#I love you giant ass fish.....

[hoochieblues]

Céline et Julie vont en bateau: Phantom Ladies Over Paris (1974) dir. Jacques Rivette

[inf3ct3dd]

streamer!ellie pt.2

summary: i hated the other one of this that i made, so REMAKE TIEM!!!

warnings: miiinor sexual content, shit talking, gay people 😒

authors note: heheheh ples don’t flop this time..

- during her faceless days, she opened up a po box so ppl could send her things, and she made an amazon wishlist and she unboxed stuff on stream 😍😍

- one day she was unboxing a giant box of cat toys. string, those little feather stick things, even that weird automatic flapping fish thing (that she secretly loves and taped to her back one time)

- she was playing with this one toy that was a little fishing reel, and it had string and a little fish on the bottom. she went on and onnn about how shes a self proclaimed “fishing master” while garf chased it around, letting out little meows and growls of frustration.

- eventually, she lost her grip and let go of the pole. she bent down to pick it up, forgetting that her face would be in view. thus, the chat started blowing up.

ewwwbruh: FACE REVEAL

ewwife: EW WE CAN SEE UR FACE

ewwife: JUST THE SIDE BUT WE CAN SEE YOUU

ewssidechick: her nose looks so rideable…

- she got distracted petting garfield, and didn’t realize anything until she stood up. she was getting tagged over and over again on twitter, blurry pictures of her face (curtesy of the shitty webcam) circulating through her subreddit.

- “guys. im gonna erase this from ur memory…” and she literally held up this goofy ass hypnotizer pendelum and started fake hypnotizing everyone like “that never happenedddd” “you don’t know what i look likeeee” “that was fakeeee” “chat that was not reallll”

- and everyone literally js went along with it and pretended it never happened. like ppl were tweeting about it and everyone was like “huh??? what are u talking about bruh??”

- she did the same thing after falling off her rainbow unicorn scooter 😞

- one time she revealed that the “ew” in her username stood for her initials, and everyone was making the most horrendous guesses. elliam willace being the favorite one.

- “guys, my name is not edward wilson??? i am…not a man”

- shes gotten into so much drama…multiple notes app apologies have been issued via her instagram story.

- people would ask her opinions on other streamers, and she’d literally just be like “…i have no idea who that is.” and people would get so MADDDD but homegirl is literally just blatantly unaware

- or she would know , and would literally be like “they’re honestly super annoying and i would rather kill myself than watch them but whatever floats ur boat ig!”

- she played that “womp womp womp womppp” sound effect on her soundboard afterwards.

- SPEAKING OF. she abuses that soundboard sooo much. its so obnoxious and annoying like I SWEARRR!!! she’ll tell a horrible pun and play the crowd laughing and cheering sound effects while literally no one laughed.

“guys. whats the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament??”

“…live streaming.”

(crowd cheering sound effect)

“nooo thank you thank you, you’re all too kind, really!!”

- meanwhile chat was dead silent.

- every time she gets to choose her own name on a game its some dumb shit like "jizzmaster" or "chris fucker"

- “it appears you have entered innapropriate content.” “OHHH LOOK AT EPISODE LOOK AT THESE CORPORATE BIGWIGS TRYING TO CONTROL THE LITTLE MAN???”

- she just ended up naming him “chris phucker”

- like when she played episode on stream and made up really annoying voices for all the characters and made her character look like an elderly man, and made the love interest look like you 😍😍

- she messes up sm on games when she streams normally, but when you're there? she is LOCKED THE FUCK IN. sitting there so focused the entire time just to show off

- whenever she randomly goes silent she just starts SINGING. it's either nicki minaj or some fucking fnaf song

"IS THIS THE THANKS THAT I GET FOR PUTTING U BITCHES ON???"

- speaking of, her favorite fnaf song is def “stay calm” cuz she loves saying “hey kids. Nice to eat ya.”

- bought one of those "i paused my game to be here" tshirts…ironically. you refuse to let her wear it in public

- beefs w kids on fortnite sm... she has definitely gotten banned for saying she was gonna bomb a kids house or fuck their mom 😞

- every time she plays a game, she'll literally sit there and watch an 8 hour long video about the lore. she'll plop down on the couch and watch it like a movie

"did you know everyone actually thought that fnaf one took place in 1993, but it was actually 1992?"

- she definitely had you sit next to her when she played through fnaf because she was lowk scared the entire time whenever she heard you walking around the house while she was playing she'd hear footsteps in the hallway and be like. WHAT THE FUCKKK

-she'd have you right next to her, laying your head on her shoulder and messing with her free hand. if you fell asleep, she would be sitting there slapping her hand over her mouth whenever she gets jumpscared bc she doesn't want you to wake up 😞

- sometimes, while she streams , she plays one handed games and lets you sit and draw on her arm for fun. even got you a whole set of those skin markers so u could go ABSOLUTELY HAM. she got one drawing you did that said “r + e 4eva” tattooed in ur handwriting…such a sap

- she loves watching fan edits of herself...AND OF YOU. she'll be on her burner account with a whole collection on tiktok of edits of you.

ewwsbiggestfan: shes so bad i want her to hit me w her car...

- speaking of. imagine her using that account to make shitty capcut edits of you like

- shes ur biggest fan ongod

-WHILE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC OF “fans”…what if i made a completely new origin story for streamer!ellie and reader. what if they were both streamers….

- OKAY SO BASICALLY.

- you had started streaming about a year before ellie did. butttt, you two did very different types of streaming.

- you weren’t very into like, SERIOUS video games. sure, you played some stuff, like animal crossing and roblox and the sims, but nothing more than that.

- that wasn’t what you were streaming though.

- ever since you were younger, you had been wayyyy into…literature.

-by literature i mean fanfiction. heaps of it.

- actors, anime characters, BOOK CHARACTERS, you were in DEEP

- sometimes, for fun, you used to read them out loud in stupid voices. when you were alone, or with your friends, it was very entertaining

- that’s when you got the idea to start streaming it. if it could entertain your friends, and you, whos to say it wouldn’t entertain other people.

- well, it definitely did. in your first year, you hit 10k followers. people loved you. theyd make edits of you, send in requests of fics for you to read, everything.

- a while later, ellie started gaining more and more popularity. out of all the incomes of fame, fanfiction was the most. abundant!

- one day, you got a request to read an ellie x reader fic. at the time, you barely had any idea who she was, but you decided to just go with it 🤞🏽

- “who the fuck is elliam willace???”

- the fanfic was definitely very…graphic!

- “your hips rolled onto her thigh, her slender, tattooed hand palming at your waist. ‘you’re doing so good babe, fuck.’-“ “GUYS. ISN’T SHE NOT ON MUTE RIGHT NOW???”

- you couldn’t help but giggle the rest of the fic, feeling a nagging heat in your core. you didn’t even know who the girl was, but if this fic was accurate, someone would have to sedate you.

-“im actually. gnawing at the iron bars of my enclosure. GUYS. who is this woman…is she real… if she is. things are about to get WICKED.”

- not very thankful to you at the moment, she was very real. apparently, you and her were streaming at the same time, and your followers raided her stream telling her she was reading about you. her curiosity was obviously piqued, and why would she NOT join the stream?

- creeperewman: im definitely real!

- the text on your screen literally made your stomach fall into your ass. you stood up and legit just walked out of the room, camera still on. was she there the whole time???

- creeperewman: aww 😞 where’d she go she’s so badddd

- you eventually returned after a minute of calming yourself down, and low and behold, she gifted you 100 subs and followed you on instagram.

- she was definitely very real!! and that fanfic was…lore accurate. to say the least 😊

- after you two started dating, the two of you would often show up on eachothers streams. ellie, teaching you how to play cod, and you, reading with her.

- she secretly loves reading the fics people write about her and making fun of them, and every time you stream with her shes “subtly” hinting that you should read about her

sitting there pulling on her collar, looking away like “gee, wonder who you’re gonna pick today” with the worst fake laugh ever.

- “ellie can barely ride a scooter, idk why she’s in the mafia rn…” “you fall off ONE TIME and all of a sudden you cant ride a scooter. bullshit.”

- she makes fun of all the dumb pet names like “babygirl” and “darling” and randomly calls you them and bursts out laughing

- you still read those fics when you’re bored sometimes. and ellie MERCILESSLY makes fun of you for it

“yknow, if you missed me that bad, you should’ve just told me.”

[blue2black]

HAZBIN HOTEL BLOOPERS:

PART 1

—————————

Valentino: The UNGRATEFUL WHORE! *throws drink towards Vox*

Vox: *steps to the side but gets the drink on him anyway*

Vox: ...

Vox: Which whore are we—UGH, that smells. *chuckles while wiping his coat*

Valentino: Sorry. 😓

Vox: No, it's okay.

Director: CUT!

—🎬—

Valentino: The UNGRATEFUL WHORE! *throws drink towards Vox and hits him*

Vox: AH-

—🎬—

Valentino: The UNGRATEFUL WHORE! *throws drink towards Vox*

—🎬—

Valentino: THAT FUCKING WHORE! *growling, throws drink towards Vox*

—🎬—

Valentino: The UNGRRRRATEFUL WHORE! *throws drink towards Vox*

—🎬—

Valentino: The fucking 🎶whoooooooorrrrreee🎶 *spins gracefully*

—🎬—

Valentino: ... 😐

Valentino: *raises drink* THE UNGRATEFUL—AAAAAH—son of a- 🤬

—🎬—

Vox: Think of something that pisses you off.

Valentino: I can only break so many glasses before I get this fucking line right, Christian...

—————————

Angel: Eh, you fucked one cannibal pool boy, you fucked 'em all. *brings his drink to his lips*

Husk: I guess you have changed...

Angel: *laughs out his drink back into his cup*

—🎬—

Angel: I want you to like, sing me a lullaby in that voice.

Husk: Mm. 😏 *knows he's the shit*

—————————

Alastor: —for every other disrespectful WRETCH who DARES to question me.

Husk, shaking: UnderST—*seagull screech*—d.

Husk: ... 😐

Husk: I was trying to sound scared... *Alastor laughs*

Husk: That voice crack though. *smiles while getting up*

—————————

Vaggie: Action...!

Niffty: 😃 ->🧍‍♀️

Vaggie: ...

Niffty: ...

Vaggie: ...

Niffty: ... 😐

Niffty: 🥴

Niffty, covering her face: AHHHH, I can't do it!! 😆

Vaggie and Angel: 😆😆

—————————

Alastor: ... *toothy grin in place*

Director: CUT!

Alastor: *turns into a fish* �� Ooooo...

Alastor: 😲 Ahhhhhhh...

Alastor, rubbing his cheeks: Fuckin' Christ.

—————————

Giant Overlord Alastor (animatronic): I̶͎͇̙̳̙͍̼̺̺̠̿̂̉ ̵̢̗̤̥̯͚͎́̎̉̆̑́͘͘̕̕ẁ̸͍̎į̶̛͗̈̎̽̍̍͘l̸̝̳͙̓̆͊̆͠l̴̢̧͙̹͖̩̫̻͔̄͛͂̈́̓͝ ̵̳͕̗͙̭̟͙̭͍̙̐͊͐̊d̶̫̗̮̿̀̈́̔̌̉̿̓̚e̴̺̰̊̓͂v̸̞͚͕͚͕̱̝̿̍̎̀̽́̅̀͠o̸̢̧͍̳͈͎̼̪͑ȕ̸̠͇̓��̝̦͔͍̯̘̥r̷̨̤̦̰͈̞̠͚̀̃̇͋͝ ̸̢̭̺͖̭͖͚̃̉͒̐e̸͉͕̰̝͌̀̇̄͆̀͜͠͝á̴̢̞͓̝̝̗̪̪̓č̵̪̈́̃͋̈́̒̽͑̿͘h̴̡̡̛͇̱͓̭̟̟͚̐͜ ̷̧̲͔̏̄ȧ̶͈͈͎͚͖̺̫̼̓̄̇̍͘ņ̴̘͍̘̗̑d̷̢͊̔ ̷̢̢͔̙͚̙̳͌͋͑̕͘ḛ̸̲́v̷͉̗̆̐̑͂̂͜ę̴̧̜̙̰̈́͑̎̀́̍̇̆̕͘r̵̫̐̚y̴̟̺̙̑͂̽́̊̀͑͋ ̷̺̳̏̈́͒́͐̃O̸̯̲͂̇̋̈́̎͗N̷̡̟͇͔̯̏Ë̵̹̝́́̈́̍̀͐́̊͘ ̴͍͚̏͠O̴̰̣͙̭̥̹͙͇̓̄̈́̉̃̔F̶̲̝͔̖̗͕̭̜͐͗̉̍̃ ̴̢̡̮͖͓̕Y̸̢̡̞̪̦̫͂͊́̽͂͌͆̂̓Ô̸̲̻͕̄̊̋̆̏͐̋͝͝U̸̡͔͇͈̖̺̳͚̥̿ͅ!̵̢̬̬̝̙̈͌̔̇̓ͅ

Alastor, from behind the scenes: 😱

—————————

Angel: —I can handle MYSELF.

Husk: REALLY?! be- *Angel flinches back and almost falls*

Husk: —AH, sorry, that was too loud. *grabs Angel's arm*

Angel: These GOD DAMN heels!

—🎬—

Husk: Really??

Husk: Great, that wasn't loud ENOUGH.

—🎬—

Angel: You got this 👍😃👍

Husk, face in his hands: UuugggghhhhhaaaAAAAHHHHHHH—

—🎬—

Husk: Really?! Because I just saw someone self-destructing!

Husk: ...it seems like...I don't know...

Husk: You might need a bartender to talk to.

...

Director: When you say that last part, add a little softness to it.

Husk: Hahaha 😄 *Angel: 😁*

Director: Remember, you're trying to comfort him.

Director: Let's go again!

—🎬—

Angel: —I can HANDLE MYSELF!

Husk: RE—*seagull screech*

Husk: *face palms* Goddammit! Why does that happen??-

—🎬—

Husk: —how famous, how hot—

Husk: So, you might as well just...cut the act.

Angel, whips his head around: IT'S NOT AN act... *trails off laughing*

—🎬—

Husk: Loser. *lovingly*

Angel: No, you. *also lovingly*

—🎬—

Husk: Are we doing a string of this? *Angel: 😅*

—————————

Lucifer and Sera, taking a selfie: 😇😝

—————————

Lute: Got a good 275 this year, sir.

Adam: HAH, awesome, pound it danger tits. *fist bumps Lute*

Adam: Yeah, yeah...love you girl.

