#I had the hardest time picking a color pallet for this one

[secret-spirit]

Excuse my poor unsteady hand I'm not used to this type of thing

[bakugotsundere]

Hating Him - Bakugou Katsuki (2)

Bakugo x (black) fem reader

( still can read if you’re not)

sorry if it bothers you, i just felt that my black readers weren’t feeling black as they were reading y/n stories cause i for sure wasn’t

Warning: Smut, Rough sex, hair pulling, name calling, Nsfw 18+

Summary: Bakugo and you have hated each other ever since you met, being on the same track team and having the same friend group didn’t make things any better. you 2 have to act like you like each other for the benefit of the friend group until one day you and him are forced to have movie night with the others and you both have had enough of each other’s shit.

It was now saturday and you had just came home from practice. It was about 6 in the afternoon. You started to run you some bath water, remembering how you’d have to go to the sleep over with Mina and the others. You and bakugou still didn’t get along, it was nothing but you 2 arguing at practice and the team being annoyed. You just couldn’t bring yourself to like him, no matter how hard you tried you just...couldn’t. Ever since you’ve got here, he’s hated you. He knew you were competition and he treated you like-so, even though you were on the same team. He didn’t care and neither did you.

you took off your uniform, stretching before you got into the bath water. the feeling was amazing, your muscles were finally relaxed. The feeling of the bath water brought you ease. You enjoyed this time, since you knew tonight was going to be crazy. You closed your eyes, calming yourself down as you cleared your mind. Frank ocean played on your headphones. You washed up about 4 times before rinsing yourself off with the shower head. You stepped out of your bath tub, dancing like a white lady on those commercials, as weird as it sounds it was the funnest thing ever. Pretty Girl by Clairo played on your headphones now. You dropped your towel, grabbing your shea butter, rubbing it all over your body.

You washed your face, letting it air dry afterwards. You grabbed a 2 piece pajama set that was satin, placing it in your bag. The top and bottoms matched, it was a cream color that was really light. You put on some thigh length socks. Mina had bought the pajama set for the movie tonight. You didn’t know if it fit or not so you brought something with you just in case. you were supposed to change at her house but the boys had to come in their pajamas for some weird reason. You threw some biker shorts on and a tank top that you had cut a little, you put on your nike slides, waiting on Mina to come pick you up. You took out the flexi rods in your hair. the curls were loose since your hair had been so long. It was like mid back legnth. you picked it out a little bit, giving it more volume. You smiled, showing your dimples, loving out it turned out. You knew it’d only last for the weekend though. Your ginger hair was growing on you.

you rubbed a little moisturizer to your face, so it wasn’t dry. Then you applied a little lip gloss and put your apple watch back on and sprayed a little perfume on yourself and putting on some spray on deodorant. you placed the how shoes she got you in the back also. you grabbed your nike slides, putting them on so you wouldn’t be barefooted. You heard a notification pop up on your phone.

Mina> We’re outside. might have to sit on someone’s lap 🙃.

You had your fingers crossed, praying that it wasn’t bakugou and that he had took his own car. You didn’t want to have to sit on anybody’s lap really. You headed out your house, walking towards Mina’s navy blue audi. The windows were tinted so you couldn’t see inside. You opened up the back door to be greeted by Bakugou, “Hi y/n. I’m in love with your hair. i wish my hair was that long.” Yaoyorozu told you and you smiled, “thank you.” you said softly. “Hiiiiii. Bakugou is being quite grumpy right now, don’t worry about him.” Mina said as you noticed Denki in the front seat. Yaoyorozu was on Todorokis lap and Kirishima was sitting in the middle, focused on whatever was in his phone. “Bakugou help her open the trunk so she can put her things in there.”

He sighed, getting out of the car. He was wearing a black shirt along with grey nike sweatpants and a pair of nike slides. Fits him. He followed you to the trunk, as he did, you noticed that the he was more quiet than usual. you smiled, “Hello to you too bakugou.” he stated. “I’m not being friendly to you. They can’t hear us. Don’t pull what you did at practice again.” He told you, all you did was hand him his water bottle after he was forced to run 2 laps around the track field after practice since he had got into a fight and you were just helping him.

“i didn’t do anything, i was trying to be nice dummy. but clearly you didn’t take it that way.” You stated placing your bag inside the trunk. He watched your as your did so, his eyes lingered on your body longer than usual. He closed it and you followed him back to the car, he opened the door, getting back in. “Where will I sit?” you asked and mina looked in the back, sighing. “Maybe sit on bakugo or Kirishimas lap? Bakugou looked like he doesn’t even wanna be here. ask Kirishina.” Mina told you. Kirishima looked at you, giving you a cheeky smile, “Sure, you can-“

Bakugo interrupted him by slapping him upside his head. “Your girlfriend wouldn’t like that.” Bakugo told him giving him a look, kirishima spoke up, “Nevermind I forgot to tell you guys I had a girlfriend.” He stated, bakugou looked at you and you knew that meant you had to sit on his lap. “Yaoyorozu can we umm...switch please?” You asked and she was about to say yes before Bakugos large hands wrapped around your waist as he pulled you onto his lap, you closed the door, moving around to make yourself comfortable. “Don’t ever do that again. They’ll suspect that you don’t like me and we can’t have them know that.” He whispered in your ear and you felt butterflies swarm in your stomach, hating how you reacted towards his touch. You didn’t know why it’d mess up things if they found out you two didn’t like each other but you went along with it anyways. “Still wanna switch?” She asked and you shook your head with a small smile, “No, Bakugo should be fine.” You stated. His body was warm unlike yours, which made everything worse cause you had the urge to be up under him. “Everybody ready?” Mina asked and everybody in the car replied with a small yes.

Bakugos hands would squeeze your waist, pulling you down onto his lap more as you would go over pot holes or small bumps in the rode. you’d move around occasionally to a song until bakugo had told you stop moving. You guys were still in the car, just closer than before, you started to feel something pressing against your ass as Mina stopped at a red light. The outline of it was hard, thick and very long. Your cheeks went a bright pink, knowing what it was. It was bakugos little friend, you had caused this. You could feel yourself start to get moist at the feeling of this. You hated how nasty your body reacted to his. Your pussy began to throb as so did his print and you both had to sit there as if you didn’t feel each other’s private areas yearning for each other. you refused to accept it because you hated it. Hated him especially.

Mina pulled up to her house and everyone began to get out, you were about to get out but Bakugou pulled you back down onto his lap. He shifted underneath you, moving up, his hands gripped your inner thigh, “When we get inside this house, forget about this whole car ride. Pretend this shit never happened. Tell anybody about this and i’ll fucking kill you.” He told you, pushing you off his lap. You got out the car shocked at what had just happened but you wanted to forget about what happened just as much as he did.

“Y/n? I missed you so much. I hate having a dorm, i never see you anymore.” you heard a familiar voice say and you realized it was Asui and smiled, giving her a small hug. Asui was a very chill person but she was confused all the time which made her adorable. She had on a green shirt and sweatpants, with her long hair in 2 pigtails. “I miss you too, you should stop by my house some time.” You said excitedly. “Will do.” She told you going into the house. You looked in the trunk, searching for your bag, “What happened to my bag?” you asked. Todoroki nodded his head at the door, “Bakugou took it in with him i think. He’s been acting weird ever since you came to our college.” He said, going into Mina’s house as he mumbled the last part to himself. You had wondered what he meant by “weird” and more importantly what did he do with your bag.

You followed behind him going into her house, Her house was huge, like huge. Her mother had money, so she bought Mina her own house, there was enough space and room in here for all of you. You missed the comforting smell of her house, you hadn’t been here in so long. You looked around, noticing she changed a few things around. “Anybody know where bakugou went?” you asked and everyone shook there head no, you sighed going upstairs, looking in each room, going back down the hall after no luck in finding him your face hit something hard, like real hard. You looked up at what you had hit and it was bakugo, your cheeks turned pink remembering the car ride, “Where’s my bag?” you asked and he shrugged his shoulders as he stared down at you, “When i got in, Mina took it from me.” He stated. Ok. This wasn’t as awkward as you expected “Why’d you umm...why’d you grab my bag?” you asked confused on why his hands was touching your stuff.

“Because messing with your shit is fun. Why else?”He asked. “I dislike you.” You told him angrily, trying your hardest to keep your cool. “Sure.” He told you before walking past you. You figured you wouldn’t stress it and went back downstairs into the living room, everyone got settled in, making pallets and grabbing out all the board games. you had told them that you didn’t wanna participate in any games but the card games. They were now starting a game of domino.

Bakugou was making the cookies and you watched him as he did. Your eyes followed his hands, his fingers were long and large. he had two silver rings on the pointer finger of his left hand. “Y/n, since you and bakugo don’t want to participate in any of the games, you can be the chefs for tonight. Make the cinnamon rolls too please.” Denki told you from the couch, snapping your attention away from Bakugou and you laughed softly going into the kitchen, “I do wanna play war with the cards though, so don’t forget about me when the card games come around.” you told him and he nodded his head.

“I could’ve made the cinnamon rolls.” Bakugou told you as you opened the ‘fridge. you rolled your eyes, “yes but they asked me, focus on your cookies idiot.” You replied grabbing them from the refrigerator. “Your mouth is too smart.” He said turning the oven on 350, You grabbed a pan from underneath the cabinet, loading them on the counter between the stove and refrigerator. You turned around, watching him as he placed the cookies in the oven, “so fix it.” you told him, looking him in his eyes, daring him to do something.

“I will.”

you didn’t know what he meant by that but you could tell that it wasn’t good but you didn’t care, what’s the worse that he could do.

You turned back around opening the cinnamon rolls, placing them on the pan after spraying spam onto the pan. You opened the oven, putting the cinnamon rolls inside. steve lacy played loudly on the tv and you danced around in the kitchen as you grabbed the things you needed, loving every part of this, you grabbed the oreos, placing them on the island top counter, along with the pancake mix. they told you to make fried oreos also. Bakugou watched you intensely. His eyes never leaving your dancing body.The only reason you knew how to cook was because your mother was a chef and was very experimental with foods and taught you lots of stuff. You grabbed the wisk, mixing in the water with the pancake mix. The mixing was going by very very slow and there was still chunks.

You started asking yourself what you did wrong until you felt Bakugos hands at your waist. He placed his hand over yours, showing you how to mix, you were about to tell him to move but he whispered something in you ear, “Play along, if they find out we don’t like each other shit will go down hill.” he told you and you sighed nodding your head. You knew he was right, everyone in this group liked each other, and if they found out that you 2 hated each other, things would go left. You knew how fragile this group was.

“Mix in small circles so you’re able to get everything.” He told you with his left hand still at your waist, he was able to mix everything together with ease. “Thank you.” you said softly, you felt yourself start to throb down there again as he pressed hisself against you more. You didn’t know if it was on purpose so you didn’t bother with saying anything. “Did your mother teach you how to cook?” you asked him and he shook his head. “No. I taught myself because I wanted to make food my way instead of hers. It wasn’t nasty or anything, just not what i wanted.” He stated firmly as he started up the grease to fry them in. Sounds like him. You stood next to him, “I still hate you.” He said and you looked up at him, “I hate you too. Trust me, the way i feel about you hasn’t changed.”

He tried to move you out of the way but you removed yourself from his grip, hitting him in his arm. He grabbed you by your hair, pulling your head back and bringing his lips to your ear, “Keep your fucking hands to yourself.”He warned letting go of your hair harshly, you stood there in aw of what he just had done. There’s no way you were just gonna let him get away with that but what could you possibly do to him?

He walked away from you telling you to watch the grease, he just violated you and you stood there and let it happen. He’s so...so fucking annoying.

...

It was getting late, everybody had wined down. The music was turned off and the movie was on. You and Bakugo hadn’t talked since he did what he did, you decided to avoid him for the night, being in his presence irritated you. He had been so strict on everything tonight as if this was his house when it wasn’t. He told everyone that he didn’t wanna sleep on the couch or ground so he slept in one of the rooms upstairs. Popcorn was everywhere and now it was just a bunch of adults, sleeping wildly across the floors and couches.

You looked around softly laughing at everyone’s positions. Asui was sleep in the recliner, she was cute when she slept. Denki was on the other couch by himself with his feet hanging off the edge and slob coming down his cheek. Mina and Kirishima were on the ground, the 2 of them had been the most tired since they had been play fighting each other all day. Minas foot was in his mouth and kirishimas was in hers. you tried your hardest not to let out an ugly laugh, Yaoyorozu had left, telling us that she had family problems but you all knew she didn’t, she just hated sleeping anywhere that was not her bed. Todorokis head was in your lap, he stayed still when he slept. You got along with Todoroki the most, he was very observant. He tried telling you that Bakugou has been wanting to have sex with you since you came to the university and you almost slapped him for saying that, you knew it was a lie and he was just saying stuff. After that, he laid his head on your thighs asking if you had ever considered being a pillow. at that point you knew that it was time for him to get rest and he soon fell asleep.

Nobody but you had watched the movie all the way through, you had been watching this movie called hansle and grettle. It was very scary but confused you in the end a bit. You removed Todorokis head from your lap, gently placing it on the couch. You slid to the refrigerator, opening it, grabbing the picture of water. You grabbed a wooden cup from the cabinet placing it on the counter and poured the water inside it.

“Why are you up?” You heard a deep, raspy voice say. You jumped in surprise, spilling a little water on your shirt. You sighed turning around, seeing who had just scared the shit out of you. You were met with a wide awoke Bakugo, his hair was a bit messy and you couldn’t ignore the fact that he looked good. You turned back around, ignoring him. You were serious about ignoring him. You went on, drinking your water. “How long are you gonna keep up with this bull shit?” he asked you and you stood there silent, not answering him. You had been put on your satin pajamas after the games were over, bakugou had been upstairs the whole time you were here.

The satin pajamas barely fit but Mina insisted that you still wear them because you looked, “sexy”. Your thighs were all out, and the shirt fit like a crop top instead of a shirt, since your breast were big, the shirt raised up showing your underboob everytime you raised your arms above your head. You still had on your thigh length socks. You drunk the rest of your water, putting the cup in the sink. You placed the picture of water back in the refrigerator and You grabbed some paper towels going to wipe up the water you spilled.

You felt Bakugous presence behind you, “Move. I need a cup.” he told you and you stood there not listening to what he just told you to do. He purposely brushed his length against your ass, as he grabbed a cup, the same one as you. He went to the refrigerator, getting the picture of water, pouring it inside the cup he had. You watched him as he did so, his muscles were showing since he had on a black shirt and the black had fit him so well. Your eyes looked down, seeing his print through his grey sweatpants. It was huge, like big and you wondered how anybody could even take that inside them. Let alone get the tip in. Your eyes wandered to his hands, You had a hand kink and his hands fit into it. His fingers were neat, he had clear coat of polish on them. His fingernails were clipped to the perfect size. He took care of his hands. Veins popped out his hands slightly and his fingers were long. You found yourself getting moist as your mind wandered to how good his fingers would feel inside you.

His cup being sat down on the counter snapped you out of your fantasy. You looked back up to be met with his Vermillion eyes. He caught you staring, you hurriedly turned your head embarrassed. You hated yourself so much for this, for even thinking about such lewd things when it came to him. You hated him and him being so fucking perfect didn’t change that. You felt him behind you, this time his hands were at your waist. He positioned your hips, now your ass was rubbing against his cock. You took in a deep breath, restraining yourself from saying anything to him, “Its not nice to stare.” He told you in your ear as he moved your ass around his length. You stayed quiet, trying not to let a moan escape your lips. “Still giving me the silent treatment, are we?” His hand went across your bum, leaving a stinging sensation. You gasped, “C’mon y/n, say something before i go fucking crazy.” He told you as he played with the band of your shorts. You stayed quiet wanting to know what his crazy was. “You’re so god damn stubborn.” He said in your ear as you felt his hand press against your stomach, he began to place kisses on your shoulder and neck, feeling him sucking a little too hard, a small moan escaped your lips and you felt him smile against your skin, “I thought you hated me?”

You turned around to face him, “I-I hate you. Don’t ever for a second get to thinking that I don’t.” you told him as you pulled him closer towards you, crashing your lips against his, your small hands placed at his cheeks, loving how warm he was. He kissed back with more aggression, You tried to convince yourself that you didn’t like him but it was getting harder to believe as your body yearned for his touch and now the need to feel his hands all over you grew. He pulled back and tilted his head, “finally ready to fucking talk? i’ve got a lot to say darling.” he said as his hands squeeze your waist, you looked him in his eyes, scared of this eye contact but loving how beautiful his eyes were. “Like what?” you asked. His large hands traveled down to your ass, kneading it almost. “I hate you. hate you so fucking much but...” he continued to kiss you along your neck. “but i only hate you because i want you.” he stated in between kisses, “Nobody has ever made me want them,” his hands found there way to your breast, his large hands squeezing them, “but — god dammit— i’ve been wanting you ever since you walked onto that track field,” his hands were soon replaced by his mouth, your shirt now raised and your breast being sucked on, as if he was a baby, your moans were low and quiet. His eyes, looking up at you as he did so, watching you as you struggled to keep your moans to yourself.

Your back arched a little, and he brung his lips back up to yours. Everything was so heated and out of control but you liked it, so much pent up anger had led to this and fuck, it was good. His hands tugging at the hem of your satin shorts, wanting to touch something more private. Your breathing became heavy and you realized how far you and him were willing to take this. He pulled his ring off of his fingers, placing them on yours, “Can’t have them on while i finger fuck you so I want you to wear it.” He stated and you nodded your head. His hands found themselves inside your shorts and he dragged his middle finger between your pussy lips, “Someone you hate shouldn’t make you this wet darling.” He stated and the feeling of his thumb brushing against your throbbing clit made you moan almost too loudly. He smirked, already knowing this was the sensitive spot. He started to rub it faster and your lips parted as you held onto his arm. He knew how crazy this was driving you because with each circular motion, your pussy got wetter and wetter.

His two middle fingers pressed at your entrance as he brushed his thumb against your now swollen clit. You wanted this, needed it almost as he teased you. “Bakugo. I-I need you to...” you pleaded softly. “Need me to what. It’s not that fucking hard to say. C’mon.” you looked him in the eyes, he looked at you, “I need your permission. Tell me what the fuck you want y/n.” He spat out and your eyes fluttered at how he made wanting permission seem so aggressive but at the same turn a huge turn on, “I-I want your fingers inside of me.” You moaned, and he smiled shoving his fingers knuckle deep inside of you and you placed your hand over your mouth, letting out a muffled moan. “Wasn’t that hard to say, was it?” He asked as he brung his fingers in and out of you, your fingers digging into his forearms, as quiet moans left your mouth repeatedly. He kept eye contact with you the whole time, making sure he saw how pretty your face looked when you moaned just for him. He started going faster and your brown pupils dilated, “I-I’m about to cum.” You whispered loud enough for him to hear but soft enough so that the others wouldn’t. “Shhh...cant let the others hear you now can we?” He asked and you shook your head no as his fingers grazed against your walls at a rapid pace.

Your legs got weak as his fingers bent up inside you when he reached your spot. His name was moaned loudly from your lips, followed by him removing his hands from out of you and bringing them to his lips, tasting the juices from your pussy on his fingers. he looked at you before placing his fingers deep down your throat. He pulled them out, wiping his fingers on your cheek, “I need a taste.” He stated and you shook your head no, “That’s too far. They’ll hear us.” You stated looking over into the living room. Bakugo grabbed your chin, making you face him, he kissed you again, this time more passionate and slow but still rough, he bit your bottom lip, pulling it. “They won’t hear if you stay quiet. This is all on you.” He replied and you stayed quiet as you felt his hands grab you and turned you against the island top counter , this was closer to the living room, too close almost. The couch was almost right in front of you, only the other side of the table in the way and you could see Todoroki sleeping along with the others.

Bakugou didn’t care and acted as if they were not there. He made you bend over a little and he pulled off your panties, your juices now not having anything to soak through at all. He rubbed your ass roughly before you felt him go down, “so fucking pretty.” He said underneath his breath before you felt his tongue glide between your folds, a groan found it’s way out of your mouth. He started to use his whole mouth, making sure he tasted every part of your pussy. Quiet moans and whimpers leaving your mouth everytime he sucked at your clit, making it even more swollen. He lifted your leg across the counter, his tongue finding its way back to your clit, licking it repeatedly. You never had felt this before, this was something new to you coming from Bakugou. You knew he was experienced but not this much. His mouth pleased you as his hands gripped your ass so he could get a clear view of your pussy. His tongue found itself pressing against your entrance and you moaned louder than expected, he slapped your ass, “Be quiet.” He lowly growled and you gasped as he went back to move his tongue in and out of you, “Bakugo...I’m about to-

“No you’re not.” He stated and you looked back at him confused, he continued to eat you, “I-I can’t...” you breathe out, “Hold it. I want to see your pretty face when you cum, I need to taste everything.” He told you as he turned you around and placed you on the counter. His hand pressed at your pelvic area. He placed 3 fingers inside of you, knuckles deep and your eyes went wide as your back arched. You couldn’t go much longer. You lost it when his lips sucked at your puffy clit. His wrist, thrusting his fingers in and out of you fast and rough at a uncontrollable pace at the same time. Your hands found themselves gripping his hair and he looked up at you, seeing sweat drip down from your face and your curls all messy now, this sight made his cock throb and want to have himself inside of you even more but he just couldn’t get enough of your taste. You looked down at him and you could feel yourself reach your climax, your started to tremble underneath his touch and a foreign liquid came out of your body as you let out a series of loud moans, not caring if you had awoken anyone. Bakugo licked up every juice through a sly smile. He looked up at you, “You didn’t tell me you were a squirter.” He said pulling your panties back over your pussy, kissing your inner thigh gently before going up to kiss you and you tasted yourself on his lips.

When you pulled away from him and looked down at his print, he was really on hard now. You wondered if he’d be willing to take it that far but you didn’t just wanna leave him hanging. You looked up at him, “I...I” you tried to find words but nothing would come out and he placed the palm of his hand on your small cheek, “I don’t need anything in return. Tasting you was more for me than it was for you.” He stated and you played with your fingers, “Are you sure?” You asked and he nodded his head at the living room, you turned around to see Todoroki starting to wake up, “I don’t think you’d keep quiet if i fucked you right here but I’m sure this was enough for you to control that smart mouth of yours when you’re around me.” He stated. “Bakugo-

“I wanted a taste and I got what I came here for. See you at practice.” He said in your ear, making you realize how much you still hated him, “I still don’t like you.” You told him and he chuckled deeply sending chills throughout your body, “Are you trying to tell me or yourself?” He responded and your cheeks heated up and you got quiet. You watched him as he walked back upstairs, you could’ve sworn you saw him wiping your remaining juices off corners of his mouth with his thumb and sucking it off as he left you. realizing what he asked you. You put back on your shorts and you watched as Todoroki got up and came into the kitchen sleepily. “Why are you up?” He asked as He came around to you half asleep. he was about to step into the puddle of your juices on the floor. “Todoroki don’t-

He stepped into it, getting his sock wet, “Who the fuck spilled water and didn’t get it up?” He asked and you acted as if you didn’t know, knowing that the mess came from you, “I-I don’t know but I’ll get it up.” You said softly, realizing that Bakugo didn’t take his rings back and that you’d have to give them back in the morning.

