#I just want a previously tiny person to be big and realize how much their big person loves them and goes out of their way for them

[hollewdz]

Part of me always longs to see size swaps of characters, or them at the same size and them both realizing how the other had been accommodating them the whole time. Big -> small? They're yelling their throat raw all of a sudden just to be heard. They're exhausted keeping up with things their small does with ease. They can not contain their fear at the least frightening size thing. Small -> big? They can Not hear their big with them so small, even though they're yelling. Constantly forgetting to whisper. they're suddenly hyper-self conscious over everything (My breath might smell? my breathing is too windy? I moved too fast?) They instinctually grab their big because "small thing small". All the mistakes. I often see the big who gets small and their perspective and their journey to empathizing with their small, but the small's realization at just how much you have to temper your impulses when you're around someone smaller, it's something I desperately want to see more of

[m0nsterqzzz]

Something Small

pairing: wanda maximoff x gn!reader

summary: you and wanda celebrate your one year anniversary, and she makes you cry. Happy tears of course.

warnings: tiny mention of death of a loved one, wanda making reader happy cry? literally just fluff

a/n: so this one means a lot to me as when I was a kid, my dad always used to play the guitar for me before I'd go to bed the same way his mother did for him. When his mom died, he stopped doing it. i was a kid so i didn't understand how much it hurt for him to even hear the sound of a guitar, but now that I'm older i understand it much more. I understand it even more now that's he's been deployed for over a year and half and even the sound of guitar makes me sad. He facetimed me the other day and played for me when he learned I was having a hard time sleeping, and i instantly burst into tears. My mom hasn't always been the best, but my dad has. So this one goes out to him even though I would rather die then show him my tumbler account. also, just rewatched the nanny diaries because scarlett johansson, and i remember how much i fucking love that movie so if you havent seen it, watch it.

song used as one dad sings because its the song my dad always sung for me: "Sweet Pea" by Amos Lee

The day you told Wanda about your childhood was the day she realized she loved you. It was weird timing but it was the way your eyes shimmered as you talked about your parents and siblings that made something inside her change. It was a look of far gone happiness, one that she wanted to make come back. You’d been dating for six months at the time, and she had recently told you about her brother and parents. “They sound like amazing people.” You’d told her, and she appreciated the way you didnt add a, “they were”. It's strange, but something breaks inside her every time someone reminds her they're dead. 

You told her you felt the same way as you told her about your father, and she’d replied with, “It’s because you love him. No matter where he is, no matter what changes in your life, that’ll never change.” She understood it in a way nobody else in your life did, the same way you understand her.

She’s never really believed in soulmates, but if they did exist, she's sure your hers. When she told you that one night as you guys were getting ready for bed, you just smiled and kissed her. You’ve known she was yours since the very beginning.

She was recently sent on a week-long mission, and she’ll be back just in time for your one year anniversary. You both agreed on getting something small for each other, so you bought her a few books she's been talking about recently and some new rings. She’s not a big jewelry person, but rings are something she cannot leave the house without putting on.

The sound of the front door opening takes your eyes away from the TV screen, and you jump up from the couch to run to her. “Wanda!” “моя любовь!” She catches you as you jump into her arms, holding you up with two arms and closing the door with her foot. You move back a bit to look her in the eyes, and it’s silent as you stare at each other with admiration. She has a small cut above her eyebrow, and a bit of dirt on her. Other than that, she seems fine.

She doesn’t drop you as she leans in to give you a kiss, but she does gently set you down as she takes off her shoes and tells you, “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too witchy.” You say. You guys stand there in the entryway for what feels like forever, embracing each other in silence before she decides to go take a shower.

When she comes back, she practically forces you to sit down and relax so she can serve the food even though you tell her she should after a mission. Wanda’s always been like that. Caring, even when she really just needs to be cared for.

You guys eat dinner while you talk, the previously silent room being filled with laughs and sighs of contentment. She doesn’t talk about the mission, as she always says she doesn’t like talking about work during her moments with you. She always tells you about them as you guy’s get ready for bed, and you listen to every word no matter how tired.

You guys always split the duty of dishes. She washes, and you dry and put away. It’s a boring process, but doing it with her always makes it worth it. The redhead then leads you to the living room as she uses her powers to turn on your favorite movie. She goes to grab something from behind the couch, probably a present, and you immediately stop her, “Can I go first? Please?” She nods without hesitation, almost like she's relieved she doesn’t have to go first.

Sprinting to your guys bedroom and then back, you join her on the couch and hand her the back. It’s sparkly green- her favorite color, even though everyone thinks it’s red- with white tissue paper. She basically throws the tissue paper behind her with a smile, which turns into a full on grin when she reads the titles of the books you got her. One thing about the witch is that she's easy to shop for. When you first started dating, a list of the books she currently wanted was placed on the fridge right next to the grocery list. You had simply laughed it off, but she continues to update it over time and it's become increasingly helpful.

Then she sees the rings, ones she had pointed out in a thrift store a few weeks ago. She slips on her fingers, and it takes everything in you to not make a comment about how hot her hands are. One is made up of tiny fake pearls, and that one goes on her pointer finger. Then a skeleton bone one, which goes on her ring finger, a small gold one with a red stone on it. That one goes on her pinky. Then a white one with a gold line going through the middle, which goes on the pointer finger of her other hand. She seems happy, and that makes you happy.

She gives you a small kiss and then mumbles against your lips, “Thank you my love.” The redhead sits up straight again, giving you a nervous smile and reaching behind the couch to grab something. She brings out an acoustic guitar, one similar to the one that your dad would use every night when he would play you a lullaby. In fact, right down to the tiny spot of blue paint marker your brother put on the side of it when he was five, it's the exact replica.

“So I um…..I tracked down your aunt.” Your girlfriend begins, not quite meeting your eyes as she fiddles gently with the strings. When you were a teenager and your father first died and your aunt came to pick up his things as she said you and your brother couldn't keep any of his stuff, you wanted to scream at her and rip the instrument out of her hands when she grabbed it. You don’t feel that way about Wanda holding it.

“After a polite conversation and a little bit of threatening, she handed over the guitar.” You giggle, bringing a small smile to her face. “Then I went to Clint and Laura, who spent a very long time teaching me how to play.” Your smile grows and she begins playing a familiar tune. The one your dad played. “They got very frustrated with me very quickly but they said since it was for you, they’d help me learn the song your dad made you. So I went to your aunt again and kind of stole the sheet music. I’m not very sure if that woman likes me.” “That’s okay honey. She doesn’t like anyone.”

You both quietly laugh before she clears her throat and says, “So I’m going to play it for you. I just hope you don’t hate it.” You don’t have time to tell her that you could never hate a gift from her before she's playing the chords. She messes up a few times, but it’d really be no obvious to someone how did not grow up hearing the song. Her honey-like voice fills your ears and it's like you're right back there, laying in bed with your favorite stuffed animal and watching as your dad easily moves his fingers over the frets.

“Sweet pea, apple of my eye. 

Don't know when and I don't know why.

You're the only reason I keep on coming home.”

Her voice is different from your dads, but that only makes it ten times better. You can quickly feel tears begin to form in your eyes.

“Sweet pea, what's all of this about?

Don’t get your way, all you do is fuss and pout.

You’re the only reason I keep on coming home.

I'm like the Rock of Gibraltar, I always seem to falter

And the words just get in the way

Oh, I know I'm gonna crumble and I'm trying to stay humble

But I never think before I say”

A few weeks ago, Wanda had laid with you in the dark and quietly asked as she was falling asleep, “What the hell is the Rock of Gibraltar?” You had tiredly told her what it was even as confused as you were, and it makes a lot more sense now.

“Sweet pea, keeper of my soul

I know sometimes I'm out of control

You're the only reason I keep on coming”

She is out of control sometimes, but you know how to bring her back. Actually, you’re one of the only people in her life that can.

“You're the only reason I keep on coming, yeah

You're the only reason I keep on coming home”

She lets the tune ring out into the silence as she concludes the song, and she doesn’t meet your eyes until she hears you sniffle. You have tears streaming down your face, and she instantly panics. “Why are you crying my love? Oh god. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Was it that bad?”

You send her a smile despite the tears and shake your head. “No. Happy tears Wands.” She sighs in relief, wiping your tears with her sleeves as you take a deep breath. “That was beautiful.” You lean into her touch as she caresses your cheek. “When my dad died……i hated the sound of music. I wondered how something so amazing could exist  if something as great as him couldn’t.” She nods in understanding. “My siblings would try to play for me, and I literally broke a piano once because of how much I hated the sound of instruments. As I got older, I got more used to hearing music, but I didn’t exactly enjoy it. It was mine and my dads thing. He would go to work for a long time and I’d barely see him but I knew that at the end of the day, every single day, he’d be there to sing to me. So many things changed over time but that never did. Until….well until it did.”

She listens as you talk, humming everyone in a while to show she's listening but also stays silent so you can talk. You run your fingers gently over the wood of the guitar as if it’ll break if you touch too hard. “But when I met you……you played music everywhere. In the car? Music was playing. Making dinner? Music was playing. Hell you get in trouble constantly for wearing earbuds on missions so you can listen to music. And at first, I struggled with it. I wasn’t going to admit it because I knew how much you loved it and I’m happy I did it. Because now, I don’t associate music with how mad I am at the universe for taking my dad, but with you. My favorite person.” Her eyes sparkle in a way that makes you want to wrap her in bubble wrap and protect her from anything and everything.

“You’re my favorite person too.” She says as she leans in to hug you, burying her head in your neck. “And I love you.” Your girlfriend adds as she places a gentle kiss on the side of your neck. “I love you to Wands.” You mumble.

You don’t see it, but she lets one arm release you and places it in her hoodie pocket, squeezing the black ring box tightly. If she wasn’t sure before, she is now.

[firespirited]

everywhere but here, I am the mom.

not the 'mom friend', not fun aunt or godmother, the big sister type you go to when you're at the end of your tether and you need a mom to clean up something nasty, kill a spider, unload on someone who can handle it and not make it about them, help you pull the trigger on a hard decision you've already taken but haven't accepted. I make things happen, I connect people, I do mediation and emotional prep; I tell people their full options and help them weigh it all up. You were pondering it for a while but you left here with a lawyer's appointment and a loan we both know is a 'pay it forward' gift. I carry the secrets and the bad memories so it makes sense you move on without me when all's well. The big sister thing means I feel like family and shelter but not really like an everyday friend

Here, I get to be Saffy, bit of a klutz, silly brained with a childlike wonder for creatures and well-designed things who can talk about fear of crowds, slowly healing the relationship with my own mum, I watch horror and post about my dog. That's who I want to be, a large facet of who I am internally buuut life rarely fits the idea we have of ourselves does it?

Part of repairing the imbalanced relationship with mum was letting her do some protective mothering so i can fill the desperate ache to have one person in the world who has my back, while making my support of her more streamlined and unspoken. You know the concept of the toilet paper fairy who makes loo roll appear and always knows when to buy more, that but for groceries, electronics and paperwork, and big decisions we carry together but it has to be very businesslike and unemotional: she's as much a big sweetheart as she is fiercely independent (and ashamed/angry her daughter had to carry half the load). So now she's the one who notices or who I go to when the world has asked me to be The Mom again.

I imagine it's a lot like gay penguins: there's an ecological vacuum of big sister-mom types and some of us just have the vibes.

This winter I've done a metric ton of non-judgmental, non-condescending temporary 'parenting' of women with parents who are gone or who can't handle it and friends who aren't friends-for-that-kinda-thing. I'm really good at it, at weathering a storm for someone and being an anchor. It doesn't hurt any more because mum can be an emotional mum to me.

but I'm never sure how to talk about it here between dolls and shitposts and if i'm not specific... I mean... "chronically ill/special needs person currently or previously in abusive relationship with parent/partner who takes a while to realize and accept abuse isn't just fists but sleep depravation and symptom minimization and all sorts of tiny things that add up to life-threatening injury to the body and mind" applies to many of us dollblr folks as it does like 80% of my social circle offline.

and there's no way of saying that being around some folks is like experiencing a slow motion train wreck without sounding like an asshole.

I am that asshole.

I am goatsed out and want to be a hermit.

Did I tell you guys my doctor vented for 45 minutes about having to put her "dumbass hysterical" sister (deaf and never put in school) into care and the paperwork involved in getting disability (the thing that took me 14 years and she got her sister's transferred in 3 weeks). and I truly empathize but that wasn't very professional and your sister is a person. please.

and I can't cut M out of my life now that her kid is, as predicted, like her (and the facebook-chosen not-yet-divorced deadbeat-dad of 3 special needs kids), an adorable barely verbal two-year-old. She won't be able to navigate special needs care alone but she's still staunchly anti-vax and had a diatribe of ableism mixed with mystical pseudoscience for me, interspersed with thanks for being more family to her than her sister in helping her know how to leave a bad relationship. hokay not making this easy.

S is going to be on the hook for tax evasion if she stays with the shady useless guy she's been babying (and resenting) for 20 years solely because she doesn't like to do activities alone. three times now I've been cornered for the vent sesh. I am sitting on the floor the next time, I need blood in my brain to emote properly. and that unneutered bulldog living in the south is a crime, it can't breathe it can't think, it's all hormones and anxiety covered in fur, of course it's a nuisance around the house.

and there's more but i'm tired of typing and thinking.

[daughter-of-sapph0]

May I ask what helped you decide you wanted to convert? For me, there's always been a fascination with Jewish culture that grew into a lot of love for all of the aspects of religion. As a queer person, the celebration of survival against all odds really spoke to me as well as the deep philosophical nit-picking of the Talmud and what god even means. The fact that you even be Jewish and convert as well without even fully believing in god is very meaningful to me.

I haven't started my conversion process yet because the only synagogue near me has some pretty bad politics but I really hope to be able to start one day

Anyway I hope you have a nice day💖

I've had this ask in my inbox for days because I've spent forever just thinking about how to answer it. I'd say it's really two big things that made me want to convert. the first thing being the people around me who were Jewish and had a love for their religion, and the second being my catholic mother.

let me explain the my mother first. I was raised catholic. my mother comes from an Irish catholic family, so from birth to about 8th grade I was raised as a catholic. I never really questioned it any. my dad was lutheran, and even though he wasn't religious, we sometimes went to mass with his parents. and we also had lots of friends who were all different flavors of christian, so I had a pretty diverse experience of what it ment to be christian. but that's the thing, I only knew about christianity. I mean, I knew other religions existed. I knew that other people believed things that were different than the things I believed. I knew there were different traditions and holidays and such. but I knew basically nothing about it until I got to middle school.

I went to a very small catholic school for middle school. I had previously gone to a public elementary school. but at 6th grade, my mother really wanted me to go to the school she went to when she was a kid. it was a tiny little k-8 brick building connected to the local church that couldn't have had more than 200 kids in the entire school. it was basically the same as public school, although the math program was a year ahead so I was doing geometry in algebra 1 in 8th grade instead of 9th. we had a religion class that was basically history revolving around early christianity. I say that because although they said it was the history of Jewish people before Jesus, it was taught in a very christian-centric way.

I wouldn't say it was a bad school. there was never any forced political views. there was an optional field trip to go to the march for life anti abortion thing in DC, and I wanted to go (because I was a stupid kid who had no idea what abortion even was and just wanted to visit DC) but my mom told me I really shouldn't and explained why she's pro choice. I distinctly remember this conversation with her, because it was at that point I realized that christians, even of the same dinomination, have wildly different views, but you aren't really allowed to talk about it.

I can't remember a lot about the school. I just remember that I was bullied a lot. I had severe undiagnosed adhd and autism, plus I was struggling with my own sexuality and gender. although the school wasn't outright homophobic, it wasn't like they were hosting pflag meetings either. so I kinda bottled my emotions up until high school. it was at that time I became an atheist. I was questioning the concept of an all knowing and all loving god who would make a world with so much hate and violence and sadness in it. I couldn't accept that god loved me, knew everything about me, made me the way I am, but also hated me because I was gay and disabled. obviously I wasn't taught this at middle school. but I heard it online from homophobes and ablists using religion to harm others, and I associated this with all christians. I didn't hate christianity, I just didn't want to be a part of it.

so anyway, I was an atheist for a while. for about two years in high school. I wasn't a reddit atheist or an antitheist. I still respected other people's religions. I just didn't believe in any of my own. I was still questioning my gender at this time, and I struggled a lot with grades especially in my freshman year. I finally started going to therapy and taking meds to help focus, and my grades drastically improved my sophomore year. (I just realized that those terms probably mean nothing to non-americans. freshman is first year of high school, or 9th grade. sophomore is second year of high school, or 10th grade. junior is third, or 11th grade. and senior is fourth, or 12th grade)

my mom was always supporting me through all of this. she accepted me with everything that was going on in my life, whether it's religion or sexuality or disability or gender. she was the first family member I came out as trans to. and she has been nothing but supportive and loving for my entire life. she like, the exact opposite of a conservative christian. she uses her religion and her faith to spread love, and not hate. and even though at this point I wasn't a christian, she still supported me because of her being raised as a catholic to love everyone. and she never forced me to go to church or change back to catholicism or anything. she let me do my own thing and supported everything I did.

anyway, I came out as trans during the middle of my junior year. I had just been through a rough breakup with a really nice guy, but he helped me figure out my gender shit and made me realize I could be whatever gender I wanted to be as long as I was happy. we stayed friends for a while after that. but he was a year older than me so we didn't really talk after he graduated. but he helped me realize I was trans. and now I started to feel better and more confident about myself. I made friends with a lot of people online. I specifically made efforts to make friends with all different types of people. I had always been a pretty liberal person and social justice advocate. but I wanted to try and learn more about the world beyond my very limited experience. and either by coincidence or fate, I ended up being friends with a lot of transgender Jews. I spent a lot of time learning about Judaism and what it ment to be Jewish. idk what it was, but I felt a really strong connection to my Jewish friends.

but anyway, I'm going through high school, in my senior year, while also taking night classes at community college. just going about life, taking sociology and psychology, while also being a social justice advocate online. when BOOM, pandemic. everything stopped. I graduated high school, but college switched to online and my grades tanked again. it was just like freshman year, except now I was paying nearly two thousand dollars a semester. so I quit. I would have became a total shut in if I hadn't met some really nice people who lived nearby. they helped me be more confident with my self image and personality. I went out more, safely of course because it was the pandemic. I decided I wasn't going to quit college, but just take a break until in person classes started again. I had a few jobs in retail and restaurants, which all absolutely sucked. and I spent a lot of time meditating and thinking to myself about philosophy. since I had a lot of free time, I read a lot. different religious texts and commentaries on those texts. I started to realize that I was religious, but I just didn't know how. I told my current philosophy to some of my friends, most of whom happened to be Jewish, and they said it sounded very similar to Judaism. so I looked into it. in fall of 2020, I reached out to a local rabbi, and told him I wanted to convert to Judaism. he denied me three times as per tradition, but finally said that if I wanted to be Jewish, I had to make sure it was the right religion for me. I had to study and ready and learn. converting is a long process, and usually takes years. I'm almost two and a half years into my conversion process. and from reading and talking with other Jewish people, I'm learning more every day. I've had times where I've doubted myself. where I felt like I had imposter syndrome, or like it wasn't my choice to convert. it's been hard sometimes. but I haven't given up. I'm staying with it because I truly love Judaism and Jewish people and traditions and culture and the thousands of different approaches to god and faith.

converting is gonna be different for everyone. but in general, it's not easy. and it's not supposed to be. you're not really supposed to convert out of Judaism. you can be a Jewish atheist. but once you're Jewish, you're intended to be Jewish for life. so all that time you spend studying and learning is supposed to make you ask yourself over and over and over again "are you sure". and every single time I've asked myself that question, the answer has always been "yes".

sorry this turned out to be more of a life story than a simple answer as to why I chose to convert. but there is no simple answer. I didn't just wake up one day and decide to be Jewish. it was a long process from the millions of decisions and choices by me and the people around me that lead me to where I am today. in religion, philosophy, art, and life in general, there are no such things as simple answers. so, find beauty in the complexity of the universe.

thank you, anon

[ddwcaph-game]

DDWCaPH! Naming Process/History

Alright, so I got an ask about old/scrapped names of the characters… But I didn't expect the list to be this long, so I decided to make this into a development post and also talk about my naming process (except some juicy details I need to keep secret though, hehe).

Anyway, a bit of context for my early naming process: In the original first draft, Lungsod City was a futuristic setting. Everyone had two names: Assigned birth names, or legal names given to people by the government (meant to be a comparison to how authors assign characters their names), and personal nicknames.

This meant that Patrick, Wayne, and Roselyna have two names, and if Roselyna had to introduce herself, she'd say, "Roselyna, nickname" or "Primrose, legal". Their legal names were stored in a phone/ID device called P-cards, which also double as a debit card since there's no physical currency anymore.

For Wayne and Rosie specifically (the original twins in the first draft), I chose their nicknames first, then I worked backwards to choose their assigned name. This isn't the case anymore of course (I've also stopped naming characters after my friends), but it's become tradition for me that each character should have at least one nickname, and anyone who doesn't is just a minor background character.

With that said, here's an extensive list of all the name changes I can remember:

Patrick: Paddy had Maverick as a placeholder name during the early outlining phase, but I settled with Patrick because I like Paddy as a nickname, especially because it rhymes with daddy. I think I was considering Theodore too, so that became his first name. And of course Paddy can also be Patricia now.

Wayne: Wayne's original name was Nyco because reasons, but that also didn't survive the outlining phase. I don't recall where Wayne even came from, but I picked Thomas as his assigned name because it means "twin". As for why I picked Ryan, you can probably figure out why if you know the current origin story of Wayne's nickname (which you learn by choosing him as your bestfriend).

Roselyna: Roselyna was just simply Rose in the first draft. Anyway, it's a very special name to me, and I wanted to change it to Roselyn to make it a lil prettier. I used it as a name for several characters, and even in some games I was playing. It's a pretty common name, so I was forced to think of variations of the name when it was taken already. I remember liking the spelling of Rosalynne too, but Roselyna just sounds better (and apparently hard for some people to spell, as I've realized). 😅

I went with Primrose for her assigned name, which eventually led me to "Primrose Evelyn", which was sort of a tiny nod to Primrose Everdeen from The Hunger Games (which was big at the time, not that I care much for it). So her nickname became a portmanteau, but I couldn't decide for the longest time whether I wanted it to be Evelyna, Everlyn, or Everlyna, until recently when I just decided to make the 'a' in Roselyna come from her middle name, Agustin (which was previously Flores).

Maggie: From the start, I wanted her to name to start with M/sound similar to mommy. And Maggie was the obvious choice because I don't like how Maddie sounds like. For her assigned name, I briefly considered Magdalene, but I knew someone in elementary named Marjorie, and I liked it a lot (plus it's a little less common than the other candidates).

MC's Dad: Aka, Wayne and Roselyna's original dad. Unfortunately I can't mention it because it implies some spoilery events about IAC, but I can safely say that I scrapped that name and event very early in the rewrites (it's not one of the characters you meet, it's hard to explain). Part of the reason you'll be able to choose the name of MC's dad in the next update, is that I haven't really settled on a name for him either. Although I was considering David and Daniel (two of the preset names) because like Maggie, I want his name to start with D/sound similar to daddy.

Julie: I think Julie came from a friend's character I was RPing with, and Wayne got used to calling her Mama Julie. Or at least, it was a big influence why I settled with Julie. It really only became Juliette relatively recently because of the whole nickname thing. I just chose Anne as her second name because it sounds nice and simple, then I realized it sounds nice with Maggie too.

Robert: Apparently, Julie and Robert were originally unnamed in the first draft. But other than that, he didn't have any name changes, other than me giving him Anthony as a second given name.

At this point before the big rewrite, everyone above just had the surname Dela Cruz, since I wanted them to have a common surname. I ony changed it to Villanueva after the rewrites.

Lily: Lily and JM came about because Wayne and Rosie needed to have a friend group at school, and during their creation process, making them have the opposite of W&R's personalities just seemed to fit them perfectly. I'm also unsure why I picked Lily's name exactly, but I think I added "anne" to Lily because of the nickname thing. Her original surname was Concepcion, which I have now given to Rosie's friend, Abigail (who was part of the early iterations of the friend group, before she got repurposed because there's too many).

And since I'm on the topic, I was also planning to add another friend nicknamed Junjun (because double syllable nicknames are common here) …and I just realized, Lily's secret nickname actually fulfills the double syllable nickname (you can discover it if you choose her as your BFF).

JM: When I was thinking of friend names for Wayne and Rosie, I also wanted a nickname with just two initials. They had a friend called RJ at some point, and JM was originally just "Michael", and I guess I kinda merged the two name concepts and ended up with JM. Him becoming a junior was mostly a random idea because I thought it sounded nice with his name, but it gave him more conflict fuel with his dad so I kept it. Maybe RJ still wanted to be a part of his name as "jr", hehe.

With JM's dad now being Lungsod City's vice mayor, I've since changed their names to "John Jesse Michael" (something I've had in my notes for a while now), and changed his dad's nickname from Mike to Jesse.

Beatrice: My old notes say Beatrice's original name was Angelica. I don't remember that, but I guess I wanted it to be ironic. Brandon only came later when I decided to make B gender-selectable/a crush option. Not much story to their names, other than it just fit the vibes I was looking for. Maybe I subconsciously gave them 'B' names because they're bullies, but I dunno.

Nestor: His original name was Robin, since he owns a bird pet shop and needed to have a bird-related name. I eventually changed it to Nestor (esp. because his favorite birds are parrots), which accidentally gave me the greatest pun ever.

Mary: Mary's full name probably had the most number of candidates. I had a full page of notes dedicated to possible names for Mary, but you don't need to know all of that, hehe.

