#I only like him because I was abused and have psychology as a special interest

[dirtytransmasc]

I think I need to make this post about billy, so I don't have to explain myself every time someone tries to call me out for being a racist or abuser-sympathizer. It's yet to happen on here, but it's definitely happened in real life, so Im just trying to stay ahead of the game.

I like billy with some major terms and conditions. I liked billy for who he should have been and could have been had the duffers actually put effort into his character and used him correctly. I do not like/ignore/excuse his racist/aggressive behavior in the show. I simply understand why they happened, how and why they could be worked through, and I can see past the behavior to the little kid who acted that way out of fear and years of abuse. I think he deserved a true redemption.

I can look at him from the perspective of someone who has both been through his abuse type and as someone who studies the effect of abuse on children. I can see how he fits the role of a reactive type scapegoat from a narcissistic family unit to the T like he is absolutely textbook. Of course, he and max don't have a good relationship (more on this here). That's the point of a narcissistic family unit. Forcing them against each other by fitting them into opposing roles, tearing the kids apart so they can't find reprieve with each other, and so the blame can be shifted to the scapegoat. The scapegoat is aggressive towards the golden child due to (forced) resentment, they can then be pinned as the sole abuser of the golden child, and the narcissist can't be blamed for being 'rough' with the scapegoat cause they are "aggressive and unruly, of course I had have a heavy hand, I needed to put him in his place." Of course, Billy hit on older women while being 17/barely 18. He wanted his mom; he has some serious mommy issues after she was one of the only known people to give him love and affection, only to have left him when he was 9/12 (tops) with his abuser. He was desperate for any sort of motherly love, and what other way to get positive attention than by offering his body and charm since that's the only thing people seem to give a shit about. Billy being aggressive with steve and picking a fight with him is kinda justified. To be clear, billy is aggressive, but he found his little sister (who he just got slapped around for because she ran off, and he was forced to take the blame) with 5 boys, one of which was his age (meaning he was significantly older than Max), and was lied to about her whereabouts. If that was my sibling and me, I would have beaten the shit out of steve too. Not only was he wound up from his dad picking a fight with him and from the move* (*explained later in the post), but he had every reason to think his sister was in some sort of danger. Combine those with billy's ever-increasing anger, and the whole thing makes sense.

There are also the external factors that need to be considered it was the 80s, and while Stranger Things is set in an idealized past, racism/bigotry of the time still exists and seems to be pretty widespread outside of the main party. So hate to break it to you, but king steve from seasons 1 and 2 was homophobic, pretty sexist, and most likely racist, but no one calls him out (I love steve so much, he's one of my favorites, but there is definitely a bit of a double standard/blind eye to his behavior). Plus, it can be easily assumed billy's behavior is learned from his father, cause I mean, look at Neil; he is a textbook biggot just from looks alone, that and the fact he openly calls his son the f-slur. It can be assumed billy's racism (because even if I think it was an unnecessary feature of billy's character, I'm not going to ignore it because that is a dangerous form of erasure and is a very slippery slope into even more racist behavior and territory) and while that doesn't make it right, it explains it and shows that there is a possibility for growth. The second thing is that season 2 takes place after a major move for the Hargrove-Mayfield family, and I go into it here, but I have more to add. The reason moves are so stressful for abuse victims is because of three things. There is a lot of stress, meaning there is a lot of fear of slipping up and accidentally upsetting an abuser; said abuser is stressed out, so punishments are typically a lot worse, and when there is stress, an abuser's fuse is even shorter, and they may create reasons to abuse the victim. Second, victims will memorize the household schedule to avoid being alone with the abuser and to know when they can and can't do certain things like being home/out, eating, showering, doing chores, etc. After a major move, it can take weeks for a schedule to even come about and even longer for it to become set and stone/memorized. Therefore there is a lengthy period in which a victim is in constant fight or flight, months before they can settle down and go back to a more casual state of survival mode (which on its own is horrible and exhausting and explains billy's behavior all on its own).

I related to billy so much, his pain, his anger, the way he reacted to his shitty life. I can barely understand how people hated him when everything he did had a reason when it was all a cry for help (I go more into this in the bottom half of this post). But I will be honest, I sometimes forget not everyone studies psychology for fun, and not everyone was abused, so take the former line with a grain of salt. He was so scared, and he tried to hide it with anger, which considering his father thought he was queer (he called him the f-slur, and even if he wasn't queer [he totally was] it was very common for any 'feminine' traits' shown in boys would get them labeled as queer) meaning he was most likely punished for being emotional. Anger is one of the only 'manly' emotions, meaning it was probably the only way he felt even slightly safe working through his feelings.

The only reason he was a racist is that the duffers forced a traumatized and abused child to be a villain when it was completely unnecessary (more on this here).

This is a compilation of why I love him and why I would do anything to bring him back and give him the second chance he deserved. he wasn't a villain. He was a misunderstood child (being 4 months and change past your 18th birthday doesn't magically make you an adult). Billy Hargrove was a hero. He fought a monster that took over his body and made him do horrible things, but he never gave up. It took 1 gentle touch and a reminder he was once happy for him to win against a monster. And even then, he didn't run; he stood up and saved the entire group (11 people; 7 kids, 4 teens) and subsequently all of Hawkins and most likely the world. Almost every second he was on screen, he was close to tears/crying. Every time the mind flayer used him, he cried with the last bit of control he had. he never wanted to hurt anyone; he taught little kids how to swim, for christ's sake. Deep down, at the very end of the day, under all of the angst and anger he used to protect himself, he was a good person and truly deserved to be loved. He didn't want to be angry, he was just so scared, and he had to be exhausted. I speak from experience when I say living through that mask all the time is tiring.

He should have gotten to escape Neil, apologize to the party, grow a relationship with max, get adopted by Joyce and Hopper, maybe spark a friendship with steve, and finally get to just live freely and happily. He deserved that much after almost 2 decades of pain and fear. Not become a cheap villain just for shits and giggles, and die horribly choking out an apology to his sister, only to be used as torture porn for max in season 4 and have his entire sacrifice boiled down to 'well he deserved to die anyway' making his entire backstory as a victim pointless (that actually did a lot of harm because it validates the perfect victim concept which is a super toxic view on abuse victims that caused a lot of pain and suffering for reactive victims. So screw the duffers for that. another user sums the concept up here)

[astroninaaa]

wtf is going on with cellbit - by a brazilian law major student

hey besties ever since the day cellbit released that PDF i’ve been keeping up with his shit bc as a law student (only two years to go!!!!) in brazil it’s kinda really interesting to see how it goes, specially since i don’t think we’ve ever had this sort of judicial action taken by an internet celebrity, like, ever. so i’ve decided to kinda explain what’s going on. if anyone has any questions after this i’d be really up to talk about it i love talking about law 🫶 xoxo let’s start. also sorry if anything reads weird english is not my native language okay

for those who don’t know, very recently, a judicial action taken by cellbit has made public. in this action, he’s suing over 200 people for the crime of defamation.

the action was taken to court in january, but it was under what we call “secret of justice”, which means only cellbit himself and twitter’s lawyers had access to it. now that there have been decisions by the judge and everything, the process’s been made public.

basically, cellbit started an action against twitter (NOT THE PEOPLE WHO COMMITTED THE CRIME YET), citing a little over 200 tweets that accused him of crimes like SA, psychological abuse, pedophilia, and others. all of those are real crimes in brazil — and accusing someone of committing crimes (specially as awful crimes as those) without proof is a crime in itself (defamation). he claimed that the tweets were harmful to his honor, mental health, and reputation, besides categorizing as defamation, since there’s no investigation going on against him for all these infractions he’s being accused of.

with that, he asked twitter to delete all the tweets, and to provide him with the personal information of said twitter accounts so he can sue them directly for defamation. he did these requests through something called “tutela cautelar”, which means the judge gets to decide whether or not twitter has to do these things before proof production and proper investigation, since, if twitter doesn’t do those things, the damage to his honor and reputation will be ongoing + he won’t be able to sue the proper people in time.

the judge conceded to his requests, and twitter has already deleted all the tweets. the main discussion going right now is wtf do they do about the international accounts — does our law apply to them? what’s gonna happen? we don’t know yet. that’s being discussed in court for the moment and, considering brazilian courts, it might take quite a while.

so, yeah, all those people aren’t being sued YET. but they will, probably somewhat soon.

it’s also important to mention that this lawsuit is from january and was only now released to the public. there’s probably a lot more coming after the whole fiasco that led him to releasing his statement, including a lawsuit against his ex herself.

now, other topics — could he sue other twitter accounts for cyber bullying or death threats? probably, but my personal opinion is that suing for defamation and focusing on accounts that were accusing him of having committed crimes was a much better move because it’s a much stronger case.

there’s very little room for discussion when a person has outright said “cellbit committed this crime”. death threats have more room for discussion: “oh, but they’re hundreds of miles away, it wasn’t a serious threat”, “they didn’t mean it”, “it was a joke”. same thing goes for cyberbullying: it can get too subjective.

defamation isn’t subjective. you accuse someone of a crime they didn’t commit? boom, defamation, at least according to our laws. so, to me, personally, it makes a LOT of sense for his lawyers to focus on that: he’s a LOT more likely to win than if he was suing for cyberbullying, threatening, insult, or any of that. also, he’s a lot more likely to win FASTER.

when he gets to sue the actual people who committed the crime, that is. for now, he’s only requested twitter to give him the necessary information to get to these people, which i think they’ll very likely be obligated to do. there are digital data protection laws in brazil, but a crime is a crime. digital data protection isn’t gonna protect you from the court.

another thing: LGPD (brazil’s general law of personal data protection) forces all social media companies to keep records of all the content posted by their users for AT LEAST six months. many companies keep it for way longer. that’s a law created for judicial purposes, in case something published to twitter, facebook, or instagram needs to be analysed by a court. that’s why even tho twitter has deleted the tweets, they still have them, and why it doesn’t matter if the people responsible are deleting the tweets, the accounts, the fucking app itself. the records are still there, and they will be used judicially.

i think that’s the overall for the situation, but i’m willing to answer any questions and to discuss it if anyone wants to! i’m a big law enjoyer. also personally i think cellbit is so fucking right for this like YEAH people don’t get to commit fucking crimes on twitter and get away with it. really interested in how this is gonna go law-wise, but in general also really glad to see someone take action like this.

[schyzotypalmind]

Double standards regarding Hannigram and Clannibal.

I need to take this out of my chest because I thing is a HUGE problem within the fandom of Thomas Harris´ Hannibal universe.

I´m a die hard fan of both the movies and the books. I kinda liked the TV Show but was never my cup of tea, specially with the mischaracterization of Hannibal.

Ignoring the fact the Hannibal is a misandrist in the books, like, he really hates men and the only good personal experiences that he ever had came from his mother, sister, step-aunt and Clarice.

I didn´t really care that they made him pansexual/bi/whatever in the tv series, but the whole point of Hannibal in the books/movies is that he doesn´t psychological or physical abuse those he loves or those who he finds interesting/not rude, like Barney.

I found extremely disturbing Hannibal killing women like stepping on flies. He doesn´t kill ANY women in the books or movies, maximum he did was bitting off the cheek of a nurse and we don´t know if she was rude to him before, treated him bad or whatever. Not justifying the attack but the fact that he never killed any women in the original books.

Also... killing Abigail in front of Will was the cherry on top. He would NEVER kill a sister figure to him or someone that he is taking care off or deeply loves.

What Hannibal did to Will in the series is what domestic abusers to do to women, killing their kids to get revenge on them and to mentally hurt them for life. It was completely fucked up and out of character. And people say is "beautiful" because they are "murder husbands"??? like are we been serious?

And then other fans and the media saying that the end of the book of Hannibal could never work on TV or movies because is not "feminist" that Clarice chose to run away with the only man in the world appart from her own father who didn´t mentally abuse, objectify or mistreat her.

Like... what??? Hannibal NEVER hurt Clarice physically nor mentally. He tried to brainwash her to get Mischa back... but was not to hurt Clarice in the process. He didn´t want to cause any harm to her on purpose, yeah, what he did was wrong too but hopefully Clarice was tougher that he expected and she end up offering herself to him as a lover.

Like... you guys hate the ending of the book because at the end she willingly ends up with him and live a happy life together in Argentina... but love the ending where after years of physical and mental abuse towards Will, they both jump together and throw themselves off a cliff... ?????

Like, if Hannibal didn´t tortured Will and did the same he did to Clarice, I would have actually loved the series, but this aweful toxic and abusive gay represetation really needs to stop. You are romantizicing abuse and are deeply DEEPLY misogynistic.

Is the same shit over again that happened with Killing Stalking, where even the author had to come up and say that IT WAS NOT a dark romance webtoon but a thriller.

Like be for fucking real... Hannibal murdering women left and right, torturing Will, trying to kill him, imprisoned him, killed his sister/daughter substitute of Mischa and that´s better that him genuinely trying to help Clarice with her trauma, healing and stitching her wound, giving her a luxurious life in Argentina??? Come on...

So a murder and toxic gay representation can work on media but not a fucked up heterosexual couple running away from a society that really failed them...

The tv series would have worked better if they did the same in the books but with Will (they didn´t have Clarice rights anyway), both running away together to Argentina without Hannibal destroying him physical and mentally.

[chaoticbardlady99]

Lethal Woman: Chapter 8 (Astarion x GN! Reader)

Synopsis: You and Astarion have many misadventures while going back through the Blighted Village. Someone from your past makes a gruesome reappearance and reveals they are hunting Astarion. You and Astarion inadvertently confess to each other that there is, in fact, something between the two of you.

