#struggling in general with people and just pacing out of much of Myself is a tolerable dosage

[coldvampire]

trying soo hard to be normal and Good At Conversation this time

[psychoticallytrans]

So. Meditation.

I expect that a lot of you just cringed. Meditation is often presented as a cure-all, much like exercise is. And just like exercise, it's presented in a moralized way that fails to account for people who struggle to "just do it". In fact, in many ways it is worse- at least with exercise, you have sports, weightlifting, and running as classics that are widely known. With meditation, the only way generally spoken about is the "sit down and clear your mind" style. If there's only one way to do something, a large number of people are going to be completely unable to do it.

What meditation is supposed to do is to get you grounded in the present moment. It's supposed to help you tune back into yourself and the immediate world around you. Yes, I know that sounds like woo. Think of it as... an extended grounding exercise.

Here are some accommodations for various problems I've seen people have with it.

It puts you to sleep? Do it before bed and before naps.

Can't sit for an extended period of time? Take whatever position is comfortable. You also don't have to do it for long periods of time. Sometimes I set aside like five minutes to chill out and meditate to ground myself, and it has noticeable benefits for me.

Can't sit still? Walk. A park would be awesome, but just a room you can pace around works. If you really have to stay in one place, rock or sway. The key is that you want a rhythmic movement that you don't have to actively think about. I know at least one person who dances.

Distracted by the world around you? Focus on the input of one of your senses. Put all your processing power into hearing everything around you, or seeing everything, or feeling everything you can touch. The last one creates a great use for any fun rocks you have; you can roll them over in your hands and feel every part of them, and just experience the Texture. An advanced version of this is trying it with two senses.

Unable to clear your mind at all? Take your thoughts, start examining and untangling them. Then, organize them and figure out where they go in your mind. Why are you having this thought? Where should it be classified? I like thinking of the thoughts as books that need to be shelved correctly. This won't get rid of the thoughts, but it works as a form of meditation because you're thinking about the thoughts rather than just thinking them.

If you have another problem with meditation, please feel free to bring it up, and I'll see if there's anything I know that might help. It still won't be for everyone. Nothing is. But having more ways more widely known will expand the number of people who benefit.

[thephooka]

Happy Webcomic Day! My webcomic White Noise is a labor of love--according to Procreate, this page took me 15.5 hours to complete.* Here's a look into that process!

Some other notes:

The thumbnails are done on graph paper and I script while I do them--there is no separate written script for White Noise. I usually spent a couple hours on weekends as needed thumbnailing, sometimes at a coffee shop or at home listening to records.

I then set up the file in Photoshop, so I can lay in the text and use the template I have with bleeds already set up. The text is rasterized and I shuttle the file over to my iPad via Airdrop.

The bulk of the actual work is done in Procreate, which records timelapses that I sometimes share to my Patreon. I usually spend a couple hours most nights after my day job or on the bus commuting doing this.

Once everything art-wise is done, I shuttle the file back over to my desktop to re-set in the text, add a stroke around the speech bubbles (Procreate doesn't have that took fsr) and do the resizing/exporting for web.

On Sunday mornings I get up, queue the page and write the page descriptions. I don't spend any time on the page descriptions outside of that.

Also, this process goes for the whole first arc of White Noise. I'm done with that arc (which means you can binge the whole thing I'm js!!) and am experimenting with some different methods these days, but my workflow is still generally the same.

*Some more talk about the labor (and burnout) involved below the cut:

This particular page (and most of the pages I did in 2023) took a lot longer than normal because I was heading into a burnout period that I'm still lowkey in/recovering from. It's obvious to me now in retrospect watching the timelapse here and seeing how much noodling I'm doing and how much I'm struggling with the process, but at the time I was just very frustrated generally. When I'm not burned tf out pages take maybe 10 hours max.

2023 was a pretty stressful year--lots of big life changes, uncertainty, pet death, health issues--so it's no wonder it propelled me into burnout, but it just goes to show that even the slowest and steadiest pace is not sustainable forever. I've been doing one page a week following this general process for over a decade! And I stuck to that pace because I knew it was one I could maintain. But even so, by the end of this arc I found myself working more and more slowly, not really looking forward to the work, feeling anxious about being behind, unhappy with the finished work, and extremely annoyed with myself for not being able to give it my all right there at the finish line.

I did stop for a while after the epilogue and took a more or less complete break from drawing for about a month--the longest I have EVER gone without drawing, much less working on White Noise--which did help, but these days my ability to work is...inconsistent. I should probably take another total break, but I'm reluctant. What if my passion never comes back? What if people forget about WN? It's already pretty obscure, and with the general social media collapse, it's harder than ever to get people to read my work. Now that I've left Hiveworks, WN doesn't even get the benefit of being linked to other comics (although objectively very, very few readers actually got referred to my comic that way.) And frankly, I'm also just too proud to go too long without comic updates. I've always told myself, I might not be the best artist or the fastest worker or make a popular comic, but I'm consistent. Difficult to let that go.

This is all to say that webcomics are hard. We do them because we love them, we have stories to tell, we are seized with the human compulsion to create. We spend hours of our time, almost always on top of the paying work that allows us to eat, to make something that we then give away for free. It has consequences on us that the reader doesn't often see, no matter how careful we are about it. If you ask me, webcomics deserve to be valued more.

Happy Webcomic Day! Read webcomics!

[directdogman]

In my own writing I struggle with giving each character their own voice (speech patterns, phrases they use) and in Dialtown each character is super specific. Are there certain things you had to remember for each character, other than Oliver using his fucked up slang lmao.

When I write my characters, I can usually hear them in my head to some extent. Like, I can picture how it would feel to talk to them, or if I tuned out while one of my characters was chattering away about something, I can kinda hear the unintelligible static.

If you want me to write a lil essay pointing out differences in how the characters in the main cast are written, alright, I'll bite:

Verbal ticks help differentiate characters for me. We all know about Randy's stuttering, but there's more than just that in how the characters' sentence structures affect how we see their speech.

Karen's sentences tend to end in periods, if they aren't questions or if her voice isn't raised. Almost all of Randy's sentences, meanwhile, end with ellipses (…) or hyphens to indicate he trailed off/stuttered his way through the ending. Oliver does occasionally end sentences with ellipses or hyphens, but defaults to periods and often exclamation marks, as he's pretty excitable. This alone shows the difference in tone/confidence that the main 3 have without changing any words.

The characters all use slightly different terminology when they speak. Oliver's fucked up slang is only a part of it, he also uses theatrical language, often framing sentences creatively and in a way that absurdly beefs up the word count of his dialogue. He uses fairly atypical adjectives, surrealist language. He refers to himself in the third person sometimes. He uses imperfect tenses in order to make his sentences longer/less uniform. I'll give an example, from when Gingi asks Oliver if film reel movie projection is magic:

"I consider myself a sorcerer of FILTH, perhaps (an apt conjurer of muck/grime), but this artform isn't QUITE witchcraft NOR warlockery, I'm 'fraid."

Okay, putting aside the bizarre content of the sentence itself, one curious thing to note is that the whole sentence is full of words that don't convey any additional information. Conjurer is a synonym of sorcerer and he uses two synonyms for dirty AFTER already using filth. Guy loves theatrical language and will structure his sentence to make sentences much longer, so he can fit more of it in. But, then ends the sentence by taking a whole syllable away from the word 'afraid' and abbreviation it, like speaking with an accent. Oliver's sentence pacing is completely different to other people because of the volume of odd language he uses. In the context of the game, he's also drawing the player in by creating a pause, as the next line is:

"No, the actual "beaming" work comes from our dear old movie projector, and possibly my greatest love: Big Bertha!"

He likes Big Bertha and enjoys talking about her, and he tries to draw Gingi in and get Gingi invested in this thing by drawing out the introduction and forcing Gingi to wait for him to introduce Bertha in suspense. Randy volunteers info as if he thinks you're gonna hit him, unable to stand silence and hence, the sound of his own thoughts.

To contrast, Karen uses direct language, mainly. I wouldn't call her speech robotic, as most of the time she can retract language, she does (I am->I'm, I would->I'd, etc) but usually she uses direct tenses, and takes fewer words to say what she needs to compared to, say, Oliver. Generally, the words she uses tonally matches what she says. Weirder, less usual words come out when Karen is reacting to something she finds weird/illogical.

Norm's speech could be described as someone with a heavy accent who's well read, but is slightly insecure about being well-read. He uses words like 'y'all', 'ain't', 'reckon', retracts words like 'to' as 't'', but if you pay attention, he occasionally uses technical, academic language that doesn't match the aesthetics of the rest of his language. You can take the boy away from book learnin', but ya can't take the book learning outta the boy.

