#I now realize that stuff like me wanting to eat cheese bc I like the taste but generally avoiding it bc I get stomach aches

[vydumaj]

I’m currently going through a minor identity crisis after, like, two weeks ago, at the age of 23, realizing I’m lactose intolerant. I drank some hot chocolate, got a really bad stomach ache, and thought to myself “it’s nothing, I always get a stomach ache after drinking hot chocolate”, remembered I got a stomach ache after eating ice cream two days before and then realized…maybe getting a stomach ache every time you drink hot chocolate (regardless of how little) isn’t…normal. it’s been like that for at least half a year, up to like 2-3 years… I guess I should’ve expected this since my stomach is super sensitive and my dad is lactose intolerant and also Thai (84-96% of Thai people are lactose intolerant depending on which study you look at) … at least lactase enzyme pills seem to work for me so I won’t need to give up ice cream lmao

[devious-crow]

today's dream is gonna be long

today i had a dream that there was a zombie apocalypse. and i was stranded in the ruins of my apartment, surrounded by zombies. the people with me I think we're my ex and my mother.

it was a constant battle, I kept going from place to place and trying to not let them in, I even lost my fucking gun once (I FORGOT WHERE I PUT IT. MY DREAM SELF IS NOT IMMUNE TO ADHD MAN) and i had to fight the zombie with my bare hands and like a small pocket knife..

then it became so unbearable we had to pack our shit and run. cus we were borderline starving for weeks, only eating stale veggies and canned shit. no meat, no eggs, no nothing. zero protein. we didn't have legit malnutrition, but we were on a thin thread from it.

so we ran, the world for some reason transformed. there was A HUGE MALL, more like one singular huge store, and there were Employees!!! and zombies as well!! those ppl were working and sorting stuff, and they even wore uniforms. me and my companions split up, but I grouped up with two other ppl.

we tried to get to the top floor of this store. all while helping the employees a little bit with sorting and being chased by zombies. we eventually got there, and ended up on the roof, and there was a crashed plane. there were seats inside, but more than 50% of the seats were cleared up to place... a kitchen! there was a chef, and as we walked in he asked us what we wanted to eat.

it was like a little show, he would prepare our food in front of us. I was flabbergasted. I thought the society devolved into nothingness, but there was a huge mall, that was never there, and there was an irl cooking show? I wonder if they had internet still in some places.

ofc i ordered a medium well steak and eggs. because I've been craving both for months. while he was cooking i tried to get to know other people, but everyone was leaving because they already had their fill and we're on their way.

but there was a man. he was familiar.. but I couldn't place my finger on it. his hair was blonde, and he didn't have some of his limbs. he was wearing uniform. I said hello and sheepishly asked, if he's been to war or if the apocalypse did that to him. he hesitated, looked at me, and asked me not to bring up all that. I apologized.

he ordered a medium well steak as well, and some macaroni with cheese. he asked for big macaroni and to put cheese inside each.

he was accompanied by some woman. I didn't have a chance to talk to her.

I ofc didn't ask any questions because chef seemed kind but a little unstable, so I didn't wanna bother him, since my other companions left me alone, and i couldn't get myself in trouble.

later I said my goodbyes and regrouped with my mother. we went on, to search for more safe places. then I had a realization. the man was my father. the man in the crashed plane restaurant !! was my dad. I didn't recognize him because of his bleached hair and bc of the scarring on his face!!!

I started telling that to my mother because all these months we were stranded she convinced me my father had abandoned me and that he would've come back already if he wanted to. but I was concerned, because it hasn't been that long. why didn't he say anything? why was he an amputee now? what happened?

then i woke up

[shinkei-shinto]

this one requires a little bit of context:

so I make faces when I taste things. I've wondered if I have the "supertaster" thing, but an ex verbally berated me about that so I've stopped claiming it, plus I think there's something else going on.

anyways, I make faces when I taste things. as long as it's strong in taste (alcohol always does it, most fruits do it) my face will screw up and be weird -- so much so, that a friend in college specifically stole me away to feed me a shot of absinthe and record my face contorting over it, once.

And, of course, I've always done this - ever since I was aware of awareness, anyways, which means I did this as a little kid. And I think lots of little kids probably do this! These flavors are new and intense in strange ways! I bet kids make faces even when they eat something they like, much less a new thing with a strong flavor.

So now, the not-normal-story part:

I've never had a meatball. Before college, I had never had oranges, grapes, I've still never had an enchilada (grew up in Texas, hello!) there are so many things that I've only gotten to try as an adult,

because my mother didn't believe in little kids, I guess?

I made faces as a kid, too. For everything. I'd try something and my face would screw up, and she would instantly declare, out loud, while taking away whatever I had tried, "oh, [they're] picky, [they] won't eat this!"

Didn't matter what it was, didn't matter how I felt about it, didn't matter what I said afterwards, didn't matter if I could later "prove" I "liked it" by eating more elsewhere. Once she had Decided that I was "too picky" and "didn't like it", that was it! I was never allowed to even try that foodstuff ever again.

Oh, except for things she thought her children should eat. "Try two bites" every single time she put asparagus on the table. "Two bites! Your tastebuds change!" every single time there were brussel sprouts. I ate the fuck out of peas, green beans, broccoli, btw. It wasn't a greens issue.

Eventually, I grew up, and while I now get to try things on my own, I've also discovered other things that came of this horrible treatment of children: I can't handle spice. Like, at all. I used to be able to tell when pepper had been added into a dish because that would cause it to be "too spicy" for me. Regular black pepper! I used to cut the edges off of nice steaks bc the pepper crust was too much for me! It has taken years for me to get to the point where I can have pepper and a couple of other spices inside of food without my mouth registering them as "spicy". Years of slowly raising my tolerance and trying things every single opportunity I get.

So today, as I was walking through my kitchen, getting my breakfast, and I saw the jar of four-cheese red pasta sauce my partner and I picked up from a grocery store to have with pasta at some point, I realized:

I've never had a meatball. While my whole family was eating homemade meatballs, red sauce, and spaghetti every single sunday, I sat there, having nothing but plain - unbuttered! - pasta.

If any of this sounds familiar in any way, congratulations: you were abused! I'm sorry to be the bearer of this news, but there's good news too!

Now that I'm an adult, I get to try everything. I have experiences as an adult that I've never had before in my life. Do you know how incredible it is to taste a fruit for the first time while in full control of my faculties? To have the ability to try things, to spit them out without judgement if I need to, and to discover that things actually taste good! There are things out there that I have NEVER even thought about, that I never had the chance to try as a kid, and now I get to try it as an adult, and that means I can buy as much of that stuff as I want. Ha!

[sunghun]

enhypen when you call them by their name

requested; yes :)

warnings; some cursing, brief mentions of food

note; i feel like its been so long since i've posted a reaction/headcanon 😭😭 idk whats up but i just haven't been in the best place mentally for a while now and i've been lacking in motivation to write pretty much anything lol :') hopefully i can get over this slump soon tho!

희승 - heeseung;

"hey heeseung could you hand me my phone?"

"yeah sure here you go"

on the outside he'll pretend nothings wrong

but on the inside....

mans is having a whole breakdown 😔😔

did he forget something?

or say something??

or do something???

WHAT DID HE DO

but ofc he wont say anything to u about it

so finally after like an hour of you calling him by his name and getting no reaction

you give up out of boredom

much to the relief of your poor boyfriend

“hey babe do you-“

let’s out the BIGGEST sigh

“oh thank goodness i thought you were mad at me”

“? no?? i was just seeing how would react lol”

…..

“are you kidding me 😐”

stormiiii u look like mommy baby

makes you promise to not do it again bc his heart can’t handle the stress </3

제이 - jay;

“so jay i was-“

“that’s not my name to you”

“jay could you-“

“no”

will straight up Not do anything for you if you do this to him

like fr there is nothing he hates more than you calling him by his name

hates it even more if you call him jongseong 😭

“jongseong~”

“you’re on thin fucking ice sweetheart”

oh yeah even tho you’re torturing him by using his government name

he’ll still call you the sweetest pet names in the book :)

but they’ll get progressively weirder the longer you do it

“hey jay”

“hey sugar”

“jay which do you like better?”

“idk cupcake it’s up to you”

“jay could you bring me some water?”

“of course eggie anything for you”

eventually you cave after getting called mac n’ cheese

“OKAY. darling, baby, love of my life. i’ll call you whatever you want just please stop using food as nicknames for me”

“sure thing pumpkin 😉”

제이크 - jake;

“hey jake should we eat out tonight?”

“what did i do”

gets straight to the point like

he has no time for this jake nonsense

go back to babe :/

“wdym you didn’t do anything?”

“then what’s with this ‘jake’ stuff”

“……it’s your name”

“no it’s not :( it’s babycakes :((”

gets SO pouty if you keep using his name

“oh jake did-“

“NAUUUURR why do you keep doing this 😞😞”

if you keep it up for more than a few hours he might try and bribe you lol

“if you stop calling me jake i’ll let you pick out the movie for tonight”

“jake you let me do that anyway”

“damn it”

eventually tho

when you finally give up and start calling him baby again

be prepared to be attacked with kisses :(

“thankyouthankyouthankyou. please never do that again :((“

and how could you resist those puppy eyes 🥺

성훈 - sunghoon;

“hey sunghoon could you hand me the remote”

“yeah….sure…..”

is Very Unsettled

he’s not super crazy about pet names even tho he’ll call you the occasional ‘babe’ or ‘sweetheart’

but he knows for a fact that you love to use them for him

so why is he suddenly sunghoon??

What Happened 🧐🧐

might be a little cautious around you for a bit

but once he realizes that you’re not mad at him or anything

and you’re just doing it to mess with him

then be prepared to get called the cheesiest, most ridiculous pet names

“hey sunghoon what do you think about this shirt?”

“it’s looks good sweet cheeks!”

“sunghoon could come here for a second?”

“of course sugar lips”

“sunghoon would you mind bringing me the chips?”

“of course not schnookums”

moral of the story is

unless you’re willing to be called a plethora of ridiculous names

don’t pull the sunghoon card

bc he could go on for days <3

선우 - sunoo;

do NOT do this unless you are willing to deal with an extremely sassy sunoo

bc he Will get offended

“hey sunoo you wanna watch a movie later?”

“excuse me? what did you just call me??”

“sunoo….?”

“okay 🙄 whatever you say”

seriously tho

he may low-key turn into a brat rip </3

“sunoo can you bring me my bag?”

“i don’t know, CAN i??”

my bro does not mess around

his name to you isn’t sunoo and it will never be sunoo

and if you somehow manage to put up with it for a while

he’ll pull the uno reverse card on you

“sunoo have you seen my charger?”

“last i saw it was in the living from Y/N”

and ur just like wait no

don’t worry tho as soon as you go back to your regular pet names the monster in him dies and he goes back to being your sweet boyfie <3

“hey baby could you bring me some water?”

“of course angel would you like anything else as well?”

his range <33

정원 - jungwon;

“jungwon look at this meme!”

unsettled part 2

who are you and what have you done to y/n

bc you don’t ever use his name?

it’s always a pet name or some kind of cute variation of his name

But Just Jungwon ??

never

doesn’t really react on the outside

but mentally he’s desperately trying to figure out what’s going on

he knows for a fact that he didn’t forget anything

and to his knowledge he hasn’t upset you in any way

maybe this is your way of trying to say you want him to use pet names for you more?

bc other than the occasional babe he doesn’t really call u anything special :/

so the next time you use his name he’s Prepared

“jungwon do you want anything while i’m up?”

“all i need is you, my sweet muffin 😉”

“okay…..”

“omg jungwon you have to listen to this song!”

“sure thing honeybun”

“…..right.”

lmao needless to say it kind of backfires on both of you

but when you go back to calling him baby and honey and all that he is very relieved

니키 - niki;

“hey riki you wanna play mario cart?”

“yeah sure!”

unfortunately this boy doesn’t react at all :[

which you find kinda weird considering you hardly call him by his name at all??

like he’s always been babe to you

and now that you actually use his name

he doesn’t do or say anything??

“do you wanna come to the store with me riki?”

“yeah let’s go!”

“riki hand me those scissors please”

“here you go”

boooo how boring :/

internally tho…..

he’s kinda freaking out </3

bc hello?

you’ve always called him babe or some other affectionate term

and now he’s suddenly riki?

immediately goes to the worst possible situation like

oh no they’re breaking up with me and this is how they’re trying to break it to me

but once you give up the prank after continually getting no reaction from him

he is Very relieved

“hey babe do you want a snack?”

“oh THANK GOD”

and you’re just like 🤨

“damn i didn’t know you were that hungry-“

“Please give me a warning before using my name next time”

is very happy to be called baby as long as it’s by you <3

[turtle-steverogers]

she is very long so. enjoy😌

- Steve n Bucky going to the bodega down the street from their apartment. it’s open till like 4am and they go at all hours. sometimes they’ll go separately but they always go together when they go in between 12-4 am and no one who works there questions why

- they get a cat that they treat her like their child. it’s Alpine ofc😌 steve loves her so much but he knows it’s Bucky’s Cat and he’s fine with it

- you know how some siblings or partners or friends can communicate with their eyes and basically have telepathy? they totally have that and it annoys the shit out of every single person they meetjdksndks. someone will be talking to them and they will just make eye contact with each other bc it reminded them of an earlier convo they had or they both got annoyed by the other person or it reminds them of an inside joke or something and it just irritates EVERYONE. no one is able to intercept it and it’s just a thing that no matter what - even though they don’t mean to - you’ll feel a little left out when you’re with steveandbucky. it just comes with the gig. i like to imagine that depending on if it’s an au or not, its either really obvious or not. like in an au then yes it’s obvious they can have non verbal conversations, but if it’s not an au then it’s not entirely obvious bc they’re enhanced humans and they know how to hide their secret conversations. but everyone they talk to is essentially an enhanced human or has special abilities so it’s obvious to them and they catch them in the act LOL. if they’re interacting with regular people then it’s not very obvious though

- DATE NIGHT!!! yes they’re old yes they have date night. when they go out it’s usually to places in their neighborhood, but a lot of the time they like to stay in bc. they’re old men <3 steve is better at cooking and bucky is better at baking bc you can get creative with cooking and steve likes that more. he enjoys baking a lot too but he thinks bucky’s stuff tastes better. whenever they stay home though there’s ALWAYS a movie. always. they alternate choosing but there is always a movie to watch. bucky usually falls asleep nearing the end and steve plays with his hair😌 he rolls his eyes cause it happens every time but he actually likes when it happens bc he can braid strands of hair together

- pet names oh my god. so many pet names. every single one. mainly from bucky. steve uses them but maybe like two. he favors sweetie and buck and that’s it really. sometimes he uses hon. bucky though oh my god. every single pet name under the sun. so many variations of doll you wouldn’t believe - baby doll ofc, dolly, stevie doll. sweetheart. sweetness. blondie. pretty boy. hot stuff. stevie. baby. hon. honey. sunshine. angel. it’s just so many. and it’s like very sickening insane twisted etc but hot at the same time. most people are like jeez barnes do you ever shut up… but most of these people secretly think it’s a little hot theyre thinking damn where is that affection for me…. i need me a bucky barnes :| steve is the only smitten kitten outwardly even if he huffs and puffs sometimes but it’s obvious he enjoys it. like they are so annoyingjdkssn for real they aren’t a pda couple really but the petnames….. so many. so so so many it’s sickeningly sweet but bucky dgaf! steve is his sweetheart his dolly his baby his angel so he’s going to call him these things!

