#I just cant bring myself to close this account

[neverceasetoamazeme]

I'M BACK, BABY ✨️

I realized that I made a similar post like this back in 2019, and at that time I was neck deep in college stuff so I never really followed through.

Fast forward to 5 years later (holy moly) and I've graduated and started my career back in 2020. Needless to say, adulting sucks and I miss the easy days of just waiting for HTTYD movies and series seasons to come out.

With all the media that's being forced down our throats nowadays, I want to be more intentional with what I absorb so I think I really wanna hang around tumblr again and maybe tidy up this account, back to its former glory! Maybe not like before, but just to dust off the cobwebs and whatnot

I can't promise that I'll be online all the time since the real world still calls for me, but I definitely will be popping in and out every couple of days!

Like before, this will be a HTTYD blog and my other fandoms will be in @alittletooaddicted (kinda wanna update that username so I'll just keep y'all posted on that)

My feed has also become a bit scattered so I might need to clean that up as well.

If you're a HTTYD blog, I'd love to become mutuals with you! Additionally, if we're mutuals and used to communicate a lot back then, do say hello! I miss our exchanges back when I was still in high school hahahaha.

Looking forward to see how this little revival project goes!

[miumura]

( 💿 ) YOU’RE BLUSHING? — JI CHANGMIN FIC

[ DAY TWELVE ] of the advent calendar !

( 💿 ) SYNOPSIS . . as much as you wanted to deny that you had feelings for him, it was getting harder to ignore ever since he commented on how pink your face was—knowing that it was caused because of him.

( + ) PAIRING . . friend!changmin x gn!reader

( 💿 ) GENRE . . fluff, crack kinda, mutual pining, friends 2 lovers (GET IT AWAY FROM ME I CANT STOP WRITING FOR F2LS.)

( + ) WARNINGS . . eric kinda pushy but hes js trying to be a wingman, reader is a lil mean BUT W GOOD INTENTIONS, some profanity

( 💿 ) NOTE . . ignore that im like sm days late im trying to hold myself accountable okay 😭 life has been lifeing and posting daily is hard i applaud people that r able to post sm everyday .. at this rate im gonna post 4 fics a day im so behind .. anyways lets totally pretend i didnt snatch this idea from irl !

“Do you like him?” Eric pressured you to answer for the millionth time, trying to get the truth out of you. He would always bring up this question during the last period, knowing it was just you and him around and not anyone else. Even with him showing his puppy eyes, you looked at him, and repeated the answer you’d always tell him. “No, I don’t like Changmin.”

“You’re lying again,” Eric sighed, knowing how stupid you would be trying to figure out your real feelings for your best friend, Ji Changmin.

Changmin is clearly your type—you know that, and even Eric knows that. But according to you, he’s too perfect for you, which only causes Eric to roll his eyes. He’s more like a perfect pair for you, if he does say so himself. Either way, you can’t really tell if Changmin even feels the same way.

So, you’re afraid, leading up to you not confessing your feelings at all—even if someone (Eric) tries to convince you to, you would not even make a move.

“Seriously, I don’t know why you wouldn’t confess,” Eric says, popping a piece of gum in his mouth.

“…Because I don’t like him like that?”

“And I can stuff 50 pepero sticks in my mouth–wait…maybe I can. Whatever–don’t make me go off track!” He pointed at you, like you had anything to do with his absurd ideas anyways. “That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard from you.”

Do you even like Changmin like that?

“Whatever.” The bell rang, signifying that everyone was allowed to leave for the day. Looking out of the nearby window, you could already see bits of snow falling down, and Eric was all excited. “It’s snowing!”

“Great…” You already knew it was going to be cold, and you really hated walking in the cold. But, the snow was going to make the walk back home even worse than it already was. “Come on, let’s go!” He drags you by the arm, hurrying over to the lockers.

Your locker conveniently stands between Eric's and Changmin's, offering a seamless meeting point for the trio of best friends. As you chat with Eric, the familiar voice of Changmin interrupts your conversation.

"Hey!" Changmin's voice accompanies his quick steps as he approaches with a broad smile on his face. Eric nudges you, and you shoot him a scornful look. "What?"

"Nothing," you whisper back to Eric, well aware that Changmin is eyeing the two of you curiously. The dynamics of your friendship triangle always keep things interesting.

“Anyways—” Eric continues, with a mischievous glint in his eye, suggesting he's up to something once again. “I have to go with Sunwoo, so you two have fun!”

"Wait, what? Doesn’t Sunwoo have soccer practice—” Before you can finish, Eric waves a quick goodbye and scurries off. You knew him well enough to sense that he orchestrated this moment for you and Changmin. After all, he claims you have feelings for him, something you vehemently deny. Changmin, unfazed by Eric's antics, takes the opportunity to suggest, “Want to do something after school now that Eric ditched us?”

“Sure, why not?” you casually say, closing the locker door in front of you. “You lead the way, Mr. Chang.” He rolls his eyes at the sudden nickname, and you can't help but let out a soft giggle, soon walking besides him.

As you and Changmin make your way to the front of the school, he glances at you and notices that you don't have gloves on despite the chilly weather.

“Hey, aren't you cold without gloves?” he asks, concern lacing his voice.

“Hm?”

“Your hands are red already,” Changmin points out. You look down at your hands, and indeed, they are red—the color has spread all over them. In response, you pull up your sleeves, trying to hide the chilly effect.

“I’ll be fine,” you shrug, but he continues to look concerned. His worry tugs at you, appreciating the care he's showing.

Without a word, Changmin takes off his gloves and holds them out to you. “Here, take these. You shouldn't be freezing your hands off.”

You hesitate, ready to refuse, but he insists, sliding the gloves onto your hands regardless. The warmth instantly envelops your cold fingers, and you can't help but appreciate the small act of kindness, feeling yourself smile.