Billy is aggressive and generally, his language is designed to make the player feel bad in some way. Generally speaking, he's either insulting you, mocking your knowledge of the world, pointing out something you said as stupid, or is using words like 'lmayo'. Billy doesn't care much about the player, but is interested enough to talk to the player as a means to offend/demean them until you run out of things to say or leave, frustrated, which is Billy's goal. If you view what he says in this lens, you'll see this accurately describes how he speaks to you.

Billy uses surrealist language occasionally to seem more hellish and inhuman, but often, uses fewer words than other main characters. Subconsciously, it's to convey that Billy doesn't respect you enough to use more words. When Billy DOES use big words, it's exclusively on purpose and exclusively to subconsciously belittle Gingi, like when he refers to Gingi as a 'amphibian moron'.

God, similar to Billy, tends to use fewer words than most other characters. He often gives formulaic dialogue responses. There's no psychological play here, God just genuinely doesn't care how Gingi or anyone else sees him or if his tone/phrasing is improper because he knows how little respect people in Dialtown have for him anyway and embraces it.

Sometimes though, he does use uncommon synonyms for words, a byproduct of having lived so long through other times/eras. The references he makes are much the same. Fucker occasionally references ancient Greek figures and expects the references to land, as if everyone present somehow would've once somehow met these ancient fellows.

Mingus uses formal, impersonal language, and tends to use uncommon synonyms for words. The purpose of this is to subconsciously belittle the person she's speaking to and affirm her social class.

While she'll skirt past a commonly used word for a rare synonym in order to make her speech sound more dignified, she rarely leaves out pronouns in sentences. The reason for this is because most of her speech has an indignant tone. She's complaining about some shoddily done action or what she feels is a lack of service. So, the last thing she'd want to do is miss the opportunity to rant directly about her grievances in direct terms. Creative phrasing isn't used to replace pronouns but used to more elaborately phrase the error someone has committed to further emphasize her dismay. EG:

"You created the entire universe, and yet, the ability to perform a simple CARTWHEEL eludes you?"

Instead of saying "can", she says "the ability", instead of 'can't do', it's 'elude'. Hell, instead of 'do', it's 'perform'. But, both at the beginning and end of the sentence, she doesn't think to phrase the sentence in a way to avoid repeating the word 'you'. Like I said, the flourishes are just to drive the point home that she sees herself as above the person she's speaking to and to reaffirm how absurd she sees the limitations of others.

How Jerry talks is basically the conflict within a well educated but defeated man whose brain is decaying from years of substandard life. His speech, like his brain, is in conflict. His job dictates that he should always use terms of respect, like sir/ma'am, but he curses too. When he raises his voice, his sentences are often short and abrupt, but the words he uses tend to be elaborate and rarely used. Jerry is educated, has opinions on stuff. His mind is wasted at his job, and even through his defeated cynicism, you can subtly see that Jerry wants a better life through the words he uses.

Jerry's speech patterns are actually quite close to the narrator, and this is intentional, actually. The two characters share a few things in common that affect how they speak. Namely: Having to deal with Gingi's antics. There's almost a tired parental tone to both.

I could ramble for hours (please don't let me do this), but those are some examples of core character writing differences, namely in how I try to use language. Incorporating subtleties into the dialogue is good for separating characters and when you plan these out so that these placed differences are specific to traits that the characters have, your work'll feel more alive and be more satisfying to analyze later. Overthink. Overthink overthink overthink. It works, at least for me.

[prettyboybuckley]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @saybiwithme @bi-buckrights @zainclaw

How many works do you have on ao3?

160

What's your total ao3 word count?

1,070,239

What fandoms do you write for?

I've mostly written for 9-1-1, though I started off with Shameless (6 fics) and I have written some for Teen Wolf (5 fics). There's one 9-1-1 crossover with Schitt's Creek.

Top five fics by kudos:

parents always yelling (telling us to get our acts together)

i just want something to hold on to (and a little of that human touch)

I will come to you (even in my sleep)

open up again (i believe in second chances)

exes and the oh's

Do you respond to comments?

Always, even if it takes me months. I actually just caught up again (there's still a bunch to go, but right now the oldest is 17 days ago instead of 250 days...). It's just a rule I have for myself, and even with the backlog I've kept it up so far, so I'm not going to stop doing it now.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm not a big fan of angsty endings, I generally try to at least make it a hopeful ending or, in the case of the college au, use an epilogue to fix things.

But I guess sunny skies & summer highs qualifies as an angsty ending simply because of the cliffhanger (and yes, there is still going to be a continuation, I'm working on it 🙈).

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Choosing one out of 160 is really hard, but I think tell me, will you stay or will you run away is definitely one that deserves a mention here, because it already has a happy ending and then the epilogue just makes it even better 🥰

Do you get hate on fics?

Not commented on the fic itself, no. I've had some people talk shit about my fics on twitter, though, and not even vaguely but calling me by (user)name.

Do you write smut?

Is grass green? Yeah, I write smut 🤭 Thanks to two times kinktober, I have 95 explicit fics, by far the most used rating for my fics.

Craziest crossover:

let's have some fun tonight is my 9-1-1/Schitt's Creek crossover fic for 9-1-1 Rarepair Week, and my only crossover fic

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

My head over feet Buddie valentine's two-parter got posted as one chapter in Wattpad work with over 30 fics once. Filed a DMCA and Wattpad took it down within two hours.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Two of my fics have been translated into Russian afaik, one on ao3 and one on Ficbook

Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nope. It may be a nice challenge for the future? Not sure who I'd do it with.

All time favourite ship?

Gotta go for Buddie on that one, lol. Especially if you look at my writing history. But I often tend to hyperfixate on one ship at a time (current reading obsession is McDanno)

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Buck's POV of if love is art then you might be my masterpiece. I really want to, but at this point it's been two years since the original so I don't know if it'd be worth it either. (I know not everyone was happy about how I ended it, but I doubt any of them are still waiting for more). Writing a different POV of the same fic takes an amount of planning that my brain just really struggles with. And I could pick up where the last chapter (before the epilogue) picks up, but I think that way there would be some crucial information about Buck missing.

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told quite a lot of times that I am good at keeping characters, well, in character, even when putting them in partial or complete AU's. Of course, what is in character or not is subjective, but I do always challenge myself to work as much of the canon backstory and personality into who they are in the AU as possible.

And I like to think I'm pretty good at writing smut.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm terrible at pacing, which multiple of my long fics prove. It'll be drawn out first and then suddenly rushing. And being ESL I do struggle with things like sentence structure and grammar pretty regularly still.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

As long as there is some kind of translation provided somewhere I like it, but I'm not so quick to use it myself. Not beyond a few Spanish words here and there (generally pet names between Eddie and his family we've seen on the show or the occasional curse word when I feel it fits better than an English one, but I usually need to employ help from Spanish-speaking friends for those).

First fandom you wrote in?

Shameless! I binged that right before I started 9-1-1 and combined with the creative writing minor I was doing, it was actually what got me back into writing in general and what made me write my first ever fic.

Favorite fic you've written?

My in your arms i feel safe-series (which I always lovingly refer to as the ace kink fic) is definitely one of my favorites simply because of how personal it is to me and for the reason behind me writing it in the first place.

Other strong contenders are i would've loved you forever (it's never enough but i wanted it to be) and i'm begging you, come home to me (Teen Wolf, Thiam)

tagging @monsterrae1 @rogerzsteven @loserdiaz @watchyourbuck

[flightyalrighty]

What have been some of your big inspirations/points of education* with your comic work?

*could mean learning resources but also just, good advice you got once or improvements to your workflow you figured out

Thanks for this ask!! :]

I went to the School of Visual Arts, where I majored in Cartooning! A lot of what I learned, I learned from Indie Cartoonist Jason Little and DC/Marvel Editor Joey Cavalieri, both of whom taught multiple classes I've taken (mainly fundamental stuff but there were also some extra classes with them like Jason taught my Digital Comics course and Joey taught my History of Cartooning class). I learned how to draw trees from Jason. And from reading Pogo.

I've drawn a lot of inspiration in my storytelling from both Bone and Hellboy, mostly! Both Jeff Smith and Mike Mignola are masters of pacing in comics, and if you happen to be unfamiliar with their works, I can't recommend them enough. Besides those two, the rich, moody internal monologues of Spider-Man: Blue and Spider-Man: Evolve or Die are things I often think about when it comes to dialogue writing. That and (at least when it comes to writing Rouge's dialogue) my older sister. Just, like, in general. Pay attention to how the people around you speak. It helps a ton when figuring dialogue.

Hellboy is getting mentioned again because Mignola's heavy inks are something I like to look over in order to learn from and improve myself. Hellboy, Carl Barks's Donald Duck comics, Asterix & Obelix, Will Eisner's various works, Calvin and Hobbes ALL have this beauty in their inking that can really inspire. Personally, I'd like to get a bit messier with my inking. Messy inks feel so alive. They're so visually interesting.

