#I know I can survive Christmas but... It doesn't feel like it

[leanderqueenie]

Oh oreo with choclate<3 if I was told you disguised yourself and the girl I long to hold, I would know the truth that you are with me and will soon be gone, and she is gone but will soon be with me.

[rakurairagnarok]

I dedicate this story to my good friend and writing buddy @idesofrevolution. Merry Christmas buddy and please PLEASE Enjoy. Happy holidays to everyone and Happy TF's.

A Green Christmas

`What!!`

Ryan screamed at the news.

You sighed.

´I have no choice, my family has to move, and I have to go as well, I don´t have any accommodation here.´

Ryan grumbled. `Bro... you can´t leave me man... you´re my best bud.´

You grimaced. Your friend had been acting weird lately. You used to be super close, and you honestly still are, but your interests had began to shift. You used to play games, watch cartoons and study together, but lately Ryan had become absent from you life. He had been ´busy´ with other things but his grades had been plummeting and he had picked up smoking. Ryan had no idea you knew this, but you had seen the pictures from your classmates. His wardrobe had changed too. Before he would wear shirts and khakis, now its oversized shirts and hoodies. He started wearing contacts as well, which, to be honest, was a great look for him, he looked very handsome without glasses. His lingo had switched as well. No more academic jargon. Just simple sentences, which almost always had at least one bro in them.

`Look Ryan, I really am sorry, but I just can´t make this work´

Your family was moving, and while you were a college student, who by all accounts should have received some form of scholarship due to your amazing grades, you never did. The truth however, was that you wanted to move. The alienating feeling you got from your former best friend broke something in you, and you had to put some distance between eachother. You could easily apply for the on-campus dormitories but you just couldn`t bear staying near the now almost stranger.

`Look you´d better go, I want to be home before Christmas and I still have a lot of packing to do.'

Ryan sighed and left. After closing the door behind him, You let out a grunt.

"Why does it have to be this way! What happend to him?"

Reluctantly you began packing. Your father would come and get you and your things on Christmas eve, so you had your work cut out for you. You were currently staying Ryan, but this had always been a temporary solution. Ryan's landlord didn't want two friends staying together only couples or families. Ryan had become quite open to you about his sexuality. He had told you he was bisexual and that he could always tell the landlord the two of you were dating, but you had declined. You had a hard enough time not getting picked on. If word would get out that you two were dating, you would not be able to survive. What Ryan didn't know is that you were in fact also bisexual. You really liked girls but men really were where you got your satisfaction. From porn that is, because you were still a virgin. You grew up in a strict Christian household, with a Father from the south. Your parents would never approve and they were the reason you didn't have to work, so coming out was never an option.

A loud knock shook you from your deep train of thought. You opened the door and Ryan was standing right there, smiling.

"Steven, can we talk bro?"

"Ryan, I told you. I need to pack for..."

"Please, just for a little while."

"...Fine..."

Ryan walked in and sat down on your bed.

"Look man... I've been thinking... I need to be honest with you about something."

You looked at your former best friend with confusion. He had been so dominant and confident these last few weeks, and all of a sudden he looked shy and insecure.

"I... I picked up smoking... and... not just cigarettes. Weed too"

You sighed.

"I know Ryan, I have seen you. Don't worry, it's whatever... Your body, your choice."

Ryan smiled.

"Yeah for reallll broo but, I wanted to ask you a favor."

"What is it?" You asked, slightly impatient.

"Come sit down first" Ryan had this shit eating grin on his face, his perfect white teeth on display. Wait that doesn't sound right. he had braces right?

Because you took so long, Ryan grabbed your arm and pulled you onto the bed, right next to him.

"What the hell man!" You exclaimed.

He quickly wraps an arm around your shoulders, his musky scent drilling into your nose, and holds something up to your face.

"I really, really want to smoke this with you man. Like dying wish and shit."

You look down and see a blunt in between his fingers.

"I don't smoke Ryan, you know this" You point out.

" Just one hit bro, that's all, I won't tell anyone, you don't have to smoke any more, just humor me with this man."

You took a deep breath and wanted to decline, but then something clicked.

"You know what. Sure."

Ryan's grin widened. 'Let's fucking go bro!!!" He quickly grabbed a lighter, and lit the blunt.

He took the first hit, blowing the smoke right into your face, the fumes invading your nose and throat, leaving you gasping for air.

"Sorry there bro, just wanted to give you a little taste."

"I'm only taking one hit bro... fuck" Your eyes widen not only did you just curse, something which you rarely do, you also just used bro in your sentence. Hoping he didn't notice you hold out your hand to take the blunt.

Ryan, who's grinning from ear to ear, hands you the blunt, and you quickly take a hit. You deeply inhale, feeling the smoke fill your lungs and the weed invade your brain. A single hit, and you can almost feel your brain stopping.

"W...whaaat the fuuuuuck" You mumble. Your jaw slacks a bit as the smoke escapes from your lips.

"You gonna take that hit or not bro?" Ryan asked with a sly grin on his face.

"Huh didn't I just?'' You asked confused.

"Bro are you already tripping? I just blew some smoke in your face man, thats all. Now come on bro, you promised."

You took a hit, taking a deep breath, feeling the smoke fill your lungs, and your whole body. Slowly blowing out you feel constricted. You look down to see your buttoned up shirt bulging. You tug on it a bit, and it flies open, revealing a chiseled abdomen and two meaty pecs.

"Brooo wat the fahk' You mumble. "My chest is so big... what the hell"

"Yeah bro I know right. I love that strain. Made me who I am today" Ryan smirks as he takes off his hoodie showing his massive arms and chest.

You look in awe as he stretches a bit, his smooth torso , and bulging muscles on display. He drops his sweats, showing off a massive bulge in his white briefs as he looks at you and smirks.

"Wanna take another hit bro?"

Before he even finished his sentence the blunt was back in your mouth, filling you up with even more smoke. You look down and begin to giggle as you bounce your growing pecs.

"Huhuhu broo they are so bigg... what the shit..." You say as a familiar musk begins radiating from your growing body.

Ryan smiles back.

"Yeah bro you're getting so fuckin huge. You're so hot"

You look at him with a flushed face.

"What... did you say?"

"You're hot. You look amazing."

"Thanks..." You can't help but blush, seeing as he himself is a fucking model.

"You're really hot yourself" You say with a beetred face

Ryan stops smiling and looks at you. He sits down and looks you in the eyes.

"I don't want you to go Stevey. I love you..."

Your eyes widen at the words, and before you know it, his lips get pressed against yours. Before you can react he pushes his tongue into your mouth, and a torrent of smoke follows suit. It's almost as if hes blowing you up, and it feels that way too, Your muscles getting bigger, your mind hazier, and your dick... well...

You manage to push away and look at him.

"Ry... I ... "

"yeah?"

"I think... no ... I know... I love you too man"

Ryan signature shit eating grin flies back onto his face.

"Fuck yeah bro!!"

A sheepish smile creeps onto your face as you grab the blunt from his fingers, taking a massive hit before grabbing his neck and blowing the smoke into his mouth.

"You're so sexy." You say as he blows the smoke back into your face.

"What about you then, such a fucking cute stud you are"

The two of you continue laughing, finishing the blunt before crawling into each others arms.

You text your dad that he doesn't have to come get you anymore, as you will be staying with your boyfriend, and promptly block him afterwards.

You nuzzled up to your boyfriends pit and took a deep breath. It smelled amazing and it bricked you up knowing you smell the same.

This will be a pretty special Christmas.

__________________________________________________________

Happy Holidays Everyone!!!! Feel free to send in some asks or order something at Rakurai Inc.!!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for saying I'm not rich?

Wait stop hear me out

So the thing is, my father is wealthy. Or at least he made enough money to have two Ferraris and a boat, which to me are the most useless things because why would u spend that money on this when u could spend it on food or commodities but details

When I was young, any time I asked for money or something, he'd make a huge deal about it. He'd make me feel awful, so awful that I just stopped asking for anything at all, starting from my teenage years to my college years, and I survived entire months, living alone during college, with 50 dollars to get by. For groceries and bills. And yes, he was nice enough to pay for my rent (170 dollars back then) but every time I'd be the worst piece of garbage for asking him. Worst thing was, I wanted a job, but he had this delusion that any sort of job that would take me, basically customer service, i wanted was "underneath my daughter" so he legit didn't let me and he'd go to big, big hoops to not allow me to do so

I'd never buy clothes or other necessities: I spent my teenage years just putting together what I got from relatives to make some savings, and I'd survive on that. He'd go splendid on my birthday and christmas, I guess, he'd buy me things, but I came to dread those days because the thought of him spending money -and how he reacted to it- always sent me into a blind panic so yes even though I got nice gifts I was never happy about it and I really really don't like my birthday

So I was always the girl who had two Ferraris to my friends, and they'd always get mad at me when I honestly told them "actually Im not rich" or "I'm sorry I'd rather go to the cheaper place" - because I legit thought i wasn't - and called me an asshole. But This was my father's money and I lived with him, but I rarely saw an actual dollar, everything I bought was with my savings and I spent years and years accumulating it, hoarding it. So I lived in this fancy house, but I'd wear 3 dollar pants and worn shoes because that's what I could afford with my money.

Note that even paying my school fees was a nightmare to me, because my father openly said I was a parasite and screamed at me but whATEVER

So um, my friends always said i was an ass for saying I didn't have any money, when my father was swimming in it. But when u survive on the allowance ur aunt gave u for an entire month, u really don't feel like it? and I always always felt so bad about it, because it felt like they were right and I was an asshole for pretending I don't have money. Except I didn't. I really didn't. That was all his, not mine, and while he did pay school and college flat rent, he was always making sure I knew what a burden I was for it. So yes, I'd still say I was actually not rich - even though I was lucky enough to have someone pay for me.

Anyway yeah AITA for saying I'm not rich? Tbh I really don't know if I can consider myself that, when it's not mine and I've never actually used it, it doesn't feel like it, but some tell me that's my privilege and I guess that could be right

Note: I am a grown adult now, I live on my own, pay my own things and have my job. And he's happy that he doesn't have to pay for me anymore, is baffled by my relationship with money (I don't like spending it ahah), not so much about me not living with him though. (The weird thing is he wants me with him, but not to take care of me which, honestly, valid) I do have a better relationship with him, but we never talk money because I live on minimum wage - ironically enough in costumer service - and he doesn't, so to me spending 60 on groceries is a lot (150 bills destroy me honestly, so winter is a joy) and he always, always mocks me for it. It's weird how he goes around with a Rolex and snuffs me for wearing Primark pants and then people constantly just... Think I have money at all and get mad at me when I say I don't

Anyway yeah AITA for saying I'm not rich? Tbh I really don't know if I can consider myself that if it's not mine, if I've never actually used it, it doesn't feel like it, but some tell me that's my privilege and I guess that could be right

[apocalypseornaw]

Look after You

Dean Winchester x Gender neutral Reader

You're hurt in a car accident and Dean takes care of you.

@hpxmcusworld I hope you enjoy

Dean was pacing the floor of the library, staring at his phone and silently begging it to ring. You should've been back by now. Why hadn't he gone with you?

"Still no word?” Sam asked, walking in behind him and he nearly growled “No. Man, can you track their phone,please?” Sam felt his heart drop at Dean's voice. He knew his brother loved you, he had for years and the thought of losing you terrified him. If after all the loss something happened to you Sam wasn't sure Dean would survive it.

Right as Sam got his laptop on, Dean's phone started blaring. Dean answered it and a voice he didn't recognize hit his ears “Is this Mister Dean Campbell?” He swallowed hard before saying “Yes” “We have your spouse here. They were brought in from an automobile accident”

“WHAT?” Dean felt his heart threaten to stop at that moment. His ears started ringing and his knees weakened. Sam moved to his side and took the phone, clicking the speaker on “Hello?” “Mister Campbell?” The doctor asked and Sam replied “This is his brother” “Oh well I was telling your brother we have his spouse in the emergency department. They were injured in an automobile accident. A drunk driver ran a stop sign and hit their car. They're stable but currently in for a CT scan. We need their emergency contact here as soon as possible” “We'll get there as soon as we can” 

Your head was throbbing, the bright fluorescent lights were killing you. What was worse was according to the doctors you'd lost a few weeks. The last thing you remembered was Christmas and apparently it was St Patrick's Day weekend.

