#I think. in like a situation like a modern reincarnation in which they remember

[yoga-onion]

"In a crazy world, you can live more happily without having any ‘hope’."

- Hiro Sachiya (b. 1936 – d. April 7, 2022) was a Japanese buddhist scholar and a popular contemporary writer of Buddhism.

"The big lie of “making the world a better place”

The world has never been a ‘good place' for its inhabitants. Regardless of the era, the world is always a‘bad place'.

'The three realms are not at ease, they are still like a house on fire', says the Lotus Sutra. The three realms (Ref) are the worlds of greed, colour and colourlessness in which human beings reincarnate through repeated births and deaths. You could think of it as the world we live in.

The Lotus Sutra says that there is no security in this world, that it is full of anxiety, like a house engulfed in flames and burning. What is required now is to learn from this Lotus Sutra and recognise that the world is a house on fire. Politicians are trying to plant the wrong perception in the minds of the people with their nonsense. Thus we must not fall for such tricks to deceive people and must first face up to the fact that the world is always a house on fire.

That is to clarify, therefore to give up.

And you have to take a hard look at the state of the burning house in our time. People who work and have a decent income are all in debt hell. That is the state of a house on fire today.

“Let's admit that the world is on fire. If we live in an age of debt, which is on fire, then don't we need to make more efforts to extinguish the flames?” There are probably people who think this way. However, Buddhism strictly warns against the short-sighted idea that if a fire is raging, it is natural to put it out.

“Get out of the burning house immediately.”

In other words, Buddhism teaches that one should not stay in a house on fire to extinguish it. It teaches that you should leave the fire immediately. 

To think "let's make the world a better place" or "let's get rid of debt hell" is, on the contrary, to be attached to this rotten world. The modern way of reading this phrase is, “Don't do that, just leave the world as it is.”

Banks are surviving comfortably, while individuals are exhausted with debt. Look at this current situation. If you stay in the fire forever, the harder you try, the worse the situation gets.

When I say 'don't work hard, don't work hard', some people argue that they bought the flat for their family and cannot afford not to work hard to pay back the loan. The conversation ends there when I say, "Then why don't you just not buy a flat?"

If you remember the basics of living within your income, you don't have to work hard and you won't be taken in by the burning house called the world. The landscape of our times is that everyone has forgotten these basics and as a result is groaning.

“狂った世界では「希望」など持たない方が楽しく生きられる。”

― ひろさちや (1936年 7月27日 - 2022年 4月7日) は、日本の仏教思想家。多数の一般向けの解説書を執筆。

「世の中をよくする」という大ウソ

世の中が、そこに住む人たちにとって「良いもの」であったためしは無い。時代を問わず、世の中というのはいつも「悪いもの」なのだ。

「三界は安きことなし、なお火宅のごとし」と法華経の中には書かれている。三界（参照）というのは、人間が生死を繰り返しながら輪廻する三つの世界（欲界、色界、無色界）のことだが、まぁ、わたしたちが生きている世界と考えればいいだろう。

その世界には安心などなく、炎に包まれ燃え盛る家のように不安に満ちている、と法華経はいうわけである。

いま求められているのは、この法華経に学び、世の中が火宅だという認識を持つことだ。政治家は能天気な御託を並べ、間違った認識を植えつけようとしているが、そんな手練手管に乗ることなく、いつの時代も世の中は火宅だということを、まず正視しなければならない。

それは明らめることだ。

[註: 仏教の世界では「諦める」を「明らめる」と書く。つまり、あきらめるとは断念するということではなく、事実をはっきり見ることであり、現実を直視し、それをありのままに受け入れるという意味にほかならない。]

そして、この時代の火宅のありようをしっかり見極めることだ。きちんと働いて収入のある人がこぞって借金地獄にいる。それが現代の火宅である。

「世の中が火宅であることは認めましょう。いまが借金時代という火宅の時代ならば、その業火を消すべく努力を重ねる必要があるのでは？」そう考える人はいるだろう。しかし、火が燃え盛っているなら消火活動をするのが当然だ、という短絡思考は、仏教が厳に戒めるところである。

速やかに火宅を出よ。

すなわち仏教では、火宅にとどまって消火活動などするな。すぐさま火宅から出てしまえ、と教えているわけだ。

「世の中をよくしよう」「借金地獄を無くそう」などと考えることは、逆にこのロクでもない世の中に執着することになる。「そんなことはせず、世の中なんてものはうっちゃっておけばいい」というのが、この文言の現代流の読み取り方なのだ。

銀行はぬくぬくと生き残り、個人は借金でヘトヘトになっている。この現状を見てください。いつまでも火宅の中にいたら、頑張れば頑張るほど、状況はますます悪くなるばかりなのだ。頑張って収入が上がったとしても、もっと高い買い物をローンでしたら、高い金利を払うことになる。

わたしが「頑張るな、頑張るな」と言うと、自分は家族のためにマンションを買ったから、ローンを返すためには頑張らないわけにはいかない、と反論する人がいる。「だったら、マンションなんて買わなければいいじゃないの」というと、会話はそこで終わる。

収入の範囲で生活する、という基本を忘れずにいたら、頑張る必要などないし、火宅に取り込まれることもない。誰もがその基本を忘れた結果、あえいでいるというのが、この時代の風景なのだろう。

[emelinstriker]

First off, I'm really sorry about everything that's been happening around your blog. This AU has been such a huge source of comfort for me in my everyday life, and it pains me to see jerks with nothing better to do than to ruin the happiness of others affect this blog so much. However, on a different note, if you would be so kind as to let me tell you about a daydream I had about your AU, that would be just the most!

So, I was revisiting some old fandoms of mine, and I suppose those began mixing with the ESAU at some point. You know the song "Drift Away" from Steven Universe? I was thinking about how sad it was when the ESAU popped into my mind and OH BOY. I thought about this little scenario! (I apologize for the poor writing):

One of the many Master reincarnations that stuck with Macaque was the long gone Master *Gertrude. It wasn't because she led an interesting life or had special affections for him, but rather that she abandoned him. Fed up with him for being the most affectionate and always in her space, she brought him out into a field. Alone. She smiled and hugged him, something Macaque couldn't have recalled her ever doing towards him in the past, before telling him to stand still in the open field and not to move until she came back. Macaque had wanted to ask her questions about where she was going when she gave him her next and final command, to not ask her questions. With that, she left, and Macaque sensed a feeling of strong joy coming from her and, well, if his Master was happy, than he was overjoyed! And so he waited. Minutes passed by, then hours, then days and a week. And before Macaque knew it, months had gone by, follows by years. Years of standing and waiting for his Master to come back with him, with nothing but the occasional bird or rabbit passing by, which he would snatch up and eat to feed himself and keep himself busy. But Macaque couldn't understand the situation, couldn't understand why any of this was happening, until one day when he saw the other champions coming his way. By this point, the grass in the field was overgrown and the flowers had withered. A few vines reached around Macaque, keeping him planted down to the Earth, as if it was reclaiming him. His fur was filthy and unkempt and he had dark circles around his eyes because it was hard to sleep standing up, in the open, alone. Macaque had watched as his brother and the other champions approached him, Wukong coming forward in swift strides to help pull off the greenery growing on him and hugged him tightly. Macaque... felt like crying although he could hardly understand why.

"Master is dead." Wukong had spoken with his usual monotone voice, but it cracked. Hearing his brother's voice crack broke Macaque and he hugged him back, feeling warm tears running down his face and he asked the question that had been racking his mind for decades.

"Why did Master never come back for me?" Wukong couldn't answer, no one could bare to tell him except for Mink.

"Master got rid of you because they didn't like you. But don't yell at us for never looking for you, because she specifically requested that we didn't and so here we are."

Macaque remembers how he broke down right there, tired after years of standing there with sleepless nights and little to eat or do. He remembers vowing to never trust their Master so blindly again, reminding himself to keep all the qualities Master Gertrude found annoying to a minimum. Macaque won't make the same upsetting mistake twice.

*I'm really sorry if this is the name of any one who might be reading this, I mean no offense! I just looked for a name that isn't frequently used in the modern day and that's what came up

I don't know, maybe I'll write a fanfiction with the next reincarnated Reader comforting Macaque after all this trauma of abandonment, poor baby boy... An AU of an AU, how thrilling!

This could work with any of the champions, in my opinion, because, I think, that if their Master wills it, no matter how harmful it is, they would just instinctually oblige. I only used Macaque because, if this happened to him, I would just break down crying and hug him till I die! Anyways, I hope you liked this, Emelin, and please please please give me validation! Thank you, you're the best!

OOOOOO i love this omg- THE ANGST- THE AAANGSSST- I also love the moment of Wukong's voice crack- it's literally lil moments like this where he shows vulnerability and emotions- fhgnfhgnfhg

Very well written and fitting character choice for this!! :D

But how dare that Master not like Macaque's affection and just abandon him?? HE'S THE MOST WHOLESOME OF THEM ALL- If we ignore the more murderous side of him of course- BUT HE'S SO FLUFFY TOWARDS HIS MASTER AND DESERVES THE BEST FLUFF IN RETURN- HDSFNDSHFNHDSFHNHDSNHSD

Like- this is so in-character for them though- Especially between the monkey bros since Macaque is usually so eager and happy about completing a task to make his Master happy- hgfnhgnfghf the feels of potential heavy angst, man- Gotta love it-

I'd definitely read a part two with a Master who actually gives him the fluffy comfort he deserves and needs gfhgnfhjgf

[royal-ruin]

genshin: diluc and kaeya (romantic) fic recs

other genshin fic recs here genshin fic recs by pairing here personal favorites are starred, by the way. everything is complete unless stated otherwise.

Across a Lifetime by Prettyflower34

~6k

Diluc remembers his life as Arundolyn. Kaeya doesn’t remember his life as Rostam.

When his father brings a boy about his age inside the manor to get warm, Diluc’s soul settles. I’ve been waiting for you. Welcome back, it says softly. A flicker of a memory crosses his mind. Two knights, a toast, a death. Diluc stares at the boy with the guarded gaze and thinks to himself: I’ll protect you this time.

kaeya and diluc are reincarnations of rostam and arundolyn, respectively.

Best Laid Plans by moolktea

~5k, series is ~30k

As predicted, the problem of Kaeya’s absence begins to concern Diluc at exactly midnight, when Amber bursts through the doors of the Angel’s Share with something of a barely concealed desperation.

“I’m not here for drinks–it’s Kaeya!”

When isn’t it, really. - Kaeya gets himself into a situation. Diluc, however grudgingly, drags him out.

first part of the series  For Those Who Favor Fire by moolktea

Snowdrops by Sumirei (~8k)

Kaeya stared in horror at the single white petal clinging delicately to his palm.

Life was good, he thought as a gripping dread seized him, but it appeared he didn’t have much of it left to live.

hanahaki au

The Language of Flowers by Jules (Penwyn) (~4k)

Kaeya Alberich has made a habit of lying—after all, the only truths he’s ever spoken cost him everything—but there are only so many lies a man can tell before the truth comes spilling out.

*Between Heaven and Earth by xiaokaeluc (xtxiao) (~2k; Warning: MCD)

Even if our tongues had been cut out, even if our eyes has been poisoned with blood, even if we had been deaf to all the world; still, we would have known that his soul and mine were the same.

Once upon a time; before there was Diluc and Kaeya, there was Arundolyn and Rostam.

!Reincarnation Kaeluc fic.

this is an absolute must-read

make me complete once again by dandelionpetals (~25k)

[“I need you to turn down that million-dollar client.”

Jean inhales sharply. “And why on earth would I do that?”

“Because. . .” Kaeya starts, pulling one of his usual charming smiles and hoping it will work at least to soften the blow, “I promised the CEO I would never show my face in front of him again.”]

in which Kaeya's past comes back to haunt him in the form of his childhood friend-turned-stranger hiring his firm to develop his company's website.

modern au, childhood friends to strangers to lovers.

of battle scars and love marks by dandelionpetals (~10k)

[“Tell them the truth,” Diluc cuts in, tightening the grip of his coat around him. He turns around and begins walking away, but, when he speaks next, it is still loud enough for Kaeya to hear it: “There’s no point in lying. It’s not going to change anything.”]

in which Diluc burns Kaeya during a fight, creates an uproar of mistaken rumors and learns what it feels like to be consumed with guilt.

this is pre-relationship and the burning seems accidental so i don’t think it counts as domestic violence, but beware regardless.

4 Times Cavalry Captain Kaeya Breaks The Darknight Hero Out of Jail, and 1 Time Diluc Breaks Kaeya Out of Jail by kcckt (~5k)

Diluc had always been one to go with the most straightforward method. Kaeya had always liked twists and turns in his. But sometimes, the road to reconciliation requires both.

Or, alternatively, how Diluc and Kaeya reconciled through a series of jail breaks because they can't use words like normal people.

*a thousand eyes on us by morphasia (~17k)

Diluc, heir to the Ragnvindr line in the kingdom of Mond, has never believed in the advances of the hundreds of suitors that dance in his castle's ballroom. Worn thin by the constant attentions of those after his status, he never expected to find himself being the one chasing desperately after the attentions of the Prince of a lost nation, even if it lands him in the worst position possible:

Fake courting said prince, who offered him a relief from the attentions of his suitors until he can bear them again.

*No Way Out by SkySpider for nan (~11k)

["...I don't understand you sometimes." The words slipped out before Kaeya had a chance to filter them. Diluc seemed to find them amusing, allowing a tired laugh to escape.

"And I never understood you at all," Diluc whispered — and that, Kaeya supposed, he had no right to deny.]

Diluc and Kaeya find themselves trapped in a domain after a cave-in, with only each other to rely on. This can't end well.

bad liar by kae_karo (~4k)

[“You’re hopeless,” Rosaria says as soon as Diluc is out of earshot - barely, and the words send a flash of panic through Kaeya’s veins. But Diluc doesn’t react, and Kaeya leans back in his seat just enough to cast her a quick glance.

“I’m not sure what you mean."]

Kaeya finds it far easier to avoid the truth - nobody can hurt him if he keeps his distance. But Diluc sees through his lies, no matter how much Kaeya wishes otherwise.

Not Really Strangers by aeternita (~14k)

It is a shock for Diluc to find out he's been married to Kaeya all these years, when they've hardly even talked. But it's just a mistake in the papers that he will easily fix with no consequences at all. Right?

if you’ve gone through my roswell nm fic recs, you know that these secret/mistaken marriage fics do something to my brain.

*A vase broken by osamuchuu (~10k)

[Kaeya felt hands against his collar, and his vision cleared just enough for him to see the sparking intensity in Diluc’s eyes— the madness. He shifted, grabbing at Kaeya’s hair to examine his face better. A thumb glanced against his eyepatch, creating an ache that made Kaeya flinch. Diluc’s hands were fever-hot, his head tilted. “How do I know you?”]

In which Diluc falls to the abyss, and Kaeya scoops him up afterwards.

super hurt / comfort and angst with a very messed up diluc.

blazing heat by honeywhisk (~2k)

[“Stay away.” Diluc said. “This is my duty.”

Traveler covered his eyes with his hand and let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders drooping. Kaeya couldn’t blame him. He wasn’t surprised, after so many years of knowing Diluc like the palm of his own hand, but he knew it was still frustrating for someone that didn’t know how stubborn he got when he was feeling under the weather.

