#I need to get the parody stuff done first dang it!!

[twistedroseytoesy]

Guys, I’ve got so many idea for the octatrio group and a marine creature reader. I’ve already made like 7 drafts…. Send help in spiraling into the ocean and my knowledge of creatures from octonauts.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hiiii!!! 💫💕🌸🥳

Can I bother with a question... I was (re)watching that zhang qiling edit (not today) - 'cause it's so cool, btw- and I wondered if Reboot Xiaoge’s your favourite one...? And if you're up to answering, what do you think about the other adaptations? Especially (our small bean) xiao yuliang's interpretation of xiaoge?

🤗🌺💐🐰💕

Hey, my precious patootie hehe ILY it always makes me very happy knowing that you rewatch my vids <3

lol dang it, I was kinda hoping to avoid this question, just because I feel like I'd find it hella hard to explain some things, but I'll try my best and hopefully it'll make some sense xD

I'll start from afar bc I wanna try to explain my reasonings, since I don't want to go without arguments into such highly debated question lolz. I talked about this a bit in my previous asks somewhere, but not broadly as to why that one guy hit all the right spots.

So throughout the books Wu Xie always does this wonderful thing, where he very tangibly describes the feeling he gets when Xiaoge is near, I mean like the aura around him. And he always somehow does it so colorful, that this mix of safety, assurance, calmness, composure and some things I can't quite put into one noun, that he brings to him, I think everyone who've read the books can recognize as this almost magical "Xiaoge feeling". It's not just the way he acts in some dangerous situations or smth like that. It's just everything. You either have it or you don't. And here goes my first argument... to me none of them, except for Huang Junjie and Yuliang have it.

I mean it's not even the obvious stuff, it's like the way they move during the action scenes, the way they even stand and hold themselves, the way they touch Wu Xie, the tone of their voices (both of which are like soothing as fuck), little things you'd think wouldn't matter, but when you watch it and all the puzzle pieces are together, you're like... fuck yeah, thats him.

Also not really that weighty of a point, but to me there's always a joy to see that the actor who plays the character not only gets what's he's playing, but also loves it, bc it's always seen on screen. Usually when some asked about the character they play and what they have in common for example they answer with obvious things like if some character is introverted they're like "well I also don't talk very much" or smth like that, you know what I mean. When I was watching interviews of Yuliang and Huang Junjie I was just smiling so much, bc they've said such things that made me go "yeah, Qiling is safe in their hands".

In Reboot case working in such close proximity with the author definitely also played a huge role here. Bc it kinda gets complicated in some aspects since the books are written from Wu Xie's point of view and you can't only base your picture on his perspective, just bc it's coming from a person who after being basically told "you're my whole world" goes "I'm just a person he randomly passes by in his long life" in his thoughts. Not only he's utterly clueless and dumb when it comes to all this, that he wouldn't notice the way Qiling looks at him and other things, its also not that kind of book, that would go "I suddenly caught poker face looking at me like I'm his whole existence" (and I honestly don't want it to be that book lmao). So you have to take into the account here stuff like what author says to get the whole picture, bc if you look at that from the point of Qiling's view for example, this shit takes a whole wild turn. So I really loved that in UN and Reboot ways of showing Qiling's feelings were well thought out and fit the timeline.

Bc it also works both ways, when it comes to other adaptations. Like Qiling is very and I mean ETREMELY hard to win over. We all know that it was a very long process of gaining his trust and even longer for him to fall for Wu Xie to the point of him being his everything. So what I want in those interpretations is for them to get at which point of their relationships what Xiaoge's behavior makes sense. I do not need any fanservice if it ruins the character, I'll just hate it. The thing that their feelings didn't come out of nowhere is what I LOVE about this ship, bc I'm not the kind of person who believes in "we love for nothing" thing and love at first sight thing (only "got hots for each other" at first sight), bc thats bull. Wu Xie became his everything after a long LONG process of getting to know each other. At the beginning tho he was the same stranger to him as everyone else. So what Reboot Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie yet and what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what Lost Tomb's Qiling feels for Wu Xie (which at that point was nothing). And I feel like not everyone gets the fact that you can totally wreck the character if you make him behave not the way he behaved in that particular time. Like for example, if someone would make a MDZS adaptation where at the very beginning of their relationships LZ treats WWX the way he treated him after the reincarnation just because "who cares, it's still LZ", that would be dumb af, see what I mean. So Xiaoge having a weakness for Wu Xie in part one is automatically not a Xiaoge to me, bc a huge part of his character and the thing NPSS speaks a lot about is just how IMPOSSIBLE it is for someone to catch his attention and how long it took Wu Xie to get there. So let's just say to me UN and Reboot Qilings for the first time didn't feel like some mashup or character summary/parody, they were Qilings the way they are supposed to be in that part of the story, bc it was the only times someone actually bothered to coordinate it.

Now as to why I prefer one to another. Xiaoge has this thing... the way he holds himself with other people, that is sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally suppressing.

Like everyone knows that if you're a passerby, Qiling genuinely doesn't fucking care and would in fact be pretty harsh about it in terms of treating people like they do not deserve their attention. He won't be like "please, don't bother me", he simply ignored them like an empty space. He is also like that with acquaintances who in his opinion do not deserve his respect like that girl who went hysterical, bc she was upset that he was the only one who wasn't drooling on her like all other men on the crew, Chen Wenjin, Wu Xie's uncles and etc. He's not openly disrespectful unless they trigger him in some way (usually by trying to act superior or later on for not treating Wu Xie right), but if they do, he will in fact remind them their place in sometimes a very rude way, at times humiliating them in front of ppl bc he looks younger than them and talking starts.

He's always doing things on his own terms and hates being told what to do. Like he legit scared Chen Wenjin just with a look and the tone of his voice when he said "let go", when she tried to command him on the mission and grabbed him trying to lecture him about what he should or shouldn't do. That's why Wu Erbai didn't even try anything like this and let him do whatever he needed to do and equally lead the mission in Reboot. And why the scene where Wu Xie 'commands' "Xiaoge, come back" and he immediately listens holds another special place in my heart. Bc he NEVER and I mean NEVER allows such things to ANYONE.

So here I came to a point of why despite loving them both dearly, my favorite Xiaoge is Huang Junjie.

I have this dissonance with Yuliang's version when to me in many scenes it felt like he and Wu Xie are the same age. Like if he was Xiaoge, but in his 20s. In his interactions with Chen Wenjin the dynamics was turned upside down, with him being okay with her telling him what to do and just in general the way she behaved with him. Same as like I didn't always quite believe him to be on par with older generation or even Pangzi, it just felt like he was truly younger than them. Some scenes that I do find extremely cute just don't fit book Xiaoge at all, I'm talking about some moments like his face when Wu Xie gave him food, or him pouting and many things he's done, when you were going "uwu he's a baby". He just never gives me this feeling in the books ever, not just bc he's 100 years old, but sad fact here.. bc he's simply unable to behave that way. Like in the books you'll desperately want to shower him with love, but he's just... I can't quite explain, it's very sad.

I guess it's just you know these characters, who are like hundreds years old, but look like they're 18? I think you have to be very careful with how you write those, so you could deliver that. And in UN because of some changed dynamics and scenes I straight up forgot about it, until Wu Xie threw some joke like "he's an old man" in front of a restaurant.

In Reboot Xiaoge could make Wu Erbai stutter with one move, put Yuliang's version in the same scene, I just don't think it would've worked. Like I'm trying to imagine him telling UN's Wu Erbai what to do and having troubles already haha. Same as I don't think he's capable to be genuinely mad at Wu Xie, and HJJ nailed it esp in one of my fav when Wu Xie was laughing at Pangzi's joke about him catching cold. The look he gave him and how ZYL just retreated was priceless xD. And boy could Qiling get angry with him in the books!

Otherwise I didn't have any drastic fall outs there, like with Joseph's Wu Xie and Ah Ning's death, because that was just too much of a difference, but there were still moments where it was once again this the same scene completely different emotion thing. He was more tolerable to ppl in general here, more pliable. And 50% of the time he gave me the cute lost kitten type, which I just cannot connect with the feeling he gave me in the books. His personality is a cat type 100%, but like seriously "cute baby" is the last word combination I would ever apply to book Xiaoge, but with Yuliang's version it's easily applied. So small bean he is indeed. With Joseph and in UN it works incredibly perfect to me, but the way he is in UN is at times too gentle. And there are lots of scenes where Joseph himself looked at him in a way "you're too cute, let me pinch your cheeks" kind of way, or the way he like sat down next to him on the coast, he was a bit babying him at times. I can't imagine book pingxie doing that. It's just a whole different vibe, the way he takes care of him, the way he lets him take care of him... it's...uuuuuuuuu another vibe (see, I'm so good at explaining lmao).

It's also kinda funny to me, bc HJJ who's the smallest and who irl truly a kitten never once gave me that feeling on screen for some reason. The one babied and loved by every crew and old ppl, who was cutely hiding behind ZYL's back on set, who won't sue an ex who almost ruined his career bc of how stupid she is, bc he "didn't want to hurt her", who according to staff can't even step on a fly, whom CMH was petting for several minutes after he had to hit him with a prop brick bc he didn't wanna do it lmao. I was just like.. ok, this is hilarious, bc I in fact didn't expect him to be a small bean, so watching all the bts made me go LOOOOL. Probably ZYL acting like a 3 year old helped him transform and the age difference problem got lost lmao

As for other adaptations. You know I can't watch seriously "Lost Tomb", I think some ppl probably have some nostalgic feeling about it, but I'm sorry, to me it's fucking hilarious. Like I've already said it looks like some type of twilight parody thing or smth. Soft damselle Wu Xie esp killed me, bc 1st when he ever was that, 2nd in the first book he's salty af, I don't even know this dude in this interpretation, I was like who's this. YangYang I know him from other things, I really don't think it's his role. I know the script and everything is bad. I know the costume and hair are horrendously funny, but it's just I was watching him in those action scenes and was like no... just I'm sorry but I'm not feeling it. I simply just don't know what to say about the whole thing seriously, bc I don't even know where to start. 10 episodes of some salad finished with one mutilated scene from book 6 for no reason the fact that characters are weird themselves also I can't quite tell, did they really just meet or they imply smth else lmao.. I'm sorry, but I do not get it.

I've given LT2 another try after finishing all the books and I've dropped it half way through, Cheng Yi wasn't even close to how I pictured Xiaoge in any aspect. He in fact didn't do anything OOC or off the book or anything, I just was like "not my Qiling". Happens sometimes.

Explore with the note you already know how I feel about this lol let's just forget.

P.S. To be fair here also maybe we should take into account the fact that some got luckier than other with "at which point" Xiaoge they're playing. Like for example, "Wrath of the Sea" and "Qingling Tree" books which is LT2 is not exactly you can say much about Qiling there, he trolls them there in the beginning (in a brilliant way that was totally lost in the adaptation) and he is there in "Wrath of Sea", but it's not the part that can make his character shine in any way, there's not much things happening there that would make you fall for him or get to know him; Yuliang grabbed the fattest piece bc it's middle several books, when they're always together and his character shines the most in terms of clues about past, opening up to Wu Xie and Pangzi, and there are many many events where you can get the picture of what kind of man he is; Huang Junjie grabbed my fav piece of utter devotion, where he's already fully and wholeheartedly belongs to Wu Xie, that I'm just weak for. So like... there's also that I guess xD.

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Rapunzel’s Return Part 2

Continuing on from part 1 - 

https://rachelbethhines.tumblr.com/post/635068926214258688/tangled-salt-marathon-rapunzels-return-part-1

Summary: When Rapunzel tries to defeat the Saporians by herself she gets captured; but once Varian realizes that the Separatists plan on using one of his potions' destructive properties to destroy Corona, he and Rapunzel work together to stop it.

Let’s Talk About What a Let Down the Sapiorans Are

Throughout seasons one and two the Sapiorans were built up to be this intriguing race of people with a complex past and real problems that are sadly relatable to this day. They had a history, goal, motives, and special abilities like magic.  

Yet all we got was a really bad hipster parody. 

Heck, the crew can’t even keep it’s stereotypes right because they mostly slide into hippy territory instead. Hipsters, Yuppies, and Hippies are three distinctive counter culture movements for three different generations with completely different social concerns and fads. 

Basically Chris tried to “stick it to the kids” again and just wound up insulting his parents' generation instead because he’s that oblivious of other human beings.

And that’s not even taking into account that previously the Sapiorans were living on the run as nomads in caravans not dissimilar to common Romani stereotypes, so the show is once again making negative racial connotations due to thoughtlessness.

Why Do You Have a Secret Underground Room Hidden Behind Your Workshop Xavier?

Like that not a thing normal people happen to have lying around there workspace. We still are given zero explanation for why Xavier has all this plot convenient knowledge and rare unordinary plot useful stuff. 

Given his previous connection to Saporia and Zhan Tiri wouldn’t it not have made more sense to reveal that he is an actual plot important character in season three rather than keep him as just the exposition fairy? 

So Was This Before or After the Saporian Take Over? Cause Either Answer Makes This a Dumb Plan.

Why would the guards, especially Cap, just give up? Did they even bother fighting and then lost to Varian’s weapons or were they told to stand down by a brainwashed Frederic? If they knew something was wrong then why not stay and help? What makes them think they even could find Rapunzel given how no one knew where she was heading and her letters were infrequent? What difference would they think finding Rapunzel would do? 

Basically, just like with the “former cellmate” line, we needed to actually set up and establish this conflict rather than relying solely on exposition dumps. Because what we get here doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It goes against established character and leaves a lot of unanswered plot holes. 

More Promotion of Authoritarianism From the Show

Remember that these are the same people who formed a lynch mob to hunt down a fourteen year old all because the king told them to. The same king who had been lying to them for years and placed their lives and homes in danger for months. The same king who persecuted the poor and orphans for years. Him suddenly sending townsfolk to the mines isn’t anything new, so what are these people’s breaking points? Anyone else would have revolted by now.  

But noooo, they need Rapunzel to do it for them. Cause Rapunzel is royalty and they can’t do anything without royal permission because they’re sheep. Sheep that’s been subjugated for years and conditioned to be afraid of their “beloved ruler”. 

I understand from a meta point of view why you would want your main character to take charge but...

Like this isn’t inspiring.

It’s disturbing. 

Why are we promoting blind loyalty to a person who’s not earned it just because they were born special? In a freakin’ kids show no less! 

Oh and still no one bothers to call out King Frederic’s abuses here, FYI. 

Take Note That Quirineon is Activated By Heat

This will be important later on in the review. 

He’s Already Built Grenades For You. Wouldn’t Those Be Better Because They’re Easier to Control?

He’s already built explosive chemicals for you. You just used them in part one of the episode. And it came in an easy to use form rather than an unstable, and untested, mess that could literally blow up in your faces since no one, not even Varian himself, knows how to control it yet. 

You Don’t Hammer Out a Cast Iron Pan

It’s literally in the word. To make a cast iron pan you pour the metal into a casted mold. You don't hammer it out like you would with a sword or something. And you can’t even go with the “rule of cool” here cause Rapunzel surrounded by molten metal and fire would have been far more impressive looking.  

Yes I’m being picky cause I’m stalling. I don’t care. This is just yet another instance of the crew not paying attention to details like they should. 

Behold The Final Time Eugene Will Ever Call Out Rapunzel’s BS

This is the last time Eugene will hold an honest discussion with Rapunzel like an equal to her. By the end of this episode he will have transitioned into full on doormat mode. 

Also burying negative feelings and not addressing issues is who Rapunzel is. She’s been pulling this shit since day one. It’s what causes 90% of the conflicts in the show. Have you not noticed Eugene?  

So This Episode Has Contradictory “Lessons” 

The episode presents this idea that Rapunzel needs to open up to others and trust again after Cassandra’s betrayal. The problem is that the episode doesn’t follow through on that. It makes a knee-jerk decision to go with a “responsibility” lesson that wasn’t built up to instead at the last minute. 

More on this later.    

Varian Doesn’t Actually Interact With the Saporians at Any Point.

The only person Varian interacts with is Andrew. We have no concept of how he fits in with the rest of the group and what his dynamics are with them. What do they think of Varian? What does Varian think of them? The consequence to this is to further divorce Varian from narrative, even though this is supposed to be his redemption episode. 

As I said in the last part, you can easily write Varian out of this episode and nothing really changes plot wise. That’s bad writing. 

Also I was robbed of Khary Payton and Jeremy Jordan exchanging lines. I was this close to having audio material for my BH6 crossover, dang it! 

Behold The One Time the Black Lady Gets a Line!

I think her name is Juniper? 

You can tell it’s her because of the shadow on the wall.

Anyways they casted this part and only bothered to give the character a single line? What a waste! 

But this just goes back to the series' poor representation. The only WOC in the show are presented as “shifty” and untrustworthy, even when they are ultimately “good guys”. The majority of them are straight up villains tho, and even as antagonists they’re not afforded any real screen time. 

And the only other outright black women on the show is the inventor lady who was given zero respect and the ghost of a barbarian. 

Once again, I don’t think the crew are intentionally racist. I think they’re just sloppy. They wanted to be more inclusive but they failed to actually give voice to minorities behind the scenes and so failed in representing them well. This is a problem with the industry as a whole, not just this one show, and must be talked about as such if we wish to change things for the better. 

None of this “Stuff” Holds Any Real Meaning

We get several callbacks to season one through Cassandra’s personal things that she left behind, but none of this stuff holds any real personal meaning. It’s just there. They wind up triggering these big emotional reactions from both Rapunzel and Cassandra but the audience is just left confused because what they’re crying over are things that have little significance to these characters. Even this line from season one is just dripping with sarcasm and not some pleasant past memory that either Cass or Raps holds dear to their hearts. 

Way To Go, Dumbass

It’s not that she went alone, or that she broke down when it finally hit her that Cass left, that I’m making fun off. The episode already addresses those two points. 

No, what ticks me off is that Rapunzel has taken down killer robots, ghosts, and monsters before now with her magical hair but a handful of regular dudes can just bring her down? I don’t care how much alchemy they got. Depowering your main character for no stated reason just for narrative convenience is poor writing. 

Because If He Didn’t He Would Have DIED, Rapunzel!!!

He literally would have freakin died had he not done something! He was left inside a jail cell to rot away! Before that he was threatened with hangman’s noose! Before that violence from an angry crowd! Before that he was left alone to starve and/or die from exposure! There was no way out for him except to fight! 

And here you are inside the very prison that you kept him in and you still don't have the fucking self awareness to put two and two together! 

This Right Here the Assassination of Rapunzel’s Character and the Killing Blow to the Series

Yeah, and what about after the storm? Hun, bitch!?

We’ve spent two damn seasons watching Rapunzel stepping on people and making excuses for herself and the one time when she should realize her actions are wrong and finally own up to her behavior and she still does not fucking change.

This is supposed to be a coming of age story! That means the main character is supposed to grow and learn shit! But when it matters most, Rapunzel only digs in her heels and refuses to change! 

Why should I care about this character anymore if she’s just going to keep on being selfish no matter what? Why should I bother watching the show if it fails to deliver on its premise? How is this in any way shape or form an appropriate message for children!? 

If you’re watching the series for the first time, then it’ll take awhile to register just how awful this scene is and how it really is the beginning of the end, because they did have time to turn things around after this. But they didn’t, and here we are. 

This Isn’t a Real Apology

It’s not a real apology if all you do is make excuses for yourself. Rapunzel doesn’t address what she actually did wrong here and it has nothing to do with her stupid promise. 

She neglected and enabled the abuse of a child for a year and three months, and she’s not even sorry for it! 

You Were Never a “Friend” Rapunzel

Friends, actually do shit together. They enjoy each other’s company. They care when the other is hurt or in trouble. 

Rapunzel only came to see Varian when she needed him for something. Even now, after this confrontation, that’s all she’ll ever do. She does not actually care about Varian, because the creators will not let her care. 

And Here Comes the Death of Varian’s Characterization

In order to make this stupid, forced, “redemption” work the writers had to do a complete 180 with Varian’s character and his motivations. Instead of freeing his father, seeking revenge, or just, you know, surviving, he now suddenly cares about “being friends” and “being accepted by people”, only he has no reason to want any of that! 

Rapunzel is a shit friend. Heck all the mains are crap friends to him. They ruined his life and the townspeople tried to kill him. Why would he want anything to do with any of these a-holes!? 

Varian doesn’t get assassinated in the same sense as Rapunzel and Cassandra do. He doesn’t suddenly become a hateable dumb douchebag or anything, but he nevertheless has his character retroactively sabotaged by the writing.  

Uh, Were You Not There When Your Dad Rounded Up a Lynch Mob Against Him, Raps?

I believe you were. Also Varian literally told you to your face that he had to go into hiding cause the townspeople were willing to attack him just because those rumors that you failed to stop and pretended not to know anything about. 

Just because the characters shout something repeatedly does not make it true. The audience isn’t dumb. They can remember what happened only two seasons ago. 

Where Was the Inciting Incident For This Change of Heart?

Why should he even want their forgiveness? Why has he given up on freeing his father? Why is he having second doubts about overthrowing the kingdom that persecuted him? 

If you’re going to drastically change a character’s motivations, goals, and moral alignment then you need to present an in story reason for that change. We don’t get that. There’s no inciting incident on screen for us to see the shift in his character development. 

The audience is left to only infer, and that’s poor writing. The audience shouldn’t have to do the work of the writers for them.  Characters’ motivations and goals  should not be guess work. 

The only thing we can glean from this is that he had a change of heart while in prison and that’s a horrifying thing for the show to suggest. That’s basically justifying Frederic’s abuse. It also recontextualizes Varian’s arc into one of submission to his abusers and not one of learning to do the right thing simply because it’s right. 

Once Again, Were You Not There For Season One Rapunzel?

They had a year and three damn months of chances. These people actively tried to do him harm just for simply seeking help. He has no reason to trust them nor you. 