“There—oh! Are you okay? You’re red,” Changmin observes, his hands almost reaching your face. “Do you need my scarf—” You quickly intervene by placing your own hands on your cheeks, feeling the heat.

“Oh—shit…” you mumble, realizing the inevitable, and he tries to perk his ears to catch what you're saying. “I’m blushing…”

“You’re blushing?” he questions, a hint of surprise in his tone. Well, it seems he caught onto those words, making the situation even more awkward.

“Why?” Changmin asks, genuinely puzzled.

Letting out a sigh, you cover your face with your hands and mutter, “It’s because of you, idiot.”

His eyes widen at your response, a mixture of surprise and amusement crossing his face.

"So... you have feelings for me?" Changmin questions.

"No, I totally despise you to the point that my face randomly turns red at the mere sight of you," you retort sarcastically, eliciting a small chuckle from him.

"Now that's more like you."

"Whatever." A moment of quiet descends, and you both share affectionate glances. Taking a step closer, Changmin reaches for both of your hands. "I like you too."

This time, your face turns completely red, and he can't help but enjoy the effect he has on you. Instead of your giggle, you hear faint noises in the background. Turning abruptly, you squint your eyes, only to discover Eric and Sunwoo spying in the corner.

"Eric? Sunwoo?!" you exclaim, causing Eric to accidentally push Sunwoo's face into the snow, and then quickly backing away. "What the heck, Eric?"

"Sorry!"

"They just had to be our friends, huh?" Changmin remarks, and you nod as the other two continue bickering—mostly Sunwoo seeking revenge and Eric pleading for mercy. At least you and Changmin have something sweet going on, rather than being entangled in that chaos.

And now you know you like him like that. No more denying it.

TBZ PERM TAGLIST — @flwoie @haruavrse @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @ilovechanhee @ja4hyvn @vampcharxter

ADVENT CALENDAR MLIST — @en-dream @i-yeseo @yizhoutv @yuma-is-mine @wtfhyuck @sansfransisco

[fumikomha]

❤️ momo yaoyorozu x shoto todoroki 🔥 | "falling in love with him" ❄️

━━━━━ . ﾟ｡ ₍ 𓆩 𖤐 𓆪 ₎ ｡ﾟ. ━━━━━

✰ hello everyoneeee!!! this is my 1st mha story [well first story ive ever posted on this website but yk]! i made this because i love yaoyorozu x todoroki! im currently working on kny and other mha stories!! if yall want this to become a series!!! please give me some ideas!! my q&a button is open!!

✰ anime/manga: my hero academia/mha/bnha✰ characters: momo yaoyorozu and shoto todoroki

✰✰✰ I DO NOT OWN MHA OR THESE CHARACTERS! CREDITS GO TO KOHEI HORIKOSHI!!!!!!!!!

━━━━━ . ﾟ｡ ₍ 𓆩 𖤐 𓆪 ₎ ｡ﾟ. ━━━━━

hello allow me to introduce myself to you. my name is momo yaoyorozu and my quirk is creation. my favorite hobby is reading and i go to ua high school. i got in through recommendations and so did my friend shoto todoroki. im in love with him and i really want to give him a little surprise even though its not going to be something id usually do.

━━━━━ . ﾟ｡ ₍ 𓆩 𖤐 𓆪 ₎ ｡ﾟ. ━━━━━

please let me know if yall want me to continue this series!! personally i like it and would love to continue it!! i wiil post a blog about me and what my account will be like. oh! and alsoooo i will make some mha collages!! :DD stay safe!! 🫶🏻

i was going to sixth period with him. i looked at his cute handsome face and asked him "can we go somewhere private?" "sure" he said. we went to a corner and i walked towards him. "u-uh yaoyorozu what are you doing?" his face was a bright shade of pink. i closed my eyes and gave him a kiss on his left cheek. he blushed a dark shade of red and his jaw dropped just starring into a distance. "im sorry todoroki" i said covering my heart with my hand. "n-no! dont be!" he said in a shy tone of voice. "w-what?"

he grabbed my hands and put them to his chest. "momo ive been wanting to tell you this for a very long time but never got the chance to although we have trained together a few times. i was just blinded by your beauty, skills and personality. i thought id never fall in love with someone until i seen you. youre a very pretty girl with such a beautiful personality. your presence means everything to me and i couldnt say otherwise. i want you to be mine forever and i promise i will treat you right. im not going to be an abusive boyfriend, husband or father. my dad was just like that. he abused me until i puked. hes the reason why i have a scar. he even abused my mother. i was so upset and i cant forgive him for what he has done"

"aw todoroki" i said bringing my hands to his face cupping both sides. "i never knew you went through that abuse and i apologize i think youre handsome, pretty and attractive even with your scar. i love you so much shoto todoroki. i really do"

"i love you too yaoyorozu. youre so pretty and attractive. i know this may sound a little weird but would you like to come to my house this evening? its okay if you dont" he said looking at me with those adorable eyes.

"i would love to!" he smiled and grabbed my hand. "im guessing were dating now?" i said smiling. "hehe yes todoroki" "i said holding his hand laying my head on his shoulder.

━━━━━ . ﾟ｡ ₍ 𓆩 𖤐 𓆪 ₎ ｡ﾟ. ━━━━━

please let me know if yall want me to continue this series!! personally i like it and would love to continue it!! i wiil post a blog about me and what my account will be like. oh! and alsoooo i will make some mha collages!! :DD stay safe!! 🫶🏻

[choiceswithmika]

Hi! 👋 Can you believe we’ve made it halfway through the year? Take a moment to celebrate all the progress you’ve made and everything you’ve overcome. Whether 2024 has brought you good times, trying ones, or a mix of both, you've made it this far and that is something to be proud of. I hope July brings you joy, success, and many wonderful moments. Keep going, you’re doing great! 💛 (PS—drink some water)

<333 Gladly I'll share it <3 I am going to put this in full details. I'll say for short that it is a mixed but mostly positive.

