#I just don’t have it in me to tolerate this anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

reiashiftsrealities · 13 hours

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okay please do excuse me for asking this but i remember vaguely you mentioning getting... shot. in one of your drs that is.

what exactly did that feel like? did you script that your pain tolerance was higher?

again, feel free to completely ignore this question, since i can imagine that must have been a traumatic experience. i was just curious.

nono don’t worry! i’ve got this question a couple times and i’m perfectly fine answering :)

TW: blood, near death experience, details of wounds, etc etc

so yes, about 2 years ago in my fame dr i was shot twice from behind, right near the bottom edge of my ribcage. one of the bullets penetrated my lung.

honestly, the only way i can describe how it felt in the moment was unsettlingly calm.

i didn’t really feel the bullets impact, most likely because of the instant adrenaline rush that it brought on. i heard the shots however, and that was my first indicator that something wasn’t right. i only noticed that i had actually been shot because i started coughing up blood (about 10-15 seconds after). that’s when the pain set in. and to answer your question; in this reality, my pain tolerance is high so i didn’t specifically script it to be different.

i’m not really sure what to compare the pain to. in fact the whole situation is kind of fuzzy because i lost consciousness several times, but i think what hurt the most was the feeling of my lungs filling with blood. the only way i can describe that was it felt like i was being burned alive from the inside out. i wanted to breathe but i couldn’t. the actual gunshot wound felt like a really large paper cut almost (but 4x worse) but i was more focused on the pain from not being able to breathe.

but when it comes to dying, in my experience there got to a point where i wasn’t really scared anymore. it kind of just…stopped hurting? the survival instincts subsided and it got calm. and then i woke up in emergency room with like 292937473272 doctors around me. so, yeah! fun times amirite 🤓☝️

in all seriousness it was a very eye-opening experience for me. thank you for asking this question, and for asking it so respectfully! i hope your day/night has been amazing :)

#reia’s asks!!!#reia’s Q&A week <3 #reality shifting #shiftblr #shifting #shifting realities #fame dr #desired reality #shifting community #reality shift #shifters

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queer-ragnelle · 2 years

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The incandescent rage I feel for the American healthcare system cannot be overstated.

#fucking seething #made me road rage a little I was so fucking done #it’s easier to diagnose your dog than yourself #which I’m not complaining there I love my dogs’ vets #wish they would take me on as a patient lol #but for real I just don’t understand why it has to be so difficult #not a day goes by I don’t think about Mary Robinette Kowal’s Twitter thread #about getting a breast exam start to finish from finding lump to diagnosis in like 2 hours for $10 #in another country of course #I just don’t have it in me to tolerate this anymore #it gets in the way of everything the anxiety the pain the frustration #I just wanna write……

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the-cookie-of-doom · 4 months

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It’s super fun realizing no one is ever excited to see you the way you are to see them. That even if they’re nice and tolerate your presence, you’re no one’s best friend, if you’re even a friend at all.

#cookie speaks #not a new realization #I just get occasionally reminded #that no one misses me when I’m not around #I miss having a best friend #I miss knowing that someone looked forward to seeing me #except even then she had other better friends she wanted to see more #I’m steady and reliable #I let people treat me however they want as long as they give me a little bit of attention #I don’t excite anyone #I’m not included in plans unless I’m the one making them #no one ever asks me first #no one misses me no one likes me no one thinks of me #I’m lucky to be tolerated #even luckier to be included #sometimes #if they remember #if I ask #I don’t ask anymore #I’d rather be alone than have to beg for every second of companionship #but being alone fuckijg sucks when you’re surrounded by reminders of how loved everyone else is #not even my family wants me around #I’m abrasive and irritating better off far away from anyone else #so they won’t be bothered

