#I might be too sensitive about this but I think it’s good practice to idk… respect your friends interests?

[athetos]

It’s not world-ending but one thing that irks me is when I show a friend an extreme metal song I love and they just say “it all sounds the same/like noise, I don’t get it.” I’m perfectly fine with the I don’t get it part, there’s genres I’m not a huge fan of obviously, and yeah, heavy metal is abrasive, that’s kind of the point. I also don’t expect someone to understand the insane variety in metal; while all subgenres typically have downtuned guitars and harsh vocals, that’s kind of where the similarities end. No, the thing that bothers me is that it comes off as rude and dismissive. There’s plenty of ways to say you don’t personally care for a song without being negative. For me, my go to is “not something I’d go out of my way to listen to, but I can see why you like it.” Because there is something there that my friend enjoys, and when I listen, I try to find one or two of those things. I like understanding why people are drawn to certain types of music.

(Also, if you say those things about rap, you kinda sorta might be racist. Please reflect on that.)

[lookinghalfacorpse]

/dsmp /rp

cuddling with dream and the many possibilities, scenarios, and obstacles you may encounter. don't let him read this. a guide by technoblade.

i'm about to blow your minds with how complex this is. i'm a master at my art (sleeping), alright? i'm an experienced craftsman (at sleeping), i perform at my best in all locations (with naps, mostly) (yes, even in the obsidian box), and i'm very good at cuddling. i'm practically built for it. i would never, ever think about writing a guide about how to cuddle with philza minecraft (or anyone else, really), but this squirmy little guy is different.

-the best approach is the Sudden Drop. walk over to him, no matter what he's doin, and just drop onto him and stay there. spare no body weight. he'll probably think it's a bit funny, and that's why it's the best one. he's more likely to humor something if it's a good bit, and having a giant piglin treat you like a sofa cushion is a GREAT bit. he'll laugh.

-(the second best approach is when he's upset or panicking or crying, and you can see him grabbing onto himself. normally that means... idk, that he wants held? Or he wants to hold something? i'll sit down, slowly, and wrap 'im up. he'll latch onto me. hard. fingers twisting my fur-- the whole nine yards)

-otherwise, he's shy with his hands. a few times now, i've grabbed his hands and put them somewhere on me because he was just, like, hovering them awkwardly. like, cmon, man. i'm laying my whole body on you, what part of your hands do you think is gonna bother me.

-but, come to think of it, sometimes he's afraid of my hands, too. if i move them in the middle of the night. if i lay them somewhere sensitive, like his sides or the small of his back.

-another scenario: he might approach me, too. i thought it'd never happen. you know that feeling with the stray dog is finally close enough to sniff your hand and you stay super still so you don't scare it? That's how i felt. he normally just walks over and leans on my shoulder, and i still can't tell if that's all he wants or if he's asking me for a better cuddle. more experimentation is needed here.

-location is key! in all scenarios, near the wall is best. i think of myself as a secondary wall and kinda close him in- if sam were lookin', he'd only see me.

-(he's so little. he's SO little. was he always this thin? i'm gonna crush the kid.)

-expect the unexpected. sometimes he'll hit you. sometimes he'll start to cry, and sometimes that means you need to let him go, and sometimes that means you need to hold tighter. it's complicated. but everyone needs it, especially dudes bein tortured in a box, so it's worth the effort.

-(sometimes i need it, too. i'll admit it, i'm scared.)

[detectivebambam]

use this ask to dump all of ur andrew headcanons if u so choose <3 (biting him biting him biting him)

AAAA I LOVE YOU

putting a tw now bc idk what i might get into with him

he was a really shy little kid, but the people he bonded with (john, a special victims agent from Cali, especially) he was very excitable around. he reminds me of Ducky from The Land Before Time

(a little nsfw bc of course) he has superr sensitive skin. all it takes is Neil running his fingers up and down his thighs and calling him pretty for him to lose it

^ praise kink 😋

likes to cuddle but it feels so unsafe that he only does it with Neil. eventually he grows comfortable enough with Kevin, and even Aaron, to steal their laps (and maybe even take a nap)

i took the designated nap time from the EC and ran with it. boy loves his naps. he wakes up, eats breakfast, naps, goes to practice, takes a shower, naps, eats dinner, goes to bed

chubby tummy! i don't think he's overweight per se? but all that ice cream and negative cardio means big muscles and a soft tummy

he has ARFID and BPD. i see so much of me in him, and also, everything in the books and EC that leads me to believe these things

he bonks his head against people he likes to show affection. Wymack's arm gets severely bruised 😔✊

there was a post somewhere about Andrew being deaf in one ear from the car accident. it might've been from my friend @broken-heart-raven-queen ? or @bisexual-chaos-demon but I'm not positive. i know i reblogged it. anyway, i am deaf in one ear too, so i decided it was canon 😌

smokes weed in the off season because it helps calm him down, and makes him forget some stuff

another nsfw: he whines when he bottoms, idc

a lot of people like to foster kids for free house and child care, so i imagine he's very good with kids, a fairly decent cook, clean and lrganized? etc

he's the younger twin by 14 minutes

has epilepsy from a head injury as a child

fav animal: toads and sharks. fav color: blue. fav food: strawberries

[olderthannetfic]

I've read up about sensitivity readers as a service but something about it still feels off pouring to me? I get the concept and I guess on paper it's a noble cause, but idk if stories should be striving for "sensitivity" on the basis of a single reader/editor. Do you have any particular feelings or insight on the practice?

--

Sensitivity readers have been around for a while. When operating as intended, the practice is both good and not a big deal. They're just a cultural knowledge beta with a more inflammatory title.

The version that exists within a thousand miles of YA twitter and its ilk is a hot mess.

--

See, in the ideal circumstance, what these people should be is a paid editor who does a read for specific cultural gaffes.

They'd be working alongside the main editor who'd hopefully have time for developmental notes (okay, they never do this now, but ideally), copy editors, etc. A bunch of people are taking a look at this book before it goes out into the world. The sensitivity reader is merely more familiar with some particular area, probably their own cultural background, so they can spot things the rest of the editors and the author might miss.

It's just the more professional version of some dude writer being like "Hey, female friend, would you mind reading my manuscript and telling me what you think of the female characters?"