- steve knows his body is what is considered “perfect” but he still is insecure about it around most people and bucky knows this so when steve lounges at home in bucky’s boxer briefs and his own tee shirt or he kicks off his pants when he’s too hot at night in bed bucky is reminded of just how much steve loves him and feels comfortable around him which is something he always strives for - to make steve comfortable. not baby him because steve bitches at anyone that does that to him but to make him feel comfortable

- and on the subject of feeling comfortable i imagine that they always check in with one another but it’s very subconscious they hardly realize they do it. like steve will bitch at bucky to pick up his shoes from their doorway or to clean his hair from the shower drain but the next second he will ask him if his back still hurts from being kicked by sam and from where steve AND alpine scratched him (in very different ways)

- steve is the sweater husband and bucky is the sweatshirt husband. they trade off a lot but that’s just how their closets look

- steve takes a liking to crop tops 😌 but ONLY around the house bc again he’s really truly only comfortable around bucky. he wears em with boxer briefs or sweatpants but you can guarantee that the briefs and sweats usually just end up on the floor 9 out of 10 times

- hair ties everywhere. they can be found on the floor in the laundry in their bed in the couch on top of the fridge on their fire escape. they are literally everywhere. steve just picks them up and puts them in the bathroom but they always make their way back. he doesn’t say anything to bucky until he finds alpine chewing one and she ends up smacking herself in the face with the hairtie

- their fridge is always full with leftovers and food from sam or clint’s or whoever’s house or takeout. they always eat it all but they get and make a lot of food so the fridge is always full

- subconsciously bucky always has a hand on the back of steve’s neck. like it’s not ENTIRELY a possessive thing but he used to do it a lot when steve was small because it was easy and it was comfortable. for him and just for him and steve. it was like swinging an arm around steve’s shoulders or putting a hand on his shoulder. it was just natural and easy so he did it. a part of him back then prewar did it possessively too, but he always tampered that down bc steve wasn’t his. now he does it without shame

- steve really likes tofu and vegan meat, non dairy milk like almond and soy, and overall a lot of non dairy vegan foods, and a lot of fruits. he gets made fun of for a lot specifically about the vegan stuff but his reasoning is that there’s so much food accessible for people with allergies in the future that he wished existed a hundred years ago so he’s going to try it and stick with it if he likes it. people shut up after that

- he also tips a little more than he needs to everywhere he goes. everywhere. like it’s cool when steve rogers walks in to a restaurant bc he’s a superhero or whatever but its REALLY cool because he leaves a generous tip and that’s what really makes peoples day

- before they get legally married they are still very much married. like “i packed you lunch, meet me at the restaurant instead of me going to pick you up bc it’ll take longer, i got takeout let’s bitch together while we watch shitty reality tv, let’s bitch at EACH OTHER through the phone in public, let’s send each other ugly pictures of each other or funny texts while we’re right next to each other, i’m out with a group and you’re not there and i say multiple times ‘i miss steve/bucky’, let’s yell at each other from opposite ends of the apartment instead of getting up to see each other, steve i’m going to fuck you on the couch bc our room is too far, etc.” they are just very much married without the documents and legalities and it’s very obvious

okay all of these were ABSOLUTELY wonderful and im really going to restrain my urge to respond to each and every one but that might be futile

-okay YES they definitely go to that bodega at all hours, and usually it's for normal things when they go separately: milk, cereal, toilet paper. but when they go in the middle of the night, they almost always purchase some like odd assortment of candies and deli meat. also, they're always in their pajamas. like bucky's in plaid pj pants and a star wars sweatshirt, and steve is in like 5" shorts and a huge crewneck and they're both in slides and they definitely only speak russian to each other when they're in there after hours

-yes alpine! they also have a dog, that is more steve than bucky's!! his name is norman in my headcanon (and a couple of my fics) and he is best boy

-okay i need more of this in my general stucky life: steve and bucky being like,,, best friends as well as lovers and being so seamlessly close. like yeah, they definitely talk with their eyes, or just one glance, or half-sentences ("hey, did you ever get to--" "yup, on the way home. it was so--" "yeah, good. glad to hear") and they know exactly what the other is saying.

-yes to the date nights!!! and when they stay in to watch movies, they make Tons of popcorn. and they Have to make separate batches, because steve will Only eat his with like half a bottle of that powdered white cheddar on his

-YES we share the same fucking headcanon for petnames on god

Steve: love you, buck:)

Bucky: love you, pumpkin

-Steve definitely has body dysmorphia, probably even post serum (I have lots of thoughts on this, that might be a different post) and yeah, Bucky definitely knows its Big that he feels comfortable enough to be exposed around him (and he's even more honored that steve lets him be intimate with him, because that's really hard for steve, too)

-yeah! and easy check ins like "ur stomach still bothering you from last night?" "oh, no it was just a little bug turns out" or like "my head hurts:(" "i have meds in my bag. you want?" "yeah, just two" or like subtly checking on injuries, yeah

-yeah the sweater versus sweatshirt tracks tbh i picture steve in a lot of crewnecks so yeah

-STEVE IN CROP TOPS STEVE IN CROP TOPS and i raise you they're often ones he's cropped himself and he's also painted on! or bleach painted!! and theyre so cool and bucky never wants to make a big deal out of it, but he's so proud of steve for expressing himself like that

-ALPINE SMACKING HERSELF ALKFJALSDKFJA also steve always has a hairtie on HIS wrist in case bucky forgets one for himself

-they also always have Steve Staple Foods cuz i headcanon steve as a picky eater (adhd!steve + serum enhancements, it's down to a formula) so they have a lot of Kraft mac and cheese and easy heat up meals and lunch meats around for when he's having bad food days

-OMG and steve absolutely MELTS i raise you, too, bucky will especially hold the back of his neck when he needs to get steve to Chill Out. so like if he sees him stressing he'll put his hand on the back of his neck and squeeze and literally feel the tension drain from him or like if steve is having a panic attack, he'll hold the back of his neck while they breathe together

-yes and also any time that steve is Choosing food for himself and feeling motivated to eat it, it's a win, so people learn to back off there, too

-yes! he tips generously, but never awkwardly or offensively. he's also super kind and patient to food service workers!

-this last point is so perfect i cant. like yeah, back to steve and bucky just being,,,, the best of friends. ugly selfies galore, shoving their feet in each other's face, flicking each others ears. and yes, all the fucking gossiping. on the phone gossip, venting, fun gossip from around work. they talk about it all. and it's so great for them

thank you again for stopping by! your thoughts are impeccable!

[cemeteryrocks900]

Lunch @ 1:30pm: f3@r f00d!!:

burger with Swiss cheese

About 1/2 cup carrots with 1 tbs ranch

I will only ever eat a small amount of ranch with carrots, otherwise, I hate ranch

Snack @ 2:45pm:

apples with caramel, cinnamon and a little bit of chocolate syrup bc I wanted to know how it tasted (not great I’ve learned)

Dinner @ 6pm:

Buffalo chicken and cheese

I call this a poverty chicken wrap, we were out of lettuce, sour cream, literally everything

1/2 carrots w/ 1tbs ranch

I ended up only eating a little bit of the wrap bc I realized I kinda hate chicken? I used to love it but up until I came home and started recovery but I got ONE piece of the grilled chicken that tasted like shite and looked a little pink even thought the chicken came pre cooked, I was still paranoid so I pushed the whole thing away

Dessert @ 7:30ish:

Chocolate lava cake baked oats!!!

My boyfriend was over today so we made them together, he’s not a big chocolate fan so the chocolate made him sick, so I did something I thought I would never do… I ate some of his too!!! He got the good one that had a lot of extra chocolate which was the one that should’ve been mine but how could you tell lol, but they were pretty good, I can share the recipe if anyone wants it :)

How I’m feeling now?:

I feel full of guilt, really upset with myself, my bloating making me look actually 4-5 months pregnant… I would show you guys so you have an idea and so you know I’m not over exaggerating but I don’t want to post that kind of stuff, AND I’m a minor and don’t want my picture used as a reason to not recover, because recovery is good!! But the process is very annoying with the bloating

I feel so bad about myself all the time and feel like my stomach is the worst thing in the world

Anyway, tell me about your day, how are you? How have you been? Have you had a good or bad day today? Tell me about it, anon or not <3 I want to hear about you guys

[kyidyl]

Texture anon: What do you like then ? I’m curious since I’m also a texture eater and there’s just so many textures I can’t stand.

So on top of the texture thing I also hate cooking (mostly bc adhd means I don't start until I'm ravenously hungry and then I'm impatient. It's a whole thing.).

For breakfast I eat a lot of cereal, but I also like muffins, bagels, and other baked goods. Pancakes and French toast are also good. Sometimes fruit or yogurt. I usually cut up a banana on my cereal (I know a lot of people find them slimy but I don't for whatever reason.), bc there's a lot of good stuff in bananas. Also, oatmeal is great bc you actually can vary the texture wildly by altering the amount of liquid you use and the length of time you cook it for. Plus it comes in easy to store packages and a million flavors. So if you're in a dorm room or a place where you don't have a full kitchen, then you can just get an electric kettle and that'll work great. In a pinch you can even use a coffee maker without any coffee in it to make hot water. I used to use the keurig at work for boiling water all the time. So you can take a coffee cup, put a packet or two of oatmeal in it, and cook it in the microwave or with hot water, and then add some coffee creamer to doctor the flavor and texture. Before I was DX and realized that my issues making food and being hungry at work were 100% adhd related I used to feel lazy about keeping this kind of food in my desk but now I realize I was working with my brain and it's ok.

Lunch, well...I don't eat lunch so I've got nothing. I used to eat salad sometimes tho. I'm not talking healthy salad. Find a texture of lettuce you don't hate. Then cover it in cheese, egg, bacon bits, and dressing. It's A+.

For dinner...I will eat pretty much anything with pasta in it bc I like both the taste and texture of pasta. I also love Chinese food but like only certain kinds. And for YEARS I would eat lo mein and spend ages picking out all the inedible bits until I realized I could order it with no veggies and my life would be better. I also like crab Rangoon and sweet n sour chicken. So that's what I eat at Chinese places. Most meat is ok if I can see it so I can cut off the gristle. The other thing is if there's something you like the taste of but not the texture, look for it in another form. Like I mentioned I hate the texture of tomatoes. So I just found the smoothest pasta sauce on the market (prego) and use that. There's still chunks of tomato but they're large and easy to pick out. It's the little nasty shards of tomato skin that I can't deal with and it's fortunately low on that and doesn't have nasty random pieces of onion. There's also nothing wrong with like running your sauce through a blender to make it smooth. I'll also use onion powder in place of onions when I can and if you like garlic but hate the texture, garlic powder is another good option. Some foods I'll take the risk for tho. Like I looove bourbon chicken and I just play gristle roulette when I'm having an OK texture day. Vs like that one time I got an unprocessed chunk of pork in a hot dog and that was literally probably almost 30 years ago and I STILL will only eat turkey hot dogs. Which reminds me...sometimes it's also the way you cook something. I love the taste of bacon but hate the texture so instead of a sad bacon-less existence I'll either burn it crispy in the pan, bake it in the oven (which converts the gristle texture of the fat to something acceptable.), or eat turkey bacon....god turkey bacon is so good. But yeah if I go out I ask them to burn the bacon so they actually get it crispy enough. Rice also has an acceptable texture, so that gives me another filler/staple food that isn't pasta. Oh, I also love mashed sweet potatoes. Use whipping cream when you make them so they get nice and creamy. A little brown sugar and coconut on top, cook for 15 mins, and awwww yas. I like sushi, too, but only certain kinds. It took me YEARS to find sushi I enjoyed. Mostly if it has eel, yellowtail, or tempura shrimp in it I'll eat it. Eel is actually really frikkin good and doesn't have the gross texture the name implies. Avocados are good too, but I have the cilantro soap gene so guacamole is nasty. Avocado + tuna fish + Swiss cheese on an English muffin is great and not terrible for you. Also I love Mac n cheese. Like kraft dinner in the blue box because I like junk food. My favorite food is ice cream.

Oh! If you never have before, try a Rainier cherry and a white peach. They're both far superior to their more common cousins. Rainier cherries are only in season for like two months around now, but they're worth it.

So basically, when it comes to textures I don't like but tastes that I do like I try to change the form the thing comes in so I can eat it. Btw, idk how you feel about soda but I hate the fizz and I've found code red mountain dew to have a low amount of fizz so that's what I drink when I want caffeine.

[lucky-starling]

My roommates been annoying me bc she keeps talking about wanting to go on a diet and eat healthy but she exclusively gets nutritional info from like advertisements on Facebook or something? We've been buying avocado oil (which is like 4x as expensive as olive oil) for months because she thought she read something somewhere some time that said avocado oil was the healthiest oil, just to realize she misread it. And now she's decided to just cut all oil out of her diet... and sugar! She's on the "honey is healthier than sugar!" Kick and I've tried explaining to her multiple times that the body breaks down excess sugar and honey into fat at the same rate it just doesn't spike your blood sugar, so switching to honey is recommended for DIABETICS not for WEIGHT LOSS. But she thinks rich social media influencers with links in their bio to some shit health food know more than like, actual nutritionists I guess. She bought a pound of hemp chia flax seed mix for like 10 bucks saying that if she eats that she can get nutrients from the seeds that will let her skip meals??? I asked her to tell me a single nutrient that any one of those 3 seeds contained and she balked at me in the grocery store.

