#I know my dog passing away is my moms loss too but like. she got totally wasted and now I have to sorta look after her while I’m grieving

[eeunwoo]

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[munson-blurbs]

That blurb about Eddie hating his scars just gave me the biggest feels…. Could you maybe write about taking care of Eddie after he’s back from the upside down? Fluff-ganza and a little bit of angst helping with his wounds and nightmares … ah 🥹 love your blooooog ❤️

Warnings: language, blood, mentions of surgical procedures

WC: 2.6k

A/N: This was more fluff than angst, but I hope you like it! Please leave feedback <3

@princesseddie86 here is the fluff piece I promised you!

“Stay with me, Eddie, please,” you beg as you follow the gurney down the hospital corridor. You watch him take shallow breaths, hair matted to his face with blood.

He groans softly, unintelligible sounds leaving his lips. He’s shivering from the blood loss. You’re not even sure if he’s aware that you’re here, but you keep talking to him.

“You’re gonna be okay. You’re at the hospital; the doctors will take good care of you,” you promise, though you’re unsure what can be done.

The nurses surrounding him are listing different codes. It’s like a foreign language to you, but it might be better if you can’t understand it. They might be saying things you don’t want to hear.

The whole situation was so bizarre. You’d been friends with Robin Buckley since grade school; you were one of the few people she’d come out to. You thought it was crazy enough when she told you she was now friends with Steve Harrington, but what really sealed the deal was when she’d told you about an otherworldly realm dubbed the Upside Down. Oh, and now a demon-type entity named Vecna was brutally mutilating and killing random Hawkins teenagers, and maybe, pretty please, could you help them fight him?

Before joining their brigade of monster hunters, you hadn’t had much contact with Eddie Munson. For starters, you took honors classes, while he struggled to pass his introductory courses. You’d been privy to his many cafeteria table speeches, but never paid too much attention to them. You didn’t think he was a freak or running some satanic cult like many of your classmates assumed, but you didn’t really have anything to do with a slacker metalhead like Eddie.

Of course, that was before you actually got to know him. Before you saw the way he took care of the freshmen who idolized him, his passion for anything related to music, how he read dog-eared fantasy paperbacks until he had them memorized. Before you realized how much you cared for him.

You watch the doctors whisk him to the ICU, and it dawns on you that you might not ever get the chance to tell him.

~

Eddie’s uncle Wayne meets you at the hospital after Steve and Robin find him at the trailer park and fill him in on what happened. Well, sort of--it was too much to get into the whole “Upside Down” business, especially when his nephew’s life hung in limbo--so that would have to be a conversation for another day. 

You’re waiting in the waiting room, chewing on your fingernails, when he walks in solemnly. His hands are shoved in his pockets, and though he’s stoic now, his tear-stained cheeks reveal that he’s been crying. Your gaze meets his, and he comes over to sit with you.

“You Y/N?” he asks, and you nod numbly. “I’m, uh, Wayne, Eddie’s uncle.”

You try to offer a smile, though the effort makes it feel more like a grimace. “Eddie’s told me a lot about you.”

“Good things, I hope.”

“Of course. He told me all about how you raised him after his dad went to prison and his mom...” you trail off. Even the thought of death--anyone’s death--is too hard to think about right now.

Wayne nods. “Was the least I could do. My brother--Eddie’s old man--he and I were raised by our drunk of a dad. And that really messed with my brother. Messed with me, too, but maybe I missed some of it because I was younger.

“He started drinking, too; starting drinking too much, too fast, too young. Makin’ bad decisions, just like our dad. And after he got taken away, I couldn’t let Eddie fall into that same trap.” He pulls out a cigarette and looks at you. “Mind if I smoke?”

“No, that’s fine,” you reply softly, and he lights it. “Actually, could I bum one?”

Wayne gives you a knowing look. “’S not a good habit, y’know?”

“I don’t normally...only when I’m stressed.” You take a cigarette from him and lean in so he can light it.

“Don’t tell Eddie,” he whispers. “He won’t like me poisoning his girlfriend’s lungs.”

You choke, and it’s not from smoke inhalation. “We’re, um...I’m not his girlfriend,” you mumble. But I wish I was, you want to say.

Wayne lets out a small chuckle, then takes another drag from his cigarette. “Well, if you say so.”

You want to ask him to elaborate when a nurse enters the waiting room. “Wayne Munson?” Wayne stands up quickly, motioning for you to join him. “Your nephew is out of surgery. You can see him now.”

“Okay,” he replies, “his girlfriend’s gonna come with me, if that’s all right?”

The nurse nods. “Of course.”

You don’t even bother to correct him this time.

~

The hospital doesn’t have any of Eddie’s favorite books; no copies of Lord of the Rings anywhere in the place. You settle for an old tattered copy of The Catcher in the Rye and read aloud to the sleeping boy next to you.

He still hasn’t woken up from the anesthesia, but you’re still relieved to see how calm he looks, his breaths even instead of ragged. They cleaned him up a bit so there’s no traces of dried blood on his face. He looks more like himself.

You’re still reading when you notice him stir ever so slightly, making your heart leap.

“E-Eddie?” you whisper, placing a hand over his, careful of his IV. “Eddie, can you hear me?”

He groans softly and promptly falls back to sleep. The nurses warned you that he might go in and out, that it was normal, but you just wanted him awake.

Wayne comes back in the room, holding a paper cup of water. He hands it to you and you accept it gratefully.

“Any news?” he asks.

“He just kinda...moved a little bit? And made a tiny noise. But that was it,” you report, disappointment written all over your face.

Wayne puts a hand on your shoulder. “I know it’s useless tellin’ y’this, but you don’t have to stay. I can call you from the payphone when he’s up.”

“I want to be here when he wakes up. Unless I’m in your way, and I can leave.” It hadn’t dawned on you that Wayne might want to be alone with Eddie, but the man just shakes his head.

“No, no. The company helps,” he reassures you. “Jus’ figured you need some rest.”

“I’m okay for now.” Okay is too strong a word; really, you’re barely surviving, but you can’t manage to go home. You turn your attention back to the book, clear your throat, and continue reading.

~

“Hello?”

The voice is quiet and gravelly, barely audible over the sounds of machines beeping and Wayne’s light snoring, but you hear it. You hear Eddie.

“Hi, sleepyhead.” You get up from the chair where you were half-sleeping and crouch by his bedside. “How do you feel?”

“Like shit,” he mutters. “What happened?”

You knit your brows, unable to hide your concern. “Do you...do you remember what happened? With the bats?”

He tries a laugh but ends up coughing, holding his torso in pain. “Fuck. Yeah, I remember those motherfuckers. Just not...after.”

“Well,” you start, “after you decided to be a hero, Dustin and I grabbed you and brought you back to Hawkins. You were so pale and shaky and...” Tears threaten to spill from your eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to be brave for you.”

But Eddie’s not even listening to that part. “You and Henderson came back for me?” he asks incredulously.

You nod. “Of course. You know he worships the ground you walk on.”

“And you?”

Because I care about you. Because even though we’ve only been friends for a few days, I feel complete with you. Because now that I know you, really know you, I can’t live in a world without Eddie Munson.

“Because you’re my friend, Eddie,” you manage, swallowing down all of the other things you actually wanted to say. You look over at Wayne, who is still sleeping. “C’mon, let’s tell your uncle that you’re awake.”

~

Eddie is discharged from the hospital after three days. He has to use a cane to get around until he’s fully healed, which he complains makes him look elderly, but you reassure him that it looks totally metal.

You help Wayne get him into the trailer and onto the sofa, where he sits back with a grunt.

“Okay, I think my work here is done!” you announce and turn to Wayne. “Could I use your phone? Steve can pick me up.” You’d driven to and from the hospital in Wayne’s car, which meant either calling Steve for a ride or walking home.

“You’re leaving?” Eddie asks from his spot on the couch. Maybe you’re imagining it, but does he look...disappointed at the prospect of you going?

You laugh. “Taking care of you for three days straight wasn’t enough for you?” 

“No, I think I need you here full-time,” he says, pushing out his lower lip into a pout. “Y’know, bring me my meds, change my dressings, give me a sponge bath...”

That last comment earns him a thwap on the back of the head from his uncle. “Behave,” Wayne warns.

You roll your eyes, heading for the phone. “I have to go home and rest. Maybe see my parents, let them know I’m alive.” There’s more truth than sarcasm in that statement now with Hawkins seemingly crumbling around you. And you are exhausted.

“Okay,” he concedes, looking at you with his brown doe eyes, “can you come back tomorrow? Wayne can’t take any more days off from work.”

“I think I can manage that.” You call Steve, who was on his way back from volunteering at the school-turned-crisis-shelter, so it only took him five minutes to get to the trailer park. As you walk to his car, closing the door behind you, you hear Wayne’s gruff voice.

“Boy, if you don’t take that girl on a date once you’re healed up...”

~

Two weeks later, your phone rings just before 8 AM on a Sunday.

“Hello?” you croak groggily, stifling a yawn.

“Y/N!” Eddie’s voice booms through the receiver, jolting you awake.

“Eddie? Is everything okay?” You sit up so fast that dots form in front of your eyes, and you put a hand on the bed to steady yourself. You’ve been going to his trailer nearly every day, bringing him his homework and often staying to help him with it. The boy was determined to graduate this year, come hell or high water. 

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” he says, like he’s just realized how early it is, “but can you come over now? I wanna show you something.”

You stretch and feel your back crack. “Sure. Let me just get dressed and I can be there in, like, half an hour?”

“Perfect.” You can sense his delight over the phone. “I’ll leave the door unlocked. Just come in when you get here.”

“Sounds good.” You run a comb through your hair and throw it up in a loose bun. Pulling on some light wash jeans, you rummage through your dresser to find a shirt. You weigh your options carefully and laugh at yourself. This isn’t a fashion show, you’re just going to see Eddie. Why do you care about what you look like? 

You know why, you think, but push it away as you throw on an oversized navy blue shirt and finish the rest of your morning routine.

~

You gently push open the trailer door and see Eddie laying on the couch, reading The Catcher in the Rye.

“Hi,” he breathes, then holds up the book. “Someone never got to finish reading this to me, so I had Henderson check it out from the library.”

“You never read it in your ten years of high school?” you tease gently, placing your jacket on the chair near the door.

“Hey, it’s only six!” he protests. “And no. Probably was s’posed to, though.”

“Is that what you wanted to show me?”

“Nah,” he grins. “Watch this.”

Your eyes stay locked on him as he pushes himself up slowly, grimacing as he uses the arm of the sofa for balance. His cane is leaned up against it, but he doesn’t reach for it; instead, he takes careful, methodical steps without any mobility aid.

You feel a smile spreading across your face, though it’s a bit dampened with concern. Should he be walking by himself? you wonder, but allow him his moment. He’s so proud, so determined.

He gets to you and takes your hand gingerly. “Ta-da!”

You want to fling your arms around his neck and pull him in for the tightest hug of his life, but you’re not about to re-injure him, so you squeeze his hand instead.

“Look at you! You’ll be back to torturing the rest of Hellfire in no time!” You go to drop his hand, but he doesn’t let go. You think maybe he just needs to hold on for stability, but then he takes his other hand and wraps you in a hug.

“It’s all thanks to you,” he murmurs. 

“I think the doctors and nurses who stitched you back together deserve some credit,” you remind him, but you feel your cheeks burning.

You feel him shake his head. “I’m not talking about the medical stuff. I’m talking about the...trying again stuff.”

“Trying again?” you look up at him quizzically. 

Eddie sighs and leads you back to the couch. “Yeah,” he says softly. “I kept trying to walk a little more each day so I could meet you at the door to hug you.”

Your heart surges. “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

It’s his turn to blush. “That’s me, y’know, the murderous satanic cult leader with a heart of gold.”

“What a coincidence,” you laugh, “that’s just my type.”

He lets out a small chuckle and takes your hand again. “Wanna know what my next goal is?” He waits for you to nod before continuing. “I’m gonna work up the strength to take you out on a date. If, uh, if that’s okay with you.” 

“If that’s okay with...Eddie, of course that’s okay with me. It’s more than okay!” You rest your free hand on his knee. “But there’s no rush. We can hang out here and watch movies until you’re ready. I’m not going anywhere.”

And then something comes over him, a feeling that he ordinarily would’ve dismissed, but now he leans into it. He cups your chin and brings your lips to his, kissing you softly. Your body is tingling as you move your hand from his knee to his bicep, mindful of his healing wounds. 

A fleeting thought crosses your mind, leading you to break the kiss earlier than you wanted. He misinterprets this and apologizes quickly.

“Sorry, should’ve waited until we actually went on a date...” he sputters, playing with his rings.

“No, Eddie. I just...” you sigh deeply. “I’m worried that you only think you like me because I’ve been taking care of you. And then once you’re better, you’ll realize that...”

His jaw drops slightly in disbelief. “Y/N, I’ve been thinkin’ about you since Robin introduced us. And then when I realized that you’re cute and caring...” he trails off. “kinda fell for ya.”

“Oh,” you’re taken aback by his honest confession and allow yourself to fall back into his warm embrace. “Well, in that case...” you smile as you kiss him.

His shoulders relax and he holds you as close as he can.

“I’m never letting you go,” he promises, and you vow that you’ll never let him go, either.

[sarahsmi13s]

Don't Leave Your Wingman

whumptober day 13: grief

pairing: pete 'maverick' mitchell x kazansky!reader (father figure relationship)

characters: pete mitchell, kazansky!reader, sarah kazansky

warnings: 18+ MDNI, language, mentions of cancer, canon death, death, fear of being alone, death of a parent, grief, 5 stages of grief, fear of losing family, loss of appetite, anger, mood swings, broken glass, throwing things, please let me know if I missed any

word count: ~1.8k

a/n: this is for whumptober! please please please proceed with caution and use discretion, protect your peace

also if you are on the whump taglist but are not familiar with a character, you can skip it will not hurt my feelings!

i am so so sorry i got this up late, please forgive me

whumptober 2023 masterlist

summary: you wouldn't leave your wingman in the sky... why should you on the ground?

“It’s come back.”

One sentence. Three words.

That’s all it took for the world to crash down around you.

Your father, your best friend, your wingman, was already dying. 

But with three words he was dead and in the ground.

You started the grieving process the moment your mother told you about the results of your father’s tests. His cancer was back and this time he wasn’t fighting it. So, start grieving now so it doesn’t hurt when he passes.

It should cushion the pain right?

No.

It doesn’t.

Because when you watched Pete Mitchell slam his wings into your father’s coffin, it’s like he’s punching them right through your heart.

You thought you prepared yourself better. Thinking ahead to how everything would be different. Going through the motions of him missing so much of your life, everything he wouldn’t be a part of. You were only 21, you had so much left to accomplish and celebrate with him.

He would never walk you down the aisle at your wedding. He would never meet your kids and tell them cool stories about the famous Iceman and show them his collection of medals and patches. He would never tell them the story of how he met his best friend and wingman, the friendship’s birth captured in a photo on his desk.

He would never tell you he loved you again.

You wanted to hear it one last time… even if it was in that broken, raspy tone.

“How is she?” 

You could hear your uncle talking to your mom outside in the living room. 

It had been a few days since the funeral and you had barely left your father’s office in the living room. You barely ate, your appetite coming in and out as you went through the motions. You just sat in the office, wrapped up in his blanket with his dog tags around your neck or clenched in your hand. You were nearly numb at this point, sitting and staring at the photo of you and him at your graduation.

You had hit the “depression” part of your grieving process. Denial, anger, and bargaining had passed when you learned about the return of your father’s cancer. But you were sure they’d resurface at some point, grieving is never linear and it’s not a short lived thing. 

But when it was something that you prepared for, something that you could see coming from miles and miles away? It should be easier right?

“She doesn’t leave that chair often… I don’t blame her. But I’m worried. You and Ron have been a big help with brightening her days,” you mom said, a gentle smile on her face at Mav. 

It was true, they both had been a huge help. Just sitting with you so you weren’t alone, that you had someone in the room with you also grieving – even if it was different. Both had lost a best friend, your mom had lost a husband. She sat with you too, holding your hand and making sure you weren’t completely alone. She made sure that even though you were both grieving, that you could talk to her. 

Mav looked into the room, seeing you in that position – curled up with your dad’s dog tags in your hand, lips pressed against them as you stared out the window. 

He gave Sarah a hug before walking towards the office doors and knocking before opening it. 

“Hey kid, how can I help today?” 

You shrugged a little bit, not having the energy to do much else. You sniffled and dropped your hand to the desk, pointing to a book that was resting there, “I um… I found that while going through some of his things…”

Sniffling again, you adjusted your blanket, “I can’t bring myself to read it… it’s all in his hand writing…” Mav nodded and came over, “I can read it to you, if you want.” “Please…”

“Would you want to go out on the porch swing? Get some sun, fresh air?” You looked up at him and he could see just how tired you were. You probably got a lot more sleep than you should have, or very little sleep that wasn’t good.

You looked at the photo on your dad’s desk, seeing him smiling down at your 18 year old self in your cap and gown, diploma in your hand.

“Yeah… yeah, that sounds nice,” you said, your voice a little lighter and the ghost of a smile threatened your lips.

Mav smiled and helped you up, grabbing the book and leading you to the swing on the front porch. 

You sat down with him, resting your head on his shoulder as he put the book in his lap.

As he began to read, you both began to notice that these were your dad’s stories. Stories you had heard from him, stories you begged him to tell you no matter how many times you had heard them… All there in a book.

You cried at first, so did Mav. But as he continued, reading your dad’s words and the side commentary he never failed to add, you both started to laugh. 

It was nice to laugh, it helped you begin to feel like everything was going to be okay.

“Today will be better.” 

That’s what you told yourself when you woke up the past few days. 

You could never tell yourself that it would be great or amazing. Because you knew you couldn’t make that promise to yourself. But you could always try better, your best would always vary from day to day.

And you were doing okay. You were making it.

Until Maverick showed up in his whites.

Your heart had sunk like a brick in your stomach.

You knew what those meant.

He was going out with them on the carrier.

That’s not so bad right? He would be safe right? 

But the look on his face as he stood in front of the office's french doors told you something else.

“I was picked as team leader to fly the mission.” 

The brick in your stomach started dissolving, making your stomach acid fizz and bubble up your throat. 

You shook your head, the dusting rag and photo clenched in your fist. “No, no you’re not.. You’re not flying this mission, Uncle Mav… You-you were just supposed to teach it.. You’re a teacher!”

He mirrored your movements, “Admiral Simpson-”

“No!” 

Your shout had startled him, you hadn’t raised your voice in any capacity for a while so your outburst startled him.

“I’m sorry, kid… There’s a chance someone doesn’t make it back and I would rather it be me–”

“So you have a death wish? Is that it? Can’t go one damn day without risking your life like no one is gonna miss you if you burn in, can you?” 

Maverick was unsure how to respond to that, standing there awkwardly as you yelled at him.

“You’re selfish, you know that? The both of you, fucking selfish,” you said, your voice cracking at the end as you poked his chest with the picture frame. 

“B-both… Y/N what-”

“You’re never supposed to leave your wingman… ever. So tell me why I’ve been left behind! Why everyone is fucking leaving me?!” 

In your anger you threw the photo on the floor, glass shattering and the frame breaking apart.

“He left me and now you’re leaving me too!” 