For colors, I highly recommend this book. I've read it and re-read it as much as possible. It may be for painters, but cartoonists can and should learn from all kinds of art forms. The works of Moebius were also mega foundational for me in learning how to color my comics. The man knew his palettes and how to not confine himself too much to what's "realistic". Speaking of painters (you may roll your eyes at this one) I'm also a fan of Frank Frazetta.

For panelling, I only have one true inspiration, and that's the work of Tess Stone. I grew up reading Hanna Is Not A Boy's Name. It changed how I viewed the limitations of panelling forever. Of course, it may be harder to find that comic these days, so here's a snippet:

Basic advice: really really take your time taking in art that you like, and try to reverse-engineer how it was made in your head. Heck, even if there's art you DON'T like, overall, but has elements you DO like, you can learn from that, too!

Okay! Sorry for rambling! Now here's the thing you're actually here for:

How To Think When You Draw collection of REALLY GOOD tutorials for whatever you need, these guys helped me out a ton when I was figuring the jungle scenes early in Infested.

This Pinterest Which Has Absolutely Everything You Can Possibly Think Of For References And Inspiration Sources.

An Extremely Good Font Site That Is Used By Professionals In The Comics Industry To Letter Their Comics.

The Most Important Book Any Cartoonist Can Read

A Different Book By The Same Man About Making Comics (for free, thanks Internet Archive)

Perspective For Comic Book Artists, thanks again Internet Archive

As for workflow... Man, I wish I could give you any kinda advice on that. I'm struggling with it, myself. I guess I've got two things?

If you have multiple deadlines for, say, multiple commissions or something, or you're trying to put out a weekly comic, but you're also doing something else, break the day up into time slots for each project, and switch the moment it's time to. Keep yourself on that schedule. I'm not very good at this.

I draw pretty detailed thumbnails, so sometimes I'll skip the penciling step in comics and blow up the thumbnail to ink over that. It's faster for sure! It's not always the right solution, however.

Thanks for reading! I hope any of what I've said helps at all!

[laurasbailey]

hey, sorry to come out of nowhere with this, feel free to ignore! just wanted to get a bit of perspective on the c3 negativity i've been seeing for so long, which i've tried and failed to avoid and has been bumming me out more than i would like. this is my first campaign, it has brought me so much joy and company, but every time i end up reading a deeply negative take i can't really shake off the feeling that they're actually right, cause some of it makes sense to me and i can't unsee that. i know i'm being paranoid about it and truly setting myself up to be miserable and ruin the whole thing, which at this point i might've already done, but i just get sad wishing i could've had experienced the things everyone raves about (like different pacing and a lot of RP) for this campaign, which i'm so close to. do you think c3 is actually, objectively, worse or shallower than the previous ones? is there truth to the criticism (about it being too plot-driven, about the characters making each other worse and not being a good fit for this story, about the cast not being as into it and so on) or is the internet being the internet, and i should basically touch grass? it's not like i would drop it, honestly, i'm just sad thinking about how this story and these characters could've worked out if the "quality" was the one i keep seeing everyone talk about in regards to c1/c2. i know it's not that deep and it shouldn't matter in the long run, i'm just struggling a bit to not give in to the negativity and wanted to get your take on it, as someone's who's navigated this fandom longer! and again, truly sorry for the unprompted rant and thanks in general for being cool and taking the time to make gifs and recaps :)

you said it's brought you joy and company and it's seeing the negativity that's starting to ruin it, which is, honestly and sadly, a common thing that happens in online fandoms. negativity will bring the mood down regardless, because it just spirals into further misery. personally i stopped looking at fandom opinions and i've been a lot happier ever since! half the stuff you've said in here i've never heard before, that's how off the grid i am now lmao.

to answer your question, no, i don't think c3 is necessarily "worse" because, while people are entitled to their opinion, i think that's such a lazy, basic ass way of looking at it. also i just don't think a dnd game with people who are storytellers for a living can be shallow unless that's their goal, quite frankly. are there aspects of c3 i dislike? of course! but the same is true for all campaigns. there were parts of c2 i thought were very weak, despite the entire internet praising it like the second coming of jesus. there are things i think c3 does better than c2, even. and there are things c1 does better than both c2 and c3, and so on.

do i like that most of the campaign has been bells hells vs. a ticking clock? not really, it does mean certain sacrifices are made. do certain characters get on my last nerve? absolutely (but that's not exclusive to c3 lmao). at the same time though, i get the three women front and centre of the main plot, which has never happened before. i get a laura/marisha character romance after watching them have great chemistry for years. i get c1-level stakes and fantastic female npcs/villains, which c2 was mostly lacking. i get ashley full time (!!!) coming out of her shell and being her best and most chaotic self. and i get SO MUCH of the c1 characters? i'm fucking spoiled if you ask me.

maybe some of the criticism is very real and warranted (again, haven't seen it and don't plan to) but at the end of the day, this isn't my game of dnd or yours or any of the viewers'. we are literally watching other people play an improv game where they're crying one minute and making dick jokes the next, you just have to be along for the ride. going into the campaign with certain expectations is really silly and critiquing it the way you would a tv show just doesn't work. also unless these people are friends with the cast and speaking to them irl, how could they possibly know they aren't enjoying it as much like be serious 💀

i'm gonna be so honest here: idk if the people who are constantly spouting negativity are just miserable, but they sure look it! also stupid! why? because normal people who hate something simply ✨ stop watching and move on ✨. sure, hatewatching can be fun if you and your friends are in someone's living room or discord call shooting the shit, but doing it online day after day after day? honestly i just feel sorry for those people. happy people do not spend their time throwing essays worth of negativity up for the big wide world to see! how do i know this? because i was that person in my teens and i was severely unlikeable!

if you've enjoyed something without the bias of someone else's opinion, then you've enjoyed it! but your opinion can also change as the campaign goes, that can also be true! i would be interested to hear the reasons you loved it initially, because i think you'll find that most of that core stuff is present in all three campaigns.

the recent plot of c3 has been more stressful than any plot in previous campaigns, so understandably people have big feelings. my advice: the block button is your friend but so is the follow button! criticism is healthy, find people who deliver it in a way that's not some whiny entitled baby. letting someone else's opinion influence yours will never make you happy.

[askthedragonriders]

Good evening dragon riders. This question is for all of you. Life has been very overwhelming lately and loneliness is a very real thing that I (and likely many other people) have been struggling with. Sometimes forcing myself out of isolation can feel near impossible. How do you deal with this sort of stress? (If this question is a lot for you then it’s ok if you don’t answer. I understand).

good evening! this has been sitting in my ask box for a couple of months now at this point (maybe longer). i've finally reached it and i apologize for the wait.

i'm also sorry for not responding to this in character, but i just couldn't bring myself to do it. i am just one person roleplaying as these six goobers and it's hard for me to have them have their own answers while i have my own separate experiences with the same issue and loneliness being smth that has been a part of my entire life until recently.

ik how you feel, anon. life gets overwhelming and you are alone or even with others you feel alone because there's just smth not connecting and putting yourself out there takes up so much energy with the added potential of it not working in your favor at all and it sucks so badly. it SUCKS so badly.

forcing yourself out of isolation is SO much sometimes. at my worst i couldn't even imagine it being possible that i could have the power to get myself out. i can only speak from my experiences and i apologize if it does nothing for you. i understand if it doesn't. we are not the same person, none of us are.

but for me, the stress of it all would be me going to work or having to do smth and being like "you know what. just say hi to someone. introduce yourself." such as a coworker or a fellow student. it gets more difficult if you don't have scheduled things like that which generally require interacting with people and yea, it doesn't mean it'll guarantee the loneliness going away if you happen to talk to someone. i get it.

i've always been somewhat of an outsider and struggled in having friends bc a part of me liked keeping to myself but also i was afraid and stressed but it made me lonely and it just cycled. i was lucky my mom recommended i see a therapist bc she was worried & it ended up working wonders for me in understanding how i operate.

for dealing with the stress of it, sometimes it's as simple as slow breathing, sometimes it's setting tinier goals so it's not so daunting and going step by step, and sometimes it did end up being dealing with the stress head on and jumping in. sometimes finding someone online helped, sometimes having someone irl with me helped. what also helps me is remembering that being lonely will always be part of a phase. our feelings always have opposites. someone else across the world or even across the street is also lonely, either literally alone or at a giant gathering with friends around them. we are lonely together.

you will not be lonely forever and the fact you know you don't like being lonely and don't want to be lonely, even if the stress of coming out of isolation feels like so much, that's enough. it can make the difference. you might even end up not being lonely or fighting it in a way you never expected or didn't even realize because things sometimes just happen. it's what happened to me, i started seeing a therapist and got a new job and there i met my two best friends in the whole world who are some of the only ppl who make me feel happy and full. we don't talk all the time. we don't need to. we pick up right where we left off. i no longer see my therapist and have moved out and my life has changed a lot.

ik that it doesn't always work like that. sometimes you rlly do have to keep getting up, going out, and facing the loneliness head on. usually it'll be a mixture of it happening naturally and being a fight. learning to be comfortable in your own company and taking care of yourself can also be very helpful, and you gotta do that at your own pace. days will sometimes be bad and sometimes be good. it probably won't be noticeable or go as quickly as you hope it will.

i hope you are able to find peace, anon. you will one day see, looking back, that you aren't lonely. even if you still are some time in the future, i hope it's still an improvement from where you are now. i hope your situation has improved for you since you sent this ask.

i wish you the best

[hope-for-the-planet]

Hello! Something I see a lot of in climate discussions is how important it is that we do not let climate anxiety prevent us from taking environmental action. Now, I do suffer from a lot of eco anxiety, but I dont let it stop me; I do a lot to try and help the planet, from volunteering to pursuing an ecology degree. I can see that my actions have made a small impact, but no matter what I do, it never seems enough! Especially considering how many harmful actions I undertake just by living. I always feel I should be doing more, but I dont know what more I *can* do, and I drive myself crazy trying to find more ways to help. I've never heard anyone discussing this particular flavour of anxiety. A lot of the discussion seems to end at "take action". Do you have any thoughts on this?