--

Now, near the cesspit of groupthink and intellectual incuriousity that is YA twitter and in other places like that, people have come to behave as though one sensitivity reader can read for everything, not just their own personal background. They talk as though there is one objective standard for whether something is offensive and as though causing offense is the worst crime in the world.

This attitude is poison, and it's how you get assholes passing themselves off as authorities on all ethnic strife ever, then writing cartoonish villains the minute they include a setting outside of the US.

(As a sidebar, it is deeply unsurprising to find that this jackass complained about women profiting off of m/m. Beware the people who think they personally are the unique arbiter of everything. It always devolves somehow into "Buy my book, not theirs".)

A lot of loudmouths desperately wish to do this work, always talking about it as though it's a beautiful opportunity to browbeat others for a lack of wokeness. It's always the biggest clowns too. (Mardoll, for example, while whining about the attack helicopter story.)

--

And yet, sensitivity readers exist outside of the toxic waste dump that is book twitter. I can see why the idea puts your back up, but it's time to unclench.

Yeah, one member of a minority is not the ultimate arbiter of what is Objectively Offensive Forever, but that's not actually a sensitivity reader's job. They're one set of feedback among various. There's no guarantee a copy editor will catch absolutely every typo either. If you had time for 5 sensitivity readers, maybe that would be useful, but it's probably more useful to pick someone you trust. Evaluating and paring down all the feedback you get is one of the major jobs of an author after all.

It's really no different than having a cop read over your crime procedural for silly Hollywood nonsense you didn't realize was false and a cliche.

We do this kind of double-checking over less fraught topics all the time without a problem. Writers just get very tense when they hear the term 'sensitivity reader' because it makes them think of mobs of wokescolds and of their book being secretly irredeemably racist. In reality, a good quality sensitivity reader might tell you that a joke doesn't land because of some cultural detail you missed. They're not there to harass you. They're a professional you hired to help with your book.

Sensitivity readers are fine as long as we treat them as what they are—cultural betas—and not as an official guarantee of Not Problematic And Can Never Offend Anyone.

[omegaversetheory]

I have read some omegaverse stories and saw some of those infamous ABO gacha heat cringe videos throught the years, and something abt those types of stories that seems quite creepy to me is the fact that omegas almost always look like children, act like children and are TREATED like children while their alpha counterpart is always potrayed as a normal adult

So idk, even thought i know that every omegaverse is different depending on the creator i Wonder what headcannons would you have about that topic, like for example:

-Do omegas age like any other people or they have some genetic factor that makes them look younger and/or age slower?

-would that "child treatment" have its roots from the discrimination omegas would have faced in the most conservative countries?

-In those same conservative spaces, would omegas get pressured to appear as childish as possible because they will be cuter and get a mate more easily?

-Would that kind of judgement perpetuate a kinda pedo-ish mentality on those inhabitants of said places? Would parents of omegas use puberty blockers on them so they still look young? Would omegas be encouraged to have a mate at a dangerously low age?

I mean, i know that this question can be really triggering or sensitive, but the fact that a lot of omegaverse stories and stuff i have read have this pedo-fetish creeps me out a lot and i Wonder if that kind of issue rooting from conservative judgement would happen in your AU

I, too, find that part funky and uncomfortable - but who cares. It makes readers and writers happy and gives me an opportunity to get creative. For example, I like to think that like romance tropes in romance novels pale in comparison to real romance and love - people living in omegaverse au's would feel the same way about those tropes and stereotypes. It's just another romance trope - the infantilization of omegas.

But let's answer your lovely questions!

Yes. Everyone ages the same. I've never seen a headcanon suggesting otherwise, and I don't write it differently in my own au. But in an omegaverse au that does use this idea, perhaps looking youthful is part of the beauty standards for omegas. It could include - a round baby face, the kind of soft body that evokes baby fat, bouncy and smooth skin.

I would argue that no, it's not based in conservative treatment, but in the traditions of generations since past. Sure, more conservative cultures are also ones that adhere to tradition more strongly. For example, omegas would be "debuted" to society around age 18, the prettiest/most valuable ones would be bonded and mated that same year, others may have to wait. Having a young omega as your mate would signify some level of wealth or power - as it was these alphas to whom the omega's parents would be overjoyed to let their omega bond with. This leads to a preference for the kind of youth that lasts - leading to a cultural beauty standard many generations after that courtship practice fell out of style.

Act childish? No. Appear youthful? Yes. Childish would be throwing nonsensical tantrums, wining, having some level of ignorance/overly innocent to the world. What would be fashionable instead would be having a fresh/light personality, wearing clothes that echo the same fashion of young children (ex if it's in style for babies to wear ruffles, ruffles may start to be popular for omegas to wear), wonder and a thirst for knowing things would be attractive in omegas as well.

Absolutely not. Children having children is not ever a good headcanon. Pedophiles would be treated the same way, if not even harsher in this world. Puberty blockers wouldn't help, as that would keep a child a child longer. I don't think it's something parents would worry about - their omega child looking too young, but it would give them some anxiety if they presented early. Heats/Ruts do not have a sexual element for children - that develops slowly as after their human puberty ends - so imagine around 17-19 they might start getting that instinct - but that's when they would be debuted to find a mate. So yes, if you consider 18 dangerously young. But in modern times the average bonding age gets older and older, just like in real life.

I'm sure you and I aren't the only ones who aren't fans of that omegaverse trope, but it's just that. A trope, and a place for people to explore the taboo. To me, just see it as a a/b/o twist on the daddy/little trope that so many readers enjoy, and that could be pushed further the right (safe and consensual) contexts - one of which being the fics they consume and create.

Take the headcanons you like, leave the ones you hate or refashion them. My favorite part about omegaverse is that it is entirely fluid and never concrete. We agree on much, and on nothing. No two aus are the same.

