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#I have no energy to write anything long:(( m so tired and broke and sad
matchamiko · 21 days
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Teaching Dabi how to eat pussy the way you like it but he’s so desperately sloppy and messy about it that you just hump his face with one hand gripping his hair and the other tight on your own throat.
He’s inexperienced, mostly, he doesn’t give often if not at all to the partners he’s had in the past, few and far between; but then you came along and all of a sudden he’s offering and begging and demanding. He’s so used to seeing pussy eating in porn, in magazines that he’s got no rhythm, no method, no thought behind his guzzling and slurping and biting. So when you anchor yourself to him with a frustrated little whine, lifting your hips and grinding smoothly and sweetly against his tongue and his nose; Touya swears sees new colours and hears new sounds. The wet click of your cunt against his lips and chin, the shuddering of your thighs either side of his head, your mumbles and gasps against your constricted throat, and your encouraging praises of him just staying right there, just like that Touya. He cums loud and wet as he looks up at you through his lashes, half angry that you’re not teaching him like you said but half insane over the state of you, using him to your heart’s content.
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browniefox · 1 year
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Meet Me on the Horizon - Chapter 1: The First Death
Anura knew she was dying.
After the craziest, most insane, most dangerous, and maybe (definitely) the best month of her life, she was dying from something as simple as a bad fall.
Okay, maybe saying it was a ‘bad fall’ was a little simplistic. It left out getting cornered against a cliff, Anura having to stand at the back of the trio. Meri and Demergat, far more experienced and skilled fighters, were forced once more to try and keep her safe. Meri had her twin blades out, red with heat and she spun around, deflecting attacks but not doing much attacking. Demergat was the opposite with his great sword, purple poisonous magic running along the edges as he tried to slice into the enemies around them, the Corona drawing nearer. Anura could only keep track of their belongings, her shield held up to defend herself as best as she could.
ANd then she’d taken a step too far back, and a blast of energy had hit at the right moment, and she’d gone over the edge.
Now, she laid there, broken bones and bleeding out, staring upwards. The sounds of the fight was distant and hard to make sense of, impossible to track who was winning or losing. She prayed to the Night that Meri and Demergat would be okay. Anura closed her eyes, hoping the pain wouldn’t last long. It was excruciating, each breath a conscious effort. Her body was already feeling distant, like a separate thing from herself. She hoped that not too may of their supplies had been ruined; how terrible for Meri and Demergat if they had to replace everything.
She wasn't sure how long she laid there, but she was next aware of a hand on her face, so warm, and desperate whispers.
“Please, please no, come on, Anura please, please,”
Anura’s eyes fluttered and then she finally managed to reopen them. She was so tired. Above her was Meri. Brown eyes so bright they could’ve been golden stared at her with worry and sadness. Curly and thick blonde hair was pulled back into a ponytail that looked more like a dandelion, much of it freed from the confines after the battle, some of it stuck to her face with sweat.
“M-Mer-” Anura started and broke off into a hoarse cough that made all the pain spike worse.
“Shshshs, don’t talk, it’s going to- you’re going to be alright, Anura, I promise. I promised I’d get you home, you’re going to be okay,” Meri’s words were quiet and rushed, as if, if she spoke too loud, Anura would disappear. Maybe Anura would.
“Meride, don’t lie to her.” Demergat crouched into Anura’s line of view. Dark green eyes inspected Anura. Just when she had come around to trusting those green eyes, she was going to leave, it would seem. His hair was still in its long braid, but like Meri, many strands had broken free to make it messy and leave him looking disheveled. To the untrained eye, it looked black, but with all the time that Anura had spent with Demergat, she could see it for the dark shade of purple, infected by his magic, that it was.
“She’s going to be fine!” Meri snapped, raised voice so jarring that Anura flinched.
“M-Meri, please,” Anura lifted a shaking hand to claw at Meri’s arm. Anura’s arm felt wrong, unwilling to move as she wanted it to. Every second she held Meri, the pain grew, but she needed Meri to listen to her. “M-Meri, tell, tell my family that I, I’m sorry I never, never-” Anura broke off into a cough.
“Tell them yourself!” Meri begged. Anura shook her head.
“...” Demergat didn’t say anything, just continued to stare down at dying Anura.
Mom and Dad, she hadn’t seen them in months. She’d written a letter when she’d left the tavern, but had put off writing another throughout the entire journey. Now, she wished she had said at least something. Something about what to do if she didn’t make it, or to write that she loved them one last time, or some kind of advice that her siblings would’ve appreciated.
It was too late, though. The world was over for Anura.
Anura let out one last breath.
Above her, Meri hung her head, and with the sun behind her it looked like the woman caught on fire as she howled in sorrow. Anura’s entire being was consumed in light.
And she died.
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jalapeno-princess · 3 years
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You Weren’t Mine to Lose
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Mark Tuan X Reader
Word Count: 9.4K
Genre: Angst
Warning: Mentions of sex, cheating
Summary: You made the mistake of falling in love with someone who was never yours to begin with. What started off as a one night stand turned in to months of sneaking around with each other and devoting most of your time and energy to a man who was already in a relationship. However, the high you get from fooling around with Mark is the only thing that’s been keeping you from going completely insane. But what happens when lust turns to love?
A/N: Hey guys, so I have good news and bad news. Let’s start with the bad news, I had to get a second job (On top of my teaching job and being a full time college student) so this means I won’t be able to write as much as I normally do (I haven’t even started on my new series just yet and I’m sorry for those who are anticipating it I have no clue when I will actually get around to writing it) but the good news is I have two stories prepared to post within the next few weeks so there’s that to look forward to. I hope you’re all doing well, especially after the news of Yugyeom signing with another company but honestly, I am so happy for him. If all seven of them end up leaving the company entirely, good for them. They deserve so much better than the shit excuse of a company JYPE is and I support each and every single member in all of their endeavors and plans for the future. With that being said, happy reading. (Based on August by Taylor Swift). 
Salt air, and the rust on your door I never needed anything more Whispers of "Are you sure?" "Never have I ever before"
But I can see us lost in the memory August slipped away into a moment in time 'Cause it was never mine And I can see us twisted in bedsheets August sipped away like a bottle of wine 'Cause you were never mineYour back beneath the sun Wishin' I could write my name on it Will you call when you're back at school? I remember thinkin' I had you
But I can see us lost in the memory August slipped away into a moment in time 'Cause it was never mine And I can see us twisted in bedsheets August sipped away like a bottle of wine 'Cause you were never mine
Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose You weren't mine to lose, no
“Fuck—go faster, please—M—Mark, I need you to go faster—sh—shit shit, just like that.” 
Mark Tuan, ever the gentleman did as he was told. However, he would do anything you asked of him during moments like this, God knows he wanted it too. His cock felt so wonderful grazing against your tight, sopping walls. His hardened tip continuously hit the back of your cervix, kissing it with each and every thrust. 
The two of you were going at it for almost an hour now; both of you reached your highs after giving each other mind blowing head—but you had yet to come together. You edged him three times, riding him until his cum reached the tip of his cock only to lift yourself off of him, earning you a scowl and the sexiest grunts of frustration. 
He left multiple slap marks on your ass; letting you know that he wasn’t going to let you have all power against him. No matter how much fun he’d have whenever you did dominate him and take over the sex session, he wasn’t letting you have all the fun tonight. There was sweat dripping down both your bodies—his entire body was warm with fervor as he continued to leave multiple hickeys along the valley of your breasts. 
His breath was hot against your neck as he tried his best to conceal his moans; it was surprising, his room had no echo whatsoever—yet, the many sinful noises falling from his mouth and yours bounced off the walls along with the sound of skin on skin slapping against each other. His thrusts were relentless as he picked up his pace; pumping in to you as if he was trying to punish you for being naughty. His pelvis ramming against your bare cheeks made a loud crack sound each time he pulled out and shoved himself back inside of you. 
It was addicting; feeling him bury himself balls deep inside of your pussy, but you were well aware that the sensation had an even bigger effect on him than it did you. Doggy style was Mark’s favorite position right next to watching you bounce up and down on him as your breasts jiggled all but gently. Something about being able to see his cock sliding so easily in to your tight walls drove the older boy fucking crazy. 
“Fuck y/n—so fucking tight as always baby. Tell me how it feels—I want to know that I’m driving you insane—“
“Feels—so good Mark—so, so good.” 
He hummed contently against the crook of your neck while picking up his pace if it was even possible. At this point, he was practically drilling himself inside of you; it came as a shock that you both still had yet to cum. On other occasions, you and Mark had no problem with reaching your highs with just your hands and mouths alone. Penetration was your favorite part of sex, so you had a feeling your body wanted to indulge in having Mark’s cock inside of your pussy for as long as you could have him for. 
“You feel so amazing y/n, I could fuck you for hours. I will never get tired of having your cunt wrapped around my dick. Please—tell me you’re close. I’m about to lose my damn mind here pretty soon.” You giggled softly against his chest; nodding in agreement while placing a few wet kisses near the sensitive spot right below his ear. 
“I’m close, so close—“
He bit softly against your collarbone, trying to hide the fact that he was seconds away from losing his will to do anything. You were just that mind blowing. Unfortunately, right as you were about to let the wave of lust consume your entire body like a wildfire, there was a new sound that filled the room. The piercing ring of a cellphone broke you out of your Mark induced haze. T
his wasn’t the first time his phone went off while the two of you were busy loving up on each other’s bodies; there were multiple situations where Mark had to cuss out his friends because they always seemed to try and get in touch with him at all the wrong times. There was even one night where he threw his phone at the wall because it wouldn’t stop ringing. When you felt Mark tense up at the blaring noise, you had a huge feeling you knew exactly who was on the other line. He looked up at you and released an exasperated sigh before doing the unthinkable. You wanted him to ignore it, just like he did almost every single time, but he tapped gently on your thigh; as if he was nonverbally asking for you to put your late night romp on pause. 
“Mark, are you fucking serious—“
“It’ll just be a minute, tops. I promise. No funny business, please.” 
To your dismay, he reached for his phone and answered the call. It was tempting—the idea of palming his naked sex, fondling his balls or even grinding your wet folds against his thigh—you knew you would get some kind of reaction out of him. Mark was a very sensitive person; physically and mentally. It didn’t take much for him to cry; emotionally and sexually. 
He cried in front of you more times than you could count on your fingers. Whether it was because of a sad movie, when school could get a little too much for him to handle or the time he got the news that his grandfather was diagnosed with stage three lung cancer, he didn’t hesitate to pour out his feelings in front of you. You felt special knowing that you were one of the very few people who’d get to see that side of Mark; his soft, gentle, fragile side. Not the confident, overbearing and egotistical asshole he’d portray himself out to be on campus. 
During the times you would find yourself on your knees, milking him dry of his white, creamy liquid and making sure his legs would wobble by the end of the night, he’d always cry out in pleasure while begging you to do something—anything to help soothe the pleasurable soreness you caused to his lower body. You knew you’d be treading in rough waters if you did tease him in any way while he was on the phone with her, but you were coming to the point where you didn’t even care if she were to find out anymore. 
“Hello? Hey, what’s up? Everything okay?” 
You laughed sarcastically in disbelief—what was so important that couldn’t wait a few more minutes? Something had to be wrong with Mark—who in their right mind would put a halt on fulfilling their carnal urges just to answer the damn phone? You rolled your eyes in irritation—it’s because she was the one trying to get in touch with him. His girlfriend of a year and a half, Aubrey. 
You never understood why Mark continued to fool around with you when he had a girlfriend. What started off as a one night stand at a house party one of his friends threw a little over five months ago turned in to a dangerous affair between the two of you. For the longest time, you knew nothing of the girl in question; Mark was really good at hiding her existence. 
He never told you that he was in a relationship, you didn’t see her at any party or gathering nor did you get a chance to see her around school. But that was because she was his girlfriend from back home. He only saw her during breaks or if she flew up to see him, but for most of their relationship—they were long distance. That was the only plausible reason you believed he allowed this relationship or whatever it was between the two of you to continue. 
One day, you were playing games on Mark’s phone when she sent him a message, asking him what he was doing. At first, you just assumed it was a friend of his or maybe even a classmate, but then, she told him that she missed him and told him to call her when he had the chance. You confronted him in anger; sure, you found it completely weird that he continued to see you—especially for more than just sex. The two of you couldn’t even be considered fuck buddies—no, not when you’d go to sleep wrapped tightly in his warm embrace only to wake up in the morning to his signature gummy smile and stinky morning breath. 
You’d go on cute little dates—or what you assumed were dates. He’d hold your hand and compliment you on your beauty and whatever outfit you put together that day. He’d call you if he couldn’t sleep, he’d pick you up from and drop you off to school, he’d cook you food if he noticed that you were tired and he even made a playlist of songs that reminded him of you; albeit, most of them were meant for when the two of you would stumble in to bed together, but it also contained songs that were more heartfelt and romantic. 
You had a hard time understanding why you were letting him continue to use you. You hated cheaters with a passion; you’ve seen homewreckers ruin multiple marriages within your family and the idea of someone in a relationship fooling around with another person made your skin crawl—yet here you were, fucking with another girl’s boyfriend. You went against all your beliefs and every single rule you were taught to follow just for the devastatingly handsome and sweet talking man sitting right in front of you. 
Honestly, you felt bad for his girlfriend. It was obvious that Mark meant a lot to her. She would constantly text him and send him pictures of what she’d be eating or if she went somewhere the two of them used to frequent. You felt horrible; Aubrey seemed like such a sweet girl and she was completely oblivious to the fact that there was someone else involved in Mark’s life. There were so many times you wanted to call it quits with Mark, you couldn’t keep fooling around with him considering the fact that he had someone at home who loved him—almost as much as you did. 
When you first found out that you weren’t the only one, you should have told him it was over. You should have told him that you weren’t the kind of person who was fine with committing adultery nor did you want to be the other woman—you were a firm believer in monogamous relationships but you didn’t have the strength to tell him no when he began to leave wet, sloppy kisses all along your jaw. You were in deep and you despised the fact that you were so hooked on to him. Mark was everything you could ever want in a significant other; not only was he the most attractive man you have ever laid your eyes on, but he was soft-spoken and gentle towards you. 
At school, he was a cocky prick; his group of friends were some of the most popular guys at your university. It seemed as though every student either wanted to be them, be friends with them or to be with them. But when the two of you were alone, his demeanor would take a 360 degree turn. Sometimes, you’d find it hard to believe that he had two personalities; one meant for his friends and everyone he associated himself with and another one meant for you and only you. It got you thinking though, how did he act when he was with Aubrey? 
Did he treat her the way he did you? Was he protective over her? Could she make him laugh the way you seemingly never failed to? Did he get flustered by a single smile or graze of her fingers against his arm? Was he constantly checking up on her to see how her day was going? He hardly ever talked to her when the two of you were together and seeing as how most of your free time was spent with him, you wondered when he had the chance to call her. 
There were only two instances where he answered her phone call when you were hanging out together. He always gave you an apologetic frown while taking the call and it was when you heard him tell her that he loved her that you knew, you were in love with him. It felt like a painful jab to the chest—for months, you’ve been lying to yourself. 
I don’t love him, I just love who I am when I’m with him. I love how he takes such good care of me and how he fucks me so well. 
You’d repeat those words to yourself every single time that you’d get to see him. With every kiss he’d steal from the corner of your mouth or every smile and look of adoration he’d send your way, you began to feel something deep in your chest. Whenever he’d drop you home, you always felt so empty—like a piece of you went with him back to his place. 
Mark Tuan owned your heart; there was no doubt about it. You’ve been with quite a few guys in the last three years of college but none of them could ever make you feel as over the moon or as elated the way Mark so easily did. He made you so happy; your heart rate would increase rapidly just by the mere sight of him. His laughter—his high pitched, contagious laugh always seemed to send fire through your veins. For months, you tried to accept the fact that all you would ever be to Mark was a place to put his cock while he was away from his actual significant other. 
Maybe, he was only kind, affectionate and generous towards you because it was the only way to get you to stay by his side. If it were anyone else in your shoes, they probably would have given up on him once it was revealed that he was already in a relationship. 
How did he not feel even the smallest ounce of guilt rearranging your guts; pressing you up against his balcony and fucking you in to the next week knowing that his girlfriend was waiting patiently for him to graduate so they could finally be together? And how could he not feel remorse considering the fact that he brought you in to this mess? He was selfish; that you felt wholeheartedly was true. If he cared about you or Aubrey, he would have either broken up with her as soon as the two of you found yourselves falling in to bed together the first time, or he would have never even cheated on her in the first place. How could he continue this facade? How was he fine with playing not just his girlfriend, but you too? He probably didn’t think you held any romantic feelings for him and God—if only that was the truth. 
If you had the choice, you would go back to the beginning of your arrangement and made it your mission to have never fell in love with him. You would have made yourself immune to his endless flirting, you wouldn’t let yourself kiss him other than when you would have sex, you would have made sure that what went on with you and him was strictly physical. No feelings—No emotions—nothing. It was only natural for you to have felt something for him. If you knew back then what you currently know now, you would have never allowed him in to your life—in to your heart. 
You would have never let him tear down the walls you’ve built so high in attempts to keep people out. You would have never allowed him to take up your entire mind—you wouldn’t have given him your body if he wasn’t willing to take all of you. Who were you kidding? There was no regretting Mark Tuan. Even if you were given the chance to go back to the past, you wouldn’t change a thing. Mark Tuan was your person, whether you wanted to accept it or not. He was the rightful owner of your heart, even if you didn’t own his. You couldn’t really hear what she was saying over the phone, but Mark’s brows began to furrow; as if something bad happened. 
Since he was distracted, you took this time to pull away from him—retracting his cock from your now dry folds. Tears were brimming at your eyelids and you would rather die than give him a reason to inflate his ego. He’d have a field day if he found out that you were in love with him; that was the last thing you needed—the last thing he deserved. You would always come second to Audrey. He might have currently been in bed with you; his limbs tangled with yours—running his hands through your hair, tracing the outline of your features feather lightly, kissing every corner of your face, but at the end of the day, Aubrey had the rightful title of his girlfriend. Not you. Nor would it ever be you, even if they did break up one day. 
If Mark saw you as someone with more than just a casual fuck to him, then he would have solidified your relationship months ago. If he harbored any sort of feelings for you, he’d feel wrong telling another girl that he loved her.  Did he though? Did he love her? If he genuinely loved her or at least cared for her—especially because they were in a relationship together, he would never have cheated on her. 
When you love someone, you never want to put them in any kind of situation that would hurt them and you most definitely wouldn’t feel right giving yourself—your time, love, effort and energy to anyone else but that person. As soon as he saw you getting up from off the bed, he asked Aubrey to wait a minute and gave her the excuse that someone rung on his doorbell. You had to force yourself not to say or do anything that would get him in trouble with his girlfriend. 
“What are you doing? I said I’d be hanging up with her soon I’m literally about to end the call—“
“Don’t bother—I’m no longer in the mood anymore so you go finish up with her while I finish myself off.” 
You picked up your clothes from where they were thrown on the ground and headed over to the bathroom; locking the door before he could try and stop you or get you to change your mind. In the corner of your eye, you could see him attempt to follow you, but he must’ve stopped altogether once you shut the door. 
A choked up sob fell from your lips and you tried so hard to prevent any tears from falling, but it was inevitable. Why did you let this go on for so long? Mark was breaking your heart more and more as the days went on and you were the pathetic fool who continued to allow him in doing so. You were wrapped around his finger and there was nothing you could do about it. As soon as you put on all your clothes, you rinsed your face free of any tears and took a deep breath before returning outside. 
All you wanted to do was return back to your apartment. You needed some time to think out this entire arrangement. The idea of losing Mark—no longer having him in your life, no longer being able to kiss his pretty lips, to be held in his protective embrace, to hear him whisper sweet nothings while he passionately made love to you, it broke your heart. It was as if he had somewhat of a Stockholm syndrome hold on you. He was ruining you mentally; he was holding you captive and you weren’t able to leave him—nor did you willingly want to. At this point, you were fine with Mark taking advantage of your patience. All you wanted was him; in anyway you could have him. 
Once you felt like you gave yourself enough time to breathe and recollect your thoughts, you hesitantly made your way back in to his room and you were secretly hoping he’d still be occupied with Aubrey so you didn’t have to worry about him stopping you and questioning what just happened. If this were to happen in the beginning of your affair, you wouldn’t have let it got to you and you were sure you’d continue from where the two of you left off from; but now that there were feelings involved—specifically your feelings, there was no way you could pretend that nothing was wrong. That—you were fine with being a side chick who would drop anything and everything just to be at his beck and call. You were sure you’d spill everything; knowing the kind of person you were, you would probably tell him how and when your feelings of lust turned in to love and how you respected yourself a lot more now to continue staying with someone who technically belonged to another woman. 
He might not have seen her in a long while, but he continued to act like everything was fine between them. Not once has he ever told you exactly what she meant to him—she hardly ever came up in conversation. It’s as if he never wanted to bring her up and you understood that it was because Mark was well aware that as someone who was sleeping around with him, you probably wouldn’t want to hear about his girlfriend. To your dismay, he was no longer on the phone and he was sitting at the edge of the bed—still naked and waiting for you to come out. 
Right as his gaze landed on you, he leaped up from off the bed and made a beeline toward you. He tried to reach out to you, but you shook your head—you didn’t want to give him the benefit of the doubt. You were exhausted; he continued to take, take, take from you and although he was very generous in bed, he didn’t give the same amount of devotion in a romantic aspect. He didn’t fulfill your heart’s desires like he did with your lustful ones. 
“Where are you going baby—“
“Don’t. Don’t give me that baby shit Mark, you just got off the phone with your girlfriend for heaven’s sakes. I think it would be best for the both of us if I were to leave before I say or do something I will regret.”
“Wait—what are you even saying? What happened y/n? Why do you sound so upset? You knew exactly what you were signing up for as soon as we hooked up—“ 
You let out a scoff of disbelief. Was he being real right now? It was too late, you were going to let everything out tonight. If he ended up not reciprocating your feelings, then there was nothing you could do. These last six months opened your eyes to the reality that you were never going to mean as much to Mark the way he did to you. You could try anything; you could fuck him as much as both your time and energy permitted you to. You could do whatever it was he asked of you, but it would never be enough. You would never be enough. 
There was something Aubrey had that you didn’t; you couldn’t quite put your finger on it—it couldn’t have been because they have a longer history. Maybe he felt obligated to continue staying with her. Although you knew Mark like the back of your hand—you knew practically every little thing about him, there had to be some information that he left you in the dark about. Maybe their parents were friends and he just wanted to please the both of them by staying with her or maybe he genuinely liked her, but he had his desires that needed to be fulfilled and he was going to use you until they could finally be together again.
“I didn’t know anything you asshole! You kept Aubrey a secret from me for an entire fucking month. I shouldn’t have told you I was okay with continuing whatever it is that’s going on between you and I. It’s not fucking fair Mark, to her or to me. We were fucking when your girlfriend called! Does it not bother you in the least way that you’re playing the both of us? Do you not sit back and think that what you’re doing is wrong? Yes, I’m sleeping around with a man in a relationship, but you’re the one allowing it! You’re just as at fault here, so don’t try to make it seem like you’re not doing anything wrong! Admit it, you get off on some kind of high knowing that you have the ability to manipulate two different women. One who you call your girlfriend and one who you call when you need to get your dick wet. I don’t know who you think you are Mark, but I’m tired of being your puppet. I’m tired of giving you the ability to break me—to do whatever you want with me. I let it go all these months; I know it was wrong and I feel like such a bitch for getting involved with you knowing you have a girlfriend. I made a vow to myself never to do such a thing but look Mark—I’m a fucking mistress! I can’t blame you completely because I’m still here, but I need you to know that I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. With this—with you. Have a nice life, I no longer want to be apart of it.” 
You quickly grabbed your bag from his bedside table and stormed out of his room—if he were to come after you and attempt to sweet talk you in to staying; at his apartment and in his life, you would’ve gave in to him and that powerful speech you just poured your heart in to would have all been for nothing.  As much as you wanted to rid him from your thoughts entirely and say that you felt as though a huge weight has been lifted from off your shoulders, you’d be lying if you said it didn’t hurt when you realized he wasn’t chasing after you. But then again, this was what you wanted—your heart could no longer handle the fact that he didn’t care for you or love you the way you practically gave him your entire being. 
You would have done anything for the older boy—you were well aware of that and so was he; but allowing him to play with your emotions all the while leading you on was something you refused to let continue. From the time you were a little girl, you were extremely insecure about every single little feature on your body; your bushy eyebrows, your chubby cheeks, your sharp nose that you believed was too big, your crooked teeth and short neck. You also didn’t like the fact that you were only 5”2—you felt like people didn’t take you seriously because you were so tiny. However, over the course of your arrangement with Mark, you didn’t know how you did it—but you fell in love with everything you believed you hated about yourself. 
Unfortunately, you knew Mark had a lot to do with it. He praised your body on a daily basis, like it was his duty to tell you how breathtakingly beautiful you were and how your body was handcrafted by Leonardo DaVinci himself. During your sexual activities; whether it was when he’d find himself with his face buried in your cunt, or if he had you pressed up against the counter, he never failed to compliment you on how soft your skin was, how insane your curves were and how he truly believed you were God’s favorite with how amazing your body was. 
Only then did it hit you—Mark only ever seemed to compliment you when his dick was deep inside of you or right after the two of you reached euphoria together. You had to accept it—you were just a fuck buddy, a play thing—someone to help him relieve stress and find pleasure through. When you reached your car, you sat in it and cried for a few moments; allowing everything to come out. 
