#I think I'll be living in this world for a while

[ladysharmaa]

Kate mini version

Anthony Bridgerton x Kate Sharma x Sharma!sis

Summary: Y/n adapted to the Bridgerton family dynamic. However, she remains a little fearful and shy. Could the arrival of a prince change that?

part 1

Ever since Kate and Anthony assured Y/n that they wanted her to live with them, things had gotten better. The girl felt more comfortable with them, and appreciated the effort the couple made to show that she was always welcome. Riding horses for the three of them was an almost regular activity now, and these afternoons were Y/n's favorite.

Anthony had given her a beautiful black mare, which she insisted on learning to wash and comb, even though there were servants for that purpose. The man then spent the rest of the month teaching her how to ride, and this was something that brought her very close to Anthony, who she now considered like a brother.

The truth was, living with her older sister and her husband was wonderful. There was never a dull moment and she always had someone to talk to. Furthermore, the relationship between her and Kate was the strongest, and they were more inseparable than ever. Y/n's mother had agreed that her daughter would stay at Viscount's house for a while and thus extended her stay in India.

However, even though she was comfortable in that smaller core, she still felt shy around Anthony's siblings. She loved them all, and they always treated her equally, but in the back of her head there was always that thought that she was intruding.

Now, the Bridgerton family plus Y/n were on their way to the park to have a picnic. The season was starting again and suitors from all over the world were arriving to try to find someone. On the way there, Y/n entertained herself by listening to Eloise's grumbling that she would be entering the season again, even if the last thing she wanted was to find a husband.

Bridgerton had made a point of giving Y/n her feminist speech, and despite the eye rolls she received from some of her siblings, Y/n agreed with everything she said. However, she always wanted to be married to a man who truly loved her, and that wasn't going to change.

It was a sunny day, perfect for staying right by the lake and enjoying the delicious food that the maids had prepared. Anthony and Kate were in their own world, whispering to each other with gigantic smiles, Benedict and Collin were appreciating the ladies passing by, and Eloise was reading her book while Violet had met Lady Danbury and the two were chatting animatedly. Daphne and Simon hadn't arrived with their son yet, but Y/n couldn't wait to play with the baby again.

Meanwhile, she, Hyacinth, Gregory and Francesca were walking around the lake, picking up rocks and seeing who could throw them the furthest. Probably not the most etiquette thing they could do, but Violet and Anthony hadn't stopped them yet so they continued.

"I'm starting to get tired." Y/n grumbled, rolling the shoulder of her arm that was starting to feel sore from throwing so many rocks. "I think I'll sit down and get some sun."

"We'll be right there and keep you company then. I just need to beat Gregory first!" Hyacinth promised.

Y/n smiled towards the three, then heading towards the lawn where the others were. She momentarily looked down, seeing that she had gotten a little dirty on her dress when she went up against someone. The force of the impact had been so great that she lost her balance and began to fall backwards. However, this never happened because someone managed to grab her arms and pull her up again.

When she opened her eyes, having closed them in preparation for the fall, she saw a young man, around her age, looking worriedly at her. "Are you alright? My apologies, Miss, I was distracted and didn't see you."

"I'm okay." she said a little breathlessly. Their proximity didn't help either. "I'm the one who apologizes. I should be looking ahead instead of at my dress."

"It is a beautiful dress." he said, taking the opportunity to look her up and down, letting a small smile form on his lips. Y/n's cheeks immediately started to turn pinker. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss…"

"Sharma." Y/n smiled. "I'm sorry, I don't recall who you are."

"Prince Charles, the youngest son of Queen Charlotte and King George." he chuckled when he saw Y/n's wide eyes, who quickly made a small bow. "Please, that's not necessary. On top of that, I was the one who almost made you fall to the ground."

"My apologies, Prince Charles. I returned from India only a few months ago and it seems that I still don't know everything I should know. This mistake will not be repeated."

"It wasn't anything serious. To be honest, I'm actually glad you didn't immediately know who I was. I went against you because I was running away from an Earl's daughters who were begging me to marry them." A silence fell over them. "Who are you here with?"

"My sister and her husband's family. Viscount Anthony Bridgerton and Viscountess Kate Bridgerton." Y/n looked over his shoulder, seeing Anthony staring in her direction, more specifically at the Prince. He was about to get up when Kate pulled him down again, sending Y/n a smile and a wink. "They're looking at us right now."

"Of course, I know who they are. My mother loved the love story between them. Since then, she has only told my older siblings that she wants them to have something like that too. But they are not very interested in getting married, much to the Queen's disappointment."

Y/n just let out a small chuckle in response, not really knowing what to say. The proximity to the prince was becoming increasingly intimidating, and it didn't help that the entire Bridgerton family had noticed that interaction and were now observing discreetly.

"I apologize, Prince Charles, but I must return to my sister's family. We came to take advantage of this beautiful day to have a picnic."

"Of course, Miss Sharma. I hope to see you again soon." he nodded with his hands clasped behind his back. With a smile, he went back on his way while Y/n walked over to where Kate and Anthony were, her cheeks painted a light pink.

"What were you talking about?" Anthony questioned without being able to control himself any longer, his half-closed eyes still focused on the back of the boy walking in the distance.

Kate rolled her eyes at Anthony's exaggerated protectiveness, but the truth is that her heart started to beat faster when she saw how Anthony had so much care and affection for Y/n. It made her imagine how protective he would be of their daughters.

"Don't pay attention to Anthony, Y/n. The prince seemed very interested in talking to you. You should have gone for a walk together."

"Sister!" the younger girl exclaimed with wide eyes, becoming even more embarrassed. "He was just apologizing for going against me."

"That boy, prince or not, should look where he is going! Irresponsible, that's what he is!" Anthony continued to mumble, ignoring the look his wife sent him.

"Well, I am delighted that you made a new friend, Y/n. Now come sit with us for a while and drink some water, it's very hot."

"You're getting worse than mother." Y/n rolled her eyes in amusement. She added with a wink, "I guess it's a good training for the future."

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

"I do not want to go." Y/n stated, crossing her arms defiantly.

"Sister, we've already had this conversation." Kate repeated for the thousandth time, but still with the same patience as the first time. The older woman sighed, looking understandingly at her sister who was looking at the floor with a pout. "What are you really afraid of? It's your first ball, it's normal for you to be nervous."

Y/n was going to be subject to the season for the first time, where she could meet her future husband. Despite all the nerves she felt, she was happy to have Kate, Anthony, and the rest of the Bridgerton family with her. Furthermore, she would be in the same situation as Francesca, except that the latter had been named diamond of the season.

"How's mother and Edwina?" Y/n tried to change the subject, instead asking about the two other Sharmas who were in Prussia. Edwina was pregnant with her first child with Prince Friedrich and Mary had gone there, after a brief stop in England, to support Edwina.

"Y/n, don't change the subject. You can talk to me."

"What if no one asks me to dance, Kate?" Y/n finally revealed her fears shyly. She spoke so quietly that Kate had to strain to understand her words, but when she did her eyebrows furrowed in sadness. "You and Anthony took me in, what if now no one asks me to dance and I make you look bad?"

"First of all, you could never make us look bad and we would never be disappointed in you. I even think Anthony's biggest dream would be if you and Francesca didn't dance with anyone." Kate chuckled knowing how protective her husband was. "And I don't want you to be forced to dance with anyone. You can say no if someone invites you to dance and you don't want to. And if anything happens, call Anthony or his brothers."

"I will." the girl nodded, seeing her sister's serious look. "I hope everything goes well."

"Of course it will! And you won't be alone, we'll all be there in case you need anything. And who knows, maybe you'll see a certain prince. I heard the queen is going to make him participate in this season."

Y/n didn't respond to the teasing, she just continued to get ready with the help of the maids. When Anthony called them from downstairs, the two sisters hurried to meet him, seeing that the rest of the family was already there with the exception of Francesca.

When they saw her, a big smile appeared on everyone's faces, Violet going to give her a hug as soon as she reached the end of the stairs and Daphne holding her hand. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you." she smiled at the women, and was later praised by Eloise, and the Bridgerton brothers.

Then, it was Francesca's turn to go down the stairs, catching their attention. After the compliments she received, the girl stood next to Y/n, the two holding hands as they walked to the carriages waiting for them.

"You look very beautiful, diamond of the season." Y/n said with a teasing smile, squeezing her hand in Francesca's in comfort.

"You do as well, Princess Sharma." Francesca giggled. To relieve the tension, the girl looked straight ahead at Anthony who was helping Kate into the carriage, his forehead dripping with sweat as he looked discreetly at the two teenagers. "I think my brother is going to pass out from how nervous he looks."

"Tonight promises to be quite interesting. At least he has my sister to control him a little, or I think he would be glaring at every suitor in the room, even if they didn't even want anything to do with us."

When they arrived at the Queen's castle, they were both amazed by the place. An orchestra played in the middle while some couples were already dancing, the space decorated with various details and chandeliers lighting up the room. When the Bridgerton family entered, everyone stopped to observe the diamond of the season, who was still clinging to Y/n.

To give her the focus of attention, Y/n tried to move away but Francesca just grabbed her hand tighter, sending her a look of fear. The Sharma girl nodded in understanding, then stood on Francesca's side, also being subjected to the curious looks of other people.

"Come on, girls." Anthony said, guiding the family to a corner while everyone analyzed the environment. He then turned to his two friends, who in his eyes were too young to be thinking about suitors, but he knew that this was the right age. "If you need anything, and I mean anything, go to one of us. We'll always be here to make sure you're okay. Now, all of you split up and socialize."

"They already look so nervous and you're going to scare them even more with your nerves." Benedict placed a hand on his older brother's shoulder. "Relax, brother. Go dance with your wife, we are also here to take care of them."

"I know." Anthony sighed, running a hand over his face. His tense muscles only relaxed when he felt Kate's hand caress his arm as she smiled understandingly. "Shall we dance, Viscountess Bridgerton?"

"We shall." she giggled, letting her husband guide her to the center of the room.

Meanwhile, Y/n watched the people at the ball nervously and curiously. They were all dressed to the nines, with the best fabrics and jewelry that showed the families' wealth and status. The Sharma smiled slightly when she noticed a girl being asked by a suitor. It was obvious that they were both nervous, but when he finally managed to ask the question, the girl blushed and accepted with a big smile.

Y/n sighed, turning her attention elsewhere. Her heart was beating heavily against her chest, wondering if she was going to experience the same situation as that girl.

A light touch on her shoulder made her snap out of her thoughts. Y/n turned to the side, her eyes widening when she saw Prince Charles standing there, both hands behind his back and a perfect smirk on his lips.

"Miss Sharma, what a pleasure to see you again."

"Prince Charles." she greeted, making a small bow. "This time I haven't forgotten my manners."

"I must say you look beautiful tonight." he praised, gently taking one of her delicate hands and bringing it to his lips, lightly kissing her skin. Y/n's cheeks immediately flushed, getting worse when she realized that they were attracting the attention of others. "Are you enjoying the ball?"

"Very much, thank you. The orchestra plays beautifully. It's lovely to see so many people dancing, especially my sister and Viscount Bridgerton. I have never seen them happier."

"Indeed. We could dance too… If you would like to, of course." Y/n didn't think she had ever seen the boy being shy, but she had to admit that it was really cute to see him like that.

