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torreshalstead · 1 year

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Your eyes in my life - Chapter 8

Summary - The night of Kim’s final layover as a flight attendant ended with a one night stand with a stranger she met across a bar.

6 years later, that same stranger walked into the 21st District and was assigned as her new Rookie and her life was thrown upside down. She hadn’t seen Adam since that night in LA. But she saw his eyes every day. In the eyes of their daughter.

Chapters - 8/?

Chapter Summary - Adam and Kim head to the hospital to check on the two little girls from the call.

Notes - Well I don’t know about you but I am still very much spiralling after last nights episode. I’ve written a little oneshot for straight after which I plan to post tomorrow but I hope you enjoyed this update. AO3 Link

When they arrived at Med, the charge nurse let them know that Lucy had been taken into surgery and that one of the nurses was currently waiting with Emma in the waiting room upstairs. DCFS had been called as Emma hadn’t been able to provide any additional information about her parents and they were worried anything she did tell them may be inaccurate due to shock. Kim had nodded, she had had a couple of experiences of dealing with victims after traumatic events recalling information that later turned out to be false, all because they were in a place where their brain was unable to separate fact from fiction.

‘Do we need to get back to the district or can we stay with her for a bit?’ Adam asked as he and Kim made their way to the waiting room, hoping that the answer would be the latter.

‘We can stay, pretty sure there wasn’t a crime committed but it’s still our job to make sure they are alright. We’ll stay until they manage to get in touch with their parents. I’ll call Platt and let her know’. Kim stopped just short of the waiting room, pulling out her phone as she did so but gestured for Adam to continue.

As he entered the room, he spotted Emma sitting in a chair in the far corner, head down, her little legs swinging back and forth. A middle aged woman, clearly the representative from DCFS judging from the lanyard around her neck, was attempting to engage her in conversation.

Emma raised her head as Adam approached and a small smile quickly replaced the distressed look on her face. She jumped up and ran over, Adam lowering himself to her level as the little girl threw herself into his arms.

‘Hey hey, what’s up?’ Adam asked worriedly, holding her tightly, glancing back up to the other adult in the room, however she just shook her head. ‘Emma, what’s wrong?’

Emma mumbled something but with how her head was buried in Adam’s neck, he couldn’t understand her.

‘Hey, why don’t we go take a seat with this nice lady and you can tell me what’s the matter?’

Emma pulled back and nodded slowly, wiping the tears that were staining her young face.

Adam stood up once she had completely let go of him, but no sooner had he done so, she reached out and held his hand. He gave it a gentle squeeze, smiling down at her and walking towards the previously occupied chairs.

‘Adam Ruzek,’ he said in introduction to the woman.

‘Sasha Stevens, DCFS’.

‘I’d shake your hand but,’ he nodded down to where Emma was still grasping tightly to his.

‘No problem, she seems to trust you,’ Sasha smiled as Adam took a seat in between her and Emma, sensing that Sasha hadn’t succeeded in making Emma feel particularly comfortable yet.

‘We were first on the scene,’ he said in explanation.

‘I’ve got a couple of calls to make, you okay to stay with her?’ She asked, gesturing to the clipboard that was resting on her lap.

‘Yeah, no problem.’ With Sasha excusing herself, Emma seemed to relax, the vice-like grip she had had on Adam’s hand loosening slightly. ‘Now, you going to tell me what’s up?’ He asked, hoping that she’d be more responsive now it was just the two of them.

‘They wouldn’t let me stay with Lucy,’ she said quietly. ‘They took her away and I don’t know where.’

‘They took her into surgery Emma, nobody apart from the doctors and the sick person can go into the surgery room’, he tried to explain on a level that a child could understand. ‘But I’m sure as soon as they have fixed her up, they’ll come tell us straight away and then you’ll be able to see her.’

‘They’re going to fix her?’ She looked up to Adam, her blue eyes swimming with tears.

‘They have the best doctors at this hospital,’ Adam said, remembering what he had been taught at the academy about not promising things they couldn’t be certain could be delivered on. The paramedics had seemed positive about Lucy’s outcome but Adam didn’t know if anything had happened in the interim between when they got in the ambulance to pulling up at Med. He wasn’t about to promise the little girl that her best friend would be okay if there was even the slightest chance that that wasn’t true.

‘They’re the best?’ She asked curiously.

‘They are. And as soon as they can, I’m sure they’ll come and speak to us.’ This seemed to relax Emma who smiled softly up at him and nodded.

Just then Kim entered, smiling at the pair of them.

‘You remember my friend Kim?’ Adam asked, gesturing over to Kim.

Emma nodded and waved, ‘Hi Kim.’

‘Hi Emma. I just spoke to the doctors and they said that Lucy did really well in surgery and you’ll be able to go see her in a bit’. Kim smiled as a look of excitement washed across Emma’s features.

‘Told you they had the best doctors here,’ Adam said with a grin.

‘Will you come see her with me?’ She asked, looking between Kim and Adam.

‘Of course we will,’ and with a quick glance to Kim, ‘shall we go find some food first?’

The trio returned up to the waiting room having managed to source some sandwiches and chips from the hospital cafeteria. Adam wasn’t sure when the last time the two little girls had eaten so he had picked up another sandwich for Lucy if she was feeling up for it.

He had clearly made the right call as Emma devoured her sandwich in a matter of moments, starting on her chips before he had barely made a dent in his BLT.

The doctor that Kim had spoken to walked in whilst the group were occupied with their lunch.

‘Lucy’s awake, if you want to see her now,’ Emma had jumped up excitedly before the doctor had even finished her sentence.

‘Thanks Doc,’ Adam said as he picked up the discarded chip packet that Emma had dislodged when she had jumped to her feet. ‘Come on then,’ he said, smiling down at Emma who reached for his hand again.

As they walked into the room, the little girl in the bed tried to sit up but Kim was by her side in a few short strides.

‘Hey Lucy, let’s stay laying down for a bit, okay? Just until you get your strength back,’ she said worriedly, running her hand over her hair.

‘Lucy,’ Emma said timidly, having previously been so excited to see her friend, that had all been drained as soon as she had seen how pale and frail Lucy looked, dwarfed in her hospital bed.

‘She’s okay,’ Adam said quietly to her, nudging her forward. ‘Go say hi’.

‘Do you still feel bad Lucy?’ Emma asked softly, approaching the bed slowly.

‘I just feel sleepy,’ Lucy said, her voice a little hoarse.

‘You can sleep if you want,’ Kim said kindly. ‘Emma just wanted to check you were okay’.

‘And I wanted to introduce you to my friend Adam,’ Emma said with a smile. ‘He’s a police officer, like Kim. They saved us.’ She announced proudly.

‘Well you did most of the work before we got there,’ Adam said with a chuckle. ‘Maybe you should be a doctor when you’re older’ he suggested with a smile.

Emma seemed to ponder on this for a second. ‘I think I’d rather be a police woman and help people like you did’. Adam blushed at this, smiling sheepishly over at Kim from where she was still standing by the side of the bed.

By the time that Sasha returned, Emma and Lucy were both asleep on the bed. Lucy had started to drift off shortly after they had entered and Emma followed not long afterwards. It had been a very long and exciting day for the 7 year olds.

‘We’ve managed to get in touch with both the girls' parents. They’re on the way here’. Sasha smiled at the sight before her.

‘That’s great news,’ Adam rubbed his hand over his face, attempting to wake himself up slightly too.

‘I’ll wait down at the entrance for them so they don’t have to flag anyone down, see you shortly.’ Kim and Adam bid Sasha goodbye for now as she headed out.

‘That was a pretty intense day,’ Adam huffed as he sat back into the uncomfortable plastic seat that he had taken custody of, Kim getting the slightly less uncomfortable leather chair next to the bed.

‘You did really good today Adam,’ she smiled over at him, the pride in her eyes shining through.

‘Thanks Kim’, and deciding that now was as good a time as any to shoot his shot. ‘When we get off tonight do you want to-’

Kim’s phone rang loudly, interrupting him, echoing off the walls. She excused herself to answer it, Adam spotting a concerned look appear on her face as she clocked who was calling.

A couple of moments later she appeared back in the room, her usual calm and composed demeanour gone, replaced by worry.

‘Ruzek, I’ve got to go. You good to find your way back to the district?’ She asked quickly as she grabbed her belongings from the spare chair.

‘Of course, but is everything okay?’ Adam asked, concerned.

‘Umm, I don’t know,’ she said, running her hand over her hair as she looked around the room, seemingly looking for something. ‘I think this is everything’, she said quietly to herself.

‘Kim, what’s up?’ Adam asked again, reaching out a hand to grab her arm in an attempt to bring her back into the present.

‘I’ve gotta go Adam, I’ll explain later,’ she said, shrugging off his hand.

‘Kim-’

‘It’s my daughter, I have to go’, she said loudly, her eyes meeting his with something Adam couldn’t quite read. ‘I have to go’, she repeated, more apologetically this time as she turned to walk towards the door leaving a bemused Adam behind her.

This was news to Adam. In all the weeks they had been riding together, she had never once mentioned that she had a child. Maybe she just wanted to compartmentalise with work and home. Maybe she just didn’t like talking about her personal life.

Adam had thought they had grown close in the past couple of weeks but maybe he had been mistaken. This was something huge about her life that he didn’t know. And for some reason he felt hurt that she hadn’t told him, that she hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him.

#burzek #chicago pd #one chicago #chicago pd fanfiction #one chicago fanfiction #kim burgess #adam ruzek #kim x adam #burzek fic #burzek fanfiction #chicago pd fanfic #burzek fanfic #one chicago fic #chicago pd fic #one chicago fanfic

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 2 years

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Do you think Harry and his team have been navigating this stage of his career well? I feel like there have been some miscalculations in terms of publicity/public image but I can’t quite put my finger on it. It just feels like the few big press events / interviews / editorials could have been handled much better to give less of an impression of “jack of all trades, master of none”…

I have always been very frustrated with the way fandom approach the question about whether members of their teams do a good job.

It is impossible to know whether someone is doing a good job without knowing their aims and their limitations. You might look at something someone has done and say 'oh that's terrible', but not known that they had an hour to do something that would normally take five and in fact it would show their skill.

And that general principle becomes heaps more complicated when you're assessing something as broad as managing Harry's career.

For starters, it does sort of depend what's going on behind the scenes. If Harry is often an absolute asshole to people he meets - then his team is doing a stellar job of hiding that. If Nathan Hubbard is right and there are lots of women upset with how Harry has treated them, then his team are doing an amazing job. I don't think either of those are true, but there might be aspects of Harry's life that they're doing a very good job of hiding from us and the definition of them doing a good job is that we don't know we're doing that.

We also don't know what Harry wants and doesn't want. To give an example, which is very close to what I think is true, if Harry wants to play stadiums, keep his current ambiguity about his sexuality, and also play Tom in My Policeman - then it's not like his team can just magic their way out of that set of contradictions with their powers.

In addition, the goals of Harry's team are very different from the goals of fans. As It Was broke records. Harry's album has spent most of the first six months in the top five in both the US and the UK he's selling out residencies. The fact that people are making fun of him is not the end of the world and does not need to be top priority for his team. It may cause fans distress when people say mean things about Harry, but it's not a team's job to make sure that everyone only says nice things about a client.

I will answer the question in a second, but first I do want to address one last assumption I feel is in your post - when it comes to individual events - a celebrity and their team don't have complete control. Would it be easier for Harry if he hadn't made completely inaccurate comments about gay sex in movies? Probably, but people say things and journalists write them down. Was Venice a cluster fuck? Sure, but there were so many moving parts, so much surveillance, and so much bad faith reading that nobody is going strategise the way out.

So that's all reasons why I don't think it's that useful to try and evaluate their teams in that sort of straightforward way. I'm much more interested in asking why, then deciding whether they're good or bad. If I think I can see what motivates a particular set of decision, or why it might work, I'll talk about that. But I'm never going to have enough information to say this is a bad strategy. The most I'm ever going to say is that something doesn't make sense.

Anyway having said all that I'll try and answer your question. I think it's worth separating two things - the first is that some people are enjoying dunking on Harry on twitter. That is pretty inevitable and not that important. As big as he is it was that sort of reaction is inevitable. (I also think it's worth being very clear sighted about what has changed and what hasn't. I saw somoene say that Harry used to be the critics darling and now people are making fun of him. And then post an article saying exactly the same things critics have been saying about Harry since he released his first album)

The other question is have the contradictions got too much? In the current environment, is the way he's trying to engage with queerness and keep his fantasy boyfriend issue sustainable. That's far more important that people being mean about him on twitter, because it'll affect ticket sales. I think it does get harder and harder to exist in the space he's in, but I don't know if anyone will be able to predict when it becomes impossible, before it becomes impossible.

