#I remember a stupid thing and I laugh
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I know this is random but reading your blog and seeing your art made me so motivated I made my 1st animation ever (not counting pixel art ones), after not drawing digitally in months and it looks kinda basic and it isn't colored but I made it and I'm really happy with it so I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you for motivating me to make digital art again! I hope you have a wonderful day/night :)
MKJSJWJW HI!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TELLING ME THATS GREAT!!! Animatics need time and patience so the fact you went straight for it is so cool!!!! I bet it looks lovely!
Hope you have the greatest day/night too!
#I'm gonna go in a bit of a ramble in the tags because this got to me#but this legit means the entire world to me#i had ups and downs and good and bad times so its something i even forgot about for a while#but all i ever wanted was to make silly things and have those silly things be of help to someone#that has always been like. my main objective and reason as an artist other than liking to draw#i always hear about the potential i got to helping out in the world and yada yada and i decided i wanted to make it in the unconventional-#and small ways. i wanted to make people happy. entertain them when they are going through something. inspire to see things in a better light#its stupid and simple and something anyone can do but it was a wish of mine#hearing i actually got to do that gives me hope this can actually work out so thank you so much for bothering on telling me this#for a while i forgot the little things mattered too. but you helped me remember it#I've had people do art about ideas i had. i had people laughing with an art i did. i forgot those things meant the world all the same#and i forgot those little things are what had gotten me out of depression in the first place lmao#it helped once so i guess it can help out twice#thank you for telling me and im happy i helped somehow!! i'd love to see it! but either way wooooo!!! you make that art#well this was a cringe ramble lmao#might delete later#(the ramble. the ask im putting in my wall)#but yeah this is nice :]#ask#anon
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The thing that makes criston work as a character for me is that his whole deal is so so so fucking funny and the writers do understand this. randomly spouting disney villain monologues during his very few opportunities to speak standing around radiating sociopathic rage trying to explode everyone in the red keep with his mind beams
#as SOON as criston stopped actually mattering.... all in#in many ways it's exactly why cyril from andor works as a character where kylo ren doesnt really#where kylo's sadboy fash unhingedery is treated as like a serious thing#but it just comes off as incredibly stupid lol#but cyril is put in so many dumb little pathetic situations i genuinely dont remember ever laughing at starwars that way#they KNOW it's all objectively very funny to be a wet little boy with mommy issues#we need to let characters be silly again
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HEKLDLLFLTOTOPTPP{Y{PYP
@vrachis im not gonna be surprised when i find out that kiyo has you held captive next.... me and qing are the ones watching in fear.... @qqingque lets go qing its not safe here
#yes i am the one who laughs randomly#ONLY WHEN I REMEMBER A JOKE OR SOMETHING STUPID THAT MY FRIEND DID#i laugh like a maniac out of nowhere so yes kiyo ur right...#BUT ITS NOT BECAUSE I AM ONE I SWEAR I JUST FIND MANY THINGS FUNNY#“its not that funny bro” my goofy ass gasping for air on the floor#angel's rants#angel's mooties <3
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Every day I am reminded that 90% of my problems would be solved if I actually listened to my intuition like ever
#my intuition: 'thats stupid. dont do that'#me: hm.. anyway ! :D#literally it does not register.. 😒#ok so what i did that was embarrassingly stupid.... ugh ok.. eh..#its like genuinely genuinely stupid ok like actually#ugh#ok so im making a new passport and i assumed that since the old one is old i didnt need it anymore#and so i cut out the cute little picture of myself for my travel journal and threw the rest of the passport away#meanwhile thinking: hmm. well this doesn't feel right but google said it was fine so i guess its fine. anyway look at that cute picture :D#and now i realise that the police need the old passport for when im taking out the new passport#so yes. embarrassingly stupid. there u go#i feel not great abt all this tbb. my brain has a tendency to overreact so now im convinced im not gonna be able to travel like i planned#plus im totally going to passport jail for idiots who cut up their own passport and throw them away#WHY LITERALLY WHY#i just wanted the cute little picture IM SORRY DONT TAKE ME TO JAIL 💔💔💔💔💔#no but actually i do feel very not great about this genuinely actually genuinely </3#the curse of scrapbooking i guess#is there a way i can tell the police im literally a neurodivergent (ex)minor ? and that this old passport thing is very offensive to me#anyhow.. yes its ok to laugh at my stupidity here but pls also remember im fragile 😢 💔 a poor little meow meow or something to that effect
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Thinking about using the journal I got for writing my dad's eulogy for trying to process my grief with it. The letter from me I found in his lockbox is still in that front sleeve, along with one of the memorial folders they had at the funeral.