January 2024: This is when I realized that I made it in a year with community college :) Im so excited to finish next year for 2025! I grew closer in the choices fandom alongside with it. I was so excited to take more Psychology classes in that semester. I also made couple of edits for instagram page alongside with including edits gifts that I got from couple of people :).

February 2024: I received my first art commission and art sketch that I won from instagram, I was having mental crisis in short amount of time with the amount of work in studying I had and my health issues got bad. Many of my friends made my edit requests and receive. This was when I joined the choices tumblr side when I first did the fanfic for an artist and post it around.

March 2024: I had to keep going to doctors repeatedly for health reasons with 2-3 blood tests and materials got harder for me to grow. Alongside that editing was the only way to cope in this situation. I was also just pushing myself so hard to my limits. This was when I started to use romance club more which was interesting also I was kind of into it so I started to post Romance club on my instagram account and Tumblr too.

April 2024: I got my second art commission and another art sketch and things slowly calmed down for a little. I was slowly coming back feeling better and I started going to therapy for my mental health and a way to be fully comfortable with myself in communicating. I always like to think that I am positive person but what people dont see yet is that in real life I struggle to cope in social situations and being involve to things. I can be myself online with online/irl friends but being around me irl is a different story. I only talk so long around certain people and stuff. Therapy was a hard progress for then first 2-3 times until it made me feel comfortable and adjusting into it.

May 2024: Finals were somewhat easy for me but that paper final was a lot more harder than such. But I had a great group in one of my classes. Overall I at least passed all my classes so it made me happy. During the finals month I had to get my wisdom teeth removed which was the first hard week of May. But the love non stop from everyone on instagram meant so much <3.

June 2024: I was on vacation :) I was on a cruise going to Alaska and Canada, it was fun. Couple of weeks after I started my summer course alongside celebrating my birthday! I'll tell you all but.. I never receive so much love ever in any fandom I was on or in general before besides my family. The love meant everything to me and I cant be any more grateful for the love from everyone I met and got close to in the choices and romance club community <3.

All how the 6 months is :)

[randys-ranch]

A whole slew of Nothing ahead. Proceed with caution. Or if you want juicy lore.

Two or Three years ago when i was kicked from the EPTG community i became severely isolated and started to wither more then i already have. I was already at my lowest point mentally because of school, personal relationship conflict, parental conflict and other such things- EPTG/Plainview were subsequently becoming huge pieces of comfort media and my biggest hyperfixations to date, you could say its "on me" for putting all my eggs in one basket, because i was bound to trip, fall and break all the shells.

Now, i do admit fault. I was a weird, horny kid- but from what i recall an enviroment was fostered briefly where that was a thing, i observed passively suggestive conversation and i had friends who encouraged it in private, one of them being a moderator. Its been years though, you dont need to know who it was.

I behaved abnormally, i would talk innapropriately, all sorts of weird shitty things. I deserved to get banned, but the subsequent fallout affected me poorly. I was okay with it for a long time but im beginning to realize this was kind of fucked up.

During "the purge" i believe only two people were banned.. me and Stella, i was never close with them but we spoke briefly- i eventually would distance myself from them however.. sorry Stella.

I was in the 'Gandhi Server' briefly, i was civil, tranquill(not quite), i tried to avoid the wrongs i had done in the past, i sat on my hands like this for awhile-dont know how long, but the damage was already done, i left of my own accord.

And i'd be isolated and tolerated by mutuals for about a year or so..

Some kindly folks would indulge me in conversation. If i were the one to initiate it. It was hard establishing relationships again, they were polite, very sweet, but not interested in conversation, thats fine.

People were allowed to not want to talk to me after all of that, but those folks seemed more sympathetic towards me.

I've largely been on twitter- before and after my first tumblr account was suspended because i beefed with who i believe to have had been the CEO or a tumblr mod on a private side blog during the Avery debocle- vehicles, smashing tools and combustion.

Im still alone. You'd be surprised to hear that feeling interest in Garten of Banban didnt get me very far, i only talk to a couple people weekly, im not in bustling communities, i can only try to find something akin to the past and hope i dont fuck it up this time.

Gyro is as good as dead, Gyro was my best friend. I loved them deeply. I miss them like a motherfucker but i cant have them back.

When what they've been doing came to light, i saw some people huddling together, discussing it in hushed whispers..

You recognized you were going isolate them, kick them to the curb- that it maybe wasnt a good idea. But you couldnt change their mind, we couldnt change their mind.

They were dead set on this pedophilic incestuos fantasy.

Im trying to move on from it, but i bring this up because People recognized what was happening, what treatment they were getting.

Frankly Gyros shunning was deserved and we couldnt feasibly keep them around-that much is true. But there is a selfish thought at the back of my head "did you learn this from the past?"

But Gyro has Mallory. They mutually enable this perversion, this sickening disease between them. Its going to be the death of the two of them. I dont want to think about them any more. I will brew in grief and regret and sadness for awhile, this is fine, im allowed to be angry and dissapointed. Im allowed to love something im not allowed to have.

I feel like im allowed to boil in anger right now. Kaz was exposed to be a self serving bastard- just before he was 'cancelled' i sent him an anonymous apology letter. I regret it. Frankly he doesnt need to forgive me nor do i need to continue to respect him.

I'd like to return to the media he produced that spoke to me so much, maybe the rose tinted glasses would come off and i'd see the stories for what they were? Maybe they werent that great? Haha i doubt it.

But due to general human decency..i think that approach to it is immoral. I promised myself to respect his wishes for me to promptly fuck off the second this all started, to stray from interracting with the media he produced and i'd even go as far as to stay from engaging with who he engaged with.

I respected the man for a long time, stayed away, thats good, i can pat myself on the back for that.

