#I hate new technology
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The cursed new phone that I bought on Monday and actually activated on Tuesday keeps telling me there are updates
Where are you getting these updates from you are a newborn baby everything on you has been installed ONE DAY AGO how can there POSSIBLY be that many updates to shit ALREADY fuuuck yooou
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my beloved , 4-channel tektronix TDS2014C digital storage oscilloscope
#💾#📱#✏️#mine#tech#technology#oscilloscope#oscilloscopes#tektronix tds2014c#objectum#object romantic#objectum platonic#posic#os/or#osor#free to reblog#ahh. I dont have full images of them because i took the photos of their screen for assignments.#my professor told us these will be going soon. that they'll be getting new ones... I hope they reserve these oscilloscopes somewhere else.#i would hate to part with them..:#should i post my circuitry work from my other assignments? i dunno.Maybe ill take clear pictures of the breadboards i get to work with next#week. we'll see......
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ai is making me crazy suddenly even the people who refused to use chat gpt for the last couple years are telling me to use it and i’m going to lose my fucking mind. how am i the only person in my entire life with enough backbone to just. not use it. you don’t need it. you didn’t have it two years ago. you used to just reword a paragraph with your own brain. WHYYYY is everyone making themselves dumber on purpose
#I hate it#i know everyone hates new technology at first and everyone thinks it’s different and worse this time but like . it kind of is
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Alastor would love to have a computer because while he still thinky vinyl is the superior medium for music he can't deny that it's more effective to have a digital music library.
He could also built a computer easily, the hardware is no problem for him.
Unfortunately he stopped keeping up with programming in the 60ies, there was just so much going on. And now he can't get any software that is not in some way connected to Vox he doesn't want to admit it, because he's the radio demon, this frivolous digital technology is beneath him, but there is a little part of him that is pissed about it.
Definitely pissed.
And in no way whatsoever melancholic, reminiscing of a past when he and Vox would build them together, Alastor working on the hardware and Vox doing the software.
A past where such actions were meant to be a pleasant hobby, a nice way to pass the time and not a commitment to an unreliable lifestyle that chained itself to whatever new trend arose.
No, he could never miss this old flight of fancy. But he can admit, that he misses the old Vox. His old chum used to be a nice company rather than a persistent annoyance.
#Alastor is tech savvy#hear me out#Dude was a radio host in the twenties#And knew so much about the technology that he was able to build his own broadcasting network in hell#He knows how things work and he used to be a modern man#And I refuse to believe that he wasn't curious about the new technological developments#Especially computers which used to be operated by women#That was probably how him andVox connected in the first place#Because if he had hated any and all technology from the beginning how would they have become friends?#So my headcanon is that Alastor knows his stuff#But refuses to acknowledge it because than he would have to acknowledge Vox#And he can't do that without having to deal with complicated emotions#And we all know how well deerboy handles emotions#alastor hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin vox#hazbin hotel vox#vox the tv demon#alastor the radio demon#vox and alastor#friends to enemies
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i think someone needs to put rtd in a cupboard for a bit and let someone else have a turn
#plant rant#doctor who#that episode wasn’t. well it wasn’t awful. it was what it was wasn’t it#but come on man don’t join moffat in the ‘haha look i know about technology’ plots#they’re so boring#also why was the ai thing so massively underused there. i thought the thing with the words was going to be#that the (ai) robots could only pick up on the broad sense of a sentence not every word. you know. like ai generators.#i also HATE the trend in recent episodes for a ‘twist’ and i don’t mean (spoilers) your man being the ai thing#i mean the fact that he was a bastard was the reason the whole thing started and it wasn’t mentioned at all until AFTER the reveal#that’s so silly. come on#and. i hate to say it. i’m still not completely on board with 15’s characterisation. idk if it’s gatwa or the writers or the directors or..#but i just feel like there’s something a bit missing. like you completely forget he’s meant to be 2500 years old or whatever the numbers are#mmm. well the whole thing is probably about to get cancelled anyway#oh well. maybe in ten years or so enough time will have passed for them to actually let new writers have a turn#oh ALSO the new disney look is. not for me. i miss when it was a bit shabby#and i am still a hater of the new tardis. sorry. its too empty. he lives in there where’s all his stuff!!!!!!