Mariano/Josephine: Mariano's original placeholder name was Christopher, based on one of my friend's characters who I RP'd with, along with Josephine (who 8 year old Rosie became surprisingly close to and was the reason she became less bratty). I got the blessing to use Josephine as her mom's name, and with Rosie's new backstory of having been found in a church, I just had to make her dad's name Mariano (and their surname Del Rosario). As it's pointed out in MC's diary, it's the opposite gender versions of Mary and Joseph. In the next update his nickname will be Mario so it's more apparent.

JM's Mom: I didn't remember this until I found some old notes, but JM's mom's original name was Luzviminda, which is a portmanteau name of Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao (the three major island groups in the Philippines). You don't actually meet her until Volume 5 in JM's story world, so I can't say much about her yet.

Lily's Moms: Lily actually had both dads instead of moms at one point, but her parents didn't have names until I was forced, when I wrote their diary entries. I'm changing Richie's nickname to Rickie in the next update, but I picked Richelle Dalisay for Police-Mom's name as a shout to Ang Probinsyano. I'm also changing Computer-Mom's name from Jezebel/Belle to Danica/Dani because it just fit her better, now that I've written a scene with them.

Ma'am Bianes: As you might've seen from the Super School Bus game, she was previously Mrs. Agustin. I did choose her surname after one of my teachers in elementary, who I distinctly remember saying the "be honest" joke… although unfortunately I don't remember much else about her besides that. There was also a Miss Nelson in the first draft, but she was a background character and Rosie didn't like her, so I wouldn't say they're the same character. (Miss Mean Chin was in the first draft too, who's a reference to Miss Minchin.)

Raven: Her original name was Raybie, and it's a little strange because I derived it from my friend's names (something I liked to do a lot because I was very unoriginal). The spelling always seemed off to me, so I changed it to Ravie. And because I like portmanteau nicknames, her name became Raven Bianca.

Chamyrrha: I also got the blessing to use Cham's name from a friend I RP'd with, although I changed the spelling from Chamirra. Her last name was Tenebrae before I decided to drop it entirely because it doesn't make sense for her to have a last name. At one point, Cham was actually one of Wayne's classmates at school.

***

Anyway, I think that's all the characters for now. Anyone I didn't mention means they always had that name.

I'll reblog this post later in the IAC blog with the name changes of the characters in IAC and Wayne's story world!

[chidoroki]

Black Clover ch354

Fair warning that I am going to ramble on quite a bit this time and it’s all thanks to Lucius who decided to be the clever, little villain he is and conjure up a plan that I had very much feared for my own well being and the great turmoil it would inflict on some favorite characters of mine. That plan consisting of bringing even more powerful mages back to life, specifically those such as Morgen and Acier. (I also figured he’d revive people like Lumiere or Licita as well, but nope, not yet anyways. Or he might not at all, I dunno.) Now for Morgen, there’s no way I could’ve anticipated him in this first panel. Acier however? OH I noticed her INSTANTLY. All thanks to those Silva sandals of hers. We’ve seen Noelle so often throughout the story (and me personally rewatching/rereading many of Nozel’s moments too) that the family’s choice in footwear is just so noticeable. Chances are I might’ve recognized Morgen right away had I focused on his chapters more too, but I didn’t. My flimsy point here is my nerves were sent straight to the edge right from the beginning and it’s almost hilarious how quick a tiny shoe detail instilled so much fear and anticipation into my heart.

As I hoped last chapter, we skip right to judgement day, which I’m sorta on the fence about now that I think about it? Yea I’m real glad we’re finally back in Clover, but still kinda wish we got to see how everyone else prepared for the fight, or their efforts to try and find Asta. We could very well get flashbacks to both later on so I’m not worried. And if we don’t, then whatever, it’s fine. I’m very excited to see Yuno fight alongside William, however where we’re all located right now is a tiny bit concerning? I understand they evacuated everyone into the noble realm for protection, which is great, but if y’all are gonna fight the big bad threat here, how safe can they truly be, ya know? Regardless of that, I noticed Yuno’s left arm is still bandaged up like it was in ch336 and I dunno if there was a reason for it that I most likely forgot about or what (but if we’re all clueless then oooh mystery~). Oh, and because the previously mentioned footwear got my nerves shot, I also took note of how a certain handsome captain wasn’t included in this rooftop lineup and it got me even more worried that he would indeed encounter the lovely lady in the Silva sandals on his own.

Thankfully I didn’t have to fret much longer to finally see Nozel after patiently waiting for many months! Of course I’m relieved to see Mereoleona, Fuegoleon and Rill too, but also others that haven’t received nearly as much screentime. I genuinely want to see more of Randall and Fragil, and hell, all the Purple Orcas honestly. I feel like they get left out on so much, like we barely see Kaiser and he’s the captain. The only Orca we know a lot about is Zara and he’s..- oh my god, what if Lucius revives him too?? OH NO!.. Ah, I digress, but sure we’ve got glimpses of their magic once or twice before as they each had their brief spotlight, but I wanna see them all have a badass moment of some kind! If this is the final battle then we should see just how strong and capable everyone is, yeah? Also, just realized Dorothy ain’t around? Wonder where she might be.

Keep in mind I’m still highly anticipating a certain steel princess to descend into battle but for now I can at least take a breath and appreciate this short YamiChar moment. Happy to see Charlotte apologizing for running away so much recently but feeling even more giddy at the fact Yami essentially set up a date for the two of them. AND how he remembered she and booze don’t mix well and offered tea instead, like how cute of him is that? Unexpected sweet side of him aside, this man looks so exhausted. Has he been worrying about Asta this whole time? Or judgement day? Or both. Possibly that.

Now the calm before the storm is finally over, much to Jack’s impatient and soon-to-be-temporary relief, as Lucius and a newly revealed Morgen suddenly appear behind the rooftop crew. Yeah it would be easy to confuse Nacht and Morgen with that perpetual smile always on both their faces, but the robe here does sorta kinda resemble that of the Grey Deer of which Morgen was a member of. Jack’s comment does make me wonder where Nacht could be if he hasn’t been seen these past couple of days. No doubt with the other Bulls, possibly attempting to locate Asta or something.

But oohh boy, not even ten seconds into the fight and we already got some serious damage on our side. Morgen straight up broke his blade, put a gashing hole right through his stomach and sliced his arm clean off, all in one move! For a dude who loves to cut things up, this is some horrible irony for Jack. For real I have no idea how he’ll recover from this. Granted, William is close by and could summon up a healing tree or whatever he calls it, but y’all gotta be quick about it! Like, super sonic speed fast considering Morgen has light magic and thanks to Patry we all know how much of a pain that could be.

Silly me was so focused on the Silvas during the raw leaks that I barely even thought about the reunion between Yami and Morgen. Sure I was worried about Nacht seeing him again, if and whenever he does eventually show up, but him and Yami were real close friends too. Looking forward to see dark and light magic clash against each other this time. Ohh and our captain dropped his cig, so you know it’s about to get serious.

Now, I dunno if there’s any relation to having Morris paired against the Crimson Lions, but if there is then it’s certainly not as soul shattering as who Morgen and Acier are set on fighting with. Always down to see our undefeated lioness go all out though. Oh, but in this moment I just realized something.. how would Mereo react knowing that Acier is back? Of course I want the Silva siblings to have their moment against their mother, but damn, I’d love to see both women actually battle for once too! Imagine if this was the one time Acier lost to her.. that’d be pretty sweet.

Okay so now is the time I go full on Nozel fangirl and I won’t apologize for any of it, but y’all.. lemme tell you that this encounter has already got me so emotional (and not much has even happened yet!). Back during ch343, just the tiny possibility of Acier being revived entered my head and it struck me with so much worry, so the fact that it is actually happening right here and now is gonna give me several heart attacks. I was completely fine with the brief moment Nozel and Noelle had with Acier’s soul in 303. It was so touching and that entire chapter is what made me love Nozel so much, as it revealed a lot of his character and finally allowed him to own up to his mistakes, to see how strong and persistent he is and to finally be free. Even though we didn’t get to see anything of the recent year and a half timeskip after Spade, I’m sure he became much more relaxed, since he didn’t have to worry about the curse anymore, and possibly have a more meaningful bond with Noelle. Maybe the whole family is doing better now as a whole too, at least I’d like to hope so. I wanted to see this new, improved Nozel so badly (and I sincerely hope the anime expands on that timeskip one day, whenever it returns), but now I have to endure seeing my man stressed beyond belief because he has to fight the mother he loves and respects so much?? WHY?! I want him happy for once in his life and this is the furthest thing from it! In fact, he looks positively pissed off! I have no doubt his anger is more towards Lucius for pulling off this stunt rather than Acier herself. Not to mention that when Nozel last saw her soul in ch303 she was at peace and finally free in a sense, and now he has to watch her fight again against her own will. Sure he’s probably frightened too, I mean it’s not every day your mom comes back to life in front of your eyes (even in a world with magic), but I think his reaction is an interesting contrast compared to Nebra and Solid. The two of them are in complete shock and look far more upset, which is kinda reasonable since neither one has seen their mother since before her death when she was all frail and weak, so seeing her appear suddenly with all that power has got to be chilling.

Now then, I could very well be in the minority for this, but whenever Noelle does join the battle (because she will, I’m certain), I sorta pray she doesn’t do too much? Of course I want her to finally see her mother since she died when Noelle was so very young, but you guys have no idea how badly I want this fight to center more around Nozel (and the other two siblings, sure). Lemme try and explain. As part of the main cast, we’ve seen Noelle level up and have these grand spotlight moments throughout the entire story. While she and Nozel both played a major part in defeating Megicula, due to their personal reasons of avenging Acier (both) and Lolopechka (Noelle), it was still our Bull who landed the final blow against that devil. At the end of the day I just want a big moment for Nozel okay? And I feel like him having the biggest role in this fight against Acier would be such a wonderful way to go about it. Not to mention that this man is in serious need of some kind of power up. Thankfully he’s been strong throughout the entire story, as is required of a squad captain, and he’s no doubt had fantastic displays of strength in both manga and anime, but we’ve seen him pull out the same spells time and time again. A handful of other captains have improved over the story, such as Yami and his different dark slashes, Mereoleona’s hellfire, Fuegoleon with Salamander, as well as Charlotte, Rill and Jack all stepping it up during the Spade invasion. Of course I enjoy the spells Nozel uses now, but he still deserves a bit of an upgrade. Way back in ch178/ep108, Acier expressed how excited she was to see what spells he’ll learn when he received his grimoire, but never got the chance to see any of it due to her untimely death, so I think now is the perfect moment for him to learn something new to spice things up! Like can we give my man some mercury armor please?? Imagine how damn proud Acier would be. And hell, if Noelle can figured out such a spell then it should be no problem for Nozel. I mean, the story praises his level of mana control all the time. Also think it would be pretty interesting to see similar magic such as steel and mercury fight against one another, even more so that they’re around the same age here, which is kinda funny to think about. At least I think so, right..? Acier was in her early thirties when she passed so Nozel has to be about the same age now with all the timeskips we’ve had since the very beginning. Anyways, I really dunno how well Nebra’s mist and Solid’s water will fair against Acier? I see the two of them providing more support than anything. Again, they also look a bit scared to even attack her. Nozel might not have zetten like the Ryuzen Seven or anti-magic like Asta (both methods that proved to defeat paladins), but I’m sure that he certainly has the resolve to fight back. The ch303 flashback showed us how badly he had wanted to save Acier from the curse and the regret of having failed and believing he “killed” her due to watching helplessly. He can certainly redeem himself (in his own mind, I personally have ages ago) during this fight and prove he did indeed become stronger than her by stopping Lucius’ control over her with little to no hesitation. Long ramble aside, I just think it would be far more impactful for Nozel to fight (& win) against Acier due to his magic, history and feelings revolving around Acier rather than Noelle coming in later and claiming another victory solely because it’s her mother she’s never seen or spent time with before.

Oh, also wanted to mention this but the previous chunk of text was getting hella long already, but I wonder how Acier feels about all this? We know from Asta’s fight against paladin Lily that her feelings were still sorta buried deep within, so perhaps Acier won’t go too hard on her children? Or she totally could thrash them..if only to judge how strong they’ve all become. Anyways, do we know if paladins such as Acier and Morgen will die again once defeated? Lily was put into some kind of sleep til Lucius is defeated, but with Heath (who was also revived), it wasn’t really clear if he was killed again or just knocked out last chapter? I dunno. I don’t wanna get my hopes up at the slim possibility of Acier actually getting a second chance at life with her children but oh god, that would certainly warm my heart. And if not, I hope the four of them at least get the chance to say their goodbyes. Speaking of paladins, I don’t think we’ll only have these three to worry about. I’m not entirely sure what all those angel/bird things Lucius has flying around in the sky now, but it can’t be good news. I wouldn’t be surprised if he takes control over more people too, considering he took over Lily pretty effortlessly.

I still have Lumiere and Licita as potential paladins; half because their magic would be very problematic, half because of the drama it would start with Secre and Asta. Yeah anti-magic and/or a real powerful hit like zetten can apparently cancel out Lucius’ control, but surely there has to be more solutions right? Asta is bound to show up eventually..somehow.. but I dunno if the whole Ryuzen Seven would accompany him to Clover as backup. Would be nice of course and I would accept it, if only to see Yami and Ichika meet up again. I do have a random thought that is sort of a longshot, but ya think the Witch Queen could assist at all? Maybe take control back from people with her blood magic or something? How cool would it be if she could flip the switch on the paladin’s minds and have them fight on our side? It would be precious to see Morgen and Nacht team up as well as Acier and all her children. Or queen could do literally anything else, whatever. We really dunno too much about her and it’s been ages since she’s appeared in the story.  I’d happily welcome her if she returned at Vanessa’s request. Imagine if she and the other Bulls went to the witches’ forest to inquire if the queen could see the future regarding Asta or judgement day. It’s a highly unlikely idea but hey if my hope of having Acier encounter her children was possible then I’m holding onto it! good lord i haven’t rambled on this much since tpn. i kinda miss it.

[montgomeryhackett67]

How To Male In A Flirty Way

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[troglobite]

laskdjflaskdjf

retroactively caveating this: if we're mostly/p much only internet friends, the dynamic is so entirely different that none of this really applies. i'm talking ppl i've known almost my whole life, and/or ppl i know irl and would be meeting w in person if not for ongoing covid.

------

sitting here thinking

realizing some things

previously it felt like the tiny number of friends i had/have were only ever interested in using me for their needs and purposes

previous friend group was always talking about everyone else's problems--for hours, days, weeks on end. nothing ever changing.

when i brought my stuff up it halted the entire conversation

i would complain and get nothing in response.

someone else in the group would, out of the blue, make a big request or set a big boundary and it was no problem

but my small requests, discomforts, and boundaries were always treated as Too Much.

and previously i've always thought--it's partly my fault, partly the fault of all friends i've had, that friends always relied on me and sought my advice and instruction and wanted me to do things for them, but didn't ever want to do things for me.

but i'm also realizing now--

well i mean i sort of have always known as well, but in general people. don't take an interest in the things i'm interested in. they don't want to hear about it or listen to me talk abt it.

my mom is the only person who puts up with my infodumping, and she does her Mom's Best. most of the time i don't feel awful. when i try to stop talking bc i feel annoying sometimes she'll ask a question to keep me talking.

haha okay i'm just crying now??? idk.

anyway. it's nice. i still feel deeply annoying. and it's not bc she treats me that way in those moments, it's bc i know she's not truly interested, and also bc at other times, when she's angry or hurt or triggered by something, her resentment towards me comes out. and so when she's being nice abt my special interests and infodumping, i guess part of me is like. she's being nice, but she's just being nice. bc she loves me and cares abt me. but it is. a kind of emotional chore.

so anyway there's that detour.

point being all those posts online "i love when people infodump at me i love seeing how happy and excited they are i love learning new things"

WHERE ARE YOU FUCKING PEOPLE?! I'VE NEVER MET ONE OF YOU. EVER. IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

okay another detour over, sorry.

i'm just now thinking. about friends and friendship again.

i get mad when i can help someone and they don't tell me or ask me. or they don't even give me a chance.

i get MAD. i get so panicked and hurt and upset and confused. idk how to describe the feeling. it's. Big.

it's just Big and Loud and Intense.

when i can help someone and they don't let me know they need help, or they refuse my help when i offer, or they don't ask and i have to come in media res to help out after they've already hurt themselves or overextended themselves, when i could be there for someone and they don't reach out.

i get. That Really Big Feeling. and it's bad and i don't like it.

and i'm frustrated and thinking bc like. part of me is someone who can't handle not being able to help people.

i am disabled and poor and my various abilities are very limited. i cannot do a lot of things that would help a lot of people.

it crushes me. i don't like that feeling. nobody does.

and i care so so so deeply abt the ppl i love.

and--

and we're back to this bit where i don't allow myself to get invested in friends and relationships bc again, i've always been Too Much for ppl.

if i msg too often, ask too many things, open up too much, want to hang out too often, want to share everything w them and be close and. it's Too Much.

and being a queer kid, i couldn't be clingy and huggy w my friends bc it was seen as creepy and gay.

i just. didn't get to hug anyone v much. i had to hide and suppress a lot of my affection. both bc i'm queer and autistic, so it always read as Too Much and Weird.

and it's just very weird to go through life most of the time feeling next to nothing abt other people. bc i've shut that off. and if i turned it on and allowed myself to feel i'd just be a mess, constantly, all the time.

bc if i feel those things then it makes it even harder to deal with what got me Thinking in the first place--

that i'm not a priority in any of my friends' lives.

and it's weird and shitty this time bc now, for several months, i am not even the person that any of them turn to first for help.

so my ONE way to be in contact w friends & feel helpful? is not available to me bc i am not a priority--and i'm not in their list of first responders.

i am not number one. i am not anywhere in the top five.

i'm someone they occasionally think about. or only think about in a certain capacity.

mainly, rn, their DM. or the person who offers compliments. or the person who spams the discord like an annoying bastard w stupid things that no one gives a single solitary FUCK about, and so they ignore.

so it's the double whammy

i don't even get to FEEL something about them ~only using me for advice and support~ and never engaging w my interests or offering to support me

bc they're not even asking me for advice or support

and i'm just realizing how little i matter

and how many other people they have who are more immediate, more important, closer to them--who they just plain like more

and i have no way of finding any other friends

and i'm sort of spiraling

i thought i had. The Friend Group. like i was set. i was so excited and--looking back. ha.

part of what began to drive the stake between us was my Too Muchness.

apart from some red flags i was ignoring, it seemed like we were all in for each other. there were so many things we wanted to do! plans we were making!

we went on a vacation together, which was HUGE for me, w my overwhelming fear of road trips (hard to explain, not what immediately comes to mind), general anxiety abt being away from home, and lack of Comfort around ppl other than my mom. and i thought it went really well! it seemed like it!

but then i went to grad school and they thought i was an elitist traitor or something? that i thought i was better than them? i literally don't know bc they never told me or admitted to any of their actions or feelings so i've been left to guesswork to fill in the blanks.

but the other part of it was--

i so wanted. to do all those things with them. they were a top priority for me. they were involved in the way i was planning literally the future, years out ahead in my life. that's how i was thinking abt my future. with them in it.

and i just remember one time we went out to eat (which they forced me to do even though i fucking hated it and just wanted to hang out with them and not spend money or be around other loud people) and at that time they revealed that they had plans to move in together (three of them) and they hadn't told me but they'd told the friend in virginia.

they talked abt being concerned abt that friend in virginia--but not me, off in minnesota.

and they mentioned a summer vacation. and i said oh wow that sounds awesome, i love that place. do you think we could do another trip like last time? would that be possible? or maybe just one like it some other time?

and i was so excited and enthused abt it. ME! EXCITED ABT VACATIONING W PEOPLE OTHER THAN MY FAMILY!

and looking back i can see how offput they were (mainly one of them) w that suggestion. they found it distasteful and were humoring me.

of course, covid hit and everything fell apart, so it never happened. lucky them. they went on many trips together after that. i know bc i haven't unfollowed or blocked all of them on social media. they're not often on it so it doesn't matter too much.

but they've posted abt their other trips together.

including one BEFORE i had "left the group" that they just. didn't tell or ask me about.

but i was Too Much for them.

despite everything--despite putting up with their treatment of me and not even noticing it was wrong or bad--i was so excited to just spend more time w them and build my future plans involving and around them.

and even though THEY were the ones that started it...

me doing it was Too Much.

and now i have this group

and the group has splintered bc three of them roomed together and it went Very Weird

and now there's literal hatred and animosity btwn a couple of them

which has meant that for the first few miss frizzle games, all i got hanging w the ones i'm closer to afterwards was just an endless stream of angry complaints abt the other players--

even when i thought everything was fine and had gone well.

yes, even i get frustrated w those two players sometimes. but this last session went really well and the story's picking up and i'm excited for it. and i just--the things that have made me frustrated. i've gotten over. or i've said something in a funny way to make the complaint/dislike clear so we can laugh abt it and move on and it won't get repeated. and it's worked.

but i'm just.

it used to be that we could all chat in the discord sometimes

then that group fell apart

and then 3 of them were like "hey let's make our own server and hang out there"

and it was good for a while

and now it's radio silent, same as before

a few memes or tiktoks

but i'm the one in there most of the time

trying to start conversations and share things

and getting no response

and they're all going through shit, i know

but only loosely

because none of them fucking talk to me

i was called a best friend by one of them and now i'm not even on the list of ppl to inform abt her life. to complain to. to chat w. for months now.

and honestly i'm just so sad and tired and lonely over never having any responses to anything i put in the discord that i just--

i know they're all tired and overwhelmed. i know.

so i don't reach out asking abt that stuff.

if they wanted to complain to me or get my support, they would ask.

and i know that bc that's how it's been in the past.

but they're all in their own spaces and places w their own ppl who are. more enmeshed in their lives. more important. more everything.

and i'm just the annoying shithead who's like 5-6 years older than them just posting stupid shit in the discord for them to ignore.

and one of them bailed 15 mins before our miss frizzle game this past sunday, after having told me they could come and play. i also had set the expectation that ppl tell me if they can't make it w a few days' heads up, bc i need to be able to prepare. we could survive a couple ppl missing a class/game session here or there, it would be okay. and obviously shit happens last minute, so that's fine.

and i absolutely understand that they're going through the Pits of Depression Hell, rn.

but i only get it vaguely bc they don't talk to me. i am not an important or close friend.

i'm not saying that to insult them or myself. it's just true. i am not an important or close friend, for them.

but i asked them--on the off chance--if they might want to sit in on the session, since this "class" was going to be two gaming sessions, and if they could make it to the next one, i'd want them to know what was going on or lemme know any choices they made.

and i said either way, we'd just retcon that their character was there, no problem.

their response sounded. so fucking mad at me. "god i'm fucking sorry i went back to sleep. he's [the PC] basically plant life it's fine"

i didn't say

"hey fuck you for not showing up"

i asked if they'd wanna sit in the group and observe

partly bc sometimes sleeping curled up in a depression pit makes things worse, and partly just so it was easier for them to rejoin in the next session.

bc like. reading an entire game session summary is also a lot. and these players. have a hard time reading ANYTHING i send them. they do it. they manage it. just enough. oddly, the players i anticipated having the most trouble w that are the ones doing the best--my expectations have been flipped.

but i figured sitting in the zoom room might be vaguely entertaining background noise (w camera & mic off!) and they could pick up next session easier, and maybe being around ppl they generally like would be a little bit of a pickmeup.

but instead my question/offer was seen as. angry? needling? judgmental? idfk.

my response was me pretending nothing was wrong bc they had voiced nothing to indicate that anything WAS wrong, and i'm having to work on not interpreting things from ppl when they haven't communicated anything to me. if someone is upset w me or if i hurt them, they HAVE TO TELL ME or i cannot do anything abt it. it's not fair to either of us to expect me to psychically divine every time something is wrong.

and they responded in kind.

but i'm just like.

what the fuck?

you don't talk to me. you don't respond to anything i say. you said, before this campaign ever began, that you "just want a campaign that actually happens"

and then 15 mins before the game you bail--when i have to calculate and balance encounters for a certain number of players AHEAD OF TIME. when i have to spent a lot of time preparing roleplay scenes and information to give your character.

so i'm kind of scrambling, yeah, and hoping that maybe you'll sit in on the session--NOT PLAY! NOT TALK! NOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH PARTICIPATING AT ALL SOCIALLY OR IN THE GAME!--so that it's easier for BOTH OF US to prepare for the next session

because now i have to type up a whole game summary to fill them in on what they missed

assuming, of course, that they don't bail on the next game 15 mins beforehand

i just. i understand that things happened.

but i quite literally went into the discord w just the 3 of them who were like "let's all be friends in here!" and then proceeded to fucking ignore me

and i said basically--

'hey what's the vibe? how are y'all feeling abt the campaign and playing in it, rn? bc i'd be fine hitting pause until y'all felt more ready to participate. we could do oneshots and jackbox game sessions, instead, for a few weeks or a couple months, and then jump right back in. bc i have this campaign literally outlined through to the end, so we WILL complete it. we're NOT bailing on it. lol but we could hit pause if need be. bc this game is a lot of work, and i want y'all to be there in such a way that you can enjoy it. i don't want y'all to miss out or not be present mind-wise. so if we need to hit pause, let's do that.'

and to be clear, no one had communicated ANYTHING to me.

but that was sort of the point.

radio silence.

how am i supposed to interpret that? what am i supposed to do with that, except infer that i should ask them how things are going?

they won't talk to me about their lives, maybe they'll fucking talk to me about this game that THEY wanted to happen. that THEY are invested in. that THEY requested have a large, overarching story and lots of roleplay.

no one directly engaged w anything i said. they both responded abt the upcoming game, and that was it. said they'd check in by friday.