"Are you sure? Many people are already looking at us… Including the Queen." she whispered the last part with a look of fear. "Are you supposed to find a lady to marry this year?"

"My mother hopes so, but she doesn't pressure me into anything. Right now, I just want to dance with you. Please? Don't pay attention to anyone else, just focus on me."

Y/n swallowed hard, but nodded, resting her hand on the arm Charles offered. The two walked to the dance floor as soon as the song ended, preparing for a new melody. The Sharma girl held her breath when she felt the boy's hand position itself on her waist, pulling her closer, while the other intertwined with hers.

The music started slowly and Y/n let the prince lead her, too nervous to even remember the choreography she had already practiced several times before. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kate and Anthony looking at them as they danced, giving nods of encouragement but still keeping their attention on them.

The rest of the people looked in shock, seeing the youngest son of the Queen and the King dancing with the sister of Viscountess Bridgerton who had caused a lot of talk last season. The Queen was also watching them, a small smile appearing on her lips.

"You're not just focusing on me." Charles hummed, squeezing her waist to show she was just joking. "And on top of that I'm a great dancer."

"My apologies. But I can't agree with the last part. I think —" but she couldn't finish her sentence as Charles picked her up and twirled her around several times until her laughter could be heard above the music.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" he laughed teasingly, loving the blush on her cheeks. He wanted to make her blush all the time, he loved the effect he had on the girl who was constantly on his mind since that day in the park.

"Prince Charles, this will certainly not be seen very well by other people. They are all whispering about us now! More than they already were."

"Call me Charles." He said, ignoring the rest of what Y/n said. His eyes were intense, studying the girl's face and stopping on her lips before moving up to her eyes.

"No."

"No?" he raised his eyebrows, as if he wasn't expecting that answer. Y/n stepped away from him, making a small bow. And only then did he realize that the song had already ended.

"I really enjoyed this dance, thank you. I hope to meet you again. We keep crossing paths so who knows?" she smiled, turning her back and walking towards Francesca who was alone in the corner, a drink in her hand.

Prince Charles definitely wanted to see Y/n Sharma again, his gaze following the girl's movements as if in a trance. Surely him standing in the middle of the dance floor looking at Y/n would be the main topic in the paper of Lady Whistledown.

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch

Long story short, I owe the BL gods, so I'll be watching TWO series from my Petty List during the month of June. This list includes shows I haven't watched for purely petty reasons, so I'm asking the crowd to pick the two shows I will watch from all the MAME series, some censored Chinese bromances, a few sexual tension-filled Korean bromances, and one wild card.

I'm making my first ever poll, so whichever two series get the highest numbers will be the two I watch. And for all the kind people in the crowd, this is not the time to think about me. Pick your favorite. And for all the people who I annoy on the daily with my wild ass takes that piss you off, pick TharnType. But there is a possibility of a secret thirteenth option that would hurt me much worse . . .

The petty ass reasons are below the poll.

Disclaimer: If you're going to read the petty ass reasons, I need you to understand these are PETTY ASS REASONS, so don't try to hit me with 2,000 words about why me not watching censored bromances is a problem or why me not liking your fave hurts your feelings. Nah. Pick a show!

MAME

Love By Chance

This show came out at the end of 2018, and I watched the first episode, maybe first two, and thought it was boring. Then, in 2019, I saw a GIF of the locker scene, so I recommitted. I made it past the first episode just when the PerthSaint drama started spilling out everywhere, so I chucked the deuces and haven't returned since.

TharnType

For some reason, I couldn't find the first episode when it aired. Then, I found out how the first episode ended. Then, I found out about Type's past. Then, I just kept finding out more awful stuff until eventually the MewGulf shit finally hit the fan, and I was still reeling from the PerthSaint drama (and the emerging ZeeSaint chaos). At this point, I've built this show up so much that I'm afraid to see what it is actually about.

Don't Say No

A story of another GIF of a locker room scene sucking me in! After the first two MAME pairs blew up, I believed her shows were cursed, so I opted out of watching this one even though I thought it would be the one to vibe with me the most. But the biggest reason was because the main characters came from TharnType, so I felt like I would have to watch TharnType to understand this show, which was a big hell nah.

Love in the Air

I watched this through mutuals on my dash, so I feel like I did watch it. It is also the highest rated MAME series, so I had faith in it. However, when I found out about Sky's past, TharnType's ghost popped back up, and I realized this demon of a show is gonna haunt me in every MAME series.

The Wedding Plan

Y'all hated one of the leads so much while it was airing that I now hate him, and I don't think I can let that go, so I'm coming in with pre-hate and TharnType's ghost, but on top of that, some of y'all said it was boring. But what is boring in a MAME series? Consent? Not kidnapping someone? I never got answers, so I'm very conflicted about this show.

Censored Chinese

The Untamed

It's color coded, but FIFTY FUCKING EPISODES! What is this shit? Grey's Anatomy? The fuck! Second, once China pulled Addicted, I was holding grudges for life because it crossed from entertainment censorship into real-world oppression, so I could not bring myself to support media from a country that openly discriminates against the queers when I live in America where our highest court is just one Supreme Court Justice away from making us all live in the damn Mojo Dojo Casa House.

Word of Honor

It's color coded, but THIRTY-SIX FUCKING EPISODES! What is this shit? Supernatural?! The fuck! Second, I don't know the difference between this and The Untamed. Both are color-coded, one of them has a lot of uncles (?), one of them has awful facial hair, and they all have pretty outfits. Every time someone makes a reference about these shows, I just nod the same way I do when people mention Star Wars because none of it makes sense.

Guardian

I spent two years believing Killer and Healer was Guardian. I haven't watched either, but I thought they were the same show. Honestly, if this show wins, I might just watch Killer and Healer because I will forget they are not the same show. Don't they both solve cases? And because it's China, past lives must be involved, no? I'm looking at their MDLs as I write this, and I'm still not convinced they are different.

Stay with Me

It's color coded, but I know how it ends, and word on the street is that IS the ending since a second season seems unlikely. China couldn't just let me be hurt over Addicted, the original. No. Gotta hurt me again with Addicted, the remake. Rude af.

The Spirealm

First off, SEVENTY-EIGHT FUCKING EPISODES! What is this shit? Law & Order: SVU?! The fuck! I know how this ends, and it ain't happy! I don't care how people are trying to spin it, so to sit through SEVENTY-EIGHT DAMN EPISODES just for that ending already has me irate. And don't try telling me Viki combined episodes so it's only thirty-four. That's still a lot. However, everybody who has watched it says it's phenomenal, so is the pain worth it or are these people all lying so they convince themselves it was worth it?

Korean Bromance

Beyond Evil

With most Korean dramas, I feel like I missing something important. Like some part of the story does not click with me and I stay lost for the rest of the show. I suck it up for the queers, but the not-queers-but-it-is-queer shows . . . nah, and especially one about cops . . . (-_-). Also, The Worst of Evil just showed, and it was another reminder that I need these cops to quit their jobs and just screw each other. Embrace "Be Gay. Do Crime"

The Devil Judge

I know enough about Kpop to know GOT7 would not let one of its members kiss a man in this show. I looked at those GIFs of Jeff Satur and Jackson Wang on their show knowing damn well that if Wang got too close to Satur, an entire management team would have ascended from hell and kidnapped both of them, so the promo for this show was so wild because it felt queerbait-adjacent, and I was salty about it.

WILD CARD!

This option will be automatically unlocked IF this stupid little poll gets 216 votes, so I have high hopes this will not happen since I ain't that popular and I hate this wild card which is . . .

SOTUS

This show is my original TharnType. It came out in 2016. I watched it live. I watched the sequel. I remember neither. New was in it? Off was in it?! WHAT?! I have no memory of this show except Krist wiping his mouth, and I have carried that with me for eight damn years. I loved Be My Favorite, so I thought I moved past whatever strange grudge I was holding against this man who doesn't know I exist nor care, but then I saw that trailer for The Ex-Morning, and unlike Elsa, I can't let this shit go, so I'm willing to play Jumanji and go back into the jungle to finish this once and all.

So what it's gonna be, mi gente. Which demons am I facing for Pride and what shows do I get to stay petty about? Help me decide!

[homochadensistm]

Sheesh pookie I really wish Gazans had your first-world country problems, comfortably posting 4-chan looking wojack memes, making fun of protestors like a true neckbeard edgelord and responding with outdated millennial-humor reaction gifs to serious issues, instead of ... you know, getting bombed and displaced? But yeah, a mean antisemitic thing some rando said in the other side of the globe is the main issue and what we should REALLY worry about, sure...what a world we live in lol.

Girl help the westoids think that memeing from a bomb shelter surrounded by canned food and medical supplies while missiles explode above your apartment is somehow a "privilege" because The Other SideTM of the Exotic Conflict they're currently fandoming about doesn't give 2 shits about its civilian population that's acting as its human meatshield! Damn I guess Ukrainians in Kyiv are also having the absolute time of their lives. Yall Kony2012ers are really something bshfnjfjsb I'll tell you what a world we live in - its one where you can sit ur dumbass in ur comfortable home 8000km away from the war u consoom on tiktok like a football game and watch me die while I commit the cardinal sin of using the internet in a way you don't like! Count ur blessings <3

[redhoodobsessed]

Diagnosis is...

Jason Todd x Reader

This one is kind of weird i just thought it would be funny and it spiraled from there. You meet your boyfriends family at a very bad time. TW: vomiting, Pregnancy

Jason always took you to the Manor when his family wasn't home. The only member who you were well acquainted with was Alfred and Duke. Even after being together for a year and moving with eachother he wasn't ready for you to meet his family. Truthfully he was worried they would be... too much.

Jason sat you down gently on his bed in his old bedroom.

"You really didn't need to carry me here from the cave I'm not that sick" you sighed as he tucked you into the bed.

"Sure but I wanted to." He went to kiss your lips but you pulled back

"Trust me lover boy you do not want to kiss these lips"

He chuckled and kissed you on the cheek instead "I'll be back at five ok?"

You nodded waiting for him to leave before running to his bathroom and vomiting.

After 10 minutes you went looking around. He only ever took you to the manor when no one else was around but Alfred. But this time even he wasn't here. Bruce was on some big undercover mission in another country basically the enormous amounts of people who were usually here weren't except for Jason and Duke who were taking over the nightly patrol in Gotham. This was perfect for your mission.

You searched every bathroom and medicine cabinet you could find surely in a house this big which was home to the billionaire playboy had to have at least one. You could swear you'd been looking for hours practically torn apart the entire mansion when you heard a sympathic sounding voice say. "Looking for something?"

You turned around to see a redheaded green eyed woman in a wheelchair. Barbara Gordon.

"Uh uhm Sprite?" Definitely not a great answer if you were trying to deceive a world renowned cyber detective who caught you pulling apart her boyfriends medicine cabinet. But she humored you and took you to the kitchen.

"Why sprite?" She said

"The acid from Lemons are neutralising which help relieve nausea. They give it to people in outpatient after things like wisdom tooth extraction at the hospital. Also I don't like lemonade."