#It's absolutely fine to look at everything from a fan perspective #but it's important to understand that that perspective is fundamentally different #from Harry and his team #and not try to think you can understand what's goingon for his team #whilelooking at it froma fan point off view

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flowerycoffin · 2 years

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“Izzy does it” nitpicking

Idk how to start it, let me just dive in without any introduction.

1. I’d really like to know why Zipp is leaving voice notes anytime she have a screentime. It would be nice comedy effect for some if it was once or twice, but it’s happening all of the time and gets irritating pretty quickly.

2. I know it’s for investigation purposes but this scene looks kinda gay

Nothing strange; just one fella watching butt of a nice mare.

3. How does this mirror smartphone works? Can any of you two un-zoom Opalines face? It’s unsettling

4. Pipp songs are boring and a bit souless. Too bad those are the only ones we get so far. I understand that some people might like it but for me those are just generic pop songs.

Also, Pipp is said to be this huge pop star, but the only times we see her pipp squeaks there is just a bunch of young fillies.

I don’t believe Izzy never had creative block

I double don’t believe Pipp never had creative block.

6. Can ponies stop saying “That’s not it!” Over and over again? I’m not a native english speaker myself but I know that there’s much more words and sentences to express “That’s not it!”

This dude is rude for no reason. Take a gift and go away meanie.

As someone who catch themselves having many times similar mindset I can tell you one thing Izzy - Don’t. Think. Like. That. It’s toxic behaviour making even bigger burn out and creative block than before.

What sits bad with me is that this behaviour doesn’t seem to be corrected or even talked about and instead changed into “Oh, sometimes you just need to look for inspiration somewhere else :^D”

9. This is very odd exposition and unnatural dialogue

10. This is the very reason I hate toddlers

IT’S

HIS

FAULT

11. First off, nobody stole it

Second off, Sunny or left her coctail van without any additional safety or she’s blind for seeing mirror smartphone just now

12. Opaline will be my fav one solely because she’s barely a character and more generic DeviantArt OC villain from mlp golden era

13. I promised myself that I won’t bash on animators because they still have to get used to character models and other things but…

How did you managed to forget about all of those strains of hair and let it float through the body and be stiff?

And please decide. Motorcycle is burried or not

14. You know what?

Sunny is not the ONLY blind person here.

15. Don’t know why but this made me go “Oh wow, that’s mean.”

16. Ok, this last thing will be on a serious note - as before I was fun-hating Pipp within my friend group because it looked like writers wanted to make relatable influencer figure now I truly hate her with burning passion and here is why:

A) She is posting her friends image and shows off all of the things they are doing without their consent and without asking them for details.

(It’s about mane-cesorry Izzy gave Sunny as a gift, but I hope that before reading this post you watched the episode)

Izzy told you clearly that it is made as a birthday present, so why are you making it into a brand and say that everyone can get it!? Why haven’t you thought that maybe a thing done specialy for someone will be one and only? You live with Izzy in the same house and know that she’s crafting things the way she feels like crafting and probably wouldn’t like to make something because she has to. You never even asked her is it alright to say that she can make more of this. You never even asked Sunny if she is okay to be filmed and asked questions during her job but you still did it and showed her having troubles to the whole pony world!

Again - where is a question “Can I post about this?” And asking for details? You’re very bad role model.

B) Pipp is being way too much self-absorbed

As normally I’m advocating for having a bit of ego, here it’s pretty badly portayed to say at least.

You solved one problem so far and didn’t saw any results of it. Actually later you realized how bad your advice was, but before that it was so noble to the point where you had to say it out loud (???). Yes I’m over-analyzing but this monolouge took me off guard and twisted my guts when I first heard it.

Also her mannerism looks like coming from someone who doesn’t see a world outside herself. It’s probably just a biased thoughts and I wish it could change, but also kinda want to know if anyone else caught similar impression.

C) From where exactly does she know what will her hit song be? Isn’t it dependent from the audience?

Good.

E) What’s the point in lying here?

Like really, do you know how many problems you could avoid in the future if you were honest with your friends and said that it’s not yours?

End note: Yeah that’s it. I’m open for discussions and additions. Sorry for ending on agressive note but I had to call out Pipp behaviour.

#mlp:mym #my little pony: make your mark #zipp storm #sunny starscout #izzy lightwood #anti pipp petals #I hope you know why I’m putting it as anti #hitch trailblazer #spoilers #dat baby dragon is our punishment for not liking spike

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bejoomi · 2 years

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next gen part three tracker/plotcall

hi! ah shit here we go again! just like last time, i’m going to write some about what my muses are going to be up to this round and also keep track of everything i have to write–– without gif icons this time because i’m too lazy to make any HAHA but as always, please like this post to plot! i’m going to cap this at three threads per muse for now, but if we can come up with a really fun plot or i feel like i can take it on i may be able to pick up more. we’ll see! anyway onto the state of the gremlins:

JOOMI

joomi is, once again, going thru it and will likely cry day one again, for entirely different reasons than last time. he is not upset about falling in rank or getting told his performance was bad (in fact he is very surprised he’s not last) but instead he’s emotional because the judges said they’re cheering for him. joomi has had a very hard life that included a lot of neglect and abuse and generally not being shown any positive attention so the idea of people supporting him so much even though he made mistakes is incredibly foreign and overwhelming. the good news is that now he doesn’t want to quit! he still doesn’t really want to be an idol, but he wants to do his best on next gen so the judges don’t feel like they misplaced their faith in him. after he gets the initial emotions out of his system and isn’t so overwhelmed anymore, he’ll be ready to get to work, and he’s a lot more confident in his singing. granted, joomi doesn’t have that much confidence at all, but it’s growing! he will gladly help anyone with their singing that asks for it/needs it, even if he feels deeply unqualified to do so, given he has very little musical training outside of piano. he also knows basically nothing about kpop but by a stroke of luck or divine intervention, i actually headcanoned that the only kpop he really listens to is wannabe’s taeyeon equivalent, and he’ll be performing one of her songs! so he already knows it, which also comes as a huge comfort. i wouldn’t say he’ll be relaxed, but he certainly feels a lot better now than he did preparing for last episode. that being said, he is not excited for the mcountdown performance at all and could probably use some additional help there, though honestly, nobody should expect him to do particularly well. he is just praying they put him in the back.

TEAM THREAD: @behaneul (4/4) ✓ MCOUNTDOWN THREAD: @badabe (4/4) ✓ ADDITIONAL THREAD: @kouxbe (3/4) ✓ PERFORMANCE SOLO: ✓ INTERVIEW SOLO: ✓

NAYOUNG

nayoung is tbh pissed she didn’t rank higher. she thinks she put on a better performance and/or is more skilled than most of the people above her (this does not reflect the mun’s opinion i promise asdfasdgsdg) she Really wanted top five and i think she is feeling a bit insecure...because she felt like last round was Made for her, and if she can’t be center from that, can she do this at all? she Refuses to let that show though, she will be as cold and steely as ever. she got compared to being as scary as bom on the episode and she’s honestly kind of proud of that LMAO but the judges also told her to be nicer HAHA so she will be trying to do that. she won’t necessarily be Nice...she just won’t be as harsh...she will happily help everyone though, especially her team members, but expect her to lowkey function like a drill sergeant. dancing is nayoung’s specialty, but she prides herself on being able to succeed at any skill asked of her, so she’s eager to prove she’s a good rapper too! she will be practicing hard as always but since she saw some contestants get scolded for not taking care of themselves on the episode she won’t push as hard this week.

TEAM THREAD: @eunkyungxbe & @behyejin (6/6) ✓ MCOUNTDOWN THREAD: @behaein (4/4) ✓ ADDITIONAL THREAD: @bejun (2/4) PERFORMANCE SOLO: incomplete INTERVIEW SOLO: incomplete

#–– ooc #–– tracker #these descriptions are long as hell i know y'all are gonna be the i ain't readin all that happy for you tho or sorry that happened meme #but i'm excited this is all so fun

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thedepressedweasel · 2 months

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Earlier last morning, my evil grandmother had the gall to take out the recyclables through the back door in my "room" when she could've at least waited until my egg donor got up to make coffee for herself to take it out through the front door instead. Then when she opened the storm door while refusing to put it down on the mat and saw the black mold inside the slot of said door, whereafter she said to my face that she needed another slave, that the storm door was still dirty and that I should always clean it, but first of all, that storm door is actually made out of double glass, just like the rest of her house windows combined, yet when I told her about it, she refused to hear it. Then she said that I should be her new slave and stop being "lazy" start cleaning up all of the mess inside the storm door's slot and when I told her that I wasn't going to clean it up after her, that I was just burnt out from everything (including school), that it's not my house to clean and that she needed to clean it up herself, that was when she suddenly threw a loud temper tantrum and started screaming and cussing in my face, during which she not only called me names, but literally screamed in my face that I was nobody, that I was lower than dirt and that she hoped I would marry an abusive man who would beat me up for not cleaning after him.

Now, I don't care if this post might get me called "spoiled" because I'm actually a good offspring, since I help my egg donor around the house when she needs it most. But no, my evil grandmother just wanted another slave to cook for her and clean up after her at all times.

And don't get me started on talking to my sperm donor about taking a bus to school and back! I can never have a single adult conversation with him because I know that even if I say "please" in a polite way, he'll still throw loud ass temper tantrums as well, so the only thing I can do about it is have my uncle try to help me out in addition to taking a bus to school and back behind my sperm donor's back.

I can't wait to move out or at least graduate from my crummy community college and transfer to my dream school in my favorite city and never see them again!

#i hate my grandmother #child abuse #domestic violence tw #tw abusive husband #abusive grandmothers #abusive grandmother #abusive women #abuse apologists either keep scrolling or block me either way i'm not in the mood for your stupid shit #abuse apologists don't interact

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genalesnumberonefan · 2 years

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All of ask Gentlae so far.

AUTHORS NOTES

So I went on the wiki here's all the info about this AU I'll refrence heavily from these events but I want you guy's to know this now cause I don't really have any faith in my writing skills

Gentale is an Undertale AU made by Youtuber . After being driven Underground, Sans and Papyrus lived on the streets for several years, scrounging for scrap and spare change just to survive. It wasn't until Sans met Asgore, who was friends with his mother, the Captain of the Royal Guard Arial, and his father, Doctor W.D. Gaster, that things began to look up.

In addition to being taken in by his father and finally having a home and a steady supply of food to live on, Sans and Papyrus also spent a lot of time with the royal family, becoming close friends with both Asriel and Chara and being considered surrogate children by the King and Queen.

Things would not stay this way forever, and much like the events of many other versions of them, Chara and Asriel enacted a plan to free the monsters, which failed. From that point onward, events began to spiral down a dark path. Asgore declared war on humanity and began to kill the children who would fall into the Underground, believing it to be the only option and slowly self-destructing as he fell further and further into despair. Toriel left Asgore and sealed herself away in the Ruins, abandoning the kingdom for years to come.

When Sans saw how Asgore was falling apart, he agreed to allow his father to perform a procedure on him to enhance his abilities to turn him into what could be considered a living anti-human weapon, as he took on the burden of killing both the Patience and the Justice souls to spare his surrogate father the pain of doing so himself. As the years passed, Sans spiraled further and further into his own depression, which was only exacerbated when Gaster attempted to kill him, forcing Sans to push him into the Core in self-defense.

It was a fateful day when Sans decided to pay a visit to the grave of Asriel and Chara, as it had been several years since the last time that he had visited, as full of shame and grief as he was. Nobody could have expected what had happened during that visit, but when Sans left, he was accompanied by the Phantom of Chara, who through unknown means had awakened and found their spirit bound to Sans.

Sans's personality and abilities have drastically changed due to Chara's presence, and more things will continue to change as time passes and the story continues onward. And Gentale was created by Gemtem and Undertale was created by Toby Fox.

I hope you enjoy this story I'm un-posting my other two stories cause to much effort so I hope you all enjoy Ask Gentale and company :3

And If y'all comment some ask i'll take those ask and put them in I have an Idea for how the story will play out on a google document so enjoy

Ps:I know I just started but I hope if this get's popular someone could make a cover on deviant art and comment it that'll be awesome and I will also be taking two elements from different ask blogs that I like such as Ask Swap Papyrus and Ask Frisk and Company so I hope you all enjoy and We must remember to stay determined.

1# who the bork are you.

Ask Gentale.

Sans was laying down in his room arguing with Chara about which food was better Chocolate Ketchup or both, and for them, it has become a daily conversation but what happens when they suddenly hear a voice in their heads asking? Hi Sans and Chara... Hello Sans said They search around the room until they see a portal open up. Sans quickly gets ready to fight summoning a knife and a gaster blaster as outcomes.

Hello Sans and then she looks at Chara and says hello to you as well Chara I am responsible for the voice in you'r heads. Or skeleton and spectral head he. The people in your head are called askers their beings from across the void and I give them the ability to talk to you think of these guys as a gift. So after this, you'll be getting a lot of questions so enjoy. I'll pop in from time to time and also here are two bracelets for you guys to put on now goodbye.