Adam, panicking: Ohhh no, I wasn't supposed to say that. *BTS crew laughs*

Adam: Charlie, your idea is shit—fucking hell—go back, go away... *waves Charlie away, looking down embarrassed*

Charlie: *laughing her ass off*

—————————

Angel, laying in the studio bed naked: I can't believe that the first acting role I ever get requires me to moan into a mic a thousand times.

—————————

*Husk and Angel chatting before the start of a scene*

Vaggie:

(She’s the #1 HuskerDust shipper on God)

[kivino]

I DON’T CARE WHAT’S IN YOUR HAIR || ROOMMATE!JOHN ‘SOAP’ MACTAVISH X GN!READER

Word Counter – 1.9k

Tags/Warnings – Some friendly banter, can be read as both platonic and romantic, fluff!

Summary – Your roommate Johnny comes back after his deployment and his hair looks like it needs a little trimming.

A/n – I AM ON MY ROOMMATE!SOAP AGENDA AND I WILL SPREAD IT FAR AND WIDE. let me know if you guys would like to see more roommate!Soap things on my blog, i'm very interested in different opinions!!!

ao3 link!!

Soap couldn’t wait until he was finally back home – several months had passed since his last leave and he was getting restless and antsy without the very much-needed rest. And, well, your company, which he missed more and more each day. You’d constantly be on his mind, plaguing his every thought with your presence, from a rather simple, passing “Oh, they’d like this joke” inside his head to talking the ears off of anyone who’d listen to him ramble about his lovely roommate, who he affectionately called “my dumbass back home”. Slowly, but surely, the number of people willing to lend an ear to restless Johnny became less and less, with each day of him staying on the base. So really, it was more of a favor extended to all the resident soldiers there.

Soap could almost feel the buzz of excitement itching under his skin, the commute back to your shared apartment was really long and tiring; the huge duffel bag filled to the brim with dirty laundry and a variety of clothes he shoved inside in a hurry didn’t help with the soreness in his body either. Soap, thankfully, didn’t forget to tell you earlier this week that his leave got approved, which you didn’t seem too excited about over the text, but he knew that you were screaming and jumping from joy. Maybe.

The last time he forgot to do that ahead of time he came back to an absolute disaster inside the apartment, with you trying to cook dinner while doing laundry, vacuuming, and cussing him out for not telling you earlier. Truth be told, Johnny didn’t mind if the apartment was messy, with undone dishes and whatnot, he’d help you do everything, but you were fixed on the fact that you should do it yourself and it’s absolutely crucial that everything has to be perfect by the time he’s back. Ghost joked that you had some military spouse mentality when Soap mentioned it to him (among countless other times he’d tell the big guy about you). Maybe there was some truth to this joke. Just maybe.

Regardless, Johnny could feel the bounce in his step and the same lightness in his chest when he was finally within a short walking distance of the apartment, and he just simply couldn’t wait to see you, even if you were a bit tired after all the cleaning you’d have to do in the apartment to keep up this image of a “perfect roommate”, despite being to him much more than just that. Seconds drag out unbearably long when he’s going up the steep stairs in the building that have certainly seen better times than the 21st century, and Soap thinks he could combust when he has to rummage through his pockets for the keys he hasn’t used in months. Johnny could hear the vacuum moaning from exertion from his place outside the door and an unintentional smile grazes his lips when he hears you cursing something out in your native language. Johnny finally fishes the key out of his pocket, hurriedly unlocks the door, and goes inside, as quietly as he can, which you can still hear even over the sound of a working vacuum.

“Johnny, you ass, you’re finally back.” You’re immediately distracted from the home appliance, as you turn it off and focus your attention solely on Soap, running up to him across the room and helping him with the giant duffel bag. “Thought you died out there with long they held up your leave.” You mumble with a chuckle that turns into a rough shriek, courtesy of Johnny squeezing the life out of you with a tight and warm embrace.

“Aye, there we go, bonnie, let’s hug it out!” If you could hear over his loud booming voice you were sure you’d hear your bones snapping from how tight his arms wrapped around your torso. You’d probably hug him back if you could free your arms out of Johnny’s hug too, but that didn’t seem to be an option at the moment.

“Johnny, for fuck’s sake, you stink!” You only hear a hearty laugh in response to your dramatic delivery. You tried to seem annoyed with Soap, which was a bit harder than you initially thought. You kind of missed him, the apartment felt cold and empty without his chatter.

“And that’s how you treat me after we haven’t seen each other for months? You wound me so deep.” The man says in a mock-sad tone. Deep inside of him, he felt that – you’re not being serious and just messing with him. So, he only continued squeezing you in his arms, without much thought. “When did you shower last time anyway?” you ask with a light groan. “Not in the past 24 hours, I’ll tell ya that.” Johnny’s chest rumbles with a low laugh and you can feel those vibrations going right through you, from how close you were.

“Oh, fuck off. And what’s with the hair? Decided to take some fashion advice from those edgy lads down the road?” You finally look up at Soap and he looks…Interesting to say the least. It’s obvious that someone probably helped him trim down the sides, since they didn’t appear much longer than they were several months ago when he left last. The longer part of the mohawk, however, made him look like he decided to go full mullet, with parts of his hair cut in certain places, like there was an attempt to make it shorter. It wasn’t bad-looking by any stretch of the imagination (in fact, you were sure, that Johnny can make look good just about anything if he managed to pull off the fucking mohawk in the first place), but you had to take the piss at him while you had the chance.

“Everyone’s a critic. Help me cut it then, will ya?” The man asks, slightly loosening his iron grip on you to look you in the eyes with an infectious smile.

“Only after you wash.”

“Naturally.”

And that’s how you find yourself in the cramped, tight bathroom of your apartment, Johnny sitting in front of the mirror on a stool, back hunched over the sink and you standing right behind him, with a pair of scissors and a clear goal in mind – sort out whatever mess was on his head. If it was up to you, you’d find a person who decided to make Johnny the next victim of their questionable fashion choices and cut off their fingers so they can never hold anything that can cut hair in their hands again. But for now, you just have to figure out what to do with Soap.

“You look like a feral rat on steroids, Johnny,” You say, as your fingers slowly drift through the longer, very grown-out parts of his mohawk. You look at his reflection in the mirror and your eyes meet, despite the weird angle his head was positioned at, just to rest on your stomach. Soap gives you a lopsided smile and closes his eyes with a relaxed sigh. That bath must’ve been good, you scrubbed the shit out of the bathroom yesterday.

“Well, somebody’s gotta be the pretty one outta the pair of us.” If you were meaner than you already are you’d yank his hair to teach his ass a lesson. But you don’t. And he knows you wouldn’t do that, which is why you can see one barely open blue eye staring back at you from the mirror. He’s such a pain in the ass, but you love him. The world will collapse the day you actually acknowledge that though.

“You’re butt-ugly.” You mumble instead, playing with the damp strands of hair that refused to stand up the way they did before his deployment. You didn’t know much about the military dress code but you’d be surprised if he wasn’t violating any regulations with how his hair looked.

“Yer mum would disagree.” Johnny gave another hearty laugh and leaned more into you with his back. It really felt great to be back home. He could’ve still lived with his parents and sisters back on that farm, but as much as he loved them, relatives were too much sometimes. Maybe he should visit them soon with you. That’d be great. Johnny just has to explain beforehand that you’re only roommates, so it doesn’t turn into a big mess, that he’d hate to sort out.

“You don’t even know my mum, you wanker.” You slap Johnny on the shoulder lightly and he doesn’t even flinch. “Come on, straighten up.” He reluctantly obeys and gets up from his unusual resting position, you hear no verbal protests from him. With a light, gentle motion your hand ruffles his hair in approval.

“I’m sure she’s a woman of refined taste.” This earns Soap another slap to the shoulder, to which he laughs like a damn schoolboy. Your eyes are glued to his hair, studying it carefully. You didn’t have much experience even trimming it on somebody else, so this was a bit nerve-wracking – you didn’t want to mess up and make Johnny look worse. Although not a lot of things could look genuinely bad on the man, you were willing to admit that. You finally take the scissors that have been sitting on the edge of the sink for the past half hour and pinch the longer stand that fell over Johnny's eyes between your index and middle fingers. “Well, what are you waiting for? Cut it.” He tries to hurry you, and you can’t even see the way he observes your expression - brows tied together in a thoughtful frown, Johnny thought it looked quite cute.

“Shut up, I’m thinking.” Your eyes rise to the mirror again and he playfully rolls his eyes. He doesn’t say anything though, letting you take your time, as you put down the scissors. You start ruffling Johnny’s hair again and you see the way he closes his eyes in the reflection, a warm smile stretching his lips. Your hand rests on the side of his face for a moment and not even a second passes, before you feel Soap’s palm rest over it in a gentle motion. But it doesn’t end on it, when he rubs his cheek over your skin, his stubble scratching you slightly. You let him have this moment though.

You look at his hair, as you ruffle and play with it using your free hand, and your realization makes you want to bash your head on the wall. You like it better like this. This is stupid and you feel like an idiot. At least you had an idea on how you can tell Johnny that you changed your mind about cutting his hair. Your fingers dive into his hair again, scratching the scalp lightly with the nails as you give your final verdict, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

“I don’t think I can make it any worse than it already is, to be honest. Somebody fucked you over real good with that one.” You lie right to his face. Johnny opens his eyes and gives you a mischievous smile when he hears that.

“So, what I hear is you’re chickening out?’ He asks with a light, airy laugh that makes even the cold bathroom feel warmer.

“Johnny, get out of here before I shave you bald”

check out my masterlist or send me a request/comment!

[bump1nthen1ght]

A Very Monstrous Kinktober: Day 6 (Dub-Con)

Kink: Dubious Consent

Pairing: Merman x Fem!Reader

Other Kinks: Yandere, Creampie

Warnings: Mind Control (Siren's Song), Kidnapping, Aforementioned Dubious Consent

Word Count: 1011 Words

Kinktober Masterlist

Drake has been to many beautiful places in his life. He’s been amongst a pod of whales, new mothers and calves heading back to their home. He’s been up close with vast coral reefs, in between ancient sea turtles and giant pods of fish. He’s even swam through the crashing waves of a hurricane, enjoying the foam and turning water around him.

But right now, there's no place Drake would rather be than in between your legs.

Your thighs feel so plush against his lips, the skin almost like tissue paper against his sharp teeth. The urge to bite down is strong, to hear your gasps and taste the sweet blood that pulses underneath. But he doesn’t want your first time together to be a painful one, as much as he’d love to mark and claim all over your body. No, instead he just dives in and sucks at your cunt, delicious flavors exploding on his tongue. Just the scent makes his dick bulge against his sheath, aching from the lack of touch.

You moan so pretty when his tongue shoves deep inside you, prodding at your walls, his nose nuzzled into your clit. He pets at your hip, forcing himself to pull away from your pussy.

“How does that feel, love?”

“Feels…good.” You slur, voice heavy and delirious.

Drake looks up, wishing he could see your eyes at their normal color. Under the calming trance of his song, they’ve clouded over and lost all their shine. It’s a shame, but you had been putting up such a fight, resisting your body’s calling too much. Drake is sure with time you’ll accept his love, his partnership, and he can see those beautiful eyes while making love.

For now though, it's better you stay half-aware and submissive. Your pussy will stretch much easier, taking his larger merman-cock with more pleasure than pain. Its a mercy, really.

Speaking of, as delicious as your cunt is, Drake is impatient to be inside you. Grabbing onto the rock below, he pulls his heavy body and tail out of the water. His face now lines up with yours, allowing him to give gentle kisses to your cheek and neck. The song you're under doesn’t give you enough coordination to kiss back, but you still nuzzle into the affection anyway. So cute.

“I’m going to fuck you now, my darling. Is that okay?”

You nod, shoving your face into the crook of his heck, relishing in his soft skin.

“Yes…I want your cock.” Your voice is still slow, partially convinced of what you need. It's so adorable, Drake coos. It's a wonder he didn’t snatch you up sooner.

Drake arms tremble with excitement as he lines his cockhead up with your slit, your wet pussy feeling so good against it. Finally, finally he’s going to mate you, claim you, breed you. After longing and lusting for so long, Drake feels like he’s in Nirvana.

His moan echoes as he finally enters you, taking time to slowly fill you all the way to his base. His nails dig into the rock below, leaving white claw marks in their wake. When your walls clench around him, embracing the intrusion, his hips spasm and he fears he may come undone too soon. But Drake bites his lip, sucking in the blood he draws, and fights it. He’s waited so long. He must savor this.

Drakes uses one arm to throw your leg around his hip, using the leverage to begun thrusting his cock at a steady rhythm. He lets himself be wanton and loud with his moans, all alone in this secluded cave off the shore. Even your tiny whines and panting bounces off this wall, music to his ears.

“Goddesses, you feel divine.”

Drake keens, snapping his hips against yours. He can feel his tip hit the deepest spot inside you, chasing the way you tighten around him when he does. The slick sound of his scales against your ass reminds him of your tasty pussy juices, how he’ll get to drink them up every morning and every night now that he has you. His cock twitches inside you, dripping with his own pre cum. Maybe he’ll suck on your pussy after he climaxes, tasting the mix of your juices together, tasting the affirmation of your love. That makes his cock twitch even more.

Drake meets you in a passionate kiss, devouring all your little noises. His tongue forces its way inside, unbothered by your minimal effort in kissing him back.

Your nails dig into his back, leaving minimal damage. Drake relishes in the feeling.

“I’m close.” You whimper, eyes clenched shut.

“Yes, yes, cum on my cock.” Drake pants, eyes wild with passion. “I want to feel your love, I want to taste you.”

You whine as Drake pulls his shaft out to the tip, leaving you empty and on the edge for a tantalizing 3 seconds. He’s soaking in this view, your chest flushed with a blush, sweat beading down your neck. He wishes this could last forever

“Absolutely perfect.”

Before you can whine and beg for it, Drake shoves his cock deep inside you, finally chasing that high. Your legs wrap around the base of his tail and shake as your orgasm washes over you, milking his cock. His climax comes soon after, making sure to fill up your womb with his seed as he spends himself.

Even soft, the heat of your cunt feels perfect around him. But Drake knows he may crush you if he lays his whole body on top of yours, so he slips out and lays by your side. Cum drips out of your cunt, which Drake makes sure to finger back inside. Your eyes, still hazy, close shut as you rest against his side. Your breathing becomes steady, falling into a gentle sleep as your exhausted body comes off the high of his siren song. Drake strokes a hand alongside your cheek, so blessed to know that your visage will greet him every night from now on.