Why Are We Shoulding All of the Blame Onto the Abused Child?

Yes, he did do all of those things, technically, but they’re being presented here without context.

The Queen enabled his abuser who was threatening his life and destroyed his home. He kidnapped her as a last restore when all other methods to get out of his desperate situation failed. 

The princess he threatened neglected him for three months and repeatedly refused to help him, even throwing him out into a deadly snow storm. Despite him being her responsibility, thereby making her neglect a flat out abuse of power.  

He would have died a slow and painful death in prison had he not helped to overthrow the kingdom that persecuted him. 

I’m not going to pretend that what Varian did was right or that he shouldn’t feel sorry for what he did, but this is a highly skewed version of events that are being recounted here just to create bias in the viewers. It’s manipulative writing intended to gaslight the audience. 

Also, why does he even want a second chance!?   

Doesn’t This Undermine The Saporian’s Goals?

The Saporians wanted to reclaim their ancestral homeland so that they would no longer be a displaced people. How does blowing up that homeland help them? 

Season three just throws all logic out the window. There’s barely a single villain who doesn’t undermine their own goals at some point with their stupid actions. 

So Why Varian and Andrew Not Some Other Team Up?

Out of all of the various recurring baddies in the show Varian and Andrew have the least in common. I’m not saying that they couldn’t work together, but doing so required more set up than this. Because as is, this is a very contrived teamup. 

They have diametrically opposed goals and moral alignments. Varian doesn’t bring anything to the table that the Saporaions couldn’t have supplied themselves. Meanwhile the Saporians have failed to offer Varian anything that he could want. 

At best it’s a marriage of convenience for them to both break out of prison together, but even that is contrived because we don't know why neither of them were sent away on the prison barge with the rest of the season one villians.  

Better combinations would have been 

Varian & Lady Caine

Andrew & Lady Caine 

Varian & Cass

Andrew & Cass 

Varian & Zhan Tiri

Andrew & Zhan Tiri

Varian & Hector

The Baron & Varian

Andrew & Staylan 

King Trevor & Varian 

Like there were tons of options here that the writers just ignored, even though any of them would have made more sense than the one they went with.  

The Andrew and Varian Dynamic Can Be Seen as an Allegory for Grooming; Unfortunately the Writers Didn’t Consider That Implication.

Yeah... That’s pretty much what Andrew has done here. He’s groomed this desperate and lonely teen to become a child soldier for him. And one only can only pray that’s all he tried to groom him to do since they were trapped inside a confined and enclosed space together for several months. 

Listen, I don’t mind children’s shows touching upon darker subjects. Often fantasy is a good way for people to process complex themes and uncomfortable real world situations through the safety of fiction. It can even be helpful for those who have had the misfortune to experience certain traumas. 

I’m not complaining that TTS is too dark. 

I’m complaining about it being shit. 

All of the crap Varian goes through is just thrown in there for shock value. It’s not here to commentate on the real world nor provide a complex story. The situations are brought only to then be outright ignored. This isn’t thoughtful nor deep. It’s not meaningful nor heartfelt. It’s just hollow drama done in bad taste. 

You’re Not In a Position to Judge Rapunzel 

You got captured first because you decided to throw yourself a pity party. 

Would He Though?

I’m pretty sure Quirin is very well aware of how shitty Frederic is. If anything I would think he’d be pissed that his son, that he tried so hard to protect, was mistreated in such a hordenous way. 

This isn’t some satisfying ending to Varian’s arc. It’s a heartbreaking revelation that he’s been beaten down by his abusers.  

Varian’s Arc Isn’t Actually About Validation, and Rapunzel Giving It Here Doesn’t Really Change Anything 

I spoke about this before on its own, but Tangled the Series places far too much stock in validation. Yes, it’s an aspect of his character arc, but it’s not the end all and be all of his motivation. It’s not the force that drives him to do what he does. 

His primary goal is survival, both for himself and for his father. His secondary goal is gaining his father’s approval, but that’s not because he’s seeking generic praise, it’s because his father is emotionally distant. The “validation” is a mask for the real issues which are to fix his relationship with his dad and avoid the guilt of having possibly killed him in an accident. 

Rapunzel has fuck all to do with that. 

He doesn’t need to hear approval from her. He needs her to get her shit together and help him! 

Rapunzel’s and Varian’s Situations Are Nothing Alike and Rapunzel Doesn’t Know Jackshit

Rapunzel you were dumped by your bestie because you’re a shitty friend. 

Varian was neglected and abused by those who were supposed to take care of him. 

Unless you’re drawing parallels to how Frederic and Gothel treated you, and even then neither of them denied you basic fucking needs! 

This should be an “Oh Shit! I’ve become just like Mother Gothel” moment for Rapunzel, not an “Oh yay! Someone to share in my personal misery” moment. 

Man, Rapunzel suuuuuucks! 

Also This Still Isn’t An Actual Apology

Once again, Rapunzel is not admitting what she did wrong here. She’s not actually acknowledging Varian’s pain, nor what she needs to do to make admins with him. 

What she’s doing is making things all about herself again. She’s talking about her feelings. About what she is facing. Rapunzel is an incredibly selfish and egotistical person and the show is trying to present this as a positive thing by rewarding her for such behavior. 

Varian’s Redemption Should Have Nothing to Do with “Friendship”

Varian has no reason to want to become friends again with the woman who ruined his life and abused him. 

But more than that, redemption shouldn’t be dependent upon Rapunzel’s friendship, nor even her ‘forgiveness”. Varian should be able to do the right thing just because it’s the right thing, Rapunzel be damned. 

This cheepens not only his character development but also Rapunzel’s development as well. Rapunzel is not allowed to grow as a person and accept that not everyone wants to be her friend, and that people may have valid reasons to hate her even, and that doesn’t make them evil. 

It also rushes through Varian’s arc undermining what the audience had to get through to get to this point.  

OK, Let’s Talk About The Goatee

I wouldn’t have minded the beard had it just not looked like a fucking barcode. There’s production art where it looks fine. But just wiping it away ties back to what I was talking about in part one. It’s denying Varian the chance to grow up. This is supposed to be his coming of age story as well but the crew won't let him do that because “rule of funny” apparently overrides what the characters actually need in order to develop.  

Once again, the show isn’t a sitcom. You can have comedic moments but the comedy doesn’t need to outright undermine the drama. 

Once Again, Shouldn’t Eugene Be the First Person to Jump to Varian’s Defence?

You mean the orphan on the streets who stole stuff and fought to survive when the adults failed to take care of him? Is that what you’re talking about Eugene? Cause if I remember correctly that was you not just three years ago. 

You Mean Rapunzel Needs Him To Make Her Feel Better About Herself

Spoiler alert, but Varian doesn’t actually do anything after this point in the episode. His entire “redemption” is just about making Rapunzel feel better about herself after Cass has rejected her. He’s literally become the rebound. 

How Come Varian Suddenly Became Shorter Just for This Shot?

I know the meta reason is to reflect that scene back in Queen for a Day when Rapunzel promised him that she'd help him before everything went tits up. Where he was also drawn shorter in that episode to make him seem more verunable, but here he’s just suddenly shorter for only two shots and then suddenly back to his usual height. 

Crap like this is why I insist that Varian didn’t actually get any taller in season three. The show just has always been inconsistent with his height and most of the “evidence” for his growth are cherry picked instances where the show drew him smaller than usual for reasons, like here.   

So Where Did They Get That Much of the Explosives and How Did They Get Them So Fast?

Only Varian knows how to manufacture that stuff. Why would he make that much of it if he was still in the experimental phase with it? He’s even surprised that they have so much, so where did they get it? If they made it then, how did they make it so fast? 

So This Plan Goes Nowhere

Spoiler alert: Varian doesn’t actually get to do any of that. In fact he’s kind of pointless for the rest of the episode. 

Why Would the King and Queen Care About a City That They Can’t Remember?

Like this revenge doesn’t make sense. It’s just a contrived way to get Eugene and Lance out of the way.

If the Quirineon Explodes From Being Exposed to Heat Then What Good Does Just Dropping It Do?

Yeah, remember? The stuff explodes when heated. Simply dropping it shouldn’t do anything other than make a mess on the ground maybe. 

All That Build Up and Varian Still Doesn’t Get to Do Anything Useful

Up till this point, Varian was shown to be the most competent threat in the show. Yet here they have him be a screw up twice in a row just for comedy antics and to glorify Rapunzel again. 

If you got to nerf other characters just to make your main look good then you’ve failed to establish your main character as being capable in their own right. 

Remember That This Boy Was Trapped in a Jail Cell With This Guy for a Year!

No, I’ll never be over this.

Andrew is the most directly violent and scummy out of all of the villians in the show. 

If he’s willing to do this now, if he was willing to do this to his ex-girlfriend, then what the heck was he willing to do when he and Varian were trapped alone together? 

So Andrew Just Willingly Sacrifices His Own People Here....Even Though His Goal Was to Give His People a New Home....

People need to use this gif more often when concerning this show and the villains’ ass-backwards plans.

And yes they survive because of Varian alchemy. But that was on accident. Andrew had no way of knowing that would happen. He’s willing to destroy his own people just to blow up his ancestral homeland and for what!? What does he gain from this action?  

The Mind Wipe Kills Frederic’s and Arianna’s Characters; Littraly

Frederic and Arianna are effectively dead at this point. Anything that made them, well them, has been wiped away. Their personalities, hopes, dreams, their on going stories and development, just gone. And we never get them back, even when their memories supposedly return. 

Varian’s Not Even Allowed to Get the Idea On How to Save Corona...In His Own Redemption Episode No Less

This is his episode! We’ve spent two years building up to this point and you can’t even let him help? He’s denied the chance to make up for his own mistakes! Just so Rapunzel can play hero and be a very shallow representation of what a bunch of men think a “strong” woman should be! 

It’s fucking insulting. That’s what it is. 

Making a female character the center of the universe to the point where other people are just props for her is not empowering! 

No It’s Not!!

Uh you wouldn’t even be here had you just fucking helped Varian to being with you dumb bitch! This is very much you and your father’s mess! 

Even now, while pretending to be responsible, Rapunzel can’t actually be responsible and own up to what she did! 

She’s fucking 20 and the 16 year old shows more maturity than her! 

Also Your Hair Can Protect Two People at Once Rapunzel; Remember?

There’s no excuse for leaving Varian out of the action. We’ve been shown multiple times now that Rapunzel’s magic hair can protect her and other people at the same time. 

Having Rapunzel Save the Day By Herself Undermines Everything the Episode Was Trying to Establish

What happened to needing to “trust again” and letting other people help you? Having Rapunzel save the day alone just tosses out the lesson that the show was trying to build up to. 

The show tries to frame this as Rapunzel learning “responsibility” but that also does not work. For one it was never established that she needed to learn that within the episode itself and secondly, she doesn’t actually do anything different from what she usually does. 

Being an action hero isn’t the same thing as being responsible. Being responsible is being considerate of others, doing the borning shit or mundane crap that you hate, and being mature enough to recognize your own failings and admitting when you were wrong. 

So in the end Rapunzel is neither responsible nor more open to others. 

And There’s the Death of Eugene’s Character

Lance, who has maybe exchanged all of three sentences with Raps, is more distrught than the guy that supposedly wants to marry her. This isn’t heartwarming, nor it is growth. It’s just lobotomizing a character right in front of our eyes. 

In this very episode he was worried about Raps going to face the Saporians by herself and was, guess what, fucking right to do so. But he doesn’t give two shits if she gets blown up!? 

Ooookaaaay.....

This is the completion of turning Eugene into a doormat. From now own he shan’t be allowed to have any thoughts or feelings of his own that disagrees with Rapunzel. 

The Eugene we knew is now dead. 

But Of Course the Show Rewards Everyone for Behaving In the Dumbest Way Possible Anyways

Don’t expect any of these grossly out of character moments and oxygen deprived logic to be addressed nor fixed within the show. The series will keep on shoving unearned endings into our facing while insisting that this is positive development. 

How Did Y’all Get Here Before Varian?

Yes, he was left on a roof, but he can climb and y’all were outside of the city. 

Yeah... A Year and Half Fucking Later!

Ok, a year and three months, but that’s still not any better. Worse, all this implies is that Rapunzel would not have ever concerned herself with trying to free Quirin had Varian not broken out of prison. She would have literally left them both for dead and we’re supposed to find her suddenly doing the bare fucking minimum heartwarming and inspiring?

Where Was the Inciting Incident to Use the Decay Incantation for This? 

How did Rapunzel come up with this plan? When did she come up with it? 

When the hurt incantation was first found no one mentioned how it could be used to save Quirin. No one even gave Quirin a thought. Since then the incarnation hasn’t been brought back up, ever. This is a pretty big leap in logic for Rapunzel to suddenly think of this. 

All it highlights how Varian was originally meant to be there to translate the scrolls and incantations in order to establish all this but of course it got cut so now it just comes the fuck out of nowhere. 

Not Letting Varian Have Anything to Do With Saving His Father Is Even Worse Than Not Letting Him Save the Day

This has been his motivation since the beginning. It’s been the driving plot for a season, and now that the time has finally come what does get to do? 

Hold a dang bucket. 

Part of coming up with satisfying endings is following through on what you’ve established. The audience needs closure. Simply freeing Quirin isn’t enough, we need the carthartis of Varian specifically fulfilling his goal. 

I don’t know how to break this to you Chris, but this isn’t Rapunzel’s story. Not this segment of it anyways. It’s Varian’s and it just so happens to connect to Rapunzel’s. She shouldn’t have been center stage for this. 

The Series Blows It’s Load Too Early with the Incantations

This is the last time we’ll hear any of the incantations sung on screen, cause someone in budgeting didn’t know what was important to throw the money at and what was not. 

It’s not bad here, but if we could only hear one incantation only once this season it needed to be in the finale with the final heal incantation. 

Varian Was Right All Along

Also, all this does is justify Varian’s actions in season one. Rapunzel was indeed the only one who could free his dad according to this. For a series that desperately wants to shove all of the blame onto an abused child’s shoulders they sure go out their way to prove him right. 

So How Is the Hurt Incantation Suppose to Work?

There were so many fan theories after this scene because Varian and Quirin don’t respond to the hurt incantation the same way previous characters had. 

No one is gasping for breath, Varian can touch Raps without burning his hands, and Rapunzel can control the direction of her power. ect. 

Turns out there was nothing there, the writers just didn’t know what the fuck they were doing and made the hurt incantation very inconsistent just like all of the magic in this show. 

BULLSHIT!!!

You literally turn into a villain because she gave up on you!!!!

She also didn’t give two shits about you throughout the entirety of season two. 

Why are we just pretending like season one didn’t exist!? 

Why!?

The Note!!!

No It Fucking Didn’t!

Does That Look Like “I’m Proud of You Son” To You?

Chris went on to confirm that, yes, the note did hold more information that then got cut. Pretty much confirming all that we suspected. That Varian was cut from season two and his story hastily shoved back into season three at the last minute. 

Below is the link to the tumblr post he made.

https://cnotes.tumblr.com/post/190534585146/apparently-one-of-the-writers-said-a-while-back

What’s worse is that his defense is such bullshit. The below exchange pretty much sums it all up.

This Doesn’t Actually Resolve Anything and Is Therefore Unsatisfying to Watch

Part of the reason why this conclusion doesn’t work is because it doesn’t actually address any of the problems that they have in their relationship. Quirin never owns up to what he did wrong. There’s no discussion of what Varian was up to while he was entrapped, no conversation about what secrets Quirin hid from his son, and zero admission of wrongdoing on either side.   

Also Varian has done nothing significant to earn those particular words. Saying I love makes sense, but in context saying “I’m proud of you” does not. It doesn’t even work on a meta level cause the episode prevented Varioan from accomplishing anything. 

It’s empty. 

There Could Have Been More Screen Time to Fix This If Not for Season Two Mucking About

https://discord.com/channels/427940661589704715/569296212218347522/777635115978457098

Above is the link to the original storyboards. It doesn’t fix everything but there’s a lot more satisfying emotional beats including adding Ruddiger back in who is suspiciously absent for the entire episode for no stated reason. 

This version was cut due to time. Which, like with the Crossing the Line song, didn’t need to be had they been more effective with their usage of time in season two. 

They also could have had a better conclusion to Varian’s arc in general had he not been cut from season two altogether. 

So What Does Freeing Quirin Add to the Series?

I’m serious. What does freeing Quirin at this point and time do for the story?

It doesn’t add any character development, Quirin just wanders around aimlessly in the background until the finale and even then his part in that is a pointless dead end. Varian doesn’t gain his emotional closure, just empty, hollow “praise”. Nor is he allowed to accomplish any of his established goals. No new lore or history is exposed. No mystery uncovered. 

There’s no reason why this couldn’t have been done later in the season. Provide more tension and keep up the consequences of the characters actions. Give the mains something to do and work on until Cass and Zhan Tiri show up again.  

The only reason why this is here is to wrap Varian’s story up as soon as possible so he won’t “steal Cassandra’s spotlight”. That’s it. He’s rewarded for conforming to Rapunzel’s will and all the fans should shut up and be grateful, at least according to Chris.

I Like This Song But It Wasn’t Needed

It doesn’t add anything to the story. It’s just a generic celebration song. Which would be fine if it wasn’t for the fact that we have a limited number of songs, even less than in previous seasons, and the story isn’t over yet. This is the wrong place to put a victory song at. 

Especially when we could have had a song that furthered Varian’s redemption instead.  Yeah, that was cut too. 

So Is Varian the New “Lance” This Season?

He’s right there! This is his dang focus episode! 

Why hire Broadway singers and not let them sing!? Why waste talent and money like that? 

Also These Lyrics!

Did Glenn Slater just not read the scripts before writing the songs? That’s all season three ever does! Give the mains what they want without earning it. Even in this very episode!

So Is This Rapunzel’s 20th Birthday or Not?

Ok I have gotten into many a heated debate about how long season three is supposed to be. And that’s because what the crew says doesn’t match what the series shows us. 

By all accounts this should be Rapunzel’s birthday. According to season two she’s been gone for one year, and there’s the lanterns that they fly specifically on her birthday. 

But no one verbally says it’s her birthday and I’ve heard conflicting accounts from different members of the crew. Some stating that it is her 20th birthday and some disagreeing that it is. 

Well I’ll take what evidence that the show actually presents to its audience on screen over what the cast and crew says after the fact any day of the week, so I’ll be gathering up this evidence and proving by the end that season three is two years not one. 

But the fact that I must comb through series to prove this, the fact that we can even have this debate, and the fact that the crew have to state basic info after the series is over is just proof of the bad writing. 

Fun Fact: Cupcakes Weren’t Invented Until the 20th Century

Yeah, that’s the fault of the OG film, and yeah it doesn’t really mean much, but still it’s one more thing to add to the pile of stuff that doesn’t fit. 

Plus I’m just a hardcore nerd for historical cooking and I like to share my knowledge.  

Yeah But How Can He Trust All of You Again?

You’re the ones who let him down first; repeatedly. And you only started to make things up to him once he became useful to you. What assurance does he have that you won’t mistreat him again next time he’s in trouble or is no longer of any use to y’all? 

Yes, Let NOT Show What the Main Character Is Actually Going Through

Yup, this is “Rapunzel’s show” but we’re not going to let Rapunzel have any focus on her feelings or give any insight into her thought process about what is the main conflict of the series now.

Conclusion

Ducktales was robbed! 

I can’t believe this shit won an Emmy for “best writing.” It utterly fails on every possible level. It fails to be a continuation of the ongoing story and it fails to be a stand alone episode. Even the very structure of the story is fundamentally flawed. The only reason why it’s not the worst episode of the entire series because the finale and the penultimate episodes exist. 

Anyways...I finally made it through. It literally took my entire weekend but I’m finally caught up. Next week I’ll be going back to the usual one episode a week schedule. 

[adriannaelle]

Treehouse and Chill

The Simpsons reached another milestone this year with the recent airing of its thirtieth “Treehouse of Horror” special which, coincidentally, is the show’s 666th episode. While certainly not the best installment of this annual series, “Treehouse of Horror XXX” was pretty funny. Still, even the funniest jokes in this episode pale in comparison to some of the classic “Treehouse of Horror” specials. To this day, iconic segments such as “The Shinning”, “The Devil and Homer Simpson”, “Nightmare Cafeteria”, and “Citizen Kang” are still hard to top.

So, in honor of Halloween, thirty years of scary tales, and 90’s nostalgia, I want to briefly discuss my favorite five episodes of the Treehouse of Horror series. As always, ranking articles like these are subjective and are based on personal taste. Therefore, I don’t care if you nor yo’ mama thinks “Treehouse of Horror III” was trash. It’s still going on this list!

Alright, let us continue.

Honorable Mentions: “Treehouse of Horror II”, “Treehouse of Horror VIII”, and “Treehouse of Horror X”

Number Five: “Treehouse of Horror VII” (Season 8, Episode 1; 1996)

Although “The Thing and I” was a strong first segment, I enjoyed it least in “Treehouse of Horror VII”. Don’t get me wrong, I thought the story was pretty funny, I just like the second and third stories better. However, I do have a bone to pick with the ending of “The Thing and I”. Instead of confining Bart to the attic, why not keep both Hugo and Bart around after they discovered Bart was the evil twin? I mean, the family already lived with Bart for 10 years. They might as well kept the mistake going.

“The Genesis Tub” was amusing.  It may be the creative in me, but I really enjoy the concept of creating your own world and overseeing it.  Still, I felt the ending of “The Genesis Tub” was a bit abrupt.  I feel like the writers could have done so much more with the concept of Lisa creating and ruling her own Universe. Maybe she could have assaulted Bart with more fighter pilots. Maybe she could have built a massive ray gun a la the ray gun seen in “Citizen Kang”.  The ideas are limitless.

