#I mean yes she erased their culture

[lieutenant-amuel]

It feels like people really forget sometimes that Shuriki has been ruling for 41 years, there are two generations that have grown up under her and have no idea what life looked like before she came

[florbelles]

finished hera & started lady macbeth and we have got to start blaming women for shit again for real

[foldingfittedsheets]

Through sheer happenstance my beloved and I both speak German. They’re significantly more fluent than me, having done a year abroad and double majoring in it. But both of us have stories passed down to us of the hilarious cultural misunderstandings present in learning a new language.

One of my German teachers had also spent a year abroad. He had a good grasp of the language but not the nuance. So when he’d closed on his first apartment and his lady got him a good deal he said, “Oh mein Gott, ich liebe dich!” (“Oh my god, I love you!”)

Now in English I love you is a multi-use term applied to friends, family, and for emphasis that you’re very happy, like someone just got you your first apartment.

In German however that phrasing is very specifically romantic. Not even casually romantic, it’s Serious Love. Parents tell their kids “Ich habe dich gern” or “Ich habe dich lieb” (literally “I have you gladly” or “I have love for you”) rather than “Ich liebe dich.” (This is as it was explained to me, don’t @ me it was public school)

So this woman was horrified and creeped out that this strange man, who she was alone in a room with, had pulled the cultural equivalent of declaring his undying love for her and asking her to have his babies.

He was equally horrified to have made such a faux pas when he realized how upset she was and profusely apologized. She understood better when he explained he was American.

A silly bonus story was that in that class we pranked one of the girls into thinking “Baum” was slang for cool. It just means tree. She’d be like “Das ist so Baum!” (“That is so tree!”) It went on for a few months before the teacher corrected her.

The next story is one of my favorites. My beloved heard from her teacher of a woman who had hosted a German exchange student for a while. At one point the girl came up to the her host mom to ask, “Where can we go buy a rubber? My sister collects them.”

“A rubber? She collects them??”

“Yes, can we buy her one?”

The woman was shocked that her exchange student was asking for a condom. But, she told herself, cultural norms were different, and she knew that German teenagers were given more sexual freedom. So, trepidatious but determined, she drove the girl to a local sex shop.

The girl, in turn, was horrified when they arrived. Most German student learn British English instead of American English and they call erasers rubbers.

The translation error made her host mom think she was asking for condoms when she just wanted a cute eraser and they both ended up embarrassed, surrounded by dildos.

[demilypyro]

Okay since this doesn't seem to want to go away here's me addressing every single "allegation" that I've heard about. I hope to have at least given a good explanation where the horrible things being said about me came from, and why I consider them either just totally not true or badly misconstrued. Some of my friends have recommended I don't say anything at all, but I've always preferred openness and honesty, so I hope that's appreciated.

I understand that some people will still dislike me even though the things being said about me are not true. That's fine. I don't need everyone to like me, but it's when I'm being consistently harassed and lied about that it interferes with my mental health and ability to work. So I'm gonna try and end things with this.

"She's racist"

From what I can tell this is about one time when I said I keep my interest in anime to myself around new people. I do this because showing you're a Huge Fucking Nerd right off the bat can make a bad impression. I could have said the same thing about Star Trek or comic books, I just happened to be talking about anime in that moment. Someone seems to have misconstrued this as me finding Japanese culture something shameful and lesser than other cultures?... Which I would call a total willful misinterpretation. The rest of this seems to stem just from being Dutch, because the Netherlands is a country that has a problem with xenophobia. This is true, but uhhh I'm mixed myself so I'm pretty well aware of that, and I obviously don't support our infamous "blackface holiday." Just because I live here doesn't mean I agree with everything this country does, be that historically or in the modern day.

"She's friends with racists/misogynists/transphobes"

The only thing I can guess this is about is when I was mutuals with a user called porko-rosso at least 5 years ago and didn't really believe it when people told me they were a bigot. I haven't interacted with this user in over 4 years but people still claim we're like best friends, which was never true in the first place, we just knew a lot of the same people. Most of the resentment from the people who repeatedly spread these rumours about me seems to have started here. So for the record: no, I am not friends with any racists, misogynists or transphobes.

"She thinks she's better than other trans women because she passes better"

This is just not true. This idea seems to pop up just whenever I post about enjoying the benefits of HRT or surgery, but most recently this was misconstrued from a post where I said being trans is about being yourself as much as possible. Since this was in response to someone saying that me trying to pass is "erasing my identity", people thought I meant trying to pass is the same as being good at being trans, which was not what I meant, but some people didn't seem to want to believe me when I clarified. My apologies for the misunderstanding I guess, but that's all it was. So no, I do not hate people who don't pass as well as I do, nor do I think all trans people should be transitioning medically, and I resent the implication.

"She has a secret discord server where she makes fun of pictures of other trans women and calls them slurs"

I had absolutely no clue what this was about when I first heard it. I was sent screenshots that supposedly prove this but all they show is me being rude about someone's appearance one time in january of 2022. I actually thought these were faked because I don't remember this happening and the things said confused me, but one of my friends says she found it was in her server, where she had showed a picture of someone and asked everyone present (mostly other trans women) if they were hot. Apparently I did not think they were hot. So yes, I did insult someone's appearance back in january 2022, but it was an isolated incident. Frankly even I find my remarks in these screenshots distasteful, I don't know what I was on when I wrote that stuff. I'm sorry to that person specifically. What I said has weighed heavily on me and I apologize for it. It's not something I approve of, and don't intend to repeat that mistake. Still, to say it means I hate trans women and I love to make fun of them in my secret discord server and call them slurs is just... a super-villain level of exaggeration. I didn't even know about the word that was named as an example. It's not true.

"She's often rude"

I can't deny this one. Autism gonna autism. I've seen many therapists, doctors, experts, what have you, to try and help me with this, but it seems my particular brand of autistic in combination with the cultural differences between mine and other countries just really often ends with my foot in my mouth when I speak English. I apologize! I have never meant to personally offend anyone. It just keeps happening and I can't stop it from happening.

If after reading all this, you still consider me bad enough to hate my guts, I can't stop you, but I wanted to have at least had my say. I swear that everything in this post is the honest truth as I understand it, and that I've never acted with purposeful malicious intent.

[thatdeadaquarius]

PART 2 - Genshin Impact SAGAU / Isekai: Gifts to Give Your Allogene!

ELEMENTS HERE: Dendro, Hydro, Cryo, Geo

Part 1 / Part 2 (you're here!)

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Sun: Gender Neutral Reader (they/them only)

Planet: General SAGAU / Isekai Stuff, Platonic Cuteness

Orbit: Headcanons-ish, a couple sentences for each

Stars: a little bit of everybody as of Baizhu/Kaveh update! including rare beloveds like Aloy! (I hope I got them all… at least the playable ones… ) Please understand that some characters are more “foreground” characters and have more screen time so I may have written some more for them because I knew them better!

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: weapons for gifts?? 16+ Older Teen Audiences Advised, light cussing

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& Trigger Warnings: None Known.

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Edit 1/1/24: Hey I expanded on this in my Eldritch Fanfic Post Part 2, but I just wanted to vet the old posts and say I did do a form of exoticism by including the word "Huangdi" throughout this.

I've since replaced it for better readability with "Emperor" but I didn't want to erase my mistake like it never happened. I'm genuinely sorry about this, I never had ill intentions by including it, but regadless of intentions that's the impact of my actions. I'm absolutely going to be looking out for kind of thing in the future/get a sensitivity reader/a beta read from that culture to check me.

I hope you still enjoy my writing and can understand.

Dendro Allogenes:

Tighnari = with some help again to put magic into it, you give Tighnari some head coverings you sewed together that have the power of Cryo in them! So now he can actually see what plants are out in the desert, visit Cyno, or just enter the desert to his heart’s content, which, yes, his tail started unconsciously wagging after you explained what it was. “Oh! For me? Well I’ve taken to avoiding the desert if I can because of… wait a minute, you say it has cryo in it? What? How does that work?? You think it’ll genuinely help me in the desert?? You made it???” Tighnari’s ears are all twitching with excitement, and he’s holding the covering (that matches his clothes/dark green) like it’s a new plant for study, omg he pulled out his magnifying glass and everything-

Collei = so she’s actually a really good seamstress, and makes plushies a lot, esp for kids! but one day you found one of her first attempts, a ragged looking sort of pale pink bunny… her first attempt at a plushie Baron Bunny!! so you decided to mimic her design (still baron bunny but with a sort of Sumeru-like clothing on it), and sew her one! You made a whole day of it, eating together, going to the best spots to sightsee (for as long as Collei was up for it/not too tired) and then gifted her the plushie Baron Bunny! She accidentally let out a small scream that startled both of you tbh, and then snatched that shit so quick lmao, kicking her feet on the picnic blanket and everything! With your permission of course, Collei then tackled you for a hug lol, she ranted about all the little details and made you tell her several times over how you made it so she could make some more in the future too! She may or may not have talked about missing Amber and teared up… but then you redirected her attention to the bunny saying, it’s like a gift from Amber and you really! (you also added a function where, if you squeeze the Baron, it’ll dish out some healing power and some heat! …Collei tackle hugged you twice for that one)

Alhaitham = what a hard person to get gifts for, he’d probably be like “thanks” no matter what you got him 😭, he means it tho, it would just be underwhelming… but on the bright side, he definitely seems like he’d show a deeper appreciation for handmade gifts! Since you learned how to make one for Yoimiya, you decide this calls for another handmade hammock (also bc Teyvat doesnt have hammocks)! You painted symbols like green crystals and geometric patterns, but also lions and a golden Palace of Alcazarzaray for Kaveh, and your symbol, the eight point star (like the four point but with flare/not like the jewish symbol with equal points lol)!! So that way he can keep lazing away, and avoid people more comfortably lmao, and also if he is going to do that, he doesnt have to sit on rocks or hard structures for hours reading, and you hope it’s encouragement for him to spend time outside/take a break and nap! (Haitham knows that’s part of why you gave him this, even if you didn’t say it, and so he makes a point to do that more often to make you happy, take the advice for his health) oh look, after thoroughly looking at your craftsmanship for 10 minutes, you got a smile in addition to a “thanks”, damn, that’s actually how you know he likes it a lot <3 :)

Nahida = you remember vaguely from Nahida’s storylines/friendship levels that she loves games, and so you collect her a nice deck for Genius Invokation TCG! You also made her a cute bag and container for it, her bag is a rose maple moth crocheted bc really this was an excuse to just make the cutest character in Sumeru look even cuter, (like this, i tried very hard ok, bc this doesnt exist yet, im shocked) The first image is most correct, (imagine the face and stuff is cuter/simpler) as that’s also the backpack part! Her eyes were so big when you handed it to her, (you honestly were shocked they even could get any bigger lol). She jumped up and down excitedly with the backpack on (ur fucking heart, just like you intended, the wings flapped around and everything <333) you are also currently working on a luna moth (the pale green moth) in case she wants it to match her outfit more! even tho Nahida insists something handmade once is enough, you can see the childish yearning in her eyes, like a kid trying to say no to a toy that’s being offered right in front of them lmao

Kaveh = pretty girls deserve pretty things, and you were definitely feeling the pressure to make something high quality enough for Kaveh, tho u know he’s sweet enough that he’d appreciate anything you’d take the time to handmake (and tbh.. it sounds a little arrogant, but ur hoping something so cared for by what he, or at least most people see as some kind of all-powerful god above the archons, will boost his self-esteem/confidence in his own worth more, or at least let him know one more person cares about him…) so you didnt make it super detailed, and you put a note on it too to let him know your not as great at that as he would be, but you made a model of the part of the teapot house you’re going to design for him! Like a sort of sneakpeak, you made a small lookalike of Alhaitham and his house, but filled it with decor like if Howl didnt hoard all the cool shit in his room in Howl’s Moving Castle, but instead spread it out, and sort of used your modern taste for layout, (not the ugly ass corporate aesthetic) and a small garden. You also made nearly all the decor and stuff something interesting (like some primogem strings, they can be pretty small, for string lights, lampgrass from Mondstadt that he’s never seen etc.) and while you very shyly handed him the model at first, he was practically vibrating with excitement!! “You made this?! Oh of course I don’t expect perfection, it looks wonderful so far, especially if this was your first attempt!!” Kaveh has like sat down, and is delicately holding it and looking around, and when you tell him it’s an actual space, meant for him, he gently sets down the model and grabs you by the shoulders, “Show. Me. Now. …please?” looking at you with very determined puppy dog eyes lol

Yaoyao = …idk what you expected. It was so obvious. A crocheted bunny backpack. brown, so it matches her, since her basket was brown, or you could leave off the feet, whichever u prefer, and anyway, Yaoyao is always doing things for others, so the little girl was so cute and pink when you actually gave her something instead! (once again, using ur old trick of making the person think u need something then shocking them with a handmade gift instead hehe) She IMMEDIATELY switched it out for her basket and has pretty much converted to using it full time! (tho when she needs the more solid one she’ll still wear it, she just alternates, esp if there’s some occasion she’ll deffo wear the bunny backpack, it’s her “fancy god-made bunny backpack!”)

Baizhu = the doctor isn’t one to talk about himself a lot, so you weren’t sure what he would like other than some new tea… but you wanted to make it yourself so while you were a little disappointed it was just a basic pet gift, you wanted to maybe put a little extra into it so maybe Changsheng will use it and Baizhu will think it’s cute! You crocheted a little pet pod/cave for her to hang out in (imagine this but a Jueyun Chili hehe) and it also has a little crocheted vine rope so the little Jueyun Chili cave can be hung from things, or even tied onto Baizhu’s apron/hold it like a purse! That way Changsheng doesn’t always have to drape across his shoulders/has somewhere to retreat! When you shyly showed Baizhu and Changsheng, he literally clapped, so did Qiqi lol (he usually does those tiny smiles… but this one was the brightest most genuine you’ve ever seen, even in game…!!) You find that Baizhu’s eyes look like that type of person’s eyes were they just look like “happy”, like there’s a little fond sparkle in his eye. Changsheng was all like “about time I got something instead of him! I’m basically an assistant too y’know! …thank you very much, my Emperor.” (if you’re NOT squimish of snake pics, pls look at this cute smile Changsheng would give)

Hydro Allogenes:

Barbara = …so even Barbara was a little hesitant at first, but came around to the idea after some convincing, and some encouragement (and showing her she was capable of it) but you basically ….may ….or may not have… found a loop hole for her being a catalyst? So, thru a lot of persuading Barbara to train with you and Childe (who also thought it was amusing to see such a young girl who’s literally a nun and a singer do this) you got Barbara to make water bombs! Like her circle of notes that float around her when healing, she sings and gestures and similar to her ult, (but like Childe’s E-skill it just switches between the two), the notes fly out and explode in the direction she sings/aims! You wanted to remind her of her old dream of being recognized, and wanting to help in battle in a more combat way, and besides, you’re sick of women getting regulated to the healing magical role in games/anime fantasy, so yeah. You and Childe are literally evilly giggling to each other in the background as Barbara sends quater notes and lines of music that explode (like how water can sharpen and cut things like Childe’s blades? Yeah he taught her that) so intensely that it cuts into the Pyro Lawlachurl, bringing it to its knees- Barbara accidentally cuts its head off as the finishing blow. While she gasps in a little fear, but mostly shock, Childe jumps up and down and starts cheering.