[yellowhollyhock]

Cuz Mikey has a quirky way of speaking confuses me sometimes. What I mean is it’s hard to tell if he’s just be endearing or mean about something lol

oh yeah that's fair. Personally I see him as rarely being deliberately mean, more that he's trying to be endearing and sometimes takes the joke too far or doesn't think about someone's particular sensitivities. Might seem like that shouldn't be cuz he's so often very good at being sweet and very smart with people, but he's also 15 and extremely sheltered

Thinking about when he stepped into April's shop during a fight all pleased with himself, wanting to say hi, and then when she freaked about him bringing a fight into her shop (fair) he hits himself (his bros aren't there to do it)

halfway relevant personal story, as the oldest of the young siblings I always sat in the back with the three Crazy Ones on roadtrips. They would take something from me while I was looking out the window and wait for me to notice. Make jokes about the car falling off the mountain because I'm really scared of heights. Sing directly in my ear and dance practically in my lap and then tattle on me for being a stick in the mud about the music. Were they being mean and annoying? Yeah. Were they being sweet and trying to bond with me since I was often distant and they were excited for me to be literally stuck with them? Also yes. I get it, I'm a younger sibling too. Sometimes reminding your moody teenage older sib that you are a little menace with many jokes and they are both Unimpeachable and Highly Pokeable in your eyes is how you express your love. But also your annoyance that they aren't paying attention to you. But also your concern about what they're going through cuz you're a kid and you don't understand hormones. idk children don't know how to communicate yet, sibling relationships are complicated

I guess what I'm saying is some of my fondest memories are of my siblings being jerks. And we had to do some work to get there, kind words go a long way to make hard memories sweet, time passing helps a lot. I would give up a lot for them to be (relatively) care free kids playing pranks on me again

[meet-the-coffee]

TF2 Fucked Up-Au (or something)

I once started working on a totally odd as shit au that I forgot about, and I didn't even finish working on what the au's theme was, nor what each merc would be like to make it this a unique au????

DISCLAIMER: i don't agree with any of the weird shit these characters do in this au. But horror exists for a reason :)

Anyway here's what I remember:

Scout:

Is like a total stoner. Chill as hell. Piercings. Smokes cigarettes too. Fuckin dumbass. Comes to work high all the time. Doesn't give too much of a shit about much. Has ladies over often but never catches any feelings. Thinks Miss Pauling is just an object he wants to smash. He's an asshole. I hate him, he's a lil shit.

Pyro:

Actual serial killer. Tall as shit. Wide... Doesn't talk. Just breathes loudly and axes you to death or sets you on fire. Isn't as much of a "rainbow pyroland of unicorns and sunshine" as it is that he's complete and utter danger. A psycho. Tall and strong enough to michael myers-chokehold you with one hand against a wall.

Made up on a whim:

Sniper:

Total fucking sociopath. He's the crazed gunman with mental sickness that his canon counterpart in Meet the Sniper says he is NOT... yeah this guy doesn't snicker because he shot someone, or that he likes clicking on heads for the funsies, or for money... this guy loves all of that, but is a fucking creep while at it. He freaks people out. He isn't trying to be discrete while stalking people but he is so damn good at his interest - He is silent as death. He will stalk you home. He will watch you sleep through the window, preferrably snap a few photos or just find your breathing nice to listen to. He likes to feel warm blood on his fingers and loves that metallic smell. He's into weird shit. Don't be near him because he's unpredictable as fuck. He's manipulative, seem friendly, and then once you turn your back, you'll wake up two days later high as shit with a pounding headache, bound with your hands behind your back to an iron bar. He probably uses you for aim practice while drunk as hell. Do. Not. Turn your eyes. Away from him.

Spy:

Spy is anxious and emotional as hell, paranoid as shit and his worst-case scenario is The People finding him, especially if they find out Scout is his son. He does everything to push Scout away only because he doesn't want anything to happen to him. He's on a heavy dosage of medication to deal with it all.

Demoman:

He is so tidy. He's trying to remain composed and watches his friends get fucked up and he can't even do anything about it. He hates it. It tears him to bits when he's trying to sleep. But he likes to help, he listens to their rambles and keeps an ear out to pick up on his friends needs. He was raised by his mom and she taught him to be a kind and sensitive boy.

Medic:

I can't quite make my mind up on this guy. It's so cliché to just make him an utter lunatic but I don't feel him to be a soft guy either. There's a connection to his friends but I can't quite tell what it would be. It's a huge w.i.p.

...

Engie, Heavy and Soldier I'm don't know at all yet. And nothing is set in stone anyway.

Miss Pauling might just be an evil and fucked up gal who works like a puppet under the Administrator, idk,,

This is what I've got so far :')

[stars-of-kyber]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

@dreamstone28737 tagged me on this fun thing <3 thank you love!

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

32! Holy shit that's a lot.

2- What's your total AO3 word count?

351,009 words and counting. Again, I'm shocked at how much I've got done lol

3- What fandoms do you write for?

Right now at this moment, Bridgerton.

4- What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1st- You Belong With Me - 821

2nd -Falling For You - 451

3rd - You're The Only Thing I'll Ever Need - 423

4th - Lost, Drifting - 407

5th - Faithfully - 397

(The next one is Bad Habits which never stops to surprise me just how many Kudos it gets since it was one I thought I wouldn't get anything from.)

(God, I need to update my WIPs)

5- Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Honestly? Only when I feel I have something to add to the comment. Sometimes I see a comment with "Great Chapter/Episode" (which I really absolutely love, btw. Any comment makes me so damn happy I can't even explain) and I never know what to say to that and I don't want the person to feel I don't care about their comments when I just reply with "Thanks! I'm Glad you liked it <3" and I keep thinking about different things to read and I never can and when I see it, I have a bunch of unanswered comments which makes me overwhelmed to start.

So yeah, I usually only reply when I know what to say lol

6- What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ending? (none? lol)

Posted, I'd say "The Way I Loved You", which I thought the ending might be kinda open? I don't usually do sad endings. I think "Faithuffy", "Of Noble Blood" and "You Belong With Me" have some rather angsty parts, along with "Lockdown" which touched a rather sensitive part of me. But all the endings were/will be (THEY WILL HAPPEN I PROMISE!) happy.

Unposted, it's probably "A Dead Man's Tale" which I'm writing right about now and I hope to start posting by Halloween on Tuesday (fingers crossed). The ending is... sentimental? Idk Kinda sad but happy too? I have no idea how to describe that. Either that or Raise a Little Hell, my Bonnie and Clyde, which will be my only NHEA story ever(if), when I get to write it.

(Feel free to tell me which of my fics you think it's the angstier. I'm curious!)

7- What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them? Lol

Walking The Wire because I finished it? sdakljfkdsgh I have no idea. Maybe Lockdown bc it's such a hard battle to end happily in the end.

(Which of my fics yall think is the happiest? Please tell me bc I have no idea.)

8- Do you get hate on fics?

Not on the Bridgerton ones, thankfully. Everyone that reads it is amazing which makes me really happy.