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I just wanna say that I LOVE all the detail you’re giving side/background characters. My favorite part of wc is getting to read about generations passing by, watching the young scrappy main character turn into the next main character’s funny grandparent or something. Canon is really bad about acknowledging this but god, you’ve done such a good job with BB. Reading about Jaypaw and Owlpaw’s rivalry knowing the life Owlpaw is going to go on to live in the background later is so cool. Imagine an alternate universe where BB was the real warrior cats and 14 year old you reads a scene where some background character is casually mentioned and realizing it’s that guy Jaypaw beat the shit out of. Shit like that doesn’t happen in canon, they would forget who Owlpaw is and he would never do anything else in his life.
The one thing that WC has over any other xenofiction brand, and most other book series period, is the fact that you are able to watch several GENERATIONS of characters pass by in basically in real-time. So it's a shame that they kinda neglect it in the main series!
I LOVE when WC does do neat things with its cast, like how Harepaw gets trounced by Brambleclaw in Po3 and becomes Leader later. Or how Firestar's recurring background buddy, Onewhisker, became a major character in TNP and beyond. It's honestly a major reason I still follow the books, and why I've never found something that quite scratches the itch like WC does.
Unfortunately, it's ridiculously rare outside of WindClan LMAO. Owlpaw DID get forgotten. He was one of Jaypaw's bullies in his canon training, but then the writers lost track of his age and made him an apprentice on a patrol Tigerheart was giving a lesson to in a field guide; problem is, Tigerheart is younger than him!
Which is not too big a deal, dgmw, but my point is that they forgot. ShadowClan in particular is really lacking in-canon, especially considering they're the neighbor of ProtagonistClan. Ivytail and Owlclaw were part of the Po3 apprentice generation and should have been at least a little relevant going foward, y'know?
I desperately crave the Clans feeling like communities. With petty drama, watching characters gain skill and shuffle around the ranks, every family struggling with how they define their legacy under the emblem of the Clan, that sort of stuff. So that's how I approach it.
#It's actually something I really wish Ratha did#Because like... the structure is perfect for it.#And it's almost told that way with every book essentially introducing a new 'invention' or beast to tame#But unfortunately we're ''stuck'' with Ratha and her loser ass boyfriend.#(Ill die salty they didn't just let the nimravids be an aromantic species)#If i had a nickel for every time a xenofiction series about the stone age invented monogamy like a technological advancement...#id have 2 nickels.#which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened twice#also to be clear i love ratha still. Both the series and ratha herself this is not ratha hate tags#Bone babble#Anyway thank u
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"Did no one watch Terminator? Did no one watch I Robot?" EVERYONE DID! Did YOU watch or read anything other than Hollywood blockbusters to form your entire opinion and expectations of future reality around? For fuck's sake shut the fuck up
#I hate those people so fucking much#it's always Skenet or I Robot#it's not even to say «ai is totally not a dangerous technology» it's just that I'm sick and tired of people trating these two movies that#aren't even that good as the only and the most significant pieces of science fiction ever created on the topic#it's impossible to open any comment section under any video news article or a post about recent news about robotics or artificial#intelligence without all the people just parroting «did no one watch I Robot?»#At least people stopped bringing up ihnmaims at every occasion#ai
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zesty lowkey just another way for str8 ppl to say faggot / faggy and get away with it
#and im sick of letting them#cus why my lil nephew not even ten yet saying that and 'acting 'zesty' ' with his friends#i hate sounding like a boomer like i value the upside of technology#but u give humans / ANYONE rlly a chance to relax and a lot will turn it into laziness / neglect just because they can#like it's good to spread awareness but it's maybe likeeee. Not a good thing to spread statements/stereotypes with no further explanation#and peddle it to CHILDREN#whose comprehensions skills are. surprise. that of a CHILD'S#i say this ironically. btw#'oh im so mature for my age' no bro ure an immature HUMAN whos being forced to immaturely consider urself mature#due to the nature of ur relationships and homelife (or more-so the lack/negatives of them)#like it's ok to be a little stupid#as long as u keep trying to improve instead of just sitting in fault#or acting like they dont exist#anyways this got off topic but ya. crazy#kids have been killing each other n crazy shit like that but lately the crazy murder stories have HEAVILY leaned into#a misunderstanding of materialism#instead of just 'i wonder what it feels like' it's 'she took my ipad & also i wonder what it feels like'#like the first was already scary enough & now we've got this shit???