CW: Violence, gore, fighting, alcohol, Gnome racism (I don’t hate Gnomes I promise- just Dwarves because the All Hammer killed one of my favorite DND characters), torture, mentions of emotional, psychological, and physical abuse.

Chapter 9

Likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated! Thank you for everyone who has been reading my little passion project!

Tracing your steps back through the blighted village was more eventful than any of you anticipated.

For one- you and Astarion stumbled upon an Ogre and Bug Bear couple (literally) bumping uglies. Astarion had insisted that he open it and you were really hoping it wasn’t what you thought it was. Considering your luck- you weren’t surprised they were fucking, but then they tried to kill you. So you had to ruin the party while the rest of your companions explored the other abandoned buildings while you and Astarion were trying to avoid being covered in various bodily fluids.

Second, Karlach informs you she befriended three massive ogres and they said they’ll send their aid when you “toot this little horn thing”. Then she gave you the news that they don’t promise NOT to eat you. You quickly convinced her to give it to you- you love your tiefling kindred spirit, but her impulse control is terrible sometimes.

Arguably the third incident may be the worst. Karlach had rejoined the other group when Wyll called her over so it was just the two of you again. You had attempted to help a deep Gnome by killing the Goblins that were terrorizing him- much to Astarion’s dismay.

Well, when the Gnome told you to stop the damn thing- you went inside thinking it would be one lever. It was TWO and they said what they each did IN COMMON. YOU CAN’T READ COMMON! And when you asked Astarion to pull the right lever- he had a mischievous look in his eyes.

“Consider the right level pulled, Darling.”

Needless to say, the only positive of that event was the hysterical cackling that erupted from your lover’s mouth as he fell to the ground- unable to contain himself until at least 10 minutes after the Gnome you promised to rescue became airborne and gained his Gnomeish wings. You had looked at Astarion and leered at him playfully.

“You are so mean,” you said while castigating him, trying not to let your love of his genuine laughter get in the way of basic morals, “that is not what I asked you to do at all!”

You are so glad no one else was around for that. Wyll would have stroked out.

“Oh Darling,” he said, wiping the tears from his eyes, “I never claimed not to be and next time- maybe be more specific instead of saying ‘can you pull the right lever?’’”

You sighed while pinching the bridge of your nose, now struggling to contain your laughter. Like the absolute shit he is- he found a loophole.

“Well as long as you aren’t tying me up to a windmill and flinging me into the heavens-“

You didn’t even get to end your sentence because Astarion began crying and laughing again.

Within an hour of the impromptu funeral, your situationship and the interests of the others in the group had been tested when you, Gale, Astarion, and Lae’zel found the Necromancy of Thay. You had accidentally stumbled across the room while searching the caverns underneath the Blighted Village and finding a strange purple amethyst. The book had immediately taken to it and you don’t know what Astarion had seen from the book, but he refused to back down and hand it to Gale.

“No!” Astarion says indignantly, “you aren’t eating this one!”

“I need it to stabilize-“

“I could give a rat’s ass about how stable your stupid chest orb is,” Astarion says while glaring, “this is far too special for the likes of you to consume.”

“It’s obviously a very powerful tome. It would be beneficial for helping my condition,” Gale huffs and then they both look at you.

Oh no.

“State your case?” You say awkwardly, “unbiasedly?”

They both scowl and Astarion pouts at you, but the look in his eyes tells you he understands to some extent that you at least have to let both parties argue their side. You did have a full blown melt down one of the first nights of the journey over not being able to make everyone happy. Astarion rarely put up a fight with you unless it was important to him. You do this with everyone, not just them, but you worry your relationship with Astarion will be seen as the influencing factor.

Gale simply stated that it had powerful magic that he would like to consume. You did mention that you have multiple items for him in your pocket at any given time, but he is still insistent.

Then Astarion makes his case and it’s actually very difficult to argue with it. It’s a book of Necromancy and he is undead. What if the book had a cure for his condition? Or at least a way to diminish the side effects? The desperation in his voice had somehow cracked Gale’s resolve- you didn’t even have to make a decision.

“Fineeeeeeeee,” Gale drawls, “have the damn book- you bastard.”

Astarion looks far too pleased with himself.

Asshole, you think with a smile.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You set up camp at your previous campsite near the Grove so that you can begin your journey into the Underdark.

The sun has already set and the moon shines brightly in the sky. You aren’t ready to go underground yet. You always miss the moon and stars.

You are sitting by the nearby river- enjoying the sounds of the roaring river with Karlach as the two of you try to sort out her love life.

“Soooo,” you raise your eyebrows at her, “is it going to be Wyll, Damon, or Shadowheart?”

“Ughhhh,” Karlach tips over and pretends to writhe in pain in the grass, “having choices sucks!!”

“Oh come on K,” you say teasingly, “you must have someone you are specifically gravitating towards.”

Karlach taps her chin and pretends to think. After a minute- she just looks at you and shrugs.

“I’ve got nothing.”

“Nothing? You spend so much time with Shadowheart and Wyll! Dammon I’d maybe understand being out of the running but what the hell man!”

“I know, I know,” Karlach sighs, “I mean you had Gale and Halsin up your ass- why Astarion?”

You are almost frozen by her question. Why does everyone but you notice when people fancy you?

Why did you choose Astarion? You know the answer, but you also don’t know how to phrase it without sounding like an emotionally clingy weirdo.

“Um well,” you cough awkwardly, “I guess I just really like who he is as a person. I think he’s really funny, intelligent, and whether he wants to admit it or not- he is kind, in his own way.”

You neglect to tell Karlach about the Gnome. You have a feeling she won’t love that whole mess.

“The first night we hung out and just talked was… it was like when I met Tessa for the first time. It was an instant- oh no I’d do anything for this person.”

You hug your knees and put your chin on them. You scrunch up your face and avoid her face.

“You look rather upset for someone who is horribly smitten.”

“I’m not upset- it’s just weird… feeling this way again,” you sigh heavily, “I really am a walking death trap though-specifically where lovers go to die. I probably should end it, right? To keep him safe?”

“I would let him make that decision if you are so worried about it,” Karlach waves her hands at you dismissively, “you like him-I believe he likes you. Fangs can make his own choices- we all know the risk of traveling with you as you know the risk of traveling with us.”

“That’s a good point.”

“Of course it is! I’m a genius!”

You roll your eyes, “So who’s it gonna be Karlach?”

“DAMMIT!”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The trek back to camp isn’t a long one, but you are ready to be in- well- a bed roll?

Astarion has found every excuse in the book to have you come and stay in his tent with him- except for just flat out asking you. It makes you quite giddy regardless.

One night he had even resorted to using the excuse that he needed your assistance and guidance in sharpening his throwing knives. You know what didn’t happen? Sharpening throwing knives.

The two of you had ended up tangled in each other’s embrace and talking until you eventually fell asleep. You woke up the next morning (entirely too early, the sun was barely rising) with him curled around you sleeping. You decided to go back to sleep- you weren’t ready to start your day. You’d rather stay here with Astarion.

You walk back to camp with a slight skip in your step- wondering if Astarion will want you to sleep in his tent with him again tonight. It had been a little less than a week since you had begun backtracking to the Underdark entrance and he had sought you out every night. You really REALLY hope he continues this trend.

Karlach is talking to you about the pros and cons of each partner- still entirely undecided- when you both hear a bone chilling cackle come from a tree in front of you. You both stop in your tracks immediately- Karlach reaches for the small blade she brought with her and you prepare your hidden daggers.

“Well if it isn’t good ole Corpse Eyes,” the mysterious woman says, “we thought you’d finally disappeared for good. Suppose we were wrong.”

You recognize the voice immediately as your fellow guild mate- Rinara. The two of you couldn’t stand each other. She wanted Dahlia to lavish her in all the attention and training she gave you- you just wanted to be left the fuck alone.

Rinara felt like you were a, “selfish fucking brat,” and had taken to calling you ‘Corpse Eyes’ because you had been entirely empty, rigid, and lifeless up until the last year. You were no better than a walking, mindless zombie to her.

Rinara steps around the corner and it takes every last bit of restraint you have not to let the horror show on your face.

Rinara was once a beautiful, almond haired half High Elf with a strong, healthy body. Now? Her skin is the color of Ash, her eyes are bloodlust red, her hair is coming out in clumps on her head, and her skin is peeling off like she has been sitting in an acid bath for a while now. Her left cheek is completely gone- revealing her teeth and gums.

“I was initially only here for the Spawn,” you feel your blood freeze as she smiles at you- all teeth and no light in her eyes, “but if Dahlia also had you…”

“You need to back the fuck off Rinara or-“

“Or what!? You’ll kill me?” She yells out hysterically, “I’m already fucking dead! You disappeared and so they sent fucking Dahlia to do your contract- a request from Obhark himself for the assassination of Lord Cazador Szarr.

“The woman struck a fucking deal with him- she’ll help get his prodigal son home and she’ll supply him with Deathbringers if she’ll be made his consort when he completes the ritual.

“I may not be able to control them,” she snarls, “but I do know that none of this would have happened if you hadn’t fucked off. This was supposed to be you! You are the one who should be tortured and violated! Not me! Not any of us!”

Huh, so your contract was to kill Cazador and because a Mindflayer kidnapped you- Dahlia took the contract and has gone rogue. How very convenient. This certainly tracks with the ridiculousness of the other circumstances you are dealing with. If it’s not devils, then it’s the Gith. If it’s not the gith- it’s some sadistic vampire. There is no winning in this group. Halsin is the only one that doesn’t seem to have an issue yet, but you are waiting for the other shoe to drop on that one.

That’s not important right now- knowing what the ritual is? That would be very valuable. You and Astarion have tried to figure out what the carvings into his back are and what they represent. You can read infernal so you know what it says, but it doesn’t make total sense.

Hoyc inferiu non iurare per igneu

Naec virba loquor

Eoai mundo muoat

This soul swears no oath by fire

Nor words does he speak

In the realm of death

You both has assumed it was just a way to prevent him from making contracts with devils to be free of Cazador, but now knowing there is a ‘ritual’ happening- you wonder if it’s an integral part of the ritual, the scars. If they are, then that means you are going to be doing some heavy duty bodyguard work- if Obarhk himself had requested it, then it must mean it’s not good.

Which also doesn’t surprise you given the circumstances.

“What ritual,” you say through clenched teeth.

Her smile is unsettling, “It’s a secret- all I know is that it’s going to make Master very very powerful.”

She looks at you with so much pain and anger. You are Dahlia’s favorite chew toy- you had been keeping her out of harm's way (unintentionally) this whole time and now that she has Dahlia’s attention- she seems to realize now why you didn’t want it in the first place.

Rinara looks borderline feral- you can see it now. Dahlia evidently doesn’t know how to complete the ritual or she used a different one entirely- that’s why Rinara is somewhere between a Deathbringer and a skeleton in the making. You bite back the bile as you watch a piece of her flesh roll off of her arms onto the ground below.

“She tricked all of us- requested every Assassins’ aid that was not a Deathbringer. Told us Obarkh is going to pick one of us for a special project based on our ‘performance,” she spits at the ground, “then she turned us into these things- only ten out of the hundred of us that went survived. Cazador’s blood and Dahlia’s black magic flows through my veins and I survived to tell the tale- I am rotting away. I wish I died.

“And now? I’m going to have a feast- at least I can enjoy one last full meal before I disappear completely,” she bares her canines at you, “I wonder how Half Drow tastes- maybe I should ask those pigs that ate your bitch mother.”

You don’t even have time to reply before Rinara is lunging at you and Karlach. You both deftly dodge the display of all consuming rage that Rinara throws into her movement.

Rinara has always been too blood thirsty to think logically during a fight and her recent transformation seems to have only made it worse- except now she’s stronger so she may be able to actually get some damage in- doubtful, but possible.

You and Karlach breakthrough the trees and you are barrelling towards camp. You are well-versed in unarmed hand to hand combat, but you can’t leave your life up to chance. You don’t know what Dahlia did to her, but it’s becoming clearer that it was not a Deathbringer ceremony that was performed. Her breathing behind you is ragged and rattling- the smell of her skin taints the air you breathe. She is here specifically for Astarion- you can’t afford to take any risk that could keep Rinara alive.

Everyone looks at you both in alarm as you grab your daggers from outside Lae’zel’s tent (she had offered to sharpen them and basically refused to let you say no). Karlach grabs her axe and yells frantically about some zombie woman who wants Astarion, but hates you and now she wants to consume you before taking Astarion back to Cazador. Oh and Dahlia is in on it too because apparently your disappearance had really caused some issues with a contract regarding killing the Vampire Lord.

You barely see the footsteps of the invisible person running up to you in time to dodge and you hear the scream of frustration rip through the air.

You make a wild guess regarding her location and throw a knife while she screams and cusses at you.

“I’ve been waiting to rip you piece by FUCKING piece since I met -“ she is cut off by a screech and revealing herself to your companions.

You had most definitely hit her- your blade stuck in her left eyeball. Rinara looks at you- significantly more pissed off than she was even a moment before-, rips out her eyeball using the throwing knife, discards it, and begins circling you.

Rinara is not bright and she lacks impulse control. She can remain in control for maybe only four or five minutes at a time- which would explain why hearing your voice is probably what set her off Astarion’s path. The chase bought you more time since Rinara loves a good hunt- you are almost positive you can break her down quickly and because she’ll be chasing a high, she’ll make stupid mistakes. Rinara also loves to talk and taunt her targets which infuriates you, but at least it’s a full proof trap for her.

“You don’t always need to be stronger than your opponents,” Dahlia says as she watches you get the shit kicked out of you by a hired mercenary, “you just need to be faster, smarter, and calm- let them dig their own grave.”