But i dont respect him anymore. I've seen claims this is all a smear campaign. Im not going to pick sides. The well of well wishes has dried up for me long ago.

Im trying to process everything, im trying to hold myself accountable for my past actions, i was a teenager now im a adult, but im also beginning to see the underbelly of the situation.

I think i deserve to be sour about the ordeal, its been long enough, and as people have said, Kaz is a bad person.

Maybe im being one sided. Maybe im being self serving in talking about it like that. Maybe people from the past with reemerge and remind me of my wrong doings.

But i'd like to make peace with it. There is a desire to return to EPTG and Plainview though..i think its been abandoned by everyone and noone cares anymore. But i do. I want to reread both, because i still love those stories, what they had to say, the characters within.

But i'd have to get his Good Graces in order to do that. I'd have to ask someone to let me speak to the man himself.

Thats not a favorable solution. Especially with the general perception that he is Bad.

Well atleast you still have people who love you, Diego. Someone to rally for you and advocate for you at your worst.

You, Gyro, have your new friends to worry about, pedophiles, zoophiles, "incest sexuals", yourself and Mallory. You disgusting, abhorrent bunch. You atleast have yourselves, in your endless digging of your own pit of despair. You will never crawl out. You will never be normal again. You chose a twisted perversion, you chose illegal porn over your friends. But you still have friends to call your own.

I hope you both can appreciate that.

[aquato-family-circus]

just found out jack black supports autism speaks. cant have shit in detroit

yeeeaaah it wasn’t something I was going to bring up on my side blog unprompted, but it is true that he’s been affiliated with the organization as recently as 2018. It’s something I only learned a few days ago and to say it’s a major disappointment is a massive understatement, and I’m sure an even worse blow to any autistic fans of his work.

For those unaware, Autism Speaks is a charity organization heavily criticized by the autistic community for the genuinely harmful focus on a “cure” for autism (ie eugenics), the belief that autistic people are a burden to those around them, and overall ignoring/speaking over the voices of actually autistic people, among many other things. When you have the stomach for it be sure to do research on your own time, there are plenty of autistic people and autistic run organizations who can lay out the details of Autism Speaks’ core beliefs and issues.

As someone who’s not autistic myself, my input on how to feel about this particular situation can only go so far as to say

1) do not support this organization

2) hold those who do support it accountable (when it is safe & possible for you to do so)

3) don’t speak over the autistic people who stand to be most hurt by news like a beloved celebrity actively supporting a gross, damaging charity that targets them specifically

For anyone who learned about this through my post, I’m sorry I had to be the bearer of bad news. I’ve already lived through enough unique instances of “I discovered a celebrity/person I looked up to is shitty” by now to know that it’s going to hurt, but luckily it’s not going to be the end of the world. Talk about it with people you know & trust, take your time to process how you feel, and remember that the fact you didn’t know this information before doesn’t retroactively make you a bad person for enjoying Jack Black’s work.

Closing out this ask to say I probably won’t take more asks or messages about this particular subject, unless I feel like they’re providing important sources or context. I felt I should post this at least to acknowledge the issue and share what I already know. Thanks for understanding.

[withoutzeuzey]

I have a weird relationship with my art recently its annoying me sm. In the past i made a promise to myself not to delete any art i post because who cares if it looks bad or sth, it's my account and im still improving anyway. And i kept that promise for a long time. But lately i cant bring myself to post anywhere as frequently as before and whenever i post sth on a platform i delete it an hour or a day later. I've waited for summer to be able to draw freely but rn i need to get high motivation to be able to draw and the motivation doesnt last long. Sometimes start sketching and i hate it and just close the tab. Other times i start sketching and i like how it's going but then i have no idea how to color it. I feel like my art is too bland. I try different things, different ways to color, line, different brushes; i watch and try out tutorials, gather different references. But in the end they all feel too bland. Then im like fuck it, i dont need my art to be good, i can just doodle the characters i like but then i feel like im falling into the same loophole and ask myself when im going to improve. It's especially frustrating when i know what im supposed to do in theory but in practice nothing goes the way i want.

[inevitablestars]

for the character thingy, lily 👀

LILYYYYY big thoughts here!! zar i am so glad you asked

this ask game

starting with how i feel about her. i feel things so many things i love her so deeply so very deeply and i end up going insane about her a lot. there's just so much potential for tragedy without even taking into account the actual tragic fate of canon and that makes me insane. also just sibling. she's a younger sibling and not enough people explore her and petunia so i will take it upon myself to do just that !!!

people i ship lily with: (in no particular order and with more detail than necessary)

dorcas - dorlily will always be tragic to me idc if they are happy eventually it's always tragic

regulus - if i think too much about regulily i might explode :/ they are just like tragic again but also perfect in every way that makes no sense at all they don't intentionally fall in love ever it just happens by accident and then one day they're in love and no one saw it coming and just !!! also the younger sibling with a strained relationship with the older sibling thing .... why are more people not insane about that more people should be losing their minds with me

james - a classic! teenage love that's sweet and they just work. like james loves the way he loves and lily deserves that kind of love!! not as insane about these two but like they're always going to be good

mary - slowly have been falling out with marylily but i do still like them. even more fun if its unrequited on either end but great still as friends to lovers or just being sweet! when its requited there isn't as much angst which is usually what draws me to ships even more but like still fun

pandora - also not top of the list but still good! they're insane together and bring out the worst in each other (positive) and just very fun!