#empathy is going thru a downside and we need to adjust the scales back!!!#im not gonna act like this is some new never seen b4 onset of fear impacting a generation after mine#bcs it's not never seen before in LIFE.. it's just never been seen b4 in UR life. which can feel like LIFE LIFE bcs like. uve only got one#that u may be cognizant of or etc religion aspect insert here. the point is. history repeats itself. but the points of history#can vary in visibility. some events get more notice than others bcs history's voice is ppl & actions & sometimes that gets erased#this isnt some bastardization point of one generation. but it IS a flaw that can show up in any gen (usually the oncoming ones)#bcs changes can be comfort & discomfort & the one u'd usually consider negative isnt always#anyways what im trying to say is. we need empathy back up period. always. we need empathy#lack of it is concerning. end of argument
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hi im ranting (positively! this game kills me but in a good way) about breath of the wild again
i know it's controversial but i love the way the story of the game is told. because you start the game in the middle, perhaps near the end, of the story. the game is entirely through link's perspective and he wakes up knowing and remembering nothing. in turn, the player starts off knowing nothing. the past is revealed as the story goes along, and the player learns about the past and about the land as link does. there are little tidbits about hyrule and about the calamity scattered across the land. an old woman in hateno village tells you of an age of desolation that she grew up in. the travellers you see on the road are younger people because they're described by older characters as more bold, whereas the older characters grew up being told to never leave the village, it's too dangerous outside (compare this even to tears of the kingdom, where travellers are more common because the land has been safer. even older characters have left their home to travel elsewhere (not including the lurelin villagers)). battlefields are still strewn with old rusty weapons and deactivated guardians that no one but monsters will go near. myths and legends about the princess and hero have been passed down, to the point where their legitmacy is questioned and everyone has a different opinion on them.
it's environmental storytelling. it's things like seeing drawings and a bow in zelda's study and seeing a child reading a storybook with a hero that wears a blue tunic similar to link's. it's the stories that the villagers share about old myths that turn out to be true. it's the ruins scattered across the land, long since overtaken by monster camps but still unmistakably being houses that people once lived in. it's the utter lack of civilization anywhere remotely near the castle and the feeling of dread in the ruins of the town that surrounds it. it's a kingdom entrenched in its past, with no ability to move away from it until the calamity is finally defeated.
#head into the wall. i love this game so much#legend of zelda#breath of the wild#and no i dont hate totk for getting rid of the sheikah tech and replacing it with zonai tech#the zonai tech is foreign and new to the people of hyrule and theyre EXCITED about it#how many zonai researchers are there in totk vs how many sheikah researchers in botw?#people are wary of the technology that destroyed their home a century ago#and they're terrified of the guardians that still roam the land#i still hold that link likely was behind the reason why the shrine of resurrection was completely dismantled#it's kinda like majora's mask in which half of the story is in the side quests and the characters#mm had a plot yeah but it kind of accompanied the rest of the setting#link had a goal but he also had so many people to talk to#botw is similar. link has a goal in mind but he's also one to help others#and if someone literally just lost their chickens or if their husband is sick and needs medicine. he's willing to help them out#the world is just as important as the plot itself and i think i like that more#than just a linear plot which is accompanied by the world#botw totk and mm reward you for exploring#(along with some of the others like twilight princess and a link between worlds)#but it's very different i think when half of the game is about exploring#or more than half even. you have your goal but you have to get there first#and there are so many ways you can get there and so much you can encounter along the way#biting screaming crying#the bow is in zelda's room but close enough