[kissmetae]

Hope

❧ AU: x Taehyung || Friends to Lovers (Lowkey slow-burn)

You felt distressed, caught up in your own emotions and confused by your over-thought thoughts. Going through a rough patch as some would say, where everything felt hopeless and you found yourself scrolling pinterest till 1am looking for "angsty" core aesthetics to fit your new "vibe" of life. But it was easier said than done to dig yourself a hole when your best friend constantly stood by filling the hole back up as you dug in an attempt to stop you, help you and make you feel better, despite having his own issue to deal with... his crush on you.

|| ANGST + SMUT | 11k | x reader | masterlist in bio ||

❧ Disclaimer: This is fiction. Actions and events in these stories are often exaggerated and to a certain degree unrealistic.  Please have this in consideration when reading fiction, especially if it includes sexual content.

❧ Rating: EXPLICIT || sexual content, unprotected sex ||  Warnings: mention of feeling hopeless, "deep reflection", (reader is troubled by something going on in their life but it's open for interpretation/unspecified)

❧ Smut features: Vanilla, desperate, first time together, unprotected, reassuring/concent asking/'checking in' (is this ok? Does it feel good?) top!Tae and a power outage.

How do you know when you've reached the complete state of hopelessness? Do people ever become 100% hopeless? You inhaled deeply and sighed it out. Gaze to the white ceiling, back on the bed and legs up against the wall. The tingle in your feet from the lack of circulation made them look somewhat less alive and feel cold. With a tilt of the hips you allowed your legs to slowly fall to the side, forming a new pose in the shape of a 90 degree angle on the bed and allowing for the less zombie-ish color to return to your feet. Hopelessness. Feeling like there is no point yet still stubbornly aching in the inner crevice of the head with a wish for there to be a chance for something else. A change, a plot twist a sudden eureka to make the entire world loose it's zombie color pallet and become lively and vibrant again. Hope. Or a wish for hope. It's probably some basic programming, like survival instinct, hope instinct. But at this point you didn't want to believe. You wanted to be grumpy, upset, frustrated. To curse society and curse what isn't fair and curse all the norms and expectations around you regardless of who made them up! Curse the media, curse the mold for perfect and the lip filler ads, curse the restrictions planted by your own beliefs and curse the cause of said belief! But feeling frustrated and angry is hard. Not only is it exhausting but it's the hardest emotion to let out fully and feel satisfied by after. If anything anger and frustration feels like a self-fueling fire that keeps burning more and more until you get exhausted and slump down on the bed with your legs up the wall. Crying would've been easier. You sat up, feeling a brief spin in the head due to your advanced modelling poses and reached for your water bottle. Water, Zen, calm rivers, refreshment, sound of clucking water in the harbor... rain. You turned towards your bedroom window at the sudden raging pattering sound outside. Even the sky needed to cry today. You reached for your phone, having it be faced down for the past hour or so after giving up on ranting about your dilemma to your friend. You had two types of friends. Those who were there for you when convenient and those who were there for you regardless. Taehyung was one of them. 3 missed calls. 15 texts- make that 16. A sting of guilt washed through realizing he must've been worried sick the past hour. Too exhausted to use your vocal chords you opened the text chat. Taehyung was the definition personified of a caring person. Sometimes to the extent where you'd question if it was more than anyone deserved. Did the world deserve Taehyung? You didn't make it through the second text before your doorbell rang followed by a loud bang. It sounded urgent... You got up from bed and slipped your feet into your white fluffy slippers and made your way to the front door of your apartment. You unhooked the clasp and unlocked your door to see one of the rainstorm's victims dripping water onto your doormat. Taehyung, Dressed in a green raincoat and hair clinging to his forehead and temples. His chest was rising unnaturally with his attempts to regain his breathe. "Tae-" He stepped in, an arm wrapping around your side and the other pressing your head to his wet shoulder. "If you didn't make me so worried... I would've removed my raincoat before hugging you." He squeezed. "See this as my revenge." His heart was beating fast. He pulled back after a few seconds, breathing stable and his red hands reaching to unbutton his raincoat. Did he not wear gloves? He pulled the door shut behind him and gently kicked off his boots. Apparently not. "I'll... go hang your raincoat in the bathroom for it to dry" you said, taking it from him. He was quick to address the elephant. "Why didn't you reply to my texts?" He followed behind you. "I... I left my phone to charge and I got distracted..." you made up, hanging his raincoat up in the shower. "I didn't come here to scold you, but when you tell me you're feeling hopeless, you get that it makes me worried right?" His voice was gentle and he looked at you with concerned eyes, stood in the door to the bathroom. Actually.... you didn't. Why would anyone worry... everyone seemed to always take it as nihilistic comedy or something and swat it away with something along the lines of "you’re just hungry" or the classic "are you on your period?" Maybe you were or maybe you weren't but why would that matter? Just thinking about it made you feel annoyed. As if any deep emotion only was caused by a period, it's just a period, why would anyone, let alone someone with a period themselves ask someone else that in a way that minimizes the reason they feel upset or angry or whatever emot- "Hey?" Taehyung pulled you back out from inside your head. "I don't know..." He crossed his arms over his chest and you knew that look far too well. "We'll talk about it, but right now, I'm here to make it better and take care of you. Did you eat?" You shook your head. "Great! Because I stopped by at the shop on my way... before the rain attacked me and picked up some stuff, including~" he said with an eager tone and walked towards the grocery bag you hadn’t noticed until now. He picked it up and dug his hand in for something. "Du du du du" he sang dramatically and slowly pulled out the familiar dark blue packaging. The love of your life, the source of all things good. Chocolate. The good one! Not the weird orange wrapping one you hated, but the blue one, the holy blue one, your favorite one. "I remember your frustration when you saw the empty shelf of horror last week and it was restocked today so i picked up three just in case." "THREE?!" "Mhm!" He nodded proudly. You could cry, finally, but for other reasons. "TaeTae you're the best." You walked towards him, hugging him tight. He was the bestest of the best, the hero, the savior, chocolate delivery man. Oh what would life be without him. A blush spread across his cheeks. "You did it again." He said shyly "Hm? Did what?" "You called me TaeTae." "You don't like it?" "... I do." -- Taehyung had you stationed at the kitchen table while he cooked. With a focused gaze he scrolled on his phone, reading the next step for the recipe while stirring the pot. You were pretty sure he knew this recipe by heart now, he'd cooked it for you before and he should be confident in it but seemingly not enough yet to put the recipe down. The kitchen smelt amazing and you could feel your hunger cry out for whatever was simmering in the pot. Taehyung gently tapped the wooden spoon against the pot as he added another ingredient. "Are you going to tell me what happened?" He asked. That's where you'd left him hanging in your texts when exhaustion took over... "I just..." "Is it /that/ thing?" Taehyung asked, very much knowing of your source for distress already. "Kinda... but this time it feels different... I’m not nervous or eager, I just felt like I was waiting and waiting and what if I waited so long for nothing and I.... it doesn’t make sense but I just feel numb at this point and like I'm losing hope. Like every odd is set against me and I'm the only one dumb enough to still bet on myself." "And me. Except I'm not dumb, nor are you and I'll always bet on you. Always." Oh Taehyung... "Well, as your personal doctor and advisor and therapist and nurse, care-taker, comfort teddy and so on, I am going to prescribe you with some stuff." You chuckled. "Please go ahead." He placed a plate in front of you and another on the opposite end of the table. "Firstly, a good healing meal." "And you’ve already done everything in your power right now, you’ve been working hard. Maybetoohard." He mumbled under his breathe followed by a fake cough. "That said, let me distract you." "How?" "Well, some old school friends wanted to go out clubbing this weekend and-" "You don't like clubbing." "Hold on, let me get to the point. My suggestion is that you can come too, it won’t only be them. There will be the general club people too of course and I think most of them were bringing other friends or their girlfriends too so... it might be fun? If it sucks, we'll ditch and go to the midnight bowling place or noraebang, yes?" Maybe having some social interaction, an excuse to dress up and good music wasn't such a bad idea? The only thing bugging you was the potential mess there could be... and lately with your stressed mind you hadn't been the best at handling those environments, but after all this was just a club, with dancing people... it couldn't be that bad right? Bowling did sound fun too though... But you knew distraction and fun was what you probably needed. Maybe it wouldn't solve the issues but maybe it'd make it weigh less. The small distractions did a lot, a big one should do even more. "Sure." "Really?!" You could've sworn you just witnessed his ears wiggle from excitement. "I'll come." -- When Taehyung said "clubbing" you expected big flashy neon signs, a red rope and a guard and pulsing music coming from inside... not a giant base, a sax and a set-up of almost 4 different types of synthesizers. A jazz club. You should've known. The band was some sort of electro jazz fusion sprinkled with funk type band, as they introduced themselves as and they weren't bad, not at all. In fact this was a lot cozier than an uncomfortable packed nightclub. You just wish Taehyung told you so you could've worn your comfy flowy favorite dress rather than your tight little black one, wanting to fit in with the scene... Taehyung was dressed in black slacks, a green sweater and a brown coat that was hung over his chair, paired with his trademark assortment of bracelets on his wrist. Including the one you gave him for his birthday two years ago. He never took it off since the day he got it. It made you smile seeing it on his wrist. Taehyung's old school friends, the few you had managed to great during the evening were all really nice and most of them had their arm either around another or a hand held by another. You couldn't help but feel a little awkward, the questioning looks that didn't need to be vocal for you to understand. "Is this your girlfriend?" Taehyung just smiled, maybe playing it off was best... or did he just not notice the silent question? At first you expected a shrug or something but nope... "Would you like something more to drink?" Taehyung asked, leaning in so you'd hear him over the music and pointing towards your nearly empty glass. "I think I'm alright." "What?" "I'm ok." You leaned in closer. "Do you want to dance?" You and Taehyung were seated alone at one of the many tables as the majority were occupied dancing to the beats of the band and the rest drinking at other tables or mingling around. You had been up there at least twice, maybe even three times dancing the best you could and Taehyung always being by your side but your brain was starting to get a little drowsy. "I think I'm going to call it a night. But you can stay if you want." "No no, if you want to go home I'll come with you, let me walk you home." "I'll take a taxi its ok" "I insist." "So do I" the few drink he had had were enough to make his words braver and bolder. "It's late, I don't want you to go back alone regardless of if you take a taxi. I'll walk you." Fine. "Ok" Taehyung swept the remainder of his wine  and grabbed his coat and waved some quick goodbyes. It was cold outside. Dark and empty... maybe it was good Taehyung insisted after all. He stumbled slightly, alarming you. Your hands instinctively reached for him and he giggled. "You only had two glasses I doubt you're drunk right now." "Maybe I wiwwle tipdie" he giggled, clearly  acting up. "Does wiwwle tipdie Taehyung need help? Should I carry you on my back?" "No! I should be carrying you, do you have a blister on your heal from your shoes? Sore feet? Sore legs? Anything I can use as an excuse?" You laughed, patting him gently on the back. A cold breeze travelled through the street and you pulled your jacket tighter around you. "You're cold?" Taehyung asked "A little... my choice of dress wasn't the best." "I think you look beautiful." The sudden compliment caught you off guard. "... thanks." "Thanks? For what?" "The compliment" "I'm simply stating the facts." He said, looking to the side and slipping his hands into his pockets. "It sure is cold..." Why was it feeling awkward suddenly? Silence between the two of you would usually be comfortable... "Thanks for bringing me too." "Did you have fun?" He turned to face you again. "Yes, it was better than I expected." "I'm glad to hear that." "But let’s go bowling next time." "Sure!" He smiled widely. A source of warmth suddenly surrounded you and you looked up to see Taehyung's face turned away yet again but his arm resting around your shoulder, wrapping his coat around you and urging you closer into his side till your hips almost brushed against each other. The rest of the walk back home was a few minutes of silence, but luckily you didn't live far. "Home sweet home" "How will you get home?" You asked, concerned. "Ah..." he checked the time on his phone. "Well I've missed the last train... so unless I can find a taxi which so far I've seen none I'll have to sleep at the station." "No you're not, come, you can call a taxi from my place and at least wait inside instead of out in the cold." You said, grabbing his arm and pulling him with you through the entrance. "Nobody's picking up?" You asked Taehyung looked down at his phone with a confused look. "It keeps hanging up on me? I don't know if maybe their line is down or something?" "It would explain why we didn't see any on the walk back." "I guess so... so now what?" He looked up at you. "Guess you'll have to stay the night." He grinned. "Can't remember the last time we had a sleep-over" he chuckled and removed his coat. He was right, it must've been years ago... the last time you could remember was a movie night gone sleep over during winter when it had snowed so no traffic was able to move at all. You grabbed a spare cover and a pillow and handed it to Taehyung, sleepiness already present in his eyes. "Hey." Taehyung said, laying out the pillow and cover on your sofa. "If I have a nightmare can I come lay next to you?" He grinned. "If you have to." He replied with a puppy gaze. "Good night TaeTae." His eyes widened and he looked down at the couch. "... Good night." -- The question was when would you wake to the sound of birds chirping instead of the aggressive rasp of the snow plow dragging across the street? It almost sounded like it was more ir less plowing the asphalt off the earth rather than the snow. More irritating was that it just added to your unsatisfying sleep and rough awakening streak. One good morning was all you asked for... You sat up, slid off the edge of the bed and slipped into your slippers that were neatly set up by its side. A scratch of the head and an adjusting pull of the bun on your head and you headed to you first destination; tea. With heavy steps you dragged yourself out of your room and were met by the surprise you had forgotten was left on your couch from last night, sprawled across the sofa... in only boxers. Oh god. The covers were halfway on the floor, only covering his legs, barely. It was cold too but should you just ignore him... no, you couldn't... but what if you woke him up? He was only in boxers and you were already trying your best not to look but your brain had already registered that they were black and Calvins... please no more information... thigh muscles NO! Chest, focus on the chest. He was breathing, he was alive. Inhale, exhale. You carefully made your way towards him. His chest was toned... the type perfect to rest your head on NO! Messy hair... It really didn't help that your best friend was as attractive as he was. You bent down and carefully picked up the cover, pulling it back up over his upper body. He must've been really cold, his nipples- NO. You shook your head furiously to get rid of the thought. You turned around 180 degrees and marched to the kitchen. Tea. Tea. Tea. Tae. TEA! You could hear the covers rustle as he shifted, followed by a soft groan. Oh no... Please no. Although... why was it so dangerous for him to see you in your own home, making tea. I don't know! But regardless it felt like an action movie stealth scene for the grand heist judging by your heart beat. The boiler was too loud, the accidental clink of the mug as you set it to the counter too, the rip of packaging of the tea bag, the wind whistling outside! Sweat? You were sweating, stress consuming you yet again over the moist pointless little thi- "Hey?" The tea cup smashed against the kitchen floor along with your gasp and you grabbed the door handle of the kitchen cupboard for support. Taehyung starred at you with wide startled eyes. Maybe your screech scared him as much as his sudden presence scared you. "Sorry." He chuckled, voice so deep and raspy you could practically feel his vocal chords vibrate. Your heart was pounding hard. Could he at least have been swaddled in the covers and not in his boxers right now... You diverted your eyes to the porcelain shards across the floor. "Wait wait wait!" Taehyung yelped, holding his hand out to stop you from moving. But it was too late. The dark kitchen along with your giddiness had of course resulted in the unfortunate miss step. You sighed, lifting your foot from the chard as you felt something wet trickle down your foot. Taehyung quickly reached to turn the lights on, the bright shine blinding both of you briefly and making the view of him even clearer. "Stay there." Taehyung ordered. Your kitchen was pretty small so there wasn't much space to move without risking another wrong step. A cup of tea and now all this. You slapped your arms to your sides in a deep pout. Making a new cup now just felt wrong but you craved a cup so bad and it was cold... the floor was cold, you were cold... and not to mention everything hanging in form of heavy weights on your shoulders and chilling on top of the imaginary storm cloud above you right now. It's like your issues were mocking you and just making everything worse. Maybe the issue was that you related to the once-was intact mug. You felt split and unorganized, all over the place and dependent on things you knew you shouldn’t be depending your hope and happiness on but yet day after day you’d lose yourself in a visualization of a scenario of perfection were everything would be ok until again the door was slammed in your face and you had to start all over again. No matter how many times you felt like this time would be different and this time you were ready, this time it'd all go your way because the past was forgiven and your time wasn’t right but again and again .... Your patience was running out. You sniffed, wiping the tears from your cheeks with the back of your hand. Taehyung came back holding a broom and a dust pan when he saw your face of tears. "No..." he sounded panicked. He leaned down quickly sweeping the chards to the side of the kitchen and tossing the broom and pan into the pile so he could approach you. Strong lean arms embarrassed you like out of a 6 different angles k-drama scene. A hand found its place on the back of your head, softly petting you as the other pressed you closer to his warm chest. Never had you expected  that hugging Taehyung would feel this safe. May it be because he was the one you could be truly vulnerable with or that he was the one that knew what was going on right now, but whatever he did... he did it just right. "You don't need to say anything." He whispered. "I know." He squeezed you a little firmer. "I know." He reassured. "Sssh" his hand felt so gentle as it caressed you. "It's going to be ok." He felt so warm. "I'm here." His skin felt so soft against your hands. "I'm not going anywhere." Your heart calmed down. Taehyung didn't pull away until you became silent and your breathing stable. But even then he didn't pull away completely, only enough to look at your face and caress his thumbs under each eye gently. "I'll reheat the water for you." He smiled softly and reached for the switch on the kettle. You didn't want to let go, not just yet. But he slipped away carefully and kneeled to sweep up the shards and discarded the pieces into the bin. He briefly disappeared and came back holding his sweater, arms slipped in and pulling it over his head as he entered, causing his shoulders to naturally flex slightly as he slipped it on. He grabbed two mugs from the cupboard, added a bag in each and filled them with the hot water. You tugged and fidgeted at your sleeve as you watched, feeling unusually shy in his presence. "Come, let’s sit on the sofa" Taehyung said and grabbed a mug in each hand but quickly came to a halt. "Your foot!" You had forgotten about it too. He placed the mugs back down and watched you as you lifted to check the cut. "Fuck." Taehyung said and quickly ripped a piece of kitchen towel off and handed it to you. Holding one hand against the fridge for support and the other wiping the smeared mess on your foot you watched as Taehyung quickly disappeared and reappeared again with your med kit. "Does it hurt?" He asked, rummaging through the kit. "No, it just stings a little." He pulled out some disinfectant solution and eyes you quickly up and down. Before you knew it he was stood in front of you, kneeling slightly as you felt his large hand grab a hold behind your thigh and his arm scooped you up on him. Your heart was back to its rapid pace again. He set you down on the sofa carefully and went back to grab the disinfectant and the tea mugs. He sat on the floor in front of you, soaking a cotton pad with the solution and gentle pulling your foot towards him by the ankle. "Ah, thanks goodness it doesn't seem to be deep." He said with relief, gently dabbing the cotton pad to the wound. It stung a little but it wasn't too bad. "All nice and clean, do you have cute band-aids?" "Only boring plain ones I'm afraid." Taehyung scrunched his nose. "Boo." With a band-aid beneath your foot and your longed for tea in your hands you sat next to him on the sofa. "An eventful morning." "I should become your fulltime caretaker at this point." Taehyung joked. "Not that I'd mind." "Will you pay me?" He raised his brows as well as the mug to his lips. "No way." You smiled. "Charity work is good for karma." "I already have good karma!" Taehyung protested, pretending to be offended. He laughed that trademark warm laugh that was like a smooth cackle that somehow always triggered a little firework to go off in your chest. You smiled, looking into your mug as if it'd tell you a fortune. ... you swallowed and looked up. In winter the sun rose late and had begun its voyage above the horizon, painting the sky a bright warm orange tone as it shined in through the window behind Taehyung. No. You didn't have feelings for him. You just felt some post-event shakiness and nerves and for the matter of a fact you finally got your much needed cry. It must just be your chest feeling lighter thanks to the cry. "So, do you have any planes today?" Taehyung asked. "I don't even know what day it is." "Good, I don't have plans either and it's Saturday for your information. But I do have a potential plan and that is, since I'm already here, to spend the day with you unless you have important to do's, which you shouldn't, because you need a break." He whispered towards the end. "A fmnn break." He repeated, biting his lip on the word to censor himself, but he got his point across. "A break would be nice... but when I try, I feel distressed as if I shouldn't be doing it because I'm wasting my time. I need-" "A distraction" Taehyung filled in. You nodded. "Then thou shall sit here and watch my live-in-action cooking show live from your kitchen." He said cheerfully, slapping his hands to his thighs as he stood up. "Do you have strawberries?" He asked. "In the freezer." "Yes!" He made his way to the kitchen, worth to mention is the open floor plan of your apartment so you could see him well enough from where you were seated. The soft messy curls on his head bounced with him as he walked. He dramatically pointed at you with a spatula in his hand. "Welcome." He said, speaking deeply into the spatula. "The pancake and strawberry smoothie extravaganza extraordinaire show with your host." He point his thumb and index under his chin. "Kim Taehyung." His goofiness never failed to bring a smile to your face. He went to grab his phone on the sofa table. "I need background music...." he hummed as he scrolled, spatula still in his other hand. "Jeopardy music 10 hours?" He looked up at you for an opinion. "Please no." He giggled and a calm upbeat song started playing from him phone as he put it back down and resorted to the kitchen. While frying up the first batch he was spaced out, humming on the theme tune to jeopardy anyway. You had made yourself comfortable on the sofa, lying down. The sofa smelt like him now. The same sweet comforting scent as the hug had... and his coat the numerous times he'd wrapped it around you when it was cold or shielded you from the rain with it. But speaking of memory, thinking back at those often occurring times you were also reminded about how a previous "friend" used to try and provoke you into being nervous and shy in Taehyung's presence. You'd been close for years and maybe she had an issue with that or something but she'd always find ways to tease you in way. Claiming Taehyung was giving you "looks" or "checking you out" in ways she as a self-declared expert in men deemed were of more than friendly nature. And since she as expert of men by that likely thought all men were the same, proves how reliable of a source she was. Taehyung he just.... you were close. She just wanted to make you feel embarrassed and self-conscious and make it awkward between you. You hated thinking about that. It made you overthink and feel awkward. Like an evil loop. You looked up at the breakfast chef, catching his eye as he quickly looked back down to the pancakes. You could get used to this view. Handsome man in boxers and sweater making you pancakes when you’re feeling blue, the headline in your head spelled out. The Zen experience of the kitchen fan being turned off brought stillness and Taehyung emerges with a plate of pancakes, disappearing and re-appearing again after denying your offer to help with the strawberry smoothies, plates, forks, knifes and every suitable pancake topping he had been able to locate in your kitchen. And a tube of mustard as a joke that you only kept in your fridge for when your dad came over to dinner and his weird obsession with having mustard on everything. It was probably even expired. "Enjoy your meal." "You're my hero Taehyung." You said, stabbing a pancake. "I can be your hero baby." You froze. "What?" "Haven't you heard that song?" He smiled. Oh.. "Hero? By Enrique Iglesias?" "Ah, now that you mention it-" "With the weird music video were goes on this road trip with the girl and then he's suddenly rubbing money over her body in this random stone house." "Is this what you binge on youtube at 2am when I wake up to 15 links and emotional texts." "Do not judge me!" You giggled. "I'm not, I like waking up to those texts from you. You sent them to me for a reason." Taehyung smiled shyly. "Yeah... anyhow! I have a suggestion, a proposal, a-" "Go on" "Since I'm your hero, but even I weren't. I thought maybe I could stay here a few days? Only if you want me to, of course. I just-" he became shyer. "I like to think that you seem to feel better when I'm around and you're going through a rough time so I'd like to be there for you, like you are for me." Your heart made its presence in your chest known yet again. "You should think.... because it's true." "So?" "It'd be nice." He smiled widely. "Great! But I do need to go home and pack some clothes and... some pajamas and Yeontan! He is a great comforter trust me, he has cheered me up many times when I've cried." "Cried? What were you crying about?" "Oh- uhm it's nothing, it's ok now so." He swatted it away. "Boys cry too." He joked, but it tasted weird. "But he's staying with my parents this weekend, but if you want I can go pick him up." He suggested. "It's ok, he needs time with his grandparent." Taehyung chuckled. "Well they love their grandson so I'm sure they wouldn't mind having him stay an extra day or two." -- You couldn't help but feel bad that Taehyung had to sleep on the sofa... His bag with clothes and necessities was placed in the hallway and the covers neatly hung over the backrest. "We could take turns and sleep in the bed every other day." "I told you it was fine." Taehyung insisted, again. "I just feel bad..." "Then let’s both sleep in your bed and call it even." "...." your cheeks felt hot. "See, so I'll sleep on the sofa. Don't worry about it!" What does he mean "see"? ... you were simply imagining what excuse to use as to how your head would coincidentally end up on his chest instead of your pillow. "Or we'll both sleep on the sofa, but it might be a bit cramped." He continued. "Maybe this was a bad idea..." "Hey no! No, I'm just joking. Don't feel bad ok." Taehyung's hands smoothed down your arms. "Beds are better at healing wounds on the feet too." You exhaled deeply. "Oh TaeTae..." "Doesn't this feel like we're having a pajama party or sleep over?" He smiled. "Kinda, should we build a blanket fort and watch movies?" His mouth dropped open. "I'm just kidding!" You laughed He pouted. "Oh you want to?" A nod. "You want to build a fort and watch movies?" You asked with more excitement. More enthusiastic nodding. You both cracked up laughing on the sofa together. "I'm serious though." Taehyung grinned. -- You lied awake in your bed, eyes to the ceiling. For some wild reason you both thought it would be a great idea to binge through the entire twilight saga series as a source of comedy but you only made it up to