“Sure, sure,” Kaeya said, drawing his sword and calling his vision. Water started to pool at his feet as soon as his ice came into contact with the flames dancing around them. “Listen, while Traveler might be too polite to dare disrespect your decisions on your birthday, I am not. Move aside, Diluc.”]

[the-monkey-ruler]

So, to be clear, demons are born because they were humans who did bad things in their past lives, and that's why they were born as demons in their next lives?

Heavenly gods and immortals can also be turned into demons/Yaoguai, right?

Does that mean that those who were born as animals (who cultivate to take human form) may have done bad things too? or not necessarily so. However, I have noticed that in most Yaoguai animals that later cultivate to become human, a common goal is that they want to become completely human in their next reincarnations.

So, to be clear, demons are born because they were humans who did bad things in their past lives, and that's why they were born as demons in their next lives?

No that is not the case most of the time. At least in most if not all the stories I have read.

While I do think that humans CAN turn into Yaogaui if they were evil in a past life I think that they mostly come back as a ghost (which is a type of yao so yeah) or perhaps could regain their memories of their past life in like VERY circumstantial situations but it is rarely the case that a human in a past life would come back as a yaoguai. Like they don't even really reincarnate if they were human before, rather just turning into yaoguai right away and avoiding the wheel of reincarnation altogether. For a normal human, they would more likely spend their time in hell living out their karma and then being reincarnated as a plant or animal to rebuild their karma. They would lose all their past memories so the chances of them remembering their past life and from there being able to cultivate long enough to get a humanoid form would also be very difficult.

I'm not saying it isn't impossible and I'm sure there are a few stories out there that I'm missing but I just never personally hear of them.

I've talked about this before here but just to reiterate Yaoguai isn't really something you just born into since yaoguai children are so rare and that yaoguai are considered to be abnormal creations and thus should not be created.

Yaoguai are mostly created in two different ways

Cultivated creatures - living creatures and inorganic substances other than humans will also cultivate qi (mana/energy), wisdom, or look completely similar to humans through years of cultivation. Such a situation has always been called “成精 (Chengjing)”, “Yaoguai” and “Yaojing” are most often called such creatures, and only a few are called “仙 (Xian)” They skip the reincarnation cycles as only Humans are allowed to cultivate and therefore they very being goes against nature.

Demoted gods - some gods were relegated to the mortal world and became Yaoguai because they violated the laws of heaven. The most representative ones are Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujing. In addition, in the Journey to the West in the heavenly court, there are also some people who violate the laws and deviate from the mortal, but privately descend. Many of them are waiters and mounts around the gods, such as the Golden and Silver Horned Kings of the Taishang Laojun, Yellow Robe Demon, which was originally Kui Mulang, Maitreya Bodhisattva’s Yellow Brows Great King, Manjushri’s Azure Lion and so on.

Heavenly gods and immortals can also be turned into demons/Yaoguai, right?

I've only seen gods in heaven being able to become yaogaui, I haven't seen immortals without a heavenly title turning into demons.

There are a lot of modern media bout evil cultivist that can take power from yaoguai and low-key do kinda turn into yaoguai but I haven't really seen this in like older mythology personally. Not saying it isn't a thing just that I haven't seen it. Gods on the other hand I see far more like in Xiyouji where they abandon their post and leave to earth to become powerful demons.

Does that mean that those who were born as animals (who cultivate to take human form) may have done bad things too? or not necessarily so.

So it gets a little bit fuzzy on these details cause in the wheel in reincarnation is usually like hells, ghosts, animals, humans, Asura, and gods (there are different wheels depending on which mythos you looking at but this is the one I'm the most use to). Animals are considered to be lower than Humans and thus it usually follows that if you die then you should be reborn as another human in the next life and if you did good or bad then you get a good or bad life in the next life to reflect the hard work you did in your last life.

And if you turn into an animal in your next life then it is considered that you didn't have another good karma to be a human. I have heard other ideas that if your life energy is just weakened or that you need to heal then you are also turned into an animal. So I can't say the blanket statement 'only bad people turn into animals' as it could be a lot of different things depending on the mythos. But yes, usually if a human doesn't have enough good karma they turn into an Animal in the next life in the hopes they can gain enough good karma so they can be humans in the next life and retry again in the human game.

In this sense, I can't say that you should think of animals as like 'bad people' cause they have no memories of their past lives in this regard and thus can't be considered the same person. Just that they are a new being that is living out the life that their past life set up. Animals can gain new life energy in their lives and thus being very different from their past life's accumulated life energy.

I have never seen a story personally (that isn't a ghost yao or demated god) where an animal or object remembers their past life and cultivates trying to become human again. Most, if not all Yaogaui, I have read have their own desires and autonomy and wish to be human because that is considered to be a higher domain than animal. I've only seen more modern media where animals kinda remember their past lives and cultivate but I haven't seen this in older mythos.

So that is to say I think that you can consider yaoguai as their own person just like anyone because their past lives ain't who they are in their current life.

However, I have noticed that in most Yaoguai animals that later cultivate to become human, a common goal is that they want to become completely human in their next reincarnations.

Yes, Yaogaui cheats so to speak and that is why they are considered to be abnormal. Animals are meant to live out their lives normally to build up their karma and become human in their next life. Yaogaui however skip this part and instead of building karma they instead cultivate it to get a human life in their current life.

I haven't seen a lot of Yaoguai that talk about their next life as most have the goal to be human in their current life. I would say that if they were thinking about their next life then it would have been smarter for them to stay in their animal form and focus on gaining good karma to be a human in the next life rather than going against the laws of nature and trying to be human in their current life.

At least in the stories I'm more used to it def the case but maybe I just haven't seen a lot of stories where yaoguai have deeper discussions talking about their next lives. I'm seen most trying to cultivate to being full human in their first life and thus trying to get enough qi to perfect their bodies.

[unohanabbygirl]

Back at it again with a giant ask about a FMN and HIPS crossover. Thank you so much for giving me the time of day. Onwards! I’m obsessed with idea of artwork and the way it exists in your reincarnated universe. Is it a slap in the blacks/Osferth’s face that Aemond surrounds himself with depictions of Luke’s assault? It’s so fucked up for Aemond to try to convince Rhaenyra and everyone that he is changing, wants to be better and is good enough to meet Osferth, but then spends hours upon hours surrounded by expressions of the horrific crime that happened? Would you say that the blacks can see right through him and know that while he’s not proud of the assault, he takes narcissistic pleasure in being remembered by history? “Please let Osferth know I called” Aemond says while staring at a romanticized depiction of the assault he committed. Can you imagine Heleana taking the children to visit Aemond at work and they walk down a hallway to his office with all those paintings leading the way? Or if Maelor and the twins learned about him in school and THEN remembered and felt sick knowing he was their uncle but Alicent/Helaena encourages them to give him a chance? Imagine r*pe apologist Alicent trying to keep the truth from them but like the internet exists?? It would be interesting in that scenario that the more Alicent pushes the narrative that Aemond was the victim or Luke was a liar as a way to rally the targtowers, she just ends up isolating herself and Aemond even more? It would be INSANE for Alicent to drag all of them to church including Helaena’s kids only to have the priests start on about how evil Aemond was and the sin he committed against the Mother. So much of FMN is these two groups coming together so it’s fascinated to see the same people again so polarized. Also it would be SO dope to have Daeron and Luke meet first because Daeron wouldn’t recognize him? He remembers Like as children vaguely but had no idea he was this amazing as a teen.

You mentioned that Daella was an omega…since it’s modern times and medicine is so much better can we please have great granny Daella alive and well and she’s one of Luke’s mentors? They don’t even know their connection!

I also have to ask that since it’s an abo verse in the FMN universe, does Luke still go through the trauma you’ve written as his back story? The repeated abuse, Owen’s presence, and his case? I would imagine that with scents—to put it crudely—teachers and government officials in charge of his foster care would be able to smell if he was being abused? Since he’s an omega does he actually end up in a much better situation when placed in foster care bc I would think that special treatment is given to omegas? Honestly I feel like the trauma he’s gone through in FMN plus HIPS is a little TOO angsty. Especially with this last chapter of FMN showing the way repeated assaults have just utterly destroyed his sense of self worth and remembering would just prove to himself that HE’S the problem. To know that this didn’t just happen to him in modern times but also in a previous life seems too much to bear.

In a different line of thought, I know some of us may tend to skip over this when reading because we want the drama, but wealth and class are a huge presence in FMN. Could you expand on what it’s like for the targtowers not to have access to that? I can’t remember if they are using Viserys’ money or if Alicent is also well off. It’s easy to share the wealth when all is forgiven, but in this scenario I don’t see Vizzy giving any money over to them solely because of what Aemond did to Luke. Also…what’s Rhaenys like in this? I remember from the original post of the HIPS drabble that she brings Luke back to KL thinking he is one of Corlys side pieces which kicks off the whole reunion. What’s it like for her to be in the presence of a Luke who doesn’t remember who in the past she unwittingly forced from his sanctuary? I feel like the whole family would be terrified of spending too much time with him because they DON’T want him to remember. Of course some of these questions may be difficult to answer since both stories are unfinished. We don’t yet know a lot of the behavior of the blacks bc unlike in canon, Luke returns to them with Osferth.

Of course! I love this crossover so much and I’d be more than happy if you kept the questions coming so long as you have them ☺️

As for your first question; Aemond knows his obsession with such artwork is more than a bad look for him in this journey to prove he’s a changed man and earn Rhaenyra’s trust in order to actually be allowed contact with Osferth. Because of this he’d more than likely keep his interest a secret for as long as possible despite filling his life with horrid depictions of his worst crime. However, I imagine it would all come out in the open after Egg takes a school trip to the museum Aemond works at and spots him in a trance with a very explicit piece of Luke’s assault. It’s enough to make Egg’s stomach churn as his classmates also express their discomfort with the piece.

Of course the first thing Egg does is text his mom before snapping a picture as evidence since he’s no different from the rest of the blacks in completely being against Aemond having contact with Osferth. And this little infatuation is more than a enough evidence to prove that he doesn’t deserve it. After all, how would Osferth fell knowing his father tries to constantly relive the worst act committed against his muna?

This ends with a “family” meeting consisting of both fractions in order to discuss this new development leading Aemond to have no choice but to reveal his new place of work (though he keeps his true reasons for taking up the curator job rather than his original plan to become an archivist to himself)

The meeting is an absolute mess because both sides have their arguments. With the blacks its “why should we believe he’s a different man when he clearly gets some sort of sick satisfaction from surrounding himself with glorified art of what he did to my son/brother. Do you think Osferth would be happy to know this?” and for the greens its “But you all know Aemond has always expressed interest in uncovering and learning as much as he can in regards to history. Is he supposed to find a new passion just because those artworks happen to he there? There isn’t a single museum in the country that don’t have similar paintings available for viewing.”

The meeting ends without coming to a valid middle ground and on continues the internal fighting among them all. And though both Alicent and Helaena know their argument was bs seeing as Aemond could easily find a position that doesn’t involve surrounding himself with such violent art, they can’t help but be on his side. For Alicent it’s because she truly sees no wrong in her sons actions because “it was Luke’s sinful nature that seduced my son.” While for Hel it’s simply because she feels its her duty to remain at her mother and brothers side. This in turn leads down the path of Maelor and the twins learning what their uncle is remembered for.

This is one thing the greens (except Daeron) have never actually taken into consideration. Hel’s kids aren’t going to remain naïve children forever. They’re growing by the day and the kiddy lenses they view the world through are slipping off with time. I feel that its when the twins reach their 6th grade year that they learn the total extent of Aemond’s actions during a history lesson. They want to learn more which leads them to researching more at a friends house after school. Long story short it leaves them feeling sick with a sense of betrayal towards their family. Their eldest uncle may be less than kind to others but he’s always been good to them. It causes them to look back at their immediate families actions and it makes a lot of sense. Daeron’s constant malice towards Aemond and Alicent, their grandmother’s outdated faith to the old ways of the seven (which I feel would be similar to the old Testament) as well as her constant attempts to shield them from learning about history, I.e. keeping them from viewing any history channels and putting child block on certain sites. Their mother has always seemed uncomfortable with Alicent’s approach at making sure they’re blind to the truth and now they know why.

I don’t think either of the twins would be the type to approach Alicent head on but the shift in energy towards both her and Aemond would make their new knowledge obvious. This in turn leads to an immediate trip to Sunday service the next day to quote “wash away the lies” but it all gets thrown back in her face when the septon begins preaching of “respecting the holy omega” and “all who’ve done wrongs towards embodiment of the mother in any way shall burn”

Its safe to say the trip back home is VERY silent.

Daeron meeting Luke first would be a good choice because he practically has no idea what a young Luke looks like since all memories of his nephew are from when Luke was grown. He’d likely have no idea that Luke Rivers is actually Lucerys and thus form a genuine friendship with this rebellious and carefree omega who’s so different from his high society Peers Alicent encourages him to befriend. I’d even say Luke treats him like a little brother despite being a year younger. For the first time in his life Daeron feels like he’s in good hands, which makes sense once the truth comes out.

I love the idea of great-granny Daella! Maybe she works at a foster center and feels a strong connection with this amazing young man before taking him under her wing. Telling him stories of her youth and giving advice on how to navigate the world while still being true to himself. I feel she’d 100% think of adopting Luke herself after some years go by without this sweet boy finding a forever family but her higher ups tell her it wouldn’t be permitted. I can imagine her going on about Luke to her daughter and granddaughter all the time and it makes Nyra cry because all she can imagine is her own lost son. Maybe it would come to the point where she brings them to meet Luke during one of the centers field day for the younger kids where the older teens help out and bam! Family reunion. Though I think such a revelation would give granny a bit of an anxiety attack 😭

Since Luke has already been through sexual trauma in his past I would completely change his current storyline. As you said, its all way too angsty and feels like putting Luke through abuse for the sake of it which i’m not a fan of. To know he’s been assaulted in both lives would likely send Luke down a path of contemplating hurting himself in a surge of hopelessness. It’s way too cruel for comfort. While this Luke has been in crappy foster homes and even been groped without his permission once or twice, he’s certainly never experienced r*pe or a forced sex act of any kind. Nor has he shot up the heavier drugs such as milk of the poppy.

However the question of if public officials could smell if a child was being hurt in that way is an interesting one because there are so many possibilities that along come with it. People can in fact smell the scent of abusers on children in the system along with their fear which make the chances of creeps trying anything incredibly low but sometimes a r*pist throw caution out of the window during extended holiday breaks in the school year since there’s enough time for the “smell” to wash off naturally along with long forced shower. Scent blockers have the ability to conceal this quite easily but there are many limits such as age and reason. If a child hasn’t presented yet for example.

Getting your hands on these isn’t an easy task; you have to have an actual reason for why you need the blockers, multiple doctor’s visits and received many sign offs as proof to whatever pharmacist that your prescription is valid. Think of it like getting a Percocet prescription. There are so many current barriers in place that even when prescribed by your doctor for a valid reason pharmacist will still turn you away.

Even with these measures put in place there’s always someone things illegally so the possibility of predators abusing this drugs to cover their crimes remains.