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larry-hiatus · 3 months

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#I’m so tired of being the way that I am dude #I’m sensitive and fragile and emotional about fucking everything #I’ve been pulling away from my friends the past few months so that they don’t have to deal with it #but now it’s just being put on my online friends #and I hate it so much #I don’t know how to change #I don’t know how to not get upset over so much #sometimes I feel like I’ve come far and other times I feel like I haven’t made any progress at all #it’s so frustrating because it makes me so paranoid #do people dislike me because of this? are they talking about me? am I just a burden that people tolerate?#I just want to be fucking normal lol and I don’t know how #I’m too autistic and just a huge baby about everything all the time #I’m so stressed and overwhelmed about so much lately #but I can’t just keep using that as an excuse #do people just roll their eyes when I apologize because they’re tired of it and know it will happen again?#I want to just hide away #so that people don’t have to deal with me #and it sucks because I’m not saying all this to be like woe is me please feel sorry for me please reassure me #I’m just getting my feelings out #now is a great time for my schedule to be changing to not allow for regular therapy lol #idk man #I don’t know what I’m doing anymore

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kavehater · 6 days

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Okay after two years of torturing you all with my dumb k*veh rambling at least fifty times a day I’m gonna retire 😼🤞

#time to touch grass even though I’m kind of allergic apparently #broke out into hives once #and I got a plant infection that needed surgery to remove that they thought was cancer once too #anyways point being sorry and thx for tolerating whatever dumb thing I said about him time to bury it now 🧎‍♀️#kinda jealous cause that should be ME ! 😾#the real question is what to do with this blog uhm #I’ll just keep it cause I admire it for the aesthetics I don’t have to like him to have him on my blog I mean I’m kinda not as obsessed with #scara son anymore I MEAN I ARORE HIM BUT NOT AS MUCH AS THE PAST HES STILL MY BABY THO FR !#but he’s still my theme so !!! it’s okay #so dramatic for no reason tho omg ? anyways #dora daily

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im-still-watching-anime · 11 months

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turns out i am NOT immune to mob mentality because i keep seeing people order stuff on our menu and convincing myself i would like it because! look how popular it is!! it HAS to be good! and then it simply is not no matter how many times i try it

#working food service is a TRIP #there are NINE combinations to this thing #and i have tried four so far with NO success #it’s got like a coconut milk option which i thought i really liked for like two seconds which was bizarre #but i have decided that actually it is Also bad #so in conclusion there’s like one tolerable thing on our menu is what ive found #though to be fair im vegetarian so like maybe the sandwiches are good??#i doubt it though considering the amount of grease i pour out of our meat containers every day makes me want to pass out #just wanted to share that i have once again been disappointed😔#customers keep asking me for recommendations and it’s like girl go somewhere else this place sucks :/#i hear the coffee is legitimately good but i don’t trust anyone anymore after failure number four today #and i don’t like coffee so i can’t even cast judgement on it😔#life junk #not anime

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ladykyrin · 30 days

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I am so fucking lonely

#I hardly have any friends at all #mostly just a handful of people who tolerate me #and the couple of friends I do have barely communicate with me anymore #sometimes they take a couple of days to answer messages or only send a message or two in a day #and I feel so shitty any demanding but that doesn’t allow for actual conversations at all #I want to actually discuss things in depth #but I don’t get many opportunities for that #I feel like such an awful person for wanting more from the people in my life #I know communicating can be hard and tiring #I’m just so fucking lonely and my depression keeps deepening because of it

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coccolithophore · 9 months

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i’ve been in charge of managing my entire family’s emotional well-being since i was 9 years old and no matter how much i voice this they always fall back on me to make sure everyone is okay even when i have openly voiced that i’m not in the right emotional state to provide support and i’m getting so tired of it i’m ready to run away into the woods lol

#kiwi.txt #and like i’m not tolerating it well because i’m falling into seasonal depression #but that just begs the question why are they still asking me to do things when i have explicitly voiced this #it’s ok for me to react poorly to them bulldozing my boundaries every day #and the problem is that i actually love my family and want to have a good relationship with them #but i’m having more trouble tolerating being their emotional punching bags as i get older and more self respecting lol #ok sorry i don’t vent on tumblr that much anymore but jesus

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salsflore · 1 year

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ummmm

#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~#my favorite image on this device btw ^#cw negative #cw vent #you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than-#-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so #but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but #my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i-#-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something-#-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because-#-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles-#-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all #i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me #i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years-#-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and-#-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great-#-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do?#how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time?#i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though #so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun-#-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!!#how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol #everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit #i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden

