was related to twitter lesbophobes that spread into the tumblr community (NOT THE RPC COMMUNITY, i never specified rpc & my wife clarified in their post as well it was not the rpc) and specifically mentioned seeing topics of conversion. this post i made didn't even specify if it was about bronseele. i never mentioned their names. but because i posted it on seele, my current main blog, it's tied to that. accusations of anon hate and biphobia. it was absolutely horrible timing, absolutely looks suspicious, but: i had no way of seeing this because i don't follow. i do not keep tabs on the people i block and avoid them from my radar entirely. i never talked nor judged anyone's portrayal or interpretation. people are making accusations STILL because of a matter of shit timing and coincidence related to someone ive had blocked. i want to say clearly, i did not send the anon that was received. i did not even know of it, nor the post that prompted the anon. i have not ever sent anon hate, and have not vagued about anyone in the fandom's portrayal.

again, my original post was kept vague in wording because i woke up (around 3pmest, i have bad insomnia so my schedule is weird) starting my day seeing people on twitter erasing the canon rep of my favorite characters (i'm not talking just up for interpretation characters, i mean seeing people straight up talking about leona/diana in league - excuse vulgarity - "taking dick to cure their mind.") & then while looking at fanart on tumblr shortly after, saw more of the same with other ships i like art of. of course, as a lesbian, i am very passionate about these cases of rep, and of course very triggered by seeing the lesbophobia i was seeing on twitter (the conversion i mentioned in my post, which i followed up with by saying i was seeing more of it on tumblr) not the best wording & def should have clarified but, i just woke up for the day, i was tired, and my brain hadn't fully kicked into gear so i opened my tumblr app to check my notifications and make a quick vent post. it had nothing to do with bisexuality, nothing to do with a bi interpretation, nothing: it was about the disgusting and harmful conversion posts and discussions i was seeing. i had no idea about what was going on hours before because i was asleep. i was logged in on seele, so i just made the venty post (again specifically about conversion therapy comments) and didnt think anything of it because i didn't know what was going on, basically until i started finding out about the accusations.

i do want to note again, i did try to unblock to send an IM clarifying before everything really blew up, but IMs were off & i was already being told of more being said by others so i did make a heated post. it isn't deleted, though i did make it private because i don't like leaving drama up. as with rule updates, they're tagged as "tbd //" and later removed.

on a related, but separate note:

people who talk to me and know me, know the kind of person i am. i have been in way more fandoms than hi3, hsr, or even genshin. i've been on this site a long time and multiple people have known me for years. they know that i keep to myself a lot of the time & only seem to get dragged into drama when it relates to setting boundaries. as stated in my rules, i am exclusive and not dupe friendly. this often leads to me blocking simply for comfort. otherwise, i have only ever blocked people for breaching my rules. breaching my triggers. have i always handled my blocking in ways people prefer it to be handled (via a DM beforehand, knowledge of why first, etc?) absolutely not. especially not when it's related to my triggers, as i state in my rules, seeing those untagged/unfiltered sends me into a trauma response. i have, in the past, contacted people prior to softblocking or hardblocking to let them know why - and these instances have ended in things varying from my mental health being invalidated, being called names (bitch, most often) & often, honestly, end up escalating to something worse.

aside from trying to defend myself, i have only ever, ever said anything about drama in relation to someone harassing me, making violent threats, calling names, etc. i've kept to myself, blocked these people to keep my distance, and it's still somehow a problem. they are still coming to my accounts to keep tabs or, if they deem fit, find ways to stir the pot again. i know people were keeping tabs on my posts, because these people who i've had blocked for years now were making posts about mine. not even knowing what it was about. honestly, after being told of some of the people who have been known to stalk and harass the blogs of myself and other mutual friends, i got paranoid. because it was not only just straight up block evading me, but these people i've been avoiding have harassed, have made violent threats, have called names and been disrespectful when i tried to end on peaceful terms. i won't say names because it doesn't matter. i'm not here to start a witch hunt, and on the same note, i'm not wanting a target on my back when i've already had problems of varying degrees with these people.