i had to remind them and ask explicitly to get a response friday at like 5 fucking pm

and if that doesn't say it all abt where their priorities are right now

which--

WOULD BE FUCKING FINE

IF THEY WOULD JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME

but they don't and won't.

and here i sit capable of only feeling so many emotions.

if they're (the one who responded as such above) mad at me for being too "businesslike" abt the game, despite me not being a dick abt it and saying it was fine either way, then i'm sorry

but maybe try actually fucking talking to me AT ALL abt ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE GAME so that way it actually feels like maybe we're friends

instead of me being an unpaid DM doing a LOT of fucking work for a group of people who don't particularly care abt me or my wellbeing or the work i'm putting in

and who have lives and friends and family and other shit that's infinitely more important than me

and to circle back around, part of the reason i was so. baffled and confused--and i didn't even have the space or capacity to process and feel that at first--by the angry response to my offer/question

is because

if it's that bad

why are you isolating away from me?

i can't DO anything for you if you don't talk to me! if you don't fucking say anything!

i'm trying to reach out these stupid little branches for fun little moments of conversation and goofiness and what have you

and just. no takers. no response. no nothing.

and idk what their life is like bc they don't talk to me.

none of the three really talk to me.

and forget the other three players, i NEVER talk to them. i am just someone who DMs for them.

they don't ask abt my life or anything. we don't talk abt it.

i don't have a friend group.

i have a group of people, half of whom claim that i am their friend and do nothing to demonstrate it, that i DM for and work my ass of for, and i get nothing in return.

i just wanted them to have fun.

and this last session went so well

but that's it. that's all the time i have to talk to these ppl.

my requests that we hang out more--forgotten for weeks, so i don't bring it up again. bc i have ALWAYS been the one asking.

only to find out, every time throughout my life, that they were all hanging out without me anyway. that i'm just annoying.

i'm Too Much. they don't like me. they don't want me.

and when they do, it's just for advice or support or to use me for something, like DMing.

that's it.

and when we talk abt the game i get excited bc i work so hard on it and i care abt it so much and this is my FIRST TIME EVER DMing for a longform campaign

i have so many hundreds of pages written, so many maps made, so many characters and plots and stories to keep track of

because they asked me to

an option for this campaign was for it to be a monster of the week type thing. no overarching plot. no outer worlds. just a new class each week, everything's fine, then the class ends, end of campaign.

but they wanted an overarching story. and i made it. really big. and, i hope, really cool. really interesting and exciting to try and figure out. something that they'll have fun pulling apart, that will be compelling when it's revealed--all of its itinerant pieces revealed and explained, one by one, over the course of the campaign.

and i just.

want friends.

period.

but also, friends with whom i can get really excited abt this campaign.

and i offered to pause the campaign so everyone could rejoin properly.

and so far the one who bailed 15 mins before--btw, going through diff med changes which are ALWAYS difficult, and didn't fucking think to tell me until i'd had to explicitly ask abt attendance and scheduling like a fucking pain in the ass HR manager or teacher scolding them--has said nothing abt it.

bc they just don't fucking talk to me.

but clearly they need the time as well

and what, they think that despite the fact that i have the entire campaign outlined, that i'll bail on it?

meanwhile the three i was worried abt bailing on the game are fully in, and the three who claimed to be completely in and want this most are not able to be in it, right now. and won't communicate that to me.

i mean to be fair it's really only two of them at the moment.

but now i'm just going down this whole again where i get worked up about the campaign.

but i'm just. realizing. that part of the anger and frustration--which i have to emphasize is not AT any of them--is bc.

they don't need/want me as a friend.

i am not important outside of the game.

and now the game is not even in their top 5 priorities--and i understand why.

but now it's like

they don't ask me for help or support

they don't care abt the things i say

they don't want to have fun conversations or times with me

and they can't be there for this game that i am working so fucking hard on for them

i am making this game for them.

it's really, REALLY hard for my brain to do this. i can't judge if i'm saying too much or not enough. if i'm making something disappointing and boring. i can't tell if they're actually enjoying it, or if the few of them who say "that was fun, thanks, beck!" are humoring me or if they really mean it.

i can't tell if this is exciting and cool. if they like the NPCs. if they like the other PCs and the roleplaying. if they see the mystery. if they're invested.

i can't tell.

and i get little hints that, maybe they are?

and so i worry i'm just in my head abt this, that i'm making this game for me.

i want to have fun, too.

but all of the things i'm doing--i'm doing bc they asked me to.

i offered a miss frizzle game.

i decided i needed to make the world for it.

i asked them what they wanted from the game

and after a lot of fucking pestering they FINALLY told me what they wanted (bc it took them forever to fill out a 4 question survey where the answer could be "nope i'm good!" to basically all the fucking questions, takes 5 mins at most)

and i took that to heart

and i built a world and a plan and a campaign around that

i worked to find ways to connect everything to each of their characters

i've put so much into this

and i'm just

feeling really confused and conflicted

bc no one wants me.

they maybe want me as a DM. maybe.

and that requires. so much work on my part.

and i don't get. any actual friendship from them.

i don't even get to help them with their problems or talk to them abt stuff. i don't even get that anymore.

i feel annoying trying to talk abt the game between sessions. like i'm annoying all of them.

and i just--

this is part of why i resent being told to reach out and be interested in other people

they find me annoying and creepy and Too Much

bc i love other people

as much as i say i hate them

i hate them bc they hate me

i wanted to just read my book and go to fucking sleep early tonight and instead i've been sitting here for an hour crying and typing this up.

and for what?

it changes nothing.

and then fuck me, too, for the times when i'm too tired to want to be engage in a full conversation.

or i'm wary of replying too quickly to something bc what if i'm being annoying or overwhelming?

worrying with every message i send that i've done something wrong. bc isn't that always the case?

and so i want to respond when i feel good enough to respond w the right tone and it's not forced or fake.

bc i guess i'm still trying to perform the interesting agreeable cool funny friend

even talking abt problems i don't talk abt anything that someone can't relate to at all.

and things in my life are so nebulous and weird anyway.

no one could "offer support", right, so why do i even want or miss it?

it's just stupid. i'm tired of being 28 fucking years old and still having to deal with shit like this.

and all those "life gets better in your 30s"

do you SEE the world?

i'll be lucky if i even make it to 40.

not even by my own hand. just everything else.

"there's always time to start what you wanna do"

that's a nice sentiment. it's even true a lot of the time.

when there's not a pandemic. when you have money. and friends. and opportunities and options in front of you. and no disabilities.

i'm just being stupid and shitty and negative now.

but i sort of resent anything that makes me feel fulfilled or alive rn bc then the crash back to earth hurts even worse.

the absence of everything else the majority of the time feels even worse.

and i'm not going to talk to ANY of them abt this bc what would be the point?

they're not in a place to handle a conversation like that w any grace. i'm not even MAD at them! they haven't deliberately done anything wrong, they're just struggling! a lot!

and last time i tried to have a conversation abt things that i was worried abt or hurt by or just wanted to clear up, everything imploded around me and i ended up ghosted and abandoned and blamed for everything.

shit's already empty and absent enough without me throwing dynamite at it and making it worse.

it's just that normally the effort i put into a friendship is immaterial.

but now i'm DMing this game and the effort is very material.

and now i'm feeling it more accutely.

and i can't do anything abt it.

i just.

hanging out w friends makes me feel better. and i KNOW that's the case for most people.

and here i am, trying to make that happen in a low stakes way just talking in discord.

and still nothing.

just.

nothing.

i'm a bad person for trying. for asking. for wanting.

i can't help if i don't know, if they don't tell me.

but they don't want me to ask. bc they don't respond to anything i say, at this point.

enough to know they're alive. and that's abt it.

[myxsweetxeverything]

Also I should probably make a tumblr account to talk to you (I stalked you here from your AO3 lol), I feel bad being anon and sending you hella lengthy ass messages like this with nothing to show for it 😂 but yes I adore your fics!! I got back into NIN over quarantine 3 years ago after previously not listening to them since hesitation marks came out and the hyperfixation just never seemed to go away!! Yes 100% the community for NIN RPF is soooo insurmountably tiny however of the very few people we have in this community, many of them seem interested in shipping Trent with M*nson and nothing/nobody else, with no consideration for other dynamics, which isn’t my thing, so coming across your content was LITERALLY a breath of fresh air. Your fics could stand to be a bit longer IMHO but they contain character (not caricatures), facts, and actually interesting plots unlike a lot of other NIN fics I’ve seen.

And man don’t even get me started on the general NIN fandom and its…rigidity and the pressures there are within it to be “perfect” somehow, while also managing to exclude other people and be stone cold af. I’ll always love the music but I left the fandom 2 years ago because of that. It just feels like one big overglorified clique nowadays. It’s funny ‘cause a lot of them act that way because they think it’s how Trent acts or that behavior will win them points with him when like.. that’s how ‘93 trent acted you fucking weirdos, it’s 2023. The best part is they’re doing so to try to meet standards that he himself doesn’t meet and doesn’t care to now that he’s a married father of five. Like the guy met his wife on Twitter, people. He’s on discord. He’s chronically online, just like us. He’s another person like we all are, so please chill tf out for ten seconds.

(and thus concludes my rant lol sorry for tormenting your poor inbox 🤣)

(My inbox is fine, don't worry! I always appreciate being able to talk fics with other people 😊 Besides, you're getting a long ass reply lmao)

I'm very glad you found this blog from AO3! I linked it on my profile and a few of my fics, but sometimes it makes me feel like a bit of a self-promoter, you know?

I had actually gotten into NIN about a year before COVID happened and during quarantine I decided to dive fully into the fandom.

If we can get more people writing NIN fic, that would be great tbh.

I was never into Trent/M*nson, and what actually motivated me to actually write after years and years of wanting to write for any fandom (not just RPF) was that I wanted to see Trent paired with people no one was writing about. At some point I realized that the only way I could read those fics was writing them myself - so I that's what I'm doing right now! And I'm glad that my efforts in doing that have paid off - "breath of fresh" is a wonderful compliment ❤

I do agree with my fics needing to be longer. I'm actually trying to find ways to improve my writing (including actually reading as much as my ADHD brain will allow me), so I'm glad you pointed that out. I might actually rewrite some of my fics in the future with that in mind. There's a reason why I developed the habit of writing very short fics, but I won't get into that here for reasons.

Oh, the NIN fandom...I'm not really going to go into that whole mess because I'll be here forever, but I will say that there are certain types of people, no matter the website, that I just avoid for the sake of my mental health. I'm sorry all that caused you to leave the fandom :( There's some really cool people in the fandom, but you're right that a lot of it is just like a clique.

Honestly Trent had the right idea to quit Twitter for good a few months ago. I'm sure when he deleted his account, the sun shone a little brighter for him once he was finally free.

Again, thank you for the lovely words about my fics ❤ I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate it! If you ever do make a Tumblr, come on by! 😊

[primofate]

Hi there, can I request the boys seeing you got injured or being attacked, whichever is fine ^^

Hey anon! You didn’t specify how injured but I’ll just run with it hahaha :)

Shortfic

Scenario: You got injured Part 1

Part 2 with Zhongli

Part 3 with Xiao

Characters: gn! reader x Diluc, Kaeya, Albedo, Childe

Warnings: angst, injury, no character death though

Masterlist

https://primofate.tumblr.com/post/653296890583154688/masterlist-for-mobile-version-main-links

Taglist (Want to be notified when something new comes out? Sign up!):

https://forms.gle/VZmJXQssHcv7YzQc6

If you’d like to be extra sweet and donate, here’s my kofi link: 

https://ko-fi.com/primofate

Diluc

“Master Diluc, if I could just interrupt--” one of the caretakers in the winery walked up to his office and prepared for the assault of words that could be fired towards him, sure enough, Diluc interrupted. “What is it? I’m a little busy right now, make it quick,” he hadn’t turned his face to look at the grim expression weaving in and out through the caretaker. Hadn’t bothered to look up to check if there was anything amiss, but the caretaker continued quickly “It’s Y/N,” the caretaker had only paused for a moment but Diluc had already picked his head up at the mention of your name. It was here that he realises something must have gone wrong, the caretaker’s expression was not a pleasant one. He was up on his feet, eyes widening a fraction at the following words, “They came back to the mansion seconds ago and they’ve been injured past what Adelinde could fix so we called for a doctor—”

In Diluc’s hurry he had stumbled over his chair, it tripping behind him with a thud on the floor but he ignored it and fast runs towards your room. Dear Archons he should NOT have let you go on that commission by yourself. You could hold your own, yes, but things happened and he really should have thought that through first. He was berating himself for it as he swung the door open. “Y/N?!” 

The urgency in his voice tells you that he perhaps had the wrong idea of what was happening, it was really just a gash on your leg, although it was bleeding profusely, the cut must have been deeper than you thought. The maid had already placed a tourniquet to stop and slow the bleeding. You tried not to show it in your face, not wanting to alarm your lover any further, but it. hurt. like. hell. “Diluc, I’m fine, it’s just a gash,” 

The maid that was previously sitting on the chair next to your bed moves away, Diluc replacing her, his eyes didn’t tear away from the wound on your leg, his expression contorted to that of worry and nervousness, before finally turning to your face, reaching a hand out to cradle your cheek. “Stop lying. You’re pale, you’re sweating--” of course he sees through you, he knows the second you get upset, knows every crease on your forehead and every slight furrow of the brow. He had memorized every inch of his beautiful, beautiful treasure. “Your hands are trembling, you’ve lost too much blood, where’s the doctor?!” He grips your hand at the realization that you might actually be in a more dire situation than presented, and just on cue the doctor comes through the door, asking for some time alone with you to do his job. 

Diluc paces outside the door, unable to stay in one place for long. He kept thinking about how frail you looked. How, if you were unlucky, it wouldn’t have just been your leg. He shook his head at the thought. He didn’t know how he was going to let you out of his sight from then on. He knew full well it would annoy you to have him following you around everywhere but.... How could he not after this?

The doctor emerged half an hour later and explained that you just needed a bit of rest and that, with a little healing magic, you didn’t need the stitches at all. “Don’t let them use that leg for a day and they should be fine, it’s nothing life-threatening but they did lose a lot of blood and is going to need time to recuperate. They’re asleep at the moment,” 

Diluc takes note of everything and quietly slips into your room. They must have sedated you in the process and he sighs as he plops down on the chair that was still placed next to your bed. His eyes soften at the sight of you finally relaxed and less in pain, hand reaching out to brush off strands of stray hair that blocked his view of your face. “You’re the only one who can scare me this much,” he mutters under his breath, as if complaining and he swears that he sees a very small and light grin on your face, as if teasing him. He smiles a little, just happy that you’re stabilized and leans in to kiss your forehead, opting to stay by your side till you wake up.

----------

Kaeya

“What do you mean unconscious?”

“J-Just as we said, Captain. They were unconscious when we found them,” Kaeya sighs in slight exasperation. Normally he was a jolly camper but when the knight in front of him is unable to say how injured you are, Kaeya gets a little wordy. “I meant to say why were they unconscious? Were they hurt? Where are they now?”

Kaeya stands. He was in the middle of some Favonius paper work. “They were bleeding profusely from the head,” Kaeya stops as if lightning has struck him and stares pointedly at the knight. “These details should be said early on,” he thought that it had just been something less threatening. Perhaps you had somehow passed out, exhausted, on your bedroom floor. Or perhaps had just rolled from the bed and onto the floor. They said that they found you in the bedroom, and his blood froze when he realizes that someone went in there to attack you.

Kaeya doesn’t bother talking the other knight into giving better reports next time, he’d do that later. He could guess that you were probably taken into the Favonius infirmary. Sure enough, when he walks in there, face scrunched up into what could only be described as worry and anger mingling together, you were awake, head bandaged up and your eyes meet. His heart breaks at how you still smile at him despite the fact that he wasn’t there to protect you. He stands next to the infirmary bed and gingerly touches your cheek, peering into your eyes. “Y/N, what happened?” he asks, eyes scanning the bandages wrapped around you. “Who did this?” and there was that angry and cold undertone in his voice that you rarely heard, as if his cryo vision had taken over his whole being.

“I’m sorry, Kaeya, I-- I can’t quite remember,” You put a hand up to cover half of your eye, your head was still throbbing and in quick realization Kaeya eases up on you and gently pushes you on your back to rest. “It’s fine, sorry, I just--” he cuts his own speech off and takes a deep breath in. Focus on the good. He tells himself. “I’m glad you’re alright, take it easy, I’ll take care of things,” By that he means he might just slaughter whoever even had the guts to break into your house and attack you in the middle of the day. The break-in was reported by townspeople, and Kaeya was sure as hell he’d get every witness to describe that asshole’s face. 

“You’re staying with me for the moment,” he decides quite quickly, and you had no qualms with that whatsoever. Hearing that you had no protest at all, he grins and leans down to capture your lips in a soft kiss, afraid to hurt you. “No complaints? Perhaps this was your grand scheme all along to come live with me,” You can’t help but chuckle at how quick he bounces back. “Maybe, honey. Maybe,”

----------

Albedo

“Ow--” the knife clatters to the floor, as blood starts to pool around your finger. Albedo spins around at the meek sound you make, ignoring the knife on the floor and strides over to you just as you’ve turned on the sink and started running water on the small cut on your finger.

“Let me see,” You turn to him, blinking. His face was blank. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking but he was staring straight at you. “Oh, don’t worry, it’s just a small cut,” but he doesn’t waver and glances at the water running over your finger. “Let me see,” he tries again, this time rather forceful. That got you to obey. Turning the faucet off and awkwardly offering your hand to him.

He receives it and cradles it in his as if it was porcelain, upturning your hand to look at the small cut on your pointer finger. It was tiny. Really nothing compared to wounds that a knight might sustain. Albedo sighs and looks up at you, “Don’t go anywhere,” before stalking off, coming back a few seconds later with a first aid kit. “...Al, it’s alright, it’s not a big deal,” Albedo would only let one person give him a nickname. You. No one else. Frankly he thought the nickname was weird but if it danced on your lips, he didn’t mind it at all.

“Y/N, you’re mistaken if you think I’m going to take this lightly,” he takes out some ointment and a small roll of bandage, starting with the ointment. “Everything and anything that hurts you is a significant thing,” his gaze darkens, as if glowering at that microscopic cut. “Miniscule or massive, it doesn’t make a difference to me,” he starts wrapping your finger, “if it taints your skin, I cannot help but feel--” he doesn’t know the right word, but you do, judging from how his hold on your wrist tightens. 

A soft smile paints your features at how he was such a worry-wart. Sometimes he was so bad at navigating his own feelings but you could decipher them anyway, from his actions. You let him worry over you, and thank him once he’s done. He finishes his work by taking your hand, and pressing it to his lips, his eyes darting up to lock on yours. That made you blush every damn time. His green eyes were just so mesmerizing, and so was his heart.

----------

Childe

Dear mother of the Archons, perhaps whoever was responsible for your injuries had some type of death wish. Everyone should offer prayers for whoever had cut you up. Your arms and legs were littered with small scratches from trying to run away from the attackers, you thought going through the thick forest was a good idea. In essence, it had slowed the thieves down. They had managed to throw a fire bomb at you that severely burned your right hand, and the right side of your abdomen. 

Perhaps it was thanks to adrenaline running through you that you had actually managed to make it to the gates of Liyue, just before the bridge, but you’d crumpled down right then and there. The Millelith guards didn’t recognize you, but the three Fatui agents walking on the bridge did. “Someone had better tell him,” The group of Fatuis scrambled nearer to you, one of them picking you up, but glancing at the other who had just spoken up. “I’m not doing that, you do it,” it was slightly comical, seeing them pass off the duty of who was supposed to report to Childe about it. “You know how he gets when it comes to them, I’m not doing--” then one of them finally gets their bearings together.

“Shut up, get them to the healer first,” The tallest one shoves the one carrying you, urging him to go fast and off he went. Now it was just two Fatui agents looking at each other. Two Fatui agents who decided that they would just face his wrath together. “Sir,” one of them starts as Childe turns around to look at them. He actually had no tasks today and was just about to go off to find you. “About Y/N...” Childe’s eyebrows shoot up, what in the world could these agents have to say about you? “We’ve sent them to the healers, they collapsed at the entrance of Liyue, it... doesn’t look good...”

All hell descends upon Childe’s demeanor and poise. His face darkens, his eyes burning holes through the two agents and his fists closed up on his side. His bow appears and hovers behind him, the only thing that shone through his dark person. “The two of you--” he starts, “are going to find out who did it. I’m expecting a report by nightfall,”

Childe himself shows up at the healers quarters, and was told of your condition. “Their hand is going to scar,” keeps reverberating in his head. Like the sound that he imagines the skulls of those who dared touch you crunching under his feet, over and over again. Childe actually winces when he sees you. Small bandages on your arms and legs from the scratches, your right hand wrapped up adequately and, he couldn’t see it now, but he was sure your abdomen was wrapped too.

You cracked an eye open, feeling another presence in the room. Childe immediately appears next to you, leaning over the bed and watching your expression. “...It hurts, doesn’t it?” he asks, tracing over your bandaged hand. You remained quiet for a moment before nodding your head slowly. Just remembering it caused a blinding pain in your mind’s eye. You’d been given drugs to ease the pain now, but there were still traces of it lingering on your skin. “How dare they,” both your eyes snapped open at Childe’s nearly contorted voice, shadowed and overpowered by rage. 

You pick up your good hand and touch his arm with the tips of your fingers. You didn’t like it when he got like this. “Childe, it’s alright,” far from it, but it was the only reassurance you could offer. He catches your hand and brings it up to his face, pressing your hand to his cheek as if it was a lifeline. “It’s not. It’s not,” he repeats to himself, his anger also stemming from the fact that he wasn’t there to protect you. “They’ll regret even laying eyes on you,” You knew he wanted to go now, knew that he wanted to get to the bottom of it, but you yet again pull your hand away to grasp at his shirt, the fabric scrunching up under your hold. “...But stay with me for tonight? Please?” 

That got him. He would never say no. His form relaxes and he leans in to kiss your lips, gentle yet with a hidden hunger in them. “Of course,” he simply says, as if his previous agenda forgotten.

But he would never forget. He would never forget for as long as he could see that scar. 

Tomorrow, he would decimate each and every one of them.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Yuu can do it!

What if all three Yuus (from the novel, manga, and game) were sent to the same world?

Part 2

(Link to previous)

Enma Yuuken shuddered as the man leaned closer to them.

“How did you end up here? You didn’t break in, did you?”

The golden lights in the man’s eyes had long since gone out as he peered down at them, his wide-brimmed hat cast shadows over his face.

Even the weird fire-breathing cat, hothead that it was, seemed to know not to struggle. It hung limp in the man’s grip and peered up at him with something that might have been fear.

There was a nervous laugh and the dark-skinned person shook their head. “No, sir, we just woke up crammed in one of those coffins. That little thing right there broke us out of them. Honest! We don’t know where we are and, honestly, I think I’m speaking for everyone here when I say we just want to go home!”

The other guy hastily nodded his agreement. “Yeah, yeah! We’d be happy to leave!”

The lights in his eyes winked back into existence just a second too late; Enma hadn’t hesitated to throw the nearest book at him. Or the second nearest book. Or the third, or the fourth.

It was poor manners, yes, but what can he say? He was surprised (and maybe a little on edge thanks to the fire-breathing cat that had been chasing them up until approximately five seconds previously).

By the time Enma’s mind caught up to his body, he’d figured that he had pretty much committed himself to the whole ‘attacking the birdman’ thing. Enma had always been a ‘go big or go home’ kind of guy, and, unfortunately, he currently didn’t know how to go home.

“Wait –!” Said the man, pulling his cape over his head to protect himself from the many hardbound books heading his way. “I didn’t – ACK – please, I won’t – let me speak!”

Enma paused, however reluctantly. He was running out of books, after all.

The man relaxed a little now that he wasn’t being attacked, but he continued to hold his hand up protectively when he spoke next: “I would like to help you three, as I am very generous, but I need an explanation as to what is going on.”

The tiny guy next to Enma seemed to scoff and curl in on himself further.

Enma had to agree. The man in front of them looked a little too much like he was studying them for his personal tastes. Not to mention the strange magic he seemed to possess.

His hand rubbed the tiny burn on the sleeve of his robes. Originally, he had thought this a strange dream… and then the cat had sent fire his way and the heat had been so real… but that was magic and magic couldn’t be real… still, if he had experienced the pain of having bright blue flames so close to his skin, why wasn’t he waking up?

The third member of their new ragtag team of ‘friends’ jumped to their feet, smiling brightly as they held out a hand for the man to shake. “Hi! It’s nice to meet you, I’m…” Their eyes flicked to the side of the man’s head briefly, though Enma couldn’t see anything over his shoulder. “Er… I go by Jules. My pronouns are they/them.”

The man’s ‘eyes’ winked out for a second in apparent surprise before they curled upwards in a kind of smile and he dropped the cape to shake their hand. Enma wondered why he had thought it safe, and then realized that ‘Jules’ had placed themselves squarely between the two groups. He couldn’t tell who they were protecting.

“Nice to meet you… Y – Y – Yuuwes...” The man cleared his throat awkwardly. “How about we call you ‘Yuu’, instead?”

The guy next to Enma squeaked and held up a hand like a kid in school. “That won’t work, I don’t think. I’m Kuroki Yuuya. It’d get confusing.”

Enma smiled bemusedly. “And I’m Enma Yuuken. Maybe there was some kind of mix-up based on our names?”

The birdman tipped his head to the side consideringly. “It does seem to be the only commonality between you three…”

Outside of the language we speak, he corrected mentally. Though… His eyes flicked to ‘Jules’. Between their accent and darker skin and unpronounceable name, he figured it wasn’t too big of a stretch to assume that they were from somewhere else.