If Owen does exist in this au i’d rather have him be the way older boyfriend who sometimes snorts coke and is a bit of a weirdo but overall is harmless loser who works at the local 7/11

What makes this s Luke different is that he’s experienced a much better life due to his status since there are a multitude of precautions in place to make sure such a vulnerable percentage of the population remains safe. All omega homes and government programs keep them together with older omegas to act as a guiding hand. I can also imagine something akin to an omega protection act. Luke’s omega status has saved him from so much trauma in this life, a complete 180 from the past and will overall serve to help give him faith for both his and Osferth’s safety once his memories return.

The question of class and wealth is one I always love answering because there’s so many way’s which their money and connections affect their lives. In the original story Alicent’s money is her own BUT it was Nyra, Daemon and Viserys that got her out of the mud so she could build herself up. Since their relationship is so strained in this AU Alicent would find herself marrying into high class through lies of her true connections to the Lannister’s (not to mention she’s a Tully despite technically being a bastard. But unsurprisingly she doesn’t allow herself to acknowledge it.) Alicent would definitely go about the path of seducing a way older man whose the head of a great house (maybe Baratheon?) and slipping her way into his will before its light’s out. It hurts her mentally in way since she’s basically repeating the past step for step. Yet she’s so used to her past life of absolute luxury that remaining a working class citizen is beneath her in her mind. Because of this Aegon/Hel and Aemond/Daeron would have different fathers which is it’s own can of worms.

Now that I think about it, giving her last two children brown hair and eye’s is a fun idea to play around with. While Aegon and Helaena have traditional Lannister looks from their father it would be a huge hit to Aemond’s self esteem to have “basic” coloring. Not to mention that it would basically make the resemblance between him and Osferth that much more striking…gonna think about this some more. But back to my point—

Alicent still finding a way to slither her way into wealth is a hit to the Rhaenyra big time. It just goes to show that she’ll never truly escape Alicent’s nasty ways. The upperclass are in such a tight-nit circles therefore they’re all forced to interact and play nice to keep up a good image for both their peers and the public. I can imagine that once some years pass and everyone comes together that gala’s, banquet’s, and all that jazz are so tense. Especially when its the kids who are forced to interact at nice events that are full of pressure to lay on the nice-nice act thick.

As for Rhaenys, her hope to make up her mistakes to Luke is even stronger in this crossover because if it hadn’t been for her, Luke and Osferth would’ve remained happy and carefree in their peaceful lives. Luke wouldn’t have been forced to deal with the judgment of the entire realm on his back and Osferth would never be exposed to such nastiness that comes with royalty and nobility. All the boy has ever known is pure love so the switch to being looked at as dirt beneath people’s shoes is so much to handle. And though Rhaenys never intended for her actions to destroy their little slice of heaven its still an action that changed their lives drastically. Rhaenys would definitely find herself trapped in a constant battle between wanting Luke to remember so she can express her regret and attempt to make it up, and wanting him to remain oblivious so he doesn’t have to deal with trauma from his past.

But in all of this it’s truly Osferth who lost the most from Luke being separated from the rest. While he has a solid incredibly loving family, who he truly needs is his mother. For so long they were all one another had. True soulmates in every way. It’s heartbreaking because he’s the one who has to deal with the history lessons in school, the disgusting art and public opinions when it comes to his mom who never wanted more than to live in peace.

[bubblegum-blackwood]

VC self-rec Sunday

Thanks @desertfangs for tagging me!

I'm going to share Oceans of Time, a scenario in which Claudia succeeded in killing Lestat, but then he gets reincarnated as a young boy named Raglan James whom Louis encounters in modern-day San Francisco; they fall in love a second time, and Marius makes this new-and-improved Lestat into a vampire.

I can't remember exactly how this idea came to me, but it likely stemmed from playing with vampiric reincarnation in one of my original works. I think one part of this fic I really liked in terms of the writing itself is the way I described Louis's almost palpable loneliness and despair after his breakup with Armand (I'm a sucker for some indulgent figurative language okay it's the English major in me). I also love just the fact that in a situation such as this, Louis got a second chance! And this time, Lestat is free of any baggage that would have made their relationship more difficult, he gets to be a happy young man in love with Louis. But my favourite part has to be after Lestat becomes a vampire in chapter three, when Louis gets to get some loving, teasing payback at Lestat for kinda being an asshole when Louis was a fledgling. I make myself laugh too much 😅

Thanks for the tag again! And if anyone wants to do this, consider yourself tagged bitches

[tillman]

A lot of thoughts about how galehaut could never recognize lancelot after like. U know. Everything happens. Hes just a completely different person in every way but I dont think that would matter too much. Tbh. Because lancelot even at the end of everything is just kind of a sad man who has never been treated like a person ever since he was younger and galehaut is galehaut and wouldnt care if he had killed him in a more personal hands on manner lol. Which makes me normal. But whatever

[rarepears]

Shen Yuan X OG!Shang Qinghua except OG!Shang Qinghua is also Airplane

OKAY I HAVE A WACK CUMPLANE IDEA!

Hear me out:

Shen Yuan transmigrates into PIDW as Shen Qingqiu. He's not sure when, why or how, but somehow he ends up falling in love with OG!Shang Qinghua. (Maybe it's seeing just how competent Shang Qinghua is? And how hard-working and self-deprecating he is while simultaneously being a genius - because Shang Qinghua is indeed brilliant, just less obviously a genius compared to the flashy Liu Qingge or loud Qi Qingqi - and shit, Shen Yuan never realized that logistics was so freaking complicated? Anyways, so OG!Shang Qinghua's personality all appeals to his basic millennial humor, sue him. Even the whole being a two-faced spy working for personal gain like an instagrammer, unfortunately.) So... Shen Yuan, as Shen Qingqiu, might have... gotten married to Shang Qinghua. And uh, all that wedding wine actually got him drunk for the first time in his two lives. He... might have accidentally let slipped to OG!Shang Qinghua about the whole PIDW plot situation. Er... that's awkward. BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO HAVE CHANGED. For better or for worse. And by which he means that he gets the stick ending. GEEZE THANKS. If only he had something like...a system! Yes! A system to guide him out of this bad ending. Or so Shen Yuan thinks as he dies in Luo Binghe's dungeon. He can't wait to be reunited with his husband in the next life.

OG!Shang Qinghua gets reborn to an interesting new world. For whatever reason, Meng Po ran out of soup, so while he grows up in this so called "Modern China", he still retains all his memories of being the An Ding Peak Lord, of knowing that his husband, a "transmigrator" as his husband called it, was unable to change the fate of his body, of being murdered by the demon he was forced to spy for... But no matter. He has a new life and a new fate. Shang Qinghua tries to move on... And finds that he can't. Because on Forbes, he sees the Shen Family displayed on the front cover and recalling everything that his husband whispered to him at night about his old family... he has a faint hope that Shen Yuan is also here in this world, that this is the world where Shen Yuan comes from. But here, he's merely an orphan. He cannot compare to the rich Shen Family and make contact with his beloved. So he plots. And comes to the ridiculous idea to write out the story that Shen Yuan told him about, of how their life was supposed to go on Cang Qiong if Shen Yuan hadn't transmigrated. Shang Qinghua tries to write the original PIDW.

(Third life: Shang Qinghua wakes up with a start and horror. He's on his third life now and still with memories of his first and second life. Yet?? Who?? Is?? This?? System?? Plus why is he back in run down house that he remembers growing up in his first life? OG!Shang Qinghua discovers that he's returned to his first life with what seems like the chance of a do-over, assuming he can figure out how to work around the system now policing his every move.) (Shen Yuan wakes up with a curse on his lips. He sees two strangers in his room - a foreign place that belongs on a historical drama set, not a place where he, a patient, should be recuperating in. Fucking Airplane's latest chapter of PIDW made him so mad- And then he learns that he's transmigrated into the scum villain. All thoughts about cursing out Airplane fades to the back of his head as he tries to take stock of the situation and his system.)

TLDR: OG!Shang Qinghua reincarnates to modern China, dons on the Airplane persona to write as PIDW as closely as he could remember to what Shen Yuan (his hubby in his first life and a transmigrator) told him.

And then he finds himself back in his first life but saddled with a system.

Shen Yuan, on the other hand, does not recall any of his memories of his married life with OG!Shang Qinghua. He's more or less stuck in the same loop of events, living in Modern China and reading PIDW and then transmigrating into PIDW itself. Only Shang Qinghua can break the cycle.

[goldensunset]

even if subject x is skuld and she’s alive and well, for the first time in the series we may truly be faced with the situation that a once-steady group of friends can never be reunited again. (destiny trio found each other, days crew were revived via friendship and strange magic, wayfinders got into this mess via really bad luck and really bad timing and they got out of it via really good luck and really good timing, etc.)

but ephemer is without a doubt dead. it’s been several lifetimes. unless they use time travel or reincarnation or heart vessel-hopping or a magic way to prevent people from aging (like he was in the realm of darkness) to bring him back. i wouldn’t put it past them to do that in the name of disney happy endings. but i honestly think it’d be better writing to just let him rest in peace and let us deal with the residual sadness.

same as above goes for brain. even if ephemer was actually the ancestor of eraqus and eraqus was already born by the time brain arrived into scala in the future, brain would be a very old man by now. over the course of the like 16ish years of the modern story (starting with xehanort (who was already old and knew his body wasn’t long for this earth) messing with ventus), he probably would’ve died quietly in the background sometime by now. again, unless they pull some shenanigans, he’s dead.

player-xehanort is dead. what a shame that skuld just missed him. actually, i think she’d be fine with not seeing the guy who experimented on her in a prison cell again. but she didn’t even know that was her friend and that kills me. none of them will ever get closure for player, ever, because we know that he’s been melded into a new heart. which fell to darkness. and also died. unless they decide to say that his heart and xehanort’s already-existing heart just merged into one and can then be separated again. but i doubt they’re giving us that route, honestly.

but ventus is still around and lauriam and elrena seem to be back! and who knows what happened to strelitzia(‘s data), the true dandelion of the future! but they’re not the same people with the same memories and lives anymore. i mean, they could come to remember, but like…

the khux group is kind of shambles. they’ll probably never all be reunited again. the best we could get is skuld, lauriam, elrena, strelitzia, and ventus. and maybe some ghost moments like with eraqus at the end of kh3. but if they did remember their old lives they probably couldn’t just go back to the way things were.

i love happy endings, but the most well-written resolution to a story is not always the happiest one. i want the survivors to meet up and recognize each other and shed a few tears for having found each other again, but ultimately i want kh to just let us work through the grief of some of our friends being truly gone, because not every problem can be solved. but we learn to live on.

tl:dr i don’t think we can rewind resurrect retcon our way out of this one boys

[veliseraptor]

since xue yang pretending to be someone else/hiding his identity is such a big part of his relationship w xingchen, how do you think it would translate in modern au? if it's reincarnation!au would he pretend to have no memories of his past life or somehow manipulate xingchen into believing he's not actually xue yang's reincarnation (considering they won't necessarily have the same names)?

I actually disagree, I think! Well, in some ways - mostly in that I don't think that Xue Yang hiding his identity is a necessary part of his relationship with Xiao Xingchen. It's important in canon because of the particular arc their story takes there, but I don't think it needs to be retained in any and all AU versions of their story. In fact, I actually tend to...chafe when I feel like a modern AU, for instance, is trying too hard to exactly replicate the circumstances of the canon setting/find equivalencies for everything, because I think it...overlooks the ways in which, culturally if nothing else, the fundamental background of a modern world is going to alter the way characters interact with others and themselves.

(I've gone on record about how I see this applying specifically with Xue Yang, because I've thought about that one the most, and how I think a modern Xue Yang has...more complexes than the canon one about the way his brain works.)

So that being said - I think it really depends on how it's set up. I think it is likely, in a modern AU iteration that isn't a reincarnation AU, that Xue Yang would still be keeping secrets from Xiao Xingchen - but less fundamentally about who he is in terms of name/singular identity than...who he is when he's not polishing off some of the rough edges, as it were, in order to not scare Xiao Xingchen off. Which...I guess ymmv about that being manipulative, I have my own opinions about that but that's not the topic of this already lengthy response.

I'm actually presently writing a reincarnation AU where neither Xue Yang nor Xiao Xingchen is aware that that's what's happening, and in that situation that's pretty much what it is - there's a lot that Xue Yang is keeping back from Xiao Xingchen, but none of it has to do with a prior personal connection that's being held back.

(Side note that while I know it's not 'realistic' I tend to retain names even in reincarnation AUs primarily for ease of recognition and reader familiarity. I can come up with meta explanation/rationale for this but mostly I just don't go into it in the time honored tradition of just saying "/handwave go with it.")

In an AU where Xue Yang does remember...my read here depends on whether that memory is extant before or after he and Xiao Xingchen interact and/or form a relationship. Because if it's the former, I actually think he's fairly likely to avoid Xiao Xingchen entirely as much as possible, because that is a lot of very scary baggage, emotionally, that I think Xue Yang would look at and go "don't like that! not dealing with that!" and hightail it in the other direction. (not necessarily out of. like. guilt or moral compunction, to be clear; a lot of it is just that's a Lot and more than he would like to tackle if he doesn't have to.

If it's the latter I think he'd try as hard as possible for as long as possible to pretend that he doesn't remember anything, but I don't think that'd be a move born out of trying to trick Xiao Xingchen so much as a move born out of just...again, not wanting to engage with that because! it's a lot! not something he would like to get into thank you very much.

And why should he have to! It happened, it's over, now everybody just move on already! It's fine! Kick the past trauma under the carpet like he does, it'll work great.

Two things that I take into consideration here, specifically in the context of a reincarnation AU:

At the end of his life in canon, Xue Yang is not...in a good place. He's pretty fucked up! Everything has gone awfully and not the way he wanted. By the time he actually dies, he's lost everything, both literally (he doesn't have his Xiao Xingchen mementos to hang onto) and figuratively (the hope of getting Xiao Xingchen back). There's just nothing left. I've written before, I think, about how in CQL Song Lan killing Xue Yang is almost a mercy, because he's really just...done. So in a reincarnation AU where he has full memory of his past life, the arc there is just straight up, for him, of misery and failure. However little he might care about the feelings of other people involved, I just do not think he would be inclined to go for that again, at least not in the same way.

Secondly: Xue Yang's original lie to Xiao Xingchen wasn't...just out of a malicious desire to trick him so he could fuck with him. I mean, is that an amazing side effect that he takes advantage of? Absolutely. But, at base, Xue Yang doesn't tell Xiao Xingchen who he is to begin with because it would be dangerous for him to do so. He believes, and for fairly good reason, that Xiao Xingchen knowing who he is would mean Xiao Xingchen killing him very dead, and that's obviously not an ideal outcome for Xue Yangs. So if that's not a factor...that's going to change at least a substantial portion of the calculus for what Xue Yang does and doesn't tell Xiao Xingchen about himself.

[samwisethewitch]

Pagan Paths: Wicca

Wicca is the big granddaddy of neopagan religions. Most people who are familiar with modern paganism are specifically familiar with Wicca, and will probably assume that you are Wiccan if you tell them you identify as pagan. Thanks to pop culture and a handful of influential authors, Wicca has become the public face of modern paganism, for better or for worse.