Yes, Absolutely Perfect

[bk-4-trash-fire]

More giant creator for the win

(chubby giant???? Yes please)

Anyways....

Traveling with the loving bard was a challenge.

A challenge you were losing.

Having a clingy bird wasn't even the worst of the trip

It was when said bird had to do things without you

Normally venti will straight up refuse to do anything without you

Biting onto your hand whenever you try to get him off you

Lil shit won't come off.

Making your way to liyue wasn't the best but it could've been worse...

Wasn't helping that being a giant hurts you ability to move freely..

What seemed to be miles of wide open space looks like a narrow hallway..

And while you were trying to unstuck your ass from the wall

Venti was sleeping on your shoulder

I swear to-

Ok we made it..

Wait.

Liyue is more narrow than mondstadt

Shiiiiiii-

Ok then it's gonna be like twister but lives are at risk...

Yeah no let's not

Better stay near the port

And by near you mean in the waters

Your arrival wasn't unseen

Zhongli was jumping for joy in his head the moment he saw you

So great you now have two old archons clinging to you like their life dependent on it

You were locked out of the main city due to you know....

Your size...

You did try but it led to you having to stay on your toes and pray you don't lose your balance

But on the bright side you got to play with the others near the docks

Having talks and giant riding sessions for the kids or just having tea and snacks

Speaking of which food was also a problem...

Your little acolytes thought the best idea was to make you a dish for your size

But no animal would be big enough to be used as a replacement for the main ingredient

Instead you swam in the sea before diving in and fishing out a whale

Was it cool to see? Yes.

Was it just as scary? Yes.

Sleeping became three times more unbearable

Because you now have

A clingy bird

A very loud purring dragon

And a yaksha who has....alot of issues..

Man hopefully this can't get worse right??

As promised the continueation I of the giant creator series

Just a heads up it's going to be taking longer to get chapters and one shots due to work and grades

So I hope y'all can understand that I'm trying my best to get these out as quickly as I can

Have a great day (or night as I'm writing this)

[pearlsinmyhair]

⚔︎⊹ ࣪ MODERN!MIZU HEADCANONS

i had to write something for her- i was itching. headcanons are always kinda scary for me so i hope you like them

anyways: very light on x reader, with general mentions of mizu having a partner. that being said, no nsfw (for this one).

real quick! : i use she/her pronouns for mizu in this. if this is triggering for you, which i completely understand if it is, then please don’t proceed.

≈ she most definitely owns a cat. mizu is one of those pet owners whose animals reflect their personalities. her cat will tolerate some and scamper away from the rest of those who dare try to pet them. the feline avoids taigen, is chill with akemi, and pretends to hate ringo (she purrs as soon as he walks into her apartment, but she does so with a grumpy face).

≈ surprisingly, the fur baby let you scratch her under her chin when you first came over- which, believe me, mizu noted.

≈ has a butterfly knife.

≈ can do extremely elaborate tricks with it -are we surprised-

≈ one time taigen tried to copy her and it ended with him slicing a finger open and almost flinging the knife into his face.

≈ there’s a blood stain on the rug in mizu’s living room, and whenever taigen brags she’ll just silently point at it to humble his ass.

≈ also has a fish. specifically a beta fish. they’re solitary and will fight others if kept together, and i think mizu would find some kind of kinship with a little angry beta fish.

≈ no, her cat doesn’t try to eat her fish. everyone is convinced that the three beings in the mizu household can read each others minds.

≈ this idea isn’t squashed when you eventually move in, because three simply becomes four, and you all move around each other and communicate perfectly without so much as a look. it’s freaky, and taigen, akemi, and ringo will watch them in silence trying to figure it out.

≈ she wears those giant bermuda-cut jean shorts. akemi hates them, which just makes mizu love them more. she loves seeing her face scrunch up with disgust when they meet up.

≈ gym girlie gym girlie gym girly-

≈ girl’s got a snatched waist, it’s not faaaaiiiirrrr-

≈ definitely has tattoos, and everyone of them is meaningful. there’s a teeny tiny pheonix at the nape of her neck, a dagger on her ankle for swordfather, and a Hokusai wave trailing down her bicep that she gets extended every now and again.

≈ speaking of the wave tattoo, mizu has a deep seated love for the ocean. as in, she’ll never tell anyone outright, but if the group is anywhere near the beach for the day, mizu disappears. they find her via taigen (he has her location under the guise of knowing where to find her body if she gets killed), and she’s waist deep in the waves, just kinda meditating.

≈ she doesn’t get visually cold. like, cmon, sis was wandering around in the snow and sporting a little red nose. she doesn’t complain, doesn’t shiver, and her teeth don’t chatter.

≈ that is, unless you’re close to her.

≈ she’ll allow herself to be babied after putting up a fight (ahem ringo) but a bitch will melt if you fret over her.

≈ factory reset when you try to warm her hands up by cupping them in yours and breathing on them.

≈ taigen will gag if you both show pda, and mizu will threaten death.

≈ this woman has enviable fashion sense. off duty model vibes, even though she’s not trying.

≈ favors baggy clothes, and likes a more androgynous appearance.

≈ that being said, the eyeliner on her slays. just as sharp as her sword, and she’s got ariana grande skills when it comes to applying it.

≈ rbf all the way. most people think she hates them (she does, but she’ll never confirm it) because her default expression is stern.

≈ i think she’d wear rings. all kinds- she likes to twist them when she’s thinking.

≈ if she were to go to college, i feel like she’d pursue some kind of history degree or art history and specify in either japanese military history or traditional art (im projecting-)

i’m actually fighting fear to post these-

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Please, elaborate on wishiwashi! I am learning a lot about pokemon as the mother of a small child who declared himself meowth, so I am a pokemon immigrant.

Okay so most Pokémon fish are limpid and dull but let me tell you about Wishiwashi

So Wishiwashi is a weak-ass pathetic craven fish whose entire emotional range is "sobbing animé tears", which it does at all times. Imagine the weakest, most useless little animé anchovy of all time, and then imagine it trying to exist in a world where ecoterrorism is rife, ghosts are real, the horrors of the deep (above it on the food chain) have magic powers, and sometimes you might need to fight god. Imagine what that looks like.

Imagine no more. Here it is:

BUT THE THING IS

Pokémon all come with an Ability - a superpower they innately have. Some are absurdly powerful (there are gods who change the weather with their very presence), some are quirky (there's a horrifying bear with Fluffy - so much fur it takes half the damage from physical moves but twice the damage from Fire moves), and some are useless (Run Away, the Ability that lets you run away from wild Pokémon.)

Wishiwashi has a unique Ability. It is called Schooling.

Basically, as long as its health is above 25%, it schools with other Wishiwashi into the shape of a single giant monstrous fish. They arrange themselves into a fish shape, and move like a single Pokémon. This makes Wishiwashi so powerful it becomes immune to multiple other moves. It becomes so powerful its base attack jumps from 20 to 140. It becomes so powerful it's known as the demon of the sea. Imagine what that looks like.

Imagine no more. Here it is:

And then you take its health down to 25% or less and its friends freak out and everyone leaves and it's back to being a crying useless wimp.

I love Wishiwashi

[eratolasting]

Always (Eddie Munson x Reader)

Summary: Eddie falls asleep while you're watching a movie.

Warnings: Smut, brief SOMNOPHILIA, pet names, oral (m recieving), face fucking, name calling, unprotected sex.

MINORS DNI. 18+ ONLY

You were laying on the couch, your head in his lap as he softly played with your hair.  A Nightmare on Elm Street played on the TV, something he picked up from the video store that you hadn't seen in years, not since it originally came out. But you weren't complaining. How could you complain when your head was in your favorite man's lap and his fingers were brushing through your hair? 

 You couldn't. You simply couldn't. 

"Princess?" His voice was a soft hum, like he was sleepy. 

"Yeah?" You asked, tilting your head back to look at him.  

But when you did, you saw he was asleep. You giggled softly and covered your mouth to stifle the sound. It wasn't often that Eddie fell asleep before you, so when he did you definitely took advantage of staring at him. He was so pretty. But God, you missed those eyes. 

His fingers curled in your hair and you watched him lick his lips. Something akin to a moan escaped them, and you felt his hips shift upward. 

You swallowed, thickly.  Slowly, you sat up and looked at him, his hand falling from your hair. 

"Fuck, baby." He hissed. 

You realized, quickly. He was having a sex dream. 

Both amused, and turned on at the same time, you sat back and watched him for a moment as his hips pressed up into nothing, his head tilting back. 

You licked your lips, and reached, watching his face as you slowly undid his belt buckle and plucked open the button of his jeans. 

His brow furrowed, and you stopped for a moment. 

"Just-just like that…" he mumbled.  "Good girl." He groaned. 

You unzipped his jeans, and felt his hardening cock through his boxers. He moaned louder for you, now that he was actually being touched. 

You pressed your thighs together, feeling the wetness down there seep through your panties. Fuck, why was this so hot? 

Part of you knew it was wrong…but you didn't think he'd mind. 

You fished your hand into his boxers and let his cock free from their confines. There it stood, hard, upright, and waiting for you. 

You licked your lips again, and grasped it at the base before licking the tip once, twice, and then you took his head into your mouth, suckling softly. 

His hips shifted upwards into your mouth, cock twitching as it finally got some actual release from tension. You moaned softly around him as you dipped your head to take more of him into your mouth. 

His cock hit the back of your throat, and it was then that you felt the hand on the back of your head, pushing you lower. 

"Slut," he growled to you. His voice sounded dark, angry. "Wanted to suck my cock so bad you decided to take it up on yourself to do it while I was asleep?" He asked, reaching his other hand back to slap your ass. 

You moaned, unable to speak as his cock choked you. 

"Fuck, you're so fucking bad." He squeezed your ass and gave it another good smack before he ripped your leggings down so he could grab it, bare. He jiggled it in his hand, still holding your head down on him. 

You couldn't breathe. He knew that. 

You panicked, pushing at his legs before he finally let you up, and you coughed, sucking in a giant breath. 

"Fuck, Eddie!" You pushed him in the shoulder. 

He grabbed you by the hair. "I was only punishing you. I thought that's what you wanted, sweetheart." 

Heat pooled between your legs. Yeah, it was what you wanted. It's what you always wanted. 

You let him guide you back down to his cock, and he held your head still while he thrusted into your mouth over and over, relentless and rough. 

You choked, gagged, drool dripping from your lips as he fucked your mouth with no regards for how you felt. 

God you fucking loved it. 

You hand slipped between your legs to cure some of the aching between them. Your finger swirled over your sopping wet cunt before finding your clit. You moaned around him, and finally, he stopped. 

"Climb on, bitch." He spat at you. God he was being rough today. It sent a shiver down your spine. 

You tugged your leggings the rest of the way off and straddled his legs, as he held his cock in hand to steady it. One of his hands grabbed your hip to help guide you as you sunk down on his throbbing, large length. 

You both shared a moan, and your eyes rolled back as he filled you up. He was so fucking big. 

Both hands grasped your hips, while yours rested on his shoulders. You started moving, rolling your hips downward as he thrusted up into you, your skin meeting together with a loud smack!

"Fuck, Eddie-" You whimpered as he fucked into that sweet spot inside of you.  

You weren't even expecting to have sex today. It was just supposed to be a chill night together of cuddling and movie watching. But obviously you had other plans. But it was his fault, right? He was the one having a wet dream. 

You hoped it was about you. 

Jealousy shot through you like lightning as you looked down at him, your hips still moving. 

"What were you dreaming about?" You asked him, breathlessly. 

"What?" He responded, dumbly. He was too busy thinking with his cock. And it was currently buried deep inside you. 

"Your sex dream. What were you dreaming about?" You asked again, your arms shaking slightly. 

"Aww, baby girl, are you jealous? Thinking I'm dreaming about someone else? Well, don't worry… It was all about you. In the back of my van." He caressed your face for a moment, then a mischievous look crossed his face and he gave you a good slap. 

You cried out softly, your pussy clenching him inside you. 

"Fuck." He groaned out, before giving you a second slap. 

"Eddie- I'm cumming!" That's all it had taken for you to finish off, a few good, dirty slaps to the cheek. 

Your pussy throbbed and clenched around him as you came, creaming on his thick length. 

Then, he was cumming, your pussy milking him for all he was worth. 

His thrusts slowed, and you panted in tandem, both coming down from your highs. 

"You okay?" He asked you, kissing your cheek softly. 

"Yeah," you nodded, a little spent and bleary-eyed. 

"Good…. Hey baby?" 

"Mhm?" You asked.

"Always, always, feel free to do that again."

You giggled. 

[qprsmackdown]

Gillion, Chip, and Jay (JRWI Riptide) vs Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo (DSMP)

Propaganda beneath the cut!

Gillion, Chip, and Jay propaganda: They're three gay ass pirates who; despite coming from very different backgrounds, found eachother and formed the riptide pirates! All three of them are co-captains on their crew and they're trying to destroy the government HI HI HI I ALREaDY SUBMITTED FISH AND CHIPS AND IN THIS AREA I tALKED ABOUT HOW I WISHED JAY WAS ALLOWED AND THEN I SAW YOU ANSWER THAT ASK THAT SAID YOU CAN HAVE MORE THAN 2 PEOPLE SO IM SUBMITTING THE ALBATRIO INSTEAD THANK YOU LOVE YOU Gillion is canonically asexual and shipped with both Jay and Chip respectively. I just think they are all very queer and platonically in love is all. I love polyamory. Put those guys in a relationship.

Benchtrio propaganda: My friend wrote a fanfiction detailing their platonic relationship from childhood friends to spouses. It is over 1 million words long. Pls he needs this

my good friend sunny wrote over 1million words of fanfiction about them that was so good it permanently altered my brain chemistry. also i think the feat of over 1mil words is worth the win (:

Ranboo and Tubbo are canonically married, semi-canonically platonically so. Tubbo and Tommy have known each other for years, and have an understanding of each other that no one else does. Tommy and Ranboo went through a very awkward and begrudging beginning of their friendship, but Ranboo would go on to make Tommy's grave when he died.

I want to start off by stressing that these 3 are characters and are not at all connected to the real world creators that portrayed them aside from having the same name.

c!Ranboo and c!Tubbo were canonically married, with the nature of their marriage being largely ambiguous and up for interpretation! They live together in a mansion with their adopted child, Michael, a tiny baby piglin! c!Tommy was never an official part of their marriage, but the three spent so much time together(before the series' writing took a very unfortunate turn due to behind the scenes stuff) that they might as well have been a qpr polycule! It is confirmed that c!Ranboo(an 8'5 foot tall enderman hybrid) can only look 2 people directly in the eyes with it being STRONGLY implied those 2 people were c!Tommy and c!Tubbo! Their relationship didn't get as much time as it needed due to the series's unfortunate downturn near the end, but while it was there, it was a very comforting, very tender relationship between 3 traumatized young queer teens who were their for one another through their journeys in healing from their various traumas. Also one time c!Tommy and c!Ranboo got high together in a tiny smoke box they made(they also met when Ranboo hit him on the head with a giant flower. An allium, to be specific!).