I cook most of the food in my house, for everyone, because I'm mostly unemployed (I make a mostly passive income) so I've taken on the domestic work. And I cook fucking healthy, like fresh produce 90% of the time. And she refuses to eat anything I make if any oil or sugar has even touched it. Soups? Oils in most of them. Baked goods? God no. She won't even eat a fucking fried egg if I spray the pan with cooking spray for 1 whole second so I don't fuck up my pans because that's OIL. ?????? The worst part is, since she refuses to eat a lot of the shit I cook, you know what she eats instead? FUCKING??? SUGARY CEREALS AND FAST FOOD AND SHIT THATS LOADED WITH CHEESE AND SNACK FOODS THAT HAVE A FUCKTON OF SUGAR AND SALT. I've tried explaining to her that she's eating MORE shit thats gonna cause her to gain weight by choosing to have like, pop tarts for breakfast instead of my omelets, not to mention it's less filling. I've tried explaining volume eating and intuitive eating and actual nutrition to her. I've tried explaining how the people she's getting her nutritional info from have a financial incentive to lie to her. She refuses to listen, refuses to eat half the stuff I make, and then spends all our grocery money on worthless expensive health food.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Damijon Secret Santa

@woahjaybird happy holidays ris!!!!!!!!!! i admit, i was a bit confused, bc you signed up for a ship fic exchange and requested platonic bros, but whatever. i hope you like it!

To be honest, it was something Damian said a lot. 

Jon heard those words practically every time Damian opened his mouth: in the middle of a mission, when they were baking pies with Ma Kent, during a stakeout, on a rooftop eating takeout. 

They used to be annoying. God, sometimes Jon just wanted to drop his restraint and punch Damian in the face, full-force. Especially when he said those words, again and again and again. Over time, though, Jon grew used to them, and after a while, they just began to amused him.

You should be afraid of me.

Because Jon never understood those words. What was there to be scared of?

The two of them were sitting on a rooftop in Metropolis, Jon with his long legs dangling over the side of the building, Damian cross-legged next to him. Taking a long slurp of his smoothie, Jon glanced over at Damian, who was outlining their plan of attack for tomorrow-- a mission to take down an arms dealer who had been working out of Metropolis for months. With Dad stretched thin over League, international, and intergalactic affairs, criminals were becoming a little less hesitant to step foot into the city. Superboy and Robin would be taking care of that soon.

Jon was listening, he really was. The battle plans were definitely lodging themselves somewhere in Jon’s subconsciousness. But he had to admit, most of his attention was fixed firmly on Damian himself.

Jon remembered the days the prickly young boy would throw his nose up haughtily in the air, state he’d been intelligent enough to have a doctorate at seven years old, and miff at anyone who insinuated otherwise. It was a far sight from when Damian had  curled himself up on Jon’s bed, and under the guise of watching a movie, told Jon about his acceptance into the most prestigious art schools in Gotham. 

And that was the reason behind Jon’s inattention, wasn’t it? Damian was eighteen, now. Their age difference didn’t seem like much when they were ten and thirteen and going against the world with all the confidence of a couple boys playing pretend. Now, Damian had a weariness in his shoulders, but lips that quirked up into a smile far too often, skin layered in scars but hands gentler than Jon ever thought he was capable of. Jon himself was a fumbling, awkward fifteen year old with jeans that were always too short, hair that was always too messy. And Jon used to think he was over feeling inferior to his best friend.

He’d miss him. Jon would miss Damian so much. Sure, Damian would probably try and keep their visits somewhat consistent, but work would pile up, and a curator would probably see Damian’s talents and whisk him away to the world of the famous artists, and Damian would forget he ever had a friend named Jon and would go on to become a household name while Jon spent the rest of his life living in his parents’ house and updating his mediocre blog that he started because of a dare.

No, he wasn’t being dramatic, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, Damian seemed to catch onto his lack of attention and snapped his fingers underneath Jon’s nose, startling him back to focus.

Never one to sugarcoat, Damian said, “You look miserable.”

“What? No, I’m fine!” Jon didn’t know why he even tried to play it off, he’d never been able to lie to Damian.

“Right. My mistake. Someone who was fine would definitely spend the past hour drinking out of a smoothie cup that’s already empty.”

Huh. Jon hadn’t even realized he’d finished the drink. He put it to the side and shook his head. “Really, it’s not a pro-oblem.” Oh, goddamnit.

“Your voice cracks are ridiculous,” Damian informed him. Why had Jon ever thought he’d changed? That smug voice was as irritating as ever.

“Yeah, they’re hilarious, thanks.”

“I don’t understand why you’re upset.” Apparently, this matter was serious enough for Damian to put his map down. Wasn’t that comforting?

But Jon had never liked to keep things from his best friend. “That. That’s what’s bothering me.”

“Your voice cracks?” Now Damian just sounded confused.

“Yes! No, I don’t know. I just don’t like them.” Jon crossed his arms in frustration.

When he looked over at Damian, the other boy’s eyes were wide, and in that stupidly deep and non-cracking voice, he said, “This conversation has gone well past the point of understanding and I’m going to continue with the plan now.”

Jon sighed. “No, Damian, it’s not that.”

“Then?”

Searching for the right words, Jon drummed his fingers together. “You...you’re going off to that fancy art school soon. You’re all grown up. And here I am with my stupid video games and voice cracks.”

Jon wasn’t exactly sure what he was expecting. Damian could never be called a master of social interaction, and his basic settings were sarcastic, condescending, or incredulous. Still, Jon expected something a bit kinder than:

“You’re such a moron, Jonathan.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

Jon stared at Damian for a moment, blinking stupidly. “So I tell you about the problem that’s been eating me up for weeks, and all you say is that I’m a moron? Thank you so much for that.”

“I’m telling you you’re a moron because you’re worrying about something so inconsequential.”

“Oh please, do elaborate.”

Damian paused, then let out a tired sigh, turning to face Jon. This was going to be a serious conversation, then.

“Jonathan. I have told you time and time again. You should be scared of me-”

“Oh my god,” Jon interrupted. “This stuff, again?” He was laughing now. “I know, I know. You should be horrified, cower in terror underneath my ruthlessness, blah blah blah. You say it all the time, I get it. I should be scared of you.”

Damian stared at him. “Are you done?” he said with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m tired of you bringing up the same thing over and over, Damian.”

“And in saying that, you just proved my point.”

Jon frowned in confusion. “What?”

“I’ve always said that you should be afraid of me. But you never have been, not since the moment we met.”

“Like there’s anything to be scared of.”

“Yes, Jonathan. There is.” Damian looked Jon in the eye, his gaze sharp and serious.

Damian’s honesty was strange, something Jon wasn’t used to, so he tried to play it off with a laugh. “Yeah, yeah, assassin training’s tough-”

“When I was six years old, I murdered a man in front of his daughter.”

Jon fell silent.

“I used to command an entire legion in my grandfather’s army. We completely destroyed and took down three different countries.”

“Damian, I-” 

“Once, Grandfather put me in a straightjacket and wrapped me in chains, surrounded by trained guards, with no instruction other than to escape. And I did.”

Hesitantly, Jon said, “I never knew.”

“Because I never told you. That, and so much more, is why everybody I ever know has been scared of me.”

“Even Nightwing?”

“Nightwing grew out of it eventually,” Damian admitted. “But everyone else. The rest of the bats. Father. Even Mother. There’s fear in their eyes when they look at me.”

“Oh. Uh,” Jon shrugged. “That sucks.”

“That sucks?” Damian said, dry but amused.

“I didn’t know what else to say!” Jon defended.

“See? That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

Jon furrowed his eyebrows. “You’ve been trying to tell me it sucks? Because I already knew it sucks.”

“Jonathan…” Damian trailed off, then grabbed Jon’s wrists with his own hands.

“Hey!” Jon protested, though only out of surprise. Because Damain’s hands were warm and his thumb was pressing down on Jon’s pulse point and Jon could honestly say he had no objection to this.

Damian’s face showed nothing but piercing intensity: brows furred and eyes locked on Jon’s own. “Jon. Look me in the eyes, and tell me you’re scared of me.”

“But I’m not?”

“I just told you things that would have grown men running away from me in terror. Tell me at least some of that scares you.”

“No,” Jon shook his head and gripped the other’s boy’s wrists back. “No. I’m not scared of you.”

Letting out a breath, Damian moved away. For a moment, Jon found himself chasing that warmth.

“You are the only person who’s ever thought that.” Damian turned, shifting to mirror Jon’s position. Staring out over the city, a billboard washed colours over Damian’s face. He looked like a work of art, and Jon had no idea how anybody could ever fear him.

“You’re my best friend, Damian.” Jon shrugged, despite the fact that Damian couldn’t see him. “I’ve seen you scream at a machine for losing at Cheese Viking. I’ve seen you befriend a little squirrel you found on Ma’s farm. So how exactly am I supposed to be afraid of you?”

Damian nodded, as if that solidified something. “If you really think that I would leave the only person that isn’t scared of me, if you think that I would stop being friends with someone who has always thought of me as a human first and a weapon second just because I’m going to a university, then you are the biggest moron to ever walk the face of the earth.”

Stunned, Jon moved to sit next to Damian. “Oh.”

Jon had always been aware of their height difference, made plenty of jokes about it, but it really struck him how much smaller Damian was when the older boy turned to look up and smile at him. “So stop worrying, okay Kent? It’s unbecoming.”

“Whatever you say,” Jon acquiesced. 

Damian wasn’t leaving for good. Damian, with his burning green eyes and molten beauty, still wanted to be friends with him. 

With a smile on his face, Jon turned to look out at the city, letting the quiet wash over him. At his side, Damian did the same. A huge thank you to @iamwhelmed for organizing the secret santa this year!!

tag list: @woahjaybird @birdy-bat-writes @elles-shitposts-personified @subtleappreciation  @screennamealreadyused @pricetagofficial @catxsnow  @iconbicon

[ut-girl666]

Incorrect quotes baby! Memes! Featuring: Tenth Grader/Academy!Heatwave and Eighth Grader/Academy!Chase

—

Heatwave: *sittin’ on Chase’s dorm room couch, bc they spent the night together studying and stuff, y’know, like unofficial friends, scrolling through insta on his phone*

Chase, walking in: Heatwave, what do you want for breakfast?

Heatwave: *looks up*

Heatwave:

HW Internally: THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT.

Heatwave: a bagel.

HW Internally: NO! THE SOULS OF YOUR MOTHER AND SISTER!

Heatwave: two bagels.

HW Internally: NOOOOOOOOOOO—

Chase: oh, okay, I have stuff to put on it if you want, would you like that?

Heatwave: sure.

Chase: there’s cream cheese in the fridge, and multiple flavors, which would you like?

Heatwave:

HW Internally: DEATH

Heatwave: strawberry.

HW Internally: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—

Chase: okay then. *smiles like a fucking cinnamon roll*

~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~

Both sat at the table eating breakfast*

Chase: *eating a cinnamon roll*

Heatwave: you goddamn cannibal.

Chase, not understanding: what?

Heatwave: you heard me.

Chase, absolutely confused out of his sweet 13yo mind: ???

~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~

—At school—

Heatwave, to staff: I am cold, heartless, and unable to feel any form of compassion in my black colored soul.

Chase, showing up out of nowhere: Heatwave! Thank you for the book, I really appreciate it!

Chase: *hugs him tightly*

Heatwave:

Heatwave, with his face intensely turning cyan, and temp. raising hotter than a kid with the flu:

Heatwave: fuck.

~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~

Chase: I don’t get why people say you’re scary, and why Mintracer, and other staff members keep telling me you’re a bad influence, that you’ll hurt me, and that I should stay away from you.

Heatwave: I can stab people.

Chase: you can?!

Heatwave: yes. I have knives at home for such.

Chase:

Chase: that’s cool! Can I see them?

Heatwave:

Heatwave, having always either been ran away from, or not taken seriously when he’s said it, and tearing up: sure, i don’t think my mom and sister will mind.

~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~

Chase: your sister’s a mean ten year old... *sad*

Heatwave:

Heatwave: *turns to his sister*

Heatwave: now you listen here, you little shit-

~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~

—Dinner—

Chase: I’ll be okay with some instant noodles, if you really insist. You don’t need to use up your precious food, or time, on me, miss.

HW’s mum:

HW’s mum: then leave already, you uncultured, demonic little swi—

Heatwave, already slapping gorilla tape over his mom’s mouth: no, no, chase, I insist, you can’t just live off of ramen. And it’s not a problem at all. Allow me to get you a bowl. Sorry for my mom’s poor manners—

~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~

Chase, falling asleep on heatwave as they’re watching a show together: if I were to watch murder documentaries, would you wanna join me?

Heatwave:

Chase, moving himself off of Heatwave: oh, sorry. Didn’t realize I was leaning on you.

Heatwave, moving Chase back: no, it’s okay, i don’t mind. If you’re tired you can sleep next to me tonight. I would absolutely watch them with you, pretty much whenever you want.

~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~

And that’s on cute things from Academy!Chasewave. XDDD hope you enjoyed!

[loseeverythingloose]

Hi. I made this challenge myself, and I'm challenging myself bc that's what happens when you are fucking alone and have no friends.

Warning: It contains no workout since I'm so fucking busy with online classes that I can't go out or workout at home.

OK, so, yeah, this is officially the simplest shit to ever exist, but DON'T ever think it will be that easy to apply it to your life.

30 DAY CUSTOM WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE

I will only write what I'm not supposed to do. Drink water, sleep enough if not well, and shit like that don't even need to be written down.

Rules:

No packaged and/or prepared food and drinks. I have realized it's literally impossible for people of my financial level to buy organic food. If this rule was no PROCESSED food, I'd literally need to stop eating very essential stuff like cheese. Fucking cheese. I'm not even talking about tea. Wtf am I gonna eat and drink then? So, I will stop eating packaged and prepared food, including all the sweets, candies, chocolate, fast food, no escape. I'm only allowed to eat what is cooked at home, also fruits and such. No sugar coffee, green or white tea, etc., are also allowed. You get the idea: As long as it doesn't exceed my calorie and carbs limit, everything that is not packaged and/or HIGHLY processed is free real estate.