I had a pretty harsh time when I started on the Reylo Fandom in Star Wars. Not fun, I'll give you that.

9- Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I write hotter scenes, although I don't think I've ever finished an entire sex scene. That said, I have a one-shot called Stockings that is about 85% done which is porn/no plot that I might one day finish but I'm not that much of a fan of it, to be honest.

10- Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Unless you count crossover with Julia Quinn's own other series, no I don't.

11- Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of.

12- Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, which is kinda sad because I am a translator and I could very well do it myself lol but Idk if there are too many Portuguese-speaking readers that would be interested in it, and although I speak pretty good Spanish, I'm a tad out of practice and I don't master the written language nearly enough to attempt to translate something to Spanish.

13- Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A long time ago in a Galaxy far far away. It was... nice. And not at the same time. I hold myself to very VERY high standards, so I'm extremely self-critical and working with someone with different styles and ideas can be really harsh without trying to dictate the way you want the story to go. Plus the three times I did, we ended up giving up halfway through the story lol

14- What's your all-time favorite ship?

This is a stupid question and I hate it. I'm not good at picking. I am deeply, truly in love with Kathony, and have been for the past couple of years, but if I had to say at the top of my head, the oldest OTPs that have been in my heart, the ones here for the longest time and never really left are Percabeth from Percy Jackson and Jily from Harry Potter. Reylo and Rebelcaptain in Star Wars were also a very big part of me for a long time and I love them.

Asking all-time faves is mean.

15- What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Sought you, Sang you, Dreamed you, my Reylo Kidfic. I love it so much and I am so sorry my baby, but I can't focus on Reylo anymore. I have complete faith I will finish all my Kathony fics one day, I really do.

16- What are your writing strengths?

I honestly have no idea. As I mentioned, I am very self-conscious about what I do and I have incredibly high standards about myself. It's not uncommon to see me saying I hate my story and I won't post it and it's absolutely shit, I have no idea why people read it. So pointing out a quality is really hard.

I guess I'm good at dialogues? I always felt they sounded nice, idk.

17- What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm running a risk of repeating myself too much if I mention standards and self-consciousness, don't I?

I am terribly wordy. Nothing I do is short because I need 1k words for something I could have done in 200. I always feel people will get bored by it.

I also sometimes feel I have issues representing the emotions I'm trying to put through in my story. Many times you'll find me going to a neutral third party saying "Please tell me what's missing here." bc I feel it lacks.

Let's not mention the lack of self-discipline and the amount of time it takes me to write a story/update something. And overthinking things. Also coming up with more ideas than I have time to write.

18- Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I do that all the time? I am a native Portuguese speaker and English is my second language.

19- First fandom you wrote for?

Lol that's going far back, isn't it? I have been writing originals since I was 10 (I have a lil notebook with the first story I've ever written, it's adorable, but as usual, incomplete), but in 2011 I was obsessed with a soap opera called Rebelde (the Brazilian version, when I liked the Mexican RBD one, I didn't really know what fandom was yet. BUT I'M GOING TO THE CONCERT ON THE 9TH I'M SO EXCITED) and my first fic was a Roberta x Diego one, which is complete and (unfortunately, -or not- not all of it) available in Nyah Fanfiction, although I wish it wasn't bc it's truly shit. Like very very very shit. It was crazy, she died of lung cancer in the end. I swear to God, I had no clue what was going on with me at 14.

20- Favorite fic you've written?

Okay, look, this is not fun lol

I truly, honestly can't pick. Each one is special for me for a different reason. The Way I Loved You was my first Kathony. You Belong With me my first WIP and I have such a special place for it. I could go on and on for hours. I love them all, even the ones which are not my faves (Bad Habits, Reading Project).

But I will be absolutely thrilled if you guys tell me your fave of my fics. I would love a lot to know.

I'll tag @mimix007 @waterlilyrose, @harnitbee, @bellascarousel, @ladystanbury, @searching4paradiso, @alihightowers and her dragon people and @suspendingtime

[ashinaisshin]

A more direct EN translation of some of Alhaitham’s voice lines in CN

(Note that in order to show the meaning in CN more clearly, some translations might not sound as smooth as the official EN text to stay closer to the CN.)

tl;dr: dude is in general more of a piece of shit in CN (no) LOL

i love he

About the Vision

To be honest, a Dendro Vision isn’t of much help to my research. But I do hit people harder now that I have elemental powers, so it's still useful enough.

[Personal opinion: I really wish the translators had kept his cruder/rougher wording in CN here, instead of making him sound kinda formal with the “settling a physical dispute” “proves useful at times” and all. (There are other lines, including some during the archon quest, where I’ve noticed that the EN translators made him sound more “formal” like this.) Despite the strong “rational/logical” image that he has, in CN Alhaitham rarely uses the kind of “academic” or “smart”-sounding language that one might think he does unless the occasion calls for it, and I find that aspect of his character really charming. Like Alhaitham says himself, “Rather than lacing my words with rhetoric, I prefer speaking factually” – I love hearing his lines because this guy is so good at making sharp, concise comments using his iconic crude and down-to-earth language. The writers really did a fantastic job portraying this smart and badass and hilarious character while intentionally (imo) breaking the stereotype in the use of an “academic” tone.]

About Us: Helping Each Other

You are very capable of taking care of yourself, so much so that you can even look after the companions around you. I don’t have any advice for you, and you most likely don’t need my help.

[Unlike in EN, it’s not very obvious that he is specifically referring to Paimon there in CN. It’s also a general trend that he is more curt/direct in CN, not hedging his statements as much with words like “seem” “frankly” “tend to” etc..]

About Kaveh: Compassion

He shows too much compassion towards everyone and everything. Probably because he is too fragile, he’s always making a fuss over nothing.

[The word choice in CN is more positive. At least “关怀” is a positive word – more along the lines of “compassion/care” – while “sensitive” is a neutral word that could be understood in either way, and probably negative in the context of “overly sensitive”. While Alhaitham is arguably also using some sarcasm in CN, I still think “sensitive” is neither an intuitive nor a fitting translation for 关怀.]

Birthday

Happy birthday. I’ve always thought that people invest an unnecessary amount of enthusiasm into celebrating the day they were born; it’d be more practical to channel that energy into getting more joy out of each day of their lives. You’re doing an alright job with this. I don’t know what kind of gift to get, so I’ll just reserve one pass for you through a special application channel.