Mona = got sparkly eyes, nearly snatched the gift out of your hand, you made her some awesome earrings from the character banner wishes! All pretty ombre pink and blue they swirl and look so pretty framing Mona’s face, she only wears them on special occasions despite your claim of everyday use, they also help her figure out where the clearest view of the night sky each night but glowing brighter and brighter when she gets closer to seeing clearly, Mona is almost? weirdly envious?? for her past self that had to suffer thru all the inconvenient cloudy nights lmao

Childe = like anon said, a new pair of knit gloves, using the fur from the snow king boar! he’s amazed they never wear out now, and he totally uses them as an excuse to hold your hands all like “I just can’t get over how soft they are, feel them, you did amazing comrade! even better than some Snezhnayan shops!!”, exactly what you expect he’s leaning into your face and everything- 🙄

Xingqiu = an ao3 account you had a hard time with Xingqiu’s, afterall, he’s from a wealthier family, so he can get mostly what he wants, and you don’t wanna just get him another book… so you kidnapped him to Inazuma! (idk if this is canon, or happened in an event or smth I missed idfc) So, you also kidnapped Albedo for this trip, so that Xingqiu could actually see the impact his writing made overseas! While you intended for this trip to make Xingqiu feel better abt his writing, (and to help Albedo feel appreciated too, despite him not expressing much low self-esteem in his art, compliments heaped upon him def cant hurt, plus u can see him go pink too hehe) you also wanted to surprise him with a author book signing! If he was up for it, of course, which he “I absolutely, definitely, certainly am, my liege!” Kid’s practically hopping in place, as you get him all ready for his book signing (and not rlly Albedo bc he’s always fucking perfect, u dont have to do shit, even his messy hair looks nice 💀) …you also may or may not have given him some hair decorations (to help his asymmetrical cutting, not that it looks super bad, but for a change at least)

Yelan = …it’s official. You are intimidated. It’s only pretty hydro women and Ayato from here on, on your “Gift List”. Needless to say, like a few other allogenes, you wouldn’t know shit about this woman if you didn’t read her lore… it’s not a fine replacement, you don’t think, but with (lots of almond tofu, and osmanthus wine too) dev access to help you, you created another bracelet for Yelan. Inscribed (just like the heirlooms) inside simply says “You Are Not Alone”, with your eight star symbol following after (like a four star but with some flare, and also not the Jewish star lol), it glows an otherwordly gold, a contrast to the bright blues of the other bracelet. Its function is a geo shield, to protect Yelan and any teammates nearby when it’s activated, she can also leave the shielded area in one spot, so she can do her e-skill and still protect people. You’d just casually asked her to meet up with you one day in that teahouse you know she runs for intel, and when you presented her the bracelet, she held it delicately, saying nothing as she examined it, reading the inside. A small smile tugged her lips up, and she slips it on as she sips her tea, “…Well, I’ll have to show this to present this one to the family shrine, I think this more than makes up for the heirloom I failed to keep. A replacement from the Guide of Teyvat themselves… Thank you, my Emperor, for this handwrought gift you bestow upon a mortal such as me. …and thank you, for not leaving me alone.” Yelan bows a little in her seat, sharp blue eyes more softened than you’ve ever seen her, trained on yours. Her hands are together in that same praying motion that gives you the weirdest sense of deja vu…

Kokomi = so you don’t know much about her, as the it seems the character lore for Kokomi you can remember was… lacking, to say the least. Hoyo definitely plays favorites, BUT YOU DON’T!! At least when it comes to gift givining so everyone feels appreciated, you got a pretty book (handmade or bought) and got it/made it kinda small, like the size of the book in her idle animation, bc turns out that’s her diary of sorts. You know the priestess feels if she expresses any opinions that her people will just take her side, or her word as… well, a divine priestess, the weight of her title you suppose. She also keeps track of how many spoons she has! Like what things drain her, and what things make her feel better (big social interactions vs. reading a war treaty book by herself for example) So you made her a bullet journal! (here’s one of my favorite bullet journal youtubers, here’s a flipthru of her completed journal) you didn’t fill out the whole thing, just some example pages, to show her the possibilites! …you were kinda worried bc she turned away at first after delicately accepting it, and since it was just you two, she allowed herself turn back around and start excitedly chatting your ear off as she leaned in- and wow. Kokomi’s eyes really are, dreamy, like cotton candy… and they’re so much prettier when she smiles…

Ayato = …you know exactly what to do. Interrupting his busy schedule (and only actually taking one day out of it actually bother him so he can have the others as a secret vacation hehe) to come over to the Kamisato household and homemake some boba drinks for him, Ayaka, and Thoma to try! Mostly Ayato tho, you got all the syrups, the milks teas, the boba, and luckily, were able to get some help from Xiangling in experimenting in making… popping pearls! (they’re edible boba pearls that are actually filled with juice/syrup flavors and burst on your tounge when you barely bite them! they’ve very sweet, and Inazuma definitely didn’t have any different pearls other than tapioca, those squishy black pearls you see in his regular boba tea) …Ayato is literally holding your hand like he’s about to drop to one knee, this man is down bad for boba (and you) and… are those tears?! Is he tearing up?! “I can’t believe… THE Akitsu Mikami… blessed me, personally, with boba?? With NEW boba teas and pearls I’ve never even seen?! …Thank you, my beloved emperor!” Mans has quite literally gotten on his knees, but bc he’s so tall, he can still comfortably hold both your hands in his bigger gloved ones …Thoma is desperately trying to get Ayato up, Ayaka is getting onto her brother in the background.

Candace = it’s not exactly a traditional gift… but the reason Candace doesn’t wear a lot of her jewelry or finery is because of the hard job she has as a Guardian/in the desert, so you figured giving her more things she can’t even really wear wasn’t the way to go.. So instead! You gather a journal or advice from Ningguang, Keqing, Yelan, Zhongli, and all the others in the Qixing who were willing to help you, and kidnapped Ganyu for a sight seeing trip! (since u and Ganyu has that whole “in between two very different worlds” bond) You brought Ganyu because you know if anybody would be good at managing something/getting it started (like the music fest back for Lantern Rite… that I missed bc I dont understand how lantern rite works 😭😭😭 VIOLENTLY SOBS ITS BEEN 2 YEARS AND I HAVENT GOTTEN A SINGLE LANTERN RITE U GUYS-) it would be Ganyu herself! …and to also give her a break. See Aaru Village suffered from little to no economy before Candace finally negoiated with the elders to let Sumeru merchants travel into town/buy from them/sell to them, but she’s had a rough time keeping the old coots from being dicks about it since, …and it’s also hard to convince the younger generations to come back after many wanted to see the outside world because of this… So what better what to solve two birds with one stone?? GANYU!! And all the economy and business advice you could gather form Liyue! You hope that the village flourishing (and helping Candace cut down on shady merchants) would impress the older generation, yet also get more money in the town so they can dress it up a bit more (like fixing unsteady bridges, also u kidnapped Kaveh to help revitalize their cultural architecture buildings back into life/or help make the simple buildings just prettier) Now Ganyu and her are besties (Candace rlly needed another friend besides just Dehya alone to come out and see her in the desert) and the adepti was very willing to come visit her and Aaru Village to help the economy maintain its footing/run smoothly, and Kaveh also comes and works on it/checks on her/the village! …When you initially showed all the plans to Candace, saying it’ll impress the old by bringing back old designs/architecture plus interest/satisfy the younger generations to know their hometown is advancing and make it more appealing to come back to… The Guardian puts her shield and spear off to the side, she lowers her head, and greets you, bc u kinda just started rambling without saying hello- whoops- , “Salaam aleikum Qore, **I have already become the first Guardian to have been blessed by the gods, to receive this Vision was the only aid I could turn to in trying to help my village, my community… but to be blessed once more? I would never have dared to dream, let alone the Ogdoad Qore… I am grateful on behalf of myself, my village, and all of King Deshret’s people. …truly, I did not expect a gods eyes to turn favorably upon us since my ancestors’ time. Thank you, my Qore.” You just give her a smile back, she taught you the return phrase, so you hope it’s appropiate, “Waaleikum us salam.” :)

Nilou = This woman is consumed by dancing, other than keeping the peace (well, within reason apparently bc she’s okay with a coup-) but you’ve heard how hard it can be on dancers, how plenty of them have to have strong muscles to perform consistently. So, using adepti magic, you’ve enchanted this minakari you’ve painted (a type of metalwork that’s then painted by artists, on Earth countries like Iran, India, Afghanistan, Pakistan make them) like the teapot! It’s a small island that has a dance studio, and more importantly, a spa with hot springs, a sauna, and a room full of medical supplies dancers would need like salves, heating/cooling pads (using pyro/cryo), and space for stretches! Overall, just a place for her to get away from all the people and to heal her body up for the next performance, and after getting it all prepped/packed up with supplies, and showing it to Nilou… she literally had her hands over her mouth the whole walk around the rooms and showing her everything. Nilou had already been shocked you’d painted her a minakari piece, let alone all this! Like some others, she was quick to drop the formalities, and before you could even say “I hope you like it!” she was wrapping her arms around you and squeezing as tight as she could, tearing up and saying how happy she was that someone understood how hard dance can be on the body and how hard it can also be to take care of yourself, and how she can’t possibly show her gratitude- wait a minute. She’s pulled back and gripping you by the shoulders, not even bothering to wipe her eyes, before she swears to give you a dance every year with all the culmination of her work as she learns and makes newer and better dances!! <3

Cryo Allogenes:

Kaeya = horses so he’s actually a calvary captain- you actually wanted something that’d emphasize the handmade part of the gift, to really let Kaeya know somebody out there really cares about him, cares about him in the way that they’ll sit down and think of an idea and think of him, and then work for hours, sewing, drawing, crafting something just for him, to happy about. You make him a small, pocket sized photobook, and have a picture of every person who cares about him in all the slots, and near the end, from his last birthday where you gathered everybody together to celebrate, is a photo of Jean, Klee, Albedo, Sucrose, Venti, Rosaria, Noelle, Amber, even Eula, Diona, Mika, Barbara, and Mona came! But most importantly, you got Diluc to host it at Angel’s Share, and after some convincing, got him to get in the picture, you’re slightly off center, sandwiched by Kaeya and Diluc, where Kaeya is mid-laugh at the center, having just seen Diluc’s embarrassed face. It’s the last one in the mini album, and each photo has an even small message at the bottom, giving Kaeya a message from everybody, just for him. At the very end, with the group photo just before, is one of yourself and him posing together, you having taken him out roaming Mondstadt for the perfect picnic spot, just to give an excuse why you wanted a picture with him. And at the time, he found it a little suspicious, but was just flustered enough he let it slide. But now, opening and unfolding this tiny album, full of smiling friends and caring words, Kaeya gives a small, watery chuckle, you’ve left him a message too. “Take care of yourself Kaeya, because someone out there really cares about you. :) “

Rosaria = After seeing her “nun” outfit, there’s no doubt in your mind that Rosaria is yearning for clothes closer to her preferred aesthetic. So, using your knowledge of punk clothes and modern goth religious aesthetics, you’ve made some pieces for her to try! Some black pumps with metal crosses for heels, yes they’re sharp and this nice shawl with beads, and finally, a nice lacy skirt (no you did not make fucking lace, jesus christ, you’re not a miracle worker, despite the belief of some teyvatians-). All of which, wow, got Rosaria to give you an honest to god… smile. A full, genuine smile from Rosaria… yeah that made all your hard work worth it.

Eula = a book on common manners so Eula is actually great at cooking! So what better chaos to gift to her other than introducing her to Xiangling! Especially since you’ve given the young Liyuean cook recipes from your own world for her to try out, she’s been on a rampage of new things, and so what better new experience than a cook from an entirely different country? You also made a small book of recipes (look up how to make a zine book on youtube it’s actually kinda easy) from your world, different from Xiangling’s because you thought Eula would like different recipes than her. …So needless to say you were then being berated by two chefs for not sharing all the recipes lmao, tho that really just gave them reason to share recipes! Also any new spinoffs Xiangling’s already made from the initial ones you gave her, and now Eula not only graciously thanks you for the recipes, but also her new pen pal! :)

Diona = So, to prep for this gift, you forced converted the Cat’s Tail to a non-alcoholic cat cafe during the daytime, and only in the evenings do they start serving alcohol/cats put up. You also got onto Margaret for hiring a child to make alcohol, so instead have Diona work better hours, and only during the cafe time, so she’s not making alcoholic drinks either. (you also checked in on child labor laws in Mondstadt, and ran some paperwork by Jean just in case) But most importantly, you teach Diona all kinds of new drink recipes to make, like Shirley Temples, smoothies, etc. You even (once again, by getting help from Xiangling and Diluc) made a drink for hangovers, but more importantly, helped her make one called “Sober Up” which magically flushes out the alcohol out of someone’s body, so Diona can finally sneak people a drink that (while still cursed to be well-made since Diona made it) is a trip to drink lol, it’s like a blast of carbonation/electricity to the system and will typically make most people very nauseous (but since magic’s doing it, they dont need to throw up, they’re just sick feeling for an hour depending on how much they drank). Diona nearly cried after she saw the effect on hungover customers, and immediately started sneaking them into her father’s drinks, so now he’s leaning more toward sobriety most days, and after finding out what Diona did, started to talk to his daughter more. The next time you see her, and ask after her father, she just wraps her little arms around your waist, the highest she can reach, you hug her back.

Chongyun = for prep for this gift, you painstakingly, slowly convince Chongyun to accept more and more moments of warmth, like trying some spicy food that’s gone cold, but just away from people so he can be silly out in the Liyuean mountains instead, and to try and use exposure therapy to try and get him used to yin energy/warm/excitable things, rather than the inefficient method of just avoiding it all (as it doesn’t always work/deprives him of so many nice things!! >:[ ). So that way! You can finally! Take him to have fun!!! You haul him (and Xingqiu bc the more the merrier) to go swimming in Luhua Pools, go jumping off all the peaks from one to another paragliding, using cryo to surf down waterfalls, and most importantly, go to a hot springs at the end of the day! Chongyun was worried about them being too hot and activating his yang energy, but you all agreed he had been training to get used to it, so now he when he goes to try it, he just relaxes into the heat. He could feel the tug to get out and run in circles and get excited, but finally, Chongyun could just choose to sit and relax into the warmth with friends instead :)

Ganyu = if I had a nickel for every woman In teyvat who just needs a break I’d be fucking rich …Obviously, a day off. But an ACTUAL day off, with work regulated to others, and unless there’s an Osial level incident 2.0 (fuck his wife, you put Shenhe on duty to protect Liyue just in case) NO ONE. IS. TO. DISTURB. GANYU’S. FIRST. VACATION. IN. DECADES. You get her to show you the prettiest viewing spots in Liyue, and as you go, tell stories from your life on Earth, showing her pictures on your phone (from both the internet and ur photos), to show her how mortal you are on one hand, but then how different you are here, upgrading her weapons and artifacts, and most importantly, her gift, a Teyvat modified cellphone! Albedo and you had been working together for months to try and make something close enough to connect ur two worlds, while introducing him to adeptal magic and other powerful objects like primogems and wishes that you have to help power it, that way the only other person who might understand immediately how it feels to be (literally lol) caught between two worlds can always rely on each other! …Ganyu cried. Yep, tears down her cheeks and everything, “…I- I- don’t even- even know what to say? All this, telling me about your mortal world, helping me get stronger, and now- now this? I may not have much to give in return, other than my company and my bow… but should you ever need me, or even wish for me, I will hold you as steady as I hold together Liyue itself, my Emperor." Ganyu’s smile is so, so, so pretty, and all the prettier now that her soft blue hair and sweet eyes are framed by the sunset, like it’s her own gift back to you.