non romantic otp.... this is hard it really depends on the situation... bc like remus is right there and they deserve to be best friends and have an unspoken language together and be someone the other confides in. but then there is also platonic regulily which also drives me insane. and then lily and sirius are best friends you cannot tell me otherwise and the deserve that! like also back to siblings sirius and lily finding each other and helping to heal part of them with loving each other for the sibling that cant or won't and it's :( i love them

unpopular opinion on lily.... obvious answer is regulily but im not gonna talk about ships in this but im gonna go with idk if its unpopular but i feel like i dont see it that often but i feel like lily is kind of a bitch (again, positive) like if you take canon yeah she's a mom and thats the only trait she gets which is stupid. she's not soft at all unless you are one of her people and then she will adore you forever and ever and treat you like a princess but to anyone else especially anyone that is rude to her or her people she can and will kill them

one thing i wish would have happened to lily in canon - okay like i was just saying she should have more of a personality, but that aside and just considering a canon setting... she should have been the one to pick the secret keeper. like yeah all of them would have been in consideration including sirius and peter but lily would have been better at picking like clearly no one was thinking who are lily's friends that would be able to do this it was always just oh james! his best friend (also lily's bff but i digress) and then oh no not james' best friend let's go with his other friend! like cmon lily would have been smarter than to pick one of the three people closest to them that everyone knows is close to them :/ also she should have lived that would have been cool of her to also survive a killing curse

i um. i rambled quite a bit so i apologize for that... idk what happened :/

[amiru-shrubfeast]

My fridge is empty. My bank account, I just realized, as well. My bank is closed, so I cant get money from my savings account. My Grandma set it up on the day of my birth. Every month since then, it fills up bit by bit with money from my family. Money meant for a car, for a own apartment, for the start of my own future. Money that I need for food now. Money for dreams for food that i cant get today. i dont have the energy to make food anyway. Theres so many things i have to do at my mothers home that is my home. Shes at vacation so im all on my own. theres dirty dishes in the sink. theres clean dishes in the dishwasher.

I dont have the energy to put them away.

Dirty clothes on the floor, clean ones in the dryer. I think I saw something crawl under a pile of smelly shirts. I cant look at them.

i smell and feel bad. i should shower, but i cant bring myself to it.

empty bottles around my desk. I cant bear to look at them. i have no overview over my spendings anymore. Looking at my bank account feels so bad. where does all my money go. theres so much shit. clothes, dishes, paperwork, bottles, trash, friends that want things from me, friends that dont want things from me.

I care for my friends. Why cant I show them? Why wont they let me show them? Why am I to fucking incompetent to show them?

I care for others. Why cant I care for myself?

im just tired. too tired for dishes, clothes, food, money, friends, bottles, bugs, hygiene, everything.

i feel like screaming but i just listen to music of others screaming.

my ears hurt, i turn the volume up

WHY CANT SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKINHG SHITHOLE

i cant fucking bare it anymore

[finnleyandsillys]

I really need to speak about a certain someone on this platform. Someone I regret calling friend and trying to find a just answer to why they did these things. I specifically want the people related or close to this person to DNI.

I'm going through something right now as of real life and this is something I feel I have to bring attention to know.

One of my Ex mutuals was online stalking and admitted it openly. The person they had done this too was an adult on the platform they had a platonic crush over of which they chased after this person and talked to them constantly. They're a minor. They got drunk and texted them. Made them uncomfortable and proceeded to lie about being other people and friends of themselves to talk to the person and apologize after multiple statements of wanting them to go away. They made multiple accounts to stalk the person but they were all blocked shortly after being made.

I don't think the victim of this would like to be known- nor the person who did these things. But they know who they are and I don't want people asking me why I chose to disconnect permanently from this person. I'm not calling them out… because honestly they call themselves out enough.

But with the stalking, lying, and manipulation, I cant see myself being friends. So if you are close to the person I am talking about please unfollow or block me, or might be and don't know who im talking please dm me to ask.

And too them :

If you feel like making shit about putting yourself down for something that was your fault- dont victimize yourself. You know what you did, you have to live with the consequences. It's a mental decision to do what you did.

Go to an asylum you sick monster.

[affame-pour-etre-mince]

I just turned 21 and I’m at one of my all time lowest points in my life. I sit here and think about the fact that I’ve had an ed account on here since i was 14. Seven years of my life. And nothing has changed. My life has been so stagnant that it doesn’t even feel like any time has passed since then.

I sit, day in and day out, doing the same things, feeling the same way. Nothing changes, and nothing gets better for me, and I’m left to wonder why i’m even still trying, when everything feels so meaningless and i get joy out of absolutely nothing.

And I have no escape, i know I can’t ever kill myself, because i feel a personal responsibility for the emotional wellbeing of my family, especially since almost all of my close relatives have expressed to me in some capacity that they rely on me for their emotional stability and I’m their only source of emotional support.

I have to play therapist to everyone, and take everyone elses mental breakdowns in stride, but no one even cares enough to talk to me about anything i like or have an interest in, much less any problems i have, to the point of being actively ignored in some cases. And if I have an off day? If I’m not happy and catering to everyone else’s emotions?? Unforgivable when it comes to me.

And now i don’t have any secrets, my sh is constantly used against me, with half the people making jokes out of it and the other half throwing it in my face every chance they get, rubbing in how lll never be normal, and the physical evidence will always be there to remind me. I have no coping mechanisms left that don’t just bring up more pain

Except for this. Ik thats why my ed is rlly coming back again. I can control nothing about my life whatsoever, but i can control what i eat, how i look. And its appealing to think about how if i cant be normal in any capacity, at least i can be thin and play at being normal. At least i can leave the house and be given the base level kindness that I’m not afforded now because i’m not skinny. At least I’ll have this single one thing going for me, even if I have nothing else.

