#birdy goes to a convention

[jedi-bird]

Day two goody haul @legendsconsortium plus photos from some of the panels we attended. I couldn't decide between the lightsaber and since it was a special day I gave in and got both. Got a few more books signed and bought some extra signed ones from the Mysterious Galaxy booth (and regret passing on one but can't do anything about that now). This was probably the most fun I've had at a convention in a while, and not just because it was my first one in four years. Everyone was awesome and made it so much fun. I'm looking forward to going again in the future.

[songonthewind]

Big Glass Onion Knives Out spoilers below, do not read if you haven't seen the movie!

Analyzing *that scene* at the end of Glass Onion

Someone has probably already talked about this, but the glass smashing scene! I cannot stop thinking about that scene because of how it DIRECTLY parallels Miles's speech about being a disruptor.

"If you want to shake things up, you start with something small. You break a norm, or an idea, or a convention, some little business model. But you go with things that people are kind of tired of anyway."

Miles has a giant room full of glass statues. Hell, his big fancy dome is called the Glass Onion, so easly breakable with all of its glass panes. He has a lot of it and it would all be so easy to knock over and destroy with one wrong step, and we see Peg almost do just that very early on.

And when Helen starts grabbing them and smashing them? Miles laughs. To him, she is a small, insignificant person who thinks she can get back at him by smashing some (probably very expensive) sculptures. But they don't actually matter - he can always buy more. They will always be replaceable. But she doesn't stop.

"Everybody gets excited because you're busting up something that everyone wanted broken in the first place. That's the infraction point."

The others start to cheer her on. They want these broken too. They wanna do something that makes them feel a little better, like they've gotten back at Miles a little bit. So they cheer her on and then they join in. They smash glass and cheer and you can tell that they're having a lot of fun with it.

Does it help anything? No. Does it change the fact that they've turned their back on Andi and Helen? No. Does it actually do anything to screw over Miles or reject the conditions of his monetary support? Nope.

It's just a bit of fun for them to take the edge off.

"That's the place where you have to look within yourself and ask, 'Am I the kind of person who will keep going?' Will you break more things? Break bigger things?"

They've had their fun, hell, even Miles partook and smashed the cup he was holding because none of it fucking matters.

But Helen keeps going. She doesn't stop at the statues. She pushes.

"Are you willing to break the thing that nobody wants you to break? Because at that point, people are not gonna be on your side. They're gonna call you crazy. They're gonna say you're a bully. They're gonna tell you to stop."

They tell Helen to go easy, to calm down.

She smashes the piano and you can see they're all concerned. Birdie comments that she thinks the piano belonged to Liberace. The glass statues were fun, but this piano is important and how dare you break it.

She smashes the bar cart and everyone is getting more worried. Miles is getting mad. He tries to bargain with her, asks her what she wants because now he's upset, Helen has taken things farther than she was supposed to.

And then she takes the lighter and sets it ablaze.

They tell Helen to stop, to wait. They tell her enough, that she needs to be done now because they're uncomfortable. They had their fun and didn't sign up for anything meaningful to actually happen.

Even your partner will say, 'You need to stop.'

The line about your partner is the only one that doesn't hold true.

Blanc was Helen's partner in all of this and he was the one who told her to keep going, he was the one who handed her the solid hydrogen, who told her to remember why her sister walked away, and by doing so gave her the green light (even though she didn't need his permission) to burn it all down.

"Because as it turns out, nobody wants you to break the system itself. But that is what true disruption is. And that is what unites all of us. We all got to that line and crossed it."

Helen finds the line - she throws the Klean fuel and everything explodes in their faces.

And then the ultimate crossing of the line, their horrified faces as they realize what she is about to do as she lunges for the Mona Lisa and it goes up in flames. Nobody wants you to break the system and everyone is terrified when you do.

Helen crosses the line, burns Miles's whole empire down in the process.

All of Andi's friends just reshaped the systems to serve themselves.

Helen is the only one of them who ever crossed a meaningful line.

[mercysong-tardis]

Meeting Alex Kingston in Moll Flanders cosplay at FanX 2023

Just over a year ago, a little birdy (@now-theres-a-spoiler-for-you) informed me that to the best of her knowledge, Alex Kingston had never seen a Moll Flanders cosplayer. And as an avid appreciator of the Miniseries, I took it upon myself to become the first.

The Miniseries, "The Fortunes and Misfortunes of Moll Flanders" (1996) of which Alex Kingston starred in alongside Daniel Craig, was Alex's major breakout role which led to her role on ER and her subsequent claim to fame. So considering the prevolence, I had to make it special.

I put in a LOT of work researching, sourcing fabric, internet deep-diving, and reading before I ever got started on the dress. The actual hard work of sewing the dress took a few months to make once the initial homework was done. Undergarments? Structuring? Patterns? All of these took a lot of guesswork on my part.

The original was created by costume designer, Trisha Biggar (Which if you are in the costuming community you will know her as the designer of Padme Amidala's wardrobe and the designer for Outlander) for the 1996 miniseries. The dress was constructed of fabric Trisha Thrifted in the 1960s in Sweden, most of which I am fairly certain is Indian Fabric specifically used for Banarasi Sarees. The dress is inspired by a common silhouette from the 1670s London England, based on common evening gowns worn at the time. Considering the substantial trade happening between India and England at that time, it makes sense that a dress is fine as this would’ve been historically constructed with Banarasi silk.

The original evening gown:

Sadly, I cannot afford to construct a dress entirely out of silk in this American economy, so sourced much of my fabric overseas and while I was in Egypt and Israel this summer. The rest of it was either Thrifted or appliquéd by hand by me. All of the notions and ribbons were Thrifted. I believe in doing everything possible to keep cosplay sustainable. There is a video on my TikTok which goes into detail on my construction process.

But once the dress was done, I was ecstatic, and It was time to debut it at a convention. The morning of Thursday FanX SLC, I got some pictures (in my River wig to preserve my curled hair) and this is how they turned out...

Then it was time to show The Queenston herself. I had been a little bit stressed that she wouldn't recognise the dress or wouldn't be very interested, but I held out hope.

Spoiler Alert; I had NOTHING to worry about.

Before I got to Alex, I got an autograph from Karen Gillan, who's table was next to Alex's. While in line, I was staring in awe at Alex, as she was just under twenty feet away. In between people, Alex glanced up to the crowd, then did a double take, and leaned over her table to see me through the crowd. Her mouth dropped open, she pointed straight at me, and she got all excited, and mouthed “You! Moll Flanders! Wow!” Time slowed down and I froze until I gave her a big smile (and I think a thumbs up?) and I was so starstruck that I was convinced I was hallucinating until she added “you look amazing!” still smiling, before going back to the next person. 

When I got to her table, she greeted me as Moll,and she said she'd "Never ever, ever seen a Moll cosplayer!" and I got to tell her that I made the dress. Alex absolutely loved my Moll Flanders cosplay. She told me it was the first one she’d ever seen. She was so sweet. I wasn’t anxious at all. I was so excited to finally meet her but I didn’t cry. I was actually so relaxed, which came as a surprise, as I have a track record of being emotionally overwhelmed and crying in front of Celebrities.

She was so nice and was so impressed with the dress. We got a Photo together and she ended up grabbing the shackles (is it even Alex Kingston without a cheeky touch?)

Then she signed my Making of Moll Flanders book and she flipped through it “oh this really takes me back. This was my favorite dress. The red velvet one. It was quite warm. I loved the big hat!”

For reference this is the dress she was talking about:

Then she looked up back at my dress and asked me “aren’t they fun to wear? Don’t you feel sexy?”

I said yes.

I was a liar.

I was actually incredibly uncomfortable but I would NEVER SAY THAT TO THE QUEENSTON.

So I just smiled and said yes. (I did feel sexy but 17 hours tightlaced in 1670s stays is not fun to wear)

Then at the photo op, Alex played with my hair XD

So that is the story of my most insane cosplay yet! I hope you enjoyed all you people out there on the internet.

[slaket-and-sprash]

Ok so I'm gonna say something controversial but...I love Birdo as a character but y'all gotta stop correcting people to call her Birdetta/Birdie. I don't think that Mario and friends would willingly deadname someone they consider a friend for the last 20+ years

Plus that it doesn't make sense for her deadname to be the name of her species (giving typical Mario naming conventions of characters sharing personal names with their species name, a Yoshi named Yoshi, Toad named Toad, etc.) also doubly so considering we've...only really seen Female presenting Birdos? And since we've only seen male presenting Yoshis, and since the main Yoshi and Birdo are paired up together and are usually depicted as romantically involved I think that it's a pretty safe bet that they're the same species, and the main Birdo was just born a Yoshi.