Qiqi = A backpack for herbs! You’ve made sure to stitch her name into it so in case she forgets it’s hers, she’ll just see her name again, and lots of little pockets so she can carry all the herbs/make deliveries, it looks a little like this but with a goat instead of cow, and some cocouts lmao, literally a “coco-goat” milk backpack! She is now the cutest person in Liyue, everyone agrees, nearly every single person who comes into Bubu Pharmacy gives Qiqi a compliment now, and Baizhu will periodically take a break just so he and Changsheng can coo at her lmao (Qiqi made sure she wrote down in her notebook in big letters next to your name “This person made my cocogoat backpack, remember to thank them during prayer times, and collect lots of fresh herbs for them”)

Shenhe = It’s kind of a lot, but really, at this point, you’ve done more for some of the others so this probably isn’t even scratching the surface of how big of a gift you can give, so why not. Going full steam ahead, you furnish her a house at the edge of town, so that she’s not overwhelmed by all the human traffic/people, but still close enough to make the friends she wants! When you first show her the dining/living room so plenty of guests can come over, and begin to tour her through it, the strongest woman you’ve probably ever known gently holds your shoulders and stops you from speaking, and turns you to face her, Shenhe’s eyes are sharp with observation as they roam your face, and then settle on your own wide eyes. Her eyes soften, and a small smile warms her usual stern face, (idc how tall you are, she’s taller, I fucking promise) as she leans down a little to look at you closely in the eyes, “Thank you for being a kind god. You did not have to be so generous to me, and yet here you are. If you ever feel like you’re an outsider in Teyvat, in any country or company you find yourself in, please, promise me you’ll come here. Come home to me?” ✨💘✨

Ayaka = You manage to get her away from her duties to take her out to Sumeru! Mostly so you can introduce her to Nilou, see her performance, and the flourishing arts that now fill Sumeru City’s streets, and more importantly, a dress you made so she could dance with Nilou + dance on stage, she wasn’t confident enough/didn’t want to dance for a crowd, so it’s just you three or just you two after awhile. Ayaka looks the happiest she’s been in awhile, more so than you ever saw in game, and it’s… almost like a breath of fresh air to see her away from what you felt was such an isolating environment, even after the Vision Hunt Decree was over. For her last dance, Ayaka does so alone, a little after the sun has set, so it’s all blue, and the stars are coming out, finally, you get to see an even better version of the dance she gave the traveler that night. She only opens her eyes at the end, to give you the giddiest smile you’ve ever seen on her, cheeks cute and plumped up bc she’s smiling so hard, and bows to you (Ayaka’s thanked you a million times, but she doesn’t need to, you can feel how happy she is just from this)

Mika = THE BOY!! One of the most boys to ever boy in all of Teyvat!! Your boy!!! :D What a boy, he nearly fainted when you handed over his gift one day, and you had to reach out and steady him, then hand him it again 😭 It’s similar to the Marauder’s Map, since you enchanted it (once again, what’s the point of dev access if I can’t make gifts for my skrunklies?) and since you don’t want it to end up in bad hands/get spyed on, it only shows itself with a phrase as well “I wish upon a golden star, to know this land as well as its player.” and it’ll show him everyone in public spaces in Mondstadt, not private homes, but like the plaza, the church, the Knights of Favonius, etc. He thanks you every single time he sees you for the map, as it’s both fascinating to him to have a proper well-drawn map of the city of Mondstadt (you copied it from the Teyvat in game map, but there were some buildings missing bc they’re more real here/more fleshed out as a irl city) but that just made Mika even happier bc he can go and map them out!! Literally can’t talk to you bc all he’s saying is “T-TH-TH-THANK-THANK YOU ALL FURST-!!!” before running away most of the time lol

Layla = An embroidered tiny pillow for her to easily clip onto her bag/fit in it, and take on the go with her! (this but the text just says “Sweet Dreams Layla ♡” ) that you’ve also added scent to, including some sleep inducing magics, so she’s guarenteed to sleep well and efficiently when she uses it! She blushed so hard you thought she was sick at first when you gave it to her, and she also used the pillow as a shield to hide her face as she thanked you lmao, and she made you a pillow in return! …even if she thinks it’s not as good as yours, both craft wise and function, Layla worked for weeks on it! …lol now ur the one hiding ur face behind a pillow (this but they’re all plants of sumeru)

Aloy = …if you had a nickel for every person you’ve provided with a house, you’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird it happened twice… Poor damn heroine just got dragged from one world to the next, just as the last one finally was at peace, now she’s here in Teyvat, where nothing’s familiar, the entire world is set up different, people are nicer and more open here, and there’s still threats looming on its horizon. Needless to say, she is tired, and misses her own homeworld. You really wish on her behalf that Hoyo hadn’t done a crossover, but since she’s here, you figure you might as well make it easier on her. You’ve made another teapot-like adeptal magic container, so she can have a place all to herself, and given her a ticket to your own, afterall, if anybody knows what’s its like to get yanked to another world, specifically Teyvat, it’d be the travelers and yourself, and sure enough as time goes one, Aloy becomes closer with you all, and begins to finally feel a sense of familiarity, she wraps an arm around your shoulders the first time she saw you tried to make her own personal teapot place emulate her homeworld. The widest grin you’ve seen on her face, she gives you a squeeze, “It’s just been one adventure after the next, and when we started out, you were just another stranger in a world I didn't understand. But after everything we've been through, I can say this for certain: My bow is yours, now and always. Thank you for the second home, my king.” Aloy says teasingly, laughing at the face you make.

Geo Allogenes:

Noelle = goddamn when will the busy women trend END these poor souls Motherfucker, you’re gift to Noelle was to knight the damn girl yourself. No, but you nearly talked Jean’s ear off for an hour, after gathering evidence (both from eyewitnesses, and Noelle herself, including other knights and Jean herself) about why the literal fuck Noelle wasn’t a Knight of Favonius yet, and why she should be. After genuinely shaking Jean’s nerves a little, she agreed, and finally, Noelle was going to knighted along with any other potential recruits during the testing season, (as people with high reputations, which, once again, using your god status for all its worth, could recommend new recruits) but most importantly… You gave her a 5-star claymore, which, you do have to somewhat work on yourself physically in teyvat now, but your dev access lets you cheat a little (like the cooking meter on cooking dishes, you’re the goddamn cooking god when hosting guests hehe) so you also are allowed to edit it, like adding a Geo-bonus to the weapon itself! When the ceremony for knighthood was going, and pretty much all of Mondstadt came to finally see Noelle get knighted, you made a fun show of walking out where you were hiding and replacing Jean, to knight Noelle yourself. She’s gone completely red in the face, and is starting to sway a little in her down on one knee position, as you gently place the blade on both shoulders, and grin at her as you turn and pull out the claymore for her. She actually does end up falling over, pale as a ghost, whoops-

Albedo = internet access so he can become a fucking god basically the alchemist is a hard guy to make a gift for, another person you’re a little afraid high-quality handmade gifts would impress him more… so you worked hard, and eventually you managed to make three big notebooks for Albedo, one with lined paper, one bulleted, and one blank for sketches (you did the title page a decent sketch of his pretty face smiling and “For Albedo” underneath, and while that one had a picture, the other two had just the words) and you also loaned him your cellphone for awhile, and suggested the idea of a laptop to make for himself, as he already managed to get you connected to Earth’s internet again, that’s part of the reason you customized/made him notebooks, so he could research from the internet and write down any notes he wanted! …wow. you really did it. after explained all this, and leaving him notes about the laptop idea as loose paper stuck inside one of them, you managed… to get Albedo to… smile. At you. Like a FULL smile, pretty lips, wide smile, and flushed cheeks-!! Albedo caught the notebooks you almost dropped.

Ningguang = what do you get the woman that has everything? so you started to think of things that’d make an experience, and after remembering her lore about her making a chess game, you decided a board game would be good! And if you make the little pieces, it’d be one of a kind too! (she’s the type that really loves handmade gifts/as long as you put effort in it doesnt matter how “bad” it looks to her, she’ll believe it’s still good <3) …So you made a Teyvat version of Monopoly. You figured the business part would be in her realm of expertise, and maybe she could use it to play with business associates or friends, and of course, she’s a competitive woman, so she thinks it’s great, and even asked permission that a marketable version be made (one that’s not nearly as nice quality as hers from you obviously)! Ningguang also treated you very well as a thank you for making it for her, a nice dinner at Liuli Pavilion, with a useful gift of places you haven’t seen in Teyvat yet bc it’s more expansive now that you’re physically here!! You may have gotten over-excited about it… and she may have chuckled at you… and you may have gotten flustered after she rested her pretty hand on yours for nearly half the dinner as you stuttered thru and explanation of the game…

Zhongli = …what do you get the man that has everything (ningguang problem 2.0)?? Well, since you thought of something for her that was an experience a little bit, yet also one of a kind, you figured the same path for the previous God of Wealth/literally invented money/etc. would do, plus he’d the type to deeply appreciate handmade gifts too! Using a few chunks of Light Realm Core, 3 Masterless Starglitter, 1 Intertwined Fate, and 1 Condensed Resin, to make a nigh indestructible Ginko leaf hair pin, which also to replace his last pin, which while not broken, was getting old and beat up (he’s immortal he doesn’ notice these things unless they’re like magically long lasting items lol). But in a few spots are these peach beads like this instead of all white beads, like on the ring both have symbols of longevity, and are usally associated with immortals, you wanted to make something that’d also hold memories (hence the resin, from leylines) so if the erosion ever took him, Zhongli could hold the pin and see some of his favorite memories played back (like misty glittering gold projections)! When you told him all this, the materials, (he obv knew the symbols) and the intentions, and then handed him the gift, his soft smile got bigger and bigger, until you could see him small fangs (❤️‍🔥) and then he turned around? You were confused, until he look over his shoulder, his eyes flashing gold in the sunlight, “Will you do me the honor, my Emperor?” OH- you unclip his old geo cor lapis one, and pull his hair up into more of a low bun, and put the hair piece in. the golden ginko leaves chime softly in the breeze. The old god turns back to you (idc how tall you are, he’s taller, and he had to crouch a little so you could reach lol) and gives you that blinding, beautiful smile again, the kind that makes his eyes look warm and happy. He takes your hand delicately, like you’re made of something fragile instead of stars and magic stronger than any he’s ever seen, “Truly, you bless me too generously, my Emperor. Thank you, for caring for a forgotten god like me, for caring about my heart.” …Zhongli presses a soft chaste kiss to your knuckles, right on the middle finger’s knuckle, his lips are warm and so, so soft, like they’re barely even there. <3

Yunjin = a bit difficult because she’s so theater focused in life, but you figure since she does solo shows a lot, she’ll still be the one to benefit the most from your gift, you made some floating plaustrite lanterns to help heft some platforms for more stage space/cool effects! (this but a little more detail, you painted some bamboo and a few simple adepti on them) Like putting props up there or lights to aim on actors, or even actors themselves since the floating rock is steady enough! Yunjin practically squealed (which immediately made every actor in the vicintity be like “YUNJIN!! UR VOICE WILL GO HOARSE STOP-”) and gather the whole troupe to thank you! But she especially told you that although she already intended for you to have front row seats every time you came to see her plays, she especially wanted to get some stories from your life, or even just your favorites from Earth for her to perform for you!! (she even suggested that one of the platforms could be your special seat, like an opera box seat lol)

Itto = you know that belt buckle he wears that’s just an Oni head? Yeah, you made him a second belt but with a onikabuto beetle as the buckle instead! (kinda like this) but a small enough it’s not inconvenient and poking his stomach, which you definitely got a Inazuman blacksmith to help out, you mostly painted it, and when you show Itto the belt, mans literally just wraps his buff arms around you like a hug but then just starts spinning you rapidly, and lets out the highest pitch “EEEEEEEEEEE-!!!” you’ve ever heard him make (and you’ve given him a few trinkets before, so this is a new record wow). No, it doesn’t matter to Itto how much you weigh, have you seen his abs?! He says as he’s still got you a little off the ground, and is now walking away with your limp body and wearing his new belt, “This, and a proper meal to thank you are the bare minimum, my wonderful emperor! Come on, the gang’s already there anyway, you gotta try my Granny Oni’s food, and I’ll make something too! My best, most special, sandwich, Way of the Strong!! Y’know, because if anybody deserves it, it’d be the strongest, and sweetest, you!!”

Gorou = since teyvat isn’t exactly the pinnacle of advanced civilization, though there are some advancements sure like the Kamera, there are still a fair amount of things that’re just left up to locals to produce and make using whatever process they’ve got, regardless of efficiency, and one of those is soap. Yep, soap. Earth is more advanced when it comes to beauty products, but also hygiene products, and Gorou has a hard time maintaining his tail he’s said when he’s stressed/overworked. So, you used some knowledge from your interdimensional smartphone (love u Albedo) to find a homemade recipe to make soap! (…for dogs, but you don’t know if he’d find it offensive… so you don’t tell him LMAO) and you even made it a cute shape (just so when you handed it over, he’d open it and of course, go all red all the way down his neck even, hehe, (he secretly liked it)

You towards all of Teyvat, except it's not even their birthdays (idk if u want it to be it can)

☆

PLEASE LET KNOW IF ANY LINKS/PICS ARE INACCURATE FOR A CULTURE/MISLABELED ETC.

Me after writing all this:  _」(´ཀ`」 ∠)__

… so I may have hyperfixated a little too hard on this one.

Did the OG asker want this? …probably not…

Did anyone ask for this?? …no.

…did I do it anyway….…yes.

…sorry?

(I promise I only thought to do this because there are so many characters left out in favor of the more popular ones for most SAGAU posts, and bc i never want any of my babes to feel any less loved than any others if I was actually there in Teyvat… you get… this mess.)

sorry!

☆

Safe Travels,

💀♒

☆MY BELOVEDS☆

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche

[magpie-come-east]

Asking why the Hornsent characters are mean to justify their genocide is such a goofy non serious ass take. Well dude perhaps their mean because of said genocide!

It’s bad faith and frustrating to see again and again.

1) There are no ‘kind’ Omen characters. Morgott and Mohg are the only Omen in the Lands Between we have meaningful interactions with that aren’t base mobs. Morgott belittles and threatens the Tarnished. He hunts them down and kills them without pity. It is his duty but he enjoys it. As he dies he mocks the player because they will still fail to become Elden Lord. Mohg tries to immediately kill the player to- presumably- feed the cocoon your blood. And that’s not getting into the murder blood cult he leads.

They are hostile and brutal. But people still find Omen sympathetic. They can rationalize their behavior (Morgott’s, at least) and see how their tragedy shaped them. The Omen didn’t deserve to be killed as babies or banished to a sewer because Morgott and Mohg aren’t good men as their ‘sole’ representatives.

So the Hornsent should be allowed this same grace, too.

2) If one were to actually listen to dialogue from and about the Grandam and Hornsent (NPC), it’s very clear why they are the way they are. Grandam thinks the player- as a non-Hornsent- was sent by Messmer to kill her. Of course she isn’t going to greet you kindly. She thinks her life is about to end! She’s an old and infirm woman trying to protect her peoples’ holy city from a stranger that looks like her oppressor. Why are people so desperate for her to be demure and grandmotherly?

Hornsent (NPC) has deep sympathy from me, honestly. I get the impression that Miquella’s followers don’t take his peoples’ plight very seriously. Dane only suggests fighting Messmer to burn the concealing tree. Not to help his fellow compatriot. Freyja calls him a ‘dour little friend’ which is hideously condescending considering his family was all killed. Like his ‘grumpiness’ is a silly quirk and not a deep-seated wound for him. Leda says that the ‘Hornsent were never saints. They were just on the losing side of a war’. Which, while ultimately true, is a dismissive way to describe the genocide that war was/is.

I think these dialogues show us just how fraught and dire it is to be Hornsent in the present era. Their people are being slaughtered, their culture erased, and everyone around them either wants them dead or just doesn’t give a shit about their circumstances. Why should they perform niceness for anyone?

3) They aren’t even that mean imo. Not by Fromsoft character standards. Like, it’s amazing that Thiollier aggros if you try to tell him what Trina told you, but no one is writing think pieces about Thiollier’s irreedeemability. D’s brother calls Fia a rotten whore after he kills her, and no one is crafting essays about how problematic that guy is. Etc etc.

So, yes. It’s a brainless criticism in my opinion.

[ignylinn]

RE: TLT and catholicism

You know those churches in the Netherlands who ertr sold and now are public buildings , faculties or shops and services ? If you entered them you might not notice their previous use at all but it's very easy to recognize it you're used to churches. There's the nav, the altar, the orientation and of course the shape and the places where the saints and images used to be .

The Locked Tomb Universe is kinda like this . Gaius, a former catholic, created his "religion" based on the rites and imagery he knew but devoid of all the substance of it ... or almost all since the resurrection for them is also a huge point even if it's not The Ressurection we know of .

He got his saints, and the prayers ,and the rites, and specially for the readers who see it from the perspective of the Ninth, even a Holy Mother , that for them is Alecto. In HtN John explicitly says in a way she's everyone's mother .

Lastly Harrowhark devotion for her church and the Body and said Mother resonates a lot with so many catholics including me. Specially by the end of Nona after she has learned the truth about Gaius and decided she was still a daughter of the Ninth and went in search of God by herself after letting the pretender behind .

So yeah, in summary, it's the imagery and Harrowhark devotion and faith that makes these books so Catholic at least for me.

Thank you!

So, the answer turend into some rambling, but anyway)

Yes, I totally agree that John just used imagery he knew to create whatever it was he created without any substance to it. I am not sure whether it is right to call this cultural appropriation, but I guess it is. John appropriated everything, so)

Anyway, I often see familiar Christian/Catholic symbols with wrong denotation in this day and age, so I just thought "aha, here we go again" and stopped thinking about it. I mean, there is an in-universe explanation for this, which I like a lot, but still.

Also, apart from the Ninth House and the Locked Tomb cult I do not remember any forms of organized religion, theology, I do not see genuine religious feeling in anyone but Harrowhark. And as far as I understand, Anastasia was the nun, so it seems fair that she was able to create a genuine religion in the Ninth House. (I mean, their memories were erased, but it looks like personalities, body memories, perhaps sunconscious remained).

And to summarize answers I received, Harrowhark is a Catholic character. I have read the arguments, and yes, I agree. I applied her worldview to my earlier experiences in the Church, and I see similarities.

Thank you again for sharing your personal feelings, I really appreciate that.

[spearsndragons]

i hate it when asoiaf fans try to deny the racism against dornish people in canon.