half-way through eclipse when it became too much to handle for both of you. The first movie was easy to mock and laugh at and make fun out if but once it got more serious and romantic in new moon it started getting a little awkward. To say the least, feeling flustered from watching twilight but not due to the movie itself but from the presence of Taehyung right next to you in your make-shift sofa blanket fort. You couldn't stop thinking about him. And he was out there... on your sofa, right now. And who knew if he was in cute polka dot pajamas with his hair a mess on the pillow or his tight fitted boxers and his hair tied up.. You bit your lip, crossing your legs at the visual. You remembered the first time you witnessed Taehyung tie his hair up and how it felt like being punched in the gut. It's not possible to be that attractive. "Then aren't you attracted to him?" The voice echoed in your head. Just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean you're attracted to them! Which is very much true. But Taehyung's personality was attractive too which was harder to justify the same way. And his person. And him. The entire package. You sighed. Maybe the stupidest thing you could do right now was reach for your phone and google "do I have feelings for my best friend?" Ah yes. A quiz. Maybe it wasn't so stupid after all, it'd say maybe you like him but you're not into him at the very most. Question 1, do you find them attractive. Well who wouldn't? And like mentioned it doesn't mean you're attracted to him. Yes. Question 2, do they like you? Pfft... what kind of question is that? How would you know? I don't know... or yes I guess? I mean he clearly likes you as a friend or he wouldn't be up to making all this effort for you but do they mean platonically? You ticked maybe. Question 3, Do you stalk them on social media? What the??? He's your best friend! The algorhythm shoves his posts in your face weather you like it or not. Sometimes. Question 4, Do you see them a lot? Yes. Question 5, Do you want to know more about them? You already know everything ... but what he cries about to Yeontan is something. Yes. Question 6, when you see them with somebody else who isn't considered their friend, how do you feel? Jealous. Question 7, when they're around you how do you feel? Nervous or self-conscious or nothing or i don’t know... well nervous AND a little self-conscious depending on the situation and if he's dressed or in just his boxers. Nervous. Question 8, Do you think about them? Yes. Always. Question 9, Do you laugh at their jokes? Another weird one but yes. Question 10, are they your ex? Huh? No. Definitely. A lot. You placed your phone screen down on your chest and let out a sigh. Maybe visualizing a kiss or two while in the shower was a crime after all... or was the question why were you in the first place? He was amazing in every type of way and you wanted to know if he was amazing at kissing too andmaybeinbed but you can't just ask him that or try it out, so you had to resort to imagination.... Who were you even trying to convince at this point? You liked him. Definitely. And a lot. The realization did nothing to help you fall asleep unfortunately. Another 15 minutes in dark silence passed when you suddenly heard the floorboards squeak. Maybe Taehyung was going to the bathroom or grabbing a glass of water... But the soft pats of his feet should've stopped by now... Your half open door pushed open a bit more shyly and Taehyung peaked in. Dressed in pajama bottoms, but no shirt. "You're awake." He said, whispering. "So are you." "I can't sleep..." he rubbed his arm. "I feel lonely." As if you'd deny him looking all shy and vulnerable in your door. You scooted to the side in your bed, making raise his brows in hope and anticipation, fingers fidgeting. "Come." You said, patting the bed next to you. The bed dipped gently as he lied down and you put the covers over him. He shifted onto his side, placing his head on your pillow. This was better. But since you just took an online quiz to realize you had feelings for this man currently shirtless in your bed, you couldn’t help but feel incredibly awkward. "How come you're feeling lonely?" You asked, trying to conceal your stiffness "To a start I sleep better when I get to hold something." He said shyly "Who?" You asked, intending for it to be a thought. "When I'm at home, Yeontan." Of course... "He lays on the bed and I feel less lonely and hearing him walk around or do something makes me feel soothed knowing I'm not alone... for the most part." "Are the tears you cry... tears of loneliness?" You could tell it triggered something in him. He bit his lip and nodded gently, eyes glossy. "For the most part it's just me and a pillow." He confessed. "But you could say-... it's something like that, yes." Face to face, mere inches apart. You thanked the darkness of the room that he couldn't see you blush right now but unreasonable fear that he'd somehow "sense" it in the atmosphere still worried you. You shouldn't have taken that stupid quiz it only made you start overthinking and it was probably rigged and the questions were weird so why should you listen to it? Get back to your senses! He's your best friend and you're comfortable with him! Calm down! "... I know it's dumb" Taehyung mumbled. "I know it seems like I'm this easy-going social butterfly with lots of friends who can find someone to hang out with within seconds... but when I'm alone at home, I just feel so empty. Like if nobody sees me, I don't exist. Thus when I'm alone, I'm not real anymore." "That's very philosophical, but what if someone thinks about you while you are alone? Then wouldn't you exist since somebody has you on their mind?" "But it'd be impossible for me to know and people have better things to do than walk around and daydream about me." It stung a little inside hearing him say this. "People are actually capable of multitasking you see, they can do these better things you speak of and think about you at the same time. I think about you a lot, sometimes I think about you while doing the laundry, riding the bus or taking a show- that sound's wrong." Taehyung chuckled. "But you get what I mean." "What do you mean?" He asked "That I think about you and that you aren't alone TaeTae, you never are. If you're ever feeling lonely, maybe think about me. If that helps. Or get to know yourself more, become your own friend or create an imaginary friend!" "I already do that." "Have an imaginary friend?" "Think about you." Oh. "... does it help?" You asked shyly. He shook his head. "It just makes me miss you and want to come to see you." Is it possible to experience a softer heart attack than you just did? Rather than a heart exploding in saw gore-level mess it gently poofed and became a small cloud of red feathers gently falling to the ground. Since when had you become a softie? Two hours ago you were all if there's no sex in the romance novel, it's not worth my time but now you suddenly felt an urge to ransack the romance section of the nearest library to read every cheesy romance story you could find until you could find one similar to your own. Your... own? What? With... with Taehyung? ... not that you’d visualize every male lead character as coincidentally similar to him regardless of how their looks were described in the book.... "Maybe I do need to spend some time with myself to get over it..." No! Stay here with me! "I can spend more time with you." Taehyung looked up. "I think that could benefit us both." He sounded more hopeful now. "Well, you're already here so it's also convenient." Despite the darkness you could make out the smile on his face that appeared. Cute. But wait... did Taehyung suggest he could stay here for you, because he felt lonely? He shifted slightly and the sheets rustled. His leg accidently brushed against yours and your first thought was to tangle your legs with his in a leg tackle war... but you still felt too on edge to act casual and playful with him like you normally could. You swallowed. "How long have you felt this way?" "A while... a long while. At first it was nothing but then it got worse and even more worse when I realized this one thing." "What thing was that if I may ask?" He sighed. "It's hard to explain... but, say a friend." "Mhm?" "A friend feels kinda lost, existentialism and stuff going on, doesn't like to be by himself, then he finds this person and they make him forget it all but once they’re apart it all returns to him again like they were his escape but only for as long as they were together." "Is that only with that one person or all?" "No no, only that person. And then he realizes he might be in love, or he's addicted to the person in a way, but in a good way not an obsessive way just-" "In love?" "Something like that." "You're in love?" "Huh?! What no! This was about a friend! I'm not talking about me!" "Then what did you realize Taehyung?" You could tell his mind briefly blanked in panic. "I realized that maybe I, as said friend need to find that person for me." "A person?" He nodded shyly. "You want to fall in love?" "I don't know... something like that." 'Something like that' seemed to be his catchphrase this evening. But in love? A person? His person?... that couldn't be you... could it? Did he want you to be his person? Were you his person?? The questions and confusion kept spiraling through your head, (finally) making you feel tired and exhausted. "I think... I just want to tend to someone else than myself, to not have to think so much about it and instead take care of somebody else." "Is that why you offered to stay?" "Yes and no, I want to take care of you because I am genuinely concerned and worried about you, I want to be there for you. But also, sleeping on the couch last night, hearing you tiptoe around the kitchen... it made me feel comforted." His voice sounded drowsy. "If you want... I can be your person in this scenario." You suggested. "You've already become.. person." He mumbled, sinking deeper into his half-awake state. -- You stretched your leg out one at the time, twisting your body gently and inhaling deeply into a stretch, gently batting your eyes open. You pushed a palm against the bed to get up into a seated position when something suddenly restrained you, heavy over your abdomen. Surprised, you raised the sheet to see the reminder of what you had forgotten last night. Over your waist, a lean arm with faint thin dark hairs and a few subtle veins travelling up the forearm from the large hand clung to the side of your waist... all attached to the source of warmth to your left, Taehyung. His dark locks a mess on the pillow, his bare upper body now fully on display in the daylight and his polka dot pajama pants haven travelled down a bit too far low for your sanity... Cursed be the eyes in your skull for travelling down the view. You would've noticed it sooner or later regardless, especially since your thigh was  a hair between touching it. It, being the weird relief of knowing he got some deep relaxing sleep in... but with an awkward morning surprise... and his arm wouldn't grant you freedom without you accidentally or intentionally having to wake him up. You carefully shifted to at least have your thighs at a safer distance, but your bed wasn't intended for two people, so it was easier said than done. His grip suddenly tightened and a low groan escaped him as he shifted. Why did you feel fear as if you shouldn’t be present in your bed in which he entered himself. If anyone Taehyung should be the one fearing his life right now. His thumb caressed your side gently and it felt nice... soothing. Until his eyes suddenly opened wide with a soft gasp as you felt his morning hard on grace against your thigh. Eyes that pleaded and begged you didn't notice pierced into yours and you decided to play along. "Did you sleep well?" His hand quickly retreated to your disappointment. "Sorry i... I did it in my sleep it wasn't-" "It's ok, you said you sleep well holding something and being held didn't feel too bad..." "Well, in that case, I actually slept better than I have in a really long time." He said, voice raspy and deep still. He rolled onto his back, thankfully, and placed his hand behind his head. "Did you?" "Huh?" "Did you sleep well?" "In fact, I did." You said, answering truthfully and resisting the urge to put your head on his bare chest. If only the lord or whoever would stop testing me... "Hungry?" He asked. You nodded. "Great, I'll fix something ok, but close your eyes." "Why?" "I'm shirtless." ... right. You covered your eyes with your hands and the warmth left your side as he got up and escaped the room. You slowly got up, trying to win some time for him but a few brief seconds later heard the sound of the bathroom door down the hall closing and locking. Yikes. That went smoother than expected. You set up some tea, knowing Taehyung described coffee as the closest to unlethal poison you could find, you knew he'd prefer tea or hot chocolate and that there was no use to ask. You knew him too well. It was nice having him here. And waking up with a strong arm around your waist wasn't too bad either... if only you could've let yourself enjoy the moment instead of freaking out, what if he grew cautious now and you'd never experience it again? You sighed softly, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard. After a while, the kettle clicked and you poured some water into each mug. It had been a while now... ... was he meditating in there? There was no sound of the shower, or anything, not that you were listening. Would it be weird if you asked if he was ok? Since the kettle was off the entire apartment became significantly more silent. You heard a faint mumble. "Fuck..." You swallowed. Ear please momentarily turn off, mind and imagination too please. You reached to put the kettle back on but since the water was already hot it clicked off again after 5 seconds. The bathroom door opened and you braced yourself to not look down. Luckily, he was now wearing his oversized sweater or else you would've failed immediately. He let out a soft chuckle. "I spaced out." His cheeks were flushed red and glowing. Right. "I made you some tea." -- Why were deep topics always easier to talk about at night? Were people like clams? You wake up and it opens a little and once we hit the night the clam is fully open and then closes during sleep to a new no-talk-me-I-not-have-tea-yet to ask-me-about-how-i-view-existentialism cycle? Or were nights just vulnerable with the darkness? In that case you should metaphorically speaking be an open clam all day during winter when the sun goes into its own hibernation. But here you were again, just like last night, except... 20 minutes into the sudden power outage that made your impromptu movie night come to a halt. And it was getting really cold. Bundled up under a cover together, staring at the flicker of the candle on the coffee table in silence. "I was going to offer to make you tea to warm you up but the kettle..." Taehyung said with a soft chuckle. "The power will probably come back any moment soon." He said optimistically. As you looked out of the window earlier, you noticed it wasn't just your place, but the entire block seemed to have an outage. Unusual. But the current roaring rain storm outside likely had something to do with it. The wind was aggressive, the windows shook, it whistled in a creepy way and the trees outside rustled loudly. "How about we play a game?" Taehyung suddenly suggested, breaking off the silence again. He was feeling awkward, you could tell. He always rested his hands in his lap, fidgeting or poking at the cuticles of his nails when he felt awkward. "Sure, what should we play?" His face lit up. "Questions and answers? I can start!" "Shoot!" You folded your legs and shifted to face him on the couch. "What's your ideal type." ... he... immediately went there. "Looks or personality?" Taehyung shrugged. "Both." "Well it depends on the vibe they give off of course... and mainly. I guess tall, but it's not that important, wide shoulders are always nice." You paused to think, how can I describe Taehyung without it sounding like I'm describing Taehyung. "Funny, caring, optimistic, outgoing..." "Like me!" He smiled widely. You leaned back, squinting while caressing your chin, examining him playfully. "Hmmmn" He placed his hands under his jaw, like he was displaying his face and batted his eyelashes. "Not bad, not bad." He looked disappointed. "Just not bad?" You playfully nudged his arm. "It's your turn to answer. "Fine." He pouted, crossing his arms over his chest but cracking a giggle. "I'll ask you the same question." "Very original, you." "It's called recycling, so tell me." "I did." "Huh?" "You." Your heart froze briefly before beginning to pound. "Me?" "Mn!" He said confidently. "You're not bad" he mocked. You swallowed. "I have a question about the rules." "Go on" "If I ask you anything, do you have to tell the truth?" "Yes! Nothing but. So you better tell me what you actually think rather than 'not bad'" "Is the friend you talked about actually you? And am I the person?" He tensed up, swallowing. "I guess it was obvious..." he mumbled, rubbing his arm and looking down at his lap. "I just..." he began, but reluctance interrupted him. "I understand." You said. He looked up, seemingly surprised yet still tensed "I make you feel less lonely." He nodded slowly. "Which makes sense. After all we're best friends." You continued. "... right." He looked away. "Best friends." Taehyung reached up to move his hair away from his eyes, still facing down as if he was considering something. "So... what do you think of me?" His voice sounded more serious. Where to start of course he was gorgeous! Wide shoulders, a build you'd die to slide your hands down, dark big eyes, a sweet smile with plump lips, sculpted perfectly and his honey skin. Person wise... he was someone you'd want to have as your person. "A nice person" He scoffed. "Seriously?" He seemed upset. He finally looked up, meeting your gaze. There was a sparkle in his eye. The warm light from the candle made his face glow even more. "I mean person as in the person you have, a your-person" "A nice your-person?" He tilted his head. "You told me yesterday in bed that you can feel like someone is your person because they bring you comfort and make all your problems go away and you feel better just by being in their presence! A nice that-type-of-person." "But I was talking about you!" He pleaded "And now I'm talking about you." "You are my person, what do you mean?" He asked, placing emphasis on "my" "That you're my person too. Am I being unclear?" "No, not at all. I just wanted to hear you say it." "So you tricked me?" You scoffed. "Not really." He leaned closer. "But maybe I set you up and you simply walked into my trap." "So now what? We're just going to sit here in denial over the fact that we both admitted to being each other's person?" You questioned, feeling slightly panicky and picking at your nails. Was this platonic or not? "We don't have to" he grinned. "But to be clear, I'm not talking about you being my person as in my other half, my best friend type person, even though you are that too bit this isn't it." "Are you trying to tell me that you're in love with me?" He tensed up again. Fuck it. "Then just say it, stop confusing me with your riddles and metaphors and I won't do the same. Just tell me-" His hand pressed against the back of your head as he leaned in almost all the way. He caressed the back of your head gently and your gaze dropped to his soft pink lips with the tiny freckle to the side. You leaned in close enough to brush a gentle touch before Taehyung pressed you closer for your lips to finally collide. It started off desperate yet a little shy. You pressed back, grabbing at his sides and the kiss deepened. Your heart was pounding. Never did you expect he'd just go for it and kiss you when you showed some bold courage towards him but you didn’t have a slightest regret because he tasted so good against your mouth. His plump pink lips so passionate, so needy but also so gentle and triggering an explosion in your chest. Taehyung leaned over you, making you lay down on the couch as he crawled on top and it turned into an even wilder heated make out. Your hand tangled into his hair, his hand rubbed against the side of your waist under your top. Fearing it'd be the first, last and only, you wanted every single piece of this moment you could have. Unintentional, his touch triggered a soft moan to escape your throat, which subsequently triggered a groan from Taehyung. Making a sound like that with his voice should be illegal. It did things to you, things you didn't want to confess. But the box of secret confessions was torn open within seconds as Taehyung, a heavy breathing mess suddenly pulled away from your lips and landed by your ear, exhaling deeply. "Fuck, I'm hard." He groaned and you knew the box was flying out the windows with your filthy confession floating aimlessly around for him to hear but all you managed to stutter out was a choked "huh?" "If you knew how long I've wanted you for." He whispered. "How scared I've been of being rejected because I knew it'd shatter me." The hopeless romantic you knew he was made his attendance known. "A friend?" You chuckled. "Maybe I set myself up with that one, I admit. But I was hoping you'd catch on." He chuckled, still breathless. He planted a kiss against your neck. Were you about to have sex? Would it lead to that? Did you mind? Certainly not... Taehyung pushed up slightly, looking down at you. "May I?" You nodded and he smiled widely, pressing a kiss to your lips. Shifting, he easily found his place between your thighs and grinded up against you slowly with pressure, causing both of you to exhale into a sweet needy moan. Your feelings felt scattered all over the place but this wasn't the time to pick them up. You wanted to let go, to surrender, just for this moment. Let go of everything clawing at your back, clouding the sunny skies and draining you. There is nothing more exhausting than smiling pretending everything is ok while whatever inflated issue in beast form is clawing its nails across your back and the scars sting like lemon juice was just rubbed all over you, feeling disgusting and sticky, let alone in pain and with a sore back from the held tension. He grinded again, sensually this time as the tip of his nose travelled up your neck, inhaling your sweet scent. "Mmm" he hummed softly. Your hand made its way to his nape as he settled by your neck. "I could fall asleep here." He chuckled. "Right here in your neck, it's so warm and smells so nice. It's more effective than lavender." "Are you enchanted by my odor?" He laughed his trademark bubble laugh. "I wish you knew how much fun you are." He squeezed you, rubbing up firmer to you with a desperate grunt. "Fuck I can't take it anymore." He stood on his knees, crossing his arms in front of him and grabbing the hem of his sweater, pulling it up and off, exposing his soft skin and toned chest as it fell to the floor. His hand reached for the button on his pants but before making it to the zipper his attention returned back to you with his hands sliding up under your top and pulling it up over your head. "I just want to make sure again... is it ok?" He asked, eyes big. "Yes, touch me, kiss me, do whatever you want just don’t leave the couch. At least not without me." He smirked at this, finally able to surrender to his greed. Taehyung reached for the waistline of your pants, unbuttoning, unzipping and pulling them down your hips with your underwear going off with them. His fingers softly rakes over your skin as he travelled down your legs, your hips lifted to assist him and then they were tossed onto the floor. He reached for his own zipper again but you sat up, quickly swatting his hand away and reaching for it yourself. He was on his knees between your thighs. You pulled them down, sliding your hands over his soft curved hips, revealing his tight fitted boxers with little to any space left for his hard on. You swallowed. He blushed. Relieved that Taehyung took over the lead again you lied back down as his hands gently pushed you back, slipping the bra straps off your shoulders and reaching behind you to unhook and free you from your final piece of clothing. But with this one he wasn't in a rush. He slowly tugged at the lacey fabric, revealing your chest to him as he bit his lip. "Wow." He mumbled and his patience was gone. One hand grabbed your left boob, feeling it and squeezing it softly as the other slipped into his boxer to touch himself. He whimpered, seemingly trembling as a result of his desperation and the discomfort he must be feeling in those tight pair of... he let go of your boob, quickly pulling his boxers down and himself out. You felt your core twist and ache and his boxers joined the pile of clothes on the floor. Taehyung fell forward onto all fours on top of you. Fully exposed, fully erect and a full sight to take in in the dim light in the dark. Distracted and eyes travelling all over him, his hand suddenly cupped your chin, tilting it up for you to face him. His nose graced over yours in a sweet eskimo kiss before his lips, just as gently pressed to yours. Taehyung's hand slid down your neck, your chest and down until he found himself. Your toes curled as you felt his touch where you wanted him the most in this moment, the tip of him slowly sliding up and down your slit, triggering your need even more. Taehyung let out a shaky exhale. His lips were parted and eyes staring right down at your exposed curves. He positioned himself, slowly sliding the tip in, just to feel... just to get some urgent relief... he leaned his head back and his hands landed a tight grip of your waist. He couldn't take it anymore. Slowly and carefully he began to push. Making sure by studying your every expression that he wasn't hurting you and that it felt good. A sweet whimper escaped you, causing him to grin in delight as he pushed in deeper. He was thick... the gentle stretch he caused felt amazing and you couldn't stop yourself from clenching around him, making him moan and managing to make you even wetter just by the sound. With a soft grunt he slipped in all the way. Giving you a moment to adjust to his size, he moved his hand up to caress your cheek with the back of his hand. His touch felt like magic. Like a gentle feather smoothing over your cheek, but slender and strong, with long dainty beautiful fingers. You leaned into his touch. "Does it feel ok?" He whispered. You gave a reassuring nod. He pulled his hips back and thrusted back in, not too soft and not too hard he picked up a slow but deep rhythm for his movements. Your hands felt their way up and across his back, studying every curve and where he naturally flexed as he moved. His hands were firmly holding you in place at the waist, every desperate exhale and every shaky inhale sending almost an ASMR like tingle down your spine via your ear until your name suddenly slipped his lips. Most people feel a fuzzy like feeling inside hearing their proper name be called but this... this was unlike no other time. His deep voice, following a whimper, exhaling your name like a magic spell and it fading into a shiver-causing moan. To put it simply it was the sexiest thing you've ever heard and it activated a whole new part within you that felt foreign but so so so good. Like your blood had suddenly turned into liquid gold, all happy hormones releasing in a firework spelling the world "nothing else matters" in an imaginary sky. You wrapped your arms tighter around him, moaning his name out felt liberating. And it clearly triggered an equal reaction. His cheeks were already flushed and his eyes went wide. He smirked, growing more desperate, fucking your harder and deeper, chasing release. "Please cum for me." He whispered, pleading. "Please." He didn't need to place a formal request, you were already loosing yourself. The only sound echoing in the darkness being the roaring wind and rain along with your breaths and groans and the sound of his hips and your thighs. Wet, heavenly sounds to you. His sweet moans, his broad back, his dick... everything about him made you feel euphoric. The ever building tension below, the sweat forming on his forehead... "I'm gonna cum" he whimpered. Thinking your body couldn't possibly react stronger to him than it already was, it did. The thrusts grew faster, grunts louder and you could feel yourself leak even more. Back arching, tension growing... it felt even tighter now... you could feel him so well, every movement until you suddenly came un-done with a loud whimper to his ear, setting him off into his own orgasm, cumming deep inside with a string of "oh"s and groans, gritting his teeth together and tensing his face in a greedy expression. He slowed down to a halt, remaining inside, breathless on top of you. The light on the sofa table had reached its end and the faint scent of smoke filled the air as the flame went out, making the room completely pitch black. Taehyung's face nuzzled softly against your neck, inhaling the scent of you deeply  and being soothed. "Wow." He coughed, followed by a groan. "Wow." You repeated, happy that the light went out so he couldn’t see your flushed face. "You ok?" He whispered, vulnerability present in his voice. "I didn't go to hard right?" "It was amazing." He let out a breath of release and an awkward chuckle. "I'll pull out.." he said shyly, moving his hips back slowly and gently, slipping out. To your surprise, Taehyung climbed off of you, standing on his feet. The cold air made your nipples ache and your skin shiver. You wanted your human blanket and source of heat back. But you didn’t have to wait for long. A pair of strong arms slid in under you, lifting you up with ease. "The sofa is too tiny." He carried you into your bedroom, gently putting you back down on the bed and laying down on his side next to you, pulling you close to his chest where his heart was still pounding hard. He hugged you tight, caressing the back of your head. His lips pressed against the crown of your head gently. "My good girl." He whispered, sounding almost proud. Your cheeks burned and a weird sense to cry bubbled up but you quickly swallowed it and hugged him tighter, burying your face against his chest. Never had you thought being called a good girl, specifically "Taehyung's" good girl would be able to move you to tears. But maybe it's what you needed to hear, mixed with the hormonal serotonin cocktail your body just released upon you. "You'll always have me." He nuzzled his nose in your hair. With a click the power came back on, including your pink hue nightstand lamp next to the bed. Taehyung's cheeks were deeply flushed, amplified by the flattering pink light cast over him. You giggled.   Had this really just happened? Because it felt so right. Or was it just the relief of sex? But masturbating had never made you feel this emotional before... You looked up at Taehyung's face again and he smiled softly, his hand caressing your bare back up and down. It was definitely him.

