#I know putting yourself out there is really really insanely hard and scary but if your reaction is to call me stupid

[kooeater]

gun | JJK

Jungkook x reader

smut | fluff

warnings: mentions of guns, weed smoking, unprotected sex, oral (f receving) cowgirl, riding, nipple piercings, slight nipple play, fluffy cute end, slight coquette reader, dirty talk, switch jk + reader

"What the fuck is this?! why is there a gun on your nightstand?!" Jungkook never held a gun before, the one in his hand was slightly shaking from his nerves. Guns were scary as hell to him, one of the worst things to just have laying around in his opinion.

He doesn't really care if he looks like a bitch crying about a gun while his now soft cock is hanging out. Finding a gun on his coworker's nightstand after sex wasn't on his to do list but he can write it down and cross it out now.

"For protection? What else would I have a gun silly." the way you're giggling as you take a hit from your joint with no care in the world kind of scares him.

"Well, if you're going to have a gun shouldn't you get lessons for it first? Just common sense of course." he says before he puts on his grey sweatpants that just shows he wants to fuck again which is great because so do you.

"Baby, I know how to use a gun." you roll your eyes as you look in the mirror, you looked so hot.

The joint in your hand, white panties with a cute lace bow in the front, boobs just hanging out freely, your lacy socks and pink ribbon bows in your hair. You can totally get why a hot babe like Jungkook would beg to hit.

(Jungkook was your boss, the owner and best tattoo artist of the most famous tattoo shop in the city. He knew you in high school for a bit until he dropped out to work on his business. Luckily for him business is going so fucking great. He hired you as the shop's main piercer since you defiantly had a good talent with the needle. You had all your tattoos done by Jungkook and he had all his piercings done by you, you two trust each other like that. Oh, and also, you two fuck. )

It wasn't long until you found yourself on your bed again, legs wide open as his head is in between your thighs. You weren't a big squirting girl, however Jungkook goes insane with that mouth and 2 fingers motion. His mouth sucking on your pink pearly clit as 2 of his tattooed fingers slide in and out of your tight hole had your thighs shaking, your liquid slicking down his fingers and chin.

"Fuck Koo ~ so fucking good yes, don't stop I'm going to cum all over your pretty face." your moans were like angels singing in his ears.

He was eating you out like he hasn't ate anything in ages, your pussy had so much impact on that man it's insane. Your pussy wasn't the only thing he was obsessed with, you in general. The way he's eating your pussy is the way he wants to eat you whole. His fingers slam into you hard and fast, they start to hit this sweet spot inside of you making you let out this moan you never even heard yourself let out.

"You gonna squirt on my face and fingers baby? Go ahead, make a mess on my face." his words were so sexy, and he really wanted you to squirt all over his face. He never had a girl squirt before, he wanted you to be the first and only.

It wasn't long until you found yourself screaming and pulling on his hair, his tongue deep inside your gummy like walls, thighs wrapped around his head as you push his nose closer to rub on your clit for that push to your climax.

You squirted all over his face just like he wanted you to. The slurping sounds that were coming from him drove you insane. He wants you so bad he's going as far as drinking up every liquid you release.

Before Jungkook can say anything, you hop on his lap, so his semi hard member is rubbing against your upper inner thigh.

"Let me ride it until I cream." is all you say before sinking down on his long thick length.

You raise your hips up and down his cock both you and him let out sounds of pure pleasure. Jungkook looks down at the base of his cock and rams upward into you a bit as he can see a ring of your cream around him. Before you can say anything about how good you're making him feel, you start to move up and down on his cock like you were at a rodeo.

" 's feels so fucking good. No one makes this pussy as messy as your cock does." moaning out loud with no care in the world you were.

His tattooed hands reach for your ass, squeezing them as you got on your tippy toes and started going back and forth on his member. Your ass makes contact with his thighs as you eagerly hop up and down and side by side. The energy you got when he was inside you was unmatched, not even energy drinks can have that impact on you.

"Fucking hell, yeah ride it just like that baby" his whimpers and moans send vibrations straight to your clit that was rubbing up and down on his lower abdomen.

His tip was going insane inside of you, unforgivingly abusing your g spot so good you feel like you're about to let out the loudest scream known to mankind. Your boobs were also so huge and squishy you weren't surprised when Jungkook started to grope them like stress balls. He played with your tits and that didn't faze the speed of your riding until that little shit decided to wrap his lips around your pierced nipples, humming on the piercing bars so they can vibrate while his lips sucked around them.

" 'm going to cum Jungkook I'm going to cum!" that was always his favorite line that would come out of your mouth.

The way your gummy like walls squeeze around his quivering member told him everything he needed to know. Jungkook quickly started to thrust up inside of you, making sure that your tight walls feel every vein and ridge of his cock going up and down them. The pleasure was too much that your body goes kind of limp, your hands going to grip on his shoulders as he fucks up into you like you're his last fuck.

"Cum all over this cock baby, I'll fill you up with my kids' baby hm? You'll like that won't you?" his cocky taunting voice did nothing but help bring yourself to your climax. You chanted little "yeses" as you creamed all around his cock, His head tilted back as he shot his cum deep inside your womb.

Both yours and his climaxes got so intense not one word was spoken for a good 3 minutes. You lay on his body, your body slightly jerking up and down as his chest moves from his deep breaths.

While you were drifting to sleep on his body, Jungkook kept thinking about his future. He saw a new big, nice house he'd buy from his tattoo shop that is so famous at the moment, he saw a mini-Jeon coloring in his tattoos as he tries to take a nap after a long day at work. He saw a woman, at first, he thought it was his mother but no, it was you. You were a part of his future; you were smiling happily at the sight of your son and your husband cuddling together. You would come home early from piercing shifts at the shop to surprise your son from daycare, then take him out early so he can go see daddy at work. He smiled at the visions he had and opened his eyes to you staring at him with tired eyes.

"What were you thinking about? Come on tell me tell me tell me!" you pinch his cheeks, fully aware how annoying you were being.

"Thinking of you, of us. I'm going to marry you, you know? We're going to have a son together and a beautiful big house." he looks at how you smile at his words, making him smile as well. "We're going to be in the deepest of love, I promise."

"Well, Jungkook, first you should ask me on a date. Maybe we'll move in together, expand the shop, then we can get married, and you can get me pregnant if you haven't already. Sounds fun honestly."

the more that you think about it, the more you want it to happen.

"Looks like we'll have to get rid of this gun then. Since you know, can't be safe around our future son." he chuckles out as he holds you close, pointing at your nightstand where the gun was at.

"Of course, Why would I need a gun for protection if I'm going to have you in my life forever?"

-

-

-

an: hii guys omg I worked hard on this fic don't let it flop lmao. I hope you guys enjoy this and YES this is inspired by the song "gun" by Doja cat pls the song is so so good make sure to listen to it !! Like and follow if u feel like it 🤍🎀

- belle 🌸

[actual-changeling]

i feel like all my meta posts just clicked and solved a puzzle in my brain. however i am also currently upping my sleep med dosage so if any of this sounds like the incoherent rambles of a mad man it's cause i am. incoherent and insane and rambling that is. (not a man)

but i have to write this post since i had a lightbulb realization moment.

because the thing is, besties, that aziraphale is a fucking horrible liar. he gets nervous and fidgety, he stutters, you can SEE him sweating anxiety. just look at him in the bookshop when the archangels inquire about their not-so-little 25 lazarii miracle.

his best "lies" are when he is actually telling the truth but twisted. he has never been a good liar (see job) and that has not changed in six thousand years. all smiles directed at archangels are visibly wrong, his discomfort is tangible.

whenever he panics it is written across his face clear as day, including, and this is the important bit, when he is talking to the metatron.

now, you are wondering why exactly that matters, and the point is something we have all talked and thought about for ages but my brain just. formed some new neural pathways.

because he is a terrible liar, he is horrible at hiding his emotions.

but you know who isn't?

crowley.

unless you know him, it is very hard to read his facial expressions with his glasses on. he can turn his emotions "off", he can put a wall in front of them and by extension around himself.

i talked about it more in this post, so for background info have a look at it (if you want to)

it's crowley's thing yet there is one moment, one, glorious moment in which aziraphale executes it perfectly. and that moment mirrors crowley putting on his glasses, it is aziraphale attempting to hide away all of his feelings and thoughts so no one can tell what he is really thinking.

the parallels besties. the fucking parallels.

what really sells it to me is that last comparison because it matches too well to not be intentional. honestly, after the sink story i think every little thing in this show is done on purpose and with attention to detail, so.

the empty look, the heartbreak, the pain - the realization. this is it. i am not walking away from this unharmed but i am walking away. or rather into the loneliness, the absence of the person i love.

for aziraphale also the realization that the world is about the get fucked and he is not.

after that we have the inhale of courage. taking a deep breath to calm yourself, to find your way back to your body. a kind of preparation we have all done at one point or another.

the mask slides into place. or at least you want it to slide into place, you are trying to fucking jam it into the spot you need it to be but sometimes it's like trying to push the square peg through the round hole.

it's a disconnect, it's putting up a physical and emotional wall. crowley does it to hide away from aziraphale.

aziraphale does it hide from heaven and the metatron, yes, but he does it to hide from himself. at his core, aziraphale compartmentalizes. he is so fucking good at cognitive dissonance it's scary, and that's what happens here.

he knows, he KNOWS, that he needs to lock up his feelings or he won't be able to get into that fucking lift and do what he thinks he needs to do.

and so he walks away from crowley just like crowley walked away from him, copying him and doing exactly what he has seen him do a thousand times: putting up wall after wall after wall. ripping out every sprout of vulnerability before it can bloom.

except that he stopped doing it after the no-pocalypse, and that is why it hurts so fucking badly when he puts his glasses back on.

he is not ripping out a sprout, he is uprooting an entire fucking tree

aziraphale cannot hide behind sunglasses by crowley so he hides underneath an angelic persona, the person he thinks he should be, needs to be, and the problem is that whenever he slips into that role, it becomes him.

getting crowley to take off his glasses again is going to be a herculean task and the same goes for getting aziraphale to drop his act. they're one and the same in shape and origin and purpose but they are not indestructible.

because listen. all of this is painful and it hurts. it really is.

the fun part, however, is the fact that we know exactly what it takes to destroy that barrier, we have seen it happen to crowley before.

my point is that we are missing the parallel for said destruction.

[thehighladywrites]

𝖠𝖢𝖮𝖳𝖠𝖱 𝗆𝖾𝗇 𝗑 𝗁𝗒𝗉𝖾𝗋𝖿𝖾𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗂𝗇𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋, 𝖧𝖢’𝖲

summary: being girly in a world full of haters can be hard sometimes! I mean, people hate all the time. but these males don’t let any disrespect towards you slide. They protect you through and through 👀

warnings: fluff, tw:beron😒

amara’s note: this went from being an azriel fic, to rhys and azriel, to batboys, to batboys+lucien and finally all of them. Honestly idc bc i love all of them🤭🤭

Rhysand

Fashion bf x barbie doll gf

I can’t think of anything more cuter than being his doll.

The man does everything for you,

Picking out materials for dresses, designing them for you, working with a private seamstress to bring his visions to life

He knows you best and always supplies the cutest, girliest outfits ever

This man is so attentive and caring, he doesn’t even have to ask what you want to wear, he just knows. It’s like you share a brain

Rhys absolutely loves it when you ask for his advice on hairstyles and fashion choices. He literally goes into designer mode and fixes you up reaaaal nice

When you guys are in the Hewn City, you don’t care, you still wear your pink girly clothes bc who’s gonna say anything to the high lady?

Sparkly accessories, high heels, pretty makeup and cute hairstyles is your trademark.

Rhys loves that you are super girly, he likes the dynamic of him being dark and mysterious and you being bright and bubbly

He protects you like crazy, no one is even managing to say something insulting to you bc rhys takes care or it before the sentence even forms in their mind

Cassian

brooding bf x sunshine gf

This combo is top tier

At first, Cassian might've thought you were a bit too cheery and too involved in yourself. I mean, who else has a massive stash of fragrances, lotions, sparkly jewels, clothes, tons of bags, and enough shoes to fill a closet?

Also, who in the world is that insanely cheerful? There are a million things to focus on, and you're there pondering over matching shades of pink and which bag to wear for the day.

He tries to keep his distance, but you're so inviting and warm that he just melts and falls head over heels in love.

Cassian also falls in love with how much you care for yourself and how adorable you look every single day.

You notice how you’re always seeing him always in plain, simple athleisure or leather. So, you take matters into your own hands and whisk him away for a shopping spree, upgrading his entire wardrobe. Despite his potential, he's been stuck in a rut of black, plain, and boring clothes, and you're determined to change that.

After just a few weeks of being together, this guy has a full-on skincare routine, knows how to coordinate outfits flawlessly so he looks very put together and handsome

He has even mastered the art of silky-smooth hair thanks to you. You've truly leveled him up in every way.

Everyone can't help but notice how much more refreshed and attractive Cassian looks, and it's making you second-guess your decision to help him level up because now, people are hitting on him even more.

Azriel

Scary bf x shy gf

Top tier combo again

No one really knows how such polar opposites ended up together, but suppose they do say opposites attract.

Azriel is stoic around everyone who isn’t the direct inner circle. He lets loose around his found family but even more so around you

Really, he is super comfortable and funny when you’re alone

Azriel notices how soft spoken and kind hearted you are very early on

He is very attentive and your style is actually first thing he notices

The frilly skirts, cute tops, styled hair, cutesy nails and an aura that screamed femininity

He considers his daggers as accessories while you wear cute headbands and ribbons in your hair

Azriel’s fav activity is watching you get ready for anything, whether it be for bed, an event, in the mornings or date nights

He just adores watching your moves, how much effort you put in, the different techniques you use and how you pamper yourself

Pride fills him when he sees how relaxed and put together you feel and look. There is nothing he likes more than seeing you happy with yourself

I also believe az can be traditional and likes the dynamic of having a girly girl mate, or you being all feminine and sweet while he is more masculine and protective

Bro let’s actually talk about protection

No one, I mean absolutely no one, insults you and gets away with it. No matter how snarky the comment, Azriel deals with it.

You’re not as confrontational as him and often hide behind his wings and that makes him even more protective if possible

You always calm him down when someone says something, and he listens to you. If you don't want him to deal with it then and there, he won't ever confront someone in front of you.

Azriel just handles it later, putting fear into people for even daring to approach you.

He wouldn’t do anything remotely scary or frightening in fromt of you. Azriel keeps his work and personal life separate, especially from you

Az couldn’t dream of accidentally putting you in danger, so he never, EVER drags you into his work

You’re not stupid, you know the toll his work takes on him so you are there for him without being too involved, you know how to cheer him up from whatever he is doing behind closed doors

Eris

Arrogant bf x dark feminine gf

Power couple through and through

Eris is canonically extremely well dressed and that makes this dynamic so special

Eris adores splurging on his seamstresses to create matching outfits for both of you.

Best dressed couple in Prythian, hands down

You two are fashion icons, inspiring countless people. People look up to you as their inspiration. Established luxury brands pay you handsomely to flaunt their designs at balls, where all eyes are on you.

Speaking of matching, y’all have matching smirks and cunning mind, and since you’re mates, you have a way of communicating and plotting without anyone knowing

Before, while B*ron🤢 was alive, Eris was ridiculed for having soft hands, clean nails, and good hygiene, which always disgusted him. Why was being clean looked down upon? It disgusted him, knowing that people purposely rather be dirty than clean

Everything got better when you came around and his father passed away. Finally, he had someone who didn't judge him, someone who actually encouraged him to look his best.

You often sit in his lap, plucking his eyebrows as he wears a face mask, his hair pushed back by a cute alien headband.

You often also get manicures, and at first, Eris was like, "This is where I draw the line." But when you suggested just a clear coat and cleaning the nails, he went along with it.

No one knows though. That's the only compromise; I mean, he's still the High Lord, and people can't know he gets manicures. He'd be ridiculed for some stupid macho reason.

Anyways, when it comes to protecting you, no one does it better than him. Not only will he destroy the person with his words but he will blackmail and psychologically torture them. It might seem mean but that’s the price of people not properly respecting their High Lady

Lucien

calm bf x hyper and outspoken gf

you are an absolute sweetheart, there is no one that hates you in the slightest.

In this scenario, I think you're known for rescuing stray animals. It's not like collecting Pokémon cards; instead, you're the person who steps up when there's a stray kitten in need of care.

You definitely live in a cute cottage in the woods with him, not worrying about anything with him there

Your house is an explosion of adorable decor, with pink accents everywhere you look. It's filled with super cute and girly decorations in every corner.

When you start dating Lucien, he notices how hyper you are and how you juggle multiple tasks at once.

Lucien is like your calming anchor, keeping your energy balanced and the vibes serene.

One of your biggest hyperfixations is clothes. Whether it's dresses, coats, pants, shoes, fabrics, or makeup, anything feminine is right up your alley.

And Lucien makes sure you don't overexert yourself, always looking out for your well-being.