Hi Jesse! Thanks for the ask—this is a great question.

First, thank you so much for the work that you are already doing. Remember that the impact you actually see from your actions is rarely the full scope of what you have accomplished—there are very likely positive ripple effects you will never know about.

Two other important things to remember:

No one individual is responsible for solving the climate crisis—or even just solving a large chunk of the climate crisis—on their own. I think Western individualism can sometimes convince us that if we, as individuals, cannot make a huge, measurable dent in a problem then we aren't doing enough and it will never be solved. But that is not true—we are not in this alone, we share the fight with billions of other humans, and we are most effective when we join our efforts together in community.

The fight against climate change is not a battle that can be finally and conclusively won, at least not in our lifetimes. There will always be new challenges to address as we seek to repair and live on this changing world. Pacing yourself and contributing a sustainable amount for a long period of time is more effective (and healthier for you) than going full throttle doing everything you possibly can for a few years and then burning out.

Right now I'm slowly working through the book A Field Guide to Climate Anxiety by Sarah Jaquette Ray. This passage made me think of your ask:

“[S]ome people thrive in “the struggle” and feel like there’s something wrong if they start to feel happy and well adjusted, as if this shows that they do not care enough about the cause. Many of us feel were are complicit in causing harm if we do not suffer alongside those who suffer the most

“Although this tendency comes from a generous place of wanting to be present with those who suffer, our perception that the crisis is urgent and requires immediate and intense engagement can lead to burnout. If we really care about a cause, our priority should be to avoid martyrdom. Despite what some of us have internalized from the environmental movement, our presence on the planet does not have to mean eternal damnation. We are all worthy of living on Earth, and we do not need to spend our lives repenting for the sin of being human.”

I hope this helps you in the same way it helped me.

<3

[viv-weylin]

TF2 Mercs as the Crane Wives Songs/An Analysis of All the Mercs

This one is going to be a long one, but as is customary with my fandoms, I will be assigning characters songs from the Crane Wives discography. I won't be going lyric by lyric explaining why it relates to the character as it will make the pacing and general setup of this post awkward, I'll just highlight the lyrics that matter.

I will be sticking to their canon personalities. I will be avoiding as much fanon interpretation as possible, and will be avoiding shipping content & common headcanons. It's nice to re-engage with canon media as a nice refresh for interpretations and headcanons.

SCOUT- Take me to War

Take me to War is about anger and fighting. As a child, Scout found himself last to fights and oftentimes had to watch from the sidelines as his brothers got to fight. And he didnt. He was too small. But being small had an advantage, he was able to run.

I've earned myself a reputation/ That my bark is much worse than my bite/ But I keep snapping at Goliath's hands/ With all of my tiny might

This first stanza summarizes Scout, I feel, quite well. Scout talks shit, he's small and can't follow up with the shit he talks, but he talks shit nonetheless.

Dress me in red and throw your roses/ And I'll rankle the beasts with words/ It's a graceless dance of epithets/ We learn to make someone hurt

Scout doesn't look all that scary, that unassuming, but he's tough as nails and despite being cowardly, will stand and help when needed.

All of the words I've swallowed/ All of the sharp things I've kept in my mouth/ I am always bleeding out

This lyric specifically highlights how sometimes words can be more cruel than actions. The mercs all throw insults while on the battlefield, but remember that Scout is the closest thing to a normal boy on that battlefield. He can take literal assassins and killers head on- despite being so young and "normal." We can assume that his sharp tongue would translate quite poorly in normal conversation as being surronded by the mercs sort of. Fucks up your personality.

I'll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you/ Give me a fight I can't resist/ Give me something to break with my fists/ Take me to war/ Oh, honey, I dare you

Scout is a sweet, welcoming small town Boston boy with a heart of gold. Underneath it all, is a violent and teasing killer who, much like his teammates, enjoys violence and hurting people. I feel like this is something that's underutilized when it comes to Scout. He's so young, has a family and future and yet is so easily turned to violence. Take Scout to War, he dares you.

SOLDIER - Little Soldiers

No, I didn't just choose the song because of the title. I struggled immensely when it came to Soldier. I had a general idea, going in, of what everyone's character song will be. With Soldier? The Crane Wives songs deal with deep character incatracies and such, Soldier lacks that, at least on the surface. This song, I feel, represents the friendship he has with RED Demo. His loyalty to his friend and his love for him. This song has the word love in it, but I want to avoid any shipping content in this analysis so it's accessible to everyone. Love can be platonic.

On the broken backs of all the words we spared/ Like little soldiers in the trenches/ It was a march we made towards ruin and despair/ But we held hands all the while

Being forced to kill your best friend over and over is difficult. Fighting, sparring, on the battlefield, yet close friends and confidants outside of it. Holding hands with someone who killed you, it's cruel in a way. For two friends to have to kill over and over. Yet, they continue this friendship despite it all.

Beneath the table you would offer up my bones/ And all the dogs would lick your fingers

How are you supposed to badmouth your best friend? He's supposed to be your enemy, offering up all the parts of your friend that hurts, and you have to be fine with everyone believing you hate him.

We didn't give up, we wouldn't dare surrender/ It was an honest loss

Despite the Administrator forcing them apart, they'd never surrender their loyality to one another. They're loyal to each other before her.

PYRO - Daydreamer

Like I said, I'm trying to stick to canon as much as possible. In canon, Pyro is not that... well, complex. I myself have many headcanons for them, but canon only. Daydreamer is a song about someone who gets stuck in their own head quite a bit, which suits Pyro and their Pyrovision.

Two steps forward and one step back/ I’ll take a one-way ticket anywhere/ It’s not over, this is only a setback/ We’ll just have to move a little bit faster now, faster now

Pyro is two steps forward, one step back. They do something amazing, then do something childish. They balance a fine line between absolutely insane and genius.

Daydreamer, you’re falling behind (falling behind, falling behind)/ I’ll get there in my own time

Pyro... isn't really sure nor is aware of what's going on. And you know what? It works for them. This one is far shorter than any other due to the length of the song being short and not having stuff to analyze as Pyro is rather simple. And sometimes simple is good.

DEMO - Keep you Safe

I knew I wanted to do this song as soon as I reread Demo's backstory. Keep you Safe is about waiting and regrets. One thing Demo is good at is waiting. Waiting for the perfect time to strike or waiting for his parents haha. Demo was abandoned as a kid, and was done so because he needed to hone his skills on his own. Honestly Demo had one of the worst childhoods, killing his parents and losing an eye is not an easy thing for any kid. No wonder he's an alcoholic.

When I was a child/ My nerves ran wild/ When I watched my friends/ Rise to the tops of the trees/ With the risk of fall I never climbed at all/ Every day I told myself “I’m not ready”

Demo felt safer creating bombs, he rather create than socialize. He was never ready. Demo had a shitty childhood and prefered to wait out the dangers instead of engage.

My daddy always said/ “Nothing worth doing comes easy”/ Time is not your friend/ Time is not your remedy

His parents believed in toughing it out. Believed in fighting and believed in working hard, to the point that it was borderline neglectful and absusive. (Again, abanonding your child so that he could find his skills on his own is fucked up). Demo learned the hard way the world is not kind, and sometimes you need to take action. This one is shorter, but I struggle a lot trying to talk about Demo without delving into my headcanon and personal intpretation too much. I'll cut this one short.

ENGINEER - Canary in a Coal Mine

I struggled A LOT with Engie. I reread all his story as much as I could but could not find a matching song, so I had to stretch this to fit quite a bit. Bear with me. I chose Canary in a Coal Mine because of his relationship with the Administrator, and how she would be just about dead without him.