that brings me to my dni. in regards to my dni additions, i did add a new group on there due to a prior callout, and this situation: namely, because i felt this was on a level of baseless accusations as a previous callout mention and it did heavily upset me after seeing what i was accused of because of this. my dni does not change according to fandom, and has remained the same (with minor updates) since my time in the league fandom. the recent update including the lesbian erasure dni rule was added as it was in my original rules on my caitlyn blog (my caitlyn carrd can be found here, the last rule being established as i also have a diana, and planned to write neeko - canon lesbians to the league universe. it's something i've been vocal about there as well.)

i am a very firm believer in curating your own space of comfort. write what you want with who you want, but my rules and dni are for my space. to explain why i do not want to engage with certain topics or people who have made me uncomfortable, often due to situations that are related to my triggers and ocd. regardless of this, i do not condemn anyone for who they decide to write with, because at the end of the day this is just writing. i wouldn't accuse or try to instigate drama between two people without first talking. just wish i had been extended the same courtesy.

[anawaitedmoon]

Messy pseudo stream of consciousness sad ramble/vent post about feeling inadequate, lonely and sad under the cut:

Might delete this later.

I guess I've been feeling pretty funky for a long time. I know I want to connect with people, to make friends and to create stuff in fandom but for some reason I never put in the work to get anywhere. I feel stuck.

Something I've been thinking about a lot recently, and how could I not?, is the colapse of Twitter. For better or for worse, I decided to go though all of my Twitter bookmarks to idk… say goodbye to it all or something? The point is that I've been reading old tweets from people I meant to follow and interact with (I'd always save a tweet from them to "save" their account for later) but never did because I wasn't confident enough and I didn't feel like I could measure up to all these cool people I was seeing online, so I just lurked.

And this happens with pretty much everything I get into: The Terror, NHL hockey, 9-1-1, Sterek… and I want to get involved! I want to chat and share the love for these things that makes us happy! and comment on all the fanfics that I enjoy reading but for some reason overthink it and agonize about it. Like I have this insane idea —that I can't seem to shake— that I have to do everything chronologically so if I read a mattdrai fic today and want to comment something, I need to go though my AO3 history and go back to 2020 and comment on the fics I read back then first and then I can comment on the fic I read today. I feel crazy saying it.

There's a part of me that thinks if only I had friends I could share my interests with, then I wouldn't be like this but who knows.

And, this is more of an aside than anything but, I know that stuff gets deleted all the time and in the grand scheme of things it's not that important but can't help but feel sad and super anxious every time I think about Twitter ceasing to exist and not being able to access all the thoughts, memories, jokes, art, etc. on it.

[sipcup]

i already vented this on discord but i just wanna complain about it on here. being an artist w/ DID is so difficult sometimes. we had a host change and i, the new host, am..completely unable to create art to the ability that our previous host did. xeyre still around, pretty frequently, and xey draw so effortlessly?? and then when i try to draw i cant, make anything look right. its like it all gets locked away, and my hands dont work the same way. but i have the same urge to create, to make art, but im always living in the shadow of our previous host's work, to the point ive kind of been keeping xem from being able to post xeir art, because im embarassed. i deleted xeir twitter and tumblr and deleted a lot of xeir art we had on our computer, and now im keeping xem from even being able to share xeir new stuff, out of shame and fear, because people will recognize it, and then realize im not xem. <:/

[moody-hates-himself]

when I made a vent account on Twitter, it was locked. there were at most five people following it. none of them paid any attention to it. i deleted a couple months ago, considering the experiment a failure.

my logic in that account was that I just needed somewhere to jot down the unpleasant thoughts in my head, like a well hidden notebook. I thought that if I simply ascribed my thoughts to a medium that wasn't my brain, that it would be enough, even if nobody else saw what I had written.

it never really helped, though. at most, all it was was a record of my depressive episodes, self-harm sessions, and nights when my feelings wouldn't stay drowned in drink. it was a window into my recent history of mental illness. being able to observe that history wasn't a blessing, but it wasn't a curse, either: it was just what I already knew. thanks, past me, for telling me that I'm depressed, but I was already completely aware. the sky is blue, the sea is wet.

it should not have surprised me that that hidden mental garbage heap didn't help me, because what I was craving was connection and understanding. i let a few close friends into my account, hoping that them having a view into my worst thoughts would bring me closer to some of them, but that didn't happen; they almost never engaged with the account. i also ended up blocking the person with whom i was in a relationship at the time; i didn't want them knowing just how bad I was doing and worrying.