Since you're so hyper, you're sometimes loud in certain moments. It really hurts when people tell you to shut up and calm down.

lucien doesn’t let it slide tho

This man defends you however he deems necessary, whether it's with his words or hands.

Just know, he always has your back, no matter what.

No one is suffocating your light and energy if he has anything to do with it.

[linos-luna]

I really like your chanchang post! Can you make their reaction to the fact that the reader ran away?

Your wish is by command ✌️

———————————————————————

Our Doll (Pt. 2) ❣️🔪

Yandere!Chan x Fem!Reader x Yandere!Changbin

(Pt. 1) (Pt. 2) (Pt. 3)

Warnings: yandere! Kidnapping, smut, handjob, fingering, choking, noncon kissing

———————————————————————

Friends to the end right? Even when there’s a girl in the picture. How about a girl to mutually obsess over? Perhaps even better!

They were successful in kidnapping you. It’s been a few days and you were desperate to escape.

The past few days have been plagued with obsessive rants and admissions of love along with some unwanted romantic advances. They were insane. Crazy obsessed and messed in the head. How could they act like this is normal.

They called you babygirl or doll. Heck, they very much treated you like one. Changbin loved dressing you up and tucking you into bed. He was gentle except when he wasn’t. In fact, he was quite scary when mad or frustrated.

Chan, on the other hand, was more calm and collected. But it was still unsettling on how he was the mastermind here. He was a dominating personality. One look at his friend and Changbin would stop. He’d roughly manhandle you and force feed you so that you’re “healthy.”