Chans: What the F-

Hope you people enjoy the first chapter of ask Gentale the first question was what I put in here and I don't have a lot of asks so until I do this will be pretty short so enjoy and stay determined everyone. So it's an hour later I checked my story to use Grammarly to help me and I got a common thanks gemtem0fan1 so I'll be publishing it right now still it's super short

This is all so confusing?!?!?!

Sans:...Papyrus have you heard any voices at all...

Papyrus: No brother I have not found any of these voices you speak of but if they do they'll face I the great Papyrus member of the royal guard Nyehehehehe!

Chara: So when are these "askers" gonna pop up

Sans: (thinking)*I don't know Chara but Papyrus hasn't heard anything *

Action: As sans is talking to Chara he grabs some ketchup and a MTT bran chocolate bar.

Papyrus: Sans is that one of the chocolates Mettaton gave me?

Sans: Yes but tibia honest bro it's fine cause this chocolate's an impasta

Papyrus: oh my lord sans you told this pun a few days ago. But it's fine I'm going over there tomorrow.

Sans: I'd bet a Mettaton that'd you'll have fun bro.

Papyrus: Okay Sans that one was good but now I'm off to do a skeleton of training with undyne too so I'll be back at nightfall so goodbye NYEHEHEHEHE.

Sans: So Chara I 'v drunk my ketchup you can take over for your chocolate

Chara: Yes let's go partner and Metta has the tastiest chocolate.

*Chara possesses Sans*

S̸̡̹̈́̿̈́̑̊̈a̴͎̿̓̽̽ň̸̳̠͈̘̥͇͓̈́̌̍̂̏͠s̷̺̳̤͒͐̋͆͒̀͝_:Chocolate yes *num num num*. This is so good.

S̸̡̹̈́̿̈́̑̊̈a̴͎̿̓̽̽ň̸̳̠͈̘̥͇͓̈́̌̍̂̏͠s̷̺̳̤͒͐̋͆͒̀͝:: So how long until these "askers" arrive who knows.

*Chara has stopped possessing sans*

*Suddenly a voice appears shouting in their heads*

AgnieszkaKrekora4 question for Sans: who do you like more, Chara or Alphys, maybe ketchup? (OMG reminded me of the Sans x ketchup joke.) question for Chara: what do you like and hate about Sans, and if you were a real human alive, would you date him?

Sans: I like Chara more but yeah Alphys and I go way back she helped me out when I was younger... actually we use to date now we're just friends pretty sure she got a thing for Undyne now but uhh I go over and watch some anime with them every once and a while.

Chara: I like that he lets me possess him. I hate that he doesn't love chocolate and he says too many puns sometimes and if I was a real human then Absolutely not (maybe a bit we've known each other for long enough so I don't know)

*In this story Chara is a tsundere*(A tsundere is someone who has a crush on someone but will never admit it)

Gentem0fan1So I have a few questions for you guys to answer How did you guys meet? Do you guys switch on eating papyrus's spaghetti? Do You know who !@#$%^ is And that's it?

Chans:... How we met I think we both remember it like it was yesterday. It happened a month or so after Chara's death and we moved to Snowdin then I went to visit Chara's/my grave and I/he found my ghost and once he went to my body I woke up cause our souls are bonded. So once that happened he could see me and we've been partners ever sense.

Chara: Sans why do you go to Toriel we both know it's her and we both know that she remembered you.

Sans: yeah I was planning on it I kinda just forgot.

Chara: sure partner anyways Sans let's go to Metta's and get some chocolate who knows maybe these voices will annoy 'em to.

Me: hi my favorite/only commenter akakrekora now we can annoy Mettaton remember drink water comment lot's of questions and such and I will be getting some plot around the fifth chapter so I saw 19 people read my last chapter currently so all of you guys start commenting questions to the characters. I write this on a google document so I can save all of you'r questions for different characters like if you have a good question for Toriel or Undyne comment it and i'll copy it down in my document so once we meet 'em I can give them the question or just go and comment questions ask them if they did this before make me caesar out Gaster or you can summon items for different characters they might not instantly happen but they'll appear eventually I promise (Disclaimer Of this book actually gets popular (which it probably wont I wont have every ask cause there'd just be to many) etc, etc Now that my rant is over guys girls non binary pals hope you enjoyed please comment IDRC about you guys voting I only care about you guys commenting it's important for these type of stories. So enjoy and good night/day and bye

Meltdown

question for Sans: if you and Chara are soul bonded, can you Tease her soul half by touching. licking and biting to see if Chara is sensitive to such actions? However, knowing life, you too will probably feel the same as Chara, and do you, like classic Sans, consider Chara a demon.

Chans: You... want us to try soul touching

Sans:IwouldneverwanttotrysoultouchingwithCharaunlesstheywantedtobutIwould'ntImeanwer'ejustfriendsImean.

Chara:NO I don't want to think of Sans touching my soul (but what if *Lewd thoughts* )

Author/A:After Chara ahd these thoughts she was a ??????%

Chara had this blush and was curled into a ball

They sit at a chair

They try to gain there mental sanity back

Narrator... 10 minutes later

Chans: The other question

Sans: A Demon... no I'd never think of Chara as a demon they did some bad things in their psat or why they fell down here but there not bad hell they know more about me then Papyrus.

Chara:*crying* thank you Sans you are the most important person in the world partner I don't know where i'd be without you.

Narrator 10 minutes later.

Sans:... Chara we need to make a plan for once Frisk comes back...

Narrator:... wait why are we changing P.O.V's this is important... oaky To ohh Papyrus's and Undynes traning.

Undyne:Papyrus you go tthis cut those things down

Narrator...Tomatos

Papyrus: Yes after this I sha'll be able to serve my brother the most magnificent of spaghetti for his birthday and Alyphys sha'll bring the cake correct.

Undyne: Yeah Alyphs Metta and I made it

ASkers: Papyrus challenge: confess your love to Mettaton.

Undyne challenge: Kiss Alphys next to Sansa for 20 minutes, with breaks for gasps.

Papyrus:Who said that ahhthese mst be the voices Sans told me about this morning.

Askers:Papyrus challenge: confess your love to Mettaton.

Undyne challenge: Kiss Alphys next to Sans for 20 minutes, with breaks for gasps.

Undyne:(A twenty minute make out session with Alphys)... *Lewd thougts*

Undyne: To do all those we'd have to be dating hell mabey we'd be married

*Fantasy vision*

Undyne.exe has stopped working let's end the chapterhere guys sense evreyone's broken now...

So I google it Sanses Birthday andbefore it was july second and Chara's was July seventh and because of that I couold of had a good Toriel scene where Toriel and Sans eat Pie with eachother and just talk with Chara just watching but now what was said before disappeared and it's now stated that Classic sans birthday is on April 1 but i'm lazy so the chapter after Sans B-day it'll be Chara's B-day than Papyrus which i'll probably let y'all add stuff to it and so i'm just gonna make the fact that Sanses Birthday is july 2 Chara's is july 7 and Papyruses is july 10. So hope you enjoy

Y'all know the drill COMMENT I don't want to start making my own asks and I don't want to selfmake the story go forward I want you guys to ask genuine questions about literally anyone I save those questions

And here are the questions from my only commenter so far lol on the doc for once I introduce those characters

HUH

After last chapter

Sans: hey chara after this i'm just gonna take a shortcut

Alphys: OH MY ASGORE I- Sans dang it

Sans: sorry Al so as you know if you hear-

4th wall: from AgnieszkaKrekora4 try not to stutter after kissing Undyne, you can cover your face with your hands if you're shy.

Alphys: voices right because Sans I just heard a voice in my head and it said Undyne was going to kiss me.

Sans: yeah um I can't explain it well how about Miss.Messanger.

Messanger: Heya GTsans

Sans: GTsans?

Messanger: It means Gentale

ANyways I'm kind of bored so i'm gonna be sending someone here enjoy and happy birthday sans.

Author note... Hey fellas so I got demotivated cause only one person was comentig like I have around 75 views some of you guys could comment it hurts but yes enjoy another ask series ask you'r choice

You guys can choose an AU and i'll make a ask here can't just be one person it has to be a full AU so bye and I hope you enjoy and yeah i'm back

The game begins

Anyways hope you guys enjoyed and I'm sorry about how long this is not rediculously long but yeah and heres the link to the wattpad port of my story i'll have another story on ao3 but don't have an acount there yet so.

#chans #gentale #ask blog #send me asks #hope you enjoy #Gentem

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duncanor · 2 years

Text

In addition to my last post, let me show y'all some of Mike's songs on his official Spotify Playlist which are legit the most sus shit i have ever seen

The first song on the playlist is Smalltown Boy, a gay anthem. I don't think i need to say more.

But that's not the queerest thing on his Playlist because you see, the 11 song on his Playlist is the pride version of 'Don't you want me' by The human league. And in case you have any doubt on whether or not it was intentional, here's the normal version of the song a bit further down his Playlist.

But let's not forget the best part y'all. It's his 11 song, what could it possibly be about? It's a break up song. Yep. And it's a duet btw, the guy sing the first part then the girl.

That doesn't scream mileven endgame to me ngl

#Byler #St4 #mike wheeler #mike wheeler is gay #I said it in my last post but nobody saw the addition so i made a separate post #There's so many more things yo say about all 3 playlist not just mike's #But it is really both funny and real sus that out of the 3 of them it's mike that has THE queer Playlist #Like do y'all see that gay shit or what #Anyway I'm a bit obsessed with those Playlist #I wish i hadn't lost my damn analysis #It's also worth nothing that don't you want me also appear in steve playlist #Once again paralleling stancy and mileven

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rinkrats · 3 years

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🥺 that mike lange story. But also those tags #sid loooves christmas #he loves giving presents #looks good in red #piles on the pounds fast #post hockey career as santa 😂😂👌🏽👌🏽

he loves his mementos and presents and is COMMITTED to them. scrapbooking. matching jackets. little pills with hidden motivational messages~*~ his love language is gifts and neck smooches and stalking geno. relevant right now are some anecdotes i sent a friend earlier this year for dorky sid gifts fic fodder:

1. Crosby's constant thoughtfulness would be impressive from anyone, much less someone of his stature.

"Sid always texts me happy birthday, he's always asking me like, how's Russia?" Evgeni Malkin said. "We talk and message all summer. He asks me how my skates are. He knows, like, everything. He follows my Instagram, I think (laughs)."

In addition to having a handle on those little details, Crosby is constantly providing those around him with memories and mementos. If the team is on the road and goes, say, sightseeing or to a sporting event and takes a group photo, Crosby will later send a framed copy to everyone.

When Ron Hextall and Brian Burke watched their first Penguins game in person, Crosby is the one who approached head equipment manager Dana Heinze and asked for two used game pucks to give to the new GM and president of hockey ops.

After the Penguins won in 2009, Crosby had jackets made for the three players on the team who had scored a Cup-clinching goal in Game 7: Talbot (Pittsburgh), Ruslan Fedotenko (Tampa Bay) and Mike Rupp (New Jersey).

"They were blue jackets with gold buttons, and each one had a patch on it that said 'GWG Game 7,'" Talbot said. "At one of our first team meals the next season, he presented us with the jackets and did a big ceremony with the music and stuff. We had a private room in the restaurant. I still have the jacket."

-The Consummate Teammate, Captain and Ambassador, Feb 2021

2. Merz: My first interaction with Sid was when we were on the bench, guys were talking about a teammate, and the first thing this 15-year-old says is, “Hey, guys. Let’s keep everything positive. Don’t talk about your teammates that way.”

Salcido: When we were getting ready for nationals, he found these little pills that you could put a hidden message inside. They unscrewed, and inside was a tiny scroll. He gave one to every teammate. … He had everyone fill one out. He didn’t tell anyone what to write, but he made it known that we all knew what the goal was: winning nationals. So we wrote on our scrolls, rolled them up and put them in the pill thing. We kept them with us everywhere we went.

-‘Is this real?’: Stories of Sidney Crosby’s year at a Minnesota prep school, May 2020

3. On “Butterfly Boy” Jonathan Pitre:

Though the Senators are his team, Sidney Crosby has always been Jonny’s favourite player. After the TSN documentary airs, Tina gets a call from the Penguins. Sid needs Jonny’s measurements. He wants to have a suit made for him by his personal tailor, Domenico Vacca.

“It’s the kindest, sweetest gesture,” Tina says. “Sid heard that Jonny went to a lot of games, so he wants him to look like he’s one of the guys.”

“I want him to feel like a pro,” Crosby says. “Here’s a guy who is going through something so painful, and his first thought is always, ‘How can I help others?’ When I was young, I’d watch on TV the players coming to the rink in their suits. That was a cool part of being an NHL player. I want him to feel that, to make it as real as possible for him.”