"Right, Jason said you weren't feeling well. What are the symptoms?" She was absolutely probing you for information. She saw the frantically thrown about flu medicine and pain killers, you were looking for something specific.

you weren't planning on spilling everything to a complete stranger but you had to tell someone or you would probably go crazy. "Well nausea, slight headache, swollen feet and breasts, late menstruation cycle I would say patient diagnosis would be-"

"Pregnancy" she interrupted her face completely bewildered. Jason Todd got a girl pregnant.

"About 2 to 3 weeks along but I can't know for sure without-"

"A pregnancy test" she interrupted again.

"I would rather go to the Doctor and get a blood test but Jason and I just moved in together and I only realised I was late yesterday."

"We can do a blood test! Downstairs in the cave right now" Barbara immediately started heading to the elevator to the cave.

"That will take a while you don't have a regular pregnancy test here?"

She thought for a second "I don't think so."

So you went down to do the test you were surprised they had every blood test known to man "you know an at home pregnancy test only takes two minutes" you say as you draw your own blood you needed to practice anyway.

"Well we could watch a movie? It's only two hours."

"Yeah only" you sighed and Barbara finished the rest of the process now all you had to do was wait for the results. Your heart almost stopped when you heard the roar of a motorcycle enter the cave thinking it might be Jason.

"It's just the Batgirls their mission ended early." Barbara said pulling up the live security footage of the runway and leaving it up. You almost collapsed from relief.

"Hey Babs! Who's this?" The purple Batgirl said as she took off her Cowl revealing her blonde hair and chipper smile.

"I uhm I'm Y/n"

"Oh Jason's girlfriend! You're sick right?" She glanced over at the screen the blood test now almost halfway done. "What's a HCG test?"

Barbara minimised the window and looked at you as you tried to formulate a lie but it was too late. The other batgirl who must be Cassandra signed something to Stephanie.

"No way!" Her face was in utter disbelief and god you wished Jason had just left you in the apartment. This was not how you wanted to meet his family.

"It's probably nothing it could be anything really." You really wanted to believe that. You wanted to believe it was something crazy rare.

"Like what?" Stephanie said with full curiosity. She definitely didn't seem to realise the invasive nature of that question until Cassandra put a hand on her shoulder. "Right well good luck with that Cass and I are gonna train for a bit."

"Don't worry you can trust them" Barbara's words gave little comfort. Your face was red with embarrassment its not that you didn't trust them it's that you just met them. Their first impression of their brothers girlfriend is that she could be pregnant.

It wasn't long before you heard people talking from the staircase "TIMOTHY BERNIE!"Stephanie yelled "What are you doing here?!"

"Well I was showing Bernard the mansion and i thought id take him to see the cave too i need to check up on a blood test of a rat i found scarecrow experimenting on too. Hey! Are you Y/n?" Tim asked shaking your hand.

You were relieved at the fact that he would be the first family member to not also be wondering whether or not you were pregnant. "It's nice to meet you. Jason talks about you a lot."

"He talks about all of you too I think he's been a bit nervous for us to meet."

"So was Tim. I'm Bernard, Tim's boyfriend" you had been so relieved and distracted by normal conversation without any indication of any possible pregnancy that you didn't see Tim looking at the computers in the med bay.

"Uh who ordered the HCG? Was it an accident or...?"

"HCG? I meant to do a CRP! damn well now I'll know if I'm pregnant or not." At least Stephanie was good at improv

"But this says its y/n's?" Tim said skeptical of the whole situation

"What?! I must of mixed up our blood" ok so she might not win an Oscar but you could work with this.

"Oh yeah I was practicing drawing blood sometimes they have us do it on other med students and if you don't practice uh it's embarrassing." You were definitely not winning an Oscar.

"Right." He was definitely unconvinced. But his angel of a boyfriend noticed your nervous face and came to your rescue.

"Happens to the best of us." He has a very warm and comforting smile Tim has good taste in men.

As time went on your stomach started to churn and you laid back on a medical bed. There was the loud hum of a jet engine and huge doors opening up above you. "Uhh please not Bruce Wayne"

"Bruce Wayne" everyone except Bernard seemed to say in unison "and the results are in."

"I don't want to know" you didnt want this to be such a big deal you didn't want so many people to know and you certainly didn't want Jason's whole family to know before he did.

"Ah miss Y/n I see you've met more of the family" Alfred said walking down from where ever the Jet was parked above you.

"It's been a pleasure" you say truly not wanting to sound rude they had all been very kind to you their timing is just so so poor.

"Ah Jason had told me you're not feeling well. Can I bring you anything Y/n"

"Y/n?" I voice that must belong to Bruce followed behind Alfred. "Oh I didn't know you would be here" Bruce Wayne said cowl in hand his face looking tired. A young looking boy walked towards the bat computer ignoring you. honestly you were grateful for not having to meet another batfamily member.

You were trying to get up but he interrupted "no no please don't get up on my behalf rest its quite late."

You were going to respond but your stomach stirred again and a gurgle went up your throat. Bruce was quick to respond and got you a vomit bag. Great the first thing Bruce Wayne had ever heard from you was the disgusting sound of vomit. "You are quite sick" He put his hand on your forehead automatically. But there was no time to make up an excuse or reason.

"She's not sick, she's pregnant" the young and very rude boy said... definitely Damian.

"Oh uhm is uh.. when did you find out?" Bruce was extremely flustered, but by now you had experienced enough embarrassment for the night and just wanted Jason to come home.

"Just then" with the perfect timing that this family seemed to have you heard Jason and Duke ride into the cave to see an utterly confused Batman standing next to you.

"None of you are supposed to be here." Jason growled as he made his way to you he was about to glare at Bruce when he saw his bright red face he stopped "What's wrong with you?Salina break up with you again?" Jason

"Uhm" Bruce cleared his throat "you're right we're not supposed to be here. We should all go upstairs." He started heading to the stairs but everyone else seemed to be looking at you "now!" He said sternly in his Batman voice the room quickly cleared out after that.

You sighed a breath of relief as Jason sat next to you and pulled you close kissing your temple. "What was his problem?" He asked rubbing your arm and resting his head on your shoulder.

"Well I'm not technically sick."

"Hmm?" He didn't even seemed phased by this he just leaned into you more

"I had to do a test and uh everyone saw the result."

"Is it bad?" This man after a patrol you could swear his head was made of bricks.

"Depends. Do you think its bad that I'm pregnant." You said hesitantly a very small part of you worried that he would say yes but worse is he didn't say anything. "Jason?"

"Uh no!" He moved to face you his forehead pressed against yours "No it's its not bad its just its unexpected and then I'm sorry I'm sorry for all of that and them and wow"

You giggled "Yeah it's not exactly what I was expecting for tonight"

He cupped your cheek and smiled at you "I love you Y/N"

Tears started to well in your eyes "I love you too Jason" He pulled you in for a long kiss. Finally all you wanted all night was to be with him.

Upstairs Dick arrived home to...chaos. Stephanie was talking to Cass about everything they were going to do to prepare for.. something. Tim was yelling at Damian, Barbara and Bernard were telling Duke about the entire night and Bruce sat in an armchair still in complete embarrassment and disbelief.

"Did I miss something?"

[snzleclerc]

pt 3!!

here you can find the other parts of pour toujors

-

"Hey love!" Pascale welcomes me with open arms at her doorstep. Despite being in Monaco, their house isn't overly fancy. It's the same simple yet beautiful home since I met Arthur.

"Hey Pas!" My smile always lights up when I see her, and her hug brings me back to my childhood.

She greets the boys with kisses on their cheeks and grabs the groceries, turning her gaze towards me. "Lou, come help me with dinner, let's catch up." She says with a warm look at the end; I already know what our conversation will be about.

The boys head towards the living room, and I follow Pascale to the kitchen. She knows I'm terrible in the kitchen, and it's obvious I won't be much help, so I sit on a stool, leaning on the counter, waiting for someone to say something.

We sit in a loud silence for a while until I decide to break it. "They called me two days ago, said they wanted to talk. I guess I should give them a chance, right?" I say with uncertainty in my voice. This has happened before, and I don't know why I'm letting it happen again. I just can't seem to avoid it.

She comes closer and places her hand on mine for comfort. "Lou, we've seen this before, you know where this will lead, it's only hurting you more."

"But despite all that, they're my parents, Pas."

"I've told you many times, parents are those who care for you, not just those who brought you into this world." Tears well up in my eyes; how can I be so naive to trust them after all this? But worse, how can I be so foolish to want to give them another chance and just can't seem to stop?

"Look, I just want what's best for you, Loulou. You're my heart's daughter, and you know I hate seeing my kids sad, right?" She continues with a soothing voice that calms my heart amidst all this mess.

"I feel so useless. I've tried everything for them to love me, but it seems like nothing ever worked. It was always my sister, always. She was the princess of the house, it was hell. And maybe the fault isn't on either of us, but on those monsters I can call my parents. I just wish they'd love me for a second, is that too much to ask?" I let it all out, the words and my tears. I can't talk much about this with Arthur. Yes, he'd understand, but it's not the same.

Little did I know that someone was behind the door listening. Charles.

He enters the kitchen silently; only Pascale saw and didn't tell me anything. She knows that, despite Charles not being my best friend, he would always support and help me with anything I needed.

Charles was the only one, besides Pascale, who knew all about this. Well, almost everything. She knew she could trust him and that he would give advice to me, even if not directly.

He starts approaching and sits next to me, and when I notice, I quickly wipe my tears. Until he asks his mother for something. "Mom, could you leave us alone for a moment, please?"

She nods and leaves the kitchen, leaving just the two of us side by side. Him watching me and me with a distant look, focused on the table at the same time.

"Lapine, with what little I heard just now, I already understand all your feelings," he lies a bit. "You're such a strong person, and I admire you a lot. I know we're not that close, but I wish we were. But most importantly, I want you to know that you can always count on me, no matter what, I'll always be here for you, okay?" He finishes, and my tears keep falling. No man besides Arthur had ever said that to me before; I couldn't hold back.

"You know, Charlie? I see you and your siblings all happy and being treated the same way, and I wonder why my family isn't like that." His fingers go towards my face to gently wipe the liquid flowing from my eyes.

"Look, Lapine, every family has its weaknesses. Do you think I don't wonder every day why Papa and Jules are gone? I know, it's hard, but we have to accept it over time. You've been our family since the day you met Arthur, don't worry, we're here for you, always."

He finishes saying, and I pull him into a hug without hesitation; those words warmed my heart immensely. "Don't let them back into your life, Lapine, you don't deserve that."

[glacrwlf]

"Back in the Garden" Adam'sApple AU idea for @rius-cave

Okay, so I think I've got my "Back in the Garden" Adam'sApple AU figured out (it takes place after Season 1, BTW): 15,000 years ago, back when Adam and Eve were living in Heaven, the angels built them their own personal garden made to resemble the Garden of Eden.

Adam and Eve would spend most of their time there, until Eve decided that she wanted to explore the modern human world. Adam wouldn't let her, believing that everything that Heaven had to offer was more than enough. Eve wouldn't let listen to him, so she decided to play a game with Adam: Adam would stand very still in the garden while Eve would leave for the human world and eventually wander into Hell.

Adam didn't realize Eve abandoned him until 5,000 years later, when he saw a podcast on a Heaven Mirror monitor announcing the birth of Princess Charlie Morningstar, who Eve sacrificed most of her life force to her mother, Lilith for to give birth to Charlie, while Lilith cast aside Eve's physical form to help her survive.