Also like I get personal headcanons but I don't think that Mario and friends deadnaming one of their friends for the past 20+ years is a very pleasant thought.

Also I'm a trans woman with a very common name with multiple different variations (I go by Alexa, but some call me Alex, Alexis, Alexandra etc.) so in that way I feel seen by Birdo? Like yeah she mainly goes by Birdo but sometimes prefers to go by variations like Birdetta or Birdie.

[0nelittlebirdtoldme]

I have an nfsw vamp question. If you’ll humor me. We see Lestat and Louis have sex multiple times in Interview with the vampire. And in the book. Duh. It’s implied that Dracula has sex in nearly any version of media we see him in. Edward Cullen and Bella must have had sex in order to have a baby, and of course you have your own smuts that you write yourself, birdie. So that leads me to my question: How does it work? Anatomically? For vampires? I mean they’re undead but clearly certain tools still work. Please explain, because I can’t compute

Please, we just talked about this yesterday on the server – also, how dare you use logic against me?

Either way, of course I had to make this an essay, so thank you for entertaining me. I will try to keep this PG friendly. Please take this with a grain of salt. This is just my own, pseudo-scientific explanation. If you have a different take, that is perfectly fine as well! I’d actually would like to know other suggestions for this dilemma!

Vampire Dicks and their Mechanics

First things first, I want to point out that there are some adaptations in which vampires do have a form of heartbeat; whether a normal one or it being, for example, heavily slowed like in A Dowry of Blood. That said, I am not overly familiar with the mechanics/biology of the Vampire Chronicles’ vampires – I have only seen the show and read half of the first novel.

Anyway, this is just my head canon, and the solution I most often use for fic writing on my own. Of course, I could just handwave this and say “idk, magic or something” but why make things easy, huh?

The Bloodstream

In my understanding, vampires don’t have a heartbeat or pulse. That said, they can and do bleed, so there must be a constant support, flow, and renewal of blood inside their bodies happening. I did like @alpaca-clouds suggestion from yesterday, namely that blood flow does exist, but it no longer goes via the heart, but instead is kept moving through magic. Perhaps because, as monstrous creatures, they are (metaphorically) heartless?

The Biology

My Vampires do have access to all of their senses. They feel touch and pain, but simply in a different way (for example, since their own body temperature is lowered, they don’t really feel cold outside) and are receptive to it, meaning that they have fully functioning nerves. They can, therefore, get aroused in the conventional way (direct stimulation) in addition to my head canon that drinking blood is for vampire kin inherently arousing. Since the act is very intimate, intense and sensual, there is little distinction between food and sex. Drinking from someone, whether human or vampire, can therefore very well result in literal, physical arousal. On top of that, I love writing vampire venom, which is transferred through a bite, working like an aphrodisiac - you see, there are many ways for a vamp to get hot and bothered.

The Produce

So; vampires can feel arousal, can get aroused, and stay aroused. Where does now the actual release come from?

To reference back to Dracula: Vampires can age, when they don’t drink blood for a long time, and grow younger again, as they consume it it. Therefore, in addition to the common trope of a fast regeneration factor and advanced healing, their bodies must be able to produce new cells, while old ones die off. In my personal head canon this means that they can grow (body) hair. Their nails, if cut, would grow back. If a vampire drinks a lot of blood, he will have to use a toilet, even if I don’t ever mention it in my fics (although, who wants to read about that, honestly?). Vampires can produce sweat, blood, spit and tears. So, why make the exception in regard to all things concerning sexual intercourse?

To sum up

Despite often times being portrayed as having no heartbeat, vampires can get erections and ejaculate.

[anomalyhqs]

did you hear the latest scoop ? we’ve got a new student joining us ! a little birdie told me that they’re called YOON YEONWOO, but they kinda remind me of OH SEHUN — don’t ‘cha think ? you’re probably thinkin’ they’re just another 27 year old in their FIRST year of some MASTER'S DEGREE IN LANGUAGE & LINGUISTICS, but wait ‘till you hear about their TELEPORTATION ! nifty, huh ? probably good to know, especially ‘cause i heard they’re HOUSE HAETAE’s new YIN MEMBER ! they’re pretty RESILIENT on nullivi, but you should watch out for their DEPENDENCY just in case ! anyway — if you wanna check them out, i heard they’re staying at the YELLOW HALL. oops ! you didn’t hear that one from me !  ༊*·˚

—— WELCOME, STUDENT! PLEASE SEE OUR STUDENT HANDBOOK.

TELEPORTATION  •  he’s able to instantaneously transfer an object or person from one location to another without physically traversing the space in between. at the point of arrival, the object or person displaces matter. the act of teleporting involves clearly visualizing the intended destination and imagining the object or person to be teleported presently existing in that location. he instinctively disrupts temporal flow and allows the intended object or person to slip through temporal flux. teleporting through temporal flux allows him to transcend conventional spatial boundaries and grants him an unparalleled freedom of movement. he likes to use teleportation mostly on himself, through isoportation or to conveniently travel from one point to another. he is most confident using his ability only on himself. he also likes to use it for convenience with small objects. he avoids, and is extremely wary of, teleporting to unfamiliar or far places, and teleporting large bodies and other living things. there is a lag between departure and the complete dissipation of energy used for teleportation, causing him to leave behind an afterimage. when he vanishes, in his wake, the air ripples with temporal distortion, creating a visual disturbance reminiscent of heatwaves and the area he used to occupy temporarily blurs; there is the sound of a subtle hum like the echo of strong breeze. when the object or person arrives at their destination, they materialize with a subtle ripple in the air and a whispery echo of a rushing river. the further the distance traveled, the more apparent these signs. likewise, the closer the distance, the less observable these signs are. these audiovisual telltales disappear as time goes by and the temporal flux stabilizes.

ISOPORTATION  •  essentially teleporting in place; teleportation on a small scale. this is how he uses teleportation on himself; his center of mass stays the same as he teleports parts of his body to a nearby point inches away. this way, he’s able to change his position without actually moving and faster than if he had. he can cancel and retain the velocity and momentum of his movement, effectively stop or change direction on a dime, and change his orientation and facing. this is the first manifestation of his ability, the application he is most familiar with and most frequently uses. though it still requires a tiny bit of focus to use intentionally, it takes up little to no energy, especially when compared to the focus and energy it takes to teleport entire bodies. when isoporting, his body or parts of his body, appear ghostly and blurred, as if he’s moving rapidly frame by frame. this is the effect produced by afterimages blurring together and the instantaneous disappearance and appearance of his body in a small distance.

REACTIVE TELEPORTATION  •  he has a passive danger sense intwined with his teleportation ability. once danger is detected, he instinctively teleports away from the danger zone. when reactive, his teleportation ability is faster than normal and seemingly inexhaustible. he’s able to keep teleporting his entire body quickly and consecutively, without feeling tired. this ability works whether he’s conscious or unconscious. if he’s conscious, he can control how far he teleports. however, if he’s unconscious, he cannot control where he ends up.

PARTIAL TELEPORTATION  •  the most offensive use of his ability. he failed trying to learn how to use isoportation on other bodies, but in trying, discovered he had an affinity for honing in on one part of a body and tearing it from the center of mass by teleportation. (eg. (mild gore) in a human body, he is able to teleport only someone’s arm, ripping it from the body.)