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The difference in college freshmen year vs every other year is astounding. When I was a freshman I wrote out my full schedule with like colored pens that included time, course code, professor, location etc and ordered all my textbooks ahead of time. This year it's like classes start tomorrow and I couldn't tell you where any of them are. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I briefly looked to see what classes required textbooks but whether or not I ordered them is a completely different story. I decided to swap out one of my classes like three days before classes start. Last year I accidentally slept through registration
#blogging on the blog site#and in true college fashion I am setting up my new computer the night before classes start#because I hate setting up new technology so bad#I don't give a shit about registration anymore as far as I'm concerned so many new classes open up after you register#and you have two weeks to add or drop classes that new slots are opening up constantly#that you can sleep through registration (like I did) and still end up with a perfect schedule#college
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we need to kill phone companies i think. until they learn to stop trying to be innovative. it's all shit. you know it's shit. it's all made in order to sell more shit which is why it keeps being made. and i'm so mad. like surely there should be regulations abt it AND YET
#i need to buy a new phone and i'm scared.#will fight for my life to find one with an earphones jack but it's like earphones with this type of thing are sold anymore anyway 🥲🥲🥲#bro i hate the future everything is made to be inconvenient and you can't even buy convenience anymore either#(not that you should but. my point is. there is literally no escape from the inconvenience if you *do* have the money to spare)#(bc everything is designed to suck. for some ungodly reason. atp it's not even to sell more things bc all those extra things also suck)#sorry my mom is reorganizing the house bc she's bored and found old chargers she can't even use bc she doesn't have cables for them.#and it made me upset bc who the fuck asked for the double ended usb-c cable. what is it for. other than selling more stuff forever#are they even gaining money from it if everyone buys knockoffs anyway 😭😭😭 like what#every time i think abt the current state of technology i get soooooo mad.
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uhhhgggggggg ok i really need to learn how to mod. i used to use DAI mod manager for VERY simple additions, but have never wanted to deal with frosty (having to open another app just to launch a game. infuriates me for some inexplicable reason. i just dont like it.)... but i want to mod the frescoes AND most importantly i would like to put little kissy marks over the tadpoles like so
#ramblings#jade plays dav#like theres few things i hate more than Technology. and having to learn how to do something new on it#i do NOT like the idea of editing game stuff it terrifies me but also i have Desires#electric aqueous tadpoles#sluge#sluge lizard
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ATTENTION GEN Z, I know we hate poetry, but please, if you've ever felt alone, or hated technology, or hated Gen Alpha, please read this, repost, do whatever, but please, this was written for all of you <3
The news this morning
Was talking about how we go to Chat GPT
For therapy
And advice
And my mother said it’s just because we don’t know how
To communicate face to face
When why should we?
You shoved an iPad into our faces
The second we were old enough to comprehend it
You put on the TV
And we believed the characters were speaking live
And they could see us
Through those pixels
Why shouldn’t we turn to a computer
To give us answers
When it’s that that gave us the issues to begin with?
Why shouldn’t we
Chat with a computer
About nothing and everything
When it is that
That made us feel so isolated?
People wonder
Why we’re so concerned about Gen Alpha
And it’s obvious
When we think about it
It’s not because they’re growing up too fast
It’s because we know what it’s like
To have wires shoved into our veins
And now
Now they were born with them
Already pulsing through their blood
We don’t want them to make the same mistakes we did
But I think it’s too late,
They’re already turning into what we don’t want
Anyone
To ever be
And it’s scary to watch,
We know what technology has done to us
And we don’t want to watch anyone else
Succumb to it like we did
We are the last generation
Who went outside to play
And know what birds sound like
And wish to break their phones
We are the last generation
That will ever
Ever
Have a normal childhood
Now we can just watch
As the depression rates get higher
And more young children know what suicide is
Too early
And learn how to self harm
And lose their innocence
And be scared of men
And not care for dolls
We are scared of them
But we’re scared for them
Of course we turn to AI to talk to
Our parents don’t get it,
They can barely find opening hours for a shop,
While we can find a 10-step guide on how to murder,
Or build a bomb,
And guides on how to manipulate your body
And everything is at our fingertips
This is generational trauma that they have created
We can watch someone shooting their brains out
And we can receive photos from anyone
And why do we know what everything we shouldn’t worry about is?