No more than 1500 calories and 100 g carbs. Look, I'm the max 500 cal and 20 g carb type of gal, and I lost so much weight doing it, but then I plateaued for so fucking long I had to stop and eat like a pig to shock my body. Then, of course, I couldn't bring myself to restart. Thank whatever big guy resides upstairs, I didn't gain much, but this pig phase has been going on for like 3 months. Yeah, I fucking binged for 3 fucking months straight. Now that my body is used to high calories and carbs, 1500 calories and 100 g carbs WILL be pretty effective to lose weight. There is absolutely NO REASON to start with extreme restricting because your body will adapt to that too in time. You won't be PHYSICALLY able to restrict more. When you also consider that it's harder to lose weight the more you lose weight, why start with 100% when you can start with 50% and leave the 100% performance for lower weights to lose even more? I'm not even gonna get into the "it's more healthy" shit and lecture you. You already know it. I can, of course, eat a lot less than this too. It's just the max.

No eating before 12 pm and after 8 pm, and in between. It's gonna be strictly two meals. When I was doing the 500 cal, 20 g carb thing, I wouldn't eat anything after 6 pm, but because of my new schedule, that seems impossible. Finishing to eat early or eating a bit later while still leaving AT LEAST 6 hours between my two meals is completely fine. I'll also note down everything I eat and drink. It helps me with self-control.

No big portions. Now that I'm living with my family because of the pandemic, I trust my mom on this. No second plates, no adding on; my meal size is whatever she makes it. Eating less is welcome.

No scale. I admit this is the hardest rule. I'm used to weighing myself every day. I first thought I would at least go on the scale once a week to motivate myself, but I decided to trust the process. I know I'm not doing workouts or something. Still, I just came out of a huge binge and am also using a pill that's supposed to help me lose weight (it's not its primary purpose but its positive side effect, and I'm using it for a very different reason under medical supervision, so if anyone that's not me sees this, don't ask me the name of the pill). For these reasons, I genuinely believe I WILL lose weight, and that's why I'm not gonna do it hardcore. Persistence and continuity are more important than weekly motivation and stressful waiting until the scale day. I will weigh myself on the first day of the challenge and after the challenge ends (not the 30th day). I hope my body will slim down visibly, and I, and most importantly, my family, will notice it.

I will start the challenge tomorrow on April 5.

It's the perfect date because it's Monday (the official international diet starting date), the day I first started restricting last year (so I will also see how much weight I've lost in one year on the first day of the challenge and I hope that'll be the greatest motivation to start and keep going), and a family member of mine was born on May 5 (which is exactly 30 days later). My family cares a lot about birthdays, holidays and stuff, so on that day I have to eat cake or my family won't forgive me lol. So I thought, why not make it a celebration for myself too, for losing weight, controlling myself for a whole month WHILE ACING MY EXAMS and completing the challenge?

As I said, I will be weighing myself and taking measurements in the morning of the first day, and after the challenge is completed. I will decide my goal weight for the end of this challenge tomorrow, depending on my current weight.

I will be posting daily (as much as possible). I also don't want this shit to be only about losing weight. I will be doing 5 different challenges simultaneously: Meditation, thinspo, writing, gratitude, and song challenges.

Wish me luck! (yea, I'm asking for luck from myself bc no one's gonna see this, lmao. Who am I supposed to trust other than me anyway.)

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Secret Night Picnic

What's more romantic than having a midnight picnic, slow dancing together, and making love beneath the stars... on top of the concrete slab covering the grave where you buried your shitty ex “alive”?

tl;dr Alastor and Telly @usedhearts being sweet & romantic, but like, still like villains.

(last 1/3 of the thread is nsfw; I’m keeping it all together in one chat log anyway bc it’s part of the natural flow of the date night as opposed to a sudden shift in the topic.)

Sir Pentious

A dark night on the outskirts of Pentagram City usually precluded violence of some kind. Two dangerous sinners walking along usually spelt trouble. Not tonight though.

Tonight, they were going for a picnic. Telly held the basket on his arm, a blanket folded over it as well, a typical red and white picnic affair. The sight of the picnic isn't what one would generally classify as 'romantic', but it had other significance.

"Here we are," he said, when they reached another section of undisturbed concrete. It looked just like all the other concrete around, but it held a secret. That of someone buried underneath. Telly spread the blanket and settled on it, setting the basket down.

"George is here, underneath this slab." He reached to pat the exact spot.

Alastor

To Alastor’s eyes, the scene was incredibly romantic! A clear, moonlit night... a meal together out in the open rather than hidden in a grounded airship or a discreet corner booth... celebrating their love atop the grave of somebody who’d been unworthy of it...

Why, they even had a nice, level surface to have their picnic on, what could be better. “He makes for a fine table!” Alastor plopped himself down cheerily. “Tell me about this spot here! These aren’t *all* lovers who wronged you, are they?”

Sir Pentious

Telly laughed, shaking his head. "No, no, of course not. George is the only one buried here. The rest is to make sure that the only person who knows which one he's under is me-- Well, now, us."

He smiled, reaching to take Alastor's hand and give it a squeeze.

Alastor

Alastor squeezed back. “Really? Am I the only one?”

Sir Pentious

"Yes, you are. Not even any of the Eggs have ever been here. Not Hel either. You're the only one." He leaned over to kiss Alastor softly.

"Now, what did you pack for our picnic?"

Alastor

“Number 9 is going to hardboil himself with jealousy.” Alastor beamed.

“Nothing too exotic, just some picnic staples!” He rummaged through the basket. “Chicken paninis, macaroni salad, turkey sandwiches, cucumber-dill salad, broccoli slaw, salmon deviled eggs, hand pies for dessert... Oh, and these prosciutto pinwheels, don’t they look fancy! Give me a second to reheat the sandwiches, it melts the Brie and really brings out the flavor of the figs—“ This man heard “picnic” and packed enough to feed five people.

Sir Pentious

Telly blinked at the list and looked at the basket. How had he fit all that in there-- Actually that was a silly question, this was _Alastor_ after all.

"Sounds delicious, love." He chuckled. "But I don't think we two are going to be able to eat _all_ of that. We'll probably have leftovers."

Alastor

He paused, considered that, and looked over the sheer amount of food he was laying out on the blanket. Huh. “... Then we’ll be enjoying this picnic for the next few days, won’t we!”

Sir Pentious

"Yes, I think we will." He chuckled and leaned over to kiss Alastor's cheek.

"Now, what does the expert chef think his lovely taster should try first?" Telly winked.

Alastor

“The pinwheels! I’m especially proud of how they look.” He reached into the basket and pulled out... an entire tea kettle... He definitely used magic to fit everything in the basket. “I got the supplies for a watermelon lemonade before I realized we’d be out here at night when it’s cooler, and who wants lemonade at *night*—so instead I pilfered some mint tea I found in your stash, I thought it might be refreshing with some watermelon chunks in it!”

Sir Pentious

"Oh that sounds lovely. A nice warm minty melony tea." He chuckled, before reaching for one of the pinwheels. Telly took a bite and hummed in appreciation.

"Mm, delicious as always, my hart." He reached his free hand over to stroke his cheek with his knuckles.

Alastor

He automatically smiled wider at the touch. “I thought coming out here at night would mean it’s a little less hot, but here you are, trying to make me melt anyway.” He set the kettle on the concrete beside their blanket, pointed a finger at it and told it, “You figure out how to boil and I’ll check back on you in a couple of minutes,” and leaned against Telly. “So! What’s our agenda tonight?” He popped a deviled egg in his mouth. “Just dinner? Telling ghost stories in the dark? Simulating an earthquake for our underground friend?”

Sir Pentious

Telly wrapped an arm around Alastor's waist, holding him close against his side as he purred.

"I was thinking just dinning, maybe daintily feeding each other, like in the movies--" He stopped and his face scrunched a moment. "Wait, what do you mean, simulating an earthquake?"

Alastor

“You know—rattle the landscape a little, maybe accidentally crush his can down there—I was joking though, I don’t think I could actually do that without cracking all the concrete slabs out here. And Hentai doesn’t like to be called after five. Hah! Kidding—he doesn’t have a human concept of time.” He beamed up at Telly. “But I’m liking this dainty-feeding idea! I can cut up the paninis and sandwiches, they’d be perfect.”

Sir Pentious

"Oh! Oh, alright," He said, laughing. No, he doesn't look a little embarrassed or disappointed, not at all. Telly kissed his temple.

"Sounds good! Very good and romantic." He playfully nudged Alastor.

Alastor

“It sounds like something in an old Hollywood romance, doesn’t it. And decadently so. I don’t think there was anything in the Hays Code against feeding each other finger food, but it feels like there ought to have been!” He pulled over the sandwiches and started slicing them up—and glanced at Telly as he did. He was sure he’d glimpsed a hint of disappointment, hadn’t he?

“If you *want* me to shake up the area, I could,” he said. “I only said it as a joke because I figured you wouldn’t want all your slabs damaged! But if you don’t mind, I can certainly make it happen.” Look at him, so earnest. A very caring boyfriend who is very wrong about what Telly wants.

Sir Pentious

"I'm glad that I died before all that Hays Code nonsense, it sounds like a load of hogwash to me." He took another bite of the prosciutto, shrugging a bit.

At the reply, he blinked and quickly swallowed so he wouldn't choke as he laughed. "Oh, no, no darling, that's-- that's not it." He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. "I was...thinking you meant something else."

Alastor

“Oh, it certainly was nonsense! I died just before they planned to start *really* enforcing it, luckily—at least luckily as far as my moviegoing experience is concerned. Mimzy tells me she hasn’t met an actor who’s died since ‘34 who hasn’t detested the Code.”

A blank blink. “Something else like what—an earthquake weapon? That’s *your* specialty, *mon roi.*” Give him a few seconds. “... *Oh!*”

Sir Pentious

Telly smirked at that-- seemed like Alastor finally got it. He leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Adorable."

He cleared his throat. "Anyway, I remember seeing around the Youknowwho-blr, a picture that specifically violated as many of the Hays Code policies as possible-- and it was some picture!"

Alastor

Adorable, huh. He’d take the hit to his dignity in exchange for the affection.

“Hah! What was the picture of—the 7 p.m. line at Hellbucks?” He offered a bite of heated-up panini to Telly. “Show me that picture if you see it again.”

Sir Pentious

"I'll be sure to save it if I see it again. It was something like a woman in next to nothing pointing a gun as a man laying on the ground." Telly leaned in, mouth open and very gently took the bite of panini. He chewed and smiled, picking up one to offer back to Alastor.

Alastor

Oh... hand-feeding really was romantic. For a couple of seconds all Alastor could focus on was the teeth grazing so close to his fingers. He nipped affectionately at the tips of Telly's as he accepted his own bite. "We should keep midnight picnics on our list of date nights to repeat in the future."

Sir Pentious

It was indeed quite romantic, and Telly purred at the nip. "Mm, yes, I definitely agree with that."

He chuckled, picking up another bit of sandwich to feed to Alastor. "So, if the Hays Code wasn't being enforced when you died, what sort of regulations were there?"

Alastor

Regulations? Oh, right, they'd been talking about movies. "Local ones, mainly!" He snapped up his bite and offered another to Telly. "By the end of the twenties, most states had censhorship boards to review films. That's one of the things that caused the Hays Code, see—Hollywood figured out that in a few years they'd have to be making fifty different versions of the same film to meet each state's guidelines, so they made their own guidelines first. But the state boards had more holes than Swiss cheese, plenty of good stuff made it through."

Sir Pentious

Telly leaned down to take the bite, letting his tongue flick out over Alastor's fingers as he did.

"Mm, that makes sense. But I've seen some of the things said in the Hays Code and they're just ridiculous, honestly."

Alastor

Alastor rolled his eyes. "Isn't that the truth." He flopped down to use Telly's tail as a pillow, and from there kept feeding him sandwich bites and eggs and pinwheels while they talked. "I don't think I agreed with any of their rules! Maybe 'don't show actual footage of a man dying,' I think that was one—not because I'd have *minded* the sight, but out of respect to the dead, you know. But maybe if some fellows on death row signed off permission for people to watch them die. I think I'd have done that."

Sir Pentious

"I always found the one such as 'law cannot be defeated' or 'cannot show a weapon being pointed' as the most ridiculous. The actual footage of death makes sense, though--" He took every bite that Alastor gave him, humming and chewing. He made sure to return each one, carefully lowering them into his partner-in-crime's sharp jaws.

Alastor

He peppered Telly's fingertips with nibbles, quick licks, and kisses in return for each bite. "Can't show a—I forgot about that one! How in the world did they make war movies after the Code started getting enforced? Did they point sticks at each other and yell 'bang'?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I was almost in a war movie down here—and they used live ammunition! That's the way to do it!"

Sir Pentious

"No idea! I think they just ignored that one, as they ended up doing with most, I believe. People found ways around them, as they do, and we're all better for it." He laughed, running the fingers of his free hand through Alastor's hair. He fed him another bite as he leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"A war movie? I suppose it was one for the Great War? That's the one you were in, yes?"

Alastor

He tilted his head to accept the kiss. "Yessir! This was back in the thirties, before there were posters of me everywhere and sometimes I could still have conversations. I thought I'd take a shot at the silver screen! They were looking for demons who could speak French and pass as human without much makeup."

Sir Pentious

"You know, I've always wondered about those poster-- who makes them? Who puts them up? Why are they so sloppily put together?" His face scrunched into a squint and the end of his tail started to wrap around one of Alastor's legs, somewhat protectively.

"I wonder because they are EVERYWHERE on the Pentagram. In the city, and on the outskirts, you can't walk a block without seeing one! Who is it that's _so_ very dedicated to warning people about you?'

Alastor

"I'd have *one* suspect if they didn't start popping up before he did. But he certainly encourages it. I've seen public service announcements." He tugged his feet up closer, giving Telly more room to wrap around him. "They're not there to warn people about me—they're there to ensure *I* know the people have been warned about me. What's the best way to get a pathological chatterbox to move past your café, if not to plaster the window with posters telling him he won't get a good conversation inside?" He smiled bitterly. "Of course, contrary scoundrel I am, I'd just walk right in if the sign said 'Radio Demon, go away!' So what do the signs say instead? 'Watch out!'"