Your companions are clambering for their weapons and you send out a “don’t move” message telepathically. Astarion protests hit your brain like a wave- all you feel is fear. You tell him to trust you and you allow him to be privy to your thoughts and actions. You know exactly how quickly this will end after your next words and you don’t need her getting spooked.

“You know, Rinara, I’m not surprised Dahlia tricked you or that you were dense enough to drink Cazador’s blood- it certainly wouldn’t be the dumbest thing you’ve fallen for,” you smile at her, “I might actually feel sorry for you this time.”

You see your companions all staring at you as Rinara’s footsteps end just to the right of their line of sight. You can feel Astarion’s gaze burning into you and you have to focus hard on disconnecting. Embarrassment will not be helpful.

“What did you just say to me, you little wretch?”

“Oh sorry,” you clear your throat, “I SAID- I THINK YOU ARE REALLY REALLY FUCKING DUMB AND I’M NOT SURPRISED YOU GOT DOOPED.”

The sound of Astarion’s laughter fills your head- you fight to stop the smile that is threatening to cross your lips. The rage bristling off of her is so wonderful. You feel a dopamine rush over the way her teeth are chattering in anger, the way her eyes are paranoid and unfocused as she looks at you. You have gotten under her skin and now it’s your turn to be the predator.

“I’m going to enjoy bringing your skeleton back to Dahlia after I pick you clean,” she roars, “I’m going to enjoy watching that stupid Spawn finally fulfill his-“

“Do you ever shut up or ?” You ask, snorts and laughter coming from your companions, “I feel like I left that at a really good spot and we should just move forward or whatever?”

Oh the look of embarrassment, shame, and fury on her face- how you wish Lucia could have seen it. She could not stand Rinara and the way her face twists with the sour emotions is a wonderful sight to behold.

“I’ve changed my mind. I won’t eat you, I’ll just bring you back to Dahlia like the fucking disobedient thing you are! You” she spits, “are nothing, but a walking Corpse. You should have stayed dead- I liked you better that way. If Dahlia can do it once- I’m sure she’ll love doing it again. You’ll be tolerable and compliant soon enough.”

The cackle that leaves your lips surprises you.

“You always have been so fucking stupid, Rinara,” you hiss, “if you want Dahlia to love you so fucking bad you can have her. The price of her ‘love’ is hardly worth it- the woman is madder than that weird old guy next to brothel on 8th.”

“YOU ARE UNGRATEFUL!” Rinara screeches, “I WILL TEACH YOU A LESSON!”

You could not roll your eyes further back into your head. It should be easier to leave the Nightmasks. The idiocy is putting years on your immortal life.

“Doubtful, but you are welcome to try.”

Rinara lunges fast, but you are definitely faster. You imagine having intact skin helps. Rinara is hitting you with attack after attack and you just focus on dodging, getting in close for a quick hit, then back to dodging. She is the one dying, not you- let her do all the hard work.

Whatever spell Dahlia used did not promote Stamina or basic hygiene- unfortunately. Rinara is breathing hard and is already losing power in her hits.

This goes on for a couple minutes before Rinara does what she always does- lifting up her back foot ever so slightly so that she can extend her blade farther. You don’t know how many times you have to trip her for this mistake before she realizes she’s her own worst enemy.

You move out of the way and use her momentum- with a swift kick of your foot- Rinara went skidding across the dirt. Her blade is stuck in the ground near you almost perfectly upright. You walk over to it and you push it even further into the ground then stand directly in front of it, cutting off her line of sight to it.

“If you want your cheap ass sword back- come get it.”

It’s actually a very expensive sword and Rinara is very very defensive about it.

“YOU-“

Rinara doesn’t even allow herself to finish her sentence before she flings a massive bolt of lightning your way. Your companions are screaming as you run towards the lightning, but you know what you are doing. You dive just below the electric crackling in the air and roll back onto your feet. You watch as Rinara turns to you before she catches the blue bolt coming back towards her.

You didn’t always like to use your enemies weapons for their intended purposes, but when in need of a reflective surface- you can never go wrong with a sword.

Rinara goes flying towards the campfire- the smell of rotting burnt flesh fills your nose as she cries out in pain with every spark of lightning that jolts through her.

You take your time to walk back to the campfire, walking over with her sword in hand, and look through your pack- of course you left your Holy Water at home. At least you have wine- you pop it open and begin to drink. Rinara is still writhing on the ground and her flesh is even worse off than it was before. This really isn’t your favorite way to spend any evening- killing your formal frenemy because there is no rehabbing this version of her. It is all the worst of Rinara and then some.

You sigh heavily and walk over to her. You cock your head at her, leaning on her sword for support, and take another long sip of the wine. Rinara’s irritation is growing, but her body is practically in tatters now. She lashes out at you with clawed hands- you meet both of her wrists with her own sword- deftly cleaving them off her. The mortified scream that leaves Rinara’s mouth as she begins trying to back away from you. You smile at her with your vampiric stare- intensifying Rinara’s growing fear.

“Dahlia did a shit job training you. Didn’t she tell you the rules ? Use it and you lose it,” you take another swig.

“Hells Soldier!”

“Hey-“ you take an even bigger sip, “I’ve been waiting to take this one out back and put her out of her misery for five years. She’s obsessed with Dahlia of all fucking people and so she terrorizes me by interfering with my contracts! I will be enjoying my moment- thank you very much.”

“That’s not what I meant- you ‘use it, you lose it?’ That can’t possibly-“

You roll up your sleeves and the silence around the campfire is deafening as everyone stares- you should have probably not done that.

Blunt, deep lines around your wrist, old and faded into the skin. There are similar markings on your elbows right at your elbows.

“The reversal process involves blood magic and necromancy- if you were wondering. Oh and yes it does hurt, yes I have more, and no I won’t be talking about it.”

Rinara kicks you weakly- your shoulders slump. Is she serious right now? Consistency is key so off goes the foot. Rinara’s pained wailing echoes in the air.

One last giant swig and you feel less freaked out and embarrassed by your sudden onslaught of bravado. You hold out the bottle to Astarion who happily takes it and begins to drink from it- you can feel his eyes melting your skin and you are almost afraid to see the emotions in them.

You grab Rinara by the back of her collar and her wriggling barely stops you from being able to easily drag her along the forest floor all the way back to the river. Hopefully she’s close to the same concept as a vampire, but also Rinara can’t swim.

“Well my dumb friend,” you say with a snort, “this is where we part ways- permanently. I hope the fish like their dinner and you’ll stop talking so Goddamn much in fights during battles. This was way too much work for how fucking weak you are.”

Rinara is screaming and kicking. You let her go and walk about five feet in front of her- putting her between yourself and the river. You wave and smile like you are saying goodbye to a loved relative- followed with a middle finger.

You use a simple Push cantrip and watch with a sort of sick satisfaction as Rinara begins to burn up, steam coming up from the water as she is dragged away by the current.

“Well Roo, I would say that may be some of your finest work yet,” you say, giving yourself a pat on the back.

You turn around and see all of your companions. You suddenly feel ill and self-conscious. Wyll looks slightly horrified, Halsin is just unreadable, Karlach is giving you a thumbs up like it’s your first day of school, Shadowheart is nodding her head impressed, Gale is shocked, and Lae’zel is slowly clapping.

Astarion though? He’s looking at you with a mixture of gratitude, warmth, and pride. You try your best to avoid his gaze as you put your hand on your hip and lift an eyebrow at them. You might actually keel over from adoration if you look at him.

“What are you guys even doing? Good Gods you people are far too supportive and clingy,” you say trying to hide your smile and then look at Gale, “don’t you have something cooking?”

“SHIT!”

All of your companions turn around to leave, but Astarion begins to walk towards you and you feel like your heart might explode in your chest. You see Karlach celebrate behind him- giving you a thumbs up again and you shake your head at her.

You just fought a woman and barely broke a sweat, but the minute he even looks at you- you feel like your whole body is on fire. Strong hands, grab you by the hips and pull you into his chest before he then moves them to your face. Astarion cups your face in his hands and is looking in your eyes.

“You are a sight to behold, Darling,” he says breathlessly, “that was the most beautiful display of violence I’ve ever seen.”

“ I- uh,” you choke back the surprise, “just another day… on the job?”

“Oh well, let me thank you for your wonderful work then.”

“You don’t need to-“

Astarion presses his lips to yours and swallows up the words you were going to say. The kiss is rough, but slow and needy- hungry even. It makes you feel like he is yearning for you- worshiping you in a temple.

When you pull back for air, you see how his eyes are blown wide with lust and another emotion you can’t quite decipher- it’s positive, but also a little fearful.

“Stay with me?” He asks, his voice uncharacteristically shy, “in my tent?”

“Tonight?”

“Yes,” he pauses before saying quietly, “and every night after that too- if you want.”

You let a huge smile spread across your face and his nervous expression appears to melt away almost instantly. You step back from him and curtsy.

“I, a simple camp urchin, would be honored to stay in your tent with you, Lord Acunin,” you say teasingly.

Astarion rolls his eyes with a lopsided smile, but puts his arm out to you. You loop your arm through his as if you are two normal nobles courting each other.

“First we must feed you, my Lady,” Astarion states in an overly proper tone, you giggle and you see the corners of his mouth twitch further at the sound, “I must make sure my lover is well taken care of after all.”

You are hot from head to toe and Astarion absolutely has to notice. If he does, he doesn’t say anything, but you hope he hears how alive he makes your heart sound.

*************************************

“Never have I ever…” Gale says, “worked for a Devil.”

Astarion watches as Karlach and Wyll begrudgingly take a large sip of their choice of liquor. You are leaning your head on Astarion’s shoulder- the alcohol making you slightly more affectionate in public. Astarion would be lying if he said it didn’t give him a thrill to be this close to you- even if PDA might not be his thing.

“Never have I ever- been a vampire,” Karlach says slyly.

Both you and Astarion grumble- taking a shot.

“Never have I ever,” Shadowheart says, tapping her finger on her knee , “lit a building on fire.”

Every single one of you but Halsin takes a shot. Shadowheart giggles and then also takes a shot.

“Shadowheart,” Karlach says and looks at her with confusion, “you aren’t supposed to drink if you haven’t done it?”

“Oh no- I have,” Shadowheart slurs, “I just wanted another shot and couldn’t think of anything else.”

Karlach begins to chastise Shadowheart playfully- commenting on how she is already way too messed up and Shadowheart saying, “I am a CLERIC I can cure my own hangovers!”

Everybody chuckles and returns to the game- it’s Wyll’s turn. Wyll regards you and cocks an eyebrow.

“Hmmmmm…. Never have I ever killed a Liche.”

You snort and take a shot.

“NO!” Wyll exclaims, “I thought I had you that time.”

“Mhmmmmm,” you hum in acknowledgement, “I think I was- 15?”

Wyll is sitting on the edge of his seat- actually everyone is. Astarion watches you squirm in recognization that everyone wants to hear your story.

“Oh it was just a complete accident,” you say with a fake enthusiasm, “I was exploring a nearby temple during a contract and just happened to run into one.”

Everyone bought the story- Wyll comments that you have terrible luck which you laugh at. He has no idea.

Astarion already knows this story- Dahlia had dragged your halfway dead body all the way into an abandoned castle off the coast of the Sea of Stars, resurrected you, and then shackled your feet and hands together. She later hid the key for the shackles somewhere in the castle for you to find.

It was an exercise- a sadistic one. You had pissed her off the night before because you had refused to let you cut your hair. She had cut it all off, every last inch, after she had beaten you into submission by quite literally killing you. This was the second part of your punishment.

She told you that there is a Lich hiding in the castle and her expectations of you were high- you are not to receive even a single scratch and the Lich needed to be dead. The punishment for not meeting these expectations? You would go without eating for a week and you would be locked away in the basement- not allowed to leave or see Tessa. You killed the lich, but you were horrifically mauled in the process because you couldn’t find the key. It was a long week in that dark, cold, horrible basement. Dahlia had also hired Abdirak to reinforce how horribly you fucked up.

Astarion absentmindedly puts his hand on yours and gives it a reassuring squeeze- trying to disrupt the spiral you’re evidently about to go into. You look over at him and Astarion feels like he could melt. You look at him with so much gratitude and as if he is the most important person who has ever walked this earth. Gods he has really really fucked up his plan.

The game has continued to go on without the two of you and suddenly everyone is staring at you both.

“Did you both not hear the question?” Karlach snorts while wiggling her eyebrows.

You both look at each other and you laugh awkwardly before turning back to Karlach.

“Repeat?”

“Never have I ever felt romantically towards any form of vampire,” Wyll states, “Gale, Lae’zel, and Shadowheart have had their shots already- so now we are just waiting on you two.”

Astarion doesn’t even have to think about it- which could partially be because of how intoxicated he currently is- obviously he is taking a shot.

He pours some more alcohol in yours and his glasses- then looks at you. This is about when his drunk mind realizes that he is basically stating, “I like you, but do you like me?” With his actions and that there is still the possibility that you could reject him. He did fling a Gnome you were trying to save into the air today- not the most attractive thing a person can do. (It was kind of worth it though).

“Cheers?” He says with a smirk on his face- hoping his eyes don’t reflect how nervous he feels.

You squint your eyes at him playfully before clinking the glass, “Cheers.”

Karlach claps her hands excitedly and Wyll’s eyes are sparkling while he looks at her. Shadowheart also smiles widely at the display of support.