We had COVID
And we turned to screens
And went on TikTok
And created trends
And it felt like a community
Until everyone was there
And we couldn’t do anything
And we got addicted
And we can’t turn back
We started with chat rooms
And we found like minded-people
And it was always “sweetie, be careful of creeps on the internet”
And now it’s just
“Be in bed by 10”
But we’ll keep scrolling
And we all have friends who live half the world away
And if you mention that
Someone has to ask if you’ve called yet
And “have you seen their face?”
We can look at anything
There are guides for everything
We know where Kim K was two minutes ago
And why do I feel pressure to always have something on my story?
We talk to robots
Because no adults will ever know
How sick we feel
Before we go on our phones
No adults can know
How we’ve seen every scar
And depression become a trend
And we have to use the hashtag actuallyautistc
No adults will know
How there are video essays on anything
And we shouldn’t know about everyone that has been raped
Or murdered
And we shouldn’t have wikihow
On how to be attractive
It started as a joke,
How stupid is this thing I found?,
But we keep reading it
And we start to believe it
Why would we read books?
Technology is constantly advancing
Everything is irrelevant in months
And we must be careful not to be cancelled
And a dress can divide a nation
We don’t want to watch Gen Alpha
Leap so blindy into their screens
Trusting what they read,
We want to keep it for us,
We have to live with it,
And as much as they suck,
It is our fault for staying
And posting everything
We are a sad generation with happy pictures
And a face full of makeup
And we’re just perpetuating stereotypes
And you can’t like something unless you’re obsessed
We can know the cure for any medical condition
But there is no guide on how to destory our screens
And lives
And I know I’m fifteen
But this is ruining mine,
And so many others' lives.
We don’t want to see little kids
On their mums phones
And my mother defends it,
Saying mums just need a minute to breathe,
But please
Anything else
I don’t want to see a baby already addicted to CocoMelon
We don’t want to see
More people falling into a hole
And we know it’s why we’re sad
But nobody else should have to go through it,
That’s for us,
That’s an us problem
I saw a six year old
Using Drunk Elephant
And swearing in her GRWM
And none of that is fair,
How are we letting this slide?
But we can’t do anything
Because we don’t want to admit there’s a problem
We can learn anything about Hitler
And anything about Meryl Streep
And it can be within the same two fucking clicks
I remember
When my age on TikTok clocked over to 15
A few days before my actual birthday
And it was then
That all I saw was suicide notes,
And self harm scars
And how to hide things from your parents guides
And abuse stories
There was no going back,
Every other person whose a teenage girl on the app
Is probably met with the same things as me
The algorithm
Is designed to show you a positive video
Every few scrolls
Just to keep you hooked,
And it works,
It’s a science,
It works to a T
We can know where any friend is
And read receipts plague us
And anything will be screenshot
And used against you
School thought taking away our phones
Would fix this,
Like it’s a magical cure,
When all it’s teaching us
Is how addicted we are,
And how best to hide an earbud
And we need music to concentrate!
Or course we do,
We have constant stimulation
It is never quiet
There is always a voice talking
We are getting mad at kids for being on a phone
When we all know
We’re just mad that it is actually happening
And we can’t warn them
And no one will listen
Because how could it be that bad?
In ten years
People who grew up with technology
Are going to end up with something like PTSD
Because we can’t let go of it
We can’t put it down,
We can get an essay written for us in seconds,
And Dall-E can make anything for us
So of course we’ll talk to AI,
It’s better than talking to a real person
And acting like we’re okay,
We’d rather sit behind a screen
And control sims
And listen to music
So we can’t hear our minds
Every time I scroll through
I’m met with tales of girls who get killed by their fathers,
Every time I scroll through
I’m showen another 7 second video
With sad litte text
On sad little faces
We want to escape,
We want to tear our veins out,
Rip the wires,
Shove them back in to our body
After we re-wire our brains,
Of course,
Because we can diagnose ourselfs with any mental illness
That we see fit
Because there has to be something wrong with you
We will never go back,
It is impossible
We have Whispers from Pinterest
And sad purple quotes
Lining our camera roll
Which should highlight our happy moments
But is just videos of us crying
It has ruined relationships,
How dare we follow another guy,
How dare he like another girl's photo?