Mav watched the tears streaming down your face as you shoved past him and ran out of the office and out of the house.

Sighing, he looked down and noticed the photo under the shards of glass was the photo of him and Ice shaking hands after saving one another on that mission after graduation. 

“You can be my wingman anytime…”

After your blow up at Maverick, you ran straight to the beach.

The second your feet hit the damp sand on the shoreline you were collapsing to your knees. 

Clutching your chest, you sobbed.

“Why?! Why couldn’t you have just fought? One more time… for me! I need you Dad! And you’re gone! You left me here! And-and now you want to take Mav with you? It’s not fair!”

You fell forward, clutching at the sand, “It’s not fair!” You sobbed, not caring if anyone around you could hear you. You were in pain, you were now not only grieving your father, but you were now going to be grieving his best friend, your friend.

A pair of gentle hands pulled you back up into a seated position on your knees.

“Sweetheart…”

“It’s not fair, Mom!” You shouted, your voice raw with tears as you looked out on the horizon before looking down at the frothing tide, “It’s not fair…” 

Sarah felt tears sting her own eyes at the utter brokenness of your voice, the rawness in it.

She pulled you into her lap, shushing you gently as you sobbed into her neck. She looked up at the sky, “You better bring him home Tommy. Don’t you leave her without a wingman.”

The next week and a half was filled with dread and worry. 

Worry that Maverick would make good on that promise of being the one to die on this mission. Worry that it would be Rooster, someone you weren’t as close to but you knew he meant a lot to Mav. Worry that you would be alone, grieving another father figure.

You barely left the office, sat there in that damn chair looking at that damn computer screen. The last words he typed on it were still displayed.

“It’s time to let go.”

The five words felt like mockery as you read them over and over and over.

How could you just “let go”? Did he really think you hadn’t tried that? Or that it was that simple?

Because it wasn’t. 

You wish you could have just accepted it, that grieving someone as they sat in front of you breathing would have made it easier. But it didn’t. 

You felt like you were on the monkey bars again, the ground miles away from you and you were scared to fall.

“How can I let go when I have no one to catch me?”

As you waited in the silence, for a response that you knew wouldn’t come, a knock sounded through the quiet house. 

Your mom had stepped out to go get stuff for dinner. So you were the only one at home.

Sniffling and turning the monitor off, you got up and went to the front door.

When you opened it, you nearly collapsed.

There on your front porch was Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell. He was scraped up a little, but he was alive.

“Mav… Mav!”

He smiled as he caught you, keeping you from falling onto the ground and holding you close as you clung onto his bomber jacket, tears staining the vinyl. 

“You’re here… you came home.”

He kissed your temple, rubbing your back and cradling the back of your head.

“Of course I did, I couldn’t leave my wingman.”

taglist: @bradleybeachbabe @mayhemmanaged @kmc1989 @lovinglyeternal @horseshoegirl @cassiemitchell @fanboyswhore9 @nightowlalltheway @86laura11 @els-marvelvsp @valmare @startrekfangirl2233

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[eggriceuu]

Whispers of Comfort: A Journey Through Loss and Love

Synopsis: After receiving the devastating news of your dog's passing, you, guided by the unwavering support of your partner Nanami, journeys back to your hometown for solace and closure. Together, you navigate the pain of loss, cherishing memories and finding comfort in each other's presence.

Pairing: Kento Nanami x Reader (you)

Word count: 1.3k

–

As you hurriedly made your way back home, your mom sent you a message containing the heartbreaking news of your dog's passing. In shock, your feet led you in the opposite direction, towards your hometown. Both you and Nanami lived in the city, only a short distance away from your workplace, while your hometown lay by the coastline.

Consumed by your thoughts, Nanami sent you a message, unaware of the situation, “Hey love, just wanted to let you know that I've cooked your favorite food for dinner. Can’t wait to share it with you tonight. See you soon.”

Unable to type a response due to your shaking fingers, you opted for a voice message, “Hello, love. My mom texted me that my dog has passed away. I’m not coming home tonight to our house; I’ll be coming home to my dog. Sorry for not informing you in advance. I’m so shocked that I—(stammers) I’ve gone to the earliest leaving train to our hometown. But don’t worry about me, I’m settled and trying to process this occurrence.” Your voice cracked, evident that you were crying.

Nanami received the voice message and immediately felt your grief, worried. He responded, “Oh my love, I am so sorry to hear that. Do you want me there with you? Or do you want space? I’ll respect your decision no matter what.”

You took a deep breath before replying, “I think I need space for now, thank you.”

Nanami was skeptical with your statement, he too thought deeply before reacting to your comment, “and if that changes, don’t think twice to say it. No need to feel guilty for asking my company. I am yours and my heart aches when you endure things alone.”

You sat through your feelings and Nanami’s kind words on the bullet train, you realized that you needed Nanami’s support, so you sent him a text. “Can I call you?”

Nanami replied, “Of course, love. I am here for you.”

As you read his reply, you dialed his number. “I can’t believe she’s gone.” you announced, crying quietly in the train, pouring your heart out to Nanami.

He gently listened to you, as you break the news to him, letting you finish. “let it all out,” Nanami comforted.

“I’m sorry for changing my mind but I don’t think I can face her alone. Can you accompany me? See me in the next station? Please?” Your cries grew louder, but then you tried to calm yourself, remembering that you’re in a public transit. You started overthinking your words, tomorrow is a weekday, and you don’t want him to miss his work. Sighing, you took it back. “You probably shouldn’t. You have work tomorrow.” You sniffled, “Right. It’s not a good idea.”

Nanami reassured you, saying, “Love, I can hear how much you miss your dog and how hard this is for you. Please don't worry about me missing work. Being there for you is more important to me. I will be at the next station to support you. We'll get through this together.” His words were comforting, distracting you from your aching heart.

“I won't hang up. I'll keep talking to you until we're together. Just focus on your breathing.” Nanami soothed.

You kept your silence, all you heard was his steps and breathing on the phone. Soon, your cries finally quieted, “Are you getting on the train now? Where are you?” You finally found your voice.

The train announced your arrival at the station, and you got off.

“I'm on my way to the train station now. I'll be there in a few minutes. Don't worry.” Nanami replied.

You waited for what felt like forever, then another train came, people flooded the station, almost getting lost by the sudden surge of commuters–Nanami found you seated by the station exit, waiting on the benches.

“There you are, my love.” Nanami took your hand into his, interlacing your fingers.

When your gazes met, your world stopped—air leaving your lungs, you felt your heart squeezed.

Finally, your support system is here.

Nanami enveloped you into tight hug, quietly observing you. “You've confronted and conquered countless challenges,” Nanami begun, “proving your resilience through life's toughest battles. Your courage is unparalleled, making you the bravest individual I've ever known." He softly declared, while softly brushing your hair.

You pulled away from the hug to look at him, his eyes burned into you, searching for life.

You gave him a soft smile before replying, “This really means a lot to me. Thanks for coming along.”

Nanami whispered back, “I’ve got your back, always.“

–

You held his hand and guided him to your residence, both of you staying quiet throughout the journey. When you spotted your house, you paused, turned around to look at Nanami, and broke down again. It reminded you of how near you are now to her, only feet apart but instead of her usual lively greetings, you would be greeted by her lifeless body.

Your composure left as your knees gave out. Nanami supported your weight and let you cry out, his hands rubbing your back for comfort. Then he whispered, kissing your forehead. “She may be gone, but she will always live on in your heart and memories.”

Your feet couldn’t move, you told Nanami that you needed few minutes to adjust and he patiently waited. Not moving an inch, he stayed with you through the process.

–

Inside the house, your mom greeted you, her eyes still puffy from hours of crying. She hugged both of you before guiding you to where your deceased dog rested.

You could not help but wail in grief–there’s nothing could ever compare to the pain that you felt when you finally saw her. You plopped down to her side and hugged Maple’s body, still warm and soft.

Nanami gave you space, watching you from a distance. Your mom could not take the scene unfolding in front of her so she excused herself.

“She was a good girl,” You mumbled, looking at the peaceful expression on your dog's face. “I'll miss her so much,” You said, sobbing tirelessly.

“Everyone will miss her.” Nanami comforted, “Let's stay for the night, hold Maple for as long as you want.” He sat beside you, letting you rest your weight on his shoulders.

You nodded, interlacing your fingers. Together, you said your goodbyes to Maple.

You reached a point where you had no more tears left to shed, your dog’s body got stiffer as the time progressed, Nanami tried his best to convince you to let her rest—and thankfully, you gave in, you carried her to your chest and made way for Nanami to create space for Maple’s resting place on your mom’s backyard. Nanami started digging on the ground, making deep hole to bury her remains, you called your mom to witness her last moments. Your mom reached for your dog’s paws one last time. When it’s time to place her to the ground, Nanami reached out to you and you carefully handed her to him.

You and your mother silently mourned as Nanami does the burying.

More silence dawned the night, no one wanted to break atmosphere.

–

Back inside your childhood home, Nanami held your hand tightly, looking around at the familiar place. He led you to the living room, where you used to watch movies and cuddle on during the early stages of the relationship. “I’ll make you some tea, drink it before going to bed,” he suggested, wrapping his arms around you. He did what he said and made his way to the kitchen.

Your eyes followed Nanami everywhere he went, afraid that he too would disappear. You mentally thanked the universe for gifting you someone like Nanami. After you two had your tea, you said your goodnights to your mom and went straight to your childhood room that had now turned into a guest room.

Since you were so physically and emotionally drained, Nanami helped you get undressed to take a bath.

Nanami leaned in and whispered in your ear. “I’ll take care of you.”

True to his words, Nanami guided you to shower in warm water. He wrapped his arms around you from behind, and you rested your head on his chest as the warm water cascaded over both of you. He gently washed your hair and body. He consoled you with such gentleness, as if his soft touch could mend any fragility within you.

After the warm bath, he wrapped you up in a towel and carried you to bed, kissing your forehead. “Goodnight, my love. I'll be here when you wake up,” Nanami said before you drifted off to sleep.

–

Author’s note: This was just a very random scenario that played out in my head to comfort me when my dog almost died due to milk fever. I hope no one experiences this grief, it’s so heartbreaking and painful to see your dog suffer then wither.

[talkativetrashpanda]

One of the things I’ve been dreading has happened. We had to put Emma to sleep. I’ve lost dogs before, but that pain was NOTHING compared to this. Emma was more than just a pet. I grew up with my first dog, Kristen, and she passed away when we were fifteen. I was devastated, we’d literally grown up together, but I was too young to have a deep connection with her like I did Emma.

2013 was a horrible year. Arguably the worst in my life. We lived in a duplex owned by my grandfather, he lived on the other side. I was very very close to my grandfather and we spent A LOT of time together. I literally spent time with him every single day. I was a senior in high school when he had a massive heart attack and died.

We’d just been there. Not even ten minutes before. We asked what he wanted for lunch, and mom headed back to our side to cook. When we came back, he was gone. He’d had a massive heart attack that (thankfully) killed him instantly. But my mom and I found him. It was an incredibly traumatic experience that I still have a crystal clear image of in my brain, but at least I’m able to talk about it now.

He died in October. Kristen died EXACTLY a month later, to the day. It was devastating, trying to cope with two major losses. A few months later, I experienced a third, when my boyfriend of three years dumped me in a text message and ran off to florida with some whore. We’d literally been planning a life together after school. He’d given me a promise ring, which he said he’d replace with an engagement ring once we graduated. He’d given me absolutely no indication he’d changed his mind and I was completely blindsided. It was for the best in the long run, but at that time, it felt like I’d lost everything.

We’d said no more dogs after Kristen, but we were all so heartbroken and lost that we decided to get a puppy. I’ve taken the long way around to explain that we raised Emma, and I don’t know how we would have gotten through all that without her. My mom said she knows for certain that dog saved her life. I know she saved mine.

Trying to go on without her is just…it feels impossible. I got through everything with her. She was there every time I was sick, or had surgery, or had my heart broken. She was the one that comforted me when I was hurting and now she’s gone.

It’s even worse for my mom. Emma was basically her emotional support dog. I’m pretty sure she loved Emma as much as she loved me. When she was coping with my grandfather’s death, she’d sit up at night and hold Emma and talk to her. Emma always listened, too. She’d cock her head when you spoke to her and she’d make eye contact the whole time. And she was so damn smart.

She had such a huge personality too. She’d argue with you, she’d throw tantrums like a toddler. She was smart enough to understand you and stubborn enough to ignore you. God, I still can’t believe she’s gone.

We knew it was coming. We knew she had heart failure and we were on borrowed time. We tried to prepare, but how can you? Nothing compares to the real thing. We were given 12-14 months, and we got sixteen. We could see her deteriorating. We could see her beginning to struggle. But she was so damn happy and playful.

We called her wiggle butt because she’d always wag her tail so hard her whole butt shook. She was still doing it when my parents took her to the vet. But she was struggling to breathe and we swore we wouldn’t let her suffer.

I was worried about how my mom would take it, I figured it would destroy her and I was right. They brought her home and she was in a little box, sort of like a coffin. I’d originally said I didn’t want to see her, but mom said she just looked like she was sleeping so I went to say goodbye. And she did, she looked peaceful. It was what came afterward that’s been really traumatic.

Mom was convinced she was still breathing. She made me feel Emma’s chest and was begging me to tell her she was still breathing. Obviously she wasn’t. I had to tell her. She still wouldn’t let Emma go. I told her she had to and she started screaming that she couldn’t. Having to pull my mother away from my dead dog is something I’ll never be able to unsee. Then she started having a panic attack and I had to make her breathe. She was inconsolable. She heard dad begin digging the grave and freaked out. She’d originally said cremation would be silly and expensive but she couldn’t stand the idea of burying her. Then she freaked out about them burning her. I told her she had to choose. She finally chose cremation and I was able to call a place and make arrangements. A family friend offered to cover the cost.

I haven’t really had time to process my own grief and feelings. I expected my dad to stay strong, as he’s usually the strong one, but both my parents have been wrecks. So I’ve been the strong one, making the arrangements and taking care of things. Unfortunately we had to go to Nashville literally the next day for my wrist surgery. It’s been a time.

My dad said something he meant as a compliment, but upset me. “You’re handling this so well.” That’s something I have heard my entire life, and it was never true. I just got better and better at hiding it. My childhood was pretty damn traumatic in an unconventional way (death, death, medical trauma, more death, etc) and I didn’t deal with any of it. I just packed it away. For YEARS I heard “gosh, Allie has handled everything so well, she’s so mature. I couldn’t have handled it. I’m impressed with how she takes everything in stride!”

No I just got excellent at concealing and repressing and has crippling anxiety and depression and wanted to die a little bit.

But I digress.

Hearing those words again were triggering. I can’t do that again, I can’t repress everything again. I’ll lose my mind. But right now I have to be the strong one, the level headed one, and I feel like it won’t be long before the dam breaks.

[haptureratch]

I made it through the day and I am exhausted.

Like clockwork, Mom came to check in on me and I knew I wouldn't be able to hide my anguish in just a few seconds. No sense in brushing it off either because I did want to express myself to someone. So I turned to her and showed her my face, and I told her what was wrong. When you tell one parent you always hope it will get passed on to the other. And maybe she did tell him. Or maybe he heard my choked and broken words escape under the doorway and down softly through the two-story living room.

He thanked me twice for being there. Once with a kiss and a hug inside the funeral parlor. Once as we were driving off the property to have drinks and blow off some steam with the family. And he also announced that the 'bad energy' between his sisters did not happen, which he had been so worried about.

It's not direct reassurance. I don't think I'll ever get that from him. But it was enough to soothe away my anxieties about not being good enough. I was able to stop thinking something was my fault.

Now follows a series of glimpses throughout the last two days in the memory: - they had all aged so much. How long had it been since I'd been up there? Only aunt Bridget and uncle John looked mostly untouched by the time. Everyone else was so...delicate. Aunt Barb with lighter hair and thinner skin and more wrinkles around her piercing blue eyes. I got caught in the severity of her gaze when I saw her that first time, and she paused waiting like I was going to say something. I didn't have much to offer. Her, or anyone else-- the number of times I blurted out "I'm doing good, how are you?" in answer to a family member asking "How are you doing?" because it's what I'm used to saying at work-- very yikes, especially aunt Marsha. Oh, aunt Marsha. The white framing her face. Aside from that I was happy to find she looked the same. Aunt Kim, so stunning with bluntly cut shoulder-length hair finally undyed finally fully gray. It suited her. Very slim now too. She looked so chic. But when Mom brought up her depression I got so sad for her. I can imagine the loss of her own Mom eating away at her. I want to go to her now and look her in the eyes while I tell her she has a kindred spirit. But I can't. I'll never be as open with people as I want. Except Rilley. And I hope Steven stays an exception for a long, long time. - Tara. The loss of her husband drew lifetimes across her face. Again, I felt sad for her when Mom revealed she's been diagnosed with MS. - Ryanne. I held her in my arms for so long at the gravesite. I knew this hit her harder than me. And the whole time at the funeral she was begging for people to play with her, anyone, distract laugh please. So small. As small as me, both of us eaten alive our whole lives by our respective mental states. Her hazel eyes were so wide at times, almost with terror. And she said something like, 'That's the thing with our whole family, we are all just trying to make it.' She and Kelsey and I bonded over dissociative episodes at the funeral. - Literally everyone else there. Some looked alright. But so many looked battered by time. - Jan, so sweet. I'm so happy Mac and Morgan grew up around her and Tony. The spunk. She is a lovely woman. Why did I not know these things before. - It killed me to think that this was the row of family on the tree that was next. This is the generation that will be dying. In how many years? - "I can't keep doing this," sobbed aunt Marsha. Her father, her husband, how many dogs, her son-in-law. I would protect you from the thiefs the rest of my days if I could. - The pinnacle for me was walking up with Dad (and Mom) for the final goodbye. It wasn't at all for me to say goodbye to Mimi. It was fully for him. And I held him as tightly as I could from one side, Mom from his other side, as he broke all the way down and sobbed on his knees at the open casket of his dead mother. I broke for him. I hated to see him in such grief. But I'm glad I had the strength to follow him into it and cry with him and hold him tight. I hope he felt me. - Mimi. Poor Mimi. I saw her the smallest she's ever been (a theme, I guess). Peaceful but mouth drawn over her face unnaturally. I had thought it was a poor job of the coroner and felt distain for their lack of skill, but aunt Barb commented that it was an issue with her teeth. I said a Hail Mary, touched her necklace (which aunt Kim put around her own neck at the end), her hand, the crown of her head. And with these minute gestures in my inner world I honored her passing and let her go.