You and Astarion have been speculating who Karlach is going to end up with for days now- Dammon is still a possibility, but you both have decided that it’s least likely. Astarion thinks Shadowheart and you think it will be Wyll. There’s 100 gold on the line for whoever wins. If it ends up being Dammon though? Well you will both drink and commiserate together about how blind you had both been.

It’s your turn now and you look directly at Astarion, he isn’t sure how he feels about the mischievous glint in your eyes. Then you say your sentence out loud and he feels a laugh bubble up from his lungs.

“Never have I ever flung a Deep Gnome from a windmill.”

Astarion falls off the log- laughing just as hard as he had done earlier- as you regale the group with the story. Gods it had been such a wonderful experience- the look on your face had been priceless. He also silently appreciated that you were far more impressed with his loophole than upset about his actions.

The goodies of the group castigate him, but they are all laughing equally as hard as the both of you are. You paint a very vivid picture using hand gestures and words that Astarion has been teaching you in common to describe things. He relishes in how lovely and lively you are- Alcohol is such a wonderful thing. He can just enjoy you without that horrible nagging in his head that even being involved with you anymore is a bad idea.

When Astarion finally finishes laughing- he happily takes another shot.

[joesalw]

Ok, that's gonna be long one.

One jet is around $50 million. She has two. And now she had the ig tracking account taken down claiming that's an invasion of privacy. Very interesting considering the account existed for a few years and she didn't have any problems with it and now suddenly she gets called out for abusing the environment it's become invasive. The lady is shady. And the fact that her answer about not going to therapy is 'i feel very sane'. Oof. She's republican raised for sure. Those people think that any mental health issue equals clinical insanity and if you're seeing a therapist there must be something wrong with you.

She's jumping from one relationship to another and doesn't even know who she is. She just molds into whatever her man wants or what looks best for the image. She doesn't know how to exist on her own. For someone who presents herself as a 'girlboss' she sure doesn't have a sense of self-worth and always has to have a man next to her. No matter how bigoted he may be. She's not getting any younger so she's getting desperate and that's probably why she's unleashing on Joe. If she wants a kid, she doesn't have much time left so she latches on to every man throwing themselves at her in hopes of a happily ever after. It doesn't work like that. Fix yourself first then move on to look for someone to build a life and future with. There's no way any sane grown man would want a self-sabotaging, fight-picking, obsessive overgrown teenager with no sense of boundaries to even marry let alone have a child with. She doesn't know where her public life ends and private one begins.

I'm sure Joe saw all of that and dipped. It's not good to bring a child in that environment. And if they'd ever had one, she'd go on with her life and he'd be a house husband. I've never seen TS as maternal, nurturing or even mature enough to have a child because she seems not to have the capacity to take care of herself. In 2016 Joe was the one who took care of her and 'saved her'. It wasn't her own doing. And when he left, she started spiraling again. She portrayed herself as a mature grown woman in her 2020 albums and that turned out to be a farce. She's still that same insecure 16 year-old but richer, more influential and famous. Her recent interviews are a solid proof of that.

Her music is also nothing special. Some generic pop with repetitive and recycled melodies. She's not a vocalist, not a dancer, doesn't have a superb instrument skill, there's barely any emotion in every song she sings. Her lyrical topics are the same and don't hold any though provoking themes. She uses nonsensical metaphors and uncommonly used words to make her lyrics look better and herself seem smarter. It doesn't change the point of the song though. Argumentative antithetical dream girl is just a glamorous way of saying manic. Machiavellian is a way of saying manipulative, being morally indifferent and self-serving, lacking empathy. Sure does sound nice, huh? "I'm only cryptic and Machiavellian (manipulative, selfish, deceptive, cunning. call it whatever you want) 'cause I care". Machiavellianism in psychology is described as one of the traits in the Dark triad model. Right along narcissism and psychopathy. Mastermind is masterminding out in the open and no one bats an eye. The psychologists that named the trait after Niccolo Machiavelli said that one of the core features is lack of concern for conventional morality (they aren't concerned about the morality of lying and cheating). If you're into psychology Richard Christie and Florence L. Geis (the ones that named the trait) have a book "Studies in Machiavellianism" which is a pretty good and insightful read.

(just my assumption) I'm sure Joe dropped that word on her and she was like 'ooh, sounds nice and Machiavelli was like very political, a bit controversial and cool and people refer to him a lot, I'll definitely be using that in a song'. lmao. little did she know. I think she thought he meant it in a political sense and not a psychological one. Which are totally different things. And I'm sure he was like 'lol, she thought'.

There're a ton of celebrities bringing her up on talk-shows as well. At least once a week there's a bit on some show about a certain celeb's interaction with her. As someone who enjoys learning english trough media that's quite disturbing. I see her everywhere, TV shows, news articles, social media outlets. She's becoming inescapable. And that makes me wonder about the proportion of celebrities and journalists who genuinely like her and the ones who bring her up to get more attention. God forbid you say anything negative about her. Her Karen army will immediately send death threats your way, make fun of every aspect of your life or even dox you. And with her silence she's enabling this behaviour because she's a self-proclaimed Machiavellian (whether she chose a psychological meaning for the song or not) and doesn't care what her minions do as long as she doesn't get called out for it.

She only allows non-critical journalists to interview her. I mean, what kind of self-suck is that? An interview should be a form of discussion and not an ass kissing session. Any negative article about her will have your whole outlet blacklisted from interacting with her and her team. She needs to be in full control of the narrative all the damn time because she knows that once she lets go of the rein all of the skeletons in her closet will fall out on their own.

She's digging her own grave and I'm here for it. Last time she could make Kim and Kanye the villains and this time she'll have no one to blame but herself. Her narcissistic flat ass would make Tree the scapegoat if there's no one else she could point her finger to. It's always someone else's fault but hers. A chronic victim of this cruel patriarchal world.

I have studied psychology briefly and have learned about the dark triad and machiavellianism. What's surprising to me is that high mach people can gain advantage in the short run but ultimately lose their power in the long run because people start seeing through their surface level acting, which is what we're seeing through her behaviour right now. She acts to be an activist only when it benefits her. But swifties have so much obsession with her that even if they find it disturbing, they will try to justify it. Also idk how Taylor flexes about her machiavellianism, like to me that's not something to be proud of, the ends do not justify the means when you hurt so many people in the process. The fact that she's accepting she's cunning, manipulative, deceptive and lies to get things according to her own interest tells a lot about who she is as a person! no wonder why Joe didn’t want to marry her. Her machiavellianism trait only benefitted her in the short run

[undeniablespice]

drowned god the weak little beast you put on this earth to write fanfiction and like greyjoys has been neglecting homework in order to reread the affc ironborn chapters and have way too many opinions about the soggiest man in the world. i have Had Some Thoughts on aeron, theon, and names

it really is striking to me just how little people refer to aeron by his name. not just in conversation, but in the narrative itself, with the most notable example of this being aeron himself in his pov chapters constantly thinking of himself not as aeron but as damphair or just The Priest. he refers to himself as damphair or The Priest instead of aeron like twenty times throughout the prophet, to the point where it's used almost as frequently as his actual name. in the drowned man it's only like eight times (which i think is mostly because the vast majority of this chapter is given over to the kingsmoot, where aeron is mostly a spectator and the narrative focus is on the events taking place rather than his reaction to them). in the forsaken, it's ten times, though while aeron is actively imprisoned he mostly thinks of himself as aeron, with damphair being used four times in flashbacks to events that took place in the past, once during a conversation with euron while aeron is defying him, and then three times after he is freed and he can see the sea again

the consistency and frequency of aeron in his own mind thinking of himself as something other than his name reads to me almost like a foil to theon and reek. the identity of the damphair allows aeron to dissociate himself from the burden of his past weaknesses and sins: his pre-drowning frivolity and alcoholism and euron's sexual abuse. for aeron, being damphair is as empowering as being reek is degrading for theon. he is constantly affirming to himself that he is a loyal servant of the drowned god and that this makes him strong. it gives him status and purpose he never had as aeron the boy, who was the youngest and weakest of his brothers. aeron-the-priest cannot be frightened by any mortal man any more than he can be frightened by the dark or by memories. kill the boy to become the man -> drown the boy to become the damphair

(although, of course, when aeron tells himself all this about how god chose him and it makes him strong and special and immune to fear, he is deluding himself. the damphair is haunted incessantly by his brothers. aeron has the tendency to reconcile his lasting fear of euron with his special god-given immunity to such mortal flaws as feeling fear by believing that euron is ungodly/an avatar of the storm god/literally the devil, and therefore not really a mortal man in the same way that balon and victarion are

which is a really interesting parallel to how euron must see himself, what with the whole apotheosis god-king thing he's got going on by twow. in a way, euron is aeron's real god. it is euron's abuse that first connected aeron with faith, and it is faith that aeron uses to cope with and overcome the lasting psychological scars of that abuse and urri's death. aeron doesn't think of euron as a mere flesh and blood human being anymore. he's mythologized the crow's eye in his own mind: euron is not just his abuser, he's a boogeyman, a devil, quite literally the thing that goes bump in the night. and euron knows this, and delights in knowing it and in taking every chance he can to tear down aeron's faith and replace the drowned god with himself as the backbone of aeron's life. which he does not actually succeed in doing, as of the forsaken! aeron keeps his faith like theon keeps his name. it cannot be taken from them)

reek, meanwhile, is not an identity that theon chooses to assume to cope with his trauma. it is forced upon him in the middle of the trauma and he has no choice but to accept it for his own self-preservation. ramsay devastates theon physically: flaying him, starving him, beating him, removing his fingers and toes and teeth and genitals. imprisonment and violence are the tools he uses to take away theon's physical strength to resist him, but reek is how he gets to all the parts of theon that can't be bruised or cut. it's the psychological equivalent of a flaying knife. reek is the weapon he uses to attack theon's identity and sense of self and personhood. though it's important to me to note that those were things theon was already struggling with well before ramsay came on the scene, and that he has an absolutely unbelievably strong will that allows him to retain a degree of his original personality under ramsay and regain his own name later in adwd even after enduring all the torture and abuse. he is a greyjoy of pyke. his name is theon, and if he dies, he will die as theon, not as reek. when he leans into being reek, it is as a means of self-preservation and protection from harm. he basically says as much to jeyne when he tells her to be arya: he believes that serving ramsay and capitulating to his whim is the best way to stay safe. you have to know your name.

ultimately, theon is as relieved to be rid of the name reek as aeron is relieved to see the ocean again at the end of the forsaken. theon's name is a source of pride to him, something that he clings to after he has lost everything else, something that will always be his even after all that has been taken away from him. aeron's name is a source of shame, something that he is reduced to when he feels weak, something that he reverts to when he is powerless at the mercy of his abuser

[purgemarchlockdown]

Milgram and The Rose Bride

(CWs: Child Abuse, Cults, Unhealthy Relationships, Bullying, Sexism, Discussions of Ownership in the context of Marriage, minor mentions of sexual abuse and minor mentions of sexual abuse in relation to Minors)

(Spoilers for Utena!)

Alright so, since I'm putting this on the Milgram blog, most likely most people who see this don't know what the Rose Bride is and what that means so lets answer that question.

The Rose Bride is a concept in the 90s Psychological Shoujo Anime Revolutionary Girl Utena, in which the main premise is that a bunch of highschoolers are dueling for marriage (ownership) of the Rose Bride so that they can revolutionize the world.

Now, the thing is, The Rose Bride is a Real Person, and the implications of her ownership and the environment that Allows for that to happen are explored through the series, and the reason why I'm bringing it up in relation to Milgram is this.

"In the end, all girls are the rose bride."

Let's talk about Mahiru for a bit since her being so focused on romantic love makes it a lot easier to explain what I mean by this.

In T1 we get this interrogation from Mahiru:

T1Q20: What do you think about smoking? I've never smoked before, but I might copy him if who I love smokes.

This is a deeply concerning sentence, Mahiru has just stated that she is willing to do something incredibly physical destructive to herself if the person she loves is doing the same. This connects back to her thoughts on having "matching love."

We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt Let's have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad This is a claim of responsibility From the two of us with matching love

Now, the Rose Bride has to anything the person who is engaged to her tells her to do. The Rose Bride is not allowed any sort of Autonomy or Agency.

(Transcript Link for Utena Scripts)

Touga:  The Rose Bride, cooking? Touga:  You shouldn't do such things as cooking. Touga:  You should only take care of the roses here. Touga:  This birdcage is your territory. Touga:  And you are the beautiful little bird which lives here. Touga:  I want to possess this birdcage, and everything in it.

Touga:  Himemiya Anthy is the Bride of the victor of the Duel. Touga:  While she was engaged to you, the Code required her to obey you.

I Love You:

What am I supposed to do now? If you won’t tell me, I can’t be me

Mahiru is also probably the most traditionally feminine out of the entire female cast. With her priorities being love, romance, and having children.

(Mahiru Interrogation)

T2Q1: What's your opinion on Marriage? Mahiru: It's something I really dream of.

T2Q10: Do you like children? Mahiru: Yup. I always dreamed of having the older being a girl, and the younger being a boy.

Mahiru is willing to do Anything for love, even if it gets her hurt in the process. That's what she's Supposed to want, that's what is Supposed to bring her joy, that's what is Supposed to bring everyone joy. (Mahiru T1 VD)

Es: I honestly have no interest in those matters.  Mahiru: What? No, no. There’s no such thing as that. Being in love is like a landmine. It’ll explode someday, you know? The only thing that differs is whether it happens earlier or later in life. It’ll happen to you too. Even if you don’t have any interest in it now, one day it’ll explode for you as well. All because you’ll have that fateful encounter with your special someone.

Love is what Everyone Wants and if you say you Don't you just haven't found the right person.