[Funnily enough, he is less nice to you on your birthday in CN lol… I appreciate the sheer objectivity in “alright job”, bro Especially the “gift” he prepared for you, in my understanding, the special channel is only effective for once in CN and not permanent as the EN version seems to suggest, LMAO. Alhaitham, you just really don’t want to put extra effort into this huh Idk, maybe the EN translators just wanted to make him sound nicer to the players 😆 I can appreciate it either way though.]

Opening Treasure Chest: I

Hold on to them yourself.

[Aka: I don’t need this stuff. How nice of him.]

Opening Treasure Chest: II

Hurry, it’ll be hard to pick them up once they roll away.

[But he’s also genuinely being such a good (and fourth-wall-breaking-ly helpful) teammate kekw]

Joining Party: II

Let’s do business the business way. / Let’s keep things straight business.

[OK, if all the other discrepancies in translation are mostly just me being nitpicky, this one, I would argue, is a significant mistranslation that almost gets the opposite meaning across. “Let’s get down to business,” in my opinion, makes it sound like Alhaitham feels the need and is potentially quite willing to join the party, while in CN, “公事公办” is an idiom that clearly conveys the meaning that Alhaitham is Not joining you because he wants to/thinks he needs to but rather he’s treating it as Business, as a Job. In JP this line is straight up translated it as “公務に私情は挟まない” – “no personal feelings involved in official business.” In fact, linguistic elegance/cultural factors aside, I feel like for Alhaitham’s voice lines at least, the JP translation in general stays much closer to the CN text compared to EN. Like I mentioned in my last CN/EN comparison post, some EN translations make Alhaitham sound like a leader, while a big part of this dude’s life is just rejecting any and all leadership responsibilities thrown his way.]

---

Some additional translations FYI

More About Alhaitham: IV

Once order is disrupted, the consequences will spread rapidly. I don’t like this; it will get in the way of the life I have right now.

Feelings About Ascension: Conclusion

Can’t let those slackers from the Akademiya know that I’m making progress yet again, otherwise they’ll do everything in their ability to push trouble my way. Of course I won’t accept any of it, but the back-and-forth in communication is always going to waste some (of my) time.

Low HP: III

This will take up more (of my) time.

[ilovemariobrosss]

Luigi and his Dad

(and how this shows Luigi's character)

I was recently rewatching the Mario movie and I thought I should talk about Luigi and his father, and how that plays into Luigi's character and his dynamic with Mario. Since mostly everyone talks about Mario and their dad. So here goes!!

This is all my opinion and how interpret how their kind of... Dynamic?? World view?? Is -- viewed?? Idk ALSO THIS IS MORE ABOUT LUIGIS CHARACTER and how his father's relationship with him shows it. (I will probably state this a billion times in this essay but I'm dumb so pls don't fight me)

Ok! I would like to claim that their father doesn't really acknowledge Luigi as anything special, or worth noting compared to Mario atleast, which he sees as his problem child, or star child (depending on how he's feeling) in my opinion. Now this isn't good or bad. He just sees Luigi as this normal and good guy, which is fine. (Not really kinda) And I know this sounds harsh but I have a few reasons as to why I believe so!

One of their first and only exchanges at the dinner table (from their first day at their new job might I add) is where Luigi enthusiastically states,

"I like mushrooms, I'll take it!" His father replies passively with "Yeah!" while looking at Mario.

this very simple gesture can be interpreted as Luigi only being there to encourage Mario. Because the only reason Luigi and his dad even talked in the first place was because Mario didn't like the mushrooms. Not because he asked if Luigi liked Mushrooms or not. I know I'm like wayyyy psycho analyzing this but it's like the only direct dialogue they have in the entire movie so that alone is worth noting in my opinion.

In this same scene, Their father remarks to Mario,

"You don't leave a steady job for some crazy dream! And the worst part? You're bringing your brother down with you."

This implies that their dad thinks that Mario roped Luigi into this business-- Luigi was following Mario -- and if Mario is failing in it, then so is Luigi.

He's basically saying that Mario's failures causes Luigi's faults simply because they're working together. (which we all know isn't true) but he thinks so! and this also implies that Luigi isn't known for doing much for himself.

As we, unfortunately, DO see Luigi following Mario and quite literally being dragged by him into the streets of Brooklyn down a pipe,

and that does cause Luigi's downfall as he's trapped above lava for about 2 days (BUT WE AREN'T GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT)

And if Mario is at fault for Luigi being practically tortured, it doesn't matter because their dad still sees Mario and Luigi in this light either way.

Simply put, Mario is the screw-up who doesn't know when to throw in the towel. And Luigi is, well, just the little brother who follows him.

There's nothing special about him, aside from being wimpy.

At least Mario has some shining attributes, He seems to have trophies on his bed, He's a go-getter, and he has dreams that he's more than willing to fight for.

But does Luigi have those same dreams? or is that only because Mario had that dream of becoming a plumber?

And sure, Luigi has good traits too, he's sensitive, encouraging, and sweet. But there's not much else that others see atleast.

Mario is a much more interesting person, he takes risks and swoops at every opportunity he gets. But that makes Luigi look second rate. And on top of that skittishness of his? Oof. Double whammy. Side by side, one obviously looks stronger willed than the other.

We can see that the brother's infamous phrase

"As long as we're together everything will be ok"

really shines through because it seems that if they were stripped apart, Mario and Luigi have no idea what to do. Because Luigi literally doesn't. He waits for Mario to come get him or he waits to die. And I KNOW this is a far stretch but this could totally play into his character.

Without Mario, Who is he? Since the beginning, they've been The Super Mario Brothers. And the same goes for Mario, who is he without Luigi?

The world would know that he's Mario, the kid whose desires are bigger than what he can see. But to Mario personally, his brother is everything to him, he doesn't care about what others think (usually).

The entire movie is just Mario trying to get his baby brother back home. But Luigi doesn't have any unique traits that we can see in the Mario Movie. But to Luigi personally, and Mario, They know he's so much more. But to the outside Luigi is just Mario's brother- who gets kidnapped. And Mario is the hero that saves the day.

And, back on track, Mario and Luigi's dad knows this.

His relationship with Luigi (in my .. deranged opinion) is kind of like the mascot of How the World sees Luigi. With Their dad being the world, and Luigi being Luigi.