I think I don't want to write it all on here. I think I've talked about my emotions too much as of late.
#speculation nation#negative/#kind of. i guess.#the thing about grief is that it really just never ends.#so im done with the funeral. the time is over. here i am. hes dead. im alive. time to move on.#but it's not that simple. of course it's not.#but would my followers who followed me just for my writing even Care?#honestly surprised i havent lost more followers. or any? idk i havent been paying much attention to numbers#but i know it hasnt really gone down much if at all#i just feel. like im not the person that people initially followed.#and i dont know when im going to be that person again.#there's no enthusing here. anytime im making text posts it's about The Situation.#i wonder how evident my grief is to you all. i feel it in my every breath.#i havent been working yet i feel weak. it's hard to feel much at all.#either im existing and im helping with packing or im crying again bc i remembered my dad cant help me pick out a car now#(in the Vaguely In The Future me buying a used car idea. for after i get my license. whenever that is.)#or im crying bc of jackets or colognes or a letter in a lockbox or a stupid minions hat picture in a too-big frame#or laughing bc Dad In A Bag (his ashes are downstairs. im far too unbothered by their presence)#ive been having an... okay time. we watched Dune today and i started building a lego set. it was nice.#but im only ever Okay. emotions hard to access. interests certainly not accessible.#making it hard to be creative at all. im literally only going through the motions here.#theres no heart. i left it behind when i got that 2 am call and had to rush to the hospital to watch my dad die.#i left it behind when i touched his cold arm for the last time. when i walked out of that room & knew id never see him again.#i know a week is still far too soon to be over it. but im sick of feeling this way.#it still doesnt feel real. feels like im following the bad end route just to see. i should still be able to reload my past save.#but this is my life now. forever until the end. out of nowhere hes dead and hes never coming back#and it's just really fucking hard to care about just about Anything else right now.#i prommy im gonna use the journal next time i get the urge to vent about this. im sick of this crap too.
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I'm a simple man I see art inspired by the fanwork I made and I get so hyped I start vibrating like a microwave or perhaps a small animal
#original#big stupid smile on my face whenever I get to add more things to the dect art tag. makes me wanna do more art for em too#a bit unrel8ed but just remembered a friend told me last night they forgot mirage was an actual character and not my oc. made me laugh
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Day two goody haul @legendsconsortium plus photos from some of the panels we attended. I couldn't decide between the lightsaber and since it was a special day I gave in and got both. Got a few more books signed and bought some extra signed ones from the Mysterious Galaxy booth (and regret passing on one but can't do anything about that now). This was probably the most fun I've had at a convention in a while, and not just because it was my first one in four years. Everyone was awesome and made it so much fun. I'm looking forward to going again in the future.
#birdy goes to a convention#birdy collects nerdy things#my signed book collection is happily growing#and i laugh because i remember my mom telling me that at some point I'd have to throw away my 'stupid' star wars books#and now look at them#signed and happily awaiting to be returned to their shelves with new friends added to the mix#plus i have some new signed prints that I'll have to frame eventually#birdy is quite happy today
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Song of the Day: February 25
“Watermelon Crawl” by Tracy Byrd
#song of the day#I just remembered to go back and edit this song file on my comp so it has the correct artist#it was so stupid funny--last week-ish Duncan and I were talking about the playlist I'd made for him to veto things off of#(neither of the boys are any good at telling me what songs of mine they /do/ like so we've landed on this variably-successful strategy#where instead I make a playlist of my best guesses for their taste and then as it plays through they tell me which songs I was wrong about)#and we got to 'Brown Chicken Brown Cow' by Trace Adkins and I was like 'yeah you probably don't want this one do you'#and he was like *extremely flat expression* No. Thanks.#and I told him I'd already remembered to remove 'Ala-Freakin-Bama' (also by Trace Adkins. same album and all) so I should get partial credi#and he was like mm. sure.#and I told him how I'd started with my 'all country music on my laptop' playlist for scaffolding#and then added in pretty much everything I had by other artists he'd seemed to enjoy before#(Duncan's more tolerant of this playlist-winnowing process than Nick is so his playlist starts with a much wider net#Nick's playlist I was a lot more cautious with because if I lose him at an early stage we'll never get a successful final product)#anyhow so Duncan rolled his eyes so mightily at the mention of Ala-Freakin-Bama and I was like actually you know what#here's all the songs I have by Trace Adkins. tell me which ones you /do/ want and we'll pull all the rest now (to save your eyeballs)#and he looked over the whole list (about twenty songs) and finally he said 'oh! Watermelon Crawl! I do like that one. at least there's one'#and I had to laugh and tell him 'actually I'm pretty sure that's mislabeled. that's a Tracy Byrd song' and he rolled his eyes again#turns out there's actually no Trace Adkins song Duncan will tolerate! no respect for the artistry of the Honky-Tonk Badonkadonk