[weirdo09]

i know that he’s always lying because my stepdad says that when he has an issues with me, he comes to me. he doesn’t, he goes n rats me out to my momma THEN comes to me. he loves having my momma handling me because she will traumatize me and just act like everything’s fuckin normal. she will treat me like less of a person because I FORGET but ofc he doesn’t understand that because he always leaves it to her. when i need somebody, they always leave. like prime example, he came to me talking about some crumbs, he really acts like those itty bitty crumbs makes me a slob or something. i can’t forget to do anything or just not do it right away LIKE A FUCKING DOG without getting scolded, i’m not a pet i’m not a butler i’m not a fucking caretaker so stop acting like i am

you literally love that my momma verbally abuses me when ya wanna escalate the situation by telling her. YOU MAKE EVERYTHING SUCH A BIG DEAL just to say that it isn’t when my momma already went and verbally abused me n made me cry but you did absolutely nothing. you just sit there or go to another room. don’t you dare say that i can always talk to you or that you love me because you don’t. if you did, you wouldn’t enable my mother TO BEAT ME UP when she found out on her own that i was queer and wanted to date a girl. you wouldn’t enable her to yell at me loud as can be when i don’t do something the first time but you do, you do.

don’t say that you love me and can protect me WHEN YOU CANT EVEN PROTECT ME FROM MY OWN MOTHER she’s hurt me so many times and you know what she does to me because you always say that she’s gonna be aggressive with whatever she does. SHE DOES IT BECAUSE YOU TELL HER SOMETHING AND SHE MAKES IT A BIG DEAL you love that she does that because you don’t actually love me, you just don’t. you were never a father figure to me because you can’t even act like a father to your own children.

you enable the woman in your life that you chose to be with to treat me like shit just because and you let her and expect me to just accept it because she’s my momma. no, no you just hate me being happy and not being your little dog and servant/maid. that’s all, y’all never fucking loved me and it shows. someone who loves you would never just sit there and let you be in pain, suffer alone just to say “i love you but you need to do better.” you act like that’s normal, like my momma’s supposed to beat on me n taking things away because that’s holding me accountable? (her words, not mine) no, holding me accountable would be like telling me what i’m accountable for and helping me register that and move on from it.

all y’all did was traumatize me and make me relive that every goddamn day whether you realize it or not. you don’t want me to have my own life because i’m nothing to you, i’m literally nothing but you only like me because i clean for you, i have to obey your every word and if i don’t do something the first time, my momma has to come in and yell at me because you can’t. you’re literally her enabler, if i told someone have the shit you did, y’all would be in jail and i’d be foster care. but i ain’t gonna do that because my momma made me so nice that i would actually feel a bit sad if i did ever tell someone and the chain events happened.

just know that you’re a part of my trauma, you’re a part of the reason i can’t speak any kind of way without expecting a hit, you’re the reason i can’t even be fully happy because what if the one i love the most in the whole wide world actually sees just how messed up i am and leaves me? you’re the reason i can’t bring myself to trust men older than me, you’re the reason i close my door at night, you’re the reason i’d lock it some nights (can’t now but i feel like he did something) you’re the reason i might lose the one person i care about all because you’re mad about some crumbs i left on the counter and decided to talk to my abuser about it who may or may not take my phone and beat me just because.

good job, replacement …..

[2hiit]

[ hi, dashboard. the situation i am about to bring up i thought had come to its conclusion when i blocked sunnie on jan 2nd. i have been avoiding bringing it to the dashboard for a few reasons, the main one being it was definitely an interpersonal conflict that had no business being brought to public view, and the other being that despite everything, i still cared for sunnie and my end goal was never to ruin xer reputation. however, it was recently brought to my attention by a third party that sunnie has made some very harmful claims about me, and in order to defend my own reputation, i can't continue to pretend the situation doesn't exist. ] [EDIT: i have updated the pronouns in this post now that i am no longer trying to conceal sunnie's identity, and now that i have confirmed with xem what xer pronouns are]

[EDIT 2: stan is now going by the name linus. i have adjusted his name in this post to reflect that.]

on January 2nd, i exited a toxic friendship for the sake of my own mental health. i wont claim that this friendship was toxic in its entirety, as it had been going for 2+ years, just that it became such in the final month or so that i was in it. despite this, i cannot stop myself from hoping sunnie will get the help xe needs, so without getting into too many details as to preserve xer online reputation, here is all you need to know:

i have blocked sunnie on every single blog that i know xe has. i have blocked xem on discord. outside of this one ask that xe sent me on anon:

i have not spoken to xem at all since i blocked xem. xe, however, has spoken to me, by editing xer final messages on discord to try and continue a conversation i closed, by updating xer discord status to an account xe abandoned with messages specifically tailored to me, by sending me this anon, and so on (receipts of these claims available upon request).

i have been doing my best to ignore all of these things, and to just continue existing in my online space, because for the most part, it is separate from xers. but last night i was made aware that xe had made a new hub blog, and on that new blog xe listed me on xer dni. no big deal, i wont fault someone for not wanting to interact with me, but then xe goes on to accuse me of the following:

i wont get into the paragraph about linus, because i wasnt there at the time the initial events occurred ten years ago, and cant speak on them personally, but i have left his section in, and will be linking his callout post for context.

what i can speak on, is my paragraph. firstly, sunnie has chosen to reveal my actual first name, information xe only came into by being a close friend of mine for nearly 3 years, and my location, by tracking who is viewing xer blog. of course i'm viewing it. xe is lying about me. furthermore, i intentionally do not reveal my first name or location online because of past issue with a stalker who has threatened mine and my wife's lives, knowledge that sunnie was privvy to, so i am. extremely unhappy that xe has chosen to do this, and i implore xem to adjust those things, because i should not have completely redo my online identity just to protect myself from a problem that should have been solved. [EDIT: this has been removed and apologized for, however sunnie refuses to acknowledge this as doxxing.]

moving on, i do live with linus. i have lived with linus since april of 2022. before linus ever crossed my doorstep, i warned sunnie that he would be living here, explained that it was a matter of preventing homelessness for both linus and i, and that i would not be able to voice call as much because i was concerned about subjecting xem to linus' presence. i have receipts of this interaction available on request.

