#I just especially want my fellow trans men/mascs to know about this

[your-local-timespace-explorer]

fellow uterus-havers. fellow monthly-bleeding-havers. do yourselves a favor. buy a menstrual cup. thank me later. holy shit. I got the Honey Pot and I’ve just had this thing for a day and like, where tf have you been all my life. I’d imagine it’s probably easier to put in and remove if you’re not a virgin but it fits like a tampon so idk one of the best parts is that the risk of TSS with a cup is so much drastically lower than a tampon it’s practically nonexistent (bc the good ones are made of medical-grade silicon), so you can wear it overnight common advice is to leave the thing in for a max of 12hrs but that’s less bc of TSS risk and more bc that’s the usual maximum capacity before it starts overflowing and it functions on suction seal, not absorbency, so once it’s in there, you’re good to go (I always have tampons leak on me well before they’re full) and also bc it’s silicon and just holds the blood instead of absorbing it, there’s no risk of taking it out too early and feeling like you’ve just ripped out your entire guts through your vag and it has a shelf-life of like 10yrs if you take care of it properly—I will literally no longer have a cycle to contain before I need to replace it there is a bit of a learning curve to put it in correctly (I recommend doubling up with a pad until you get the hang of it), and taking it out is a bit of an ordeal in my (in)experience, and you’re gonna want to have a sink within reach to rinse the thing off before putting it back in, but really, c’mon

no more sleeping-on-your-cycle anxiety

no more scrambling for pads/tampons bc you forgot to buy them (and choking on the price tags bc uterus tax is some bullshit)

no more stinky

no more rushing to the bathroom in the middle of your shift/class/sporting event/whatever else you’re doing bc you’re pretty sure your product of choice is leaking

no more constantly having to manage the damn thing over the course of your day

(for us cisn'ts) no more 'going to the bathroom is even more of a nightmare when your blood moon is up than it is normally'

literally set-it-and-forget-it type blood moon hygiene, I am obsessed

[gayhenrycreel]

what the fuck is wrong with this community?

why is there a requirement of trans men being subs? combined with the demonization of surgery, this cuntboy fetish thing kinda hurts. i never see any appreciation for, like... any dicks on men. unless said man is skinny, but also muscular to the point that im concerned for his mental health.

there are two (2) types of gay men allowed in the queer community: hairy muscular masculine cis man, and objectified "trans man" who is always white, fem, has no body hair at all, and is treated as a woman in every way. also he has to have a misgendering kink. its a requirement.

this would be fine if there was ANYTHING ELSE ALLOWED.

even irl i don't know any masc queer people at all. i feel very alone. does the queer community hate masculinity? i dont want to go into a relationship if its expected that im fine with being a submissive woman. i dont want to have sex before phalloplasty.

i go into a queer space (any space, irl or online) and everyone is talking about makeup and offering me some and calling me "girl" and theres this idea that men are evil. theres nothing wrong with femininity but radical feminism is never okay. the last queer space i was in irl had this one person who made jokes about how men suck and EVERYONE AGREED WITH HER.

everytime they have an event people offer me makeup and I GET CALLED A GIRL AGAIN.

even worse, the fucking coordinator tried to convince me to preserve my fucking egg cells after i said i want my entire reproductive system removed and stomped on. then she called me "girl".

and i said i didnt like makeup but people just said "are you sure?" like i dont know what makes me suicidally dysphoric.

i cant go into a space for people like me without my gender expression being questioned.

its bizarre that a cishet doctor would listen to me more about my sexual autonomy than a fellow trans person who says i might change my mind about HAVING A WHOLE FUCKING PERSON GROWING INSIDE ME. i have panic attacks about that. i have nightmares. and then she said i should still consider having sex, and when i said i don't want to she told me ill "meet the right person one day". i have a medical condition that makes penetration EXTREMELY painful, and when i try other holes i cant fucking feel anything, and no i dont like being pressured into sex because, shockingly, im not interested in getting raped.

i wont even consider sex until i get every surgery i can get. i just want a relationship that never goes past cuddles. i wish people would consider that i want to be a cis man, especially after ive already said thats what i want.

the cis people in my life always respect my gender. a lot of trans people in my life call me "girl" and tell me shit like "youll get to a point mentally where you dont need surgery to be happy".

i actually had someone say that to me. i said that not having t and surgery makes me suicidal, and they just told me i dont need it. then they said surgery is not necessary, even though ive wanted it for longer than i knew it was an option.

(dont worry gaylord and twobruhsinahottub im not talking about you)

[transmascpetewentz]

I really want to know, why does it bother you so much that there are cis gay men in the world who do not want to have sex with afab people? it triggers your dysphoria and makes you feel bad, I gather that much, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t entitled to their sexual boundaries.

especially when there are countless posts made by gay people that are talking about same sex attraction that get dog piled by trans people feeling excluded, when they just are inherently excluded from some peoples sexual attraction.

gender and sex are different yes? and sexuality is based on sex. this seems to be something we disagree on. trans men are men, they have the right to live as themselves and transition, but they are still trans. not everyone is going to be sexually attracted to them, or have them included in their sexuality, especially people who are single sex attracted. I want to know what’s transphobic about this.

your crusade to get cis people to accept any genitals in a partner is actively driving a wedge in the lgbt community, I would like to understand your perspective beyond “this makes my dysphoric, I feel excluded, therefore I will create the term TEHM and make these people into villains on tumblr.com”

I ask this out of curiosity, I am interested to hear what your takes are in one place since it’s hard to find your whole POV across multiple posts. We don’t agree and probably won’t ever agree, but I hope you can see where I’m coming from and I hope I can do the same for you.

I was going to delete this ask, but this is the most politely that one of you has come into my inbox. I don't have the energy to write up anything that long about the subject but I'll try my best.