“Is there possibly something else we can call you?”

“... Ito,” they said after a moment’s thought. “Can you say that?”

He nodded and withdrew his hand to place it over his chest. “Nice to meet you, Ito-kun, and you two, as well. I go by Dire Crowley. I’m the headmaster of this fine institution.”

Enma sprung to his feet, stepping out from behind the newly-named Ito and giving a sheepish smile. “I’m so sorry, Headmaster, I didn’t realize you were a teacher.” He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and held the other out to shake. “Sorry.”

Crowley didn’t seem all that perturbed as he took the hand. Enma tried not to wince at how close the sharp, golden claws were to his skin. “It’s quite alright. Now, may I ask the three of you what the last thing you remember is, so we can sort out which of you is actually meant to be one of our students.”

Enma wracked his brain. “I was… heading home after Kendo club. Waiting for the bus. Then I heard these… I heard horses… and I saw this horse-drawn carriage coming at me…” He shook his head. “And then I was in that box.”

“Gate,” Crowley corrected him instantly, as if on instinct. He really was an educator. Then, he looked at the person that was steadily creeping closer.

Kuroki smiled, though it was tinged with obvious nerves. “I was riding my bike home from school. I stopped at a stoplight, and I heard this weird rattling sound – and horses, I think – and then I was in the coff – er, gate.”

Finally, it was Ito’s turn. But they were frowning at them as if they thought they were insane… which was completely unfair, by the way, horse drawn carriages were probably one of the tamer things that had happened to them all in the past few hours.

And then, somehow, they made it even all more confusing by saying: “Maybe you have to die to get here? I mean, I distinctly remember going towards my mirror headfirst and there’s no way I survived that.” They gasped. “Maybe this is the afterlife? I mean, there were coffins.”

“Gates,” Crowley stressed again.

“We’re dead?!” Kuroki whisper-yelled, eyes wide. He buried his face in his hands. “Oh god oh god oh god I can’t be dead already! I’m only sixteen!”

“Aw, dad’s gonna kill me when he finds out I died,” Ito groaned even as they gave Kuroki a couple of comforting pats on the back. “He’s gonna drag me out of whatever weird hell this is and then beat me to death again.”

“None of you are dead!” Crowley snapped. And then he paused. “At least, I don’t think…”

His eyes swept over them carefully for a moment. The pulse in Enma’s ears roared.

Crowley nodded to himself. “Yes. All three of you are alive.”

Enma distinctly did not like the fact that Crowley A) felt the need to check and B) somehow managed to do it without so much as raising a finger.

“It seems that none of you had a proper admittance… I did not detect any magic when I scanned you just now… how can that be, though? The selection process has not erred once in its century of existence…” He brought his hand to his chin thoughtfully.

Enma didn’t trust him, the man was shadier than a shadow, Crowley seemed to be his best chance of getting home, so… “Headmaster, none of us are meant to be here. Is there any way we can go back home? I have an important Kendo match tomorrow and I can’t miss it.”

“That’s what you’re worried –?!” Kuroki started, eyes wide, before cutting themselves off and falling silent.

The Headmaster didn’t seem to hear, pressing a hand to his heart and bowing his head in a theatrical display of goodwill. “Of course, for I am a gracious man.”

Kuroki raised an eyebrow so high it disappeared beyond his mop of messy black hair.

“Right this way. After the ceremony is over, you three will be free to use the Dark Mirror to get home.” He picked up the cat again, holding it by the scruff of its neck and glaring into his eyes. “And you will be going home as well, right after.”

The cat shrunk back.

Crowley seemed satisfied by this reaction, tucking the cat under his arm. He turned with a swish of his cape and started out the door.

The three met each other’s eyes, exchanging wary looks, before following after him.

It didn’t take long for Enma to recognize the fact that they were following the same route that they had come down (the burned curtains lining the windows and scorch marks were a dead giveaway). He wondered, with a wince, whether they would have to pay to get it fixed.

Crowley eyed the damage, bottom lip jutted in a pout, but at least he didn’t ask anything of them quite yet. Instead, they walked in relative silence.

Kuroki had grabbed onto Ito’s arm, walking just behind them with his head peeking around their shoulder warily as they made their way through the halls. Enma himself walked just behind them, hands stuffed in the hidden pockets of his robe. With their hoods pointing at the ends where they had been pulled low over their eyes and the back of their robes just barely trailing behind them, they looked, funnily enough, like ducklings following the person they had imprinted on.

Wrong animal, thought Enma. Wrong relationship, too.

Because, as ‘generous’ and ‘gracious’ as the Headmaster claimed to be, Enma doubted any of them truly believed him for a second.

They neared the doors they had come in through, and whispers of conversation floated over to them:

“Was that the last one, finally?” Said someone, their voice so deep it was practically a growl.

“There should be one more,” said another person, their tone clipped and stern.

“No one’s coming forward. Maybe they chickened out,” said someone new, their voice more of a sigh than anything else. “Can’t we just go? There’s an event starting in thirty minutes and I need my tablet to play.”

“Does anyone know where the Headmaster went? He disappeared halfway through the ceremony,” another voice chimed in – almost literally, their voice was almost musical in how nice it was on the ears.

“Some Headmaster he is,” the sighing voice grumbled.

“Maybe he had a tummy ache?” Said a new voice, far louder than was strictly necessary.

Said Headmaster, apparently, had had enough of being talked about behind his back. He sped up for the last few strides and then kicked the door open. It hit the wall with a resounding clang that drew the attention of the many cloaked figures.

“Oh god, it’s a cult,” murmured Kuroki.

Crowley, however, was more concerned with something else. Something far more important:

“I most certainly did not have a tummy ache!”

A kid with white hair, presumably the one who had suggested it, ducked their head slightly with an embarrassed smile.

“If you must know, I was searching for the student who missed orientation.”

Many heads turned their attention to the three ‘Yuu’s trailing behind him. Kuroki cringed and ducked further behind an unperturbed Ito. Enma gave his politest smile and wave before sticking his hands deep in his pockets again.

“However, it seems to have been a mix-up of sorts. These three cannot even use magic. So, the last seat will remain untaken.”

The cat from before perked up and started thrashing in the Headmaster’s grip. Crowley’s grip loosened on him in his surprise and that was all it needed to break free.

It ran up to the weird mirror in the middle of the room – presumably for safety – before turning to face them all again, forked tail flicking from side to side. “Me! Let me take their spot!”

“Not so fast, you hyperactive weasel!”

“Unlike those humans, I can actually use magic! So, let me be a student here,” said the cat (or was Crowley right? Was it a weasel? Enma really couldn’t tell), crossing his arms over his chest confidently.

Said confidence was, apparently, unearned. Many of the cloaked figures started to laugh or turned to their friends to whisper, amused grins poking out from behind their hoods.

“A monster? Become a magician?”

“As if!”

“Tell that joke when you go back to the mountains, tanuki!”

Enma frowned, opening his mouth to say something, but he was beaten to the punch:

“What’d you just say?!” The cat/tanuki/weasel/monster/THING yelled, turning on the people laughing at him. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to show you my greatest magic, huh?”

Blue flames sparked in the monster’s mouth as it took a deep breath in.