You needed to get out. This will only get worse.

~~~~~~~

“Please, my little doll. Just let me do it~”

You shook your head as Chan wasn’t letting up on you. He wanted your consent. He wants to show you his love.

He had you pinned to the bed, kissing at your neck and to your collar bone as he rubbed you over your panties. It wasn’t something you wanted but your body didn’t care. You were getting increasingly wet.

Chan was frustrated as you kept turning your head when he tried kissing your lips.

“Stop moving.” He said sternly while putting his hand to your throat.

You only stayed still when he squeezed lightly. Tears streamed down your cheeks as he squeezed harder, indicating that he wanted you to kiss back. So you did.

“So you do love me.” Chan said with a smirk as he slowly slipped his fingers under your panties to rub your clit, only stopping when you grabbed his wrist.

“Oh darling…” he said between kisses. “I would absolutely destroy you. I’d love you so hard that you’d be begging for more…”

You had no words. Only holding in moans as he went back to rubbing the wet spot over your panties.

————————— ❣️

Often times, Changbin would be in bed with you before Chan. The older one was always up late and would join you two later.

Changbin fell asleep fairly quick, his arms hugging you from behind. Big spoon yes, but with a tight grip. You could barely move… or breathe.

“Ch-Changbin—…” you said in a loud whisper. “Changbin…”

He groaned, only slightly opening his eyes.

“I-I-… I can’t breathe…” you said awkwardly.

“I’m not letting go…” he said with a sigh while trying to sleep again.

So you had an idea.

It’s obvious that Chan is the one in charge here. He’s the more dominant person while Changbin… well he’s a follower. A submissive. Surely he’s easier to manipulate…

“B-Binnie…”

“What is it, doll?” He replied, still half asleep.

“H-how am I supposed to play with you if… if you’re holding on so tight…?”

“Play?” He whispered back.

“Mmhm… p-play with you…” you nodded while trying to feel around for his boxers. It was hard to move your arm but you managed to find the crotch of his pants. “Pleeeease~”

You had more of a loud whisper, knowing that if Chan heard anything he’d come straight in. But you stayed calm as you rubbed his twitching cock over his boxers.

You were slow and deliberate. Stroking it ever so slightly to get him worked up.

Changbin let out some low breathy moans and you could feel his grip on you loosen.

“F-fuck… y/n…” he gasped before you turned around and pulled the underwear down.

“Shhh Binnie… you don’t want Channie to hear…” you said with a smile. “Don’t you want me to yourself?”

You pumped his length faster and fondled his balls with your other hand as he fell apart. He was moaning and whining yet he still had enough thought to keep it down. Of course he didn’t want Chan to hear. This was his time.

“Y/n—… baby—…. So good—….” His breathy whines got more intense as you continued. You knew he was getting drunk on lust. He bucked his hips into your hand.

“C’mon Binnie… cum on my hand…” you said with a pout. Make a mess on me. Make a big mess!”

“Fuck fuck… fuck…” his voice was breathless as he came, throwing his head back as he tried gaining composure.

You quickly made sure to lay him on his back and kiss up his neck to his lips. He didn’t have to move a muscle as you took his hand and placed it on your breast.

“It’s okay to touch, Binnie.” You whispered softly while brushing his hair back with your fingers.

The man was exhausted. It’s been a long day and you really tired him out with that instense orgasm.

He only lightly squeezed your breasts as he was drifting off to sleep again. Your soft hums and the gentle rubbing of his hair and cheeks made him incredibly sleepy. His eyes were shut and he breathed softly, finally relaxing. It wasn’t long before he was asleep again.

This was your chance.

Quickly, you get up and make your way to the door. After quietly opening it, you peer out, looking to where Chan could be.

It was cold and you were just in a small nightgown and thigh high socks. You found yourself shivering as you cautiously stepped out.

As you take more steps out, you realize that Chan was on the couch. His laptop was on his lap and it seemed that he fell asleep while working.

Quietly, you walked past him, making it to the front door, and unlocking it when you suddenly hear a shout from behind.

“You tricked me!!”

You see Changbin standing there. He was still a distance away but you could tell he was furious. Chan woke up from his little nap and pushed his laptop off before standing.

Without another thought, you ran out.

You knew that outrunning them would be impossible, so your best bet was hiding.

“You let her out?!”

You could hear Chan yelling at the other as you hid in the bushes of a neighbor.

This bush was full of spiderwebs and pokey branches. It took everything in you not to scream when a small spider ran across your leg.

“It wasn’t on purpose!” Changbin yelled back as they searched around the street. “She tricked me!”

“You’re weak!” Chan yelled back. “Now our doll is out! Cold and in danger!!”

“We’ll find her…”

“Just a dumb little doll. She needs us.” Chan sighed.

They were getting closer to where you hid and you preyed they wouldn’t get any closer.

“I failed her!” Changbin cried while covering his face. “Hyung, she’s the love of my life!”

The other friend sighed, starting to feel bad about how he yelled at at the man.

“Listen, we’ll find her. She can’t get far…”

“Y/n!!” Changbin suddenly yelled out. “Y/n!! I can’t live without you!! Y/n please!!”

“Changbin!” Chan hushed him. “You’re going to wake the neighbors!”

But at this point, the man was a mess. Screaming and yelling. It was a surprise that no neighbors came out to see the commotion.

You stayed still, truly unsettled but his desperation. You couldn’t help feeling a little bad but this was insane. He was insane. The both of them were.

“My dear, we will come back for you…” Chan said, not sure in what direction you were. Heck, for all he knew, you could’ve just left the area completely.

But Chan was determined to find you. It wasn’t too noticeable but he was just as much of a wreck, he was just better at hiding it. Putting up a strong front for the sake of his friend.

“Binnie we’ll find her in the morning…” Chan reassured while leading him back to the house. He just had to. For his sake but also Changbin’s . That’s what friends are for right?

———————————————————————

Chan took more of a back seat here. 😅

[stevie-petey]

episode eight: the upside down

You know you shouldn’t, but you laugh. Honestly, after everything you’ve been through tonight with Steve, how can he possibly think the two of you aren’t friends? “Why are you laughing?” Steve mumbles, confused.  “Sorry,” you wheeze out, still uncontrollably laughing. “It’s just–I mean, dude! We almost died together, of course we’re friends now!” “We are?” He looks like a little kid on Christmas day being given the gift he’s always wanted. Your heart warms. “Yes, idiot.”

summary: drinking game time ! take a shot every time jonathan tries ditching you or every time you almost die at the byers house, you find out that steve really is an athlete and tbh it's hot, but you know what's even hotter ? saving hawkins and reaching a tentative compromise with steve after he loans you $5 for snacks. after, jonathan makes a promise you really hope he can keep.

rating: general, cursing and slight scary violence

warnings: violence, use of fire and weapons, guns, use of fem!reader and use of y/n, slight mentions of blood and death

words: 13.7k

before you swing in: the final chapter ,,, my heart </3 please enjoy my child, i put so much into this chapter. action scenes scare me, they're hard and i'm weak, so i hope this lives up to everything you guys wanted n more ;) i cannot believe we're at the end (but i do have another chapter planned that's set in season 1, so shhhh). thank you so so so much for all your support. i never thought this silly lil fic would get that much attention, but i'm insanely flattered and grateful for each and every one of y'all. i'm so proud of what i've created and you guys are my beloveds ,,, anyways, enjoy !!!

-

You almost miss Jonathan and Nancy sneaking off. 

You had been explaining a comic book that had been in your bag to El when you noticed a shift in your periphery. Turning your head, you see Jonathan stand, offer Nancy his hand to help her up, and then walk towards the main doors together. 

What the fuck. 

“They wouldn’t dare…” You excuse yourself and run out the gym and into the hallway to follow them, absolutely furious. You’re so sick of their bullshit, of Jonathan’s bullshit and putting Nancy first. This isn’t even a petty jealousy thing, this is about the years of friendship between the two of you that has just suddenly disappeared within a damn week all due to circumstances completely out of your control. 

The slam of the main door is the only warning Jonathan gets before you’re yanking him by his coat and flinging him back, forcing him to look at you. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

You’ve never, ever yelled at him like this before. Not even earlier this week when he’d given you that bullshit apology after screaming at you for being in his room, for saying the two of you weren’t family. You didn’t yell at him for hiding Nancy’s pictures from you, for going off without you to find the monster. Despite everything, you’ve never been this cruel to him, even if he may have deserved it at times.

Jonathan’s wide eyes stare down at your hand that’s still clutched around his coat, frightened. “Bug, we were just–”

“Just what? Sneaking off without me?”

“It’s not like that, Y/N.” Nancy now steps in, her hands held up as if you’re some rabid dog she wants to calm down. “We just figured we’d help Joyce and Hopper.”

“‘We’? Are you fucking kidding me? You two talked about this, had an entire conversation, and still somehow came to the conclusion that ditching me was a great fucking idea?” You scoff, deeply hurt by the fact that the two of them had an entire conversation without thinking to include you in it. 

“Bug, can we talk about this one on one?” Jonathan asks, his voice lowered. You can see the genuine upset in his eyes and for a moment your grip on him lessens, but then you see Nancy behind him and your anger only returns. 

“No, we can discuss this right here.” 

He sighs and tries to grab the hand not clutching his coat, but you slap it away. “Bug–”

“You’ve lost that privilege.” 

“Bug–I mean, Y/N,” His voice falters. “Look, my mom and Hopper are out there right now trying to find Will while that monster is still out. Nance and I… We want to finish what we started.” 

“Without me?” You don’t mean for it to happen, but your voice catches at the end.

Jonathan’s gaze softens and this time he succeeds in grabbing your hand. You let go of him and allow him to pull you in, weak against him as always. “I’m doing this to protect them, to protect you, Y/N. I’m always trying to protect you. You know that, right?”

You used to think that you did, but now? You’re not so sure, and it terrifies you. 

Nancy has stepped away from the conversation, now kicking at rocks while you’re with Jonathan, and you can’t help but think about how wrong all of this feels. 

Throughout this entire week it’s felt like someone has given you a photo of Jonathan, smeared its lines and edges, removed his moles and his crooked smile and made it neater, altered so that if you squint you can see the boy you grew up with underneath it all… But it’s fuzzy, almost too unclear to really see. 

Now he’s standing in front of you, his smile once more crooked and cunning and his moles faded underneath the moonlight and for a second you can see him. There he is, clear and untouched and him in a way that’s never quite been yours.

“I know,” you tell him. “But how many more times do you expect me to forgive you for lying and ditching me? If you want to protect me, you need to talk to me.”

Jonathan winces. “I know, I know it sounds stupid and I know I’ve fucked up more than enough this week, I just get caught up in wanting to make sure you’re safe. It’d kill me if I let anything happen to you… I just, I can’t lose you, bug.”

“So pushing me away is your grand plan of keeping me?”

“I’ve always been an idiot.” He manages a smile, and you can’t help but laugh. 

“That’s true, but if you attempt to ditch me one more time I swear to god I’ll pour tar all over your car.”

The boy laughs and for a brief moment everything feels okay again, but it doesn’t last very long. “In our defense, we figured you’d be better off with the kids since you’re not really a fighter, ya know?” 

You drop his hand. “Excuse me?” 

Jonathan’s smile is gone. “What?”

“I’m not really a fighter? You’re kidding, right?”

“Hey, no I didn’t mean it like that–” Jonathan fumbles over his words, clearly taken aback by your sudden mood change. 

You step away from him. “How many times did I defend you against Lonnie? Better yet, remind me how we became friends in the first place. Wasn’t it because I threw milk at a bunch of idiots bullying you? Huh?”

“Y/N–”

“God, I can’t believe I almost let you get away with it again! I mean, do you even hear the bullshit that comes out of your mouth?” You deepen your voice, now doing a poor impersonation of him. “‘Hey, bug! You know I love you, right? Cool! Now, I’m gonna go do fuck all and ignore you and ditch you and then somehow turn it into me being a good guy because duh! I can never do any wrong!’”

“Please, just–”

“Did I get it right? It was a pretty good impersonation in my opinion. I mean, I am the one who has had to deal with this shit all fucking week. I think I'm an expert on this topic now.” 

Jonathan looks pained but you don’t fucking care anymore. You’ve reached your limit, you’re sick and tired of being treated like some delicate creature that’s incapable of taking care of itself. You literally slapped Tommy Hagan this afternoon in order to help Jonathan, yet here he is basically calling you weak. 

And yet Nancy is the fighter. She’s the one who gets to go along on the adventure while you’re sidelined because for some damn reason you’re always the second option. Never taking matters into your own hands, always the one left behind to clean up the mess and take care of those also discarded. 

You’re sick of it. 

You step closer to Jonathan again, so that you’re nose to nose, and whisper, “I’m tired of never being good enough.” 

And with that, you reach into his coat and snatch up his keys, a game you’ve always played with him but now has turned into a bitter taste in your mouth, and run back into the gym. Someone has to inform the kids of the plan, make sure they’ll be okay on their own. 

Dustin sees you approach and smiles, but when he notices the angry pace in your steps, he frowns. “Uh oh.”

“Yeah, uh oh.” 

“Jonathan again?”

You nod, still too angry to trust your words. “Yeah.” 

He notices the keys in your hand. “Where are you going?”

Mike and Lucas look over now, curious as to what’s happening. 

You sigh. “I’m going with Nancy and Jonathan to the Byers house, we’re going to kill the monster.” 

“Why the hell are you going?” Dustin exclaims while Mike shoutes “sick!” and Lucas mumbles “great, alone again”. El remains quiet, still resting. 

You flick your brother’s hat. “I have to, Dustin.”

“For Jonathan?” He shakes his head. “I like him, but aren’t you mad at him right now?”

“Is it just me, or is she always mad at him these days?” Mike whispers over to Lucas, who simply shrugs. 

“Girls, man.” 

You ignore them and focus on Dustin. “It doesn’t matter. He needs my help, and no one in the party gets left behind. Remember?”

“Y/N–”

“I love you,” you kiss the top of his head. “I promise I’ll be safe, just be careful, okay? I’m putting you in charge, so don’t let me down. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll see you in a few hours tops!”

Dustin tries to argue some more, but you quickly run back outside before he can get another word in. You feel horrible leaving him behind, but you know this is the right decision. If you can kill the monster, there’s less of a chance of the kids or Joyce and Hopper getting hurt. Jonathan and Nancy may be fine on their own, but there’s always power in numbers and they’ll need all the help they can get. 

You just… you have to help. You know this is what you’re supposed to be doing, even if it pains you to do so. Dustin and the kids are smart; as long as they stay at the school, they’ll be fine. 

In theory, that is.

Nancy and Jonathan are waiting for you outside. You push past them and march towards Jonathan’s care; they awkwardly follow after you. You unlock it, throw yourself into the backseat, and promptly dig through your backpack to make sure you have everything. 

The two teens get in a few minutes after you. Not one word is spoken as Jonathan starts the car and the three of you drive off, leaving Hawkins Middle behind. 

– 

You thought the car ride with Nancy and Jonathan from the funeral home had been tense, but this one? Downright painful. 

Jonathan has a tight grip on the steering wheel and keeps trying to catch your eye through the rearview mirror but you avoid his gaze. You’ve spent the last five minutes arranging and rearranging your backpack to give you something to do while Nancy has tried three times to make conversation to make this car ride bearable. 

“El seems nice.” 

“You said four words to her, Nancy.” You retort, switching open your switchblade once more to watch the moonlight dance off of its blades. 

“Right.” 

Nancy shifts uncomfortably in the passenger seat. You know she realizes she’s once again upset the balance in your relationship with Jonathan. It was only an hour ago that she tried getting you to admit your feelings for him before convincing the boy to up and leave you. Sure, Jonathan made his own decision in the end, but damn. She could’ve at least pretended to want you around. 

She notices your knives and tries to spark conversation again. “I love the color of the handle, it’s beautiful.” 

“Thanks,” you switch the blades closed and sit up in your seat. “Anyways, you geniuses have a plan or were you just counting on ditching me and winging it from there?”

“Y/N–”

“No, Nancy. I insist, let’s talk about a plan. We’re here to kill a monster, right?”

She closes her mouth and frowns, turning to Jonathan for help, but he’s no use. He’s busy tapping his fingers against the wheel and praying that the world will just swallow him up whole. Too bad for him you’re a stubborn pain in the ass and would simply pluck him back up so you can torture him some more. 

Nancy sighs. “Well, Jonathan and I were thinking we use the supplies we got earlier and lure the monster to his place, then we kill it.” 

“Awesome plan, guys!” You say, your voice dripping with sickly sweetness that leaves them both feeling even more uncomfortable. “But may I suggest some actual details or shall we just bank off of this wonderfully dull and vague plan?” 

“Sure, Y/N. Tell us what you had in mind.” Nancy rubs her face tiredly, knowing she deserves this. 

“Great! I’m assuming we’re luring the monster with blood?” They nod at you, so you continue. “Okay, so before we lure it I think we should completely booby-trap Jonathan’s house. Nail the bear trap down onto the floor, make sure the floor is cleared of anything that could trip us up. Then, once we’ve got the house secured, we knick ourselves to draw some blood and pray to whatever god is up there that we can kill the thing.” 

You pause for a moment, remembering how all the Christmas lights had been unscrewed by Joyce earlier. “The lights, we need to fix them. The monster communicates through the lights so if we have them, then we can track it.”

“That all sounds great, bug.” Jonathan finally speaks up, ass kissing. 

“Thanks, pal. Still don’t have the bug privilege back, but I’m sure you simply forgot.” 

He gulps, once more going back to being silent as he drives you and Nancy to his house. 

Nancy again tries to diffuse the tension. “How do we even kill the monster though? I mean, will my bullets be enough?”

“I have this idea, but it’s… well, it’s out there.” You bite your lip, now feeling your cocky demeanor slipping. “If we can safely set fire to it, I think that’s our best bet.”

“Fire?” Jonathan exclaims, but Nancy shushes him. 

“I think you’re right.” 

“Y/N, I know you’re mad at me but do we really have to set fire to my house–”

Now it’s your turn to shush Jonathan. “This isn’t about that. I wouldn’t burn your house down, I already told you I’d just pour tar on your car whenever I get the chance. For now, I really do think the best thing to do is burn the monster alive. In every horror movie and book, fire always gets the job done.” 

Despite herself, Nancy lets out a soft chuckle as Jonathan parks the car, now at his house. “She’s right, Jonathan. And who burns down houses these days? Tar really is the best form of revenge.” 

“I’m flattered, Wheeler. At the rate you’re going, you’ll be off my shitlist in no time.” You tell her, patting her on the shoulder before getting out of the car. You quickly open up the trunk and gather the monster hunting supplies while Jonathan and Nancy take their time getting out. 

You let yourself into the Byers home using your own key to the place. It’s been nestled in between the key to your house and the spare key to Jonathan’s car on your keychain for a few years now. 

The first thing you get started on are the lights. There’s hundreds of them to get through, but you drop your supplies and begin screwing them in one by one. Nancy and Jonathan come in soon after and silently begin to help. 

No conversation is made besides the necessary comments about the prep work. You’re all too focused on the possibility of what could happen next; the danger of the situation has finally set in. After the lights have all been fixed, you instruct Jonathan to begin nailing the bear trap down while you and Nancy discuss where to pour the gasoline. You both agree to make a path from the living room to Will’s room. 

As Nancy pours the gasoline, you follow behind her and pick up any flammables. You weren't lying to Jonathan earlier, you really don’t want to burn his house down. While the house is wrecked, it’s still a home despite everything that’s happened in it. You practically grew up within its walls, you’d do anything to keep it as protected as possible. 

When you’re done, you watch Nancy load her gun. A shiver runs down our spine; she looks at ease with it, which you figure should be reassuring, but the gravity of everything leaves you feeling on edge. You leave her alone and walk into the kitchen where Jonathan is, now hammering a ton of nails into his bat. 

You begin to sharpen your blades next to him, still finding that you only feel secure by his side. The rhythmic sound of his hammering calms you, in a sense. It serves as a distraction. You know you insisted on coming, you don’t regret it and you know you’re stronger than everyone seems to give you credit for, but you’re also terrified. This isn’t just some adventure in the woods; this could kill the ones you love dearly. 

Once you’re both done preparing your weapons, the two of you walk to Will’s room and rig up a simple snare. Jonathan grabs a yo-yo and you pull up a chair to set it on. The idea is that when the string gets pulled, it’ll alert you that the monster has sprung the bear trap. It’s not the most efficient warning system, but it’ll have to do. 