LIMITATIONS

complete, unconditional and permanent lack of control. moving through temporal flux technically qualifies as time traveling—simply put, he teleports by tearing away at time and space—however this ability to move a body through the temporal fabric is completely instinctive. he does not possess the ability to move a body through time to reach a point in the past or future at will. he cannot try to focus on a place and time in the past or future and try to place a body there; his ability and instinct to move objects or persons through temporal flux only kick in when he focuses on sending them to a place in the present. this also puts bodies at risk every time he uses his ability on them, as without control of this movement through the temporal fabric being traversed, they could easily get lost in time if he teleports them without proper and sufficient focus; be shot to any point in the past or future on their way to a location in the present, with no way back.

focus, distance and mass. though he can teleport to any place regardless of whether or not he has been there before, the less familiar a place is to him, the more difficult it is to focus on reaching that place and the greater the risk of getting lost or torn apart in temporal flux. distance is also a concern. the further the destination, the more dangerous it is for him to teleport a body to, as the physical body being teleported will have to be stretched across more instances of existence. there is a higher risk of getting lost in temporal flux, physically torn apart or destroyed in the process of teleporting. at the point of arrival, the object or person displaces the matter there, but only enough for all of its matter to fit in the space. teleporting to a place without enough space to accommodate the body will crush the body. though he does not need to touch an object or person to teleport them, touching them greatly helps him focus; teleporting a body without touching it is considerably more difficult. however, if he touches a body to teleport it, his instinct is to go with that body; it is possible for him to touch a body to teleport it without going along, but this requires greater focus. teleporting smaller things is easier than teleporting bigger things. when teleporting bodies besides his own, he is limited to teleporting those of equal or less than twice of his own mass. for example, if he’ll be teleporting another person with him, they will have to possess less than his own mass. this also limits him to teleporting only one to two people at a time. the dangers of surpassing this limit include getting lost in temporal flux, physically torn apart or destroyed.

isoportation requires a profoundly deep level of familiarity with the body it is being used on; he is only able to use this application of his ability on himself. though it comes so naturally to him that he sometimes doesn’t have to think about it, this familiarity with isoportation is a double-edged sword. his body is so familiar with the sensation of isoportation that it sometimes does so without his control. he becomes unable to use his hands as they keep teleporting from point to point, or he appears ghostly as he keeps teleporting inches in place. uncontrollably isoporting also makes teleportation of other objects virtually impossible as he has to focus on his own body. in this case, it takes effort, focus and some time—sometimes even medication—to steady himself again. uncontrollable isoportation is less likely to happen to him when he’s on the patch.

reactive teleportation is short range. it’s more effective the less control he has and the less conscious he is. the furthest he has ever teleported reactively is seven kilometers; unconscious. conscious, he is only able to reactively teleport give or take 120 yards. there is no way to train this ability. once the environment feels safe and the adrenaline has died, the fatigue sets in. the longer the ability was active, the more fatigued he is. to put into perspective, after he teleported seven kilometers, he was thought to have fallen into a coma because he didn’t wake up for nine days. being conscious while the ability is active yields more violent symptoms, like nosebleeds, bleeding gums, burst blood vessels in his eyes, prolonged fatigue and headaches. like isoportation, he can only use this ability on himself.

partial teleportation takes a huge amount of focus because it involves force and deep intentionality. it is the most taxing application of his ability. because of the force and momentum of ripping a part from a whole, the effort it takes to instantly perceive a new center of mass, and the fact that he has the least practice over this application, he has less control of the part’s final location in comparison to teleporting whole objects and having full control of where they end up.

[regallibellbright]

Welp, it’s been a few weeks, brain says it’s time to talk about Birdie Wing again! Today, I want us all to take a moment to think about the ending sequence. Which I have listened to quite a lot, it’s a lovely song, if a bit of an odd choice for a show as unabashedly camp as Birdie Wing. (For those who aren’t aware, it’d be Tsukuyomi and Yurrycanon’s Nightjar. Heads up, I’d be willing to class the first verse as “kind of suicidal ideation”, though the full song is at least somewhat less heavily depressed.) The ending, for reference!

I don’t have it in me to describe the entire video, but its opening visual shows mannequins in a golf store window, dressed in very marketable golf apparel, with wigs making them resemble our protagonists, Eve and Aoi. In the shots later where we see Eve and Aoi, they’re dressed in these same outfits. The tension of the verse builds until exploding into a burst of feathers at the chorus, cutting to images of birds flying through the sky playing over the silhouettes of Eve and Aoi, lying in opposite directions so that their heads are next to each other, nearly touching. The ending closes on a shot of Eve’s golf ball on the green, showing the pink wing mark on her balls, morphing into a bird flying in front of the full moon, shining above a sea.

The chorus has different lyrics both times it appears in the full song. Given the bird imagery, you’d expect they’d be using the version of the chorus that gives the song its title, talking directly about a bird flying freely in the sky.

It actually uses the second rendition of the chorus, the one that goes “If I’d never met you, I’d have lived in a cage deceiving the world.” (Translation courtesy of the official music video’s English captions.)

This can apply to Eve as well as Aoi, of course - she was adrift in the world and just getting by supporting her adoptive family before she encountered Aoi, who showed her what playing golf could really be like. But between the mannequin imagery and the lyrics, I tend to read this one as more about Aoi and the expectations of her mother and grandparents for her to be a perfect golf princess so that she can be a vehicle for marketing their products. Meeting Eve, who defies every convention of the game of golf, respects no authority whatsoever save “whether or not you can kick her ass at golf,” is generally brash, aggressive, and unmarketable, and also is the first person to match Aoi in golf skills and histrionics opens her eyes to a whole new world of what golf can be. That world includes getting a bogey because you hit your ball directly into a tree branch, sure, but it ALSO includes the very next day managing to hit your ball into the same exact spot where that tree branch was so that you can bypass the entire trap of the hole and go straight for the win. Eve is ridiculous and we love that for her. And seeing this inspires Aoi to go off-script and behave in ways that aren’t designed to be perfectly palatable and marketable, breaking free of her cage.

What I’m saying is, if the show DOES pull the rug out from under us and reveal they’re sisters, it’s obviously going to weaken the story because then Athena just has TWO golf prodigies to try and market as they resist these attempts (newcomer Eve being even less agreeable than Aoi), but also the ending sequence is contextually gay as hell and if it gets walked back they are cowards.

[fzzr]

Why Do I Only Like Sports Anime When They're Weird?

In general I am not a fan of sports anime. If the show is about getting the team together to show skill matters more than expensive gear, or we're unbeatable if we just work together, etc. I usually don't even bother to sample it anymore. However, my list of anime watched and rated highly is not bereft of things that happen on courses, tracks, and unconventional fields of play. So let's talk about lesbian golfers, horse girls, and beating the shit out of people for discount lunches.

Reviews

Birdie Wing: Golf Girls' Story is a 2022 anime about the most unethical sport that doesn't involve non-human animals. Now, I wouldn't watch golf even if it wasn't boring as shit, just in protest of the amount of land and water it wastes. I will admit that if real golf was like the sport of the same name in Birdie Wing, I would be more sorely tempted. You see, the protagonist of Birdie Wing isn't just a golfer, she's a golfer who plays underground matches for money, and the mob. Yes, in this setting gangsters work out their differences using golf duels (also sometimes regular violence, but golf first). Mobsters not being overburdened with an abundance of principles, they obviously cheat a whole lot, and our protagonist, Eve, just wants a good clean game.

Her world changes when she falls in rivalry with aspiring professional golfer Aoi. From here Eve works to escape from her crime-adjacent life and follow Aoi into the world of "real" golf. Along the way she faces off with such characters as "definitely not a vampire" and "don't worry at all about how mechanically perfect my play is". Birdie Wing has everything you would expect from a sports anime. There are our two leads with their different philosophical approaches to the game as they clash and cooperate. There's the example of how two good players don't just make a good team. There are the characters who will do anything to win, and those who just want to play.

This show has some absolutely wild moments, both of comedy and of emotional impact. Homoeroticism between rivals in a sports anime is by no means innovative, but the way Birdie Wing goes about it is distinct. I don't want to spoil how it happens, but I was so invested in their relationship by episode 4 that a particular moment hit me like a sack of bricks.

Birdie Wing: Golf Girls' Story is 8/10. It's just a little violent and just a little lewd, but there are sports anime that go further. I bet they're not this funny. Give it a try, especially if you want something wacky to watch while a little drunk.

Uma Musume: Pretty Derby is a 2018 anime about an unethical sport that does involve non-human animals. Specifically, each season of Uma Musume follows the actual career of a real life Japanese race horse... except instead of a horse it's about a horse girl with the same name. Also they're idols sometimes. Don't worry about it, it only comes up a few times. Given that it's built on a substrate of real life events, it really is crazy how much they manage to squeeze out of the plotlines. Most of the charm comes from the titular horse girls, of course. They're all fun characters, and even though the themes of hard work and believing in yourself are conventional the execution is solid all around.

Uma Musume: Pretty Derby (both seasons) is 8/10. It's wholesome as hell, pretty much a show for everyone.