[honeyedafterglow]

two days after i killed myself

the day after i killed myself, i had no regrets. i was finally free—no more of that crushing weight, no more dark water filling my lungs until i was sure i’d suffocate. i didn’t have to think to myself, one more day. just try to survive one more day because i had no days left. it was over. i didn’t have to hurt anyone ever again. my family wouldn’t have to worry anymore now that i was gone. selfishly, i was relieved that i would never have to face them after what i’d done. i didn’t want to see how it hurt them. i didn’t want to know.

but i saw. from my place in death, i saw what i had done, the damage i caused. it was irreparable. my mother barely got out of bed. our dog barked and whined, begging for her attention, her love, asking where i had gone, but when she never responded, the dog simply climbed into bed and lay in silence with her. my cat, once confined to my room, now roamed the house as he howled, calling out to me, a living, breathing reminder of the daughter my mother lost and the love i had for cats.

my father, on the other hand, drowned himself in his work. he logged up to a hundred hours a week, only leaving himself enough time to miss me when he returned home at night to see my empty bedroom, the lights all switched off, the door cracked slightly open the way it always was when i lived there, eternally unchanging. he had begun to adjust the thermostat from his phone instead of passing by my doorway to do it manually. he didn’t want to think about me and what i left behind more often than necessary.

my little sister, who was only sixteen, still traveled between our parents’ houses. when she was at our dad’s, she kept the door to my bedroom from our shared bathroom tightly closed. she locked it when she showered, and sometimes expected me to burst into her room and scold her for leaving it locked after she was done. but i never did, and she eventually stopped unlocking it.

at our mom’s, she did her best to avoid walking down the hallway that led to my room and the bathroom unless she needed to pee. my door was always closed now, and my cat never seemed to figure out why. he would sit in front of it and cry, wailing for me to let him in, unaware that i was not home and i never would be again. my sister cared for him on my behalf, holding him when he cried in the middle of the night, feeding him when he purred and begged for food. he was how she honored me in my death. he was how she showed that she had loved me.

my older sister didn’t live at home anymore, but she felt the loss, too. when she lay in her bed, she sometimes caught herself staring at the candle i made for her in my pharmacy class and began to cry. she couldn’t bring herself to light it, unwilling to let a flame melt away something i had given her. when she felt strong enough, she often visited my social media pages and scrolled through my posts, remembering how i’d ask her opinion of my photos and whether i should post them. she always encouraged me to post them, no matter how other people may react. it was my page and she wanted me to share whatever i felt like sharing. now that i was gone, she was thankful for that.

my boyfriend was surprised by the news. at first, he thought it was a joke, something i’d orchestrated to get a reaction out of him—a sick prank. but he eventually realized that it wasn’t a cruel joke i’d been playing. he still went over to my house, sat on my bed, looked at the rumpled sheets and flattened pillows where we used to sleep together. he thought about how i would always sling one arm and one leg over him when we slept, like a koala hugging a tree, and i could see the ache i had put inside of him.

sometimes he would log onto his computer to play his favorite video game and see the minecraft logo, forced to remember how i made him play it with me the night after our first date when i panicked and made him go home. he remembered the feeling of his arm around my waist in the movie theater as we watched spider-man, of my hand in his while we walked through cedar point, of my skin against his the first time we had sex. he remembered the sound of my heartbeat whenever he rested his head on my chest, the smell of my perfume that he liked to spray on himself, the sound of my laugh when he said something particularly stupid. he couldn’t stop remembering. sometimes i wished he could forget, if only it would stop him from hurting so badly.

the day after i killed myself, i had no regrets—i was proud of myself for my success, relieved i had finally freed everyone from my web of misery and pain—but the day after that, i did.

two days after i killed myself, i regretted it. i wanted to go back. i wanted to push my hands through the earth i’d been buried in, my fingernails caked with dirt, and crawl home to the family i’d left behind. i wanted to wrap them in my arms, tell them i was sorry, promise them i would never hurt them that way again—but i couldn’t. i was dead.

two days after i killed myself, i regretted it more than i ever thought i was capable of.

[misterellyott]

It's been five months since we had to say goodbye to Odin. I see his pictures a lot on my phone, as one super cute picture my wife got of him is my background and my lock screen rotates through all kinds of pictures I selected on my phone.

In the years since my mom died, we have had a lot of loss. Sebastian, Scooter, Bronx, Jordan, Maleficent, and Odin. And we did have to rehome a dog Daymon because he could not handle the life we are currently stuck in at this moment, living in a trailer.

There are people out there that understand and sympathize with losing a pet. That like a lot of people, my wife and I, treat pets like our children so we take their loss extremely hard.

It still hurts so much to think about them, to think about all their 'annoying' behaviors and miss them. To think about how they would beg for attention, sit in our laps, love on us, etc and just wish we could have just one more day with them.

And for most of them, besides two, they were old and we knew their time was coming but that still doesn't make the day they leave us any less hard.

In fact it's made things even harder for us with the babies we still have.

We are constantly panicked over them, watching out for any possible illness in the event we need to run them directly to the vet. And at times, we start to get jumpy over things even when it's not even a big deal or even a thing.

I would not for a second trade having had any of them for anything else. I still would have adopted them, taken them in, etc even if someone had told me the exact reason and date that they were going to pass away.

We adopted Odin and very shortly afterward we found out that he had a terminal illness that was expensive to treat and would largely limit his life span but we still kept him, still loved him to the fullest because he deserved it and deserved to have a wonderful life outside the small cage his previous owner kept him in before he passed away.

But, with every single one of them, we still think about what ifs. Was there something we could have done to give them more time? Did we miss something? Did they have longer to live and we gave up too soon? Or did we hold on to them longer than we should have and made them suffer because we didn't want to let them go too soon?

Indi is ten years old and she seems super healthy and active and we are doing our best to walk her and take her to the dog park to try and keep her as 'young' as possible. But, we both know that in her old age anything could happen now. Jordan was ten when he gave up on life.

Miles is turning five this December and already him and Ursula who is turning four are slowing down. (Ferrets don't have a very long life span and it's a miracle if they make it to ten).

Watching them go from playful youngins to elderly old folk is so hard. We don't know how old they will get to be, as we adopted them from people who abused and mistreated them. Ursula's sister Maleficent didn't survive the abuse despite the thousands of dollars we paid for her medical care trying to help her make it through.

All I can do, is keep loving my babies every single day and enjoying what days we still have left with them. But, my heart is heavy knowing that for those three we don't know how much time they truly have left.

All the rest of our pets, besides our cat Quincy, are two and under and we still have a ton of years left with them, we hope.

I can't picture my life without them, though I know one day I will have to live that said life, but they are my babies.

My family is what helps me make it through the day. Knowing I have to work the two jobs to support all of them, is what gets me through the exhaustion.

Nothing makes me happier than coming home to my wife and son and all of our little babies who greet me at the door ready for my love and affection.

Even the bad days when Ursula, Chester and Athena are in a mood and feeling bite happy, I'm still enamored by them.

With all the loss, it brings a huge cloud over a lot of things. Like knowing there will be a day where I don't have a huge argument with Luna as she talks back to me while I'm telling her to back away from the front door so I can help her go outside to go potty. Or Moose's deep soft howls when he is excited to see us, or his whole body tail wags as we are petting him when we get home.

Or Indi's want to be petted, so much so to the point she overwhelms us and we have to just push her away and tell her to hold on a second cause she is just being too pushy.

Or Quincy's irritating head butts on our face as we are laying down to sleep but he wants to be scratched and kissed and loved.

Or the Wednesday's insane need to crawl up our clothes to get our attention.

Or Cookie insisting to get inside my sweater or in my hood.

Or Cream and Chester's annoying need to try climbing down our front stairs to get outside.

Or Loki's sudden crazyness and playfulness the moment he realize we are playing with him.

The list goes on and on. They are all so unique and fun and loving and I just wish they lived as long as we did so we never had to say goodbye.

But, I know, our past losses and our future ones, won't stop us from adopting more. Because, once our house is empty, we will want more babies to give all the love and attention to even knowing that we will lose them one day.

I'm just sad. I miss them so much.

[acaiasahi]

cw: rant, death n bad friends :(

my bff of like my entire childhood, who is conveniently my cousin, is such a fucking dick. we were bffs n all of a sudden she got a gf that she met online fgs, ditched me to be w her n only msged me when she had problems w her or js problems in general. never to ask abt me or talk to me, even after A WHOLE CHILDHOOD OF FRIENDSHIP 😐 then she got broken up w her gf n all of a sudden she wants to be bffs again.

she literally ditched me, then came back to me to fill the hole her gf caused and guess fuckin what. they got back tgt. and then all of a sudden we're back to "let's leave jaydi alone n pretend they were never in ur life mwahhaha" 🙁 how fucking shitty do u gotta be bro... and the crazy thing is, i literally communicated these feelings to her n she fr said she'd do better.

i literally asked if she wanted to see svt w me n that it was ok if she didn't want to bc ik she doesn't like kpop as much as me but she still said yes and literally the DAY BEFORE THE CONCERT... she said she had work n flaked so i took my mom instead n ngl she was a way better concert buddy <3 anyways, i asked if she wanted to go to another concert, the kehlani show in oakland and she said yes... guess what she did. she fucking sold her ticket, that I BOUGHT, online without even telling me. if i hadn't found out, i would've been seated alone, driven alone, etc. how fucking shitty do u have to be to even do smth like that. she was even like "yes!!! sorry for svt but we'll def see lani, promise!!! <333" bffr.

and when i got fired from my job, it was literal radio silence on her end bc she was too busy w her goofy ass gf to even utter a word to me. and then when i had to give my dog away, she literally answered ONE phone call where i was bawling n she ended it quick bc her gf called like wtf bro. and then when my uncle died, i literally shut down. didn't talk to anyone besides my family and some coworkers if it was needed n all of a sudden, when i'm sad n grieving n not msging back, i'm the bad guy :/ i literally sent a msg to my bffs apologizing for being so distant n "a bad friend" despite me mourning the loss of a loved one. and the fuckin funny thing is, she didn't even fucking respond. what a bitch man.

i shouldn't have apologized in the first place. she was the one who ditched me multiple times to be w this girl she met on the internet n as soon as i started pulling away, i'm the horrible friend who never has time, literally fuck off. ydk how much pain i went thru knowing my uncle, one of my father figures since i was a BABY had passed away n ur too busy w ur lil gf, who btw, is a literal bitch bc she broke up w u for the most selfish reasons n when i told u to not go back bc u deserve better, she basically told u to stop talking to me bc she was butthurt, ANYWAY, u didn't even think to msg me. ask me how i was. how i was coping. if i was ok bc he fucking died during the holidays. THE FIRST HOLIDAYS W/O HIM AND U COULDN'T EVEN BE THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED U MOST. EVEN WHEN U WERE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING BUT INSTEAD, I WAS THE BIGGER PERSON WHO DID IT.

i'm so fuckin sick of this shit n i'm honestly glad she's not in my life anymore. does it hurt? yeah, but only bc she was in my daily routine. she's showed time n time again that she's a bad friend but i still stayed bc i knew she was going thru a hard time but as soon as i'm going thru an extremely tough time, she bails. right now, i can't forgive u or wish u the best but i just hope this comes as a lesson that ur actions of consequences. be better.

[issaxcharlie]

Ghost Of You 2/2

Pairing: Ghost! Luke Patterson x Fem Reader

Summary: Luke, Reggie and Alex have to assimilate their loss. For Luke of his girlfriend, and for the others of their best friend after suddenly learning that she didn’t have the future they imagined, and instead died 23 years ago.

Thank you to @cookiebuba for being the head of the entire idea and trusting me with it, and to Emy for almost holding my hand to force me to write🤣💜

PART 1 HERE

“It can’t be.”

“Luke, I-”

"No, Julie. You are not telling me that the woman of my life, the purest person who has ever stepped on this world, not only lost her partner and her best friends, but was only able to live her life for two more years and then ended in a horrible accident. It's as if life wanted to torture her before taking her too.”

“Love of ?... Zeppelin shirt you wore when you ran away. Of course.”

“I- It can’t be true, please tell me it’s not true, Julie.”

“Luke... she loved you so much.”

He falls on the floor. The impact is strong, as if his legs have stopped working.

"I know." He whispers slowly, his gaze empty as multiple tears fall from his eyes.

The rest of the gang threw themselves to the ground around him and hugged him with all their might, trying to unite his broken pieces without any success. Alex and Reggie each crying silently over the loss of their sweet friend.

“What day did she pass away? Alex whispers.

"Let me search, one moment." Julie gets up quickly and checks on her laptop to find a little note about the singer's death.

"The rising singer Y/N Y/L who had just released the biggest hit of her career passed away this afternoon in a terrible car accident after leaving the cemetery where her late boyfriend, Luke Patterson, was buried. Y/L was there in commemoration of the 2 years of the loss of the aspiring musician, who died from a sudden tragic intoxication along with the rest of his band. Something to rescue from this tragedy is that at least she's already reunited with her eternal love. May both rest in peace.”

“This can’t be. My Y/N can’t be gone. Not her, not like that.” Luke is still in denial, unable to believe that his little girl suffered such a terrible ending.

“Maybe she’s not. There's still a chance that she's also a ghost.”

“Yeah, Julie’s right. We need to look out for her, we can't write her off without trying to find her first.” Reggie's eyes sparkle with hope, rushing to cover Alex's mouth in case he says anything other than motivating.

Luke takes his flannel and disappears immediately. Both Reggie and Alex stare sadly at Julie who simply whispers a "go, he needs you." They nod and teleport to their friend.

As expected, Luke is in front of the window of an old music store. He met his girlfriend here so many years ago, the day his parents agreed to buy him his first guitar.

The store had a small section where customers could try out some instruments and she was playing the guitar they had there and singing for the small audience. It seemed like it was something she did often because both the workers and certain customers seemed familiar with the girl.

Luke was captivated by her from the first moment. The energy and passion that radiated from her in every move was unreal. He had never seen anyone happier, much less singing with a borrowed guitar from a small downtown store.

The store is completely abandoned, so without saying anything he comes in and walks towards the small stage.

The ghosts of two 12-year-old kids singing together into the microphone invades his memory. If they only knew.

"Do you remember what was the first thing she said to you?" Reggie and Alex sit next to him on the floor, looking straight at the very small stage. They both try to imagine what their friends must have looked like singing here together the first time. Luke totally invading little Y/N's presentation trying to captivate her with his 0% music experience and 100% of enthusiasm.

Luke laughs through tears. "You have the voice of a country singer."

Alex starts crying when he imagines her. He met her just a few weeks later so he knows exactly how she must have looked and sound.

Reggie smiles while shedding a tear, remembering all those afternoons Y/N convinced Luke to join them in their country sessions. He knows that's why Luke hasn't wanted to know anything about country or his songs since they got back. They remind him of his sweet girl.

“I was so offended. I still didn't know anything about music but I had already decided that I would be a rocker. If I hadn't already been so dazzled by her I would have left without looking back.”

“And what did you answer to defend your honor?”

"You think so?" The three of them start laughing while still crying. A heartbreaking mix of pain comes from their chests.

“C’mon guys, next stop.”

The three of them were teletransporting around the city during the day without any success. Luke's desperation increasing for every place the songwriter wasn't.

At night the three decide to go back to the studio. Luke is heartbroken, bloated after crying all day, eyes red and sore, and whatever it was that was driving him to continue, off.

His friends couldn't do much for him either because each was living the loss in their own way, concentrating on living their own pain until they could process it.

Julie wraps them in blankets on the couch and tries to fill them with love, making sure to hug Luke tightly, who seems about to fall apart.

“Does anyone want to talk about her? Maybe it could make you feel better.”

“She was my entire soul, the words and melody in each of my songs. I just, I love her more than anything in this world. I would give anything for her. My guitar, my voice, my songs, whatever it took for us to be together. I know it doesn't seem like it at this point, but we belong together.”

“We know you do, man.”

“I didn't tell you but I dream about her almost every night since we got back. It is always the same dream. She is in bed, leaving my side intact. She's wearing one of my shirts and hugging my favorite one while sobbing. She falls asleep listening to the ballad I wrote for her soaked in tears and no matter how hard I try to wake her up, I can't get her to see or hear me. I can’t get her. After a few minutes she gets up still asleep and begins to dance as we did so many times, but alone. Then she stops and starts crying again inconsolably. And that's when I wake up."

"I'm so sorry, Luke. She deserved so much more." Reggie walks over to hug him, his head resting on his arm while he sobs.

“We couldn't even say goodbye to her.” Alex cries, his eyes completely red.

“We already know that she visited your graves, perhaps we could do the same, dedicate a few words to her.” Julie offers in an attempt to help them find some peace.

Luke looks devastated, but he nods his head as tears continue to fall from his face, the ring that his girlfriend gave him going in and out of his finger. Alex hugs Julie while she strokes his hair in an effort to calm him down and Reggie runs up to get a notebook and pencil to start planning what to say to his best friend tomorrow.

The three of them hang around all night, crying, writing, hugging, remembering the spark of Sunset Curve. In the morning before going to visit her, they realize is exactly the 25th anniversary of that tragic night that changed the lives of the four forever. Luke nearly punches a hole in the wall upon hearing the sad coincidence.

Her grave is right next to Luke's, who has never been here before and can't help but feel a bit anxious.

“Don’t worry, I’ll start.” Reggie tells the guitarist as he takes a step forward, a small smile on his lips.

"Hello, princess. Long time, huh? I'm Reggie, by the way. In case you don't recognize me from the slight change in my hair. I am trying a little more gel, I want something more elegant and classic. What do you think? Yes, I also thought you would like it.” Julie and Alex smile at hearing him talk to her as natural as possible.

“I tried very hard to think of what to say, because if there is anyone who deserves my best words, it is you. And three things came to mind that I want to share with you.

First, the color yellow.

Yellow like the guitar you were saving for two years to buy. You did everything. You were a babysitter, you walked dogs, you worked in the school library, you sang with your old acoustic guitar in every cafe, basically everything that will let you win some money.

And the day before you could finally go buy it, my dad broke my bass in a moment of anger in one of his typical fights with mom that got really out of hand. At least he didn’t hurt her, huh? But when you're a kid you don't even think about the possibility that something like that could happen, you just focus on the broken instrument in your hand. I ran out and ended up on the stairs of your house with my face soaked and one of the broken pieces in my hand.

You hugged me and promised that everything would be fine. That I was always going to have you four and that we would always be family. You assured me that good things happen to good people. And I believed you, you know? You were always right. But now that I'm here, that I know you didn't have the happy ending you deserved, I'm honestly not so sure anymore.”

Luke and Alex start crying again, each hugging Reggie from one side. Reg tries with all his might to continue through the tears, while Julie looks at them with a broken heart.

“The next day when I came back from school a new bass was on my bed. You talked to Mom so she could take the credit for the gift, but coincidentally was exactly the bass that I fell in love with a year earlier when we went to check if your beloved yellow guitar hadn't dropped in price. Luke revealed to me a few months later that you had to borrow money from your mom in order to complete the exact money for that one.

How generous do you have to be in order to do something like that? how noble? How loving? How selfless? You were always more than I deserved. I was supposed to be like an older brother for you, but it was always you who took care of me. I have Julie and Carlos, and I'm trying to be with them as you were with me. I had the best step sister in the world to teach me, and I hope I can do you justice.” Julie starts crying too after hearing his words, and resists the urge to going to hug him because she knows that they need their space to let go all the suffering that they carry.

“Second, my leather jacket.

When we started the band we made a 100% commitment to being rockstars. And a very important part is the look. You accompanied me on a walk around the city looking for the right outfit to literally go sing to the people who were lining up in front of the clubs.

Anyone could have left me alone on that for multiple reasons, not even these two wanted to face the trouble. But you followed me without thinking twice.

The afternoon was over and we still haven't found anything. Our feet couldn't take it anymore and we had 10 minutes to run to the club. But we stopped by a little store that had a black leather jacket in the window and you said, Reg, this is it.