Their father knows that Mario is kind of too silly for his own good, and Luigi willingly follows along which leads them both into trouble. But with Marios temperament, He's the one coming up with the solutions. And Luigi kind of just panics off to the side, ofcourse he helps, but everyone knows Mario has the plan.

------->

AND THAT MY FRIENDS!!! is,,, kind of how I interpreted Luigi's Character (thanks to their father) I was going to add the end credit scene where their dad Is proud of them. And that Lowkey would've helped my case even more. But then someone could also argue that, Mario is also this huge nobody so him finally getting recognition is GOOD. and not just because he's this strong hero.

But you CAN GO EITHER WAY. this is just MY OPINION!!!! ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️

and for the record I Do not think Mario and Luigi's relationship is super dependent, they just love eachother and don't want to see the other get hurt 💔💔 But Luigi DOES need to MAYBE??? work on his self worth or his independence. BUT it makes great story and I wouldn't change a thing tbh 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 thanks for reading if you made it this farrr

[sainte666]

I had the most overstimulating / frustrating dentist’s appointment this morning.. it was like torture because I had to put a tight ass mouthguard in that was really hard to take out, awkwardly return my 2 week old broken retainer and be told I have a weird bite (duh. oh my god it isn’t like they didn’t know this!) and they made me watch a 90s homophobic joke on TV too 😭 (more below if you want the full story! I had a lot to say)

Ok so for context, I am stoned writing this & I have fucked up teeth due to Everything (eating disorder behaviors + childhood trauma and autism and having oral fixations and being sick due to a kinda anti vax mom etc etc are very bad for you lmaoooo)

I have broken 2 retainers 1 mouth guard (and am now being told to not wear the retainer at night and basically wear it during the day ig)

Today I pick up my new mouthguard and hand them broken retainer #2 which is humiliating since I broke it like within 2 weeks of receiving it

The shitty large corporation dentist’s office is always playing videos and music and shit all at the same time, way too overstimulating, and I ended up being witness to this old Fresh Prince episode with a homophobic joke 😭 It was when Will Smith’s character tries to get the butler a girlfriend for his birthday and he literally delivered the joke about assuming too much and took his hands away dramatically which has aged VERY poorly! (was bad to begin with lmao)

And then I had to try this very tight fitting mouthguard, with my dirty outside hands because they make you do it.. but don’t have me wash my hands which is disgusting but I just do it because they expect me to 😭😭😭😭😭😭 And then as she was talking about fixing my broken retainer, I was desperately trying to get the stupid mouthguard out so I could answer her and it was SO hard to take off my teeth 🤪 Probs because of my broken appliances that they told me to keep using bc it’s that or my teeth 🙃

Anyway I managed to get it off and was like hey this was really snug and hard to remove, was I doing it wrong?? and got a kind of non answer and a brief visual demonstration. Lmao… and I was trying to practice putting it on / taking it out and acclimate my teeth to an old ish scan, and at one point just couldn’t get it to go back on my teeth. So I am not very excited to try it tonight but if I can get it to stay, I think this one might work. But my teeth are going to be SO sensitive for the next month FML

THE GOOD NEWS THO! 😇

My old dentist (who unforch worked for the old guy who owned the practice and for some reason he sold out to a corporation instead of idk… letting HER take the company???) made her own practice and it’s finally open to the public 😎 I am one of her first patients I think lmao

Dr C…. please for the love of god you gotta help my deteriorating mouth 😭 I see a future with adult braces and probably mouth PT lol

[dyed-red]

I feel like the prequel is lowkey trying to flip it so that Mary (who very much resembled Sam at this point in her history) is bringing Dean's energy and John (who should, fresh out of Vietnam, have Dean's harder "fuck it we ball, if I die then I die" vibe) is bringing Sam's energy because they looked at Traumatized Hardass Marine With A Secretly Kind Heart and Outwardly Sweet Girl Who Can And Will Kick Your Ass and went, "Oh god, we're gonna get accused of so much sexism."

But at the same time, they don't actually want to make John soft enough to make the gender-role-swap work. Like I could maybe live with the contradiction of previously established canon if they would actually commit to it. If they would let Mary be a real asshole sometimes, and give John some real vulnerability. But instead we're getting Whedon-esque Strong Female Protagonist from Mary and John's just kinda there.

It's pathetic and deeply disappointing.

that's the impression i get, though i never assumed it would be predicated on concerns of sexism accusations.

i was thinking it was based on mary's characterization in the late seasons after she's revived and her dive back into hunting and paralleling her to dean. and i was assuming it was largely born out of this being a dean-focused writing team.

i also assume, beyond circumventing sexism accusations, they probably thought it would be more ~interesting~ to have mary be this cold badass and have john be soft.

and it's not like john doesn't have this softness to him, i actually do think that's interesting. mary likes him because he's not like hunters, not like her family. i've always kind of taken that to mean he has some of what dean has -- possibly the same kind of bleeding heart where he won't trade one life to save 30, contrary to early-seasons sam being the type to make that sort of call.

john cries when he loses his friends, when jim murphy dies. he gets teary-eyed looking at his sons in Shadow. he's a really complicated and interesting character! so bringing that to the forefront in the era he and mary are falling in love makes some degree of sense for me.

but like... that's not all he is, and that harder side of him is absolutely essential, or else how are we supposed to believe he's a hardened marine? how are we supposed to believe the man he's going to become? is the prequels version bringing the intensity of this john:

(maybe he is, i haven't watched it, but nothing that i have seen suggests that he's got the anger sitting there under the surface)

ultimately mary's softeness, even if it's a veneer, is such an incredibly important part of her character. she wears a mask so similar to sam's, doesn't let people in, craves safety and normalcy despite being incredibly ill-built for it, craves it so much it damns her. she purposefully softens her hard edges and sands them down smooth to fit in with others and attain this unattainable goal, and that is something practiced over a lifetime.

tbh - whenever any piece of media writes badass cold hard women who kick ass and take no shit, to me it just sort of comes across like they don't know how to write tough women without stripping them of their femininity and gentleness. and i'm all for traumatized, angry, badass women, but it ends up reading as really flat if there's no depth behind it. like, you can do it well, exceptionally well. when done well these tend to be my favourite characters tbh. mary could be my favourite -- i absolutely love love love her in the original canon, up to about the end of s12 (after that it's kind of meh but that's another post).

but.... the actress may be to blame for that lack of depth too though? idk, but it's not necessarily easy to make that jump off the page, and while a very skilled actor with very good script sensitivity might be able to bring that depth naturally, a more inexperienced actress probably needs more writing and direction to make it work, and it seems to me they... well, my personal salty opinion is that mary was not well cast. this in no way absolves the writers and showrunners of not necessarily thinking this through in the depth i would've liked to see, but it isn't really helping matters.