when we did start voice calling again, i did so in my bedroom with my door shut, and did my best to mute every time i needed to pass through communal living space, or when linus was present. on the off chance linus opened my door and spoke to me without me realizing, i muted as quickly as possible, and apologized for exposing sunnie to linus. there is a third party who witnessed this on multiple occasions, but i wont be dragging them into this. what i do have is receipts, which are, again, available upon request. i did not speak highly of linus to sunnie, i was aware of xer and linus' history and was very careful not to let the two of them cross paths. at most, i may have said i was glad to have someone else paying bills, because my finances were not in the greatest shape at the time.

when linus posted his callout, i did play buffer. however, once everything was said and done, i explained and apologized for how i handled that role, and was absolved of my involvement by sunnie. i have receipts of this interaction also available on request.

regarding my history of transphobia. i would love to see those receipts. i am a transman, i have been out as a transman for nearly a decade. i know that transpeople are capable of transphobia, and that those facts do not necessarily mean anything, but they are facts nonetheless. i have receipts of checking what names and pronouns were okay for me to use to refer to sunnie, even when we were directly post argument. i have asked my trans friends if they knew of any times i have been transphobic and received only confusion in response. i am not saying this claim is not true, i am saying i have no recollection of doing the things i'm being accused of, and i would need to see receipts.

that being said. i recognize it is hypocritical for me to say that sunnie is making wild accusations about me with no proof, and then claiming i exited a toxic friendship with xem, also with no proof. i do have proof, however, i am just trying to lessen whatever backlash xe may experience as a result of this post. at the end of the day, this was purely about me trying defend myself, not about trying to take sunnie down with me.

thank you for your time. dm me or message me on discord if you have any further questions, as i will not be addressing this matter any further publicly unless i have no other choice.

[swaggypsyduck]

Yall I’m new to stanning football. I came here straight from the world cup and I’m not gonna lie this shit is beating my ass. Is it always in the mud like this? I chose psg because that seems like the best option because they got messi, neymar, and mbappe who are literally the three players that caught my attention during the tournament! Yall I really thought this was going to be fun. 😭 What’s going on? Why does everything feel so confused and chaotic (not in a good energetic way, more like headless chicken running kind of way) but also weirdly sluggish and slow? Yall I don’t understandddddddd. It’s like the team has four different personalities all at once? It’s so… unpleasing to watch yall it was not like this during the world cup. 😭

I hope they get better. But I’ve been reading the psg girlies on tumble and … it seems like nobody has hope it’s going to get better? I mean surely it will? Right? I feel like everybody has given up on the season and I’m scared. 😭 I hope Kylian feels better soon. I was thinking maybe we can do trades with other teams but apparently business hours is already closed and will next open in the summer? The fuck? But we dont got anyone? And almost everyone is dropping like flies? What happens if the big guy on the fishnet gets a flue or just gets sick in general? We just dont get anyone?

Also the coach looks like he should be in a martin scorsese film with robert de niro and joe pesci. The fuck is he doing on the pitch tho?

We need to bounce back QUICK! We need positive vibes! Energy! We need God to be honest but I feel like I’ve spent all my credit with him praying for Messi to win the world cup. My account with God is all maxed out. Yall. I cant sleep until I figure this shit out. Somebody do something!

Do we have a secret weapon? Like what is the plan here? What is plan b? Oh my goddddd. This parasocial relationship is with these players really do beating my ass. I’m out here worried for them!

hi anon! wow this is a doozy. ill try to break down my response but idk if it'll do ur rant justice LOL

1) Welcome newcomer! as u may have seen in the world cup, if there's one thing someone should tell u before u enter the football world is that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is guaranteed. you could have the strongest defense, the best goalie, gamemaster midfielders, and strikers w amazing finishes and you'll still lose to an underdog team who has better teamwork and chemistry. or just one player decides "uk what? imma earn my paycheck today" and demolishes the other team.

2) psg is a joke. ill tell u right now. lose any and all expectations. we clown on them bc even if they played shit before but at least they were winning. now they're playing shit and LOSING! and thats the problem we have. the 4 personalities at once thing is absolutely correct. you have 3 well seasoned forwards who are used to being the "it" strikers of their team. on top of that we have NO MIDFIELD AND A SHIT MANAGER WHO CANT GET A TACTIC OUT OF HIS ASS EVEN IF I SHOVED IT IN THERE MYSELF!!!... sorry i lost it a bit there lol.

3) as yes transfer window closing. see that's also Galtier and that fuckin toad incharge of players who DIDN'T MAKE A TRANSFER UNTIL LAST MINUTE AND LET CHELSEA FUCK THEM OVER. and sorry to burst ur bubble but there's a chance key players might leave/retire by that summer so lets hope they promise them to bring in an actual proper midfield by then.

4) So another thing to consider if one of the reasons u chose psg was for messi... i wouldnt. This isn't his club. this is his retirement club. ramos too actually. they've finished their careers. they actually have absolutely nothing to lose LOL. messi's heart will always be in barcelona. as in he literally knows nothing else except barça

5) injuries suck. but they are a part of the game. if u play any contact sport u know the feeling. even non-contcact sports there r still big injuries. everyone is hoping kylian gets better soon. he needs all the rest he can get 🤲🏼.

6) Our secret weapon? BHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! prayers i guess. nah im kidding. but there really isn't any secret weapon unless u count galtier deciding to pick up a tactic book? or leaving and getting replaced by pep or zidane. to use ur weapon analogy we have a dented shield that still works (defense) and a bunch of bullets (forwards) but no gun (midfield) to load them.

7) ik u were joking about that last part but the parasocial relationship?? do ur absolute best to minimize it. like as someone who's been watching the beautiful game since i was a kid its okay and fun to joke about it and worry/send love to ur faves but u have to remember: those are grown ass men getting payed hundreds of millions to kick a ball around while those in their cities that pay to watch them are in heating/housing crisis. so when we eat the rich ill be cutting them up w tears uk?

hope this helped LOL.