“race is a social construct!” YES! “race doesn’t exist in the asoiaf world like it does in reality…” uhhh say that to alleras when leo tyrell described his mom as “a monkey from the summer isles.” how people stereotype dornishmen as small and dark with beady eyes. how tyrion complained of how dornish smelled. it’s been established canonically how most westerosi characters viewed non-white people and foreigners.

sure, some of dornish are white and white-passing, but that doesn’t erase the fact that they are mostly brown and black people??? just like how africa, middle east, asia, latin america and many oppressed regions are? GRRM has written MANY, MANY times how much the rest of westeros “other”s them. we’ve seen them reduce dorne as a land of sex and hedonism, which parallels to how the western world viewed (and many still view) asia and the middle east. they see them as “less civilized.”

when myriah martell became daeron’s wife, the kingdoms were quick to shit on her because she brought dornish people to her court. when elia married rhaegar, people thought she was unworthy to marry the beloved, handsome, white prince because of her health and her dornishness.

don’t get me started on the whole “elia would have been okay being cheated on! dornish are okay with extramarital affairs and bastards!” like do you guys not hear yourself??? this hyper-sexualization is literally a classic racist trope.

and i’m certain grrm intended to write it this way to show that racism, in fact, exists in westerosi life and dominates in their politics, just as in real life. he’s even said before he considered giving targaryens dark skin: “I’d had dark-skinned dragonlords invade and conquer and dominate a largely white Westeros.” so him making dorne, a largely non-white population, being the only one to resist conquest and the only kingdom to join westeros on their own terms, is very much intended.

too many fucking fans reduce our arguments to us “pulling the race card.” well guess what? BECAUSE IT MATTERS. just as racism is embedded in our society, everything about how this fandom and characters view dorne go back to race and racism. just because you can’t admit to yourself that you’re upholding white supremacy ideals doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

YOU CANNOT DENY THAT RACE AND CULTURE ARE IMPORTANT ELEMENTS IN ASOIAF.

DORNE BEST KINGDOM! MARTELL BEST HOUSE! IDC IDC! WHO ELSE IN WESTEROS SAID FUCK YOU TO THEIR COLONIZERS AND LIVED TO TELL THE TALE?

(i can say more on the matter but i will just get more heated and end up writing a 10 page essay. when i tell you the law student in me comes alive when i have to defend dorne-)

[ckret2]

3rd times the charm (writing this i lost what i wrote 2 times already) questions/related for/to goldilocks bill 

1 is mabel adhd and or some neurodivergent cuz of hw/grade thoughts/feeling /comments made/referenced and was this me being delusional/implied and will only be implied in the story/foreshadow something or just 

2 can bill hid his cycle long term and who restocks mables pads cuz if its her what does she think of a huge chunk going missing and if not how long and with mable in ca and melody maybe moving out what would he do what are his thoughts on having to ask for menstrual products like asking would be humiliating on a scale of 1 to 10 who would he ask most to least likely what beliefs/knowledge/feeling do the other characters have on periods 

3 would he have any thoughts/preference on different menstrual products like pads/tampons/cups/other items i don't know or it the theme/art the only difference 

4 sorry if this is gross (S&P would never approve) but would bill if he had period blood at the time gone for round 3 of battle of hygiene used the period blood like his stink and the sink incident as bargaining/negotiations chips for something cuz i hate how messy period blood is in my experience and just experience with so many peoiple being so repulsed by it (would he possibly think its funny like blood haha and the blood clots like slipe)

5 why did he get one so soon like his body is 2 weeks old ( i think i'm bad with time(time is and illusion anyway)) but anxiety, depression, sudden weight loss/gain, being under/over weight, extreme exercise, and poor nutrition are some of the relevant things that can make you miss your period and bills got oodles of poor nutrition depression anxiety and maybe (going on only sooses comment so far) sudden weight loss (for me just eating 2 to 1 meals (1 school lunch the other fast food) a day for a long time meant i didn't get a period for like 6 months) but is it the fact it's so new and axolotl set to easy thats he got one (also i don't mean to be rude i have no knowledge of what you do/dont know about periods and stuff)

6 for the kryptos gang Maybe when the accident happens bill rips holes in the dimension of accident and only they are lucky/unlucky enough to fall and get translated though not knowing it was bill and not in bills view/doesn't know/thinks that killed them? And end up stranded in an extremely unknown place worried about the shit going down in the dimension and latter get rumors it was destroyed and they grieve But that way bill is  alone in the aftermath and people spread no survivors present and these shapes are standed  he meets/collects them that way he can promise them something better would them not knowing erase or amplify the guilt or would them know bill did it make more sense sorry if this is bad i know that i don't articulate myself well disclaimer i have not read the book of bill (im :,( broke rn).i have seen some of the website but would this work with cannon and your story i also don't know how the dimension stuff would go would they up or down a dimension maybe the axolotl translated them cuz reason idk or bill accidently did it when the holes ripped open

god that's a lot of text to lose twice I'm so sorry lmao

1. Yes, I write Mabel as ADHD. I don't know if it will ever be directly stated in the fic, primarily because I doubt she's gonna get a diagnosis; but I'm drawing on the experiences of family, friends, & myself to write her.

2. Mabel thinks "hmmm... I used those a lot faster than I expected... but I've been using these less than a year, maybe I just don't have a good sense of how fast I use them yet."

Bill wouldn't consider asking for them any more or less humiliating than having to ask his captors for food access, shower access, or sunlight access. He has no taboos or shame associated with bleeding out of a hole for most of a week, being ashamed of that is a human cultural thing; but he is consistently humiliated by needing to ask his captors to please let him have the basic resources he needs for his stupid body maintenance.

But remember he just got a room with a fridge and permission from Soos to stick whatever he wants on the household grocery list. He doesn't need to specifically ask his captors for period supplies. He can just... put it on the grocery list. Now it's Soos's problem. Maybe Abuelita's, I feel like she might prefer to do the shopping if it's not too strenuous for her yet.

3. Tampons can kill you so Bill thinks humans are pretty dumb to use them. He doesn't much care beyond that. He's used exactly one product.

4. I can't think of a reason he wouldn't but I'm not interested in exploring weaponized hygiene more than I already have.

5. He's been in his body over five weeks. He got the one period he's had so far almost 4 weeks in, giving him a cycle only slightly longer than average. (Even if he HAD gotten one two weeks in—how do you know his body wasn't just created already halfway through a cycle?) He's had a shit month but he started off in good enough health for it not to immediately matter and the shittiest most physically & mentally grueling part of the month (the eclipse + execution) came after he'd bled.

6. begs a lot of questions—"how" "why them" "where were they" "why didn't Bill find out sooner" "why DID he find out". Doesn't feel airtight enough to me. Plus, I already know EXACTLY how Bill's dimension is destroyed, and random rips in the dimension aren't part of it.

[leantailean]

Ain't no way you're paying victim. You called Zuko a supremacist colonizer when his whole arc was about rejecting the Fire Nation's nationality and colonialism. You defended Aang prioritizing his culture over Katara's trauma. You can't get mad at Zuko for brushing off Aang using his culture to project his self-righteousness and not at Aang for dictating Katara's grief by implying culture is the only right way. In no way was that user being racist.

(Especially because Aang has made fun of cultural Water Tribe food and touched Water Tribe artifacts like they were toys)

YOU started the confrontation with her, then got mad that she rightfully replied (twice). You're butthurt because you were proven wrong. Grow up.

Hello anon, may I draw your attention to the fact that my interaction with the person you obviously mean here was limited to one post in which I disagreed with her opinion and dared to express my point of view, in which I was so polite, that I even apologized for the fact that the post turned out to be long and praised her art (yes, I bought that, mistaking this AI for real watercolours. Only after the last post did I look more closely and noticed all these countless artefacts, sixth fingers and meaningless shadows lying on the wrong sides of the form). I wrote my opinion and forgot about it because, you know, I have a life. But it seems that my post really hurt you and this person much and you felt so insulted and offended that you have not been able to calm down for several months: that person wrote gigantic (but rather meaningless) “responses” a few months later, you all bombarded my mailbox with anonymous hatred, and took ridiculous attempts to slander my art.

And, anon, can I ask: do you even read what you are responding to? I didn't call Zuko a supremacist colonizer; I called him the great-grandson of a colonizer (which is literally who he is in the story). And yes, Zuko's role in history is worse than it could have been for a conventional great-grandson of a supremacist colonizer, because Zuko personally took part in his great-grandfather's war, attacking the Southern Water Tribe, threatening the elderly and children, and using physical force against them

burning down the Kyoshi village and trying to capture the avatar, the world's last hope, even after he began to realize that this was not right (that scene from the book one where he turned away from the fire nation banner).

Just because Zuko repented and self-improved doesn't suddenly erase these facts from his story. I think that remorse and deep pain for his actions will haunt Zuko throughout his life because he truly became a good person, unlike you, who are just ready to pretend that none of this ever happened and are not worth remembering.

Aang is a genocide survivor. His beliefs are hard-won experience. Because he knows what it's like to lose your culture, your people and find the passed away parent (their direct parallel with the Katara). His philosophy of forgiveness is not something he was taught in school, nor is he the affluent 21st century suburban boy as he's so carefully portrayed by you. This is his experience. And he shares this experience with his friend, who is also a genocide survivor. He and Katara share this experience and Aang has every right to tell her his opinion. It is Katara's choice to agree or not, and she makes her choice, but Aang had every right to express his opinion.

And I wonder, anon, what can you say about Sokka? He is just as much a victim in this situation as Katara. Sokka is not a pacifist or an air nomad. Kya was also Sokka's mother. And he is also against Katara committing a murder. This is not the first time I have seen how, while attacking Aang, haters pass by Sokka in deathly silence, and past Zuko who also agreed with Aang in the end.

I will not specifically address your point about Aang being a racist for not liking traditional Katara’s food or for putting a hat on without knowing what kind of hat it was. I don't believe you are stupid enough to actually make such arguments seriously, it must be trolling. It’s clear that you have nothing to complain about Aang at all, because these arguments look desperate. 

It's impressive how much the opinion of a stranger on the Internet can hurt you. Are you so offended that someone dared to respond to your baseless accusations against fictional cartoon characters? Or maybe you're so offended by the fact that I can criticize a character and keep liking him (Zuko is literally one of my three favorite characters, along with Toph and Aang). If you look at my blog, you'll get a pretty clear impression of how much I love Zuko and what a giant amount of time and effort I spend on art dedicated to him. Because I see all of Zuko's flaws and still continue to love him—unlike you, who only love the emasculated "ideal" version of him. As very well said here, your treatment of Zuko is very similar to how Ozai treated Azula: "be absolutely perfect, otherwise you're a good for nothing waste of space". This is very noticeable from the posts of the person you are defending here.

So yes, the advice to grow up is very good, but you should turn it on yourself, who, for some reason, writes your complaints anonymously, like a coward, or on those people whom you are defending. This is the Internet, and if you're not ready that not everyone agrees with your opinion and that someone can actually respond to your takes, maybe you should just get offline.

(I see that you want to start a drama, but you are in the wrong place. Any anonymous letters like this one will be deleted.😎)

[bluebird722]

A Lifetime of Firsts

Jeankasa Week: A Lifetime of Firsts

Summary: The Jeankasa relationship is examined through their "first" experiences over their lifetime together.

Rating: T

Main Pairings: Jeankasa, hinted Eremika, Aruani

Author's Note: This was supposed to be my entry for @jeankasaweek2024, but I had fallen ill from a work trip abroad, so I put it on hold until I was able to finish. This is a little longer than my previous fanfictions, but it's probably my most favorite fanfic that I ever wrote. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed plotting and typing it.

For @itslieutenanthawkeye, @jean-kirschtussy, @corner-stories, @marshmallow-rainbow139, @ereami0, @casualaruanienjoyer , @cidsideral , @witchyu , @heavenzscent @peacefulharu @pickalilywrites @levisecretgfblog @ravenhealer5

***Attack on Titan: A Lifetime of Firsts***

First Hug

After they met with the Alliance, the ambassadors made the trip to Shiganshina to visit the grave for the first time. They were exhausted and thirsty, but seeing Mikasa reenergized them with relief. She was all right and safe from all that time working in the Queen’s orphanage. The manner in which she cried and smiled as she embraced Armin made her look more innocent and less traumatized. 

Jean didn’t know why, since he knew that she could have never returned his adolescent feelings for her and that he had to let go of that hope, but when she and Armin let go, he guided her into a hug. She smelled just as sweet, and caring for the children at the Queen’s orphanage seemed to have erased the stress and tension that she had carried as a soldier. Even if they had to be friends and nothing more, he was just relieved that she was safe and happy. 

After he let go, lest he make anyone else suspicious, Mikasa pulled away and tilted her head. “I like the hairstyle,” she said softly. 

Jean’s heart fluttered. “Looking good for the history books,” he said proudly. 

Behind him, Pieck snorted. 

Everyone had picked a wildflower to set on the grave and pay their respects. Then Mikasa followed them back to where they were to stay until they next departed.

For some reason, that first hug felt so significant to Jean. He didn’t know why, but he had a hard time willing himself to let go. He made himself lose feelings for her, and it was easy when he was helping set up refugee camps and truthfully answering interrogations and collaborating with the other ambassadors. Something was going on within him, but he didn’t think that he was comfortable sharing with any of his parents or even his closest friends. He just hoped to clear it out before he left. 

First Letter

As the ambassadors were preparing to leave, Mikasa made sure to be there on time to say goodbye. Naturally, she and Armin embraced tighter, and he was looking forward to reuniting with her, even though he updated her on countries and cultures that she would admire and everything that reminded him of her; she told him about how big and healthier the orphans were growing, and how politics on Paradis were improving and worsening. However, even though Kiyomi had been relentless, Mikasa refused to move to Hizuru; she didn’t want to abandon her birthplace, and she couldn’t abandon children who needed her. Armin knew that they were becoming a little family to her, and she looked at them as the innocent child she had been before she lost her first family. 

Still, Mikasa reflected on a conversation they had earlier, when she talked about her guilt for missing him but knowing that she had to kill him to stop that monstrosity. Armin reassured her that yes, she had to, and that she had to sacrifice her happiness for the Rumbling to stop–but that didn’t mean that she had to feel guilty about moving on with her life without him. She was no Ymir, and she did not want to be, but she had clung to him with every fiber of her being for survival since she lost her parents, and she didn’t know how to process his absence from her life.

“Let me ask you this, then,” said Armin at one point. “If it had been the other way around–if you died and he lived–would you rather he spend his remaining years mourning after you, grieving over a dream of what could have been…or would you have wanted him to find love with someone else so he wouldn’t have to spend the rest of his life alone?” 

Mikasa blinked at that question. She opened her mouth, flushed, but didn’t say anything. Armin did not push for an answer. He knew she was conflicted but also that she had to ask herself for an honest answer. He decided to remind her, in a letter, that she deserved to be happy, and that she could still love Eren with all her heart and yet also love another person for the rest of her life–after all, she missed and felt love for her late parents and still considered Grisha and Carla her new family when they took her in. 

Armin was putting those words onto paper when Jean walked into the cabin. “Is that for Hizuru?” he asked.

 Armin shook his head. “No, it’s for Mikasa. I just wanted to tell her something that I didn’t have time to before we left.” 

“Okay.” Jean smiled. “Tell her I said hi.” 

“Sure,” said Armin, “but why not write her a letter yourself? I’m sure she’ll appreciate knowing that I’m not the only friend of hers who likes to keep her updated on how things are going, and check up on her.” In truth, Armin was not trying to set up Mikasa with anyone, let alone Jean; he just assumed that she would have liked to correspond with an old friend rather than just the orphans she helped raise. Plus, Jean writing to Mikasa would remind her that just because she lost Eren didn’t mean that there weren’t other men who also cared about her well-being and wanted to stay friends. 

Jean hesitated but kept the idea in the back of his mind until he was secluded in his own cabin. While Reiner, his cabin mate, slept and breathed in Historia’s scent from her letter, Jean decided to tell Mikasa about their plans–what they would discuss, their goals, and what they looked forward to once they arrived back in Paradis. He admitted that he missed his parents very much and wished that he had more time to spend with them before he had to leave. 

I know that you are happy caring for the orphans, but I think that you would make a fantastic ambassador because you care, he had written. Mikasa reread the letter under the shade of the tree and stared out at Shinganshina in silence. Not even a bird flew by. She looked down at Eren’s grave, which she visited only on his birthday and the anniversary of his death, and now when she greeted the others back to Paradis. 

She liked that idea, as much as she loved caring for the orphans, because she knew those children would grow up very soon, and she wondered what to do with her life afterwards. Would she find a partner, someone who knew she killed but still loved Eren and yet loved her in return? Was she to relocate to Shinganshina, or would she go wherever fate took her? The future was so uncertain that Mikasa began to cry again.

***

Caring for the orphans took her mind off her dilemma, if only temporarily. Then again, it made her feel less lonely and more satisfied that she was giving love and care to children who, like herself, lost everything. She knew that she could not save every child, but at least she was doing all she could to prevent those children from ending up in the clutches of the Yeagerists. She expressed that concern in her letters, first to Armin and then to Jean. 