Sir Pentious

"Mm, yes, he does, doesn't he?" His face scrunched again as he idly scratched Alastor's scalp, his claws gentle around the base of his ears and antlers.

"I wonder if it started out as someone genuinely trying to warn people about you because of your dangerous reputation, and then it just became a way to sort of ward you off-- or if it was always intended to ward you off? But if that was the case, then how did they _know_ that would ward you away and _not_ simply backfire like trying to bar you from places would? It's either purposefully genius tactic or accidentally."

Telly stroked his chin with his free hand, before picking up another deviled egg to feed Alastor.

Alastor

"It was probably genuine originally! Somebody thinking they were looking out for their neighbors, maybe. And I'd bet the intent to warn is still there, at least in part—how are they going to keep new arrivals from talking to me but by informing them? But the overarching motive isn't a charitable effort to protect others from me, but a selfish effort to protect *themselves* from me." A sigh.

He almost missed the egg; he'd shut his eyes to revel in the scratching on his scalp. "There's a lot more than there used to be. Most of them are photocopies if the same poster. If I ever get my hands on that artist..."

Sir Pentious

"Mm, yes, photocopies seem to be the only way to make as many as there are. Can you imagine back in our day, how many hours it would've taken to make that many by hand? I can't even fathom it." He hummed, his tail now fully coiled around Alastor's legs.

"I do wonder about that art, though-- why _are_ you wearing a circus tent?" Telly chuckled.

Alastor

"Ha! Someone would have made a woodcut or something, I'm sure. How do illustrations get printed in books—whatever it is they do."

He shifted a bit, getting cozy in the coil; then stuck a fork in the slaw and held it up to Telly's face, smiling sweetly with his entirely un-romantic offering. He was probably going to get as much slaw on his face as Telly got in his mouth, wasn't he? "My self-introduction to Hell started in a circus—that's where I crashed down. I wasn't sure if I'd get my clothes to grow with me, so I took the tent along in case. I ended up wearing it like a cape."

Sir Pentious

The bite was halfway in his mouth when Alastor's last sentence hit, and the urge to laugh punched him in the gut. The effect, of course, was that none of the slaw ended up in Telly's mouth, and _all_ of it ended up _all over_ Alastor.

Which just made Telly laugh even more.

"Oh! Oh no, love, I'm sorry-- you can't just hit me with the image of you wearing a circus tent like a cape whilst also trying to feed me! Oh, what a mess!!" He wheezed, half folding over Alastor's head in his fit.

Alastor

He looked up at Telly laughing with eyebrows raised and a patient smile, and then just as patiently wiped the slaw off his face and ate it himself. "You're forgiven." He raised his head and started picking bits off of his lapels.

Sir Pentious

"Oh, dear, here let me help." He picked up a napkin and began to gently wipe off Alastor's face, and the spots on his outfit where the slaw landed. The entire time, he continued to try his best to stop laughing.

Once Alastor was clean(ish), Telly wrapped his arms around him and kissed his cheek. "I love you, my very patient and forgiving partner-in-crime."

Alastor

He laced his hands over his stomach and kept on patiently smiling as he was cleaned. "I knew I was tempting fate, anyway." He returned the kiss. "But I'll have you know I looked good in that tent."

Sir Pentious

"You must've, considering that that's the image the poster-maker chose to immortalize." Telly picked up a fork, getting a nice forkful of the slaw, holding his hand under it to offer to Alastor, a peace offering after the botched feeding.

"I simply thought the idea of you wearing it as a cape after was very funny, but considering all you were doing, it must've been a fearsome sight."

Alastor

His smile wilted a little. "I suppose it must have." He ate the slaw. "You know, it tastes better straight from the fork."

Sir Pentious

Oh, no, that was the opposite of what he'd wanted to do. "I bet it does." He moved closer again, removing Hattie to set him aside. He wrapped his arm around Alastor's waist and laid his cheek on his shoulder.

"You regret it? The rampage? I know you told me before how much you dislike how everyone fears you now, but do you think you would've done things differently, had you known what would happen?"

Alastor

Alastor sat up to wrap his arms around Telly in return. “I would have done it completely differently,” he said. “Waited a week or two, did my research, chose my targets more carefully. I would have only hit overlords—and unpopular ones, at that. No punching down. Minimal civilian casualties, and no mentioning them on air. Less screams, more jokes. I would have framed it as something I was doing *for* Hell rather than *to* Hell.” He sighed deeply. “If only.”

Sir Pentious

Telly nodded, tilting his head to press a kiss to Alastor's jaw. "Sounds like you've thought about that a lot."

He sighed and closed his eyes, giving Alastor a squeeze. "I've thought a lot about if I would've done things differently, too. I wouldn't have relied on Leclerq's help as much. I would've made sure not to bite off more than I could chew, be more cautious. I never, _never_ would have even spoken to V--...to you know who.

"But I can't go back and change things. And who knows what differences there would be if I had? I might never have met you." He lifted his head and smiled, kissing Alastor's cheek. "And I am very, _very_ glad that I did."

Alastor

A nod. He *had* thought about it, countless times.

He listened quietly at Telly listed off his own regrets. He wasn’t surprised his alternate was at the top of the list. Alastor was sure he was at the top of Telly’s alternate’s list.

His weak smile perked up a bit. “I’m glad I made it to this place with you—I just wish to God I hadn’t burned so many bridges on my way here.”

Sir Pentious

"Yes, that is regrettable. But there's nothing to be done about it now. What's done is done, the past is the past. We're here now, though, together. And that's what matters."

He smiled wider, taking Alastor's face into his hand as he kissed his lips. "I'm still hungry, let's try that pasta salad."

Alastor

“Past is the past,” he agreed with a sigh. But his smile was looking more natural. “And the future is the future, and *my,* is it looking bright. The present isn’t too shabby either.”

He forked up a bit of the salad to present to Telly. “In all of humanity’s culinary history, I can’t think of any food more passionate or alluring than this: cold macaroni salad. This, my darling, is peak romance!”

Sir Pentious

Telly chuckled, this time before taking the bite, no more laughing food all over his boyfriend. He chewed and hummed, nodding.

"I must agree with you, darling, but only because _you_ made it, and with love, obviously." He winked.

Alastor

“Stirred it right into the dressing with the mayonnaise and mustard,” he said cheerfully. And does he realize that this, too, could be interpreted the wrong way? No. No he does not.

Sir Pentious

"Mm, yes, I can tell." He leaned in for another little kiss. He was just going to let that one slide. Not every innuendo Alastor accidentally made did he need to point out.

"Weren't we going to have tea with this too?"

Alastor

And that, right there, is true love.

His eyes flew wide open. “The *tea!*” He’d completely forgotten. He reached over to grab it up. “You! You’d better have stopped boiling by now!”

It had, but he was afraid it was going to be far too strong. He fished a cup out of the picnic basket, poured a tiny bit out, and grimaced. “*Oh,* goodness. At least we have the watermelon to water it down.”

Sir Pentious

"It'll be fine, darling, you know I like my tea strong." He smiled and nudged him gently.

"But the watermelon, yes! I want some of that. Did it come from the living world?"

Alastor

“Is there an upper limit to that?” He passed over the cup.

“It came from the bougie part of town, who knows where it was before that! I didn’t check whether it was imported or local.” It would have been fitting if he’d pulled an entire watermelon out of the basket, given everything else he’d crammed in; but no, just a Tupperware stuffed with ice cube-sized chunks, marinading in their own juice.

Sir Pentious

Telly took a sip and flicked his tongue a bit. "Hmm, it _is_ a bit oversteeped, but not badly enough to warrant making a new pot! The watermelon will surely salvage it."

He grinned and leaned in to flick his tongue at the watermelon-- though, of course, he couldn't smell it with the lid on.

Alastor

Alastor popped the lid off. Behold: the watermelon. Smells like watermelon.  “Serve yourself however much you want.”

Sir Pentious

Telly plucked a cube from the tupperware....and just ate it. He made an appreciative noise before grabbing another to put in his cup. And a third that also went into the cup.

"Mm, it tastes very good." He took a sip of the tea and his purr started up. "And it goes wonderfully with the tea, definitely saves it."

Alastor

“Good! Glad to hear it.” He poured himself another cup, tossed in a couple cubes, and winced. “You know, I’m actually not fond of the flavor of watermelon, either?” A sardonic smile. “But the tastes compliment each other, I can admit that.”

Sir Pentious

Telly giggled, and then took another sip.

"Look at you, grin and bearing your way through tea and watermelon just for me." He leaned over to kiss his cheek.

Alastor

“I *did* think you might enjoy it!” He turned to meet Telly’s kiss. “... Although I think it tastes better in your mouth than in mine.”

Sir Pentious

"Oh, do you?" Telly took another sip, a devious glint in his eyes. He set aside his cup and took Alastor's face in his hand, leaning in to kiss him, tongue flicking against his teeth to be let in.

Alastor

Telly barely needed to ask, this was exactly what Alastor was hoping for. He leaned into the kiss.

Sir Pentious

He smiled briefly into the kiss, and then gently pushed Alastor's shoulder back, guiding him down. It was time for making out, the snake had decided.

Alastor

The movement passed unanimously. He'd been waiting to get to this part since they'd started teasing each other's fingertips. Something new to get his teeth on.

Aaand cue the sappy background music, courtesy of your local Radio Demon.

Sir Pentious

He probably should've been expecting the music, but he didn't. Telly laughed softly against Alastor's lips, kissing him deeper as it played. He unbuttoned Alastor's collar to kiss down onto his neck, scraping his teeth there.

Alastor

Alastor blinked in surprise. Really, unbuttoning his shirt? He hadn't expected that. But then who was around to see? They were probably less likely to be caught here than they were on the airship—no Eggs to barge in.

He tilted his head back to give Telly more room, gazing up at the stars. "... Do you know what I think would be lovely?"

Sir Pentious

"Mm, what's that, darling?" He asked, pressing soft kisses to his neck. He gave a teasing nip and then pulled back to smile at him.

Alastor

Alastor gave Telly a mischievous smirk, then bounded to his feet and pulled Telly up with him—with a little magical assistance. The moon and stars still gave off their usual reddish glow, but the ground seemed illuminated by a sourceless neon light. Surprise! Time to dance!

"*Midnight with the stars and you...*" He twirled Telly across the suddenly supernaturally slick concrete slab, then dipped him dramatically. "*... Midnight and a rendezvous.*" Smooch.

Sir Pentious

It all happened so quickly-- one moment, he was laying on top of Alastor, and the next they were both up and twirling. His hood flared from surprise, but he laughed, moving in time. It was so much easier to dance when there was no friction.

He hummed along to the song as they danced, Telly stealing kisses at every opportunity. What a feeling-- giddy and light and floating, twirling around like he always wanted to at a ball. It was so effortless!

When the song ended, he smiled wide, his hood flared fully with his excitement. "Oh, another one! More, I want to dance more!"

Alastor

That's the power of Radio Demon magic, baby. And oh, ever since the Mardi Gras ball, he's been dying to dance with Telly properly. To help him glide gracefully across the ground, aided by invisible shadows and strange physics just enough to let Telly move freely in spite of his long tail.

Telly wasn't the first snake Alastor had helped dance like this—but try not to think about that. That ballroom had been a long time ago, and here with a picnic under the stars... Completely different.

All the same, he couldn't help but to say, "Why, I'd be happy to! I haven't happened to mention that I'm an expert at helping snakes dance, have I?" He hooked a finger in Telly's bow tie to pull him closer, then oh-so-casually untied it and unbuttoned the top of his shirt. If Telly could undo Alastor a little bit, then Alastor could return the favor. "Granted, I haven't gotten in a lot of practice, but I bet I could show you a trick or two." Snippets from a half dozen songs played as he tried to select the best tune for their next dance.

Sir Pentious

Alastor wasn't the only one remembering the Madri Gras ball. Telly's mind also wandered back to that night, and how they'd held each other and just swayed. That had been splendid, but this....this was perfect. Twirling with him under the moonlight, on the grave of his ex-lover. How much more romantic could it get?

Apparently, at least fractionally, as his breath hitched when Alastor tugged him close by the bowtie. Oh, oh, that was hot. His hood stayed flared, and he purred.

"You may have mentioned that before, if I recall." He chuckled, letting his hands rest on Alastor's waist. "I do have a song request, Mr. Radio Demon, if you don't mind." He winked.

Alastor

"Oh do you! You know, this station doesn't play just anybody's requests—but yours, we're always happy to put on air." Maybe... another couple of buttons. Get that deep-cleavage Fabio look going on. "By all means. What'll it be?"

Sir Pentious

"I was thinking 'I Could Have Danced All Night'." He smirked and flicked his tongue at Alastor. Was he going to completely undress him? Well, Telly didn't mind, not at all.

Alastor

Not quite—although Mr. Hays might have something to say about Telly's wardrobe. "With pleasure! And how fitting. *I could have daaanced all night, and still have begged for more...*"

He pulled Telly close as they started to dance again; but a few measures later, when he pulled out from Telly at arm's length to attempt to twirl him (and probably trip them both), his eyes were instead caught by an unexpected light: lines peeking out from the unbuttoned shirt on Telly's chest, glowing white under the sourceless black light. "Oh, hello! What's this?"

Sir Pentious

Telly laughed as they started to dance again, and sang along in bursts when he thought to. He was entranced enough that when Alastor stopped, he blinked and had to take a moment to refocus.

"What's what?" He asked, brow furrowing. He tried to look down and see what Alastor had spotted but couldn't quiet do it.

Alastor

Alastor unbuttoned Telly's jacket and slid it and his shirt over his shoulders, not enough to completely strip him but enough to see more of the lines. Sigils? "I hope these are supposed to be there?" (Don't mind him while his mind frantically runs through all the heavy-hitters he knows that use magic symbols on people's skin to target or control them.)

Sir Pentious

It was when Alastor pushed his clothes apart that Telly was finally able to get a good look. He gasped and his hood flared-- though he was smiling, very widely in fact.

"OH! OH! MY TATTOOS! I THOUGHT I'D LOST THEM!! LOOK AT THAT!!"

Alastor

"Your *tattoos*? When did *that* happen!" He wasn't going to completely undress Telly right out in the open to try to get a better look, but he stepped back to see them more fully.