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pepprs · 1 year

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i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today

#but i got my p*riod and cotaught on tuesday and broke up w my counselor on monday and a few days before that redacted redacted so im ph #physically and emotionally exhausted but we have this program tonight until 7 and then 2 trainings tomorrow andi have like 2 meetings inbetw #between those. and i just want to sleep and/or lie down w a heating pad bc my cramps have been brutal this time around. literally could #barely get work done on tuesday bc i was in AGONY and forgot my heating pad and no one could bring it to me from home but it s like i have n #nowhere on campus to lie down or get checked out or anything bc im not a student anymore so i need to just writhe at my desk (<- i have one #of those now finally btw 🥹💗) and jusf hope i don’t pass out. and i didn’t but it was so bad and im not recovered from it yet. idk.#everything is so much. there are some intense and in some cases horrible things happening. iwwish we had time to pause and process them and #that we weren’t so tired and stretched all the time. i wish we didn’t have all these pressures to worry about. i wish we could just have #time to love each other and check in truly and to support each other bc we are friends before we are colleagues methinks and i jsut want us #to be ok and happy and rested and healthy. idk. augh #delete later #purrs #also i think i am not normal when it comes to cramps btw. i think maybe it might not be normal to be in this much pain. or maybe im just #weak or have a low pain tolerance but i feel like it’s a lot worse than it used to be + i get cramps at Other times too and it’s ummmm bad.#ask to tag #like how absolutely insane that this is a huge part of my life and i feel like i can’t even talk abt it and it’s so embarrassing but it #literaly is like.. every other week im scared that im gonna be unable to function bc of pain but i literally say nothing at all and just smi #smile and pretend im fine and barely talk abt it. i don’t think that’s good or normal. and i think ppl should talk abt p*ripds more so it’s #not as weird or bad or gross or cringe whatever to talk abt being in pain and to accommodate urself or whatever despite other ppl knowing #abt it. cringeeeee augh i don’t want to be one of Those people but like. it’s bad and i fucking hate it

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buck-yyyy · 1 year

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me 🤝 explaining the entirety of byler/ST tumblr lore to my girlfriend

#i’m lucky she loves me because Oh My God #‘okay and THEN there was this thing with vibrantwaters where they posted a picture of zoomed in sand and then the same day noah schnapp #posted a video of the sand dunes in peru where he was—‘#‘so there was this thing called sock anon and then one of my mutuals married sock anon but they’re not online anymore’#‘okay so yk scott clarke? and yk henry creel? well get this-‘#‘and that’s when we all thought they put cgi hearts in their eyes’#‘and don’t even get me started on all the confessional accounts’#‘oh and back in june someone made an advent calendar for all the byler crumbs we got each day’#‘and THEN there’s this thing called hose gate which you’re gonna want to sit down for this one’#i love her so much #i have her blocked but just for the record- ily and thank you for tolerating my bullshit #<3 #anyways #byler tumblr

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placeinthisworld · 1 year

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#over sharing/ confessional / rant incoming!!!!#besties I am having!!! bad bad feelings like bad feelings lately and….ts said it herself you know when it’s time to go!!!#also tolerate it has been EXCEPTIONALLY all too personal at this point it kinda makes me sick #like I ….don’t know what to do bc I never wanted to be in this position I am even in it just happened….#and everything during COVID happened so fast and I don’t even recognize that person version of myself anymore and I don’t want to be her #I miss pre COVID me and going out (…and being single I wasn’t even single long enough in my young adulthood!!!!! fuck!!!) COVID changed me #(badly!?!)#I am feel all sorts of stuck which is why I feel like I’m taking the ts aw breakup a little too personally too like ouchie am I looking #at my own future but with less success and $$ obviously like!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not happy and idk how to talk #about it!???!!!!!! fuck!!!#familiarity breeds contempt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyways….gonna try to sleep here tonight and not be angry but once again it’s difficult

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coldvampire · 1 year

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trying soo hard to be normal and Good At Conversation this time