Tina tries to discreetly measure Jonny while she’s changing his dressings. But he’s way too smart for that.

“Um, Mom, why are you measuring me? Am I going for surgery again?” he asks.

“No, no!” Tina replies, trying to reassure him and come up with a good lie, all in the same breath. “The doctor needs them just to make sure they have proper dressings next time you are in.”

A few weeks later, the sharp navy blue suit shows up at their front door, along with a couple of ties, an autographed stick and a handwritten letter from Sid.

“His eyes just light up,” Tina says. “Jonny always liked to be well-dressed, and he just loves having his own suit. It fits perfectly. He looks so good in it.”

-Beauties by James Duthie (2020)

4. Pascal Dupuis inspired his Pittsburgh Penguins teammates on their run to the Stanley Cup, and Sidney Crosby found a special way of driving that message home.

Dupuis retired in December with lingering health concerns because of blood clots. Despite his NHL playing days coming to an end, the veteran forward remained an integral part of the Penguins and was in uniform to hoist the Cup after Pittsburgh's six-game win against the San Jose Sharks in the Stanley Cup Final.

On Sunday, Dupuis brought the Cup home one last time as a player to share a special day with his family, friends and hometown fans.

"Yes, it does feel bittersweet a little bit," Dupuis said. "You get the Cup, you want to celebrate. But at the same time I got a gift by the mail [Saturday]. Basically, it's a book of all the pictures of all the good stuff we went through. It came from Nova Scotia, so you guys can figure out who it came from (Crosby), but he couldn't give it to me during the season, he saw me skating a little bit.

"And he sent it [Saturday], before my day with the Cup, so he knew what he was doing to get me right here," Dupuis said, putting his fist over his heart.

-Pascal Dupuis shares Stanley Cup with family, friends, Aug 2016

5. In 2011, Crosby was out of the lineup with a concussion, and the Penguins made their annual visit to Children’s Hospital.

Crosby got along so well with one boy there and was so touched that he later asked Bullano to go back... just the two of them, no cameras, no attention.

When Bullano and Crosby met for the follow-up visit, Crosby appeared clutching a pair of Toys “R” Us bags, filled with a Transformer toy the two had discussed.

“He literally bought every type of this toy they make,” Bullano said. “[Crosby] had never seen it before and thought it was so cool.

“There are no pictures of this. There’s no video. He was laying in the bed with the kid. They were just playing. We were there for over two hours. I got to know the mom really well because we were just sitting there.

“The kid had no idea. Didn’t expect it. They had no idea he was coming. We got there and he said, ‘Hey buddy. hope you don’t mind that I came back.’ The kid couldn’t believe it.

“[Crosby’s] crazy cool about stuff like that.”

What’s crazy is trying to recount the many times stuff like this has happened with Crosby:

• The Little Penguins Learn to Play program has been around for nine seasons, outfitting now 1,200 kids with free head-to-toe hockey equipment. Not only does Crosby serve as the face of the program — which the NHL has now adopted — but he helps fund it, too.

“There’s an awareness of what a person in his position can bring,” Penguins vice president of communications Tom McMillan said. “I think he activates that as much as anybody I’ve seen during his playing career.”

• After a recent practice, Crosby noticed a local family in the Penguins dressing room, approached them, introduced himself, learned their story and wound up giving them a signed stick.

Nobody asked Crosby to do that, and he wanted zero credit when discussing it a couple days later.

“For people who have the opportunity to come in here, people dealing with certain things, if you can brighten their day a bit or spend some time with them, it’s something that’s special for all of us,” Crosby said.

• A few years ago, through a team charity event, Crosby befriended a 4-year-old Amish boy with cancer. Crosby remarked to Bullano how much he loved talking to the boy because of how engaging the boy was and how he wasn’t consumed with technology. Crosby even tried to visit the boy but learned he had passed away.

• He learns the first and last names of the kids who attend his hockey school in Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia.

“Two kids came from Japan its first year,” Bullano recalled. “He was so blown away by that. He couldn’t wait to meet them.”

• Earlier this season, the Penguins welcomed Grant Chupinka, 24-year-old cancer patient, into the dressing room. Crosby chatted up Grant and his parents, Steve and Kim.

He spent his usual time — about two or three times the requirement. Gave the tour. Then found out the Chupinkas didn’t have tickets for that night’s game and decided he would pay for them to go.

“I’m sure he could just give them an autographed puck or something, but he takes his time to go out and see them and talk to them and get to know them,” Brian Dumoulin said. “It speaks volumes for him and who he is as a person.”

Spend any length of time with Crosby during his visits with those less fortunate, and a few things become obvious.

One, Crosby is really good at these. Smooth but not in a slimy way. Sweet. You know how when you’re around someone talking and they go out of their way to make eye contact with everyone around? That’s Crosby.

He’s also humble, always introducing himself like those he’s meeting don’t already know. Holding a hand is no issue. And Crosby is the rare 20-something pro athlete without kids who acts every bit like he does.

“It is not an easy situation to talk to someone with terminal cancer,” McMillan said. “A lot of people couldn’t do that. He has an amazing ability to do that and make that person feel good.”

Crosby has welcomed several Make-a-Wish kids and tries, if at all possible, to schedule such events for practice days — to maximize the time he’s able to spend.

He’s developed a special friendship with Patrick McIlvain, a soldier who nearly died when he took a bullet to the head in Afghanistan. McIlvain actually does physical therapy with one of Crosby’s sticks.

A former club hockey player at Cal U, McIlvain comes by every year, and the Penguins don’t even bother to tell Crosby. Either he already knows or immediately stops what he’s doing to come say hello.

“He’s not doing it to leave a legacy,” said Terry Kalna, Penguins vice president of sales and broadcasting. “His numbers leave the legacy. He’s just a down-to-Earth, good guy.”

Before a visit, Crosby has Bullano email him what is essentially a scouting report on who he’s going to meet. He likes to learn about them, their situation and what they’ve been through. As much information as he can ingest. Crosby never just swoops in, shake a hand and leave.

“As much as anyone has ever seen, he accepts the responsibilities of being not just a professional athlete but a star professional athlete,” McMillan said. “He views it as part of the job. Like coming to the morning skate. That’s just what you do.”

Put another way, “he owns those moments,” says Kalna.

Said Bullano, “He’s just a good human being.”

-When it comes to giving, Sidney Crosby does as much as he can, Feb 2017

6. When Crosby received a generous signing bonus on his Reebok deal, he wanted to share it with everyone.

“He gave everyone on the bus gifts,” says Oceanic radio commentator Michel Germain. “Him sharing his bonus with all the people he’d been travelling with for two years, that impresses me greatly. I think the most important thing about Sidney Crosby is his personality and the kind of human being he is. What he exuded. The inner richness he’d already developed.”

-Superstitious and generous, Dec 2006

7. also this simply because it makes me ;w;

Even in defeat — no, especially in defeat — Sidney Crosby proved why he wears the "C" for the Penguins.

After the game, with his heart sinking and his season over, the Penguins’ captain bent over, sank to the ice to pick up the puck, took it to linesman Tony Sericolo and then skated to his team’s handshake line.

I immediately thought of a View from Ice Level I’d written on Crosby making sure a retiring official was sent away from PPG Paints Arena properly. I knew picking up the puck wasn’t for the same reason that was, but I also knew, in some way, it was connected to Crosby’s awareness and respect of the game.

“It was for the Islanders,” Crosby told me after the game, his eyes swollen from a first round exit – by way of a sweep to make it worse. He told me how the winning team always wanted the puck, and it was his way of providing it for the Islanders.

Crosby looked me right in the eye as he told me this, just as he did with every other member of the media to come to him after the loss.

I could tell from those swollen eyes and the way he sat at his stall, by himself with his hands folded as he stared blankly, that Sidney Crosby is much more used to being on the receiving end of a puck when a series ends than he is at retrieving it for the winning team.

That scene. His swollen eyes. Staying in the locker room until most had left – talking to anyone who needed him. Most of all, though, picking up the puck that prompted my question in the first place and making sure the right people got their piece of their own history.

It all adds up to one thing: In victory and in defeat, Crosby respects the game above all else – just as he’s always done.

-Even in defeat, Crosby shines, April 2019

#anyway this was a nice walk down memory lane after the disastrous game rip #sidney crosby #pittsburgh penguins #hockey #text

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angelkurenai · 3 years

Text

Imagine Pedro being teased and questioned about how close he is with you, Gal’s adopted sister, and trying his best to hide the fact that you are actually dating.

“So, Gal, I am going to direct this question mostly at you but of course anyone can get to answer. I actually wanted to know your opinion about it.” Conan said, as Gal herself nodded her head with a smile.

“Oh, please, with pleasure.”

“There have been several photos, and I do not mean just from paps or professionals. Even you on your personal instagram posted a few. Which, to say the least, broke the internet as we all saw.”

“Yeah uh truth is my instagram wasn't working for several hours afterwards and I thought it was just me but then I kept asking others and got the same reply from everyone! Turns out, we caused a blackout of sorts.” Gal laughed, admitting to it before looking away in embarrassment while the rest of the cast nodded their heads as if almost giving her a a playful glare, even through the screen of the computer.

“And the reason behind that, who would have thought, a couple photos!” Jimmy nodded his head “Your sister, your adopted sister (Y/n), came to visit you on the set of Wonder Woman 1984. It was, for lack of better words, a historic moment not just for instagram who crashed because of the popularity of the photos but also for comic book fans worldwide. It was the closest we could get to a Marvel and DC crossover.”

“You say that because she was in her costume in some of them yeah?” Gal asked with a bright smile, always loving to talk about her little sister as Conan nodded his head “Yes, it was (Y/n)'s idea and everyone knows it, I can never say no to my little sister. Plus, she was right; we had so much fun fooling around in our costumes! I had more fun than I've ever had on a set of a movie before. And, yes, I almost always enjoy the movies I'm in, but this one- this one was truly something else! We- almost everyone, I think, played along as we acted as our characters and filmed some scenes just for laughs. I really really hope they make it into the bloopers somehow.”

“So you're planning on taking down youtube next, I see. I see.” the host nodded his head with playfully narrowed eyes, seeming all suspicious and making everyone laugh.

“No, no I swear! I don't want to!” she said in between laughter “We all had so much fun and an amazing time on set and in front of the cameras, playing superheroes that it would be incredible for the fans to see! It's- Really, it is kind of an unofficial crossover that should make it to the internet at least!”

“I'll have to-” Patty spoke up “I'll have to give it to Gal, she is right. (Y/n) had this amazing idea and creative at the same time because she had a small plot in her mind and lines and everything concerning the set. We all did a small setup and filmed it and, honestly, it came out to be real good!”

“Patty is no even exaggerating and Gal is certainly right. We had so much fun filming that small crossover, and (Y/n)'s ideas were brilliant! Fans will definitely love it!” Kristen said in addition.

“She truly is an incredibly talented, smart and creative person, besides an absolute darling. So kind to everyone and sweet, we all couldn't get enough of her. And-” Patty raised a finger “I will say it here once more because Gal has heard it before: the fastest we've filmed a scene in this movie. And it was all thanks to how professional she was, it was truly incredible!”

“Well, I can't ever deny it, my little sister is the biggest star there is! Oscars or other awards aside, she proves how great she is on every set on her own!”

“And you are definitely her biggest fan, as we all can clearly tell.” Conan pointed out with a small laugh “Speaking of, I think we do have someone who could only be described as your main rival on that sweet stop of being your sister's number one fan. Someone who hasn't been shy about expressing his admiration about (Y/n) but who has yet to utter a word.” Conan looked back up from his papers and said someone almost felt his heart jump in fear and nervousness, hoping that at least nobody noticed that he was indeed being silent for a reason “Pedro, you're being uncharacteristically quiet about this one, especially for something that caused Instagram to crash within thirty minutes of the photos being uploaded. I'm not- I'm not used to this from you. Come on, talk to me. Say what's on your mind.”

“This is oddly- I'm getting strange deja vu vibes here. Must be cause of that one time I visited a therapist. Long story short, it was only one session for me and about hm at least 25 for him. I heard he's still going to a therapist now.” he shrugged casually, earning laughter from everyone. He chuckled slightly himself, glancing over the screen of his computer while trying his best to keep anything from showing on his face even more so his smile, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I mean-” he cleared his throat “Ah man, what else can I say? The ladies have spoken, and they've said exactly what- I believe anyone that gets the opportunity to work with (Y/n) or watch her movies would agree she is one of a kind.” he shrugged softly with an adorable smile “Besides, it feels like anything I say is just going to be used against me, so I- I better keep on silently observing. That does seem like it's the safest option here.”