“EVERYONE GET DOWN!”

~~~

(Link to next)

[ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa]

Of Constellations & Creeds

Chapter 21: Fire of Devotion 

Summary/Author’s Note: Din presents you with a gift that he has had for while. You start exploring what it means to work as a team and meet a fiery mechanic that takes a shine to you. 

There is a note at the end for what something looks like if you guys are having a hard time picturing it. I tried to do my best. Thank you for reading! 

Pairing: Din Djarin x F!reader (Alpha/Omega/soulmates AU) Word Count:  5k Warnings/Promises: Mature/18+ - language, sexual themes, weapons/shooting

[Previous Chapter] [Series Masterlist] [My Complete Masterlist]

--

This is what dreaming felt like. 

You were the perfect temperature of warm bodies and crisp blankets. Sprawled among the sheets, you lucidly stretched your body as your mind slowly woke up the rest of your limbs. You started by wiggling your toes while you listened to the birds chitter in the trees outside the barn, your ankles, your back, and lastly your arms. You quietly popped your fingers as you brought them up to rub gently at the back of your sore neck with a groan. 

"Shit."

You winced as you stretched your arms and suddenly remembered why your shoulder was so tender. Rotating the cuff much slower, you worked the stiffness out of the muscle until you could move it more freely. That was at least a little better. 

Before falling into bed last night, Din had ravished you against the wall, then again on the ground, neither one of you able to stop long enough to tear yourselves apart. The idea of moving into the comfort of your bed never came up, due to not wanting to wake the kid and once again...that required you to stop touching each other. Whatever discomfort you felt had absolutely been worth it. 

The morning sun was warm on your face and you opened your eyes to find the Mandalorian facing you...still helmetless. You had worried the moment you fell asleep everything would have ceased to have happened. You really wouldn't have seen his face. You really wouldn't have received his mark. But he had sleepily assured you that closing your eyes erased nothing and he promised to be here when you woke up. Everything you had done last night was no dream. It had been very, very real. 

“Din?” you whispered almost inaudible, as if to test him. 

His eyes were closed and his mouth open ever so slightly as he continued to sleep with his arm bent behind his head against his pillow. He looked younger in the sunlight. The gentle rays tinting his already light brown skin to a warm sienna, it did the same to his hair, finding the small strands of molten gold throughout the tousled dark curls. He was so handsome and you had yet to tell him, but something told you he wouldn't believe you even if you did. 

Did Mandalorians have a concept of beauty? When you spent your entire adolescence with a helmet on, you couldn’t imagine it mattered much what the person underneath looked like. It leveled the playing field so to speak. While society squabbled over such trivial attributes, you imagined Mandalore was more concerned with your ability to win a fight, to negotiate, to contribute to your clan.

It used to be easy to look at him with disdain. Then that disdain turned to something little more than convenient indifference. It was easy to blame him for the destruction of your home world, for the loss of your old life. Anger was always easier. And yet as you looked at him now, and fought the desperate urge to trace the bridge of his nose with the tip of your finger, you knew you felt something else towards him. Something that you hadn't felt in a very long time. Something that felt a lot like affection...a lot like love.

Yes, to you Din was beautiful. But then again when you loved someone, weren’t they always? There was that word again. It made you smile quietly to yourself as you mulled it over in your mind. 

Leaning forward, you pressed your lips to his, a chaste kiss that caused a soft groan to come from somewhere deep in his chest as his arm slid around your middle. 

"Good morning," you whispered against his mouth and he grunted, not bothering to open his eyes. 

"Ten more minutes."

You smiled, kissing him again as he pulled you closer. You reached down and grabbed the blanket before pulling it up over the both of you more securely. For a man that never took a break, he loved sleep more than anyone you had ever met. 

"Alright, ten more minutes," you said quietly as you moved to kiss his cheek before tucking your head under his chin against his chest and closing your eyes. 

--

Saying goodbye to Omera and Sorgan was more painful than you imagined it would be. She was the first person who understood your struggle. If it weren't for her who knew how long it would take you and the Mandalorian to find one another. But no matter how you felt, you couldn't stay here and she couldn't come with you. It seemed everywhere you went there was something new to lose, a new heartache to experience, and as you hugged her tightly and held back your tears she was added to the long list of loss in your life.

"You'll always have a place here," she said quietly as you squeezed her tighter. It's as if she knew you were trying not to fall apart. She felt the soft cloth that you had used to bandage your shoulder and she leaned back to see your face and give you a knowing grin. “But you are now right where you’re supposed to be.”

"Thank you," you said, wiping your eyes as she fixed the shawl around your shoulders and gave your arms a pat. 

“Keep up with your meditations. They’ll help.”

“I know.”

"Take care of them," she nodded to the man behind you who was holding the child and waiting patiently for you by the cart. "But don't forget to take care of yourself."

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

The trip back through the woods to the Razor Crest was a somber one and you watched as the child stood at the back of the cart and waved its tiny three-fingered hand at the group of children who were waving in return. You leaned forward and rubbed the space between its massive ears gently. However you were feeling was probably nothing compared to the little guy. He didn't know what was going on, or that there were people hunting him, or why you couldn't stay in such a beautiful place where he had made so many friends. It was tough being a kid in such a big world. Maker, it was tough being an adult in such a big world. 

You looked back as you felt Din put his hand on the small of your back and lean his helmet against your temple for the briefest of moments. You lowered your walls ever so slightly and accepted the comfort that he sent your way. Maybe Omera had been right, maybe he had wanted to stay too. 

--

Being back on the Razor Crest came pretty naturally to the three of you and to say you were surprised was an understatement. Fresh supplies from Sorgan filled the storage bunker and with more variety to eat than prepackaged rations, your spirits were much higher than they had been previously. 

“Come on, kid,” you said, gently as you picked up the child and straightened his burlap cloak. “Nap time.” 

“Ba-to!” he squeaked, raising his arms up and giving you a two-toothed smile that warmed your heart. 

“Just for a little bit,” you assured him. “Then you can come up front and help pilot. Sound good?” 

“Ah-yo!”

“No, no, I promise,” you answered him like you were having a full conversation. “I’ll make him let you. You’re plenty old enough,” you scoffed with a laugh. “You just need a few phone books to sit on.”

He gave another happy squeak as you sat him in the hammock hanging above Din’s bed and tucked him in. You dug out the small stuffed frog that Winta had made for him back on Sorgan, with it’s bright blue felt skin and lopsided eyes, and helped him nestle it under his chin. You gave him a soft pat on the head and waited for him to close his eyes before pressing the button on the panel that closed the door with a quiet hiss. 

You heard your name being said from above you and you went to the ladder that led to the cockpit, looking up to see the Mandalorian looking down. He had brought the ship out of hyperdrive for the time being as you researched a plan of action. Without coordinates, it was pointless to travel in circles and waste precious fuel.

“Can you come up here for a second?” he asked and you nodded. 

Taking one rung at a time, you hauled yourself up into the main hull and gratefully accepted his help in order to plop your butt on the floor with a smile. You didn’t have to see his face to know he was smiling back. 

There had been precious little time for him to take off his helmet once you were back on the ship. Somehow the ship was less private than the bed you had shared in the barn. Although you were disappointed not to be able to look over and see his face whenever you wanted, you understood. This was a new experience for him in a way you would never understand, a type of vulnerability that you would never know, but how you longed to kiss him properly again. You wanted to feel his lips on the back of your neck as he curled himself behind you for sleep. All selfish reasons, of course, but that didn’t diminish them in any capacity. 

“What’s up?” you asked as you leaned back on your hands and looked at him where he stooped beside the captain’s chair. 

“I got you something.”

“Me?” You leaned up with widening eyes as you put a hand to your chest in question. 

“Is there someone else I’m traveling with?” he asked and you glared at him before realizing it was his poor attempt at dry humor. “Yes, you.”

He moved under the chair and dragged a medium sized trunk out from the alcove created by the dashboard and the control panel. You recognized it as the trunk he had received from the armorer back on Nevarro. It was a dark slate colored material and he popped the latches before 

beckoning you closer.

“I hope you like them.”

“Whatever it is,” you encouraged him. “I’m sure I will.”

“You don’t have to use any of it if you don’t want to--”

“Din, just show me.”

“Alright, okay,” he let out a heavy breath and lifted the lid before spinning the entire thing slowly around to show you.  

“You didn’t have to get me anyth--oh, goddess,” you said softly in amazement. 

Inside, carefully protected by a velvet type of lining, were crafted pieces of a silver metal. You hesitated, reaching out to touch one of them and thinking better of it before looking at him as if you needed permission. With a careful nod of his helmet, you picked up one of the cylindrical pieces and brought it closer for inspection. 

“Is it--?”

“Beskar,” he nodded. “It’s yours.”

“Din, I--”

He held up a gloved hand to stop any argument you may have had and helped you take the pieces out one by one. Two bracers that fit perfectly over your wrists and protected your forearms about two inches from your elbows. He took them gently and slipped them over your tender skin before locking them into place and letting you get used to the feeling. You made a fist with both of your hands a few times, opening and squeezing, testing how they felt.

“They lock like this,” he said after completing the motion. “They’ll deflect anything. Blaster-proof. Just hold your arm like you would defensively,” he instructed, pulling your arm up to protect your face and tapping it once with his finger. “Ping. Right off the beskar. We can practice.”

“Handy,” you nodded and he dove back into the box for the next piece. 

“This,” he offered the single pauldron to you, moving around your body slightly to fit it to your non-dominant shoulder. “Protects your dominant side by sitting opposite it.”

“Because I turn my body away from the blow?”

“Exactly.” He put it over your shoulder and clamped it down around your bicep. Hooking it securely across your torso. “Plus, the added weight on your dominant arm would slow you down if you’re using your staff.”

“Makes sense.”

“Move your arm,” he said and when you did, he adjusted it slightly. “How’s that?”

“It’s extremely generous and useful but--”

“No buts.”

“I--”

“You’re my Omega,” he interrupted you gently. “You have the right to wear it. And it’ll help keep you safe--and if you’re safe, I’m focused.” His hand came down to rest gently over your shoulder blade, covering the still tender skin of where he had marked you. 

He had a point but it still made your ears burn with embarrassment. You knew he didn’t mean it as an insult to your abilities. You had more than proven you could handle your own when you first met, but the knowledge that your safety proved a distraction to him still made you feel guilty. You felt the sudden need to apologize but you knew Din wouldn’t want to hear it, let alone entertain such an idea.

“There’s one more piece,” he said gently. He held it out gently and when you looked at him in confusion he offered his hands forward. “Can I?”

You nodded and sat still with your hands in your lap as he made sure any stray pieces of your hair were out of the way. Even with the gloves and his armor, he was always so gentle, so careful. When he was satisfied he held out the silver circlet and slipped it around the front of your forehead and over your temples. The blocky beskar came to a strong point between your brows and the edges came down in front of your ears to frame the sides of your face. Each subtle point that mirrored the larger one turned what would have been an ordinary face guard into something much more symbolic. 

“I feel ridiculous,” you said softly, not wanting to hurt his feelings but also having a hard time wrapping your head around the idea that such a piece of finery was really necessary. 

“You look breathtaking,” he argued and it made you smile. “You’re an Omega, an Ursa at that--people deserve to know.” He swallowed hard and nodded to the box. “If we find more beskar I can have a proper helmet made instead of--”

“A tiara?” you asked with a bite of wit and he chuckled. 

“It has more purpose than that, I promise.” He touched the sides that came down almost level with your jaw line. “These protect your peripherals--keeps light from obscuring your view for long range weapons.”

“Smart.”

“And this,” he touched higher, closer to your ear and a soft static hum came before you heard his next words twice, almost overlapping one another. “Has a direct com line to me.”

“That,” you put your hand over his and spoke into the mic as if to test it the other way. “Is incredibly useful.”

He gave a nod to signal that it had worked and he dropped his hand from your face to rest comfortably on your thigh. You put your hand over his and held in gently. It was beautifully crafted and you were having a hard time coming to terms with the idea that he had spent any of the rarest metal in the world on something for you. But that wasn’t the only issue, no, there was something else. An issue of the timeline. 

“When did you have this made?” you asked, tracing the metal etching that lined the outside of the bracer. 

“When we got the bounty on the kid--I had it made along with mine.”

“But that was before I agreed to be your Omega,” you said carefully, watching his body for any sign of tension. There wasn’t any. 

“I know.”

You bit your lip and looked down. With a shake of your head, you swallowed the lump in your throat before speaking. “What if I would have left? What if I never agreed to this? You--”

“But you didn’t.”

“But I could have,” you argued. “And then all of this would have been for nothing. You--”

“I had a feeling.”

You looked at him in awe and realized how much he had staked on you making the right decision. He would have sooner sold his beskar than taken away your freedom, the freedom to choose what you wanted. He had hoped against all hope that you would eventually want him, but there was no guarantee. To Din it was all left up to faith. Faith in his creed, faith in his people, faith in you. It was hard not to feel undeserving of such things, but it only confirmed that perhaps it was time that you had a little faith in him. 

Going up on your knees, you moved the metal storage box out of the way and grabbed him by the front of his chestplate. He said your name softly as you slid into his lap and his hands came around to rest on the swell of your hips. You tilted his helmet back just enough to kiss his lips, drawing a soft sound from them as he tasted you. 

“Thank you,” you said quietly and you were glad you could see his mouth move up in a genuine smile. 

“You’re very welcome.”

The more moments like this that you had, the easier it became to realize just how ‘all in’ you were when it came to the bounty hunter. When he had stepped off of his ship and chased you through the woods now flight like a lifetime ago and in a way it was. That was a different life completely. And you were okay with that. The world seemed a lot less scary now that you were on the same team. 

You leaned in to kiss him again but there was a loud bang and whoosh of energy as something dropped out of hyperspace and the Razor Crest rocked slowly. Din lowered his helmet and the two of you looked around before you slowly climbed out of his lap and to your feet. 

“What was that?”

“I’m not sure.” 

He moved to the pilot’s chair and leaned over the control board, inspecting the map and waiting for the radar to ping something back. Nearly the exact moment a blip showed up on the neon green screen, a blast screamed passed your vessel and struck the ship, rocking it back and forth. 

“Buckle in,” he barked and the two of you moved to your respective places. 

You fell into the co-pilot bucket seat to the right of the Mandalorian and placed your feet up on the footrest to brace yourself. As soon as you clicked your seat belt, your fingers instinctively wrapped around the control stick in front of you and reached up to flip the buttons on your side of the dash. Your side of the ship whirred to life as you shared control of the panel with Din, making it easier for him to focus on flying. Like you had told him before, if he handled the fancy maneuvering, you could squeeze a trigger.

Another wave of fire lit up the dark atmosphere around you and Din turned the ship to try and find the culprit behind the attack. 

“If the kid sleeps through this, I’ll be impressed,” Din said as he swiveled his own chair around and jammed the buttons for the back up thrusters. 

“I’m pretty sure he could sleep through anything,” you agreed.

“Pa-too!” 

The two of you both whipped around to see the small, green thing standing in the doorway with its arms in the air and a wide smile. 

“You were saying?” the bounty hunter chuckled and the child stumbled its way to you as the ship took a nosedive. You barely had time to grab him by the tiny cloak and haul him into your lap. 

“Got ya!” you said and he squealed with laughter. At least someone found your current predicament funny. You tucked him on your lap securely as a series of blaster fire whizzed passed the sides of the ship.  

“Hand over the Child, Mando.” A deep voice said through the com-system and when the child in question squealed again you clapped your hand over his mouth. Another round of shots pinged around you and the crest gave a jolt as one of the engines took a hit. “I might let you live.”

“Guild?” you asked and Mando nodded before grabbing a large lever to his right and yanking it down quickly. 

“You got both hands on the blaster cannons?” he asked. When you nodded, he continued. “When I say fire, let ‘em have it.”

Another hit rocked the ship as the engine on the left started to sputter and burst into flames before it powered down. Din cursed quietly under his helmet and pulled another lever to quickly power down both engines. “Hold on!” he yelled over the roar of the enemy ship as he rolled the crest out of the way of another round of fire. Stars streaked passed the windows as you both stared upwards and the other ship came directly into view. 

“I can bring you in warm,” the enemy bounty hunter said flatly, “...or I can bring you in cold.”

“That's my line,” Din said in a deadly tone before he hit the thrusters and pointed at you and the kid. “Fire!”

You squeezed the trigger on the gun leavers and shots fired from the front of the razor crest, exploding the smaller ship into a wave of orange fire and metal debris. You flinched away from the bright light and the child clapped its tiny hands as Din gave you an approving nod. 

“Oh-ah!”

“Not bad, little one,” you laughed softly, kissing the top of his green head between his ears. “Not bad.” Din clicked on a few of the switches above his head and the dashboard lit up in a series of red and orange lights. You watched him carefully and waited until he stopped before you spoke. “How bad is it?” 

“We’re losing fuel,” he said, pulling up the map and thumbing through a few different screens. He thumbed through a few of the nearby planets before double tapping the screen and bringing up one of the larger orbs. “Mos Eisley is the closest place where we could dock and get some repairs.”

“Will we make it?”

“Of course.” He pulled another leaver and the ship gave a lurch forward before it evened out. “We have enough in the power reserves to get us there--don’t worry.” 

“I’m not worried,” you said, biting your lip to keep a soft smile from gracing your features. The truth was, with Din, you were never worried. 

--

Mos Eisley was the largest spaceport on the planet of Tatooine. Din explained that what it lacked in a centralized docking bay, they made up for in the fact that they had hundreds of hangars that were each maintained by individual workers and mechanics. It sounded impressive but to you it looked like little more than a patch of dust and poorly refined sandcastles. 

The control tower told you to head for bay three-five and the Mandalorian copied as he steered the ship in that direction. The Crest had definitely seen better days as it sputtered and landed with jerky movements before finally touching down in a puff of sand and a clang of metal. 

As you drifted through the vast emptiness of space before entering the atmosphere, the child had somehow lulled himself back to sleep. It was actually pretty impressive the amount of naps he managed to squeeze in in a day. 

You carefully tucked him back into the sleeping compartment and put on the rest of the clothing you had from Arvala-7. It was still breathable but it wasn’t nearly as light as the cloth you had sported back on Sorgan. The leather riding pants and bantha hide boots would keep the sand out of your more intimate places, while the tan corded top and matching cloak kept your skin protected from the harsh sun without absorbing much of the light. 

The beskar looked out of place with the rest of your attire, but something told you it was just the fact that you weren’t used to it. What was your favorite mantra as of late? One thing at a time. 

You stopped in the doorway to the refresher and couldn’t help but stare at your reflection in the mirror. The metal of the headpiece that Din had tucked gingerly into your hairline. You had spent most of your life running from what you were: an Omega, an Ursa, a royal lineage of some kind that you had no desire to uphold. And yet, the tangible evidence was glittering on your forehead. Had Din designed such a thing or had it been at the behest of the Armorer? Somehow you felt you knew the answer to that. 

You saw Din appear behind you in the mirror before you ever heard him and you prided yourself on not nearly jumping out of your skin. 

"Good to go?"

When you nodded, he hit the button that started to lower the ramp on the main hull and you squinted against the bright sun. As you walked down the ramp a group of rust colored droids popped up from their current task and scurried towards the Mandalorian. Their saucer-shaped heads bobbed in place making them look like mushrooms on stilts as they surveyed the ship and chipped back and forth to one another.

Din pushed back his cloak and drew his blaster, firing one shot from the hip into the dirt. The droid squealed and jumped into the air before clamming up into a tiny ball. 

“Mando!” you jumped and looked at him in surprise before looking back to the shivering droid. 

“Hey!” a woman’s voice screeched from inside the building connected to the hangar. She pointed at the two of you through the window of what looked to be a very dusty office. “HEY!” she yelled again, scrambling out the door and stomping over to you. 

Next to the Mandalorian she was incredibly short, but her demeanor was so incredibly scrappy that you weren’t entirely sure who you would bet on if the two of them were in a fight. Her grey mechanic’s jumpsuit was dusty and oil stained from no doubt thousands of ship repairs. Her hair was incredibly curly, poofing out in tight ringlets all around her head to her shoulders and seemed to be growing by the second as she jabbed her finger at Din’s chest.

“You damage one of my droids, you pay for it!”

“Just keep them away from my ship,” Din said flatly, pointed his own gloved finger to the fear-filled robot.

“Yeah? You think that's a good idea, do ya?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest before looking at you. “Blink twice if this brute is holding you hostage, honey. Though by the looks of ya, I’d say you can handle your own.”

“I’m sorry,” you apologized on Din’s behalf before you introduced yourself and stepped in front of him. “We just need some repairs.”

“The name’s Peli,” she returned the politeness and shook your hand with strong, jerky movements. “He always this grumpy?” she nodded at the bounty hunter.

“Actually you caught him on a good day,” you smiled and she chuckled. Din sighed.

“Alright, well, let's look at your ship.” She picked up a clipboard and walked over to the crest. Looking it up and down slowly, she made a fist and knocked twice on the main hull and listened to the klonk that came from the inside.

“Is it bad?” you asked.  

“Oof…” she winced as she wrote some things down. “Look at that.” She looked over her shoulder at you before gesturing to the sides of the ship. “Bad? You got a lot of carbon scoring building up top. Ya know--If I didn't know better, I'd think you were in a shootout.”

“Well…” you started and Din cleared his throat.

“Can you fix it?”

“Special tool for that one. Oh ya, I'm gonna have to rotate that…” She mumbled. Peli ignored you both as she continued to poke and prod the undercarriage of the ship before pulling down a side panel and coughing at the smoke that it produced. “You got a fuel leak! Look at that, this is a mess! How did you even land? That's gonna set you back.”

Din looked down at her as she walked back up to him and he tossed over a coin purse that jingled when she caught it. “I've got 500 Imperial Credits.”

“That all you got? Well…” she weighed the money in her hand and worried her bottom lip between her teeth. She turned to the droids who were slowly approaching again now that she was there to protect them. “What do you guys think? I mean-- that should at least cover the hangar.”

“I'll get you your money,” Din reassured her.

“Ha! I've heard that before,” she rolled her eyes.

“I promise, we’ll pay you somehow,” you interjected and Peli looked you over again before waggling her finger at you. 

“Now, you I believe.” 

That made you smile and she returned it. 

“Just remember--” Din started.

“Yeah. Yeah. No droids. I heard ya.” She stuffed the credits in her pocket. “You don't have to say it twice. Jeez. Womp rat.” She mumbled the last under her breath as the two of you took her dismissal as a sign you were free to leave. 

You waited until you and Din were out of earshot before you glared at him in disappointment. “We have got to work on your people skills.”

--

Note: When imagining the headpiece Din had made for you, I was drawing heavy inspiration off of Queen Hippolyta’s crown. Something that keeps your hair out of the way, looks futuristic and strong. 

Hey guys, as always there is always room on the tag lists! That being said there are about 300+ of you that want to be tagged in this fic and that is totally cool, but I am human and I miss names and forget tags, SO–if your tag didn’t work, I forgot it, or you want to be moved to another group, please message me or send me an ask. Even if you have already sent me one reminding me, I PROMISE it was not on purpose. A lot of times I wont answer until I have PHYSICALLY put you on the tag list that way I don’t forget! Thank you so much. - K

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[kamino-blues]

can i request gregor flirting relentlessly w reader who doesnt quite know how to respond?? bc they think this is just the way he acts? so he literally has to be straightforward and vulnerable w them to convince them that he likes them 🥺🥺🥺 LOVE UR WRITING SO MUCH !!!!

Rating: Pg & Sfw

Warnings: Some really cheesy flirting, reader mentally complaining at the beginning about said flirting, a tiny bit of jealousy from the reader (For a few paragraphs, just used to move the plot forward!), Pre-relationship, living together, Bartender!Reader, confessions

Word Count: 2k

Note: Hi this ask is absolutely adorable, I had so much fun writing this!! I went on a chaotic quest of looking up cheesy pick up lines I'm ngl 🤣I really hope you enjoy, thank you so much for the ask!!! 💕

Working at Cid’s bar has been an experience, to say the least. You have met a variety of patrons, from tough bounty hunters to those just trying to escape from their usual life. Nothing, and you mean nothing, has prepared you for the chaos that is Gregor.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t worked with clones before, you had interacted multiple times with the Bad Batch. They just didn’t interact the way that Gregor did with you.

When you first met him, he was being helped into the main area of the parlor by Echo. There was a loopy looking smile plastered on his face as he was lightly placed on the floor. Quickly you slid out from behind the bar, looking at the pair in front of you.

“What happened?” You quickly uttered out, getting ready to sprint back to Cid to let her know that there was a mysterious (and handsome) clone sprawled out on the floor in her bar. Echo opened up his mouth to explain what was going on, but the mysterious clone spoke over him.

“People I know call me different names, I don’t care what they use. But with you, I’d prefer if you call me mine~” The clone purred out with a wink, falling into a small fit of giggles. You were utterly speechless, staring at the clone with a blank look on your face. A light blush slowly started to slip onto your cheeks as you realized what he had said to you. You quietly let them know that you were going to grab Cid, practically running away from the pair to the back room.

You heard the clone yell out to ‘Comm him’ as you ran away, and you went to hide in Cid’s office, letting her know what was going on.

After that interaction, you figured that you would only have a few more interactions with him before he would leave. What you didn’t realize was that Gregor was being dropped off by the Bad Batch to stay at the bar.

The biggest surprise to you was that it was decided that he would be staying in your apartment while he recovers. It was an interesting night when you found out, the doorbell ringing as you were getting ready for bed.

Opening the door, you suppressed a groan, seeing the flirtatious clone you saw before standing in front of you.

“Let me make a call real quick, um I don’t think I ever got your real name.” You muttered out as you started dialing Cid’s number into your comm.

“Can I help you?” You spoke, your tone blunter then it would normally be. The mysterious clone rubbed his neck, a little titter falling from his lips.

“Cid sent me over, she said that I could stay with you?” You raised an eyebrow at him, before opening the door to let him in.

“Gregor’s the name sweet-“ You took your focus off of him as Cid picked up the phone, walking out of the room into the kitchen.

After a long talk, it was official. Gregor would be staying with you, and also working with you at the bar. Letting out a sigh, you rested your head in your hands, leaning against the kitchen counter.

You heard footsteps, stopping a few feet away from you. Moving your hands from your eyes, you saw Gregor looking at you curiously. You gave him a small smile, accepting your fate as you pushed yourself up to sit on the counter.

“So you are living here now,” You stated, not moving your eyes from him. Gregor nodded, giving you a small wink.

“I guess I am,” You saw him glance at your comm, and you could almost see the lightbulb go off in his head, especially with the way he started to smirk.

“You know, I think there’s something wrong with my comm. Your number’s not in it.” You stared at him for a few moments before rolling your eyes, taking your comm off to throw it at him. He fumbled with it, before successfully capturing it in his hands.

“Put your number in there than wonder boy.” You muttered out, turning away from him to cover the blush that was starting to form on your cheeks.

Your movement didn’t stop you from missing the large smile that slipped onto his face when you threw the nickname out. You heard him typing on your comm, you turning back when he exclaimed that he was done.

Gregor held the comm out, your hand brushing lightly against his as you grabbed it. The blush wasn’t leaving your cheeks, especially when you looked down and saw that he put his name in as ‘Wonder Boy 💛'.

You quickly let out that you were going to head in for the night, and practically jogged to your room. But Gregor couldn’t leave without wishing you goodnight in his own way could he?

“Sweet dreams… I hope I’m in them!” You heard him call out, and as soon as you shut your door, you leaned against it, sliding down with your face in your hands.

Your face was completely flushed, not knowing how to handle the constant flirting. It just had to be his personality, surely he was just messing with you. In fact, you were positive that he was just joking around! But why were you so affected by his words?

The next few weeks went by pretty quickly, even though you weren't used to the constant attention Gregor was sending your way.

It almost felt natural, him living with you. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, he was honestly a sweetheart, and also a big help around your apartment.

You were falling headfirst for him, and there was nothing you could do. So as you were making drinks behind the bar, it was your goal to stay focused on your work instead of him.

However, it was almost as if he heard your thoughts, him sliding over so he could ‘clean the bar’.

“Any chance you have an extra heart? Mine’s been stolen!” You rolled your eyes, and he held his chest in dramatics. “I’m serious! You don’t want me to die do you?”

“I mean-“ You stifled the laughter that threatened to fall from your lips. The look on his face was priceless, and you couldn’t stop the giggle that slipped from your lips. You saw Gregor trying to conceal his own smile.

“You wound me!” You couldn’t hold back your laugh, and the both of you fell into a fit of giggles. You heard Cid yelling at the two of you to get back to work, and you both fought off your giggles as you went back to what you were previously doing.

