#I hate crying

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

Really not having a great day today, wanted to work on the surprise story but I don’t think that’s gonna happen. I hope you all are having a good day though 💜

[leternumo]

its 1am and im crying for no reasons

[nicholasribcage]

Fuck it sucks being trans sometimes, or it sucks having grandparents that doesn’t follow the times and doesn’t try to make accommodations to make you feel good. Or at least just okay.

My grandmother has some kind of dementia and i accept that. Thats fine. It of course sucks a lot, and she is super confused. But it is what it is. But the fact that my (supportive) parents have to deadname me to her sucks. Like it hurts so much. I know its not her fault and its not that she does it on purpose. But it just hurts.

The same with my parents. I know my grandmother wouldn’t recognize me with any other name than my deadname. But the fact that they still say it, even tho they know it hurts me just sucks. I just wish she would remember me. The new me. The real me.

It just hurts when you get deadnamed, even when you can understand the reason.

Just writing this while crying about it🥹👍

[db3at]

Bruh not me crying over a teacher I might never see again after high school grad :((

(I’m not a senior but I will be playing an instrument at grad)

I’m fucking sobbing 😭

[ughmyreality]

I hate how cliche it sounds, but sometimes reading can TRULY make you feel something. It doesn't even have to be some "sophisticated" book or "deep" poem. It could be something so miniscule that it makes you wonder why it invoked such strong feelings in the first place. Like why am I on the brink of tears from reading fanfiction?

[teddymochi]

Oh no I messed even more.

Hahahahahaha..

[sorrowfulwill]

Istg one of these days I’m gonna become a cannibal just to get something different in my system

[nyctophiliq]

god i wanna kiss her so bad and hug her so tight, i cry about it, like real tears cry about it and too often nowadays which might be just the stress of uni or just THE FUCKING DISGUSTING BUTTERFLIES... on the other note, i just cried ab it :p

[liv-uwo]

I have blocked Good Omens 2 tags. Not because of me disliking GO 2 (in fact, I’d argue it’s one of Neil Gaiman’s best works and I encourage everyone and their clergy to watch it), but because every time I see anything relating to episode 6, I start to bawl like a damn toddler.

Also If I catch any of you shitting on Aziraphale’s character, I can and WILL throw hands

[moonysfavoritetoast]

i feel icky now

[powderflower]

i forget how fearful i am until i face my parents disappointment

i havent even spent a year as an adult yet

why do they expect so much more of me than im capable of

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

Well I made it 3 full days into the year without a break down...

I’d say that’s a personal best

[sainzcaleruega]

the last season of never have i ever really hits close to home i've been crying for hours i hate it here

[skeletalkids]

.

[allthecoolusernamesweretaken]

I Hate Crying- 22/06/2023

TW: reference of self harm and suicidal thoughts and tendencies. notes from me: I’m open to CONSTRUCTIVE feedback to help me better my writing. Please no hate. based of my own irl experience, names changed for obvious reasons. If anyone who recognises the story and/or thinks they know me irl, no you don’t.

This a blog for me to vent and share my writing without being connected to me irl. ————————————————————————— I hate crying.

I hate the burn in my throat. The way my voice catches. I hate the way my mouth turns downwards, in a Florence Pugh kind of frown. I hate the snotty nose. The way my face gets red. 

Sometimes it’s just a couple tears, it’s more the build up and the aftermath. 

There have been occasions where I’ve had a full, Oscar worthy break down.

I cried for an hour, chest throbbing with sobs and heaves. 

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

It was the middle of the day at school. 

There’s always someone who thinks they're in your friend group, when in reality, everyone hates them.

She made jokes. Wanting to kill herself, almost doing it the previous night.  But not actually being serious about it. It was for attention.

I remember feeling so sick. The flashback to my self harm. My own internal conflict. 

I’d left. Re did my hair to distract myself.

I walked back and forth in the corridor, past my crush and her friends. 

Back and forth.

Back and forth. 

I found Ally. The moment I saw her, I broke down. 

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

All into her shoulder. 

I remember looking up. Looking up and seeing her looking at me. 

Heather.

Concern etched on her face. She said something to her friend, still watching me.

They were talking about me. I know they were.

I missed History because of it. 

I love History. 

Fucking Zoe. 

News spreads fast. That afternoon, plenty people were asking if I was ok. I wasn’t. Ally’s mum took me home. 

The next couple days for me were a blur. I don’t remember anything, just blurs of time and having suspiciously high energy, for it being aftermath of one of my biggest breakdowns. I do remember one decision I made. 

“Write letters to your crushes. Give them to Claire. Have her give them to your crushes.” My brain screamed it.

I don’t even know what came over me. Just that it was what I had to do. I couldn’t do anything until it was done.

Shit choice.

Even shittier decision to go forward with it.

An absolutely stupid and shit. The awkwardness after was painful. The way I forgot news spreads like wild fire at my school and that everyone in the year level knew by the end of the week.

I was an absolute dumb fuck. 

Why did I do it? 

By that point Heather had left me on open for four or five months.

I’d begun to lose interest in Paige.

Riley had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me. 

Absolutely fucking stupid. 

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

Breath.

Heave.

Sob.

Repeat.

I hate crying over it. 

[sunshineandrosesnoraincamemyway]

I hate feeling empty but also feeling physical pain at the same time.