Pedro's laugh was more of a nervous if not awkward one, but he was pretty confident it was just no different to how he would usually laugh away questions he didn't want to answer in interviews. Most celebrities did the same, he wouldn't be the first nor the last, so he didn't expect Conan to insist any further. He didn't want to push his luck, he had been really successful (if not blessed after all these close calls) with all these online interviews to not have everything revealed by accident, so now especially with the current topic, he didn't feel like messing things up. He loved this privacy, he didn't want to lose it not yet, he wanted you and this all to himself for now. And he wanted the story of how you met, of how over that one month and a half on set he felt himself fall in love with you.

And yet... Yet, he was probably a weak man, a man who couldn't help but indulge even if he knew it could probably get him in trouble. You were worth it, though, you were worth all of it and as you were his weakest spot and so indulge he did. He slowly chewed on his lower lip and he so subtly looked over the screen of his computer.

His eyes fell on you, still splayed on his bed, book in one hand and steaming mug on the nightstand – your nightstand on your side of the bed, the thought of which made his heart flutter inside his chest – hair slightly messy, that oversized Mandalorian shirt on, which you'd gotten all excited amongst many many more fandom related toys a couple months ago and couldn't wait for him to see. A shirt which had, inevitably, ended up being taken off you barely ten minutes later starting from him stealing kisses and leading to the two of you making love till the very morning in between endless giggles. The pup you'd gotten – the both of you – not so long ago made a small noise drawing your attention for a short moment as you kept petting him, the both of you too tired to do anything else after an exhausting day of playing. Pedro couldn't complain, although he'd been a part of it he had mostly spent time filming everything even if you hadn't been the one to ask him to, he couldn't help it.

It was something that the both of you decided on and although you hadn't said it out loud, you both knew and at least Pedro hoped, that it was the next step, a very important one, in your relationship besides you moving in with him. To be responsible for another living being together was, if not a test, at least a way to see how well you could cooperate. And, if he could say so himself, you had been doing great so far.

“Good morning, darling. Here for morning kisses? Yes? Come up here.” your giggles were able to warm him more than the sunlight coming through the window “Ooooh someone really loves mommy, don't you?”

And then your words set his entire being alight. Or more specifically that one particular word.

“Well-” he stretched a bit, his arms finding your waist again to bring you closer and cuddle with you “Who doesn't love mommy in this house?” he couldn't help it as his smile turned into a lovestruck grin “Morning, mi amor.”

“Good morning, darling.” you pecked his lips “And don't worry, mommy loves daddy back, enough to make up for the rest of the world.”

As if reading his mind, you chose to look up from your book at him, smiling as you held his gaze for a good few seconds. So much love was evident, even in those few seconds, he could almost feel his own heart burst. Yet another reason for him to control his reactions from showing just how much on high on happiness and love he was. You shook your head, eyes wide as you heard Conan speak again, you playfully mouthed to him “Focus!”

As subtly as possible he tried to clear his throat and taking the mug of coffee that was beside his computer, he took a sip and decided to focus on it as much as he could. Until the subject changed, at least.

“...Wise man. I feel you, so don't worry I'll leave you to it.” if only he knew the big sigh of relief Pedro tried to hold back as Conan continued “It's the tactic I follow 99% of the time when I'm out with my wife, just smile and wave kind of thing. Alright-” he nodded his head in thought “Alright, well, let me ask you all something else. You keep saying in front of the cameras and talking about this small crossover, but I assume she must have been around for longer than that, yes?”

“Yes, yes she was there for at least a month, a month and a half I think. She was on vacation, after being done with filming, and she decided that before heading home that she'd come by and visit us. It was meant to be for a short period of time. She loved the place... the people, perhaps, how could I know for sure?” she shrugged not looking innocent in the least bit, earning a few laughs.

“Anyway-” she cleared her throat “And you see before she knew it, before we all did, one week turned into two turned into three and so on. It-” she chuckled “She was around on set and with us on all those beautiful locations we were in. And while we were all working and walking around with purpose and the need to finish this scene with so much pressure on- on our shoulders and she was just sitting around with a iced coffee or tea on her hand, sunglasses on and phone on the other hand looking she didn't have a single care in the world. It kind of made everyone a little bit jealous to be honest.”

“A little? Cause I sense that there's more than you're letting on, Gal. Come on, spill the tea.”

“Alright more than a little.” she laugh “I mean, it wasn't all the time, of course. Just the first couple days mostly but you can imagine how it was. It seemed like she did it on purpose sometimes.”

“Twistin' the knife even deeper, that's what she's best at. Oh I know!” Conan nodded his head “I'm actually afraid to invite her on the show because I fear how bad she'll roast me. Andy-” he laughed “Andy is the only one who has the most fun during those interviews.”

“I know right? Boy you tell me!” Gal exclaimed “That little shit. I adore her to no end but I really had the hardest of time when she was around. She just had to make comments on everything she could, especially when I was acting. I couldn't stop laughing sometimes, but nobody got mad at her. It was always my fault somehow!”

“I mean she's just so sweet, how could we be mad at her?” Patty added.

“She messed up so many of my scenes!” Gal pretended to be angry but her smile gave it away “But it's true, I couldn't even be mad at her. I don't get to see her that often, because of the work we both do, so I would give anything to have my sister with me like that every other chance I got. Even if I got all the blame for it, there's nothing I wouldn't do for her, you understand.”

“Aw that's- that's incredibly sweet, actually. It's- that's the exact opposite of me and my brother so no I can't really understand to be honest, but alright.” Conan laughed “Well, then, you really got your chance this time, right? You had the opportunity to spend all this time with her. When you were not working of course.”

“I...” Gal trailed off, her smile turning into a mischievous one but the rest of her expression trying to remain innocent, and failing at it because she truly wasn't even trying “Well, I would say yes. And I would agree with you. And I would even ramble about the wonderful two months I spent with my sister... If that had been the case. If I had really seen her for more than a week total, then yeah I would say that.”

“Wha- P-Pardon me?” Conan blinked in surprise “Didn't you j-just say your sister was with you on set for about two months? Or have I been in a parallel universe all this time and I just now came back to our reality?”

“Oh no it's very much our reality but I also did mean what I said. My sister was on set, and I did see her quiet often. But did I spend almost all of my free time with her? Did she spend hers with me? Nope. And that-” again with a far-from-innocent shrug “That is probably the only question I can answer. What she did? Did she have fun?... Who she was with? I wish I knew. What I know is I wasn't the one closest to her on set.”

“So you're telling me, (Y/n) was on set full of people she didn't really know, and you, her sister, barely spent any time with her? I'm gonna assume the rest of you didn't spend more time with her compared to Gal, right?” he asked and got nods from everyone, well, everyone who had their eyes on their screen and therefore looking at Conan, because there was still one that would avoid eye-contact even through the screen “Well, then, who was closest to her on set, if not you?”

“She, well-” Gal paused, smile all too sweet as she added “There could be someone...”

Said someone who couldn't even look up from his mug of coffee, as if it was the most interesting thing in the entire world, and didn't dare say a word for fearing of messing things up; even if his silence spoke volumes as it was. A silence which was... even more intense than before. Even more... real. Probably because it wasn't just in his head, probably because it wasn't just from his part.

Blinking several times, he slowly raised his head to look up from his mug and at the screen of his computer. Only to be met with the eyes of the rest of the group staring at... well, they were staring at the screen of their own computers but for some reason – a reason which he knew all too well – he felt like all eyes were suddenly on him. And they probably were. Because Gal was being nice about it but almost everyone had noticed how much time you had spent with Pedro during those almost two months. You had just met back then so they didn't imply anything back then but now... now they could just as well do so.

“I-” he laughed and he hated how nervous he sounded “Is it time to talk about my character?” he asked almost shyly, nearly praying on the inside that they would say yes and let him change the subject “Well, Max Lord is a guy who-”

“Are you trying to change the subject there, Pedro? One can wonder why.” Conan narrowed his eyes “Come on, don't be shy. Share your opinion here, or maybe your personal experience. Since I am assuming you do have one?”

“Yes, Pedro, why don't you share your opinion with us?” Gal raised an eyebrow, small smirk on her lips “You've been particularly interested in that drink the past couple minutes apparently.”

“I-” Pedro paused, before shaking his head with a laugh “This is going to be a long interview. I can tell.”

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zackcollins · 3 years

Text

speechless || bo bichette

masterlist

Author’s Note: Hello! Everyone gets a treat of a second fic today because I was in a mood to write. Hope that’s okay. Idk man. When you’re in the mood to write, you write. And sometimes, you just wanna post right away because you’re too impatient to wait. Ya know? Anyways. GIF credit to glasnow!

Warnings: An anxiety attack. That’s probably it??? I don’t think there’s anything else. Feel free to let me know otherwise and I’ll fix this warnings section for you.

Word Count: 1.9k+

Title: Speechless by Dan + Shay

Additional: The reader should be gender neutral again! I don’t think I used any identifying language or pronouns or anything. If I did, it was accidental because I was hella distracted watching my dog while my grandparents went grocery shopping. As always, let me know how I did because constructive criticism is always welcomed!

Tagging: @whimsical-daydreams�� @donttelltheelf-x

You had suffered from severe anxiety; it had been a part of your life for as long as you could remember. At this point, it had totally consumed you. You could hardly do anything anymore without your anxiety trying to take over in some form or another. It was the worst feeling in the world.

That's why it was like all your prayers had been answered when Bo waltzed into your life. For the first time in your life, you were able to open up about your anxiety with someone. There was just something about Bo that made you feel safe, secure, and like nothing would ever hurt you again.

You had been dating for about two and a half years before your relationship changed. It changed on what had otherwise been a quiet day in the middle of February. Snow was falling outside of your house, blowing around peacefully in the evening breeze. You were sitting on the window seat of the living room window, staring out onto the street while idly sipping on a mug of hot chocolate.

Somewhere outside, you heard a dog distantly barking. You found it odd because to the best of your knowledge, nobody in the housing community you and Bo lived in had a dog. Most of them had cats because they were easier for their housekeepers to look after when they were away on business trips or vacation. You quickly shook it out of your mind, though, thinking it only to be a dog that had wandered in from somewhere nearby. It wasn't entirely unlikely for that to happen because some of the people in the housing communities on either side had been known to let their dogs roam freely from time to time.

A couple of minutes later, you heard the front door to the house open. That snapped you out of thinking about the barking dog because you needed to know who walked in. Turning around, you heaved a relieved sign when you saw Bo standing in the entryway. You felt a little anxious, however, when you saw that he had placed a rather large box at his feet. Placing your hot chocolate on the windowsill, you walked over to Bo.

"What's this, sweetie?" You asked, walking all the way around the box. You wanted to see if it had some sort of label or marking on it that would hint at what was inside; it did not. All it had was a pink ribbon embossed with white hearts tied around it.

Bo smiled as he was undressing from his winter apparel. He tossed his hat into the closet. He unzipped his coat and carefully placed it on one of the coat hooks beside the door. Lastly came his boots. He slipped out of those and tossed them haphazardly onto the plastic boot mat you had bought specifically for the winter so snow wouldn’t be tracked all over your house. He ended up bowling over your boots and a spare pair of boots you kept in case of emergencies. You glared at him, crossing your arms over your chest. Bo raised his arms in surrender as he stepped forward and gave you a quick kiss. You relaxed, kissing him back as you wrapped your arms around his back. When you pulled apart, Bo stepped aside and motioned to the box.

"If you wanna know what’s inside,” Bo produced a pocket knife seemingly out of nowhere because you didn’t know him to carry one. He handed it to you and motioned to the box a second time. “All you have to do is open it.”

You walked forward and leaned over, carefully cutting the ribbon a couple of times so that it was easier to untangle from the box. Once you had all of the ribbon untangled and balled up, you placed it along with the knife on the console table next to you. When you looked back at Bo, he gave you an encouraging nod and a soft smile. You bit your lip nervously as you carefully lifted the lid off of the box. What was inside made you blink in surprise. Staring back at you was a beagle puppy. You had to blink a couple of more times, just to make sure that truly weren't imagining this. When you surmised that this was, in fact, a real dog sitting in the box, you lifted them out, cradling them in your arms. They even kissed you on the chin a couple of times. That was also all it took for you to be absolutely smitten with this puppy.

Just as you went to put the puppy down, the light from the chandelier made something on their collar glisten. At first, you thought it was name tags or the city registration tags. But, when you examined it, you discovered that it was an engagement ring. You turned to ask Bo about it. Much to your surprise, he was down on one knee, holding his hands out. You handed him the dog (who you could now see was a boy), thinking that was what he wanted. Bo chuckled as he scritched the dog behind the ears. The dog sighed, jackrabbitting his back foot in satisfaction. You huffed an amused breath, rolling your eyes and chuckling.

Bo carefully put the dog down and took the ring off of his collar. He gave him a few more ear scritches which made the dog flop on the floor and curl in a ball. Bo rolled his eyes before he looked up at you, holding the ring in your direction.

