#I need SOMETHING to self project on!
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My page for @kairizine. It was such a huge honor to be part of this wonderful book with everyone, I had so much fun!
[id in alt!]
#kingdom hearts#kh#kh kairi#kh xion#kh namine#i don't really feel proud of my own stuff usually but#i really think this is the drawing i'm most proud of from this past year!! it made me think 'oh maybe i can draw' haha#i'm still kinda bad with colors but something clicked with this one. and i feel like i got the sentimental feeling i wanted!#ooh but this project's about flower symbolism so ramble incoming:#protea symbolizes resilience transformation and diversity; hollyhock means 'please remember me.'#so my general theme was finding a sense of self.#these 3 have struggled with finding their own identity; they tend to get left behind both in-universe and in general plotwise#and naminé and xion both resemble kairi and were overshadowed by her memory. but i feel like all 3 have transformed into their own people#xion and naminé have their faces covered partially by hollyhock to show their wish to be remembered for who they are-#instead of the parts that they share with someone else#and the protea bouquets show how they each held on and resiliently grew into their own person despite it all#i put a little swervy path on the hill behind kairi to give that hopeful sense of growth and moving forward. it's a little hard to see#hopefully that makes sense! i really love symbolism but i think in visuals so i'm really bad with words#but gosh working with everyone on this project was so fun. it was like impossible not to get swept up by the team's hype for this zine#i need to hunt down everybody's work and rb it#ohh and everybody's flowers are so crisply drawn it's insane!! i think if i lined all these flowers and leaves i'd die haha#fan art#my art#project stuff
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Hello, yes, I need more cards where the characters interact with their younger selves.
I want more of this please:
#project sekai#project sekai colorful stage#hatsune miku colorful stage#proseka#prosekai#colorful stage#i didn't include toya's nocturne interlude trained card because while he is with his younger self#they aren't really interacting together? they're both just there playing their respective instruments#i want older toya to show younger toya that he found something someone that made him happy and enjoy music#i want to see older ena helping little ena with a drawing like she did for those school kids with emu and honami#i want to see older tsukasa put on a show for his younger self#or even just tell him that he's found more people who would help him pursue his dreams#saki holding her younger self the first night she has to spend in the hospital#honami baking with little honami#kanade holding out the music box (i can't remember if it was her mom's or her dad's) so her younger self can wind it up#mafuyu carrying her younger self away from something that looks harmful towards something that says safety#ichika telling little ichika all about leo/need's sekai and miku#emu is telling her younger self all about wxs and how they helped her save the wonder stage#do i need to go on?
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Sneak peak! 1 of the 10 characters I've done (so far)
#wanted to do a sunarin sticker/charm design and i ended up doing a bunch of characters#will i actually ever sell stickers or charms of these? most likely not but i wanted to do them :)#ive chosen the characters ive drawn by asking my friends who their fav is and drawing that character#:D#i have three more to do#my art#art#fanart#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#hq#suna rintarou#inarizaki#stickers#sticker design#sneak peek#art project#i actually need to fix the phone it looks kinda wonky#every character has their animal symbolism self and something else about them. so example Hinata has a crow and a sun!