You were terrified and alone. The doctor had told you he called Dean but he hadn't arrived yet. You knew he'd be to your side soon though.

—-----------

The moment you were wheeled out of the room for the scan however you heard Dean's voice loud and clear “Where are they at? You called me and told me they're hurt, then I got here and what? You fucking lost them?”

You laughed lightly and the nurse smiled “That him?” You grinned “Yes ma'am” already feeling better knowing Dean was here. He'd take care of you.

You sat on your bed with Dean's arm wrapped protectively around you. He hadn't moved since he got to your side. As always Sam was being the more diplomatic one, handling paperwork and talking to doctors. “I should go find the asshole that hit you and rip his lungs out” he grumbled and you smiled, curling into his side “They said I'll be ok Dean. It's just a concussion and should heal on its own” he nodded “Doesn't mean I'm not still pissed someone hurt you. I'm pissed at them and at myself. I never should've let you go alone”

You sighed knowing this was an argument you'd lose. Of course Dean was blaming himself instead of the person who chose to drink way too much and get behind the wheel. 

After about an hour Sam came in pushing a wheelchair “Good news. Your awesome brother in law talked the doctor into letting you go home. We have a list of aftercare precautions but given our history with injuries I'm sure we can handle it” you cut your eyes at Dean who sighed “about time. I want to get you back to the bunker”

“I can walk!” You squealed when Dean picked you up out of the backseat and headed out of the garage and towards your shared room. He nodded “I know but I'm not taking no chances of hurting you further. Cas will be here in two days to heal you. Until then you're not getting out of my sight”

Once you made it to the room he sat you gently down on the bed then dug in the dresser pulling out one of his own shirts and a pair of his boxers. At your look he rolled his eyes “Don't act like you don't enjoy wearing my clothes more than yours anyways” He did have a point.

He treated you like you were made of glass as he stripped you of the scrubs the hospital had given you and dressed you in his clothes. Once he was sure you were comfortable he kicked off his boots and crawled into bed next to you, pulling you over on his chest “You need anything baby?”

You shook your head “I remember Christmas. Can you catch me up?” He smiled before catching your lips in a gentle kiss “Of course”

—---------------

Before you fell asleep Dean sat multiple alarms to wake you up at the needed intervals. Once you were out he laid there, watching your chest rise and fall gently. He needed the assurance you were ok. 

He loved you more than he'd ever dreamt of loving someone. When he met you he was knocked off his feet by how much he wanted you the moment he laid eyes on you but then he got to know you. Every conversation, every hunt, every late night talk he fell deeper and deeper.

The day he realized he loved you wasn't a big scene or anything memorable really. You were sitting in Bobby's kitchen, helping him make salt rounds and humming under your breath. When he'd walked into the room you met his eyes and smiled and he'd felt like he'd been hit by a truck when the realization hit him that you owned his heart and he had no intention of ever asking for it back.

If something had happened to you…no he wouldn't go down that rabbit hole. You were here, alive and he'd make sure from now on he was always at your side. Logically he knew he couldn't have stopped a wreck but his heart wasn't hearing that. You were his and he would be damned before anything ever hurt you again.

[boopshoops]

TWST OC INTRODUCTION - TCOAV

Yuu Shi - First Half of the Whole

Name: Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?

Alias: Yuu Shi

Nicknames: Shishi, Moonflower, Catfishy, Trickster, Reine du Rock

Gender: Female

Pronouns: Any with she/her preference

Sexuality: Pansexual

Birthday: November 29

Age: 18 in canon TWST age, 20 in TCOAV AU

Height: 5'9 or 176cm

Voice Claim(s): Oktavia and Will Stetson

Twisted from: Wouldn't you like to know, w-

Unique Magic: N/A

Grade: Freshman

Class: 1-A, 3-D, a few others... guys, I think Crowley screwed up.

Hobbies: Singing, acting, playing guitar, playing piano, playing violin, performing covers of songs, dancing.

Likes: Dogs, cats, snow, the color red, gold, alternative rock music (or almost any music, really), fashion.

Dislikes: Caffeine, improper self care, being touched by strangers, Christmas music, children, coffee, alcohol.

Fears: Spiders, bugs, snakes, becoming disconnected with the people she loves.

Summary: The prefect of Ramshackle dorm. Known for being shrouded in gossip and secrecy, she is on a mission to learn all she can about the world outside her home. Why, you ask? So she can maintain just as much power as the other students of Night Raven College.

Filled to the brim with wit and faux charisma, Yuu adores the spotlight. She isn't one to care whether the attention is good or bad, as long as it is on her... That is, if they have less influence than she does. She is fluent in acting, lying, kissing up, and manipulating people to get on their good side. Those who are placed above her on the social ladder will be very familiar with it.

Yuu couldn't give less of a shit about morals. She finds survival, safety, and social standing to be much more important. It doesn't matter who she has to metaphorically stomp on. Her desire for power to obtain safety, though, stems from a long list of insecurities. Don't get me wrong, her vanity isn't just for show, but she is, indeed, capable of feeling guilt.

Character Playlist - Outfit Inspiration

Author's Notes: "Yuu" is a character who has been around as an idea for a long time, approximately just as long as Jocia, but she wasn't anything more than a plot device until around 2018. I finally fully developed her and gave her a set design and personality that was more than just "Jocia's twin." Previously she acted as a goal to work towards in some of my stories, but now she often takes on the role of antagonist or a foil character.

[dairy-farmer]

Thinking about that public incest au, especially after the post today (Mar 19), but not specifically inspired by it.

But!

Just because incest is publicly acceptable doesn't mean it's compulsory or anything, and rape is still very much a thing (in fact, it's taken Even More seriously because society is so sex positive!). A lot of the time it comes down to family traditions/dynamics - for a (probably very weird) comparison, consider in America how a lot of people have ham on Christmas. But some people have turkey, some people like my family have lasagna, and some people even go out for Chinese food. It's all a matter of preference. Where am I going with this? Tim's parents were never into it. Maybe Tim was too young for them, maybe they were monogamous, maybe they just didn't care for him that much. The point is, Tim's family never fucked him.

And while the Waynes indulge occasionally (no one to question your scars, and it's someone you can feel really safe with) none of them ever tried to fuck Tim either.

This leads to everyone's favorite type of Tim; Insecure and Doesn't Feel Like Part of the Family Tim™!

Why didn't they fuck him? Partly because he was too young at first, and partly because of how he joined the family / was introduced to everybody. Bruce was grieving Jason and at least a bit bitter about Tim being Robin. Add to that the fact Bruce didn't fuck his other sons all that often either - him and Dick did it occasionally when Dick was younger (got to show him how to do it in a safe controlled environment) but then Dick spent a long time being very annoyed with him. Now they only really have sex on special occasions. And poor Jason was forced to do that stuff to survive on the streets and was convinced for a long time that Bruce only took him in for that reason. Once he was comfortable, though, Jason initiated it a couple times before he died - after which he had no interest 😒.

So Bruce never really brought it up, even after adopting Tim: plus, Tim never approached him either and since Tim had mentioned in passing he never did that with his parents, Bruce just figured it wasn't a thing he was interested in. Dick was similar - oh, he was free with hugs and cuddles and stuff, but at first Tim wasn't family, and then once he was Dick came to the same conclusion as Bruce. Jason and Damian not initiating anything is for the obvious reasons - if you tried to kill someone multiple times in the past it can be incredibly awkward to bring up, even when you start getting along.

So poor Tim feels like he's not really a part of the family, because no one's ever offered to have sex with him, even though it's definitely something the Waynes do - aside from fucking Bruce, Dick and Jason definitely fooled around for a short time before Jason died and occasionally after he came back, and he knows for a fact that Dick showed Damian how to fuck and be fucked while working as his Batman. So of course Tim starts to drift away - it's fine, it's not like he's actually part of the family! And everyone is quietly freaking out because Timmy is pulling away! They love and care about him (even the two who don't like to admit it), and they're not sure how to fix it!

Until!!!

One day Dick decides to surprise Tim in the Nest, and as he's sneaking up on Tim in his living room, he hears that Tim is crying softly. He peeks in the room and sees that Tim is watching a movie, and at first he thinks it's one of those tear jerkers, except... It's not. It's one of those silly family based comedy movies. Specifically, it's at an unimportant part where two sisters are having a 'getting along' montage, including a tasteful fade-to-black moment (it is a family movie after all). And it clicks for Dick. He quietly extracts himself before Tim can notice him, and returns to the manor, calling a family meeting, sans Tim.

Dick explains what he learned and the meeting explodes into chatter and arguments. Damian demands to know why, if this is the case, Tim never said anything himself? Dick calmly reminds them that Tim is a very cautious person. If he believed that none of them were interested or cared about him, what possible reason would he have to put himself out there and risk rejection? After a moment of quiet contemplation, Jason abruptly stands up and starts striding out of the room. Bruce demands to know what he's doing, to which Jason replies that he's gonna being the baby bird back into the flock.

Cue an incredibly confused, and slightly alarmed, Tim being sought out by each member of the family to be fucked. Each of them have a very different approach. Jason barrels right on in, grabbing Tim up and kissing him senseless, groping and grabbing and teasing, and by the time Tim's brain has a chance to catch up, Jason's got him pinned to a bed (when did that happen!?) and is rubbing the head of his cock against Tim asking for permission to fuck him. And really, who is Tim to say no? (Tim definitely cries during and after, both because it feels really good and because this means Jason actually does see him as family! And cares about him!)

Dick is more subtle, inviting Tim over to his apartment for a movie night and starting with cuddling. Then he purposefully puts a hand high on Tim's thigh. Tim looks at him startled, and Dick asks if he can kiss him. Tim is definitely red and a bit teary eyed as he says yes. They spend a while making out like teenagers, before Dick sides off the couch and proceeds to eat Tim out like it's his goddamn job. By the time Dick finally presses inside, Tim is a quivering sobbing mess.

Damian is the reason Tim finally figures out what is happening, because Damian decides to be direct and forthright about it: he walks up to Tim in the cave when it is just the two of them, and says he has been remiss in his brotherly duties towards Tim and would like the chance to both make up for that and to demonstrate his acceptance of Tim as part of the family. Of course, Tim immediately tests him for mind-altering substances and once he's cleared and has been very clear about his annoyance at the detour, Tim cautiously accepts (after, of course, making a joke about how much all of that must have physically pained him to say. "I only had to say all of that because you are a fool and constantly underestimate the family's affection for you! If you weren't so dim at times, it wouldn't have been necessary to say!!" "Aww, you love me!" ".....yes, I do 😠.") It's honestly kinda awkward at first, with both of them being self-conscious and stiff, until Tim gives an annoyed huff and pushes Damian onto his back before slowly and determinedly riding him. Damian makes a mental note to do this as often as possible in the future, because fuck does Drake Tim feel good. He should have done this way earlier!

Bruce is, of course, the last one to approach Tim. Tim is prepared this time, and even tells Bruce that he understands now that he really is part of the family (none of his brothers were willing to let him up for air until he admitted it) and that Bruce doesn't need to force himself to have sex with Tim just for that. And honestly? That is probably the thing about the whole situation that makes Bruce feel the worst; the fact that he has let Tim believe that doing this with him while be some kind of chore. Just a box to tick on his to-do list of Family Maintenance. Bruce drags Tim up to his bed and spends the next three hours taking him apart and whispering every compliment, encouragement, and endearment that he's ever wanted to say but never really had the courage to into Tim's ear.

By the end of it all, Tim is thoroughly convinced of his place in the family and how much he is loved. But just to make sure he never doubts them again, everyone makes a point to fuck Tim at least once a week.