Wicca is also one of the most accessible pagan religions, which is why I chose to begin our exploration of individual paths here. Known for its flexibility and openness, Wicca is about as beginner-friendly as it gets. While it definitely isn’t for everyone, it can be an excellent place to begin your pagan journey if you resonate with core Wiccan beliefs.

This post is not meant to be a complete introduction to Wicca. Instead, my goal here is to give you a taste of what Wiccans believe and do, so you can decide for yourself if further research would be worth your time. In that spirit, I provide book recommendations at the end of this post.

History and Background

Wicca was founded by Gerald Gardner, a British civil servant who developed an interest in the esoteric while living and working in Asia. Gardner claimed that, after returning to England, he was initiated into a coven of witches who taught him their craft. Eventually, he would leave this coven and start his own, at which point he began the work of bringing Wicca to the general public. In 1954, Garner published his book Witchcraft Today, which would have a great impact on the formation of Wicca, as would his 1959 book The Meaning of Witchcraft.

Gardner claimed that the rituals and teachings he received from his coven were incomplete — he attempted to fill in the gaps, which resulted in the creation of Wicca. Author Thea Sabin calls Wicca “a New Old Religion,” which is a good way to think about it. When Gardner wrote the first Wiccan Book of Shadows, he combined ancient and medieval folk practices from the British Isles with ceremonial magic dating back to the Renaissance and with Victorian occultism. These influences combined to create a thoroughly modern religion.

Wicca spread to the United States in the 1960s, at which time several new and completely American traditions were born. Some of these traditions are simply variations on Wicca, while others (like Feri and Reclaiming, which we’ll discuss in future posts) became unique, full-fledged spiritual systems in their own right. In America, Wicca collided with the counter-culture movement, and several activist groups began to combine the two. Wicca has continued to evolve through the decades, and is still changing and growing today.

There are two main “types” of Wicca which take very different approaches to the same deities and core concepts.

Traditional Wicca is Wicca that looks more or less like the practices of Gerald Gardner, Doreen Valiente, Alex Sanders, and other early Wiccan pioneers. Traditional Wiccans practice in ritual groups called covens. Rituals are typically highly formal and borrow heavily from ceremonial magic. Traditional Wicca is an initiatory tradition, which means that new members must be trained and formally inducted into the coven by existing members. This means that if you are interested in Traditional Wicca, you must find a coven or a mentor to train and initiate you. However, most covens do not place any limitations on who can join and be initiated, aside from being willing to learn.

Most Traditional Wiccan covens require initiates to swear an oath of secrecy, which keeps the coven’s central practices from being revealed to outsiders. However, there are traditional Wiccans who have gone public with their practice, such as the authors Janet and Stewart Farrar.

Eclectic Wicca is a solitary, non-initiatory form of Wicca, as made popular by author Scott Cunningham in his book Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner. Eclectic Wiccans are self-initiated and may practice alone or with a coven, though coven work will likely be less central in their practice. There are very few rules in Eclectic Wicca, and Wiccans who follow this path often incorporate elements from other spiritual traditions, such as historical pagan religions or modern energy healing. Because of this, there are a wide range of practices that fall under the “Eclectic Wicca” umbrella. Really, this label refers to anyone who considers themselves Wiccan, follows the Wiccan Rede (see below), and does not belong to a Traditional Wiccan coven. The majority of people who self-identify as Wiccan fall into this group.

Core Beliefs and Values

Thea Sabin says in her book Wicca For Beginners that Wicca is a religion with a lot of theology (study and discussion of the nature of the divine) and no dogma (rules imposed by religious structures). As a religion, it offers a lot of room for independence and exploration. This can be incredibly empowering to Wiccans, but it does mean that it’s kind of hard to make a list of things all Wiccans believe or do. However, we can look at some basic concepts that show up in some form in most Wiccan practices.

Virtually all Wiccans live by the Wiccan Rede. This moral statement, originally coined by Doreen Valiente, is often summarized with the phrase, “An’ it harm none, do what ye will.”

Different Wiccans interpret the Rede in slightly different ways. Most can agree on the “harm none” part. Wiccans strive not to cause unnecessary harm or discomfort to any living thing, including themselves. Some Wiccans also interpet the word “will” to be connected to our spiritual drive, the part of us that is constantly reaching for our higher purpose. When interpreted this way, the Rede not only encourages us not to cause harm, but also to live in alignment with our own divine Will.

Wiccans experience the divine as polarity. Wiccans believe that the all-encompassing divinity splits itself (or humans split it into) smaller aspects that we can relate to. The first division of deity is into complimentary opposites: positive and negative, light and dark, life and death, etc. These forces are not antagonistic, but are two halves of a harmonious whole. In Wicca, this polarity is usually embodied by the pairing of the God and Goddess (see below).

Wiccans experience the divine as immanent in daily life. In the words of author Deborah Lipp, “the sacredness of the human being is essential to Wicca.” Wiccans see the divine present in all people and all things. The idea that sacred energy infuses everything in existence is a fundamental part of the Wiccan worldview.

Wiccans believe nature is sacred. In the Wiccan worldview, the earth is a physical manifestation of the divine, particularly the Goddess. By attuning with nature and living in harmony with its cycles, Wiccans attune themselves with the divine. This means that taking care of nature is an important spiritual task for many Wiccans.

Wiccans accept that magic is real and can be used as a ritual tool. Not all Wiccans do magic, but all Wiccans accept that magic exists. For many covens and solitary practitioners, magic is an essential part of religious ritual. For others, magic is a practice that can be used not only to connect with the gods, but also to improve our lives and achieve our goals.

Many Wiccans believe in reincarnation, and some may incorporate past life recall into their spiritual practice. Some Wiccans believe that our souls are made of cosmic energy, which is recycled into a new soul after our deaths. Others believe that our soul survives intact from one lifetime to the next. Many famous Wiccan authors have written about their past lives and how reconnecting with those lives informed their practice.

Important Deities and Spirits

The central deities of Wicca are the Goddess and the God. They are two halves of a greater whole, and are only two of countless possible manifestations of the all-encompassing divine. The God and Goddess are lovers, and all things are born from their union.

Though some Wiccan traditions place a greater emphasis on the Goddess than on the God, the balance between these two expressions of the divine plays an important role in all Wiccan practices (remember, polarity is one of the core values of this religion).

The Goddess is the Divine Mother. She is the source of all life and fertility. She gives birth to all things, yet she is also the one who receives us when we die. Although she forms a duality in her relationship with the God, she also contains the duality of life and death within herself. While the God’s nature is ever-changing, the Goddess is constant and eternal.

The Goddess is strongly associated with both the moon and the earth. As the Earth Mother, she is especially associated with fertility, abundance, and nurturing. As the Moon Goddess, she is associated with wisdom, secret knowledge, and the cycle of life and death.

Some Wiccans see the goddess as having three main aspects: the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone. The Maiden is associated with youth, innocence, and new beginnings; she is the embodiment of both the springtime and the waxing moon. The Mother is associated with parenthood and birth (duh), abundance, and fertility; she is the embodiment of the summer (and sometimes fall) and of the full moon. The Crone is associated with death, endings, and wisdom; she is the embodiment of winter and of the waning moon. Some Wiccans believe this Triple Goddess model is an oversimplification, or complain that it is based on outdated views on womanhood, but for others it is the backbone of their practice.

Symbols that are traditionally used to represent the Goddess include a crescent moon or an image of the triple moon (a full moon situated between a waxing and a waning crescent), a cup or chalice, a cauldron, the color silver, and fresh flowers.

The God is the Goddess’s son, lover, and consort. He is equal parts wise and feral, gentle and fierce. He is associated with sex and by extension with potential (it could be said that while the Goddess rules birth, the God rules conception), as well as with the abundance of the harvest. He is the spark of life, which is shaped by the Goddess into all that is.

The God is strongly associated with animals, and he is often depicted with horns to show his association with all things wild. As the Horned God he is especially wild and fierce.

The God is also strongly associated with the sun. As a solar god he is associated with the agricultural year, from the planting and germination to the harvest. While the Goddess is constant, the God’s nature changes with the seasons.

In some Wiccan traditions, the God is associated with plant growth. He may be honored as the Green Man, a being which represents the growth of spring and summer. This vegetation deity walks the forests and fields, with vines and leaves sprouting from his body.

Symbols that are traditionally used to represent the God include phalluses and phallic objects, knives and swords, the color gold, horns and antlers, and ripened grain.

Many covens, both Traditional and Eclectic, have their own unique lore around the God and the Goddess. Usually, this lore is oathbound, meaning it cannot be shared with those outside the group.

Many Wiccans worship other deities besides the God and Goddess. These deities may come from historical pantheons, such as the Greek or Irish pantheon. A Wiccan may work with the God and Goddess with their coven or on special holy days (see below), but work with other deities that are more closely connected to their life and experiences on a daily basis. Wiccans view all deities from all religions and cultures as extensions of the same all-encompassing divine force.

Wiccan Practice

Most Wiccans use the circle as the basis for their rituals. This ritual structure forms a liminal space between the physical and spiritual worlds, and the Wiccan who created the circle can choose what beings or energies are allowed to enter it. The circle also serves the purpose of keeping the energy raised in ritual contained until the Wiccan is ready to release it. Casting a circle is fairly easy and can be done by anyone — simply walk in a clockwise circle around your ritual space, laying down an energetic barrier. Some Wiccans use the circle in every magical or spiritual working, while others only use it when honoring the gods or performing sacred rites.

While it is on one level a practical ritual tool, the circle is also a representation of the Wiccan worldview. Circles are typically cast by calling the four quarters (the four compass points of the cardinal directions), which are associated with the four classical elements: water, earth, fire, and air. Some (but not all) Wiccans also work with a fifth element, called spirit or aether. The combined presence of the elements makes the circle a microcosm of the universe.

Casting a circle requires the Wiccan to attune themselves to these elements and to honor them in a ritual setting. This is referred to as calling the quarters. When a Wiccan calls the quarters, they will move from one cardinal point to the next (usually starting with east or north), greet the spirits associated with that direction/element, and invite them to participate in the ritual. (If spirit/aether is being called, the direction it is associated with is directly up, towards the heavens.) This is done after casting the circle, but before beginning the ritual.

What happens within a Wiccan ritual varies a lot — it depends on the Wiccan, their preferences, and their goals for that ritual. However, nearly all Wiccan religious rites begin with the casting of the circle and calling of the quarters. (Some would argue that a ritual that doesn’t include these elements cannot be called Wiccan.)

When the ritual is completed, the quarters must be dismissed and the circle taken down. Wiccans typically dismiss the quarters by moving from one cardinal point to the next (often in the reverse of the order used to call the quarters), thanking the spirits of that quarter, and politely letting them know that the ritual is over. The circle is taken down (or “taken up,” as it is called in some traditions) in a similar way, with the person who cast the circle moving around it counterclockwise and removing the energetic barrier they created. This effectively ends the ritual.

There are eight main holy days in Wicca, called the sabbats. These celebrations, based on Germanic and Celtic pagan festivals, mark the turning points on the Wheel of the Year, i.e., the cycle of the seasons. By honoring the sabbats, Wiccans attune themselves with the natural rhythms of the earth and actively participate in the turning of the wheel.

The sabbats include:

Samhain (October 31): Considered by many to be the “witch’s new year,” this Celtic fire festival has historic ties to Halloween. Samhain is primarily dedicated to the dead. During this time of year, the otherworld is close at hand, and Wiccans can easily connect with their loved ones who have passed on. Wiccans might celebrate Samhain by building an ancestor altar or holding a feast with an extra plate for the dead. Samhain is the third of the three Wiccan harvest festivals, and it is a joyous occasion despite its association with death. (By the way, this sabbat’s name is pronounced “SOW-en,” not “Sam-HANE” as it appears in many movies and TV shows.)

Yule/Winter Solstice (December 21): Yule is a celebration of the return of light and life on the longest night of the year. Many Wiccans recognize Yule as the symbolic rebirth of the God, heralding the new plant and animal life soon to follow. Yule celebrations are based on Germanic traditions and have a lot in common with modern Christmas celebrations. Wiccans might celebrate Yule by decorating a Yule tree, lighting lots of candles or a Yule log, or exchanging gifts.

Imbolc (February 1): This sabbat, based on an Irish festival, is a celebration of the first stirrings of life beneath the blanket of winter. The spark of light that returned to the world at Yule is beginning to grow. Imcolc is a fire festival, and is often celebrated with the lighting of candles and lanterns. Wiccans may also perform ritual cleansings at this time of year, as purification is another theme of this festival.

Ostara/Spring Equinox (March 21): Ostara is a joyful celebration of the new life of spring, with ties to the Christian celebration of Easter. Plants are beginning to bloom, baby animals are being born, and the God is growing in power. Wiccans might celebrate Ostara by dying eggs or decorating their homes and altars with fresh flowers. In some covens, Ostara celebrations have a special focus on children, and so may be less solemn than other sabbats.

Beltane (May 1): Beltane is a fertility festival, pure and simple. Many Wiccans celebrate the sexual union of the God and Goddess, and the resulting abundance, at this sabbat. This is also one of the Celtic fire festivals, and is often celebrated with bonfires if the weather permits. The fae are said to be especially active at Beltane. Wiccans might celebrate Beltane by making and dancing around a Maypole, honoring the fae, or celebrating a night of R-rated fun with friends and lovers.

Litha/Midsummer/Summer Solstice (June 21): At the Summer Solstice, the God is at the height of his power and the Goddess is said to be pregnant with the harvest. Like Beltane, Midsummer is sometimes celebrated with bonfires and is said to be a time when the fae are especially active. Many Wiccans celebrate Litha as a solar festival, with a special focus on the God as the Sun.

Lughnasadh/Lammas (August 1): Lughnasadh (pronounced “loo-NAW-suh”) is an Irish harvest festival, named after the god Lugh. In Wicca, Lughnasadh/Lammas is a time to give thanks for the bounty of the earth. Lammas comes from “loaf mass,” and hints at this festival’s association with grain and bread. Wiccans might celebrate Lughnasadh by baking bread or by playing games or competitive sports (activities associated with Lugh).

Mabon/Fall Equinox (September 21): Mabon is the second Wiccan harvest festival, sometimes called “Wiccan Thanksgiving,” which should give you a good idea of what Mabon celebrations look like. This is a celebration of the abundance of the harvest, but tinged with the knowledge that winter is coming. Some Wiccans honor the symbolic death of the God at Mabon (others believe this takes place at Samhain or Lughnasadh). Wiccan Mabon celebrations often include a lot of food, and have a focus on giving thanks for the previous year.

Aside from the sabbats, some Wiccans also celebrate esbats, rituals honoring the full moons. Wiccan authors Janet and Stewart Farrar wrote that, while sabbats are public festivals to be celebrated with the coven, esbats are more private and personal. Because of this, esbat celebrations are typically solitary and vary a lot from one Wiccan to the next.

Further Reading

If you want to investigate Wicca further, there are a few books I recommend depending on which approach to Wicca you feel most drawn to. No matter which approach you are most attracted to, I recommend starting with Wicca For Beginners by Thea Sabin. This is an excellent introduction to Wiccan theology and practice, whether you want to practice alone or with a coven.

