#I love pour painting but it’s also a lot of wasted paint

[rosicheeks]

Can we see the painting you did? 😊

Not the one from tonight but here’s a few I did the other day 🥰

[daycourtofficial]

His shadows know

Pairing: Azriel x reader | WC: 3.8k | Warnings: none

Summary: His shadows knew you were mates before either of you did and they do everything they can to push the two of you together.

Author’s note: happy 2k kick off day!!! 🎉 this is actually the oldest draft I have - I began writing this in October I think? I loved the idea but got stuck for so long on where to take it so shout out to @tsunami-of-tears for reading it and giving me feedback - this story would be lost to time without you thank you thank you thank you

Being a scholar in the Winter Court had several perks - your home had a rich and deep history, you spent most of your time reading, and you became great friends with your High Lord and newly appointed High Lady - Kallias and Viviane. Your friendship had great perks, one of which was their allowance for you to travel with them to the Night Court. 

Rhysand had spent centuries keeping up the appearance that it was a terrible place to live, that the people were terrible, everything was terrible, leading to none of the high lords ever spending time in the Night Court. After Velaris became known to the other high lords, Viviane wrote immediately to Mor asking for the chance to see the city of starlight. Mor immediately agreed, also requesting for you to come as well. You and Mor were friendly, but she liked you and knew you would love the city.

The three of you winnowed together, being greeted by Rhys, Feyre, and Mor upon your arrival. After some pleasantries, Kallias and Rhysand started speaking about some political matter, so you slipped out and started wandering around the palace, admiring the beautiful architecture and paintings lining the walls. Many portraits hung in front of you - some depicting battles, some depicting members of the royal family. 

You were stopped at a beautiful portrait of their newest addition, Nyx, when you felt a little tug on your arm. You looked down to find the cutest little blob of darkness dancing around your arm. It tickled as it swirled and skittered across your skin. The little shadow made the rounds around your body, swirling around your arms, your waist, your legs - as if it was checking to make sure everything’s okay.

“You are adorable” you whispered to it, when a second and third one appeared. “How many of you are there?” You whispered, unsure if it can even respond.

“There’s no keeping count of them. Or keeping track of them, I suppose.”

The voice startles you and the shadows, who wrap around you, almost trying to guide you to the voice. You turn to see the most devastatingly beautiful male you’ve ever seen - dark, sun-kissed skin covered large muscular arms, massive membranous wings behind him. Light poured behind him allowing the wings to look almost pink from the stretched skin, but everywhere else behind him was cloaked in shadows that moved lazily, slithering across his shoulders.

Hazel eyes look down at you, a smirk on his face.

“Are you in charge of them, I suppose?” You ask, a smile grazing your lips.

“I wouldn’t say that. They don’t always listen to me. They seem to like you, though.”

While you were speaking, a few more joined to inspect you, fast blurs of darkness roaming your skin leaving goosebumps in their cold wake.

“Hmm, maybe they see me as a threat. I can be quite frightening, you know.”

“Frightening? Yes, I can see you’re trying to pinpoint your next target. Unfortunately, I do believe you are wasting your time. Studying Nyx’s portrait won’t help you determine his weaknesses.”

“I’ve actually uncovered quite a lot about his weaknesses from his portrait.”

“Pray tell,” he leans against the wall, studying your face.

“I think his weaknesses include both nap time and bed time, along with his incredibly short legs. Dare I say, he’d be very easy to pick up and maneuver.”

“Unfortunately, you’ve picked a target that is so heavily protected you may never get the chance to see him.”

Your face lights up in delight, “so I am a frightening threat? Why else go through the trouble to hide him from me?”

“Nyx doesn’t like strangers,” his tone was so matter of fact, the shadows peered over his shoulders to watch the exchange.

“Hmm, you could introduce us. Then it’ll be a fair fight.”

“Unfortunately for you, I believe he is napping. And disturbing him from a nap is the worst part of my job.”

“So it is part of your job to wake him up?”

“I have to train him against all these frightening threats that wander the halls.”

“I only see one frightening threat.”

The shadows began dancing between you two, pulling you both closer and closer, until you realized you could put your hand out and touch his face. Your fingers twitched slightly at the intrusive thought.

“And does this frightening threat have a name.”

“Y/n.”

He smiles at your name - you assume he already knew who you were, he just wanted you to say it for whatever reason.

“And does the one who has the terrifying job of waking Nyx have a name?”

“Azriel.”

“And you also aren’t in charge of the shadows, but you provide them with suggestions?”

He laughs as he says, “They usually listen to me, especially when I command them, but sometimes they just find something they like and want to investigate.”

“Is that what happened? They wanted to investigate me?”

“Yes.”

“Why? Did they like what they found out in their investigation?”

“Sometimes they investigate pretty things or things they’ve never seen before. They won’t tell me why they came after you, but they tell me they like you.”

“Can you tell them that I like them? Or can they hear me when I talk to them?”

“They can hear you, you just can’t really hear them.”

“They’re very beautiful.” You were talking about the shadows, of course. Definitely not also about the male in front of you.

“Yes they are.” He says, gazing into your eyes, perhaps speaking about more than just the shadows.

The spell between your shared gaze is broken when a door opens and Mor comes running down the hall. “Oh, good, Az found you. We thought you got lost somewhere,” she sounded out of breath, as if she were roaming the halls for you.

“I’m sorry, Mor, you know I love to wander.” You look at Azriel, his hazel eyes meeting your gaze. “You never know what you’ll find.”

-

It had been a long day. Velaris was stunning, a beautiful gem in an otherwise terrifying sounding court, but you desperately need a warm bath and a few moments of peace. You adored Viviane and Kallias, but you needed to be away from him for a few hours. You needed peace and quiet.

And maybe a few moments to think about the beautiful male you were flirting with earlier.

You prepared yourself a bath, lowering your entire body into the warm water. You tilt your head back, enjoying the warmth on your aching muscles from walking around the palace all day, when you see out of the corner of your eye a tiny little shadow.

“Hello, sweetie,” you coo towards it. You can’t help it - they’re absolutely adorable. They remind you of little pets, but less messy or noisy. One or two of them had followed you around during the day. You weren’t sure if anyone else noticed or not, especially because you didn’t see Azriel again for the rest of the day.

The shadow came to the edge of the bathtub, climbing up your arm, nestling into your hair. “You are a silly little thing aren’t you?” You ask it, with no response. “Will you ever speak to me?” You ask, again with no response. “Will you keep me company?” The shadow didn’t necessarily respond, but you felt the shadow’s agreement as it nestled further into your hair as you sank into the bath once more.

After your bath, with the shadow still keeping you company, you put on a nightgown and decided you wanted to go down to the kitchen to look for some cookies, certain that Rhysand would only have the highest quality of late night snacks. You reiterate your thoughts to the shadow, when the shadow holds you back by your wrist for a moment.

“Is everything alright?” The shadow keeps a hold on you, not letting you go. A moment or two passes, and the shadow lets go, causing you to move forward a little. “I can go now?” You ask, which the shadow ignores again, but doesn’t keep you in place any longer. You walk to the door, opening it only to collide directly into someone.

“I’m so sorry I-“ you’re cut off by the laugh of the beautiful Azriel.

“It’s okay,” he says, and you take this opportunity to glance down and you realize he’s wearing a loose pair of trousers with no shirt on. His bare chest was just as beautiful as the rest of him - black ink trailed across his shoulders in an abstract way that your eyes lingered on. If you weren’t so preoccupied by checking him out, you might have noticed the shadows surrounding him, trying to slow him down.

A small blush creeps down your cheeks as you ask, “is your uh tiny general happy and napping?”

He smirks and says “well I’m not sure about how happy he is, but Cassian is definitely asleep. He’s kept on a separate floor because of how loud he snores.”

You hit him in the chest, “you know I wasn’t talking about - wait he sleeps on a different floor? Is it really that bad?”

He motions for you to follow him up the stairs, and before you’re even halfway up, you hear impossibly loud snoring. “Oh,” you giggle, “yeah I’m not sure how anyone sleeps in the same city block as him.”

“You have no idea. Cassian’s really susceptible to pollen, so during the spring time it’s absolutely ridiculous. We once banned him for a week so we could all sleep.”

You laugh, and then try to shush yourself so he doesn’t wake up. “Stop - if I laugh I’ll wake him up.”

“What are you doing up?” He asks, his hazel eyes looking down at you with such fondness you wanted to curl up in his gaze and rest in it for a while.

“Oh I wanted cookies, actually.” You reply. “Why are you awake?”

He stammers a little, not wanting you to know that he was walking by your door to see if you were still awake. He had wanted to see you again, your earlier encounter occupying his thoughts all day long, when he assumed you had turned in for the night.

“Uh, I was doing a patrol.” He settled on.

“Oh yeah? Wanted to make sure the terrifying threat was contained?”

He smirked, “what do you think I’m doing now? I figure if I feed the threat, it might spare me.” He gives you the sweetest looking puppy dog face, and you have no idea where it came from, but it absolutely melts your heart.

“Stop that!” you say, while hitting his chest.

“Stop what?” He says, continuing his pouting.

“You look like a sad puppy dog, stop!”

“Will it make the frightening threat not want to kill me?”

“Hmm, the frightening threat will leave you be, for now.”

You two head into the kitchen, and he immediately starts searching through cupboards.

“Mor and Cassian have the best cookies,” he says, while reaching the higher shelves to pull out random boxes that contain cookie tins.

“I didn’t know being a spymaster included knowing everyone’s taste in cookies.” 

“You never know what might become necessary information.”

He looked down at you, offering you a cookie. You accepted it, and as your hands were connected by the cookie, a few shadows danced around your arms to some unheard song. He seemed a little surprised at them, his mouth dropping just slightly.

“Are they always this kind to night court guests?” You asked, nibbling on the cookie.

“Only the pretty ones.”

“And do you always flirt with night court guests?”

He leaned in closer, “only the pretty ones.”

You took a step closer, until you’re almost touching noses.

“And do you always commit crimes with your guests?”

His breath was fanning your face. It smelled of sugar cookie and mint, and you think about what it would feel like to inhale him.

“Only you.”

He pulled out a cookie and offered it to your mouth, which you happily accepted. You don’t break eye contact as you grab the cookie with your mouth, pulling it from his fingers.

“I can’t say I’ve indulged in criminal activity with anyone else.”

His grin grows as you bite into the cookie, a few crumbs falling but a few shadows swoop down to catch them before depositing them in the trash.

“Good. I am in charge of catching criminals in the night court, and I’d hate to have to catch you and lock you up.”

A blush spread over your cheeks. You opened your mouth to respond, when Azriel straightened, his wings going rigid.

“Hide the evidence.” He whispered, as he pulled back and quietly put the cookies away back where they came from. Before you can ask him about the abrupt change, you hear loud footsteps coming down the stairs into the kitchen, before seeing Cassian appear.

He looked at the two of you, surprised that anyone else was awake at this hour. Now he was hoping the two of you wouldn’t stay too long so he could reach his secret stash of cookies.

-

During the afternoon the next day, your little shadow companion kept following you around, almost acting as a guide dog. When you came down for breakfast, it guided you into the seat next to where Azriel was sitting, even guiding your hand to grab an apple at the same time as him, causing your fingers to brush against each other. 

Currently the shadow was dragging you through the hallways of the house, into what appeared to be a massive library. It guided you to sit in a chair at a table where there seemed to be some paperwork piled on top. The shadow left you for a moment, returning with a book for you.

“Ah, thank you,” you say, petting at the shadow. It curled around your finger in reciprocation before slithering back into your hair. You began reading the book, only getting a chapter in when someone sat across the table from you.

“The threat has found where I liked to do work,” Azriel stated, looking through his papers. You smiled up at him, “I have to be prepared to strike at any moment, you know.”

He chuckled, a soft look on his face. “Well, if you plan to attack in the library, please try to keep noise levels to a minimum, Clotho gets very upset when I cause too much noise. I’m on thin ice with her.”

“Oh, I see. You have a reputation for hosting parties down here,” you muse.

He looks at you, a lazy grin on his face, “my parties are known across Prythian, only the best, most exclusive guests may attend my library events.”

“And am I on the guest list?” You ask, leaning against the table. “Of course,” he replied, leaning towards you over the table, “you might be a threat, but I’ve heard you’re one hell of a dancer.”

You laugh loudly, then remember where you are and try to quiet down. “I’ll have you know that I’m a lousy dancer, but I would be very interested in attending one of your parties anyway.”

-

The longer you stayed, the more the shadows kept maneuvering around you. Instead of just one you now had a small trio who accompanied you everywhere, hiding in your hair, wisping around your neck and wrists like jewelry when you were alone.

One night at dinner, you’re seated next to Azriel for the fourth evening in a row. You’re not sure if any of his family members pick up on this, but Kallias and Viviane also sit in the same place each night, so perhaps it wasn’t anything noteworthy.

“Can you pass me the potatoes please?”

You knew if you turned to the right, Azriel’s face would be right next to yours and your noses would be able to touch.

“Of course, can’t give you any reason not to trust me.” You winked at him, reaching over for the potatoes. When you turn back, Azriel’s expression has changed ever so slightly, and his eyes search for your face, something you can’t quite pinpoint in his eyes.

“Here you are,” you say, moving the bowl towards him.

“Here I am,” he says, not reaching for the bowl, instead keeping his gaze fixed on you. You laugh, expecting there to be some joke, but he keeps his gaze fixed on you and you find it impossible to breathe with the way he’s looking at you.

Surely someone else notices the way you two are locked in this embrace, but when you quickly glance around the table, no one seems to notice or care.