~❤️🦇

tim being the one in the family who has always wanted to be loved like that!! he was denied it from his parents because they simply hadn't been interested in him like that just like they hadn't been interested in hanging out with him or coming to any important events. but for tim, he'd seen how classmates and friends were able to be loved like that and wanting so badly for his parents to show him the same love. then the waynes who...well never really did it that often. sure on special occasions, or when they were getting along well, or when they did it just to teach each other the ropes of it all. but not tim because they thought that's what HE wanted.

but them figuring it out and rushing to fulfill his needs, making sure he feels loved and has a place in the family and never letting him feel unwanted or unloved again❤️.

[fastcardotmp3]

a steddie "they reconnect after years apart" journey except they never got all that close post-Vecna to begin with. Like they spend a week in hell together, develop the sort of respect you have for someone when you have to work together to save the world, but it doesn't ever get much bigger than that.

They're just two guys who stumbled into each other's lives on circumstance alone and then spend the next decade seeing each other precisely once a year at the single shared holiday they both spend with the party.

New Years.

Eddie always spends Thanksgiving with Wayne and Steve is with Robin every 4th of July (running off and doing their own thing in a tradition everyone knows not to ask about) so the only time both of them end up at the Hopper-Byers residence every year is in that final countdown towards something new.

and they're not enemies and they're not-not friends either, but it's like that friend of your cousin who shows up to the party and you'll chat and make polite conversation and roll your eyes when they say something a bit out of bounds for two people who don't know each other all that well except.

Well, except, when you do that every year it becomes routine. When you do it every year it becomes, I know I'm not gonna have to continue this conversation in the morning so fuck it I'll be honest with you. When you do it every year, on the tipsiest night of the year, surrounded by people you trust in an environment that feels intrinsically safe it becomes--

"Did you quit your shitty job yet or are you still being a pussy about it?"

and it becomes--

"you're not still dating that same jerk as last year, right?"

and it becomes--

"wait, you hate playing Christmas music, why would you let someone talk you into that? Next time call me and I'll knock some sense into your dense skull"

and it becomes--

"I mean obviously a friends with benefits thing wouldn't work out, Steve, you're a serial monogamist"

and it becomes--

"Hey, it's good to see you again, man"

and it becomes--

"I missed your stupid hair."

and it becomes--

"I missed your drunk fucking rants."

and it becomes--

"I missed you."

Years pass, turning one into the next and it becomes I missed you I missed you I miss you.

Because they've been doing this long enough that they know each other, one night a year holding up the kitchen-counter-turned-bar and having their own little isolated conversation in the yellow glow of the only well-lit room in the house, and somewhere along the line they started knowing each other. Seeing each other. Understanding.

At some point it starts to ache, leaving that behind in the early hours of the morning and starting a new year all over again, counting down towards that final countdown when it all feels like it clicks into place. And later, at another point, they start to notice the ache.

They start to notice that they really are leaving something behind in the magic of that moment and it becomes a question of can this survive in the light of day?

It's 1995, about to tip over into 1996 when Eddie looks at Steve and doesn't see the guy pressed up against the wall of a boat shed, or the guy diving headfirst into a frigid lake so the rest of them wouldn't have to, or the guy walking away towards battle with something like uncertainty and something like hope both scrambling for purchase in his eyes.

It's 1995, about to be 1996 when Eddie looks at this guy from his past and realizes that just because he never knew him then doesn't mean he doesn't now, doesn't mean he's not allowed to get to know him now.

Eddie's not the guy who held that bottle to his throat anymore after all, not the guy who dove into that lake after him, who broke a promise and tried to be a hero. Ten years does a lot to a person and so when the Eddie of today looks at the Steve of today and says--

"I'm gonna kiss you at midnight this time, for the record."

--it doesn't feel like the ground is quaking, like anything has to shift to make space for the change that is Steve's slow smile around the lip of his glass in response.

They've been making space for ten years. They've been moving closer to each other a centimeter at a time in this well-lit kitchen, up against the counter-turned-bar.

"Well, if we're going on the record," Steve shrugs as a noise maker cuts through the warmth of their family's chattering throughout the house, "I know that already."

"Yeah?" Eddie's eyebrows shoot up, delight filling up his chest like the mystical hope of starting over. "How?"

"You get this look in your eye," Steve shrugs, "every time you plan on escalating."

Eddie chews on the inside of his cheek to keep from beaming too broadly, sets his glass on the sideboard and gives Steve a curious once-over.

"Yeah, that's the one," Steve laughs, this bright and full sound that it took probably three of those first New Years Eves for Eddie to earn, and it spurs him on.

It has always been becoming, the space between them, and it has always been becoming this, Eddie holding Steve's cheek assuredly with one confident hand and pressing their lips together in a simple, all-consuming, closed-mouth shout of a kiss.

"You didn't wait until midnight," Steve breathes when they pull away, and fuck Eddie has missed him, has found so much to miss in knowing him.

"Don't worry Cinderella," Eddie lets their foreheads touch, lets all that space officially close shut, "I ain't going anywhere when the clock chimes."

[reds-skull]

Fic recs - oneshots (part 4)

I'm currently in like, a lot of pain (...don't ask), so what better way to distract myself than cataloging some fics!

Last time I said I'll do a list of writers, but I noticed that so much time has passed that I've collected enough oneshots for another post like this, so I'm doing this first.

A couple of ones here are from shadowforest-wolf's lists, go check these posts out if you want more recs!

As always, sfw oneshots, if there are any dead links you need fixing let me know!

Sea of Love by MiddlemistsRed (chiakashie) - Soap keeps dying in Al Mazrah and Ghost reincarnates each time to save him.

Offhand Remarks by bisexual_werewolf - Ghost doesn’t think Soap is a good enough soldier. Soap tries his best to fix that. (Spoilers: It doesn’t work)

You'd Be the Mercy Under My Cruelty by ajax_in_agony - Ghost takes care of Soap in the aftermath of "Alone".

TV. by Kodalax - Ghost thinks Soaps mad at him so he distances himself as much as possible and clams up like he’s a child again. [this is a series with a second work from Soap's POV]

where the nightmares end by oh_ellie - Soap is sitting up in his bed, the sheets shoved off of his body and sweat beading on his forehead and running down his temple. It's dark in his room and far too quiet.

taken a shine to me? by oh_ellie - Soap is captured by Graves during alone [this has a second work which is nsfw]

Eleven by VibeDemon - Ghoap get stuck in an elevator. [this is just a little funny one :)]

He's The Gift That Just Keeps Giving! by StrixDaddy - some hurt/comfort featuring Christmas fluff.

Hold On To Me by iamtheidiot - That's when he saw it. A goddamn fucking knife sticking out of the man's right side, his arm at an angle like he was trying to conceal the thing from Soap.

Ghostly Music by oh_heccity - A 5+1 where Soap helps Ghost learn to have a healthy relationship with music, it, of course, has its ups and downs.

My heart in your hands keeps going on by FetteEule - 5 times Ghost is forced to go on leave and 1 time he takes leave on purpose.

Bleeding Sands by Islenthatur - What if Soap was one of the 15 who survived Operation Sand Viper [COD Ghosts Soap]

notre dame by merikai - Soap is stuck under rubble, but it takes a while until someone comes to the rescue.

heaven help the fool who falls in love by merikai - Soap has a "girl". Ghost tries to find out more.

leave it to the land by merikai - “Hypothermic,” Ghost mutters, more to himself as a note than to Soap. “You're delirious. Need to get you warmed up.”

no shortage of sordid by merikai - Hassan's men have taken Soap hostage—but there are things worse than this.

Dehiscence (Opening of a Wound) by made1for1life1 - Johnny knows his mind doesn't work the same as other people's. Maybe he just needs to try harder. Trying harder is a lot harder than he thought.

A quick game of chess by cheersyaslag - when Ghost tells him to shut up, he doesn't exactly know why it hurts so damn much. Maybe he's being too sensitive. But he does shut up. He will do as he's told for once.

Observations and Ink by Fearless_leaderr - He shifts nervously as the other man flips through the pages, and Soap can feel sweat begin to collect on his brow. "Didn't know you could draw like this, Johnny."

Still got like 3 days until I finish the semester, but I already got so many ideas for comics and drawings and fics it's not even funny. I'm gonna have so much fun once I'm finally done with my work T_T

[your-nanas-house]

𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓮, 𝓲𝓭𝓲𝓸𝓽?

◇ Pairing: Neil Lewis X best friend!Reader

◇ Warnings: fluff, sadness, mean parents, Neil's made up childhood, friends to lovers, kiss, tuna

◇ Summary: Neil has to bring his girlfriend to the Christmas dinner with his family, the problem?... He doesn't have one so he asks his best friend.

◇ Note: Another amazing collaboration with @mrkdvidal1989. First fic of the new "event" 'From love to Love'.

Neil froze hearing his mother's words over the phone. His eyes widened in shock while Y/n walked in front of him, peacefully sorting out movies while humming. Unaware that her best friend was just going through a hurricane of thoughts at the ridiculous demand of his mother.

You take her or don't bother to come, she said, and after not getting any response for a couple seconds, she hung up with a sigh of annoyance. He knew how his mother was but usually… he didn't care too much. Usually the whole family would just pick on him “playfully” because of the fact that he was still single, just running his store for a living. Suddenly breathing got heavier and the humiliation set in, as he sighed moving quickly. Passing by Y/n, he rushed to his office, in need of a moment to deal with his own feelings.

“I can’t” were the first words that left Neil’s mouth since the call ended, it was crazy and dangerous and he was pretty much regretting having picked up the phone that morning, he would have lived better without knowing those annoying news. 

He had to go back “home” for Christmas… back to his childhood house more like, as he never truly felt there like home. After a couple of years now going there just to spend Christmas all together like they used to do. A fucking nightmare. How could he survive, he thought, his hands covering his face in pure desperation, so worried and pissed to go there… he was off age, why couldn’t he do what he wanted?

That’s how his colleague and friend found him, leaned on his desk, at the edge of crying.

”Man, I'm just trying to help.” Jonathan shrugged, after he came quickly to the Gumshoe right after Y/n’s shift ended, passing by her at the door with a smile. Neil huffed with helplessness. He knew that his friends just wanted to help him with the issue, but nevertheless it was.. more than frustrating. Pacing back and forth he stroked the hair at the nape of his neck, thinking intensely. Looking… for a solution that wouldn't require making himself look like a fool in front of his best friend.

“And how the fuck am I supposed to ask her, huh? Not that I intend to.” Neil hissed, gesticulating in desperation “I can’t do that! Especially not to her, I have been stuck celebrating all those awful events, forced by my parents… She would come willingly. That would be—” Jonathan interrupted him quickly, shaking his head “Man, calm down! we don’t even know if she can, I’m just telling you that you should try. You always say that everything is way more fun when she’s around so why not try to fight this by using her..help, huh?” the man suggested, proud of himself as he waited for Neil’s reaction “she even likes to dress up and trust me, bet she would be way happier to come with you there than to participate at another of the events here in the show” he commented quietly.

”How can you know that?” Neil snapped, as he registered only the first part of the sentence, his mind jumping to the conclusion that Jonathan was spending a lot of time with her. Jealousy racing through his veins in a second. 

Seeing it, Jonathan rolled his eyes at the reaction. 

”Yeah, and maybe.. maybe you two could sort that weird… “friendship” out.” He suggested, gesturing in the air as he spoke. ”No need to get snappy, man. She seems to like only one geek, and you already took that spot.” He joked eventually, wanting to ease the atmosphere. It worked, as Neil smiled weakly. 

It was true, they were friends ever since Neil approached her in the third grade asking about the sandwich she had. For her the tuna sandwich was the grossest thing in the world, but little Neil had shiny eyes at the thought of it. She called him gross and he pushed her. That's how their friendship started, ironically. 

She sure was perfect and that way Neil wouldn’t have ruined their every-year plans.. Christmas Eve together and a quick meeting at Christmas, like always. They could spend even more time together if she agreed to go with him.

Huffing, he sat down in the armchair as he ran his hand through his dark hair. Was it really a good idea? he wondered silently, glancing a couple of times towards Jonathan, who was still standing there awkwardly. Even if she wasn’t in the store anymore, he should have called or gone to her apartment but… he couldn’t leave Gumshoe, right? 