Speaking of “Citizen Kang”, this story is one of my favorites in the entire Treehouse of Horror series.  It's a brilliant satirical take on elections in the United States and the country’s politicians.  I especially like how the writers make fun of our ridiculous two-party system.  Like really, are our only choices between a drooling, Gangreen Gang, cyclops squid, and his twin sister?  Ross Perot should have brought up Kang’s and Kodos’ emails.  That always works.

Number Four: “Treehouse of Horror III” (Season 4, Episode 5; 1992)

Akin to my feelings about “Treehouse of Horror VII”, I’m only a big fan of two of the three segments in “Treehouse of Horror III”.  “King Homer” was just a’ight to me. Granted, the segment did have a great exchange between Mr. Smithers and Mr. Burns about the former’s distaste of seamen and women mixing.  Yet overall, I didn’t get a kick out of this story as much as I did the other two.

“Clown Without Pity” is a parody of the lauded Twilight Zone episode “Living Doll”.  This segment had its share of funny jokes, particularly the line from Patty about losing the remaining thread of her heterosexuality after seeing Homer horrifically run through the house butt naked.  I also like how the key to turning off the Krusty doll’s murderous rage, is switching the lever from “evil” to “good”.  Like, what happens if the lever accidentally switches back?  What if it breaks and he gets stuck on “evil”?  Take the doll back and get a refund!  Like, what are y’all doing?!

Finally, there is “Dial ‘Z’ for Zombie”.  No matter how self-aware I am about the absurdity of my kinemortophobia (fear of zombies), I still have it.  That is why I hated this segment as a child.  But as a grown woman, I find this story very funny.  It’s a pretty simple zombie story, but the jokes strewn throughout are what make it a highlight of the series.  The joke about Homer being immune to the zombies because he lacks brains is one that stands out in particular.  Also, what are George Washington, Albert Einstein, and William Shakespeare even doing in Springfield?

Number Three: “Treehouse of Horror IV” (Season 5, Episode 5; 1993)

Choosing between “Treehouse of Horror IV” and “Treehouse of Horror V” as my second favorite episode of the series was the hardest.  Ultimately, I prefer V ever so slightly over IV, but IV is a heavyweight in its own right.  “The Devil and Homer Simpson” shows just how far our dimwitted protagonist is willing to go to get his favorite, sugary snack.  You got to be desperate as all hell to sell your soul for a donut!  Other than Homer’s enjoyment of his ironic punishment, the best part of the segment is the trial itself.  The Devil’s voir dire game is trash.  How do you select the jury and still lose the case?  Never hire this man for anything.

“Terror at 5 ½ Feet” is yet another hilarious spin on an old Twilight Zone classic. This parody of “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” stays true to the basic horror elements and story structure as the original tale, but, of course, adds its own Simpsons brand of humor to it. However, unlike the original, Bart is still tormented by the gremlin after he’s hauled off to the psych ward.  Side note, Ned Flanders really took a lot of L’s in this episode.

I’ve never seen nor read the original Dracula, so I do not know how faithful “Bart Simpson’s Dracula” is to the original story.  Well, I guess that doesn’t really matter here because this story is so funny and scary that it holds your attention from beginning to end.  From the super happy fun slide that leads to the vampires in the basement to Homer staking Mr. Burns (Burnscula?) in the crotch, this story provides many laughs that make this story a classic.  Also, the plot twist that Marge (Margecula?) is really the head vampire is funny as hell.  Sorry if that was a spoiler but in fairness, this episode is 26 years old now.

Number Two: “Treehouse of Horror V” (Season 6, Episode 6; 1994)

“Treehouse of Horror V” is solid from beginning to end.  “The Shinning” is firmly in my top five list of favorite Treehouse of Horror segments.  This segment has several hilarious moments, from Homer taking three days to make the voyage to the cabin due to his forgetfulness to the blood not getting off at the right floor, to that scene where the complete lack of television and beer made Homer go . . . something . . . hmm.  Well, anyway, I can definitely say that every time I watch “The Shinning”, I’m feelin’ fine.

“The Shinning” is not the only highlight of this episode.  Homer’s time-traveling escapade in “Time and Punishment” introduced us to numerous interesting alternative timelines that ultimately drove Homer to a pure state of “IDGAF” at the end.  Still sucks that he missed out on that donut rain.  That timeline would have smacked!  

This episode’s final segment, “Nightmare Cafeteria”, truly is the stuff of nightmares. I mean, it’s super funny now that I’m grown, but this segment used to legitimately scare me as a child.  It also didn’t help that I was a fat kid.  Like, imagine living your best life and then the next moment, you’re Ms. Wilson’s Fried Adri.  Woo, chile.

Number One: “Treehouse of Horror” (Season 2, Episode 3; 1990)

It’s often said that nothing beats the original, and in the case of Treehouse of Horror episodes, this sentiment rings true.  The very first Treehouse of Horror is the greatest episode of the series.  One of the highlights of this episode is the dulcet baritone of James Earl Jones as the mover, Serak the Preparer, and the narrator of “The Raven”.

The first segment “Bad Dream House” is a comedic spin on the classic haunted house movie trope.  The quintessential 80s style horror music that accompanies the story throughout greatly adds to the mood of the piece without overdoing it.  The conclusion of “Bad Dream House” is what makes this story so funny.  The house destroys itself rather than live with the Simpsons. I don’t know what it feels like to be curved by a house, but it must make you feel all kinds of insecure.  

“Hungry Are the Damned” is our first introduction to Treehouse staples Kang and Kodos.  It is also our introduction to the sorely missed Serak the Preparer, who definitely needs to return at least once in this series.  This segment parodies the classic Twilight Zone episode “To Serve Man” and gives us a humorous plot twist at the end.  I suppose this episode also serves as a sort of origin story of Kang’s and Kodos’ beef with mankind because this is the only episode where they are genuinely nice.  Dang, all Lisa had to do was sit down and eat her food. Literally.

Finally, there is “The Raven”, which is absolutely my favorite segment in any Treehouse of Horror Episode.  What I like most about “The Raven” is how the crew manages to add comedy to the piece without losing any of the mystique of Edgar Allen Poe’s riveting poetry.  It also made this poem a bit easier to understand, which I greatly appreciate.  It’s a refined piece of television without the pompousness of the bourgeois.  In short, I like it. 

Honestly, no matter which of the thirty Treehouse of Horror episodes you like best, all are great for watching on Halloween for squeamish, easy-to-scare people like me.  So for those of us who aren’t bravely equipped to watch the more realistic, gory, and scary productions, I highly recommend binge-watching these episodes for some softer scary vibes and lots of laughs.

[madscientistjournal]

Fiction: The Titan Through the Dust

An essay by Claire Gainsborough, as provided by Joachim Heijndermans Art by Leigh Legler

You’ve seen it. Everyone’s seen it. Kids know of it from their school books. It’s been on TV, in movies, and in every history book published in the years after the incident of Singapore City. Hell, even if you’ve never seen the actual shot, you’ll know it from the ripoffs and the parodies and the references by college kids trying to be artsy in their projects. Cultural osmosis, I think they call it. It’s a hell of a thing, to have your work be absorbed by the current zeitgeist and spat back out, like a cheesy meme passed around on Twitter, to the point that everyone around the world will instantly recognize your photo on sight, even if they have never heard your name.

And I gotta say, with the passage of time, I don’t know how I even feel about the shot anymore. For one thing, it’s been nearly twenty years since I aimed that camera, pressed my index finger down, and made a piece of history in a split second of time. So yeah, that part’s cool. But you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone familiar with any of my other work. Last year I had a book collection of my travel photography published in conjunction with Nat Geo. Sales were so-so. Biggest complaint? That shot wasn’t in it. That’s all that people want anymore. Kagemura, on the most devastating day of my life.

Is this what Eisenstaed felt like when he shot that photo of the VJ day in New York? I doubt it, because even if that kiss was forced and all that, it still had some sense of beauty to it. A joy was captured in that scene. My shot? It’s beautiful in its own terrifying way. But I just see the carnage. Carnage in blood, rubble, and dust. Absolute carnage.

~

This morning I got an offer to do the photography at a wedding. It’s a famous couple. You know them, I guarantee it, but I signed an NDA before I even met with them, so I can’t say much about it other than that the money is blasphemously great. Had I accumulated any, I could have paid back my college loan debts three times over. It’s insane. And do you know what they called me when they rang me up? Claire? Of course not. I was “that Kagemura lady.” They wanted that style for their reception. As in, that exact style. Happiest day of their life, but shot in a sepia tone and with the sun partially blocked. I said yes, obviously, as the KSF needs the cash more than I do. My best guess is they just didn’t realize people actually died when I took it.

I’m tired of talking about the shot in public, to be honest. Because that’s all that people discuss when the topic of my work comes up. The technique. The type of lens I used. The other dumb crap. And it’s so … what’s the word I’m looking for? Dull. Yeah, that’s it. It’s dull. It’s technical jargon and people standing around printouts of it with glasses of champagne in hand, each of them trying to find something new and profound to say about the photo. In the end, it’s just words. Words about a picture I took in the spur of the moment as I was half-suffocated by ash and grime.

Nobody ever asks what it was like, being there when it all came down. I think that’s why they’re all drawn to the photo. It’s a way to get close, but not too close to the actual awfulness of it all. The Disneyland version of it, where they can see the horrible monster without having to think about what it can do and what it did.

I want to talk about that day. What it was like. This is what happened on that day when I shot The Titan Through the Dust. My opus, I suppose.

~

Do people take gap years anymore? Or is that just a rich people thing these days? I swear, every time I talk to a student who either has never heard of a gap year, or worse, mentions they couldn’t afford it because they have student loans to pay back, it just reminds me again and again how I was born with a silver spoon up my ass. I love my mom and my dads, who really did their best to pool everything two orthodontists and a lawyer could scrape together to get their ditzy daughter through college pain-free, but boy howdy did they shield me from the realities of the world. Might be why it hit me as hard as it did when the earth literally opened up that day.

Anyway, I’m off topic. Back to the event.

I’d just graduated with my BA in programming and game design. Yeah, that’s right. Claire Gainsborough, the one whose book your mom has on the coffee table and who shot that photo you owned the poster of, wanted to make a career for herself in video game production. The art critics either tactfully neglect to mention that whenever they praise my photo work, or somehow bring up the supposed influence that “Banjo-Kazooie” on the N64 had on my choice of angle and lighting. I don’t know if any of that is true, as I only played it for about a week and a half during a retro-game bender in college, but whatever. To wrap it up, I graduated the course and had my fill of screens and code and engines after four years, so I chose to take a year to travel. I wanted to see the world and snap some pictures along the way to fill up a scrapbook or a blog or something. I never expected to go down in the history books as the next Joe Rosenthal, which only happened after my photo began circulating around the net and Nadaria, my agent, hooked me in and began to tour my shot, helping me realize I had a knack for a good photo. Lucky me, falling into a career like that.

I’ve often thought about going back into video games, make a simple platformer or an RPG with cute cartoon animals who save the world. But I just can’t seem to muster the drive to sit down and do it. I mean, making video games? After what I witnessed and lived through? It seems so quaint … no, childish even. How do I imagine the fantastical anymore? How can I create the illusion of power, when I’ve seen what real, actual raw ball-busting power looks like in the flesh? Now that I know what it feels like as it walks past you, too large to notice something as insignificant as me? What the air around it tastes like as it marches onward? How can anything compare? Well, I guess only Team Ico got close, and maybe those “God of War” guys, but still–

Wait, wasn’t I talking about gap years? Sorry. I got way off topic.

~

So, my gap year. The idea was that I’d backpack through Asia. Had a whole route planned out. I’d start in Jakarta and see all the Indonesian islands one by one (which I did in three weeks’ time). Then it would be on to Singapore, then Malacca, Kuala Lumpur, Krabi in Thailand, and so on up the peninsula and into the continent. My final stop would be in Wakkanai, the most northern spot on Hokkaido, Japan. It was going to be the experience of a lifetime. Just traveling, seeing the sights, taking selfies, and going out at night with whomever I met along the way. Food. Sun. Shots out of someone’s belly button. And maybe there’d be things that would go horribly wrong, and I would have had to wash dishes for a week to get my ticket out of there. Something I would vlog about and then do a book and the whole shebang. Then, twenty years down the line, they’d make a movie about it with someone who doesn’t look a thing like me, but is willing to look less pretty on screen for when the awards season rolls around. That’s where I was with my mind at the time. Just laughs, experiences and the idea of fame coming from my Asian trek.

I didn’t get that far, barely a quarter way of the journey. As you might guess, my third day in Singapore was the March the 23rd. The first Kagemura Ascendance. Day Zero.

What I did those first two days in Singapore is a haze for me now. I doubt anyone really remembers what they did on half their vacations down the line. But I’ll tell you this: everyone who was there can recall that day with near 100% accuracy. I guarantee it. What they had for lunch. Who they talked to. What clothes they put on that morning. All of it. Trust me on this one.

As for me? I was in the midst of an iced coffee and a croissant with an omelet and chives, which I’d told myself would be the only familiar food I’d eat that day (part of the whole “experience the local cuisine” thing I was going for). It was 10:32 AM on the dot, and breakfast was coming to a close in the dining area. I had my nose in my tablet … like, nose in the book, but I guess it doesn’t go in a tablet. Is there a phrase for that? Dang. I’m rambling. Sorry. I always ramble when that day comes up. It’s … it’s difficult to talk about this. But anyway, I was planning out my day, when my glass trembled. And when I say trembled, I mean it was flung right off my table.

That’s when it started.

~

It’s funny, but the camera I used that day? A hand me down. The most famous modern photographer, and I didn’t even go out and get my own equipment. It was one of my dad’s, my biological one, who had bought it for a summer trip he and my step-mom were going to take down to Tijuana. Then he won an even better one at a sweepstakes thing with the Shoprite around the block, so he gave me the Canon for my trip.

It’s never taken more than thirty photos, and twenty-eight of them are pics from the plane, the hotel, and the pool that was on the roof. The other two are from after the attack. The camera itself now sits on my mantle, still dirty and containing its original memory card. A conversation piece, really. I use better stuff for work.

I don’t know why I keep it. I’ve had to fish it out of the trash over six times, thrown out during my darker mood episodes that are common to people with survivor’s guilt (according to my therapist). Two other times, Carla, the lady who comes in every Tuesday to clean, pulled it out. She just put it back and never said a word about it. She looks out for me. Bless her heart. I should really be nicer to her. Like, to her face, instead of anonymously paying her daughter’s college tuition as I have been.

But yeah, the camera. It sometimes drives me batty. It sits there, reminding me of what I’d done. What I could have done. There are still days I desperately want to get rid of it. But then I would blind the last eye that saw them.

~

It was so sudden. There wasn’t any build up to it at all. A calm, serene morning the one moment, and then the earth broke open like a fresh baguette ripped in two. A horrible noise blasted past us, a sound wave of broken steel and ten billion nails against ten billion chalkboards, that threw us from our feet. Before anyone could react, the glass in all the windows shattered, broken by the pitch of the sound. That was the first roar, but I didn’t find that out until later.

I wasn’t hurt, but I could hear the people in the streets scream as the shards came down on them. While everyone else in the dining area ran for the nearest exit and the stairs, I leaped under my table, which might have been what saved me from what came after. Not a conscious choice. Just a habit I picked up from my time dealing with the L.A. quakes.

Now, for a while, I didn’t have a clue what was going on outside. There weren’t any tremors after the initial quake, but from the sounds, I knew it had to be bad. I just stayed where I was, in case someone came to get me. No one did. In fact, the first sign that things were weird was the sudden collective silence. There were some loud astonished gasps and some incoherent yelling, but it didn’t sound like anyone was in a panic.

Then came the second roar. And with that, hell was unleashed on the city.

There are reports of what happened in the initial strike as it emerged. I’ve read them all, but they don’t mean anything to me. Just a list of factoids and hypotheses about its tunneling ability and how long it laid dormant underneath Singapore, a sleeping giant upon which we just built a city. What I could gather from them was that, just by coming up from its resting place, it took out three of the adjacent buildings in an instant. After that, it stumbled about for a bit. While it wasn’t like it was immediately attacked, something must have set it off in a real bad way, because what it did next is what hit the building I was in.

But back to the massive tremor that knocked everything over. At the time, I thought it was an earthquake, which is why I leaped under the table. That theory went out the window the second a purple beam of pure heat ripped across the city skyline and shredded through buildings. The Summer Palms hotel I was in lost its top eight floors in one swoop. If anyone screamed, I didn’t hear it on account of my eardrums shattering (still have the tinnitus as a souvenir).

I think I may have hidden under that table for a good ten to fifteen minutes before I crawled out. Dust was already coming down like snow in December, but I could feel the rays of the sun hitting me. The roof was gone. Not broken. Not damaged. Gone. Rendered to dust.

As I look back now, I’m surprised as all hell that I didn’t panic. Somehow I kept myself level, waited for a couple of minutes after the heat blast took out the top floors, then just grabbed my backpack and ran for the exit, nearly tripping over people that just lay there in the path. Were they dead or unconscious? I haven’t the foggiest, as I was too busy trying not to get trampled by the others who made their way down. But I remember cursing myself for going out to breakfast in flip-flops that day, since they made my escape three times harder. I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs, bruising my knee and scraping my arms. It hurt, but I forgot about the pain when another beam blasted overhead. I saw its purple light ripping through a cloud of dust, but the sound from within was that of steel melting, foundation crumbling, and screams silenced in an instant. I didn’t think about it, or at least I tried not to. I just ran down the stairs with one thought on my mind: escape. Run like hell and try to make it out on the street. Maybe there would be somewhere I could hide. Find an ambulance or a cop I could hitch a ride with. Be anywhere but a demolished building that could topple down any moment.

Then the stairs collapsed right out from under me.

~

Hours had passed when I finally woke back up, though I didn’t find out about that until later. When I came to, there was nothing but darkness around me. Engulfed in panic, I shrieked and flailed my arms wildly in an attempt to break free, thinking I’d been trapped. Technically, I was, but it wasn’t rubble I was stuck under. Three men, two women, and a potted plant had tumbled on top of me and shielded me from the debris. There were other people, who all laid there as limp ragdolls, with not a single sign of life among them. I remember I started sobbing, even though no tears were coming out of my eyes. For a bit, I stumbled in the semi-darkness to try and find a way out by touch, which I did eventually. Bad news? It was blocked with rubble. No way out but either wait for help or dig. I seriously considered just waiting it out. Help would come soon, and I wasn’t in a bad place. Then the earth shook again. So I dug.

Like a frightened mole, I burrowed my way through the dirt with ferocious speed till my fingers bled. I credit my adrenaline for giving my 125 pound frame the strength I needed to get out of there, even as I hacked up my lungs in the process. It wasn’t until that first beam of light hit my face that my heart finally stopped trying to leap out from my chest.

Wasting no time for comfort, I dug out a hole large enough for me to fit through. I pushed my bag out and followed suit, writhing like a worm after a rainstorm. I stumbled and fell twice, scraping my knees again, but I’d done it. I’d made it outside on the street, although I still couldn’t breathe for shit, with the massive dust cloud seeping right into my nostrils and lungs. My eyes narrowed in an attempt to keep the dust out of them. None of it mattered. I was deaf, dumb, and blind, stumbling through a cloud of dirt. Every exhale was a cough. I could feel the blood in my lungs and tear ducts. I knew with absolute certainty I was going to die. But I still kept going.

It was then that I remembered the bottle of water in my backpack. I scrambled for it blindly, overjoyed to find it unbroken. With some sloppy haste, I pooled some of it into my hand and splashed it in my face. A reprieve. Water had never felt that good on my skin. And with that, I got my sight back.

Then I wished I hadn’t.

~

There’re these two paintings by Goya. They get brought up and compared a lot in the art books that have my photo in them. Pose and lighting and all that. I do see it. And yet (and I’m going to be completely honest here), I’d never seen them before I took that picture. But I see their point when the comparison is brought up again and again between The Colossus and my photo. Goya couldn’t have known what it would be like, to see a massive behemoth waltz across through mist and smoke. But he nearly got it. Out of all the paintings, he came the closest. Because he got the dust right.

The dust. That’s all I could see that day. The dust. After the first few buildings collapsed, the dust shot out over every inch of the city. It became a cloud. No, not a cloud. More of a ghost. A specter. A second monster, a mollusk of granite and ash and human remains that fell down on the city like a sheet of pain and tears. The bride of the beast, a herald to its approach and a silent mourner, standing vigil in the wake of its terrible walk. I remember the dust more than Kagemura itself. The creature was just a flash that passed by, shone its giant eyes down at the little people screaming for their lives below, then stomped off.

There’s a second Goya painting. Saturn devouring his Son. This giant titan, the most ghastly dude you can ever imagine, is ramming this little kid into his gaping maw, all on account of a prophecy that proclaimed his children would bring his downfall. He eats a child to preserve his own future.

Goddammit, Goya. Get the hell out of my head.

~

Dust. Nothing but a giant cloud of dust as far as the eye could see. I felt like I’d walked into a grey-brown fog, and the city that had been there a few hours earlier was now a “Silent Hill” level, but a lot hotter. With the towel from my backpack, I made a mask to cover my nose and face, while I blocked my eyes with my hands, peering through my fingers. For some reason, I also took out my camera, the Canon, and just held onto it. I’m not sure why. Maybe as my last testament? Was I that certain of my death?

Now, I had no idea what to do next. Where was I walking to? To safety. Where was that? I didn’t have a clue. There were faint sirens that came from every direction. Muffled screams beyond the dust clouds. And me in the middle of it all.

I picked a direction on pure instinct and just booked toward it. Me, missing one flip-flop and with half a bottle of water, a towel, and a camera, shuffled in the direction to what I’d assumed was away from the danger. My foot got cut up on the rocks and debris, but I managed by some miracle to avoid any glass shards. Here and there I’d see what I thought were bodies, but to keep myself from completely losing it, I tried to block them out.