As I have stated many, many times, I don't care if an individual cis gay man doesn't date or fuck trans men. I really don't. The problem arises when cis gay men claim that they cannot be attracted to trans men, or that their supposed lack of attraction to us makes us any less male or any less gay.

A cis gay man making a blanket statement about never wanting to date/fuck a trans man in specific is like an allistic person loudly proclaiming that they would never date/fuck an autistic person, or a white person saying they would never be with a POC. While their individual choices don't matter, their "preferences" reveal that they are bigots.

"Trans men are men" is incompatible with the idea that gay men cannot be attracted to us. Hell, I'm a gay man, and I love my fellow trans men. If a gay man truly sees trans men as men, he will have the capacity to be attracted to us. The idea that sexuality is based on sex can be easily debunked by many examples of cis gay men dating and fucking trans men, as well as the fact that we have documented evidence of so-called "I'm only attracted to biological males!!!" type of men unknowingly fucking stealth trans men.

Now onto my more important point, the issue with TEHMs is not that they embarrass themselves by making a huge display about how they're so obsessed with hating boypussy, but that they try to claim that their own lack of attraction to trans men means that we should not be included in gay male spaces.

Not every cis gay man is going to be included in the attraction of every other cis gay man, but we don't see fem4fem cis gays claiming that masc cis gays don't belong in our spaces, do we? But because trans men are treated like shit even by other queer people, no one comes to defend us.

And as for posts that talk about "same sex attraction" being dogpiled by trans people, yeah, they deserved that. Gay trans men and transfem lesbians experience homophobia, and the vast majority of experiences that TEHMs call "SSA experiences" apply to us. Gay trans men are a very diverse group of people with very different experiences and daily lives from each other.

I also did not coin "TEHM." It was coined in 2017 by another Tumblr user who I don't remember the username of.

And before you go "but what about cis gay men who are trans allies who just aren't attracted to them 🥺" and to that I say, please show me someone. I have yet to meet a cis gay man who claims to have a genital preference or who says he would never fuck boypussy, who is also a trans ally. They all end up going mask off immediately. And so many of them try and make their subconscious biases that make them believe trans men are unattractive my problem.

It's true that we probably won't ever agree on this, especially if you're cis. If you're trans, I wish you the best of luck overcoming your internalized transphobia, and my blog will be waiting for you when that time comes. You seem to misunderstand the problem that I and other gay trans men have with TEHMs, and it comes from the bias that we're just entitled women who want to fuck gay men.

Obviously, when a gay trans man calls out bigotry, he can't ever have a point 🙄 it must just be someone refusing to play along with his fetish! (sarcasm)

[trash-and-trash-accessories]

I don't want to be an alarmist. I don't want to run around screaming "the sky is falling" all the time.

But that's who and what I am.

I'm a queer Jewish anarchist living in a red state.

And it's time to start screaming.

There WILL be another far-right coup attempt in 2024. And with 6 supreme court seats and a house speaker, it will likely succeed.

With the courts packed, no military coup is required. An electoral coup utilizing the courts can, has, and likely will happen in the US. They have been preparing for this.

If this far-right coup is successful, we are looking at a ramping up of the already in-progress genocide which begins with queer people but will likely ramp up against the Latino community specifically, Jews, and other marginalized communities.

What can we do?

Well, the things that can be done at this point I can't say online. The short answer is, a full-blown people's revolution. Which is unlikely.

Joining activist groups already working on this will help, joining or founding mutual aid networks is vital, organizing and involving yourself in your local queer community in person, not just online, and getting involved in activism that way. Fighting and involving yourself in local politics - school boards, sheriffs, city council - can help keep your city safe. If this means running, backing candidates, or showing up to every school board meeting making sure these assholes don't win their censorship fights, do it.

National elections obviously matter, but regardless of who wins this election, the far-right is in position to steal it and overthrow the government anyway. It's very likely they will at least try, and probably succeed. They spent years packing the courts for this moment.

As long as our current supreme court members are alive and in office, we are in immense danger.

In the meantime, just about everyone in our communities needs to have a plan in place to get the fuck out of AT LEAST their conservative state, IDEALLY the country.

Flee the country

It can takes months to renew a passport, if you will need to in the next few years, do it now. US passports are self-ID, make the best choice for your safety, whatever that is.

Countries that offer the longest tourist visas (temporary, but get you in fast and some can be as many as 180 days)

See if you can transfer to another country at your workplace, if that's a thing you can do.

Make sure you are fully vaccinated as required by the places you are considering fleeing. Some countries require more/different vaccines than the US.

If leaving the country will be impossible, make connections with people in blue states and try to get there, or prepare to stand your ground and defend yourself and your community. I know most of my fellow Appalachians will be standing our ground. They can pry Appalachia from our dead queer hands. They can try.

Can't leave? Hide or Fight.

Stock up on your medications. Trans femmes have an easier time with this, you can have your cis women friends get a script for spiro via a dermatologist "for hormonal acne", and older women in your circle can easily get estrogen scripts "for menopause". These are also available online more readily, but be careful. Trans mascs may need to have cis men in their lives get t scripts, or take a lower dose of what's prescribed, then when your bloodwork is low, get a higher script than what you need and stockpile. This is medication fraud, and a crime. T is a controlled substance. But do what you gotta do.

Stock up on birth control methods, plan b, and abortion pills if you need them. These will likely be banned. You can get a long-term implant now, or get an additional birth control prescription via an online pharmacy, in addition to the one you are already using to create a stockpile.

Get medical training. Stop The Bleed is available online, for everyone, for free. EMT basic is widely available and relatively affordable.