It was hysterical; less than an hour ago, you were crying out of frustration because he kept fucking you with his fingers but refused to fill you with his length until you begged him to do so. Now, your sobs were filling up your entire vehicle all because you couldn’t let your affair to continue anymore. Everything seemed to be getting out of hand. You put so much effort in to something so pathetic all for a boy who couldn’t give less of a shit about you—a stupid, egotistical, manipulative, selfish asshole. You wanted to wait until you were completely calm and free of any more tears before you began to drive back to your apartment. 
Did all of that really just happen? What were you going to do now? There was no way you could just pretend like he was nothing to you. Six months of memories; kissing him in bathrooms that was hardly ever used at your university, singing along to Disney movies, helping each other with homework, attempting to cook meals that either of you saw on food network and ultimately failing, driving to another state on a whim just because you needed a break from life—every single beautiful moment spent with him was forever etched in to the back of your mind. 
Mark Tuan was the rightful owner of your heart; he was the reason why it would flutter and rapidly beat as much as it would sink and tear apart by the smallest mistake or argument. You continuously repeated to yourself that this was what you needed—you needed to let him go sooner or later or else he would end up breaking you completely; until you were a shell of nothing. 
Two weeks went by since that night and you could honestly say they were the worst two weeks of your entire life. You weren’t even exaggerating—you were miserable beyond belief. Mark hasn’t tried to get in contact with you at all since you stormed out of his apartment and with every swig you took of whatever alcohol beverage you drank in order to take your mind off of the man in question, you attempted to coerce yourself in believing that this is what you wanted. 
This is what was best for you. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell though; sure, you told him that you were done with him and you no longer wanted to have anything to do with him, but he gave up so easily. It felt like a slap in the face by reality that your biggest worries were true—he had no legitimate feelings for you; just lust. He could get anyone he wanted to take your place; you were just another useless body. You wouldn’t be surprised if you were to find out that he told his friends about you and what the two of you have been doing for the last few months. 
His group of friends were notorious for having a group chat that they would brag about all of their hookups. You were so tempted to reach out to him and the multiple amounts of alcohol you’d consume would only make you crave his presence a lot more. Some days were better than others and by better, you didn’t cry as much and you actually would get some sleep. Why did you allow this to happen? 
Anyone who knew anything about friends with benefit relationship were well aware that it could never be just sex. Things always got messy; one person fell in love while the other didn’t reciprocate the same feelings. In this case, you were the poor unfortunate soul who got the short end of the stick—you fell in love knowing that your feelings would never be reciprocated. It was heartbreaking; the first time you ever loved someone—it just so happened to be a person that was never yours in the first place. Once you were to move on from Mark completely, you were afraid that you would never be able to love anyone else. 
This entire arrangement ruined your outlook on love permanently. You had to force yourself not to try and reach out to him—there was a point where you even hid your phone because you were afraid you’d give in and call him. He obviously didn’t care—losing you wasn’t a loss to him at all. Not if you never meant anything to him in the first place. Your friends tried to reach out to you multiple times throughout your emotional episode; it wasn’t like you drop off the face of the earth without an explanation. But nobody knew about you and Mark—nor would anyone understand what you were doing with him. 
You were still in your early twenties, but you weren’t too young to realize that having an affair was wrong. You’ve known that even when you were a little girl—if your friends or even your family were to find out the mess that you’ve gotten yourself in to, they’d be so disappointed. Every time your phone went off, you held on to a tiny string of hope that it would be Mark trying to get in contact with you. It was too much of you to hope that maybe, just maybe he came to the conclusion that he missed you, that he was nothing without you and that he accepted the thought of loving you. However, it was always your close friends trying to get you to go out with them. 
As much as you felt like you should say yes to them and allow yourself to move on by joining in on activities to keep you preoccupied, you didn’t have the strength, energy or desire to do anything at all. At the three week point, you came to accept that Mark wasn’t coming back. He was done with you, and there was nothing you could do about it. When you returned back to school, your friends were on your case—pointing out the fact that you looked like literal death. Claiming that you’ve lost at least ten pounds since the last time they saw you and that your cheekbones were more prominent. 
They also stated that you looked as though you haven’t slept in days—your eye bags were dark and your eyes were puffier than usual. Like you had done with everyone else in your life; you lied and gave them the excuse that you had some kind of bug and that your doctor told you that it would be best for you to stay bedridden. Thankfully, they bought it—you didn’t need the constant reminder of why you were acting like someone died. 
“Hey, I know you don’t care about anyone from Jinyoung’s group of friends, but did you happen to see Mark’s girlfriend yet? She’s here for spring break. She’s so pretty; I don’t understand why she would want to come to a university on her vacation, but maybe she just wants to spend time with her boyfriend no matter what it is that they do. They’re so cute together.” 
Everything your best friend was telling you about Mark and Aubrey felt like a punch to the gut. Every single word twisted your heart and you began to grow lightheaded. So that’s why he didn’t come after you that night; maybe she told him she was coming to visit him. He didn’t need you anymore—he’d have someone, his someone in particular to give him his fill. He might have been cheating on her, but you didn’t think he’d be the type to sleep with two different girls at the same time—then again, it would probably raise his confidence levels in such an obnoxious way. 
If only your friend knew how much her words were taking over your mind—how much they were ruining you and slowly tearing you apart. You wanted to cry—you felt like screaming to get her to stop. She had no idea about your relationship with Mark, so it wasn’t as though she was trying to make you feel bad. Even if she did know, she wouldn’t do anything to hurt your feelings—although, she would have been upset to hear about your poor choices. 
“I—uh—no. I’ve only been here for about ten minutes so—I wouldn’t know. Cool. I should get going. I’ve already missed out on so much—I’ll call you later.” 
You wasted no time briskly heading to your first class. Honestly, you didn’t even want to go anymore. Coming to school was a mistake—what was another day of missing class? You’ve been doing your work online; there was really no reason to be there other than for attendance purposes. You didn’t feel like you learned anything anyway, so there was really no point at all. You mentally cursed yourself at your negative thoughts—this was all Mark’s fault. Before him, you genuinely enjoyed school. 
Your education meant everything to you. Whenever you were assigned homework—you completed it before your next day of class. Some of your professors complimented your on your work ethic and your English professor even asked you to become their TA because you were always so on top of things. Now, you couldn’t wait for school to be over with and you didn’t even care whether or not you passed any of your classes this semester. 
Nothing mattered to you anymore and it was so disheartening that you allowed a stupid asshole to have this effect on you. To flip your world upside down and make you hate everything that used to bring you so much joy and contentment. You were busy trying to avoid people in the hallway and you couldn’t care less about whether or not you ended up bumping in to someone. Today was just not your day and if people were smart, they’d stay far away from you.  
Your phone began to ring, and when you saw that one of your other friends were trying to get in touch with you, you were debating on answering. Human interaction wasn’t something you wanted to put up with for the rest of your time on campus. Everything was all too much for you to take in. The idea of Mark—introducing Aubrey to everyone as his girlfriend, the risk of seeing them together—kissing, holding hands, hugging, acting sweet to one another, it was messing with your head. 
Heard you’re back, if you’re free right now, did you want to get some coffee?
The word no was at the tip of your tongue—you were afraid that you’d give yourself away if you showed any sort of emotion that proved you weren’t sick at all. However, you loved coffee and you were sure it would be the only kind of positivity you’d be able to have at all today so you were going to take what you could get. 
It didn’t take too long for you to reach the coffee shop—there were three spread throughout campus, so you made your way over to where your friend said to meet them. You put in your headphones and blasted your playlist of sad songs—most people would try to steer clear of melancholic music while they were going through such a difficult time but it actually brought you peace. Some weird, twisted kind of peace but nonetheless, it helped you cope with the pain that Mark’s sudden absence left on you. The smell of coffee was soon ridding you of your anxiety and you were quick to see your friend towards the back of the shop. She waved you down and you acknowledged her before getting in line to place your order. 
“Next in line.” 
You gave a soft smile to the barista and gave him your order—going with a large caramel macchiato with three shots of espresso, you were in need of caffeine in the hopes that it would give you enough energy to last through three classes. When you pulled to the side and began to scroll through Instagram, your friend sent you a playful text message about how she was glad that you went with the biggest size, you were definitely going to need it. 
“I have a grande matcha latte and a venti iced americano with almond milk for Aubrey—“ 
Your heart felt as if it was about to combust out of your chest at the sound of her name. Sure, there could have been multiple Aubrey’s on your campus. It wasn’t an uncommon name—but you knew the americano was Mark’s go to beverage. He was lactose intolerant and the first time you went to get coffee together, he told you that americanos helped him stay awake. You didn’t want to look up—you were afraid of seeing her or worse—seeing him. 
Life could be a bitch sometimes. Maybe this was your karma for fooling around with someone who was already taken. You couldn’t help it, you lifted your head up to see the girl who owned the heart of the man who owned yours and you ultimately regretted doing so. She was beautiful—there was no doubt about it. No matter how much you wanted to be bitter and say that she was ugly or that you couldn’t understand what Mark saw in her, you knew that was far from the truth. You’ve only seen a few pictures on her Instagram when you accidentally stumbled upon her account one day but her pictures didn’t do her justice at all. Her long brown hair was in big, bouncy waves.
She was wearing a red, summer dress with a pair of heels. You could feel yourself choking up at the sight of her and all her beauty and you began to mentally scold yourself for not putting any effort in to your outfit at all today. But what did it matter? At the end of the day, it was her who got to say that Mark was her person. She got to tell people with confidence that they were a couple while you had to hide behind the cafeteria or shopping malls in the fear of anyone recognizing the two of you. 
She grabbed the two drinks and made her way to a table near where your friend was sitting. Out of all the places that she could have decided to meet you, it just had to be the same place that Mark’s girlfriend was currently at all the while waiting for him. Was it too late for you to come up with an excuse as to why you couldn’t stay for too long? Surely she’d be able to understand right? 
There was no way you could be able to withstand being in the same room with the man that ripped your heart from out of your chest and threw it on the ground right in front of you—stepping on it like a used cigarette. That’s all you were to him—a cigarette. You were bad for him—but he was addicted to you and he used you only when it was beneficial to him. Just like the way smoking addicts would turn to cigarettes for stress relief, Mark would come to you for a way to release any pent up frustration and just like when the cigarette burns out and the high is over, you’re thrown to the ground and discarded until he needed another hit. 
“Y/n, I have your venti caramel macchiato.” 
Your hands were shaking and all the wind was knocked out of you. After politely thanking the barista, you took in a deep breath as you sauntered to the direction of your friend. You began to plan out ways to escape this unfortunate situation you found yourself in. Fate must’ve had something against you; this wasn’t a coincidence that you’d be in the same exact place at the same exact time as the both of them. This was your payback—your punishment and you were just going to have to take it like a big girl. 
“Hey y/n. I’m so happy to see you again, although, from what everyone who has seen you has told me so far, you really don’t look too good. Maybe you should have asked your doctor to give you a few more days off—“
“I’m fine, really. I can’t afford to miss out on any more school or else I won’t graduate on time. Don’t worry about me. Let’s talk about you, inform me on everything I missed.” 
As she began to tell you about how her life was going and how much you missed out on so many fun outings, everything she was saying went through one ear and out the other. Thankfully, your back was facing where Aubrey was sitting. You were sure if you were able to see her, you wouldn’t be able to take your eyes off of her. Your friend continued to explain the crisis she was experiencing with one of her AP classes and you felt bad for not giving a shit at all. You tried to muster any kind of response and you could tell your “oh really?” and your “that sucks” were completely insincere, but if she noticed anything out of the ordinary—she didn’t say anything. 
You didn’t think anything of the chime of the front door, but something in your chest—probably the fact that you grew accustomed to the distinct sound of Mark’s footsteps made it known that he was now there and your suspicions were soon answered when he spoke up. 
“Hey, sorry I’m late. My professor held us back for five minutes. You weren’t waiting too long were you?” She giggled softly at her apology and it had to be the green monster of jealous on your back that was growing annoyed at the sound. 
“No. I just got our drinks. So how was class baby?” 
The term of endearment made your skin crawl—baby. You used to call him that; but then again, it was only when you were fucking him. Only once did you ever call him baby other than when you were having your fun together and he never really reacted to it. He must’ve been used to hearing you say it during your many hookups that it was second nature to you. You couldn’t handle staying in the coffee shop for a minute longer—you were afraid that something inside of you would get you to walked over to their table and tell her everything. 
Mark didn’t deserve to have a happy ending—not after all that he’s put you through. If you had to suffer, so did he. But you weren’t like that. You weren’t a terrible, heartless person no matter how much you wanted to be. You wanted to hurt him—break him—ruin him the way he so easily did to you. You wanted every single one of his thoughts to be filled with you and how he played you. Your mind was begging you to leave—the last thing you needed was to make a fool out of yourself and who knew? He could pretend that he had no idea what you were talking about and make you seem like the biggest idiot ever. 
“Hey, I actually planned on talking to my physics professor about missing assignments so I think I’m going to head out. Sorry about that.” The younger girl shook her head before giving your hand a comforting squeeze. 
“You’re fine! Don’t stay away from us any longer okay? We’re only young once, let’s make the most of what we still can.” 
You mirrored her expression and nonverbally agreed before picking up your books and your bag. Right as you said your goodbyes, you abruptly turned around and collided with a body. Not just any body—the body you’ve grown so familiar with in the last half a year. The body that made you feel so safe, so comforted, so happy and so serene. The body you’ve missed more than anything—Mark.
“I’m so sorry I should have looked where I was going—y/n?” 
Hearing him say your name again after almost an entire month of not seeing or hearing from him sent you through so many different emotions and you felt like you were on the verge of both throwing up and crying. It wasn’t a sensation you were used to nor did you ever want to get used to it. You just wanted to get the hell out of there. You didn’t even look up at him; your initial instinct would probably be to either punch him or to kiss him and both options would bring you so many problems. 
“It’s fine. I’m fine. Now, if you’ll excuse me—“ you attempted to walk away from him; being this close in proximity to him was suffocating. Your chest felt heavy and you were growing nauseous. 
“Y/n, I’m sorry—that night—I can explain—“
“There’s nothing for you to explain Mark. I’d watch myself if I were you. Your girlfriend is right over there. You’re not as quiet as you think you are, I don’t even know why you’re talking to me or what you feel the need to explain yourself. What we had is over. You and I are over, so there’s no need—“
“Please, we need to talk. I need to tell you something—“ 
Now would be a good time to just bring your fist up and force it against his cheek. Did he hear himself? He was gone—he stayed away for weeks. He made you feel like complete and utter shit. He didn’t fight for you or your relationship—he didn’t beg you to stay nor did he try to stop you at all. Seeing him right now, you noticed that you were more angry with him than you were missing him. Did he really think that you were going to take him back with open arms as though the last three weeks of hell that you suffered through never happened at all? Did he think you were that stupid and that desperate enough to go crawling back to him with the snap of a finger? 
He knew that he had the power to get you to come running to him even if he didn’t try to stop you that night. If you were to tell him why you were so angry with the fact that she interrupted your time with him, he would have seen right through you. If Mark had any kind of common sense, he would be able to pick up on the fact that it had nothing to do about being interrupted during sex. You wanted to laugh sarcastically—his girlfriend was a mere five feet away, he was truly unbelievable. 
“Your silence that night spoke volumes for you so I think it’s best if we pretend like what we had never happened at all. You better go return back to her or else she’ll know something is up. I meant what I said when I left you, I no longer want to be apart of your life if my place—my presence isn’t as much of a priority as yours is in mine. Now, before I end up walking over there and telling her exactly who you are and who I was to you, be smart and leave it as it is.” 
You shoved passed him and walked out of the shop with so much weight off of your shoulders. Telling him off felt amazing; there was so much more you wish you could have said, but you already felt eyes on the two of you and you didn’t want to bring any more attention to the two of you. You were sure your friend must’ve saw the entire exchange go down and she would most likely have a lot of questions, but you didn’t care about anything at all—your mind was set on going back home. 
Sleep sounded so good right now and as much as running away from your problems wasn’t ideal, you deserved some rest. You didn’t even attend one class and you were in more or less words exhausted to the tenth degree. The image of him begging for you to hear him out with just his eyes alone was now imprinted in the back of your mind. Mark was never a man of words—not with you. He preferred using actions and you liked it that way. 
But now, those actions were being used against you, not for you. There was something inside of you; pleading for you to hear him out—you knew it was the part that still loved him wholeheartedly. You wanted to give up your pride—you were proud of yourself for standing your ground, but there was a hole in your heart that could only be filled by Mark himself. As you started walking towards your car, you felt your phone vibrate in your bag and it didn’t take a genius to know who might have been texting you. 
That was who he was; Mark was insufferable. He was the type who wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted and if he wanted to talk to you, he was going to do anything and everything in his power to get you to listen. You contemplated taking a glance at your phone for quite some time. It was tempting; what if he decided to just confess everything since you weren’t willing to let him talk to you in person? There was really no harm in looking at his messages; you just weren’t going to respond. If you even sent a simple “back off” you were allowing him to continue sticking around in your life. By not responding at all, you’re giving him an answer. 
Getting over him completely was going to take some time, but you owed it to yourself to be released from the confines of Mark’s hold that he had on you. There were so many other men out there; men who didn’t come with baggage. Men who were both physically and theoretically available. Men who would love you—only you. Men you didn’t have to worry about their place in your life or your place in theirs. You bit your lip in anticipation; what was there left for him to say or do after you practically shunned him from your life? He might have believed he wasn’t going to give up this time without a fight; you probably did damage to his ego but your mind was set. 
You were done with Mark Tuan, for good.
Mark: I love you and I’m sorry. 11:25 A.M.
'Cause you weren't mine to lose
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schrijverr · 3 years
Text
I Wrote My Own Deliverance
Chapter 9 out of 10
Alexander Hamilton is reborn as Alex Hambleton. He is desperate not to make the same mistakes twice, but it seems he is stuck in the narrative, unable to get out. Familiar faces pop up all around him as he attempts to keep his previous life a secret and write himself out of the story.
On AO3.
Ships: Alex/John/Eliza preslash implied
Warnings: none, but tell me if I missed anything or if you want me to tag something!!!
~~~~~~~~~~
Alex had attempted to sleep his misery away. He had hoped to wake up when it was all over and he could pretend he had not just done that again.
Overwhelm them with honesty always felt like a great option, until you had spread the word and were waiting for the reactions.
However, no such luck was in store for Alex when he awoke to the sound of someone banging loudly on his door. It took a moment for the yelling to register, but he quickly identified it as Angelica when she yelled: “Alexander open this door right now, because I will not hesitate to kick it in.”
He jumped out of bed and called something out to her as he stumbled over, blanket hanging over his shoulders, his hair still a mess from running his hands through it all night, bags under his eyes and a weight on the slump of his shoulders.
When he opened the door, he was met with more people than just Angelica. Behind her stood Eliza, Herc, Lafayette and John, all with crossed arms and stern expressions on their faces.
If they expected him to react the same as before, they were sorely mistaken. He was tired and emotionally drained and he did not have the energy to create an aloof mask. So when he saw them all standing there, he did what any sane person would have done and broke down into tears as he sank to the floor.
Immediately the lecture they had in store for him was forgotten as they sank down to wrap him up in a hug as he sobbed a thousand apologies into their clothes.
After a while Angelica took control of the situation and managed to usher them into the dorm, before they attracted too much attention. She also situated Alex onto his bed, pressed tightly between his friends, with Eliza and John on both sides and Herc and Lafayette next to them, while Angie set to make some tea.
“I’m so sorry for not telling you all.” Alex said, wiping away his tears after he had finally gotten his breathing under control.
“Hey, it’s okay, Alexander, it’s all okay.” Eliza petted his hair, but it just made more tears fall out of his eyes.
“No, no, it’s not,” he protested, voice still broken, “I fucked up again, I made you all sad by ignoring you and it was all for nothing anyway, I still messed up and I’m probably going to stay a fuck up for the rest of my life even when I try so so hard, it’s just never enough.”
“Alex, stop that.” John told him, he realized that kindness was perhaps good, but not if they couldn't snap him out of it.
“Stop what?”
“Stop beating yourself up over trying to be a better person and succeeding.” he answered, taking pride in the fact that he had reduced Alexander ‘A-Hundred-Words-Per-Minute’ Hamilton to silent gaping imitation of a fish on dry land.
When he finally managed to gather his words, he softly whispered: “Succeeded?”
At that point Angelica came back and pushed a warm mug in his hand as she counted on her fingers: “Didn’t cheat, didn’t ruin someone else’s life in an attempt to save your reputation and tried to do what was best for your friends even if the conclusion on how to do that was wrong. You already ‘changed the story’, as you put it.”
“But what if it wasn’t enough?” he asked, “What if no one believes me and Washington gets fired and he hates me and then I never get to see him or Mama M again and you all still have to yell at me for being a shit friend, which is true, and I am left alone and-”
“Alex, I love you, but please shut up before you talk yourself into a panic attack.” Eliza cut off his ramblings.
It seemed that it was enough for Alex to completely shut down and he just stared into another dimension, face riddled with shock and disbelief.
“If zat is truly the worst thing you can come up with then rest assured, mon petit lion, I can - how you say - ah, repel these thoughts.” Laf offered, “If no one believes you, you can actually prove you are Alexander Hamilton by registering.”
“Yeah, and Washington fucking loves you dude, so be chill on that front.” Laurens added, “Same goes for Martha, if she’s still the same.”
“And we will yell at you, but we’re not going to ditch you.” Angelica finished.
“Are you sure?” Alex asked.
Both John and Eliza pull him in for a hug as they whispered: “Of course we’re sure.” “We missed you.”
“Sorry I never said I remembered.” Alex apologized again.
“Well, one pro of being a chronic over-sharer with the world at large is that you don’t really have to explain.” Herc was teasing him, that was Hercs teasing voice and Alex had never been more happy that he was being made fun of.
The sound from his throat was a mix between a sob and a laugh as he confessed: “I missed all of you so much, it literally hurt to not say anything.”
“We believe you.” Eliza told him and both she and Laurens hugged him tightly.
They formed a cuddle pile and started up the The Fellowship of the Ring while Alex was busy being overwhelmed by what his life was right now.
When the fellowship had just arrived in Moria, Alex cleared his throat and said: “I think I’m ready for the yelling now.”
“Alright, if you say so.” Angelica warned him before getting up and taking a deep breath: “How dare you give in to your big ego and throw away your life in a duel when you wife and living children needed you. How dare you leave us all behind for honor when we needed you, you dumb fuck.”
“It was a dick move to not tell me who you were when I found you again, Alex.” John did not give him a moment to react, “I missed you so fucking much and then you pull that shit, break my heart all over again.”
“While I understand and forgive you, it was, as John eloquently phrased it, a dick move to not come to my aid in France.” Lafayette told him and Alex shrunk under his gaze.
Eliza took over: “It was difficult when you left me with the children and it took a long time to forgive you and it hurt even more to see you without you knowing me. And knowing in hindsight that you did, does not make it any better.”
Alex was ready for the ground to swallow him and he wanted to nothing more then for this to be over as he turned to Herc, who shrugged: “It sucked that you didn’t come around more? I don’t know, dude, I don’t have that much beef with you. Except that I had to deal with these two dramatic assholes without you.”
The two assholes in question both let out an indignant ‘Hey!’ as Alex snorted, already calming down a bit.
It was quiet for a few more seconds then Alex said: “Can I talk now? I know I’ve already written everything down for the world to see and all that, but I have been thinking for years about what to say if I had the chance, so…”
John grinned and said: “I never thought I’d say this, but I’d love a Hamilton speech right now. Do your worst.”
“I resent that.” he fired back, before turning to Herc, he wasn’t ready to face Eliza yet, “Sorry, I allowed myself to get swept up in the world of politics so much that I did not make time to see you. It was both snobby and shitty and you deserved better than that.”
Herc gave him some finger guns, which settled his nerves slightly.
Then he moved to Lafayette: “I want to say sorry for never coming for you. I know that politically it was the right decision, but I should have come for you anyway. I promised and then I left you. Even if I argued for neutrality against France, I could have taken a break to save you for personal reasons and the fact that I didn’t speaks of my asshole-ness.”
Lafayette gave him a tight smile and forgiving eyes, but he didn’t say a word. Alex couldn’t tell if it was because the other had realized that if Alex were interrupted he might be unable to start again or because Laf did not have the words to reply.
He turned to Angelica: “I have attempted many times to figure out what to say to you, but I never really know. You were the sister I never had, the support system I shouldn’t have taken for granted, yet I did. I can never repay you for being there for Betsy. So, thank you.”
She patted his shoulder and smiled encouragingly. As much as she could let her temper run wild, she could always be the rock he needed and he was so very grateful for her.
Then he found himself face to face with John. For all the speeches he had written for Laurens, when actually faced with the man, he grasped at straws.
“My dear Laurens,” what other way to start was there? “I cannot begin to express how all my words left me when I saw you alive once more. It pained me that I could not be there when you died and that our promise to see the war through together could not be fulfilled.”
He was reverting back to his older form of speech, but he was hardly noticing it: “We have left so much unsaid between us that breaking the silence seems terrifying, yet I hope that one day you can forgive me for not immediately sharing the delight of finding you in this life.”
“I cannot say how this life we’re making for ourselves will pan out.” he added, “The world is different and I cannot yet say if our stories will be, but I hope we can build upon a relation passed and see where the road takes us.”
Laurens took his hand a squeezed it. There were tears in both their eyes and neither said a word as they stayed liked that for a second, before Alex cleared his throat and turned to the last person in the room.
He had written so much for Eliza, but the only thing he could bring himself to say was an apology: “I know I can never apologize enough for all that I did to you, but I want you to know how incredibly sorry I am and how aware I am that I can never truly apologize for everything I have done.”