You excitedly took me by the hand and when I tried it on, the rest was history.

Then I tried to get the whole band to use them but these two boys without fashion sense didn’t want to. You, on the other hand, supported me and wore your leather jacket during all the Sunset Curve performances we had, convincing me that they were our good luck charms and that if we both used them everything would be amazing. Oh god, I miss you so much.

And third, a star.

I thought you were a star when I heard you sing for the first time.

I thought you were a star when you and Luke managed to write the whole Sunset Curve album in 2 months.

I thought you were a star when you bought me my bass, when you made Alex feel better after one of his strongest attacks, when you filled Luke with love and support when he needed it the most.

And I believe it now that I know you are gone.

If you are in heaven, you have to be a star. And not just a star, the brightest star of all. I promise to look for your light every night to wish you sweet dreams. I will also sing you some country since you were the only one who appreciated my incredible sound, I hope it makes you smile.”

“That was beautiful, Reggie. I’m sure she loved it.” Julie finally reaches out to hug him as Alex prepares to be next.

“Hey. I don’t even know where to start.

I- I guess I should start saying I could never pay you all the times you were there to pick me up when I needed someone the most. I went back to dancing a little again. It's not the same without you, but somehow it makes me feel you close. I also met someone, oh Y/N, he’s so special, I'm sure you would have loved him and I would have loved the opportunity to introduce him to you. You were always there.

You were there to support me when I decided to learn drums to cope with my anxiety. You sang the song I was practicing over and over to keep me company and reassure me that what I was doing sounded good.

You were there to support me when I told you I like to dance. We spent hours choreographing different iconic songs and just laughing and enjoying creating more memories together.

Not shocking at this point but you were also there for me when I confessed to my parents I’m gay and you gave me strength all those times that I wanted to fall because they no longer saw me the same way.

You were always my safe place. And I regret with all my heart that I couldn’t be yours.”

Alex breaks down. She kept them on their feet during her darkest days and they paid her off by causing her the most horrible pain imaginable. Julie and Reggie surround her in their arms while sobbing. The last one of the band standing moves closer to the grave and drops to his knees.

“I’m so sorry, my love. I’m so fucking sorry.” Luke tries to be strong, but tears start falling like waterfalls from his eyes, his face red in a mixture of despair, sadness and anger.

“I will never forgive myself for leaving you alone. Baby, I've been without you for only 1 month and I’m going crazy, even with the boys and Julie by my side. I don't even want to imagine what you must have been through those two years. My soul is shattered just thinking about it.

At first when we returned I imagined you were happy after having fulfilled all our plans with someone else. And I thought nothing could hurt me more than that, but obviously I was wrong. Because although it hurt me that I couldn’t be the one who was with you, thinking that you had been happy gave me the peace to be able to continue. Now that I know that life took away your opportunity, the only thing I feel is anger.

Anger towards me, anger towards destiny. Anger at not being able to be together even after death. Since we discovered where you are, I have only been able to think of cross over and finally be with you again.

Or at least go back to the night before everything turned into a nightmare. Fall asleep with you in my arms one more time.

I swear I even miss your snoring and you biting my cheek after your goodnight kiss, as you would say, in a gesture of love.”

“Hello again, my love.

I can't believe 25 years have passed. First of all, I want you to know that I'm okay. Or well, the equivalent for ghosts that are destined to haunt the earth alone for all eternity. I made a friend for several years, Rose. I told you about her, remember? I know you guys would have been good friends, she was a ridiculously talented musician. Since she died I no longer had the strength to go back to the studio, but for a long time I enjoyed her company in one of my favorite places. She promised to tell you that I'm waiting for you. I will wait whatever time is necessary, okay? I love you so much, baby.

You three are always on my mind, and I think I can finally accept that the pain is just never going to go away. But lately something super strange has happened to me, let me tell you.

Throughout these years, in the darkest days, I see you. But, they were always memories.

A month ago, I started to see you having other kinds of experiences and I honestly don't know how to feel about it. Am I going that crazy? I selfishly hoped that you too were ghosts for so many years. I looked for you 5, 10, 15, 20 years. And just as I decide to give up, my head imagines you all over the city.

The first time I saw you singing Reggie's jam on the beach. You guys looked so happy, love. It filled my heart with peace for a few seconds, knowing that somewhere up there you are enjoying life singing together all day.

Then I saw my beloved Alex with a cute boy. My heart melted, I can’t even explain how much I wanted to run to hug him and gossip about it.

Baby, he looked so peaceful. I always wanted that for Alex. I didn't know whether to be happy or cry because that didn’t actually happen, so I did both.

The penultimate time was a few nights ago when I was walking in front of the Orpheum and I heard your voices. How wicked my mind is, right? A knife to the heart would hurt less.

And now, I can't even get close to your grave because I'm imagining you all again.”

Y/N doesn't know what to do, if she gets close enough will they disappear? What If they don’t? Will she bear to see them up close? She has been dancing with their ghosts in her dreams for so many years, but It’s not the same as doing it when she is fully awake.

She is about to run out of there in fear when the silhouette of a fourth person catches her attention. She doesn't know why, but it immediately reminds her of Rose. Could it be that she is imagining her friend too?

Curiosity is stronger than fear, like all those times when she got into trouble with her boys. She walks carefully towards her grave which is next to her beloved Luke.

“I swear I even miss your snoring and you biting my cheek after your goodnight kiss as you would say, in a gesture of love.”

“I don't freaking snore, I told you a million times already... and now I'm talking with my imagination, great.”

The band turns in shock towards the fifth voice. That's when she can see the girl's face and realize who she is.

“Julie? But, how?”

“Y/N?” Alex whispers on the verge of passing out.

She starts to panic, just before the boys can do something about it, a new person appears behind her.

“Hey, you took a long time." She turns around and jumps into the arms of who has become her only friend in recent years.

“Phoenix, thank god.” Her body continues to shake but she clings tightly to her friend while crying uncontrollably.

To say the ghosts are confused would be an understatement. And apart from that, the guitarist is having many conflicts with the jealousy that he is feeling at the moment. They haven't seen each other in 25 years and when they finally do, she runs into someone else's arms and clings to him like her life depends on it.

What does that mean for them? Is it too late?

“Beautiful, what's wrong? Who are they? Oh, wait. You guys were at the club a few weeks ago, you're friends with Willie, right?”

Luke feels like dying all over again hearing him call her that. She continues to shake but finally lets go.

“What? You can see them?”

“Shouldn’t I?” He looks at her skeptical and shifts his eyes from her to the ghosts.

“I- Oh my god. I'm going to pass out.“

“Baby, look at me.” Luke’s voice is a mix between a plea and a demand. The terror of knowing that perhaps he has already lost her without having had the opportunity to fight for her clouds his judgment and tears begin to fall from his face again.

25 years. 25 years fighting not to forget his voice. 25 years having him only in dreams, in memories, in melodies. 25 years waiting for him. 25 years on her own.

She turns slowly to meet those honey-green eyes she craved for so long to see, a painful smile from Luke makes her smile through tears.

She carefully lifts her right hand and gently draws it to his cheek, almost exploding at the feel of it.

“You came back. Oh my, It’s really you.” She jumps to the guitarist, entwining her legs at his hips, her arms tangled with all her strength around him, her head buried in his neck inhaling his scent. Tears coming out as if to drown her, all the pain and suffering that she faced all these years finally leaving her body.

Luke wraps her tightly in his arms, still unable to process what’s happening.

Alex and Reggie begin to smile without fully assimilating what is happening, while Julie begins to jump of joy.

“Babygirl, I'm sorry to ruin the moment but I have to rush to the club. Will you be okay here?"

“She's always safe with me." The guitarist growls, and Y/N starts laughing when she hears it.

"The jealous, protective baby in the beanie is right, don't worry Nix. I’ll go and find you later."

Phoenix nods with a smile and disappears. Julie begins to scold Luke while Reggie and Alex approach to touch the cheek of their best friend, still in the arms of the guitarist who does not seem to have any intention of letting go.

“We should go home to catch up. Reggie and I will accompany Julie, it seems that you two should speak alone first." Luke doesn't think twice and disappears with her in his arms.

“Good things happen to good people.” Reggie whispers as he hugs his friends and they start walking home.

Luke and Y/N reappear in the studio and they are both shocked for a few seconds. The girl trembles again in fear of dreaming.

“Hey, come here baby. Shh, I’m here, I promise.”

“Don’t leave me ever again, please.” He can see that it is very difficult for her to understand that is really happening, and to think that she lived without him not 2 but 25 years makes him want to cry again.

“I won’t. I promise, beautiful. Never again.” Luke wraps her in his arms, but she lifts her head from his chest to push her lips against his. The kiss is urgent, but they both instantly recognize each other and fit in perfectly. Luke picks her up again and gently lays her down on the couch, both desperate to feel the other, to recognize every inch.

“I missed you so much baby, I love you more than anything.” Luke whispers between kisses, not willing to have her an inch away from him.

“I love you my love. I love you, I love you, I love you.” She says while kissing the love of her life, happy for the first time in 25 years.

Before things get to escalate, the rest of the band shows up in the studio followed by Julie who clearly walks through the door.

"Let go of her man, it's our turn!" Y/N gets up quickly from the sofa while her boyfriend complains and she throws herself at both of them who pick her up as best they can and spin her in the air.

They put her down and Julie and her stare each other, both raise their arms and meet in a quick but sweet hug.

“You said my name back there, how?” The question that she has stuck since she met her finally coming to light.

“I met your mom many years ago when I came to visit the studio and realized that she could see me. We were friends for many years and I had the opportunity to see you grow up, but I always made sure to be upstairs when you came in in case you could see me too.”

“Well, now I understand how Carlos felt when he found out that we lived with ghosts. And It sounds like mom watches over us both from heaven.”

“Yeah, I’m sure she does.” Both girls smile and hug each other once more.

“I can't believe I endured 25 years without having those beautiful arms around me.” She whispers as they both lie on the couch, Luke has her completely cornered in his arms.

“I’m so sorry, baby. It breaks my heart that you have suffered that much for so many years.”

“It was not your fault. You lost as much as I did that night. Besides, I always knew that you would find me sooner or later. We belong together.”

“We do. I, I k-know we have way more to talk about but, who was the dude from the cementery?”

The insecurity in his voice is evident and Y/N can't help but smile. His emotions are complex, real, and nothing can make her happier than that.

“I’ll tell you all about my friend later, okay? For now... dance with me? I want to dance with the real deal.” He smiles and they both stand up, hugging each other as they slowly move through the studio as they did many times before life separated them.

The Luke in her arms is her Luke, the same one she has been waiting for so many years, finally back in her arms. And just as she thought when she lived, she will dance with his ghost for all eternity.

Thank you for reading✨✨

Taglist: @writerinlearning, @ghostofmgg @strangerthanfanfiction713, @thebloodthirstyvampress, @kinda-really-lost, @kcd15, @magnet-girl, @aliandthephantoms, @stxrkspidey, @pinkrockstar19, @s0uz4s, @shycupcakealissa @cookiebuba, @fangirlangioma, @sageellsworth05, @twist3dtinkerbell, @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve, @caitsymichelle13, @ifilwtmfc, @luckylouiebug, @bibliophilewednesday, @totomoshi, @siennanoelle01, @lunashadow6955, @bookfrog247, @morganayennefertyrell, @kiss-themoongoodbye, @rachelle3musicals, @imsydneywalker, @really-dont-forget-it @agentstarkid @talksoprettyjjx @kaitieskidmore1 @lukeys-giggle @katie-navarro @crybabyddl @cocopuffs0211 @marvel-ousnesss @blackhood5sos @tessxblxckthorn

Goy tags: @eternalharry @xplrreylo

[sif-the-tsunami]

When I Was His Wife

“Well I was looking forward to/ staying here forever/ ‘cause you asked me to/ Didn’t think I could do better/ So I settled down/ in this ten cent town/ it’s about to break me.” These are the Best Years of my Life- Pistol Annies

This is the follow up to “When You Fall Apart” Which is one of my favorites that I’ve written.

(there is Sy just carrying the weight of all of my own internal chaos)

A/N thank you for everyone who encouraged me to write this, I adore Sy as a character. He seemed like someone who could pull off the impossible. I made some choices in here that not everyone will agree with. Tell me I’m wrong in the comments an we can discuss it there.

Pairing: Sy and Josephine

Warnings: again all of them. discussion of infidelity, Discussion of child loss, discussion of unprotected sexual intercourse, headbutting, day drinking, self medicating, therapy, swearing fealty on ones hunting knife, discussion of knife play, I’m probably missing something

 Everything is going below the cut this time to save anyone who doesn’t like this kind of stuff from unpleasantness.

word count just shy of 7.5K

Thank you to @inlovewithhisblueeyes for letting me bounce ideas off of you, love you sweet girl

tagging: @oddsnendsfanfics @willkatfanfromasia @rocket44 @feralrunaway @littlewrenofrivia​  @summersong69​  @coffeebooksandfandom​ @klaine-92​ @nothingright​ @cavillsim​ @watery-lane​ @above-average-ass-bitch 

unbeta’d

I slept for the next two days, Mama only woke me up long enough to drink some water once she started worrying about me. She managed to wrangle my out of my clothes and into one of Daddy’s shirts we got him that she left in the drawer. My phone was dead, but thankfully Mama and I had the same kind so I could charge it today. What fresh hell was going to be waiting for me on my digital leash? I lay there for a while, the murmur of conversation in the other room was comforting. Mama left a fresh glass of water some time recently, it was still chilly with only a little condensation forming around the sides. The ache in my chest was almost unbearable. The hole in my heart was Syverson sized, being sober made the edges of that abyss feel even more raw and pronounced. I don’t know if my liver could handle me drowning my sorrow much more, but I would give anything to not feel it. I need to make this feeling of worthlessness go away.

When I finally decided to rejoin the land of the living, Mama and my brother Teddy were talking at the kitchen table, discussing about if they should come with me to go get my things or if I should call the sheriff’s office to be monitored. I stayed behind the corner long enough to let them finish what they were going on about.

“If I know Jo well enough, she’s going to need someone to keep her from burning the whole house down with him in it tied to a chair,” my brother chuckled. “She’s been taking care of herself for years. You should have seen how she handled one of these girls who came up to us once on Post.

“Jo was loading up the car when this prissy little thing came walking up, she must have thought she was some kind of hot shit. You would have been so proud of her Mama, the girl said to her that she had been sleeping with James during their deployment. All Jo said back to her was ‘You’ve both been back for something like three months, right, have you seen him since?’ Little Miss Hot Shit stuttered and said ‘Well not yet,’ like she had been really holding out that he was going to. ‘He doesn’t have my new phone number.’ Jo just tiled her head to the side. Smiled at her real sweetly and told her, ‘Baby girl, he’s not going to. He knows how to find you. You were just a rental car to him, sweetie bell. Ford Fiestas are fun as hell to ride but let’s be honest, you aren’t going to pick a Fiesta over the Mercedes Benz you have at home. You aren’t the first and you sure as hell won’t be the last, now go on and get out of here before I ruin the rest of your day like you tried to ruin mine.’ One of the other officer’s wives came up to her and said she was amazed that she handled her so well without breaking Miss Prissy Pant’s face. She just said ‘I’m too pretty to go to prison, Kathy.’ And we hoped in the car. You raised one tough lady, Mama.”

“How many times has that happened, Theodore, I need to know.”

“She has only told me about four women meeting her face to face. The two pregnant girls who got knocked up to get out of their deployments, Prissy Pants, and one who thought that James was in love with her. She evidently broke down in tears on the tarmac when Josie jumped into his arms and he swung her around. But she would get letters tucked into the windshield of her car for months whenever he returned from deployment.”

“You two kept this from me for years, why?”

“Jo said that this was her problem, don’t you remember how you handled it when her first boyfriend ran out on her on prom night? She cried to you and Dad, and you just told her that no one is worth weeping over. She’s just been trying to make you proud, Mama. Daddy might have known because I know they had a really nasty fight about a month before he died.”

I walked out after that. Mama’s eyes were red, “Good morning, baby, do you want pancakes? Bacon and eggs? What do you want, Darlin’?”

“Coffee would be a good start.” I rasped. “Can I use your charger?”

“It’s right here. Cream and sugar?”

“Black as my sense of humor, please Mama.” I said, Teddy chuckled again. I reached over and squeezed my brother’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m glad you’re here.”

“I got to look after my little sissy.” He replied using what he called me growing up. “So what are we doing to get over Jimmy?”

“I was thinking tattoos and day drinking?”

“Atta’ girl, Josie. Fuck that douche canoe.”

As soon as my phone was able to turn on, it sat on the counter vibrating for the next five minutes.  Six missed calls from James. And seventy text messages. A few from stores I shop at, but the majority were from my husband.

“Ugh, I just don’t feel like dealing with this right now.” I said as my mom put my coffee in front of me.

“Just leave him on read. I doubt he’s hurting for company.”  Mama said, in almost a snarl. I looked through a few messages. The last one was from this morning. Sweetheart, I’m worried sick about you, I miss you. Please talk to me?

“Ted, do you want to go with me to Walmart so I can get a couple day’s worth of clothes, I am just not ready to go back and I can’t live in Daddy’s old shirts.”

“Of course, we can get some booze while we are there.”

“Get yourself a bathing suit while you are there, honey, its going to be beautiful today and you can go for a swim.” Mama added.

I texted James back finally as I finished my coffee. I’m sorry I worried you, Sy, I have literally been asleep since I got here. I’m not ready.

I understand. I’m sorry, I should have seen how much I’ve been hurting you. I swear to God, I really do love you. Please, let me know what I can do for you.

Yeah, you should have, James. You should have seen how bad you’ve been treating me. You can drop off the face of the earth, that’s what you can do for me, I think spitefully. Thankfully, Mama washed my yoga pants and tank top. It would have to be alright for now. My brother let me wear one of his extra flannel shirts he kept in the back of his car. An hour later, Ted and I were at the store, picking up chips, dip, and cheap champagne. Mama loved mimosas, so I thought it was the least I could do. I grabbed a couple of sun dresses and a bikini, if I was going to be gone for a few days, I was going to come back home looking refreshed, radiant even, and not like the hot pile of garbage I was feeling like. I made a small detour to the cosmetics department, got myself a couple of face masks, hair dye, and sun screen.

“Really? Dark brown, Josie?”

“That’s as close to my natural color as I can, I’m tired of the blonde highlights. I think after this I might just let it come in. Grays and all. Who ever loves me next is going to have to just deal with me as nature intended.”

“I’m proud of you. Do you think you will leave him for good?” He said, Ted has always been very protective of me.

“Well, I certainly can’t leave him for evil, can I?” Making him laugh. One the way outside there was a truck near the front of the store with a sign that read “Puppies for sale.”

“Teddy, we need to see these puppies.” I gasped. Walking up to the truck bed I saw the sweetest little German Shepard puppies. I reached in and they all started flopping all over the place trying to get pets and love. Maybe a puppy was exactly what my hurting heart needed. We haven’t had a dog since Aika passed away. It was looking like I would never have a baby but maybe this was the kind I needed. Puppy snuggles would definitely make that Syverson shaped hole less painful.

“I’ll buy you a puppy if you divorce James.” Ted said to me, half joking.