He reached for the potatoes and looked at them. “How can I be sure you didn’t poison these?”

You laugh, the spell of the moment gone, and you’re able to think properly again.

“I guess you’ll never know.”

He placed the bowl down, smirking. “Better not take any chances then.”

The rest of the dinner continued, everyone amused at Nyx’s babbling and insistence of sitting in Cassian’s lap despite how many times he’s put back into his own high chair, and yet your eyes kept finding those potatoes Azriel never ate, the bowl untouched since he took it from your hands.

-

A quick knock to your door the next morning stops you from packing, and you stride over to open it. “Hi, Azriel,” you say, leaving the door open for him to come in as you turn back around to put your folded clothes away. Several of his shadows move towards you, trying to unfold your clothes when you aren't looking.

“Leaving so soon?” he asks, shutting the door behind him gently, turning back to you with his hands in his pockets. You swat at the shadows, refolding their undoing.

“Unfortunately, my trip always had an expiration date attached to it.”

You breathe deeply, trying to ignore how good he smells when you feel him come up behind you, his chest close enough that you can feel his body heat through your clothes. From behind you, he lifts one of his hands up, almost touching you, but not quite getting far enough before retracting his hand.

He clears his throat, “what did you think of my home court?”

You smile, doing the latches on your luggage. “It’s quite beautiful. Do you get all four seasons here?”

He nods his head in agreement when you turn to face him, not noticing the shadows behind you undoing the latches to your suitcase and unpacking once more for you. “That must be nice,” you muse, “I love Winter, but I am quite tired of the cold.”

“I’m used to the cold, growing up in the mountains you grow quite accustomed to it.”

“Then you’d feel comfortable visiting me in the Winter Court?”

Azriel’s ears reddened at the brazen ask, “I can’t imagine visiting you anywhere and not feeling at ease.”

It was your turn for your ears to redden, but Azriel doesn’t let the silence linger for long. 

“Before you go, can I tell you something?”

Surprise overcomes your face, intrigued by his question. You nod, desperate to know what he has to say before you leave. He looked behind you, watching his shadows unpack your bag and put your clothes back where they had come from in the drawers.

“I was very drawn to you when we first met.”

He clears his throat, his wings twitching with nerves. “I was literally dragged to you. I was winnowing elsewhere, but my shadows brought me next to you. I was intrigued why they’d do such a thing,” one of the offending shadows gently passes over his cheek before making its way to greet you.

“They’re funny little things. I thought they were just annoyed with me because I wasn’t sleeping. And then you spoke to me. You were so relaxed with me, immediately. It’s not- most fae aren’t relaxed around me. And I really liked you.”

“I like you too, Azriel.”

He holds up a hand, silently telling you he’s not quite finished. You hold your hands up in mock surrender, allowing him to continue.

“And then you were everywhere. In the hallway, next to me at meals, on the balconies when I landed. It’s like you knew where I’d be.

“Last night at dinner, when I asked you for the potatoes.. I didn’t eat them after you gave them to me.”

You cock your head to the side, confused at this admission over something as minor as potatoes. “Did you change your mind?”

“No, no. I just- I just- the second you were about to hand them to me, I felt it.”

“You felt it?” Confusion coursed through you, completely unsure of where he was going. You enunciated each word, curious over what ‘it’ was.

“I felt it.” His tone held more conviction, but you weren’t any less confused by what he was talking about.

“What did you feel?”

“This.” And you felt a sharp tug in your chest, pulling you towards him, almost knocking you off of your feet. You gasp, holding your arms out to steady yourself, your hands meeting his chest instead.

“That- what- I-“ you look around frantically, unsure exactly of what that was. You look up, finding soft, slight amusement in his hazel eyes. Shadows swarmed around the two of you, circling your arms, your legs, your fingers. They seemed to be saying something, and you closed your eyes to listen.

Mate. Mate. Mate. 

You close your eyes, looking deep into your chest, searching for that rope, that tether between your souls. It was shadow and ice, wrapped around each other for as far as you could see.

You gave it a sharp tug, and it was Azriel’s turn to lurch forward. You laugh at his stumbling, holding his elbows to keep him steady.

“Is your offer still valid - for me to visit you in Winter?”

“Only if I can come visit you here, mate.”

Azriel’s knees nearly gave out at the name, the title he’s wanted for centuries. And here you were, right in front of him. 

His hand moved hesitantly toward your face, lingering close enough that you could feel the chill from his hand. You nuzzled your cheek into his hand, looking up at him. This beautiful, kind male was your mate.

You had known him for four days - you hardly knew him, hardly knew anything about him or his homeland. But that was okay. You knew his shadows well enough by now.

They were a pretty good judge of character.

Permanent taglist: @vanilla-seabass @cyrygher @lees-chaotic-brain @topaz125 @chessebookgirl @fides25 @lady-of-tearshed @ashbatz @fxckmiup @lilah-asteria @justvibbinghere @daughterofthemoons-stuff @mybestfriendmademe @heartless-tate @tsunami-of-tears @idrkwhatthisisimsorry @olive-main

Azriel taglist: @brieflyclassymortal @thisiskaylin

Thanks for reading! 💕

[oriley42]

Thinking about how House and Wilson have complimentary (or is that awfully contradictory) modes of repression

House's repression is like a wall with seven million layers of paint on it, and he's adding to it fresh, each and every day. He knows damn well what's underneath it, but if he doesn't have to look at it, he doesn't have to deal with it. And this layering is extremely effective at keeping people out, because every time they think they've scraped through the last layer to the "truth," surprise, there's another coat of beige between here and genuine emotion! It drives people who try to love House crazy. (It is also part of why Wilson adores him--the eternal fixer upper.) But by the same token, trying to dig through those layers sometimes yields fragments of real feeling. Those broken, painful shards of admission, actual emotion sneaking through before being quickly painted over again. Lots of chances for the mask to slip, but also endlessly self-renewing.

Wilson's repression is a concrete bunker. He poured the foundations long ago and buried that shit so deep that no one, including himself, can ever find it again with anything short of a C4 detonation. This is why he's like "I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm normal there's nothing down there" and he means it because it's functionally true, he has built who he is on the absence of what he's locked away, until the pressure builds and builds and builds and then it's "AHH I'M THROWING A BOTTLE AT A MIRROR AND I NEED YOU TO TELL ME YOU LOVE ME" because the bunker has been breached and then. Among the ruins. Huh, was that me, I didn't know I was gonna do that?? Haha thank god you didn't take that seriously, because it was all a hoax. *Pours the concrete for a new foundation and buries those feelings like nuclear waste* This is what other people love about him (his smooth, well constructed surface) and what House loves about him (how much effort it takes to break, and how fascinating and unpredictable the results are when he succeeds)

At a meta level, I think the mis/match of these repression styles is a big part of what makes these characters' fascination endure. We noble netizens of fanficland have to do so much creative construction to stop House from frantically re-painting his vulnerabilities out of sight while also holding Wilson back from locking himself in the bunker, just to get them to have one (1) honest conversation, and that is just endlessly rich and interesting!

[privaterecording1clips]

I have been away since the MCC, and I haven't been really posting things or keeping up with the group activity. Imagine my fucking reaction when I wake up on a Sunday morning to Discord exploding over night.

I have some conflicting emotions towards CCs talking so openly about fanfics. Part of me is glad that they acknowledge our existence, like I know a few of them are here, and even seen my own posts, like OMG MY STREAMERS KNOW I EXIST. And fanfics, it's huge! It's a step up from liveblogging and headcanon posts, it's a fanart in its spirit, but painted with words, and similarly poured the author's soul into.

But there's like that thing with...prejudice? I've seen people mention fanfiction in Chilled's streams before, and in yt as well, and there were not exactly positive opinions. I know they were talking about there being very few smut works, but it feels like they were bringing them up the most, and it's just frustrating to not be understood in the right way. After all, everything we do here, and everything we write on Ao3 is us expressing our love and support in the ways we can, none of us have any malicious thought or want to be hurtful and spread hatred or smth.

Do you think there's a world where they could speak of Tumblr/Ao3 part of their community from a bit of a different angle? Do you think that fanfiction should be acknowledged and spoken about more?

(Also, I know it's stupid, but I feel just the tiniest bit salty. I wrote good stuff, why won't they talk about me too?!)

Yeah, I have very conflicting emotions about it too. (Mostly I feel betrayed by whoever was linking Platy fics LMAO)

Tumblr and Ao3 get a bad rap for being “cringe” I guess. Personally I think that they are the only places left on the internet that are well-known and not too corrupted by capitalism and algorithms (especially Ao3 my beloved). But I really don’t give a shit - I hate cringe culture with a passion.

But yeah. It’s the whole thing of like. You can’t post works on the internet and expect people (especially the streamers themselves) to just not see it? Because it’s out in the public. They have every right to view it.

But, I’d personally rather my fics NOT be spoken about on a livestream, in front of thousands of people. That’s just my preference, because honestly the reason I post fics at all is this is a very small fandom, and they won’t blow up or be noticed and judged by multitudes of people. I’m far more comfortable with a small audience, and I would not want my fics to be mentioned on stream where lots of people (far too many for my liking) may go looking for them. (This is why I post more about PR1 than mcyt, even tho I love both equally).

But i think if the streamers are fine with fanfic being posted, I see no reason for people to hate on fanfic??? In fact, I see no reason for people to hate it at all? You can inform someone that a creator is uncomfortable with fanfic/certain types of fanworks and ask them to take it down without being a hater. Decency is not difficult, and when you’re in a fandom that is not against fanfic and stuff I don’t see why you’d ever waste your energy hating on something that literally doesn’t effect you?

It’s the same thing with any type of hate comment. If there’s no reason to be upset by something other than the fact that You Don’t Like It, take some preschool advice and walk away. It doesn’t concern you. (Btw Tasha, I don’t mean you specifically, I mean the Royal You!!! Sorry if this was confusing I just realised lmao)

Sorry for getting pretty serious, but I am just quite upset by people who discourage artists when they haven’t done anything wrong.

That said, if a creator has expressed a desire to not have fanworks made of them, then I implore you to respect their boundaries. It’s just the kind thing to do.

[mobiusstripper]

So I just finally finished Leviathan Falls a few days ago, and I've already mentioned that I was really pleasantly surprised by the way Tanaka was written. Now part of that is just that I'm a big sucker - as both a reader and a writer - for taking apart characters who are irredeemable bastards and seeing what makes them tick. I was really curious to see other fans' takes on her, and it looks like she was pretty polarizing as a POV characters - some of you guys, like me, really loved to hate her (and maybe even dip a tentative toe into feeling sorry for her), and some of you just plain hated her (and that's fine - some people prefer being able to like their POV characters. I'm not one of those people) or thought her chapters were boring (what book were you reading?). However, I haven't seen anyone really say much about the significance of her interest in (love of, really) art and art history. So I wanna talk a little about that.

The takes I've seen have largely come down to either, "It didn't fit with her character and felt really random," which I'm about to disagree with HARD, or "It served as a device to show that there was more to her that meets the eye, and that she could have gone down a completely different path." This one, I agree with, but I also think there's a lot more to it.

(1) So let's talk about why art history specifically. Why not something else seemingly 180 degrees away from being a Marine, like gardening or culinary science? As an artist who takes myself unapologetically seriously, I have had a lot of conversations with an artist friend of mine lately about the intimacy of art. Art is both an expression of individuality and a vehicle of profound, often terrifying, connection. The former is what Tanaka regards as the core of her being, while the latter is anathema to her. She is drawn to art precisely because it exists in a space of tension between her comfort zone and her deepest fears. It is the razor edge that she loves to walk.

I've said before that I think of art as a form of telepathy - you are trying to capture something inside your own mind and externalize it in a way that it is transmitted into the mind of another person. When Tanaka begins experiencing this very literally in a manner she can't control, it's her worst nightmare. But she loves art because it is a version of this that she can control. It's an outlet for her to fulfill the fundamentally human need for connection when it's never been safe (both literally and psychologically) for her to do so through any other means. She learned that as a child when she sought a hug and got a slap in the face instead.

A number of the art pieces she contemplates are emotionally intense. The Third Miko in particularly is memorable because it is a heavy piece, full of vulnerability and grief and dread. These are the kinds of pieces that not only did the artist have to rip themselves open and pour their soul into in order to produce, but the audience is required to do the same to some extent in order to fully experience them. Turning soul-crushing sadness into usable rage isn't alchemy - it's more like a refinement process; it takes a lot of energy, and there is a lot of waste runoff that still has to go somewhere. For Tanaka, that's where it goes. That's the safe place to put it. Inside of someone else's pain, where no one will ever know it's yours.

(2) The other thing I wanted to talk about hinges on a "blink and you miss it" detail that, for me at least, completely reframed the whole picture regarding the "two roads diverged" aspect of Tanaka's life, and that's the casually dropped revelation that she never actually had a choice in the first place. The way this was written, I'm absolutely certain it was a very deliberate choice by JSAC to undermine the assumptions we as readers had been previously led to make.

The "two roads" framing comes up explicitly three times in the book. The first time is in Chapter 24: "Tanaka hadn’t thought about that painting in decades, or about what a very different life she would have lived if she’d made a few different decisions at the start." The next mention is in Chapter 31, when Dr. Ahmadi is reviewing Tanaka's file. She says, "You refused an advanced scholarship in order to enlist." Both of these references frame it very explicitly as a choice. But then, a few pages later, it's revealed that it actually wasn't: "If Aunt Akari had let her study art history instead of enlisting in active service, where would she be right now? And who would be tracking down the high consul? What else—how many thousands of other things—would be different?" (emphasis mine).