If you are interested in Traditional Wicca, I recommend checking out A Witches’ Bible by Janet and Stewart Farrar after you finish Sabin’s book. Full disclosure: I have a lot of issues with this book. Parts of it were written as far back as the 1970s, and it really hasn’t aged well in terms of politics or social issues. However, it is the most detailed guide to Traditional Wicca I have found, so I recommend it for that reason. Afterwards, I recommend reading Casting a Queer Circle by Thista Minai, which presents a system similar to Traditional Wicca with less emphasis on binary gender. After you learn the basics from the Farrars, Minai’s book can help you figure out how to adjust the Traditional Wiccan system to work for you.

If you are interested in Eclectic Wicca, I recommend Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner and Living Wicca by Scott Cunningham. Cunningham is the author who popularized Eclectic Wicca, and his work remains some of the best on the subject. Wicca is an introduction to solitary Eclectic Wicca, while Living Wicca is a guide for creating your own personalized Wiccan practice.

Resources:

Wicca For Beginners by Thea Sabin

Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham

Living Wicca by Scott Cunningham

A Witches’ Bible by Janet and Stewart Farrar

The Study of Witchcraft by Deborah Lipp

[fallinfl0wers]

hiiiiii! how about xiao with number 1? romantic + reincarnation au (if possible cuz i think it would rly fit):D + f!reader:>>

1. “Long for love even if it hurts every time.” Lovesick Girls - BLACKPINK from the lyric prompt list! thank you for your request! today is another sad xiao day i see. that being said, i'll give him happiness today as well! c: this could be taken as a... happier version of that one xiao scenario i wrote the other day, since i'm using the modernized teyvat as well! it would be,, helpful? if you read that one because of how i described the world to be then, but it isn't actually necessary to understand this scenario! (should i write hcs about how i imagine the modern!teyvat? hmm...) warnings: female reader, death mentions, reincarnation au, modern!teyvat, hurt/comfort. word count: 1097

Xiao got to know the feeling of love because of you, in a very slow process of social interaction and learning.

Even though you're the only lover he has ever had, throughout your relationship he learned something: if he fell in love, he would deeply and hard, so hard it would hurt him at first, and he would only keep falling more deeply every time.

Not that he could love anyone else but you.

He cradles your body that keeps getting colder each passing second, knowing you won't make it through after the wound a now destroyed ruin guard inflicted upon you. Your blood stains his clothes, while he holds you closer to himself, his eyes watering while he tries to reassure both you and himself that everything is going to be alright.

"I love you. I love you."

That was about all you could say to each other, clinging to your shortening time together.

The only reason why he wasn't breaking down when your life faded away was because you were already too afraid that he just had to be the strong one in this situation even though it was tearing him apart and crushing his heart without mercy.

He wanted your last moments of this world to be peaceful, at the very least.

Once your heartbeat comes to a halt, he cries and laments into your shoulder, holding your body close to his, as if wanting to give his life to you, as if wanting to remember and grave into his mind how your warm touches felt against his skin, how your voice sounded like in your happier moments and not how scared and pained it sounded when you were about to die--

All because he didn't want you to fade into nothingness with time.

And he... succeded.

The ages passed, civilizations fell and rose, humanity progressed past the need of visions to protect themselves and improve their quality of life, and through all those passing times, everything and everyone he got accustomed to see when you were with him started to fade away.

But your memory remained.

Your memory remained and he found himself hurting and longing for those sweet times you spent together, longing for your love and compassion even though he knew you could no longer provide it.

He had a hard time, as liyuen society started to set up bigger towns and cities throughout the land, keeping colaterall damage to a minimum whenever he had to vanquish the remnants of demons that kept rousing whenever they pleased.

It was especially hard, and especially stressful during the lantern rite, which had become a more world-wide known celebration, each year there was just more and more and more people around every single day of the festival.

As beautiful as the lanterns floating in the sky always were, he hated how it became harder to fulfill his duty during those days because there would always be some careless mortal with his flat-box-thingy (cell-phones, they said?) trying to take pictures in the worst possible places imaginable-- it made him wonder for a second how even humanity managed to survive this long.

Then he remembered he was there to witness how they did it, and sighed.

He had just scared off some of those kind of mortals mere moments ago without showing himself (their flat boxes proved to be quite annoying when they would hold them against him), and purged an evil spirit with no problem. The lantern rite was always like this.

He sensed a presence coming closer and soon after he heard a branch snapping, he turned around, mask over his face and spear on hand. Before he could attack, he stopped and stared wide eyed at the woman holding her cellphone to light her steps.

Her eyes, eyebrows, lips, nose, hair, figure were just like yours and- and- and- and-

"...Xiao?" it was your voice.

His spear fell to the ground.

"Is that you, Xiao?" You stepped closer to him, saving your phone in your pocket. He took a step back.

"Say your name." He demanded in a hushed voice.

It couldn't be.

You couldn't be alive.

He saw how you died.

He buried you.

You couldn't be real.

You just couldn't.

And then, you spoke your name. The name he called you by, the name no mortal alive would know. A name out of thousands upon thousands of names that couldn't have been a coincidence.

When he sees your kind smile and tears falling from your eyes- your beautiful eyes he loved and missed so much, he started crying too, hiding behind his mask.

He shook his head from side to side and cried, while you slowly got closer to him, your hands, as delicate and soft as he remembered, carefully reaching up to take his mask off.

And when your eyes finally meet, after he spent centuries trying to picture what they looked like in his mind, he broke down without a care in the world. Your eyes were much more beautiful than he could remember. You were so, so much better right here, in front of him, than just as a memory he tried so hard to keep intact.

You take the initiative, and hug him through your own fit of tears. He buries his head on the crook of your neck and holds you tightly against him, trying to make sure you're real and not going to disappear and slip through his fingers again, all the while you whisper reassurances that you're real and alive and aren't going to leave him alone.

"I'm glad... I'm glad I've finally found you." You whisper between whimpers, running a hand through his hair and just... losing yourself in the sensation of being close to him again.

And Xiao, greedily, selfishly, wants to cling to this moment, wants to cling to your love and affection like he did back then in days long gone. He holds you and knows you're real and won't fade away just yet, and he knows by your mere scent that you're still as mortal and fragile as the first time, he knows he will lose you again, no matter what, once your time comes sooner or later.

And that hurts.

But he wants this, he wants you.

And if he can keep you close like this again, if he can bask in your warm love and kindness one more time, he will gladly take the pain it comes with.

He will do whatever it takes just so he can be with you like this, just a bit longer.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

What’s your opinion for Leo’s reaction to finding out the mc was immortal as well- not necessarily a vampire, maybe they’re some other type of supernatural. I’m really curious because Leo seems like he’s mainly in love with the mc bec they are human.

Hi lovely!!! Always wonderful to see you, hope you’re well! 💛💛💛💛💛

Tbh I think my opinion remains the same about something like this? I'm going to link to an ask I wrote up a while ago, only because it's v pertinent to the subject matter and good background for what I’m going to expand on here.

That being said, I'm happy to kind of tl;dr/expand on what I talked about there. Basically I had the feeling that Leonardo choosing MC as a lover was more circumstantial--regarding the state of his life in the moment, regarding his general feelings about vampires and vampire society, and regarding his unresolved trauma as a young kid.

I guess my answer to that question--and forgive me if it seems like a cop out--is that it really depends, I feel? I think his attraction has a lot more to do with the kind of person somebody is, their sensibility, more than it has to do with mortal vs immortal. If it was an immortal MC that showed ridiculous fortitude and self-control, measured patience and maturity, I really don’t see him not noticing that? I think he would be wary at first (assuming it’s all a front) but with time would likely feel a great deal of love if they were interested in a life together. If they were able to see and understand what he needs and answered those needs, I guess I just really doubt his ability to say no. It’s all he’s really looking for, and the fact that he hasn’t found it after so long really speaks to his frightened evasiveness and the rare nature of that kind of unshakeable strength.

I also think a lot of his hinging away from purebloods (true immortals, in other words) is that he 100% does not want his familia having any involvement in his meaningful relationships. Which might be why he shows more acceptance towards turned vampires, or potentially different supernatural beings.

But I also don’t like giving a vague answer without some kind of explanation as to how I got, to that conclusion, so a boatload of analysis follows below the content warning.

Spoilers for Leonardo’s route and a few mentions of JPN ver content:

I think he has less of an obsession with the idea of mortality, and more like a constant association of goodness and freedom and maturity with humanity. And while it's understandable, there are signs that--when he has the proper time and space to heal--his views seem to soften from those extremes. I mean his decision to live with Comte is pretty much his first step in that direction; it was him acknowledging for the first time that vampires aren't inherently loathsome or incapable of normal living. (On a revealing note, I think it says a lot that he agrees with MC that she is living in a “wolves’ den” but also feels the need to clarify the men are basically the domesticated equivalent. They don’t pose the same threat other vampires typically do to humans because of their lifestyle and sire.) Additionally, his tsun-like behavior towards Comte also seems to solidify this concept for me: Leonardo’s trying to come to terms with something he's sworn to reject since he was young, but also can't entirely deny that Comte is as chill and mature as purebloods come lmao

[There was also an event in the JPN ver–which seems to be approaching the ENG version rapidly, though only the first part is here right now–in which Leonardo fully offers to turn her. MC is essentially on her death bed, and Leonardo doesn’t want to lose her after so little time together; it’s MC that rejects the future as a vampire out of sheer principle. Even more noteworthy is that, when a reincarnation of MC is reunited with Leonardo in modern times, he is revealed to be exceptionally shaken by that loss. There are suggestions he can’t take losing her again, which could mean succumbing to the desire to bite her.]

Two things I feel are necessary to hit home:

The first being that, at least within the storyline so far, the most mature and human-like vampires we’ve seen are Leonardo and Comte. They seek to emulate the maturity they see reflected in the human beings they’ve known all their lives. Given how vampire society and their hierarchies work, I get the feeling humans are nothing more than amusing tools to them--a way to survive and creatures to exercise control over. There’s an objectification and delusion that comes with what I’ve seen, and I think it’s important in this discussion? If the vast majority of vampires behave this way (because I’m ngl, Leonardo and Comte don’t seem very keen on remaining in touch with other vampires all that much) then it only makes sense they prefer the company of humans who can at least share this sensibility of “been there, done that--stop hurting people bc you’re bored/repressed, grow up.”

One event story where this was exceedingly evident was actually Leonardo’s proposal story. If y’all remember, an old pal/acquaintance of Leonardo’s finds out he’s gunning for a human woman and basically goes “lmao not on my watch.” His name was Adam iirc, and he felt he had every liberty to try and pressure Leonardo into turning MC. Failing that, he insisted they should break up and not be together anymore. Now, on the one hand, it’s fair to say that he was looking out for Leonardo in a way–he didn’t want him to end up miserable and alone when she was gone. But at the same time I feel that Adam’s behavior is deeply revealing of vampire society as well lmao. He doesn’t really try to understand the situation, just immediately assumes it’s the only appropriate outcome. It does insinuate a lowkey cultural disdain for humanity: they are imperfect, they do not last or cannot have real value without preservation. If Adam was really Leonardo’s friend, wouldn’t he realize that Leonardo considers vampirism nothing more than a burden that he would wish on no one, much less his future wife? Additionally, wouldn’t he also keep in mind that Leonardo considers human beings beautiful just as they are? Since he fails these basic requirements to understand Leonardo, my impression is that he is influenced by the larger vampire culture to some extent. Furthermore, it underscores just how thoroughly Leonardo has been trained to keep his cards close to his chest for fear of ridicule/violent reprisal: no vampires know his true feelings on the matter because he would be vehemently rejected outright.

[One can also offer that maybe Adam wasn’t being malicious, maybe vampires find human women they fall in love with all the time and turn them (or any other permutation of companionship that occurs), so he doesn’t understand why Leonardo wouldn’t. But even then, to try to force them to break up if she doesn’t turn? A bit overkill imo but also revealing--Leonardo’s will is being ignored for the sake of upholding a kind of ill-founded superiority complex lmao]

While Leonardo does have a somewhat overbearing need to control the pacing of his relationship and who sacrifices what, I don’t think it’s wrong to be cautious--to want to think things through. I think it’s fair to be afraid that the person you’re with can’t handle what you’ve seen/known. But that also leads me to a core issue I have with MC: she doesn’t inspire much confidence that she can handle the life he’s lived, and that’s a problem of both incapacity and incompatibility. I have to wonder how he reacts when he’s with somebody at the same maturity level, or at the very least somebody with whom he can see her strength with time. When MC’s life was dying out he was desperate enough to accept biting her because he didn’t want to lose her–human or not. It’s MC that rejects this solution, which leads me to further believe that he just doesn’t care about the divide when it comes down to it; it has more to do with his difficulty with being vulnerable and fully trusting someone to care about him. (Assuming they also have the fortitude to stay hopeful and relatively strong over the course of a very long life.)

In line with that, the second thing I think it’s important to acknowledge is how deeply hurt Leonardo is as a result of his family treating him like a fool/black sheep. He outright says and heavily insinuates that his family would write her off as worthless, that they’d never accept her--that's his first thought:

Leonardo: “My familia would call you frail. I think you’re strong and beautiful. You do more with your time than we try to do with ours.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: “And those letters were from your familia?”

Leonardo: “Yeah. I don’t talk to them or see them anymore. We don’t agree...on a lot of things.”

[Brief intermission here. But lmao. Who does that sound like? If any of you guessed Isaac, that’s exactly what I’m alluding to. Isaac says in his own route smth along the lines of “Why bother trying to get through to people when no amount of talking does any good or gets you any closer to being understood?” Which also explains the way they get along to uncanny degrees: they find comfort in making things/researching because it means being able to avoid the distress that comes with being blatantly misunderstood by others. Their pain simply comes in different dimensions; for Leo it’s about loss and hiding who he is out of fear of rejection, for Isaac it’s about betrayal and people turning on him--ultimately abandonment for both. But I digress, back to the main argument.]

Leonardo: “Once they discovered my location, they began hounding me with letters again. They don’t want me to be with just anyone...They want more purebloods. I’m no more than one half of an equation for them.”

There is a clear implication that his desire to choose somebody that truly makes him happy means jack shit to them. They keep talking over him and trying to wear him down to force him into what they want. It’s no wonder--imo--that he has such a hard time just saying what he wants in his life, to feel like he has the freedom to wish and pursue anything freely. It’s no wonder he just expects MC to spit on everything that’s important to him. It appears as though only other human beings in general and Comte have ever come close to understanding him.

At some point MC realizes that his insistence on being compagni provvisori was originally just another act of sacrifice, and that he was fine with giving up his time and a little privacy if it meant she would be safe. The thing she doesn’t seem to realize in the course of this--and he struggles to say it until later on--is that it stopped being blind generosity. He really did start to fall in love with her, and that’s the whole reason things became even more messy; because he didn’t anticipate not being able to let go on top of the vulnerability. And it’s a big part of why he’s hesitating to speak. He feels he has no right to those feelings, and that he’s imposing on her--not that he’ll be welcome.