You and I are friends of empty graves, black air and black, black lungs/ Am I the only thing that keeps you safe when the light is gone?

The Administrator is essentially an empty grave with black lungs, has been through a lot of shit. He is the only reason she is alive, he's and his knowledge is the only reason the war continues. Without Engie's ability to create, there wouldn't be anything. He's the only thing keeping her safe when the light is gone.

Feed me promises, keep my heart well/ I'll sing you songs until the darkness does recede

With promises of clearing his "old debt", he's willing to do whatever to feed his god complex. I apologize for the short one this is, I struggled heavily with him much like I did with Pyro.

HEAVY - Hard Sell

Heavy is the anchor in his family, he's always been a protector and always been the worker. When he was younger, maybe he wondered if things would get easier once he got bigger and stronger. Heavy uses his strength to protect by being violent.

I'm trying to make something of myself/ My better days, I go buy the hard sell/ But I feel like I'm working with barbed wire and moth wings/ 'Cause I can't really get a hold of many things.

Maybe as a child, Heavy had to put a lot of pressure on himself to grow. On Genius lyrics, a summary reads:

"The narrator is trying to improve themself in an aggressive matter, but they’re too rough on themselves, making them feel fragile. In being so hard on themselves, they feel like change is unobtainable."

What we do know about Heavy is this: Heavy has always had to fight and protect. He's probably had to grow up early, and he's tough on himself. To be stronger. To protect his sisters and family. He cares about them more than anything and is willing to push himself to do anything for them. This can also be interpreted in the sense that he works extraordinarily hard, physically, to protect people. Pushing himself past his bodily limits, as seen in End of the Line.

Is it me? Is it really just me?/ Does everybody have it together or are we all pretending?

I don't think Heavy is perfectly mentally sane, but he has to be essentially a calming anchor around him or they'd probably also fall apart. The rest of the song repeats mostly, but that's the reason I chose Hard Sell for Heavy.

MEDIC - Ribs

Medic is an interesting character to me. I knew I wanted to do this song due to the religious themes in it (as he talks to satan), and also because of the general themes of innards. KEEP IN MIND, THIS TALKS ABOUT THE AMORALITY OF MEDIC. I AM NOT SAYING HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HIS TEAM, HE DOES. But he is also amoral.

Marrow made a wife of Eve/ But no one gave up a rib for me and mine/ My hearts did expose to the elements/ Calloused and untouched by a man's design

Medic isn't a man of god, he's not pure or holy. He's untouched by morality and what is good or bad. He's pure, unadulterated curiousity and mania. His heart was exposed to what we can assume is the worst of humanity, and thus all morals were thrown out the window.

Oh, my ugly organs/ How lucky we are

Whereas one may pity Medic for his insanity and lack of moral compass, he sees this as an absolute win. He's lucky he's untouched by innocence.

Oh, my savage empire/ How lucky we are/ Never to be moved by the words of a liar

He's reinstating he's once again lucky for being a dealer with Satan rather than god. He knows God won't be able to give him what he wants, Satan? Satan can. Satan will. He will become immortal one way or another.

The dark doesn't frighten me/ I chose to close my eyes/ It is mine, it is mine/ The night doesn't frighten me/ I chose to let it thrive/ It is mine, it is mine

This lyric really is why I chose Ribs. The dark, evil and inhumane parts of himself is not something he chooses to hide, to close away and deny. He embraces that part of him that others may urge to hide. He is not afraid of his evil, Medic chooses it. Sometimes we forget how demented Medic is. He betrays everyone to join TFC, he brought Sniper back to life, he DECAPITATED BLU SPY AND LEFT HIM IN A FRIDGE WHILE ALIVE. Medic is evil, he's cruel and merciless but in a way that is so honest and open and endearing that exudes confidence and choice.

SNIPER - The Wolf

Sniper, I knew very early on as in media he's compared to a Wolf quite often, and the themes align well. Sniper struggles quite a bit with proving he's not a crazed gunman. That he's 100% sane and is rather a calculated killer. He's aware he's a bad person and sort of embraces it in a sort.

I am not a builder/ I’m much better at blowing things down

Sniper is a person who destroys. Destroys heads and lives specifically. He's aware of this and embraces it through his unconventional career choice.

I am not a tempest/ I light torches in my sleep/ I have gasoline in my veins/ I am always burning, burning, burning

Sniper is destructive, he's a controlled fire of sorts. A killer, but not an insane one but that intense passion he has for his job, seen through his voicelines, burn despite the controlled aspect.

I am a falling axe/ I am a sharpened knife/ I am a poison asp/ I am a risk to your life

Sniper is a highly dangerous man and a bad person, a wolf in sheeps clothing of sorts as he's not that dangerous looking. On the inside, he's a cold heartless killing machine, at least when he's on the job.

Can it be/ Can it be easy for once/ Cause I’m no good at being kind to myself/ Or anyone

This part will be making a few assumptions: we can guess that Sniper has some sort of insecurity as having your parents constantly berate you for your job probably stings. Especially when you love them more than anything. Wanting to crave that approval so so badly, yet struggling so much to connect with people as he's on the job 24/7. He's not kind to himself- or anyone else. He's a prowling beast looking for his next kill, not some schoolboy making friends.

A single video made me fall in love with Sniper as a character and its because of his relationship with his parents. It's eight years old but holds up to this day. Here.

SPY - Empty Page

This is the reason I made this post. Spy is, and will always be, a nobody person. He doesn't have a stable identity due to his career and even when telling his son that he is his father, he can't show his face. Being a spy has mental health repercussions when it comes to your identity, and this has always fascinated me about Spy.

I’m just a ten cent copy/ Of people far more advanced than me/ Every thought that I’ve ever had/ Could be ripped from a magazine

Instantly, you can tell why this song is Spy. Spy is a ten cent copy of people, he's a copycat, a liar. He literally steals the identity of people to play a role, he isn't a person. He's a blank canvas to LITERALLY project onto!

Cut me a path, and I will follow it/ Draw me a line, and I’ll avoid it/ I’m nothing if not obedient

Spy is an obedient worker who will do anything and everything he's told to... again. It's Spy.

I am an empty page/ A muddled shade of paint/ I am a light that’s burning out

Spy is an amalgamation of all the people he has had to be in the past, he is an empty page, he is a color of paint that in unique because he's people clipped together from magazines. Spy isn't a person, he doesn't even have a name. He is JUST. A. SPY.

Years of imitating mastery/ Only made me a better thief

Again. He's an imitation of people who he's needed to be. Despite him maybe being the main reason I made this post, this song is so straightforward and blatant in why it's Spy, I can't add a lot of commentary.

BONUS: SPY & SCOUT - Never Love an Anchor

Never Love an Anchor, despite the dozens of animatics and popular belief, is not about romance. It's about family. The romantic interpretation is so.. upsetting since the song literally cannot be romantic due to some lyrics but whatever. Anyways, Spy's POV to Scout. I know I said I would only highlight the important lyrics, but this one is a special case.

On some level, I think I always understood/ That these hands of mine were clumsy, not clever/ And I tried to do the best that I could/ But try as I might, I couldn't bring myself to hold you

Spy has hands meant for lockpicking and killing, not holding a child close and making a family. God did he love Scout, but he couldn't dare look his child in his face knowing that beneath the facade of a father, he was an empty shell. Spy has hands meant for murder, not creating.

It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest/ With this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful/ There is love that doesn't have a place to rest/ But it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders

Spy will never tell Scout the truth. He cannot, will not or will ever be able to because of his cowardice and for Scout's safety. He doesn't regret leaving, he knows it was for the better, but god does he feel so much guilt and shame for leaving. For being a Spy. He would've gotten Scout and his family killed if he stayed with them, and he didn't want to have to bury his own child. If he loved, he'd hurt.

There are times when I still wonder about you/ You are someone I have loved, but never known/ And you'll never see the reasons I had/ For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you

He sees Scout everyday, seeing the son he never had become a boy strong and agile. He wants to know about Scout, he wants to be there, but can never tell him why he couldn't hold him. Why Spy had to leave.

I am selfish, I am broken, I am cruel, I am all the things they might have said to you/ Do you ever think of me and my two hands?/ And wonder why they never soothed your fevers?/ And wonder why they never tied your shoes?/ And wonder why they never held you gently?/ And wonder why they never had the chance to lose you?

Spy is a bad person, and he hoped Scout wouldn't end up the same. It's not too late for Scout to turn his life around. But Spy doesn't have that right— the right to act like a father. He never held Scout, never raised him, never took care of him, never taught him. Never helped him. He never had a chance to lose his son out of fear of losing him. It was a lose lose situation, but at least this way Scout isn't dead.

God. This song.