Ben-To is a 2011 anime about the highly ethical sport of beating people up in supermarkets. The titular bento are pre-made lunches made and sold daily by markets and convenience stores. Come dinner time, the stores need to clear out stock, so everything goes on sale. As soon as the discount stickers are applied and the staff are safely out of the way, the game starts. The rules are simple: If you get your hands on a bento, it's yours. Take only one. Speed, subterfuge, or brute force - use whatever you want to get that half-price lunch.

Given the... unconventional... premise, it takes a bit of extra work to make it clear that this IS a sports anime. The freeform nature of the brawls means no single collection of sports tropes applies. It's not martial arts, but there is an emphasis on the value of personal excellence and motivation. The protagonists are solo players, "wolves", who fight for honor and always go for the most premium bento on the shelf. There are "dogs" who work as a team, and "boars" who break the social contract, so shifting alliances form even among those who normally square off. There are cross-town rivalries and places where bad blood from past events impacts the tenor of the sport. Retired players give the newcomers advice and instruct them on the philosophy of the game.

Ben-To is 8/10. (It would have been 9/10 if it didn't get distracted by anime tiddy for a few episodes). The concept is wild, the action is great, and it's just a fun time all around. It has some parts that require an elevated power level (if you know what a "fujoshi" is you have the prerequisites) so you can't show it to just anyone, but I think almost anyone can have fun with it.

OK but why though

So, why is it that I find the WE GOTTA DO IT FOR THE SENPAIS and IF WE BELIEVE IN EACH OTHER WE CAN BEAT ANYONE of conventional sports anime boring, but these all do it for me? One thing they have in common is that they're not depicting a real game being played in a real way - the unfamiliarity clearly adds something to the experience. I do think each of them shows how to make sports anime good in a different way, though.

Birdie Wing takes golf as a stepping off point, but chooses not to limit itself by the rules of reality. The tools and terms are what you have overheard people talk about when clubball is in the news for some reason, but also Eve calls out special move names and a mob boss spent millions of dollars on a reconfigurable subterranean golf course. In essence, this is a sports anime that chooses to indulge in what you might call "anime bullshit" and does it well.

Uma Musume is about running. It's truly impressive where the strategic complexity is found - different turf, different training patterns - but the sport itself isn't the source of the hyperreality. Instead, it's everything else. The characters use the actual names of the horses they're based on, so you have Special Week looking up to senpai Silence Suzuka. The designs and personalities are strong and distinct. There's nothing revolutionary about wanting to get a sports scholarship to a school in the big city because you want to play, with the school being secondary. It's just that there's this whole unstated bit of worldbuilding where oh yeah, these are horse girls who dream of growing up to be like their role model horse girls and be famous horse girl idols and horse girl champions.

Ben-To is the Chaotic Good of sports anime. It doesn't go off the rails, because it's too busy assuming you understand that of course grocery stores keep first aid stations in the back in case of concussions during the nightly refrigerator section brawls to be on rails in the first place. The freedom granted by the premise lets it pick and choose the best parts of sports anime without being beholden to the mundane things that hold the genre back. It doesn't have to deal with the heartbeat of a school year or tournament season schedule. All it takes to introduce a new twist is to brawl at a different market or have someone new show up to yours.

No seriously, why?

After stepping through all that, I think the answer is simple and a bit unsatisfying. I like weird sports anime because of the weird, not because of the sports. Weird anime are just fun, and taking something I find less fun and weirding it up means I get a bit of extra unfamiliarity from the weirdness.

[bebepac]

The Double Date Mistake?

I am participating in @wackydrabbles​ prompt # 92 “I don’t think that was meant to go there.” will appear in bold.

This is also chapter 2 of The Meet:  To catch up on what you’ve been missing of the Meet so far Please click:  The Meet Masterlist

Original Post Date: 05/01/2021 at 3:15PM

The Book:  TRR

The Pairing:  Liam x F!OC (Liam x Jilian) 

Word Count: 1948

Summary: Jilian goes on a double date with Bebe and meets Leo for the very first time.  Jilian and Bebe share how they first met each other to the guys.  

Warnings: Sexual innuendos.  Profanity.  

Leo and Liam belong to pixelberry, Jilian belongs to @queenjilian borrowed for the duration of this series. All others are my own to help us tell the story.  

“And done. He has your number now Jili. Now fly my little birdies fly.”  

She thought he would text right away but he didn’t.  The whole way to Bebe’s apartment the twenty minute drive Jili’s phone was silent.

Bebe looked at Jili as she glanced at her phone.  What the actual hell?

She texted Jilian.

“Bebe why the hell are you texting me? I’m sitting right next to you?”

“I was just making sure your phone was on.”  

“I mean he’s still working Bebe.  He can’t just drop everything and just start texting away.”

“The hell he can’t. What in the actual fuck is wrong with you bruh?” Bebe grumbled as she angrily typed on her phone.

“Wing Woman are you trying to crash this plane?”

“The mother  hasn’t even taken off yet with you two trying to pilot it. I’m gonna need you to get your life together Jili.”  

The driver pulled to a stop. “Damn I really wanted to see how this turned out.”

Bebe got out of the car in a huff.

“I’ll let you know.”   Jili called out the window to her.

Jilian wasn’t going to let it stress her out.  He was still at work. She knew her job got busy at times, and she couldn’t just sit on her phone and do nothing.  As she was walking up the stairs to scan her door key fob, the phone rang.

It was a local number she didn’t recognize.

“Hello?”

“Jilian. It’s Liam.”

“Hi Liam.”

“I apologize for not texting or calling sooner.  Things got busy at work.”

“Oh I figured that was what happened.”  

"Bebe is something else. I feel a little attacked. I can tell it's from a place of love though."

"She's my best friend Liam. My true sister from another mister."

"So it's safe to assume you are single?" Liam inquired.

"I am, and for you the same?"

"Yes Jilian I am. Is it forward of me to say maybe we can change that for each other. I would really like to see you again. I'm off next Friday would you be free then?"

Jilian sighed.

"Friday is my date night."

"Oh. I just assumed you being single you weren’t seeing anybody even casually."

"With Bebe. We restaurant hop. We're self proclaimed foodies. 

Do you have any friends maybe we could double?”

“My brother, both him and Bebe have big personalities, I think they’d really get along.  Think she would be okay with that?”

“Yeah I think I could convince her.”  

They continued to talk, and about everything under the sun.  Liam was funny and witty and kept her attention.

She began to realize how much she had in common with the charming Liam Rys.  

She had cuddled into her bed under her covers laughing and chatting with him.  She finally rolled over realizing it was almost dawn.

“Oh my God! Is that the sun?!?!?!” she shrieked, surprised into the phone.

“I’m so sorry Jilian I completely lost track of time.”

“I have to go, I have to be at work in forty five minutes!!!”

Jilian said her goodbyes to Liam and hurried to work.  

Right when Jilian was sitting in her office reading over her chart  for her first patient’s checkup, there was a delivery.  

A large coffee drink had been delivered to her with a sweet gooey cinnamon bun.

“Gift for you Jilian Winchester.”  

Liam was really sweet.

She texted him thank you.

He had let her know he had an extra espresso shot added to her coffee.

Liam was a lifesaver.  

*^*^*^*^* The Double Date *^**^*^*^*

When Jili and Bebe got to the restaurant  Liam and Leo were already seated at the table both stood to greet them.  

Liam softly kissed  Jili’s cheek.  

Bebe glanced at Leo.  He was cute, but he was probably about five inches shorter than Bebe, not to mention Bebe was wearing heels making her tower over Leo.

Liam changed the subject breaking the ice between everyone, and the conversation between the couples started flowing.  

Jilian slipped in the subject of Liam and Leo honestly not looking much like each other.  

“We’re half brothers, we have different mothers. But don’t get it twisted Bebe.  I can scale you like Mount Everest. Taller women don’t intimidate me one bit.”

“Um….thank you for that blatant honesty…. Jili will you accompany me to the restroom please?”  

“Excuse us for a moment.”  Jili smiled politely.  

“Absolutely not Jili!!!!!”  Bebe was adamant when the door to the bathroom closed.  

“Bebe I didn’t know!  I swear when he said older brother, I was thinking he looked like him.  You would think older brothers are taller, bigger, and wiser. He is funny though.  You two do have similar personalities. Maybe try to focus on that Bee.  Let’s just try to have a fun time.  You don’t have to see Leo again.  But I know I want to see Liam again. I like him.”  

“You owe me big for this!!!”

Both women come back to the table.  Their drink orders had arrived.  Bebe takes a long sip on her drink.  