This detail and the way it was just slipped in there actually made me feel terribly sad for her because it reveals that this was, in fact, never where she wanted to be at all. This is more a matter of interpretation, but my takeaway was that the whole thing about her preferring a repressive society might be less the truth and more of a narrative she tells herself because she has spent her entire life deprived of any kind of real agency. It's true that someone who has never experienced life outside a pressure cooker environment might rapidly decompress like a blobfish upon being removed from it (I'm reminded of the memoir The Girl With Seven Names, where the author's mother and brother can't adapt to life outside of North Korea and want to go back), but that's less about being naturally well-suited to it and more about being deeply and maybe irreversibly maladapted.

When Tanaka tells herself she loves life under the boot because it gives her something to push back against, she's making the best of a bad situation by pretending her lack of agency is actually just a really sophisticated form of agency. It's because the only love she has ever known is the threat of consequences, with the only realistic alternative being complete apathy. It's the same mentality that makes abuse victims blame themselves - because, in some ways, the version of events where you were totally helpless and at the mercy of a cold, uncaring universe and the passing whims of other people is more distressing than the version where you brought it upon yourself through your own choices and actions. Wanting (and presumably asking her aunt's permission) to study art history, only to be forced to enlist in the marines instead is just another variation of her reaching for a hug and getting a slap. But if someone cares enough to slap you in the face, at least that means they care, right? "Laconia would put two in the back of my head because they care about what I think and do" is still a nicer story than "Laconia would put two in the back of my head because I'm nobody and nothing and completely disposable to them." It also made me wonder what was meant earlier by "if she’d made a few different decisions at the start." What does she tell herself she could have done differently to change a fate that was never in her hands to begin with?

TL;DR Tanaka loves art because it's the only way she can safely experience human connection and emotions besides anger, and it's implied she would have chosen to study art history if her aunt hadn't forced her to enlist.

[archer-accipitridae]

🏹 But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm - Neuvillette 🏹

also, if you couldn't tell by the lyrics in the title, it was heavily inspired by Peace by Taylor Swift as well! <33

🏹 It's finally here! The post that I've been putting off for far too long. Basically headcanons for that one Neuvillette post

🏹 "I've never had a friend before" "I'll be your friend!" "I've never had a girlfriend either..."

🏹 I got a request for baker! reader but a lot for plain old reader, so I'll do mostly just ordinary reader with a sprinkle of baker! reader headcanons.

Our coming-of-age has come and gone Suddenly the summer, it's clear I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it's just around the corner, darling 'Cause it lives in me No, I could never give you peace

If your cascade ocean blue waves come All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details but you gotta friend in me Would it be enough, if I could never give you peace?

It starts with just Neuvillette... seeming lonely.

A chance meeting in the pouring rain.

Poor Neuvillette was just standing there, so you handed him your umbrella, as you didn't mind the rain the tiniest bit, and split a powdery doughnut.

Just standing there until the sun started to clear up.

After a little bit of talking, it was just standing next to each other and eating in silence.

The next day you went and saught him out after a trial, again, it was raining

This time you took a second, home-made nanaimo bar with you just for him

Talked a bit about your days and moved on

Day three you brought kardinalschnitten and poffertjes, just to see his preferences.

The skies seemed clearer after each meeting and the weather was nicer each day, by a tiny bit.

The skies started to clear up much quicker after trials.

You thought he was just an adorable little (well, not little, but whatever) softie man who was sad inside and wanted to brighten both of your days.

He was stressed, lonely, and distressed

You were seeking that sunshine, seeking that happiness, but as you did chaos seemed to always track you down.

There were fun times here and there, yes, you made sure of that, but peace was something you held briefly in special moments.

These little interactions built up after a week or two.

Something you could count on, a little bit of peace and quiet in your life with a creamsicle, peach cobbler, strawberry cheesecake, or whatever else you'd baked that day.

Your integrity makes me seem small You paint dreamscapes on the wall I talk shit with my friends It's like I'm wasting your honor

The trial was... rough, to say the least. Neuvillette was not in a good mood.

That was regular, but...

The child's custody was legally supposed to be with the mother in this case, but if you implement one's moral code in it, the situation feels so, so wrong.

He slipped up, he made a mistake.

Not with the trial, of course.

He forgot about the little meeting of yours.

It was just pouring, all day and a little past midnight.

Having just stood outside in the rain for a few hours holding a warm few cookies, wafting with the delicious (under good circumstances) scent of nostalgia.

He'd forgotten

You were a bit unsure about coming back tommorow

You did anyways, and came with an open mind.

Or at least, you tried to.

The interaction was Neuvillette profusely apologising and you just trying to shove food in his mouth so he could actually shut up.

The Melusines probably wrote it down in their history textbooks as the most amusing interaction between Neuvillette and another person ever witnessed.

He finally stopped when you said it's just your responsibility... if he'd like to be your friend.

"I've never had a friend before..." (Neuvillette)

"Then, I'll be your friend!!" (You)

He looked away BASHFULLY for a few moments

niqtcwuxm3qnoumxxm53i5

"I've never had a girlfriend either.."

The ending is up to you: sugary kisses on each other's faces with sweet powder decorating each spot where lips touched skin, or a bit more angsty of an ending.

And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches Give you my wild, give you a child Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother Is it enough?

But there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me

🏹 I kinda rushed the ending because my mind CANNOT focus on something for that long heehee. OOOOOHHH

🏹 I pulled Neuvillette!!!! OMG I'm so excited but I can't level him :/ grinding we go...

But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm If your cascade ocean wave blues come All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Would it be enough if I could never give you peace? Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

[sbrn10]

Post-weekend thoughts: 24/01/02 edition

1. I am back at work. This is the worst.

2. However, it's pretty slow today so at least it's not the worst. I am thus on tumblr on the company dime.

3. Bought myself a Legion Go as a self Christmas present: I can now play AAA PC games away from my desktop (for about 1.5 hours at a time if not near a power outlet, admittedly, but still!) which really means mostly on the bus to and from work, but given that this is roughly a 1.5 hour trip each way it works out fantastically. Also, since I have a trip to NY coming up next month I will take this instead of my laptop and it will be the best of all worlds! Yay capitalism.

General thoughts: It is pretty heavy - playing it in bed or on the go is a significantly less comfortable experience than something like the Switch. However, the screen is gorgeous and it plays the games I want to play on PC, so. Worth it.

The controllers are a little weirdly sized and shaped for my hands, but not terrible. Would say I prefer them over the Switch joycons but obviously normal Xbox controllers or DualSenses are superior if you have the choice.

The vertical mouse mode I do not think I would use for FPS games, tbh, but for general desktop use or less performance sensitive games that don't have good controller support it's actually pretty good.

So far enjoying it; ask me again in like 6 months.

4. Signed up for a month of gamepass (which I should have done AFTER I bought the Legion Go because it comes with a complimentary 3 month pass, but alas, planning was never my strong suit. The pass is claimable until some point in 2025 though so I can use it later.) and am going through a bunch of games I wanted to try but did not get around to:

5. Starfield: Finished with about 50-60ish hours.

The beginning is rough -- just the worst hook into one of these that I've seen in a while, mostly in the sense that the main plot surrounding the Artifacts is dogshit boring and the missions for the main plot are ALSO dogshit boring (the temples are fucking terrible and a waste of time).

The rest of the game also feels... mediocre in basically all respects. Like, not bad. Just mid. Nothing feels very new and everything that exists feels so... paint by the numbers. Like, here's a planet whose surface looks procedurally generated (I don't know whether it is or not, but it looks that way) -- it doesn't look bad, but it doesn't look all that good either. Here's some RPG skill progression, except there's no way to respec your character (it's fucking 2023, Bethesda, what the fuck?) and every suboptimal choice you made early on (because you didn't know what the fuck you were doing) makes you feel incredibly annoyed at the game. In particular, character is nonexistent -- all your companions feel incredibly boring, and I fucking married Sarah just to see what the romance was like. Like, coming off of BG3 this year (which, tbh, is also not the strongest cast of characters, compared to, e.g., the heights of golden age Bioware, but still very obviously has had a lot of love and care poured into the character writing) into Starfield is just... tragic. I think I spent the first like 5-10 hours mostly thinking "wow, I am so glad I did not pay for this game."

Sidenote: I did not touch the outpost or crafting stuff because guess what I didn't pick those skills in the skill tree :) But also remembering Fallout 4's base building part, none of that seemed particularly engaging. I built one outpost that was a couple buildings just to see what it was like and the building UI was so fiddly that I immediately quit that and never touched it again.

However, the UC Vanguard quest was actually really interesting (highly recommend beelining for this tbh) and once I got a little invested in that the rest of the major faction quests (Freestar Collective, Ryujin, and Crimson Fleet) were all interesting enough that I did not quit after 10 hours and did in fact finish the game.

tldr: 6.5/10, would not recommend unless you also have gamepass and are bored. That said, I did play like 50 hours of it, so. Make of that what you will.

6. Hi-Fi Rush:

I'm actually very bad at these type of combo brawlers (mostly because getting the muscle memory down for the combo variety just takes forever and I always default to using only a handful of moves, which makes me feel bad :( ) but enjoying the presentation and music a lot. It is the most anime, in the best sense.

Also, voice cast. Robbie keeps throwing me for a loop like, hey, I know that guy. Damn you, Critical Role, you have ruined games for me! (Shoutout: Aabria as a background NPC in Starfield - you were a highlight of the entire game, baby.)

Kind of bummed that I started this on gamepass honestly - I should've just paid for it on Steam so I could keep my stats and achievements and stuff. I mean, I COULD buy it on Xbox Windows but that app is garbage 🙃

Yet to finish - but 9/10 would definitely recommend.

7. (Not gamepass but from my winter steam sale haul -- yes, I spend too much money on games) Griftlands:

Klei does not miss. Very solid 10-ish hour game with really good character writing (hi, Bethesda, please take notes). I have beaten all three characters, with only two failed runs on normal difficulty so it's, you know, a decent challenge but nothing too difficult. Still going through and trying out other builds and choices. That said, I'm not usually a deckbuilder player so I couldn't tell you how it stacks up against other deckbuilders.

8.5/10, would definitely recommend on sale.

8. My general next to-play list:

On Gamepass so higher priority during my one month:

Pentiment

The Lamplighter's League

Against the Storm

Slay the Spire

Jusant

Cocoon

Like a Dragon Gaiden

Steam backlog (including things I bought like three years ago and still haven't played/finished...):

Life is Strange 2

Marvel's Midnight Suns

Tales of Berseria

Great Ace Attorney Chronicles

9. As you can tell, I did not do much of anything that was not gaming in the liminal period that is the last week of December. I had a brief thought that maybe I would write something about Laudna and Ashton and what the fuck is up with them during the 3 week BH break, but no, creative brain is out, mindless consumption brain is in! My god, there are so many games these days. I haven't even played Diablo 4, FF16, Alan Wake 2, Super Mario Bros Wonder or Spiderman 2 yet -- admittedly, I am unlikely to ever play Diablo 4 or Alan Wake 2 (I did not finish Alan Wake 1 -- at one point they turned off the lights and I put down my controller and said nope!) but I do theoretically want to get around to the others! Even FF16 which people have also said is mid, I still want to see its midness for myself! Yes, these are very first world problems.

10. Do I plan to do anything that is not gaming through any part of January? Debatable. Such is my life these days.

11. Anyway, happy new year to everyone. Hopefully 2024 is less miserable for the world in general.

P.S. Tumblr rich text editor's treatment of unordered lists and ordered lists is so fucking stupid.

[pbandjesse]

Today went really fast. But I had a good time. James is at work and I'm watching a video. I just got done painting my nails. I feel tired but I'm also feeling happy.

I didn't sleep great. Neither did James. They didn't go for their planned bike ride. And woke me up at 9 and laid with me for a while. But soon I was getting up and James made the bed and we decided that we would go out for breakfast since they didn't have to be in till later.

We just kind of sat around for a little while because we weren't in any rush but once James felt ready and we got everything together we got in the car to go to Southside diner. I love Southside diner but since the pandemic they stopped being open until 7:00 p.m. an hour only open till 2:30. So we almost never get to go there. But I really like them so I'm glad we got to go over there.

When we got there James locked their bike to the car and then we went inside and they got blueberry pancakes and I got a grilled cheese with a scrambled egg. Our waitress was super nice. And I enjoyed sitting and talking to James and listening to other people's conversations and it was a good time. My stomach started to hurt about halfway through which keeps happening lately. But I tried to slow down and be mindful and not force myself to eat all of the french fries. I sometimes have to play this line between wasting food and finishing everything to the point where I don't feel well. But James ate some of the fries and that made me feel better about the wasting at least.

We left there and went over to the museum. We both use the bathroom and said hello to back up. But James didn't have to be at work until noon and they still had like 45 minutes so they went for a bike ride. And I left to go to the thrift store. Before I left I did talk to Stanley in the parking lot for a little while. It was really nice to see him. I got to see Stanley and Mr Will this week that is excellent. I love both of them and they both remind me of each other so much. I think that they would be friends.

I went to value village and I had an excellent thrift haul. I started out looking at books because I'm always looking for dear Americas. I ended up finding two dear Americas and a My America which is not the same but is the same company. I also looked at the purses but I did not find anything I liked today. Not that I need another bag but you know I like looking. And then I walked the whole perimeter. I found another Curio box for the wall. I'm very excited about this one because it's got smaller containers normal. And then I decided to look at dresses because I'm still looking for something for the wedding we're going to in October.