We have our music right there
We don’t have to learn lyrics,
We can play any instrument,
We must like Taylor Swift,
We must have Kanye West
Everything is a trend
And your clothes must match your aesthetic
And you have to be funny
Or smart
Or creative
And how dare we burn out?
How dare we burn out
When if we didn’t rot in our beds
Scrolling aimlessly
Would solve half our problems?
There is no fix now,
We have to watch them grow up
Knowing they’ll ask what this-big-word is
Before they’re even five
Because an ad came up on mummy’s phone
And “what’s a vape?”
And “am I fat?”
All we can do now
Is listen to our sad songs
And act like social media
Didn’t ruin our perceptions
On everything.
#poetry#writer#writeblr#gen z#gen z culture#gen alpha#poets on tumblr#the problem with technology#i'm only fifteen#i'm not okay#i'm so tired#long poem#long post#young poets#fuck the internet#i want to throw my phone against a wall#i hate this generation#spilled words#spilled ink#new year 2024#2024#2000 babys#original poem#i hate the internet#who reads hashtags#ThisIsMyNameNowPoetry
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AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA I FORGOT THE REASON I STOPPED USING THESE FUCKING BLUETOOTH HEADPHONESIS BECAUSE MY PCS BLUETOOTH CONSTANTLY JUST STOPS WORKING COMPLETELY FOR NO REASON!!!! TO THE POINT OF ME HAVING TO UNPLUG MY PC FROM THE WALL TO GET IT TO WORK AGAIN!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
#I LOVE BREAKING TECHNOLOGY I LOVE THAT MY CHOICE BETWEEN HEADPHONES IS HEADPHONES THAT DONT HAVE A WORKING MIC#LITERALLY **ONLY** DURING DISCORD CALLS#OR HEADPHONES THAT WILL BREAK MY FUCKING BLUETOOTH DRIVER IN MY PC HAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHA#THANK YOUUUUU CHEAP PIECE OF PLASTIC FOR BREAKING ON MY GOOD HEADPHONES!!!! CAUSING THEM TO THEN COMPLETELY FUCKING B REAK AND STOP WORKING#3 DAYS LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#its fine. its fine. its fine. its fine.#<shaking> its fine.#its fine. i will have to buy new headphones i guess. eventually.#i cannot cope with using these bluetooth headphones on anything other than my phone because they fuck up my pc And laptop for reason si don#know#and my razer headphones require me to plug in my fucking guitar hero microphone to talk to my friends which is also annoying as hell becaus#i dont have any sort of Mic Stand for it.#it will. be fine. one day#looks off into the distance#<choosing positivity> at least this gives me a reason to buy new headphones (ive been wanting new headphones bc my good ones#(the ones that broke)#have had the. pleather...? flaking off for several months and its been bothering me)#(but thats not nearly a good enough reason to replace them)#so. thers that.#i love buying new things also. so it works out. haha.#well i hate the act o fbuying things but i love the feeling of being able to use new things#posting
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My Simulation assignment for my 3D Animation & Rigging class.
Yeet the boi.
#splish splash#this took FOREVER to make#i swear technology hates me personally#every time i thought i had things figured out#a new problem would come up#i had to scrap and remake this thing so many times#worth it#i'm so proud of how this turned out#my art#iamblueraspberry art#my animation#animation#iamblueraspberry animates#autism creature#tbh creature#tbh#yippee#pool#water simulation#3d animation
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Had a moment of listening to music I liked back when I was a teenager (& still like) and having a whole. Realization . That I like myself as I am now sooooo much better than I like teenage me. And I started thinking about Why.