Then I heard it again, even with my fuzzy hearing and blood-soaked ears. The sound that had announced its attack and shattered all the glass. The sound of hell. The roar. I turned around, trying to see where it was coming from, which seemed like from all directions at once. Destruction in surround sound. Each breath was a hurricane. The beat of its heart was an earthquake. While I couldn’t see it through all the dust and debris, I knew it was close. Hell, I didn’t even know what “it” was at the time. The sounds were just unexplained noises. I still thought it was some kind of a bomb at the time. That’s what I assumed the source of the heat was. I tried to rationalize it all. Terrorists. A war. Or an accident. Gas pipes. All these rational explanations for all that horror. Something to just make a little sense of it all.

And then I saw it. For real this time, as it stepped right over me. I couldn’t comprehend what I was looking at. But in that moment, like a reflex, I aimed the camera and pressed the button.

~

A few weeks ago, in an interview with Time for the tenth anniversary of the Singapore attack, I told them that I’d only seen Kagemura the one time, back when I snapped the picture. That’s actually not true, and I should apologize for my lie. I’d actually seen it twice. The second time was about seven years after Singapore, during the three-year hiatus when they couldn’t locate the creature anywhere, during my trip to Switzerland. Yeah, you’ve seen the story. You know where this is going.

I was in the midst of climbing to the top of a mountain whose name I can’t remember, because who cares what mountains are called anymore when actual titans now walked the earth? I climbed it because I hated skiing and I wanted to get away from the world and the aura of sorrow and fear it had wrapped itself in since the monster began to walk across the landscape. Stupid me.

I saw it in the early morning, lit up by the early sun’s rays as it breached the dew that descended from the Alps with its massive frame. It was actually more bizarre to see it there. A giant crab/dinosaur/eel that keeps going in and out of the Chinese sea wasn’t that out of place in that area, if you know what I mean. But in Switzerland, among the green hills glistening with dewdrops and the sturdy pine trees that formed a carpet of bark and needles, it was as if Heidi suddenly got a weird last chapter. It was more alien than ever out there. Especially since it didn’t do anything.

There was no fire that day. There were no screams. It wasn’t even loud. A complete one-eighty from that day in Singapore. It just lurched forward and slowly made its way past the hills and mountains, cloaked in the haze that was the mists of Switzerland. Wrapped in a cloak of morning dew and fog, rather than fire and dust, it looked beautiful this time around, as it rested itself against the mountainside. Had I brought my camera, I would have gotten my second Pulitzer. Yeah, I sound like a cocky bitch, but I’ve got the royalty checks and the big gold coin on my shelf next to my Pikachu change jug, so I’d like to think I have the cred to back that statement up.

Now, how do you react to something like that? I was on vacation in Switzerland for God’s sakes, with uncomfortable hiking boots and two walking sticks in hand. I expected it all to just be pine trees and purple cows from those chocolate wrappers. Nothing weird, and certainly not it. But there it was, among the Alps without a care in the world.

For years, I’d imagined how I would react if I ever ran into Kagemura again. I thought I’d scream insults. That’d I’d raise hell as jet fighters bombed the shit out of it. Or that I’d at least flip it off, should it happen to look my way. But no. I did nothing. I just watched it for a while as it stumbled slowly around, pushing clouds aside by merely exhaling. After about ten minutes or so, it moved out of sight into the fog. I could hear its steps, as the tremors became gentler and gentler. Just like that, it went away. Then I went back to the hotel, listened to the other guests freak out about the giant prints across the landscape, had my tea, got a book from the book-swap shelf, and called it a day. Stayed there until they evacuated us all.

I’ve never told anyone else that story. Lucky you.

~

It stopped for a moment, as a thunderous rumble emitted from its throat (think a lion growl, but a billion of them at once), then tilted its head back to let out a deafening roar. And me? I took aim, clicked, and took the photo that defined that day and the rest of my life.

Seeing it that first time, my mind went blank. The words “what” and “the fuck” and “is that?”. A giant lizard-like thing waltzed right over me. One wrong step, and I’d have been jelly on the pavement. But as soon as it passed me, I could barely make it out anymore through the dust. The only part I got a good look at was its long, almost chameleon-like tail, which ripped through the buildings like a whip as it twisted. All I could make out was its silhouette, partially illuminated by the purple glow from its eyes. I’m not going to lie: it was beautiful. For a moment, I completely forgot how terrible everything was. There was just me and it, a skinny girl in shorts with a camera, and a creature unlike any the world had ever seen. It stopped for a moment, as a thunderous rumble emitted from its throat (think a lion growl, but a billion of them at once), then tilted its head back to let out a deafening roar. And me? I took aim, clicked, and took the photo that defined that day and the rest of my life. Like I said before: a split-second that neither I nor anyone else will ever forget.

You know what question I get asked the most? Whether I took any other shots of Kagemura later. Do they seriously think I went and ran after it? Do I look like Jimmy Olsen? It was thirty stories high, and that was back before it was full grown! No way did I risk my life like that.

But there was a second picture I took on that “fateful” day (as they call it in the history books). It was right after Kagemura made its way through the main street, right through those four buildings. And it was the only one I took with the intent for people to see it. No one did. Or if they did, no one cared. Everyone was in such awe of the best picture taken in the history of humanity, they neglected the picture I took of humanity.

It was a girl. She must have been around fifteen or sixteen, though she looked decades older. Her skin had been turned a smeared dark grey, with soot and ash clinging to her body. Her mouth was agape, gasping for air as strands of spittle clung to her chin. Then, without warning, a deep, bone-chilling wail escaped her. I stood there, frozen and coated in the same grey goop that rained from the sky, unsure if I should approach her gently or just grab her and try to find shelter. It was then I noticed she held something in her arms. At first, I thought it was a doll. But what teenager carries around a doll, especially in a disaster zone.

When it clicked for me, I nearly puked on my feet. I stood there, dry heaving bile and what little I had in my stomach out on the street, while this young girl wept for the charred body in her arms. When I regained my composure, I … I just stood there. I watched the woman cry with wild abandon. I could have approached her. I could have helped her. Shared my water or taken her by the hand and tried to find help with her in tow. But what did I do?

I raised the camera and snapped a photo. The second I took that day. And no, I have no idea why I took it, instead of anything else I could have done. But it was something real. Something human in a sea of unknown horror. And I approached it like the tourist I was.

A part of me likes to think I was going to help her and the child in her arms. Or do anything. Anything! And maybe I would have, if Kagemura hadn’t turned around.

A squadron of jets dived toward it. Missiles flew. More fire. The creature roared, snarling at the little men in the little metal birds. Like flies, they nimbly dodged its claws as they unloaded volley after volley right into it, so for a moment, I thought they might actually hurt it. But another purple light dashed through the dust, ripping those jets to shreds. It was then I saw that those beams came from its mouth. Its mouth! Do you have any idea how insane that looked at the time?

I turned to the woman, holding the body. She must have been about my age. The girl in her arms couldn’t have been more than ten. She screamed as Kagemura turned around and made its return down the street. As in right toward us. I looked at her, my legs frozen in place. She reached out at me. Then the second step hit the earth, which nearly knocked me off my feet. That’s when I snapped to. That’s when I did what I did.

I wish I knew their names.

~

I don’t have any copies of Dust in my home out for display. I don’t want that to be the centerpiece around which I’ve build my life. All the stuff I have for that one, the books and posters and trophies and accolades, are packed into storage boxes up in the attic. The only thing of that day I have out are these two photos on my nightstand. A photo of a young woman, cradling her little sister’s body, while the shadow of a woman falls on them. The second is a selfie of me, with ash caked into my hair and a stream of tears leaking down my cheeks. I took it after I made it to a rescue center to let my mom know I was okay. I’m alone in it.

I survived on my own. I’d ran for what felt like hours, alone. I dodged boulders of cinderblock and concrete and rebar, alone. I was even showered with empty bullet shell casings from a helicopter strike, all alone.

I could’ve taken her by the hand. I could have stayed with her. But I didn’t. No, I ran. And I became famous and rich for a photo that the smallest drone can take way better nowadays (which they have, as you can see on the Kagemura Tracker Stream). Yeah, good call Claire. Awesome choice.

My shrink tells me not to blame myself. But did she ever see Kagemura in the flesh? No. All of my exes, who just couldn’t deal with the moods and the night terrors, told me I couldn’t have done anything to help her, which is clearly bullshit meant to make me feel better. My agent always sends me clips of Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting (“It’s not your fault”) whenever I send him drunken e-mails at three in the morning about how awful I am for surviving, which in all honesty make me feel so much worse.

No matter what I do. No matter how much money I give away or pump into the Kagemura Survivor Fund or places it’s stomped through I visit to drum up aid, her face never goes away. Who was that in her arms? Did she love that child? Was it hers? A sibling? Or just a kid she tried to save, because that’s the kind of person I imagine her to be.

And if you’ll excuse me, I can’t breathe right now.

~

There are nights, the ones where I can’t sleep, that I just stare at my phone at the KTS. I see its face in full hi-def. Cracked, green-purple skin. Mad, almost insane eyes that look like those of a crazed crocodile, with rows of teeth like an angler fish. I still can’t believe this is the same thing I saw in that dust cloud. There’s no beauty to it. Just rage and pain, lashing out at the world as it marches wherever the winds take it. I’d say I know what that’s like, minus the lashing out and the laser breath. Sometimes I envy that part.

I hate Kagemura. I absolutely hate it. It has become everything that my life revolves around, whether I let it or not. But it’s also the only one who was there in that street. Would it remember me? No, that’s insane. I dunno; I’m rambling. Sorry.

I want to like myself. I did at one point. But now it’s gone. And I tell myself the Titan on the other side of the dust is to blame. But no. It was the cowardly twenty-two-year old who ran. No one forced her. She did that.

Now, when Kagemura shows up on screen, all I see anymore is a reflection, staring right back at me.

Claire Gainsborough, B.A., is a graduate of the School of Greater Design in Pasadena, CA. During her gap year, she survived the Day Zero event of the first Kagemura Ascendance in Singapore. After her trials, she became the most renowned photographer of our modern age, among the highlights being her works “The Titan Through the Dust,” “The Royal Wedding of the Prince and his Husband,” and the “Tezuka in Blue” series.

She currently lives in Colorado and can be contacted through her agent in New York.

Joachim Heijndermans writes, draws, and paints nearly every waking hour. Originally from the Netherlands, he’s been all over the world, boring people by spouting random trivia. His work has been featured in a number of publications, such as Ahoy Comics, Asymmetry Fiction, Gathering Storm Magazine, Hinnom Magazine, and The Gallery of Curiosities, and he’s currently in the midst of completing his first children’s book. You can check out his other work at www.joachimheijndermans.com, or follow him on Twitter: @jheijndermans.

Leigh’s professional title is “illustrator,” but that’s just a nice word for “monster-maker,” in this case. More information about them can be found at http://leighlegler.carbonmade.com/.

“The Titan Through the Dust” is © 2019 Joachim Heijndermans Art accompanying story is © 2019 Leigh Legler

Fiction: The Titan Through the Dust was originally published on Mad Scientist Journal

[headfulloffantasies]

Home is Where the Devil Lives

Peter loves his new apartment. Matt does not.

Peter’s new apartment was a dream, a castle, compared to the rat hole he’d been living in. He had a second bedroom! And a kitchen without vermin. And a bathroom that actually fit a sink next to the shower and toilet. The only problem was that Matt hated it.

Peter dragged a half conscious Daredevil in through the fire escape after a brutal smack down with Kingpin.

“You’re lucky this place is so close,” Peter griped. “You wouldn't have made it to Hell’s Kitchen.”

Daredevil didn’t respond, too busy bleeding profusely from a knife wound to the ribs. Peter thumped through the window onto his orange rug.

“Alexa, turn on the lights and raise the heat to 20 degrees.”

“Turning on the lights,” the robot voice answered.

Matt stirred, tipping his head to the side. “Who’s that?”

“Alexa, say hi to Matthew.”

“Hi, Matthew.” Alexa echoed.

“You have an AI?” Matt slurred slightly.

“Nah,” Peter said as he got Matt settled on the couch. “It’s an Amazon smart home. It turns on the lights and connects to the internet and stuff.”

Peter dug his first aid kit out from under the kitchen sink and padded back to Matt. 

“Take this,” Peter held out a couple of painkillers. 

“I don’t want ‘em,” Matt groaned, twisting on the couch.

“Trust me, you will. I am awful with a needle.”

“You sew your own costumes.”

“That is fabric. Why does everyone think sewing skin is the same thing?”

Peter coaxed Matt into taking the pills. He peeled back Matt’s suit and swore. 

“Don’t bleed on my couch, it’s new.”

“It smells like cat.”

“It’s new to me.”

Peter finally finished the stitches and sat back to admire a bad job done with good intentions. He passed Matt his phone.“You’re staying here tonight. Call Foggy and tell him you’re not going into work tomorrow.”

Matt shook his head, trying to push himself up on his elbows. He got about halfway there. “I’m fine. I’ll make it.”

“You will not. It’s freezing out.”

“No it’s not.”

Peter crossed his arms. “Alexa, what’s the current temperature?”

“It is currently 2 degrees Celsius.”

Peter splayed his palms to silently say “I told you so”. It wasn’t wasted on blind eyes.

“I don’t care.”

“I do. I will not be responsible for my lawyer dying of pneumonia.”

Peter moved into the kitchen to give Matt some privacy.

He shouldn’t have bothered. Matt on drugs didn’t know how to control his volume level. Peter heard Matt’s entire side of the conversation.

“Come and get me,” Matt hissed. “I hate it here.”

Ouch. And yeah, there was a layer of sarcasm in Matt’s voice, but no more than he usually buttered onto conversations. 

Peter was hurt. How long had he and Matt been friends? Did Matt hate his other apartment too? Duh, Parker, even you hated that apartment. But then what gives? The new place was dope. There was running water that wasn’t brown. Maybe it wasn’t about the apartment, maybe it was Peter. Nope, not going there, that hurt too much.

When he was done being hurt Peter was angry. Not everyone could afford penthouses and silk sheets, Double D. Some of us are just happy to have a place to hang our mask.

Matt stayed the night on the couch, but Peter wasn’t sure he’d actually slept. There were deep purple bags under the bruises on Matt’s face in the morning.

“D’you mind if I put on the radio while I make breakfast?” Peter asked as he pulled his skillet out of the cupboard. Matt made a wavy hand gesture of deference.

“Alexa, play my radio station.”

“Turning on the radio.”

Matt flinched as the announcers came on. 

“-whereabouts unknown. And in other news, the vigilante Daredevil was spotted with Spider-man last night at the docks. This reporter wonders if the two have formed a superhero swim team. That’s all for me, folks. Tune back in to Hero Watch after the break for our hot take on the Hulk’s dating life.”

“What is this?” Matt asked.

“Hm?” Peter hummed as he cracked an egg into the frying pan. “Oh, it’s Hero Watch. They report on street level heroes like us.” Peter ducked his head. “I know it’s silly to listen to what people say about Spider-man, but it’s kind of a parody show? They make up ridiculous stories.”

They listened to the rest of the show, laughing until Matt’s stitches pulled. 

Peter left for work, assuring Matt that he could stay on Peter’s couch as long as he needed. When Peter came home he was disappointed to find his blankets folded neatly at the end of the couch and no trace of Matt anywhere.

A week later, Matt swore up and down he was well mended and ready to go bust some heads.

“Alexa, call Matt.”

“Calling Matt.”

“Hello?” 

“Are we going out tonight?” Peter asked, hopping on one foot as he tried to pull his sock on.

“Are you putting on socks?” Matt asked.

Peter froze. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

“I listen to 3000 people a day putting their socks on. I know a sock hop when I hear it. I also know what it sounds like when you trip and smash your coffee table. Sit down and put your socks on like an adult. I can be ready to go in ten.”

“Meet me at my apartment?” 

“I’ll be on the roof.” Matt agreed.

“It’s cold. Meet me inside.”

“Roof. Ten minutes.”

“Call ended.” Alexa announced.

Peter glumly stared about his apartment. He liked it. It was soft, all done up with lots of blankets in the living room and lacy blue curtains in the kitchen that Aunt May had helped him pick out. It was comfortable. So what was Matt’s problem?

“Alexa, does my apartment smell?”

“I do not have a nose,” Alexa said. “I have seventy one internet results for getting rid of smells if you are interested?”

“No thanks,” Peter said, heading to his room to change into the Spidey suit.

Peter moaned to MJ about it in the Starbucks by her loft.

“Matt hates my apartment.”

“That’s because he’s bougie trash.” MJ said without looking up from her vanilla latte.

Peter was scandalized. “He is not!”

“He makes his own granola and won’t use brand name fabric softener. He’s bougie.”

That wasn’t fair, Peter knew. Matt was sensitive. He made his own food because tasting other people’s hands was gross. He used natural based fabric softeners because the artificial smells in brand names gave Matt headaches. 

“Does my place smell?”

“No, but your couch reeks of cat.”

Dang it. 

Aunt May’s birthday was next Sunday. Peter had been planning a surprise party at his apartment, and the only thing that would prevent him from going through with it would be an alien invasion.

All that was left to do was send out invitations. Because Peter was an exemplary millennial, he sent a group text invite. He left Matt a voice mail invitation specifically so Matt wouldn’t have to deal with Peter’s copious emojis. 

Peter sat on his saggy cat couch and watched the RSVPs come in. 

Alexa suddenly said, “New voicemail.”

“Alexa, play voicemail.”

Matt’s tinny voice filtered from Alexa’s speaker. “Hi Peter. I’m not going to make it to May’s party. I’ve got an appointment out of town that day.”

Peter deflated. 

This had gone on long enough.

The next night,  Peter went up to the rooftop to meet Daredevil. 

Matt swung up over the ledge, his red suit dark as blood in the twilight.

“Hey kid.”

Peter tugged his mask off. “Can I talk to you as a real person?” He asked.

Matt copied him by removing his mask. “What’s up, kiddo?”

Peter forgot how weird it was to watch Matt’s milky eyes search him out. Matt always settled his gaze close to eye contact, but he tended to miss by a bit, staring at people’s left ear or their nose.

“You really can’t make it Sunday?”

“I have an urgent appointment I can’t reschedule.”

Uh huh. Likely story.

“I know you hate my apartment.” 

Matt stiffened.

Whoops. Secrets are supposed to stay on the inside of mouths, Peter. But now that it was out of the bag, why not air it out? 

“Does it smell? Is it too loud? Is it too cold? Do you not like my cow salt shakers? Are the blankets not soft enough? I can get better blankets.”

“Peter,” Matt stopped him. “It’s not about the apartment.”

Peter’s stomach dropped. “You don’t like me.” The tears that sprang to his eyes surprised him. “It’s fine, I get it-,”

“Kid, listen with your ears, not your mouth,” Matt snapped.

Peter swallowed hard, nodding.

Matt scrubbed the back of his neck. He was flushed all the way to his red hair. “Your A.I. freaks me out.”

Peter blinked. “Alexa?”

“Yeah. She’s listening to everything, but she’s not really there.”

“She’s not spying on us, Double D.”

“I know that!” Matt rubbed his hands together, looking very lost. Just this once, Peter did the smart thing and stayed quiet.

Matt started again. “Alexa talks and it’s not right. I can hear the dissonance in her voice. And it’s like there’s a whole person in the room, but I can’t find her heartbeat, she doesn’t breathe, or smell, or have body heat. She’s like a ghost.”

“Oh.” Peter said. He never considered that Matt’s abilities might cause him pain in the absence of stimuli. “What do you want to do about it?”

Matt shrugged. “There’s not really anything I can do. I’m just going to have to get used to it.”

That didn’t seem fair. Peter had a long think. “What if I turn Alexa off when you come over?”

Matt tipped his head to one side. “You don’t have to do that.”

Peter shrugged. “Sure I do. I want you to be comfortable in my home. You’re my friend.”

“I’m officially triggered,” Matt snarked. “This conversation has reached my emotional limits for the week.”

“So you’ll come on Sunday?”

Matt glared at Peter’s ear. “I told you I have a meeting, kid. I’m not avoiding you.”

“Oh good. I love you too. Come here and give me a hug.”

Matt jumped off the side of the building.

[annieleonhardt]

I think people are used to having their fathers “there” for them (literally by their side (sometimes breathing-down-their-neck-close)) Goku comes off as “too distant” for those fans, maybe? Goku couldn’t ALWAYS be there (sometimes going elsewhere to save the universe, at some point he kinda...died...(for a while—that’s Dragonball for ya!)) That said, ultimately Goku’s children know he *does* love them (They just know not to be selfish and that their father has to do what needs to be done)

Nah I get that, even though Goku’s not gone nearly as much as people claim, as you said. The issue is people mistaking a weak nesting instinct for stone cold abandonment. Also, I think I’m just annoyed with people taking an old fandom joke way too far. Goku loving his wife and children isn’t debatable, yet we’re still debating it in 2018. Also no one is allowed to pull that “BUT THE INTERVIEW SAID HE SEES THEM LIKE FRIENDS when really the meaning was more that he sees his friends like family but that’s for another day.

ALSO also, I’m sick of reading fics where Goten and Gohan are angsting about daddy never being there and hating him when that is flat-out not the case in canon. Like, guys, I enjoy DBZA as much as the next person, but I also understand the meaning of the word parody. Canon Gohan and Goten are so dang clearly shown to adore their father, warts and all. And Goku, in turn, is actually shown to be pretty doting. Like, how can you look at that gif of him hugging Goten for the first time and think he doesn’t care?? Or the various scenes from the Super anime (can’t speak for the manga, which from what I’ve seen is...less true to his character) where he’s supporting, training with, and talking up his boys? Or that part in the very first DBZ arc where he literally dies to protect Gohan? And then dies again in the Cell saga, also to protect Gohan? Can we please leave the “Goku’s a bad dad” stuff in 2018? Please, America. I’m begging you.

