See You
Eddie ran his mouth. Anyone and everyone knew this. He was harmless, wouldn’t hurt a fly, but with a sharp tongue when aimed at the wrong (or right) people. Sure, it made him some enemies—some people, he swore, didn’t know how to take a joke—but for the most part it was okay.
The one thing he’d never do was kick someone while they’re down. Metaphorically, of course, since he’d never actually physically kick someone. Unless that someone was Gareth, who took the last brownie. Then all bets were off. But he’d never poke fun at someone already hurting, which is why so many of his tabletop rants were focused on the royalty of Hawkins High.
He knew that he knew that he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that table was fine to poke fun at. Hagan hated him for it, but then again Hagan hated him for just existing, so he took Hagan’s thoughts with a grain of salt. Besides, the object of his attention—though he’d never admit it to anyone—was one Steve Harrington. King Steve, The Hair, the heir to the Harrington fortune and legacy.
For the most part, Harrington would stare back, the barest trace of a smile playing on his lips. Sometimes Eddie would get him to crack, and he’d look down at his own table as he smiled, but for the most part he sat there, mask cracked, mirth shining in his eyes.
There was one time, however, he didn’t. Eddie was ranting about prices, about allowance (or lack thereof) and holes in sneakers and cold showers. “Now, of course, the royal court knows nothing of such trivialities,” he said, taking a mock bow in their direction, almost freezing when he saw Harrington frowning at the table. But he was a performer, and the show must go on, so he changed direction—even got a reluctant smile out of Harrington—before finishing.
Later, he sat thinking about it. Maybe he just hadn’t liked the topic of the rant, but it somehow felt more personal than that. Eddie decided he had to get to the bottom of it, so he approached Harrington towards the end of the school day.
Harrington sighed and shut his locker. “What do you want, Munson?”
Eddie shoved his hands in his pockets. “To talk?”
Harrington raised a brow at him, which he figured he deserved. “Okay. So talk.”
“Y’know, I swore something to myself when I start d this whole shebang. I promised myself I’d never kick someone who was already down. And I don’t intend to make a liar of myself.” He shrugged at the look thrown his way. “You didn’t seem to particularly like today’s topic of choice, is all. I wanted to see why.”
“I didn’t think you cared.” He winced before Eddie could say anything. “Sorry. That was rude.”
Eddie frowned, tilting his head. “You alright, Harrington?”
He sighs and leans back against the lockers, copying Eddie’s position, before tilting his head back and looking up at the ceiling. “Guess I finally got it knocked into me that I’m not a good person. I’m trying to do better. There’s these kids… actually, you play that, uh, dragons game, right? With the dice and the figurines?”
Eddie raised his eyebrows. “Dungeons and Dragons?”
Steve snapped at him. “That’s the one. There’s these kids I watch, they’re obsessed with the game. The one leading them, the, uh…” he snapped a few times, trying to remember. “Master player, or whatever.”
“Dungeon Master.”
“Yeah, thanks. They call him Will the Wise.” He began to smile. “God, they’re such dorks.” He sighed and sobered. “That… wasn’t the point, sorry. But I’m watching those kids. Something happened—y’know the thing everyone knows about but no one’s supposed to talk about?”
“The thing that stinks of government?”
Steve snorted. “Yup. We were right in the middle of it. Thought we weren’t gonna make it out, a few times. Thought if the kids made it, it’d be okay. I don’t have anything waiting for me, y’know? My parents are off who knows where. And I guess this is where my problem with your rant today comes from. Because… I get it, y’know? My parents aren’t home, and they’re not gonna heat a whole house for someone who only uses two or three rooms. I can pay heating or electric, but not both, and I need electric more, usually. I don’t get an allowance from my parents. Used to, but that stopped at fourteen. I got a job as soon as I realized that was it. I get cold showers and whatever I can scrounge up to eat until the next paycheck. I take such good care of the clothes I have because I can’t afford to buy new ones. God, this isn’t even my style, this is just whatever my mom last bought me. I fuckin’ hate the polos, man,” he said, a laugh in his voice.
Eddie chuckled with him, then sobered. “That… that, uh, really sucks, man. I get it. And I’m sorry about the rant.”
Steve shrugged. “You didn’t know.”
“You said you’re not a good person. I think you’re better than you know.”
A smile quirked up the corner of Steve’s lip. “And I guess you’d know?”
“I might be a better judge of character than you think.”
Steve laughed. “I’m sure that’s true. Can I ask a question?”
“You just did.”
“Jackass,” he muttered, failing to hide his grin. “How’d you notice I wasn’t a fan of today’s topic?”
Eddie considered it for a moment. “I’ll give you full honesty if you promise not to retaliate in any way.”
Steve frowned. “Retaliate, like, hurt you? I wouldn’t.”
“Never say never,” he warned, and Steve good-naturedly rolled his eyes.
“Fine, I promise not to retaliate in any way.”
“I kinda, maybe, have a massive crush on you.” He bit his lip, looking away, unwilling to see the disgust in Steve’s eyes, painted on his face.
What he didn’t expect was the chuckle. “You’re joking, right?”
Eddie blinked and turned to face him. “No.”
“Why me? Aren’t I kinda the antithesis of everything you stand for?”
“Antithesis. Good word.”
“I’m not actually an idiot, y’know. I need all A’s or B’a to stay in sports.”
Eddie blinked. “Not what I expected. Okay. Um, yeah, you kinda are the antithesis of everything I stand for, or at least I thought you were, and now I dunno what I think, except you’re not at all what I expected, and I’m probably gonna have to toss the entirely of the Munson Doctrine in the trash.”
Steve blinked. “I caught about two words of that, sorry. You… you really do. Have a crush on me.”
“Yeah.”
Steve grinned. “Good.”
Eddie blinked. “Good?”
“Good,” Steve parroted, gaze flickering from his eyes, to his lips, back to his eyes. “Come over after school?”
Eddie snorted. “No offense, Steve, but I want to step foot in your house even less now than I used to. But you’re welcome over at mine.”
Steve’s grin grew. “You said my name.”
Eddie frowned. “Of course I did. What else would I call you?”
“You usually call me Harrington,” he murmured, and suddenly Eddie realized.
“Oh. Am I correct in assuming you’d rather not be associated with that name?”
Steve shrugged. “In a perfect world, no. But I know that’s not very likely right now.”
“It can be,” Eddie offered. “At least with me.”
Just then the final bell rang, and they jumped apart, looking at each other and letting out a nervous chuckle. “I’ll, uh, see you after school?”
“My place,” Eddie nodded. “See you, Steve.”
Steve smiled. “See you, Eddie.”
Permanent Taglist:
@justforthedead89 @ilovecupcakesandtea @madigoround @bookbinderbitch
193 notes
·
View notes
Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
7K notes
·
View notes