He remained lost in his thoughts for a couple of minutes, coming back to reality hearing a soft knock on his office door. His baby blue eyes snapped up as he sat better on his chair, surprised to see Y/n back there, a smile on her face. “Sorry to interrupt the …meeting, I just left my scarf in your office Neil, so I came back to get it. It’s pretty cold outside, I was freezing…” she revealed continuing to ramble while walking to the small sofa in his office, grabbing her scarf before heading back to the door. Neil was forced now to ask her, it looked really like faith. 

“Weenie—” he spoke abruptly, making her stop mid step, and turn around to face him with a raised eyebrow, the nickname catching her attention immediately like every time, just like the way he said it. Instead of the casual, easygoing tone of his, he sounded.. nervous and awkward. The tone that Y/n knew too well, which piqued her interest just as much as the old nickname that they have been using for several years. “What, dink?” she asked with a soft smile on her face. Jonathan just staring at them with wide eyes and toothy grin, seeing how the stare they shared couldn’t be one of just friends.

Neil looked at his feet awkwardly, not knowing how to start. 

”Yeah, tell her, Dink.” Jonathan mocked playfully, earning a soft slap on the back of his head from Y/n, who scolded him and reminded him that she was the only one that could call Neil like that and he should have respect for his own boss. One stern glance from Neil was enough to make him lift his hands in surrender.

”Alright, alright. I got the message.” He said, slowly heading to the door. 

Just before the door closed shut, he shot Neil one last look that was basically saying “tell her, idiot!” 

A sigh pushed past the nervous man's lips as he was left alone with his best friend in the office. Neil had no energy and will to play around the topic, so he just took a deep breath approaching her closer. 

”Look… if I had any different choice, I wouldn't… I wouldn't try to pull you into it..” He started off, sitting on the desk in front of her, looking down at his hands, making her quite nervous. But without a second thought she lifted his chin with her hand, making him look in her eyes. 

”You can pull me into anything as long as you follow, you know that— Stop being so nervous, now, I’m starting to fear that it’s something big and concerning” She urged, feeling that something wasn't right… not with how he was trying to avoid eye contact with her. 

”Are you involved with the mafia, Dink?” She held back a giggle, using her best poor Italian accent to try to ease the tension and his mood, successfully as he giggled back. 

“Are you trying to perform as Robert De Niro, now?” he huffed amused “You are still doing it wrong” Neil added, commenting on her performance “Lies, you’re just jealous of my skills. Bet someone could actually mistake me for him, bit of makeup and I look just like him” she joked, her smiles switching slowly into a soft one when Neil spoke softly to deny it “You are beautiful… so shut up” he quickly added the last part to ease the awkward tension. She chuckled as well, sighing as she sat at the chair in front of the desk.

”So.. tell me. What do you need, Neil?” Y/n asked seriously this time, so he mirrored her body language. 

”Okay so… My mother said… well, more like forced me? Obligated me… to bring at the christmas dinner a girlfriend and… and she said that if I don't I.. I shouldn't even come.” He stuttered out nervously again, glancing at Y/n as she kept listening to him while nodding. She didn't say anything, as she knew that it wasn't the end of the story. Neil knew it too. 

”andithoughtthatyoucouldgowithme” he spat out really quickly, breathing deeply just at the end of the sentence, almost passing out. 

Y/n tried not to laugh at that, nodding as if she understood everything he said to her “Now.. I have known you for years, Dink. I know what you said but you know how much I like to see you in such a state, huh. Ask it better” she requested, humming while crossing her legs smugly, waiting for Neil’s next move.

He scoffed at that, of course she wanted that... and he was going to give it to her like every time “Fine! You dick.. Would you come with me… please” he asked, showing her his pleading eyes, earning a chuckle from her “First, I’m not a dick. Second… of course I will, you dork” she answered, leaving a couple of seconds of silence before giving him her final answer, creating suspense between them.

Neil was just nodding sadly, sighing softly as his hand rested on her small shoulder, patting it twice “I know that you would have….wait what—” he raised his voice quickly, his eyes snapping to hers as his mood changed completely “You’re not joking, right?” he asked to make sure he could celebrate his victory. Y/n just rolled her eyes before she got up, kissing his cheek exaggerating the noise. 

”I’m not, but now I need to run if I want to make it to the bus. See you later, send me the details.” She said quickly, running through the door with a smile. 

Neil sat there in silence for a moment before exhaling loudly. Then a slow smile appeared on his lips. 

. *time lapse* .

The snow kept falling down on them as they waited in front of the big mansion, looking at each other every now and then

”You can do it… we can do it. Together.’’ she reminded him as soon as she felt his nervousness, squeezing his hand in her own. 

Neil exhaled, straightening his back as he glanced at her. She nodded, and they went to the door, knocking before they'd change their mind. Here we go, no backing away now. Neil knocked, and they waited a couple seconds before steps approached the door, swinging them open and showing the silhouette of Neil's mother. 

”Oh, Neil… you're here.” She said with a fake smile plastered on her face. Then her gaze fell on Y/n and her eyes shone with respect. Y/n really was a pretty girl, nice features, styled hair and a very pleasant body, she was also all dolled up like Neil asked her, just for that dinner… ready to support her best friend as best she could. ”..and who's that?” the older woman asked, reaching out to Y/n, who shook her hand with a smile. 

”That’s Y/n. My.. girlfriend.” Neil informed his mother, stuttering for a second, glancing at Y/n when the word girlfriend left his mouth. 

His mother just nodded, lifting her chin up higher with a smaller smile.

”Come in.” She said, opening the door wider and closing them behind them.

It will be a long night, Y/n thought seeing the rudeness in his mother's eyes. 

. *couple hours later* .

Y/n clenched her jaw again that night, hearing the two-sided comments towards Neil. He was quiet most of the time.. before he wasn't, as his younger brother threw an insult towards Y/n this time. 

”Watch your fucking mouth.” He barked at him suddenly, surprising everyone by the table. His father's eyes widened, and a little smile appeared on his lips. George gasped in shock, as it never happened before that Neil would actually stand up for himself. He'd either ignore him or just stutter out some insult back. 

”Neil” His mother scolded another time throughout the dinner, and Y/n was fed up. She scooted back, and the chair squeaked, scratching the wooden floor from the sudden movement. 

”Are you serious? This little brat insults him all night and you won't say anything, but when Neil stands up for me, you dare to scold him?” Y/n spoke up in a harsh, stern tone. The icy gaze in her eyes was enough to make everyone go quiet. 

”I… I..” His mother stuttered out, still shocked. 

Neil got up suddenly, heading to the door as he needed some fresh air. That whole “Christmas” dinner was a nightmare. 

Y/n and Mrs. Lewis kept glaring at each other, and as the older woman opened her mouth to continue arguing, her husband's fist slammed at the table, startling her. 

”Enough! Are you happy with ruining our Christmas dinner?” His low voice boomed at her, as he had enough of her backhanded compliments and rude talk. Seeing the situation, Y/n decide to leave as well, grabbing one of the tuna sandwiches from the plate standing on the table, fully knowing that Neil didn't manage to eat anything. Just some baked potatoes but she stole most of them from him. Rushing through the corridor, Y/n noticed that his jacket was gone, so she didn't hesitate to get out of the house. 

Looking around, her heart pounded, not seeing him anywhere. Only as she looked at the other side of the road she noticed him, sitting on the bench despite the cold wind and falling snow. 

He was visibly upset, with red cheeks and nose, tucked into his big jacket to keep some warm, and snowflakes in his dark hair… he looked beautiful. Even more than usual, she thought. 

Even though she was heading to him, he didn't hear her steps or the crunching of snow under the sole of her boots. Only when she stood in front of him, Neil looked up at her face with teary eyes, making her expression soften. 

She didn’t say anything, just moved her arm to show him what she was hiding under her coat, a small smile on her face. Neil looked at her, glancing down at the thing she was offering to him, a smile breaking on his face as well.

“A gross tuna sandwich for the grosser boy I know” she sang, moving the food closer to Neil, her cold flushed cheeks making her look like a kid “Come on… take a bite or do you need me to feed you, huh?” She teased, handing him the sandwich after she moved it in tiny circles in front of his face, so that he could sniff its smell. 

Neil grabbed it, brushing his warm hands against her cold ones before sticking out his tongue like a kid, just like when he was younger.

Y/n watched him take it,  before she sat down on the cold bench next to him. She didn’t talk, just leaned her head on his shoulder, sneaking her hand in his pocket to hold his bigger one in hers.

They stayed like that for some minute, in silence and now in each other’s arms ‘’Don’t listen to them, Dink…’’ she whispered, watching his side profile as he ate his sandwich. Neil was clearly lost in his mind for a while as they just sat there, getting covered with snow. Several minutes passed before Y/n attempted to talk again. 

”I don't regret coming here with you.” She confessed, making him look at her, surprise written all over his face. 

”How come?” He asked, confused. Neil couldn't think of a single reason for why she would actually be happy about coming on the Christmas dinner to his family. It went.. horrible. 

Y/n shrugged, playing with his big long fingers. 

”I mean… I don't know.” She backed off a little, feeling a little ashamed of her confession. Neil could see that she wanted to say something else, but doubt crept up her mind. He grabbed her chin suddenly, surprising her and himself as well, making her look in his baby blue eyes that looked even more charming with the white snow in the background. 

”Tell me.” He asked more like commanded in a quiet voice. Suddenly the atmosphere between them got more.. intimate than fragile like before. His gaze didn't falter for a second, as he boldly starred in her eyes. 

Y/n felt like that moment would pass soon if she didn't take the change.

”I.. I liked.. playing your girlfriend.” She spoke up, matching the volume of his voice. Neil’s eyes shifted down, looking at all the features of her face separately, carefully and taking his time. The intention in his eyes was visible, and made Y/n’s breath deepen as her heart started pounding in her chest. 

”I like it too.” He whispered, subconsciously leaning in, reducing the distance between them with each second. 

Without a second of doubt, Y/n moved closer, tilting her head up so he could reach her lips more easily. 

Even though they both knew it was coming, the sensation that went through their bodies was.. shocking. Knowing each other for years, neither of them would expect to feel… such fireworks while kissing. 

Her soft lips moved against his slowly, sensually without any rush. Neil was completely frozen, not moving at all as he didn't want to ruin the moment. Y/n wasn't as shy, as her hand reached his cheek to keep him closer. In their minds the kiss lasted for hours, yet it was barely a minute before they ran out of oxygen. Parting in need of a breath, Neil leaned his forehead on hers, letting out a shaky breath. Silence between them lasted for a couple minutes.

”Neil…” She started out.

”I know.” He cut her off, earning a chuckle. 

”Neil…” She started again ”If you don't confess that you love me, right now… I'm afraid I'm going to throw up. I feel your tuna in my mouth.” She whispered, making him burst into laughter. 

Shaking his head he grabbed her face in his hands, his eyes shiny and hair a mess, hanging over his forehead. 

”I love you, Y/n.” He said, still smiling so widely, and she giggled out loudly. 

”I love you too, Dinky…. I'm freezing by the way, could we go back inside? Not in the dining room but maybe in your room. I was always curious to see your childhood bedroom” she revealed, a bit too eager to know more about Neil's past.

With that the young woman stood up, offering her now hopefully boyfriend her hand. It took Neil a couple of seconds to take her hand finally, since the priorities came first, aka his tuna sandwich, leading her himself back towards the house and upstairs to his bedroom. 

Nothing had changed much during the years, his little brother George received more useless stuff while her older sister Margaret wasn't living there anymore so her useless stuff was all in her own house.

As soon as they walked in the bedroom, Neil made sure to lock the door, past trauma of people walking in his room without asking just to annoy or piss him off came quickly back. Y/n didn't seem to mind though, her eyes kept wandering around as her hands worked on the buttons of her coat “I have a gift for you by the way” she informed Neil with a smile, her beautiful eyes now stopping back on him “but…I won't give it to you till you go wash your teeth. I don't want to risk getting another tuna kiss” she murmured, shivering at the idea, making Neil laugh and nod as he headed to his own small personal bathroom to do as she said.