Adam was so angry, he wanted to get back at her by killing off the people she sacrified herself for and abandoned Adam for by conducting yearly exterminations. Over time, Adam repressed that memory, along with several other memories, as he exterminated all of those sinners who had nothing to do with his problems year after year.

Sometime after his death, he was revived as a sinner in Hell as punishment for his unholy crimes, where Charlie would gladly take him in to the Hazbin Hotel after seeing how miserable and remorseful Adam was. At first, he was reluctant, but gradually warmed up to the other hotel guests and its staff, along with the idea of redeeming sinners (mostly because he's desperate to go back to Heaven).

However, when he saw the guests leaving him behind as part of a rock concert performance, he started to remember several repressed feelings, leading him to go back to the garden he and Eve once reveled in back at Heaven.

Charlie and Lucifer followed him, where they learned exactly what happened in the garden that day, as Adam remembered all of his repressed memories, lashing out at Charlie when she was trying to console him. Charlie reassured Adam that he deserves a better lover, or at least, a better friend, and Adam decided to go back to the Hazbin Hotel with them.

Along the way back, several other repressed memories came flooding back, leading him to come to his senses and snap out of his hatred towards Hell and its denizens. Adam then confessed everything he went through to everyone else at the hotel when they got back. Everyone was shocked and decided to comfort Adam, who was crying out thousand of years of repressed guilt and remorse over what he did and what he caused. What happens after that... I haven't exactly planned that out in full yet, but I'll figure something out.

[treasureyourfire]

~ Your Fairytale Adventure Begins ~ ~ Choose Your Path ~

1 2 3 Reminder: * Trigger warning: All three readings have heaviness in them... 💔❤️‍🩹 I send everyone the supporting energies and wish all the best to reach a happy ending at the end of their struggles. * These are not gender-specific readings, in the stories I'll use They/Them pronouns. * These are collective readings for entertaintment. * I am not a professional reader and readings that I do are a part of my learning process. * The tarot can provide guidance, but you manage your own life according to your free will. Feel free to keep what resonates, and let go of what doesn't.~ * (English is not my mother language, sorry for the mistakes.)

* How is their life like a fairytale: Four of Cups, Knight of Swords, (the lowest card in the deck: Ace of Swords) * What magical qualities do they possess that can help them on their journey: Three of Wands * What obstacles do they need to overcome to achieve they fairytale ending: Reversed Sun, Reversed Chariot, Reversed Nine of Wands * What steps can they take to manifest their happily ever after: Tower, King of Cups

Over the mountain, over the valley, there once lived a human sitting in the shade of a tree. This human silently reflected on and taking stock of their life of that time. They were not satisfied. Disappointment and a sense of lack gnawed at them, and although they longed for something to fill this void, so that they could feel safe in their heart, they no longer believed in the opportunities offered to them with good intentions, promising improvement and happiness. Or maybe, even though they were offered in vain, they didn't see them behind the misty veil of their sorrow.

During their contemplation, suddenly, like some heavenly spark, an enlightening thought lit up in their mind. They were struck by an inspiration that spurred them to immediate action. They made their decision quickly. They decided to hit the road, arming themself for the struggles ahead. They was ready to change their destiny. Determined, unwavering, fearless, they galloped forward on the back of their fast horse, keeping their eyes fixed on their goal.

It was the beginning of a new chapter. Their enthusiasm and conscientious attitude helped them reach this milestone in their life. They planned their journey with foresight and awareness, preparing for possible obstacles. They looked to the future confidently. Full of hope, they embarked on this journey with commitment. The distance called them. They longed for a better world and were open to new experiences. They wanted to develop and grow, so that they could safely stand on their own feet and be a support for others besides themself. They had the opportunity to find companions who in return support them, inspire them, and can be of mutual help to each other during their journeys. The child in their heart searched the source of happiness, but in order to find it, they had to face several obstacles. Temporary setbacks dampened their enthusiasm. Willingly or unwillingly, perhaps they attracted the attention of others too much. Curious looks followed their actions;

"Can they rise to the task they have undertaken?" "Will they be able to do it?" Will they succeed or fail?” "Will their Sun ever shine?"

There were times when their momentum broke. They had to think about the direction to go next. They needed to take responsibility for themself and take back control. Perhaps, in the past, they were guided by noble intentions, but perhaps they did not follow the path their soul desired. They had to be honest with themself. They had to listen to their own inner voice, what they really wanted. They had to find their guiding star, which would bring them light in the darkness, and follow it with determination.

But what made it difficult for them was that they were forced to defend themself while searching for the star, and it was difficult for them to let go of this defensive state. It was like everyone was an enemy. They got into a situation where they thought about giving up because of the overburden. Up until now, they had barricaded themself from real or perceived danger for their own protection, but the constant readiness and persistent struggle to protect what they had gained had exhausted them. It was time for them to rest and gather their strength before committing to the next step. Maybe now it is necessary to accept help, accept the support of others, perhaps consider and change their standpoint.

Finally, the time for change was come.

They need to realise what is still present in their life that no longer serves their good. A drastic transformation must take place, all external obstacles or internal barriers must come down. It is necessary to break with habits or beliefs that hold back and limit their development and the achievement of their desired goals, so that they can create a truer, more authentic life for themself, in which their emotions can be fulfilled. The world has shaken around them, but they can use this dramatic change to their advantage. After the destruction, they may be given the opportunity to lay new foundations. A serious, difficult path may lie ahead, but after dealing with the old order and way of thinking, liberation and a fresh start can come, they can create their own kingdom, and achieve the emotional balance and stability that they wanted from the beginning of their journey. For a fresh start and a happy ending, they will need their diplomatic skills, their empathy, their devoted, service-minded character. If they follow their true path, in the future they will be able to maturely and wisely navigate in the deep, rich world of their emotions and become the warm-hearted leader of their empire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* How is their life like a fairytale: Hierophant, Ten of Swords * What magical qualities do they possess that can help them on their journey: Seven of Cups * What obstacles do they need to overcome to achieve they fairytale ending: Wheel of Fortune, The Moon, Page of Swords, Nine of Swords * What steps can they take to manifest their happily ever after: Three of Wands, Reversed Two of Pentacles

Once upon a time, there once lived a human who once felt like a respected member of a community. They respected its traditions, values ​​and system. They felt safe, they had unconditional trust in those who surrounded them. They believed that this trust, this devotion was mutual between them and the group. In this unity, they felt that they had found something important, not only in the outside world, but also in themself.

But their world, in which they believed unshakably until then, suddenly completely collapsed around them. Life or perhaps their trusted companions betrayed them cruelly, inflicting deep wounds on them that forced them to the ground. They couldn't even move because of the pain. Disappointment, failure, despair consumed all their strength. They saw their situation futureless and hopeless. They needed rest, they needed to gather strength. They had to recover and then try to stand up again so that a new dawn could come in their life. They survived the disaster, but one of the most difficult stages of recovery must have been accepting this severe defeat in order to move on with their life... Rethinking they principles, they had to become open to this life-changing mutuation, adapt to their new situation and its challenges. They had to seize the new opportunities and use this change to their advantage in order to grow and develop.

During the journey ahead of them, their developed sense of reality will be great help for them. They have a very good sense that when they come to a crossroads, they make the right decision for their situation. They will need this talent when the wheel of their destiny leads them to the realm of the Moon, where everything is uncertain in the semidarkness, where terrifying creatures try to distract them from their path. They were destined for more than what they had so far, but in order for this significant change to occur, they had to be patient and open to the unknown.

In this unknown, there would be the chance to face their greatest fears, when they had to listen to their intuitions, their own inner guidance, and would also need an objective examination of their situation in order to overcome them and move persistently forward. They cannot allow themself to be deceived and diverted by the illusion conjured up around them, be it a frightening nightmare or a seductive vision that encourages them to chase unreal dreams.

With their truth-seeking sword, they must cut through the fog of visions and nightmares in order to clearly see who they are, where they are and where they are really going. Their struggle can take a toll on them. It can be a stressful time for them, with anxiety and sleepless nights. In exchange for their freedom, they may have to break the silence, make their voice heard, it is even worth asking for help from someone who has solid knowledge to navigate this swampy realm, who will help them clear their mind of toxic thoughts and set them on a path to find their way out of the oppressive darkness to the land of Peace and Understanding.

They were on the verge of a major breakthrough and transformation. The final decision awaited them. Whether they embark on this difficult journey alone or with support, it is crucial to thoroughly prepare for it, for the difficulties that may arise, and consciously plan their every step in advance, building a strategy. It is important to commit to their goal, but above all to themself.

In addition to preparation, it is also important to strive for balance and take care of both their physical, emotional and mental needs. Success will require juggling with different responsibilities and priorities, but remembering to rest and relax when they need it can prevent them from burning out and sapping their energy.

Although the idyllic, happy picture of the future may still seem distant to them, if they make the decision to go for it and persistently move ahead, the desired harmony and happiness can return to their life again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* How is their life like a fairytale: Ace of Pentacles, Six of Wands, King of Swords, Nine of Pentacles * What magical qualities do they possess that can help them on their journey: Queen of Swords, Eight of Wands * What obstacles do they need to overcome to achieve they fairytale ending: Five of Cups, Five of Swords * What steps can they take to manifest their happily ever after: Nine of Swords

Far far away, there once lived a pointful, sharp-witted human, who was given the opportunity to create a more fruitful and richer life for themself in the earthly world. This offer was a new beginning to build a durable, secure foundation for their future. They lived up to the invitation, entered the race bravely, and finally won. They proudly accepted their prize and took their rightful place in the empire. They became an intelligent, trustworthy leader who treated their companions fairly and addressed them with honest, clear words. They paid attention to always staying on the ground of reality, consciously handling and creating with their intellectual abilities. Their work has paid off. They created the abundance for themself what they could finally enjoy. They were independent and self-confident.

Their high-flying thoughts, ideas and clairvoyance were always helpful and they used them to advantage in difficult situations. They were understanding with others and helped those who needed advice. In return for their honesty and straightness, they expected the same from their companions. They did not lack fighting spirit, they resolutely defended what was important to them, carried out what they had planned, and stuck to their ideas.

But there are events in life when, unfortunately, no matter how much we want to, we cannot win. Such a painful shock or serious injustice or humiliation befell this person. They felt like they had failed. In the end they secluded to rest after the hard fight, to mourn the loss.

However, when we close ourselves off like this, we don't always see the good in our lives, we don't believe that our fate can change for the better, we can sink into the role of victim. We are filled with sadness and hopelessness. We can get stuck in the belief and emotional world that we are "losers", so we have a hard time realizing that we are still capable of joy and success. Once if they process and are able to let go of what happened, they will get back on their feet to leave behind the heavy grayness and start again towards a happier future.

The beginning of a big change came in their life. In this harrowing period, it is crucial to nourish their body as well as their soul and mental health and take the right quantity and quality of rest. For this, they may have to seek outside help to overcome the obstacles that their own mind has set up.

In addition to rest, engaging in activities that relieve their inner anxiety can help to them to find their way out of the oppressive darkness. It can be any creative, self-expressive activity, where they can put their thoughts into shape, express their feelings, or a form of exercise that suits them and relieves the accumulated inner tension. The goal is recovery and healing, rebuilding the shaken self-confidence.