Sir Pentious

If Alastor wasn't going to undress him, then Telly would. He just tossed off his coat and shirt, revealing the tattoos in full.

A pair of snakes wound their ways up either arm, ending with open fanged mouths on his pecks– now on either side of his chest eye. And then another pair wound up from his hips, around his back and up to his chest again, framing the eye from the bottom. And the final one, an ouroboros around his neck, biting it’s tail like it was a necklace.

"They happened back when I was alive! I thought I'd lost them when I died!"

Alastor

Oh, well, if *Telly* was going to finish undressing *himself,* Alastor wasn't about to protest at all. Especially if it meant he got to see that Telly was covered in art. Secret hidden art! Art that only Alastor's magic could reveal!

He circled Telly slowly, one hand trailing along one of the snakes wrapped around his back, tracing its path. "Look at *that.*" His voice was hushed. "Beautiful."

Sir Pentious

Telly shivered at the touch, his tongue flicking out, and he smiled. He glanced down at the slab they were on and his smile turned to a devilish smirk.

"You know, George _hated_ my tattoos. I got the this one first–” He touched his neck. “And he despised it. Said it looked ridiculous. He even tried to stop me from getting more, but I did it anyway. Got the ones on my arms next, and then the ones around my torso were the last.”

Alastor

"George has no taste!" Alastor tapped a foot loudly on the slab—you hear him? He bent forward to kiss the ouroboros's face. "What kind of a buffoon gets the greatest mind in England in his bed, and then is only interested in his body instead of his mind—and then on top of that, doesn't even fully appreciate his body?" He kissed each of the other snake faces in turn. "... What were they surrounding before you had an eye there?"

Sir Pentious

“Oh, nothing. I had plans for another, but well, it fell through after I ran to Dover. No tattooists in Dover in 1870.” He chuckled and shrugged.

"But I agree, he has no taste, because _I_ think they look quite dashing, don't you?" Telly stood up taller, his hood folded and sleek. He turned his head to the side and posed with his hand folded under his chin.

Alastor

"Incredibly dashing! Dashing and a bit dastardly! You look like you ought to be sword fighting Douglas Fairbanks on a pirate ship." Maybe with a tricorn hat on to complete the look. Any other clothes optional. "What was the last tattoo going to be?"

Sir Pentious

He chuckled, looking down at his chest again, a small purr starting to rumble inside.

"Would you believe an eye?" Telly smirked, looking back over at Alastor. "I thought it would look neat! And I was right."

Alastor

Alastor laughed. "You know, I find things tend to work out like that down here!" He slid his arms around Telly's waist, tugging him close again.

Sir Pentious

The purr kicked up a notch as he smiled down at Alastor. He leaned in for a kiss, his hands resting on his shoulders.

"Hm, I think we were dancing before we got distracted, weren't we?"

Alastor

"I think we were! We'll finish 'I Could Have Danced All Night' properly in a bit, but..." This time, he pulled Telly into a waltz.

Sir Pentious

Oh, yes! A waltz! He knows this one. Telly smiled wider as they danced. It was so much easier to move with whatever magic Alastor had done, he loved it. "Hah! This is very fun...I'd forgotten just how much!"

Alastor

Alastor had thought he might know this one. "Somebody ought to have helped you do this a century ago. You shouldn't have had to wait for me to get to dance again." And around they went, circling their picnic blanket. "So what dances *do* you know?"

Sir Pentious

Twirl, twirl, spin, around they went. This actually seemed easier now, without legs to fumble over. That made him chuckle.

"This, the waltz….and the two-step….that’s about all. I've wanted to learn more, though, I just never had a partner.”

Alastor

"Oh, we're going to have fun! What do you *want* to learn?" Another turn... and then Alastor abruptly switched their hand positions, think fast Telly, you're leading now.

Sir Pentious

Oh, oh shit, he’s leading– well, at least he no longer had feet to step on Alastor’s! He stumbled through the first motions before getting a handle on things, remembering how the lead was supposed to move.

“I suppose anything with complicated footwork is out, but perhaps tango? That seems do-able. Or swing?”

Alastor

He stumbled as well on one of the first turns, he'd forgotten that the follow had to make bigger turns. "Ooh, tango! I doubt we'll ever get you tap dancing, but for most dances with fancy footwork I'm sure we can come up with a modification that lets you keep up." He paused thoughtfully. "I take back what I said about tap dancing. Now I want to strap castanets to your tail and see what we can come up with."

Sir Pentious

“Oh, well, won’t that be a sight. I was thinking more a single shoe just on the tip of my tail.” He winked and chuckled, pressing a bit closer.

"Just imagine, you doing a routine and me, adding in a single 'tap-tap' here or there with my tail." He snorted and giggled.

Alastor

"HA! If you can pull it off, I want to see!" He laughed. "Have you ever seen *Young Frankenstein*"—the music abruptly shifted to "Puttin' On the Ritz"—"that bit where Frankenstein is doing an elaborate tap-dance routine on stage, and every once in a while he points at the monster and he stomps a couple of times—except you can just... slap your tail on the stage."

Sir Pentious

"Oh! Yes, I have seen that-- HAHA! That part is very good. Yes, exactly like that." He'd snort and giggle a few more times, almost messing up the steps-- he'd forgotten he was leading, whoops.

“I’d need a very, very good teacher to do it, though-- that level of skill necessary to slap my tail onto a stage is something that can only be taught by a master!"

Alastor

The fact that he was trying to waltz to "Puttin' on the Ritz" probably didn't help. It was like trying to draw a triangle whose corners matched up perfectly with a trapezoid's. "A *master*, now! Oh, *well!* I can't help you there." He shrugged. "I'm only a so-so tap dancer. But! If you don't mind being a so-so tap dancer too, it would be my honor to teach you!" He put on his most winning smile. Mediocrity has never looked so appealing.

Sir Pentious

“I’d only be tapping with one shoe, I think so-so will cut it!” He chuckled, leaning down to kiss him-- and again, almost falling over.

"Darling, I think we need a change of song, Puttin' on the Ritz is nice, but it's messing with my rhythm."

Alastor

"You're right, you're right! I'm sorry." He switched back to the original waltz. "Don't you worry—we'll get anyone who sees you saying, 'Hey, that snake's not half bad!' No one will be able to say you've got two left feet!" Oh, he was on a roll. "But maybe the tango first."

Sir Pentious

“Yes I think I’d like the tango first before we delve into the comical!” When the song switched back, he started moving more fluidly again, humming along to the tune. The hand at Alastor's waist moved in, starting to slyly undo the buttons on his coat.

Alastor

He prepared to move his hands when Telly's slipped off his waist, were they switching leads again—? Oh, no. Telly was pulling a different sly little trick. All right, that was fair; compared to Telly, Alastor was a little overdressed. He kept on dancing as if he was completely oblivious to the fingers tugging at his buttons. (A couple trapped shreds of coleslaw fell out of his coat. Farewell.) "Of course! No need for us to do everything at once! We're going to have plenty of time to figure all this out, aren't we?"

Sir Pentious

“Yes, plenty. As much time as we want.” He smiled and leaned in to flick his tongue against Alastor's cheek-- and as a distraction from the hand now sliding inside of Alastor's coat to undo his shirt buttons.

Alastor

Alastor tilted his head in closer to catch the tickling touch to his cheek while obligingly keeping his body far enough out to give Telly's hand room to manipulate the buttons. "For the record, I don't think I have any hidden tattoos under my clothing. If I *do*, they're a surprise to *me*! But it doesn't hurt to check, does it?"

Sir Pentious

"No, doesn't hurt to check," He said, purring. Their waltz had devolved into a slow, lazy twirl as Telly's hand got the buttons unbuttoned, and the shirts untucked. It then slid underneath to scratch and grip at Alastor's side.

"Mm, think I want that earthquake now." He turned his head to capture Alastor's lips.

Alastor

"O-*ho*!" Alastor stopped dancing completely as they kissed, only swaying slightly on his feet to the rhythm of the music. "Really! Out here under the open sky, completely exposed? You never know who might pass by with a seismometer! How *exciting.*"

Sir Pentious

"Scandalous, isn't it? I do love a bit of scandal." He grinned, his kissing trailing down Alastor's neck as he had earlier.

"Touch me," He whispered against his skin, getting his other hand under Alastor's shirt too. Both hands now gripped his waist, digging the tips of his claws in enough to prick the skin.

Alastor

"Oh, it would be a wonderful scandal! We'd be the most exciting thing to hit the tabloids in years," Alastor murmured. "What are they publishing these days? 'Guess which power couple can't decide whether or not they're still together for the hundredth issue in a row.' 'Top five Goetias our readers think might have an angel kink.' Yawn."

He obeyed the command immediately, hands trailing from Telly's shoulders down his back and along his sides, slowing to linger at his gills, rubbing in small circles as he spoke. "I like ours much better. 'The Radio Demon and Sir Pentious caught rocking each other's worlds! Earth-shaking affair between orchestrator of worst solo act of carnage in Hell's history and throne-seeking supervillain extraordinaire! Magnitude 9 quakes registered in their wake as they leave Pentagram City devastated. Hell on edge as the aftershocks are felt in the furthest rings.'"

Sir Pentious

The attention to his gills had him gasping soft noises against Alastor's throat. He pressed the tips of his fangs there, letting his breath fan against Alastor's skin.

His claws dug a little deeper, and he groaned softly. "Mm, can't wait until we can reveal ourselves. Once I have enough territory and influence that blockhead or any of the other overlords can't find a way to slap me back down, they're going to be in for a reckoning."

A whimper left him, his teeth scraping against Alastor's neck, as he felt his sheath begin to part; it looked like the dicks were arriving on cue.

Alastor

"I can't wait, either." He nuzzled his nose against Telly's face, head tipped down so that Telly's hood hid his mouth as he murmured, "Someday, all of Hell is going to find out we're together—and their reaction is going to be terror. They'll know that with our forces combined, all of Hell will be *helpless* before us."

One hand crept around to the small of Telly's back, claws prickling lightly across his skin. It pulled Telly closer, pressing their hips together. "Part of me even wants them to see this. I want them to know I'm utterly obsessed with you—every inch of you, in every way."

Sir Pentious

His breath caught and sped at Alastor's words, the pricking of his claws sending shivers down his spine. His own claws slid around to Alastor's back, and dug in there.

"I want them to know that we would do anything for one another-- that anyone who tried to get to one of us through the other, it would be a futile effort, as either of us could destroy them utterly. I want them all to know that you're mine and I'm yours, and that soon, Hell will be oursssss...."

Telly's mouth opened wide and he bit deep into Alastor's neck, groaning against him.

Alastor

His breath hitched at the bite and he shut his eyes as the pain/pleasure washed over him. "I wish I could show off your bites."

He rocked back on his heels, reveling in how it made the claws in his back dig in a little harder, just long enough to undo his pants. He slid them down to mid-thigh, giving Telly somewhere more comfortable to press his dicks than against Alastor's belt. "You're the virtuoso of invention and I'm the maestro of magic. Between the two of us, we have every other sinner beat on every front. We'll be unstoppable."

Sir Pentious

"I wish you could too. I want everyone to know that you're _mine_." He growled the last word, tongue flicking to lick at the wound. Telly kissed down, moving his hand briefly to push Alastor's coat and shirt aside. The undershirt was still there, but he didn't mind biting right through _that_-- and so he did.

He ground his hips forward, rubbing them against Alastor with a whine. "I wonder....can you stay standing while I _fuck_ your thighs, my hart?"

Alastor

*Mine.* He loved the sound of that. He let go just long enough to shrug off his shirt and coat, then pulled Telly close again.

Could he? That was a good question. From the waist down, Sir Pentious was essentially a sausage the size of two people made of pure muscle, and they didn’t have any walls to brace against. “We can give it a shot. I might need your help to brace me.”

Sir Pentious

"We'll give it the old college try, and if not, well..." He glanced over at the blanket, still spread with food and the basket. "We _do_ have a blanket. But let's try."

Telly grinned, and reached down to press his dicks together. He positioned them right between Alastor's thighs, and purred. "Alright, here goes nothing."

Arms wrapped around Alastor, he started to thrust, slowly, his tail sliding around to coil around the bottoms of Alastor's legs to help keep him steady.

Alastor

“Making love on a picnic blanket *is* a classic. We’ll call that Plan B.” He stood as straight as he could to let Telly get in position, wrapped his arms around his shoulders, and held on.

Alastor was definitely going to be feeling this in his thighs and abs tomorrow—the tail at least kept his feet from sliding back, but it was an effort not to buckle backwards at the waist with each thrust. And Telly hadn’t really gotten going yet. It wasn’t long before Alastor had to take Telly’s hands and place them on his own ass to hold him in place. Usually he wasn’t fond of being held there too long, but it would do a better job of saving Alastor from having to tense up for every thrust than anything else.

Sir Pentious

Oh, and that was something new-- he'd never been allowed to touch the ass before, let alone hold on. His claws flexed and dug in as he groaned, his hips rocking faster.

"Alastor," he whined, breathlessly against his shoulder, leaving a kiss there before biting through the undershirt once more. Telly panted softly, his tongue flicking out repeatedly to taste and smell his blood.

Alastor

He automatically played an alarmed bicycle horn sound effect when Telly squeezed his ass. Sorry.

Now that he didn’t have to focus on keeping himself upright, he could focus on the actual physical experience... which was unfortunate, as it turned out, because he quickly discovered he wasn’t enjoying the physical experience at all. The height difference made it inevitable that some of Telly’s thrusts bucked close enough to Alastor’s groin to send uncomfortable bolts of stimulation through his system; with his pants down and his coat off, his boxer-clad butt was exposed to all of Hell; and there was nothing he could do to contribute or to entertain himself but hold tight and try to focus on the sounds Telly was making. He couldn’t even catch Telly’s mouth for a proper kiss. Subtly shapeshifting away the bulge in his boxers helped with reducing the odd accidental rubs, but it didn’t fix the whole experience.

Okay. He was striking out this position. It had even snapped him out of his lovey-dovey mood. He’d let Telly enjoy it a bit longer, but then he was calling that they switch leads again.

In the meantime, he’d try to coax a little more something for himself out of Telly. “Tell me what you’re feeling,” he murmured, a warm buzzy distortion underlining his words. “I want to hear what this is doing to you.”