[the-voltage-diaries]

okay so this conversation has inspired me to ask a few questions to you. Yes you, reading this. Feel free to answer (or don't - whatever is comfortable), because I would love to hear your thoughts. This is basically about the kind of content the MC would read and/or you would like the MC to read.

What do YOU find problematic about voltage's stories?

What genres do you see the MCs reading? (And feel free to shoot recs if you have!)

What books would you recommend to the MCs? Why? (books YOU consider good content & want them to read, not based on what you think they would like)

What are some issues YOU want the Voltage characters to address and be more vocal about?

I'll start:

Check out the link! I've got a list and this would get too long haha.

HMM. I think it depends on the MC, but I have a feeling they would like Rom-Coms, Fantasy, and Mystery largely. Some of them might even be into Sci-Fi and non-fiction (biographies and memoirs). So... it's all over the place haha. Idk why but I can see 'Six of Crows', 'The Devotion of Suspect X', 'Book Lovers' and maybe 'Becoming' coming my way as recs. Maybe some spicier stuff too?

I would want the MCs to read the following, so that we could talk about it later HAHA: - The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd) - for the women supporting women, the intersectionality of racism and gender, apart from the soft and comforting style. - A Man Called Ove/Anxious People (Fredrik Backman) - no real reason, but it was so good. Bittersweet and heartwarming. - Heartstopper Series (Alice Oseman) - for how it addresses various physical and mental issues, its diverse representation, its sensitive narrative and just wholesomeness. - Animal Farm (George Orwell) - because of how disturbingly timeless it is, especially in today's time. - The Confession (John Grisham) - because of how it deals with racism and the very real failure of judicial machinery. - Circe (Madeline Miller) - To me, this was a story of a woman becoming her own institution, becoming her own empowered machinery

The issues I want the voltage characters to be more vocal about are those bare minimums that happen in our daily lives or affect the lives of the people around us. - The patriarchy that exists everywhere (including the ways in which it represses non-heterosexual, male identities such as women, LGBTQ+, etc) - How the state/govt machinery is functioning - Environmental debates - Discrimination and discriminatory practices around them (religious, sexual, gender-based, region-based, class-based, casteist, racist, etc) ^off the top of my head. What about you? 👀

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

ive tried to write women so many times but have failed to the point theres barely any female characters in my stories. and im very aware this is a flaw in my writing because i dont hang around women often and the only long term contact with a female i have is with my family members i dont know how to write female characters on a personal level because i can never relate to them. this sucks ass but correct me if im wrong i think its better to not write female characters at all than write a shitty possibly offensive one even if i dont realize it

Hi.

Okay, here's my take on what you're saying. I know for a fact that the most difficult things to write are things/situations/environments we know so little about. And it's even harder to get it right when it's a more sensitive thing, if yk what I mean. A huge perspective shift like this is definitely a challenge because men and women are quite different.

Here's the thing. I'm not trying to pressure you into writing them, but I'm telling you that even if you have problems with them now, doesn't mean you have to give up on writing them completely. If not writing them at all is your final decision, then that's still okay, still your call in the end, but if you do want to write them, it's very possible.

I know I write both male and female characters, but the first time I ever officially wrote smth that wasn't for school, it was with a female protag because ultimately, I see the world from the eyes of a woman. When I decided to write a male character for a more serious project, I realised I needed to research it. And lemme tell you that again, not every piece of advice in a writing help article is always applicable. It's largely based on the author's own personal experiences. They're more like tips than rules you must adhere to.

Please note that I've spent considerable time around men I'm close to in my family, I had male classmates and currently have a friend who's a guy, so that definitely helps. And it's completely understandable that you haven't spent enough time around women to grasp more about them Ig. My male characters are not exactly copy-paste of these men/boys either, but some of their traits and mannerisms may be connected.

And you not relating to them is completely okay. I'm not very likely to relate to parts of my male character's life that come with him being a man, but what I can relate to is what makes him human. There is definitely an overlap in several traits between men and women. For example, the way I would feel angry abt smth would be different from how a guy Ik would feel angry about the same thing. The key is simply to avoid bad cliches.

Again, I'm not trying to get you to write them if you really don't want to. Forcing yourself to write smth you don't want to definitely won't help, and won't create good pieces of writing. But just in case you wish to in the future, you can practice and research and test it out, and fun fact, part of it involves a little bit of winging it. I've done this for like genres/ideas I haven't tried before, and surprisingly it actually works. But, tbf, it's a lot more difficult when the issue at hand is the opposite gender.

And answering your last question, while it doesn't mean you must give up completely and you will never be able to do it, I can agree that no representation is better than a poorly represented character. Though, there is a chance you might be too harsh on yourself, since Idk exactly what any female characters you've written are like.

And about my reblog on that post abt writing women, Ig it was more aimed at people who've never tried or misrepresent women by applying a crap ton of harmful stereotypes to them. You seem to have made a genuine effort, so that's a pretty good thing.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for the ask.

[idyllic-affections]

🌻 its cruel of anyone to push someone away from their own culture just cuz they dont fit the "standards" or whatever other shit 💔 ohhh u dont know the language— stfu first of all learning a language is hard. im bilingual and its hard for ME to learn any other language. i had german and spanish in school and i simply could not learn any of them and same goes for any other language i tried to learn on my own!! i learned nothing in the end even tho ive been learning english since first primary, meaning i already should have some experience in learning a new language. but i dont. and second of all no one should ever demand proof from anyone that they are a part of this culture or whatever like!!