Walking in nature, gardening, anything that brings peace to their soul can help. It may also happen that they allow a new science into their life, which arouses their interest and brings the zest for life again back to them.

If they learn to move on and let go, if they take care of themself, if they allow their imagination to soar again, if they rekindle the warrior fire in their soul, they can begin to heal and find their way back to the path of happiness.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not texting my friend?

To be clear I have no intention of cutting off this person, I will not block or ghost them, and if they text me I WILL answer and not be dry or lame about it.

I just won't be the one to start any conversations.

Moving on:

The story is super complicated but I'll try to keep it coherent.

Three people in the story (fake names):

Me (20)

Alex (16) - friend

Luck (16) - younger sibling We are all the same gender.

Something to keep in mind about me: I have always been very sheltered, naive and distracted, people have told me so and the more I learn the more I realize how ignorant I am. So I have very little experience, perception and knowledge of worldly things. This makes it difficult for me to keep up with people my age and I spend most of my focus on stories I like to write. It's not an excuse for anything and I'm actively working to be better.

Something that doesn't contribute much to the story but may be nice to know: Pretty much everything happens online, I've only met Alex in person like 4 times for birthday parties and stuff.

Now the story: I met Alex three years ago during covid when I was doing school online (I was 17 and Alex and Luck were 13). I was introduced to Alex through my younger sibling. Luck added me to a group chat with a bunch of their classmates, and I got popular really fast. Alex took a particular liking to me, because they thought i was funny and we had many of the same hobbies. So Alex was the first of Luck's friends to start a chat with me directly. Alex was always online and so was I, so we ended up talking alot, like all the time. I noticed Luck got kind of jealous, and that was when I began to wonder if the friendship was right, but I did nothing about it.

Eventually Alex and I started writing a story together, it's something I try to do with all of my close friends and we got really into it. A big rule that I have is that the real world and fiction are separate, under no circumstances are they to entertwine, especially emotionally (ex. I have never and will never insert myself in a story or daydream, not even if reality sucks for me at that time) Alex was different, they got attached to the characters. So there I am, obsessed with progressing the story's plot, and I kill off one of my characters. Alex expresses discontent, but not much. It's through Luck that I find out later that Alex had been crying about it for days. I felt bad and brought the character back, and life went on.

A year and a half into our friendship and Luck seems to have gotten over her jealousy, while Alex and I spend more time writing and focusing on the story than anything else. There are some signs in the rare times that Alex and I talk about life that it become apparent that Alex is going through a rough time, but I don't think too much about it since the story is all that's on my mind. On top of this there's school and whatever.

One day Alex starts asking for breaks from story writing and plotting, and I agree without a fuss. It gets me thinking a bit more, and after a couple more days during a conversation about the real world Alex sends a long paragraph about how horrible things are. (I won't explain what exactly these horrible things were for privacy reasons) Now I realize how inconsiderate I've been so far and I tell Alex that I'm there to support them in whatever they need. I spend pretty much all of the next year texting them every hour of every day and this is what happens:

At the beginning of our friendship our conversations flowed wonderfully, we shared our achievements and showed genuine interest in each other's lives. But things changed and by this point In the story our conversations go like so:

Me: (asks a question) Alex: (responds) Me: (reacts to response) Alex: (dry response) -Repeat infinitely-

Aside from that we would always say goodnight and Goodmorning to each other.

One time. Only one. Alex texted me asking for help and I didn't see the message until hours later. I never really forgave myself for that.

At this point I'm 19 and Alex is 15, and it suddenly crosses my mind how our friendship might be perceived by others. I considered Alex another younger sibling, but with all the crazy things happening in the world I wondered what others would think. In the end I concluded that Alex needed me and it didn't matter. So life goes on. My entire life revolves around helping Alex, when I'm not texting them I am worrying, my own problems come second. My whole family thinks I'm addicted to my phone. I'm always tired and stressed. The stories were put on pause.

Time passes and soon I'm turning twenty. I'm starting to think I can't do it anymore, our friendship has turned kind of codependent (I didn't even know what that was until a month ago). I consider ghosting many times, changing my number, blocking, but only for a couple minutes at a time and I always hate myself for thinking it afterwards. I keep talking to Alex, but sometimes I'll answer a bit slower. Let them wait 3-5 minutes instead of 1-2, if I really steel myself I can hold back for 7 minutes.

One day without warning Alex doesn't text me at all. They've dissapeared before but never without sending a quick message to let me know about it, not until this day. Their status also worries me, only one word: "gone". There I am internally freaking out, losing it, trying to come up with reasons for which everything is fine. I don't ask Luck if they know anything because I know they'll get annoyed. It's not until late the next day that Alex lets me know they went a roadtrip. I tell them "I was worried lol" and immediately they ask why. I wasn't expecting an apology but the question struck me as weird, so I was reluctant to answer. Alex pushes for an answer, they haven't been this interested in what I've had to say for years. I with horror I realize that they liked that i was worried, they wanted to milk it as much as they could. I understand that people need validation, but I was already constantly complementing Alex and telling them how important they were. The fact that they preferred my panic (though in Alex's defense I never told them I was panicking) hit me hard. I didn't elaborate on why I was worried. Alex got upset. And i spent the next hour sobbing over my phone, realizing i needed some distance.

I started slow. I wouldn't say goodnight somedays, others I would forgo a Goodmorning, but I always answered (I swore to myself never to leave Alex on read). I went on a trip and I decided I would enjoy it for once, so I let Alex know i couldn't text much. Nevertheless this lack of contact didn't keep me from worrying and wondering endlessly.

After the trip we kept texting less, we expressed missing each other but neither of us did too much to keep things going. I tried to focus on my in-person relationships, and friendships with people my age. I went back to stories and published a novella.

Nowadays Alex and I talk maybe once every week and a half. The conversations are excruciating. Alex tells me how things still suck, my usual words of comfort seem to mean nothing to either of us anymore. Alex leaves me on read as soon as the conversation goes dry, usually after ten minutes worth of conversation, sometimes over the span of many hours. We don't talk again until I cave in and say hello. Then a couple days later Alex says hello. And then it's up to me again, and every time I tell myself I won't do it.

Luck has told me their opinion of Alex, they saw way before I did how self-centered Alex is. The thing is Alex doesn't do it on purpose, I am entirely sure of that and so is Luck. Luck treats Alex nicely but they're out of touch, more than I am. I am not mad at Alex. I still care deeply for them, but I feel like there's nothing I can do andour old dynamic just hurts both of us. Cutting them off is not an option, they're just a kid and I'm better than that. So I just don't start a conversation.

A couple days ago Alex texted me (even though it was my unspoken turn to text first) and we talked, and the conversation wasn't dry at all, and it wasn't that painful to deal with. They showed interest in my life and shared some sad stuff but also happy stuff about theirs, and it felt like old times. We texted the entire day. At one point the they mentioned that I could text them whenever I wanted, and I felt an underlying petition that I do. The conversation went on and eventually they left me on read the next morning when I answered a message from the night before.

Ever since then I've been actively holding back from texting them but I can't help but wonder if I'm a jerk for it.

These aren't even all the factors but this post has gotten too long lol.

So AITA?

[totalswag]

nonsense — DREW STARKEY

authors note i've wanted to write a singer!reader drew fic for the longest time. i've read some singer!reader fics lately and it gave me some inspiration to write my own. i hope you guys enjoy reading. this was also requested by an anon not long ago, so if you’re reading this enjoy 🩵. the song choice is nonsense and just think to when sabrina is performing this song at coachella.

summary performing at coachella for the first time with friends and your lovely boyfriend supporting you in the crowd.

warnings none!

Coachella.

This is your first Coachella where you are performing. You will be playing live in front of millions of people. This is the last weekend for the festival.

Tens of thousands of people travel from all over the world to attend Coachella. The festival features sculptures, art installations, and other open events in addition to music.

When your manager called you about being invited to perform you couldn't believe your ears. Now, here you are about to step on stage.

Standing in a circle backstage with your crew, discussing everything you've prepared for over the last few days and having fun out there. This is what you always do before a show.

Second weekend of the festival.

Walking on stage seems like a surreal experience for you. Looking around, you can sense the intensity of the enormous crowd in front of you.

The weather was lovely, with the sun still shining and the breeze brushing over your skin. 

"Hello Coachella, my name is Y/F/N, what's yours?" You smile into the microphone while waving away.

You began by introducing the crowd to yourself, your backup dancers, your music, if everyone is having a great time, etc.

Interacting with your fans is one of your favorite parts of singing on stage. You value your interactions with them since you like conversing. When you read comments on your shows, they usually mention how fascinating you are.

After singing a few songs from the set list, you took a little breather and spoke to the crowd saying a joke, making them laugh.

You begin the next song by sipping from an old-fashioned soda bottle while seated in a chair. As you take a seat, you glimpse your boyfriend, Drew, along with a couple of your friends and security. 

You two make eye contact. Butterflies fill your stomach. You offer him a small wave, and he smiles and turns around, presumably blushing.

Fans up close captured the brief interaction with their phones out. We'll see it on social media later today.

Drew and you began dating in the midst of season three of Outer Banks. The first outing was Pougelandia, and fans began to speculate about your relationship because it came out of nowhere.

To be honest, Madelyn Cline and you were close friends before she began filming season one of Outer Banks. She’s the one who introduced you to Drew.

"The last song I'll be playing for you guys is nonsense, so if you know the lyrics, sing along," you cheer, lifting your free hand in the air, moving it around with excitement.

"Is it possible we get my amazing dancers out here," you turn around, pretending you have no idea where they went, "guys come out here, we could perform some sort of choreography, you know" as you gaze at your dance crew coming out the set.

Nonsense is about Drew.

It is one of your favorite songs that you have written. When you first released it, many were unsure who it was about until photos of Drew and you emerged.

Think I only want one number in phone

I might change your contact to "don't leave me alone"

You said you like my eyes and you like to make 'em role

Treat me like a queen, now you got me feelin' thrown, oh

You dance with your dancing crew, who are behind you and moving in sync. The choreography is muscle memory for you guys because you've been performing this song for a few years now.

But I can't help myself when you get close to me

Baby, my tongue goes numb, sounds like "bleh bleh bleh"

I don't want no one else (no no) baby, I'm into deep

Here's a little song I wrote (a song I wrote) its about you and me

When you sing the last line of the pre-chorus, you gesture to Drew in the audience, who moves his head side to side while listening to you sing and blushes when you point to him. You giggle into the microphone.

Fans started cheering louder as they watched you motioning to your lover in the audience.

You continue to move around stage all throughout the song.

You go around the center of the stage as your backup dancers finish their final few dances. One of your backup dancers grabs a chair for you to sit in.

At the end of nonsense you always come up with rhymes. Started doing this after the first performance and can't stop doing it.

Told him he makes me weak to my knees

Everything about him just so dreamy

By the way he's name Drew Starkey

When you say your boyfriend's name, the crowd cheers. You saw his response as he mouthed the words "I love you," dropped his jaw, and put his hands over his heart.

"Coachella, you've been amazing to me these past two weekends. Thank you so much. Can we please give a huge around of applause for our amazing dancers, come on out guys!" Excitement in your voice when you call your dance crew out on stage.