This turned into a rant, not directed at u though anon. I agree with you, tldr. lmao.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Mahou Shoujo Ore 5 | Yotsuiro Biyori 4 | Lupin III Pt 5 5 | Hinamatsuri 5 | BnHA 43 | Boueibu HK 5

Mahou Shoujo Ore 5

Hey hey hey, this is the second show I’ve seen ape Osomatsu-san this year. Seriously, no show is safe in a parody as a target for humour’s sake…Note Osomatsu-san is also by Pierrot, though, so they’re attacking themselves to some extent.

Now that they’ve pointed the Osomatsu-san reference though, I can’t believe I didn’t see the scarf colours last time! But…this is episode 5…

Oh, I kind of noticed it, but I’m probably too used to it since I watched the first season of Osomatsu-san – the blue lines are part of that show’s signature style.

Muscovado is apparently a substitute for sugar. It literally translates to “black sugar” though…

Sagami is…a former place in Japan…?

Tama River. I’m terrible at Japanese geography, so I don’t think you should be asking me about this…

Dang, apparently Pierrot is based in Mitaka, Tokyo so whatever joke I was chasing there fell flat.

Wow, they got really self-referential this episode…yikes.

So this is the rumoured Chiba-san? Uhh…

Oh my…I do not see the word “Japanimation” get much mileage at all these days, but I cringe every time I see it.

It’s Pokémon Go! Wow, that’s another level of meta for sure. My hopes for resolving all the stray plot threads while maintaining that wacky sense of humour (or however I phrased it) definitely went out the window…Notice the footage is dated April 24th 20X8, which is about a week before the episode went to air if the X actually hides “2018”.

Suginami. Apparently, Bones, Sunrise and other studios are stationed there…but Pierrot isn’t.

If there’s one thing I didn’t expect in MSO, it’s the fact this show became Shirobako in a sense. I still need to get around to Shirobako, by the way…

Ey, wait a second! Astral, you got your wish! We get to see…Fujimoto’s face!

Whoa! They went all out on the CGI fire effects! What is this show, Golden Kamuy?! (LOL)

Comichiya’s probably Comiket. The katakana (chi -> tsu, to -> ya) look kinda similar if mangled.

Dangit! I missed my mark on the guesswork again! Tokyo Big Sight isn’t in Suginami.

Basically, this is just a long road to admitting they couldn’t do a recap episode, but they don’t have enough content to pad this ep either. Ah, sweet revelations (sarcastic).

Is it just me, or does the bottom of Fujimoto (1)’s face look kind of like…Mohiro??? Wagh??? Update: No, the hair colour’s off.

The “on the train” technically says “on the NEXT train” (emphasis mine).

Wow, they namedropped Ishikawa (probably Kaito)! Ishikawa voices male!Saki, so it makes sense.

Oh my gosh, Mahoutsukai Watashi! What a bold move this show’s taken – it’s telling its own meta-narrative. Which means when I cover it for the collab post…it’ll be meta of meta…that’ll put my head in a spin for sure.

You can see Fujimoto and Sakuyo character designs if you pause for one scene (the one with “staff working from home”).

You can see the name Masayuki Ito (伊藤雅之) on that list with the downward arrows, but I don’t know what significance that name has unless they’re an animator or something...

Mensore is explained here.Basically it’s youkoso in Okinawan.

Jimami Tofu…isn’t tofu, as weird as that sounds. It’s an Okinawan-sponsored drama.

Well, at least this time I got a big epic battle (no matter how short it is). Nothing better than that!

They got Akira Ishida, Tomokazu Seki, Koichi Yamadera and some other guys to voice the Fujimotos this time. Notice there’s no crossover between the Osomatsu-san voices and the Fujimotos, which was probably intentional.

I thought there’d be a real Shinzo Chiba, but there doesn’t seem to be one…

There was a shot of Fujimoto (before the manager)! Wah! Was that there in previous episodes???

Every time people promise wardrobe malfunctions, they tend to…uh, deliver on that…

The Monokubo illustration this time is creepy…I like it!

Yotsuiro Biyori 4

Is this a zombie movie (LOL)?

Wow, Sui really loves cats, doesn’t…he…? (LOL)

Oh, so that weird zombie movie in medias res opening was actually one of those fakeouts…DN Angel’s anime did that, I remember…

Wow, they make Tokitaka so epic in this scene! A determined man is more handsome than one in an ordinary state, don’tcha think?

You can even see rice flying! Amazing! Tokitaka’s got such skill.

I am so spoilt for smol boys this season, between this and Boueibu HK…

Ooh! My eyes have been blessed with the hotness of Tokitaka!

There’s more chicken than usual this ep, eh?

Shiratama anmitsu.

I never thought we’d need a backstory for the resident cat, but okay. It was hilarious and fun while it lasted and now it’s almost over…huh.

Denzou? Eh? (I kinda get why the name’s badass with the kanji involved, but it’s hard to explain to a non-Japanese speaker…)

Agedama.

The next ep title translates to roughly “A Loving Hand for the Lost Lamb”…as in, to extend a hand to it.

Lupin 3 Pt 5 5

Okay, part 5 episode 5 is confusing when it’s just “5 5”, isn’t it?

I think the guy in the green jacket will be important later…? He’s in a key visual for this show, at least.

“This pasta called soba’s pretty good!” – LOL, soba ain’t pasta, y’know…

I’ve learnt about the stack before. Here you go.

IP camera. Hey, I’ve done something on IP cameras before, but normally Detective Conan (and most other mystery shows of the modern day) seem to be reliant on CCTV…

Chicken game…? Sounds tasty!...Not.

Ami doesn’t seem too pleased about all the shooting, LOL.

Even Ami knows bowing is a sign of Japanese respect. Just like how dragons understand the meaning of “Hatori Chise” involves birds…(i.e. I’m kind of skeptical that a real French girl would learn to bow to her Japanese friends when her life is always on the line, a la Ami.)

Episode…1? Y’mean, there’s more adventures, but no Ami? Aw, I was enjoying having her in the fray.

Hinamatsuri 5

A TV? $30??? Wow, I would fight a psychic girl for that! That’s friggin’ cheap!

“Toshibu” (sic), LOL.

Bikkuri means “surprise”, LOL.

“A teacher and a student walk into a bar…” – it sounds like a joke. Not that that could be conveyed accurately in Japanese, though. The fact it even works as an English joke must be a coincidence…

Hitomi’s such a terrible liar! Wahaha!

Nitta’s just like “I’ve given up on this girl”. Either that, or he has a hangover…(LOL)

Sayo looks kind of like Hina. If it weren’t for the hair colours I would’ve mistaken the two.

BnHA 43

Carrying a gun to a fistfight…yep, bad. Plain bad, Mustard, ol’ boy.

Sorry, there was a lot of fighting this ep and nothing much to say!

Boueibu HK 5

LOL, the bald bodyguard…he looks kinda grumpy.

Notice Kyotaro goes “ore kyoumi nai” (I have no interest in it), but the subs missed the subject of the sentence! CR, you weirdoes!

Echire butter…exists!

“You know about genetic testing?” - Irina! I think this is your department!

Ryoma’s the end of the evolutionary line!

Hmm…if there was no Ice Age in Honyara Land…might there have been something else that caused the Furanui/Karurusu conflict? There’s only animosity from one side, after all.

Bunbuku Chagama. Magozaemon was fat, so he would make a perfect teapot/tanuki…

Wait, if Maasa = Ichiro in the age department (roughly 16), that would add up. He went abroad for 4 years and held off on carbs the entire time…yikes.

“The people of this world envy those who represent the opposite of what they fear for themselves, so they criticise and attack them.” – Ooh, Ata makes a lot of sense here…! It’s a quote for the collection.

Asobukoto = It’s not really “fun” per se, but “playing” or “hanging out”. That is, if you translate rather literally.

They’re all underage (roughly 16 – 18), of course they wouldn’t drink! Of course, this is coming from a person who doesn’t drink…the only samples of alcohol I’ve had are few and far in between…

Hey, I studied this stuff in the past, you don’t have to regurgitate this info (about needing food to better absorb alcohol). Lemmee tell you, alcohol ads are weird…

They didn’t make the “glasses fogging up” a weird plot hole. Phew.

Wow, to think I’d be getting a science lesson of things I already know in my Boueibu…I never thought I’d see the day where that happened.

According to this page, one of the things the ramen shop serves is gomoku soba. Wait…that’s right! Ramen’s appeared in this show before! In the Chri-pa episode! Sorry Astral, I gotta spoil s2 for you!

Wow, this chicken carcass is even less of a threat than anything else so far! Wow-hee.

Taishi only seems vaguely fazed about the fact he’s being made to fight monsters. Interesting. I never think about the perspective of the non-red boys regarding fighting monsters until they’re pointed out, really.

So wait, the magic knight of space…makes bubbles? Uh, Astral, you might wanna learn from this…?

Hey hey, I found a page on tonkotsu ramens (sic from the Hakata anime) and paitan ramen.

Kyotaro on stairs = basically my mood when I want to imitate the “draw me like one of yor French girls” meme. (Very badly.)

So…when I said I missed individualised attacks, I never saw this coming. Sorry about that, people. (Even if that was only Ichiro’s bubble attack.)

Kyotaro makes a lot of sense here. But seriously, I think I need Astral’s easy button right now. That was easy.

Notice Karurusu is acting as a pelt…weren’t otters hunted for their pelts?

Oh, Sujikawa’s a first year, huh?

*Sujikawa picks up the boulder* - *round of applause from me* Wow!

Both Maasa and Dougo have such supportive friends, it almost makes me jealous.

The English! It’s…correct! (thinks back to a magazine article with “Difence” (sic) written on it in pink letters)

I, for one, am happy they’re tackling relationships aside from “brothers” this time. Finally, here’s something that stacks up against its competition in regards to deeper themes, even if it is a comedy!

Dougo and Maasa (Magozaemon) were in class 2, if you pause at the right time. Notably, the members of class 2 were all boys, LOL. Even with the boy to the left of Magozaemon, I think that name might be pronounced “Ai” (due to this page), but it’s in manly kanji.

[dixxymouri]

Dixxy Watches One Piece in a Year: Log 1

So I’m behind on my plans to watch/read One Piece in a year, but it’s early enough in the year that catching up isn’t some kind of crazy endeavor.

For one, if I’m “watching” One Piece, its most likely something in the background playing while I’m eating/playing Minecraft/sculpting/etc, especially for early episodes I’ve already seen a lot before.

Here are some general thoughts so far while I’m still in the early episodes:

1. Dear GOD did Toei lean hard into the whole “well Nami is the resident girl so she MUST be the main character’s love interest”. None of the stuff with Nami in the first few episodes is canon to the manga, right? I’ll need to check that tonight if I pick up the manga to start the read through.

(Spoiler alert: either the read through or the watch-through probably isn’t going to last the whole year).

2. There’s a lot of villains in the One Piece world who have traits of the Angry Yam, and Morgan is definitely one of them. Wapol’s definitely another one but I’m a ways away from him, and for a while someone had a Big Mom parody account on Twitter that was basically just taking some of the AY’s tweets and transplanting them into the WCI arc. 

3. Before I got REALLY attached to Sanji, Zoro was my favorite. I didn’t quite take Luffy’s strength all that seriously when I first watched the series...oh God, like, twelve years ago, and I didn’t feel like everything would be “okay” until he showed up. Now I know better, but there is something about the way Luffy and Zoro were presented at this stage of the game that just didn’t make our favorite rubber captain seem all that threatening - he was too fanciful and silly for me to see him as the force of nature he really is.

4. Oh hey it’s the gun 4Kids messed up in their version of the dub. They really did ruin that scene forever. I mean it was always kind of silly but...yeah everyone thinks of the stupid hammer gun. 

5. Man the show is really treating Buggy as a huge threat right now. 

6. ...aw dang it we’re coming up on the stupid dog guarding the pet store aren’t we? I get that it’s “sad”, but it’s definitely from a time before Oda really learned how to tug at heartstrings with his backstories. It’s the same reason Usopp and Zoro’s backstories don’t tend to rank well when people rank backstories - he didn’t really master them until Nami (or, arguably, Sanji’s backstory, if he already had the Germa stuff in mind when he wrote that and it was really a “to be continued” he didn’t get back to for like, two decades). 

7. Zoro (to Coby about his time on Alvida’s ship): Marine’s information gathering is top notch. Big Mom: Hold my beer.

8. Interesting. Marine dropped a line about Marines being pirate spies. Probably a nod to Nezumi (X Drake hadn’t been thought of yet as Oda invented the Supernovas not named Luffy and Zoro on a whim) but if that’s canon to the manga too, then it shows that Oda was at least THINKING about how deep Marine corruption might run as early as Shell Town.

9. Zoro: Awkward line transitioning into Luffy’s backstory with Shanks? Awkward line transition into Luffy’s backstory with Shanks.

10. I should probably switch to my DVDs at some point so I can utilize marathon mode, but... I also really like some of the opening and ending music, even the dub versions (which is what I’m watching - fuck you, fight me).  Sidenote: When I was working on the performance scene in Mass x Acceleration (...holy crap I fell behind on that one again...) I originally wanted to use the lyrics to “Memories”, the first ending.

I know the Shanks episode is next but I’m done for the night. Might try to bust through the Orange Town arc tomorrow night. I’m going to watch NicoB freak out in the Chapter 6 trial of DRV3 again. 

[nekoabi]

For the Get to Know the Author ask: 1, 3, 10, 13, and 18! :)

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

Yup... My AU story. I really wanna write it, and yesterday I got the town name for it. I’m just kinda worried about posting it, because I don’t know how people will take it, because it’s kinda fanfiction but also kinda original stuff, but it’s totally based from the sides... like... it’s hard and i’m just really worried to get shit over it, if i’m honest...

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

From front to back, I guess. Like usually that also falls with going chronologically, but I go from the beginning of my idea til the end, and incorporate flashbacks if necessary.

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

Definitely alone, irl, but I like having people online to bounce ideas with! I usually work with music or something I’ve listened to a lot in the background - but if I start having issues, I need silence to get my thoughts in order!

13) your strengths as an author

I feel like I’m good at descriptions, like I try really hard to not do too much but also get the feeling across. My last two fics were basically all description with little to no plot so... that speaks volumes ofe that!I also really like coming up with plots - its way more fun. So brainstorming different ways a plot can go with the characters and situations provided is always something I have fun with and I feel like I’m fairly good at it...

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

Definitely things like My Immortal and sarah in aperture influenced me in ways of how not to write things and how not to work an OC in - at least from my perspective, unless its meant to be a parody.Anything written by suckersoprano on ffn, all the works I’ve seen in the Fanders community and all the works I read from my friends in the Mindcrack community back a few years ago have really pushed me and shown me what can be done and how it can be done “right”. From how to characterise well, to how to write short and amazing pieces. From how to have long sweeping epic stories, to how to have a simple slice of life piece. Just overall, I learn from enjoyment and reading everyone’s amazing work, everything I’ve read over the years has affected my writing - giving me new ways to work with the words, new ways to play with description, new ways of dialogue

Dang this got long and rambling...

[thewebcomicsreview]

I just like hearing your opinion on these types of things so here goes. What do you think Paranatural could do to fix their awfully slow pace? I re-read the whole archive and it really became apparent how little has really happened over the course of years. And is it me or does the protagonist just need to cut the dang snark?

I’m hesitant to criticize Paranatural’s pacing too much because I find it’s often much less bad when you archive binge, and webcomics having slow pacing live is endemic to the format. I also don’t want to say this chapter is “badly” paced until I can see how it ends. If Morrison is putting all his ducks in a row and then will have a massive climax where all of it comes together, then it feeling slow now is totally worth it.

That said, why DOES this feel slow, besides being a webcomic? I don’t think the problem is that too little has happened, it’s that too MUCH has happened. So far in chapter 5′s 217 pages, we have:1. Johnny discovers the identity of the club, and begins a face turn2. Max and Isaac have a fight over Max keeping secrets Isaac feels entitled to3. Isabel dealing with the loss of Eightfold and her new companion Flipflop 4. Spender realizing he has to open up to his teammates 5. Zarei and Agent Day have a confrontation that morphs into a date6. Spender tries to learn more about Forge.7. PJ wants a weapon so that he can join the Paranatural club. Max learns this is impossible and doesn’t know how to break it to PJ8. Suzy is blackmailing Max for information on the Paranatural Activities club9. Introduction of the student council and their vague plan 10. Hijack plot 11. Parody of overly long fight scenes in anime by way of a “hitball” game. There’s also Dmitri having super-powers, Forge being in Johnny, and Ed feeling like he let Isabella down, but none of those really get too much screentime. Still, that’s eleven plotlines. For comparison, let’s compare this 217 page (and counting) chapter to the last six chapters of Gunnerkrigg Court (58-63), which are 203 pages combined, and also include a really long action scene. That feels about fair. In those chapters 1. Worldbuilding short story with the fairies. 2. The kids fight and try to free free Jeanne3. Annie takes on a major debt with the pyschopomps to save Smitty4. Ayilu gets a name 5. Red flips out at Annie for risking her and Ayilu’s lives.6. Annie reflects on her actions, talks about it with Ysengrin and Kat7. Arthur and Juliette want Kat to make Arthur a flesh body8. Kat teams up with Anthony, Annie freaks out. There’s actually fewer plotlines, unless you want to count “Coyote tells Parley and Smitty a story” or “Parley has superpowers now”. In this time, Paranatural has resolved the hitball game, Isabella dealing with the loss of Eightfold, and Spender realizing he needs to open up to his teammates. Gunnerkrigg Court has resolved six. Moreover, it’s the first six, and the only things still hanging are the ones that were introduced at the end of chapter 63. Each chapter has an end to that chapter’s story, even as the main plot churns on. In comparison, Paranatural’s juggling more storylines at a time, so it takes a lot of pages for any one of them to get resolved. Moreover, when they ARE resolved, they come randomly in the middle of a chapter, so Isabella and Spender resolving to rely on their teammates more doesn’t feel like the big emotional character beat it is, since it’s sandwiched between a bunch of other shit and doesn’t have time to breathe. 

This is normally the point where I’d start writing about how Paranatural could be paced like Gunnerkrigg Court, and the pros and cons of that approach, but I don’t think I can actually do that right now simply because I don’t know how this story ends. So don’t take what I’m about to say too seriously as a prescription for “fixing” Paranatural. Still, in the interest of giving you something to think about

Chapter 5 is a short chapter. Zarei and Day meet up, and pry each other for information, but it turns into a date. In Chapter 6, Isabella and Max talk about Isaac, who later pesters Max for information, leading to a fight. Isabella discusses this with Spender, and the two notice each other hiding injuries. They have a heart-to-heart and determine to keep fewer secrets and rely on the team more. During this, we see Johnny and team bullying Jeff for information. In Chapter 7, there’s the hitball game. Jeff having super-strength is as big a surprise to the reader as it is to the audience, as it wasn’t set up in advance. The rest of Chapter 5 gets put here. This is, obviously, a pretty major change. And given that I don’t know what the endgame is for all these plotlines, they may all be bad changes. I really want to stress that I’m not saying this is how this chapter should be. There are cons to this style of pacing! (two big ones: You can’t show Hijack posessing Jeff until the chapter it’s relevant, and it requires the audience to accept that characters are politely doing their various business in an order that’s convenient for the reader instead of the way that makes the most logical sense), but then you can put stuff like this

At the climax of a shorter chapter, positioned to make it clearer that this is the big moment it’s supposed to be, instead of Isabella getting hit in the face by a door on the next page because there’s a mystery plot to get back to, or having the Zarei/Day date have it’s own place in the story, instead of randomly showing up in the middle of the hijack arc, sticking around for a few pages, and then disappearing to cut to another side-plot. I think it’s good to deal with one or two things at a time, instead of juggling a whole bunch.

All that said, if this chapter ends with all these plot threads coming together in a major climatic way, then the way Paranatural is paced is 100% correct and all the slower pacing will pay off in a big way, provided Morrison sticks the landing. And right now it looks like they plot lines are going to collide in a big way, even if I’m not sure about the “stick the landing” part, but I thought the Ghost Train was good when it was all done, so we’ll see

[wowza48]

Batfam Content War: Halloween week edition: Fifth Prompt Haunting/Spooky/(Jack Fenton voice)GHOST!!

When there’s something something... insert parody of ghostbusters theme here... who you gonna call? GHOST DAMI! *budadadadat* Yeah okay another S/I Dami story, but with a twist~. Two takes, one male, who will appear again in tomorrow’s death prompt (which will be a prequel to his part in this one), and one female, who already appeared the the celebration prompt day 2. Unimportant, but they reincarnated from the same person, but were raised/treated/acted differently, hence similar ideas here or there, but somewhat different personalities/outlooks.

Further information- Those who already read that prompt know fem!s/i!Dami has psychic powers, the male!s/i!Dami does not. He did, however get a healing factor- I’m not saying how, it will be revealed in tomorrow’s story. Both timelines mix multiple continuities, so Steph (as Spoiler) and Cass (as Black Bat) are both... somewhere. Not near the building. Fighting... ninjas. Yes. That’s why they aren’t there to stop Damian from dying. Because ninjas.

Also, to answer the question of- since the other two Batgirl’s are no longer Batgirls, does this mean Barbra Gordon is Batgirl or Oracle. The answer is- Yes. As in- she’s both Oracle AND Batgirl, although she created an Oracle AI to assist her when she went back to being Batgirl, but she NEVER stopped being Oracle either because she’s awesome like that. She’s also no where near the building because of ninjas. I’m not sure if you are aware of this, but there are a LOT of ninjas. Like, way too many for it to show realistic statistics.