[koulia]

𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐥𝐲

𖤐 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ➮ nothing !!

𖤐 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 ➮ fluff ,, oikawa , bokuto x gn!reader

𖤐 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 ➮ black!gn!reader ,, i got this idea while washing my face lol ,, there’s gonna be multiple parts for my other captains y’all just wait <3 i swear i’m having the hardest time formatting this what the hell im so sorry 🚶🏾‍♀️

𖤐 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ➮ having a spa night with my fav pretty boys <3

he wouldn’t be able to sit through it all djdjhdhd

he wouldn’t be able to sit through it all djdjhdhd

he wouldn’t be able to sit through it all djdjhdhd

it’s the thought that counts <33

“What’s this?” Bokuto asked, pointing towards the box.

You had gotten a few new items of makeup last week, so you decided to try them out.

“Can I try it!?” Your boyfriend asked excitedly, grinning from ear to ear.

“Mm, no. I’ll put it on you though”

He nodded, shifting around on the stool.

“What color?” You asked, opening the large pallet.

His eyes widened at the sight of all those colors,

“Woah..” He scanned the pallet, and then finally answered with a very loud, “BLUE!”

You picked up a brush and start applying the royal blue to his eyelids, humming to yourself.

He kept wiggling around, trying to see himself in the bathroom mirror,

“How do I look? Am I pretty now? OOH CAN WE TAKE PICTURES!?”

“Kou, if you keep moving I won’t be able to put this on correctly” You said, moving onto his next eye.

He pouted for a moment before smiling once again.

You had finished both his eyes, so you applied the lashes next.

To your surprise, he started giggling like a child.

“Are you.. ticklish?” You questioned, holding back laughter.

The Kotarou Bokuto is ticklish.

“ARE YOU??” He practically shouted, relentlessly tickling you.

“W-WAIT WAIT PLE- PAHAHAHA STOP” You shrieked, dropping the extra lashes.

So there you were, being tickled by your 6’1 boyfriend who’s eyelids were painted with royal blue, accentuating his eyes.

𝐓𝐨𝐫𝐮𝐮 𝐎𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚

he’d act like he knows everything about makeup n shit

in reality you both know he doesn’t

most likely would try doing your makeup to “prove how good he is at it”

sis comes out lookin a hot mess

he tried i guess

“I’m telling you, Y/N, I’m a makeup god,” Oikawa persisted,

“Let me do your makeup, just this once. Pleaseeeeeee” He did the puppy dog eyes ihopes of convincing you— to his appeal, they worked.

You sighed, “Fine, Toruu. Just don’t make me look horrible.”

“Shh shh I won’t. Juuuussttt relax.” He grinned, picking up the pallets.

You felt him carefully attempt to put gold eyeshadow on you, his hands slightly trembling. You saw his lip turn upward into a smile, but thought nothing of it.

Well, the trembling only got worse when he moved on to do your eyeliner, you swore you felt him put it everywhere but your actual eyelid.

“Does it look good, Toorū??” you ask, fiddling with the end of your his shirt.

“Yeah! Didnt I tell you I’m a god at this” he answers, moving over to grab the lipstick.

When he moved to grab it, you also turned to face the mirror,

“TOORU WHAT THE HELL-“ You say between laughter, eyes watering up at the sight of what he did.

“Whaaatt? you don’t like it? That hurts my feelings Y/N.” he said in fake sadness, pretending to cry, “Wait actually lemme see”

He bent down to get a better view and instantly let out all the laughter he’s been holding this whole time.

“OH MAN I REALLY FUCKED YOU UP HUH?” he basically shouts, knees wobbling with how much he’s cackling.

You’re glad that you got to have a night like this, staying inside, choking on laughter, letting your boyfriend do your makeup, all of it just made you that much more excited for the next one.

[bangtanblurbs]

young forever

song: young forever by BTS

first experience: strangely enough i have a very visceral memory of when forever young dropped. it was during finals week of my final year in undergrad. the song released on a sunday in the wee hours (or perhaps a monday? - days tend to run together during finals week). i didn’t have many assignments due that year since my course load was light and i was really just coasting into grad school the year afterwards (at the same institution i attend for undergrad). i remember logging onto youtube and catching the video as it premiered. i was stunned. HYYH pt. 1 and HYYH pt. 2 were heavenly to me, so of course young forever was greatly anticipated for me - the aesthetics, continuation of the story, and also simply getting new bangtan music. the cotton candy color pallet loaded onto my phone screen, and RM’s beautiful voice can through my earphones... i was immediately in love. 

every member looked completely stunning. the message i got from the video was... incredibly powerful. the maze. the lyrics. all of it resonated with me, a young woman -- 22 years old -- soon to turn another corner in life. i sat in my dorm room preparing for a busy week, as i was the RA in my dormitory and needed to help my students move out that week... as i prepared for my graduation and transition into my next step in life... i was also shipping out to macau, china for the summer in a few weeks so i geared up for that. this video dropping was almost a breath of fresh air from everything going on. i was able to really sit and enjoy it, but also reflect on my past, present, and the future to come. 

feelings: well, i have quite a lot. as someone who has been chronically obsessed with the story of peter pan since age seven, i’d say that youth is something i value - perhaps a bit too much. what’s interesting though is young forever isn’t necessarily about youth in the rawest sense... it’s also about dreams, reaching the point in your life where you’re happy, with yourself, your circumstances, ultimately your place in life. which i suppose most people equate that with youth, the innocence and naivety of it all. for me, thinking about forever young is kind of about that anxiety we carry as we get younger - have a made good use of my youth? did i squander it, getting caught up in the day to day or bogged down by my demons? the worry that our youth is our prime and when it’s gone, where do we go next? retire? it’s kind of funny thinking about this now as I’m 27 instead of 22. do i feel any older? no, not really - i feel the same. the same energy, the same zeal for life. do i look back on the days when i was younger and think that my youth is gone? no. for me - youth - it’s a state of mind. it’s an ethos, a way of proceeding forwards in my life. i didn’t always think this way - perhaps that was wrapped up in my anxiety about getting older. i used to lament my birthday each passing year - god turning 23 felt the absolute worst for some reason. it’s funny now though - how i almost feel younger, lighter, now than i did. youth should be a feeling of unburdened peace right? ideally it would seem so - but the reality in our world today... youth is pain. youth is struggling. youth is stumbling through the dark and trying to figure out who the hell you are, who the hell you want to be. i still feel like i’m stuck in that place, that place of wonder - of reaching out, exploring, experiencing... i feel as naïve as ever despite the pain that courses through some of my life. 

so back to young forever - how does the song make me feel? it makes me feel at home. at peace. forever we can carry our youth, forever we can approach our lives with childish curiosity, with the energy to follow our dreams, with a dedication to our passion, and an and endless realization that change is the only constant in our lives. despite the ups and downs that might come with living with this mindset - i wouldn’t want to live any other way. what’s the point of continuing to grind hard every day in the cruel systems our society has built if we can’t at least say we did it with voracious appetite to experience fully our surroundings, emotions, and imaginations?

personal connection: it’s rather hard for me to nail down all of my personal connections to young forever. as i mentioned, i have a really strong connection to the story of peter pan. i’ll briefly explain why and how that plays in here - but i must warn you... if you’re uncomfortable with strangers oversharing on the internet, perhaps this isn’t the blog for you to read. i’m quite comfortable bearing my soul to people i don’t know. for some reason vulnerability has never been something i’ve struggled with - perhaps it’s the naivety i love about myself. anyways... here we go.

when i was 17 my best friend passed away from cancer. it was relatively quick. just a summer we spent together gossiping in a hospital room, machines beeping while we tried our very best just to giggle about boys and lament our torturous IB courses. i’d known her nearly my whole life. meeting in second grade - and bonding quickly over a love for the whimsy of peter pan’s story. we’d gush on the playground about flying away to neverland - where we could do whatever we wanted. explore, sing, fly. but she was gone then. gone far too soon. frozen in a youthful state in my mind. her passing is still the hardest thing i’ve ever been through in my life, and i’ve been through some scary shit. immediately when i hard young forever i thought about her. i thought about how she lived. she was fearless. the bravest and strongest person i ever knew, and still to this day, have ever known. knowing her - experiencing her soul - it changed me. once she passed away i had to be strong, my classmates looked to me as their rock, my parents forbid me to cry, everyone pushed me into adulthood way too quickly. i was just a seventeen year old girl. i was having a crisis - i wanted nothing more than to speak to my best friend as i navigated choosing my next steps after high school. but she wasn’t there, and i wasn’t allowed to feel. i was terrified. my youth was gone. nothing seemed fun anymore. youth became pain as i looked around at my peers who were back to normal in a matter of weeks. giggling with one another, moving along with life. i became a robot. quickly i threw myself into school work. i was already a high achieving student but i climbed higher. i worked harder. i had decided that for the life she couldn’t live, i would live it for her. i’d go to the best college i could, i’d do all the things i never dreamed i could. i’d do it for her. but i wasn’t living. i had let my youth go. i was fading away. just a shell. 

it’s funny. or perhaps it’s not. young forever is a comfort song. a comfort song with some incredible darkness in it. the anxiety in namjoon’s verse, yoongi’s speaking to hiding feelings - pushing forward despite what he carries, hoseok’s verse about letting himself go and just giving what he has to keep pushing. their words - that’s how i felt. the song dropped around four years after my friend’s passing. i needed it before then. although perhaps it wouldn’t have “saved me” because music doesn’t save, music gives us the strength and comfort we need to save ourselves (i’m not a fan of taking way my own agency in MY story), it might have offered me a light in an increasingly blurry world. 

a year prior to the song’s release i’d spent a summer in china. my life changed there. i lived with seven incredibly bright middle school girls. that experience, i never thought it would start to heal me the way it did. they were under immense pressure (the education system in china is total bullshit)... and they told me “caroline, youth is pain. it’s not beautiful. it’s a period where we struggle the most.” i’d never heard this. the typical western perspective is that youth is “the most beautiful part of life” - it’s where you fall in love, it’s where you get hurt and you pick yourself up, it’s where you find yourself, you feel invincible. but that’s just it - it’s also where you can get incredibly lost (like the maze in the video). not all of us experience youth without pain. this perspective helped me to heal. i wasn’t so alone - i wasn’t squandering my youth, sure - i was treading water - but that was okay. i could cry. i could feel. and so, at this point i began to write my own story again. rather than living for someone else, i decided to throw the book out the window, to pick myself and run like hell towards what i wanted. to accept the freefall of life. that’s youth. that’s the most beautiful part of life. the part where you free yourself from whatever chains society has on you. youth is only associated with being a child because that who should be the most free. when truly youth, youth is that period in your life when you learn to live for yourself, your dreams. dream, hope, keep going. don’t fucking stop.

so this brings us to 2016. i was weeks away from a new journey abroad when young forever dropped. i was doing better. life felt lighter. i still had a long way to go, but some things i’d gotten right. i gained confidence, i navigated my interpersonal relationships with more poise. etc etc. going to china the second time, it changed me more. i did things on my own i’d never dreamed of doing. crossing multiple national borders, making friends with people i couldn’t communicate with. i opened my heart to it all. and i fell in love with myself. for the first time. i fell in love with how completely i embraced my freedom and coupled it with my drive, my passions. that is what young forever is about. it’s about the struggle but the continued commitment to the state of mind that once you’re free - once you embraced that childlike state of being - you can achieve so much happiness. 

which brings us to now - how do i connect to the song now? much in the same way that i did before. carrying these emotions connected to this song so deeply into adulthood has been incredibly touching. i’ve matured with bangtan. from 2015 to now. i’ve only grown in how i embrace my youth. sure, i have to conform at times, play the adult, but the motto “dream, hope, keep going.” that’s what i live by. nothing can change that for me now. i’m still fucking lost, but i’m running like hell. i have my setbacks, my demons, my challenges, but i’ve never been so fucking free. that’s young forever for me. thank you for reading my story. 

song breakdown:

musically: something i truly love about young forever is that it’s really atypical in how it flows musically and the entire structure of the song. it’s creativity run wild - it’s a story and build. and i love that. it starts off slow, soft, with a sweet sadness. the highlight isn’t the backing track, it’s the honey rap voices. it’s absolutely perfect. understated and building. with each new voice that comes in the beat speeds up. it’s like running. which is fitting. because the story in the song is that of bangtan. the lyrics say it, the boys are worried - worried about how well they’ve done, when they’ll stop gaining success, concerned that all of this life will end, wondering who they are in this - the performance the journey. they are quite literally running towards their dreams. we see this in the song lyrically. 

once the chorus comes, we need an increased speed in the beat and the song picks up with the chanting of the mantra. “forever, we are young.” us together, bangtan and ARMY. the song fades into the beautiful clapping beat, the refrains of dream, hope, keep going. musically the song is beautifully understated in a way that can only draw out the listeners’ emotions and highlight the charged encouraging lyrics. the story here is clear and only more illuminated by the musical choices. 

vocally: young forever is such a treat. it’s a rap heavy song, but not in a way that takes away from the beautiful second half of the song which is full of beautiful vocal line refrains and ad libs. it’s a chant song. a comfort song. and perhaps that’s why it’s stuck with me for all these years as one of my ultimate favorite BTS songs. 

when the song begins we are greet by namjoon’s beautiful low rap register. he delivers the rap melodically slow. you can appreciate the way his voice carries emotion and the tempo of the beginning story, of the emotional journey the song embarks upon. following namjoon’s beautiful voice is yoongi. who assumes a slower rap style initially. he has a few parts where he treats us to shout rapping as well - which give us kind of a pleading emotion - we can hear his lament for the pressure placed upon him as he stands in the spotlight. finally, rapline is rounded out by hoseok - i’m gonna say it - this is one of hoseok’s best slow verses. he offers his usual spicy tone, giving the trap style endings to each line. the emotion hits it’s peak with the punch tones and hoseok’s strong committment to his lines expressing his desires, his drive. 

the second half of the song is dominated by the beautiful tones of vocal line. taehyung leads us into the chorus with his beautiful deep register, followed by jungkook’s high tones. the juxtaposition of their voices coupled by jin and backed by jimin’s beautiful melodies is absolutely stunning. rapline takes turns coming in with the refrain “dream, hope, keep going.” all of this mixed together is simply stunning. it’s like hope in vocal form. we have the low and the highs, the singing voices and the speaking refrains. most devastatingly is jimin’s forever ever ever - piercing the background of the song. highlighting the longing - the conviction - to youth - the spirit of it, the beauty of it. the chant portion of the song is also what makes this song so devastating to hear live. everyone comes in, blends together and makes the message resonate completely. 

lyrically: here. we. go. a DEEP DIVE. i think firstly, it’s important to start with the fact that we have a song, young forever, that was released as the epilogue to two devastating HYYH albums. HYYH was the epitome of youth themed albums. it encapsulated everything we associate typically with youth. love songs, songs about pain, songs about healing, songs about not being enough, songs about our dreams, songs about being lonely... it’s all there. both the beauty of youth and the beautiful pain of youth dominate HYYH pt. 1 and HYYH pt. 2. then, those messages, those themes, were sealed with epilogue: young forever. why? well, my feeling is this is bangtan’s way of leaving us with the reality that youth isn’t something that’s fleeting. it’s not an age or state in time. it’s something we carry within. it’s how we approach the things we confront in our lives, how we live and move forward through adversity towards our passions and dreams. 

now - with that out of the way it’s time to dissect some lyrics. there’s quite a lot here in the three rap verses so i truly hope to do them justice. 