Over time, writing to Jean felt like keeping a journal which wrote back to her. Even though she didn’t share everything for fear that he would not be the only one reading, she wrote about the orphans and how slowly she was adjusting to life outside the military. She wrote about how Trini was the fastest runner but not that she cried every time that she prayed for her late parents, how Mike was quick to learn how to cook but not that he spent days clinging to Mikasa, how Clifford loved riding horses but not that he had nightmares about his mother dying from her wounds right after he lost his father and siblings. She also skimmed over how Lauren and Amber gradually stopped crying for their own fathers–who were crushed to death when the walls fell–in their sleep, and liked to make up silly songs with Robert, Jessie, and Matthew. It was strange how everything was getting better even when things were getting worse. 

First In-Depth Conversation

The Yeagerists continued to seek and demand power, but fortunately, relations with other nations were improving thanks to the alliance. Peace was temporary as long as the Yeagerists were still in full control, though Reiner and Pieck decided, when the time was right, to move back to Marley and work for the alliance there; Connie and Jean decided to move back to the island, but both Armin and Annie were unsure of their long-term plans. Mikasa reminded Armin that she would support his decision no matter what, and no matter how his relationship with Annie progressed. 

After they visited the grave, they went back to the Queen’s hall for a small party with the other allies. Mikasa didn’t really want to go, but she did not feel like going back to the orphanage yet; it was still new to her being around people without Eren at her side. It was at the event that she overheard Jean sharing with Armin and Annie his excitement to reunite with his family. Mikasa smiled, but then she noticed Connie walking by looking crestfallen. She knew that he was excited to see his mother again but was conflicted if they should rebuild or abandon what remained of their village. 

She listened to Jean, Armin, and Annie talk to allies about their travels and what they looked forward to doing when they came back for work or pleasure, some of which she knew through Jean’s letters. 

“Thank you again, for writing to me when you were away,” she told him after their small crowd had disbanded. 

Jean smiled, kind as ever. “Thank you,” he insisted, “for answering back and updating us on Paradis. Maybe one day, you can join us on our excursions in other countries.” 

Mikasa beamed at that idea but recalled her sour first trip to Marley, how their mission did not go as planned even after a fun night of partying. 

He pressed his hand against her lower back and guided her out of the vicinity. “You seem upset,” he said, “and please don’t deny it. I can tell.” 

Mikasa knew there was no sense arguing with him and instead mentioned her disappointment that the first excursion to Marley failed and if she could have done something so that Eren would still be alive and they could have peace without the destruction of the Rumbling. 

“You will see him again,” he said, even though he was still unsure if he fully believed in Onyankopon’s belief in an afterlife. “But…he wanted us to live long lives.” Jean didn’t know why he started stroking Mikasa’s cheek. “I just hope…that with this ‘freedom’ to the outside world, we can no longer feel trapped as we did before. We can experience everything we ever wanted.” 

“Jean,” she whispered, “what was the future you imagined, that you would like to have?” Mikasa asked. “Do you still want to move into the interior?” 

Jean hesitated and looked down. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Even after I decided not to join the MPs, I…I can’t see myself, knowing how corrupt they had been, knowing how there will always be Yeagersits loyal to the core living there…” Jean sighed. “I used to dream about moving to the interior—the best house, everything. My kids could have access to the best schools, the best education that only the Queen and the truly wealthy could afford…just a good life for my loved ones, after everything that I’ve endured. I risked my life for this country, for humanity, so I want them to have the best life possible on this island.” 

Mikasa didn’t say anything, but he suspected that she was picking up from him that familiar desire for the impossible–impossible or at least very difficult, but still nice to fantasize about. You don’t always get it, he thought, but it’s nice to get close–and maybe see the good in not getting what you want. 

“What about you?” he asked. “Would you have wanted something similar–a family? Did you ever want one?” 

Mikasa didn’t respond immediately, but she did look down at her right wrist. “I don’t know,” she said. “Family is something expected of you. When my mother gave me this…” He didn’t need to look down at where she was looking. “She asked for me to pass it on to my own children.” 

Jean didn’t say anything. 

“But I would not want children unless I wanted them with…the right partner,” she finished. She didn’t need to say, but Jean knew that she was thinking to herself if Eren would have been the right partner–the love of her life, yet one who willingly murdered children in Liberio and in the Rumbling. Jean agreed to himself–he did not want to marry a random woman just to have a wife. Maybe he dreamt of his ideal future as an escape from the Rumbling, but it was nice to imagine that manifesting because he was willing to lay down his life for that island. 

They stood in silence until Jean spoke up: “If I have to wait for the perfect partner, I will. I don’t want to chase a dream that won’t come true.” 

Mikasa thought about the cabin dream Eren gave her, how she knew that wouldn’t come true, and the turmoil that Ymir had for over 2,000 years. She didn’t know if she could hold onto that heartbreak for that long, and in the process cause so much trauma for unborn generations. “Thank you, Jean, for sharing this with me,” she said. “I know it must be hard to hold that in for years.”  

Jean quickly smiled. “Well, thank you for letting me trust you with that. You have changed so much, and you’re so different from when we first met.” 

“Are you just saying that because you had a crush on me even before we were in the Scouts?” she asked. 

Jean looked at her sharply. “Well, if Armin and Annie had fallen apart, would you have wanted him to harbor after her for life, or would you have encouraged him to move on?” he asked rather harshly. “I’m your friend. I care about you. I hate to see you blame yourself for what you did, even though you knew it had to be done.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I think about our fallen comrades every day, but I want to live so their sacrifices were not in vain, that yes, we have a mess to clean up, but we can make it better than before–” 

Suddenly, he noticed that Mikasa’s eyes were watering. He didn’t intend to offend her, but he put his hand on her arm and pulled her to his chest. Suddenly, she seemed to fall in peace crying in his arms. “I loved him, too,” he whispered to her. “I may have picked fights with him and been incredibly selfish back then, but I did not…” He closed his eyes and sighed. He would still give up a thousand apartments in the central region to find a way to bring back Eren without the threat of the Titan curse coming back. “I’m not telling you to forget him,” he added. “I just don’t like seeing you suffer, especially alone.” 

Mikasa lifted her head. “I won’t,” she said softly. “I want to live a long life, like he wanted… I just don’t know how.” Her eyes drifted downwards. 

“Neither do I,” Jean said, “just as long as I have my loved ones and people I care about.” 

Mikasa suddenly remembered Armin saying how just because she lost her parents didn’t mean that she should forget them and accept Eren’s parents as her own, nor to deny them as her new family. “Jean,” she whispered, “did it hurt…that I loved Eren, and didn’t feel for you as you felt for me?” From his sharp inhale and the sound of his teeth clenching, she knew that it was still a sore subject for him. 

“Like hell,” he whispered back, “that I couldn’t compete with him for you, and that I could be everything you wanted and needed, but I wouldn’t be him.” He sighed. “It took me a long time to accept that. But I still care about you, Mikasa. I do. I just want you to be happy.” 

Mikasa lifted her head and cupped her hands over his jaw. His facial features had changed with adulthood, but she knew that not all of his personality had. She wondered how much of him had changed and stayed the same. “Jean,” she began, almost hesitantly, “I’m sorry that I hurt you. As we were writing to each other, I’m glad to still have you in my life, to be a friend when I needed it, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings anymore.” 

“Mikasa,” he said, “I’ve accepted it. You don’t need to apologize. I’m glad that you taught me that I can live with the hurt but still be your friend–just as you can acknowledge that what he did wasn’t right and still love him.” 

Mikasa dimly smiled. “You haven’t changed so much, Jean. You still speak your mind and still speak the truth, even if it hurts.” 

Jean chuckled. “The fact that you still want to be my friend despite that says a lot, makes me feel better.” He was relieved that she grinned back. Then he realized that maybe he never did get over her. She was his ideal woman, something to look for as he searched for his life partner. She may not be exactly like Mikasa, but at least Mikasa taught him what he wanted and didn’t want in a wife. At least he could still have Mikasa as a close friend.

First Confession

The day before Reiner and Pieck were to depart, Mikasa and Armin visited the grave, where she worried what to do with her life when the orphans grew up. Armin spoke only kind words and reassured him that she could tell him anything; no matter what life threw at them, she would always be as close to him as a sister would, and he only wanted happiness for her. 

After they stood in silence and then spoke to the grave, Mikasa and Arnim walked down the hill together, each reminiscing about themselves as children running up the hill. Then Mikasa asked Armin if it was wrong of her to betray Eren by loving another man, even if it wasn’t to the extent that she felt for Eren. Armin said it wasn’t a betrayal; if anything, Eren wouldn’t want her to spend the rest of her life alone. Then he asked if it was about Jean, with whom she had seemed more communicative lately. When Mikasa flushed, Armin continued: “When you’re away from him, do you miss him? Do you hope he’s happy, worry if he’s safe?” 

Mikasa’s eyes burned. 

“He makes you feel safe, right? He makes you feel… a sense of security, one that you haven’t felt since Eren?” 

Mikasa’s stomach boiled with a sick feeling. She didn’t want to admit it, but she knew that the longer and more she denied it, the worse she would feel. “Yes,” she whispered. “And it feels…somewhat different than how I felt with Eren.” She had to clench her teeth and fists before she lost her balance. She remembered visiting Eren’s grave even in the snow to stifle those feelings and deny that her heart could open itself to that vulnerability once more. “Armin…” 

“Yes?” asked Amin. “Mikasa, what is it?” 

Mikasa, with tears in her clenched eyes, swallowed. “Yes… I think I love him.” 

First Kiss

Mikasa felt bashful around Jean. She realized that she was starting to fall for him but worried that she could not give him what he wanted, what she had wanted to give to Eren. She didn’t want to break hearts, yet she didn’t want to lose him. Therefore, she kept a respectable distance from him as they waved to Reiner and Pieck aboard the ship taking them back to Mikasa. When they reached the train station so Connie and Jean could go to their respective homes, Jean asked Mikasa if he could still write to her. She said yes. 

Then, after months of speculation and sickness never bled into her letters, she asked to see him in person and what day they could meet in Trost. She wanted to talk to him and say things that she did not want to put to paper. 

The day started out nicely, with Jean’s mother cooking up a feast and gushing over this woman that her son marveled about when he was younger–because, of course, of her strength and that she was a magnificent warrior. Jean’s face burned, but Mikasa didn’t mind. It was nice getting this sense of family again, in which the parents hovered over the offspring no matter how old. When lunch was over, Jean’s mother gave Mikasa a walking tour of Trost and supplemented with stories of Jean’s childhood. No matter how often Jean grumbled, Mikasa was attentive and softly smiled. She liked hearing stories of Jean as an innocent boy oblivious to certain horrors of the world, unaware that he would become one of the greatest soldiers of his generation. She was having such a good time that she didn’t leave until hours after dinner. 

Jean walked her to the train station, but before they entered, he stopped and pulled her aside. “Mikasa,” he started almost hesitantly, “what is it that you wanted to tell me in person?” 

Mikasa swallowed. “Well…before I get there, I wanted to ask you something–something a little uncomfortable.” When Jean didn’t respond but made an encouraging face, she continued: “Remember when we were all in that cell, in Shiganshina? When…When I asked Armin not to repeat those hurtful things that Eren was saying to me–why did you push him to say them anyway?” 

Jean blinked, like he couldn’t believe that she would remember such an awkward conversation. “Well…like I said, I thought that he had a motivation, a reason for wanting to hurt you, and as we all know, he must have had some reason to isolate himself from even you and Armin, given how much he cared about you over everything else.” 

Mikasa nodded once. “But why did you want to know, even though you knew that hearing them again would have hurt me again?” 

Jean clenched his teeth. “If he was hurting you, you know, to push you away, I needed to know how he was hurting you, to understand why he would hurt you in the first place. And we realized why.” He looked at her with a line between his eyebrows. “Why do you ask?” 

Mikasa didn’t respond. Her eyes flickered over his shoulder for a moment. “Does it bother you, still, thinking about how he said things that he probably didn’t mean?” he asked. When she continued to stay silent, he sighed. “I’m sorry, Mikasa. I know how important he was to you, so if I sound like I’m trash-talking someone you love–and I don’t want to be talking badly about him so you would think I’m trying to make you forget him”--

“I don’t want to be Ymir,” she said, “and I don’t want to keep mourning over what could have been.” She gave Jean a look not of vulnerability but of determination, one that had deepened his attraction to her when they were in the trainee corps. “If…If I wanted to visit his grave with someone…would you go with me?” 

Jean’s eyes briefly widened. “I’d go with you multiple times a day if you needed,” he said. “Eren was my friend, too, don’t forget, so it would be for you as much as myself. I want to put my friends above myself, just as a husband should for his wife, a father for his children, a neighbor for his neighbor, a citizen for his country.” Then he blinked. “Why?” 

Mikasa took a deep breath and swallowed. “Jean…” She touched his face and stared into his eyes and could see that underlying yearning for her–no matter how hard and frequently he insisted that he got over her and was waiting for the right woman. 

*** 

For Jean, kissing Mikasa was a dream that he never thought would come true. For Mikasa, kissing Jean felt like the traumas of her life had been briefly lifted from her and could not touch her at that moment.

First Time

Jean and Mikasa were married on a bright day, what they calculated to be the anniversary of when they first met, when Jean first saw Mikasa and complimented her on her beautiful black hair. Jean nervously chewed on his lip until he saw Mikasa in her bright white gown, clutching the crease of Armin’s elbow and beaming like she was having the best dream of her adult life. He vowed to love her every day of their lives, even in the bad times, and to put her above himself. 

His mother sobbed into her hands when her little boy kissed his bride and tilted her back, as he had seen in other weddings. She hugged his shoulders and kissed just as hard and passionately. When they reluctantly parted, the Queen declared that it was time for pictures using the best camera from Marley, and then the orphans for whom Mikasa cared as children brought out the greatest foods and wine, while those skilled in music played instruments. It was like that night in Marley, all of the laughing and drinking and goofy behavior. The reception did not stop until way after dark, so the Queen’s carriage carefully rode their newlywed’s into their own house.  

Before leaving to go home, however, Jean told the carriage driver to “go ahead” but told Mikasa that she could close her eyes and rest. When she leaned her head against his shoulder and took his hand, he kissed her temple and studied her smile until the carriage stopped. Jean stepped outside, helped her out of the carriage, and carried her up the hill to the grave with a lantern in one hand. Mikasa’s eyes widened until he reached the headstone and gently set her onto her feet. He greeted the headstone, knelt down, and talked about the beautiful ceremony and how it was so much better than he could have ever dreamed. Then he stepped back and encouraged Mikasa to speak about the wedding. Mikasa talked about Armin giving her away, how beautiful Annie and Historia looked in pink, and the Kirstein jewels that her new mother-in-law had gifted her the night before to wear. 

Then Mikasa squatted down without dirtying her gown and laid her bouquet over the grave. “We will see you again soon,” she promised. When she indicated to Jean that she was ready to leave, he picked her up again and carried her down to the carriage, and then she started weeping. He didn’t ask why; he didn’t have to. She still said, “Thank you…for letting him be part of our special day.” 

Jean kissed her forehead and reminded her that Eren was his friend, too. He absolutely deserved it. She looked back one last time and then entered the carriage. 

Jean and Mikasa, however, did not consummate their marriage that night. When Jean carried his bride into their new home, they spent the early hours of the evening sharing wine, laughing, and singing and dancing even though no music was playing. They were not ready to go to sleep, even though the yawning increased, but they were too jubilant to stop and consider making love for the first time. 

The next morning, when Jean and Mikasa failed to meet with their loved ones for a midmorning tea, his concerned parents ventured to their son’s house. The door was unlocked, a wine bottle had spilled onto the floor, and their son and new daughter-in-law were sleeping against the front of the couch, his jacket gone and the back of her gown unzipped. They reeked of wine, and their hair was wild. Jean’s mother was convinced that not even the loudest sounds could wake them up.

When the newlyweds did wake up in the midafternoon, they sheepishly changed into less formal clothes and ate away their hangovers with Mr. Omelet and steamed broccoli and diced bacon. As embarrassed as they were that his parents caught them in that state, the fun they had that night was worth the amused yet slightly judgmental looks. Jean’s father kept reassuring them that it was something to laugh about come their first anniversary. Mikasa didn’t think the humiliation would go away by then–maybe in the next 2,000 years. 

Her in-laws did not leave until long after sunset, but they reminded Mikasa about the present upstairs she needed for her special night. After Jean let her change in the bathroom, Mikasa unboxed and pulled out the item that had been tailored for her—a simple white nightgown with golden rods on the straps, a V-shaped neckline that stopped at the top of the sternum, and a small slit at the side. As soon as she pulled it on, she unveiled the matching robe with lace on the cuffs. 