BONUS: PAULING & THE ADMINISTRATOR - The Moon Will Sing

The moon will sing a song for me/ I loved you like the sun/ Bore the shadows that you made/ With no light of my own/ I shine only with the light you gave me/ I shine only with the light you gave me

Pauling's entire being is centered about the Administrator and it's incredibly sick and codependant. Pauling is nothing without the woman who gave her everything, so she will have to work endlessly to make her happy, right?

Ending Thoughts

Woo! That was a long one. It took 5 days to write this all due to me rereading all the source medias several times. I hope you enjoyed this, please leave your thoughts on this. I like to reread the source medias of my fandoms at least once a year to refresh my headcanons and such. This was that.

[duckapus]

A Slice of Orange Regret

Some of the crew is hanging out in the castle foyer as usual, when Meggy trudges in, a haunted look in her eyes and some sort of poster in her hands. Tari's the first to notice her.

"Hey, Meggy! Are you...okay?"

Meggy doesn't answer at first, which draws the attention of the rest of the room, "...I messed up. I messed up real bad."

"What do you mean?"

"You know how Mario's been trying to recreate that orange spaghetti Domain and I made?"

There's a scattering of gestures and noises of general acknowledgement, a few of them a bit annoyed. It had been a bit hard to miss, given how obsessed and desperate he'd been getting, and more than a few of them had gotten caught in the crossfire of his more chaotic attempts, especially recently. And with Mario being who he is, it isn't likely that he'll be stopping his crusade for the perfect spaghetti any time soon, no matter how much some may have wanted him to.

"Well, the other day I was grabbing lunch with Desti and we ended up talking about it, and-and I wasn't thinking about where we were or who would overhear even though I really should have, and now..." she trails off and stares down at the floor, holding out the poster for someone to take.

Bob's the one to grab it, and when he sees what's on it his eyes bulge out in shock, "Sweet holy tits, you're completely fucked."

She lets out a pained whimper, and the rest of the crew crowds in to see what it says for themselves. There's several shocked gasps, a nervous 'mama-mia' from Luigi, and Saiko even clasps at her chest and says some things under her breath that go untranslated.

Finally, the poster is revealed in full...as an advertisement for a new Orange Pizza at Peppino's Pizza.

Anyone who knows both men is aware that, despite their friendship when off-the-clock, when it comes to food Mario "Jumpman" Mario and Peppino Spaghetti are bitter rivals, always seeking to one-up one another and claim the Mushroom Kingdom as their pizza restaurant's turf and theirs alone. Of course this would be how the eternally anxious pizza chef reacted to hearing about Mario's struggles with his signature food. And this was Peppino, so there was no way he'd ever be willing to tell anyone, especially Mario, how exactly he pulled it off.

Finding out that his culinary arch-enemy had accomplished what he could not no matter how hard he tried would be bad enough, but finding out that his closest friend was partially to blame for it?

SMG4 is the first to recover, shuddering at the possibilities before grinning nervously, "N-now let's not be too hasty guys. Maybe it's not exactly the right orange. I mean, restaurants make their food look better on ads and menus all the time!"

Meggy shakes her head, eyes still vacant, "Already tried it. It was just as good and orange as the spaghetti." She sighs the sigh of the damned before finally looking up again, "I have to tell him."

"Are you nuts!?" 3 grabs her by the shoulders, "Do you have any idea just how pissed he's gonna be!?"

"Well, it'll be worse if I try to hide it and he finds out himself! And that will happen, you know as well as I do there's no way to keep this from him forever." She brushes him off and starts pacing, "Look, I already texted him to come over so we could talk, he'll be here any minute, I just needed to tell you guys first to psyche myself up."

They all look around at each other nervously, then Saiko gets up, "I'll start planning the funeral."

Meggy deadpans at her, "thanks for the vote of confidence."

It's at this point that Mario bursts in, his usual stupid grin on his face, "WADDUP, PARTY PEOPLE!"

There's some scattered greetings which sound a bit nervous rather than annoyed like usual, but he doesn't notice the difference. He also doesn't notice Meggy snatching the ad back from Bob.

He hops over to Meggy, "So, you needed to talk to Mario?"

She very decidedly does not gulp in terror, thank you, "Y-yeah, uh, 4? Could we use the game room for this."

"Sure thing." As they head that way, he frantically mouths 'soundproof' to Emulator. She gets what he means and does so, reinforcing the room with Invisible Walls as well for good measure.

They enter the room, the door left slightly open for now to gauge what might be happening, and after a minute or so Lily speaks up, "maybe he's taking it well?"

This, of course, is when Mario shouts "YOU DID WHAT!?", voice rapidly taking on an eldritch echoey quality as an eerie red glow appears through the doorway-

Tari, being the closest, quickly shuts the door the rest of the way so Emmy's protections can actually...well, protect them, "That's a no, I think."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Everyone else had gone back to what they'd been doing before, albeit now with a tense atmosphere and the occasional nervous glance at the game room.

A few hours in, Lil Coding's the first to address it, "Do you think they're done yet?"

"Let me check," Tari gets up and opens the door a bit to-

"-THEN REDIRECT PIPE 43-B TO THE WELL OF DAMNED SOULS AND FLUSH THE SYSTEM-"

-she slams it shut again just as the air starts to ripple around her, "Nope."

"Were those some kind of demonic plumbing instructions?"

Luigi shrugged, "Yeah, we've actually been studying to finally renew our plumbing licenses now that our lives and his sanity are somewhat stable again."

"And that involves damned souls?"

"Have you seen what the sewers are like in the Mushroom Kingdom? Plumbing around here isn't just clogged toilets and leaky faucets."

"Fair enough."

Boopkins lets out a nervous whine, "This is kind of overboard even for Mario, isn't it? I mean, Meggy just made a mistake."

3 juts his thumb towards the door, "hey, you wanna go in there and try telling him that, be my guest."

"-IF THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT OR DRAIN-O AREN'T AVAILABLE, MARINARA SAUCE WILL SUFFICE-"

Everyone looks over at Tari.

"Sorry! I figured it would be a good idea to check in every few minutes in case anything changes."

They all settle into the nerve-wracking, now slightly painful for their mortal minds routine for another 30 minutes or so, until finally...

"-AND STRANGLE THEM WITH A PAPAIA!"

The eldritch shouting and reality warping and red glow die down, and after a long few seconds Mario stomps out of the room in his Baked color scheme, each footstep leaving a glowing red boot-print that quickly dims to a scorch mark.

"I need to cool off. Do not follow me." His voice, while no longer as loud, is still just as intense, and everyone gives him a wide berth as he leaves.

Meggy's the next to come out, clearly exhausted and emotionally wrung-out but unharmed and un-"The-Abyss-Stared-Into-Me-And-Found-Me-Wanting." Tari pulls her into a side hug in case she loses her footing.

Her voice is small and shaky when she finally says something, "Well, he took that better than I expected."

[thistle-and-thorn]

Your fanfics live rent free in my head. Your manner of prose has made me so much more picky now though. Any recommendations for fic authors or book authors with similar styles?

Oh this is a very generous ask! And I'm going to be completely indulgent and give you lots and lots of very long answers.

A couple disclaimers: I'm not sure that these are really similar to my style, but these are writers/works that I find very inspirational/educational. Also, I will read pretty much any ship so some of these may not be to your taste. Apologies in advance! And I will fully admit that I do not read much fanfiction, especially Sansa/Tyrion fanfiction anymore, because reading similar content makes it a lot harder for me to write stories myself. If there's any oversights, fully on me.

Fanfic--There are so many good fics and incredible writers and if you ever have specific requests for ships or fandoms, I will happily continue to scream about stories I love but I am going to use the opportunity to tell you about my mutuals. Because I think the appreciation and love you have for the people you meet because you connect with their writing is a very special thing.

@attonitos-gloria--nonny, I am guessing that you know Her. The Undisputed Queen of Sanrion. However, it is frankly a moral obligation that I have to shout her out. Getting to beta for her is one of the joys of my life and has just given me the deepest appreciation for her craft. She has the best and quickest mind for plot and world-building I've truly ever encountered and a natural instinct for pacing and dialogue. She knows how to turn a phrase and she understands the cycle of how a character feeds into plot to construct a theme and how to leverage it for maximum effect (TBT to the TKC-fueled Spiritual Crisis of 2020). But really, really, really what makes her one of my favorite writers and one of my most re-read writers, fanfic or traditionally published, is how much she loves the characters. Every work is an act of love and compassion, and you can tell.