“It’s okay.” she said, sweet smile on her face, “It wasn’t for a long time, but you are not him anymore and you are still a good man. Finding out you’re poly did explain a lot.”
“Just because I’m poly doesn’t mean cheating is okay, not to mention telling the whole world about it.” Alex interjected, stereotypes were shit, “Being poly is also about communicating, which is every relationship to be honest.”
“I know, dear.” she cut off his verbal essay before it could begin, “What I meant is that it explained how you still looked at me like I was the world, even after everything. And how your eyes would sparkle when you talked about John, while still having the same look for me.”
“Oh.” sometimes he wondered why he was known as eloquent.
She smiled and repeated: “Yeah, oh.”
Herc piped up: “She and John started the POHC after the party. It was kinda sad, but also kinda sweet. We mostly avoided them.”
“Shut up, Herc.” John hissed, blush on his features, while Alex asked: “POHC?”
“Pine Over Hamilton Club.” Herc grinned, it seemed his spying tendencies had turned into a need for gossip.
“Not the point.” Eliza interrupted, also blushing, “We’ll talk about it later, for now, lets focus on the situation at hand. Did Washington know you were going to do this?”
“Yeah,” Alex snorted, “I’m not doing that without consent two times. I’m an idiot, but I’m not stupid, you know. Mama M wanted to push for a lawsuit, but telling someone you will sue them if they breathe a word is about the same as telling them they’re right.”
“That sucks, mon ami.” Lafayette said.
“Tell me about it.” Alex smiled back, “Though we’re still considering pushing a lawsuit when we have the board on our side. I don’t want to dive into it without being registered.”
“You’re going to register?” Angelica asked.
“I have to, Angie.” Alex said, “If I get called for the board then I have proof, and I know they will call on me to explain, so better get it over with. The only reason I haven’t yet is because I didn’t want to do it without asking you guys.”
“Why?”
“Because if I am verified, then Washington will have to be verified and then everyone will look at the two ‘Great Founding Fathers of the United Sates of America’ and by extension everyone near them with a name resembling someone they knew.” Alex explained, “Of course you can avoid it by not being friends with me again, which I totally get and I don’t blame you if you don’t want to be associated with me.”
“Oh non, Alex, I will never let mon petit frére go.” Lafayette hugged him tightly and it was good to be in the mans arms again. He had missed his brother in all but blood.
“Yeah, not cool that you think we’ll drop you again.” Herc scolded him playfully, “We’re cooler than that.”
“I can handle them if they come after me.” Angelica said fiercely.
“And I do not doubt that.” Alex told her, “You are terrifying and I want to be on your good side for the rest of my life, but maybe take some time to think about it.”
She glanced at him and smirked: “I never thought I’d see the day when Alexander Hamilton tells me to pause and think like he was Aa- Oh my god, you have been roommates with Aaron Burr for over a year!”
1 note · View note
firelordappa · 4 years
Text
The Secret Society [M] - Chapter One
Pairing: Sokka x OC
Word Count: 2813
Genre: Romance, baby. Fluff AND smut
Hello, everyone! I hope you give this story a read, I have lots of good things planned for it. I actually posted another version of the first chapter for this story but I decided to rewrite it and I like this version a lot better lmao.
In this story, Sokka is 22 and our main female love interest is 20:) Just in case you’re too lazy to do the math, that means that Aang is 19, Toph is 19, Katara is 21, and Zuko is 23.
Like I said, I have so many things planned for this story! Me and 2 friends actually planned out the entire plot line one night sitting in my car and I knew I immediately had to start writing. Before we start, I’d like to give a shout out to @mystic-kitten-writer for inspiring me to write a story of my own! If you haven’t already, go check out her story “Limerence”. It’s a Zuko fic with lots of fantastic smut and honestly just one of the best fics I’ve ever read.
Let’s get started!
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          The sun felt nice on my skin. The warmth of the rays hit my cheeks and for a short period of time, it made me feel alive. My entire life has always felt like one huge identity crisis. I’ve never truly understood who I was or what my place was in the world. My family and I constantly live in a constant state of fear of people discovering who we really are. 
          It’s a secret that I have to bear with me for the rest of my life. 
          “Tenzin?” My mother’s soft voice spoke from behind me. I turned around and looked at her and it was in that moment that I realized how similar we look to each other. Her round, dark brown eyes that she passed down to me looked at me with concern as I sat here on the cliff side right behind our house. Her waist-length chocolate brown hair was pinned up neatly, showing off her angular cheekbones that even with age, have failed to lose their place on her face. My mother truly was beautiful. 
          “Yes, mother?” I stood up. I had a thin cotton dress on due to the heat that came with the summer time. But with the way she was looking at me, I knew it was time for me to go to work and that I would need to change. Just another day doing the exact same thing I’ve done for the past 10 years of my life. Life was monotonous for me and my family, and slowly but surely I’ve just come to accept it. 
          This is my life. There’s nothing I can do to change it. 
           I walked inside of our house and turned one corner to make it to my room. We lived in a pretty small house, but with just me and my mother that’s all we really needed. Both my mother and father both never really cared for luxurious things, but even if we did there was no way we could afford to live a lavish lifestyle. That’s why my father opened the ramen shop. So that our family could get by, even if it required us to scrape the bottom of the barrel sometimes. 
          But we were happy. That’s all we really needed.
          I rummaged around my room trying to find my apron before finally finding it hiding underneath some of my blankets that had fallen onto the floor. I tied it maybe a little too tightly around my waist and then walked over to the mirror to check my appearance before I had to head out for the day. I braided a few pieces of hair before pinning them back, trying to look a little more put together. I’ve never been confident about my body, or anything about myself really. I think of myself as devastatingly average. Just someone who could blend into the background and nobody ever thinks twice about. 
          My parents always raised me to believe that I shouldn’t obsess over my looks. Shallow and surface level desires like that were just things that we didn’t believe in. When I was younger this was easier to follow, but now that I’m way past the marrying age and I still have nobody interested in courting me, it makes a girl wonder. 
          “What’s wrong with me?”
          The shop was right next to our house. Very convenient, if you ask me. We typically didn’t get much business because just like us, everyone else in the village was also struggling financially. Most people found jobs within the city, but they’re restricted to working in the outer rings where money is still pretty short. Looks like we all have it out for us, huh?
          “This is just what I needed!” A voice called me to look up from my place at the counter. A group of people walked through the doors and I immediately got excited because these were our first customers in a few days. One of the men caught my eye. 
          Gods, he was exquisite. 
          He was tall and had beautifully tanned skin. He had his hair tied up in a short ponytail and he carried himself with so much confidence that anyone would immediately be drawn to him. He had a lean figure and his arms were toned and on full display in the sleeveless shirt he was wearing. I need to stop gawking, I shouldn’t be thinking about him this way. 
          “Hello, everyone. You all look tired! You must have been traveling. What can I get for you today?” I broke out of my trance and walked over to the group to greet them. The Avatar…?
          The beautiful man looked up at me with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. His face was even more handsome up close. His full lips turned up into a smirk and he looked at me with a mischievous glint in his eye. “I’ll take whatever you recommend.”
          I could feel how deeply I was blushing, but I hoped he didn’t notice. Is he flirting with me?
          “Yes, we’re just passing through the area and looking for something to eat. None of us are really picky.” One of the women smiled at me as she spoke. She was also jaw-droppingly beautiful, and the similarities between her and the man led me to believe that they were siblings. What’s in the water where these people are from?
          I laughed at her obvious attempt to try and divert her brother’s advances. “Alright, everyone. I’ll make sure to have it out for you as soon as possible.” I gave the group one last smile before turning on my heel and walking towards the back to my mother. I felt very flustered by that man’s...flirting? I’ve never had a guy show any interest in me at all. Is that what all of these feelings were in my chest? 
          It felt… good. Really good. 
          “Mother, we have customers!” I told her excitedly as I walked into the kitchen. She looked up and smiled warmly and I could tell that she was happy about finally having business. She immediately started fixing everyone’s food for them and while she did, I couldn’t help but daydream about the blue-eyed beauty sitting in our shop. My heart was fluttering just thinking about seeing him again in a few minutes. Would he try to flirt with me again? 
          Why were they traveling here in the first place?
          My mother eventually finished up everyone’s meals and I took them on a serving plate to bring them out to the group. As soon as I walked through the doors the man snapped his head in my direction. His eyes slowly scanned my body up and down, drinking me in. The butterflies in my stomach came back immediately and I could feel the blush burning on my cheeks. 
          “Here’s your food, everyone. I hope you enjoy everything! If you have problems with anything please let me know. My name is Tenzin.” I placed everyone’s bowl in front of them. They all seemed eager to finally have something to eat, but as soon as I mentioned my name, the young Avatar’s eyes met mine. The look that he gave me almost sent chills down my spine because he was narrowing his eyes at me so suspiciously. I need to tread lightly… 
          “Tenzin? You know, that’s a very beautiful name.” I placed the man’s food in front of him as he spoke. I couldn’t help but let a giggle leave my lips. So he is flirting with me, after all. 
          “Thank you. I hope that you all enjoy your meals.” I gave the group a smile before nervously walking off. I didn’t really know how to respond to his advances towards me because I’ve never been in this position before. My whole body felt hot because of my nerves, and I’d rather just remove myself from the situation instead of trying to embarrass myself. They’re travelers anyway, I shouldn’t be worrying about this guy.
          I’ll probably never see him again after today. 
          I stayed in the back with my mother until I felt like it had been long enough to check on the group again. Whenever I walked back into the main room, they were all gone except for one. The Avatar sat at the table with his eyes glued to the wall in front of him as if he were deep in thought. He quickly turned his head towards me once he had noticed that I had entered the room. Our eyes locked and I couldn’t really tell what was going on in his head, but clearly something was troubling him. I walked over to the table and sat across from him. We sat there in silence for a few minutes before he finally had the courage to speak. 
          “Who are you, Tenzin?” His stormy gray eyes bore into mine. I thought the Avatar was supposed to be an incredibly nice and kindhearted person, but this man was not the one that I had heard so many great things about. He seemed troubled - sad even. “I feel a very strong energy coming from you. The type of energy that I haven’t been around in over 100 years.”
          “I’m not sure I know what you mean, Avatar Aang.” I don’t know why in this moment I decided to act stupid. I knew exactly why he felt the shift in energy whenever he was around me. I just don’t think I’m ready to be able to join a side of the world that I was never truly accepted in. I knew what would become of me if I confessed my family’s one true secret. So in this moment, I continued to play dumb. 
          “You know exactly what I mean.” His voice rose slightly, the frustration in his voice clearly evident. “Please. Be honest with me.”
          “I’m sorry. I- uh, I can’t.” I stood up from the table as soon as I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I rushed out of the shop and ran to the cliffside behind my house. This was the only place I knew that could help me feel better or just help me think whenever I felt overwhelmed. In this moment, I was certainly overwhelmed. Deep down I knew that the Avatar was certainly someone I could trust with my family burden. And yet, there was still a part of me that wanted to keep my secret a secret. I knew that if I revealed the one part of myself that I was always forced to keep hidden from everyone to him that my life would never truly be the same after that. I would be throwing myself into the same situation that got my father killed. 
          But there was a nagging voice inside of me screaming at me to use this as an opportunity to live the life I’ve always truly wanted to live. I imagined how much more full my life would be. I wouldn’t be stuck in this poor, tiny village serving ramen to people with my mother until I died. I would maybe meet a man, get married, have a few kids who would possibly end up bearing the exact same weight as I for their entire lives. We would be happy, and then eventually I would die. My life would’ve served no real purpose. It would continue to be the same boring, monotonous life that I lived every single day. 
          So, what if I changed my fate? 
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          It had been three days since Aang and his group had visited our shop. Everyone in the village knew their purpose for visiting now at this point. They were scouring the Earth Kingdom villages in search of benders so that they could help build up an army against rebels from the outer ring of Ba Sing Se. According to Aang, these rebels had poisoned the Earth King and murdered him in cold blood. He made sure to explain to everyone that this fight was meant to restore justice and peace within the city, but many people from the village were obviously not interested in fighting against the people that they worked with every single day. Some of us were the outer ring of Ba Sing Se. Regardless, they still managed to find a few benders from our village and convinced them to join their cause. 
          I knew that this was my chance to leave. They would probably be leaving soon, so I knew I would need to act fast. However, my nerves kept getting the best of me. What would happen to my mother? The shop? Was I really ready to drop everything and leave? I would be putting not only my own life in danger, but also my mother’s. My family’s. 
          It was that same afternoon that Avatar Aang walked back into our shop. I knew he was here to talk to me, but I still had reservations about the entire situation. I walked into the main room and he looked at me sternly. 
          “Follow me, please.”
           He walked with me out of the shop. We ended up walking into the trees that surrounded the outskirts of the village until we stopped at one of the many waterfalls that were sprinkled throughout the forest. He guided me to the edge of the water and sat down before motioning me to do the same. 
          “You know, for the longest time I’ve felt so alone. Whenever Katara and Sokka took me to the Southern Air Temple all those years ago and I realized that every single one of my people were gone, I didn’t really know what to do with myself.” He spoke softly as he watched the water rush down from the waterfall. The mist was spraying us gently and in a way, it was oddly calming. So his name is Sokka… 
          “Ever since then, I’ve been so desperate to fit in. To know that my entire culture has been wiped out terrifies me. I’ve never felt something more painful than the pain of knowing that nobody else is like me. Yeah, there are other benders. But nobody else truly understands me and my beliefs.” I turned my head from the water to look at him while he spoke. His hair was wavy and unkempt. The blue ink of his tattoos contrasted almost beautifully from the light tan of his skin. He turned his head and gazed at me in almost the exact same way I had been gazing at him. 
          “I know who you are, Tenzin.” He breathed and looked away from me again. “I know what you are. I felt it from the moment I stepped foot in this village. I guess I just wanted to hear you say it outloud so that I wouldn’t feel crazy.”
          “Aang…” I could feel myself choking up. I couldn’t even lie to myself anymore because I feel just like he does. The only person in my life that I ever felt truly connected to was my father because we were one in the same. Whenever he died, I lost that connection and since then I, too, have also felt like an outcast with no one else who would truly understand what I was going through and the weight of the burden that I had to carry. “I’m scared.”
          “I know. But with me, you don’t have to be alone anymore.” He turned his body so that he was facing me. He took both of my hands in his and looked at me with an agonizingly longful look in his eyes. “Please come with us. I promise that we will protect you and keep you safe from the people who are scared of us. I can’t lose this now that I’ve finally found a connection from my past.” 
           A tear rolled down my cheek. He lifted his hand to my face to wipe it away with his thumb and for a moment, I felt like I was where I needed to be. The connection between us was undeniable and for once in my life I finally met someone who was just like me. Aang shared the same burden as me. 
          The same gift.
          “I will come with you.” I whispered, my eyes dropping to our hands. He was squeezing mine so tightly that his knuckles were white, but as soon as the words left my lips it seemed as if all of the tension he had been feeling had been released. The storm that resided within his eyes seemed to finally be calm, and a soft smile formed on his lips. 
          I was choosing my own destiny. Finally, I could truly live as the most authentic version of myself. It was in this moment that I felt like I knew who I was truly meant to be. 
          I’m an Airbender. And I was ready for everyone to know.
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Alright, first off, if you’re confused about the Aang having hair thing, look up “aang with hair comics” and you’ll see what I mean, mama.
I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will probably be up soon depending on how often I feel like writing. I wrote this entire chapter today because I just felt really inspired. Anyway, I hope you all liked it enough to stay along for the ride :)
-Bekah
11 notes · View notes
a-strange-inkling · 5 years
Text
Arrangement p1
Summary: The (not your average) Arranged Marriage AU I didn’t know I needed to write.
Rated: M (for adult content)
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Chapter One: The Broken Promise
He opened the door to the house that had been built for his brother, the house that should never have been his.
It felt more than wrong to take such comfort in it, but he was weary from his travels and toils, and the smell of the burning embers from the dying fire and the warmth they emitted enraptured him, pulling him into their snares as he crossed the threshold, leaving the world outside behind.
The Uchiha heir paused, the sound of trickling water in the next room alerting him that she was still awake. Her chakra signature hummed serenely, the feel of it like warm silk against the cold air that lingered in his bones.
His wife.
He exhaled slowly, taking his time as he unfastened his cloak and untied his sandals. He was in no hurry to face her after that brief audience with his father.
His throat was dry as he tried to swallow, their exchange of words still burning in his ears.
“So, you’ve returned.”
Sasuke straightened in surprise. It was odd to have his father greet him at the gate, he hadn’t done that since he was a boy.
“Is something wrong?” he found himself asking.
“I need to speak to you,” Fugaku told him with that quiet, stern tone Sasuke was all too familiar with.
His father then turned, walking ahead somewhere the young shinobi assumed was more private. He felt his shoulders fall in exhaustion, he had traveled all night without rest and wasn’t sure if he had the energy for this.
But, with a heavy sigh, he followed.
If Sasuke was anything, he was a dutiful son.
“What is it?” he asked as they reached the bridge at the far end of the village, trying to keep his agitation at bay.
Fugaku inhaled deeply as if summoning strength from some otherworldly source to continue, making Sasuke all the more concerned.
“...It is about your wife,” he told him.
He perked at that.
Sakura.
“Is she alright?” Sasuke felt his pulse quicken, worry gripping tightly at his chest.
“Yes,” Fugaku replied evenly, banishing his first and foremost fear, at least. “She is as healthy, strong and lovely as the day she first stepped into our home.”
Sasuke’s brows drew together at the fleeting memory.
The day everything changed forever.
“Then I don’t understand…”
“She is so well, in fact, that it is a great wonder to me and the other clansmen that she is still without child.”
Sasuke stopped breathing as all the color and warmth drained from his face, leaving him cold and unmoving. If his father at that moment had decided to unsheathe the family katana from his belt and run it threw his stomach instead, he would not have been any more stunned.
“I…” he found he could not think, let alone speak.
“You are aware of the importance of this, are you not?”
“...Yes, I…”
“The survival of our clan depends on an heir.” Fugaku reminded him, his tone growing harsher with every reprimand. “It has been nearly six months of marriage.”
“And four months I’ve been sent away.” Sasuke countered, the spark in him rekindling quickly.
“It does not take a constant presence to father a child, Sasuke.”
The younger Uchiha’s jaw locked tightly, lost somewhere between disbelief, mortification, and resentment. Turning from his father before he said or did something rash, he placed his hands heavily on the railings of the bridge, looking out into the torrid waters of the river beneath them, considering throwing himself in to be washed away... to be anywhere than where he was standing now.
“I don’t understand it, has there been a disagreement between you?”
“No.” he muttered lowly, the heat returning, hotter than before, traveling up his back, pulsing through his ears.
“Is she undesirable to you?”
“Must we discuss this now?”
“There are already rumors floating around, we cannot see a full year of marriage without the promise of a son. The lineage cannot appear weak. The title and wealth must be procured.” his father went on. “So, I ask again, is there something wrong with her?”
“...No.” he answered quietly.
“Then could it be that she is… unhappy with this arrangement?”
Sasuke kept his gaze firmly on the moving water. “I don’t know,” he told him honestly.
Fugaku managed to feel some sympathy for his second-born at that. Last year at this time, Sasuke was free to do as he wished, to go where he wanted. Now he carried the future of his clan upon his shoulders.
Something he had never been raised or fashioned to do.
“...We’re still strangers in many ways, Father,” he confessed.
“I would not speak of this… I would not press this if it was not necessary,” he told him, placing a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “There must be an heir.”
He watched her as she worked in the candlelight. Her long hair hung loosely, tied with a thin red ribbon half way down, swaying gently as she moved, washing each dish peacefully, lost in a world of her own.
She had been offered numerous servants by both her mother and his family to aid her in maintaining the household, but she had only taken on those absolutely necessary. She mostly saw to the house herself. From what his brother had told him, it was her request that the house be kept smaller and manageable during the construction.
She had made it her own in his absence, herbs hanging from the mantles, their strange, earthy smells wafting pleasantly, books and scrolls filling every shelf and nook.
“You’re back.” she murmured softly, keeping her attention on her task.
Apprehension paralyzed him briefly, just a day ago he had looked forward to this moment, to see her again after so many cold nights alone.
With silent steps he crossed the distance between them, coming to stand just behind her. “I wish I had known.” she went on. “I would have prepared something… perhaps I could…”
She paused as his hands rose to carefully caress her covered elbows, making her still in her labors.
Warmth radiated from her, the faint smell of rose water lingering in her soft tresses intoxicating him as he gently brushed them aside, exposing her neck to him.
Slowly, his lips met her pale delicate skin, hearing her breathing hitch slightly in surprise.
He had not touched her like this since their wedding night.
Scattered memories flashed through his mind, their shared quiet hesitance, the nervous energy, the slow waves of bliss washing over him before the guilt closed in, smothering him, making it hard to breathe.
He continued his ministrations, his lips just below the shell of her ear, when she turned slowly to face him, breaking the contact. Her green eyes glowed in the candlelight, searching his tired, longing gaze.
For a moment, nothing was said. In the next, he took her face into his hands and pressed his mouth to hers softly, gently, asking.
He felt her hands, still wet from the sink water, hook in the crook of his arms, dampening the fabric there, to steady herself as she tentatively came to oblige him.
She opened her mouth shyly, like a flower at first light to his touch, and he thought perhaps she could be his after all.
Though, it was only a moment before she pulled away, her large eyes boring into him once more, clear of any daze that his hands or lips could cast over her.
“...What’s brought this about?” she asked him, her voice nothing but a faint whisper.
He faltered.
He didn’t know how to make her understand.
“...Is it so out of the question?” he asked, the pads of his thumbs drawing slow circles along her jaw.
Perhaps he had been pushed this night, but he hadn’t planned on spending the rest of his days deprived of her touch.
He hoped someday they would not always be strangers, that his brother’s ghost would not always linger so closely.
Did she not long for him at all? Did she not wish to try and build a life together?
You’re not what she wants. Something cruel whispered in his ear. Whoever wanted second best?
“It shouldn’t be.” her head tilted slightly as she watched him, a nervous little habit of hers he had noticed long before their vows. “...did your father speak with you?”
He straightened at that, hands drifting to her shoulders, before falling limply to his sides.
He felt everything in him burn with embarrassment. Wishing for the second time that day to simply evaporate into thin air.
“How did you…?”
“...Your mother came to see me today as well,” she told him, color rushing to her face as she broke their gaze, her eyes finding refuge somewhere between the cracks of the floor.
And here he thought he could never be more mortified.
“I’m... sorry.” he breathed out, his eyes closing with a slow shake of his head, praying his mother had not been as blunt and insensitive as his father had been.
“Don’t be… She was kind and meant well,” she assured him as if reading his thoughts.
“It’s still not right.” he dismissed, angry with both his parents now.
This girl was far from home, married to a stranger, and yet they thought it wise to corner her, to pressure her.
“It is what is expected.” she shrugged her shoulders, before meekly meeting his gaze once more. He was surprised by the sadness and pain he saw swimming there.
“You’ll have to forgive me though, I’m tired, and duty won’t be enough to spur me tonight.”
She made to leave him and he almost let her, before reaching out and catching her arm, much to her surprise as well as his own.
She turned back to face him.
“I…” he swallowed thickly. “I want more than just a child.”
He watched as she faltered, tears pooling at the rims of her eyes.
“I want this,” he told her. “I want you.”
“...Then why?” she asked him faintly, making his heart stir all the more. “Why haven’t you…” she swallowed a small sob, a single tear escaping, falling delicately from her thick, pale lash.
“Because Itachi’s dead, and I’m alive,” he confessed sullenly, releasing her arm, before gently brushing away the stray tear, letting his fingers linger there briefly before falling away. “Because I was afraid… I still am… that I’m not what you wanted.” Her eyes widened as he leaned in once more, hovering close, but not touching her.
“...You were never meant to be mine.” he reminded her.
Her eyes were bright and beautiful as she gazed up at him in wonderment.
She closed the distance this time, leaning up and pressing her lips delicately against his as he carefully met her halfway, drawing his arms around her, pulling her closer still. She was so warm, so soft, molding against him so perfectly, it left him just as astounded as the first time he had ever held her.
Desperate with longing, he didn’t waste time, guiding her the short distance to their shared room. His hands fell to her waist, reaching for her sash. His fingers moved steadier than the first time, perhaps, but they were just as hasty, as he made to untie it, pushing the linen layers of her simple day kimono from her shoulders.
His mouth fell to her neck, her collarbone, before returning to her mouth, never breaking contact as he tore off his loose travel shirt, letting it fall to the floor.
The feel of her warm skin against his made him near senseless as her hands traveled the rigid terrain of his chest, wrapping around his broad shoulders, holding him close.
With great care, his hands slid up the smooth planes of her back, laying her down against the bed beneath him, pulling away only to breathe, broken bated breaths.
Their eyes met, hearts pressed together, beating wildly against one another.
He couldn’t bear it.
The sight of her so beautiful, so vulnerable. He kissed her again, and again, feverish untamed touches, down her mouth, to her chin, her neck.
“I am though.” she murmured softly, her fingers moving through his thick tresses.
“Hn?” he hummed against the hollow of her chest, lost in the softness of her skin.
Her hands slipped down to cradle his face, beckoning him gently to look at her. He complied in concern, lifting his head dazedly.
“I am…” she told him, breathless beneath his weight and ministrations. “I am yours.”
For a moment, he forgot how to breathe, the weight of her words crashing over him like waves against the shore.
Mine.
The thought warmed him all the more. Made him burn with gratitude and pride, dismissing the dark shadows of his grief and shame, for the moment at least, like a glowing beacon of light.
Mesmerized, he touched her face, his thumb running along her cheekbone. His hand was far too rough for such delicate skin, but she paid it no heed, closing her eyes as she relished his touch.