namjoon’s verse starts like a story, “the curtain falls” the end of a performance, often used as metaphor for the end of a certain point in one’s life. “the curtain falls and i’m out of breath / i get mixed feelings as i breathe out” clearly the chapter that’s closing for him has been an exhausting one, but he’s not sure about moving forward even though now he has the time to finally reflect and see what he wants next. to me, this speaks directly to where bangtan was at this point in their career. they’d been through the bullshit - the trainee days, the ridicule, the exclusion from the typical korean music system... they’d made it. I NEED U had one awards, RUN did as well, 2016 bangtan had begun to see the fruit of their labor pay off - but with that, what’s next. where do they climb next? what’s to come? there’s that feeling of unease for namjoon. “did I make any mistakes today? / how did the audience seem?” are the next lines, bringing in that sense of reflection. even though now he can breathe - he worries, what’s his impact, how do people feel about what he’s given them, did he have shortcomings? these thoughts flood in and set the mood for the next steps forward. these questions only become more as the pressure continues. the next and final three lines of namjoon’s verse group well together and offer us much more hope that the foreboding in the start of the verse: “i’m happy with who i’ve become / that i can make someone scream with joy / still excited from the performance.” the peace in these final lines, it’s kind of like the rest of the song - starting with the hardship, the unease, what must or has been overcome - mellowing out to realization that things will keep going on. namjoon is at peace with where is at the end of this chapter, he is glad he can stand on this stage bringing smiles to faces, and finally - the buzz of just being able to do music, that remains with him through all of the constant pressure. something about these lines, they’re beautiful.

just like that, yoongi’s verse begins. he provides the same metaphor to the listener. he is standing on an empty stage. the performance is over. the chapter is closing. HYYH is becoming the past for BTS. the struggles, will they be over too as they move forward with their progressing careers? “i stand on the empty stage while holding onto an aftertaste that will not linger for long” he begins - he knows that the high of this moment, the place they’ve reached in this time... it can’t be forever, the emotions of it all are beginning to fade into something else. he then moves on to offer some more insight into how he feels about that unknown of moving on: “while standing on this empty stage, i become afraid of this unpleasant emptiness.” this line seems telling to me - yoongi is someone that gets a lot from recognition, achievement, sharing his works with others. leaving the stage, moving away from this performance moment... it’s hard on him... he feels empty, his moment, his purpose - they’re over... at least for now. the anxiety seeps in. “within my suffocating feelings / on top of my life’s line” he starts to try and explain deeper his emotions, suffocation, a feeling of panic, likely anxiety or pressure induced. what’s next? will it demand more? he’s on top of his life’s line - he feels like he’s reaching his peak, not knowing where to go next, plateau? down? yoongi then lodges into almost a picture perfect description of what society can make us do in moments of pressure where we are feeling anxiety or panic - “without a reason, i forcibly act that i am fine / this isn’t the first time, i better get used to it” he’s going to put on a strong face, suppress how he really feels because at some point there could be another audience, he remains on the stage even if the curtains have closed. he forces himself to do so, and it’s a habitual thing for him. it sounds like truly this is habitual for yoongi - really needing to mask his fear, his panic, his anxiety for the sake of those watching. it tears me up, because it seems like he also knows that this will continue in his future. and the he realizes that keeping the mask on, it’s not something he’s able to do or perhaps interested in doing “i try to hide it, but i can’t.” the final lines of his verse leave us with some unease - they’re unclear - but perhaps they’re speaking to the fact that performing won’t be his forever... “when the heat of the show cools down / i leave the empty seats behind,” so at some point -- the excitement, the hype, it will be gone... those who want to see him, they’ll be gone too, and he’ll move on to what is next. or perhaps this could allude to the fact that the pressure of those watching goes away and he will finally feel comfortable? there’s a lot here. a lot left up and open.

and finally we round out rapline with hoseok’s verse - which leads us into the chorus and refrains. the first three lines of hoseok’s part go hand in hand with one another - they’re a natural progress of coping with one’s emotions and situation: “trying to comfort myself / i tell myself the world can’t be perfect / i start to let myself go.” the chapter is closing and hoseok is trying to tell himself, it’ll be okay. almost like listening to the song young forever - seeking comfort. a home. realizing that things aren’t always going to go his way, he can’t have this moment forever, and sometimes things are going to be ups and downs... the final line is perhaps the most startling, letting oneself go. realizing that there’s some pieces of yourself that are okay to let go, whatever is holding you back, keeping you stuck, sometimes we need to shed that to go forward with the youthful exploration that keeps life invigorating and exciting. or perhaps hoseok is thinking about the day in which he will let “j-hope” go and just be hoseok, without a stage in the traditional sense. “the thundering applause, i can’t own it forever” he moves on saying that this life won’t be his forever, at some point he will need to move on - realize that this moment is down, lose himself to it, and see what is next. yet - even with this knowledge hoseok continues “i tell myself, so shameless / raise your voice higher” it seems that there’s a conflict he’s facing - letting this moment go or screaming as loud as he can to hold onto it, and shamelessly so - letting go of all the constructed norms for how he should behave. perhaps, holding onto his YOUTH even as he grows older in age and should grow away from a youthful mentality. he is raising his voice and hopefully pushing forwards, perhaps just away from this stage and onto an even larger one. it seems this is the case “even if the attention isn’t forever, i’ll keep singing” he states. he will hold onto his passion, keep moving forwards with his music, his voice, his connection to whatever it is that wants to be connected to him - because this is his very soul and being. finally - hoseok closes out his verse “as today’s me, i want eternity / forever, i want to be young.” it seems that hoseok is choosing to be who he is at this moment, his youthful self, as long as he goes on. he will leave this version of himself, this beautiful, loving, hopeful version of himself as his mark on the earth for eternity. 

moving into the chorus we have the iconic title line “forever we are young” which to me, it’s about taking youth forward with you in all that you do. taking your passion, your drive, your love, your hope -- pouring it into all that you do and not letting the outside spoil you and take that from you. keeping your passions and running towards them. that’s the core of the message in young forever. 

jungkook then croons “under the flower petals raining down / i run, so lost in this maze” bringing us to think about how seasons change - flower petals can fall because of their abundance but also because they we are moving into winter. either way, the analogy of flowers is hopeful to me. blossoms on trees - the return in time. not the same blossoms, but just as beautiful as the previous ones. perhaps he’s speaking to the fact that the blossoms are falling now as the chapter is ending - which leads into the feeling of lost, of being in a maze... but the reality is, the flowers will come again. the can come again. so long as they keep running - there’s a chance for this beautiful moment to happen once again. that’s youth. perhaps you have your ups and downs, your moments in the sun (your spring days) and your cold days... but keep running, keep your energy, dream, hope, keep going. and you can return. 

jin then offers the other refrain “even when i fall and hurt myself / i endlessly run toward my dream.” THIS is youth. this is it. that almost stupid attitude of not recognizing when you’re down and out... not recognizing when perhaps you should stop. turning up the energy at your weakest point even when authority is telling you to let it go. this is the essence of youthful hope and energy. even if they’ve failed, even at their lowest point, they’re cementing that they won’t stop until they achieve their dreams. once again. dream. hope. keep going. just keep fucking going. 

finally the other refrain that is repeated throughout the chorus: dream. hope. forward. forward. is the direct translation. but, many would say it’s dream. hope. keep going. this is youth. our dreams, childish and pure. our hope, what we pour into ourselves, what we surround ourselves with - the light that keeps us going. and then constantly moving forward continuing even when our odds look bad. this shit resonates. bangtan did it. they dreamed, 7 boys at a small company. they hoped, holding onto one another, working hard, baby steps forward. they kept going. no matter the ridicule, the setbacks, they pushed forward. these words - they mean the world to me as i’ve pushed through shit in my life. i’m only where i am today because i, by some miracle, internalized this youthful mantra. allowing myself to dream, those moments of hope, pushing forward no matter what. that’s youth. that’s young forever. 

performance: well this is shaping up to be quite a long post. i want to discuss both the MV and how live performances typically proceed. i’ve also attached to this post my personal video of young forever at the HYYH: the epilogue tour in macau. sorry for my screaming in advance. 

MV: the MV is really interesting for the HYYH universe, although the same could be said for save me, which is technically in the universe... BUT the fact that the MV steps away from the storylines and almost takes us into the minds of the characters bangtan is playing is an interesting choice. we start off the video with the boys in a chain-linked fence maze, wandering around, and flashbacks for each of there characters. the overall aesthetic of the video fits with the lyrics and these feelings of uncertainty... the feeling of being lost... wandering from phase to phase in life. early on we see a scene of yoongi burning photos from the HYYH era - truly this song is about death to the past a new beginnings, overcoming the past but moving forward with the pieces of you that are important. the highlighting of the text “꿈 희망 전진 전진” or dream, hope, keep going - making it the mantra of the song. keep moving, keep running. almost it seems like the characters are running away from their demons as well. the members running off into the sunset together? it’s all about endings. new beginnings. but taking them on with determination and an attitude of childlike awe, glee, dreams, and determination. 

performance: we’ve all seen the iconic wembley performance. we’ve probably all cried over it more than once. maybe it’s your comfort video? maybe it’s secretly mine (ha!). i can tell you, experiencing this song live... there’s really nothing like it. it’s understated. there’s no dance. nothing like that. 

in the performances - namjoon appears alone in a starlight stage with the lyrics scrawling on a screen behind him. the lights are all dark, deep blue tones everywhere, it feels dreamy. the entire crowd is brought into a dream like state. it’s fitting, its absolutely fitting and incredibly stunning. yoongi then appears to namjoon’s left and hoseok to his right to be spotlighted for their respective verses. the emotion is everywhere. the song is even more incredible with a live band. you cannot imagine it. the chorus arrives with a change in vibe, a beautiful sunset is projected and the vocal line appears from the floor. all of the members stand shoulder to shoulder and belt the chorus and refrain. and you would not believe how devastatingly beautiful it is to hear ARMY shouting along. forever we are young. kkum, huimang, jeonjin, jeonjin. shouting together. again and again. clapping with one another. waving ARMY bombs. it’s completely emotional. i cried. i cried on the strangers next to me, that didn’t speak my language. there is nothing like it. 

i must also note, the concert i was at we were all distributed lightsticks and banners with 꿈 희망 전진 전진 written on them. this song has been important since it released. it’s the core of bangtan’s rise. it is so important to these boys. and to many of us fans as well.

now - a word about what happened at wembley. bangtan had no idea that ARMY would sing young forever TO them. at WEMBLEY. fans who likely do not speak korean. chanting their mantra to them “kkum, huimang, jeonjin, jeonjin” and singing “foreverrrrr we are younnnnng” and saying they will keep going. they will walk their journey towards their dreams. something about that, it’s incredibly toughing. you and i cannot imagine how that must have felt for bangtan. the moment must have been completely surreal. one of the world’s largest stages, playing one of the most meaningful songs of their careers - a song meant to memorialize their climb to fame, their accomplishments, their youth that they likely felt the LOST during this climb to where they are now. jimin himself said that night “this song. wow. this song helped me a lot when things were really hard.” young forever means so very much to bangtan. it always has. and their fans chose that very song. we chose that song (rather we were there or not). it’s our mantra too. whatever we go through, we are on this journey, and we are not alone. we are not alone. we can muster the strength to carry on with that same youthful zeal for life. watching that video... it’s moving. it’s completely incredible. to be a part of this journey... just wow. 

tl;dr: in conclusion... young forever is one of the BTS songs that has the most touching meanings, and it came at a very delicate time in their career. a time when they were finally getting the recognition they deserved and sought for a long time. a time when they were pivoting from “young” to “young adult.” a time when they likely struggled with a loss of their youth. all of this... it’s powerful because it’s not alien for those of us normal people. we all feel this. i’ve felt it as i’ve gone through tough shit and came out the other side changed, only to have to find my way through the maze and back to myself. youth and being young, it’s a state of mind. i think bangtan sincerely know and believe this. that’s what makes the song and the message it carries so incredibly powerful. so meaningful to us all. thanks for reading yet again. 

[emsartwork]

World of Winx Nemesis! Nemesises? Nemesi??

what.

Vertigo, Banshee, Obscura, Petra(Stoney) Metallica (sinka), and Virus

So the nemeses are created beings, drawing power from Bella Tinker and the Source of Dreams on Neverland. They aren’t “alive” technically, and are something more like moving dolls connected to the source, which in turn is tapping into each of the winx’s unconscious fears. While they appear solid, they’re kind of glitchy when it comes to the physical world, clipping through objects and walking “not quite right” as gravity affecting them is hit or miss.

Vertigo is... weird. She’s tapping into several fears of Bloom’s, but primarily Bloom’s fear that she’s a fake. They she’s not as good as people see her, that her accomplishments are virtue of the dragon flame and not HER, that one day she would wake up and everything about the winx her past and being a fairy would just be a very vivid dream. Vertigo wears at Bloom’s mental state with mirages and “glitches”, making her feel paranoid and panicked, She also impersonates Bloom a couple times, making Bloom think she’s had black outs/missing time. Bloom defeats her by accepting that she might not always know whats happening but she’s choosing to put her faith in herself and her own heart. 

Banshee taps into Musa’s tumultuous relationship with music and people. Musa views music as connection, she feels the most understood and authentic when speaking through song. Banshee layers whispers into Musa’s music, telling her everyone will leave her and she can never truly connect with others. In France Banshee uses her manipulation of sound to prevent Musa from properly hearing voices or music, further separating Musa from communication. Musa defeats her by meshing her own melodic style with the discordant noise Banshee creates, essentially accepting rejection and disagreement as parts of connection and using those to create and build from instead of cutting them out at the cost of the song.

Obscura pulls from Stella’s fear of rejection. Obscura uses shadow magic to prompt others to either only see the bad in Stella, or not see her at all. Stella is  eventually wrapped in the shadow of her own past rejections when she genuinely believed herself to be worthless. Obscura taunts Stella with a revolving flashbacks, pushing her farther and farther into shadow until she thinks Stella is completely with out light. Unfortunately for Obscura, Stella notices she is giving off a faint glow even trapped in complete darkness. Stella defeats Obscura by acknowledging the strength of her own light and realizing she doesn’t need others to see it to know its real (aka her worth and value aren’t dependent on other’s acceptance or rejection of it).

Petra is an odd one, Flora doesn’t have a lot of obvious fears besides loosing a loved one, but subconsciously she’s afraid of her own power. Flora is a healer, a supporter, and an observer by nature, but she knows she could be one of the most deadly/destructive magic users ever if she wanted to. Petra confronts Flora head on instead of laying a groundwork first like the other nemeses. Petra doesn’t give a shit about peter(who also happens to be there) but focuses all of her power on Flora, pushing her to her limits and forcing her to use more offensive attack magic and shaming her for defending herself. Flora eventually defeats Petra by accepting her dual nature of rose and thorn. Violence is part of nature, and even if Flora chooses to heal instead of 

Metallica is a triple threat, she taps into Aisha fear of being trapped, her insecurity about pushing people away to protect herself, and impulsivity. Metallica is another one that attacks directly (or at least she seems to). Her first attack she lets Aisha defeat her, giving her a false independence/confidence boost, while leaving a her gold rings as a lingering spell around Aisha that eventually activate, trap Aisha’s wrists and feet, and drag her to the bottom of the ocean. Aisha’s morphix lets her breath underwater but she starts to panic being trapped and powerless in the dark. She defeats Metallica by using a meditation technique Flora showed her to calm down, a light spell from Stella to see what was trapping her, a heat spell from Bloom to melt the rings, and then a frequency spell from musa combined with a metal spell she learned from tecna to turns them on Metallica in a calculated effort to ensure destruction this time.

Virus is pretty straightforward, Tecna is all about that control. She liked to know exactly whats happening and what to expect from any given person or situation. She is easily overwhelmed when things don’t go to plan, so Virus infecting all her tech, taking over her friends, and controlling Tecna’s environment is a recipe for panic and fear. Tecna defeats Virus by releasing her control and working purely off instinct instead of logic, she specifically channels her magic in the form of raw electricity, striking haphazardly instead of powering it through a circuit like she normally does creating an unpredictable attacks in bursts that Virus can’t avoid.

After each nemesis is defeated the girl’s Dreamix starts to change, but more on that in the Dreamix/Onyrix post.

Design notes! (for those who are interested? i guess?) These guys were pretty easy shape wise, the only one I majorly changed was Stoney, who has that weird bird(?) associated in canon lmao. The hardest part was actually picking colors, originally I was going to work off of the winx’s pallets, but every variation on that theme just turned out weird... eventually I ended up using the winx pallets, put that through a layer filter that made the colors more “dreamy” and off, then used the nemeses og colors as a base to lay the dreamy colors over them lightly. if that makes zero sense im sorry i literally had no idea what i was doing either.

“Dreamy” color versions below because they’re actually kinda pretty just not what I was going for

[jawritter]

You and Me...

Chapter 15

***SERIES WARNINGS**** Rape, non-con, male!rape, injury, violence, description of injury caused by rape, nightmares, self-harm, panic attacks, implied female non-con, language, ass hole Jensen, hurt!Jensen, dark fic, smut. If there is anything else I will add it as I go.

***Chapter Warnings*** Language probably somewhere in there, because it’s me y’all. Hints of anxiety, brief mentions of nightmares, and panic attacks. Like very brief, self-confidence issues. (If that’s a proper way to describe it...) Slight angst, a very little fluff, I think that’s about it. 

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 3278

A/N: This chapter is a combo of the original chapters 15 & 16, It might look at first glance like a filler chapter, but pay close attention to details in behaviors. **SPOILER** If you do it will save you some shock in upcoming chapters lol. As always all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work!! Feedback is gold! I hope you enjoy this one!

Summary: It’s funny how one choice you made can change your whole life. One mistake can alter your course, and set you on a path that forever will haunt you. Two people find themselves getting through one of the hardest trials of Jensen’s life, on just one small promise. You and Me. We’ll get through it together…

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***YOU AND ME MASTERLIST***

The sun broke pink just over the horizon of Jensen's property. You found yourself sitting on the back porch with a cup of coffee in your hands, listening to the early morning sounds of birds overhead.

Even though it was fall, it was still slightly warm from the rain that had passed yesterday. Jensen and yourself had fallen asleep on the floor pallet that he'd made somewhere in the middle of the first season of Game of Thrones. You both would have stayed there too, that is if the nightmares hadn’t started.

You moved the both of you to the bedroom, but you never really went sound to sleep after that. Jensen seemed to fall asleep again pretty soundly thankfully, and when you made your way out here he was still sleeping soundly.

You'd already been up, showered, picked up all the pillows and blankets, and gotten yourself ready for the day. You were planning on finishing your cup of coffee and waking up Jensen if he'd not woken up by then, and get started on breakfast.

It had rained so much yesterday that the roads headed into the studio were flooded. That being said, it looked like the two of you got another day off.

Standing and stretching, you see Jensen sitting at the bar on the phone. A cup of coffee in hand, and his hair a mess. He looked so cute when he was still sleepy in the morning, and you couldn’t help the content smile that spread over your face at the almost normal scene playing out before you, it was nice after everything that had happened to feel somewhat normal.

Opening the door you were starting to hear bits and pieces of the conversation he was having over whoever he was on the phone with.

"Yes Danneel I'm aware of that, but if I want to see someone I'm entitled to do so... No... No... I don't know if that's a good idea... Well, I'm still... Yes, I'm aware of that... But I...WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK PLEASE!... I'm still having some problems. I don't know if that's a smart thing to do right now... I do want to help... Okay fine...FINE!... I'll be there to get her in a few hours... If you just have to have her picked up now I can call Jared... Because I just got out of bed that's why... Whatever damn, you're being a bitch this morning... Yes, I did call you a bitch. Keep it up and your descriptions are going to get more colorful than that... Fuck you... I'll call Jared and have him pick her up. I'm not in the mood to see you right now." 

With that, he hung up the phone and rubbed his face with his hands, not even noticing you were standing there.

You walk up behind him and start rubbing his shoulders, not exactly sure what to do here, not wanting to overstep your place. His head rolled against you, and let out a deep sigh as you worked the knots out of his tense body.

"Everything okay?" you finally got up the nerve to ask. You normally tried to stay out of his business when it came to Danneel. You didn’t want him to feel like you were trying to step yourself in where you had no business being, and this was the first time you had ever blatantly asked about something that was going on between them.

"Yeah, it's fine. One of the twins has the stomach flu. Danneel doesn't want JJ to catch it so that she doesn't miss school. So she called and asked if she could spend the week with me. Which is fine, but she wants me to go get her from her house right now," he shrugged and turned around to wrap his arms around your middle, pulling you closer to him.

“She also has somehow found out about us, and she wasn’t exactly happy about it, even though it’s none of her damn business.” 

You kept your mouth shut because you understood a little bit of Danneel’s side there. Her children still had to see their dad, and that might mean you’re around them too… You would probably have had a similar response.

"I hope she doesn't see me having some of the problems that I'm having right now. It's not that I don't want to see her, I just don't want her to see me this fucked up," he said, his voice muffled because of his head pressed against your chest.

"It will be fine. She's not gonna notice. She's just gonna be happy to see her daddy," you tell him, running your fingers through his tousled morning hair. Honestly, it was becoming your favorite thing to do.

Just as you were about to pull away from him and fix breakfast so that he could get ready to have Jared pick up his daughter. The phone rang again.

"What Danneel?... Damn... Well, she was already exposed... Okay... No, it's fine... Tell her when she gets better I'll come pick her up, and we'll go to the zoo again and get Ice cream or something... No, I know... I'm sorry too, I'm just not myself still... Tell the kids I love them... Okay... Fine... Okay... Bye." 

He let out a deep breath and dropped his head down on the bar.

"What's up?" you asked, feeling like you were seriously intruding, but you were concerned about any sort of stress being on him right now.

"Looks like she's already caught it. She started getting sick when Danneel got off the phone with me a while ago. So she's just gonna keep her there." Jensen said, being torn between his family, and where he was now was still something he was learning how to do; on top of the stress that his attack had put on him. What made it worse was that you didn’t know how to help him through this part.

The physical you could handle, the nightmares, the panic attacks, you could handle, but when it came to his kids, that’s a whole different ball game.

"I'm gonna go grab a shower," he says, standing from the stool and placing a kiss on your forehead before making his way to the bathroom. You wished there was something to make him feel better. You didn't know what you could do though. Deciding to give him his space would probably be the best idea you turn and start on breakfast.

A few hours later Jensen was sitting with a guitar strung over his lap in the chair next to the window, and you were sitting with the laptop in yours, working through some transcripts that the publishing company had sent you. For the first time in a long time, everything felt... Well... Normal... It was easy... There was a comfortable silence that had fallen between the two of you. Only the sound of Jensen's guitar and your fingers sliding across the keys of your computer filled the room.

Out of nowhere a loud knocking at the front door made the both of you jump, pulling you both out of your comfortable state.

"I got it," Jensen said, sitting his guitar on the stand, and standing to his feet. You were halfway wondering if it was Danneel So you closed your computer and looked toward the front door, listening to try and see who it was.