I found so many good pieces of clothing today. And once I got it home only one of them didn't fit me. So I am tickled to death. I found this beautiful blue dress that is got just a band at the top with these adorable little strings. And I did have to take out the armpits a little bit because it was a little tight but once I did that it is perfect and I love it. It looks good by itself and with a belt. And then I found this great black jumpsuit that is a little special. And I found a t-shirt dress that I really liked I think is going to be great for layering when it gets colder. I found a yellow dress but I can add to my market wardrobe. I was just having the best time. And I also found a brand new, or close to brand new, pair of tevas. And they're the nicer version that have the thicker soles. So I was super excited because they were only $5. I was having just an excellent time.

Everything all in all is about $45 too so that was exciting and while I was in there apparently it rained.

This is important because it kind of taints the rest of the day. while James was on their bike ride apparently it down poured for a few minutes and James was over by Hanover bridge and didn't know if they should wait it out and then decided not to and their phone got absolutely soaking wet. And it is ruined. It won't work at all anymore and I felt so bad that that happened. Because it has not rained at all for the rest of the day. It was just those few minutes while James was outside. And James feels terrible because it's one of those things where it could have been prevented it's just bad luck. But they have to buy a new phone now. Because water damage isn't covered by insurance apparently. And they got one that's being delivered tomorrow and it's fine it's not going to be a big deal in the end. It's just one of those things that happens and it's an emergency and we have savings and it's fine. But it's still sucks. And I know James feels terrible about it. But we will make it more. Everything will be okay.

In the meantime at least the watch that I gave them still gives them notifications and we can message each other on Instagram and through email when we needed to talk throughout the day. It sucks that today was a day where they're working so much later so we have to be apart for so much longer while they do not have an easy way for me to communicate with them. But it's fine. They will be home in a few hours and I will do my best to make them feel like everything is okay because it is. They didn't do anything on purpose and it's not that big of a deal. The new phone has a better water resistance rating. I looked it up.

After I finished at the value village I was going to go over to the lidel but the what over there apparently closed? So I instead drove down the street to go to Target.

This saved me time in a few ways. First of all I needed to get chocolate and gum so Target's a great place for that. But I also need to get cat food and it worked out going there because some of the cat food that sweet pea eats was on clearance. So I got a whole bunch of boxes of that and I got some dry food. And I also got some chips. And it was just a good little stop. Once I finish there I went right home.

When I got back here I had to make two trips to bring everything inside. But I would do that later. I brought in all the clothes and all of the stuff I bought and would leave the cat food.

When I got up here I did a little haul tour for Jess. Showed her all the pictures of everything I bought. And then I tried everything on and I figured out what things need work. The one dress I got needs to be taken in in the chest and the blue dress needed the armpits let out so I worked on that and I love how it turned out. And then it was just kind of like hanging out and putting things away and then I went to get the cat food. Sweet pea was very excited that there was new dry food. I got him a fancy flavor. Then I read for a little while. I vacuumed. And then I started working on some sewing.

I cut out 24 frogs. I haven't made a frog in like 2 years. So this was very exciting. They're all going to have little tongues again like I used to do and I ended up finishing two completely today and two more just need to be stuffed and then assembled. I'm hoping I can finish a couple more tomorrow. Still haven't figured out a better way to do all four legs but I did figure out a new way to attach the back legs at least. I'm going to experiment with the next ones but doing them on the sides just makes them look like somebody stepped on them so I don't like that. But it is progress and that is good. I also put beans in them for the first time which was kind of a mess but was fun and I like that they can be a little weighty. It's not exactly right though so I don't know if I will do that to all of them. Still a lot of fun though.

I worked on my art for a few hours and it has been a very nice afternoon. I read for a little while. And then I took the nail polish off ofmy nails. I took a bath and then I worked on combining some of my lotions which was something that need to get done. And then I worked on soaking the hammocks again. We figured out that we could get the carabiner off of one of them but the other two they will not come off so they still have to be hand washed. And I worked on scrubbing those for a while but it's still not done. But I can only do it for so long because it's exhausting. They just get so heavy!

But now I am waiting for my nails to dry. And I'm having lemonade. And I just fed the frog and I'm watching him swim around. I'm going to go feed the fish and maybe work on figuring out how to take this dress in. James is working at the museum until 8:00 and then hopefully they will be home quickly after that. I miss them very much when they are not here.

I'm not sure what I'm doing tomorrow. All of my tasks have really been accomplished. There's not much more that I desire to do. So we will see what tomorrow holds. I hope that you all have a great night tonight and you take care of yourselves and each other. Sleep well. Until next time.

[strawberry-spiderwebs]

Botanical Rhythms

Objective: “Dive into the heart of your chosen song (1 minute) and translate its rhythm onto paper using nature's tools as your brush. Explore how the texture, shape, and movement of natural materials can echo the energy, emotions, and themes of your chosen melody.”

The project’s secondary objective was to make a paintbrush using natural materials (leaves, ocean sponges, sticks, fibers, etc)

I chose this song:

Fluyendo by Ayla Schafer 00:30-01:30 minutes

It’s a water song that my mom likes to play when she’s high. She likes to say thank you to the ocean, and she also has a song for thanking the sun.

I love when she plays this one, it sounds like water and I think it’s so pretty.

I started by making three brushes.

I brought all kinds of materials because I was excited about the project. First, I made a paintbrush out of my own hair that I’ve been collecting for three months. I have a lot of medical issues so my hair was falling for a few months and I started collecting it as a joke but also to gauge how much was falling for my doctor. My hair stopped falling recently, so I didn’t need to collect any more, and it felt weird throwing my hair in the garbage, and there wasn’t enough to make a hair extension or something so I decided to use it for this project.

I started by organizing the hairs on a piece of tape, I estimate having placed 300 hairs before my fingers got tired.

I bent this amount in half, then in half again, about three times. Then I cut off the rounded parts of the folds and glued the hair to a stick. It didn’t feel sturdy enough, so I attempted to cut up a Canada Dry can I found outside and use it to hold everything together, kind of like the tin bit at the end of a pencil. This was not only ugly, but super in effective, so I covered the whole thing in tape and hot glued a few layers of twine around everything to make sure it wouldn’t fall apart. This made for an ugly paintbrush. Also, my hair is dyed and bleached and overall not the healthiest so it didn’t absorb much ink. This paintbrush was a failure but that’s okay!!

Next, I taped a sea sponge that the professor bought to a stick. That’s paintbrush #2. Then I glued some leaves I found outside my house on some kind of fern looking bush to a stick. That’s paintbrush #3.

For the canvas, I cut up newsprint and multimedia paper into a circle. I did this by holding a nail tied to a pencil in the center of the page and using it like a big compass.

It’s not perfect, but hey, my scissors suck and also I probably didn’t do the compass method that well.

Next, I poured 6 cups of ink. The first cup was 90% water, the second was 75% water, the next was 50%, and so on until the 6th one was pure ink. This was for more control over values. I ended up readding water to all of them to not waste more ink, and also it’s a water song, so whatever.

After that, I sat on the floor in front of my paper-circle-canvas-situation, and began spinning the paper in front of me slowly as the song played. One full rotation of the circle was about a minute of the song, and then I would restart the song and keep spinning from where I left off.

I started with the edges, using a feather brush (paintbrush #4, pictured above), and doing a flowing motion with my hand that matched the beat of the song (not the singer’s voice.) I used the wateriest ink pool.

I did it like this, and I noticed my flows/loops seemed to rise in height as the beat/background instruments got louder. I trusted my body a lot for this process and let myself be moved by the music as much as possible. I felt like the moment I tried to control my strokes the work would no longer be an authentic representation of how I felt listening to it.

After this, I used the sponge brush and feather brush to paint the artist’s vocals, all still while slowly spinning the canvas. This was flowy, and clear. The following image shows the feather brushed background instruments (outer edges of circle) and the vocals (inner squiggle). There are some sparse squiggles between these two edges, and they represent the few times the singer says “agua” very gently and softly at the beginning of the minute I chose.

Next, I used the leaf brush to “smack” the drum beats down when they came. I did this using the ink pool with zero dilution. There are a lot of drums. Then I added more for good measure. And some more while spinning the stick, also. Drops remind me of water and I had ink leftover, so I used the rest of the watery inks just making drops. To be honest, I was having fun. That’s all, thanks for reading!!

My next post shows it moving :)

MATERIALS: Newsprint, ink, human hair (~400 strands/2 months of collecting), canada dry can found outside, hot glue, masking tape, twine, sea sponge (from professor), fluffy plant (from professor), sketchbook paper 8x11, sticks, leaves from bush in front of my house, water, string, nail, song

DIMENSIONS: 25in x 25in (diameter)

[baby-prophet]

as like a painting warm up I've been using the acrylic paint that I mixed in yogurt cups like over a year ago (some of them dried to like a weird squishy solid, but I was able to resuscitate a few of them to something that resembles paint) and just shutting off my brain and going at it... maybe painting along with the music I'm listening to until I maybe see forms and shapes appear and then I follow that path until there's a new fork in the road so on and so forth ect.ect.. and all the paintings are messy and not 'good' but if you look closely enough you find exciting and amazing things

[buckyalpine]

Carrying your Love

18+ Minors dni

Bucky x f reader 

First of all, my dumbass just took a look at this request and thought OMG how adorable carrying your love, wholesome, sweet. Then i went and actually checked out the trend and burst out laughing. Also copious amounts of cum? Fuck yes. I apologize in advance if I botched the concept. My tags have been acting up, I hope it works :( 

Warnings: SMUT (Bucky’s huge loads of cum), fluff (he’s an adorable menace and he’s in love with you)

Word count:1.5k

Bonus scene inspired from @high-functioning-lokipath you’re amazing ❤️

-

Lets start with the fact that Bucky is a super soldier. Man has a super dick (he was gifted before the serum of course). His loads, however, were definitely impacted because when he cums, he cummmssss. 

He didn’t actually realize how much, until after he got with you. Sure its a lot when he takes care of himself, but when hes wrapped up in your warmth, your soft hands, warm wet mouth, tight fluttering walls, his cock is throbbing and hes pouring endless ropes of cum, surprising himself each time. 

You find it sexy. So fucking sexy. Because this man is a moaning mess when he reaches his high, his cum ends up everywhere. It stains the sheets, drips out of you, he leaves your mouth full, it dribbles down your hands. 

As much as you love it, there are times where you have to tell him to be careful, he can’t just bust on you willy nilly, it doesn’t help that he’s turned on just by the sight of you. 

Incident 1

He can’t ignore the aching tightness in his pants anymore, the way you’re twirling the knife just like he’s taught you, slicing through Hydra agents with ease, he’s ready to take you right there in the hallway of the base. 

So he does. His eyes are focused on you while he quickly kills off anyone standing, before dragging you to an empty corridor, smashing his lips on yours, taking your hand and placing on his rock hard boner.  

“Bucky what the hell-

“Can’t help it, you look so fucking hot, please baby, just suck it a little, something, touch me” 

He’s practically whining and you smirk, loving how needy he is for you. You get on your knees, unbuckling his pants, wasting no time pulling his cock out and stuffing it in your mouth. He’s moaning, his head thrown back against the wall, his hands on both sides of your head, fucking your face, it doesn’t take long for him to get close. 

He could just finish in your mouth but hes filthy. So fucking filthy. He wants to see his cum all over your pretty little face, while your still in your tac suit, his sexy badass sweetheart. 

He pulls his cock out, pumping it in his hand, groaning when he shoots his load all over your face, painting your lips, cheeks, the tip of his cock resting on your face, twitching, letting his cum dribbling down your chin. 

“Bucky! You made a mess on me baby, how am I supposed to clean this up” You huff, cocking an eyebrow while making a show of wiping your fingers across your face, licking off every drop. 

He demands you stop before he rips your clothes off, he can only take so much. 

You’re back on the jet, running your fingers through your hair, annoyed your fingers are caught in a sticky knot. You scrunch your face, wondering how the hell you could have gotten this when....

oh. 

You narrow your eyes at Bucky while he snickers, watching you the entire time.

“What’s wrong princess?” 

“You know what's wrong, I’m going to have your cum in my hair for God knows how long”

“Mmmm, I like marking you with my cum” He smirks, nipping your neck while you roll your eyes, not admitting your secretly a little turned on with his filthy possessiveness. 

Incident 2

Your little black dress is driving him insane, the way you keep swaying your hips, the high slit, your sexy heels. Fuck the party, closet it is.

“Need you babygirl, need you right now”

He pulls you in, pants already unbuttoned, hitching your leg around his waist, pushing his cock into your soaked pussy in one stroke. He’s been strutting around in an all black suit you're just as fucking desperate.

“F-Fuck James! Harder baby, harder!” You’re clawing at his suit jacket, your head buried in the crook of his neck, moaning louder when he lifts your other leg and pounds you against the wall. “Oh fuck, right there daddy, right fucking there!”

“N-not gonna last, m’way too fucking horny baby, need you to cum angel, I’m gonna fucking cum” His cock has been throbbing all night and as much as he wants to fuck you for hours, you feel too good, the tip of his cock stroking your walls.

You cum in no time, biting down onto his shoulders, your legs wrapped tightly around his waist. The way your pussy is pulsing around his aching cock sends him over the edge. 

“M’cumming baby, cumming, fuck fuck,- shit, there’s so much, holy fuck, oh god-

He squeezes his eyes shut and bites down on your shoulder, groaning, hes pumping you so full and he can feel it spilling back out, his cum dripping onto the floor, covering your thighs. 

“Can’t stop, I can’t. Fucking. Stop” He rocks his hips at each word, letting his cock soften in you before pulling out. 