“Shit, I can afford the puppy, pay for the divorce.” I jest back. “How much for one of the precious babies?”

“$500 a pup, mom has a pedigree, but daddy was the neighbor’s sneaky bastard.” The woman also petting the puppies said. “Mama is in the front if you want to meet her, daddy is very friendly as well.”

I start laughing uncontrollably. With tears in my eyes, I ask if any of the puppies are girls, and she pulls   out a beautiful little one with floppy ears and the biggest smile I had ever seen on a dog. Oh yeah, she was meant for me.

“I’ll take her, do you take checks?” I think I’m ready to start healing.

*****

“Josephine, that son of a bitch you call your husband is here to see you.” Mama shouts from the house. It’s Sunday afternoon now, Teddy and I have exhausted all the snacks and mimosas hours ago and now we were sobering up by the pool. My new baby girl is laying next to my sun chair, chewing on her bone, wearing a pretty pink collar.

“Well, might as well let him out here.” I shout back.

“Are you sure, I can kick his ass to the curb if you want me to, baby.”

“Its okay Mama, I can handle him myself.” Sy walks out in the back yard a couple minutes later. I’m guessing Mama threatened to stick him in a meat grinder.

“I deserved that.” He said, looking thoroughly admonished. “You changed your hair, it looks really good...

“Oh bless your heart, James. That’s not even half of what you deserve.” Ted spoke up before he could finish, not moving his face towards him. He lay there in his swim trunks and dark sunglasses.

“Oh great, all three of you have been drinking. I can tell this is going to go well...” James sighed. “Who is this cutie pie, did your Ma get a new dog?”

“She’s my dog, her name is Stella Rosa.”

“I don’t think anyone asked you to come, Colonel Sanders, what are you doing here?” Ted snapped.

“Hey, I got this, okay? I’m a big girl, please, go in the house. The fuck are you doing here James?” I lift my sun glasses up.

“She’s a very sweet pup. Yeah, you are a good girl for your mama, aren’t you? I came to see you. I want to bring you home, baby, I miss you.” He’s checking out my fresh tan in my new bikini. Subtly, but he does it.

“I’m not ready. I’m not even ready to talk to you. Why would you think that I even want to come home?”

“I don’t know, I asked myself that the entire drive here. I don’t know what I’m even going to do with myself when I go home alone. Pussycat, I can’t begin to think of life without you. I know I fucked up. And I know I can’t take that back. You asked me the other day what I kept that was special just between us. I should have answered you then. All those nights where you fell asleep with your head on my chest, the evenings laying in the back of the truck looking at the stars after driving around trying to find the best nachos in town. And, baby, no matter where we go, yours are always the best. No one else ever got moments like that. You are the only woman I want to slow dance with in the middle of the night.

“You are the only person in the world that I would wait four hours in the freezing cold to get the best brisket in Austin for because you were craving bbq when we were still, you know...” He paused. I don’t think he ever stopped blaming himself for what happened. His knees were never the same after that accident, and usually whenever he stood up from kneeling, they clicked and popped painfully. He leaned a little closer spreading his legs and reached down to pet Stella. She seemed a little leery of him. It is easy to be cynical given the circumstances, but there is something about the way he is talking to me, I haven’t heard him be this earnest in years.

“When was the last time you were with someone other than me?” I can’t bring myself to look at him. I keep my eyes anywhere but on him. My body aches so badly for him to just wrap his arms around me. I miss him.

“When I got held up in Kuwait for two weeks in December...”

“December? You mean when you missed my fucking birthday. Goddammit James...” And the ache is gone. My heart shattered again. He’s going to make me cry again.

“Hey, it was after your birthday, and it was a hate fuck because I was mad that I broke yet another promise to you.”

“That doesn’t make it better.” I snap. “How many that deployment?”

“Just the one. And she’s someone who I knew was more discreet because we had that arrangement before.”

“I swear on my Daddy’s grave that if you are lying to me right now, I will end you Syverson. You couldn’t have waited a few more days?”

“I had no idea when I was going home. We boarded that fucking plane three times and had to turn back because there was a problem with it. I was two seconds away from tearing apart the first Private that so much as looked at me sideways. It felt like, at the time, the less terrible choice.”

“They sound both pretty shitty to me. You are a fucking adult James, you have to be able to control yourself or at least be responsible for your actions. If this is what you think love is, I would rather you hate me.” I stand up. Stella wags her tail excited to get away.

“Josephine, please...” He grasps my wrist, not hard, but there wasn’t anyway I was going to be able to get out of his big hand.

“Please what? Please stay so you can keep treating me like this. There are some people in this world who have no problem playing second or third fiddle, they are just thankful they are in the band. But I deserve to be your first chair, or I don’t want to play at all.”

“Mama wants to know if the jackass is staying for dinner.” Ted shouts at us.

“He going!” “I’m staying!” we yell over each other. He’s not looking at me, he’s not even looking at the pup. His eyes are somewhere else, mentally for a second he is somewhere else also.

“Baby…  I… You have always been my first chair. There is no one else on earth like you. I have never done anything with these women as an act of love. It was always been, and I mean always, just a way to scratch an itch. Every time I was gone, every time things got bad, getting to come home to you was the thing that keep me going, Jo. You have been my safe harbor for the worst parts of my life.”

“James… That doesn’t excuse what you’ve done. You aren’t the man I fell for anymore. This isn’t healthy.” He let go of my wrist, and rubs his face. Those beautiful eyes of his have seen so much. For the first time I think he actually looks… broken. Is this the remorse I have been wanting to see? I try not to keep scores, especially when it comes to my loved ones. But for the first time since things went sour, he looks like I hurt him as much as he has hurt me.

Maybe there was love between us once. However there are just two broken hearts for now.

“Come on in the house, I can at least feed you before I send you back.”

“I think I will just go,” he says it quietly. “I don’t want to be a burden on you.”

“Don’t be like that, I am still cooking like I’m making dinner for you, so its way too much for the three of us. Come on in, I made carnitas.”

“I’ll be in, I just need a minute.” He refuses to let me see him cry if he’s not waking up screaming, even after all this time. Whenever we could have a healing moment, he pushes me out. I went inside, and started setting the table.

“Are we poisoning his tacos?” Teddy asked me.

“That’s not the worst idea I’ve heard today.” Mama interjected.

“No, and don’t start anything. He’s eating dinner with us, don’t either of you make him feel bad. I already did that.” Sy walked in at that moment, those blue eyes of his rimmed with red. He looked defeated. The four of us ate our dinner in silence. There was a time where he would have made some kind of comment about eating me out when we had tacos. He looked at me once during the meal, I think he remembered it too. He offered to clear the plates when were all done and sat in uncomfortable silence. The cockiness I had grown accustomed to over the years was gone.

He carried himself like this when we lost our baby, he can’t take that kind of humility. At least not with me.

“Sy...” I waited until the others were out of the room. “Do you still want me to come home with you?”

“Not if it means all we are going to do is get a divorce. I can’t see you every day knowing that I will never get to be yours again. I let them do a lot of terrible things to me over the years, but that… that I can’t handle.” His voice cracked. “If you want out, I will give you everything you ask for. I won’t fight you. But please, give me a chance to fight for you.”

“I don’t think you are exactly in a position to make that that request.” I lean against the counter across the room from him.

“No, I’m not.” he half smirked, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Look, I’m not saying that this can’t still all explode in our faces. But I miss my best friend and that has always been the best part of us. It will never be the same as it was before, it can’t be. However, if you are willing to work with me, I am willing to see if we there is any salvageable. If nothing else, we both need therapy very badly. We can’t just shrug this off. The second that it goes back to where we were, I’m gone.”

“Okay. I’ll do it.” He sniffs hard, and his breath is broken up, tucking his arms against himself. Usually its in authority, this time hes just trying to hug himself. I gesture him to come over and I hug him. He wraps his arms around then envelopes me. Leaning his head on mine, he whispers “I’ll do whatever you want, my darlin.”

I told my mom that I would be going home, she sighed at me. “Do you think this is the best idea?”

“I don’t know, Mama. I think I just want some closure. I told him if he so much as sneezes out of line that I’m gone. Forever. There will be no more chances.”

“Well, baby, I trust you. You are always welcome back here if you need to get away.”

While I’m packing my stuff into the shopping bags I had, I hear a sudden crack and Sy groans then swears. “yeah, I deserved that too.”

“What the fuck did you just do, Theodore?” I yell coming out. Ted was still holding my husband’s hand, and Sy was holding his face. “Did you… just headbutt him?”

“Yes, I did. My sister my might be willing to move past your mistakes, but I’m not. However, I’ve always been the petty one in the family. Hurt her again, they will have to dig your nuts out of your chest cavity, do we understand each other?”

“Yep, perfectly.” Sy grimaced. There were very few men that he would not retaliate against. Teddy, at 6’5, and years of horse wrangling, was one of them. Sy was build like a brick shit house, but so was my big brother. I thought we were old enough to not resort to violence, I have been wrong before.

My probably, potentially, soon to be ex-husband put mine and Stella’s things in the back bench of his truck. I held her in the crook of my arm as I climbed up in the cab. He gently shut the door for me, I noticed his shiner was going to be pretty gnarly in the morning.

He climbed into the other side as I set little Stella down on the floor. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it was a cheap shot, I’ll be fine. At this point, I don’t want to rock the boat with your brother and Ma. She tore me a new asshole before I got outside today.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t changed your mind, say to hell with me and that I’m not worth the hassle.”

“Josephine, I might not have made the appropriate effort to show you how much you mean to me, but you are worth it.” The Syverson shaped hole in my heart roared. Why couldn’t he have been this way all along?

We talked about the girl at the movies, and how she was one of his new officers. She might have come on to him, but he never engaged with her outside of work related things. He told her several times that he wasn’t interested but she was persistent. I halfway apologized for trying to decapitate him with a tequila bottle. He acknowledged that this was a long time coming.  This was the most we had talked about anything deep for months. I don’t know if it was too little and too late though.

The rest of the drive home we made a plan of action. He would move into the office and would stay in there until I invited him back into my bed. We would start couple’s therapy as soon as we could. He would also start seeing a therapist individually. Before we got into town I also told him my final request for our reconciliation. I wanted to see other people. I had been with him since I was nineteen, I have never faltered in my devotion to him. I wanted to see if he was really the one for me.

When I got home, I poured out the rest of my alcohol, save for a bottle of champagne I was saving for our anniversary. He took Stella outside to go potty and came back singing her name “Stella bella, who is a good girl? Your Mama picks good puppies, yes she does. Good girl, Stella bella.”

Stella came prancing back to me with her tail wagging happily. He walked up behind me, and grazes the backs of my arms gently with his knuckles, leaning down to kiss my neck. “Not yet, Sy. I don’t want us to complicate things more than they already are.”

“Josie, what do you mean?”

“I don’t want to have sex with you until we start therapy.”

“So you want us to stop having sex, sleep in separate rooms and at some point you want to start seeing other men.” He starts nodding. He lets out a deep sigh and closes his eyes. “Okay, it that’s what you want to do. I was thinking about getting my stuff out of the bedroom so I can try to get some sleep. I love you, Pussycat. I’ll see you in the morning.” And with that, James went to bed. He was snoring on the couch in the office by the time I went to go lay down.      

****

It took us three weeks to get into see a couples therapist. It felt a little validating about my decision that we shouldn’t sleep together until we have really decided to try or not. She had me stay behind and talk with her for another half an hour the first time we met.  She asked me why I wanted to save my marriage with Sy if he’s hurt me for years.

“I don’t rightly know,” I told her. “Maybe its because when we are good we are so damn good. Before we were married, I was warned, I knew that things happened overseas and I shouldn’t take it personally, he’s just a man and not a saint. I never have had a doubt in my mind about if he’s been faithful when he’s been here until recently when a woman he knows started acting weird around me. The love we had was so passionate, like sometimes he thought that if he couldn’t put his hands on me I would disappear. I don’t think I will ever find someone who can love me like that again.”

The therapist suggested that he starts getting treated for PTSD and anger management while we all were working together. I would also have my own separate sessions to work on my own issues. It took a few months but I started seeing small differences in how he was handling things at work that pissed him off. He was able to defuse himself more easily. He became more open with his feelings. I think it helped that we both stopped drinking. We could be a little volatile when we had a pitcher (or three) of margaritas.

There were days with our sessions where we leave emotionally exhausted and not speak to each other the rest of the day, some of them ended in peals of laughter, others where I would cry for most of it. We discussed the infidelity at great lengths. I don’t want to rehash the details but it was definitely one of the bad days. But it seems that the root cause was him using the only the other women for comfort after fairly traumatic events. It’s why it only happened on deployments. He needed to feel something other than pain.

The lack sexual intimacy between the two of us made James start to get creative to initiate closeness between the two of us. He started helping me make dinner on the weekends, or he would bring me my coffee in the morning the way I like it. Mama and Teddy started coming over occasionally for suppers. It was nice to have the house filled with laughter. We started talking again like when we first started dating. He would take the time to go with me grocery shopping.

He started asking me out on dates again. Myself, him and Stella would drive out to the country, with a picnic basket that he would even prepare himself and we would go star gazing like we used to. I loved seeing the effort, but that hole still ached in my chest the whole time. The pieces should have all fit together, but here I was still not sure I could commit to him for the rest of my life.

On one of these dates, he asked me what I thought about him retiring. He had been in for almost nineteen years at this point and had far exceeded is expectations for being in the Army as an officer.

“I kind of just want to sell off all our extra shit and buy a really nice Air-stream. We can pull it with my truck. Just travel up and down the continent, I know you always have wanted to see the Northern Lights, we can just go anywhere. Me, you and Stella would visit where ever we could find a parking spot.”

“That sounds nice, Sy.” It came out a little half hearted.

“You don’t sound convinced, sweetheart.” He said, started sounding concerned.

“Hun, I don’t want to have a fight right now, so please just let me get this off my chest.” I sigh. And then I told him about the pain in my chest that I’ve had since my night in jail. That sometimes, like tonight, it was only a dull ache. That other times the edges are still so sharp that it feels like the pain was going to swallow me whole. He sits up, jaw dropped.

“Why haven’t you told me this before? I… Jo… son of a bitch.” He groans. He lays back down, the same defeated tone came back that I hadn’t heard since Mama’s house. “I’m trying my best, Josephine, but I feel like I have one hand tied behind my back… you will never love me again, will you?  I can grovel, and beg. I don’t know what else I need to do. I know what I want to do, but it will just hurt you more.”

“What do you want to do, Sy?”

“I want to kiss every part of your skin, remind your body that I worship it. I want to pin you to the wall of our hallway and make love to you. I want to go to sleep with my nose buried in in your hair, and wake up sliding inside of you. I have since you came home. Hell, I always want to do that with you. But that can’t be the only thing that keeps us together.” He looked over at Stella sprawl out.

“I didn’t say this to hurt you, hun. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

“I know, I… just don’t want to cause you more misery. I really thought we were, you know, heading back in the right direction.”

“We have been, and honestly, I think if we threw in the towel now, it would cause more harm than good.” I say as the tears well up in my eyes. For the first time since I was taken away, I straddle his hips. He sits up and I place my hands on either side of his face, then lean in to kiss him. He kisses me back with the same hunger. I missed him. The ache dulled a little until he pulled away.

“Let’s get going, Jo, I want you so fucking bad. I want to take you here and now, I want to make you scream my name and damn anyone who catches us. We need to stop this, the agreement was that we wouldn’t. Fuck I’ve missed how you taste.” He said before stealing one more kiss.

*****

The next week was awkward to say the least, the therapist was pleased about the kissing and that I opened up. She said that it was possible that the pain would go away, but that he and I needed to remember that it was like I was grieving. In the mean time, we should continue to take it slowly because we both needed to be sure. The following few days he was distant, and the ache returned in full force.

With his PTSD treatments, he was having less nightmares. It was the best thing I could ask for. There were still times where he would yell in his sleep but they had become farther and farther apart. It was a night after he had his individual treatment, he had come home talking about how he felt the night of my breakdown. He came home and told me a little bit, how he had never seen me so angry before, thrashing about like a caged animal. He hated himself for pushing me there. That night, in the darkness of the small hours, I woke up from being dead asleep hearing him say my name in a panic. He then repeated sounding more and more scared. “Josie, oh my god, Josie, no. I’m sorry Jo, I didn’t mean to. JoJo!”

I rushed into the office, he was jerking violently in his sleep about on the couch. I turned on the light near his head. When these dreams happen, his eyes were usually opened, it creeps my out every time. I start to gently wake him up, saying his name and touching him as gently as possible. It took a few moments but he came back to me.

“Jo, Jesus fuck, you’re alright?”

“Of course I am, sweetheart, what happened? I’m right here, I’m okay, you are okay, everything is okay.”

“I dreamed we were back in the kitchen, you were under me. Screaming and whipping about. I had to restrain you more then I accidentally broke your neck and you died in my arms. It felt real, baby, I was holding your body and then the sheriff came and that’s when you woke me up. Oh my god. I fucking can’t. I can’t anymore. I need you, Josie. If something happens to you, oh fuck.” I have never seen James sob like this. He pawed at me until I was wrapped in his arms. I slipped my arms around his neck and held his head to mine. His sobs were hard. We sat there until he let it all out.

“Come on, big man, let’s get you into bed. Come with me. I’ll stay with you all night.” He nodded at me and followed me to the bed we used to share. I wrapped him up in our fluffy blankets. He snuggled into me and was asleep in moments. I stayed there in his arms until he woke up. The Syverson shaped hole hurt less that night.

When he woke up he started crying again. He held me and started kissing my face. “Thank god. I thought you coming to me last night was another dream.”

“No baby, I’m here.” He sniffed hard and squeezed me closer to him. We went back to sleep for a few more hours and when we got up for the day he moved his things back into our bedroom. We might not have started other marital acts but we both started sleeping better having the other person in bed. It had been almost six months we started trying to reconcile.

*****

It had been an interesting couple of months while we started the transition for him to retire. Soon it was only a matter of days. The dates had continued, the kissing had continued, but something was keeping me back from being able to say that the next step was what I wanted. Therapy continued, and we would be seeing her for the next few months. Before I left my private session she asked me if I had given myself a deadline. She was concerned that I might keep dragging it out and that would just make both of us miserable. I told her I had an idea and that I planned on pulling the trigger soon.

Sy’s superiors were setting up a retirement ceremony for him, followed by a dinner with the upper chain of command. He wasn’t looking forward to it, Sy just wanted to be out and done. He came home one day while I was watching a show based on a book series I had read when we first were married. The redheaded Scot swore fealty to his wife, offering to pierce his own heart with a dagger if he should ever rebel against her again.  

“What’s this you’re watching?” He asked.

“Outlander, it just picked back up again from a season break. It’s pretty damn close to the book.”

“So is this what the ladies like these days, men in kilts offering to off themselves if they fuck up?”

“Women have liked men in kilts since I can remember. Why do you think we go to the Renn Faire every year.” I wink at him. “But yeah, I’m sure that does it for some people.”