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When you connect that something you love about your favourite fictional characters is a trait or emotion you were punished for or denied of as a child
#fandom#mental health#cptsd#childhood trauma#the saga of my crappy parents#this can even extend to the type of plushies you like#no i dont want to talk about how all my fave cuddly toys have grumpy faces#or why all my self portraits or picrews look grumpy#or why i love a good grumpy boy#dont question it#dont question my need to hug something i project onto that looks grumpy and tell them that i love their grumpy face#dont dig at that
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casper would understand the inherent and unyielding bisexuality of the fast and furious franchise better than anyone. i know this scene did cocomelon shit to his brain in middle school
#he's also the first cis man to get gender envy from brian and dom simultaneously#why do you think he looks the way he does#you know what i need to make some posters or something because casper & tom would totally have one in the dorm#that's not even self projection that's just true
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Finally made a Parapluesch OC, introducing Mama Oz ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#Parapluesch#Do I need to tag all of them? I don't want to so I won't lol#I can tag my original I guess :P#Mama Oz#She's based on this absolutely ridiculous and darling object I found at the same place I got my new-to-me video games haha#So apparently in the 60s this specific type of - magazine rack? in the shape of a kangaroo?? was made??#Ridiculous. So ostentatious. I fell in love immediately and had to make her into a Parapluesch#Like as soon as I laid eyes on her standing there I was like ''Oh you're from Die Anstalt'' - Instantly started filling in her backstory#Mama Oz's deal is your classic Stages of Grief - in her case from losing a child#Since she's a plush she never had an actual baby but she lost Her Child if you get me - she stopped being played with#And so she projects that grief onto others and adopts them in an attempt to get Her Child back#Except if this new relationship isn't within that framework then she rejects it and goes to the next one#She doesn't really realize that she's inconveniencing them by trying to adopt them and limiting herself from forming lasting connections#Not allowing change or growth - stagnating and trying to reclaim something lost#One of my favourite parts of Die Anstalt is that each of them is shown to have flaws#They still need and are deserving of help! But their uglier symptoms aren't shied away from#Dolly and Lilo use self-harm as a coping mechanism#Sly is shown to seek out the high at times and be short and destructive#Dub takes pride in his overwork#Kroko is surly and prickly#Don't even get me started on Dr. Wood lol#So it's fun to imagine what Mama Oz would be doing to - even by accident! - harm herself or others#The whole point of helping them is for them to become their best most comfortable selves :D#I also think what's especially funny is that I've been Meaning to make a Parapluesch OC for /years/ now#I always planned for it to be a Gender Dysphoria diagnosis since that's in the DSM and I had a design and route planned and everything#No. Kangaroo magazine rack. Okay#Lol
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a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)
#self#mori kei#jfashion#NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj#I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat#and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol...#the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly#a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing#sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower...#I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something#but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP#why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no#reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere#in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I'#already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate#anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or#whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ#tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons#and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE#hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like#doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at#some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them#and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like#close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s#etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst#d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol..#AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol#(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i#s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)
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one thing about me is that there will always be a very sad guy who's doomed by the narrative & there will always be the familial polycule or whatever so desperately trying to save them & the family n polycule's actions will always have world-rending consequences which either make things better or worse depending on where my mental health is at during the time of writing. this is something you must understand about every heart project i have ever worked on or become attached to since the dawn of time.
#gansey. hennessy. luz. hunter. psii. sollux. signless. darius's mentor. devin. I Love My Doomed Guys.#If They Arent Doomed Enough In Their Canon I Will AU Them Into Misery My Damn Self#every novel-length project i've ever completed has unintentionally had the same formula#there are four guys. one is dying faster than the others who are also dying.#you gotta save the splintering wreck of a person. you can't save them in a way that matters. you still have to try.#the original fiction quartet. wwaitsoatl. princess luz AU. soulmate verse. trc vampire AU. bota. toag. and so on.#the princess AU is arguably an outlier bc it's two (or three counting amity) core cast members#and then the fourth guy is belos or raine or camila or somebody else depending on the installation.#everything else though. Four Guys. Four Guys Whose Lives Are In The Shitter Forever. Or Something#four is all you need!! to get a really really really fucked up story going!!
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ok, I feel like I need to point this out (because of some tweets I've seen), but Brazil is a highly conservative country. Yes, we are very sex positive, which inherently goes against a lot of conservative views in other cultures, and yes, we have one of the biggest pride parades in the world. But we are also the country that kills the Most Amount of Trans People in the World (for 13 consecutive years).
this idea that brazilians are all nicer and more caring and more loving comes from this deep feeling of protectiveness we feel towards our country and our people. We feel like we need to project this image to protect ourselves (because last time a brazillian President decided to be human and reacted negatively to negative comments we were forced into a dictorship that would rob us of four years of democracy and republic). I find myself constantly defensive over brazillian ccs because of this. And generaly it doesn't cause much harm. But I need qsmp fans to understand that no place on earth is perfect, and although I believe that brazillians are genuinely more friendly, we aren't all nice.