Coming out again, his eyes locked with hers— she was now sitting on his bed, leg crossed with a small rectangular present next to her body. A small smile on her face. “Come on, open your gift, Dink” She encouraged him, watching how he walked closer with a childlikeness hidden in his eyes.

Neil carefully took the wrapped object, working on the paper to open it carefully, stealing glances at Y/n who was watching him with his same mood.

“You like it?” The young woman asked softly, studying her best friend's reaction “it's an old noir movie… I heard your discussion about it with Jonathan in the Gumshoe and I managed to find it.” She added anxiously, seeing no clear reaction from him. Her lips parted for the third time, ready to ask for clarification again but she didn't need to, since Neil's lips pressed against hers— his arms wrapping around her smaller frame as his big hand cupped the back of her head to keep her in place. It really looked like one of those kisses characters shared in old movies… so rich of passion and love.

The position was quite uncomfortable though, so they changed it after a couple of seconds, his arms now holding her hips firmly against his body and her arms hugging his neck to keep him closer to her. No tuna this time.

Taglist:

@gabile18 , @mrsfullbuster500 , @rex-ray , @elizamalfoyy, @eovjjj @wife-of-magic-monkeys , @jeremiah-va1eska , @gothamchic16, @rabbiteggz , @dieg0brandos-wife , @rottenecstasy , @lazyexcuse , @teh-vampire-bunny , @lobotomy-lover , @slasher-smasher , @sleepycreativewriter , @mrkdvidal1989

[scaly-freaks]

cherry wine stains 8.0

playing it a little differently and rewinding back to their school years but with an Aegon POV this time.

all previous parts in pinned.

"I like your knee-high socks."

"I like the chain you wear like a crucifix."

"Strange way to describe it."

"I don't know. It just - it hangs around your neck like the absence of something."

Her words dissolve like sugar into the cup of his mind.

Clever people don't realise the riptide of their soul is not being fed until they meet another clever person. Aegon's currents slow to a whispered crawl as his eyes trace Amara's profile, creating images in the tangle of her windswept curls.

She's left a lipstick print on his mother's favourite mug. When he sees it, his soul unhooks from where he keeps it folded away, right there at the base of his neck where the silver chain fastens.

Later, he'll kiss that print, see if the measure of his mouth is enough.

Helaena told him in private: You can't! You can't, you can't, you can't! You ruin everything!

The frantic protests of a younger sister who thinks - knows - that her older brother getting involved with one of her friends is going to end up in a loss for her. He's dated one of Helaena's friends before (it ended in the kind of operatic disaster you only ever see on Eastenders).

He does not want to date Amara as much as he wants to pry her open like a game of cat's cradle and weave apart the strings that keep her mobile. Half the time, Aegon suspects she isn't truly awake. Some part of her is drowning in slumber, deep as Briar Rose. He catches that moment sometimes, as she blinks at him with those sleepy eyes.

The texture of her thoughts - when she gives them up - slips like satin over his fingers.

"Do you want a smoke?" He flips the mint-green box in his palm and grins.

Her gaze is longing. "I told my mother I'd quit. Besides, aren't menthol cigarettes banned here?"

He shrugs, slipping one between his pinched lips to hold it steady. "Nothing's banned if you squint."

"Flawed logic," she laughs.

"She said to a drug dealer."

That makes her laugh harder. He likes making her laugh. Feels worthwhile somehow. Not much in his life feels that way these days.

The younger siblings are all growing up, leaving school, moving onto greener pastures, where the chaotic drudgery of the council estate turns into a crystalline vision in the rearview, something to put into personal statements and add what rich tossers would call flavour.

They don't need him like they used to. He and his mother have raised them to become self-sufficient and now Aegon has to figure out what he wants to do with himself because where the kids are going, they won't want to admit what their brother does - has done - for a living to ensure their survival. He predicts he'll be the family embarrassment every Christmas, the uncle that shows up drunk, with a sliver of something in his eyes that suggests he could have been something once.

He knows he won't end up that way. His need to be someone, get somewhere, is far too aggressive. But he does fear no longer being needed by the people who have relied on him so long he can no longer extricate himself from the identity of protector.

Maybe it's why he likes making Amara laugh.

She doesn't have siblings. Her eyes still dart around, nervous, as if aware her protection in this world is lacking compared to that of others. Her parents won't always be around. When they are gone, there won't be siblings to divide her grief up with. It'll just be her.

If his subconscious is turning her into his new surrogate sister, it doesn't reconcile well with the instinct that stirs when her skirt rides up an inch.

Alicent's stained glass lamp flickers, bulb on the brink of permanent death. Aegon reaches over to ensure it is screwed on properly and it affords them a last burst of weak light. Amara reaches out her hand under the dappled glow of its illumination, slipping her fingers under the violets, yellows and greens, as the crook of her elbow turns rose pink.

"I've always liked your mother's taste in furniture."

"Yeah? Take it. She wants to throw it out."

"No. If she's decided it's dead, it should go. I'll just be keeping the corpse if I took it."

Aegon's eyes wrinkle at the corners, smile disguised by the inhale of the cigarette. "It's not organic material. There's no corpse."

She glances at him, as if aware of his mockery despite the affection he delivers it with. "I think some inanimate objects come alive if they are loved enough. Alicent's had this lamp since I've known her. It's lived with her, and now it'll die. We shouldn't interrupt the process."

No wonder Helaena adores her.

They are both odd creatures, his little sister, and this intense, doll-eyed mirage that turned up at their doorstep one day, hungry for oven chips and love. She reached out her cold hands to Alicent, and found herself overwhelmed with the warmth and affection given in return.

He's known her so long, she should feel like a sibling.

What does it say about him if he can't stop wondering what it must feel like to graze his lips over her stomach and tongue that bellybutton ring she got in a short-lived fit of rebellion?

Aegon flicks aside the cigarette, mouth acidic with guilt.

He isn't the kind of person who wants. Other people want. Aegon goes out and gets. There isn't enough time to submerge in the feeling of want and understand the true depth of craving the human soul can achieve.

But he sees the whorl of soft hair at the nape of her neck and the feeling crawls up the rungs of his ribcage like a creature possessed. He pictures being small enough to curl up in the soft folds of her clothing, to soak in the scent of her until he passes out from exhaustion.

That feels like enough wanting for today.

"I'll see you downstairs, yeah?"

If she looks disappointed, it's just wishful thinking on his part. She knows he's not going anywhere. He'll be in the living room with the rest of the family who've put on Shrek and are split into two groups - the half that sings along, and the half that won't.

"I'll be down in a bit."

"Cool."

A sudden gust of wind lifts her hair, and the flimsy ribbon comes loose. He catches it before it finds freedom. She turns, expectant, waiting for the inevitable return of her almost-lost property. He pulls it between his fingers, wonders if it also carries life inside the woven thread, the way she claimed his mother's lamp does.

The weight of her hair rivals Isolde's.

Irish myths were a rooted part of his childhood, laced into Alicent's quiet voice every bed time. She swears the Hightowers are mostly, if not fully, Irish. But she could never be sure of how far back, or of the intricacies of any bloodlines. Rich people have the luxury of unfurling a family tree across the polished mahogany of their dining room table. They get to find their eyes, noses and mouths in the faces of people who lived too long ago to care what has become of their DNA.

Poor people make do with maybes and perhaps because most of the time, the lives of their ancestors are of no interest to anyone but themselves. Unless a mining forefather was crushed in a collapse and the resulting riots tore down a political establishment.

So, his mother pulled them back to times so ancient, the ancestors became common for all, their bloodlines too distant to maintain individuality.

If Tristan and Isolde are in Aegon's ancestry, that past life becomes tangible when he runs his fingers through Amara's hair and tames it into a braid he's practiced on Helaena a hundred times.

"There's something mythical about your hair," he says, and then cuts himself short because he deals drugs for a living, and whatever fancy thought this was about to be would make more sense from someone more booksmart.

She cranes her neck back and gives him the brightest upside-down smile. "That's the best compliment anyone's ever given me."

Aegon bites the inner corner of his lip and nudges her to look straight so he can keep braiding.

Once her eyes are off his face, it splits into a smile. Warmth drains down his spine like gold egg yolk poured from its shell. Once the braid is done, he rests his chin on the top of her head, and passes it off as brotherly with a goldfish-squeeze of her cheeks.

He lingers, inhales deep, smells her, turns her scent into binary code that he will decipher in isolation later.

"Don't be too long. You'll catch your death out here."

[lamentable-comedy]

The thing about Baz is that he's so good at not having the things he wants, but in a way that, like. Isn't repressing that he wants it in the first place. He acknowledges the desire, but denies any fulfillment of it and gets really, really good at doing that. His whole thing is carefully and deliberately maintaining a very rigid self control to compensate for how much of himself he feels like he is powerless over. You can't control the want, it's always gonna be there, but you can tell yourself it won't happen and refuse to consider indulging it.

He spends years knowing he's in love with Simon but wholeheartedly believing it's impossible that anything would happen between them AND, moreover, that it shouldn't. That second part is the important one, cause Baz isn't just against wanting things for its own sake, he's really hard on himself for wanting things that he thinks he shouldn't want or doesn't deserve. Like, "oh we can't have that, so it's Bad to want it". I think that's why there's less of the "I'm depraved, ask anyone" vibe to Baz's attraction to Simon in the second two books. I think he's still interested the same stuff with Simon, but because he now knows he can actually have a relationship with Simon, he's no longer moralizing wanting that, which I think leads to him being less likely to frame it as depravity in his own mind.

Also, if it wasn't obvious... this is a vampire thing. Like, Baz is like this because his daily existence is defined by craving something which would be morally wrong to take and which he therefore will never allow himself AND ALSO, Baz's vampirism is a really great metaphor for this part of his character. He forces himself to get by on more or less the bare minimum amount of blood. He doesn't drink humans. He can't control the desire for it, but it's an immoral desire and one he doesn't want, so he restricts himself as much as possible surrounding it. He never denies that the desire is there-- he can't-- but he DOES moralize wanting it; the fact that he wants to drink blood makes him an irredeemable monster who is unworthy of love and whom any Good Person would have killed. As a result, deny himself fulfillment becomes a way to punish himself (the Right Thing to do), for a desire he's disgusted by, and so he denies himself as much as possible, even beyond the extents of the desire itself.

Baz is ashamed of hunting and drinking animals, but he doesn't need to be. He's not doing anything worse than a human who hunts for food. But, because it betrays the deeper desire for human blood, it becomes shameful and something to deny himself when, really, it's neutral. Positive even, if you consider that it's a way of not, you know. Doing a murder. Compare Baz's perspective on it (not wanting Simon to see him drink rats, knowing what the bare minimum he needs to survive is in a way that clearly implies that he's tried only drinking that) to Simon's in "Snow for Christmas", where he expresses admiration and affection for how Baz looks feeding. Simon's perspective is devoid of Baz's moralizing self-loathing, and presents his behaviour without the baggage Baz has placed on it. Denying himself animal blood is not necessary and serves no purpose. Caring for himself by feeding is admirable.

I see Baz learning to control his fangs when he eats, on a metaphorical level, as a step in learning to manage the kind of big, desperate want that he moralizes and then denies himself, which itself lets him inch a little toward lessening the shame he feels. He moderates the desire (controls his fangs) rather than restricting his actions (not eating in front of people). This allows him decouple the desire (vamp hunger) from unrelated activities that he attaches to it (eating food), and actually let himself partake in something that previously felt wrong (eat food without revealing his fangs). His desire for blood is immoral, so he can't have that. All hunger is now associated with hunger for blood, so he can't eat around humans because he can't reveal that he wants something that he's Not Allowed to want.

I don't think the end point of his progress on this is indulging in the desires he feels ashamed of. Sometimes there are reasons not to do something you can't help wanting to do (there are some pretty good reasons not to go around drinking humans). I do think Baz needs to be gentler on himself for wanting things that for whatever reason-- shame, self-hatred, what have you-- he believes he shouldn't want. He only does this with his love for Simon because it's reciprocated, which doesn't actually solve the problem, it just recategorizes Simon/their relationship as something okay to want. He needs to learn to stop punishing himself for wanting things even if they're desires he can't or shouldn't act on. I think by AWTWB he has made progress. He's getting there. But MAN do I have a lot of feelings about the fact that he's like this at all.