You weren't left in the dark long though. Jared's voice came booming through the house. You rolled your eyes and picked your computer back up. 'Jensen must have called him over,' you think to yourself, not paying much attention as the two men walked into the room and sat down.

"Okay guys, listen, I got some really big news just now," Jared said excitedly, almost jumping up and down in his seat like a kid on Christmas morning.

You look across the room at him and see a dark-haired woman you knew as Jared's wife sitting next to him. She smiles and nods in your direction and you do the same. You hadn’t even heard her come in with Jared.  

"Okay,” Jensen said, almost a little afraid judging by his tone of voice. "Spill."

"Well, I got a phone call early this morning from Robert and Andrew. There is a network that has been running our reruns on cable TV for years, they’re not happy that the show is over. Apparently, the president of TNT Kevin Reilly is a fan, and wants to pick up Supernatural on their network for season 16!" Jared was practically floating above his seat he was so happy. Gen looked over at her husband and laughed at him a little nervously, but you could see she was just as excited as he was, obviously feeding off her husband's good mood.

You looked at Jensen, he didn’t look as excited. His brow was furrowed, and he was biting his bottom lip. Looking down at his hands in this lap, he was obviously thinking hard about what Jared just said.

"Come on Jay," Jared said, picking up on his best friend's mood. "I've already talked to Misha. He's onboard. Let's give the Winchester another run." Jared said, sitting on the edge of his seat. He knew this could never fly if Jensen refused to participate, there was no acceptable recast, and there was no way the fandom would watch if Dean wasn’t a part.

"You know I want to," Jensen said in a rushed breath. "I'm just worried that I can't do some of the things now that they may want me to do," Jensen said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, still not looking at anyone in the room.

"Robert and I already thought about that. If this goes through we will work around any handicap, setbacks, or problem you may have that comes up. It won't be an issue," Jared assured him, giving his best Sam Winchester puppy dog eyes.

Jensen licked his lips and nodded his head. "Okay, let's try. What do we need to do?" he asked, looking up at Jared finally. Just a little hint of excitement in his own eyes you hadn't seen in a long time.

Maybe he needed this more than he knew he did...

"Well, we fly to Georgia to meet Robert, Andrew, Misha, and Kevin in the morning if we decide to do this. I know it's short notice man, but this may be our only opportunity to bring our show back.” 

Jensen chewed a little more on his lips, thinking hard.

"Okay, but Y/N comes with me," he said, reaching over and taking your hand in his.

"That's cool. Gen's coming with me. We'll rent a ridiculously expensive hotel with a spa in the bottom of it or some shit and the girls can hang out there while we're in the meeting," Jared said, looking between you and Gen. “Y/N will only be a phone call away if you need her.”

"Sounds great to me," Gen said.

"Yeah, I think that I can do that," you tell Jared, giving Jensen's hand a squeeze, letting him know you were okay with his decision, and that you were there.

"If this goes as planned, if we get the contract for a 16th season. Our lives are gonna change again dramatically." Jared said, looking at everyone in the room.

"Tell me when they where ever settled?" Jensen said, you could see his mood starting to lighten at the prospect of getting back to work.

Getting up you retrieve a beer for everyone in the room. You were a little scared, and a lot nervous, but the look on Jensen's face as he talked about getting back to work again made it all worth it. Whatever sacrifices were in the future, if you were with him, that's all that mattered.

The smile on his face right now as he talked to Jared about getting everyone back together again was worth everything that could possibly come again.

-------------------------------------

Jensen's POV:

"Yes sir. Mr. Reilly, we are more than excited to work with you all as well," Jensen said, standing and shaking hands with the man sitting across a conference table form Jared, Misha, Robert, Andrew, and Himself.  

The meeting had been a success, everyone agreed to everyone’s terms and needs, they were going to go for the 16th season of supernatural.

Honestly, it was something Jensen thought he had buried, he’d grieved it even, thinking he’d left Dean behind forever, but like he had told the fans of the show when does anything in supernatural ever stay dead?

Jared was convinced that they could easily knock out two more seasons, but Jensen was worried like he was when they had decided it was time to end supernatural in its 15th season. He wanted SPN to end on a high note, and it had in season 15, not though he was worried it wouldn’t be accepted as well as it went out, or when the hype faded it would fade before they could bring it to as close again.

Either way here they were, paperwork signed, plans with agencies, and crews were already in place, writers were being hired.

It was going to happen.

They will start filming next summer, Jensen's idea. Give everyone time to readjust their lives back into Vancouver. Also, it gave the writers a little more time to get their storyline together. It wasn't going to be easy to bring the brothers back. To be honest they were probably going to spend close to a year in Vancouver just preparing to kick off filming and getting the storyline straight.

As they exited the building Jared and Misha were arm and arm, skipping like a bunch of idiots. Robert and Andrew were walking ahead of him, talking excitedly on their phones. Every person that was involved in this show’s lives just changed dramatically.

They seemed excited about it. In a way, so was Jensen, but still, there was that uncertainty...

Supernatural was their life for years, over a decade and a half.

What if this didn't go well?

What if season 16 was a flop?

What if he couldn't do what they asked him to do?

What if he couldn't perform like he used to?

All these uncertainties rolled around in his head as his friends celebrated the whole way back to the hotel, but honestly, Jensen just felt tired.

"Jensen, you and Y/N gonna come to help us celebrate tonight?" Misha asked him. Jensen just rubbed his face tiredly.

"Actually guys, I think I'm gonna sit this one out. I'm pretty tired today," he said, Jared looked at him concerned from the front seat. Everyone else just gave him a look of pity. Man he hated when people looked at him that way now.

"Jay, are you sure you're okay, man?" he asked, trying to read his almost unreadable best friend.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired. I'll be fine once I get some sleep. Y/N and I are probably gonna fly home first thing tomorrow morning," he said, trying to change the subject to anything but where his head was right now.

"Yeah, Gen and I will too. Got a lot to prepare for!" Jared said, turning back around, giving up on trying to figure out what was wrong with Jensen and thinking to himself that he would just ask Y/N later how Jensen was really doing. He usually lets more show around her than he did anyone else and Jared knew that. If something was wrong Y/N hopefully would be able to get it out of him.

Jensen was tired, he wasn't lying, but more than anything he wanted to get back to the hotel room with Y/N. He wanted to get wrapped up with her again, and go into a stress induced coma for the next foreseeable future. The rest he could work out once he made it back home.

One step at a time.

That's just how he had to live his life right now.

Your POV:

Yourself and Gen had spent the day together while the boys were meeting with the network. You had let her talk you into going with her to get your nails done, and now the two of you were sitting in the small coffee shop across from the hotel when your phone rang, and Jensen told you both the good news.

Once you ended the call with Jensen you hurried to get back to the hotel room, waiting on Jensen to get back too.

He didn't seem himself on the phone.

He seemed distant, his voice seemed strained and tired.

Today was just not a good day for him mentally, and you knew it from the moment you both woke up this morning.

He needed to rest.

Even though his physical injuries had basically healed a while ago, his metal wounds hadn't even started to scab over yet. They were still sore and fresh. Too much in one day could cause another episode of panic attacks. He'd been making good progress, and you didn't want him to start to slip.

When Jensen came through the door he gave you a half-hearted smile, slipping his blazer off and throwing it in the chair next to you before kicking his shoes off, and flopping down on the bed next to you. You lay down next to him, start tracing little circles on his back. "You okay handsome?" you ask, he looked at you with a tired expression.

"Yeah, guess I'm not as mentally well as I thought I was. I'm exhausted for some reason," he tells you, scooting over closer to you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Stress babe. You can't let it get to you. You know that," you tell him, playing with the buttons on his shirt. He laughs a little at that.

"I'll be fine once we get started. It’s just… I worked so hard on this, gave up a good bit of my life into this show, I'm afraid it won't go very well. If it’s brought back."

You nuzzle your way up to him, giving him as much warmth as you could.

"I know, but don't worry about it. It will all pan out, just enjoy the fact that you guys get to bring it back. Don't worry about things you can't control." A comfortable silence fell between the two of you again. You thought for a moment that he'd fallen asleep until he spoke.

"They're all going to one of the local bars to celebrate, but I didn't really want to go," he says, shifting his weight a little.

"Well, then we don't have to go. There will be plenty of other celebrations and parties I'm sure as you guys start the season's filming."

Secretly you thought he should have gone out with his friends, but you didn’t say anything, you didn’t want to push him.

More silence fell over the room , and Jensen got up off the bed. "Come on, I can't keep doing this. I can't keep hiding where I think I'm safe. The only way I'm going to get past this feeling is to just break off and do it right? Well let's go grab a bite to eat, just you and me, then we'll go down to the bar with everyone else," he says, pulling you into a sitting position.

"You sure that's what you wanna do?" you asked him, eyeing him closely.

He'd never brought you to a restaurant before. You figured because he just didn't want to talk to anyone else right now, but now you could see it.

Anxiety.

He was afraid to be out in public. He was scared.

You didn't even recognize it until right now, and you were already kicking yourself for being so damn blind to it.

"Yeah, I'm sure," he says, pulling you to him, kissing you softly.

You made a mental note to start paying more attention to the little things, and stop passing it off as just Jensen being Jensen, because you were starting to worry just how bad his anxiety was, and if he was trying to cover it up and keep it from you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag List: @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @thecreatiivecorner​  @aflamboyanceofgays @deanwanddamons​​ @imabitch4jensen​​ @rvgrsbrns​​ @bi-danvers0​​ @onethirstyunicorn​​ @i-love-superhero​​ @akshi8278​ @alanegaming @magssteenkamp​ @lemondropirwin​ @squirrelnotsam​ @hobby27​ @spnbaby-67​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @defenderrosetyler​ 

Series Tag List: 

@idksupernatural​ 

@fuzzycloudsz 

@supernatural-bellawinchester​ 

@vicmc624​

@imaginationisgrowth​

@smoothdogsgirl​

@stoneyggirl​

@whiskeydreamingx​

@doctorlilo​

@deans-baby-momma​

@ricanqueen20​

@supraveng​

@allonsy-yesiwill​

[toongal1998]

This drawing took forever to complete, but I am pretty satisfied with how it turned out. The first version is one without shading and second is it the one with shading added. (The quality is better if you click on it.) I came up with the idea after rewatching the old Justice Ducks’s episode, as well as being imspired by DT17’s “Let’s get Dangerous!” special and listening to the classic Og teen Titans theme on repeat also sparked a lot of imagination. The only outfits I didn’t come up with are Lena’s, Boyd’s and Louie’s which already exist the show. I thought about each kids’s strengths and personalities when designing the other costumes as well what kind of powers/roles they would play and what kinda relationship they would have with their super mentors for this au.

• First up we have everyone’s favorite sassy magical teen, Lena. Her magical girl type outfit is what used for her hero costume. I tried my best to get the colors right so I hope it looks good. Lena’s role on the team is The Magical Brawler, with her using magical energy blasts, as well as allusions and brute force to defeat her opponents. She also doesn’t have a hero name like the others and just goes by Lena. (This is mostly because her magic protects her secret identity or something.) She and Quiverwing are the snarkiest towards the villains, especially if their evil plans are really stupid.

• She acts as a cool older sister figure to other kids on the team and is one of the most proactive on the team, with her answer to fighting a villain usually being “let’s beat them up” which can sometimes land her into trouble if she’s not careful. She’s very protective of Webby and Her younger (adopted) sister, Violet. So word to the wise evil doers, do not under any circumstances attack/harm either girl or you will be in a world of agonizing magical pain.

• Being oldest on the team as well as one of the most pessimistic/emotionally guarded at times, she tends to be a little more jaded to the whole hero worship thing the other kids have going towards The Justice Ducks. Her mentor/teacher is technically Morgana Macawber. In the beginning she was very distrustful towards the older magic user due to the woman’s past actions as a villain, as well as Lena’s own hang up’s with Magica. However, She eventually warms up to the sorceress after she sees how while having questionable morals at times, is still a good person who genuinely cares about her and Vi as not only her students/sidekicks, but her surrogate kids as well. (Morgana definitely joins the ‘these aren’t technically my kids, but I’m adopting them. You can’t stop me club.’)

• After that, their relationship starts to get better, but Lena still has her more rebellious impulses which causes her to be a bit more difficult when interacting with her mentor. She will argue with her about things like “Seriously! Why should it matter if my magic is still ‘developing’?! I can totally handle my Own magic, thank you very much! Now let’s stop gabbing and take down this creep before he overruns the whole city!” (Stuff like that.)

• Let’s move on to Webby or as she’s better known in the crime fighting world, Gummi Gal! So, it was a little difficult to figure out what kinda hero she would be, but after i decided to go with combining her spy training with her gummi juice powers, from “From the confidential files from agent 22” everything else just clicked. (Please note that I’m vaguely familiar with original gummi bears, I’m going off of ducktales 17 interpretation of it so if I get anything wrong, that’s why.)

• First let’s talk about the costume. I wanted to give her something that showed her personality as both a trained combat and espionage expert, as well as a excitable sweet munchkin who loves glitter and friendship bracelets. I based the colors off her regular pallet and added the cherry red parts to allude back to the gummi berry juice. The costume is made from super rubbery stretchy protective material either invented by S.H.U.S.H, prier or Team science to keep our super adorable rubber ball of death safe from villains when her gummi powers wear off, while also giving her a boost in battle while trying to beat up said baddies. Her red bow is the same material as the outfit, I gave her a pink mask, cause that’s her favorite color (also I wanted her to have a different mask color from Gosalyn and Huey.) and her utility belt is filled with other gadgets as well extra vials of juice in cases of emergencies. Not to mentioned she finally got her own Action Cane and still has her trusty grappling hook if things get too crazy.

• Webby’s role in the team is definitely combative close ranged fighter and The Heart of The Team. She’s already a beast in hand to hand combat, but when she drinks her gummi berry juice, she becomes a unstoppable springy force of power and agility, that can really give the villains a headache. She’s the most encouraging and affectionate on team always giving her fellow teammates hugs or high fives whenever she can. Her biggest weakness has to be her willingness to trust people at their word, being a little naive to harsh truths of the world cause she wants to see the good in others. She’s a badass, but an idealistic at her core and just wants to make the world a more happier place.

• Webby’s hero mentor is the Moon’s greatest warrior, Penumbra. Penny is at first confused by Small Della’s odd abilities, but adapts pretty quickly. They train a lot together and Penny teaches the young earther tricks she picked up from living on the moon where the gravity is very different from earth. This helps Webby get better at controlling where she wants to bounce when using her powers. Penny is pretty protective of all of the small Dellas and will be pretty aggressive towards those who try to harm them.

• Huey was easy I just made him updated version of his Gizmoduck costume with more of an emphasis of protection and practicality. I decided to give him a mask underneath his visor, because I believe he would definitely wear it as an extra precaution so villains don’t figure out his secret identity. (Even though it’s pretty obvious who these kids are, if you’re any paying attention.) I added a magnetic electro pulse glove blaster (sorry if the science doesn’t make much sense.) as well as magnetic boots, so he can better stay on Boyd’s back in battle and flight. (I was mostly inspired by Hiro from big hero 6 for that.)

• He uses the blaster to send magnetic frequency waves at his enemies. He can also grab things from a distance as a nod to his safety first mindset. His role on the team is occasionally the leader (there’s a bit of conflict with that issue.) and most importantly the thing he prides himself on, The Strategist. He’s great at analyzing situations and coming up with strategies, but can still over think things to his detriment. He clashes the most with Louie on the team as he feels his brother isn’t taking his role very seriously and Gosalyn as she not the best team player. He still looks up to Gizmoduck as his mentor, which drives him to prove himself as a competent leader and crime fighter in his hero’s eyes. Finally his hero name I think would either be Pulse or Gizmokid. Mostly I’m leaning on Pulse, cause I think it distinguishes him from Giz and let’s him make a name for himself as a hero in his own right, not just stuck in someone else’s shadow. (Though the bad guys will probably just call him, Gizmobrat to spite him.)

• (With Boyd I had trouble with getting his coloring just right so if it looks off, that’s why.) Boyd is the technically the youngest on the team in both appearance and mentality. He’s a sweet precious totally real boy that everyone instantly loves...well almost everyone. Louie, is at first a little heistent to be around him, but knows what happened at Doofus’s party wasn’t his fault so doesn’t hold it against him. He’s one of the easiest to trick out of the whole team which makes prime target for scheming villains to mess with. However, don’t underestimate this little powerhouse or you’ll regret it. He’s closest with Huey, with him being the first real friend the little tyke has ever known. (Dr. Gearloose is more of a parental figure then anything.) They can often be seen coming up with plans or just having fun learning stuff together. His hero mentor is Gizmoduck as well, but he also quickly warms up to Gandra. (who may or not be a anti hero in this au.)

• Gosalyn’s/Quiverwing’s costume was little harder to figure out. I kept going back and forth from a modern vs classic look, until I finally settled on a compromise that felt right. I do wish I made the cape more like Darkwing’s and drew a more modern looking bow, but other then that I think it came out pretty good. Her logo I’m especially proud of. Her role on the team is definitely the sharp shooter archer and weapons expert. I like to think she’s kinda like what if Batgirl was a archer. She likes to come up new weapons and gadgets to use on the bad guys. She’s the second oldest after Lena, making her also an older sister figure to the younger kids. Her mentor is Darkwing Duck, she loves being his crime fighting partner, but wishes she get more chances to really show her stuff and not be babied all the time by her guardian. This causes her to be one of the first kids to disobey the adult heroes when they say to stay out of something. Like that will stop her.

• Dewey was the hardest when designing what kinda hero he would be. At first, I thought of giving him a magical legendary sword that could change forms depending on what was needed, sorta as a way to mirror Dewey’s creativity and ever changing interests. However, I also felt he shouldn’t need to be ‘chosen’ by something to be a hero, so now the sword is actually something that he had to have create himself, but it also happens to be a magical shape-shifting weapon?.... (honestly if anyone has any better ideas, please help me, I totally except suggestions.)

• I gave him a costume similar to his God of Dance/Champ Popular personas with a blue Darkwing inspired cape. (Admit it, Dewey you actually love the show!) I added some protective chest armor, also gave him a angel wings and stars motif. His hero name if haven’t already guessed is Daring Dew. His role on the team is kinda the wild card/funny guy as well as a lancer to the more focused sometimes leader, Pulse. If I had to give an example of his role then probably something similar to beast boy from Og teen Titans or The flash from the justice league. He’s usually the first one to try and lighten the mood when something goes wrong, but he has his moments of Insecurites that causes him to doubt himself.

• He’s unique case as he doesn’t really have a official heroic mentor and just kinds bounces around from person to person depending on the day. Not that anyone dislikes the kid, but because he just finds them all so cool that he can’t pick one. (Basically, you know how your favorite avenger changes every week, it’s kinda like that.) He gets along best with Darkwing though and is kinda like his unofficial second sidekick. However, he does love spending time training with The Duck Avenger. He does seem familiar though, he just doesn’t know how. Hymmm. I wonder why.......

• Violet was also a tough one. Do I go with tech based weaponry, superpowers, space themed or magic? Nonetheless, I decided to combine her junior woodchuck survival skills and her magical quick study abilities to make her sorta of Magical Green lantern with an alchemist twist. I wanted to give her own way to do magic without having to use Lena’s powers or Magica’s emulet as a crutch. Her book on her belt is an ancient spell book filled with mystical runes and incantations that she uses to create magical contructs like weapons to battle her opponents. I gave her a teal green cloak, (mostly cause I was inspired by OG raven Teen Titans) a teal mask to hide her identity, light teal gloves and a rune turquoise stone that help channel her own magical abilities when she using her spell book.

• For her hero name I kinda like Light Saber (Disney technically owns Star Wars, so they could use the name.) or Guidelight (kinda like play on her junior woodchuck guide book.)

• Violet is the supernatural expert and living encyclopedia of the team. Something tells me she would do extensive research on all the justice Ducks’s known villains and would keep record of all of the info she gathered on the subjects. I have a headcanon that after “Let’s Get Dangerous” happened in this universe she would watch hours upon of the old darkwing Duck show while taking notes to better understand the full extent of the fearsome four’s backgrounds and abilities. Morgana, like Lena is also her hero mentor. They get along pretty well. She loves learning new spells from older sorceress who is more then happy to help the other with her knowledge on the subject.

• finally last, but never least, Louie! First off I drew him in his simple green hoodie with a dress shirt and tie. (Kid is pretty lazy when it comes to heroic theatrics.) His role on the team is The schemer and self proclaimed, Young Justice Ducks manager. Louie doesn’t really go by any alias and doesn’t wear a mask, cause in his mind there’s not much of point since no one really take them seriously anyways. They’re the kiddie sidekicks club in a lot of people’s eyes, so they don’t get much media attention compared to their mentors.

• If he’s not ‘training’ with his mentor, Storkules, or just hanging out with his teammates, then he’s scamming villains out of their stolen loot or finding new ways to try and get the Young Justice Ducks name out there. He probably takes the whole being a hero thing the least seriously out of everyone on the team, mostly because the adults are always their to save the day and take all the fire, so why not focus on building a solid following and use their obscurity to their advantage against the villains. ( To be honest I really couldn’t figure out what kinda hero he would be. I think maybe later on he could regain his godly gold touch powers, though much more limited this time with them being on a timer of or something. If anyone has any better ideas for him, please send them my way)

Anyways, thanks for reading. Again, if you have any suggestions, questions or ideas please feel free to share them. See ya!

[infinite-rabbits]

two unrelated questions; is it vslid/normal to not really know how to make your (human or human-y) self-insert into a mobian/furry/s a n i c + do you ever just make or draw an oc and think "oh FUCK they babie,,,,.,"

With the first question:

If you’re not used to translating a character from one media to another then it can be a little bit on the tough side, and speaking from personal experience it’s REALLY hard to settle on a sona. So yeah, that’s totally valid. My character Clover started out as my fursona, actually. But then I translated her into the Sonic world and she became a character all her own. So now I had to make a NEW sona because she’s got my manorisms but isn’t really ME anymore.

- Trying to pick an animal for your human self-insert can honestly be one of the hardest parts of the translation. Think about what animal represents them/you the best. What traits does your character have? What traits do animals have that will best show that off?

Are they loud, love music, and tend to make random noises? A bird might be best.

Are they aloof, want love, but are stubborn about letting someone near them? Maybe a cat would work out.

Or you can base it off of whatever animals you like. You want a horse? Go for it! Like lizards, go for a lizard!