Also, be good to your LGBTQ and poc brazillian friends. They really need someone on their corner.
#qsmp#also#for context the tweets i saw were saying like#how brazillians were super nice and cool and that they wanted to come here#and like i get that they mean the fandom and the ccs#but this is something that needs to be pointed out#everyone is subjected to propaganda all the time#and even if this specific one is based on self defense#it is still propaganda#no country is perfect#all non-usaians should be more proud of our countries and more loving of them#i don't want you guys to project this utopia into brazil#because that (the projection of a perfect country) is exactly what I used to do to the USA when I was little#this type of thought (of one country having all this positive traits#while undermining your own country) is not healthy#twitter neg
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sorry for the metadede flood lately um. anyway i think dedede officiates waddle weddings. if they even have them lol. it’d be funny and cute
#reason for the flood: thinking abt one idea means i get 50 more#one of these were drawn with the old pen! and my god it shows#one is also two sketches fused together (which ive had to do a lot lately) and…okay actually it’s still easy to tell but not bc of that#i am mad with power#meta knight#king dedede#kirbyposting#my art or something#i think my art ideas are probably very weird lol#but you know me i love a good shenanigan#if it’s any condolence i swear ive been working on less self indulgent stuff too lol#not…NOT self indulgent because it’s me and i like having fun#it’s my blog i do what i want or something#im juggling like 7-9 projects right now (and most of the time) so my progress on each is very random#i thrive off of goofiness#but yes that is why i do this stuff. and then the Big Serious Projects never get finished#half kidding. i have a lot of stuff at abt 80% rn#metadede#because i forgot if i need to tag when it’s already in the post lol#id probably save this for a few weeks out but i dont have anything else done and yeah im procrastinating on sleeping#wow i really do write an essay in every tag
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,,, little lemmings in line...
#adamandi#needed this. idk. shameless fluff. i. sjdhdjfhfhfhfhf viewing this doodle just makes me happy ok#something silly. i feel like lately i've been a lot more earnest on this blog and it's nice!!#the imagery that the lyrics evoke.... goes so hard actually. consider this maybe an outtake of the last 'where can i run' thingy#yes i get the whole lemmings off a cliff thing but also i think taking it at face value would be cute therefore this#since basically they refer to the rest of the students as lemmings.. he's human in this one i guess.#quincent thoughts. many many. but also i have been maybe avoiding engaging with quincy on a more intense level? until i am in a better#mental state to do so. because the whole academic perfection and self harm is a Thing i would like to engage with Properly without spirals#yay on me for being healthy about media! not normal and never normal. but healthy is good i guess#... hm. family is being iffy lately because you're supposed to have good acads And not stressed but i refuse to feel guilty anymore.#after this period i'll go bonkers over him and in the meantime unfortunately they won't feature as much in the content.. :<#anyways. fun fact about lemmings is that it's not necessarily a derogatory blindly leaping to deaths thing when it comes to the actual ones#like that's the phrasing and connotation right. but apparently it's more of they leap off cliff into water below or smth to migrate and onl#the rare few die (skill issue??um) and apparently the whole association was propagated by some documentary wildlife drama thing that kind o#.... hastened the chasing of the poor things off the cliff and filmed it. a bit messed up. and like i guess what a nice metaphor for the#academic context here? or a different one at least. where only a few die so they keep doing it but also for the Average lemming following#following the system is not inherently bad.. maybe i'm projecting.#anyways peep the tiny character shorthands now.. ambrose has the jacket/ bea has the hat and gloves with strings: portia has the bow on hea#quincy has the bowtie and glasses /(beatrix also has glasses. i forgot about those until i was drawing quincy's.)#'avvy why are they standing up' you ask? because four legs looked weird with ambrose's jacket. 'why did you give lemmings glasses?' ummmmm#i guess recognisability? don't look too much into it#outtakes of this include vincent standing in a circle of lemmings. it's badly drawn and frankly hilarious because they're all tiny and#below the knee.#'avvy these don't look like realistic lemmings' you are very right. i am sorry. i looked for a crowd of lemmings on google images and all i#found were political cartoons... i Can draw animals technically i swear#anyways! emotional support adamandi doodle out. going to start work now!#oh i forgot to tag the characters... hm... i guess i'll leave out the lemmings..#?#vincent aurelius lin#.