Once you guys made it off stage, you guys began cheering with a bunch of energy. Everyone gave each other hugs.

"Water is calling my name right now" you groan with urgency.

Approaching your manager, holding a cold water bottle for you- thanking her a few times as you open the bottle. You were about jugging down the water when you heard Drew's voice approaching.

"Hi baby," you squeal, dragging the y in baby, and rush into Drew's arms, wrapping your arms around his neck. Being in his arms sends relief in your body.

He smells so good.

He chuckles, "You did so well out there, so proud of you," and delicately places you on your feet.

"Thank you," blushing to the point where your cheeks were red. "Did you enjoy the outro of nonsense?" You inquire with curiosity, despite the fact that you already know his response.

He softly grins that makes your heart flutter, "Mhm yeah I did" kissing the top of your head, wrapping his right arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.

"Why don't we get something to eat?" "How's that sound, baby?" Drew asks, his arm still around you.

Your ears and eyes light up from his request, “obviously yes.”

Before leaving you heard the voices of friends turning the corner. The rest of your friends, as well as Drew's cast members who are also your friends, returned to stage, thrilled to see you.

It was so good to see them.

Drew and you returned to the van to change, drove to the Airbnb to relax before returning to watch other artists perform after the sun had set with your friends.

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[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

Context: @bengiyo made a hypothetical queer cinema syllabus for a hypothetical baby gay to watch. I said "fuck it I'll do it," and he said "dear god, there are so many movies on here, pick three from each section" and I said "absolutely not, I shall watch them all. And here i am I think over a year later and only four sections in. Anyway I am working my way through Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley right now which is:

Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004),Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986),Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffrey (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995).

Today I will be talking about

Jeffrey (1995) dir. Christopher Ashley

[Run Time: 1:33, Available: Tubi, Google TV; Language: English]

Summary: A poignant romantic comedy about the quest for love and intimacy in the age of AIDS. A story of a thirtyish gay actor/waiter who decides to become celibate...the risk of AIDS has taken all the joy from sex.

Cast: 

Steven Weber as Jeffrey, main character

Michael T Weiss as Steve Howard, love interest

Patrick Steward as Sterling. Jeffrey’s friend

Bryan Batt as Darius, Sterling’s boyfriend

Content warning: this film very much has some costuming choices and lines that do not age well

__

I love seeing how movies handle matters of grief, and all the little ways the world continues to turn even as you feel like your life has tilted on an axis. I feel like Jeffery does a really great job of showing this kind of push and pull. It is simultaneously absurdity, the comedy, the pain, it’s all there, and it’s real, and I think it balanced it well without ever tipping over the edge in to something so sad as to move me to tears. Which, I think is the point because this is very much listed as a romantic comedy and I am inclined to agree, at least with the comedy part because this film was very funny. 

And it was fun. 

It was so much fun to watch! 

This film is based off of a play and thus the structure of the film is wonky, it’s disjointed, motifs in some ways, it breaks fourth walls left and right, it spirals in to dance numbers and jeopardy style fantasy all the time, and you can tell that the people making this movie had a really really great time doing so. It was bright, it was vibrant, it was full of life. 

And coming to the end of this movie, it makes so much sense, the intentionality behind the ridiculousness of its scenes, the vibrancy of its sets, the colors and the characters. The intentionality behind the seriousness of it too. The fight between Steve and Jeffrey out front of Steve’s apartment, the conversation between Sterling and Jeffrey in the hospital after Darius died. This is a movie about living. Living despite. 

Jeffrey is terrified of HIV/AIDS. So terrified that he goes from fucking as many people as he can to abstaining from sex altogether. So terrified that he pushes away a man that he has hit it off really well with after finding out he’s HIV positive. So terrified that he is going to sublet his apartment and run away back to Wisconsin to hide from it all. Jeffrey is afraid of death, he is afraid of sickness, he is afraid. So much of this unit has been about what we lost to AIDS. The people we lost, the loves we lost, the memories we lost. And while losing loved ones is a part of this film as well, that is not its primary message. Jeffrey focuses on the life that Jeffery lost, the love, the memories he never made because of fear. He hurt Steve time and time again, he didn’t (or wasn’t going to) march in Pride, he yearned desperately for sex but would not engage in it in any form because he was scared of getting AIDS, and he was scared of losing people to it too. 

I feel like “it is better to have loved and lost than to never to have loved at all” is an appropriate quote when it comes to the thesis of this film. Though I might tweak it to something more like… “it is better to live with loss than to never live at all.” 

gif by @ballumville

This film is listed as a comedy, and something that I personally find absolutely crucial to good comedy is sincerity and seriousness. I do not want comedies to be funny all the way through, I much prefer when a comedy reminds you that it knows the world we live in and finds laughter in it anyway. Because that feels so much truer to life. Jeffry, Darius, and Sterling are at yet another memorial, and they are cruising, and it is not that they aren’t sad to lose another person, but there are just so many men there. Jeffrey, Darius, and Sterling are at yet another memorial and Darius and Sterling insult the choice in music, start to talk about Darius’ inevitable death and Jeffrey doesn’t want to hear it. Jeffrey, Darius, and Sterling are at yet another memorial and Darius and Sterling adorn fancy grieving hats they have stolen from the coatroom to lighten the prayer. 

Grief is learning someone you love has died, and the timer for the oven going off because your lunch is ready. Grief is learning someone died while you are wearing a sweater with In Dog Years I’m Dead printed on it. Grief is learning someone died, and still going to the dinner you planned to have with a friend. Death is terrible and absurd, and lives are changed in an instant, and you can’t stop your roommate from making a joking “everyone still alive?” comment when everyone is very much not. Death is terrible and absurd, and like Jeffrey you go to the hospital to visit a friend, and you have a conversation with them for a full five minutes before he tells you his partner died half an hour ago. Death is terrible and absurd and you are able to cry but the ghost of your friend comes to visit in his CATS costume and tells you everything will be fine.

Jeffrey is scared to have sex, he is scared to acquire HIV, he is scared to lose those he loves to the disease. And he strains against the confines he’s put himself in, all these old parts of himself slipping hands through the bars of their cage. But Jeffrey has trapped himself in a hell of his own design and he’s slapped the label AIDS overtop of it and resigned himself to a boring, meaningless existence away from his life and his friends and all the potential lovers he might find because of his fear. 

This film was funny, it gave you as many reprieves as it could, it held resolute in its sincerity when it needed to, and eased up on the gas before things could go to far. It was funny, it was whimsical, I had a lovely time seeing all the little ways they took a stage play and adapted it for the big screen. I lost my mind at how many truly phenomenal, A-list actors were in this film, most in small guest roles. I’m talking: Sigourney Weaver, Kathy Najimy, Nathan Lane, Christine Baranski, and quite a few more. 

I had a great time watching this film, I loved it alot. Mother Teresa smoking a cigarette and playing piano and all. 

Favorite Moment 

God there were so many good ones. I think my favorite moment is actually the scene during Pride with the newscaster, all these gays crowding around him as he tries to give his report. Getting interrupted by Steve and Sean and Sterling and Darius, the narrative to get straight to the point of Jeffrey’s character in that moment by having the reporter ask Jeffrey what he planned to do during Gay Pride and to have him answer “I’m running” (fucking brilliant), and then of course the moment to end all moments. Sterling telling the newscaster that Angelique was going to get her penis removed after Pride, and seeing her mother proudly exclaim “it’s coming right off!” 

It was such a tight and effective way to show the dynamics of the main characters, how much life and excitement Darius had in being on the news in that moment, the way that Jeffrey was standing apart from everyone else, that he was described as someone who ‘could be anyone’, that he was so visibly outside of the celebrations.

Favorite Quote

“Of course life sucks. It always will. So why not make the most of it? How DARE you not lunge for any shred of happiness?"

A strong contender for my favorite scene of the film, I really loved the push and pull of the scenes with the clergyman. Nathan Lane is a brilliant performer, as is Steven Weber and it is really fun watching moments where you stick two talented people in a room together and let them just cook with gas. I have probably said it too many times at this point that there is a very smart balance between comedy and drama in this film, and the entire scene between these two is one of the clearest examples of that. This line is said to Jeffrey by the Catholic priest as they leave the confessional where the priest has just been talking about how God is in musicals. And Jeffrey is just “what about”ing his way to the endless, miserable spiral of a man who cannot see the joy that rests just beyond his fear. 

I love this line because as someone who has had a non-zero number of lows in their life, I have gotten through those periods of fear, of doubt, of misery by reaching for the smallest joys. In some of my worst bouts of stress, depression, whatever I kept a journal where I forced myself for months, just before bed to write three things I was grateful for that I had experienced that day. So that I might end my day on a positive, and so that I might look back when I needed to to see that no day is wholly good or wholly bad. 

So I appreciate seeing characters get beat over the head with something preachy like that, like grabbing for scraps of happiness wherever they are. 

Score 

9/10 

There were so many great moments, there were so many beautiful lines. It was expertly balanced, and I will never look at balloons the same way again.

[critter-coded]

I wanted to share some of my recent thoughts related to my therianthropy since my mini hiatus. I'm a wee bit too tired lately for a nicely designed post, so hopefully this works fine!

I've been identifying as a raccoon for a while now, and I do feel that this has been the most confident and happy I've been with my identity in likely my whole life. I stopped restricting myself to only focus on traits that are exclusively nonhuman because, frankly speaking, my life centers around living a human experience. The cumulative traits that make me feel "critter" are more important than the nuances of human versus nonhuman in my labeling. Eventually I'd like to write a post diving deeper into that, but for now, I feel that raccoon is an adequate and comfortable title since it encapsulates my full experience without limiting the factors that could be just a human behavior. My being is a whole, and separating things out always caused me undue stress.

A few months ago, I found a place 30 minutes away from the city I live in where no one else seems to go and I've been taking a lot of photos of it during my time reflecting there. I feel the most whole in rural environments rather than urban, but I do feel impacted by human touch so fields with farms on the horizon often accordingly connect with me the most. Not the idea of country living, but the country itself seems home like. Crowds have only made me more anxious with age and city living, and I don't think I'll ever flawlessly fit into human society no matter how long I sit at a desk or surround myself with social situations that unintentionally become awkward somehow. I've come to terms that my animal experience does and has in some ways hindered my development as a human because human talk, human expression, and human body language all feel odd. It may be in part trauma that impacts that too, but each conversation requires planning, deep analysis, and reacting appropriately and never naturally.

After a long and tiring day, I still find a lot of comfort in just being raccoon. Therianthropy is tiring in the world my body is built for, but so comforting within itself. The animal lens is far more enjoyable than mankind's.

(Reposted from my Instagram)

[diedikind]

xie lian character study part 2

Part 2: "Are the common people worth saving?"

“TGCF is an allegory written for those children who were born in the best of times and grew up in happiness and smooth sailing:

"One day, you will step out of your fortress, see the world, and realize that the people in it are far more complex, chaotic, common, and vile than you ever imagined. Without a doubt, you are one of them; you all share feelings of contradiction, timidity, confusion, self-doubt, and even harboured resentments.

"But everything that you once believed in, and still desperately want to believe in—though naive, is also grand.”