Lastly, if someone wants to write from another character’s point of view for either of these, as long as you link it to this story, either the tumblr link or Fanfiction one once I submit it there, and then tell me about it so I can read it, you have my permission. To be fair, if I even make one or both of these into full multi chapter stories I’d probably include my own take on other peoples reactions, plus the lectures/yelling at Ghost!Dami for being a dummy head, but I wouldn’t mind seeing someone else’s belief on what would go through the minds of the characters.

Anyway, information done, now get ready for.... GHOST DAMI!

-------

“So... I’m a ghost now... does this mean I still have to go to school even though I’m dead?” I ask, raising an eyebrow as my botched up, age accelerated clone with a by FAR inferior healing factor tries to stab my ethereal form. I make a motion of brushing dust off my black and grey outfit- nope, not out as Robin. Nor Redbird- though I have been both of those too. This outfit’s called Mocking Bird “And could you quit that? You already toyed with my physical body, longer than you thought due to my gaining a healing factor, there’s no need to attack my ghost on top of that- I’m actually somewhat impressed you managed to kill me despite my healing factor, by the way, I mean I was in too much pain to be impressed at the time, but now I’m without that pain it’s actually quite a feat if I do say so myself.”

I turn towards Bru-Da-Fath-Batman, no even thinking that they are the same person when in public, being dead shouldn’t change that rule, who is staring at me strangely. “You still haven’t answered my previous question. Do you think the school would still require my attendance despite my no longer being alive, and do you think Father would let me?” I ask, pretending I’m merely talking to a vigilante under Father’s payroll and not Father himself.

Forgot to mention- I kinda hooked up a bunch of cameras and microphones weeks beforehand, and then today I hacked mother’s broadcast and connected the audio and video of my fight with Heretic -and I didn’t turn on the stream until I was about to start that fight, in order to keep my siblings’ and father’s identities secret at least-, plus streamed it online, linking the stream to multiple major news outlets prior to arriving at my place of death. It appears to still be running, since it’s being show on the screen is shared with mother, actually. I... did remember to have the stream linked to Gordon and the Batcave so they could shut it off when necessary? Ah, they should know about it by now, plus Richard and Tim aren’t dumb enough to miss their being filmed live so as to not mess up their secret ID’s, even though I did that to myself. To be fair, though, I thought I’d be at least badly injured, if not killed- which did happen- but I didn’t count on becoming a ghost. Speaking of-

Heretic is still swinging his sword through me. “I’m a ghost. That’s not going to work. Stop doing that.” Batman seems to regained enough sense that he knocks the sword from his distracted opponent, who- is still trying to hit me even though I’m lacking a corporal body now. Well, at least Batman is under control of himself. Ah, Richar- I mean Nightwing is waking up. I’ll go bother him next, while also pointing out we’re being filmed.

It took me a week to get an answer to my question though- the answer was yes, as I was a ghost, I still did have to go to school despite being dead. Just like when Luthor stole those 40 cakes- it was just terrible.

Oh, and Colin, Jon, Maya and Suren all ganged up to yell at me. So did Maps and her little club... and Supergirl... and Huntress... Okay, basically everyone I knew yelled at me for getting myself killed. But hey, I’m a ghost. And that’s pretty cool- and Grandfather’s trying to kidnap my corpse, DANG IT!

-------

(Meanwhile, in the timeline where the celebrations prompt took place)

So first thing I noticed when the pain stopped was that I can still read minds. Second thing I noticed was that- nope, being able to read minds does not mean I’m still alive, in fact I’m deader than zombie- which is pretty dead. So... if I’m dead, how am I- ooooh, I’m a ghoooost, silly me. I psychically shut off the cameras I had previously set up, and the screen went back to showing just mother. And now that I wasn’t distracted by arrows sticking out of me-

**FWOOOSH** “STRIKE! Into the wall with you, Heretic! Don’t you know it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird?” I grin cheekily, pointing him as my grey cloak goes SWOOSH as it flaps behind me- even though there’s no reason for it to as the wind shouldn’t be affecting me as I’m a ghost.

“*Ahem*” I freeze at that. Forgot Batman showed up shortly after I died. Keeping in mind that there were, in fact, people not in the know within seeing and possibly hearing distance, even if they aren’t exactly conscious right now- actually one of them is, but whatever- I remind myself that Batman is OBVIOUSLY not my father, and just an offshoot of multiple personality that takes over father’s body from time to time, and as such a completely different person.

“Hiya Batman. Kinda.... ruined my secret identity right before I died, ah well. Never good at keeping that thing anyway. Well, either of those things.” I pause and strike a thinker pose- you know, those ones where you tilt your head slightly one way, and poke your chin with your index finger, pouting slightly? That one. “You know, I wonder how Ivy and Harley will react to this. they didn’t exactly like mother anyway, especially after I told them about how I grew up. Plus Croc liked my cheesecake. I actually made one to give to him later this week- not possible now, I guess...” He is sorta batglaring at me, sorta not. Probably because Father’s upset that “Daddy’s little girl” is dead, but also annoyed that I put myself in so much danger, and the fact that my being a ghost means he can lecture me about it. Which I SO do not want to deal with. “... soooo, uh... I’m gonna just... head home if that’s okay with you?” And that’s when Richard started to wake up.

I did end up getting lectured, not just by Father in Batman Mode™, Alfred, my siblings, my psudo siblings (Maya, Steph and Colin), my friends who didn’t count as psudo siblings, my civilian teachers from my attending school in my civilian persona, my few mentors from when I was growing up that AREN’T dead, everyone I worked with or got taught by as Robin or Redbird or Mockingbird that do not fit into the above categories, even Grandfather when he showed up to steal my corpse- and an additional one when I decided to blow up said corpse with my still working psychic powers. Hell, BATCOW got into the lecturing too, taking advantage of the fact my powers allow me to understand other languages, even animal ones- do NOT CALL ME A DISNEY PRINCESS I WILL FITE!- so basically I got lectured by everyone I knew.

Oooo, did you know ghosts could change their outfits with their minds? I found that out, so now I can wear anything I want, even if it doesn’t actually exist in the living world. Meaning FREE COSPLAY, without the hassle of putting the stuff on, or letting Steph (and sometimes Cass) use me as a doll.

Another good thing about being a ghost? Can’t fall asleep, nor do I need to, meaning no nightmares- which is good because I got brutally murdered. If I was brought back to the physical plain, I’d totally have nightmares, and that would ruin my mood, by, a lot. Enough so that I could miss the Halloween Ball! I was looking forward to that... I convinced Jon to be my “date” for the night and everything... Ah well, no reason I can’t go as a ghost. I mean, it’s not like I’ll be brought back to life, thus leading to traumatizing nightmares that would prevent me from wanting to leave the house, possibly even my room, now my body’s been turned to mush, right? .... Right? Why are you looking at me like that, reader? Like you know something I don’t? Tell me! Please! Get back here and.... tell... me why....

... p...l....e...a...s...e....?

-------

nuuu Dami don’t cry! Nuuuuu I made her cry I’m a terrible person! TT^TT Especially since I wrote the celebrations one before this, but it takes place AFTER and she was so scared and confused and whyyyyyyyyy

[evenstevensranked]

#34: Season 3, Episode 7 - “Raiders of the Lost Sausage”

Louis accidentally discovers that there might very well be buried treasure under his house and he’s determined to retrieve it. An Indiana Jones parody ensues. Meanwhile, Ren and Larry are literally tied together by the school guidance counselor in an attempt to end their rivalry. It’s quality content.

The very first minute of this episode lets you know right away that you’ve hit good’ol zany as hell Season 3. It opens with an emu being delivered to the Stevens house. Yes, an emu. Louis ordered one on a whim one day. We get a flashback to when he ordered it, which is pretty great. He called the totally legit and not completely asinine sounding company “Emu For You” and started awkwardly dancing to the jazzy elevator hold music. 

Steve is the one who has to accept the emu delivery and is obviously furious. The bird immediately starts eating a family photo and I love how even in a professional, dressy portrait -- Louis is still wearing a Hawaiian shirt. 

I want a relationship with someone as strong as the bond between Louis Stevens and Hawaiian shirts. 

Louis is currently in the basement with Twitty and Tom, “bowling” with a frozen turkey and some soda bottles (the usual) -- when suddenly the frozen turkey goes flying through the wall, revealing a suspicious small tunnel. 

Steve confronts Louis about the emu and Louis pulls some lame excuse out of his butt for ordering it. He says they should start breeding emus. Steve is all “Breed emus.... With one bird...” pointing out that lil flaw in Louis’ idea. That’s pretty funny. There’s a bit here where Eileen finds a giant emu egg and interrupts their conversation through the basement window, and gets attacked by the bird. You don’t actually see it happening though, all you see are feathers flying everywhere. Steve goes to help her and he too gets attacked. I always cringe at this, tbh. It’s just one of those wacky Season 3 gags. Anyway... Louis, Twitty and Tom agree to meet up the next day and investigate the tunnel. 

Now, onto the subplot! We see Ren and Larry in Principal Wexler’s office, in trouble for accidentally pieing him in the face. They had the responsibility of choosing a new dessert for the cafeteria and couldn’t agree on one. They were goiiiing to pie each other, but Wexler walked between them that exact second. Of course. They’re still fervently arguing in front of Wexler so he decides that their rivalry has gone too far and they need to work it out with the school guidance counselor.

This photo makes me relate to the “....now kiss!” meme. 

Louis does some hardcore research on what that tunnel in the house might lead to and comes to an... interesting conclusion. He discovers that a man named Grover Frazee, creator of Frazee Sausages, owned the property their house is built on. He became super rich off of the company and Louis believes that he most likely buried his fortune at the end of the tunnel. Something interesting: take a look at the opening credits for the episode...

Written by SCOTT FRAZEE! Dude legit named this sausage guy character after himself, lol. I always thought that was cute. I’ve said many times before that the writers are always throwing personal things in. I love it. Check out Grover’s bio though... yikes. 

I’m not sure I’d be proud of that legacy. Also, he died at 43 years old... Pretty young. Maybe he ate a contaminated sausage and croaked. Also, all this talk of sausages feels like another innuendo. This show has no chill. 

Louis put so much effort into his analysis, though. He treated it like a freaking college research project. Again, if he put this much effort into actual school assignments, he’d give Ren a run for her scholastic money. Tom is pretty great here. He starts singing the “We bet, you’ll go crazy... for that great, taste of Frazeeeee” jingle. It’s fantastic. 

Ms. Shannon, the guidance counselor, decides to try an experimental exercise with Ren and Larry: Physically tying them together for 5 school days. As much as I looove this subplot, this always bothered me. Mainly because, how the heck does Ms. Shannon expect that to work? What if they have different classes, or need to be at different places at the same time, etc? We get a montage showing how they struggle with stuff like this throughout the day. The only issue is that the length of the leash dramatically changes depending on the scene. It’s so frustrating!  

They clearly kept changing the length just so certain ideas could work. It bothers me so much, lol. I’m also 100% positive that’s not even where Ren’s locker is. 

Louis, Twitty and Tom get to work shoveling out the tunnel. They bring in Beans to be their “dirt moving specialist” which is so annoying. He carries dirt in his pants from the basement to their laundry room like an idiot. They literally spend a minute showing him walking back and forth past Steve. It takes so long for Steve to catch on, it’s... ugh. 

Why is he standing on the top of the little mound like that? lol. He says he’s putting the dirt in the laundry room because “there’s a big, scary bird in the backyard!” 

Steve obviously goes down to the basement and catches them in the shoveling act. Twitty asks Louis what he’s going to do with his share of the money and Louis says “You know I’ve always wanted to travel. Help out the folks. Might even buy the old man a nice toupee, ahh?!” -- Unfortunately, Twitty is gone and replaced by Steve. We get a legendary Louis Scream. Can we talk about how Louis has always wanted to travel, though??? I suddenly want to see a happy Louis Stevens backpacking across the country later in life... oh wait. THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Shia LaBeouf is Louis Stevens, y’all. The similarities never end. 

Steve is piiiissssed. Louis tries to explain that he’s done his research and there’s definitely... probably... buried treasure there. But, since Louis is always goofing off, Steve is convinced it’s another one of his crazy “half-baked schemes.” “NO! IT’S NOT HALF-BAKED! IT’S FULLY BAKED!!!” Louis insists. Steve basically temporarily grounds him. There’s a great bit with Donnie eating an emu egg that Eileen cooked for him. They’re delicious apparently, so she starts to see the bright side to having the bird around. “When life gives you lemons!” she says. And Donnie’s all “.......no, mom. They’re eggs.” What an underrated character. Steve walks in and starts complaining about Louis. Donnie pulls a 180 and tells him “You don’t have to believe in what Louis is doing. Just believe in Louis.” Dang, Donnie coming through with the proverbs. Steve takes this to heart and starts looking into Louis’ research. 

Louis is so smart when he wants to be. Steve appreciates this.

They make this scene into a trippy sequence with eerie tinkering piano in the background as Steve remembers Donnie’s reverberating words of wisdom. I’ve always really liked this. We think he’s hearing Donnie’s voice in his head, but it’s actually Donnie creeping from around the corner saying the sentence repeatedly. “I heard you the first time, finish your eggs!” Steve says. This is hilarious. Immediately after that, they make the hands on a clock spin out of control, making it seem like hours and hours are passing by while Steve looks into Louis’ research. But then Steve just walks up to it and says “...I gotta fix that clock.” I always thought this was so freaking funny but to this day my mom doesn’t understand the joke and it drives me craaaaaazy! Louis comes downstairs to apologize, and to his surprise... Steve is on his side now! They team up and start diggin’ for that treasure! While they’re digging we get two of the greatest lines in the entire series:

Steve: “Louis.... why aren’t you at school?”

Louis: “...Why aren’t you at work?” 

THIS IS SO PERFECT! I was going to point out that Louis, Twitty, Tom and Beans all should’ve been at school the whole time... but I was waiting until now to bring it up. TV shows always mess up timelines like that. This was such a hilarious way for the writers to acknowledge their mistake. So good. Mr. Scott Frazee and Co aren’t totally out of the woods, though. Louis and Steve are in the same clothes for basically the entire episode. But Larry and Ren’s subplot tells us that at least two days have gone by. Either Louis and Steve didn’t shower or change clothes for 2 days...... or they messed up. Oops. 

Back at school, Larry and Ren are tangled around a tree (again, the leash was like, a foot long when they were trying to get at their “lockers” -- but now it’s conveniently long enough for them to get tangled around a tree.) They’re stuck and talk about how this experiment has only made them resent each other more. 

But the longer they hate each other, the longer they’re tied together. So they both immediately get the idea to become fake fast friends so that Ms. Shannon will remove the leash. After frantically untangling themselves, they return to Ms. Shannon’s office and act all cuddly -- gushing over how well they get along after only two days! They say things in unison and Larry even calls Ren “silly soulmate.” Omg. Ms. Shannon agrees to untie them. 

They leave the office giggling and laughing at how they successfully tricked her, without realizing that the experiment worked, lol. They’re actually getting along and it’s beautiful ok...

I had to include this overabundance of screenshots because look how precious!! This episode always manages to remind me how SALTY I AM over the fact that they never got together. What a power couple they could’ve been. A giant missed opportunity for a big series finale plot twist, if you ask me. They slowly realize that they’re getting along and are freaked out. They start yelling the same exact sentences at each other.... in unison..... because they’re silly soulmates. That’s the end of the subplot. 

Back at the Stevens house, Louis and Steve have made it to the end of the tunnel. *dun dun dunnnn.* They reach a tiny door and use an extravagant key conveniently left under a little welcome mat before crawling inside the cave -- where a giant golden sausage is prominently displayed. 

This is another one of those moments where I notice how much Shia LaBeouf and Tom Virtue actually look like father and son. Also... as a critically thinking child, I always thought “how the hell does this cave even exist? It’s not like it’s under the basement. The layout literally makes it just another room next to the basement. So that entire cave, with a ridiculously tall ceiling, would need to fit under a section of their house. Improbable.” It sucks not being able to suspend reality sometimes. 

They approach the sausage and realize it might be booby-trapped. So they end up pulling an Indiana Jones. They even have Louis say, “I saw this in a movie once... You know what we need? A counterweight or something!” Slick. 

But also like the famous Indy scene, the cave starts to collapse. Steve says “.......is that an.... ominous rumble?” which I love. For whatever reason, Steve runs away but Louis stays still for a ridiculous amount of time. In fact, just long enough for the ground to break and leave a giant gap between them. Louis makes an (iconic) jump for it: 

Unfortunately, he drops the sausage once he reaches the other side and it falls down the gap into the great unknown. This makes me so incredibly frustrated every time, lol. But, they couldn’t exactly let the Stevens family become millionaires right? 

And that’s it!! The main plot of this episode was never one of my personal favorites, but it definitely gets a whole lot of iconic points. As I mentioned at the beginning, this is a zany Season 3 plot, which have always been a lil difficult for me to get into. But there’s no denying that Louis’ jump is hilarious and the whole idea for this episode, including the title, is golden (no pun intended.) Not to mention this is yet another episode that eerily predicted Shia LaBeouf’s future. We all know he went on to star in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Say what you will about that movie.. but... He was in it. Which marks another strange parallel between Louis and Shia tbh.

And of course, I absolutely adore the Ren/Larry subplot. It’s like, THE episode to convince you that a romance between the two of them should’ve happened. It’s just great honestly. 

Thanks for reading! Do you have any thoughts on this super memorable episode? Sound off below please! (Seriously, getting one little comment on here makes my day and reassures me that I’m not talking to myself lol) 

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[murasaki-murasame]

Monogatari Series Rewatch Part 4: Bakemonogatari [Nadeko Snake]

I’m doing it, I’m finally getting around to this, aah. Here we go.

Who else is ready for two episodes of ‘if only you could understand how much drama and pain your superficial understanding of Nadeko’s emotional problems is gonna cause you down the line, Araragi’, cause I sure am.

Thoughts under the cut.

[This got way longer than expected. Can you tell that I really love Nadeko as a character, and love talking about her?]

PART ONE:

-I haven’t talked a whole lot about any art-related things in a while [since I never know how to phrase my praise for this sorta thing without being kinda repetitive and aimless], but I really love the plain colour/gradient effect used for stuff like the bamboo forest. It’s definitely a cost-cutting measure, but for some reason I really like it. I guess, in a weird way, I really like the simple backgrounds that draw more focus to the characters, and make the show feel like even more of a stage play where everything other than the characters themselves are just props.

-It still gives me the warm fuzzies, that Araragi and Kanbaru immediately got back to being friends after the last arc. Their friendship is a wonderful part of the series.

-And here she is! Snake girl! Hoo boy, this is where we get into the start of some of the extended story elements. Though from what I remember, you tend to leave this arc for the first time not thinking that there’s anything deeper to her character and that she won’t show up again. LOLNOPE.

-Just to get it said right off the bat, Nadeko is honestly one of my favourite characters in the entire show, at least from my vague memories of my first time watching the series. I found myself relating to her and understanding her issues way more than I thought I would. I think it wasn’t until Otori that I paid much attention to her, but I feel like that goes for everyone. I totally get why she’s such a divisive character, though. I respect that.

-And here we have one of the single most iconic and memorable anime OPs of all time. Holy shit this song used to be EVERYWHERE. So many parodies and mash-ups and remixes. It’s weird to look back at the original. Especially since there’s so many little elements to it, mostly in the lyrics, that really bluntly hint at her various issues, and the direction her story takes. One of the very first lines in the OP is, more or less, ‘if words will destroy our relationship, then silence is fine’. Though it’s hard not to see this entire OP as being really meaningful when it’s so connected in my head to the Nadeko Medusa OP. I still adore how Renai Circulation is basically Nadeko’s idealized view of herself and her unrequited crush on Araragi, while Mousou Express is a more objective look at how obsessive her feelings actually are. I love it so much. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

-Also, as a side note, I think this OP was my first exposure to the series before I actually sat down and watched it about three or so years ago, and for the longest damn time I seriously thought that Nadeko had green hair. It took me a while to get used to her normal hair colour.

-Oh yeah, this is the first time we see the shrine, as well as the talisman thingy. Huh. I at least thought that the talisman didn’t appear until as far as Nise or SS. Weird. It makes me remember how sorta surprising it was to see the shrine become such a recurring setting, and such a big element of the overall story. But it really does just keep popping up. It’s probably one of the things I have the least of a grasp of, though, especially with how the various goings-on with it fit into the timeline. But I at least remember that the whole deal with the shrine is that it’s like the spiritual hotspot of the town, and that everyone wants to use it for their own purposes, mostly in terms of using it to maintain ‘balance’ in the town.

-Senjougahara continues to be utterly savage even when she’s not part of the scene. NICE.

-Huh, I genuinely forgot that apparently Kanbaru’s arm is gonna heal over the next five years or so. Huh. That’s a pretty major thing to forget. I feel like they never bring it up after this point, though. So that’s probably why. I guess it slightly lessens the whole tragedy of what happened to her, but I guess it was probably a bit too fucked up of a concept for her to be stuck with a monkey arm for the rest of her life.

-For some reason I thought that the shrine was intact by this point in time and just got destroyed in a later arc. Guess not. [[If it’s not clear already I have a surprisingly shit memory of a lot of specific story details with this show. Especially in the early arcs like this. Since I haven’t watched them in several years. Also I’ve only read the LN versions of the first three Bake arcs, and have been procrastinating about the rest, so this is the start of where I truly haven’t really experienced the story in years]]

-Obviously this is a bigger aspect of later arcs, and I’ll discuss it more then, but holy shit does Araragi have the WORST memory possible. It’s almost hilarious how many issues in his life are caused by it. I can’t exactly blame him for not remembering one of his little sisters’ school friends who he hasn’t seen in six years but still. This is just a hint of what’s to come, I guess. And really his issue with Nadeko is less him forgetting her, and more him just not paying that much attention to her or trying to investigate her issues. Which, again, I can’t blame him for. Most of the things Araragi does like this are completely realistic and understandable even if we as the audience can see the dramatic irony involved.