The rest of the night went by pretty smoothly, until right before closing. You were almost done with cleaning up until you saw Gregor laughing with a cute girl.

Your eyes widened, before your face flushed in embarrassment. Why were you falling for him? It was clear that he was like this with everyone. You finished up, before walking out of the bar, leaving without waiting for Gregor.

After a little while of wandering around, you stopped at the local park, sitting on one of the benches. You brought your knees to your chest, tears in the corner of your eyes as you looked around.

You felt your wrist buzz, and you knew who it was right away. You paused, not wanting to pick up. Though you knew better, he would probably scour the whole city to make sure you were ok. Tapping the answer button, you took a deep breath.

“Hello?” Your voice cracked, which caused you to flinch.

“Hey, where are you? You were here one second and then gone the next,” you heard him let out a nervous giggle, before a sigh fell over his lips. “Are you safe?”

You nodded, before you realized he couldn’t see you. “Yeah, yeah I’m all good. Don’t worry about me, ok?” You heard him take another breath, him seemingly debating on what to say.

“You may be out of sight right now, but you’re never out of my mind.” Gregor settled with, and you groaned. He let out a small laugh, before his tone turned serious. “Really though, where are you?”

“The park, the one a few blocks away from the parlor,” You told him. As much as you didn't want to see him face to face, the tone he had was the most serious you had ever heard so you complied.

“I’ll be there in a few, stay where you are ok?” You heard him shuffling, and it almost sounded as though he was running.

“Ok wonder boy, I’ll see you soon,” You heard him click off the comm, and you rested your head on your knees, mentally preparing yourself for the conversation you weren’t ready to have.

Gregor was true to his words, he was there in a few minutes. He slipped onto the bench next to you, taking in your form. Spotting the tears, a frown slipped onto his face.

“You don’t have to answer this, what’s wrong cyare?” You tilted your head at the nickname, before looking away from Gregor. You had so much you wanted to say, but at the same time you weren’t ready for the embarrassment.

“I.. When you talk with me, you’re joking around right?” Your face was bright red in embarrassment, not wanting to come out and ask him if he meant the flirting. Gregor stared at you, it slowly clicking in his head what you meant.

“Do you.. want me to be joking?” You squeezed your eyes shut at his response, not knowing how to respond. You shook your head, and you felt his arm wrap around your shoulders. You leaned your head on his shoulder, thinking of what to say.

“When I saw you with that girl in the bar, it clicked with me that you probably flirt with everyone, that it isn’t just me. I mean, you’ve been like this since minute one-“ you felt his grip tighten on your shoulder, a sigh falling from his lips.

“I wasn’t flirting with her cyare,” He let out another nervous giggle, “Ever since the last incident I had with my old line of work.. Before the gunshot I mean,, I’ve had a hard time filtering some of my thoughts and emotions. Flirting with you was the only way I could handle my crush on you. I.. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” You were sure he felt you tense in his arms. Gregor started to move away, but you lifted your head, moving to grab his hands in yours.

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable Gregor, not at all… I just misinterpreted…” You trailed off, looking up at Gregor. He had a small smile, eyes light as he looked at you.

“Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back,” You let out a small giggle, him joining you until you responded.

“Of course you can,” Gregors face had a wide smile on it, and you couldn’t stop yourself from giving him a peck on his lips. You moved to pull away, but he moved his hands onto your mid back, pulling you towards him.

Your lips collided once again, lasting for a lot longer than the last kiss. Your eyes slipped close, savoring the soft kiss that you never thought that you would have. As you both slowly pulled away, you leaned forward, resting your forehead on his.

As you basked in each other's presence in the cool evening air, it truly felt like the start of something new.

[bubblyhoney]

can i request a fic where sapnap takes the reader to his hometown? like the classic going to places he went to when he was younger. maybe playgrounds and ice cream shops idk

places i used to go

warnings: language of course, an allusion to virginap, my uneducated guess of what sapnap was like in highschool, tiny detail of long haired!sapnap, singular canon detail of underage drinking, jokish about marriage

tags: sapnap x gn!reader

words: 2191

A/N: you are a god, anon. i love comfy and nostalgic fics like these and it was so fun to write. if you hate it dont tell me but if you like it lemme know akskdjd

inbox/requests: open

-

The wind whips fast on your bare fingers, cool and quick and raising goosebumps in its wake. You blink in the haze of the early sunset, head lolled to the side of the headrest. It feels good.

“That’s where I went to high school.” Sapnap interrupts your thoughts and points a finger at a collection of tall brick buildings down a side street. The silver of the lettering is dull, but you can still feel the nostalgia.

“And you’re about to see the park that me and my friends used to hang out at after work and—actually, nevermind.” His arm drops to the middle console and he looks straight ahead with slightly pinker cheeks.

“Do what?” You ask, voice all sweet, and a grin grows on your face. You turn towards him and wiggle your eyebrows.

“Nothing. Homework.” He avoids your eye contact and hikes his hand up higher on the steering wheel. “Anyways— Do you want to get some food before we head out? I know a great place.”

You two were just coming to a close on your little trip to visit his family; it was his step-mom’s birthday and you decided to make a week of it. It was your first long-term trip with Sapnap, and also your first time meeting his dad’s side of the family. You were proud to say she loved you. His little sister took a little more effort to talk to you of her own volition, but soon enough she was on your side.

You have a couple hours to kill before making your flight back home, so Sapnap has taken it upon himself to give you a quick tour of his hometown.

“Yeah,” you decide, bottom lip popped out. “Can we get ice cream after?”

“Uh, duh.” The Neighbourhood’s Stargazing starts through the speakers and he reaches to turn it down. “I’m so ready to get home and sleep.” He stretches his neck in his seat, letting out an uncharacteristically inappropriate grunt when his bones pop. You make a disgusted face, nose wrinkling, but stretch your own back, slumping down in the seat. The day had been full of packing up and this horrible hike his dad liked to do early in the mornings, so you two were pretty beat.

“Okay, we’re here,” he announces three sleepy minutes later in his best attempt at a whisper. Lifting your head off of the corner of your seat, you blink in the setting sunlight as a yawn splits your face. “You’re so cute.”

“Shut up,” you mumble, and struggle to get your seatbelt off in that post-nap haze. You’d barely been asleep for thirty seconds, damn it. The air is a swampy heat when you step out of the car onto rocky gravel and nearly twist your ankle climbing over the curb. Sapnap catches you by the lower back, trying to hide his laugh but failing miserably. You slide him a dirty look, smacking his shoulder as hard as you can manage while limping towards the front entrance.

The door jingles when you two breach the doorway, alerting a bored-looking hostess that the circus has arrived. She looks at Sapnap a second longer than she should, eyebrows screwed together in silent confusion. But she leads the two of you to a booth near a large window, handing you sticky menus and promptly fucking right off to the host station. She nearly runs.

“Do you know her?” You ask, inconspicuously hiding your face in the search for their 24/7 breakfast menu. You feel his eyes on you.

“Don’t think so.” He leans on one elbow and slides his phone out of his jeans’ pocket. In the 25 seconds it takes for you to find their french toast and sides menu, he has browsed and closed his phone with an animatedly shocked look on his face.

“What?” You give him a weird look and put down the menu.

“I totally went to homecoming with that girl.” He eyes the hostess. You glance over at her again, meeting her gaze, and offer a polite smile. She turns away quickly, eyes wide.

“She’s cute,” you say, voice high and fake, and he drums his fingers on the tabletop as an amused look makes its way onto his face.

“Are you—?”

“What?” You reply right back.

“Nothing.”

Thank God the server comes up to your table then and starts asking for drink orders, or else you’d have to admit (sheepishly) you were a tiny eensy-weensy bit annoyed. Only a tad. But after requesting a Dr. Pepper and a water the conversation surrounding the nervous-looking hostess dies.

“I’m so hungry I think I feel my stomach shrinking.” You flop your head onto your arm on the table top and make a whiny noise into the stack of napkins your server left at the table. Sapnap rubs his thumb into the side of your forearm, touch warm and nearly dissolving the pangs of hunger and jealousy.

“You weren’t hungry an hour ago.” He lifts your hand to his face and plants a kiss on the back of it. Oh, pulling out the big guns, huh? “I would have made you something.”

You tilt onto your chin, pouting, and stare up at his cute face. His cute, scruffy, perfectly-kissable face.

“I think I got hungry staring at you for half an hour.” A mischievous grin grows on your previously-petulant face and he just shakes his head.

“I do have that effect,” he admits with cockiness in his tone, lifting his eyebrows and leaning back into the booth with his lips pursed.

The server returns with two glasses and takes your food orders onto their little yellow notepad. You chug the water down when they leave for the kitchen, getting your lap and chin thoroughly wet in the process. Sapnap just snorts at you and shoves the napkins your way.

“So,” you start, patting dry your jeans. “tell me what you were like in high school.” You cross your arms and settle into the booth, smirk on your lips.

“What I was like?” He parrots, sipping at his soda, looking thoughtful. “Firstly, a virgin.” You make a noise. Duh. Dude had a buzz cut his junior year. (You’ve seen the pictures. His step-mom particularly likes them.) “Secondly, I was actually— well, I wasn’t popular, but I had a lot of friends. We were all semi-athletic lonely band kids but we had fun. Had one girlfriend senior year but she went to Cal Tech in the fall and I didn’t. I, um, worked at a Dairy Queen in the summers and gained so much weight I had to lose all over again for Unified Track.”

“Relatable,” you comment, drinking noisily at your water. He fiddles with the paper straw wrapper and crunches it up into a ball. It goes soaring into your drink with a quiet “Kobe” and you just give him a look. He smiles toothily right back at you. “Stop being cute, I’m trying to listen to your story.”

“Oh, my bad,” he mocks. “Anyways. That’s what I was like in highschool.” You fish the paper ball out of your water and flick it wetly at his arm. It sticks and you choke on a laugh, cheeks puffed.

Two plates of warm food are set down loudly onto the table and you thank the server with a surprised smile, Sapnap mirroring you.

Two minutes of wordless chewing passes, minds occupied just by “food, me eat” instead of anything related to your previous conversation. You realize that Sapnap is one of the loudest chewers ever, and he realizes that you fail to notice the streak of maple syrup in your hair.

“C’mere,” he mumbles through a mouthful of omelet and hash browns and beckons you with his hand. You lean closer, chewing slowly, as he pats a napkin at the strands of hair trapped in syrup.

“Thanks, baby.” You take the napkin from him and pause your assault of the warm french toast before you to clean the sticky sugar out of your hair. He just watches you, half of a smile on his lips.

You two finish your food in record time. It’s borderline vacuum-like. There’s a short grace period where you just sit like two lazy cats, slumped down in the booth and holding your full stomachs. But the check comes soon after, and you both pay your way and are out of the restaurant without any mad dashes for the bathroom. A miracle, really, because of the American-like amount of butter you both consume.

“I’m a much more functional person now,” you mutter into the cotton of his shoulder, swinging your hand in his. He just hums in agreement.

“I guess we’re not getting ice cream, then,” he teases, and you just groan in response.

“I don’t feel like having diarrhea on a plane, unfortunately.” You sigh heavily when you have to split and get into your respective sides of the rental car.

The entire trip (somewhat roundabout because of the amount of side quests to show you things from his childhood) to the airport Sapnap is a chatterbox. He’s like this when he has sugar: either bouncing off the walls with energy or talking your ear off.

“That’s where my dad proposed to my step-mom. I was kinda young but I remember being surprised at how big the ring was— dude broke the bank for her.” It’s a little gazebo you catch a glimpse of through the trees in a park. It probably was an incredibly picturesque moment, and you can sense how much she must have loved it. With just meeting them this weekend, you can already see how much love those two have for each other.

You hope people can see how much you love Sapnap.

“Oh my God, it’s still there.” He points out the side of your window to what looks like a Dairy Queen that has been through World War 3. “My buddy Eric and I once spilled a gallon of that liquid ice-cream-shit all over the men’s bathroom.”

You shoot him a horrified look. “Why was it in the bathroom?”

He just smirks.

“—And that’s my Uncle Ron’s house. Had my first beer there.”

“And last, hopefully,” you add, pulling a disgusted face. The two story bungalow is cute, and one of your favorite colors: olive green. “That shit is nasty.”

He just shrugs and continues down the side street.

“Is this the park you were talking about?”

He pulls into the gravelly parking lot of a small clearing of tall trees, a picnic table and campfire sat squat in the middle. But he doesn’t respond, just turning the car off and climbing out. He reaches the passenger door without speaking, and opens it for you. You climb carefully out, confused.

“Come on.” He takes your hand and starts for a small path to the left of the picnic table. The mid-sunset shade envelopes the both of you.

“I hope this isn’t where you kill me.”

“No,” he snorts. “I just wanted to show you something.”

It’s just a few moments of stumbling through the damp underbrush before you’re coming face to face with a small, mossy pond that sits right underneath an incredibly old willow tree. He stops right on the edge of the rocky path and turns toward you.

“This your make out spot?” You ask between a grin as he snakes an arm around your waist and tugs you flush to him. Your innocent smile fades when you feel the press of his lips to the side of your neck, light and ticklish. Oh.

“No,” he murmurs, and just breathes you in. “I came here once—the night before I graduated highschool. And I told myself when I really really loved someone I’d take them here with me.” He sways with you in his grasp, a gentle and song-less dance.

You grip his shoulder tighter in your hand and lean into him.

“That’s— awfully romantic, huh?” Your voice is quiet. Almost nervous. He just makes a noise of agreement.

“So here we are.” His voice is the opposite of yours, all strong and confident.

You two just move together for a moment. The sun breaks through the tree canopy, shining bright orange down onto the glassy surface of the pond. Crickets and frogs chirp back and forth as the willow vines swing in a cool evening breeze. You watch nature come alive around you, suddenly grateful for the man in your arms.

“Don’t propose,” you whisper, breaking the gentle tension. A laugh breaks the silence and he’s pulling away to look at you. Maybe in disbelief. A strand of hair falls into his eyes and you brush it away, fingers stilling on his temple and sliding down onto his cheek. Stubble scrapes against the skin of your palm and he stares at you through those meadow eyes.

You realize in that moment that he is exactly himself. Of course he is. He’s Sapnap, and everything that encompasses that. Dark and light and fiery and cool. He always has been, and always will be.

You realize you wouldn’t mind if he proposed.

-

A/N: ask or send me some stuff!! requests, rants, anything. let me know what you think

[marjorie189]

Happy Birthday, Love - A Louis Partridge Imagine

Hey guys! Just wanted to let you all know that this was written at the time of Louis’ birthday but I never got the time to finish it because of school, but here ya go! Better late than never :)

sum: come along as you’re louis’ girl giving him the sweetest birthday ever

contains: cute fluffy louis. definitely gemini louis!! (we all know geminis are something else. so, you’ll definitely see how quick his mood changes lol. have fun!)

word count: 15,091

this imagine will take you along Louis’ day with his family. so it’s not just going to be y/n and louis content. So just know to expect more than that! this imagine is written as Louis’ day, which will include his family, so it won’t just be filled with just fluffy y/n and louis content. but it still contains a great amount of it!

Enjoy :)

y/n’s pov:

It was a couple of minutes before midnight, marking a whole new day.

A special and wonderful day.

I have managed to climb up to Louis’s balcony from the ladder he leaves outside at all times. Which leads up to his room on the second floor, for me to sneak into.

I giggle at the thought of him wanting to have a Dawson’s Creek moment between us. He says “if Joey can climb up to Dawson’s room, then you can climb up to mine.”

I have managed to make it up safely and most importantly quietly so that Louis doesn’t catch onto the little sweet surprise I have up my sleeve.

I smile in excitement, waiting for the minutes to pass by. Which might I add are seeming to be the longest minutes of all time!

I stand against the hard exterior wall of the Partridge household, next to the sliding door which leads into Louis’s room.

My eyes are glued to the lockscreen on my phone that is portraying the time.

June 2nd, 2021; 11:57 pm  

Three more minutes!

I smile dumbly as I catch a view of my lockscreen, as I was previously looking at the time. The screen captures a funny looking photo of Louis and I. We both had the most ridiculous faces on planet Earth, but even if it was ridiculous and funny looking, the photo was everything I loved about us and him.

A couple of butterflies sparked up in my stomach. I was madly and deeply in love with Louis Partridge.

11:59

I was getting giddier and nervoud by the second.

I just wanted to jump in there and tackle him into a hug.

I started fidgeting with my fingers and I couldn’t stop my smile from getting wider and wider.

I looked down at my phone again but nope it was still eleven fifty-nine.

I just wanted to go in there and hug the hell out of him.

At last, it was 12:00am, marking it June 3rd.

I loudly and recklessly slid his balcony door open and jumped into his room.

He was laying in bed, phone in hand. His eyes jerked up at the sudden loud sound and the image of the human who is his girlfriend jumping into his room. He sighs in relief holding his chest and starts smiling uncontrollably.

“HAPPPYYYY BIRTHDAYYYY!!” I shouted at him with pure happiness and delight.

“Oh god!” He says with a wide smile, hands up against his face. “I did not expect that! You’re insane!” He giggled.

I smile a toothy smile and sprint up to his bed, jumping on top of it, landing on both him and his fluffy bed.

He lets out a loud laugh and immediately puts his arms around my waist, pulling me towards him.

I start playfully singing.

“happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you. happy birthday to my amazing, beautiful boyfriend whose name is Louis Partridge.”

His eyes fixated on his funny girlfriend. He lets out a loud laugh, head falling back, and all, as he hears the little twist of words she concocts to his happy birthday song.

Her voice changes as she’s now looking at him like he’s the only person in the world.

“happy birthday to you,” I whisper softly, ending it for only us to hear, intimately.

He smiles sweetly. He’s grateful for this gesture. He didn’t care for anything big or scandalous. He was happy that this is what he got. His foolish girl was in his arms at the very second of his special day.

“I loved that!” He says with a cheeky smile.

I smile a goofy smile as both of our faces are inches apart and eyes interlocked.

I smash my lips against him and within a few seconds, the kiss ceased from our two smiles against each other. We couldn’t help but let out laughs. We were both very happy.

I move away from him and he frowns.

“Welllll now I gotta goooo,” I say, keeping a straight face and voice. I hop out of his bed.

I caught a glimpse of his face as I was hopping his body on my way out of his bed and he was confused as ever.

“I know your parents are sleeping and I wouldn’t want to be here without them knowing,” I say looking at him with a frown as I was standing on the outskirts of his bed. He now is in the process of sitting up trying to figure out why I’m leaving. I turn around and smirk as I pretend to start heading out towards the door I entered.

I can sense his smirk and eye roll and right before I had a chance to go he grabs my wrist.

“Get your arse back over here!” He says with a widespread smile as he rolls his eyes in annoyance, knowing I had been joking all along.

He yanks me back onto his bed, close to his arms.

“Nice try.” He says as he holds me in a tight grip, as I'm now beneath him.

Our playfulness was out the door now.

His eyes had a different look in them. He was on top of me and I was laying underneath him. He held power and dominance over me, especially since he’s now feeling himself on the early morning of his birthday.

I let out a tiny laugh.

“C’mere,” I say, pulling him from his shirt down to me. He smashed his lips against mine. Within the kiss, we got comfortable under the covers. I wrapped both of my arms around his neck, getting him in closer proximity to me. His hands on my thighs, I could feel him moving them both a little open to get himself comfortable and adjusted in between my legs.

Our lips, wet and full of temptation. Hungry for one another. Louis lowered his body closer to mine, our exposed warm skin touching. I pulled him closer by the neck, wanting him even more, our lips crashing deeper into one another.

I pulled away, our lips sticking to one another as I let go, causing them to make a squishing kissing sound effect.

Louis and I’s pants of air were the only things heard in the now dark room.

Louis without a second passing by, intertwined our lips again, spreading and finding comfort in the open of my legs.

I huffed in the kiss letting go of our lips.

He looks into my eyes in confusion, wanting more, and oh how much I wanted to give him more.

“I love you and I love this but we gotta get some sleep. Remember we have breakfast early in the morning with your parents and sisters,” I say with a serious tone.

He groans and even in the dark, I can see his childish behavior as he rolls his eyes.

He lowers his body onto me squishing mine as his face lowers in.

He looks deep into my eyes with pleading ones.

“Please.” He whimpers.

I frown knowing I wanted to just make it the best night for him but I knew that if we continued to further this, it’d take a long while. It’d be nearing dawn and we wouldn’t get an ounce of sleep.

He realized I was in thought.

“Please.” He whimpers as his face starts nearing my lower neck. He plants some light kisses leading up towards the midst of my neck.

“Please, my love. I’m begging you.” He says as the kisses prominently get more stimulating. I had to stop him before they got too unbearable for me to stop him from continuing.

“Louis.” I slip out in content, trying hard not to let in.

He could tell I wanted to and he used that against me, knowing I didn’t want to resist.

“Please.” He begged in between the fulfilling neck kisses. He knew I couldn’t resist his whimpers and his imploring voice full of want.

And it was all up to me, but I couldn’t. I wanted to sooo bad but if we did within a few hours his parents and sisters would come bustling in this door to find us all sweaty and exhausted full of bliss.

“We can’t Louis,” I say quietly, sadness tracing along with my words.

He sighs. “I know.”

He pecks my nose as he’s still on top of me and gets off of me, laying beside me.

“I’m sorry,” I say sadly.

“Don’t be sorry.” He whispers pulling me in. “I know you wanted to. But you know what?” He pauses, looking over at me. “I know you mean well. Because any other girl would choose to instead of caring about my family’s breakfast and I love you for that. I really do.” He says softly and plants a sweet kiss on my cheek.

“Thanks, Louis,” I say just as soft and turn over to face him, cuddling him. “I love you.”

He places his hand on the side of my face that wasn’t placed on the pillow, caressing it. He leans in and I feel his plump lips on mine.

“I love you too.” He says as I feel his voice against my lips vibrating.

“Come on!” He says taking me along with him as he lays on his back, leaving me slightly on top of him.

I wrap my leg around him and reach out for his free hand that isn’t placed on my back. He instantly grabs it and holds it firmly. My head was on his chest.

“Happy Birthday Louis,” I say as I close my eyes.

“Thanks my love,” He says and squeezes my hand. “I’m glad I get to spend the start of my birthday with you. So thank you for barging in here,” He says with a smile, ending with a chuckle.

“Anytime,” I say with a laugh.

We both fall asleep in each other's arms.

-

Morning was emerging and Louis’s parents and sisters were already awake ready to walk into Louis' room to congratulate him on his eighteenth birthday.

“Shh!” Louis’s mother and father say shushing their two daughters who were laughing a bit too loudly. They were quite excited to finally have a good excuse to wake Louis up, without him getting annoyed at them.

Issie and Millie look at their parents with open mouths and shock in their eyes, ultimately speechless at their mother shushing them.

“You’re going to wake him,” Their mother whispered, scolding them.

The girls responded with another row of laughter as they were nearing his room. They just couldn’t help it. They couldn’t keep quiet.

Their father couldn’t help but smile at their foolishness.

“Okay. We’ll stop now,” Issie says, taking a deep breath, trying to stop their laughter.

Millie was trying to hold in her laughter, trying not to ruin their parent’s way of waking up their only son on his special day.

The four made it outside of Louis’ closed door. Liz enclosed the doorknob ready to open up the door.

“Ready?” James questioned the three females.

They all nod and all whisper ‘yes's’.

Liz turns the doorknob and slowly opens her son’s door.

The girls rush in quietly and the four see the boy before him peacefully sleeping with the girl of his dreams resting on his chest.

“Aww. I don’t know if I should feel disgusted or not,” Issie jokes.

“They look so adorable!” Millie says in awe.

“Our boy isn’t much of a boy anymore,” James comments to his wife, placing his arm around her shoulders pulling her into his chest.

“I know,” She whispers, shedding a few tears.

Issie and Millie give each other a look of ‘are you being serious’

“So are we waking him up or not?” Millie asks impatiently.

“You’re really looking forward to it. Aren't you?” Their father chuckles.

“Of course!” Issie says with a smirk.

“Okay. Let’s go,” Liz remarks with a smile

Issie immediately grabs a spare pillow and wacks it right onto Louis’ face making sure not to hit Y/N. Their mom gasps and their father laughs.

‘WAKE UP LOSER!” Issie yells smacking the pillow right at him, again.

Millie doesn’t even give it a second after Issie’s yell as she was already jumping on Louis’ bed.

After feeling the first hit Louis awakens from his peaceful slumber, feeling happy as ever from the last couple of hours. But now feeling displeased from the way he’s being awoken.

He feels y/n on top of him. He mentally rolls his eyes as he’s being interrupted from sleeping with his girlfriend.

He opens his eyes on the second hit, feeling Millie jumping on his bed obnoxiously. Oh, but she was doing it on purpose to annoy her older brother.

“The only bad thing about waking you up is waking y/n up,” Issie says, smacking the pillow on the now wide awake Louis.

He unwraps his arms from y/n quick enough to catch the pillow from hitting him again.

Y/N hears and feels the commotion and realizes what’s going on. She immediately starts laughing as she opens her eyes.

y/n’s pov:

I immediately open my eyes and feel Millie jumping on the bed. I, without a doubt, joined Millie, leaving Louis laying down in bed.

Millie giggles as she sees me jumping alongside her. We both give each other our hands and intertwine our fingers as we proceed to jump around with our hands laced with one another's.

“Wake up Louis!” I say looking down at him with a smile.

“I’m awake,” He says in a lighthearted grumpy voice.

“Come on! Stop being a party pooper!” I say bending down to grab a pillow and hitting him with it.

“Oh, you want to play it like that?” Louis says, eyeing me with a smirk.

He instantly stands from his seated position on his bed and tackles both Millie and I onto the bed. Millie and I both groan in pain, as we lay straight on his bed without a movement.

“Don’t think I forgot about you!” Louis says, turning his attention to Issie. He hops out of his bed, grabbing the pillow I previously had, and smacks her. She gets caught off guard and Louis grabs her and pushes her onto the bed, on top of Millie and I. Both of us, still trying to recuperate.

I let out laughs and so does Millie and Issie.

“Mornin dad. Mornin mom. Shall we head off to breakfast without them?” Louis says, giving them quick hugs and playfully walking out of his room.

“That was not what I expected at all,” Issie groans as she holds her stomach.

“Yeah… mom wanted to sing happy birthday like the happy peaceful family we are,” James trails, as both Liz and him are standing beside the door, with laughs.

“You can say that again,” Millie says with a straight face and monotone voice.

“Yeah. Sorry about that mum,” Issie says as she sits up.

“We can still sing if that helps?” Millie says with a hopeful shrug.

Louis turns to his mom and sees her somewhat disappointed face after her plans didn’t go her way.

“Alright. Alright. Come on!” Louis says, trying to complete his mother’s wishes. His arm over her shoulders.

James catches on and proceeds to count. “1… 2… 3…”

We all sing.

“Happy Birthday To You. Happy Birthday To You. Happy Birthday dear Louisss. Happy Birthday to you!” We all sang as Louis stood beside his mum and the three of us sat on his bed. James beside their mom.

We all stood up from his bed to congratulate him.

Louis towered over his mother and they both tightly hugged. They stood there for a while and they swayed side to side.

I melted inside at the sight of the two.

“Come here!” Louis’s dad says brightly with a proud smile opening up his arms. Louis forms a huge smile on his face and goes into a bear hug with his father.

James pats Louis back proudly and firmly in their hug.

I observed with a smile as Louis was in bare arms with his parents. It was adorable and loving.

He lets go of his dad and turns to the three of us.

He smiles and pulls his youngest sister into a hug. He looks huge compared to her. I laugh as Millie’s giggles escape her lips.

Millie's contagious laughter got Louis laughing as well.

Issie walks towards Louis and they both hug tightly.

As they hug I go and greet his parents, formally.

“Morning guys!” I say as I walk over to them.

“Morning y/n!” They both greet, each with huge grins.

I go in to hug Liz and she opens her arms widely.

I smile and blush at her kindness.

I go and wrap my arms around her as does she.

She pulls me in tightly.

“Thank you for joining us,” She says into the hug.

“Of course!” I enthuse and pull away to converse with her.

She grins.

“You’re such a wonderful girl honey! I’m glad Louis found someone like you! You truly make him happy,” She exclaims, and out of excitement she pulls me into another hug. I chuckle.

“Aww! Thank you, Liz! You’re such a wonderful mum. Thank you for raising an amazing boy,” I say. “Both of you!” I say and look over to James with a smile.

He smiles a toothy smile and takes me into a hug.

I chuckle.

“Thanks, honey!” James says into our hug.

I smile at him and nod.

“You both are great parents! You should be proud. You have amazing children!” I say to them and pull away from my hug with James.

I then feel two arms wrap around me from behind. I smile and blush feeling him close behind. He nuzzles his head into my neck.

“Don’t worry guys. I know you both adore and love her so much. I’ll be making her your third daughter soon,” Louis cheekily says to his parents as he smashes his lips onto my cheek.

“Louis!” I blush and turn my head slightly to look at him.

He smiles cheekily and looks over to her parents.

“Watch it,” Liz playfully warns with a brow raised.

Louis chuckles.

“Not any time soon, I hope!” She sighs, not wanting her kids to grow.

I giggle.

“Don’t listen to him!” I say with a playful eyeroll.

“Knock some sense into him, dear,” She says with a laugh. “You’re only eighteen.” She says eyeing Louis.

“Well… As of the law, I don’t need your consent to marry. Not anymore,” He jokingly says to his mother.

James laughs.

“We raised a witty boy. Didn’t we?” He says looking over to his wife. “Oh and son we know you love the girl but don’t marry yet. Makes me feel old,” He half jokes.

“Oh yeah! If we encouraged him one bit! He’d be down on one knee,” Issie teased.

“What! I kinda want a baby running around the house,” Millie says with pouty eyes.

“Don't encourage him!” Issie exclaims looking over at Millie.

“Well now that I think of it-” Louis begins to say.

“NO!” Liz, James, and I yell.

Louis stands behind me, arms wrapped around me, dumbfounded with his mouth open.

“I’m only joking…” He trails. “Kind of?” He says with a laugh.

“Okay! On that note, let's start getting ready for breakfast. Please!” Liz pleads as they start heading out of the room.

I laugh.

“I agree!” I say as I try to walk off but get enclosed by Louis tightening grip around my waist. His parents, now gone.

“Nooo!” He whispers into my ear with a pout.

I blush and look down feeling the butterflies.

“You’re so clingy!” Millie says in disgust as she watches Louis and I, catching what Louis has done.