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Hii<33 will you tease us with hints of your current projects?
hello! 👀 due to a number of things happening off-screen for me i would say that i'm currently in "fucking around" mode without a huge number of actual tangible projects going on? like im doing a lot of "open new doc > write down vague idea > add 1,000 odd words > don't finish the project" which. doesn't feel great. but hey ho.
the biggest thing is that i'm doing a merlin big bang and am trying to wrap up the details of that project because i've committed now, except i can't give any details about because it all needs to stay anonymous 😅 either way that'll be out in like, august!
yeah in terms of other fandoms that i have written more stuff more in the past im just sorta,,,, languishing i guess??? like i'm still writing but it's really hard to be excited about WIPs and tell people & have them get excited and then just never finishing anything 🤷
#like i dunno man i was trying to finish so many big projects in full before sharing but it just kind of meant nothing got finished#& that got disheartening ngl#youd think 20+ years of adhd would have gotten me used to that feeling but alas#sorry this got morose lmfao#anyway i'd love to write FOR something again because thats always gratifying & i could do with a structure#asks#anon#to be clear: i do want to talk about my WIPs and i really appreciate you asking! because i'm very excited that you want to hear about them!#today is just not the right day for it & i will maybe have to get back to you in like. 3-5 business days.#quite honestly i think that i need to write a bunch of short shit that is entirely self indulgent and rough around the edges#to get back on whatever the fuck feral energy i had at the start of 2021#this will also likely manifest in me randomly posting the first chapters of various multichaps
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oooo whats the lore on joes breakup...
^ (i sound like if maccie was sending anon asks on tumblr)
*spray bottle* Shoo Maccie! Shoo!!! /sillay
AAAAA oh em gee argehgagaaa!!!!!!!!!! Lore under the cut uhgnrmr,,,
OKAY.. Struck By the Rain is Joe's teenage breakup song!!!!!!! There's some queer angst,,,, ?
Joe's past partner not accompanying him through transition ("I wish that we could be close. Close enough to use our real names for once.")
But, ALSO Joe coming to struggle wth his a-spectrum identity. ("Am I beautiful now?" "You told me it was just for fun, I suppose I was too young")
And that Joe had to take the strength to let go of this relationship for his own well being. ("And now I'm walking away." "I'm not the kind to let you watch as I cry, So I've got to leave... I've got to forget you.") That even though he wishes they would still say "Oh I love you so!", those times are gone as they're growing up and figuring themselves out.
And this relationship has done DAMAGE ON JOE, even if he has come out into his true self through the pain. ("And so I'll hide myself away from the world, leave behind the sorrow of a sad little girl." > "I'm a broken man")
He's become a worse isolator, more secluded and reserved- when he's still a bright man underneath the mask. Joe already has issues from home, so a long lasting relationship ending in such a complicated manner, in his developmental years no less, did a toll.
TLDR: Joe's breakup was due to his queer identity, and he never had the power to hate this person, because it was simply that they weren't compatible- and no one was quite the villain (Lonely Storm)
#some of this is a little self projecting BUT AAAAA Sobs.. i love joe so much!!!!!!!#also see why this isnt something joe can talk about to maccie its just too complicated and yk- needs to be left in the past#he needs to move forward but he cant! hes trying to conquer his inner demons but waaa.. AAAAA ily joe.. ohg#rh head canon#inbox#AAAAAAA#joe: this is a highly personal topic thats too complixated for you to understand + you dont need to#maccie: something extremely scandalous happened he doesnt want me to know about#poor joe lol CJNXNF#karate joe
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Hiii! I just wanna say I miss your comics and I hope you're doing alright! 🥰
Happy Halloween!