-[Oh man, now that I’m remembering more of Nadeko’s story, it’s just now dawning on me for the first time how similar a lot of her story is to that one character from Umineko who I won’t name because of spoilers. They’re very different characters in general, but wow there’s at least some pretty overt superficial comparisons to be made. Huh. I need to remember to make a post about that character once I’m properly done with Umineko]

-Oh yeah, by this point in the story Nadeko was already going off into the mountains to ritualistically murder small animals. Yep. This sure is a thing that’s already happening. I forget the exact context of this, but yeah in hindsight this is a pretty clear indicator that she has some serious issues. Even if I can at least remember enough to know that she was trying to take the snake curse off herself. Still, stabbing hordes of snakes to a tree is messed up.

-I love all of Hanekawa’s shifty/squinty expressions during the whole scene here at the bookstore. She really does have a way of coming across as really composed, even though you can always tell, especially in hindsight, that she’s not as composed as she might let on.

-It’s still interesting to me how Nadeko’s hat makes her look a bit like a snake. Even her loose jacket kinda reminds me of shed snake skin. I know that basically all of the main girls have elements of their oddities incorporated into their designs, but I feel like Nadeko is probably the most subtle about it. Other than maybe Hanekawa. Either way, I really love this outfit of hers. I sometimes feel like wearing a jacket like that, but it always feels a little silly and pointless, and I’d probably worry about it not sitting still properly.

-I just got reminded by this one particular shot where he looks really nice, but, I really do think that Araragi is pretty dang attractive. I only really notice it with certain scenes, though. But when it’s there, it’s there. Obviously I’m sorta alone in feeling this way, lol.

-I appreciate Hanekawa taking the time to try and explain to Araragi that he’s way too wishy washy with his feelings, and way too nice and open with girls in a way that can come across as a lack of faithfulness to his actual girlfriend. It’s a lesson that he really needs to learn, as do many such protagonists. You can really get why Senjougahara is so clingy and distrustful in her own way. [Although I also do feel like Kanbaru is a weird character to use to set up this topic considering that she’s, you know, a lesbian. Oh well. Hanekawa’s point still stands]

-Huh, they’re already bringing up her intentions to travel the world once she graduates. Huh. I thought that only got bought up around Neko:Shiro. It’s also making me even more antsy about waiting for the eventual adaptation of Off Season because I REALLY wanna see that one arc that’s apparently about her travels.

-Oh boy, all these not so subtle hints about Hanekawa’s home life. My heart is not ready for when we actually focus on that.

-I seriously love every scene in this show that has red/orange lighting like this. It looks so fantastic. It really sets the mood.

-Of course the first thing Kanbaru does upon entering Araragi’s room for the first time is to loudly search for his porn while taunting him about how much she’s aware of his kinks and fetishes. Isn’t she the best?

-Yeah this whole scene is just as creepy as ever. Christ. Although I still cannot fucking believe that they reference that one goddamn meme during this scene as well. It’s surreal. Though not quite as surreal as Attack on Titan referencing it for a recent magazine cover spread. I’m still reeling from that one.

-I’m pretty sure that Nadeko is still only like two or three years younger than him, but this whole thing is still . . . iffy. But obviously it’s meant to be iffy and weird.

-Especially in hindsight, it’s really sad seeing Nadeko talk about hating her body, and wanting to be saved by the person she has a crush on. Damn. Though the whole idea of her actively asking to be saved really sets up the big issue with this arc [so to say] and how it sets up Otori. I just feel bad for everyone involved.

PART TWO:

-I’m loving the shadow puppet hands going on that look like snakes. It really adds to the creepy atmosphere. Same with the really stark contrast between the dark shadows and the bright bluish-white lighting. Also, I dunno if I’ve mentioned it yet, but I love how Oshino is just the master of setting up school desks and chairs in increasingly elaborate ways, and sitting on them in increasingly implausible ways. In general I just love the use of props, staging, framing, and body language to construct a scene, in addition to the dialogue that makes up the meat of it. Obviously this is where Shaft’s influence shines through the most, since this is exactly the sort of stuff that’s fundamentally not part of the LNs. It’s really interesting to me how they took something like the basic descriptions of Oshino sleeping on a makeshift bed made of desks and blankets and whatnot, and went completely wild with the imagery of it.

-This is just a matter of the version of the subs I’m reading, but man is it throwing me off how the dialogue subtitles translate certain terms differently than the on-screen text subtitles do. Especially since I can also obviously hear the Japanese term being used and I have a vague idea of it’s inherent meaning, so I wind up with like three separate terms for the same thing being thrown at me at once and it’s sorta disorienting. 

-[On the note of subs, I probably should have mentioned this before but it’s so weird to me seeing Hanekawa’s catchphrase translated any way other than ‘I don’t know everything. I just know what I know’. Anything else feels kinda blasphemous, even though it’s by far the most petty issue I could have translation-wise. I at least feel like any translation of that line should be consistent, to get across the fact that it’s the same line being repeated. I feel like the subs I’m using have translated it inconsistently once or twice, and it bugs me.]

-OK I guess this is another sub note, but I must have glazed over the line of ‘Living without words, no, dying, huh?’ in the OP the first time round. Huh. It comes across slightly mangled in English even though it’s a kinda neat pun in Japanese [it’s basically using ‘shi nuki’ vs ‘shinu ki’. I’d use the actual kanji they use if I knew what they were, but yeah that gets it across well enough]. Either way, it’s one of the various lines in this OP that really bluntly hint at how much of an issue it is for Nadeko to hide her true feelings behind a mask of cuteness and silence. I like how, via puns, it manages to effectively equate silence with death, which is pretty accurate and foreboding, considering that her repressed issues turn into murderous violence.

-It’s one of those things that makes me seriously wonder how much of Nadeko’s character arc Nisioisin had planned from the start. I know that he kinda plays it off as ‘haha, her voice actress wants to play an evil character, let’s make Nadeko into the final boss lol’, but I’d be surprised if it was anything so spontaneous and unplanned. So much of this arc really blatantly hints at how disturbed and unhealthy Nadeko is, and her issues are left so blatantly unresolved in this arc in a way that feels almost counter to the entire theme of the story [which is exactly why it comes back to bite everyone later]. I at least like to think that he was planning it all from the start, and was kinda messing around with stereotypes to try and make both Araragi and the reader glaze over all of Nadeko’s problems, and the logical consequences of this arc, while just seeing her as a cute girl. I dunno. Maybe I’m giving him too much credit. I know that it sometimes bothers me how much the series really, unironically plays up the ‘look what a [superficially] cute and innocent and naive little girl she is! So moe!’ angle at times, even though pretty much the entire idea of her character is how damaging it is to ignore and glaze over a person’s depth and their problems by valuing them solely for their cuteness or youth or purity or whatever, so . . . eh.

-It’s definitely interesting how it looks like Oshino never even sees Nadeko for himself in this arc, and just hears about her problem from Araragi. Given how good he tends to be at noticing when a person isn’t a pure, innocent victim in their whole story. I wonder how things might have gone if he’d seen her up close. I could at least see him noticing the thing she does where she hides behind her hair.

-I just thought after seeing the scene describing the invisible snake that’s constricting her body and about to kill her, but there’s a lot of parts of the story that are interesting to examine if you want to interpret the oddities as mostly just being reflective metaphors for emotional problems. Obviously in the context of the story they’re literally real, but still, I think it’s valid to interpret things this way if only as a way to understand what role each oddity plays, and what they show about each character. [And it seems relevant to bring up with Nadeko in particular, since the entire twist of Otori is that the oddity in that was literally just a reflection of her emotional issues and not even a ‘real supernatural thing’]. It’s interesting to look at how, at least thus far [I forget what else we learn about the snake curse incident later in this episode since I have it paused partway at the moment so I’m probably gonna feel real dumb in a few minutes lol], we’re dealing with a case of Nadeko being bitterly hated by one of her classmates for simply turning down a guy that the other girl liked, and now she’s off in the mountains killing small animals to try and lessen this horrible, constricting pain that makes her feel like she’s about to die, which is making her hate her body, and just want somebody to save her. I mean, I know I’m just literally describing what’s going on at this point, but it’s definitely easy to not quite consider the extent of what’s going on here if you get caught up in the snake curse concept. It’s a bit too easy to get the order of events wrong and assume that this magical curse is the sole cause of her problems and her negative feelings, and that it’ll be totally fine to just exorcise it. And it’s kinda sad how even Nadeko, understandably, sees it that way too. It’s pretty obvious that she doesn’t want to examine her feelings and their root causes and how they affect her life and how she thinks, and as a young, sheltered girl she might not even have any real idea HOW to do that sort of introspection. It’s pretty depressing, really.

-They even point out that ‘the curse’ was mostly caused by Nadeko’s whole ‘killing small animals’ thing, but Araragi of course thinks it’d be totally fine if Nadeko just did the animal-killing in a different place. In terms of the in-universe logic at hand, yes it might have prevented the supernatural curse placed upon her by it, but even with that in mind, we’re still dealing with someone who’s ritualistically killing animals to try and alleviate their psychological pain and the self-loathing tied in with that. The story even implicitly spells out the fact that Nadeko’s actions weren’t caused by the supernatural cause, but by her own emotional pain, when it talks about how the animal-killing caused her curse. So the blindingly obvious issue at hand here really has barely anything to do with the curse itself. The curse isn’t really the cause of anything, it’s the RESULT of everything else. It’s almost physically painful to see Araragi saying all this and obviously not even considering that there’s issues at hand that will persist even after this exorcism. But again, it’s the sort of thing where it’s just dramatically ironic that he isn’t noticing something that we can more easily see as outside readers. Still doesn’t make it any less painful to watch, though.

-I seriously cannot even state enough that the story is really openly talking about how Nadeko was *ritualistically killing small animals* before any sort of a life-threatening snake curse was involved. Again, it’s super hard not to think that the author was totally aware of all this, and was planning her arc out from the start. I mean, the big thing with each arc, especially in Bake, tends to be about Araragi being mistaken about the order of events involved in a case, and/or not letting himself notice something about the girl in question that should be obvious to anyone else. But in each arc he’s usually told about the things he’s about about, and he figures out the truth in the end. So it’s super obvious how in this arc that point just . . . never quite connects. Araragi gets his moment of pointing out that the curse came after the snake-killing, but nobody steps in to push him to consider what that actually MEANS. And honestly I know that I give him a lot of slack for not really trying to get deeper into her problems, but at the same time it feels like you should really look into getting someone actual, non-supernatural help when they start killing animals to cope with their emotions. JUST SAYING.

-And yeah here’s a big reason why I find Araragi’s role in this to be kinda tragically realistic and understandable. He DOES, in his own way, start to consider Nadeko’s own emotional pain and her unhealthy way of repressing her emotions, and he DOES tell her that she doesn’t need to do that, and that she can open up to him if she wants. I think he handles the situation much better than a lot of people might. So I can’t really blame him much. Really, the major issue is just that even after hearing all this, Nadeko still doesn’t really follow his advice. Which is realistic and understandable and tragic in it’s own way. She clearly appreciates his kindness and dependability, but it doesn’t change the fact that she probably barely even knows how to comprehend and vocalize her feelings, and it doesn’t change the fact that she presumably doesn’t want to do anything more to violate her cute-girl image. She probably doesn’t want Araragi hating her, or being grossed out by her, or anything. Which just reminds me how much it also hurt me when she literally started crying when Araragi admitted that he felt kinda dirty seeing her mostly naked body. Like damn. I didn’t really talk about it at the time, but it’s honestly kinda just sad to watch how even when she was at her most exposed and vulnerable, even when she was literally begging Araragi to save her from her pain and self-loathing and how much her body feels constricted and stifling, his and Kanbaru’s reaction was mostly just to talk about Nadeko’s bloomer shorts and whatnot. Again, not really casting any blame here, but . . . damn. I don’t really know if I would have reacted any differently if I was in her shoes.

-On a different topic, I love the shot of the winding path and the river looking like two intersecting black and white snakes when seem from above. It’s a really neat image.

-’I don’t really remember that much from my childhood. My memory’s not that great’. I’m just gonna sit here and keep laughing at this whenever it gets bought up in the story. This is seriously the root of like 50% of his problems in life. It’s hilarious.

-But on a more serious note, we get yet another moment where he makes a vague yet sincere attempt at learning more about her and understanding her situation more accurately, but she doesn’t really tell him the whole truth [since he doesn’t really remember her and it’d just make things awkward if she discussed it openly] and so he obviously doesn’t really have a chance to understand the true overall situation. He clearly just ends up seeing it as something he can forget about and not dig too deeply into because ‘it doesn’t concern him’, but HOO BOY is that so not the case. It’s seriously painful how accurate and relatable it is for Nadeko to be hiding the exact truth from him, though, even if it’s unhealthy. It’s obviously worth pointing out that, just like Araragi, she also isn’t exactly aware how bad things will get for her and how much her own lack of action and communication will mess with her. And so she just continues to be evasive and quiet, while letting herself be happy that Araragi is at least being nice to her, and talking to her, and trying to understand her.

-I can just imagine Nadeko as a little girl, being pretty much alone, and envying the idea of having an older brother. Aww :C Especially when, as we learn way later in Koi, she’s pretty emotionally distant with her parents as well, and they also just mostly see her as being their cute daughter [I’m getting WAY ahead of myself and will discuss this more when we get to Koi itself, but I still vividly remember the moment of Kaiki trying to ask Nadeko’s parents to actually describe her as a person and they just . . . can’t.]

-Along the lines of what I said about the scene at the end of part one, it’s seriously uncomfortable and awkward how Nadeko gets put in a school swimsuit for this whole scene. Seeing her severe self-esteem issues and whatnot be framed through a lens of sexualization is . . . kinda disturbing. Even the fact that, even though she’s clearly not entirely comfortable with the entire situation, she still wants Araragi to look at her is kinda sad.

-Why you gotta twist the knife in my heart with all these flashbacks, anime? :C My heart just hurts so much for Nadeko on so many levels. I can perfectly understand how she so quickly and obsessively developed these feelings of romantic love and a broader desire to be seen and understood and cared for. [[Also this is a really nice instrumental remix of Renai Circulation]]

-Part of me wonders what’s going on in Nadeko’s head while she’s sitting there, praying to have her pain taken away. Part of me thinks it might just make me feel even worse if I knew.

-Oh yeah, right, this ends with them just . . . throwing the snake away and being like ‘eeeeh it’s not our issue anymore’, doesn’t it? And then lo and behold, the snake goes back to it’s sender who then gets manipulated by Ougi into attacking Kaiki. WELP. Like seriously so much of this arc is just ‘well this surely won’t come back to bite us, right???’ it’s hilarious. In a sad way. Also, I forget, but wasn’t the person who attacked Kaiki a boy, implying that the sender of the curse was the guy who confessed to Nadeko and not her friend? I can’t remember, and I forget if it’s ever even discussed. I guess it doesn’t matter that much.

-And then literally thirty seconds after I resume watching the episode, Araragi literally spells out that the guy did indeed send at least one of the snakes. Welp. I sure feel awkward now, lol. I guess I was kinda right, though, even though I forgot that BOTH of the other people sent her curses.

-Yeah this entire scene is just so goddamn uncomfortable to watch. Urgh. Seeing her writhing in pain like that is just disturbing.

-It’s still kinda surprising to me how this series manages to be more graphically violent and bloody than a good amount of anime out there. You really wouldn’t expect it. I always feel so bad for Araragi in these moments where he just gets the ever-loving shit beaten out of him.

-Oh yeah I forgot that Araragi is totally aware that it’s a really bad idea to let the snake go but he has to do it or else it’ll kill him. Huh. I guess it’s yet another thing where Araragi isn’t necessarily stupid about everything going on and the consequences of certain things, but they still turn out in such a dramatically ironic and tragic way. Welp. Though I do also like how it furthers the recurring deal with how the answer is pretty much never for Araragi to just physically beat down or tear away an oddity and solve the problem that way.

-Also, mad props for my girl Kanbaru for stepping in to stop him from getting murdered. He seriously needs people like her around or else his hero complex would have gotten him killed a thousand times over.

-It really is pretty messed up that they’re forced to perpetuate this cycle of curses and pain in order to save themselves and Nadeko. But it’s perfectly fitting for the pretty damn tragic nature of this arc and how the consequences of it play out for all involved.

-So I guess we’re meant to think that the snake sent by the other girl got successfully exorcised, and it was just the snake from the guy that was still around?

-Oh boy, and here we get into Araragi’s own issues with self-loathing. It really is sad seeing him feel undeserving of Nadeko’s gratitude because of how he had basically tried to protect the dude that placed a curse on her, and had almost died in the process. And of course it gets into his issues with being not fully human and how that messes with his self-image/worth. But at the same time I also get why Nadeko is sincerely grateful to him for saving her.

-Of course, this also leads to a really awkward yet understandable scenario where the story just . . . ends here, with Araragi clearly too defeated and depressed to even think about whether or not this actually fixed Nadeko’s root problems. Again, he’s pretty much always entirely understandable and realistic with how he never quite figures out her issues in time or succeeds in getting her to completely open up to him. He doesn’t really have the time or energy to think that he might have stopped short of the truth, so to say. And Nadeko is obviously unwilling to talk about her deeper issues, and wants to just express her genuine gratitude to him for having ‘saved her’, even if it’s pretty much only a temporary measure, as we get oh so brutally shown down the track.

-So that’s it for this arc. Now onto Tsubasa Cat. No idea how long it’ll take me to get around to it at this rate. I’m probably going to split it into two posts, focusing on parts one and two, and then three, four, and five. I’m not about to try and attempt five entire episodes at once, with this sort of set-up.

OVERALL THOUGHTS:

Inaction and miscommunication are pretty horrible, toxic things, but they’re still fundamental parts of human nature that will probably never go away. People will always have things about themselves that they don’t want to share. They’ll always have a constricting pain that’s too much to put into words. A person’s body can become something that they hate, even if it’s only so they can have something to direct their inexpressible, vague frustration and agitation and pain at. Especially when communicating and connecting with others on a deep level can be so painful. When it can lead you to just hurting them and burdening them with your feelings. When it can lead to them not properly understanding you [even if it’s partially because you don’t let yourself be properly understood]. It can be so much easier to wrap yourself in comfortable, romanticized, unchanging silence, even though a life without words is the same as dying. I’ll get more into the topic of Nadeko’s self-image and the concept of ‘being a cute girl’ later on when it becomes a bit more relevant.

This arc is an interesting one, especially in hindsight. But even the first time around, it’s still surprisingly dark and disturbing and uncomfortable to watch in a way that you’d never quite expect from how incredibly fluffy and upbeat of an OP it has [at least on the surface]. I’ve been on the outskirts of the fandom for a few years now, and it’s pretty obvious that this is among people’s most commonly disliked arcs, along with ones like Neko:Kuro and Tsuki. Though I’ve also seen people have issues with some of the pacing/exposition elements of Oni and the second half of Owari S1. But back onto this arc, I totally get why a lot of people dislike this arc. Especially when viewed on it’s own. Considering that it’s mostly interesting to examine as the first section of the overall Nadeko story arc. And obviously it’s not exactly clear to the viewer that there even IS an actual wider story arc for her until we get to about a third of the way into SS. It also doesn’t help that the TV version of this arc was apparently godawful, but I can’t really talk about that since I’ve only ever watched the BD version.

Personally I find this arc to be a fascinating start for Nadeko’s character, even if I probably didn’t like it much the first time around. But in a sense, I like it in hindsight for the same reasons I disliked it at first. Like how it seems to subtly but noticeably go against the structure of the show by having Nadeko’s issues not get truly solved. Especially if we look at it in terms of Nadeko’s perspective of events and where she’s at by the time things end. I imagine I probably also felt that the whole idea of Nadeko killing snakes felt sorta pointless, and that nobody in the story really cared about it. But that’s what makes it so tragic, I guess. It’s another way in which it goes against the grain of how the past arcs worked in a way that feels really subtly dissonant. Even when the characters acknowledge that Nadeko was doing these fucked up, violent things BEFORE she even had a curse placed on her, they don’t really stop to think ‘what exactly would lead to someone doing that?’ or ‘will those sorts of feelings and thoughts truly go away if we just get rid of this curse?’. You can’t really blame Araragi or Kanbaru for not properly understanding, for not realizing how much is going on in Nadeko’s head, and how much is festering in there and waiting to burst out in the most unhealthy way possible. She only lets people see a certain, relatively superficial side of her. And so this arc ends with the true issue not even being solved, and with only a temporary bandage put over it. And even then, the curse plaguing Nadeko just ends up stuck on it’s sender, so even that’s barely solved or gotten rid of. And obviously we end specifically on the note of Araragi being depressed and unable to accept any praise for what genuine good he did, and Nadeko being genuinely grateful for what he did, while not even fully understanding for herself what’s in store.

So basically this arc doesn’t resolve anything, it simply introduces Nadeko and her problems, and sets the stage for how these issues become so much more serious and lethal later on. And in that sense it’s pretty fascinating, even if it’s divisive.

Nadeko is one of my favourite characters in the show and I’m really happy to have a chance to talk about her. Even if I worry that I might end up repeating myself a lot when the story gets back to her, since I covered so much here already.

[fangirlingabout]

Since you are a big fan of cartoons what are your top 10 favorite cartoons of all time? Honorable mentions can be included

Oh! Oh, cool! You seriously don’t know how cool it is that someone would care to ask, thank you!

Also, sorry for the wait. Seriously, that was excessively sucky. Life likes to get busy at inconvenient times, you know?

But dang, that’s such a hard question… 

Only one way to do this right.