I think what I was missing was community. let's face it: cutting one's self with knives and believing yourself better off dead is some crazy behavior, or at least that's what it feels like to me. I'd like to feel like I'm not totally crazy. I'd like to feel like there are some other people who feel the same way. browsing the self harm tags last night, I did get the sense that I'm not totally alone out here. people post their worst feelings to that tag, vent art that made me feel uncomfortable in a comforting way, and even some pretty funny self harm memes. it gave me catharsis, and it gave me a laugh at this abysmally pathetic situation.

so here, I'm going to take the opposite approach from my locked vent account on Twitter. here, I'm letting everyone in excluding my friends. if attempting to make the people i spend time aware of my suffering with doesn't work, then I may as well spend my time in the mental gutters attempting to connect with people who make me feel like it's alright that I feel like this, that I don't deserve to be dehumanized for my scars and the things that I say late at night.

so, hello, everyone. i hurt myself and i want to die. it's nice to meet you all.

[sword--heart--online]

A vent from my main, should have posted it here to begin with.

Posting a passive-aggressive rant about how she doesn't want "certain people" following her instead of hitting the block button and moving on with her life. Look, it's easy. Her Highness the Translator blocked me on sight because she didn't like my choice of favorite character, or the fact that I was publicly having fun. I block/mute people all the time when they go on political tirades in fandom spaces because that's not what I'm here for. "I don't want you consuming my art" then manage your own following, princess. Famous creators don't get the luxury of controlling who engages with their content, but twitter artists do. Or else own up to the fact that you just lap up the attention, especially the attention you get from shitting on your fans. I didn't want to believe the rumors but now I see they're true.

ETA: I reread this and thought it sounded like I was pissed off over nothing. The thing is, I took it personally. Some weeks ago I had sent this person a long supportive PM, didn't expect a response, but still thought a small thank you reply would have been nice. Instead I woke up one morning to how dare you send me messages but still follow people I don't approve of, stay away from my art. In my mind, that read as a targeted attack. If it wasn't written for me, then my bad; however, objectively, it's still a nasty thing to say to one's fanbase. As you're so fond of saying, there's a real person on the other side of that screen. It goes both ways.

Unrelated to that: the other day I made the poor life choice of venting on twitter in a moment of vulnerability, sleep deprivation, and being triggered by something I saw in the wee hours. Personal posts don't belong in fandom spaces, either (unless you're super popular! ugh), but like I said, poor choices due to not thinking clearly. I didn't expect another Big Name Multi-Fandom Artist to unfollow me over it. I mean, good on them for curating their own feed instead of publicly vagueing about it like a pissbaby, but it kind of hurts because I thought they were my buddy. And it was cool to be liked by someone so prolific. I'm getting the impression that these days, internet artists are two-faced mean girls at their cores, and now I'm glad I didn't commission this guy, nor waste my time on that collab.

I'm probably reading way too much into this, but the entire situation reminds me of how my last 3 (three!!) romantic relationships went sour — just, you know, without the deep emotional investment. "How dare you show this uncomfy side of yourself instead of being who I want you to be." I deleted the tweets, but I won't apologize for being a lonely human in a shitty living situation and bleeding it out once and awhile. I'm tired of being made to feel I should shut up and smile and behave like a good girl.

[tarajenkins]

Another private little FFXIV-related vent--well, little for me, lol. So if you click this link, it’s quite politely your own fault  ⸜( ˙˘˙)⸝ ♡

BUT

I sub to Vauthry's mentions and tag on Twitter, because occasionally there's actually content, and occasionally, I actually remember that my Twitter account exists. I’m pretty sure that’s why people go there, for content. Twice in the course of this week, though, his mentions have brought randos who seem to be talking about me, unless there’s another overactive Vauthry artist on Tumblr. I’m also like 98% of the Vauthry art on Twitter, so it’s probably me? But even if it’s not me, that still brings us to these thoughts under this break.