it’s not only annoying but also fucked up that people have the sheer audacity to set stupid requirements for OTHER PEOPLE'S identity. one's identity can be so hard and sensitive of a topic and having someone try to police u in this matter, try to tell u that no sorry u dont know the language/culture so u cant call urself that— i genuinely have no respect for people who act like this

and third of all idk man if someone came to me and said "hi i want to learn more about poland and the culture because i have polish family" (because suurprise!! im polish too!!!!) id be more than happy to tell them everything i know. even if i might not be the best knowledge source AHAJSJDKDK they dont know polish? or anything abt poland?? they just learned their family is polish??? it simply doesnt matter this person wants to learn more about themselves and im more than happy to cheer on them and hope that theyll learn everything they want. and that theyll never feel excluded out of something they deserve to have place in

this got a little long but as u can tell i got very passionate about this topic 😭😭😭 it annoys me so hard how unhuman some people can be

SOO TRUE it's so invalidating ESPECIALLYYYYY when it's always other latino or hispanic people telling me. bro please. i am doing my best here 🙏🙏

i tried for years to learn spanish and it NEVER clicked in my brain. i know basic spanish and basic french (i had to take a foreign language class a few years back so i took french 1) that's it. Please. learning a language takes so much practice and patience and the issue with learning spanish is that my pronounciation will inherently be more "white" because erm. yeahh. english is the only language i've ever spoken fluently. and for some reason, there are many native spanish speakers think it's funny to make fun of mispronounciations? so now i'm scared to practice because of that. 🫶 it's not cute or funny and it's never been in intended an affectionate way. but i am also mentally ill and neurodivergent so that probably doesn't help AJKSFBJSLSHNFM idk man but it is NOT "all in good fun" it's EMBARRASSING!!!!!

IT'S GENUINELY SO FRUSTRATING why should i have to prove my ancestry to you? like. first of all that's really none of your business and second of all i literally do not have to prove anything?!?!?!?! no-one does?!?!?!?! no-one is somehow any less of their heritage simply because they don't know much about it. literally. it is so upsetting why can we not just let people live peacefully fr.

SOOO REALL i need to ask about it again because my maternal family is generally very open about this kind of thing, and it's easy to communicate with them because there is no language barrier between us. i would love to know more about myself. because my culture is something i deserve to have a part in, you know? it's literally in my blood. it is something i always was and always will be, and i feel like i have a right to want to learn about it.

nooo it's okay!!!! i completely get it. i feel like it's becoming very common for people to be less and less human. and it makes sense, given... you know. politics and everything lately. not to be political /lh but there is just a little too much hate being spread and i dislike that so much. many people have forgotten how to be kind and it's just???? very sad and upsetting.

[fierceawakening]

ceanothusspinosus Oh! I did not at all mean to imply that competing access needs are necessarily solvable. They really truly may not be, and when that clash prevents a good relationship, it sucks. It also takes skill and practice to sort out what your own needs _are_ and it sounds like she is… not good at that. Possibly not interested in becoming good at that. Possibly ashamed to look at it too closely and see where she can and can’t compromise. Who knows. At some point it doesn’t matter for your purposes. :/

ceanothusspinosus I think that the existence of ableism provides a lot of context and imposes a lot of constraints on the whole situation. I imagine that in a less ableist world she’d maybe have different expectations of you and tbh of herself. But it’s not ableist to notice that different people have different abilities, and in your situation it makes sense that you’re really sensitive to concepts like expectations around “ability” used without failsafes.

ceanothusspinosus And in ~abusive/very unbalanced situations “ability” and motivation is commonly, idk. Complicated. Unclear. It comes down to “even if the most generous reading is true, I don’t think it’s going to change and I don’t want to live like this.” I’m thinking of you wondering if she’s copying some of your own ND traits/habits - I certainly can’t know from here, that’s definitely not the sort of thing you’re likely to get a straight answer on if so, it _could_ just be her own stuff...

ceanothusspinosus …so where does that leave you? Looking at the situation more carefully while you do your best to be what you consider an ethical person with no obvious answers, unfortunately. :/ And it’s clear you are trying to be careful.

ceanothusspinosus Also btw, thanks for being clear about the kind of answer you wanted.

No problem! I think part of the issue is, like... social justice types of framework, where you taboo certain phrases, really don't port over well when someone is dealing with an abusive situation or a situation that's leaning that way. Like, it's useful when my therapist says something sounds narcissistic not because she can or should diagnose anyone who isn't me (and I don't take her to be doing that), but because we have a somewhat shared understanding of the word. She's telling me she thinks that behavior is unfair, and the sort of unfair that stays that way and you don't fix with a clarifying conversation, because the kind of person who is often unfair in that way is the kind of person who isn't psychologically ready to have that clarifying conversation and is going to lash out.

It's the same way (and the same situation, I think, painted different colors) I eventually decided I felt about gendered slurs. No, I don't technically HAVE to call my abusive ex a bitch, and I actually wouldn't see much use in calling her that now. But at the time, when I was angry and hurt? Trying to police my own ways of thinking about what was happening were what got me stuck in the being abused in the first place. It was only once I could trust that I wasn't revealing some deep evil going "fuck that bitch" that I could get the distance I needed to rethink whether that was a phrase I wanted to use once the experiences were sufficiently behind me.

Which is I think the problem with a lot of those posts, especially online, that exhort people not to use certain terms to analyze the behavior of someone mistreating them. What that comes across like to the person trying to understand what the fuck happened is "you're mean for processing this in your mind, and if you want to do that you need to choose from the approved tools."

Which I think is why those posts got my goat so much. (I hope they wouldn't as much now that I've thought through this, but they might still bug me, I can't promise the berserk button is totally deactivated.) Survivors need space to be mean and aggro and messy, and just because we feel it this second doesn't mean we endorse it forever. People who are injured scream. This does not mean screaming is appropriate behavior most of the time. It means that it's normal when someone is injured.

Like with my ex. Reading books on BPD actually helped a lot! Not because I came out of it thinking "all people who have that are abusive;" I can think of several friends current and former who I don't think are abusive and who I certainly don't think would ever do the things she did that traumatized me. But because a long careful description of behaviors and psychic distortions helped impose some order on what I experienced as a maelstrom of desire and need and rage and hate.

I'm not even sure I'm going to come out of this thinking narcissism is the problem. I might even decide I think she's neurotypical when all is said and done, I don't know. But I need to be able to shut the social justice framing down at least long enough to sort out what I need, why what I have is not that, and whether (as my therapist has also said) the right thing for me is no contact or less contact.

And in order to sort that out, I need to be able to try on ideas like "No one cares that you're disabled. I care that you don't stop, whether that's won't or can't."

I can sort out whether that's too harsh *later*, when I know my own decisions and their results better than now.

Does that make sense?