The last thing to do is set the bear trap, which takes all three of you to achieve. Jonathan and Nancy hold down the edges with their body weight and you very carefully set the trap with your hand. You shake a bit as you do so, but you force your nerves down. You remind yourself that Jonathan thinks you’re too weak, too cowardly, you have to prove him wrong. 

When the bear trap clicks into place, you let out a harsh exhale and sink against the wall, your heart still pounding. Jonathan and Nancy copy you and the three of you sit in silence. You’re still shaking a bit, and Jonathan is next to you just as tense, but for the first time since you’ve met him you can’t reach out to grab his hand to steady yourself. He’s too far, both literally and figuratively. Even with him next to you, you couldn’t be more far apart. 

In the back of your mind, you hope the kids are alright. Hopefully they’re having a better night than you currently are. 

“C’mon,” you say after a few minutes, getting up to walk over to the living room. “We’ve done all we can, now we just have to draw some blood and be the prettiest bait in Hawkins.”

– 

Nancy and Jonathan decide to cut the palm of their hands, but you respectfully would rather die than have a matching scar with them. The idea makes you so uncomfortable you visibly cringe when Jonathan tells you the idea. “Yeah, no thanks. I think I’ll find somewhere else to cut.” 

He looks hurt by what you’ve said but doesn’t voice it. Instead, the three of you stand in the living room in a triangle facing each other and he begins reciting the plan. “Remember…”

Nancy goes first. “Straight into Will’s room and–” 

“Don’t step on the trap.” You finish.

Jonathan nods. “And then?”

“Wait for the yo-yo to move.” The girl says. 

“Then…” Jonathan flicks the lighter on.

You whistle low. “Let there be light…” 

“Right. Light.” The boy nods again. “Alright, we ready?”

“Ready.”

“Scar time.” 

Jonathan and Nancy bring their hands up and place their knives flat against their palms. You roll up your sleeve and place your own knife against the upper part of your arm, just below your shoulder, and take a deep breath. 

“On three,” Jonathan says. He begins counting and you all can’t seem to stop shaking. He senses your unease and looks up at you and Nancy. “You guys don’t have to do this.”

Nancy glares at him, her own voice shaky. “Jonathan, stop talking.”

You nod. “Yeah, what she said.”

Jonathan tries to argue, but Nancy squeezes her eyes shut and yells, “Three!”

You close your own eyes and slice at your arm, the pain immediate. You gasp out, never having been good with pain, but you know you have to do this for Will. The blood trails down your arm, dripping from your elbow onto the ground, and you watch as blood from Jonathan’s and Nancy’s own cuts falls onto the ground too. 

Well, at least it’ll be an easy scar to hide compared to theirs. 

“Fuck, that stings.” You say to break the silence, and Nancy nods her head in agreement. 

“Not the most pleasant feeling.” 

Jonathan guides the two of you over to the couch and grabs the first aid kit that you had prepared on the coffee table. He sits in the middle, leaving room for both you and Nancy on each side of him, but you’re still pissed at him and opt to sit on the floor in front of the couch.

Nancy begins to patch up his wound, and it takes everything within you not to reach over and help him yourself. It feels unnatural to watch someone else taking care of him, but the space between you still feels too vast to cross. 

You patch up your own cut while the two of them talk quietly. You wind a bandage tight around your arm, ensuring you won’t bleed through, and Jonathan watches above you with guilt in his eyes. Nancy is trying to reassure him that everything will be okay, but as he watches you struggle to tie the bandage he wonders if he’s fucked up more than just your friendship.

“Bug, let me help with that.” He leans down and ties your bandage before you can stop him. 

You glare at him, still having not said anything to Jonathan besides what was needed for preparation. Nancy distracts herself by cleaning up around his cut and your stomach twists into knots. This is all so miserable. 

“Y/N, I know you’re upset with me and you can go whenever. I won’t blame you, you’ve done enough for me.” Jonathan says, trying to catch your eye. 

You turn away and inspect your bandage, still reeling over the fact that he tied it for you. “I’m here for Will, and only Will.”

“Y/N…” There’s a hurt in his voice that almost makes you turn around to throw your arms around his neck and whisper a million apologies to him. To tell him everything, that you love him and that you’d do anything for him and that’s why you’re so terrified of how you feel. You know you’d burn yourself up if it meant he’d be taken care of, if it meant he was safe and happy and far away from anything that could harm him. You know you’d use up everything within you to love him. 

Instead, you remain silent.

After getting no response from you, Jonathan clears his throat and begins to say something about how the lights will serve as an alarm for the monster, trying to pretend that everything is okay, but he’s cut off by a sudden pounding on the door.

You all jump and your fingers tighten around your switchblade, ready to open it. As your heart pounds you think of all the possible ways the plan could go wrong. When you’re on possibility number twelve, a voice calls through the door. 

“Jonathan?”

“Is that… Steve?” You say out loud, in complete disbelief. 

Steve continues to pound on the door. “Are you there, man? It’s… It’s Steve! Listen, I just wanna talk!”

You’re the first to react, standing up to run over to the door. You fling it open and step outside, making sure Steve won’t be able to see inside the house. When he sees you, he stumbles back a bit. “Henderson?”

His face is still bleeding from earlier and his hair is a mess, and yet there’s a softness to him that you haven’t seen before with him. “Steve, now isn’t really a good time.”

“Can I just talk to Jonathan real quick? I just… I want to apologize about what happened earlier, see if we can maybe–” His eyes land on your bandaged arm. You curse and roll down your sleeve, feeling like an idiot for forgetting to hide the wound before going outside. 

Steve reaches out to touch it, a hint of worry on his face and his voice is now full of concern. “Hey, are you okay?”

You shiver at his touch, it’s gentle as he skims along the bandage and inspects it for any other problems. You pull away, now hiding the wound. “It’s nothing, but you should really go.”

“I want to help you, Y/N. Do you need me to get you anything?” His face is so full of worry for you that it makes you ache. Then a thought occurs to him. “Wait, where’s Byers? Why isn’t he here to help you?”

You’re about to make up a lie, but Nancy flings the door open. “Steve, listen to me.”

He looks between the two of you in complete shock. “Okay, what–”

“You need to leave.” Nancy orders.

Steve looks at you. “I’m not trying to start anything, okay?”

“I know, but–” You get cut off by Nancy.

“I don’t care about that. You need to leave.”

Steve begins to plead with the girl and you step away a bit, not wanting to intrude. You feel bad for him, he looks so beat down by what’s happened today and you suppose that you can’t really blame him. After spending maybe a total of ten hours with Nancy and Jonathan, you also have come close to losing your mind. 

If you were with Jonathan, if you truly had him, you’d react the same as Steve. Begging for the girl he loves to listen to him, to give him another chance with the promise of him changing. 

“I just want to make things right.” Steve says, impressing you with his vulnerability. He’s openly admitting to his mistakes and taking accountability mere hours after the situation has occurred, leaving you both in awe of him and also saddened for him. He loves Nancy more than anything, you can hear it in his voice. 

He deserves better. 

As you’re thinking this, you see his eyes flicker down towards Nancy’s bandaged hand and his brows furrow. “What happened to your hand? Is that blood?” His eyes now flicker over to you again. “Why are you both hurt?”

“We’re clumsy?” You say as Nancy yanks her hand away from Steve.

“It was an accident.” She agrees. 

Steve looks between the two of you, now sensing that something else is wrong. “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing!” Nancy insists, but something in Steve’s demeanor shifts. 

“Wait a second, did he do this to you? To Y/N?” His once soft voice is now filled with anger and you step in front of him. 

“Steve, it wasn’t Jonathan. You need to go, I promise I’ll explain everything later–” 

He grabs you by your side and gently moves you so that he can get past and shove through the door. Nancy yells at him to stop and tries to push him out, but she’s useless against his strength. When he manages to break in, he stumbles inside and scans over the house. 

“Shit!” You follow after him, your brain running a million miles a second trying to figure out how to explain everything to him. 

“What the fuck?” Steve mumbles, eyeing the bat with nails in it. “Y/N, what’s going on here?”

He’s looking to you for reassurance and you guess he assumes that the two of you are allies in this Jonathan and Nancy situation. You really wish you could explain, but Jonathan has grabbed him by the shoulders and is trying to push him outside. The two stumble around for a few seconds and you just helplessly watch. 

“Steve, there’s no time to explain, please just listen to Jonathan and get out of here!” You’re helping Jonathan now, trying to get Steve out the door and away from harm’s reach, but he’s still fighting back confused and lost as ever and you pity him. 

You hear a click and turn around, gasping when you see Nancy holding her gun up to Steve. “Woah, what the fuck Nancy?”

“What! What is going on?” Steve yells, now more panicked than anything else. 

While Jonathan has stepped away, you find yourself standing in front of Steve as if to somehow block the bullet. You can’t let him get hurt, he doesn’t have any part of this, he can still have a normal and happy life if he just leaves now. “Nancy, put the fucking gun down, this isn’t helping!”

Steve pleads with her as well and the two of you scream at the girl to just listen and not swing around loaded weapons, but Nancy remains firm in her stance. “You have five seconds to get out of here. I’m doing this for you.”

“Because holding a gun to his head is any better than telling him the truth?” You exclaim, entirely over the situation. 

As the four of you are arguing, the lights begin to flicker. Steve and Nancy don’t seem to notice, but you do. You look at Jonathan and say your first real words to him in hours. “Jonathan…”

He hears you and he runs over to your side, grabbing your hand as the two of you stand shoulder to shoulder. You feel your heartbeat race and you can feel him shaking beside you. He’s terrified, so are you, but his hand around yours manages to steady you. 

“Nancy!” Jonathan tries to get the girl’s attention, but she’s too busy counting down to hear him. 

He shouts at her again and the lights start to flicker more wildly and you draw your switchblade out, adrenaline coursing through you. It’s time. 

Jonathan yells once more and finally catches Nancy’s attention. “The lights!”

She whips her head around and curses, Jonathan, still tightly holding your hand, tugs you along so that you follow him as he secures his weapons and grabs the bat. “It’s here.”

“What’s here?” Steve is flailing around, utterly lost.

You all ignore him and now stand back to back in a triangle. Nancy holds up her gun, Jonathan wields his bat, and you flick your wrist to bring out your knives. “Where is it?”

“I don’t know!” 

The lights flicker rapidly and you feel overwhelmed. They were supposed to serve as a guide towards the monster, but there's no possible way to see which direction it’ll come from and for a fleeting moment you think you’ve made a huge mistake. 

Steve is still screaming, demanding answers, but you’re too busy scanning your surroundings to offer him some information. “Hello? Will someone please explain to me what the hell is going–”

The roof opens up, cutting Steve off, and you scream as the monster attempts to come down right above you. Jonathan shields you from the fallen debris and you cling onto him in utter fear. This isn’t real. This cannot be happening. 

Nancy begins to shoot at the thing while Jonathan guides you to safety. He brings you to the edge of the living room and holds your face in his hands, forcing you to really look at him for the first time all night. “Listen to me, stay here while I get Nancy.”

He kisses your forehead and then leaves, rushing over to Nancy to pull her away and guide her towards Will’s room. Steve stands next to you, frozen, and it forces you back to reality. The plan, you have to stick to the plan. 

You grab Steve’s hand and yank him so that he follows. The monster has dropped down now, a horrible creature on all fours that opens its gaping mouth to let out a horrible screech that you feel deep within your bones. This is what killed Barb. 

The four of you run to Will’s room and you only just barely have enough time to warn Steve about the bear trap. You look over your shoulder and shout, “Jump!” right as your ankle catches on its chains. 

You fall. Hard. 

Pain sears through your ankle and you try to get up, but any pressure on it sends flames through your entire body and you let out another scream. The monster catches up, looming over you, and you brace for your death. There’s no fucking way you’re getting out of this. 

You squeeze your eyes as the monster stalks close to you, its ugly mouth open and ready to kill you. Jonathan is screaming at you to get up, but Nancy is holding him back from helping. You’re relieved by this, knowing that someone has to be there for Will once this is all done. He’ll need his brother, and Nancy seems to understand this. You catch her eye and nod at her, sending a silent thank you. 

“Bug! No, let go of me! I have to help her, Nancy!” Jonathan’s voice becomes hoarse by how loud he screams, his voice breaking with fear and desperation. 

Then, right before the monster lunges at you, you feel a familiar pair of arms slide underneath your legs and pick you up. “What–”

Steve Harrington has swooped in to save you, picking you up as if you weigh nothing, ever the athlete, and swiftly jumps over the bear trap while screaming his head off. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!”

You’re so delirious from the pain in your ankle and the adrenaline pumping through your veins that you can’t help but let a laugh escape you. No fucking way is any of this real. Steve Harrington is carrying you bridal style into Will’s bedroom with Jonathan and Nancy as witnesses. 

What a life. 

Once you’re both secured in the room, Steve sets you down gently right as Nancy yells at him to shut up. As soon as Steve lets go of you, Jonathan is at your side and pulls you into a crushing hug. 

“Bug.” He breathes out against your ear, relief heavy. 

“I’m okay.” You tell him, threading your fingers through his hair. He’s shaking harder than ever, and holding onto you as if he’s scared he’ll lose you again. “I’m okay, bee.” 

He pulls away and his hands are all over you, checking everywhere for any other injuries. “Did it hurt you, are you bleeding? There should be a first aid kit–”

You grab his hands and kiss his knuckles, which seems to calm him down a bit. “I’m fine, just twisted my ankle. If you help me up, I’m sure I’ll be able to stand again.” 

Jonathan quickly helps you to your feet and you lean against him for the extra support. While you put on a brave face for Jonathan, you’re terrified out of your fucking mind. You almost died. Jonathan is still holding your hand and he’s looking at you as if seeing you for the first time and you force yourself to look away. It’s the same look from the field days ago, when you thought he’d kiss you. 

You have to focus on what’s at stake.

How the hell are you guys supposed to kill this thing?

The monster screeches, breaking the moment between you and Jonathan, and he flicks his lighter on and forces you to stand behind him. Nancy holds up her gun and you bring your knives closer to your face, Steve standing weaponless behind you. 

You all wait, tense, for the monster. It stalks closer to the room, its awful growls alerting you of its proximity, but it doesn’t appear. 

“What’s it doing?” Nancy asks, frustrated. 

“I don’t know.” You respond, equally as frustrated and scared. 

Another few agonizing seconds pass, and you stare at the yo-yo and hope that it remains still. Then, the lights stop flickering and it becomes quiet. All you can hear is your blood roaring in your ears. 

Nancy looks around. “Do you hear anything?”

“No,” Jonathan shakes his head, inching closer to the door. 

“Wait!” You tug at your still interlocked hands. You pick up his bat that had been thrown on the ground and hand it to him. “Be careful. Please.”

He gives your hand one last squeeze before letting go, accepting the bat.

As Jonathan pokes his head out to see if the monster is outside, Steve bends his head down and whispers in your ear, “Romantic.”

“Shut. Up.” You hit him in the chest, fearfully watching your best friend to make sure he doesn't die. When he motions an all clear, Nancy follows him outside, then you, then Steve. 

The house is silent and your heart sinks when you see that the bear trap has been left untouched. You realize with a horrible gut wrench that the monster is smarter than the three of you had anticipated. 

So much for your plan, then.

“It’s smarter than we thought.” 

“Yeah,” Jonathan agrees with dismay. 

He stalks against the wall towards the living room and you all follow in a single file line. You do your best to stick close to the wall but you limp with every step. Your ankle is definitely out of commission for now. Great. 

All of you are on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It couldn’t have been that easy, there’s no possible way that the monster simply up and left. You enter the living room, which has gotten even more wrecked due the monster. The wallpaper has been torn off of some parts of the wall and you see papers scattered everywhere. 

“Shit…” you mumble, kicking at a shredded wallpaper strip. 

In the corner, Steve has started to hyperventilate and mumble to himself. “This is crazy, this is so crazy, this is fucking crazy.” 

You limp over to him and grab his shoulders, making him face you. “Steve, hey. It’s okay, I’m here.”

“Y/N, what the hell just happened?” 

“It’s… complicated. For now, can you trust me that everything will be okay?” 

“Of course I trust you, it’s just…” He nods, his eyes softening. You lessen your hold on him and give him a smile, he seems to be calming down. Then, he looks around the room and seemingly remembers where he is. “This is crazy!” 

Steve lunges for the phone on the wall and tries to call for help. 

You stumble after him, the pain in your ankle slowing you down. “Steve, wait–”

Nancy gets to him first, grabbing the phone out of his hand and throwing it across the room. He looks at her, shocked. “What are you doing? Are you insane?”

“It’s going to come back!” Nancy yells at him, and you wince at the way she treats him. You know Steve will only listen to her, but she could at least be nicer about the whole situation. The three of you have had some time to process everything happening, Steve was thrown into the deep end. 

“You could be a little nicer,” you mumble, and Nancy sends you a glare. You raise your hands up in surrender. “Sorry.” 

“Steve, you need to leave. Right now.”

He looks so overwhelmed and you give him a pitying look. He stares at you, reminiscent of the way he looked at you earlier in the alley, silently begging you to say something, anything, but again you can only shake your head at him. You won’t force him to stay, it wouldn’t be fair.

“Y/N, please…” He tries one more time to get you on his side, but you can’t. Frustrated by your lack of response, Steve groans. “Fuck it!” 

He runs out the door. 

You’ll admit that you’re a bit disappointed, but you also understand. Who in their right mind would stay? 

You and Nancy share a look before the lights begin to flicker again. Dread fills you. “Fuck…”

Jonathan is back by your side and he and Nancy again form a triangle with you, all your backs pressed together as you desperately try to locate the monster. You all stumble in a circle, searching for any sign of the thing, but there’s nothing. 

“Where is it?” Nancy gasps out.

“Just fucking show yourself!” You shout, just wanting this all to be over with. Your body is drained from living in a state of fear for so long. 

“Come on you son of a bitch!” Jonathan echoes your taunts. 

Suddenly the lights turn off and you’re left alone in complete darkness. Faintly you can hear the monster’s familiar growl approaching from behind you. The hair on the back of your neck stands up, the air stands still. It’s back. Before you can react, it pounces on Jonathan. 

“Jonathan!” You scream alongside Nancy. Desperation takes over you and before you can even process what’s happening, you ignore the pain in your ankle and jump onto its back, stabbing repeatedly at it. 

Your blades only bounce off of its thick skin and the monster struggles to get you off. You hold on as tight as you can, shouting and kicking at it so that it can’t hurt him, but then it opens its mouth and for a horrifying moment you’re afraid that Jonathan will die.

“No!” You scream even louder than before and double down on your effort, stabbing and slashing as much as you possibly can to try and create some damage, but your arms are starting to ache and your ankle now feels like it’s on fire. 

“Nancy, its skin is too thick!” You sob out, nearing complete exhaustion. Then, just as you’re about to collapse from exhaustion, gunshots fill the room. 

Nancy begins to shoot at the monster and with the help of your blades, the two of you manage to pierce its skin, but even then the damage is minimal. It’s not enough, it won’t be enough. Tears stream down your face and the monster only gets closer to Jonathan, so you do the only thing you can think of: you crawl onto the top of its body and stab at its mouth. 

The monster lets out a blood curdling scream and flings you off of its back. You go flying across the room and land against the wall with a groan. All the air has been knocked out of you and your ribs are definitely going to be bruised tomorrow. Every part of you aches, but you manage to lift your head up and blearily process the monster now approaching Nancy as she continues to shoot at it, but it remains unphased. 

You crawl over to Jonathan, who is still laying on the ground. He’s motionless, and you fight everything within you not to break down and sob. You have to keep going, he has to be alive. As you reach Jonathan and frantically check for a pulse, the monster has now cornered Nancy and her gun seems to be out of bullets.

It’s over. You know it is. 

Right as you’ve accepted your fate, a screaming Steve Harrington wielding Jonathan’s bat once again manages to save the day. 