And when she did finally admit those feelings were welcome, it was compounded by the parroted views of his family and larger vampire society as a whole. Saying that she herself wasn’t enough, that she had to become a vampire to make him happy. Imo that sounds very potentially retraumatizing given his experiences (people trying to force him into marriages with other vampires who didn’t remotely understand or care about him because it was “the right way of things”). It’s no wonder he freaks out and does something incredibly stupid and insensitive–which is pretty insanely ooc for him.

Leonardo: “...It shocked them. Quieted them down a bit. Hard to get peace when your familia is immortal. Grazie, cara mia.”

Leonardo: “You’re strong, and you’re kind. So probably you won’t cry while I’m here to see it. But when I’m not looking, you’ll cry. If I had done that to you (bitten her, in other words), you’d still be crying when I wasn’t watching... Maybe it’s selfish of me, after what I did, but I just wanted to make you happy. You always look pretty, cara mia, but your smile takes my breath away...It’s not your destiny to love someone who will only make you cry.”

This man literally cannot handle anyone deeply sad or in despair. He’s always going to try to cheer people up and care about them, but general tragedy/emotional discord affects him very powerfully--and it’s likely a reflection of what I’ve mentioned before. He can’t bear to see people feeling helpless or miserable because he’s just been there too many times to be able to cope. He wants to help and heal (even if he’s suffering from prolonged compassion fatigue), but he knows that his powers are limited--even if he is a pureblood.

And the thing is? While it’s misguided to believe she would cry alone when it comes to the context of healthy romantic love (bc the idea would be that you lean on each other when something upsetting happens) he has zero reference point. He was not born as a result of authentic love (his parents never married, he was the result of a procreative arrangement), his family talks over every wish and belief he has and they still claim it’s done out of love/honest concern for him. One can only imagine the serpentine and obnoxious lengths to which his family has deceived or tried to force him into reconnecting with them. Every person that ever did know him/care about him in a real way is gone. Love, for him, has only been a series of losses that left his heart hollowed out; I don’t really blame him for expecting further disappointment and isolation and exhaustion. 

He’s also not wrong in the sense that he partially saw MC do what he outlined, and it’s a big part about what he loves about her. When she was feeling alone and lost–powerless–all she did was shrug and move forward. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but focusing on what you can do instead of what you can’t do is healthier. And they both have the tendency to hide when they’re in pain or feeling lost, all because they don’t want to trouble anyone. Remember that when he says this, it’s a reflection of himself too: because even if he was heartbroken beyond measure, all he would do is hide it every second; he would never expect anyone to see right through him or care.

I mean I tend think of that one post I saw that talked about how people often see themselves as a social burden when most of their life has just been a series of neglect and loss. They don’t really have a concept of “you’re not heavy because I want to stay with you. It’s my choice to care about you.” How do you feel worthwhile an existence when four hundred years later your family still won’t treat you with basic dignity. The men in the mansion also all look to him for guidance and soothing because of the kind of person he is–he’s either silent in the periphery or helping. He never betrays so much as an inkling of insecurity or distress. 

I mean the whole reason Leonardo comes to the mansion is because he has absolutely no issue helping Comte in a pivotal time of need without seeking much of anything in return. Remember that Comte explains how Leonardo came to the mansion in response to Comte’s distress about the future. This makes sense considering Comte was rapidly trying to stop Vlad by beating him to the punch, and had only enough time to plan the basics. He had no certainty things would work out, much less that his boys would thrive. But Comte, unlike the boys, has become acutely aware of how much Leonardo is hiding his fatigue and despair in the course of being helped. As such, he wants to return the favor--and tries to be a good friend to him as much as he can (handles his insane familia, keeps things light and silly time between them, takes him seriously as a person, doesn’t pry beyond what’s fair.)

[I also think of that psychology concept of “the good enough mother.” It’s not always about being perfect every second of your life. It’s about paying attention and acting where it really counts. I feel like people who grow up under an enormous burden of neglect or parental/mentor abuse have a hard time coming to terms with the idea. This notion that just trying is enough for a lot of people, that showing them they’re not alone is enough to make  difficult memories bearable. Because it’s the oppressive silence and apathy that tends to kills people, imo--not people who mean well. But Leonardo doesn’t really understand any kind of reciprocal or non-self-emptying model because the concept is beyond him. He has no experience with it beyond Comte and a select few humans he’s befriended.]

Let’s continue on this point of MC crying where he can’t see her, shall we? The reason this scares him so much is not because he doesn’t care, or doesn’t want to make the effort. It’s precisely that he cares to the point of madness. It’s that he is legitimately convinced nothing he has to say, nothing that he can do, no part of him is enough to ease what she will have to trade away to stay with him. The core issue is not one of disregard or objectification, I find it to be more about his belief that he just isn’t enough. He doesn’t trust that anyone can love him to the point where just the sight of him or time with him can heal. And while there is a foolishness to this belief, it’s understandable when you consider where he’s coming from. You can call it selfishness, but it just feels involuntary--he has a lot of fear when it comes to love.

I mean Comte even says it himself? His words here always strike me: “I want you to understand, it’s because he cherishes you just as you are--more than he cares about his future or his well-being.”

Comte is openly identifying the way that Leonardo has a tendency to give more than is healthy. That Leonardo isn’t hesitating because his feelings are lacking, he’s doing it because he knows it’s going to hurt like a bitch trying to love her and never ask beyond what feels reasonable. (Spoilers: no request is reasonable. That’s the problem here. He’s convinced he deserves nothing.) Therefore turning her into a vampire to stay with him is--consequently, to Leonardo--out of the question. This is the literal hingepoint at which Comte and Leonardo divide; Comte simply tells MC he’ll take full responsibility for asking so much of her. He intends to make her happy with every single resource and skill he has at his disposal. Even if he doubts his ability or fears losing her to vampire rhetoric madness, he’d rather try than live with the regret and immediate loss. Leonardo is more resistant because of his dour outlook, that her fear of immortality is never going to be something that either of them can overcome. And/or he’s likely afraid she’s only going to regret being together after so long, and might succumb to the ridiculous sort of power/greed complexes vampires seem so attracted to by nature.

I think Leonardo is still coming to terms with the idea that he isn't alone in the world in a lot of ways, and I think he's also coming to terms with the idea that immortality does not equate to evil. Sure, human beings on average are probably more open to flexible modes of thinking and living compared to vampires--their maturity is in some ways guaranteed due to the instances they're forced to adapt to survive. However, just one look at the ruling class and oligarchies of all kinds (even just stubborn human beings) reveals how they are not immune to the same sort of megalomania, arrogance, and thoughtless violence purebloods/vampires are capable of.

So I guess I hesitate when it comes to the thought that he only loves her because she's human. If anything, I think he loves her for the fact that she's very rooted in reality--not quite so bound by the extremes that trouble him. It's one of the many reasons I believe Leonardo needs a lot of maturity and patience; the ability to differentiate between his panicked/overwhelmed/hurt reactions versus his calm is a skill in and of itself considering his capacity for concealment. To say nothing of getting him to slow down when this happens, too.

I suppose I think about it in a way that’s similar to how Napoleon’s main story narrative is framed. While Leonardo’s route doesn’t focus on the grandeur of being a former emperor, there is a clear insinuation here that he also craves normalcy? Just a little life, with a person he loves dearly, where he can rest and be himself for once. I think because he gives off such an appearance of steadiness, people fail to see that he is barely holding on--not to mention the kind of experiences he’s been deprived of (the exact security and understanding he so expertly emulates).

Closer to your question, it’s worth mentioning that Leonardo’s life goal for a while was the creation of an immortal human being--in that he fully recognized human beings could not offer what he needed as they were.

He loves humans because of their adaptability, their frequent desire to keep seeking out hope and making the best of the broken pieces they have. But then again, it has more to do with the nature of how frequently that sensibility occurs in humans vs vampires (and immortality in general): mortality does demand some level of necessity to change and grow. Which is one of the largest trauma points for him; the vampires around him just refused to grow up, always demanding at him like children and obsessed with their power complexes.

Thing is I also don't know enough about vampire society to know how correct this perceived ratio is. However, given Comte's similar avoidance of other vampires and general inability to live with them (he and Vlad were literal childhood best friends and Comte can't stand him anymore lmao) I think Leonardo may have more validity here than people give him credit for. Which begs the question--why did he quit trying to make a human immortal? What was it that stopped him? Was it the horror of what needed to be done to achieve it? Or would a potential companion start to fall more in love with the idea of immortality than they do with life itself/him? I think it’s a worthwhile question to ask, given the disdain he seems to aim at Shakespeare in particular--once human, but now emulates all of the violence and insatiability marked by vampirism.

This is where the transition from human to vampire/immortal contains another hingepoint: is Leonardo so incapable of finding a middle ground because he feels like any choice he makes will be a wrong one? Marry a human, deprive them of a normal love where they can grow old together. Marry a human and turn them, what if they are reborn with immortal wounds/psychological harm? What if time proves they get bored of him or hateful, what if they begin to act like the predatory purebloods he hates so much? Marry a pureblood/immortal, and be hounded by his family for heirs--risk being with somebody who will never love him or their children, and only inspire more misery in the world.

Does it make sense how this can really start to become an anxious downspiral for someone like him? How the personal insecurity and life history comes together to just compound stress endlessly?

That's the thing that's important here, I think. Leonardo just needs somebody who is open-minded, firm, and not easily deceived. If one takes a look at Leonardo's main story route, the whole reason everything goes to shit so disastrously is because MC stops listening at a critical point. Granted Leonardo could have been more forthcoming for sure, but when she started assuming Shakespeare was right instead of seeing how Leonardo was feeling/reacting, she responded in ways Leonardo wasn't prepared for. He never wanted to shake her faith or insinuate whatever she is is not good enough for him, and tbh I think Leonardo downspiraled because it was just the same thing all over again. What he is--a vampire and immortal--keeps ruining everything he wants with his life. 

[ackerfics]

hi! i don’t know if you’re taking requests but if you are would you be interested in a soulmate au with mikasa. i adore soulmates au a lot! mikasa x fem!reader (aot cast reincarnated into the modern world and they get to have a happy and not stressful life)

she is half of my soul, as the poets say  — mikasa ackerman

— mikasa ackerman x female reader (soulmate au)

— warnings: none, just fluff

— summary: you finally found each other.

— word count: 3.2k

— author’s notes: thank you so much for the request !! i hope you enjoy reading this because i had a blast putting this all together. plus, i couldn't help but place a quote from 'the song of achilles' bc that was a masterpiece.

Underwater.

Your surroundings were submerged in the depths of the ocean to you.

The professor in front of the lecture hall continued his lesson in a cacophony of white noise. The occasional flipping of textbooks and the clacking of the keyboard droned, a majority of the students tried taking down what the middle-aged man was reciting. You should be doing those, too, but there was something about your day that made you want to skip class and bury yourself in a mound of blankets. The air-conditioning wasn’t helping at all, it just made you drift away, even more, images of flying people and humanoid giants flickering through your mind. Even your vision was becoming blurry as you stared at the seat in front of you, not noticing how your Ethics professor dismissed your class with a reminder of the paper that was due the following week. You were still seated as most of the students stood up, eager to spend the rest of their day inside their dormitories and apartments.

“[Name].” Somebody called out to you but the raw feeling of swinging in midair acted like a bubble, keeping you from going back to reality. The voice groaned in frustration at your lack of response. “Earth to [Name]! Hey, wake up!”

You shook out of your stupor with a blink, turning your head slowly at the person waiting for you. You took in her casual attire, so different from the daydream you were in. At first, you didn’t know about your whereabouts, making you look around the lecture hall — empty except for the two of you and the professor at front. The feeling of confusion once again dominated your sound mind as you breathed out, “Where am I? I thought I was just outside in this desert and I was surrounded by people who were crying like they were a hopeless case. Then there was someone screaming my name, saying they wouldn’t let me go.”

The person pursed their lips, concerned and slightly creeped out at the nonsense coming out of your mouth. There weren’t any deserts near you right now because you two were in the middle of the city, inside a university. The way you phrased those words sounded like a plot from an apocalyptic movie you were bound to binge during academic breaks. There were accounts scattered around the internet about reincarnation that the person drank in the early hours of dawn when they couldn’t go to sleep but witnessing it in front of them, was another whole level of conspiracy theories. A hand was planted on your shoulder, your friend smiling sympathetically at you, knowing that you sometimes have these episodes inside your shared apartment. The look you gave them was enough to erase the wariness bubbling in your friend’s stomach, which spurred them to gather your things and placing them inside your backpack. Your friend worked in silence, however, they were aware of the stare you never took off from the side of their head.

“In case you don’t remember me,” your friend looked up at you with a twinkle of mischief in their irises, “I’m Hitch and I’m your roommate.” She was speaking to you as if you were a toddler, something that made annoyance tickle your chest.

“Hitch?” You mumbled, looking down on your lap for a solid minute until you gasped out loud, the sound echoing inside the lecture hall without any warning. The professor looked up from his seat, glare already in place at the disruption you caused. You buried your face in your hands, face erupting in hues of red because of the embarrassment creeping in your throat. “Oh, my God, don’t tell me I did it again.”

Hitch nodded with a shrug. “I mean, I’m used to your episodes but it always amazed me how you wake up from them all disoriented.” Finishing with her task of tidying your bag, she pulled on your arm. “I think I should record whatever you say next time, this could be my viral moment.” When you gave her a dry glare, she laughed. “Oh, come on, think of the possibilities! But pushing that aside, let’s have dinner first.”

“Hitch, it’s only four in the afternoon.”

She scoffed lightheartedly. “We can always have a midnight snack later. Right now, I’m craving something savory.” The two of you went outside the lecture hall’s door, not missing the look of relief from your Ethics professor as you linked your arm with Hitch’s. She turned to you expectantly. “Any ideas for dinner, bub?”

There was a churning feeling inside your stomach, very much like those life-and-death situations during exams where you rely on your gut for the correct answer if the test includes multiple-choice questions. This time, instead of the nagging voice telling you to encircle the first choice, your gut was telling you to head to the café near your university. Aside from their famous coffee blends and teas (the latter being one of their specialties), the café houses a variety of dishes in its menu, which doesn’t make them a café anymore but the owner still insisted that they’ll be known as that establishment. It was more of a restaurant than your regular coffee shop, making it a hit among the students in the University of Eldia, where a majority of the student body was either caffeine-dependent or reliant on fast food take-outs. The quaint café owned by Levi Ackerman was the perfect solution to yours and Hitch’s grumbling stomachs. 

“How about the café just outside of uni?” You suggested, hoping that Hitch will consider the idea.

The said girl hummed, a finger placed on her chin. “The one owned by that grumpy short-stack?” 

“Hey, that’s rude.”

Hitch shrugged without care, hoisting her tote bag up to her shoulder. “Even his cousin calls him that, you know?” At your raised eyebrow, all Hitch could do was laugh at your adorable, clueless expression. Between the two of you, the light-haired girl was the social butterfly in your friendship and you wouldn’t be surprised if she even had an inkling of the gossips happening around your year level. 