[devildomwriter]

One Little Thing, A Ring Part V | Mammon x Reader

1.2K Words | GN! Reader | CW: Slight angst

Mammon blushed as you held him in your arms. He wiped the dried tears from his cheeks and tried to straighten his hair. You both sat in silence until Mammon couldn’t bear it and lied, “nothin’s wrong.”

You glared at him and he shifted awkwardly and looked up at the hanging Christmas lights instead. You followed his gaze and came to a partially true conclusion.

“Oh, is it holiday stress?”

Mammon decided this was technically the truth and he crossed his arms and nodded still blushing. Embarrassed he’d cried in his sleep. What was there to cry about…this was everything he wanted. But was he what you wanted? He had to be right?

You could tell Mammon’s mind was swirling with anxious thoughts and hugged his side. His breath hitched in his throat and he leaned his head on yours.

“Let me know when you’re ready to talk about it…” you whispered and he nodded.

It was quiet again and as soon as you turned the lights back off Mammon blurted out the question he’d been dying to ask. “Why do you love me?”

Your eyes shot open and you stared at him in amazement. “What!?” You gasped and he flinched in shock. He hadn’t expected that big of a reaction.

“What do you mean? Don’t I always tell you, all the time?” You asked, concerned your absence with work was taking a toll on him—he was always pretty sensitive, and as hard as he tried not to, he wore his heart on his sleeve. It broke your heart to see his conflicted expression and you began to panic.

Why was he thinking these things now of all times? You hoped this wouldn’t ruin everything and bit your lip anxiously.

Mammon was quick to assure you that you’d done nothing wrong. He quickly got out of bed and started pacing the floor, trying to get rid of his excess nerves.

“Like…I mean…I ain’t rich…like I’m tryin’ but…” he sighed and finally let it all loose. “Why’d you choose me? Im happy ya did obviously but like, I’m not a prince like Diavolo, I’m not a trillionaire or whatever he is like Mephistopheles. I don’t control time, I’m not the strongest brother, I don’t summon a giant ass fish-snake-thing, I can’t charm entire crowds, I’m not a famous author or heaven’s greatest warrior. Hell, I can’t even cook, and half the time I clean things it ends up worse! Aren’t ya gonna regret it?” You gasped and he held a hand over his chest.

A tear slipped down your cheek and he froze, pale as a ghost.

“Mammon…I will never, ever regret you.”

Mammon’s heart lifted slowly as you continued. “I do not love you for money. I do not love you for power. I do not love you for fame. I don’t love you for a home-cooked meal or a journey through time.” You wrapped your arms around him and leaned into his exposed chest. “Mammon. I love you because you’re kind. You care far more than people realize. You’re both extremely adorable and incredibly handsome. You always think about how I feel first. You might steal your brothers’ things but you’re also the first to jump to their defense and put yourself in harm’s way. You are loyal to your family and your friends. I love you because you are amazing. You’re my greatest support, my strongest ally, my most cherished friend. Everyone else is family to me, cherished family…but I don’t love them like I love you.”

Mammon was sniffling and holding back his tears as he hugged you tightly.

“I-I’m sorry,” he practically wailed.

“What? Why are you sorry?” You asked, dumbfounded.

“The truth is I’m stressed…I’m stressed because,” he blushed and decided to confess what he’d found. “Cause I went snooping through your room and I found the wishlist you made…and I wanted to get ya the perfect ring but…”

Your eyes widened in shock as he groveled.

“But I’ve always been too damn nervous to ask ya what ya like best and even though I’m breaking my back for Diavolo and Barbatos, I definitely won’t have enough money to get you the perfect ring for you! I can’t even figure out what would be the perfect ring because you look good in all of them,” he blushed madly and the room was silent.

You stepped back from Mammon and turned around to head to your bed.

“Huh-Wha?” Mammon was astonished you’d just walk away and became nervous he’d said too much.

“I’m sorry I know I shouldn’t have snooped—“

You held the piece of paper to his face that he had tucked back into the envelope and hidden back underneath your bed.

“This is my wishlist?” You asked and he nodded shyly.

Again there was silence until you shook your head and began to laugh. Your laughter grew louder and you fell onto the bed, clutching your stomach.

Mammon was bright red. He’d never felt so embarrassed.

“H-Hey! What’s the big idea laughin’ at me!”

You shook your head and wiped the tears out of your eyes. “Oh, Mammon…” you giggled and reached back under the bed. You pulled out the gifts you’d wrapped for him.

“Mammon,” you said, making sure he was paying attention.

“Y-yeah?”

“That wasn’t my wishlist.”

Mammon froze, “h-huh!?” He hid his face in his hands. He couldn’t believe he really thought you were ready to tie the knot.

You grabbed Mammon’s hands and he slowly took them away to see you kneeling in front of him.

“It was my checklist,” you clarified and his eyes widened. “I was planning on waiting until Christmas Day but…”

Mammon let out a loud gasp and his hands shook as you held up a small velvet box.

“Mammon…will you make me the happiest person in all the realms and marry me?”

Mammon’s floodgates open and his lip quivered. He nodded enthusiastically and leaned into your arms. The box fell from your hand as he hugged you on the floor.

“Yes! Yes of course I will!”

You laughed excitedly and hugged him tightly. You felt his small wings flap in excitement and stayed there on the floor frozen in time.

Minutes passed and Mammon had finally calmed his heart. He sat back up and pulled you with him. He crawled to reach the box and opened it back up to see the shining golden ring inside embroidered with diamonds.

“Shit…how’d ya even afford this beauty?”

You laughed, “That’s why I’ve been working so hard lately too.”

Mammon chuckled that you’d both had the same objective this entire time and he hugged you again. “Here,” you declare, taking the box back. “Let me put it on your finger.”

Mammon nodded and his wings flapped as you slid the ring onto his finger. It was a little big but with a few words of sorcery, it fit like a dime.

Mammon grinned, blushing madly, and began laughing. He jumped to his feet and ran to the door beckoning you over, “c’mon! We’re showing everyone right now!”

“On one condition,” you grinned and he nodded, waiting to hear it. “Introduce me as your fiancé.”

He turned redder than he was before and nodded quickly as he grabbed your hand and pulled you out the door behind him.

“Hey idiots wake up! Guess what, you were so wrong!”

~Fin

Part I • Part II • Part III • Part IV

[mortuarywriting]

I needed to get this out 'cause I've been chewing on it for a few days now but couldn't word so hot.

So have a snippet of the self indulgent project

You looked down at the man sitting on your couch, "d'you want me to bring this up now or when your friends leave?"

His brow furrows, "what's it about?"

"You told me if you forgot to-"

"Oh fuckin hell-"

"- do the one thing you had on your to-do list before you left for me to badger you."

A long, begrudging sigh, "yes."

"And did you do it."

"No."

"Okay. Do you want to do this now or later?"

He leaned back, putting his drink down and crossing his arms, "do your worst."

You nod, nudging a leg so he stopped manspreading enough for you to sit just on the edge of his knees, ignoring how his brow raised as you put your hands on his shoulders, "you acknowledge that if you stand up to try to walk away from this I'll fall and crack my head open on the coffee table, yes? Making a giant mess you'd have to clean up? If not hide a body," he gives a grunt you take for assent, "good. Do you accept the terms and conditions?"

"'M waitin' doll."

"Alright, as you wish," you move one hand from his shoulder to cup his cheek, making direct eye contact as you begin, "you have value beyond what you can do for other people or your country, people legitimately enjoy being around you."

You watch in glee as his eyes widen, realizing what exactly he just let himself get roped into, "wait-"

You don't let the mirth show on your face as you continue with a matter-of-fact tone, "you have more patience than you let people think and that's a commendable skill- no it is not just a work requirement do not try that excuse with me. That's better. You listen well- no not just to orders close your mouth there's no deflecting from this- you actually listen not just hearing. You listen to me ramble about the dumbest shit. You have excellent suggestions and a good perspective when someone needs to take a step back. Despite what you may think, if you didn't have redeeming qualities outside of your job the FC wouldn't like you. They love you- don't even try to deny it- they're all excited for you to bring Fish back around. You're funny and I love exchanging the worst jokes known to man and several known only to dolphin with you. Need I say more?"

"Rather you didn't."

"For that I'm adding you have beautiful eyes and a wonderful ass," and on that note you patted his cheek and slid off his lap to stand up, "anyway per your request it's still on your list, I did run out and pick up more of your bodywash and got you a new shampoo and conditioner. They're all separate this time it's great you should try it. While you figure out how that works I'm gonna toss your biohazard of a mission outfit into the wash. If I'm not back in 10 send for a priest they probably gained sentience and ate me. I expect you to avenge me if that's the case."

[geekedoutbunny]

Dragonball Saiyans x Black Wife Reader Headcanon (without kids)

Goku, Vegeta, Bardock, Raditz, Turles, Black, Broly

Hi....Hey.....How ya'll doing?

Sorry, it's been a while since I last posted anything. Life has been kicking my ass, but then again, it's been whooping all of our asses, some worse than others. But, I'm back, and I'll try to make more regular posts, but it's whatever because life right now is so unpredictable. So, in reality, I'll be posting whenever my mental psyche can handle life.

MASTER LIST

GOKU -

Being married to Goku was actually fairly easy. He was so sweet and was always ready to help you. The only downfall was, that sometimes he was too cuddly, he either wasn't home enough or he was just too innocent. But you loved him either way. Some months were lonelier than others because he was off saving the world or off training, but he always made up for it with his love.

Living with Goku is like having a giant child, but it's a man with the body of a god. He has moments when he can be serious, mature, and understanding in adult-like situations. However, unfortunately, his child like and innocent mind wins over all the time.

But that's what makes him unique. Due to his innocence, it makes him the sweetest man on earth. Compassionate, giving, uplifting, playful, and encouraging.

He's a bitter-sweet treat, sexy, tall, and handsome. Yet, too innocent, too sweet, too childlike. But, you love him either way.

In the morning, you're usually the first one awake, although it's pretty 50/50 especially when there is a possible threat approaching the earth, then he's up and out of bed before the sun has even risen. But, whether it's you or him up first, you're still tasked with cooking a decent and edible breakfast. Sure, he can cool some good ass fish, some good smoked deer or boar, and even a few large birds. But you wanted foods like pancakes, waffles, eggs, toast..... normal foods..... with a hint of sweetness.

It was rare to share a shower together, but when you did, you tried to make it as steamy as possible. If you're awake before him, you'll take a shower alone, then you'll go and make yourself some coffee, enjoying your quiet morning to yourself. Once you've drunk enough coffee, you'll begin cooking breakfast.

At breakfast, you'll prep all your foods first, having your pancake batter already mixed, eggs already whisked, and bacon with some sausages already out and pan already buttered or greased up and hot. By the time you're done making about 300 pancakes, you'll be halfway through with the eggs at about 150, your bacon and sausages slowly cooking, about 60 or each already done. Goku would be moving about upstairs.

He walks rather quietly, so it's hard to hear him, but if you listen close enough, you can hear when his heels hit the floor, and you can most defiantly hear the shower running, you'll sigh to yourself, enjoying your peaceful little life, thinking of what you'll be doing for the day. When you place the last of the foods on their large platters, Goku will make his way downstairs. Usually, he's wearing his fighting Gi, but some days, like today, he's wearing a sleeveless white shirt with some loose black sweats.

You smiled at his outfit, mentally canceling all plans that weren't important. Seeing him in that outfit usually meant that he was staying home for most of the day. "Good morning, Goku." You'll kindly greet him. He'll smile back at you, his eyes having that locing shine in them whenever he sees you. "Morning, (Y/N)" He'll gently greet back. "Did you sleep well?" You asked. As you began placing the large plates on the table, he chuckled lightly. "I slept pretty well, actually, but I always sleep well next to you." He sweetly said.

You looked up at him, and you slowly placed the last plate down as a bashful smile came across your face. "Awww, Goku, that was so sweet." You said in a happy voice as you placed your hand over your heart. He chuckled cheekily as he rubbed the back of his head. Breakfast would be, well... the usual show.... at least for you. You usually finish your breakfast quickly, as you usually only eat one or two plates. While Goku would devour all of the food.

You would wash your plates, along with any other dish that Goku would scrap clean. Trying to keep your workload down. Usually, Goku would beat you though, He'd thank you for breakfast, but you'd make him help you with the dishes, because there ain't no way you were gonna clean all those damn dishes, you just cooked a big ass breakfast. Once the large dishes were clean and dried the smaller dishes went into the dishwasher, because fuck that.

After breakfast, you and Goku would usually go off your separate ways. You'd spend time on the couch, watching TV, or up in your room getting extra sleep, and sometimes you'll be in your bathroom taking a lusciously long shower or just redoing your hair because a bitch needs to look good.

While Goku would go off to train with Vegeta, or to do some shadow sparring, sometimes he'll go hunting if he's still hungry after breakfast or he'll chop down some extra wood for the house. Very rarely would he stay home, and if he did, then he'd watch some random show on the couch.

On a day like this, when he had nothing to do and just didn't feel like doing anything, he'd follow you around the house like a lost child. You didn't mind. He was quiet and only really spoke up when he had something on his mind. Other than that, he'll just silently follow you. And you'd use that to your advantage sometimes. You'll make him help out with some chores, like vacuuming, dusting, taking the dishes out of the dishwasher, and putting them away.

While you'll be making up the bed, doing the laundry, cleaning up the bathroom, whipping down the windows. During times like these, you'll play some music, usually, you'll play some Old school rap or some good R&B but sometimes you'll play softer music like Jazz and sometimes it's just whatever's on your damn playlist. Rock, Lofi, upbeat, slow, romantic, nightcore, you name it. Goku doesn't too much mind the music and some songs he even sings and dances to.

Sometimes, he'll dance to a randomly fast song, making you laugh. That'll usually lead to you both just quickly hopping around and just dancing to whatever the beat is. You would twerk or even break it down, but Goku usually wouldn't understand, but that's fine with you. After all the choirs are done, you both would curl up on the couch, watching whatever anime or TV show came to mind. He surprisingly had a few shows that he liked, mainly the fighting ones, but that's no surprise there. At least they were animes.