He hits the monster with the bat, effectively saving Nancy and you’re so impressed with his batting skills that you almost find him attractive with how easily he hits and dodges the monster. However, you file those thoughts away for later and finally manage to wake Jonathan up. He startles with a gasp and you check over his chest, scared he may have gotten pierced by the monster’s claws. 

“I’m fine, we need to help.”

You help each other up and you have to lean heavily against him due to your ankle. You bull riding the monster has only made the sprain worse; you’re too afraid to look down and see the damage that’s been done. 

As the two of you hobble over to Nancy, Jonathan looks at you. “Is Harrington really here right now?”

“Yes.”

“Lovely.”

Steve manages to lure the monster closer and closer to the bear trap and you watch him in awe. He’s quick footed and so sure of himself, the complete opposite of the boy from only ten minutes ago who had run out of the house screaming his head off. Now, Steve is swift with his hits and even twirls the bat in his hand to show off. The small act causes you to smile despite the horrible circumstances. 

By the time you and Jonathan are up and recovered, Steve has successfully led the monster straight into the trap. It clamps around the monster’s foot and it screeches, flailing around in the trap. Steve still has his bat held up, now frantically looking over to everyone else. “He’s in the trap! He’s stuck!”

“Jonathan, now!” Nancy screams, motioning over at him to use his lighter. 

Jonathan listens, using his free hand to flick the lighter on and then drops it onto the ground, right into the trail of gasoline. Immediately the monster goes up in flames, letting out horrible noises. You all shield your faces from the flames and Jonathan pulls you closer into him, still having yet to let go of you; you feel yourself sink into his side as you watch the monster wither away.

“Bug, I have to get the fire extinguisher, do you think you can stand on your own?” Jonathan asks you, his voice soft but urgent. 

You quickly nod and brace yourself for his departure. “Yeah, go.” 

He lets go of you as gently as possible before running to grab the extinguisher. When he has it, he orders everyone to get back and then smothers the flames. It takes a couple seconds, but eventually the fire gets put out, leaving behind an awful stench that makes everyone cough and gag. 

“Holy fuck,” you wheeze out, hunched over. “Burnt monster smells horrible.” 

“Yeah, no kidding.” Steve coughs out. 

Nancy covers her face with her jacket. “Where did it go?”

“It has to be dead.” Jonathan pants against the wall, looking like he’s three seconds away from passing out. “It has to be.”

“It fucking better be dead.” You mumble, hobbling closer to see what exactly was left behind. When you get closer and see the giant lump of melted skin all over the bear trap, you gag. “Oh god. Yeah, okay. It’s dead.”

Everyone sighs with relief. 

Then, you notice a Christmas light above you flicker on. Your heart stops, terrified that the monster has somehow survived, but then a second one turns on, then a third, until a path seems to be guiding you towards the living room. 

You all follow, cautious but curious, but these lights don’t feel threatening. There’s an energy to them, a comforting one that leaves you breathless. When you get to the living room, tears form in your eyes, now understanding what this all is. You look at Jonathan, who also seems to be thinking what you are. 

It’s Joyce, you know it is. 

“Mom,” he breathes out. 

You limp over to him and grab his hand. He turns to you, his eyes shining with an appreciation that he only ever has for you. He seems to be drinking you in, as if now realizing just how close the two of you came to dying tonight. You’re doing the same, thankful that he’s alive and standing next to you despite everything. There’s so much the two of you want to say, but as always the words aren’t needed. You understand each other perfectly, the balance between you centered once more. 

You put your head on Jonathan’s shoulder and he brings his hand to your hair to softly stroke it. The two of you stand like that for a second, breathing each other in and enjoying the tenderness after such a miserable day, before you slowly break apart and follow the lights going outside. 

The porch light flickers and Nancy stands next to you, watching it with uncertainty. “Where’s it going?”

“I don’t think it’s the monster.” Jonathan tells her. 

“It’s Will.” You don’t know how you know this, or what makes you feel so certain that you’re right, but somehow you know that you are. Somewhere deep within you, you feel the faint outline of hope flicker. 

A new silence surrounds the four of you at your words, and for once there’s hope between you all. Then, after a minute or so of silence, everyone begins to head back inside. Steve first, then Nancy, and finally Jonathan, leaving you alone with the crisp early winter air.

You take a deep breath, the cold air serving as a reminder that you’re alive. You let it fill your lungs until you can’t breathe in anymore, then you release the air through an exhale and feel your body settle into its exhaustion. This is the first time you’ve had a moment to yourself, so you let the exhaustion weigh upon you like a warm blanket. 

Will is safe, you can feel it. Despite everything, he’s safe and alive. Jonathan is too, still your best friend regardless of all the unspoken words between the two of you. Dustin is at the school with the kids, away from danger. Everything is okay, it’ll be okay. 

You let the moment wash over you, incredibly grateful to be lucky enough to have survived it all. Everyone you love and hold close to you is safe. You didn’t fuck up this time. God, you did it. 

Jonathan comes running out after a while, his face alight with joy and he crashes into you and picks you up to twirl you around. You laugh, loud and freely, and bury your face in his hair as he continues. “Bee, stop! Put me down, you dummy!” 

He does as he’s told, but doesn’t let go of you once your feet are on the ground. “My mom just called, they saved Will. He–he’s in the hospital, he’s okay.” 

You squeal and throw your arms around Jonathan again, squeezing him so hard that you’re afraid you'll hurt him, but he simply laughs and squeezes you just as tight. Tears come again, but this time they’re happy ones, and if it weren’t for your ankle you’d be jumping up and down right now. 

Jonathan’s laughter dies down and he cups your chin around his fingers so that you look up at him. “You did it.” 

“We did it, bug.” You softly push against him. You can’t take all the credit. 

His eyes are shining again, you haven’t seen him this happy in so long, you get lost in it. His face is lit up and his smile is back and you’re so in love with him that it claws against your throat and threatens to spill out in excess.

A beat of silence passes and Jonathan just soaks your presence in. You can’t quite read his face, but for once this doesn’t frighten you. You enjoy it, you relish in the fact that he’s still yours yet now forming into someone new and lovely and wonderful. 

“You never gave up.” He whispers at last, adoration in his voice. 

“Never.” 

“You never left me.” 

“Never.” You breathe out, the word so simple with such heavy weight behind it. 

The moment is so raw, so tender, and Jonathan is giving you that look again, the one that leaves you feeling like the sun itself has settled upon you and kissed your cheek. His eyes flick down to your lips and you smile, taunting him to lean in. He seems to understand, giving you his own teasing smile before leaning in. You lean in as well, every part of you buzzing, and right before your lips touch his, Steve bursts through the door.

“Jonathan, dude, do you have like, any food in the house?” He asks, completely oblivious to what he’s just interrupted. 

You and Jonathan break apart, laughing the tension away. He ducks his head down, clears his throat, and turns to Steve. “Sorry, man. Been a little busy this week for grocery shopping.”

Steve’s eyes bulge out of his head. “Oh shit, right. Sorry, okay. Uh… Well, I’ll be inside, I guess.” 

“We’ll be in shortly.” You tell Steve. You want to be frustrated by his timing, but something tells you that you’ll have all the time in the world to tell Jonathan how you feel. Now just isn’t the time. 

– 

The moment you arrive at the hospital, Jonathan sprints out of the car and straight towards the front desk to find out where Will is. You and Nancy follow behind, figuring you won’t be able to see Will for a while since you’re not blood related, so the two of you wish Jonathan goodbye and head towards the waiting room. 

Steve lags behind, obviously unsure where to go. Nancy immediately walks inside, but you notice his hesitation and nudge his shoulder. “I’m sure that the cut on your eyebrow needs to be looked out. Let’s go sit, okay?”

He sighs deeply. “Yeah, sure. Totally. Let’s go sit in a room full of people who probably hate me. No biggie.”

“Either come or don’t.” You shrug. “But the way I see it, you can start mending some metaphorical wounds while you wait in there.”

You don’t wait for Steve to figure out what to do, you know that Dustin is somewhere inside the waiting room and you’re buzzing to see him and the rest of the kids. You hobble inside, still very much in pain due to your injuries, but the moment you see your brother it all fades away. 

He runs into your arms and almost knocks you down with the force. Dustin clings onto you, mumbling over and over again how sorry he is. 

“Hey, wait a second,” you pull him away and crouch down, groaning a bit at the pain. “What are you sorry about? What happened?”

You look around the room and see everyone there. Nancy, Hopper, the kids, Steve, even Nancy’s parents, but there’s someone missing…

“El,” you breathe out. 

Dustin’s lip trembles and he begins to cry. You soothe him, grabbing his hand to bring him over to the seats and sit between him and Mike. Lucas is to the left of Dustin and you can’t help but notice how all the boys have dried tears in their eyes. 

When they’re ready, you have the kids explain what happened, and the more they tell you, the more guilty you feel. You should’ve been there for them, you left them all alone with that monster. You got Will back, and yet you’ve lost El as a result. It seems that no matter what you do, it’ll never quite be enough in the end. 

“It’s not your fault.” You tell Dustin, who still keeps apologizing. It was you who had left him in charge, you’re why El ended up vanquished by the monster. “You did everything you could. I shouldn’t have left you guys all alone, but I’m proud that you all took care of one another, okay?”

He sniffs and nods his head, but you know he doesn’t believe you. All the boys are somber; you know it’ll take time for them to recover. So, you do what you do best, you console them. You hold their hands and rub their backs and offer your spare comics in your bag. You do whatever you can to comfort them, to reassure them that they’re safe now and that no one will hurt them, but the light in their eyes has dimmed. 

They’ll never be the same again. 

And El… she had been so young, you don’t think you’ll ever not feel the heavy weight of guilt whenever you think of her. She had been so sweet and had trusted you. 

You should’ve been there, you wish you could’ve saved her.

Steve watches from his seat across from you. He listens in as you comfort the boys, taking care of them in such a natural way. He admires this softer side of you, one he hasn’t quite seen before. Sure, you’ve always been gentle and sincere, but watching you with the kids is something special in itself. You manage to get them to laugh, you offer them your shoulder to cry or sleep on, and you read aloud to them stories from your comics and Steve finds himself drawn towards your interactions with the kids. 

It’s sweet, something delicate and lovely, and Steve admires everything that you are. When he sees you awkwardly stand up and stumble over to the vending machines in the hall, Steve finds himself following after you. 

-

“Bitch!” You slam the palm of your hand against the vending machine in vain. The bag of chips hangs by the little spiral, taunting you. 

“That’s not a very nice word, Henderson.” 

You turn and see Steve, leaning against the wall with a fond expression. “You stalking me?”

“Nah, just wanted to watch you fight against a vending machine.”

“Ha,” you snort, turning back to the machine. “Unless you can help me get this last chip bag, you’re free to go sit back down.”

You mean it to be a joke, not expecting Steve to actually listen, but he’s at your side within a second. “Step back, let Steve handle her.” 

“What–”

Steve motions for you to move, so you reluctantly do as you’re told. Once you’re out of the way, Steve claps his hands, stretches out his neck, and then begins to aggressively shake the vending machine. 

“That is so not what you’re supposed to do–”

Suddenly the bag drops down from the hook and into the retrieval slot. Steve reaches inside, grabs the bag, and then dangles it in the air. “Tada!” 

You laugh and grab the bag from him. “Okay, I’ll admit, that was impressive.” 

“What can I say? I’m charming like that.” 

“Sure,” you smile at him, neither of you have moved yet. He’s still standing in front of you with that cocky smile on his face that’s slowly started to warm on you. You truly do understand why so many girls have fallen for him. If you ever saw Steve on the street, a stranger passing by, you’d fall a little bit in love with him yourself.

The thought startles you. “Well, uh…”

“Yes?” Steve raises his eyebrows at you, smiling. 

“Thank you for the chips. The kids haven’t eaten anything in hours, so…” You wave the three bags in your arms. “Gotta keep 'em fed.”

“Wait a second, there’s only three bags there. Aren’t you going to eat anything?”

“I only had enough money for the boy’s chips.” You say, feeling suddenly sheepish. “It’s fine, though. I’ll just eat a few pieces from them and wait until we get home.”

Steve scoffs. “Yeah, no.”

You frown at him, confused as he rustles through his jean pocket and pulls out his wallet. “I don’t want your money–”

He doesn’t listen and simply puts the cash into the vending machine and punches in a few numbers. Slowly, one by one, multiple different bags of sweets and chips come falling down within the machine. Once the last one has dropped, Steve bends down and offers the huge stash to you. 

“A feast, on me.” He winks at you and you can’t help but blush. 

“T–thanks, I guess.” You now carefully balance the rest of the snacks in your arms, the mound almost blocking your view. You’re not sure how much Steve just paid, but with all these snacks you and the kids will surely be well fed. 

Steve shrugs, and if you weren’t so tired you’d think the blush on his face was a real one. “It’s the least I can do, all things considered.”

His words give you pause. You know he’s referencing earlier today, back in the alley where fists slammed against skin and he had dragged you away from your best friend, but the memory feels like years ago. So much has happened since then, Steve has saved your life since then. 

“Steve…” Your ankle is starting to sting again from standing for so long, so you adjust your footing and try to figure out what you want to say. “I never got to thank you back at Jonathan’s.”

“Thank me?” His face scrunches in confusion in a sickeningly cute way that it almost distracts you.

“Yes. You saved my life tonight, Steve. I won’t ever forget that.” 

“Oh…There’s no need to thank me. I mean, what are friends for?” Steve freezes and clears his throat. “I mean, shit. We aren’t friends, you keep saying that. Sorry. You know what I mean.”

You know you shouldn’t, but you laugh. Honestly, after everything you’ve been through tonight with Steve, how can he possibly think the two of you aren’t friends?

“Why are you laughing?” Steve mumbles, confused. 

“Sorry,” you wheeze out, still uncontrollably laughing. “It’s just–I mean, dude! We almost died together, of course we’re friends now!”

“We are?” He looks like a little kid on Christmas day being given the gift he’s always wanted.

Your heart warms. “Yes, idiot.”

Steve starts moving around in what you can only guess is a happy dance. “Sweet! Does this mean I get a cool nickname, too?”

“A nickname?” A bag of chips threatens to fall from your arms, but Steve catches it before it can land on the ground and takes a few more snacks off of your hands. 

He readjusts the snacks he now has so that he can carry them easier. “Yeah, I mean. Byers has one, why can’t I?”

You don’t think you’ll ever stop feeling so thrown every time Steve mentions a small detail about you that he’s somehow come to notice. He has a habit of doing that, surprising you by how much he seems to pay attention to you. You thought that no one ever had before, but Steve continues to prove you wrong. 

“I’ll tell ya what,” you begin to walk back towards the waiting room, careful to step carefully to not drop anything or upset your ankle. “Let’s see how this ‘friends’ thing works out, then I’ll decide what nickname fits you best. Deal?”

Steve thinks for a moment and follows. “Hmm. I don’t know, I think I’ll need some type of precaution to make sure you give me a nickname in the end. I want one, Y/N. I’m so serious right now.”

You laugh at his pleading tone. “I can add you to my baking list. Whatever I bake, you’ll get a piece of it. Is that better?”

“God, yes!” Steve punches the air and cheers. 

You’re smiling so much that your face aches. You haven’t felt this light and carefree in so long, you’d almost forgotten what it’s like. The two of you don’t say anything else as you walk back to the waiting room, though Steve seems to slow down so that you don’t hurt your ankle keeping up, though you still let out a few winces and groans.

When you’ve arrived back at your seat, Steve sets down the snacks and runs off without another word. You’re confused by his sudden departure but don’t think much of it. Instead, you wake the boys up and show them your array of snacks, which wakes them up immediately. 

You’re mediating a fight between Mike and Lucas over who gets the bag of Chips Ahoy when a nurse interrupts. “Excuse me, ma’am. This young man over here told me I should come over and check out your ankle?”

The woman smiles and you look past her and see Steve sheepishly waving from his seat across from you. You’re stunned. Had he really gone out of his way to ensure your ankle gets treated?

You shake the thoughts out of your head and inform the woman all she needs to know. You tell her how you’d fallen and what type of pain you feel when you stand up. She inspects the ankle, her fingers cold but kind, and within a few minutes has diagnosed you with a sprained ankle. 

“All you can really do is stay off of it for a few weeks while it heals. I can go and get you some crutches, if you’d like?” She asks, rolling her gloves off and tucking them back into her pocket.

You nod. “If you wouldn’t mind, that’d be great.”

The nurse leaves with the promise of being back soon. In the meantime she instructs you to keep your ankle elevated, so you prop it against the coffee table and wait. You’re annoyed that you even have to have crutches, but then you think of Barb, of El. You’re luckier than you should be. 

– 

After an hour or so, Jonathan opens the door to the waiting room. He spots you and Mike talking softly with each other and whistles over to catch your attention. When Mike looks up, Jonathan nods at him and the boy scrambles out of his seat. 

“Guys! Guys! He’s up, Will is up!” Mike shakes awake Lucas and Dustin, who had been cuddling on the seats fast asleep. “Will’s up!”

Once they’re awake, they quickly follow after Mike and the three boys are gone in an instant, sprinting down the hall towards Will’s room. Clearly they’re eager to see their friend. 

You do your best to get up as fast as possible, but your new crutches serve more as a nuisance rather than an aid. As you struggle to get up, somehow knocking over the mountain of snacks, Steve rushes over. 

He grabs the crutches and offers you his hand. “Here, careful.”

“Thanks,” you awkwardly accept his hand and get up. Jonathan watches from the doorway, a curious look on his face. Nancy does the same from her seat, not saying a word as she watches Steve gently help you navigate the waiting room with your injury. 

Jonathan holds the door open for you and takes over once you’re out the door. He grabs the crutches from Steve and is now the one to hold your hand, balancing you. “I can take it from here, Harrington.”

“Right, yeah.” Steve scratches the back of his head and coughs. “I’ll just… yeah.” 

He heads back inside and you and Jonathan watch as he leaves. As soon as he’s out of earshot, Jonathan turns to you. “Are you two friends now or something?”

“We almost died tonight, bee. I think it’s safe to call Steve a friend now.”

Jonathan bites his lip, though there’s a far off look in his eye that leaves you feeling like you’ve missed something in the conversation. “Guess that’s true. Anyways, let’s get you to Will.”

By the time you make it to the room, the boys have swarmed around Will and are telling him everything he’s missed this week. He’s listening eagerly as they’re telling him about El, but when he sees you enter the room, his eyes light up and he tries to sit up. 

“Y/N!” Will calls out, pure excitement in his voice. 

You practically fall over in your haste to get to him. The second you’re close enough, you collapse onto his bed and give him the tightest hug you possibly can without hurting him. He feels so small against you, smaller than he’s ever felt before, and his sunken eyes and pale skin make you want to cry. 

But he’s alive and here and in your arms once again, happy and wonderful and safe. 

“Little bee,” you try not to cry, but tears are thick in your voice. “I missed you.”

Will manages a weak smile and shrugs, trying to play off the gravity of the situation. “Took a little detour home.” 

You laugh and ruffle his hair. “At least you came home, that’s all that matters.”

“Ahem,” Mike obnoxiously clears his throat, effectively ending your moment with Will. “You’re hogging Will, move over.” 

You laugh again and move away, allowing the boys to resume their millions of updates. You maneuver your crutches and walk over to Jonathan, who is standing by the door. He’s looking at the boys and Will with a soft smile on his face and you join him, standing side by side as you watch your boys finally come together again. 

Then, you feel a pair of eyes on you and you turn around. Nancy is leaning against the doorway behind you; she looks frail and distraught. There’s a sadness in her eyes as she watches the kids. You know that watching the boys reunite with their friend must remind her of Barb. She never got her happy reunion. 

You feel awful for the girl, so when her bittersweet smile drops and she turns to leave the room, you nudge Jonathan to make him aware of the situation. He sees her fleeing and begins to follow after her, but he stops. 

“What are you waiting for? Go.” You tell him, knowing it’s for the best. 

He shifts his weight, uncertain. “Are you sure?”