Get armed, if you can. This especially applies to people running rural queer communes, as is popular in my region. We've all read Parable of the Talents (I hope), they will come for you. Arm, train, and fortify. Develop connections outside your commune who will worry about you if you suddenly go out of contact. You're not safe because you're rural and growing your own food. When they come, you want to at least take them with you.

Save, download, stockpile queer literature, queer websites, and resources that may be destroyed. A lot of people download the entirety of wikipedia. Scrubbing queer content from society will start once the far-right have taken over. That process has already begun on a smaller scale.

Join preexisting activist groups already working against these people, regardless of whether they are specifically queer-focused or not. Building in-person, offline connections will be vital. Information control will be the norm. Online organizing may become impossible.

If necessary and possible, scrub your online information, go deep in the closet, and wait it out. This is impossible for most of us, but it was a valid strategy for a lot of queer people and other minorities during the Holocaust. A lot of people survived by pretending to be something they weren't and simply waiting it out, obfuscating and working against the fascists when they could, and surviving to tell the story. Not everyone is a revolutionary. This often involved lesbian couples marrying gay men. Temporary detransition, and simply laying low. Fascist states fall eventually.

[balloontoy]

Hi! I’m Sprout!! I’m 21, trans masculine, t4t and use he/they/it pronouns>:) I’m autistic and disabled, but don’t think that means I can’t fuck good. Welcome to my horny transgender blog!! Sub bottom f@g toy<3 (just a disclaimer i chose the user because i fucking love five nights at freddy’s,,,,, i dont like balloons except for fun and whimsy)

DNI minors, no age in bio (“18+” or “adult” are not ages!!) racists, transphobes/homophobes, fatphobes (i love my big tummy and my thick thighs!!), chasers, cisgenders (just a personal preference!! I am t4t and do not want cisgender people commenting on my body) war-enthusiasts, pro-Israel, “DNI men” blogs (I am a dude!!!! I’ve got quite the swangin hog if I do say so myself!!) You will be blocked if you don’t follow these guidelines!! It’s violating my consent!!

Loves: free use, gangbangs, somno, breeding, worshipping, edging/overstim, sensory play (especially blindfolded!!!), degradation (please be mean to me it gets my dick so hard), praise, rope play/restriction, dp/tp, (to be continued lol), body writing, nipple play, begging (i’d do it all day!!), exhibition, cockwarming

Likes: public play, hypnosis, rough play, water sports, pet play, service topping, intox, piss control :)

No’s: ageplay, impreg, forced masc, fauxcest, scat, feederism, detrans, inflation

Names you can call me!! Fag/faggot, toy, slut, whore, cumdump, cumslut, any creative thing related to these things!! Also always feel free to ask me if I’m game for a different name and I’d love to answer you:)

I’ll be reblogging text scenarios and my fellow hot people, but also posting pictures of myself:) send me any asks/dms and I would love to answer them!!

Let me know if you jerked off to me:)

Poly and partnered!

Will be starting an onlyfans for things that timglr will snipe me for posting, but I’m only one boy!! Send me any asks/dms for any suggestions:) And if you wanna buy me anything to use/wear then just send me a dm and we’ll work it out! I’m sure I’d love whatever you send me🥺

So far my tags are:

#me - pictures/videos of me!

#🦟 - thinking about my partner critter <3

#zzz - somno!!

#teehee - piss control!!

[akunya]

forgive my ignorance, I know this is a male reader blog but why can't fem-aligned people interact at all?

all is well dear! i'm open to answering anything and everything. you're welcome in my inbox anytime.

i realized this got a bit long so i'm going to put it under read more. if you want any clarification on this, please ask!

personally, from my own experiences on this site, a lot of my male reader fics (and just male reader fics in general) are constantly fetishized by fem-aligned people. the gross asks ive received or even tags in the comments along the lines of: "mlm stories are so hot, its better when its gay, etc". even things that are just so obviously fetishizing (ex: fujos, yaoi, but honestly thats a bit of a grey area: im sure we all have an idea of who im talking about in mind when i say fujos who fetishize actual gay men vs. people who like BL). i've seen instances where people ask for trans m readers, just because they don't see trans men as men, making it (in their eyes) a fem reader fic.

i make content for my fellow masc-aligned people simply because theres barely anything for us out there. i want to write male readers exclusively since theres so little for masc readers to enjoy, NOT for fem-aligned people to fetishize. i write my silly little stories so me and the boys can have a giggle.

also, i constantly get asks asking why i don't do fem readers, and to put it simply, my content isn't for you. especially with y/n fics, its very predominantly fem-reader, and while there isn't anything wrong with that - i would like to somehow try to balance it out with my fair share of masc-readers. silly little self insert fics should be for everyone to enjoy. i would simply prefer if fem-aligned people didn't exactly interact with my posts because of past harassment. from weird fetishizing asks, tags, and requests, it just makes me uncomfortable. i want to reiterate i have nothing against fem-aligned people, authors, or fics.

now, i don't comb through or check every person that interacts with me. i simply don't have the time. i can't stop you if you are fem-aligned and silently read my fics. i'm not out to witch hunt or start calling out authors for writing fem readers. thats ridiculous and not my point at all. i am truly just a silent author who posts every once in a while, and would love not to be jumpscared with the most bizarre fetishizing messages in my askbox.

its a bit of a rare policy, so i understand the confusion and questions. thats okay! asking questions is how we can all learn. i still have so much to learn, too. i am very lenient with lots of these things, so as long as you're respectful you can send asks and what not even if you are fem-aligned. but please: respect my rules, preferences, and the content i make.

tldr: no fem-aligned because of past harassment, but im not strict about it so i dont really care if you interact. just be a decent human being.

[coopercheat]

KENERGY: The calm, cool, collected masculine confidence.