"Since I know I'm the best thing to happen to you and you're the best thing to happen to me," Bo paused, wiping tears out of the corners of his eyes, "I was wondering if you'd marry me?"

You clammed up. You felt your anxiety wash over you like a giant wave crashing into the surf. You fell to the floor, chanting a bunch of incoherent nonsense as you curled into a ball and clutched your knees tightly to your chest. You rocked back and forth, tears streaming down your face as you continued to death-grip your knees. It was then that you felt Bo wrap you in his arms. He cradled you, rocking you in time with how you were rocking yourself. Only, he was doing it softer, gentler. He was also mumbling some of his stats from last season, the stats from the hockey game you watched yesterday. Hell, he even started mumbling what you needed to buy when you went grocery shopping the next time. Anything mundane and boring because he knew that was what generally helped you out of anxiety episodes. The more boring the better. It gave a sense of normalcy and order that helped your brain to focus on the everyday parts of life as opposed to the falsehoods of meaningless compliments that people only said to you when you were in the middle of an anxiety episode.

Hearing about baseball and hockey stats as well as what groceries you needed to buy helped remarkably well. You calmed down relatively quickly given how badly this attack had started. You tilted your head, looking Bo in the eyes. Your eyes were full of a question that didn’t need to be asked but probably should be anyways. Bo, knowing how to read you by now, simply nodded. He met you halfway as you connected your lips. You shared a brief, albeit meaningful kiss.

When you broke your lips apart, you held your hand out. "Of course I'll marry you."

You smiled, though it was a little awkward because you were still recovering from your anxiety attack, as Bo placed the ring on your finger. You moved your hand around, looking at the ring from every angle. It was a gorgeous ring. It was also simple and not very flashy. Which is something you had told Bo you wanted when the time came for him to finally propose. You weren’t a flashy or extravagant person so there was no need to have a flashy or extravagant ring. The thought of having an expensive or flashy ring made you really anxious. You were afraid that somebody would break in and steal it from you. And you didn’t want to live the entire rest of your life in fear that someone was going to break into your house to steal something from you. You had told Bo that that was no way to live. That’s why you were content with a small, simple ring. You didn’t have to live in a constant state of anxiety that some schmuck off the street was going to get the wise idea to break in one night and rob you of it. And the ring Bo had picked was exactly the ring you had been eyeing the last time you were in a jewellery store. So, it worked out even better.

Bo snapped you out of your thought by grabbing you by the chin with his thumb and forefinger. He tilted your face up so that you were looking at each other directly. Bo’s eyes flitted down to your lips and then quickly back up to look at you. You nodded as best you could with Bo holding onto your chin, a soft smile breaking out across your lips. Bo smiled back, dropping his hand away from your chin. He, instead, grabbed your hand and interlaced your fingers. You huffed softly before you leaned forward and connected your lips with Bo’s. Bo smirked into the kiss, bringing his other hand up and resting it against your shoulder. The kiss was far more passionate than the first and you swore it could’ve gone on forever and ever. The only reason you stopped was because the puppy weaseled his way in between you and licked both of your noses. Bo laughed and booped the puppy on his nose. You made an amused noise and scritched the puppy's chest.

Bo turned back to you after you both spent a few moments playing with the puppy. "Sorry for surprising you. I know how you hate surprises."

"It's alright, Bo. It would've defeated the whole purpose if you told me," you responded, moving in closer to Bo.

At that moment, the puppy plopped himself down in between the two of you. You both scratched him behind either ear. He made a soft groan of appreciation, before falling fast asleep. He was snoring softly after a few moments which made both you and Bo chuckle bemusedly.

"What do we name him?" Bo asked, picking him up and placing him in your lap.

"Biscuit!" You replied with excitement. The dog responded to that, briefly opening his eyes and snuffling before he went back to sleep. "See! He likes that name."

Your smile grew wider as your leaned down and gave Biscuit a kiss on the head. He snuffled again, his tail wagging against your knee. You lit up significantly, almost forgetting that you had had an anxiety attack a few minutes ago.

“Scratch that,” you said, a smile beaming on your face. “He loves that name.”

Bo just shook his head, chuckled, and waved a dismissive hand at you. "You're such a huge dork. You know that, right?"

"But I’m your huge dork," you replied, pointing to the ring on your finger as proof of that claim.

"Yes, yes you are."

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sergeantxrogers · 3 years

Text

| confused all the time |

Summary: Bucky’s back, and Steve doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (post CA:TWS)

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: Angst, violence, slight TW for physical abuse (but not really), just a shit ton of crying because apparently I can’t have a fic without some hurt/comfort

__________________________________

"It was him, I just know it. I would bet my life on it."

Steve ran his hands through his hair for the hundredth time, pacing the floor of your shared bedroom.

You sat in the middle of the bed, legs crossed and frowning. You were worried for him, you really were. Of course, you trusted Steve, with your life practically, and you believed him, but seeing him in this state made you upset.

Apparently, seeing his best friend after decades of thinking he was dead hadn't affected him very positively. There's also the small additional fact that he, the aforementioned best friend, had no idea who Steve was. After finding him on the river bank, last seeing him falling through the sky along with the rubble into the water, lids heavy and barely breathing, soaking wet and cold, it had taken you several days to bring him out of the state of shock he was in.

He had kept insisting it was Bucky who had dragged him out of the water; kept insisting that he saw the hesitation in his eyes before he threw the final punch; kept insisting he had recognized him. You pulled him through every claim with silent nods and the occasional "I know, babe".

Today was different though. It had been 8 days since the incident on the helicarrier, and Steve had been losing his mind bit by bit everyday trying to piece together the how, when and why of the whole situation. Which brought you to right now, watching him shut his eyes and let out deep breaths trying to calm himself down.

"How is it even..," he started quietly. You got up on your knees and moved over to the edge of the bed, leaning a bit to reach out to him.

"I saw him fall," he stated blankly, taking your outstretched hand mindlessly, interlacing your fingers. You bit the inside of your cheek and tilted your head at him.

"Stevie...," you began, and he pulled his hand from yours suddenly.

"I saw him, Y/N, I couldn't see anything else for months. I couldn't sleep because all I could see were his eyes losing hope and all I could hear was him screaming."

You nodded slightly, getting up off the bed and slowly making your way a couple steps over to him.

"So how? How? I know it's him, I just can't, for the life of me, understand how," he said desperately as his head shot up to make eye contact with you. You let out a deep sigh as you grabbed his hands in your own, trying to give him some sense of stability, if only for a split second. You admit, it was very hard to believe, and somewhere in the back of your mind you worried that Steve had lost his mind completely; it had only been a matter of time, honestly, considering everything he'd been through. You had no idea how to talk to him about this, but you knew you should approach the subject lightly.

"Steve, honey, I know you must miss him a lot, and I know it was a horrible thing for you to see him... go like that... but-"

His eyes that were previously burning holes into the floor shot up to meet yours, seemingly furious.

Okay, so maybe it could've been approached even lighter. Oops.

"But? But what?" he challenged, daring you to finish the sentence. In all honestly, you had no idea where you were planning on going with it, but now you were nervous. Very, very nervous.

Steve had this incredulous are you kidding me look he gave people when they said something stupid or rude. It was one of those looks where the disappointment was obvious and whoever it was directed at felt immediate regret. The look of God's Righteous Man and America's Golden Boy, and all that. And you were sure as hell feeling that regret right about now.

"Go on, finish your sentence, honey," he ended on a sarcastic note, pulling away from you to cross his arms. You felt your stomach clench as he leaned his head back to look down at you, raising a brow in waiting.

You swallowed, and shook your head slowly, not knowing what to say. You just wanted to help him, but seeing Bucky like that had made him act like a completely different person ever since. He was frustrated all the time, he tended to roll his eyes at people way more than appropriate, and he always got lost in his thoughts, not registering anything or anyone around him for hours at a time. Nobody knew what to expect from him at any given moment, which is what made your pulse pick up speed. You weren't necessarily afraid of him; Steve would kill himself before he ever deliberately hurt you, but you hated confrontation of any kind.

Steve took a step towards you, and in turn you took a step back. Your brows furrowed as you opened and closed your mouth repeatedly, racking through your brain for something to say to diffuse the situation before it got too out of hand.

"Steve, I'm just... worried about you," you let out honestly.

"You haven't been sleeping... you haven't been eating as much as you should, you've been snapping at people who are just trying to help you..."

You caught the way his nostrils flared slightly at the last part, before he took another wide step in your direction. You took another step back. He did it again, but this time when you stepped back, you were met with the cool surface of the wall against you.

"Baby...," he says lowly, lowering his head to meet your eyes at the same level, "... do you, by any chance, think I'm overreacting? Or do you maybe not believe me?"

Clenching your teeth, you wanted nothing more than to reach your arms out and have him fall into them, but you knew it wasn't the right situation for it. Instead, he placed his hands on either side of your head, trapping you. You sucked in a sharp breath through your nose before speaking.

"No, you know I believe you. You know I'll always be by your side, right or wrong, it's just... you've been so preoccupied with this that it's changing you."

Steve's jaw tensed and he closed his eyes, dropping his head.

"I'm just so confused all the time," he whispered, just barely.

"I know, baby, I know," you cooed, and you brought your hands up to hold his face.

The minute your fingers made contact with his skin, he snapped.

"Stop saying you fucking know, Y/N!" he yelled, slamming the wall to the left of your head with each word, and your heart jumped. You flinched, drawing your hands into yourself immediately, turning your head away from his hand.

"You don't fucking know anything I'm going through, nobody does and I just want some goddamn answers!" he continued furiously.

You felt tears in your eyes and heard Steve take deep breaths. You didn't know what had shocked you more, the fact that Steve swore, the close proximity of his hand to your head or the fact that he had finally cracked, nonetheless, at you.

Your hands shook ever so slightly at your sides as you refused to open your eyes. Steve's labored breaths slowed, and you heard his hands slide down and off the wall. Feeling him step away from you, you opened your eyes just a bit. It was enough to see him looking at you with regret in his eyes. You saw the clarity flood them as his bottom lip trembled; he was about to cry at what he just did.

Your body filled with worry as you surged forwards, arms reaching out to him, but he held his own up and quickly moved away from you. You stood there, both of you worried, eyes filled with tears, hands held up in surrender and hopelessness. It was quiet. Quieter than what you were used to with Steve, and you didn't like it.

Tears ran down his cheeks and he brought one hand up to his hair, pulling at it, a habit he had when he was frustrated with himself. Turning his head away from you, he went to sit on the bed and rested his head in his hands.

You followed him. You knew he didn't plan for that to play out the way it did, so you weren't mad. But you also knew he was mad at himself now, for letting himself go that far. Feeling you come closer, Steve's head shot up from his hands and he quickly shook his head.

"No-" he choked out, holding his hand out to stop you from coming any nearer, afraid of hurting you. The sight of him made your heart hurt, and you felt cool air on the wet streaks your tears left behind on your face as you walked to stand straight in front of him, pushing his hand away.

He kept pushing you back with his hand, and you kept pushing it away from you, determined to hold him even if it was the last thing you'd ever do.

He let out continuous whimpers: "stop", "please don't", "I'm so sorry", "I can't-".

Your hands trembled as you pushed his hand away harder than before.

"Steven, fucking stop it," you said through clenched teeth, pushing at his hands, hating the way the two of you must've looked, and hating the way he was retreating into himself, too scared to even look you in the eyes.

You finally managed to drop to your knees in front of him sitting on the edge of the bed, and you rested your hands on his knees.

"Stevie, it's oka-," you started.

Cutting you off, he took a deep, trembling breath and slid off the bed. His legs on either side of you, head hanging low, he timidly ran his hands up your thighs and over your hips, bringing them to rest loosely on your waist. Grabbing his head and lifting it so you could look at him better, he let out a deep, pained whine when his eyes met your own.

"Everything is just so much," he whispered and brought his head forward to rest against your chest, moving his arms to wrap around your waist. Another wave of tears washed over you and you brought your arms up to wrap around his neck, placing a soft kiss to his hair.

"I'm just so tired," he whined out into your chest, the words vibrating deep in your soul, and you pinched your eyes shut to keep anymore new tears from falling.

Nodding silently, you stroked the back of his head softly.

You placed another kiss on his head, humming through it, rocking side to side slowly. He was going to beat himself up about this for a long, long time, you just knew it. Your travelled down to his back, tracing patterns on it as his breath steadied.

"It's okay... it's okay," you mumbled into his hair, barely audible, but the kisses you felt him leaving on your chest showed you he heard.

You sat there for an hour, rocking him back and forth, until he fell asleep.

You sat there for another as he slept, until your back was sore and your legs were numb.

You didn't care though, Steve had done the same and more for you countless of times. He was always there, as were you.