“That’s what I’m talking about!”  Leo smiled.  “A girl after my own heart.”  

“How did you and Bebe meet Jilian?”  

“We actually met in NOLA. We were both presenting at a medical conference.  Bebe for the Pharma side, because she’s a pharmacist,  and me for medical for being a nurse practitioner focused in the at risk population.”

Leo eyes flit to Bebe.

“So you’re a drug dealer?”  

Bebe smiled.  “ Legal Drug Dealer. Yep, that’s what I call myself. I’m slinging pills to pay the bills.”  

“I can dig it.”  

“We met the night before our conference began, in a bar.”  

When Jilian walked into the bar she noticed her right away.  There was a woman at the bar,  drinking her drink telling what appeared to be a funny story that had multiple people’s attention.  All were laughing with her.   She had to be a local. Jili thought.  

She had strings of beads around her neck.  

“What can I get ya?”  the bartender asked.  

She looked at Bebe.  “I want whatever she’s having.”  Bebe was the life of the party.  

“Well I did a little pre-gaming at the drive through daiquiri shop though. 

But mostly Hurricanes.  Get her a Hurricane Sal.”  

The bartender winked at Bebe.  

“Don’t skimp on the good stuff either!”  She yelled out.

Jilian’s eyes widened when the bartender  brought her the drink.

Bebe held up her glass to clink with Jilian’s glass.

“Laissez le bon temps rouler!!!!!”   The crowd screamed in agreement at Bebe’s declaration.

“What?”  

“LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!!!!!”  

Jilian took a long drink of the cocktail.  No wonder.  

“Yep! You like it.  I’m Bebe, what’s your name?”

“Jilian.”  

“I’m gonna call you Jili.  What brings you to NOLA?”  

“Work, a conference.”  

“Bleh you said the “W.” word.  That’s not existing in my life right now.  We’re here, we’re alive, no regrets Jili.  Let your hair down and enjoy yourself.  I mean literally.  That bun is a buzz kill.”  

Jili pulled the pins out of her hair shaking out her locks.  

“So much better!!!! You’re a babe!!!  See they’re already looking at you differently.  We’re not interested though.  Unless they’re buying more drinks.”  

Jili glanced at the guys that were now looking in her direction.  

“You’ve got a lot of bead necklaces going on.”   Jili commented.  

“There are two ways to get beads in NOLA.  Buy them or earn them.”

Jili looked at Bebe and raised her eyebrow with a smile.

“Let me guess, your ass hasn’t spent a dime tonight.”  

Bebe took a long sip of her hurricane.  

“Nope.  Not a single dime.  Including alcohol.  I'll tell you what Jili.  Life’s too short.  I’m not going to regret any of my choices.  I spent a year in Costa Rica, living my life Pura Vida.”

“Pure Life.”  Jilian smiled.  Bebe was a carefree spirit, and people gravitated to her.

“We’re only here for a blink Jili.  How do you want your story to be told?”

She decided to throw caution to the wind and party the night away with Bebe.

Jilian’s alarm went off the next morning.  She was incredibly hung over as she tried to pull herself together.  

She had a random memory of her and Bebe walking down  Bourbon Street singing “Lean on Me”  while they were linked arm and arm.  The drunk leading the more drunk back to the hotel.

She smiled, straightening her black business suit.  She was about to pull her hair up into her signature bun but decided to let her tresses fall free instead.  

As she was getting checked into the convention she slipped her ID badge and program of speakers, herself among the list.  

She heard her laugh.  Jili whipped her head around and saw Bebe at the back of the line with two others.  Bebe was wearing a bright pink business suit, and her shoes and clutch had the print of medications on it.  

“The legal drug dealers have arrived!!!! Big Pharma in da house!!!!!!”  

Jili laughed, shaking her head.  

“That’s how we met Liam.”  

“We found out later we lived near each other, and made plans to meet up.  Been friends ever since.  That was like six years ago.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t ask us how we met.”  Leo asked.

“I assume you are brothers…. You met… at birth?”

Bebe shook her head at Leo.

Everyone was calm after not to mention the alcohol free flowing.  They headed to  a lounge after dinner, called Blue Notes.  The music there was full of soul and blues.  

The drinks continued. The music there stirred the soul.  

“May I have this dance?”  Jili nodded, taking Liam’s hand.   He held her close.  

Leo eyed Bebe.   “You know, I have always been one to have a huge case of FOMO.  So you and me let’s hit the dance floor too.”  

Bebe downed her drink in one swallow.  “Why the hell not.”  

They walked out to the dance floor.  With Bebe’s high heels Leo was chest level to her.  He pulled her close resting his head on her bosom.

“Um….so we’re doing this… okay…”  Bebe looked surprised but she was smiling.

Liam laughed softly when he glanced in their direction.

“I don’t think that was meant to go there.”  

“The height difference honestly never crossed my mind Jilian.  Things seemed really awkward for them for a bit, for more so Bebe.  Not so awkward now.”  

Bebe and Leo were looking at each other laughing.

“You know this is never going to happen Leo Rys.”  

“A man can dream.  Well….It could happen for the night.  I can tell you’re curious. Let me tickle your fancy tonight.”

Bebe laughed harder at him.  “You don’t give up do you Leo?”

“Nope because I get what I want.”    

“If nothing else Jilian, I think they will at least be friends from this, if nothing romantic happens.”

The next morning Liam was cooking  breakfast when Bebe walked out of Leo’s room. Leo’s sweatpants looked like capris on Bebe.  

“Good Morning Bebe. Would you like some breakfast?”  

“Sure.”

Leo walked out of the room a few minutes later.  

Liam smiled looking at the two of them.  

“Breakfast Leo?”  

“I already ate.”  Leo winked at Bebe.

Bebe choked on her orange juice.  

“Oh you were talking about bacon and eggs, sure.”  

Nope not at all awkward at all.  Liam thought as he fixed plates for himself Leo and Bebe.

Bebe was climbing in her ride share when her phone rang.

“Bebe… Liam just told me you had breakfast with him and Leo… at his apartment.  You spent the night with Leo?”  

“Leo was right, Jili.  Not all of him is fun sized.”

Tags in the comments !!!! 

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Non-TB&TB Anon Answers!* 📰

*I have over 15 TB&TB asks, so there will be multiple posts of those! I'm excited!

1. Yeah, it makes me sad, too. I'm glad you think my fics are more inclusive than that - I am still working on editing old fics, and I am trying to challenge myself to write more niche Readers occasionally.

I truly believe that beauty is more than the stereotypical, conventional notions, and I want my writing to reflect that. I'm glad to hear it is working for you!

2. You are so sweet. I really appreciate the encouragement ❤️ It is so much more fun to write with such a responsive group, and I am very grateful for all of you. It's a joy to share with you.

3. Hahah, this is so nice and I am so nervous I won't have a good answer! If I'm being honest, not a whole lot of thought or planning goes into my metaphors. My natural type of writing is poetry, so I usually just infuse my poetry into prose.

That being said, I want to give you a few pieces of advice:

(a) You do not need flowery purple prose to be a good writer. Some people (like me) actually prefer to read more straightforward work. There is nothing wrong with not using an excessive amount of metaphors. NOTHING.

(b) I keep a blog where I share pictures/posts that inspire me. When I need to think of metaphors, I usually browse that. You can also follow it (@things-ill-never-write), but note that it does include horror aspects (as I am writing a psychological horror novel). These types of pages really help me.

(c) If you are completely blanking, I recommend you simply start googling symbolism for a mood/feeling/idea that you are interested in. You can always borrow from others (although, be careful when it is religious or highly valuable cultural imagery, and give credit where it is due).

For example, you'll see in TB&TB I borrow a lot from Greek Mythology and Judeo-Christian religions. Most people are familiar with them, and they are highly developed. I know a lot of flower symbolism from previous works of mine, but I still occasionally google "strange flowers" or "objects that symbolize surprising things."

Yeah... My google history is weird.

I hope this helps!

4. [NSFW] Hi friend! I'm not the best person to ask for recs because I don't have a lot of time to read, but I do know of a few. Namely, mine (Rodeo Show) and @zhuzhubii's (In the Act and Break In?)

If anyone else knows any, drop them in the comments!

5. Awe, I'm sorry you're going through a breakup. Those are always the worst. We will always be here to entertain you in the meantime! 🥰

6. Finally, @birdy-bat-writes tagged me in a silk swatch challenge (here). I wanted to show you mine, but mostly because it is horrendously ugly and I find that very funny.