There's a lot to it I'm pretty sure, & most of it centers around the fact that I just... didn't really know who I was as a person. I didn't really have hobbies outside of what I did in school (aka orchestra) and like. Video games + anime. I did creative writing in middle school, but dropped off in high school for... some reason? I still made original characters and played around with them a lot, but it was mostly just in drawing and thinking about them. I never actually *wrote*, and I in fact didn't get back into creative writing at all until I was 23 years old. I was someone who had spent so long hiding behind others and just doing what I was told that I just... didn't have any real direction. I didn't know what I even *wanted*. I thought I knew, but in hindsight, I can confidently say that I didn't. I was just an insecure teen drifting through life and not thinking about things beyond what was immediately in front of me. Which is pretty standard for teenagers I guess, but not all of them. Not at all.
Compared to now, where I have Many hobbies, most notably being writing. As I am now, I am just Intrinsically a writer. And it's weird to remember that I wasn't even really *writing* before 5 years ago (besides text rps, which did a lot for developing my writing skill! But still aren't a replacement for writing individually). As a teen, I wasnt into dnd, I was incredibly out of shape, & I was a lot less aggressive and focused. I was the type to avoid sports!!! I hated them!!!! But as I am now, I Love biking and can easily bike for an hour+ no problem (I remember being a teen and trying to go on just 10 minute bike rides in the summer and just *dying* from it), & I love working out. I wanna be strong!!! I LOVE being strong!!! And I was an absolute mess with things like public speaking & working in groups, vs now where I can do an impromptu presentation no problem & I'm often the unofficial leader in group projects bc im typically the one who does the organizing and allotments of work. A side effect of working as a supervisor and then assistant manager for so long. I have a lot more confidence in my perceptions and judgements, & I have the self-assurance to assert these things. And this is only really the tip of the iceberg with all the differences.
I just feel like an entirely different person, almost. The cores are the same, or at least damn near similar, with the things I want out of life & the sorts of things I enjoy, but it's like. The difference between finding a random rock off the side of the road & then that rock when it's been sanded and carved and decorated to be something individual and unique. You look at them side by side and it's something dull vs something shiny and intricate. The origins can't be ignored and dismissed, & I certainly would never resent younger me for just doing the best with what I knew at the time. But it's just astounding how much difference time and experience will have for growing and developing as a person. Things I consider integral to my personhood weren't even thoughts in my mind back then. We are almost entirely different people.
#speculation nation#under readmore bc I just got contemplative. not negative really either.#ultimately it's that kind of thing of like. college & all my experiences within it have done a LOT for developing who i am as a person.#i wouldnt be nearly so comfortable with public speaking if it werent for how many speech classes ive taken over the years.#but it's also the fact that i was working to figure out who i was during college that made me fumble it so hard.#i wanted to be an engineer. can you believe it? i was so CERTAIN of it as a teenager. but it was only really bc of the family i have/had#that are/were engineers. i didnt have personal interest in it. it was just the Thing To Do.#so i got to college and i *hated* it and i had to take several years to figure out what i actually Wanted.#i realized pretty quickly that i wanted to focus on computers after my first coding class. but thats so BROAD#and computer science wasnt for me either. i fucking hated computer science. but computer information & technology??#this is my shit. and honestly it's so weird to remember that just 10 years i knew very little about computers#and now ill be sitting in my web programming class & theyre talking about javascript and loops and such within it#and im just zoning tf out bc Yeah Yeah do while loops ive heard it a million times before. arrays?? yeah whatever i got it#but back in 2016 i had to learn these things for the first time!!! it was entirely new to me!!! teenage me didnt KNOW#so me being a computer person with a specialization in business and hobbies of writing and biking and dnd. i had NONE of those things!!!#i didnt even collect knives!!!!! granted thats mostly bc i Couldnt buy many of them yet + i also didnt have much money lol#bc i never even worked a job until i got to college. that's also unimaginable to me. imagine not knowing what it's like to Work...#i remember getting $500 or so in graduation gifts after graduating high school & my mind was just Blown#had never had that much money before. it was crazy to me. meanwhile with a job paying every other week $500 was a *low* paycheck.#but i also have to pay bills and rent and buy food and all this stuff. also things i didnt have to worry about back then. ALSO weird.#idk theres a lotta bullshit i gotta deal with as an adult but i like who i am now so much better. feel so much more *myself*#than just a directionless teenager waiting for someone to tell them what to do.#it's amazing what 10 years will do for your development as a person. absolutely wild.
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