#I have to learn to exist without you

[seeminglydark]

Little Angel and their Sunshine Boy✨

He’s been gone for years

But so have you. The scent of his mint gum and cigarettes in the jacket you stole faded away a long time ago.

Someone introduces him to a podcast, laying in his bed at night, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling, it makes him start to feel like a person again.

Making the podcast makes you feel like a person again too.

Neither of you know you’re less than ten miles apart, staring at your own star strewn ceilings, connected by a voice in the ether he no longer recognizes.

I thought it was interesting and kinda fun that I’m working on Caro’s story via The Mil-Liminal Podcast, and Sully’s story, Creaky (a graphic novel), at the same time, both are stories about life going on without each other, coming of age, and learning to exist around grief and loss. They have no idea how close they still are.

[ravenpureforever]

On one hand, Young Justice is kind of neglected by the actual superheroes that should be looking out for them in a lot of crucial ways and very much failed by the adults around them

But on the other hand Red Tornado straight up hosts a parent-teacher conference where their respective legal guardians all show up, barring Batman who’s in traffic so Nightwing fills in instead because Robin’s dad does not know he’s a vigilante which is objectively hilarious

[s0fter-sin]

rewatching s1 and in ep2 w*ndigo, dean makes a joke about not bringing provisions into the woods just to pull out a bag of peanut butter m&m’s and stick with me here, it’s why the later seasons’ “goofy dean” loses me

this moment is clearly a joke but if you think about it too much, it also makes some sense; a family size bag of peanut m&m’s is calorie dense and even the high sugar is good to keep you moving which they need on an overnight hunt. it also shows how due to their upbringing, they’ve had to eat lower quality food, things they always had access to that was cheap and also in bulk

what does dean eating ghost pepper jerky then tipping water on himself exist for other than to be a cringy joke? what does smelling old chinese food, testing to see if it's still good then shaking his head with cabbage hanging out his mouth when it isn't serve? it's just to make him look stupid and contrast sam's healthy/clean diet (and superiority but that’s another conversation) which has always existed but it used to be nuanced and natural

we see dean as a child give up the food he wanted to eat so sam could eat it. (“i’m sick of spaghetti-os,” “you’re the one who wanted them,” … “i want lucky charms!” “… there’s only enough for one bowl and i haven’t had any yet!” proceeds to give them to sam, 1x18) we know he hustled and stole food to ensure sam ate. (“so, what’d he take?” “get this- peanut butter and bread.” 9x07)

we also see throughout the early seasons dean teasing sam about his salad or healthy choice while he eats some form of burger or other fast food (or notably, cheerfully eating prison food that sam won’t touch, 2x19). it's typical sibling teasing but it also shows that it isn't new for sam to eat like that and for dean to know he eats like that

sam being picky isn't just a character trait they chose for him, it's a result of how dean raised him; he raised him to like and want healthy food and be food secure enough to reject food he didn't want

but dean eats anything he is given and seeks out unhealthy - cheap, plentiful, filling - food

he is the opposite of picky to the point of it being a consistent bit; they show him multiple times eating when it's socially frowned upon to do so eg. questioning a grieving victim when they're trying to be discreet (1x14, 2x15, 2x18)

a similar moment to the chinese food is in 4x19; dean wakes up in the car while sam brushes his teeth outside and is hungry. sam says there's a sandwich in the backseat, dean smells it and recoils bc it's an old tuna sandwich. the moment is funny on its own but it also exists as a comparison of their lives to adam's; he has a loving mother, goes to school and importantly, a steady stable childhood

it’s a joke with a purpose

it also supports dean's food insecurity; he wakes up and is immediately hungry, enough to complain about it and seek out food before anything else

dean is always hungry bc he never has access to nutritionally rich foods bc he got used to using the money he earned to buy sam's more expensive food. he got used to his cheaper, denser foods and grew up with (and continues to live with) intermittent access to said foods. think of how long it takes to drive from one state to another; how many hours it can take to see another town that offers food, if you arrive at a reasonable enough time for anything to be open. also think how they can’t keep any food beyond what fits in an esky; nothing that needs defrosting, nothing can be heated up. it’s bags and jars and take out for as long as they can trust it

then they get the bunker which has its own kitchen

dean even describes himself as "nesting" when he decorates his room, something he hasn't had since he was four years old, and he uses said kitchen to cook a burger from scratch that he is proud of. he is food secure for the first time in his life and it shows in how often he cooks for both himself and sam

so these moments where they have him acting goofy regarding food are no longer character driven and only exist as a joke which is why they come across as cringy and out of character compared to similar earlier moments

a lot of my issues with dean's characterisation started when they introduced the bunker. the argument can and is made that the reason these jokes happen is bc he feels safe in the bunker, that bc he now has a home he can relax and unmask but that still doesn't feel sufficient. they crank up these sillier moments for both of them, giving them a sort of playing house comedy vibe of two roommates with completely different personalities but it doesn't feel like an authentic progression. it feels forced; an attempt at humour for humour's sake

food stopped being an informed part of their characters and their trauma and instead became flanderised; sam is the judgy vegetarian health nut and dean is his borderline slovenly carnivore counterpart