[jedi-bird]

Home from day one of @legendsconsortium. It was a great day and an great convention.

Saw some awesome panels, took a writing workshop with Michael Stackpole, bought some prints and a set of Rogue One figures, and managed to get five of the books I took signed (and even bought two more to be signed while I was there because why would I not?).

Looking forward to day two tomorrow and an attempt at one more sighing.

[maddie-grove]

Little Book Review: The Minstrel’s Tale

Author: Berit I Haahr.

Publication Date: 2000.

Genre: Historical YA (medieval).

Premise: Judith of Nesscliffe, the thirteen-year-old daughter of a baron in early fourteenth-century England, excels at playing music, but there’s little opportunity for a girl of her time and class to exhibit such skills. She’s more or less resigned to early marriage and motherhood, until the boorishness of her future husband and some helpful hints from a wandering musician inspire her to fake her own death, disguise herself as a boy, and run away to train as one of the king’s minstrels. Can she survive bandits, a Twelfth Night situation, borderline illiteracy, minstrel school bullies, and the looming specter of puberty? Was Gone Girl-ing herself even worth it?

Thoughts: I first read this novel in fifth or sixth grade, and I found it absolutely delightful back then. Judith’s adventures on the road were compelling, and I enjoyed her fraught attempts to perform upper-class medieval boyhood. Alas, this time around, I wasn’t as impressed. First, although Haahr clearly did the research on the musical aspects of the story, the rest of it feels very pop-history, like she went with her first assumptions about the time period and never looked further. (For example, I buy that Judith’s stepfather would marry her off at thirteen; I just don’t think she or other girls her age would be considered practically over the hill.) Even for a kid’s book, it’s a little amateurish. 

More important, the book’s attitudes towards women seem a lot more regressive than they did in 2000. Once Judith gets to the manor where the young minstrels are trained, she excels musically, but she otherwise has a miserable time. Her living conditions are austere, she struggles in academic subjects because a noble girl’s education is a lot different from a noble boy’s, and the other kids bully her. She needs an exit strategy, and she finds one when Robin, the good-looking minstrel who told her about the manor, lets her know he recognizes her and declares his loves for her. It works out great, because she already has a crush on him, plus he wants her to go on playing her music after they marry. I’m not sure exactly why this ending grates on me so much. I don’t think it would bother me if the book were more of a romance throughout, or if Judith seriously weighed her options within her circumscribed society (as in Karen Cushman’s Catherine, Called Birdy). There’s nothing wrong with a heroine wanting love and marriage on her own terms, and it’d be natural enough for Judith to decide that, while she loved music, she didn’t want all the bullshit that came with the profession. Instead, it’s like Judith goes, “oh, shit, I can’t do this because I’m bad at acting like a boy and my breasts are growing by the day, plus what I really want is the love of a good man.” It doesn’t feel very respectful towards Judith as a character.

I still liked many of the aspects of the book that I did as a kid, such as Judith’s colorful journey to the manor and her transformation from shy, obedient convent girl to wily, independent adventurer. It’s also genuinely interesting that disguising herself as a boy grants her a reprieve from straight-up sexism, yet exposes her to bullying based largely in toxic notions of what a man should be. (Her bullies are jealous that her musical talent wins her solos, but they’re also on her for being physically small, reserved, and ill-versed in “masculine” subjects.) The presentation just isn’t as thoughtful as it could be.

Hot Goodreads Take: A lot of people think the ending was too abrupt; one reviewer thinks it should’ve been a trilogy, which I agree with. Gary Blackwood’s Shakespeare Stealer trilogy would’ve been a good model.

[dontbesoweirdkira]

I hope I'm not being too annoying to you but, can I ask you some fluffy headcanons for Mic? With anything you want, really, I just want to see him being his happy and cute self(yes, I find him cute and adorable and yes, I have a big fat crush for that lovely birdie)! Thank you if you'll do it! I really like the way you write him! 💗

A/N: NOO OMG YOU'RE ALRIGHT SERIOUSLY! I actually feel super flattered you like my work request as frequently as you do. Fluffy Mic coming up! (I actually needed soft boi hours)

-When he's relaxing or just needs comfort he hums softly to himself. It’s usually a nostalgic soft song you wouldn’t even think he would like much?? Like La Vien En Rose.

-As loud as he is, and as much as he enjoys craziness, Mic really values solitude. Going to a park and having a nice stroll, or just watching the sunset at the beach.

-hE bIRd waTchEs. Lmao but he has a whole collection of books on different types of birds and their origin. He totally thinks their the most beautiful animals on the planet.

-He cannot sleep unless he has his big body pillow which he cuddles to death. Like it silently screams ‘help me’ lmao but yeah he’s a big cuddle boi and if you’re in a bed with him PREPARE TO BE SUFFOCATED

-I feel like sometimes when he is bored, he makes little space buns in his hair like it’s so cute uwu. He’s very proud of them (even though it took like an hour to just get one side right)

-He definitely wears pajamas with little cute cartoon characters on them.

-bUnnY sLiPpErs

-totally had a stuffed koala bear that he sleeps with and sometimes drag around the house when he’s feeling down.

-Mm Hot-Cocoa when he's up late song writing

-speaking of songwriting, he has a bunch of soft love songs he’s written locked away in a box. He lowkey saving it for when he has an S/O. The songs totally have a Sweater Weather By the Neighbourhood - type feel.

-He doesn’t eat much actually, he often forgets meals and stuff because he’s so busy. Every once in a while he’ll make a bento and wrap it up really nicely. He left a note with it, giving himself encouragement and what not because he doesn’t have someone else to do it for him.

-He’s a total hopeless romantic. He made many playlists for his future S/O. He actually has a list of date ideas and random recommendations for them as well.

-He’s on Christian Mingle most definitely. Lol

-He goes on dates he finds, he always puts his all into each one even though he’s been let down a lot when the girl is kinda ungrateful or rude. He always maintains a positive attitude about love and people

-Ooh he's a nErD. Marvel? D.C.? Harry Potter? Fast and Furious? Anything around and between? Yes. He has a segment on his radio show where he talks about all this stuff and gives his honest opinions.

-Goes to conventions and cosplays

-He’s definitely been to a maid cafe with Aizawa. He wore cat ears and forced his sleepy friend to wear them too. It was nice tho

-He loves American pop music and dances around his house, at 3 am while blasting Lady Gaga.

-He has an Old lady as a neighbor and she just Adores him so so much!! Like she bakes him sweets and gives him sweaters. He has a million oversized sweaters in his closet thanks to her.

-He wears turtlenecks please fight me on this.

-Ooh but man when he wears his glasses and his black turtleneck, ALL OF YOU GUYS CAN LEAVE HIZASHI SUPERIOR!!!!

-He loves candy and just about anything sweet. I swear he jumps up every time he takes a bite of cake.

-He loves kids??? Like he helps out at local orphanages or things like the boys and girls club. All the kids love him so so much!! They shower him with love and affection.

-“Mr.Yamadaaaaaaaaa!!! Guess what I got an A on my report!”

-“Mr.H, can you play basketball with us?”

-“Yo Mr.Hiz! I finished that song I was working on.”

-“HIZASHHIIIII! PlAY DoLLy wiTh uS.”

-The girls have a big fat crush on him and always give him confessions and he’s just like *bLuSh* *BoW* “haha I’m tOo oLd fOr you bUt I shAll cherish thIs.”

-He might have a golden retriever 👉👈 (it’s named something totally basic like Lucky)

-Loves the sound of laughter and smiling. It instantly makes him so so happy. He doesn’t know why but he can’t help but feel all bubbly when someone is smiling at their phone or being happy to see someone.

-He loves all people, like seriously doesn’t matter your race or gender or sexuality. He seriously just loves meeting new interesting people!

-At the end of the day though, Hizashi is quite lonely. He loves being around people and he really wishes he has a S/O or like a kid to bug him. At least he wouldn’t have an empty house with no company.

-Even with that said, he’s a bit too busy to have a responsibility like that.

-He’s a over-ecstatic teacher and tries his best to hype everyone one up. Like he passes out candy and gives fun prizes for answering a correct answer.

-If a child forgets or has no money for lunch. He buys them it or gives them his.

-He’s a total softy and cant handle when someone is mad at him. He will feel so bad and be in the dumps. 100% pouting.

-he's a BIG cry baby too smh.