[perpetual-dread-machine]

Big vent post, i dont have the brainpower to CW it

The sorrows of having pain on your shoulders that you cannot hold any longer. The type of pains you take to the grave. To have a single place you can untangle the long chain of pain is something most dont get the oppertunity to have.

I lost all hope in humanity sometime late last year, and have been trying to find a reason- any reason, to stay alive. i didnt eat if i wasnt at work, and i didnt sleep if it wasnt on my commute. I plunged myself into work when i lost a reason to live and all i have left of it is burnout, an empty bank account and a nic problem- my natural thought being if i couldnt die now id be fine taking years off my life for temporary solace.

I don't know why i cannot find peace in this life. Im beyond poor, have so few social skills i dont know how to meet other girls who'd be willing to put up with my shit long enough for me to befriend them let alone date, and often feel like a sore thumb when people who want to have me around bring me around people who live such wildly different lives.

Ive been off pain pills for close to 2 years now and my pain only gets worse with time, but i know how badly they ruin your life. Can't say much about smoking either beyond that.

Ive been overmedicated by quack doctors who throw more and more antidepressants at me when they only make it worse- and when i tell them what i needed i got a hand wave and an upping of dosage of mood stabilizers, cant afford medical treatment, cant find a job with consistent hours to feed myself, cant get financial assistance with housing or electricity because im already so broke the place wasnt up to code when i moved in- under the table shit, and got fucked up by a carbon monoxide leak.

It feels like an endless cycle, that if emotional pain wasnt enough in this world that my chronic pain makes it so i cant get a better job than the 8 hours every other week. So what do you do when facing that? The future is bleak enough im actually starting to worry if im going to make it.

I've lost my original will to live ages ago. Im praying i can find something to keep me here. Because even if its the tar of a cigarette, ill take that over the whirling dark of oblivion.

Maybe thats the addiction talking, maybe thats the truth. Im scared to face this world alone, but anybody who wants to get close i just push away. Its easier to push them away.

Its easier to push myself, away.

I dont want to be alive, and im scared.

This is the deepest darkness ive felt consume me in years.

Where do i find passion in my life again? It feels like everything will be a repeat of my past failures. And im doomed to end up in an abusive relationship like my dad.

Maybe if i just stayed with him and put uo with all his asanine shit id be in new york right now. A cozy apartment, obscene rent, rain on the window, lights illuminating the sky. Maybe we'd be happy now.

Probobly not. Id probobly have moved to new york then he'd have found a prettier tranny to top him before dropping me to the curb thousands of miles from home

Instead im here, in a world which i am in no way part of. Dragged along to experience the joys of friends, left feeling pointless and like extra baggage at every moment.

Maybe one day ill learn to accept that people care about me.

But why would they, i dont care about me.

Id be lying if i said starving myself felt bad. I like looking thin. I feel like im going to throw up all the time, food makes me actively repulsed, im weak and have no energy. Its totally worth it... Right?

This is why i fucking hated brat summer. Like every other good corperate faggot i got swept up in it, but something snapped in me.

Party every day when im bumpin that.

Like a bizzare and fucked up wet dream for anybody focused on nothing but vapid appearance based worth. But thats the nature of clubs right?

Maybe i am hot, i had old gay men buy me drinks and another weird queer fuck in my room at my house.

Maybe i am a piece of shit- free booze and guilt free sex with a loser who may have started stalking me, but its better than being alone. Right?

Is it better than being alone?

[theastromind]

ur cool to chat with!

I was thinking its such a recent issue among general internet spaces, I mean on one hand theres people fully deluded thatll maybe overdefend but on another hand theres people waiting for an idols downfall at the same exact time. I do think for instance yoongis dui was obvi a legit crime but ppl now using it to degrade all the things he has done for bts / kpop in general and asking him to leave the group despite being their main producer, then theres ppl that really do seem to only focus on either major flaws of idols like ones who overperform or underperform, what weight an idol is or isnt (changbin lately seems the main culprit as well as jeongyeon of twice) its like they cant win these days. I do blame beauty standards as well cause so much is abt the look of an idol than what they bring and it makes them seem like robots really.

visuals is a useless position for anyone in a kpop group cause it says ehh they aint got a particular talent or part in their group lets just say theyre the face of it then? like its so old fashioned / stuck up. I dont know if its only kpop but in general pop groups are treated like dolls or an object. I do think idols dont mind people doing readings on them cause its like an outlet away from those that are hard core stans but i dont think it has to always be abt whats on the outside of a person or who their fs could be.

I also think an aspect is that either its less about actually enjoying what idols do and release and more about who can be the next target of a witch hunt. its just got so childish over recent years and I try to separate the groups I love from the broken af system theyre in but to no avail its like another week another excessive piece of non issue drama is generated.

I always think balance is the key to a lot of things in life, and that includes being a fan of someone. people need to realise that idols can make mistakes, but thats all it is, a mistake. they don't need to tear his whole career down because he made one mistake. I also kind of hate how the kpop industry puts way too much pressure on visuals, and how it can sometimes seem to be more important than the work that they do. I do think they have a lot to learn from western culture in that regard with the entertainment industry.

I honestly try and distance myself away from as much kpop drama as possible. In 2020 I became a fan of nct as I really liked yuta, and I had a yuta twitter account with about 4k followers. almost every day there was always something new in the way of drama and it would usually be within the nct fandom, which I found was the most weird thing about it. everyone had a solo stan account (before I was a multi carat account, and I still love svt) so it was weird to see people having an account for only one person in the group. some fans of the other members would turn on other members of the group and say '___ doesn't deserve to be in nct' and I was like ???? they're in the same group and you're just hating on that member because they're not your favourite? it was just wild to me. I got so overwhelmed with how much drama there was and got such bad anxiety I had to close my account. I now just have a personal and follow a few kpop accounts that post mainly photos etc. I feel like a lot of people need to maybe do the same, bc my mental health really suffered that year