You’re not sure how to decipher the hidden meanings underneath those three words, but you find that you’re exhausted trying to keep reading between the lines. The feelings you’ve kept buried bubble to the surface, but you remind yourself that he loves Nancy, despite your weird moments of almost with him. There’s something there between you and Jonathan, you both can feel it, but it feels too raw and fragile to bring into the light. 

Without having to ask, you know that Jonathan will choose her. 

It breaks your heart, but you look over at Dustin and Will, who are laughing about some joke while Joyce gazes at them fondly, and you know that you can’t lose this. Maybe Jonathan knows this, too. The small family you’ve built together, it’s too precious to ruin. 

Joyce and your boys, you can’t lose them. They’re yours, and Jonathan is yours in a way that you can’t quite keep to yourself forever, but for now it’s enough. You approach Joyce, grab her hand and give her a tired smile, and the smile she returns to you reminds you that this is more than enough for you. 

You turn to Jonathan, pushing down your feelings once more in favor of appreciating the fact that Will is looking at you again, alive. “Go, bee.” 

Jonathan gives you one last look. You study his face for a moment, watching as it shifts from confusion, to hurt, then finally into acceptance. You’ll never be sure of what exactly he’d been thinking in that moment, but it seemed to have been enough for him, too.

He smiles, lets out a deep breath, and then leaves.

The door closes softly behind him. 

– 

A month later you find yourself in the passenger seat of Jonathan's car, tired from your shift at Bookstrordinary but excited to pick up your brothers. Somehow, even after missing three consecutive shifts last month, Mrs. Waters refused to fire you. 

But Jonathan? He hadn’t been so lucky. His boss fired him from the Hawk, but he hadn’t been too upset. He still drives you to and from work, so you suppose things could be worse. 

It’s late, but the two of you take your time driving to the Wheeler’s. Nothing much has changed between you two following Will’s reappearance. Sure, maybe you’re at his house more just to make sure Will is adapting well, but besides that everything seemed to go back to normal. 

Well, almost normal. 

Steve appeared at your job a few days after your conversation in the hospital. He had surprised you when you walked in, and when you asked what he was doing in a bookstore, Steve simply shrugged and said, “You can’t figure out my nickname if we don’t hang out, right? So, I’m here.”

He had become a regular at the store, stopping by whenever he could, and slowly the two of you became good friends. You’ve come to enjoy Steve’s presence, something that you never thought would ever happen. But he keeps you company as you work, he wanders around and explores the comics and books you recommend to him, and it’s nice having someone to goof off with. 

Plus, you did promise to add him to your baking list, so he’s also become your taste tester who happily eats any creation you bring in for him.

As for Nancy…

That was more of a sore subject for Jonathan. 

There was a few weeks following Will’s reappearance that you thought Jonathan and Nancy would get together, but it never happened. You’re not quite sure why, maybe it had something to do with Jonathan’s hesitation of approaching her, but it had crushed him when you and he saw Nancy and Steve making out in the hall as if nothing bad had ever happened. 

The way Jonathan’s face crumbled when he saw the couple only solidified that he’d never be yours, but you comforted him anyways. You told him he deserved better and then dragged him away. It’d taken him a few days, but eventually Jonathan was able to fake a smile again. 

You haven’t spoken about it since that day, but you leave your window open most nights for him to crawl in. The nightmares from that night fighting the monster plague you both, and the loneliness feels a little heavier than usual, but at least you have each other. 

“Jonathan! Y/N! Come in, the boys are downstairs.” Mrs. Wheeler answers the door, letting the two of you in. “And Y/N, I love that sweater on you.”

You thank the woman. “It was a gift from my mom. She claims I need to up my wardrobe, whatever that means.”

“Well, I think she has lovely taste.” 

“I’ll let you know you think so!” You open the basement door and motion for Jonathan to go down first. 

When he reaches the bottom of the steps, Jonathan makes a face. “Woah, what’s that smell? Have you guys been playing games all day, or just farting?”

“My vote is farting.” You say, hopping down the last step. Your ankle has mostly healed by now, but sometimes if you land on it wrong it makes a weird clicking noise followed by some pain, but you choose to pretend that it’s normal. 

The boys laugh and Lucas points at your brother. “Oh, that’s just Dustin. He farted.”

He begins making fart noises with his mouth and you and Dustin share a look. “Very mature, Lucas.”

The boy continues to sing and make fart noises and you can’t believe that this is your life. You’re standing in a smelly basement while picking up your stubborn brother all while simultaneously enjoying the fact that you get to call this your life. 

Jonathan calls over to Will to grab his things, so you follow suit and gently berate Lucas. “Alright, that’s enough. I gotta get Dustin home.”

“What, I thought I got to stay–”

“Jonathan is our ride and I made cookies, so let’s go.”

The moment the word “cookies” leaves your mouth, Dustin hops up and collects his things without any further argument. 

Once he’s ready, he and Lucas play wrestle as they say goodbye. While they’re distracted, you walk over to Mike and discreetly hand him a container full of double fudge brownies. You’d specifically made them for him, knowing they were his favorite, because you noticed how hard it’s been for him to adjust to El being gone. He really cared about her, anyone could see that. 

Mike’s eyes widen and he throws his arms around you. “Thanks, Y/N.”

You pat his back. “Anytime, Wheeler.”

Dustin breaks away from Lucas and runs up the stairs, so you take that as your cue to leave. 

Upstairs, Jonathan and Will are talking to Mrs. Wheeler. When they see you enter, the woman turns to you and asks if you’ll be bringing over your usual round of holiday treats. “Of course, I’ll get started on them tomorrow. You guys still like the sugarbread cookies?”

“If you make them, I think I’ll die of happiness.” Mrs. Wheeler informs you, and you laugh and tell her that you’ll have them ready as soon as possible. 

You bid her goodbye, Dustin now by your side, and you follow Jonathan and Will to the front door. Right before you open the door, Nancy calls Jonathan’s name from the top of the stairs. 

“Hey, Jonathan, wait up!” 

You, Dustin, and Will stand awkwardly in the back while Nancy hands Jonathan a wrapped gift and wishes him a merry Christmas. They share an awkward exchange since Jonathan hadn’t gotten her anything, but Nancy assures him that it’s fine. The interaction is painful to watch as Nancy doesn’t spare you a single glance. Dustin and Will look at you uncertainly when she kisses Jonathan’s cheek, but you ignore them and pretend to be interested in a Christmas decoration on the table.

This will never get any easier. 

“You ready?” Jonathan turns back to you guys, a blush on his face, and all you can do is silently nod. 

In the car you sit in the back with Dustin, who squeezes your arm in reassurance. He’s come to understand your complex feelings for Jonathan and has pieced together Nancy’s involvement. While he’s never outright consoled you, he’s shown his support in other small and wonderful ways. 

“Thanks,” you whisper, and Dustin smiles. 

“We all buckled up?” Jonathan asks as he starts up the car. 

“Yes, captain.” You mock salute. 

Will giggles at you before he sees the gift and looks up at Jonathan. “Can I open it?”

“Yeah, sure.” 

You and Dustin lean forward so you can see what’s in the box. When Will unwraps a beautiful, and no doubt expensive, camera, you gasp. The bitterness and hurt from moments ago vanishes. This gift is from Steve, you know it is, and something warm settles deep within your bones. 

You think about last month, how you’d told him not everyone can just afford a camera. 

Seems like Steve listened. 

Maybe he isn’t so bad after all. 

– 

A week later you knock on the Byers’ door, a giant container of your annual holiday cookies in your arms. 

“Bug!” Jonathan answers the door with an excited smile on his face. His new camera is in his hands and before you can even process what’s happening, he’s already taken a photo of you with your crooked earmuffs and oversized box of cookies.

He’s been using the camera ever since he got it. There’s now multiple pictures of you, always unaware or caught off guard, now hanging in the kitchen. It makes you blush to think about. 

“You didn’t even give me a chance to smile.” You complain, shoving your way inside. It’s snowing and you’re freezing. 

Joyce grabs the container to help you as soon as she sees you. “Here, honey. I’ve got it.”

You thank her and walk over to Will, who is drawing at the kitchen table. “Hey little bee. Whatcha drawing?”

“Hi, Y/N.” He slides over his picture and you’re shown a quick sketch of you and the party, this time fighting what appears to be a misshapen dog. “It’s a Dire Wolf, we’re fighting it in our latest campaign.”

“Ah, I see. Looks fluffy, though. Can’t possibly be a dangerous creature.”

Will rolls his eyes at you. “This is why you don’t play with us.”

“Careful, you’re sassing the girl who has just bravely ridden her bike through the snow to deliver her famous Christmas cookies.”

Will is out of his seat in an instant, running over to his mom, who has just placed the container on the counter. “Did you make the oatmeal raisin cookies?”

“Duh,” you snort. 

“And the chocolate chip?”

“I sure did.” You stand next to him and point at a new cookie you’re trying out this year. “This batch is a caramel banana one. Steve seemed to like it and I think it’s pretty good, so I hope you do too.”

Jonathan swoops over and kisses your head. “Of course we’ll like it, bug.”

“He’s right, you know. We always love whatever you make us, honey.” Joyce informs you, her mouth now full of cookies. 

“I’d hope so, this is like my fifth year making these for you guys. It’d be awkward if you hated my baking.” You say, now securing your earmuffs back on your head. “Anyways, I should get going. It’s Christmas, my mom won’t want me out too long.” 

Joyce looks out the window and frowns. “Did you really bike here in this weather?”

“It wasn’t too bad, I’ll be fine–”

“No. Jonathan, grab your keys and drive Y/N home.” She stares you down, daring you to argue with her, but you don’t. You know better than to argue with Joyce Byers. 

Once Jonathan has his keys, you say goodbye to everyone and wish them a merry Christmas. Jonathan throws your bike in his trunk and soon you’re off on the road. The drive is quiet but cozy. The snowflakes fall in a pretty spiral and there’s a soft song playing on the radio. 

Sometimes, if you close your eyes, you can pretend that the events from last month never happened. Will never disappeared. You never discovered that you love Jonathan. Nancy Wheeler never became friends with Jonathan, possibly something more had there been more time. When you close your eyes and sit still, you can imagine that your brother never has nightmares that wake him up screaming. That your heart doesn’t hurt when you make your best friend laugh. 

For a moment, you can forget. 

“Can we always stay like this?” You ask Jonathan softly, almost as if you’ll disturb the peace that winter has brought with its quiet snow. 

“Like what?”

You’re not sure how to express what you’re feeling. “This, us. Together.”

“Of course we’ll always stay like this.” He grabs your hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it. He says this like it’s a fact, the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Pinky promise me.” You hold your pinky up. You know it’s silly, but you need him to hear you, to understand what you’re saying.

Jonathan looks over at you. “Y/N–”

“Please, promise me, bee.”

He’s silent for a moment, seeming to understand the weight of everything between, around, and within the two of you. Then, he extends his pinky finger and wraps it around yours. “I promise, bug.” 

And you believe him.

[END OF SEASON 1]

-

⌑ series masterlist

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[verosvault]

🚨SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 8 OF BURROW'S END!!!🚨

Dimension20 "Burrow's End"

Episode 8

Timestamp: 15:11

Video Length: 4min. & 52sec.

I can't fully explain how powerful this scene is to me. One thing I love about Dimension20 is the fact that they're never afraid to roleplay the hard situations and the hard talks. It's-

I love how Tula has this hard conversation with her mom and she isn't afraid to tell her mom that she has an obsession with power and control. Ava really seems like she's at a loss for words, and it's understandable, because she's being called out on it....and it's hard. It's because Ava feels so much guilt and shame for losing Ken. The same feeling that Tula probably feels for losing Geoffrey. Ava chooses to feel guilty and tries to forget what happened... while for Tula, her losing Geoffrey is a constant reminder to her that you have to always be careful because so many bad things can happen? It's like- ugh. I don't even know if what I said is right..but that's... that's how I feel and it's so strong.

I wish I could have a talk with my IRL mom like this. In a way that she can just understand and apologize. Which, Ava didn't apologize right away, she did it later on. But I don't even think my IRL mom has apologized to me for so much. She just guilt trips me and says that she failed to raise me...or whatever. And I'm like...if I could have a talk with my mom like Tula did with Ava, and my mom actually just sat there and tried to actually understand what I was saying, I really feel like my own relationship with my mother would grow. 🥲 It's crazy how they have these types of talks in a show like this!! It's SO REAL and they're just playing a game of D&D! It's insane!!

And like- Viola standing up for Tula! Ugh! It was SO NICE! I LOVE Viola and Tula's relationship SO MUCH! How Viola sees Tula as a role model for her own self! I'm- It's so amazing! Tula and Viola are definitely my faves this season! I just can't with them! Rashawn did such a GREAT JOB with this season and I want to see her in more seasons! She gets so involved and attached and I can't even explain how much I enjoyed her in this season!! 😭✋

Also, Lila trying to comfort Ava near the end because Lila felt a little bad for her. Ava was getting cornered, but...the reason Ava gives for thinking and feeling that way...it kind of makes sense? Even though it's not the best thing to say or even think about and put onto yourself mentally. About like, when something bad happens, just finding someone to put blame on or saying that you haven't done enough or telling your own kids that when they lose someone. That's so tough. It's not right. But I can see why someone would feel that way. It's like- always wishing you could've done more. Because if you did more, then things like that "won't happen". But the truth of the matter is that sometimes things are just out of our control...and we have to have an understanding of that. Sometimes there really just isn't anything that could've been done. :/ As sad as that is...that is basically what Thorn was describing to Ava. Sometimes, life just HAPPENS! And you can't do anything but stand and watch.

I love how this season is scary but is also able to explore these super interesting family themes! I love it so much! It's so relatable in multiple ways and it's insane because these are stoats! It shouldn't be this relatable but it really is! I love watching shows that involve strong family dynamics! (One of the many reasons why I also love "The Umbrella Academy"!)

Family is strong! And it's so cool to see a family grow mentally, emotionally, and physically! My relationship with my family isn't the best. But it's cool to see the people inside of a family trying to talk things out and improve their relationships with each other so that they can finally bond and become stronger! 🥺 The messages here are so strong and powerful and I don't even know how else to say it or explain it in words! 🥺🥺🥺 This has been such a strong, and heartfelt season! 😭✋❤️

[yandere-fics]

♡ How She Handles Taking The Knot In Your Body ♡

(This is a continuation of a series of asks where Sawyer and reader body swap, warning smut talk and afab genitalia.)

It helped that you weren't experienced with this so you were a lot more willing to just obey her commands, confused by the intensity you felt the moment you woke up and the fact you were in Sawyer's body instead of your own. You were just so panicked that it made it easy for you to listen to her every word first instead of immediately pouncing on her like she probably would have if she were the one in heat. Still it was just a knot, how hard could it be? She saw you take it every time she was in heat and semi regularly even when she wasn't in heat, perhaps it was that overconfidence that led her to currently being on top of well... herself and trying hard not to grit your precious teeth as she lowered herself down. How the fuck did you do this every time? This literally felt insane and was honestly way more painful than it was pleasurable since she wasn't experienced enough to know which angles hurt and which ones don't.

"D-dearest, I-I need help, please?" It felt pathetic to be whining like this when the tip had just barely popped in, you often took the full thing before she started to ask her for help so the fact she couldn't even do this to relieve the aching you were currently feeling in her body felt pathetic. She was the one who put you in heat while you were trapped in her body so she should be the one to help and yet here she was asking for you to do some of the work when you were also in a very confusing and scary situation.

You weren't in better shape however, your fingers were curled tightly in the bedsheets, your eyes closed tightly, probably very disturbed by the sight of you on top of yourself so if she wanted to relieve your pain then she had to suck it up and be the one to do it. She should have fingered herself open before doing this, everything was going wrong and she couldn't figure out how she had ever thought this would be a good idea.

"C-come here." You mumbled. It was kind of weird thinking about letting her ride your face while she was in your body but it was so much worse watching her almost kill herself taking that monstersity with barely any prepwork. You'd be kind of angry if when you switched back to your body finally your body hurt like hell so you could endure this weirdness for the sake of not being in agony later on.

You were actually very disturbed to learn how fucking long her tongue actually was. Sure you knew in theory that when you fucked an insane amount of her tongue went inside you buttttt you never had looked at it and now that you were in control of it, softly licking at your own clit as she hovered above you, you started to realize that it was freaky big. You had always been way too focused on her giant knot to realize her tongue was also monstrous. It was best not to think about it, all of this was incredibly disturbing and you were finding out just how irritated Sawyer must of felt all those times she could directly shove her knot right into you. Maybe you'd tease her a little bit less next time.

The prepwork only really took a few minutes with how easy it was to maneuver and flex her tongue but for you it felt like hours where her cock throbbed hungrily, begging fo the main thing to finally start. You had to admit seeing your own blissed out face did make you realize why she was always so determined to do it cowgirl or missionary style. That was yet another revelation it was best to lock deep inside and not think about ever.

"Okay let me try that again dearest." You clutched her when she tried to position herself for riding again, this really was not the best plan of hers, if she did it like that it would go deeper and would hurt more so it really was best for you to be on top even if she wanted to be the one to relieve your pain.

"Babe, it's a really bad idea, you should let me handle it." Though you weren't sure if you would be any better with how desperately you just wanted to ram straight inside, this really was an awful situation the two of you were in. You'd slept with her a million times but this whole thing was making you start to feel like a virgin.

"Don't worry dearest, I can do this. Just sit back and aahh r-relax." She squeaked as the tip popped in, her knees involuntarily bucking and causing her to slip and take half of it already. You had to grab her hips frantically to stop her from take the whole thing in an instant as tears welled in her? eyes... This whole thing was just so weird, you had never seen Sawyer even tear up before so seeing the first time she teared up being in your body was an experience. Meanwhile you were 100% not going to last very long with the way things were going. Sawyer was a saint for always managing to last as long as she did with you. You'd have to kiss her feet and like, suck her dick or something as a reward once you finally went back to your correct bodies.

"Stupid, I told you it was a bad idea!" You cringed as you thought about how sore you were going to be when you got your body back all because she was not taking proper precautions, she was literally in your body, would it kill her to not wreck the thing before returning it to you?

"I can take more, j-just let me continue." She whined softly trying to force her hips down more, gasping as her hips finally pressed against the knot. She wasn't sure why she underestimated the size so much, if it hurt so much just to take her cock then obviously her knot which was much bigger would be a beast to take.

"W-we don't have to do the knotting, it's be too much on you, let's just skip it." Although you were pretty sure skipping it would kill you considering you were biting the inside of her mouth just to keep yourself from shoving her down onto it right this very second. Her will power had to be so strong because whenever you said you didn't want the knot she would always stop and respect it meanwhile you felt extremely impatient even if you knew it would have major consequences of your body later.

Your hips bucked involuntarily and she gasped, your walls clenching around her cock and she collapsed against your chest. "Oh, do that again dearest, j-just like that, I p-promise I can take the knot, no issue."

That was a complete lie, her insides felt like they were being torn apart but in the best way and she never wanted this to end even if the possibility of the knot going anywhere near her terrified her. You were completely stupid and just wanted to blow your load at this point though so you pretended not to know it was an obviously lie and knotted her anyway, your hands moving to clench the bed sheets again last second to help her nails from digging into your hips. Well that was certainly an experience, you just hoped your bodies switched back soon, though maybe it could happen after the knot settles, it would be weird to switch back and be on her knot suddenly.