His favorites so far were;

Baki,

Kengan Ashura,

Jojo Bizarre Adventure (So far, his favorite was part 3-5 he's kind of wonky on 6),

Jujutsu Kaisen,

One Piece (He likes all the different fighting styles, and Sanji was his favorite character. He said he reminded him of Roshi.)

My Hero Academia

And his personal favorites Yu Yu Hakusho and Fist of the North Star

They were all good, so you'd watch them all with him. You were also into anime as well, and you liked all of the ones that he liked even more. However, you were more into romantic or more serious topic animes, but he'll watch those too.... sometimes. He'd usually fall asleep or get rather active and playful either in a childish way or in a more sexual way. There was no in-between for this part. But you weren't complaining.

Around lunchtime, you'll usually cook half of the meal, and the other half, you'll order it. For the cooking part, you'll cook a few giant pots of Rice, and the rest is taken out. Because you weren't no mf slave, and you're sure as hell ain't gonna be slaving away for no 30 hours just for him to come along and gobble all of that shit up in just a few minutes.

Usually, you'll order Chinese, as that's what he's grown up eating, but other times you'll order pizza. And lots of it. About 10 - 15 boxes. Depending on your budget, and if he didn't get full.... well, that's just too damn bad. He better take his hungry ass to Bulma's.

After lunch, you'll have him help you clean the dishes, drying the pots while you placed the smaller dishes in the dishwasher. You'll clean the table while he goes outside for one of his daily workouts or sparring sessions.

Usually, around this time, if he doesn't go over to Bulma's to train with Vegeta, then Vegeta will come and get him instead. By this time of day, it was truly a hot gurl moment...... Passing your ass out right on your big ass bed and sleeping, or just watching TV.

By the time when dinner comes around, You do the same thing you did for lunch, cook a few big ass pots of rice, maybe add in a few dozen boxes of Mac & Cheese, and order a big ass meal of Chinese takeout. By the time he is flying up, you're already placing the food on plates and making your own plate. He'll come in with a big smile on his face, sweaty from today's activities.

"WHOO!!! TODAY WAS A WORKOUT!!" He'll call out in a happy tone as he takes off his sweaty shirt and throws it on the floor along with his sweats and socks. You would make him take a shower, but you didn't want the food to get cold, so he was just gonna have to eat like that, but you didn't mind the view.

After dinner, you'll make him place his dirty ass clothes in the washer and go take a shower, while you did all of the dishes, you didn't mind too much, as it would give you something to do, because let's be real, by the time when 6 to 7 o'clock rolls around, there really ain't shit to do. Once you've finished fighting washing those big ass pots in that small ass sink, you'll take the smaller dishes and leave them for Goku to wash, as he'll be out of the shower soon. You had his laundry to wash. By the time when you finished placing his clothes in the washer and folded the clothes that you forgot in the dryer like 5 hours ago.

Goku is already loading up the dishwasher and putting away the last of the pots. You'll smile softly at him, happy that he washed the dishes willingly, and he even whipped down the table and the counters and threw away all the empty take-out boxes. He'll be putting the last of the dishes away, his sensitive hearing detecting your light footsteps as they approach him from behind, but he won't move nor react, and he'll softly smile when he feels you wrapping your arms around his waist as you lean against his back. He'll gently hold your hand, gently swaying with you as you both sway to the beat of your hearts.

After your tender moment, you and Goku call it a night, curling up on the bed and watching TV shows or animes until you both drift off to sleep.

VEGETA -

Being married to Vegeta... was rough. He was damn near never home, either off plant throwing a tantrum, off saving the day, or away training. When he was home he was hard to deal with, feeling like he was entitled to act like a bratty prince when in reality he had no damn kingdom or an empire. You sometimes wished he'd stay off the planet longer.

Living with Vegeta is like living with a man with class but not enough style to back it up. He's unnecessarily aggressive and he's constantly defensive, he can be frustrating at times but at least he doesn't smother you.

He has his rare moments when he does want to be intimate and when he actually wants to spend time with you and enjoy your company, he can be sweet and can be a great partner to talk to and cuddle, not to mention when his sexual drive is high, which isn't as active as most would think.

In the morning, it's usually Vegeta who awakes before you, usually so that he can train and meditate, you'll get up about 3 - 5 hours after him, if you wake up 3 hours after him, then you'll take a refreshing shower and actually take your time. If you wake up 5 hours after him, then you'll still take a shower but not so long.

It's 50/50 on who will cook the breakfast, Vegeta isn't the best cook, but at least he knows how to make Ramen and rice, you'll just add a few 100 eggs and sausages to the mix. If you cook breakfast then you'll throw in a proper breakfast. By the time breakfast is over, Vegeta is already racing to the shower, and you won't stop him, just know that he's going to have the smaller plates and other dishes to wash.

You'll whip down the table and the counters, before going to your couch to relax. Once Vegeta is out of the bathroom he'll try and make a beeline to the front door, but you'll stop him. "Uh, where do you think you're going?" You'll ask him in a questioning tone. He'll act like he can't hear you, continuing with his walk. "Hmph, fine act like you don't hear me then, just know you'll be sleeping on that couch tonight and you'll have to make your own lunch and dinner. AND... you'll still have to wash them damn dishes when you get back too." You'll say in a content voice as you'll get back relaxed on the couch and flick the TV on. Flipping through Netflix.

"Tch, GRRRRRR- FINE!!!!" He'll yell in frustration as he spins around on his feet and march over towards the sink. You'll give him a sweet smile in return. "Awwww, thanks, babe!!" You'll say in a sweet tone. "Hmph, whatever." He muttered. Once the dishes are done he'll go about his day, or Goku will pop up and ask for him to come and train, leaving you home alone fo

It was very rare when he didn't want to go out at all, and instead like a cat, he'll just wordlessly lay on top of you, his head on your chest and your legs gapped to fit him and together you'll both watch TV shows or animes. He was a lot like Goku he liked the fighting animes but he also liked to watch documentaries about warrior cavillations that use to exist on earth.

Not gonna lie, this shit alone is boring fuck, but with him, it seemed to become less cumbersome.

By the time when Lunch rolls around, You'll be ordering about 10 - 15 boxes of Pizza depending on your budget, and on the side, you'll cook a big ass pot of rice, maybe even two. If Vegeta went out for the day then you'll be enjoying the house to yourself. Sleeping, cleaning, and watching TV. But if Vegeta is home with you then you'll spend the day with him. Watching TV, working out with him (In reality you're just sitting on his back or being his weight) sleeping, Fucking, and cleaning.

If he's out then he'll be home as soon as you're done setting the table, he'll drop his sweaty clothes on the floor and then he'll dig in, if he's already home then it's straight into the food. After Lunch he'll try and act like he forgot his clothes on the floor, stalking off to the shower, but you'll stop him. "Umm, excuse me? Aren't you forgetting something?" You'll ask him in an annoyed voice, as you place your hand on your hip and point at his clothes. He'll look at it, then he'll look back up at you.

"No, you're already here, place them in the mat yourself." He'll snare back. You'll politely curl your lips in and slowly turn away from him with a deep inhale and then began saying the lord's prayers. "Lord have mercy upon this man, as he knows not what he does, for I dear lord am about to commit a hate crime by finishing off the last of an extinct race." You'll say aloud before you turn back around. He's already gone and so is the pile of clothes. "Hmph, he better had." You'll say with a fire in your eyes as you'll begin to wrestle with the large pots.

After his shower, he'll usually be pretty easygoing and would wash the rest of the dishes, it was rare for him to exit with an attitude, and when he does you'll just quietly pull out his pillow and a blanket and throw it on the couch. "See you in about 12 hours, bitch." You'll say before you'll go into your room and lock it. He doesn't like it when you give him the cold shoulder, so he'll pout on the cough and would come with a peace offering once dinner rolls around with some food he cooked up. Just seeing his effort and his slight puppy eyes makes you soften up and you'll let him back into the room.

However you don't always do that when he comes out of the shower with an attitude, some days you'll just go ahead and wash the rest of the dishes and just let him blow his steam off outside, other times you'll cuddle with him on the couch and sometimes you'll try and talk it out with him. Most times it's just him being stressed, so you'll give a good o'l stress reliever Wink.

Once lunch is over you'll both pretty much go your separate ways for the day, he'll either go sit on the couch, go outside, or go into your bedroom and pretty much take a nap or help with chores. While you'll either go sit on the couch, take a shower, or take a nap. But somewhere down the line you will do the laundry, whip down the windows, and the counters, and clean the kitchen, while Vegeta will vacuum, dust, and hang up his clothes and yours too if he feels like it.

All the while you'll be playing music, Vegeta isn't a fan of rap or rock. It gets him irritated and you didn't have time for that. So you'll either play Lofi, Jazz, Blues, or R&B, but sometimes R&B and Blues can make him feel some kind of way, so Lofi or Jazz it was. It gave you an idea of what kind of man he was.

It was rare when you'll both take a nap together and cuddle after chores.

At dinner, you'll do the same at lunch, cook a big ass pot of rice or two, and order whatever you guys were feeling, you both weren't too picky. Once dinner is over Vegeta is at his most compliant. He's more relaxed and calm around this time of day, so he'll help out without any form of threats. Sometimes you'll both hug in the kitchen and would just sway to some song you were humming.

Once it's bedtime, you'll both get in bed and watch whatever you were feeling. It was usually some kind of anime or TV series. You'll both cuddle, you were always the first to fall asleep, so Vegeta would either turn the TV off or put on some Lofi and turn the TV down before he'll hold you tight in his arms, and drift off to sleep.

BARDOCK -

Being married to Bardock, was like not being married at all. He was like a military man, always off doing something to help defend earth or he was at work. He was a strange man, he was extremely sensitive too, and his intuition was amazing, but it's the only thing that kept saving your marriage. Bardock was a working man, when he wasn't off saving the day, he was working. He was a construction worker, he chose that job because it was like a form of working out. Plus he could spoil you, thus is how he kept saving the marriage.

Living with Bardock however, was lovely yet lonely. He wasn't hard to deal with, he was always willing to help, always willing to attend to your needs and you likewise. He was caring and supportive, and he was easy to talk to..... when he wanted to be. He was all of those things, BUT, only when he wanted to be.

He had his days when he was extra stressed or his Saiyan blood would come out and make him hard to deal with, and these days were quite present so you weren't a stranger to this side of him. But he was a more older male, making him much more mature so it was a 50/50 chance of having a day like this with him.

In the morning, Bardock as always up before you, it was rare when you were awake before him. On days when you were, you'd make some coffee, enough for the both of you. You'd get to finish about one cup before you get started on breakfast, you like wearing his shirts to bed so that's what you'd pretty much be wearing for the whole morning. You'll cook Eggs, bacon, sausages, pancakes, and some toast. By the time when you're almost finished, Bardock would be making his way downstairs. He usually only goes to bed in his grey sweats so he'll be wearing that all morning.

He'll come downstairs and he'll either give you a hug from behind with a sweet kiss on the cheeks, giving you a groggy "Morning" As he inhales your natural scent. Or, he'll give you a firm smack on your ass giving you a lively "Morning sexy." It was a 50/50 shot so you never knew what to expect. But he'll always have a cup of coffee. You'll both usually talk about your plans for the day or you'll talk about the weather or how your week has been so far.

Once done with cooking he'll help you set up the table and then you'll eat. After breakfast, you'll both wash the dishes together then you'll take a long, steamy shower together. After showering, is when you'll either go your separate way with him going outside and you off to your own devices, or you'll spend time together going about your day. Grocery shopping, a date, clothes shopping, or just hanging out on the couch together.

Bardock was pretty domestic, but he was still a Saiyan at heart, so he spent most of his time training or off defending the world. So days, where he was domestic, were rare yet common, it was a strange mix-up, but you learned to get used to it. On days when you did go your separate ways after breakfast, you'll usually stay home and do chores, watch TV, or go grocery shopping.

By the time when it was almost lunch, Bardock would be home unless he was off saving the world or at work. When he was home, you'd be in the middle of ordering food while watching TV, he'll silently walk in, coming towards you, leaning down to give you a welcoming kiss on the lips, before he'll silently go take a shower, sweaty from sparing all morning. You wouldn't always cook a big ass pot of rice because he had a good-paying job. Getting paid $26 per hour, so making a pot of rice wasn't needed but sometimes you'll do it if you were feeling it.

When he was off saving the world or at work, you'll just order enough for yourself, before taking a nap or watching TV. Sometimes you'll just make yourself something to eat. When he was home you'd usually order about 30 pizzas, 20 cheesy garlic bread, and sometimes with some Chinese or a couple of burgers from Whataburger. Depending on what you were both feelings.

After Lunch, you'll both clean the dishes and maybe even clean the house if it needs it. Since it was usually you just home, it wasn't much to clean.

But if he's been home for the week because it was a special holiday or it's been raining, then you'll both do chores. Dusting was always needed along with vacuuming, but laundry wasn't always a constant. So while he's busy vacuuming and dusting, you'll be off washing, drying, hanging, and folding clothes. You usually played music while you did chores, whether he was home or not. He liked old-school rap and R&B, it was rare when he liked music like Lofi, he also took a liking to heavy metal so you'll sometimes play that for him too.

If he finishes his share of the chores, then he'll help you with the laundry, but if his Saiyan blood was pumping, then he'll either blast off to go train some more, or he'll want to come 'help' when in reality he just wants to fuck. After all the chores were done, he'll either blast off to go train or he'll cuddle with you on the bed after an 'eventful' hour. Usually, you took a nap so that's what you did whether he was home or not. If he was home but couldn't sleep, then he'll go watch TV in the front, not wanting to wake you up.

At Dinner, if he was out saving the world, off training, or getting off of work. He'll come home sweaty, ready to eat, take a shower and fuck. The sleep. So that's what he'll do, he'll either take a shower before he eats, if he was too hungry he'll just throw his clothes on the floor somewhere the eat, or he'll just pounce on you, his adrenaline from a battle, training or work still pumping through his blood, forcing you to reheat the cold food.

When he comes home, he always greeted you with a loving kiss and embrace, you hated it when he did that, but you also loved that he was so eager to get home to you. The only time when you didn't have dinner together, was when he was off the planet saving the day, at that point, it could be weeks to months before he came home. But he always greeted you with that passionate kiss and embrace.

After Dinner, if he wasn't too tired, then he'll take a quick but damn good shower, before coming in the front and helping you clean the dishes. If he was too tired, then he'll take a shower and then go straight to bed. You didn't patronize him, understanding that he had a long day unless he was just training then you'll hound him to at least wash half of his own damn dishes.