You go to the bathroom to fix your appearance, your hair is out of place, lipstick smudged. You clean yourself up as best as you can before returning to your table where Bucky looks as happy as a clam, sitting with the team. He fucked your brains out and he hadn’t broken out a damn sweat, bow tie still in place, hair perfectly combed back. 

“Y/n, theres a stain on your dress” Wanda pointed out, grabbing a tissue to clean off the side of your black velvet dress. You stare at it wide eyed, deciding to keep your mouth shut, grabbing the cloth from her and rubbing the stain off yourself. 

Bucky snorts, taking the tissue from your hand, and tossing it, pulling you onto his lap instead.

“Forget to clean that up baby?” He whispers in your ear, his thumb caressing your bare thigh. 

“Well it was everywhere Bucky” You rolled your eyes, pouting at him, picking at the bit that clung on the edge, hardly noticeable but it was there. 

“Can’t help it when you look so sexy. You’re lucky I let you go after just one round, m’hard right now baby” He adjusts himself, letting his boner rub against your ass, your eyes going wide while he gives you a cocky smirk. You were about to hop off his lap, unable to control the way your body was heating up, heart racing but he holds your hips down. 

“Don’t get up yet baby, give me a minute, unless you want all these nice people to see what you do to me”

“You’re such a perv” You bite back a smile, while he kisses your shoulder. 

“Mhm, I know. You look so pretty covered in my cum”

Incident 3

“Okay, you actually have to stop cumming everywhere, I keep finding your cum all over me and I’m running out of excuses as to why I have stains on my clothes, no one believes its maple syrup in my hair and 

“Why baby, don’t you like carrying around a little piece of me everywhere you go?” Bucky gives you an innocent little puppy pout, crawling on top of you, nudging his nose against yours.

“Don’t act all cute, you’re a menace”

“I am cute” He continues to pout at you, pretending to huff, he was so dramatic. “You’re the one who makes me a menace. You make me so horny baby” 

“Really? I’m responsible for this?” You cock an eyebrow, as he nods, rubbing his clothed length onto your soaked panties. He could easily cum from just humping you like this, and you’re no better, your thighs squeezing his waist as he ruts harder, groaning when he feels his pre cum start to soak his boxers. 

“Bucky....” You’re panting under him, as he starts to strip his clothes off, then yours before practically pouncing on you.

“Shh, just let me...” 

4 orgasms later, you’re a panting mess, limp on the bed as he hovers over you, stroking his cock over your face. You don’t know how many times hes cummed already, his refraction period nearly non existent, he’s hard immediately after each climax. 

“Gonna paint your whole body baby, get you soaked in my cum, fuck”

You might say one thing but theres no hiding how much you love the way he makes a mess on you, his warm cum dripping and splashing onto you. He lets out a strained whimper as he cums on you again, you’re entire body is covered in him. He’s spilled his load onto your tummy, your thighs, his cum is dripping off your nipples. You’re licking it off your lips while feeling it gushing out of you, the bed is utterly soaked. 

He finally collapses beside you, his body absolutely drained, a shit eating grin on his face looking at how absolutely beautiful you look covered in him.

“You look beautiful baby” He kisses the side of your temple while you look down at the mess he’s made on you.

“It’s going to take forever to clean this off James”

“Come here my sexy little cumslut, let me help you get cleaned off” 

You gasp when he picks you up, wrapping your body against his, cum smearing all over him, getting him just as messy. He carries you into the shower, kissing you all over while lathering shower gel and gently cleaning you up. But it never works. Some how. Some way. You will find a bit of him somewhere. Always carrying his love with you.

Bonus scene inspired from @high-functioning-lokipath you’re amazing ❤️

Bonus part 2: thank you @late-to-the-party-81 LMFAO

“Why are you wiping the walls”

Tony scrunches his face watching you diligently scrubbing the wall behind the headboard of your room.

“Cause…it was dirty”

“I’ve never seen anyone use a sponge to clean a bedroom wall, what did you do, doodle on it”

He smirks while you give him a pointed look, his eyes widening when the realization hits why you’re cleaning that wall specifically.

“Please tell me that’s not what I think it is”

You blink at him wordlessly as his eyes trail up, Bucky’s sexual Picasso almost reaching the ceiling.

“WHY IS IT THAT HIGH UP?!”

“He’s a super soldier!”

Tony paused for a moment before nodding. Lowkey a little impressed.

“Understandable. Carry on”

Bonus part 3: This bitch has no chill (@ me) Last addition, I swear (not really) @elle14-blog1

“How do you feel about canopy beds?”

“It looks nice but we just replaced the one we broke, you want a new one?”

Bucky gives you a cocky smirk, proud that your latest bed came right from Wakanda on Tony’s insistence. No one should break that made beds, just get a vibranim one for fucks sake.

“You keep making a mess, who the hell shoots their load to the stars Bucky” you huff while he snorts (he won’t tell you he’s been keeping a personal record) “It’s like we need a condom over the entire bed to keep the walls safe”

1 custom bed later.

The bed is perfect. Gorgeous. And the biggest mistake you’ve ever made because with your insatiable boyfriend and a 4 poster bed, Bucky is ready to 🌶play🌶

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed! (also this is an 18+ blog, I can’t tag nameless/ageless blogs)  

Tags: @glxwingrxse @hungryyeyes​ @sebsgirl71479​ @beabutterfly987 @teambarnes72 @witchy-whore @jamesbuckybarneswify @slutforsexyseabass @chrisdrysdale @littlemarvelmenfan @buggy14 @whimsyplaty92 @sergntbarnes @needybabygirlstuff @goldylions @inkedaztec @pono-pura-vida @moonlightreader649 @brooklynscherry-z @high-functioning-lokipath @elle14-blog1 @littlelightnings @psychomann @happyt0exist​ @emmabarnes​ @bethyruth​  @matchat3a​

[highabovethecloudssomewhere]

tips/resources that taught me how to Art as an Adult - a masterlist

Four years ago I decided that “I’m too old to learn how to draw” is a pointless lie I’d believed for too long and you’re never too old to learn something new. I still definitely consider myself a novice and a learner but I’m at a very happy place with my art and I’m having a ton of fun so I thought I’d pass along the tips/resources that helped me get started and kept me motivated. 

I’ll get into resources under the cut, but here are personal tips I lined up for myself that helped during the early stages of frustration and wanting to give up. obviously they won’t work for everyone, but they really kept me going

fill 14 sketchbooks. if you still want to give up after that you can (I’m currently at 13 sketchbooks and could not imagine ever letting it go)

what specifically do you want to be able to draw? For me my goal has always been characters and cats. I’ve added things to it here and there, but starting out overwhelmed with how much you don’t know isn’t great. find a handful of things you really want to draw and see where it takes you.

get yourself a sketchbook fancy enough that you feel cool as heck but cheap enough that you don’t mind absolutely destroying it. Personally, I love EXCEED bullet journals. the dotted paper keeps me from being too picky but are less intrusive than lined paper. From my experience, EXCEED bullet journals takes acrylic and ink like a champ, and they’ve got nice covers that just make you “feel” cool. confidence is important!

acrylic paint and post-it notes are great ways to cover mistakes. I personally love anything that makes my sketchbooks feel “sketchbooky” so this is super fun. 

it is okay to “waste”/”ruin” pages. one time I was in “I’m a failure” artblock and so I poured black coffee onto my sketchbook. (it was gonna get dumped out anyway and I was Very frustrated with my art.) then when the pages dried I just kept right along using it. taught me a lot about not being perfect. sketchbooks are about learning and love, not about perfection.

try drawing in pen. seriously, draw in pen. it’s scary as frick to not be able to go back on mistakes but that’s what the post-it acrylic-paint tip is for, and it’ll help with all sorts of stuff like lineweight and line confidence. it takes some of the stress off too because, you screw up? oh well! Try again! it encourages “try again” over “meticulously nitpick until it’s perfect” and has done wonders for me. I started out my first two sketchbooks in pencil before making the switch and I’ve never gone back. 

(also sketching in highlighter and lining with pen is super fun and cool and satisfying!)

the first page doesn’t matter. I usually just use the first page of the sketchbook to write my favorite songs at the time and then do the same thing on the last page. first page jitters begone. 

(starting in the middle of the sketchbook also gets rid of those jitters pretty nicely. I tried this a couple times and personally still prefer the linear front-to-back but it was fun for a while.)

picking a color theme for your sketchbook can make it feel more “sketchbooky” too. I usually go with blue or orange- blue acrylic paint, blue post-it notes, those cheap blue BIC pens, etc. I like this bc it makes the sketchbook feel like a sketchbook and is very satisfying.

And figure out why you’re doing it. I did it because I always wanted to make cool art and draw my characters, but if you’re doing it for a career then obviously the path to that looks much different. Don’t compare yourself to others. Be inspired by people who are better than you. Acknowledge where you need to grow and where you’re strongest. Lean into those strengths. Adapt to those weaknesses. Be proud of being a beginner- you won’t be one for long. 

Now: some of my favorite creatives and resources!

///

CREATORS:

"Kasey Golden" Mostly traditional art, mostly watercolor, cartoonist, art challenges

"DrawingWiffWaffles" Mostly traditional art, alcohol markers & pens, semi-realism

"LavenderTowne" Digital art, art tips/tutorials, cartoonist

"ABD Illustrates" Digital art, speedpaints, semi-realism

"Proko" (or "Stan Prokopenko") Realism, anatomy tutorials, free complete "Anatomy For Artists" series- basically as hogwild as you can get learning hyper-realistic anatomy

"Ethan Becker" Digital art, ex-DreamWorks employee, tips/tutorials, "Perfect Practice"

"Sinix Design" Digital art, anatomy tips/tutorials, general tips/tutorials, realist

"Oliver's Antics" Digital and traditional art, tips/tutorials, speedpaints, semi-realistic style

“Nerdforge” Traditional art, painting, metalwork, woodwork, bookbinding, building, seriously these people do everything they’re incredible

///

FOR GESTURE DRAWING:

Line of Action Gesture drawing, figure drawing, optional timed practice sessions

AdorkaStock fantastic line of unique reference poses

 ///

Aaand that’s about all I’ve got! there are so many resources out there and so many amazing artists to be inspired by. just have fun with art! art is freedom. be proud to be a beginner and be excited for how you’ll grow. I hope these tips are helpful for someone out there! <3 

Here’s my first digital artwork (April 2019) up against my latest (August 2022)

April 2019:

August 2022:

best of luck to you all. I believe in each and every one of you. <3 happy drawing!

[ja3hwa]

Fault | Seonghwa [Pt.2]

「Synopsis」 : You have finally awoken but Seonghwa panics are the idea of confronting you. Will you forgive him or will you choose to leave his life forever.

「Word count」 : 1.1k

-> Genre: Angst, Fluff

Paring: Mafia!Seonghwa x Female Reader

[Warnings] : mentions of unfaithfulness, yeosang makes an appearance, reader gets harassed, lots of crying, Seonghwa is a big cry baby I'm sorry, fluff I promise. Just a bunch of I'm sorry's.

Note : Finally a part two!!! You have all been asking for this and I'm sorry it took so long but I hope this is the happy ending you can all enjoy. Thank you again for reading my work and I hope you like more of my content in the future.

Read Part One First!!

He paced, up and down the hallway. Standing in front of his bedroom. He refused to go in there. He didn’t want to see the sadness in your eyes when you woke. He didn’t want to face the reality that you almost died because of him. The rival gang only managed to grab you because he said those words that made you walk out of the safety of your home. He doesn’t even know why he said those things. Those cruel words that made your heart shatter. You were insecure and needed reassurance. Sure you pushed from fright cause of the whispers of his staff saying he was becoming unfaithful. But you didn’t listen, well at first that is. But all your trust went out the window when one of his field workers, Luke told you to leave cause ‘all you are is a waste of space! You’re not important, and everyone here knows that’. It broke you which lead to you ending up in a fight with Seonghwa.

“She’s awake.” Yeosang stepped out of the room to find Seonghwa still pacing the halls. “Go see her.” He said bluntly to the tall male, making a slight groan in annoyance at the end of his sentence.

“I can’t what if she doesn’t want to see me or what if—Seonghwa I swear to god if you don’t go see her right now, I’ll be the one to kill you.” Yeosang cut him off, walking away with irritation lingering on his tongue. Hwa sighed, feeling a cold shiver run through him. The cruel, unkind and ruthless Mob boss that is not scared of anything, is suddenly feeling fear, very must real fear. He opened the door peaking his head in first, before entering fully. He looked around the dimly lit room, seeing only the side table lamps were on and the curtains were shut tight.

“Hwa…” You whispered out, holding the blanket tightly against your chest watching the figure in the dark move towards you.

“Yes Baby… I’m here.” You suddenly see his face, a soft, guilt-ridden expression painted on. You broke, crying hard as he quickly sit down to wrap his arms around you. You sob into his shoulder, clinging onto him with a sharp grip, afraid that if you don’t he will disappear. You weren’t mad anymore, about the words he spoke or the rumours you heard. You cared for what Yeosang had to say when you first woke, about how Seonghwa hadn’t been able to rest since you disappeared or how he tried to chase you when you first walked out that night but Luke conveniently stopped him randomly before he could catch up. Yeosang spoke about Seonghwa’s anger, his pain. He was guilty of hurting you but you were willing to forgive him as you came to realize it was all a mistake.

“I’m so sorry my love. Please, shout if you have to. Slap me for the words I spoke. Hell, break up and break my heart as I did yours if you so wish. But please, please know I am sorry.” He rambled as tears were also pouring from him. His shaking hands held your waist, his face tight in the nook of your neck. His whole body was hyper-aware of every move and breath you took. Your heartbeat making his beat faster. He was so angry with himself. You pulled away from him, your hand falling onto his cheek, rubbing softly on his ruff skin.