“Let the poor girl go!” Issie says.

“She likes it,” Louis says as he smirks, looking down at me. And oh he’s right. I do like it.

Millie gives Louis an “mhmm sure’ look.

“Whatever you say, Louis,” Issie remarks in doubt.

I let out a laugh.

“Come on Louis. We have to get ready,” I say, trying to free myself from his grip. He loosens his arms and I manage myself out.

But I did miss his arms wrapped around me closely, his body pressed against me from behind, and his head propped on my shoulder as he lowers himself down to my height. The way I feel his arms against my skin and feel his soft hair brush against my face and neck. His occasional sweet and cute kisses he leaves on my cheeks and neck. My stomach erupts with butterflies by just thinking of it.

“Come on y/n. Let’s go,” Millie says, grabbing my bag that has my outfit and necessities to get ready.

I nod and without saying goodbye or looking back I start walking out with Millie and Issie.

Louis is left baffled.

“What?” Louis says right as we reach the door frame to head out. His ‘what’ sounding like a ‘wot’.

I turn around and so do they.

“Imma go get ready with Millie and Iss,” I say like it’s nothing.

Every time I’m over at the Partridges and we’re heading off somewhere, I always get ready with Millie and Issie.

“But… it’s my birthday,” He frowns.

My heart falls at his adorableness.

Millie didn’t quite see it as adorable though.

“Louis! Y/N, Issie, and I always get ready together. You know this already!” Millie sassily says.

“Yeah, it's quite practically tradition at this point,” Issie butts in.

“That’s precisely my point! It happens alllll the time! I would like my girlfriend to get ready. Here! With me! On my birthday!” Louis irritably says to his sisters.

“You’re so annoying!” Millie furiously says, rolling her eyes.

“Whatever! You can leave now,” Louis says and walks over and grabs the door, waiting for them to leave.

Issie sighs and rolls her eyes going out the door.

I frown.

“Bye,” I say.

“You’re lucky it’s your birthday!” Millie says and walks out the door as she hands me my bag.  

I grab it and peep my head out the door before Louis shuts it.

“If you need me I’m right here!” I shout into the hallway so that they hear me from their rooms.

Louis peeps his head out.

“No, she’s not!” He yells loudly.

I push him and he laughs.

“I’ll make it up to you guys! I’ll sit with you both on the way to breakfast!” I say to them.

“Yeah! She won’t be doing that either!” Louis yells right after me.

“Louis!” I say looking over at him as I laugh.

“What?!” He says like it's nothing.

He pulls me into the room and slams the door shut, locking it.

He immediately goes in and wraps his arms around my back and lowers his face into mine, pulling me in as close as he possibly can.

“Are you glad you got your way?” I say with a cheeky smile, looking up at him.

“Yes. Very!” He says looking deep into my eyes, with a huge proud grin.

After a few seconds of him looking into my eyes, he leans in for a kiss. Our lips meet. He tilts his head sideways, deepening the kiss. I tippytoe up to him and he pulls me in by the waist, closening all the space between us. One of my arms is around his neck and my other is roaming up to his messy hair.

I run my fingers through his soft locks and take in his luscious lips. The way they worked against mine drove me crazy. They worked perfectly with each other, lips perfectly in sync. I could never let go of his lips.

Louis groans into the kiss, driving me insane. He squeezes me and I could literally just melt in his embrace.

“This is the best birthday ever,” He says in between the kiss and I let out a giggle right as he goes to interlace our lips again.

I pull away. “And why is that?” I say now looking into his brown eyes.

“Hmm,” He says with a smile. “Because I’ve been fortunate enough to kiss you countless times these past few hours.” He says as he looks down into my eyes.

I smile and blush.

“Well! I’m glad I could help,” I say with a huge smile and tippytoe to peck his lips.

“Oh, you’ve done more than just help! You’re literally the reason why I woke up with a smile this morning and the smile I have on right now. You’re the one that went out of your way to be here on the exact second of my birthday and it’s the most adorable thing ever y/n!” Louis generously says with a smile. His eyes roam every inch of her face, taking in her beauty. He can’t believe she’s his.

“Aww, Louis!” I say with puppy dog eyes. “You’re gonna make me all emotional!” I say as I pull him into a hug. I place my head on the lower shoulder area of his chest, resting my face on him. “You’re the best boyfriend ever. You always manage to say all the right words that make me feel all special and gushy. You’re amazing Louis and I love you for it! You’re the best person in the world!” I say as I pull my head up and face him, telling him every word.

He looks at me with a pout, lips propped out, and eyes filled with adoration as he looks down at me.

“You’re incredible Louis. You’re a spectacular person. You deserve everything you have and more! You’re caring and sweet. Your laugh is literally the cutest thing ever! The way your head falls back when you laugh, it's the best sight. You’re literally adorable in every way! You’re so passionate about your hobbies and you always give everything your all. You have no idea how incredibly proud and amazed I am by you. You’re ambitious and driven. Like, you’re just fucking amazing Louis. You have no idea! I could go on and on about how incredible and great you are!” I say pouring out my heart to him.

He just keeps his eyes on mine. All he does is smile down at me.

He pulls me in and places his chin on the top of my shoulder. I smile to myself and lay my head on his chest.

“Thank you,” He whispers into my shoulder. “You have no idea how much it means to me.” He smiles into my shoulder now laying his head on me.

I know my words meant a lot to me. He always takes it all in and stays silent as he holds me close. I could tell he was thankful and happy for the way I felt towards him and the way I spoke so highly of him. His silence says it all and the way he’s holding onto me for dear life.

I smile into the hug and tighten my arms around him, knowing he’ll smile.

“Now, come on. I’ll tell you more about how amazing you are later. As of right now, we have to get ready for breakfast,” I say slowly pulling apart from him.

He chuckles and nods.

I know we both wanted to stay in each other’s arms but we had to get ready.

“Alright,” He smiles and heads to his closet.

I walk over to my bag full of necessities I brought the night before to ready myself. I go to grab my toothbrush and head towards Louis’ bathroom.

As I walked towards the restroom I could feel Louis stare at me from his closet.

“Are you drooling?” I say with a playful smirk.

“What?” He says getting caught off guard. “Oh. Yeah!” He says catching on to what I meant. “Definitely!” He smirks.

I laugh and roll my eyes as I make it to the restroom. I put paste on my toothbrush and look into the room.

“Might wanna unlock your room. Don’t want them trying to come into the room and them thinking we’re up to something,” I say with a chuckle.

“Right!” He says with remembrance. I continue to brush my teeth as Louis goes to unlock his bedroom door.

As I’m finished brushing my teeth I grab my makeup bag and I go and sit on Louis' bed. I grab my little mirror and put on some moisturizer as I get comfy on his bed.

Louis is now in the restroom styling his hair.

“Lord Tewkesbury or Sid?” Louis asks regarding his hair.

“Whichever one you’d like my love,” I say with a smile as my heart skips a beat.

He nods and goes on with doing his hair.

I start putting on some foundation and blending it into my skin.

He finishes doing his hair and jumps onto the bed with me, laying his head on my lap.

I giggle.

“You’re such a baby!” I gush looking down at him.

“Oh hush! I’m just glad you’re here with me. Getting ready,” He whispers as he cuddles his head onto my lap.

“You know I’m not gonna be able to play with your hair or baby you cause I’m doing my makeup,” I chuckle looking down at him.

He sighs loudly.

“You know, you can just not do your makeup! You don’t need it anyways!” He says grabbing the mirror and proceeding to take it from my hands.

“Louis!” I gasp, trying to reach for it.

He lets out a loud laugh.

I frown and he continues to laugh.

“You’re mean!” I say with a sad face.

He chuckles.

“It’s fine. I don’t need a mirror to blend in my concealer,” I say with a shrug.

“Mhm. Sure.” He says holding on sacredly to the mirror.

I continue to blend in the concealer under my eyes without speaking to Louis. He continues to lay himself on my lap, not taking his eyes off me with a smirk.

Once I’m done with my base, Louis is laying straight up looking up at the wall.

I lower my face down to him and frown.

His eyes turn to me and he smiles knowing what I’m about to say.

“Okay for this part I really need the mirror. Please!” I plead as I give him my puppy dog eyes.

He shakes his head and I frown.

“Please,” I beg.

“Look who’s acting like a baby now!” He smirks.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“Come on Louis!” I say and reach over to grab the mirror.

“Okay fine!” He groans and hands it to me.  

I’m taken aback by how easy that was and he notices. He now has a cheeky smile plastered on his face.

I furrow my eyebrows but choose to ignore it. I angle the mirror up to my face and start filling in my eyebrows. Then suddenly I feel Louis sitting on me, face on my chest. His legs are crisscrossed as he sits on my lap and puts his whole body weight on me as I’m trying to do my brows.

“Louis!” I yell at him as I couldn’t help but laugh.

He chuckles and replies with “What?”

“Oh my god!” I say as I place the mirror and eyebrow brush and pomade down.

He laughs knowing that would get my attention.

“You’re such a kid,” I say with a laugh as I kiss his head, which is below my face, laying on my chest. He’s so huge as he sits on me, his whole body leaning on me. His face and whole upper body against mine.

“This is how it feels when you come and sit on me, wrapping your legs around my waist when I’m sitting,” He says into my chest.

I chuckle.

“Well, it’s cute when I do it,” I tease.

He playfully gasps.

“See look when I do it at least I make it comfortable for the both of us. I wrap my legs around your waist and my arms around your neck. While you, just sit on my lap,” I laugh. “You’re not even hugging me or placing your legs anywhere comfy,” I say.

“Well seeee. I would buttt you’re doing your makeup so I can’t really get comfy or else you won’t be able to get it done cause I’d be in your way,” He says looking up at me. “I’m like wayyy bigger than you, so I’d be in your way of you doing your brows.” He says emphasizing on brows. “Anddd you’d make me get off of you so that’s why I’m doing the bare minimum!” He defends and mocks.

I laugh.

“Right ‘bare minimum’ when you’re literally sitting on me,” I say with a chuckle.

He lets out a laugh.

“Wellll when you put it like that…” He trails with a bright smile. “Alright I’ll get off of you now,” He says, going up to kiss my cheek.

“Okay! But only if we do this later when I’m not trying to do something,” I chuckle.

“Deal!” Louis says with a chuckle.

He gets off me and lays beside me slightly placing his head on my thigh. He trails his finger up and down my thigh in boredom. I let out a shiver and he looks up at me and smirks.

I smile and roll my eyes.

He looks back down and continues with his antics.

I finish off my brows and start to add concealer onto them to fix them up and complete them.

As I do, Louis continues to trace his fingers along my skin causing me goosebumps.

I could hear Louis giggle from below.

I shake my head and smile.

After a few minutes, I grab some blush and highlighter.

“Okay, I know you’re bored! So if you’d like you can add these onto my cheeks.” I trail on. “BUT, carefully!” I warn as his eyes widen.

He sits down immediately onto the bed and grabs the blush.

“Okay so be careful with the blush because it’s really pigmented,” I warn.

He makes a face of confusion.

“Okayy.. I think I know what that means,” He says, patting the brush onto the blush.

My eyes trail to his facial expression and his eyebrows and face seem really tense. I smile as I see that he really is taking this seriously.

“Okay..” He trails as he carefully swifts the brush on my cheekbones.

“Go on!” I assure and he nods.

He continues on with the highlighter and really seems to be concentrating on it.

I couldn’t help but smile.

“Why are you smiling?” He questions.

I open my eyes and they immediately meet his worried ones.

“Nothing. It’s just you really seem focused. It's cute,” I smile and peck his lips.

He smiles and grins. His white teeth showing. It was adorable. He looked adorable. Damn, I really am lucky to have Louis.

“Okay, now I just gotta curl my lashes and put on mascara,” I explain. He nods. “And then once I’m done you can spray on my setting spray,”

“That sounds exciting!” He exclaims and I let out a laugh.

I curl with my lashes and proceed to put on a couple of coats of mascara. Once they’re where I want them to be I get Louis to go on with the final step.

He was already ready at hand, with the setting spray.

I chuckle and nod, giving him the cue to spray away.

I close my eyes and he clicks away. I instantly feel the wet sprays, which come to a stop once Louis is finished.

“Finally!” He sighs and lays down cuddling into me.

I chuckle.

“Louis, I still have to do my hair,” I say with a laugh.

He looks at me and lets out a loud groan.

“I’m sorry,” I say and get off the bed, heading to the bathroom.

“I’m just going to quickly curl my tips,” I say brushing my hair.

“Okayyy.” He says with a sigh as he finds a comfortable position on his empty bed.

I giggle and start to curl the ends of my hair.

Once I’m halfway through my hair I call out to Louis.

“Babe. You might want to start getting dressed. I’m almost done with my hair, so if you want some spare time for me to baby you, finish getting ready!” I say as he shifts in his bed.

“Okay!” He says getting off of his bed and going to grab his clothing for the day.

I go back to doing my hair and from the corner of my eye, I see him taking off his shirt.

I smirk but continue to do my hair anyways.

I hear his hums from the restroom as I finish curling the last end. I grab my outfit from the bag and start undressing.

Louis’ eyes make it to his girlfriend and sees that she's taking off her bottoms. He doesn’t know whether to continue his gaze or look away.

Eventually, he goes back to getting changed himself.

I look over at Louis and see that he’s only in his briefs.

I smile at how alluring and good looking he is.

“You’re so handsome,” I blurt out.

His eyes widen as they meet mine. He then chuckles.

His eyes meet my exposed shoulders as I’m only in a bra as I’m trying to get the straps on.

He smirks.

“And you’re so beautiful!” He says with a cheeky smile.

I smile and blow him a kiss.

As I’m finished putting my dress on, I head into his room and go in to hug him from behind. He has some khaki pants on, a nice dress shirt, a small gold chain, and sneakers.

He looks impeccable.

“Wow. You look amazing Louis!” I say and wrap my arms around him from behind.

I can see his smile from the mirror in front of him and he instantly turns over to me.

He picks me up slightly and kisses my lips.

I giggle and pull away.

“You’re adorable,” I mention and look at him in awe.

“No. You’re adorable!” He chimes.

I smile and kiss his lips right before pulling away.

He chuckles and puts me down.

“Now, you’re the one that looks amazing!” He says as his eyes trail down to me.

I blush and smack his chest playfully in response.

“Ow.” He winces.

I giggle and go in to peck his lips once more.

“You truly look amazing!” He says, not letting his eyes off of me.

I giggle and thank him.

I had on a casual floral dress. It wasn’t over the top but it wasn’t simple either.

“Thanks, bub,” I say cheekily with a wide smile.

Louis chuckles and bends down to peck my lips.

I giggle and straighten out his dress shirt.

“Should I wear a crew neck over the button up?” Louis asks as he looks down upon himself.

I think for a bit.

“I think you’d look good both with and without it. But take it just in case it gets chilly.” I advise.

Louis nods and goes to grab a charcoal brown crewneck.

“Perfect,” I say with a smile as I grab onto his arm.

He looks down at me and grins.

We both head over and lay on his bed.

He chuckles.

I roll my eyes, knowing he’s excited cause I can finally give him my attention.

He lays his head on my shoulder.

“Come here, birthday boy,” I say and motion for him to lay on my lap.

He does so and lays his head on me.

I go in to play with his hair, which I love.

“God, I love it when you do that!” He sighs as he closes his eyes, his head against my lap.

I chuckle and continue to roam my fingers through his hair, gently tracing my fingers through his scalp.

He rubs his head into my lap, as he cuddles deeper into me.

I smile knowing he’s enjoying my touch.

He looked adorable as his eyes were closed in bliss.

I lowered my head down to his lips and he puckered up his lips to connect the two. I smiled before proceeding to give into his lips. I grabbed onto the side of his face with the palm of my hand as I gently massaged it, as our lips created their own magic.

We were so into our own little world that we didn’t even realize that Issie and Millie had just entered the room.

“Aww! Look at you two, all dolled up, and sucking each other's faces off. Nice scene to walk into huh Iss?” Millie’s voice echoed through the room.

My eyes widened and Louis and I both broke off the kiss.

“Oh yeah! Definitely, Mills, especially since our brother is the submissive one in this case,” Issie says.

I bit my lip, trying to hold in my laughter.

Louis was still in my lap, rolling his eyes.

“And what? It’s my birthday!” Louis shoots back, sitting up.

“Eww! Gross! I don’t want to hear that!” Millie shrieks.

“I would prefer not to hear about your sexual life and how you want it on your birthday!” Issie says in disgust.

“What?! I didn’t even say anything like that!” Louis says to them in defense.

“Well.. you kinda did imply it, babe,” I say as I wrap my arm around his shoulders and give him a peck on his cheeks.

He rolls his eyes at his sisters again.

“Well, we’re all ready now. We’re just waiting on mom,” Millie says, completely changing the subject.

She shudders as she’s about to sit on the bed but backs off.

I laugh, shaking my head.  

“We didn’t even do anything! You were literally jumping on my bed not so long ago!” Louis speaks, with an eye roll.

I reach over to grab Millie’s hand and pull her into the bed.

“Here, I'll give you a kiss too,” I say and kiss her cheek once she falls into the bed.

“Gross! I don’t know where those lips have been!” Millie says.

“OH MY GOD!” Louis says as he lets himself fall back into his bed with his hands in his face.

Issie is dying of laughter, so I pull her in quickly and send her a kiss.

“Oh nooo!” She complains as my lips meet her skin. “No! No! No!”

“We are neither confirming nor denying your allegations,” Louis says with a smirk as he sits back up.

“Louis!” I shriek as I feel my cheeks go red.

Millie starts making gagging noises and Issie scoots farther away from us as possible.

“What!” He says with a growing smile.

“You know what!” I scold.

Louis pulls me by the arms and causes us to both fall back into his bed.

“As much as I’d like to admit you guys are cute. That was no fun topic to speak about!” Millie says with a worried expression.

Louis laughs evilly.

James peeks his head through the open door.

“Time to go!” He smiles and heads off.

We all stand up from the bed. Louis goes to grab my hand, he intertwines them and squeezes our hands gently.

I smile and pull our intertwined hands to my lips and give them a little kiss.

He cheekily smiles and we start heading out his door.

“You girls look beautiful by the way!” I say to them as we all walk down the hallway.

“Thank you! You look gorgeous,” Issie says to me with a huge smile.

“You do look amazing y/n!” Millie smiles.

“Aww thank you, guys!” I smile and we all make it down the stairs.

Liz gasps once she sees us all.

“You all look wonderful!” She gushes.

We all thank her.

“You look lovely, Liz!” I smile.

“Thank you, darling!” She smiles.

“Come on, let's take a few pictures before we head out!” She pleads.

The four of us pose for the picture. Louis and I in the middle, Millie beside me, and Issie beside Louis.

After a couple of photos were taken, I let them take a couple of photos of just the three of them. I then offer to take photos of them all.

James and Liz join in with Louis, Millie, and Issie. I snap a couple of photos to get everyone's good sides.

“Come on y/n!” James calls me in. He swifts his hand signaling me to join them.

I nod with a smile and Liz leads me over and squeezes me in next to Louis. I blush and thank her.

James was in the corner ready to take a couple of photos, camera held up high to capture us all.

Louis wraps his arm around me and I lay my head on his chest. I put one of my arms behind his back and one on his chest as I lay my head on him.

We all smile for the picture and James takes a couple.

“Alright let's head out. We’re taking the car even though we might get more traffic but going on the train is going to be a hassle,” Liz explains.

“Mum. There’s no rush!” Louis assures her.

“Louis, well what’s the purpose of a breakfast if we’re not going to eat early?” Liz comments.

Issie and Millie let out a laugh.

“Alright. Alright. I guess we are in a rush. Speed away father,” Louis says once we’re all settled into the car.

Louis is on the left side of the car, I’m beside him, and to my right is Millie and then Issie.

James starts the car and drives off.

Louis puts his arm around me and pulls me in by my shoulders. He puts his lips against my temple and sweetly kisses it.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” I whisper to him and he nods with a vibrant smile.

“So where are we eating exactly?” Issie asks her parents.

“To a nice restaurant that’s famous for their breakfast selection,” Liz explains.

“Famous?!” Louis says. “Oh mum, choosing an expensive place, am I right? Mum you didn’t have to. I’d be happy with anything!”

“Nonsense! It’s your special day,” James exclaims.

Louis smiles.

“Well thank you, nonetheless. You didn't have to but thanks,” Louis smiles.

James continues driving for about 15 to 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, the four of us in the back decided to play Who’s Most Likely To.

“Louis is definitely most likely to jump into a dumpster!” Issie exclaims.

Louis opens his mouth but nothing comes out of it. He’s just left with his mouth agape.

I giggle and nod.

“It’s definitely you, Louis! You literally have dove into a bunch of trash bags,” I say with a laugh.

“Literally everyone has seen that video!” Millie says in between laughs.

“Okay. Fine. I’ll take it I guess,” He says with a little eye roll.

I let out a laugh, as everyone in the car does as well.

We continue to foolishly ask questions which leads everyone in the vehicle to erupt in laughter.

James pulled up to a fancy looking restaurant. It looked full and impacted with many guests. It had both outdoor and indoor seating.

James found a place to park the car and we all stepped out of the vehicle. Louis hopped out of the car before me and lent me a hand to step out. I smile out at him and place my hands on him. As I make it out of the car, Louis closes the car door behind me.

“M’lady,” He cheekily says.

I smile and let out a cute laugh

James smiles at us as he exits the car himself.

“Okay let’s head in. We have reservations. Thank goodness cause look at the place,” She sighs in relief as we enter the doors.

Louis walked beside me as his hand was placed in my lower back. I smile at how he’s such a gentleman.

“Six for the Partridges,” James notifies the fancy main entrance.

Louis lowers his lips to my ear.

“See they already see you as a Partridge,” He whispers deeply into my ear.

I blush and look over into his eyes.

He has a huge smile placed on his lips.

I giggle and as I was about to respond we were already being led to our table.

Louis pulls out my chair and leads me to sit. I blush and sit on the comfy fancy looking chair.

Louis pushes me in a bit and pats my hair and he goes to sit beside me and across from his parents.

Right as we’re getting seated a couple workers were already handing us freshly squeezed juice.

I smile in thank you and simultaneously Louis and I reach for each other’s hands, from each other’s chairs.

We both laugh within each other and take in the freshly squeezed juice, which was delicious.

“Wow, mum. This is really good!” Louis shockingly says as he places the cup down.

Liz smiles and seems proud of her choice of breakfast.

We get handed the menus that we made of thick rich paper.

“Wow mum, even the menus are expensive!” Millie says as she opens it up.

I giggle and open up the menu myself.

I look over the breakfast selection and see they have everything anyone could ask for.

“Look over the menu if you’d like but we’re ordering the platter that gives us all the main dishes the restaurant offers for breakfast,” James notes to us as Liz nods.

“So we’re like having our own little buffet? Here at our table,” Issie questions.

“Precisely,” James smiles with a nod.

“Wow. Ok,” Louis says in amazement.

“You deserve it,’ I whisper to him with a smile.

He looks at me with love in his eyes.

“Thanks love!” He whispers back and he squeezes our hands.

I smile and we both face the table again.

Liz is ordering the platter and we all continue to drink the delicious not too thick juice.

We all start to converse once we’re settled and have placed our order.

“How does it feel to be an adult now?” Issie jokes.

“Oh! You know, life changing!” Louis claims.

I let out a giggle.

“I feel like a totally different person!’ He exaggeratedly says.

We all let out small laughs.

Soon various workers came over to our table. They all had huge platters of different breakfast dishes in their hands. They set it all down at our table. And man, let me tell you! There was sooo much food!

There were pancakes of all sorts of flavors with unique shapes, waffles, french toast, crepes, fruit, syrups of all kinds, breakfast burritos, bacon, mashed potatoes, hash browns, bacon, eggs.

“Mum! We are never going to finish all this food! I feel like I'm eating with the queen!’ Louis exclaims as his eyes gaze through the variety of food.

“Wow! I feel full just by looking at all of this food,” I say with a giggle.

“Let’s dig in!” Liz says, grabbing a plate.

We all nod in agreement and reach over to grab empty plates.

I reach to grab a plate but Louis was already handing me one.

“Here ya go,” He says with a bright smile.

“Wow what a gentleman,” Issie teases as she goes to grab some waffles.

I smile and grab the plate from his hand.

“Thank you, Louis!” I say with a pout. He’s so sweet and thoughtful.

“As he should!” Millie demands and I let out a laugh.

“I will always treat her right,” Louis says, grabbing a plate for himself.

“Well, I’m glad you do, Louis. I have always told you to be respectful and to treat a girl right and I am really glad and proud of you for treating y/n this way,” Liz says with a proud smile.

I turn over to Louis with a smile and he looks over at me. He looks straight into my eyes and squeezes our intertwined hands three times. I smile. Gosh, he makes me melt every time. I blush and smile a thank you to him.

Every time one of us squeezes each other's hand three times, it indicates us secretly saying I love you, to one another. Each squeeze represents each word. It was our thing.

I love him too.

I turn away as I feel my cheeks warm up.

“Aww she’s blushing,” Issie teases as she pokes my sides.

From the corner of my eye, I see Louis turn once he hears Issie’s statement.  

James and Liz laugh in awe.

Once Louis realizes that I certainly am blushing he lets go of our hands and pulls me into him.

“Aww. C’mere!” He smiles as he kisses my temple.

They all laugh and continue filling up their plates.

As they all place their attention on serving themselves breakfast, my face no longer turns red.

Louis gives me another temple kiss before letting me go.

I smile and go to serve myself portions from different platters.

As I finish filling my plate, I dig my fork into a pancake.

They look so delicious.

I placed the fork into my mouth and I was already in a food coma. The food was incredibly delicious. The pancakes were so fluffy and warm. Without a doubt, they were the best pancakes I’ve ever tried.

I continued digging into the other portions and it was all too delicious.

“Wow, this is really delicious mum!” Louis says with a full mouth of eggs and bacon.

I giggle as his parents scold him.

“Okay okay! I’m sorry!” He says quickly swallowing his food.

“This is why we can’t have nice things, Louis!” Millie scolds.

Louis is left with his mouth agape.

“It’s literally my birthday guys. I was trying to show my gratitude mum!” Louis defends.

I roll my eyes at him and Liz shakes her head.

“Point was you were talking with a mouth full of food and we’re in a high end restaurant, Louis,” Issie adds.

“I feel really attacked,” He says and digs into more food.

James and I laugh.

“Just eat your birthday breakfast, babe,” I say, patting his back.

“Mhm.” He says pretending to be hurt.

“Oh stop!” I say with a smile.

He couldn’t hide his smile anymore and let out a laugh.

“You’re such an idiot,” Millie says with a playful eye roll.

Louis lets out an adorable laugh and I couldn’t help but smile and feel warm on the inside.

He was my idiot.

Towards the end of our meal, an enormous group of employees surrounded our table.

“Oh no…” Louis whispered loud enough for me to hear.

I giggle and hold his hand.

“Who in this table is Louis?” A worker called out.

We all pointed at Louis and he rose his hand.

“That’ll be me,” Louis calls out.

They hand him a candlelit dessert.

As it was placed in front of him, all eyes in the restaurant were on him.

The employees erupted into a song to wish Louis a Happy Birthday.

“Woohoo!” James and Liz cheer from across the table.

I let go of Louis' hand and began to cheer him on.

We all clap our hands as the singing ceases.

“Thank you,” Louis kindly says to us all.

The workers nod and reply with ‘you’re welcome'.

Liz stands from her seat and goes to hug her boy.

Louis smiles appreciatively and goes in to hug her, as well.

He’s so sweet to his parents. He hugs her tightly and whispers words of gratitude only for her to hear.

She goes on to kiss his cheek and he flushes.

Her mom lets go and James goes in to pat Louis.

“Happy Birthday son. You know we love you and we’ll always be here for you. We believe in you and here’s to many more,” James says pulling Louis in.

“Thanks, dad!” Louis says holding onto his father.

“Happy Birthday Louis!” Millie calls out from her seat.

“Love you!” Issie smiles.

“Thanks, guys. Much appreciated!” He says gracefully.

We all stood up and headed out of the restaurant.

Louis and I walked behind everyone as we headed to the car.

“What are we doing now?” Louis cheekily says.

I turn over to look at him and smile.

“It’s a surprise!” I beam.

“A surprise?!” He exclaims.

“Mmhmm!” I nod.

“What kinda surprise?” He questions placing his lips on my cheek, hoping I’d give him more information.

“I can’t tell you,” I giggle.

He lets out a whine and lets his head fall back.

“Nope. Not happening!” I smile looking at his impatience.

“Can you at least give me a hint?” He pleads.

“You’ll eventually find out. As of right now you just can’t know,” I giggle.

“Ughh!” He groans as we make it to the car.

I roll my eyes and laugh to myself.

Louis opens the door for me and heads into his seat after me.

“Why is he being annoying this time?” Millie asks.

“Y/N won’t tell me my surprise!” He desperately says.

“Well it’s supposed to be a surprise,” James says, turning on the car.

“Wait! So you know what it is?” Louis says as his eyes glow.

They all nod.

“This sucks!” He says, crossing his arms.

“Alright here. I was going to wait until we got home. But since you’re upset about not knowing y/n’s surprise. We can give you ours right now,” Liz says, pulling out a black box from her purse.

“What is this?” Louis says as he holds the black box in the palm of his hands.

“Our first surprise,” James says looking at the back seat from the rearview mirror.

‘Why thanks guys,” Louis smiles as he opens up the black box, revealing an elegant watch.

His eyes widened in amazement.

“Mum! Dad!” Louis lets out in shock. “Thank you! I don’t even know what to say! I don’t even know how to react.” Louis says attentively, laying his eyes on the watch.

“I got my first watch on my 18th birthday and I wanted to do the same for you. Keep it going you know?” James says from the driver's seat.

“It's very grand. I can’t thank you enough!” Louis says looking up to his parents.

“Well put it on!” Issie clamors.

Louis carefully pulls the watch out and unclips it, placing it through his wrist. His other hand clips on the watch to his hand.

Louis flicks his wrist and smiles.

“Thank you, dad! Thank you, mum! Looks good doesn’t it?” He says to them and he shows them his arm.

“It looks great honey!” Liz smiles.

“It really does! It goes perfectly! James says as he looks at the watch on Louis’ wrist.

His eyes turn back to the road as we pull up to the Partridge’s neighborhood.

“Ahhh! Okay, time to close your eyes!” Liz says as she jumps in her seat.

“What?” Louis laughs nervously.

“Close your eyes quickly!” James warns.

“Bloody hell! What’s going on?!” Louis says not closing his eyes.

“CLOSE YOUR EYES!” Millie and Issie yell.

“No! Not until I know what’s going on!” He replies.

“Oh my god!” I reply as I see that the house is nearing our sight.

Everyone in the car is yelling for him to shut his eyes, so I do it for him.

I quickly place my hands over his eyes, right in time for him to not see his other present, parked in the driveway.

I gasp as I see the black sports car lavishly parked on their driveway.

“WHAT! What’s going on?” Louis questions as he tries to open his eyes, once he hears my gasp.

We all choose to ignore him.

Now I knew he was getting his first car but seeing it now in close proximity, I was excited. It was nice, really nice.

James parks on the sidewalk that leads to the driveway where Louis’ sports car is.

Everyone excitedly gets out of the car. James and Liz open the door so Louis and I can get off.

“Okay, step out of the car,” James speaks.

“Well I mean I can’t really see,” Louis mutters.

“Just get out of the car! Hurry!” I exclaim.

“Okay okay!” He rushes.

He places his feet out onto the ground and carefully stands, with me behind him. Eyes still covered by my hands.

“Keep walking…” I trail as I lead him from behind.

He does so and we all lead him to the front of the car.

“What is going on?” He asks.

“Okay in 1… 2…. And 3… !” We all yell and I let go of my hands. He flutters his eyes open and gasps in surprise.