@coffeeandorange--The thing that I am always left with when I am done reading a Coffee StoryTM is a sense of clarity. Like, this is work that cuts through a lot of the fandom B.S to get to the heart and muscle of the thing (whatever it may be). Here is where you're going to find the perfect intersection of ingenuity, originality, and just really good writing. I am really struggling with how to adequately describe the writing without feeling reductive, but the word that keeps coming to mind is clean. But what I think I really mean is that I always have the sense that the language, that the use of language, is precise because it knows what it's saying. It is simply the form that best embodies that clarity. I have such an appreciation for the contrasts that coffee allows you to sit with: the joyful tragedy in The Way Home, the gruff intimacy in The Cat-king; the beggar boy, and the sharp tenderness in Shame Will Not Hold Down Your Eyes. They are stories that never shy away from the knots and complications in canon and I really, really, really admire that. I love when someone trusts their reader to sit in life's penumbras and coffee does just that.

@charmtion--being mutuals with charmtion is like being mutuals with a celebrity. I genuinely feel like I rediscover words, like literal words (fluted! why don't i use the word fluted!), when I read her stories. When I first started sharing my writing, I would study her sentence construction and try to figure out how I could be Like That. Reading charm feels like stepping into a fantasia, whether it's American high school or Irish mob house or Westeros. But beyond just sheer style, there is such a deep, dark, tender core to charm's writing. Her ability to mine small moments to show you what grief and desire looks like is something that I really admire.

Books: These are books, old favorites or new, that have inspired things that I've written, or thought about while writing, or just made have that Oh My God To Share Stories is the Greatest Gift:

Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis: Possibly how Attonitos and I became friends? That's the lore I'm going with. This is heavy on the Christian theology, but can be enjoyed just as a damn good novel. Lewis has had a huge influence on my spiritual and moral life, and he is at his best here. A perfect psychological portrait of Psyche and the single best myth retelling/revisioning I've ever read.

Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan: I just read this and it is a total favorite of mine now. A writer who explores the complications of kindness, rather than the banality of evil. CK doesn't tell you a thing but uses the small details of everyday life to force your examination of your own morality.

The Queen's Thief series by Meghan Whalen Turner: I'm a parody of myself. But like. They're really good, okay???????????

Literally Any book by Hilary Mantel--Probably my favorite traditionally published writer. Her books are tough--my favorite are the Cromwell books--and the language is tough to get into. But when you finally are immersed, it's magic. She changed how I thought about how to write permanently.

The Bloody Chamber by Angela Carter: This book is probably the one that has had the biggest, biggest influence on how I write. I can read her stories over and over and over again. Her use of language and image. Her eroticism. *chef's kiss*

Deathless by Cathrynne M. Valente-- This was rec'd to me by tumblr's arbiter of good taste and curator of beauty @palominojacoby. I wrote an unhinged essay about this book on my secret sideblog that explains my feelings more but in short: this book is how you use fairytales and sex, my friends. The political is the personal. Very personal.

Say Nothing by Patrick Radden Keefe--I read a lot of non-fiction. I have a massive ethical issue with the way he deals with the end of the book but the questions he raises about the moral wound is seriously influencing crows + locusts. Particularly the as-yet unpublished fourth installment.

[thatgirl4815]

Only Friends Character Rankings/Analysis

I did this once at the beginning of the series and once in the middle of the series, so time for final character rankings. I'd invite anyone else in the fandom to participate if you'd like! :)

1. Sand & Ray

I originally put Sand above Ray, but I've reached the point where I can no longer consider them anything but a package deal. I love them both too much. It also occurs to me that interest in a character is different than love for them, but in this case both apply.

Ray was, to me, the most evidently well-thought out, complex character in the series. He has the most baggage to go through, and all of that manifests in a lot of tense scenes and emotional outbursts. No one in the cast could've handled that better than Khaotung. As Jojo has mentioned before, Ray is someone who could easily be viewed as one dimensional, even despite his painful backstory. But the fact that Ray generated such a mixture of anger, sympathy, frustration, and love is such a testament to both the writing and the acting. His growth is also the most poignant and prominent throughout the series, so big points for that. Double points for fashion sense.

Sand is just—the ideal guy. He’s got good tastes and he’s also one of the most caring people on the planet, as he demonstrates time and time again. He’s a shoulder for people to lean on (literally, in Ray’s case). He has his own painful history to work through, and while I still struggle with some of his behavior towards the latter end of the series, on the whole Sand felt like a well-rounded character despite being outside of the core friend group. The way he views himself and Ray, and just his at-times overwhelming empathy for others makes him so memorable to me. He also gets double points for just being awesome (plus the leather jacket!! Hello?), but he’d get triple points if he picked up a bat.

2. Nick

Second to Ray, Nick’s growth is one of the most compelling to watch throughout the series. Despite some qualms I have with the pacing of the finale, I do think Nick’s decision to part from Boston was hinted at in prior episodes. We witnessed Nick go from being a pathetic, groveling simp to a man who knew his worth. Sand helped a lot with that, but the decision to walk away was ultimately all Nick's. Nick goes from telling Sand that he can be Boston's side piece so long as Boston doesn't hate him, to telling Boston that they should break up even when Boston wants to be with him. The growth is phenomenal.

I wish we would’ve gotten to see a little more of Nick in the end. Is he doing okay? Is he with Dan? Regardless, I love that Nick is going after what he wants now. I got some creepy vibes from Dan, him being Nick's boss and all, but I think they could've had something sweet. Nick--I hope you're fulfilling your dreams.

3. Mew

Mew gives me the most mixed feelings throughout this series. I wanted to like him more than I actually did, and 99% of that was due to his moral superiority. I think his character was stronger in scenes without Top involved. Like with Ray--I think Mew and Ray's friendship, especially when they agree to just be friends, is such a good characterization moment for both of them. Instead, we witness Mew scowling at Top for the majority of the series, despite claiming he's in love with him. Which yeah, understandable that he'd be angry given what Top did. But Mew never convinced me that he was in love with Top.

With the moral superiority thing--I like that Mew has such a defined set of values. I think that's an admirable quality, unless it's used to put himself above others who do not always conform with his rigid standards--yes, I'm thinking of his condescending tone with Ray early in the series in regards to his drinking/drug use. I see myself a lot in Mew, but this is one part of him that I hope I don't share. Compared to Sand, Mew has a startling lack of empathy for Ray's situation. He must be oblivious to his tone, because what might be intended as helpful comes out judgmental.

I will give him some points though for the scene where he tells Top that he knows about the hookup with Boston. I don't think I ever liked Mew more than I did in that moment. Boss behavior.

4. Boston

As far as interest goes, I'd put Boston above Top, even though Boston frustrates me far more from a moral standpoint. Boston is such a hot topic in this series because his lifestyle is constantly on trial. Sometimes I think that discussion point overshadows other aspects of his character and even becomes equated with his bad qualities. I hate how certain readings of Boston suggest his promiscuity is the problem. I don't think the show is necessarily making the argument that the lifestyle is the issue, but they do highlight that many of the characters view it as an issue. Monogamy is right, polyamory is wrong; that's the way most people tend to view romantic relationships, even if they shouldn't judge other lifestyles so harshly. Ultimately, boundaries and allowances in a relationship are something Boston isn't good at handling. He's dishonest, and his communication skills are lacking because of it.

I could go into more details about Boston, but in general I found his assholery to be entertaining, even if it was frustrating.

5. Top

There are exactly two reasons why Top is below Mew in particular. 1) Because he cheated on him and 2) because he seems to lack any dimension whatsoever. The thing that frustrates me so much about Top is that I can see something there. He could be a very compelling character! But the most depth we get out of him is that he has trouble sleeping because of a fire when he was a kid. There's more to unpack there I'm sure, but we're left at that. Why?? I've seen the showrunners make comments before that Top was hated much more than they foresaw--I'd wager this is part of the reason. Give me something to care about! Give me context! Sand and Ray, by comparison, are given such rich backgrounds. We don't even need to know that much about Top's childhood--I just want to see some personality. He's a designer, but what does he like to do? What are his big hobbies?

There were a lot of missed opportunities to flesh out Top through his interactions with Mew. Their discussions were almost always about either Mew's hesitations about Top's intentions or Mew's inability to forgive Top for cheating on him. That does not make for a very compelling relationship.

6. Cheum

I don't think the show expected me to dislike Cheum as much as I do. And the thing is, I don't think I would've disliked her so much if we would've gotten more insight into her character. That hurt her, in the end. To put it bluntly, I disliked 1) her moral superiority (very similar to Mew's), 2) her disregard for boundaries (inviting Top to Mew's Halloween party and Boston to the New Year's party), 3) her lack of empathy (for Ray in particular, but that kind of extends to the whole friend group), and 4) her lack of accountability (she does apologize, which I commend, but Boston deserved to hear a little more of an apology than that when he was being accused of SA).

The reason Cheum is ultimately below Top is because we get even less of her in the series, and we don't get to see any growth from her. It's not her fault really given the lack of screen time, but at least with Top I can see his efforts to be better. With Cheum, it feels like I left her exactly where she was at the beginning. Not entirely a bad thing, but I wish she would've grown up in some aspects.

~ X ~

Gotta give a final shoutout to the real MVP, Freddy. I love you Fred.