“I forgive you.” You whispered, looking him dead in the eyes. A small smile broke on your face but it fell as his hand grazed your stomach. You looked down, hearing his choked-out hiccup.

“They are dead because of me…” He cried. You grabbed bother his hands, bringing them in between your own in a tight grasp.

“Don’t you dare say or even think that! Those cowards, sick, and weak idea of men are the reason. Not you, not me. They took her from us, they are the reason she's gone...” You tried to make light with your words, trying your hardest to make him feel better. But in truth, you were also feeling like it was your fault. That you weren’t able to fight hard enough to keep your little girl alive. Like you failed before she was even born.

“S-she…” His bottom lip shook, glossy eyes growing big at your words and then it clicked, you hadn’t told him about the gender of the baby because of the fight getting in the way.

“Yes. I went that day we fought. I wanted to tell you in person but that changed with…” You trailed off remembering the words that were spoken that day. Those words will never leave your mind. Even though you forgive him, it will always hurt.

“Hey, Hey I got rid of Luke. Turns out he has been putting us against one another this whole time. He kept telling me about your unfaithfulness and how the baby wasn’t mine and he said similar words to you at me. I’m sorry I should have listened to you instead of some punk on my staff list.” He kicks himself yet again at his stupidity. Silence fell as he just held you, bringing comfort to you. His hand rubbing the small of your back as your head rested on his shoulder. But soon the silence was filling with your little chuckle, making Seonghwa sit up to look at you in confusion, thinking 'oh no, she's gone mad'.

“What’s funny?” He huffs. You lay back sighing into the soft pillow as another chuckle follows.

“I guess we were both idiots huh.” You smile, now it’s Seonghwa’s turn to laugh.

“Yeah we are.”

“But you’re my idiot.” You open your arms to invite him into the bed. He moves fully onto the bed, laying on his back to place your head on his chest. His arm in case you in a gentle cuddle, making you nuzzle your nose into his neck.

“And you are mine, my love.” He replies to you, kissing your forehead.

-

Ateez Masterlist

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[bat-eclecticwolfbouquet-love]

XXX SHIGARAKI CUM HEADCANNONS SMUT XXX SHIGARAKI X READER ⚠️⚠️🔞🛑

Just some headcannons about Shigaraki's cum

Has a lot of pre cum seriously like you'd think he fully came when you see it oozing from his tip and dripping down his veiny shaft

Now whether he cums inside you or on you depends on his mood.

Sometimes he wants to stuff your pussy up to overflowing with his seed. Other times he wants to see it sprayed across your face, over your tits, or ass.

You better guzzle every drop down when he cums in your mouth. He finds it a turn on to see his cum leaking out of you or dribbling from your lips as you struggle to gulp it all down

Orders you to open up so he can see it sloshing around in your mouth

It Tastes bitter as hell. Literally makes you wince when you swallow it and that gets him off even more.

This man has an endless amount of cum and will make you take every last drop of his load 

Gets off on defiling your body by what he calls "decorating you". Grins ear to ear as his arousal spurts from the head of his cock, spraying across your naked, withering body.

Loves releasing himself inside you, painting your slick, pretty walls with ropes of thick cum.

Makes you keep your legs spread open wide so he can enjoy the erotic sight of his milky seed seeping out if your soaked pussy. 

The way his cock twitches before unloading streams of cum inside you. Flooding your little cunt. His hips still pounding madly into you causing it to pour out of your used hole

It's also extra warm, more than usual. So when he empties himself in you you can feel how very warm it is. 

He can go round after round so covering your hot body with copious amounts of it is easy. 

Absolutely takes pictures of you. You just look so fucking cute with his cum filling your cunt or covering your pretty face. Has a special gallery in his phone for these special pics of you wearing nothing but his "love" 

Calls you his cum whore, tells you what a dirty girl you are for letting him violate you in such a way.

Will make you sleep with the sticky substance coating your body. Not allowing you to clean yourself up, this goes for being out in public or around others too. But by now your use to the feeling of it drooling out of you and running down your legs. He does take pity on you sometimes by wipping it if your thighs with his fingers, then shoving them in your mouth to clean them. Were you really gonna waste that man's cum.

And you love every sticky, warm, bitter, salty, filthy second of it. Fuck you even beg for more.

"Please Tomura fill me up. I need it. Let me drink you" you whine, begging for him to use you, and bit does he. You two really are made for each orher.

[simplysummers]

Why I personally don’t like that abusive parent trope in regards to Sebastian Smythe:

For context, although if you’ve been following my blog for longer than 24 hours you should know who this idiot is, but if not, this is Sebastian Smythe. He’s a 16-18 year old gay teenaged character from the musical-drama show, Glee. He attends the also fictional private school, Dalton Academy in Ohio, where he is the captain of their show choir, the warblers, and also on the lacrosse team. Let’s be real here, for those of you who know his character you’ll know that he’s a bit of a menace with a cocky attitude, and we love that for him. He starts out as one of the minor antagonists in Season 3, and after having a character arc segment midway through his time on the show, he becomes more of a sidelined grey-character, or even an anti-hero at a push.

Now just as a disclaimer I’d like to say that if you do hc his parents as neglectfully abusive, homophobic, assholes, that’s alright. It does make for an interesting story sometimes, and just as I am free to dislike the idea, you are all very much free to enjoy it. (I always love when people can enjoy things that I don’t because it means that the talent and potential poured into fics that use these tropes don’t go to waste!). And if you do really like this hc, and are suddenly worried about interacting with me because we differ in opinion, please don’t be. The topic of parents can be cut all together during personal interactions, and you only have to enjoy whatever content it is you actually follow me for that doesn’t involve them. And finally if you agree with this post you are more than welcome to reblog it, but I’m not personally looking for a debate here. I know how I feel about this hc and I’m not willing to change my mind, so if you don’t happen to agree with me, which is absolutely within your right, it would be better for everyone if you carried on scrolling. I’m not expecting this to get a lot of attention, the post is more just a way of informing my mutuals, readers and followers as to where I stand here, because my fics are very Sebastian centric and will involve his folks from time to time. Absolutely no hate meant to anyone who uses this trope either, I’m sure you’re wonderfully talented, I’m just trying to explain why it’s not my thing.

I also just wanted to say that I know the term abuse is a huge spectrum and can be executed in very different ways and at highly different levels, but the main categories I’ll be arguing my disagreement for in this post are physical and verbal abuse, despite the fact I don’t personally think Sebastian was being abused at all. I mean absolutely no disrespect when I talk about these subjects, and can completely rationalise that every case is different, both fictionally and in person, this is not meant to demean anyone who may have been in a situation like this in any way, shape or form.

But with that all established, let’s move on as to why I really dislike this trope, for a character like Sebastian at least:

1) The excuses.

In a huge majority of the abusive Mr/s Smythe fics I’ve read over my time in the glee fandom, the neglect and abuse is more often than not used as a scapegoat for Sebastian’s terrible actions at the beginning of the show, brushing them aside to “he acts the way he does because his parents hit him/hate him. It’s not actually his fault.” It’s used as a way of clearing Sebastian’s messy history to make the character seem more victimised, and as a result, likeable. To me, it feels like an easy way out of his behaviour, and doesn’t tend to hit the desired effect.

As a person who likes delving into the gritty dynamic of a complex character, which Sebastian has the potential to be, I feel this trope is just too easy and almost paints actual abusive situations in a lighter, more…not so serious matter as a result, (which I’m sure is nobody’s intention of course!) mainly because it’s never addressed in proper context. Holding characters like Sebastian accountable for their actions, no matter what is going on that we or other characters cannot see, is extremely important, both morally and creatively, and I find this is done best with internal struggles over external situations. Not only does it aide his development by not letting excuses take the fall for his bratty actions, but I’ve found that situating a more personal ‘reason’ for his behaviour does a better job at humanising (not victimising) him rather than if we were to pull out an overused hc, it pushes home how ‘normal’ (by the standard of your average mentally ill queer /lh) he has the potential to be, which indirectly makes it easier to coerce this alongside other plot lines, especially in ship-fics. We are all human, we all make mistakes and have done awful things, Sebastian’s actions got out of control in comparison to your average teenager, yes, but we can see from circumstantial evidence that he admits to it, both positively and negatively in the end. (I have more to say on this but it’s straying from the topic at hand.) However I say again, when such a big event like child abuse is used in a similar sense, it’s much harder to push that redeeming narrative because where is the personal development?

(I agree that getting over an abusive situation is usually packed full of development both irl and fictionally, but when I say personal development here what I’m suggesting towards is the growth of a character getting over something either self inflicting, internal, something that while linked to other people isn’t life threatening, or just something similar along those lines. Something that, in a physical principle, they’ve never been able to walk away from because it’s tied to them at their very core, it’s them. Narratives like this are easier to root up growth for Sebastian because it is up to him specifically to want improvement. But when the toxicity comes from an outside source on a grand scale, faults and improvements are elsewhere and not directly on him, leaving may be a struggle but he himself is no longer the root of the ‘issue’, which pulls away his own development to an extent.)

Now, I’m sure it’s obvious that I think Sebastian was having his own issues at this point in his life, especially because we see how genuine he actually can be in ‘On My Way’, which leads me to believe that his mentality was a product of a source we weren’t made aware of in the show. But as an outsider, I just don’t think the matter at hand was hugely drastic in comparison to the likes of abuse. For those of you who have read or spoken to me about the beginnings of my fic, ‘A Glance Through The Hourglass’, you might see where I’m going with this. I think the drastic difference between some internal, unknown issues and “I’m being abused” sets up an extreme variety of reasons as to why Sebastian is the way he is. However, an intramural issue, something that due to his image and situation he wouldn’t want to share and would then cover with his behaviour, used as a somewhat disorderly coping mechanism that went overboard, opens up a field of malleable circumstances that can be used without excusing his actions, and this could be a myriad of things, maybe multiple at a time. I’m going to add on my own thoughts to the example here (so we’re straying from hardcore canon for a moment):

I’m not going to diminish how hard it is to pull yourself out of a dark place when you’re at such a difficult point in your life, and especially when we take into consideration Sebastian’s circumstances (new everything, school, country, friends, house, and operating under the fact his dad has just won the election for SA he is suddenly going to be very busy too, (see the point BP v AP for explanation there)), I’m sure that whatever was going on with him could’ve been extremely rough. But when these issues are internal to you alone, and as stern as this is about to sound as a sufferer myself I know this must be heard to push for growth, it is up to you and professionals to help get you out of that mental position. It doesn’t come from an outside source that you can eliminate, you have to work for it yourself. Although you feel lost, you can regain that control, and it is easier (as a writer) to manipulate the situation to fit both a compelling issue for Sebastian as a character, which would give reason for his awful behaviour and change of heart, while still having him take responsibility for his actions in the show. In comparison to the likes of him being abused, that is very much out of his hands, and getting out of that situation can be extremely difficult and debilitating, it also takes the responsibility of his behaviour off of his shoulders due to extremities and the fact he isn’t the ‘problem’ himself. Which leads me on to my next point.

2) Injustices and overpowering.

(Just to say here, I am generalising in this section. Out there I have come across a few fics that use this storyline and manage to do it well, but I’m speaking for the likelihood majority backed up by probability as a writer.)

I think these storylines can work well when they’re done right, with the perfect amount of attention on each section and how they all fit together in the end, and I also think they can be done right when it’s the focal point of the conflict, ie: “partner falls in love with Sebastian while helping him escape an abusive situation,” because it’s the bonding climax. Unfortunately it’s very rarely that this happens, and that has nothing to do with the writers (you’re all very talented!!) and more to do with the huge amounts of mindfulness both storylines need. Here are my reasonings:

Managing a ship-based fic with the side story of an abusive home life always equals out to one story not receiving it’s justice, something is always overshadowed because both events are such huge issues, especially if the story is developing the relationship from the beginning. (so for me as a kurtbastian shipper, it takes a lot to develop their relationship because it’s an enemies to lovers situation, it needs a lot of time and consideration which is hard to divide between an abusive parents storyline.)

If you focus on the Smythe half of the story, you’ll get a really well fleshed out overcoming fic, with a not so great development between Sebastian and his love interest, and if you focus on the ship, you’ll have a beautifully executed love story, with a sideline plot that feels underdeveloped and therefore, not done it’s justice as a circumstance or a story. Situations like this have to be done justice out of respect, and that can be difficult to manage. But even when they are managed correctly, there are still a few issues, such as:

3) The cliches.

Here’s not to say that the ‘rich children having borderline no relationship with their parents’ issue doesn’t happen, because I believe this can be common in all economical societies (look at Puck and Quinn to name a few examples,) but especially in fiction, I personally feel it’s gotten to a point where the desired effect this storyline intends to have with somebody like Sebastian (the antagonist) almost has no meaning anymore because it’s expected and even anticipated, which can sometimes make for a drab plot.

I’m not saying it can’t be used just because it’s been done before, but I am saying it becomes less and less valuable the more it happens. Before I developed my own ideas for the Smythe’s and started using my own version of how I see them in my head whenever I read fics, it became such a repetitive notion that it quickly grew stale. Once again I’m not saying this is a reason why these tropes shouldn’t be used, if this is what you like I’m sure you’re having a wonderful time with all of this media, I just think turning the tables slightly and giving a character like Sebastian a different home life to what you’d expect seems much more compelling, and would help readers engage better with a fic because they’re being kept of their toes for new information.