Balance in the divine masculine that embraces the boy, the daddy, and the sage.

Accepting others for who and how they are by not placing your expectations on them or writing their stories for them.

Listening to others and taking action. But recognizing what you’re good at and celebrating and sharing it, but more importantly recognizing what OTHERS are better at letting them do what they do best, celebrating them along the way.

Listening to and making our Barbie’s plans come to life by working together, keeping Barbie Land alive & thriving.

Being assertive and actually listening, not forcing your view and expectations but seeing and hearing others possibilities, and building up together.

Decentering yourself and following Barbie’s lead realizing that what’s good for we is good for me.

*If you’ve seen Barbie you understand what toxic KENERGY is, especially as guys are isolated like so many guys are today.

——

If a Ken is the ideal guy, a Chad, a Masc/Musc dude, most guys have a love/hate envy of the Kens. Most of us guys are Alans, the othered guys, the nerds, the soft guys, the f*gs, who are made to feel less than for not being the patriarchal stereotype. First and foremost, there is nothing wrong, bad, or less than about being an Alan. We all have an Alan and Ken side to us (and Barbie side too!) that we can use to genuinely connect with others. The patriarchal systems at play, however, have pitted guys against each other and even worse, against women and femininity, shoveling responsibilities onto us that we don’t actually want in a patriarchal world we didn’t consent to taking part in.

I know firsthand just how beautiful the world is when women lead and men follow - thank you to the matriarchs of my family, the matriarchs of my professional life (@SamJung @robyngreen at @StGermainDrinks, @drinksat6 & @IvyMix at @Speed_Rack and now happily in an entirely women led company at @ArcherRooseWines - I’m 1/2 guys!). The common thread I experienced was the practice of “what’s good for everyone is good for me,” which is why we all flourished.

————

My personal Barbie Land is in NYC, and specifically the LGBTQ community. It’s a magnificent prism of beauty, love, strength and power, the flowing spirit between the femme, masc and queer energies.

But to my fellow gay and queer men - we’ve been creating safe spaces for ourselves but by doing so leaving the Barbies and Dolls behind - it’s time to tap into our KENERGY to support the lesbians (masters of KENERGY), the femmes, and the real dolls - our trans siblings- so they can lead the charge within the LGBTQ community. We can all work together to make their magic happen. Let’s practice shine theory to shine our light on what they’re saying and doing. Let’s use our funds not just for put our funds and time towards the mutual aid networks and community-based organizations, not just nightlife and parties, strengthening our rainbow connections. Our Barbie Land is better when we center the folks who truly understand community and have the best abilities and ideas to lead, and we can all have fun while we do it.

————

What we can especially do is support the straight men in our lives, our fellow Kens. There are so many guys who are doing things right and need that love and affirmation from other guys. Check in on the new fathers to make sure they’re ok too! Send your dad flowers. Tell your brothers you love them. Share love with your guys too.

Similarly, it’s time to call in the Kens who lost their way from the joy and wonder of Barbie Land and whose heads are being filled with evil from Fox News and the likes of Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson and Elon Musk. People are products of their surroundings, so we can be the voice of reason for them.

They want to be loved, paid attention to and understood about the pain and loneliness they’re dealing with, but unfortunately society doesn’t set men up for success with processing emotions, communication, and pain. Why do you think mansplaining is such a thing - guys are really only taught how to share facts and knowledge. I’m dealing with all of this personally with the biggest Ken in my life, the man who took me to get Barbies during every visit, my own dad.

————

The best part is we no longer need to be afraid of the other guys in our lives. We aren’t in high school anymore and guys actually like us and want in on our fun too. We just have to meet them at their level, dropping the “already annoyed” reactions to their presence and relate to guys as guys, people as people. The sassy mean girl attitudes we mimic with our girlfriends don’t connect well with dudes. We’re great at being sassy sisters, but how good can we bond with our brothers?

Decentering ourselves and our previous anxieties will create a genuine connection. We THRIVE with our girlies’s boyfriends and husbands. We vibe with our male colleagues. We share workout tips with the gym bros who admire our physiques. We especially do it with each other at the late night pool parties in Fire Island.

————

Guys across the spectrum want buddies, but patriarchy isolates us and pits us against each other, making us feel like we are responsible to do EVERYTHING by ourselves. This prevents us from showing love, care and support for each other because we’re trying to be “better than” everyone else. Let’s be buddies and build each other up because standing by in the shadows has led us to the violent, patriarchal, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic world we live in now. Do we really want this? Is our patriarichal power worth this? Our KENERGY will change that.

Bring that man-bonding, the teamwork, the healthy masculinity, the KENERGY and lead by example connecting with other guys to help make Barbie Land a reality, Barbies, Ken’s, and everyone in between #Kenergy

————

Side note: I am not saying not to be yourself, if you’re Alan, be Alan! We love Alan - but just know you are enough and can tap into whichever energies, whichever sides of yourself to authentically interact with others. Be the Ken/Alan/Barbie/Midge/Weird Barbie that you needed as a kid and share that magic with others. We’re experiencing a paradigm shift, and if we keep sitting back in the shadows letting toxic masculinity run rampant, the patriarchs will do everything they can to maintain power and control of society. If we don’t do it with those closest to us, then who will? If not now, when? We gotta be active participants in our experience and make the world into what we know it can be.

————

Ps guys: the movie was PERFECT. Gay/straight and everything in between - we gotta recognize that we are not centered in the movie and that’s the point. Actually pay attention to the messages in the movie about how much more fun Barbie Land is when the Barbie’s lead and we all work together to bring that reality to life. Understand the effects of patriarchy on Barbie Land, the Ken’s, and on Alan. Decenter yourself and your opinion and listen to what women are saying about the movie and furthermore life. Once you’ve actually listened, asked clarifying questions and actually understand her POV, then engage on your thoughts. Because they likely have shifted once you’ve listened. And that’s the goal.