“Relax, his cousin is a good person (that is if she doesn’t kill you with her blank stare), along with their little friendship circle. I must say, all of them look so adorable. You remember Annie, right?” She continued when she saw you nod, the mention of the blonde made you remember your time when the three of you shared your apartment. It was a good kind of chaotic, the three of you balancing out each other’s personalities. Annie was always the indifferent one, Hitch the most sociable, and you being the mediator of the two. “She’s dating one of Mikasa’s friends, Armin. Mikasa is the cousin, by the way, and I can clearly see the resemblance between her and the café’s owner. With the permanent scowl and all.”

“Uh-huh.”

You didn’t know what to do with the information so you only hummed and nodded your head every time Hitch spewed out a couple of trivia involving people you have heard down the hallways or being called during roll-calls. She even told you how one of Mikasa’s friends, Sasha Braus, was reprimanded for eating inside the class of an infamous terror teacher, which landed the girl on that professor’s blacklist. The girl, Sasha, was actually in one of your classes but you never really talked to her, all of your attention poured out into absorbing what the teacher relayed in the class. All of Hitch's ramblings spanned the entirety of your walk to the café — a talent your roommate has that amazed you every time it happened. 

The smell of cinnamon greeted you once you stepped inside the café, the homey decorations making your heart warm in an instant. There were a couple of college students in separate tables, all of them draping their textbooks and readings in front of them, headphones plugged in despite the soothing background music brought by the café’s speakers. Now that you mention it in your head, midterms were coming up in a month and you hadn’t started organizing your revisions. As your mind was filled with the scent of flowers and coffee, Hitch tugged on the sleeves of your blouse, your light-haired friend wordlessly gesturing her head towards one of the empty tables overlooking the window showing the small garden beside the café. You nodded and flashed a thumbs-up, already knowing what Hitch’s order is the number of times she went home with take-outs from this establishment.

Thinking that you should order something for a change, you looked up at the menu board above the counter. With your order listed in your mind, you faced the person manning the counter, ready to relay your order to her. What greeted you, though, wasn’t a smiling cashier, instead, wide gray eyes stared at you with a slacked jaw — irises flecked with an emotion that sent your heart lurching inside your chest. She was a tall girl with muscles in the right places, black hair styled in a pixie cut that made you appreciate her features more. You faintly recalled that she was in one of your majors, which should explain the air of familiarity surrounding her. Her hands on the small notepad hovered over the current lilac paper, her posture rod straight as her breath hitched while staring into you. You weren’t sure what made her react like that so you slightly tilted your head back to look at the booths behind you. Hitch caught your eyes, raising her eyebrow in a silent question. Facing the counter attendant again, you were shocked to see that star-like tears were decorating her eyelashes, chapped lips wobbly. 

It felt like you’ve seen that expression too many times but you were sure this was the first time you saw her face to face.

“Oi, Mikasa, why are you stalling?” A short black-haired man entered the space behind the counter, arms crossed and gaze questioning as he took in the breaking form of his employee. “It’s been a full minute and you still didn’t take the customer’s order.” 

“Can I stay in the breakroom for a while?”

Your breath was taken away at the sound of her voice. It sounded like all four seasons were present in the soft-spoken tone she carried, very different from her tough physical appearance. You were left staring at her back, chest nearly bursting open because of how fast your heart pounded just from that sentence. Images of late-night trysts played in your head; of secret kisses that created an ocean of emotions inside you; of eyes looking at each other with tendrils of hope before the gates open, death beckoning you in its arms; of desperate promises, neither person could ever keep. All of them were so familiar and nostalgic that a swarm of butterflies was starting to infest your ribs and chest, sprouting flowers that clogged your throat from speaking. 

Levi glanced at you, eyes analyzing your form with a hint of concern for his relative and wondering what made Mikasa act like that. “Sure, go ahead, brat, your friends are at the back. Hello, ma’am, I’ll be taking your order.”

“Oh, sure,” you murmured before beginning to list down the food you and Hitch will be indulging in, eyes curiously staring at the girl going inside the breakroom. “Uhm, is she going to be alright?” You tried asking Levi, who only looked at you with a raised eyebrow. “It looks like she had a fright here.”

“It’s the first time I saw her in that state, to be honest,” Levi simply answered, with no room for other discussions. “Your drinks will be served shortly.” He gave you a small gadget, his pointer finger pushing a button on the device, making it light up in a blinding red. “Once your drinks are ready, this will light up and you can get it here on the counter. Thank you for your patronage.”

“Thank you, too.”

It was only when you seated yourself in front of Hitch that you realized Mikasa’s voice sounded like the one always shouting your name in your daydreams, failing to keep the promise of never letting you go.

-

Mikasa was a mess.

First, before waking up for her 7 A.M. class one autumn day, she was haunted by the memories of her previous life (or this is what Armin told her, with him also remembering being born again from a different timeline, another universe altogether rather). In that more outdated version of this world, they were on the constant grapple with these beings called Titans. Her dreams became more complex the more time passed by as these Titans disappeared, replacing with it a looming war between two countries. Her daydreams always resulted in tear-stained cheeks, eyes then finding her best friend who started a mass genocide in their previous lives, Eren. When Mikasa remembered that part of her last life, she would often find herself staring deeply at the side of Eren’s head, resulting in the brown-haired man complaining about her soulless eyes. It looked like Eren didn’t remember it, which nearly drove Mikasa mad. 

Until that day Eren came up to her after a three-hour lecture, all haggard with his man-bun in disarray, and shouting, “I’m so sorry for laughing at you, Mikasa! I had a dream during a lecture of those titan things you and Armin are talking about. I believe you!”

Second, the warmth of somebody was a constant in balancing out the horrors of her daydreams. Among the carnage, a body fitting against hers with the morning rays passing through the slit of the windows was a sight she didn’t want to wake up from. Threads of soft hair tickled her cheek, making way for an unforgettable shade of irises that she compared to the crystals they found underneath the Reiss estate. A smile so vibrant that it paled in comparison to the blue expanse of unknown waters they saw after killing all the Titans in Paradis. The smell of freshly picked flowers lingered in the air, acting like the comforting blanket Mikasa had when she was young. At first, she couldn’t see the face of the person but as the episodes became more vivid, Mikasa finally saw the woman of her dreams. 

Pulchritudinous — that’s what you are.

After that encounter with you in the café, Mikasa immediately talked everything out with her two friends.

“So you’re saying that you kind of knew her but you don’t?” Eren pointed out after a spoonful of ice cream. “This is some conspiracy theory shit right here.”

“Eren,” Armin sighed. “This is not one of those videos you watch at 3 A.M., okay?” The blonde glanced at the last member of their little trio, who was pacing in front of them with a queasy expression on her face. “Mikasa, I know you feel like you’re in a pinch but please calm down.”

Eren leaned forward and took a spoonful of ice cream from the tub on the low table. “It’s no use, Armin. You know Mikasa.” He nodded his head towards the said girl. “Once she enters that state, we can’t do anything about it.”

“I know,” Armin trailed off, dejected.

Mikasa buried her hands through her hair. “This was so unexpected.”

“Clearly,” Eren dryly stated.

The blue-eyed boy beside him instantly hit the back of his head. “Eren!”

Mikasa stopped pacing, not hearing how Eren exclaimed ‘finally’, her face and neck erupting in a warm shade of red that made her two friends exchange a concerned glance. Placing a hand on her pounding chest, she murmured with half-lidded eyes, “She’s much more beautiful than my dreams depicted her to be.”

Armin breathed out a silent ‘oh’ while Eren snickered, “Great, she turned into a simp,” to which the former slapped another hand at the back of the green-eyed boy’s head.

“That explains it,” the black-haired girl exclaimed. “There were times where a voice inside my head tells me to be at this specific place at a specific time.” (“I’m concerned,” Eren stage-whispered to Armin.) “While applying for this university, I had a feeling that I should take up medical sciences. Every time I’m at the campus, I will always find myself in the library after five o’clock and there are instances that I would search the tables. And you guys know how I hate helping Levi in the café.” Eren and Armin nodded as if they were children. “I just realized that she was always there, I can see her now. Why did I miss her when all this time, I was meant to find her? And now that she’s finally in the café right when I told Levi that I felt like helping the shop, I ran away! I’m such an idiot!” Mikasa then sunk on one of the plush chairs, her groans mingling with the gloomy atmosphere she created.

“You’re not an idiot, Mikasa,” Armin told her, to which she replied with an aggravated groan.

“Yeah, you’re not an idiot, you’re just having a gay panic moment,” Eren casually announced. Both of his friends slowly turned their heads toward him. He stared right back, blinking as he shrugged. “You have to admit, I’m not wrong.”

“You’re not helping right now.”

“I’m just stating a fact, Armin!”

The blonde boy rolled his eyes. “So what are you going to do about this, Mikasa?”

“About Eren?”

“No,” Armin shook his head. “Eren will be fine with his two brain cells.”

“Hey, I’m right here.”

Armin rolled his eyes and fixed his gaze on his gray-eyed best friend. “So are you going to tell [Name] that you two are star-crossed lovers pre-destined since your previous lives?”

The confidence she gained the day before during that conversation with her childhood friends dissipated as Mikasa awkwardly stood in the middle of the university’s library, eyes widely staring at you, who was browsing the shelves for the reference material for your papers. She didn’t expect to meet you this suddenly. All she was supposed to do was borrow a reference material and there she realized that the two of you share the same major so most of your schedule line up with one another — the both of you share a free period. Almost as if you were surrounded by a magnetic field, Mikasa went in your direction, her heart matching her footsteps. Meters became feet as she looked at your captivating figure. Even with a shirt tucked inside a pair of jeans, you are still the most beautiful girl inside the library. 

And as you lifted your gaze, your glinting irises meeting her gray ones, Mikasa swore her orbit was waiting for this moment to be tilted to you.

Tears were immediately present in your eyes when she stood in front of you, it was as if you remembered her.

“Hey,” Mikasa breathed shakily, hands gripping the strap of her backpack.

“Hey, starlight.”

That nickname. The one you blurted out when Mikasa invited you stargazing in the meadow beside the Survey Corps Headquarters. You said it suited her because her eyes reminded you of the glow of the stars forming a canopy above you. But for her, you were brighter than any star in the sky, you were an entire cosmos altogether. “You became a part of me the moment I laid my eyes on you in our town. Right then and there — wherever you go, I’ll go. Because I know, I’m a part of you as well.”

“You finally found me.”

You are half of her soul, as the poets say, and the Fates will do everything in their power that it stays like that for eternity. 

[samdotdocx]

A very long-winded essay about why I love Night in the Woods and The Ramayana makes me Big Mad ft. Lets Talk About Mental Illness™

So I was in this class called 'The Ecology of Language". Excellent class, 10/10 would recommend - and especially relevant in the Indian context in particular, but that's a topic for another day.

One of the things we talked about was the concept of 'relatibality' in media, which, I'm sure we can all agree is a large component of contemporary character or story-line development. Considering the context of modern readers, what that sometimes ends up looking like (in our society that is built on constantly being told we are lacking, and the subsequent need to satisfy manufactured desires), is some wonderfully nuanced characters in stories stories that are three-dimensional, well rounded, and well developed and written. It's pretty great. And sometimes, what that means is that we have excellent characters that don't conform to the standard 'protagonist' stereotype. They might not even be 'good' (this is NOT a villain-apologist post). In fact, they might be complete idiots. They might be the people in stories who make all the wrong choices.

One such relatable character is Mae, and it's because she's an unmitigated train-wreck.

Anyone who knows the game probably knows what I'm talking about when I say the illustration style and character designs are gorgeous. Anyone who's ever dissociated probably knows what I'm talking about when I say that illustration style and character design were excellently used to create the sort of subliminal, surreal state of Mae's mind. And as you play the game, you see how that state of mind plays with the other characters, and - spoiler - it isn't great.

This is the first of the relatable aspects of Mae’s character; there are people around her who love her and are worried about her, but at the same time, are angry and irritated about her behaviour. At what point does it become too much to ask of those around you to forgive all your continuous and repetitive mistakes? Even if you have a good reason for it, mental illness is not an excuse for being exploitative, even if it is unintentional. Mae is not trying to hurt the people around her, but she constantly needs emotional labour from them – it’s exhausting, and people’s patience is going to run out eventually, as is their right.

Another aspect of this behaviour is the lack of reciprocity, an example of this being when Bea’s mother died of cancer – and Mae didn’t even notice.

There are several instances of Mae’s thoughtless behaviour throughout the game; she gets completely wasted and makes a scene at the party, gets jealous of of Greg and Angus because they’re leaving the town without her, and ends up destroying the radiator Bea was supposed to fix, getting her in trouble.

The thing is though, that Mae is given the opportunity to fix her mistakes.

A large part of relatability is the want so see yourself in a character. Mae is relatable to me because there are several circumstances and events in our lives that match up, but more than that; the game is an interactive visualization of her healing process. Her nine steps, if you will. She is given a second chance – and that chance is hard won, particularly in the context of the game.

Mae talks about feeling like she’s falling behind, of knowing that she is, in a way, wasting an opportunity that was a privilege in the first place, especially considering her family’s financial situation – but at the same time, being literally unable to help herself. And the aspects of the gameplay that hint at the supernatural elements of the story possibly being a figment of Mae’s imagination – well. All us depressed losers know what it's like to not be able to trust your own judgement and point of view. She talks about why she dropped out of college, and her description of the dissociation, and the mental and emotional deadening that it causes is spot on and so well represented.

It underscores the point that the logical brain knows that mental illness is an illness like any other – but the emotional brain doesn’t care.

The game does a brilliant job of laying bare the realities of middle class life, and makes painfully clear the fact that, at that level, it doesn’t matter how difficult things are for you. The world isn’t going to wait for you to get back on your feet.

Mae’s mental state and the limitations it imposes on her cultivates a state of extreme frustration. Again, relatable. It’s an understated aspect of illness of any kind; the anger at yourself, and how that anger carries over into a lot of things in your day to day life. After a point, it becomes a habit. Mae does this too; she's belligerent, and instigative, and unrepentant of consequences, because anger blinds you.

It's not how things will always be. I have the privilege of hindsight, so I can say that with authority. But, this isn’t the kind of thing that ever fully leaves you, either. If you break a kneecap, it’s going to bother you for the rest of your life, and similarly, mental illness has a ‘no return, no refund’ policy. So you grow up, and you try to adapt those habits and impulses into a more positive context. Recycling, right? Maybe you set your sights on things that actually deserve your anger, and you go from there. You find people who, for their own reasons, perhaps or perhaps not related to your own, are angry.

And you don’t understand the people who are not.

A large part of the anger and frustration surrounding mental illness is due to the stigma surrounding it. It’s frustrating to be so powerless and dependent, but this is exacerbated by the attitude of ‘it can’t be that bad’, which makes it so difficult to reach out, to be able to say, ‘I need a break’ – and actually get one. This is an attitude that carries over to a lot of other issues as well, and the worst part is – we are surrounded by people who are okay with it, who believe in and support that mentality.

The myth of Sita, for example. She is a strong female figure in Indian mythology, who overcomes her circumstances to live a ‘good’ life, and for all intents and purposes, is a hell of a role model.

But that’s the thing; her life wasn’t good, was it? She was supposed be a goddess reincarnated, she should have been powerful, and respected, but instead she is reduced to ‘wife’ – and everyone today is fine with it.