(Nice ableism, but even if this was not aimed at me, who takes psych evals from internet shitlords)

They call “simping Vauthry” "cringe" while the entirety of their account rotates around how thirsty they are for the latest FFXIV flavor of the month. The most hilarious thing is, they still reblogged my Hyth art here on Tumblr. Me, a “cringe” Vauthry artist. Tell me you're a fatshaming clown without telling me you're a fatshaming clown, welcome to the block list.  It doesn’t take confidence to “simp” a fat character. I am not a confident person. It also doesn’t take “insanity”.  All it takes is not thinking that enjoying a fat character is some OH MY GOD SHAMEFUL thing. All it takes is not being an asshole about fat people. 

I’m an asshole in other ways.  ʅ₍ッ₎ʃ  (And yes, 4 a.m. currently seems to be “morning” to my insomniac mind.) Since it turned out we shared a mutual, I assume that's why they deleted later.

In which the unique “other characters look like shit!!1” defense is also played, seriously fandom why are you like this

So the actual poster mentioning a Vauthry artist is upset about "proshipping"? I don't even know what that means. Wait a sec-- Ah, “proshipper” apparently means that the artist in question must think “antishippers” are shitty bullies. Reading comprehension really is on the downturn in this fandom. But guilty as charged if it’s me! \o/

In any case, apparently this would make me unqualified to call out all the hypocritical shit I've directly experienced regarding this character over the past two years, lmao.

As of now, that post has disappeared too, at least. I can always hope they realized they were wrong.

I am fix-it arting the shitty fatphobic dump Square took on the game with Eulmore for my own enjoyment and relief. To pretend that the writers really didn’t sink to such a  juvenile level, to pretend the fandom at large didn’t accept it. That’s all. But there are people who really have to come seek it out to point and laugh. "The girl on Tumblr who simps for Vauthry” is used like it’s an insult, while  every other character is received as :) teehee hello fellow simper! (I also still have no idea how stating “Tempering babies in the womb is fucked up” equals simping, lol.) My vents against certain other characters lie solely in their actions and how the writers handle them. The vents of others against Vauthry, though, always manage to boil down to “grossness” and “disgust”, because Yoshi-P said fat people equal all the evil of mankind in the ShB trailer--and the fandom bought it with no questions asked. There are even still people who scream Eulmore had slavery, even though the dialogues clearly state “hired” and "employed” and speak of salaries--yet somehow legitimate fascist fantasy empires are uwu forgivable uwu.  Giving a fat character the same level of consideration that fandom darling characters receive--it's such an audacious idea, isn’t it? This is the “great community”. My anger at the bodyshaming has been tone-policed before, and I was called “too mean” by someone who felt that invalidated the points they admitted I made. Meanwhile at that time, some jackass sagenodded that bullying fat people was ~just concern for their wellbeing~ without backlash. That didn’t count as “mean”. Fat jokes about Vauthry on /r/FFXIV sometimes still make the sub’s front page to this day. That doesn’t count as “mean”.

Everyone wants to be so progressive and positive about Dulia-Chai, but crickets when this happens, every time. 

When I got angry about a certain fandom darling character, and said that character chose their actions? People were encouraged to not follow me/unfollowed me. (Turns out said character did have choice after all, short one “little tug”. Oopsie!) No negativity in this fandom is allowed--unless someone is being fatphobic, then the fandom will hold their flower and instead tell the people who are angry about it that they’re being ~too mean~. It’s a bad look, FFXIV fandom. Reblogging Dulia is great, but not equally discouraging fat hate no matter the character is telling.

Sure, I could unsub from the Twitter mentions and tags. But why should I? Sure, I could grin and bear it--these tweets weren’t the only ones over two years. But why should I? How about the fandom do more than pay lip service on how ~welcoming~ and ~inclusive~ it is, instead? Because it has a really obvious problem with fat bodies, and Dulia is not a free pass. It isn’t an aberration to have interest in a fat character. It especially isn’t a goddamn fetish. The problem is the people who see it as an aberration, and assume a fetish is the only way you could possibly ever give a damn about a fat person.  It’s not that hard, FFXIV fandom. 

TL;DR: Don't be shy, bring it to my face next time! I promise I will gladly return the favor. ( ᐛ )b  

[dee-the-red-witch]

OK, I’m gonna take a minute here while getting my brain re-set to sit back down and start in on the manuscript again. And I want to preface this all with a BIGASS disclaimer: I DO NOT THINK OR CONSIDER THAT THE POSTER WHO PUT THESE TAGS ON A REBLOG FROM ME WISHED ME ANY KIND OF ILL WHATSOEVER. IN FACT, I’M PRETTY SURE THEY WERE TRYING TO PAY ME A COMPLIMENT.