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#IM NOT DONE!!!#When my mom got sick and died- during that period I only watched Bonanza. It was my escapeism. It made me happy watching it-#it made me laugh during a time my life was falling apart around me. I was loosing the person most important to me -#I dont remember much from that time but I do remember how much I watched that silly western and how happy it made me#and that's what it means to me!!! that's why Bonanza is so dear to me!!! and it breaks my heart that I was scared to be more self-indulgent#with it. I was led to believe that I shouldn't like it. That I was strange for liking such an old show. My closest friend made feel weird-#about it. So Bonanza being my fav show was like... my little secret. I felt if I told people I liked it they wouldn't wanna be my friend.#Then Juni became my friend and she just changed all of that. She swooped in and just 'Hey you should be more self-indulgent!'-#and I remember thinking 'Is that okay?' She encouraged me about everything. About drawing... about Bonanza... she made it possible for me t#do things i thought were impossible. Like traveling to the US alone and go to a Bonanza Event?? She changed my life.#Made me realize it's okay to be self-indulgent. Made me realize liking niche and obscure things is NOT wierd.#as you can tell im very passionate about this#Juni came into my life during a very dark time and she changed my life and she changed me#and now im sitting here giggling and drawing this silly stupid cowboy from this silly old western#AND NOW IM REAL ANNOYING ABOUT BONANZA HEHEHE
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out-of-context quotes from our last dnd session:
"stoned at the mining camp" (my current nickname in the party discord)
"the clucklefucks" (my most recent contribution to our quotes channel)
#morrigan.text#morrigan plays dnd#campaign: balance of the elements#''the clucklefucks'' is so stupid but I can't stop laughing about it.#I was SO PROUD of myself for coming up with it#honestly it makes a good alternate party name#since our real party name (bad omens) sounds WAY too put together for our pathetic group of fuck-ups.#but bad omens is also SUPER fitting because it's actually a reference to not one but TWO in-game in-character things.#and we're really proud of that#the funny thing is that the rest of the party picked the name for one reason but I thought they picked it for another.#and neither of us remembered the other's reason.#so it really is perfect.#plus yk. we are bad omens#wherever we go shit goes down.#and no one can tell if we follow the shit or the shit follows us.#I think it's a bit of both.#but mainly the latter#especially since we're the subject of a prophecy and one party member is the ex-husband of a cult leader and we made a deal with the void.#not to mention the rest of the party's various connections to important people and events and all-around trouble.
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a canticle for leibowitz a book that is like a vaccine in getting you to forgive fictional christians for being annoying. i love you religion prevailing after the world ends and then starts again i love you the cyclical nature of man and empires and nations
#yes i cried reading abbot zerchi talking about killing his dying cat with a gun and then a shovel bc it refused to die#and kept trying to escape and kept trying to wait and die with dignity. and that he thought he should've let it#and it was unnatural to not let it.#this books christianity is less the death cult that it is in real life and more life is the most important thing in the world#and of course it would be. to a faction of belief that is the only one that cared to remember what led to the deaths of billions and to#protect the knowledge that was being destroyed because of it.#because of this it's less any sort of meditation on actual christianity so it's not as insufferable to read as something like. idk. ben-hur#and walter miller jr definitely does a good job of establishing this by having the characters have such different stances on religion/the#purpose of it than most christians do now. he called the 'poor artists' of before and their popular more feminine 'pretty' depiction of#jesus christ as like. basically blasphemous to him. very interesting indeed.#abbot zerchi in particular says this it's a good line#plus its very funny . genuinely witty and charming and made me laugh out loud#anyways. brother francis my stupid monk boy dont be dead girl be alive#a canticle for leibowitz
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trying something new where i just decided to give myself a sweeping presidential pardon for everything that i’ve ever done in my life. so now when a horrifically embarrassing memory pops up i just say to myself “oh, i already forgave you for that” and then just move on with my day.