[tatumslollipop]

♡ Soon Darling ♡

Pairing: Yandere!Wanda Maximoff x Witch!Reader

TW: Stalking, Badly portrait witchcraft,bad grammar, and mentioning of death and cancer

Something has been following me for the past months. I never saw the person but I just know it's there. It's been freaking me out so I stayed at my friend's house for the last few weeks after not feeling safe alone anymore. Sometimes I get these visions of someone whispering stuff in my ears that I can't seem to understand and them caressing their hands gently over my shoulder. It's been happening more in the last weeks. And this night I heard what the person was saying "Soon we will be together again. Soon darling".

I've been telling myself that i'm just going insane but I can't convince myself to believe this anymore. My Mom was a witch she teached me the basics of witchcraft until she past away a few years ago due to cancer. That's why I now only live with my dad, he works in a office so he's away most of the time so I learned to take care of myself. I am now at my house. My friend drove me here so I can get some things like clothes and other stuff. When my mom died she left me a box of her belongings, she told me to open it when i'm 18. My birthday is tomorrow so I am already taking it with myself. Then I grabbed some more stuff I needed and my friend and I drove back to her house. Her Mom and my Mom have been friends since middle school so we went to her house often and me and Victoria got friends quickly. Her mom is also a witch and she is too. "Are the visions getting worse again?" She asked while driving. "Yes, I can't really get sleep anymore. I'm scared. I think we should really do that spell you wanted to do." I said. Victoria advised to put a protection spell over me so no magical being could get to me or reach out to me.

When arriving at her house we immediately got everything ready to do the spell. I lighten the candles while she is pouring holy water around the circle to shield it from any bad spirits. When practising the spell I could feel something inside of me fighting to stay inside of me. It's trying to take over me. It's stronger than anything I have ever fought. The earth started to shake, we started to levitate and my friend was continuing. After what felt like an eternity I fought it. And we finished the spell. It was like nothing I have ever felt before. I felt so strong. My friend looked at me stunned. "What?" I said confused and giggling. "Your eyes they turned purple. There is only one witch that can do that. The Violet Witch. I thought it was only a myth." She said shocked. The Violet Witch is the strongest witch there is, even stronger than The Scarlet Witch. She died a long time ago but said to return again. So this is now. "No that can't be true the Violet Witch isn't real." I continued talking but then I got an idea. I grabbed the box my mom gave me and opened it. Inside of it were a letter,books and jewelry. I opened the letter and it says:

Dear Y/N,

if you are reading this then I am dead and you are 18 and have to face the truth. All my life I wanted to protect you from your faith but I learned I couldn't. You are the Violet Witch. It might seem scary and hard but you need to face your destiny. In the jewelry box is a necklace out of amethyst and it's for protection it tells you when there is a danger around by changing it's colour to red. The books are magic books they have all the knowledge of witchcraft and magic inside of them. But I know you can't do this alone so I asked a old friend of mine to help you with your journey and finding out everything about your power. Agatha Harkness. She is the only one I could trust with this mission. She is gonna take you today and teach you. I hope you'll find peace with yourself. I will always love you. Stay strong and safe for me.

Mom

I could feel cold tears running down my face while reading this. "What does it say" Victoria asked. "My m-mom... she-" I cried and then I felt warm arms wrapping around me. "It's okay" She said gently. After a few minutes I calmed down so much I could tell her about what was written inside the letter. "Do you know this Agatha Harkness?" she asked her I just shook her head. "Maybe my mom knows her. Come on, let's ask her" She said taking my hand and leading me to her mom inside their living room. We immediately got greeted by her mom with a big smile "Hi Kids. What's up?" "We wanted to ask you if you know a Agatha Harkness?" "No- I don't know her" Her mood seemed to have changed instantly when hearing this question. I knew something was up but I didn't want to bother the woman anymore so I simply said "Okay" and walked out of the room with Victoria to her room again.

"That was weird" she said while sitting down on the bed "I never saw her like that" she continued while fidgeting around with her hairbrush on her bed. "Yeah it was" I answered her. Then I let myself fall on the bed beside her "This is all so crazy. I mean one day you get stalked by some magic being and the next you find out you are an super witch. I don't know how to deal with this" "I know this might seem hard but I will always be there for you." "Thank you Vic. You're the best." I said and then hugged her. I never wanted to let go. It could stay like this forever but I knew it wouldn't. After some time of shit talking and playing games it was time for us to fall asleep. I made myself ready for bed but couldn't sleep the words of the unknown woman still hunting me.

"Soon we will be together again. Soon darling"

I mean what is that even supposed to mean. Again?. I don't even know her. Or do I?

A/N: This is a little different from the normal marvel comics and movies but I hope you don't mind too much. Should I make a part 2?

[mamayan]

Warning: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat•NSFW•Yandere•Dark Themes•BNHA/HxH

Just a short list of yanderes you’d be better off dead than getting taken by, ranked least to worst in my opinion. This is VERY dark, and will describe ways these yanderes may accidentally or intentionally kill you. I keep it theoretical because I don’t like it too much either but you won’t see me willingly write these characters as yanderes much because they are SCARY.

Let me know if you want a part 2, and feel free to throw in comments of those you think would make the “better dead than alive with them” list!

First up on this list is Izuku Midoriya, a delusional yandere with a wildly deranged way of treating you.

He first and foremost, does not care if you love him or not, he’s going to make you act like you do though (which is torture itself). Izuku is a caretaker sort of yandere, but he’s abusive in going about it. Not being good in the bath? He’s dislocated your shoulder so you settle down. Wanna be mouthy and not eat the dinner he’s trying to feed you? He’s dislocated your jaw/slapping you so hard you spit blood/ gut punching you.

He’s also very much into your tears, but it’s up to you how you cry in the first place. Whether it’s from pain, fear, sadness, happiness, or overwhelming pleasure, Izuku loves your tears. He loves any reactions he can draw from you that makes you cute and vulnerable for him. He will absolutely break bones and even make you watch him harm your loved ones to make you comply. He won’t kill you, no never, he loves you, but if you make any sort of mistake… he’ll make you wish he didn’t love you so much.

When you do become compliant and obedient, because he will make you, it’s hell then too. He goes crazy with a power trip when you willingly (not really) submit to him. He will humiliate and degrade you (without ever cursing at your or even using words like slut/whore/worthless/etc.) “You look so cute on your knees like that, and look! You did it all by yourself this time, such a good pet, I’m so proud. You didn’t even wet yourself or make a mess this time!” He’ll remind you of the time he knocked the literal air from your lungs to drop you to your knees, which caused you to be unable to control your bladder.

He’s damn creepy too and won’t let you use the bathroom alone, sometimes won’t even let you wipe. And no, this isn’t just reserved for urine. The first time you held it so long and accidentally pissed yourself out of retaliation, he forced you to wear a diaper for a month until you were “potty trained” again.

Sex with him is not mild either nor does he care if it’s consensual, he makes you beg for your release or risk being edged until you go insane. He won’t let up. He’s also a big man as an adult, and he’s not inclined to be gentle in bed with you.

His treatment is a disgusting combination of infantilization and straight brutality. He will simultaneously make you act/feel like a helpless infant, and if you don’t comply with that treatment or lash out in any way, he’s fucking you up. If you put up a fight long enough, it could enrage him and cause him to accidentally snap your neck in his attempt to force you to calm down.

10/10 a yandere I personally would rather die than have. He’s awful. Delusional and thinks he’s doing nothing wrong, he’s the #1 Hero! He can’t do anything wrong! A literal monster. Comfort yourself inside though that you as a darling to Izuku would act as a barrier preventing him from unleashing his unhinged sadism on the world. Instead it’s you that gets that burden. In your own way, you’re a hero too. Tread with caution.

Next on this list is Shizuku Murasaki, don’t let her cute looks fool you, she is an absolute nightmare to have as a yandere for two very specific reasons.

She’s forgetful and forceful.

Shizuku will kidnap you, lock you away from the world, and then forget about how long she’s been gone from home. In her mind, it’s only been a few days, you should have plenty to eat. What she fails to remember is how impossible it is for you to escape or call her or anyone for help, as all the food disappears and the water shuts off due to her not paying the bill. Starvation and dehydration have nearly killed you multiple times. To the point you cry and beg, have severe panic attacks, when she leaves you for even a moment. Shizuku will also mistake this behavior for love, and while so cruelly cooing and soothing you, tell you she’s only going for a few hours a few weeks.

When you aren’t worried for your next meal and survival, she’s also terrible at providing you with even basic necessities like tooth paste, soap, laundry detergent. Her forgetfulness in paying water/electricity/sewage is also a major downfall in your comfort. You’ll freeze in the winter and possibly die of heat in the summer. She forgot to give you extra blankets.

Oops.

Trash has piled up and grown moldy?

Oops.

No water to shower or drink in days so you’re forced to get water from the toilet and use a bucket for your waste?

Oops.

Passed out from lack of food or nutrition?

Oops.

She’s downright a menace when it comes to taking care of you, but somehow extremely good in keeping you locked up. You have permanent damage to your nail beds from trying to claw your way through the wood of the front door. You might be saved from punishments because she’s lazy in that regard, and while she doesn’t hit or yell at you no matter how nasty your behavior, there is no denying she takes what she wants. You’re hungry and dehydrated? That needs to wait, she wants to cum and she wants to do it on your face. You feel disgusting and caked in your own sweat and grim from a week with no shower? She wants to use her new strap she picked up, so it needs to wait.

You’ll live in constant fear of dying due to her neglect and it will be a painful, lonely, and sadistic end.

11/10 sadistic without even meaning to be. The severe neglect will kill you eventually, it’s a slow and agonizing end you can’t help fighting whether you like it or not. You’ll die in your own filth, maybe from a combination of air toxicity, infection, starvation, and dehydration. Better to off yourself early if I’m being honest. She might even forget you died in her grief when she finds you, so don’t expect a proper burial, she’ll let you rot in the bed until another Troupe Member (sadly likely Phinks) has to remove your corpse and clean up.

Next we have, Overhaul, or Kai Chisaki on this list. Don’t let his handsome appearance fool you, while he may be beautiful, inside he is mentally ill to the extreme. You think he’s a bad man for abusing and torturing a little girl?

Kai is just as strict of a yandere as Izuku, but combined with his warped view of you and his OCD, it turns downright terrifying. He kills everyone you love before he takes you, because in his eyes they are literal vermin that only wish to taint and ruin you. He will calmly explain in detail who he killed and how he did it to you. If that isn’t enough, any pets you have? Dead. Immediately. They’re filthy animals that will taint you. Human contact? Forget about it. You will never feel skin on skin contact again in his care, not even his. I see a lot of depictions of Kai being a sex god as yandere, but as a real one? Even in his own eyes, he’s not worthy of touching you. He exults you to such a degree that you aren’t even really human in his eyes. Of course, you’ll be treated like the finest glass porcelain doll ever crafted, but aside from sitting on a shelf to rot for the rest of your life, then nothing else is happening. You’ll likely go insane in his care, because of the stark white room he’ll keep you in, so devoid of germs or bacteria it’ll be nauseatingly clean. The lights will go off for you to sleep for only 8 hours, but after that it’s fluorescent lights glaring at you for the remaining 16 hours of the day. Your bathroom won’t be any reprieve. You’ll have absolutely no personal comforts. Food will be the SAME THING for every meal, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and so bland and boring you’ll struggle to accept your new life.

Kai, like Shizuku, is also a yandere that wont hit you… but he’ll use his quirk on you. He’s not above taking you apart violently and putting you back together over and over and over.

Eventually you may even try to anger him just for him to take you apart. To feel something. He provides no entertainment. None at all. Have fun with your own mind and solitude in that white room.

Kai is also the most likely to have a mental break, so if you cross a certain line, he may kill you accidentally. Things like trying to seduce one of his men (for escape purposes), trying to harm yourself, trying to harm him, being filthy (you might cringe at the thought of wiping your own feces on the walls, but eventually shame and embarrassment will leave you).

He’s most likely to snap and try and clean you himself, your act of rebellion by dirtying/hurting him/harming yourself will likely leave you in a situation of…

a). He accidentally drowns you in his panicked state of washing you.

b). He uses some type of chemical (bleach) which leaves you severely injured/burned and you succumb to your wounds before medical attention can save you.

Kai is out of his damn mind, thinks of you as if you are a God/Goddess, and if you break that delusion, he will snap. I also think he’d preserve your body somehow, and you’d end up in a Snow White case so he can always look at you.

12/10 batshit crazy and very scary. No human autonomy. I just can’t help but think he’d 100% use bleach to try and “clean” his darling and that’s not a fun way to die at all. Also, his form of worship is so skewed and warped it leaves nothing but a bad taste in my mouth. He’s the idolize and stick on a shelf type, a very lonely and isolated way to live. At least Shizuku let’s you watch TV when the cable/electrical bills get paid. Kai won’t even let you have a book. Prisoner of war PTSD which will eventually lead to real insanity from that white room and isolation if Kai doesn’t kill you first.

[flowersinurdustbin]

Have you ever confessed your love to someone? I did. I begged them to love me, but there is no forcing love. I never received a response. My letter went like this.

Hey You,

It’s hard knowing that someone like you exists. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you exist. Yet you’re out there in the world, and I can’t seem to forget about you. But like Dr. Suess said, don’t be sad it’s over, be happy it happened, right?

I’m writing this letter because I’m not sure when we will meet again, and I don’t think I’m capable of holding onto my truth in silence any longer. I love you, and I miss you. I love you like fire loves water. I miss you like I miss home. It is a feeling I can’t put words to, but I know I am still in love with you.

There’s no expectation for you to reply, but I need you to know that I feel this way. I don’t love you rationally, meaning I’m not about to argue that the problems we used to have would magically go away. And I’m not hurting from the breakup. This isn’t coming from a place of lust. What continues to hurt is my own denial of these feelings.

When I begged you to stay all those months ago, I didn’t know what learning to be alone would be like. I was so scared of the unknown. I was scared to lose you, and therefore to lose myself. In learning how to be alone, I had to come to terms with the depth of my love for you. I lost myself, and I found myself again. And who I am now is still someone who loves you.

I wonder how my feelings persist, considering the amount of time it’s been, but I do not wonder why the feelings persist. I love you because I can see the future in you. I don’t mean a future together, necessarily -- I mean the future of the world. Your kindness, your grace, your laugh, your nature, are one-of-a-kind. Your existence is proof that the world can be a good place.

Truthfully, I am probably insane for still loving you. But this year, I learned that being authentic and honest is worth any price, even that of rejection. I learned how to hold onto love and optimism despite fear and pain.

When I think about you, it is in two senses. First, in the ‘someday, maybe’ sense. I hold onto a hope that if we were ever to cross paths again, and it was truly right, we could have a healthy love. Mainly, I don’t worry about it ‘working out’, though. Realistic or unrealistic, I want to be more than friends. That’s the second sense; I do want to be with you.

You’re still in my head and my heart. From what I can tell, you don’t feel the same. However you truly feel, I hope you can be authentic and honest with me.

You know I think the world of you. I love you unconditionally, and unconditional love is scary, but it is also really special. I may not express a traditional kind of love, but I’m not a normal person. Independent, yet emotional. Strong, yet sensitive. Intelligent, yet aloof. I’m a screwed-up kid, but my heart could stretch the lengths of the Earth.

I am a lover, not a fighter. Some nights, the memories of arguments past cross my mind. I have to apologise for the pain I caused you. I am sorry. I never wanted to fight with you. I wanted to love you and feel loved in return.

Everyone deserves to feel emotionally understood in a relationship. In the past, I felt misunderstood by you, and I misunderstood you, too. But I’m no longer looking for ‘happiness’ as feelings of elation in a hopeless romance. I’m searching for happiness as contentment, peace, fulfilment, understanding in a soft, stable, and supportive romance.

Human connection is one of the only certain meanings of life. I feel a real connection with you. If I didn’t tell you, I wouldn't forgive myself.

You might be interested in somebody else. You might be interested in nobody, just taking care of yourself. You might tell me it’s one-sided, or be completely caught off-guard. You often say that you don't feel much emotion, but clearly, I feel emotions for you. Whatever the reality, don’t let this be cause to worry. I only want you to know the truth.

No matter how you receive this, I hope you think of me as someone who loves you, depth over distance. Life is short, and the days are long. I can't waste time waiting anymore. If you love someone, tell them, right?

Yours,

t

[valentinoappreciator]

Doing hard drugs for the first time with Valentino 💞

Valentino grins at you as you enter his living room. You're visibly nervous; tugging at your earlobe and biting your lower lip. Yet, for all your nerves, if not downright fears, your steps are measured and confident as you walk over to sit next to him on the massive, overly spacious, red leather couch. Your high heels click against the polished floor.

"Good girl," he grins, immediately grabbing your chin to force you to look at him. He kisses you roughly, and the taste of his cigarettes lingers on his tongue as he shoves it down your throat. It makes you moan without even thinking, without even needing a script.

Your eyes close, and only when Valentino laughs mockingly, do they open again. Realizing you must've looked comically blissful, you blush a bit.

"So, baby cakes," he purrs and strokes a long, clawed finger down your cheek, "I hear from... reliable sources, that you've never done drugs. Are my sources to be trusted on this? Have you really never tried anything fun?"

You shake your head.

"N-No, I haven't. Some guy at my previous job offered me weed, but I... refused."

Valentino tilted his head slightly, grinning, but clearly confused.

"And why did you refuse, honey?"

"Well, I... he was a colleague. I wanted to remain professional with him. I didn't know him. If I'm to do drugs, I want it to be with someone I trust not to hurt me."

"Aawww, and you chose me to do drugs with for the first time? Darling, you flatter me," he purrs, tilting your head back with a finger under your chin. He kisses you again, but this time without tongue. There's not tenderness to it, because Valentino doesn't do tender, but, you think to yourself, if it was anyone but Valentino, it would have been tender.

But you don't want anyone but Valentino.

No, you want him. With all his deranged talk, all the debauchery he has you put up with. It's all him, and that's who you want. It's who you desire.

"Yes," you breathe against his lips, closing your eyes a sliver once more.

"Well then," he grins and pulls back, simultaneously pulling out a small bag of white powder from a pocket in his long coat.

Your heart skips a beat, and you suck in a breath. Valentino hears, of course, and skewers you with his sharp gaze.

"Nervous?"

"Yes," you repeat.

He grins.

"Aaww, baby, no need to be. Daddy will take good care of you. Don't I always?"

"Yes, Daddy. You always take such good care of me."

His grin widens, pulling his eyes into narrow, red slits. From another coat pocket, he withdraws a folded stack of bills. They're as crisp as a winter morning back on Earth. Probably as new as they come, too. Hot off the press.

"Now, doll," he begins in a sultry drawl, removing the clip from the money, and puts the notes on the coffee table. "You just let Daddy take care of this, okay? Don't want nothing to happen to my favorite girl, now do we?"

You giggle nervously.

"Of course not, Daddy."

"That's a good girl."

He shakes out a - to you - sizeable amount of coke. When you had said that you had never tried hard drugs before, you had assumed you would start out with a small dose. Not... this much. This looks like it could and would put you six feet more under the ground.