— Peking University Online Literature Forum

(you can think of Peking University as the Harvard of China)

-

with the fall of xianle, xie lian experiences "body in abyss". he understands the taste of hunger, poverty, and filth for the first time.

from 33 heavenly officials fighting over the spiritual land, to a hundred swords piercing through the heart, to his parents and feng xin leaving -- the progression of events shows xie lian the darker side of reality.

so, was he able to keep his heart in paradise?

he curses, attempts to rob, and initiates the second wave of the human face disease.

-- yet he still waits for a bamboo hat in the rain.

“Xie Lian didn’t become the next White-Clothed Calamity, not only because of the bamboo hat man, but also because he chose to postpone his revenge and wait for kindness in a world of cruelty, to carve out a third path from a forced dichotomy, to search for the flower in a ruined city. Xie Lian didn’t become the next White-Clothed Calamity because he is Xie Lian. ” — me, in the author's notes of a fanfic hahaha

xie lian learns two things that directly contradict his ego structure as a type 2:

A. "saving the common people" is not as easy as he thought.

in part 1 i mentioned that type 2s have a tendency to deny the real efforts and sacrifices required to achieve goals. now xie lian realises that his dream is easier said than done. the third path is a difficult one to walk. but he decides to walk it anyway.

B. gods are human, too.

in part 1 i mentioned that type 2s repress negative emotions like resentment and hurt, which is to support the idea that they're limitless, which in turn sustains their "pride" -- that they are here to save common people, that they themselves are not common.

now xie lian realises that he can hate as well, that there are things gods can't do, either, that maybe gods aren't unlike everyone else after all -- and that's okay.

perhaps, it really isn't about the outcome of "saving the common people" as it is about aligning every action you take to a set of principles, as it is about being a good person.

in effect, xie lian no longer talks the talk of his dream. he lives this truth by walking the walk.

“to save the common people” is hence an abstraction of something much more concrete: being a kind and gentle person.

-

there are several symbolisms in canon to support this second growth arc of xie lian's.

let's start with his name.

the "lian" in xie lian is a homophone to "lotus flower".

there is a phrase in chinese called 出淤泥而不染, which translates to "emerging from the mud without being stained." it describes someone who maintains their purity and integrity despite being in a corrupt or morally challenging environment. it originates from a poem by the Chinese poet Zhou Dunyi (周敦颐) called "Ai Lian Shuo" (爱莲说, "Ode to the Lotus"). The lotus flower grows in muddy waters but blooms unstained and pure, symbolising this concept.

moving on.

【With a sword in one hand and a flower in the other, it symbolizes "possessing the power to destroy the world, yet retains a heart that cherishes flowers."】

this is quite self-explanatory. the only thing i'll add: xie lian has a tender heart.

finally, another chinese proverb 真金不怕火炼, which translates to "real gold does not fear the test of fire."

to see the metaphor, xie lian is the gold, while jun wu the fire.

we can pick up on gold from "noble, gracious, special someone", which comes from the original text 金枝玉叶, which literally translates to "golden branches and jade leaves".

additionally, in the revised version, hua cheng gifts xie lian a golden flower.

on the other hand, jun wu is the fire because volcano + the burning of the heavenly capital.

"real gold does not fear the test of fire" means that true quality or genuine character stands up to trials and challenges. just as real gold remains pure and undamaged when subjected to intense heat, a person or thing of true value will not be diminished or corrupted by difficult circumstances.

we can see the entire metaphor at play when bai wuxiang traps xie lian in the kiln (volcano - fire) but xie lian (gold) emerges as Him Self.

he rejects the mask, just as the golden mask of the god-pleasing warrior fell off, revealing the true face of Xie Lian underneath.

he is not Jun Wu, because he made different choices, he walked down the third path, vowing to never change.

he chose to be gentle and kind.

-

so if MXTX wrote xie lian to be much kinder and gentler in the revised version, it's because that's who he is.

[stephaniebrownslover]

HIII WELCOME MEE

FIRST I WANT TO SAY I REALLY LOVE YOUR WRITING STYLE. YOU'RE ONE OF MY FAVORITE CP WRITERS IN TUMBLR (Seriously, no joking)

Can you please write Kate x Nina's relationship for your main AU?

(Also it's one of my fav ship, I wanted to read my fav ships hcs by my fav writers)

I WAS ALMOST FORGET, HAVE A GOOD DAY/NİGHT :3

HIIIIIII AGAIN LOVELY PERSON!!!!

Bro. Bro stop saying things like this because I'm literally about to cry. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH

I really love and be surprised when people like my writing because of my self-esteem issues lol you have no idea how your kind words make me so happy and and make hate less from my writing style so thank youuuuuuu

I appericate you so much and and you're so sweet and nice and cool and awesome and cool and kind and sweet and and and

Okay I think I'll have an heart attack sorry if İ bothered you but I'm truly so grateful for your kind words<3333

I love NinaKate so much so of course I can do it for you even if I'm dying lol

(Ps: it wasn't seasonal allergies, turns out, it was the beginnig stage of pneumonia and bronchitis lol)

Also you can check this non-canon NinaKate headcanon post I made some time ago too!!

Okay but I can't get over how nice the words you say, really, I'm thinking about it since I saw the ask.

Sorry it's more like how they became friends and Nina and Kate lore but it would be so long that I had to split it into 2 parts. Hope you don't mind.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT AND DAY TOO!!!!

Holy shit it's angst, I really didn't mean to...

NinaKate Romantic Relationship For My Main AU-Part I

They seeing each other for the first time

Nina has been known among the proxies since the night when Zalgo controlled her at the age of 15 and helped her find Jeff. Slenderman didn't want to take her with him because he didn't see any benefit to himself since Zalgo had reached out to her first, but he hadn't given the order to kill her yet just because he was curious about what would happen.

Nina was unaware that it was a ritual to summon Zalgo when she practiced one of the love spells she found on the Internet at the age of 13. Zalgo, seeing potential in her because of her obsessive love, followed her for 2 years, did not leave her alone. And since he decided it was the perfect time to take her with him, he took control of her body at the age of 15 and had her kill her own family.

Regaining control while plunging a knife into the heart of her younger brother Chris, Nina then felt so bad that she ran to the woods near her home. Zalgo led Nina through the forest, aiming to convince her that all this was Slenderman's and Jeff's fault and get her to the stage of wanting revenge. There she met Jeff, but Zalgo's plan backfired, as she hugged him and cried instead of hating him as he expected.

Kate had never seen the newcoming stray killer that Slenderman wanted to get rid of face to face before, but she had heard about the descriptions of her appearance and that she was a weird person in general. Since she was already someone who had been drifted away from humanity for a while, she had no reason to meet her, and these rumors didn't help either.

Kate, who was only 16 years old, had been a proxy for two years and had no one because of the fact that Masky and Hoodie were too focused on their own worlds and she didn't like them either. Rouge, Cody and Toby were not yet a proxy. So he was alone with Hoodie and Masky, who didn't even want to talk to her because they were afraid of her, and she wasn't looking for any human relationship.

She had experienced a hellish life until she was 14, but since she became a proxy, she has literally not been a human being. Although she had all the necessary human characteristics, she was not treated as a human, she did not think like a human, she did not feel like a human. That's why she was Slenderman's favorite proxy, since the whole purpose of her living was to fulfill his duties. The fact that she unconditionally accomplished everything he said made the others even more distant from her, but there was no problem for Kate. After all, she was no longer a human being.

It's been a month since Nina started staying in the same cabin with Jeff. Actually, she could have gone back to her old life since Zalgo destroyed the traces of that night, but Nina didn't know about it yet. Since no one else was trying to communicate with her, she thought that Jeff was the only important thing in her life, and she was holding on to him with all her strength. Although Jeff felt sorry for her at first, they started arguing because he was getting overwhelmed by her sticky attitude.

One day, when Jeff was drunk and really hurt Nina's feelings, Nina ran away deep into the forest to calm down. After walking for a while, she realized that she had lost. Moreover, this time, since both sides considered Nina worthless, there was no one to guide her through the forest. Nina was completely lost. She crossed to the foot towards a tree and let the tears flow, which she could no longer hold back. She was crying not only for this moment, but for everything. Most of all, because she was a bad person, and the fact she deserved all this.

Kate was returning from a mission. She was incredibly injured, and if people really cared about her, they wouldn't have let her walk on her own. Actually, Hoodie, with whom she had gone on, had offered to help her, but Kate's snarling with hatred indicated that she had responded negatively to his offer, and Hoodie's fear of Kate had caused her not to insist any further. After all, Kate knew that no one really wanted to deal with a non-human proxy who was at the age of 16.

That's why Kate was staggering through the forest alone, trying to ignore the pain and depth of her wounds. She just needed to get to Jack's cabin. Ann had just arrived, and Kate still didn't trust her. She had many reasons not to trust a zombie. Smiley hadn't started working for Slenderman yet either. So Jack was the only one Kate could go to, and despite her bleeding wounds, she was trying to get there as quickly as possible.

Kate, who was trying to walk, heard a crying sound. It... it was a human cry. She didn't know what she had to do. She kept walking, thinking that she didn't need to do anything because she knew she wasn't a human. But there was something in that crying sound which bothered her. This stranger's voice was filled with more pain and anger than she had ever heard before. Although Kate was not ready to face an enemy, she decided to check the source of the sound.

The person crying was none other than Nina, whose name was mentioned only with hatred and contempt.

Their first real meeting

Kate watched Nina for a while without making a sound. She did not know why she was crying, and frankly she had wondered what made her so sad. Because as far as she heard from others, Nina was a person who was cheerful enough to annoy and never got upset. And obviously, Kate was surprised to encounter a sight that was the opposite of the rumors she had heard.

Just when Kate decided she had watched enough crying and was getting ready to leave, Nina, who heard the sounds Kate was making, shouted in that direction. Kate would never normally have made such a fatal mistake, her injuries had made it difficult to control her body and she hated it. She hated being weak.

When Nina screamed again, Kate knew she had to do something. Her first thought was to quietly leave the environment, but she was not in a good enough condition to do so, and Nina was not an enemy. So, Kate thought it would be enough for her to just say hello and introduce herself.

When she appeared, Nina tried to suppress her sobs and stand up, but she fell to the ground since she sprained her leg. While Kate was only frowning at this situation, Nina was thinking about how useless and incompetent she was, which is why her crying became more intense.

Not knowing what to do, Kate slowly went up to her and held out her hand to her. On her first attempt, she had pulled her hand out regretfully before she even reached the halfway point, but when she saw how upset Nina was, she tried to overcome her hesitation. Kate was sure that she had been disturbed by the sound of her crying, and that she had been so kind as to make her cease her voice. However, in reality, it was just a proof that her humanity had not completely died.

Although Nina wanted to hold her hand, she suddenly saw how badly Kate was injured, and Nina immediatly pulled the hand she was holding out to hold Kate's and took support from the tree. She then stated that she did this because she did not want to hurt her any more, but was grateful for the offer of help.

Then nervously asked if Kate, who she knew was not the enemy, could take her back to Jeff's cabin after someone checked Kate. Nina didn't know where she was supposed to go, but she was sure that the person in front of her knew. She had seen the proxy mark on her wrist from her torn clothing.

Kate only responded with a shrug and started walking slowly. Nina also went after her, hoping that this was a signal for her to follow the proxy. Along the way, although Kate occasionally looked at Nina, Nina didn't mind it. Nina had noticed that she was an observant person, and she even thought it was cute.