As the violet skies darkened, he honored her quiet vow, making her his own. The past and all its looming shadows were long forgotten in their passionate reunion.
“...Are you alright?” he asked hours later, his brows furrowing as he turned on his side to better see her in the faint candlelight. She had not moved for almost an hour, laying flatly on her back, eyes focused on the ceiling above.
“Yes,” she answered him, her tone amiable, but rather guarded.
He frowned in confusion. “Then… what are you doing?”
“...It’s something your mother said would help,” she told him.
“Help... what?”
“Apparently, laying still for a while...” she paused, her fingers fiddling with the quilt her mother had sent her to remind her of home. “...it helps the… chances of a child.” her face burned as she chose each word carefully, unable to look him in the eye.
He stared off into the darkness in bafflement.
“I think it’s foolish,” she confessed, her fingers still moving without purpose. “But then she managed two heirs, who am I to argue?”
A small, rare smile graced his dark features as he leaned over her, stretching an arm over her head, his hand hovering just above her hairline.”Can I still touch you?”
“I suppose,” she replied, returning his smile as his fingers played with her tousled tresses. “Just don’t move me about.”
He hummed an understanding, kissing her slowly, sweetly, before resettling beside her, resting his head against her soft, warm chest. He sighed gently as she brushed her fingers through his hair.
The sound of her heartbeat was strong and lulling, her life force radiating brightly in the night.
Yet, even enveloped in her glowing warmth, the darkness still managed to creep its way back from the corners of his mind at the memory of Itachi's body being carried into the village, cold to his touch, vacant of life and far beyond saving.
There are never two heirs.
There can only be one.
“...Did you love my brother?”
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loove-persevering · 5 years
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Realize (Shawn Mendes Imagine)
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Description: You and Shawn have been apart for almost a year and a half now, you were both where you needed to be and it wasn’t with each other and that was okay. Shawn had some flings from what you’ve heard but nothing serious. What happens when you get in a serious car accident and he hears about it? 
This is hellllla long in my opinion!
Warning: Car accident? 
  You were driving down the street on your way to your job, they had called you in to straighten something out from last night shift. Last night’s shift was stressful you worked in a bakery making wedding cakes and another employee had an accident when they fell in the freezer, you had to be the one to sign the incident report since you were the only witness. 
 You walk in the shop the smell of sweets filling the air, the front part was just a normal bakery but you mainly did cakes. You walk in the back seeing your manager Sasha, ‘’Hey!’’ You say to her, ‘’I’m here to fill out that form.’’ You say to her and she nods her head putting the box she was holding down walking into her office. 
 You follow her from behind and she hands you the piece of paper, ‘’You can just sign the bottom and write a description of what happened in your words,’’ She says. ‘’I gotta go finish unpacking these boxes just let me know when your done?’’ She asks and you nod as she walks out the door. You quickly make your statement writing it down and walk out back in the hallway letting Sasha know you were done. 
 You were now leaving on your way out and you see Willis, one of the older men who came in almost every morning to get breakfast, ‘’Hey Willis!’’ You say walking over putting your hand on his shoulder, ‘’How are you?’’ You ask him. 
 ‘’Eh,’’ He says sounding angry, ‘’Some kids egged my house last night, Steph my granddaughter came over and cleaned it off but still,’’ You frown. He was such a sweet old man but this town had some questionable youth. 
 ‘’If it happens again, I’ll come clean it up alright? I know Steph has her shifts at the hospital,’’ You say to him and he smiles at you nodding his head, ‘’I gotta go thought! I’m meeting my mom for lunch!’’ You say waving back to him as you walk to the door making your way to the car.  You get in quickly starting the car and making your way out of the parking lot, you turn up the radio a bit and begin to hum the familiar tune. 
 You were tapping your hands against the steering wheel, you were making your way through an intersection only a few blocks from where you were suppose to meet your mom. At that same moment a large truck comes zooming through the intersection running his red light, you saw it out of the side of your eye and you thought you had missed it. That was until you felt the sound of him hitting your car and the impact moved your body but your head hit the window of the car hard. You felt like you were being thrown back and forth against the door and the console, you heard the scream and recognized it as your own as you felt the hot tears stream down your face, you felt glass hitting your face and watched out the window as the world seemed to spin around and around until it finally stopped. 
 You were hanging upside down in the car feeling your self hanging by the seatbelt. You felt a throbbing pain in your left side where the car had hit, you heard the doors slamming shut and people screaming to call 911. You felt yourself grow tired wanting nothing more than to fall asleep, your body was tired, you wanted to call your mom to let her know what had happened but right now it seemed like that wouldn’t happen. You heard someone come up to the car hearing the crunch of the glass under their shoe, ‘’Please miss stay awake, we’ve called 911 they’re on their way!’’ The man says. ‘’Ma’m?’’ The voice says but you felt your self slowly begin to drift off your eyes shutting slowly as you looked out into the blurry street. 
___
Shawn’s POV
 I was sitting in the studio with a few friends trying to figure out another song, we had only about four completely finished and I still had a bunch I wanted to record but I wanted something fresh, I wanted something I could release now. I sigh putting down the guitar, I pick up my phone heading to my messages sending a quick text message to a girl I had been talking to. I smile at her reply heading over to twitter, I scroll through the home page for a bit absentmindedly I see a few tweet about Y/N, but I ignore them. 
 Me and Y/N had dated for a while, we had been broken up for about a year and a half now. It was a mutual breakup, I won’t say it didn’t hit me hard because it did and I know she had a rough time with it as well. After the breakup it seemed like we still talked everyday, that was until we both decided if it was going to be over we had to cut off communication. We did after that and I hadn’t spoken to her in over eight months, she deleted all her social media and I really hadn’t thought about her in so long. I was a little confused as to why people were bringing her up but I decided to just put my phone down and ignore it. 
 I started strumming the guitar again finally getting some inspiration with a few lyrics so I started playing around with the cords. Brian walks in the door his phone to his ear and he looked a little shocked on the phone, ‘’Who’s that?’’ I ask him as he hands me a water bottle. He shakes his head turning around to the wall so I can’t see his face. 
 I ignore him going back to my guitar, after a few minutes he finally gets off the phone turning around to look at me he looked pretty upset. ‘’Everything okay?’’ I ask him. 
 I could almost see the tears in his eyes when he decided to speak, ‘’Y/N’s been in an accident Shawn,’’ He says. It takes me a seconds to process what he said I just stare at him, he wouldn’t joke about this not something so serious, ‘’She’s hurt pretty bad.’’ He admits and I watch as he reaches his hand up to his face rubbing his eyes. Y/N and him got really close when we dated, it seemed like they were always off together when I was busy. 
 ‘’What kind of accident?’’ I ask my voice felt tight and I could feel my throat starting to close up and a lump began to form in my throat. 
 ‘’A car accident,’’ He says softly. I look at him and then to my phone, I had deleted her number when we decided to cut off contact, It had been so long I even forgot it which is something I never thought I would forget. 
 ‘’I need to call her mom,’’ I say looking for my phone, Y/N’s mom was one of the sweetest woman I had ever met. Her and Y/N were extremely close and I knew when Y/N was with me she was constantly missing her. It was apart of the reason we broke up, this life was too much for her and I wouldn’t be the one to hold her back from living the life she wanted even if that meant we couldn’t be together. I quickly find her moms phone number pressing the call button it rang for a while and went to voicemail, ‘’Shit,’’ I say standing up now looking for my keys. 
 I call her again and after a few rings she picks up, ‘’Hello?’’ I hear her fragile voice through the phone. 
 ‘’Y/M/N? It’s Shawn.’’ I say to her. I hear her let out a sob and she tries to compose herself, ‘’Y/M/N,’’ I sigh into the phone feeling myself begin to get emotional.  
 I hear her sniffle through the phone and she begins to talk, ‘’I don’t know anything. They just called me and said she was in a car accident she flipped four times,’’ She says getting chocked up. I try and get the picture out of my head of what Y/N must’ve been through. She was always so happy and so kind I had only seen her sad a few times in our entire relationship it felt like she was always this beaming ball of energy and happiness, and to picture her scared and injured was something I’d never be able to get out of my head. ‘’Four times, I mean I just don’t know-’’ She says and I can hear her begin to cry again. 
 ‘’Are you by yourself?’’ I ask her. 
‘‘Yes, right now I’m at the hospital I called Y/S/N but I think she’s at work. Y/D/N is on a business trip. I’m just waiting for someone to talk to me, I don’t know what-’’ She says and I can hear the panic in her voice. 
 ‘’Can I come sit with you?’’ I ask her. 
 ‘’You don’t have to you must be busy-’’ She begins to say. Y/M/N was always so concerned about me, When me and Y/N would come home for a visit her mom would always feel so guilty thinking she would take time away from my career. 
 ‘’I can come, I want to,’’ I say finally finding my keys. I look at Brian gesturing out the door and he nods his head understandingly. ‘’I’ll be there quickly as I can,’’ I say walking out the door of the studio. 
  I get there a few hours later, I took an flight and the entire way I felt this pit in my stomach as I got closer. How would she look? What would her state be? All the thoughts ran through my mind but I couldn’t even begin to prepare myself to see her in person. I walk through the halls of the hospital and I make my way to the wing that Y/M/N said she would be in the ICU, I finally spot her sitting on a bench with Y/S/N both their faces stained with tears.
 ‘’Hey,’’ I say walking up to them cautiously. Y/S/N looks up to me and gives me a small smile taking her hand and wiping her cheeks. 
 ‘’Hi Shawn,’’ She says. 
‘’Have you heard anything?’’ I ask her sister. 
 She looks at Y/M/N, She gets up, ‘’Mom, I’m going to go get us something from the vending machine, you need to eat.’’ She says rubbing her back. She looks at me gesturing me to follow her, I stuff my hands in my pockets and follow her down the hall. She stays quiet until we get to the vending machine then she starts putting in change, ‘’Thank you for coming,’’ She says not looking at me. 
‘‘You don’t have to thank me-’‘ I say almost continuing but I stop myself. 
 ‘’She is in a coma, they don’t know when she will wake up.’’ She says pausing. ‘’She had a collapsed lung, a broken arm, some broken ribs, as well as a concussion which right now is why they think she’s in a coma.’’ She says. 
 I try and hold back my tears, the hospital felt so dull and I didn’t like it. ‘’She must’ve been in so much pain,’’ I say hearing my voice break. Y/S/N looks over to me her eyes glazed over with tears. 
‘‘She still loves you, you know?’’ She questions and my head shoots up. I felt another pang in my chest but this time it was a good one like a surge of energy that told me to keep going, ‘‘She keeps up with you still, buys your merch and all,’‘ She admits smiling at me. ‘‘You’re special to her.’‘ 
 I smile at her, ‘’She’s special to me,’’ I admit. Her sister gives me an assuring smile and finally a tear rolls down her cheek and she laughs wiping it off. I put my arm around her giving her a hug and she hugs me back, ‘’She’ll be okay.’’ I say I didn’t know if it was for more me or her. 
 A few hours later we are able to go in the room, her mom gave me permission to come with. I hated to admit it but I felt a tingle in my fingers, apart of me didn’t want to see her, but the urge to see her was much stronger. When we walked in the door I felt myself take in a big breath as I saw her face laid upon a pillow. I watch as her hair laid across the white pillow case, I felt my self let out a shaken breath as I watch how peaceful she looked. It amazed me how much she had changed in the past eight months, her hair was different, her skin was more tan, and now she had scratches across her face and a bandage wrapped around her head. I cover my mouth with my hand and hold it over trying to let out a cry. Y/M/N and Y/S/N were sitting at her bed side her mom was laid across the bed leaning on Y/N’s chest as I could hear her crying. 
 I sit their and make my way closer to her bed putting my hand on the bed taking a seat by her feet. We sat there for what felt like hours and that was all we could do, just sit and wait. 
___ 
It was a few days later nine to be exact and Y/N still wasn’t awake, we had taken turns sitting by her side and It was now my turn. I was sitting against the chair it was about three in the morning and I felt myself moving around at how uncomfortable the chairs were. I kept shifting but the beeping also kept me awake. I finally got in a comfortable position and finally blocked out the beeping when I heard a voice call out. 
 ‘’Hello?’’ I hear her weak voice call out. 
 I immediately shoot up making my way to her bedside, her eyes were open slightly and she was looking around the room. She lifted her hand up and put it to her head and then she notices the IV hanging from her hand. She lifts her hands up and I get another glance at the bruises that scattered her body. 
‘‘Hey,’‘ I say softly making sure she could see my face. 
 ‘’Shawn?’’ She asks squinting her eyes. She looks around the room, ‘’Where? What happened?’’ She asks. 
 ‘’You got in an accident, a car accident.’’ I say to her and I watch her face scrunch up, ‘’You’re okay now,’’ I say to her reaching and pushing a strand of hair out of her face. 
 ‘’Why are you here?’’ She asks. 
‘‘I just-’‘ I pause trying to find my wording. ‘‘I wanted to make sure you were okay.’‘ 
 ‘’You came all the way here for this?’’ She asks letting out a laugh. 
‘‘Y/N you’ve been out for nine days..’‘ I say to her. ‘‘We were all worried, we didn’t know if you would wake up.’‘ I admit to her truthfully. I watch her face as she takes it all in. 
 She lets out a sigh of relief rolling her head to the side looking across the room. ‘’You brought your guitar,’’ She states not really a question. ‘’Play me something.’’ 
 I glance out of the room at the nurse station and back at her, ‘’I should really go tell someone you’re up..’’ I say walking toward the door. 
 ‘’Please, just play something,’’ She says. ‘’It’s been so long,’’ She states. 
 I sigh my eyes starting to feel with tears, she was right it had been a long time. I watch the small smile make its way across her face as I walk over picking up the guitar. I begin strumming and I watch as she closes her eyes a smile still stretched across her face. I think about the way things use to be, how she would be cuddled up in my side while I strummed the guitar the same smile on her face, a blissful smile. 
(PLAY THIS SONG ) 
 I begin singing to her watching as tears begin to roll silently down her face. I felt myself getting chocked up at a few parts during the song but I continue on wanting nothing more than to keep that smile on her face. I watch and think this is what I needed, I didn’t need anything else in the world. I needed her to be alive and well, smiling as I strum the guitar, I needed her to be by my side and for the time being this would do. 
frick I cried while writing this no joke
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the-elemental-sides · 5 years
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An Hour Left (Steampunk AU)
As previously stated, @fangirltothefullest’s Steampunk AU shot me through the heart. It’s five in the god dang morning and I just spent several hours writing about Automaton Virgil’s sad, slow winding down. I creeped on some of the worldbuilding given in the asks and tried to make it as accurate as possible to what we know! Warnings: Angst
Taglist + people asking to be tagged in fics: @alix-the-skeleton, @generalfandomfabulousness, @theevelynefurlongposts, @waxydoll, @aphandgflover, @ryuity, @veryvirginvirgil, @starlight-sanders, @gaylotusthatexists
6:00 PM
It’d been three days, now, since the five of them came to the junkyard. It had been so long. He was running out of time.
What started as brief stutters and drooping movements—passed off as aftereffects of the fire—became Virgil stumbling and shutting down completely in the middle of a ballet routine he’d started to cheer up Patton. In a panic, Patton had managed to jumpstart him. His key was gone, and it was undeniable that he couldn’t stay awake much longer. But he was still ticking.
“I have a little time,” Virgil mumbled. They’d hauled him into a big curved piece of metal that formed a comfortable den. His movements were stiff and conservative. But talking, as long as it was in low tones that didn’t rattle his system, didn’t waste as much energy.
“I have a sleep mode. Could save my energy. But no matter what, think I have...one hour left.”
“Just one hour?” Patton said. He and the others kneeled in front of him. Deceit was lopsided. Logan would need help standing up.
“I’ll make it midnight.” Virgil’s mouth curled into a wry smile. It was too much effort to change back, so he left it there. “That’s fun, huh? Devil’s hour or something. Keep you on your toes.”
For the next six hours, Virgil dozed. The evening passed.
12:00
At the stroke of midnight, Virgil’s eyes cracked opened. Logan and Roman were already kneeling over him.
“Virgil, Roman has something to tell you,” Logan said promptly. Roman nodded enthusiastically and opened his mouth.
“I heard...rattle, rattle, scrape?”
“No—Roman, I told you, use the hand signal system I designed for you. You’re only going to corrode your voicebox.”
Roman rolled his eyes, but he switched to fingerspelling his message. Logan patiently translated every letter.
“S-O-R-R-Y—Y-O-U-R-E—B-R-O-K-E-N. A-D-M-I-R-E-D—Y-O-U-R—D-A-N-C-E. S-H-O-U-L-D—H-A-V-E—G-O-N-E—B-A-C-K.”
“No, no,” Virgil said. “You couldn’t have done anything different. Look, Logan went back, and we saw how that turned out.”
“Yes, well,” Logan said, touching his armless stump.
“It could have been a lot worse for you than a couple of cracks and a broken voicebox.”
Roman nodded, but his eyes were sad. He lightly swatted Logan’s shoulder and started signing again. “H-A-D—T-O—B-E—V-O-I-C-E.”
“Yeah, of course it had to be, huh? I miss your singing too.” The Maker never liked it when he sang during parties because it took attention away from himself. Man, if Roman could sing now, they’d really be able to stick it to him.
Roman tried to hum a note—anything—but all Virgil heard was more scraping. A puff of smoke wisped from his mouth. Logan shook his head. “That’s enough. We can’t have two automatons breaking in one night.”
“Wait,” Virgil said after Roman had been shooed off to rest next to Deceit. “Logan?”
“Hm?”
“If it comes up—if there’s a choice—make sure you get fixed before me.”
“Virgil, that’s preposterous. It’s just an arm, I—“
“Logan, I heard it,” Virgil said, cutting him off sharply. “The screaming. I heard it.”
“The screaming,” Logan said, his arm drifting up to touch his stump in a, well, robotic motion. “You mean when….”
“It hurt, didn’t it?”
“...It did.”
“It’s not supposed to be like that.”
“It’s not.” Logan’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Virgil, I wouldn’t be telling you this if you—I—I would not reveal this information under normal circumstances, but it hurt. Truly, a lot. It’s the first time I ever felt anything like that. And...I’m frightened. We’re automatons. We’re not supposed to feel.”
“Then get it fixed,” Virgil said, eyes narrowed on Logan’s face. “...You keep touching your shoulder. Does it still hurt?”
“Yes,” said Logan. “It does.”
12:20
Virgil couldn’t move his head. He almost wasn’t aware of it at first—Patton had a light touch—but the healer was kneeling behind him, screwing around with his back.
“You’re not gonna fix it, Pat,” Virgil said, his eyes flicking to the right. “The key’s melted. Gone.”
“There must be a way,” Patton murmured. “We could rewire the system...find another key…”
“In the junkyard? We’re lucky we found me a cozy spot to die on.”
“Virgil!”
“I’m kidding,” Virgil said quickly, feeling Patton’s fingers grip his shoulders tightly. Patton moved into his field of vision, his eyes wide and scared. “I know I’m not really dying. I promise. I was joking to cope.”
Patton released him. A few seconds too late, he smiled shakily. “That’s our Virge.”
“You just focus on fixing up the others,” Virgil said, his gaze drifting to the star-filled sky. Silver lining: less robots to fix. Logan and Deceit and Roman could get all the attention they needed.
“Virgil?” Patton said after a little while. “Want me to keep looking at your back?”
“You know what? Nah. Could you just stay here for a little while?”
“Of course, kiddo.”
Patton scooted into his little enclave and leaned his head against Virgil’s. With great care, Virgil lifted his arm, inch by inch. Finally he managed to drape it over Patton’s shoulders.
“Now don’t get into too much trouble while I’m asleep,” said Virgil. “I won’t be able to talk you out of your bad ideas.”
Patton chuckled a little. “Like the time Roman wanted us to learn swordfighting and rebel against the Maker.”
“Or the time Logan tried to organize a union for the factory workers behind the Maker’s back.”
“Remember when you broke your foot doing ballet for the first time?” Patton asked. “You were so gloomy. You’d been built for one thing and you thought you failed at it!”
“I should have expected that, trying to make that landing.” Virgil’s eyes dropped to his ballet shoes. They’d somehow survived all the bits of jagged metal junk lying everywhere. They were a bit dirty and singed but unharmed. “Wonder if I could make it now.”
“That’s the first thing you’ll do once we get you a new key,” Patton said. “A big ol’ grand jeté all the way across the junkyard!”
“I’ll plan on it.”
A shadow fell over them, temporarily blocking out the stars. “Hogging Virgil in his last moments, are you?” a voice asked.
“Deceit!” Patton said. “What are you doing up?”
Deceit’s legs were bent at a funny angle where the joint and shin were missing. He shrugged casually—and very carefully, so he didn’t throw off his precarious balance. “Oh, you know. I was feeling better. Wanted to pitch my two cents in to the Virge.”
“Have a seat,” Patton said, patting the ground next to them.
“Actually, Roman needs your help,” Deceit said, gesturing over his shoulder. “Says his voicebox is acting up.”
“Again?” Patton hesitated. “Virgil, I…”
“Patton, go. I’ll just talk to Deceit for a little while.”
“All right.” Patton stood up. Virgil’s arm fell limply to his side. “Now don’t tire him out too much, Dee.”
“Who, me? Never.”
12:45
With great care Deceit lowered himself to the ground. His mobility was completely shot. Even worse off was his face. Half of it was simply missing, revealing the paneling and the glaring yellow pilot light beneath.
“Feeling all right?” asked Deceit.
Virgil took a bit to respond. He focused sluggishly on Deceit. “Oh yeah. Just...Tired.”
“Humans,” Deceit muttered darkly. “And they say we’re the heartless ones.”
“Hey, don’t bum me out now,” Virgil said. “I’ve got what, fifteen minutes?”
“More than that, I hope.”
Deceit leaned against the wall next to Virgil and stretched out his legs. Parts of them had been stripped away entirely, leaving only wiring. His left kneecap was missing some screws and rattled loosely every time he moved.
“The face I don’t mind,” Deceit said. “Maybe it’s even a good thing. No one wants to mess with a demented automaton. But my legs…”
“They’ll find a way to fix you.”
“Oh, I’ll get in line for it, I suppose. There’s too much for Patton to fix all on his own. By the time he sorts out one of us we’ll have all run out of gas. It’s just...frustrating. Because I can’t protect you.”
“That’s about how I feel,” said Virgil.
“Virgil, tell me,” Deceit said, turning his face to him. “How calmly are you taking this really?”
“I’m holding up,” Virgil answered.
“Well, that’s not vague at all.”
“No, it’s just...if I panic now I’ll just shut myself down.”
“You’ve had plenty of time to panic the last three days.”
“I guess I got it all out during the fire. I’m just glad all five of us are here. Together.”
“Together,” agreed Deceit. “Missing an arm, a voice, a face, a life…”
“Don’t put it like that,” Virgil said. “I’ll be asleep.”
“Of course.”
“It’s a standard procedure for windups. I heard it’s even recommended to let us wind down every year to let our systems reset. Of course, not like the Maker paid any attention to that, he just wound me tighter if I was acting funny…” Virgil’s voice trailed off. “Deceit.”
“Yes, Virgil?”
“Don’t tell any of the others this. I don’t know how they’ll handle it. But—I’m kind of scared, okay?”
“You, scared? Color me surprised.”
“I know, just—Deceit, am I ever going to wake up?” Virgil’s eyes met his, a note of panic in his low, slurred voice. “Deceit, will I ever be able to wake up again? Will it still be me?”
Deceit placed a tattered, gloved hand on Virgil’s shoulder. His exposed yellow eye glinted in the dark. “Don’t be silly. Of course you will,” said Deceit. “You have my word, all right?”
12:59
All four of them gathered around Virgil now, whose eyes moved in slow motion, slipping between the faces of his friends. “You all look so sad,” he said, his voice so low it was barely understandable. “Jus’ sleeping.”
“Of course, Virgil,” Logan said softly. All their eyes were so shiny. Automatons didn’t cry, right? They should probably get that checked.
“Take care of...”
Something ticked once and then stopped. Good. That noise had been getting annoying. What was it, anyway?
Oh. That was him, wasn’t it.
It was a little rude to stop in the middle of a sentence but Virgil couldn’t bring himself to care. He was so tired. He’d close his eyes just for a second
1:00
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gasters-story · 5 years
Text
Chapter 38
Word Count: 1,925
Compared to the other humans, it's been a long time since one has fallen down. Gaster spent his time waiting after he was done with his experiments. There wasn't much more for hum to do besides giving some blueprints and parts for adding onto the CORE every once and awhile. It wasn't enough to cure his boredom fully.
He still ignored Rocksan and Anton when they came by. He didn't care if it upset or worried them. He just wasn't in the mood for talking anymore. How could he be?
Gaster found himself pacing different rooms of the lab, muttering to himself. Usually no one was there when he did this, though if anyone did come by he'd stop and normally be silent.
One time it was Papyrus who came by, racing up with a paper in his hand. Gaster's red scarf was neatly tied around his neck, as it always seems to be since the first day Papyrus managed to get to wear it.
"Look at what I made!" Papyrus exclaims, shoving the paper in the other's blank face. The paper had a crayon drawing with Gaster, who was drawn fairly tall with the purple scarf on, in the middle. Sans and Papyrus were at his sides, Sans wearing his blue jacket while Papyrus had the red scarf and a yellow jacket. All three of them were smiling on the snowy scenery with Snowdin's decorated tree Papyrus loves a lot.
Something probably should have clicked inside Gaster, yet nothing did. "That's nice. Did you show Sans yet?" He simply responded, knowing Papyrus won't stop bothering without any answer. He was used to that fact by now.