Mahiru: Yeah, yeah. You’ll deny it at first. I mean, I was like that as well. Before then, I always admired soap operas and shoujo manga because I thought that they depicted a world different from our own. 

Voice:  Once upon a time... Voice:  ...there was a princess grieving over the deaths of her mother and father. Voice:  Before this princess appeared a prince traveling upon a white horse. Voice:  His appearance gallant, and his smile gentle, the prince enveloped the princess

The amatonormativity in Mahiru's worldview is clear. People are Supposed to fall in love and have the Normal Idealized Heterosexual Romance and there's Nothing Else Outside of That At All.

Mahiru: Yeah, yeah. You’ll deny it at first. I mean, I was like that as well.

Anthy:  But I've been engaged to you, Utena-sama. Utena:  I've told you to stop mentioning stuff like "engagement" and the "Rose Bride." Anthy:  Nevertheless... Utena:  Look, no matter how you look at me, I'm a regular wholesome girl. Utena:  I'm only interested in wholesome boys, not a bride or stuff like that.

And Mahiru does a lot to preserve a "marketable" quality to her actions and behavior. TIHTBILWY is formatted like a magazine, something that is sold and bought by consumers. Erasing the messiness of her relationship or even Romanticizing those qualities to seem appealing.

Giving you love to the point of pulling you down It's just because I still get worried, please forgive me Even when I test you, even the times we do the breakup ritual, Is because I love you

Voice:  but because of the strength of her admiration for the prince, Voice:  the princess made up her mind to become a prince herself! Voice:  But is that really good for her?

The story of the Prince in Utena is one that is a fabrication, it hides and excludes multiple Very Important parts of the story all in the favor of portraying the Ideal Fairytale Heterosexual Romance.

Unlike Utena who chooses to become a "Prince" (which is a concept I'll get into in a bit.) Mahiru is trying to make Herself the Rose Bride. She orientates her life around who she loves, she's willing to accept a lot of abuse for the sake of an Ideal Relationship, she even actively downplays her intelligence and strength! Something that is explored in detail by this post by archivalofsins you should check out.

Now that isn't to say Mahiru isn't a horrible partner. She is, and this is why. Mahiru is Expecting this sort of incredibly idealistic fairytale romance from her partner, an ideal that no person can possibly live up to without harming the people they care about and themselves!

Do you really think you know what love is? If you do, let's just overheat together The things that I only want to say to you, and the things that I want from you Is love

My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care!

You can't live up to this and you shouldn't want to! It's an unrealistic and unachievable ideal with a horrific power imbalance to boot! Yet Mahiru is Trying to conform to these ideals, trying to conform to the unrealistic expectations of women and relationships in society, and that's why she's here in the first place.

"He who believes friendship exists is a fool."

So these toxic and unhealthy ideals and expectations are at the core of Mahiru's character and her situation. But there ideals are perpetuated by an environment that promotes this sort of behavior, one that isn't unique to Mahiru's situation.

Muu Kusunoki is a 16 year old teenage girl who is both a victim of bullying and someone who bullies others for her own gain.

She also might of had a homoromantic relationship with her murder victim.

Let’s meet up inside the pain, a place just for me Postmortem makeup to hide my heart, how to solve it is a secret The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”

I wonder who that reminds me of.

I'll get into Shiori in a second, but it's important to note that Muu introduces a concept that's present in Mahiru's story but is particularly present in Muu, the concept of the cycle.

Saionji:  No... I was to be the one to rescue her from the coffin this time. Saionji:  No! I am the one who will save her this time. The castle said to contain eternity... Saionji:  the power to revolutionize the world...

The concept of eternity and nostalgia in Utena tends to be depicted as a coffin, one you need to break out of to grow.

Touga:  If the egg's shell does not break, the chick will die without being born. Touga:  We are the chick; the egg is the world. Touga:  If the world's shell does not break, we will die without being born. Touga:  Break the world's shell! Touga-Juri:  For the sake of revolutionizing the world!

The duelists want the Rose Bride so that they can gain the power to revolutionize the world. Who she is does not Matter as much as what she can Give Them.

Now, this idea is particularly present in characters like Shidou and Kotoko who position themselves as saviors, not for the benefit of others but for what they Get out of that arrangement, thematically fitting the concept of the prince.

However, Muu is not the prince, she is not a savior. In fact she always positions herself as the victim, as someone pitiful and weak. (Crying B)

Muu: Hey… Prison guard, when you say “I”… Who are you talking about? Es: [breaking down]  Muu: Prison guard? Es: [stumbles]  Muu: Prison guard. What’s wrong? Prison guard! [shakes Es] Hey! Prison guard! Es: Shut up! Don’t touch me! Muu: [cries] You’re so cruel… I… Even though I was just worried about you… [cries again] I can’t take it anymore. I hate you, prison guard! 

Es pain and breakdown is caused by something Muu said, and yet when Es very sharply tells her not to touch them because their uncomfortable with it. Muu immediately starts crying and talking about how much They got hurt because of what they did, when Es is currently unresponsive due to what she did to them, albeit unintentionally.

Muu needs to to be the victim, After Pain shows all the bad things that happened to her and not Any of the bullying she participated in. It's Not My Fault is a whole song about how everything she did was right actually and that everyone else was wrong.

Now, Muu isn't a master manipulator or anything. She's an impulsive 16 year old. If Muu was a master manipulator she wouldn't be here, would she? She'd be still in school taking the honey up as she was before Rei did whatever she did.

Muu gains power by being pitiful and weak so she'll be loved, and by its' very nature it's self-destructive. She cannot be Happy because if she Was this wouldn't work anymore. She Must be in a worse situation, she must be the victim, or else no one would pity and love her.

I am innocent as everybody desires

Juri: You're just like Shiori... Juri: ...cruelly innocent.

Muu cycles from being "weak and pitiful" to being "queenly and powerful" and tends to hurt herself in the process. This attempt at grabbing power and love through pity Harms Muu, and she seems to even be drowning in a lot of self-hatred and self-pity, and is looking for external validation to confirm that she's "good."

But I guess some of it is my faultMaybe it’s ok as it is I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?

Hey, what if If I am a bad girl Don’t hate me. Don’t even try to proof from “After Pain”

And, in an attempt to gain power and control, Muu traps herself in a coffin.

Shiori: This is me, the real me! Shiori: And not the underdog that was living a miserable life in the shadow of the bright shining Juri! Shiori: The real me that surpasses the light. Shiori: Yes, this is the me that controls Juri.

But, it isn't all her fault.

Again, Muu really was bullied, horribly so if were judging by her lyrics in After Pain and the sequences we see in it.

If I was gone, If I had just disappeared I overheard, I found out How much I’m not needed

T1Q4: Is there something you hate? Scary people and ghosts. And right now, school.

Muu isn't lying about this, and Rei isn't fully sympathetic either, she did Hurt Muu and Muu really did want to apologize to her.

T1Q9: Do you have apologetic feelings for who you killed? A: The person who did the wrong thing first should apologize.

Shiori: Juri-san was so kind to me. Shiori: But I thought she was kind to me because she looked down on me, Shiori: and that she had pity on me for being plain and useless. Shiori: That's pathetic! Shiori: So I wanted to change my relationship with Juri-san. Shiori: But what I did with him made me more miserable than before. Shiori: I should have wanted it for myself! Shiori: But now... Shiori: Now I'm on equal terms with her. No, I've won! Shiori: I always had a place in Juri-san's heart. Shiori: I'm the winner! Shiori: What shall I do? I'm so delighted to know my friend's secret I almost can't bear it! Shiori: She suffered alone, looking at my picture in secret... Shiori: That was Juri-san? Poor thing! Shiori: No good! It's still no good! Shiori: How could you look at me like that?!Shiori: Why did it all turn out this way?

The school as a whole is letting a horrible environment of bullying and toxicity be left to rot and fester. You Really Can't create a healthy friendship in a world like that, it just won't let you. If your not friends with someone because you gain something from them, you'll suffer.

Muu: Wow, poor thing,.. I’ll teach you! Friends aren’t like that, you know. Rather than using each other for something, we just get along because we’re comfortable around each other. That’s all. Es: Well, I’m sorry about that. Muu: Haruka-kun is really nice! He accepts anything I say, he listens to anything I tell him. For me, that’s really comfortable. Es: And that’s… “friendship”? Muu: What do you mean? Of course we’re friends! Haruka-kun is happy with it, so it only has benefits for both of us! Es: I, as someone who has no friends, can’t judge, of course, but isn’t that just exploitation? Muu: Exploitation…? Um, I don’t really understand, but… I do help him pick out clothes [in return], and I recently gave him a hairpin I didn’t need anymore as a hand-me-down!

Akio:  But sincerity by itself changes nothing. Akio:  Without power, one finds themself merely depending on others to live.

Jackalope describes this relationship as a "Master-Servant" relationship and it seems like this is the type of friendship Muu is familiar with. She's emulating how her friendships were in school, just with someone else as the servant and her as the master.

T1Q1: What is a friend? A: Someone who properly listens to what I say.

Now this doesn't completely absolve her obviously, what she did was still Very Bad and even though she Breaks the hourglass in her MVs. She doesn't really leave it.

Muu does not want to accept responsibility for her actions, she believes herself to be justified and in the right, even when she has Done Wrong.

This unwillingness to accept when something she did is wrong and the unhealthy environment of Milgram that assigns strict moral value to people's actions and has no nuance in its judgement...leads her back into the cycle she was trapped in.

“A girl who cannot become a princess is doomed to become a witch.”

Now we've tackled the gender roles and horribly toxic cycles and ideals, so, what happens when you Can't work within those confines, or even want to break out of them? Just, hypothetically, if you cannot become a princess (which is everyone because the ideal of a princess is so incredibly unrealistic that anyone who aspires to be it would destroy themselves in the process) or Don't want to be a princess, what happens?

Well.

You become something Other.

Something Evil and Unnatural.

Something that needs to be Punished and Harmed.

So, now, this is where I have to mention that Utena as a show deals with underage sexual abuse, I didn't mention this for the other sections since they were not as relevant to those discussions. However since this section deals with the abuse received by the Rose Bride it feels important to mention.

I will not be referring to it in the context of Amane's due to how we don't have information in the text pointing to Amane being a csa victim. This is for the sake of Tact, as it feels wrong to speculate about it here and I do not feel like I'm the right person to examine this.

It will, again, be mentioned and alluded to, so stay safe and do what's good for your health.

So, Amane Momose is repeatedly dehumanized throughout her story.

This is a consistent theme with her, she is treated as something subhuman and terrifying.

In Purge March, Amane is consistently depicted as scary, threatening, or otherwise evil.

There's even a section in her T2 VD where Amane calls herself "evil," though it is done in a roundabout way while she's talking about Shidou (who I will get to in a bit.)

A: Both pain and illness are trials. According to our teachings, those who run from them are the worst evil there is. That’s one of the four great principles. No matter who you are, that cannot be forgiven. E: What are you…? A: Oh – speaking of which, there is one among the prisoners right now. An evil existence that’s trying to steal people’s trials away from them.

Shadow:  The witch roams this world of darkness even now. Shadow:  Seeking the young and noble, to sacrifice them anew! Shadow:  Surely the light presents an obstacle to the witch, to her dominion over the dark. Shadow:  Beware! Beware! She is still somewhere in this world...

Not only that, but Amane is The Cat, a symbol constantly associated with sin and impurity throughout the MVs with Kazui and Yuno.

And is implied to have actually Been asked if she was human by her parents.

(Amane T1 VD)

Amane: Yes. It is only natural for a person(/human) to apologize to another for breaking a promise. Es: … Amane: Why are you looking so doubtful? Are you not human?

I promise! A good girl that keeps a promise is like, mwah!

Amane is not to be considered human, she's even collared and leashed in her Prisoner design, the medal and bow on her outfits in the MVs being another "collar" of sorts.

Amane Needs to be Restrained and Domesticated or else she'll bring harm to the people around her. She isn't good enough to be a "good girl" and seems to Know This.

Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl

It's always "I can be a better girl" or "I can be a good girl" and not "I am a good girl," and the line above implies its impossible for her to be one. It's not something she can do.

When she gets punished by her parents its to make her a "better girl," and to "change" her into a "good girl." It is love, for they are not leaving her to die as an animal.

(Amane Interrogations)

T2Q9: What does love mean to you? A: To spread mercy with no limits.

But it’s not scary at all, because it’s love I can really think it’s great. See isn’t it a great thing?

Even though these punishments keep on Almost Killing Her!

It's what she needs to go through to be good! And even if she doesn't even believe its possibly anymore what else can she do? Run? Running away from trials is a sin! One of the worst there is! She can't allow herself to be more sullied than she already is.

Plus she knows this is love, she isn't scared anymore, it's childish to be scared of it.

Akio:  A child like you can't appreciate my ideals. Akio:  The Rose Bride exists because of ideals you don't comprehend.

Plus there's a sort of comfort in it, she knows what happens next. She idealizes Milgram somewhat in T1, believing that it's possible for this world, that resembles her abusive environment so much, could be Good.

Amane: Ah, I am looking forward to it! Seeing whether your judgement will align with that of these higher standards! If that is the case, maybe Milgram would be the right world for us to live in, rather than the outside world! Milgram relies on your judgement, isn’t that right? In that case, you could become the mediator for a far more righteous world!!

There's a comfort in Milgram's strict forgiven/unforgiven verdict system with a (theoretical) possibility of growth! And she later takes comfort in the same religious doctrine that Harmed her when Es does declare her as unforgiven.