#i will make at lease One irl friend to hang out with regularly !!!#dont get me wrong taking time off work to do school was a great decision but like. i dont rly talk to anyone anymore #save for the two days per week i have class :/#and it sucks idk.#i havent had a Best Friend TM that i actually get to see more than once every 12 months in years #& im also struggling to control how i usually put more importance onto other people than they do me #like this week in particular im rly feeling the whole experience of labelling someone as a really good friend only to find out that i am #at Best just a pleasant acquaintance #which is fine yk not every relationship has to be something super deep #but still. sucks when it keeps happening.#like id rather the reaction to me almost just be actual disgust bc then thats pretty unambiguous #no room to get hopes up or create a narrative.#anyway i usually go with the strategy of just talking to someone like we're already friends bc ive heard thats the most effective #/least awkward way to get to know people. & im also only focusing on a couple people at a time so i dont get overwhelmed #bc last time I just. yeah it wasn’t the best moment #struggling in general with people and just pacing out of much of Myself is a tolerable dosage #recently I just feel like I’ve green falling onto the ‘over eager and annoying’ cycle :/#been*#I don’t want to be a Chore I guess.#I keep thinking about how nice it would be to not feel that way #like maybe I’m not the most exciting person ever and it takes me a minute to get used to someone but :/ idk I think I’m good company #(god knows I spend enough time around just myself lmao)#usually I can tell when I’m feeling like this again bc I start spending more money on hobbies and Stuff #just to fill time/give myself something to look forward to #but I can’t really do that rn lmao/don’t want to #I’m not rich I can’t just have retail therapy every time I start to feel lonely :/#it’d be nice lmao but no not practical #man I just want to talk to people. have conversations. feel like people are actually Happy that I’m talking to them.#that’s it that’s all #they say never trust your brain after 9pm but what if you’ve been sitting with it for weeks?

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ffive-by-fivee · 1 year

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Chronic pain girlies rise 😚✌🏻

#if I’m supposed to sleep so my body can heal but then I can’t sleep bc of the pain what am I supposed to do?#listen my pain tolerance is scarily high but I’m so tired of not being able to sneeze or laugh without something hurting #I don’t want to have a physical form anymore #I just want my conscience to float around in space #all having a body does is bring me discomfort and medical bills #all I’m asking for is ONE good night of sleep 🙏🏼

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faithinlouisfuture · 2 years

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Hi I just followed you. Is your blog a safe space for larries?

You sent me this yday so you’re probably already soft blocked by now 🫣 but I thought I’d answer any way. The simple answer is no. It wasn’t like that, but recent events have made it that way. Protecting my mental health is my priority.

#anon #tolerated that bullshit up till it was just delusions and crack theories #but recent larrie actions have been downright invasive and disrespectful #and the fact that they’re unaware of how their disgusting actions impact not only Louis but also others in the fandom is not something I can #tolerate anymore #been cleaning my followers for the last few days actually #if you’re larrie and you follow me to rb louis content from me just follow the mindofwalls tag I always use that #there’s no other reason for you to be on my blog #you and I don’t agree on anything #and in my opinion larries will never be louies

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raamitsu-personal · 1 year

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*sigh* wanna confess a pretty upsetting event today. what hurts me the most is my mom’s :(

#she’s too kind for nothing… this is why i’ve always hated tolerance #people tend to take advantage against her kindness and made her almost cried - istg i hate humans #while i’ve used to it… i don’t backtracked. however in my mom’s case… she just can’t stop being nice regardless #she always remember even a small kindness from people and always try harder to repay them #but in the end… not all people care and i hate it so much.#me and my mom might have our unhealed or untreated wounds but we always hang onto each other #nonetheless i care about her wellbeing and am still do. that’s my responsibility as a daughter.#i am so fucking done and i fucking hate people who messes with her #i know she’s about to cry but even i wanted to cry too #gosh i wish i have a heart of stone and a spicy mouth #well i hope kifarah gets to them IDFC anymore #my mom can forgive but I CAN’T. and i don’t think the rest of my siblings would do forgive them too.#i can’t console her cuz we’re not used to hugging and crying on our shoulders that much… i know what u think anyway #mitsu + text #raamitsu-personal

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