When it's time to go to sleep, you'll usually either take a long bath or head straight to bed, but it depended on Bardock. If he was too tired and was already passed out, then you'll take a long bath, but if he was already up, then you wouldn't even try, because when he's awake he'll end up crashing your shower, either to keep up hell and bug you about something that you really didn't give a shit about, making you fuss him out. Then your mood will be ruined and you'll be irritated about him or to come fuck. It was rare when it was for a romantic bath instead.

You usually took a long bath in the middle of the day when he was out and about, but it was rare when you wanted to because you had to be there to watch the house, never know when someone would try to break in. You lived in a nice neighborhood, but you couldn't tell with people nowadays.

After your bath, you'll either cuddle up with one another and watch TV or talk about your day and plans for tomorrow until you both fall asleep, or you'll silently crawl into bed with him, gently cuddling up with him, while looking at whatever on your phone before you drift off.

RADITZ -

Being married to Raditz, was bittersweet. He was either the sweetest man on earth, or he was too damn mean and demanding, it was never in between. He was either home all the time, which was fine, or he was never home. Off saving the world, working or just training with his brother.

Living with him was sometimes annoying, especially when he was heading. His hair was kind of like fur, and it would sometimes fall out to accommodate the weather, leaving a big ass mess for you to clean. Mainly when he took a shower, good lord. You'd refuse to clean it, making him have to clean it himself if he wanted a clean shower to use that is. Sometimes he'll try and give you a hard time but a simple threat was always the solver.

"That's okay, we share a bed, and when you lay your big ass pretty head to rest, I'll get the sharpest pair of scissors that I can find and I'll chop all of that shit out of your damn head. Do you wanna lose that main?" You'll threaten, and he'll just huff but he won't talk back and instead stalk off to clean his mess.

Other times he was easy to work with, he was domestic yet he also wasn't, he prefer to be hard to deal with rather than do as you say because of his pride, but he tones it down. In the morning, Raditz was always the first one to be awake before you, since he either had to go to work, had to get up to train, or was already gone saving the day. Either way, he was usually gone, meaning the whole morning was yours, but on his days off and when he wanted to enjoy it, he'll sleep in, allowing you to wake up before him.

You'd wake up, and will immediately take a shower. Due to his hair sometimes randomly shedding heavily, you'd practically rush into the bathroom, and will have a quick shower, trying to hurry up before he woke up. You and Raditz never take showers or baths together, because he likes the play 'Shot Gun' Meaning, whoever got out of the bathroom last, has to clean up HIS mess. You simply refuse.

If he's awake before you, then be prepared to either clean up a load of hair or be surprised to wake up to it being spotless, sometimes he was considerate. When he was home, you'd make a pot of coffee, enough for the both of you. You'll cook a large breakfast, he loves pancakes so there will be lots of those. If he wasn't home then you'll just make yourself whatever.

When he's home, he'll sometime either immediately take a shower so that he can go to work, or he'll come straight downstairs on his days off to come to greet you with a hug, or with a good O'l smack to the ass. He didn't always drink coffee, but he only really did when he had to go to work.

After breakfast, you'll both usually go your separate ways. He'll either be going to work, training, or off to save the world. It was rare when he stayed home with you.

But he always helped with the dishes, but only on his days off, he didn't exactly have time when he had to go to work or go save the day. He'll usually wash all of the dishes on his day off, while you can tend to the laundry and with mopping the floor. Sometimes he'll even clean the whole kitchen, but he didn't always. He'll give you a kiss on the cheek, telling you. "Whelp I'm off to go train, I'll be back in a few hours." He'll say before he'll blast off.

You won't know if the kitchen is all cleaned or not since you'll either be somewhere mopping or doing laundry. You'll want to be mad, but at least he cleaned the shower and the dishes, so it's pretty fair. On days when he wasn't home, you'd laze around the house, call your friends, and go grocery shopping, but you didn't always go grocery shopping because he liked shopping with you and he'll throw a fit if he found out, but he won't whine if he's at work or off saving the day.

If he's home, then you'll both go grocery shopping and probably even clothes shopping, he also loved hair products so expect to be in the hair aisle for a while. But that gave you the excuse to shop for skincare products. Once home you'll both usually cuddle on the couch watching some TV show or a fighting anime or he'll drop you off at home after helping out with putting stuff away before he'll blast off to go train. It was rare when he stayed home the whole day.

At lunch, you'll just simply order a big ass meal, whatever you both agreed on usually, if he wasn't home then you'll just order whatever you wanted.

However, after lunch is when he tends to become hard to deal with. When it's time to clean the dishes, he'll want to get brand new and will try to leave the house to go train. "Uh, where are you going, Raditz?" You'll ask him as you're cleaning off the table. He'll just simply look back at you, giving you a short reply. "Going to train."

You'll cock a brow. "You had all damn day to train, why you wanna go train now? At least help with this big ass mess." You'll say as you gesture to the dishes behind you. He'll 'hmph' at you crossing his arms. "You can do that yourself, you're acting like a few dishes will kill you." He'll fire back. You'll pause, and place your hand on your hip. "I clean this big ass house, with no complaints, I sometimes even clean your thick ass hair out of the shower with no complaints, the least you can do is wash the damn dishes, with no damn complaints."

You'll say in a slow yet angered voice. "Hmph, I did the dishes this morning with no complaint and I even cleaned my own mess in the shower with no complaint. If anything you're acting like a child." He'll argue back. You'll take a deep breath, taking a step back while looking around yourself. "Where me a damn heavy ass object so that I can throw it at your big ass head because you playing with me now. See, see, see you don't know me, I'll beat your monkey lookin' ass-" You'll say under your breath as you'll pick up a rolling pan from a drawer turning around to point it at him, but he'll already be gone.

"Where the hell?" You'll ask as you'll look around in the area he was in before the sound of plates and pots banging in the skin behind you will catch your attention. You'll look back at him before you'll slowly nod your head. "Mmhmm, that's what I thought..." You'll say in a low voice as you'll stick the rolling pan under your arm as you'll walk off to go find something to do.

After all the afternoon chores are done, is when you and Raditz will officially go your own ways for the day until dinner. He had to get a few hours of training whether in the morning or in the afternoon. It was this time that you'll take your chance to watch something on TV, take a nap, or take a long shower. He'll be gone for about 5 to 6 hours, giving you time to yourself. If he hasn't been home all day, then you'll take this time to take a nap or just watch TV.

Dinner is usually when he's home unless he's off the planet. But he'll always be home from 6 - 8, if he's work then around 6:30 to 7:00 and if off saving the world then around 7:30 to 8:00. So you'll usually order dinner by 5:00, by the time when he gets home, you've already eaten and is just watching TV now. He'll come and give you a welcoming kiss before he'll either immediately go eat, take a shower or go straight to bed

Sometimes if his adrenaline was still pumping from an intense battle, then he'll pounce on you like an animal in heat. Meaning he'll be eating around midnight. But most days he'll either drop all his clothes off on the ground before eating or he'll just go take a shower. After he's done showering he'll then eat, but you'll clean the shower and take his clothes to the laundry room, seeing how tired he was. On days when he went straight to be, you'll wrap everything up, saving it for when he'll come up to eat around midnight.

After Dinner, you'll wash the dishes, and he'll try to help if he isn't too tired, before you'll both head on off to bed, if he's already asleep, then you'll quietly get into bed with him. If he's still up then you'll both cuddle before falling asleep.

TURLES -

This one is somewhat based off of another fic that I read before called; "Turles's Triumph" It's a great fic and it takes a deeper look into Turles's personality in a way I never thought to look at it before, and they captured him so well. Give it a read if you'd like, but it's a long fic, about 172 chapters I believe. But it's a great read and it's worth it.

AH, Being married to Turles is like living the dream life. He's a man with elegant tastes, he's a space pirate and he just simply refuses to live on one planet, so he made you pick. "Either you stay here, and be one of my many ladies of the nights, whom I'll only come to visit when I am in need of something from your plant and I'll treat you like a queen as long as I am here. Or, you can come with me and become my permanent queen and I'll take you all over the galaxy, while I shower you with the most lavish of things and only treat you to the fineness of cuisines... The choice is yours."

He was straightforward with his words and with the choice, and he only gave you a few hours to think about it, but eventually you can to a conclusion, so on that same day, you packed all your most valuable things, and just like that you were leaving your home planet, forever. You were saddened by that fact, as you never got to say goodbye, but he reassured you. "Not to worry, My Love, for you will be able to visit your family and friends whenever we circle back around in this solar, until then. we are your new family." He told you, and for some reason, that actually helped you to not be so sad.

Once you agree to go with him and be his forever queen, he'll cut all contact from all of his side hoes, and will make you his main one and only. He'll even propose to you to seal the deal, and allow the wedding on your home planet so that your friends and family could see and attend.

Living with Turles was actually worth the hard choice. He was a beast but he was a gentleman towards you. He was gentle with you, he was patient, protective, and loving toward you. Some days his Sayian ways were stronger than others and they do causes arguments, but you both always made up wink.

It was rare when Turles wasn't on the ship, if he was off handling dangerous business he'll usually leave you on the ship with Diaz or he'll drop you off on a well-trusted planet. If he was planting a tree, then he usually wouldn't tell you shit, he'll wait for when you're still asleep in the morning, or he'll wait until you're too busy taking a bath. You didn't like seeing a planet being drained of life, and it always leads to an argument and he didn't have time for that.

In the mornings, Turles was always awake before you. Being the leader of his space crew, he needed to be in charge and awake before them to keep order. So you'll usually sleep in for another few hours before you wake up. When you do, a pot of coffee is already made, either because Turles made it for you or because Diaz made some for both of you, it was 50/50.

You never had to really cook breakfast, it was rare when you did. You only had to cook breakfast when the ship was so far out in space, 'The Void' as they liked to call it, or 'Dead Zone' was another name they called it, but it depended on what was in the area. If it was nothing but blackness for miles then it was called 'The Void' but if it was full of dead planets or just giant asteroids, they called it the 'Dead Zone' You never realized how scary space can be when it's full of planets with no life. It was eerie. It was like an abandoned town and everyone left everything where they left it.

When you did cook breakfast, Diaz liked to help, he enjoyed cooking breakfast, and he found it relaxing. He was originally the only one who would cook breakfast, but now that you were here he had extra help. Out in space, they didn't have Earthling food, so you got to learn how to cook a new form of breakfast. Diaz would usually finish off with cooking breakfast, as he would tell you to go and freshen up for the day since you immediately came to the kitchen for coffee.

If you didn't have to cook breakfast, then you'd still come down for some coffee but you'd enjoy it with Turles. He despised coffee, he hated the taste and smell of it, but he'd still sit with you until you finished it. You'll both usually talk about the plans for the day, and he'll give you a run down on what the history was of the planet that you lot were landing on and how he came across it. Once you've finished your coffee you'll tease him by trying to kiss him but he'll just keep you away. He loved you, but he couldn't with the coffee smell.

So you'll take a luxurious bath, as he liked spoiling you. He makes sure to always obtain the best of the best for you whenever he landed on a planet. Making you feel like a true queen. Before you left to live in space with him, he used to gift you with these same luxurious products for your skin and hair, clothes, and makeup, but now that you lived with him, this was now a permanent lifestyle and you've learned to love it.

Sometimes he'll even join you, it was rare when he did so early in the morning, but he kept it romantic. After your bath, he'll have you dress like a queen, as he claimed. "I practically rule over these planets, making me some form of a king, therefore as my queen you shall dress and be treated as one." And dress as one you did. After landing on the planet, he'll guide you all off the ship, you'll be holding onto his arm, close to his side, one as his queen and two for his protection. You'll all be immediately introduced to the leader of the planet, and they'll greet you with open but nervous arms.

"Ah!! LORD TURLES!! So - Lovely to see you again. Are you here for business?" The little alien would ask in a nervous fashion. Turles would answer with a smirk. "As a matter of fact, yes we are, for me and my crew are here for a fulfilling breakfast." He'll answer in a confident tone. The alien would arch a brow, but a glare from Turles would make it straighten up. "A-AH!!! YES OF COURSE!!!! Right, this way...Lord Turles." It'll say nervously before it'll walk through the crowds.

Breakfast was as luxurious as ever, it was always a fancy restaurant with some of the finest dinners on this edge of the galaxy. You'll all eat and will get full, you tend to cuddle into Turles's arm enjoying being full on the strange yet tasty food. He'll still be in the middle of eating his large meal. some of Turles's crew were also still eating, as their race also eats in large amounts, but eventually, it'll just be Turles. Even though Turles eats in large quantities, he still ate with such grace it was strange.

After breakfast, the rest of the crew will wonder off to their own devices, while Turles with either bring you with him on his business trip, or he'll entrust your care to one of his crew members. Either way, he'll go off to take care of shit. After that, he'll take you around the shops, allowing you to buy whatever you wanted. Once all that was done, he'll board you all back onto the ship and will leave heading off to the next planet he had in mind.

Once on the ship, you'll immediately run off with all of your newest goodies, Diaz caring all of your heavier items following behind you. You'll place them all in their new place, getting them used to their new home. Then you'll change out of your outfit and will settle for a more relaxed outfit, usually a hoodie and some tights or a large shirt that Turles owned.

There weren't usually any chores on the ship, since Turles's biggest rule was. "If you make a mess, clean it. If you see a mess, clean it." He stuck to that rule like gold. So usually, there was no mess to clean. So you'll either be in your shared room doing your hair and makeup or dressing up in potential outfits. Or you'll be in the front with Turles, cuddling up in his lap as he sits in the front seat steering the ship. Most times you'll hang with your best friend Diaz, talking bout your formal lives and experiences.

At lunch, if you're still in the 'Dead Zone' or 'The Void' which is rare, then it'll be up to you and Diaz to cook a shit load of food, but you'll both have fun doing it, you'll have some music on, and Diaz enjoyed some good R&B and some new school rap too, so you'll both be dancing and singing to the songs. The other crew members will join in and will also from time to time dance and sing with you two. Turles will every now and then come and dance, especially when you'll be twerking and breaking it down.

If you weren't in the 'Dead Zone' or 'The Void', then you'll once more be dressed like a queen but in a different color, it'll be a different planet but with the same routine. The nervous ruler will approach you all, asking Turles if he was here for business and Turles would confirm that along with the fact that he was here for lunch as well. This restaurant was much more luxurious than the last one, on the walls, there were fishes swimming in the crystal blue waters and under your feet was a coral reef, the colors were so strong and luscious, you could stare at it for hours.