That said, I’ve been seeing this more and more. On here, on twitter, on Fb, everywhere. And it’s happening more and more as I post about more than just part of what I do as a dayjob, and as I’m trying to leverage back into doing more than just leather. ...y’all do get that my leatherwork and maskmaking is not the sum and total of me as a person, right? I mean, this is not meant as a humblebrag, or any kind of brag, just a resume list, because I’m all over the fucking map: In high school, it was debate and drama. Even ended up at State and Nationals for those to some degree.

After that, in between and during college, it was working haunted houses, studying english, history, and theatre, and then putting together a theatresports team that ran for two years (we were groaningly terrible, exactly the kind of humor geeky/nerdy theatre kids put together and it was awesome and these days I cringe at some of the jokes we used to do. I think our biggest audience was maybe thirty people.) Then it was moving here, going to Cornish for theatre, summarily dropping out of Cornish after a semester of realizing there was no way I could afford to stay in school and survive without being homeless on part time minimum wage, not to mention lots of disagreement with the whole program. Cue being a twentysomething in seattle in the early aughts- doing lots of small theatre, joining a Rocky Horror troupe, weird citylife adventures and a lot of shite underpaid jobs. Also figuring out I was queer in there. Leather didn’t happen until after I’d met my fiancee and we’d moved in together, when I got hit with a seven-month stint of unemployment, and with loads of boredom on my hands, decided I’d try and figure out how to make a leather mask or two from some spare hide she had lying around from making her own armor for the SCA. Which took a lot of attempts. Fast forward a couple of years, I was still working shit-paying jobs, we had a kid on the way, and couldn’t afford early daycare so we could both work. so I stayed home with the kids since I made less out of the two of us. Still don’t regret that. Also meant I launched a website and started slowly getting more and more professional and doing cons and stuff. Of course, doing a site means you have to do images, which meant learning photoshop, and, well, I also went ahead and learned how to draw, collage, etc in there. After a few years of photoshop, leather, and websites at home, and after going back to work at a bank doing image archival work on documents, I ended up working in a gallery as a dayjob, scanning and archiving paintings and photos for reproduction. which meant learning repro, art, art history, and putting it all together meant I was suddenly making digital art in my off time as well. And then kid number two and the ‘08 real estate crash happened almost simultaneously in reverse order. I was home with new kid again, because my job, and my entire department type, information services, pretty much ceased to exist from the corporate world. And since then it’s been working on self promoting and doing my own business since because fuck working for other people, its never worked well.

So yeah, I do leather, it’s a big part of my life,because anything is when you’ve done it for 15+ years. But that said, I’ve been fighting burnout with it for two years now, and been trying to leverage myself out of it the whole time. Which means fighting with the “but you’re the leather guy!” thing in my own head a LOT. I am not just a leatherworks guy. I write. A bunch. Next book’s almost done, and I skipped the history bit where I was freelancing for a few rpg designers- no, probably not anything you’ve seen. I DO VISUAL ART which you’ve all seen like mad if you’ve been following for any amount of time. I’d act if there were enough spoons, time and energy in the day. There isn’t, and I’m a cheesey fuckin’ actor anyways. I tattoo- that’s a new one picked up since quarantine, but I’v ebeen trying to make both of my hands less dumb, so picking up actual physical drawing and tattooing has been a thing. I still also craft all sorts of props and other bits when I want/get hired to. Because WHY NOT. But I’m a lot more than a leather guy, and I fight with myself every time I see stuff about me being just the leather guy. Jeebus, that was a wall of text. OK, I’m maybe also needing to vent a lot more, find time to get into therapy, and deal with issues on a healthy basis. Maybe find time and people irl who see me as a whole-ass person now that my vaccine’s almost finished marinating. Yeesh. Sorry for the screed, folks, but the ‘don’t fucking delete shit’ rule applies. It’s here, so I may as well share. But yes, your friend who does more than leather is trying to get seen as your friend who does more than just leather. Make sense?