[prismatoxic]

if there is one thing i really hate, it's queer people pitting themselves against each other. my least favorite/most fucking beloathed example is trans men being pitted against trans women and vice versa.

if you feel the need to explain "most" trans men or trans women as behaving a certain way (usually negative), you are encouraging a divide between those two identities. i do not care what bad experiences you have had with some binary trans people--if you are trying to generalize one or the other as being worse, you are the fucking problem.

i usually see it against trans men, but as a trans man myself i am more sensitive to that specific derision and probably notice it more than i notice anything else. one weird thing i saw very recently however is someone claiming that people are saying "most trans women are/were transmeds", which... is just patently false? and a weird insult to levy at trans women.

i was a transmed for several years in my late teens/early 20s. most of us were trans men, with a handful of cis people thrown in. (yeah, i see the issue with that now. hindsight.) the person who coined the term "tucute", to combat transmed ideology, was a trans woman. (the term came from how we had "reclaimed" the term truscum, which was our main label until someone came up with transmedicalist.)

now, we all know transmeds are bad. however in the thick of things, at the time, the tucutes actually were not behaving better. it was very Trans Women vs Trans Men. do you know how often me and the other guys i knew got "shrimpdick" levied at us? the coiner of tucute was a HUGE part of that, but everyone who liked her or was friends with her was pretty much just as bad. this was very specifically two ideologies at war, but almost all of the people involved made it about our identities instead. none of us were in the right on that front.

transmed ideology is wrong, i agree. however, attacking the people espousing a certain ideology for their personal identities is never fucking okay! ESPECIALLY in queer spaces! you cannot base your fucking argument on how someone identifies their gender. you cannot.

what drives me the most bonkers about the whole thing is how often it is based on the idea that men are bad, in general. not only is this not true (the patriarchy is bad, the men At The Top are bad, this does not filter down to every fucking average joe on the street), but you straight up cannot generalize the trans experience that way. you can't! identifying as a man or even just as masc does not make you fucking evil. it does not predispose you to a certain way of thinking or behaving. that's radfem shit.

we know, by now, that infighting is the tool of the oppressor, don't we? TERFs and conservatives want to divide and conquer, and the more we fight, the more we try to claim our identity is The Superior One, the easier it is to take us down. i am begging everyone to try and see fellow queer people as worthy of protection, no matter what label they choose.

we have to stop relying on sweeping generalizations in our arguments. we have to stop alienating people who are not Exactly Like Us. the people who want us dead see us all as the same brand of degenerate, and trying to pick a side amongst ourselves is not going to convince them otherwise.

i want to make it clear that i am in no way trying to exclude anyone who lies outside the gender binary; i just see this gender infighting the most on that binary. but, if you have your own experiences with any of this, i'd love to hear it. these are just my personal thoughts and i am by far not an authority.

[supersanderman]

Musicals and Gender Identity

My friends and I have been able to bond over a variety of things and one of them is musical theatre. I was a theatre kid growing up, although I had a very shitty director who treated his students like garbage, including me. I was only cast in two shows, blamed for breaking a spotlight he broke, lied to, and manipulated and it made me never want to do theatre again. But there’s something about Broadway and being able to blast a good musical number that makes all of your problems go away. And Broadway in particular also has been able to tackle some of the most pressing issues and themes in some of the best ways possible. One of my favorite shows is Rent with its rock style of music and deep themes such as living with HIV/AIDS, much of its songs like the titular title song “Rent” and “La Vie Boheme” act as commentary on the world and its priorities. Two lines in the show from the song “Finale B” hit very close to home, “Forget, regret, or life is yours to miss,” and “Give in to love or live in fear.” I have sometimes let the past dictate my life and I feel that now as I write this I continue to fight my past instead of growing and facing it. This especially comes through in grappling with my own queer identity, as for so long I didn’t know what I identified as, and my learning so late in life makes me question myself. Even now with my demi boy or masc-leaning non-binary identity, I still continue to question and wonder if I am satisfied with who I am. As for giving in to love, well, I think people need to look around. Drag shows and trans youth aren’t going to be the death of people. Guns are. Yet with republican lawmakers, many are willing to live in fear because they aren’t willing to give in to the principle of love and care for fellow humans. I especially despise when people use the bible as a means of going against LGBTQ youth, because religious freedom doesn’t mean the freedom to impose your religion onto others. There is a song from the musical “The Prom” which satarizes the idea of using the bible as a means to be anti-LGBTQ, insisting the rule that trumps the others in the bible is “Love Thy Neighbor.” Other LGBTQ musicals I love are Falsettos which focuses on queer relationships and HIV/AIDS in New York while also focusing on toxic masculinity and family dynamics and Kinky Boots which follows a failing shoe factory which switches to making boots for drag queens to stay in business. In Kinky Boots, the part of Lola was originally played by Billy Porter who I absolutely love. Other musicals such as Strange Loop which just opened focus on intersectionality and looks into the experience of a queer black individual. While I personally have not seen the show, I have heard nothing but rave reviews. I am also a sucker for Hamilton, which has a primarily POC cast. I personally missed broadway during COVID and feared that the pandemic would be the death of theatre. I saw Beetlejuice in fall and it was the first show I had seen in almost 3 years, and it was absolutely incredible. And even that show wasn’t afraid to poke fun at political and social issues. It was so refreshing to see a show after so many years of missing live theatre, and it has continued to inspire me to want to write my own show, potentially based around my own experiences. 