“Well shit, Pussycat, it’s the only thing I haven’t done.” Sy walked out of the room and came back with his favorite hunting knife. It had been his dad’s once upon a time. The handle was made out of buck horn. In his warn and dusty uniform, he knelt in front of me on the living room floor. His beautiful blue eyes looking into mine, “Well, this isn’t iron, and it definitely isn’t holy. However, I will swear on it either way. Josephine, you are the only woman I have ever loved, you are my best friend, and I adore you. I will never do anything to make you doubt that love or loyalty again. If I ever do anything that makes you feel like you are less than the beautiful, smart, incredible, sexy creature that you are, you can sink this right in my heart. I will even hold it there for you so all you have to do is press it right in.” He finishes with a tongue click as an exclamation.      

“James, you didn’t need to do this. You know I am weird about grand gestures.”

“No, I think I do. I said my vows to you on our wedding rings and I wasn’t able to keep it. But, I will never break this one. If I can earn your love back, I will never do anything to make you regret giving me this chance to be your man.” He still held the knife against his chest with one hand, and placed my hand over his with the other. “So what do you think, baby girl? We still have a long way to go, but I can’t think of anyone else I would rather struggle with.”

“I think you just put yourself in a position that I could just end you now if I wanted to.” I say with my usual sass.

“Yes, you could. I don’t think you will though.” He said smiling, his voice was husky and deep as usual. I love that easy smile of his.

“Is it wrong that I want to get on your lap and make out with you while I hold this against you.” His eyebrow raised. “Maybe more than just make out with you.”

“Oh, don’t you tease me now, sweet thing. I don’t want to start anything you won’t finish.”

“Who said I won’t finish it, Colonel Syverson?” His eyes grew as big as dinner plates.  

“Wait, do you mean it?” He choked.

“Yeah, I do mean it.” I laughed. Before I could get up, he had hiked the skirt of the dress I was wearing up to my hips, pulling me to the edge of the sofa, revealing that I had skipped a certain garment that day. “I had an idea for after supper, but if you want we can do this now…. Oh fuck I’ve missed this.”

Before I can even finish my sentence, he was going to town with his tongue on his favorite part of my body. He remembered everything that made me squeal in delight. From the lack of sex on both of our ends, he was able to get me off easily. My body was desperate for his touch. He stopped once my body was trembling, kissing one of my thighs from my apex to my knee. He suddenly grunted and bit down on a tender part. He started panting and kissed the spot he bit.

“I’m sorry, sugar, I didn’t want to only last for two or three thrusts. Fuck, I have missed this pretty pussy. You taste so good.” He had a handful of his own cum and looked around for a tissue. Without a word, I grabbed his hand and licked it clean, keeping eye contact with him the entire time. He moaned out and then stood up. He took his shirt off, and lifted me up off the couch. I knew this hurt his back and knees but I wasn’t about to chastise him for wanting to be romantic. He carried me like we were on our honeymoon back to the bedroom. He lay me down as gently as possible then finished stripping himself. I took my dress off leaving myself exposed to him in a way that I haven’t in almost a year. Sy joined me on the bed, open and vulnerable to me. I loved those thick thighs and torso of his, he always eclipsed me.

“Hello ladies, nice to finally see you again.” He purred as he licked and sucked on my nipples. He leaned to one side and massaged my breasts with one of his hands. “Glad to see you that you missed me too.”

Before long, I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh. He spread my legs and rubbed himself against my opening. He leaned down and kissed my neck before sliding himself inside of me. I moan his name as he gently started making love to me. Bearing his weight on his elbows, he kissed and nipped at my neck.

Breathlessly, he told me how much he missed my body, how much he loved me, how lucky he was to have me. As his tempo increased, he started to whisper in me ear.

“Josephine, tell me what you are.” I looked at him confused. “You are my wife, I want you to tell me that you are my wife.”

“I’m your wife, James.” I tell him as lovingly as possible.

“Louder, baby.”

“I’m your wife.” I said loud and clearly. The Syverson shaped hole in my chest is gone, finally. Replaced with the warmth of knowing we were going to be able to survive this.

“Even louder, Jo.” I yell it out and he thrusts harder and deeper. “Keep going, beautiful, I want the whole neighborhood to know.”

I screamed it as he started pounding me harder, building his orgasm. As my own starts its crescendo, I screamed his name and arched my back as he pulls my hips down on himself and spilled into me. He lay down beside me, twitching and jerking a little. He kisses all the parts of my skin that is available to his reach.

“I think we should order a pizza for dinner tonight,” He says after a few minutes of catching his breath. “So we can stay in bed and make love again.”

“Or, and hear me out. I put my dress back on, you get dressed and we go out for sushi with your cum dripping down my thighs. What do you think about that?”

“Shit, I missed you being a damn freak like that. Do I we get to have more fun tonight if I say yes?” He chuckles, then kisses my hand, “I still want you to ride me with my knife pointed at me some time tonight.”  

“Aren’t you scared I’m going to cut off a nipple or something.”

“You, with a knife? To be honest, cutting off my nipple is the least of my concerns. How do I know if this just isn’t a whole plan to lure me into complacency with sex and sushi, then you just murder me in my sleep.” He rolled onto his back and whined for a second, but got up. He put on a pair of khaki shorts and a black Metallica t-shirt as I got into my dress again.

“God damn woman, you are so fucking sexy.” He tells me as he opens the door on my side of the truck and leans down to kiss me again. As I climb up he give my butt a little tap just like he used to and closes the door for me. The ache I’ve been feeling these long months has subsided. Sitting across the cab from me, holding my hand, he asks if we want to go look at travel trailers this weekend. For the first time in a while, I feel like everything is going to be alright.

[chewiedon]

REGRET | TSUGIKUNI M.

the rq didn't go exactly how it was written, but I had no idea what they were supposed to talk about, taxes?

REQUEST: Y/N has been married to Michikatsu Tsugikuni for 5 years and has lived a happy life with her 2 children and husband. One day, her husband decides to leave all 3 of them behind to join the Demon Slayers, he deeply loved Y/N however his jealousy was far stronger, and thus 2 years pass. On a cold night Y/N sits at the top a cliff near her home, with her oldest child dead due to a monster that attacked their old home at night. She wonders how her husband is doing and amidst her thinking a demon approaches ready to attack. Michikatsu kills it and reveals that he had gone back just 2 months after to discover the house reeking of blood and both his wife and offspring missing, and that he had been searching for them. He offers Y/N his haori/kimono (??) in fear that she will grow cold and they just talk.

You and your family didn’t have much money, but you were happy nonetheless. Your husband was a hard worker that took care of his and yours child, everything was perfect. Another child was due in a few short months, and both you and your eldest were ecstatic. In your point of view, but there was a growing concern in your stomach that continued to plague you the growing days. Your husband, Michikatsu’s brows seemed more furrowed lately, and his training has been frighteningly more intense. At first you didn’t mind, you were glad he was improving on the things he was passionate about! Things only seemed to go downhill from there, to the point where he’d pass out for hours on end from exhausting himself too much.

The afternoon was surprisingly quiet, your toddler sat behind you while you folded clothes. You couldn’t help but eye your husband that laid on a futon that was in the other room. He ended up passing out again after training under the hot summer sun. Before you realized it, you were staring at his unconscious state. A gaze with increasing concern.

“Okaa-chan!” A squeaky voice interrupted your focus, “I’m hungry! Let’s have lunch soon!” The child that sat behind you tugged on the fabric of the kimono.

“Ah, I’m sorry, Yuki. I’ll get some lunch going for us then, what would you like to eat?” You smiled sweetly to the child, before quickly setting the sheet that was in your hands down onto the ground.

“Rice balls! Rice balls! Rice balls!” Yuki cheered behind you, dancing as she did so.

“Shhh, you don’t want to wake Otou-san do you? Let’s let him rest,” You reminded her with a sweet tone, your smile only grew as she put her hands over her mouth.

Soon, the afternoon had come to an end and the day had gotten darker that was accompanied by an evening chill. Yuki was munching on some leftover rice crackers that she had found, enjoying the evening before it got too cold on the engawa. Heavy but quiet footsteps were heard, turning around you were met with the intense eyes of your husband.

“Michikatsu, I’m glad you’re up now. I’ll get started on dinner soon,” You said, looking up to him with a gentle smile present on your face.

He gave you a small hum of agreement before watching you scurry off into the home, leaving him alone with Yuki. Unbeknownst to you, he had a massive burden on his shoulders that was eating at him. With a soft sigh, he took a look at his daughter who stared back at him with wide eyes.

“Yuki-chan, it’s time to come inside,” Michikatsu requested, his voice monotone and dull.

The girl let out a small hum before standing and dusting off her purple kimono, then heading inside, her father following behind the girl. You could be seen starting a fire on the clay furnace that was in the kitchen. The kitchen was hardly that though, it was a small room filled with wood and sticks and a furnace. You were spaced out while looking at the straw and wood that was burning, waiting for the water set above it to start boiling.

“(Y/N)?” A rough voice took your heads out of the clouds, turning your head to look over your shoulder meeting your husbands’ intense eyes once more. “Can I talk to you?” He added.

You let out a small hum, he squatted down to your height where you were crouched close to the floor. He grabbed your face, his fingers around your jawline which forced you to look at his face. You let out a small yelp of surprise when he yanked your face closer to his, the tips of your noses mere millimeters from touching.

“I have to talk to you, it’s important.” Michikatsu said, his voice strict and filled with reason. You couldn’t do anything but clench your jaw in anticipation.

Putting your hand around his wrist to support your weight, “What is it, is something wrong?”

“No, I’m going to leave soon. Final selection is going to start the day after tomorrow. I need to surpass my brother and join the Demon Slayer Corps.” His voice wasn’t as monotone, but took a more serious approach.

You let out a small hum, your brows furrowed in frustration. “So… You’re going to leave?” It was more of a rhetorical question, because you already knew the answer.

“Yes,” His voice and expression were unwavering as he stared deep into your eyes.

“Tomorrow?” You whispered with caution, you couldn’t deny the frustration that was bubbling inside your stomach.

He nodded, and you hummed back. His grip on your jaw loosened allowing you to move and continue with what you were doing before, your husband was leaving. You didn’t want to try and stop him, you respected his wishes to leave and the last thing you wanted to do was hold him back. But… What about you? You had Yuki to take care of and you lived about an hours’ walk away from the closest village. Not to mention you were 3 months expecting another one of Michikatsu’s children. The extra workload seemed stressful, but you should be able to adjust smoothly. Demon slayers make good money if you can do it right, but money shouldn’t come at the risk of your husband's life. Not that he was doing this for money, he was doing it so he could surpass his brother, you decided to respect his wishes. You kept quiet and served him and Yuki dinner, and Michikatsu told the petite girl while she chewed on her wooden spoon.

“Eh? Go away? Where? How long?” Her eyebrow creased, tears swelling in her eyes. Yuki then started to sniffle and rubbed her eyes before her father could answer her, “I don’t want you to leave! It’s no fair!” She claimed.

“I don’t know how long it will be, but I promise to visit when I can. This is really important to me, Yuki.” He paused and waited until Yuki looked at him, “I need you to take care of your mom for me? Can I count on you?”

“Yeah… Yeah,” She was still a sobbing mess, all you could do was smile at the two.

But, why now? Why not a week prior so he could help prepare for you and your daughter instead of just leaving you high and dry. You knew as his wife it was your duty to support him, but you couldn’t help but feel a little negative.

And you had every right to.

How long ago was that? One, maybe two years ago?

You depended on Michikatsu to protect you if something like this were to happen, even though he had no way of doing so. How would he know this would happen? It’s not his fault… So why when your life flashed before your eyes you held on to your vision of Michikatsu.

There was blood, so much blood. You woke up to the blood curdling scream of your eldest daughter, a demon had sunk its teeth into her neck. You shook, and you ran. You grabbed your youngest who cried in fear from the fresh blood of his sister that was on your face.

“Hah? You think you’re going somewhere?!” It sneered at you, dropping Yuki’s lifeless body on the floor as if she was some kind of dog toy. You had your son tucked into your chest and ran as fast as your legs could manage, this unknown adrenaline kicking into your body. It only lasted so long, tripping over a larger rock and falling on your side. You felt a searing tear of the flesh in your leg, the burning sensation of the skin being ripped open. You screamed, hoping some Godsend creature would come and rescue you. Another rush of adrenaline had kicked in as you kicked the monster away with all your might, and the chase had begun once again. You forced your legs to move, you subsided all pain and resisted the urge to limp. Tears made way to your face as you had begun to cry out of fear that this demon would end up taking you and your sons’ life away. Running through the woods, no shoes or socks, you prayed. You prayed for your husband to come back before you died, you’d do anything to see his intense eyes again.

Michikatsu, why did he have to leave? No, it’s not his fault because he didn’t want to live his life in a small shack that stunk of breastmilk. He wanted to live his life. You can respect that, but not now. Your lungs began to become sore, and every part of your body felt like it was on fire. How long have you been running? Is the demon still behind you? You knew if you slowed down or stopped running you probably wouldn’t be able to start running again, you were finally out of the woods and into a big clearing. Long grass that was up to your hips bathed your figure. Your legs went from a sprint to a walk, then crashing onto the floor. Your child’s cries rang in your ears as you tried to soothe it between heavy breaths, you laid on the ground with him in your arms trying to muffle his cries with your chest. You couldn’t hear anything but the now muffled and softer cries of the child, and your own heavy breaths. Your lungs were still on fire, and your body fell completely limp. Your eyelids were beyond heavy, the stinging in your leg pulsing with more pain by the second. Your entire being was numbed from the exhaustion.

Everything was hopeless at this point, you were going to die here from blood loss or that demon is going to come and kill you both. You couldn’t go and get help, and your son was way too young to do anything like that safely.

“(Y/N)?! (Y/N)!” At this point you refused to believe your ears, you lifted your head above the grass to see a tall figure yelling out your name.

Hope swelled in your chest, as you began to recognize that tone more and more. He came. He came back. Michikatsu came back!

“Michi-” You weren’t able to speak or move as a pulse of pain spread throughout your entire body.

“(Y/N), (Y/N)! Where are you?” You raised your hand, it shook in the air as your husband ran to your limp body.

The first thing he did was hold your face to his, touching his cheeks to yours making sure you were real. He held you tightly, but not enough to hurt you.

“Is he okay? Where’s Yuki?” He lifted his head as if to look around you for the small girl.

Grief swelled in your chest, “Gone, the demon got her… I’m so sorry.” Was all you could manage to say, warm tears made their way freely down your cheeks. You whispered bitter apologies over and over to him.

He hummed, stroking the side of your face, “It’s okay, you’re alright and that’s all we need,”

He wrapped his haori around your shoulders once he noticed your shaking. Burying the remains of your eldest daughter was hard, but the hardest part was cleaning out her room where her blood stained the wooden floors. Michikatsu stayed and soothed you the entire time you were crying as you scrubbed her liquids out of the wood. He didn’t know what to do except pat your back and tell you it was going to be okay.

And that’s all you really needed.

[miracleonice87]

Thousand

a Tyler Seguin one shot

a/n: I’m back! Last week was busy for me and this one is, too, but I have three other WIPs coming up after this one within the next little bit, so stay tuned. also idk if anyone else watches One Tree Hill (I know Tyler does ���) but his family gives me major Nathan, Haley, Jamie, and Lydia Scott vibes in this one.

summary: still playing for the Stars, Tyler is recognized for his 1,000th career game and celebrates with his wife (the reader), family and team.

warnings: husband and dad Tyler being cute with his family and becoming a slightly silver fox (I think that def deserves a warning); hint of a daddy kink lollll

_____

February 22, 2025

Dallas

“Mama! Can I wear my new jersey from Uncle Jamie? Please?”

You pursed your lips, fastening the back onto your emerald earring as you looked at your five-year-old son’s reflection behind you in the mirror. You turned away from your vanity to meet him at eye level.

“Baby, you should wear Daddy’s jersey tonight,” you told him gently, rubbing his back. “We’re celebrating a really big milestone for him, so he’s gonna be recognized out on the ice, and we’re gonna be there with him, remember? I know it would mean a lot to him if you wore his jersey.”

Luca pushed his bottom lip out just a smidge, pouting just like Tyler was famous for doing. You bit your own bottom lip to hold back a laugh.

“Okay. Well, can I wear Uncle Jamie’s next game?” Luca bargained.  

You smiled at his tenacity and smoothed your hand over his crisp white dress shirt that you’d laid out for him. You put your forehead to his and assured, “Absolutely.”

Luca perked up and stood a little straighter at your promise.

“Thanks, Mama,” he said. You kissed his cheek and said, “You’re welcome, baby. Thank you for understanding.” He nodded and turned to leave the room, presumably to pull a 91 jersey from the ever-growing collection in his closet. He stopped short and turned back to look at you.

“Hey, Mama?” he began. “Hmmm?” you prompted, trying to fasten your necklace and suddenly wishing you’d had Tyler put it on you before leaving — not only was he much more capable, but the way he always kissed the nape of your neck after securing the clasp made you melt each time.

Luca paused, smiling down at his sock feet before lifting his gaze to you again.

“I’m really happy for Daddy,” Luca said with a smile so sincere it made you melt. You were such a sap for these Seguin boys.

You nodded, choking back tears. “That’s sweet, baby,” you said. “I’m really happy for him, too.”

_____

An hour later, after dressing yourself, your son, and your two-year-old daughter, you pulled into the private parking area within the gates, Luca bopping up and down in his car seat, ever anxious to get inside the arena. The moment you unloaded both kids, they took off for the door to the arena.

“Luca Paul Seguin, slow down, please!” you instructed in your best mom voice, fumbling to throw both your purse and the diaper bag over your shoulders. “Hold onto your sister’s hand, bub,” you requested.

Luca smiled brightly and turned toward Harper, extending his hand toward his toddling little sister, who took it with a giggle. You finally caught up to the two of them and scooped up your daughter as you stepped onto the elevator, headed to the front office floor. When the doors opened, you were greeted by Tom Holy, the Stars’ VP of communications who had become a close friend over the years.

“Here are the real stars of tonight’s show!” he exclaimed, clapping his hands once, making you laugh. Luca ran to him for a hug and Tom playfully dusted off Luca’s little shoulders that now donned his favorite black Seguin jersey.

“Nice jersey, Luc! Hey, I gotta tell you, though, we have something else for you and your sister to wear tonight — if you want to,” he said.

You shot Tom a warning look as he produced a black tote bag from the reception desk, telling him, “You did not.”

He gave you a wink and said, “Do you know us at all by now? Of course we did.”

Much to Luca’s delight, Tom pulled two home green jerseys from the bag, with white 91’s printed on the back and sleeves and the “A” adorning each chest. But the nameplate didn’t hold your last name — instead, it read “DADDY,” with “1,000” printed below the jersey number. Luca jumped up and down with the jersey in his hands, while Tom handed the smaller jersey for you to dress Harper in.

“And we got a little something for you, too,” he added, reaching his hand into the tote bag once more. Your eyebrows shot up, caught off guard.

“Why me?” you questioned, feeling completely undeserving.

“Because, he says it himself all the time — he wouldn’t be the person he is without you,” Tom told you earnestly. “Tonight we’re celebrating all of you.”

He handed you a small black box and you froze for a moment before he extended it further, insisting that you accept it. You slowly grasped the box and pulled it open. Inside lay a pin nearly mirroring the style of lettering on the back of the kids’ jerseys, but instead it read “Seguin - 91 - 1,000,” encrusted in diamonds and emeralds.