[of-yourblazingsun]

Happy birthday to the dreamiest professor Hogwarts ever did see

[beclight]

im known for being THE bec light fan of the fandom, so i feel like im in the right place to say this: YOU DO NOT OWN FANDOM CHARACTERS AND CANNOT PREVENT OTHER PEOPLE FROM LIKING THEM JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO, and if that makes you uncomfortable (which is fine, and for any reason), THE THING TO DO IS BLOCK NOT HARASS THEM!!!!!!! ive seen too many ppl in this fandom disrespect others over DARING to say, even as a joke, that they're the number one fan of X character. If someone having the same favorite group of pixels as you genuinely angers you, to the point of feeling the need to insult them and having concerning thoughts about them, then maybe it is time to log off

[tvmblrsillyman]

still salty that a random tech startup bought a beloved tumblrina playlist maker from inevitable shutdown, failed to relaunch the site, left it abandoned for years only relaunch it as their own thing at the corpse of a website/brand they have bought

[i-cant-sleep-thinking-of-bsd]

So, I've recently been attempting to learn Japanese, and one cool detail I noticed that probably everyone else already knows is that in Given, it's decided to change the band's name from "the seasons" to "given". Even tho it is stated that they also wanna change it because loads of other bands have similar names and because it was chosen before Mafuyu had joined, it is mentioned that it was a thing because all Haruki's, Ue's and Kagi's name have an element that references a season. So, Kagi's given name is Akihiko, and "aki" means autumn; Haruki's name has "haru", which means spring; Uenoyama's name means "the first day of summer".

Now, what I find really interesting is that, even tho the decide to change the name partly because Mafuyu wouldn't be included, Mafuyu's name also checks the boxes, since it contains the "fuyu", which means "winter" . So, had they kept the name, not only would they all have checked the "name after a season box", but they all would be representing a different one, and they'd cover all of them.

Again, I'm pretty sure loads of other people had noticed this before and I'm super late, but I thought it was worthy mentioned because I find it funny that they went through all the trouble of finding a new name even tho the one the already had was actually perfectly suited.

[indigostudies]

specifically the post i’m annoyed by is by a big blog that will remain unnamed (general big blog, not language sphere big blog…i think. unless my judgement of this person’s online activity is entirely off) and insists that if you “just turn on the [language] subs rather than english subs” you’ll…somehow magically begin to understand (presumably at least intermediate conversational) dialogue in shows? which, i think comprehensible input can be a great tool but…that’s not CI. you’re just advising people to do something that will have little to no payoff unless they’re already familiar with the language’s basics (at least!)(the post was specifically aimed at beginning learners with no/little familiarity, though!) and which will probably leave them frustrated and demoralised…i don’t mean to gatekeep but i think sometimes maybe people shouldn’t confidently claim xyz method is the One True Secret Solution. especially if they have, quite literally, no sources to back them up besides (to quote the internet) “source: trust me bro”.

[hybbat]

The art tutorials never cover the things that actually need tutorials (programming) (graphic design) (navigation) (resources) (terminology) (actually telling you the tool they used and how to use it in the first place)

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

[lpsgirl109]

I know very little about the murder drones panic au but I do think you guys are slowly turning it into the underlust of the murder drones fandom the way yall don't know how to go "gross! Anyway not my business"

[eclipsesalign]

i have takes on mouthwashing that would lead to the majority of its fandom to throttle me i think

[screambirdscreaming]

Much could be said interrogating the concept of "gifted kid burnout" or "smart kid syndrome" or whatever you call it, and much of it's been said better than I can

But what gets to me about it sometimes is that.... I feel like people have described a reasonable concept and then related themselves to it backwards. Or taken a real problem and constructed their concept of it backwards.