Speaking of my own experiences, it's finally time to detail the last piece of my identity. To start I have always felt that I didn’t fit the male gender, due to my being the complete opposite of certain stereotypes and typical traits. I never really felt that I was truly male, but I also never really felt truly non-binary. I felt that occasionally I felt more like a guy but other days I felt more gender-neutral. I didn’t know how to place my feelings until one day when a person in my section said some extremely sexist things and I finally went to my big and said, at this moment, I just don’t feel like a man, I don’t like men, and I don’t want to associate my gender with them because it's not me. They directed me to a new micro-label, demi boy, somewhere in the grey zone between male and nonbinary. I now feel so free, as some of my friends use they/them pronouns when referring to me. I definitely now feel more comfortable in my own skin, and I feel more masc-leaning nonbinary now more than anything, although I’m still comfortable with demi boy. I’ve realized more than ever that gender is fluid, and I have lived through that fluidity. It’s a beautiful thing really, and I’m thankful for finding an identity that fits me. 

[the-gay-trashmouth]

I feel like Everytime I see a post about being a lesbian it's either made by a terf or it's someone being really negative towards lesbians, both in the name of woke-ness and not. Honestly Im so fucking tired. I just wanna have community with fellow lesbians because there is something so isolating about it that would take forever to explain but all I find are tërfs and/or people telling me all the problems with lesbians, some of which aren't even issues with just lesbians but all sapphics and they just specifically call out lesbians, and it's just so. Isolating.

I'm tired of being in spaces that revolve around men. I'm tired of being told that sexuality is fluid or being shit on by other queer people because the word lesbian has gained such a negative connotation. I'm tired of being told sexuality is fluid and I shouldn't feel so connected to a label because it's just fucking not for me. I tried to like men, I tried to so hard but I fucking can't. And I never will. And I know that's okay but I feel like such a fucking broken machine when I say it. I love my fellow queer people, and I love that they love men. I love their healthy relationships with them and I love healthy/non toxic masculinity. I love queer men who march arm and arm with us. I do, but it's an experience I will never relate to and it just. Sucks sometimes being the only lesbian in a group of queer friends when you just can't fucking relate to them and you know they can't relate to you in a lot of ways.

Idk. this went on for a while. Just, if you're a lesbian, especially trans masc or femme/butch/ he/him, they/them or neopronoun using lesbian, please interact. Reblog this or suggest fellow lesbians I can follow. I just. I want community. I desperately don't wanna feel alone anymore. I want to feel like I'm not alone in my identity and I want some fucking positive rep for lesbians. I'm tired of just being reduced to cold bitches and tërfs, because I know that it's a fucking vibrant community. I just wanna be able to fucking see it.

(I am a they/he zi/zir butch lesbian with a genderfluid boyfriend/partner. any and all tërfs will be blocked and put on a list so that no one has to fucking deal with you. This post is not for you, I love trans wlw and I extra love trans lesbians, whether they be trans masc or trans femme, and all trans lesbians own my entire soul. Fuck off and fall down some stairs thanks)

[transmasc-akihiko]

ayo new transman on the scene 🎉

y'all can call me akihiko or aki, im a binary trans dude out for 7 years, he/him or it/its only. im stealth on my main account due to dysphoria, but with all the shit goin down recently i wanted to get involved in boosting my community and standing up for my fellow trans folks, masc, fem, neutral, or otherwise.

some things for y'all to know:

i am 18+ and ask that any minors following me do not interact with posts marked #nsft (not safe for tumblr).

i believe transandrophobia is very real, as firsthand experience it. trans men and transmasculine people speaking about our experiences does not take away from the voices and experiences of transfeminine people, and neither perspective is less important or less worthy of discussion.

transfeminine people and nonbinary people are our friends, siblings (literally in my case), and allies.

i do not pass in real life and face both misogyny and transphobia. i believe trans men do not have any meaningful access to male privilege under patriarchy, even those of us who "pass" 100% of the time (which is subjective), because any privilege a trans man may receive is subject to being revoked upon being outed. many, if not all of us have experienced misogyny in our lives as well.

i am very dysphoric, both socially and physically, but i believe non-dysphoric trans folks are very valid and are just as much their gender as i and my fellow dysphoric trans folks are.

im gay and t4c (trans 4 cis, aka mostly attracted to cis men). this is a preference only and does not indicate how i feel about other trans men's identities as men.

i am radically inclusive of all queer folks, including but not limited to aro and ace spectrum people, bi people, pan people, omni people, polysexual people, polyamorous people, she/her gays and he/him lesbians, gnc people, mogai labels, and mspec gay/lesbian/straight people.

i am against all radfem ideology, even "trans inclusive" radfems, and i believe that calling all men toxic/bad and implying that attraction to men is inferior is very dangerous and harmful to trans, queer, neurodivergent, otherwise marginalized men and men of color.

i am very neurodivergent myself (autism, adhd, ocd) and do not believe any mental illness or neurodivergency makes anyone automatically a bad person, including stigmatized personality disorders such as bpd, npd, and aspd.

i am very pro-kink. i won't talk about ship discourse here but just know i do not judge nor harrass anyone, especially not for fiction.

anon is off for the time being but feel free to drop me a line if you wanna chat! i like anime, video games, and kdrama. ^^

[forclosetedtransboys]

Uh, so, I'm a closed trans boy. I do not want to come out to anyone yet, and my gender dysphoria is getting really bad and it's harming my mental health. How can I look and feel like a man?