"Yeah!" Papyrus answered. That was a fair one since he was probably next to Sans when he made it.
"Then go ask him where you should put it." Gaster responds, making Papyrus nod and run off. The scientist rubbed his face once the kid was gone, now having forgotten what he was pacing and muttering about. Papyrus had thrown him off track.
Gaster just decided to leave the labs for now and take a walk to Snowdin. Maybe he just needed fresh air, as fresh as it gets at least.
He didn't know exactly what he was going to do once he got to the snowy forest area but he just knew that's how far he was going to go. It wasn't until he walked past Anton's that he decided he would go in.
The place was it's usual warm feel and customers. The only difference was a more dim looking Anton, Rocksan sitting next to him, and the fact they were talking about Gaster. The scientist could read it on Anton's half even if he couldn't hear Rocksan's half. Gaster walked up anyways, sitting one stool away from Rocksan while Anton essentially was in the middle on the other side of the bar.
"Don't you have anything better to talk about?" Gaster asks when he gets there, making the two surprised. Rocksan sat up straighter, looking at the royal scientist, before looking away from the slightest bit of shame.
'Ah, hello Gaster. Surprise to see you here, but good as well.' Anton wrote, seeming tired compared to his normal mood.
"You seem dull." Gaster says, not really properly responding to the other. Anton silently sighed.
'It's been a long set of days, however many it's been. You know how it is.' Anton writes in response.
Gaster didn't say anything for a moment. "Can I get a water?" He asks, not following the previous topic again.
'I dunno, can you?' Anton cracks a grin of his own smart reply. 'Just kidding. I'll get you it.' He continued after seeing it didn't really have an effect on Gaster.
It was silent as Anton got Gaster his glass of water, Rocksan being not really sure what to say. Gaster didn't mind it as he sipped his water, though it clearly bothered the other two. The scientist just got up when he was done with the water to leave.
'I hope you visit again sometime.' Anton writes. Gaster just did a slight nod before checking the now beeping device in his pocket. Something wrong with the CORE, an urgent problem. With everyone already switched to using the CORE as their main power source rather than trying to manage just some temporary solutions, it would be terrible if the CORE shut down now. They already had to make ways to keep it cool, more problems wouldn't be good.
Gaster now walked with urgency compared to the sad, disappointing sack of bones he was earlier. Now he had a purpose to follow to the end. Honestly it made him feel a bit better to have something to do.
He made his way into the CORE, where the most recent addition was being made. Some workers were watching some exposed wires spark occasionally, clearly unsure what they should do. They became relieved when they heard and saw Gaster coming over.
"What's the problem here?" Gaster asks as he walks up. The head of the workers move forward to explain.
"Looks like something destroyed the panel and damaged some of the wires along with a special part we don't have access to. Whatever had bumped into it is going to cost us a bit for this section of the CORE." At least it was just for this section.
"I'll take a look then." Gaster says as he pushes past them to look. They were obviously right. Gaster paged Sans to deliver what he needed and waited for the skeleton to appear.
When Gaster saw Sans heading over he put on his electricity resistant gloves and took the parts and materials from the other's hands. Sans stayed next to the workers after. They all watched as Gaster cut off damaged wiring to make his way to the damaged parts behind. He'll weld the wires together with new ones once he's about done with this ordeal.
The main problem was getting the broken part unstuck. It was wedged in when it got snapped in half so Gaster had to use a screwdriver to try wiggling it out. The first half popped out just fine but the other was having trouble. It was most likely due to gravity not helping with the piece.
This then caused a big mistake on Gaster's part. He jammed the screwdriver in too hard trying to pry the part out that it broke it more and made a huge spark. It must've reached past the gloves, for the next thing he knew, he felt a large jolt through his soul. The spark managed to catch the edge of his magic system and shocked his soul like it would any other.
The shock of course hurt a lot, making Gaster hiss out a curse. His vision went blurry, worse than before at least. He was near-sighted, so usually it wasn't much of a problem, but now it felt like there was barely a point to any vision at all.
Sans and the workers started asking Gaster if he was okay but the royal scientist never responded to them. He just tried to power through what little vision he had so they just went quiet and watched as he ripped out the part with his gloved hand. He now could replace the broken part, since nothing else was hurt, and repair the wires. Once that was done he could replace the broken panel to cover it all.
"Th-there." Gaster almost wheezed out. He seemed so weak after the shock. Sans helped him up, worried that something was wrong with the other.  Gaster pushed away from him and stumbled. He leaned against a wall only inches from vanishing into a large, white void, one that can surely swallow him whole if he fell in.
Gasps of fear and shock sounded off because of his location. They were barely audible due to the loud ringing only Gaster could hear. Sans and the workers crowded around him, trying to help, but he pushed himself forward and made it halfway across the bridge over the white void.
He was refusing help. Sans had to approach from behind to not provoke the other. "Look, Gaster. I know you don't normally accept help from others but, please, let us just this once help you get back to the lab. After that you can take care of yourself. Please." Gaster still refused.
"I-I can get there m-myself." He muttered, causing Sans to worry more when he moved to keep going. Sans figured he could catch him in time since fighting wouldn't be worth it in the end.
Gaster made it past the first area fine, even if there were close calls. His bones started to shake as he got to the second area, causing more worry than before.
He won't make it past the second area at this rate. Sans realized this quick and tries to convince him again. "I really think you should let us help-"
"No!" Gaster yelled, turning his head slightly to look at Sans. He kept refusing help yet moving forward. He looked ahead and began to stumble again. The strong skeleton that could carry massive burdens was gone, as if being crushed by it. It was clear he was going to collapse soon from exerting himself.
The scientist teetered near the edge as he tried to keep walking. Sans tried to get closer but ended up making Gaster whip his head around and lose his balance. Next thing Sans knew, he had to reach over the edge to catch Gaster by the wrist.
He wasn't fighting this time. Instead, he stared up at Sans with his blurry eyelights. He didn't grab onto the other, though, to keep from falling. He just watched as he slipped from the other's grip slowly. Sans grabbed him by the soul with his magic as he heard gasps and the work crew running to get help.
Sans never really used his magic often like Gaster did. Maybe occasionally he would teleport past a door or downstairs to be slightly lazy, but it wouldn't have much effect on a moment like now. He struggled to hold Gaster up without straining himself.
"J-just… let go…" Gaster mumbled and closed his eyesockets. "D-don't hurt yourself over me."
Sans tried to argue, wanting to insist it was the lack of energy getting to his head. "If I let you go now, you won't be back. I'd bever be able to forgive myself then."
"And Papyrus n-needs a brother more than he needs me. You f-falling with me won't help the situation at all, w-will it?" Gaster sadly had a point and Sans knew that. He wished the other didn't, even if it would be strange that way. Tears began to form in his eyesockets.
"What about the people that don't want you to go?" Sans asks, trying to pull the other up although his lack of magic nade the other heavier. "They're getting help anyways, so I just have to hold out a bit longer."
Gaster let out one of his trademark sighs. "This wouldn't be the first time I've hurt people around me. It's just finally time for the final one. For it all to stop." He opened his eyesockets and stared at the other. Sans stared back as he made the hard decision to take the other's request seriously.
He let go and watched Gaster continue to fall into the white void, almost looking peaceful. He could almost hear the doors open behind him.
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esseastri · 5 years
Text
Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 11)
All right, now that it’s been 4 months and I’ve read all the other things, I realized that it’s, like, 5 days until this book has been out for a year and I should probably get the fuck on with it, so. Here we are.
Part 11 encompasses pages 828-934 (previous parts)
me in July: I’m almost done! I can finish this!
me, now: sweet christ I have a smaller novel’s-worth still to get through lord let me live
Aw, damn, I left off on Interludes, but I DON’T CARE ABOUT VENLI, WHERE MY BOYS AT
oh SNAP I WANT THAT, the ability to speak and understand all languages???? GRABBY HANDS
ah yes the “the alethi enslaved us so we should rise up and kill them by enslaving ourselves to this other, more horrible godlike being” narrative. my favorite.
sigh
why we gotta EXTERMINATE people?
I’m tired. of extermination plotlines.
Maybe. Venli and her lil light spren will stop? the extermination!? I’m here for that!
“There was an art to doing laundry” HONESTLY THO, HAVE YOU MET COLLEGE-AGE BOYS WHO NEVER LEARNED HOW MUCH SOAP TO USE? AMEN.
oh.
I forgot about Mraize. 
like, literally, 100% forgot about his existence. sorry alyx.
eyy, we found Shalash!
HE WAS LOOKING FOR HER?? IT WAS A TRAP??
admiralakbar.gif
...Mraize has a babsk? I didn’t think he was Thaylen????
“A resistance is not what we caught you mounting.” UGH. PICK THE HAMMER, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
Why do I feel like this is a “HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR. BRING FORTH THE BEAR” joke?
yeessssssss, VENLI!!! TAKIN RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!! I CARE NOW. I WANT HER TO BE BETTER, I WANT HER TO WORK THROUGH. GIIIRRLL!!!!
HOW LONG WILL YOU VACILLATE?
YESSSSS
gr oss? Tha nk s? for the melting flesh images??
yelch
PART FOOUUUUUURRR
that’s. so many POVs. What is this, a GRRM book?
also none of the POVs are Bridge Four and. WHEN WILL MY BOYS COME BACK FROM THE WAR.
wait, I could have sworn the Alethi had been fighting the Parshendi for ten years?? but Dalinar is talking to Gavilar EIGHT years ago?
Did I miss smthn?
Did I conflate the Shattered Plains with the Trojan War? I’m confused.
Lisa has done Math for me and found out that it was only 6 years????????? Why did I think it was ten??? I COULD HAVE SWORN IT WAS TEN????
“his job was to loom” heheheh
so... Dalinar is the nuclear deterrent and the nuclear threat all in one?
Dalinar, leaning into the mic: “The truth is... I am Iron Man.”
#Evideservedbetter2kForever
OH NO A BABY
TINY FIFTEEN YEAR OLD ADOLIN IS MAKING MY HEART SING
“I had this specially tailored” I LOVE HIM
OHHHHH
HE’S TRYING SO HARD TO IMPRESS HIS DAD I’M CRYING
“When censured, Adolin only tried harder.” I! LOVE! THIS! TINY! SUNLIGHT! BOY!
I wanna write fic where Adolin Kholin meets Luke Skywalker and the world literally EXPLODES IN SUNLIGHT AND SOFTNESS.
“Who could deny him?” CERTAINLY NOT ME, I WOULD DIE FOR ADOLIN KHOLIN TOO GOOD TOO SOFT FOR THIS WORLD
me, squinting: “which Herald is Ahu?”
my running method is to just suspect everyone of being a Herald. At some point, I’ll have to be right.
WHICH! HERALD! IS! AHU!
HE’S TALKING ABOUT THE UNMADE LIKE HE KNOWS THEM PERSONALLY, TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY LET THEM IN. WHICH!!! HERALD!!! IS!!! AHU!!!!
LISTEN, I JUST WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE HERALDS. GIMME A BOOK ABOUT THE HERALDS, BRANDON!
GIMME THAT JUICY GOOD BACKSTORY, BRANDON!!!
me: why is there a map with the sea but Kholinar is on it???
two seconds later: OOOHHH DUH IT’S SHADESMAR
wack y fun!
ARE DREHY AND SKAR OKAY???? THEY DIDN’T COME WITH???
ARE THEY OKAY?
OH NO OH NOO I’M GONNA WORRY AOBUT THEM FOREVER
Adolin, say hi to your swwooooorrdddd
....the Oathgate has souls?
what?
Fearspren: gross.
I knew they were all bigger on the inside, as it were, but. #yikes?
“Kaladin’s not well.” “I have to be well.”
BRB SOBBING ABOUT KALADIN
I’M!
HE’S SO STRONG
I’M! HELP!
GIANT CLAW? UNMADE!!?? LET’S KILL IT. IDK IF WE CAN BUT CAN WE TRY??
“sword lady” HEH
ok well, at least we know Drehey is alive, since Shallain bumped into his soul, which is both TERRIFYING and REALLY COOL
YOU’RE NOT NOTHING, ADOLIN, YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND I LOVE YOU.
*long keening noises*
I FELL ON THE FLOOR
“Hey,” Adolin said. “It will be all right.” “I survived Bridge Four,” Kaladin growled. “I’m strong enough to survive this.” “I’m pretty sure you could survive anything. Storms, bridgeboy, the Almighty used some of the same stuff he put into Shardblades when he made you.” Kaladin shrugged. But as they walked onto the next platform, his expression grew distant again. He stood while the rest of them moved on. Almost like he was waiting for their bridge to dissolve and dump him into the sea. “I couldn’t make them see,” Kaladin whispered. “I couldn’t...couldn’t protect them. I’m supposed to protect people, aren’t I?”
GUESS WHICH PART BROKE MEGAN
GUESS WHICH PART DUMPED MY HEART ON THE FLOOR
ANYWAY, I’M CRYING
THISISFINE.PNG
“I’m frightened. I talk when I’m frightened.” I LOVE HIM.
ADOLIN’S HELOIGN HIM HE’S MAKIN HIM TALK TO DISTSRAT HIM AND MAKE HIM JEEP WALKING AND I”M
I LOV A SUNSHINE BOY
SO MUCH
...is Vivenna okay?
oh shiiit, Adolin is? king????
sort of? almost??
oh man, he’s gonna be SO GOOD AT IT!!!! LOOK AT HIM TAKING CHARGE AND TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE. HE’S SUCH A GOOD LEADER, HE’S GOING TO BE SOOOOOO GOOOOOOODDD AT THIS!!!!
that chapter was a Lot
OH NO A SZETH CHAPTER
I’ve only been asking for this for tHE WHOLE BOOK
but now I’m gonna be MORE SAD
.......idk how I feel about the soul-after-image thing. it’s interesting, but I’m still a lil weirded out by Szeth...you know...being alive?
huh. Vasher knows about the magic fish? So....does this validate Lisa’s theory about the fish and the birds from that other cosmere thing I can’t remember bc I haven’t read it?
holy shit, that’s a LOT of skybreakers.....
...who have been around the WHOLE TIME???? WTF
So...Szeth can hear the Spiritual Realm.....and is going to bond a spren, of the Cognitive Realm...and is in the Physical Realm... so does that make him the Avatar, Master of All Three Realms?
(while he may have a lot to learn, I believe that Szeth can save the world)
hm. they’re so...regimented. militaristic. ritualized. They’ve got tests and rules for getting in and it’s all very well-put-together. and it’s WEIRD compared to everyone else stumbling into their Ideals. Is this what is was like before the Recreance? or is this just the Skybreakers being Skybreakers?
why are there kaladin flashbacks in the dalinar book, why, brandon, why must you hurt me in this way
Brandon: *mentions Tien* Me, softly: “no”
HE REALIZED HE COULD KILL AND THAT’S WHAT TERRIFIED HIM
THISISFINE.PNG
I’M EMOTIONAL AND KALADIN IS SAD AND I’M UPSET
Also, Syl just. grabbing his arm and snuggling him is VERY GOOD, SHE IS VERY GOOD, AND SHE SHOULD BE WORSHIPED FOR BEING SO VERY WONDERFUL
“It cannot be holy. If it truly were, it would have burned me away long ago.” I’M SAD NOW, THANKS.
I have weird emotions about people losing their faiths, and Szeth’s character arc has been particularly. compelling to me.
“Here’s what you have to do: fight him and win!” has the same energy as that obnoxious Assassin’s Creed “tip” that’s like “the trick to staying alive to is get your enemy’s health bar to zero while keeping your above zero” and I’M SO PLEASED.
ooohh shit
he drew Nightblood
which I feel is NOT RECOMMENDED
# Y I K E S
Skybreakers take the “lawful” part of DnD alignments to a very unhealthy extreme
tbh they’re a lil fucked up, ngl
Skybreakers make me uncomfortable, is what I’m saying.
“he had never mastered the ‘sleep anywhere’ skill the grunts bragged about” NEERRRRDD
WHEN WILL ADOLIN REALIZE HE’S A REALLY GOOD LEADER??? SOMEONE TELL HIM, I WOULD BUT I’M TOO FAR AWAY.
oh that makes sense
I was confused for a hot second about how Vivenna knew Adolin’s kata, but she probably learned it from Vasher who...also...taught Adolin. Duh.
“I’m just a woman who has been constantly out of her league since adolescence.” Viveennnnaaaaaa, darling. You’ll be all right.
also that makes total sense--the Horneater Peaks? If they’ve got a portal, it makes sense they’re so much more in tune to the spren. Easier border crossings.
PEOPLE live in this realm? What the??
I don’t know Nazh, but the fact that he has an embarrassing tattoo due to Horneater lager bad decisions DELIGHTS ME
hm. idk why I’d sort of assumed that Dalinar went to visit the Nightwatcher before Gavilar died, but. maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it was a consequence of Gavliar’s death. 
“the other one” GET FUCKED WITH A CACTUS, PAST!DALINAR 
OOHH
SOFT BOY
Renarin is such a Good
also, Dalinar HUGGING is SO GOOD KEEP DOING THAT THAT WILL HELP
“Humans, you must stop your emotions. They are very inconvenient here.” I think, Pattern dear, that Shallan rather thinks emotions are inconvenient everywhere.
mmmmmmmmmmmmm
HERE WE ARE AGAIN
ANGER IS ALWAYS THE FIRST STAGE OF DEPRESSION
HELLO, KALADINMEGAN BRAIN, IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU WERE SO NEATLY SPELLED OUT BUT HERE WE ARE AGAIN
“You’re not angry at anyone, you’re just looking for something to latch onto. Something to feel.” To stave off the darkness of unfeeling and anger is easy. It’s irrational and warm and so easy. So it’s always the first one to go.
“It would continue until numbness seemed preferable.” GOD YUP. THERE IT IS.
It’s still really validating and really, really unsettling to see your brain problems spelled out so succinctly.
oh lord
“Men he loved, killing each other.”
I’M UPSET
(and the very tiny garbage part of my brain goes, ‘see he LOVES Moash’)
ADOLIN TAKING THE REARGUARD BECASUE SOMETIMES KALADIN NEEDS LOOKING AFTER I’M EMOTIONAL
Syl had a different Kaladin before Kaladin?? Wild.
and GOD but the symbology of the LIGHTHOUSE in Kaladin’s chapter. I’m. <3
EEEYYYY NAVANI!!!
she made them carry their own chairs, GOD THE MEANING BEHIND THAT, I LOVE HER
“Elhokar and Adolin are safe somewhere.” ABOUT THAT....
LOPEN, PLS
Bridge Four’s unwavering belief in Kaladin is SURE A THING. I love them SO MUCH.
also, god, MY BOYS, here they are, eating all the food and being ridiculous losers at a formal event I HAVE MISSED THEM SO
god, fuc you Ialai. ofc she didn’t carry her own chair, fukin JERK
good to know the assholery of the Sadeas name is being upheld, even after his death
god, every time Taravangian is mentioned, my gut just clenches, he makes me SO NERVOUS
GOD YES OH MY GOD, LIFT VS ROCK EATING CONTEST PLS GIMME MORE
I have forgotten that I love Sebarial. Petition for him to show up more often.
OH GOOD HE’S HAVING A BAD DAY. EXCELLENT. HE’S MUCH BETTER WHEN HE’S STUPID
...unless he’s super smart today and just pretending to be stupid.
fuck
IT’S SO HARD TO TELL WITH HIM ARGH
ANYONE ELSE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE DISCUSSION OF INVADING SHINOVAR WHEN SHINOVAR IS THE ONLY PLACE THAT DOESN’T HAVE A REPRESENTATIVE AT THIS COUNCIL???? JUST ME? OKAY.
also they keep talking about Shinovar as a redoubt and a haven, but....didn’t the Everstorm--going the wrong way--destroy Shinovar? Has anyone checked??
Navani is so clever and it’s brilliant.
“Taravangian was talking about having you tour Vedenar personally”....alone....so he can MURDER YOU. BAD IDEA. ABORT MISSION.
KALADIN HAD AN OLD LADY SLAVE FRIEND WHO DIED AND I’M SAD AGAIN DAMNIT
“He’s got battle fatigue. We have to watch him when he’s sitting around doing nothing, not when he’s got a specific mission.” MMMMMMHHHMMMMMMM
the future is forbidden, but not to Truthwatchers, sooooooo... is. this “Oracle”. a.......... Herald? PERCHANCE.
(He’s not, but I AM SUSPICION INCARNATE)
Weren’t they lying at the beginning and saying that Shallan was an Elsecaller? Because Odium thinks she’s an Elsecaller for some reason. And I wonder...who he’s spying through and where his attention is focused and who told him the lie?
KALADIN JUST WANTS TO SAVE HIS DAD IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK
aight, which world does canned food come from? How far ahead is the mistborn world whose name I can’t remember right now but it begins with an s SCADRIAL YEAH THAT ONE how far ahead is Scadrial in technological progression? Where does the Stormlight Archive fall on the mistborn timeline?
ADOOOLLIINNN. TALK! TO YOUR SPREN!!!
THEY DON’T KNOW??? THE BOYS DON’T KNOW? HOW THEIR MOTHER DIED?
HOW DO THEY NOT KNOW?
oh my god
that
god, that’s a huge lie to believe for so, so long. ohhh my goddd
someone has been writing down all the Unmades’ names, right? So I can look them up in the Coppermind later and be confused and try to work out which is which and what they do and how terrified I should be of them? cool thanks.
HELLO DARKNESS, MY OLD FRIEND
HE’S GONNA TELL US SECRETS!!!!! ARE THEY USEFUL!? WILL I LEARN THINGS ABOUT THE HERALDS!!!!??
I have one (1) priority in this establishment
...why does Syl have color
who is she
also LIGHTSPREN/REACHERS??? COOL AS FUCK OMG
“You don’t fly, you fall the wrong way.” Hehehehehehe <3
I HAVE MISSED KALADIN’S SELF-DEPRECATING JOKES THAT ARE FUNNY BUT ALSO VERY PAINFUL god, I love him. I love him so much. idk if y’all know this about me.
...ok, but the punny banter between Kaladin and Shallan is SO NICE Why do they have to be mean to each other so often why can’t they just be terrible sarcastic pun buddies?
“In that polished breastplate and striking figure, with her talk of chasing bounties and traveling worlds. She’s deeply mysterious.” CAREFUL, SHALLAN, YOUR BI IS SHOWING.
“The feeling was friendship, but neither of them had ever experienced it.” 
NOPE
NOOOOOOPPEE
WHO WANTS TO BET THIS SCENE IS SHIP FODDER DEAR LORD
Kaladin, darling, that shit is SO UNHEALTHY, DO NOT ENCOURAGE THIS
god
also like. darling. no. “I wish I didn’t have to care” DARLING ALL YOU DO IS CARE WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT CARING
THIS IS GOOD FOR NEITHER OF YOU STOP
DO NOT ENCOURAGE THAT IN HER AND DO NOT WISH THAT FOR YOURSELF, jesus
lord, ok, well, I’ve read 100 pages, so on that disappointing character note, I’m going to go to bed.
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xxx-cat-xxx · 6 years
Text
I don´t need to be the hero tonight
Another Iron Man Sickfic. This time he´s in a pretty bad shape both physically and mentally due to a battle lost, but, being Tony, tries to pretend that all is well in front of May and Peter. Set sometime after Spiderman: HC, assuming that May knows about the true nature of Peter´s internship by then. h/c, emeto, that´s it. For anyone wondering, the title is from a song I was listening to while writing (as in the first two fics I wrote).
I´d love to hear what you think about it.
Tony was mentally done with the day before it had even started. But he had promised Peter to accompany him and May on a picnic, and Tony Stark took pride in being man who kept his promises. So, he limped into the elevator that brought him down to the garage, dragged himself into one of his sports cars and set off to pick up his protégé .
He groaned when he left the highway and turned into a road filled with potholes that marked the entrance to Peter´s neighbourhood. Tony was hurting all over - nothing too serious, but enough to make him more than uncomfortable, especially when the car wanted him to witness every bump in the pavement.
He had taken heavy hits in the fight the day before, was covered in bruises and still bleeding from small to medium-sized wounds in several places. He was probably lightly concussed - at least the pounding ache in his head and the slight nausea in his stomach told him so, but he couldn´t be sure since he had not bothered to consult medical after the battle had taken a turn from bad to worse.
But to be honest, the headache might also stem from the indecent amounts of scotch in which he had tried to drown his anger after reaching back, or from the fact that he had just completed his third sleepless night in a row. He had actually planned on getting to bed early yesterday, not wanting to show up all zombie-like on Peter´s doorstep, but the debrief-turned-lecture had taken till 2 in the morning, and then his armour had been in dire need of repair, which was something he never, ever put off to later.
When he had been done mending the suit, the sun had already been up, and weighing the benefits of two hours napping against the amount of energy it would have taken to drag himself out of bed, he had opted for a long shower and a few cups of coffee in front of the TV instead. Which had done nothing to improve his mood, since footage of the inglorious battle had been playing up and down on every single channel in the country.
When he pulled up in front of May´s appartment, Peter was already waiting outside, and he couldn´t help but smirk at the happy smile on the kid´s face. He tried to get out of the car as smoothly as possible, but his swollen left knee protested at the movement and he couldn´t suppress a wince when he stood. Peter noticed and opened his mouth to ask, but Tony cut him off when May appeared.
“Pete, you never told me you were hiding a secret sister somewhere?” he joked, waving at May.
“And he never told me that you left engineering and are doing professional boxing now?” she rebutted, taking in the impressive shades of red and blue that decorated Tony´s face, before giving him a tight hug. “It´s nice to see you, Tony.”
As soon as they were sitting in the car, Peter started questioning him.
“What happened yesterday, Mr Stark? You got pretty beaten up, didn´t you?”