I have a habit of trying to use animals that haven’t been used much before. For example with Mortimer: I picked a rattlesnake because the only snake we’ve seen as a full-character in the sonic canon is a Cobra. So everyone else uses Cobras lol

If you want to make a character that’s more on the ‘rare’ side, keep in mind that the most commonly used animals for the Sonic world are wolves, foxes, and hedgehogs. If you still want to make one of those animals, absolutely go for it! Just keep in mind that they’re also super common.

If you’re just wanting to make a Furry character/sona, the most common fursonas are wolves, foxes, and huskies.

- The next hardest part is picking a color pallet for them. It’s best to pick one particular color that you want to base their pallet off of, and then google pallets with that color in it.

For example: Prince Clement’s color pallet was based entirely on the fact that I wanted his main feather color to be royal blue. Mortimer’s color pallet was based on the idea of death/decay/rot. Hence why he looks that sick-green color with splashes of pastel purple on his belly. But his clothes are that dark brown color for the most part. His lab coat his an off-white so that I can show off random bloodstains on him at any given point in time.

Try not to go too crazy with the colors. Any more than 12 in the character’s design can be really hard to replicate. I try my best to keep it at 10 or less, but sometimes they just need those couple of extra colors to make them look right.

Also, just try to make sure any marks on their fur are easy for you to replicate in general. Especially if you’re going to be drawing them over and over again or are going to be paying someone else to draw them for you.

Don’t be afraid to go a little ham with it, but at the same time make sure that your colors aren’t too eye-bleedy. It can sometimes make the images tough to look at for long periods of time, which can make it tough for someone else drawing your character. Bright colors like that should be kept to a minimum unless they’re specifically meant to be bringing attention to something about the character.

Just as another example, my friend @cometchasms has this great cat character named Sky who does have some eye-bleedy colors on her. But that’s the entire point. It’s paint on her fur that’s supposed to be really loud and vivid, and show off her personality. So in that case, it’s totally fine and works really well with the character design.

-  It’s okay to re-work the design a few times. If you’ve been working on this character and something doesn’t feel right about them, it’s totally okay to change those things. Whether it be in the character’s design, or something about their personality, everything is up to you to decide what’s right or wrong.

The entire point of these characters is specifically to make you happy. Don’t really worry about what anyone else thinks. I know that’s stopped me up a couple of times. But keep this in mind: You aren’t creating them for anyone but yourself.

Draw them/write stories about them because they make you happy.

Wow this got really long and I’m sorry. XD I always get the urge to want to help, so when you mentioned having trouble with it I was just like: I CAN HELP WITH THAT! :D

With the second question:

Oh yes, absolutely.

I do that all the time! Specifically with Mint and Percy.

Even though Percy is the most horrible shitbag of a character, I drew him, took one look at this face:

And went: Oh no, I love him.

So yeah, that happens to me all the time. Heck, Mint was part of an entire storyline that I completely scrapped. He was the only thing I kept because I took one look at him and went: Oh no, he’s a babe!

SO I worked him into the newer storyline and he’s not going anywhere.

So yeah. Yeah that happens a lot.

[abitscripturient]

Sequence 1-1 : Raina

Sequence 1-1: Talks Of Freedom Between Meals

Spring 1786

Footsteps rushed through the forest, the sounds of breath coming in and out of huffs as trees flew past. A look behind revealed that the men chasing on horseback were coming nearer and nearer. Fear clutched the heart but still, the need for freedom took prevalence. There was only one chance, only one to make this escape and make it to the railroad. Closer…just a bit closer…there! A lantern lit in a window. Head for it! The running footsteps make it into the yard, and finally to the door that was opening, revealing a warm cozy glow and outstretched hands of assistance.

This…this was what the first steps of freedom felt like.

Eyelids framed by dainty eyelashes move upward, revealing dark brown orbs that focus on the ceiling of a cabin. They then move to the right, where a dimly lit fireplace was. There is no cozy glow here, no outstretched hands. 

“No,” Raina whispers, her arm coming up and over her eyes. “It was just a dream.” 

Her body raises up on the straw pallet she usually slept on and tears welled hot in her eyes. For the past couple of days, she had been having this same dream: to have freedom so close she could practically taste it only to wake up still in bondage. She moves some of her thick wavy dark hair behind her shoulder and sighs, trying to get over the remnants of her dream. A look to her left shows her older roommate and caretaker Edie still snoring softly. She gets up hearing the rooster starting to crow outside, which meant she only had about fifteen minutes or so to get appropriately dressed and ready to head to the big house in order to cook breakfast for the master and the mistress. She smiles warmly at the woman behind her, wanting more than anything to let her sleep but the consequences for being late spur her to wake her up.

“Edie, rise and shine. Time to get up, sugar.” Her voice is quiet with well-meaning and it seems to do the trick as the woman starts stirring and rising to a sitting position as well. 

“I was only resting my eyes, Rainy.” 

“I understand. I like to rest my eyes for eight hours too.” Raina replies, getting a soft belly laugh in response. 

 <<< >>>

 The young woman manages to get herself ready quickly enough to hurry to the house. She rushed under huge willow trees, noticing lights turning on in other quarters signaling that other slaves were getting ready to start their workdays along with hers. The weather was warm but the humidity was heavy like a rough blanket, making Raina incredibly happy that she was blessed to work inside of the home. Raina had been born a slave on Ridgedale; the plantation that belonged to Thomas Carmichael alongside his young wife, Ella.

The master was pretty civil to her all of her life, giving the okay for her to work in the kitchen next to Edie ever since she was orphaned and despite knowing that she was his property, she made sure to give him her respect around him. However, Mistress Ella was another thing entirely. She never missed a chance to cut evil glares towards Raina's direction or to harp on her for no reason at all and she never understood why but not to be a problem towards the two she kept her distance as often as possible. 

Out of breath, Raina enters through the back door and grabs her apron seeing yet another house cook, Annabelle next to the huge stove stirring suppawn, a thick porridge of cornmeal and milk cooked together. The milk was taken from the cow early in the morning. While tying her apron straps, he gives her an amicable smile before starting to look around for what was next to make. She settles for getting the fruit together to accompany the main meal as well as some extra milk to wash it down. After waiting patiently for Annabelle to finish and to set the two steaming bowls of suppawn down, Raina took no time to pick up the tray to walk into the large dining room where she knew her owner and his wife sit expectantly. 

“Hurry up, girl! Do we have to wait all morning for us to eat?” Ella harps as her golden curls bounce with each shake of her head. Thomas watches Raina’s every move silently seemingly unaware of his wife’s sullied mood

“No, Miss Ella. I’m sorry.” Raina answers, setting down the tray and giving each recipient their porcelain bowls. After making sure that food was served, Raina went back around to grab the pitcher of milk. She pours some into Miss Ella’s cup first, trying her best to ignore the way the woman sneers at her. When that is finished she starts to walk toward her master only to feel a foot trip her. She tries to catch herself but watches in dismay as a good amount of the white liquid flies out and lands on the polished wooden floor. 

“Land sakes! You are so clumsy, Raina! Now, can’t you do anything right?” Ella spits out with disdain and Raina fights the urge to turn and give this rotten woman a piece of her mind. She instead turns and meets her owner’s eyes before coming over and pouring what’s left of the milk into his glass. 

“I apologize, Master Thomas. I’m not sure what I tripped over.” She tries to explain with her head down. 

Thomas stares at her with emotionless eyes before glancing over at his wife who is staring at Raina smugly. He knew what she was up to as did Raina herself. He finally gives a soft chuckle and Raina dares to look at him. He gestures with his head toward the spilled milk puddle. 

“It’s fine, Raina. Clean that mess up and finish in the kitchen.” 

“Yes, Master.” 

Raina bows her head slightly before rushing toward the kitchen only to stop short to grab a rag from Russell, the butler who had seen the whole thing. As she passes behind the chair of the owner and kneels the clean the spill she knows it’s not long before she hears the screeching of the bested wife. She doesn’t have to wait. 

“That’s it? You’re not going to punish her?”  Ella asks, her eyes glaring down at Raina who keeps cleaning. Her eyes watch her husband who starts to eat a few bites before looking.

“For what exactly? For you tripping her and spilling fresh milk that was milked by my hard-working slaves this morning? You must think I have eyes in the back of my head for not noticing.”

A small gasp came from the mistress before a shadow of annoyance flashed over her features.

“I swear, Thomas I don’t know what you see in this mulatto wench. You are always defending her!” Ella points at Raina who glances back at her before starting to clean faster. She hears Ralph sigh obviously not wanting to get into a discussion while eating breakfast.

“Now, Ella…”

“No! I see the way you watch her while she works. You want to bed her so bad.”

Raina stiffens, momentarily abashed hearing those words. She glances up at her master who looked back at her for a slight second with red cheeks and it’s all she needs to know the truth. She had wondered why she would see him standing in the doorway of the kitchen from time to time watching her. She naively contributed it to him making sure things were going smoothly. But he would linger his sight on her for the longest and she remembers the few chills she would feel from it. 

“Ella Carmichael, you watch your tongue this instant. I will not have you talking this way to me.”

“Get rid of her! Get rid of Raina, Thomas!” 

Raina notices Russell kneeling down to help her clean the mess only for both of them to jump hearing the master yell into the dining hall. “Everybody get the hell out of here, now!” Feeling Russell pull her arm to help her up, she quickly follows the butler to the back, hearing muffled yells and shouts from the owner and his wife as Edie closes the door behind them. 

“What is going on?!” She whispers harshly, looking from Russell to Raina who has color flooding her light cheeks.  Russell, always so sympathetic, takes the milk dampened rag from her before putting his hands on her shoulders to look down at her. She looks up at him in return biting her lip. 

“I blew it, didn’t I?”

“No, child. That was all the mistress and we both know it. Now you best go make yourself scarce for a while until things cool off. I’ll fill Edith in and I’m sure Beau needs help in the garden.”

Raina nods, reaching back to remove her apron and to hang it on the hook by the door. “Thank you, Russell. I’ll go now and be back for supper time.” She gave a look to a confused Edie to reassure her before departing, the yells still prominent even as she left. 

<<<<   >>>>

It was no secret the relationship between the master and the mistress was ever-changing as stormy waves. Being a much younger age than her husband, Ella was spoiled and had been that way since her birth. She was the second wife Ralph chose, the first dying from an illness. She had always had a grudge against Raina from the beginning and now Raina knew why. The word mulatto went all over her mind as she wrinkled her nose. 

It wasn’t her fault that she was who she was. Her mother was honey-skinned but she had told Raina that her father was not so. That he came from a place called Greece. Soon after she told her that information, she was suddenly sold and Raina never saw her again.  That was when she was fourteen and never had she felt so alone after that. Graciously, Edie was there to take care of her, saying it was her mother’s wish that she did so and the two were attached at the hip after that. Despite that, Raina still bore the ire of Mistress Ella despite trying her hardest to make her happy. 

The trail that led to the garden was made from slaves constantly walking up and down along them and as the dust collects on Raina’s shoes from it she opens the gate seeing her childhood friend, Beau leaning over some lettuce. Despite his cozy appearance wearing a long shirt and pants, Beau is tough lean and sinewy. Hearing Raina behind him, Beau glances over his shoulder before snickering. “It’s only 7 am and you’re already outside, Rainy. Must mean you made Miss Ella mad something awful.” 

“Oh, hush up. It wasn’t my fault this time or any other time before!” Raina snapped grabbing a basket by the fence to help him harvest, hearing him laugh as he starts putting a head or two inside of it. 

A crackling sound of a whip makes the two turn their heads to see a man being whipped for not gathering cotton fast enough. Raina trembles watching but Beau shakes his head growling, “I’m done with all this, Raina. I’m so tired of seeing our people being treated like we’re nothing but dirt for no reason at all than to make white people happy.” 

Raina rushed to cover Beau’s mouth looking around to see if any overseers were watching. “You watch what you say, Beau before you’re next!” She whispers to him, only for him to wrench his head from her hand. 

“I’m not scared of them. They are cowards, hiding behind whips and guns.” 

Raina shakes her head, not wanting to think of her friend getting hurt. “Please…” She watches as Beau’s eyes start to soften again and he sighs. “Look…I know you want freedom as much as I do. If you are as serious as I am, meet me tonight at Albert’s quarters after you are done with your work.” She hesitates, torn by conflicting emotions but then nods.

Raina returns to the house a little later grateful to the Lord that Ella didn’t find her to harp on her. The rest of the day seemed to be quieter as Raina cooks her way past the hours until supper time around 2 pm. This time around the dining room table had three more people joining and so even more work was needed to be done. Smells of roasted meat fill the kitchen as sounds of utensils are heard chopping and stirring.

“Careful, little Rainy…Master Brody is here tonight.” Edie warns Raina as she starts giving platters to the servants. Raina nearly drops the plate she’s holding, her heart thundering at just the mention of that name. Cole Brody is a young man who trades with Ralph Carmichael after taking over his father’s successful sugar plantation. Whenever he came down to Ridgedale, Cole made sure that he had Raina’s undivided attention, no matter what the cost to her. She had been cuffed so many times by overseers after being cornered by Cole for not attending to her duties and she despises him for it. 

After handing off another platter, Raina takes a moment to peek out as the servant leaves the cooking area. Cole was indeed there laughing with Master Ralph and Mistress Ella. He had slicked-back blond hair and brilliant green eyes. Just the way he sat there told you he had made it in life. Raina always thought any woman would be lucky to have him…if he wasn’t such a dirty bastard. She gasps as he suddenly turns his head, his lecherous eyes making contact with hers and she ducks her head down saying to Edie, “Keep me busy! I don’t want to have to go out there if I don’t need to.” 

Edith doesn’t let her down, making her prepare dessert, wash every dish, and clean down everything in the kitchen. It was an hour later when the servants start bringing back the last plates, to which Raina immediately cleans. Edith then tells her to gather the container for scraps so she can feed the pigs. Raina steps outside and pauses for a moment to take in some fresh air, glad that everything was going according to plan and that she didn’t have to worry about the visitor in the house for the time being. Her eyes take in some of the slaves of Ridgedale starting to do their weigh-ins for their cotton while others make their ways to the quarters for the night. She doesn’t forget Beau’s words of the meeting and while sleep pulls at her, the thought of freedom is more prevalent. Resolved to make the meeting, Raina makes it to the pigsty, grabbing the steel container and heading back.

Raina,” A voice that sends chills down the spine calls out. Cole. Raina grimaces hearing Cole but pretends not to at first, heading back towards the kitchen. 

“I know you hear me calling you, girl! Get over here now.” Cole ordered, pointing down to the ground in front of him with a no-nonsense look on his face. Not wanting him to discipline her or have the overseers come over, Raina obeys him, turning around. She gathers the sides of her dress and walks up to him her face neutral of any kind of expression to greet him. “Good evening, Master Brody. How can I-” 

Raina’s right arm is gripped and she’s brought over against the stone wall of the big house. Cole’s hands rush up to Raina’s hair releasing it from her ties groaning as he watches the wavy tresses drop to her shoulders and back, ignoring her soft gasp of surprise.

“Damn…I’ve been dreaming about this body since the last time I saw you, Raina. Since the last time I touched it.” Cole says to her in a low voice, his breath hot against her cheek and neck as he starts pressing his body up against the slave girl he managed to corner yet again. His left-hand starts trailing down Raina’s cheek as Raina turns her head away. Then it grips on to her right breast squeezing hard. 

Vomit threatens to rise up the woman’s throat; this wasn’t the first time that Cole had touched her in such a manner. Uncomfortable at his closeness, Raina tries to distract him with words to make her escape.

“Please, Master Brody. I need to go. The master is waiting for me to finish my work.” She tries to move out of his presence only for him to push her back against the hard brick of the big house. 

“You ain’t going nowhere, girl. You’re always trying to escape me…but soon that won’t be an issue.” Cole holds her tight in his grip. A strange faintly eager look flashes in his eyes before he gives a chuckle seeing Raina’s eyes meet his finally in confusion. Her lips part a tiny bit as she calculates what he’s talking about.

“I don’t understand. What do you mean?” Raina knows the answer but wants to hear them face to face. She manages to keep eye contact with Cole just enough to see the truth.

“What I’m telling you is that in the near future, I plan to make you mine, Raina. When I get enough funds from the sugar cane sales, I’ll be back to buy you and once I do, girl,” He pauses, getting closer to her lips. “Your only job will be for breeding…you won’t ever leave my bed.”  

Before Raina could even try to protest her selling, she felt his lips cover hers, her scream muffled under his kiss that still had the after tones of the dinner made for him. She tosses her head from side to side, raising her hands to push his face back, hearing his growl as he releases her enough backhand her face. White light and agonizing pain sear through her head as it falls back against the brick.  Her hand covers her cheek and she whimpers shying away as Cole comes close to her face again.

“You better know your place, wench. You’re nothing but property to be used, Raina so get that through that thick head of yours.” His fingers gripped onto her cheeks hard pressing her lips out as he growled with irritation at her squeals of terror.

“Master Brody…” 

Both Raina and Cole suddenly become very still hearing a voice, their eyes meeting with Beau’s who was standing there, concern for Raina all in his dark eyes. 

“What do you want, boy? You see me busy, don’t you? Get!” Cole ordered, pointing. Beau removed his straw hat, staying put as he tries to explain to the young master. “I’d like to do that, Master but you are being summoned by Master Thomas. He’s looking for you.” 

Cole scoffs before looking down at the trembling Raina who avoids his gaze. “No doubt wondering if staking my claim on you, girl.” He then releases her, fixing his overcoat and clearing his throat. “No matter. I’ll get what I want soon enough.” Raina risks a glance and Cole smirks at her. Seeing the slaves staying silent, he starts walking away chuckling. Raina waits for the vile master to be completely out of her sight before she starts letting out gasping sobs. Beau reaches her, bringing her into a hug. 

“Are you all right? Did he rape you, Raina?” He asks, checking her all over and looking at her reddened cheek. 

“N..no. Thank the Lord Almighty he didn’t. Thank you for coming when you did, Beau.” Raina says graciously, kneeling down and sniffling, grabbing her hairpins. Beau joins her on the ground watching her intently, his finger going under her chin to bring her face up to meet his.

“Freedom sounds pretty damn good right about now, don’t it?”

Raina doesn’t deny it. 

<<<<   >>>>

 Later after coming back to the house with the container for scraps Raina pauses in the hallway seeing Mistress Ella standing there, her body and face highlighted by candles in the hallway. 

“You enjoy your visit with Mister Brody, Raina? He seems quite smitten with you. Maybe I should put in a word to the master to go ahead and get your papers ready to sell. Give a chance for Cole to stare at you instead of my husband.” Raina stared wordlessly at the woman, her heart pounding. So all that Cole had told her is true. There are talks of her sale. Ella’s smile looks so wicked that Raina takes a step back as she hears her deep chuckle of satisfaction from the slave’s reaction. Hurt from deep inside prompts her to speak up.

“Miss Ella…I don’t understand. What reason is there really for you to hate me so? I try everything I can to please you.” 

The mistress of the manor stared at Raina in disbelief as if she really had the gall to talk to her so, crossing her arms and smirking. Her eyes are full of such contempt and she gestured to Raina with one hand palm up. The next words shake Raina to the core and she knows she will never forget them as long as she lives. 

You exist, you negra bitch. That’s reason enough.” 

Later that evening while in Beau’s quarters surrounded by four others, the words still ring in her ears even though she knows she shouldn’t be surprised they were spoken. She’s not sure if Ella meant by her personally or by her people but either way, it was the final straw in her decision on escaping. She had no real family here to hang onto and so what was really keeping her here? Fear of lashings? Fear of being lynched? That was no different than the fear she felt every second of every day! 

Her decision was made.

The plan was to wait until everybody was asleep in the quarters and slip out to the backwoods; an area that had not been watched for years. That was one of Ralph Carmichael’s major flaws: Thinking that his slaves were loyal to him to the end. He was a pretty lenient master, but he still thought of them all as his property and just like her, this group was fed up with it. There is nothing that can change her mind. Nothing. Not even Edie who pleaded with her ward at lights out to reconsider but when she realized it was a lost cause all she could do was pray over her and wish safe travels. 

Raina once again sits on her bed pallet. She reaches under her pillow to pull out a necklace. It was metal and chain-linked with a pyramid-shaped crystalline gem hanging at the end. Raina had this under her possession ever since she found out her mother had been sold and since then she had been keeping it close, making sure that nobody found or worse stole it. Raina found at times that it would seem to glow almost as luminous as the flame she was in front of; that in itself was reason enough to protect it. She puts the necklace back then sighs, staring at the fire for a few minutes before laying back for sleep. 

Before her eyes can close she smiles, thinking about freedom. That lantern and that open arms ready for embrace…

They may be closer to obtain than she thought. 

[ghostie-sims-blog]

- ̗̀  ghostie’s building masterpost  ̖́-

hi there !! when i first discovered the sims community, the most daunting thing for me was the amazing builds the members of the community created. so inspired by @sandy-sims​, i decided to make a huge masterpost/tutorial thingie to hopefully help some people out !! it’s under the read more link bc i don’t want 2 be clogging up people’s dashes, also i ask if this post helped u out 2 reblog it so it could maybe help someone else out too !!! 

disclaimer: this is in no way me trying to be arrogant or say that i’m a good builder,  correct/ “call out” other’s “mistakes”, or tell anyone what to do. i’m just trying to share some building knowledge !!! lots of love xx

inspiration: the first step to creating anything is inspiration. a lot of people who build, myself included, use pictures of real life buildings for reference and inspiration when making their builds.

{ 1 } youtube channels: watching speedbuilds is literally one of the only reasons i can build. you pick up so many little tips n stuff while watching other people build. here are some talented builders who’s speed builds i watch on a regular basis:  - ̗̀ deligracy, the sim supply, lilsimsie   ̖́-

{ 2 } pinterest: pinterest is where i get reference for my builds. i usually just determine the kind of build that i want to create, and search it in the search bar (i.e. modern house exterior, traditional house exterior, etc.).  - ̗̀ find my pinterest board here, where i pin all the houses i use for reference/inspo  ̖́-

{ 3 } tumblr: simblr is home to loads of talented builders. here are the tags i look at to gather inspiration for my own builds:  - ̗̀  ts4 build, ts4 exterior , ts4 interior  ̖́-

general tips: some general tips to help you out !!!

{ 1 } hotkeys: hotkeys make building about 10x faster. - ̗̀ here is a list of hotkeys for the sims 4  ̖́-

{ 2 } listening to music / watching youtube or netflix: building is a long process, and trust me, you’ll get tired of the sims 4 music pretty fast. mute the game music in options, and put on some of your own music, a youtube video, your favorite netflix show, or even a podcast in the background. just remember, don’t make it something that you have to have all your attention on.