After a walk, they arrived at Jack's cabin, where Nina randomly asked Kate questions to distract her own mind from sad topics, and Kate sometimes gave audible answers, while most of them were in body language.

Kate knocked on the door and asked Jack if he could take a look at her wounds. When Jack called her in, Nina was standing in front of the door because she didn't recognize him. But later, when she saw Kate making a movement signaling for her to come inside, she entered the cabin and closed the door.

After first Kate's wounds were taken care of, and then her own leg, Jack insisted they should stay here. He said it was too late even for a proxy and the killer to be roaming the forest, and explained that he had enough places. He also mentioned that Kate wouldn't need to come all that distance for her check-up the next morning.

Nina, who heard the word , only burst into sobs. Killer. That's how people must have see her now. As someone who takes lifes of innocent people for no reason. She knew that her idol was a murderer, but she had convinced herself that his victims were for a purpose. That's why she hated herself while glorifying Jeff in her eyes.

While Jack was trying to calm her down, Kate also bizarrely asked why she was crying. Nina was angry at being asked so clearly, so she yelled and told what had happened to her. She said how she had a wonderful family, but now they're nine floors underground because of her own stupidity. And what a terrible big sister she was.

While Jack was patting her on the back just to calm her down, Kate said it wasn't her fault. She even tried to explain that she was aware of what Zalgo had done, and that Nina was considered lucky to have survived with this much, as Kate was someone who had seen even worse.

Nina, on the other hand, was only more annoyed and asked how she was considered lucky. Her life was completely ruined, she had nowhere or no one to go to. Then Kate told her that the cops weren't after her, that she didn't have to live this life like herself. She sat down next to Nina and controlled herself, even though she wanted to put her hand on Nina's back.

Nina was surprised now. She asked Kate about her own story. Nina wanted her to tell her why Kate was here, why she was a proxy. And Kate just paused.

She said she didn't remember.

She mentioned that she had no memories of before the age of 14. Hearing this, Nina felt an incredible sense of pity for the young proxy standing in front of her. Nina may have had bad memories, but at least she had good ones too. She thought what a terrible thing it was to not know who she was. Not being aware of the existence of anyone who loves her. Not having a real life.

And quite instinctively she took hold of Kate's bony hands, which were like ice.

Kate didn't know what to do. She reflexively withdrew her hand, but she also knew that Nina had not done it for any malicious purpose, and her apology was a proof of this. Then Kate said it was okay for her to hold her hand and placed it back on her own lap. Nina grasped her hands tightly once again.

She told Kate that not having a past did not pose any problems. And Nina even got a little overexcited and said that if she wanted, they could build a future together as friends.

Kate, on the other hand, was literally shocked. While Kate was content with just nodding, Nina excitedly let go of Kate's hands and clapped her owns in the air. This was how their friendship, which was quite meaningful for both, began.

The beginning of their friendship

That night they stayed in the beds that Jack had made for them. Nina was acting incredibly protective of Kate's injuries, and Kate felt that day for the first time in years that she was worthy of being cared for as a person. Of course, this feeling was not long-lasting, but it was enough to create an involuntary smile on her lips. And that was enough for Kate for now.

Nina was constantly jumping from topic to topic while talking, occasionally not neglecting to ask Kate questions about her own thoughts. Nina realized that she was someone who didn't like to talk too much, and she didn't see extra talking as a problem because she knew that Kate was really listening her. 

Kate, on the other hand, was starting to feel more and more comfortable answering Nina's questions. Maybe this could have been due to her slowly creeping sleep, which came under the influence of medications. After saying goodnight, she finished talking. However, realizing that Nina may have thought that Kate was bored with herself, she offered that Nina could come to the proxy cabin for a few hours tomorrow if she wanted.

Nina instantly accepted this with the joy of having found a new friend. Although she was physically hurt while sleeping that night, she was emotionally relieved. A voice inside her was saying that they would both be good for each other.

Kate kept her promise. After the necessary check-up the next day, they set off for the proxy cabin. Nina was upset that Jeff hadn't called her even though she'd been away all night, but she didn't care about it as much as she usually did. Because she was no longer alone, she had a friend.

It was good for them that there was no one in the cabin. Both Kate didn't want to deal with others, and Nina wasn't ready to meet someone else yet. For a while they just hung out doing nothing and just chatted.

Kate then timidly asked Nina if she liked to play video games. Nina mentioned that she sucked at games and explained that's why she only watched other people play. Kate, on the other hand, in an even more shy manner, said that Nina could watch herself if she wanted to.

They played games for hours that day. They did not stop playing until nightfall came. And then Kate offered to take Nina to Jeff's cabin before it got too dark. Nina was actually staying alone in the same cabin with Jeff and Ben. Because they were considered one of the first inhabitants of the forest, and apart from the proxy cabin, other cabins had enough place for maximum 4-5 people.

Kate was very angry when she saw that Jeff was rude to Nina while dropping her off at the cabin, but when she saw that Nina was generally happy, she didn't say anything to avoid upsetting her. Then, when she was going to say goodbye to Nina and leave, Nina stopped her and gave her her number. Nina didn't have anywhere to write, so she asked if it would be a problem if she wrote in Kate's hand, and when Kate said yes, she wrote down her number. Then Nina asked for her own number and registered it.

After saying goodbye, Nina was waving enthusiastically to Kate from inside the cabin. Kate, too, shyly waved to her gently. When Kate turned around, she couldn't help but smiling.

When Kate came to the place where she was staying, she had a strange feeling inside. She wasn't sure what it was, but she liked it. Then, while she picked up her phone to check if there was any important message from Masky and Hoodie, she saw Nina's new message.

"Hiiiii, thx so much for helping me!!!!! Hop i can see ya soon sweetie :3333"

That day, Kate had found a real friend for herself. Maybe it could have been her first friend in her life. And she was glad of it.

Nina had found herself a true friend. Someone who really cared about her and doesn't use her for her own interests. There was a pleasant feeling in her.

Holly hell how long this shit is-

Also Nina's message might be out of character, English is not my main language and I'm not used to writing like that.

Sorry for shitty writing but I'm sick as hell

[theladycarpathia]

Help me hold on to you

“Chrissy!” he shouts and cradles her frozen face in his hands. Her skin is cold underneath his fingers and if she weren’t still standing upright, he could almost believe that she was dead.

He had only half believed her in the woods. 

 “Okay, Chrissy, I definitely believe you now,” he says desperately, as the lights flickering on and off send the room into a creepy half light. His fingers dig into Chrissy’s shoulders so hard that it must be hurting her but she still doesn’t wake. “Okay, I’m really sorry if you felt that I was humoring you or anything but I was definitely wrong. I fully believe that you are in some deep shit and I will run through the next basketball game stark naked if you just wake up and look at me now!”

But she doesn’t and dread trickles down Eddie’s spine like someone’s unwanted, grasping fingers. 

“Is something going on?” She starts, like she hadn’t expected the question and he has to wonder if anyone ever actually asks her that. Because she’s Chrissy Cunningham. Head Cheerleader. Beloved by all. Has no one ever asked her?

“I’m fine,” she insists, but her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. It’s a good fake, well practiced. She must pull it out like a favorite pair of shoes, for her parents, her friends, her boyfriend. Maybe there’s something wrong with Eddie because it’s all too easy to see through it.

“Uh huh,” he says flatly and flips the lid on the lunchbox shut. “So you…just woke up with a sudden burning need for hard drugs one day?” He spreads his hands wide, palms open, clearly not buying it. “People don’t just do that. They need them, you see. To make life a little bit easier. A little bit fuzzier. To make it all just…go away.”

Chrissy fidgets, tugging the sleeves on her jacket further down over her hands. The expression from earlier is back, desperation written all over her face.

“Seriously,” Eddie says and she flicks up huge blue eyes to meet him, finally. He thinks that no one ever asked but now, more than ever, she needs someone to. “Are you okay?”

The headaches he could believe. The nightmares, the nosebleeds…and when she’d said that she was seeing things, he’d only half believed her. He might play D&D but none of it is real. Not the ghosts, the zombies, the demo-gorgons…it’s all a game. That’s all.

But she was terrified. It was all over her, in every flinch, every breath. Something was scaring her and when a spider scuttled over her hand in the van, he had to whisk it away and assure her that it was real. He could see it too.

He shouldn’t have doubted her. Because Chrissy Cunningham is haunted. Something has been haunting this girl, dipping into her nightmares at night and making her fear her every waking moment.

“Chrissy, please!” he shouts and taps his open palm against her face. Fuck, fuck, nothing is working.

She can’t hear him.

She can’t hear him.

So…what else can she hear?

He nearly slips as he pelts back to his room and digs in the drawer. Tapes tumble out in his haste as he yanks his walk-man free and hopes that whatever is in it will do. He doesn’t know what Chrissy listens to, doesn’t even remember what song she'd used for her routine back in middle school. But he is out of options and out of time.

There is no time left at all, because when he gets back to the living room he finds that he no longer towers over her. Instead, her sneakered feet just about graze the ground, toes inches away from the tattered carpet. Bile rising in his throat, Eddie desperately unwinds the wires and does his best not to drop everything to the floor.

She doesn’t react when he forcefully jams the headphones onto her ears and she doesn’t react even as he jabs furiously at the buttons. The music is so loud that even he can hear the thumping bass line, so it must be absolutely deafening to her.

For a moment there’s nothing to show that it’s working. She hangs there, in midair, a ghost in a cheerleading uniform. It’s simultaneously the most terrifying and most ethereal thing he’s ever seen; eyes rolled white a stark contrast against the black halo of wires around her head and down her neck, the striped green of her skirt brushing her knees and the tendrils of soft red against her ears.

When she drops, it’s like her strings have all been cut. He tries to catch her, but isn’t quite prepared for it and they both fall to the floor. 

“Chrissy! Chrissy! What the hell is happening?” Eddie asks, over her terrified sobs. They’re both tangled in the walk-man wires, Eddie’s legs bent uncomfortably under him, and a strand of her ponytail has wound itself around a button on his jacket. But she’s Chrissy again.

“He’s coming for me,” she whimpers, hot tears leaking into Eddie’s Hellfire club t-shirt.

“Who’s coming for you?” Eddie asks, bewildered. The lights have come back, flooding the room with a solid glow. It just looks like his trailer again, normal, unhaunted, save for the girl crumpled against his chest. He rests a hand on her brilliant hair, unable to believe that it worked. “Chrissy? I don’t understand. Chrissy, who’s coming for you? Who is he?”

XXX Not entirely wild about this scene? It was really really hard to spin an existing scene and if I dip further into this Edissy AU, I may change it entirely. 

I wrote a post season 4 for the mini Harringrove week which can be found here. But it kind of took over - like what could save Chrissy? Max told her friends, which ultimately saved her in Dear Billy. If Chrissy had told someone would things be different?  

[snekdood]

"if we make america worse and more of a dictatorship that will be even harder to unravel and make it the way we want the country to be, maybe then everyone will join our Glorious Revolution!" bb girl you cant even be in the same room with someone who thinks you should vote, how in tf do you think you're gonna unite people to fight in The Revolution with you? it's gonna be you and your 5 friends, i hate to break it to you.

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family