Hi ML! Thank you <3 I'm doing alright. I know I've been extremely lackluster on making and posting stuff, but it feels like this whole year has been one big project after another, one secret thing after another, one important thing after the other...
It didn't quite left me burned out, but I'm trying to take things slow. Taking lots of breaks and all. I have a looot of doodles in store, but they're too poor to post lol
But I got a couple of alright ones I drew for Halloween!
Self insert x Ib crossover! Did you know a remake of Ib came out this year??
I dunno when I get back to comic making and posting - still feel drained, I have a project on my hands I'm preoccupied with, and a few things like art trades, commissions and hopefully birthday gifts to catch up on. So yeah, no promises... but worry not about me!
Happy Halloween everybody! 💖💕
#ask v#self insert#yeah both of these are actually me but from different aus so. self insert#undertale#error sans#ink sans#ib#ib crossover#undertale crossover#crossover#i still need to actually play the remake of Ib. love that game#i was thinking about getting back into my groove by making a contest for my birthday or something#but it sneaking up too fast#funniest thing about my project is that its 80% finished and i put a TON work into it... but only like 2 people will ever see it haha#but yunno. experience#also if i make rise of the tmnt themed comic how much of a whiplash its gonna be for yall?
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pyrr pyrriax is significantly less productive when it spends several hours just bouncing between vcs in pursuit of human interaction
#haunted ecosystem#i spent the last several hours just chilling muted in a vc with a few people i dont really Know but we're friendly so it works#bonus was playing on an mc server at the same time and immediately making it my goal to harass jack#i got caught in a self-instated death loop trying to get him to free my corpse from his claim PDVNDJK#however: i now have an area where i get to set up a farm and become a beast (spend several hours lost in farmer's delight)#its okay its better than the average of like 11 hour calls#i write significantly less when i'm being social and not just in my little hole in the wall scribbling random concepts#also i need to read more fic to get my brain going again since currently i am lacking in things kicking around in my skull#aside from a concerning amount of oc stuff that will likely never see the light of day beyond ocassional snippet posts#im planning to work on a few projects i just also need to. not have things i need to work on#im working on a gift fic thats a little late but i just need to Come Up With Something
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I think I finally figured out why I like him so much
#ADHD#Meme#Shitpost#Helix#SCII#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#Me projecting all over Max: Man he's just like me fr#He feels so ADHD to me like hang on hear me out#He's extremely impulsive - absolutely dopamine-motivated - struggles paying attention to things he's not interested in -#But also gets fixated on things like his dream journaling and anything related to it - space/aliens/spaceships/etc.#It being like The Only Thing that he ''can focus on'' - as well as wanting to engage with it when he's stressed!#Has lots of half-abandoned hobbies and impulsively ''jokes'' about getting really invested in something and then losing interest#Like wanting a lot of animals - hehe - or what jobs he wants to do while committing to none of them#He also takes things really personally which like - RSD. Do I need to explain lol#Has difficulty making and keeping friends - is forgetful and ''forgetful'' hehe I'm quite familiar#I also kind of read him getting high or drunk regularly as like?? really maladaptive attempts at self-medicating??#Dopamine-deficient brains are way more likely to develop or lean on addictions to be at least Closer to level stimulation#He's constantly understimulated and all his caretakers see it as a moral failing when like! He's just expected to Get Guud lol#He needs accommodations! His brain is clawing at the walls trying to get his Executives to Function!#This man has undiagnosed ADHD please get him to a psychologist#Lbh tho his parents would be the type to say ''Don't use your diagnosis as an excuse'' as if he could just control it lol#Don't even get me started on when he and ZEX Freaky-Friday lol#Something something ZEX problematic queer something something Max problematic ADHD lol - look if it's Correct it's Correct!#Anyway this is just my reading and I'm Absolutely Definitely projecting to some degree - please read Helix and love Max of your own volition
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