If your so used to a situation, even if it harms you, why would you ever want to leave it? It's scarier if you leave it, you don't know what will happen next. At least at home, Amane knows what to do so she can get off a bit longer without getting hurt.

If you become a bad girl, monsters will come out This is the magic that stops that from happening

Akio:  Anthy, the sword. Akio:  That's right. You're a good girl, Anthy.

Amane's suffered for twelve or so years, an eternity trapped in a coffin. A cycle of abuse and pain and horror and fear. Why would she Ever want to leave it when what she's seen of the outside world is so horrible?

Amane: In fact, there have been people who said that to me. I’ve been told things like, “You’re being deceived.” “You can still make it right now.” “You’re crazy.”

People are always positioning themselves as stronger than her, people are always positioning themselves as smarter than her, people are always positioning themselves as Her Prince.

Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand. If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…… Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san. I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself? ……please give me back my test. It seems you don’t have the concentration levels required to be my teacher. I’m going to get Kotoko-san to teach me instead. Shidou: Amane…… I don’t think that’s true. However smart you may be…… you’re still just a child.

Utena:  Cut it out with that "Rose Bride" or "possession" nonsense. Utena:  That girl is an ordinary girl named Himemiya Anthy! Touga:  Is she? Touga:  Is it true that you're an ordinary girl? Utena:  You don't like it, do you? Utena:  Being the Rose Bride or whatever... Anthy:  I... Utena:  Go ahead, speak your mind! Anthy:  My mind... Utena:  Yeah! Utena:  You hate being treated as the Rose Bride, right? Utena:  Tell him clearly! Anthy:  All right. Anthy:  I hate being treated as the Rose Bride. Utena:  What's so funny?

Amane: You are treating me as a child after all. Because I’m a child, you believe that I must have been brainwashed. It’s not like that. I, too— children, too, understand everything! Please don’t just decide that people must be unhappy.

What she wants doesn't matter! When has it ever mattered? The people who say it does, don't like it when she acts in a manner they don't expect and her parents have made it Very Clear that what she does isn't important to them.

Any sort of happiness she could possibly get tends to come from things that are outside of her cult. And because of that, she isn't supposed to have them, and she is wrong for wanting them in the first place.

And yet...Amane cares so much about having free will and autonomy though, it's her main argument in her T1 VD and her biggest problem with her treatment.

Amane: I see. Then, are the things that I as a twelve-year-old think irrelevant? Are you going to cast aside the feelings that I know I have in this very moment, purely based on the fact that I have not yet lived for a very long time? Judging these things based on someone’s age will not take you very far. Do I, at age twelve, not have my own will?

That's the thing with Amane Momose, she doesn't want to be a "princess."

T2Q13: If you could be reborn, would you still choose to be yourself? A: Obviously.

She wants to stay as her, no matter what. In spite of all of this she doesn't want to be anything else But Her. Even if it gets her hurt.

Amane helped the cat because she wanted to, she saw it hurt and couldn't look away.

Utena:  Hey, save her! Utena:  It's too cruel! Utena:  Save her! Utena:  Save her...

And in the eyes of god, she was wrong for doing so.

Dios:  She can no longer be saved.

’Tis ordained, thou shall follow thine destiny

But again, Amane doesn't want to die.

T1Q12: What is the meaning of life? A: I think it is something you learn for the first time when you look behind yourself when it ends. I do not want to have regrets then, so I live on with all my might.

This was the tipping point of her, how much more is she willing to suffer? How much longer is she willing to stay here? Because she will die, it's not an if, its a when.

So, she decides, to break out of her coffin, and while it is partially due to how she was given a righteous reason to kill her mother. It is a crime that is mainly motivated by self-preservation and hatred.

Amane: Furthermore, isn’t it condescending of you to assume that just because I happen to be a child, I am incapable of hating someone enough to kill them?

Unfortunately for her, the audience isn't as willing to accept that.

I talk about it in more detail over here but we are Constantly positioned in the place of her abusers. From framing to her opinions on us, ever since we voted her guilty in T1 for the primary reason of "making her realize her mistakes." we mimic her parents.

Since she cannot become a princess, she becomes a witch, and is forced right back into that cycle she desperately tried to escape.

And Someday, Together, We'll Shine

So, that's a bit of a downer. But even so we have hope!

It's not exactly easy when the system built is so counter-productive to everyone's wellbeing and development that it often makes them worse instead of better.

But Amane has made a promise to live. Muu Does want to have genuine relationships with the people around her. And Mahiru has admitted her relationship wasn't as ideal as she initially thought.

And sometimes, you just need to see a possibility for something outside of all this to be able to get out of it.

Anthy:  What will you be doing in ten years? Utena:  I dunno. But... Anthy:  But? Utena:  But I hope we can be together like this drinking tea then. Anthy:  Yes. I hope so too. Utena:  I'm sure that'll be great. Utena:  Let's have tea and laugh together ten years from now, okay? Utena:  Promise? Anthy:  Yes. Definitely.

[erosauriarts]

Avatar x BSD

Warning: It’s canon related violence similar to in show BSD.

Atsushi - The Avatar

I thought it would be fitting since Byakko is implied to be reincarnating????? Also the Netflix preview got me excited.

AU Premise

**None of the canon characters from ATLA or LOK are gonna be referenced UNLESS it’s to justify bending rules.**

Republic City exists, but it’s less western base, bc I didn’t like that lmfaooo (Basically Yokohama but as it was in the 1930-50s). White people???? Huh?? Ig they exist now??? 😨

Lore Plot:

Red Lotus killed the last avatar because they wanted to find the new one, for some enlightenment reasons (IDK radicals man). The hunt for the new one wanted to take and raise the new avatar to push their own agenda. The man that did it, passed down his legacy to Fyodor (water), and he was the one to find Atsushi. Atsushi was around 5-8 and was from the northern water tribe. Atsushi’s parent was the moon’s spirits guardians (funny ha ha bc his’s design in literally Yin and Yang to Aku). Fyodor takes Atsushi, and isolates him with the other spiritual believers. They raise him, misinforming him greatly over what being the avatar actually means. Though he has a pretty good connection to his bending, Fyodor being his water bending master. They located somewhere in the north-pole.

In this time, everyone is looking for the avatar, but in like that way where you are like “here kitty kitty pspspsp.” And they even have a bounty for him. Bring him back alive ofc! In this, Dazai (Air) and Yosano (Water) are adopted siblings from a young age from Mori (Fire). Dazai at 18 splits off and becomes a traveling nomad, bc he fucking felt like it. Yosano was 14 when Fukuzawa (Air) saved her. Mori would make Yosano blood-bend, and so when she got free, she swore to never blood-bend again. She now uses her bending, and became one of the best healers.

The Armed Detective Agency works similar to canon in this, but has a specialized duty to find the avatar and turn them over to the white lotus. It’s extremely hard to get into the ADA, and forces benders to really push themselves. (In a way higher than the police force) Dazai joins, and is basically the ADA’s lost cat that goes away and comes back with something either helpful or cursed.

Dazai got leads on Fyodor bc Atsushi accidently used the avatar state when he found some new (and/or) prob figured out what happened to his family. Dazai basically yoinks Atsushi from the isolated village, running back on all fours with the weretiger dangling from his mouth /j. Dazai shows up, drops the avatar off, then bounces. Even though Fyodor’s spiritual training and water-bending was severely indepth, Atsushi lacked alot of common sense. Atsushi’s abuse in this is more intense psychological punishment more then the physical one in canon. He’s.. alittle messed up, but besides the point. Regardless how much bad stuff he went through, he was genuinely sweet. The stress of the truth tho, threw him off balance, so he is hesitant to go into the avatar state.

Atsushi’s bending teachers / relationship

Water: Fyodor. Strictly mentor and caregiver. He sucked at caring for Atsushi’s needs, and only was interested in talking when Atsushi asked about spirtual connection and Philosophical debates. Spent most of his childhood till Dazai yoinks him at 18

Earth: Kunikida. He sucked at it originally, but Atsushi was so determine, he ends up asking for help to connect. Atsushi warms up to him, looking up to him for strength.

Air: Dazai. The third one, and he’s stressed. Dazai runs circles around Atsushi, causing so much mental strain. Atsushi gets frustrated, and nearly gave up, but Dazai manages to get a mutual understanding.

Fire: Kyouka. Though younger, Kyouka was the fastest firebender. She constantly beat Atsushi when the Port Mafia sent her out. (He gets saved by the ADA a lot lol)

Character Mentions

Ranpo: A none bender. Works with the Republic City police force, but spends most of his time with the ADA. He actively helps them get around the police.

Akutugawa: Earth Bender. He can bend metal, and is actually really scary (..er?)

Chuuya: I go back and forth between earth and fire. And I think earth bc of his boom boom, smash kapow moments in canon. I thought fire cause hehe red.

Nikolai: Air. He’s that one guy that does flips and is nearly impossible to get a hold off. Boys a slinky. He’s Fyodor’s right hand man… they even… KISS?

[johannestevans]

On the one hand the Grey's Anatomy musical episode is so far probs the best musical episode I've ever seen of anything, they obviously got a great musical director for this, they gave everyone songs that were in their range, it's very well mixed and edited

Unfortunately I'm distracted by the fact that Arizona Robbins was so distracted on her desire to control and coerce every moment of callie's life that she proposed marriage (to give her LEGAL control over her as well as emotional and psychological) and crashed her fucking car

've never been so viscerally disgusted by a depiction of abuse in television BC like. It's obvious that while the Grey's writers at this time got a great musical director, they were going through some very pro-abuse and pro- coercive control times for these episodes

This woman literally wants Callie dead so that she can either fob off or fully control her baby rather than Callie being alive and having her baby delivered prematurely

Because she's so threatened by Callie having ANY relationship that's not about obeying arizona

And I understand psychologically where this instinct for abuse and control comes from - it's no surprise given that she's a self-described army brat, many people from LE and army backgrounds don't even realise how normalised their abusive upbringings and worldviews are

Arizona is also a deeply insecure woman, she's terrified of her own interiority - it's part of why she's so threatened and angry when criticised even mildly, but also why she becomes so irrationally full of rage at mark's LACK of jealousy and own lack of desire to abude callie

After all, mark doesn't really love her if, unlike Arizona, he doesn't feel compelled to scream at her and control her and order her what to do and take away her choices.

Because that's what love is, right?

And she wants his lack of abuse to be because he's a man

And yet conversely, in her rage about her lack of control in the baby shower, the fact that Callie was enjoying something that Arizona doesn't (and therefore doesn't want to acknowledge people enjoy), she has to insult mark's masculinity

Arizona struggles hugely to empathise with others because to empathise with others you have to be able to think about how they're feeling and why, and she can't even do that process about her own feelings

I'm sure that's part of why she's so good with children

Children's emotions are much more simple, because they're often quite uncontrolled and, like her, they are suddenly overwhelming because they don't have the literacy to understand their own feelings and where they come from

It's why I maintain that Arizona, presented w the sort of child I was - or many autistic child trauma and rape victims, children who seem too complex and too "adult" - would probably be disgusted and, again, irrationally angry

She has to to some extent fetishise the "innocence" of the tiny humans that she specialises in helping, because if she focuses on their innocence as special and unique, to some extent that carries to the "purity" of her own eternally unexamined internal state

I'm not saying shes not well written because like. She is. I understand completely every facet of why she acts like this

But she needs to be like… Not in any relationships. Just because she doesn't hit Callie (although I wouldn't be surprised) doesn't mean it's not abuse

I think one reason it works so well as a musical episode is because it understands that many of its cast aren't strong singers and either doesn't make them sing, or includes them only in ensemble and group parts

Like that was such a good decision that many TV writers wouldn't make - giving Owen such a big role in this episode is smth a lot of ppl wouldn't do because he's bland as fuck and no one cares about him

But he IS an actual singer, so it makes sense

He's not a very interesting performer, but he is actually trained - frankly it's a shame Eli wasn't shoehorned in more given that he's so strong in comparison lmao

But yeah god. After so many bad musical episodes in so many shows, what a refreshing take

Anyway they shouldn't get married and it's horrifying lol

But mark apologising to Arizona for the "you're nothing" comment is wild BC you can see that she just. Isn't computing it. Why is he apologising? He's right, she thinks! He must have a motive!

I know that mark sloan doesn't fix her, and I know that being in a polyamorous relationship and seeing much healthier meta partnerships doesn't FORCE abusers to realise how cruel or controlling they are and actually make them stop

But like. It is a start?

Like. Mark for all his flaws genuinely is a very caring and self-sacrificing partner, and he doesn't do that by just being a pushover, he's surprisingly compassionate and he obviously cares a lot about filling others' needs

It's interesting to compare his focus on baby Sloan and now this baby, as well as his intimate partnerships with Callie and Little Grey but even with Arizona, and his care about maintaining them and serving others versus his early intro "id be a shit dad" thing

It's really interesting when you hear him complain with the other cis men in the show about being controlled by women BC like. He makes the same complaints as Owen and Derek do

But unlike them he's not like. Doing schemes to control anybody, or not listening when they talk?

Like I'm not saying that in defence of him

I'm saying it's a fascinating cognitive dissonance that he's actually invested in his partners and doesn't dehumanise them on the same misogynistic level

Whilst also being more misogynistic re: sexual objectification than most

I think BC he's just so cool about sex that it doesn't make him dehumanise the women around him in the same way, especially given his like. Blatant unaddressed bisexuality

Whereas Owen and Derek, like many cis men of their variety, basically don't see women as the same species of human as they are, and see them as inherently lesser and therefore worthy of control and coercion, on some subconscious level

[astroninaaa]

Can I just.... cellbit suing these people on Twitter feels weird to me. Like they were just believing a potential victim and cellbit didn't exactly refute anything she said previously.