Tony frowned while turning down the heavy metal blarring from the car´s speakers. “Ya, kid, not really our most glorious moments. Would rather we don´t talk about it now?”
“But you should have called me! I could have helped, I-”
“No way, kiddo.” Tony gave him a serious look through the rear mirror. “That yesterday was NC-17, that was way above your paygrade. Apart from that, you had an exam, didn´t he?” He nodded in May´s direction for confirmation.
“Phh...” Peter blew out air angrily.
“Still, Tony”, May said in a softer voice, “you look pretty pale, are you alright? We saw you being thrown into that building on TV, Peter was worried all night you wouldn´t show up...”
“Hey, I wasn´t  really - that´s not fair,” Peter interrupted her, his face flushing red.
“I´m good”, Tony said, blinking away his ever-growing headache “Have a little faith, it takes more than a few criminals gone wild to bring down Iron Man.”
---
May and Peter had tried hard to produce a perfect picnic, and Tony felt guilty about how he just couldn´t really bring himself to enjoy. He pretended alright, chatting away, cracking jokes and having a competition with May about who could embarass Peter the most. He complimented May on her dress (which was in fact very nice) and the homemade food she´d brought (which was not). But in between, he could feel his mind drifting back to the battlefield, replaying the scenes, thinking about what he could have done different to yield a better outcome.
But the truth was, with a team that practically only consisted of him, Nat and his armours, with Rhodey on comm duty since he still hadn´t been cleared to fight, there was only so much he could do in a situation where they were significantly outnumbered. He didn´t want to admit it, but they would have needed Steve Rogers out there. The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth.
He felt himself grow more and more tired over the course of the morning, the lack of sleep finally catching up with him. Every muscle in his body was aching, the bruises and cuts throbbing in the rhythm of his heartbeat. His head was definitely hurting bad now, the too-bright summer sun constantly sending jolts of pain through his brain, and he wished he´d brought some Excedrin. He briefly considered asking May whether she carried any painkillers, but he didn´t want to give himself away, didn´t want to ruin the lighthearted atmosphere by getting them worried over him.
When they finally made to leave, he stood up too fast while trying to help May fold the picnic rug, and the world suddenly dissolved into pixels of blackness. Tony felt himself swaying on his feet, grasped for something to steady himself and only found Peter´s arm. He held onto it tightly while the ground tilted away from him and reality took too long to reassamble in front of his eyes.
When he could see halfway clearly again, he was on the ground, May and Peter hovering over him, their faces tainted with concern. So much for not getting them worried.
“Tony? Can you hear me?” May asked.
“Yeah, I can. I´m sorry, I´m alright”, he breathed while slowly sitting up, feeling shaky and stupid.
“Are you okay? What happened?” Peter asked, his voice high and shrill in Tony´s ears.
“I just, kind of, got dizzy for a moment.” He took the hand Peter offered to pull himself upright, trying to look like he didn´t need it, trying not to let vertigo bring him down again, and trying not to put too much weight on his bad knee.
“You didn´t sleep last night, did you?” the kid asked.
Tony´s silence was answer enough.
“Okay, we´ll get you home and then you rest, Tony.” May said with an authority in her voice Tony hadn´t noticed before. “Just get into the car, I´ll drive us back.”
“Hey, this is a very expensive model, dont break anyth- ” he was cut off with a glance that made him understand why Peter would sometimes be afraid of that woman. He briefly considered insisting that he should drive - it was is car, after all - but then deemed it not worth the argument. Also, he had to admit that he was probably not in the condition to walk a straight line right now, let alone operate a vehicle. He was seeing everything through a blurry haze, and things seemed to be moving at a lower speed than they usually did.
They drove in silence. Tony was too exhausted to come up with anything to say, and Peter, who was sitting at the back with him, was evidently unsure about how to behave. He kept on shooting him worried glances every few seconds until Tony had enough of it.
“Geez, kid, stop glaring. I´m not gonna pass out on you.” It came out harsher than intended. God, he was tired. And nauseous. He was starting to taste May´s homemade blueberry cake at the back of his mouth, and he desperately wished that they would make it back fast.
Peter just looked at him, a little sadness in his eyes. “That wasn´t what I was thinking about. It´s just...you need to start taking care of yourself, Mr Stark. You just keeled over and I, I-” he broke off, looking at May for help.
“Noone would have been angry if you had called the picnic off today, Tony.” she said quietly. “Of course we want to spend time with you, but we would have understood if you had taken the day off to rest.”
Tony knew they were right. But he also knew that the person they were talking about, a person who would cancel commitments just because he´d taken a few hits and hadn´t slept a while, was not and never could be Iron Man. So he didn´t reply, instead opting to lean his aching neck back against the headrest and close his eyes.
---
He woke up to his stomach turning over when May took a particularly narrow curve. “Shit”, he cursed under his breath. That was definitely not how the day was supposed to go. He fought down a gag, tasting bile at the back of his mouth.
“May, pull over, please - “ he urged, swallowing heavily. May took only a few seconds to bring the car to a hold at the side of the forest road. He scrambled through his brain for a viable excuse while unbolting his seat belt with shaky fingers, but he couldn´t find any. There was no time, anyways. He felt cold sweat breaking out over his brow while his stomach went into contraction.
He stumbled out of the car and limped a few meters into the forest as fast as he could, desperate to get out of eyesight, before he bent over and retched violently. He brought up undigested food he had eaten at the picnic, the smell of it making him even more nauseous. He heaved again, pain zig-zagging through his body, his worn out muscles protesting against the strain. His head was threatening to burst into pieces.
It took what felt like years for his stomach to empty itself, and Tony was trying to catch his breath when he heard Peter´s voice hesitantly calling out from behind him.
“Mr Stark, do you need help?”
“I´m good, kid” Tony croaked, his voice hoarse from retching. “Be right back, don´t come he-”
“Oh. Yikes.” Peter stepped out from behind a tree, cringing when he saw the mess on the ground.
“Told you not to come here.” Tony said weakly, wiping a shirt sleeve over his mouth and leaning heavily against a tree when vertigo made the world sway again.
“I´m okay, just, give me a minute.” he breathed, “and please don´t let May see me like this, seriously.”
“Ya, she´s not stupid. She sent me to check you´re not dead.” He took in Tony´s trembling form, frowning. “Not sure what to tell her, though.”
“I´m just....” he trailed of, unable to bring himself to lie to the kid again. “Fine, I´m not okay right now. But I will be, I promise.” He breathed in slowly. “Just took a bad beating yesterday, and I´m not good at losing. But it´s not the first time, and I´m gonna get over it. Just please don´t worry so much, Pete.”
Tony glanced over at him, trying for it not to look pleading. He was hurting everywhere, feeling like he might pass out or puke again any minute, couldn´t get that god-damn fight out of his head, and on top of it all, he had managed to get the kid genuinely upset over his lack of self-care. He had failed on all levels, and he just couldn´t handle all the emotions raining down on him right now. 
Peter seemed to look right through him for a minute.
“You want some water?” he offered finally, and Tony gratefully took the bottle to rinse his mouth. He allowed Peter to put a supporting arm around his shoulders while they slowly made their way back to the car.
“You know, Mr Stark,” Peter said when they had nearly reached the street where May was waiting, “I get it that you are upset about that battle. But... I saw the footage on TV. And if I just one day in my life put up a fight like you did yesterday, I´d be really proud of myself.”
And for the first time that day, Tony felt himself hiding not only his pain, but a genuine smile from Peter Parker.
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Sarah Lyons x Female Lone Wanderer Christmas Fanfic
(This is probably not as good I as I hope but I started this at 3:30am and I’m tired lol, I am currently writing this part at 4:45am but anyways...on to the fanfic!)
It was December 25th 2277 and it was Lissandra's first Christmas outside of Vault 101. She wasn't sure if she should be glad she managed to live this long or sad. She had lost her father over the course of months but managed to find Madison Li, the woman her mother wanted to be her Godmother. She defeated the Enclave and with the Lyon's Pride Brotherhood of Steel and currently resided at The Citadel. The Citadel, regardless of the fact that everyone was soldiers, was actually a lot more lively than the Vault.
Sure the Overseer would organize a Vault wide party in their atrium but here, everyone was laughing and even drinking some pretty rancid stuff regardless if it was a holiday or not. Apparently one of the Scribes had made moonshine, she only knew of moonshine from the pre-war history books that had been in the Vault. A week prior they had each been given a name, they had to find a present for that person as some sort of game. She was pretty sure it was called Secret Santa, the adults played it in the Vault. She had drawn Sarah Lyons...okay that was a bit hard. If she had to described in four words, Lissandra would say: Woman shaped battering ram. The Power Armor the woman wore made her look smaller than she actually was.
It wasn't until the day after Fawkes, her rather intelligent Super Mutant friend/companion, turned on the purifier instead of Lissandra or Sarah sacrificing themselves, that she saw Sarah out of her armor. The Citadel had showers for women and men, in separate rooms of course, and Lissandra had gone there shortly after arriving and saw the older woman in nothing but a tank top and her Brotherhood issued pants. She wasn't even sure if woman shaped battering ram was fitting for her, she would love to see her try and arm wrestle Fawkes.
She managed to find to put together a pretty powerful laser rifle as an actual clean look canvas with intact and still slightly liquid paint, nothing a bit of water wouldn't fix. She first sketched out the Lyon's Pride symbol before painting it with Sarah's face on one side and her father's on the other side. She knew how important they were to one another, maybe not as close as Lissandra had been to James but they loved one another.
The 19 year old tipped the fine tipped brush into white paint before signing on the black background 'Lissandra' in the bottom right corner. Granted, they were suppose to do one present but it was after all her first Christmas outside the vault. She missed her friends, she missed Amata, she missed the safety of the Vault but at the same time didn't. She reached over and plucked a Fancy Lad Snake Cake from it's box and pealed the wrapping off it before popping the small cake into her mouth.
There was a knock on the door and before she could say anything, the door opened and she instantly turned the easel, she had also found with the canvas, around so it's back faced Owyn Lyons, Sarah's father. He chuckled and rubbed at his beard. "You get me?" She shook her head. "Sarah?" She remained quiet. "I won't tell her kid."
Lissandra swallowed the cake and nodded before turning it for him to see. "I already made her a new rifle but...I wanted to do more."
He looked impressed, speechless even. The girl mainly kept to herself, except for asking for a few missions here and there to earn some caps, they knew nothing other than she came from Vault 101, was James' daughter and was Madison's Goddaughter...not that Madison seemed to pay much attention to her. She took the silence to grab another snack cake, this time biting it in half. "You paint?"
"I did my fair share in the vault." Lissandra answered truthfully. "It's been maybe two years since I last picked up a paint brush." Speaking of which, she picked up the fine tipped brush and put it into the cup of water, swirling it around to clean the brush of the paint.
"Well I think she'll love it."
"I hope so." she laughed making him smile. "What can I do for you Elder?"
He looked confused before realizing he came here for a reason. "Oh." He looked at the pocket watch he carried. "It's seven forty-five. The party starts in fifteen. Trying to give everyone a heads up. Be in the common room at eight." She nodded and he left her room.
"Right." was all she could say as she looked at the painting.
Pulling her Vault suit up from where it hung at her waist and slid her arms in, pulling the zipper up to the middle of her chest and grabbed the wrapped rifle, it was in a box...there was no way in held she'd try to wrap it with out a box. Her father taught her to always find a box big enough if she believed she couldn't wrap the actual present. Looking at the canvas, she debated whether or not to quickly go find something to put it in but shook her head. No time. She tested several spots with her fingers to make sure it was dry and it was, her name drying quickly too.
The common room was about three minutes from her room, it got so loud in there sometimes that it used to keep her up but she was used to it now. She walked in and saw several BoS Soldiers sitting around, enjoying that fucking moonshine. She threw up the first time she drank it and had never heard Sarah laugh so hard before while trying to comfort the puking teen. She instantly went to her normal corner and sat down on a couch when Sarah walked in in nothing but a tank top and her standard issue BoS pants, she'd suggest it was a cold but the Capital Wasteland rarely got cold anymore since the Great War.
She was carrying a box and was laughing when one of the soldiers attempted to pass her a beer bottle re-purposed as a moonshine bottle. She waved her hand and said something along the lines of later. She looked at Lissandra and that smile turned bigger. She moved through the growing crowd of soldiers and stood on the other side of the table that Lissandra sat in front of. "You look pretty." she stated making the 19 year old knit her brows together. She looked pretty? She looked like she did every day just minus the smell of the wasteland.
"...uh...thanks?" she asked.
The Sentinel looked around and noticed people were already giving their presents. "Here." she put the box on the table making Lissandra realize they had gotten each other.
The young woman blinked several times before snapping out of whatever stupor she was in and put her box on the table before pushing it to Sarah. "I got you." she stated making the blonde snort with laughter. "Do you want that first or..." she raised the canvas up a bit that was backwards so Sarah couldn't see it yet.
"Oh!" she reached out for it making Lissandra hesitantly pass it to the older woman.
Once it was in the Sentinel's hands there was no going back. It was turned over and she saw those blue eyes taking in every inch of it. Her own hazel eyes looking nervous as she tried to figure out what expression she was reading. "Sentinel?"
Sarah opened her mouth but automatically shut it. It was a good solid and agonizing three minutes before those blue eyes looked up and locked with Lissandra's hazel eyes. "This is beautiful." she spoke making the Lone Wanderer's heart almost leap out her chest. "You did this?" The young woman nodded. She moved around the table and actually hugged the woman making her tense up and squeak as she felt those powerful arms wrap around her.
"Might wanna open your other gift before you put me in this bear hug." she managed.
"Alright but after, you're opening yours."
"Yes ma'am." chuckled the teen.
The wrapping paper wasn't proper wrapping paper. She took pages from old and destroyed books, she actually liked how it turned out.  She watched as Sarah seemed to carefully take the wrapping off, maybe she wanted to read the pages? The top of the box was lifted off and inside was the laser rifle that took Lissandra two sleepless nights to get working. On both sides was the Lyon's Pride symbol painted on it. She picked it up and took some of the energy cells she put in the box into the gun before watching it light up as it activated.
She aimed and fired, the laser cutting a moonshine bottle directly in half and striking the wall, leaving a scorch mark in it's wake. Everyone jumped at the sound of the bottle breaking, mainly from the top of the bottle hitting the ground and shattering rather than the laser cutting it in half. "I tested it on super mutants, it's very efficient." she stated as Sarah ejected the energy cell.
"You're amazing, you know that." she spoke tilting her head to the side making a blush appear on the young woman's cheeks. "You found this?"
"M-Made it. I made it."
"Alright, amazing is an understatement." she sat her gun down gently and smacked the younger of the two hard on the back. "Your turn."
Right, it was wasn't it? She noticed the wrapping on her present was posters, possibly pre-war posters at that. She undid them gently and lifted the top off to see a leather jacket that made her think of Tunnel Snakes, fucking Tunnel Snakes, but her eyes locked on the yellow 101 stitched into the back making her pull it out and smile. The jacket Butch gave her when she left had been warm and this felt about the right weight. She shifted and slid it on before smiling as she tugged the sleeves up a bit to her elbows, the sleeves of her Vault suit sticking out.
The blonde tugged on it a bit before smiling. "Guess that kid at Rivet City was right about your size."
Wait what? "Kid? What kid?"
"Butch I think. He said he knew you when he heard me mention your name. Admitted to bullying you when you were younger, almost broke his nose but he managed to say you two were friends now."
Where they friends now? She'd have to go to Rivet City and see what he was doing there? Sure she sided with Amata to keep Vault 101 open but she didn't expect anyone to leave or at least leave and go that far. Rivet City took Lissandra about a fully day to reach due to all the Super Mutants, Raiders, and creatures that wanted to kill her. She looked back in the box and saw a framed photos that made her heart nearly stop. One was of herself with her father, having been taken by Jones a few months before James left the Vault, the second was a photo of her father with her mother, and the third was her mother's favorite biblical saying. The last time she saw these three photos, they had been in her father's room and office back in the Vault.
She picked up the photo of herself and her father, her thumb rubbing across the glass. "How?"
"I went to your Vault after getting the jacket by Butch made. He said the current Overseer would know what else to give you. Some of the inhabitants were not friendly but that Amata, sweet girl." Lissandra knew she was a sweet girl and when she was younger, she had a crush on her best friend up until she was 18 but had she been sweet the day she told Lissandra she could never be apart of the Vault again? That hurt more than anything. She helped Amata take control of the Vault from her father and was told that there was no longer a place for her to stay in the Vault.
Fawkes being the gentle soul he was, carried a distraught Lissandra back to the Citadel. Her mind wasn't in a right place to fight anything or anyone along the way. She stayed locked up in her room for several days, managing to eat what Sarah or some scribes dropped off for her. "Yeah." was all she could manage as Sarah stared at her. She moved and hugged her this time, arms slipping around her waist to return it.
"Mistletoe!" shouted someone making the two look to see a Scribe standing beside them and looked up, what looked like a paper mistletoe was being held above them. She had seen plastic ones in the Vault, maybe she could run to the Vault and ask Amata for one for next year if she remained with the Brotherhood.
The two looked at each other, Lissandra blushing as Sarah smirked. "I...no..." was all Lissandra managed to get out. She and Amata had "kissed" when they were eight, a quick peck on the lips as Butch teased them with a mistletoe...that sure shut him up. "I mean not that I wouldn't...I...I don't know what I mean but..."
She never finished her sentence before lips pressed against her own. They were slightly chapped but soft at the same time against her. She barely managed to catch the whistling of several Soldiers whistling at the sight of their Sentinel kissing their newest recruit. Sarah pulled away with a small wet noise before eyeing the young girl again, she put her left hand on the girl's cheek before leaning in and kissing her again. This kiss probably should've happened somewhere private cause next thing the 19 year old knew was there was a tongue pushing it's way into her mouth.
This was something she had never done before, properly kissing like this instead of a quick peck. The blonde's arm tightened around her waist, pulling their bodies together. Breasts against breasts and hips against hips, even though Sarah stood maybe an inch taller than Lissandra. Someone clapped beside the two making them pull apart and Sarah turned a pretty red as she saw her father standing there.
"You want to make out with our newest recruit, than take her to your bedroom." he chuckled making Sarah nod.
Lissandra lowered her head, her hair moving to shield her face as BoS men and women shouted words of encouragement but a few men said something inappropriately that made Sarah hugged her waist tightly, possessive almost. Her father shouted something to make them shut up as the blonde lifted the younger woman's head and pressed their foreheads together.
She saw the Lone Wanderer's expression and smiled. "Ignore them." she whispered. "Ignore them and focus on me." Sarah saw Lissandra run her tongue along her bottom lip, wetting it most likely.  "You're the best gift I could've been given this year." There was a look of surprise on the other woman's face. "I mean, if we're...I assumed..."
Lips pressed against Sarah's quickly. "No you didn't assume." she chuckled. "I've liked you since we met on my way to Galaxy Radio. Regardless to the fact you were a bit of a hard ass but I...I felt something. So you're also the best gift I could've been given this year. After this shitty fucking year I had, you're my silver lining. So does that mean we're...?"
"You're my girlfriend. On December twenty-fifth, we became girlfriends. Remember that." she stated cupping Lissandra's face.
A smile formed on her face. Would her father approve? Sarah's father seemed to. Hell would Madison approve? That was all that mattered to her now. Aside from Sarah, Madison was the only other person she cared about. "Thank you." she whispered as tears slid down her cheeks.
Those power arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a comforting hug and she buried her face into Sarah's neck. She had lost her father and lost her home but she gained a girlfriend. "Let me know when you're okay, everyone will tease you for days if they see you crying." chuckled the blonde making a laugh erupt from the younger woman. She nodded and tightened her hold on Sarah.
They stayed like that for several moments, soldiers passing their gifts and alcohol back and forth. Sarah rested her chin on top of Lissandra's head and smiled towards her father who flashed a smile of his own and a thumbs up. He approved and to be honest, Sarah couldn't have chosen a better partner. "I love you." was all the young woman said.
"I love you too." whispered the Sentinel.
When asked Lissandra would admit that even though she had been exiled from her home and lost her father, this Christmas wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. Sarah made everything better from day one. She'd openly state that she would never wish to return to Vault 101, she was happy with Sarah. She was happy being her girlfriend and eventual fiancee. Even though she was parent-less, she wouldn't trade this life for anything because she was loved and cared for by the most important person in her life, Sentinel Sarah Lyons.
(Note: SARAH LIVES IN MY FALLOUT 4 FANFIC CAUSE REASONS! Mainly I hate Maxson and I like the headcanon that Maxson over threw her to take control over the Prydwen but instead of Sarah dying, she was left for dead and Lissandra vows to take revenge on Maxson but that'll happen in my main Fallout 4 fanfic...whenever I post it lol)
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twin andrews part 8 | jughead x reader
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part seven
a/n: im super sorry that these are all messed up and events aren’t happening in order blah blah & i haven’t been posting often and all that nonsense but I’ve been in a weird head space and haven’t had the energy or want to write the past week. this chapter really shows how crap my writing has been lately and hence why its kinda all over the place,  struggle to write this part for some reason I’m yet to be made known, these are always organic and i love this story with my whole entire heart but this part seemed force for some reason? ill get better and post regular soon enough my loves, I’m sorry again. enjoy xx
i was woken abruptly from my sleep when my brother swings open the bathroom door flicking on the light switch. i shift from my position on the floor my neck and back already aching.
i didn’t even need to look in the mirror to know that i have makeup all over my face, i didn’t have the opportunity to wash it off after a last minute unscheduled break down occurred.
“are you okay?” he offers me his hand sleep still evident in his voice, i shake my head standing up on my own ignoring his judging glances as i splash water on my face, refreshing myself before leaving him stunned and worried in our bathroom.
i walk down the hall and into my room siting myself down on my already made bed. i sigh already not looking forward to the lecture i was about to receive from my mother and my father.
i finally make the move to get ready pulling myself together for the day, trying to make myself look less zombie like and more; im frocking in a valley filled with flowers.
i barely make it half way down the street before betty rushes to my side panting, a worried expression on her face. “you good blondie?” she pants trying to catch her breathe from her spur of the moment jog.
“what happened to you last night? i tired to call you a billion times!” she stammers a frown forming on her lips “what’d i miss?”
we begin our walk to school as betty rambles on about finding her sister in a home for ‘trouble youths’ only to find her pregnant with jasons baby and totally unaware of his death.
oh but it doesn’t end there, they had planned to run away and jason has stashed a car on the highway which the two sleuths found photographed and then reported to sheriff keller; when i saw the pair at the variety show mid break down
but once they finally got the squad car out there the car was up in flames destroying all possible evidence in the car, the believe that they were followed and now well now polly broke out of the loony bin she was in
“and that’s what you missed on glee” i mumble as she tugs me into the student lounge all of our friends already vacating the couches provided
i flop down on the couch wincing as my neck starts to ache, i was too wrapped up in my discomfort that i didn’t even notice i had sat down next to jughead.
we hadn’t spoken since he left me at the school last night, things were still tender and i didn’t know where i stood with him anymore.
apon my arrival the group discussion seemed to fizzle into nothing, worry and nervousness plaster on their faces. thats when i knew that archie must’ve told them what happened last night
i swallow hard, bring my hand up to stroke the tenderness in my neck and shoulders “you okay?” ronnie perks up knowing exactly why. i was still mad at her for not telling me about our parents, i thought she was supposed to have my back
“i just slept funny that’s all” i cough, awkwardness still evident in the air “so betty fill me in more what happening with polly now?”
betty begins to ramble on about polly breaking out and now being no where to find and thats she’s worried that the blossom will think that polly’s connect somehow to the car blaze and quite possibly, jason’s murder.
the others were too caught up in bettys worrying words that they didn’t catch jughead moving to sit next to me his arm snaking around my waist trying to comfort me
i exhale moving toward him allowing myself to feel somewhat relaxed at his touch. i offer him a small smile before he places his hands back into his lap, trying not to draw attention to us.
“we need to find her before the blossoms do” betty concluded looking to me with sad eyes. i slip my hand over hers giving it a squeeze “and we will- all of us”
i look to jughead and the others begging them to back me up “we’ll find her b” veronica smiles at her blonde friend placing her coffee cup onto the table infront of her
“thanks guys” a smile widens on her face glancing back at me
the bell rings indicating the start of first period, i mumble a quick goodbye before fleeing the group and entering the hall head hung low
my loneliness is short lived when betty & veronica are on either side of me pestering me in what happened with me last night.
“nothing- seriously i haven’t been feeling too well so i just left and went home” the raven haired girl sighs “we can’t help you if you don’t tell us (y/n/n)”
you give the worried girl a half smile “if there was something wrong yous would be the first to know, i promise” they share glances between each other before giving in “fine”
“no body told me we were treking through the woods” i complain as we trudge through the muddy forrest in search of the older cooper girl.
the blossoms found out about polly & the car and in the blossoms books polly was now a prime suspect in their sons murder meaning, we had to find polly before the blossoms did
i drifted to the back of the pack not being able to shake the idea of my dad with hermione out of my brain. a twig trips me and i almost end up face first into the mud when a pair of arms grab me
“woah” i exhale as the arms let me go allowing myself to gain my composer, i tune slightly catching the raven hair in the sunlight. “thanks reggie” i mumble stuffing my hands in my pocket
this was the first time we’d spoken since the playbook ordeal and honestly i didn’t want anything to do with him ever again. but i knew, i knew that there was more to him then his jock exterior.
“i want to apologise-” i shake my head but he grabs my shoulder alarming “please let me finish” i smack my lips together waiting for his explanation.