#it’s actually kinda working???#there are so many things which used to haunt me that now i can just laugh when i remember them#guys i think i cracked the code#forgive yourself for making mistakes#laugh at yourself. it’s okay. that stupid thing you did was funny. it’s not that deep. move on. go forth and boldly be stupid again#mental health#self care?#self acceptance#self forgiveness#i suppose it’s a form of self love too#ro speaks
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#yall I got played btw 😂😭😭😭#in real life I mean#and I’m laughing but it’s actually so sad#but it’s also embarrassing#you’d think I’d recognise the red flags by now when it comes to the male species#seeing as I literally write about toxic fuckboy men all the time#you’d think I’d know what goes on in their heads#you’d think I’d be smarter about things#YOU’D THINK I WOILDNT BE DELULU#but I was#and now that I’m looking back at all our chats and remembering all our conversations#I’m like WOW WHY WAS I BEING STUPID#blind to all the red flags fr 😭😭#but I swear this guy was saying stuff to me that I make the guys in my fanfics say#like the smoothest mf shit 😂😂😭😭#I hate myself fr bc I haven’t even told yall the worst part#the part that makes me wanna DIEEE#he was………..#younger than me 🥲🥲🥲🥲😭😭😭😭😭😭#SNXJSNXKSKKS SOMEBODY SLAP ME#I HATE MSYELF#anyways#it ended a while ago I was just too embarassed to talk about it#but I’m finally coming to terms with it#😭😭😂😂😂😂
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I think one of my favorite things ab life is when you find something incredibly stupid and not really that funny, hilarious and can't stop laughing at it
#it's the little things#im still laughing at that canary post idk why but it's so fucking funny to me#that time i was on that super fucked up medicine that gave me mood swings i remember hyperventilating with laughter#at that stupid shrek post where it's some human kid character in the show? or something anyway and someone said that its some kid from ohip#and i remember finding that SO fucking funny and my mom was like wtf is your problem svsgdgdgdgdggd#marquilla
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mmmm was remembering things and like. ppl definitely tried to bully me in middle school but i just didn’t even give enough of a shit to realize??? wild
#remembered one of those mean girls try to convince you a popular boy likes you thing#but i just. didn’t believe them?? i remember thinking they were stupid and that i wasn’t interested in the guy so like. his problem#ppl made fun of my laugh too and it upset my younger brother way more than me
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🐰🧡🐻
#in stark contrast to most of my personal posts this is about me being happy and gay#because i need to just get it out my system bc otherwise i am just going to grab a friend by the shoulders and scream (in joy) in their face#i am dating someone and its really really nice and sweet and cute and like nothing ive ever experienced before#and instead its like every tiny little dream about this kind of thing ive managed to hold onto despite every experience otherwise and ahhhh#the lack of focus on just sex or sex appeal is so nice its like there but as a side thing so its nice and i dont feel like an object#i feel like a human person with thoughts and feelings and interests outside if that and feel safe in that and feel safe that everything wont#just be discarded if i dont want to do that like i feel like boundaries and stuff are an option! without jeopardising everything#and el likes me as much as i like them and wants and sees and communicates that they want something long term and ahhhhhhhh#i just want to cry like holy shit this is everything ive ever wondered about like i have spent so long wondering what this feeling would#actually feel like and its so good and so indescribable and ahhhhhhh#waking up on monday night and seeing them in my bed and cuddling me was just so nice i felt wanted i felt... loved#this all seems so out of left field still i still feel like i just never saw it coming but its so welxome and nice and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#my pessimism is still there but its less loud now its more learning to accept this may not be perfect forever but letting me enjoy the now#crouch speaks#it feels so nice to not be scared and to feel secure and ahhh#also it made me laugh El remembered me hitting on then at the Dgoals release show making them blush lol#i only remember the time i hit on them later at the groles show so its funny i pretty much used the same line twice and it still worked#i cant wait to see them again i cant wait to hold hands in public again i cant wait to be idiots who keep blushing too hard and accidentally#kissing eachother on the nose instead of the mouth because we are stupid and gay and pathetic about it hahaha#just ahhhh i could gush forever how perfect the 2!!! dates weve been on were and the fact they want more and more and ahhhhh#this is so lame i know i just haven't experienced anything remotely like this before and its just... wild#like wow holy shit what on earth i have been so increasingly miserablely depressed and insecure from the shea stuff last year and then this#just absolutely removed all of that i actually feel like a human person again with value
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