But with the statistical and writers approach points out of the way, here are a few research based points/my own gathered knowledge in co-existence with the show as to why I dislike this trope. Tiny disclaimer, a lot of my arguments here are backed up by fact, and I suppose you guys could immediately debunk me and say “well it’s a fictional show so I don’t have to listen to that.” And you’re absolutely right, it is a fictional show and I am the type of person who will define her characters to a shiny edge just to make sure everything fits as it should in the ‘real world’, not everybody is like that and that’s absolutely okay, I recognise that, but as I said before this is why I don’t like this trope, and as an analytical-soon-to-be pysch student with a taste for the idiocy of the American Supreme Court, these issues are justified to me, and mayhaps me alone. Alongside this I’m hoping to clear up some common misconceptions deprived from the show, which also relate as to why I don’t believe this trope to be too likely.

4) Busy parents VS abuse parents.

(First of all, I love this photo so much. Anyone who knows me will tell you it’s probably my favourite Sebastian photo. He looks so mad and for what 👏 god it makes me chuckle.)

Now right off the bat we have to recognise that we don’t actually know what Sebastian’s mother does for work. We don’t actually know if she works, or if she is even alive. My personal go-to is surgeon, I may explain why in my conclusion, but again, overall we don’t know anything about her so I’m working solely with Mr Smythe’s canon job in this regard.

(This point is simply law rambling, please skip if you’re not interested, it’s just to add context). Since Sebastian doesn’t say his Dad is the ‘State’s Attorney General’ and simply ‘A State’s Attorney’ (which are different jobs,) we can only presume this means he is the southern Ohioan District Attorney, which is also quite commonly known as the State’s Attorney. These types of attorneys represent a group of counties, usually divided into northern and southern of the state, in high legal cases committed in their areas, they have huge amounts of influential decisions to make, and are responsible for handling many prosecutions. (Fun little fact, they’re also the only broad attorneys able to participate in grand jury proceedings, which I think is kinda cool.) The State’s Attorney is also the leader of a group of prosecutors, who are known as Deputy District Attorneys, and SA holds overall responsibility for what happens amongst their firms and these groups of DDAs in court. In Ohio they are elected in throughout the local voters, and they serve for four years. For more information on this occupation I suggest a quick Google search or you could drop me a dm/ask where I’d go into more detail, as I don’t want to drag on about my law knowledge when frankly no one asked.

But anyways, after a bit of extra research on the jobs these people usually have before they’re elected, how many hours they work a week in both occupations, and reading through a few personal experiences actual lawyers themselves have posted about, I discovered that while they are extremely busy, work-centric and persevering people, they do still have time to sit down with the family for dinner most nights, one particular experience from a lawyer I read said that he still managed to tuck his kids into bed whenever he could, and had enough time a month to put a weekend or two aside strictly for the family. Yes, sometimes work got in the way, he said there were many days where he worked over, he may have missed a soccer game every once in a while, and sometimes weekly, potentially monthly, long business trips would take him away from the family, but if we take this experience, alongside many others, it’s very rarely that a lawyer or attorney occupation leads to a point of neglect, which is something I see used all of the time between Sebastian and his father in fics. Making Mr Smythe’s entire personality ‘I am too busy with work for my child’ doesn’t quite correlate because while his job does keep him extremely occupied, especially after winning the election for SA, his occupation alone isn’t enough for him to become neglectful, realistically at least. If this is a narrative you really want to push, I’d suggest have him spend his extra time elsewhere, but overall, it just doesn’t fit with the logistics of his job.

Personally, I can absolutely see Mr Smythe’s schedule growing busier after becoming the State’s Attorney, especially for the first few months, which would have a negative affect on Sebastian. This correlates well with his behavioural issues when he is first brought into the show, but I seriously don’t believe it would be driven to a point of neglect. Whether he is still accounting for a certain amount of family time or not, his ‘promotion’ still leads to a big step up in court. But being a busy parent, especially to a teenager, does not make you neglectful or abusive. It can be insanely hard, on both parties I’d like to assume, but at the end of the day why should he have to decline an insane job opportunity because he has a son? That’s the story that I’ve seen pushed on more than one occasion.

Not to mention, the idea of his mother and father suddenly becoming busier than he’s used to supports the idea that Sebastian’s parents aren’t going to notice him sneaking out over the weekend to go underage drinking, it’s a new ledge of confidence for him that he wouldn’t have been able to explore beforehand, and I think that’s how he gets in way over his head, but again that’s not what this post is about.

5) The evidence

As I said above we don’t actually hear much about Sebastian’s parents in the show at all, we get one line that gives us an occupation, and overall it’s an insinuated concept that they’re an extremely wealthy family, and he’s very use to getting his own way. I’m working with the very thin evidence I can, and most of this is speculation, not completely set in stone.

So first of all I want to address the occupational line “You see, my Dad is sorta what you’d call a State’s Attorney.” Maybe the boy is just an incredible actor, but here I see no reason to suspect he’s living in an abusive household, no quiver, no apprehension, just pure confidence. You’re probably thinking ‘you can’t assume all that from one throw away, taunting, threat line, especially when Seb’s surface level personality is cocky confidence,’ and you’re right, I can’t, especially because he was using it to threaten someone and, frankly be a bit of a jerk, but pulling together the info I do know and can work with its very unlikely that he would be willing to use such an intense place of power as a safety net if he knew his dad wasn’t actually going to provide that security for him, joke or not. What if Santana did go ‘all Lima heights’ and attempt to beat the crap out of him? What would be the plan of action if he didn’t actually have that underlying safety? Not to mention the following line is “I bet he could make sure that (a piñata) got to them,” again shows us no indication of resentment or ‘fear’. If anything, it shows that Sebastian’s parents, maybe his father specifically, would do anything if he so much as asked. Yes I’m still aware this line was meant more to taunt Santana instead of giving us a Sebastian backstory but I’m working with what I can, and this line aides the confirmed notion that Sebastian is very use to getting his own way, which is disclosed in his constant attempts to pursue Blaine, even after being turned down, and his desperation to win regionals. Traits like that are very much often a product of one’s childhood, which then correlates well to his Dalton tuition, the car he must have to travel from Westerville to Lima and to Scandals all the damn time, and the gas he’s got to be putting into said car for these journeys. Parents with a lot of money and child who’s use to getting whatever he wants? Screams spoiled to me, not abused.

(This is unrelated but one of my favourite hc’s is that Sebastian was so bummed out about the move from Paris to Ohio, which honestly even I’d be the same, that his dad notices and feels really bad because this change is inevitable due to his job, so he’s like “…if I got you a car in America, would it cheer you up? Any car you want, I’ll get it for you.” And Sebastian is just like “😔 a Porsche would maybe help.” Like idk why that’s pure gold to me, but it is.)

We also know that while Sebastian didn’t get into trouble with the authorities for what he did to Blaine’s eye, I’d say it’s pretty safe to assume the Anderson’s must’ve complained to someone on behalf of their son, whether that be Dalton or Sebastian’s parents directly. We know that McKinley did nothing, (because when do they ever) but Blaine never once discloses that their wasn’t an attempt of his parents part, and realistically I don’t think that’s much of a stretch to make. Now whether the situation was covered well by Mr Smythe himself or not, or if he was involved did he do it because he loves his son and knows he’s better than that, or because he just wants to salvage his name, that’s all up to the reader in question and their opinions. However, the fact that we see Sebastian still up to his usual antics when it comes to the photoshopped Finn pictures would suggest he hasn’t been scared or beaten into behaving. My personal go to is that an argument must’ve broken out amongst father and son, which would’ve left Sebastian annoyed because he’s essentially not use to being told ‘no’ or rightfully punished by his parents, and then that would’ve escalated into a further act of rebellion, equalling out to the Finn photos and him making that offhanded comment at Karofsky. I have more to say on this, but again that’s for another time.

6) Money.

Here’s a little bit of context concerning the differences between New Money and Old Money before I get into it’s relation with the Smythe’s. Old money is the type of wealth that has been passed down for generations amongst well-off families, it’s an inheritance of luxury rather than a self-earned income, and more often than not it defines a family as an instant upper class. Whereas new money is a type of income that comes from self earnings, their millions are very much due to their own hard work. Although a common example of new money earners are the likes of movie stars and entrepreneurs, it can be anyone who has made a harsh hand of wealth on their own skill and grinding within their occupation. While families who come from old money tend to not see their wealth as ‘just for them’, but for their family as a whole because they tend to pass this inheritance to the next generation, new money ascenders seem to be the opposite, choosing to spend their hard earned cash frivolously in the here and now. It is also a common practice for new money owners to be quite loud about their earnings, buying on whims and flaunting their extravagances, whereas people who come from old money know their fortune will speak for itself, even if they don’t shy away from prowling in their upper class status from time to time. And now you must be wondering, where do the Smythe’s fit on this scale of old money to new money? Well, from what we can gather from canon, we actually have no physical evidence that Sebastian’s family originates from old money at all. Is it insanely likely? Oh absolutely, I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest, but while we don’t have anything to back that claim up, we do have circumstantial proof that Sebastian’s main income of wealth stems from his parents jobs, making their currency a type of new money, and here is why I think that is influential:

A District Attorneys salary is averaged up to around $76k a year, but they can make up to as much as $178k, now when we think about it, this is just Sebastian’s dads earnings and we have no idea what kind of bank his mom is bringing to the table. How does this link to abuse/lack there of? A lot of speculation surrounding the Smythe’s often originates from the typical view that ‘they must come from old money, and are therefore awfully privileged people who come from generations of assholes, which also makes them assholes’, and like I said earlier, while I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Mr Smythe did come from an old money family, but based alone upon the job we know he has, and therefore the income we know he earns, if this is the case he actually has his feet in both pools, he’s working smart and circulating each world. Like I said, is it likely that he comes from a wealthy family? Yeah, look at where Sebastian goes to school and look at where they’ve lived, and do I hc it too? Yeah I do, (without the ‘asshole’ connotation, at least on Mr/s Smythe’s part,) but we actually don’t have any canon proof that this is the case, we have no evidence they actually come from an old money background full of snobby rich Thomas-Jefferson like poeple. However just from Mr Smythe’s job title alone we know he is bringing in a huge income, which means he’s definitely circulating the new money systems at least, and it’s overtones. What are new money earners? Rich little flaunters. Who is a rich little flaunter? Sebastian. Who wouldn’t be able to flaunt his fathers rich earnings if he was being unfairly punished and abused, therefore having little to no access to these funds? Also Sebastian.

7) LGBT rights.

Can confirm, here I’m just listing a lot of dates, and from those dates I’ve made some probable assumptions, this doesn’t really have much to do with the post at hand other than proving that throughout these time periods progression was upon us, and people were changing for the better despite all of the hatred in the world. There is nothing mentioned in canon about Mr/s Smythe’s thoughts on Sebastian’s sexuality, we don’t even know if they know (I think it’s pretty obvious, but I also think it’s pretty dang obvious that I’m queer and my parents have only just started speculating, so who’s to say really?), so I really am just laying down some dates and making some comparisons to the canon approach in glee.

First of all some confirmed supportive adult allies to the LGBT+ community in glee are: Burt (actual icon), Carole, Sue, Will, Emma, Beiste, Roz, Pam, Leroy and Hiram, Isabelle, Unique’s parents, Paul Karofsky, Figgins (?), and Santana’s parents. Some confirmed not so supportive adults are Santana’s Abuela, Karofsky’s mother, and Blaine’s Dad. I know Abuela eventually comes around (not necessarily to supporting gays but wanting to be there for Santana), and Blaine’s Dad isn’t a confirmed homophobe, we just know he’s not exactly thrilled about the situation. This is just proof that at this point in time it wasn’t uncommon for people to be supportive, and those who weren’t were very susceptible to change and/or still made room to love their children despite differing opinions in sexuality. I also know that the world was and still is full of hatred, like I said this point really means nothing in my debate because as much as I could say “look, statistics good,” you can’t put a number on hate. But I will say that:

Being gay was legalised in 1974 in Ohio, and in 1980 in New York. In Paris, it was 1971, and France was actually labelled one of the most progressive countries in regards to LGBT+ support. If Sebastian’s parents had him around their late twenties/early thirties as most people did in the 90s, they would’ve been in their preteens-early teens at best when these things were going on. We don’t know how this relates to their opinion, as we don’t have any canon context, but young people of a higher privilege are much more impressionable to change because they have less ground to stand due to already established protection. In most cases they don’t quite care, as long as a spectacle isn’t made before the tide has changed. I’m not saying that that mentality is okay, it’s also not exactly how I picture his parents to think, but I’m saying it’s inherently better than a homophobic bigot who throws around slurs. Again, not much can be said here, it’s just an observation to think about.

8) My thoughts.

So by now you must be wondering “alright Bea, we got it, you don’t like the abusive parent trope, you can stop shoving it down our throats. But if so, what exactly do you hc?” (I’m kidding, no one’s thinking that last bit, but am I still going to tell you? I absolutely am.)

Family is and always will be very important to me as a person and a writer, whether I’m writing for a romantic ship, a platonic friendship, or even just a childhood fic, the main character(s)’s family means a lot to me, both for the development and for my own background knowledge. This is why as soon as I took an interest in Sebastian I got to work exploring his parental relationships and their potential dynamics, (which is actually how I gathered the majority of the research for this post, although I’m also just a loser who knows a lot about lawyers). I have a Google doc dedicated to how I planned Sebastian’s life pre-Dalton, all the way back to his parents first meeting in college, and if anybody would be interested in looking at that please feel free to ask me because I would absolutely love to discuss exactly how I see the two of them. But, until then, to keep this short and sweet, I see Sebastian’s parents as busy, very work centric, but still loving and extremely spoiling people, especially towards their son. I think they try and make as much time for Sebastian as they possibly can, but when they find themselves overrun with work they fill the gap with material gifts, like (in his childhood) toys, expensive clothes, gadgets, and eventually a car. It’s a simple means of ‘we have the money to give him whatever he wants, so we’re going to do exactly that.’ I have many different reasons as to why I think he is as spoiled as he is, ranging from Sebastian being what is known as a ‘miracle child’ to the differentiation in how his parents were raised, but I won’t go on about it too much here, so once again, if you’re interested, drop me a DM. Individually though, this is how I see both Mr and Mrs Smythe.