-his nose is always red and he has a soft blush on his face like all the time is so cute. Especially when he reading a book and sticks his little nose out when someone is talking to him.

-HIS GREEN EYES ARE MESMERIZING I SWEAR LIKE AND HIS EYES GET ALL DOEY WHEN HE'S TIRED AND IT'S SO CUTE UWU. He’s a baby.

-He trues his best not to be awkward but we all know that fails especially when he’s telling a weird dad joke he found on a 2012 tumblr post.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Abandon All Hope: Part One

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,767

Warnings: typical supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

Ever since you dealt with the last case and the Supernatural convention, you’ve hadn’t had a problem with Amara. No dreams, no vision, and no pounding headaches. Come to think of it, you haven’t really had a problem with her before that case either. It was like she wanted to give you a break until that case. But, why? Why wait until that case? Was it because you were in the presence of a prophet and he could tell you more about her? If so, why didn’t she act up when you met him before? All of this was very confusing, but since there wasn’t any guidebook on mental torture by a person who may or may not be real, all you could do was keep on living.

To do that, you made sure to put all of your focus on the piece of information that Sam gave after that last case. Apparently, Becky had told him that a demon named Crowley had the Colt when Bela stole it and said she gave it to Lilith. Now that you finally have a solid lead in what feels like years, you were able to use Castiel to find Crowley. Right now, the angel is tailing the demon while you and the brothers were chilling by a lake and taking a break from driving.

“The demon Crowley is making a deal; even as we speak, it's—going—down,” Castiel said over speakerphone.

“Going down? Right. Okay, Huggy Bear, just don't lose him,” Dean ordered.

“I won’t lose him,” the angel promised.

“Call us back when you have something,” you suggested, hanging up the phone.

“How are you doing?” Dean asked, bringing you into his arms.

Sam leaned on the trunk of the car, watching you and Dean converse.

“I’m okay, really. It’s like, ever since I got a good night’s sleep, I haven’t seen her. No visions, headaches, or anything. It’s like she disappeared.”

“That’s good, right?” Sam asked.

“I’m not so sure it is. I mean, why show up at all? Why that case? Why leave so suddenly? Is she trying to tell me something? Half of me wants to figure out where she is and release her so I can get some answers.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I mean, if she is real, she’s locked up for a reason, right?” Dean shrugged.

“Exactly. You two have Michael and Lucifer, and yeah, Lucifer was locked up, but no one really knows who Amara is. She must have been locked up for a very long time which means she must have done something really bad to get her there. I’m her vessel, which means I’m in trouble.”

“That’s unsettling,” Sam muttered just as Dean’s phone rang.

Dean picked it up, and judging by the caller ID, he put it on speakerphone before he could say anything.

“What do you got?”

“I followed him. It's not far, but—it's layered in Enochian warding magic. I can’t get in.”

“You did great, Castiel. We can take it from here,” you praised.

“We’re going to need some help,” Sam said, taking out his own phone and dialing.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” you muttered to yourself as you walked up the paved driveway to Crowley’s mansion.

The short dress you were wearing was bunching up, and you pulled it down for the third time. Dresses were not part of your attire, but it needed to be done if you wanted to get inside the gate.

“We could have sent in Jo,” Dean spoke through the earpiece in your ear.

“No. I can handle myself more than she can. I trust her, but if Crowley is in here then his guard dogs will be tougher than anything she’s faced.”

“On the plus side, you look hot.”

“Keep it in your pants, Winchester,” you smirked, approaching the golden gate.

There was an intercom on the side, and you pressed it before speaking.

“Hello? Anyone there? My car broke down. I—I need some help.”

“I’ll be down in a minute,” the person on the other end said.

Taking a deep breath, you adjusted your dress once more before seeing two men approach. Everything about them screamed ‘demon’ from the evil look in their eyes to the clothes they were wearing, and oh yeah, the black glow around their bodies. They opened the gate, and they both smiled once they noticed your attire.

“Evening, pretty lady. Get yourself on in here.”

“I just need to make a call,” you smiled.

“You don't need to call anyone, baby,” the first man said, glancing at his partner. “We're the only help you're ever gonna need.”

“You know what? I think I should wait by my car,” you chuckled, turning away to leave.

One of them places their hands on your shoulder just as his eyes go pitch black.

“We said, get your ass in here.”

“On second thoughts, I might,” you grinned, looking at them from over your shoulder.

Your eyes were bright blue as magic started to swirl around your hands. Placing your glowing hand on top of the demon’s, you twisted it behind his body, and shot a ball of magic at the other demon which brought him to his knees. Sam and Dean came rushing up to the demons from behind with Ruby’s knife and guns. The guns weren’t going to do much, but it would slow them down if needed. Sam stabbed the demon you were holding in the neck before killing the other one.

“I always found it attractive when a woman fights in a dress,” Dean smirked.

“Yeah? Well, we’re not done yet,” you commented, walking towards the house.

In order to make Crowley somewhat afraid of your presence, you had to cut the power to the house which was done by the wire cutters that Dean brought. Sneaking into the house was a piece of cake, and finding Crowley was child’s play.

“It's Crowley, right?” Sam asked.

All demons had a black glow around them, but Crowley’s was more red. It had a red tint which you didn’t understand why, but you ran with it.

“So, the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew finally found me. Took you long enough,” the demon scoffed.

Sam was holding the knife, Dean a shot gun, and your hands were blue in case you needed your magic. Crowley approaches slowly, but stopped when he saw the rug he was going to step on was rumpled. He knelt down and looked underneath it only to see a devil’s trap that Jo had put there before Crowley had a chance to get home.

“Do you have any idea how much this rug cost?” he sighed.

Strong men pounced on all three of you from behind, and your eyes turned blue as you tried fighting off the demon. Sam and Dean lost their weapons, but luckily for you, your weapon couldn’t be disarmed.

“Now, now, don’t be difficult, love,” Crowley pointed at you. He reached into his coat pocket and produced the Colt, the gun you had been looking for this entire time. “This is it, right? This is what it's all about.” Crowley smirked and aimed it at Dean, and your eyes widened in fear.

“Don’t you dare! I’ll kill you!” you threatened.

The only thing the demon did was smirk and adjusted his aim to the demons behind you three. He shot and killed all three demons before lowering the weapon.

“We need to talk. Privately,” he cleared his throat, taking the lead into another room that looked like a study.

“What the hell?” you asked, taking Dean’s hand as you walked into the other room.

“Do you know how deep I could have buried this thing?” Crowley asked, waving his hand to close the doors behind you. “There's no reason you or anyone should know this even exists, except that I told you.”

“You told us?” Sam asked.

“Rumors, innuendo, sent out on the grapevine.”

“Why? Why tell us anything?” you asked.

Crowley lifted the gun and pointed it at Dean once more, and your hand tightened on his.

“I want you to take this thing to Lucifer and empty it into his face.”

“Uh-huh, okay, and why exactly would you want the devil dead?” Dean asked.

“It's called,” Crowley puts the gun down, “survival. Well, I forgot you three at best are functioning morons.”

“You're functioning... morons...” Dean frowned.

“Lucifer isn't a demon, remember? He's an angel. An angel famous for his hatred of humankind. To him, you're just filthy bags of pus. If that's the way he feels about you, what can he think about us?”

“But he created you.”

“To him, we're just servants. Cannon fodder. If Lucifer manages to exterminate humankind, we're next. So, help me, huh? Let's all go back to simpler, better times, back to when we could all follow our natures. I'm in sales, dammit! So, what do you say if I give you this thing, and you go kill the devil?” Crowley asked, holding the Colt out handle first. The three of you exchanged glances, not sure if trusting him was a good idea. However, when Crowley wiggled the gun impatiently, Sam hesitantly took it.

“Great,” Sam nodded. “You wouldn't happen to know where the devil is, by chance, would you?”

“Thursday, birdies tell me, there's an appointment in Carthage, Missouri.”

“Great,” Sam whispered.

Dean nodded only once when he looked at his brother, and Sam pointed the gun between Crowley’s eyes and pulled the trigger. However, nothing happened.

“Oh, yeah, right, you'll probably need some more ammunition,” Crowley nodded, going into his desk and producing a box of bullets.

“Oh, uh, excuse me for asking, but aren't you kind of signing your own death warrant? I mean, what happens to you if we go up against the devil and lose?” Dean asked.

“Number one, he's going to wipe us all out anyway. Two, after you leave here, I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere. And three, how about you don't miss, okay! Morons!” Crowley yelled, throwing the box of bullets at Dean who barely caught it.