Like I fully believe cellbit and feel bad for him, but suing Twitter users that didn't know that sasa was lying is just odd to me. He should just sue sasa no?

okay yes yes yes yes this is a veeeery good point!!!! thats what i was saying in one of my previous posts - imo the BEST defense these people have is they were just trying to believe a victim, he never denied the claims, in some ways he even agreed with them! he admitted to making mistakes, said he got therapy and changed for the better! and he said all that regarding the accusations, so, like. it was easy to draw the implication that he was owning up to it.

the thing is that there was never any proof, never any investigation, never any judicial action taken against him, never even an official accusation, nothing. it was all sasa's words against his silence. and while yes people were just believing a potential victim, there are limits to things. i believed her for years. i didn't, however, harrass him online because of it. i think the only good way of understanding WHY he's suing specific people is to actually see the tweets, so i'll put some under the cut and talk about them:

[TWs: mentions of pedophilia, abuse, racism, sexual assault, domestic violence, suicide]

this says "here cellbit, a fan for you to abuse just like you did with sasa."

erm. erm. erm. i don't think i even NEED to say anything like what the FUCK is this about.

"Cellbit morally harrassed his ex, made nazi and pedo jokes in old minecraft videos and on twitter, now he changed and everyone likes him because he measures his words, why doesn't Forever get the same treatment? It's selective, admit it"

now, analogies to nazism and pedophilia are both crimes in brazil. this person is accusing him of both without even indicating any proof whatsoever? those are both very serious crimes with very serious punishments.

(i don't speak spanish bear with me. pls feel free to correct me if i translate it wrong)

"the hispanic QSMP community should ask itself if it's right to follow and support someone like cellbit, someone who abused his ex girlfriend, who is a racist and a pedophile, never apologized, and his fans say that his ex girlfriend doesnt want to keep talking about the topic but the truth is that she doesn't for people to keep associating her with something like cellbit, not that she wants people to forget what he did or to act like it never happened. being friends with roier doesn't mean he's a good person."

all the racism and pedophilia claims come mainly from a joke made over 10 years ago. again, he never got convicted of or investigated for anything. this is both difamação AND calúnia tbh

"people are calling him [forever] a pedo because he made a nasty joke lmaooo cellbit would beat the fucking shit out of his girlfriend and it doesnt matter, everything's okay lmaoooo i cant believe this"

there are actually quite a few tweets about cellbit supposedly beating his girlfriend up but sasa never claimed that he did that. she accused him of psychological abuse, not physical. so saying they were just "believing the victim" doesn't work with this accusation specifically, because they literally made it up and it doesn't match with any of her claims, specially back at the time when she hadn't accused him of sexual assault yet.

so interesting to see people literally admitting theyre accusing him of abuse without knowing the details

"people juggle like crazy to ignore the fact cellbit hit sasa, now understanding what Authentic said is impossible"

again, she never claimed he hit her. authentic is another minecraft youtuber who got canceled for saying homophobic stuff.

"is cellbit the one who abused sasa? i'm hoping he kills himself"

yeahhhhhhh there's over 200 of these.

the reason he's suing all these people isn't simply because they believed sasa - it's because they harrassed him. harrassed him, actively tried to harm his image, brought him up when he wasn't even a topic (like to defend forever or authentic) just to say he commited crimes without any proof that he actually committed. so while i think people will be able to say they were just believing the victim, the truth is that he has a lot of support to his claims of being accused of shit without proof. he even added documents to his action that prove he's never been investigated or sued for ANYTHING.

finally, regarding him suing sasa: i bet he will. i'm like, 100% he's already suing her. it's probably under judicial secrecy for now, and we might never get access to it, but,,,,, yeah. he's definitely suing her as well, i think he's just also taking action against people who harrass him online after seven years of taking it silently.

that's the overall i hope it made sense and wasn't too long asjkdbkajsbd still open to answer any other questions :)

[pochapal]

I'd like to ask about something you mentioned very early into your readthroughs - Ushiromiya Shannon being too obvious to be real. Specifically, how you point to the tattoo of the one-winged eagle on her thigh (incidentally linking it to sexuality through visual signifiers where Eva's being on the arm would arguably link her relationship to The Family more to ideas of actively changing the world around her - see also her establishment as a martial artist, and the values she promotes in George's Adultsona) as marking some special relationship to the family, and speculating on it making her a vessel for resurrecting Beatrice. Do you think given this, and Battler's early sexually charged antics around Jessica, that Umineko is concerned with the cycles of abuse it portrays being in some way incestuous? I'd also point out relevant to this question is Natsuhi's valorisation of Kinzo, use of 'father' as honorific for him, and complexes around her use of the Ushiromiya name.

(cw for incest and sexual abuse)

your point about the eagle tattoo positioning is interesting and something i've not really thought about! eva's being in a place of pride vs shannon's being in a place of "shame" is rife with interpretive meaning.

i hesitate to say that what's going on in the ushiromiya abuse chain is incestuous in the literal sense but there is a certain kind of metaphorical psychological quasi-incestuous dimension to the dynamics we see. one strand of this is how kinzo is chiefly motivated by a lust for beatrice and how that forms the underpinning of his existence as the ushiromiya head, thus tinging the abuse that springs forth with this lens. i wonder if there isn't legwork to a semi-freudian look at the misogynist abuse in particular and how what it does more than anything is work to turn these women simultaneously into echoes of kinzo's beloved beatrice but equally his perfect subordinate and heir. natsuhi strives to both be kinzo's perfect successor but also a perfect mistress of rokkenjima - in one sense every victim of the ushiromiya family simultaneously aims to emulate both krauss and beatrice (save for the men, who already have Being Krauss granted to them in some form and thus instead angle towards Being Kinzo instead) (i also use krauss as the benchmark instead of kinzo because there is a certain hesitance within this psychodrama to actually surpass kinzo - they want kinzo's approval more than they want to be kinzo), which grows complicated and unsettling when thinking about the duality in relationships that those two represent.

when you consider that the twin ideals of being krauss and beatrice are imprinted onto the psyche of every ushiromiya adult, i think it can be helped to shape specifically the conformity-based abuses we see happening. rosa tears into maria because maria through her neurodivergence fails to be beatrice-like (quiet enigmatic sexually attractive woman whose strength is only as an accessory to kinzo's patriarchal fascist power) which is a reminder that rosa herself as an outcast woman low on the pecking order (with a failed relationship) is also far-removed from the beatrice ideal. jessica's struggle comes from the fact that her destiny is to be A Beatrice for someone else's Kinzo and every part of her rightfully recoils at that outcome (hence her boyish affect and the way she doesn't let battler's weird jokes about her slide unaddressed) but because of her position she can't actually see a concrete way out for herself since everything around her only works to reinforce this fate - being a krauss isn't an option for jessica, so it's either become a beatrice or flee the structure altogether.

george's adultsona is very much an attempt at turning him into a reincarnation of krauss (eva's an interesting wrinkle in this because her becoming-desire is to end up as A Kinzo and not A Beatrice, which eschews the strict gender essentialism in these roles) and the struggle thus comes from the fact that you can't be a healthy normal empathetic human if you're throwing yourself into one of these simulacra. on a vaguely related aside i suppose this adds another uncomfortable layer to his relationship with shannon - he engages with this relationship through his adultsona, meaning that on some level what's happening is that sayo runs the risk of being ripped out of the shannon role only to be forced into a beatrice role instead.

re: ushiromiya shannon under this model i think shannon not being related to the ushiromiya bloodline is even more important since it allows the incestuous psychological fantasy of the beatrice-successor to be played out to its natural terrible conclusion without the actual literal incest part happening (kinzo hates everyone in his family because while they can all be successors they can never fully fulfil the role of beatrice - his disdain therefore would take on an edge of sexual impotency). if shannon becomes beatrice then she can be beatrice all the way by being a perfect vessel to grand kinzo his desire of a union between himself and the witch on the level of the flesh instead of merely the level of the financial. beatrice giving kinzo the gold several decades back is a kind of suggestive act of insemination where the "offspring" of the union is the financial empire under kinzo's name. everything in his life except for his own kids are the fruits of his interaction with beatrice - the one thing he failed to do was actually procreate with the golden witch. which i guess then recontextualizes his "oooohhh beatriceee i only want to see your smile" breakdowns in that his sexual fascist delusion of a bloodline springing forth from that which he desires above all else supersedes his interest in material wealth - he is only flesh and blood, and flesh and blood needs to perpetuate itself somehow. of course the real beatrice is dead and gone and all this witch stuff is a phantasm so if this is to mean anything he needs to extend his delusion onto a suitable target that can play the role of being someone kinzo can have intercourse with for the express purpose of producing a kinzo-beatrice child. in other words you need a "perfect vessel" that is fit to "receive beatrice's spirit".

kind of tangential but this model makes the function of beatrice within the context of the murders deeply interesting since the murders are being carried out by servants choosing to adopt the persona of beatrice. i'm thinking here about genji, of someone taking on the moniker of the pinnacle of kinzo's sexual desire and how this man with unnatural levels of devotion towards kinzo so readily and absolutely is able to step into the role of beatrice (perhaps this is indicative that this whole time genji has wanted nothing more than to be beatrice for kinzo and then his role in the murders is at least in part a manifestation of queer desire?). there's also something to kanon wearing the mask of beatrice, as someone who would be aware of the depths of the abuse towards shannon in the name of said identity. is there a kind of ironic victory in kanon parading around beatrice's name after kinzo is dead? not quite reclamation but perhaps perversion of some kind - there has been subtext in that one chapter where kinzo treats kanon with bizarre grandfatherly affection. in the event of kinzo failing was kanon to play the role of kinzo to shannon's beatrice in another incestuous act of cruelty, passable only because kanon and shannon are not in fact blood related? if so then perhaps there's something additional to kanon donning the persona of beatrice and then choosing in his final moments to reject both her and kinzo.

all of this is something i've not really thought about due it being a subject matter you're not inherently inclined to want to consider so a lot of this post is more me thinking things through for the first time so sorry if some of this post is a little incoherent or meandering lol. i do think there's some merit to all this, but i'm not sure how deep or literal it goes in the text. definitely a very interesting framework that's worth keeping in mind moving forward as another way of contextualizing what's going on with the abuse in the ushiromiya family though!

[pinkandpurple360]

To be honest when first watching Mammon's Mid-Season Special i didn't notice how he only snapped once Fizz said that he wanted to quit, so either that was just a me thing or you have a good eye! Tho i do wanna know something, going by your Mammon theory, would Glitz and Glam have been forced to perform along side Fizzarolli if Mammon still wouldn't have wanted to get rid of him even if they won and he didn't quit? Of course you don't need to answer that, and i apologize if this doesn't make any sense or you already explain it in your theory post.

Don’t worry I write very long winded sentences and paragraphs, I couldn’t possibly expect everyone to know if I had addressed something in them or not (I don’t even know entirely lol)

I find it so interesting that he genuinely enjoyed watching Fizz perform more than he was mad at the insult. And Oz literally saying it’s about him. He just kinda didn’t care. Obviously I make no mistake that he’s an unambiguous abuser with a twisted psychology though.

So yeah, Glitz and Glam would have replaced him.

I honestly think Mammon would laugh and then…be confused that he lost. Maybe? Or have his smile stay there awkwardly but be empty as Fizz leaves forever. And when he spoke to Fizz first he seemed to really want him to win. “Your competition is looking a little stiff” But why should he care? I feel like he’d stop laughing after he left and feel a certain way about it. Especially in a room full of Fizz merch.

Because like it or not (and I don’t) he has a very strong emotional attachment to Fizz, obsessively calling him his son. And himself as his dad. Nobody knows why he does this cause Fizz only calls him sir and boss. Never using such intimate words. Mammon would have to deal with not having something anymore, giving someone away, then being sad about it despite the fact he’ll make more money this way. Confusing himself greatly. That’d be interesting.

[crisiscutie]

Regarding the Sephology 101 course, I would like to ask about a basic analysis into the psychological aspect of Sephiroth. As a Sephiroth admirer since I was kid, I really love to learn more about the mysterious man

-🌹

Content Warning: Discussions of child abuse and trauma. Long ramble below.

Welcome to Sephology 101. The course is now open!

We know from the canon that Sephiroth's psychological aspect has been painted by Shinra ever since he was born. His life was defined by TRAUMA. Before he was born, he was subjected to harrowing experiments, the first of his many traumas. That's already going to heavily influence his psychology and his well being. That is not even mentioning other genetic predispositions he inherited from his parents. Being taken away from his mother as a baby was undoubtedly a traumatic event as well, and its effects can be felt in his life, even though he can't remember it.

Shinra has crafted him into the perfect SOLDIER. Dutiful, obedient, strong, intelligent. I'm sure they only gave him the bare necessities and concentrated heavily on the art of warfare. And like I once said, he must've had an immense pressure to always be the best. He can't let up or appear weak, he kept up appearances. I've read an official fun fact that Sephiroth was a full time frontline fighter before he was TEN YEARS OLD. That is tragic and wild to me on so many levels. I always knew he was a child soldier, but I would've thought he spent most of his formative years preparing for the battlefield and occasionally visiting it.

Being a child soldier itself is just a mountain of trauma. He was taught to do and suffer through horrible things, but deep down, he was seeking validation without even being aware of it. Children's love for their caregivers is almost unconditional, particularly when they are very young. They will do what is taught to them, they will modify their behavior to accommodate the demands of the adults around them and they will have a strong faith in the adults to cherish and protect them... I'd imagine Sephiroth lost this unconditional love for Shinra as he grew up. Especially when he was given autonomy as a reward for his growing fame, like the ability to wear his own clothing, decline missions, discover his own hobbies, etc. These all gave him a sense of empowerment. With this, he will see more of what others had that he didn't. There's also the factor of how Shinra kept putting him into one traumatic situation into another... No matter how normalized abuse is, you will feel horrible about what is happening to you in some way or another, especially if it's by something or someone as your caregiver...