No, you didn't understand what he was going through, he was right about that part. But, feeling his body relax into yours, feeling the grip he had on your waist loosen, feeling his breath go steady, feeling the wet spots on your shirt where his tears had soaked through, you were determined to try.

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fluff #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #marvel #mcu #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction

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rowansparrow · 3 years

Text

By Any Other Name: Chapter Nine (READ WARNINGS)

Summary: After devastating news, Rex and Reader must rush to stop Fives from taking drastic action.

Chapter Rating: Mature

Warnings: There are descriptions of a s*icide attempt in both the italicized sections and non-italicized sections of this chapter. When reblogging this, I ask that you please include a trigger warning in the tags for the safety and comfort of others. Thank you. (If you do not like these themes or these things upset you, DM me and I can give you a quick summary of what happens so you can skip this chapter)

Ships: Rex x Female!Reader, Fives x Female!Reader, Echo x Female!Reader, Clone OC x Female!Reader, other ships tbd.

Tags: #ByAnyOtherName, #BAON

Word Count: 3.3k of pure agony

A/N: Welcome to hell.

As always, bless @fat-zygerrian for being my beta reader!

Comment if you want to be tagged! Reblogs are SO appreciated!

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight

It hurt. You had not expected it to hurt. After being numb for so long you thought you were beyond feeling, now.

For a brief moment it had succeeded in distracting you. Your grief, your exhaustion, the numbness that had filled your every moment… it all dissipated between one heartbeat and the next as the blood cascaded down your knuckles. The fractured mirror distorted your reflection. A large piece of glass glared back up at you from the basin of the sink. Your blood steadily dripped onto it from where it streamed down your bloodied hands.

The glass had ribboned your hands where you’d struck the mirror, glass jutting painfully from your skin. But all the same, you felt relieved. You could not stand the sight of your own face anymore. Not when Rose wasn’t there behind you, with his beautiful smile and loving eyes.

Picking up the piece of glass from the sink your body sunk down to the ground. You pressed your back weakly against the wall. It would be so easy. So quick. One quick movement and you’d be dead in a matter of minutes..

You absently noted the blood flowing down your arms at an alarming rate. You felt dizzy, cold. You had obviously injured yourself worse than anticipated. Maybe the decision was made for you and now you’d bleed out on your own...

You were still holding the glass in your red hand when you heard the front door open. Dimly, you registered someone calling your name.

You shifted, deciding to lie against the floor instead. The tile cools your hot cheeks and dried some of your tears. The blood from your hands and arms filled the crevices of the tile, inching towards your face.

You’d locked the refresher door. A knock. Someone was calling your name again.

In your feeble state you thought that the voice belonged to Rose. That Rose had come for you. A weak smile pulled the corner of your lips. He’d just come home from his mission. Rose was looking for you. The world grew quiet and dark around you. Cold. But Rose was calling for you. You could feel his hands on you. They were warm. You gasped upon feeling his hot breath against your lips but felt too weak to open your eyes to see him.

“Wake up.” His voice called, barely a whisper.

You let out a soft sound, trying to reach out to him. To reach Rose.

“Wake up.” Muffled, like he was calling to you from far away.

I’m trying, you wanted to tell him. I’m trying, I’m coming, I love you, I’m coming.

The voice grew louder and you suddenly remembered Rose was dead, cold and buried somewhere far, far away. Somewhere you couldn’t reach him. You gripped the glass tighter and the jagged edges dug even deeper into your flesh.

“WAKE UP!!”

Your eyes flew open. The bright light of the bathroom was partially obscured by the face looming overhead. Groaning, you closed your eyes again. Too bright. Too much.

“No, no – dammit all! Keep your eyes open! You’re okay. You’re okay! You’re going to be fine.” Fives was frantic, his voice higher than you had ever heard it before. Wild panic flared in his expression. One arm wrapped around your shoulders as he half-held you in his lap, the other hand pressing roughly against your wrist.

“You’re going to push the glass in deeper!” Echo snarled somewhere to your left. You caught a glimpse of him tearing through his pack, a med-kit strewn open on the floor before him.

“She’s karking bleeding, Echo! Give me a better solution if you have one!”

“Both of you stop arguing.” Kix’s voice echoed from a comm-link on the floor near Fives’ thighs. “Focus or she’s going to bleed out. Where’s the worst of it coming from?”

“Her palms – n-no, her wrist. Her left wrist.. it’s bad.” Fives said, looking you over quickly. “Kriff, she’s ripped to hell, Kix.”

“Go away.” You mumbled, your eyes fluttering shut once more.

“Respectfully, shut up.” Echo replied, focused as he grabbed one of your arms, finding the wounds without glass in them and wrapping them in bacta patches. Your skin burned as the bacta took effect almost immediately.

“Give me the tweezers.” Fives snapped, pulling your other arm up towards him.

“No, your hands are shaking. Focus on keeping her conscious, I’ll handle the glass.” Echo shook his head and you heard him take a steadying breath. “What were you thinking, mesh’la?”

You saw blood – your blood – on Echo’s gloves and Fives’ armor plates. You wondered if Rose had bled when he died too, or if his heart stopped beating instantly.

“You aren’t kriffing dying.” Fives hissed. You hadn’t realized you’d spoken aloud. “Echo? How’s it coming?” He demanded.

“Almost got it.” Echo murmured, his tweezers focused on your hands as he plucked the glass quickly from your skin.

“I’m almost there.” Kix’s voice echoed across the comm-link again. “The Captain is with me.”

“Got it!” Echo was triumphant, flinging the last bit of glass aside and ripping a bandage open with his teeth. He passed a second one to Fives as he wrapped the biggest of your injuries. “This’ll hold until Kix can get a look at her.”

Fives sagged with relief, muttering a prayer to whatever gods were listening before turning his head to the comm-link. “Should we move her?”

“No, keep her still. I’m coming up now.”

You felt Fives’ gloved hand brush against your cheek, clearing away tears you hadn’t realized you’d been crying.

“It’s alright, we’ve got you.” He murmured. “You’re going to be okay.”

You lost count of how many hours you’d stayed curled up on the couch, sobbing against your knees.

When Fives had broken the news about Echo you wanted to scream. You wanted to cry. You wanted to break things, hurt people and wail to the gods; why, why, why would they let this happen again!

But you did none of those things. Instead you took a steadying breath, trying to keep yourself together.

“What can I do?” You whispered. “Fives, what do you need?”

“I don’t… I don’t know.” Fives seemed oddly calm himself. “I think – think I might be in shock, still.”

“Should I call Rex?” The tears were coming but you kept your voice in check. “Do you want me to meet you at the base? I can wait for you right outside the watch posts -.”

“No. I think I need to be around vode for a little bit.” His voice cracked slightly on the Mando’a word and your heart clenched.

“Okay. I’m here, whatever you need.”

“Are you okay on your own?”

Your heart twisted all over again. Fives had just lost his twin and he was still worrying over you.

“I’m okay, don’t worry about me. Fives, I’m so sorry.”

“I – I couldn’t keep him safe.” Fives whispered. “Kriff, I’m the last one. I’m the only one left.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t be the only one left.” He mumbled. “I can’t.”

“Fives? Talk to me.”

He hadn’t responded. Instead letting the call end with the soft click of his communicator. Then you’d finally allowed the tears to flow.

It was the soft knock on your door that finally pulled you from your stupor. With that, you rose to your feet sluggishly, wiping hot tears as the door slid open.

Rex’s expression softened the second he took in your face. “C’mere.” He murmured, stepping into the apartment and pulling you gently into his arms. His armor was uncomfortable, but you tucked your head against his chest nonetheless, finding comfort in his actions.

“How’s he doing?” Rex asked softly, pulling away and wiping at your tears with his gloved hand. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to get over here. I… I came as soon as I could -.”

“Who?” You sniffed, your breathing still a little shaky.

“Fives.” Rex repeated. “Is he in your room?”

“He isn’t – he isn’t here.” You mumbled, taking a slow breath. “He said he wanted to stay with the boys tonight..”

Rex screwed up his face in confusion for a moment. “Okay. Alright, cyar’ika, hang tight.” He guided you back to the couch, settling you against the cushions before heading into your kitchen, talking softly into his comm-link as he went.

“Anybody have eyes on Fives?”

You were too far from him to hear the responses of his men. When Rex returned to you a few moments later with a cup of water, you accepted it gratefully and listened in.

“Negative sir, thought he was dismissed?” Came Hardcase’s response.

“He was. I sent him to Y/Ns’ but he’s not here.” Rex replied, his voice measured.

“He told me he was staying on base.” You repeated.

“I know, little one.” Rex sat a little closer, putting a comforting arm around you. “When we landed, I told him to come straight here and wait for me. I even had Kix file a medical report giving him additional leave.” Rex redirected his attention to his comm. “Kix, have you seen him?”

“Not since you landed, sir. He came by asking for Downers. Said he just wanted to sleep.”

Rex’s expression darkened. “Did you give him any?”

“Negative. Just told him about the medical leave and sent him on his way.”

There was something about the way Rex’s expression tightened, the way in which his jaw was set a little too tense, that made your gut knot.

“Rex?” You asked him quietly.

“Nobody’s seen him anywhere on base?” Rex repeated.

“I can ask around, sir. But I don’t think he’s here.” Jesse said.

“Maybe he went to 79’s? Or the Lounge?” You suggested.

Rex nodded absently though you could tell he was still concerned. Regardless, he focused back on you. “What do you need?” He asked softly. “Have you eaten?”

“I…” You shook your head, unable to stop your next words. “..I need Echo back.”

You knew it didn’t help anyone to say it but you couldn’t stop yourself. Rex squeezed your shoulder gently though his eyes avoided your own.

“I know, cyar’ika. I know.”

“What – what happened?”

Rex sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. “They blew up our ship.” He said finally. “Echo was.. He was too close.”

You felt the tears start up fresh and you buried your face in your hands. Rex’s hand moved to your back and began a soothing rhythm.

At least it had been quick. Quick and painless, just like Rose -.

Each thought that raced through your brain tumbled over the next, remembering suddenly what you’d been doing before Fives called you.

“Rex,” You lifted your head, swiping at the tears again. “Rex, about – about what happened with -.”

“Hold on.” He cut you off, his communicator beeping at him again as he flicked it on. A little holo-projection appeared before the two of you, a single red blip beeping on the map.

“What is that?” You asked.

“Fives’ location. Er, his armor at least. There are trackers embedded in clone armor, so we can find our people if anyone goes MIA.” Rex answered, distracted, zooming in on the blip. “Looks like he’s right outside the Lounge.”

You frowned and looked a little closer. You recognized the topography, the layouts of the building, the way the blip flickered just slightly off the Lounge itself -.

“Rex.” You murmured. “He isn’t outside the Lounge, he’s above it.” You looked up at him, eyes alit with worry. “He’s on the roof. On the landing platform. I’m sure of it.”

You thought back to his call. The way his voice shook, how unsteady and yet oddly calm his demeanor was. The cadence of his breathing. The fear, the grief, the loss.

“We… We talked before.” You said quietly. “He said he couldn’t be the only one left.”

You had heard stories from your boys. They’d told you about Domino Squad. About how their brotherhood was the only thing that had kept them going through all the loss.

And now Fives was on the roof.

You and Rex both reached the same conclusion. He leapt to his feet, opening your front door and flying down the hall, you hot on his heels. There was no time for hesitance.

“Do you have a speeder?!” Rex shouted over his shoulder. He was darting down the stairs, too impatient to wait for a turbolift.

“Yes!” You shouted back, heart pounding in your chest. You held your communicator in one hand, taking the stairs two at a time as you frantically tried calling Fives. Rex was doing the same thing a few feet in front of you.

His feet hit the ground first, peeling across the hangar bay floor towards the docks. “Which one?!”

“Here!” You shouted back, grabbing your speeder. He swung one leg over and mounted it quickly. You hopped on behind him and held tight to his waist with one arm while your other one kept trying to call Fives. “Fives, pick up!! Answer me!”

A rare Coruscanti thunderstorm peeled across the horizon, rain smacking your face like bullets, despite the bit of cover Rex’s back gave you.

“Kix, how close are you to the Lounge?” Rex shouted into his own communicator, whizzing through traffic as fast as your speeder would go.

“Er, I’m still on base sir, is everything -.”

“Get to the lounge, now!” Rex ordered. “As fast as you can.”

“Yes sir.” Kix knew better than to question the Captain.

Rex gunned it, forcing you to hold on tighter.

You made it to the lounge in record time. Rex forced the speeder into a slide as he came to a stop right by the front doors. He wasted no time, bolting into the club and vaulting over the bar, booking it for the back stairs. You followed a few breaths behind, taking the stairs two at a time and throwing the doors to the roof open.