She didn’t make a show of it when she walked out of the bathroom, but the look on Jean’s face made her feel very beautiful and very vulnerable. She caressed his jaw as an offer of comfort, and he hugged her very tightly. Only when she kissed his neck and whispered to him did he walk her into their bedroom. 

Jean had his eyes closed the entire time that he unbuttoned and removed his shirt. Then he pulled off his socks, unbuckled his belt, and set them on top of the chair. He looked into his bride’s face as he unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. Then he closed his eyes and decided to remove everything. 

Jean stepped out of the clothing and slowly opened his eyes. Mikasa stared at him, transfixed with the length of his bare legs, the muscles in his arms, and the bones of his hips and collar protruding from his skin. He anxiously gripped his thighs and worried what she thought, seeing him at his barest and all of the flaws and scars that he would not have shared with anyone but the woman he loved above others. 

Jean took a deep breath and turned around so she could see the back of his body. He was overweight as a boy and still felt insecure about his appearance—was there something about him that made him look unfit to her? Did he gain weight somewhere that she thought undesirable? He swallowed and wrapped his arms around himself. He wished that he knew what she was thinking. What if he gained weight when or if she became pregnant– “papa bellies,” Marlyeans called what they made fun of. That’s why he was more conscious about how much he drank and felt guilty whenever he overindulged. 

He didn’t know that she was behind him until he felt her arms wrap around his waist from behind and her face nuzzle into his upper back. “I hope you feel safe with me,” she whispered, “because I feel that around you.” That was enough for Jean to turn around and kiss her until she raised her arms as permission for him to remove the nightgown. They kissed naked for so long that hours must have passed until he asked if they could move to the bed. 

She pulled away the comforter and sheets before she lied down. Jean followed and waited for her to feel comfortable. Then he crawled over her and thumbed her cheek. “I trust you,” he whispered. “And I love you.” 

Mikasa clasped his neck in both hands. “I love you, too.” Then she closed her eyes and parted her mouth. 

The back of Jean’s mind raced with the advice that his father gave him about giving his bride pleasure and easing her through an intimidating, intimate activity, but his main focus was the love he felt for her and how nice it felt to give and feel love. He returned the kiss and imagined the entire world celebrating their union. 

They spent the early hours of their wedding night exploring each other and what brought them greater pleasure. Both had come into bed worried about impending awkwardness, but the patience that the other had eased the nervousness as they learned how and where to make good use for future lovemaking. Sometimes they stopped just to hug and savor this new beginning. 

Jean thought that the actual act was to be the most memorable moment of the night, but he found that the afterglow, when both were sticky and twitching, his back stung from where she unintentionally clawed him, and her eyes fluttered as she panted, was his favorite. He didn’t feel any different just because he had intercourse for the first time. What was different was that he now had the perfect partner to whom he would make love. 

They steadied their breathing when he lay on his back and she nested her head on his chest, fingers stroking his chest, her back. They napped for two hours, woke up to share a glass of water, and relished in the silence as they took in how happy they made each other. 

Jean nuzzled her neck and hoped that the joy in his chest would continue beyond that night. They had a lifetime, hopefully, to bring each other and themselves immense happiness. They had only been married for one day, but he was looking forward to this new stage of his life. “I love you,” he whispered into her skin. 

“I love you, too,” she whispered back, her fingers intertwining with his in a tight grip. 

First Anniversary

Mikasa didn’t know what she was clutching harder–the handful of wildflowers she had just picked, or her husband’s hand. Jean didn’t know if she was more hesitant or excited as they walked up the hill. Even after one year of marriage, he was still learning so much about her, like how she preferred to hang wet laundry and which vinegars she disliked for pickling certain produce. 

When they reached the headstone, they crouched down and laid the flowers onto the ground. “Hi Eren,” said Mikasa. “It’s been a while, but it feels like only yesterday that we came to say hi.” She talked about how strange it was to have been married for an entire year, and yet few things seemed to have changed–only the love grew, and the communication improved, and she and Jean felt even closer than before. 

“We have a picnic back home, with our friends and family there,” said Jean, “but before we go, Mikasa here has some big news.” He smiled at his wife, who was also beaming. 

Mikasa cleared her throat. “We’ve kept it a secret for a while, and…we’re going to share it with everyone else today at the picnic,” she started. “But I just wanted you to be the first one to know.” She took and squeezed Jean’s hand. “Jean and I are having a baby.”

First Baby

Marco was stuck in the birth canal for almost three minutes but slid out before the midwives could suggest kicking Jean out of the room to eject the baby in a more graphic method. He screamed loudly and kicked so hard that the midwives struggled to put a diaper on him before presenting him to his parents. Never before had Mikasa wept in elation, and never before had Jean realized how much love he could give. Everything else in the world didn’t seem to matter as much as this beautiful baby boy.

First Loss

Marco was, at times, an unpredictable child. Some days, he was like clockwork–he woke at the same time, was hungry at the same time, needed changing at the same time, went to sleep at the same time–and some days, he had different needs and tested his parents. Interestingly enough, his sleeping was also unpredictable. Some nights, he cried in the middle of the night for no reason–not even a midnight feeding. Some nights, he slept soundly through thunderstorms and that one time his mother screeched in bed.  

Jean did his best to calm his wife and care for her before he ran downstairs to use the phone, and then ran back up as soon as he hung up. He tended to her the entire time, in shock and disbelief and absolute horror, tears and sweat in his eyes because this nightmare was worse than anything he had ever experienced. Then he ran downstairs, let in the guest, and hurried her back to his bedroom. 

All that time, Marco slept on. 

The doctor asked so many questions in an effort to calm the couple, and then looked up with a crestfallen expression. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “You lost the baby.” 

Mikasa wailed into her fist and rocked back and forth. She didn’t even know she was pregnant–they hadn’t even tried, since they wanted to wait until Marco was at least two–and she lost what could have been another great source of joy for her. Jean wept, too, and calmed himself by stroking her hair and rocking her back and forth. So many lost opportunities, regardless if it was a boy or girl, the jobs, the hobbies, the grandchildren, the trouble, the bad periods… Jean kissed Mikasa’s temple and sniffed. “I don’t know how to get over it,” he whispered. 

The doctor let the couple weep and use up their tears, and then made sure that Mikasa stopped bleeding. She helped Jean change the sheets as well and then asked Mikasa about her diet and lifestyle–but nothing added up. Sometimes, bodies did not always carry full pregnancies. 

Mikasa felt like she was a child again, confident that her mother was having another baby, and to know that the baby had died with their mother in that one moment… She sniffed in Jean’s shoulder again. 

“I do have good news, though,” said the doctor. “You can still have children–I would just wait for three more months to try again.” 

Mikasa lifted her head, as did Jean. “What?” 

The doctor smiled. “Some women, after a miscarriage, they can’t get pregnant ever again, or another pregnancy kills them.” 

Jean shivered. 

“Based on your lifestyle and your previous pregnancy, you can try to conceive again after at least three months,” the doctor repeated. She smiled when the couple looked relieved and kissed each other. They could still have another baby. Hope was not lost. Yes, this loss would bother them for life, but as long as they kept living long lives to the fullest, it would not ache as much.

First Girl

Sasha was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and did not breathe for her first five minutes of life. She admired her parents, hated potatoes, played with a doll that had belonged to her namesake, always received a pretty dress from her grandmother, and was afraid of the Yeagerists.

First Crime

She studied the crowd with blurred, bruised eyes. She listened to the man to her left recount her crimes and explain why she had been badly tortured. Her wrists were raw and still burned from the ropes, and her lungs hitched every time she took a deep breath. She tried to swallow. She watched them swing the noose in front of her and then drape over her head. 

Punishment, they declared, for disloyalty to the Yeagerists… The punishment for defiance. The noose was tight around her neck. She was going to die without saying any last words– 

Just then, she heard a familiar swipe and clink of a long sword, and then a weight pushed her out of the way without the noose. The crowd gasped as the weight carried her over the crowd. “Hurry!” cried a familiar voice, one that she had not heard in years. “Go over to the border and bring Hitch to Annie!” 

Hitch forced her swollen eyes to open, and she could see through the disguise–she could recognize that horse face anywhere. Then he dropped her onto a horse and panted. “Go!” he yelled. Hitch immediately, though in disbelief, processed that she was embracing her old roommate from behind and clung to Annie as the horse galloped away from the Yeagerists that tried to hang her for her “betrayal”--having a change of heart, becoming a secret agent for the Queen and the Alliance. She was tired of years of empty threats that never came to fruition, and she slowly hated the notion of children becoming involved and fighting on the streets. With help from the Alliance, Annie and the other ambassadors were able to secure Hitch asylum in Hizuru. 

Once they escaped the crowds, but not before kicking Rico in the face hard enough to make blood fly, Jean pulled his wife into an empty alley and removed the mask from over the top half of his face and head. “We did it,” he whispered. 

“And soon they will target us,” Mikasa reminded him. “They will know that somehow we knew that Hitch began to work for the Queen…and they’ll target our children before they target us.” 

Jean cupped Mikasa’s face in his hands. “We will fight back,” he said, always the optimist when she was the pessimist. “Not today, or tomorrow, but one day. We’re Scouts–we never give up.” 

First Family Trip

Once the island faded from view, Mikasa took a deep breath and leaned against her husband’s shoulder. He rubbed her arms and concentrated on the relief they shared. It was dark that night, and the children were cranky and sleepy, but they and Connie managed to board a steamship ahead of schedule. They knew that the Yeagerists would piece together their rule in Hitch’s escape, so the earlier they fled, the safer they would be. The Queen, as before, protected Jean’s parents so the couple could ensure that the entire family was not going into hiding as they rushed to Hizuru for a peace conference–and for Mikasa to learn more of her heritage. 

The family missed breakfast the next day, but Kiyomi welcomed them in Hizuru with Armin and Annie at her side; Reiner and Pieck would join within a week. Kiyomi greeted Jean, doted on how big Marco and Sasha were growing, and embraced Mikasa with open arms. Then they hurried to the undisclosed location where the family would stay for their tenure in Hizuru, with the tightest security: In addition to the growing bump under Annie’s clothes, Mikasa admitted that she was three months pregnant with her third child. 

***

Despite the tension due to the ongoing events in Paradis, neither Mikasa nor Jean had experienced so much fun, especially with their children. Kiyomi took them, the children, Armin, Annie, Connie, Reiner, and Pieck on a boat tour around the rebuilding and famous waterfalls of the land. Then they explored a “zoo” featuring animals from all over the world, and where the zookeepers allowed Marco and Sasha to feed the animals. Marco and Sasha took painting lessons while their father was in meetings and listened to translators read aloud history books of Hizuru. Connie took Sasha out to sample desserts, and Armin and Annie walked with Marco around beautiful gardens on days when Mikasa was too tired from morning sickness. She overcame her morning sickness–and began showing–in time for the alliance to travel to Marley for another round of accords agreements. 

Two days after the Kirsten family arrived in Marley, Annie went into labor. Mr. Leonhart left to bring the midwife while Jean, Connie, Reiner, and Pieck took Marco and Sasha out to explore the city. Mikasa agreed to help Armin coach Annie through her contractions, and Hitch, who felt out of place in Hizuru but was not ready to go back to Paradis yet, kindly prepared the room for the birth with towels, boiling water, and scissors. 

Armin was nervous about Mikasa being around Annie, given the stress it would put on her unborn child, but Mikasa reassured him that her child would be safe. She explained to Annie the different stages of labor and told Armin how to motivate her to breathe–by counting between contractions. Annie squeezed Mikasa’s hand through pushes, but Mmikasa squeezed back and reminded Armin, over and over, to coach his wife into breathing until, after five hours, their little one was born. Mr. Leonhart embraced the baby with tears in his eyes, and Marco and Sasha awed over baby Arlet. Annie, on the other hand, looked at her baby with more love than she had ever given anyone, even her husband. 

The alliance threw a small party for the baby after Marco and Sasha went to bed, and Annie decided to go on hiatus until her baby was six months old; Hitch volunteered to be the “nanny” until or unless she could return to Paradis. In the end, she decided not to go back when the accords were completed, and the Kirsten family prepared to go back to deliver the baby on the island. 

The children had finished breakfast and were scrambling to change out of their pajamas, but Mikasa had dressed before so she could spend some time alone on the bow of the ship to watch the island grow bigger in view. 

She caressed the giant bump under her dress. Welcome home, little one, she mentally told her unborn. I hope that you will have a safer childhood here on this island than children before you. 

***

Zoe was born on a warm, sunny afternoon. Unlike her namesake, she was careful around what intrigued her.

First Gray

Mikasa impatiently wiped breastmilk from the top of her dress and shook her head. The smell was going to stay, and the dress needed extra washing. Of her three children, Zoe was the messiest eater. Mikasa very much looked forward to and dreaded when the time came to introduce Zoe to solid foods. 

She set down the rag and walked back to the living room, where Jean was teaching Marco to read, and Sasha was on the floor trying to teach Zoe how to roll over. Unfortunately, Marco looked up at his mother and pointed at her. “You still have some stuff in your hair,” he informed her. Jean chided him for being rude, but M thanked her son and went to the bathroom to check in the mirror. 

She wet a washcloth, ran it over the milk in her hair, and was about to toss it into the bin when she noticed that she missed a spot. Mikasa frowned and wiped at it again, but it did not come off. She used her fingers, but even that did not remove the white in her hair. She leaned forward and realized that it was not milk but a strand of gray hair. 

At that moment, the whole world around her seemed to shift. She was growing older. Her time in the world was limiting. She would have less time to spend with her children and husband. She would not be able to experience everything she wanted since she learned of the world outside the island. 

Then she heard tiny footsteps thundering her way, and she left the bathroom in time to hear Sasha complain about how Zoe was too slow to learn to roll over. Mikasa had to laugh–after all, Sasha learned to talk before she could walk, but it was the other way around for Marco, and Sasha learned to roll over before she could lift her head. Mikasa wore a mask for the rest of the day and supervised the children washing vegetables for dinner, picking up and putting away their toys, and changing into their pajamas. She nursed Zoe while Jean supervised the children brushing their teeth, cleaned up the baby’s messy chin, and put her in her crib. 

Mikasa studied the gray hair and searched her scalp for more small grays when Jean knocked on the door. “Mikasa? Are you coming to bed yet?” When she didn’t respond, Jean walked in and saw her staring at herself in the mirror. Mikasa didn’t notice him until he put his hands on her shoulders. She spun around with tears in her eyes, and Jean’s face fell. “Mika? What’s wrong?” 

Mikasa swallowed and pointed to the gray hair. “Jean…I’m graying. I’m getting older, and I–I’m…I’m losing time in my life.” 

Jean cupped his hands around her face, and the look of unconditional, pure love that he gave her with his eyes and mouth made her heart melt every time. “You’re always beautiful, Mika,” he whispered. “Don’t ever think that I will fall out of love with you because your hair turns all gray or all white–or that you’re getting older and aging.” He kissed her temple and turned around. “If I truly wanted you to look a certain way for as long as you lived…would I ask you to do this with me?” 

Mikasa watched him turn on the faucet in the bathtub and proceed to undress. Then he outstretched his hand to her, which she took, and helped her out of her clothes before they stepped into the rising warm water. Jean studied his wife’s body–stretch marks, a more fleshy midsection from three pregnancies, and flaky nipples on swollen breasts–and became teary eyed. “Mikasa, I only fall more in love with you every day, and I fall in love with you all over again in the morning. How can I not?” He cupped her face and wiped her wet cheekbones. “Remember–I will love you everyday, just as I do now, until I die.” He pulled his wife to his chest and positioned her hand over his heart. “And all I care about is that you are my partner, and that we work through good and bad to raise our children.” 

Mikasa’s eyes watered again, and she snuggled closer to her husband. Nothing, not even Zoe’s crying, could get her to move away.

First Health Scare

Zoe, at only two, was more helpful to her parents in the market, unlike Marco and Sasha, who preferred to run around and look for other children to play with, or ask for samples of cheese or pastries from vendors. While Marco and Sasha skipped to the butcher’s to taste different sausages, Jean asked Zoe to carry the bunch of celery that he bought, promising her a longer playtime in the afternoon. Zoe’s eyes sparkled, but Mikasa knew that Jean was tasking Zoe with minor assistance just so she would gradually stop sucking on her thumb. 

“Marco, Sasha!” Mikasa yelled, a bag in one arm and Zoe’s hand in hers. “Don’t run too far!” 

The children sighed and walked over to the baker’s stand to wait for their parents. They nibbled on samples of sourdough bread while their parents and sister continued with their shopping. Given their father’s good work and their mother’s notoriety as one of the best soldiers in the island’s history, everyone in the market was very friendly and looked after the Kirstein children. 