[4sh--tr4y]

Random ass headcanons for the Outsiders

(Angst Warning lmao)

Ponyboy Curtis

-Eventually had to quit smoking because he got bronchitis from it, that lead to him having to quit track n' feild

-He kept that note from Johnny for the rest of his life, at one point he cut out Johnny's signature and put the paper in a locket necklace

-For a long time Dallas' last word being "Pony" made him cry whenever he remembered it (Ik this is only movie canon but I just love it"

-He hung out at the empty lot a ton more after everything because it somehow made him feel closer to Johnny and Dally

-Has accidentally called Darry "Dad" more

-He can speak french almost fluently

Johnny Cade

-He hated when people compared him to a puppy because he was a cat person and dogs legit scared him

-He actually really wanted to tell Ponyboy that he loved him in his last words (That doesn't have to be romantically, I think it's more platonic but at the same time to each their own)

-The note Johnny had written to Ponyboy and left in the book was written in purple crayon, he wanted it to be red since that's Ponyboy's favourite colour but the nurse didn't have any red crayons

-The doctor who was keeping Mrs. Cade back and the nurse who told Johnny his mom was there were both "Considering calling CPS on that crazy lady if that kid survives,"

Dallas Winston

-When Dallas said "Pony..." right before he died, he was trying to tell him to stay alive. In a "Dont be like me" sense

-He was actually a really good boyfriend to Sylvia, almost to simping degrees, he doesn't get a lot of affection so he was starved for whatever Sylvia was giving him. It was totally toxic for him, and Johnny was always worried about it

-His skull ring was stolen from a thrift store, he stole it when he was 12

-Drunk cryer

Two-Bit Matthews

-If you asked him who his best friend in the gang was, he'd probably say Darry.

-If you asked who's the most fun to fuck around with though, he'd say Dallas

-Him and Dallas slash car tires together

-He basically has to raise his younger sister because their mother is a dysfunctional hoarder (I saw the hoarder hc somewhere else but I don't remember who)

-His younger sister's name is Katie, and he calls her Katie-cat like Teddy from The Christmas Chronicles

-He likes to fuck with Socs, but he also mildly fucks with other greaser gangs

-#1 brother, buys Katie dolls and helps her out on her period (he paid extra attention to the period segment of Health class because he knew he'd have to be the one to take care of that)

Sodapop Curtis

-Definitely had Steve help him write the note to Ponyboy because his handwriting is barely legible.

-He's dyslexic.

-When Ponyboy had run off with Johnny he actually tried to confide in Sandy, but she couldn't stand to talk to him except over the phone so the only person Soda trusted to talk to was Steve

-Soda is a terrible cook

-When Soda is sitting down with Darry and Ponyboy before he ran out he was trying to discreetly cover his ears, and if Pony and Darry were paying attention to anything other than their own fighting they'd see Soda's about-to-cry eyes

-Can't fix a car to save his life, at least not like Steve can. He can door minor stuff but that's it.

-His first kiss was Steve by complete accident, the two were quite literally butting heads in the 6th grade. Nobody knows except them and they had this whole oath to never tell anybody

Steve Randle

-His parents split up, he has a step-dad and a step-mom and his bio parents are still on good terms. They aren't even legally divorced because neither of them could afford it

-He's actually pretty good friends with Buck like Dallas is because Buck brings his T-Bird to the DX whenever he needs something done with it, Buck is Steve's best-paying customer

-Steve's favourite pass-time is throwing glass bottles at Soc cars and ditching

-Steve favours his step-dad to his step-mom because he thinks his step-mom is taking advantage of his dad

-He actually has a step-sister but she's like 22 and in college

Darry Curtis

-Darry does indeed cry when Ponyboy calls him dad

-He genuinely had panic attacks before going to bed the whole week Ponyboy was gone

-Man has anxiety problems but wasn't actually diagnosed until the late 80's when he finally stopped being an "I don't need any help" man and decided to go to therapy... in his forties.

-Darry fucking loves dogs

-He would carry Johnny around like a doll if he needed to (if Johnny was in his way or needed to be pulled away from something)

[davosmymaster]

Home

TAGS AND WARNINGS - Hurt/comfort, panic attack, family issues, abusive family, racism (against Joel and Sarah), mentions of stalking (if you squint), Joel is definitely Latino, potentially triggering if you have suffered from an abusive household, self-degradation, “Mexican” as a slur, Christmas celebration and religion. Reader is 28. Because of the plot both reader and family are implied to be white/not black or latino.

PAIRINGS - Joel Miller x fem!reader (Pre-outbreak! Joel)

WORD COUNT - 3.2k

SUMMARY - Coming back “home” to your family for Christmas is always a dangerous move. The goal was simple: survive through the night. Joel comes to the rescue when the mission becomes unbearable.

Home

There is a warmth in your chest as you close the door to your childhood room. Out of the bubble you have now created for yourself beyond those four walls, there's a dad sitting in front of the tv and a mom putting the finishing touches to Christmas dinner. Your brother is somewhere out there, too. And all you can think of is how the warmth in your chest becomes white lightning, a fire going up and down through your sternum; and your closed-up throat unwilling to welcome any more air into your lungs.

'What's wrong?' you ask yourself in your mind; as if you didn't already have the answer for that. All is fine, all is well. And yet the fire doesn't stop despite the lack of oxygen in your lungs, and the trembling in your hands becomes somehow more erratic.

'What's wrong?' The voice in your head is unforgiving. Sarcastic. Insulting, even. 'Nothing's wrong. You know damn well that's the problem.'

Your breathing comes out laboured. Somehow the autopilot has failed, and you have to remind yourself to keep breathing; it seems that your body is no longer interested in keeping you alive. Let alone sane.

As if sent by God themselves, the flip phone in your handbag rings. The melody fills the room from where you left your things an hour ago and your knees crawl there, unable to hold your own weight. Back hits the mattress, and your form becomes a boneless bundle of anxiety against it, on the floor. Your shaky hands look for the phone inside your bag; and you pick it up on its last ring.

You hear a relieved breath on the other side, and yours immediately follows. His voice comes out low, a drop of worry staining it inevitably like blood on a white shirt.

"It's me," he says. And you want to respond 'Of course it's you, who else would call me at this hour on Christmas eve?' "Just wanted to check how everything is going."

Words don't come out of your mouth. You just bend into yourself a little more, feeling extremely cold all of a sudden. The trembling is gone. Although it has left remnants behind, a trail of weakness in your very soul, your breathing still in manual mode. Slow. Lungs aching.

"Darlin'..." Joel whispers.

You can almost picture him bent over his yellow kitchen counter. One hand is pressing the phone against his ear, his elbow supporting his weight. The other is against his chest as if trying to comfort himself with half a hug. The crease between his dropped eyebrows is deep. Concern flows from his voice like a river after it's rained. You want to massage the fine lines on his forehead, press your own hand against his patchy beard; and kiss the worry away.

The words you prepare yourself to say are comforting, dismissive of your current situation; but they never leave your lips.

"I shouldn't be here," it's what flows from your mouth instead.

He takes a deep breath followed by a sigh, and you can perfectly picture him shutting his eyes tightly.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

He insists, but you don't have a different answer to offer. Truth is, nothing has happened; and that is something Joel Miller, your boyfriend, whose parents were always there for him both physically and emotionally when he and Tommy were growing up, will never understand.

He will never understand the silence in the room below, and how unsettling it is to patiently wait for the inevitable fight. He will never understand that the smell and sight of the house you grew up in bring memories deeply buried but burnt into your brain. He will never understand the unnerving rage that floods your nervous system whenever your family behaves like family; when they treat you nicely and kindly and it feels like they are mocking you somehow. Because you know how they are, and you know they are seconds away from dropping the masks and beginning the third world war as soon as you bring up the wrong topic; which seems to be any topic these days. But especially the fact that you're dating a divorced dad. And as if that wasn't enough, it bothers them, even more, knowing that said dad is of Latin descent, and his child, a black girl.

You don't understand why you're even there. Well, you know why you're there; because they drove three hours to pick you up even though you repeatedly told them that you could drive back home for Christmas. Because you had felt guilty —and sick— at the thought of one: saying no after that; and two: the anxiety a fight in front of Sarah's teacher would cause you.

How had they found out you were taking Sarah to school, or what school she attended? You had no idea.

"I'm sorry..." you whisper, suddenly guilty for being there; even though you know it's not your fault that they are manipulative and abusive and a complete fucking nightmare. It feels like you need to apologize to both of them, for still wanting and expecting your parents to change despite the awful things they think of Joel and Sarah.

"Hey... hey..." Joel speaks in a whisper, his heart pounding so hard it hurts. And you hear him walking somewhere; probably outside. He doesn't like Sarah listening to things she's not supposed to know about. "We both know it's not your fault they have their head so far up their asses."

There's no reason for you to break the way you do, but that doesn't stop your tears or your own shallow breath from making it to the other side of the line. A low grunt escapes your lips. The pain is raw, and feels new rather than just an uncomfortable scar. Your eyes scan the room and they find your purple walls, old notebooks, clothes in the open wardrobe and, suddenly, it feels like you're fifteen and so fucking helpless and exhausted and done.

"Darlin', come on..." he's begging. "Take deep breaths with me. C'mon..."

You close your eyes, so tightly that your very brain hurts, so tightly that you see bursts of fireworks behind your eyelids. That doesn't stop the tears from coming, but at least now there is a dark invisible barrier between you and that house that should be your home but isn't. And you take a deep breath with him, and let it out.

"Good. You're doing so good," he says, and it fills you with guilt that his voice sounds so scared. "One more... Yeah, there you go. One more baby girl... That's it," he keeps you from falling into the abyss of your mind, and you don't think you could ever repay the debt.

A comfortable silence settles between the both of you before he asks.

"Want me to go and pick you up?" he asks, with such a gentle voice you couldn't help but picture him as he talked to baby Sarah. He doesn't want to scare you or upset you in any way.

But you shake your head quickly and wipe your tears with the back of your hand.

"No," you respond. "It's so far away, and Christmas... and Sarah needs you."

"Sarah is perfectly fine here, and Christmas will last 'til morning. It's not even that late," he says. "...and you need me too," he insists. "It's not that far, anyway."

"It's a three-hour-long drive."

"For those old motherfuckers maybe. I can go back and forth in that same amount of time."

You sigh, loudly. The strength is leaving your body with any passing second, and you fear you will pass out on him while still on the call.

Almost as a threat, you hear your mother speaking in the living room.

"She's in her room?" she asks, and your heartbeat increases. It pounds heavily against your ribcage. The voice is muffled by the walls and stairs, but loud and clear as if she wanted you to hear. "Some things never change, do they? What a shame. A twenty-eight-year-old woman, hiding in her room from the parents that raised her... and put a roof over her head..."

Then, your brother laughs.

"Joel..." you say. With the tone that comes out of your shutting throat and your knees on the floor, his name in your mouth feels like a prayer. He winces on the other side of the line as if he could feel the stabbing pain in your heart. But that, you don't know. "Please hurry..."

"I will, baby," he says.

As soon as your words leave your mouth, you regret them. Almost screaming his name, he gets startled; asks what's wrong as if he feared the ceiling of your childhood bedroom collapsing on top of you. It certainly feels like it.

"Don't be so quick, though," you whisper, and immediately cringe at your own words. "I mean... Don't get yourself killed on the road. Please."

He blows a long sigh, directly into his phone.

"Je-sus... Christ," he could almost laugh at the relief. "I won't. Keep your phone at hand."

"Thank you, baby."

Before either of you has even hung up the phone, the door to your room bursts open. Your brother is standing there, with that sly grin that you wish you could beat out of him without him killing you first; but which, at the same time, terrifies you to the point of absurdity.

He leans his head, covered by a baseball cap, towards the hallway.

"She's talking to the Mexican!"

A different kind of rage fills your veins, but even before you have the chance to say or do anything; you're defeated by your own dread. You wait for him to say something else, to reveal your new plan for Christmas; but he just stands there squinting in your direction. He seems confused by your puffy red eyes and your sitting position on the floor; rather than concerned for your teary face as an actual brother should be.