Sir Pentious

The horn caused him to startle, hood flaring out as his head snapped up, a louder than average hiss escaping him. Telly blinked and then whined softly, flattening his hood to tuck his face back against Alastor's neck.

And then he felt something oddly _shift_ down below and, while that didn't cause a flare, he did pull his head back again, blinking.

"What--what was that?" He murmured, his hips stilling. He huffed for breath a bit, pulling back enough to be able to see Alastor's face. The words, though, the words made him pause.

"Feeling a bit odd, honestly." He shifted his hands up from Alastor's ass back to his back instead, and pulled his dicks from between his legs, letting them rest between the two of them instead. "Are you....alright?"

Alastor

Ah. He'd killed the mood. Damn. Telly had been enjoying himself so much a moment ago. Alastor had a whole strategy—he'd get to hear in detail all the things Telly was enjoying, and that would give him enough to enjoy himself a bit, and in a couple minutes he could pull out his best stolen-from-a-romantic-movie sultry voice and go *why don't you let me try something a little different* and then they could switch to a more comfortable position...

Well, so much for that. He'd spoiled it. He offered Telly an apologetic smile. "It's not doing it for me. I was going to give you a minute or two and then ask to switch it up."

Sir Pentious

"Alastor..." He lowered himself, cupping Alastor's cheek, his thumb stroking over it. "If you're not enjoying something then I want you to tell me, all right? Right away. I don't want to continue doing something that we don't both like. So next time, just stop me and tell me, and then we can just switch to something else, okay?" He leaned in and kissed him softly.

"I love you, and I want when we're together to always be good for both of us, not just _me_." He straightened and tugged Alastor's pants back up, just enough to be able to allow him to move more easily. He put his hand on Alastor's waist and then took up the classic dancing pose again.

"L is for the way you look at me..." He began to sing softly, swaying a little.

Alastor

Not only had the mood been killed, it was getting field dressed before their very eyes. Damn everything. He leaned into the swaying and pulled up backing music for Telly’s singing, but he was going to sulk about it.

... He’d say something in a minute. He didn’t want to interrupt the singing.

Sir Pentious

He could tell Alastor was still upset-- there was actually quite a marked difference, and that mark was the fact he didn't sing along.

So, Telly pulled back just enough to tilt Alastor's chin up with a finger, getting him to look into Telly's eyes as he sang the next lines.

"O is for the only one I see. V is very, very extraordinary. E is even more than anyone that they adore. Love is all that I can give to you. Love is more than just a game for two. Two in love can make it, take my heart but please don't break it. Love was made for me and you."

Alastor

It actually wasn’t that deep, he just wanted to listen to his partner-in-crime singing a love song to him.

All the same, despite himself, the direct eye contact did buoy his mood a little. When Telly finished singing, Alastor pecked his lips and said, “I *was* going to switch to something else. After giving you a minute or two. I don’t want to slam on the breaks the *very second* I’m not utterly euphoric, especially if letting things run a few more seconds will let us segue more smoothly.”

Sir Pentious

Telly thought about it for a moment, and then nodded.

"I understand, but I know that I'd enjoy anything we do tenfold if I know that you're enjoying it, too." He leaned in to kiss him softly.

"Alright, standing didn't work, what were you _going_ to suggest we segue to?"

Alastor

Kiss. “I know.” That was the ideal, wasn’t it; but sometimes Alastor was just okay, and he was okay with that.

“I was going to suggest you lie down on that blanket and I sit on top, see how that goes.” He’d been planning to put it much more alluringly, but that wasn’t really the mood at the moment, was it? The picnic spread picked itself up and neatly floated back into the basket and the blanket flapped once to kick off any crumbs.

Sir Pentious

"Oh, that sounds interesting. And fun," Telly said, smiling wider. He twirled his way back over to the blanket, not letting Alastor go for a moment. At least until reaching said blanket.

He chuckled and laid down, purring as he stared up at Alastor. "I'm ready for you, my hart."

Alastor

“I thought you might think so!” He could salvage this yet.

He shimmied out of his pants, sat straddling Telly’s tail, bent forward to give him a quick kiss, then straightened up to figure out how this would work. “Let’s see here...” He’d straddled Telly’s tail plenty of times, but that was typically kneeling. To get his thighs around Telly’s dicks, he had to pull his knees together and splay his calves out to either side. It was, he thought, like trying to ride home in an automobile from the grocery store with several stuffed bags of groceries in the footwell between his feet and a couple of soda bottles being carefully held upright between his thighs.

So a little goofy, from his perspective; but not downright unpleasant. “How’s this?”

Sir Pentious

A purr rumbled through him as he watched Alastor get into position-- from down there, it also looked a little goofy, but it looked a whole lot more incredibly hot. Alastor, on top of him, riding him-- that was a sight he'd never thought he'd see.

"It's good, though, how's your balance? You're not going to fall off?" He smirked a little, then gave his tail an experimental roll, to see how well Alastor handled it.

Alastor

He had to roll his hips along with Telly to keep his balance, his thighs shifting around Telly's dicks in the process. "Have you ever tried riding a mechanical bull?" Probably not, unless they'd let him ride side-saddle. "Like the first few seconds while the thing's still warming up." He rubbed the tip of one of Telly's dicks, "So, all good, as long as I don't forget myself and try to use these as a handhold!" He's joking probably.

Sir Pentious

Telly purred louder, and rolled his tail again, grinning up at Alastor. "It's all about the rhythm, then. As long as we're in sync, we'll be fine. Just like dancing."

He was proud of that analogy, and the smug smile on his face showed it. He started moving again, shifting like a wave coming from the tip of his tail to his hips. A soft groan left him as he felt Alastor's thighs rubbing his cocks. "Mm, that's nice...."

Alastor

Just like dancing! Alastor's grin widened. "Well, look at that! We already found a new dance that doesn't involve any fancy footwork."

He always loved watching and feeling how the length of Telly's tail rolled when he thrusted; riding atop it was yet another fascinating way to experience it. He had to join in the movement himself to keep stable, feeling it in his spine and hips.

Sir Pentious

"The dance of the beast with two backs." Telly snickered as he started to roll a little faster, trying his best to keep the motions even and smooth. His breathing picked up as his speed did, the feeling of his dicks sliding between Alastor's thighs sending sparks all through him.

"This....this is a good position, I think I like this one a lot," He muttered, his hands reaching to grab the outside of Alastor's thighs, letting the tips of his claws dig in.

Alastor

"HAH! I think this dance is a winner!" He was definitely going to be building up some rarely-used muscles until he got used to it, but so far it was the most comfortable position they'd tried that let Telly get between Alastor's thighs.

He placed his hands over Telly's, claws grazing the backs of his hands. "And it lets me see you, too." In the future they could do more with that—explore Telly's torso, maybe make out while they did this—but for now, Alastor was content just to see how Telly looked under the starlight.

Sir Pentious

With Alastor's hands over his, it felt so very intimate-- somehow even more than the fact his dicks were currently squeezed between Alastor's thighs. His breath caught a bit, and his body rolled faster. He stared up at Alastor, eyes half lidded, smiling softly.

"I _do_ like seeing you....feeling you...I love you, Alastor." He groaned softly.

Alastor

Alastor's smile was just downright goofy now. An utterly dorky grin. This wasn't the face of a man rubbing off two dicks, it was the face of a man who'd just had a baby fawn dumped in his lap at the petting zoo. "For Hell's greatest supervillain, you can be a real sweetheart sometimes, do you know that?" He laced his fingers with Telly's and squeezed his thighs a little tighter as they picked up the pace.

Sir Pentious

Telly smiled back at him, not as goofily, but very earnest. His speed picked up again, and he moaned.

"I'm only a sweetheart to those that I love. To the rest, I am as dastardly as they come." He gave his best dastardly expression-- a pretty good one, honestly, it looked like he practiced that-- before it devolved back into a wide smile. He squeezed Alastor's hands in his and groaned.

"Lord, this feels good...."

Alastor

Oh, he *loved* that face. Evidence of practice and all. As much as Alastor’s day-to-day persona was a performance, Sir Pentious was just as much of a showman when it came to his villainous work—and it *showed,* and Alastor *adored* him for it.

“I want you to focus on that,” Alastor said, suddenly intense, leaning forward. “Focus on how good it feels, and know that it’s *for you* and it’s *intentional.* Your pleasure isn’t the byproduct of somebody else getting off. I wouldn’t be doing this for myself, and I wouldn’t do it for anyone else—just you.” He lifted one of Telly’s hands to kiss it. “Somewhere underneath us is a selfish bastard who looked at everything you are, everything you have to offer, everything you’ve made of your life and your work and your body, and couldn’t see anything but a pre-heated masturbation aid—*and he’s down there,* and you’re up here with somebody whose only motive for touching you is to make you as happy as you can be. And that’s how it’s going to be from now on.”

(Has he been lowkey writing this speech in the back of his head since he unbuckled his belt? Maybe. But it was all true.)

Sir Pentious

The words made Telly's eyes begin to swim, his throat closing fractionally as the emotion washed over him. Alastor did this for him. Only for him. Hearing that straight from his mouth seemed to intensify everything, and his pace kicked up again-- if Alastor thought he was riding a mechanical bull before, that had nothing on what Telly's body was doing now.

He threw his head back and moaned, hands clutching Alastor's tight. He panted hard, tongue flicking out and staying there. "Talk to me, Alastor! More, I'm close!"

Alastor

He had to tense up to keep his balance as Telly’s movements intensified, which by lucky chance also meant tightening his squeeze around Telly’s dicks. That went over as well as Alastor had hoped.

“More! Is this what it’s like to be called back on stage for an encore?” He kissed Telly’s hand again. “I’ve dreamed all my life of hearing hundreds of strangers cheering and applauding me—but I can’t imagine it would sound half as wonderful as *you* begging for more of me. I’d sing you every song I know and talk non-stop from now til Judgment Day—and all I want is to hear you in return. I want all those sounds you make when you feel so good you can’t help yourself.”

Sir Pentious

Telly almost bit his lip, almost muffled himself-- but Alastor's words forced his jaw back open, letting the groans and gasps echo. His panting sped ever faster, as did his undulating-- and then his back arched high, his voice soaring with Alastor's name as he came.

Slowly, his body relaxed from the rigid pose, sinking down onto the blanket, a soft and reedy whine leaving him.

"Oh, Alastor..." He muttered, staring up at him with half-lidded eyes.

Alastor

He held his breath as Telly came; and then when the sound of his own name finally faded from his ears, he let out a long, shuddering sigh. “Ohh, if that’s not the most beautiful sound in the world.”

He wiped up some cum that splattered on his thigh and licked it off his thumb. “So, what do you think—do I have a future as a romance novelist?” He winked.

Sir Pentious

"If you intend on catering only to snakes of great genius and ego, then yes, I think so." Telly took a deep breath and gently pulled Alastor's thighs apart, to allow his dicks to slide back into his sheath.

His brow arched when Alastor tasted his cum. "How's that taste?" He asked, a small smirk forming on his lips.

Alastor

“That happens to be my target audience!”

He relaxed his legs and leaned forward to lie on top of Telly, his tail contentedly swishing back and forth. “About how I expected. Why, want to find out?” He stuck out the tip of his tongue invitingly.

Sir Pentious

Telly chuckled, a finger curling a piece of Alastor's hair. "Teassse," He hissed softly, before leaning in to kiss him. His tongue flicked into Alastor's mouth, and he made a soft noise.

Alastor

He scooted farther forward, pressing into the kiss. (There probably wasn’t much flavor left, but if any was, it did, in fact, taste about how one would expect.)

Sir Pentious

A tinge of taste, and that's all he really needed. But his real prize is swishing behind Alastor-- a little touch to his tail, that's all. Telly just wanted to feel it.

Alastor

His tail twitched in surprise—oh, it was just Telly. After pausing in his kissing for just half a second to consider, Alastor flagged his tail up high, tip curling toward his spine. Go ahead, touch away.

Sir Pentious

Good, he's glad he's allowed-- it looked soft. His fingers played through the fur, making sure to stay gentle. He was right, it _was_ soft.

"Your tail is very cute," he murmured against Alastor's lips.

Alastor

“*Your* tail is cute,” Alastor retorted automatically; then, after a couple more seconds of kissing, as if he hadn’t said anything, asked, “Is it?”

Sir Pentious

"I think it is. I like to see it swishing. Does that mean you're happy?" A purr rumbled through him.

Alastor

“Relaxed, usually. Either that or there’s a song stuck in my head. I’ve got a built in metronome!”

Sir Pentious

"Good, I'm glad I can make you relaxed. Or get a song to stick in your head." He chuckled and kissed Alastor again. His began to pet Alastor's tail, from base to tip, slow, languid strokes.

Alastor

He flinched slightly when Telly brushed the very base of his tail—he was extra sensitive there, in an unpleasant way that made him want to clench up. “Not quite all the way to the base, please.”

Sir Pentious

Telly's hand froze the moment Alastor flinched, and he nodded, resuming his petting with shorter strokes. He purred more, his other hand reaching to massage the base of one of Alastor's ears-- he knew he liked that, at least.

Alastor

Alastor immediately relaxed again. And that was why Telly got tail-touching privileges: because he stopped the instant Alastor was uncomfortable.

Alastor kissed Telly's cheek. "Well—they're going to be feeling that earthquake for miles around, don't you think?"

Sir Pentious

Telly chuckled, returning the cheek kiss with one of his own.

"Yes, I do! Bet George felt it, too. Half tempted to move the slab and dig him up to ask." He snickered.

Alastor

“Show him what he’s been missing out on!” Alastor laughed, propping himself up on an elbow. “Oh, he probably wouldn’t appreciate it. If he can’t even appreciate *this*...” He traced one of the glowing tattoos crossing Telly’s chest.

Sir Pentious

A purr rumbled through Telly at the touch, his tongue flicking. "That's very true, my hart. He didn't appreciate me at all, but you do."

And he leaned in to kiss Alastor yet again, giving his lip a little nip.

Alastor

Alastor returned the nip, humming into it as he started up his background music again—this time he’d finish playing “I Could Have Danced All Night” properly.

Sir Pentious

Telly hummed along with the song as he continued to pet Alastor's tail. What a lovely night this turned out to be.