“Hey Mika,” Jean hissed. “Could we…stop for a bit? I need to sit down…” 

Mikasa watched her husband, sweating so much on a chilly day, lose all color in his face and sit down between vendors and nearly drop the bag in his arm. His hands were shaking. 

“Jean?” Mikasa knelt down and set her bag by his. “Jean? What is it…” 

Jean was hissing, but he couldn’t breathe well, and he struggled to speak. Mikasa, still holding Zoe’s arm, lifted her head. “Someone call for help!” she yelled. “Hurry! He needs a doctor!” 

As people began to step away from the young couple, Mikasa yelled for her two older children to hurry over. Marco and Sasha dashed to their mother’s side, and parents pulled away their children to give the family space, and a public carriage that was driving by rather quickly suddenly stopped. The conductor jumped off, threw open the door to the carriage, and helped Mikasa heave Jean inside. Then he encouraged the children, who were sobbing and clutching each other’s arms, inside and raced to the hospital. There the staff took J away while a doctor interrogated Mikasa about her husband’s medical history. She was patient with the woman who answered as truthfully as she could all while consoling three hysterical children who worried that they would never see their father again.

As soon as she was done, the doctor rushed to the emergency room and told Mikasa to wait outside. Mikasa shook as she used the pay phone—a true gift from Marley—to call her mother-in-law and tell her to come over immediately.  

For three hours straight, Mikasa hugged her babies and wept. Eren, she mentally prayed, if you can hear me…please save Jean. Spare him from death. You want us to live long lives…so please allow him to live until a very old age. She let the tears fall and rocked her children as calmly as she could. 

*** 

Mikasa didn’t realize that she fell asleep until she sensed a presence in front of her. It was the doctor. “Ma’am?” she whispered. “You are his wife, correct?”  

Mikasa briefly checked on her children. Zoe was asleep against her shoulder, with her tiny arms around Mikasa’s neck, and Marco and Sasha were curled fetal position on the bench. She nodded at the doctor, who informed her that Jean was alive and in stable condition; he could probably return home in a day or two. They were still trying to find a cause for the heart attack, but so far recommended that Jean rest in bed for a few days and refrain from strenuous activities for at least a month. 

The doctor looked down at the children sleeping around their mother. “When they wake up, you can see him,” she added.  

Mikasa smiled at her children and propped Zoe’s head onto her shoulder. “Marco, Sasha, wake up,” she hissed with gentle shakes on their shoulders. They whined and rubbed their eyes. “Keep your voices down,” she added. “Let’s see Papa.” 

Marco’s and Sasha’s eyes widen, and they hopped off the bench to follow Mikasa into the hospital room. Jean was awake, and his smile upon seeing Mikasa and the children was something she wanted to remember every day for life. He kissed their foreheads and the back of Zoe’s head as she slept, and then pulled in Mikasa for a long kiss. He reassured Marco and Sasha that he was not dying; it was just something very scary, but as long as he kept eating well, limited how much he drank, avoided cigarettes and cigars, and did not sit around all day, he would have less trips to the hospital. Marco and Sasha nodded and talked about the pastries and meat and cheese they ate at the market until Jean’s mother came in. She embraced her son, kissed her grandchildren, and stayed until visiting hours ended, after which she and Mikasa reluctantly left. 

As Mikasa had tucked the children into bed, Mama Kirsten opened the door and saw that the knocking was from Austin, a little boy from the neighborhood and one of Marco’s classmates. He saw that Mikasa left behind her bag of food at the market, so he took it home to hold on to until she came back; some of the tomatoes were ruined, so he asked his parents to replace them and not have Mikasa and Jean pay them back. When Mama Kirsten told Mikasa, Mikasa had a sense of relief that not all children were doomed. Yes, the mindset of the Yeagerists still plagued many children, but then there were those parents who were raising their children differently, to be good neighbors and live for peace, not power. “You and my son raised your children good,” Mama Kirstein reassured her. “You should be proud.” 

Mikasa took her mother-in-law’s hand over their teacups and squeezed. “I’m always proud. I just hope that I will continue to be prouder when they grow into adults.” 

Mama Kirstein’s smile widened. “Then continue to use this time–their time as children–wisely. Every day they live and learn, there’s no going back.” She watched Mikasa nod and smile at her wise words.

First In-Law

Mikasa considered herself fortunate to have a wonderful ally and mentor so that she would have strong feelings, but every day she seemed to miss her mother-in-law even more. Mrs. Kirstein had died only eight years before, but it was still hard to process losing another mother figure. She had lost two mothers but never a mother-in-law who still taught her something every time they saw each other. As much as she tried to apply everything she learned from her own mother and Carla to her own children, she also took into account the kind of woman that Jean’s mother had been, and the mother-in-law that she wanted to be. 

Marco must have noticed, for he flexed his arm that she clutched. “Mama,” he whispered, “don’t worry.” 

Mikasa dabbed her wet cheeks but smiled as she walked with him, taking in the smiles from her husband, their daughters, and young men she had watched grow up. Then she kissed Marco’s cheek before she joined her husband. It seemed so long ago that he was born, that she and Jean took him to visit the grave for the first time, that he took a solo trip to Hizuru. Time was too fast for Mikasa to process. 

Just then, the music started playing. As if they were on the same wavelength, Mikasa, Jean, and the guests stood up and turned around in time to see Marissa and her father step into view. Mikasa’s eyes burned with tears. Marissa looked so beautiful in white, and the Kirstein jewels–which Mikasa had gifted to her the night before, as Mama Kirstein had for her–only complimented Marissa’s appearance. Marissa, however, only had eyes for Marco at the altar. Only when Marissa approached her fiance did Mikasa see that her baby boy was sobbing harder than he ever did as a child, and then Mikasa started crying because she could feel how happy he was. He might not have been a baby for years, but the motherly instinct and connection remained strong. She could even feel how joyful Sasha and Zoe felt, wiping their own cheeks and hiding half of their faces behind their bouquets. 

Marco and Marissa pledged their lives to each other, but only when they kissed did the tears flow–not just because of joy, but because she truly felt the reward of her sacrifice and of her putting her life on the line for the island. 

***

The reception, one of the most fun that Mikasa and Jean had ever been to, consisted of people they have met and collected over the years. The alliance met and danced with Marco’s former schoolteachers and the grown orphans whom Mikasa helped raise. Mikasa and Jean introduced Hitch to Austin, Marco’s best man, and his family, and Marco’s friends from Hizuru. Historia’s daughter challenged Armin and Annie’s son to a tap dance round, which she sorely lost. 

When it was time to give speeches, Mikasa spoke about welcoming Marissa into the family with open arms and how proud she was of the man that Marco had grown to become; Jean said that he knew that he had done right as a father from seeing how Marco not only treated Marissa, but also how he picked someone who was as good for him as he was for her. Then Sasha and Zoe giggled through their speeches to their brother and new sister-in-law, and then Marissa’s parents gushed over how glad they were to welcome Marco as another son into their family.  

“We did good,” Jean whispered with a kiss to her ear. “I knew that you would be an amazing mother–and now look at the adults our children have grown up into.” 

Mikasa, however, still thought of her late mother-in-law and how happy she was to have her as a third mother figure. Now, as she watched Marco dance with his bride, Zoe feed her fiancé cubes of cheese, and Sasha laugh in the arms of her boyfriend, she felt less mournful and more excited to be as great a mother-in-law as her own had been, and to watch her children’s continuing evolution. 

First Grandchild

Age was slowly catching up with them. Neither Mikasa nor Jean remembered the first signs that their bodies were weakening, but once Jean’s back started to ache when he walked or stood, and Mikasa’s hip flared in pain for no reason at times, the discomforts only seemed to spread and grow, and even reopen old wounds from their past. They managed to hide it from their children for a while, but any time one of them felt too stiff or unable to move, they reflected on Jean’s parents in the last years of their lives–the canes, the extra support, the winces, the groans, the hisses, and the constant fear that one day, one of them would fall and never be able to get up. 

Death was not quite upon them yet, they knew, but they knew that it was closer since they cheated out of an early demise years ago. Death was not quite upon them yet, so they made the full use of the lives they still had. 

For all the cruelty that the world was full of, as Mikasa knew, the world was also of beauty, from nature to small miracles. She said that all the time to her children as they grew up and complained about minor injustices and major disappointments. She suspected that she would say that to her grandchildren. As it turned out, it was the first thing she said to her very first grandchild. 

She remembered being with Sasha when her daughter went into labor, and Sasha spent the entire trip to the hospital panicking that her husband would not make it into the delivery room on time. Mikasa stayed with her daughter throughout the labor, held her hands, hummed to her the lullaby that lured her and her siblings to sleep when they were babies, and coached her into breathing and stretching. Fortunately, her son-in-law made it right in time for Sasha to begin pushing. Mikasa was so fixated on her daughter’s well-being that only when she heard the first cries did it occur to her that she was now a grandmother. 

She lived to embrace a title that her own mother never could.  

When she first peeked at the tiny red face, her eyes burning with tears as she recalled all of the people she lost and the opportunity they could never have, she whispered, “Welcome to the world. It is both cruel and beautiful.” 

She said that every time that she embraced her granddaughter, just as she had reflected on them that night. The world was still cruel, but few things were as beautiful as watching Jean, despite the wheezing and the knees that burned every time he walked down the stairs, bottle feeding their granddaughter. Little Ashly’s eyelids fluttered to the pattern of her grandfather’s rocking, the way he rocked her mother, aunt, and uncle. It felt like old times, feeding a crying baby, but without the stress of putting the older child–then children–back to bed. For a moment, they felt like they were taken back to when it was just them and Marco, back when they were excited but also extremely stressed new parents who had no idea whether they should follow Jean’s parents’ parenting advice or learn on their own. In that time, Mikasa and Jean had grown wiser, and their relationship had grown stronger. The heartache from their past no longer tormented them as it used to. 

When Ashly stopped eating, Jean propped her onto his shoulder and patted her warm back. She barely resisted and was quick to belch. Mikasa chuckled and held out her arms for her granddaughter. It was a warm night, and embracing Ashly always made her sweat, but she never missed an opportunity to hug the little one, her newest love. She hummed to Ashly even after she had fallen asleep and hugged her for twenty more minutes. Then she reluctantly put Ashly back in the crib, joined her husband back at the kitchen table, and wheezed now that she could no longer exhale. They chatted about their new source of happiness and their hopes that she would grow up to be as great as, if not greater than, her parents, aunt, and uncle. 

Nevertheless, Mikasa always felt wistful when she looked at her first grandchild. She remembered wondering, especially back after Marco was born, what kind of child she was and yearning for the innocent life she lived as that little girl in the cabin. Now, she wanted to spend her final days, months, years in pride about the life she lived after she thought she lost everything.

First Morning Without

Jean started to wake up from a heavy, bittersweet dream. He dreamt that Mikasa was dying, and that he had called his children, their spouses, and the grandchildren, who all arrived within two hours. Luckily, the grandchildren–four beautiful darlings, two little boys and two little girls–were on their best behavior and calmly, though tearfully, kissed their grandmother. Then the in-laws led the children downstairs to “play” and give their spouses time alone with their mother. 

Mikasa wept as she conversed with her husband and children. She loved them, and she was so scared to leave behind those she loved most. She gripped Jean’s hand as tightly as she could, and he reassured her that she had not lost her Ackerman strength even in old age. 

“You’ve lived a good life, Mom,” Zoe whispered to her. “Very few people have done as much, or are even as brave as you… You’re a hero.” She brushed Mikasa’s hair from her forehead and quickly dabbed at her own dripping nose. 

Marco and Sasha agreed. “We’re so fortunate that you’re our mother,” added Sasha. “Think of all you’ve done in your life–and look at the reward: a new chance at family. And you always say how proud you are of us.”

Mikasa nodded with tears. “I am, sweetheart,” she whispered. “You have been incredible children, and you are amazing adults and parents…”

“We couldn’t have done it, or be where we are now without you, Mom,” said Marco. “You gave life another chance.” 

Mikasa nodded along. Then Jean rubbed up her arm. “I love you so much, Mika,” he whispered. He reached forward and wrapped the scarf–the one material item she held onto since her youth–tighter around her shoulders. “As much as I already miss you…think of all the people we have lost and missed for years, and how…” He stopped and sniffed but didn’t wipe his eyes. “Think…you will get to see them again, people we have missed for over fifty years…” 

Mikasa’s eyes widened, and then she beamed. “Thank you, Jean…for being there for me when I needed you…for–for wrapping this scarf tighter around me…when I needed it.” She knew what her children were thinking–that they owed their entire existence to one man they never met, who led her to healing and love with an old friend–and that their father had been a great source of comfort to her in the years leading up to that moment. She gazed into their three faces and turned her head so she could see Jean’s face as well. “Thank you all…for being my family… I love you all…”

Then Jean woke up and saw his wife lying in front of him, her eyes closed, a peaceful smile on her lips. Her chest didn’t rise. Then he remembered that it wasn’t a dream, nor was the sobbing or the cries from his children as they left the room to give him space. He remembered how the world seemed to shift at that moment, when he had to let her go and live the remainder of his life without the partner he loved for years, who brought him as much happiness as he gave her. 

He knew that their children were sleeping in their childhood bedrooms with their spouses and children, so before they could wake up and the in-laws would cook breakfast to make him, his children, and the grandchildren eat, he kissed her cheek, pushed himself up, and opened the window the way she liked to wake him up on beautiful mornings.

The sunlight and breeze kissed the tear stains on Jean’s face. Say hello to the suicidal maniac for me, please, he prayed. 

***

Mikasa let him rock her back and forth in his arms, tearlessly sobbing in joy and grief. “I’m so glad you lived a long, happy life,” Eren whispered to her. He must have known that she was also grieving, for he added, “You will see them again…but for now, let them live their long lives.”

[driftward]

Title: FFXIV Write 2024 - 1. Steer Characters: Rating: Teen Summary: Is reality destiny? Notes: None

Infinite possibilities, in infinite permutations.

Massive concentric rings surrounded her, golden with symbols inscribed upon them, each rotating and spinning on its own axis, yet sharing space and movement with the others. Spheres floated among and between them, drifting, mapping paths, charting probabilities, a guide to every possibility in every permutation. A guide not to reality, but to infinities.

That was the easy part.

Figuring out how to direct it, that was the hard part.

Zoissette sighed, looking over her calculations. She touched a hand to the central control dais, and uploaded her latest work. Immediately the air above it lit up, as thread paths traced through time, probabilities sparkling like stars in their wake, starting from nothing and expanding out, some collapsing again.

She sighed again, watching as it ran. Already too long.

"I thought I might find you here."

Zoissette turned, to see Y'shtola floating effortlessly into the space, drifting downward, carefully avoiding the rings as they spun and the spheres as they orbited. She touched down gently, and walked forward, looking up to see the results of Zoissette's latest calculation.

Zoissette turned to face her, sagging against the control dais, and smiled tiredly at her. She may have been exhausted, but Y'shtola was ever prim, proper, the very image of a cultured and well put together scientist.

She herself probably looked a mess right this moment. But, they took turns, didn't they? Zoissette had fond memories of tucking a blanket around Y'shtola's shoulders as she drooled slightly on notes still unfinished and passages yet to be read.

Y'shtola lifted a hand into the twinkling cloud of computation, disrupting it as she pointed at the cluster of end states. "These should be highlighted, should they not?"

"Yes, I know, I know," groaned Zoissette, wiping her hand across the control surface and erasing the trace. "I am testing new axiom paths with my predictor."

"You might come to bed. A well rested mind would be better able to handle these puzzles you set yourself to, I would think."

Zoissette sat back, slouching in her chair, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. She felt warm hands on her shoulders, and thumbs begin to press into her back. "I still cannot make an algorithm that can predict which threads will self sustain and which will fail early. And if I run the simulations, sometimes I can watch as threads fail, but not see how."

Y'shtola fingers gripped the top of her shoulders, and Zoissette clenched her teeth and hissed gently as a thumb found a particularly knotted sore spot.

"I mean, I know how to make threads that I know for certain will terminate and how, but... there seems hardly any point to trying to run those. If the outcome is already predetermined, we do not learn anything from it that we cannot learn just from looking at it."

"If this were easy, we would not have a star mathematician working so diligently on it."

"Nor wasting your time and talents."

"I am here because I wish to be. You know this well."

"I know."

Y'shtola's fingers stopped, and Zoissette felt a kiss on her forehead, and she smiled.

"Alright," said Zoissette, sitting up. "You have convinced me."

"Ah, if only 'twas always so simple."

"I am not that bad."

"Not always."

Zoissette just huffed, as she put both hands on the control surface, and pushed it down gently. The rings around her slowed, the spheres gradually halting their orbits. She got up, and let Y'shtola take her hand, and they both began to walk to the edge of the platform, but Zoissette stopped, to look back.