Your mother speaks, then. A loud cry comes from the first floor. Exaggerated. Malicious.

"Oh dear lord," she sobs. "What did we do to deserve this? And on Christmas Eve. Can we not have one peaceful Christmas?"

"Dinner's ready," your brother says. And slams the door.

[***]

For almost two hours you eat up your father's complaints about hypothetical broken hinges and your mother's cries about being the worst possible mother ever. Your brother seems the only person eating dinner in peace, and you're almost jealous of how unbothered he appears to be.

At some point the conversation redirects towards Joel, you don't know exactly when or why, but your father says his name as if Joel had anything to do with whatever he was talking about. You try to defend him, but end up with both of them somehow offended because you called them racists and they-are-not-racist and Mexicans-take-our-jobs and no matter how many times you tell them he's not Mexican, they don't seem to care.

How you manage not to have another panic attack, that you don't know.

The doorbell rings throughout the house, as if announcing the apocalypse. Your brother stands with his fork halfway out of his mouth, and your heart races as you look toward both of your parents. You see their mind going a mile a second, wondering if their complaints have been loud enough for the neighbors to call the police. Until shaking like a leaf, you get up from the table without having eaten a single bite, get your handbag and head to the front door.

Everything else is a blur, even if nothing special happened, even if they just let you go without a single word. Somehow, silence is even worse than what you were expecting. Next thing you know, you're in Joel's truck heading back to Austin and he's holding your hand.

Just the sight of him calms your nerves enough to wake up from the trance. He's rubbing small circles on the back of your limp hand. He manages to drive with one single hand on the steering wheel, but he clenches his fist so much around it that you can see his knuckles turning white.

He turns for a split second to look at you, and his gaze softens. His fingers intertwined with yours, and he squeezes gently.

"There you are, gorgeous," he says, his voice being the only thing you can hear. He takes a deep breath, and you know he's trying very hard not to pull over and squeeze you against his chest until your atoms and his merge together. "We're going home now, baby. It's okay."

The sentence feels like a kick in the gut, but he's right; you're going home now. The force of the blow is so hard that you physically flinch, and fat round tears come back to your cheeks.

You wished it was different. You wished they were different. You wished you could call their house your home and those people your family, but they hardly have earned the title of acquaintances. It doesn't matter that you're their flesh and blood; they haven't treated you as such. Through the four of you flows the same blood, but what does that matter when they seem to break your own heart with every word they pronounce?

You don't even realize how or when, but the truck is standing on the side of the road. Joel gets out and walks to where you are, and your arms fling themselves over his broad shoulders as soon as he swings the door open. He buries his nose in your hair, breathing in your own presence and squeezing his fingers on your waist as if he could get your body any closer to his. When your touch falters, he takes his chance to grab your cheeks and kiss you.

The kiss tastes like salt from your own tears, but that doesn't stop him in the slightest. He wants to kiss you harder than his own body is capable of. He daydreams of becoming the prince in those Disney movies Sarah loved as a child. All so he can erase all your pain with a single kiss, wake you up from the terrible nightmare with just his presence, his love and care. He knows that's not possible, but that doesn't stop him from trying.

His tongue gently licks yours. He revels in the kiss, his knees almost buckling up as if he was a teenager all over again. Before he lets go, he nibbles at your lower lip. And it's not until then, when his hips accidentally brush your inner thigh, that he notices how hard he actually is.

You gasp, and your lips form a perfect 'oh" against his mouth. Your eyes are closed, and he holds his breath at how drugged up he feels. He breathes your exhale and now it is pooling at the bottom of his lungs, making a home there. Unmoving. Strange to his system but somehow still welcomed. He presses his lips against the pulse point on your neck, feels the swollen vein there and flattens his tongue against the warm skin. Just the soft moan coming from your lips makes his boring existence worth it.

And then he bites. Softly. So soft that he barely feels his own teeth against your flesh. It still makes you jump.

"Joel!" you whisper, and the following second he's smiling as he draws a path of kisses back to your cheek. "Ugh... stop"

The air he's been holding finally comes out of his system with a long sigh. Both his hands are hugging your cheeks as his lips approach your forehead and gift you a kiss there.

"I won't let anyone mistreat you this way again," he says. He's all eyes closed and heart on his sleeve. Even if he was usually affectionate, he had never once before been so open before. The ghost of his ex-wife still haunts his nightmares and threatens him to end the same way with you if he let himself go. "I wish I met you before... maybe I could've been there and..."

"Joel," you stop his ramblings. Those words he's saying are not even directed at you anymore. He's lost in his own thoughts, in his own pain. "Joel you couldn't have done anything. This had to happen sooner or later."

Finally, he lets go, but still keeps you close enough to bury your head in his chest if you need it.

"Look at you..." he says. "Comforting me when it is you who needs comfort now. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like to be there all those years. I would've lost my fucking mind."

With teary eyes, you look into those gentle brown eyes he carries. They look at you with so much pain already, such a heavy backpack full of sorrow for you on his back, that you feel bad to answer.

"I did. I did lose my fucking mind. Not having a home does that to a person."

Maybe it is because he doesn't want to cry in front of you, not now that you're so tender around the edges, at least; but he brings you back into his arms and a few tears well his eyes.

"Let me be your home," he finally whispers against your hair. "I will always be your home, somewhere you can always go to and depend on. Sarah and I will be your home. You don't have to keep looking anywhere else..."

The wound in your chest cannot be mended, that you already know. Yet Joel's words feel like a balm on the open wound. The promise sounds heaven-sent, too good to be true. It also feels threatening somehow. The breaking of that promise, if you agreed to it, would mean completely losing any hope remaining in your body, any strength to keep fighting. Trusting is so difficult and love so complicated when fate seems so random. Yet this is what living is like, isn't it? What is life if not a continuous gamble we play in the hope of achieving a little happiness?

His eyes are fixed on yours, trying to read the thoughts coming non-stop to your mind. But in the end, there's nothing left to consider. Before you could even make the conscious decision, your mind, even if broken and dazed, had already performed the biggest proof of care you were capable of. You had stood against your parents for Joel and Sarah, something you had never been able to do before. Not in all seriousness, at least; not as far as showing them that you were capable of walking out of their house without their permission.

You loved them, and they loved you the way a true family should love. Joel loved you in a way you had never thought possible, and Sarah considered you, in all aspects, her true mother. Their home was always open for you. Always welcome. The only scream anyone would hear could only come from the tv or the radio. The arms were always open, the coffee always boiling hot, and the favors didn't need to be asked for. Love wasn't traded, but simply given.

"You two have always been my true home," you finally conceded, right into his incredulous and love-struck eyes. "Will you forgive me for forgetting?"

"Oh, babygirl..." he whispers, a smile dancing on his lips as he presses his forehead against yours, and his hands slowly warm your cheeks. His nose gently brushes yours. "There's no need to apologize. I will never get tired of reminding you."

[tedwardremus]

Works in Progress

Snuffles & Son - Sirius raises Harry and opens a shop that specializes in repairing cursed artifacts and places protection wards on family heirlooms. One day, an Unspeakable from the Department of Mysteries walks in with a cursed artifact from his cousin's confiscated Gringotts vault, requesting Sirius's assistance.

Rage Against The Dying Of The Light - In a universe where James and Lily Potter survive Voldemort's attack on Halloween night. Most of wizarding society is enjoying newfound peace after a decade of war, except the young heroes who fought the war learn you can never really go back to the way things were before

Be Not Afraid Of Greatness - A collection of Frank Longbottom stories

Without A Trace - Babies don't just disappear without a trace

HP Instagram AU - Instagram feeds from various Harry Potter characters. Feel free to request a character or couple.

completed fics and one-shots under the cut

Marauder's Era/Jily

It's here. Now’s the time. I tell myself I’ll be fine -

It was a normal feeling to be nervous, a rite of passage for any mother or father. After all, eleven years old wasn’t that mature—children at that age were still so small, so dependent on their parents for guidance, comfort, and care.

Hope Lupin hugs her son goodbye before he boards the Hogwarts Express.

Unresolved Questions Of Wizard Cosmology - Ten-year-old Sirius and his father take a trip to the British Magical Observatory.

Interesting House Guests - (Or The time Sirius invited the lads to spend the week at Grimmauld Place)

Those Whom The Gods Love Die Young - Once upon a time, four boys entered an ancient magical forest in Scotland. They loved life, the forest, and each other very much. Together, they become beasts of the woods and grow to understand the forest more than anyone else who had entered the magical realm before them.

Tree Cutting - Every Gryffindor in the tower heard Walburga's howler calling Sirius a filthy traitor. Lily knows what it feels like when someone you love calls you nasty names.

Tipping The Scales - James helps Lily get back something that is hers from the Slytherin dorms.

Career Advice with James F. Potter - Lily Evans is stressed about her career advice meeting but luckily James Potter is willing to share his expert advice on the matter.

A Decent Bloke - In the Hogwarts library, James Potter eats an apple while Lily Evans works on a History of Magic essay.

Perspective - Lily asks James about the Sacred Twenty-Eight. Lily also learns how soft James Potter's hands are.

Light Is The Most Glorious - James takes Lily on a journey around Hogwarts the night before the Christmas holidays.

Does Permanent Mean Forever? - It is James Potter's seventeenth birthday, and to commemorate the occasion, he proposes to the gang that they go out and get tattooed.

Your Friend, James - It is the summer before their 7th year, and Lily and James spend the entire holiday writing letters to each other as their relationship slowly changes from friends to something more.

Rumor Has It  - Severus doesn't believe the rumors that Lily finally agreed to go out with James Potter.

A Happy Thought - The 7th-year Defense Against the Dark Arts Class learns the Patronus Charm. James is shocked to learn what Lily's Patronus is.

Awful Euphemisms - Lily and James exchange laughs while discovering a new level of intimacy.

A Promise - James sees no problem that they are only seventeen and have yet to meet each other's parents.

Hold On To The Memories, They Will Hold On To You - Lily Evans is ready to spend New Year's Eve alone in her bedroom until James Potter flies in and offers her a midnight ride.

A Miraculous Christmas Moment - A married Lily and James Potter wander around a London Christmas Market. James misses celebrating Christmas in Godric's Hollow.

Comfort and Joy - Baby Harry helps James decorate the Christmas Tree.

Querencia - The time Lily, James, and Harry spent as a family in their little house in the West Country was far too brief, but it was overfilled with love, laughter, and, above all, life.

Jily Challenge Fics

Three Lemons and a Dragon - Once upon a time there lived a Prince named James who had to save his father's Kingdom by getting married. One day an older woman gifts him three lemons that will lead him to his true love.

Erasmus Lovegoods’s Guide to Brewing Love Potions -At the start of every school year, the Ministry of Magic distributed leaflets to all students taking potions classes regarding the regulations and legality of highly controlled potions.

I'll Meet You After Dark - An Alternate Universe where the Statute of Secrecy hasn't been enacted yet. Tensions between the magical and non-magical communities are high.

My dog said I can't go out with you - Lily had been waiting patiently for James to ask her out for the first Hogsmeade weekend of the term. Sirius insists she turn James down so Sirius can hang out with her instead. (it's all part of Sirius' greater matchmaking plan)

Tranquil Solitude (Until You Came Along) - All Lily wanted to do was take a nice, quiet swim on a hot day. And then James Potter showed up. And Lily had already removed her clothes for the private swim.

Midnight Train To London - An escaped yeti causes a magical snow storm that leaves the Hogwarts Express stranded without any power. Head students Lily and James take charge and bring a little holiday cheer to the students trapped on the train.

Summer Fling Don't Mean A Thing - Lily and James meet at a potions camp over the summer and have a fling. James promises to write to her when the summer is over, but he never does. Then Hogwarts hosts an academic competition inviting all the top students from around the country to attend, including students from Cockersand Coven Academy, the school that Lily happens to attend.