“i was an asshole, i know that but i-i really like you (y/n) and i want you to give me another chance” i furrow my eyebrows glancing to see jughead burning a hole in my head
i turn to the boy shaking my head slightly when he crashes his lips onto mine, i push on his chest instantly breaking our contact “what the hell mantle!” i yell moving away from the boy toward my friends.
my breathe shakes as i try and catch up to the brunette boy. my brother rushes toward me anger on his face “what’s wrong?! I swear to god if he touched you-” he stammers his face growing redder by the minute.
“archie leave it please” i push his chest trying to calm the angry boy, he finally gives in letting my drag him over toward our friends.
betty’s too focused on her missing sister to even bat an eyelid at her friends behaviour, walking ahead catching up with her parents. i spot jughead and rush over to him tugging lightly on his arm “jug” i plead
he turns around, a scowl on his face “jug please, don’t be mad at me i didn’t do anything wrong” i whisper trying not to cause a scene “forget it (y/n)” he scoffs moving away from me leaving with no other choice than to watch him leave
nothing seemed to be going my way today, i let out a long sigh as veronica joins my side “you doing anything tonight?” she asks wickedly.
“no why?” i ask puzzled glancing between kevin and veronica “well me and a few others were thinking of going out tonight- be the best gal pal and come with?” i smile to myself.
“count me in oh and bets” she inhales sharply at the name drop “she’s got enough of her plate- I don’t think she’ll be up for it” I shrug “yeah well you’re right- ill see you later yeah?”
“come to my house and we’ll get ready together?” i nod as she tackles me in a tight hug “bye!” she chirps leaving me alone with my thoughts.
a few hours later we’d finally given up on the man hunt and come to the conclusion that the blossoms and the coopers were now on the ‘same team’ apon finding out that polly was indeed carrying jasons baby
which brings me to now, walking home with my brother and betty. it was silent the sounds of leaves crunching under our feet as no one dares to speak, the wind whistle through the trees as we reach the front of our house.
i find myself thinking back to reggie and our kiss- how jughead witnessed it and felt betrayal from yet another person whom was supposed to be his best friend
“you okay?” my brother asks as betty rushes into her house after a brain wave. “yeah” i smile weakly moving up the steps “can you drive me to V’s?”
he nods scooping up his keys and ushering me back out to the car “i need to tell you something-” he starts but i interrupt him “arch it’s getting bad again”
he starts the car his eyes twitching “why didn’t you tell me?” i sigh disappointment flooding his voice, “i didn’t want mum or dad to know arch- they’ll send me back”
“i won’t tell dad, unless you-” i shake my head “please don’t finish that sentence” i whisper lowly closing my eyes as fresh tears drip down my cheeks
“we’re here” he whispers, i open my eyes to see us infront of veronica’s building “thank you” i lean over the console and wrap my arms around the red headed boy “im sorry”
he squeezes me back before letting me shrink back into m seat “have fun okay?” i nod wiping my tears exiting the car “wait what did you want to tell me?” he shakes his head “ill tell you later yeah?” i nod stepping back from the car watching him drive off into the distance.
“i can’t believe you talked me into this” i mumble as we walk into the busy club, veronica had invited our mutual friends josie & kevin but she had seemed to neglect to mention that our very own mantle the magnificent would be in attendance also
apparently she need disposable arm candy, she was right on both counts.
“i don’t know about you but im getting unbelievably drunk” i announce to the group before  walking over to the bar and ordering a round sticking it on the lodge girls tab
we all had a few too many tequila shots before veronica grabbed my hand and pulled me out onto the dance floor, the bass thumping through my chest as we begin dancing throwing our hair behind our shoulders
we sway to the rhythm of the beat, the sounds tempo growing faster the more intoxicated we got. reggie managed to sneak up behind me grabbing my hips and tugging them back slightly
not giving a care in the world i push back into him, his nails seemed to dig into my waist at this point, he’s hands felt like fire on my exposed skin.
we move as one swaying against each other before reggie turns me around his hands moving all over my body, too drunk to process anything i giggle pressing my soft lips to his, feeling a drive inside of me that wanted reggie.
i pull back lust filling my eyes as are friends squeal, whistling at the two of us. i look back to the raven haired boy only to see jughead, i leaned forward and kissed him again pulling back to see reggie
“reggie?” i mutter the music drowning out my voice “what’s wrong baby?” he rasps moving close to me, i close my eyes trying to shake jughead out of my head, did i really want jughead that bad that i imagined him?
he nibbles at my neck and i look forward, lucid. kevin seemed to be seeing a little more straight, stumbling over to the pair of us “easy on mantle” he pulls me from the jocks grasp walking me over toward our booth, his hand on the small of my back
i spot a bartender and ask for another round of tequila before the whole group flopped down the lady returning with a tray filled with 5 shots
the others seemed to pale as they saw the liquid sitting before them, one glance to reggie as he grinned away at you didn’t make you think twice before polishing off all 5 shots
the club owner walks over muttering a few words to veronica and the rest of us but my head was spinning like no ones business. next thing i know reggies picking me up and carrying me toward our ride home
we reach my house and i giggle snuggling myself into kevin, he huffs helping me out the car watching as veronica walks me toward my front door, feeling like bambi on ice
the door swings opening revealing a very worried archie “archiekins!!” i giggle throwing myself into his arms “thanks ronnie” she nods walking back to the car as archie struggles to hold me upright as he shuts the front door and sneaks me upstairs without my dad hearing us, harder than it sounds trust me.
“stay here ill duck down and get you some water” i nod leaning against the door frame almost collapsing when i look in to see my raven haired friend laying down the pull out mattress in my brothers room.
he shifted on the bed seeming to have be almost asleep, i tip toe inside not thinking twice before i dropped to my knees crawling onto the boys lap, kissing him awake.
i know he’s awake when he kisses back his hips shifting under mine “hey baby” i coo giggling to myself, he places his hands on either side of my hips as i teasingly grind on him
he jolts up almost throwing me off his lap “juggie!” i yell playfully my arms secured around his neck he licks his lips “where have you been?” he questions.
“out with ronnie” i giggling running my hands through his hair, “you’re beautiful” i whisper looking down to his lips
“(y/n)!” my brother rushes forward pulling me off the raven haired boys lap “im so sorry she’s drunk” he rushes holding me up right “you don’t say?” he chuckles “it’s fine arch” he reassures.
“im going to go to bed” i state slyly “juggie wanna come with meee” i tease biting my bottom lip “(y/n)!” he warns
i turn and pout stumbling out of archies room and into mine changing into one of archies shirt and the shortest shorts i own before wondering back into the bathroom wipes in hand
i open the bathroom door running into a body, a laugh sneaks out of my lips as i almost fall, it was jughead once again.
“what are you doing?” he chuckles your eyes glued to his plump lips, i hold up my wipes and he chuckles, placing his large hands under my thighs lifting me up and placing me on the counter.
“you can barley stand, let me do it” i smile stupidly allowing the boy to remove all my makeup before i find myself drifting off, my head leaning against the mirror behind me.
“c'mere” he whispers in my ear as he takes me in his arms walking me into my room and placing me gently onto the bed, “thanks baby” i mumble clinging to the poor boy
“goodnight” he laughs placing a soft kiss on the forehead before exiting my room, sleep engulfing me as soon as i shut my eyes.
the sun streams through my window and i feel like my eyes have been set on fire, i groan attempting to sit up only for my head to throb like nobodies business.
i swing my legs out of my bed, my feet tingling in the soft carpet. i push myself up only for my legs to seem to fall from beneath me, i cuss as my body hits the ground my head spinning.
my bedroom door swings open revealing my brother and jughead, they share a glance sighing as they take in my state. “jughead?” i say slightly surprised that the raven haired boy was in my house at 7am.
“thats what i wanted to tell you last night, he’s staying with us for a bit” puzzled i place a hand on my head feeling it throb, “what happened last night?”
“you reeked of tequila” jughead jokes and at the mention i feel a wave of nausea wash over me, i jump up sprinting past the two as i throw myself at the toilet bowl beginning to throw up my whole stomach contents.
i  lean back against the wall taking a sigh of relief before my head starts to throb again, i crawl over to the sink grabbing my toothbrush and ridding myself of my vomit breathe.
“here” i jump at the sound that sounded 10 times louder then it was, i smile through the mirror at the brunette boy behind me. i turn and take the glass from his hands “thank you” i whisper taking large gulps.
he laughs at me which makes me want to cry “jug” i complain playfully shoving his chest, which only caused he to chuckle more. “god i do not remember a damn thing” i let out a tired sigh.
“wait you don’t?” he ask, puzzled. “nope- well i mean i remember taking 1-2-3- actually i stopped counting after 8 tequila slammers” i grimace 
“and you don’t remember coming home?” he questions as we walk back toward my bedroom “you were here last night?!” i panic trying to rack my brain if i did anything remotely stupid in front of the cute rave haired boy. 
“so you don’t-” he starts before my brother walks toward the pair of us a smug smile on his face “remember crawling on top of jug and making out with him? yano grinding? tongue down his throat?”
he chuckles and i play feeling extremely embarrassed too scared to look at jugheads expression i shove the two out of my room shutting the door behind them.
“fuck” i cuss a knock soflty placed on my door “go away archie!”
“not archie” my eyes almost pop out of my head as i open the door to come face to face with my father, i scowl on his face.
i look further down the hall to see that the boys had made themselves scarce, “(y/n)” he addresses me “fred” i counter back
“mind telling me why you were out till 3am drinking, on a school night?” my mouth hangs open “jeez arch thanks” i yell down the short corridor.
“young lady i am talking to you” i huff shrinking back, “i was out with v”
“drinking” he argues “you can’t go to school with a hang over (y/n), stay home, hydrate” he states dryly. i throw my arms around the tall man “thanks freddy”
“don’t push it” i nod rushing back to my bed snuggling under the covers letting myself fall back to sleep.
turns out sleep wasn’t the way to go to cure a hangover so i went to the second best thing, pop’s. i rushed around to change and set out on the short walk to the diner my stomach rumbling as the smell of fries and bacon filled the air the closer i got to the doors.
i give pop a small smile ordering before wondering over to one of the booths, sinking into the blush chair closing my eyes ever so slightly, equation becoming clear.
pop returns with my cheeseburger plopping the plate infront of me aswell as a milkshake glass “you’re a legend” i whisper inhaling the sweet smell of greasy meat lathered in cheese.
“wheres hermione?” i question picking at my bowl of fries “she didnt tell you?” he questions only for me to shake my head in response. the door chimes as jughead moves swiftly through the door and toward me.
“she’s working with your dad, she quit yesterday” my stomach flips nausea coming back to me, jughead seemed to notice my mood change saying a quick hi to pop as he slides in next to me, a comforting arm slipped around m waist.
“thanks pop” i smile sadly tuning out as jughead places an order before the dark skinned man moved back toward the counter.
“hey whats wrong?” jughead whispers softly, his hands moving at my sides. I’m quick to wipe a fallen tear, “i don’t think my parents are ever going to get back together” i say through tears feeling glances of empathy from the jones boy.
“im so naive” i wipe my cheeks furiously feeling awfully pathetic. “you’re not naive- okay? or pathetic or stupid or whatever your minds telling you are” he says tentatively.
i sniffle leaning my head against the boys shoulder “I’m a hot mess juggie” i whisper “well your definitely one of those” i giggle to myself “a mess?” i question looking into his soft eyes.
“nope, hot, a beautiful, hot, smart, kind mess” i feel my heart swelling in my chest as i find myself blushing, burying my head in the boys chest. i breathe him in my hands clutching the materials of his shirt.
“thank you” i whisper pulling away to see his face, he smiles glancing around the near empty diner before pressing his lips against mine.
“you can’t seem to get enough? can you?” i tease my hands gliding down his neck in a playful manner, “hate to break it to you sweet heart but your the one who came onto me” he replies cockily.
“is that so? i guys ill remember that for next time” i tease, he seemed to grow tense at the mention of next time.
“next time?” his adams apple bops as he swallows, “well you know, next time i find myself on top of you-” i pur moving my hand up his jean clad thigh, working its way up to play with hi suspenders.
“when I’m grinding on top of you- you kissing my neck, me kissing yours” i tease watching his little friend get awfully excited. 
“(y/n)” he warns his eyes darting to the on lookers, only to find them keeping to themselves. he licks his lips crashing his lips back onto yours only to be short lived as he pulls back panting.
“you you-you can’t do this in public please” he whines.
“and what makes you think ill want-” he pause “you, again” he attempts to smirk his cheeks growing red.
“your trying to tell me that you and” i pause pointing down to the tent pitched i  his pants “him” i giggle “don’t have any attraction to me?”
he places both hands in his lap trying to conceal himself, “yep” he says smoothing oozing with confidence, “you’re on” i smirk.
“what wait?” he rushes watching as my brother walks through the diner door, walking toward the two of us, he turns to me begging to tell me what he’d just gotten himself into.
i turn away from him biting into my cheeseburger “i knew id find yous here” archie sigh aspirated slipping into the booth leaning forward and nipping one of my fries “hey!”
“so jug told you?” he breathes relief “my dad spoke to your dad and managed to talk him out of storming into the station guns blazing” he laughs awkwardly silence filling the air.
puzzled i turn to the raven haired boy “why was your dad at the station?” “wait he didn’t tell you?” my brother asked confused as jughead cuts him off “it doesn’t matter” he defends.
“jug” i state seriously “what happened today?” i pester worrying filling me like a balloon. he sighs resting his head in his hands “they took me in- they thought i torched jasons car-” my jaw drops
“and you didnt think to tell me?!” i scowl anger bubbling up “i didn’t think you needed to know everything” he retorts “what the hell is that supposed to mean?” i argue my brother watching the events unfold before him.
“am i not important enough to know that you were arrested in the middle of school?!” he shakes his head looking off into the distance. “screw you” i mumble climbing roughly over the boy exiting the diner in a blaze of fury.
i slam my bedroom door behind me feeling awfully stupid, why hadn’t anyone tried to contact you when he was taken in. you pace pulling your hair out of its ponytail you flop onto your bed.
“I’m sure he has a perfectly good reason why he did tell you (y/n/n)” i sigh propping my foot onto the blondes thigh as she paints my toe nails, i had invited her over to get the details about today considering my idiotic brother and he’s best friend seemed to have no intention of telling me.
“what if it was my brother? if he got arrested and he didn’t think to tell you?! you wouldn’t like it either!” i snap watching the blonde jolt slightly at the ice in my tone.
“god- b I’m sorry I’m just upset, thank you.. for coming over” she smiles happily placing my foot onto the ground, screwing the cap back on the polish before reaching for my hands.
“you’re my friend, id do anything for you” she declares before reaching forward and hugging me tight.
“has anything happened between you and jug? you seem close?” she quires, curiosity ringing clear in her words. i fumble for words but was instantly saved when the door swings open revealing jughead in the door way.
“jug” his name falls out of my mouth, silence fills the room none of us knowing what exactly to say.
“betty i didn’t know you were here- i uh hope i didn’t interrupt anything” he states nervously placing his hands in his pockets
“don’t be silly jug, i was just leaving” she says sweetly standing from her place on my bed placing to the both of us, neither of us wanting to make eye contact with each other.
“text me yeah?” betty offers and i nod standing and hugging the girl bye as she walks past jughead whisper something before she exits the room. i perch myself on the edge of my bed, hanging my head into my hands.
i feel the bed dip as a figure sits down next to me “I’m sorry” he whispers his hand gliding over my back in a soothing matter. you didn’t even notice you were crying until you felt the soft drops on my knees.
“hey please don’t cry” he whisper softly, i whimper burying my head into his chest, we sit for a while, together peacefully on my bed my cries getting softer and softer until they finally stopped.
i pull back giggling slightly “told you i was a mess” i sniffle as he wipes my cheeks dry, “i should’ve told you the second i walked into pops, you just- i don’t want you to think any less of me” he pauses sucking in a breathe.
“why would you care what i think? above everyone else?” i question earning a long sigh “because- you-  you’re above everyone else, i really care about you- (y/n) andrews” he whispers lowly.
happy tears brim my eyes, “jug” i chuckle moving my head into his neck placing several kisses. he moans slightly and i giggling curling my legs up into his lap as he told me all about school and sheriff kellers questioning.
“oh and my dad got his job back- with your dad- we’re going to dinner” he smiles happily “the last time i saw your dad i was a blabbing mess juggie” he grins at the memory placing a kiss to her temple “i know”
“you’ll be fine just get changed and we’ll meet with them yeah?” i nod pushing myself off the bed and away from the raven haired boy.
feeling a little more relieved about where you stood with the boy i started to feel little playful, remembering the small diner bet you remove your shirt without thinking twice.
“oh my god (y/n)” he breathes out he’s words fumble on my bed, i turn and batter my eyelids at the boy, he rushed forward covering my chest with his jacket “i thought you dint want me?” i tease.
he licks his lips “i don’t" he stammers nervously “what if your brother walked in?!” he exclaims. you move away from the boy removing your jeans causing the boy to dash out of your room leaving you in a blushing mess.
dinner was awkward, the five of us were crammed into one of the booths the table littered with burgers and fries. i was stuck between jughead & archie watching my father try and make polite conversation with the southside man.
“isn’t it unbelievable that she looks just like mary did in highschool?” FP comments a famous jones smirk on his lips. i swallow feeling uncomfortable at the name drop
my dad nods turning to me with a sad smile “yeah she does doesn’t she- she’s beautiful” my eyes well with tears as i watch him exhale in desperation.
“mary was a hot one in high school but not as hot as hermione right fred?” he nudges my dad the boys laughing “what’s that supposed to mean?” i interject my eyes wide with curiosity.
“your dad and her used to date in high school” he cackles grinning ear to ear “im mean your mother wasn’t the nicest person in high school, but from what i know i guess she’s still a bitch”
“don’t you dare talk about my mother like that” i snap anger coursing through my veins, as much as i say i despise my mother i will not let some middle aged man bag her out over burgers and milkshakes, no way in hell.
“(y/n) it’s okay” my dad try’s to reason laughing along with his friend “how is it okay, dad?” i argue feeling a hand intertwine with mine under the table.
“let’s not do this” he waves pop over for the bill, “yeah keep putting it off, just like you do with the divorce papers” i hiss.
“feisty little one you’ve got there andrews” the jones man teases “what can i say, i get it from my mother” i turn to jughead gesturing him to leave the booth.
he drops my hand and allows me to move away from the men, “ill see you back at the house” i mutter moving away, desperate glances from my brother and my raven haired best friend.
the loud hum of guitars in our garage stopped me from being able to study and i was getting extremely frustrated. pulling on a jumper i move down the stairs and outside the cold air nipping at my face.
i walk in and catch the boys in what seemed like a hushed conversation, “hey” i mumble shifting on my feet “cute socks” jughead teases noticing my somber expression.
i walk over and plant myself in between the two of them, “im sorry about my dad-” i shake my head sighing “jug please don’t apologise, it’s not your fault” i interject.
we hear voices approaching the garage and jughead rushes to his fathers jacket removing the flask and stashing it in the couch before rushing back to his original spot next to me
his father stumbles in drunk, no control over his body as he fall onto the couch “we should get going” jughead announces standing from his spot on the couch.
i stand quickly from my spot grabbing at his wrist stopping him from moving forward “wait- your not staying?” he shakes his head and i sigh “ill be okay” he reassures before moving past me and helping his father stand up right.
he glances back as we all share somber expression, FP jones was drowning and he was pulling jughead down with him.
“a baby shower?” i question my brows furrowing, “is that really a good idea?” i yawn. i didn’t get much sleep last night, i was up worrying about jughead staying with his father and not to mention the news of finding out that my dad’s rekindling with his first love
“yes, it’s a great idea!” she reassures betty & i grabbing at her hands “fine v, it sounds great” betty smiles as the raven haired girl squeaks in joy.
“well atleast i don’t have to go” jughead breathes out leaning back into the lockers, i turn toward him narrowing my eyes “you’re going” he pulls his eyebrows together “why-” i cut him off “jughead if i have to go this then so, do, you”
he raises his hands up in surrender “okay okay” i smile to myself laughing at the boy before popping a piece of watermelon into my mouth, the bell ringing
“you wanna help me plan (y/n/n)?”i nod my head continuing to nibble on my fruit, “yeah sure” she grabs onto my hand pulling me away from the group and out of the school.
i follow closely behind the raven haired girl as she pulls me into a booth ordering for the booth of us and pulling out a notebook and a few pens.
“okay so..” my eyes drift out the window watching the rain splatter onto the glass “what do you think” she concludes tugging at my arm.
“did you know?” i mutter, turning my gaze so it was on her “know what?” she knits her eyebrows together giving me a puzzled expression
“about my dad” she inhales sharply pausing as pop places our orders infront of us “yes” i roll my eyes laughing curtly to myself “(y/n)” she says softly trying to reach out for my hand.
“why didn’t you tell me v? this is-this is what friends are supposed to be for! to have your back and tell you what’s going on” i mutter frustrated feeling fears build up in my eyes
“im so sorry (y/n) i didn’t know it upset you so much” she whispers back moving her hands on top of mine “i didn’t know it would either” i sniffle hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
“my dad kept putting off the divorce and i thought- that maybe that things weren’t as bad, that maybe-“ “they’d get back together”
“i feel so naive and stupid v” i confess tears dripping onto my shirt, she sighs in disbelief “you’re not stupid or naive, you’re hopeful and it’s not always a bad thing”
i wipe my eyes, “i better go v” i announce, she wines extending her arms “we’ve barley even started planning!!” she urges tugging at my wrist
“i need to drop in and see my dad- my brother and the others are filling in for dad’s crew-” she nods understandingly “fine ill call b- go”
i smile at her before swiftly exiting the booth and making my way over to my dad’s office, i could see the boys off in the distance helping with the demo, hard hats and all.
“hello darling” i turn my head to see hermione exiting he office clipboard in hand, “i was looking for my dad?” she points over to my father supervising the boys “thank you” i smile at her before quickly headed in my fathers direction.
“hey bud” my father greets me wiping sweat from his forehead, i smile brightly at the man glancing around the worksite “how’s it going” he nods looking at the boys work.
“they’ve been a big help-” he pauses as my brother walks over wheelbarrow filled with rubble “you work that wheelbarrow archikins” i tease
“i need you both home tonight-” he narrows his eyes at the both of us “i was going to get some study done with betty-” he shakes his head “this can’t wait” i nod laughing slightly “fine”
my brother lingers back with my dad as i walk away in the direction of the raven haired boy hauling concrete, “oo, something about tank tops and hard hats that make me drool” i giggle gaining the boys attention.
“what are you doing here?” he sounds hoarse “just wanted to see you” i admit fiddling with my hair “oh yeah?” he smirks, his muscles flexing
“what can i say i have a thing for working class men” i wink touching his chest playfully “everything okay?- with your dad?” i nod “yeah, apparently he has important news or something- i have to cancel study with b” i huff turning on my spot to see my brother and my dad in what seemed like a hushed conversation.
“im sure it’s nothing” he assures me stepping forward, i let out a sigh glancing down to his lips, he catches on shuffling toward me “you okay?” he whispers lowly.
i nod dragging my hands through my hair “of course-i’ll let you get back to it”
”(y/n) you can talk to me you know? about anything" he edges closer to me, sympathy in his eyes “i know, i spoke to v. im okay juggie seriously”.
“veronica? really?” he responds a slight sting to his words “since when were you bestie with her?” i flinch at the unexpected tone “we aren’t! jeez jug she can just relate to me a-”
he cuts me off with a scoff “what im not relatable enough?!” he steps back putting more distance between us as he stacks the concrete into the wheelbarrow beside him
���seriously jones?! your jealous because i told ronnie about my feelings toward my parents divorce?!” i hiss “ronnie?” he pauses laughing slightly to himself
“forget it” i mutter moving away from the boy running into moose as i head toward my brother “hey (y/n)” i sign “hey moose” i reply tiredly
“could you hold my phone for me i don’t want it to fall from my pocket i nod placing it in my bag before walking over to my father.
“everything okay?” he asks and i nod plastering a smile on my face “what can i do to help” i ask placing my bag down next to me “okay well how about you start with this”
“it’s getting pretty dark dad i think it’s time to knock off” i notify my dad, my feet starting to ache from standing so long. he nods calling the boys into the office.
the sun seems to set in record time as the industrial lights click on the boys staggering up the steps for refreshments, i head up the stairs when moose comes bounding down.
“do you still have my phone” i widen my eyes “crap i left it in my bag” he follows me back down the steps and over toward a pile of bricks where i’d left my bag
i swipe it up and turn to moose to see a few men smashing up my dad’s equipment “hey!” we both yell in sync walking closer to the men in anger.
next thing i knew the blurry black figure was rushing toward me throwing me against the trailer wall punching me in the face and kicking moose in the stomach.
i scream out as they throw me on the floor next to moose, falling limp as they beat me to a pulp, they scream when they hear the others rush from the office and toward us
i groggily open my eyes to see my dad and brother huddled over me “someone call sheriff keller” i hear them yell blood rushing from my lip.
i sit up feeling dizzy almost fall back but archie slips in behind me holding me upright “what happened?!” my dad begs desperation in his voice as he looks to the injured jock.
“we saw them trash the equipment and they chased us down and-” my dad nods looking toward me pulling me into a hug brushing down my hair “your going to be okay”
the boys lift me up and usher me toward hermione’s car as she drives me to the hospital so my father could stay back and give a statement to sheriff keller
betty & veronica had rushes to the hospital at the news just as they were patching me up, nothing too serious just a few bruised ribs and a split lip aswell as a few small cuts and bruises.
“what the hell happened?!” veronica exclaimed as the two rush into the small room i was told to sit in, just to make sure nothing else was wrong with me, brain wise.
“just some jerks trashing my dad’s equipment, moose and i saw and they made the jump on us- im fine, honestly they didn’t even admit me im practically brand new” i joke a smile on my sore face.