You covered your mouth with curled fingers, attempting to steel yourself so that the waterworks wouldn’t commence just yet. You warmed inside at the incredible kindness of the gesture, giving Tom a hug.

“Thank you, Tom,” you said softly. “You guys are always first class.” He waved you off as you retrieved the pin from its box and fastened it on the lapel of your long black blazer, paired with a lacy camisole, jeans and black heels. You propped Harper on the desk to switch out her jersey for the new one, Luca having already made his own outfit change.

_____

In the tunnel, you had Harper on your hip and held tightly to Luca’s hand to prevent him from running to the ice and interrupting warm-ups. Your kids were used to standing at the boards where they could watch the guys drill and give their dad knuckles on the glass — where he could tap his blade in front of them each time he skated past. But not tonight. They might not realize it for years to come, but tonight would be even more special than watching their dad skate in front of them.

After a few minutes, you felt a hand come to rest on your shoulder — Jim Nill’s. You smiled at him and leaned in for a hug as he greeted you warmly and gave Luca a fist bump.

“And this little one…” he added, tapping Harper’s nose lightly as she grinned up at him. “She’s gotten so big. She’s too cute — you sure she really belongs to Segs?”

You laughed and remarked, “Pretty certain, yeah. If you saw her dramatic side, or how she is with the dogs, you’d see the resemblance.” It was Jim’s turn to chuckle.

Tom sidled up next to the two of you and advised you on how the presentation would go.

“So, we’ll roll out the carpet, and you guys will head all the way down to the end. Jim and Bones will follow. Tyler will come and stand next to you guys on the ice and then we’ll do the presentations,” he instructed. “That sound okay?”

You nodded and smiled at Tom. “Yeah, it sounds great. Honestly, I’m just a little nervous about holding onto these two so none of us fall on our asses,” you half-joked.

“Well, Gramma can help with that.”

At the sound of the familiar voice behind you, you spun around and gasped, while Luca exclaimed, “You’re here!”

There stood not only Jackie, but also Paul — the two were always willing to come together for momentous occasions in their children’s lives, especially now that you and Tyler had given them the gift of grandchildren, and you were grateful. You had had no idea that they were coming, even having spoken to Jackie the day before, asking her once more if she was sure she didn’t want you to book her a flight to Dallas.

Tears welled in your eyes as you shook your head, completely at a loss for word as they flanked you. You squeezed each of them tightly and whimpered, “Does Ty know?”

Paul shook his head. “He has no clue,” he responded. Jackie added, “And the girls are up in the suite already. They wanted to watch it all up there.”

You could only shake your head repeatedly, barely having time to recover before hearing the PA announcer ask the fans to turn their attention to the ice. You dabbed the corners of your eyes with your knuckle and passed Luca duty off to Jackie, keeping a hold on Harper yourself, as Tom smiled and winked at the five of you.

“Not even a warning, Tom?” you teased, sniffling. He chuckled and squeezed your shoulder.

“No way,” he remarked. “Your reaction was priceless.” You shared another smile before you saw Rick stepping onto the green carpet near the boards.

“Here we go,” you breathed, leading your in-laws out to the ice past Rick as directed, not without him stopping you to give you a kiss on the cheek, squeeze Harper’s hand, and pat Luca on the back.

You stepped carefully along the fabric-covered frozen surface, concentrating on a beaming Tyler before you, Harper already reaching her arms out for him as he waved at her. You knew immediately that there was no point in fighting her on wanting to be held by her daddy, so as soon as you reached the end of the carpet and gave Tyler a peck, you handed her off to him, Tyler kissing her rosy cheeks.

The crowd “awww’d,” but you could only concentrate on the dumbfounded expression Tyler wore upon looking up from Harper’s “Daddy 91” jersey to smile at you before noticing his parents only a few feet behind. Rarely, if ever, left speechless, Tyler was completely in shock.

Jackie came forward to reach for Tyler, singing, “Surprise!” as she threw her arms around his neck.

“Oh, my god. I can’t believe you guys are here,” Tyler finally said, his voice shaky. Jackie kissed his cheek and pulled away to wipe tears from her eyes.

“We wouldn’t have missed this for the world, son,” Paul assured as the two men embraced.

After thanking his parents, Tyler crouched down to greet his boy — practically his own self, in miniature.

“Cool jersey, bubba,” Tyler said, glowing with pride as he nudged Luca’s chest and squeezed his hand.

“It says ‘Daddy 91’ on it!” Luca pointed out. Tyler giggled boyishly and kissed Luca’s forehead. “It sure does, doesn’t it,” he said, Luca nodding.

Tyler stood upright once more, snaking an arm around your waist as you held onto Luca’s shoulders in front of you, smoothing his hair affectionately. Tyler then noticed your new pin, running the back of his index finger over it and commenting, “Wow. This is unbelievable.” You could only nod.

“You look beautiful, baby. But what, no ‘Daddy’ jersey for you?” he asked softly with an ornery grin, making your cheeks warm as you pushed your shoulder into his chest. You shared a quiet laugh and he kissed your temple, then the PA announcer turned over the floor to Jim.

“Stars fans, you all know better than most just how much this night means to our number 91,” Jim began. “We as an organization have watched him grow, both as a person and as a player, since his fourth year in the league. We have witnessed the way he has blossomed, from an outstanding young player into a seasoned veteran. Tyler Seguin has become one of the most prominent leaders of this franchise, and I know I can speak for all of us when I say that we could not be more proud to call him a member of our family.”

The crowd cheered, so loudly that Jim had to pause, Tyler blinking back tears as he squeezed your hand tightly and nodded to the fans appreciatively. Even Harper began to clap, making Tyler laugh and kiss her sweetly, sniffling when he looked back to the crowd.

“Tyler, we thank you for the role that you have played thus far during your time as a Dallas Star, we look forward to many years and celebrations to come, and we recognize you tonight for reaching another milestone in your career in the National Hockey League — 1,000 games. We are thrilled to have your lovely wife and your beautiful family here with us tonight to celebrate you. Now I invite our captain, your dear friend, Jamie Benn, to join us and present you with gifts from your teammates, then Rick and I will proudly present you with gifts on behalf of the organization.”

You had held your emotions together decently thus far, but when Jamie glided over to you with a huge bouquet of white roses in one arm and a small gift box in the other hand, you felt tears trickle down your cheek. Jamie stopped in front of your family, greeting you first. He gently grasped your shoulder and kissed your cheek as he placed the bouquet in your arms.

“For you,” he spoke. “Love you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for him — for all of us.” You nodded, reaching up on your tiptoes to wrap your arm around his neck and whisper a thank you of your own into his ear, Jamie smiling at you tenderly when he pulled away.

“And for this guy…” Jamie began, extending the black box, which you now could see was marked with the Rolex logo, Tyler’s way as Tyler wrapped his arm around Jamie, hugging him tightly, the two of them exchanging private words of gratitude. You swiped at your tears as you watched Jamie pull back to kiss Harper’s cheek, making her squeal with delight at the attention her favorite uncle was showing her.

You all laughed, and Jamie turned his attention next to his godson. He bent at the waist to look Luca in the face, his wide grin growing even bigger. Jamie held out his fist and the two engaged in their special shake and bake handshake, Jamie ruffling Luca’s chestnut brown curls atop his head as he stood straight again.

“Love you, buddy,” Jamie told Luca, extending his hand for a low-five. Luca slapped his palm and beamed up at his beloved uncle. “Love you, too,” he confirmed, Jamie winking at him.

Next, Rick approached and presented Tyler with a gorgeous crystal award, engraved with Tyler’s name, the Stars logo, and the date and statistics from his 1,000th game against St. Louis a few nights before. Jim gifted Tyler a silver hockey stick from the Stars organization to commemorate the occasion, and Tyler thanked them both profusely, hugging them as the PA announcer asked the crowd to now look to the scoreboard for a video tribute.

This was one part of the evening you had known was coming — Tom had arranged for you and the kids to be filmed congratulating Tyler on the actual night of his 1,000th game, in the wives and girlfriends suite. You had inquired about who else was being asked to be part of the video, and Tom rattled off the names of some of Tyler’s closest friends, current and former teammates, and most respected fellow athletes — his sisters, Freddy, Derrek, Marchy, Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski, Jordan Spieth, Dak Prescott, and many of the Stars he had played with for multiple seasons all made appearances, including Jamie, who smiled at you as he skated behind you to watch.

“1,000 games. Did you ever think we’d all be here?” Jamie asked you softly as the video started, glancing Tyler’s way.

You, too, looked toward your husband, his face lifted to the Jumbotron, and you noticed the way his handsome features had only become more distinguished with age and the few grey hairs sprinkled near his ears and in his beard. He always groaned when you jokingly pointed them out, but you loved them — in your eyes, they told the story of his life as a man, his life as a hockey player, his life as a dad, his life with you. This occasion was just another chapter of Tyler’s dream come true — your dream come true.

You glanced back at Jamie and nodded, smiling. “Actually... yeah,” you answered, a hint of surprise in your tone. “I think I did.”

_____

Late that night, long after you’d put the kids to bed — with Luca having insisted on sleeping in his new jersey — you and Tyler lay cuddled up on the couch, wine glasses now empty on the end table, feet entangled on the ottoman. The gifts Tyler had received were propped on the mantle across from you, out of reach of children’s hands and dogs’ paws. Tyler kissed the top of your head, inhaling your scent deeply as you absentmindedly fiddled with the button on his loosened dress shirt collar.

“Are you happy?” you asked softly. Tyler breathed a chuckle. “I don’t think happy even begins to cover it,” he told you, smoothing his hands up and down your bare arms. “It’s more like… amazed. But it’s not even because of the 1,000th game.”

You rolled your head toward his to look up at him, meeting his gaze. “What do you mean, baby?” you asked.

He glanced at the new additions to his memorabilia collection and then back at you, the corners of his mouth twitching into a thoughtful smile.

“The ceremony was great. The best. I’ll remember that for the rest of my life,” he told you. “But what I’ll remember most is the way you looked, carrying the baby and just smiling at me walking onto the ice. And the moment I saw my parents with Luca between them.” Tyler’s voice quivered as he spoke, and you tightened your grip around his waist, laying your stomach against his to lean up and kiss his jaw. Tears shone in his eyes as he gave you a grateful look, pulling your hand to his lips to kiss your fingers.

“My career has been far better than I deserve,” Tyler added. “But what makes me the happiest is just getting to do life every day with you, and the babies. And my parents and sisters, too. I’m just really feeling blessed.”

As he sniffed, you pressed a kiss firmly to his lips and said, “Life with you is more than I could’ve ever wished for, Ty. Every day is like a celebration of the love you and I share. Everything else, like tonight — it’s just icing on the cake.” Tyler nodded, giving you one more kiss as he whispered his gratitude for you.

[twiceinadream]

Twice HC- How They Would Make Their S/O Feel Better After a Bad Day

Requested: Yup

Request: How they would make their s/o feel better after a bad day

a/u: Hey, guys! So I hope you all had a great new year and yay first post of 2021! I meant to go on a break but not posting makes me nervous so I wrote an HC for the first in over a year. I hope you guys like it, but my posts still might not be as frequent so I’m sorry about that. I love you guys!

Category: Fluff and Minor NSFW

Nayeon

Nayeon would immediately notice the far off look in your eyes the second she greeted you at the door

Your usual cheerfulness was replaced with something more solemn as your smile never reached your eyes

She would immediately go into “Mom Mode” as she sat you down on the couch, and went to make you a cup of hot cocoa

Ordering take out from your guy’s favorite restaurant while she cuddled with you on the couch

By night’s end, delivery boxes littered the coffee table as your body began to feel heavy in Nayeon’s hold, “Thanks Jagi.” She would smile as she placed a kiss on your forehead, “Anything for you, Y/N-ah.”

Jeongyeon (This is my favorite gif of her)

Jeongyeon tapped her foot against the cement as she checked her watch, you were late getting out of work. Which was strange since you always made a habit of not staying longer than you had to

Another five minutes passed before your disheveled form made its way out of the building, and your girlfriend immediately knew you had a bad day

You didn’t even need to say anything as she placed a kiss on your lips and began walking towards the park outside your work (coincidentally, the same park the two of you had your first date)

Jeongyeon would talk about practice and the rest of the girls to ease your mind off today, knowing she did her job when she saw the way your eyes lit up at the sight of your favorite ice cream stall

A bright smile eventually finding its way on your face as Jeong fed you small scoops of her ice cream. “You’re amazing Jeongie.” The sincerity in your voice made your girlfriend’s face scrunch up in “disgust”. “Sweet talker.” You chuckled at her words as you leaned into her. “Only for you.”

Momo (This is perfect because Boo’s actually in this)

Usually it was you who would be taking care of Momo when she had a bad day. But now that the roles were reversed, she was determined to make you feel as special as you made her feel

By the sound of your voice on the phone she knew today had been rough and she wanted to make it just a bit better once you got home

So she got set with making your favorite foods for dinner. Even sending you a cute photo of herself and Boo with the caption, “We can’t wait for you to come home!”

As soon as you opened the door you were hit by the different smells of the dishes Momo had made, your mood lifting slightly as the sound of paws and feet came at you as your girlfriend wrapped you in a hug and Boo circled around your feet

The Japanese girl leading you to the dining table that was scattered with all your favorite foods. A smile broke out onto your face as you felt your heart swell, bringing her in for a kiss as you hugged her tightly. “Thank you, Momoring.”

Sana (Penny for your thoughts -> What’s on your mind?)

From the way the door slammed when you came into the house, Sana could tell you were not exactly happy

Her frown deepened as you went straight for the fridge to grab a beer. It was worse than she thought, as she watched you fall back into the couch. A heavy sigh leaving your lips as you just sat there

Sana made her way next to you slowly as she noticed the way your eyebrows knitted together, “Penny for your thoughts?” You nodded, leaning into your girlfriend’s touch as she ran her fingers through your hair as you talked about your day

“Wow, I do feel better. Thanks Satang.” You whispered as you buried your face into the top of your girlfriend’s hair as she snuggled into you

“Anytime, Y/N-ah.” She whispered back, placing a kiss to the top of your hand that was intertwined with hers

Jihyo

Jihyo could sense the second you walked through the door your day had not gone well, if the fact you were missing a shoe and soaking wet didn’t give any hints

You took one look at your girlfriend before sliding down to a sitting position at the front door, hitting the back of your head as you groaned, “Never tell me, ‘You should try jogging, it’s fun!’ ever again.”

The brunette bit back a smile as she came to kneel in front of you, brushing away the hair from your eyes, “Y/N, what happened?”

You looked Jihyo in the eyes as you explained how a branch had almost fallen on you, which caused you to dive into a person’s front yard, when their sprinklers turned on and their dog came out and started chasing you, then just you thought you weren’t gonna get away you threw your shoe to distract it

Jihyo concealed her laughter with a cough as she wrapped you in a hug, “My poor baby. How could I ever make it up to you?” The teasing glint in her eyes wasn’t lost to you as you smirk. “Well, I can think of a few.”

Mina

Mina had noticed the far look in your eyes when you got home, but decided against prying when you offered to play a game with her on the new Switch you had gotten her for Christmas. An offer you rarely made which caused her to take it when she had it

Your girlfriend didn’t find it difficult to beat you, but after about the fifth time you loss Mina could see it was starting to become more personal than she thought

“Let’s take a break.” She offered, pausing the game so you would look at her. “No, it’s fine.” You insisted but Mina refused. “Something’s wrong Y/N. What happened today?”

You sighed as you revealed that the project you had been working on had fallen through and your months of hard work had pretty much gone down the drain. You sniffed hard, holding back your tears as Mina pulled you into a hug, “Oh, Y/N. You should have told me sooner, I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head, “It’s not your fault, my boss is just stupid.” Mina cupped your cheek, “The stupidest.” The Japanese girl’s words made a smile break out onto your face as you pressed a kiss to her lips.

Dahyun

Dahyun had noticed the somber look in your eyes when you had picked her up from work. Your smile replaced by a persistent frown as you pulled into the driveway

Before you could go any farther into the house Dahyun caught your wrist in her hand, “Tell me what’s wrong Y/N.” You were about to open your mouth to protest when Dahyun held a hand up, “Save it. Just come with me.”

You shrugged as you allowed your girlfriend to drag you into the living room. Before she sat you and herself down at the piano, not saying a word as she let her hands glide up and down the keys

Your eyes closed as you let the music move you, feeling your body lighten as your girlfriend concluded her concerto. “That was amazing Dahyun-ah.” A light blush colored her cheeks as she smiled, “Thanks Jagiya. My mom used to play it to me when I wasn’t feeling too good either.”

You let her words sink in as you pressed a kiss to her cheek, “You’re too good for me.” Dahyun shook her head, as she rested her head on your shoulder, “No, you just need to realize you’re worth a lot more to me than you’ll ever know.”

Chaeyoung (TW: Meantions of pet death, P/N -> Pet’s Name)

Your red eyes weren’t lost on Chaeyoung as you did your best to wipe away any stray tears that fell. The news of your family dog’s death had really hit you hard and she’d be lying if she said it hadn’t hurt her too

She had met your prized pup many times visiting your family and knew from the first few dates she had gone on with you, that your dog meant the world to you

So deciding that she was going to put what she did best to good use she went to work. Her nose buried in her sketchbook for most of the day as you left to pay your respects

It wasn’t until later that night did she see you again, a wrapped present on the table as she stayed latched to your side, “I’m so sorry about today Y/N, I know how much you loved P/N. And I made something for you.” She handed you the wrapped present, “Open it.”

You bit your lip as you pulled back the wrapping paper, gasping as you turned over the picture frame. It was a drawing of you and your dog in Chaeyoung’s style with the caption, ‘In our hearts forever.’ The sound of your tears hit the glass of the frame as you tackled your girlfriend in a hug, “I can’t thank you enough.” Chae smiled as she held you tight, “No need baby.”

Tzuyu

Tzuyu knew as soon as she had stepped into the apartment something was off. And her suspicions were only confirmed when she noticed your papers had been thrown in the trash

Following the sound of sobs to your office, pushing open the door to find you curled in on yourself in your desk chair. She quickly rushed to your side as she cupped your face, using her thumbs to brush away your tears, “Hey, Y/N. It’s okay, it’s me. I’m here. What happened?”

You sniffed hard, “I got passed up, I broke my back for the bastard and they passed up my promotion.” Tzuyu frowned, she knew how hard you had been working these past few weeks, “Oh, Y/N. God, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

You couldn’t respond as your body continued to tremble so your girlfriend opted to just hold you. Whispering sweet nothings in your ear till your breathing finally evened out. Your eyes puffy from crying as you leaned into Tzuyu’s hold

“Thank you Tzu.” Your girlfriend smiled as she placed a kiss to your forehead, “No need. I’m sure if you ever want it, we’re always looking for new managers.”

[chicgeekgirl89]

In Between the Highs and Lows, There’s You and Me

Fandom: 911 Lone Star

Characters: T.K. Strand, Carlos Reyes

Rating: T

Summary: A series of missing moments between T.K. and Carlos from episode 2x10 "With a Little Help From My Friends." Featuring: T.K. and his innuendos, Carlos as the most understanding person ever, and both of them being ridiculous and sweet.

A/N: Our boys have moved in together and I am very happy! Huge thanks to @bluenet13 who told me to just write a post-ep and not think about it too much. And who also checks my Spanish because she's a wonderful human being! Enjoy!