“Bloody hell! Is it mine? No way!” He says as he runs his hand through his hair walking towards the black vehicle.

“All yours!” James smiles.

“No way!” He says in shock.

“But… As of right now. It’s y/n’s,” Liz says, handing me the keys.

Louis looks over to me in confusion as I smirk.

“I’m soooo confused right now!” He says as he looks around.

I walk to the driver’s side of the car.

“Get in, loser!” I say jingling the keys over the car.

He furrows his eyebrows with a growing smile as he walks over to the passenger side.

I smirk as I open the door hopping into the car. I grip the steering wheel once I’m seated and I take a look around at the black interior.

I hear Louis open the passenger door. He bends down, half of his body in the car, taking a look at it in astonishment. Hand on the open door as he looks in.

Fuck that’s hot. His large hand gripped onto the wide open door of the passenger seat.

Louis looks over at me, face close to mine.

“Is it actually mine?” He says with a smile.

“Yes!” I beam with a huge smile. “Now come on!” I say excitedly for him to come in.

He furrows his eyebrows and smiles.

“What are you planning?!” He asks deeply as he reluctantly gets in the car.

As he shuts the door I fasten my seatbelt.

“Be safe!” Liz yells from the driveway.

I start the car and lower the window. I wave out to them and nod.

“Why is she saying that? Why do we have to be safe?” Louis bombards with questions.

“BYEE!” They all shout.

“BYEE!” I yell with a huge smile.

I start reversing out of the driveway and Louis confusingly waves bye to his family.

“What’s going on y/n? Tell me!” He says with a huge smile.

“We’re going… somewhere…” I trail off and we wave goodbye before I drive off.

“Where are we going?” He questions annoyingly as he grabs my hand.

“You really want me to drive with one hand in your brand new car?” I question with a smile as I look over at him for a split second.

“I can’t even believe it’s my car. I haven’t acknowledged it as my car. It hasn’t hit me yet,” He explains, his eyes fixated on me.

“Well, it’s your car! Take it all in!” I say as I turn over to him, looking at him with a cocked brow and smile.

“Hmm.” He hums looking around.

“This day has been like no other! It's been fantastic!” Louis beams.

“I’m happy for you, baby,” I smile looking over at him and away from the road.

He looks at the road and sees that it's clear, so he quickly goes in for a kiss.

“Thank you, baby!” He says right after he pulls away.

I smile and continue to drive.

“God. I can’t believe this is my car! That’s crazy!” He says as a wave of shock comes back in.

I laugh and keep my eye on the road, Louis still not having a clue as to where we're going.

“Now I’ll be able to bring you food when you’re hungry, drop by your room uninvited, take you on more dates, and all the things we can get away with while we’re in this car alone. By ourselves…” He trails getting quieter at the end.

I let out a snort.

I shake my head and giggle.

He laughs too.

“That's all I’m sayinggg!” He says in a singsong tone.

I giggle and shake my head as he holds onto my hand.

“Okay, we’ve been driving for a while now! Where are we going?” He chuckles, looking over at me.

“We’re spending the day in London!” I shouted with a giggle. “We can go wherever you want and do whatever you want!”

“That sounds delightful. I get to spend the day with you in my town. What more could I ask for?” He says sweetly.

I blush and he goes to grab my face proceeding to squish my cheeks.

I giggle and pat his hand away.

“I’m trying not to crash your car,” I say with a giggle.

“Oh also did I forget to add that we’re staying the night in the city?” I say with a smile as we start nearing the big building of London.

“What? Louis baffles.

“I got us a room. So no need to worry about heading home or worrying about curfews. We’re all alone, to do whatever we want,” I smile brightly.

“Y/N! You’re literally the best! You know me all too well!” He smiles and takes my hand to his lips.

I feel all mushy as he places his lips against my skin.

“I knew you’d want a day all to ourselves, so I planned it out just like that. We have extra clothes in the back for the night, that Issie placed earlier this morning. And now it's just up to you. What would you like us to do!” I reckon.

“You’re perfect! Literally perfect!” He expresses and he continues to add kisses to our intertwined hands.

I blush and hide away as I focus on driving.

“Well, we can walk around the streets, sightsee, grab some drinks, some snacks. As of right now, all I want to do is walk around, you by my side as I hold your hand or have my arm around you,” He says with a twinkle in his eye.

“Aww Louis!” I say with a pouty face.

He chuckles and marks a kiss on my cheek.

I drive into the big streets and look around for a parking spot.

“Birthday luck,” Louis calls, pointing towards an empty parking spot.

I sigh.

“Thank goodness!” I say in relief.

Louis chuckles and I go to park his car in the street.

As I successfully parked I turn off the car.

Louis immediately stops me from doing anything.

“Don’t move!’ He ordered.

I chuckle and stay seated as he exits the car and goes to my side to open my door.

“M’lady,” He says in a posh accent, which really is just a deeper British accent for him.

I giggle and place my hand on Louis’ as he has it out for me.

I smile sheepishly as he’s bowed down.

“Louis…” I trail shyly.

“What? I’m being a gentleman to my girlfriend, soon to be wife,” He remarks.

I laugh and shake my head.

“You’re adorable!” I whisper as I have my face millimeters away from his. He smiles as he looks me in the eyes, his eyes full of love and adoration as he looks into me. I went in for a kiss, it was sweet and slow.

Louis pulls away, our lips still pressed on one another.

“I love you,” He whispers.

I swift my eyes down and smile. I look back up into his brown eyes and peck my lips onto his once more.

“I love you, too,” I murmur into our lips.

“Come on. Let’s go,” He says and grabs my hand, leading me into the streets of London.

He walks fast with his long legs.

“Louis!” I shriek. “You’re speed walking over here. While I’m like being dragged!” I say with a laugh.

He looks back at me and laughs.

“Sorry!” He says. “I just want to take you to this place. I’m excited.”

I giggle and go in to kiss his cheek.

“I fucking love you. You’re just too cute and adorable. I can’t handle it!” I say as I giggle into his cheek.

He lets out a laugh and turns his head causing our lips to interlock, as I was previously kissing his cheek.

He longingly kisses me and pulls away with a sly smile.

“I saw what you did there!’ I say with a smirk.

We eventually made it.

“Okay this place has the best and I mean best ice cream!” Louis thrills.

“Alright. I’ll take your word for it!” I say and I walk straight into the shop.

We both order a sundae that gives us the option of 5 scoops of our choice of ice cream.

“Okay we’ll get chocolate,” Louis starts.

“Vanilla,” I continue.

“Rocky Road.”

“Chocolate Chip.”

“And strawberry,” Louis ends.

The worker nods and starts preparing our sundae which has whipped cream, peanuts, chocolate syrup, and a couple of cherries.

“It looks delicious!” I say as I grip Louis' hand and lay my head on his arm.

He looks down at me and smiles.

“You’re so cute!” He says, looking down at me in awe.

I look up at him and blush.

I tippytoe barely reach his height and go in to kiss his beautiful lips.

“I love you,” I murmur into the kiss.

He smiles and murmurs it back.

Our names are called and we head out with sundae in hand. We find an empty bench that gives us a view of London’s Tower Bridge and its waters.

After a bit of silence and our sharings of the sundae, Louis lets out a sigh.

“I love this day,” He says, looking out into the distance.

My gaze stays fixated on him and he looks out into London’s waters.

I lay my head on his chest and wrap my arms around him. I look up and his neck calls out to me. I smile and press my lips against his neck.

He immediately looks down at me as my lips are pressed onto his neck.

“You’re really going to tempt me in the middle of London?” He smirks.

“I’m not even trying to tempt you,” I say with a playful eye roll. “Your neck is just right here as I’m laying my head on your chest and I just can’t help but kiss you.” I cutely say.

He chuckles and shakes his head.

After a couple of seconds of silence, he speaks up again.

“I could live like this forever and never complain,” He says and he puts his arm around my shoulder.

“As long as I’m in your arms I’d never complain,” I respond.

“As long as you’re in my arms I’d never complain.” He replies.

I smile into his chest.

Our ice cream sundae, now gone.

After a while of looking into the water and the Tower Bridge, we stood up to further our walk.

“Where to now?” I say from beside him.

He shrugs.

“I’m not sure.” He says as he holds onto my hand.

I nod and we continue to walk until we make it to the shops.

We randomly walk into a clothing store and we look around for a bit.

“Do you want me to buy you anything?” I gently ask, trying not to interrupt our comfortable silence.

He looks down at me like I’m crazy.

“Definitely not!” He exclaims.

“Louis. It’s your birthday!” I say.

“It’s okay! You've already done a lot for me today,” He explains.

“I haven’t done much!” I say looking up at him.

“Well you’ve done more than you know,” He says, bending down to kiss my lips.

He pulls away and I pout.

“Sorry sweetheart!” He says regarding ending the kiss. “I just need to get this point across. You’ve done a lot. A lot more than you think! Because all the little things you do, mean everything to me. Like your little surprise at midnight, the way you smile and look at me like I’m the only one you see, when you give me cute random kisses, hold my hand, when you baby me, when I ask you for clothing advice. Like the things you do, don’t go unnoticed. Because I notice and I’m aware of it all. You’ve done so much and now you bring me to London and tell me you got us a room. It’s more than I could ever ask for. Really,” He says as he holds both of my hands and looks at me as he speaks.

“Louis,” I say as I look up at him in awe. “I do all these things naturally. I don’t keep my eyes on you because I expect you to notice or because I want you to pay attention to what I do. When those small things happen it’s because I genuinely do them. Like they just happen at the moment. It happens because I care for you because I’m in love with you. I hold your hand and kiss you randomly because that’s what my heart and soul desire. You’re the one that my heart desires. It will always be you and I will always love you. This little trip to London is nothing compared to how much I feel and care about you! We could spend the day in Bora Bora or in your bed and I’d be happy just to be with you,” I say, intertwining our fingers as our hands are already being held.

“And I feel the same way. As long as I’m with you I’m happy. It doesn’t matter where we are, I’ll always be glad to be with you. My heart desires you too. Like if the body was ruled by the heart instead of the brain I’d be kissing you 24/7, nonstop, all the time. I’d have you on me and against me for like ever!” He says with a cheeky smile.

I shake my head and smile.

“The workers are probably wondering if we’re going to buy something or if we’re just going to longingly look into each other's eyes the whole time!” I say with a chuckle.

Louis lets out a laugh. “Yeah. Let’s get out of here!”

“Before we leave. Are you sure you don’t want you to get anything?” I ask before we exit.

“Definitely not!” He says with a chuckle.

I giggle. ‘Okay.”

We exit the shop.

“Now the real question is do you want me to buy you anything?” He says holding onto my arms as he moves in front of me blocking my sight.

“If you don’t let me buy you anything, I’m not letting you buy me anything!” I say with sass.

Louis snickers and rolls his eyes.

“Why do you make things so complicated?” He says as we continue to walk.

“What? I’m not even making it complicated!” I say letting out a laugh.

He stays quiet and tries to hide the smile that’s daring to show.

I smile and roll my eyes.

“You’re-”

He quickly shushes me and places a finger onto my lips.

“I’m not complicated!” He immediately says as he injects my sentence.

My mouth is left agape.

“If you weren’t complicated and extra, you wouldn’t have shushed me!” I interject.

He rolls his eyes.

“Whatever,” He says.

I look away from him with a smile, shaking my head.

We walk around the shops with our hands intertwined.

“I still can’t believe I have a car now. That’s insane!” He beams as he looks down at me.

“I know, right? It’s quite nice,” I smile up at him.

He nods and hums in amusement.

My eyes wander around and I gasp once I see a bakery.

“What?” Louis questions at my gasp.

“We have to go here! Come on! Come on,” I demand as I pull Louis towards the direction of the cake shop.

Louis takes a look inside the large windows and realizes it’s a bakery in which you get to decorate your own cake.

He sees my large smile and shakes his head.

“If you insist,” He says with a laugh.

“Oh come on. It’ll be fun. We’ll get to eat the cake that we decorate!” I say knowing he wants to do it just as much as me.

“Oh alright.” He says with a playful eye roll.

“Yayy!” I say and tippytoe to kiss his cheek.

His cheeks flush and we both enter the shop.

We get handed a cake and get told where all the decorations and supplies were located.

“Let’s get started!” Louis smiles as we comfortably sit across from each other.

The round cake that’s covered in fondant is placed on the table.

Louis opens up a package that contains more fondant.

“I’m thinking of getting these cutters and shaping the fondant into random things,” Louis says as his focus is on trying to open up the fondant. I giggle at how hard he’s trying.

“Yeah, I grabbed a couple of cutters too!” I say placing them on the table.

“Ooo let me see!” Louis curiously says.

I smile and start explaining what each cutter is.

“So I got this star because you’re my star and because you’re becoming an excellent star in the business. Everyone’s going to know who you are!” I start and pause as I notice how interested Louis is in my choice of cutters, making me blush.

Louis hums for me to go on. His head in the palm of his hands.

I nod and go on. “Then I got this heart to represent how I feel about you,” I say, holding it up for him to see.

“Oh now you’re making me feel so basic about mine,” He gushes, causing me to laugh.

“I’m sure they’re great!” I say.

Louis picks up one of his cutters with a huge smile on his face trying to suppress his laughter but completely fails letting it all out.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” He says in between laughs. “So this one is of a little boy,” He says, holding it out for me to see. “I don’t know why I got it but I just did. I guess it can be me.” He dumbly says.

I furrow my brows and let out a smile.

“Okay?” I say letting out a small laugh. “Makes sense.”

“And then I got a ‘1’ and ‘8’’ He ends, holding the two numbers together to make an ‘18’.

“You’re so adorable you know that?” I say grabbing the fondant that Louis previously opened.

“Yeah, I think so,” He arrogantly says with a playful shrug.

I roll my eyes.

We start placing the cutters on the fondant and sticking them onto the cake.

“It’s coming along nicely,” Louis says as we finish adding all the shaped fondant.

I nod in agreement.

“Time for the icing!” I excitedly say, grabbing it.

“Take full reign,” Louis says, eyeing my next move.

I smile and start writing ‘Happy Birthday Louis’ on the face of the cake with an exclamation point. But instead of the exclamation point having a period at the bottom it has a heart.

“There,” I say with a proud smile.

“Perfect!” Louis softly says at the finished product and looks up at me. “You’re perfect.”

I melt at his compliment and pout. He goes to grab my hand from across the table and sweetly smiles.

“I love you,” He says with a voice to die for.

“I love you too!” I say softly to him. I lean over the table and sweetly peck his lips. He smiles.

“Shall we go now?” He asks and I nod.

Our cake gets placed in a box to go and I pay for the cake.

Louis frowns.

“It’s your birthday okay?” I say holding onto his hand.

He grunts to himself, causing me to laugh.

“Thank you!” Louis says to the worker as he gets handed the box.

We head out of the shop hand in hand. One hand was holding mine and his other was holding the box of cake.

“What time do we have to check into the hotel?” Louis asks as we walk mindlessly through the city.

“There’s no specific time,” I responded.

He smiles like he’s got something up his sleeve.

“Why?” I inquire.

“I have the perfect spot!” He beams with a huge toothy smile.

“Alright.” I say slowly waiting for him to reveal more of his ‘perfect spot’.

“So there’s this perfect place we can go to. It has a perfect view, it’s secluded, and we can eat our cake there!” Louis elated with beaming eyes.

“That sounds wonderful!” I say in awe as I swing our interlocked hands.

He chuckles and nods in agreement.

“We’ll have to take the car to our special destination,” He charmingly says.

I smile in favor and hand him the keys.

As soon as we make it to the car he lets go of my hand and jogs over to open the passenger side door.

“Aww. You’re so sweet, babe!” I say pouting and going in for a quick kiss.

He chuckles and closes the door for me once I’m seated in his car.

He gets in the car and places the cake in the backseat.

“Okay.” He says once he fastens his seatbelt. “It’s not too far from here but we’ll probably get stuck in traffic. Which isn’t that bad because we’ll kill time and make it right on time for the sunset,” He rants, pulling out of his parallel parking and onto the road.

“Wow, babe. That's kinda hot,” I let out. My eyes were on his hands that were placed on the fine black steering wheel.

He quickly looks over at me and chuckles.

His right hand leaves the steering wheel and firmly makes it onto my thigh.

“Hey! Both hands on the wheel sir!” I remark.

“Oh shove off!” He says with an eye roll which ends with my chuckle.

I place my hand on top of his and I see the smile that grows on his face making me feel the butterflies all over again.

“I can never get over the fact of how lucky I am to have you, Louis,” I softly say looking over to him.

“If anything I’m the lucky one, y/n,” He says looking over to me, taking his eyes off the road for a slight second.

I shake my head.

“I’m being serious, Louis,” I say just as soft. “I really am amazed with you. Everything about you,” I say intertwining over fingers and bringing our hands to my lips.

I sense his blush.

“Thank you.” He softly whispers. “I really appreciate it, love.”

I nod and hum in response.

I shift in my seat and lay my head on his right arm.

“You tired?” He asks, concerned.

I shake my head.

“No. I just feel comfortable is all.” I mumble out.

Louis nods cutely looking down at me in awe.

“This feels so surreal,” Louis says regarding driving his brand new vehicle.

“I’m sure it does!” I say standing up from my past position. “The sun seems to be going down,” I say looking out the window.

Louis looks out and looks at the sky.

“Good thing we’re here then,” Louis beams, turning off his car at the side of an empty street.

“Where are we?” I say unbuckling my seatbelt.

“You’ll see. Now come on!” Louis says getting out of the car and reaching out for the cake.

I chuckle in confusion as I get out of the car, following his lead.

“Come here,” He calls out to me with his hand out.

I skip over to him, grabbing his hand.

He leads me across the street to what seems like an abandoned parking building.

“The view looks amazing from up there!” Louis says as he leads me into the first floor of the parking structure. We make it to the stairs and start the venture up it.

“It’s a bit long but it’s worth it, I promise!” He says excitedly.

I laugh and nod.

Everything is worth it when I’m with him.

The flight of stairs was lengthy, it was around a dozen floors worth of stairs.

The sky was in full view when we finally made it to the rooftop of the building.

“Nice, right?” Louis says pulling me into him.

“Yeah. Nice.” I say looking around at the beautiful setting sky. “It looks beautiful.”

“It does and just wait for it to get dark! You’ll see all the lights from here. It really is an incomparable view,” Louis explains and finds a spot for us to sit that catches the view perfectly.

The sky showcased a nice array of deep colors. I hold onto Louis' hand and lay my head on his shoulder. I lay comfortably on him and he puts an arm around me.

“God I love you!” Louis sighs after a moment of silence.

I blush and look down.

“You’re adorable.” He lovingly says once he realizes I’m a blushing mess.

He pets the top of my head and looks out into the dazzling city of London.

“I wouldn’t trade this for the world,” I softly let out into the air.

“Me neither,” Louis hums, looking down at me and smiling.

“Your smile always kills me,” I say with rosy cheeks.

“My smile is just my body expressing and saying what I can’t form into words. I just look at you and I’m like damn.” Louis says, his voice lowering towards the end.

I smile and leave kisses on his hand.

“Shall we open our cake?” Louis asks, grabbing the box.

“Yes!” I beam out and situate myself up

Louis opens up the box and takes out the cake.

“Let me take one last look at it before it’s gone,” He says to himself as he takes one last look at it.

“Hey!” He calls out. “I didn’t know you added this?” Louis says with a surprised look on his face, pointing at the crown shaped fondant.

I geekily smiled.

“I added it while you weren’t looking! It signifies you being my prince, my king.” I shyly say, placing my hand on the opposite side of his face and placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Aww. Baby!” He says slightly putting his body over mine, causing me to lean back. “You’re my queen,” He whispers against my lips, his body threatening to push me against the floor.

He looks down at my lips and they flicker back up to my eyes and without hesitation he presses his lips against mine, causing me to fall back. Our kiss deepens once I’m in between the ground and Louis.

Louis' hand makes it to my neck and jaw, holding it softly. We were there laying on a rooftop with our cake awaiting us. Louis lays on top of me and he pulls away, looking deep into my soul.

“Come on, let’s eat some cake,” He mumbles, sitting up and holding out his arm for me to grab. I do so and he pulls me up and we both sit.

He hands me a fork and we both dig in.

“This is delicious!” Louis says with a mouthful.

I giggle as he has a mouthful of the cake.

“Gosh, it looks beautiful out here!” I say, mesmerized by the bright lights of London in contrast to the now dark sky.

Louis nods and wraps his arms around my waist.

He looks over to me and then back at the view.

He prompts a kiss on my head and smiles.

I turn to look at him.

“What’s in that head of yours?” I ask curiously.

Louis shakes his head looking away.

“Just thinking of how amazing this moment is,” He lets out.

My heart warms up to his sweet thoughts.

I look down and place my hand over his hand that is placed on his lap. While the other is still wrapped around me.

He smiles at my small gesture. Loving how it felt to have my fingers tracing along the top of his hand. It gave him a nice ravishing feeling.

He couldn’t lie, he did feel a bit irked when the tickling of the tracing stopped when I went to get another fork of cake.

I giggle once I notice the disheveled look on his face.

He wasn’t good at hiding his thoughts.

“Come here,” I say with a laugh as I go to grab his free hand.

He laughs and I start tracing my nails along the top of his hand.

“I’m not looking forward to walking down that long flight of stairs!” I groaned out.

“We should just stay here,” He chuckled.

“Or…. You could just carry me.” I smiled jokingly.

“Do you want me to die!” He exclaimed, but his eyes immediately widened once he realized how that came out.

“What?!” I rose my brows at him in surprise. “Are you calling me-”

“No, no, no! Not like that! I swear! I just meant like it’s a long flight of stairs and it’s tiring walking down it on your own. I- I swear I wasn’t calling you anything like that! Carrying even a baby would be tiring because you’re holding something. Oh, fuck me.” He sighs as he tries to explain his horrible wording.

I let out a laugh and roll my eyes at him.

“You have such an amazing way with words, don't you Louis?” I tease.

“Oh stop!” He says, rolling his eyes at me. His smile curled up into his cheeks after he let out a huge sigh in relief, knowing that I understood that he was in no way saying anything harmful.

“You’re such an idiot!” I say playfully shoving him.

“Wellll I’m your idiot!” He beams.

I giggle and nod.

“Okay. I'm just glad you didn’t take it the wrong way!” He says with another sigh.

I giggle.

“I know what you meant, Louis,” I smile, pecking his lips in reassurance.

“Oh thank god!” He says with another huge sigh, holding his hand over his heart.

I let out a giggle with another eyeroll.

“Come on. Let’s get going before room service ends!” I smile standing up and lending my hand out for Louis to grab.

“Alright.” He smiles idiotically.

-

I hope you all enjoyed it!!. This was my first Louis imagine. So if you all want more let me know and request! Love you all!

Don't forget to leave a like and reblog, it’d be greatly appreciated.

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Love you all and thank you!

[holden-norgorov]

I was wrong: an apology for Show!Kaz.

Listen, at first I didn't even want to write this post down, but as I noticed that a considerable amount of people have been showing disappointment toward Kaz not being "smart enough" in comparison to the book, I feel the need to point some things out with the hope of making you re-evaluate your line of thinking.

The thing is, Kaz Brekker in the show is a character that very much grows to book-readers with a needed careful and attentive rewatch.

I binged the whole season in a consecutive-7h-long binge-watching session during April 23rd, and came out of it feeling mildly disappointed with the way Kaz had been written (but not portrayed; Freddy was truly amazing). The one aspect that really bugged me at first was that his typical modus operandi when it came to plotting and scheming (by which I mean, keeping the big picture of his plans to himself and revealing just tiny pieces to everyone else according to each one's strengths and weaknesses, so as to make sure to reach the maximum potential of success while risking failure as little as possible) seemed to be kinda absent. I could easily make peace with Kaz not being as ruthless as he is in SoC, because the writers couldn't possibly make only-viewers willing to root for someone like Kaz without presenting at least some way in which he was vulnerable compared to other villainous characters. And to be honest, the fact that Kaz was ambushed by Pekka and forced to his knees not only nicely ties up with him wishing for Pekka to kneel in front of him at the beginning of SoC, but it also provides a reason as to why he would become closed-off and hesitant to apologize to Inej in the future. He was so concerned and willing to openly apologize to Inej in this scene that he lowered his guard enough without thinking and ended up giving Pekka access to Inej's name and revealing to him his own soft spot for her, before being beaten up.

That said, this was not my issue with the character. My issue was with the absence of his modus operandi as a masterful planner. I just didn't feel it during the binge-watch. But then I carefully rewatched the show, paying close attention to the actual succession of events more than to how accurate the characterization of the Crows was compared to the books. And I completely changed my mind.

If you pay attention, you can see that Kaz has been manipulating Arken from the very beginning, and everything Arken has accomplished was made possible because Kaz wanted it to happen, so that Arken would believe to be one step ahead of him and not see his betrayal coming. He quickly realizes that he and Arken think alike, and that he has to find a way to outsmart him.

As soon as the Conductor appears in the show, Kaz points out that he reached out to him not only because he can make them cross the Fold, but also because he smuggles Grisha who are unwilling to fight out of the Little Palace. He immediately grasps that the Conductor actively profits from the existence of the Fold and therefore that his own transport has to be constantly operative and effective. Which makes him realize that there has to be a political interest in his smuggling business for it to be allowed to flourish and survive undisturbed, and that someone has to financially back him up and subsidize the mantainance of the train and the feasibility of the crossing.

Soon after the Crows discovered that Nina had been captured and could no longer guide them to the Little Palace, Arken tries to sabotage their mission by convincing them to abandon it. This is where Kaz understands that he is actively interested in their kidnapping of the Sun Summoner to not happen, and begins suspecting he might have a separate agenda.

He purposefully risks the whole mission on Jesper not gambling everything away while looking for alabaster coal by deciding to grab the goat by himself, which is a less time-consuming task. This grants him the opportunity to attend to a quick rally for West Ravka's independence led by General Zlatan, where he sees Arken retiring with him in a private tent. His suspects about Arken are validated, and he understands that Arken has been smuggling Grisha out of East Ravka to the West with the support of Zlatan, who is also making some kind of alliance with Fjerdians and keeping a blind-eye to druskelle hunting and capturing Grisha (as we find out later on).

While they are crossing the Fold, Kaz is visibly skeptical of Arken's story about the transport being conveniently effective because of his knowledge of engineering and physics, and a chunk of luck. Arken seems to know too well how to safely cross the Fold, and the trasport seems to have worked far too many times for it to be the product of the underground, illegal practice of just one man.

In East Ravka, Kaz comes up with the Royal Archive Heist with the hope of stealing the Little Palace blueprints from the Palace of Kribirsk. But there's a very short scene here, which apparently seems unimportant but is actually pivotal: Kaz gives Arken money to make friends with East Ravkans so as to grant them a safe passage to Os Alta. Keep in mind: at this point Kaz is sure that Arken has been given by Zlatan a personal agenda to carry out regarding the Sun Summoner (I genuinely believe he also grasps that the secret plan is to kill her, so as to prevent the Fold from being destroyed and their smuggling business from being no longer profitable), so he knows Arken has total interest in making sure that they actually have a ride to the Little Palace. Which means, by urging him to "make some friends", Kaz already knows Arken will come up with a plan to be able to arrive to Os Alta and carry out his own mission at any costs, if the blueprints of the Little Palace that they are planning to steal end up being useless. And not only that: he wants Arken to believe he is being one-step ahead of them by "saving their asses" with this back-up plan, so as to easily come to the conclusion that the Crows have no reason to distrust him (how could they, when he finds them a second way-in?) and completely disregard the idea that Kaz might stab him in the back before he does the same thing to them. This is some mastermind thinking and completely IC for Kaz, because all the inner workings of his schemes go completely unnoticed on the outside.

Now that Arken proudly looks like the one who managed to grant them passage to Os Alta, he has no reason to believe Kaz might have ulterior motives when he decides to be the one carrying out a preliminary exploration of the Little Palance's hallways, despite his wounded leg making it difficult for him. But here's when Kaz sees Marie and immediately understands that she's supposed to be a decoy for Alina. So he coldly plans the whole kidnapping operation so as to make sure Arken ends up trying to kill (or directly killing) Marie. Which is why he shows no surprise when Arken reveals he can actually open the Fabrikator-made door with a device he carries with himself (probably provided by Zlatan to be able to get access to Alina's private rooms, or maybe already in his possession from when he had smuggled other Grisha out previously), and shows no hesitation when saying outwardly to everyone that Arken will be the one actually carrying out the kindnapping just because "he knows his way around Grisha locks". I actually believe Inej senses that there's something going on that she doesn't fully know when Kaz so light-heartedly allows Arken to lay his hands on their 1 Mln Kruge prize, but her suspicions (likely born out because she knows Kaz too well) are quickly put to rest and given an explaination only after Arken effectively falls into his trap.

After Alina escapes from the Crows in the following episode, we are led to believe that Kaz abandons the idea of kidnapping her again because of Inej, and this turns out to be actually true (despite Inej herself being incredibly suspicious of this, because of how unseemly it would be). Inej also believes Kaz to be so calculating that she points out that he might have planned to let Alina go in the first place and to detonate Arken's transport so as to travel with the same sandskiff Alina is embarking on and kindap her there. Inej would not have such a suspicion if Kaz's reputation didn't live up to that modus operandi.

While we actually learn that Kaz was being genuine with Inej about having abandoned the idea of kidnapping Alina, we also quickly learn that Kaz has spent the last two episodes silently coming up with a whole new other plan to make sure they can go back to Ketterdam without being killed by Dreesen and Pekka Rollins.

Now, as you can see, this is actually a lot. And this whole progression of events is handled so smoothly by the writing that it's fully admirable only by rewatching the show and paying close attention to Kaz's actions, while also knowing how his mind works. All of this is internal workings, which is typical Kaz.

So, I was wrong. His modus operandi is very much present. It's just barely detectable, as it should be for it to be believable. I hope this might reassure some deluded fans who came out of their watching session feeling let down by Kaz not looking "smart enough". It's all there! And the fact that so many of us couldn't see it at first hand, if you think about it, is just further proof that Kaz's intelligence and ability to scheme were handled extremely well. They couldn't make his mental workings too obvious to the casual viewers, or the character would have lost what actually makes him brilliant, which is the ability to outsmart others without being detected, exposed or anticipated.