[66sharkteeth]

I've been rereading City of Blank before it gets censored, and I just wanted to say I love it just as much as I did when I first started reading 3 years ago, if not more so now that I can see plot elements being set up and foreshadowing, etc. It made me sad to see you on twitter/X talking about how S1 isn't good. I can understand being hard on your own work, I'm like that, but why S1 in particular? I really like it! I could make notes as I go through listing out each and every thing I love in every chapter and I'd be doing it for ages. I've read a ton of web comics before and after finding CoB and yet it remains my favorite even still, including S1. Ignore my question if you want, I don't wanna bother you, but please at least accept the compliments because you deserve it and more, thank you for sharing your story 💜

Hmm, to be clear, it's not like I think season 1 is a steaming pile of crap or anything... I just think it's...nothing special and not particularly good.

I think it's biggest issue is it's pacing. S1 feels like...2 or 3 episodes, all stretched out into 25 episodes. A big part of this is because I was told they wanted s1 to end on Jericho's reveal, and back then, they didn't want first-time creators like myself committing to 50+ ep seasons they weren't sure they could keep up with. And honestly, not a ton happened between the first ep and Jericho's reveal. In hind sight, there was a lot more I could have done. I could have had Rex bond with Des and Lyss more, and just...given Lyss more screen time in general. I know so many people dropped the series because Lyss is introduced and when boy meets girl in media, they assume there's gonna be SOME romance there...but then Lyss just kinda fucks off and is asleep for literally 2/3rds of s1, losing that entire audience. Even if...Lyss didn't end up being the love interest, I wish I kept her around more to at least give people the false hope that she would be so I could have just maintained that huge part of WT's audience LMAO.

But instead, half of s1 was spent on that night on the town with Rex and Des and fighting Claude. These are things that crossed my mind when writing it but... I don't know how else to put it other than back then I just had the mindset of "eh, good enough." And on that note, I think the story just wasn't nearly as personal to me back then. I remember literally telling people like "It's nothing deep. The blanks don't represent anything. Sometimes people just wanna tell a fun story." Which...to be clear, 100% valid to people who wanna tell stories like that! But uh... by the end of s2, that stopped being the case. And this story became very personal to me. It became really impossible for blanks and their struggles to not represent things deeply personal to me. Around end of s2 is when this story started to be a lot more than "just a fun story w/ no deeper meaning" and when I really really started to pour my heart into it, and I LIKE to think it shows, because s3 is hands down where I'm most confident in my writing, compared to s1, when it was just trying to be a safe shonen adventure.

Lastly, going back to s1, I guess I kind of underestimated just how much this would end up meaning to me, and how having a weak-ish s1 would impact me 3 years later in s4. Back then I wasn't thinking about how the audience I get back in s1 is only gonna be a fraction of the audience you maintain in s4. I didn't realize there would be literal discussions on Reddit of comics people dropped and CoB being one of them bc of a lackluster s1. I wasn't thinking about how I would eventually be showing this to agents and publishers and that they might not look past it beyond s1 as just very average, mid content.

I was really just kinda in the mindset of "This is just Canvas 2, and if people like it, they like it!!" I wasn't thinking about how not putting 100% into s1 was going to potentially cost me thousands of readers, dollars, and even potential opportunities.

So TLDR, I don't think s1 is the worst thing ever, but a lack of heart, ambition, certain conditions, and just experience made it very lackluster in my opinion. I wish I could put a huge disclaimer on the series "IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE"

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

hello mara, i truly hope this doesnt come across as the vapid meme-like "just like me fr" but your art and writings resonate with me in a way i couldnt possibly articulate:]i just feel understood and in a way inspired to start making my own art

here's a question [im not playing armchair psychiatrist here, im genuinely interested] - do you sometimes have trouble reading?you seem to read a lot of books and vns so im curious, as its something i heavily struggle with myself

words only click when im zoned out and instead of reading the normal way i just have to input/feel them "spatially"

anyway, take care and have my belated christmas wishes:]

hi anonymous;

reading is very easy, but being patient with "what i am reading" is different; in terms of enjoyability novels > visual novels > narrative heavy games -- novels are at the top because they:re the least demanding of your attention: you can take them with you, close them at any time, and you don:t have to wait for any extra stimulae or grafik or audio; visual novels are more boring because you have to read sentences at the pace the visual novel sets for you (or throttles you by needing to key-mash); narrative heavy games are the most boring because they completely control the pace you engage with and how much attention is demanded-of; and in general: i don:t like sitting in front of a computer while reading (or while doing most things; older i get the more exhaustingly bored i get with being still, physically);

love books, though; i think sometimes people struggle with print cause they start daydreaming and re-reading -- but a big secret with reading is just understanding that not every sentence is important and not every word demands being understood; i:m fine just glazing-over text and being comfortable that i have zero idea what deeper meaning the author meant or if i missed some core detail.

i haven:t read much this month, though; haven:t done much at all; that:s it, from me.

[gouden-carolus]

Probably been asked. But what got you into Gen Kill?

Also, favorite fics from the fandom if you want to share.

Also, love your artwork

I don't think it's been asked before no! That being said, I don't think my venture into GK is particularly original. I watched Band of Brothers first (which I enjoy as a show but don't feel particularly fannish about) and then followed the natural progression into The Pacific and Generation Kill.

That was around 2013 though, and because I expected GK to be similar to BoB I didn't actually like it at first (I never made it past the second episode I think). For some reason I'd occasionally keep thinking about it now and then though, until I decided to give it a go again autumn 2022. After that there was no escape, lol.

Also, thank you! It always makes me really happy to hear that people like my art!

And sure, I can share some fic recs. I'll put them under a cut to give myself some space to talk about them.

Since this fandom has some incredibly talented authors it's very hard for me to pick favourites. So consider this more of a sample-sized selection of some of the great fics out there.

Brad/Nate Caelum non animum mutant qui trans mare currunt by hackthis This one starts with Brad finishing up his time with the Royal Marines throughout which he's been staying in contact with Nate by phone and email. It then follows Brad making questionable decisions about what to do with the change of status quo. I think the fic manages to balance a fine line where you can understand and sympathise with his thought process, while also wanting to roll your eyes at the stupidity.

Leading the Way by nogoaway Nate-centered fic that follows the somewhat convoluted path to self-acceptance, starting from childhood. Having never lived in the US I can't say if the setting's actually realistic, but it sure felt convincingly grounded in time and place. I also find myself comparing this one a bit to Born Ready by Makeit_takeit. They contrast each other, but both fics are to me equally convincing in their differing takes which I really enjoy.

Static by Nightanddaze What if there was a zombie outbreak in the middle of OIF? That's what this fic is about, and it's great. Great pacing that really lets the unease and hopelessness settle in. While it's definitely a Brad/Nate fic, this one's also plotty in a way that almost resembles an ensemble fic. If you'd rather have your zombie apocalypse fic with Brad/Ray flavour then there's also anthropocene, interrupted which is equally amazing.

Brad/Ray Day is Done by ama Given the canon that Generation Kill takes place in I think it's natural for there to be fics where someone is killed in action and this one is amongst my favourites. It follows Ray during Brad's funeral, giving us the perspective of the one left behind. It's beautifully written and painful to read, as I think it should be. If you like MCD fics I also strongly reccomend in ceremonium which goes for a slightly different premise but is equally amazing. (Much more upbeat is At the End of Your Life, You're Lucky if You Die, which is a Brad/Nate MCD fic with supernatural elements, but also really enjoyable).

Feel Like I'm Fixin to Die by codswallop Ray's got some psychic abilities in a world where this isn't unheard of, and where obviously the military is interested in that kind of resource. I think what I really like about it is that it mixes the added supernatural element with canon really well, and that the resulting conflict and resolution between Brad and Ray feels convincing. Another fic that's got Ray struggling because of supernatural abilities/mutations is Short Change Heroes, although I think the similarities between the two end just about here. It's still another good fic though.

it's time for a switcheroo by lennynards A body swap fic taking place during OIF, which is definitely very poor timing for these things. This one's really well executed and funny though. It also forced me to think hard about whether I'd fuck myself or not, if given the opportunity.

Misc. Pairings Remedial Action (Trombley/Walt) by paintstroke Not a pairing I'd ever given much thought to before, but I think it's great when an author wanders off the beaten path. What I really liked in this was Trombley's voice and how it feels like the guy we see in the show while also taking the necessary steps of going a little deeper to turn him from a caricature into more of a character of his own.

You and I Both Know that the House Is Haunted (Christeson/Stafford) by marycontraire Kid fics aren't usually my thing, but this fic makes excellent use of a character in Stafford's daughter to provide an outsider POV that really elevates the story. It's a fic that's maybe more about PTSD than romance, but I still found that it strikes a good balance. If you want something more ship-focused, then the author's also written a prequel of sorts which is also great.