I respect her immensely for the choices she made; marrying for love was her choice, going into exile with her husband was her choice. She was the paragon of virtue, of 'wifeliness', of kindness – she chose her husband over everyone and everything else, including herself, as was expected of her. But yet – she couldn't win his trust or respect. It should not even have needed to be won.

It’s commendable the way she takes it all in stride, but why did she? She was kidnapped and held captive for years, entirely against her will, and her husband's response to that is to force her to walk through fire to prove her ‘purity’ – and she does it. And she stays with him after, and I cannot understand the depths of her patience and forgiveness, because I would have been livid, and I want her to be so too. I’m furious for her, because Ram was not just her husband, he was also the king, and his later verdict to exile her, alone, while heavily pregnant, his readiness to condemn her based on speculation and public sentiment, was not just a verdict against her, it was against every woman in his kingdom who had ever been victimised.

Sita became a martyr to the modern feminist movement – if she could not be angry on her own behalf, we will do it for her. But at the same time, she is still relatable, because we are held to a slightly lesser degree of the same expectations. There are always going to be aspects of things that you relate to. ‘Big Mood’ culture is a strong indicator of the human ability to empathise, especially with characters that you like, or respect.

Sita’s world, I imagine, was run by the expectations her society and community had of her, and maybe she didn’t even have the liberty to be angry. Who is responsible for portraying her in passive acceptance of her fate? Is that representation reliable? Would the story have been different had it been written by a woman?

I can't remember a time when I was not angry, especially about things like this. I am always ready to fight, and I think the same goes for so many other people today, sometimes to our detriment. I cannot imagine a world where that was not at the very least an option. Not necessarily the best option, - but Sita’s world was very different to ours. Even with centuries between us, we’ve just gotten over angry and depressed women being labelled as ‘hysterical’ and subsequently being locked away. What is it like, to have to be calm and careful in response to being treated like this? This care in response may not be an overt requirement anymore – though the fact remains that society will not take you seriously if you become hysterical - but shouldn't you, at the very least, be able to rely on the support of other people in the same boat?

That is the main difference in these stories, and another main point of relatability to me; Mae, like myself, had a support system. Sita did not. Mae was selfish and demanding in so many ways, and required a lot of time and patience and healing before she was able to give back, but she got there eventually because she was able to put herself first. She fought for herself, and when she couldn’t, she had other people to fight for her. Night in the Woods represents the intersection of oppressed minorities and community with their portrayal of Mae, Greg, and Angus in particular, and the importance of community support – and, the difference between geographical community, and communities formed through camaraderie and actual unity. And so does the Ramayana - except, where was Sita’s community? Where were her sisters, or her parents, when she was abandoned in the woods, and later when she committed suicide? We are well aware, in the modern day, of the state of mind that causes people to kill themselves, and yet that is a part of the story that we never talk about. Where were her people then?

What would have happened if she had been more like Mae, and put herself first instead of bleeding herself dry for people who never respected her, and would never do the same for her?

People relate to personalities. They relate to choices, and circumstances, and habits, and it is neither a good nor a bad thing, to be relatable or not. Sita will be highly relatable to people who, like her, were governed by their circumstances, and were screwed over despite their best efforts. People who felt they couldn’t, or shouldn’t exercise their power and agency. Sita’s death was at odds with her strong personality, and so was her deference to her fate on many occasions, but there are a lot of people out there who will relate to the feeling of simply wanting things to be over. Mae on the other hand; she’s a steamroller, and she doesn’t stop. There’s a reason her character is a cat, and jokingly referred to as feral in the game. She is persistent, she is growing.

[1] In Defence of Kaikeyi and Draupadi: a Note – by Fritz Blackwellhttps://www.jstor.org/stable/23334398?read-now=1&seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents [2] https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/emergency-room-wait-times-sexism/410515/

[meltingheartsandcores]

I’m tired, I should be studying, instead I wrote this little ficlet that should probably be the prologue to an actual fic that I might get around to writing (fingers crossed).

We have Immortals, modern sects, and porn. Not entirely sure how else to explain it except none of those are explicit, lol.

Hope you enjoy the product of my mildly sleep deprieved brain!

Being invited to have tea with Zewu-Jun was a high honor, despite the immortal seemingly trying to downplay it as much as he possibly could. However, Nie Mingjue isn’t entirely sure what he’s done to earn the honor. It’s been a long time since either Twin Jade was the Sect Leader, Nie Mingjue has spoken with the current Sect Leader Lan Tengfei infrequently over the years when their sect business intermingled or there was a conference, but he wasn’t particularly close to the Lan Sect. And the Twin Jades enjoy their privacy. Enough so that there’s not a single photograph of either of them out there.

So it was very startingly to get the invitation.

Zewu-Jun treating him like an equal and friend is equally startling.

Somehow, not the most startling thing to happen on the trip. No, that would be the portrait of Wei Wuxian. Nie Huaisang’s husband. He thinks. Nie Mingjue isn’t actually sure if they’re married or just act like it. Although, knowing them, that’s how they want everyone to think.

Still, the clearly very old portrait of Wei Wuxian was a little disturbing. Especially with the name below being Wei Wuxian’s, correct characters and all. Even more so after Zewu-Jun noticed him staring at it and decides to give him some utterly terrible information.

“My brother’s husband, from his first life.” Oh. It was that Wei Wuxian. Yiling Lazou Wei Wuxian.

How is this getting worse?

“Oh?” Because screaming was undignified and not something to be done in front of immortals. Later. In his car. And then he’s calling Nie Huaisang to yell at him because of course his brother just had to shake up with the immortals husband. Maybe. Maybe it’s just a massive coincidence. (Nie Mingjue’s luck is never good enough for coincidences.)

“Yes, after the resurrection his core was never strong enough to cultivate immortality. When Wangji realized it, he tried to stop his own cultivation, but it was too late. Wuxian lasted nearly two hundred years, and not a day goes by that Wangji doesn’t miss him.” Oh, Zewu-Jun was sad. Nothing Nie Mingjue can say will make him not sad. In fact, he’s pretty sure anything close to the truth of what Wei Wuxian is doing now will just upset him. “The juniors find it, romantic, that he’s decided to wait for Wuxian to be reincarnated.”

Well. It does sound romantic.

But Zewu-Jun’s face, he’s irritated and upset, so clearly he doesn’t agree with the juniors. It sounds romantic, but the reality, “He must be very lonely.” Nie Mingjue guesses.

Zewu-Jun nods, “We have each other, but we were the only ones from our generation to cultivate immortality. There are many people we miss, and as time seperates us further from the present, it’s harder to connect with the new disciples.” Zewu-Jun admits. Nie Mingjue nods, he’s never considered that. How isolating it must be to have lived so long. The Nie clan, doesn’t really get immortals. Honestly, they’re lucky if they hit a hundred. Most top out at eighty due to their cultivation style.

“How would he know, that he’s been reincarnated? I mean, I think Huaisang’s said some things about faces getting reused due to limited genetics and the growing population.” Actually Wei Wuxian said that. Something to that effect at least. Nie Huaisang was better with people and manipulating situations. He does really well running the business side of the Nie Sect. Even if he refuses to accept any credit.

Zewu-Jun smiles a little sadly, “Well, I suppose we’ll know when we see him. Pictures work well enough, as we’re learning. We’ve found a few people who we knew in our first lives reincarnated.”

Nie Mingjue nods, he should tell Zewu-Jun. He really should. Maybe it’s just a look alike. Unlikely. Nie Mingjue’s never that lucky. Nie Mingjue’s started to pull his phone out of his pocket before remembering his manners and asking while holding it in front of himself, “Uh, do you mind if I?” Zewu-Jun furrows his brow but gestures for him to continue. Nie Mingjue nods and opens his phone, scrolling through the pictures Nie Huaisang had sent him. Not for the first time, he really wished Nie Huaisang wouldn’t send so many half-naked or fully-naked pictures of Wei Wuxian to him. Thankfully, it was not all Nie Huaisang sent to him, so he did come across a picture of a fully dressed Wei Wuxian. Nie Huaisang was also there, but they weren’t doing anything. Nie Huaisang had snapped it while they were out walking and Nie Mingjue had wanted to know where the fuck Nie Huaisang had gone at one am. “Just, uh, he seemed familiar.” Nie Mingjue explains, turning the phone around to show Zewu-Jun.

Zewu-Jun blinks then reaches out, hesitating a moment before taking Nie Mingjue’s phone. “That. Is definitely Wei Wuxian.” Zewu-Jun states, and then he starts touching the screen, which makes Nie Mingjue very nervous and uncomfortable. Because Nie Huaisang sends him very questionable pictures. Nie Mingjue is happy his brother is comfortable with his body, he just wishes he wouldn’t text him explicit pictures of his maybe-boyfriend that sometimes also have him naked in them. Nie Huaisang has always like pushing Nie Mingjue’s boundaries, and honestly, Nie Mingjue would rather he be pushing this one than certain other ones. Still. It makes him nervous when Zewu-Jun taps his phone and his eyes blow wide.

Yeah. That’s not good.

Zewu-Jun blinks and regains his composure, handing the phone back, “May I ask how you know him?”

“...How honest do you want me to be?” Nie Mingjue asks, shutting off his phone and pocketing it without looking at whatever Zewu-Jun saw. He’d like to be able to keep looking Zewu-Jun in the eye for this conversation.

Zewu-Jun raises an eyebrow, almost admonishingly, “As honest as possible. You don’t seem to type to beat around the bush.”

He wasn’t. He just really didn’t want to tell Zewu-Jun what Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian get up to.

“He works with my brother.” Nie Mingjue states vaguely, earning another raised eyebrow from Zewu-Jun.

“Is he a cultivator?”

“Used to be. He had a big falling out with the Jiang a few years back and kind of stopped.” Nie Mingjue shrugs, “He doesn’t talk about it.” All he knew about it was rumour. And the Lans don’t do rumours.

“Ah. So what work does he do with Huaisang?”

...Did he tell Zewu-Jun his brothers name? Nie Huaisang is almost as unknown to the world as the Twin Jades. Purposefully so. The Nie have always been rather private with their members, but when Nie Huaisang was old enough to have an opinion on a public presence and vehemently deny having one, nothing about him was released to the public. Not even other cultivation sects as Nie Huaisang wasn’t a practicing cultivator. He trained. As he was supposed to. But he didn’t do any night hunts. He had no connection to Nie Mingjue on the business end of the Sect either.

So, what?

“How do you know his name?” Nie Mingjue asks, making Zewu-Jun blink in plain confusion. “Huaisang’s name isn’t known to anyone outside the Nie sect. Not in connection to me.” Nie Mingjue states, now a little angry. Did someone tell Zewu-Jun? Who? How? Why would he even care about Huaisang?

“He’s in your phone.” Zewu-Jun states simply.

And that’d be a fine answer.

If Nie Huaisang was ‘Huaisang’ in his phone.

But he wasn’t.

He was Reuben. Courtesy of Wei Wuxian. (Wei Wuxian was ‘Stitch’, no Nie Mingjue didn’t understand the names and he didn’t really want to. He’s mostly worried it’s a weird sex thing and he prefers to be as ignorant as possible in that aspect.)

“I thought Lan’s don’t lie.” Although, Zewu-Jun wasn’t, technically, lying.

But he doesn’t deny it. “Could we sit?” Zewu-Jun suggests, gesturing to the table that had been set up for them. Nie Mingjue nods and sits opposite to Zewu-Jun, pouring them some tea. “I apologize for the deception, however I’ve never actually done this before.” He better not be suggesting what Nie Mingjue thinks he’s suggesting. “In the recent past, when we’ve discovered our reincarnated friends, we’ve more or less left them alone.” Oh. Good. He’s not being propositioned.

Wait.

What?

Nie Mingjue blinks, now thoroughly caught off guard, “Um. What.”

Zewu-Jun smiles gently, understandingly, “Due to certain aspects of your previous life, I felt the need to check in on you, make sure you were doing well. I, well, I assumed your family was the same. Hence, why I know Huaisang’s name despite you keeping him rather off the grid.”

“He’s not off the grid. He just has no public connection to me.” Nie Huaisang was almost constantly online. Especially with his ‘job’.

“Ah. So, what work does he and Wei Wuxian do?” Zewu-Jun asks before taking a drink of his tea.

Nie Mingjue considers what he knows about the Lan, and then realizes he really doesn’t want to have this conversation. Luckily for him (or unluckily most of the time), he can just show Zewu-Jun on his phone. “Um, you might want to put that down.” Nie Mingjue suggests, pulling out his phone and turning it on, quickly going to the app Nie Huaisang downloaded on his phone that he never goes on, and opens it up to Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian’s account. Sliding it across the table as Zewu-Jun dubiously puts down his teacup.

Zewu-Jun blinks, then sighs, “I can’t say, I’m particularly surprised with Wei Wuxian’s career choice.”

“...Seriously.”

“You did not hear them. I’m aware of the publics perception of us, particularly Wangji, but trust me. He’s not nearly as prudish as people seem to think.” Zewu-Jun states, sliding the phone back with a rueful smile and a familiar look.

Nie Mingjue exits out of the app before shutting off and pocketing his phone. He knew that look. The look of an elder brother who really didn’t need to know so much about their younger brother’s sex life. He knew that look well. “Right. Speaking of Hanguang-Jun, how would he react?”

Zewu-Jun purses his lips. “I can’t say he’ll be particularly favourable. Wangji’s always been quite, possessive.”

“Wei Wuxian is persuasive. I’m kind of curious as to who would falter first.” Nie Mingjue snorts, picking up his own cup of tea. It was good tea.

Zewu-Jun’s eyebrows were furrowed, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Wuxian’s not going give up his livelyhood. He enjoys it. Even if he falls back in love with Hanguang-Jun, I’m not sure he’ll quit it.” Nie Mingjue states, shaking his head. It was an understatement. Wei Wuxian loves his job. As he so often gushes. Nie Mingjue’s honestly just happy Wei Wuxian doesn’t give him details.

Zewu-Jun slowly nods, understanding dawning, “You think Wei-gongzi will convince Wangji to do porn.” Zewu-Jun winces, “I, hate that I cannot say it’s out of the realm of possibilities.”

Nie Mingjue snorts and then smirks, “Ah, Zewu-Jun, how about a friendly bet?”

Zewu-Jun’s brows pinch slightly, eye narrowing, before he smirks, “Only if you call me Lan Xichen.”

Ohhhkay. Zewu-Jun had said to at the beginning of their meeting, but Nie Mingjue had honestly kind of ignored it. Immortals are a big deal. But then again. He was about to gamble with one. “Ok, Lan Xichen, why don’t we make a bet in favour of our, brothers.” Nie Mingjue isn’t entirely sure what else to refer to them as. If Nie Huaisang was married, then technically Wei Wuxian would be his brother. If they’re not, he might as well be at this point either way.

“Are Huaisang and Wuxian married?” Lan Xichen cuts in, confused.

“I’m not entirely sure. Maybe. Not important.” Nie Mingjue shakes his head, “If Hanguang-Jun manages to convince Wei Wuxian to quit his work, you win, and if Wei Wuxian manages to convince Hanguang-Jun to do porn, I win.”

Lan Xichen nods, smiling with interest, “And what are we betting?”

Nie Mingjue smirks, this was going to be fun.