{ 3 } save a lot: the sims 4 is a game; games crash. enough said.

{ 4 } bb.moveobjects: entering the cheat bb.moveobjects on into the cheat bar ( which is opened by ctrl + shift + c if you don’t know already ) allows you to moves objects anywhere you want. i never build without this cheat on.

{ 5 } 9 and 0 + [ and ]: pressing the 9 and 0 keys on your keyboard will allow you to move objects up and down, and pressing the [ and ] keys will allow you to make objects bigger and smaller. bb.moveobjects must be on for this to work.

{ 6 } the alt key: by holding down the alt key, you can place an item without it snapping to the grid. you can also rotate objects freely with this key, but sims 3 camera must be enabled to do this. you can toggle between camera modes by pressing ctrl + shift + tab.

exteriors: the exterior of a build is the first thing you see. here are some tips on building exteriors.

{ 1 } start small, and with a box: the biggest mistake, and one that i made, is diving into your first few builds with huge mansions. the bigger the house = the harder the build. start simple, like with a starter home. also, most builders start their builds with a single room/box.

{ 2 } add a foundation: pretty much all houses irl have a foundation. unless it’s essential for the style of the house, use that foundation tool friend.

{ 3 } the stair trick + railings: i’m extremely embarrased to tell you that i didn’t know how to get rid of that ugly deck/foundation piece that appears when u place stairs. here’s the secret: click inside the foundation you’re placing the stairs on, not outside of it. pics 4 reference:

{ 4 } roofing: wanna hear a secret? i only know how to do roofing because of this tutorial.

{ 5 } terrain paint: terrain painting is the key to detailing your build. i usually put dirt under the whole foundation/ “outline” of the house and also under any landscaping, and i usually paint the whole lot sporadically with the white flower paint using the biggest circle brush and lowest opacity.

{ 6 } landscaping: there is no big secret to landscaping: for me, it’s always been the hardest part of building. again, i advise you to watch a crapton of speedbuilds, but also to not under-landscape and to stick to a neutral color pallete ( white, pale yellows and blues, etc.) when landscaping !!!

{ 7 } white columns: place these columns, or similar ones, on the ends of every wall segment to make your build look more detailed and cohesive.

{ 8 } utilize trims: floor trims and roof trims. use them.

{ 9 } flower boxes and ivy: flowerboxes and ivy, along with other exterior details, make a house look more lived in and realistic + they also fill up space.

{ 10 } don’t over-window: if it looks like to many windows, it probably is.

interiors: interiors are where you’re going to be spending most of your time playing. here are some tips for interiors. i will be referencing the following picture throughout my tips so that’s why it’s here ok.

{ 1 } consistency: this was one of my biggest mistakes when i first started building. a modern house usually doesn’t have wood paneling and Victorian couches, and a traditional house usually doesn’t have all white walls and industrial furnishing.

 { 2 } flooring and walls: here are some of my most used floorings and wallpapers !!!

{ 3 } floor plans: although not as breathable, more closed off floorplans are much easier to furnish, as there’s much less empty space. try to avoid open floorplans when you’re first starting to build.

{ 4 } accent colors: look at the picture at the top of this section. notice how the pink paint splatters on the easel match the pink poster behind the desk. even small accent colors like this can help to tie a room together.

{ 5 } clutter: notice the file cabinets under the desk, the picture and the cds, the paint cans. no one’s house in real life is perfectly immaculate: clutter makes a house look real and lived in, and also fills up extra space.

{ 6 } lighting: the type of lighting you use in a build is subjective to what you’re using the build for. for example, if you’re going to be taking screenshots in the build, you’ll probably want bright, crisp lighting. here are some of my favorite lights, the first two being brighter and more expensive, and the last two being dimmer but more affordable !!!

{ 7 } match the interior to your sim: when i was building the interior in the picture, i had a sim who was a struggling artist and writer, hence the easel and paintcans, the lived in desk and the holes/ damage in the walls. if your building a house for a particular sim, the interior of your build should match that sim !!!

that’s it loves xxx

[bdotson46-blog]

THE NORTHEAST BLIZZARD BRINGS MEMORIES OF THE IDITAROD SLED DOG RACE NOW UNDERWAY IN ALASKA. People there embrace failure.  Fear of failing paralyzes progress.  Learning from mistakes pushes us forward.  Rachael Scdoris taught me that.  She was about to race a sled dog team eleven hundred miles over a treacherous trail she could barely see, but figured the biggest barrier to her success was “being blonde.”  Rachael’s stunning good looks caused some to underestimate her ability.  She was born with Congenital Achromatopsia, a rare disorder that left her sight fuzzy and without color. “People say my eyes are a huge disadvantage, but I’m an athlete,” Rachael said, strapping her dogs into harness.  “I can easily jump off the sled and run up a three-mile hill, if I have to.”  Rachael and her Huskies had jogged fourteen miles that day we first met.  She needed to run two thousand more to qualify for the Iditarod, an incredible race through the Alaskan Outback, across a wilderness so vast it would stretch from Maine to the tip of Florida. Some other mushers were questioning her ability.  Rachael shrugged and stepped back onto her sled runners, “Quitting is just not something I’m really into.”  She was eighteen, sleeping under the stars with her dogs, getting them comfortable with life on the trail.  Her dad, Jerry, said Rachael grew up listening to his Huskies sing lullabies. "Dad used to take me on runs when I was a baby to put me down for a nap." She started raising her own team in the second grade. “Rachael camped outside with her puppies for an entire year,” Jerry said with an incredulous smile. Race rules require that she harness her Huskies without help, slip protective booties over tender paws, two thousand times, and dish out three tons of food and water, all by herself. “They’ll burn eight to ten thousand calories a day out there,” Rachael explained. She would have to stash huge pallets of food along the eleven hundred mile trail. “Winning the Iditarod is basically who can take the best care of their dogs -- the fastest," Rachael said, wiping ice from a puppy’s paw. The only concession for her blindness --           an extra pair of eyes.  Rachael’s dad became her practice spotter, driving a sled ahead of hers and using a two-way radio to alert her to dangers. “There’s a boulder up ahead…” Jerry cried. Rachael swerved to steer around it.  To her the beauty of the Alaskan outback is only a black and white smudge, but she won’t let anything hold her back. “If there’s a barrier,” she said, “I’m determined to break it.” Rachael would be the first musher in Iditarod history to be allowed a spotter.  One long time racer, four-time champ, Martin Buser was concerned for her dogs’ safety. “If you had a blind person driving your school bus you would probably yank your kid out of that bus,” he said, but at fifteen, Rachael finished a five hundred mile sled dog race, over mountain passes with tricky turns and blowing snow, the youngest ever to do so.  She started with sixteen Huskies and finished with all sixteen.  None was injured. “My dogs come first,” she said.  “Anything that will keep them safe, I’ll do it.”    The biggest races in life begin far from the starting line.  That's why Jerry Scdoris maxed out his credit cards and drove twenty five hundred miles - to the top of the Globe - in the dead of winter to help his daughter chase that dream she cannot see.  He did not ask her to reconsider. “Not allowing her to accomplish her goals would be a set up for failure in life,” he said, loading the last dog into his truck.  "Hopefully, she will make it easier for the next young person who comes along,” with a dream stronger than life's problems.   Rachael raised most of her team from puppies at her home atop a forty-acre hill near Bend, Oregon.  Second graders in her old classroom marveled at what she had accomplished since she was their age.  One asked Rachael the day before she set off for Alaska, “How is it being legally blind?” “It’s pretty difficult to be all the way back here and have your lead dogs over there by the wall.  You can’t see exactly what’s going on.” Just getting to the starting line was a victory for a woman who sees only possibilities.  Rachael pumped her fist as she passed through a tunnel of screaming fans. "The important thing is that I'm here,” Rachael said as she skidded to a stop.  "I don't worry about falling anymore, because I've fallen before.  So I just deal with whatever's out there." “Five!” cried the race starter.  The dogs began to yelp.  The crowd roared. “Four!” “Whoa!” yelled Rachael, stomping on her snow brake, holding back her team. “Three!” "A lot of people tell me I'm crazy,” she smiled over her shoulder. “Two!” Paul Ellering slid his team in front of Rachael’s.  The five-time Iditarod champ would be her spotter along the trail. "Even in my dreams it's hard,” he said, straightening his sled.  "It's hard for me, a former champion.  People tell Rachael all the time she won’t be able to do this.” “One!” Four little girls stood on tip toes to see Rachael pass.  Ellering grinned, “The American dream is just pulling up your socks and putting your pants on and getting it done." “GO!” "Hi!  Chee!” Rachael shouted.  Her dogs skittered off into a fog of ice.  She was heading into some of the deepest snow in decades.  The mushers ran through a crystal swamp, bone chilling ice that pulled at legs and made each day's trip seem like two.  Rachael successfully navigated the most treacherous sections of the Iditarod, but after reaching the Eagle Island checkpoint (732 miles into the 1,200 mile race), her dogs got sick with a virus they had picked up along the way.  Rather than risk their health – Rachael dropped out. “The pride of Norway!” cried the race announcer, as Robert Sorlie schussed into Nome, Alaska, winning that Super Bowl of Sled Dog races.  Rachael was heartbroken.  She wondered, “What am I doing out here?"  -- in the hardest race on earth, but then her toughest race had been the one she set for herself.  Her dream seemed foolish only to those who dared not try. A year later, on March 18, 2006, Rachael Scdoris passed under the Burled Arch in Nome and slid into the history books, becoming the first legally blind athlete to finish the famed Iditarod.  It took her twelve days, ten hours and forty-two minutes.  She was seventh out of the twenty rookies who started the race.   History is not just for winners.  Sometimes there is more to remember -- than, "Who crossed the finish line first?"

[josephkitchen0]

What Does a Chicken Coop Need in Case of Emergency

By Patricia Harris Pointing – “Expect the unexpected” is as true in poultry-keeping as anywhere else. Having an answer to what does a chicken coop need in case of emergency is very important before disaster strikes. Either prepare in advance or scramble around in a panic when trouble strikes. Having done it both ways myself, I highly recommend preparation!

First Aid Kit Contents and Their Uses

It only takes a few minutes to put together a kit that will spare you a great deal of stress, improvisation and midnight trips to the drugstore. It’s important to put together your kit knowing the proper first aid contents and their uses. Start with basic supplies for dressing wounds: unopened saline or bottled water, an eye dropper or syringe, sterile gauze, paper towels, vet wrap, clean sharp scissors, and waterless hand sanitizer. A plastic basin or dishpan makes a good soaking tub, and can also keep supplies up out of the litter when you’re treating an injury. Old towels help you restrain or dry a chicken. Plastic baggies are useful for preserving samples such as unusual droppings.

Ready to Start Your Own Backyard Flock?

Get tips and tricks for starting your new flock from our chicken experts. Download your FREE guide today! YES! I want this Free Guide »

What does a chicken coop need in an emergency situation? Well, a basic medicine chest for the flock might consist of: Blu-kote or other dark-colored anti-pick lotion; Neosporin cream; either betadine or hydrogen peroxide (the latter is harsh on delicate tissue, but the foaming action can help cleanse badly contaminated wounds); and baby shampoo. A general-purpose poultry vitamin and an electrolyte powder round out the kit. You may wish to stock other supplies as well, depending on your philosophy and level of experience: vaseline for lubrication and for protecting combs from frostbite, hemorrhoid cream for treating a prolapse, a magnifier, alcohol swabs, surgical scissors. Many poultry owners keep antibiotics on hand as well, although it’s important to know when to use them and when not to.

Additionally, all responsible chicken owners need to work out in advance what they’d do for a hopelessly suffering animal. If you’d prefer to ask a vet or neighbor for help, make sure that the means for plan B are nonetheless on hand (a hatchet or sharp knife) in case the situation is urgent and your planned assistance is unavailable.

Prepare The Chicken Coop

Most of us would admit that backyard chicken owners do not always exercise the greatest of care in the placement, attachment or maintenance of heat lamps. Even just a regular light bulb or water heater can ignite dust or dry litter, and it only takes one chewing rodent or lightning strike to set wiring on fire. So unless your coop has no electrical service at all (not even extension cords), you NEED a fire extinguisher ready at hand. This may seem obvious, but in my experience, it is frighteningly rare to see it taken care of. Fire extinguishers are pretty inexpensive these days, certainly much less costly than having to rebuild your coop and replace your flock! You want one labeled “AC” or “ABC”, to handle both conventional and electrical fires. Read the instructions when you buy it so that if heaven forbid you should ever have to use it, it’s not completely unfamiliar. Mount it just inside the doorway. The coop you save could be your own!

One of the most-needed emergency essentials and often the hardest to find is a good flashlight. Keep a flashlight within easy reach of the door. In fact, you may want two: a large flashlight to provide wide-angle lighting, and a smaller one (possibly one of the new battery-free types, charged by cranking or shaking) to hold in one hand or even in your mouth while you examine an injury.

Water is a no-brainer when asking, what does a chicken coop need? Thirst kills quickly. A backup system should always be at the ready: a spare vacuum-style waterer, or even just clean buckets. If you use an automatic watering system, lay in a supply of replacement gaskets and valves (and a mop!). Additionally, those of us in the North need a plan to keep water liquid if a heated waterer fails or the power goes out during the winter. Some people carry buckets of lukewarm water out to the coop multiple times per day. Others stockpile some of the chemical heat packs used in hand warmers or back-pain wraps; one or more of them, exposed to air according to instructions to start the heating process and placed flat underneath a vacuum-style waterer, can delay freezing for a surprisingly long time.

Because a loose board can admit predators and a blown light bulb can spell disaster for chicks in a brooder, you will never regret establishing a designated repair kit. Mine includes a spare hammer, pliers, assorted nails, fence staples, some spare hardware cloth and 1″ wire mesh, some spare medium-gauge wire, an extension cord that will reach the house, and spare light bulbs. If you have an incubator, keep a spare wafer. If your coop sometimes floods, you might add some pallets and a roll of old carpeting, to temporarily raise the chickens up above the water.

What’s your plan for sick chicken symptoms or an injured chicken? A simple, moveable panel can be knocked together from scrap wood and chicken wire, with a “roof” of heavy cardboard, to pen an invalid in a corner. Store it flat and out of the way until needed. A large dog crate also makes an excellent hospital pen; it can even be set outdoors on nice days to allow a recuperating chicken some sunshine, fresh air, and grass. If you’re fortunate enough to have a vet who will deal with chickens, keep a suitable box handy for transport.

Also, figure out how you could create an isolation area if the need should arise. There are many contagious chicken diseases that could strike, and you may want to isolate symptomatic individuals, and newly purchased birds (other than day-old chicks) should be quarantined for a month or so in case they’re carrying something that could be passed to your existing flock, a depressingly common occurrence. This requires housing somewhere out of range of airborne or crawling contagion. Could you fence off a corner of the garage? Use another barn or shed? Do you have a tractor-type pen that could be beefed up, insulated or have a light bulb added? Many creative solutions are possible, but if they’ll require any scrounging or hammering then now is the time to take care of it.

Prepare Yourself

The ultimate “emergency kit” is the human brain. Keep your vet’s phone number handy. Write down – before you need it – the contact information for your state extension agency or state university poultry department. And since animals have an inconvenient knack for having crises late at night or on holiday weekends, a good bookshelf is essential.

The internet can put you in touch with help, too. If you haven’t already done so, spend a little time identifying reliable sources of poultry keeping advice on the internet; bookmark the sites you find helpful and organize those bookmarks into a single folder so you can find them easily. Print out any web pages that strike you as especially useful, assemble them in a binder, and keep it handy in the coop for a wealth of emergency support even when your computer is down. If you find a forum or bulletin board you respect, consider signing up now so you don’t have to sit around during a crisis waiting to be issued a username and password. Remember, though, that while most people online are sincerely trying to help to the best of their abilities, not all advice is equally good. Double check what you’re told, and trust your own judgment.

Finally, think about whatever natural disasters your region experiences — hurricane, tornado, flood, wildfire. Do you have a method for rain water harvesting and storing several days’ worth of water for your animals as well as for yourself? Do you know where you’d go if you had to evacuate your home, and what you’d do with your flock — take all or some of them with you (how? where?), leave them in the coop with extra feed and water, or set them free to fend for themselves? There are no right and wrong answers but you need a clearly thought-out plan that you are comfortable with.

Remember that the vast majority of the things you prepare for will never happen — but some will, and you can never predict which ones. As the saying goes, forewarned is forearmed. With supplies all in one place and a well thought out plan in your head, you and your flock will be in the best possible position to cope with whatever Fate sends your way.

Now that you have an answer to what does a chicken coop need in case of an emergency, how will you prepare for the unexpected?

Originally published in 2008 and regularly vetted for accuracy.

What Does a Chicken Coop Need in Case of Emergency was originally posted by All About Chickens

[bdotson46-blog]

THE NORTHEAST BLIZZARD BRINGS MEMORIES OF THE IDITAROD SLED DOG RACE NOW UNDERWAY IN ALASKA. People there embrace failure.  Fear of failing paralyzes progress.  Learning from mistakes pushes us forward.  Rachael Scdoris taught me that.  She was about to race a sled dog team eleven hundred miles over a treacherous trail she could barely see, but figured the biggest barrier to her success was “being blonde.”  Rachael’s stunning good looks caused some to underestimate her ability.  She was born with Congenital Achromatopsia, a rare disorder that left her sight fuzzy and without color. “People say my eyes are a huge disadvantage, but I’m an athlete,” Rachael said, strapping her dogs into harness.  “I can easily jump off the sled and run up a three-mile hill, if I have to.”  Rachael and her Huskies had jogged fourteen miles that day we first met.  She needed to run two thousand more to qualify for the Iditarod, an incredible race through the Alaskan Outback, across a wilderness so vast it would stretch from Maine to the tip of Florida. Some other mushers were questioning her ability.  Rachael shrugged and stepped back onto her sled runners, “Quitting is just not something I’m really into.”  She was eighteen, sleeping under the stars with her dogs, getting them comfortable with life on the trail.  Her dad, Jerry, said Rachael grew up listening to his Huskies sing lullabies. "Dad used to take me on runs when I was a baby to put me down for a nap." She started raising her own team in the second grade. “Rachael camped outside with her puppies for an entire year,” Jerry said with an incredulous smile. Race rules require that she harness her Huskies without help, slip protective booties over tender paws, two thousand times, and dish out three tons of food and water, all by herself. “They’ll burn eight to ten thousand calories a day out there,” Rachael explained. She would have to stash huge pallets of food along the eleven hundred mile trail. “Winning the Iditarod is basically who can take the best care of their dogs -- the fastest," Rachael said, wiping ice from a puppy’s paw. The only concession for her blindness --           an extra pair of eyes.  Rachael’s dad became her practice spotter, driving a sled ahead of hers and using a two-way radio to alert her to dangers. “There’s a boulder up ahead…” Jerry cried. Rachael swerved to steer around it.  To her the beauty of the Alaskan outback is only a black and white smudge, but she won’t let anything hold her back. “If there’s a barrier,” she said, “I’m determined to break it.” Rachael would be the first musher in Iditarod history to be allowed a spotter.  One long time racer, four-time champ, Martin Buser was concerned for her dogs’ safety. “If you had a blind person driving your school bus you would probably yank your kid out of that bus,” he said, but at fifteen, Rachael finished a five hundred mile sled dog race, over mountain passes with tricky turns and blowing snow, the youngest ever to do so.  She started with sixteen Huskies and finished with all sixteen.  None was injured. “My dogs come first,” she said.  “Anything that will keep them safe, I’ll do it.”    The biggest races in life begin far from the starting line.  That's why Jerry Scdoris maxed out his credit cards and drove twenty five hundred miles - to the top of the Globe - in the dead of winter to help his daughter chase that dream she cannot see.  He did not ask her to reconsider. “Not allowing her to accomplish her goals would be a set up for failure in life,” he said, loading the last dog into his truck.  "Hopefully, she will make it easier for the next young person who comes along,” with a dream stronger than life's problems.   Rachael raised most of her team from puppies at her home atop a forty-acre hill near Bend, Oregon.  Second graders in her old classroom marveled at what she had accomplished since she was their age.  One asked Rachael the day before she set off for Alaska, “How is it being legally blind?” “It’s pretty difficult to be all the way back here and have your lead dogs over there by the wall.  You can’t see exactly what’s going on.” Just getting to the starting line was a victory for a woman who sees only possibilities.  Rachael pumped her fist as she passed through a tunnel of screaming fans. "The important thing is that I'm here,” Rachael said as she skidded to a stop.  "I don't worry about falling anymore, because I've fallen before.  So I just deal with whatever's out there." “Five!” cried the race starter.  The dogs began to yelp.  The crowd roared. “Four!” “Whoa!” yelled Rachael, stomping on her snow brake, holding back her team. “Three!” "A lot of people tell me I'm crazy,” she smiled over her shoulder. “Two!” Paul Ellering slid his team in front of Rachael’s.  The five-time Iditarod champ would be her spotter along the trail. "Even in my dreams it's hard,” he said, straightening his sled.  "It's hard for me, a former champion.  People tell Rachael all the time she won’t be able to do this.” “One!” Four little girls stood on tip toes to see Rachael pass.  Ellering grinned, “The American dream is just pulling up your socks and putting your pants on and getting it done." “GO!” "Hi!  Chee!” Rachael shouted.  Her dogs skittered off into a fog of ice.  She was heading into some of the deepest snow in decades.  The mushers ran through a crystal swamp, bone chilling ice that pulled at legs and made each day's trip seem like two.  Rachael successfully navigated the most treacherous sections of the Iditarod, but after reaching the Eagle Island checkpoint (732 miles into the 1,200 mile race), her dogs got sick with a virus they had picked up along the way.  Rather than risk their health – Rachael dropped out. “The pride of Norway!” cried the race announcer, as Robert Sorlie schussed into Nome, Alaska, winning that Super Bowl of Sled Dog races.  Rachael was heartbroken.  She wondered, “What am I doing out here?"  -- in the hardest race on earth, but then her toughest race had been the one she set for herself.  Her dream seemed foolish only to those who dared not try. A year later, on March 18, 2006, Rachael Scdoris passed under the Burled Arch in Nome and slid into the history books, becoming the first legally blind athlete to finish the famed Iditarod.  It took her twelve days, ten hours and forty-two minutes.  She was seventh out of the twenty rookies who started the race.   History is not just for winners.  Sometimes there is more to remember -- than, "Who crossed the finish line first?"