This Town Is Fake But You're The Real Thing - Teen radio star Lily Evans works for a show on the wizarding wireless network called, The Marauders. The teen soap drama stars James Potter as an arrogant school jock and centers on the secret adventures of his friends in the forbidden forest as illegal animagus and a werewolf. The show's antagonist, played by Severus Snape, left after a scandal, and now Lily has a romantic storyline with James in the final season of the show. Basically, her life is a disaster.

Field Study - Lily and James get left behind on a deserted island after A Care of Magical Creatures field trip.

Other Jily/Maruader Era Fics

Katabasis - Snape gets hurt when he goes into the Shrieking Shack on the full moon. It is time for Remus to face the consequences.

Citius, Altius, Fortius – Communiter - Sirius is an Olympic athlete competing in the wizard pentathlon, James is a quidditch player, and Lily is a sports reporter. The three of them meet at the Olympic Village. And well, you know what happens at the Olympic Village...

Finding Your Magical Roots  - The Black Family welcomes the reality show Finding Your Magical Roots into their home to film a special episode.

101 Padfoots - An accident in potions class results in 101 Padfoots running around Hogwarts while Lily and James work together to round them all up

Lighting Era

Goodbyes and Surprise Greetings - Ginny's brothers have abandoned her at the Burrow while they go to school or leave the country. But then she gets a surprise visitor.

The Past is a Bucket of Ash - Over burnt photographs, Harry had a late-night chat with Sirius about his family history.

The Parting Glass - The last full moon, Moony and Padfoot spend together.

Retrouvaille (or the happiness of meeting someone you love after a long time) - The times Sirius and Harry reunited and the times they were forced to say goodbye.

When Death Would Not Come - Moody and the others will be here soon. Just endure for one more minute. Thirty more seconds. Five more seconds. As long as Neville was okay, she could endure anything.

Attinge - Harry shaves his head after the battle. Only Ginny understands why.

Secret Garden - Neville plants Hannah a secret garden on the roof of the Leaky Cauldron. She wants to show him how grateful she is for the gift.

Lightening Era - AU

1994 Quidditch World Cup  - Harry wants only one thing for his fourteenth birthday: tickets to see the final match of the Quidditch World Cup. Well, two things if you count his sudden desire to kiss Ginny Weasley.

Padfoot in Privet Drive - Sirius Black follows Harry to Privet Drive after the Triwizard Tournament.

Next Gen

Feels Like Home To Me - Snippets inside the Potter family home

We're Going On A Hippogriff Hunt -Two young boys go on a hippogriff hunt in the woods behind their house. Teddy hopes James doesn't figure out he knows nothing about hippogriffs.

Werewolf Registration Act of 1947 - A history of magic essay helps Teddy understand his deceased father a littler bit better.

Tethered - Teddy and Vic discover the isolated and deserted Hogwarts boathouse to be the perfect place to be alone together.

Am I To Suffer This Constant Stream of Interruption? - Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley go on their first official date. James Sirius Potter is now a third-year at Hogwarts and is able to visit the village.

A Wonderful Idea - Vic planned a very grown-up date for her and Teddy. Too bad Teddy can't ice skate.

It's All About The Timing - James Sirius Potter has wanted to ask Ellie Longbottom out since he was twelve years old. Unfortunately, he can never get the timing right.

Know Your Roots - Albus Potter is unsure if helping Uncle Neville repot moonwort plants is part of detention or a lame attempt at godfather and godson bonding. It might be both.

Acting Professional - Teddy wants to see Victoire's new office while at a work event.

[enchantedlandcoffee]

Hey guys! Happy 28th! As I couldn't do a december fic rec list, I thought I'd merge them into one so this will be a big one :)

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Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

"Are there any gays in here?" by @red-pandaaa | red_panda28

Explicit | 7.9k | Strangers to Lovers Or, Louis is fed up with meaningless hook-ups, Harry happened to visit Starbucks on a Wednesday, and Clifford is the best

You smile all the time ('cause how can you not show it)? by @thebreadvansstuff | thebreadvan

Explicit | 9.5k | Dentist Louis Or, Harry never liked dentists, until now.

Blue Moon by @aquietlarrie

Explicit | 152.9k | Alternate Universe - 1950s it’s the late 50’s. times are ‘simple’. rock n roll is in full swing. vinyl, music and dancing are the primary ways of entertaining yourself, and in a time where loving someone of the same sex is illegal, two strangers catch each other’s eyes across a dancefloor and do just that. over the span of a year and in between two cities, harry and louis happen to find each other at just the right time. through a hot and heavy summer and a bitter winter, their journey is one of self; self discovery, self-acceptance and self love. this is a story of navigating sexuality in a time where man and woman are the only accepted forms of love by law, where learning to hide your love for someone becomes a matter of survival and safety. a story where above everything, they stick together and weather the storm. its hard, incredibly hard, but no matter the road, it's one worth taking

Tangled in your love and light by @likelarryfics | likelarry

Explicit | 95k | Kid Fic, Alpha Louis Tomlinson, Omega Harry Styles Harry doesn't have time for romance or finding an Alpha between balancing work, studying and looking after his daughter, Bella. Enter Louis Tomlinson who's a romantic sweet Alpha, determined to win the omegas heart and turns Harry's whole world upside down, making him question everything he's ever wanted and known.

Lost Cat, Found Love by @wemadethishome

General Audiences | 4.5k | Established Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Mild Hurt/Comfort Louis hates cats. But when his neighbor's cat goes missing, he finds himself much more dedicated to finding the thing than he ever wanted to be.

The Wind It Held Us Up by @itsnotreal | hazzahtomlinson

Explicit | 14k | Alien Harry Styles, Scientist Louis Tomlinson Or Louis had a feeling there was life on other planets, he just hadn't expected to meet someone from one.

now i know what a fool i've been by @28goldens | 28goldensfics

Teen and Up Audiences | 16.8k | Enemies to Lovers, Christmas Fluff harry and louis had one really bad date last year. now they're snowed in at zayn's family's cabin alone the days leading up to christmas and louis' birthday. can they make up or will this be their last christmas together?

come as you are by @stylinsoncity

Mature | Alternate Universe - Academia, Professor Louis, Student Harry louis is a professor of literature at oxford and harry is his newest and most eager protege. both are caught in a story about forbidden love, loss and second chances, in which one is on the brink of heartbreak and the other comes along when he's needed most.

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by @kingsofeverything

Explicit | 109k | Cheating, Older Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Alternate Universe - Beach, Meet-Cute Louis' life is steady and calm, moored by his marriage, and tied to his hometown, but after a chance encounter with another man, it'll never be the same.

Have Love, Will Travel by @kingsofeverything

Explicit | 97k | Camping, Friends to Lovers, Video Cameras Rather than spend the summer working at their desks, Louis and Harry are given the opportunity to crisscross the country together in a tiny camper, filming their adventures for a YouTube series. It soon becomes obvious to their viewers that there's something more than friendship between them. Eventually, they figure it out.

Probably still adore you (with your hands around my neck) by @lunarheslwt

Explicit | 13k | Persephone x Hades AU, Louis Tomlinson as Hades, Harry Styles as Persephone Or, after six cruel months of being separated, Persephone!Harry returns to his husband, Hades!Louis.

The Money Mark by @brightgolden

Explicit | 52k | Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Sugar Baby Harry Styles Or, where Louis is Harry's first sugar daddy who dumped him over text and their paths cross, seven years later.

Just You and I (a starry sky) by @justanothershadeofblue

Explicit | 7k | Christmas Fluff, Mpreg, Friends to Lovers "getting accidentally pregnant by his childhood best friend-with-benefits" was definitely not on Harry Styles' holiday to-do list - but apparently it's what has happened, so now he has to figure out how to tell Louis without ruining Louis' birthday, their family holiday, oh, and literally everything else about their lives. Oops?

kay's 25 days of smutmas series by shiptattou | @wecantalktomorrow

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Niall Horan/Zayn Malik

If You Leave Me by @hellolovers13

Explicit | 5k | Alternate Universe - Vampire Niall spends too much time in his own head, almost breaking his (and Zayn's) heart in the process.

[satureja13]

Vlad's Therapy Game - Part 2

Vlad is back in the insanely beautiful (and green) world of the Therapy Game. Still in his insanely stupid clothes... And he still feels so, so hungry. So they can escape their ingame feelings by logging out, but they'll be back as soon as they log in again. And time did not pass. He and Diablo still stood where they logged out. Not the best news for poor Jack who logged out of that cell he'd been locked in...

This village is so pretty. Vlad's experience is so much better than Jack's. At the moment, he is the only one of them stable enough to test the Therapy Game. So it depends on him if Ji Ho, Siawa and Jack will get a successful therapy to help them to deal with their hardships... And so he entered the village. Diablo: 'I have a bad feeling about this...'

But Vlad didn't listen. And he has no choice anyway. The mayor approaches the new arrival. Vendor to the mayor: "I have a bad feeling about him. I bet he ran away. Just look at his clothes..."

But the Mayor didn't listen... Mayor: "Good Day! What brings you here?"

The Mayor does not have a questionmark above his head but this is a game so Vlad tried the obvious: "I have no money and I'm hungry, do you maybe have a quest for me?" It's so embarrasing. But everything for Ji Ho. And it's not real anyway. Just a playtest for a game. Nonetheless it's hard for Vlad to forget his foolish pride, step out of his comfort zone and ask for help (he really, really hates this!) and keep his temper at bay. Plus he is an introvert and feels uncomfortable around people he doesn't know.

Mayor: "How is it possible a beautiful boy like you you has no money? Did your Laird abandon you? Did you run away? Are you a criminal?" Vendor to the mayor: "I have informed you thusly, Roberto."

Vlad: "No! None of these! I'm just passing through." Mayor: "I see you are a Vampire. The Queen will have to decide about you. I'm afraid we can't help you as long as your status is unclear or we'll be in troubles ourselves."

Vlad: "The Queen? Fine. And where is she?" Mayor: "At her castle of course. Two day trips to the west." Vlad: "I won't survive two days without food." Mayor: "Uhm, I think it will be ok when you sell us your horse then. You'll get a share of the meat and you can leave. And we won't be punished for hiding a criminal." Vlad: "I told you I'm not a crimi... THE MEAT? You would slaughter my horse?"

Mayor: "Why not? Horses are useless. No milk, no eggs, no wool... The only thing they are good for is meat." Vlad: "But horses are intelligent, beautiful, noble creatures!" Mayor: "Who says that? Don't you eat meat where you come from?" Vlad: "Sure. But we only eat cows, pigs and chicken." Mayor: "What a weird attitude is this? Pigs are way more intelligent than horses, cows more noble and chicken more beautiful. AND they are all more useful than a horse." Customer: "So who gets to decide which animals should be slaughtered and which not?" Vendor 2: "I don't care, they all taste so good!" *sigh*

Vlad: "Is this your last word? Is there no job for me where I could earn some money? How could I possible reach the castle without a horse?" Mayor: "You have a point, though. But no one here would offer a job to a criminal."

Vlad: "..." Vendor: "Except for the sculptor..."

Mayor to the vendor: "Yes, but no one would work for him." Vlad: "I would!" Mayor: "Fine, you work for the sculptor and we'll spare your useless horse. Let's hope the queen forgives us." Vendor: "She will. That's the only way for us to get rid of him anyway. Before he starts to steal from us."

Vlad: "I'm not a crimi..." But the mayor already turned away: "You better behave, boy. Let's go to the inn, Martha darling." (You might remember Roberto and Martha from our Horse Ranch Adventures. It seems Tiny Can uses some known faces to populate the game, inspired by Vlad's logs. But since they did not recognize him, I guess it's just the visuals and the names.)

'A Christmas song from behind the wire Auld Nick patron saint o thieves, murderers & sailors Strike these shackles from me uh-huh Slide the bolt from out the door & tear down all the wire My babys growin cold & im on fire The aind that whistles off the hills & carries her perfume Carries too a lonely carol badly out of tune For just tonight beyond them walls id lay a mountain low And sing to her like only i know how

They dont hang no fairy lights these rusty iron bars So ill burn a paper lamp for her to see Though shes left like a widow of a war that never was Theres a light still burns in me'

The Rumjacks - Patron Saint O' Thieves

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest 🕹️ 'Therapy Game' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28