AO3/ff.net

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“I’m very handy?” Carlos said as soon as Owen walked out the door. “T.K. seriously?”

“Well you are,” T.K. said, a smirk all over his face as he hooked the waistline of Carlos’ pants with one finger and pulled him close.

“Yeah but in front of your dad? You might as well as have said, ‘Hey dad, my boyfriend and I had sex on that couch two days ago.’”

T.K. rolled his eyes. “He could not care less. He probably didn’t even notice.”

“Yeah well I did,” Carlos protested, though not very strongly considering the way T.K. was pressing up against him right now.

“Apologies officer, it won’t happen again.”

One look at T.K.’s face told Carlos that it absolutely would. “Tu si eres tonto,” Carlos muttered.

“But you love me anyway,” T.K. said with a grin, leaning forward and capturing Carlos’ mouth in a kiss. 

Things quickly got out of hand. Things with T.K. usually did. The kiss deepened, T.K.’s hands coming up to run through Carlos’ curls, while Carlos’ skated up and down his sides. 

When T.K. pulled away and moved to kiss Carlos’ neck, Carlos felt himself sag a little bit into his boyfriend’s embrace even as reason tried to take over. “T.K.,” he said weakly and then swallowed hard as T.K. nipped at his earlobe. “T.K. we have a lot to unpack.”

T.K. paused for a moment to look up at him, lips swollen, chest heaving, eyes full of mischief and desire. “I live here now right?”

“Yes.”

“Then it will still be here to unpack later.” T.K. said, attacking Carlos’ mouth once more, reaching for the bottom of his shirt and stripping it off over his head in between kisses. 

And Carlos gave in. Because he always gave in to T.K. Because he loved this crazy, slightly reckless, sexy man he’d chosen to share his life with.

T.K. moved Carlos backward toward the stairs and then had to catch him because Carlos stumbled over a box of what was probably more of T.K.’s shoes. The man had so. many. shoes. “See, this is why we should unpack first,” Carlos said breathlessly. “This place is a fire hazard.”

“Mmm…pretty sure I’m the former firefighter in this relationship and I think it’s fine,” T.K. said before he leaned in and whispered something so dirty in Carlos’ ear that he forgot how to breathe for a moment. 

“Well I guess the bed is unpacked,” Carlos managed as T.K. grinned, proud of how much sway he had over his boyfriend.

“See, now you’re thinking.” T.K. grabbed his hand and tugged him up the stairs. Carlos smiled that stupid, besotted smile that only T.K. could cause and let himself be pulled along. If this was what living together was going to be like, he could get used to it.

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T.K. stormed through the front door, letting it slam shut behind him as he hurled his backpack to the floor. “Whoa,” Carlos said, looking up from where he was sitting on the couch. “What’s wrong?”

T.K. bit his lip and put his hands on his hips. “My dad cancelled his fucking surgery.”

Carlos set his book down and sat forward. “What? Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know!” T.K. threw up his hands in exasperation. “I only found out because Mateo told me. Apparently the night after I moved out, the two of them got all liquored up and my dad just…confessed all these things to him. Including that he is no longer scheduled for surgery.”

T.K. paced back and forth, so agitated he could hardly see straight. “He lied to me. Again.”

“Hey,” Carlos got up and gently put his hands on T.K.’s shoulder to stop his frantic movements. “It’s going to be okay.”

T.K. looked up into his eyes, tears pricking at his own. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” he said desperately. “Carlos I—”

“It’s all right.” Carlos wrapped his arms around him and pressed his lips to his hair. “It’s all right. I’ve got you.”

They stood there for several long moments as T.K. breathed through the whirlwind of thoughts assaulting his mind. When he finally pulled back he felt calmer, but something like grief still sat heavily in his stomach. “God I swear, sometimes I wonder if he’s ever told me the truth a day in his life,” he said with a sniff, wiping at his eyes. 

“Sometimes parents aren’t very good at being parents; even when they love us,” Carlos murmured, cupping T.K.’s face gently and running a thumb over his cheek. 

T.K. closed his eyes and let his head fall against Carlos’ shoulder, Carlos’ arms tightening around him in another hug. “I just don’t get it,” T.K. said. “Any of it. Why he didn’t just schedule it in the first place. Why he didn’t tell me that he cancelled it. God, it’s like he thinks I’m always about three seconds from a bender. No matter how many times I tell him I’m good he hides things from me. First the cancer, then the baby, now this.”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s about you,” Carlos said. “I think he can’t handle his own feelings about it. So instead he hides the truth. From himself as much as you.”

The words soothed his raging spirit in the way that only Carlos could. T.K. looked up, frowning slightly. “How do you always know the right thing to say?”

“Lots of practice talking down angry suspects,” Carlos said, cupping the back of his neck and pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. “Come on. I made bolognese. You’ll feel better after you eat.”

Carlos started to walk away but T.K. caught his hand and pulled him back, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “Thank you,” he said.

Carlos smiled and brushed a hand over his cheek. “We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

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T.K. leaned his head back in the passenger seat a sigh escaping him. Carlos looked at him tentatively from the driver’s seat. “Are you sure you want to leave like this?” he asked.

T.K. blew out a breath. “No. What I want is for him to see what a freaking idiot he’s being and how much the whole team cares about him so that he reschedules the stupid fucking surgery and we can be done with this.” He shook his head. “But he’s too god damn stubborn for that so we may as well go home.”

Carlos turned the car on and they drove home in near silence. He could practically feel the anger and confusion and sadness pouring off of T.K., but the best he could offer was a hand to hold at red lights.

“I think I need some time by myself,” T.K. said when they got home, defeat in every line of his face, the heavy sag of his shoulders.

“Okay,” Carlos said. “I’m here if you want to talk.”

“Thanks.”

When Carlos had first met the Strands he’d been envious; they seemed so close. Weird for sure, but a tight knit unit, the way a family should be. Nothing like the awkwardness he’d felt for so long around his own parents; constantly worrying that he would slip up and say something that would cause them to push him out of their lives putting a strain on their relationship.

But the more he saw of Owen Strand and the more T.K. revealed about his past, the more Carlos saw the cracks. T.K.’s constant need to please, his tendency to shut others out, all brought on by the emotional loss of his dad at such a young age. And the way Owen tried not to bother T.K., not to involve him in any of the more sordid details of his own life, to pretend that everything was a-okay at all time, probably as a result of his own regrets and guilt over T.K.’s choice of coping mechanisms in pills and booze. 

They loved hard, but it was a broken love.

He heard the shower turn on as he checked his email and then busied himself with tidying up the kitchen and living room. They still hadn’t found a home for everything of T.K.’s so he did a little sorting and rearranging, but it was mostly him just trying to keep his hands busy so that he could pretend to ignore the gnawing worry in his gut about his boyfriend.

When an hour and a half passed and T.K. still hadn’t reappeared Carlos started to get concerned. He didn’t want to cross any boundaries, but he was also conscious of how T.K. tended to shut down when upset.

“T.K.?” he called as he walked up the stairs.

There was no response and it caused Carlos’ heart to beat faster as he reached the top and walked down the short hallway to their bedroom.

T.K. was sitting on the floor next to the bed, knees drawn up to his chest, hands covering his face. “Hey,” Carlos dropped beside him so they were shoulder to shoulder, wrapping an arm around T.K.’s shoulders, his other hand coming to rest on T.K.’s knee. “Talk to me.”

T.K. took a shaky breath and leaned heavily into Carlos’ side. “I shouldn’t have left him. This was a mistake. I should have seen it. All the signs were there and I missed them. It took Mateo one night to figure it out.”

“T.K. he didn’t tell you. Did he give you any indication when you suggested moving out that he was upset about it?”

“No. No he was supportive and happy for me. But I should have known that he couldn’t handle it on his own. Heck the last time he got bad news he moved us across the country. My mom leaving…it’s tearing him up. And then I left him too, all alone in that house without anybody but a dog for company.”

Carlos sat with him quietly for a moment. “T.K. what do you want?”

T.K. looked up at him confused. “What do you mean?”

“Do you want to go back and live with him? Because if you do, that won’t change anything for us.”

“No. God, no I…” he swallowed. “I want to be here with you.”

“Your dad is a grown man, T.K. His feelings are not your responsibility or your fault. If he’s struggling, he needs to be strong enough to get some help. Just like you did.”

T.K. blew out a breath. “It’s crazy how he thinks that telling me things will make me fall off the wagon when really it’s him not telling me stuff that drives me to the edge.”

“Do you need me to take your wallet and keys tonight?” Carlos asked quietly.

T.K. shook his head. “No. No I’m okay. I…being here with you is enough.”

“He’s going to get through this,” Carlos told him. “Your dad is a good person. And smart. He’s going to figure it out. And I’m with you every step of the way, whatever that looks like.”

T.K. looked up at him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He nudged T.K.’s shoulder. “You know what would help distract you right now?”

“What?”

“Dealing with all these boxes we never unpacked because someone insisted on having move-in sex.”

“Or,” T.K. countered. “We could have ‘my dad is making stupid life choices and I’m upset about it sex’ instead.”

Carlos wrinkled his nose and laughed. “Yeah. As much as I love having sex with you, I don’t think either of us should be interested in that kind. Come on.”  He pulled T.K. to his feet. “Someone has to figure out where to put Marlon Blendo.”

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A/N: I swear it did occur to me until many hours after I wrote this that talking about things being a fire hazard in the condo is...very foreboding considering what's coming in a couple weeks. Ah well! Also I have a personal head canon that Carlos is a big reader, so that will likely be making appearances in future fics.

[abarbaricyalp]

Idk if you are still taking prompts, but you know the vine two dudes chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause they're not gay, and a girl quoting it in a park about two girls in the distance and one of them hearing and going "Actually I am gay" Like that scenario, only involving them fixing the boat? Maybe Sarah quoting it to give Sam shit when she thinks Bucky cant hear and Bucky goes "Wait, no I'm gay" or something, or just the general gist of that. Sorry if this us too specific, I've never sent anyone a prompt before :P

Hello Friend! Thank you so much for sending anything in at all! I know the vine you're talking about, but I couldn't find it on Youtube. (I did find a two day rabbit hole of old compilations though) This was also my first foray into writing Sarah as a fully fleshed character! I was excited to get the practice 'cause I had an idea bouncing around in my head about her and Bucky talking after he wakes up in the Wilson house. I kept her a little more like she had been in my other fics pre-show here. I so wish we got a little more of her!

Feel free, anyone, to send me Sambucky prompts!

The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation

Sarah Wilson loved her brother deeply. The kind of soul crushing love that could only be formed through family, loss, and approximately four thousand brawls around the living room throughout their life. She looked up to her brother more than she could ever imagine looking up to anyone. Even when they were fighting or picking on each other, she couldn’t help but feel a swell in her chest when he came into her line of sight.

That didn’t mean she understood him. In fact, from the age of eight, watching her brother interact with the world had become her go-to pastime. Why did he have to roll every pea around the plate individually before eating them? Why did he and his friends spend seven years socking each other in the arm to prove friendship? Why did he talk to himself in the mirror, even when he knew Sarah or someone else was standing in the doorway?

Sam Wilson was just deeply weird. She had no idea how he had tricked the Avengers, a plethora of bad guys, and half of the media world into thinking he was remotely cool. She saw a news story once that had King T’Challa standing on a platform with Sam and the newscasters talked about how impressive Sam’s suit was. It was unnatural, the effect he had on people.

And in all her years, she never thought she’d see anyone weirder than Sam. But then James Barnes had showed up. It was like a complete reversal of Sam. Sarah was taken in for approximately three hours by his charm and face before she realized he too was deeply, deeply weird.

She justified sitting on the edge of the Paul and Darlene, watching her brother and James Barnes spar off about some dumb trivia fact, by deciding it was an anthropological expedition. The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation. She watched Sam watch Barnes take a long pull off his beer. She watched Barnes kick his feet up near Sam’s legs and then draw them back quickly when a current jolted the boat. She watched Barnes’ fingers tap-tap-tap against the edge of the boat, inching closer to Sam’s shoulder before he chickened out and brought his hand back to his own lap. She watched Sam suggest Bucky take his jacket off, ‘unless you plan on sun blinding me with the robocop arm.’ She watched Sam look away when Barnes did shrug his jacket off.

When she was seventeen and Sam was fifteen, she had found Sam crying in his room, pillow pressed to his face to muffle the noise. They were at the age where going into each other’s rooms uninvited started international conflicts, but Sarah, who watched her brother intently, felt like she knew what was going on. So she let herself in through their Jack-and-Jill bathroom and shut the door behind her.

Sam didn’t stop crying, not even to yell at her to get out, so she sat on the end of his bed and rolled a baseball under her foot for a while. Finally, she’d said, “You don’t have to tell Mom and Dad, y’know.”

Sam had just about wailed and bit the corner of his pillow to stop himself.

“That’s gross, stop it,” Sarah ordered and pushed Sam’s shoulder back enough to yank his pillow free and then reached over to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “I should make you do the laundry this week so I know I’m not touching your snot germs,” she teased softly.

“How did you know?” Sam hiccuped out. Tears were still brimming at his eyes, but they didn’t fall.

“I’m your older sister. I made you. Like a doll. You think there’s something about you that I don’t know?” she joked. And when the tears did spill over his long lashes, she sighed and pulled him closer to her side. “I just know the way you interact with that boy from the basketball team ain’t just friendly.”

“Jesus, do you think he can tell?” Sam asked and she could hear the mortification in his voice.

“Sam, he’s a freshman in high school. The only thing he knows is that he’s scared of everything too. No one’s paying that much attention to you.”

“Screw you,” Sam muttered.

“What’re all these tears for you if you didn’t make a move and get shot down?”

“God, Sarah, can you not say things like that?”

“Watch your mouth,” Sarah warned with no heat in her voice. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. I’m not leaving until you do.”

“I just…” Sam sat up and worked his jaw for a while. His chin dimpled and his eyes watered but he managed to control himself. “I’m scared, Sarah. I’m scared of never being in love. Of having to leave if I am. I’m scared to say something and I’m scared not to say something. I’m so scared of...losing any of it.”

“Sam,” Sarah sighed and pulled Sam into another hug. “You’re fifteen. You’re not supposed to be in love yet. You don’t have to think about any of that. You just have to focus on passing Geometry, alright? Mom’ll whoop your ass more for failing than anything else.”

“I have a B+, that’s not failing!” Sam snapped. He kept his face against her shoulder for a second long before he sat up and wiped his tears away. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Who am I gonna tell? I told you, my friends don’t like you as much as you think they do.”

“Your friends like me more than they like you,” Sam shot back and he almost sounded normal.

Sarah smiled softly and patted Sam’s cheek. “I won’t tell Mom or Dad. Of course not. That’s for you to do. But--”

“I’m always going to tell them when you sneak out the window.”

“No! Sam! You can’t! You owe me now!”

“Going to field parties is not the same thing!” Sam said in a shriek as Sarah leaned over to pinch his sides. They grappled for a second before Sam managed to push Sarah off the bed.

“You owe me,” she reminded him as she walked back to the bathroom.

Sam wiped his eyes again and nodded. “Sure, Sarah. I do.”

Sam almost had the same look on his face now. Like there was something he wanted to reach for that he thought was too impossible to hold. The Older Sister Instinct to Antagonize into a Solution kicked in.

“Two bros, chilling on a boat, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay,” she sing-songed. Sam looked mortified again but masked his face into something more irritated with a roll of his eyes when Barnes looked over at him.

“Ignore her. It’s this old video--” Sam started.

But Bucky interrupted to say, “Actually I am gay,” as he looked back over at Sarah. “Sorry if I got your hopes up,” he added with a grin that really did get the hopes up.

“What?” Sam asked and Sarah, ever watchful, could see the beer bottle shaking in his hand.

“What?” Bucky repeated innocently.

“He said he’s gay,” Sarah clarified.

“Thank you, Sarah,” Sam ground out. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Bucky snorted. “When would I have said anything? ‘Sorry for ripping your wings off and kicking you off of a hellicarrier, by the way I’m gay.’?”

“You did what?” Sarah asked.

“‘Sorry for claiming I didn’t bomb the UN only to be reverted back to the assassin who would have done that and then fighting you again. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Thanks for saving my life. Sorry about the giant undersea prison. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘There’s an imminent battle with weird ass space dogs that want to eat our faces. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Sorry about Tony Stark, whose life I kind of ruined. Lovely funeral. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘I’m in the middle of being pissed at you about the Shield. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Maybe don’t take me rolling through a field of flowers. It does things to me ‘cause I’m gay.’ ‘John Walker’s fucking insane. I’m gay, but definitely not for this bullshit.’ I mean, come on, Sam.”

“Flowers?” Sarah asked.

“Besides, why would you care? I don’t make it a habit of telling straight guys I’m into guys.”

“You don’t seem to make a habit of telling many people that,” Sarah pointed out. “I googled you. Nothing suggesting that came up.”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m a guy from the 30s. It was trained out of me.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Sarah said quickly. “Back up away from that because we’re not gonna try to Oppression Olympics our way through our histories. Did you just say Sam was straight?”

“Sarah!” Sam hissed.

“Sure. I mean, I saw him with Romanov. Hill. He has Tinder on his phone.”

“Samuel Thomas, you better not,” Sarah warned lightly. “You’re better than that.”

“He’s a lady-killer.”

Sarah snorted and had to bring her hand up to her face. “He definitely is not. There has been no lady-killing on his end for a long time.”

“Sarah!” Sam tried again.

“You explain it to him then. Mr. 30s is gonna need the long way round explanation.”

Sam sighed and dragged his hand over his face. “Dammit. Fine. I’m not straight either, alright? I’m...bi, or something. It’s been a while since I’ve had to think about it.”

“What?” Bucky asked, not unlike Sam had.

“He said he’s bisexual. Interested in both parties. Swings either way. Hit a homerun and then hasn’t really swung since.”

“Sarah, Jesus Christ,” Sam groaned.

“What?” Bucky asked again.

“I was engaged. To a man,” Sam said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky asked, clearly missing the irony.

“Oh, it was inconvenient for you but I had plenty of opportunities, huh?” Sam asked. “Ms. Tell-It-All over there wasn’t joking. I haven’t swung any direction in a while. Not since before I met Steve. My fiance died. And then it never came up.”

Bucky blinked at Sam. He kept bringing the bottle halfway up his body and then setting it back on his leg without ever taking a drink. “Fuck, Sam, I’m sorry,” Bucky said, which was not what Sarah was expecting and it clearly wasn’t what Sam was expecting because Sam finally moved closer to Bucky on the bench.

“What for? You didn’t do anything. This time.”

“Yeah, but if I’d known you were into me too, I woulda kissed you in Germany.”

“Oh, I am so not into you,” Sam denied. “And I wouldn’t have our first kiss ruined by immediately running into the government’s roving show monkey.”

“That’s the worst,” Bucky agreed and also finally moved over on the bench until they were pressed thigh to thigh. “Tell me how much you don’t like me again,” he challenged.

“I can’t stand you,” Sam answered and brought his hand up to Bucky’s jaw.

Sarah couldn’t fight down the grin that came to her face and turned to prop her feet on the pier, back to Sam and Bucky. Just this once, she didn’t need to watch her brother to understand him.

Read on AO3 here!