"Something the matter?" asked Yshtola.

"What if we are the result of a machine like this?"

"This again? You worry overmuch about that."

"Ryss seems to think it likely."

"Ryssthota is also like to use her time on the machine tomorrow to see if she can generate threads that will combine with other threads to create a thread-destroying cataclysmic combination or some other such nonsense. She sees further than most, but as a result, does not always fully think through the consequences of the same."

"I just... I guess I am just wondering."

Zoissette looked down at Y'shtola's hand in hers. "If we are the result of such a machine, are we one of the predetermined threads? Or are we in one of the threads, running wild and free, to who knows what destiny?"

Y'shtola looked up at Zoissette, and smiled. She reached up, standing on her toes, to cup a hand to Zoissette's cheek, and look deep into her eyes.

"Know this," she said. "I believe full heartedly that whatever has happened to us, we chose this. I chose this. I fought for this. I fought for you, to have you at my side and to be by yours. What matters the opinion of destiny? Gravity seemed inevitable, too, until our people touched the stars."

Her eyes wrinkled with a touch of mischievousness. "As though any prediction could defy my will."

Zoissette reached up a hand, and touched Y'shtola's hand, and smiled back, tiredly. "Awfully sentimental of you."

"Perhaps. You do bring out the best in me, after all."

They lingered, until the moment passed. And then they began to walk together again, hand in hand, towards the edge of the platform, to their beds, to their rest.

"I suppose," said Zoissette, "I hope that in any thread where there is a recognizable you, and someone that is a recognizable me... I hope we always at least find one another."

"Gravity may not be inevitable," said Y'shtola, "But it pulls nonetheless. I hope for much the same."

"Is that not destiny?" asked Zoissette.

Y'shtola just smiled as they vanished off the edge of the platform, passing into the space beyond.

"Inevitability need not be destiny," she said. "I shall always chart mine own course."

In the space of the machine beyond the edge of reality, there was silence.

[sophiaforevs]

Between the early cancellation of Discovery, Seven/Raffi and Mariner/Jenn being erased in their respective shows, and SNW having queer coded characters but not confirming anything on screen, I'm really afraid that we're entering another "No Gays in Trek" era.

For those who don't know, 90s era star trek featured so few queer characters b/c Rick Berman largely held a policy of not wanting any homosexuality in his shows. And yes, we all remember the handful of episodes that slipped through that addressed it but the fact remains that there were no canonically queer main cast members before Into Darkness in 2016 gave us a five second shot that could be cut when whoever was showing the movie found the idea of two men in a loving relationship disgusting.

Then we got Discovery with multiple queer characters that allowed people to feel seen. And people never stopped bitching about them. The amount of times that I've had to listen to people complain that Adira's only character trait is that they're non-binary despite that literally being a single thirty second scene and never brought up again makes me understand that they very likely don't want to like the queer characters in that show. And it's not that there aren't criticisms to be made about the queer representation in Disco: Discovery Buries it's Gays before the end of the first season. Making your trans characters aliens who already have a history of gender fuckery is problematic b/c it somewhat plays into the idea that queerness is unnatural for human beings. But I never hear those complaints. Only the pronouns. Only the "We get it you're gay but don't shove it down our throats." But I don't want to get too off topic.

Now Discovery is being canceled early. And by early I mean, the writers weren't given proper notice that their show was ending. They were halfway through production and allowed to adjust the end episodes of the season to try to give a satisfying ending.

In Picard and Lower Decks, we got two sapphic relationships ("sapphic" meaning a romantic or sexual relationship between two women who aren't necessarily strictly lesbians) and they were pretty good. People had been asking for Seven to be queer and Jeri Ryan had been playing her as such since her introduction (see again: Rick Berman) and to see her finally get to express that was really healing. Mariner got off to rocky feet when the creators tried to pull a "Dumbledore is gay" where they said she was bi but didn't commit to it, but they she actually got a fairly satisfying relationship in season 3.

But in their most recent seasons, both were completely written out. Seven/Raffi gave us no explanation beyond that they "broke up." They went out of their way to keep them from being on screen together for most of the season. Mattis said in a Reddit AMA that he wanted Seven to be captain and Raffi to be first officer at the end of the season and that Starfleet would have regulations against relationships between the two despite the biggest reason Seven was promoted to captain was that she was a rule breaker. We didn't even get that much for Mariner/Jennifer. Jenn just wasn't in this season except for two background appearances.

And in Strange New Worlds there's just… nothing. SNW is the most recent new show and there's no queer representation. They code Ortegas as gay but don't actually confirm it on screen. There's just… nothing.

And this is how you loose the culture war. The bigots make enough noise that the show that is supposed to be a beacon of diversity doesn't necessarily side with them but they just kinda bow out of the conversation. They decide that it's easier to not bother than to take a stand. And so I and many many queer star trek fans are left wondering:

Does the franchise even want us any more?

[palmviolet]

top 5 books you've ever read (no genre distinction)

LOVE this question. spent a whole day stewing over it. i'm afraid i'm experiencing heavy recency bias here and there will also have to be some honourable mentions. but let's go (in no particular order)

brokeback mountain by annie proulx. now. when i tell you i could talk about this story (later published as its own book, originally published in the new yorker sans prologue (which was deliberate, thank you, wikipedia, i have Been to the Archives and i Know) and then published in the collection close range) for literal hours, i mean it. i wrote a prize-winning essay on it during my masters, examining its drafting process and what that process itself implies about queer temporality and the value of the unsaid against the great big american myths of rural frontier masculinity that don't match up to a modern world (or any world at all). if anyone wants a more detailed post on this i would Love to talk about it more. but for now, please go read this book. it's utterly transformative and maybe the best queer work of fiction i've ever read.

house of leaves by mark z. danielewski. EXTREMELY different vibe from proulx, oh boy. this is where i out myself as a postmodernist with a great enthusiasm for the big 'bros' of the scene - pynchon, delillo, later franzen and foster wallace. house of leaves is really a post-postmodern work, which is my favourite sort (i suppose a recent example would be no one is talking about this by patricia lockwood) in that its examination of literary artifice and the unreality of the world leads not towards ironic futility but to something even approaching optimism, ie. the new sincerity. this is not to say that house of leaves is a feel good work, oh no. oh boy. it's absolutely bonkers and utterly compelling, and you get a lot of weird looks when you have to use your phone camera as a mirror to understand bits of it on a packed flight into jfk. it combines two of my favourite things: postmodernism and horror. it's perfect.

in the dream house by carmen maria machado. i wrote my master's dissertation on this and it's utterly beautiful. it interacts with fiction and genre in a transformative way — and i use that in the OTW sense, the henry jenkins participatory culture sense, yes i did essentially write my masters dissertation about fanfic. machado's memoir is so interesting as a work of resistance to and celebration of genre — the media that has erased her as a queer woman suffering domestic violence, the media that she loves.

slaughterhouse five by kurt vonnegut. yes, there had to be another postmodernist on this list. i've read a lot of his work now and it's always brilliant, but this is his most famous for a reason. engages with war, temporality, and nihilism in such a moving and memorable way. there's a reason a vonnegut reference (so it goes) creeps into everything i write

lolita by vladimir nabokov. yeah, i'm including the Discourse Book. please feel free to unfollow me. a lot of eloquent writing already exists out there on why this novel is genius, so i'll settle on saying as a technical achievement it's utterly insurmountable, as an indictment of american consumer culture it's unparalleled, and as a moral object it makes a lot of people very uncomfortable, which means it's working.

you have no idea how close i was to putting infinite jest on this list. but you asked for the best books i've ever read, not my favourites... and infinite jest is ridiculously flawed. so.

honourable mentions go to: the grapes of wrath (john steinbeck), nevada (imogen binnie), the silmarillion (tolkien), and catch 22 (joseph heller).

thank you for the ask!

[verosvault]

🚨SPOILERS FOR FANTASY HIGH JUNIOR YEAR EPISODE 8🚨

Dimension20 "Fantasy High Junior Year"

Episode 8 "Fracas at the Frostyfaire Folk Festival"

Timestamp: 39:40

Video Length: 4min. & 23sec.

Research into Cassandra and Ruvina + Learning about Oblivati Mori (Pt.1 | Pt.2 | ‣Pt.3)

Brennan: "But that would mean that if someone was able to write it, they would know it, but they would have to have a way of writing it without breaking Obliviati Mori. There's two pieces of information you guys can glean from that right away, the first of which is that belief and worship and the weird, tenuous alliances between gods where some of them are from the same region but have conflicting domains, and some gods have the same domain as other gods but are still ascendent in different areas or for different kinds of cultures or anything like that, all the gods have this agreement that is basically like, for lack of a better word, we're all playing the game, and if your fucking buddy or your pal or someone you love loses fair and square, you're not allowed to go to your mortal worshipers and say, "Hey, can we peel off a few followers to my buddy who's having a hard time right now?" It's basically like a law of, you are not allowed to root for each other. You are not allowed to pull for each other. You're not allowed to put a thumb on the scale in that way. If your flocks choose to have you work together, you can work together, but when a god dies, that's it. You're not allowed to cheat by reminding mortals that there was this other deity."

Siobhan: "But if we went and asked another deity about this god, would they then be able to tell us? Or would we have to specifically say their name?"

Brennan: "According to Obliviati Mori, they would not be able to tell you. But the law is a law, which immediately to you, Adaine, would tell you, well, any rule has ways of working around it."

Siobhan: "Ok, Great. So it's a law, but laws can be broken."

Brennan: "Yeah. And there might be enormous arcane penalties for so doing, but effectively, you know that there are dead gods. There are rules concerning how the other gods can refer to those dead gods to mortals, if they are even allowed to. And to a certain degree... But again, the second, biggest thing is, of course, this wouldn't be a thing unless gods could always remember dead gods."

Siobhan: "Mhmm."

Zac: "So do we have a sense of, when Lydia and her crew were on this mission, they never knew the name of this god, right? Or did they at one point know it?"

Brennan: "Lydia can confirm for you, she's like,"

Lydia: "We never knew the name of the god. We knew Bakur, the fiend, but-"

Fig: "Even though gods can't say the name, the name could still exist out there in texts."

Lydia: "Exactly, which is why a lot of, you know, if a god is trying to be crushed or scoured, you try to break their idols, erase their texts, burn the holy texts, all that kind of thing. But theoretically, if we had found the name written somewhere on text, that would have done it.

Fabian: "Then it makes sense why Cassandra said that thing about being like, I thought you were dead."

Fig: "I thought you were dead."

*multiple "yeah's" at the table* 😂🤣💀

Fabian: "Mm~."

Riz: "So if you had to get around it, maybe a way to do it would be to possess someone or something. Is it possible that Lucy..."

Fig: "Was possessed?"

Riz: "...was possessed?"

Fig: "All the Rat Grinders are suspiciously qui-. No one's grieving Lucy or anything like that."

Adaine: "Yeah, it's weird, right?"

Fig: "So the Rat Grinders are in on this, in some capacity. And I even think it's possible that, the way that Ivy reacted to me, either she saw through my disguise and so she was being cheeky, or Lucy's around somehow and they've just found another way to proselytize-"

Fabian: "Oh-! Maybe- Yes! 'Cause she did beckon to you, right? To be like-"

Fig: "Yeah, she was like, 'Oh- Okay, we're meeting up.'"

Fabian: "Ooo~ Yes, like a possession thing, where somebody's, the god is Lucy and- and-"

Murph: "What happened to that armor after Gilear had it?"

Emily: "What happened with the armor?"

Brennan: "He'd stolen it from Hell, and he just returned it to you when you guys got back from spring break."

Emily: "Where is it?"

Murph: "So, it just should be in Hell?"

Brennan: "Yeah, the Armor of Pride is back in the Hall of the Armors of Sin."

Murph: "Okay."

Brennan: "So the Armor of Pride is just down in Hell."

Emily: "And all the demons are archfey are fallen deities?"

Brennan: "Unclear. Some great celestials and fiends are created by gods in their status as celestials or fiends. Bakur was created by a god that he could no longer name, right, and so there's certain- But it looks like some divinities, some archfey or some celestials or some things like that, are gods who, their worship is waning and waning and waning or their divinity is waning and waning and waning, and they just make a decision to, rather than face death, become something that relies a little bit less on faith."

[themonsterblogofmonsters]

Thanks for the slide-rock bolter stuff. On another note, and forgive me if you’ve already explained this to someone else, which gods in general would you consider most likely to be especially powerful wixes in the Harry Potter universe and which ones in general would you believe to be magical animals/creatures?

That would vary entirely depending on the story I was trying to tell and the relevance of god impersonation to the story. I've seen some fics which like to claim all gods were just wizards and/or creatures, and a few which claim they're amalgams of multiple wixes over many years but...

I think it's boring if every god was just a person or animal,

I think that risks claiming that certain faiths were based on a lie, in much the same way that excluding a culture from magical creatures risks the implication that their mythic figures "aren't real" compared to those of Western cultures. Like I've seen this more done with ancient and/or indigenous faiths, with often an exception made for Christianity due to Jesus' resurrection and how "no magic can reverse death", which is just... feels a bit evangelical to me, and I don't care for that, personally. And lastly,

I think that ignores just how many versions of gods there were? There were multiple forms of Aphrodite just within Greece, for example, and Dionysus changed over time. There were innumerable localised versions of Zeus. You could use these local interpretations to reinforce the idea that the gods were just various people sharing the job but... I think that's a bit shallow.

There's a very good video by OceanKeltoi - came out recently actually, wonderful timing, DracoLeon - about Mythic Literalism in Norse Paganism. The idea is that, sure, the myths talk about the gods walking about and meeting people, but that is a story and was likely a story even to most people who believed in those gods! Sure, the clouds are giant brains in Norse myth, but that doesn't mean that people actually believed that the clouds were Ymir's brains.... but they still believed in the gods.

People aren't stupid. People have had ideas of magic for basically ever. There is a distinction in multiple cultures between what gods do and what mortal magicians do; I think muggles would be able to tell if their "god" was doing magic the same way the old lady down the hill did!

While I think wixes may have impersonated gods at various points and for various reasons, there's also just... magicians and wizards and sorcerers and mystics and witches and seers and oracles in multiple myths and legends. We know that both still exist in HP - Circe and Cliodna sharing names with gods (minor goddess and goddess respectively), yes, but also Merlin who's just a cool wizard. And in myth, Circe was a relative of Medea, a mortal sorceress.

So I think it's more likely that for the most part priesthoods for gods were magical, and thus gave credence to the existence of the god by casting magic appropriate to the deity's domains. Occasionally, one of those priests may have then impersonated a god to deliver a message, or for political reasons, and certain minor gods may just be based on especially notable wixes (Circe, for example) and then grown into a tall tale. One could then say that every god was at some point impersonated by a wizard... but I don't think that any gods were only and exclusively wizards or creatures.

Because, even within the magical world, there's the inexplicable. The power of love, shielding Harry. Grims in canon are implied to not actually exist, but be largely a superstition that is deadly more due to belief than anything real. Luna's creatures are just made up - but she and Xeno seek them for the mystery. Even the magical world has mysteries.

And people want to explain them! Most myths, especially creation myths, are people trying to understand how the world came into being and how it works, and I don't think magic would necessarily erase that! It'd just mean wixes are more likely to go "well obviously everything was made by a really big wizard" rather than just "a really big person".

Like... outside opinion maybe, but I do think there are magicals of faith. I don't like the fanon "mother magic" idea, and I'm sorry, I studied archaeology and history and just... modern paganism was recreated up by later theorists, and the idea of an ancient witch cult is pure invention - I highly doubt there would be somehow extant pagan wix cults (and if there were I highly doubt they'd so closely resemble modern Wicca as magical faith seems to in certain fics), especially because the religious syncretism throughout Europe happened long before the statute. There is a ghostly Friar at Hogwarts! There are wizards who were courtesans (The Elizabethan Malfoy ancestor; Nearly Headless Nick) who would likely have been Christian and attended church services at court! I think there are Christian wixes, and Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Zoroastrian-

And I think they may have some slightly different texts to the non-magical versions of the faiths (which themselves vary so much within themselves!) but... people like having something to believe in. It's why even though we figured out the big bang, that hasn't stopped people from believing in gods.

This all to say:

I think you could make an argument that every god was impersonated by a wix at some point, but the connection of those impersonations to the myth may be nothing at all.

It is also very likely that some gods were invented long before any wix impersonated them.

It's also possible that some gods were based on muggles...

and that others were based on inexplicable phenomena.

At the end, it should always depend on the story you want to tell, and the relevance of the idea to that plot.

Also, I highly recommend that OceanKeltoi video. It's a very good look at ways to approach both reconstruction of historic faiths, and how we often kind of implicitly assume people in the past weren't as clever as people today.