The next time you looked up at the demon, he was out of sight.

“As much as I hate what’s going on, I kind of have to say that he’s the best demon we’ve ever faced. Seems like he doesn’t take shit from anyone,” you chuckled, looking at the gun that caused you a lot of trouble.

It seems like just yesterday you were going to go get it with John.

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[darkarchercatalyst]

You know it’s been years. and I have never once had even the slightest inkling to go back and replay Metroid: Other M. The thought of 95% of it still leaves a sour taste in my mouth. However, there was one little concept in there that I found fascinating, which is that Ridley’s species is basically the sci-fi equivalent of a dodo bird.

The Little Birdie we witness in the game is obviously more dangerous than it lets on from the get-go, considering it survived the massacre of the station staff and subsequent containment breach of many of the ecological areas of the Bottle Ship. However from logs and other information we learn that the creature originally aroused little suspicion other than being obviously carnivorous and endeared itself to the scientific staff. Modern humans still keep feral pets all the time so this absolutely tracks. However, if we imagine the situation outside of the controlled environment of the Bottle Ship, you have a creature that is intelligent and places itself within a cultural hub (say a settlement) under the guise of a harmless pet or animal.

Then comes the juvenile phase, which is akin to a chameleon. At this point the fluffy animal shell is discarded and the creature goes into hiding within the civilization center it has infiltrated. It hunts for the helpless and vulnerable while also having enough instinct or genetic memory to identify and neutralize threats that might pose a danger to it. It essentially clears out a population center and takes its resources to feed its growth. If we want to follow the trend that even Federation scientists have no record of Birdie or the juvenile, this is likely highly effective in underdeveloped worlds or any place that isn’t a confined space with space marines and a power suit equivalent of a tank battalion.

Then with the final metamorphosis the creature expands its range to decimate the remaining large population centers across the world it inhabits. Conventional weaponry and even most beam weapons are only marginally effective, and the creature has enough natural weaponry to make short work of resistance. Then, once its strength is gathered, it’s fully capable and intelligent enough for space travel. It leaves the ravaged world to continue its life cycle elsewhere.

And yet apparent millennia of evolution to be the perfect covert killing species doesn’t stop Ridley from throwing himself at Samus over and over just to get blown back.

[go-diane-winchester]

Cockles vs J2 Tinhats

Someone tagged me in a post with a gif of Jensen smacking Misha in the crotchel region in last year's gag reel.  You know the one.  Apparently, it is supposed to be proof of Cockles.  The person who tagged me ships destiel and cockles.  She put a smiley face next to the tag, and she followed me, which might mean she is trying to be friends.  Not sure.  Well hello hun.  Thanks for tagging me.  I don't know what the purpose is.  Maybe you want me to see what you see.  Hunny, I know what cockles is.  I am familiar with tinhatting and I am fairly thick-skinned about it.  So unless you take the hatty stuff to the actors, I have problem with you...the cockles tinhats actually do tweet hatty things to the actors.  Hmm, not cool. 

This will be a good opportunity to examine both Cockles and J2 tinhat theories.  And why that clip is not proof of cockles for me. Just for fun. 

Jensen and Misha

As a lead, Jensen is contracted to be in every episode.  Misha, a guest star, is only in a few episodes per season.  This means that these two actors don't get to spend a massive amount of time with each other unless they are working.  Misha lives, to the best of my knowledge, in Bellingham.  Jensen used to live in California, but moved to Austin.  Jensen usually does only one panel per year with Misha.  Jibcon.  If it weren't for conventions, they would spend even less time with each other.  If you love some one and you are a lead, wont you ask for more panels with that person.  Yes, I know someone will that they don't do more than one panel because the evil bronlies will complain.  Hunny, if they cared about fans throwing a tantrum, Misha would have been off the show the minute Jensen received a death threat from hellers.

Misha and Jensen have no common interest.  Jensen loves watching sports, playing golf, listening to rock music, playing the guitar and singing.  Misha likes, cycling, carpentry and Tibetan throat singing.  They have nothing in common.  If you like someone who has different interests than you, wouldn't you try to learn more about their interests and join them in pursuing their interests.  Jensen and Misha also don't have complimentary personalities.  Jensen doesn't swear on stage.  Misha is foul mouthed.  Jensen doesn't make overtly sexual remarks.  Misha is very vulgar on stage.  They outlook on the art of acting is also starkly different.  Jensen has a love for his craft, whilst Misha has confessed to not having a particular knack or passion for acting.   

According to tinhats, Cockles are happily marreid to their respective wives but all four of them have orgies together.  Of course, there are variations to this theory.  When cockles tinhats are asked what proof they have for how they feel, they say:

Jensen laughs at Misha's jokes [and its a unicorn laugh apparently]

They mention Jibcon, where they claim Jensen got drunk and flirted with Misha on stage. 

Jensen and Misha are flirty with each other, caressing each other's cheeks. 

Jared Padalecki is proof of cockles because he ships it the most and gives clues to what is going on between Jensen and Misha. 

They share shirts. 

The crux of Misha's first impression of Jensen [from an earlier con]: 

‘He actually seemed standoffish, when I first met him.  As I got to know him, however, I realized that he really is standoffish.’

Jared and Jensen

Jared and Jensen are the leads.  They spend nine months out of the year working with each other.  They have worked together nonstop for the past 13 years and counting.  They also live down the road from each other in Austin.  They used to live together and were best men at each other's weddings.  Their children go to the same school and call dad's friend ''uncle''.  Tom is Jensen's greatest fan and Jared regrets not being there for the birth of ''Birdie'' [JJ].  They have an extended family situation.  Despite spending all their time together, they also go on holidays together.  They are both middle children, both have an older brother and younger sister, grew up in Texas, love country music and sports.  Jared plays the guitar in his trailer everyday and, according to Jensen, he is very good.  Jared joins Jensen to play golf although he admits he is not very good at it. 

Jared doesn't swear on stage.  He did once, by accident, but he was mortified and apologized.  He makes goofy jokes, not vulgar ones.  Jensen admires Jared's rendition of white suit luci but to date hasn't really said anything truly about Casifer.  He did laugh at the Empty!Cas voice though.  So Jensen admires Jared's acting efforts.  It wasn't the first compliment he paid to Jared's acting abilities.  He hasn't done the same for Misha's work as Castiel.  Jared helped Jensen with the construction work for the FBBC.  When Jared got sick at Jib a few years ago, Jensen took to the stage and sang a song because being Jared's emotional support.  The next year or so, he sang the song again on Saturday night, with Jared watching teary eyed.  That same year Jensen hugged Jared in the closing ceremony.  The year after that, Jensen hugged and sang Wayward to Jared in the hallway after the closing ceremony.  When he broke down, he hugged Jared many times, but when Misha tried hugging him, Jensen said ''don't''.    

According to J2 tinhats, J2 have been married to each other since season four ish.  Genevieve signed a contract to be Jared's wife, and Danneel was just helping out her friend Jensen.  J2 are the parents of six children.  There are variations to this theory too.  When asked for proof of their feelings, J2 tinhats say the following:

Jared wiped his snotty nose on Jensen's sleeve.

Jared called his drink and dinner with Jensen #datenight on Twitter.

When someone called Sandy [Jared's ex-girlfriend] his beard, she liked the comment.

When Travis spent his entire panel talking about how in love J2 are, he got pulled out of the next con. 

For Jared's honeymoon, he went on a group trek up Machu Pichu and slept in a tent, and for Jensen's honeymoon, Danneel's brother Gino went with them.   Both were delayed honeymoons. 

Jared wore Jensen's underwear.

The crux of Jared's first impression of Jensen [from a recent afternoon panel]:

'He and I had so much in common.  It didn't feel like a blind date.'

I don't tinhat, but I don't blame the J2 tinhat.  The Cockles tinhats don't seem to have compelling info, and they take the hatting to the stars.  That is not cool. 

As far as the gag reel goes, smacking someone in the crotch area is not a sign of affection.  It is horseplay.  Its pranking.  Jared fondles Misha in the crotch area.  Misha barreled into Richard, landing on top of him.  Its not a big deal, and its certainly not sound evidence of anything other than boys being boys.  Enjoy your hatting, but leave the actors alone and don't go out of your way to pull people into your circle.  But the J2 tinhats don't do that?  As far as I know. 

Forgive all typos.  Insomnia sucks!