Dammit, Anon, This is Hard

I’m not the type of person to decide on ranks (or anything) very easily, so I’ll say this: some choices were easier than others.

I should also mention a lot of these choices are very personal, and if this were a more objective list of the best shows out there, it would be totally different. I also don’t pretend to always have the best taste, these really are just my favourites that I’ve seen. Sometimes I can recognize that one show is probably objectively better than one I like, but that won’t necessarily stop me from liking something. Basically, my list, my bias. 

Still, I’ll do my best to explain my choices for those of you who didn’t have the same experiences with these shows that I did. I assume you don’t live in my brain.

Honourable Mentions

Is it hard to believe that the honourable mentions section was harder to decide than the actual list?

There’s just so many shows I’ve enjoyed and I think deserve to be lauded. If you ask me, “Well, what about ____?! Where the hell was ____?!” it would probably fall in this category.

I’ll try to keep it short, though:

The Fairly Odd Parents - I don’t think you could’ve grown up in the early 2000s without encountering this show in some capacity, but I absolutely loved it growing up; I played FOP video games, I watched it every day after school, I even remember catching all the movies on TV whenever I could. It’s always had such a great sense of humour, combined with the jazzy stylistic choices that gave it that extra punch. More recent seasons aside, this one is a 2000s classic.

Over the Garden Wall - I watch this every October now. It’s absolutely spectacular. I think the only thing holding it back is sadly that it’s a miniseries—and it’s not like I would change that, the story needed to be told the way it was. But it’s become seasonal for me, so it’s a favourite but… only briefly.

Rick and Morty - Damn, I love this show. Just give it one more season and let the plot really start to kick in, it may start to climb this list

There are also plenty of shows that I think could be on here had I gotten to watch more of them, and some of those include:

Batman: The Animated Series

Danny Phantom

Sym-Bionic Titan 

And here are shows I once had a bit of an obsession with that in hindsight… was a bit unwarranted (again, I never claimed to have great taste):

Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi

Yin Yang Yo!

Total Drama Island/Action

With that out of the way, onto the list!

#10. South Park

What can I say about a comedy that’s antagonized censorship on TV 20 seasons? Well, for one, there are moments that genuinely reward you for caring about these characters for so long. For example, there’s a gut-punch of a two-parter, You’re Getting Old/Ass-Burgers that legitimately made fans question if the show was in danger of ending, with just how fatalistic it’s tone is.

They’ve even since made the transition from episodic to serialized season-long stories—to varying degrees of success, admittedly, but I don’t know if a show, especially one this well-established (this happened in season 18) has ever done that.

In a strange way, South Park’s a show that innovates. It quickly surpassed any other show on at the time for most edgy/boundary-pushing—to the point that its offensive humour wouldn’t be acceptable coming from anyone else but South Park (which isn’t to say I don’t understand when/if people have an issue with it, but… more on that in a sec)!

I’d also like to give special shoutout to the South Park Movie, and the recent South Park video games, the Stick of Truth and Fractured, but Whole—all three of which are jam-packed with South Park goodness.

Personal Reasons: When I was growing up this was the pinnacle in shows my mom didn’t want me to watch. And with what little of a rebellious streak I had, I took that to mean it needed my attention. 

I remember watching it late at night (which just made it more scandalous!) with my brother, and separately with my best friend at the time, Daniel. We loved that kind of raunchy, crude humour! And in hindsight, like I said, I know there’s been plenty of times when they’ve made jokes in poor taste, but I don’t know. Sometimes when you make fun of everyone equally, there can be room for some less tasteful jokes. Especially when being a boundry-pusher is a big part of your identity.

As the old saying goes, “It’s South Park: what did you expect?”

#9. Clone High

One of the more obscure choices on this list, but I’ve mentioned it from time to time for sure. Coming from the writing/directing team behind Lego: Batman, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and 21 Jump Street, Clone High was a short-lived 13-episode MTV comedy.

The premise was simple: clones of famous historical figures all go to high school together.

Done, simple as that. 

But what makes it so funny is how it parodies the high school drama genre while still existing as it’s own story with it’s own characters. Like, every episode is always announced as a “very special episode” and even in their short run, they managed to do the Drug episode, the holiday episode, the natural disaster episode, the dramatic Death episode, the class election episode—it just doesn’t let up.

Oh, and I’d like to mention Pan Pzza/Rebel Taxi did a stellar review that goes into the history surrounding the show along with some analysis of its content, so if I piqued you’re interest at all, you can find a more in-depth review over here.

Personal Reasons: This s a show my brother introduced me to. Watching videos or playing video games with my cool older brother was always awesome, so watching a show with him as tons of fun.

#8. Moral Orel

My god… this show is the absolute most brutal show I’ve ever loved. You can tell by my lists that I tend towards shows that deal with darker subjects in soft, even light-hearted ways, but this isn’t that kind of show.

Or, at least, the season that made it my 8th favourite show isn’t.

I should explain. Moral Orel was a show on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim that had a total of 3 seasons (with a prequel special that came out years after the fact), and for most of the first two seasons, it’s a vastly different show than in its third season.

From the second season’s finale onward, Moral Orel becomes one of the most bleak, bitter, heart-wrenchingly real shows on TV. It’s breath-takingly bitter.

The first two seasons largely center around the main character Orel Puppington and his religious adventures in his hometown of Moralton. It started as a parody of Christian cartoons, in particular the stop-motion/claymation Davey and Goliath. 

Basically, Orel would learn a lesson from an authority figure in town and misinterpret it to the extreme. It could make for some funny commentary now and again, but in truth it was nothing special.There were a few early episodes worth watching, like the Lord’s Prayer and The Best Christmas Ever, but if that’s all it had to offer, its charm would wear thin.

This, on the other hand, is no regular series.

The fact that it started out the way it did makes the reveal even more powerful. You see, those more upbeat first two seasons, where the morals are skewed and everything’s just a bit cheerier than it should be come crashing down when Orel’s father’s alcoholism is taken devastatingly seriously during a hunting trip in the two-part season finale “Nature” parts 1&2.

Nature marks a drastic turn in the series tonally. From there, the series shifts focus from just being about Orel to chronicling the lives of several members of the town in the aftermath and the days surrounding that infamous hunting trip. The third season even starts counting down each episode (Numb, for instance is 1 out of 13). 

And the reason for this is that as Orel lost faith in his father in that season finale, we, along with Orel, start to see all the people in his life in a different, sometimes disturbing light.

If I’m making it out to sound a bit on the unwatchable side, I understand, you don’t always want to watch something that will bring you down like that. But to sing its praises just a bit more, the reason it struck such a chord with me is because there’s such a humanity to it. There is hope somehow, and goodness in all this messed up stuff. 

Personal Reasons: I used to stay up late watching Adult Swim, or use the TV to fall asleep to. I managed to catch episodes now and again, so it hit me hard the first time I saw some of the darker or more bittersweet episodes. 

#7. Steven Universe

We jump from one of the harshest shows to one of the sweetest! And yeah, I was surprised this wasn’t higher, too

And maybe it could change as the series goes on, but in the meantime, wow is this a fantastic show! We’ve talked about it a number of times on FGA, but I don’t think that’s any reason to not sing it’s praises some more!

Premiering in 2013 on Cartoon Network, Steven Universe, as you probably know (because this is Tumblr), follows the titular Steven and his emotionally-driven life with the Crystal Gems, alien rebels from a far-off Homeworld. 

Properly referred to as “singing and crying,” Steven Universe slowly runs the gambit from gorgeously heartbreaking to sweetly uplifting, all the while feeling like a mellow, safe, and warm place to be.

Like many people have said in many different ways, it’s a show that explores relationships. All kinds of relationships. It’s made massive strides in LGBT+ representation in kids’ shows, presenting it without the pomp and circumstance of a “very special episode.”

The gradually unfolding plot has fans like me hooked, even if the slower pace and hiatus plague can leave us hanging for quite some time.

Personal Reasons: This is yet another show that I’ve gotten watch and talk about with my girlfriend, so I think I’ll always remember it fondly for that. Fangirling.

#6. Avatar: The Last Airbender

It’s what I consider to be the greatest show of all time… and it’s this far down on the list. There really is no justice in Bias Town.

One of the best purely serialized shows out on this list, Avatar is a perfect example of a simple three act story-structure. It tells a complete, satisfying story that needed no more and no less.

And in that time, it managed to find the perfect balance for everything. Rich, interesting world-building reflecting real-life cultures? Check. Fun plots that moved forward the overall story? Check. Likable complex characters that humanize the world so no one side is undeniably in the wrong? Check.

The only thing that took a while to grow on me was Avatar’s humour. Can’t explain why, but once I warmed up to it, there were episodes and moments that made me lose my shit.

It’s such a well-crafted story, and I could probably just go on and on about how well everything was developed, but sufficed to say, it would probably top my list for what’s objectively the best cartoon out there.

Personal Reasons: I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before, but I actually missed out on Avatar’s original run. I vaguely remember being interested by it, but never catching an episode in full.

Years later, I somehow stumbled across it by chance, and oh my god. Oh my god, you guys. I watched most of the second and third season in one weekend. I couldn’t stop.

#5. Spongebob Squarepants

In last year’s Nostalgia Month, I fangirled a little bit about Spongegbob, and if you read any of that, you’ll know I’ve always been a huge fan. It’s one of the cornerstone series of my generation (just take a look at the Ocean Man meme that was a thing for a while—that song is buried in the credits of the Spongebob Movie, so you would have had to sit through the credits to get that reference), along with Pokemon and Fairly Odd Parents, so again, I couldn’t not have some experience with it, but I was pretty much a super fan.

And there’s kind of a reason for that. I can’t say what it’s like now, but in its early seasons, it’s humour was surprisingly intelligent and stupidly funny. There’s definitely a difference between stupid characters and a stupid show, and so long as you can see that, you’ll find a charming undersea comedy that became a household name for a reason (at least initially).

Personal Reasons: God, where to start. For one, I have a fear of fish, but I love swimming and the sea. That fear developed in second grade, ironically around the time I would’ve been the deepest in my Spongebob phase. I think it helped, actually. There’s a reason I have a random anchor as a logo. 

And you know, there’s some shows that you love so much that they come to represent a part of your life. All my elementary school days and even into middle school, Spongebob was something I was an expert in. I had as much merch as I could afford to get, I watched it religiously (even the DVD boxsets), I made my first best friend that way— it just ruled my world for a long while there.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way. The nostalgia goggles are strapped on hard for this choice, but I couldn’t honestly tell you I don’t have a sincere place in my heart for it. And always will.

#4. Gravity Falls

You know how the 2010s starting kicking a lot of ass for animation? I think more than anything—more than even Adventure Time (which I do love)—this is the show that represents that to me. Not because it’s dated, but in fact the opposite: because it’s a modern classic that will forever feel timeless. Something truly spectacular that we’ll always look back on and remember as ours.

Gravity Falls takes influences from all the best stuff, but makes itself unique by being incredibly inventive. Like, it really does remind me of any Matt Groening show because of it’s sense of humour and even a bit of the world-building, but the mystery and heart are so magnificently its own. These things are the backbone that take the the already stellar comedy to a whole other level.

The best word for it is just as I said: magnificent.

From beginning to end, it’s undeniably so. It rewards close-viewings and theory-makers ten-fold, and that detail-orientated approach makes the experience that much richer and more, well, rewarding.

You knew it was coming, but hell, I can’t deny a show that succeeds in doing so many things I love so, so well. 

Personal Reasons: I’ll never forget the experience of watching Not What He Seems for the first few times, or really, a lot of the episodes. Watching the fandom come up with theories about the Stan twins a season in advance, and then seeing those theories made reality in the most spectacular, theatrical episode of the television I’ve ever watched blew me the fuck away.

And getting to talk about it here and with LittleNightwing just made it more of an interactive experience, which is exactly the kind of thing Alex Hirsch wanted.

I know I’ve said this too many times by now, but I even wrote part of an episode for Gravity Falls: Deep Woods (a storyboarded fan-series inspired by the show). When episode three eventually comes out, if they haven’t cut it out for time constraints, my name will be in the credits. And having my name associated with anything related to this show is just an honour.

#3. Futurama

I don’t even know what I can say about Futurama that hasn’t already been said, but whatever, I’m gonna try because I have to include it.

It started airing back in 1999, which was appropriate, because the series starts us out by travelling to the year 2999 on New Years, entering into the new millennium as we enter into this new series. And from there, this lovable portrayal of a future that somehow seems not too far from our present day becomes awesome.

Everything is a little crappy. That’s not a diss on the show, it’s just the reality of the year 3000. It’s not some dystopia, but it’s no utopia, either. It comes with all the problems and foibles of modern day, just with different technology, space travel, and alien races.

And don’t get me started on how inventive it can be. The writers staff behind that show is one of the most educated on television—quite literally, with “three Ph.D.s, seven masters degrees, and cumulatively had more than 50 years at Harvard.”

And they put all that to use to make sure the science behind that sci-fi could work. In fact, they not only created their own alien language for the show, but writer Ken Keeler devised an entirely new math equation to resolve a plot point for the episode “Prisoner of Benda.” In the field, it’s referred to as the Futurama theorem or the Keeler theorem, and has since inspired research.

So when I say next level nerdy, I mean next level nerdy.

Futurama uses this incredible scientific and mathematical power to parody the sci-fi genre with a great sense of humour and a Simpsonian sense of heart. Pretty much all of the main cast has at least one tear-jerker episode, but none so powerful as the infamous Jurrasic Bark, an episode dedicated to telling the story of our main character, Phillip J. Fry, and his dog Seymour. It will tear you apart. 

Personal Reasons: This is yet another series I grew up with, and I think it taught me a lot about storytelling. Episodes like Luck of the Fryrish, The Sting, or the aforementioned Jurrasic Bark end on a incredibly bittersweet note, and to really earn that, the writers build it up expertly.

There’s also episodes like the Emmy-winning Roswell that Ends Well that take these wacky sci-fi concept to insane new levels. Whether or not I can execute on that, it taught me to always push an idea further.

Plus, I followed the series from it’s original run to it’s first cancellation to the four straight-to-DVD movies (that I ADORED renting from Blockbuster) to it’s return and final ending in 2013. It’s been one hell of a ride.

#2. The Simpsons

And at this point, you probably know the whole list. But let’s go through it anyway.

The Simpsons, for me, really is one of the most brilliantly stupid comedies out there. It seems there are a number of comedies on this list that could be written off as just brainless, but I think there’s a charm to that for me. Something that clearly doesn’t take itself too seriously when it doesn’t have to. The Simpsons, in that way, has always been rather inviting to me. 

Despite it’s now nearly 30 year run, it never seems to have an ego about itself, even when some consider it the greatest comedy of all time (me).

There’s an endless amount of hilariously quotable episodes, and like any good comedy, it doesn’t skimp out of the character development or sentimentality. It’s certainly lost it’s touch for the most part, as is the case with a lot of running series, but every now and again, even in the later seasons, it still manages to surprise. 

I couldn’t explain it’s legacy if I tried. It’s currently the longest running animated series, and at this point, seems to have outlived the entire era it was so adept at parodying, but it’s still so legendary I can’t fault it! Even the impossible finally does happen and the show takes its final bow, I know this funny family will keep me laughing for years to come.

Personal Reasons: This started as another show my mom didn’t want me to want, but the reason I got to watch it so much and maybe the reason I love it so much is because my dad loved it.

From that point on, I started collecting the DVD boxsets of every season I could, and enjoying all the early seasons I was too young to watch when they originally aired.

And watching Simpsons reruns in whatever capacity I could became tradition. I still do to this day, even if it’s just online now. It’s become sort of a comfort show, it’s that familiar to me.

Plus, there’s the Movie, and games (The Simpsons Hit and Run is so much better than it has any right to be)—I even wrote an essay on The Simpsons back in high school. 

It’s just been the huge, life-long love for me that will never truly end because of how much it shaped me as a person (as silly as that sounds).

#1. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Shock! Awe! Everyone is stunned! People never would’ve seen this coming if they know me… 

Alright, so I’m predictable (I prefer the term “reliable” but considering how long it took to get this list out…), but it’s strangely so well-suited to everything I love. This entire section is full of personal reasons.

There’s fantastic characters to love (and obsess over); a heart-warming, light-hearted, cute, and ultimately loving tone that’s inexplicably never too saccharine even when it by all means should be; a fascinating fantasy world to dive into; a remarkable at times Disney-esque musical element; an eye-pleasingly soft animation style; an unashamed love of puns—I mean I could actually go on about this for a full year.

I really, really could… over on my main blog (sorry for the self-promo, but it’s relevant).

Year of the Pony, MLP Editorials (which are a big part of YotP)

I’ve dedicated this entire year to talking about My Little Pony in an event I’m calling Year of the Pony. There’s so far been something pretty much every week, themes for every month—I love this show a lot you guys. I really, really do.

That really is the reason I’m doing this event. I’ve been a fan of this show for five, going on six years, and it somehow became my favourite show of all time, even when there are shows out there that I think are objectively better. I’m trying to dissect why that is bit by bit.

For instance, here’s an upcoming two-parter:

These two characters are sisters, and long story short, one was forced to send the other to the moon. This was a story that introduced the series in the first two episodes, and has since been explored by the fandom in every way imaginable. So I have to ask questions that’ll give me a way to talk about how much and why I love this particular story element.

It’s not the greatest tragedy out there, sure, but I’ve seriously gotta figure out why this has struck such a chord with me, you know? 

Obnoxious self-promos aside, I really did fall and fall hard for this series I think because it was still unassuming by the time I got to it. The was a fandom, sure, but I didn’t know what to expect (whether these “bronies” were just using it for memes and liking it ironically or what), and that made it a genuine discovery for me. 

And it’s that very unassuming, unpretentious sweetness that continues to make me love it, even though it’s made a few mistakes along the way. I don’t think it’s a perfect series, but it’s definitely perfect for me. And what more could I ask for in a favourite show?

But that’s just my list. Feel free to tell my some of your favourites or take up the challenge to put out your own list and send it my way! Show me how much better your taste is than mine!

[geek-gem]

So here’s another way of well spoilers man.

To have Shadow change sides and convince him to save the earth along with the others in Sonic Adventure 2 or even Sonic X or whatever version of that story. This is mainly a joke and thought of it. Also was gonna put a title with another that word lol but seriously don’t wanna spoil anything cause one of my friends hasn’t played Sonic Adventure 2 or might as well lol haven’t seen the Sonic X version yet man lol.

In the Space Colony Ark research lab.

Shadow: DON’T YOU DARE TALK TO ME ABOUT FAIR THEY TOOK MARIA AWAY FROM ME THEY TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME WHY SHOULD I HELP THEM EVERYONE ON EARTH DESERVES TO SUFFER JUST AS I HAVE

Lincoln pulls up Lily and shows her to Shadow.

Shadow:…..what…..is this

Lincoln: this is my youngest sister named Lily. She’s only 1 right now but she’ll grow up. Even if she’s young she’s able to grow up. But what your doing now is cause of the ark falling towards the planet. Your basically murdering not just other people, but as well families, children, as well as babies like Lily. If they die they will never be able to achieve their dreams and grow up just like how Maria wasn’t able to grow up and go to that planet.

Lincoln gives Lily to Shadow and Shadow holds her as he looks at her. She is smiling.

Lincoln: do you think Maria would want you to do that. But also do you want that.

Lily in baby talk: shdowo Well however she might sound like saying it lol mate.

After that triggers Shadow’s memories that Maria never wanted Shadow to avenge her in the first place and give the people of Earth a chance to be happy. But by just looking at Lily of just how young she is. He starts tearing up

Shadow: MY GOD WHAT I DONE WHAT HAVE I BECOME SHE NEVER WANTED THIS FORGIVE ME I NEED TO KEEP MARIA’S PROMISE AND PROTECT ALL THE BABIES ON THAT PLANET just breaks down

Even in Shadow’s own game

Black Doom: Shadow join me and we will kill all these humans, their selfish, ignorant, and emotionless. They care for nobody. Never forget what they took away from you

Shadow: my God I’m seriously thinking of destroying this damn planet

Lincoln: Shadow seriously don’t you remember what we talked about

Picks and shows Lily again

Shadow: my God i remember, I remember my purpose in life. I know who I am I’m Shadow the hedgehog, protector of this planet, destined to destroy the Black Arms, and I kept a promise to Maria THIS IS WHO I AM PLUS THIS IS FOR ALL THE DAMN BABIES NOW LINCOLN WHERE IS THAT DAMN FOURTH CHAOS EMERALD

Black Doom: okay seriously Shadow not even me showing you the most horrifying sight in your life is enough to get you to join me. Or even you figuring out that Gerald wanted you to destroy the Black Comet. Seriously for babies. How about you look at our babies

Shadow: uck even if their cute a bit but their maybe the same as you okay we don’t know your species that much. Including seriously look at all the shit and destruction you’ve done. Also look at you, you look like the God damn devil a alien version at least man. Your voice as well. Honestly Black Doom I’m amazed you aren’t made out to be a parody of being an edgy villain while everyone is making fun of me being dark and all that. But look at you and the concept of the Black Arms. Yeah you seem cool but seriously in a way I feel sorry to say I feel at times my own game should of never existed and they Sonic Adventure 2 was more of a Shadow game and even more mature then my crap of a game

Black Doom: wow you’ve hurt my feelings. Also seriously I’m not really sorry Shadow my own son I disown, this was the way I was made. Yet no wonder GeekGem voices me and makes jokes saying stupid stuff

Well I’ve put tags and during this Loud House lol was on a bit.

Wanted to make this stupid funny lol shit man. Yet oh yeah this stupid idea lol of mine despite how serious Shadow is he likes kids cause almost left he lol but they remind g him of Maria

edit g yeah lol sorry or some what not I WANTED TO MAKE THIS SHIT LOL HESITATED TO POST LOL RIGHT THUMB DANG DAMN LOL G STP STOP MATE