"Oh Turles, this place is beautiful." You say in a voice of wonderment as you'll hold onto his arm. He'll chuckle, as he'll tighten his hold on you. "Yes, I figured that you'll love this place, My Love. For I was fortunate enough to have business upon this planet." He'll say in a pleased voice. The lunch was just as luscious as breakfast was, and Turles is the last to finish his meal. Much like the first planet, Turles will either bring you with him or he'll leave you with his crew, then like usual, once he's done and has regrouped with you and the rest, he'll let you shop till your heart's content.

After Lunch, you'll redo the process of putting your newly acquainted items in your room, and then you'll usually lay down for a nap, hang out with Diaz or cuddle some more with Turles on the ship somewhere. However, a nap was more common at this time of day since Turles would tend to 'whoop his men into shape' as he liked to call it, or basically train.

At dinner, if you were still in the 'Dead Zone' or in 'The Void' then once more it'll be up to you and Diaz to make a big ass dinner, and much like lunch, you'll be playing music once more, but this time it'll be either Lofi or Jazz, getting everyone ready for bed, because as soon as dinner was over it was usually straight to bed, it was rare when it'll turn into a game night.

If you weren't in the 'Dead Zone' or 'The Void' then you'll once more be making a stop on another planet, and once more will the food be just as luscious as before. You'll once again be dressed like a queen and will be holding onto his arm. The same routine will happen once more, the ruler of the planet will nervously approach Turles and will ask him what his business was here, and Turles will give his answer. This restaurant was encased in rubies and gold, it was a beautiful mixture and the rubies seemed to shine like diamonds. "These rubies are so beautiful, just imagine if I had some jewelry with rubies."

You'll say with wondering eyes. Turles will turn towards you, a brow arched and an ever-handsome smile upon his face. "I'll be sure to obtain some of the ever-gorgeous rubies for my lovely queen." He'll say as he'll gently kisses your hand. Once more, Turles is the last one to finish his meal, and he'll once more either bring you with him or will leave you with the group. Once he's done with his business, he'll rejoin you and he'll gift you with a velvet jewelry box. Your eyes will sparkle with life once you see what's inside, there'll be ruby stones imbedded into silver earrings, a bracelet, and a necklace. "Oh Turles, boy you sure know how to hook me up." You'll squeal as you'll close the box and ill bounce around happily.

Once you've done your usual shopping trip you'll all get upon the ship and will blast off the planet.

After Dinner you'll take a long relaxing and luxurious bath, usually Turles will join you, he'll usually allow you to take a bath alone the first time, then he'll make new water and will join you in the second bath. Having an argument with him was extremely rare, so the love was rather prosperous between you both. Once the bath is over you'll both either join the crew in the front and will enjoy some family time or you'll both go straight to bed. Cuddled into one another's arms.

BLACK -

Just like Turles, I was also inspired to write his character in a slightly different light, due to this Fic "Thin Line" showing a deep form of Black's psyche if he were to fall in love with a human, and how he'll begin to have internal conflicts with himself both mentally and physically. I don't remember this fic being that long, but if I had to guess, I'll say around 30 to 40 chapters long. It may seem long, but it's worth it.

Being married to a Black is a very tough yet enduring thing. He's a mass murderer and he's a psychopath, at times he can be very hard to read, with his intense stares that he'll give you, his gaze deep and dark yet calculating and intelligent. When you first met Black he was known as a terrorizer, a destroyer, and a murderer. He was going to destroy you, but the way you approached him made him stop.

Because to you, he was just a normal guy, a man who was wandering the streets of your neighborhood, checking out the scenery. He was cute, and you liked what you have seen, so you approached him. You spoke to him like he was any other man, and you even offered to give him a tour of the place. He was perplexed by you, he wanted to push you off and call you a 'Filthy mortal', he wanted to end you and this entire neighborhood.

But the way you treated him, the way you spoke to him, made him want to see where this new .... 'Friendship' would go. So he came back, every day, at the same time. He would pay you a visit, coming through with gifts and with sometimes coming by to ask you for a date. Eventually, he even started living with you, due to having one night of passion that led to him spending the night and the entire day. You became a form of a 'stress reliever' that he would take on dates, before eventually just becoming your boyfriend and soon husband.

Living with Black was like a whirlpool, one moment he's fun and he's enjoying the 'Mortal Life' and the next he's distant and deep in thought, keeping to himself and snapping anytime you get too close to him. But he's always calm and collected, he loves extravagant things and he always treats you to the most luxurious of things. He wants to continue his 'Zero Mortal Plan' but with you in the picture, it's gonna be kind of hard to do that.

He'll eventually become too entranced with you to want to continue his plan, too busy spoiling you, loving you, and just learning to be 'Mortal'. But some days he'll be too busy compilating his ideals and wanting a 'New World Order.' But he'll want to live a domestic life with you, he'll want to be your husband, he'll want to be your lover, thus forcing him to drop his plan altogether.

In the morning he'll always be awake before you. It'll be rare when he'll sleep in, extremely rare. He isn't much of an eater, which was strange to you, but you learned to accept it. Usually, he'll have coffee and breakfast already made for you. He'll either come to wake you up, or he'll just wait for you, patiently drinking his coffee.

If he comes to wake you up, it was either breakfast in bed, coffee in bed, or just kisses. If he waits for you then he'll already be halfway done with his second cup, and he'll have your breakfast done and in the microwave waiting for you. You almost always took a shower by yourself in the morning, but it was rare when he took one with you.

If he sleeps in, then those are the days where you'll take a shower together, or you'll bring him coffee in bed. He doesn't always eat breakfast, but when he does he could put away some food if he wanted. His apatite was a mystery in itself. Some days he could eat for a whole army, other days he'll eat the amount of a newborn, some days he'll eat a regular amount and sometimes he doesn't eat at all. In fact, he could go weeks without eating and still be normal.

For breakfast you'll both usually talk about your plans for the day or just the weather, somedays you'll even get a sweet treat of him telling you about his home, which was in the realm of the Kais, you didn't exactly know what a kai was, just that they created things and they watched over their respected universes, and you loved hearing him speak about his time as a kai. It was different.

After breakfast, you'll both begin your day together, going grocery shopping, going clothes shopping, doing what little chores you both had, which wasn't much, Black was a clean man, and he didn't make much of a mess, in fact, it was you who was the messy one. You made the most laundry, the most dishes, and the most messes, so it was usually all of your things that you were both cleanings. Unless it was just dust to vacuum or to dust off the walls and whip down the windows. It was an interesting yet eye-opening lifestyle. Somedays you'll both even cuddle on the couch for hours, either in silence or watching TV.

When you did turn on music, he practically forbid any form of rap, rock, and some R&B songs. But he didn't mind Jazz, Blues, and Lo-fi, and he highly accepted classical. The only time you could enjoy Rap, Rock, and other R&B songs, was when he was out and about with his life. He never really explained what he was off doing, but he would always say. "Let's just say, I'm off to...exterminate." He'll say in a menacing tone, you'd want him to explain, but then you feel that if he did, that the way life is it wouldn't be the same. So if it isn't broken, don't try and fix it.

Besides, you were living the life of a rich bitch, and you weren't going to risk losing that, so fuck it.

At lunch, you wouldn't have to cook at all, since you had a free meal coming to your door. You weren't sure how Black got it to be set up like this, but you weren't complaining. All you had to do was call whatever restaurant you wanted food from, and they'll be at your door with a free meal. Since Black practically never ate, all you had to do was get enough for yourself.

Somedays he'll take you out to eat at a fancy restaurant, and he'll make sure that you were treated like a queen. However you didn't like it when he would mistreat people, so you'll fuss him out, telling him. "Be nice, Black. There's no need to treat others like that, you don't like being treated like that, so don't do it to others." He'll roll his eyes, but he'll do as you say, by being, slightly nicer. It wasn't exactly nice, but it'll work.

After Lunch, he usually tends to either be home or still out and about. It's never in between. If he's home, then he'll be either taking a nap, or he'll be drinking tea with his friend Zamasu. If he was out and about, then he'll stay gone till Dinner. Leaving you to your own devices for a few hours, you'll usually go and visit friends and family, take a nap, and watch TV. Honestly whatever you could get lost in.

When Black was home and if he brought his friend Zamasu over, you tend to keep your distance from them. When you first met Zamasu, you immediately felt uncomfortable. He was scary, he was intense and he always gave you a deadly glare, when he first met you, the first thing he literally said was. "So this, is the pet you've been entranced by? Hmmm, she's just another filthy mortal. And the fact that you haven't eradicated this part of the world yet must mean that you've grown quite attached, Black." He said with a nasty glare, and he glanced around the neighborhood.

Black glared at him. "Silence, for you know nothing, you should feel speshed, that I'm even allowing you to meet her, Zamasu." He'll fire back at him, they'll glare at one another, a tense air will fill the area, and you could practically feel the killer's intent coming off of them, so you tipped back into the house, going to find some kind of refresher for them to tune down with. You eventually thought of his favorite beverage, tea. So that's what you offered, and it seemed to work.

Honestly, that was your first and last interaction with Zamasu, after that you avoid him like the plague. Plus Black made you stay inside when zamasu was around. He'd refuse to let you come out for no reason. He'll make the tea himself, and he'll warn you to not come out, no matter what. And you'd gladly listen too.

They'd stay out there for about 4 to 5 hours, sometimes even less. You'd never ask questions, but you'll ask. "Did you have a good talk?" You'll ask with innocent curiosity, he'll be filling up the now empty tea cups with water, getting ready to wash them. "It was a successful talk, we got to our points and we found an even playing field." He'll respond in an even tone. And you'll accept that.

If he took a nap, you'll usually either take one with him or will just quietly watch TV downstairs. If you took a nap with him, then you'll usually massage his scalp, he liked laying on your chest, listening to your heartbeat, he said. "Heartbeats, aren't common where I come from, for they aren't necessary for my kind." He'll say in a somber voice. You'll hum in acknowledgment, gently combing your fingers through his hair.

"Kais don't have heartbeats? Why?" You'll ask, not having a heartbeat means it was dead, so would that mean that kais are dead? You couldn't wrap your mind around it. "Us kais don't need hearts to live, for we are created to make things, we are created to watch over the mortals and to hope that they can continue on with their gifts of a form of creation, but instead all they do is take and destroy." He'll say, his tone dropping in anger as he'll hold you slightly tighter. "But not you, not you (Y/N). You're different from all those, other mortals. You're special." He'll say in a soft voice, as he'll nuzzle closer to your chest, almost like he was trying to merge with you.

You wouldn't know what to say to that, so you'll continue messaging his scalp, thinking about what he said. "Did you ever create anything?" You'll innocently ask him. He'll lay there for a moment, silently embracing you, you'll think he fell asleep, but then he'll speak up in a small and slightly sadden almost regretful tone. "No. I never did, and now I never will."

At dinner, he'll usually take you out to eat, but someday you'll want to stay home and order free takeout. If he takes you out, then you'll eat at only the finest of restaurants, but if you wanted to stay home, then he'll order only the finest of the foods, but sometimes he'll let you have pizza. Most fancy restaurants don't do take-outs, but for Black, they'll jump at his every beck and call, with a nervous chuckle and they'll be there in a flash.

After dinner, he likes to have a bath with you, it was a ritual at this point. But some days, when he was deep in his feelings, he'll be off to himself, snapping at you if you tried to approach him. His mood swings have calmed down over the course of your relationship, but every now and then he'll have one.

Once it's time to go to bed, Black wouldn't always be in the bed with you, some nights he likes to stay downstairs and sit in the dark, you hated it when he did that because it was his way of pulling back and receding back into his dark thoughts. It was so dark and deep, that you feel overwhelmed whenever you come down to get him. He wasn't exactly himself when he was like that, so you learned to leave him be.

But some nights you'll be able to gently coax him into coming to bed, it was hard, but it was worth it unless you wanted him to be like that for the next week. On nights when he'd come to bed with you, he'll cuddle with you, and will tell you stories of his life as a kai, he always sounded distant and saddened but also hateful and vengeful, you could tell there was some dark history there, but you wouldn't try to bring it up.

You didn't know much about Black, in fact, you knew almost nothing, and you feel that it was best to keep it that way if you wanted to continue being his dream of what could've been. "The only thing, he could create."

BROLY -

Being married to Broly was enduring yet tiresome. He was the sweetest man and he was so adorable, but he was far too innocent till it kills you at times. But he was gentle, he was sweet, he was adorable, he was caring, he was considerate, he was all the positive things.

Living with Broly was like having a child who was learning everything. He was always asking questions and he was already ready to learn new things that didn't involve fighting or violence. He was always home and he barely left home.

Broly always tried to help, but dishes weren't his best and so wasn't laundry, so he'd usually stick to vacuuming and with enough focus, he could wipe down windows. Broly loves animals so much, he wants a dog, but you feel that he wouldn't be responsible, but he'll plead and beg, so you'll cave and you'll get him a puppy.

In the morning, you were always awake before Broly, he was never awake before you. You'd let him sleep, allowing you to make some breakfast and some coffee, but since Broly ate so damn much, you'll have to cook a shit load. by the time you're done with cooking breakfast, He'll be stumbling downstairs, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he'll come towards you. His little friend bounced down the stairs behind him happily. He'll stop at the door and he'll let the little one outdoors to use the bathroom, once it was done it'll happily come back inside and he'll close the door.

He usually likes to lean his chin on top of your head or he'll sit at the table. "Did you sleep well, Broly?" You'll ask him in a soft tone. "Mmhmm, I was warm." He'll mumble. You'll just lightly chuckle at his words, but you'll agree. "Yeah, the bed is warm huh?" You'll chuckle as you'll speak while setting the table. "Uh-huh, I wanna go back now." He'll gently respond, you'll just chuckle and give him a sweet kiss on the cheek. Before you eat, you have to feed the puppy, so you'll give it a small little scoop, and a sweet little pat on the head.

After breakfast, you'll both wash the dishes, well more like he'll pass you the dishes, and then put them all away while you clean the table and counters. You usually take a shower with him, because even though he understood how a shower work, he still didn't always properly do it, so you'll wash his hair and help him shower, he'll do most of the work, but you'll help with his hair. Once your shower was done, you'll pretty much either laze about all morning or take care of daily tasks.

Grocery shopping, perhaps clothes shopping (which was rare), and chores. You weren't too messy, but Broly was. He wouldn't do it on purpose, but sometimes he'll drop stuff, or he'll accidentally spill something, he didn't like wearing shirts so he'll always peel them off and throw them on the floor. Sometimes he likes to have snacks, but he'll always leave crumbs behind. Other times it was the puppy making the messes, either it'll use the bathroom on the floor, or it'll accidentally spill its water bowl, or it may be trying to drag around its large bed and will accidentally knock something over.