Like yeah, it does kind of fuck a person up to be highly rewarded in this extremely arbitrary constructed environment, which incidentally is where you spend most of your waking hours, while being told that it's all deeply related to your excellence and worth as a person. And then when you leave that constructed environment, you fall apart and fail to function in all sorts of ways, because you've built your skills to so completely rely on that environment (while being told this is the best most excellent thing you could do and the best most valuable way to be).

And it basically leaves a person with several options:

1) cling tighter to the structure that validates you. Dedicate yourself to reaffirming that the structure itself is meaningful to reinforce it's ability to impart meaning back to you. Spend your whole life running from failure.

2) realize that you can't keep up with the demands, but construct this as either a personal failing or a failing of the system to train you well enough. Keep seeking sources of validation to replace the hole in your sense of self-worth where being special used to go.

3) realize that the whole thing was kind of a scam from the start. Being ranked is bad. Proving value is bad. Learn to do things and enjoy things without having to be good at them or prove something.

And the thing is that I think option 3 is necessary to actually be at peace with yourself as a person. (And also, it's necessary to find true solidarity with people who were fucked up by the same system on the opposite end, being told they *weren't* good enough. Which is worse. The fact that that's worse doesn't mean I can't or won't talk about how this one sucks, but if you can't acknowledge that that one's worse, I think that's a problem.)

Anyway. Probably I'm barking up entirely the wrong tree, because the whole concept of "gifted burnout" is basically the domain of people who are stuck on option 2. And it's not like I don't see tons of stuff aimed at "it's ok to be bad at things! Enjoy it anyway!" Like that message is very much out there and in ways that I can infer to mean other people are also wrangling with this same stuff.

The problem is. Sometimes I have a problem and this type of framing is the only way I have to get at it. Sometimes I take a class where I accidentally fall into the role of being the Whizz Kid, and it's a weird sort of adrenaline hit, where being Good At The Thing feels really good and important but it takes up too much of my brainspace and I find myself more easily frustrated and it's harder to find contentment. And then I have to unpick that whole thing and walk it back and remind myself that it literally doesn't matter to be good at the thing. It's just a thing and you're just some guy and you can engage with the actual world rather than the abstract field of Showing Off Land. Like it's this whole other plane of social interaction, which may or may not exist - as in, no one else in the room is necessarily there with you, sending or receiving any signals on that frequency - but you can get stuck there. And it feels bad to be stuck there, constantly sending out "look aren't I special?" and getting upset if you don't recieve back enough pings of "wow you're so special." What is this bullshit? I don't want to be that guy. I don't like that it runs so deeply in me that it can be activated by accident.

Sometimes I do something that turns out pretty well and I want to be regular proud of it but I find myself ping-ponging between thinking I'm amazing and unprecedented and thinking that actually it's probably stupid and all sorts of people can do it - and what sort of fucked up value scale is that? It turned out pretty good and that's neat. It doesn't matter how *common* it is, that isn't anything. If it's worth doing it's worth there being plenty of it.

Like it's fine. It's fine. I've learned to recognize it and I know how to combat it so I walk myself back out of it. It just also kind of sucks. And sometimes, I wish I had an easy way to vent about it, without falling into the whole circlejerk of people coming up with backhanded ways to tell each other they're still special enough. Rather than actually deeply accepting that it's ok that you're not any better than other people.

You are just some guy! Huzzah!

[the-ipre]

listening to the sunset tree by the mountain goats and thinking about charles rowland

[mars-ipan]

i find it kinda funny that the fukuona shoujo gif shocks so many people so badly. i mean i don't BLAME them or anything but having grown up hearing about liveleak and reddit 50/50 and other shock video sites that involved real ass people dying (that i was too afraid to visit (thanks past me i appreciate that) but still knew about). the existence of a gif of an anime girl getting flayed is not all that shocking to me

[imminent-danger-came]

How’s the characterization in The Amazing Digital Circus after episode 1? It looks like a fun show, but the characters in the first episode came off as somewhat one-note, and I’m wondering if I should keep watching. Thank you!

I think ep 1 is fun, but ep 2 is definitely where my interest was piqued/it gets more themetically intriguing! I'd give it a chance after the first ep.

1x02 onwards is when we start to get focus on individual characterization/backstory and how different people cope in a bad situation (and even some neat world building). The setup and consistency between eps is honestly refreshing, esepcially for something so popular! For me personally, they do everything I could ever want with a concept like this (I am a sucker for personhood/identity themes, thank you for my life ep 2). I like the characters, 95% of the jokes land/in-character (plus there's no bathos and we commit to our tone), and I have little to no complaints about the script. Like I think it's a legitimately good time! I appreciate my gummigoo/kinger parallels, I really do.