Another psychological aspect to focus on is that Sephiroth did not have a strong social circle. He had very few connections. The four known and strongest ones being Professor Gast, Angeal, Genesis and later Zack in Crisis Core, when the last two before him abandoned Sephiroth. I will say Sephiroth was attracted to these four not just because of the familiarity and comfort they bring to him, but also their nurturement. They encouraged Sephiroth to express and explore himself, and let him know that he wasn't alone. They were his anchors. Being around Sephiroth often was a requirement too, and the more time they spent together, the stronger their connection. This goes for those who Sephiroth despises, too. They stood out amongst the gray and muddied world in his mind to become a person of interest.

What astounded me the most about Sephiroth was his ability to remain composed and devoted despite his traumatic past. He was often distant to most people, but he showed a special kind of affection to his select few loved ones, and occasionally gave this attention to the men under his command. I think there was a deep and innate goodness within him, which was unfortunately destroyed when the truth about his background and who his 'mother' was was revealed.

I think Sephiroth's empathy doesn't get enough discussion. And yes, he is an empath, even Post-Nibelheim. Let me explain: I think his empathy is rooted in his time on the battlefield, where he had to be vigilant and pick up on the slightest changes in his environment and persons around him. Great fighters are great thinkers. Outside of the battlefield, he uses his empathy to pick up on the feelings of those around him and to express his compassion in the best way he knows how. Even before he was friends with Zack, he knew he had a special bond with Angeal, and he felt a pang of guilt whenever he asked Zack to take on his assignments. In Nibelheim, he picked up on the deep yearning of his men, particularly Cloud's, to see their loved ones again and he showed concern for Tifa when she wanted to go inside the reactor.

Post-Nibelheim, his empathy is more twisted. Thanks to his time in the Lifestream and his Jenova cells, he was able to tap into people's emotions to inflict emotional pain. In my opinion, I think the biggest showcase of this is when he read Tifa's mind and created an elaborate story of how Cloud was just a Jenova puppet created by Hojo. That's a rather impressive feat, and he was so close to breaking Cloud then... His silver tongue is as sharp as his sword.

Sephiroth's sadism is sophisticated, yet viciously merciless. He desires to break others down and to project his own traumas and weaknesses into them. I'm fairly certain he does not think himself as evil and rather, righteous in dispensing the pain the world has caused him and his "mother"...

Anyway, there is much more unpack about Sephiroth, but that's what Sephology 101 is for. Feel free to ask questions or send some contributions. The course is open now.

~ TA C.C

Also, I called it on 7R Rebirth not being at the Playstation Showcase.

[a-doubleh-x]

Angel Dust was my closet key (but not in the way you'd expect)

This one's gonna be a bit of a personal post, so bear with me.

For most of my life, I considered myself a pretty hetero guy. I felt attracted to women, I didn't feel attracted to men and I was mostly fine with that. However, around a couple years ago, when I was participating in Yuri Jam, I came across a little term called "biromantic" and something clicked for me.

In case you don't know, "biromantic" is a term that applies to a person who feels romantic attraction for both men and women. Back then I thought "Oh yeah, I guess I am that!", then I came out on twitter, no one cared about it and I moved on with my life.

At the time, I thought I did for attention and out of guilt for being a cisgendered heterosexual male, and to be fair, I think it's a valid expectation for most people to want *some* attention when you have something to say that's comparable to that. A part of me also felt like it wasn't a useful discovery, because 1: I know of no men who want to date other men in a purely romantic non-sexual way and 2: I've been single by choice for a while anyways.

But all of that changed when I first saw Angel Dust on the Amazon series.

I was like: "Oh my gosh" 😳 That guy has a very hot voice. I thought he was so confident, so assertive, every line he spouted made me melt into a giggling 6 year old. And then I was like: "Oh. I guess those feelings were valid. I'm in love with Angel Dust" 🥺💖

Now I just wanna gush a little because I just think Angel Dust is such a cool character. The way he's portrayed makes you think he's meant to be obnoxious, but to me he's so proud, so bold, so brave for being himself. The way he flirts with Husk with such assertiveness is so attractive to me. There's something so raw and geniune about it.

Another thing that blows my mind is that, even though we know this "confident" persona is meant to be façade and he only puts face as a coping mechanism, the fact that Angel is capable of putting that face is mind blowing to me. He's gone through one of the worst versions of Hell I can imagine, he's been used, humiliated and hurt, both physically and psychologically and yet he's still capable of putting on a smile.

Needless to say, I don't intend to glorify the stuggles of an abuse victim, what Angel goes through is an atrocity and it shouldn't happen to anyone in a fair world. But the fact that that's his reality and he still manages to struggle through the best way he can makes him such a badass to me.

I also feel obligated to mention his redemption arc. I think Angel was always a good person, he just needed to right space to grow. From the start, he seemed very sociable and empathetic, it's just that he was too jaded to care about others. I think taking care of Niffty and standing up to her in episode 6 just came naturally for him, there was no need for a very strict guidance, just some nurture.

He's such a sweetheart! His interactions with Charlie in episode 3 are also so cute. I could write a whole post about his relationship with Husk and I probably will. I think it's really cool that despite being so different, they find a way to meet in the middle and come out as better people from it.

I don't know what it is about him, but I watched Angel on the show and I was like "Oh yeah. I wanna smooch that spider man" 😚

It felt like a big relief, because until now I wasn't ever sure if these feelings were "real", or I was just a hetero who wanted to feel special and not hated in the social circles I usually frequent. That's a whole topic of discussion for another day, I know there's people who will argue that heteros can't be the victim of prejudice and I'm not interested in arguing about that today.

I just wanna say, I love you Angel Dust and thank you for opening my eyes. Now I can indulge in my occasional romantic attraction to men without feeling like a false gay wannabe.

Thank you for bearing with me for a very special post. I was a little sick this week, but I managed to find a moment to write it anyways. I'm still working on the next chapter of my fic, but hopefully I'll find a moment here and there to keep writing discussion posts here.

Stay tuned! 🕷💖🤍

[abugwritesstuff]

hi! i’ve sent this to a couple other of my favorite COD writers, but it’s a psycho-analysis thing on guy that i wanted to share as im curious about other’s thoughts. i should mention that i am a psych student with a special interest in male psychological trauma and “toxic masculinity” (put in quotes because idk the scientific term for it lmao)

warnings for slight spoilers, i don’t believe there’s much of anything too triggering, just some mention of sexism in avari, and parental/generational trauma, but nothing too detailed.

(and j*sper jumpscare at the end but it’s just slander)

this also isn’t at all and excuse for abuse or anything of the sort, and that’s not what i specialize in either; it’s more like a deeper analysis of internalized sexism, now if guy did anything on the level of j*sper or got physical or anything, i would not be writing this.

so, guy starts off very controlling (literally using mind control), but when you play his route + events (specifically the ones where he goes to avari) a much deeper story unfolds. it is my understanding that avari has very different thoughts on women, and we even see guy tell MC that his father told him all women are cruel and only want power. i believe guy has been told all his life negative things about women, and that all he has seen was his father marry for power after his mother passed. we also see in a route that guy was much more open when his mom was alive, but closed his heart to everyone when she was killed. it is also seen that guy assumed his mother was murdered by other women. so, Guy has been told all his life these things about women, ever since he was a child, and never had the chance to see any differently as he never opened up to another woman until MC.

now this is where the beauty comes in. after a while, guy begins to truly love MC for herself and not just her power, and even tells her what he was told about women and says she changed that. guy was able to swallow his ego and be emotionally open to MC and begin to see her as an individual and not just a vessel for power. guy defends her to her father and tells him off saying that he truly loves her and no other, and it is not just because of her power, and that she will make a fine queen. we see him praise her throughout his stories and events, and through his thoughts we see he is truly a changed man who has changed his outlook on women through his love for MC.

although he is not yet open to fully sharing his thoughts quite yet, we see that he is actively working on himself for MC.

we also see a boyish side come out of him during these emotional moments, that i believe to be trauma regression and suppressed feelings that he has had to endure due to the excessively violent and aggressive nature of avari. i truly think guy’s initial act towards MC is due to trauma and abuse he suffered in avari, and he only begun realizing he was lied to and was wrong about women through his relationship with MC. guy is actually my favorite character because of this, and i think it’s truly a beautifully complex story that the creators made. also, i love how his toxic masculinity was turned around and how it tells the story that growing up in such a toxic environment can truly damage a man.

j*sper is a whole different story, bro is just a perv who deserves cancer.

sorry, this is about to be super rambl-y! i go off on some related tangents here lol

yeah this is interesting! i guess i disagree in that i don't actually think that the CoD writers have really fleshed him out as well as we in the fandom have and that has always been the core of my distaste for his character, and why i prefer him in fic form 9 times out of 10. 100% i believe he's traumatized by life in avari and the loss of his mom, and that his sexism stems from that, and because of that he has potential to be deep and complex in his flaws, but there's always a core to his character that just stays flat and unchanged, particularly with the event stories- he almost defaults to cruelty and rarely shows genuine remorse or legitimately, verbally apologizes*, complete with an understanding of what he did wrong and actual changed behavior. (i can distantly recall event stories where he does something awful, they have a relationship meltdown, they make up because MC gaslights herself into believing that she was being unfair, and then he continues doing shitty things??? like he's kinda emotionally abusive in some stories.) they do this this kind of half-baked character development with fenn as well, though his book 2 was a massive help in showing actual personal growth. i'm really hoping guy's book 2 provides similar evidence of change.

the unfortunate thing is that since i've been playing voltage games on and off for the past ten years, i'm pretty familiar with the archetype they're using for guy and have some serious doubts that they'll write him better. controlling asshole alpha male who has a trauma backstory and, despite falling in love with the MC, just acts like a complete dickwipe forever is pretty much par the course. so i'm a bit conflicted about the possibility that we'll get the kind of fleshing out of guy's character that we need.

as another note, the most i've seen (or at least, perceived) from guy as far as remedying his sexism is him deciding MC is an exception to the general rule that women are bad. he's had some genuinely selfless moments for her here and there in stories, but none that would really give me an indication that his view of women overall is healing. and that's the kicker for me: men like that exist in real life, and when the woman they've removed to the pedestal disappoints them in some way, they're right back to square one because they didn't actually change their views. and the sort of change that he'd need to undergo as a character to unpack that bullshit is pretty intense, which is another reason why i'm skeptical we'll get what we need and why i prefer the fandom version of guy- and why i prefer the version that you've presented here.

tldr; the material to make guy an incredible character is there, but i think some details are missing and the legitimate development we need isn't something voltage is terribly likely to do.

*to note- this behavior is extremely unsympathetic to me because it reminds me of my dad lol. i understand why others have sympathy for it, but i lack the personal bandwidth.

[booklovertwilight]

Venting anon

I’m not sending this because you think he has a PD, I’m sending this because i want to explain why he does not and is still a terrible person nevertheless

…ok, actually, I wrote it like a month ago right after intense arguing with a person who was adamant on him being a psychopath using this arguments (like “he killed people”) and I wanted a confirmation from some popular account that this arguments are bad. It was kinda cringe, now that i look at it

Thanks for writing back and explaining, and thanks for being more coherent this time. Part of why I replied the way I did the first time around was because I barely understood what you were trying to say. Here, then, is my genuine opinion on this subject.

Not everyone who kills people has a personality disorder. And, much more critically, the overwhelming majority of people with personality disorders are not murderers. From a purely statistical standpoint: P(A|B) ≠ P(B|A).

There is an argument to be made that Light has a PD -- though NPD makes more sense to me than ASPD, if that was what was meant by 'psychopath'. But the argument for that has nothing to do with what he's done: rather, it includes things like him having a really fragile ego (see: "you think I'm evil? I am justice! I protect the innocent and those who fear evil! I am the one who will become the god of a new world that everyone desires!" said in response to, literally, one single word of criticism), a sense of grandiosity and self-importance (expressed as a de-facto assumption that his own morality is the only one that matters), an extremely surface-level understanding of what 'normal' teenagers act like, and the way he so clearly bases his entire sense of self-worth on the praise he gets for his school grades.

Whether or not you believe the statement "Light is a terrible person" is a separate query, which is a lot more subjective, and has more to do with your morality than his actions. A pure utilitarian would see the (IRL unrealistic, but canon) outcome of his actions (that is, reducing crime and stopping wars), run some numbers, and call him a good person. Many other people would look at the sheer body-count and call him irredeemably evil; still others would say the same thing due to his motivations. I'm not endorsing any of these arguments, btw, I'm just saying they exist.

"Light Yagami is a psychopath (=has a PD) because he kills people" is indeed a bad argument in many ways, but to be honest, the biggest flaw I see with it is actually the way it stigmatizes people with PDs. Cluster B patients have more than enough stigma to deal with from all the people armchair-diagnosing their abusers with narcissistic PD or their overly-attached ex-girlfirends with borderline PD. They don't need people armchair-diagnosing their fandom's resident murderer with antisocial PD.

Ultimately, however much we as fans care about him, Light Yagami is a fictional character. His crimes are likewise fictional. But people with cluster B disorders are real. And every time somebody armchair-diagnoses a villainous character with a commonly-demonized mental illness, I (with my special interest in psychology) die a little inside.