There are many ways to be able to pass as a man, and many ways to - as you put it - make yourself “feel like a man.” First, however, I’m going to give you a little piece of wisdom:

- you ARE a man. You know this, because you’ve come to me. So, as far as how you can ‘feel like a man,’ you’re already there. You just need to let go of society’s expectations - easier said than done. But, as a fellow trans man, I understand why you may not feel the way you want to feel and I will discuss that in this post. But, masculinity comes in many shapes and forms. Trans people especially know that conforming to society’s gender roles isn’t the only option, even though it can be difficult to process. You don’t have to be a stereotype to be a man. Men who paint their nails and like dresses are manly as hell. Men who wear suits and makeup are manly as hell. Men who do physical labour or don’t care about their clothes are manly as hell.  Crying doesn’t make anyone less manly, neither does discussing feelings. Not having a flat chest or a penis or a y chromosome doesn’t make you any less manly, either. Masculinity doesn’t just have one definition.

But I can do my best to help you figure out what masculinity means to you, and how to help you feel like the man that you are.

Let’s begin with passing.

There are many different things that trans masc can do to make themselves pass - be perceived as male. This can include:

- binding (safely using crop tops, sports bras, official binders, etc) to give the chest a flat appearance

- makeup to give the face a more angular look with harder lines

- clothing. Especially in today’s fashion industry, there are massive differences in male versus female clothes. Shorts from the female section on on average are extremely shorter than from the male section, same with how the tops are cut (female sectioned shirts are taken in at the waist and with shorter sleeve lengths and different necklines). So, using unisex or ‘male’ clothes can help someone look more androgynous or masculine.

- mannerisms. There are studies on the difference between male and female body language, and knowing these differences can help when you want to pass as a specific gender.

- body hair. Growing out leg hair, armpit hair or whatever you’re comfortable with if you haven’t before can make a lot of trans boys feel like they’re distancing themselves from who they were before. I could rant all day about how ridiculous the stigma about body hair on AFAB people is, but I digress.

Surrounding yourself by other trans men or non-binary people can help in affirming your gender or making you feel like the man that you are, because it’s always helpful to see people who have accepted themselves, knowing that you can do that, too.

If this isn’t physically possible (understandable especially due to covid), you can find online forums or just websites where trans masc people share their stories. I know it can make people feel less alone, which is so incredibly important, especially at the start when people first realise they’re “different” to what they always thought they were. 

Please let me know if you’d like me to elaborate on any points, I’m happy to compile step by step guides for any of the passing tips or give any forum recommendations.

Stay safe!

- Ty

[jusadode-blog]

BNHA Cannon Trans Peeps (Masc,Fem, and NB)

(Warning, this is actually not as happy of a situation as we’d like it to be)

Please note, this is a mild critique of the presentation of transgender people in BNHA, but do know that I do not believe this was done with malicious intent. Do I think it’s offensive to not just some but many? Yes. Do I think it’s inherently wrong what has been done? No. Do I think there could have been better methods to portray these peeps? Fuck yeah I do.

I think that BNHA may have actually depicted far more complex gender identities then most would dare to attempt, even at the risk (and definitively achieving) offensive status. Unfortunately this’ll probably happen a lot more, especially as we become more aware of lesser-represented populations and attempt to make them feel visible.

TW Warnings: Canon trans-death, possible fetishization, possible caricature. Images are used.

So I just found out one of my favorite characters is actually a trans dude, and I’m super hype because honestly when I saw him I made a joke that he was my transition goals. However, I recognize many fellow trans men might feel extremely uncomfortable. Apparently he transitioned in Thailand though??? I wish there was page numbers available to read the direct quotes around it. This dude and and the gender-neutral/androgynous/nonbinary character 13 is super fucking awesome to me, however I came to find that Magne, the villian who is super masculine and generally gross looking, is actually an untransitioned (and even probably closeted) trans woman.

Magne’s article was super triggering to read, and seems to have literally been a victim of vandalism shortly before I wrote this (masc pronouns were used at the top of the article but not the bottom, but refreshing it showed femmine pronouns throughout) Although in theory the concept of a trans villain isn’t really a bad thing (especially with two trans heroes who are extremely powerful), her design is very problematic as well as the fact she’s the only trans woman visible so far, and majority of transphobia affects transwomen the worst.

Plus, Magne’s design is INCREDIBLY ugly looking (namely due to the facial hair and lip design, as well as over exaggerated features on the face during close shots.). This could be a method to show how trans-femmine peeps may over compensate masculinity while in the closet, but may not. Either way, Magne’s death now comes as a far more triggering thing for me, as seeing her never being able to transition hits me in the guts. Most trans dudes might not like Tiger’s design due to his feminine outfit, but he’s still a generally attractive guy and I personally hope to one day mimic his fashion sense. 13 on the other hand has a generally awesome design, and does not depict their assigned gender or internal presentation of their costume avoiding any assumptions. .

All in all, I still love this show and manga, but I’m very conflicted about this. I think Horikoshi did not have inherriently malicious intents, but I still feel extremely uncomfrotable with this. Maybe this was a design choice to avoid the usual Trap! transphobic cliche, as well as to depict an completely untransitioned trans person in a way to avoid people purposefully uglying her up for transphobic arguments. Maybe this was a way to depict a closeted trans person? Maybe? Maybe not.

Honestly, from what little I can find out about Horikoshi, I wonder if they might actually be LGBT theirself, since I can’t even find any definitive gender descriptions of them (the only one I found was from a site that previously purposefully misgendered a trans-femmine singer, so I do not trust it).

All in all, if these facts give you something positive, awesome! Use this to feel represented, supported, or etc. If this makes you uncomfortable, then use that feeling to explain (in a reasonable, non dickish way) that this was not what you wanted but you could see how others would still enjoy it, while also requesting your own idea of representation.

Unfortunately, we’re not going to ever really get perfect representation, and having more complicated situations of gender being depicted in short fashions can also get a bit sketchy, but we must try to take the little wins with great stride and use each lose to better describe what each of us individually would personally prefer.