But, being a good girl, you don't say anything. Nothing to disturb Valentino as he uses some of the bills to line up the coke in several neat lines. Nothing to suggest that you're getting cold feet. Because, oddly enough, while it is scary, you aren't getting cold feet.

No, you're actually... excited about the idea of doing drugs with Valentino.

So, when he pulls you between his long, skinny legs, asking if you're comfortable, you snicker and nod.

"Yes, Daddy. Very comfortable." As if to emphasize just how comfortable, you snuggle back against him with a loud, dramatic sigh of content. He purrs, kissing your cheek.

"There's a good girl," he murmurs. With his insane height, he can easily loom over you, and he does. His body towering above yours, two of his hands help yours to grab a bill.

"Here, baby," he coos. "You want to do it like so." He shows you how to fold the bill to form a sort of tube. For once, he is actually gentle with you as he guides you.

"That's it. And then you just sniff it up into your pretty, little nose."

You're trembling - quite a lot, actually - by now, but Valentino is stroking your back and hair soothingly.

"All.... all of them, Daddy?"

He laughs. There's no mocking undertones this time.

"God no, baby! I don't want you to die again, however temporary that might be. No no, you start with this one," he points out a small, thin line in front of you, "and then you can do this one, if you're feeling brave." He points to another line, roughly the same size as the first one, but maybe a bit thicker.

You nod and swallow heavily.

"O...Okay."

He squeezes your shoulders before letting go of them again.

"No rush, baby doll. You can take your time," he purrs into your ear. "Daddy won't be mad. Promise."

You smile weakly.

"Thank you, Daddy," you mumble.

Squeezing the crisp bill a bit tighter, but without crumbling it, you lean down over the table. You position the hole of the tube over the start of the line, the other end of the tube at your left nostril.

"Remember, move quickly. Don't give the scary thoughts time to settle, baby." He sounds... excited.

You nod slightly and let out a deep, careful, shaky breath.

Then you do it. Moving quickly, while sniffing deeply, you end up snorting the entire line without difficulty. However, it stings something awful, and you wince once you sit back up.

Valentino is instantly over you, pushing you on your back and shoving his tongue in your mouth once more. You moan excitedly, grabbing the front of his coat, and return the kiss as best you can.

"That's it. I knew you could do it, baby," he purrs once he pulls back. "I knew I did right by making you my favorite."

The coke isn't kicking yet, but you know that Valentino has access to, and only dishes out, the purest drugs. Something tells you it won't take long before you're high out of your mind.

[chartreuseian]

Heyyy :) for the fanfic writer ask, how about 🍄, 🍩 and 🍊

Hi 😁 thank you!! These are such good ones too!

🍄How do you come up with ideas for your stories?

Uh, yeah, look, that's a great question... And one I actually don't know how to answer. Because I honestly have no clue. Some of them pop into my head as complete concepts, sometimes there is a specific scene that I can visualise that it all comes from, and sometimes it smacks my upside the head without a lot of warning.

A few have come from songs (Love Don't Die is the one that springs to mind + parts of the Valentine's Day series I did this year), but a lot of recent ones have come from entirely unhinged conversations with other super nerds like myself 😆

🍩What advice would you give to aspiring fic writers?

OK. I'm going to put my teacher hat on here. This is the advice I give about writing in general, though it certainly applies to something like fanfiction where it is entirely self motivated (as opposed to me threatening to call your parents because you're not doing the work I set in class):

Just start writing. You can't get good, you can't even get better without actually doing it and doing a lot of it. You're going to write a lot of really awful stuff on your way to getting better, and that's OK because with every single thing you write is going to help you write something different or new or better next time. Don't be afraid to start over, to throw things out, to discard ideas and open up a fresh document when you know it isn't working - never delete anything, but never be afraid to start over. Every time you rewrite something it will get better and more focused and if you cling to the idea that you have to keep everything then you'll never get to see what it could truly be. And finally - share your writing. Let people see even the terrible stuff because until you can have an open conversation (with constructive feedback, not nasty haters so choose how and where you ask for feedback wisely) about your work and listen to feedback from those who support your vision, you're going to get stuck in a loop and your progress will be so much slower than it could be. It's scary but embrace the fear and you'll go far!

🍊What's a story that changed significantly from its initial idea to the final draft?

Hmmm... I mean, the desk-capades were certainly never intended to turn into such an insane ride. It came from a single conversation about offering desk smut in exchange for couch smut and somehow it ended up consuming most of my life this month.

In terms of ideas though, I don't often find there is a big plot change part way through. Generally I have a clear enough idea in my head of what I'm trying to do that, while it might get longer or shorter or shift focus a little, the underlying story generally ends up where I figured it would.

I think in part this is because I'm a firm believer in knowing the endign before you start writing - I learned the hard way too many times that if you don't, you'll end up writing yourself into a corner! (not that I take my own advice all that much on this one)

[tutantmeenageneetleteetle]

Hi there! If it's not too much to ask, could I request how the boys would react if they found out their S/O was captured by Shredder and used as bait to lure the Turtles out? I'd also really love if you could include them saving their S/O and being super protective and comforting over them afterwards. Thank you so so much! <3

Thank you for your request! I was so caught up in writing it I almost forgot to say thank you for your request! Also I had a lot of fun writing this request (well, as much fun as you can have with an angsty request), I felt like I was just really there if you know what I mean...

Leo

You know calm Leo? Yea forget about that, he doesn't exist anymore

He's anxious and so angry at himself for putting you in danger

He feels like he should've watched you better, made sure you were safe

I mean his lifestyle might cost you your life

He doesn't sleep, and won't let the others either

Busy with a rescue plan literally 24/7

His brothers are exhausted and annoyed, but above all they worry about him

Leo gets very focused for important missions and pushes himself too hard, but never like this

After the rescue mission was successful, everyone can finally get some rest

He will make sure you're okay, taken care off and will do anything you want but after that he will request you take a very long, well needed nap with him

When he woke up, he looked around anxiously, making sure you were there and that he didn't accidentally dozed off and saving you would just be a dream

He will feel guilty for a very long time, so you'll have to reassure him that this is the lifestyle you chose for yourself and you knew the risks that would come with it

He will get really bossy over you and demand you'll live in the lair with them for a period of time

But you have to remember, this comes from a place of love, even if it drives you crazy

Raph

Full on breakdown

Usually he's angry, but right now he's just freaked out completely

He will have panick attacks and will be hyperventilating and crying

And that's not very like him to do, especially not in front of people, but he's just broken man

He just feels like everything is falling apart and feels so helpless

And he knows he can't take shredder on his own, he tried

But if it means saving you, he would give up his life

When you've returned to him safely and unharmed, he'd be so relieved

He will cry once more, as a way to release all of the stress from his body, but after that he's pretty good at letting it go

He will be more appreciative of you being around him as he missed you so much and he will let you do whatever you want

It doesn't matter what you do, he just can't be angry at you after almost losing you scared him so much

He will do whatever you ask of him

Donnie

Silent

So silent it's scary

He will not even look anyone in the eyes until absolutely necessary and is in survival mode

He will find out everything he needs to know in order to save you, do it time efficiently and will use everything he kept as his secret wapen or backup plan to save you

He will calculate exactly how little time he can waste on sleep and food and still be capable of putting up a good fight against the shredder and his henchmen

Once you're saved, that's when the emotions come

He will just cry in your arms and keeps promising he won't let it happen again and that he will take care of you

Mikey

He's just so freaked out

He's just not himself, he's quiet, tired, on edge and just lost his whole chill

His brothers usually want mikey to shut up but him being this quiet was unsettling

He clings to Leo because he's the one making the plan and anxiously asks about it every 5 minutes

Drives Leo insane but he also feels really bad for Mikey so he let's it slide

Raph tried to cheer him up but it seems impossible

As long as Mikey knows you're out there, being in danger, he can't smile

He will do anything Leo asks of him, in the hopes they will be able to save you quicker that way

Once the mission is over he will not leave your side

He will touch you day and night for a really long time

He will even go to the toilet with you if you let him

It will take him some time for him to be chill with you going outside, even with him around

[lizsurvived]

I have to admit, no one knows about my secret lil tumbler about what happened to me. The people in my life know it happened but no one else; but they have no clue I'm doing this. Ig its because I know it's intense. But honestly, idk if anything will come of this tumbler. But either way, I think it's important that I keep writing.

My current partner (not my monster of an ex) is the kindest, gentlest and most caring and affectionate man. I love him so much. I hope it lasts forever lol, we are so alike and we have so much fun together. We respect each other and are very communicative. He's aware of everything that happened with my ex.

I still can't really believe it happened.

What's worse is that I had gone back to see him yet again, a week after it happened. I know. What the fucking fuck was wrong with me, you're asking yourself. I'm asking myself the same thing. I must have had insane Stockholm syndrome... He was very manipulative. I was manic and completely alone in the world with no friends or family who I could see in person to talk to. Don't worry, I made it out without a scratch that time, and will never go back.

My current partner and I met about 7 months ago about 2 months after I moved closer to my sister. We were off and on for a while because he and I both have mental illness and couldn't seem to communicate well enough. He broke up with me kind of, he claims I was forcing him into doing it. Who knows who was right about that, we we're both so out of it mentally, both of us were all over the place. Now, we are both medicated and it's night and day.

I don't think I've ever known true love until I met my current partner. He is everything a man ought to be. I love him for all of him. The good and the bad (although with him, the good outweighs the bad every single fucking time). I also feel that he and I love each other equally. One doesn't love one more than the other. We love each other completely. He's a nerd which I resonate with lol. And he's extremely talented! I fell in love with him almost instantly. Our bond was strong and our chemistry was everything.

Then he broke up with me one night out of the blue after a month of dating. My sister wrote me off for about 5 months for a while... You have to understand, she and I were best friends my entire life... I had no one to talk to. No one to go to. I was so depressed and so sad... I admit that's when I drove to see my ex. Unfortunately for me, I didn't know that my current partner would later contact me again to reconnect... I definitely wouldn't have done what I did. I was so love sick... Its hard to explain and it's just... A lot. I know.

My current partner spoke of how he feels guilty.. my sister and I recently reconnected and I felt that I had to tell her what happened while we werent talking. I had to tell her that my first thought when I was about to pass out from being strangled was that I was never going to see my sister again or my family again.

The relief I feel now that my sister and I are talking again... Is so immense. It feels as if I was in an ice bath whereas now my body feels more at ease and my mind feels less burdened.

It's hard not to feel responsible for what he did to me. I knew he was dangerous. I guess I just truly didn't expect anything like that to happen to me. Didn't think he could go that far. People should know about what he did. I'm just too afraid to tell anyone who he is for fear of his reaction if or when he finds out. I'm terrified of him and so should anyone be.

He has put multiple men in hospitals. When he fights he wins. He is scary. He has violent priors. Very manipulative. I'm extremely concerned for his next girlfriend. I'm worried he could definitely kill someone... I have basically no legal leg to stand on except for a t shirt with blood and DNA all over it from that night.

Please. If you know anyone who does pro bono law or knows someone who does, if they think I have a leg to stand on, please drop me a line.

[karofsky]

I'm a big internalizer, because it's what works for me. Usually, things like this are reserved for one of the thousands of journals I frequent, but since I've been a bit wordier publicly this year, it's probably fitting I share this here. I also know that one of my resolutions next year is to be a bit more controlled with what I share-- not that I think sharing is a bad thing, but I've been a bit... explosive with my emotions this year, and while it can be therapeutic in the short term, it's something that ultimately I want to work on. I want to be open and honest, but only from a place where I'm not so impulsive.

So, here's a good bit of things I've experienced and learned from this year.

Water is key. I feel like this is the only way to start this list because it's a universal thing. Drink more water. It helps. If you are like me and chronically are awful with it, stick a straw in a glass. Use a mason jar. It's fun. Your body will thank you.

Crying is good. A bit much sometimes? Sure. Definitely, in fact. I've cried more this year than I have the last 10 combined, which sounds like a lot, but after summer of 2013 I pretty much stopped crying. I do think there is a lot to this personally. Unfortunately, I think some of it is hormonal, which is a reminder of just how far behind I am from where I wanted to be (i.e. my uterus is out for blood--literally-- when it should instead have been halted by sweet, sweet testosterone). But this has also been a year of great freedom for me, and one that I've found a lot of joy in. In fact, MOST of the crying I've done this year has been because I felt like I was allowed to feel things. It's been a slow burn these last few years, but it really did hit its peak this year. And if you were on the end of my What We Do In The Shadows snapchats of me reacting to episodes, my apologies. But it's been a needed release, and I think I'm now in a place where I am less explosive with it.

Health scares are very scary. I'm still avoiding addressing things. I'm terrified, but I know it's necessary, so it will come. But I need a little longer. This is not a proud admission. Do not do this.

Make lists. Make a hundred lists. Make four lists that you use simultaneously that all convey the same information but because they're in different mediums, your brain feels like it can keep track of it. Who cares. Your physical and digital desktops might look insane, but if it feels productive, who cares.

Those negative thoughts remain. This is something I've known for years, but it's a good idea to remind yourself about. I'm in a better place, I'm still here, and I will still be here to the best of my ability. But they happen, and they are real, and it's best to be aware of them. I wish they weren't, but that's a good reminder in itself that I'll be okay. I want to be better, and that's enough.

There will never be "time" to process. Time doesn't stop. Take breaks when you need them, take vacations, go to therapy, hole up in your room, whatever. But life keeps on happening, and it sucks, so you really just have to take it one day at a time. No matter how hard you try, and no matter how much you heal, things still happened, and you have to just move on. From my burnout to my PTSD... it's all still something I experienced. I have to leave it there sometimes, and just keep on going through my life. You can only shrink yourself so much.

Save money. This isn't really for me, because I do, and I will. I pride myself on this. But if you're saving, save more. Spend guilt-free sometimes, maybe even when you "shouldn't", but for the love of god, save some money. Save $100. Save $20. Keep a five-dollar bill in your wallet. Just anything. Even if you're like me and good with money. But also, if you're bad with money. It's a habit and you have to work on it. The world isn't going anywhere and with it remains the need to be financially smart. Just suck it up.

Stop watching shows or movies you don't like. Put down a book three chapters in if it sucks. Who cares. You can come back to it down the line, and maybe it'll be better. But you don't have to waste your time on something you chose to do for fun that isn't actually all that fun. Open a game you want to play only to close it on the menu screen. Shove your dinner in a tupperware if it's not something you want to eat. Whatever.

Shit is just going to happen. Did I go into this year knowing I'd go through anything that I went through? Literally no. Life is insane, and perhaps mine has been a bit crazier than others' lately, but stuff's gotta happen, and is gonna happen. Prepare yourself and your mind to know that, because it's a lot easier to deal with, say, a deadly hurricane headed straight for you or a phone about to explode somewhere it definitely should NOT explode when you play that "when life gives you lemons" Vine on repeat in your head. Sometimes you just get stuck with a bunch of lemons.

Anyway. I love New Year. It's been my second favourite holiday for most of my life. I don't believe in a Great Time Reset or resolutions, but I like the concept of a wiped slate. I will be the same person I was December 31st as I will be January 1st. Just with maybe a little more communal energy of "we can start again". Which is refreshing.

[finnig3n]

Growing up queer in the Balkans

Growing up and being aware that you are different in a way that, at the time, it seemed nobody else was, was insanely hard and fucking scary.

Realising you were something other than straight was so insanely terrifying that words couldn't describe how devastated i was. I spent my early years begging any god ,that maybe, just maybe could exist in this wast fucking universe to make me normal. Because I was never good enough, never normal enough, never just enough for anyone.

Realising i had a huge ass crush on one of my classmates was so heartbreaking. I pretended for so long that i liked the same popular boys everybody else did, but even then i was maid fun of for that.

I dont know what was worse for me , to be honest, the realisation and comming out to myself as a bisexual and a nonbinary person and finaly having the courage to put labels on how i was feeling , or my family , my parents, my grandparents finding out i wanted to look like a boy and kiss girls.

I knew i couldnt tell them, every fucking scenario i played out ended with me either gettting beaten to death or beaten and kicked out.

I planned my escape routs, i had a go bag that I maid for a , just in case they somehow finde out.

It was terrefing and scary and so fucking stress induing that I kept thinking im better off dead then being openly gay.

I never told anyone and it was eating me up inside. It felt like a huge part of me was just slowly dying from the lack of exposure, I felt i was dying.

Finally i had the courage after meeting a friend of mine who was also semi openly gay, to come out as bisexual.

I thought , ok i will just say im bi and the nonbinary trans thing im not gonna mention because what if they dont accept me.

Even now that i came out , and showed people who i actually am, i still feel reserved, and like i have to hide it a lot . Because Bosna is not a forgiving or an accepting place.

I came out in a bathroom of a psych word at 3 am to my mum, absolutely broken and fucked, because trying to explain to my parents that i was severely mentally ill was like trying to tell a fish that if they just try hard enough it can grow legs.

Suffice to say i had a huge mental breakdown and, i will spear you from the gorry details , lets just say it wasnt fun. I knew that this was my only shot at coming out to my parents, they werent there to hit me , i had the cover of a phone, i wasnt at home, and if it all went to shit there was a social worker who could help me get back on my feet.

I know, however stupid and sad and depressing it is going to sound, that my parents only accepted me because they thought i was going to kill myself. And i know that they love to deny it.

Even now they spew so much homophobic shit my way that i dont know how i can stay in the same room as them without crying my eyes out. I guess i just got used to it, even tho it still hurts like a mother fucker.

I mett so many lgbtq people in my country, and the first time i saw and mett a trans person who spoke my language and lived in the same streets and went to the same koffee shops as me, i wanted to cry out of happiness.

I wasn't alone, for the first fucking time, I wasn't alone. We talked about binding and testosterone and how to feel less disphoric, it was the first time THAT part of my life was understood by someone who was also trans.

I love my friends i really do, without them, i wouldn't be here, they are my found family, but they will never understand the trans part of me.

The discomfort and wanting to cut your body parts so you can look yourself in the mirror.

So i guess I'm writing this for that one person who lives in a country where it's absolutely fucked to be any sort of gay. Who, like me felt alone. This probably didn't make a lot of sense but it was just a brain dump so forgive me.

Have a nice day lovely humans. and sorry for the misspellings im disleksisk

Finn xoxo