Sebastian’s father: I picture him to be the type of person to be quite family oriented, but still extremely work dedicated and a determined lawyer, which is why he’s a role model to his son. His job doesn’t allow him too much flexibility in regards to when he works, so while he puts in as much effort as he can in his free time, sometimes work can be a hinderance (but again, not to the point of neglect). Equally, between him and his wife, I see Sebastian actually having his dad wrapped up around his finger in comparison to his mom, who I picture to be a little sterner. (maybe that “I bet he could make sure that got to them” line stuck with me a little too much, considering it’s context.) And overall I see him as the slow-burner parent, one it takes a lot to anger, Sebastian has to really push his luck in order to disappoint his dad, but if he does happen to get mad (ie: after the slushy incident) he’s going to simmer in it for a little while, which I think would cause healthy conflict between father and son. They’re close, so when somethings gotten between them, you know its no joke.

Whereas in regards to Sebastian’s mother, as I previously said I see her as the more hotheaded, ‘sparky’ parent, the type of person who can be quite argumentative and headstrong (which is where Sebastian gets it from), but tends to come down easier, which resolves problems quicker. While her husband is reluctant to punish Sebastian unless it’s something serious, she is quick to reprimand his bratty quips and bad attitude. As a person I see her as very work motivated and not at all fussed about family life, that is until she actually has Sebastian, and despite the fact that I see them as very similar in regards to personality, which means they happen to clash quite often, she adores him with her whole heart. I think they both do.

However, no matter how spoiled I picture Sebastian to be, his parents are not pushovers. He is not getting away with extremities, like the slushy ordeal, and even though I am forcefully set in my ideas about these people not being abusive, I still think there’s going to be arguments and disagreements, especially when it comes to these sorts of things. Not only are arguments common in all families, but when it comes to appropriately punishing a child who is so use to getting away with everything, it’s going to spark a conflict. Which is one of the few reasons I feel Sebastian continued pushing his luck when it came to the New Directions, things were cracking at the seams due to his own actions, and his determination to come out on top dug him a hole he couldn’t climb out of without admitting he was in the wrong and apologising.

I have developed a lot of ideas as to why I think Sebastian Smythe is the way he is, varying from the likes of internal mental issues, rebellious freedom, his parents getting busier, and in general just his over confidence in himself and determination to win. But you know what? No reason will ever be ‘reason’ enough for the crap he was pulling back then, nothing he was facing makes blinding Blaine or being rude to Karofsky or the Finn photos acceptable. I just like to think these side stories make his redemption- something that he had to learn to deal with instead of taking out his losses elsewhere- all the more sweeter, because at the end of the day, he has to want it. (Shameless plug but my fic ‘The Family I Found At Dalton.’ starts to explain the surface of this relationship despite the fact chapter one is about Nick Duval, and chapter two will delve much deeper into Seb when I get around to finishing it.)

I’ve made the in-depths of the Parisian move and Sebastian’s coming out far too complex to discuss in this already huge post, so again I say, if you wanted to see a different opinionated take on how that would work without abusive plots, please ask, because I have a lot to say.

Also I have dubbed Sebastian’s parents as Nathaniel and Gabrielle because them having long, French names you can shorten just like Sebastian makes my heart do the flips. It has been actual hell not referring to them by those names this entire essay by the way.

9) Conclusion.

At the end of the day, we know nothing about these two people as individuals, canonically we don’t know their names or their personalities, or their relationships with Sebastian, and as Glee is a fictional show with awfully inconsistent storylines and correlations to the real world, if we went back in time and gave the writing team this post, they would most likely just ignore every point I made in favour of doing their own thing, which yknow what? They’re entitled to do so, just like you guys are. Every point I’ve made today can be ignored simply because you like the trope, and that’s awesome for you. I don’t want it to seem like I’m trying to sway anyone or be inconsiderate to those who like this hc, that’s the beauty of fanfic, you can make and enjoy whatever you like and avoid the stuff you don’t. This was simply a way for me to express why I’m not a fan of this ‘popular’ idea, why I don’t think it personally works in context of the occupational knowledge I have and the impact it has on Sebastian’s development, and that be all. I’m very set in my ways about this personally, and I’m exceptionally attached to my version of Seb’s parents (Jamie and Hannah will tell you,) because like I said, family and originality mean everything to me as a writer, and as my discord friends know, I spent and still am spending a lot of time fleshing them out with original flaws and highlights of their own.

But with that, if you managed to make it through my nonsense, I hope you enjoyed the read and can understand, or at least respect, where I’m coming from. And if not, I at least hope you liked the random sprinkle of Sebastian photos/gifs throughout the post. This was both a joy and a nightmare to write, I kept wanting to disclaim my intentions out of fear of upsetting someone while still analysing my points to the best of my ability in hopes of doing them the justice I believe they deserve, so I do hope I’ve managed to accomplish that. I’m sorry it’s quite an off-putting chunk of text, I talk way too much for my own good.

[pleasantanathema]

Miche Zacharias | Ripe

Pairing: Miche x Fem!Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+ Only)

Warnings: Breeding, Cum Eating, A Lot of Cum, Multiple Orgasms, Established Relationship

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: This is part of my Nine Muses Event to celebrate 9k! Follow the link to read more fanfics I’m writing to celebrate. All this excessive cum is dedicated to the love of my life @titan-fodder​, thank you for always encouraging me and hyping me up 💖 

          “I can smell when you’re ovulating. It’s sweeter,” Miche buried his nose into your neck, stubble sending sparks up your skin, “thicker.”

           “There’s no way you can smell that.”

         Insistent hands pulled at your shirt, fingers sneaking underneath to rub against your sides.

           He moved you easily, like a doll on strings, pinning you against the door and caging you in with all his brawn. Your palms pushing against his chest were useless; Miche had always been like this, some unmovable force in your life. Always pressing against you, capturing you when you least expected it, just because he could. Because he knew you wanted him all the same.

           “Babe I can smell a titan a mile away, of course I can smell what’s happening in this sweet little body of yours.”

           A purr almost left your throat from how good it felt to have his large hands smoothing over your stomach, thumbs dipping below your waistband to tease closer to what he wanted. Your fingers curled into the green threads of his shirt, toes stretching as you tried to get closer. He dipped his head with a smirk, tongue sweeping into your mouth without question, dark, acidic notes of lingering wine stinging the back of your cheeks. It was bitter, addictive.

           Thrills spread across your back as you kissed him, sloppy, open mouthed and sinful. You liked being his dirty little secret, always fucking him when no one was looking. You’d done it for years, curling around each other late at night, drinking down cum and slick like hidden ambrosia.

          Long fingers wandered further into your pants, sinking into the wetness between your folds. A gasp left your mouth, but still you kept chasing his lips, drowning in him.

           “I should breed you,” he whispered.

           The words made your ears burn, made your lungs feel too hot. It was like you were already in the hazey headspace of sex and he’d barely even touched you.

           “Think about it,” his palms were white-hot heat as he stripped you, lips sucking at the tender places on your body that made you keen, “we’d make the prettiest babies.”

           You would, gods you knew that. Miche’s seed would be strong, virile, would create babies with brilliant green eyes and pretty faces. Something was churning in your belly, something deep, something blooming and ripe that was screaming to take part in the miracles of sex.

           “Everyone would catch on if I started swelling with a baby-sized bump.”

           “They would. But you’re mine anyways, doesn’t matter.”

           He finished tearing the clothes away from your body, heavy fingers trailing over your stomach as he stood, skimming up to your breasts to pinch at your nipples.

           “Get on the bed.”

           You already knew what he wanted, crawling onto sheets that smelled like him—leather and coffee, warm and inviting, like home—and pressing your face into the pillows, arching your hips up as he stood at the edge of the bed stroking his cock.

           “Fuck. Look at that pretty pussy.” A massive hand cupped your ass, his thumb making you shiver as he stroked over your folds, dipping the tip into your wetness so he could watch it stain his skin. “Let’s see how much cum you can take.”

           The burn of him sinking inside of you was always a shock, a smoldering pleasure that made you feel so weak, so full. He used to have to prep you, but over time he learned you liked the arousing pain, liked to feel every fucking inch of him as he took his time letting your cunt suck him in.

           His fingers were already on your clit before he even started moving, making you whimper and nearly buckle from the influx of pleasure that invaded your system.

           “Been smelling you all fucking day, baby. Want you to milk this cock.”

           You almost toppled over when he started to thrust, little waves of delight spreading up your spine with every drag of his cock along your walls. He knew how to play you, circling your clit so perfectly that you were already shaking. Your lower belly already hurt from clenching, all the euphoria rushing to your head and making you feel drunk.

           “God you get so fucking tight,” he grunted, starting the kind of brutal pace that told you he was already aiming for the endgame, ready to fill you up and watch you drip.

           “Fucking god, Miche, you can’t just—” but he could, your walls clamping before you could even enjoy the build up of orgasm, Miche pinching your clit just enough to wring your orgasm out of you. It almost hurt, so fast and hot and had your pussy so tight that you felt like you were going to burst around his cock.

          The tight squeeze brought him closer, had him releasing your clit so he could use his long arms to pull you up by your shoulders. You were still spent, body only moving in response to his powerful hips slapping into your ass. He loosely placed his hands around your neck, pulling you back harder with the fresh leverage.

          Your whole world felt centered around the drumming of his cock on your insides. It all still burned, like a warm, wet glow between your legs, filled to the brim with him. You were gasping and moaning, little sounds you just couldn’t help, too overwhelmed, too lost.

          Those massive hands of his got tighter around your throat. Miche’s grunts were kissing your ears, like a rhythmic hymn that he loved to pray.

          “Yeah, fuck, gonna breed you, baby, fuck my seed into you.”

          Lewd words and sounds made you flush, heat racing up your neck to your ears.

          He almost choked you when he came, hips stilling for a moment so you could both feel the way his cock pulsed. It was already too much cum to keep in, dribbles spilling out over your pussy and around his cock to paint the inside of your thighs.

          But he didn’t stop.

          Miche pulled your back to his chest, stretching your aching muscles as you stayed on your knees. His cock was still hard and twitching inside of you, fat and heavy as he started to push back into you. Your head dipped back against his shoulder, one of his hands holding your neck while the other splayed across your stomach before moving lower. Two fingers slid along the folds of your cunt, spreading around his intrusive cock so he could feel the mess he left behind.

          “I’ve got you, baby,” he groaned, lifting those fingers to your mouth. You took them in, mewling at the taste of cum and slick pooling against your tongue. He kept your mouth stuffed with the digits, allowing you to scream around them as he picked up his pace.

          He was a man determined. He promised you cum, threatened to breed you, and he was going to.

          You could feel the power within his thighs as he slammed into you, feeling his cock buried so deep you knew you would feel its ghost lingering within you for hours, days. Your used, sensitive clit was signing from his balls against it, your legs nearly crumpling from the force of his enormous body against yours.

          This time your pleasure was building, each plunge of cock sending you higher and higher into the clouds of ecstasy. It was too good, too much, and his cum just kept trickling down your legs as the time passed. It was mesmerizing to focus on the feel of the wetness spurting from your conjoined bodies with every rock of hips.

          Miche licked up your neck, beautiful nose sniffing in the scents of your sex, your skin.

          “You’re so fucking ripe.”

          He withdrew his fingers from your mouth, brushing the wet knuckles over one of your bouncing tits, twisting at your nipple.

          “W-want more,” you choked out, neck arched entirely back onto his broad shoulder.

          “More what? Tell me.”

          You took a moment just to gasp with everything thrust of his cock, trying to keep your wits.

          “Cum, mphf, want more of your cum.”

          He cursed into your neck, moving his hands to push your hips down, to bounce you on his cock like you were a tight little cocksleeve. He mumbled something about needing to feel you again, long fingers stretching back to your clit that was spread over him. It was electric, had you spiraling, pussy spasming against him, slick gushing with every crest of pleasure that came over your body. Your ears burned, your throat was dry, your head tingling with desire so forceful you felt like you had exploded. Your climax had you splitting apart, and also sucking him in so deep that it had him pouring his load into you.

          You were both so out of breath, you falling back onto your hands and knees on the mattress as Miche finally pulled his still throbbing cock from your cunt. You were ruined, the tightening of your belly making cum continuously bubble out your hole, drooling onto the sheets.

          “You look so pretty covered in cum.”

          Miche’s fingers were back between your legs, making you yelp as fingertips glided over your clit. Then he smoothed his fingers down your thighs, gathering what cum was still traveling down your legs. He pushed that lost cum back inside of you, making your fists tighten into the sheets. Over and over again he repeated the motion, taking his time to gather every viscous droplet and push it back into your quivering cunt.

          “Can’t let any go to waste,” he chuckled, eyes gleaming as he marveled over how much cum you could take. What still leaked out he gathered again, coaching you onto your back so he could dip his cum covered digits past your lips. You licked against his knuckles, sucking them in with a greedy smile.

          “Tastes good,” you cooed, observing how he was still enamored with staring at your glossy pussy.

           “Get used to it, I’m keeping you stuffed with cum until I put a baby in you.”