[catalogueofaliens]

WHY IT’S NOT SO SIMPLE FOR ME TO CALL MYSELF A FEMINIST

TW: trans antagonism, mainstream/white/cis feminism, assault mention, mention of police, white supremacist mention, trans exclusion, erasure, cissexism, misogyny, internalised bullshit, patriarchy

[DISCLAIMER: This is my very personal take on this and something I’m still working through. I am a 28yo, white, middle-class, able-bodied, queer, trans non-binary pretty boy with mental illness and everything I say here is coming from that perspective, drag me if I overstep. TERFS not welcome tx]

When I allowed feminism into my life I was already past 21 years old. I had resisted in that way that a lot of people do – because it was uncool, because it was misconstrued as bra-burning/man-hating (things I’ve come to enjoy a lot more about it later on – certainly things I vastly prefer to the trans exclusionary, white supremacist nature of mainstream feminism). Then I started reading Tavi Gevinson’s blog and followed her over to Rookie mag and it changed me in a way that has been fundamentally important to the shape that my life has taken, largely in that it helped me to see power in things that had been robbed of their power by a patriarchal society, and in that it helped me find queer theorists and queer people online who helped me to make sense of the shit I’d been struggling to name since I was a kid. So yeah, a lot of this has been good, but I want to talk about what was bad about it, I want to highlight the ways feminism hurt me and continues to hurt me, because feminism is not every assigned female person’s saviour, and sometimes it does very real harm that cis white women don’t see, because it is only ever empowering to them, because it is designed by them and for them.

Feminism made me believe in my femme self, which is great and continues to be empowering and important for me as a non-binary person. But, it also made me suppress my masc self. Not only that, but it made me believe my masculinity, which I now see as an important and nuanced part of who I am, was merely a product of the patriarchy, and that my enactment of particular forms of masculinity (I am not here for toxic masculinity, thanks) was in fact a reflection of my oppression and a perpetuation of that very oppression. I came to believe that the boy who lives in my head was an oppressive, patriarchal implant. I came to believe that the fact that I relate so easily to male characters in books and shows (especially gentle and/or queer male characters) was a result of them being given much more airtime and being treated as the default, not because there was something about them that felt like looking in the mirror. Now, it definitely is the case that cis (white) men are given much more airtime and are treated as the default, and maybe there’s something in that that makes them easier to relate to, and yes, they tend to be given more complex characters and stuff so there is more of a range for relating, but feminism hurt me by making me believe that was all that was going on. When I literally felt like I could see my own face in a boy on TV or when my whole body ached for the cute queer kid who was figuring himself out one painful step at a time, I wasn’t just relating to a well-drawn character, I was the character. They were me. I probably will never know myself better than when I read a character I relate to.

Mainstream feminism continues to fail me. When it takes things I deal with daily and calls them women’s issues, when it erases my identity, erases my body, when it implies that my masculinity somehow exempts me from misogyny. I do not pass as a man, I get looked up and down, scrutinised daily, I have had security laugh at me before groping my chest and crotch, I’ve had a cop brandish me by the arm and ask a fellow police officer “What is this”, I exist at an intersection of gendered oppression – I am at once a woman and a trans person in how I am received, I am rejected and objectified in one glance, and yet I have literally been told that I am trying to exempt myself from the sexism that women suffer – like being a whole non-binary trans person is me checking out of being a woman, because it was just too hard. I fucking wish I was a woman, I really do. I mean, I love myself, I love who I have been able to be, and I know that my considerable privilege has helped me to be able to be myself and to love that person, but yeah, I’d take the added privilege of being a cis woman, on top of my whiteness, middle-classness, able-bodiedness, that’d be great. Mainstream feminism hurts me by continuing to make me feel like maybe my identity, my sense of self, is just an extension of an imposed patriarchal mindset, that maybe I’m not strong enough to just be a powerful woman who relishes in her femininity. I know this is wrong, and I know that patriarchy plays a major role in making me believe this, but mainstream feminism has certainly helped it along. In a lot of ways mainstream/white/cis feminism and patriarchy have been good companions over the years. The essentialism that still persists in today’s mainstream/white/cis feminism aids partriarchy and binarism beautifully. And it really fucking hurts me and it has literally killed other trans people. The question I’m struggling with is do we continue to strive for a better feminism, or do we need to look at the possibility that the ideology is too old, too harmful to do good, and find something better? The word itself is exclusionary in its erasure of non-binary and trans masc people who also deserve to be fought for. I guess I’m just tired of having to remind even feminists who openly claim to be intersectional to remember that trans people exist, that a movement that only fights for cis women is failing really marginalised people. There are so many really important critiques of feminism and how it has historically and continually erased womxn of colour and their struggles, how it overlooks the realities of people with disabilities, of fat womxn, and so many other marginalised groups. Many many trans folx have raised the issue that cis feminism is killing us. A feminism that doesn’t recognise trans womxn as womxn can rot in hell, and a feminism that ignores that non-binary people exist can follow right behind it. But I guess I’m just at a place where I’m wondering why we cling so fast to feminism at all? Is it just because it’s there? What about intersectionalism? Or something?!

Because mainstream/white/cis feminism fails other people way worse than it fails me. It is partly to blame for attacks on trans people (particularly trans people of colour, and especially trans women/femmes of colour) and it is partly to blame for so many different forms of systemic dehumanisation that persist on a daily basis. Trans and GNC people have been showing up for cis women from day one, have put our bodies on the line to advance feminist causes, and yet we’re erased and sidelined again and again, given new ways to hate ourselves by an ideology that was designed to empower, but only if you fit the right mould – cis, white, thin, able-bodied, neurotypical, straight – viva the fucking revolution, let power pass from the hands of the white man into the hands of the white woman, because there’s no blood on there, right?