Alastor

It certainly did. He dropped his head onto Telly's shoulder and quietly sang along with the rest of the song. "*I could have spread my wings and done a thousand things I've never done before...*"

Sir Pentious

Now it was Telly's turn to be quiet and listen to Alastor sing. He did keep humming, though, the sound thrumming through his chest.

Alastor

Alastor can feel Telly’s humming in his ribs. It’s the most relaxing sound he can imagine. For a moment or two after the song’s over, he just relaxes and listens to it.

“As lovely as it would be to sleep out here, under the stars... I suppose we’d better head back, hadn’t we?” He smirked. “Unless you really would like to dance all night?”

Sir Pentious

Telly chuckled, his arms wrapping around Alastor to keep him in place as he slowly sat up. He kissed the tip of his nose and flicked his tongue against his lips.

"I wouldn't mind more dancing, but I think that's best done back on the airship. It's getting late and I don't think I want to sleep on concrete."

Alastor

He straightened up with Telly, still seated in his lap. “Oh, right, you’re on the concrete! I’ve got such a lovely pillow, I almost forgot.” And just as importantly, they shouldn’t risk getting caught by anyone in their sleep. “Let’s go put up our leftovers and then I’ll dance with you as long as you want.”

Sir Pentious

"Sounds like a lovely idea." Telly leaned in to kiss him again, purring all the while.

Alastor

One more kiss for the road, then.

In a few minutes, with blankets, clothing, and basket collected, the only sign they’d ever been there was a slightly burned circle on the concrete slab where the tea kettle had sat.

[twdeadlysins]

coming soon

here is a list of pieces i am or will be working on in no particular order.  some have titles and summaries. things are subject to change. 

UPDATED: (05/03/2021)

request = ☆ wip = ✎ sequel = ✚ series = ☼ mini series = ♡ my idea = ♔

criminal minds

☆ derek morgan x penelope garcia x reader // if you do would you do a Derek Morgan x Penelope Garcia x Reader where the reader has a bad day and gets hurt and the team finds out that they’re all together and it ends fluffy lovey? 

☆ emily prentiss x adopted!daughter reader // Hi, could you please write an angsty/fluff Emily Prentiss x reader where the reader is her adopted daughter and is having nightmares about losing her mom and is worried about telling Emily because she doesn't want to look weak an be sent back to the system because of it? thanks. 

☆ hotch x teen!reader // hey! i know you're working on a lot rn, but i was wondering if you'd take a request for a hotch x teen!reader? something where maybe the team is trying to interrogate her for information on an unsub but she isn't helping much, until hotch profiles and realizes that it's because she's being abused at home? so then he's the one that's get thought to her (bc he understands bc of his own past)? if you can't or don't want to write it that's totally alright!!

the 100 

✎ ☆ bellamy blake x reader // Hey, if you're still getting a request, Can I have a request? For Season 5, Bellamy and the reader are married and when they come to the world, Mccreary and Diosa Abby and Kane take the reader with them. Mccreary threatens and harasses the reader by harming his friends (like Raven). After a while, the reader manages to escape. When the reader returns, Bellamy finds her bruised, withdrawn, having bad dreams. Then something happens and the reader tells them to cry. Angst, fluff and maybe smut. 😘

the walking dead

✚✎ dixon x reader // i’m not alone (part two) ✚✎ daryl dixon x reader // wildflowers (sequel to despair)

☆ daryl dixon x reader // title: no matter what // summary: when daryl begins to act abnormal, especially towards you, you decide to confront him about it.

☆ daryl dixon x reader // title: calm // summary:  daryl is having nightmares from his stay with the Saviors, and you’re there to help him.

☆ daryl dixon x reader // title: abandoned // summary: daryl left you heartbroken when he chose to be with his brother instead of you and the group. when he comes back during all the chaos, you’re forced to face him and make a decision. 

☆ daryl dixon x reader // title: i miss him too // summary: after you’re reunited with daryl, you tend to the wounds he received when he was a prisoner. you expected him to be scarred from the experience, but you didn’t think he blamed himself for your best friend’s death.

☆ daryl dixon x reader // title: breathe // summary:  a panic attack occurs after you have a vivid nightmare. daryl is right by your side to coach you through it and comfort you. 

☆ daryl dixon x reader // title: right here // summary: the reader is in labor and is terrified, so she asks daryl, the father of her child, for a simple favor.

☆ daryl dixon x reader // title: a new beginning // summary: you and daryl have known each other since you were kids and survived through the abuse you encountered. now you have to survive in a world infested by walkers. when feelings are confessed one night, you share an intimate moment on the farm that is the first for both of you.

☆ daryl dixon x reader // title: safe and sound // summary: you hear daryl crying in his trailer, so you decide to check on him

☆ daryl dixon x adopted daughter!reader // #12 “Are you okay?”,  #13 “Who did this?”, #6 “No one’s going to hurt you.” & #5 “You’re safe now.” - Daryl goes on a run and found an injured reader (M/F). He slowly puts his crossbow down, to show the reader that he means him/her no harm. He then slowly gets a little closer and says #12 & #13. When they don't answer, he moved a little closer. Scared, they moved away. "Hey, hey, hey. #6 #5." He tells them his name and they say theirs. He takes them to Alexandria and takes care of them. The reader could be his adoptive son or daughter.

☆ daryl dixon x single mom!reader // can you please do a Daryl Dixon x female reader. Like the reader is a new person to the prison that Maggie and Glenn brought back with them from a run. The reader has a son and daughter, (u pick the ages) from a previous marriage and Daryl watches her from a far, falling for her. They go on a run and have to hold up for a while (u pick, storm or herd of Walkers) and Daryl finally admits his feeling to the reader. SMUT in the end.

☆ daryl dixon x reader // sparring with daryl (like aaron and jesus in s9)

☆ daryl dixon x reader // daryl stops you from chewing on your fingers all the time

☆ daryl dixon x reader // giving daryl a goodbye letter 

☆ daryl dixon x reader // there is a blizzard and you don’t come back, causing daryl to freak out, but he can’t go out and search for you. Despite how much he loves you and willingly he’d die for you, it would be impossible to find you. You come back a few days/weeks later with a grin on your face.

☆ daryl dixon x reader // you are a savior that’s brave and tough, but keeps to herself. You don’t have friends and are kinda isolated. It’s not that anyone’s mean to you, but they remain at a distant. Over time it starts to hurt

☆ daryl dixon x reader // you feel ignored, feeling like they don’t love you anymore

☆ daryl dixon x reader // Hello !!! Can I have Daryl x reader? Reader has been so caught up in her work that they forget to eat. They get extremely lightheaded and stumble a little. Daryl steadies them and he is worried when he finds out they forgot to eat. While he is making food they faint and land (luckily) on something soft. When he's done, he comes back,at first he thinks that they're just laying down but he kinda freaks out when he realizes that reader is unconscious. ( I forget to eat sometimes) THANK YOU🥺💚

☆ daryl dixon x reader // Hey! I love love LOVE your work and I was hoping you could do a Daryl x reader based on the song “Strawberries and Cigarettes” by Troye Sivan? If you do, thank you so much!! Love your work!  

☆ rick grimes x reader // Hi! Could you please write Rick Grimes x Reader with prompt “Listen to me very closely! You. Are. An. Idiot.”. Where Rick does something reckless and his wife Y/n has to remind him that he can't do dangerous stuff like that because he has family to come back to. Thank you ❤️

♔ ☼ rick grimes x oc  // title: outsider // summary: coming soon; trust me, it’s gonna be GOOD 

☆ unknown pairing x reader // Hi I Seen Your rules I Was wondering can I Send A Request Where Fem Reader Is The Last WereWolf and saves Glenn and Abraham From Getting Killed by Negan. You Can Decline If You don't want to do it it's no problem :) 

marvel 

♡ ☆ bucky barnes x reader // you had to fight to survive everyday with a group of strangers who over the years became your family. when things go awry, you’re transported into another universe where superheroes exist. how will you adapt to a new world without walkers, but most importantly, your family? // crossover with the walking dead

♔ bucky barnes x reader // “that is a staggering amount of parmesan cheese.” “there’s no such thing.”

♔ steve rogers x reader // “my shield is glowing. why is my shield glowing?”

✎ ♔ steve rogers x reader // title: expensive escape // summary: steve gets an unexpected phone call from bucky and y/n 

♔ thor x reader // “that’s definitely not true.” “of course it is. i read it on wikipedia.”

bbc sherlock 

♔ sherlock holmes x reader // “will you be quiet!?” “i didn’t say anything!” “well stop thinking so loud!”

♔ sherlock holmes x reader //  “stop that!” “stop what?” “doing that thing with your face when you’re happy. it’s making me nauseous.”

miscellaneous 

✎ ☆ sherlock holmes x reader x stephen strange // title: double the strange // hey, I hope your requests are open! i was yearning for some strange x sherlock x reader where the smart arses were attempting to one-up each other to win said reader's favour? thank you x

[gobbluthbutagirl]

in case anyone wants to know how my interview went yesterday:

so basically they had me drive a half hour out there just to tell me they didn’t think i was qualified lmao. like you could’ve just told me that over the fucking phone instead of wasting my time lmao! but like even before that i was realizing i absolutely did not want this job. i was supposed to call the guy i was interviewing with when i got there and i literally had to call him 3 times before he picked up(and ofc he had no voicemail either) so like, red flag number one. then the moment i walked through the doors into the actual bakery i started having like war flashbacks to my old job and i was just like ‘oh my god i do not want to go through this again’. THEN the actual interview started and just fyi for those who have never worked in a bakery/restaurant kitchen/etc they are really fucking loud. and this man was barely speaking above a whisper. so ofc i could hardly even hear his questions. it lasted less than five minutes and at the end he told me verbatim ‘based on your resume, your experience is not enough, so we will not be moving forward with your application’ LIKE YOU’VE LITERALLY HAD MY RESUME THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME SO WHY’D YOU EVEN CALL ME OUT HERE GENIUS??? so i was just like, ‘well, thank you for your time’ and then i got the fuck out of there as quickly as possible.

and then here’s where the REALLY fun part comes in. i was literally less than ten minutes away from my airbnb when i got into a crash that totaled my car. my car which is still filled with boxes and boxes of stuff i was keeping in there until i move out of my airbnb and into more permanent housing. i was mostly uninjured except for a cut on my leg and some scuffed up fingers from the airbag deploying(basically i was t-boned on the passenger side so my car took the brunt of the impact) but my car was beyond repair. i still don’t know if/to what extent all the stuff i had in the back was damaged. a ceramic travel mug that was in the passenger side cupholder survived the impact but the plug part of my phone charger(which was plugged into the center console) did not. the fire department got there first, then the cops. they took down the information(but apparently the other driver and i have to actually go online and file the report ourselves due to some recent law change) then asked if i had a ride/anybody i could call to come pick me up. i was like, ‘no, i don’t, i’m from south carolina, my family is 2500 miles away, i’ve been here for 3 days and i literally know nobody.’ the cop was like, ‘well, i can either impound your car and you can come pick up your belongings and pay the fee later or you can have the tow truck guy tow your car and go with him, but either way it won’t be cheap.’ i was basically hysterical at this point and i was like ‘it doesn’t matter just do whatever’ and she was like ‘ma’am i can’t just do whatever you have to make the decision yourself.’ so i ended up calling my dad to get his opinion and the tow truck guy talked to him directly and we ended up going with that option.

so i rode to the collision center with the tow truck guy then called geico to file a claim(which according to the collision center guy was a much faster way to get a rental than using the app), then ended up being on the phone with the geico guy for about an hour. by the time it was all said and done with my phone battery was about 40%, and by the time i was in the rental car it was down to 26%. but here comes the kicker: not even ten minutes after i left the rental car place i was involved in ANOTHER collision. fortunately this time it was super minor and the police didn’t need to be called; i just exchanged information with the guy and he drove off. but i was thoroughly shaken at this point and i was like ‘i am never driving again for the rest of my life’. also my phone was down to 13% by now. so i called the rental car place and explained what happened, and they said i could either bring the car back or have it towed back. well obviously i did not want to drive that car back to the rental place(plus, as i noticed later, i had gotten a flat tire at some point before/during/after the collision) so i called the tow truck guy, who said he was towing another car but he would get there as soon as he could. my phone was at 5% during this conversation, which quickly became 1% and essentially rendered me unable to use it for fear of it dying completely and leaving me with no way to get back to my airbnb. i wound up standing there waiting for about an hour and at one point this man literally pulled his car over to the side of the road and got out so he could hand me his business card ‘in case i ever wanted to hang out’. like thanks dude good to know i’m hot i guess but can you not see that i am literally in the middle of a crisis right now? fortunately though that guy wasn’t the only one who pulled over and the other guy was actually sane and stood there waiting with me so i didn’t have to wait alone, which i really appreciated.

anyway the tow truck guy finally got there a little while later and i rode with him back to the rental place, where he tried to convince me to get another rental and i was just like ‘nope, i’m never driving again’. they wound up putting the rental on hold so i could come back and get one if i changed my mind but like. i’m not changing my mind lmao i’m not getting behind the wheel again until i’m familiar enough with the area that i don’t have to rely on google. which is most definitely going to take longer than the week that a rental car would be covered by my insurance. so i rode around and talked with the tow truck guy for a while before he eventually brought me back to my airbnb, where i proceeded to stand in the kitchen in my underwear and eat ricotta cheese straight out of the tub and then cry in the shower and in bed for at least an hour. it was like 9:30am when i left my airbnb and 8:00 in the evening when i finally made it back. i fell asleep close to 11 then woke up at 2, tried for an hour to fall back asleep then gave up, called my mom(thank god for time differences) and talked for like 90 minutes, then eventually managed to get a few more hours of sleep.

so yeah, my life basically got turned upside down yesterday. i’m out at least $550 for the rental car, and my stuff is still sitting in my totaled car at the collision center. i think i’m gonna end up renting a storage unit for it bc i don’t want myself or anyone else to have to deal with lugging my 100+ pound rock collection up and then down all the stairs at my airbnb. on the bright side my anustart vanity plate is still in perfect condition but on the downside the front bumper of my car basically fell off and is now inside my car on top of all my belongings. and i’m stuck using uber or public transportation for the foreseeable future and basically when i transition from the airbnb to wherever i end up living i’m gonna have to fly my dad out to help me move, which is gonna be another large chunk out of my savings. and all because that fucking bakery couldn’t just tell me over the phone that they didn’t think i was qualified.