But other than that, he was sweet and was always willing to help. If you had nothing to do for the day, you'll both do one of his favorite things, sleep. He loved sleeping, and you wouldn't complain. Your furry little companion would even join you both.

At lunch you'll either cook or order takeout, it really just depended on your energy and your budget. He'll help you set up the table or he'll help with cooking. Usually, he'll just pass you the ingredients, standing around like a child waiting for instructions. You'll find it cute but you wouldn't stop him.

After lunch, he likes to go to the dog park, petting all of the animals that come towards him for attention. He was a gentle giant, and some of the local dogs learned to love him, coming towards him for head pats, catches, and cuddles. Some other animals in the area would come towards him as well.

You'd sometimes join him in petting the animals, enjoying their furry hugs, and other times you'll sit on the bench and watch him from afar. Making friends with some of the pet moms in the area. Most times you'll be walking the puppy, getting it acquainted with the other dogs, and sometimes the other pet parents would let Broly walk all of their dogs.

It was a comical sight, seeing Broly holding 10 leashes in each hand, his little puppy on his head while he'll happily run with the dogs, his stamina never really running out. After a trip towards the dog park, you'd both come home and watch TV or take a famous 'Broly Nap'.

At dinner, you'd order Pizza and cook a big ass pot of rice or two. He loved Pizza and so did you, so it was a win-win. He'd try to help with the Rice, but there wasn't much to do so he'll either watch you cook it, or he'll sit in the front waiting for the pizza man while playing with his little puppy, sometimes they'll knock something over, making you call out. "BROLY? WHAT WAS THAT?" You'll ask in a motherly tone. He'll quietly peak around the corner, his little companion sitting upon his head. "Nothing." He'll answer in a nervous yet guilty tone. You'll do nothing but sigh, yet you'll smile at him tenderly.

After Dinner, he'll help you clean the giant pots, and clean the house for the night, it was rare when you'd even have sex with him, due to him not really having a sexual drive. So when you did, you'd get to experience and will enjoy his 'Wild Side'. but other than that, you'd just enjoy his presence as you'll watch TV.

At night, you'll both cuddle in the bed, and Broly will always fall asleep before you, cuddled into your chest, he didn't have a mother growing up, so you were the first thing he ever had closest to one. He loved falling asleep to the sound of your heartbeat, calming his nerves. Your little puppy cuddled up in between you both.

MASTER LIST

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

the thing about rachel animorphs being terribly characterized in all her ghostwritten books but one (and even that one is like. it's not amazing rachel narration but it DOES have the most romantic plot of all time so i forgive it*) to a degree that none of the other characters are plagued by is that to me it feels very revealing about us as a Culture bc it's like. the thing about rachel is that she is a hot blonde who kicks ass. and she's also a complex individual with many sides to her, including (i think if you read her non ghost written books and even just the slice of her narration we get before she dies in the last book this really jumps out undeniably) an extremely real and tender strain of sweetness. and this comes out in some of her scenes in books narrated by other characters. but in her own books, where she's narrating, it's like, they simply cannot understand the assignment, when the assignment is "hot kickass blonde but make her also a real person." it's like that old toast essay about getting insanely obsessed with ophelia because the alternative was admitting that a man needs to be as talented as shakespeare to write a sad girl who's also a human being except it's you have to be as good as k. a. applegate (the shakespeare of monthly mass market paperback children series) to write a girl who is hot and awesome and a human being.

*the most romantic plot of all time is that they have to acquire a beached sperm whale to go down under the water and attempt to subdue a giant squid so that the whole squad can acquire it so they can go deal with the problem on the ancient submerged spacecraft that's fucking up their allies the chee (androids created by the now extinct race of aliens who invented dogs). anyway so rachel hates water because she hates things she can't control and her coping mechanism for dealing with fear is walking into it head on so she wants to be one of the whales precisely because of how badly she doesn't want to be one of the whales (overall her characterization in this book i do think is solid, just the Tone is not quite 100% in her voice IMO), so when they're drawing straws she makes eyes at tobias to use his hawk vision to tell her what's the short straw, and he's like "no i am not going to help you drown yourself on purpose" and she makes eyes at him harder and then he's like "ugh fine" and tells her, and then he draws the other short straw on purpose even though he hates water more than anything but not for rachel control freak reasons, it's because he's a bird and the containment of water freaks him the hell out and also when he demorphs out in the ocean it's not into a shape that can, like, doggie paddle. which first of all is soooo funny and also good rachel characterization because rachel is like constitutionally incapable of thinking ahead for 5 seconds to "obviously the boy who loves me who would love me anyway but for whom i am like literally his primary tie to humanity because he lives as a red tailed hawk and spends his days perched in his trees hunting small mammals is going to insist on coming with me on the scary underwater squid mission just like every other time i have done anything ever" and also because jake gets super fucking mad at her about it which is like getting mad at a fish for swimming. but then the best part is they're down there and both spooked to hell about it because the deep sea is crazy scary and because, again, THEY BOTH HATE THIS CONCEPT SO BAD and are only here because of rachel's psychological problems and true love. and while trying to get their minds off the skin-crawling nightmare of it rachel lets it slip that some dude asked her out and they have this AMAAAZING back and forth where they're both being incredibly snotty because of how they are totally in love and also little babies who have just barely started acknowledging this to themselves much less each other which means that even though they can go on a terrifying deep sea adventure alien war side quest date they are still insanely awkward about like-liking each other. tobias learns the guy's name is T. T. and asks if that stands for total trauma and rachel's like idk what it stands for and he's like well you should find out his name if you're going out with him and rachel's like well i'm not and tobias is like oh. and then they find a squid. it's incredible. then at the end of the book T. T. comes around while rachel's at gymnastics and flirts with her again and rachel basically tells him to fuck off and he calls her "a name i've been called before" because swearing between the lines was an important part of animorphs and then tobias who is watching this whole thing from the sky is like "hey he was cute. and i heard what he called you. cute AND perceptive" and rachel's like "oh shut up (affectionate)" and they go have a flying date together. like literally when will your faves. they ARE the blueprint. sometimes i feel insane for as an adult still finding something genuinely romantic in a pairing from a 90s monthly mass market series for children, but like what other kidlit saga has ever included a tragic dreamboat boyfriend affectionately teasing his girlfriend about what a total bitch she is in a way that genuinely works as a cute thing to do because she and we both know that he literally loves her partly BECAUSE she has no problem being an asshole to people who deserve it and also is so good at killing people? like hello!!!!!!!!!

[wheels-of-despair]

A Very Important Date Pairing: Eddie Munson x You Summary: Evil Woman doesn't want to make a big deal out of her birthday. However, she's dating Eddie Munson, sooo… Contains: Smoking, Disney references, implied drug use, Eddie being a perfect nerd, and a typical annoying boy, birthday shenanigans, no projection whatsoever. Words: 1.3k

"What do you wanna do for your birthday?"

"You," you smirk, ending your staring contest with the cat lurking under Eddie's van to look for his reaction. You're on the couch on his porch together, enjoying the cool evening breeze. Your legs are draped across his lap.

"I mean, obviously," he puffs out his chest smugly, playing with the frayed knee of your jeans while he smokes. "But what else?"

You shrug. Eddie sighs.

"I'm not big on birthdays."

"Why not?"

You shrug again, and reach for his cigarette. He lets you take it, then crosses his arms and looks at you expectantly. You stall with a deep drag.

"My dad used to insist on parties," you exhale. "So he could show everyone what a great parent he was. While I was sitting off to the side, watching the clock, waiting for it to be over so everybody would go away and leave me the hell alone."

"That's fucked up," he observes, after a beat.

You shrug for a third time, take another drag, and pass the cancer stick back to him.

"I just wanna hang out with you. We don't even have to do anything. We can sit here and watch shitty horror movies."

"We do that every weekend," he says with a furrowed brow.

"And I love it," you assure him.

"What if I thought of something awesome?"

"If you're there, I'm up for anything." Damn that pretty pout of his.

He grins like The Grinch, and you feel your stomach sink. Oh god, what did you just agree to?

Three days before your birthday, you were lying on your bed and reading a magazine when Eddie walked in and dangled an envelope in front of your face. You reached for it, and he jerked it away. This little game repeated three times, until you gave him a light kick, and he finally dropped it. On your face. What a gentleman.

"Do I open this now, or…?" You scooch over to make room for the pain in your ass.

"Now." He flops on his back at the foot of your bed.

"Yes, dear," you deadpan as you open it and slide out… a list. "What's this?"

"Things you need to pack for this weekend." He laces his fingers behind his head, looking pleased with himself.

"Pajamas, toothbrush, swimsuit, hat… band-aids… a paperclip… a flashlight… a loaf of bread?! Eddie, what the hell is this?"

"I told you," he grins. "Things you need to pack."

"But--"

"Trust me, dammit!" he snaps.

"FINE!" you counter. You give his side a playful nudge with your foot, and he squawks.

"Oh, I'm sorry, was that your ticklish spot?"

"No!"

"Then you won't mind if I just…" You extend your foot toward him again, and he captures it.

"Behave, or you won't get the best birthday weekend ever."

"Weekend?"

"Wayne's going on a fishing trip with one of his buddies, so we've got the castle to ourselves until Sunday evening."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really." He lets your foot go, and crawls up to lie on his side next to you. "It's been cleared with the authorities. You're mine, woman."

"And I have no say in this?" you ask, turning your head toward him.

He clutches his heart in mock hurt, pokes out his bottom lip, and activates The Puppy Eyes. "You don't want to be with me? On your most special day? After all this planning I've done?"

You roll your eyes, then lie back on your pillow and close them. Before you know what hit you, you've got a giant nerd on top of you. "I asked you a questionnn." He drags out the last word as his hands glide down your arms… and grab your wrists. He pulls them above your head and holds them there, smirking above you. "Well?"

"What was the question?"

"Doesn't matter, I'm kidnapping you anyway." He nips at your neck playfully, and you squirm and laugh. And that was that.

On Friday after Hellfire, Eddie brought you home with him.

"Stay," he ordered with a point of his finger, before he'd even removed the keys from the ignition. You responded with a mock salute. He grabbed his keys and your bag and hopped out of the van, leaving you there while he scampered inside. You could see his shadow running around in the living room. It was quite entertaining, but the suspense was killing you.

Finally, he came back out to the van and opened your door.

"Oh, am I allowed to get out now?" you tease as you slide from the seat to the ground.

"Careful, girl, or we'll get started on that birthday spanking early."

"Feelin' brave tonight, boy?" You take a playful leap at him, and he jumps back with a yelp. And then he glares, because he fell for it. Dummy.

Quick as a flash, he bends down and hauls you over his shoulder. You squeak in surprise, and again when his hand comes down on your ass. He cackles and carries you inside, dumping you on the couch.

You stand and turn in a circle and take in the strange decorations he'd littered the living room with.

Construction paper flowers. Some of his favorite mugs on the table instead of hanging on the wall. A single yellow balloon tied to a lamp. Playing cards all over the floor… wait, were those decorations, or did he knock them over while he was trying to set up whatever this was?

He rocks on the balls of his feet while he watches you take it all in. Finally, you turn to him and ask: "What the hell?"

"Evil Woman in Wonderland. Duh."

And then you get it.

The flowers that were mean to Alice. The mugs instead of a tea set. The cards that were, in fact, a decoration and not an accident.

You laugh and walk to him, circling your arms around his middle in a hug. "I love it."

"This isn't it."

"It's not?"

"Nope," he grins. He must be playing the role of the Cheshire Cat. He takes you by the shoulders and points out the things you missed; like the loaf of bread you brought, as instructed, which he's taped construction paper wings to. "Bread and butterflies!" The yellow balloon tied to the lamp? "The sun is like a toy balloon." He's put googly eyes on the broom, and the other lamp, and several things in the kitchen, for good measure. He opens a Tupperware container full of cupcakes, which say things like "Eat Me" and "Happy B-Day" in brightly colored icing. ("Your mom helped," he informs you.)

When he's shown you all of his brilliant, creative ideas that you will never, ever be able to top, you turn to him in awe.

"Eddie, this is fucking incredible."

"Still not it."

"Seriously?! How is this not it?!"

Eddie reaches for his favorite stash box, which is hidden among the mugs on the coffee table. He gets down on one knee and takes a deep breath. Oh god, oh god, oh god.

"My Evilest Woman. Love of my life. My one and only." He slowly opens the lid, and you try to remember how to breathe.

"Will you ingest these illegal substances with me and watch Alice in Wonderland?" He shows you the contents of his stash box, and you burst out laughing.

"Is that a yes?"

"Absolutely, it is."

He snaps the box closed, stands up, and grins his Cheshire Cat grin again. You step closer and wrap your arms around his neck, dragging him down for a long kiss.

"Wait," you say, pulling back to look up at him in confusion. "What were the other things for? Flashlight? Paperclip?"

"Nothing," he laughs. "Just trying to keep you guessing."

"Well played, Munson," you admire, coming in for another kiss.

"Alright, you can jump my bones later, you horndog," he smirks, pulling away. "Let's get fucked up and go to Wonderland. It's already in the VCR."

"You are officially my favorite person in the entire fucking world."

"Tell me somethin' I don't know." God, you love him.

[charlottan]

so i have a song rec that comes with a little bit of backstory: The Ballad of Trashius the Bold by the Fabulous Sea Panthers

this song is by my high school latin teacher and his band about his, at the time, pet goldfish. heres the story he told us about how he acquired said goldfish (warning for animal cruelty): he was at a pet store with a friend looking at the goldfish when one jumped out of the tank onto the ground. they alerted a woman on the staff who picked up the fish and threw it in the trash. my latin teacher and his friend were like wtf no we'll take the fish don't do that. and the woman was like ok you still have to pay for it. so he took the fish and named it Trashius.

so that's how we got a latin class mascot! he lived for a pretty long time also (sadly he passed away after i graduated).

The Ballad of Trashius the Bold takes inspiration from Trashius' life. my latin teacher used to play it for us in class and ad lib certain parts. it has a lot of good memories for me and i love sharing this song with people bc it's funny and awesome and i love sharing the story of Trashius! and it's on spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/track/7zd4orywGqA66QLYNXB9fz?si=zM-IB6MwT_KMcDK2YubXJg

anyway sorry for the long ass message hope you like the song :)

THIS IS INCREDIBLE OMG i was legitimately hooked the entire seven minutes. totally they might be giants. what a wonderful song. what a wonderful story. thank you so much for sharing omg