“god you gave us a heart attack!” betty yells her voice raised as she pulls me into a bone crashing hug “ribs ribs ribs” i exclaim wincing “brand new huh?” i roll my eyes “take me home yeah?”
with a nod and a few sign documents veronica’s mum dropped betty and i home just as my brother had arrived with my father and jughead.
betty keeps her arm looped in mine as we wave off the lodge girls walking toward my family. my dad rushes over hugging me tightly “ow ow” i wince my eyes pricking with tears.
“broke some ribs- apparently” i complain offering a weak smile, guilt covers his entire face “i need to call your mother and let her know- thank you betty” he smiles to my blonde best friend.
“anytime mr andrews- ill see you at the baby shower yeah?” i nod squeezing her hand “see you there” i follow everyone inside, vegas jumping up at our feet
“hey baby-hey vegas my wilttle baby” i coo in a baby voice letting her like my face, “i missed you girl, i missed you” i giggle as her fur tickles my face
“c'mon bed” i straight up glancing up at my brother “wow okay mum” i poke fun walking past him and up the stairs, i swing into the bathroom deciding that a warm shower could help me sleep.
my towels wrapped tightly around my wet body as i quickly brush my teeth before exiting the bathroom, almost loosing my towel as i run into a body.
“jug?” i sigh, tightening my towel. he licks his lips looking at my own, his eyes dropping down to my chest and then my legs “you okay?” i ask the raven headed boy as he checks me out
i was too busy staring at him that i didn’t even notice his hands around my waist, he tugs me toward him and i suck in a breathe glancing down to his lips “archie’s-” “asleep” he finishes.
i bite my lip ducking past him and rushing to my room putting on a decent amount of clothes before re opening my door “juggie” i call softly down the hall watching as jughead exists the bathroom.
once he’s close enough i grab at his shirt pulling him into my room in one swift movement “woah” he chuckles grabbing onto my waist for support.
“stay with me?” i whisper lowly, wetting my lips with my tongue “please” i beg fiddling with his shirt.
“okay” he whispers back allowing me to slip into my bed, he kneels down joining our hands together as i close my eyes attempting some sort of sleep.
“thank you” i mumble taking a deep breathe as im pulled into a deep slumber, jughead by my side protecting me as i slept, fighting off my bad dreams as they came.
“order up!” i rush toward the kitchen grabbing a tray fall of milkshakes and fries “your brothers booth” i nod balancing the tray in my arms as i walk over to my friends
it had been a few days since the snake incident and herimone quitting so i was required to be back at work, pop needed me and i wasn’t about to give up on him when he needed me.
“here you go-” i chirp suddenly registering the hostility in the air, the table falls quiet as i place down the various milkshakes and baskets of fries
the whole gang came down to see how i was doing before the girls & jughead continued on to polly’s baby shower. jughead was fairly irritated when he found out that i wasn’t attending and that he still needed to.
“how are you feeling?” betty asks concern filling her voice “im fine- what’s going on?” i question tucking my tray under my arm.
“im going to find out who did this” archie stammers loitering at the front of the booth “archie it happened so fast i wouldn’t even know what they look like” “it was the serpents!”
my blood runs cold, my memory going back to the night of the snake delivery “we don’t know that archie-” i warn him jughead banging his palms on the table “see archie even your sister agrees with me”
“what are you going to do archie? beat them up?” i press anger rushing through me “don’t be an idiot” i finish shaking my head.
“moose and i are going to the southside to find those serpents, it’s worth a shot if it helps me dad”
“kevin’s boyfriend-” “kev has a boyfriend?” i stammer confused before letting me brother continue “can get us in to some bar were the serpents hang out”
betty & veronica share worried glances before looking to me hoping i’d be able to defuse the situation “then what arch? moose points them out and you play hero and beat them up?” i argue
“look arch i love you but you couldn’t even take a hit from reggie let alone a grown man who happens to be an a gang- ive seen some of the things they do-” i pause
“they left a box with a freaking snake in the lobby! they could be dangerous and how do we know for a fact that it is them?! you could be wrong and you don’t want to be wrong about this stuff archie!”
he shakes his head at me clenching his fists in anger “archie you don’t want to make an enemy out of a serpent!” i try and reason with him getting awfully fed up
“no! we’ll call sherif keller and get these goons arrested- they can’t get away with what they’ve done (y/n) i thought you’d understand that!” he argues
“archie going into the bar is a bad idea” jughead stresses as my brother begins to pace “are you coming with me or not?” i place my hand on his chest “no he isn’t and neither are you- archie if i find out that you or jughead go to that bar i swear to god ill never speak to you again” i seethe
he looks past me and bores his eyes into jughead’s as the raven haired boy makes no attempt to move from his place in the booth.
the others all look up to the hot headed boy “thanks for having my back” he mutters to jughead before moving away from the table and to the door.
“archie” i call after him “archie wait!” i yell half jogging toward the door but it was too late he was long gone, i let out a sigh trudging back to the others as they exit the booth
“where are you guys going?” i question “we better leave to help my mum with the shower, he’ll be okay (y/n/n) he won’t do anything stupid” the raven haired girl assures me giving me a small warm hug
“you do know we’re talking about my brother here, right?” she smiles grabbing the blondes hand as the walk out of the diner.
jughead gives me a small smile before he weaves past me “wait jug” i grab ahold of his hand pulling him back to face me “please don’t go with him” i beg my voice seemed to crack
“i promise you i won’t” i nod tearing up “hey you’re going to be so jealous because i get to go to the event of the year! god i love baby showers, it’s actually on my bucket list” he smiles sarcastically.
“i can’t wait to hear all about it” i tease pushing him toward the door “go before they start to get sus” he nods tipping his non existent hat before following after the two girls.
leaving me to a extremely busy diner and a 9 hour shift
i linger a few minutes longer as i wait for my friends to re-enter the diner, they’d promised that they’d come by for dinner and tell me all about what happened after my shift, my shift ended an hour ago.
just as i’d given up hope and headed toward the exit betty & veronica enter a dull smile on both of their faces “hey” i chirp fiddling with my keys
“everything okay?” i stress the girls sharing quiet glances “oh yeah! you should probably go home though” i furrow my brows “he went didn’t he?”
i shake my head not needing their answers “im going to kill him” i mutter under my breathe walking past the girls “wait!” betty calls grabbing my arm as i start my walk home
“i do have good news” she scrambles a smile now on her face “what?” i chuckle “well first off i know your big secret & im going to be a god mother!” she squeals launching herself into me.
“betty that’s awesome!” i blurt my heart feeling a little lighter “can we rewind back a little, my secret?” she blush winking at me “i know about you and juggie”
“there is no me and juggie?” i state keeping my voice calm “i need to get home b ill see you tomorrow okay?” she smirks as i speed walk away from her,
“i ship it!” she yells out causing me to giggle, that girl.
i practically run home bouncing into the front door my mood sucked down the drain when i spot archie & my dad arguing in the kitchen
i step into the light, he catches my eye and opens his mouth to speak “so did you walts into the bar with your highly distinguishable letterman jacket? huh red just stroll in blend in with a fucking blue and yellow jacket?!” i hiss
“thats enough (y/n) he knows what he’s done wrong” i shake my head moving past the boys up the steps “i found one of the guys you know- your welcome” he yells up at me as i move from his site.
i storm past archie’s room and catch a glimpse of jughead slummed against the wall, head in his hands “jug?” my voice softens entering the room slowly as to not frighten him.
he’s head perks up and he takes one look at me before dropping his eyes again “hey what’s up?” i ask crouching down next to him “are you okay?”
“did they tell you” he grins sarcastically “god i was so stupid thinking i could fit in with you guys” he scoffs to himself grabbing at his mouth.
“hey thats not true..talk to me” i scoot closer to the boy tilting his head up to look at me, my voice soft and full of concern. his eyes brim with tears.
“it’s nothing” my brows crease a wave of uselessness coming over me, i grab both sides of his face only for him to turn away from me.
“jug, talk to me please” i beg trying to gain eye contact
“(y/n)” i hear my brother call from the hall, i ignore him a tear running down my face “what happened?” the boy stands moving toward my brothers office chair leaving me on the ground
my brother touches my arm and i flinch standing myself off “stay away” i mumble “i know it’s hard to know about jugs dad but im here to apologise to the both of you-” i perk up cutting him off
“what about your dad?” i ask jughead moving toward him “that he’s a serpent, you didn’t know?” my brother speaks glancing between me and jughead.
“nice one arch” jughead mumbles
i roll my eyes “atleast someone talks to me” i snap my brother glances confusingly “wait did i miss something between you two?” i laugh manically shaking my head “why don’t you ask jughead”
i walk away from the two boys and storm into my room, anger coursing through me. i pull up a blanket and curl myself against my window ledge staring out as the rain dribbles against the glass.
i watch the street lights flicker on as dusk sets in, my father and tried to call me down for dinner but i refused, ignoring every knock on the door.
“(y/n)” “go away archie” i mumble brushing the hair out of my face, “not archie”
i turn and watch the raven haired boy sit down next to me, silent for several minutes before he turns to face me
“im sorry i didn’t tell you” he confesses looking to me for some sort of sign that i’d forgiven him, “i didn’t want it to change the way you felt about me”
i sigh moving my head away from the window “it wouldn’t have jug, it hasn’t” i tell him shaking my head slightly “it’s the fact that you hid it and when i asked you- you-you just didn’t want to tell me” i argue frustration building.
“i want you to trust me-like you do with betty and with arc-” “archie stormed into the shower and told the girls- i don’t know what they’re thinking”
“i trust you- sometimes i feel like you’re the only person i can trust” i let out a laugh a tear falling from my eye, he scoots closer to me my legs draping over his lap
“was it serpents? that beat us up? that left the box in the diner?” i fiddling with my fingers scared to look him in the eyes.
“the box yes, it wasn’t my dad (y/n) i promise you- i had no idea. i don’t think it was the people who hurt you” he sucks in a breathe glancing up at my still bruised face.
“i wish i was me” he mumbles “you didn’t deserve it” i shake my head grabbing his hand “don’t do that to yourself- you don’t deserve it either” i assure him resting my head onto his shoulder
we sit for a minute in utter silence too wrapped up in eschtoher to say a word, “you threw me in a hot water with your brother yanno, i had to tell him” you giggle fiddling with his flanno.
“told him what?” “that i kissed you- more than once” i blush “how’d he take it?” jughead laughs raising his eyebrows “it’s your brother he has as much emotion as a box of crayons”
i laugh, closing my eyes briefly, reopening them to find jughead closer to my face. i steady my breathing placing my hand on his cheek.
“im sorry” we blurt at once, laughing at each other “im sorry, jughead” i smile softly at him “im sorry too, i should’ve told you sooner”
“you know how you can make it up to me?” i smile wickedly “mmhm” “you could kiss me” a cheeky smile grows on his face “you don’t have to tell me twice”
and with that he presses his lips against mine in one soft, breathtaking kiss. i pull away sucking in a large breathe as he leans his forehead against mine.
“forgiven?” he muses a blush evident on both of our faces “mmm nope one more” i pull on his shirt joining our lips one more time.
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marlikesthings · 7 years
Text
I've already written why I love m21 and rai from noblesse and I wanted to do the same thing for frankenstein (one of my favorite characters in this manhwa). I've already said that I love his sassiness and how badass he is but there is so much more to love about frankenstein.
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I don’t really have a specific moment where I felt he would become a favorite. He just did. Although I do have to admit I enjoyed his interactions with m21 back in season 1 (I love their interactions), and how he understood what rai was thinking without him needing to talk. That may have influenced me. 
One of the reasons why I love frankenstein is because he is very loyal to rai and he cares a lot about him. It's impossible to talk about frankenstein and not talk about rai. Rai disappeared for 820 years yet frankenstein never stopped looking for him. If this doesn't show how much he cares/how loyal he is, then I don't know what does. Another proof of his loyalty is the fact that frankenstein respects rai's wishes to not use his powers. The only times he breaks the seal by himself are when rai is in danger. The first time was when he was confronting takeo and he threatened to attack rai. Frankenstein said: “what can you do to the master, huh? I can't believe you made me break the promise to my master” (chapter 133). And then there is this scene:
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Chapter 238
Frankenstein broke the seal to create a new ring for rai and help him conserve his life force (seal his powers). Therefore, although he did break the seal I don't really blame him. He had the best intentions in mind (unless I am forgetting a scene where he used his powers/broke the seal for other reasons). He only wants to help rai and to protect him. Without him rai would have been all alone and would have never met the kids and/or adopted the children. It’s impressive how far frankenstein went just to assure rai would be comfortable. He knew rai's wishes to have a normal life will probably never come true but he tried his best to make it happen. 
I've already said this but he is funny and sassy. I always enjoy his appearances especially when he is teasing/provoking the enemies. I think his reactions when the kids come to his house and make a mess are great. Or when the trio do something they shouldn’t. I also love the reaction other characters have when they are with him.
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Chapter 338: I like his face here XD
I also like how he sometimes teases the children
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Chapter 176: Context: Frankenstein, rai and regis are in lukedonia and they are going to rai’s mansion which is located in forbidden lands. Two guards found them and asked them to leave. Regis knocked them out as he feared frankenstein would do something worse to the guards. 
When he said: “Gechutel will be sad” I started laughing. Poor regis. He did nothing wrong. Also, it’s very funny how frankenstein of all people is accusing others of liking violence XD
Sure his attitude can sometimes be worrying, he uses too much energy and he enjoys messing with his enemies a little bit too much. Well, not really, he enjoys teasing people a lot. I am not going to talk about this here since this is an appreciation post XD. Regardless of that, frankenstein reacts like that most of the times because someone is in danger. Generally rai. Otherwise, he reacts like that when the enemy did something bad and he is pissed. He is very protective of his master and honestly I like how he says things others don't dare. He isn't afraid of messing with muzaka. Neither is he afraid of intervening in the middle of a fight and provoke muzaka and maduke in recent chapters. All because he didn't want to see rai lose more life force. 
You know who reminds me of frankenstein? Tao. They are both very different characters, but they both have moments when they go 'crazy' (both cases are very different, but still). I mean, tao and frankenstein's attitudes are perfect for comic relief. They both go "muajajaja" sometimes (you can see tao laughing like that in chapter 237). Frankenstein always acts like this in battles while tao does it in his everyday life. He tends to be more serious in battles. Moments like these make the reading much more enjoyable/entertaining. This just my personal opinion though. Now, his sharp tongue reminds me of m21. I love how you can find similarities between these characters. Especially since they live with frankenstein and they are his children. I never get bored of seeing him.
I also like how he plays with his identity (kind of). Normal people (like the two KSA officers) want to know who he really is. That is to be expected since frank doesn't look like your average high school chairman. But then he gives an answer like this one:
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Chapter 238: Please look at everyone's faces here. They are hilarious XD
He said the same thing in chapter 245. I already said it, but I never get tired of seeing frankenstein. 
I also like how powerful he is. But more than that I like how people respect him. They are sometimes even afraid of him, and he is human. Well kind of, he has been alive for too long, so I am not sure if he can still be considered human at this point. It's his race, but otherwise he is able to do things normal humans (even modified) can't. In the past, he was able to fight against ragar (rael's father) and read his moves, even though that was the first time he confronted someone so strong. And according to his own words, he still wasn't ready/able to fight a family leader. Now he is even stronger and it seems like little by little he is learning how to control better dark spear. At the very least he was able to avoid being consumed by it. Although if rai hadn't interfered who knows what would have happened. 
I also like how smart he is. He knew about the family leaders and soul weapons, even though that information was only accessible to nobles (probably because he collected data from the nobles he captured but anyway). He was a scientist in the past and he had a terrible reputation. To quote gejutel: “Even humans are afraid of his cruelty and powers. He gained power by any means necessary [...] So I heard that human organizations are trying to kill him” (chapter 239). What frankenstein was doing might not have been good, but at the very least it's not like he went on a rampage just for fun. He was mad. Mutants were doing whatever they wanted and they were also attacking innocent humans. Why wouldn't he be mad? The nobles, who created those mutants weren't taking any responsibility for it. They did nothing to stop it. I like how even though he was pissed with the nobles, he did acknowledge humans cruelty (he admits humans used other humans in order to obtain a soul weapon and that humans and nobles made pacts). 
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Chapter 243
He knew nobles were doing whatever they wanted. Frankenstein basically predicted the nobles would end up running wild/betraying their own race. Once again I feel the need to say I am surprised by how smart and how perceptive frank is. 
I like how he doesn't consider himself inferior to others (regardless of their race). He is tired of humans being treated as weaklings. To quote frankenstein: “I will make sure you remember... that humans being are not... weak!!” (chapter 242).
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Chapter 243: Frankenstein doesn't like to be treated as a weak human.
He fights for what he thinks is right. And I respect that. I also like how he acknowledges his enemies strength. He might be very proud of his strength but he does respects others (if they became strong by themselves and not by dirty means/enhancement/sacrificing others). 
Frankenstein is very careful and I like that. When he was writing his books, he made sure there were mistakes in case someone ever decided to use his research for their own greed. For example, modified humans/werewolves can't regenerate if they are attacked by dark spear. That was a very smart move. Ironically, without him, noblesse (the manhwa) wouldn't even exist. He is the one who did/wrote all the research crombel is using after all. 
I like how he uses his knowledge to help the children get stronger but he never does anything they don't want. And he doesn't use them as lab experiments. He doesn't like the idea of them being in danger or being forced to do things against their will. He was very pissed when he realized m21 was being used as an experiment by the werewolves. He understands m21 and he knew there is nothing worse for m21 than to be treated as a disposable item. Although we often see him getting angry, this is his own way of showing he is worried. Frankenstein understands the kids not only because he is very perceptive but also because he cares about them. He wants to understand them. And he sympathises with them. This brings me to my next point.
I've already said he is very protective of rai. But he is also protective of the children. Do not mess with them. He always goes to rescue them when they are in trouble. Yes, part of it is because he doesn't want rai to use his life force, but that's not all. I've already explained that above. I love it when frank is protective of the children.
He is unexpectedly gentle. It's obvious how much he cares about his master and how nice he is to him. But he is also nice with others and he worries about them. For example, we can see frankenstein worried about m21 in chapter 116. Frankenstein and rai were discussing what was the purpose of m21 going with DA-5 (if he stayed with them for a mission or not). There is a cute exchange (for me) where rai ask frank if he is worried and frank start insisting he is only worried about his master, among other things, until rai had to stop him from talking. Rai knew frankenstein wasn’t being totally honest with himself. At that time they weren’t even that close yet he was still worried. Another example is when m24 (mark) entered the house. He knew there was something weird about him. He had seen the footage where m24 was acting weird but he never told m21. He even said (to tao and takeo): “you know how much m-21 cares for m-24, right? [...] But we can't doubt m-24 with only that” and “don't look at me like that. I would have done the same if you were in m-21's position” (chapter 250). He is so good. He did refuse when m21 asked rai to awaken m24 (which is to be expected since rai's life would be in danger and he suspected m24) but otherwise he was very supportive of him. 
I finally finished writing this! :D It took longer than expected but I wanted to make a proper post explaining why I love him.
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pearlcrysta · 7 years
Text
Venting Sobfest. Moving on. Fanfics are hard to write like this. Cause they end up with me being a sadist on the chars. Readers want fluff too.
Writing on phone.
Or, how u can use all ur. built up emotions and feelings to write sobfest for readers.
I am a pretty selfish being when it comes to friendships - online too. I feel constantly lonely in real life and can t help wonder what is wrong with me to appall certain people whom I had never encountered troubles with.
At University – there was a group of acquaintances - they were very much friends with each other. While I was just there.
Never included in their out-of-college experiences.
I also am not a human who is a pushover, like purposely want to self-invite to things just to be forcefully included. I can also semi-sense when people ask you out of politeness to go somewhere, but the answer they wanna hear is ‘no’.
Or, when I ran late to class, no one bothered saving a seat for me. Some rarely did out of courtesy, only when i messaged them. While for their 'friends’, they d do it on instinct even if they end up skipping class.
I was always at the bottom choice when group projects were made. Even though i generally aim to be serious on such projects since grade doesn t reflect just my own performance.
The other has to have a good mark too. Still… always picked last.
It’s little things like this that upset me socially throughout college, hurting me even a year gafterwards since contact with anyone from there is rare… And at the same time I realize - i can t force someone to be my friend.
Or to like me.
These people mostly lived together in dorms. I lived at home cause college is 40 mins from home —- easy-peasy to have gotten there.
They interacted offline a lot. I do online more with them.and by more - school work more while they managed to naturally drift for topics.
I could have put more effort. I know I could but I am socially awkward as f,feeling most comfy online where friendships seem so much easier to make.
And cause it s so easier to me online, when i find an emotional support, i tend to cling on it. xD irritatingly. even if i like a person or have a crush on them online, in the end, any romance will be dead, slaughtered by things like distance (different countries, livelihoods, dreams).
Not every crush should be followed through. 
Even if we could write for hours, long term thing other than friendship would have been an emotional hassle. A pain that I don t want anymore. And despite liking him, I know a futureless ship when i see it so my heart gets over it - or pretends to. Honestly, I liked him because he paid attention to me, helped me a lot in games and was there to greet me so eagerly every single day for months.
Months in a row.
Showering love of all sort.
And I tried my best to help him back.
But i also got tired of listening to broken record problems. I m human too. xD i can t always find supportive words. Not when i am told that he would move to my country just to stay with me.
As a friend too.
I managed to convince him eventually how bad an idea it was to do so - for a girl online. Friendzoned hard as f — that s how i heartlessly did it.
He said he was ok with it as long as he could be around me.
It was nearly a year of amazing friendship when it all soured since March.
April maybe.
When he found a replacement for everything he once sought in me. He got over me - friendship wise too. I am no longer relevant to his daily life.
No longer important enough to greet.
No longer important to care for.
No longer an excited 'hea’ 'heya’ 'smiley face’.
No longer interested in my day.
No longer caring if i am sad. Even when i specify i am sad because of him and him ignoring me, saying how rekt I was for him replacing me — he says that when he was sad that i shrugged it away or said for him to be quiet. I didn.t want to listen to his problems anymore.
… What… the… fuck????!!!!
Sorry for not having patience 24/7 like ur new twin does. He s also not sorry for moving on from talking to someone who made him feel bad, to someone who supports him 100%.
…. Hah…
That was heartbreaking to hear cause I never thought I wronged him to this extent. Why the f did he bottle so much and then come with the crap that 'i tried to tell you, you wouldn t listen’????????????
There s a difference between “trying” and “fucking telling”!!!!!
Even though he promised he would always be there for me - as a friend. He broke this promise.
Like he broke many other promises.
Little things added together.
Drifting away so much it hurts.
I fck up too at things - i was no innocent victim and had selfish moments. I admit, I fucking liked to have someone give a damn that i was worth a small greeting every single day.
I felt less lonely.
Loved.
But he was clingy too. So clingy at first, dear god. Super clingy - Yoosung style almost - and i would point out that i d need some space.  never meant an entire black hole type of space. It s tiresome to talk for hours, months on end with a human. even one u like their company of.
I can t do it well.
I m tired… … … I m depressed.
How easy people use me. Just to throw me away when they find better. Or no longer need me for their issues. Cause they have BETTER. …. Forcing out topics for the sake of it made me feel drained to keep up… i needed some breathing space. So, It s back to suffocating loneliness space now, i got my fucking wish apparently.
Because he found his emotional twin whom he connects perfectly with.
While I ve become disposable trash.
He didn t say this - I assume I am trash to him for how he reacts around me. Confronting him did no good ((ultimately, it s my fault i couldn t help him anymore and he did what i wanted. Only problem is, he did too well)).
I stay invisible for days — no signs of concern from his part.
I come online and chat on public channels — barely acknowledged. I start a lot of conversations now whereas before he jumped on my chat every single day. If I don t write first, we are silent for days. And when I do write, it s mostly me begging for game things now. cause i m insensitive like that. And dunno how to talk to him naturally anymore. I pretend to be ok. And happy for the situation. when all i want is things to return to how it was before the fallout…
Tonight i flipped off.
I had it.
He shows love, friendship and has secrets with his twin — remember when u said u d never keep secrets from me? Yeah? I know u forgot.
Like you forgot about me.
Cause i am a fucking replaceable human. XD which u make it clear every single day by how much love u pour to ur twin. While I get is yelling, cold shoulder or not even a glancing thought anymore in ur day.
How am I doing?
U don t care that I have cried before, why would u now?
All i m ever left with are promises that end up half assed and empty. friendship that makes me cry more than an online relationship ever fucking did — I even left the common discord group we shared and he gave zero fucks.
… …
You don t even notice me gone…
XD … …
Seeing u happy while I am so torn. When u were emotionally bad, I helped u. Spent hours and hours to cheer u up and I can t even fucking convince u to do the same for me anymore.
If ur twin asks u for stuff or needs anything, u run at her like a dog. When I do, u act like it s the hardest thing ever to do in life. … … … … The only good part is out of all this is that it s giving me material for my MysMe fanfiction. I m using the story to vent and crap on MC s emotions. Using Magic Zen power to heal. Story probably going to shit anyway xD you reading my story was a nice feeling. But u stopped. If ur twin would write one, u d gobble it up like candy.
I m a sour person XD 
maybe that s why people find it easy to treat me like this.
Intentionally or not, I can t handle my emotions anymore… so i follow my advice and quit on those that cause me pain. At least until i can be mature enough to handle the switch in social dynamics.
It takes months but i ll get over this hurdle.
Investing so much time and energy on someone who d fucking dump me aside for a “better” version.
I ll always remember this treatment though.
...
...
Conclusions: need to reach out to the few friends i have left. @.@ gdi. 
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