The rain battered the rooftop, the neon from surrounding buildings reflecting back onto the rain, but you barely noticed the rain. Your eyes were trained on Rex, his hands raised to the level of his shoulders, extended slightly in front of him in surrender. Ahead of him, gripping the railing of the loading dock with one hand and a blaster pistol in the other, was Fives.

Even from a distance, you could see the wild look in Fives’ eyes. It was easy to see the state of manic desperation he was experiencing. The rain and wind whipped around him, the old dock groaning and jerking in the storm.

“Get down from there!” You shouted, starting to move towards him. It was then that you realized the blaster pistol in his hand was trained on Rex. Then as you took a step forward, it moved to you instead.

“DON’T KARKING MOVE!” Fives shouted. Lightning cracked behind him, briefly illuminating all three of you.

Rex shifted immediately, pushing you behind his back with one hand and keeping the other extended. “Easy, soldier.” He called, blinking away the rain on his lashes. “Come down off that thing. Let’s talk, alright?”

“I’m not going to talk to you about a kriffin’ thing!” Fives shouted back, switching the blaster back to Rex. Whether it was rain or tears on his face, you couldn’t be sure. You thought it might have been both. “You made me leave him!”

“He was gone, Fives!” Rex said, shaking his head. “You know that.”

“No! Y-you left him to die!” Fives’ voice broke, the blaster shaking in his grip. His hair clung to his forehead as the rain continued its barrage against him.

Fives gripped the blaster tighter and straightened up slightly to square his shoulders. “I’m done taking orders.” He snarled. “I’m not going to be a pawn anymore! Not to you, not to anyone else.”

“Fives,” Rex warned and took another step forward. Fives pulled the blaster towards himself, driving it up under his chin instead.

“I can’t do this, sir.” He whimpered, pressing the barrel against his jaw. “I can’t.” His voice cracked as he spoke.

“Fives, think about what you’re doing!” Rex shouted, stepping forward again. “Stop!”

“I wish it had been you.” Fives gritted out, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Alright!” Rex threw his hands in the air again. “Alright, be angry at me! Hate me all you want, I can handle that! But don’t punish her like this.”

Fives looked at you for just a moment. His dark eyes swirled with a pained melancholy that broke your heart. HIs posture seemed to dip inwards. Rex continued.

“You get to be angry at me. Gods know I’d be angry too.” Rex called, inching closer to the platform. “But she’s right here, Fives. She’s watching you. Don’t make her watch this. This is between you and me, yeah? Don’t bring her into this.”

Fives hesitated.

You inched around Rex, keeping your hands outstretched in front of you like Rex had been doing, reaching for Fives. “It’s okay.” You said, your own tears streaking your cheeks as you edged onto the platform with him. “It’s okay. Let’s just go home, okay? We can go home, Fives. We can just go home.”

You realized he was shaking, his breathing ragged as tears and rain soaked his face. He crumbled in on himself, the blaster lowering just slightly as you cupped his cheeks in your hands.

“Come on. Put it down. Let’s go home.”

Fives leaned into your touch and gripped the gun tighter.

“It’s not home anymore.”

He brought the blaster back under his chin and closed his eyes.

“Fives, don’t!!”

Your scream was lost in the sound of the thunder, wind whipping the platform once again and knocking you and Fives off-balance. His blaster went off, the stray bolt sailing up into the dark sky instead of into his head as the platform creaked dangerously. The sudden jolt forced Fives to his knees and the blaster clattered out of his hand. The metal dipped, the platform dropping at a sharp angle, threatening to fall entirely. You landed in a roll, tumbling down the slippery metal, your hands scrambling for purchase as the platform went out from under you. You heard Rex shout your name and a beat later a hand was on your bicep, hauling you off the ground and shoving you back towards the stable ground of the roof.

You connected with the hard plastoid of Rex’s armor, Fives scrambling off the platform right behind you as the entire thing collapsed moments after you’d landed on the roof. You listened to the groan of metal as it broke away from the rooftop, descending from the sky until it clattered against the ground below. The sound reverberated across the buildings around you.

For a while the three of you were frozen in place, squinting through the rain at the empty space where the landing platform had occupied only moments ago.

“Sir!” Kix’s voice echoed from the far-end of the rooftop, the medic’s boots skidding through the puddles and coming to a stop beside the three of you. “Are you alright? What the kriff happened?”

“We’re okay.” Rex managed, turning to Fives. The ARC Trooper’s sobs had returned but were reduced to little more than gasping breaths, trying to steady himself in the aftermath of what he’d almost done.

Rex wrapped an arm around both of you, pulling you both against his shoulders and closed his eyes. Relief.

“We’re okay.”

---

TAG LIST: @fat-zygerrian @ladydiomede @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life @threevie @cheesemachine44 @bubblyacey @fivedicksinatrenchcoat @loverofclones @starwarsgarbage @hockeyjedi13 @crazygirlwithasword @dar-manda-rjct @gotomarvelgal @baba-fett @whore4rex @bubblegumcat229

#tw suicide #cw suicide #ro writes #by any other name #BAON #OC Rose #Ro's OCs #Captain Rex x Reader #Rose x Reader #Echo x Reader #Fives x Reader #ARC Trooper Fives x Reader #Star wars #star wars the clone wars #swtcw #tcw

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travoltacustom · 4 years

Text

The Presentation of Hifumi’s Trauma

I’ve been thinking on how Hifumi’s trauma has been presented for years now, and with the release of Bad Ass Temple VS Matenro, I feel like now’s as good a time as any to give my thoughts on this.

Note: This is in no way a defense of KR for the presentation of Hifumi’s trauma, but it is an analysis of such. I’m open to discussion on this and you’re free to disagree with me at any point on this. Most of this was also written BEFORE the release of the album, save for the last section.

CW: Mentions of abuse, trauma and rape + spoilers of the MTR dramatrack

I hear a lot that the presentation of Hifumi’s trauma is a ‘poor attempt at humour’, but I don’t exactly think it’s that simple. It is still a presentation of trauma, but it’s not portrayed as humorous in comparison to the rest of the humour of the series.

NARRATIVE

Hifumi panics when he sees women. He is unable to do anything until women are removed from the scene - but these instances are hardly ever the focus of the scene. It’s mostly used as a scene cutter to progress the story. When Chuo enters, Hifumi’s panic cuts off the situation and the focus shifts straight to the women. When the women find Hifumi, Doppo, Gentaro and Dice, Hifumi’s jacket is taken away to shift focus off of the women and to have Gentaro and Dice speak. Rather, Hifumi’s panic at these times are plot movers and not the focal point of the scene. Sadly, they can be seen as plot devices, but it’s not supposed to be seen as humour.

In addition to this, the ‘hysterical’ screaming (for lack of a better word) in the presence of women is limited to the dramatracks. In the manga and the anime, Hifumi runs away/removes himself from the presence of women. The purpose of Hifumi’s hysteria in the dramatracks is for visualisation purposes as there’s no visual aids - the reactions to women are toned down in the anime and manga. With this, it’s easier to believe that the anime and manga is the ‘intended’ portrayal of his reactions as the dramatrack has to make up for what isn’t seen.

PRESENTATION

The narrative is very aware that Hifumi’s trauma affects him badly. It’s a panic response. But it’s not the same as a panic attack. We know how awful the presentation of such can be, and it’s definitely something triggering for a lot of people. Personally, I would feel horrible to see him have a panic attack every time he saw a woman. KR doesn’t want to make his discomfort the focus of the scene either. Simply put, I think his trauma response is a part of the scene, but has less plot purpose than what is going on around it.

Trauma can be presented in different ways, but it’s more controlled to see only a glimpse of how trauma has affected Hifumi. There are other ways of showing this trauma and how it’s affected Hifumi that HPMI has already covered: Hifumi being unable to take off his suit jacket, behavioural change when wearing the jacket, his extremely warped perception of danger when his life is threatened etc. He’s spent 10 years adapting to the trauma and is in a stage of recovery as he’s going to confront his said abuser. If we were compounding this plot point with an idea of a Hifumi that is always having panic attacks, then we would have a Hifumi that is clearly not ready to deal with what he wants.

COMPARISON

We know the writers can portray trauma as such from Jyushi’s backstory. If we remember the fandom response, there were people who were legitimately triggered to varying degrees by what happened to Jyushi’s grandmother and the severe bullying he suffered. Really, I believe that Hifumi’s trauma hasn’t been the forefront of scenes because narratively it’s not the time for this to happen yet.

There seems to be a ‘trauma-porn’ narrative around the need to have Hifumi’s trauma played out ‘correctly. Trauma porn is media that showcases a group’s pain and trauma in excessive amounts for the sake of entertainment. There’s no need right now to show the extent of how badly Hifumi has been affected, because his trauma isn’t the focal point of the story or his character. His past is about to be shown, but it shouldn’t be what defines Hifumi as a character. And even more importantly so, there’s no ‘right’ version of trauma to portray.

HONOBONO

[ This section is written post Bad Ass Temple VS Matenro’s dramatrack.]

There are no redeeming qualities to Honobono, the source of Hifumi’s trauma. She’s despised by Chuohku and kept around for her ‘usefulness’, and Doppo was unsure of Hifumi going to confront his own abuser. However, in the recent dramatrack, Hifumi’s power is taken away from him in Honobono forcing herself into his space. This is the first time we’ve ever seen Hifumi have an explosion of emotions; ‘a typical image of a panic attack’. It is an audibly uncomfortable scene, just as Jyushi’s backstory was to read. There are different levels to trauma responses that HPMI has shown us with the 1st season’s Hifumi with short moments, but this instance is long and drawn out with guttural screaming.

HPMI was always perfectly capable of showing trauma, but for a listener, to hear this sort of occurrence every time around a woman would be potentially harmful. At this moment, Hifumi was nearly completely paralysed, suffering a breakdown of his identity by switching pronouns and screaming (similar to Gentaro’s breakdown at the insult of his clothes). It is difficult to listen to this. I don’t believe you would’ve wanted to hear this every time Hifumi was reminded of Honobono. We’ve even learned that the abuse might not have been dealt directly to Hifumi but to his family - we see Hifumi’s love for his family here in being so torn by her actions, and how trauma does not have to deal with someone directly either. However, the first instances of Hifumi’s trauma were more ‘digestible’ for a viewer, and they set us up for this moment. It was good that Hifumi’s panic responses were less heavy than the blow we’ve been dealt with this dramatrack.

In meeting Hifumi, Honobono greets her with “Hi-Fu-Mi”, just like how Hifumi says his own name in songs. It is most likely that Honobono said his name like this when they were in highschool; for Hifumi to use it in his songs now can be seen as a reclamation of his identity, as now Honobono can’t use his own name against him. Hifumi has spent years recovering from her, and seeing small hints of how he’s trying to move on from that time is a legitimately good way to understand the recovery from trauma.

WHAT IS IT?

The HPMI fandom seemed to have an ‘obsession’ with what exactly traumatised Hifumi up until this point. Most believed that it would have been sexual abuse/rape, given that he fears the opposite gender, and it wouldn’t have been the first time sexual themes have appeared in HPMI (the trafficked women at the start of BB/MTC’s manga). However, to think that ‘there is only one sort of trauma that can cause Hifumi’s pain’ is a dangerous idea. Almost anything can be traumatising, and almost anything can be a trigger.

There’s no need to theorise ‘what is good enough’ to be a trauma for him. To fear women, it can simply be that a woman has done something bad to him - which we see is Honobono. When we hear women fearing men because a man did something bad to them, we don’t theorise what exactly happened to her. There’s the automatic assumption that gendered fear is the result of sexual abuse, when in reality, it can be any manner of abuse that has caused this.

OPINIONS

So I don’t think KR is portraying Hifumi’s trauma as humorous. It’s definitely awkward, but the narrative has constantly made it clear that he’s in a state of discomfort that stems from trauma and Doppo and Jakurai always do their best to move him out of those situations without drawing too much attention. Nobody in the story laughs at him, save for Asunaro, who’s an ill-mannered child without sensitivity towards both Doppo and Hifumi, and Honobono, the source of his trauma. Those who don’t understand Hifumi in the adult cast however only find confusion in him.

There’s no ‘best’ portrayal of trauma in any media. But it’s clear that HPMI isn’t trying to be malicious or poke fun at any sort of trauma at all. If anything, I think the portrayal of it so far has been relatively ‘easy’ on common audiences that don’t explore such media, helping people to realise how trauma can manifest without forcing others who do have trauma to realise their pained experience in this media. Hifumi has been painted as someone relatable to those with trauma because he’s still a man who’s capable of doing his best while still stumbling along his way to recovery. Traumatised shouldn’t be the descriptor of Hifumi, but he is a character that has been traumatised.

While Honobono and her abuse is an integral part of Hifumi’s backstory, she does not define him as a person. To portray Hifumi as a strong character, despite moments of trauma responses, was a suitable choice in treating him respectably.

#hypnosis mic #hypmic #hifumi izanami #analysis

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